#am so clearly not fine.)

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post. #writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers. #at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going. #when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like. #it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases - #at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory. #it was what i had seen. #and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol' #so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID. #he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

[f0x-gl0ves]

On that cowboy shit again (pls click for better resolution probably ♡)

#art #they bring the scribbles out of me #i am trying so hard to be normal abojt them clearly its qorking #drawing #illustration #rdr2 #red dead redemption #rdr2 fanart #rdr2 art #dutch van der linde #arthur morgan #john marston #jack marston #my art #fanart #digital art #eye strain #tagging eye strain just to be safe i think its fine but idk

[thatswhatsushesaid]

psa that the day there are no jgy stans left on tumblr dot com is the day i am dead

but rest assured i'll go to my grave exactly as i lived: obnoxiously proclaiming to everyone within earshot how great lianfang-zun is. narratively, metaphorically, spiritually. sexually, too, like why limit myself. i like to keep my options open

#the spirit of su minshan possessed me for a minute there but like. i'm fine with it #jin guangyao #he did crimes??? good for him 😌 #editing this post to add that while the tone here is clearly joking #i really am fundamentally still engaged with this fandom #and with this book #almost exlcusively because of my enjoyment of jgy #even xiyao is secondary for me like i love it and i'm ride or die for it obvs #but jgy as a character is the main draw for me. and he would have me by the throat even if there was no zewu-jun #(tho i think jgy's life would be more depressing for his absence obviously) #but he is just. /clenches my fists!!! #THE most compelling character in the story and i cannot stop thinking about him!! cannot will not!! #who else in this book has his range? who else can be the doe-eyed idealist AND the spy with blood on his hands who ends a war? #who else is two different greek tragedies and at least two separate shakespearean tragedies rolled into one antagonist #an antagonist who but for the POV of the novel could very easily have been the protagonist #whose moral event horizon is so deeply entwined with his own trauma and abuse that there is no way to meaningfully separate #the violence he does to others from the systemic violence that was done to him for his whole life? #who else in this book manages to get five separate sect leaders utterly obsessed with him no matter how you choose #to interpret that obsession? #no one!!! that's who!! #ain't no one else in the jianghu doing it like lianfang-zun and that's just a goddamn fact

[ipushedthewrongbutton]

i’ve been scratching my head over the whole watcher situation. I’m not a fan myself but got dragged into it cus of the people I follow, i only watched their puppet history series and the buzzfeed unsolved series from way back- honestly, i couldn’t care less if they locked all their stuff behind a paywall. I’m so neutral on this whole thing, i might as well be swiss.

but i’m not neutral? In fact, the whole thing really bothers me and i couldn’t figure out why.

cus i get it, yanno. As a company that thrives on creativity, i understand you’d wanna cut yourself off the mega-capatalist-giant that is youtube to get rid of annoying restrictions, and asking monetary support from your audience so you can really stretch the limit of your creativity. I GET IT.

And it STILL bothers me!

And then I figured it out:

the whole “any future videos they’ll be making will EXCLUSIVELY be available through a streaming service you have to pay a monthly subscription for” comes less across as “please support us monetarily so we can grow as creators”, and comes more across as “if you want to continue being a fan, or even being a part of the audience, you’re gonna have to pay up. You have no choice in the matter. It’s either pay, or you’re not a ‘real’ fan or a ‘real’ part of our audience.”

THAT’S what’s bothering me about it. It feels like they’re gatekeeping who gets to be part of their community with money (that not everyone might have). And knowing where they come from and how they started…. That’s… extremely tone deaf. To put it gently.

#Watcher #i had to get that out #My condolences to the watcher fandom you actually fucking deserve better #This perspective coming from someone who was only really subscribed for puppet history #Like to me and people like me this announcement is really just “your mediocre support isn’t enough” #“We’re gonna make it so you HAVE to watch all our content in order for the price to be worth it” #“Or you don’t get to watch any of it at all” #And like… yeah fine no more watcher it is then nbd #But did you HAVE to push out like THAT?? #Listen I’ll GLADLY pay 6 dollars for every episode of puppet history #The money is clearly on screen and it’s cheaper than going to the cinema so it’s MORE than earned #I am however not paying that same amount monthly for all the watcher content including all the stuff i’m not interested in #Your content ain’t THAT good

[1v31182m5]

Lyrics by Tommy Dorsey's Street of Dreams 01:25

#I don't have the energy to explain this scene since I don't really think it's that necessary anyway #but shortly Shen's identity got exposed in this village about the things he did to the pandas and chameleon needs to act like she's on+ #their side to prevent her from getting hurt and attacked like how Shen is about to be #but the thing is she already knew about shen being shen but he didn't knew that she knew this so when he decides to flee off he never+ #sees her again because he thinks “oh she knows what kind of a person I am now and I saw how she looked at me during that we're clearly done” #little does he know melon did much worse and didn't got caught so it's fine #(she thought he was gonna return. he didn't.) #kfp #kfp fanart #lord shen #kfp chameleon #kfp 4 #kung fu panda #kung fu panda fanart #chameleon x lord shen #lord shen x chameleon

[syrupfog]

Moon and Sun

#one piece #trafalgar law #monkey d. luffy #my art #lawlu #GOD I SPENT A MILLION YEARS ON THIS #YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ITS BEEN LIKE TWO WEEKS OF PUTTING IT DOWN AND PICKING IT UP AGAIN #I AM SO PROUD #IT LOOKS LIKE HOW I WANTED IT TO LOOK #I’m not even mad in this moment that I forgot to go back and color the line work it’s FINE #aaaaaaah 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 I did it I’m proud of it #(listen it IS lawlu they’re clearly in love can’t u see it)

[erabu-san]

Hmm I apologize again for the rant !

It is not the first time I am doing it. I might forgot to put "please don't tag it as ship" under my drawing of tighnari cyno. Please, do not !

I love them as best friend, I love them as brother/found family, I don't mind the queerplatonic relationship at all

But their romantic side make me pretty uncomfortable. No hate ! It is my own taste.

Shippers are always welcomed and I am so glad you like my content 💕 but all my art concerning them (unless I tag the ship) are purely platonic. I just ask for some respect of my taste and not reblog my art with the ship tag.

I don't want to block, because I am genuinely glad you enjoy my work and as a young artist, it means a lot for me. Thank you so much 🙇 !! But as a human, I can't deny how uneasy it makes me feel.

Thank you for understanding !

#rant #I blame nobody #i am clearly not used to block ): I should tho but I know those who tag ship are not mean at all </3 #it is fine if you don't know. #but i saw people reblogging my art with shiptag even if i said “do not” #my art is like my only safe place please respect it #this ship is so popular and I clearly stop to interact with the fandom because of that #i clearly ignore when I saw one in my timeline /dashboard becausz I can't do nothinf against it except masking the account #but I beg you. not. under. my. post. #not in my DM #why i feel obligated to justify myself 😭 #but yeah !!! the ship is valid and full of greenflag !! wholesome !! #but I only enjoy them platonically !!! please respect 😭😭😭 I SWEAR I AM DESESPERATE WHY IT IS SO HARD FOR SOME TO RESPECT THAT OMG #gosh on twitter someone said me “ignore ??? what did you expect ??? it is the most popular ship” #I AM TRYING I AM LITERALLY NOT SEARCHING FOR FANART 😀 #feeding myself with my own food #that's why I am so grateful for people who support me. thank you. 😭 #and how could I ignore a comment under my post ??? interaction are so important for me I read everything #ANYWAY SORRY FOR RANTING !!! IT IS CLEARLY A /NOTMEAN POST !!! #next time I won't forgrt “do not tag it as ship” #but urgh if I do this I have to do in every post ???? 🤨 #and what if I draw tighnari cyno kaveh but I don't mind ship with kaveh ??? 🤨🤨🤨 (plz still don't) #tHERE IS PLENTY OF CYN0N4RI ACCOUNT IF YOU WISH TO SEE MORE CONTENT OF THEM !! Please support them <<3 mine are platonic ! #but clearly. imagine you are obsessive about two characters <<3 #but their popular ship is the one who make you the most uncomfy 😀 #so you decided to just stop looking at fanart and not bothering anyone 👍👍 #but it came under your post and your DM 😟 #AAA SORRY I AM SALTY I SWEAR I AM NOT USED TO FEEL LIKE THIS ):< #anyway plz take care ilove you mwah 🥺🥺🥺🥺💕💕

[riacte]

so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it

#ria.txt #i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????' #but then it was like. yeah. i see #love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations #also. izutsumi #what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes #the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected #hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille #not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop #it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes #haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face] #those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that #the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious #marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone- #-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH. #i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag #the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact #very solid and well rounded series wooo #the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together #anyways. dunmeshi au..... #more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison #ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters #which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste #false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her #martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy #stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty #the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone #i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her?? #and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy

[qcomicsy]

Writing Bruce feels like herding a wild cat to a door with a broom but the door it's a metaphor of 'not being an asshole'.

Me, trying to write Bruce being emotionally open and mature: He would not fucking say that.

#how does bruce even talk with people when he's being honest? I've noticed he CAN communicant clearly depending on te writer but even so #the line is very tricky #but I am in love with his pattern of speech he sits in this very fine line into being very well spoken but also easy to understand #I don't talk much about Bruce (in a serious note) but I've always been fun of the way he speak #When he is not Batman he has this kind cunny know it all attitude but it's not necessarily mean #it's when you catch Alfred's tone between the lines #sarcastic but not the 'on your face' kind #Bruce Wayne #writing

[autistic-katara]

me: dude im not even feeling that tired rn and haven’t for ages oh no oh fuck im probably accidentally faking my disability-

my chronic fatigue, loading ammunition into a massive fucking cannon: damn really bro?

#been so tired these past like 2 days #like not regular gotta lie down tired nah #like i don’t have the energy to do basically anything tired #and again i don’t mean like idk i can’t wash the dishes cause idk i’m sleepy or whatever #i mean like i physically can’t do or say like double the amount i normally can’t #like i’ll know how to do smthn or what to say clearly in my head but i just don’t have the energy to get it out if that makes sense #and that’s not like all of it but it’s one of the worst parts (at least rn) #like i feel like i’m actually going insane cause of this it’s just rlly weird #idek i am also like i gotta lie down most of the day tired #but it’s not that strong idk #this is turning into kinda a vent idk #but it’s fine to rb the actual post is fine #chronically ill #chronic fatigue #disabled

[cicada-candy]

POV: You Are So Fucked.

after resizing this four times to get it to post, i can officially say i've drawn something to big for even tumblr to handle. is this an achievement?? probably not. its probably the visual noise filters lol

aaaand smokeless version:

#my art #robbie reyes #all new ghost rider #fanart #ghost rider #eli morrow #yes ik ik badly drawn car is badly drawn #who needs references when you have determination? [me. clearly.] #and also the background but uhhh just avert your eyes its fine ":] #cw eyestrain #tw emeto #yep. for sure mom. i am studying. that is what i am doing. #things said by people that are So Gonna Fail That Exam #also for some reason writing the date mm/dd/yy was brutal #it was like brushing my teeth with my left hand lmao #hyper-hellfire

[vexangle]

regarding the clone vs robot poll. everyone who voted 'clone' owes identical twins $100

#its their REASONING. ​having the same DNA does not make you less of a person oh my goddddddddd #'who am i do i have a purpose separate from the original' literally yes #the answer is yes #answer me do you treat twins as pairs instead of individuals #if the reason was different then fine but so many responses were this #ur not in the movie 'the island' u are clearly living ur own life as an individual #maybe ur the result of an experiment but like. evidently after it succeeded you're getting to live as a person #like what is even the issue #its like if ur bio mother participated in clinical trials while pregnant with you. it doesnt say anything about your /purpose/ #and. so many of the other concerns with being a clone also applies to being a robot #but the robot has the addition of HOW??? #clone is WHY #robot is WHY and HOW #current technology is much closer to creating human clones than creating a robot out of human tissue in the same configuration #so the sheer contrast in resources required for an unclear goal leans towards the robot option as being fucked up #literally it is just such a waste #if i found out i was a robot id straight up be offended #and. a clone being sentient and having personhood makes sense #WHY would you make a robot sentient. on purpose #.vxt

[atopvisenyashill]

@fantasynovel no fr bc i feel like asoiaf is almost infamous for having terrible fanfic. like there wasn’t a huge boom in fic and fandom for asoiaf until like 2011-2012 ish (essentially right as the show took off - i started reading the series bc fucking everyone online was talking about it, and i think s2 had just started airing when I picked it up), so even though the fandom is quite old, there really wasn’t people writing huge amounts of fic until the show started bc at that point, like,, there’s no point in trying to contain fanfiction when the fandom is that big lmao.

but there’s PLENTY of huge fandoms that started around the same time or AFTER that have better fic and a decade + is plenty of time for everyone to get their act together so idk why asoiaf fic just sucks 😭😭 it feels like most of it is written by casual show watchers even tho i would say like 99% of fanfic writers are NOT going to be casual fans, but you just get really simplistic readings of the characters, or really ooc stuff, or just like. badly written porn lmao.

#and i will try anything like i was in a fandom that for some reason wrote predominantly y/n fic #but i read a lot of it bc you know what some of it was really interesting and clearly well researched #so it’s not even me being like ‘ugh fic is just sex’ i am LOOKING for weird sex stuff half the time aksjsj #it’s so bizarre a series with such great writing has gif that’s just like. here’s my au where robb marries margaery and everything is fine. #or like a bajillion modern no magic aus. enough ENOUGH

[the-gene-mile]

rewatched the premier definitely super legally and just look at them

#these tags get. very rambly. so expand at ur own risk i'm just kinda yelling here #bob's burgers #ur insane if u think i'm tagging every character #i HAVE to draw gene in this outfit proper u don't get it i just love when they let him go full music man #this premier made me clinically insane i don't think u understand they're consuming my thoughts like brain eating amoeba #catastrophic autism levels rn #god rest the poor souls at uni that'll ask how my weekend was #genuinely surprised they managed to get jjr. zeke. rudy. marshmallow. AND fischoeder in the premier #like they got ALL our fav little guys in here huh #no courtney or alex tho i'm fine. no it's fine that's fine #love how gene just started lying down at some point #lil bro did NOT care abt the chores he was invested in the narrative #there were some rly great bits in this ep too #gene just being dramatic. 'hey guys look at pepperoni the pony'. every time fischoeder was on screen #v strong premier i am clearly very normal abt it #ngl i just made this post to archive all these screenshots for myself bc i love the costumes here

[socialc1imb]

The Late Night Urge to reconnect with family members and build better relationships with them is cool and all however it is a shame that it is trumped by the Later Night Urge to push yourself further and further away bc man i have already screwed it up havent i

#this is fin #e #dog sitting in burning house meme #lmao its SO CHILL #i am handling lack of sleep fine and well clearly #cw vent #i guess !

[whentherewerebicycles]

ugh I am really struggling with a thing with a former student/mentee of mine. in the week or two of the post-hamas attack aftermath I posted something on instagram that was basically like, i feel an obligation to be an informed global citizen and believe me I read/think about/despair over the news every day but I also think it’s ok to really viscerally hate “doing politics” on social media, where complex, centuries-old geopolitical and cultural conflicts get reduced to a sensationalized infographic some teenager designed on canva last night. at the time I was watching people spread rampant misinformation about the hospital explosion when we had zero conclusive information, and had also just heard jon favreau talking about research indicating that something like 80% of the images and videos people were sharing on social media weren’t actually FROM the current conflict or couldn’t be verified as real. and idk I also have some private thoughts about how american leftists in particular really glom onto this issue because we perceive israelis as ‘white people’ and palestinians as people of color and we get to feel like we are exorcising our own country’s racial demons by advocating for the expulsion of the israeli people from land that many of them actually have deep historical ties to and at least a semi-legitimate cultural and religious claim to inhabiting.

to be clear I think the current israeli government is pretty much your trump-inspired shitty/evil right-wing militaristic populist movement and I feel like their response has squandered every single ounce of empathy garnered by the hamas attacks!! but idk I guess what I want to carve out space for is like, the right to say I AM NOT AN EXPERT HERE. I DO NOT HAVE DEEP ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE ROOTS OF THIS CONFLICT. I WORRY ABOUT SPREADING DANGEROUS MISINFORMATION IN BOTH DIRECTIONS IF I SHARE UNVERIFIED SOURCES OR REDUCTIVE TAKES. ALSO I AM A PRIVATE CITIZEN AND I DO NOT HAVE A “PLATFORM” JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNT. I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE CONFUSED, TO NOT PASS SNAP JUDGMENTS ON RAPIDLY EVOLVING INTERNATIONAL INCIDENTS, AND TO ENGAGE IN POLITICS BY MEANS OTHER THAN SOCIAL MEDIA POSTING. but idk this former student, who I had a really good relationship with for many years, has just come after me in my DMs and keeps sending me posts implying that anyone who is not furiously posting right now is pro-Palestinian genocide, etc etc, and meanwhile she is posting hundreds of unverified stories a day from Arabic-language sources that aren’t just like, anti-Zionist but are actively pro-Hamas, actively denying that the attacks on Israel happened, and actively calling for the immediate and violent expulsion of all Jews from the area. dude idk she’s not my student anymore so I think I’m just going to disengage/not respond and continue staying off insta because it sucks out there!! but it sucks!

I also just refuse to experience a war via unfiltered social media posts again. I did that for a month or two at the start of the ukraine invasion and I can’t unsee some of the stuff I saw on telegram. I don’t actually think any of us have a moral obligation to watch or share a 24/7 feed of graphic images of maimed corpses and crying children. I can’t make the violence STOP by watching that content and I also don’t believe that ravenously consuming the most terrible moments of people’s lives is a form of meaningful political solidarity. WHATEVER as you can see I still feel super conflicted about how to feel about all of this but I also have to remind myself that IT’S NOT NORMAL to click through my stories or scroll down my feed alternating between liking people’s cat photos and watching people dying half a world away. we were NOT BUILT to process world-historical events this way and it is OKAY to opt out of watching a livestream of human suffering you are personally powerless to do anything about.

#I think it is fine to post a lot about an issue you are passionate about! she is clearly passionate about this! #but I hate that the active-posting crowd often acts like people who don’t do exactly the same thing are evil complicit or indifferent #I am so distressed about the state of the world right now!!!! #but I just don’t want to do politics like that it makes me feel so much worse and often makes me feel more powerless