#which i know isnt healthy

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[waterlogged-detective]

i wanna write lore about my characters but i am in the eternal struggle of how do i start

#the pain of wanting to talk about ocs but not what to say #s o b #forget art block how do i deal with oc block #id call it writing block but i always have that lol #vibrates #i wanna talk about my idiots #like the corpse trade in london #especially since depending on what youre reading on site people come back to their bodies or they dont #its not super consistant #like i know darcy wouldnt care but others WOULD depending on if you come back ot your original body #which i think is true??? #idk man its super unclear #but its super morally dubious and I KNOW det doe isnt cool with it at all think of the FIGHTS #couples arguments but make them about philosophy and the fact that youre both actually diametrically opposed to things and you cant always #have a healthy work life balance between the two of you #because even if it works most of the time darcy is going to end up working on someone his husband thinks deserves better #especially if he finds out about the burking darcy did on the surface #cutting out the middleman as it were #and cutting the middleman #anyway i wanna talk about ocs help

[donnyclaws]

I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.

#i do feel kind of worn down by it. i wish patreon and commissions didn't feel so taxing even with accommodations ive made for myself #maybe it'll feel better in the future when less is going on but rn it #places this barrier of management in front of art that makes it less relieving to do #cause there's always a part of my brain reminding me it needs to serve a purpose and needs to pay off in some way #which isn’t a new feeling for artists obviously. maybe doing it all since hs js also why it's tiring. and patreon changjng the way it does #working part time now too. idk if maybe id like to step back from it #it's abnormal that i worked taht hard and it did help me get out from my parents and stay out. but im also tired ect #idw let people down by not being able to keep up with a self imposed expectation or #be irresponsible and remove sources of income for myself. redbubble inprnt and patreon all suck in ways that bother me hugely #i only really enjoy itch.io at the minute #not to say anything bad abt patrons or commission clients you've all been excessively kind and patient and understanding always #i wish i could make them better i feel like there's no way how it is at the minute is of value compared to my output as an older teen #but yknow. self imposed worry. im just worn out and id like to just make things without the management and the fretting and the #i havent made a comic post for patreon in ages or this or this i havent made a speedpaint or a song or #yadda yadda lmao #sorry for the impromptu ramble #this isnt to say id never do commissions or a store or anything again or i want to not make money off art #god knows i will need to be grinding out comms once im well again but ex #i feel like im getting less and less able to manage it and then putting out less and less #and hoping ill somehow get very healthy and active again one day and make it worth the wait yknow. #it's not a feeling i want my art to carry in me. #part of me and the parent in my brain is saying it'd be selfish to give up income but the rest is like #that's cruel. i want to feel good and healthy

[foxgirlplushie]

I don't fit it anywhere

#im online too much and i dont understand the chatacters everypme is obsessing over and j feel like im faking everything and i dont know how #to stop or be myself or do anything thT I want to do #(this is bullshit look at the fic you wrote earlier tonigjt) #but like. i dont know jow to empathize or connect in a way that isnt just regurgitating other peoples words and patterns and thoights #ah. this is fhe autism again isnt it #but even like. among other autistic pepple. feel like im doing it wrong and i keep judging tjem for doing it wrong wjicj is BAD and i KNOW #its because i spent so long desperately masking bc i jusy wanted some kind (any kind) of social interaction #and now i cant even do that right #and im comparing.traumas which is another thing i knoa you shouldnt do #but every other sysgem i see is so much more impacted by it and i dont knos if im faking it or what #o dont know why im crashing like fhis i took my fucking meds. why am i crashing. i cant crasj theres too much to get done #keep ot the fuck rogether dont blink dont break dont even bend #which is NOT healthy but o dont know any other way through #in conclusion fuck me please tell me njce things we could rrally use it right now #bc god knows tomorrows gonna suuuuuuuuuuuck #gotta be up.and moving in 6 hrs

[controversialhottakes]

On a more serious note, I'm considering writing a post on communism because I don't think tumblr understands what this term actually means and what it would look like in practice.

#a certain degree of socialism is very healthy this isnt the us ffs #communism... not so much #they're not the same thing and they're not interchangeable #most of you “comrades” would lose your minds if you lived in a truly communist country but you're so “privileged” you don't even know it #i did not think i would live to see the day in which people are unironically referring to each other as comrades #but then apparently we're also bringing back actual historical nazism so i guess it makes sense *facepalm* #im scared #should i tag the fandom im thinking of? #nah not right now maybe later

[doveotion]

i need to make pomegranate+dark chocolate bark soon I miss it 😕

#diary #gonna get yummy pomegranates some soymilk and maybe some ramen when i get paid thurs im so excited #also. hm how do i say this lol #im kinda sad lately bc all of my fwb situationships whatsver you wanna call them were so healthy #like wayyy healthier than the brief 1½ relationships ive been in and im worried im not relationship material #which is fine like. i get that the point of life isnt romantic love but ive always wanted that but growing up with parents who dont love → #each other really fucks up your perception of healthy love #except for one guy who used me to cheat on his SWEET AND PRETTY GF all the people i was with were so... healthy. and sweet #i think they each could've turned into something beautiful if i let it happen #wowwww wowowow i need to start journaling again this is depressing #also !! i didn't know he was in a relationship i cut contact IMMEDIATELY. i wanted to tell the gf but her socials were private 😭 #hate him. i hope he burns in hell

[skrunksthatwunk]

i shouldn't drop out i shouldn't drop out i don't want to drop out i like college i like it i like it i shouldn't drop out

#burnout is. so bad #fighting for my life out here #i feel like ive been working nonstop all week which isnt even true #and if it was that shouldn't really be such a devastating thing but i just. don't have many spoons it seems #which is so unbelievably lame #and i have so much left to do before the semester ends and i dont even know what i want to do with all this #just gimme like an extra month with no classes where i have decently healthy food available where i can work and I'll be good probably #augh.naughhhhhhh. anyway #i think i have to skip Another britlit class which sucks bc it's good and i did most of the reading #but i just Cannot bring myself to go. we'll see but it's not looking good atm

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd #but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well #just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well #which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out #which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore #its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi #see the other thing is #if i talk about my mental health at all #people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint #or feel sorry for me which i also dont want #all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all #like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff #i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly #im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares #i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to #and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one #they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored #im losing my mind steadily #and thats not even onto the physical problems #but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying #‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket #if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your #fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces #sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues #but then i talk to other women and it is #it just doesnt make sense and i hate it #but i never rly got help on private insurance either so #tbd #depression cw

[npdlangley]

mfw. theres no actual point to my existence

#txt #i dont remember any of my childhood + i have no future that isnt just me looking after my brother and i always have to think of it so i #cant die anyways #and because of my crappy childhood (which i can barely remember) im unable to form healthy attachments anf have healthy relationships with #people i love and care about #and my sense of self and how i view otehrs is permenantly ruined and ill never be the same ill never be a kid #ill never get to be ok in the way i shouldve as a cjhild #i wasnt even safe online i was in a crpapy abusive friendship / relationship for a good few years and felt powerless and felt so much dread #and i got itno things i shouldnt have and no one saved me #or said anything #no one cared or did anything #no one treated me nicely #no one ever will #im doomed #im nt meant to be here #i wasnt meant to exist #i was supposed to be long gone forever ago #i shouldve fuckign died back in middle school like i hoped #mybe i shouldve gotten into a lousy car crash i dont know i dont want to be here #i have no purpose besides looking after my brother but tghats it #he shouldnve have been born i shouldnt have been born #my parwnts shouldve never married or gotten together or even met

[descendantofthesparrow]

imma say it;

Ben really reached all the way into the picnic basket for napkins where they were literally on the fucking edge 

man even put his fucking hand on it!

BEN MY DUDE JUST TAKE THE FUCKING NAPKIN THATS RIGHT THERE GOD

#Ben i love you but you are so stupid #honestly D2 Mal was just tyring to do her best #fuck her best was written horribly but girly really was just trying #also i think the 'memory spell' she almost uses against Ben isnt a memory spell #cuz theres no memory spell in the spell book? the one that we can buy #but there is a top of the minute/hour spell #which i think is what Mal was trying to use #and she knows that one #she uses it multiple times in teh 3rd book! #to get to class #to #idk retake a test? #and to take the trident from uma! #only Evie knows when Mal uses this spell cuz Evie knows she uses it #this isnt me excusing Mal cuz girly its not healthy to try to spell away an entire date just so you dont get caught #god mal x therapy my otp

[wheucto]

the entirety of BFDI so far is 16:10:39 (hours, minutes, seconds). assuming the average sleep time is 8 hours, then that's a little more than typical waking hours

#wheucto #wheucto speaks #binging the entirety of BFDI in one sitting (from BFDI 1a to TPOT 6) is. possible. but barely #unless you like. stay up a long time_ later on this is just. going to be impossible #that is if you want to stay healthy sleep schedule-wise #and so far we only have 6 TPOT episodes. considering we have 35 (i think) contestants_ 2 contestants eliminated #if that stays true until. uhhhh. let's say an avg of 3 members per team for merge (or first merge) #3 * 6 = 18 #that's almost half of 35. so it would take 17 or 18 episodes to get there if. i'm right which is unlikely #now if 1 contestant is eliminated after 1st merge that would take 15 for final three 16 for final two #if the same stays true (until final four/two) then it'd be 7ish for final four/three or 8 for final two #17 + 7 + 1 for the smallest estimate. that's 25. #each episode is about 25 minutes (assuming trends stay the same) so it'd be 625 minutes more (or 10 hours 25 minutes) #that is_ assuming that 1. tpot doesn't get canceled 2. 1st merge will happen when teams have 3 contestants avg #we'll need to wait about... 3 to 5 years (if the show gets completed) to see how many episodes (and how long they are) there'll be #(since assuming each episode comes in a month + half times that by 25 for a little over 3 years as the lower estimate and 5 as just. a vibe #- based guess) #if 625 mins is correct then it'd be over 26 hours long also known as more than a day. so. binge-watching all of bfdi is probably impossible #- when it all gets completed (assuming there isnt ANOTHER season after tpot. and who knows?)

[lesbipede]

fat girls you're everything to me okay. the people giving us shit for being fat don't know anything.

#centichat #they really cannot know someone's lifestyle. i regularly eat less than recommended and i STILL GAIN WEIGHT!!! #not on purpose. i have to say that. my adhd time blindness just Gets Me and ive had a terrible appetite lately. #i eat healthy. i try to take care of my body. but yknow what? its HARD as a disabled person to exercise!!! #light biking makes my knees hurt for DAYS because of my joint condition that. guess what. has no cure that isnt- #- preventative. or exercising. which as stated i struggle with!!! #because my joints hurt!! when i use them!!!!! #i used to hike and bike and all sorts of things.. i want to get into lifting. #all this to say. you can do everything 'right' and still be fat. and being fat is okay. and i love you.

[charonte-simi]

I bought a sourdough starter from the local folks I've been buying bread from since they're closing up shop till next spring and I'm terribly daunted by the daily feeding routine this yeast requires and there are so many more steps involved in baking sourdough, it's a multi day process..

But I can't Not have my weekly sourdough and it's been a dream of mine to learn how to do this proficiently so I'm determined to give it my best effort. I also learned that my friend really likes sourdough so being able to supply them with fresh bread is a HUGE motivation for me.

Wish me luck (and if you have any experience/tips feel free to share cause I have no fucking clue what I'm doing and the instructions they gave me with the starter are a bit confusing 😅)

#i hope i can keep this alive and healthy long enough to at least bake one loaf #it calls for 1.5 cups of flour a day to feed/water it which seems excessive #thankfully bread flour isnt *too* expensive #i would absolutely love to bake bread on a regular basis so that i dont have to discard any of this starter #it feels wasteful ya know? #man i really need to buy a desk/table for my kitchen area. i dont really have enough counter space for this process... #simi speaks

[megatron-moving-to-megatron]

i had a dream that michael had a lion cut again

#a premonition perhaps #hes had a lion cut twice in the past which i know isnt good but its the only thing that helps with his tummy issues -_- #hes healthy and his bloodwork comes up as all normal but i think his fur just really irritates his tummy and makes him throw up sometimes #when he has a lion cut he pretty much never throws up

[segernatural]

hmm

#we're coming up on three straight weeks of spontaneous nerve pain my friends #doctors dont know whats wrong & all i can say is thank fuck i've got a real person job with benefits & live in a country w/ free healthcare #i dont even know how to explain it. i've been on meds helping the pain finally. #and only noticed they were working once they wore off and it legitimately felt like i was dying again. i hope you never know this pain #my bodys exhausted i'm exhausted even though the pain is being managed. my body is still firing all the nerves i just cant feel it anymore #i sit in bed all day and cant focus cant think cant type accurately. holding my phone hurts. but im so exhausted. i shouldnt be but i am #it occurred to me the other day that. this might not just stop. its been almost 3 weeks theres no reason to think itll just stop #and thats fucking scary. im 2* and i know age isnt correlated with health but. i shouldnt be. i dont know. im young & healthy & so confused #i just want to know whats wrong. i just want the pain to stop. the sensations to stop. #im stuck at home because thats where i should be with ease of emergency rooms but. my family is driving me crazy #half of my dad thinks im faking it (which my brain keeps latching onto bc it tries to tell me i'm fine when i #am so clearly not fine.) #char speaks

[princemick]

#kyle.vent #new tag wow #anyway #uh tw eating disorders #ed tw #all that #okay #cool #like I knew i have been losing weight like i can see n feel that I'm not dumb I'm noticing that im beraly eating n shit n im getting weaker #I know that n it sucks I'm trying to beat it but I'm just not hungry n when i do get food i can never finish it and it sucks ass #but i just weighed myself bc my body dysphoria/morphia combo can still fuck w my brain and i lost like 2 kilos #which isnt a lot but I'm not actively trying n this is the first time in like 6 years I've gone below my goal weight #n like that kinda freaks me out bc thats like 'the goal weight' that I always needed to get to it moved over the years since i was a kid #but i remember that being like the eventual weight that was the minimum for me to be healthy w my height n all that #n this is the first time I'm below it since i first hit it which is like 5 years ago #n its lit 0.7 kilo below but still #kinda freaking out n annoyed abt that #so peace n love lads all fun very good ha ah aha hahahah 😘✌️ #I'm fine btw #just needed to write it out its been stuck in my head n all that