#we can move together! <3

[pushing500]

After one last trip to gather information, it's finally time to fetch our first relic and move on from Parish-by-the-Expanse!

This quest was super easy; Magic Man has wings, so even though he has the "snail's pace" trait, he could fly in and out super fast to grab the relic before he and Laursen jumped on their dirtbikes and rode home. M.M. did get a little bit bruised from a mechanoid, but I'm sure he'll be fine.

Look, I know that arming children makes them a target for raiders. Plus, being part biliog and part cat-girl, it's highly likely Dire Wolf will have an atrocious melee ability when she grows up, but the joke was right there, and I couldn't help myself.

Don't worry, though. Dire Wolf is not the only child walking around with a weapon. Pro will make the T'au Empire proud with her new masterwork pulse carbine, I'm sure of it!

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#rimworld #gracie plays #The Children of Ecthuctu #art #my art #traditional art #rimworld art #unpolished art #I'm back!! #Apologies for the delay #I am technically homeless at the moment but that won't stop me! #I love these lil' guys too much #Plus they're going to move house soon too #we can move together! <3 #Love seeing Dire Wolf with her new fancy knife #she's so cute #also very proud of Laursen and M.M. for handling that wuest so well #They're good boys <3 #Hopefully you all enjoy this little relic update! #Have a spectacular day <3 <3

[cupiidzbow]

we are cooking in the kitchen ☝🏽☝🏽

#I’m super happy how this is coming out i wanna look for stamps to add under the link to bring it together!!! #maybe I’ll do like series and games and media I like #or maybe find a cute monkey stamp I’m having fun 🥹🥹🥹 #i wanted to make a page where you can click on my four main f/os #and get more info on the particular ship. and then have secondaries just be sillly images <3 #IDK I GOTTA KEEP WORKING ON IT WE MOVE!!!! #txt

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Okay, but like

As someone who personally disliked the fandom characterization of Mangey as a child who is basically a wild animal

Which of course meant that (even though this standard was not applied to other equally feral boscage maze characters) if you even dared to have ships involving Mangey it was considered "beastiality"

Season 3 was so vindicating for me. Like as someone who always characterized him as selectively mute/largely nonverbal and with less palatable autism, it was so great to see the proof in the pudding that he is just as capable of being more than just the group dog thought like any other mobian and the hilarity of him being surprisingly adept with technology. Like god those few Sails/Mangey interactions were so so good

#Yes I believe S3 could have been better if it had more episodes but there is also still some GOLD there #Nothing like a single episode to make me committed to the possible relationship dynamic between Sails/Mangey (even though I already liked #the idea of shipping the variants together) #What's funny is that I've been considering doing a breakdown of why I think fandom unfairly characterized Mangey vs the others in the #Boscage Maze gang and why I personally characterize him the way I do #but instead I watched S3 and posted this instead😂 #Also on the point of topic I would have killed for more Tails variant interaction #When Sails and Nine saw each other at the end of season 2 the gears in my brain turned hard #And like are we not gonna mention Nine's 'there can only be one' in S3??? #Like the level of insecurity he's at where he just has to be the only one of him but also HOW HE LITERALLY MOVED TO KILL MANGEY AND SAILS #BECAUSE HE KNEW JUST HOW MUCH IT WOULD HURT SONIC #You jealous identity crisis having fox you😂💖 #sonic prime #sonic the hedgehog #mangey sonic prime #miles mangey prower #mangey the fox #sonic prime s3 #sonic prime season 3 #sonic prime s3 spoilers #sonic prime season 3 spoilers #i just be ramblin

[swordheld]

how do you think in poems? i really enjoy the tags under your posts i've always wanted to write down my own thoughts that way bc in my head they feel so thorough and magical but whenever i put it in words i feel it just gets so much flatter and i no longer see a point and give up

oh oh oh, but lovely, can't you see that you've already started? it's a perspective that you hone, over time, something that is specific to you and you alone – that's the piece of it that makes it so special! you've already begun, and it only goes forward, up, sideways from here, wherever you wish to go!

think of it like a skill, for a moment, or a kind of muscle, if you'd prefer. you have to work at it, with it, over time and differing experiences, in order to progress.

(a quick important note: not progression as in the kind of quality-check of a grading scale, but progression as in evolution. shifting change. think of the leaves and their colors across the months of autumn, or temperatures rising with the sun and cooling with the evening dark. change isn't intrinsically a qualifying thing, it can just be, sometimes. this is difficult to remember, especially in the midst of frustration, but it is worth it. you are always doing better than you think you are – harshest critic, and all that.)

which is not to say that it's a simple thing to do! compare this to the vibe of me picking up crochet recently, with my shaking hands and too-quickly dwindling adhd focus – my first attempts at making a lil headphone sprout have not been going as well as i once hoped. my stitches are either too big and sloppy bc i'm not holding the yarn tightly enough to get clean ones, or i feel frustrated due to it not looking like how i'd like it to look in my mind when i started it, or even as i begin my umpteenth attempt.

but!! i know that it won't ever look the way i want it do if i set it down and never keep trying. it'll take awhile, like everything does, even the seasons take their time, the moon and its phases; but what i do know, is that, eventually, it'll resemble something i want it to. vaguely, maybe, but it is something. it doesn't have to look exactly like the guide i'm following, or the examples i'm inspired by, because it's mine – something made by my own hands, my own time and experience with every mistake and thrilling joy along the way to learn by.

take it from me: i want to be good at things i want to be good at so badly. and that excitement makes me want to be at the skill level i need to be at in order to do so right then and there, no learning curves or building blocks allowed. which is never how it happens, unfortunately, but –

i think, gently, that we tend to overlook what a pleasure it is to learn. to see the slow progression of things, to begin and change and continue and get better. and even if it's different as we go along, in a way it's our own little kind of magic, maybe, to create and never be done if we don't want to be.

which is all to say: it's already yours. why does it have to be anything else, anything more? why can't it just be good as it is now, where it might never be again? what is there to lose by enjoying the moment of where you are?

like everything, it will grow and shift and evolve with time, maybe into something you'd hoped for, or maybe into something you don't even have the words to describe right now at all. but that's the fun of it: how even now, even then, there, across time and distance and skill, there is a common thread of things; it will always come from your heart, your experience, where you are right then and there and now.

and if you think of that like magic, well, it becomes a little like magic, doesn't it?

also, something to consider: sometimes things you feel or think can't be put into words at that moment, or even at all! something else you could try (that i certainly do) is making something else with whatever it makes you feel - whether that's another form of art, or any other kind of media. if it makes you want to go outside and take a walk or get cozy and read or play a video game? that counts too! that's still an experience, you're still feeling.

i think that counts a little more than anything else, you know?

and as a little ending fun side-note, can i share something cool? i've never thought of it that way before, as thinking in poems. in my mind it's always been a kind of perspective of personal wonder, but you're right – it's poetry, in it's own way. you gave me that – so thank you, from the heart of me. i hope your journey finds you with every bright joy.

#rainsdowninkerala #q&a. #this is truly so much longer than i had originally thought it would be so i do hope it's less rambly and more help-y? #the art of creation goes hand in hand with the exploration and discovery of feeling and it is sooooo important n fascinating to me. #truly tho this can all be boiled down into a kind of: keep going? keep going. you can only get better. #i didn't want the post itself to get even longer & winded BUT if you want a lil fun vibe? watch meet the robinsons. it's a lil silly; but - #truly nothing changed my creative experiences more than hearing ' keep moving forward ' paired with joy at the result of failure. #how it is that you never learn if you don't fail; you have to keep trying; keep going at it; and if we only ever succeeded – #there would never be that? that checkpoint of progression? it changed that frustrating moment into a kind of art; for me. #how each time i fail and feel that sadness or anger it reframes it into oh. i'm learning. i'm doing something new and i'm learning. #isn't that amazing? spectacular? that i can do this? that it's me / you / us together? #i think ab that a lot in terms of inspiring my mindset. i hope it helps you too. wishing u all my best !!!! <3

[substitious-bastard]

to all my fellow sex repulsed asexuals who have had to put up with a friend making a joke about wanting to fuck them, you are hoziers strongest soldiers, i salute you o7

#a few weeks back one of my friends said #'i don't think your actually asexual i think you just can't be bothered having srx' #just casually implied i'm only asexual cos i'm lazy #and i just had to sit there and take it #god it's just so gross #(it's fine btw he's cool and it was only in passing but like- wtf man) #the bastards bullshit #asexual #sex repulsed #dw i love you sex repulsed asexuals <3 #we can all move into a mansion together and be a weird socially unacceptable polycule <3 #asexual positivity

[novadorks]

finally finished orv after two years . . . what do i do with my life now

#started in junior year hs dropped it for a while then started reading again at the start of this semester and now im finally done ! #dont know whether to cheer or just crumple up and start crying bc wow that was a ride #i thought the ending was tragic but then i moved on to the epilogue and oh my godd #the way kdj was crying and miserable bc he missed his companions and he wanted to be with them so Badly #but when kimcom finally Finally chase him down and come back to him theyre too late and hes already disspitated into other world lines #and after that like. whenever kdj pulls some shit and dies the next chapter always starts with an ‘i’ #and hes back and alive and kicking and Thinking but after that epilogue chapter there isnt a chapter in his pov theres no more ‘i’s and. #it just made me incredibly sad bc we dont get to see his pov ever again bc hes truly gone unless we as a reader can imagine him alive again #anyways sad things aside it is Incredibly funny that lee hyunsung just became a wanted man in the 1865th round lmaoo #+ uriel sun wukong and black flame dragon forming a band together ??? truly the most randomest thing in the epilogue #++ yoohankim need to stop beating the shit out of e/o and learn to talk their feelings out Please #+++ sooyoung’s love for dokja has me miserable o-|-< she would wait for him an eternity write for him an eternity im so sad #three times she endlessly wrote a novel for him to read three times she waited to see him for so long <//3 #you bet im imagining the happiest conclusion i can for them #they WILL live happily ever after in that big house together as long as i have something to say about it! #orv

[capybaraonabicycle]

You know something I am really sad about is how the TARDIS interior changed for tenteen. It would have been a whole different story if the clothes had been normal but like this? Everthing the Doctor was just vanished and got replaced. The screwdriver coming out of nothing? The outfit? A new fancy TARDIS?

10 kept the TARDIS from 9 and 12 from 11. 13 had to fight to get her TARDIS back and built herself a new screwdriver in the meantime. 11 had to let her recalibrate until she was usable again and gave him a new screwdriver (? I think ? Don't quite remember where he got the sonic) All of them CHOSE their new outfit and had a whole thing where they searched for it.

And tenteen just gets all those things like this, appearing in his lap. Which is convenient, sure, but I feel like he really lost the identification process on the way. Maybe not as important for him as he knows the body and mind and companion already (in theory) but like, I am not surprised he is going through it like this. He just wanted to hang on to Yaz, wasn't allowed that, lost her, decided she was gonna be excited for change, didn't really get change either and then everything they could hold onto as part of their last identity, everything that was theirs to let go off, just got ripped out of his hands replaced with a weird mixture of 'look how new and nice and shiny' and 'isn't that lovely reminiscent of 4 bodies ago'. No wonder they are running on their gingiva*, I would be so lost and disoriented in his place.

And then obviously from a meta pov I dislike that 15 is apparently copying tenteen's TARDIS now. We got a scene of tenteen exploring the new TARDIS and being excited but for 15 he has already had 1.5 adventures with her. And while we couldn't put tenteen into the old clothes it was okay to put 15 in underwear? Wouldn't it have made much more sense to have the weird clothes' thing happen with the mitosis regeneration? (like, I wouldn't have liked that either but it is a little weird how tenteen got a full suit and 15 got the bare minimum)

And I hate how it feels like every part that made the Doctor 13 got erased as quickly as possible. Luckily, there were a few references at least - if no one got me I know the psychic paper got me <3 - and I GET why the fam didn't show up in the puppet show but like, couldn't you have left tenteen the TARDIS interior at least? I am sure Donna would have liked the crystal columns <3

It feels very rtd to have tenteen showered with gifts he can't even want and that are way too much while others are erased or overshadowed by him and get the leftovers.

On a similar note, I was also direly missing post-regeneration haze for both of them. Who knows (well people who have watched the Christmas special, I guess), maybe that's yet to come for 15? But like how are they supposed to function without running about without a clue and passing out every 5s for a day or two?

*German expression, means to be on one's last legs

#anti rtd #<- it isn't only anti rtd because there is a certain tragic to treating the Doctor this way that I can get on board with #and like there wasn't that much time for his arc anyway as he only lived for 2.5 eps #but I still wish the Doctor could have kept something and then moved on on his own accord #like an earring you know? pluck it out of his ear and put it in a pocket for safekeeping #you remember how 13 lost the wedding ring regenerating and that was framed as something to mourn? I bet they never even realised #at least not until much later when they had no clue where it had disappeared to it just got taken from them when they weren't looking #tenteen's whole self is like that ring just that it isn't getting framed that way and hence we don't get to grief and experience the tragic #as what it is #again no time in 3 eps for this sure #but idk it's very tragic to take away from 13 and 15 to give to tenteen in a way that takes aways from tenteen in the end #(maybe rtd was forced to change TARDIS and sonic who knows not gonna yell at him for it but it remains sad and unfortunate) #from the meta pov I am at least glad the TARDIS (and potentially sonic) will come to be 15's that tenteen borrowed since we will see them #together for longer #dw spoilers

[rawliverandgoronspice]

hmmm getting hit by another little "being heartbroken about tp ganondorf" moment :)

#ganondorf #tp #twilight princess #thoughts #he's just........... like........... #and him and fucking ZANT together what a toxic shitshow you guys #extremely repressed psychosis + terminal stage of burnout sure is the combo of all times #both fueled by revenge resentment bitterness and hatred in their own special way <3 #I'd eat fanfic that dissect these two being codependant and horrible and untreated open wounds prancing around in hyrule #making it everyone else's problem :) #ganondorf being the most callous god-complexed heartless bitch that will destroy everyone and then himself if you breathe at him wrong #because if he stops to move and reflect on everything he will literally implode probably #and zant really really reaaaaally having it under control and never ever once threatening to fucking lose it terminally <3 #holding on to the.... “god” he found for his sense of worth and power and stability (mega lol your man is in shambles zant sorry) going lik #“can we keep the weird angry god from the light world I picked up from the sidewalk midna? no?? okay :D *coups the twilight realm* ” #I used to not get this relationship conceptually or why people shipped it. I get it now. #awful awful time for everybody involved 10/10 #not even getting into the Mega Divorce because wow #but seriously it's genuinely sad that two men who were *severely* wronged by fate and gods ended up being each other's undoing #because they were too.... toxic and fucked up to be anything but toxic and fucked up about it #queer infighting :( #girls hurting girls :( #SORRY about the novel in the tags I am unbearably like this everytime :((((

[keeps-ache]

porch time porch time woowoo !! :D

#just me hi #this is nice hvhs :3 #sometimes i forget cuz we've always lived so close together but i MISS my alone-lone time hbshf #alone-lone time is like zero people zero people noises. alone time is like. i can still hear you lol #and i don't like putting on shoes all the time. very hassley i'm giving that a four pfk :) #we moved from the city and augh. aaaoighdhsuaha hbsh #i'm actually really surprised i didn't go insane during the two year transition here because Oh Boy #though you know what i think i did pay in others ways i haven't thought of yet so hehe :> puzzle for later! #ik the first year sucked absolute gravel like Yikes hdhsb #/but Anyway ouhhhhh porch time !! :D #n i can listen to my music out here too.. very cool.. :D #plus the nature and such things lol #there are these cats that keep trying to get at our cats food so i'm low-key looking out for them #//oh and i need to get a trim #or maybe i'll let it grow out again to do somethin fun with it!! that'd be cool but idk if i wanna do long again fish #it was. not so fun lol #the last straw was that i kept trapping it under my elbows when i tried to get up. treacherous hfbsh #//but ye gonna go back to drawing :33 #i like drawing centaurs lol :DD

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[todayisafridaynight]

That fuckin new bucket list trailer for 8?????????

hey what if we all just cut ourselves in half after this huh

#snap chats #OH MY GOD WIFE DATE REAL ???? #'the first time i pay my respects' and it just so happens yall show up together...... just tell me theyre married already.. #sorry guys im delulu about the marital status of date and kiryu like.... wife... #bUT MORE IMPORTANTLY SURVIVE REUNION SCENE REAAAAAL WHAT IF WE ALL KILLED OURSELVES #i love how akiyama. #its genuinely so funny how this whole time everyone @ akiyama like 'kiryus dead you have to move on' #and he Rightfully So is just Nuh Uh <3 like can someone tell my guy he was right #I Repeat absolutely no one who knows kiryu ever believed he was really dead cmon now.. #OK BUT WAIT SPEAKING OF BEING DELULU POCKET CIRCUIT FIGHTER PLOT SIGNIFICANCE REAL ? MAYBE ? #idc im just glad..... photo....... i also think kiryu and PCF are married btw #lovers in another timeline... if fate didnt pull them apart theyd be forever <- if kiryu committed to stop being apart of the yakuza #LET ME SEE GRANDPA PCF NEOW #sorry this was the cutest trailer. and by Cutest Trailer im going to fucking throw up WAHHH #i cant ignore the fact i had to listen to goofy's eng va deliver the fuckin uhhhhh what the word NARRATION. YEAH. #there's a kingdom hearts joke here so imagine i made it but anyway. thank you for drawing this to my attention #im going to go eat shit and die

[ervona]

hey. source? I hate Morrowind fanon. you know there's a few different sources that deliberately clash and some painted a very different picture

#misogyny win <3 #first thing i see when i check the tags in the morning. come on. we can move past this. together

[foxhole-pipe-dream]

plus he was andrews boss too:/ I hate when fics don’t address this and make him friends with andrew and stuff🤢 I strongly believe that someone (probably neil or aaron) would one day point it out to andrew and finally make him see that it was wrong and gross

EVEN WORSE. Roland's age was never mentioned so I just assumed he started working when he was super young, similar to how Andrew got a job at Eden's when he was a minor, washing dishes. Apparently, you have to be 18(?) in SC to be a bartender, so I was living in bliss until this moment. For general ref, Andrew was 17 and Roland was 22-23 when they started hooking up. And knowing everything Andrew has gone through.... Disrespecting Andrew's no-touching boundaries was bad enough, I want that man dead!!! I once read a fix it fanfic where Neil beat the shit out of the monsters after he was drugged and woke up in the Columbia house just because that scene pissed the writer off so much and the monsters deserved worse, and I understand them! 

I think Neil should canonly eliminate Roland actually!

#ask #i'm so glad andrew and neil eventually move away from sc and live happily together #roland you can die #not to mention the fact he'd also help andrew drug random people he brought to edens #like andrew was already wrong for that but ROLAND THATS STRIKE 3 #we need a fic where neil shoots him sorry

[tyrianlynch]

I’ve been improving a lot mentally lately and today my wife (best friend who I’ve lived with for 7 years) told me she’s divorcing me (moving to a city we both swore we’d never live in) and she’s taking the kids (our dog) and this is just further proof that god will never allow me to be happy or hopeful

#i know I sound dramatic but it feels like a divorce #my entire life revolves around her #she’s my soulmate and I’ve known her for a million lifetimes #I spend all day anticipating her coming home from work so we can spend time together #I schedule nothing on the weekends because weekends are for being with her #she’s come to every family gathering I’ve gone to for at least the last five years #she’s my entire fucking life and she’s leaving me #I’m gonna have to leave our apartment that we’ve been in for 3 years #I don’t even know how to make other friends because we’ve never needed anyone besides each other #and maybe we’re codependent and rely on each other too much but it’s never bothered us #and I always swore I’d follow her anywhere but she knows I can’t go where she’s going this time #I’m still so sick that I need my family nearby to help me so I can’t leave them #and my doctors are all here and I’ve spent years finding doctors I actually like #and I HATE where she’s moving #we lived there together for a summer and it was awful and she swore that we’d never go back there #and when she told me she’s leaving she didn’t bother asking me to come bc she knows I can’t #and I’m so fucking mad at her #I don’t know who I am without her and I feel like chunks of me are being carved out of my chest

[wipeawaythosetearsofbloodagain]

Another day of going to work so that me and my love can move out together <3

#soon I’ll be working 5 days a week and after I’m done with school I’ll pick up even more hours #never been more motivated to work so I can make our dreams come true #I’d do anything to make him happy <3 #even if it means sacrificing our time together now I know we’re working towards our futures together!! #the harder I work the faster we can move out!!! i can’t wait!! #i love you my sweet boyfriend

[slippery-minghus]

hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.

and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.

i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.

where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).

but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?

#well. i AM probably a monster for how much i dislike this lady #but i don't ACT on it #and i genuinely couldn't care less about her. i participate in decent human pleasantries because i am a decent human. #and at work we're stuck together #the thing that's irked me so much about this conversation is just.. her self centeredness #that she thinks everyone is out to get her. to undermine her. whatever. #bitch nobody cares about you enough one way or the other to put in that kind of effort. i sure don't #i empathize but i do not sympathize. to feel that pit that makes you feel like the worst kind of center of attention #i get it. but genuinely you are not the main character and no one is going to spend their limited time and energy to slowly attack you #you are not the cat with all the knives pointed at it #it's a terrible feeling to feel like you are! but when it influences your behavior to the point that you are making snide comments #to people who have no option not to interact with you then uh. then you're in the wrong buddy #and the people around you (who cannot easily leave! bc work!) should not have to bend over backwards to assure you #that they're not pointing knives at you. to protect themselves from your feelings making you say mean shit #like yes. i can be more clear with my intentions. i'm generally not the greatest at that. but my baseline that i want to #modify my behavior from is NOT one that a regular well adjusted person would take as anything but kind #and if a regular well adjusted person got a little offput by me volunteering to take work off their hands we would've had a very chill #3 sentence conversation about it MONTHS AGO. #i understand and respect (even if i find it annoying and overbearing) the need for me to announce my intentions like im working in a kitchen #and saying 'hot water' or 'knife' as i move around other people but we shouldn't have reached this conclusion this way #and frankly who's to fucking say me being more clear with my intentions will only feed the flames of her thinking i'm out to get her! #'i caught up on my stuff and your plate looks full. i'm bored. anything i can do to help?' could be a pointed knife for all i know!! #and if it is- and my actions still hurt her in that scenario- am i still responsible for the hurt caused?? #like WHERE DOES IT FUCKING E N D ? #personal #*exhales* okay i feel better now #i just hate talking about my interactions with her bc i just want NOTHING to do with it. i want her out of my head!! #but until i process it i can't let go #and i'm still going to have to go over all of this with my shrink tomorrow #it just makes me mad how much of my time this bitch takes up. i'm not getting paid to think about work right now!!!!