#who in particular I am thinking about?

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[findafight]

Robin chose Steve. Robin made the conscious and deliberate decision that she could and would trust Steve. She already liked him! She had fun working and bantering with him! They were already on their way to being weird little bffs and the torture just expedited the process. Steve chose Robin just the same! He thinks she's fun and cool and likes her so much! He chose to be honest and open with her too, putting himself out there.

Even though their interests on the surface level don't match why wouldn't they share them? Steve clearly caves when Robin wants to watch a movie he doesn't think he'll like, Robin can watch a March madness game or five.

Stop trying to take away their bond oh my god people can be close to more than one person!!! Their best friend doesn't have to be dismissive or mean or whatever in order for a romance to be special to them!

#if i have to see another fic or whatever that makes it seem like robin doesnt give a shit about what steve likes and talkes about im going #to scream and maybe even rampage #its nice to sit down and have someone who knows explain who the players are and what the stakes for this particular game!! #just because yall seem to not think anyone can be nutral towards sports doesnt mean people aren't #literally why is it so hard to believe robin would like to hear steve talk as much as steve likes to hear her talk #i am so close to telling some steddie shippers to not look at steve or robin or their friendship because some of yall do Not get it. #its like you can see them go 'have to make sure eddie is the most perfect specialest boy for steve...well that means robin doesn't Get Him ' #or 'robin ignores him/dismisses his interests/isnt told everything happening in his life' like okay dont ever touch them again thanks #robin is steves specialest sunshine cupcake goober girl. steve is robins bestest happy times sweet funnyman. dont u dare take that away. #omce again tsgs longer than the post but ah well. #stobin #platonic stobin #robin buckley #steve harrington #stranger things #finda's rambles #steve and robin #this is a scheduled post just to jazz things up i guess #but seriously some of yall need to STOP MESSIGN WITH STOBIN

[turtleblogatlast]

Don’t think I ever quite said what my LGBTQ+ headcanons are for the boys, so these are my current thoughts! Always changing of course but this is what I feel most strongly right now.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #rise donnie #rise leo #rise mikey #rise raph #donnie and leo’s sexualities being practically swapped was unintentional but it works way too well #same with mikey and raph tbh it was a happy accident #anyway I kinda hc raph as the type who doesn’t care about physical appearance just if you fight lol #Mikey’s more than happy with friends and family #Donnie is a BIG romantic but he needs time to sus a person out fully before he gets the hots for them #leo meanwhile isn’t keen on romance unless it’s with someone he grows to really really REALLY trust #I could go on and probably will later (knowing me) but it is late and I am tired haha #turtle art tag #curious as to what everyone else headcanons #the only one of these I’ll defend forever is Bi (female-leaning) donnie and trans leo #all the others can change over time but I really like where they’re sitting right now #I hope these are the right flags too because it was kinda hard to find them #went looking for transmasc flag in particular but I couldn’t find a solid agreed upon version 😭 #ngl a big part of why I hc mikey as aro is because of a pun #my phone often misspells aromantic as aromatic and- and you get it- because aromatic herbs and- and Mikey is a chef do YOU GET IT #note that while I hc leo as bisexual (male-leaning) I still think he’s prob closer to demi in that as well just not as far into the spectrum #if that makes sense #headcanons are fun and hard to narrow down at the same time alas #I made this in like an hour can you tell djjdjd #I drew them all from memory so if there’s anything wrong…shhh #and if you’re wondering for April and Splinter #Both are Bisexual (female-leaning) but April is also Panromantic #I almost wanna make Splinter demiromantic too so Big Mama’s betrayal hits just a bit harder

[thatdude-noah]

i think people need to enjoy bad shows more. it's okay to enjoy a show that is not amazing. you can like a show that has bad cgi, a script that isn't great, whatever. you can enjoy media that isn't perfect and isn't thought provoking. if it makes you happy, enjoy it.

#i am saying this to myself about one show in particular that i like but that i. feel really guilty for liking #i won't name names because i don't want to be mean to people who think the show is good #the show is good in the way that it is entertaining and fun! #but not good in most other ways

[queenlucythevaliant]

In Narnia's metaphor, Edmund isn't Judas Iscariot. He's us.

Edmund's betrayal isn't eating the Turkish Delight or even liking the Witch. That, and the effects of the Turkish Delight that follow, are his temptation.

His actual betrayal comes when he's seen evidence of the Witch's evil (at Tumnus's house) and heard all about the Witch's tyranny and the goodness of Aslan (from the Beavers) and he still chooses to go over to the Witch alone.

Of course the deck is stacked against Edmund! Of course he's being deceived and manipulated! Of course he's just a child! That's how sin works!!! Haven't you read Screwtape???

Edmund's sin is easy for us to excuse, but it is still inexcusable. That's the whole point. It is petty and small and childish and still wrong. Just like so much of our sin.

#i know I'm preaching to the choir here #every day i am plagued by bad takes #starting to think that Screwtape should just be required reading for people who want to sound off about sin in narnia #Edmund and Susan in particular #narnia #the traitor who mended

[skitskatdacat63]

"The Boy With The Thorn in His Side"(x) - The Smiths × 2023 Strollonso moments + pundits' reactions

#baby's first web weave please be kind #frankly i could make a giant masterpost on my opinions on which Smiths songs fit which drivers/ships #i like their music a very healthy amount and I don't spend countless hours daydreaming to it...no.... #but this particular song has been haunting me bcs i think it fits them super well!! #with their relationship dynamics and then the way everyone doubts their relationship #though its been hilarious watching the f1tv commentators kind of resign themselves to 'ah well ig this is what AMR/Fernando is like now' #went from being confused and shocked at their on track comradery to just accepting it for what it is #now theyre like 'ah yes lance dutifully lets fernando pass' compared to the previous ouright disbelief and denial #yeah thats right...theyre in love...what are you gonna do about it... #i think one day itd be fun to make a vid comp of all the times the commentators were ?????? at strollonso's lovey doveyness it is fun TO ME #it was really funny to look through shitty articles for negative comments #but the funniest part is that istg all of the articles just quote this one singular man who is hellbent on being a hater #i am in your walls peter windsor. #i think its silly when they bring in 'f1 experts' for their opinions ona drivers motivations and mindset #they act like such armchair psychologists like bruh your degree is probably engineering or journalism calm down!! #hehehe anyways happy with this!! i wrote it out on paper like a whole ass essay draft to brainstorm what to put #and then i scrolled thru the draft while listening to the song and im just EEEEEEE IT FITSSSSSSS #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #we do a little bit of f1 #lance stroll #fernando alonso #fa14 #ls18 #1418 #1814 #strollonso #alonstroll #normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion

[thenobleprincex]

sometimes i just start thinking about the twelfth doctor and i just.... *screams*

#i do what i do because its right #do you think i care about you so little that betraying me would make a difference #and when i close my eyes!!! #clara am i a good man #i just... like i can't even say i have a favorite doctor and i find those kinds of conversations very silly #but 12th does drive me insane in very particular ways #and they all have great speeches that i love deeply but his wake something absolutely feral in me #and i was also a 12th/clara girlie so there's also that lol #but i love him and his fierceness so very very much #12th doctor #twelfth doctor #doctor who #mine

[thefirstanomally]

Professors are so funny. "How has this book I made you read changed you fundamentally as a person?"

Lol. My dude. I will write this report and then never think of it again.

#I was already a kind person who cared about the environment #I didn't need some guys published diary to make me so #Which is not to say that I do not enjoy reading #Nor that I think no book could have an impact on me #Or even that this particular book couldn't have an impact on others #But like... #The book report prompt is how did it change me as a person #And in all honesty I am the same person as I was #Very Tired #T1A Speaks

[rickybaby]

F1 Nation Podcast: Christian Horner on Ricciardo's Return

The ball started rolling in a hotel room in Mexico, last year. I had an appointment with Daniel, where it became clear that his options for 2023 were limited. He looked broken." "So I said, 'Why don't you come back to Red Bull for a year?' So that he could help us with simulator work, and tire tests, in order to regain his passion. It was clear that he didn't enjoy it anymore. To be honest, in recent years I haven't seen the Ricciardo who was once at Red Bull. That's how it started."

The Mexican GP was exactly a week after COTA, which was also a week after this interview:

"When you think it can't get worst, it does. I don't know how I'm continuing to continue, because painful is an understatement"

#i haven't been well since someone pointed this out on twitter #first of all fuck mclaren z*k br*wn will never see another win in his career and may they never repay the debt they have on the mtc #i think it was at this particular moment it became clear how exhausted he was and to think he was going mad thinking he'd lost it #and then meeting christian the week after and starting to realise he could go back to redbull #where simon is #where people who know him are #where he could maybe find himself again #thinking about likely larks' scholarship on daniel as judas and christian as jesus - #i would have never believed that you could have left me #i never left you i do love you please take my hands #I AM K-WORDING MYSELF #daniel ricciardo

[chiropteracupola]

Said hello and goodbye / Do you feel alright with the days gone by / I'll never waste my time, I'll never say goodbye...

#em draws stuff #em is posting about the wizard of oz in this the year 2023 #<- organizational tag in lieu of a more findable one since I do not wish to discover an internet soup of some sort at this time #this is due to sanguinity's tags on that 'kissing someone up against a wall but the wall is jeff' post #'and now I can finally check these three off a to-draw list they've been on for years' says guy who now wants to draw them Again #designs here are mostly based on the john r neill illustrations with a few of my own twists but I'd like to try out my own take on them too #I drew this mostly in one probably eight-hour sitting and for several reasons maybe I should not have done that #but I am too proud and pleased to have any regrets on that particular front #now I think maybe I shall fall over. but alas I have got tasks. no falling over for the emmothy today :| #caption lyrics are from 'might quit' by bill wurtz since it felt right for some inexplicable reason

[moregraceful]

i made what was a huge medical decision today that has been received very badly by my family and i feel absolutely nothing but pure freedom and joy about it. the thing i'm really fixated on rn is when should i post this fic i just finished

#i think october 1. for halloween #it was for skelly season but it took such a weird turn in the end that i feel weird about gifting it to someone lol #very short list of people i would subject this particular rarepair agenda to on purpose. maybe just beryl #the medical decision is legitimately life-altering and i should be stressed but i'm just like it's my body. my body horror. and i'm free :) #i'm stressin way more about the fic bro #and like if i don't gift the fic do i then go back and commit to making it even weirder and rarepaired.... #stars future leadership polycule (two guys who are dating and their captain who holds their hand in high stress situations) #what am i even talking about..................... #today my boss was like thank you for your (insane 11 paragraph long) email! i used it as a meeting agenda with my boss :) #i was like oh no now my grandboss knows i use my boss's inbox as my work livejournal #i got to remake my schedule tho now that i'm almost done with my training!! i gave myself a three day weekend... #...so i can go to the therapy i need to deal with this job. was anyone gonna tell me abt secondary trauma or was i #just supposed to find that out on my literal first day of work lol #my therapist was THRILLED she was like oh i have SO many books to recommend we're gonna have SO much fun!! i was like oh no #fridays off and life is good tbh!! except for the fic. i don't know what to do abt the fic #fresno oilers.txt

[carpisuns]

cant stop thinking about how elation might have played out if:

a) marinette did not repeatedly refer to herself as a "fan" but rather a friend, since they have been through a lot together and have hung out and gone to the movies. and she has also yelled at him angrily multiple times, unlike any other starstruck fan he's ever met

b) andré ran a normal business and just like. served the customers who approach his cart lol

#i think adrien would still feel guilty that she doesn't know who he is #especially since she knows him in another context #but he wouldn't have known that she 'fell out of love' w adrien #and also he probably wouldn't feel as much like he's taking advantage of a fan #if he knew they both saw each other as friends #like. what would happen!!! #maybe they wouldnt even have kissed #if marinette wasnt like IM A SUPER FAN KISSY KISSY MEOW MEOW askljdf #but they would flirt and hang out and say 'i really like you. let's do this again soon.' maybe?? #i am plagued by the what ifs #i know the point of the ep was to show how it wouldn't work bc the mask will always come between them no matter what #and also their desperation and the way they threw themselves together in this particular situation felt IC and made sense #and also we dont have time for a marichat slowburn plot #BUT STILL #im sorry i cant help but Think About It #waaaaaaaaa #ml spoilers #ml elation #ml exaltation #marichat #mine

[moonchild-in-blue]

Thank you for the tag @tonguetyd! My spoons are indeed low but my sleep schedule is GONE so. Random burst of energy let's go.

I didn't know what artist to pick because I didn't want an obvious (?) one, so I'm going super niche and choosing Bright Eyes because it's been a minute since I've talked about them, and they're one of my favourites 💙

Artist: Bright Eyes

How do you feel: Nothing Gets Crossed Out

What is your gender: Bowl Of Oranges (obviously funny but also it's a beautiful song! poetic storytelling!)

If you could go anywhere: Lua

Favorite mode of transportation: Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night (yes that is the title)

Your best friend: First Day Of My Life 🥹

Favorite time of day: Sunrise, Sunset

If your life was a tv show: A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not

Relationship status: I Won't Ever Be Happy Again 🥲

Your fear: Waste Of Paint

Idk who made this or not so I'm tagging randomly, no pressure to do this whatsoever! @dearscone @corviisquire @hookedhobbies @politemagic (hi!) @leonsleftbicep @melit0n

#okay i made myself sad again #so little story time! #(okay i talked briefly about past suicide/sh struggles so be warned!) #First Day Of My Life is their most famous song AND is probably my mostest favourite love song in the entire world #like. this particular song means so much to me #there is this line that goes “this is the first day of my life. i'm glad i didn't die before i met you” #and it breaks my heart into a million pieces because that is just. so true. so pure #because for someone who was very suicidal and struggled with sh *just before* i met my best friend(s) #it's a lot. like. that could've been me. and yet i'm here. and i need to hold on more because there's still so many people to meet #and so many things to see and experience. i AM glad i didn't die before i met any of you #it's crazy to think how many things i would've missed if every single time i thought about about ending it i had actually done it #whack #also! nothing gets crossed out is incredibly depressing and poignant! if anyone is in the mood for that! #(most if not all of these are. once again i am incapable of choosing happy songs lmao) #tw suicide mention #tw sh mention #<- is this enough? let me know if i should use other tags!!!! #tag game #darya's mixtape #bright eyes

[existencebringsonlypain]

I go by she/her because that's what I'm used to, but gender isn't really something that important or meaningful to me personally. I use they/them when referring to myself, but I have no problem with others using any other pronouns (though I'm not used to neopronouns, so perhaps not those).

this could probably be referred to as agender.

which means...

I am a 𝗤𝗨𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗨𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗔 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗬

#aromantic asexual agender my name starts with A and so does my birth month #that was the whole joke but this turned out to be more introsepctive on my gender than anything #this has been my conclusion for a while. but i still call myself cis because i'm not trans‚ not really #i'm not enby. i may be agender(?) but despite that lack of gender-ment i still present and am fine with presenting as female #there's no dysphoria or euphoria #i'm firmly of the stance that the reason lots of people are transphobic is because they're on the agender spectrum #and as such gener doesn't really matter to them. and so when people make a big deal out of it it feels weird #also: bigotry #so #i suppose this counts as a coming out post #i still prefer she/her since it's easier to tell if people are referring to me in particular‚ but feel free to use they or he for me #he/him feels a tad weird but mostly because it's mostly assuming strangers on the youtube who will use that for me #but you can do whatever #existenceunrelateds #coming out post #??? #you already knew i was queer‚ it's not too shocking. and i'm still going with cis‚ don't think i'll stop doing that anytime soon #why am i being so introspective‚ this is a joke about calling me an AAAAA battery #𝗤𝗨𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗢𝗨𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗔 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗬

[birdmenmanga]

@raventhekittycat

hi okay so I've been mulling this one over for the past day or two and I think I have the answer. not to be using hamburger to explain anything to an american but you're my detco mutual so I'm going to try and explain it in detco terms

There's a post going around recently about how if you've read detco and only detco, the first time hakuba shows up you're going to be totally flummoxed, because damn this guy is clearly important, he gets to be even cooler than Shinichi, he's got a half-page shot of him (in such a panel-dense series such as Detective Conan, no less!!) and he's got a fucking hawk. he's CLEARLY important. everything about the narrative is indicating that you need to PAY ATTENTION to hakuba and that he's the coolest guy and he's important!!!! and then he dies in the case lol (not for real. but still.)!! and you're like huh??? what was that. why did aoyama do that.

But with the context of magic kaito this totally makes sense. He's a beloved character that people have been waiting decades to see again. Of course Aoyama is going to hype him up!! It's his big moment after years of being locked in the backrooms!!!

Anyways reading birdmen for me was kind of like that. The author's previous series, Kekkaishi, was pretty one-dimensional at the beginning, and even after the main plot started picking up at around volume 6, it still felt quite understandable. I knew what she was trying to get at, and the spectacular job she did with the anthropocene and climate change metaphor towards the end of that series really made me interested in the rest of her works. That and the way she writes familial relationships is absolutely DEVASTATING. (I mean this with the highest of praise)

But when I read BIRDMEN for the first time, I was probably in... middle school, maybe? And I read it, sure, but I didn't get it. I could see what was literally happening on the page but the narrative choices were absolutely baffling at times. Why skip over the entire part of the plot where they figure out who the birdman that saved them was? She blatantly doesn't care about that. What does she care about then?? I knew I didn't get it, I knew there were parts of it that were important and I couldn't figure out why and THAT'S how it dug its pretty little claws into me. Even after I finished catching up it nagged at me a little bit, not often at all, but enough that every once in a while I go, huh, right, that was a thing, let me go read it again.

For the record this type of story haunting has happened to me twice. First time was the Heart of Thomas, second time was BIRDMEN. I think the thing is that these are both stories which are not what other people say they are and I think I came into both of these stories with a misconception, trying to look too hard for things that weren't important and therefore missing the things that were.

Because sure, BIRDMEN is about mental illness. Yeah, it's about an evil scientific organization growing mutants in a lab. Yeah, it's about what it means to leave your humanity behind. That's all technically correct, on a surface level, and the fandom at large likely agrees with these takes for the most part, but in my opinion none of that really delves into what the thematic messaging of the story is about.

There are cryptic conversations about authority and human extinction and peculiar outfit and ability choices. You can tell these choices weren't made to serve the purpose of "writing exciting shonen manga" because that was what she did for the most part in Kekkaishi and you can tell she wasn't putting her whole pussy into doing that here. So what was she doing? What's like. All of this. Waves my hands at this.

The short answer is that it's really about the interplay between capitalism (represented by humanity) and communism (represented by birdmen), and explores the role institutional white supremacy (EDEN) plays in enforcing capitalism. It is ALSO about queer liberation and the importance of community, but hey, that double-stacks conveniently with the communism metaphor.

But also take this opinion of mine with a grain of salt. As far as I know I'm the only one who really truly deeply believes that it is not only AN interpretation of the work, but one that was fully intended by the author.

So basically, I like it, because I think it says something true and beautiful that I also believe in, even if I didn't have the words for it the first time I read it. But I don't really think that's what people really look for in a media recommendation.

Do I like it? Yes, I love it. Will I recommend it to others? Yeah, sure. But do I think it's deeply flawed? Yeah, absolutely. It's flawed in the same ways as The Witch from Mercury— a rushed ending, too many threads that were opened and never tied together. The pacing and characterization is perfect in the beginning, and too rushed at the end. There are prerequisites you basically HAVE to read in order to understand the story (tempest for G-Witch and the communist manifesto for birdmen). I think a truly good story wouldn't have any of these things so if people don't like it I never blame them.

It's my personal experiences that make birdmen so profound to me. If you are not queer I just don't think Eishi coming out as a birdman to his mom will hit the same, just as an example. Sorry that I wasn't the kid you wanted me to be. I know you love me and you just want the best for me and that's why you're so controlling, because you think I can be saved by conforming to societal expectations. But I can't live like that. I can't be like that. And that's why I must go. etc.

Aesthetically I do love birdmen a lot. If I had to describe it in a few words it would probably be "chilling", "beautiful", and "powerful", which nicely coincides with the type of things I personally like to draw. It's also silly to a small degree but it's so serious and I know Tanabe can be way way way funnier (read kekkaishi for this. kekkaishi and hanazakari no kimitachi he were foundational to my sense of sequential art humor) so that's not really the standout trait of this series.

I can't let it go because I'm chewing this series like a bone. And it's taking me years but I am getting that sweet sweet marrow. By god. We are on year 3 of this shit and I am GOING to understand this series. and I'm going to make 3 video essays about it

#just thinking thoughts... #stray bird thoughts #so it's like... I don't like it because birdmen is good #I think I like it because I am a certain type of person and the author was trying to say something specifically to the type of person I am #OH #I'M THE TARGETED AUDIENCE THATS WHY I LIKE IT. #YEAH THATS REALLY IT!!! #A long time ago I said that birdmen wasn't written for the people who read it at the time it serialized. #it was written for the people they would become. #and I stand by that 100% #if it really stays with you there is going to be a reason even if you can't articulate it yet #and it may APPEAR sloppy to someone who doesn't see the queer or communist metaphor #like 'what is she doing what is she saying here she's not saying anything meaningful and emphasizing the wrong things' #but that sort of presumes she is gunning to make 'the best shonen manga ever' #which she clearly isn't. #I remember when I was reading fma with a bunch of my classmates and I'd lend them a volume or two every day #and a piece of feedback I received that has stuck with me was 'volume 15 was so boring' #(that was the volume recounting the ishval civil war. it was boring because we were middle schoolers and didn't REALLY get it.) #and like. I think to people who are looking for something like kks. the whole thing is going to feel like fma volume 15 #like WHAT is she going on about? ? ? #like witch hat and dunmesh I think are similar types of stories but I think these two are just executed way better than bm #but because of that it is just not as compelling to me you know. #like yeah yeah it's well constructed. we all see it's well constructed. #the metaphor is so well constructed that I don't feel the need to point it out. everyone is saying it already you know #but bm is cryptic enough and just slightly missed that execution enough that I feel like I'm pulling the analysis out of a smoking wreckage #recently I've been watching mentourpilot videos about airplane accidents and like. that's exactly it. #there's nothing to say about a perfectly executed flight. #it's the ones that failed. and in particular the ones that just barely failed by a little bit. that compels people the most. #cue my de communism is failure post. bc that bm sure did fail.

[brittlebutch]

forgive any incomprehensibility but the notion that the world can be cleanly split between the two immutable categories of 'the neurotypical' and 'the neurodiverse' ignores the reality that any person can at any point for any reason be arbitrarily 'diagnosed' by a 'professional' and shuttled between categories with no regard for the notions of 'accurate traits' or 'specific symptoms'. nice dichotomy what lies outside of it? you understand me?

#N posts stuff #i'm reading some old issues of 'Phoenix Rising' and a line in one of the articles really caught me #''we are questioning the very foundation of psychiatry which uses mental illness; which is often just behavior that is judged strange #by some usually conventional middle-class-standard of morality'' #also thinking about that post i reblogged yesterday claiming that 'posture sway' is a Symptom of adhd like. #Embracing the pathologizing of average behaviors VS the like. weaponizing of diagnoses against 'undesirables' #idk am i making sense? lol #like people talk about this re: disability - the notion that anyone can become disabled at any time but that's usually in the context #of like. 'anyone is one bad accident away from being disabled' but Neurodiversity in particular does not even require that much #another Phoenix Rising tells the story of a woman who like. got a little sick at work and diagnosed as 'stress' and prescribed a #heavy tranquilizer that caused side effects no one had told her about; she got confused at her appointment and her subsequent #panic got her involuntarily committed as psychotic where they upped the medications and gave her ECT until the combo #caused so much brain damage that she seized and died. bc she threw up at work one day. the categories are not immutable and #the people who define them have agendas. who benefits from buying into this dichotomy? you understand what i'm saying? #anti psychiatry