#two posts in two hours NEW RECORD LMFAO | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alienaiver · 3 years

Text

Half the Battle, pt. 1

Kuroo Tetsurou x gn!reader

find part two here!

warnings: slight angst about childhood/parents fighting/divorce, one (1) bottle of wine is opened, someone is betrayed in Mario Party, NOT beta-read! apologize for any mistakes! (lmk if there’s any warnings i missed!)

wordcount: 5.5k

content: soulmate AU, mild angst, fluff, post-timeskip but slight canon divergence (i haven’t read the manga yet so this is loosely based off of their canon timeskip lives), gender neutral reader, reader is a video editor, reader is bad at eye contact but the details as to why are vague/up for interpretation!

notes: this was made for @gg9183 ‘s wonderful birthday event, a soulmate collab! (go read the other wonderful works!) happy birthday once again, gray!! this was meant to be a 2k one shot but.... plans and inspiration changes sometimes, right? 🥺 so this ended up as a 5k part ONE lmfao i hope thats alright w u!!! part2 will be up asap, i promise!! i hope you enjoy this!!!!

—————————

Not meeting his soulmate was fine, Kuroo often found himself thinking. The odds of finding your soulmate’s way too low to be realistic anyways, he supported the thought. It’s illogical to spend so much time fretting about it, he finally added for good measure.

Soulmates were a natural part of life, always had been. But with the big wide world filled with over seven billion people, meeting yours wasn’t completely unheard of. But given the powers of soulmates even existing, it wasn’t unrealistic to also believe that some kind of fate would pull you towards each other throughout your lives so that you would meet each other. Kuroo however, prided himself in not caring about soulmates. His life was rich enough. People explaining their feelings about “something being missing until they finally meet them” was incomprehensible to him.

Kuroo had lived for 29 years without being able to see color. And you know what? His life was damn well fulfilling enough. He had a beautiful apartment, an economy that flourished, an adorable cat named Cucumber and good people around him. What would he really need a soulmate for? He could ignore his friends comments on how wonderful the world was in color, if only he would just start looking for his soulmate, how much meaning it gave life. Just because the people in his closest circle had all magically met theirs – not to mention how many of them had already met in Goddamn high school, Kuroo scoffed and was always able to move on.

Even though a lot of people actively made eye contact with everyone they met, even people on the street, to make sure they would meet their soulmate, Kuroo kept his eyes down. He wasn’t insecure, come on, he was perfectly happy! He just didn’t need to be late for a meeting because he got eye contact with some stranger, you know?

His life was in perfect balance as is.. Until yesterday, of course. It had turned out there was mold in his apartment complex so they had to evict it for a month while a crew would go through everything to remove it. He didn’t want to go to his mother’s place, that was too far from his work, but he wasn’t in the mood for a hotel, that was way too expensive, so he turned to his best friend of many years with the biggest set of puppy eyes he could muster and the prospect of making every dinner while he lived there.

“Fine… but don’t get in the way,” was all Kenma had to say.

And so Kuroo spent his last weekend in his own apartment packing things down to make it accessible to the cleaning crew. Cucumber hated other cats with a passion so he couldn’t bring him to Kenma’s, where three cats already happily lived, so his mother would pick him up tomorrow afternoon.

He sat on his couch, scrolling his phone mindlessly with Cucumber on his lap who had been stressed with all the packing down, sensing something was up. He was being extra cuddly towards Kuroo who, honestly? Didn’t mind at all. He loved when Cucumber was in mood for cuddles, though it wasn’t very often. He had been told his cat was orange and while he didn’t have a measure for what that color actually looked like, he was happy with his gray cat.

His mother was supposed to arrive any minute now, so he should have gotten up and put the cat in his carrier but it was easier to get him in it if you had two pair of hands. He scrolled through Instagram, reaching a photo put up by Tsukishima of his soulmate, the light-haired manager of their high school volleyball club, with a tooth-eating grin on her face and proudly showing off a ring on her finger, the caption said, This smile makes me wanna brag. Kuroo could physically hear the provocative tone of his voice, knowing he was one of the first in his circle of friends to actually plan a wedding. Kuroo clicked his tongue with a smile on his face and double-tapped to like the picture.

He didn’t know if it was the combination of that post and the fact that his mother was on her way but memories of his parent’s wedding flooded his mind. For a lot of people, weddings felt obsolete in the face of the whole “you already got your soulmate and you know this” thing, so a lot of couples were happy not getting married but just being together. But there was also the benefits of marriage in the practical sense, so some people did anyways, some hosting parties, some not. His parents weren’t married when he came to, but after he turned five they decided to do it so he would be protected by both of them, in case of any emergency.

It had been a small wedding, only the closest family and friends but Kuroo was vivid, so excited about being part of that whole romantic ordeal, even helping his mom find a dress and everything. He had been a huge and important part of the wedding – if he did say so himself. Everyone had been glowing at the day, the food was delicious, there was laughter, song and cheers and everyone had brought so many presents – even some for little Tetsurou, who had been very excited about his new train tracks.

But when Kuroo was seven years old, it wasn’t as romantic anymore. His parents were fighting a lot, he wasn’t entirely sure why or about what because they would never tell him about it, no matter how much he asked. When he tried to listen in, the words he heard didn’t explain anything to him because even though they were yelling at each other, the important words were always whispered, as if they knew Kuroo was listening in.

When he was eight his mom had come into his room, hugged him and with tears in her eyes and said that they were going to move away.

“Where are we going?” he asked simply, no emotion to be read on his little face. He was exhausted from his parents being this way – they were soulmates, right? Why did they fight like that?

“To Tokyo, just you and me, my love.”

That’s when he met Kenma. He had been very closed-off and shy back when they met, he reminisced. He had been a regular kid when he was younger but the way his parents split up – his soulmate parents – had closed him off pretty bad, so it was a miracle he met Kenma and started opening up again.

Kuroo smiled to himself bitterly before scratching Cucumber’s ear. He supposed this was also why he wasn’t interested in his soulmate. So many people had romanticized the whole soulmate ideal so a lot of people forgot that relationships still took work, took effort and just because they were made for each other, didn’t necessarily guarantee that they would stay together. His mom and dad didn’t officially talk anymore, but when he asked his mom as a child whether or not she still saw color, she said that she did. He also found long letters in her bedroom when he was nine, letters from his dad, so he supposed they still talked together, though Kuroo wasn’t let in on it – nor was he particularly interested. And he definitely we wasn’t interested in ending up in a relationship with someone who would end up not wanting to put in the effort for the relationship to flourish.

After Cucumber had been picked up by his mom it was time to leave for Kenma’s place. He carried the last boxes of valuables down to his basement and locked them in before trekking down to the subway with his suitcase and sports bag.

_____

You were late for work, so you scrambled to pack your things. It was Wednesday afternoon and you were supposed to meet in at 3PM, because that was around the time that Kodzuken had planned to finish his recording, he told you yesterday. You were a video editor and had met Kenma through your old part-time job in his favorite convenience store quite a few years back, back when he had first bought his house when he was 24. You remembered talking to him about video games in the store since you also played some, and after a good while of polite customer service and talk about new games, you had started hanging out outside of work as well. When you had then told him you were actually a freelance video editor but just didn’t get many jobs, he had almost instantly hired you to do his YouTube videos for him and general editing and set-ups of his streams. I know video games, not recording equipment, he had told you so many years ago.

Your original thought had been wary, because working for a friend might get messy but Kenma cared a lot about keeping it professional when you were on the clock, which you appreciated very much. In his house, down by his game room, there was a room next door with screens and all the best editing software just for you to play with. Your pay was higher than average for such a “simple” but regular gig but when prompted about it, he simply shrugged and told you it wasn’t up for negotiation and no one was being treated unfair – and who were you to go against such a good pay for a job that you loved doing and wanted to do full-time? With Kenma being a famous streamer and gamer, he often made lots of different videos for various sites so your job hours resembled a nine to five job, easy, even if the hours were off from the more conventional jobs and you usually came in later in the day and sometimes finished off late in the evening – some of his videos had a time limit for a release date of a game, so there was also days where you were extremely busy and scrambling to get the video done right for a release of a game.

As you closed your bag and ran out the door towards the subway, you checked your phone for any updates. If he’d finished early, he would’ve texted you about it, so you put your phone in your pocket and hurried towards his house.

When you arrived you immediately rang the doorbell before catching your breath, you were used to Kenma spending a few minutes before reaching the door and opening it, so when the door opened almost instantly you took a step back before looking up. The one opening the door was taller than Kenma and in a loose dress shirt that was unbuttoned at the top - that’s all you saw before your eyes darted down to your feet.

“...Hi! I’m uh… Where’s Kenma?” was all you got out while fidgeting with your purse strap, it certainly wasn’t his boyfriend Hinata opening the door today.

“Oh, hey! You must be his video editor, right? He told me about you!” The man said, pointing to himself with his thumb,

“I’m Kuroo Tetsurou! Kenma’s childhood friend! Sorry to intrude, I’ll be living here for the next month, I promise not to get in your way!” As he finished his introduction, he moved aside so that you could enter. As you took off your shoes you heard Kenma’s feet shuffling towards you, “oh hey, welcome, you’re early,” Kenma said with his usual deadpan expression but you could clearly hear the teasing in his voice.

“At least I’m here now, right?” You smiled back, instantly relaxing at the sight of your boss and friend. You turned to Kuroo again, bowed and introduced yourself before taking off your coat and putting it on a hanger, while Kenma and the guy named Kuroo seemed to bicker a bit about whether or not Kuroo should answer the door while he lived there.

“I’ll go set it up, have you transferred the video files to the hard disk?” you asked Kenma as you moved towards ‘your’ office, sending Kuroo a polite smile while keeping your eyes on his neck.

Eye contact was hard for you, it always made you extremely uncomfortable and you didn’t really have any before you felt comfortable with the person. Your mother had often scolded you, saying you’d never find your soulmate at this rate, which you always acknowledged with a hum or a simple yes without starting a discussion.

You honestly weren’t sure whether or not you cared for a soulmate. Your biggest argument to wanting to find one was so that you could see colors, because it’d help your career. Kenma already had his soulmate, so he was the one deciding the color scheme for his videos and helped with the color-related editing, which worked fine as of now, but you would probably appreciate to be able to do it yourself. You had also spent some years coming to terms with your struggles with eye contact and accept that this was just how you functioned. If you missed your soulmate in a random supermarket thanks to it one day, well, you’d be none the wiser, so you felt sure you’d survive without one, but you also couldn’t deny that the sound of a soulmate sounded really nice and comforting. That someone out there existed to fit you, that you were born to love someone who was also meant to love you. You were sure that finding your soulmate wasn’t a dance on roses, it was sure to still be hard, frustrating and maybe even painful sometimes, but you also couldn’t just have all the good, there was a balance that was sure to exist within soulmates as well.

After hours of going through the raw footage from his video game play and slowly editing while watching it, you popped your shoulders and stretched your arms for a moment, yawning as you did so. Your hours were always a bit intense, but that couldn’t be helped when you had six hours of raw footage to work with. Looking at the clock you saw that it was 5.30PM which meant that soon Kenma would wake up from his pseudo-sleep (which was more like a nap in your opinion) to look at your process and ask what you wanted for dinner.

Soon after a soft knock was heard followed by the door opening slowly, Kenma standing in sweats and a hoodie with bags under his eyes, “do you like hotpot?” he asked, and you smiled at him, “sure, are you cooking tonight?” he yawned while he shook his head, “Kuroo is. He insists on a ‘fulfilling meal’, whatever that means.”

You giggled before beckoning Kenma in to see some of what you’ve done so far and making minor adjustments along the way. “Now, something smells delicious and I’m thirsty,” you stated after the two of you had talked a bit about the rest of the video’s plans. As you went towards the kitchen you could hear the sound of of a nameless tune being hummed, pans sizzling from something being cooked and kitchen utensils being used.

Inside, the table was already set with plates and prepared ingredients lying ready for the pot that Kuroo was just about to put on the table. It seemed he had made an endless supply of different side dishes and really put in a lot of work for it, so you looked really forward to eating it and it smelled delicious. You grabbed a glass from the set table and went to the sink to get some water and just as your hand reached it, Kuroo had extended his hand as well to the sink and you accidentally touched.

You both recoiled as if you had been burned and you couldn’t stop the gasp that accidentally left your lips. A feeling was rushing through your body you hadn’t experienced before and you immediately apologized to Kuroo and went back to the table, foregoing the water. You didn’t notice how Kuroo was frozen in place from when he touched you before Kenma called out to him and he immediately started moving again.

You ended up eating shortly after, Kuroo serving the food and talking animatedly about him and Kenma’s childhood, making you laugh quite a bit at their (or more, Kuroo’s) antics and their volleyball days. Kuroo was the type of person to make you relax in his presence and have fun which you didn’t even notice until you got home later that evening and really thought about what a great time you had had. You found yourself surprised by how easily you clicked with Kuroo, a total stranger. It must be his charm, you thought to yourself before going through your night routine. You had to come back tomorrow and finish work, after all. You estimated the video would take you a few more days to finish but that would end up fitting well with the weekend coming, so as you went to bed you felt yourself more relaxed than you had in a while.

_____

“What are they like?”

It was Friday and it seemed you had finished Kenma’s video and therefor you weren’t here for dinner – for the first time in a few days, which did let down Kuroo just a tiny bit. He had talked a lot with you during dinner preparations when you came out from the office and during dinner as well and while you did answer all his questions (which, he admitted, there were quite a few of them) and follow up with your own for him, it still felt… off… talking to you – and Kuroo didn’t like not knowing why. “What do you mean?” Kenma asked, taking another bite into his mouth.

Kenma swallowed a piece of meat before looking up at Kuroo who was stabbing his plate with his fork in what seemed like a useless purpose. He knew he was being a little weird but meeting you was weird, even though he had no reason to explain why.

“I mean, is this how they usually act?” He didn’t even know what that question meant or why he was even asking it, nothing made sense! But he had a desperate feeling that he needed to get to know you – he was afraid of what that implied and what suspicions he needed to hold onto, but he was sure it was his gut telling him you were dangerous for Kenma to be around – that had to be it! Kenma was his best friend, his childhood friend, it had to be a gut feeling meant to protect him!

“Who knows, they’re being more polite than usual, I think. But that makes sense,” Kenma replied calmly before adding, “I mean you are a stranger who’s really intent on being social with them over our dinners, they were a bit shy as well when I met them,”

Kuroo nodded and finally took a bite of his own food. He didn’t notice Kenma’s raised eyebrows or the questioning look that was sent his way, so Kenma decided to let the subject rest.

Not seeing you today felt weird to him too and he couldn’t help the irritation building up inside him – you had just met a few days ago and only in the evenings when he was done with work and ready to make dinner – and yet, the thought of you kept invading his mind. He had gotten through work today thinking you were going to be there for dinner so when he came home and found out you wouldn’t be there, the first seed of irritation had been planted – why was he suddenly looking so much forward to seeing you? Had it been like this yesterday too? Why was it suddenly important that you weren’t there? He ended up sitting in front of the laptop in the guest room for the rest of the evening, the document left open and completely untouched.

Kuroo, however, didn’t let the subject rest in his head for the rest of that evening. Hinata was in town, having time off after a big game yesterday so Kuroo was left to his own devices – which really wasn’t a problem considering he had to make the paperwork for a promotional deal for a meeting Monday morning that he had procrastinated making – which wasn’t like him at all, he usually never pushed assignments to last minute and he then realized the reason he wasn’t done yet was because he had spent so much time over the dinner table with Kenma and you, talking even after dinner had been done for a while. You always offered to help him with the clean-up so you also spent some time talking there, drifting off to various subjects far passing the cleaning duties and sitting down again with a glass of water.

He enjoyed your company, it felt... easy, somehow, the sensation that something was off was there but it didn’t really settle in his stomach until every time after you left, as if it was left to grow a bit from a small sensation to a problem, which worried him – Kuroo prided himself as an impeccable people-reader, he was captain for both the volleyball team in high school and college, he knew how to act around business relations so well because he could read them so flawlessly – so the feelings he got from you was unsettling and unreadable and it took some control away from him – and Kuroo always felt uneasy when he wasn’t in control.

____

Kuroo heard your name and almost got whiplash from how fast his head moved towards Kenma, “what?”

“I asked if we should invite them? To game night? Being three is a little annoying in Mario Party.”

“Oooh, that’s a good idea! I’d love to see them again!” Hinata happily exclaimed before taking another bite of the lasagna Kuroo had prepared tonight. It was Saturday and Kuroo had been in a daze the entire day, first at the office for a quick meeting with his boss about a potential partner he might be able to reel in soon and then doing his laundry at Kenma’s and continuing to try and make the stupid paperwork but ultimately failing before he had to make dinner.

“Isn’t it a bit late to invite someone? I mean, they could have plans already...” Kuroo tried, knowing what a pain it could be to be asked to something an hour before it happened and he didn’t want to let you go through that – that’s what he tried to tell himself, at least. In truth? He was a bit afraid of seeing you again, afraid of his potential reactions, since he had spent his entire Friday in a stupor just thinking about you. His thoughts didn’t mean much for Kenma and Hinata though, who was already texting you to ask. “Oi, no phones at the table, have you parents taught you no manners?” Kuroo chided and Hinata immediately shrank back and apologized – Kuroo smirked, yea the Chibi-chan still had respect for his seniors. But he was quickly pulled back to thoughts about you by Kenma’s phone lighting up again, “they’ll be here in an hour. They’re asking if they should bring anything?” Kenma looked up to gauge Kuroo’s reaction, having noticed something about his friend had been off the past few days. He immediately made a funny grimace before turning it into a smile. “Yea, they can bring a bottle of white wine, if I have to beat you all at Mario Party, I would very much like to be a tiny bit buzzed,” Kuroo said, and Hinata looked at him with wide eyes, “you drink wine!? So grown up!” Hinata exclaimed, to which Kenma just muttered, “or just an old man…” Kuroo didn’t hear that though, too busy to fidget with his hands under the table, suddenly feeling nervous that you were showing up.

Hinata plopped down between Kuroo and you with a controller in hand, “I’m gonna beat you all in this Mario Kart!” to which you laughed loudly, “good luck since we’re playing Mario Party.”

“Huh? Is there a difference?” Hinata asked, making Kuroo belt out a loud laugh as well, holding his stomach, “you just told us you’d beat us but you don’t even know what we’re playing!” Kuroo couldn’t contain his laughter for a bit until he noticed how you were looking at him and instantly retracted his laugh, sitting up straight with a cough, and apologizing for being loud, which confused him to no end. He had never been self-conscious of his own laugh! He knew it could be obnoxious and loud, but he also liked it himself, and-

“That’s a really cute laugh.”

The comment earned you the stares of the century from the three other people in the room, with Kenma in genuine shock – he wouldn’t say he disliked Kuroo’s laugh, just that it was… special.

“Uhm… Uh. Thank you?” Kuroo could feel that his blush went all the way to his ears but he hoped that the light in the living room wasn’t bright enough to catch it. “Yeah uh! Sure! Mhm,” you awkwardly coughed a bit as well before reaching for your glass of wine.

You had brought a bottle of white wine for Kuroo on the promise that you’d get a glass too, saying he was your first friend who also liked wine. The word ‘friend’ had dumb-founded him and he’d just answered “you can have it all,” to which you had laughed and said it’s fine with half, you weirdo.

The game was about to begin but Kuroo was still sitting stuck on the fact that his laugh was cute – cute? Had anyone else found it cute before besides Bokuto and his mom? He wasn’t sure – he sure couldn’t pinpoint them right now anyways. He tried to shake it off and focus on the game, though quite a bit of time was spent explaining the rules to Hinata who apparently had thought they were just playing Mario Kart.

When you were 12 laps into it, it seemed that you were set to win with your four stars and 121 coins. Kenma was right behind you with three stars and Hinata and Kuroo had been left in the dust with zero stars. You had stolen Kuroo’s first (and only) star early in the game, so he was plotting his vengeance in quiet but was getting afraid that the game would end before he could do anything to you – but just as his hopes were at the smallest during the last round of the game, you were put in the same team as him in the last mini game.

Kuroo had a wide smirk when you cheered and said, “this’ll be easy then!” because no, it would not be easy for you. If he had to go down in order to take you down a notch, then so be it. He’d rather Kenma win than you did with stolen goods!

The last mini game was “Tow the Line” where two players were put in a sewing box shaped with nine dots as a grid and two players tied together with a string and the objective was to make the shape with the string as shown in the middle of screen. As soon as the whistle sounded, Kuroo lowered his hands and stopped using his controllers, all with a big grin on his lips.

“Kuroo, what the fuck! Get moving, we’ve started!” you yelled at him as Kenma and Hinata won the first round, signaling the next round began, Kuroo started whistling and looking away from the screen, to which you got up from your seat, “fine, I’ll just take your controller and do it myself!”

Kuroo put his arm with the controller behind him, “nah-ah-ah! You’re not winning this, fiend! That’s what you get for stealing my star!” He grinned up at you with his eyes closed as you stood with your hands on your hips, “come on man! I stole that star in the fourth round! Kenma stole a star from me as well!” you tried, “maybe he stole the one that was yours, who knows! Get over it so we can win!”

But as soon as you’d said that, the third round had just been won and you sighed and flopped down on your seat again, “not cool Kuroo, not cool. I’ll remember this!”

You both laughed as the game made ready to announce the winner, Kenma and Hinata entertained by your antics.

“You can’t avenge something that I avenged in the first place! I only did it because you did me wrong, you know!”

“You can’t use logic on me, it doesn’t apply!”

To no surprise, you won the entire game, even winning one of the two bonus stars given at the end of the game.

After the last sequence and a bow from you there was a quick break before you decided to play some Mario Kart for Hinata’s sake, since his argument was that he lost due it being Party instead. You played quite a few hours and after another toilet break you had switched places with Hinata so Kenma could cuddle up against him. You yawned, drinking the last of the wine in your glass and said, “I should head home, I have a friend coming over for lunch tomorrow.”

Hinata and Kenma both started to get up to say goodnight but you waved at them with a smile, “I can walk out myself, it’s fine!” But Kuroo had already gotten up from the couch as well, so you walked with him towards the hallway where you put on your shoes. There was a comfortable silence between the two of you, which Kuroo noted and scowled a bit - he might have only known you for less than a week but for some reason he felt like it had been a lot longer, like you were old friends – it felt strange, to be so close with a stranger. He didn’t know anything about you, really. He knew your name, your job and how you liked some of your vegetables and which meat was your favorite, he knew you also loved cats but didn’t have one (he couldn’t remember if he knew why) and he felt pretty sure he would recognize you in a crowded area – why it was so intense, he was unsure of, he hadn’t tried meeting someone this way before. It had also seemed like having this game night had made you considerably more relaxed in his presence, even joking around with him instead of being polite, which made Kuroo somewhat giddy, though it didn’t really make sense to him as to why.

“I hope you had fun,” Kuroo said awkwardly, as if he had been the host and scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah, I did! I’m sorry I stole your star, though,” you laughed, buttoning your jacket.

“Nah, no worries, as they say, all’s fair in love and war, right?”

You giggled and picked up your bag from the dresser while Kuroo opened up the door for you. As you exited, you turned around with a bright smile, “well, thanks for toni-”

Everything ended up a blur, too bright, too much, too noisy, too… colorful? Kuroo was still looking into your eyes as all that went through him, completely blindsided. As he took a proper look, he could see that you looked just as surprised as him, your eyes wide but still never leaving his either.

“Is… Is this? Are you? Is…” You asked after what felt like both days and milliseconds, I could stare at them so much longer, he thought to himself, the colors only making your face more clear to him. Had you really not had eye contact at all? Had you seen each other for several hours – more than a few times, without looking each other in the eyes at all? Kuroo was more baffled by this happening so late than the fact that it was happening.

He was about to say something, anything, when you promptly turned around, nervously yelling, “I-I uh, I gotta go! Goodbye!” as you hurried out of the driveway and down towards the subway.

“W-wait!” Kuroo belatedly and unhelpfully yelled out as you turned a corner, too late. You were gone. A hand was dragged down his face as a sigh left him, what the fuck had just happened? He obviously needed to talk to you about this, but he also needed to gather his thoughts about all of this, so he slowly closed the door and went back towards the living room, greeted by Hinata and Kenma who looked up at him curiously, “why did you yell?” Hinata asked with his head tilted.

“I think I just found my soulmate.”

#haikyuu!!#kuroo tetsurou x you #kuroo tetsurou x reader #hq x reader #waaaaah im so nervous about this!!!! i basically cranked it out in less than 24hrs ngl.... i had 1.5k of beautiful words before i came u #P WITH A WHOLE OTHER PLOT!!!! :-)#if any of u get the ref of the title i love u and we need to play mp together lmao <33333 #also kenhina and tsukiyachi is mentioned!#both reader and kuroo r A MESS #stay tuned for part 2!!!!!!#nohr.writing #half the battle series #im gonna dig a hole real quick to hide in hehehe #honestly im not sure this is entirely coherent i had so much.... i wanted to force into it im afraid some of it feels out of place but!!!#here we go!! face the fear lmao!!!!

93 notes · View notes

bbyannabeth · 2 years

Text

ANNUAL WRITING SELF-EVALUATION

thank you lexi @timelesslords for tagging me!! (several hours ago but oh well, i got around to it eventually lol)

1. number of stories posted to AO3: 18

2. word count posted for the year: 160,104 (it tried to say if we loved again was part of 2022 bc i posted on the first but. no)

3. fandoms i wrote for: PJO

4. pairings: Percy/Annabeth, Reyna/Piper

5. story with the most...

kudos: got me right where you want me, baby (could i be more obvious?)

bookmarks: got me right where you want me, baby (could i be more obvious?)

comments: if we loved again

6. work i’m most proud of (and why): definitely if we loved again! i've put so much time and effort into this story and it's been so fun seeing everyone react every week. i've never had a fic like this that gets so much interaction and it makes me really excited to do more multi chapter fics in the future

7. work i’m least proud of (and why): got it on record its literally so boring. i still have a part two in the works but like...... i doubt it'll ever come out LMFAO

8. share or describe a favourite review you received: i've gotten sooo many amazing, sweet comments on if we loved again and there was this one that said

I’ve had the week from hell working in retail and I was just about to go to bed when my eyes SHOT open bc I remembered it was a Wednesday and my ADHD ass hadn’t checked to see the new chap yet!! This part absolutely broke me because I would have reacted the exact same way that Annabeth did (down to the “Nope”s and leaving immediately) so that really resonated with me. I can’t wait to see how this gets resolved - and I’m very glad you still have several chapters left because nothing bothers me more than rushed, half-assed conflict resolution! Your stories never fail to move me (I’d say that they always make me smile but they aren’t always happy, and sometimes as writers our goal is to just evoke emotion!) Side note: I screamed ATW 10min version today while I was driving and thought of this story

and the whole comment made me really happy but specifically the last part made smile so much because like. i do that?? with other fics??? and the fact that someone was listening to taylor and was thinking of MY fic??? i screamed

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: it was actually really hard to keep up with the 25 days of xmas prompts. writing everyday like that was really difficult, plus i was going through some family issues at the time and simply.. didn't want to write. but i sort of felt obligated to. i'm glad i got through it but it wasn't easy. especially bc i was also writing she leaves, then she lingers and i'd write this in the sky during the same time. i kept falling behind on something at all times and i was being really hard on myself

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: i never expected to write a major character death fic, but i did and i'm actually really impressed with how it turned out. it's not my favorite or anything, but i do think i did really well with tugging at everyone's heartstrings (sorry if u cried. me too).

i'm also pretty surprise at the angst in if we loved again. i'm not super good at angst, or at least i don't think i am, but judging by everyone's reactions, i've done pretty good with it and i'm really proud of it

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing: i really tried to push myself with i can see the end as it begins and i tried to focus a lot on how they were feeling with everything going on, and i feel like i did pretty well with that. i like this part specifically and i saw a few people comment on these lines

“i didn’t know what to say, and then blackjack landed on the roof and beck-,” his voice died for a second and a whole new wave of pain hit as she remembered their friend. he cleared his throat. “we had to go, and she just kissed me and told me to go be a hero or something.”

annabeth thought about how little rachel understood about their world. go be a hero was telling percy go head first into battle. and if she knew anything about percy, she would know that meant percy would do anything and everything for the people he loved, even if it cost him his own life. being a hero, for percy, was a death sentence.

annabeth wished he would stop being a hero. she selfishly wished he would take a step back and let someone else take the fall so that percy could live another day.

the line "being a hero, for percy, was a death sentence" was always one that stuck out to me, i think. i really like that line and i think it shows how bad of a position percy was in. he wanted to save everyone and be the hero he was supposed to be, regardless of the cost.

12. how did you grow as a writer this year: oh gosh. i actually started delving into angst which has been so fun and i'm definitely going to continue doing so. i started planning my fics more?? i think doing so helps me make them longer. when i first started i'd write this in the sky, i thought it was going to be like 7k.... it was 20k LOL. i also wrote and finished two multi chapter fics, and started another one that will be finished roughly by june(ish). i never thought i would be someone who could commit to a real, long fic like that, but i did and i'm proud of myself

13. how do you hope to grow next year: like i mentioned, i want to keep writing angst. i want to get better at it. i also really want to start learning how to foreshadow more. like i want readers to get to the end of a fic and realize the end had subtly been mentioned throughout the whole fic and there's this whole "OHHH" moment, if that makes sense. maybe it makes absolutely no sense, i don't do it so i wouldn't know

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): my girlfriend has always been a really good motivator for me. she works really hard and it makes me want to work harder, but she also makes sure i don't push myself.

also, i've only known them a couple of months (but god, has it felt longer) but being friends with The Hooligans (aka @captain-jackson, @timelesslords, @scrxbbler-fics, and @impossibleandinsufferable) has been really fun in the way that they make me more excited about my own fics. like i told my gf once that carrie's reactions to iwla every week (though they are threatening) has become one of my favorite parts of posting. there's nothing like posting a new chapter and then twenty minutes later, carrie and heidi are yelling at me<3 when i was writing iwtits (or ew tits, as they lovingly named it), they were all excited and supportive and it's just ??? such a new experience for me to have friends who care about my writing like this??? plus, almost all of us are writers (sry heidi go away<3) and it's been very new and comforting to have writer friends to talk about the struggles of writing, if that makes sense. like we've had a handful of convos about how it can be draining, or how writer's block sucks, or how people demanding more from you can suck. i've never had anyone else that i've talked to about that.

sorry that was so long but tldr; i love my friends very much and i'm very very grateful for how wonderful they are, even when they are bullying me about iwla<3

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: i have a few fics that were inspired by my friends, like coffee at midnight and kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright if that counts. also my taylor swift obsession really peaked through. just a little.

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers: if you want to write a long fic, i would really recommend finishing most-all of it before ever posting the first chapter. i've done that with every long fic i've posted (with the exception of i can see the end as it begins bc that wasn't meant to be a multi chap) and i think it helped me so much. it takes off a LOT of the pressure because all that's left to do is edit and post. or if you have most of it done, you know that you need to finish it, but you have more time and you feel less rushed. i've always found there's a lot less pressure when doing the whole thing before ever posting the first chapter

17. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: i'm soooo excited to finish the tlo rewrite. i want to keep pushing myself with that and focusing on their characters and what they're feeling bc i feel like i often dont focus on it enough

18. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. (totally not required to do this y’all I always hate when things say you gotta do it)

i have no one to tag hehe so anyone who wants to, pls feel free!

#hooligans don't ever say i dont love u. that paragraph about yall was so long. mwah love u all

12 notes · View notes

y0itsbri · 3 years

Note

hiii bri! ❣️ daily check in time! ❣️

i video called my best friend this morning and then i spent a good portion of the day just getting some university stuff and my chores donee! i met up with my friends to watch a soccer game and i was SO convinced we were gonna lose because our team’s literally lost the last six games 💀 but we won 3-0!! we were talking about how university soccer wasn’t like the world cup at allll because people actually spend most of the time playing instead of just like. rolling on the floor in pain. BUT THEN when we got to the last fifteen minutes, we got to see three players getting yellow carded and lots of ground rolling. so we got the full experience! 🤣

we grabbed dinner and TOTALLY missed our bus. and we were supposed to attend this mandatory meeting on zoom 😭 the sheer FEAR i felt when i was walking home with my friends in the dark and our advisor told us to turn our videos on and unmute ourselves??? 💀💀💀 i managed to get through it and now i FINALLY get to read the new cg chapter! i’m so exciteddddd, especially after seeing stas’s out of content spoilers lolll.

how was your day? 💓

twisha! daily check in time! 🍅🍑🌞🍃🐋🍆

i bet it was nice seeing your friend <33 cg posting day gave the soccer team the good luck they needed to win today 😌 i don't know if i've ever actually watched a soccer game that i wasn't in (...as a kid -- and for the record i was awful lmao), but that sounds about right 🤣🤣

omg that zoom situation seems like a nightmare hour but tbh the advisors have probably witnessed a lot worse :') i just finished cg and !!!!! ahhhh!!!!! this damn story never fails to break me. ALSO the cg playlist is officially at 113 songs! damn! (and i know and love all of them now)

i basically spent all day fucking up a lab and then trying to figure out how to unfuck it <3 swinging that incapability into capability... well i got a game plan now at least 😅 and i also called my mom for like two hours which was really cathartic 💛

not to sound like a broken record by talking about my backyard animals all the time but! today i saw mama deer and two little babies and then! out of the trees! four more babies!

i can't wait for a good night's rest and that ain't happening for a few more days. baby i am hanging on by a thread this week🧵 lmfao

#ask #dcit

6 notes · View notes

wolvsalt · 3 years

Text

alright like in the same vein as some of the asks being posted right now, i feel like wolvden has two player bases who both hate each other and refuse to understand the other. like, there's the rich ones, who grind and put the hours in, or just got lucky with rare NBWs/mutations, and they deserve all their GC and SC for putting the work and effort in, or just being lucky af.

but then there's the broke ones, or the new players, or the players who don't put hours and hours in and don't know every in and out of the game and are just there to have fun with cool wolves. like, im one of these players, im pretty new, and sometimes when I go into the TC and I see wolves and items being sold for like 2k SC or 200GC and as someone who is barely able to stay at 200SC at any given moment (trying to get pack slots lmfao) that stuff seems so far off it's impossible. especially when there's not a ton of super good ways of GETTING SC or GC outside of a really good stud or custom decor or things like that. and getting a good stud depends on either LUCK or getting rich enough to afford a breed with an already really good stud.

like, the broke people like me gotta understand how much work was put into GETTING a stud that can be sold off for really expensive prices, or being able to sell puppies for higher prices. and they gotta understand why their prices being undercut can make them angry.

but then the rich people gotta remember how rough it was to ever even break into that kind of stuff. i do think it's kind for some people to sell some really good studs for a little bit less than others because at least it gives new players a CHANCE. i dont think they should be out selling a pyrope stud for 5GC, but selling them for a little bit less isnt this evil thing that people are making it out to be. and I think it's elitist af to act like some random broke user being able to afford a cool looking dog is gonna somehow DEMOLISH their empire and economy lmfao. "far from kind" please chill

and like for the record, i don't give a shit. i don't stud out anyways because I want to build a pack that's pretty much all only my own wolves and NBW. this is just something i've observed as a newer player - the playerbase has an elitism issue sometimes and it's not very conductive to a welcoming environment at all when someone is like "I'm glad I could afford this cool stud it's really kind of them to do that for people" and y'all Froth At The Mouth 🤷‍♀️

anyways tldr: broke people have a little bit of respect some players put a ton of work in to get where they are so YES that means some things can be expensive that's just how it is, rich people calm down and take a breath you're still rich

#wolvden salt #stud discussion #breeding discussion #submission

10 notes · View notes

adultswim2021 · 3 years

Text

Ephemera Week (2002)

I really wonder how effectively I’ll be able to do this in 2003. In 2003, Adult Swim started doing the black and white text bumps, where they give max sass and NO EFFS (fucks), so every week had unique content. I definitely don’t have the resources to catalogue every bumper or even come up with a decent “best of”. Ephemera Corner 2003 may look very different. To quote my good friend Zorak, “Brak, do you ever think about the future?”. To this I say, yes. Yes, Zorak, I do.

BROADCAST ANOMALIES AND SPECIAL NIGHTS!

Adult Swim Action (and other stuff) | February 23, 2002

February 23rd was the first installment of Adult Swim Action. Up to this point, Adult Swim aired a block of mostly comedy capped off with Cowyboy Bebop. This was the first formal separation of Action and Comedy. I remember the bitter rivalry between the two fandoms on various message boards I posted on. It really did seem like a venn diagram with almost no overlap; action fans hated the comedy shows (maybe they liked one or two but hated the rest) and the same went for the comedy fans, except most of the comedy fans I knew were devout anime haters.

At the height of my anime animosity an internet ex-friend of mine started a message board called ANIME SUCKS. It was an experience I’ll always remember fondly. At it’s peak it had over 1000 members. All but about a dozen of those members were actually ANGRY anime fans who just stumbled on the board and were FURIOUS at us for being anti-anime, and we’d just act like obtuse dickheads about it. Like, we’d act stupider than they were and just wind them up.

We developed a few tricks to really set somebody off. For example: they’d write an impassioned defense of anime as an art form, and say something like “it’s not all like Pokemon or Dragonball Z”, to which we’d reply “actually those are the only two animes I like”. This really got them. There was a special thrill to just replying “miyazaki is an idiot” to a guy’s 6-paragraph essay about why anime was “good, actually”, prompting an even longer response. It was really fun! We didn’t have to harass people online, they’d just come to us to get abused. I’ve never seen bait get taken so effortlessly. One day that guy just closed the message board, locked everyone out, and disappeared forever.

That was some aside, huh? Anyway, the arrival of Adult Swim Action meant that Adult Swim stopped airing the Thursday night repeats of Adult Swim Comedy, which was a shame. It Also meant Adult Swim’s Sunday night had an extra hour to fill, which they did with Rocky & Bullwinkle and the Popeye Show. People complained. I didn’t. Vintage animation is just a different take on the “adult” label. Besides, I was used to tuning out by 12AM anyway, so even if I didn’t like those shows (I did!) I wasn’t missing anything, really. But yes, if it were a full hour of Space Ghost repeats I guess that would’ve been better.

The Lewis Lectures | May 19, 2002 - 12:45 AM

A repeat of Lewis Lectures? IT HAPPENED! But what was so different about this broadcast of Lewis Lectures? Well, they accidentally scrambled the SAP audio with the default English audio, causing the Spanish soundtrack to play in tandem with the English one. It was bloody well fucked mate. This is simply no longer England.

I remember becoming an Adult Swim completist and taping this, considering it some kind of void in my collection. Part of me wishes I saved the recording, so I could combine it with the inferior YouTube rip currently up and have a closer-to-pristine copy than the one that’s available. But also, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS IS LEWIS LECTURES WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. How much pain can I inflict on myself?

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law Mini-Marathon | September 15, 2002 - 11:00 PM

On this night they aired a little Harvey Birdman marathon of the 4 episodes. This was kinda baffling, as Birdman had 6 episodes to its name and they’d been repeated into the ground by this point. I guess it goes to show that Adult Swim kinda considered Birdman to be their prestige program. I’m hard-pressed to call any one Adult Swim show “smart” in a way that’s apparent on a shallow level. Birdman is set in a courtroom, animated the most competently out of all their other shows, and involved cultural references in a showy way. Like, Space Ghost having Dave Willis absurdly shout “UP THE CHAIN” in the background of a Space Ghost episode is almost just a weird easter egg. But Birdman? Birdman was name-dropping Hanna Barbera characters the same way Frasier would talk about whatever gay shit Frasier talked about.

They aired The Dabba Don, Shaggy Busted, Shoyu Weenie, Very Personal Injury in that order. I would’ve swapped Shaggy and Shoyu and for Bannon Custody Battle and Death by Chocolate, but that’s just me, I guess.

vimeo

Adult Swim New Years Bash hosted by Carl and Brak | December 31, 2002 - 11:00 PM

Adult Swim officially ended 2002 with this: a night hosted by Carl and Brak in Times Square, watching the ball drop (which was FREAKING MEATWAD!!!!). I remember this night fondly. Unfortunately I can’t find the whole thing, but here’s a single segment I found on vimeo to give you some idea. I think I had it up at one point and Turner very annoyingly had it taken down.

I used to have this massive physical media collection; stuff on VHS and DVD and DVD-R that was meticulously catalogued. I ditched a lot of it in favor of digitizing stuff like this, eternally keeping it on hard drives that I meant to back up but never did. It seems more convenient, but it isn’t. If this were 2003 and I needed to show you this, I would be able to retrieve it from one of my many shelves. I might still have this, but would have no idea where to look for it and it would probably involve me getting in my car and going out to my storage unit and pulling every single box out. I turned it into ones an zeros and stuck it on a nondescript black box that could very well be dead. And now it’s not even on YouTube. Sad? Sure, it’s sad.

PEAK EPHEMERA

(phrase stolen from Grifthorse podcast)

Hey, here are some videos I found on YouTube in case you wanna go down a wormhole of watching old Adult Swim commercial breaks. May the gods of posterity keep them online forever:

February 4, 2002

Spring 2002

June 16, 2002

June 30, 2002

July 27, 2002

August 2002

November 17, 2002

November/December 2002

MAIL BAG:

This ends EPHEMERA WEEK. We’ll do actual episodes soon!

What's the scariest thing you seen on adult swim?

I don’t know if I have a real answer for this. I don’t think I actually get scared by stuff in movies or TV shows. I can’t even come up with a funny answer. Remember the end of that Metalocalypse episode where the little sick girl is dead and her eyes turn into maggots and you hear that screechy voice was like I’M DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!!! I’ll just go with that even though it made me laugh really hard

Ever watch Limmy's Show

I am content just being vaguely aware of Limmy (no, I never watched his show. Seems good).

Please don't do such a big mailbag. I couldn't believe how many r-words wrote inane bullshit to you. Let keep this blog about the real stars: Master Shake, Space Ghost, Brak, Zorak, Meatwad, Frylock, Debbie, Black Debbie, Carl, Sparks, Stormy, Hesh, Moltar, Harvery Birdman Captain Murphy, Dr. Quinn, Paula, Marco, Brendon, Jason, Melissa, The Mooninites, the Plutonians, Peanut, Coach Mc Gurk, Mentok the Mindtaker, Virjay, Antoin, Colby, Trotter, Adair WE ARE THE UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE :)

I can’t believe this IDIOT doesn’t get that by typing such a long message he very IDIOTICALLY contributed to the length of the Maili Bag... LMFAO, what a IDIOT

This is maybe the funniest blog on tumblr. You really think these nasty little cartoons are special, huh?

Hey than-- oh :( Yeah, I guess so :(

would you like master shake if he did the whole thing

I’m sorry what

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #ephemera

5 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

819

what is a food that you’d hate to be allergic to?: Omg SEAFOOD. Can’t live without it. If I was allergic to it I’d be that person who brings tons of antihistamines everywhere I go so I can power through when eating crabs and mussels and shrimp. I just can’t live a life of being forced to watch others eat seafood while I can’t lol.

what color was the last towel you used?: Light blue.

would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you? Same height or a tad bit taller is fine; I’m not super particular when it comes to height.

when was the last time your nose bled? My nose has never bled before and I dread the day it happens for the first time, because I’m totally unprepared and blood freaks me out and I will highkey probably pass out for a bit hahaha.

how old are you turning this year?: I already turned 22 last April. Considering the circumstances, my birthday had surprisingly gone really well too.

what is your favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie?: French fries from Potato Corner. My go-to bucket size is Mega and I will typically request my order to be 1/2 barbecue and 1/2 cheese fries. I’ll feel super uneasy if I don’t have that exact order when watching a movie at the cinema.

swimming pool or hot tub?: So I had to look up hot tub because I wanted to know how it’s different from a jacuzzi, and holyyyyy crap I’ve learned something new - Jacuzzi is a brand of hot tubs, wtfreak my life has been a lie I thought it was a word!!! Hahaha in any case, I do prefer hot tubs more. I’ve always felt dirty hanging around in swimming pools.

can you swim well? I’m not able to perform any of the strokes like an Olympic athlete, but I can tread well and for a good amount of time.

what body part do you wash first in the shower?: Not really a part of the body per se but I’ve always washed my hair first.

who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day? No thanks, I find that too invasive.

what kind of first impression do you think you make? Cold and a little aloof, which isn’t too far off from the truth especially if I’m not approached first. If someone does talk to me for the first time, it’ll depend on their body language whether I’ll choose to continue to be reserved, or if I’d want to be bubbly and vibrant around them.

name your last reason for using a camera? My dad honked his horn as he parked in the carport to let us know he was home, and my dog ran up the screen door and sat patiently to wait for him to come inside, his tail wagging the whole time.

where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? Sometimes I’ll line up our dining chairs together so it can turn to some sort of bed, and I’ve been falling asleep on that often lately.

what are you excited about? To drink the rest of this milk tea my dad bought me :) He went out to run some errands and I guess he’s been hearing me talk about how I miss having milk tea, so he went out of his way to go to a Chatime and get drinks for me and my sister.

seven days from now, will you be in a relationship? Yes.

are you a happy person? My emotions are always all over the place. I’m never consistently in a certain mood.

when was the last time you laughed really hard & why? I was bored and missing normal life last night so I went through my uploaded photos on Twitter so I can see what I used to do before everything went downhill...and by doing that, I realized that I’m quite good at tweeting HAHAHA most of my captions made me laugh and my content/photos weren’t all that bland or bad either. Idk, this is one instance where I can confidently say that I’m funny hahaha.

what are you wearing? A UP shirt and a pair of shorts.

what do you want? For my college to post the official list of graduating students for this school year so that I can finally partake in the tradition of changing my Facebook DP to my senior photo. I REALLY love how my portrait turned out and I can’t wait for my loved ones to see it.

did you enjoy your weekend? It was okay I guess. My mom was annoyingly cranky throughout Saturday for no reason, but it mellowed out by the next day and that’s good enough for me. Other than that, it was just as uneventful as the last three months have been.

do you regret anything you’ve done recently? Just little stuff that I get over quickly like, “oh I regret making this coffee at 11 PM because it’s now 3 AM and I’m jumpy as fuck.” But no big regrets recently.

is there anybody you wish you could see? For fucking sure. I don’t even have to tell y’all who it is.

have you ever kissed anyone with a name that starts with j or m? Nope. I almost went out with an M, though.

how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 2 3/4 lol. I trust Andrew 110%...and I mooooostly trust my dad. Not with every single topic under the sun, but I still trust him a whole lot nonetheless.

do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? I hope I will be by then.

what makes you mad most about girls? Definitely wanna avoid generalizing in this question but the way some girls will fawn over men is super hypocritical and that bugs me to no end. Girls shaming other girls for a range of things is also annoying, whether it’s over wearing too much makeup, not wearing makeup, choosing to abort, physical appearances, their diet, etc. Some really need to mind their own fucking business.

have you ever been given roses? Yes.

do you even like getting flowers? I love receiving stems or bouquets but I’m not obsessed with them in that I wanna get them regularly. Giving me flowers for Valentine’s Day or on our anniversary is more than enough for me.

what’s your favorite flowers? Peonies.

could you go out in public looking like you do now? No. I’d change my shorts.

who’s the first person you texted today? I haven’t texted anyone today.

would you move to another state to be with the person you loved? That’s a toughie...it would depend on the opportunities I have wherever I live in the present, and whether there are better ones where my partner is. I’m young and still building up my career, so realistically I’d wanna look out for myself first instead of clumsily jumping in headfirst for love lol.

how’s the weather today? It’s strangely warm and humid and uncomfortable, which is annoyinggggg. News has said that the wet/rainy season already begun, so I don’t know why the sun is still hanging around and being, again, annoying.

what color are your eyes? Really dark brown, almost black.

do you like poptarts? In my country we only get the same five flavors but my favorite out of all of them is chocolate fudge. I really wish we had a wider selection though :(

where will you be 12 hours frm now? Getting ready for bed most likely.

is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated? No. I’m usually the one who involuntarily makes others feel intimidated, oops.

do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? Not exactly but it’s definitely gonna be one of the several tops and shorts I’ve just been repeatedly wearing at home since March.

are you on a desktop or laptop? Laptop. I haven’t used a desktop in ages.

does anyone hate you for no reason? I’m sure one or two people do, but I genuinely can’t care less.

what are you planning to do today? Finish my milk tea, maybe take another survey or two, eat the salted egg chips that my dad bought, and, if it cools down later in the day, take a quick nap.

play an instrument? I can play the recorder. I also memorize several songs on the piano, but the key word there is memorize lmao. I just know which keys to press due to watching covers over and over; but I can’t read notes, I don’t know which letters match which keys, have no idea what major and minor is, and I basically know absolutely nothing about using a piano.

would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Just to get closure from certain people or events. If I can go back in time I’d spend more time with my late grandpa, for one.

where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? I’ve already forgotten.

have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an r? No. I’m an R though, heh.

have you ever passed out? Yeah numerous times. I’m a big fainter, which just sounds so uncool lmfao.

are you easily confused? Yes I feel lost quite easily. I’m often the butt of my friends’ jokes because of this, but I don’t mind hahaha.

do you think you would make a good wife/husband? I like to think that I would be, but I dunno. I’m still insanely young and I know I’ll be a completely different person with different priorities, mindset, attitude, etc., by the time I get married. It’s too early to tell.

what’s your favorite kind of ice cream? Cookies and cream. Queso real is also a really good flavor and it was my favorite for some time before my taste shifted to cookies and cream.

do you like coffee? Love coffee.

do you like summer? I like it when I get to go to the beach or when my family books trips out of town or the country, but I reeeeeally could do without the hot and sticky weather. It’s definitely not my favorite period of the year.

where were you at 8am this morning? I was asleep for half of it, then by 8:30 I was up and scrolling through Facebook.

do you fall for people easily? No. That is one thing I can’t do as a demisexual haha.

everything happens for a reason? This is usually my mindset, yes. It helps me process and accept circumstances better and much more quickly.

have you ever dated someone more than once? Yup, Gab and I have broken up before.

who have you texted in the last 24 hours? No one. Not really big on texting these days as I’ve been using Messenger to contact people throughout the quarantine.

what color nail polish is on your toes? My toes are never painted.

do you find members of the preferred sex confusing? People of any gender have the potential to be confusing. < This.

what are you listening to right now? Right now all I can hear is the work being done for the new house that’s being constructed in front of ours, so I’ll hear the occasional shoveling of stones and trucks coming in and out of the construction zone. The last music I listened to was the Presto from Summer of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons because Portrait of a Lady on Fire always makes me feel things.

how has the week been? It hasn’t been horrible, I’ll give it that. I’ve been revisiting my old fandoms out of boredom but it’s turned out to be a lot of fun; my mom brought home cupcakes at the start of the week; I had milk tea today; and we just had Kimi groomed this afternoon so his fur is all gone and now he looks like a giant rat.

is there something you wish you could tell someone but can’t? I wish I could have respectful debates with my Duterte- and/or Trump-supporting relatives, but I know that’s impossible.

what are your biggest turn offs? People who: can only hold shallow conversations, are disrespectful to those in the service industry; are casually homophobic, racist, sexist, transphobic, and/or fatphobic; take their religion way too seriously; and neglect their pets.

favorite shirt to wear? My CM Punk Best in the World shirt, without a doubt. I’ve been wearing it semi-regularly for nine years and have absolutely no intention of throwing it out.

favorite drink? Depends on my mood and the occasion. If I’m studying I’d wanna have coffee with me, if I’m casually dining at a restaurant I’d be happy with iced water, etc.

last person to say ‘i love you’ to you? Gab.

would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yeah, but when that’s gonna happen again I still have no idea...

what’s your favorite color gummy bear? I always find myself reaching for the red ones.

what is the nicest part of the opposite sex’s body? I don’t consistently stare at a certain part of a guy’s body.

have you ever run into a dishwasher? No, those aren’t common here.

ever had a song sung about/for you? Nope.

is there a baby in the room with you right now? No, not technically. But I do consider my pets to be my babies. < Same. Kimi, now a giant rodent, is walking around the living room at the moment but he never strays too far from me.

where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other? CAAAAAAAAAR. This is a big reason why I miss driving, I haven’t been able to belt out in a while.

what is your favorite thing that is green? I don’t own a lot of green stuff since it’s my least favorite color...buuuuut I do have a printed flowy dress that I just love to wear, and it’s mostly olive green.

what did your last text message say? It’s an automated text from a vet clinic I went to last December telling me that I should bring Kimi back for a checkup. I appreciate the gesture but I’m not going back there after how condescending the vet was acting towards me.

what is the way to your heart? Acts of service has been my love language for the longest time.

what do you smell like? I smell nothing off of me now but I do know that I don’t smell unpleasant, because if I did I would’ve noticed it immediately and would feel more conscious.

what’s in your pocket? I don’t have any.

anything in your mouth? Not right now but I’ve been sipping milk tea with pearls all afternoon.

ever hurt yourself playing wii? Only after my first day of playing Wii Sports. It was like a workout for my tiny 10 year old body and I woke up all sore the next morning.

do you have freckles? No, not a common feature here.

what’s the last movie you saw in the theater? Knives Out.

ever jumped/fallen/been pushed in a pool with your clothes on? Noooooooooo. I feel like that’s super uncomfortable; I’ve always entered pools with a swimsuit or bikini. My glare is usually enough for people to understand that I wouldn’t appreciate being thrown into a pool while I still had clothes on.

are you wearing any clothes that you wore yesterday? Technically. I took a shower in the evening and changed into the clothes I’m wearing now, but that was in the evening so it’s not like I wore them all day yesterday.

name a song that you know all the words to: Every single Paramore song. Guaranteed.

what’s the last thing you watched on tv? If we’re really going with a physical TV, the last thing I watched was Descendants of the Sun when I used the Netflix app on our TV. The last series I watched in general was Friends.

what can you hear right now? Two fans whirring in the living room.

did you feel better or worse or the same yesterday? I’m slightly better today. I’m glad Kimi has finally been groomed since his fur had knotted up in the last couple of weeks. Plus I also have milk tea today, and that’s always a winner :)))

are you close to your siblings? With my sister, but we treat each other like buddies and are more of the tough-love type. We banter more than anything and we don’t hold heart to heart talks.

do you bite your nails? No we have a nail cutter at home that I use. If I’m going through a period of heightened anxiety I will bite my nails though.

do you like your feet? Uh, I guess. I’m not complaining about them? but I’m also not attracted to feet. Mine are just there and I’m fine with them.

do you sleep well at night? For the most part.

#survey #surveys

3 notes · View notes

szopenhauer · 4 years

Text

What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about? I won’t even have kids...

What is your least favourite thing about your full name? it’s long, it’s polish, it’s feminine, it starts on a letter Z that is rarely used, people don’t know how to write my surname down, it reminds people of a stupid song that I hate etc.

Do you like sunglasses? it’s complicated Do you think dreams can give us insight to things? sorta, sometimes Besides your computer, what else is cluttering your desk? what isn’t...

What is your favourite glass to drink from? prefer a mug When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now? they were born in Poland where we still live What time is it in the country you get the most of your heratige from? 14.42 Would you rather live in the 1960’s or the 1910’s? 60s Is the computer your only current light source? window/sun too Do you think you look good with a hat on? I’m ugly no matter what so...

Do you have anyone you fully trust? not fully, not even myself, some I just trust more than others When did you last talk on the phone with someone? yesterday with M.

Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? kinda When did you last receive a hug and who was it from? mom, this day Was the last movie you watched a horror film? noooo Do you own a lot of tee shirts? shitload Do you handle pain well? been told Have you ever been so nervous you threw up? I never threw up out of stress, I can feel nauseous though Do you enjoy your hairstyle? not really atm but it’s not the worst How much make up do you wear on a daily basis? none, ever Do you have a leather jacket? fake

What is the worst insult someone can call you? I’ve already heard everything I suppose... Do you write on your hands a lot? not anymore Do you think hugs are awkward? often Ever play Angry Birds? flappy bird only How late did you stay up last night? till mornin’ Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? mhm Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? they would have to be really stupid to choose mine tbh Is there a place you’d rather live right now? on my own... Do you go out often? lately Is there anyone who is overly nice to you? my current partner, I don’t deserve her If you’re reading a book, what page are you currently on? I’m not reading anything Do you have a job you like? I don’t have a job How many scarves do you own, if any at all? uh oh :x

What is one way in which this year is different from last year? where should I start... Do you feel like you have too much on your plate and your life is too hard? for me it is too hard Did you do anything you regret within the last 24 hours? probably What is your favorite day to go grocery shopping? I don’t have a favorite day to go but I don’t shop on Sundays and Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays are usually the hardest to get anything Would you follow God even if it meant losing your home, your source of food, all of your friends, or even your life? jeśli byłabym 100% pewna, że Bóg tego chce i co mam robić Who’s death has affected you the most? my brother’s Have you ever grown sunflowers? they didn’t turn out well Are you scared to stand up to a police officer? no idea What is your doctor’s first name? which one?

Do you hate political posts on facebook? when there’s plenty, especially wrong How many pictures do you have stored on your computer? omg Which type of camera do you prefer: digital or Polaroid? hard to tell Have you ever had a camera that took film? we had when I was still a kid Do you ever squirt whip cream onto a plate and then eat it by itself? disgusting Have you ever had a hot flash? common Are you ok? my heart hurts badly Would you rather wear purple glasses or black glasses? black If you’re a girl, do you ever shop in the boys or mens section? absolutely If you’re a guy, do you ever shop in the girls or womens section? I’m a woman What do you think of when you hear the word “Christian”? religious person lmfao How many pullover hoodies do you own? bunch Which do you take more: videos or photos? pics What is the most embarrassing thing you can think of happening? my imagination is vivid What are two names you used to get mixed up when you were younger? for example - Ada and Adrianna What do u think of the quote “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” I disagree Do you wear earmuffs when it’s cold out? I don’t own any

If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt? on my phone, not computer What do you smell right now? luckily nothing much If you were an instrument, what would you be? smth annoying? Do you hate the usual 100 questions surveys? EX: Eye color boring Does your house have a doorbell? of course Do you know someone who has dropped out of high school? my classmate If you were to get a pet turtle right now, what would you name it? mine was called Bob and I don’t want a new one What’s your most hated commercial to watch? most of them are shit What was the last thing you charged? cellphone When you were younger, did you believe you could fly? if I did I would be dead by now (jumping out of window or smth) Favorite farm animal? chicken What’s your favorite name that begins with B? I don’t like polish names starting on B letter If someone payed you $500 would you take a bath in milk? why not Do you enjoy having time to yourself? :3 Can you do a cart wheel? still but crappy Do you like Ed Sheeran? blergh Would you rather become an author or teacher? author How many people are you currently texting? just 1 This time tomorrow, what will you be doing? hopefully spend time with @jonasz-cat Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? money Have you ever been inside a recording studio? I have not Would you rather visit Mars or Neptune? Neptune Does it bother you when people keep talking to you and you want to leave? very Have you ever texted a landline phone by accident? my sister did Do you like quotes about love or life better? love is part of life What color is your garage? not applicable Do you like it when people give you compliments? they’re lying Was your hair straight today? my hair is wavy Do you ever share things on Facebook? quizzes from buzzfeed, music link from yt and selfies Do you pick out your outfits for the next day the night before or the AM? am What color was your swim suit this year? bluish Do ladders scare you? I’m cautious

1 through 10, how would you rate your day? low Any specific reason why? how I feel physically and those mirror demons mostly + some minor things

Salt or pepper? salt If you look to your right & then look down.. What do you see? bag Did you use swear words today? sigh... What did you buy today? food

If you had the choice to meet three famous people, who would you choose? dead or alive? Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? dog is domestic ;)

Do you think people under fourteen should have sex? hell no How old were you when you had your first alcoholic beverage? 20+ What is something most people think of as lame, but you don’t? my interests? Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? just my teeth, fingers or eyes Do you like gore? no thx Would you rather receive a kiss on the cheek, or on the forehead? neck :P Have you ever had a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend flirt with you? someone who seriously tried to become my friend’s bf flirted with me and her sister and that’s one of reasons I say that you can lie with both actions AND words Where is your biological mother at the moment? kitchen Do you enjoy going places with your mother, like running errands? ... Do you have any annoying siblings? she indeed annoys me How many people are in your immediate family? I count my parents and eventually my sister as immediate family Would you say you have good or bad luck? bad Do you like your laugh? uh... Do you hate it when people ask you how their survey was at the end? because they should do better, be more unique, sorry not sorry What are your plans for the rest of the day? we’ll see

Have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? ... buttons? not zipper?... What does your last text say? it was the link to the article

Do you ever think about the past? I’m nostalgic and an overthinker Is math your favorite part of school? even in middle school when I was getting high grades for math I didn’t like it that much Have you held hands with anyone in the past 24 hours? yesterday You’ve taken fifteen shots of vodka, what are you doing? exactly, WHAT AM I DOING?! Do you regret any of your relationships? yasss but I guess I learned yadda yadda yadda Whats the last taste in your mouth? stomach acid :(

What are your countries staple dishes? (Italians - pizza, pasta etc) *shrug* What was the last thing you felt disappointed by? my very own self Do you play games on your phone? nothing else but Choices Do you have music on your cellphone? spotify Name three black things that you can see? necklace, cellphone, calculator Do you like your best friends parents? Could you even tell me their names? I liked my elementary school’s bestie’s mom - Mrs. Krysia she was like an aunt to me and still recognizes me on the street, I miss her Are you more of a mums kid or dads kid? dad’s Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn? Marilyn Monroe forever anything silly that annoys you? (i hate hearing nails being clipped) for example - someone scratching their plate with a fork, jak ktoś sztućcem zgrzebuje resztki jedzenia mam ochotę go zamordować >.< would you perfer to do the dishes or hang washing? dishes

1 note · View note

bruisingknees · 5 years

Text

wtFOCK VLOG #8 Can we break a world record? (06-08-2019)

Watch the vlog on YouTube! - turn on subtitles on YouTube if you want to watch the vid with subs*!

R: Hey!

M: Welcome.

J: What’s up?

M: Welcome, welcome.

J: We are broerrrs. (Brrros)

R: Broerrrs.

M: And what do you – oh, what's this, boy?

J: I think.

R: Paper? (He literally says: “papier hier,” which means “paper here.” There’s a famous trash can in the shape of a nursery rhyme character called “Holle Bolle Gijs” in the Dutch theme park 'Efteling'. This is what he looks and sounds like (you’re not ready) and if you wanna see him in action you can watch this)

J: Bad for the environment.

R: Bad for the environment. A tree.

J: I think they’re post-its.

R: Post-its.

M: And what’s this? This is a new vlog about world records, yeah? So, what are we gonna do, guys? What are we gonna do?

J: What are we doing? You tell us, what we’re doing.

R: Tell us.

M: Well, what we’re doing.

R: What are we doing?

M: We’re going to try and break some world records.

R: There we go!

M: Sticking more than 58 post-its on someone’s head in one minute.

J: Because -

M: Because.

J: - sticking 58 post-its on someone’s face in one minute is the global record.

R: World record.

M: Top.

R: The global record.

World Record #1

R: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, go. And here they go. Jens trained all vacation long to break this record, will he be able to do it? Is he going to make it? Only time can tell. Moyo is helping him very cursory and pliantly (he literally used those words in Dutch lmfao). We’re still going, come on guys, stick, stick, stick, stick. I guess I’ll close my eyes, cause I can’t see anything. Another twenty seconds. And uhm five, four, three, two, one, stooooop.

M: Okay. Sixteen (English).

J: Seventeen.

M: Eighteen. Twenty-four.

J: Twenty-five.

M: Twenty-six.

J: Twenty-seven, twenty-eight. God – goddamn!

R: Wow, 58 is a lot.

M: That's a lot. What did we get?

R: That’s more than double this. Should we try again?

M: We’ll do it again, but on someone else.

M: Twenty! Ten! One! Go! Three, two, one – auch.

J: Nine.

R: Twelve.

M: We keep on doing worse.

M: I’ll grab the mic – uhm, the camera.

R: There’s another record, in half a minute –

J: Half a minute.

R: 53? 63? 53?

M: 53!

J: 53.

R: There’s another record, throwing 53 water balloons in someone's face in half a minute.

J: That’s not bad.

R: That’s not bad, that’s quite a lot.

J: And do you know whose face?

R: Do you know whose face?

J: Haha!

R: Oh no, no no! Hold up, hold up. Stay away from me.

J: If you do that one more –

M: Watch out – woah!

R: Come on, let’s fill some balloons!

World Record #2

M: So wait, what are you supposed to?

R: It’s not a toy, jensrolt. (Jens’ IG handle)

M: Grab a nice hold of my balls.

R: I think if we can throw these ones already… I would throw them one at a time.

J: We didn’t get 60 of them filled up, cause we’re actually not that handy. This already took…

R: Half an hour. This took us half an hour.

J: A good forty minutes!

R: Go, man.

M: Here *points at face* Hey, dude. No.

J: How nice, how nice. Come here.

M: A question for the viewers: is water wet?

J: Is it wet or not? It’s wet.

R: Yeah, today I can tell you with honor – uhm, certainty: water is actually rather wet.

World Record #3

J: New world record.

R: New world record.

J: New. Eat as many candies, chocolates, as possible with chopsticks, blindfolded, in one minute.

R: In one minute.

J: One minute.

R: Okay.

J: What’s the record, actually?

R: The record is close to –

M: Twenty, right?

R: Twenty, I think.

M: Can I get your phone so I can – oh no, I have a timer.

R: You have a timer?

M: One minute?

J: One minute.

M: Then you can start in ten seconds. nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, goooooo. Four, three, two, one. Stop! Okay.

R: I have -

M: How many did you get?

R: I don’t know, I think four or five?

J: I got six.

M: Okay, then we have a winner!

R: No, I wanna go again. I want a rematch.

M: Okay but then against me. Then Jens will film.

J: That’s fine.

M: Our Jens. (he pronounces it (French) Jean-s)

J: Five, four.

M: Wait, wait, wait.

J: Three, two, one. Go! Five, four, three, two, one, psssh. And? What’s the verdict? Robbe?

R: Six. Or maybe five. Six.

J: Looks like you can’t really count that well. You?

M: Eleven.

J: Eleven?

R: Nooo.

J: With one stick.

R: Okay, guys, here’s another challenge. Put as many laundry pegs on someone’s face as possible.

J: Well.

R: And that’s what we’re doing. I’ll give this to you.

World Record #4

J: You’ll have to sit in the middle.

R: I’ll sit in the middle. You can do ears, you can do the nose.

J: Ears are allowed?

R: Lips are allowed, the chin is allowed. I wouldn’t go for the throat.

J: No?

R: Okay! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, action! Two, one, stop!

J; Wait, we’re gonna help, we’re gonna help, we’re gonna help.

M: Calm down, calm down. Oh, wait, grab the camera. Quick, quick.

J: Warrior!

R: And all of this for you -

J: Jesus.

R: - boys and girls. Important question – stop the timer – how many are there?

M: 37? That’s not that bad.

R: I don’t think that’s bad.

J: Not bad at all. Maybe we should just say that’s the new record.

R: There we have it, the first world record is in the bag. 37 laundry pegs, in two minutes, on someone’s face. Champagne!

J: If anyone can do better…

R: Let us know.

J: Show us.

R: Film it, send it.

M: Are you for real?

R: I didn’t chew that.

M: Oh, yes.

J: Dear friends, we’re sticking to the theme and we’re gonna use the chopsticks again.

M: I read that the world record for stacking dice with chopsticks is -

J: What?

M: 44.

World Record #5

M: Okay. Three, two - (French)

R: Wait, wait, can I hold them?

J: No, no.

R: I’ll just put a couple on the table.

M: Yeah, that’s okay.

J: The table’s okay.

M: And we’re off. (French)

J: Could be better, Moyo.

M: Okay.

R: Five, four, three, two, one, go!

J: And-

R: Stop.

J: Wah. Buddy.

R: Seven.

M: Come on! Seven, or something.

J: Let’s say eight. Eight! If we all got 13… but that’s still not 44.

M: No.

R: But if you add them together.

M: Still no.

J: Still not.

M: No.

R: Too bad.

J: So in conclusion: 44 divided by 2 -

R: That’s a fucking lot.

M: - isn’t six

J: Or seven.

R: It’s also not…

J: There’s a lot of things it’s not.

R: There’s a lot of things it’s not.

M: There’s a lot of things it’s not – oooh.

J: If you can stack more than seven dice, let me know.

R: The End.

J: The End.

M: For the last one, we’ll drink this bottle as fast as we can.

J: What’s the record?

M: 2,3 seconds.

R: What the fuck?

M: That’s crazy, man.

World Record #6

M: Is this sparkling water? Is it? Come on, man.

R: No, I refilled it.

J: It’s tap water. Three, two, one, go!

R: Faster.

J: Come on, six seconds.

R: Faster! Faster, faster, faster.

J: Eighteen, nineteen, twenty,... twenty-two, twenty-three. Twenty-four seconds.

R: Twenty-four seconds! Yeah, that’s…

J: That’s bad.

M: Where I’m from – I have black magic, yeah? So -

R: Okay, come on Jensy-boy.

M: Three, two, one. Go! Okay, five seconds, five seconds. We’re at thirty. Oh la la, no! More! Come on, you lost! You lost. Twenty-two, twenty-three. I had twenty-four.

R: Nice.

M: Three, two, one.

R: Hey! Magic!

M: Wow!

R: Hey.

M: Okay,

J: Three, two, one. Let’s go (Spanish). Okay. A tear. Wait, what? What? What?

M: Twelve!

R: Bam, bitch!

M: Wow!

J: What the hell?

M: Wow!

R: Yeah, you know.

J: Twelve? That’s twice as fast as us.

R: This’ll be coming up again in no time.

J: How did you do that?

R: Talent, dude. Talent.

J: You slurped it up.

R: Friends at home -

M: Friends at home?

R: Between us, if you want to down a bottle of water, put a straw in it and bend the straw so air can get in the bottle. Put the bottle to your lips, and then just pour it in, but air will get in the bottle so it’ll run out faster.

M: Oh, okay!

R: And then you can...

M: Guys, do you want -

J: Other world records?

M: Yeah, other world records.

R: Other vlogs – if you have any ideas for a vlog, comment.

J: That’s what you always do on a keyboard.

R: Coolio.

J: On my keyboard, at least.

R: Coolio, coolio.

J: Okay. I’m gonna leave then, okay?

R: Yo.

M: Hey, boys, wow!

*Subs on YouTube not by me! :)

#wtfock #wtfock vlog #this is late but the subs were on the YouTube video pretty much straight away so I figured nobody was waiting for this haha

2 notes · View notes

saportuh · 6 years

Text

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician.

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf”

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for.

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME”

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY,

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow.

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

#finally posting it lmao #81218 #long post -

9 notes · View notes

freenewstoday · 3 years

Photo

New Post has been published on https://freenews.today/2021/03/01/punch-drunk-ufc-star-paulo-costa-mocked-by-fans-over-claim-he-drank-too-much-wine-the-night-before-israel-adesanya-title-fight/

Punch drunk: UFC star Paulo Costa mocked by fans over claim he ‘drank too much wine’ the night before Israel Adesanya title fight

Paulo Costa had a novel excuse for his unusually tepid performance in his world title bout against Israel Adesanya, earning derision for admitting that he was “hungover” from a full bottle of wine he had drunk hours beforehand.

Brazil’s Costa surrendered his unbeaten professional record when he was beaten by middleweight champion Adesanya in Abu Dhabi last September, but more more disappointing than the result was the performance of the usually ferocious slugger.

Rather than hunting down his opponent as he had done in his previous 13 fights, Costa stayed at range and presented an easy target to the laser-sighted Adesanya.

Costa initially pointed to less-than-ideal scenarios in preparation which had hindered his performance, at the time suggesting that a lack of sleep was a significant factor.

Lmfao Costa said he Drank a whole bottle of wine before the night before the fight to go sleep, was drunk when he fought, Leg cramps, didn’t fight properly because he was too calm, was sleepy and yawning the whole time and had many other factors going into the fight??? 🧐 pic.twitter.com/mPKa8uSh6Y

— OG_Trillmatic (@OTrillmatic) February 28, 2021

Paulo Costa fans must be so embarrassed rn….and remember this is a man that got humped in the cage but somehow this is worse to me

— Euman Trash (@KrayT1to) February 28, 2021

Several months on from the world title fight, he now says that he probably shouldn’t have drank a bottle of wine the night before the fight.

“I was kind of drunk [when] I fought, maybe, on hangover,” Costa said on his YouTube channel (via translation).

“I couldn’t sleep because of [leg] cramps. Keep in mind that the fight happens at 9am [local time]. We have to wake up at 5 to get ready, stretch, wrap the hands.

The night before the biggest fight of his fighting career and he drinks too much wine? Who does he think he is? Jon Jones? 😂

— MartialMind 🇳🇬🇺🇲 (@MartialMind1) February 28, 2021

“The UFC told us to wake up at five in the morning to go to the arena to fight. I hadn’t slept until 2.30.

“It was my mistake and I don’t blame anyone else. It was something I chose [to do] but, in order to try to sleep, because I had to sleep since I had been awake for 24 hours, I had wine – too much wine, a bottle [of wine] to try to black out.

“I had a glass and it didn’t work. Two glasses, it didn’t work. Half bottle, didn’t work. I had it all.”

Costa, who lost by second-round knockout in the fight, had previously admitted that he should have sought to postpone the fight for a week given his problems sleeping. He elaborated in the video about exactly how he felt in the cage after his pre-fight bender.

“It was a different feeling,” he said in the video. “I’m always very active in every fight.

“There’s some apprehension, fear of getting hit and whatnot, so you’re on. In this fight, the championship fight, I was sleepy, yawning and unworried.

“It was odd. I didn’t feel anything, not even an agony, ‘Wow, I’m fighting for the title.’ Not even that. I was too calm. All that calm freaked me out.”

Listeners were predictably unconvinced. “What a cry baby,” retorted MMA fighter Ramsey Nijem. “You drank the wine and got f**ked. You’re not the first.”

“So the night before the biggest fight of his career he ‘drank too much wine’,” said one fan, while others compared Costa’s surprising explanation to the roundly-discredited reasons given by former boxing champion Deontay Wilder for his knockout defeat against Tyson Fury last year.

“The fight that would’ve not only made him a UFC champion but also dethroned a fighter who many before him couldn’t, and that’s how serious he took it. He should never be given another shot at the title.”

Costa will get his opportunity to rebound from the Adesanya loss when he fights former 185lbs titleholder Robert Whittaker in a five-round main event on April 17 – when Costa promises we will see the return of the man who fought his way to title contention, rather than the person who ultimately surrendered the opportunity.

“It will be the same Paulo of always, going for the knockout at all times. I haven’t changed,” he said. “The thing is, I was 20, 10 percent of my capacities in the Adesanya fight.

“We had to change the the strategy in the locker room – ‘don’t attack him, just wait for the first two rounds’ – which was a mistake. Today we know that was a mistake, but talking is easy.”

Source

0 notes

bigbrothermonopoly · 4 years

Text

EPISODE 3:

HOH: EVE

EVICTED: TAWNI 13-0

KORI:

Honestly, after recording this, it kinda shocks me how much was happening in House Chat... did they not have friends and family to spend the New Year's with instead of being drunk on Discord?

youtube

JESS:

If I have to hear Chris say "And I ooop" ONE MORE FUCKING TIME. I SWEAR.

WILLIAM:

I can't say I am not nervous about Eve winning HoH for two reasons.... First off I know that there are no more major house targets so now alliances might start forming, and I just hope that I am a part of them, and secondly I don't think many people know where Eve's head is at and whoever she puts up will absolutely be a blindside

KRISTINE:

Oh my goodnessss Im so glad that Eve kept me safe this week. It really really sucks that I’m playing veto though... especially since Austin is up there as a nominee. I really think I should throw this Veto because I really need to keep my middle ground. I want to work with Eve for sure but Chris is just like pulling me into all this craziness with a big alliance and everything it’s really too much sometimes. I’m throwing this veto hard asf and this one BETTER not bounce back lmao. Anyways I hope this works out for me.

JESS:

The relationships in this game are definitely becoming super evident and transparent right now. From the top of my head I can name at least 4 sets of duos, budding friendships, and alliances. This what I think so far.... Gwen, Silence, and Austin are an alleged thing. How do I know: Will told me because Madison spilled it to him. (Brien hasn't told me yet and I'm sure Madison has told me so that is SUSSSSSSS) As a result of that... I know: Will and Madison are close which means Brien/Madison/Will should be close just by association through Madison. Madison has come to life so it wouldn't surprise me if she was friends with a majority of these boys because apparently that is her thing. Brien also seems to be spreading his social seed around so those two are kind of scary to me but as soon as I expose they are dating I think there will at least be some paranoia there and people will target them. Will was an idiot and shared his screen so my ass took a screenshot to see his alliances and I do know he has one called "Rws League" so I know he's at least withholding that info from me. SO SUSSSSS but also can't blame him for not sharing alliances with me? We will work on that though. Next up we have: Kristine, Chris, Brien, Emma, Emma How do I know: Brien spilled the beans last round. Do I think it's 100% a thing not really but I do think there is a chance it is a thing. The idea of this being a thing is soooo scary to me because this group has sooo many other outside connections. Brien has Madison because well they are dating. Kristine and Chris are close I think? Emma and Def have that Galore thing but who knows? (I honestly don't think the Galore thing is an actual factor in this game) Kristine has Eve and that whole duo thing fucking scares me because I think they could both run this game if they wanted to do so. Where do I fit into all of this? I have no idea. I don't have anything outside of my day 1 alliance of Kori/Emma/Eve/Mackenzie/Myself and the weird Brien and Madison one. I know I need to make more connections so people won't nominate me or if they do I'll have the votes and the connections to stay. I know Brien has hinted at wanting to make an alliance of 5 with myself, Eve, him, and Madison but he's really pushing for William as a fifth. Which I would be fine with IF I didn't know that he was already close with Madison. I don't like power imbalances not in my favour in alliances so... yikes. I feel a bit better about my position in the game right now. I do think I've at least gained some ground on people like William and Andrew. I want to trust Kori and work with him going forward but I'd be dumb to think he's not doing the same thing and planning for the future where the alliance implodes. I just feel like with Kori it is so hard for me right now to get him to give me info. I feel like I'm the one who constantly has to talk to him first, give him info first, and try to basically encourage him to TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS GAME and it is driving me insane. I'm trying not to be paranoid but that just scares me and shows me that just because I think I can trust someone it does not necessarily mean the feeling is mutual or at least it isn't at the same level of trust I have in them. This is probably paranoia all talking so don't mind me future episode reader.

CHRIS:

All right so I survived Potentially eve putting me up. I only assume that she would because her and Andrew seem very close. I know that I am on thin ice with some people however hopefully the nominations will stay the same and I won’t be back doored. If anyone in my alliance wins and they want to take down Austin, I might convince them to not and just shove all the votes on silence. If all the vote go on silence then Austin will still be here no matter what, which would then still have power trap, Jason’s book club, and underwood slongs are still intact. Soon this game will take off, and there will be no easy targets. When that happens I am hopeful all my appliances and the relationships I made or help me walk towards the end

KORI:

So, this kindof sucks? Like on one hand I'm glad Eve won HoH because I want her to raise her target so that she'll eventually take the fall, and because I know we're good and she won't be looking to nominate me or backdoor me for a solid while yet. Still not exactly a fan of how it went down since she did LITERALLY nothing in the challenge until the last hour. Mackenzie did all the work in my mind she should've probably won the challenge. The part that sucks is that she nominated Austin AND Silence, two of my Mandela Moncoles Alliance members, which means I can't actually win POV even if I'm capable of doing so. (Granted I'd have thrown even if she nominated one of them.) Because then I'd have to choose, that could expose things, yadda, yadda, yadda. I might come to regret throwing POV because it could lead to myself being backdoored. But I also am hoping the game I'm playing is like I don't know, not complete shit that I won't be in that kind of situation this early on. There's still some people where my relationship is pretty lacking and balancing that last challenge when I'm in 2 alliances was just a complete cluster-fuck, and here's hoping that if it IS Silence and Austin, that Silence is the one that goes. I feel like Austin is easier to manage, even if he's a little less active. Like Silence is ok, but we don't need more drunkeness and shit. Hopefully whoever goes my relation to Gwen and whoever stays remains UTR. Though the nomination situation might change post-veto. I'm also currently debating snagging the Utilities when I have enough money... I dunno, it just seems like it could be a good purchase for me, since I don't predict I'll be in a situation where I'll actually be able to get Boardwalk and Park Place. We'll see what my options are closer to the time.

ANDREW:

episode 3 why tf would chris come for me, he asked me to be his ally the other day like thats annoying af. he pissed me off "i see that william billed me. i now give myself permission to destroy him without feeling bad" mission accomplished i want to win this HoH so far im doing pretty good and im confident i can win if i keep it up the only thnig im worried about is i told my bf id hang out with him at like 7:30 but. might have to blow him off jk not ruining a relationship 4 this game but i hope i can win lmfao Chris pming mackenzie to get me out Ur ass is going up if i win mf Ur an idiot. I hate every man in this competition except brian and dem i like actually dont wanna try anymore these bitches are so fucking annoying like i will try but i dont fucking want to i hate kori and chris i hate chris so fucking much Eve is in first place and she hasnt done shit which is lowkey annoying af but its whatever For some reason i feel like Eve is going to do me dirty this week, I don’t know why i feel this way but I just do I see her as big af competition like probs my biggest, i hope she doesn’t see me in the same light because i don’t want her gunning for me@ Daily reminder I hate Chris I know it’s going to be a bitch to take him out of this game But i will go down trying Omg! Austin winning veto is fucking dope cuz i completely expected him to go home this week lmfao And i think he likes me still despite the whole chris thingy (i informed him what happened and how we will no longer be working together) EVE has informed me that there are sides slowly forming in this game, I tell her I'm scared bc I don't get much info, she tells me to stick with her and she'll have my back, so tht's what im going to do :heart: I trust her, the bitch is smart and people like her. her word seems genuine, she doesn't need to be making a deal with me, i have no power and she has all of it, so thats why im trusting her word rn

JESS:

Well time for a tipsy confessional. Guess what? People aka: Kristine think me, Gwen, and Tawni are close? That's fucking news to me. That kind of really bothers me because I don't get how she'd come to that conclusion.... which means someone on a call spread that to Kristine. Somehow. The only people on call with the 3 of us were Brien/William/Madison I think so rip,

AUSTIN:

So... I was nominated this week. But guess what? I won the mother fuckin’ power of veto and saved myself. Now Tawni is on the block next to Silence as Eve’s replacement nominee. I’m in an alliance with Silence so it would make sense to vote out Tawni. Most of the house wants Tawni out I believe so I’m pretty sure she is going home.

TAWNI:

I’m probably gone TAWNIToday at 5:11 AM Part of me wants to quit because I’m annoyed But I’m not a quitter At least physically leave the game quit I’ve just given up I physically feel sick TAWNIToday at 5:18 AM I wouldn’t be in this position If this was the time o was going to bed and not waking up everyday Or if I could be more active at work And this happening right after I’ve had to deal with the add contacts shit Like and everyone is mad at me because I have a bad taste for cheatham in my mouth when I have a valid reason to be mad at him but everyone sees it as I’m mad he voted me out But when have they heard me talk about the others that did Everyone in the community believes what they want to believe And right now I feel like I’m seen as the bad guy TAWNIToday at 5:29 AM But someone is saying I have connections in this game And I don’t I talk to Jess and brien Two votes won’t save me My fucking connections are in here And no one here can help me The worst part is the fact if anyone drafted me I like let them down. And like people have said before no one really cares about the draft like that but it’s like people had faith in me or at least hoped I’d win and I came up short. And on a comp I’m able to get a 12 on and I just couldn’t do it TAWNIToday at 6:23 AM I just don’t understand what I did Because eve saying it’s not personal doesn’t make sense. I’m not a physical threat. I haven’t come close to winning anything. I’m not a social threat clearly because no one wants to keep me where. And she said I was always going to be the renom???? And now I’m the target? And she’s mad at me for being upset?? I’m I just that big of an idiot that I don’t see her logic? And yes I’m still crying TAWNIToday at 6:34 AM It’s seriously taking everything in me to not go off in the house chat. I have so much anger and hurt built up inside of me right now. From getting out on TS and having everyone hate me to getting put on the list and not being able to defend myself not being able to defend someone I consider a friend after I got them put in that Situation and now because I don’t even know who started this thing about me having connections. I

MACKENZIE:

hiiii currently trying to decide who i’m gonna vote to evict hzjjzjzjz ummm hoping me or jess wins hoh next round ummm also kristine still scares me

GWEN:

Tawni will be going home. So much has gone down in the last few days. I was on VC with Silence and he didn't realize that Madison was on and mentioned an alliance with us and Austin. And now people think we're in an alliance with Dem. How that happened? I have no idea. Also, people think that the "Old ladies" of Tawni, Jess, and I are in an alliance. Not true. Soooo that is a good reason for Tawni to go home. I DON'T TRUST BRIEN THAT SNEAKY SON OF A BITCH...LOVE YOU Brien, but you gotta goooo dude.

JESS:

So I'm just here eating a bagel kind of hoping I choke on it because maybe it'll put me out of the misery that is this GAME. So much has happened this fucking round. First of all Kristine trying to paint me, Gwen, and Tawni as a trio... super cute. She couldn't be more wrong.This is the second time Kristine has been shady towards me so she needs to fucking go. She won't go for a bit because Eve thinks 'she has Kristine" but I don't so she needs to BOUNCE. I don't trust Tawni one bit. She's too emotional, she literally admitted to hating me for A YEAR for a past game move I don't even remember or the game.. Gwen is also just... way.too.much. So that is a big yikes. So Tawni has to go. She was going to go regardless because of her comment she made towards me about being mad at me for a year. So that had to go for me before jury started because nope. not listening to that all game. I'll let Eve think she's protecting me from others but I would have pushed Tawni to go because she has the MOST dirt on my gameplay in this game. So this all works out. HOWEVER, MY BOO ANDREW IS KEEPING STUFF FROM ME. I'm heart broken. LITERALLY HEART BROKEN. I'm hearing he knew about the alliance of Gwen, Austin, Silence, Dem but he didn't tell me. Now he's trying to pretend like he's hearing this shit for the first time and I'm just overrrrrr it. This is strike one for him. I know he's close to Austin. So that's probably why everyone knows about this alliance. Austin probably told Andrew and Chris. I think Chris told Brien who in turn told me.. and everyone else because he's... Brien. I've also found out that Chris/Kristine/Emma have recently played a game together so THANKS JACOB for casting them together. That there is also an alliance with Brien/Chris/Gwen which is cute. Will use this info later on. I just think there's way tooo many unknowns for me in this fucking game but I don't want to win next HOH because I would want to nominate fucking Kristine. She doesn't trust me and I don't trust her. I'd be so tempted to nominate Kristine/Austin just to shake shit up. But one could only dream and that'd be dumb. I'm so happy Mackenzie is starting to see through Eve's shit. I really hope she starts playing as her own player because I'd make her my #1 so fucking fast. I obviously can't agree with her straight up because she might go back to Eve but... Eve does treat her and me like we are her bitches. We HAD to give Eve the advantage, we HAVE to take out Tawni for Eve. I can't wait until people start seeing through her shit and she goes but not only I've secured myself in this game..

KORI:

So like legit, Tawni has CRACKED. She got really emotional on call with Gwen and Eve, she's apparently HARDCORE throwing Gwen under the bus. I'm just sitting here drinking my tea like: https://media2.giphy.com/media/3o7btLQZrOU4ssEew8/giphy.gif It looks reasonably likely that Tawni is going to go home as a result. What's interesting is that this week I feel like revealed a dynamic to me of Madison-Brien-Tawni-William, that I think I wasn't aware of before. I also just did a clutch maneuver towards what I believed to be peak Chaos, Me and Gwen went and bought the utilities. Ideally I'll be the one in control of how we use the Utilities no idea what the power is yet because we're so BROKE we can't even trade them to a single person to hold... so that's fun. I'm excited though because I feel like it's the first thing I've like DONE. Granted this probably removes any Chance I have of getting Boardwalk/Park Place. But I'm totally fine with that, the odds of me getting that whole set was low anyway, this one is at least obtainable and there's a chance that I might get some more of the lower properties too. Brien is honestly probably a snake though based on the conversations we've been having lately. But I'm not gonna look to make some giant waves. Like if I win HoH next week I'll probably nominate some combination of William, Dem, Andrew, and Madison. Just gotta see how this week goes first. (And actually win HoH next week. Probs won't happen... we'll have to wait and see.) In other news I just launched my ORG series Survivor Zenith YAS! It's stressful hosting an ORG but like I'm excited too, so here's hoping that goes well and that I'm still in this game when I finish hosting it.

EMMA:

shit is gonna be wild next week cant wait to make a confs and not be boring yeehaw

BRIEN:

youtube

0 notes

90jeduardo-blog · 4 years

Photo

http://www.boredpanda.com/finley-dog-tennis-ball-record/ Dog Obsessed With Tennis Balls Breaks World Record For Amount Of Tennis Balls In His Mouth 5.3K Animals – Bored Panda / by Andželika Jasevičiūtė / 6 hours ago Many dogs absolutely adore playing with balls, but some of them take the game to a whole new level. One of those pups is Finley, a golden retriever from Canandaigua, NY. Clearly, Finley is not an ordinary dog. As it turns out, the 6-year-old pup has a secret talent — he can put half a dozen tennis balls in his mouth at once. Apparently, no other in the has done that yet, meaning that Finley broke a world record for most balls in the mouth by a dog. More info: Instagram Meet Finley, a golden retriever with a tennis ball obsession Image credits: finnyboymolloy Ever since he was just a little pup, Finley loved tennis balls. His obsession only seemed to grow as he got older. Soon, he learned to cram as many balls as he could into his adorable cheeks. Slowly, he taught himself to pick up not one or two tennis balls, but up to 6 at once. Proud owners, Cheri and Rob Molloy, have made sure to document his achievement. However, the record is yet to be made official by the Guinness World Records. Finley went viral for stuffing 6 balls into his mouth at once The current world record is held by another golden retriever named Augie who won the title after stuffing 5 balls into his mouth in 2003. Finley was welcomed to the Molloy’s family when he was just a 10-week-old puppy after Cheri and Rob’s daughter brought him home. The family noticed their pet’s talent when he was about 2-years-old. Back then, the tennis ball-loving dog could easily fit 4 of them into his mouth. While Finley awaits the official credit for his ability, he entertains his 31,500 Instagram followers who praise him for his talent. Hopefully, he soon receives the recognition he deserves! View this post on Instagram A post shared by Finley Molloy (@finnyboymolloy) on Sep 20, 2019 at 9:50am PDT #memes #meme #momos #goldenretriever #momos #fun #funny #dogs #dog #cheezburguer #lol #LMAO #cat #LMFAO https://www.instagram.com/p/B8e0nvpHHZN/?igshid=sraon3iksl6z

#memes #meme #momos #goldenretriever #fun #funny #dogs #dog #cheezburguer #lol #lmao #cat #lmfao

0 notes

survivor-themyscira-blog · 6 years

Text

TRIBES SWAPPED AT THIS POINT.

charlotte make this fucking post already before i combust

YES THIS IS SO PERFECT!!! I WAS SO FUCKED ON THIS TRIBE! NOW I GET A SECOND CHANCE TO NOT BE A FLOP LETS GO LADIES! GOD BLESS

LMFAO LMFAO ME JORDAN AND LILY ARE SAME TRIBE ITS OVER ALREADY WE GOT THIS

I AM WITH LOGAN NUT NUT NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I'm away from Madeline and Joradn and Toph and :( I'm worried! But I chose Kai so that's fun hopefully he'll stick with me fjndsfjsdak I'm gonna try to bond with Madison oh my this is a mess

A 3-3 split on this tribe, I need to find an idol just in case, I'm not willing to go to rocks for Toph and I'm sure he is not for me. Lets see how this goes, Madeline exposing me as her friend already. Lets just win my Hippos, I don't want to go to tribal.

Jaiden.... on my tribe again.... I like him but.... BUT... BUT he talks too much he's going to ruin my game GRRR. Hi Jaiden I love you but you WORRY ME

Ugh I'm like REALLY emo I was separated from Jordan and Madeline what the FUCK we got the best scores WE DIDN'T EARN THISjdjasfklas i miss them rip. and now like everyone on my tribe is.... asleep. They're like ALL europeans. GET UP U FUCKS I NEED TO TALK TO U Also I'm going to make an alliance with one representative from each country and call it the United Nations... I'm just working on it okay it's going to happen

WAIT FUCK IM AWAY FROM RHONE TOO WTF... I didn't think this through last night but honestly my second choice was Logan for the thing (first choice because I wanted him over Kai but I was scared of Madeline and Jordan) so like this wouldn't be very different but ugh. Toph, Rhone, Jordan, Madeline, and Ruthie (I forgot to talk about Ruthie I love her) are gone and I'm EMO AS HECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NICHOLAS IS PLAYING THIS GAME? I knew this but forgot, I remember he as INACTIVE and got a strike during the selfie round, eventually I hope I can get on his tribe I know he would tell me if he heard my name.

Um another thing. I'm so happy to be on a yellow tribe. I love yellow it's the color of positivity and sunshine and that's me

WOW THIS FUCKING TRIBE SWAP! WHAT THE HELLFUCK! THIS IS SO GOOD! Okay, so. Accordan to Jordan, Rhone wants to work alongside me JP and Nicholas, which I would be fine with. We're also excited for/planning to work with Jack as the trio of Jordan and his students, so... This is probably the most secure I've been all game. I was good on the Hippo tribe, but now I know for sure that I'm alright. But there's one other thing that excites me here, and that's our challenge potential. Sure, that's a general good thing, but it's super cool in my case for one specific reason. I've never been to a premerge Athena tribal. Watch my streak continue.

Time to work my charm on this tribe HOPEFULLY I can find someone trustworthy to work closely with! I've played a game with Ian before and I mean, I thought he didn't like me after but we've talked since then a little and I'm excited that we have another chance to play and maybe start over, he may be the number one to tell all my tea to that I'm looking for!

On 10/16/17, at 10:46 PM, Emily wrote: > hi!! On 10/16/17, at 10:48 PM, Madison 🐷🐷🐷 wrote: > hi! On 10/16/17, at 10:48 PM, Emily wrote: > how are u!! It's currently 11:38pm. Good talk, Madison ;)

Hello my mates! 18 Castaways are left. So, the Swap happened and I am okay with my tribe so far. I get along well with Emily, but I'm a bit concerned that she picked Kai to stay on her team. I'm cautious around him. I'm back with Amanda and I don't really trust her anymore lol, but for now it's best to stick together, especially after what she's been through in the vote. But for now, I still want to talk a bit with Madison and Logan. I feel like I'm not the first target at the moment with a clear group of 2 in play and the old target on Amanda's back. I don't have that much to talk about yet, but I'm keen to get a bit more social now - last week was very heavy on the irl side. But I'm happy to be on a tribe that's so european. :D Cya soon~

Ahh this tribe is pretty lit. I feel really safe within it. I have logan, Emily, Andreas and Amanda ahh this amazing Time to win a game

https://youtu.be/TKydLkGHuNc

I miss having people be awake and I’m awake and having an active tribe wtf happened I hate

I really need these Europeans to wake the fuck up why was I put on a tribe with ALL OF THE EUROPEANS WHAT IS THIS FDMJKLSAJLK I just want their input on the song ideas and they're absent because they're sleeping and I get that but also FUCK THAT WTF I just want to get started with this challenge I'm excited and energized and avoiding doing my homework

I just love Logan

So I'm definitely happy with this new tribe. Lily, Jordan and Nicholas are all people I wanted to work with on Hippolyta so for them to all be here means that we can lose a challenge and probably be okay! I'm completely indifferent towards Jack and Raymond honestly. I'm so bad at connecting w people sometimes especially men, idk why. I'm just slow to warm up to people I guess. I HATE music video challenges because I'm really busy IRL and don't have time for this shit quite frankly. Idek what I'm gonna contribute to this challenge yet so I guess I'll just have to see what I'm able to do tonight.

OKAY NEW TRIBE WOOOOO! Rankdown! Emily - THE SWEETEST SWEET BEAN. Obviously I want to work with her going forward. She'll be my new like f6. She'll beat me past that, comp queen. Kai - My literal son? I love him. He's a good one, and I wanna see if I can make this hoe my goat. I'm not going to be a goat this game, but I'll see if I can be a goat farmer :~) Madison - My inactive queen. I can EASILY make her my goat. I know she _can_ get far in games, and I'd like to take her there again. Hopefully I can make her loyal and keep her out of the crosshairs by feeding her limited information. If she thinks I'm gonna just tell her shit, I can hold onto that relationship for a long ass time. Andreas and Amanda - Both of them talk to me about the same, and these are my first targets to go. While they're both sweet, I don't think they'll end up being much help to the tribe, aside from Andreas winning reward for us. Amanda didn't even guess, not that I'm shocked. I told people this would happen. They didn't believe me. I'm never fucking wrong.

ok so im hella bored at school 1. i am super stoked about the new tribes still! this is GREAT! i have been put into that hippo alliance which makes me think that i am in a p good position bc they see me as a semi-inactive goat type but they also need my vote to keep majority for now so im gonna keep on doing me ~ 2. the reward disadvantage thingy is probably good. it lets us most likely go to tribal and vote someone out which usually isn't a good thing but now i can use my vote as currency to prove loyalty! 3. this challenge? is perfect for my game right now because it lets me participate for once and prove i am an asset to the tribe for now! people are usually reluctant to submit for lip syncs but idc what people think about me so u know my dramatic ass will submit! ok thats it for now yeehaw

I’m on mobile so I can’t quote rn but Logan: Can we just make a pact now Logan: we’re not letting Jordan pines get anywhere near the end of this fucking game Listen, I know he’s right, but... UGH I NEED TO LISTEN TO LOGAN WHO I KNOW WILL BE A BETTER ALLY TO ME jwnjwwnjwnwjwn maybe Jordan will go out pre merge so I don’t have to show anyone my cards regarding him lmao but who can never be sure????

Was awesome to not be given the disadvantage, I'm not sure what all went in their decision as to who to give it to but glad it wasn't us. This challenge is the most dreaded aspect of these games for me. I'd rather have winterbells two rounds in a row than a music video

I feel like this is a school group project that I do my portion for but then I don’t get the portions from any one else until an hour before class. I’m gonna cry tbh Europeans please it’s like 3-4 your time WHERE IS UR SHIT and like literally this song is only three minutes long the least you can do is record yourself lip syncing to the song and upload it to YouTube and send me the link I’m SCREAMING

Okay Amanda is at the emergency room that’s um a very valid excuse but WHERE THE FUCCCCC ARE KAI AND MADISON?? Andreas and Logan told me they were filming later today but @Madison @Kai HENLO U STINKY TRIBE MEMBERS WHERE R U

Omg SO I just got out of my American History class and we have been talking about WWII so my teacher is talking about double agents and this guy called Garbo and I’m literally sitting in class thinking ... this is a genius strategy to use in Survivor I’m crying!!! So like basically I’m going to be Garbo, posing as a German and feeding the Germans accurate information up until D-Day where I fuck everything up for the Germans and get right with the British. D-Day meaning ... the day we take out Germany's closest ally. Germany meaning literally any person I want to screw over and British being ... probably Logan and whomever Logan and I want to work with. See like this would work out better if things were actually happening in the game wkwjwjnsja ... I don’t think much is happening on my tribe (at least I hope not) like I haven’t been put into any alliances so that’s :-/ there’s probably an alliance I don’t know about and they’re plotting against me and I won’t even be able to use my cute Garbo strategy. Also like this is an old and flawed strategy I’m sure but IM JUST TRYING TO BE GARBO OKAY he’s an icon and tbh a very big reason why the Axis Powers lost WWII so we all need to appreciate Garbo. Also if this dude’s name isn’t Garbo then my history teacher told me wrong and I’m just looking really silly but my history teacher is a woke bitch so I trust him. Thank you Garbo for doing the good shit and also inspiring me for this game lol

Anyone want to learn more about Agent Garbo? Um here are articles: http://www.npr.org/2012/07/07/156189716/agent-garbo-the-spy-who-lied-about-d-day https://www.mi5.gov.uk/agent-garbo HISTORY IS IMPORTANT!!!

On 10/19/17, at 3:30 PM, Emily wrote: > hey!! are u able to record videos for the music video challenge? if u can’t it’s no big deal I was just wondering On 10/19/17, at 3:30 PM, Kai . wrote: > Unfortunately not... i did mention it in the tribe chat already xD > Sowwy hun On 10/19/17, at 3:31 PM, Emily wrote: > it’s all good!! OH BITCH I DID NOT NEED THAT FUCKIN ATTITUDE this is me hinting to Kai that he should ... send in a video lmao. I get that like he doesn't have much time but three minutes P L E A S E it's going to be so weird if our video has three people in it! I'm getting Madison to send in a lip sync too (possibly) so that makes me not frustrated with her but like ....... Kai with this attitude "I did mention it in the tribe chat already xD" SHUT THE FUCK UP use REAL FUCKING EMOJIS and then he calls me "HUN" BITCHD FJKDSJFKAS I love over reaction but anyways our video is going to be weird because like Logan, Andreas, and I are the only ones who have submitted stuff!!!!!! UGLY!!!!!

I actually had a lot of fun filming for the challenge! Wish I could've gotten that bass line down a little better...smh I'm really surprised about Jordan. He's like a Sour Patch Kid -- first they're sour, then they're sweet. I just hosted him in Island of Shade and it's funny how I went from literally having his bitch ass blocked after House of Shade 9 to now where we're allies and kind of...friends? He's really matured in the couple of years we've known each other and it's actually really sweet to see. I do feel like he's a great ally for me because he's stronger than me in competitions and I crush him in any endgame scenario presuming I don't totally bungle my social game at the merge (and there's a non-zero chance of that happening tbqh). He's a genuinely good person even if he is kind of irritating at times. I'm like six years older than him so of course I'm gonna find him irritating lmao. Can't really say much about anyone else on this new tribe. Just not getting a great vibe from Raymond, Jack hasn't really tried to talk to me, and I trust Lily and Nicholas but they're both pretty inactive. I feel like Jordan and I are kind of the heart of this tribe right now, which hopefully means if we do lose this challenge we'll be safe. I just really hope someone I wanted to work with in this game doesn't get swapfucked tomorrow! :(

Here is the first draft that I’m submitting a confession to prove that ... only half of our tribe has submitted and we have five hours unrbabsjwbwjwb https://youtu.be/idbuRp73rig I’m literally,,,, CRYING what the HECK where is EVERYONE PLEASE HELP ME why can’t kai submit like wtf. Logan also told me not to expect much out of Madison so WOOHOO!!! I LOVE LOSING IMMUNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HONESTLY the main thing I've learned from all this is not to listen to what anyone has told me about other people.

Logan

YASSSS MY FIRST IMMUNITY WIN! I DON'T HAVE TO PLAN A TRIBAL COUNCIL! OR NOTHING! I'M SO HAPPY! Prayers for my boy Raymond but yAS!

This is amazing. I was worried that if we lost and i didnt actuallt participate thered be a higher chance of me being voted out but i still feel super safe and in a good position with everyone!

Yay I’m glad we won! I am excited to watch all these!

The Men Lips came out with that WIN HONEY! I’m so happy! How did we do that I’m really shook. I have such low confidence in myself I really did not expect out tribe to win wowie snabajbanan now I get a day off! How fun! I’m sick rn so like that’s good all I want to do is watch Buzzfeed Unsolved and wait for this announcement that Charlotte/LA/JD were talking about earlier.... hmm. If we’re tribe swapping AGAIN I’ll cry sksbsjsnsjs but honestly? Not so bad. I don’t really like my tribe too much but of course I love Logan lol. And Andreas is cool. Anyway YAY WE WON

“i liked the knives and the cat. i also liked the girl waving around the knives. that was the highlight for me.” I WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FOR HER SJJSNSNSNS IM HONORED

Also fun fact: my dad yelled at me for using his expensive professional binoculars because I didn’t put them in their case correctly when I like put them up lol. But it was worth it honey we won-y

Hello again! There's a rainbow outside my window right now. https://i.imgur.com/1KZpEFA.jpg BECAUSE WE JUST WON IMMUNITY! I really didn't expect that since I didn't give it my best, but oh well... I am not complaining. :) Emily did most of the work, props to her. Logan contributed as much as I did. Amanda, Kai and Madison are MIA - even in chat for the most part. But that won't matter too much right now. Also yay, it was fun winning the Reward Challenge by punishing that cheeky A1 placement. CHECKMATE ANTELOPES! There were no Antelopes in Ancient Greece. And soon there won't be any in Themyscira. I am already a bit scared about the next Challenge, but for now, I'll have a relaxed evening. Also, if Madison doesn't start doing much soon, we'll have an easy target SHOULD we go to Tribal Council in the near future. See ya again in Round 4 :)

okay so going into tribal tonight i feel good! i have my og hippo alliance of 4 and then i have good enough bonds with raymond and jack to where i dont think that they would come for me if given the chance. the logical thing to do is to vote out someone who didn't contribute on the challenge, but i know that isn't going to happen because if the og hippo alliance falls apart then that leaves a lot of room for uncertainty. however i do know if we go to tribal more than 1 more time after this i will be the next one to leave the game because i am the lowest on the totem pole for the og hippo alliance. it sucks and i don't want to do it but i think i have no choice but to vote with the hippos damnit

( AS MADELINE )

Wow Madeline is annoying huh?

Oh my god that last confessional was ME djxjsjdjf

(((((Host: bitch >.> ))))

Love Antiope turning into the new Copa... not a good run so far. I'm siding with the Hippolyta majority to vote out Raymond, and after that, me, Jordan, and Lily will become the majority if we have to vote someone out again. Or maybe I'm just gonna get voted out and then I'll just die. Who knows.

#whatidoisnotuptoyou #athena11 #episodes

1 note · View note

the7thshepard · 4 years

Text

Life update and some introspection. It is long, and it is super personal. You’ve been warned.

(Sorry to my mobile user followers, you might get lambasted with a long post anyway)

If you’re curious enough to snoop through here, sweet. It means that amidst all of my followers who like and reblog the stuff I like and reblog, you probably give a damn? Or you’re just nosy. Either way, thanks for coming. You’ll need to pull up a chair, I’d imagine. It’s gonna get long.

As of right now, I’m spending Thanksgiving day alone. I’m writing this from the dining table of my apartment in California as it rains outside. I’ve received several invites to do things with friends, but so far have accepted none of them. Part of me knows that I will be sad today because of that, but the other part of me just doesn’t have the energy or wherewithal to deal with other people today. Yet, I’m leaving myself open for any opportunity, should it present itself.

This decade has been kind of a wild ride for me. I’ve spent almost all of it in school. I began high school, graduated high school, started college, switched majors around twice, fell in love, came out, got my heart broken, graduated college, worked for seven months, then started graduate school in August. How did a Kansas boy like me end up all the way in California? It’s actually quite the story.

I had decided my second senior year of my undergrad, way back in Spring 2018, that I was just going to finish with a performance degree and just go home and work for the rest of my life. Whatever job I could find, as long as I could keep it and it could bring me stable income, I was going to go home and give up playing the horn. I been so burnt out on school and everything that had happened around me over the course of my undergrad that I had decided it just wasn’t worth it to continue pursuing. I had wrestled with this idea for the longest time and eventually settled on everyone thinking I’m a coward for getting a degree and just disappearing off of the face of the earth. It was the easiest solution.

But something quite unusual and rather miraculous happened.

October 2018, my undergrad horn teacher, one other horn player from my studio, and I all went to Wichita for the MidSouth Horn Workshop. This was nothing terribly huge - I had been to two before - but what became of it was. I ran into my current horn professor, though, at the time he was not teaching me, nor did I have any inclination that he taught private lessons. My undergrad horn prof. and I ran into him earlier in the spring during the same event in Conway, Arkansas (it was hard not to - he was one of the featured artists of the event). He and I spent about 30 minutes talking about horn playing in the exhibition hall, and I was beyond inspired at that point to continue getting better at horn (obviously something changed in the span of 6 months that changed that mentality, but I digress).

I didn’t think I would ever meet him again, if I’m being 100% honest. But we did. We had run into each other in the student union on the Wichita State University campus. He and my then-current horn teacher had struck up a conversation (I think it was something about what he was up to and if he’d like to play with ESU’s jazz band, since he was on his way through that area in the spring semester). Somehow, someway, the conversation got turned onto me.

“What do you think about grad school?” was the question.

Now, you have to understand, this shook me. My plan was to graduate, go home, and give up. I had no further intention of carrying on playing horn or doing music or any of it. Cowardice.

“Uhhhh,” I stammered. I didn’t honestly think I was cut out for grad school. Sure, I eventually wanted to get my doctorate in something, but that was kind of a pipe dream; something so exceptionally unachievable, that I was better off not thinking about it. “I hadn’t.”

Thus, initiated a 20 minute conversation about grad school and how my now-current horn professor wanted to hear me play and, better yet, attend his school. I’m pretty sure I spent the next like 3 hours waffling about it.

The other horn player that was with us (let’s call him B) slapped some sense into me.

“You should do it, it sounds like an incredible opportunity.” B had said something along the lines of this.

“My main concern is money, etc. etc.” I tried to make excuses back.

“Grad school would be perfect for you. All you really have to do is focus on your playing.” My horn professor told me.

“You didn’t come this far, just to come this far.” B said.

(Slight divergence in the story, my mom just called me as I’m typing this and now I’m having to fight back tears. She sounded so concerned that I’m spending Thanksgiving alone right now. Anyway.)

That struck me hard. I didn’t learn horn just to give up after graduating college. I didn’t play horn for close to 13 years only to run away when the opportunity presented itself. I didn’t quit at any point along the way, no matter how stressful or draining, and I shouldn’t quit now. My mind was made up.

I talked to my now-current horn teacher about how I was interested in studying with him, and about his program and what was offered, etc. He wanted to hear me play but was busy that weekend, so I would need to send him some recordings of my playing. I sent him my senior recital that I played later that semester. Over the course of the next 3 to 4 months, I would graduate from college and then spend the rest of my time working while I finished up the graduate studies application to my school. I was accepted into the program, and got some assistanceship money to help out.

The next 7 months were really nothing to note, as far as this journey is concerned. I worked part time at a gas station, played in a terrible non-paying gig, ended up dropping one of my best friends - a story for another time, but overall, I ended up taking a massive break from my horn. My dad thought that I wasn’t practicing enough and that grad school was gonna kick my ass, but so far, that hasn’t completely happened yet.

The day finally comes. I move to California with my dad’s help. As you can imagine, it’s a whirlwind of a day. Flying 5 hours out, getting my stuff moved in, buying groceries, etc. By the end of the day, its time to say goodbye. Dad can’t stay, because he’s got a flight in the morning for some stuff he’s got going on back home. He tried to fight back his tears, as I am almost about to cry myself. The door closed and now I’m bawling. wow that was a lot of mixed tenses, no im not fixing it, and no i do not take criticism, send tweet

At this point, I felt isolated. I’m in a new place where I know no one and I’m by myself. The first person I bump into is the other horn grad student. He stops by to say hi, I apologize for my terrible playing because I haven’t been playing consistently for the past seven months and oh god I’m rambling. It goes how you expect awkward first meetings to go. The next evening, I meet the two seniors in from the horn studio and a senior clarinet player. I never felt so blind sided by questions, and they were all really chatty. Me, being the awkward human being I am stood there, giving minimal answers, and being overwhelmed by questions about literally everything. Holy shit.

I end up bumping into my now-current horn professor on Monday (let’s call him Prof. A) in the bathroom of the music building, again really fucking awkward. Prof. A told me to go to his office while they finish up the faculty meeting downstairs, and that the other grad horn was in there organizing music. Round 2 is not nearly as awkward, thank god. Around 30 minutes later, Prof. A shows back up and treats us both to Chipotle and a lengthy talk about how we have to be the “heavyweight boxers” of the studio (there was an anecdote in there that makes it all make sense, trust me). Again, holy shit.

The rest of the week goes about how you would expect. It is the week before school after all. I spend most of my time practicing. My roommate shows up. I don’t really run into anyone else in the studio for a few days. Though at the end of the week, we have a horn hang, where most of the studio is in attendance. Super awkward at first, but then it opens up. Then, school kicks off, and its all good from there.

But why am I telling you all of this? Well, first of all, kudos for sitting through my life story up to this point. Second, I think this story is key to a lot of introspection that I need to do. And third, I just need to put this all out there, get it off my chest, you know?

Since coming out to California, I have been unimaginably blessed with perhaps the best family of people I could ever want. I have a great teacher who is helping me be better at doing what I love. I’m surrounded by great, fun loving musicians who want to see others succeed and it’s been such a positive experience being out here. I literally cannot imagine what my life would be like had I not seized this opportunity.

I’ll be the first to admit that grad school so far hasn’t totally met my expectations. I thought that I would immediately get better, that I would excel, have a bunch of friends, get better at playing horn, and maybe (selfishly) find a guy. It wasn’t immediate, and looking back, I don’t think it ever could have been. Because the path I’m on takes work and courage to keep going even when the results don’t seem obvious at all. Also, let’s be 100% real, there was no way in hell I was gonna find a guy within like 2-3 weeks of being here. That’s just not realistic lmfao

Since coming here, I’ve grappled with the feelings of inadequacy and sense of not belonging that come with the territory. Initially, I thought that I was never making progress and that I was never gonna be as good as the other grad horn. I wasn’t a good enough horn player. Why was I here? What made me think that I could make it out here? Thoughts like that. They’ve only intensified as the semester went along.

But my friends have proved me wrong.

The only thing that everyone could and would expect of me is to be myself. Whatever that means, whatever that sounds or looks like. I can’t be anyone else other than me, no matter how tempting it is to compare myself to others. I just gotta follow my own path. This was and still is a hard lesson for me to learn. I don’t think I will ever totally understand it, until I can realize that I am good enough as I am now. I am making progress to get better, but I have to be comfortable with where I’m at now for it to be worth it.

The thought of running away from all of this terrifies me, but it’s a real and almost ever present thought I have. I don’t want to lose the progress I’ve made. I don’t want to turn my back on my friends. I don’t want to give up crazy socks at concerts, ice cream afterwards, playing in horn choir, horn hangs, or just the general screwing around. My horn people are my family, and I won’t turn my back on them because I’m afraid of not being good enough. They have never had reason to think less of me, so I shouldn’t. Even when I do, I’m thankful that they’re there to help me out of my emotional ruts. As long as I am here surrounded by these fantastic people, I will always be good enough and I will always belong.

I didn’t come this far just to get this far. And I will take it all the way. No matter what it takes, because the people closest to me have given me the courage to make it happen.

So, even though I may end up spending my Thanksgiving alone, I’m not alone. I never have been nor will I ever be. My friends, my family, everyone who’s cheering me on from the sidelines, watching and waiting for me to succeed, they’re all with me, no matter how far away they might be. This is what I’m thankful for.

#personal #life update #this post is really long im so sorry

0 notes