#yes i am a hard top

[transmascissues]

just had my 3 week post-op and i’m officially done with the bandages! i’m so glad i can really enjoy my chest now and not have it covered up 99% of the time. i still can’t believe how good it already looks, shoutout to my surgeon for doing a fucking incredible job.

#have i tried really hard to keep myself anonymous on this account the whole time ive had it? yes #am i going to keep posting pictures of my results anyway even if it means someone could recognize me from elsewhere on the internet? yeah #the gender euphoric urge to post my results everywhere no matter what will always be stronger than anything else #top surgery adventures #top surgery #top surgery results #double incision #trans man #transmasc

[non-un-topo]

My Neekeys over the last two-odd years. I was curious to see the changes 🤔

#forgive the low quality dfghfds it was just an experiment #now to do the DRAW ANYONE ELSE challenge #siggy draws #he is my blorbo. my muse. i guess #don't get me wrong. i am CRINGING and SWEATING at just the thought of uploading this. #have i been drawing almost every day my entire life? yes. does my style still change all the time? yes! #and i'm mostly self-taught so i struuuuggle a lot. i'll finally admit that reference pictures help immensely. no shit lol. #i learned a lot in the last 2 years!!! there are some really ugly ones i didn't show but i kept the cringe old ones sdfghfds help. #i mean they're still here on tumblr so i can't exactly hide them #you can kind of see when i actually started to use reference pictures. and when i got more used to using a tablet #idk digital art is so hard. it's a whole other world. but i'm in it now and haven't drawn traditionally in forever #i can also literally see how i used to CRUSH my nibs while drawing. all those really thin lines?? i pressed too hard lol #i've actually kept all my nibs since i started drawing digitally and....... it's too many fghfds #that one slightly more realistic nicky in the bottom right of the first collage lmaooo. i should finish him... maybe... it's haaard. #the top right on the first collage and bottom right on the second one are good comparisons ;_; they're both pirate!nico gifts for lily!! #i'm feeling sentimental now omg

[thewinedarksea]

we went to iceland!

#it was our 5th year anniversary trip. yes we went the first week of october yes i am posting this more than a month later this is bc im #allergic to social media and will forget for weeks on end. it is a miracle this is getting posted at all. #anyways!! iceland is the most beautiful country ive ever been to. literally in love. incredible time. most of these are from reykjavik #proper. top left is the view right across from our hotel (haunts me still I Miss Her). middle is black sand beach. top middle is me and my #most beautiful wife who didnt like her face in this so she is instead a heart (tragic bc i looked amazing in this set). #pls know that every picture that i will be posting my wife took bc she is a camera GODDESS (all from her phone bc she does hard mode). dont #ever make the mistake of thinking i am posting my pics i cannot take them and they always come out blurry #everyone *suffered* with my snapchats and then i went and posted the Good Ones #we did an escape room in reykjavik too--mafia-themed it was great--and walked all over and ate a great deal and saw so very many cats. huge #fan of all the cats. #prepare for spam #iceland trip #mine.txt #my face #i think is my tag? #i reach for you in the night

[front-facing-pokemon]

#this one's like a fucking mystery. who's that pokémon?? what pokémon is this?? you can't fucking tell unless you open the cut or read below #where i tag what pokémon it is. i think i'm gonna put this one's tags above the actual name of the pokémon just to throw y'all for a loop #because this one? i don't even KNOW what counts as front-facing. i'm ASSUMING it's the top one?? but the prey eyes are just #unbelievable so i included that one under the cut. i don't even know if i can consider that “prey eyes” at this point. what is this thing?? #what's the thing protruding?? a mouth?? it doesn't lend itself to making it look any more like a moon! it just— it just protrudes!! #i really just don't understand. what or why this pokémon is or exists. what type is it? pure psychic? #nnnNNAURP rock/psychic. can't believe i forgot about the rock typing considering the way that guy with the solrock in swsh #raid battles used it. whatever i think i've successfully revealed what pokémon this is by now #lunatone #and yes‚ i know now that zangoose walks on all fours in pmd. THANK YOU!!! FOR TELLING ME. EVERYONE ON TUMBLR #i got it when the first person told me. i looked them up. i saw them. with my eyes. i feel like i've talked about pmd enough in these tags #and in asks that i've answered that you all should know how much of a pmd fan i am by now but i guess it's GOOD TO CONFIRM #perhaps no one really does read these tags. unless they have an opportunity to correct me. lasered in on that #i'm not like mad i'm just like WOW everyone told me. that is SO many people telling me after the first one did and i know SO hard #anyway. i'm gonna go remove these tags from the dusclops post. pphhhheew

[nguyenfinity]

guess who racked up 11-12 hours on genshin today

#and 9 hours yesterday #i'm not new just. behind #like. i literally just did kazuha's second story quest yesterday #and caught up on scara's interlude quest and did the entire summer event story today #i really do like genshin as a game i just have a gripe here and there with some design and qol stuff #contrary to popular belief i actually am into stuff other than gay idols. #actually i miss talking about genshin. the story and small details are just so fascinating #before getting into en/stars i was the lore gremlin #my favorite npcs are indarias (fire yaksha) and chiyo (raiden's oni friend) #bonanus (hydro yaksha) is also cool i like her claws (yes i remember the yaksha names off the top of my head.) #favorite lore of the regions uhhhhhh hard toss up between the 5 yakshas and tsurumi island #after kaveh i kinda lost interest in the characters they were rolling out and i'm kinda on the fence about fontaine rn #but chlorinde and navia are interesting enough to me #i am not immune to strong pretty women #magic pretzel #comic #i should post comics more

[that-gay-guy-from-hell]

Oh hey look-! It's the Blue Man Group!

TLT Masterlist

#Im too tired to come up with a funnier joke rn lmfao #So... Im alive! #Been busy and just... emotions #(like I was on the verge of tears today because i dropped a pen... lol) #But here's some art WIP for y’all #Heard some snippets of Rust’s album and I am so hyped #Like i am gonna go donate plasma so i have the extra cash to buy it asap when it's released #but anyways #I spent nearly 4 hours between 2 days just staring at human skeletons; spines are hard to draw #and YALL CANT EVEN SEE MOST OF IT- #Bonus points for those of you who know what 2 Necronomocons Doc’s book is a combo of #I missed drawing this handsome blue bastard (lovingly) #*pats him on the top of his head* #I love him so so much #/pos..? I guess lol #the living tombstone #tlt #tombsona #Doc #Doc tlt #tlt Doc #the living tombstone Doc #Doc the living tombstone #digital art #digitalart #WIP #art wip #fan art #(color wheel meme WIP btw-- yes i know i started this MONTHS ago *places a finger on your mouth* shhh its our secret) #also the quality drop is abhorrent wtf lmao-- Should be a bit better than the OG but still is a bit wonky smh

[oflgtfol]

like sorry i do think there is a CRIMINAL lack of bottom symby and it kinda bugs me i once again made yet another top symby fic but like. like. hello. hello. its dark in here

#so like if ever do make another one it'll be that #like god 1. symby NEEDS LOOOOOOOOOOVE #so much of this fandom and the sexualization of symbrock is in the monster fucking arena and like #i literally cannot blame you but also symby is its own person . where are the character studies... the love... the affection.... #so like in this fic yes its top symby but i tried so so so hard to do it in a different type of way #bc like sorry .sorry. big giant shapeshifting alien. i am not immune #BUT THEN 2. like i did so much exploration of the weird body physiology shit here #JUST IMAGINE WITH SYMBY AS THE FOCUS !!! #you can do SO MUCH WEIRD SHITTTTTTTTT #ITS A GOO ALIEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i need eddie to fucking knead that thang like bread dough #who said that . #brot posts #v posting #sorry everyone im having an insane week im insane right now

[thelastspeecher]

apparently one of my cousins was just accepted into a master's writing program at an Ivy League school

and that's why I almost never go on Facebook 🙃

#look. do I even think I could handle a master's in writing at an Ivy League? #.....I mean. I think so. I managed a master's in geoscience at one of the top geology schools in the nation. #(....''managed'' is doing some VERY heavy lifting there lnjasdknf) #but do I want to do that? no. #do I still feel weird and like I'm wasting my life and everyone else is more accomplished than me? yes. #it does help a bit that the cousin in question has outright told me her success is in large part from her father pushing her v hard #(he did the same thing to her siblings) #and that she kinda fucking hates how she was pushed to succeed so much #like I don't wish that on anyone but it does help me to put into context her success. it comes at a cost. like everything else. #and to be frank it's not a cost I'm willing to pay at this point in my life. #I still feel weird and uhhhhh incompetent I guess would be the best word tho #also like I'm wondering why she's going to an Ivy League when she's already at one of the top writing schools #maybe distance from her family....in which case. godspeed cuz. #ANYWAYS I have a v accomplished family that I at times feel inferior to despite my own accomplishments #and no that has no influence on my OC Angie's own similar feelings why would you think that #(my family would be upset if they knew I felt inferior btw no one makes me feel bad other than my own brain) #(I have a v loving and supportive family and am v blessed to have them~) #whine whine whine

[bluesidedown]

hnggghhggg

#just realized a little too hard that im packing my entire life up into a single suitcse and hitting the road for a month. in a month. #im also turning 24 in a month #both of these things perturb me in some direction or another. #its also 1030pm but i am Vibrating unfortunately #also realized vividly today that ill be attending my college graduation less than 48hrs after landing back in canada #and that will be after 30+ hours in transit coming directly from a 12 hour time difference #so that'll be fun #not really how i imagined graduating when i started my freshman year? #actually dear lord i could not have fathomed Being Here when i was 19 and starying college #i remember hearing about the program im currently doing and thinking 'wow that's incredibly cool but im just not the kind of person #who can do that sort of thing' #i still periodically have moments where i just look around and have to be like Yes I Really Am Here #and yeah turning 24. in a month. that's far too grown up of an age for how i feel inside. #and yeah trvaelljng to 5 vountires in a month again? wild. #didnt think anything could top seeing the great pyramids for out of body wild experiences And Yet. we sure are gonna be going some places. #also being in a serious relationship huh. didnt think this was going to happen until i was 35 if ever. #skmeone needs to tell me why my brain decided to watch wedding dress youtube shorts today with a vague expectation that might be relevant #to my life within a decade. #so yeah all that to say my life feels fucking insane to me. #I Am Not Qualified For This Experience Help #(this is not entirely negative im just ??????)

[clone-jail]

Do you ever see a bird and get lost in dreaming about what that would be like? They sit on their branch in the morning, watching people walk their dogs and kids laughing and maybe someone puts some birdseed out for them. Maybe they hop around in the dirt and look for worms or little bugs. They sit high up in a bush and puff out their little feathers to soak up the sunshine.

And when that’s done, they fly around to a new spot and start all over again.

#it was a black capped chickadee by the way #and yes i am having a hard time lmfao #but anyway chickadees are arguably a top five cutest bird #and maybe clinging to that bit of happiness they bring me will power me through

[bitchfitch]

why is it that every time my life goes to shit my first impulse is to mod a zine. My brain goes "Wow things are bad and stressful and awful in every way. Wanna add something even more stressful and less fun than the things you are failing to keep up with already?"

#hello NTBD writing group. i am haunted by the vote form i still need to make. as soon as i have my fucking lapped. top. it will be made #i should be finally getting it back tomorrow or the next day. but ive been being told i will get it back 'soon' for. almost a month now #yes this is the least effective possible way to communicate this information. but consider this: i cant 9penbthat server without having a #honest to god panic attack bc of this. Yes this is a brain goblin issue. Yes i am trying so hard to strangle them vut they are winning #anyways uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[ink-of-a-thousand-currents]

One thing about me is that I personally do not believe in pairs with a completely set outcome. I don't like when pairs have kids that all look exactly the same. I understand why people have them and absolutely won't knock it! But I personally prefer to push the bounds and press pairs as far as they can go with what looks good.

This is in a similar vein to I No Longer Like Doubles Or Triples As Much. I have a few XXY pairs from a while ago and they're probably all I'm ever going to have. Now, I have pairs that can have XXY or XYY or whatever kids. But they're not going to be guaranteed.

I'm also a believer in the Unique. In the Never Before Done, or at least not very common. My pairs are pretty distinct combinations, whether in genes, colors, or both.

This is all, of course, a roundabout way of saying "I love making things difficult on myself and this is why I have so many stupid breeding projects and no lair space."

#flight rising #YES im coming up with more pair ideas. like an idiot. #YES. I AM IN FACT SUFFERING. WHY DO YOU ASK. #sometimes im like 'oh yeah i bet this color combo won't be too hard to get' WRONG. #WOE ONLY 8 DRAGONS STILL ONSITE WITH THESE COLORS AND THEY'RE ALL EITHER PERMAS OR INACTIVE #hhhhghgg trying to save up money. next time Water has top dom i rlly SHOULD focus on main lair expansions #on the bright side im pretty close to getting another pair. i have one half and a really good chance of breeding the other half

[birdy-bird27]

TFW you are questioning your future because how much you fucking hate school and the workload associated with it

#just university things 🤪 #the only reason why I’m sticking to full time schedule is becuase of scholarships #that way I don’t have I pay for school #but god I want to drop to part time student so fucking bad #vent #rant #I’m doing good at least 8 hrs of hw every day #oh yes also work on top of that #just fuck me I guess #this is such a poor me issue I’m sorry #like wow I’m forced to attend university full time so I get to do classes for free poor me #I am just having such a hard time balancing my work load #I don’t even like business why tf am I getting a bachelors in it #I know why it’s becuase im already now 3 years invested into it and I get to do it with no cost to me #do I really want to be stuck in some soul sucking corporate job rest of my life? #is this my career? #what the fuck am I doing with my life #I don’t know anymore #I’m jdut trying to make it day by day #try not be crushed by overwhelming sadness of our current reality I guess #AGHHHH

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

new vision for kinktober: lesbians

#maybe i want to draw lesbians #maybe i love women #maybe i love women and want to draw lesbians #so far i've got uhhhh 3 fully-finished pieces and 2 are L and one is Light and i got a bunch w multiple people that i haven't even inked ye #so so behind #but i have motivation: lesbians #i hope to do some rarepairs #rn i'm doing kiyomisa #i def want to do mikalight #and i'm doing beyondlawlight (is that their name? idk) #remisa is totally happening i just have to remember how to draw rem #def meronia & nearlymellodramattic but i haven't started either yet :/ #thinkin about doing terratio too but ryuk is hard to draw #i also wanted to write a fic for one prompt but it's coming too soon and i am slow at writing fiction #i'll write you a whole 5 page essay in one sitting but fiction? pain and suffering. give me half a year #though tbh i have so much shit to do and i've been feeling very lay-in-the-floor-and-make-decisions-that-make-everything-worse atm #so i probably won't get to do all that i've planned #my head just feels so full rn. too full. i just want to go in the sun and dance around and look at cool bugs #but alas it is nighttime and i am feeling too ugh to dance about and there are no cool bugs #my top list of things that make life better are being withheld i am going to resort to going to sleep for 12 hours i think #after drawing lesbians obvi

[simmonsized]

I'm gonna have to start making my own skirts and dresses I think 8( it's getting increasingly hard to find silhouettes I like and certainly not in the size or fabric I want

#i know everyone is gaga for that one style of dress but the fuckin #babydoll top is not it for me man i hate it #i am five foot eight and long in the waist and i cannot find anything that will fit me #that isn't poorly made or polyester and overpriced #life is so hard 8'( #i don't WANT to have to do it myself #yes I can but i don't WANNA!!!!

[cream-and-tea]

LAY ME DOWN. chapter seven excerpt. unedited. featuring: agnes taking some time to explore her new surroundings and reflect on her old ones. blasphemy. implied homophobia. religious trauma. mild injury.

[Transcript under the cut]

hiiii! we’ve had pallas’s existential gender ponderings so it’s only fair that i post something that features much more heavily in the plot: Agnes And The Ongoing Sexuality Crisis! now go and listen to hallelujah (in your arms) by semler at least 50 times to accurately recreate the experience i had writing this chapter <3

TAGLIST (ask to be +/-). @vellichor-virgo​ @nicola-writes​ @doctormoss​ @gerbermatter​ @cactusprincewrites @houndmouthed @muddshadow @just-wublrful @midnights-melodiverse @corkywantstowrite @paradisiacalshroud @andromedatalksaboutstuff @kingsinking @lungs-and-gills @lychniscitrus @phantomnations

This isn’t the first time she’s dreamt of girls. 

Agnes considers that fact as she pulls everything out of the chest sitting at the foot of the bed (spare bedding mostly, sheets and quilts and pillowcases— multiple of each—and at least one heavy coat). They’ve never felt like that before though, clear and cold like water running over her skin, so obviously there. Most of the time she doesn’t even remember the other ones, just the feeling of them, waking up part ashamed and part euphoric (the euphoria always wore off long before the shame).

Agnes checks under the bed, then opens and closes the drawer on the end table, scoots it over to peer behind it, not really sure what she’s looking for. Secret passages maybe? Hidden traps? Something to let her know what the rules are here. 

There are, in her experience, at least three kind of rules in the world: the kind that people will tell you up front, the kind that they expect you to just know about and act surprised when you don’t, and the kind that they never say out loud but you can feel somewhere in your bones must be followed at all costs (We don’t talk about how Agnes sees ghosts and we don’t talk about how Agnes thinks about girls both fall into this category). Normally it takes her way too long to figure out which are which, she can’t afford to do that here where everything is already so confusing. 

Pallas would probably know all the rules, if she can find them, if they don’t make her brain explode when she does. Pallas had seemed to know everything about whatever this place is. What would they think of the girl in her dreams? They’re a weird and very sharp sort of person, she thinks, not really anything in particular at all. A why more than a what. If they weren’t definitely going to murder her if she looked at them wrong she would ask about that. 

There’s nothing in the desk but pencils, pens and a stack of notebooks. There’s nothing under the rug or behind the dresser filled with clothes that all look her size. The bookshelf is half full of titles she doesn’t recognize. She’s too weak to climb up to and push aside the strange painting of a human-faced deer full of arrows that hangs over the fireplace. When she limps her way to the bathroom the tub is still full and stagnant from when she filled it the night before but her clothes have mysteriously vanished from their crumpled pile on the floor. 

Agnes sways, then sits on the edge of the bathtub to appease her screaming ankle. She swings one leg into the water, hoping that will somehow help the pain, presses the heels of her hands into her eyes. “Okay. Okay okay okay.”

Things she knows: This is a library in a forest a long time after libraries stopped being something people thought about (her mother is dead). This library is supposedly full of people like her and people like Pallas (her Papá is gone). It’s going to teach her about what she is (her mother is dead). It’s not going to be easy (her mother is dead). She shouldn’t tell anyone her name (her mother is dead). The Library is supposed to save the world. (her Papá is gone). There are doors in trees that lead to tunnels that lead to here and things that look like dogs but aren’t and people that can bend blood and flesh and a Director who’s office sits in the void with a sword hanging above it in suspended animation (her Papá is gone and her mother is dead her Papá is gone and her mother is dead but somehow she is alive alive alive).

Things she doesn’t know: How exactly The Library is going to save the world. What The Library knows about the men in white. Where the men in white could have taken Papá. How these people can teach her about ghosts. How this place stands untouched in a forest that consumes everything around it. Why the girl in her dreams was asking her to find her. Whether or not there will be people her age here. Why the dogs and the Director and the librarian remind her of what the men in white did to her mother. Where her clothes went. If she’ll ever see Pallas again or if they’ve left her for good. If God hates her or not. Why there’s a sword in the Directors office. If there’s a place she can get food. If there’s any point to the deer painting or if it’s there just to creep her out. 

The closest thing they’d had to art on the walls back home was a wood-burned etching of the Virgin Mary that sat propped on a shelf above the kitchen table. Papá had made it for Mother for some anniversary and it really was very beautiful, dark line’s swirling across polished cedar. Her mother loved it and Agnes loved it too, there was something mesmerising about how the natural whorls and grain of the wood mixed with scratchy charcoal dark swirls. She’d liked the way the Mother of Gods eyes were ever so slightly downcast, as if she wanted to look at you but couldn’t quite bring herself to. Agnes could relate to that. And then one night when she was thirteen and everything seemed awful forever she’d gone to bed late after too little time spent with Mother and too much time wandering with the ghosts and dreamt that the carving had come alive. 

Mary had still been the colour of wood in the dream, but soft to the touch, human and wrapped in flowing fabric. Agnes had been standing barefoot and bareshouldered in the middle of the kitchen and Mary had knelt in front of her very very close and Agnes had used to clumsy hands to move the veil from her hair and the Blessed Virgin's hair had come loose around her face and she’d put her carvedgirl hands on either side of Agnes’s face. 

Then Mary had said nos diligimus, quoniam ipse prior dilexit nos and put her lips close to Agnes’s and Agnes had woken up screaming like someone had doused her with boiling oil. 

This, obviously, woke her parents, but she’d been too sick with horror and shame to lie so instead had sobbed out everything into Papá’s shoulder. Then Mother had begun to talk in the high and strung out way that there was something very, very wrong and Papá had sent her to sit on the steps outside in the gnawing February air where she’d pressed her hands to her ears and her snot-streaked face to her knees, trying to block out the sound inside while a dead woman and her barely-there son had pressed to either side of her, trying to be comforting but really only making her colder.

She felt about the same then as she does now, half-awake and shuddery and like she could make one wrong move and the world would collapse in screaming fire around her, well-worn prayers buoying in her heavy head, bits of wood carried along by a torrent of floodwater.

Oh Lord, what’s happening to me.

Oh Lord, why why why why why.

#listen ok. listen it was so hard to decide which warnings to put at the top of this one #how dare i say can i accurately sum up ‘so one of my first Gay Awakening moments was with the wood burned carving of the virgin mary my pa #rents kept in our kitchen. yeah it was kind of hot. yeah it scarred me for life’ #i think i did well considering the circumstances lol #and yes despite this being in chapter 7 agnes will take the majority of the book to admit she likes girls #not that i blame her but babygirl. sweetheart. pls take a moment and sit down and think #it’s so funny bc for the entire story pallas is like i am so Brooding and Traumatized #i have Secrets That Must Never See The Light Of Day i am lying to myself at all times #meanwhile agnes is operating at a baseline repression level they can’t even DREAM of #it’s the growing up catholic <3 #wip: ghost story #creme does a writing