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#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition

obstinaterixatrix · 1 day

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I recently got my first office job where I am interacting with my coworkers regularly. do you have any evil conversation skills that you think i should learn first

1. Figure out the easiest/most comfortable ways to say the whole spectrum of soft no’s to hard no’s from a scale of ‘genuine regret (invites future attempts if scheduling allows)’ to ‘polite deferral (respectful and evasive, somewhat firm)’ to ‘stone-cold shut down (professional Fuck You)’; you gotta know them all and you gotta be able to deploy them as needed. or at the very least, you gotta know how to give yourself time so you don’t automatically say ‘yes’ when you don’t want to.

2. The easiest way to make a good impression on people is to balance being useful and making others feel useful, which means offering some of the specific knowledge/insight you have and also asking for/acknowledging the knowledge/insight of others. offering/asking can be a weird balance, sometimes for some people in some contexts it comes pretty naturally, other times I find myself parsing out one (1) resource bit by bit to gauge whether someone’s actually looking for it or if it’s received in a lukewarm way. If ‘useful’ can’t really be a selling point at the moment (e.g. starting with zero experience rather than having an established knowledge base in a new environment) then you can always swap out ‘useful’ for ‘interesting’. know a charm point you have that can hook other people’s interest, know how to find and highlight other people’s charm points. If you want a mutual relationship it’s better to make an effort to share equally (for some people that means intentionally holding back, for other people that means intentionally speaking more), but if you’re just trying to coast it’s usually easiest to keep turning the conversation back on them and track topics the other person can get chatty about (pets, kids, shows, how they’re doing, etc).

hang on those are too reasonable and not evil but I’ve typed it all out so I’m not deleting. so, there’s a bunch of worksheets about ‘rules for fighting fair’ and if you ever meet a coworker you fucking hate then you wanna take those rules and do the opposite of all of them in order to have an on-purpose bad faith conversation and to make it as miserable for everyone as possible

1. If the coworker you hate is trying to talk about one specific problem, disagree with whatever their definition is and refuse to compromise

2. Bring in as many stupid tangential asides as possible so their original point gets buried

3. If you want to be legit evil, always imply or directly state that whatever they’re going through is a personal problem and a Skill Issue

4. Always find a way to vaguely disagree with your coworker. If they have a good point, say ‘Well, no, it’s actually like [basically rephrasing their point]’; you can either be subtle about this (negging) or blatant about this (The Mansplainer)

5. There’s a limit to how disrespectful anyone can be as a new employee. Find that limit and keep just short of it.

6. Always deflect and blame someone else, or if there isn’t someone to blame, have different excuses at the ready for anything that anyone might take issue with.

to some, evil communication skills is to win. but I think the most successful (insufferable) application is when the point is to make everyone as miserable as possible. I’m not trapped here with you, You’re Trapped Here With Me. also I wouldn’t actually recommend doing many of these things if you want functional working relationships. but it’s good to keep in mind if you’re ready to go nuclear! but more seriously, I do think these are important evil communication skills to learn because if you recognize someone using them against you, it gives you the chance to make strategies based on their behavior. 1. If someone is disagreeing with you any time you try to express a problem, shut down the conversation and reengage with a mediator that will be fair to you; 2. if stupid tangents keep showing up, it’s up to you to be the terrier with its teeth sunk into the mailman’s leg; etc. anyway this has gone too long and someone else should probably be giving more legit advice

#ask #anonymous #whoops this got long #oh almost forgot #congrats and good luck! hope you don’t have to use the evil skills!

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inkskinned · 1 year

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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal #edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

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five-thousand-loaves-of-bread · 1 year

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my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

transcript: my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

this written for instagram because of this post. but thought tumblr may like it too. “you” means general you, no one specific.

the instagram post and this on wordpress

this disclaimer is for instagram but also for anyone new to this discussion:

in full honestly, don’t know how to write this. am tired, language and complex ideas too much at time of writing, and general exhaust at having to argue same thing over and over again and justify own existence. tired of being minority within minority, wish there are others to do these work for me so i don’t have to do it all by self, singlehandedly advocate for everyone (not to mention problem with that—i can’t speak for everyone).

so honestly, if you don’t have anything nice to say, especially if you speaking (yes, even if you lose speech. include you), just don't say anything at all. move on.

online actually autistic community (AAut) dominated by white, lower support needs. level 1, speaking, late diagnosed, high masking autistics. find people like you is great, what not great is you treat your very narrow community as “voice of all autistic” and your experience as ultimate autistic experience. i write plenty about that, many more elaborate than this, if you not familiar with this concept.

many people in this community experience times when cannot speak, sometimes because overwhelm, shutdown, dissociate, or anxiety (situational mutism), but do not struggle with act of speaking rest of time (some struggle with speech all the time but still can speak - more on that later). the community call “going nonverbal/nonspeaking,” or even “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking” (not talking about those nonverbal as child and verbal now older), after clinical term “nonverbal” (nonverbal autism) and term coined by apraxic nonspeaking autistics “nonspeaking.”

both of which talk about it as an “all the time” experience.

when i search nonverbal or nonspeaking because i want community too, want see people like me too, two category i see: 1) parents of nonverbal nonspeaking children, whom can’t relate to because age, who can’t write own experience because their age and developmental ability. and 2) overwhelming amount of speaking autistic talk about going nonverbal going nonspeaking.

and the very very few fully nonverbal nonspeaking voices. drowned out. cannot find anyone.

nonverbal used to be term to describe us, people who can’t speak or cannot functionally speak beyond few words. medical term, alright, so some of us don’t like. so some of us reject that and create term all of our own, called nonspeaking. created by nonspeaking autistics with severe apraxia and brain body disconnect, describe their own experience of able to think in words able to spell out words (with great dedication and work and support), just cannot do that with mouth. their term. they create.

and you take it? without knowing context? without reading anything by those same nonspeaking coiners?

when is last time you purposely seek out nonverbal nonspeaking voices? when is last time you accidentally came across us? can you name any nonverbal nonspeaking advocate that talk about their experiences? one? two? three? a BIPOC person, a (specifically) Black person? a Black woman? a trans person? a physically disabled person? a person not from western world?

same narrative over and over. “i can speak for nonverbal autistic i understand their experience because i am autistic i can’t talk sometimes” no you cannot. as someone who was able to speak when young who lose speech (”go nonverbal”) but now have no speech to lose because full time nonverbal. no the experience not the same. not comparable. you gain it back. i don’t. you can explain with mouth words what happen when you get out. i can’t, i only have AAC. countless nonverbal nonspeaking people without AAC or sign cannot, at all. you never experience daily small and big struggle of casually being nonverbal all the time.

your experience of lose speech unique from my nonverbal. but if you so insist to compare and equate, you only guest to my experience, my daily life.

“when i go nonverbal and no one understand so have to force to speak” i cannot force words out. know you don’t mean to say this, and not saying you at fault for this, but nevertheless accidental perpetuate and reinforce idea that anyone who don’t speak can just be forced to speak if try hard enough. but often not how it works. and this exact harmful rhetoric devoid and delays nonverbal nonspeaking people given access to AAC, because “need try to force words out first, AAC unnatural so last resort.”

this may be new concept for you. new concept to instagram, to tiktok. to other places. it may seem i only one with this problem, “i once saw a nonspeaking person’s account and they don’t have problem.”

yeah, because we are not monolith. some nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t care. some nonverbal nonspeaking people may even welcome “go nonverbal nonspeaking” or “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking.”

but don’t be fooled into believe i only one. have many nonverbal/nonspeaking and/or higher support needs friends on tumblr, who talk about this who have been saying this for years. *years*. years before i joined. i am not creator, i only bring message here, because many of us are too high support needs too disabled to do anything else. many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because it most peaceful, because at least some listen, because least hostile, because need to defend our experience against our own community the least. (but it happens less doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, we still exhausted.) many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because that all we can handle, or because we not allowed or shouldn’t be on other social media because age or abilities or both.

i cannot handle conflict i do not do well and i shouldn’t be here. but if not me, who else? if i don’t do it, who else is going to?

some nonverbal nonspeaking people and parents of them may question, why you start debate about useless term when so many nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t even have access to communicate, real problems. to that i say i do those work too. and to that i say this is real problem too, because am autistic so online actually autistic community should also be my space too but it not. but it hostile. because am lonely because seeing yourself so crucial because don’t know anyone in person like me don’t have any friends in person like me, so i go online to find people like me and i cannot because no own term to search and what used to be term many people without similar experience insist they understand and can speak for me because they say we have similar experience. because this aloneness and the unique difficulty from being full time nonverbal and the struggle of future and the unique mistreatment from both outside but also inside community have drove me over edge many times and it is presence and knowing their presence of my tumblr nonverbal nonspeaking / higher support needs friends that gave me hope to stay. because so many people don’t listen and instead speak over. terminology only a symptom of problem. address roots, sure, but part of address roots is address symptoms.

‘well nonverbal people are never around” maybe it because you don’t make it welcome for us to join.

“fully nonverbal rare anyway” estimated 30% of us nonverbal nonspeaking, which this statistic probably only count those nonverbal since birth. even more are minimally speaking or without full functional communication, abilities limited to requests. sure, 30% still not majority. but significant amount never the less. speaking lower support needs autistic without intellectual disability not majority anyway too but your experience still deserve heard. ours too.

“see less nonverbal people because they don't have ability to communicate and use social media” yes, many nonverbal nonspeaking people not given access to communication (like AAC), forced to live in silence (because body language communication not enough alone!). silence from birth to teenage years, to adulthood, even until they die. some cannot understand social media or AAC because intellectual disability or cognitive ability. some not allowed on there because safety, some not allowed on because presumed incompetent and abused. all true. do you advocate for them too? or is it just talking point against me, pretend you care?

but not all of us, we exist. some of us thankfully supportive parents all along, parents given resources, us given resources, so we access to AAC since beginning. some of us became nonverbal later in life (which not same experience as those early in life, i acknowledge). some of us after years of forced silence, finally given access to AAC and can now communicate and advocate! some of us on social media - do you listen?

but you see none of us in your community anyway. maybe one token person.

you can go nonverbal. i cannot go verbal. see difference? you can come close to my experience, but i never will have (future) ability to go to yours.

it frustrate that have to specify am nonverbal **all the time** when write this, because if don’t do that will be assumed otherwise. frustrate that when in neurodivergent space stranger see me AAC they assume i can speak because they only know part time users (know part time users frustrate too because people assume they cannot speak and get surprised when they do. me being assumed automatic part time is not fault of part time AAC users.)

even been told am privileged to be nonverbal nonspeaking, privilege over speaking autistic who lose speech because in their mind it mean i get all support i need i get all recognition get all the representation. which. couldn’t be farther from truth.

all that. is fraction of reason i frustrate at “going nonverbal nonspeaking” and “when i was nonverbal nonspeaking.”

so many other words. lose speech. intermittent speech.

just want have own sub community where can find people similar experience.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism #nonverbal #nonspeaking #actually nonverbal #actually nonspeaking #nd #asd #loaf screm #long post

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cardentist · 6 months

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"yes trans mascs experience transphobia, but there's no such thing as trans mascs experiencing bigotry Specifically Related to them being men/from being related to men"

my mom, after some time sorting her feelings and sifting through trans resources, was accepting of my being a trans person. it took work, but it happened. she sought out trans media from trans people, she took initiative to inform other family members and put herself between me and them.

and she completely refused to even start the process of Maybe getting me on testosterone for 10 years, until I aged out of being covered by her health insurance and couldn't afford to do it myself.

Specifically And Entirely because she was terrified that testosterone was going to make me an angry, violent person. that it was going to, in her own word, "give me roid rage."

for years she made vague pantomimes about eventually seeing about transitioning, but That reasoning would still come up no matter how I tried to explain it to her otherwise.

I am not a particularly violent person, if maybe stubborn. but that didn't matter. what Mattered is that my mother had a preconceived notion of what testosterone does, what Masculinity Does, and that notion was an inherently negative, scary one.

and Because Of That I was denied access to resources That I Need for Years. something that has carried over into the rest of my adult life.

and I see sentiments like hers online, even and sometimes Especially in trans spaces, all the time.

this vision of men as inherently violent, of masculinity as inherently dangerous, and the onus placed in the laps of Trans Men (and often, on Trans Boys) to diminish and shrink themselves to Prove that they're non-threatening enough to be tolerated.

and it bares pointing out that this Isn't just something that affects trans men. trans Women are just as affected by this association with maleness as an inherently corrupting factor. and so to are butch women and nonbinary people presented as violent and scary.

likewise, I see Similar sentiments pushed at butches and trans mascs that it's their job to Protect other people within the queer community, that image of violence and anger filtered through a softer light designating their Use. you're Allowed to be a Scary Masculine Creature as long as you dedicate yourself to protecting the weaker frailer other (which is, you know. Sexist And Weird).

but it's like. people don't Want to think about different kinds of trans and gnc people having overlapping experiences, so instead people like to decide which Kind of people are allowed to have this experience and cut other sorts of people out of those conversations.

it's not about what a particular person's gender or presentation Is, it's how that person Is Perceived and the way that they're treated Because Of that perception. sometimes this transphobia that fears masculinity looks like a perception of scary men trying to pretend to be women, sometimes it looks like a perception of women Becoming scary men, and everything that lies in between (with combinations therein).

finding a term that is used to describe this is Useful not just for giving trans mascs a way to talk about their experiences without encroaching on other conversations about transness. but Also in giving us words to describe a specific phenomenon that Can affect All trans people (and gnc people, and genderqueer people, etc), but that is difficult for us to recognize as a shared experience because people seem to think that sharing experiences is either impossible or a bad thing.

#discourse #trans unity #queer unity #transphobia #transandrophobia #or #antimasculism #if you prefer

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kodamaghost00 · 2 months

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30 Angel Dust Headcanons

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[Disclaimer!!]

This post will contain: NSFW,Sfw,Fluff,Smut.

It’s also Genderless for the girls,gays and theys!You’re a new resident at the Hotel in this scenario.

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Let’s begin!

He calls you “Sugar” and “Cutie” for sure. He loves seeing you flustered. It always gets him a good laugh.

When you first arrived at the hotel he flirted with you instantly since you’re his type. He got exited when you mirrored his demeanor.

He listens to music to calm himself down. Especially after a long shoot with Valentino.

You and him immediately start off on good terms. You casually flirt together too.

He trusts you very much. He told you about his experience with Val and you comfort him when he cries.

He’s the biggest bottom you could ever find but if you are a bottom/switch he’s willing to top you.

He asks you to review his porn and give your honest opinion.

Fat nuggets is your child now. You both are proud parents.

One night Angel,Fat nuggets and you slept in one bed together after watching a horror movie as a family… how adorable…

Angel isn’t the type to wake up early. You mostly have to wake him up. “Not now Sugar, daddy needs his beauty sleep.” You just laughed and shook your head after hearing that.

You help him on set often too. You hate Val but admire Angels dedication for his job. You mostly help with the make-up application.

He takes good care of you when you guys go out. It can be a handful if cherry is going to a bar with y’all.

After a long day he just wants to rest and cuddle with you. He warps his arms around you and lightly snores.

He wakes up in the middle of the night often due to nightmares… he wakes up with sweat all over him. “Huh… just a dream… it was just a dream…”

When he looks at you he has this one specific look of “I love you but I can’t tell you directly” . And it’s adorable…

You both definitely planned to rob a bank together.

Angel often says “If I would’ve known you during my living days, I think we would’ve get together perfectly.”

He will fuck the living shit out of you. He loves to sweet talk but also to degrade you.

Valentino even suggested if you two would like to do a porn together and angel was tempted to say yes. But for your sake he declined Val’s offer.

Sometimes angel gets knocked out at the bar so you and husk have to drag him to his room.

He’s actually also a talented artist. He drew you a potrait once and it looked incredible realistic. He never rlly explored this side of him though.

Often says “pspspspspspsps” to husk just to piss him off…

He basically has no type. He’ll just fuck what he likes.

He sees Niffty like a little sister that he has to babysit often.

He would go into a poly relationship with you and Husk.

Fat nuggets sleeps next to him every single day. No exeptions.

He likes interacting with his normal fans who don’t sexualize him and actually like his talent.

He often needs reassurance and calls with Cherry a lot for it.

Him and Cherry shit talk for literal HOURS. Especially about Valentino. “He’s the last one to criticize my hair… GET YOURSELF YOUR OWN FIRST AND THEN WE CAN TALK.”

The only thing he actually is grateful for is fat nuggets… he dresses him up often.

———————————————————

Thank you so much for reading my silly headcanons once again. I know I’ve been gone for quite some time but life’s though rn… so we’ll see each other next post!!

- Your Ghost ༼ つ ╹ ╹ ༽つ

#angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #angel dust headcanons #angel dust angst #angel dust fluff #angel dust my beloved #angel dust smut #angel dust x reader #angel dust x you #angel dust x y/n #hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hellaverse #vivzieverse #vivziepop

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sontarangaming · 2 years

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Getting Arrested 101

In light of yesterdays ruling on the Miranda rights, now that the cops don't need to read you your rights, I figure it's as good a time as any to make a crash course post on what to do if you get arrested in the US. Know your rights and how to invoke them, because cops will try and trick you into reneging on them whenever they can. Here's my bible on engaging with police, and feel free to add on if you have other tips.

If you encounter police at all, especially if it's for a protest, engage as little as possible. Protests will sometimes have police liaisons; if they do, deflect the cops onto them. They have training for this. Otherwise, say nothing to them if they don't engage first.

If they engage first, do not escalate. Cops are trained to try and escalate situations. It wins them PR, and it makes it easier for them to justify violence against you and in turn, the other protestors. I don't care how punk you think it is, do not escalate.

When they engage, if you think you're being arrested, ask them in no uncertain terms and demand a clear answer. Say "am I being arrested," and if they evade, repeat it until the answer is no or yes. If it's no, walk away and don't engage further. If it's yes, then:

Shut the fuck up. Say absolutely nothing from this point forward until you reach the station. No matter what they say, no matter how serious or casual the conversation is, you say nothing. Zip. No exceptions. This is especially important to remember because they will try and humiliate you and make the arrest process as difficult as possible to try and make you crack, so do the simplest thing and say nothing.

If you are arrested, once you make it to the station, there's a simple three step process to remember. Exact wording isn't necessary, but try and be close. Remember, you don't want to be Lawyer Dogged. Once again, be as clear as you possibly can.

"Am I being detained?" If no, leave. If yes, then say:

"I invoke my right to have a lawyer present." Any time they try and push on that, you say:

"As I am detained, I invoke my right to remain silent until my lawyer is present."

You want it to be 100% undeniable, in as much of the record as possible, that you were being detained, and therefor you need a lawyer. Otherwise, the cops will retroactively decide you weren't actually held there, and therefor you had no rights to invoke, so get that shit down. And once again, aside from saying #3, shut the fuck up. Same principle applies as #4 on the first list: they will do whatever they can to get you talking, and once they do, they'll say "oh, they decided to not use the lawyer after all because they started talking without one." So do. Not. Budge.

Lastly, some general pieces of advice, both for before and during the arrest process:

If you're going to a protest, the sort of thing where arrests can be planned for, there will likely be an organizer with some experience. They may be able to give you specific advice for that protest with regards to things like ID, liaisons, or any specific protocol. Check with them as well.

If you're in a situation where arrests are likely or expected, especially with a protest, plan accordingly. Power off your phone and deactivate the fingerprint or facial recognition unlock options, or leave it at home entirely. Don't bring anything you wouldn't want to be arrested with. Think carefully about leaving your ID at home, though. John Doe-ing can cause extra trouble for the cops (good), but it's also risky, since it can make it harder for you to pay for bail and can make things harder for you down the line.

Police always lie. Let me repeat. Police. Always. Lie. Again, Police. Always. Lie. This should be your fucking mantra. They will tell you you'll get out easier if you cooperate. They will tell you any information they can find about your friends and family. They will threaten you and them. This is all hollow. Your friends have rights as well. All of this is posturing to get you to talk and incriminate you and your friends. Police always lie.

Every American should know this, but it's especially important for any activist, or advocate. Knowing your rights is the only defense you have against cops, so you need to game that system to keep them from gaming it back.

#tanaposting #miranda rights #politics #know your rights #acab #protest #activist #psa #help girl my notifications

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inhuman-obey-me · 1 month

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🕶 with Barbatos please??👀 also yes on MC! (sorry for being specific, you can ignore it if you want but can it be directed at mc i'm not normal about Barb)

"I saw a little thing I didn't like you tried to hide." - Barbatos/MC

content warning: blood, reference to torture/gore

Barbatos has a reputation.

It is one that you remind yourself of at times, when you get lost in his sweet words and even sweeter treats. Those soft smiles, his ever-readiness to serve, his meticulous attention to detail so that things were always perfect for you – he would insist you had him wrapped around your finger, but sometimes you wonder if it truly isn’t the other way around.

After all, while you loved that side of him – one that few had the privilege to witness – you could not help but be intrigued by the part of him that reigned in the shadows.

The part of him that delighted in the slow torture of a traitor. The part of him that could use a knife to cut up a bleeding-heart artichoke just as deftly as an actual bleeding heart. The part of him that could drive someone mad just by warping the space around him, damning them to experience eternity in a matter of seconds.

Perhaps you were a bit too intrigued, your morbid curiosity having led you now to wander the dark halls of the Demon Lord’s Castle in search of him. He was supposed to meet you at the foyer earlier, but when the ever-punctual demon was nowhere to be found, you decided to take matters into your own hands. You wanted to see if you could catch the consistently composed butler off-guard, unprepared.

A fool’s quest.

You pass an archway and stop in your tracks, swearing you heard a faint scream from down below. A metallic scent pervades, your stomach churning as you take a step, and then another, and yet another – slowly descending the stairs, unsure of what you’ll find at the bottom.

It’s dimly lit, torches along the walls flickering with magic flames. Your eyes adjust, and your heart nearly skips a beat as you see Barbatos in the distance. You dive behind a wall, peering around the corner to observe.

He seems to be talking to someone, though you can’t see who. A cell, you think, as you notice the iron bars gating certain areas. The light catches on an object in his hand, something silver, and you realize he’s cleaning it off with cloth. Your own hands fish out your D.D.D., opening the camera function to zoom in and get a clearer look.

Oh.

He’s splattered with blood, standing in a pool of it. It’s a sight to behold, and you’re unable to tear your gaze away from him. Slowly, your finger goes to the capture button, taking a photo of the scene. You duck back into the passage, checking to see how the shot turned out – and chills run down your spine as Barbatos seems to be looking straight into the lens.

“Tsk, tsk.” Gloved fingers tightly wrap around your wrist, forcing you to turn around to meet a dark gaze that you knew all too well. “I saw a little thing I didn’t like you tried to hide.”

“B-Barbatos!” His name leaves your lips in a squeak. You don’t know how he got to you so fast, but you do know it’s better not to question it. “I-I’m sorry, you didn’t show up earlier and I got curious and wanted to look for you so I ended up down here and then I found you but I didn’t want to disturb you and –”

He puts a halt to your rapid explanation with a single finger against your lips, his gaze softening. “I’m sorry, my dear. It’s not like me to forget or lose track of the time. I must make this up to you immediately.” He lets go of your wrist, examining you once over before taking a step back. “But first, I need to freshen up. Shall we go upstairs?”

With a nod, you follow him back up to the brighter hallways of the castle, though he pauses once you’re at the landing. “...And what are you going to do with that photo?”

“Oh.” You can feel the warmth rush to your cheeks. “I, uh … just kind of wanted it for myself.”

“Is that so?” You can hear the amusement in his voice, see the way his lips twist into a smirk. “Well, if that’s the case, I suppose I can let your little reconnaissance slide. Next time, however,” he leans in close, breath ghosting your ear. “Just ask.”

#SORRY this is late #wrapping these up for real now #will finish up the last couple this week #but yes we're also not normal about barb totally understand #obey me #obey me!#obey me swd #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me barbatos #obey me barbatos x mc #obey me barbatos x reader #om! barbatos #obey me nightbringer #obey me fic #obey me drabble #writings #4000 follower celebration #the all encompassing [mod] cosmos

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cupcakeslushie · 3 months

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Do you have any tips on for people starting a comic and wanting to post to tumblr? Like pacing ect. Or well any experience you’ve had with your comics? Love your content as well ❤️

If it’s simply for fun, and you’re just trying to gain experience, my biggest advice would be to just START. Don’t worry about it looking perfect. Don’t worry about comparing it to other’s comics. Just try something, and if you find it’s not working, you can always change things up. I have gone through several styles and page layouts since starting. Do I wish those first pages of EW looked just like what I’m doing now? Yes, but if I’d waited around for perfection I would have never started. And I wouldn’t have had nearly as much fun creating it! If people like it, that’s great, but your art is for you. If you’re growing and learning and having fun, then you’ve accomplished something!

Now for some less preachy advice 😂…

—If your comic is gonna be hosted on Tumblr specifically, I would say, make sure you keep the 10 image limit in the back of your mind when you’re pacing things. That can definitely cause some headaches down the line. If you don’t plan ahead, and end up hitting it, you’ll have a sudden cut in your flow. This last update I knew it was gonna be long, so while I did plan, but I could’ve planned better.

—Variety is key!!!!!

Composition changes keep your viewers from getting bored. Sometimes I’ll find myself falling back into the bad habit of just doing the simple back and forth with two characters talking straight on, but changing the camera angle, making establishing shots when you change locations, and over the shoulder shots, etc etc…All these will make for a more interesting viewing. You may think a character needs to be in every single panel to make it interesting, but if you have a lot of dialogue, a simple plain shot—either in top of a solid background, or just over something boring, like a glance at the set, etc—this will let people focus on the words rather than splitting their focus.

Variety applies to shading as well—whether you’re using color or black/white. Variety in values are SO important for comics. You’re shoving a ton of information in a limited space, so try to keep your values different for items that are close together….it can make things very confusing and turn your line work into indistinguishable blobs if you shade without this in mind.

(Using this panel as an example….)

The top two panels have a variety of darker values and a halftone background—so the next two with Venus, I kept rather simple. I could’ve colored the buildings behind her, but then, she might’ve gotten lost amidst all the grey. There’s not really any trick or solid rule to this, but once you develop your creative eye, you’ll make these choices without even thinking about it.

A few links to helpful tools (they’re all procreate centered I’m afraid 😅)

Outline brush — a free tutorial for Procreate users. This brush kinda mimics the CPS feature that lets you create panels with a nice black outline. I used this brush very often, and it really gives your panels a professional look. Fair warning, it can be glitchy, but it’s free…

Manero Comic Bubbles and sfx — These brushes are not free, so I would recommend maybe getting in your groove before you try them out. They’re by no means necessary, but I’ve just started using them, and they save me so much time. There’s a HUGE selection of shapes, and they go on with a solid white background, so you don’t have to worry about coloring around your dialogue balloons.

#rottmnt #ask slushie #slushie rambles #I could probably think of more stuff but my brain is fried I’m just really putting the rambling in that slushie rambles tag

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supersoakerfullofblood · 2 months

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Why You Shouldn't Care About Theme (as a writer)

"Theme" is another word like "worldbuilding" and "plot hole" that writers put way too much stock into without clear definition. It's often thought to be one of the most important things in your story, one of the defining traits of creative writing, but it can be hard to pin down, and some pervasive definitions are actively harmful to the writing process. Let's talk about that.

A common misconception about theme is that it's the story's "message." Under this definition, a theme of The Great Gatsby would be that generation wealth is a hollow substitute for genuine human enrichment, love, etc. A theme of Hamlet would be to not kill yourself. But this idea of a book's message misses the point of why we read at all. Reading is a relationship between the author and the reader; to interpret text, the author puts their experiences in writing, and you bring your experiences to its reading. In other words, you as the reader create meaning from a story. You give the story its messages. The author's only purpose is to transcribe their worldview and experiences, and the best authors can sway the empathy of the reader towards those experiences. Anything greater than this, any book that moralizes, preaches, dictates, is gaudy, emotional propaganda. Imagine a novel where throughout the book, the author is telling you about the toxic environmental effects of unwalkable cities. While true, narrative fiction is a realm of characters and story, not essays. Readers pull meaning from a novel because they think and feel about a character's struggle and relate it to their own. So a message about The Great Gatsby is that generation wealth is hollow because we as readers live in an age of unprecedented wealth disparity; a message about Hamlet is to not kill yourself because we as readers have felt pretty down in the dumps sometimes and have maybe thought about suicide. But our experiences could be different: if we're generationally wealthy, we might read Gatsby as a celebration; if we have an awful stepfather, we might read Hamlet first as a story of revenge than of introspection. Strong authors make you sympathize with the experiences they've gone through--Fitzgerald himself was a wealthy, popular man and saw firsthand the effects of wealth, and Shakespeare probably felt rough around the emotional edges at times--but ultimately, deciding a text's "messages" is up to the reader.

So if we can't control the messages of our writing, what is theme? I like to think of it as "whatever a text is about," and that about word carries some ambiguity. Is Gatsby about money? Yes, but there's more to that. You can think right now about a plot element your WIP is about, but as authors, we want to find that greater depth. That's what we call theme.

Common writing advice tells you to plot out your theme, that greater depth, before drafting the novel. Figure out that Gatsby is a story about generational wealth being a hollow substitute for romance before anything else. But when you think about it, this is crazy advice. Themes like this can only come from our characters and how they interact with the world, and how our characters act is always going to stray in some way away from our plans for them. Writing that deeper theme, then, is impossible to plan (unless you're the most extreme plotter and have found success like that, then keep doing what you're doing. But you reading this almost certainly are not in that camp, let's be honest). So how do we get there?

Before you start drafting, think about the surface-level "abouts." Don't go deep yet. Just think about what's pressing on your mind. If you want to take a very slight moralistic bent here, do so, but be sure not to go into specifics (that's for the characters to do). For my first novel, I wanted to write about friendship responsibilities, family responsibilities, and friendship; for my second novel, church camp, romance, and evangelical culture; for my current novel, the role of story in culture, honor, familial trauma, and cultural perceptions of gender. Some of these took on moral detail--evangelical culture is bad--but most didn't. As you're writing, your characters will discover that deeper meaning. Again, your characters have to and will by nature of being part of the narrative. Your readers interact with the story, not with you.

In my first novel, I came to the thematic conclusion that too many responsibilities degrade individual identity, but too few leave someone empty; in the second novel, I concluded that evangelical culture places restrictive boxes on what romance looks like, and on how to interact with and resolve traumatic events. But I didn't come up with these--my characters did, and I learned from them in the exact same way any reader would. Similarly, a reader might interact with my characters and come to completely different conclusions. This is normal, okay, and encouraged.

You may also find other themes popping up as you write. In my second novel, popularity and social capital became a huge cog in the machine. Let these fresh themes surprise you, and run with them.

Ultimately, you can't control what your readers take away from your story. Your goal as a writer is to create characters so rich and deep and intimate (not in the romantic sense, unless you're into that) that the reader can bring their experiences to the text and find meaning. We cannot worry about this before starting a writing project, because we can't control it, and thinking too much about it will muddy the waters of what actually matters, what we can affect. And when you start to sense those deeper meanings emerging in your story, run with them, flesh them out, and embody them in the struggles of characters.

#writeblr #writing #writing advice #writing questions #fanfic #creative writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writer #bookblr #booklr #reading

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tarotwithavi · 5 months

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Messages from your inner child 🎁🪐

How to choose a pile?

Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.

Masterlist

Paid services

Hello if you're reading I hope you have a great month ahead!

Pile 1

Hello I hope you are fine I just want to ask you how are you coping up with it. We promised to be a kind person did we not? Are you still that kind person? I am not talking about how you treat others I am talking about how you treat yourself. Are you being kind to us? I just get upset sometimes when you don't treat yourself the way you treat your good friends because I am your friend too. Are we doing our dream job? Are we doing what we dreamed of? No? Do we have the friend group that we always desired? Are we popular now? Are you putting enough work to get all that we desired? I am not blaming you I am just reminding you that to get what we desire we need to put in the same effort. You know you are capable of all that you desire, you're worthy of all that you desire but things will not be served on a silver platter for you.

I see that a lot of you have been hurt and yourself healing from all those experiences. I also see that some of you may have been through a miscarriage or death of a child. Your inner child just wants you to know that everything will be okay and you will be fine. I also see that some of you need to take action to fulfill your dreams. You have the idea that you just need to put it to work. Follow your dreams, are you the person your inner child will be proud of? Ask yourself. What can you do to be the person you always dreamt of becoming as a child?

Pile 2

Hello! I know you have been really stressed lately. I know things did not work out the way you thought they would or the way you wanted them to but I just want you to know that the upcoming days are a blessing. You have done enough for us now it's your time to take a rest and finally give yourself the credit you deserve. I do not feel good when you overwork yourself. If you look closely we are currently living one of her childhood dreams you just need to acknowledge that. You are already doing enough to become the person you are meant to be and sometimes life does punch us in the face but we have to stand strong. Do not be harsh with your words, do not look yourself in the mirror and say harsh things because I live inside you. Yes, things are really bad. Yes we do not have the money to get some work done but it will be alright. Remember “This too shall pass”. The people the times the beauty all these things are temporary with the only thing that is permanent is your mind. People leave you, time changes and beauty becomes not so beautiful with time but it is only your brain that remains the same. Yes it does go from frequent changes but in the end it's your brain that is going to stay with you forever. so keep that positive and do not let those negative thoughts get to you.

Alright so this may be a really specific message but I am getting that if you used to have a twin who couldn't survive , they are now one of your spirit guides. I also want you to know that you are going to reap the fruits of what you bore in the past. For example if you did a good thing and forgot about it then you are getting the good Karma back but if you did a bad thing then this is just the karma getting at you. For some of you you are about to meet your soulmate and have a long term relationship with them however I would suggest you to not obsess over the thought of having a soulmate because that may repel them. I also see that your inner child is proud of you actually and they really want to give you a big hug. Imagine your child self hugging you and patting you on the back.

Pile 3

Hello!!!!! Do not be sad, we have to prove people wrong, right? We have to prove that we are enough and we have to prove that they have been wrong for a very long time. They have been wrong about the world, they have been wrong about us, they have been wrong about what beauty is. Honestly I don't think there is anything they have been correct at. Just keep doing what you are doing. I am really proud of you and you should keep being yourself. Show them your sarcastic side and talk back to them. You are doing enough I said and that's the end of the topic. They can be the one to speak or to start a conversation or even an argument but we will be the one who ends it. You are here to break generational curses . What people say should not bother you. In fact what people say should not bother anyone because they don't pay our bills. I don't know how you become so anxious because this is not you, we are carefree, we are cheerful and we are beautiful.

Alright so your inner child seems sassy so to say. I also see that you have been receiving messages in your dreams or your about to. I also see that if you are thinking of starting a new business or giving a job interview or filing for a job then you should definitely do it but be really careful of what information you share. Some of you may be having nightmares recently because your room is really cold. Things about to change life will turn drastically. It's like you are about to shift realities. Right now you may be doing two jobs or maybe managing work and job and may be really stressed about yesterday's work and your personal life but you're about to shift into a reality where you will not have to worry about these things. You are about to shift into a reality where your manifestations will come to reality within seconds.

#tarot reading #tarot cards #pick a card #free readings #free tarot #tarot #pick a pile #tarotblr #pick a picture #pick a photo #tarot requests #tarot readings #tarotcommunity #tarotwithavi #taroteverydamnday #tarot witch #tarotoftumblr #psychic readings #inner child

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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AITA for not changing my OCs backstory?

Saw some recent posts about people fighting over RP characters so I thought I'd throw mine in.

I (F25) am in a RP server for peoples OCs. It's a small server for friends or friends-of-friends so everyone is either a friend or an aquaintence.

There's a channel specifically for people to post their OCs to see if anyone wants to RP with them. The posts are basically references with the characters name, appearance, backstory, etc. and a list of things the person wants to RP with them (smut, angst, medieval, coffee shop, roomates, etc.)

Anyways, I started RPing with two other people, Amy (F23) and Jenny (F25) recently and things were going good. We were doing a modern with magic type RP and all of our OCs met each other at a bar.

Eventually as the RP progressed my OC revealed that she thought she was a lesbian and then realized she was bi (they were all sitting at a table together commenting on other people in the bar and who they thought was cute).

Amy suddenly stopped responding to the RP so it was just me and Jenny, and I just figured that Amy was busy with college stuff so I didn't want to bug her about responding.

A few days later I get a DM from Jenny saying that Amy is REALLY uncomfortable with my OCs backstory. I'm of course confused and ask her why Amy didn't just message me. She told me Amy was really upset and didn't want to talk about it. I say "If she doesn't want to talk about it why is she telling you to tell me? If she has a problem she needs to tell me so I can fix it."

About 20 minutes later I get a message from Amy with a list of problems she has with my OC. The list said:

My OC is lesbophobic.

Your OC is saying that being lesbian is a phase (not at all what my OC's dialogue said during the scene, the word "phase" was never once used).

There's not enough lesbian rep in things and you're taking away even more.

You're replacing actual lesbian rep with an inferior straight character (yes, she used the word inferior).

She basically demanded that I change her backstory and make her a lesbian again, or AT LEAST make sure she ends up in a relationship with another woman.

I was pissed.

I replied back and said:

"Please go back and highlight the dialogue line where my OC stated that being a lesbian was a phase, because I searched the word "phase" in our channel and I couldn't find it. That word wasn't even used once during our RP, by any of us.

Also, there's nothing wrong with something being a "phase". People don't get one chance to pick a sexuality or gender and then get stuck with it for the rest of their life. Sometimes it takes people a while to figure themselves out. Sometimes things change.

My OCs sexuality is literally based on my own personal experiences. I thought I was straight, and then I thought I was a lesbian, and now I realize that I'm actually bi. I'm not lesbophobic for changing my mind, that's not what that word means.

If you want more lesbien rep then go make more lesbian characters. I'm not "taking away rep" because it was never there in the first place, and again, my OC is based on my OWN EXPERIENCES, and I as a person do not exist to provide representation. Why is lesbian rep more important than bi rep? I can name multiple, canon lesbian characters but I can only think of one character that canonically likes men and women.

I'm not replacing lesbian relationships with a straight relationship because even if she dated a man she would still be bi, not straight. It's fucking disgusting that you think a relationship or person is "inferior" because they're not the sexuality you want them to be. She's based on me, do you think I'm inferior for something completely out of my control?

I'm not changing shit about her backstory, especially not to coddle the feelings of biphobes."

She responded with a huge rant that I'm not going to post here but the TLDR is "You're lesbophobic and you hate lesbians and you're awful and dangerous and you don't care about good rep fuck you." and then blocked me.

I told Jenny what Amy had said and she said "Idk, it's not really a big deal to change it? It was a small part of her story and it made Amy uncomfortable :/"

So AITA for not changing it?

It IS a small, insignificant part of her story that wouldn't change anything if I removed it but for me it's the principle: I'm tired of bisexual characters (and people!) being treated as lesser or not as good as "real" LGBT+ people/relationships.

Also I'm planning on making comics with my OCs and I make sure that there's at least a few lesbian, gay, trans, etc. characters in each story so that EVERYONE gets rep. Which matters way more to me than "rep" that only like 15 people in a discord server will see.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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athena-swords · 4 months

Text

🎊 Gifts for our NEW YEAR 🎊

PAC

Disclaimer: people I am doing this in all seriousness and all and no it's not for entertainment purposes but ya collective readings so take what resonates

Pile 1. Pile2.

Pile 3. Pile4.

Pile 1❄️❄️🤍

We keep this love in photographs, so if you wanna buy cameras or just capture moments please go ahead and buy it it will give you lots of joy pile 1 new year could be looking as just any new year coming but you know that things are gonna change and maybe the people you are close with now will have to move and you too to other places so cherish this moments.Are you all joining colleges??or like your graduation is being done anyway congrats wishing you absolutely the best .

Maybe you will take the road less taken which will have its own uncertainty but for sure it's gonna be so worth it ,okay first of all whatever type of exams or test you are planning for they gonna give you your desired or expected results and you could be seeing true faces of your close mates and if you feel that you get easily evil eye or affected by others energies don't worry your guides are there to protect you ,this year you could have on issue in financial matter you are being in open to receive energy I see a energetic shit around you and you actually coming into limelight (attention song being played)you definitely should check your solar return chart could bein fire asc sign ok

And I am seeing or more of sensing lot's of puppy love energy so ya talking stages could happen and you ending up liking someone all over just enjoy your "up in the poppy hills" movie vibe so here comes the end of a eventful year wishing you all the best guys take care 💓

Oracle cards: Give it sometime approx 3 to 4 months,the more you live the less you worry,luck is in your favour,My gurl is the prettiest,Be careful with the people you choose

Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot

Pile 2❤️‍🩹🥀

Some of you could be getting married or just getting your"THE ONE" for you if you wanted to meet your soul tribe and have been manifesting some wholesome human bond well I am pleased to tell you , you're making some lifetime connections this year , lots of self care products buying specifically perfumes and scented products if 2023 has been the pain the upcoming one will heal all those wounds and the word hork you thought no one saw wanna check some parts of pile 1?? I would recommend there could be a message for you there

Look you need to stop procrastinating!!!like if we wand our desires to turn into reality we need to put some action okkk and studyyyyy like when you study just put your focus on it if need then gurl you have to read it again n ugh that's more tiring.being more organised and balance is always a gift for you this year and a quote for you is "sometimes rejection is protection in disguise"so just jio lol even if it's your lala world I just said a paradox bit don't come to me fantasy and reality just need a little balance and we are good with it.

If you love gloomy weather then congrats you could experience it alot this year.I think you tend to underestimate your intuition and when it turns out right you regret so this year all about working on this and believing ourselves more then others 💗💗

Oracle cards: make a priority list,oh lala it's a love story, it's a yes, please zindagi jiyo baba...,study remember it's "you reap what you sow".

Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot

Pile 3📸🦋

My Roman Empire is..... Idk lol.So travels travels and lots of travels in the list 😸 are you planning to fulfill your bucket list or something kya pile 3 anyway you could start talking again with a dear one with whom you could have stopped interacting or cut ties.Having a reunion of some kind being on backpack this could be the highlight of your year sudden plans being made you shifting family dynamics being changed

You again starting to learn alottt like an instrument, occult knowledge,your ancestors, about the world human body and many moreee.Having watermelon with closed ones on a beach or family farm haa such a vibe and keeping your room clean so it does not look like a messy place

Honestly I don't want to touch this past but somewhere along the line if you started feeling that it's hard uk to be happy like genuinely feel so content of life and kinda just at the starting stage of depression well this year is gonna prove your fact so wrong love muah muah have my love ok💓💓

On a side note your Cooking is good please try more

Oracle cards: Are you pretending love,the fingers create magic , living life king size , friends are the bigger enemy.

Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot

Pile 4🪴🦓

Headache ahh you could be having them a bit this year ya but but it's because of all the packed schedule you need to get done with which you will be doing for not overthinking about "this" situation of yours someone from past could come back now it's upto you what you will do with them (it seems romantic connection btw).

Do you put this "I don't care" attitude I see you gotta change this one as there will be things you have to be responsible for alot this year.Emotionally you could be working on yourself listening to podcasts and actually making opinions of yours not just blindly following whatever is being said .you confused about something?? honestly sameee sorry for this just that your biggest gift could be knowing yourself more and handling just how you show yourself to the world

Oracle cards: posh lifestyle,lose yourself a little bit, it's not worth it,it worth trying,you know the answer

Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot

Wishing you all a very happy New year 🧿🧿🤍

Pls message me my ishman fam i need someone to talk about them 🤌🤌

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rosemaeridream · 10 months

Text

a bout of amnesia and a personality change || aespa - yjm

yu jimin x reader

warnings: high school AU, reader sorta became an OC - deal with it, reader thinks jimin is conceited - idk why she's been nothing but a sweetie, jimin likes jazz, reader is also so awkward i apologise but jimin doesnt mind, this is just fluff and gay panic, angst if u take off your glasses and read upside down

Synopsis: "The only way I’d ever see her praise Jimin was if she hit her head and woke up with a bout of amnesia and a personality change."

word count: ~6k

You don’t consider yourself popular. Everyone in your grade knew you, and you’ve spoken to almost everyone, but you weren’t part of the popular clique nor did you want to be. You preferred your mismatched gang of six. Yes, they were loud and (really) stupid most of the time, but it was out of the limelight and they felt safe; you liked it that way.

However, you were sometimes jealous of the popular group, specifically one Yu Jimin, who whispers shadowed wherever she stepped. You often watched large crowds split in the school grounds when she walked through or admirers gift large bouquets of flowers whenever she was found on campus.

Jimin wasn’t only popular with the student body though, due to her straight A grades, her pristine attendance record, and her charming fake (?) smile, she was also known as the model student with her teachers.

However when it came to first hand experience with the girl, you had none. Call yourself superficial but you didn’t think you needed to know the girl to have her whole personality written out on a blank sticky note.

Jimin was a teacher’s pet; the pretty girl who lived next door. Someone who thought of themselves so highly, they didn’t need to interact with or let anyone below their league get to know them.

At least that was the impression most people had.

To further affirm your thoughts, most of your friends had similar opinions. Chaeyoung thought she was much too withdrawn for the whole school to fawn over her. Both Yena and Yunjin were indifferent, agreeing that she was too much of a people pleaser to be interesting. And Chaewon’s small interactions had left her a little scared of the girl, saying she was cold and intimidating.

The only person who had come to her defence was Minjeong. They shared a few classes together and she often cleared the air in situations where Jimin was bad-mouthed by your friends.

Once you had asked why she defended Jimin, and the other girl just shrugged, told you that appearances aren’t everything, and that you should try talking to her for once, unlike the rest of your grade, then went back to eating the food in front of her.

But you didn’t want to get to know Jimin. Not when your eyes met across the courtyard and sickly sweet smiles were sent your way (they were fake, right?). Not when you heard her melodic voice floating around the hallways. And definitely not when you attended Yunjin’s field hockey games and spent the entire time watching the wrong person.

The only way I’d ever see her praise Jimin was if she hit her head and woke up with a bout of amnesia and a personality change. - Lee Chaeyoung.

ABOUT HOW YOU ‘HIT’ YOUR HEAD:–

You just really needed to go to the bathroom. Knocking on the door again, you yelled out. “Can you please hurry up? There’s no other bathroom free.” Your brother was inside, no doubt dying his hair another colour. “Just wait a moment, I’ve got gloves on and can’t open the door.” You waited 10 more seconds then decided to take matters into your own hands. Patiency was never your finest trait, and definitely not when your bladder was about to burst. “I’m opening the door so if you’re making out with someone in there you better stop.” You half joked. The door opened revealing your brother looking mildly embarrassed. You didn’t care what he was doing as long as you could relieve yourself. Entering the small room you started to manoeuvre over to the toilet in the corner of the room. “What colour are you dying it this time?” You peaked over your brother’s shoulder to see bleach and a bottle of toner on the sink. But before you got an answer your foot caught on the corner of the shower mat. To stop yourself from slam dunking your head into the toilet bowl, and a possible concussion, you reached out and grabbed the closest thing you could reach. Unfortunately that was your brother who had just picked up the bowl of bleach on the sink. Curse that stupid shower mat. You hadn’t hit your head on the toilet, thank god, but something, perhaps worse in your opinion, had happened. The bowl of bleach that was in your brother’s hands was emptier than it had been a moment ago. Neither you nor your brother were known for thinking long term. Usually that resulted in stupid decisions that seemed like good ones in the moment. Like unleashing your dog to let it play with a small puppy, then watching as it bolted off to chase a pigeon into the distance. Or something like bleaching the rest of your hair could definitely be one of those moments.

You were late again. You hated Tuesday mornings anyway, there was no reason to have assemblies when they had one on Friday morning too. At least you could sneak into the school without having to get a late slip. Quietly weaving through the mass of students you quickly found your friends where they usually sat.

“Have I missed anything important?” You whispered to Minjeong who was definitely not paying attention to the current staff member with the microphone droning about what you assumed to be a writing competition. Minjeong jerked out of her trance and turned to you.

It looked like she was about to say something but instead of words coming out of her mouth, a small yelp was in their place. Instantly a teacher shushed her. Minjeong covered her mouth with her hand and nodded her apologies to the teacher.

By now everyone was looking at the both of you. Knowing they would look away in a moment, you tried asking Minjeong again. “Jeongie? Did I miss anything?” You nudged her with your elbow.

Instead of Minjeong, Yunjin, who was sitting two people down the row, replied. “Clearly it’s not what you missed.”

“What do you me-” You were cut off by the teacher shushing you all again. Everyone was still watching you, the staff member still droning on about the competition.

Minjeong reached up to wrap a finger around a strand of your hair.

“It’s so...” she mumbled. “Blonde.”

“What the hell, Y/N?” Yena’s head poked out from even further down the line.

“Choi Yena.” A stern voice sounded from behind them. “Would you please be quiet!”

Yena looked like she wanted to say more, but she held back, only to not get herself into trouble.

Everyone was still staring at your head. You could feel it; beady eyes burning through the now blonde hair.

Somehow, you blame it on a stroke of luck, and maybe your (newfound) ability to escape from awkward social situations, you slipped away from the crowds after you were dismissed from assembly. Avoiding all the people looking at you (and your hair), you quickly made your way to class.

Instead of heading towards the steps that your gang usually congregated by when the lunch bell rang, you turned and made your way towards the building off to the side of the campus.

The school library was bigger than it looked. It was split into three parts; an open plan common room directly in front of the door; to the right, a maze of clustered shelves extended to the back of the room, where a door led to the study alcoves seniors had authority over.

Entering the library you immediately turned right, wanting to be hidden by the hundreds of tall shelves gathered in the room. Book spines blurred together as you quickly weaved through the room. Soon you’d be lost in the maze. Sighing in relief once you were far enough in, you slowed your pace down, occasionally taking note of the names of books surrounding you.

The further into the shelves you got the more disorientated you became. You would have scolded yourself for not paying attention to where you came from if you weren't suddenly standing in front of Yu Jimin, her nose in a book, sitting on the floor below you.

To be frank, you probably wouldn't have said anything to her, like the rest of your grade, if Jimin hadn't looked up at that very moment.

“Uh- h- uhm hi?” You uncharacteristically stuttered. “I’m sorry. I uh- just wanted to get away from the uh- outside- I mean, people watching... me…? No, you see, I ah- dyed my- Well I didn’t dye it, I actually slipped, but you don’t need to know that- but… well ah-” Pretty brown eyes watched you curiously as you stumbled through your greeting. You shut your mouth when you realised that nothing you had just said made any sense.

Mirth filled the pretty brown eyes, as her lips pulled at the corners of her mouth. “You’re Kang Y/N, right? I think we share P.E. class.” You didn’t say a word, worried that you would embarrass yourself again, though it didn’t matter, as the girl sitting in front of you kept talking.

“You know, I almost didn’t recognise you at all.” Her eyes flickering across blonde hair. “It suits you.”

“A- ah, thank you.”

Jimin gave you a warm smile and went back to her book. It was fake, you could have made a mad dash for the Bible in the library just to swear on it. However, you felt like you were missing something.

“Uhm…”

Jimin looked back up from her book. “Do you need anything?” Her smile was warm, as if she were a close friend. That made no sense, you didn’t like her and she didn’t know you.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” Asking anyway, you pointed to a spot near where the other girl was sitting. “The hair dye thing is kinda giving me a lot of unwanted attention.”

Jimin’s smile turned knowing. “Sit for as long as you like.”

You arrived in the library earlier than you had the day before. Honestly, you didn’t know why you were here.

Your friends had all texted you the day before, asking you where you had been at lunch. You had been oddly defensive; instead of telling them that you were in the library sitting next to someone you had previously said you wanted nothing to do with, you told them that you were practising guitar in the music rooms.

Maybe you’re a little bit stubborn… or maybe you just didn’t like proving Minjeong right.

Making your way back through the maze you navigated yesterday, you found the spot that Jimin was sitting in empty. You frowned. Maybe I took the wrong turn? The books that lined the shelves around you were definitely the same as before. Perhaps she’s just late?

Lost, you sat down in the same spot. You couldn’t just sit here looking like you were waiting right? That would be weird. You turned to look at the wall of books behind you. Just grab one, it doesn’t matter as long as it looks like you’re doing something. You slid out a book from directly behind you. The cover was red and had a book shaped like a matchbox in the upper centre.

“Fahrenheit 451, huh?” You snapped your head to the direction of the voice. Jimin was standing there, pretty brown eyes studying you. “Good book.”

You didn’t know what to say so you just nodded your head. In that moment you cursed the universe for not letting you take a book that you had already read. Jimin walked past you to move towards her spot. The book she held in her hands was different from the one she was reading yesterday.

“What are you reading?” Jimin looked down at the book in her hands, then turned it around so you could read the title.

The book was well read. The edges of the cover were slightly peeling back to show the cream of the paper below and one of the corners had been bent back as if it had been shoved in a bag that was already too full. When you read the title you almost laughed.

“Harry Potter?”

Jimin hummed in affirmation. Pretty eyes turned into pretty crescents. She sat down in her spot, and made herself comfortable.

“What happened to the book you were reading yesterday?” You were too curious not to ask.

“I finished it.” The girl cracked open the worn book midway. The conversation felt like it had ended.

You didn’t like that.

You froze. Why didn’t you like that? Why were you here instead of with your friends outside? What did Jimin have that your friends didn't? She has those pretty brown eyes… your mind supplied. Slapping yourself mentally, you refused to let yourself think about it. If anything at all, you can unpack the thought later.

You ended up getting more comfortable where you sat, stretched out your legs and opened up the book you had picked earlier to the first page.

“What house are you in?” A voice interrupted you from reading the first sentence. You turned to see Jimin looking right at you. Her eyes are wide, like she’s genuinely curious.

“I’m sorry?”

“Your Hogwarts’ house?” Jimin slightly motioned the book in her hands towards you. “You have read Harry Potter, right?” You thought you heard the other girl mumble something like ‘or seen the movies’ but you weren't sure.

“Oh, I’m a Slytherin.” You grimaced. “What about you?”

“What do you think I am?” Jimin smiled and you weren’t sure if it was fake anymore. If you didn’t know better you thought it was said rather flirtatiously.

“Uhm, don’t take this the wrong way, but I would’ve placed you in Slytherin.”

“Would’ve?” Jimin raised one of her eyebrows.

“Well,” You avoided all eye contact. “Seeing you sit here right now, makes me think you’re more of a Gryffindor. But-that-might-be-stereotyping-Gryffindors-to-be-confident-around-people-they-don’t-know-very-well-and-I-know-it’s-more-nuanced-than-that-but-it’s-just-the-vibe-that-comes-off-you-with-the-way-you-speak-and-smile-at-me-when-I-don’t-know-you-and-you-don’t-know-me-and-you-keep-talking-to-me-like-we-do-know-each-other-and-it’s-slightly-offputting-but-not-in-a-completely-bad-way-it’s-just-strange-that-you’d-do-that-because-like-I-said-you-don’t-know-me-and-I’m-gonna-shut-up-now.”

A light giggle punctured the silence around you. Oh great, she’s laughing at me. However, when you finally gained the defiant courage to look Jimin right in the eyes, you found no malice there. Only mirth had spread through those pretty brown eyes again.

You found that - although you didn’t like embarrassing yourself in front of anyone - seeing Jimin find some enjoyment out of your socially awkward behaviour was rewarding enough for you to want to humiliate yourself over, and over again.

You mentally scoffed at the thought of it. You don’t want to be Jimin’s royal jester. Not when she smiles at you like you’re a puppy chasing its tail, and if she ever looked at you with that expression again, you would happily don a fool’s cap and prance around like an idiot, just to make it last a few moments longer.

“You’re right…. And you’re much better at reading me than other people. I’d place myself in Gryffindor.” Jimin mused. “You shouldn’t doubt your gut, Y/N. Most people guess Slytherin and leave it at that.” The way your name was formed by Jimin’s mouth was maddening. You almost sqeaked out of nervousness. Why on earth were you behaving this way? You were acting like you had a school girl crush on Jimin or something.

Instead of replying you just gave Jimin a smile that looked more like a grimace, and looked down at the open book in your lap. The words swam on the page; you wouldn’t be reading anything while the other girl was nearby. You snapped the book shut, and stood up too fast for someone trying so hard to seem casual. Jimin watched as you stuffed your book into the closest free spot you could find.

“I, uh- just realised I have to give… uhm, give… give Chaeyoung the money I owe her! You know how people get when you… ah, yeah, borrow money from them? So I’m just going to do that... Yeah.” You blurted out. Using your ability to escape from awkward social situations, which has come in rather handy lately, you gave Jimin a dorky thumbs up, a short farewell, and then practically power walked out of the library.

You didn’t visit Jimin for the rest of the week. In all honesty, you were sure that Jimin didn’t want you awkwardly rambling your way through her breaks. But you didn’t spend much time with your group either. Half embarrassed that you willingly spent one (and a half!) lunches with someone you had bad-mouthed, half stressed about an upcoming guitar solo, you ended up spending your time in the music rooms hunched over your guitar.

So when you navigate your way back through the shelves the following Monday, you refuse to ask yourself why you’re back here again. Maybe it was because people were still staring at your blonde hair, making you feel uncomfortable through all the unwanted attention. Or maybe it was because you had seen Jimin being handed a letter of confession by a tall, broad-shouldered boy who had a sharp smile earlier that morning.

The shelves themselves were comforting, looming high over you so the only thing in sight were books, the only thing you could smell was slightly musty paper, and if you put your hand out the only thing you’d touch would be-

Jimin.

She’s looking up at you with a quizzical wonky smile, eyebrows furrowed, as if to ask why you were almost stepping on her.

Eyes widening, you step back, fumbling for words. “Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there.” You sound like an idiot. Resisting the urge to hide your face in your hands, you drop down to sit next to her.

She doesn’t have a book with her today. Instead she’s got her knees to her chest, with her phone resting on top, opened to what looks like a wall of text. You point at her phone with a finger, then try to crack a joke. “Can’t get your head out of a book, huh?”

Jimin turns her head, eyebrows still furrowed. There’s something about her expression that makes your stomach do a tiny little backflip. You still yourself, forcing the sensation away. Then she takes something out of her ear. “Sorry, I was listening to music. What did you say?”

She didn't hear you.

Well, there goes trying to be confident. Staring at her, you open and close your mouth, trying to come up with something to say. You can’t even remember what you had said to her before, all your thoughts had stopped.

Forcing yourself onwards, you do the first thing that comes to mind and grab the earphone in her hand. She cocks her head, confused, and opens her mouth to say something, but you get there first. “What are you listening to?”

Her eyes flick over you, then to the shelves of the library, and that’s when you know you’ve just made things awkward. You’re about to apologise, palm flat with the earphone resting in the centre of it when she speaks up.

“Almost Blue by Chet Baker.”

Absolutely no bells were ringing in your head. You were sure you were looking at her like an idiot, so you focused on her phone screen instead. Clearing your throat, you tried to make your voice come out confident. “Oh, right. That’s a good one.”

There must have been something about the way you said it, or the position in which you’re sitting, hand stretched out with the earphone resting on it, or maybe even a combination of both, because she lets out a small laugh. It tickles your ears. You move your gaze back to find her already looking at you, smile lines perfectly wrinkled.

“It’s jazz.” She says after she gets past her laughter. Her hand moves up to yours and plucks the earphone from where it sits, then moves it to your ear. Putting an earphone in for someone has always been an awkward experience for you, but you’ve never been on the flip side of the move, and it’s different. Really different. Her fingers brush your ear, and you stop yourself from moving, whether that be from trying to help her ease the bud into your ear, or because you can feel your heart pumping erratically in your chest.

Once the earphone is in, she retracts her hand and turns up the music a couple notches. You process the soft piano complimenting the solo trumpet, creating a sound you’d expect in a noir film where the main character is sitting in a dark bar, mulling over a drink. It’s jazz. She said it was jazz, but like it’s jazz.

After a couple moments of silence she pulls you from your music induced haze. “I like this one a lot, it lets me unwind.” You watch as she twiddles with her fingers, the image of her being handed the letter this morning no longer there. Only a timid Jimin, lips twisted in a nervous smile, is left behind. The Jimin who sits in the library during lunch, reading Harry Potter. The Jimin who listens to jazz.

“It’s good. Very… detective in a slump.” You force yourself to speak, realising that she wants your opinion on the music. The way her smile brightens tells you that you said the right thing.

You spend the rest of your lunch break with Jimin rambling on about the various jazz standards that were playing, and the ways in which they affected the industry. And, honestly, you could have stayed there longer.

You decided to sit with your friends today. Yena had rung you up yesterday afternoon to pester you into having lunch, asking every question under the sun, and making sure you knew that she was being neglected. Instead of getting on your knees and apologising profusely for your misconduct, like Yena would love, you just brush her off and promise to buy her boba the next time you hang out.

It was slightly odd being around loud people again. Between spending time in the quiet library with Jimin or alone with your guitar, the sheer hecticness of your friends was overwhelming. Yena and Chaewon were loudly bickering over food like usual, resulting in Chaewon whining for Yunjin to back her up, while Chaeyoung kept prolonging the argument by adding in extra points for both of the girls. Yunjin starts to argue with Chaeyoung, telling her that she’s fueling the fire, and steals the food, holding it in the air which makes both Yena and Chaewon screech.

You sigh and block them out, suddenly wanting nothing more than the peace of the library. And maybe pretty brown ey-

“You okay?” Minjeong pokes at your arm. She has a sandwich half stuffed in her mouth which would be adorable if you didn’t know how much of a little shit she could be when she wanted.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I just forgot how annoying you guys are.” You send her a stiff smile.

Minjeong just stares you down. It’s concerning how soulless she can be sometimes. Straightening your back, you force a slightly less stiff smile, hoping to placate her. Somehow, it works, (She took pity on you.) and her expression morphs into one more resembling concern. “Wanna go to a practice room? I can play guitar with you.” She offers. The both of you had spent countless breaks alone with your instruments, picking out a vast array of rock and metal songs to learn together. You had even joked with her about starting a band together once.

However, today you weren’t feeling rock or metal or even pop.

“Nah,” You show her your hands, palms up, fingers wiggling. They were calloused and the skin at the tips of your fingers was peeling. It didn’t hurt much anymore, just small pinpricks of pain when you touched something the wrong way. “I should rest my fingers.”

She nods and draws her attention back to Yunjin being chased around the courtyard by Yena who’s screaming expletives. You silently thank the universe that she doesn’t prod any further, especially since on every occasion previously you had accepted the offer, even if your fingers were covered in bandaids.

Drifting off in your thoughts, you wondered what Jimin was doing. Did she have her head in a book today or was she listening to music? If she was, what was she listening to? Was she happy spending time alone in the library without you? At that final thought, you pulled yourself from your daze. Why would Jimin care about you enough to not be happy when you weren’t there?

There’s a shriek and you look up to see Yena on top of Yunjin, Chaewon trying to pull her off. Minjeong chuckles beside you, taking her phone out of her pocket to record. When you sigh again, she turns to look at you.

“You know you can go to the library, right? Yena might miss you for a moment, then she’d remember that Chaeyoung called her a shrimp that one time and spend the rest of the break badgering her.” There’s a slightly more worrying yelp from Yunjin and Minjeong stands up to take care of it. She takes a couple steps forwards, then spins to face you, while pacing backwards. “You don’t have to listen to rock all the time. Jazz can be good too!”

You’re left stunned as Minjeong turns back around and helps pull Yena off Yunjin. How did she know? Minjeong isn’t stupid, but no one knew you were with Jimin in the library. And how did she know that Jimin even liked jazz? There were so many questions and too little answers, so instead of sitting there dumbly till the bell rang, you shoved your things into your bag and headed towards the library.

The library was a sanctum; quiet, safe and had attendants who were as close to heaven as possible. Or at least, Jimin was as pretty as an angel. But you never interacted outside of the library. She was different when the walls of books weren’t the only other thing you could see. You felt too intimidated to talk to her when she was trailed around by admirers, or when people whispered in her wake. On too many occasions you found yourself zoned out of your friends' antics, your eyes travelling to find Jimin walking around campus, an bored smile plastered on her lips.

Sometimes you got close, brushing past her as she stood outside her classroom while waiting for her teacher. Opening your mouth to say something, anything, then meeting her eyes and seeing uninterested blackness instead of the pretty warm brown that reflected in the overhead lights of the library. Deciding to shut up and move on.

Or that one time Jimin had walked up to your group to talk to Minjeong about a class project. You stood behind Chaeyoung, using her tall figure to keep you hidden. Chaewon and Yunjin blabbering away, too focused on each other to see how intensely you were staring at her. Jimin wrapped up the conversation pretty quickly, then her eyes flicked to you poking your head around Chaeyoung. She kept her eyes on you, looking like she wanted to speak to you too. Then Yena burst your bubble, slapping your butt playfully as she joined the circle, making you break eye contact. When you looked back Jimin was long gone.

You were in the library first today, it was cold out and the heater had just been put on. So you sat with your knees to your chest trying to preserve your body heat. Jimin wandered in a couple minutes later, carrying a bouquet of flowers. She carelessly dropped them to the floor, before plopping down next to you. The way her shoulders slumped and her head drooped made it obvious that she wasn’t exactly happy.

“Did something happen?” You ask cautiously. She doesn’t meet your eyes, and reaches to grab your hand instead. Her eyes flicker to the bouquet, then she speaks up, her voice tired, mopey. “Can we not talk about it?”

“Mmkay.”

After a couple seconds, she moves her head to rest on your shoulder, not saying a word. You sit there just as quietly, not wanting to make her uncomfortable or bring up something she doesn’t want to talk about. The soft scent of the flowers lingered in the air. You couldn’t help but feel resentment towards them. One day she’d eventually accept a bouquet and your time with her in the library would be cut short.

The heater hummed in the background, generating heat that enveloped the both of you. Apart from the hum, you could only process Jimin’s slow breaths, the rise and fall of her chest relaxing you, even if you were still deeply concerned for her. You hated admitting that you were wrong, normally being one to succumb to pride and stubbornly refuse to budge. But maybe you were wrong, just this once, about her. Maybe she wasn’t the stuck up ice-princess that you had thought.

Without a word, Jimin moves again, this time pulling on your waist so that you’re in between her legs. You feel like a teddy bear, her head over your shoulder and nose tucked into your chin, while her arms encircled your torso. The position made your heart flutter, but you pushed it down. Jimin’s clearly not good right now, and you can’t be thinking of her in that way.

You just let her hold you. It was bringing her some form of comfort and that was better than any of your awkward reassurance could do. Sometimes, silence had a way of bridging gaps that words couldn't cross.

You never figured out how Minjeong knew that you were spending all your lunches with her. It hadn’t occurred to you to ask Jimin, and you knew that asking Minjeong herself was out of the picture. Instead you shamelessly spent your time with Jimin, slowly but surely warming up to her. If someone were to watch you sitting together they would observe two things. One; Jimin was completely used to your presence to the point that you could walk in complaining about being cold and flop down in her lap, whining that she was hogging all the warmth, and two; you stared a lot and Jimin was either unaware, or plainly, just didn’t care.

Staring at Jimin was your purpose, you decided. No one could be as mesmerising as her, even from underneath, looking up at her chin. That’s where you were today, your head in her lap, her book resting on your chest. You were meant to be reading along with her, nodding everytime you ‘finished’ the page so she could turn it, but in reality you found your eyes drifting to her instead.

Her eyelashes are long; they flutter every so often, whether it be from her eyes moving line to line through the book, or to look down at you, looking up at her. Whenever your eyes met you quickly flicked them back to the book, fighting against the warmth on your cheeks.

At this point she’d know, right? You had given up on indicating that you had finished a page a couple turns ago and that meant she knew… right? But Jimin never said anything and nothing about her behaviour suggested that she cared.

So you kept looking. It was your purpose to observe her in her most comfortable form.

Your train of thought chugged along in a daze, studying the curve of her bottom lip when suddenly someone switched the lever for the tracks.

Shuffling in her lap, you softly pinched her arm to grab her attention. “Jimin?”

She finished off her sentence, then looked at you questioningly, a quiet noise of curiosity forming in the space between you.

“Why do you always come to the library?” You stared up at her. The thought had popped across your mind several times in the past couple weeks, once when seeing her actively avoiding a group of the people you consider her friends; another when you accidentally eavesdropped on some girls in the bathroom gossiping about the ‘Elusive Yu Jimin’.

She closed the book and let it rest on your chest. Looking away from you, she seemed to be considering something. Then she furrowed her brows and let out a little breath. “What was your first impression of me?”

Words came to your mind. Conceited. Spoilt. Teacher’s Pet. Fake. Calculating. You couldn’t admit that to her, so instead you just kept staring, frozen. She doesn’t prompt you further though, and your train of thought wanders again.

Jimin wasn’t any of those things; you had realised that weeks ago. In fact, sometimes you had the feeling that she was a little insecure about herself; occasionally a sad sort of look flashed across her eyes, one that you wished you’d never see again.

And you wished you had just spoken to her in P.E. instead of making assumptions about her. You missed out on so many moments that you could have had if you weren’t so superficial.

Then it hit you like a truck; the answer to your question.

Everyone knows Jimin. She’s pretty, she’s popular, she gets asked out once a week, she has good grades, she’s aloof, but never outright mean..

But no one knows Jimin.

Your mouth parted slightly, guilt forming a lump in your throat. To realise that you’d fed into it too? You hadn’t tried to get to know her, you’d just put her in a box and moved on with it.

She finally makes eye contact with you. A hint of unease swirls in them. You shut your mouth.

Then you decide to stop being such a pussy and front up. “I thought you were kind of a bitch.”

Her mouth drops.

“I don’t anymore!” You clarify quickly. “I just… assumed. You’re like so…” You bring your hand up from where it rests on your stomach to motion at her. She worries at her lip. “You give off the vibe that you’d tell me to fuck off if I wasn’t up to your standards.”

Jimin only stares at the book on your chest.

You groan, thinking you’ve majorly fucked up. “Jimin… you know how much I hate admitting that I’m wrong.”

She sways her head, still keeping her eyes only on the book.

“I was wrong about you.” You force out and finally her eyes meet yours.

“You’re anything but a bitch. You’re sweet and kind and funny and stupidly gorgeous, and I get it, you know, why so many people line up for a chance with you. Why you come here with a bouquet or a box of chocolates every other day.” You reach up to hold her cheek from below. “But I also understand why you don’t like being the subject of all that attention. Everyone just assumes what they want about you, like you’re a prize to be won. Or that you’re a stuck up narcissist who thrives on all the attention. Or that you even like bouquets.” Jimin giggles softly at your words, gazing down at you softly with her pretty brown eyes.

“And I was one of those people too. I regret it, but I can’t change that.” Your voice comes out determined, like you’re trying to prove to her that you’ve changed your perspective on her.

She looks down at you, gaze unwavering as she considers her next words.

"You’re sweet," she begins, her voice gentle. "But I do like flowers… as long as they’re from the right people." Her fingers trace absentminded patterns on the cover of the book resting on your chest.

There’s a beat of silence.

“And if I gave you one?” You ask hesitantly.

Jimin’s lips pull into a smile and this time you know it’s not fake.

“It’s for Jimin, right?” Minjeong stares at the bouquet in your hands.

Both Chaeyoung and Yena whip their heads around to stare at you. “For Jimin? Yu Jimin?”

You flush brightly. Considering a couple months earlier you wanted nothing to do with the girl, you supposed it was a bit of a surprise for them.

Chaeyoung grabs you and shakes your shoulders. “Did you hit your head? Do you have amnesia?”

“No, and no.” You laugh softly. “I just never gave her a chance. You know how it is.”

Minjeong pokes your arm and points to a figure in the distance. You perk up, instantly recognising Jimin from the way she walks. About to take a step towards her, Minjeong grabs your wrist and you turn to look at her questioningly.

“Is now the time to say I told you so?”

A/N: stop putting jimin in slytherin she doesn't belong there

#!! dreamy’s pieces #aespa #karina x reader #yu jimin x reader #yu jimin #kpop oneshots #kpop imagines #idol x reader #kpop x reader #aespa imagines #aespa x reader #yoo jimin x reader #yoo jimin

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interstellarsystem · 4 months

Text

Experiences With Being Out as a System

So, our parents know we're a system. It's all good, they understand that when we suddenly speak like someone from London that it's just another guy taking the body for a spin real quick and that they don't need to question it too much.

The thing is... They don't know our names, or anything about us as individuals. We don't have enough open communication with them to actually discuss the inner-workings of the hundreds of little guys in our brain and who they are or what they like, but even if we did, it's not actually important to them. It almost seems like it's swept under the rug.

Our mother said that she doesn't get why she should have to know anyone else when we're all "us". We're all just a collective to her still, a bunch of bits that make up her child, even though she knows we're separate. Her child, the original, isn't here anymore. But the thing is.. some of us want to get to know her and the family individually. Even beyond just being seen as who we actually are, we want to be a part of it aside from being treated as someone who is gone. But it's not a thing they understand despite our explanations of what it means to us, even despite the fact they know the original is dormant and has been for years.

The most anyone in our family knows about us is our mother, and she only knows anyone with a voice similar to Sark as "the american one". She doesn't know that there's even multiple who sound similar to him.

Technically, we're out as a system. Effectively, though... We're still closeted. Though not really because we're staying in it, moreso that we left but it follows us around like a shield within our own household, but it's not shielding us. It's shielding them from us.

Our experience with talking to medical professionals has been hard because of this--sharing bits about ourselves has been scary. It's scarier to show them pictures of our nonhuman headmates and say "that one is me", but it's never actually been bad when we've mustered up the strength to do it. One of them looked at Mal and saw his horns and said he looks like a faun from Greek mythology. Even though he's not, a positive response like that was empowering. That same one said Filigree's hair was cool. Little acknowledgements about who you are when you've tried to be seen before is great.

With our IRL friends, we expected the situation to be similar to our parents. Swept under the rug like a taboo and given weird, uncomfortable looks when spoken about. But it's been completely different.

We get asked who is fronting, we get acknowledged as separate people, hell, we even felt comfortable telling them about our actual fictive identities and letting the ones who wanted to follow this blog (hey guys if you're reading this <3) get access to it. They acknowledge our nonhumanity and nonhuman parts, share things about our sources with us because it reminded them of us, etc. Sometimes, now, because we've been open about it, we get people actually ask "is x fronting" and we say yes and they say "I knew it".

That specific feeling of being recognised even when your outward appearance doesn't change is absolutely amazing. Little manerisms, little ways our voice sounds even when masking accents out in public, even the words we choose to use are tells toward who is actually controlling the body and they pick up on it--even things we might not recognise we even do. Sure, there's hundreds of people in here and people won't know every single one off by heart, but the ones who are out here often are being recognised and that, to me, is amazing and validating to all of us.

I guess the point here is me sharing our experiences, but also.... You will be able to find people who see you for you. You as a system, you as a nonhuman, you as a disabled person, you as a queer person--you'll be able to find your people. And you know, I hope you do soon--because the feeling of being known is great.

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yourpsicodelicbitch · 5 months

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juno signs and their specific love language🦋🪷 pt2

Lovely Complex

juno shows us what’s the style that functions better with you -relationships, meaningful committed partnership-, the characteristics of our ideal partner and more.

birth chart + tropical + whole sign system

Taurus

FIRST OF ALL, you don’t play around-yes you do but-, you want someone loyal to their values, someone that will listen to your stubbornness -stubborn thoughts/mind-. you want a GENTLEMAN on whoever you like -ik gentleman is originally referred to men but my intention it’s there-, you want someone that’s drooling for you and shows how attentive they’re without shame. HEAR ME OUT, someone with MONEY or in other words, that can prioritize you economically and takes their time on giving you gifts -flowers, makeup, chocolates, cheesy stuff-. someone that has the ability of transmitting peace in all your bullshit. someone who seems, at first sight, like a junkie? who appears intimidating but then you get to talk to them a few times and realize they’re genuinely a sweetheart. taurus juno will spend like nothing money on you, specially on food, they’ll share it 😭 -idk if it’s just my experience-. this is not beating the taurus allegations. most of the time individuals with juno in taurus have this calm and too much energy that needs to be recharged with their special one.

Libra

they have to be esthetically appealing or have this venusian sense of things, fashion, hygiene, even k how to choose the right t-shirt for an outfit -jk-. they need someone who brings them balance, the balance they seek in all the aspects of their life, including their ideal partner. they LOVE seeing their partner walking and say “hi” to everyone and being reciprocated: social butterfly. practically, being conscious of how to treat people, emotionally intelligent that’ll benefit them in the social aspect. They seek someone who has charisma, who has a sense of justice and consideration, like how almost every prince of disney is presented: the idealized version. idk why I imagine ryan evans from high school musical smirking when libra juno it’s mentioned 😭. you need someone who helps you to feel part of something, not to feel excluded, you want to be in peace. YOU FUCKING LOVE CLICHE STUFF, even if you won’t admit it. someone who let you be a drama queen and will keep it cool with it. your specific love language is to help them in their outfits, in their hygiene, even haircut. idk there’s something so idealized in how libra juno loves, they admire their partner so much.

Leo

personally, sometimes I get pretty confused when they describe what a libra wants and what a leo wants in their ideal partner, the thing here is that leo needs someone who would see them as who they’re; on the other hand, libra is not needy of that treatment, they want someone who would fit perfectly on that space they need to balance their life. leo juno needs and they’re attracted to someone who’s the center of attention without even trying, talented asf, someone who will treat you like you’re their world, who will value and recognize the things you do for others and how you care about people, who would do the same for you. they’ll make you feel as special as you fcking are. leo juno needs expression, affirmation to feel in harmony. THE ATTENTION their ideal partner will give is crucial. they don’t want someone that’s comfortable to be around, they want someone who could practically be their enemy, who match their energy, who’s as competitive and as talented as them. leo juno specific love language is showing you towards others as your partner/special person. this Juno knows their value.