#which I do not

[catharticscream]

Not to sound like Alanis Morissette but it's ironic that I work at an art school so much that I hardly ever have time to actually make art.

#unless you consider spreadsheets art #which i do not

[servenas-inner-fangirl]

My E-Mail: Your package from Ikea will arrive soon!

Me: I ordered something from Ikea??

#I really should be banned from online shopping when I have too much free time #I start getting all sorts of ideas #in my defense most of it is useful #but maybe I don't need to buy everything at once?? #but that would require me to have patience #which I do not #also how many extension cords can one person need

[barbieaiden]

scene built now all that's left to do is spend 5 more days posing rendering and editing

#it's a little dark again i'll fix it sometime lmao #oh also haven't added specular maps to everything that needs it but i'll figure it out as i go i think that works better for me #i somehow managed to break my dialogue into only 10 parts in my notes but. i seriously doubt i'll fit it on 10 images #for some reason i thought that i had 18 images worth of dialogue #which i do not #i think i'm mixing it up with my 1000 word argument. which is future me's problem #but that's a pretty pivotal moment so i think it's actually fine if it's a bit longer and maybe i can figure out #some visually nice way to fit more dialogue into each image until then #we're still at the setting up the story stage so i feel like it's not really necessary to have so so many renders and so so much dialogue #maybe

[theteaisaddictive]

jesus christ how many fucking times have i redone this readmore

i don't think it means anything that every six to eight months i end up having another long 'am i lesbian or am i still bisexual' crisis. i think that's a very normal thing to do.

#what does it mean what does it all mean dot gif #personal #like the data points so far are: #crushes on boys all through primary and secondary school #desire to kiss best friend in s5 which triggered the 'i'm bi' realisation #4 year ldr with a woman #one bad date with a man i had no chemistry with #three dates with a girl i quite liked but not enough to go any further #two dates with a woman i quite like and we'll see how things go from there #and chatting with a woman that i also quite like but the vibes are feeling more platonic if i'm honest #like it's very much casual dating but also i. don't really feel the desire to try and date a man rn #WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN DOT GIF #i love being bisexual. but also. there is much to consider #the lesbian masterdoc is a good resource but it also assumes you have some experience dating men #which i do not #there's things in it about attraction to men which don't reflect my experience #but then there's other things which very much DO #AAARRRGGHH

[kakusu-shipping]

I spent a lot of Splatfest just finding and staring at baby jellies.

#Emile's Arts #Jel La Fleur #There were more panels of this but it was all just a bunch of staring at baby Jellies eating Dumplings #La Fleur watching me stare at children thinking I want children VS me talking myself in and out of getting a dumpling #Don't get it twisted he also does not want children he's just willing to discuss it if I did #Which I do not #Jelly babies are cute but have you BEEN to Museum d'Alfonsino? #There's a background jelly there chasing like 4 unranglable baby jellies and I think about them daily #peak character design tho is the baby jellies of Splatoon 3 seeing them dance during splatfest was amazing

[thebewilderer]

Tfw you start memorizing a poem without actually looking at its length and you get about halfway through it before realizing it's only 15-17 stanzas instead of the twenty-something you'd anticipated

So instead of testing your memory like you'd wanted, you're just memorizing another party trick

#15-17 depending on whether you count the coda #which i do not #so its even shorter than The Raven! #which in itself was short enough :-/ #(at like 17 stanzas i think) #i wanted a twenty-to-thirty-something :-( #its The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes btw #good poem (GREAT poem!) but a short poem nonetheless #ih #i know a dozen license plates on my block alone give me a CHALLENGE #if anyone knows a (preferably narrative) poem of Great Length (not the odyssey. the odyssey does not count.) then hmu 👀👀👀👀👀 #pers

[soulvee-animationz]

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh fuck why why why

#my mom facetimed me and I was like on the fucking verge of tears #I started crying for a bit earlier because I got fucking depressed by being at my dad’s #I’m so scared that my dad can monitor my calls to my mom and records them all #I’m nervous as hell if it looks like I was crying while talking to her then my dad goes back to court and tries to argue that I hate my mom #which I do not #i love my mom #god fuck me I shouldn’t be so nervous about doing simple tasks like this oh god oh fuck I’m worried and scared as hell #I can’t do anything without feeling paranoid or nervous or scared or without wanting to bawl my little eyes out #god I’m so alone here there’s no one here to help it’s just me and my plushies those are my only friends #I’m so fucking alone #no one is going to help #Im gonna be stuck here forever #oh god #vent

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers #they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy #but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure #respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys #I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years #anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period #i was always at my besties house lol #i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever... #bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️

[sturgeonposting]

Do you love the colour of the sturgeon?

Which one?

#sturgeon #sturgeon fish #fish #fishblr #i love pngs #i love sturgeon fish #I did not edit the colors of any of these photos but I feel like I should say: m #some of these are taken under water which makes the colors look different #do you love the color of the sky

[koddlet]

personal rules for winter ❄

#this was fun bc i didn't intend for it to be kind of cryptic #i just wanted to make some reminders for myself about winter cuz i never learn #especially the back cover which i guess isn't really a rule but still stands. i'm in a rural place so when it gets dark it's Dark #and its hard to want to do anything #zine #mini zine #illustration #nonfandom #analogue art

[ink-the-artist]

Love the contrast between the Americans’ “Apollo” and the Soviets’ “Sputnik.” You got the Americans naming their rocket after a Greek god trying to communicate the grandness and importance of this rocket. And you got the Soviets naming their rocket “fellow traveler.” Like a friend you go on an  adventure with together. This rocket is our little friend lol 

#i think its cute #they took the mars rover approach #humanizing the space craft making it cute making us (me) project emotions onto it #the soviets also used imagery of laika in propaganda a lot #which is pretty fucked up imo #but if i grew up in the soviet union that shit wouldve definetly worked on me lmao #the narrative of a heroic little dog going to space and being honored by the whole country #as cruely wrong as it is its very appealing #the soviets knew what they were doing man they didnt reveal how laika really died until like. the 2000s #bc they knew people really cared about that dog #they liked the narrative around her

[jakeperalta]

I'm curious. what job would you do if money was no object (you just automatically had an income you could live comfortably on)? including work like volunteering, studying etc. please share in the tags :)

#under this premise part time work is valid too! #personally i think i'd probably study. maybe do another masters maybe part time across two years this time #if i were to do a job job i think i'd try out working in a library (ideally an academic library). which would technically be more studying #since i'd need to get a library qualification first #i'm just very curious what people would choose if it was purely a choice of what appeals to you over the practicality/necessity #talking

[zytes]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

#misc #I encourage anyone dyslexic to try rotating him in your mind. I can’t do that; which is why I’m asking you to. #also: a bunch of tags are surprised this isn’t ‘shopped #it’s the lighting. backlit by the sun (which is diffused through the water) but also forelit artificially #the artificial light - a flash pack or something - casts a hard shadow under the creatures arm #which normally wouldn’t be possible if backlit by the SUN; you’d see a less-hard/more-fragmented shadow above water #as light sources ‘compete’ in a sense - and since there aren’t any light sources which can outshine the literal sun #it looks a bit weird when the darkest shadow is being cast from any other origin point - which is what’s essentially happening here #I don’t know the mechanics of how light travels through water; but I know the effect is substantial even with relatively short distances #also: it’s been balanced and color corrected by the author of the photo - who made deliberate choices to bring out the full potential #so it’s not like it’s a fresh and untouched export #but the kind of ‘tacked on’ appearance of the creature is a result of the lighting conditions within the image

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

I would put that on my cv

#Parallel parking #Which actually I have relearned to do this month #I'm getting very good

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum