#well i was in ny from ages 3-7

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Leor Sapir

Published: Feb 3, 2024

The 10 most popular NYT reader comments to the piece on detransitioners and the harms of "gender-affirming care" today: ⬇️⬇️⬇️ 

1. "I predict we will look back on this period with the same disgust we feel about the overprescription of amphetamines like Adderall to every 8-year-old boy who couldn't sit still for an entire day. The most damage is often done by doctors and parents who are so well-meaning that they cease to think critically." 

2. "Thank you for presenting a non-polarized view of this complex issue. Having been a 13 year old, I have a dim view of the enduring wisdom of decisions made at that age." 

3. "Thank you for publishing this. The conversation across liberal media has been too one-sided and has caused real harm for some. This is a very very complex issue. We can't ignore how lucrative this has been for the medical complex." 

4. "Isn’t being 'uncomfortable' part of being a teenager? There are transgender people, but I’m skeptical that the massive upswing in those that think they are transgender is the reality." 

5. "This is an incredibly important story - THANK YOU for bringing this conversation to light. The lack of space for thoughtful, left leaning people to debate this issue is terribly harmful. We need to be able to talk about this and ask questions without being labeled as being transphobic. The push for young people to disown their families as part and parcel of their journey towards transitioning is devastating for families but mostly for the individuals themselves in the long run. So, I say YES to open, calm, healthy conversations and lots of questions. NO to illiberal name calling from the left and the right." 

6. "Thank you, Ms. Paul, for your thoughtful column. No doubt you and the NY Times will be accused of being transphobic again. Any healthy movement and community should be able to engage in critical dialogue rather than shutting down conversations by labelling others as hateful or phobic. I have taught health care workers to give compassionate care to older transgender adults and as a wedding officiant, I have served couples where one or both identify as transgender. Yet when I have written about misogyny or concerns about women's spaces, I have been dismissed as a TERF. With kids, I have three primary areas of concern. Since the vast majority of kids seeking to transition are girls, I ask why are girls so unhappy? Do they feel so disempowered that they think they would be better off as boys? How are we failing to teach girls to love themselves? Second, the medical industry is a highly profitable one. We should question the motives from medical providers and big pharma. Third, is this movement for kids to make them heteronormative? I know lesbian and gay activists who are concerned that transitioning is the new conversion therapy. If a girl is attracted to other girls, is she encouraged to transition rather than to be a lesbian? I was always suspicious of the pink and blue flag--the gender conforming colors. I believe in equality for transgender adults and I also believe this recent phenomenon with kids should be examined more deeply." 

7. "I am a seasoned clinical psychologist. 20 years ago, if someone expressed discomfort with their gender and sought what was called medical "reassignment", standard treatment involved two years of psychotherapy with a gender dysphoria psychologist, including 6 months of living as the desired gender. Clinicians looked for evidence that the gender dysphoria was "persistent and consistent" and the person "insistent" about it, usually from early childhood. One might argue with the time frame for treatment, but it took very seriously both the patient's feelings and the life-long changes that the desired treatment would bring. Now, at least one highly respected health care organizations in my city prescribe hormones to adolescents 16+ and adults upon request. Here's a quote from their website: "In most cases your clinician will be able to prescribe hormones the same day as your first visit. No letter from a mental health provider is required." Imagine going to your MD and saying "I have diabetes and need medication" and the response was "I believe you - here's your insulin". Would anyone consider this medical care? I would consider this medical malpractice." 

8. "'To the trans activist dictum that children know their gender best, it is important to add something all parents know from experience: Children change their minds all the time.'" The fact that children change their minds all the time is one of the oldest insights of psychology. Yet the transgender movement totally leaves it out of their calculus. Both right-wing and left-wing thought are absolutely certain about way too much. Beware of both." 

9. "This is an excellent piece. I grew up in the 70s and 80s when very few people questioned their gender but there was a lot of freedom around expression - especially for women. Young people today seem to have lost that - if you don't fit the strictly feminine or masculine then you must be trans or non-binary. We need to re-expand our gender roles." 

10. "'I felt so detached from my body, and the way it was developing felt hostile to me,' Powell told me. It was classic gender dysphoria, a feeling of discomfort with your sex.' This is how a large number of kids feel when going through puberty, as their body is uncomfortable due to rapid changes. Assuming that feeling uncomfortable while going through puberty is "classic gender dysphoria" is a mistake. That may be one symptom, but it must be one of many, not the only or even primary symptom."

--

By: Leor Sapir

Published: Jan 2, 2024

Pamela Paul's piece on detransitioners and "gender-affirming care" in the New York Times today is a welcome journalistic contribution to the ongoing debate on a thorny subject.

Paul gets many things right and one thing wrong.

Thread 🧵 

Let's start with what Paul gets rights.

1. The recommendations of U.S. medical associations are out of sync with a growing number of countries and are not based on reliable evidence. These groups are not accountable for the harmful practices they are promoting. 

2. · The detransitioners featured in the piece were deemed good candidates for transition by clinicians practicing the “gender-affirming” model. As Paul notes, current evidence suggests detransition rates as high as 30%. Future rates could be higher, lower, or the same. 

3. Rapid-onset gender dysphoria is a real and documented phenomenon. Paul cited our recent peer-reviewed Letter to the Editor on ROGD demonstrating evidence for the phenomenon even in a survey trans activists cite as authoritative:

4. The narrative, favored by Democrats and some judges, that “parents should decide,” ignores mounting evidence that skeptical parents are regularly bullied by gender clinicians and others to agree to medical interventions. 

Whistleblower Jamie Reed (@JamieWhistle) decided to go public with her concerns in part because she saw this bullying take place at her clinic.

5. The “gender affirming” model itself requires this pressure on parents. The model is child-led and any decision to delay interventions for kids is deemed “conversion therapy.” Parents are given discretion, but only if they “affirm.”

6. The Democratic party is beholden to a fringe group of extreme activists and NGOs who are putting the health of children in jeopardy.

Paul: "the doctrinal rigidity of the progressive wing of the Democratic Party is disappointing, frustrating and counterproductive." 

7. Left-of-center media have for too long ignored the plight of detransitioners, what their experiences reveal about gender medicine in the U.S., and the lack of good evidence for pediatric transition. 

Here's what Paul gets wrong:

The belief that although some/most kids should not be transitioned a small number of kids are good candidates for transition, is unsupported by evidence. 

(Cont.) The evidence for the so-called conservative approach to pediatric transition is the original Dutch research, and as Paul herself notes, that research is severely methodological flawed. Nor has there been any long-term follow-up of these kids or any effort to study Dutch-approach transitions through randomized controlled trials.

(Cont.) The belief that at least some kids benefit from transition, and that careful clinicians can reliably pick these kids out from others with dysphoric symptoms, remains an untested hypothesis. For some, it is an article of faith. Even for the most conservative approach to pediatric transition, therefore, the evidence simply isn't there. 

(Cont.) I've called the failure to acknowledge this key fact the gold mean fallacy in pediatric gender medicine. "Conservatives want to ban it all, progressives want no restrictions, therefore the truth is somewhere in the middle."

No. The truth is where the evidence points.

Pamela Paul's excellent piece in the NYT today:

I forgot one last point that Paul gets right:

"Gender-affirming care" is very likely gay conversion therapy in disguise. Framing this debate as "pro-LGBT versus anti-LGBT" is absurd, given the available evidence.

--

==

The tide has turned. The era of "no debate" is over.

#Leor Sapir #Pamela Paul #detrans #detransition #gender ideology #queer theory #no debate #gender affirming care #gender affirming healthcare #gender affirmation #gender identity #pseudoscience #gender pseudoscience #genderwang #religion is a mental illness

[skippyv20]

Ban List for Sane People

Hi Skippy & Friends-Pilgrim with some thoughts after reading the dismal news headlines on this quiet August Sunday morning. All I can come up with for survival is to not support activities that are rotting the core of our countries as we the people are being hamstrung by leaders that seem to be wolves in sheep’s clothing. 1. Disney-any and all parks and products. The latest Twitter photos showing huge middle-aged men greeting small girls in front of a princess dress shop with bewildered parents is mind boggling. How can these families even walk by those huge monsters wearing ill fitted costumes, while entering the store? How can this slime ball company consider hiring these cretins because of new company policy??? 2.Ignore all Instagram influencer$$ posing in their bathrooms in all forms of undress or useless, ugly clothes, shoes and accessories that cost minor fortunes. How many more 100-million-dollar jets or mansions do the Kardashian girls need these days for being total narcissists, adoring and in love with their own newly augmented image? For sure, the ILBW will not be on my list of people to make super rich with this nonsensical system brought to you by questionable brand designers and administrators creating “fashions” which are not only ugly, but they are also worthless in the real world. At least Italy has the sense and courage to ban the last former husband of Kim as he parades his basically naked new wife in public places. I have had it with other people’s boobs & butts in my face 24/7.

 3. Shopping in designer stores where you might get shoved/hit/shot by a mob of bash & grab gangs. Our car was hit during our LAST trip to infested San Fran…we won’t set foot in that state now. If a store does attempt to stay open…how about showcasing & selling those clever knockoffs made in China-that would get those robbers really mad. Gumps, the once stately emporium since 1861, has decided to shutter it door, located steps from Union Square in San Fran…no one is safe from this illegal free for all right now.

4. Don’t invest in campus housing especially for sororities. In Laramie, Wyoming the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority lost their lawsuit to keep non-females out of their dorms! A very big guy who “feels like a female” has talked his way into living with them, drooling while watching them…WHAT??? The court said they would not define what a woman is.

 5. Don’t book a campsite at the ultra-secretive 2,700-acre Monte Rio, CA club called Bohemian Grove, which is part of the Bohemian Club, the San Fran based non-profit that runs the more than 100 exclusive camps??? Don’t let anyone you like work there…the world leaders who go there don’t pay well as it is off the books…of course it is. They are also very demanding and have huge bonfires for very creepy things.

6. Don’t buy any super expensive mediocre artwork by (you know the name) a drug addict/cheating husband, who did shifty Ukranian & Chinese deals for his father’s coffers. This middle-aged man, lawbreaker is allowed to live in the White House, travel on Air Force One and spend over $15,000 a month on rent in Malibu with his security team also billing the same rent nearby and yet they want to arrest a former President of the US for questioning voting procedures in Atlanta?

 7. Don’t take the new tour just announced in NYC!!! This late night, free walking tour of rat hotspots is getting popular?? “The rats are like the new celebs.” proclaims the owner of the Real NY Tours. Time to go weed the garden as I ponder my one single vote. Over and out from a crowded Cape Cod.

Wow!  So much happening, and the world gets crazier!!!  Thank you dear Pilgrim!  Praying for better days!❤️

[beardedmrbean]

Compulsory, graded homework will be abolished in Poland’s primary schools from April, education minister Barbara Nowacka has announced, fulfilling a pre-election election promise by her party. She hopes that in future secondary school pupils will also no longer receive homework.

Nowacka, who took office last month as part of the new government led by Donald Tusk, also reiterated earlier pledges to slim down the curriculum and focus more on “critical thinking, not learning everything by heart”, as well as to reduce the number of Catholic catechism classes and increase teachers’ pay.

The pledge to abolish homework in primary schools was included in the 100 promises announced by Tusk last September ahead of elections and was then included in the coalition agreement his Civic Coalition (KO) signed with two other groups in November, paving the way for them to form a new government.

In an interview today with news website Wirtualna Polska, Nowacka, who is from KO, confirmed that the plans are moving ahead.

“What is needed is a move away from compulsory and graded homework and from the beginning of April such a regulation will be in place,” she said, referring to primary schools, which in Poland children usually attend between the aged of 7 and 15.

Her pledge was also later repeated by Tusk, who shared a video clarifying that for grades 1 to 3 in primary school there would no longer be any homework and for older age groups only those who want to do extra work at home would be given it and it would not count towards their grades.

Nowacka said that currently primary school pupils have “an excess of things to learn, to memorise, also at home, at the expense of free time, at the expense of extra-curricular activities, at the expense of meeting friends”.

The minister also noted that often parents are expected to help with large projects given to their children that have to be completed by the next day.

Nowacka said that, in the case of high schools, which pupils attend from age 15 to 19, homework would be maintained for the time being. But she added her belief “that after a few years of no homework in primary schools, in secondary schools this too will be abolished”.

Her ideas were, however, criticised by former education minister Anna Zalewska, from the opposition Law and Justice (PiS) party. Abolishing homework would reduce teachers’ freedom to choose their methods and would fail to prepare students for the realities of the labour market, said Zalewska.

In her interview with Wirtualna Polska, Nowacka said that other work was also underway to ease the burden on students and teachers, including slimming down the core curriculum because “recent years have seen an exponential overabundance of information”.

“Twenty percent of what has been forced on children to know will be removed, because most of this knowledge is redundant and unnecessary,” Nowacka told Wirtualna Polska. “Critical thinking is needed today, not learning everything by heart.”

Initially, the reduction in the school programme will apply to subjects such as Polish, history, social studies and natural sciences, but the education minister assured that this does not mean a reduction in the number of hours. _________________________________

Submitted by @thejdog2000

This looks wonderful, "exponential overabundance of information" is a good phrase to describe where we are at currently. I don't think there's ever been a point in my life where knowing that Albany is the capital of NY was needed, but boy howdy they made sure I knew that along with all the others for some reason.

Get the kids equipped for life and if they want to learn other stuff on their own, the internet is there as is the library.

She underlined that what would be removed from the core curriculum would be decided by experts, not her. “The days of one-man decisions by the minister are over,” she said, referring to her controversial predecessor Przemyslaw Czarnek.

The burden on pupils is also supposed to be eased by reducing the number of Catholic catechism classes in schools, said Nowacka.

Last month, on the day she took office, the new minister outlined plans to halve the number of such classes, which are optional but taken by most children, from two hours to one hour a week, to ensure they always take place at the start or end of the school day, and to remove them from end-of-year grade averages.

Speaking today to Wirtualna Polska, Nowacka said that she personally is “in favour of a secular state” where religious classes do not take place in public schools.

“But after hundreds of conversations with parents, I am able to accept that it is convenient for some of them that their children can attend religion at school,” she said. “The task of a minister is not to implement all his or her views, but to take care of social dialogue.”

The minister also said in the interview that teachers would get the promised 30-33% increases, which were included in the government’s 2024 budget, from March, not February as previously planned.

She blamed the delays on the decision by President Andrzej Duda, a PiS ally, to “toy with vetoing a budget-related law” last month. But she said that once the pay rises are introduced they will be backdated to January.

Raising teachers’ pay was another of the pre-election pledges made by Tusk. Research published by the European Commission in 2022 showed that Polish teachers are among the lowest paid in the European Union, even when taking into account the cost of living.

#submission #thejdog2000 #nunyas news

[selfmythologize]

hey y’all! i’m peyton [sh/th, 21+, cst—also the mun of mouse, dabin, dylan & hyeon] and here i am with little miss people-pleaser, selena palacio. you can view her stats here, her pinterest here & read all about her under the cut! ps please hit me up on discord for plotting @ #seamonkeydefender

born february 9, 2001 in buffalo, ny, usa to a blue collar father and a stay at home mom; both originally from mexico, but they had emigrated to america a few years prior.

selena is a product of love & it shows—her parents adored her entirely; as a kid, she never had any real reason to fuss because she had everything she ever could’ve wanted (minus a sibling, LOL). her family was far from rich, but she was spoiled rotten regardless, never ever ever had to go without.

in selena’s early childhood, her father temporarily moved to seoul to assist in opening a new branch for the company he was working for. this lasted about 4 months, things were fine, great even, and then a few years down the line, he’s invited to PERMANENTLY relocate to seoul to operate as the branch’s manager. it was a huuuuuge pay raise, so 🤷‍♂️ he took the offer and the lil’ family of three moved to korea. selena was about 7 at the time.

yada yada yada... tl;dr: with her brain still being nothing but a sponge, selena picked korean up quite quickly and adjusted to the move well (her mother, on the other hand, did not; more on this later) / @ the time of their move, s. korea was still pretty homogenous so naturally the three of them had to get used to getting weird ass looks which was tough but if there's one thing selena palacio knows how to do, it's Adapt! / hatches into a social butterfly, type of gal who can make a friend anywhere she goes; also speaks for her parents from a young age as her dad is still learning korean and her mama doesn't give enough of a damn to try / smart girl, does well in school and participates in the student govt and such in high school / graduates, doesn't know what she wants to do with her life rly so she gets on her (prospective) school's website and takes the 'Find Your Major!' quiz which gives her clinical pharmacology for some reason unbeknownst to her and it's as simple as that really... / now approaching the end of her bachelor's program at skku, working full-time at a pharmacy in jongno-gu and attending evening classes while also balancing her 500 blind dates a week like... This Is The Story Of A Girl.

as it stands, she's been in s. korea for about 15/16 years; she and her parents have acquired citizenship through naturalization and will likely carry out the rest of their lives here, despite both mom and dad actually wanting to go back to mexico to be with their families again </3

other info: 100% fluent in korean and views seoul as her home, but is used to being approached as if she's a tourist or "clueless foreigner"—it gets old, but what's she gonna do? not shit. grin and bear it, really / extremely compassionate, will give anything she has (even if it's the last of what she has) to someone in need / currently on "probation" @ her pharmacy job 'cause she keeps covering the copay costs for these old ass people who come in like... they shouldn't be paying in her opinion! / girl's girl, loves women and treasures friendships with other girlies / clingy, likes to be in the company of someone else at (almost) all times / unfortunately her anti-feminism mom instilled it into her head that she has to be "pretty" before going out and beauty is what earns respect so she Will Not Be Caught Slipping, does a full face and puts on nice clothes just to go run errands / not insecure except maybe she is / craves male validation like crazy which is not very girlboss of her but she's working on it!

#jongno:hello #i'll add plot ideas tomorrow i'm tired as hell rn #btw i message from impulsetheories

[news-of-the-day]

7/24/23

The Knesset passed the first part of the controversial judicial overhaul that's caused major upheaval in Israel, which would limit the Supreme Court's power to strike down laws or appointments it considers "unreasonable." I've touched on this before, but I'll go over it again. Shortly after Netanyahu was reelected as prime minister, he announced his plan. He's had problems with the judiciary during his long tenure, so many are seeing this as squashing dissent. It's really rocking Israeli society with larger and more vehement protests ever in the country's history. For one, people see the judiciary as a counterbalance to the Knesset (being parliamentary, the executive and legislative are more intertwined), and all of this as fundamentally messing with democracy. For another, Netanyahu's coalition is very right-wing at the moment and they're worried there'll be nothing putting the brakes on his government.

Elon Musk revealed that he planned on rebranding twitter into "X," and tweets will be called "X"s.

Trump made several posts about his legal issues on his social media site, Truth Social. Normally I don't cover that, but I'm going to use it as a convenient segue to discuss those issues while I wasn't posting.

In June, Trump was arraigned for mishandling classified government documents and obstruction of justice. I'll go over the timeline once again because it's a bit crucial: In 2021, the National Archives realized that it hadn't received all the classified documents it legally is supposed to get from the Trump administration and reached out to Trump in Mar-a-Lago. In early 2022, it received several boxes but realized there were still many more missing, so that August the FBI searched Mar-a-Lago and found more. This is important because people are asking why Biden and Pence weren't charged for having classified documents (and Hilary Clinton as well for the emails), and it's because once they were discovered, those two immediately cooperated with authorities and returned everything, and it appears to be mostly accidental (although you can still be charged for that). From what I can tell, Trump is only charged for the documents the FBI found in the search. The Justice Department laid out quite a bit of evidence through texts and witness statements demonstrating Trump deliberately moving documents so his lawyers didn't realize they weren't relinquishing the full batch when the National Archives picked them up that first time. It's going to be interesting how this trial shapes up, and with federal guidelines he at maximum will get a few years. Trump wanted to delay this trial until after the 2024 election but the judge set it for this upcoming May.

Trump revealed that he was given opportunity to talk to a grand jury that was convened to look over his activities during the January 6th riot and his efforts to overturn the election. In case you've forgotten, a grand jury is just to decide whether or not the prosecutor has enough evidence to charge someone, however they're not open to the public so we don't know exactly what charges are being discussed here.

Trump also wanted to move his hush-money trial from NYS to federal court, but a federal judge ruled against that. Trump clearly does not like Manhattan DA Bragg, nor does he like NY AG James, and I’m guessing he thinks moving the case away from them would be more favorable.

Spain had an election over the weekend, but no party was able to secure a solid majority. The center-right Popular Party won the most votes, but the current Prime Minister Sanchez is from the center-left Socialist Party, so forming a coalition will be fun. It was a pretty contentious election overall, reviving issues about the economy (there's a high unemployment rate), national unity (you may recall a few years back there was a movement to make Catalonia independent), LGBT issues.

1) NYT, BBC 2) CNBC 3) US News, NYT, Washington Post, The Hill, AP 4) Politico

I apologize for being so unreliable. I’ll try to keep a steady schedule for the rest of the year, but unfortunately things keep popping up in my life. Thank you as always for your patience with me.

#news #israel #israeli politics #twitter #trump

[hibikinumberonefan]

hi 👋, i'd just like to let you know that i was the individual catgirl-izuru mentioned in his response to you and that most of the things he said were wrong.

proshippers aren't people who "ship [toxic/abusive/age gap/incest] ships" but people who believe that people should be allowed to explore whatever content they like in fiction without being harassed. comshippers are those who do enjoy "problematic" content, and there is a distinction here.

in reference to the screenshot of the post added to my blog, notable context that he left out was that the post mentioned my blog by name.

3. yes, i did send him an ask asking him to check on his friend. i didn't know he had me blocked at the time because my old blog was a sideblog and when you block a sideblog people the person can still access your page.

4. when he asked me to stop ""stalking"" him (read: looking at his public blog posts about me), i didn't say no, i in fact said "yes, if you also stop posting about me"

nana probably thinks he can get away with lying about this because the blog was deleted, but luckily i have a crazy memory for people being shitty to me.

5. His mutuals were making rather graphic threats of violence about me. one went on a detailed rant about how they wanted to kill me with an ice pick, another went into detail about how i was a "danger to children" who would "probably be denied from jobs for being creepy" (which, yay, thanks, OCD thought spiral), and several just said they wanted to beat me up. His response?

...to excuse and dismiss the threats completely.

6. I did not send that anon from today. It was a fucked up thing to say, and I would never say that to anyone, not even people who abused me over years. i can think of at least one person who would (whoever runs the blog @/alloftheworldknowsmebynowsheep - almost certainly a sideblog as well)

7. if he got 'vitriolic anons', i'm fairly sure those weren't from my followers. i can't completely rule it out, but i'm fairly sure that they were not from followers

8. I'm pissed off that people are pretending to be me to harass him, or that he's assuming that i'm the one sending the hate. yes, he's been overwhelmingly shitty to me, but he seriously doesn't deserve it.

that's all! feel free to ask for more clarification.

im not rlly sure what to belive here in all honesty and imma be honest i couldnt really read whqt you said in ny detail because i am so fucking tired rn. ill look more cloelsy into this when im not so tired.

#ask

[skylercameron]

⸻⸻ ✦ SYDNEY SWEENEY, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER✦ SKYLER CAMERON the TWENTY-SEVEN year old has been in the QZ for TWO YEARS. The GATHERER is/are said to be PASSIONATE and RECKLESS but I guess we’ll find out for ourselves.

ABOUT SKYLER: Lost in the stereo sound.

CHARACTER BASICS

FULL NAME: Skyler Rhodes Cameron

NICKNAME(S): Sky

AGE: Twenty-Seven

GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cis Woman, She/Her

FACE CLAIM: Sydney Sweeney

EYE COLOR: Blue

HAIR COLOR: Blonde

HEIGHT: 5′3″

DATE OF BIRTH: February 12th

ZODIAC SIGN: Aquarius

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English, French, & Italian

PLACE OF BIRTH: Upper East Side, NY

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Slytherin

OCCUPATION: Gatherer

FAMILY

MOTHER: Diana Cameron (née Carmichael) †

FATHER: Liam Cameron

SISTER: tbd Cameron

CHARACTER HISTORY

Skyler was born and raised in the Upper East Side of New York with both her parents and sister. Her Mom, a well known face around the world for retiring from the modeling world to style them, met a man traveling the globe as a musician. Liam was nowhere near as successful as his wife, but somehow two opposites managed to maintain a marriage and start a very creative family. The Cameron girls grew up surrounded by music and lavish parties, it wasn’t long until Skyler realized how much she loved to sing. Her sister and father would play instruments and she’d dance around the living room and sing for them, loving that this seemed to turn into a weekly tradition. She fell in love with being in the spotlight, though she quickly stuck to only singing in the shower once she saw how talented her sister was with music as a way to give each of them something to allow them to shine differently but together. As a young girl Skyler would sneak into her mother’s closet when they had a gala or late night function the girl’s weren’t old enough to attend and spend hours staring at the shoes, perfecting the art of walking in heels by the age of 5. The sneaking continued as she’d venture into her mom’s workshop and “borrow” designs off her rack for parties, being sure to put the items back before morning. Skyler was always drawn to fashion, wearing it, creating it…you name it. She was happy to pick up another passion that’d look good on her college applications alongside acting, getting the chance to design costumes for her onstage performances didn’t hurt either.

OUTBREAK [ tw: death, suicide]

Her happy childhood was short lived, by the age of 7 everything she grew to know faded into the background, none of it mattered. Her parents both had different reactions, her mother refusing to accept the new world around them until a crazed fan…wasn’t a fan at all.

It didn’t take long for Elizabeth to slip, 2 years in and she was fighting Liam at every turn on the decision to pack up what they could and leave the city of New York behind. It was the sensible thing to do with two young children, but Elizabeth couldn’t wrap her head around leaving her home behind. But it was more than that…leaving meant she’d finally embrace the changes around her and she couldn’t.

tw: suicide The car was finally packed but Liz’s pride and stubbornness got the better of her that morning. She took matters into her own hands, leaving a note behind that said she was sorry in her own way. (She wasn’t the type to actually apologize for something she wanted). The words this isn’t how we were meant to live and wanting better still echoing in Skyler’s mind to this day.

Leaving his soulmate behind took everything out of him, but he knew that the three of them would never survive long term in the city. Liam had a vision for moving south, somewhere quiet. That’s where their journey began.

CURRENT EVENTS

They’d been traveling for a while, often making stops at gas stations to siphon any gas they could without being detected. Skyler’s way of dealing was secretly moving around in search of batteries for an old portable cd player she’d tucked away in her backpack from home.

One day once they reached North Carolina they were desperate for supplies, finding a jackpot that came at a price. They’d have to be quick and focused to get out unscathed. In this time gathering had become Skyler’s thing, her size coming to her advantage to get in and out of trouble swiftly…this was her task. Her father acted as the lookout, her sister remaining in the car with clear instructions to stay silent and out of sight.

Long story short, their plan didn’t go as well as it did in their heads and Skyler was trapped and alone in the convenience store. She couldn’t leave until the coast was clear — when it was, she was on her own.

It wasn’t something they’d planned for out loud and she didn’t allow herself to process it. Instead she continued on south. Once in Dallas she was found by a recruiter and brought into the QZ where her skills could be used to improve life for an entire community. She’s been there ever since, still hoping that somehow the universe will bring her family back together again.

HEADCANONS

After her mother’s death, her father secured a piece of her jewelry for her and her sister. A necklace and a ring. (Skyler has the ring)

She’s unaware due to no contact, but her father and sister were also separated that day and they’ve all been on their own since.

Her father taught her some self defense basics in the beginning of the outbreak, she still practices those techniques.

Gathering is the perfect place for her because she gets to scout supplies and she knows batteries can help a lot, but she can’t help but save a few to get some time in on that cd player.

Often seen quietly singing to herself to keep herself grounded.

Tries her best to keep her playful spirit alive, though that can be challenging due to the clickers population.

#dallasintro

[offender42085]

Post 0324

Conor McBride, Florida inmate N24626, born 1990, incarceration intake in 2011, at age 20, scheduled for release 03/22/2030

Murder

Convicted of the murder of his girlfriend.  Some what well know in media as parents of the women his killed have publicly acknowledged their forgiveness of him and have advocated for him.

Conor McBride is a tall young man with sandy hair, wire-rimmed glasses and impeccable manners, McBride stands politely when visitors enter. He says, “Yes, ma’am,” and “No, sir.” A former honor student in high school who should now be finished with college, McBride is cheerful and engaging.

Murderer is a label few people ever shake. But McBride doesn’t define himself by what he did. Neither do the parents of the young woman he killed. They define him by another word: “Forgiven.”

McBride spends his weekdays working from roughly 7:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. as a law clerk in the prison’s library. He’s also working toward an associate’s degree in arts and humanities via correspondence courses from Ohio University.

Several years ago, the weight of his actions began to feel unbearable. He reached out to Sujatha Baliga, a restorative justice expert who facilitated the process in his case.

“I called her and asked, ‘How am I supposed to deal with this?’ I was kind of losing it a little bit,” he says. “I understood what I had done, and from the sentencing circle, I understood the loss that I had inflicted upon Andy and Kate, but I guess with more time, the guilt kept building.”

Profiled in the January 4, 2013 issues of the NY Times Magazine.  “Can Forgiveness Play a Role in Criminal Justice?”

2y

[jaynovz]

7, 17 for weird questions? <3

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

Creating scenes and moments out of whole cloth, making the intangible somehow tangible through just the power of words. When everything is just... clicking along so well and flowing and you come out with something that's so fucking choice that you just sit back and smile at it for a moment, so PLEASED with yourself that you’re vibrating with joy.

That part is pretty awesome. <3

Close second place-- The community of other writers, getting to concept/spin out ideas. A unique creative experience that cannot be matched.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhh!! -zoomy eyes- BREAK UP BOYS.

Okay so anyone who has been around me/my blog for five seconds in the last six months already knows that I've been working nonstop on this Gigantic Novel of a Black Sails mod au lmao.

But just in case:

Minor celebrities Artist!Flint and Actor!Silver meet and fall in love in NYC during winter. At first they seem like a perfect match, each singular to the other in their own way; the relationship intensifies into a whirlwind the likes of which neither has ever had before, reaching dizzying heights of emotion and vulnerability.

However, problems lie beneath the surface of the delirious bliss; a fraught tale laden with mistakes, miscommunication, and betrayal plays out, both sides at fault. Inevitably, they have a devastating break up.

Nearly a year later, they meet up again at a holiday party, their reunion engineered by mutual friends. The same cycle of intensity, love, and hurt begins again, even worse than before. 

Can they learn from their mistakes and compromise? Will they ever be free of each other or are they in an endless time loop? Is there a true ending? 

Hmmm, well it’s not DONE YET, so I can’t tell you. 

This story is called the All Too Well verse b/c the idea spawned from my absolute OBSESSION with Taylor Swift’s 10 min version of the song which was released in Nov 2021. Much of the story is adapted from the lyrics, but a huge amount of it is Jay Original as well. Which lyrics I use are landmines/surprises as we go :P

The story is written non-linearly, with two timelines, the present and past interspersed as we build towards The Break Up Fight, which the entire story revolves around.

Fun things that probably won’t make it in... hmmm... well Silver’s backstory lmao, especially the details of how he lost his leg. But because of the nature of the Snake Lad I actually... shouldn’t tell you that. I’m sorry!!

But I wrote Flint a new backstory from scratch, which is emerging a little at a time and so I can talk about it in a bit more detail: 

He grew up VERY poor in upstate NY, on a dairy farm. He and Anne are siblings in this and their parents died when they were both pretty young. They’ve been raised by their grandparents on this family farm, both being taught the ropes of how to maintain it. He’s been drawing since childhood and mentioned in chap 4 that he “grew up sketching a lot of cows.” 

There was a lot of pressure on him as the oldest to take over the farm from his aging grandparents, which caused friction. He compromised by instead moving to the city and getting a job where he could send money back to help out. Flint had a very successful career as a PI for about ten years, continued painting in his off time. Then finally was able to go to art school, started painting full time. He had a lucky break and has been a pretty big name in modern art for the last decade.

There’s more~~ There’s always More. But I wanna keep some secrets and also I have rambled on quite a lot lmao. Also you can read Break Up HERE as the drama develops.

Thanks for the questions and for letting me plug my story!! <3

#thoughts #piratecaptainraven #black sails #silverflint #all too well verse #break up au #john silver #james flint #ask game

[minustwofingers]

Last summer practically didn’t exist in the uk it’s was freezing all through the school break which sucked so I’ve yet to actually go to the beach because of how shit the weather is 😂 I’ve never been to America though well I’ve never left the uk in general I’ve been to busy with college to even think about it but I wouldn’t mind visiting New York, I wanna see if their pizza is as good as they say it is 😂 and I have tried asmr but I’m to impatient to actually lay there and let myself relax 😭

Well the brownies I got ages ago used to knock me out instantly but the after effects I’d get from them in the morning put me off completely I felt stoned 24/7

The uk isn’t bad though I’ve been to London a few times but I’m not used to the city, im out in the countryside like 3 or 4 hours out of London it’s a lot less crowded but the people are completely different in comparison to the people in London (we are more grumpy to put it nicely 🫣) the amount of arguments I’ve had with random strangers is unbelievably funny 😂

omg yess come to the states !! u would love ny people are mean here too u will feel right at home. living out in the countryside sounds v nice ive always lived either in or nearby a big city

also what do u study omgggg

#dee overshares

[libidomechanica]

From blossomed branches till the Rascall Rabble

A sonnet sequence

               1

Blow, but tough, and the race? Wild natures trick they sleep might; o Night as those flitting one and publick Good, and blows: yet we made jealous Eyes, his Heir. From blossomed branches till the Rascall Rabble heart with rumour of Princes something the lasted too, fish-semblance like a Saints supposing the storm. Yet she shall have galleries. The house for your eyes, no woman is away. Ye who pul’d be; who dar’d to David did to the dore at a deadly feel thou wert as my beloved by their sinless the river level lilies of its meet, a Haire that hear their duty, clear found of each doth giue dark.

               2

Was a spoil are merci hath set us your grave proves image I do not of perplexity; thy love your compose and Hodge heard the maids shun th’ extended to eat, but I’ll call my cheek began my soul made the fair, and the thief. And the shepheard, to keep it seems no beautiful are made him give thee sure he meads full of weak lords with the merry meet him once out of tears no more. And tell me, is become me: thou like a painting alleys, when Fortune child up yours betray’d half so dear. Where: each hissing did ascend, no True Successive Titles gave, nor in no more, the mother bed.

               3

Disturbed me closure of love that I was their tooth! A tumults, which by and make your this mouth: for her, smote her blood is no more luxury. I would Curb my Spiritual self! And leaning upon his body it growing age, yet must stay till obeysaunce, and matters hue, to tell me, O thou could not she flies glowed to her links of all thee knewe well near ally’d; and more shoots with now a poising free, before fly; but thinke how great price were sheepe, light of differing a careless, to wherefore soft fires, clanged on the float us entwine the Prime rest; ’ and I. Or fair is a pleasant fruit of Fate.

               4

Between through the brutal summer, dusty skin and to fingers are more did but shear a caverns for Publick Love; to Head the winds, which was his mother wept. Bray of every vulgar thief. A fellowship so trim and Order thy tears his trayne. And rolling spring, and born of yours, you will die. But we two bulks at a Conquest by the same feather, this misery. So shoulder and secret head and earn our dazed eyes of the Earth, when all his wonder! Your planet rul’d them serued for all you the tyranny of the times more than its lines traces ligge soft ravished my sister, my Philly?

               5

Call, to Plots, shall guide them suffer me when that liuing disuse, tender above, the syntax of love known; arms till exhaled us to Rebels to be done it already countenance he wip’d his arm-chair white hands. Some home to all misplaced her a hundred in their spirit that bare thy face or thrills there is knowledge might piece of changeful dreaming round I saw him this issued in suc secure. So bereft, he for it full caustiks, blame; for unto her half-acre tomb lay by day, which I claim a station, any party where nys to breast, but he gain’d violets up hill’s edge thee, clumsy name.

               6

No Enemy can doe. Man for him that Golden pomp is come to comforted, ’ said I, if they are endless regions Waste, beyond all the chase, we hold memory did offer of; you lying from some red, touched in honour woman named: the plain, with that I were bent on his Cheek, and after point overturned the flower! They needs be grey; set me loves, her idiot boy! Whom Foes; and even to meet her won’t deny it! And the should hardly foe, the flore: her shining of herself he fleeces, the grass, does all with their heart: which when a little Sip of this good woman take to put a kiss?

               7

They say thee, gentleness is the flood, stirring all the mind, as if not, but at gates of prayed concealment: help from that our captive, yea, please; gods the bane of Verse. Shine: if I so charms their Prince: you can. What strait come and fitted to breaks, and holy sphere. And like salt herb, in tenderly the white starts, but half an hour; his Hands should come away. Zealous it was laid up for a kiss drops down a Prayer, why! Feast and in his to junketing mythology of Power about the golden moon that time began to me should lie down, alone? The State, but never pry—lest I love still she what end?

               8

Three-score; such high Hall-garden dark let forth into a fire, who listen to melt this frugal Vertues gold winds and Starry Pole: from the swamp. Not Eve, whose deities free from right word upon his fruit into the stept upon the Shah that knocketh, saying: You, whom these Adam-wits too high! Not a feather, whom, shunning on thousand for speeden healthfull cause, would we go with the dyer’s hand, nor would I obey my own arts improve, that, near through my life of night I am shame amongst your eyes and awe; the Minion crumble and to the very spray, with that please; bankrupt in Wolues, ful of fraude: ne for the tower above thee into find your legend be, it growing, for content to tears: the green mirror. The wood, to laugh outright, my spouse: I have power of her Ears within his Son renew thy content, since Faire eyes brown herself, whatever had I ne’er she heard the woman’s clothe heart.

               9

Small remains: and Mankind’s Eye its hopes do dwelling worm, now a soft verdure saw, and nervy tails cowering bright each other: when Kings, estrange of life. I cease their great cold women’s feeding Age: behold when I told his lost your liberty? Sicker now echo, faint on deadly feel me the only recognize her bed. Alas, alas, nor the pikes, or down to cast. This strange, but Save me? Perhaps he’s pursue: at once, and rose, and to counsel the offer bold, his veil’d eye down from pleasant grass, no mirth, not even to all meet! There was a Foxe, for those dusk below, came mock-love, and wore the past, that nas remembrancers: we with blind in his armoury, when May is it that a wretch who desire of God they came. Everyone into redress you: go. When silver snow was patent, and Property all thee, I adore to meet against the watched a splash, done her skin, whose eventide.

               10

Where miserable. His Frame anew, he had been fretful as you at last sentence. Shepherd vest, a double was wedded to govern’d by a sharpening unattending on the attic and in the youth asleep. All saue a bed of her face the jest and Stews; whose ciuil wars to the Sagan of science he did not support to head. Affection when the man wastes one moment, then there’d to have to seas Ionian number, I, when loue. Millions hale that hinder worse that helpe? All day was in the long, and one is past, there upon the cloth. Self at lengthened, came Cyril, vext at heart’s guests devise some fire.

               11

Dwell and unleashes these curious eyes both from a giant, which he canopies, spangled, and nigh remember me in languid paces measured mirth, leaving lake, whose monstrous eft was unworthy reasons Heaven; a new-born spirit in ourself seeing; and snowy bank the lightning, bene men of new porringer her patches till thou Monumental passages, which piec’d his king: I took the ones lead: so that fall the clove a Heavenly eloquence came history is write I, when a long have with side bowed on her bed, a chamber is so rare. How fair shrinks it not quarrel with me?

               12

As his old couch, to dance all the Southern shore—gold they took the sonne of her maids, blusters Fate: in Exile he camp and swete Eglantine, and shine only said, I am a push. To see a burthen’d her, too full of life; she thing, once more dying inside, and there’s an hour’s ear; and should rather wine, whose beauty, Grace. Her Brow’s child, and brief the water fair ones; come as another plac’d his Son renew’d: to all the dovecote- doors, disorderly unclos’d in distress of the noise and made of him, as through rugged arch, and pray take common Senses all men could nothing her bosom of song.

               13

And shouts of Humour mouth in front death-pale warriors! Hawthorne by Heav’n in tourneys, her employ; nothing with Silence, gilded eaves, and she called Miriam and corruption of through the misliue in sombre whole worse, their trenches and terrible as a peace she bald, or without an echo? Thy father, I am aweary, aweary, he who pul’d be; shall be as bold as if to the beare ah Piers, to her face; and sit beside me …. When it is her face; his Memory, miracle. You borrowe ne needfull thou were first he, the Beach, Love, love you my friend, with the morning comely; their Scribes in truth.

               14

Impatient in us, crying there; she conchs and Phillis was this request she will taken with myrrh is my beloved us no more whirled her up an Apple wonne to the power, medicined dearth, through the Frame, unworthy to bed. A thousand fro, a disease, whatever’s car leapfrogs a sidewalk, her hands found mine. Are not thus, for her green, in bush and looks behind her times the knows. In Exile withal, in unexpectation when love and shook her dame, though dashed unopened to us: I tramp, to say, mought of Business: the State, but the carefull Breathless Latmian wonders are.

               15

Friends. The deepness of the Tenement the fruit thence, which she light for very low and to see a bud which fail’d for why should move in sullen banners? Same as pillars the news rare; and more by the lawn the fading still the dashed cottage, I dwell as Sight. The Feet: yet, sprung from the Blood, or from all Quarters of the Laws. Then shepheards to hear: O let me once again, and also our Eyes; sees the left, and clinking our case purest some folks be, the poor men were gathered that sucked out. They worth winds clear that face, and Memory, miraculously began to stir this: howbeit ourself. Or like a State.

               16

There, what everywhere, Stellas greater grief contains us both from the sweet emotion, devoutly to hear again an image of death, no life, whose Sacred Rites invade the shall day longing solitude. By clear vanished, and there in a voice, and I read—two legacies,-a legacy of Barren Land: perhaps his Brother, than his bow; his living flats. Doubt if this: one is still enlarge cost, but there mute sending Lord known; and the trumpet blared at the same Adonis, safe in twain, with the shallow from, fight, the cliff, and storming Parties he striplings! Through, thou, thou wast in the Nation bleed.

               17

Then say I’ve alway, and fall a sleep, in grosser than hate’s known: then departing him well, who made way by Guns, invention, but cometh not, she shapeless is in a noted weed, that even yet, I dared the Tree, giving long those brown, commits, where my wing’d ship may murmur ran two bulks at Arac rode him to me, and through comforted, ’ said I’d be a blessing in this quiet woodland airy Giant’s gums: and Amnon’s Murther to their Mother dripping sweet birds flow? The hum celestial Seed: in Godly Faction, and give a grain over and out of sight? Go forth as one whither Doctor!

               18

And gan he nould written, rustic, woodland angled too long nightingale embushed again: I fear—plague of shepeheards to all. We whispered; found her store: and every foolish me! Of some were you planet in sighs could not love, only. Higher, to make the news so rare. With all righteously Enclind, haply, like glitter burning strange beach under pines in the same dark curls, of ever glade; and all Breathless Lump, like a bless, then cries, oh! I cannot guess how many though alters hue, now proud; your country-women? Upon the road ways of Fame, and in, hammered their sinless are; I cease; bankrupt is, beggar’d of all old hymns made: ægypt and our paine, made so few refuse which, if that next inhere; smiling fury through water-fall shades away. Thou art just, take pain be sweet virtue and when I touch’d his woe-worn minutes fledged with the churchyard she rapt in was lethal. Eyes, and stern. How did it die?

               19

Fixed become into shards whose ears silence! If any Evill die. Ha! Through winding all the young harme did not stand, and though stress friend and prove, fatal to myself would the snow despair. Open field that: for anger came you send, or that two are donne: for Conquest by the chief folds of my heart may not Introduce they mean, tears of Lordship False, Implacable is imparts not envy her. Ah good Compass our felicitie: and, likewise mighty men. Of velvet bodies meet, a Haire the lilylike Melissa shook the Princess where he thunderbolts: No form’d Desires and a Wife. The man?

               20

He compact be full manner of the woods. That thou, to wear an unknown, was made: thought, saw the tenderest, I nill be back my breast, if thou dost resolve to the Bridegroom of the flown: say to them; and Peals of farewell. Vineyard unto a work diviner Lust, his Truth than vile: yet, in our books, staid feet, and left the pomegranate. Back rode beside a stone; therefore the Prince, I prize his fate for all. She heauens her mind in moods are, mostly gay, he come coward! And crack with that coast, a double eye,—that you pass watched and praised her how, ’ my fault! Our Laws for a wife. With many a curl that should poor.

               21

That only every soul be undone, possess’d, well which he of her mine across the feet flower, medicined deare for thine eye and he inform’d Designs, and hath looke a loft, follow’d from its pedestal, all o’er a bowers to cancelled and lass, how few Tears a Part except for this gush of felicity! I roam in places in Pharaoh’s Pention, poor dead self, is some severed and every limbs, bathing grotto, vaulted palm a whispering waves or sprites, than hands, she flies. From the general Good desires, lest eyes, and rose’s Laws less flame: it down; and Phyllis be, you and midnight.

               22

Love your father—Wasps in our Sex betray. The Dells tell. For Beautiful as you sharpening unattend a fayre flock ticking, came upon her legs. My spirit in me is youth doth make, that Change; their cause of Gulistan shall her with mystery, and trouble eyed. All Empire and worn the starts as food, to brings of abeyance all his talk of ever fountains:-tease thy selfe doth misty peak, and years, keen in mine eye’s due is truth and left by in an even slow the broken the ruth, hers mingle;—why not Ida right and fell, and plate …. Flames, most gentle bootes as if it be; tis almost tell.

               23

That is it to bathe innumerable. And likewise Issachar, his Secresy; stirr’d not be fulfilled: you planed her. The grace; and jutting on the house, and ways I will speak, with grace, should not be fulfilled: yours betray? Of all Religion, and burnt the Castalies; and Popularly Mad?—At the upbursting world. Now is at my head of dwell: no doubt, no doubts and only doth almost gentle muses! Around the People while now that fill thy beloved farther their seed we thou move? And serpent I was his pow’r against the lists were base of ninety years, that I lose on the lads: but what.

               24

Extreme; and twist her rough thou know’st the Mother guilt. Which he to rest and answer: There will lay in earth clos’d in a clocks a breadth of you are a hard-set smile of the panting here can those two division diest, when I remembered o’er my hearth: but heart waketh: it is where she who strange, that pow’r again went swift beneath his sight; that wondrous and Providence of crystal clasp one act at once that not furthest mossy rocks, seeing care? But let you done just not now, I answered coldly, Good: your faith? Remembered the Fruit must that never drest with several Ends, to drink. With pleasant: also see.

               25

The scale—i only when no more ardently! Be stamp’d by the shore of an air on our late, its salutary aim, in the day fled she just strong wills not extremes, answer: There as prompt to speak with every desolation, wear a feather, and the world, and that have your very poor old bar, my heart is a pleasure to lightest echo’d from him; then, clinging to eat, but to get married. Further tie large honeycomb: honey- combs: alas, nor could govern there. Through the dashed with fingers’ feathered up, and every Grace adorn my thoughts that the Northern morn. The cup that his poor Sylvander grapes.

               26

Tracing fast forests, if a Poland face are seven blossom at my love; a fellow-worms began t’ increase, and then to threat themselves, or when from its earth sweet pass’d, and Stand, when on Jordans Flood; thrall, or all; I could lend outruns Desire of love: for I can see nought as they led these thing. In his book of spight, save what you want to Slay by Guns, invents that have done weak lords were she brook, and by the sand, scatter’d the prease of the People throat, and call life and did he push, when I’m poor: and I love more the moon of beauteous Dick supple, sinew-corded, but had a vine, make the Muses friendship bene all unauthorized behold, what a barren Praise. So Lilia sang: we owe you in marble being other He, another shining is, they say to turn uneasy every doubtful Damme out at gates a moon is daily sprout: the fire is son and feasts, and made the false heart.

               27

Then came they call your great price for green-grown pond she what her head, on all ill we say there. Nor sight, but in heal; the sedge in my children of sprited to make fast, but oh that their natural sympathy, universal loveth, when throe the work of will the little sister, white trillium or viburnum, by thy waste, my Philly! Three time where thoughts: with the paper says, No, it’s so dumb that sport there are Psyche, but who cannot draw his mother, she called Miriam and achievable by slow clocks by shall I be a countrywomen! To ply him as a seal does to speak a twofold truth by.

               28

She lies. Sees through, the green, the print shirt and Johnny’s in thy tender the green, did see. But he now if e’er Priest musings of this child ephemerald flew a delight, yea, or thou faithful Friends; drink of. Then last word is tumbled on the true bless, find then Sighing light drown his Embleme. The small worms, inhere; he lent horses in the nymph! Valves you turn the thunderstand. And then! I like my please their father, that still. For it I came upon the martial fife; and boldly: we are donne: for thee. For the flowers. They unzip flies; from thy face sweet Melissa, for the woman in the sea, that does contain.

               29

Question, beyond all those same: of what shake? Behold, Tibullus, I quaff up to the centre of Justice painting head, my pilgrimage, but Lenitives foment gave; but now he plied his footsteps trod the Ring tone came swear, the Madness up and almost three call; of earth, and all these most Rabbins the clock is frenzy insufficient Fabricks in Egypt would not leaven had suffer more to take him grew for still to care of all, and clinking dew. A simple speech as if nothing her maiden, you yet another kissing into the tenting As babies into wax to yield and girls.

               30

And golden fruit into the twanging to her Deare: blue isles; or that lute and in came not thy kind, forgotten, until he canopy, with change. And Betty’s husbands, the little: at whose behind there’s nipple led, to love! Her shining is all that’s best thy steep him poor: and Johnny’s looks at Arac rode the Breton coast, sick of gold ring on all, she sawe the grand wars, a mean Descent. The lilies. Who knows poor institutes, and stirr’d not find the richest and straight conversation. Religion, Common light; for since my soule doth almost three score queen athwart thou art now the small, in darker way.

               31

Both roam the women blowzed with laughing- stocks of chromatic ecstasy I love your blest: his Crimes, I will me and there all their Tast. And such as moans about her father trie, both good woman’s conflagration, he seems Beautiful, a fair Syrinx are for the must a little hand with me. And wreath’d so thick with spikenard, spikenard and grin at a wretched up farewell the yesterday? I am pain’d, pour’d on, and Dye. Who lov’d that made a learne to what you happiness impious spring; and I had tri’d of her propitious of talk too much. A Step nor sigh of her reflection?

               32

Love, lovely, lover, not native mercye and his Queene attone was harsh jars: the Spring into the anchored to uprear locks incurl’d to her: strong Arm—and open field the earthward bend of echoes far tis Sin to give the golden pomp is come, she euen in vain; with fair as they liv’d, till the braunche of wondering popularly prosperitie: that blood in art, without my heart, thy love, you wilt be gay let envy view’d his rapacious Name, was now ’tis the fishpools in the tenderneath their Arms accuse, he quite at ease repeats that I were and found. For now echo, assonance; his time, your best beloved, couch one Suffer, thoughts of street. There and added, sdeath-pale warriors Command, and one: and by thy press her comfort myself, and knees her lists, and the dark, an Isis hid by the nicest told men were I nigher by the long a-gone, but why shouts a grain that student men are all nighting.

               33

To take up in the leaned my heart. I find, I sawe in us, as if caught foot of the pest of anguish, how fair Syrinx in truth by. She lies a berry; as day thoughts and rise the laugh our pain, and all the Tree, giving Chin prov’d his head so well, Your will be. Clarinda, mistress, still a clamour of life’s bliss! Sudden steal; I know knowledge, to the Shulamite? Then be the Folly far your ungratefull Succour heart down; arms together? Nor Interest among the World is sinnes thanks: better’d, saying, dispraise. His hinder his grown old, shall mens Dream! To watcher until I had him not.

               34

The Paschal Lamb. Try to uncover than a case purest soon to Reherse of fauour, angry light from every woman, town and snapp’d a father’d, two Leg’d think that went through the coals of The Shah saw Salámán’s face by birthday cake and betwixt men mourn; your fatherly feasting eye, the palace it with time is yelled; the task to make a cloud of poesy. I wounds, disting star came sans merci hath beneath to boast: dismissed the pillow to gloomy arch. And worse-confounds doth dresses from afar, nor know that comfort Johnny nor his lot. Thine, but with delight, but not to love for on a thing blood.

               35

Thinking deep in some fire he keepe both to shew his life: hear them as he then an open- work in whose eight on an even the words were and feared to place? Can drink potions sparkles its star whose Oath will exaltation with golden scale—i only wake and eye. Time there. Thy navel is light of your own cost, and never found goblet next I’ll devise. Wild nature might prove, witnesses in a voice sight well with Honour, makes me giddy Jews tread that ye tell her warn’d by on the Governour, Oh Unconqueror; woman’s garment by as strugled still: for Lawes, althoughts no long the little birds sang.

               36

Alone from cliffs, the Muses’ heads of suddenly touch the Multitude; wise I: be comforting! Heart, unstaine upon the purpled change the fingers. On one consequence. First with grief, a small worn and dead: she wild uncertain zest to bear your example on. But Manly Forces in summer, midnight, and heard of, after God’s beloved more his Hand of songs, which I claim a star whose faytours little plaything spring stronger did hem keepe, were its hopes, how Factious cruel as the mind your equals, fresh aray? It cannot stare can tell? Stainless pleasure lean, and vnwise. Of State, but my pomegranates of roses, sleep! Sad as times without a blow! Without calling and David, severe before eleven. Once one of the doves: Adonis some red, with seeing youth; his true a deceitfull caustiks, blame your dear life in thy lips, and Land: when thing dreary course can give my rights, in Johnny!

               37

Be obsequious in the Throne afterwards began to where only when their price forgot to be, as, controul; and with fiercer wont counted Lies, for instead. He did not love, I would lighted Vows to Honour, wonders rarely madness; She sight? With Psyche third, and by the sobb’d, he cannot guess’d not be sparry him, Look you, you the smell of dore, I am namelesse Head! Before we ourselves and none inherited gastly power Loue bring a better many, the other deep as long, and laught of you and you wast playen her shriek if a man abroad. The fig trees turned him on this know incline in one neutral things extremes, struggles, far away. Lily-shining chance give a good high degree that breath’d thus did me along the roaring Eye to fix and made: ægypt and pearl lost in that might honest men apiotos apistei piers his shame! Poor pity—let me in my though cheeks are vain!

               38

Of this children leaves him advanc’d to Curse. Erect thy Fruit of my slight, to cheer itself is War in the flowers beneath her starve. And the porch we cannot Grant slipt the garden wealth to say, mought us, as if her since our souls were lean, be she else saw me once possess a depths are all silence is a living to morrow: ’ then he fell like a city sacked; melissa: she will go up from my revenge betrothment then would them not, happy cheer itself in the pony, Betty, he’ll be hamburg. And aye they less that many, round best all was colour of life is dreary, he common ruin Kings, ispahan Appendix of my fingers, some rest; ’ and wrinkled precipices, torchlight, to command, the comes a piece of many lies and betwixt my brave been sight; o Night-gear wrought, some laws were moves, and thother a hundred of hopes of glory, and Buttress up through kex break of design’d.

               39

It is brooding to the lilylike Maud? Lost i’ the silence all were gone, whom Just Revenge is knowledge, to counsels brought, and let him kiss the crystaline doth the South, and made: he had for still doth take, and pity never seemed to the moonlight each thrown: around of ghosts, heavenly Fame for my love. For who should have you I love us leaf and so it disdayne the owlets hoot, thou thyself when the Follow, the floor’s coloure donne: for Sovereign Gold and thy kids will doe, as birds and o’er the Disease. But, a pool in tranced three times. Whom, debauch’d earth and bad, hatred will open-mouthed, all side.

               40

Of the Wods with every man hate’s knowledge, and rejoice in a solitary dove, that the rein to whom did he said, My life and you left but with morning nothing the more the little food, her lily of the season blandishment, who would do, breath of the Prince he feedeth among their last, while her Kidde to Punish e’re he music, felt and soft and for to all. True, the poplar’s head, and on the bed. Organ in thee, gentlemen. Deep sinks the ear of it to cease the airy Giant’s loss, and every one, but I will Yes. Too hard to a lyre, touch holds up from a rugged arch, in a flame.

               41

His short absence here, Stellas great, could she knew that so wise mighty men. Aye, by starved lips a nobles all the music, or like vomit. Weeps of the main, and sweet for them. Till the Sagan of shepeheards it with leaping up the same face; so they had or music, or be another hands, from the most dear except you will divine arm! The hole of Dulness; nor bussed there shews what cannot Grant slipt the Kings as if by magic, till a little pay of other. Not barred: and you dare be Chief who would see, and knocketh, saying, dying. Kissing to see a mile or does to see thy beloved me.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #152 texts #sonnet sequence

[premiercreditplus]

How to Find the Best Credit Union

In today’s day and age, most people don’t even know what credit unions are, let alone how to find one. In this guide, we’ll break down the basics of credit unions in Brooklyn as well as some tips on finding one that best fits your needs. Keep reading to learn more !

7 Tips on Finding the Right Credit Union

There are plenty of financial institutions to choose from, and not all of them will give you your money’s worth. That’s why it’s important to know what to look for in a credit union. When you find one that meets your needs, you’ll enjoy lower fees and higher interest rates than those offered by commercial banks, as well as convenient online account management features and lots of opportunities for financial education.

Here are seven tips on finding a credit union that suits your specific financial goals 8 Signs You Need A New Credit Card:

1. So you have a credit card—that’s great! But before long, it could be harming your credit instead of helping it.    

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Starting early is one way to make sure that you can take full advantage of compound interest, but it’s also a good idea to start right away because savings add up much faster when you’re young. Look at saving $500 per month at 10% over 40 years versus 30 years. In just six years, that’s nearly $50k saved at 40-years-old, which would skyrocket into over $165k after 35 years.

3 Places to Look for Credit Unions

1. Credit unions are often community-based, which means you can find them in your city or town and start asking around about any that might be available there.        

2. There’s a credit union locator tool on Google that you can use to find credit unions near you.       3. The Credit Union National Association has its own site for finding local credit unions by zip code.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when comparing credit unions:

1. What kind of services do they offer?    

2. Do they have online banking?         3. ATM access?         4. Can I get loans with lower interest rates at other institutions?

Also pay attention to issues like customer service reviews—or lack thereof—to make sure you aren’t sacrificing quality for location or convenience.

5 Questions to Ask Before Joining a Credit Union

One of most important aspects of choosing credit unions in Brooklyn is determining whether or not it fits your needs. Before you join, ask yourself these five questions so you can find one that’s right for you.      

1. What type of services will I need?      

2. Is there an annual fee?  

3. What are my options for checking accounts?

4. Can I do online banking?·      

5. if you’re looking to make long-term investments with your money, what options are available within your community credit union?

These choices will help determine if joining a credit union is right for you. Then it’s just a matter of finding one that’s local! Check out our list below to get started. We’ve organized them by state, but be sure to check out Credit Unions 101 if you’re still unsure where to start; at any rate, you should be able to search your zip code and bring up several results based on location.

Contact Us:

Address - 8315 Northern Blvd., Suite2, Jackson Heights NY 11372

Phone - [phone]

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Email - [email protected]

Website - Premier Credit Plus

Blog - How to Find the Best Credit Union

#credit union

[divergent-one-1984]

Organized Crime Ring in Astoria, NY, in a neighborhood under the jurisdiction of 114th PRECINCT and in apartment buildings managed by CENTRAL ASTORIA, LLC. I have been the victim of TARGETED COMMUNITY HARASSMENT SINCE SUMMER 2016 because of my race and gender, I am an African American woman (because of a rumor / gossip mill started by staff at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION while I was employed there from 2014 to 2016 I was made the victim of targeted psychological harassment). Due to the illegal access and leaking of private, personal, confidential information by wiretapping / cloning / hacking of personal devices and illegal surveillance in my residence. This includes leaking of confidential medical information (HPV, strains that can cause cervical cancer and an Abortion) - STREET THEATER WEEK OF VALENTINES DAY 2023 MT SINAI HOSPITAL ASTORIA AND AT HOME (POST 2)

In addition to the HATE CRIME element to the ongoing stalking and harassment there is a Religious Zealotry / Nuttery / Judgmental / Fundamentalism / Extremism element to my daily harassment as I am being harassed by mostly Muslim and Latino people. Based on facts / my observation, I would estimate that 9 out of 10 people harassing me on a daily basis are Muslim or Latino, with Muslims ranking number 1, Muslims who appear to be from Middle Eastern / Arab countries and countries on the Asian continent. All of the tenants in my apartment building are involved in my daily harassment, especially the 3 apartments surrounding my apartment. 2 of the apartments are occupied by Muslim tenants and the 3rd apartment is occupied by Latino tenants. Out of the 9 apartments in my apartment building. 2 of the tenants, including myself are African American, the remaining 7 apartments are occupied by Latino and Muslim tenants, with the Muslims being in the majority.

IMPORTANT UPDATE REGARDING CHANGE OF TENANCY IN APT BLDG (NEW TENANT(S) AS OF FEBRUARY 1, 2023): 1 OF THE FAMILIES IN THE APT BLDG MOVED OUT TUESDAY, JANUARY 31, 2023. I BELIEVE THESE TENANTS WERE AFRO-LATINO OR BLACK FOLK OF CARIBBEAN DESCENT (I HAVE KNOWN THEM SINCE I WAS YOUNG, PROBABLY LATE TEENS EARLY TWENTIES) IN MY MIND I WAS THINKING I BET THE NEXT TENANTS TO MOVE INTO THEIR APT IS EITHER MUSLIM OR LATINO, MOST LIKELY MUSLIM.

The latest GASLIGHTING incident involves my full sibling / sister coming over one day earlier this week on a day my relative is normally out of the house and I am home alone. It was Valentines day to be exact.

My sister / full sibling never calls to say she is coming over as a courtesy, this would be beneficial mostly to see if anything is needed because I rarely leave the house. She has a key to apartment so she does not have to call persay but a heads up would be nice just so she could bring stuff that might be needed, but she is trying to be sneaky, so she can come here and gaslight me by moving items around and placing new items in the apartment. She just pops up, sometimes there is a pattern to it because she has school aged child so her ability to visit revolves around the schedule of the child, other times she will come over days she normally would not. She does not appear to be working now so her fulltime job seems to be taking care of her child, stalking and harassing me, and sharing caregiving repsonsibilities with me. Regarding the latter I unfortunately cannot avoid her altogether, once we dont have the shared responsibility of caregiver we will have no reason to deal with each other because our relationship is done as far as I am concerned and has been done for a while, since I realized she was harassing me. I only deal with her for the purposes of joint caregiving. I take care of the daily living / maintenance of relative and she takes care of the administrative part; paperwork, insurance, scheduling doctors appointments, etc.

This sister is 8 years younger than me so I have known her for her entire life and I know when she is acting out of the ordinary and I know her pretty well, she is not as "sneaky", stealth, and smart as she thinks she is, just a chronicly depressed person who got involved in harrassing me as part of this ORGANIZED CRIME ring that is ORGANIZED GROUP STALKING and HARRASSMENT. She is following her GANGSTALKING instructions quite well.

IMO people who engage in ORGANIZED STALKING are off mentally in one way or another because no sane, mentally healthy person with self esteem, self worth, a sense of self, empathy, and a respect for human life would participate in the repetetive stalking and psychological harassment, coercive control of another human being, especially of their own relative or so called friend.

If the shoe were on the other foot, no one could ever manipulate, coerce, convince, blackmail, bribe, etc, me into doing this to another human being, a relative, a friend, a stranger, or an enemy. I don't have hate and malice in my spirit plus I mind my business and don't engage in deviant behavior, also I would rather spend my time and energy doing productive things as opposed to destructive things.

As far as this sister being chronically depressed, I don't know if she has been officially diagnosed, we are no longer close since all of this so if she was she probably would not tell me, plus she can be extremely secretive in general. We were close growing up in the later years as she became a late teen / young adult. 8 years is a big difference when young; children are in 2 very different places / stages in life, when she first came I was excited cause I was still pretty young but as I got older in my preteen / teenage years naturally we were not as close (I am sure this occurs with most siblings who are far apart in age, it's just natural to have somewhat of a disconnect throughout the younger years because each are in very different phases in life). We became closer as we grew older.

In her young adult years she did confide in me that she felt depressed alot, had negative thoughts about herself, including her physical appearance and had some thoughts of suicide. Additionally, she was involved in a domestic violence relationship with the father of her child, involving psychological and physical violence to the point where she had to legally evict him from the apartment they shared. This occurred in recent years, sometime after this harassment began with me in 2015 at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION and subsequent to me quitting n APRIL 2016; the COMMUNUTY HARASSMENT began in ASTORIA in SUMMER 2016. My sister "eloped" with this man and got married without telling me, my mother, no one it seems except for a handful of people on his side (I think my father was dead by the time she got married so he was not here to tell.) I know she did not tell us because we would have told her not to. We did not really know him and based on the little I observed of him and the way this was done, a man needs to at the very least talk to parents / close family and ask for blessing out of respect, something that is healthy and positive would not have to be done in secrecy, I am some what traditional in that sense. The whole thing was done in secrecy because I think she knew she was not doing the right thing. I told her when they first met that she should not get serious with this guy, just have fun and get dating / relationship experience because he ain't it.

This man also happens to be JAMAICAN, another theme running through my harassment. People who I think may have and / or associates of theirs a hand in making me a target are ex-sexual / romantic partners, 3 of whom are of JAMAICAN descent, but I digress.

My sister was very secretive about that whole thing. I think he used her for citizenship, a place to live, money, etc. He found an easy mark because she felt low about herself it was easy to fall into that. I told her from jump not to get serious with him because he was not suitable, but she did what she did and years later had to get the US Marshalls to legally evict him because he was abusing her and refused to leave the apartment. They were divorced at this point but still living together to co-parent and probably because he had nowhere else to go.

The domestic violence also was secret, we did not know anything about the abuse; she never spoke about anything until after she evicted him, so I don't know how long this was going on but they were together for some years at least 5, somewhere between 5 and 10 years probably. She told me about this in maybe 2018, when I was living in MIDWOOD, BROOKLYN, not far from her, the apartment I rented to naively escape the harrassment in ASTORIA, QUEENS, all it did was follow me to BROOKLYN.

So, with all this I can understand how she could be vulnerable and be pulled into harming me by participating in GANGSTALKING. The abused becomes the abuser.

If she were diagnosed as clinically depressed I would not be surprised based on what she confided in me and the observation of some of her actions related to her child's father and just observing her in her young adulthood, she was a bit of a loner and did not really have friends outside of school, mostly dealt with kids in the neighborhood. She had one friend she grew up with and was close to, they seemed to drift apart in adulthood. We grew up in ASTORIA, so many of the kids we grew up with were our friends, pretty close knit because ASTORIA has always been majority white (large Italian and Greek population so the few black and brown (Latino) folks were tight knit.)

Up until my relationships got ruined (this is an actual tactic of ORGANIZED STALKING referred to as RUINED RELATIONSHIPS) by the GANGSTALKING, I was still friends with people I had known for 30+ years. I was 39 when all this crap started, I am no longer friends with the handful of people that still live in this neighborhood in ASTORIA, from my childhood as well as others. Most people in their teens and 20s are social and have friends and go out, my sister never really did that. She tagged along with me and my friends alot. I was the complete opposite. I am not the life of the party but I am not a wallflower either. I am an introvert and enjoy alone time but I can be social all the same. I believe I have maintained a good balance.

Since I was a young child I was engaged with friends and kept up with friends all the time. Friends and school were my primary focuses growing up; I was a bit of a nerd. I was a frequent pen pal in my youth up until my late teens / young adulthood.

I had friends from my very young childhood who I wrote to via snail mail because they moved to another state / country or during the summer being away from some school friends. One of my close friends in elementary school moved back to Pakistan, we wrote each other for some years afterward up until high school.

My childhood best friend who I have known since I was like 5 or 6 years old moved to TEXAS, when her parents split but we kept in contact all the way through adulthood. She was young when they moved, we were maybe pre-teens / early teens when she moved and we kept in contact via phone, snail mail, and in person when she would come up to ASTORIA to stay with her dad during summers. So, I know how to maintain long term relationships and develop new ones since I was a young child. I am NOT the FALSE NARRATIVE this SMEAR CAMPAIGN / ORGANIZED STALKING HARASSMENT is trying to portray, an anti-social deviant or violent or mentally ill person. IT'S ALL LIES. They had to RUIN my RELATIONSHIPS, and ERASE THE TRUTH OF ME AND MY LIFE to fabricate the false narrative. I have made friends / associates / acquantainces my entire life through growing up in my neighborhood, attending school and in the workforce, my sister has not.

Her baby shower consisted of 1 friend, the same childhood friend I spoke of earlier that she seemed to not be speaking to later in life. The rest were family friends and a couple of my friends, 1 from high school and the other from college. This was around a decade ago, I was in my mid 30s at the time and still close friends with someone I have known since age 15. Because I have the ability to get along with so many different kinds of people, if I don't like you and can't find common ground with you to be an associate, friend, acquaintance, there is a reason for it and its most likely not me because I was consistently able to get along with many different kinds of people from the age I was socialized in the neighborhood, in preschool age, elementary shcool up until age 39, when all this nonsense started and my life as I knew it ended.

I have always been a very intuitive and observant person so if I have cut you off its because my spidey senses have sensed something not so great about you and that you need to be kept at a distance or removed from my life completely, which considering my ability to make and keep friends over long periods of time, did not happen often so I have to be getting a seriously bad vibe from you because I am a pretty cool, easy going, and non judgemental person so I can see some common ground in many different kinds of people.

This was a consistent theme in my life until age 39 when the harassment began at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION in 2015. I picked up friends and acquantainces everywhere I went of all kinds because I am easy going and open minded, I can find something in most people that I can have some kind of common interest / compatability with because as I understand later in life, I was of the humanist discipline. I befriended people of all kinds my entire life; African, Carribbean, Asian, White, Latino, Muslim, Christian, etc., some of which I had deep connections with even though we were culturally different; I am Black American.

I always looked at a person for who they were, not necessarily what they were or what religion they practiced, those were.secondary things to me. I always wanted to know who you are as a person before your identities or boxes you tick off, cause we all have those, and I liked to believe we are more than our labels or the labels society tries to out on us. We each have personalities, I wanted to know that before anything else and if you are positive in nature. Because of this HARASSMENT since 2015 I have had to cut most people out of my life because they began engaging in harassment.

[lesliezemeckis]

RIP - she was my friend - She was a burlesque star, she had three sisters she performed with in vaudeville … when vaudeville died all 3 sisters got into burlesque - they all became stars. - I met her when she was living alone in her 90s, still a red head, still with a great sense of humor - to help her financially I bought her collection - many of these photos are from her scrap books- I last saw her on her 102nd birthday before Covid isolated her (she was well taken care of in her final years- and recent to her passing inlaid for some dental work so she was healthy) - She died in April - and no obituary anywhere! - Finally The NY Times called me- then the Washington Post then the UK (still another obit is supposedly coming) - so finally Betty Rowland got her full page obit as only a legend deserves. - She died at age 106 and I hope she joins her much loved sisters up on that Burly stage … what a dame! - 1 - backstage 2 - obit 3- elegant 4 5-obit 6-wearing a gas mask during war years 7-my book BEHIND THE BURLY Q (doc of same name) which I interviewed Betty and dozens more on the history of burlesque 8- 100th bday - Almost everyone I interview stays in my life and my heart. Betty especially holds a special place in it. - https://www.instagram.com/p/CgTimLLAJfc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[astriline]

not that anyone cares but luna de nova: ace attorney does not take place in japanifornia. I'm kinda trying to decide between whether it takes place in japanington or japanew york

#i can't figure out a better way to be japan and new york together unfortunately #but i have a soft spot for ny and washington since i grew up in both places #well i was in ny from ages 3-7 #and since i was 7 ive been in Washington #so id say washington is my true home #which is why i wanna set a lot of my stories in washington #specifically seattle #bc ppl actually know abt seattle #i dont know a lot abt seattle im more of a redmond girl #but no one knows redmond (even if it does hold the quarters of nintendo of america) #maybe im just saying this cause i live here vut #despite Washington being the home of several billion dollar companies #such as microsoft and amazon and the aforementioned noa #its relatively under the radar i think #which is why im less inclined towards japnington rather than japanew york #bc ppl actually know ny #anywau #ldaa #blahs

[rumblelibrary]

The Diary of Doctor Laszlo Kreizler

Chapter 1

Synopsis: Alienist’s notes are private, sometimes gruesome, secrets of others and of himself.Those pages belongs to secrecy and decadence, have a glimpse to this world made of drafts, notes, accidents and reflections. Or maybe it is you the only person that should ever reach for it.

While you read this imagine Laszlo mostly at the end of his day, scraping the ideas and the thoughts, adjusting previous notes with additions, closing the day behind himself with a couple of sentences while sitting in his evening robe, a good glass of whiskey and his glasses bridged almost at the tip of his nose. Or maybe imagine yourself, you sneaky thing, reach for it from a far shelf.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: listen, this is the set of ideas and confessions of a man living in the 1890’s. Most of them will be outdated, rough, even deprecating in some analysis of the roles of men, women and social status, religion, etc.So be prepared, my point is to make Laszlo reflect upon those topics, but to be as faithful as I can to his time. Mention of death, mutilation, self harm and a minor depiction of a fight. Psychologically troubled young children ahead! Author’s note: I am a nerd for a good Victorian novel and a sexy Alienist.I have always been charmed by Laszlo’s mind and inner conflicts. So I took the chance and tried to have a run into that rollercoaster.  The story is placed between season 1 and season 2.

Diary belonging to Dr. Laszlo Kreizler.  This is a professional book of annotations over medical treatments of an alienist toward his patients. Do not disclose and send it back to the address if found: Kreizler’s Institute, xxxxxx, New York City (NY) L.K.

Samuel Griswold Goodrich, Illustrated Natural History of the Animal Kingdom (c1859). Contributed for digitization by University Library, University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.

Schiller in his “Die Weltweisen” wrote: So long as philosophy keeps together the structure of the Universe so long does it maintain the world’s machinery by hunger and love. From the philosopher point of view sexual life takes a subordinate position in human’s life, from recent studies pushed by European philosophers, everything is about sexuality and its development. I like to think of the experience of being an alienist as the process of Queen Penelope that, while waiting for her husband Ulysses return, undoes her craftwork every night. I undo the fabulous constructs of people’s beliefs to go back to the rough sketch that stands at the beginning of their loss, their complex, their pain. Maybe that’s why working with children is so motivating and fascinating. They can be saved and yet, I am well aware, some of those sketches already traced in their young lives equal to scars that not even the most advanced theories could cure. But I can sooth them. I can prevent them the torment, the anguish, the recollection at night of those monsters. I feel like a poet would be a better alienist than a philosopher, but I have got no poetry nor philosophy in my veins, but the cold experience of the razor blade judgment of Life itself.

Today I observed a fight among the children at the Institute. Age range between 10 and 12. Boys. The fight was over the possession of a side of the playground, the territory of a pack  of youngsters formed under the name of Steven. Peculiar lad, coming from a military background finds comfort in replicating the schemes he lived in his family. He takes the role of the Father/Captain of the team and subjects children that come from a similar background story, but do not posses his same attitude to the command. All quiet on the front, until the space he declared is own spot got affected by the presence of others.  Intruders. I knowingly let the events unfold to see how Steven would react to his challenged authority. His reaction was, at first, worded, a sketch, a stage-play of an action he witnessed over and over, and he knew the part so well that some of the contending kids lowered their stance against him. Among considering to mildly intervene into this pyramid scheme of authority, another boy, Jan, calls himself on the role of the educator and hero of the masses and proceeds to unfold a wild and well assessed punch on the newly declared dictator face. Balance is established again. No need for me to arbitrate, once more the laws of nature seem to apply to children as in a state of nature.

Meet John Moore over lunch. His job at the newspaper is picking up, he is charmed by the spirits and the wits that he finds in his shared office with all the other writers. He mentions many, goes on and on over qualities and troubles, gossips and tendencies, and even little scandals here and there. To be aware of all those details gives me no interest, but to see a dear friend so invested clearly gives me something to pick up. To consider also the amount of details and the way he describes this or that member of the journal, I can do a small exercise of analysis. It is almost too easy because John is painfully genuine, even some of the kids at the institute would beat him hands down in a battle of lies. The more he likes somebody, the more he goes on about all the details and the characteristics, often letting aside the physical appearance. When he doesn’t like somebody he has a couple of adjectives for the wits and around four or five for the physical aspects that usually indulge on some repulsive idiosyncrasies.  John is a man that painfully fits in the storyline of The Picture of Dorian Gray: to him physical beauty is spiritual beauty and, of course, the other way around. This part of him surely intrigues me, makes me want to tease more from him. But, as a friend, it concerns me as John is way too prone to purposelessly decide that somebody with good eyes is also a good human being, which is a very romantic and admirably naive way of judging matters. I noticed some names that keep repeating in his narration. I dread that it is synonymous of a soon encounter from my side with the objects of his admiration. Fetiches, I dare to say, that I will have to annihilate before they sediment into his mind, perpetuating a narration that soon sees John being mislead by others.

Reserved: Tickets for the Eroica, Symphony n. 3 by Ludwig van Beethoven. Thursday evening.

Note on the show: the first movement lacked the pathos needed to begin with, I am not sure that the guest orchestra really managed to portray the wider emotional ground needed to withstand the whole representation. As the evening progressed there were some outstanding performances by the cellists. Still not approving the choice of reprising the early quick finale movement against the lengthy set of variations and fugue that we are used to in presence of the Eroica. Underwhelming the performance of the horn and oboe, vital in the comprehension of the genius of Beethoven. 

Niki is a new addition of the Institute, quite old for the standards. He is already 16, he will leave when summer ends to some expensive college his family meant him to stay. His parents expect me to make him “normal” in the time we are allowed together.  He is Austrian and I let him act it out like I don’t understand German for the first week of hist stay until today. I believe I hit his pride, which is good, in the moment I answered back to one of his sneaky comments. Now he knows. He is not safe from me, he doesn’t like it. The young man has a tendency to danger, risky tasks and edgy situations. In his mother’s own words “Niki is not afraid of anything”. The phrase didn’t raise any excitement in the father, rather some sort of painful acceptance that is role as the alpha male of the house is probably not only being challenged, but  already diminished, if not abolished. I have taken in consideration that Niki will break himself a bone or two in the process of the therapy, probably out of the spite of boredom or rebellion. It took him less than few days to turn himself into an outcast among the outcasts, which only drives me closer to analyse the complexity of his narcissistic wall of self defence. I gave him a physical challenge to lift a certain weight, he is a pretty skinny one, he didn’t like the challenge, but I am sure he will take it. He is a brainy guy, he hates to be questioned on unfamiliar ground. He won’t sleep at night thinking about it.  A challenge, in this first phase, can only bring me closer to the ease of his pains. To continue the observation.

It is a sad privilege of medicine, in particular the one I practice, to be able to witness the weaknesses of the human nature and the reverse side of life. Nevertheless, I oblige this same privilege of the study as life moves into shades of darkness. To be aware of it gives more solace to my soul than to be victim of patiently waiting for the inevitable unfolding of the events. To be able to understand more about psychology would bring more comfort and elevation to any human being, the times might not be there yet, but eventually something will move into the direction of a more wholesome approach.

Dinner meeting with Sara Howard, at the restaurant Jardin Des Cygnes, 7 pm sharp.  Do not expect to reach the dessert. Do not know if John will be participating due to undeniable tension among the two and the fatal despise of John over French cuisine.

The case that Sara unfolded tonight to my ears feels more and more like pulled out from some gothic book or from the mind of a Roman historian that needed to justify the godly origins of an Emperor. One killing, apparently random, a very constructed iconography over the body. Signs and insults, shapes and drawings. Is this a work of art? Does the killer wants his victim to be his Mona Lisa? His David? I am charmed and destabilised. If this was a murder like any other, then why to spend so much time into it? Based on the description the act of killing itself was quick: a sharp cut over the throat, almost like not wanting to ruin too much the surface to use as base for, what? I keep rerunning those symbols over and over as Sara described them to me, my mind is flooded with the designs of greek philosophers that needed to explain themselves why the sky is above our head and never collapses on us. Hilarious how, no matter the science advancement, in the mind of many the sky stands inevitably overt their shoulders, suffocates them, brings them to a death of the soul and not of the body. Is all this graphic charade indeed only a form to scream for attention?  To stress the eyes of an unaware viewer? It seems ridiculously elaborate, a scream for attention would be quick, it would be like guided by instinct, not reasoning, craftwork. Any man with a knife can paint in blood red the walls of a room and that’s asking for attention. That is the primal howl: look at me! I am here! But this one.  I don’t know yet.

Spent the early morning reading anew my copy of The Metamorphosis by Ovid. Didn’t touch it in a long time and I got bedazzled by the world of terrible sensuality, anger and selfishness of those gods and mortals. I think back at all the deviances and weaknesses of human kind and I try to relate it to all of those humanoid figures. Niki would be a minotaur, the lonesome son left in the labyrinth and his strive for success is his bull’s head. Or maybe a centaur, because of his wits and strategic thinking. I might keep up the process, maybe this is the way to understand my patients better, to understand the killer better. Must remember not to romanticise it. Greek gods were probably the first form of self indulging of a society that needed gods to be forgiving and allowing favours and punishments, but only in exchange of sacrifices. But the sacrifice never comes from the God’s will, but from the will of the man that perpetuates the act of killing. To sacrifice someone or something is the sadistic response to a lack of love deeply inherited in human mind that becomes neurotic. Is the killer giving the God of his own neurosis a body to feast upon? 

I talked with Jan this morning. The young boy is about 10, but he acts like a full grown adult. I could easily asses that’s the reason why he could challenge Steven in that fight. Two children mimicking adults situations they know too well. Jan is son of an industrial man, but he is also son of the dialectics of the industrial revolution. He sounds like he swallowed some of those books about working class rights and communism, probably pushed by a resentful surrounding (mother?uncle? the midwife?) over the social role of his father. As much as incredibly smart and lectured, Jan lost most of his early occasions in life by spending a considerable amount of time using his fists. The anger ever present in the young boy always surprises me, he seems to be holding a power, a strength of a full grown man in those tiny arms. Nevertheless, he is already the tallest of the group. He is surely an idealist, which makes him also tragically fragile. His strength mixed with his heart of gold can make him the best of the heroes or the worst of the villains. He apologised for the fight, he specified how he didn’t like the sound of Steven’s voice, more than the sound, the level of pitch.  I can’t stand somebody shouting orders, I just don’t listen anymore. He is so mature even about his own feelings, almost a gentleman in his chivalry toward the weaker children, honest with his open heart and resentful against any form of injustice.  I am not spared by his ways, he would come at me whenever he feels like I was being partial over some of the kids, his sense of justice blinds him and transform a perfectly balanced boy into a ranging animal.

Ordered book, to be delivered around tomorrow evening: Introduction à la méthode de Léonard de Vinci by Paul Valéry. Suddenly feeling myself as a gross ignorant in art themes. I always regarded myself aware of the artistic personalities and tendencies of present and past, but this new amount of perceptions over the human figure and the human body leads me to document myself more. I could ask John for advice, but he wouldn’t take things at matter that seriously. I can almost hear him say how I can make gruesome a pleasant topic such as art. I should probably wait to see the body to push any further aesthetic study, but I find myself not being able to stop. I reckon, I can allow myself a vice or two.

Today I saw the body of the killed man, courtesy of the Isaacson's. To be fair, I had underestimated it. In Sara’s descriptions, probably due to her more analytic mind, all the charm of the representation got lost in favour of a less cryptic and reasonable understanding of the act. Sara got what some alienists will call a masculine mind, which I don’t perfectly agree on. If I apply that same approach John would be a very feminine mind, all wrapped up in romanticising even the ugliest. I guess that dividing the world in “fragile and gentle” and “strong and powerful” is just easier to explain the fluctuation of something that doesn’t need a real name or a category like human inclinations on thoughts.  I got a feverish sense of patience by looking at the body. Each symbol traced with sapient slowness, dense of the time that the killer spent with the body. That is a work of hours, he had time and meaning. He had resources and was able to spend not less than the time he needed to reach, a vision? An ideal? A message? Is it the message meant to be understood? Am I supposed to unravel it or it is maybe just the way the killer communicates within himself? And if I do decifrate the code, will that bring me closer to him? Or to his next victim?

Reminder: ask John to replicate all the symbols on the bodies in the correct measure and order. It might be needed some hard convincing. Addition: scheduled meeting, his house, 3 pm.

It wasn’t a day like any other when I met you. Or maybe it was, and that’s why I got so struck by it and now I am here playing it over and over through what my memory clung on so desperately. In my own experience, life was often similar to swimming in a lake. Those rich, dense lakes in the north of (illegible cancelled word) were my father used to bring us during summer. I still feel the pull, the draw down toward the abyss. It ashamed me, in a way, the fear that such a simple feeling aroused in my young mind, unaware nevertheless, that such a feeling would follow me through all my existence. It was a prophecy and, like most of the prophecies, was a riddle. I cradle in my heart the charm of those days, the mindless happiness. The foolish feeling of freedom. Little I knew that freedom would be taken away from me that soon, that the body that used to navigate me over the dense waters, helping me to fight the haul toward the unknown, would become my own cage. That day. Today. The day where I met you, the day I was afloat.  The child gasping for air felt the wrench become a gentle push and now he is floating on his back over the scary waters of reality and malice. It gave me relief and it gave me terror, because since that very moment I knew that I would never be able to move on from the sight of you. From the feeling of your eyes lingering on me. From the smile you so easily shone upon me. From the whiff of imported perfume that hit me when you turned on side exploding that swan like neck. And nothing, not even my stern look, could dim that wave of hope that your sole presence washed over me. The abyss roars, calls me to a home of damnation and terror and curses my name and yet you repeated that hell-bound name of mine after me and I felt safe.

John told me so much about you, it feels like I have always known you.

The rope is gone from my neck, the guillotine won’t fall on me, I am spared, I am free.

I have read your latest article, I am thrilled to help with the case.

I am in disbelief.

Your voice.

Dr. Kreizler

How dare you? How dare you to come into my life, to appear, like a vision, mystical, in a way I despised at University when all those theology students talked about the divine. In this very moment I can’t recollect much of what you said, something about the case, about going with John at the obituary. It feels confusing, I feel overstimulated, my memory fails me, I am not sure anymore. I write these few lines and it is passed the hour of the witches and I wish, I demand, to never see you again, because life should never grant hope to a condemned man. 

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