#im sure there are people who have this experience normally

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[milkweedman]

The colors of the copper on blackberry dye seem to have shifted from maroon to a very rich milk chocolate brown--which I will hardly complain about, since that's a hard brown to get. I do hope I get something more permanently reddish/purplish with alum--that's what I'll try next. I'm just waiting for the 9 pounds of raw fleece to arrive.

Last night I carded a lot of that blackberry dyed fleece and then put it on the blending board with about half of the white (which was the previous distaff dressing) as a little stripe to one side. Idk, just curious how it'll turn out and seemed more interesting to spin that way. Carding first definitely helps with consistency--both colors were willowed first and put on the blending board, but only the brown was carded as well, and it is much easier to keep smooth and least kind of even.

The one improvement of this phone camera over my old one is that it has a timer setting, so I can actually show where my hands normally are (sometimes anyway). Fairly comfortable although my distaff hand is starting to cramp. Might just be one of those days or might be too heavy for me, but the shape at least is good.

You can probably see that the white is still all over the place, but the brown is pretty even, just with lumps still on occasion. Also, the new height of this spindle means it's perfect for lap spinning rather than impossible to lap spin with, so I'm very happy about that.

#spinning #handspun yarn #distaff #supported spindle #id tag the breed name normally but i dont know what this stuff is (its some of the more aged wool i have in my stash lol) #natural dyeing #blackberry #if you are wondering what is up with the banners its an attempt at anti-radfeming my posts #since they insist on reblogging them and blocking seems to do nothing #hopefully they will be effective bc i love them and my fiance sent them to me ❤️ #if not tho we'll phase into tasteful cock drawings #and if that doesnt work just straight up dick pics #its my blog and i love cock so thats not a problem for me and would actually probably improve morale #not jumping straight to it because im gonna assume most of the people who enjoy my fiber arts posts dont necessarily also want dicks #on their blog #but me not having to see radfem trash reblogging my experiments and research obviously takes priority #i use those terms loosely but hey i am writing it down. and trying to get answers to questions. so im pretty sure technically i am #conducting experiments and research at least on occasion #and now i have to go back to work. if anyone wants to mercy kill me on the way out the door id really appreciate it

[trekkele]

i saw a post (that was part of a larger thing) that said “anger feels good” and no it doesn’t! I hate how anger makes me feel i hate how it sinks into you and sticks and makes everything and everyone an enemy, everything and everyone someone to hurt and to blame. Anger doesn’t feel good it feels easy and its so easy to sit in it and let it control you and having to claw at your own ribcage to get it out it is so hard, its so fucking hard, and sometimes you’re so tired and you just want it to be easy, just once, just let that anger sit and let it be easy

I don’t have a point here, i just. Anger is easy. Easy doesn’t get shit done around here.

#anger maked me physically feel sick and like slitting my wrists would be a better option then dealing with whatever made me angry #snd this isn’t some self righteous thing im sure there are normal well adjusted people who do have that response to anger #where is makes you feel good and powerful and like your feelings can do something #god that experience sounds fucking amazing where can i get that anger #probably comes free with your mental health #(<- a joke.) #i really done have a point here i just saw that ‘anger feels good’ while scrolling and almost laughed #because ive felt nauseous the last hour after being angry and I cannot relate #anyways fucking vote either way #and smile at your cashier everyone is feeling like shit i promise you

[em0-opossum]

sick of people acting like being alone/lonely = being single. ofc you're allowed to feel like that, I'm aro and could not care less that I don't have a partner so I have no idea what it feels like to have that experience, but god just once I'd like to find poetry and art made by people who know how it feels to have no friends and feel lonely no matter how many people are around you and know that you don't belong no matter where you are

#I'm lucky enough to have two good friends right now who i love very much #but that doesn't mean that they understand how i feel or how i have felt #and knowing you're alone in that overbearing loneliness just alienates you more and further perpetuates the feeling #i still miss out on so many opportunities to be friends with people i genuinely want to be friends with so bad because i can't talk to them #i still get so paranoid sometimes and stop replying to anyone because I'm convinced they hate me and there's something wrong with me #sometimes to the point where i avoid teachers who i need to talk to because i am sure that everything i say will be wrong #even someone being nice can feel awful because i think that they just feel bad or are pretending and actually trying to make fun of me #i know nobody actually knows who i am or how i feel because i hide everything to fit in with people and what they need/want #i have never felt like i belong anywhere and trying to explain that to people is so hard #there are times i love being alone but knowing that I've missed out on every regular human experience is so isolating #i just want to be normal and have friends i love and hang out with and talk to and not feel like every word i say could be the end of me #and when i try to find anybody who relates all i get is “oh im alone again :(( being single is awful” #i really do empathize with those people but it is nothing like my experience of loneliness #(tags are just for finding people who relate) #social anxiety #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #actuallyavpd #loneliness #chronic loneliness

[orcelito]

Idk if ppl just haven't been paying attention to it or if it's like... idk, less of a big deal than I've felt for the past Uhhh lmao fuck 9 years now, almost. But like. I've Barely been hiding scars bc I wanna wear my shorts and like Whatever. & I haven't had Anyone comment, so??? Idk

#speculation nation #& ive noticed scars on other ppl b4 and been like Oh okay #but also i dont feel like my pov is the normal one bc this comes from a place of understanding #as a fellow person who is Fucked In The Brain or whatever like. i get it. #idk i still am Very careful about it at work bc i dont want this to be a thing people know about me there #but randos on the street? who gives a fuck. #& ngl if they have a problem with it i can just b like 🤨 why were you looking at my upper thighs in the first place? #sorry for being so open about this for once but i just wanted to. talk about it. #it's a very weird experience having that 'fuck it' sort of mentality #helps that i got nothing fresh. pretty sure im done with that now. like officially lol. #ready to move on & why should i be held back by stuff from the past? no thanks lol #self harm ment/ #2 b safe. since like lol #also hi im doing ok. still in the car so not Amazing but could be worse. could be worse...

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

My boss: Alright, Monday will be your first shift alone as a shift lead!

Me: Cool! Is it the shift I'm familiar with and have worked as long as I've been here?

Boss: Nope!

Me: ... Okay, but will I at least be working with people I've worked with before, or even met?

Boss: Not at all!

Me: Alright. So uh... Are you going to tell me what the duties are for this shift?

Boss: No! You can learn on the job!

Me: So... How do you expect me to effectively run this shift?

Boss: Figure it out! But just so you know, if you mess anything up then I will express my extreme disappointment the next day.

#there are three main shifts where i work #5am-1pm which is the opening shift. its worked by one person. awhile ago he made me do this shift without telling me the opening duties #but i figured it out #then theres 7am-3pm which is when i normally work #and last theres 3pm-11pm #the closing shift. ive never worked it before #but its my first shift as a solo shift lead. and ill be leading people that ive never met before #im sure we're all happy about this situation #im going to have to entirely follow their lead and ill be open about that at least #i am not happy with my boss for putting me in this situation #and he swotched my schedule without checking with me #now i work 3-11 twice a week. i hate it #i am just so tired man and i dont have time or patience for this #i need to start another job hunt but also... i have good pay. i dont usually mind the environment. im good at it #ugh. kinda hate it tho ngl. i kind of want to get some shift lead experience because then i can put that on my resume #and maybe thatll gelp me get some better jobs in the future? #im so tired and i dont want to be here. i dont know anyone. i dont know what im doing. i hate working late shifts #my internal schedule is going to be so fucked. two days off. three days working 7am-3pm. two days working 3pm-11pm #fuck this fuck this fuck this #i used to work 1pm-9pm so i know late shifts suck for me. but who cares. #anyway gonna go die on my first 3-11 #on the bright side. two of my friends (both named Josh) are going on their first date today. im gonna get all the tea after my shift #so theres something to look forward to

[snekdood]

until a lot of wemen stop ghosting ppl over the dumbest shit i dont think imma be able to trust any of them, ever

#which i hate to say seriously but some of yall are unhinged in a BAD way #and no babe i dont mean 'bad' in the way black ppl use it i mean actually shitty #ya ruin dating for everyone involved. im sure theres some normal women out there that arent like this but the vocal catty ones #are so loud and insufferable and idk how ppl are gonna act when i interact with them regardless that its honestly not worth the #possible rejection over something so very fucking stupid. #i get that you have issues and trust issues too- trust me- i literally grew up like you did- its why i also have trust issues #(+ the negative experiences ive had with cis women who have more social power than me as a trans person) #but its really not an excuse to ghost people for. going to fucking starbucks???????????? hs bully behavior. none of yall should date. #it'd make it a lot easier to find the normally hinged women out there if you stayed tf away from other humans forever.

[gachaparadise]

starting to think Manus Vindicte was right tbh.

#i'm still playing R1999. oops. #i meant to drop it but... i really like the gameplay. #it's simple and easy and relaxing #the story is... not for me! i don't care. honestly i find it annoying. and a little stupid. #i'm sure it's good for people who like that sort of thing but it's not to my tastes. i wouldn't read it of my own free will #but i have to read it to unlock new material maps so... im skimming. #and as i skim i came to the above thought. #started reading ch 3 and like. the foundation sucks shit fuck them. i dont care what they're trying to accomplish i'm not interested #i don't actually know manus's goals that well but. they're not doing unethical mind invasion experiments to me against my will #nor are they raising children in a creepy school cult. they're just killing people which is a cool and fun and normal crime. #post: misc

[beelzzzebub]

fr i just wanna fall asleep in someone's arms

#tag goes here #me and my inability to form normal interpersonal connections #me and my less than a week of dating experience #me and my chronic loneliness #me and my one best friend who's actually my sibling aka mandatory friend #no tbh i love them so much i literally cannot even describe #they are so amazing and beyond incredible #theyre so talented and kind and funny and smart and genuine and just the best person i know literally #i just kind of resent my own lack of ability to form connections outside of the realm of forced proximity #in that basically all my friendships have formed out of or take place in situations where there is a lack of other options #anyway #it would be nice to form a lasting friendship #just as like proof that i'm capable of that #and like that people are capable of wanting that with me as well #same with romantic relationships #im even worse off in that department lmao #at this point im not even sure if im capable of being loved in that way #bc like who would choose me #consciously or unconsciously #theres just so many amazing people in the world #how could i ever be an option #these tags are off the rails man #i dont even know if im gonna post this actually lmao #but i feel like ive gotten out a good rambly vent here #so idk well see #ig #vent post #idk lmao #anyway im putting this here #(thumbs up)

[bitternanami]

something i think is really interesting about dungeon meshi is the cast's respective views on food as the story progresses. the way many adventurers get through the dungeon is to eat when they Must, but mostly rely on healing magic to keep going when they're tired or beaten down. death is something you can buy your way out of, here.

having these lower stakes when it comes to running yourself too hard has made a lot of people in this setting kind of devalue food and what it does for you.

im not all the way through the manga yet, but so far i really like how it goes about debunking that mindset.

long post under the cut, cw explicit discussion of disordered eating. textual depiction of unhealthy methods of dealing with it. please be cautious!

it seems like to most folks, food is either a decadent luxury, like when the governor offers mr tance a feast as a show of power and wealth, (although he is the only one who actually eats in that scene as he talks about his ambitions);

[id: the governor and mr. tance talk politics and hierarchies, while the governor eats from a bowl. mr. tance's meal is not visible behind a speech bubble.

"so you believe the sorceror is an elf?" he asks.

"i can't say with absolute certainty," mr. tance replies, "but the spells are not ones dwarves and humans typically use." /end id]

like the painted-royal feasts laios tries to partake in that never actually nourish him...

[id: laios, fresh out of the living painting feast, surprisedly holding his grumbling stomach /end id]

or, to the working class, it's pretty much exclusively fuel. i'm thinking about the scene where kabru's party, ostensibly intended to be our view into how adventuring Typically goes for most people, is shown preparing to go to the dungeon by like. walking up to someone and ordering 'a weeks' worth of rations.' purely functional.

[id: kabru enters a store, and the merchant says "welcome!"

kabru says "i need a week's worth of rations for six, and two days' worth of water."

"sure thing." the merchant then reaches behind him and grabs a large cube-shaped package, wrapped in nondescript cloth and tied in place. it thumps onto the counter in front of them both. /end id]

when kabru hands mickbell his food for the trip, he complains about how heavy it is on his back. it's a necessary liability.

we also see chilchuck, in an early chapter where there isn't much food to go around, grumbling about how he used to be better at not noticing when he was hungry. he's frustrated that he's more attuned to his bodily needs, now that he's starting to fill them with regularity.

[id: chilchuck, the only one awake, sits in his bedroll and glares at the timekeeping-candle burning down in front of him while he listens to his stomach growl. moving to find his canteen and fill himself with water instead, he thinks to himself, "my stomach has gotten weaker. i used to be able to go two days without food." /end id]

(like im not even gonna lie this is a big mood. the healing process is really really annoying)

even laios, early on, working out the logistics of going back for falin, considers his expenses and ultimately the thing he decides to save money on is their food supply. like, even the guy most invested in eating as an experience kind of just assumes he will Figure It Out. its what hes eating, not how hes eating it that matters to him at that point.

[id: marcille looks down at the ingredients they've gathered, the walking mushroom and the scorpion in an unappetizing heap on the ground, and asks laios "so how exactly do we eat them?"

he responds "let's just cook them, like normal." /end id]

but its here that senshi introduces the idea of food as art and as healing. its exciting and its fascinating for laios, getting to taste the creatures hes been reading about and fighting, but i dont think it would ever really help him feel full if not for this.

[id: three panels of laios tasting the scorpion hotpot, looking stunned, and then excitedly telling senshi "delicious!"

senshi matches his energy, asking "isn't it? isn't it?" /end id]

pictured: guy who had resigned himself to kind of just doing his best rediscovers the joy in something tasting really fucking good

what they did last time isnt going to work. falin is gone, and constantly anesthetizing their pain and healing through their weakness is no longer a realistic option for the party. in order to make it through they must all relearn how to eat well, one by one and as a group over and over again, because its either that or nothing.

one of my favorite depictions of this idea thus far is when marcille is seriously low on health and mana, and both of these problems are mitigated by taking care of herself, and trying to get iron and protein

[id: marcille, looking sickly, wakes to laios saying, "marcille, marcille, can you sit up? we've got something nice for you."

she watches senshi grill pieces of kelpie liver on a low fire, while laios ties a bib around her neck. /end id]

and drinking a bunch of dead water spirits. she gets the idea, she's supposed to get in nutrients and it'll help her feel better, but in aiming for the quick, inefficient fix, namely chugging that shit down like she heard it was good to Stay Hydrated and decided that would be the thing that fixes her,

[id: marcille throws back a cup of boiled undine-water, her face red. laios asks, "do you really need to drink it that fast?"

she gasps out "...the magical energy stored in nature spirits is actually quite hard to absorb. even if you drink a lot, the majority of it is excreted without being absorbed," and takes another drink. "that's why i need to drink as much as i can."

laios says weakly "you'll get water poisoning," but marcille only stops when senshi puts a hand on her shoulder and says,

"it's easier to absorb nutrients if ye digest them with food. that's a fundamental rule of nutrition."

marcille says, "senshi..." contemplative

and he holds out a bowl of tentuclus and a thumbs up. "let's get cooking!" /end id]

she doesn't immediately realize the answer is that she needs more than that. she's been working hard. she needs care, and she needs nourishment.

once she gets that, though, she makes her boiled water into a stew, and she works to make that stew as good as she can, and everyone can have some.

because in dungeon meshi, to feed yourself or allow yourself to be fed is treated as performing a kindness for yourself. food is what propels you, but there is also an art and a joy inherent to the process of making it; in the way you feel when you've had enough to eat.

[id: senshi watches as chilchuck and marcille eat and excitedly hash out plans.

"i've got a good feeling about this! maybe it'll work out!" chilchuck says

marcille responds, "well it's easier to feel optimistic on a full stomach!"

senshi smiles, proud. /end id]

^^^ i want to put this image on my wall

when you're working through disordered eating habits, you really do have to keep learning this shit. (in my experience, learning about cooking is one of the best ways to do so.)

i'll have to see if my thesis holds up as i continue, but i think one of the reasons the portrayal here resonates with me so hard is that ryoko kui puts most of her characters at eye level with me on this. they're all working at it, too. the text and i are both commiserating, and encouraging each other, 'have some more, you'll feel better.'

#its late -_- idk if this fullly gets across what i mean but ive been thinking about this for weeks #dungeon meshi #recovery #cooking tag #disordered eating cw #im on chp 31 atm but im like. squinting and steepling my fingers looking for this theme as i go now

[faggy--butch]

sorry to ramble in your inbox but its kinda fucking me up how "trans man with a cishet boyfriend who misgenders him behind his back" is like seen to be a person to make fun of in the general queer tumblr space instead of a person who is in a vulnerable situation. i know that there is trans men who are also women and there are trans men who are genuinely okay with dating a cis man who considers himself straight but people talking about these hypothetical couples arent talking about these situations but rather about "haha stupid trans man doesnt realize hes dating a bigot"

theres this attitude that the hypothetical cishet boyfriend is actually a conservative so it should be obvious to trans man that he doesnt respect his identity but i feel like its less "oh its obvious that this specific man is a bigot" and more "obviously cishet white men are bigots" and its weird how people laugh at this person instead of acknowledging that even if you are dating a bigot its usually not a big win for you personally. like the bigot cishet boyfriend isnt going to be okay with his trans man boyfriend starting testosterone. like we can sympathize with emotional abuse happening towards other groups but when its gay and mspec trans men its like "oh he should have known that would happen" or "its his fault for dating a bigot"?

of course people have the same making fun of the victim narrative with afab nonbinary people who date cishet men who misgender them [and im sure this bleeds over to affecting all nonbinary people if people arbitrarily decide theyre afab if the nonbinary person refuses to tell them personal information about themselves but the larger narrative always specifies that this is an afab person] and its almost like a "this is what you get for being attracted to men" sort of thing.

and also i theres something to be said about warning people for signs their partner or potential partner doesnt respect their identity but considering i imagine its a common anxiety among trans and nonbinary people who are into that sorta thing to wonder "am i ever going to find someone who loves me and is also accepting of me for being [insert gender here]?" its sort of fucked up for it to be common to basically claim "yea if youre dating a cis man who said he was straight before he started dating you but says he respects your identity hes probably just straight up lying to your face" and then laugh at the person getting misgendered for not knowing they were being misgendered.

anyway sorry for this big ramble i cant even remember specific instances of this to reference so i might seem like im making up a guy to be mad at but i swear this is like a general attitude and almost running joke i see around. anyway. have a good day.

I absolutely see that too, and I think it's a mixture of straight up victim blaming, because oh noo how dare you WANT to date *gasp* cis men

but it come with an intense transandrophobia and exorsexism because there's a lot more sympathy when it comes to cis women dating cishet men "poor things uwu" but when it's trans men or in this case non binary people assumed to be women, it's always "see I told you so" smug superiority. (cis women get this too, because of misogyny obviously, but it's different and worse for trans men) People are just waiting for a chance to be misogynistic and trans men are an acceptable target. This is honestly extra fucked up when we remember that trans men experience some of the highest rates of domestic violence and rape in the community though.

being trans is such a vulnerable place to be in, and a lot of people, trans or not are insecure or just want to be loved, that's normal. A lot of people are willing to accept certain behaviors from their partners that are bad, because of those reasons as well, victim blaming, and ESPECIALLy telling trans men to toughen up or "what did you expect" is apart of the toxic expectations that get placed of trans men as well. I could honestly go on for hours about this. good ask,anon

#transandrophobia #asks

[requiemsystem]

ADVICE FOR NEWLY DISCOVERED OR SUSPECTED SYSTEMS

if you suspect you may be a system or have recently discovered that youre a system, things can be confusing and hard. im making this post as someone who has been aware of being a system for about 5 years and has been diagnosed for 2. these are things i wish we knew and did. i hope it will be helpful to some of you and i wish you luck on discovering things about yourself and your system keep in mind everyone is different and systems are no exception, so what i list here might be incredibly beneficial for one person but do nothing for another. find what works for you. i will try to provide a variety of advice in order for you to see what fits you best DO YOUR RESEARCH research the disorder, try to find others experiences and things you think would help you. this is especially helpful if you are suspecting and not yet sure if you have it, researching symptoms and others experiences can be very helpful in determining START SYMPTOM LOGGING this can be as simple as "i blacked out today" or "i dont feel like myself right now", you dont have to be identifying switches or putting names to alters, theres no rush to be able to do that and some systems have no desire to do that symptom logging is useful because it can help you identify potential triggers and patterns in your symptoms. for example, if you can remember what happened before a period of amnesia and remember being exposed to a stressful event or something potentially triggering, this would be worth writing down to see if its a recurring pattern REACH OUT TO OTHER ALTERS this can be done in a variety of ways, but the easiest way would be to leave a note in a place itll be seen. for example, a sticky note on a mirror (if you live with other people and cant do this, try leaving a note on your phone in a frequently checked app) i would advise saying something along the lines of "hello, i am (name) and i would like to communicate with you. i suspect we have a disorder called (DID/OSDD) and we share the same body and mind. please write back to me in (location, can be a notebook or app etc) and tell me some about yourself if you feel comfortable" but you can say whatever works for you. i just think the main points to cover are having DID/OSDD and introducing yourself as well as asking for an introduction in return START WORKING ON COMMUNICATION this takes a lot of practice, so i always say its better to build up early rather than late. we have a whole post on it that can be found here REMINDERS AND THINGS TO REMEMBER if you do not remember your trauma, do not dig for it. it isnt safe to try to remember trauma without professionals help. if you happen to remember, thats one thing, but dont intentionally seek out triggers to try to remember denial is common and not a sign of faking, if you were faking you would know and would not be in denial. being wrong about having DID/OSDD (if you are suspecting but not sure) is not the same as faking no two systems are the same. you dont have to look exactly like some other system you know or online to be real its normal to not know everything right away. you wont know all your alters immediately, you may not be able to access (and you may not have) your innerworld, you probably wont remember all of your trauma without professionals help, etc. its all normal its totally ok to keep information about your system private. there is no need to share with anyone you do not feel completely safe and comfortable with switching at any frequency is normal, there is no "correct" amount to switch. any amount of alters is normal, there is no "correct" amount of alters. any level of amnesia is normal, there is no "correct" level of amnesia apps like simply plural and bots like pluralkit can be incredibly helpful for some systems, but there is absolutely no pressure to use them if you do not feel comfortable - grey

#did osdd #osdd did #did system #osdd system #osddid #actually dissociative #dissociative identity disorder #other specified dissociative disorder #did alters #actually did #c did #complex did #did alter #osdd #actually osdd #osdd 1b #did #traumagenic system #dissociative system #osdd 1a #did discovery #osdd discovery

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

#and there's something else in there about like .... #tbh once i got over something like 1k followers #i stopped being specific about my ED for a REASON. #yes on ur personal locked blog that u use like a diary go ahead etc #but we are OBVIOUSLY not talking about that. we're talking about the sheer NUMBER of people i could be talking about #in that one paragraph. that you and i probably were thinking about 2 different influencers #bc they get to say that they're just posting FITNESS and if it's FITNESS it's OKAY and im like #jesus christ lord almighty #every person in recovery from an ED: this is incredibly dangerous holy shit do you know how much this would have triggered me #each of these ppl: how dare you!!!!!!!!! i am only harming those who WANT to engage with my content!!!!! #their followers: leave them alone !!! they can't help that they make an hours-long choice to frame their disorder as if it was #fucking cottagecore !!!! #like girlie this person needs THERAPY #again! i didn't even have that large of a following before i IMMEDIATELY deleted any specific mention of calories food etc #bc i recognize responsibility and i didnt EVER want to even ACCIDENTALLY encourage this #and im not even GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!! #aND THEY ARE!!! #something something something they know this content makes them money #they don't give a SHIT about u babe

[cosmicpoutine]

leaving a lil rant here :]

I love Tim and his ships sm. Me personally, I only really ship TimKon. Those two are perfect for eachother and have so much clear queer coding that it’s crazy, and they have dialogue that’s just. gay shaped.

I also get TimBart, I don’t ship it romantically but I get why people do!! Tim and Bart are close as well, and the balance they get between ‘depressed tired wet cat’ and ‘living breathing embodiment of adhd’ is great.

I also get TimBartKon, they’re a trio. They are always a trio, so many people like to bring up how TimKon has so much coding and one of the big examples they use is when Tim tried to clone Kon. You know who else he tried to clone? Bart.

The only Tim ship I don’t get is TimBern, or any ship involving those two. When Bernard first appears, he’s Tim’s bully. He actively makes fun of tim and puts him down and then that character is forgotten about until Tim comes out as bi, then they just rework his character and go “haha guys this is his boyfriend not bully ygs are crazy” and just forget about all the bad stuff Bernard did? Reworking a character is great and all but, it just feels a bit weird and out of place for me. There’s always going to be that certain toxicity for TimBern, at least for me.

homie... bully??? im flabbergasted- im speechless- im jason todd (dead)

okay, im gonna start off by saying you have all the right to not ship them, and im not here to defend timbern as a ship. im here to defend BERNARD DOWD.

first thing bernard does is give tim advice about teachers, and he clearly says they're gonna be good friends.

if bernard was a bully, tim wouldn't hang around him so much. besides, i hate it when people place tim as a helpless little boy who would get bullied. he has put himself in situations where he looks weak on purpose to keep his identity safe, but he's not a victim at all. tim is a social butterfly because he's really good at masking and reading people.

not to mention, both bernard and darla push tim a lot because they're trying to get him to open up and be closer to them, but he keeps pushing them away. tim is a professional liar.

and when tim has to quit robin and start hanging out with normal people, he invites bernard over.

and bernard is acting relatively normal, and he wants to play video games and talk about how hot tim's stepmom is.

bernard is a normal teenager who has no idea one of his friends is the hero he's so obsessed with. he even shows concern for robin dying and makes up an entire conspiracy theory about batman havin a robin orphanage. you can tell he's afraid of robin being gone for real because at this point they haven't seen robin in months bc tim retired.

i dont know what about all of these interactions gave you the vibe that he's a bully because all i see is a normal teenager teasing his friends and being jealous tim gets more bitches.

im not saying that bernard was never mean or weird around tim, but he definitely wasn't actively bullying tim.

bernard is obnoxious and cocky, yes. but thats just because they wrote him as a real person. he's the school's chameleon, maybe even a little bit of a loser, too. he knows everyone but keeps a safe distance so that he doesn't get pushed into a box. im not sure if, at this point, he was already in a cult or being indoctrinated, but when we see his parents and the dowd home in tim drake: robin that just doesn't look right.

also homie talk about "forgetting all the bad things bernard did" (which in my opinion is none but okay lets follow that logic) everyone forget about all the bad things batman did to tim, he was not a kind and loving mentor, he was cruel to both tim and steph. we forget that batman was kind of an asshole to damien in the beginning. all those things are forgotten for the sake of the batfam.

in conclusion: we're just so used to the idea that superheroes can only ever form strong friendship bonds by having near death experiences together that we forget that the secret identifies exist and that the people who know them by their legal name also means a lot to them. after all, these people are the reason why they're heroes.

#bernard dowd #timbern #tim drake #i could make a 2 hours long video essay on bernard dowd and how deep his character actually goes #but yall are not ready for that #ask #cosmic inbox

[orcelito]

Ok it is officially a Bad Night haha

#speculation nation #negative/ #im trembling very hard right now #vaguely negative mood turned to outright terror when someone on an otherwise empty street called out to me. telling me to 'come here' #and i entirely ignored him and sped away. and then a car was driving after me. #and i dont know if it was him but in that moment i was sure it was him and now im home and huddled in my bathroom #because i dont feel safe anywhere with windows #all i want is to be able to peacefully decompress outside but there are People there and they Shout #and no one's come banging on my door or windows but i am still paranoid that that dude followed me here and will have a grudge or SOMETHING #what an experience. all consuming terror that makes my legs feel like jelly. #feels very much like the double giant centipede experience lmfao. except a lot more paranoia inducing #well i guess the centipedes made me scared of my bathroom for a solid week. but that still wasnt in the Scared For My Life kind of way #the car was probably unrelated. they didnt slow at all when i veered into my apartment's lot #i was biking a different way than normal for. enrichment i guess. #but i couldnt even enjoy it bc i was fucking terrified for most of the way lol #god knows im never fucking heading that way at this time of night again #literally why would you call out to a random stranger like that. who looks like a small girl no less. #in what world would that be anything BUT terrifying?????? #im fucking scared of men i dont know ESPECIALLY at night and E S P E C I A L L Y when theres no one else around #im calming down now. still nervous but no longer terrified. but holy fucking shit that was the Opposite of the decompressing i needed. #i miss having a balcony something Fierce. a controlled little section of outside for me to sit in. #just me and my basement and the stupid fucking bugs. ugh #bugs ment/

[ilovelumity3000]

It is genuinely amazing to see an openly sapphic couple in fiction like Rae and Claire.

They have normal paying jobs, they have kids who they have to prepare for school every morning. They have sex on regular basis, but theyre also worried about apearing as "too obsessed with sex", as a by-product of living in a homophobic society.

Theyre often not sure how to handle their children, and they still have to learn from both each other, and other adults, on how to be good parents.

One of their children is especially gifted, while the other one is essentially disabled, while also having enormous talents in areas other then her sister.

Aside from going down as important historical figures, and all having anime powers, theyre just a normal family, that feels like it could actually exist in the real world

Anyway, im very happy that more people are going to experience this amazing story soon

#iltv #im in love with the villainess #i favor the villainess #wataoshi #wataoshi spoilers #watashi no oshi wa akuyaku reijou #rae taylor #claire francois #relaire #rae x claire #aleah francois #may francois #light novel #isekai #yuri #wlw