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#I can’t do anything without feeling paranoid or nervous or scared or without wanting to bawl my little eyes out
soulvee-animationz · 2 years
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oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh fuck why why why
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atom-writings · 3 days
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tangerine with an autistic s/o
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0.7k words ~ gender neutral headcanons
tw: mention of ableism and subsequent violence
a/n: its my account i write what i want
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Being somewhere on the neurodivergent spectrum himself (don’t @ me,) along with his brother being autistic, it’s unlikely that Tangerine would end up with someone neurotypical anyway.
Constantly nicks you stim toys. It’s like a challenge to him since they’re usually bright and loud somehow.
He finds it so cute when you miss social cues, but he’d never say anything about it to you. He knows it can be embarrassing, and he doesn’t mind explaining what people mean.
He’s endlessly paranoid about the people he loves, so expect constant check-ins. Whenever you’re in public, he likes to hold your hand tight so he knows you’re safe (which is so, so nice when you’re in a crowd.)
When you’re on the verge of going non-verbal or having a meltdown, he notices immediately and gets you out of there. If anyone tries to say anything, he doesn’t even give them the time to do so.
“An’ who are you now? Nobody, tha’s right, fuck off.”
Whenever you talk about your special interests, he pretends he isn’t interested. He’ll sigh and make stupid snarky comments, but if you look closely, you can tell he’s still smiling a little. In reality, he doesn’t mind.
“Right, calm down luv, it’s really not tha’ big of a deal,”
“It’s a big deal to me!”
He sighs heavily and leans back in his chair before speaking again, “An’ by extension… me, now?”
“Yes!” Your ecstatic expression makes him groan, but he still has to cover his mouth to hide his smile.
But still, you might not notice he was really listening until he offhandedly makes a comment that only someone who had been paying crazy close attention would know. 
He might even know things you don’t, just because he comes to associate whatever you love with you. It comforts him to engage with your interests when you’re separated.
As you already know, Tangerine is a prickly person. Normally, he’s quite prone to anger and fits; but with you, he does his best to always remain level-headed. He doesn’t want to hurt you, especially he knows how sensitive you can be to anger. But he can’t help it sometimes. He’d never yell at you, at least. Anything too harsh is apologized for quickly. 
He’s working on it. You are one of the two most important people in his life, after all.
Speaking of which, expect to spend a lot of time with Lemon. Especially at the beginning of your relationship. He’s very nervous to make the wrong move and scare you off, and knowing that Lemon (also autistic) is there makes him worry a lot less. 
Generally, he doesn’t take criticism very well… especially when it comes to his behaviour… but he does try to be as receptive as he can when you’re the one criticising him.
Ableists get the shit beat out of them. Every time. Without fail. He will not stop this even when you ask. Although, if it makes you cry seeing him do that, he might stop himself early just so he can take you home and comfort you. 
Making you cry is the ultimate sin to him.
Even more “extreme” stims and tics don’t bother him. He just tends to tune them out like he does anything else.
He also might be even more vigilant about bringing along your comfort/accessibility items. Before you leave the house, he grabs you by the shoulder and checks you have everything. Again, paranoid.
Along with that, he may be a little infantilizing sometimes. He wants to always be by your side to make sure you’re alright, which can become… frustrating.
Like yes, it’s nice that he wants to drive you everywhere so you don’t have to worry about driving yourself or taking public transportation, but also you’re perfectly capable of doing those things by yourself (or if you’re not, I guess he’s just your knight in shining armour.)
If you’re otherwise incapable of doing some things, like speaking or cooking or whatever, he really doesn’t mind doing them for you. It makes him feel even more like your protector, which makes him so, so happy. As long as you pay him in affection, he won’t complain.
Actually, that’s not true. He complains about everything. But you’ll quickly learn what is “real” complaining, and what is just him being like that.
“Sweetheart, I wan’ you to know tha’ if anyone ever said anythin’ about you tha’s like- rude, in any way, I woul’ personally blow their brains out, understand?”
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jinxwrites · 11 months
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Purple Roses: Chapter 3
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I finally decided to go to a teacher after the second rose appeared. They told me they’d help me change my combination and look into it, but I had a feeling they weren’t serious about the last part. I covered my lock every time I would unlock my locker now. I wouldn’t even let Akio near enough to see. I still didn’t trust anyone. I could tell it angered Akio that I suspected him, but he did what I asked anyway. I was finally starting to feel safe again after a couple weeks without an incident when another rose appeared. How?! I was so careful to make sure that my stalker couldn’t see my combination! I started freaking out again. Why were they terrorizing me? I destroyed the stupid flower and threw it out. “Another flower?” It was Ruki. How did he know about the roses? Did Akio tell him?
“Yeah, and after I had changed my combination too. Who could be doing this?” I let out a frustrated sigh. 
“Have you told anyone?” He leaned on the wall next to me. I saw him glance at something down the hallway before turning back to me. Did he know something? I discreetly followed his gaze, but I didn’t see anyone. 
“I talked to a teacher, and they said they’d look into it… What were you looking at?” 
He narrowed his eyes with a smug grin on his face. “Thought I saw someone peeking from the corner over there.” He pointed in the direction I looked.
“Did you see what they looked like?” I asked while glancing over my shoulder again. 
“No, sorry. They stepped back before I had the chance to look.” He rubbed the back of his neck with a smile. “I’ll see you around, okay?” 
“Yeah, see you.” I watched him walk off while glancing at the corner he claimed to see someone. I cautiously walked in that direction, peering down the hallway. Whoever was here was gone now because the hallway was empty. I turned around to suddenly see Akio standing behind me. His chest was inches from my back, “Akio! You scared me!” I playfully hit his shoulder.
He laughed, “I’m sorry. What were you doing anyway?”
“I was talking to Ruki, and he claimed to have seen someone peeking out from this corner.” I leaned back against the wall with a sigh. 
“Did you see them?” 
“No, they’re always just out of sight. I don’t know what to do. The teachers haven’t done anything.” I felt hopeless. Even if I changed lockers or my combination again, it wouldn’t matter because they were still watching me. I felt a tear fall down my cheek while lost in thought. Akio held out his arms to me like he was asking permission. I just ran into his embrace while sobbing. This was so stupid. I was crying over these stupid flowers. Akio stroked my hair to console me as I gripped onto his uniform jacket. I missed my old school more than ever. I missed my friends. I missed not having to feel so paranoid while walking down the hallways. Everything I was holding back was just spilling out. I wanted to go home.
I stayed with Akio for a moment, trying to calm myself down. I still had my last class to get through plus clean up. In the last five minutes of break, I washed my face. I focused on the sensation of the cool water hitting my skin and dripping from my chin in an attempt to ground myself. I was a nervous wreck every time I stepped through the doors of this academy. I dried my face softly with a paper towel that felt like sandpaper before heading out of the bathroom. He had already left for class. Akio tended to be very punctual. I headed inside of my art class where I recognized the guy with a fedora. I can’t deal with this right now. Was he always in my art class? I ignored his gaze towards me and sat in my seat. Luckily, I was facing away from him at my table. During class, I felt a tap on my shoulder which startled me. I turned to see him and glared. 
“Oh, don’t be like that,” He smirked.
“What do you want?” I snapped.
“I have some information regarding your secret admirer.” 
“You mean my stalker? Yeah, what about it? I wouldn’t be surprised if it was you.” 
He laughed, “Don’t flatter yourself, little bitch. It’s not me, but I do know who it is.”
I glared at his nickname, “Are you going to tell me who it is then?” 
“Not here. Meet me after school in classroom 2-A, and I’ll tell you.” He winked. Gross.
Something told me he wanted something from me. “What’s the catch?”
“No catch. I just think you’ve been tortured enough.” He gave me a look of pity that wasn’t in any way genuine. I had a bad feeling about this, but anything would help at this point. I just wanted it to stop.
After cleanup time, I headed to classroom 2-A to meet Laito like he said. I waited for about five minutes, “Where is he?” I asked myself. 
“Miss me?” I jumped at the sound of his voice. He was sitting in one of the desks with his legs crossed and his chin resting on his hand. 
“Not in the slightest. Who’s following me?” I was getting angry. I’ve had enough of their little games. 
He rolled his eyes, “Not one for suspense, are you?” 
“I think I’ve waited long enough,” I dug my nails into my palm. My knuckles were white from how clenched my fists were. “Tell me who it is or I’m leaving.”
“I think you know who it is,” he smirked. 
“It’s Kanato, isn’t it?” He just kept giving me that annoying grin. “Why?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him? Better yet, expose him for what he is.” That thought did seem tempting. 
“Why are you telling me this anyway? You’re his brother, aren’t you?” I eyed him suspiciously. 
“Yes, but we’ve grown apart over the years unfortunately.” He stands up and walks over to me. His hand rests on my shoulder as he whispers in my ear. “Plus, with him out of the way. I can have you all to myself, little bitch.” 
I pushed him away in disgust. “Don’t you ever touch me again!” I screamed. I was shaking in fear and rage from his words. I ran out of the classroom, hoping to catch Akio or even Ruki before they left. Sure enough, Akio was there at his locker. He was just closing it when I ran to him. I was out of breath, and he seemed to notice I was in distress again. “Akio, I know who it is.” 
“Who is it? What happened? Are you okay?” His hands hovered over me like he was trying to console, but avoided touching me at the same time. 
“It’s Kanato. He’s been following me and putting the roses in my locker. Laito told me.”
“Sakamaki Laito?” Akio asked in confusion. “Why would he expose Kanato like that?”
“He said they aren’t very close,” I explained. 
“What are you going to do now?” 
“Confront him.”
Akio’s eyes widened a bit beneath his messy bangs. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Lila. Sakamaki Kanato tends to be a little unstable. I would tell a teacher first.”
“But I don’t have any proof it’s actually him! I just know what someone else told me, and that’s not good enough. I need a confession.”
“I’m just worried what he’ll do if you attack him like that,” Akio sighs. I could tell he was frustrated with me, but I wasn’t going to back down. I was tired of feeling helpless. I just wanted my life back. 
I couldn’t sleep when I got home. I was pacing my room while planning out what I’d even say to him. Thinking of a response to every single reaction I could think of. Going through every possible outcome in my head until I spiraled down into the most illogical scenarios. My stomach was in knots and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I tried to ground myself in every way I knew how. Washing my face, taking a shower, breathing exercises, but it’d all come back to another panic attack. Before I knew it, I had to go back to school. I was so tired that I debated on saying I felt sick, but I knew I’d drive myself crazy if I stayed home. I put on a brave face before heading inside, praying there wouldn’t be something in my locker again. There was another note taped to my locker door. Same child-like handwriting as before:
You’ll be mine soon 💜
Something about those words sent shivers down my spine. I put the note in my bag as evidence for later along with the other one he wrote. Maybe they could match his handwriting if he denied the accusations. I wasted no time heading to my home room. Adrenaline was rushing through my veins as I approached the purple-haired freak. I slammed my hand down on his desk in an attempt to intimidate him. He just gave me a wide-eyed stare with his head tilted. “Stop following me!” I yelled. I could feel the eyes of the other students in the room, but I didn’t care. 
Kanato was quiet for a moment, processing my sudden outburst. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 
“Don’t play dumb with me! You know exactly what I’m talking about! Your brother told me!” I could hear people whispering now. Kanato kept his expression calm, but there was something in his eyes that terrified me. 
Suddenly, he frowned and looked like he was going to start crying. “I didn’t do anything! Leave me alone!” He yelled, burying his face into his teddy bear. I couldn’t tell if his reaction was genuine or not. Part of me fell for it and felt bad for yelling while another part knew that he was faking. I didn’t know what to do, so I just sat in my seat while people were staring at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt sick to my stomach. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kanato looking at me. I should have listened to Akio. I should have told someone besides embarrassing myself like that. Out of all of the scenarios, I never thought he’d react that way. I expected anger or defensiveness due to what people told me about him, but maybe he didn’t want to show that part of himself in public. Maybe he emotionally manipulated others to gaslight me. To make others see him as the victim for being falsely accused. That way no one would believe me or do anything to stop him. I thought I saw him smiling at some point during class. He knew what he was doing.
Hi! I saw that someone recently commented they wanted more of this fic. I currently have ten chapters finished, and they are all on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39866499 I also have other fics on there like a vampire AU Hawks x Reader and a Hawks x OC fic. 
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shmegel · 6 months
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My life is falling apart and for once it’s my fault. It was an accident, but it’s my fault because I can’t trust. I had reason to lose my trust, but I confided my fear in someone and now maybe I truly can’t trust anyone. Maybe I’m alone in my life now. Maybe that’s just how it is. Maybe things have been building to this because I’ve been suffering silently so badly. Maybe it’s happening because I’ve been traumatized. Maybe it was just bad timing. Maybe it’s all of the above. I feel like I’m drowning and I just want to love and trust everyone around me and have them love and trust me back. My intentions were pure, my love is so strong, but maybe that’s not enough to help people be okay. Maybe that’s not enough. Maybe I’m not enough. Maybe I really can’t help- I don’t even know what’s true anymore and I hate myself for it even though I know that loss of trust happened for a reason. If I’m nervous that someone is lying to me, then I’m either paranoid or I’m a sucker. How is that fair to anyone? Why does anyone feel the need to lie to me, especially people I care about? Why couldn’t I have just kept suffering in silence for a little longer, how do I know, maybe it would have gotten better in that time? I don’t think I’ve ever destroyed so much before, especially not with my good intentions. My heart aches. I just want the people I love not to die, is that such a crime??? I fight every day for my life and people around me are just falling apart and I’m not supposed to feel that ache in my soul? I’m not supposed to try my best to help them feel better? What am I supposed to do?
I might have just lost everyone I love most in a single day.
At least they’re alive, but I don’t think anyone wants me in their life anymore. I’ve been feeling that for a while, this gnawing knowledge that people are sick of me and would prefer that I wasn’t there.
I want the people I love in my life- desperately- but if I lose their friendship in my efforts to keep them alive, however misguided, then that may be better than the alternative. I would prefer alive acquaintances to dead friends any day.
I had to try, right? I’m sorry if I was wrong. I still don’t really truly know if I was wrong because there is honestly no way to know at this point, because I have believed so many lies then felt like I’d been stabbed in the gut later when I found out they were lies. My trust has been used against me, and my honesty has been used against me. Maybe it’s good that I’ve lost trust. Maybe it’s healthy- for now, while I don’t know if people are telling me the truth or not.
I don’t know. I love these people. That’s all I know. I love these people and they’re in so much pain and it wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for a single text I sent just trying to stop my own pain. Maybe that was selfish. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.
I think I’m alone. I don’t think anyone really knows me anymore and wants me in their lives without just being absolutely sick of me. Which is a horrible thing when everything I do is to help the people I love. I never let myself have any comfort for myself- the one time I send a single text expressing worry or disappointment and suddenly 15 years blow up in all of our faces.
I don’t want to lose them.
I’m terrified and I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m exhausted and I’m sick and I’m so incredibly scared.
15 years can’t really disappear in a night, right? I didn’t think it could. I didn’t think it ever would as a result of something I said, of me voicing my fears.
I wish today would just reverse and everyone would forget everything that happened. All of it. I would take it all back. I would kill to undo this day.
I’m lost and I’m alone and I hurt people I love while trying to protect them and myself.
I wish it wasn’t so hard to know what is true and what is a lie. I can’t believe anyone in my life would feel the need to lie to me so often, because they know I trust so deeply, and it happened so much until that trust just drained away. I don’t know what’s left.
I wish everyone knew that is the problem. I wish everyone understood my heart. I wish they knew where it is and where it’s been.
This group is one of the few things that has mattered to me in years, and it feels like it’s disappearing, and it’s partially my fault but mostly happening because of the reason behind my lost trust, the alcohol and the tricking me and the lies, and it feels like no one is willing to fight for it except for me.
And everyone just wants me to calm down when my world is falling apart. It is. I’m losing the people that have mattered most to me in my entire life, the people I assumed would grow old together provided we could all survive. These were supposed to be my forever people. None of this was supposed to happen. I hate alcohol for being behind any of this. I hate it now, I despise it, I never want to see it again because of what it did to my best friends and how much hurt it caused us all.
It really was supposed to be us forever, or as long as I could survive with my health. Or them with theirs, given the alcohol. I just don’t want to lose anyone but here we are. I’m lost.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were supposed to all get better in different ways together, lift each other up, and live our parallel lives supporting each other. None of this was supposed to happen.
I’m heartbroken, honestly.
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Lately, I’ve been thinking about how less than a year ago, I essentially had a nervous breakdown after a 72 hour high and what might have been a partial flashback to the night my mom died. I didn’t get better after that period. I just kept feeling paranoid and anxious all the time, like I was disconnected from the world. I kept reading too much about symptoms of depersonalization and derealization, which didn’t help things. I was scared of medication, mostly because everyone talks about how bad it is to go on and off it. I was scared of trying different kinds because Lexapro gave me such terrible intrusive thoughts that I couldn’t do anything but lie on my couch and watch mindless, light-hearted TV, otherwise my mind would have room to fall apart. I was calling crisis hotlines several times a week just to talk to someone because I didn’t want to bother loved ones. I couldn’t go outside because the sky didn’t look right and everything felt two-dimensional and fake. I would panic suddenly over the knowledge that I can’t see my face without a mirror. I couldn’t handle silence and had to have some sort of stimulation to distract me constantly. I developed a Xanax dependency and had to go cold turkey when I had awful physical symptoms that worried my best friends. I spent my birthday screaming and crying because I couldn’t explain why everything felt so wrong and hadn’t felt right since July. I started twice weekly EMDR. I started Paxil, a medication that apparently my grandmother’s been on since my mom died. My therapist told me that, if she’d known the extent of my damage going into our sessions, she likely wouldn’t have taken me on as a client, but she wants to keep seeing me because she thinks we’re doing good work. I’m journaling again. I’m thinking of multiple good things a day. I’m less inclined to extremes when something bad happens. I have boundaries. I’m okay crying when I write things.
Nearly four years ago, I was so uncertain of my future and scared about not knowing what to do with my life that I would have daily considerations of killing myself and how I would romanticize going about it because I couldn’t see where my life could go. Three years before that, I felt so alone, isolated, and introspective that I couldn’t talk to people about my feelings. I felt like I’d been abandoned when really all that happened was that people were growing and exploring where I was too afraid to move. My therapist’s comment about my damage reminded me of so many people that have worried about me for so long, longer than this past year. My parents who said they felt things weren’t right for months before my breakdown, months before that high. My friends who would text or call me because they saw a concerning post or bring up that I wasn’t talking very much or was acting like “a pretend Delaney” and wanted to know if I was okay. I’ve always been someone that felt things so extremely, even before my mom died, but I romanticized that trait so deeply that I felt like it was some deep poetic bullshit that I got so painfully sad about things so often or worried about shit to the point of self-isolating.
I’m at a point in my life again where shit is uncertain, but I’m not so scared. For the first time, I’m basically broke, but I’m not falling apart in fear. I’m navigating, planning, worrying in a normal way. I’m applying for jobs and feeling an average degree of bummed whenever I’m rejected. I had a day where I didn’t win a bunch of writing contests I applied to, cried for an hour, and then went on with my tasks. I don’t know where I will be in a year. Sometimes I’m scared that it’ll get to summer and things will feel like they did last year. But most days, I’m able to step outside, look at the sky, and feel indifferent. I can ground myself. I tell people I love them without it feeling like I’ll never get to say it again. I’m a normal amount of sad about graduating. But if anything, not as much as others. Because I feel like I’ll be okay growing and exploring life while still staying connected to the people I care about.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’m damaged. And about how I’m okay.
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leahkenobi · 2 years
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afraid
cassian x fem!reader
word count: 7.4k
summary: cassian can’t stand seeing you scared.
warnings: panic attacks, fear in the general sense, torture, pain, crying, blood, bruises, mentions of eating and throwing up, keir is an ass, protective cassian
a/n: okay so i got insanely carried away with this one. i ended up getting really into the dynamic of the reader being rhys’s sister, so i kept writing scenes with them. also i’m open to requests for cassian and azriel, whatever they may be. i tend to write hurt/comfort, which i love doing, but please let me know if you would like to see anything else, or something more in this trope! also, if you would like to be added to a cassian tag list, i would be more than happy to add anyone! i hope you all enjoy, and thank you so so much for the support <3
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within the inner circle, you were known as the rock. you were the light everyone turned to in the times of darkness, the sunshine on the rainy days.
when rhys was taken from your small group of friends who became family, you were the one who held everyone together. you never questioned if he would return, rather you reminded the others it was indefinite. he would make it back home, any day now.
you held cassian as he sobbed, you listened to azriel talk it out. you picked mor up from the clubs when she couldn’t cope without alcohol, and you sat with amren in painful silence as she processed her feelings.
no one asked after you besides cassian, though his reaction was delayed. he, along with the others, were so caught up in their feelings that they didn’t take a moment to think that the one keeping them together might be falling apart as well.
it was early in the morning, and he had been thinking of rhys again, and he tried to remember what you told him when he felt a wave of panic begin to come over him. “take a deep breathe, and remember the good,” you would say, “i promise there will be more good with him.”
moments later, it dawned on cassian that you might need help too, and he nearly leapt from his bed to find you. he felt some tugging, like he knew that wherever you were, you needed him, and quickly. how had he been so stupid to not check up on you? you, who had held him as he wept, who had been the rock of your little family.
the rock was crumbling, eroding and turning to sand. when cassian reached your room, it was like he could hear you breaking. he knocked with urgency, knowing he needed to be in there before you got too deep into your own mind, as he knew you could. you used to tend to overthink, and he feared the same thing would be happening now. based on those sounds from the other side of the door, he knew it was worse than he had ever witnessed.
“y/n/n, let me in,” cassian said, trying to keep his breaking voice steady. you couldn’t hear him, it was as if your senses were blocked. all cassian could hear was your breathing become more and more labored.
“i’m coming in,” he said as a warning, though he knew that since you hadn’t responded, you probably couldn’t hear him. he pushed on the door, breaking in with his sheer strength, and the sight before him made his heart beat erratically, full of nerves.
he’d seen you nervous and paranoid before, but he’d never seen you looking so helpless and small. you were on the floor on the far side of your bed, pushed into the corner. you were mumbling to yourself, audible grunts and groans slipping from your mouth. your head was between your knees as your whole body seemed to be shaking.
cassian moved quickly, not aware that his swift and hard footsteps would cause a reaction. your head snapped up rapidly as you tried to move yourself farther into the wall, whimpering like an injured animal. he saw your timid movements and stopped where he stood.
“hey, hey, y/n it’s just me,” cassian said, and you shook your head, like you didn’t want to know. “shh it’s okay, you’re okay,” he said softly. he couldn’t get over how scared you looked.
once again, he approached, and you just quivered where you sat. he knelt in front of you, slowly taking your face in his hands, allowing you time to move if you were uncomfortable.
when you didn’t shy away, he cupped your face in his hands and wiped away a few tears. your body, primarily your hands, were still shaking. cassian looked you in the eye, very gently saying, “what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
you didn’t answer for a minute, staring anywhere but his eyes. he grabbed your hands, trying to put an end to the shaking. he rubbed them softly, hoping maybe he could calm you, just a little.
you finally spoke lip quivering and voice weak, “i’m sorry, did i wake you?” cassian was a bit taken aback by your question. here you were, in shambles in the corner of your room, shaking right in front of him and your very first thought was “am i causing a problem?”
“y/n, no honey. you didn’t do anything, nothing at all i just need to make sure you are okay. can you tell me what’s going on?” cassian spoke, speaking to you in a hushed tone. he didn’t want his normally booming voice to overwhelm you while you were in an obviously fragile state.
“sorry,” you mumbled. once again, cassian was stunned. “what do you have to be sorry for? it’s okay, y/n, you didn’t do anything,” he said.
your initial state of panic had started to wear thin, and now all you could think of was how embarrassing this was. cassian, the male you had been in love with for years, had just seen you scared as a child in the dark.
he met your eyes once again, and moved in closer, pulling you to his chest. he wrapped his large wings around the rest of your body, protecting you from the outside world.
he whispered in your ears, “if you don’t tell me what’s shaken you, honey, i can’t help you.” and that’s what broke you down. he wanted to help you. you started crying into his chest, which cassian welcomed, stroking your back.
“i’ve got you, i’ve got you,” he said. you let your emotions run dry, until you couldn’t produce any more tears. “i-i-,” you started, but couldn’t spit it out.
cassian knew it took a lot to get you to this point, to get you speechless, so he was patient with you. he did his best to let you express your emotions, considering he had never see you so distraught and he didn’t know the best way to help you.
“i’m scared,” you said, though barely audible. cassian heard, though, he heard you utter those two words he never thought he’d hear leave your mouth.
he kissed the top of your forehead, pondering what could cause you to be in such disarray, but he only came to one conclusion. “is this about rhys?” he said, and he knew the answer before the question even left his mouth. he was your brother, of course you were scared.
you nodded, “i just- he can’t be gone, cass. i still need him,” you said, eyes watering up again. cassian just listened, knowing you needed to let this out, hell you probably needed to let this out long before now.
“he’s not gone, y/n, i know he isn’t,” cassian said. he was internally beating himself up. how the hell did he not see you suffering, like this? how didn’t he assume, for cauldron’s sake you were his little sister.
“but-but he could be, or he could come back and not be our rhys at all,” you continued, letting all your fears off your chest. cassian was having a hard time too, he didn’t know the answers to these questions, he didn’t know the right thing to say when you were feeling like this. hell, you were the one he would go to in situations like this.
“then we will remind him who he is, who we are,” he said with confidence he didn’t feel, but right now you needed it, needed him. you nodded again into his chest, then lifted your head.
“i’m afraid cassian, i’m so damn afraid,” you said, not knowing how else to convey how you felt. “i know, y/n, i know. but i swear to you, you’ll make it through,” he said.
he took a private oath at that moment, that he would never again see you this afraid. he vowed that he would look after you so well, it would never get this bad again.
————————————
for over fifty years, cassian kept that oath. while rhys was away, he never left your side. he was basically attached at your hip, in fear that the moment he left you alone, he would have to see you cowering in fear again. the idea of that was simply unacceptable, he refused to see you so scared.
the day that rhys came home was an emotional whirlwind for everyone. when he winnowed into the townhouse, he shouted your name. you could hardly believe what you were hearing, denying the possibility it could be him.
“y/n!” rhys shouted again. you sprung from your bed and turned to cassian, who was sitting in the chair in the corner of your room. his eyes were wide, disbelief flooding his features.
within a flash, you were scrambling to the door, running into it on accident in all the excitement. when you finally opened it, you bounded down the steps. when you eventually reached the living room, you saw him. there, stood in the middle of the living room, was your brother, rhysand.
your eyes flooded with tears as you leapt into his arms. he hardly had the reaction time to catch you and the force of the hug nearly knocked him clear over. cassian stood at the bottom of the stairs in absolute confusion and awe. because there was rhys, his best friend, home where he belonged.
the sobs that left your mouth were loud, your whole body shaking against rhys. “i’m home now, i’m here y/n. i’m not going anywhere,” he whispered. your loud cries caused the others to seek you out, and when they saw the scene before them, they quickly understood your reaction.
rhys smiled, pulling you off his chest and wiping a tear from your face, “i’ve missed you,” he said. you smiled up at him, you missed this, missed your family.
soon enough, cassian was crushing rhys in a tight hug, followed by azriel. now it was your turn to watch as the best friends who were closer to brothers hugged and reunited again.
that night, you dined with your entire family for the first time in fifty years. you felt whole once again with all of you together. though you could tell rhysand had been through a lot (what exactly happened, he hadn’t yet disclosed), he still found a way to ask about you. he asked all about what you had been doing, how his duties were fulfilled in his absence, anything new or exciting that happened in velaris. you were mesmerized by your brother’s resilience, how he could so easily seem unaffected.
when dinner came to a close, azriel, mor, and amren all retired to their rooms, while you sat with rhys. cassian didn’t move, which was to be expected, at least in your mind. he never left you alone for long, and you loved it. though sometimes it could make you feel claustrophobic, you enjoyed having his company most of the time, and he made you feel safe.
rhys gave you a look, one that said “i would like to speak alone.” you nodded at him, almost forgetting cassian was still there because his presence was such a constant. eventually, rhys gave up on the idea of cassian leaving, and proceeded with conversation.
“y/n, i’m afraid i have some bad news,” rhys said, and you began to panic. bad news? what could be so bad right now? he was home, safe again. nonetheless, you said, “what’s going on?”
“keir hasn’t been missing me and is running a muck in the court of nightmares. he needs to remember who is in charge,” rhys said, but continued, “and i need you to remind him.”
with that your, face fell. why the hell would rhys want you to do that when everyone so easily and compliantly followed him. “um.. i- i guess i can, but i just don’t understand why you can’t,” you said to your brother, turning to see cassian equally as confused.
“because they need to know it’s not just me they should be following, they need to follow you too, the whole high court really. after all, gods forbid something happens to me again, something i don’t come back from, you are their leader. you need to show them you can be,” rhys said, and you still couldn’t grasp why now? why hadn’t he made you do this before?
he could practically hear your thoughts, and responded, “i’m home now, y/n, yes. but what if i wasn’t? what if something had really gone wrong? would they have listened to you, or turned hewn city against all of the rest of the court. i need to see you put your foot down, y/n, show them the strong leader we all know you are,” he said.
you nodded, understanding a little clearer now. this wasn’t just about you, it was about keeping his court safe in the event of another untimely disaster. you got that, he wanted to know that push come to shove, his people would be well taken care of.
“okay,” you said, “i’ll go.” rhys gave you a grin, a grin you had come to miss so much over the years without him, a grin that reminded you of trips to the sweet shop in velaris you took as children, of sneaking out and going to rita’s with cassian and azriel as teens.
“great, you’ll leave tomorrow at dawn-“ rhys was saying but was quickly interrupted by cassian, who had been silently brooding this whole conversation. “i don’t think so,” cassian said, to which rhys raised his eyebrows.
“you don’t think so?” rhys quipped back, almost amused by cassian’s interruption. rhysand was many things, but he sure as hell wasn’t blind. he knew that cassian was in love with you, he’d known since you were kids and cassian protected you from some nasty illyrians by wrapping his wings around you. he’d taken a rock to the wing for you, which was nothing to scoff at.
while rhys was under the mountain, the only peace he had was knowing cassian was fiercely protective of you. he knew you were in good hands.
“rhys are you crazy? sending her into keir so exposed! you know how insane he is!” cassian shouted, his protectiveness over you really coming out. rhys looked over to you and saw you staring cassian in the eye, like you were trying to communicate to him to calm down.
somehow, cassian understood what you were trying to say, and took a breath before continuing his argument. “i don’t like it rhys. i don’t want her going in there without us,” he said.
and all of the pieces fell right into place for rhysand. what he once assumed a crush was much more than that. the protectiveness cassian had for you, the communicating the pair of you did without speaking at all, the longing looks he had seen and the feeling of love he sensed. you two were mates, he concluded, then wondered how long it would take for you to admit it to each other.
“you can go with her, cass, but you’ll have to wait outside city limits, she needs to go in alone,” rhys said, eyes flitting between the two of you. “but-“ cassian started to argue. rhys cut him short, “but nothing, you will leave at dawn tomorrow, that’s final.”
you smiled, standing to give your brother a hug. “i’m glad you’re home,” you said, “i’m going to bed so i can be ready for tomorrow. sleep well, rhys. i’ll see you soon.” rhys placed a loving kiss on the top of your head, and you left the kitchen.
cassian didn’t follow immediately, choosing to stay back with rhysand and chat. “how long have you known?” rhys asked cassian, and he knew exactly what rhys, was talking about, though he didn’t care to admit it.
“i’m not sure i know what you mean,” cassian said, and rhys smiled again at his friend’s avoidance. “don’t play stupid, cass, i can see it in your eyes. and can you be anymore obvious? you don’t leave her side for cauldron’s sake!” rhys exclaimed with amusement.
“you don’t know rhys,” cassian said. “there’s a reason i don’t leave her side. you didn’t see her the way i did after she left, you didn’t see her shaking in the corner of her room,” cassian continued, “so you’re right. i don’t leave her side because i can’t let that happen to her again, at least without me being there i can’t.”
“i’m sorry-“ rhys started, “there’s nothing to be sorry for, okay? you didn’t do anything. i just need to keep her safe, and you’re right. i know why i feel that need to do so, and i’m pretty sure y/n might know too, but it wasn’t the right time to address it. we couldn’t talk about it with you being gone, it just didn’t feel right,” cassian said.
rhys nodded, “okay, cass, it’s alright. and thank you, for keeping her safe. it feels good to know you always had an eye on her.” cassian mumbled a “you’re welcome.”
“you should go to bed, cassian, you have a long day of work ahead of you tomorrow,” rhys said. cassian nodded and hugged him once more before retiring for the evening.
————————————
the next morning you woke up early, feeling nervous about your assignment. not only did you not want to fail your brother, but you were scared of the court of nightmares. you knew how awful keir had been to mor, to your brother and friends too.
you walked downstairs and into the kitchen for a light breakfast. at the table, you saw cassian and rhys sitting and chatting, even smiling a little.
when they noticed your presence, cassian perked straight up. “morning y/n,” he said with a smile and you smiled back. how could you not when he smiled at you like a child?
“how are you feeling?” rhys asked as you grabbed an apple, not wanting to eat too much before the big show.
you shrugged, “alright, i guess. i just want to get it over with.” both boys nodded and looked to each other as you bit into the apple.
“remember y/n, you’re going in alone. cassian will be waiting outside city limits, okay? it shouldn’t take you more than two hours to discuss with keir and explain to him his behavior is unacceptable. be sure to remind him of the consequences, should he not listen to you,” rhysand said, to which you nodded.
“and one more thing,” he said, “don’t mention i’m home. for this to work, for him to fear you the way he should, you need to show him that you are strong by yourself, without me and the boys behind you.”
“okay, i promise,” you said. rhys and cassian both looked a bit nervous, but they tried not to show it. “you are strong, y/n, i know you can do this,” cassian added, to which rhys agreed.
“you better get going then,” rhys said to the two of you. you hugged him tightly as a goodbye, then walked out of the kitchen and out the front door to wait for cassian, as he would be flying you.
cassian and rhys remained in the kitchen, when rhys said, “if something goes wrong, shout for me, please. i need her to be okay. she needs to go, but that doesn’t mean i want to put her in this danger.”
cassian agreed, he didn’t want to put you in this danger either, but he knew rhys was making the right choice for the court. “i will do everything i can,” cassian said, and walked out as well, to fly you away.
————————————
not thirty minutes later, you arrived on the border of hewn city. the ride was smooth, as it always was when you flew in cassian’s arms. however, you had this sinking feeling inside of you, a feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong.
cassian set you on the ground gently, and took a look over your appearance. he could visibly see your nerves in your scrunched nose and less than steady hands. “it’s going to be okay, y/n,” he said, picking up your hands.
you smiled and looked him in the eyes, saying, “i know, it’ll be fine.” you didn’t know what else to say, considering you didn’t believe it was going to be fine, so you said, “i’ll show them who is boss,” with a grin.
“that’s my girl,” cassian said back. your heart fluttered at that, he thought your were his. “but, y/n/n, at the first sign of danger, i want you to get out of there. meet me back here. more than anything, i need you to be safe,” he said with conviction.
“i promise,” you said, and then you gently kissed him on the cheek. it was a kiss that couldn’t be shared between friends for it was too soft and dainty. it was a kiss that could only be shared between those who loved each other deeply. cassian’s cheeks blushed a pretty pink, smiling at you as you turned and walked into the court of nightmares.
————————————
you reached the gates of the palace, where guards roughly grabbed your arms to bring you inside. this had to be your first show of power, you had to demand them to release you and lead you to keir.
you made an attempt to get out of their hold. “let me go at once,” you said firmly, and though their grasp loosened, they didn’t let go.
“i am the sister of rhysand, high lord of the night court, and you will do as i say,” you attempted to order, and the male guards only snickered.
“we don’t give a shit who you are to the high lord, you aren’t him,” one of the guards said. that was your first sign that you should run.
“keir is going to be thrilled,” one of the other guards said, and you felt your stomach drop. this wasn’t good, you were screwed.
you reached the throne room, and there sat keir, looking sinister as always. he gave you a disgusting grin as you were presented before him. “what a surprise. little y/n, come to play ball with the big boys,” he said mockingly.
“keir, we need to speak of the mockery you have created of your jurisdiction. this city is a disaster, and you will do well to fix it immediately,” you spoke, trying not to appear afraid, though you never did have a good poker face.
“or what, princess, hmm? what are you going to do without your big brother?” he said, and you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed.
“i do not need rhysand to strip you of your power,” you said. “i can easily replace you if you do not behave in compliance with the orders of your high court,” you continued, though he didn’t seem to believe you, instead he laughed.
“we will see about that,” he said, “take her to the room,” keir said, a dark look passed over his face, one that was enough to make you quiver in fear. this was your second clue that you needed to get back, get back to cassian before this got bad.
and oh, did it get bad. his guards gripped your arms harder, and when you demanded to be released, they simply dragged you along, as if you were just a toy, not a real being.
you reached the room keir had mentioned and worry flooded you. it only took one look around to know what kind of room this was, and it only took you a moment to realize you needed to escape, and quick.
he brought you to a room similar to the ones where azriel did his work with truth teller. a room where you had never been before, and thank the gods for it. but now that you were, you were terrified.
the guards dropped you to ground like rag doll, and you quickly scooted to the corner of the room, which in hindsight, probably was not the brightest idea. because when keir entered moments later and asked all of the guards to leave him, he already had you right where he wanted you.
“so y/n,” he said, “nice room, isn’t it?” you couldn’t believe how he was mocking you right now, but you were so scared all you let out were pathetic whimpers. “oh don’t worry, if you listen, and do what i ask, none of these blades will touch that soft skin of yours,” he said.
keir was power hungry, and he felt so strong with you completely at his mercy. “let’s start with the easy questions. why are you here?” he said, and you didn’t respond. you wouldn’t break, not for him.
“cmon dear, don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” he said, keeping his distance, but you could tell he was getting impatient. when you didn’t answer, he picked up a sharpened blade and stormed toward you. he held it to your neck, saying, “do you need a little motivation to tell me what’s going on?”
his smile was evil, pure devil visible in his teeth. but when you didn’t answer, he took matters into his own hands. “very well then,” he said, and slashed you right above the collar bone. you cried out in pain, lunging to get away from him. you couldn’t make it though, he pushed you right back into the corner.
tears flowed down your face as he said, “i wasn’t joking about using my resources, i’ll do what it takes to get the answers i want.” he dropped the blade and lifted your chin so you would be forced to meet his eyes.
“such a pretty face, it would be a real shame if something happened to it,” he said while caressing your cheeks and you whimpered again. you were scared, so scared of what was to come. your mind was a mess, jumping from thought to thought, like “would rhys find me?” and then too, “what if i die before he does?” your mind went to cassian, wondering, “will he know how i felt, even if i’m gone?”
you were snapped out of your thoughts as you heard keir speak again. “it’s okay if you don’t tell me why you’re here just yet. but i want to hear about rhysand. where has he been, y/n? i must know,” he whispered, his face too close to yours.
“i don’t know what you are talking about,” you said, using all the fighting strength you had left to answer that question.
he sneered, “oh i think you do.” when he slid sharp pieces of metal over his knuckles, you began to panic. he spoke again saying, “if i were you, i’d tell me everything you know about him and his whereabouts these past fifty years, or you won’t like what comes next.”
you shook your head. you weren’t going to let keir scare you, no matter the consequence. you were going to make rhys proud, you weren’t going to fold and give him what he wanted, even if it meant not making it back to your family.
“well if you insist,” keir said, and punched you straight across the face. you could feel the metal puncture your skin, the blood dripping down it fast. you could feel your face pulsing, and you knew it would swell instantly. “it’s going to be a long morning for you miss y/n,” he said with a disgusting smile.
————————————
all morning cassian had been scared for your safety. but his nerves worsened the further you got from the two hour window rhys had said would be the maximum amount of time needed to smooth things over in hewn city.
two hours and fifteen minutes in, he began pacing. he had this feeling, this feeling he couldn’t describe, but he knew it wasn’t a good one. it felt like something was calling him, like he needed to get inside the city as soon as he could.
but he did as rhys said, and stood on the outskirts. he had waited another half hour before he started to think about all of the things that could have gone wrong. his mind flooded with vile images of you, images that he hoped he would never witness, ones that would stay in the back of his mind forever.
when it had been three hours and thirty minutes of him waiting while you were in the city alone, he sent a message down to rhys. “no word from y/n/n yet, and i’m getting nervous. what should i do?” cassian said.
rhys answered immediately, saying, “wait another half hour. if you have no word by then, go into the palace and see what’s going on. i’m sure it’s okay, just running a bit long.”
cassian nodded, “okay,” he said. he trusted rhysand’s judgement, though he still felt something was wrong.
he should have listened to his gut.
————————————
you had lost all sense of time. for a while, keir had slapped you silly with metal on his knuckles. you had begged and pleaded for him to stop, but he wouldn’t let up on it.
then, he had switched over to his blade again, cutting away pieces of your clothing to humiliate you, and leaving cuts that were oozing with blood. you had kicked and screamed when he used the blade. there was nothing that hurt worse than having your skin cut open, you thought.
then, he was back to abusing your body with his own. he kicked your stomach, breaking you ribs as you doubled over, coughing up blood.
“please,” you begged, “please stop.” he only laughed in your face, saying, “i told you the terms of the end of punishment. you must give me the answers i’m looking for, and if you refuse, i’ll continue,” he said smuggly.
at this point, you were begging to pass out. you were scared to be conscious any longer, you were scared that you would give him what he wanted and rhys would be disappointed. you couldn’t do it anymore, your skin was a mess of bruises and blood, and you couldn’t even open your right eye as it was swollen shut. the blood was soaked through your hair and the ripped pants and top you still wore. your body was shaking from the strain of staying alert, and that’s how cassian found you.
————————————
the second he reached the fourth hour of waiting, cassian flew directly into the city, over palace security gates, and right to the front door.
he pounded on the door, and after a few moments, when there was no answer, he used his strength to push through it. he found no guards, no people at all in the main entrance of the palace, which he thought was very peculiar.
what he did hear, however, shook him to his core. he heard blood-curdling screams coming from the hall to his left, and he took off in a sprint in the direction of the screams.
“no! no!” he heard as he approached closer to the door. and it was his worst nightmare come true when he realized it was your voice.
he didn’t know what to do with himself. he couldn’t believe he had let you be alone in this hell for four hours while you were only supposed to be gone for two. he was angry, so angry with not just himself, but whoever was hurting you. and he had a bad, bad feeling he knew who it was.
cassian did know one thing, he knew he had to be calm for you when he got in there. he didn’t know how long this had been happening for, but he did know that you didn’t need someone to scare you more than you already were, you needed someone to rescue you.
when he blasted through the door with his siphons, he thought he was going to throw up. because sitting there, barely recognizable, covered in blood and bruises and vomit, was his y/n, shaking and crying, screaming and pleading no.
you didn’t even realize that keir had stopped touching you the second cassian entered the room, hell you didn’t even realize cassian had entered the room. you just kept whimpering “no, no,” over and over.
“what the hell did you do to her?” cassian growled out in a low tone, as not to scare you with his loud voice.
“i needed some answers,” keir said, “and this pretty little thing wasn’t giving in. you should be proud, general, she didn’t reveal anything this whole time, and we’ve been going at it for quite some time.”
cassian was filled with rage. it had been the whole four hours, and had he listened to the voice in his head telling him to find you, he could have saved you two hours or more of unnecessary pain. “don’t fucking talk about her like that,” he said defensively of you.
“poor thing was begging for mercy, but what kind of ruler would i be if i listened to those pleads for relief when i needed information?” keir said with a grin, knowing this was getting to cassian.
it took everything inside cassian not to blast him into oblivion, to take one of the bloodied blades off the ground and stab him through the heart, but he knew he couldn’t do that right now in front of you. you were shaking, so small and afraid looking that he couldn’t bare the thought of you seeing him doing something so cruel.
cassian shifted to move in front of you, wings guarding your body from keir’s gaze. “don’t even think about touching her again,” cassian said.
“oh i’m not. you can take her, she’s worth nothing to me now. probably doesn’t even remember her own name,” he sneered out.
“but cassian? know that i will figure out what happened to rhysand, and know that i will not stop running my city how i please.”
with that, keir left the room. you were still hidden behind cassian’s wings, but he could hear you whining, he could practically feel you shaking. he slowly turned around, and just like all those years before, he knelt in front of you. he remembered what he promised himself, and was so disappointed that he broke his oath. he had seen you terrified again. the first time he left your side for longer than an hour and a half in fifty years, and here you are, cowering in a corner.
your sounds were breaking his heart. he slowly removed your hands from your face. you pushed yourself farther in the corner and cassian sat back on his heels to let you have a minute.
seeing your face so bloodied and bruised and knowing the pain behind it made cassian want to rewind time and put himself in your place. but he couldn’t do that, all he could do was move forward and give you the help you needed.
“hey y/n, it’s just me, just cassian,” he said softly, showing you his hands. you shook your head, repeating, “please don’t,” to him.
“i’m not going to touch you, honey, i’m not going to hurt you. but i do need to take you home,” he said softly. you continued to whimper when you looked at him. then, his heart shattered when you mumbled “cass?”
“yeah, y/n, it’s me. i’m going to take you back to rhys, okay?” he said so sweetly. you scrambled into his arms when you realized it was him, your cassian. he was here to hold you, he was always here.
when you made it to his arms, you pushed yourself into him, hiding your head in his neck. then, the first cry left your mouth, “cassian,” you let out, tears running down your face.
“i’m here, honey, i’ve got you now, you’re safe with me,” he said, rubbing up and down your back. when he pulled his hand off, there was blood on it.
as much as he wanted to let you stay in his arms, as much as he wanted to hold you until you cried all of your tears, you were bleeding and injured. rhys would have his head if he didn’t get you back immediately.
“we need to leave, y/n, so i’m going to pick you up and fly us out of here,” he said calmly, trying to keep this facade up for your sake when deep down his mind was screaming at him so many different things. to panic, to run, to scream, to kill those who hurt you.
you nodded into his chest as he got up and quickly walked out of the room. he ran through the halls and out of the palace into the stale air of late fall.
as he took off, you muttered, “i’m scared.” cassian heard you and pushed the hair from your face as he was flying.
“it’s okay, y/n, i’m going to take good care of you,” he said. and finally, after hours of ruthless pain and torture, the altitude and blood loss were enough to knock you out.
when cassian felt you go limp, he panicked. “rhys!” he shouted to his friend through his mind, “it’s bad rhys, it’s really bad. get madja, and get her room ready,” cassian said.
rhysand panicked, responding, “oh shit, okay. i’ll get everything together. fly safe cassian, bring her back as safe as you can.”
————————————
cassian did as he was told and brought you home, barreling through the door and into the living room where everyone was waiting.
mor gasped as she saw your unconscious frame and azriel’s shadows curled around him. rhysand stayed silent as madja muttered, “this way.”
cassian carried you to your room, rhys behind him. just as he went to set you on the bed, you began thrashing in his arms, screaming, “no! stop!” it was as if you were awake, but not aware of where you were.
“shhh y/n, it’s me. i’ve got you, i’ve got you,” he said, and you opened your eyes as well as you could. “cass,” you said, voice breaking. he nodded his head and you continued, “are we home?”
“yes honey, we’re home,” he said. rhys came into view and he looked at you, and said, “you made it y/n.”
you gave him a faint smile before you cuddled into cassian. cassian looked to madja who motioned for him to sit on the bed. he sat on the bed, holding you against his chest when madja looked to him, asking for him to explain what was happening. she knew how disoriented you were, how right now, cassian was the only thing that made you feel safe.
“okay, y/n, madja’s going to help you out now, get you cleaned up,” cassian said, trying to warn you for what was to come. you shook your head, and asked him, “can you do it?”
he gave you a sad smile and said, “i don’t think that’s a good idea, madja is really good at her job. and i’ll hold you the whole time,” he said.
you supposed he was right, and nodded your head. that didn’t help the pain that came with the alcohol she used the clean your many gashes. you bucked up into cassian’s grasp and he brushed the hair from your forehead, hold the top of your head and leaning to whisper, “relax, honey. i know it hurts, but i’ve got you.”
rhys stood and watched as madja cared for you and cassian did his best to hold you still and keep you comfortable. he was wracked with guilt for all of it. he never should’ve sent you alone and never should’ve asked cassian to wait. if he could’ve saved you from just a little of the pain you were feeling now…
he could hardly stand to look at you, his little sister, so weak and broken. it was hard to look at cassian too, who looked on the verge of tears every time you cried out in pain as madja attempted to heal you.
it was a mercy when you passed out again, this time from sheer exhaustion. madja left promptly, as she was done with her work. as she was leaving the room, she said, “she’s going to be just fine.” rhys nodded a thanks.
cassian didn’t make a move to leave. he let you lay in his arms and rest. rhys looked at the two of them and said, “i can’t believe he did this to her. i’m going to fucking kill him.”
cassian nodded, asking, “could i have the pleasure?” with a smirk. rhys knew how much self control it had to have taken for cassian not to kill him right then and there. you were his mate, and someone had hurt you. he had to fight against all of his biological urges.
“thank you for getting her here safe,” rhys said. cassian nodded, “anything for her.” he smiled down at you sadly, looking at all of the scars and stitches and bruises that littered your body.
————————————
when you woke hours later, you were still in cassian’s arms. rhys had long since left you room, but cassian stayed.
he must’ve felt you shift or heard you groan because he said quickly, “how are you feeling?”
you groaned again, “like shit.” he chuckled, as did you until he started again. “y/n you were… you were so scared. i can’t - i can’t see you like that again,” cassian let out with a serious tone.
“i’m sorry i didn’t-“ “no!” cassian interrupted, “please don’t apologize you didn’t do anything wrong i just… remember all those years ago, a few days after rhys left, and i came into your room and i saw you so afraid? well that day i promised myself i’d do everything i could to make sure you never felt like that again, that i never had to see you like that again.
“but i broke that promise. i let you go for the first time in fifty years and i come back to find you shaking with blood covering every inch of your body and i- i…” he stopped, breathing becoming labored.
“breathe cassian,” you said, seeing how worked up he was getting.
“you, y/n, you are it for me. you are the stars to my sky, the flowing water to my riverbank. you complete every part of me, and when i see you like that… it’s painful to see you so afraid. it physically hurts me,” he said, letting it all out.
“and i think you know what this all means. and i think you feel like this too, and i know this is bad timing but i can’t do it anymore. i can’t see you like that again, and i need to do everything i can to protect you from it. so i’m asking you now, as you’re lying in my arms, probably in an unbelievable amount of pain will you please, please let me keep you safe? will you let me guard your body, heart, and mind from those who can hurt you?” he asked.
you nodded, taking in all that he said. “please cassian,” you said, and that was all he needed to hear. his mouth was on yours in an instant, pressing you to him quickly, like he couldn’t wait another minute.
he could taste the tang of blood from your mouth, could smell it all over your body too, but he he couldn’t care less. he finally had you, safe in his arms.
it wasn’t always easy. what keir did to you stayed a part of you for a long, long time. it woke you up at night with terrors. you’d scream so loud that cassian would have to rock you in his arms to get you back to sleep, but he didn’t mind. he wanted to protect you, and he swore he would do so forever more. he wouldn’t let anything happen to cause you to be so afraid ever again.
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flower-slut004 · 3 years
Text
SOFT ABC BENNY
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A - Affection (how do they show affection)
Benny ADORES PDA. He always has to have his hands on you somehow. He loves wrapping his arms around your waist and his chin on your head ( if you’re shorter than him) And if you’re taller than Benny, he’ll just stand on his toes to rest his head on your shoulder.
B - Balance (how do they balance you, work/school/life?)
You’re apart of the supernatural life so you two practically spend every moment with each other. In school and out of school, people can always fine the two of you in each other’s arm. When you guys are spending time apart it’s usually when Benny is with Ethan and you’re with the girls/Rory.
C - Cuddles (do they enjoy cuddling? what positions?)
Like earlier, Benny loves PDA. He especially loves it after a long day fighting monsters, he’ll come up to wrapping his arms around your shoulder and lightly put his body weight on you in a joking manner. That’s your cue to know the boy wants his cuddles. Bennys favorite positions when cuddling is either having your head resting on his chest with your arms around his waist or having his head on your lap so you could play with his hair.
D - Date (what was your first date?)
Benny would overthink everything for your first date. He wanted to make everything just perfect for you. So he enlisted the help of your best friend ( if you want Sarah/Erica/Rory/Or Ethan to be your best friend just ignore the best friend part). Your date would be in his backyard. It would consist of a picnic along with his own outdoor movie theater.
E - Excited (how excited do they get when they see you/are with you?)
Benny gets super excited when he sees you at school in the morning, he’ll drop everything to go greet you with a kiss and a pickup line. / Benny is more in awe of you dating him. He couldn’t believe you said yes when he asked you the first time.
F - Fighting (what happens when you fight)
I feel like with Bennys flirty behavior that would be the cause of most of your fights. Benny knows when you're upset when you disappear out of nowhere. Like you’re nowhere to be seen since you’re avoiding him. Benny has to track you down or pay Rory.
G - Gorgeous (pet names. what do they like to call you? what do they like to be called?)
Benny is definitely more creative for your nicknames “Sweetness, cherry, hot stuff, delicious". Anything to see you blush/ You call Benny names just to tease him by "Benny Boo, Benny Rabbit, Chipmunk, and Sweet Pea"
H - Hi (first time meeting)
The two of you met when you were asked to babysit in place of Sarah when she was "sick". You were making Jane a sandwich and having a debate over Dusk when the bell rang. Ethan was nowhere to be seen so you went to open the door. "Hey, Eth...Woah babe alert.. I mean hey! I'm Benny"
I - Intimacy (how romantic they are)
Benny loves getting you things, like flowers, teddy bears, chocolates. Bonus for him since he can practice his magic. he’s also gotten you necklaces and rings. Since you guys are still in high school he usually makes them homemade or gets a summer job.
J - Jealousy (do they get jealous? how do they react to you being jealous)
Look up the definition of jealously and Benny's photo will be there. Benny isn't jealous of Ethan but he is of Rory since Rory is just as flirty as Benny. Benny tries to hide his jealousy but fails to do so. / When you're jealous, Benny doesn't know if he thinks it's cute or hot. You don't hide your jealously. You'll go right up to Benny and make a snide comment to whoever is grabbing the attention of Benny.
K - Kisses (where do they like to kiss you/how often?)
If you're shorter than Benny, he'll give you forehead kisses, a peck on the nose, or a smooch on the cheek. If you're taller than him, he likes to give you small neck kisses, press on your hand, or just a plain kiss on the lips. Benny likes to kiss you every moment he can.
L - Love (when was the first time they said i love you or realized it?)
Benny realizes it after he almost dies after Jesse's comeback and was holding him by the neck. You were crying silently as you hid in a locker. The only thing running through his mind was you. he wanted to live the rest of his life with you, he wanted to have kids with you, that’s the only thing he could think of. thankfully, Sarah saved the day and you jumped right into his arms, crying into his chest. he whispers that he loves you over and over again.
M - Moving in (when do you decide to move in together)
You guys are teenagers let's remember that, you guys definitely talked about it though. The closest you guys got to living together was when your parents were out of town and went to stay with Benny. After college, you guys finally moved in though, rented an apartment together.
N - Newborn (their reaction to starting a family)
(If you don't kids skip over this one). Benny was super excited when he found the news. He spun you around the room and couldn't stop kissing you. Benny was already coming up with star-wars-themed names for your kid. He used this as an opportunity to practice his magic just in case your child would inherit his powers/ he used them to baby-proof the apartment.
O - Open (how open you are with one another)
Benny is an open book with you. Sometimes he shares a little too much but you don't mind. You guys have this time of the day where you go under any tree you can find and spill your feelings.
P - Photos (what kind of photos you take of them/they take of you)
Benny is a bit paranoid taking photos since the whole evil Benny situation. But before Benny would take pictures of you where you weren't paying attention, smiling at him or intimate photos of course with your consent. / You love taking photos of Benny when he's sleeping or giving you a smooch.
Q - Quirks (what random habits do you have that they love or hate/vice versa)
You have a problem with being careless, most of the time you jump into situations without thinking it which upsets him. Benny loves your quirk of randomly knowing things/ Benny tends to forget things that make date nights difficult which leads to some fights. You love Benny's quirk of puffing up his cheeks when he's in thought.
R - Recovery (how you help them after an injury/vice versa)
Benny freaks out every time but tries to hide it. (not very well ) and does everything in his power to make you comfortable./ If Benny gets injured, you’re his nurse which he’ll take advantage of in his own ways.
S - Solution (how they resolve fights)
the group usually has to get you two back together after a fight. you take a break from one another, and it’s awkward for the group. Until one of you misses the other and comes back with food/promises.
T- Touch (when they need/want your touch, what will they do? how often?)
Benny wants your touch all the time. He’s big fan of PDA and always has a hand on you or around you. Usually Benny will come up and gently grab your hand to plant a kiss but if you remove your hand before he gets the chance to, he’ll rest his chin on your head/shoulder and wait.
U- Waking Up With Them
waking up with Benny is the best. he has his arms around you every single time, he somehow manages to pull you into his arms in his sleep when you go to sleep on separate sides of the bed. if you’re still asleep, he just presses kisses to your forehead, trying to wake up a bit more before getting up and starting the day. if you’re up before him, you absolutely love playing with his messy hair and stroking his cheek.
V - Vacation (where they travel with you)
Weeks after planning and planning, you and Benny finally take a trip to ( your dream location). Benny wants to visit every corner with you as well as getting a souvenir.
W - Wedding (how they propose/where you get married/honeymoon)
Benny is a nervous wreck when he prepares to ask you. Looking around, stuttering, and tripping. You were beginning to think you were being followed and Benny didn’t want to scare you. You finally asked him what’s up and he grabbed your hands gently to pour his heart out. Benny was scared when no response came out of your mouth but a few minutes later you were covering his face in kisses and saying yes over and over again. You really didn’t have a BIG wedding but it was all your family and friends there.
X - X-factor (what about you captivated them?)
Benny loves your bluntness. He likes it how you tell everyone the truth and you’re not sorry about it.
Y - Yawning (how they act when they’re tired)
Benny tries to hide when he’s tired so he’ll be over exaggerating his emotions but when he’s tired to the point where he can’t hide it he’ll be less clingy and kinda shut off from the group. You can tell he’s tired when he begins to mumble or just stops talking overall.
Z - Zzzz (how you fall asleep together)
Benny doesn’t care about space. he wants to be as close to you as possible, breathing in your scent and feeling your warmth.
500 notes · View notes
dodo-begone · 3 years
Text
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New Normal
Pairing: Yandere!Tubbo x Reader (with some Ranboo)
Request: we need more yandere tubbo i absolutely love the way you wrote him shdhhfjd........ maybe a short fic or some headcanons elaborating on "waking up in the mansion one day"? maybe the reader gets more afraid than going along with it .. I'd love to see ranboos aspect regarding tubbos behavior as well 👀
Word count: 2.3 k
Warning: yandere, kidnapping, drugging
A/n: This is all platonic. Nothing romantic. Also this was meant to be short not this long oh lord.
The night had been unforgiving to you as of late. Every night you felt like you were being watched over. It was so weird. It didn’t matter if the windows were open or not. Or even if they had blinds over them. Your paranoia was being fed by every noise emanating from the darkness. Now you weren’t afraid of the dark, never had been. But now, oh god the dark was terrifying. The unknown of the dark scared you. Anything could be hiding in there. And with this new “admirer” of yours, your newfound fear of the shadows was being fed a damn feast. The last straw for you was when you came home one night and saw your window broken and front door open. It spooked you too much; what if they were still inside? You couldn’t risk that.
That’s how you found yourself in Tubbo’s house, on his couch, hunched over and shaking over a cup of tea. You don’t remember why you came here, in all honesty. There were so many other people you could have chosen that were more than capable of protecting you. There was Sam, Bad, Sapnap, even Technoblade. Yet you still went to Tubbo. He was a comforting presence for you. And you just really wanted some comfort for this new fear of yours. Is this what I child felt when they were scared of the dark and needed a flashlight? God now you feel so bad for making fun of little kids for needing those.
“Hey are you okay,” a hand just fucking attacks your shoulder and you wip around. Oh god what if the guy got you now- wait it’s just Tubbo. Wow you overreacted there. Your swift actions shocked Tubbo, making him take a few steps away from you. He held his hands up in the air; an attempt to show he meant no harm to you. But you were just relieved at the sight of Tubbo.
“I don’t know,” a lump was forming in your throat. The tea isn't helping at all. You were so upset that you couldn’t even tell what flavor it was. Nor did you ask Tubbo, but that didn’t matter. Only distractions mattered now; a way to get your mind off of the paranoid thoughts. “I think I am”. Your grip on the cup tightened. Some of that was you trying to ground yourself, but another part of it was just tension. It was becoming harder to breathe and you had no idea why. There wasn’t a reason. Start breathing normally again- uh what was that breathing exercise?
Tubbo came around the couch and sat by your side. “Hey, can you look at me really quick?” He grabbed your hands and you looked at him. Somehow looking into his eyes made it harder to breathe. “Okay now repeat after me- wait not repeat. Uh, do what I do. Ready?” You didn’t get a chance to reply before he started. “Okay take a deep breath with me. In through the mouth for five and out the nose for four. In for five, out for four.” A small pattern formed from the mantra. Something about the exercise was extremely comforting, but you were never sure on what it was. Well you knew it had to do with slowing your breathing and helping you focus, but you felt like there was something else to it. There had to be something else to it. Why else would it be able to calm you so well right now?
It took a while, but you finally calmed down. Well, “calmed down” being a relative term. You were tired and numb inside. Your attention was completely focused on the flames in the hearth. They were mesmerizing. Happily dancing away, illuminating the room.
You hadn’t realized what was happening. All you remember is looking at Tubbo and then everything just became blurry. The sting of tears stung your eyes. Oh, you were about to cry again. That’s so annoying, stupid. You had just calmed down and yet you’re still crying. Craving human contact must be a symptom of sadness or some shit because you looked at Tubbo for comfort. And he gave you exactly that; opening his arms to give you a hug. Without a second thought, you essentially flew into his arms. He accepted you immediately and held you close. The tears that had once been contained by a damn once again ran free. Slowly you grew tired. Oh how you despised the act of crying and how it drained you so. A little nap wouldn’t hurt.
__________________________________ The sunbeams were attacking you and it hurt so much. So bright, demanding. You didn’t want to get up. Sleepiness still held you captive, flowed through your body like the very blood you had. Yet the light was relentless, attacking your closed eyes through it’s armor. A valiant effort was made to stay asleep and keep the sunlight out of your eyes. But it was futile. Rolling over did nothing but illicit noise and made you mildly uncomfortable. When you finally gave in, you just stared blankly at the wall.
For a wall, it was pretty. Kinda. It was plain but a stylish kind of plain. A timeless look. It took ages to finally muster the energy to even sit up, but you still did. The view changed yet it didn’t at the same time. It was pretty empty in the room. Three doorways, two next to each other on your right and one on your left, a bed, some curtains, a small nightstand, and a bookshelf. Other than that, there was a ton of open space.
Once you regained some more consciousness, you slipped out of bed. There was a jingle, but you didn’t really pay attention to it. You definitely heard it, you just thought something fell on the floor. Whatever it was could wait. The unexplored room was just waiting for exploration, though you could have easily explored it from your bed because of how empty it was. When you got to one of the doors, you slowly opened it to reveal a closet. It was absolutely filled with clothes you liked. Or some you were missing. Didn’t you own that shirt at home? And that one too? Huh, what a coincidence. Pretty cool.
Not even two steps away from the closet was another door, which you also slowly opened. Didn’t want to hit anyone. Through that door was a bathroom. It was pretty big and pretty. Very shiny and clean. There were some care products in there, some shampoo and conditioner. But you stopped yourself from looking too much. You didn’t want to snoop. It was rather rude to do.
Grogley you turn toward the last mystery door. It was all the way on the other side of the room. Man you weren’t awake enough for this. Yawning, you start your way to the other doorway. That must be the way back to the rest of the mansion. Sadly you didn’t get far. Not even halfway there before you were stopped. More accurately tripped. Something made your foot slip from underneath, making you fall onto your stomach. Everything ached, but your ankle felt weird. It was a different pain. When you tried to pull it closer to examine it, something stopped it and the sound of metal hitting itself rang across the room. You nearly give yourself whiplash from how quickly you turn your head.
A metal cuff clung onto your ankle which in turn was connected to a tense chain. At the other end of the chain was one of the bedposts. Specifically the one closest to the closet and bathroom. That’s odd. Okay now what’s going on here? Oh did Tubbo do this to make you feel more secure? Well it was and wasn’t working all at the same time. Because who puts an ankle chain on somebody?
A knock interrupted your thoughts. From your spot on the floor, you whipped your head back around to the last mystery door. You stayed quiet, wondering if you were just imagining noises. But another knock soon came. It was undeniable, very pronounced and purposeful. Whoever was out there- what could they be here for. Panic started to overtake you again, but the sound of Tubbo’s voice coming from the other side of the door caught your attention.
“Can I come in,” Tubbo announces his presence again with another round of knocks. With the amount of noise you made, you were pretty sure he knew you were awake. But you still replied to him.
“Yeah you can.”
Not even a second after you reply, the door slowly opens and Tubbo peaks his head in. He seemed to have woken up with some bedhead, which made him look boyish. A little careless for physical appearances, which can be an endearing feature. Tubbo gave the room a sweeping look, checking for something. What exactly, you couldn’t tell. But apparently he was satisfied because he opened the doorway entirely. You swiftly stood up, getting as close to the door as you could.
On the other side of the door was Tubbo in some pajamas. He looked a little sleepy, but his happiness shone through it. You smiled at the sight of him, happy that someone came to get you out.
“Good morning, Tubbo!” You gave a toothy grin and spread your arms to emphasize your joy. “Sleep well?”
“Good morning!.” He gave you a toothy smile in return, but it looked odd. Like it was forced, nervous even. But you must’ve just been looking too far into it. “I slept pretty good. How’d you sleep?”
“I slept like a fucking rock,” you reply with a little laughter. “Honestly? Best sleep of the month, man. Really needed it. Thanks for letting me bunk at your place last night.”
“Not a problem at all,” his smile soon became more natural, much bigger. “I really enjoyed having you over”. It seemed like he was going to say something else, but stopped himself. The nervous look reappeared on his face, and you gave the most reassuring look you could. “So about you moving in-”
“Oh yeah that,” your smile disappeared as quickly as it came. “I can’t just do that Tubbo. I just can’t.” Tubbo seemed saddened by your response. “It’s not like I don’t want to live with you,” you explained. “I’d love to live with you and Ranboo, but I have other responsibilities. Things that have to be done very far from the mansion. Seriously, I’d love to stay.”
“Then stay.” It was a simple statement on his part. You thought it was a little banter.
“I’d stay if I could Tubbo. But I gotta go.”
“You can’t go.”
“Yes I can, Tubbo. Now can you please unchain me, I gotta go.” You lift your ankle and shake it along with the chain for emphasis.
But Tubbo doesn’t even give it a look before answering. “You can’t leave.”
His actions are words are a bit worrying now, huh. This is just a silly prank. Any second now he’ll say it’s a joke and release you. Yeah, any moment now.
That moment never comes though.
“Come on now,” Tubbo starts to lead you back to the bed. “Get back in bed. You still look tired.”
“I’m not tired Tubbo,” your voice hardens to emphasise the fact that you really don’t need this shit right now. “Look I’m completely fine and I have to go. This joke isn’t funny anymore. Just unlock the fucking cuff and I’ll be on my way.”
You two stop at the bed and he gently ushers you in. Climbing on the bed to give you a hug. Struggling against him does no good. If anything, it just makes things worse. He just tightens his grip like a damn python. Wtf why is this kid so strong and clingy? This definitely isn’t a good combo.
“Look you aren’t fine. See?” He emphasizes his point by hugging you tighter. Which you don’t like and groan in protest. “You need to rest. It’s fine. You’re home.”
Internally you start to panic. Yo, hold up, what the hell is he talking about? You know damn well you ain’t home or agreed to stay here. So what does he think he’s doing?
There’s a cough from the doorway, and both you and Tubbo’s attention is diverted to the newcomer. At the threshold of the room is Ranboo. A platter loaded with food held between his hands. He looks awkward standing there. And you don’t blame him because you felt awkward just being in the hug. You couldn’t even imagine the embarrassment you’d get from walking in on this shit. When your eyes meet, he gives you a small, unsure smile.
Movement behind Ranboo catches your attention. You look behind Ranboo’s legs to see Micheal clinging onto Ranboo’s pants. He looked so happy. Well, happy being debatable and interpretive. He looked normal but he was making his little happy noises. Micheal bounded over to you, stretching his arms out while making the most adorable little oink noises. You look between Tubbo and Ranboo for any sign. Literally anything for them. But Tubbo just encourages you. So you pick up Micheal and hold him close to your chest.
Tubbo gives a cheer of joy while Ranboo joins in, though a little less enthusiastic. Still the fact he sounded genuinely happy about this situation was worrying. Especially since he knew what was going on. Knew how wrong it all was. Micheal had no idea. Happily oinking way in your lap and messing with your hands. Suddenly two sets of arms entangle themselves around you; pulling themselves toward you for a hug.
Looking down at Micheal, you now question if the backstory you were told about him was true. Was he actually found wandering around? Or was he kidnapped, just like you?
651 notes · View notes
fanficshiddles · 3 years
Text
My Sweet Rose, Chapter 2
Rosie was really nervous as she walked along to the restaurant to meet Loki for their first date.
They had text a few times and he called her yesterday for a chat, that turned into an hour long. But it made her excited to see him again, though the nerves were still there, churning away in her stomach.
But as soon as she saw him waiting outside the restaurant for her, in a dashing all black suit, her worries started to melt away.
‘Hello, darling. So good to see you again.’ He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, then he surprised her by pulling her into a warm embrace.
It was one of the best hugs she had ever had. It wasn’t rushed, it was warm and she felt oddly safe. She breathed in deeply, feeling better already. And Loki knew it. He knew she was nervous, he could tell by her body language when she approached. But he could feel her relaxing in his arms.
Then taking her hand in his and giving her a reassuring squeeze, he led her inside the restaurant.
That had been the first of many hugs and hand holding, Rosie had been addicted to his hugs. She had always felt safe and secure in his arms, right from the start.
She didn’t sleep great at all after seeing Loki again, her mind was constantly on him. Worse than ever now, knowing he was in the same building as her. There was no way she could stay here now, not now he was here. It would be too painful every day to see him.
But she knew it would take a few weeks to get a new place organised, and she would need to look for a new job. The plus with this job with Pepper was the free lodgings, which was great. And the pay along with it was brilliant.
In the meantime, though, until she decided what she was going to do, she knew she had to put on her brave pants and try to get through it. To face him, well, ignore him but carry on.
Though as soon as she stepped out of her room, she was looking around paranoid about bumping into him. So she walked as quickly as she could towards the kitchen, she needed to grab something to eat before going to meet Pepper in the lab.
Of course, though, she was just heading into the kitchen when Loki walked right into her path.
She froze on the spot, eyes widening. Loki was sure he even saw her trembling.
‘Rose…’
Rosie took a step back from him.
‘We need to talk.’ He said in a firmer manner and reached out towards her arm, but she moved further away, shaking her head. Then she turned on her heels and ran off back down the corridor.
Loki felt his heart hurting.
It reminded him a bit of when they first started getting intimate together, exploring various kinks. She was very shy and nervous. Though nothing quite like now, she even seemed scared. Which hurt him the most.
‘You are simply divine, my darling.’ Loki hummed as he trailed his fingers down Rosie’s spine, making her tremble.
He stalked around her like a predator about to devour his prey. She was completely naked, stood in the middle of his bedroom while he was still fully clothed in dark black jeans and a deep green shirt, with the sleeves rolled up his forearms.
She was so nervous, she could barely even look him in the eye as he eyed her up. Her stomach was in knots and she felt like running out of the room, but she somehow managed to remain where she was.
‘No need to look so scared, my sweet Rose.’ Loki said as he tipped her chin up, forcing her to make eye contact. Though her eyes skirted all over his face, before eventually landing on his eyes and remaining there. Even if she was blushing hard and breathing heavy.
‘Daddy will take care of his good girl, always.’ He said softly and then stepped in closer to her, slipping his arms around her to pull her into him.
She breathed in deeply as she buried her face into his chest, feeling calmer already and safe in his embrace.
Whilst she was still nervous, she trusted Loki as he took her hand and led her to his bed. He was careful with her as he laid her down on her back and he straddled carefully over her, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand.
‘Raise your hands up above you, little one.’ He said firmly but kindly.
She knew if she was to panic or get really scared, she could safe word out of the situation. And whilst she hadn’t needed to use it yet, they had barely gotten started together with intimacy. But she knew that if she needed him to stop anything, that he would.
Loki pulled some long velvet material from down the side of his bed and he began to expertly tie her wrists together when she put them above her. He winked down at her as he then tied them to the headboard.
He saw her swallowing hard as she tugged on it a little, testing them. She was bound well. It made her excited, but more nervous again. It was actually happening.
Loki could tell her nerves were building again. He trailed the tips of his fingers slowly from her wrists down her arms, her inner elbows and then further down yet. She let out a small giggle and wriggled a bit under him as he reached her underarms and tickled her lightly for a few seconds, breaking the ice more and helping to distract her.
It didn’t all have to be serious, he wanted to make her comfortable. To enjoy it. To trust him. That was what it was all about. Especially since it was her first time being restrained.
‘Ticklish, are we?’ He teased and chuckled, moving further down her body. He tickled the sides of her breasts momentarily, enjoying the way they jiggled as she squirmed and laughed.
He leaned down and started sucking on her nipples, his fingers kept exploring further down to her hips. But his tickling touch then became firmer, her laughter became moans instead.
‘I wonder how ticklish my little one is down here.’ He growled and moved further down her body, spreading her legs open and making her a bit shy again as he focused on her cunt.
He ran his fingers up and down her outer folds first, then spread her open and started licking her softly, taking his time at first. He listened closely to the noises she was making, what she seemed to like and what drove her crazy. She was so aroused, his chin was covered with her juices and he hadn’t been down there for long yet.
When he focused on her clit, she almost bucked him off the bed. Making him chuckle against her. Then he growled and feasted on her like a starved man, paying plenty of attention to her clit.
‘Please… Can I cum, p… please!’ She cried out, unsure if she would be able to hold off even if he said no.
‘You may.’ Loki growled, only stopping briefly to give her permission before he was back to making her dance on his tongue.
‘Oh my, you taste exquisite.’ Loki purred after she had cum and he’d licked her clean, though that had just made her even messier. He crawled up over her and untied her wrists, surprising her slightly that it was over already, it hadn’t been scary at all like she thought it might be at first.
Loki slipped his arms around her and rolled them to the side, cradling her into him. She hid her face into the crook of his neck as he rubbed her back softly.
‘Such a good girl. Did you enjoy that?’ He asked, his voice just above a whisper.
She nodded and curled herself more into him, making him smile as he kissed the top of her head.
After mulling it over for an hour, Loki decided to go to her room and speak to her. She couldn’t run from him there.
Instead of knocking, he just teleported in. But he was annoyed to find she wasn’t there.
He knew he should’ve respected her privacy and just left. But his nosey-ness got the better of him. He had a look around her room. Ended up looking in her wardrobe and smiled fondly as he saw she still had the cute pyjamas and nighties that he’d gifted her. Including some cuddly toys at the bottom of her wardrobe.
Loki ended up wandering through into her bathroom. His brows furrowed as he spotted a bottle by the sink. It was prescribed drugs from the doctor he noted as he picked it up to take a look. He didn’t know what it was, but he made a mental note of the name. Then he left her room, not wanting to be caught snooping.
‘What were you doing in Rosie’s room?’ Pepper snapped at Loki when she caught him leaving.
Loki narrowed his eyes at her. ‘She isn’t in there, if that’s what you’re getting at.’
‘That makes it worse, you were in there without permission.’
Loki rolled his eyes, then asked what those pills were for that he’d found in her bathroom.
‘They are for anxiety and depression. Why?’ Pepper frowned.
Loki frowned too. ‘Why would Rose need them?’ He asked, appalled.
Pepper’s eyes widened. ‘I didn’t realise she was on them… But it’s no wonder after what you put her through.’
Loki didn’t listen to anymore. He teleported back into Rosie’s bathroom and grabbed the pills, then teleported to the kitchen to look for her. He spotted her in the corner of the room at a table, there was no one else around.
He stormed over towards her, perhaps a bit too quickly as she looked up and looked scared as he approached her. But then she was confused when he took her pills and put them down on the table on front of her.
‘Why are you filling your body with this ridiculous junk?’ Loki asked a bit too harshly, but he just couldn’t understand why she would do it.
Rosie was stunned for a moment, unable to process what the hell was going on.
‘I… I’ve needed them for a while now. They help.’ Rosie said quietly as she reached over the table and grabbed the bottle back.
Loki frowned. ‘These will mess with your mind, you don’t need them.’
‘You can’t tell me what I need or don’t need anymore! You gave that up when you just left me!’ Rosie snapped and stood up quickly, tears instantly started falling down her face.
‘I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, for anyone. That I wasn’t worthy of having a Daddy or even just a boyfriend. Not even worth two minutes of your time to tell me face to face or even call to tell me it was off. Instead you left me wondering for days, weeks, months, what happened and what I did wrong. Over and over I kept thinking about what I did wrong to make you leave, and what I could have done to keep you happy. These pills were the fourth ones to try, to help calm my brain down. To stop the dark thoughts from plaguing my mind every single day and night.’
She took a breath and tried to stop crying, but she just couldn’t. Her sight was all blurry.
‘It became obvious when I saw the news about you… I would be in no league for a God. But then I started mulling over why you even took interest in the first place. Probably nothing more than just a play toy, something to pass some of your time.’
Rosie was just folding up some of her washing in the living room while the TV was on in the background. She tried to keep herself busy enough, anything to try and stop herself from thinking about him. 
Suddenly an emergency news bulletin overcame the usual TV programmes. There was an attack happening in New York, aliens. 
Looking up at the TV, her eyes widened at seeing the destruction going on. She saw The Avengers there trying to save the day as always. 
But when the camera zoomed in briefly on the villain trying to take over, her heart stopped and she started sobbing uncontrollably. 
It was Loki. It was him. 
She couldn’t believe it as she fell to the floor on her hands and knees, crying and screaming in anger, frustration, sadness, fear. Everything rolled into one.
‘No wonder he left… He’s a God. I’m nothing but an ant in comparison, probably a toy for him to play with just to pass the time while he was here to scope out the planet.’ She rambled to herself as she hauled herself back up to her feet and threw the rest of her clothes on the floor, not caring anymore.
But that was the first of many days of not caring anymore, down a dark spiral.
Loki was stunned at her outburst. And seeing her so upset broke his heart, he was unable to do anything to comfort her. Not that he thought she would let him hold her anyway.
‘Rose… Rosie… I, that was never what’
Rosie didn’t give him a chance, she grabbed her things and darted past him, running out of the kitchen from him. And Loki found he was unable to move from the spot to go after her, as much as he wanted to.
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peach-pops · 4 years
Note
hai! i love your hc so much and i just done reading the akaashi with karasuno's manager, it's so cute! can you please make it again but with kuroo or tsukishima? thanks a lot 😄🖤
I frickin love Kuroo so this was just so easy to write. Like as I was writing this, I was making myself giddy UGH I wish he was real. ANYWAY I still used the training camp storyline because those episodes just hit differently. Also keep sending requests!
Kuroo’s Crush on the Karasuno Manager 
I always make it a point to say that Kuroo is a huge dork but I firmly believe that when he is interested in someone, he will stop at nothing to make it known how he feels so keep that in mind
When the training camp starts, Kuroo is actually pretty excited because he has friends on the other teams and it just makes the experience more fun than playing against strangers
He knows that Karasuno is coming but he is totally caught off guard when he sees you walk in with the team because the last time Nekoma played against Karasuno, you weren’t a manager so Kuroo is like ???? pretty girl????
Kuroo does a double-take when he sees you and he is not ashamed to stare at you from across the gym. I know in his mind he’s thinking “ what the hell are they putting in Karasuno’s water?” because literally everyone from Karasuno is hot and that’s a fact
You can feel a pair of eyes on you but in a room full of people it’s kinda hard to pinpoint who but when you see Kuroo staring back at you, you almost choke on your water because you think he’s too attractive to even be real
“ Y/N-are you okay?” You feel Daichi pat your back as you nod back quickly and you literally face the opposite direction because you’re so embarrassed
It doesn’t last long because now, you have to get into manager mode since Nekoma and Karasuno are on the court next 
During the game, Kuroo is absolutely killing it I mean this dude is always on his toes but he’s moving faster than ever today because he wants to get your attention 
You’re more focused on your team since you have to take notes but whenever Kuroo makes a point, you both look up at each other and he smiles as if he’s confirming that you saw his shot 
Of course, Nekoma ends up winning and while the Karasuno boys are outside running for losing, Kuroo uses this chance to try and talk to you 
“ I couldn’t help but notice that I caught your attention, like what you see?” 
“ Oh please, don’t let it get to your head. I’m just doing my job Captain.” 
Kuroo feels his confidence boost up when he hears you call him that because you know that dude lets it go straight to his head
“ So now we have nicknames for each other? This is perfect I was already creating a list of what I could call you, how does future wife sound?” 
“ Wow. That was.... terrible. You really need to work on your flirting skills cause this won’t work on other girls.” 
“ Does that mean it’s working on you?” 
You shake your head and laugh as you look off to the side like you’re on the office because bruh, of course, it’s working on you but you’re not going to give him the satisfaction 
He uses the pause in the conversation to introduce himself but right after you introduce yourself, you get called to help the boys with their water
Daichi is totally staring Kuroo down btw 
You say your quick goodbyes but even as your walking away, Kuroo is still standing there with his hands on his hips and a huge smirk on his face because while you’re not giving into him completely, he loves a challenge 
Most of the day, Nekoma and Karasuno are both on their own courts playing matches at different times of the day and it seems like every time you both have a free minute, something always comes up 
Kuroo actually feels super down because he actually wants to have a conversation with you but you’re super busy during dinner 
plus he can’t get a word in around you when the Karasuno boys are guarding you like hawks 
You were feeling so drained from the day so after dinner, you go straight to bed but in the middle of the night you have to use the restroom so you get up and walk over in the dark to the nearest one which is down the hall 
You’re pretty freaked out because it is pretty dark and before bed, the boys were telling scary stories so you were definitely paranoid that someone was going to come up from behind a corner and murder you 
After you finished up in the bathroom, you walked back to the room but you bump into someone and you could feel your soul leave your body and you let out the wimpiest shriek ever 
“ Wha- It’s me!” Kuroo whispers loudly before he lets out a louder laugh,” you are so easy to scare I didn’t even do anything!”
“ I was not scared! I was just startled...there’s a difference. What are you even doing up?” 
Kuroo holds up some money and nods towards the end of the hallway,” Vending machine, you should come with me. I can walk you back to your room after so you don’t get scared again and wake up the whole school.” 
You let out an annoyed huff but you walk side by side with Kuroo as the two of you silently chat about how the training camp is going
Even though there’s hardly enough light, Kuroo still can’t help but stare at you when you’re not looking up at him. 
He knows everything between the two of you is just playful for now but he knows he is already catching feelings and he hasn’t even known you for a full day
Kuroo gets two drinks in the vending machine and hands you one before he sits down against the wall. He uses it to see if you’ll join him or not and luckily you accept his offer and sit down right beside him 
“ You know, we’re gonna beat Karasuno again tomorrow, I just wanted to give you a heads up.”
“ That’s pretty bold of you to say. You’ve seen how the guys play, they’re starting to get a real rhythm going and I wouldn’t be surprised if we turn things around tomorrow” You smirked as you leaned your head against the wall. 
The thing about Kuroo was that gears were always turning in his head and working overtime. He wasn’t a crazy overthinker by any means but he was always thinking of ideas so he started developing a plan in his head
“ Tell you what, let’s make a bet right here. If Nekoma wins tomorrow, you have to go on a date with me.” 
LOOK AND LISTEN  Kuroo is hardly ever this bold with a girl he likes no matter what anybody says but he knows that there’s a small possibility that could say yes and that’s all he needs to boost his ego 
“ And what if you guys lose?” 
“ Trust me, we won’t lose, shake on it?” 
You look down at Kuroo’s hand and without a second thought, you shake it softly,” Good luck Captain. You’ll need it.” 
TRUST ME Kuroo did not get a wink of sleep because all he could think about that night was where he would take you two on a date because obviously, he knew Nekoma would win, especially now since he had even more motivation than the day before 
You weren’t sure why you were so nervous to watch Karasuno and Nekoma’s game because after all, it wasn’t like it was a real tournament but you could feel that the overall vibe on the court gym was different
If you thought Kuroo was playing aggressively yesterday, than oh boy you were in for it when this game rolled through 
Not a single ball went through Kuroo when he was at the front. This boy was DETERMINED to land a date with you 
With every point Nekoma lost, that only fueled Kuroo to do even better than before and it was no surprise that Nekoma took both sets
After the teams shook hands and thanked each other for the game, Kuroo headed straight towards you with the biggest smile on his face
“ So, what do you think?”
“ Mm, I think you’re pretty sweaty to be honest,” you laughed as Kuroo used the back of his hand to wipe his forehead,” but congratulations, you actually weren’t half bad. I’m guessing I owe you a date then?” 
“ Yep, seems like it. Although if you want to go ahead and congratulate me in some other way, I wouldn’t stop you,” Kuroo tapped his cheek with his finger as he leaned his head down for you to kiss his cheek.
OMG IM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM JUST IMAGINE GAHHHH
You rolled your eyes as you felt the eyes of some of the Nekoma and Karasuno players looking towards the two of you. You stood up on your tippy-toes as you pressed a light kiss onto his cheek which earned some oooooos from Nekoma  and curses from Karasuno 
“ KUROO STEP AWAY FROM HER IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!”
“ Aw that’s cute, look at Daichi being protective.” 
“ Um, no,he’s serious. You should really go now.”
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simeonisalesbian · 3 years
Note
hey would it be okay if i requested the boys with a mc who gets easily paranoid/anxious and mc goes to them for comfort? and i hope you’re having a nice day/night :)
We love soft comfort in this house 💙💚💙💚 also I hope you have a great day or night as well anon ^.^
Lucifer:
no matter how late it is Lucifer is almost always working
So its guaranteed that if you knock on his office door he'll be there
he knows he's not the best at comfort but he will still do his best
He'll make sure he has a soothing record playing and offer to let you sit with him while he works
Wether you choose the chair across from him or his lap is up to you of course
he'll also listen to you fears promising to try to agrange a way make it so you don't have to worry so much.
Mammon:
hes thrilled that you trust him enough to come to him when you're scared
He's your first man after all! It's his job to protect you
he'll be sure to give you plenty of hugs and cuddles if you want and he'll tell you about his latest scheme to get a bit of extra cash
he'll also Crack a bunch of jokes in hopes that you'll at least smile
His main goal here is to distract from what was making you nervous in the first place
Leviathan:
he also gets anxious really easily so he understands how you feel
That being said he’s not use to being the one doing the comforting so he's not entirely sure what to do
He offers up his collection of games for you to play and offers to watch an anime with you if you want
he also points out that he and Henry 2.0 are great listeners if you want to talk
He isn't really good at close contact like hugs and stuff but he does give you one of his anime plushies to hug if you need
He'll also offer to hold your hand if you want and you can lean your head on his shoulder while watching anime
Satan:
he's not the most accustomed to giving comfort but he is very willing to learn
Will ask you exactly what you need or want in the moment and will make sure to remember it for next time too
If you aren't sure he'll offer a few suggestions like soothing tea or he'll read aloud to you
he also isn't the best with hugs but he does offer to hold you if you need it. He's just a bit tense while doing so
he also offers to fight whatever is making you paranoid. It's half a joke but he will actually fight the source if you genuinely want that.
Asmodeus:
immediately wants to shower you in hugs and kisses to comfort you.
But he’ll give you space if that's what you need too
Arranges plenty of slef care options for you to choose from anything from getting your nails painted to having a massage
He'll tell you about all the latest gossip and tell you funny stories from parties he attended. Anything to see your wonderful smile again
He's not the best at listening since he likes to talk so much but he will try to listen without interrupting you. He will end up putting in small words of comfort while you talk though
Beelzebub:
he immediately asks if you want a hug. He gives the best hugs and he is aware of how comforting that can be
His next thought is to ask what you want to eat. Because in Beel's mind it's not an if. Food can and will fix everything
even if you aren’t hungry he will at least offer a small bit of food.
he'll also offer to hold on a walk with you. The fresh air and exercise can help distract and calm you down too.
He's also not big on talking so he'll listen to you and just nod along for hours on end if you want.
Belphegor:
he'll make sleepy grabby hands at you asking you to come cuddle
If you take a nap with him you can't be scared. He'll be sure to keep away any pesky nightmares too
he knows he's not the best listener since he usally ends up falling asleep but he does offer to try
does offer to make a pillow fort with you. Nothing bad can happen in a pillow fort after all.
if he's awake enough he'll offer to go to the planetarium with you and tell you about each constellation and the story behind them
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strawberrylemonz · 3 years
Text
A Lovely Encounter
Part 5
Part 6 [CURRENT]
Part 7
(DT: @applepie1000 @petrichormeraki @jump-in-the-cadillac )
------------
“I’ll be okay, they’re already waiting for me in the Hub.”
“What if I just walk you to-”
“Grian, I’ll be okay!”
Tommy huffed for the fifth time in a row as Grian tried to follow him around. Chat was fawning over Grian’s protectiveness over Tommy, something that annoyed the younger boy big time. Kristin, happily settle in her new house, laughed as Tommy griped at his brother. Finally feeling tired from all the laughing, put a hand on Grian’s arm as she messed with Tommy’s hair.
“Let Tommy be on his way. You don’t want him to deal with angry ladies, trust me.”
Grateful, Tommy ducked under Grian’s hand and thanked Kristin. Before Grian could utter another word, he ran towards the Hub portal. Opening his inventory, he made sure that he had everything he needed. Letting out a sigh of relief, he climbed into the portal without a single thought. Stepping out into the portal station, Tommy couldn’t help but smile as the chattering of other people filled the air. Humming a familiar tune, the made his way to the center. He felt a light, cold hand grab his shoulder, squeezing it slightly. Peering over, he saw one of the individual spirits, swaggerrsouls_, peering down to him while floating above everyone else. Giving a blank smile, the spirit pointed behind Tommy.
“The girls are approaching from behind” 
Nodding a thanks to the spirit, he turned around, smiling. He let out a laugh as Drista groaned, playfully stomping her foot. Lani just laughed as she pushed Drista and waved at Tommy. Drista pulled the girl back and ran up to Tommy, giving him a nudge.
“How dare you catch us before we could jumpscare you.”
“You can’t scare me, I’m fucking badass. Now, let’s go see Tubbo.”
Lani happily interjected as soon as those words left Tommy’s mouth. 
“Oh! About my brother, he kinda, maybe, doesn’t know you’re coming.”
“What?!”
Panic settled into Tommy’s stomach. Tubbo didn’t know he was coming? What was going to happen? Would Tubbo turn him away? Yell at him? Did he not want to see him?
“Don’t worry! You’re a surprise! He’s been doing well, but he’s been missing you very much! Drista and I figured that you would surprise him with a visit?”
Huffing, Tommy crossed his arms with annoyance. Sighing, he nodded his head at the girls, who shared a high five.
“Just let me know this shit beforehand. Nearly panicked while working myself up to greeting him upon entering. Now I’ve gotta quickly work myself up to surprising him.”
As the girls apologized, waving off the boy, the pulled him over to a portal. Rolling his eyes, he peered up at the sign of the portal.
Stampy’s Lovely World
Lovely? Tommy couldn’t help but smile at that. Out of everyone he knew, Tubbo was one of the few that deserved to thrive in a peaceful place. Nearly toppling over as he was pulled forward by the eager girls, Tommy entered the portal to the new world.
--------
It truly was lovely. After exchanging a nervously polite greeting to the admin, Stampy, who was getting ready to board his hot air balloon, he set off with the girls as they walked through the magnificent world. He was honestly blown away with the creativity, love, care and dedication put in it all. Going through the amazing, colorful builds, the girls slowed down as they approached a cozy section, one that was easy on the eyes after all the color they walked through. Three cottages with different designs sat peacefully by each other. Bees were buzzing around in peace, pollinating the random flowers strewn around the ground. A small pond full of fish sat in between the center of the three cottages, each fish swimming in peace. Lani nodded before turning to the other two.
“Okay, here’s the plan, so listen up. I’ll go and get Tubbo and blindfold him, telling him that Drista and I got him a gift. Meanwhile, Drista, you hide Tommy in the present box we got-”
“Wait, I’m gonna be in a fucking box-”
“-and wait until I bring him over. Then, most likely confused by the size of the box, my brother will open it cautiously. Then, BAM!!! TOMMY’S HERE!!!”
“Sounds good to me!”
“Use a knife to get him to move faster.”
Lani laughed before bidding adieu, heading towards one of the houses. Once she was out of sight, Drista pulled a nervous Tommy over towards the back of the houses.
“Alright, get in the box, nerd.”
--------
The box was tiring to stand in for Tommy. Why couldn’t the girls pick a wider box? At least, then, he could lay down while he waited. Doing his best not to make a single noise or move that could give him away, Tommy tried to entertain himself as he stood there, ignoring the way his knees began to buckle. Just as he was about to groan, a familiar voice caused him to freeze.
“Where are you taking me? If you push me into the pond, Lani, I will pull you in with me.”
“I’m not pushing you in the pond! Stop being so paranoid!”
Tommy sucked in a nervous breath as he heard the footsteps stop. After a few seconds, the speaking began.
“A box?”
“Open it! Your present is inside!”
“It’s the best gift you’ll ever receive, guaranteed. Lani and I really popped off this time.”
“Really? Even better than the-”
“Absolutely, even better than the bees.”
Tommy prepared himself as he heard the wrapping paper being torn away. He heard nervous laughing as the box was being opened. A beam of sunlight caused him to shield his face from being blinded. Once he adjusted, he put down his hand, coming face to face with Tubbo, who looked as if he was seeing a ghost. Giving a nervous chuckle, Tommy opened his arms with hesitation.
“Hey, Tub- OOF”
Tommy didn’t even get to finish as he fell back, falling to the ground. Propping himself up with one arm, he peered down at the sobbing mess in his arms. His sobbing mess of a best friend. His Tubbo. Feeling the tears well up in his own eyes, Tommy engulfed Tubbo in a firm, desperate hug. Together, the two boys embraced each other in relieved tears as Drista and Lani shared a fist bump, smiling brightly at the scene before them.
“We’re awesome”
“Oh, absolutely, no questioning it”
--------
“So the same portal we both fell in took us to different servers? That’s strange”
“Totally. Need some help with that honey?”
The girls had left to play mini games much earlier, leaving the two boys to catch up in peace. They filled each other in with that they had been up to prior to that day. Tubbo was quite shocked to see that Tommy was much calmer than he remembered, more mellow. He was even more shocked to find out about his family. 
“What? You have another brother? And a mother?”
“I know, right? Nearly had a breakdown about Grian. Finding Kristin was hilarious, though.”
The two boys exchanged stories and adventures with each other, not wanted to leave anything out from their time spent apart. They didn’t even notice when the girls came back, announcing that it was time for Tommy to head back.
“I swear, he’s overreacting! I mean, I know why he’s adding a curfew, but I’m an adult now!”
The girls teased Tommy about his brother, who, according to him, was reading too much into Tommy spending too much time outside of the server. As annoyed as he was at it, Tommy understood his reasonings. Kristin hasn’t been told the whole story, but he just knew that she’d be the same way once she found out about what he’s gone through. Holding onto Tubbo’s hand, the four of them headed towards the portal to Hub. Once they arrived, Tommy let out a shaky breath as he squeezed his best friend’s hand.
“I’ll be back, okay? Not only do I need to bless you lot with my presence, I’ve gotta take proper measurements to make you guys your outfits for the gala. VIP and shit, that’s what you guys are! Custom made, just for you. Be safe, I’ll see you guys soon.”
Drista was the first to throw herself in for a hug. But, as predicted, she was also the first to pull away after Tommy hugged back for more than two seconds. Giving him a soft punch, she reminded him to pick a good color for her. Lani was next to embrace him, thanking him for taking the time to come to the server. Letting him know that she trusted his choices regarding her outfit, she let go with a smile. Tubbo didn’t even get the chance to move in for a hug, mainly due to Tommy wordlessly pulling him into one. The two stayed like that for a while, holding each other, scared to let go. As he pulled away, however, Tommy pulled something out of his inventory. Smiling at Tubbo, he gently placed it into his hand. 
“I’ll see you soon, Tubbo. Be safe.”
The three watched, waved, as Tommy disappeared through the portal. Peering down, Tubbo examined the gift. It was a replica of the green bandana from the Dream SMP. The only difference, however, was the little bees sewn on the end of it. Holding it close, Tubbo smiled as he walked back home, his sister and sister figure following behind, laughing amongst themselves.
Everything would be okay.
--------
Too much in a good mood to be bothered, Tommy paid no mind to the people who pushed past him in the Hub. Humming to himself, he almost missed the sound of soft whimpering. Stopping in his tracks, he listened closely, hearing it again. Frowning, he followed the noise to the source.
It was a small child, a little girl. She was a bit scuffled and was crying in front of a dark colored portal. Frowning, he looked up to see the name of the portal that she appeared to have come out of.  
2b2t
He had heard tales of the server from Phil, who spoke of the terrors that the anarchist server held. Blood running cold, he carefully bent down in front of the girl, carefully watching his tone. 
“Are you alright?”
She seemed frightened and hurt, reeling back from him and into the solid blocks of the portal. Doing his best not to scare her off, he offered a kind smile and a flower, to which she accepted after a moments hesitation. Seeing this as a promising sign, he tried again.
“Are you alright?”
The girl, who appeared to be no older than two, shook her head. Ignoring her own small injuries, she held up a torn stuffed bear. The sound of her small, soft, raspy voice caught him off guard.
“Broken...”
Humming, he looked around the crowd, searching for anyone who may have been looking for a child. Frowning, he bent back down to the child, who was looking at him with newfound hope. 
“Where’s your parent’s? Maybe they can fix up your bear for you. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
The young girl looked down at her scraped hands. Shaking her head, she Tommy’s pointed gaze to the 2b2t portal beside her. Her small voice spoke up, breaking the young adult’s heart.
“Broken”
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imagine-loki · 3 years
Text
My Sweet Rose, Chapter 2
TITLE: My Sweet Rose CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 2 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you are secretly a little but no one knows, one day you decide to check out a local BDSM club to try and get a feel of the community. You meet a handsome stranger that, over the next few months, shows you all about the lifestyle. However, one day… he vanishes without a word. 
RATING: M NOTES: Daddy/little dynamic & Flashbacks will be in Bold.
Rosie was really nervous as she walked along to the restaurant to meet Loki for their first date.
They had text a few times and he called her yesterday for a chat, that turned into an hour long. But it made her excited to see him again, though the nerves were still there, churning away in her stomach.
But as soon as she saw him waiting outside the restaurant for her, in a dashing all black suit, her worries started to melt away.
‘Hello, darling. So good to see you again.’ He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, then he surprised her by pulling her into a warm embrace.
It was one of the best hugs she had ever had. It wasn’t rushed, it was warm and she felt oddly safe. She breathed in deeply, feeling better already. And Loki knew it. He knew she was nervous, he could tell by her body language when she approached. But he could feel her relaxing in his arms.
Then taking her hand in his and giving her a reassuring squeeze, he led her inside the restaurant.
That had been the first of many hugs and hand holding, Rosie had been addicted to his hugs. She had always felt safe and secure in his arms, right from the start.
She didn’t sleep great at all after seeing Loki again, her mind was constantly on him. Worse than ever now, knowing he was in the same building as her. There was no way she could stay here now, not now he was here. It would be too painful every day to see him.
But she knew it would take a few weeks to get a new place organised, and she would need to look for a new job. The plus with this job with Pepper was the free lodgings, which was great. And the pay along with it was brilliant.
In the meantime, though, until she decided what she was going to do, she knew she had to put on her brave pants and try to get through it. To face him, well, ignore him but carry on.
Though as soon as she stepped out of her room, she was looking around paranoid about bumping into him. So she walked as quickly as she could towards the kitchen, she needed to grab something to eat before going to meet Pepper in the lab.
Of course, though, she was just heading into the kitchen when Loki walked right into her path.
She froze on the spot, eyes widening. Loki was sure he even saw her trembling.
‘Rose…’
Rosie took a step back from him.
‘We need to talk.’ He said in a firmer manner and reached out towards her arm, but she moved further away, shaking her head. Then she turned on her heels and ran off back down the corridor.
Loki felt his heart hurting.
It reminded him a bit of when they first started getting intimate together, exploring various kinks. She was very shy and nervous. Though nothing quite like now, she even seemed scared. Which hurt him the most.
‘You are simply divine, my darling.’ Loki hummed as he trailed his fingers down Rosie’s spine, making her tremble.
He stalked around her like a predator about to devour his prey. She was completely naked, stood in the middle of his bedroom while he was still fully clothed in dark black jeans and a deep green shirt, with the sleeves rolled up his forearms.
She was so nervous, she could barely even look him in the eye as he eyed her up. Her stomach was in knots and she felt like running out of the room, but she somehow managed to remain where she was.
‘No need to look so scared, my sweet Rose.’ Loki said as he tipped her chin up, forcing her to make eye contact. Though her eyes skirted all over his face, before eventually landing on his eyes and remaining there. Even if she was blushing hard and breathing heavy.
‘Daddy will take care of his good girl, always.’ He said softly and then stepped in closer to her, slipping his arms around her to pull her into him.
She breathed in deeply as she buried her face into his chest, feeling calmer already and safe in his embrace.
Whilst she was still nervous, she trusted Loki as he took her hand and led her to his bed. He was careful with her as he laid her down on her back and he straddled carefully over her, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand.
‘Raise your hands up above you, little one.’ He said firmly but kindly.
She knew if she was to panic or get really scared, she could safe word out of the situation. And whilst she hadn’t needed to use it yet, they had barely gotten started together with intimacy. But she knew that if she needed him to stop anything, that he would.
Loki pulled some long velvet material from down the side of his bed and he began to expertly tie her wrists together when she put them above her. He winked down at her as he then tied them to the headboard.
He saw her swallowing hard as she tugged on it a little, testing them. She was bound well. It made her excited, but more nervous again. It was actually happening.
Loki could tell her nerves were building again. He trailed the tips of his fingers slowly from her wrists down her arms, her inner elbows and then further down yet. She let out a small giggle and wriggled a bit under him as he reached her underarms and tickled her lightly for a few seconds, breaking the ice more and helping to distract her.
It didn’t all have to be serious, he wanted to make her comfortable. To enjoy it. To trust him. That was what it was all about. Especially since it was her first time being restrained.
‘Ticklish, are we?’ He teased and chuckled, moving further down her body. He tickled the sides of her breasts momentarily, enjoying the way they jiggled as she squirmed and laughed.
He leaned down and started sucking on her nipples, his fingers kept exploring further down to her hips. But his tickling touch then became firmer, her laughter became moans instead.
‘I wonder how ticklish my little one is down here.’ He growled and moved further down her body, spreading her legs open and making her a bit shy again as he focused on her cunt.
He ran his fingers up and down her outer folds first, then spread her open and started licking her softly, taking his time at first. He listened closely to the noises she was making, what she seemed to like and what drove her crazy. She was so aroused, his chin was covered with her juices and he hadn’t been down there for long yet.
When he focused on her clit, she almost bucked him off the bed. Making him chuckle against her. Then he growled and feasted on her like a starved man, paying plenty of attention to her clit.
‘Please… Can I cum, p… please!’ She cried out, unsure if she would be able to hold off even if he said no.
‘You may.’ Loki growled, only stopping briefly to give her permission before he was back to making her dance on his tongue.
‘Oh my, you taste exquisite.’ Loki purred after she had cum and he’d licked her clean, though that had just made her even messier. He crawled up over her and untied her wrists, surprising her slightly that it was over already, it hadn’t been scary at all like she thought it might be at first.
Loki slipped his arms around her and rolled them to the side, cradling her into him. She hid her face into the crook of his neck as he rubbed her back softly.
‘Such a good girl. Did you enjoy that?’ He asked, his voice just above a whisper.
She nodded and curled herself more into him, making him smile as he kissed the top of her head.
After mulling it over for an hour, Loki decided to go to her room and speak to her. She couldn’t run from him there.
Instead of knocking, he just teleported in. But he was annoyed to find she wasn’t there.
He knew he should’ve respected her privacy and just left. But his nosey-ness got the better of him. He had a look around her room. Ended up looking in her wardrobe and smiled fondly as he saw she still had the cute pyjamas and nighties that he’d gifted her. Including some cuddly toys at the bottom of her wardrobe.
Loki ended up wandering through into her bathroom. His brows furrowed as he spotted a bottle by the sink. It was prescribed drugs from the doctor he noted as he picked it up to take a look. He didn’t know what it was, but he made a mental note of the name. Then he left her room, not wanting to be caught snooping.
‘What were you doing in Rosie’s room?’ Pepper snapped at Loki when she caught him leaving.
Loki narrowed his eyes at her. ‘She isn’t in there, if that’s what you’re getting at.’
‘That makes it worse, you were in there without permission.’
Loki rolled his eyes, then asked what those pills were for that he’d found in her bathroom.
‘They are for anxiety and depression. Why?’ Pepper frowned.
Loki frowned too. ‘Why would Rose need them?’ He asked, appalled.
Pepper’s eyes widened. ‘I didn’t realise she was on them… But it’s no wonder after what you put her through.’
Loki didn’t listen to anymore. He teleported back into Rosie’s bathroom and grabbed the pills, then teleported to the kitchen to look for her. He spotted her in the corner of the room at a table, there was no one else around.
He stormed over towards her, perhaps a bit too quickly as she looked up and looked scared as he approached her. But then she was confused when he took her pills and put them down on the table on front of her.
‘Why are you filling your body with this ridiculous junk?’ Loki asked a bit too harshly, but he just couldn’t understand why she would do it.
Rosie was stunned for a moment, unable to process what the hell was going on.
‘I… I’ve needed them for a while now. They help.’ Rosie said quietly as she reached over the table and grabbed the bottle back.
Loki frowned. ‘These will mess with your mind, you don’t need them.’
‘You can’t tell me what I need or don’t need anymore! You gave that up when you just left me!’ Rosie snapped and stood up quickly, tears instantly started falling down her face.
‘I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, for anyone. That I wasn’t worthy of having a Daddy or even just a boyfriend. Not even worth two minutes of your time to tell me face to face or even call to tell me it was off. Instead you left me wondering for days, weeks, months, what happened and what I did wrong. Over and over I kept thinking about what I did wrong to make you leave, and what I could have done to keep you happy. These pills were the fourth ones to try, to help calm my brain down. To stop the dark thoughts from plaguing my mind every single day and night.’
She took a breath and tried to stop crying, but she just couldn’t. Her sight was all blurry.
‘It became obvious when I saw the news about you… I would be in no league for a God. But then I started mulling over why you even took interest in the first place. Probably nothing more than just a play toy, something to pass some of your time.’
Rosie was just folding up some of her washing in the living room while the TV was on in the background. She tried to keep herself busy enough, anything to try and stop herself from thinking about him. 
Suddenly an emergency news bulletin overcame the usual TV programmes. There was an attack happening in New York, aliens. 
Looking up at the TV, her eyes widened at seeing the destruction going on. She saw The Avengers there trying to save the day as always. 
But when the camera zoomed in briefly on the villain trying to take over, her heart stopped and she started sobbing uncontrollably. 
It was Loki. It was him. 
She couldn’t believe it as she fell to the floor on her hands and knees, crying and screaming in anger, frustration, sadness, fear. Everything rolled into one.
‘No wonder he left… He’s a God. I’m nothing but an ant in comparison, probably a toy for him to play with just to pass the time while he was here to scope out the planet.’ She rambled to herself as she hauled herself back up to her feet and threw the rest of her clothes on the floor, not caring anymore.
But that was the first of many days of not caring anymore, down a dark spiral.
Loki was stunned at her outburst. And seeing her so upset broke his heart, he was unable to do anything to comfort her. Not that he thought she would let him hold her anyway.
‘Rose… Rosie… I, that was never what’
Rosie didn’t give him a chance, she grabbed her things and darted past him, running out of the kitchen from him. And Loki found he was unable to move from the spot to go after her, as much as he wanted to.
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obwjam · 3 years
Note
okay your writing is amazing. could u write something with bucky and sam finding a scared tiny? to celebrate the falcon and the winter soldier coming out
fjsdflksfl thank u!! 🥺 i literally love them so much it’s a problem i cannot wait for ep 2
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“Sam, what the hell is that?”
“What--I don’t know! What makes you think I would know?”
“I don’t know! Maybe it’s some 21st century thing--”
“21st century thing -- do you know what you sound like sometimes? Like a parody, that’s what.”
“Hey, how am I supposed to--”
“Come on man, stop yelling! Look. You’re scaring it.”
“Her.”
“What?”
“I said her! I… think it’s a her.”
Sam narrowed his eyes at the tiny, cowering figure in front of him. Whatever this thing was, it did have long hair and female-looking features. 
“Fine. Her. You’re scaring her. Happy?”
“Yes I am, actually. Thank you.”
“Ugh.” Sam rolled his eyes. It had taken Bucky months to finally answer his texts, and when he arrived at his old acquaintance’s apartment, they had found this little thing wandering around the countertop. Just his luck that he couldn’t have one normal day in his life.
“...what are we gonna do with her?” Bucky asked, the snippiness gone from his voice. He thought he was being paranoid. He didn’t have a whole lot of stuff in his possession, so anytime something went missing or was moved around, he noticed. Ever since he had moved in, he had a feeling he was being watched. He thought it was just a symptom of being a civilian after having been a killing machine on autopilot for 70 years. 
“Do we have to do anything?” Sam frowned, peering harder. The girl was visibly shaking, clutching onto what he could only assume was some kind of homemade satchel. “She looks terrified.”
“I think I would be too if I were her,” Bucky said, leaning in a bit closer to get a better look at her. She flinched and stumbled backwards, making Bucky’s heart wrench. Their gazes were locked, and Bucky swore he could feel her fear just by looking at her eyes. Maybe he could just…
“Hey, hey, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Sam warned, putting his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. His gloved hand had started to move toward her, and the fear in her eyes only intensified.
“I don’t want her to run away,” Bucky said quietly. “She could get hurt.”
She gulped. Not only had she been discovered, but the giants weren’t going to let her go? She should have known this was going to happen. This is why borrowers never test their luck.
“Look, I wanna help too, but…” Sam trailed off. It felt weird talking about her when she was right there in front of them. He turned his attention to her, and he saw her clutch her bag harder and bring one of her legs back. She was preparing to run. “What’s your name?”
She was frozen. Why would he want to know her name? 
“It’s alright,” Sam said softly. He bent down so his face was at her level. “I’m Sam. This is Bucky. I know you’re probably freakin’ out down there, but we don’t wanna hurt you.”
Her eyes darted from giant to giant. She had never seen the one in front of her before -- Sam. And the one who owned this place -- Bucky -- rarely ever said a word. He spent most of his time watching TV, cooking or sleeping. She had quickly learned that borrowing at night would be a no-go with the way he woke up screaming and sweating almost every night. But he went out every single afternoon without fail. How was she supposed to know he’d come back with somebody this time?
“I don’t think she can understand us,” Bucky said, hovering over Sam’s shoulder.
“That’s bullshit. Of course she can understand us.” He paused. “You can understand us, right?”
Meekly, the tiny girl nodded. Sam turned to Bucky with an “of course I was right” face.
“P-please…” she whimpered. Sam and Bucky looked at her in surprise. “Please--please let me go…”
Sam was taken aback. “We’re not… nobody’s keeping you here,” he said so quietly it was practically a whisper. Her eyes flashed up to Bucky, who was looking at her with his mouth agape. 
“He wants to.”
Sam turned his head to Bucky. He looked wildly uncomfortable.
“Man, we gotta let her go,” Sam said, a hint of melancholy to his voice.
“It’s not safe for you out there,” Bucky replied immediately, addressing the girl. “We can help you.”
“N-no, you--you can’t,” she spluttered, taking a few small steps backwards. The two stared at each other in a long silence, eyes trembling. 
She had to make her move.
She spun on her heels and pushed off her back foot toward the small crack in the wall she had entered through minutes earlier. She nearly tripped as her momentum shifted, but she was able to center herself as she picked up speed. 
But before she could get very far, she smacked into something. She could barely even blink before a massive gloved hand slammed down in front of her path and she helplessly bounced off it, falling to the ground in a heap. Why did it just feel like she hit a brick wall?
“Dude!” Sam yelled, standing up to his full height and grabbing Bucky’s shoulders. He pushed him, and the two staggered backwards. Bucky’s gaze never left the girl. 
“What the hell was that! You hurt her!”
“I…” Bucky started, but he stopped himself. He couldn’t really explain why he did what he just did. The girl groaned, rolling over onto her back as the pain slowly melted and gave way to terror. It didn’t matter what she wanted to do. She was powerless against them. She slowly sat up, brought her hands to her face and began to cry.
“Good going, man,” Sam groaned, giving Bucky a shove before turning back to the girl.
“Hey, it--it’s alright,” Sam tried to sound soothing. “Don’t cry. Please. He didn’t mean to do that. He doesn’t know his own strength sometimes.” 
The girl shook her head and kept crying. 
“I don’t think you’re helping.”
Sam scoffed and looked at Bucky. “Oh, you wanna try?”
Slowly, Bucky walked back over to the counter and knelt down. The girl looked so small, curled in on herself. She had barely made a shockwave when she hit his hand.
“I’m… sorry,” he said stiffly. Sam rolled his eyes.
“Man, are you kidding me?”
“What? I said sorry!”
“Oh my god.” Sam rubbed his eyes and tugged on Bucky’s shoulder. The two stood up and shuffled over to the back wall, keeping a loose eye on the girl. She was still crying and not looking.
“Look, dude. I don’t know what the hell she’s supposed to be, but I do know that she’s scared shitless of us. Of you. And you seem to have a problem with that.”
Bucky was silent.
“I’d rather just let her go, but if you really wanna try and help her, you gotta stop being so afraid of yourself, or else she’ll never stop being afraid of you too. Okay?”
A few beats of silence fell between the two. The only sounds they could hear were the muffled bustle of the street outside and her soft sobs and gasps.
Slowly, Bucky made his way back to the counter again. Sam stayed put.
“Hey,” he said, cringing at how silly he sounded. The girl whipped her head up, surprised to see Bucky in front of her. The sounds of her crying were quickly replaced with whimpers. “No no, it’s okay. I… I didn’t mean to hurt you before. Honest. I--I just… it’s a rough place out there. I’m sure you know that, but--but I--we--me and Sam--we could help, you know. Help you stay safe.”
She rubbed the excess tears from her eyes and blinked.
“It wouldn’t be that hard. We could give you food and a warm place to sleep at night.”
“Only warm if you know how to go online and pay your bills,” Sam smirked from the back. Bucky shot him a look.
“Don’t listen to him. I know how to 'go online’.”
“You still use a flip phone.”
Bucky raised an eyebrow when he heard a sound from her he didn’t expect: laughter. Her hand covered her mouth, but her eyes were smiling at their banter.
“You… do you really want to help?” she ventured to ask. Bucky stared at her for a second, surprised and elated to hear her say something.
“Of course I do. You shouldn’t have to survive on your own if there are people who’re willing to help.”
Sam smiled, kicking himself up off the wall and putting his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Nobody should.”
“Do you wanna tell us your name now?” Bucky asked. He found himself smiling at her relaxed body language. Her leg was bouncing and she still gave them nervous looks, but she wasn’t cowering anymore and she certainly wasn’t crying.
“Ava,” she said quietly. “My name’s Ava.”
“Ava,” Bucky repeated. “That’s nice.”
“So, James, Ava,” Sam said, “why don’t I go get us some lunch, and you two can stay here and get to know each other better. Alright?”
Bucky’s stomach rumbled. He was starving. “I’ll take pastrami on rye. Go to Jerry’s, he’ll know it’s for me.” Bucky turned to his tiny friend, who was looking at Sam warily. It struck him that the fear of seeing him towering over her like a building wasn’t going to go away after a few pleasantries were exchanged. They could work on that.
“I… uh…” Ava didn’t know what to say. “I dunno. Surprise me, I--I guess. I’ve never had to choose…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll find you something,” Sam chirped. “You kids behave now, you hear?”
“Get outta here!” Bucky yelled playfully, waving his hand at Sam as he shut the door behind him. 
Ava couldn’t stop herself from smiling. Maybe giants weren’t so bad after all.
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foxghost · 3 years
Text
Joyful Reunion, Chapter 111
Translator: foxghost @foxghost tumblr/ko-fi1 Beta: meet-me-in-oblivion @meet-me-in-oblivion tumblr Original by 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang Masterpost | Characters, Maps & Other Reference Index
Book 3, Chapter 24 (Part 6)
Duan Ling has just arrived in Mu Qing’s room, but they barely manage to say anything to each other before he’s called back again. This time, Chang Pin tactfully leaves the room, shutting the door behind him, and tells Wu Du not to go in, leaving Mu Kuangda and Duan Ling to themselves.
Mu Kuangda is no longer angry; he considers Duan Ling and says, “I had a banquet set up last night, and Huang Jian waited for you two the whole night and you never showed up. You’ll need to make him an apology.”
“Certainly,” Duan Ling says humbly.
Two cunning foxes, keeping the quiet parts unsaid; of course Mu Kuangda’s not about to spew garbage like telling Duan Ling not to let anyone know what happened the night before, and of course Duan Ling isn’t about to go around telling everyone either.
“Do you remember what the contents of the letters were? It does seem rather strange for Mongolians to send letters to each other in Han.”
One lie only begets more lies to make the first lie work — Duan Ling has somehow forgotten all about that, and he can but say, “It really was in Han. I also wondered why and found it rather odd.”
Mu Kuangda falls silent for a moment. “Write it out and let’s see.”
Duan Ling picks up the brush, and imitating Batu’s tone, he fabricates the first letter. “I don’t quite remember all the details clearly.”
Mu Kuangda calls for Chang Pin. “Go to the library and bring the last letter Borjigin Batu sent.”
Duan Ling’s heart beats wildly in his chest, and he writes out a second page. He stacks the two sheets of paper together. “The second letter was also written by Batu, but that was regarding the alliance. I don’t really remember what it said.”
By the time he finishes, Chang Pin has already brought them another letter. He sets it down in front of Mu Kuangda. Mu Kuangda compares them with a glance. “It does indeed sound like the Mongolian prince.”
It’s yet another checkpoint that Duan Ling has passed, and he lets out an inward breath of relief. Chang Pin gives it a casual look and smiles. “This handwriting of yours bears some resemblance to his, actually.”
In their younger days Duan Ling was the one who taught Batu most of his Han writing, studying and essay-composition. Duan Ling is only realising this point now. “Really?”
He takes the letter and looks over it carefully. Seeing Batu’s familiar handwriting still plagued with many grammatical mistakes, Duan Ling finds it both funny and familiar, and he cannot help but miss him. A mix of feelings rises into his heart.
“Borjigin Batu grew up in Shangjing,” Chang Pin says. “That much is true. He must have learned how to write in Han, and as Jochi never learned to read, Batu’s forgotten the ancestor’s Mongolian — he may only be able to speak Mongolian, but not write it, and that’s why he sends all his messages in Han.”
“On the contrary, I have a feeling that,” Mu Kuangda stares at the letter that Duan Ling has just written, “it’s highly probable that Batu doesn’t want others among his own people to know, and in order to stop this news from spreading and the situation from getting out of control, he wrote his letters to Amga and Khatanbaatar in Han.”
Duan Ling is rather grateful to Mu Kuangda; after all, he’s somehow justified Duan Ling’s lie for him.
“Never mind,” Mu Kuangda says, “we’ll just keep this for now and verify it later.” He then hands all three letters to Chang Pin for him to put away, and says to Duan Ling, “Wang Shan, I’m giving you a holiday so you can go home and visit your parents. You must come back in fifteen days to assist Master Chang Pin, and that’ll give you a chance to learn how to manage the estate as well.”
Duan Ling realises that this means he’s finally through the ordeal, and he gives Mu Kuangda a bow before withdrawing from the room.
“I have discovered that no matter what happens,” Chang Pin says, “Wang Shan always looks like that. He’s rather poised.”
“He can take on great responsibilities, and in the future we should take the time to nurture him. Something like this friendship between him and Qing’er is hard to come by, after all. Chang Pin, it seems we’ll have to make changes to our plans again.”
Chang Pin falls silent for a moment, and then he replies with a nod.
It’s a bright and sunny day. In the palace, Li Yanqiu is sitting in one of the palace halls, and the only person near him is Zheng Yan.
“You have got to be kidding me.” Li Yanqiu’s eyes narrow once he finishes listening to him.
Zheng Yan doesn’t speak, and merely stares at Li Yanqiu.
“Who else heard what he said?”
“Chang Liujun, Wuluohou Mu, Wu Du, Feng Duo, as well as Wang Shan from the chancellor’s estate.”
“There’s absolutely no way. How are we supposed to explain the Sword of the Realm? Would the late emperor teach his style to someone not of the family?”
“But what if even the late emperor was fooled? After all, Amga never explained the actual situation. If Wuluohou Mu was the one who swindled the late emperor to begin with …”
"If even he was fooled, then that’s fine by me. He’s already decided that’s his son, so who are we to say differently?”
Zheng Yan is struck dumb all of a sudden. He absolutely couldn’t have expected Li Yanqiu to say a thing like that.
“The crown prince seeks an audience,” the eunuch outside sing-songs.
Cai Yan is here, looking in rather good spirits. He glances at Zheng Yan, and gives him a nod. Li Yanqiu gazes at Cai Yan; Cai Yan greets him for the day first before sitting down on his knees at Li Yanqiu’s side without saying anything, just keep smiling at him.
“What is it?” Li Yanqiu asks him, “Did you miss me?”
“The Mongolians say I’m an imposter,” Cai Yan says.
Zheng Yan’s expression darkens a smidgen, but Li Yanqiu says to Cai Yan, “You don’t have to worry about what they say.”
Cai Yan adds, “That’s what they said back then too.”
Li Yanqiu carefully scans Cai Yan’s face, and suddenly breaks into a smile. Cai Yan, on the other hand, has stopped speaking, his eyes reddening, turning his gaze away.
Li Yanqiu reaches out for the back of Cai Yan’s neck to embrace him, and so Cai Yan leans on Li Yanqiu’s shoulder and begins to sob.
“You’re still thinking about all those things I said back then, aren’t you? You hold a grudge as much as your dad did. I still remember that on the day you came back you hugged me and cried just like this as well.”
Cai Yan keeps sobbing, trembling all over. Li Yanqiu says, “Once the third day of the third month passes, two years will have passed since then. I don’t even cry anymore, so how come you’re still like a child who can’t seem to grow up.”
Zheng Yan is still observing Cai Yan though, his brows drawn tight together, unsure momentarily if Cai Yan is acting.
Cai Yan rubs his face against Li Yanqiu’s shoulder, and so Li Yanqiu glances at Zheng Yan to tell him to leave the room, while holding onto Cai Yan and giving him endless words of comfort.
In a fluttering sea of peach blossoms, Duan Ling returns home, but Wu Du is nowhere to be found. As soon as he gets home he goes looking for those two sheets of paper, but when he opens the case it’s to find that they’re gone!
Duan Ling is shocked before he sees the slip of paper Wu Du has left for him in the sword case: I await you beneath the bridge.
Duan Ling’s soul has nearly been scared half out of his body, but once he figures out that Wu Du is just teasing him, he looks around, feeling rather paranoid. He packs up his things, leaves the house, and spies Wu Du’s figure flash past the alleyway. Come to think of it, even if Wu Du is playing with him, he wouldn’t dare stray too far.
Three mountains surround the shores of the Yangtze and nine rivers coil through the city of spring; waterways crisscross Jiangzhou, and nine bridges set atop limestone paths while small boats travel to and fro. Many fishermen pole their boats along the waterways, filled to the brim with river food to sell along the shore.
Peach blossoms fill the air. The main street isn’t far from the bridge, and once he’s under the bridge, Duan Ling looks around in every direction. His head bumps into a peach branch, and he immediately looks up.
Wu Du is leaning over the railing and smiling at Duan Ling below; Duan Ling runs up the bridge, but with a quick dodge, by then Wu Du has already run away.
“Wu Du! You stand right there!”
Wu Du stands at the end of the bridge looking perfectly proper. Duan Ling runs to him, and in the sunlight, Wu Du’s smile is more handsome than anything; his black martial artist robes make him look ever more soldierly in the warmth of spring. Duan Ling can’t help but take another step forward and wrap his arms around him.
“What is it?” Wu Du asks.
“What’s with you?” Duan Ling asks him in return, “Where’s the stuff?”
Wu Du gives his scabbard a pat. “My sword, my life; its death, my death.”
Duan Ling drops his head in his hand. “Why do you all like to keep important stuff in your scabbards?”
But come to think of it, aside from that hapless Amga, a scabbard for one’s sword or sabre is the best hiding place when it comes to things carried on one’s person. After all, to an assassin, their sword is always near at hand.
“Where’re we goin’?” Duan Ling asks, “Is something the matter?”
Wu Du seems a bit nervous. “Come on, down here.”
Duan Ling’s mood takes a turn for the brighter — it’s just been one thing after another lately, and now he feels like the haze has been swept aside, and the sky is wide and blue above him.
Wu Du walks to the pier by the creek’s edge, indicating that Duan Ling should board it first. Duan Ling knows Wu Du can steer a boat, and he’s rather good at it too, so he gladly gets on.
Wu Du unties the rope and leaps onto the boat. With one push of his long pole by the shore, the small boat vanishes into the boats congregating in the water market. Soon enough, it shoots out the other side like an arrow and keeps going, following the zigzagging waterways to wait in line for the Black Armours’ checkpoint at the narrow waterway entrance as they prepare to leave the city.
It’s the first time Duan Ling has ever gone on a trip by boat, and he can’t help being filled with excitement. Wu Du passes the checkpoint, pushing on the pole again; the boat leaves the waterway for the Yangtze main and the way opens up in front of them, where nothing but water meets the eye, a torrent rushing towards the east.
A thousand sails compete on the Yangtze; Wu Du hoists the sail with several quick pulls, wraps the rope around the mast several times, then tosses the rope over it casually and sits down next to Duan Ling at the prow, side by side.
“It’s so beautiful,” Duan Ling says. “Where are we going?”
“To the ends of the earth,” Wu Du says, “you want to go?”
Duan Ling suddenly feels so utterly exhausted, yet so happy, especially in the very instant he catches the bright blue sky above meeting the wide expanse of the water below; it makes him think that everything that is beautiful about the land is all right here.
“I want to go,” Duan Ling replies.
Neither of them say anything, sitting with their backs against the prow.
“When we get home again you’ll have to become the emperor. Perhaps it’ll be a long, long time before we can make it out again.”
Duan Ling understands what Wu Du means — now that they have the evidence, he has taken one step closer in his plans to return to court. Before the results of the exams are released, staying in Jiangzhou is not the best idea.
The small boat flies across the surface of the river and enters another narrow waterway before turning north. Both sides of the shore are towering mountains, more beautiful than anything he can imagine. Wu Du strips himself of his outer robe, rolls up his pants, and poles the boat along. When they happen to meet a fish merchant hawking their catch on a boat, they buy some food from them.
Meanwhile, Duan Ling has found a coal stove, and he starts a fire at the prow for cooking fish soup and rice.
He doesn’t ask where they’re going. Bit by bit he’s starting to think that if he can spend his whole life like this, that’s fine too; to live like duckweed drifting on the surface of a pond, roaming far, roaming wide. The marvellous world beyond and all the people in the world will simply turn into birds crisscrossing the skies, scattering beneath the mountain peaks. Everything would become so simple.
In the night, when rain falls, Duan Ling and Wu Du sleep in the cabin together, listening to the pitter-patter of rain landing on the river. Looking outside, all he sees is a million raindrops splashing onto the water.
When the wind picks up and blows away all the rain clouds, they lie down on the deck where they’re surrounded by a thousand miles of still water, the surface as reflective as a mirror, while a brilliant starry river shines before their eyes.
And thus two days go by. On the third day, as Duan Ling wakes up yawning, Wu Du is already pushing the boat to shore. They’ve reached a remote corner between the mountains with a limestone path that leads towards the end of the mountain range.
“What is this place?” Duan Ling asks.
Wu Du looks up into the distance. After a brief silence he says, “I’ll carry you.”
“Let’s walk together. Are we going to pray at a Buddhist temple?”
“You’ll see when you get there.” As he says this to Duan Ling, Wu Du seems a bit nervous.
They climb up the stone steps, covered in lichen from long years of disrepair. When they get to the cliff, there’s a plank walkway that snakes along the cliff face, round and round, leading deeper into the wilderness. When Duan Ling sees the first monastery gate, he finally realises why Wu Du has brought him here.
Before them is a giant, stone-carved white tiger, as life-like as the real thing, facing the great river and the world of the central plains below, surrounded by layer upon layer of clouds.
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Pretend: Overhaul/reader (Part 1)
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You grew up with Chisaki Kai. Your duty is to protect and serve and care for him. You’re closer to him than anybody else in the Shie Hassaikai. The paradox is that sometimes- or maybe since forever ago- you feel as if you barely know him at all. (You still remember being overhauled.) (Part 2 coming...sometime! lol EDIT: Part 2!) Warning:  child abuse, abusive/dysfunctional relationships in general, violence, Chisaki Kai is his own warning, references to the Overhaul quirk and its gorier aspects Gosh it has been *so long* since I posted anything??? Thanks so much to anybody who’s still hanging around on this blog;;; feast your eyes on this bad boy tho, I’ve been working on it since literally last year and almost deleted it several times but couldn’t bring myself to! Here’s to hoping I actually finish it this time :,)  This fic is also on the darker side of the things I upload on this blog sooo pls do heed the warnings and read at your own risk ;-; -Mod Eve ______ “This is Kai.” The old man’s hand is warm and heavy on your shoulder. “I hope you both get along. Kai- be good to our new family.” You like the old man, the ‘’boss.’’ You haven’t been cold since he took you in. Hunger has become a temporary, rather than a constant thing, and you feel safe, there in the midst of these people with tattooed skin and sharp, strong gazes. But this boy has cold eyes. He stares at you long and hard with them as he nods, silent and unyielding. You shiver instinctively, leaning back into the shadows of the boss’ big, black coat. You do not want to get along with Kai.
__________ Kai is a strange boy. He looks at everybody as if he hates them- everybody except for the boss. He doesn’t talk much. He hates being touched. He scares you, a little, but you learn to stop flinching. Both of you want to please the boss, and the boss wants you to get along. So you do just that. You fold origami together (Kai sits and watches you make clumsy cranes and airplanes, occasionally speaking up to tell you that your corners are mismatched or that he thinks you’ve forgotten a step). You eat meals together (egg rolls are the only thing Kai eats any more than a few mouthfuls of so you give him yours; you’re supposed to be friends and that’s what friends do). You sleep on opposite sides of the same big, bare room (empty on Kai’s side because clutter makes him nervous, compromised on your side because he is also supposed to be considerate towards you). You grow together, centimeters adding up on top of centimeters over weeks, months, years, marking off your heights on the bedroom wall with a pen. Kai grows tall, lanky, pale and golden-eyed, all glass-cut chin and cold charisma. At some point, you get separate rooms, and then you see less of each other. He still scares you, in a sense. He’s always been weird, always kind of paranoid and mean and distant. In all your years of sharing a room and a childhood, you’ve never once touched him. You imagine his skin must feel cold. But cold or warm, cruel or kind, to all intents and purposes- you’re still family. You still offer him your egg rolls at mealtimes. When he visits your room, he tolerates the occasional mess. You can get along, you tell yourself, as the boss smiles at the both you through a wrinkled, careworn mouth. After all, you reflect, it’s not so hard. You can play pretend. _____ By the time Eri arrives, you’ve been playing pretend for far too long. She’s small- painfully so. Small and frightened as she curls into her blankets, eyes wide, lips trembling, the small horn peeking out of her long white hair like a tumor. Boss doesn’t often give direct orders; not to you and Kai, anyway. You’re aware that for children of the yakuza, you’ve both been dreadfully coddled. It’s all out of the goodness of the old man’s heart. Until the day he dies, he only ever enforces two orders on you. One, is that you get along with Kai. Two, is that you protect Eri. You remember being hungry, once upon a time. Hungry and cold with nowhere to go and no one to turn to. There’s an old throb in the pit of your stomach whenever you think of it, of the starvation and pain burning at your nerve endings from the inside out. You never asked to be abandoned. No child ever does. Rule number two isn’t really an order; you choose Eri, choose to love her and cherish her. It’s what the boss did for you. It’s what any child deserves. (You don’t like the way Kai looks at her.) _____ Kai has plans. You are aware of this. He’s smart and good at most things he puts his mind to; it’s why the yakuza respects him, and why you tend to trust his plans, even when you don’t particularly want to. The tired lines on the boss’ face bother you. It’s concerning, the way he often asks for you nowadays, calls you his study only to have you sit and play with Eri, watching the two of you as if he has something to say but doesn’t quite dare to. In the end, he only sighs and thanks you for sparing some time for his granddaughter. That’s nothing, you want to say, you’d do that any day, because the boss is your family and you’ve promised yourself to protect Eri, but the words die in your mouth. You wonder why Kai is never invited to these meetings. Then again, Kai is in charge of managing Eri’s quirk, so maybe he deserves a break from playtime. Time passes, and the white in the boss’ hair grows more pronounced. He begins to struggle, to grow more and more tired, the lines deepening in his forehead like furrows in a field. One late night, after dinner, he gazes at you calmly from over the desert- a slice of vanilla cake that he’s barely touched. His large, wrinkled hand rests gently on his granddaughter’s head. “Take care of her,” he tells you quietly. “Protect her. No matter what happens. That’s all I would ask of you.” You want to ask why he looks so grim, what it is you would need to protect her from, but the boss’ voice drifts off and he bows his head. He suddenly looks very small. “And thank you for your kindness towards Kai. You’ve done much for the boy. I fear, sometimes…” What he fears, you never learn, because he falls silent without finishing the sentence. “I will,” you reassure him, desperate to lift a bit of the burden that seems to rest on his broad, black-clad shoulders; gone are the days when you were still small enough to hide in the folds of his coat. You’ve got to be braver now, show him that all the trust and care he’s given you were not in vain. “I swear. Eri will always be safe with me. And I’ll take care of Kai, too.” This is the last conversation you have with him. ____ Kai calls you to his room the day after the boss falls unconscious. His golden eyes bore into yours and you feel the familiar chill run down your spine. “I’m in charge now,” he says, voice perfectly even behind the black mask that covers his mouth. “I hope that my position doesn’t change things between us. We’re still friends, aren’t we?” Despite all your years of friendship, you still can’t read Kai- it’s strange, to you, the way he spent the entirety of last night downstairs by the boss’ bed, but now talks about his promotion as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Then again, he’s always had different ways of expressing himself. Though it needles at you, you remember your promise to the boss- your last promise, the only way you could ever repay him for his kindness- and convince yourself to nod. “Of course. You can count on me.” ____ Not a day after the yakuza gains a new leader, you fail the boss. Eri looks tense as Chrono leads her off, her favorite teddy clutched in one small hand, her little mouth set in a stiff, frowning line. She doesn’t know where she’s going. You don’t know, either. Not really. Kai has a plan. You must trust his plans. You tell this to yourself over and over, the uneasiness creeping into the pit of your stomach as you watch Eri’s small figure disappear around a bend in the corridor. ____ “He wants you in Eri’s room,” Chrono informs you, hours later. “She feels more comfortable with you.” What happened? The words echo in your mind as you find your way down the corridors to the large, whitewashed room where Eri sleeps with her dolls. And there she is, sitting on the bed. There are bandages around her arms and legs and tearstains on her face. What happened? Your heart’s beating so hard you can taste it, the bile bitter on your tongue as you swallow down your panic. What’s going on? But the words won’t come out. Eri looks to Chrono, and then she looks to you. She stretches out her small, bandaged arms for a hug. She still looks halfway to sobbing. And you don’t question it. Not here, not now. You just pick her up and rock her, smoothing a hand through her long, tangled hair and whispering comforting words, because it’s all going to be ok- it must be. Kai has a plan, and you’re supposed to trust him. “It’s just her quirk,” Chrono tells you, which is vague, but that’s fine; you can work with vague for now, the way you always have. You nod in understanding and keep rocking Eri. (Her small body shakes like a leaf in your arms, and though it’s summertime and the room is warm, both her hands and yours are cold as ice.) _____ Eri’s limbs are always bandaged. Whatever Kai does with her, you’re not allowed to see- and this is fine, too, because you’re not a high-ranking member, anyway. Your quirk is weak, simple telekinesis that just about corresponds to your physical strength, and without the boss, you’re just here by virtue of being Kai’s good friend. Because you are good friends, still, even if he always has you off on minor missions and only ever summons you to occasionally babysit Eri. And Eri’s limbs are always bandaged. “Sickness,” is Kai’s cryptic explanation. “A side-effect of her quirk. We’re just trying to save her from herself.” You know Eri’s quirk is dangerous. You know it caused her father’s death and her mother’s abandonment. You suppose it’s a good thing, then, if Kai’s looking for a way to get it under control. “It’s what the boss would have wanted.” And you are very good at playing pretend, have learned how to lie through your teeth since you were old enough to talk, can fool yourself as well as you fool everybody else- It’s what the boss would have wanted, you remind yourself, cradling Eri in your arms as she dozes off. You will get along with Kai, and you will do what is best for this child. Just as you were asked to. “It’s alright,” you whisper, more to yourself than to Eri. She’s already fallen asleep. _____ “See, Eri? The bird goes whoosh!” You snap your fingers with a little more flair than is strictly necessary, and the clumsy paper crane goes zooming around the room. Eri watches with wide, bright eyes and claps her hands in delight. “I wish,” she tells you later that night as you tuck her into bed, quiet and confidential, “I wish I had a nice quirk like yours.” “Thank you.” You smile in spite of yourself. “But Eri-chan, my quirk isn’t very strong, you know?” “But it’s nice,” she repeats, snuggling under the covers, only the top of her horned head peeking out. “It makes things jump and fly. I want a nice quirk like yours.” There’s a strange note in her voice- a strained, sad sound, too sad for such a small girl. It doesn’t sit right with you. There’s something you should say, but you’re not sure what it is. “You’re a good girl, Eri,” you say instead, pressing a kiss to the top of her snowy white head and wrapping your arms around her. “Go to bed now.” “Will you be back soon?” she asks, big eyes already half-closed, the lids weighed down with sleep. “You go on so many missions...” Her voice trails off into nothingness, soft and wistful, another quiet whisper dissipating into the shadows of the whitewashed bedroom. Pity claws at your heart. “I’ll be back soon,” you promise. (This is, of course, a lie.) ____ “Again, Eri?” Kai’s voice is quiet and controlled, laced with paternal disappointment as he looks down at the quivering figure before him. Eri looks at the floor. Her shoulders are shaking. “You should know better by now. Look at how you’ve inconvenienced everybody. Chrono...me...and,” he glances at you sharply. “your dearest friend.” A beat of silence, and with a patter of bare feet against the cold floor, Eri rushes forward and clings to his leg. “I’m sorry,” comes her muffled voice over and over, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I won’t run again...” You watch, and as you are prone to do in Kai’s presence, you shiver. _____ That night, as she’s drifted off to sleep, you shift the bandages on Eri’s wrist. There’s dried blood underneath. No visible wound. You’re no scholar, neither are you a fighter. You know nothing about quirk science. You know even less about Eri’s ability, or how it would affect her. Maybe, maybe this is normal; maybe this is the problem Kai is trying to fix. But there’s a part of you that remembers what it’s like to be overhauled, and that part of you grows cold as you watch the child sleep. _____ (You were about sixteen when you let Kai overhaul you. Just to see what it would feel like. Just to see what he was capable of. Friends help friends practice things like that. You remember the feeling of disintegration, of flesh being pulled from bone and muscles unraveling into strings, veins dissolving around blood which sprayed into the air and your voice dissolving from your lungs with the liquid. Just like that, gone. And just like that, whole again. Kai looked down at you, sixteen himself, eyes golden as the sun and sharp as a knife. He reached out a gloved hand to help you back up. You still have no idea what he was thinking at the time.) _____ Here is a theory: You’re rarely at headquarters because most of the time, Kai doesn’t want you there. You’re told to babysit Eri because you are a rarely-seen prize- a reward for good behavior. Good behavior is when she doesn’t scream. It’s when she doesn’t try to run away. There are a thousand different things she could be running from, but as you sit across from Kai in his office, listening as he lists off your next set of orders, you suspect that the primary one is right here in the room with you. And whatever he’s doing, he doesn’t want you to know. (When things begin to make sense is when you always end up wishing that they never did.) ___ The next time you leave headquarters, you do so with a feeling of dread. Eri watches you go, and for the first time, you recognize the look in her wide eyes as terror. (Like your family once left you, you leave her behind.) ___ This was once home. You pace the floor of your bedroom, back and forth, back and forth, hands cold, heart colder, shoulders shaking. You grew up in this room- in this place. It is home. It was home. Even as you pace, you don’t know, you have no clue, what is happening to Eri? Where is she? What is Kai doing to her? Why, why, why, You remember being overhauled, the bloodstain of your remains sprayed across these very walls. Kai doesn’t want you to know. You are supposed to get along with Kai. You are supposed to protect Eri. Your hands are clammy, ribs constricting around your lungs as you stare up at the ceiling, wondering. The room spins. Your thoughts are screaming. Boss, what have we done to Eri? _____ You strike deals in the dark, fading underbelly of Japan, gathering information and tools, goods for trading, wares the criminals of this country are desperate to get their hands on. It’s all for the sake of the Shie Hassaikai. While you pass drugs to the next sunken-eyed dealer who wants to get their hands on them, you know Eri is with Kai, and your own hands tremble until you almost drop your cargo. (One of your old clients used to tell you, back when you’d just started in the business- “You ain’t cut out for this work, kid. Better run back while you still can.” You didn’t have anywhere to run back to, and when you told him that, his yellow-toothed grin sagged.) There’s a list of solutions in your brain right now- you’re good at solutions, at formulating plans and calculating possibilities. It’s why Kai trusts you with the business side of the Shie Hassaikai. But your list right now consists of dead ends, of a thousand different scenarios that all end in Kai and his molten-sun eyes, his gloved hand reaching towards your face, his quirk coursing through you and taking you apart piece by piece, and maybe this time he won’t put you together again. Not that you’ve ever known him not to- but you are afraid of Kai, and you’ve learned to trust your fear. Sometimes it’s the only thing worth trusting. (If you want to keep Eri alive, you’ll keep playing pretend.) ____ This time, when you return, Kai is there. He asks you to dinner. “Business is going smoothly. You’re doing good work.” His mask is off; it feels like years since the last time you saw him without it, and the face beneath it has changed. The jaw is sharper, the mouth thinner. This is no longer a child’s face, if it ever was at all. Rice sticks like glue in your throat as you reply, “Thank you- you’re too kind.” You hand him your egg rolls. It comes reflexively-  he no longer needs you to feed him, and there’s no boss watching over your shoulders to ensure that you play nice with each other. For whatever reason, he accepts them. (It occurs to you that you’ve never known, and still don’t know, whether he actually likes eggs or not. Whether it’s only the rolls that he eats. Whether he eats them because he enjoys the taste or just for the satisfaction of taking something else from you.) “And you’re too formal,” he says, taking a delicate bite. He smiles, a rare expression, and you wonder if you should treasure it. (Rather, you wish he’d stop.) Dinner almost ends on a pleasant note- as pleasant as it gets with Kai nowadays- but it really ends when Chrono bursts in through the doors, announcing tensely that Eri is gone again. Kai stands. You do, too, and follow him as he silently exits the room, praying that he’ll be too late. (He’s not.) But when you hold Eri in your arms that night, soothing her as you rock her back and forth, back and forth, you listen to her whisper in your ear about a boy she met, a boy with big green eyes and freckles all over his face, a boy who held her for a moment without hurting her. The story seems to shine like a floodlight in the darkness. Somebody out there has seen Eri. Somebody out there knows. Somebody out there cares. You don’t generally depend on the charity of your fellow human beings. The Shie Hassaikai taught you better, and so did Kai. But the boss taught you something a little more than either. You rock Eri to sleep and hope beyond hope for a miracle. Let the heroes pull through. Let them save your little girl.
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