#which you know could mean nothing

[regina-del-cielo]

Maybe it's a 'study finds water is wet' type of thought, but

considering it's an action movie whose overall plot is "immortal warriors Fuck Shit Up™️", I think it's significant that in The Old Guard the thing that makes Copley pull red strings through his Murder Conspiracy Board and say "[Merrick] doesn't care what [Andy]'s done with [her immortality]" is the people they save, not the ones they kill

Most of the Conspiracy Board is him circling random newspaper headlines and faces on old photographs to (more or less realistically) follow the immortals' treck through the world and big historical events. Which is, in-canon, not much different than putting portraits from different centuries next to a picture of Keanu Reeves and saying "they look the same, clearly Reeves is an immortal!"

But then there are the connections. A little girl holding Joe's hand in WW1 becoming the youngest (and first) woman to be awarded a Nobel Prize for Medicine (suck it, Kozak). Or the grandchild of a family that Andy saved from [something] helping people escape from the Khmer Rouge genocide in Cambodia.

They are warriors. They have fought and been in the midst of countless wars, major or minor, throughout history. They must have killed as many people as they saved... and yet.

It's not them taking out a random warlord or dictator or rabidly hateful politician that has tangible repercussions in history. It's the children and families they get out of war zones, save from accidents, protect from natural disasters. People to whom they give a second chance at life, and grow to change the world (or even just their own world), like a mysterious stranger once changed theirs just by holding out a hand or patching a wound.

I don't know I just think it's particularly neat

#my ponderings #the old guard #I know we all love to play the 'if you could go back in time and kill One Person who would it be' game #but I think a movie that makes it EXTREMELY SATISFYING to see the Bad Guys die - #- having 'actually the best and greatest changes happen when people help each other' as its underlying message... #it means something #I also think it connects to Andy feeling like nothing she does changes anything at the start of the movie #for 80% of her life you could Solve A Problem by Taking Out The Guy Causing The Problem #especially in battle! you kill the general and you win. if you win the Problem Is Solved #but then everything becomes More Complex. the Problems™️ are globalized and/or systemic. #and Winning a Battle means just killing people. it doesn't Stop The Problem (nor really end a war) #so it feels useless #and even when they save people... they can’t stay in people's lives for long because immortality #which means they can never know what happens to the people they save #they don't (and can't) have the full picture

[planetwaving]

still losing my mind over this . you literally sang the song what the fuck did you think it was about ??? 😭

#paul might not know anything about the guy but you LITERALLY STUDIED HIM . you know that shit had Nothing to do with FLW #whatever. wikipedia also says that he writes about Paul Simon that “one loves the giver of a beautiful gift”. #which could mean nothing. #s&g #simon and garfunkel

[egophiliac]

thank you for blessing us with twst pokemon au i appreciate it greatly. if i may ask you a question

how does one read book 7 without selling their soul to the deep dark web. i've been wanting to read the other parts for a while but i can't find a place with all the chapters. i've seen translations on youtube but i don't think they have all of them?

(also why'd you government name mickey like that on your last post what did he do)

thank you! :D

I'm not really sure where to find up-to-date main story translations, so opening it up to the floor for other people to chime in! for reference, the latest release in JP was episode 7 chapter 6 on December 11th, which covered 7-88 through 7-100. fingers crossed for more in February...but that's where we're at right now!

(Michael knows what he did)

#twisted wonderland #(the real answer is that i just think using his full name is funny) #(ala donald fauntleroy and george g. geef) #i am once again forming baseless conspiracy theories about the schedule #the rest of january is going to be kind of a light month for us between master chef and then magift ruggie #which makes me hope it's leading up to another big drop next month 👀 #it could mean nothing i am just eternally thirsty for more episode 7 #but look at that nice big gap between cater and azul's birthdays where it could fit riiiight in... #god i don't know what i'm going to do if they drop more story cards though #i have to save for sebek and silver's birthdays! #i am finally having some luck again with getting the diasomnia birthday cards and i want the streak to continue #this concludes another edition of rambling about my personal gacha woes thank you for attending #joseimuke games are serious business

[michaeljoncarter]

i really don't mean to sound like a dick, but the more i see people trying to talk about "nuclear/traditional families" vs "non-traditional/chosen families," the more it really seems like a lot of people have absolutely no idea what the hell they're talking about or what these "chosen families" that defy the traditional family structure they claim to like so much even really look like

sorry, but "what if there was no mom" is not some crazy, groundbreaking unconventional dynamic. yes, the dictionary definition of a nuclear family is "het couple + kids," but also it's not 1956 anymore. single parent families are basically just nuclear family lite at this point. there's really nothing all that mold-breaking about an only-technically-non-nuclear-family where the only real difference is that you deleted the woman lol

#do u know what i mean. do u #i don't mean to sound mean but jesus god #it's just likee.. i grew up in one of these Weird families and none of these characters are relatable anymore lol #it's just 2.5 kids/picket fence life with a different coat of paint #adopted children & nontraditional family units are NOT the same thing #and conflating them is imo kinda fucked up in implying the relationship btwn adopted parents/kids is inherently different somehow #current batfam is about as traditional as you could possibly get. he's treated as unquestionably their father & they're his kids #& referred to as siblings #there's nothing norm-breaking about that. they're literally just treated as adopted kids #which sucks for its own reasons but #just wack to me to see people claiming the batfam are the weird ones more than the superfam on these grounds #'the superfam is more like a normal family the bats are the weird ones' you can literally only be referring to modern comics with that #and the only thing they have going for them over the bats re: 'normality' rn is that they're blood related where the bats are adopted kids #you know what i mean?????????!? #like i know people don't MEAN it that way but ekngljfvn

[lastoneout]

People who are newer to FromSoft games tend to think that the best way to be rude to someone you just fought is to teabag them, but this is incorrect. If you teabag me I will simply think "ah what an immature dick" and move on.

However, if you do the gesture where you point down at the ground after fighting me, I will consider it a horrendous slight against my entire being and all I hold dear, and will simmer with rage while praying for your swift demise for the rest of the day. It's truly the most powerful and grievous of insults, and will make any player who's in the know fucking hate you.

Essentially, the teabagging is a "haha gottem" which is easy to brush off, while the point down is a firm "you suck at this game" and needless to say, it hits different.

#nothing wrong with being new but it is very clear when players in elden ring #bcs they are not privy to the unspoken etiquette that has been a staple of the community from the beginning #teabaging is rude but pointing down?? that's the real dick move #that's how you REALLY make it hurt #elden ring #dark souls #soulsborne #fromsoft #all you need to know is 1) don't heal during a pvp fight #2) waving your shield means 'let's fight' #and 3) pointing down mean 'you're bad at this' which is meaner than anything else you could do or say

[unopenablebox]

i admit that i find it a little bit frustrating how Wildly Astonished other antizionist jews act when i tell them my israeli jewish family have lived in the region since [some unknown length of time before 1800 when there start being records about it]

#and then they're like ''ohhh they're mizrahi!'' [connotation nonwhite‚ virtuously indigenous] #and i have to be like. no. it's just that‚ as palestine was in fact ottoman-administered greater syria for most of the last 600 years‚ #you could get there from other parts of the ottoman empire. such as the part of now-ukraine your ashkenazi family is also from. #it wasn't actually a hermetically sealed arab-only ethnostate that evaporated immigrants on sight. it was a pretty decent place to live as #a jew by at least some accounts. or better than the front of the hapsburg-ottoman war anyway which is where they were coming from. #i'm not sure who you think it's serving exactly to believe that there were literally no ashkenazim in the middle east before the 1st aliyah #however there were some. and this information does not actually threaten a modern anti-state of israel position like at all. #but since apparently you've constructed your new Diaspora-Centric Identity around the idea that 'palestine' and 'diaspora' #are the two mutually exclusive nonoverlapping regions and the former is ontologically a no-european-jews-allowed zone #i guess i can give you a minute to try to figure it out. #ugh sorry this is nothing it isn't anything. for one thing it's fantastically unimportant #and for another thing i don't know how to like talk about it in a way that doesn't make me sound at least kind of like im trying to justify #myself as being somehow less complicit or something. i mean i think my complicity as an american dwarfs the rest of it honestly but. #i just feel really insanely alienated where the rhetoric of my theoretically most closely politically aligned group is not really built to #like. accommodate the facts of my family history. #sorry. i have honestly no idea why im so obsessed with articulating this concept ive just been chewing on it pointlessly for days #box opener

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!

#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here #i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral #texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet! #here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress! #you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better' #i Immediately started doing Worse! #i think i stressed myself out too much #pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3 #ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block #mentally i am banging my head into a wall #but its fine Its Fine #i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail #which is something i should be used to by now! #okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so #i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh #well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um. #i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive #not gonna tag this with anything actually. #love treating tumblr like my personal diary #ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me. #perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day #buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that! #with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!! #gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent #i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain #ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts #just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3 #look away look away

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

#makoto naegi #Danganronpa character analysis #Danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa future arc #I fucking love Makoto Naegi man. #I think there’s a fine line of nuance to Makoto that’s easy to miss bc he doesn’t really make it known #he’s not a pushover and he’s not overpowered. he’s a people pleaser but he will say what needs to be said #he’s an immovable object and the exact opposite of Junko but he’s also just a normal guy who’s optimistic and (un)lucky #he isn’t invincible but he has immense power to his words the same way Junko did #if anything his superpower is being kind above all else. he’s compassionate to some of the worst people in the world. #he was even conpassionatr to an extent to Junko. he didnt want her to kill herself despite everything she’s done #and he still acknowledges that for years she was a classmate and friend. #I do think the more he learned abt what she did the more he’s come to actually hate her though #post the first game he always refers to her without a suffix to her name which is one of the most subtle rude things you can do #it means you have zero respect for the person you’re referring to #and he speaks about her with some venom he doesn’t use for anyone else in the future arc #he’s not incapable of feeling negative emotions #I really liked the future arc scene bc it showed that Makoto DID experience enough despair to have overcome him if he didn’t refuse #and that it still affects him deeply. people treat him like he’s either this perfect ideal Chad or this baby chick who’s so delicate #and no one really focuses on how makoto shoulders so much and yet is still vulnerable. #honestly that guy was DUE for a mental breakdown even without the tape. it would have happened eventually #I actually wrote one based on him finally hitting a breaking point after giving so much of himself away and keeping nothing for himself #that his issues that he shoves down constantly finally can’t be held down anymore. Hajime helps him bc he knows how that feels #it was a LONG time ago that I wrote that but honestly if I can remember where i was going w it I might finish it #it was initially an rp but I could make it a fic #anyway. the point is Makoto is SO much more complex than people give him credit for #the most fundamental thing about him is that he’s normal and that’s ok! that’s what helps him rise!

[cakemoney]

brennan: so you're in the last standard exam in an alien realm and in the stands you see a bunch of arthur agueforts, they're cheering for you, they're talking to each other, they've got your names written on their chests

editors: zooms in on the two arthur agueforts who are making out because they know how we are

#laughs awkwardly #dimension 20 #fantasy high spoilers #don't mind me i'm talking all the way down here. just pondering the concept of like #i know this is the format of the show and that's how the show works etc etc #but there's also a tragic quality to the fact that. these battle sets were made way beforehand. which means that #the bad kids were always destined to take the last standard exam. they were always going to fail in some way #no matter how hard they worked no matter how much stress they took on no matter how much they've grown #something something bobby dawn's really unlocked the extreme teenage rage in me. the idea of #'problem children' who are set up to fail by the system and then teachers act like their failure 'proves' that they were always bad #you know what i mean? plot device comedy et cetera but i do get really really sad about kids who struggle in school when they don't have to #the support could have been there and would have cost nothing but a bit of time effort empathy but adults withhold it. just to make a point

[moeblob]

Windy at my house + power flickering = no comm work = quick laptop doodle

#my characters #i genuinely hoped the wind would die down but like ??? nah? #and the last time we lost power without an actual storm it WAS bc of wind #and so i just get so panicked over please dont fry my tablet with a power surge #if it calms down by tonight i really wanna work on art since i spent almost all day yesterday struggling with a pose and i finally #think i thought of something that could work and then (gestures to the wind) fuck me #also in regards to these two you have seen me drawing deacon a lot recently and i only drew armya once so far #she is a devoted follower to fulj which is really rare since fulj no longer has a large following nor a temple #so when fulj finds her its comforting and reassuring and she adores armya a lot #however the fact that fulj relentlessly teases deacon and calls him names is like..... ok wait would you really be mean to me if it wasnt #for her ? like would you still pick on me? :c and shes like lol yeah dude absolutely #deacon is just constantly dunked on by the lightning group and hes so sad because he wanted to be friends :c #but also the guy wouldnt really recognize the followers if it wasnt for the traces of lady fulj #so if they would wander into the city without having been possessed recently he probably wouldnt even cast a glance their way #nothing personal he just straight up doesnt decipher looks fast at all #he could think they look familiar but then not know why ESPECIALLY if they wear something he's not used to them in #like if armya showed up in something other than her loose white jacket he would not be able to go AH YES ARMYA immediately #he identifies people by hair or clothing details so it kinda messes him up if people remove whatever identifying trait they have #long hair getting a hair cut? suddenly a whole new person #and armya knows this very well since he never looked her way unless fulj was possessing her or trailing her #so she does like to tease him as just. we are both in servitude to a deity and same rank but like. bro youre too easy to mock #(fulj agrees)

[nostalgia-tblr]

Right I'm not saying Odin's not had a terrible amount of colonialism and war going on over his however-long-it's-been reign but when Thor wants to lay waste to Jotunheim and Odin tells him off for this it's not just hypocrisy at work, because the Odin of the timeframe of that movie seems sure that this would be Wrong not just politically bothersome and yet he also doesn't really explain to Thor why things are different now and putting that together what you have is this: Odin can't explain his own apparent change of heart without revealing that "oh yeah your brother's a Jotun," even though he must be fairly sure that this information would stop Thor's xenophobic bloodlust in its tracks as effectively as it did his own.

#thor (2011) #mcu tag i guess #he's had plenty of time to think of a handy excuse that doesn't give anything away but in that reality things are less dramatic generally #like in the reality where when Odin fainted Frigga (remember her?) explained their thought process and expressed their love etc #and you know what now i wonder *when* sylvie got told she was adopted cos it *could* be not long before she wandered off-path #i think we've all assumed she just always knew? but if not the TVA come cos she's still playing valkyrie-saves-ppl AFTER she knows the trut #which would mean SHE did nothing 'wrong' - the point of divergence was her parents failing to traumatise her sufficiently and spark off #a spiral into villainy for her. which then also means they DID fuck up her life by not fucking her up enough. oh the irony :(

[completeoveranalysis]

[3]

COMPLETELY RUDE OF THEM TO DO THIS

TO HAVE LAVA LAMP TALKING TO HIS FATHER ON SCREEN, FULLY VISIBLE, BUT TO FRAME THE PANELS DELIBERATELY SO WE CAN’T SEE WHICH SYAORAN HIS FATHER IS? 

TO TEASE US LIKE THIS??

Horrible. Just so mean.

Or… OR IS THIS A KIND OF A BACKWARDS CONFIRMATION?

CLAMP have been selling the idea that Lava Lamp’s father is Li Syaoran from Cardcaptor Sakura for a few chapters now. They’ve dropped numerous links and connections and WANT us to think that.

BUT THEN, IF IT WAS ACTUALLY TRUE, THEY WOULD JUST SHOW HIS FACE, RIGHT?

They’ve already DROPPED this information. We already THINK it's Li Syaoran. So there would be no need to hide his face any further. 

UNLESS IT WASN’T TRUE. 

UNLESS THIS IS NOT LI SYAORAN.

UNLESS THEY’RE CONTINUING TO HIDE THE IDENTITY SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE IT WOULD GIVE AWAY THE FACT THAT THIS ISN’T LI SYAORAN. 

And am I jumping to conclusions? Yes! Yes always! Welcome to the Jumping To Conclusions Blog at Tumblr Dot Com. But you’d think that even if this was just another version of Syaoran, he’d look relatively identical to what we’d assume to be Li Syaoran. They could just show his face and we’d still assume we knew who he was, even if it was wrong. 

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GET AWAY WITH SHOWING?

MIS-MATCHED EYES. 

THERE WE GO. CRACK THEORY TIME. This is the only reason I can currently guess for why they’d still be hiding Lava Lamp’s father’s face. 

It is adorable and extremely appropriate that Lava Lamp has the same style of shirt as his Mysterious father, especially when they’re completely side by side at the bottom of the page. How they’re so so very similar in name and face and identity and personality and fate, but even in just the shirt you can see ever so slight visible differences differences that are not eyes and are in fact shirt specific decorations.

ALSO, very fun choice that they’re talking about Sakura here while also being surrounded by cherry blossoms. It’s very Dream World coded, even though we see the supports of buildings in the background, so it’s probably not actually a dream. I...

No wait I was about to say we don't ever see buildings in the dream world, but that's not true. Watanuki sees them all the time. Hmm.

WELL, putting that aside also, this is possibly just a nice detail about where they live, and possibly a nice thematic link to the fact that they’re currently talking ABOUT Sakura’s dream visions. 

I’m also desperately trying to recall if the transition into a flashback (the black borders around the page) is usually accompanied by those swirls of white in the edges? Is that a new detail or am I just looking too closely? 

It’s the eternal mystery. 

#I mean I am VERY MUCH looking too closely #I suppose that is the entire point #But anyway please enjoy some absolute nonsense #Just some complete bonkers thoughts based on nothing but hints #I’m sure there could be ANOTHER reason why they’d hide the face #For the drama maybe? #That'd be enough on it's own #... BUT IS IT? #Liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #Vol 192 #Tsubasa #Lava Lamp Guy #And... A Syaoran #WHICH SYAORAN? #A SYAORAN #Hey you know who else’s parents we don’t get to see the faces for? #Watanuki! #Wow how interesting I wonder if there’s a connection between him and Lava Lamp #ANYWAY

[synthshenanigans]

Small pattern I noticed with the power hours is that it starts off semi normal before getting emotional in the middle [either sad or angry]. But mainly they all end with a "well it be like that sometimes" vibe

Not Perfect- "It's not perfect, but it's mine"

Chonny's Inferno- "The bright, white islands high would get the boring ones excited, but trust me, man, you wouldn't like it"

Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world- "So if you only have one chance, you ought to try your best to live as you'd like. One day, you're going to die."

Idk if its intentional but I find it neat

#chonny jash #KJ is ranting at like 4am again #moss post #idk what that means for the final one #tmph is basically saying it already but “im not perfect but im mine” #thdph being “i maybe be dead & in hell but its not all to bad actually. it could be worse” #wwph with “we'll all die one day with maybe nothing after so like. live life as you can” #all being some variation of #“life's not gr8 but its not always bad either/life be that way sometimes so you just gotta work with what you got” #which now that i think about it a lot of his songs are kinda like that #it is 5 am i do not know what im saying but like you know what i mean

[chirpsythismorning]

Wait a damn minute…

They’ve got Finn (Mike) listed first before everyone else in the cast on the Tudum site aka the most official, up to date site for the show besides Netflix.com?…

This got me thinking… I wonder if they—

!! MIKE MAIN CHARACTER ERA IS MAKING A COMEBACK IN THE FINAL SEASON OF STRANGER THINGS !! MARK YOUR CALENDARS 2024 !!

#stranger things #mike wheeler #byler #I don’t think they intentionally did this in terms of it being a literal smalltown boy reference #however if the duffers were to broadly explain the synopsis of the show…would they use the word smalltown?… #my main shock is Finn (mike) being listed first… #not only before Millie who follows right behind him #but also the older cast whose getting pushed to the end #which is a result of them choosing to put mike first out of all of them #you know what that means? #we’re going full circle #we’re going back to s1-2 roots #there’s literally nothing else they could mean by saying that #and it’s because the main difference between s1-2 and s3-4 is Mike used to arguably be the protagonist #and so… yeah that’s clearly what they’re referring to in terms of vibe #we’ll still get other povs and focuses just like we did back then #and there will be scenes with Will being the focus and el being in the focus for their arcs storylines #but Mike arguably is going to have to circle back and return to us as his own character as well #the ga is gonna realize they missed him dearly I can’t wait

[blinkpen]

having long ago made the executive decision to sublimate MUCH more of my rage over all the ways my body identity and personhood have been violated over the course of my life on levels both mental physical domestic and systemic into my writing by the way

#this does not mean we will be Seeing things on screen we don't need to #just that i am going to crank the dial and how much harrowingly visceral information can be conveyed -without- actually doing that #good horror will make a frame with seemingly nothing going on the scariest shit ever bc you Know. you cant see. but you Know. #the tragedy of 'my schizophrenia did not disable me but the PTSD from how i've been treated and taken advantage of bc of it DID' #'and SO MUCH of the WORST trauma was inflicted in the name of Fixing me (be it the mental illness or my gayness or my being a girl wrong) #and a lot of other things really but this is at the forfront of my mind as i finally finish recovering from a lot of repressed shit finally #boiling over to dangerously lethal levels last year and my entire brain just Imploded lmao #i dont know when i'll be able to really forgive my family for refusing to vaccinate or distance and transmitting covid to me twice #resulting in seizures and brain damage the second time #which basically hit a reset button on how well i could manage my pre-existing schizophrenic symptoms and damaged my cognition #i've had to mourn losing a big chunk of my own mind's ability to function focus or even remain anchored in reality because of that #oh yeah the transphobia my family still refuses to work on that and it also contributed heavily to the system shattering so bad #i finally realized that it even existed #some of the alters now have mutually exclusive genders and orientations presumably as weird coping mechanism

[dnangelic]

the hollow nonviolence but nevertheless heavily palpable longing and empty vastness of daisuke's heart. post

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT. #full sincerity i do not mean this in an edgy oooh my cute moeblob's darkness(tm) his hidden evil side way #because this is dark's loneliness too. this is dark's wanting TOO #but dark's is daisuke's is dark's is daisuke's and they're both #the epitome of leroux's erik's description + christine's waved away loneliness too #a heart that could hold the entire empire of the world but has to content itself with a cellar #a child who's never taken seriously or properly respected despite his stubborn independent streak #or even the canon quote itself- it's enormous but empty. completely vacant. dark. there's nothing but a black pillar (themselves) #and 'nothing to satisfy someone-' i knoooow dai looks the way he does but oh my gooooodh -drags my hands down my face- #he's restless he's restless it's not blood guts violence edgy that his emptiness brings him #it's the heart of a thief someone who STEALS which is also why i abstain from too much hunger metaphor #because they DON'T want to devour they don't want to chew and swallow they want to KEEP!!! #they want to shelter and house and have something anything someone anyone they want to take care of it #BUT THE CURSE!!!! #what they do eat of is their own sin and fall; the apple. the fairy tale candy. the fairy table feast. the pomegranate #and once daisuke starts there's NOTHING left for him except to become the devil even if he's the innocent cherub!! #HE CAN'T RESIST THOSE TEMPTATIONS he can't resist the demands of his desires compassionate or not!!! #anyways i got sidetracked but i just think muses who ever see daisuke's heart #is it gentle? yes. is it warm? no. but it's a chill that makes a shared fireplace or someone's touch and blood warmer #it's lonely it's heavy it's grandiose and noble there are rooms waiting for you to walk in and spread light #candlelight starlight azumano's mock-gaslit lanterns!!! #everybody looks up 2 a rebel but nobody knows how isolating it is not just for dark as sb who decided to betray #and was therefore cast out alone left to bear enormous immense burdens all by himself ostracized and wounded #but for daisuke too caught in the shadow of dark's wings #u kno? ok. thats all