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#what abt the ppl who can leave
general-cyno · 5 months
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sometimes I see manga panels or anime screenshots of luffy and zoro being silly and I'm hit with the reminder that zoro not only believes his dream/ambitions mean nothing without luffy but that he's said this out loud. to an enemy, no less, as he chose to exchange his life for luffy's. that luffy himself would lose his absolute shit if something bad ever happened to zoro and the reason why luffy tends to worry less about and rely more on him is bc he knows how strong zoro is, can and will be and the lengths he'd go to protect others, especially the people he cares about, since this part of zoro's character is exactly what ultimately convinced luffy to recruit him in the first place. that even though zoro's the one with the grand gestures it likely means so much to luffy, who experienced tragedy early on and is afraid of losing those he loves to the point he vowed to become strong just to avoid so, the fact that zoro's such a steady presence and force beside him - one he can count on to keep everyone, and luffy too, safe. insane levels of devotion and trust going on between two dudes who shower once a week.
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Hiii everyone, say, how do your Hawkes go go about sharing their estate? If they do it at all? Is everyone free to come and go or are they more private? Or do they only invite their LI to stay? I'm curious!! :)
#lay rambles#my ocs#oc: liam hawke#oc: lilian hawke#both my hawkes are very social w their friends but i love comparing their boundaries around it#theres variation in rules for specific ppl with both of them ofc but theres still general differences#with liam its all very open and everyone can p much come and go whenever#they dont get extra keys (theyll get lost and he doesnt want randos finding them lol) but they know where to find the spare key#and bodhan and sandal and orana know to let them in whenever#hes very lenient in this this regard but he does have rules abt what he does and doesnt want them to do#mostly its about not making too much of a mess lol bc liam prefers to clean himself#(he doesnt trust the crew with his household and also he has particular ways of doing things and Hates when theyre done differently)#so things like keep your dirty garb at the entrance dont cook by yourselves (this was banned after they did it one (1) time lol) etc#also no fucking allowed. do that somewhere else for the love of the maker he does NOT want to walk into that in his own house#(and it also comes back to liam not trusting them with cleaning but also Not wanting to clean that up lol)#also he is not fond of them going into his room uninvited. most of the house is chill but that is *his* space#he accommodates these rules by e.g. having spare slippers and a little washing basin in the entrance hall for dirty shoes/feet#always makes sure to have snacks in stock that he knows they like#food will have notes abt what to leave for leandra/orana/etc but otherwise food is prepared with his friends in mind#and in general he'll make sure to adjust the space/routine in little ways to accommodate them#(air out when fen isnt there cus he doesnt like drafts; keep curtains open cus anders prefers open spaces; etc)#lilian on the other hand doesnt like when her friends come into the estate without a heads up (cept for emergencies)#but once they have her 'ok' its basically mi casa es su casa#dont yknow. overdo it and get too rowdy but otherwise do whatever#however. she also expects everyone to clean up after themselves. she aint here to play maid and youre all adults#also liam has a general 'please try to not be too wild when leandra is here' and lilian doesnt#not cos she doesnt care but cos leandra is bothered by sth she can speak up herself#oh and lilian uses the basement space as temporary refuge for anyone who needs it (mostly escaped mages)#also side note: both offered gamlen to stay but he refused (out of pride/remorse)#...this got long and i ran out of tag space lmfao so this is it for now xD
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puppyeared · 2 months
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i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim
#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it#its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me#but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy#hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked#its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags#and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple#its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!!#and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!!#but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is#fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates#but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right'#fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on#yapping
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silenthillbunni · 2 months
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🌧️🫧💭
#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me#which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye#🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad#nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone#i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me#ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao#also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀#like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid#why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way#me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me#i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me#it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave#nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop#whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive#ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like#all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think#i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself#but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T#idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do#anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul#but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao#i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down#they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how#to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year#i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak#es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that#maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this
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nathanialhowe · 7 months
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that line of astarions where hes like "oh dont pout because you're not getting your sweet, cuddly astarion. i can't be the person you want me to be" in act 3 makes me go crazy wtf
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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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septimus-heap · 8 months
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Thinking abt the time travel fix it fic I have spinning around in my head. Unfortunately for it to work I have to kill off basically every single character of importance which is all well and good it just feels kind of brutal
#sep talks#septimus heap#like basically all the heap brothers die in mysterious accidents. Right up to the last couple who r just obviously shot#jenna dies in almost the same way her mother did. In the throne room and marcia and septimus r there and an assassin shows up#silas+sarah also. Why?? Idk maybe it's a birthday. Maybe it's bc they're trying to figure out how to keep septimus safe bc logically#he's next. But anyway this assassin is a little sneakier than the one that shot alther. No one sees them until the last second#sarah takes a bullet for jenna. It doesn't help bc jenna gets shot anyway a second later. Marcias in a panic trying to#get silas+septimus away. Silas refuses to leave bc he's basically lost everyone he loves most#he tells marcia he'll deal with the assassin when her shield goes down. And so she practically drags septimus away so at least she can#keep him safe#and. Bc there's no queen anymore. DD takes over. Marcia still has the amulet but they have no real way to get rid of dd#marcia very nearly ends up back in dn1 at one point. Like literally standing on the edge abt to fall#they keep trying to fix things but they just. Can't. Ppl end up seeing marcia as like. Not necessarily the eow who Failed#but she couldn't stop him from showing up so what could she possibly do now#it's more pity than blame and honestly to marcia that's worse#ppl keep dying and it's so much worse than when the custodian was in charge#and anyway yeah that's what makes marcia+septimus go for the house of foryx
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blooming-cecilia · 2 years
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hate that i love you so | venti/reader
summary: "Somewhere along the way, I found myself content in your company. Sure, you were still pretty annoying. Their chaos and yours can be irritating, but you were there and I could never find it in me to really push you away."
gn reader (lmk if i accidentally let smth slip so i can fix!), high school au, popular kid venti/not so popular reader, fluff, mild angst? an attempt at more lighthearted angst, i guess lol.  just silly teens trying to deal with silly feelings
notes: hs au with venti beloved, from yet another brainrot session with @tomaytow! the trope is a little cliché but it’s nice to indulge in clichés every now and then, isn’t it? enjoy!
likes and reblogs appreciated! <3
 The lunch bell rang, and students poured out of their classrooms to head to the cafeteria, loud chatter filling the hallways. You weaved through the crowd as swiftly as you could, heading into the opposite direction from everyone else.
 You were headed to the library, and while you would have loved to have lunch with your friends, right now you couldn't stand to be with them—or anyone else for that matter.
They were up to their usual antics, teasing you with Venti, one of the more popular kids who unfortunately gained an interest in you. He has been quite vocal about his attraction. It confused you greatly when he first started paying more attention to you but it quickly turned into annoyance, with him constantly pestering you with his babbling and hanging off of you like a leech.
 He’s captivated your entire class: your friends were his friends, and it seems that the same goes for every person he meets. Even the faculty! They’re all amused by his antics in trying to woo you, encouraging his shenanigans. (You can still hear the loud cheering and whistling from your class from when he asked you if you wanted to have lunch with him today, his treat!)
Everyone seems to see his charms… except for you.
You hear familiar footsteps clicking alongside your own, the sound growing louder as you briskly walk down empty hallways that lead up to the library.
 You abruptly stop walking, and you can hear his shoes skidding to a stop behind you.
An hour. An hour of peace, an hour away from him and everyone else is all I ask for. Is he really that desperate for my attention that he can’t leave me alone for one hour?  
 “Why do you keep following me around? I told you I didn’t want to have lunch with you didn’t I? Are you deaf?”
”But, Windblume, I just wanted to— “
”FINE!”
 “...huh?”
 “FINE, YEAH, OKAY, SURE! THERE. THAT’S WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR ISN’T IT? I’M YOURS NOW. YOUR PARTNER. NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP?”
 “...”
“So? What? Nothing to say?”
 “.…I don’t want you to say yes to me if you’re just forcing yourself to say that.”
”…What?”
”Windblume… do you really hate me that much? Can you really not stand my presence? Does seeing my face everyday disgust you that much, just as you say it does?”
 It’s your turn to be silent.
 That’s... not true, your mind immediately supplies. You don't hate his presence, per se.... Admittedly, there have been more times than you can count on your fingers where you can say that you don't find his company annoying. In fact, he's rather fun to be around. You acknowledge the nice things people said about his personality, because it's true.
 You’ve asked yourself the same questions too, why do you hate the idea of becoming his partner so much? Is it the attention? The teasing from every single person you know of in this place? The jealous glares of his own fan club, muttering profanities about you under their breath?
 Is it all worth it? To say no to him to avoid what others will say, think, and do when it comes to both of you? Can you really handle hurting someone who’s shown that he truly cares for you, clear as day?
 But before you can respond to him, you look up and find an empty hallway.
 ---
 He doesn't come to school the next day.
 Or the day after that.
 Nor the day after that, too.
 He didn't show up for a week.
 You told yourself you were going to apologize and be honest with him after that day, but how can you even talk to him if he's not even there?
 You're worried, and with his loud presence missing from the room, you constantly feel eyes on you again. Nothing new, but this time it feels more distressing, probing. Everyone likely knows that something happened between you both and given your past responses... you're sure they know.
 Now a villain in their eyes, perhaps.
 It's uncomfortable, but you couldn’t care less. Your mind is still on him, his words and your own echoing in that empty hallway.
 When he comes back after more than a week's absence, everyone gathers around him, various concerns and questions thrown at him about his well-being.
 He's trying his best to seem fine and act as usual but you know it's a lie. (When did you start reading him so well?)
 He used the crowds as walls keeping you from having a quiet moment with him. When he doesn't have them with him, he simply vanishes, out of sight.
 Finally, after multiple failed attempts, you catch up to him after classes, and grab hold of his wrist to keep him from leaving.
 "Venti, wait!"
 "A-ah... W-[Name]...! Hi, haha..."
 He called you by your name. Not Windblume.
 "Venti... please.... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you and say such mean things—"
 "No, no. I should be the one apologizing. I've been so pushy this entire time, haven't I? Constantly following you around, all the teasing... You don't like the attention and noise but I forced my feelings and reputation onto you. It's my fault, not yours. So I understand. Why you're always so  irritated and why you said that. I don't know how else to make it up to you, I'll do whatever you want if you have an idea, but I'll stay away from you from now on—"
 "Don't go."
 "...What?"
 "Don't go. You wanna know how you can make it up to me? Stay here."
 "Wait what, I don't get—"
 "You shouldn't even have to make it up to me... I'm the one at fault—no, don't you dare refute that. I made you upset enough that you couldn't show up to class for a week. I've been an ass, both for yelling at you and for not being honest."
 "I did find you annoying. I hate large crowds and loud noises and you always had those with you. You're loud enough on your own but with everyone else in the mix… it really was annoying. I avoided you because I just couldn't be bothered by the mess and the racket because I had better things to do than to get caught up in he middle of your crowd."
 "And it got worse when you started to take interest in me. Your attention constantly on me, every single day. Where you look, the crowd looks too. I couldn’t handle the attention, like you can. I hated it."
 He winces.
 "But I don't hate you."
 Surprised, his eyes meet yours, small glimmers of hope reflected in his gaze.
 "Their constant chattering was nothing but noise to me. But when I started listening in, I realized, what they say about you is true. Who wouldn't want to surround themselves with such a wonderful soul? You deserve all the attention and praise you get."
 "The more time I spent with you, I saw nothing but sunshine in your smile and laugh. You find me, even in places no one else knows. And I felt at ease when you sit by my side and hum as you strum your guitar. In quiet moments like that, it felt like you knew me better than anyone else ever did."
 "Somewhere along the way, I found myself content in your company. Sure, you were still pretty annoying. Their chaos and yours can be irritating, but you were there and I could never find it in me to really push you away."
 "And when the one time I finally did... I couldn't take it either. I yelled at you, made you leave for a while and it's like I’ve lost sight of the lighthouse and I'm left, lost at sea."
 You take his hand in yours, softly caressing your thumb over his knuckles.
 "It really only hit me then how much you meant to me already. I don't know when I started to care so much about you but I do. Neither do I know what I really feel for you… all I know is that I don't want you to leave my side."
 "So stay. Please."
He's silent for a moment before he lifts his gaze from your intertwined hands to look back at you.
 "To be honest with you Windblume... I never really wanted to leave in the first place."
 You snicker, "I know," and he follows, laughter echoing in the empty hallway.
 ---
 "Wiiiiiiiindbluuuuuumeeeee!"
 A loud voice disturbs the quiet murmurs of the room. It's early next morning, so people taking quick naps on their desks grumbled from the disturbance.
 Venti lets out a small apology, setting down his bag in his seat, before taking your hand, dragging you out the door and down the halls.
 "Venti! Where are we going?"
 He doesn't answer, instead leading you through twists and turns of various paths and halls.
 You get out of the building and find yourself led into a quiet area, near one of the school's many gardens.
 You find his guitar case leaning by a tree, and a bag of bright red apples next to it.
 He stops and turns, giving you a fond look before engulfing you in a big hug and squeezing. Snuggling his face into into the crook of your neck and breathing in your scent, he mumbles.
 "Mm, good morning Windblume... I missed you."
 You let out a sigh, a small smile on your lips as you wrap your arms around him, gently squeezing back.
 "’Morning, Venti. Why are we here so early?"
 He breaks away from the hug, taking an apple from the bag and holding one up to you, intertwining his free hand with yours.
 "Well... I thought maybe we can have some breakfast and a little relax time before class starts? I could sing you a new song I've been working on!"
 You laugh, take the apple from his hands and bite into it.
 "Do apples count as breakfast? Doesn't sound like a full meal to me~"
 "Well it is to me!!!"
 "Honestly I don't know how you get full from just apples for a meal..."
 He just giggles as he takes out his guitar from its case.
 "Alright! For my first song of the day..."
 ---
 When you come back to your classroom five minutes before class starts, no one makes any teasing comment.
 You can feel some looks on you, and some concealed smiles, but no one makes a single remark about you two coming back to the classroom together.
 You're confused, and Venti doesn't say anything either, just offering you a smile as he leads you to your seat, and heads to his own.
 The morning bell rings.
 ---
 Bonus:
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limielle · 6 months
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idk i feel like so much discourse could be easily minimized if people learned to say "i think" instead of "it is"
#like “i think this is a bad game” is way less abrasive/aggressive than “this is a bad game”#do u know where im going w this like#it's literally 2 extra words and it could avoid like 99% of confrontation#ofc there would still be people who are like “omg how can u hate smth i like ur trash” but idk i feel like so much of this discourse u see#on twt especially#is like ? just people being deliberately aggressive abt stuff they dont like to antagonise others and then going “its just my opinion”#and it's hard to read tone online so it's often hard for me (and im sure for others ?? idk actually) to read whether or not sm1 is being#like. just sharing what they think vs them trying to bait out people who will defend smth they like#idk ive been trying to find ffxiv people to follow bc getting back into the game and finally being confident in my art to draw for it also#has me looking for ppl to follow but i wanna avoid the big livetweet first time experiencers and unfortunately that leaves#a lot of people who are afraid of dawntrail/unhappy with the current patch quests#of which i am neither and i also dont want to log on to the internet every day just to see ppl shitting on things u know ?#and i have seen a LOT of like#'x sucked' and 'fandom lacks critical reading skills' and whatnot#but then u see what theyre talking abt and all theyre doing is shitting on the game itself or going 'x expansion was mid'#like . if u stopped phrasing ur opinions as objective fact i feel like maybe ud avoid half those arguments id k???#just words#SORRY im talkative today the truth is i worked on a drawing veyr hard and i do not have the strength to colour it but it will not look good#without colour and i feel like i cant move on without it so i went and replayed shadowbringers instead and cried a lot#and now i have lots of icarus feelings again#WOW loiok at me writing an essay out here i overshare so much im sorry
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airbenderedacted · 1 year
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deathstar shippers stop going out of ur way to tell me you hate dominator being a lesbian and that you’re homophobic asf challenge (impossible, apparently)
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#(cw: put under a read more for homophobia & transphobia 😬)#LITERALLY went ''lemme say the quiet part out loud'' BRO THIS IS LIKE THE 6TH(????) TIME I'VE HAD SUCH AN ENCOUNTER#except i will say that this is the first time it wasn't unprovoked. i did @ them first to ask why they were leaving replies on my posts-#-saying hater's crush on dominator is creepy bc they 'look like they have an age gap' meanwhile they've liked AND MADE#-comments elsewhere shipping her with men that are way WAY older than her and sometimes visibly so like. hater and her are the same agegroup#so i was like. what is going on here huh??? ANFD THEN THEY JUST SAY THIS SHIT why am i ever surprised anymore lmao#shout out to this person for adding transphobia to their shittiness for Spice ig /s 🙄 eugh...#i should've seen it coming bc they were referencing a page on the woy wiki THAT USES STEVENSON'S CORRECT NAME & PRONOUNDS#AND YET THEY WERE ADAMANT ON USING HIS DEADNAME AND SHE/HER PRONOUNS LIKE.. I SHOULD'VE EXPECTED THIS I SHOULD'VE EXPECTED THIS but still 🤢#i dont ever wanna stop giving ppl the benefit of the doubt but oh my god do These people test me. every time. goes like this Every Single T-#on god only like twice or smthn have i seen [REDACTED] shippers be like.. very decent to me and literally just ignorant#and they were from here and i just ask them to not interact bc it makes me uncomfortable and they're like i dont get it but ofc#and i never see them again#AND THEN EVERY OTHER PERSON WHO IS INTO THIS SHIT I HAVE *EVER* COME ACROSS#FUCKING JUST... JUMPS INTO MY MENTIONS OUT OF NOWHERE. LITERALLY I DONT EVEN?? DO ANYTHING I DONT GO NEAR THEM BRO#THEY FUCKING SNIFF ME OUT OR SOME SHIT FOR HAVING A DNI ON OTHER SITES AND GO#''OH SO YOU THINK I'M WRONG FOR HAVING TO REIMAGINE GAY/LESBIAN CHARACTERS AS STRAIGHT SO I CAN ENJOY THEM?'' LIKE- WTF? YES? IT IS#also i kid you not this is an actual thing someone has gone out of their way to look me up and yell at me over for like an hour straiught#on twitter. it was unhinged. like they were convinced straight ppl are oppressed any time gay characters exist#bc gay characters existing makes them unlikable and unrelatable and unconsumable to straights like damn ok if u feel that way die abt it?#it's just so unhinged like bruh GO AWAY LMAO??? SHUT UP! I DONT CARE LITERALLY JUST KEEP UR FREAK BIGOT SHIT TO URSELF GET OUT#again that specifically doesn't apply to this person who technically WAS @ by me first bc i was like.. hey... hey what's going on here HUH#but oh my god they turn out to be vocally homophobic every single time. i was always hoping i was like...#over generalizing these people as being fucking homophobic just bc 1) the vibes r always like that 2) it's faster to say#BUT OH MY GOD THEY REALLY ARE HOMOPHOBIC AS A WHOLE WHAT THE FUCK I LITERALLY ALWAYS WENT OUT OF THE WAY TO BE LIKE aint no way ahah BUT NO?#BRO???? GET OUT OF HERE THIS SHOW IS NOT FOR YOU Y'ALL ARE CREEPS#THEY FEEL SO EMBOLDED TO SAY THE QUIET PART OUT LOUD EVERY SINGLE TIME WITHOUT PROMPTING. I ALWAYS MAKE FUCKING SURE TO NOT ACCUSE BIGOTRY#AT MOST I'LL JUST BE LIKE yeah so straightwashing is a thing that's homophobic so don't do that IF ANYTHING. I NEVER CALL THE PERSON THAT#AND EVERY TIMEEEE THEY JUST GO MASK OFF WITH ''BTW I DONT LIKE THE GAYS'' I OEIUFKGEJRHGUKJDFS EVERY TIME EVERY TIME WTFFFFF#usually being right about things is epic. not this THIS IS JUST.. GWORLS WHAT HE FUCK
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yourheartinyourmouth · 4 months
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i fucking hate my life.
one of the other tenants has been constantly turning the heat up to EIGHTY even though it hasn’t dipped below 40. this lead to the heating bill for the unit being like, $300 more than the rest of the boarding house.
so, since we are apparently untrustworthy children and not adults who can be reasoned with, the landlord came while tenant was at work and put one of those plastic locking boxes over the thermostat. tenant came home ranting and screaming, calling husband and me bitches repeatedly, yelling abt how he always gets the mail (?), screaming about how we went behind his back to the landlord (we didn’t), and then SLAMMED his door as hard as he could.
screaming and door slamming are so fucking triggering for me. i had a melt down verging on anxiety attack.
i absolutely Do Not Feel Safe Here.
#but it’s not like we can leave 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#THIS IS WHAT WE MEAN WHEN WE SAY POVERTY IS FUCKING VIOLENCE#and of course we’re the only ppl we know who are struggling#so it’s not like we even have anyone to talk about how much it fucking blows to be poor#our friends all have houses and good jobs and multiple partners and vacations and social lives#and it’s so fucking alienating to have None Of That#it’s so fucking alienating to be like ‘oh u bought a house/had a kid/got a promotion/whatever#cool. i can’t afford groceries and i’ve been on one (1) vacation in 17 years#but tell me more abt how amazing ur life is yeah totally i love this#it gets harder 2 congratulate ppl on their successes when u have Nothing#when success seems to mock u by its absence#i run out of money between paychecks but tell me more abt ur bonus#i’m struggling to pay back the IRS for basic taxes but tell me more abt ur giant house#i hate myself i hate my life#and husband is like ‘I’m not gonna let Tenant scare u like this!’ ok??? ur never here#and if u confront him he will just wait til u r gone and confront ME#fuck#i hate everything#i’m so fucking tired of being poor.#I HAVE A FUCKING DEGREE WHY CANT I GET A FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!!#but I don’t have a car so I literally can’t get a job 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#how do u get a job when there is so little pub transit and everything is 5 towns away#how do u get a job in the us w/o having or being able to afford a car#jokes on me u don’t
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ostwitchsheart · 5 months
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Sorry to start complaining but its my tumblr
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britneyshakespeare · 2 months
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I don't even think of David Copperfield as a Victorian novel. I think of it like it's the Peanuts or the Simpsons
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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