#when i stop being sad about him

[abuckygirlarchive]

Bucky Barnes in Captain America: Sentinel of Liberty 

#alternatively captioned #bucky barnes in his female gaze era #bucky barnes learns manbuns are also a weapon of mass destruction #bucky barnes and the Smoulder #hot girl summer 2k22 ft. bucky barnes #bucky barnes pretends to be daddy when he's actually still baby #a single strand of bucky barnes' hair is prettier than my entire face #call him the Waiter Soldier because of all the looks he's serving #ok that's all #Bucky Barnes #captain america #Sentinel of liberty #compilations #comics #i'm gonna do a steve compilation too #when i stop being sad about him

[cuoredimuschio]

okay, but where's my steddie AU where steve wants to learn to play guitar to impress a girl he's infatuated with and he remembers that munson kid was always hanging up posters for his weird band at school, so he hikes out to eddie's usual dealing spot behind the track and asks (with far less groveling than he really should have) if eddie will teach him how to play, and obviously eddie says no because why would he want to help king steve, but of course, steve offers to pay him, $20 a week, and well, that's the kind of get-the-hell-out-of-this-shithole-town cash eddie really can't afford to refuse, so fine, he'll teach steve to play and they'll spend inordinate amounts of time together tucked away in eddie's room and they'll start to see that they have more in common than they thought and that they kind of had each other all wrong, and eddie will put his hand over steve's to help him get the placement for a tricky chord and it totally won't awaken anything in either of them?? where is it??

edit: i started writing it

#steve x eddie #steddie #stranger things #someone tell me this has already been written because i need it. please. #bonus points if steve shows up to the first practice session empty-handed #and eddie nearly calls the whole thing off when he has the Audacity to grab at eddie's sweetheart as if eddie'd ever let him play her #and he doesn't even teach steve anything that day because rule number one get your own fucking guitar and keep your mitts off mine #but by the end when eddie is deep deep deep in love and it's time to send steve off to woo this lucky girl of his #he offers to let steve take his sweetheart because she's guaranteed to make him look ten times hotter and cooler #and he'll have no trouble sweeping his girl off her feet and maybe eddie's breaking his own heart but it's fine—as long as steve's happy #except steve doesn't seem nearly as happy as eddie thought he would be #he seems sad actually and eddie kind of hates that so he starts to make some lame joke about how steve should be honored #because eddie wouldn't lend his baby out to just anyone and that gets steve to crack half a smile #but then he puts the guitar down on eddie's bed (with all due gentle reverence) walks over takes eddie's face in his hands and kisses him #kisses him like he's been dying to do it for weeks. because he has #because somewhere along the line it stopped being about wanting to impress a girl and started being about wanting to be with eddie #it started being screwing up on purpose so that eddie would grab his hands and show him how it's supposed to be done #and forgetting about lessons entirely and just sitting around and listening to eddie talk or just watching him play #because somewhere along the line steve fell out of infatuation and into love with the last person he ever expected.... #anyway idk where i'm going with this

[chloecherrysip]

We're going to save your brother.

#mario movie #mario movie spoilers #super mario bros #super mario bros movie #super mario bros movie spoilers #princess peach #mareach #cherrysip edits #I FEEL LIKE THIS MOMENT DID NOT GET THE ATTENTION AND APPRECIATION IT DESERVED ON HERE #man i could write you an essay about this #i do think that the 'i'm not afraid! i'll do anything for my brother' line actually ISN'T said during this scene - it's probably earlier #but that this line IS in the right place (peach's mouth movements match) #which means that scene is going to break me because it just seems like a very vulnerable sweet moment between them #where peach and mario get to talk about the situation they're in and their fears and how big the stakes are for both of them #peach fighting to protect her kingdom and her subjects - the immense pressure on her to stop bowser because of her role as a leader #and mario desperately trying to save his brother - not knowing if luigi is ok or not and not being able to keep him safe is so painful #i think that's why mario doesn't have his hat on - the adventure is starting to weigh on him and he opens up to peach for the first time #about him and luigi and their closeness and how he CAN'T lose his brother he CAN'T let him down when he needs him more than ever #and peach reassures him and it means the world. even in this quick clip there's something a little sad about his face #but also there's relief and gratefulness to her for saying that. they're the absolute sweetest :) :) :) #i could be off base but that really does seem like the vibe of this scene from what we've seen and i am ALL ABOUT IT

[lwiann]

Ik gorts attractiveness is like controversial but i never found him ugly like most people do and i was just neutral to him for the longest time bc i felt like act 3 was lacking over all anyway, but thats a different topic. Although now that I think about it, Im kinda glad he looks like that and I love his facial features. He's very fun to draw. I think he's very unconventionally attractive. I just wish it translated better to my art style because sometimes I look at it and im like... I could make him rougher. I'm learning though. Its difficult coming from 2 years of genshin art to suddenly realistic faces with wrinkles and all 😂

#personal #yall i want this man in ways that is dangerous to society #i need to put him in a box and shake him violently #liking him is still very controversial i think. personally i just like him (and durge) being irredeemable evil people #but if durge can get a redemption #i think gortash isnt beyond that granted durge was probably worse when he was at his peak #if i didnt have my durge playthrough i wouldnt have been interested in him #which sucks because now w my knowledge of his character #hes very interesting and complex! #i need an upper city expansion so bad but i will stop thinking about it because it makes me sad

[ganondoodle]

back on my zelda thoughts

idk about you but i got sick of zelda running after people with big sorrowful puppy eyes begging them to listen to her(they wont) or to help link in totk pretty fast

#ganondoodles talks #totk spoilers #i just can stop thinking about how dirty she got done #she can be a tragic character without being constantly sad and scared #dare i say she contributed more positive to the game when she was a dragon #the only scenes she didnt look super sad was pretty much when talking about link at the teacup memory bc .. you know she actually knows him #and where shes essentially forced to decide to half kill herself in order to do literally anything for her own time #now that im thinking about it how the heck did anything on the tutorial even work with her giving her powers to you #and you sending the master sword to her #just feels like they scrambled to somehow get you her pwoers and the mastersword to her #some random bubbles of time magic idk lol #if the game went different #wouldnt it have been cool if those had been caused by zelda learning how to reastablish a connection to her own time #creating those weird time bubbles #and through the course of the game you find more and they let you interact with her more and more as shes learning how to use her powers #until at some point she finds a way to return herself #maybe even her spirit as a companion for a time before she gains control of it further #you know so she can actually at least TALK to you #giving her time powers out of nowehre and then not doing anything with it exept send her back in time somehow and time reverse a dagger #like what #wouldnt it just have made more sense when at first she did it unknowningly and then learned how to use it herself #and then .... well travel back again #ham fisted way to introduce a neat lil game gimmick i guess #and nothing more bc how dare she do anything on her own except .. sacrifice herself lol #i guess its meant ot be uwu tragic bc sonia got fridged too quickly for zelda to learn from her or whatever #which is why i said she learns on her own #idk man this game is driving me nuts

[goldensunset]

surprise art attack!!! here’s @deityofhearts ‘s cashmere, everyone’s favorite whimsical tiefling

#pose taken directly from the kikuomiku4 album cover bc i’ve been listening to UFO on repeat for idk how many days now #finally gave me the inspiration i needed to do something like this it’s like both sad and super whimsical #actually tbh it gives me more wishful vibes now that i think about it but 1. idk what wishful looks like and 2. cashmere design my beloved #kikuo just in general has a lot of whimsysad and/or fundark which is why i love him #tbh ufo has quickly shot up to one of my fave songs it’s the iconic accordion and the tempo being unstable in places #uh anyway ignore me being a kikuo nerd again #wahhh this was fun to work on it has consumed me these past three days #jumping up and down hehehehehe #glad i finally cut to the ‘it’s done *collapses*’ stage of the arting process bc i’ve been having trouble finishing pieces lately #man i WISH i could come up with poses this good on my own. idc i’m still proud of this #my art #ok yeah i just got the time total. 12 hours #i knew it would be a long time but i didn’t think that long #tbh a lot of that was spent inefficiently bc i kept having to resize the image up when i realized the pixels were too crunchy #and when you make an image bigger the lines get blurry so then you have to redo them. yeah i had to do that TWICE. like a dummy. #12 hours used to be like par for the course for me but i’ve finally gotten faster. or maybe i’ve just stopped doing as many full figures #lol

[zaynes-left-chesticle]

Okay I just read Zayne's "Still in Dark" anecdote, and now I'm crying and also my jaW IS ON THE GROUND, WHAT IN THE FUC-

----

enjoy the tags, I just needed to vent....

And I'm scared 🤣

#hoooooly shit when i tell you i was confused about the timeline before ... ash.exe has officially stopped responding #semi spoiler alert/ me venting.... youve been warned #ARE WE NOT REAL IN HIS DIMENSION? Are we just pulling a freaking spongebob and showing up in his dreams? #im scared somebody hold me. im freaking crying cuz that was so sad but also SERIOUSLY WTFFFF IS GOING ON #love and deepspace #okay im done screaming im sorry #but seriously.... there is so much happening i dont know whats real and what isnt. #i wanted to think Tower of Thorns was just AU but now with the whole growing jasmine parallel and Linkon City being years in the past....? #ffs i need some theories cuz im just sending myself down a rabbit hole trying to decide what's going on #like what? am i just popping up in zaynes dreams to save him from loneliness while he helps me save the universe from getting access to my #and pops up in Raf's life to rescue him after losing everything while he also magically helps me save the universe from the aether's power #and Xai/Lumiere who's what... like 300+ years old somehow knows who i am? #WHO AM I? some dimension-jumping dream-hopping timeline-skipping superhuman with the core strength of 10000 suns and i don't even remember? #i need to read the rest of Xai's lore.... #anyways welcome to the end of the tags. i hope you had fun. if you made it this far.... i am so sorry 🤣

[nerosdayinanime]

drawing my au sabitos- this ones swap au :)

I only really have 1 full scene for this au- and it started from me thinking him & Shinjuro both being depressed drinking buddies, lamenting about their deceased dark-haired beauties

When Sabito became a pillar he turned the water estate into a sort of training hub for all breath of water users, to try and help more people to mastery. He pretty regularly spars with people in his downtime, makes comments and tries coaching people from the sidelines very often

Most people are kinda weirded out by him- hes aggressive and stern, very snarky, but he never takes off the mask and it makes him look perpetually sad- sometimes he has this air of melancholy around him, listless, the mask fits in better when hes in those moods. But aside that hes usually very kind and genuinely tries to look out for the skayers under his roof, very hospitable as long as they stay out his shit.

So hes very well received, but no one has seen his face- ever. They have all kinds of rumors and theories about why he wears it, what his face looks like, what the mask is even supposed to mean. Some of the more daring(/disrespectful/immature) inahbitants try to sneak a look in the mornings before he puts it on- but he's always wide awake, sightless blue eyes of the mask staring them down from an inch away the moment they open it

Anyways, one day he's out in the yard sparring with a higher ranked slayer in front of a group doing their own training and whatnot too- theyre both intensely into it, movements hard to keep track of and training swords clashing so loud it echos in the area. The slayer accidentally aims at his mask, the mood changes with a sudden pressure in the air when Sabito deflects the swing and reaches towards them in a flash- a harsh grip in their hair and yanking them so theyre centimeters from his face

"Don't touch the fucking mask."

Everyone drops dead silent at the utter malice dripping through his tone, a moment passes as Sabito realizes what he did and lets go of their hair. He gently ruffles it and straightens his back instead of posturing over them

"I deeply apologize. ...I think i should call it a day." he says in an uncharictaristically quiet voice before putting his training sword up and going to his room

NO ONE bothers him for the rest of the day, or the day after, they give him plenty of space and try their best not to prod at him or tick him off like they usually do- the slayer who was sparring w him was scared shitless and tries their damndest to stay out of his way and not piss him off again. They've never seen him genuinely angry like that- he gets pissed off and annoyed plenty, daily even, but that sudden cold fury over the near hit of his mask was terrifying to witness.

#neros art tag #sabito #kny sabito #water pillar swap au #sabito bewoved :) #he became a pillar at the cusp of shinjuro ditching the hashira meetings altogether & was like just in time to become drinking buddies w hi #theyre quiet and dont talk abt themselves much even if they have Opinions abt eachother #shinjuro thinking hes tragic bc hes like. 17-18 drinking w an alcoholic on his days off and being as sad as he is at such a young age #meanwhile sabito thinks hes a sack of shit shirking his duties as a slayer to bringe drink & abuse his kids bc he thinks its all for nothin #They Do Not Talk About That #Kyojuro however loudly proclaims that he thinks sabito's a fucking weirdo being drinking buddies with his fucking DAD #Mitsuri just thinks its really sad and tries to cheer Sabito up whenever she sees him when hes sober & not planning to Not Be #he really appreciates it and eventually he accepts her invitations to food sometimes (w kyojuro of course) #first time they go Kyojuro gets mad @ him bc he ordered a drink for his food and he went full sass back at em #'unlike your father- i have the discipline to stop after 1 drink just to enjoy the flavor with my food.' he refrains from buying any #alcohol around them after that- which krojuro notices- and he kinda settles down abt sabito bc he also notices that he really is discipline #about everything he does- and hes actually pretty nice to chat with when hes not being sadboy silent drunk #Mitsuri develops a leeetle bit of a crush on him but kinda knows its *never* gonna be reciprocated bc of whoever #the mask and red haori originally belonged to #(also one time at brunch they ask abt his scar & the mask since he has to have it up some to eat #'its not related if thats what you're thinking- i couldnt care less about my face -but the mask is very important to me' with a little frow #he takes a bite and they politely stopped talking about the dead. Shinjuros the only one whos seen his entire face aside from Urokodaki tho #edit: fixed the hand it doesnt make me wanna cry anymore 👍

[orcelito]

I think smth that gets me about the way a lot of the fandom woobifies Vash is that like... so many of them erase his anger? They make him a soft and sweet doormat who never gets angry Ever, and that's just objectively not true, EVEN IF we're just talking about tristamp Vash. He's definitely softer spoken in tristamp than the other versions, but we still see him get angry!! We see him Yell!!! And these people ignore that!

Then when you consider 98 Vash and ESPECIALLY trimax Vash. Bro is genuinely furious like Any time he is dealing with #Situations. He gets angry. He yells. And he's genuinely tempted to kill people in anger (as we see with Monev).

It's just plain mischaracterization when people make him so soft and sweet and Never Angry. And we all know exactly why people characterize him like this.

#speculation nation #it's bc so many ppl r just not normal about trans people lol #like man i love the widespread trans vash headcanons but Man the weird characterizations it often brings... #it is. vexing. my perpetual curse. i will always be annoyed by it. #sometimes i think about when i started writing 3gun fic w stampede vash and i had him Angry in even the first chapter #and i was so anxious about it being mischaracterization bc so many people write him so soft #then i looked back at canon and i was like. '.... no this IS in character. he WOULD be angry. what are YOU guys doing?' #and now with my manga fic i am just continuously writing him angry bc he IS. he is SO angry. #and so tired and so sad etc etc like theres more to it and all but like #you cant take the anger out of vash. it's an important part of who he is. #that 100% justified anger at his life and circumstances and Everything #he is not a doormat. stop writing him like one. im begging you.

[warlordfelwinter]

fucked up in the club thinking about how the elpis flower turns hope colored when everyone is excited about the warding scales but the moment the wol is alone in their room it's black again. and how only a few hours with their friends have it blazing so brightly colorful again

#presumably green is happy color #just the way it's always dark when fiver is alone with it #he's so.........hermes coded #the difference is he has friends he can trust and lean on and who understand him i suppose #instead of just telling him to try yoga or simply stop being sad #anyway now i'm just thinking about fiver trying to hide the flower when its black #one of the scions getting a peek at it #realizing it only lights up colorful when there's other people around and the group emotion is overriding fiver's #i mean they all already know he's depressed that became Extremely Obvious in shadowbringers #fel's ffxiv #endwalker lb #oc: fiver

[femmesandhoney]

oh you definitely can't underestimate how homophobic people are... there's a singer i follow and i remember the time he recommended a movie and then the fans found out its a movie about a gay male couple. for at least a couple weeks the comments under anything related to him were full of self-identified fans going "how could he do this to us" "there are hundreds of thousands of women who would kill to have his children and he does this" "we are doomed as a society" "how can he call himself a man" "i can't support this". all from american zoomers. i can't imagine what would happen if a world class celebrity with a cult following came out in this day and age with social media being a thing if a movie rec from a honest to god not so popular guy gets people acting up like this

jesus thats terrible, can't even rec movies now, homophobia is so pervasive

#i also recall colten haynes when he came out more publically he revealed how intensely his managers and stuff told him to hide his sexuality #for the sake of his career #and he said he stopped getting casted in roles after he came out #and this dude is super conventionally attractive and whatnot like you'd imagine he the profile of a lot of roles! and hes a decent actor #being outwardly gay and proud of it in hollywood is just considered a death sentence :/ its very sad! and this is just for minor actors #again think of miss taylor at the top of the world #she definitely doesn't want to risk her reputation and fame crumbling sadly #also important to note this similarity but theres lots of rumors of taylor being more open about her sexuality before she started her career #and similar to colton he was also actually open about being gay before trying to be an actor #like it wouldn't surprise me at all if Taylor was told from the get go to hide that part of her as much as possible

[writterings]

so tonight starts the first night of me living alone in a farmhouse for a full month. bthe closest town in 15 minutes away (and is also the town they filmed friday the 15th in) and i'm gonna have to both clean the house and take care of some animals. but! luckily my cousin only lives 15 minutes away (not in the town) so we can hang a lot and i can get her husband to teach me how to do work on cars and how to play guitar or smth :3

#im lowkey sad about leaving my brother at home esp since we're in the middle of watching a show together #but tbh he's been a straight up dick lately to me so fuck him lol #like i GET IT he wants to spend as much time as possible with his girlfriend I GET IT #but if you say we're gonna have a night to just smoke and watch as much of our show as we want #DONT COME HOME AT 11 PM AND THEN STOP AFTER 3 EPISODES JUST SO YOU CAN CALL YOUR GF AFTERWARDS #OR AT LEAST GIVE ME A HEADS UP BC I WILL UNDERSTAND!! AND DONT BE RUDE TO ME WHEN I TEXT YOU A MEME BC IM APPARENTLY INTERUPTTING TIME WITH #UR GF WHO YOUVE SEEN EVERYDAY THIS WEEK LIKE LITERALLY YOU DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO RESPOND TO ME IF IT WAS THAT MUCH OF AN ISSUE #anyways. yeah glad to get some space from him and also i'm gonna start making him pay more for his cut of weed. #also he said he didn't want to hang with me on my birthday so he's legit just being a dick #anyways #rant over #lonely farmhouse time :)

[sskk-manifesto]

(´･ᴗ･ ` )

#I really like the “We're the bad guys' enemy” line. For someone I generally despise Dazai has all my favourite lines in this show… #Idk I can't really vibe with the unbalance that there is between s/kk. #Like when push comes to shove‚ Dazai has the power to keep Chuuya alive or let him die. #I understand why they make a compelling dynamic in their complexity‚ but it just doesn't do it for me. #I'm a little sad my opinion on them hasn't really changed since I watched the anime for the first time... #Also; I really can't vibe with Chuuya allowing Dazai to kill Q. Yes I know Chuuya cares about his comrades deeply. #Yes I know it can be interpreted as Chuuya seeing himself in Q as a living weapon and being disgusted by it #(though I honestly don't think that was intentional of the author). #Yes I know Chuuya is a mafioso and kills people. No I don't think your personal issues justify you being a dick to other people I'm sorry. #Back to my main annoyance with the episode: I must have already talked about this but I hate hate hate the narrative #“the mafia works for the city” “the mafia deeply loves the city too” it's so so sickening and insulting please stop I'm begging. #Please visit any actual city with a rooted mafia presence for once in your life (signed: someone whose hometown was destroyed by the mafia. #The writers really don't know what they're talking about and‚ politely‚ it's offensive.) #Also b/sd keeping being extremely nationalist with Mori (who's largely depicted unsimphatetically for the first part of the episode)– #bringing up western thinkers and subtly mocking Fukuzawa for not knowing them– #and Fukuzawa (the righteous man. the noble spirit and just soul in this episode and Mori's antithesis)– #stepping forward to say that he knows strategists from the east (because who else would he need?) #I don't know if it's meant to symbolize the conflict with an hostile and invading foreign power (the Guild). #But it does come across as. A very isolationist way of thinking. #I know it's subtle but it's really evident for me. And I didn't want to talk about this any further… #But by bringing actual examples of this I hope I can better explain why I think that b/sd holds nationalist views– #and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything #That's it. I feel like I've been losing a lot of mutuals over my main recently due to not shutting up (sorry) #so I suppose it's only fair I lose them on here too pffttt. #Tune in next week for more bad takes #random rambles

[chloecherrysip]

Every time Mario is visibly concerned/worried about Luigi in the trailers/TV spots/sneak peeks/etc shown so far.

#mario movie #mario movie spoilers #super mario bros movie #super mario bros #super mario bros movie spoilers #cherrysip edits #LOOK...this is not a very good gifset #i am working with tiktok videos and recordings of television screens here haha #BUT!!! i couldn't get the idea out of my head of compiling all of this and i spent so much time on these gifs that now i HAVE to post them #also i know the text could look better but i am not very good at that yet please be gentle with me!!! #a couple more caveats: i may have forgotten something and also the context of these clips could very well be misleading #these are basically scenes where the trailers/tv spots make it APPEAR as though mario is reacting about luigi but i could be wrong #with all of that out of the way: LOOK AT THIS MAN. THIS SAD WORRIED VERY SMALL MAN. GIVE HIM HIS BROTHER BACK #like many people i was also worried when it became clear that mario and luigi were going to spend a lot of this movie apart #and i'm sure there will be stretches of time where mario is caught up in the adventure #but just the fact that luigi seems VERY front of mind for mario throughout hurts my feeble little heart #he isn't going to stop he's going to do whatever it takes until his little brother is safe and back beside him #(also: i hadn't seen that 'this guy's brother is going to DIE' clip in a long time and the FACE JOURNEY that mario goes on there continues #to be SO incredible and funny. he genuinely looks very pissed off at toad after the initial shock wears off. AND I WONDER WHY) #(especially now that we know this is the second time toad makes a comment about his brother dying and/or being lost forever!!!) #(MARIO WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DIDN'T!!!!!)

[spider-xan]

Thinking again about how I really liked the moments Harry and Curt had with each other in the game - their interactions in the EMF scene above, the mission to try and save him at the abandoned zoo, etc. - but that I also wish that relationship had gotten more development onscreen, especially before everything goes wrong with the symbiote.

#xan's spidey meta #curt connors #harry osborn #they never interact in the comics #and they have so many interesting parallels in this game #especially when you remember the interview where they mention the lizard being curt's counterpart to the symbiote #even if they technically were referring to peter in that context #also the back and forth btw curt taking care of harry and harry trying to save him #and how that ends with curt being unable to save harry #and reluctantly having to accept that harry has to be killed to stop venom #and i'm sad we don't get his reaction to peter and miles stopping venom and saving harry #and i suspect he's not returning in the next game if harry has a new doctor in the ending #also just the interesting aspect of how norman plays into their relationship #and how curt has to take care of his son while being unable to care for his own #idk there are just so much interesting things to think about #even if their relationship wasn't as developed as it could have been #i didn't mean to write an entire essay in the tags #but here we are lol #insomniac spider man

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit