#well I said I'd get you back

[theredontbedragons]

No daylight

"When you and I are of the same mind... there is nothing we have not yet been able to do."

Map

#no daylight #well I said I'd get you back #sirtadcooper #several iterations later and here it is #dark and gritty #turned out way more cinematic than intended #I know it's dark - but that's where the freedom is #early edits of this looked like a French film poster #and yes that is the Treasure Island map in the background #black sails edit #bs edit #black sails fandom #mine #captain flint #john silver #james flint #long john silver #black sails #treasure island

[manglam-marfach]

dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden

#chilaios #that's a lie i understand breeding kink very well lmao #HOWEVER IT MUST BE SAID #they finish up a great scene. hot lesbian sex. all going well. #and laios lies back with her eyes closed. still flushed and sweaty. she rests her naked hand on her naked lower stomach and says. 'hah.... #'did you know ...that tallmen and halflings can have kids together?' Like its just another fun monster fact. #she's trailing her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach now. tracing idle patterns. #'with our lifespans being so similar it isn't even as big a deal as it is for elves and humans. they're even fertile and that's ... #that's really rare for hybrids.' her eyes are still closed. she swallows hard. She's more red now than she was when they fucked. #'you should talk about that next time you're in me. i'd like it...' and she cracks one eye open a sliver #to see chilchuck . BEET. RED. #because Chilchuck DID NOT. KNOW. #She was already fucked out and now she's dying?? she's dying. Laios still has her huge hand resting on her huge smooth stomach #miles and miles of soft skin...that she wants chilchuck to put a BABY in #she's thought about the hypothetical lifespan and safety of the hypothetical baby! is this just a sex thing? is this a for real thing? #chilchuck does not know and does not know which one she's hoping for now!! cause both sound GREAT #AND OF COURSE THERE'S ALSO #chilchuck remembering that conversaion next time Laios's huge huge fingers are inside her. Laios's hot wet breathing by her ear. #Laios's breathing going ragged even though no one is touching HER she is the one toying with Chilchuck right now. She always does that. #between the breathing and the fingers and the warmth and the smell Laios is all around her and she just thinks - #'Laios is so huge. Laios's baby would be so huge. I'd be so huge. Pregnant with it.' And she cums. #rattles her to her fucking core. Chilchuck who HAS BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE realising. holy shit. #i want this fluffy haired socially awkward 26 year old doggirl to . to fuck a baby into me. in a sexy way. #i think . I think it's hot. #enough to turn you to drink isn't it! #u may ask - hey how come chilchuck has a girlcock and has got pregnant? can laios get chilchuck pregnant? #does anyone even have a womb in this situation? I may answer - don't worry about it #a wizard did it. whatever. its a fantasy world. #whatever is sexiest in the moment i don't care #lesbiance

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Adorned by stars | Changing States

When he hits the I-70, Jeremiah slots George Michael’s Faith into his ’98 Accord and drives with the windows down. His mother would chide him for two reasons: a) he’s wasting fuel and b) it’s begun to storm. But he likes the way the wind shears through his hair like a nail breaking drywall and he likes the way spats of rain settle on his skin like constellations because on the road, he isn’t just a hand for someone else to hold, a body to handle, a man who looks at another man and fears how much of himself he’s lost in his reflection. No. On the road he is the sky, adorned by stars of his own making, relentless in his abundance, blinking in the absence of any other light.

A little Changing States aesthetic & excerpt!

i'm so normal about him i'm so normal i'm so normal i'm so-

#i can't wait to explain more about this project when I actually get into it #like there's no plot rn but the vibes are impeccable #BUT I DO HAVE A LOGLINE: after a whirlwind romance devastatingly ends #jeremiah moves back to his hometown in maryland for support #only to receive word there’s been a death in the family the day he's set to arrive. #“WHIRLWIND ROMANCE DEVASTATINGLY ENDS” YEAHHH BYEEE #harrison fucked this man up i'm MADDDDDD #you know that scene in BB where harrison's pissed off at the congregation and turns and goes DO ANY OF YOU WANT PITCHFORKS??? #the answer rn should be yes BECAUSE WE'RE HUNTING HIM FOR SPORT (quoting That Post) anyway let me be serious #CW: death/grief talk #like i said this is a little autofiction-y in the sense that last yr my family had a maryland trip planned and right before we left #there was a death in the family (I didn't know the person well but it affected my parents/grandparents/uncles a lot) #so what was a trip to just see family was a trip to go to a funeral #anyway I was thinking about those circumstances and what that's like (like packing funeral clothes when they weren't originally in the plan #and what that funeral was like/how interesting it is that times of grief are also times where family reuintes #as I saw people who wouldn't have ever met me or last met me when I was very little #it was also joyous in ways etc while also being incredibly sad to witness the grief anyway so I was drawn to write about that #because I think about that trip a LOT (I was getting back into SV at the time) #and that was the first time I'd been in MD in a long time (just like this is the first time Jeremiah's been in MD in a long time) #for me it was 4 years so maybe I'll make it a similar timeline for him! #anyway Jeremiah means so much to me ughhhh I’m so grateful I created him #changing states

[seoafin]

it makes me so sad every time someone says they have a difficult time making friends because as someone who did not have a single friend until my senior year of high school i know the feeling painfully well

#we learn social dynamics as children in grade school but as i didn't have a single friend i didn't realize what it meant #to be able to nurture relationships and the time and effort that goes into it #it also did not help that i moved to asia for my middle school years and came back to white suburbia in hs #not to get too vulnerable here on a monday night but my mother at her most hurtful #always said i had a problem being vulnerable with others in a way that made them not want to be around me #and i do think she's right....i'm still learning what it means to be vulnerable with others #anyway this is my way of saying i'd be friends with you. and i know the feeling super well. #please don't be discouraged if you don't make friends your freshman year of college the majority of friends i've made #have been in the past year #there is no shame at all you just have to be patient which sucks ik but there is someone out there i promise promise promise #mt

[loppiopio]

i've been sitting on this post for a few days now and it's literally just, me making assumptions about kudos i've noticed on fics lately (particularly aci since i've been checking that fic every week for book club these past few months) and this'll make me seem more insane than i already come off but by this point. how much lower can i go?

just going from top to down as of today.

[ShibaLee] i know you from your art on here!! tumblr user shibaleeart i'm happy to see more people in potentially enjoying the stories this fandom has to offer :>

[reiscm] shizuchansmilk?? what are youuu doing here? i didn't know you read shizaya fic tbh and i was surprised to see you here suddenly, relatively recently too. does that mean you just started the fic then?? after at least a year of being in the fandom right? maybe this wasn't from your first time reading it (same) but at the very least it shows you visited it not too long ago… i may be delusional in thinking i could be a contributing factor there because, why now? it's not like i'm the only aci advocate out there but i've probably been the most vocal about it around this time soo… well whatever it is, hope you had fun with it! i'm so curious what drrr comedian shizuchansmilk thinks about hit fanfiction a cheap imitation 👁️

i'm also recognising some of the other names around here like [anonymooose] and [durarasaiki] even though i haven't the faintest idea who they might be. i've just been seeing them lately across different shizaya fics which probably means these are the people doing their shizaya fic dive around this time. i have nothing more to add there i just, think it's cool noticing the same names across fics like yeah, we all feasting on the shizaya tag rn.

[ya_boi_twink] it took me a second to recall where i'd recognised your name from and then it hit me. i knoooow you! tumblr user yaboitwink in my notifs… i appreciate you, and i'm glad you liked the things i made for it c:

[bun_o_ween] oh i know you're here because of mr crapo. i hope you guys had fun with it! i wanna take the chance to also admit that like. the moment i found out you were that sebastian writer i experienced the wildest sense of deja vu. because. i had seen your name on ao3 before. but when i checked your fics there was no way i'd read a fic from you?? so then i realised i must have recognised you... through other kudos on other fics??? dude. i must sound crazy, i have no way of proving this because i actually don't remember what fics these were i just vaguely remember it was either bsd or tgcf? that i was looking at fics for, trying to find something to sate my hunger at the time. and i just remember, noticing your name across like a few of these fics in a row and thinking "heh someone else has been going down the same rabbit hole" AND NOW I SEE YOU AND CRAPO OF SHIZAYA FANDOM HITTING IT OFF it was surreal. like. my awareness of you had zero to do with black butler, i could not have predicted that you would have been the random ao3 user i'd seen apparently enjoying some of the same fics i was not too long ago. wow.

there are like two separate flamingo related names around here [niceflamingo] and [flamingoo] which doesn't mean anything but for some reason they are standing out enough for me to want to mention them. i feel like i've seen ao3 user flamingoo in the kudos of some other fic before but idk.

[Luzki] omg hey!! twitter artist vi_138_ woah hiii funny seeing you here :0 especially like. not so long ago? since i'd imagined you would've been aware of the fandom for a while since you seem more invested in the alts than shizuo and izaya in particular? well it was cool seeing that you'd read this one, i hope ya had fun!

[frogsarefriends] right under that is artist hallucxnating >:O i know they've read the fic already but it was cool to actually recognise their kudo down here, especially since it's like. not recognisable just from the name alone, but you've shared links to this ao3 as your writing so now i know it's you. my impression is that you came into the fandom through slavhew since, i'd connected the dots at some point that you two were friends which. made a lot of sense since i noticed you both started being active around here at the same time lol. but hey!! welcome to the club :D

[7FlyingPancakes7] this is one of the ones i'd noticed earlier on during book club, i distinctly remember checking a chapter while walking home one night (because i do that i guess) then BAM what the hell?? i just see tumblr user mari-lair's ao3 appear down there, totally out of nowhere for me. for context this was a writer from the tpn fandom i recognise from like 4 years ago? idk it's been a while, i didn't talk to them much but they were active in the fandom at the time so i'm familiar with their name. i haven't been keeping up with them but last i'd seen they seemed to be into tbhk with no indication as far as i was aware that they'd shown any interest in shizaya. nothing wrong with that it was just unexpected, so i was just like woah!! how did you get here? i am so curious how they may have come across this fic, was it some rec from a friend? how familiar are they with shizaya? how invested were they in the story and characters? enough to go down more of shizaya's greatest hits? anyways, that was just a fun little small world moment for me.

[psych0tastic] hey isn't this…. axietoh? like, the artist who used to draw shizaya like 5 years ago? what are they doing here so high up the list? 🤔 i have no clue lol i still follow them because i really like their art style but i hadn't noticed their interest in shizaya resurfacing... i suppose they just haven't been too active on these socials in general. anyways their name stood out to me and i was like, wait….. well it's a shocker seeing their name so high up here, were they reading this fic for the first time there or were they revisiting it and happened to have not kudo'd it until then? well anyways, it's nice to see they've revisted the fic within the last two years at least :0 that's cool to me.

[MiyukiWynter] dude i was feeling crazy just now trying to figure out where i'd recognised this name from because i'd swwooooorn i'd seen it from somewhere like as someone on twitter?? i think i was mixing them up in my mind with unrelated (as far as i'm aware) twitter user miiyankhr but turns out they're someone who's fics i've seen in the tags before. i haven't read them myself but apparently they just posted a new one two days ago so that's crazy.

[Dodomka] heyyy it's dodo from twitter, hellooo 👋 they've been the biggest supporter for my deep in the sauce fic tweets and for that i appreciate them very much :3 didn't expect to see them here tbh i wasn't aware of when they'd first read the fic but as i was expanding the list a few times to write up this post i noticed their name here and just thought that was neat. shout-out to them!

[mochi010] there's a user named mochi that has shown up in my twitter notifs somewhat regularly and they have nothing on their account so i have zero clue what they might be like outside from that they've been liking my shizuo and izaya retweets. their handle isn't even mochi so i have very little reason to believe this could be them but idk, maybe? no conclusion has been made here. well i already spent time writing and cleaning up the paragraph, guess i'm leaving it in.

shout-out to [ouiouipussay] and [ramenflavorpacketsnorter420] just for having some names that stand out lol. i don't recognise you from anywhere but, i guess now i will if i ever come across those names again.

[Stupidusernamepolicy] i struggled to find you amidst all these names for the writing of this post 💀 had to ctrl+f that shit. but i remember seeing your name here while i was going through the list some days before and being like "oh hey!! it's slavhew :)" but okay there's actually a tangent i've been wanting to go on from here.

outside of aci i've actually been noticing you and hallucxnating double duo'ing under some fics together, like after the story era which i'd reread after hallu reminded me of its existence in a reply, and also sacramental which i had reread because of your reply, lol. i find this quite funny, just like. this visual representation of you two reading and recommending fics with each other. then you talk about it on twitter and more people like me are visiting this fic too. chain reaction of sharing stories :)

ALSO [anonymooose] and [durarasaiki] spotted down here in some of these kudos too!! that's craazy. wow. i tell you guys i'm recognising these names i'm not just crazy 😭

[NotElectricT] this took me a second to dig up again since it's quite buried down that list at this point but the plan i'd had in mind for this post was to end on this one since i saw them kudo it right in front of me (through the vc stream) and i didn't think this post would get as long as it did but... well i already wrote it 😬 but yeah, this is my good friend note! check out this art they made for, still one of their favourite chapters, sharks fly. it's sandwiched in between some squid game au they made for a gift exchange for me..... it's a long story i don't wanna talk about it (embarrassing......)

but what i do wanna talk about!! is how note (referred to as "patient zero" regarding aci book club by the only other patient lol) just decided to read this fic completely of their own volition?? i didn't tell them to do that and for sure didn't expect them of all people to try reading it, ever (they're not really a fic reader) but they just did that, two years ago. and that was like, insane to me at the time because it's seriously so out of their depth guys they don't do enemies to lovers.... they still don't lol. but i was insane about this fic back then with no one to really be insane about it to so i just yelled about it to these friends out of context and i guess???? that was convincing enough to get this one to start the longest fic they'd ever read 💀

i had much fun having someone experience the fic i'd been insane over..... like i'm smiling about it rn thinking about the time i did a live reading of the chainsaw man (as i like to call him) chapter which was so fun i kinda forgot i had a hamilton musical i was supposed to watch that evening... that was awkward. and other chats we exchanged regarding the fic (they were reading chapters whenever they felt like it which i enjoyed because i like pacing these things out) but for some reason (i think things just happened around the time that disrupted the momentum) they never made it past chapter 26 😔 which was tragic to me but oh well....

well i'm am even more insane about this fic now because of this convoluted chain of events that gradually built and cascaded me towards whatever the fuck i'm doing now!! god. i've never made so much, anything, like ever. until now. because both note and rosa (who has not kudo'd this fic as far as i'm aware lol) made the decision beyond my expectations to commit to, a book club. which i organised. and i've been having a lot of fun! so much fun, there's all this wild "marketing" stuff i've been churning out in record fucking time by my standards. i've never felt so creatively fulfilled dude, never finished a thing in my life until these past few months. so that's awesome, and it's in large part because of note having committed to this fic again. so that's some of the story behind that one kudo haha.

and now we're at chapter 49, we're supposed to be talking about it tomorrow, which is today by now since it's 1 am but uhhhhhhh writing is so hard. i was supposed to just be cleaning up this draft i'd written like 5 days ago? i am now very hungry. there's actually more i'd drafted up from here just from more names i recognised as i kept expanding the kudo list that day buuuut i'm fuckeeeen cutting this off right here. i need to stop. the end.

#durarara #i said a thing #if you've kudo'd aci within the past year and you think i'd recognise your name there's a good chance you're in this #this post is adhd as fuck holy shit #well #if anyone has read a single entire paragraph of it thanks :) #too much time spent writing something no one will read?? but idk someone might??? ughhhh #i will maybe go back through to hyperlink more of the artists and writers i mention here #idk #we'll see haha i'm huuuuungry i need to eat something #if you enjoyed reading any of this i'd appreciate letting me know because i did spend way too long writing it for real 😭 #but it's fine what's done is done #getting it out noooooooow #nevermind i spent another half hour formatting the images #i needsta to get diahnosed #i had the briefest mention of actual twitter user miiyankhr in between stupidusernamepolicy and notelectrict #just acknowledging that i saw their actual name in the list #but i cut it because it was literally a sentence or something and this post is already ridiculously bloated #gonna eat now bye please post don't fucking breaaaaak i will die

[bookwyrminspiration]

including proper citations where you're not "supposed" to is the funniest fucking thing in the world to me. i just sent an email to my instructor quoting and citing said instructor with a works cited section

#shitpost #it was me arguing that I shouldn't have to go to tutoring for this paper due tomorrow #it's part of the paper requirements but she said we could send an email arguing why we shouldn't have to #and MAN i hope she excuses me because #i was planning to write the whole thing this afternoon and tomorrow #and if I have to come back to campus. just to go visit tutoring for a few minor pointers #i'm going to be miffed #i asked her how many points i'd lose if I just didn't do it #and she was like...i don't know...I didn't think that far ahead...i didn't think anyone wouldn't do it since it's a requirement.... #like. love her but also. have you MET college students??? #we will skip things sometimes #anyway. she came up with a number and it's not...bad? but it's not great either #so. i'd really just rather be excused #this is what I get for writing my essays last minute. alas #i always do pretty well either way!! so

[firstroseofspring]

i didn't want to leave a wall of text on that muse post by @marxistgnome but i love it so much and this is going to be so rushed but i could go on and on and on about b'elanna and storytelling and narratives. this got really long and so under the cut it goes

it all really ties into that post i once saw about this consistency with b'elanna episodes where they reveal more about her as a person through her interior life- her thoughts and dreams and visions... what she does when she's alone. and muse really gives us this close up look at the way she sees things and what she cares about through kelis - the stories she tells him and the way she interacts with him- because he gives this good intimate portait of the world as b'elanna sees it- as she's described it to him (almost makes you wonder what she was considering there- whether she thought she should tell someone their stories because they're stuck in another quadrant and might not make it home, or if she thought she wasn't going to get off that planet and might not make it back to voyager)

and of course he's crafting a play so there's room for his own creativity but b'elanna tells him their story really well and she cares about it and you can tell. she cares a lot.

we get another really good look at this in barge of the dead like famously- and it's so consistent in that episode too because she's on the barge and she recognizes kortar from the stories her mom told her as a child and he directly acknowledges that. he says she believes in grethor and in him and she believes because her mother told her the story after she nearly drowned in the sea of gatan. remember prophecy? she's recounting the whole heroic battle with the borg to the klingon generation ship that think baby miral is their savior and the whole scene is framed like (at least it felt this way to me) that for all she says about not being familiar with klingon culture in any respect, the way she interacts with storytelling especially reveals the depth of her understanding of it- shes telling the story and she's telling it really well according to klingon custom and the first thing the visiting klingons do after she tells it is compliment that ability. and its sooo much.

when her and harry are going back and forth at the end of muse and she just goes harry have you ever inspired somebody? when he asks why she even cares so much about the ending of kelis' play. there's just like this klingon belief about living a life that's worthy of being shared with others- like when in day of honor the hologram is evaluating whether she's spent her year honorably and asks her what she's done with her life that's worth celebrating and she can't answer and he tells her that she's giving him excuses. and the direct parallel that could be drawn about how she feels about that with the janeway vision in barge of the dead where she's being condemned and the whole reason is that she's done nothing worthy of glory- 'nothing worthy of song and story.' my goodness

even when she convinces janeway to let her go back to the barge- janeway says it's not real, that she won't let her risk her life for something that she only thinks she experienced- but b'elanna tells her it doesn't even matter if she thinks it was real- that it was real to her and she cares about what her mother thinks of her and she doesn't want her to die thinking badly of her.

we see this with worf, of course the angle we're given is honor and truth and duty- but how you're remembered and talked about is important, even from generation to generation- disgrace in his family is disgrace for him. when they accuse his father of being a traitor at khitomer, it's important to him that his father be remembered as he was - truthfully, honorably, as someone to remember well (even the titles and names they give themselves being little retellings of their lives and the members of their family- on memory alpha worf isn't just worf, he's worf, son of mogh, of the human family rozhenko, mate to k'ehleyr, father to alexander, husband of jadzia, bane of the house of duras, slayer of gowron etc etc.)

((sidenote but b'elanna never in her life introduces herself as b'elanna daughter of miral always as b'elanna torres but on the barge of the dead kortar calls her miral's daughter immediately. and if she's partially from this culture where naming and titles are so important in that respect and b'elanna thinks her mother is. not what she wants to be known by not what she wants to be identified as it's soo relevant to what she calls herself. roxann dawson said that b'elanna wanted to be 'human and perfect' like her father and so she's not ' b'elanna daughter of miral' anymore because she doesn't want miral to be a part of her story, how she's remembered. so it's belanna torres.))

anyway this same- dedication to truth we get from worf and his father's memory we see even with b'elanna in 'remember' where she gets those telepathic dreams/visions from the alien woman about what really happened with that group of people they oppressed. the crew discover that the dreams are starting to affect her health- and so they offer to suppress them, take them away and b'elanna just refuses. because how else will she know what happens to them? who's going to tell their story? and she shares that story once she has it with anybody who will listen because its worth telling.

i'm going a little crazy but klingons and writing and literature and song and stories and living memory its all so. it's ridiculously important culturally. and how that translates back to b'elanna is so fascinating

#this could even extend to her time in the maquis but thats so much and i dont have a good enough grasp of the maquis to tell it #as well as i'd like to. #i could even talk about. what she says- whats revealed about her through her dialogue vs whats said about her. <-a narrative #and those posts going around lately about how softhearted she is despite whats said about her #klingons and story.... everything important getting a retelling and recorded and passed down and set to music and told in theatres #even if its exaggerated its important that its being told. worf loves klingon opera b'elanna never sings a song once in seven seasons #b'elanna 'sometimes i'm little more than hearsay a story told back to me that doesn't make any sense' torres #trek #sidenote also being disgraced / the discommendation stuff from tng #where they turn their backs to the dishonored person and shun them and refuse to talk to them ... with the whole living memory... its like #you're dead and it's not acknowledged and your life dies with you- nobody to tell your story unless as a warning

[visdiefje]

Back home and some complicated feelings about it again 😍 that said. Nothing beats my own beautiful bed

#sometimes I genuinely don't know whether I'd prefer to move back in with my parents or not #it wouldn't solve anything but I guess I could save up for a house? maybe? #but then again I can't right now because the point of being here is the learning and experiences #plus! I said I was going to try out the year. and we're only 1/4th through #which is a lot and not a lot simultaneously #back from friend trip agh. I miss the company even if being around people makes me self conscious #not my friend himself mind you but roommates I don't know as well as him. regardless. company nice #but the advantage of being at friend's places is that you can see what makes you feel at home in a place and then adjust that in your place #for example. my family never put a lot of stuff up on the walls #but I actually love rooms with a lot of framed pictures photos posters and such up. so if I do that here I'll like my space more #also!! I need to get more lamps #I love having various lamps around the place and I love not using overhead lighting #so I should invest in some home decor... for my gay little mental health #perhaps see what I can do to decorate for the winter holidays? #bien rambles #I've never been good at decorating or interior design but I can play around with it now...

[sysig]

Hm ok what's your favorite or a really cool worlbuilding thing you've done? For any fandom or original or even an unimplemented idea

Hmm well at least in the past decade, my big worldbuilding projects have mostly come down to three-ish stories: Other Side of the Gun, Adventures of Gæilo and Ethon, and Just Desserts

OSG was an Invader ZiM fancomic concept I started around 2013 to justify every single Irken headcanon I ever came up with lol - I never finished it, or even really started it, but I put a lot of time and energy into its roughs back in the day :)

^A stick figure recap of Ch. 1, inspired by - what else - the Vargas stick figure recaps lol

One that you can see over here is all the work I did for my DnD campaign, AGE! (Though its sideblog hasn't been updated in a while haha - the AGE tag over here works just as well) I basically homebrewed a pantheon and had an absolute blast designing all the gods and their forms before they became gods and even things like architectural differences in their churches and the BBEG and his motivations and just ah <3 Such a fun project :D

It also laid the groundwork for things like Pokemon Homestyle, specifically all my papercrafts! You can really see how I leveled up haha

And my latest has been Just Desserts! Even with less time under its belt, it's still pretty expansive, as evidenced by my icon and theme and the backlog lol, and it's the one I have the most AUs of! (Though OSG does come close actually haha) There are still some thorny details I'm trying to iron out, especially to do with the magic system, but all the characters and creatures and the fact that I made my own fighting minigame, ah, pleased! I've never been so happy with a sona before Charm! ♥ From the very beginning it's been so fun to work on and I still want to improve!

#Long post #There have been others of course - things like BunBonBop and TMatM and quite a handful of original species lol #I was also involved in an IZRP that got very in depth which is where Bar comes from actually! #As well as my brief stint into being a TGWDLM askblog lol soz to everyone over there ouq #And little stories like Karera no Kotogara and Yanderapy but those mostly set in cartoon-reality y'know? #No magic or sci fi there haha #Man looking back through the OSG stuff kinda makes me wanna unstore Ch. 0 - I've grown a lot since then! #To the point where it almost doesn't feel ''mine'' anymore haha - it has been almost ten years! Maybe to celebrate its anniversary :) #Also yeah if you look hard enough I've been in love with and inspired by Vargas for as long as I've known about it haha #AGE was so much fun <3 I would like to get back to it someday but picking back up after so long is hard! #I still hold all of them fondly of course ♥ Mar especially since they were the tipping point for me loving spiders :D #It's hard to believe Just Desserts is already four years deep! It still feels so new to me haha #I know I big up Charm and her design a lot lol but for me it really is exactly what I want <3 It's my perfect :) #I still really want to get into 3D modeling to make her as I originally envisioned her! #If I had the funds I'd absolutely commission someone but tbh I don't know many names on that side of art haha #I've also heard about people who give advice/brainstorming sessions for magic systems and I've been intrigued ever since :0 #I'd love to sit down with someone and hash out Exactly how their magic works! It feels like it just needs a few more pushes! #Then again that's what I said about the TVAU outfits too haha ♪ Maybe it would all fall into place! #To the base question tho: I never know how to qualify ''implemented'' - does just putting it out there as a concept count? #Writing a story? Making a comic? A series? Polished? Completed?? Where's the line haha #I'm always so full of ideas but focusing on anything long enough to make it ''pretty'' is so hard for me still #I just keep creating never stopping haha

[trashbaget]

#wrote a fucking poem #because a bitch is fucking feeling things #cue venting in the tags because this is where i'm feeling comfortable to do it right now #a while back i caught the love bug for a friend and tbFCKNh it was the very second time i'd ever actually fallen In Love with someone and.. #the first time it didn't end well. long story short: i asked him out and he turned me down but we stayed friends and it actually made us.. #grow closer regardless. a little while later i'd realized my feelings were Different and it just came out one night when we were having a.. #really deep conversation. and i'm glad i told him because it helped me get over him and we got better and things weren't weird at all. we.. #stayed really good fucking friends. now i didn't get to see him for a summer and i definitely don't have feelings for him anymore and i'm.. #sincerely happy for him and his now partner. i consider him (and always have) my best friend. (among others but he's definitely Up There.. #like no. 2 probably) but way too soon after Talking was summer and we were both farthest from everybody and are both the kind of ppl who.. #pretty much don't text anyone except like 2 ppl and we are not one of each's 2. today i got to see him and a bunch of our friends for the.. #first time since fucking april and god have i missed them all. but seeing him again kinda fucked me up a second. threw me for a massive loop #i got Weird (neg) and i was NERVOUS as HELL at the start and for a few minutes i couldn't figure out what it even WAS because i hadn't felt. #that way in a long time. and i am not about to catch those feelings for him again because No. i chilled out after like 3 minutes bc i got.. #reacclimated to being around ppl My Damn Age again and things weren't Weird (neg) anymore. we talked we joked we sincerely said our I Miss.. #Yous and we hung out. with everyone and alone for a bit because ppl had gone out and come back and it was FINE it was NORMAL () and we.. #were GOOD. we ARE good. and i don't love him in that way anymore. i love him as a friend. and that love is definitely more intense than with #other friends because we have a deeper bond and yes because i Loved him. but the fact is i don't and it's ANNOYING to react like i still do. #and getting nervous like i still do. and i kept worrying that something i'd do might make it seem like i do and i don't and just UGH having. #feelings is annoying. i've never been able to stay friends with someone after having feelings for them at all let alone INTENSE IN LOVE FEEL #INGS!! like wtf!!! and this is sincerely one of the best friendships i've ever had and i don't want to and Won't. lose him especially for.. #this but god DAMN am i not having it right now. and my head's been spinning like a fucking tornado in the 5min ride home and i accidentally. #wrote it out in a poem because the words wouldn't go anywhere when i just tried to brain dump about it because Of Course They Did. because i #can't think about this man in anyway except poetically and i can't write a poem unless it's about love in some degree and just UGH love is #and i'm gonna leave it there because i'm running risk of repeatin myself. #if you read all this i positively adore you and also you need to touch some grass bc reading the vents of internet dwellers is for suckers #i am just kidding i really do sincerely appreciate you and love you very very much thank you for caring #please ignore the following organizational tags: #writing #poetry

[sureuncertainty]

at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/

#the thing that really got me was that they were talking about their morality ocd triggering them about it #bc of the way tumblr and the internet in general has this black and white approach to things #and one of those i guess was 'transphobes = bad' which like. is not what i'm ever talking about when i say that things have more nuance #that said i DO think that the way this website prioritizing hating terfs over supporting trans people is kinda gross #but anyway this person was so anxious about it and it just was depressing bc i related to that #they were SO afraid of losing friends or being cancelled over it and i was just like damn i wonder if all terfs are that miserable #but they acted like they just had no choice but to believe this 'thing' that they constantly alluded to but never talked outright about #which i am pretty sure now is just that they're a radfem or at least believe in a lot of radfem ideologies #and honestly? i go back and forth between genuinely feeling so bad for them and being like well that's what you fucking get #i wish i'd had the courage to talk to them about it but whenever i thought about it i got immeasurable anxiety #sorry for the very long tag ramble i just haven't been able to talk about this and it's been eating ME up too for a long time #i just feel horrible. i know in the past they've mentioned too how they want people to tell them why if they unfollow/block them #but i can't. i cannot. and then i'm afraid of just feeding into their victim complex by doing this #i just can't win. and it's like. i'm trans i am literally affected by their bigotry that they're acting like is just not even a choice #ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF #LIEK IDK WHAT PLANET YOU ARE LIVING ON MY DUDE BUT I HAVE LIKE 5 TRANS COWORKERS AND EVERYONE IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM #like maybe YOU live in a bad area #but you're just a really loud minority #anyway. yeah. just. oof. #still feeling some kind of anxiety about it #win rambles

[dylawas-reblogs]

me: yeah so we haven't had a meeting about it yet, but I asked my coworkers about past interns and why they left; chances are they won't hire me full time at my internship immediately. However, the chances of having it extended are pretty good, and I like what I'm doing, and they're going to be talking about budget in July. Sure my finances are a little tight but--

my sperm donor (only slightly exaggerated): look for a new job immediately and tell them if they won't hire you full time you're leaving. and no, I don't care if you don't find something in your industry and you have to settle for a job that will make you hate being alive even more than you already do. Also I'm going to ignore how long it took you to find this internship to begin with

me:

#dylawa rambles #dylawa rants #this man gives zero fucks about actually seeing me go into what I fucking trained to do he just wants me to make him money #i am literally sick to my stomach right now thinking about job hunting again #'i want to see you successful and happy' okay why are you still charging me rent then #why are you making job hunting even more of a traumatic experience than it already is #literally said to him 'I don't trust my chances of finding a new job within two months' and his response: 'oh well go work customer service #it took me MONTHS to find just this internship and it's a miracle it's paid at all #it's in a nice office with nice people and i have my own computer and they feed me almost daily! #i'll live another six months in this hellhole if it means I get a guaranteed post-internship job like this #is it the ideal job? absolutely the hell not #the commute sucks i don't have work from home so i can't get away with doing other shit on the side #i feel limited in what the role requires of me vs what I'd like to make #but good fuck it's better than food service or retail #but nooooo he needs me to be his little rent cash cow without him feeling guilty about it #very tempted to bail even if it means I start eating through my savings a little bit #I don't know if I can go through the daily interrogations of 'did you apply? why aren't you hearing back? it's your fault' again #i have somewhere to go but I'm trying to keep it very 'last resort' territory #A) it would make my current work commute twice as long #B) it would require completely burning bridges with my old man bc I'd have to move out in secret #not just because i don't want him to know where the people who are sheltering me live #but also because if he saw that place even if he was willingly letting me move out he'd say 'absolutely not' #because I don't trust him not to do something weird. not necessarily DANGEROUS but. weird. #I want to burn all bridges someday! #but even now that I own my car it's still not the safest course of action #I'm so sick of being stuck dawg! #dylawa vents

[astro-b-o-y-d]

I think transmascs will truly have rights the day this website stops hailing Ozma as a trans woman icon and recognizes him for what he really was; a boy forced into detransitioning back into a girl because ‘it wasn’t honest for him to take the throne as a boy’ or whatever that bullshit was in the writing.

#Hayley Speaks #I saw that post on mobile a few days back and it made me mad #Yes he was changed into a boy at birth and raised as one but he was HAPPY with being one #He expressed UNHAPPINESS with being transformed back into a girl #And the one time he was like 'well if I don't like it; can I change back'; Glinda said 'No' #Listen I know there were a ton of issues within the stories themselves and with the writer himself #And I'd be a hypocrite to say 'Oh you can't just reinterpret the story how you want to make the characters trans' #(I do that with Chihiro so I get it) #But also maybe we should stop hailing characters who express discomfort with being seen as feminine as trans women icons #Especially if they express happiness with being male but are unfortunately not allowed to express themselves as male- #-due to certain circumstances in the writing/media #Sometimes.......people who don't want to be seen as girls and are uncomfortable with being seen as girls....aren't girls #Also there was some racist undertones about Tip having darker skin but then having lighter skin when he became Ozma #But that's another topic #I will acknowledge it though because what the fuck

[allaganexarch]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I GOT REALLY GOOD FEEDBACK FROM MY PROFESSOR ON MY ORAL ARGUMENT IM GONNA SCREAM

#his feedback is usually pretty understated like #'yeah that sounds right' or 'i think you did a pretty good job here' #so getting a you did SUPERB is like im gonna go climb onto the roof thanks! #i felt like i did okay but the judges led me really far off topic a few times #so when their questions were done i'd be like how the FUCK do i go back to anything in my outline LOL #and def could have said a lot more but #i'm very happy it went over well! #and now taking myself to the theater tonight will feel like an earned reward :) #personal #grad school nonsense

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

finally getting paid by centrelink on halloween..... so as a late birthday gift, I bought myself bullshit jobs by david graeber like I've been meaning to for months..... or really the last year.... to quell the utter bitterness and numbness i felt all through my cadetship last year; and also during my job searching since late march this year.

like is my job or having a job actually worth anything???? am I ever gonna find anything I'm truly passionate about and interested in, to make into a career at all??? is every single fucking job that I apply for a fucking useless soul-sucking role with no real purpose??? why did the putdown in that cadetship job that "you're just back office admin staff, aren't you???? you're useless. where is my housing worker and what use are you telling me that I can't reach them????" hurt so fucking much as if I just wasn't supposed to be there???? (besides the point that that was how my boss basically and the rest of the team really treated me anyway.... which fucking sucked).... just I fucking hate working. and this book is good so far.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona's work dilemmas #ilona's work thoughts #ilona's jobhunting thoughts and woes #also half heard back from the local metal manufacturer that i 'casually interviewed' for lasf friday #...well on seek and it's said thaf my app is unlikely to progress #and tbf i dont mind #bc when i asked 'what challenges does this team face?' #the lady interviewing was like 'well everyday is different and we make it through. if we have a tough client.... #....i'd just coach you through it to get over it and on with your tasks #and i felt a bit off with that response tbh

[lupismaris]

Spending as much time as possible this weekend with my uncle's friend Stephen like I will get an older gay mentor/friend out of this so help me god

#he's a well off new england widower and if he wasn't talking about dating someone this would be a very different post #but hes so lovely and we get along really well and hes making such an effort to connect with the bf and I #he took us for donuts this morning since we mentioned it was our fav shop and he wanted to try it and he and i had a smoke break #i mentioned were gonna be at the beach today and hes coming to join us after they get back from mass at grams house #which id like us all to take a moment and revel in the fact my uncle the priest didnt give two shits about me not joining them for mass #i said I'd rather be at the beach and he said sure absolutely heres all the supplies and the best parking spots have fun love you #the growth of that alone!!! lmao #anyway everyone cross your fingers stephen and i keep forming a friendship and i can go stay at his place in Guilford