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3desiderium3 · 3 years

Text

For your love

chapter six - Spring day

[ series masterlist ]

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pairings : reader x damiano david

story summary : damiano and reader are in very loving relationship that sometimes almost too quickly becomes too toxic for anyone likings

chapter warning (s) : this is sad af i made myself sad once again , some strong language and violent behavior , mentions of alcoholism , suicide and depression

They say healing takes time .

For Y/N time felt cruel . It was cold and slow .

It felt like winter . Y/N hated winter . That cold cruel and monstrous time of the year always left deep cuts on her brain and her soul . Every year for her was separated in 2 parts .

One was surviving the winter and having to deal mentally with all the problems and abnormally painful experiences . Constantly drowning .

The other part was trying to swim out of that freezing lake of trauma before she suffocated .

She hated the winter cause that was the time Damiano and her met .

She was never going to erase that day from her head and she was never going to forget each individual pain she felt in that period .

The pain he caused .

She always felt so melancholic and dizzy in that time of the year . Lost . Alone . Fragile .

One and half month has passed since she left Damiano and that month felt exactly like winter.

' I miss you

Saying this only makes me miss all you more

Even though I'm looking at your photo

Time's so cruel , I hate us

It's all winter here , Even in August '

She didn't hear a word from him . From almost no one actually . She disconnected from the real world fully . Only keeping the contact with Thomas , her parents and Vic of course .

Ethan had a hard time figuring out on his own what was happening . But he remained silent .

He didn't wanted to pick up the bleeding wound .

Y/N spent that month in her room . Crying . Trying not to focus on the sharp pains in her chest each night as she would listen over and over again Damiano's voice messages and Måneskins songs . She restored all the deleted pictures . She stopped eating and drinking water . She was just smoking in her bed and sleeping next to an overfill ashtray . Her hair always greasy and tied up . Her eyelashes always soaked up in tears . She avoided human touch the best she could .

Thomas was trying so hard to get her out of that depressive state along with Victoria .

They failed each time . And every other .

So they stopped forcing what the couldn't get .

Måneskin wasn't having rehearsals yet . Well I mean they did sometimes . But without Damiano .. Not because they weren't in touch but because every time they schedule one he cancels it .

He never showed actually up . Always having some lame excuses behind him .

Y/N was constantly playing their shared memories in her head like a dusty retro movie .

It was all she was thinking about . Nothing else . Everything was black and non existing beside him .

Just him .

How is he ? Did he ate today ? Is he sleeping well ? Is he having fun without her ? Is he with someone else ?

She often found herself lost in thoughts filled with suspicion , such as was he ever cheating on her etc etc .

The more time she spent with Victoria the more she became obsessed with an idea that Damiano and her used to have thing .

Some of Damiano's stuff appearing in her apartment such as jewelry and clothes .

An idea of going through Victoria's messages with him was also on her mind all day .

Y/N was always one click away from sending him that ' Hey I miss you , how you've been ? ' message . But always deleting it and putting her phone away .

When she was not thinking of him she was dreaming him . She was dreaming of his apologizes . All the things she wanted him to say to her he only spoke in a dream .

' I miss you

How long do I have to wait

How many nights do I have to pass

To see you ? '

Every day passed so slow because every day was the same .

She would woke up , trying to memorize and analyze all the dreams she had about Damiano , cry because she misses him and his sweet praises , maybe eat something , go back to bed and cry , smoke and drink , vomit if she feels like it , shake from all that stress until her stomach aches , cry and sleep for the rest of the day and at the end she goes back to sleep while thinking of him and later on dreaming of him .

Very often she questioned if this was the best option . Was it a good thing that she just went ? Was it a good thing that she broke up ? Maybe she should've given him second chance .. Maybe she should've at least tell him she planned on leaving , or leave a not whatever .

But he gave up so easily ..

He gave up ...

He never bothered finding her or searching for her ..

' I try to exhale you

Like white smoke

I say that I'll erase you

But I can't let you go yet . '

Y/N felt confused and like her tongue was cut off . She craved for some answers and explanations feeling like she was left unfinished with her words .

Would her even consider responding to her call ?

It was easy for her to explain how she felt but it was hard to understand .

She felt like she had her lungs overfilled with air , like someone kept pouring hot gelatin water on her head , like her bones where heavy , she was exhausted , paranoid , lonely , scared ...

But healing takes time ..

Already two full months passed . Y/N felt like the winter inside of her slowly started to turn into spring .

She gathered some hope for her , she felt like she was able to bloom and breath again .

The final day came . The day she left the house . Well the day she left her room . She washed her hair , she dressed nicely and cleaned up her disgusting room .

Victoria was proud . She almost shaded tears of joy . Her friend started the healing process and she was there by her side .

Y/N went in town to buy some simple groceries .

The day was hot and sunny , people had smiles on their faces . She hasn't landed a thought on Damiano for the past 2 or more days .

She was almost done with shopping when she entered one larger store to buy one single thing she couldn't find anywhere .

And oh boy ... She had what to see ...

She saw him . For the first time she saw him . How didn't she manage to spot his car outside ? Why today ? ?

She felt overwhelmed . Lump in her throat as her clothes became tight on her . She tried pretending she didn't saw him .

But she did . And she memorized every detail from his head to toe .

He looked flawless . No sight of fatigue on his face , no sight of suffer or regret . No nothing . He looked fine . Like he hadn't spent a night without sleep or day without shower . He looked fresh , rested and glamorous .

It awoke rage in Y/N . She was so sure he was feeling at least a bit of the pain she felt . But she saw that he was wrong .

That one fucking ingredient she needed was in a row in front of him , there was no way that he didn't saw her ..

She kept walking , gaze straight ahead pretending she didn't spotted him . But with the edge of her eye she saw him looking at her and making his direction towards her .

Y/N panicked . She practically ran towards the cashier and out of the store felling like all the air she felt overfilling her lungs disappeared .

" Do you need a drive ? " That voice . That velvety sweet voice sent chills to her spine , she was mad . So god damn mad that he was fine doing just fine . Who knows ? Maybe he even moved one with someone else by his side .

' Is it you who changed?

Or is it me?

I hate even this moment that is passing by

I guess we are changed

Just like everyone you know '

" I gotta go to another store it is really close . " Y/N tried lying . " Oh no problem I can drop you off . " He sounded so normal and casual .

Like they where fucking acquaintances not ex lovers .

At this point she didn't felt like resisting . So she just simply went in his car praying that there indeed was some store near .

" How've you've been Y/N ? " " Good. " There was a certain moment of silence . " And you ? " "Just the casual you know . I went to see Ethan this morning and I stopped by to buy bear there is a game tonight . "

" It's here . Thanks for the drop out . "

Y/N said and almost ran out of the car slamming it hardly behind her.

She entered that store and pretended to search for something until she saw him leaving behind the block .

She sighed , tears running gently down her cheeks . She felt so ashamed and so betrayed . How dumb was she actually ? Thinking that he cared for her . ' If he wanted to call he would do it . If he wanted to see how I was he would do it . '

Somehow she dragged herself back to Victoria's . She didn't shared a word with her as she was making her way back to her bed .

Back to that cold room . The room that smelled like winter .

* meanwhile damiano's p.o.v *

Damiano was not doing well . He was sleeping in his stuff that still barely had any of Y/N's fragrance left . In 2 months since their break up nothing good happened to him . He moved back in in his and Y/N's house . Keeping it clean and in peace . He pretended as if they never broke up . He started talking to himself pretending like Y/N was listening . He had no one to yell at .

He slept on her side of the bed , ate on the same spot at the table she used to sit . Read her books on her chair in living room . Sleep in her t-shirts , walk around the house in socks and her hoodies . He cried every damn night . It was eating him alive .

How he let her slip through his fingers . How he made her run away .

When he wasn't sad he was mad . He was cursing her he was yelling and shouting in an empty room . Because he was simply broken and sad . Disappointed and unsatisfied . Mad at himself .

At first he was so determined to find her . There was not a person he asked where she lived , with who she was staying , did she changed her number . He searched for her everywhere . The other band members didn't wanted to tell him however . They knew but they pretended like they had no idea even if they where in touch with her every day . He was slowly losing hope for her .

Even in those toughest moments he tried not to come out as too soft or caring . He never dared to let anyone know how he truly felt . He always pretended like he was doing okay and like he was fine like he didn't care . He put extra effort in his personal looks so it appeared like he was glowing .

But it was eating him out alive every night .

Where is she , how is she , is she alive , is someone taking care of her and her needs ?

' Yeah, I hate you

You left me

But I never stopped thinking about you

Not even a day

Honestly, I miss you

But now I’ll erase you

Because it hurts less than to blame you '

He prayed he could just see her one more time .

And his prayers have been granted . He saw her . He finally did .

She seemed tinier than he remembered , dark circles under her eyes and her posture bended . He offered to give her ride just so he could see where she lives . He wanted to know if she was safe .

After she rejected him coldly he turned around the corner and waited in his car until she was back in his sight walking towards the very familiar path .

He was trying his best to remember how he knew this path .

And once he saw her entering Victoria's house he bit his tongue . He was gripping the wheel with such force his knuckles went white .

' So she was the one hiding you from me . '

Then it clicked inside of his brain .

Thomas knew , Victoria knew and Ethan knew .

They all knew where she was . And no one wanted to help him reach her . They made a fool our of him that day , letting him go in their house while knowing she wouldn't be there .. They made a fool out of him every day when they told him that they had no clue where she was .

He sat there and smoked at least 3 cigarettes before driving off to Thomas's place .

He was going to make a scene .

Måneskin gathered at Thomas's house for the game night .

Damiano silently went in . Prepared for the cold war . Three of them sat on a couch in living room across the huge TV , laughing . " Ay man did you bought the bear ? " Thomas asked still smiling .

Damiano huffed . He was so annoyed , he walked closer to Thomas almost towering him .

" I will fucking kill you . " Those words where followed by Damiano slapping his friend and Victoria letting out loud scream . Ethan gasped and tried separating them .

These two where on the floor wrestling with each others hands around their necks .

" Daminao stop what is wrong with you for fucks sake ! " Victoria yelled . Once they separated , she was rubbing Thomas's back , the golden boy was all red in his face and his eyes teary .

" YOU FUCKING KNEW ! ! ! ALL OF YOU FUCKING KNEW ! " The other members watched their friend in shock as he was exploding from rage . This type of behavior he didn't surfaced in months .

" ALL OF YOU ! FUCKING KNEW ! WHERE SHE WAS , HOW SHE'S BEEN AND YOU HELPED HER GET AWAY FROM ME ! ! ! "

Not only Damiano was shouting but he was also crying .

He was crying and sobbing with his lips visibly shaking , his hands in his hair . This was the first time he cried in front of them in 2 months .

" I WAS THE WORST ! I STILL AM ! SHE DESERVED BETTER ! BUT NONE OF YOU WANTED TO TELL ME IF SHE IS EVEN ALIVE ! "

" Dami - " " SHUT UP ! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS IS ! "

He was breathing very hard now . Not only his lips but his whole body was shaking now . " I need her .. I need Y/N ... I will rather die than not be in her arms again .. I - I want her back .. "

The only sound in the room was the background TV sound . Thomas , Victoria and Ethan watching Damiano cry in front of them and scream his pain out . They felt guilty .

" I need to call her .. "

A/N i used BTS song spring day in few references . Hope you like it and leave a heart on if you do <33

taglist : @ella-nordstrm3 , @urskaa , @lovelysaltyland , @littleachaos , @whoreforhenrycavill , @13journals , @onceuponparrilla , @21nell , @davedace101 , @vainbimbo , @aliyeaz , @vandafabryova , @miriampraez , @foggyhottubcandy , @daringovangel , @inr89 , @fanfictioncafe , @mrsllshhb , @ over-themoon , @theclavvofaraven , @annika0-o , @thxtsclxssified , @goddessofthem0on , @ellabeth , @vandafabryova , @olivera-gajic

#damiano david #ethan torchio #eurovision italy #fanfic #relationship #thomas raggi #damiano maneskin #eurosong #eurovision #maneskin #victoria de an #victoria de angelis #love #breakup

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racheloveyunho · 3 years

Text

Till Death do us part - 2

Y/N grew up in a wealthy family, she always was seen as a beautiful and smart kid and was most likely to take her father’s place as the CEO of one of the most important companies in South Korea. However, after the death of her mother, Y/N’s family slowly started to break apart. Her father was always working to forget his uncalled pain while his kids were left alone at home.

She was 17 years old when her life took a sudden turn when she met him in a dark alley. He was a bloody mess, bruises everywhere but behind blood and dirt, she could see his beautiful features and his addictive gaze. Maybe she should have walked away, maybe she shouldn’t have helped him, but the moment his gaze locked with hers, she was already his.

Choi San was his name.

Genre: Mafia AU, smut, angst, fluff, stranger to lovers

Words: 2237

TW series: Y/N is described as an OC. Please be aware that this story will contain a lot of triggering content such as smut, blood, death, murder, drug, kidnapping, etc. Do not read if you are under a legal age!

TW chapter: Body shaming, reader being forced into a marriage, character got slapped, swearing, threats.

I was finally back home. Fortunately for me, my dad hadn’t noticed me since he was already sleeping on the couch.

I quickly went upstairs to my room and collapsed on my bed, my mind still processing what had happened earlier. It was scary to say the least but fascinating at the same time. I was still confused even after showering. This San had a deep effect on me, not only mentally but physically too.

“Choi San…” I muttered before closing my eyes and drifting into a deep sleep.

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Chapter 2

2 years after.

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Days and months went by so fast, I didn't even see them go by.

It has already been two years since my first meeting with San and since then, I didn't met him again. However, he was still on my mind, from the moment I woke up tired in the morning until the moment my head was hitting the pillow at night.

I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about him, his voice, his gaze, his touch, and the shivers he gave me when his mouth had come close to my ear.

"Hey sis’, what is going on? You had been absent-minded for a while and I still don't know why" Jin said with a hint of worry in his voice before he looked around, checking the surroundings to make sure we were alone "Is it because of dad?" he asked.

For the first time since our mother passed away, dad was at home for a whole month without any explanation. He was now working from home and even though It was something I dreamed of a few years ago, it was now so stuffy, I couldn’t breathe properly in my own house. Every single time I went outside of the comfort of my room, I silently prayed not to meet him, hoping that our house was big enough to let me avoid him.

"I'm fine but I'll be better if he wasn't around" I shrugged while looking at my plate "I'm not hungry today" I nonchalantly played with my food.

"Please force yourself and eat a little, you loosed too much weight recently" he furrowed his eyebrows with true concern in his soft brown eyes.

"I'm fine Jin, really! No need to worry for me" I stood up but felt a hand on my shoulder, stopping me in my track.

I turned around and saw my dad with his usual stern expression "Sit down." he calmly ordered.

I sat down without a word, I knew I was about to be lectured one more time.

"Why are you not eating?" my dad asked, voice sounding more as a threat than a question.

"Not hungry" I simply answered.

A long silence settled in the dining room, Jin and I were looking down, trying to avoid any eye contact with the man we referred to as our dad. I laughed internally at the situation, wondering if the kids in other families were afraid of their parents too.

"You don't have to eat if you don't want to, men love slim girls so it'll be good for you to start a diet." He stated, unbothered by the awkward silence.

I was annoyed by his remark 'how dare he' I thought 'Is he thinking my body is his?'

"I'll be dumb if I'd choose a man who loves me just for my body, I will not change anything for anyone" I retorted, Jin nodding in approval, visibly proud of me. But, my father didn’t seem pleased at all by my answer and my rebellious behavior.

"Well, I wasn't talking about any random man, but about your fiancé. He likes slim girls." my dad crossed his arms.

I shot a glance back at my father with wide eyes, he was smirking over my shocked expression, feeling visibly satisfied by the way he made me go silent.

"My fiancé? What are you talking about? I never had a boyfriend in my whole life, how could I have a fiancé?" I shouted, standing up from my chair which quickly and loudly fell on the ground.

"I chose a good boy for you, he is the son of a rich politician who will be useful to me and the future of my company. In two months, when you'll turn 20, you will marry him" he said, not sparing a glance at me as he busily taped on the screen of his new expensive phone.

My mouth was now wide open, and so was my brother's.

Jin stood up angrily, it was the first time I ever saw him defy our father's authority. His brown eyes who always seemed so soft to me were now darker than ever. The anger in his body was showing with his tensed muscles and the vein in his forehead that was angrily popping up. His jaw was so tight, I swore he could have been able to break his own teeth.

"What to do you mean she will marry him? Are you not concerned about your daughter's happiness? Can't you stop thinking about your work and think more about your family instead, for at least once in your life? That's why mom died! You-..." Jin got slapped by my father before he could even finish his sentence. Our father’s face was red and rage was visible through his eyes.

I gasped and kneeled myself to my brother's side, the impact was so hard that he was now laying on the ground, his right hand hiding his red cheek. Jin shot a death stare up at my father who was still standing in front of us.

"I heard that you want to integrate the Seoul national university, Y/N. You will need money for that, right? If you marry this man, I'll give you all the money you want. If not, you can already say goodbye to this dream of yours." he told me with a harsh voice "Think well cause your birthday is coming up" he added before exiting the room.

I collapsed on the floor, tears were stinging my eyes and blurring my vision. Jin hugged me tightly and patted my back, whispering sweet nothings to my ear to comfort me the best he could.

I hid my head on his neck and cried silently, I hated this, hated this situation, hated this life. I was like a bird trapped in a silver cage.

I ate nothing for the rest of the day after my dad had announced my upcoming wedding.

I still couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. How come a father could do this to his only daughter? Wasn't he supposed to love and cherish me?

It was Saturday and after a lazy morning, I finally stood up to do my daily routine. I put the prettiest dress I had on my dressing and put natural makeup on. I tried my best to cover up my dark circles and hide the exhaustion in my face caused by a long night of crying.

Today, my best friend Hana and I, planned to hang out together for a shopping day. It was the best way for me to think about something else than my current situation.

I took a look at my phone and saw her message "Hey honey, I'm waiting in front of your house~" I read before smiling and joining her outside the house, in front of the big gateway.

"Wow, you are stunning! Why is that? You're going to meet this San again?" She smiled widely.

Hana is the first friend I ever made in my life, I first met her when I was just 6 years old and she always stayed by my side even when I went through hard times. Her cheerful personality and her warm smile made her easy to get along with, she was the best at socializing, she was literally a burst of energy by herself and never failed to make me crack up a smile even when I wasn’t in a good mood. She made everyone feel attracted to her, she wasn’t only nice and outgoing but beautiful and funny as well. Her short and messy hair were completing her chubby cheeks and her brown eyes. Her tall frame and perfect curves made everyone drool over her, men and women.

She knew everything about my life. When something happened to me, she was the first one I talked to.

"I already told you! I know nothing about him, I don't even have his phone number, how could I meet him?" I pouted before laughing playfully.

We took the first bus we saw and headed downtown.

"It's a shame he isn't on any social media" she whined loudly "Dude, don't get me started" I answered, almost complaining.

During the bus ride, I talked once again about how I felt about San and the gorgeous charisma he had. Hana listened to me as if it was the first time I talked about this whilst I already told her a hundred times before.

Within ten minutes, we had reached our destination.

"Y/N! Look at this! I'm sure this top will fit you perfectly" I heard Hana yelling from the other side of the shop.

Everyone looked at us, some customers were judging us silently while others smiled, probably finding amusement in my friend’s behavior. I apologized to the other customers for the noise and quickly went to my friend's side, slightly embarrassed even though I was used to it. Hana didn't know the word "silent".

After 3 hours of shopping, I went outside to eat ice cream with Hana. We moved to a quiet spot with no one around. The weather was nice, it was a sunny day and I let myself relax under the comfortable heat. I always liked rainy days better but I liked to feel the sun against my skin from time to time.

"I'm sorry to say this Y/N, but your father is truly an asshole" Hana swore between her teeth after I told her what happened at home the previous day.

"I don't know what I'm going to do about this. Is it better to agree and then divorce this guy? But my dad is well-known, he always will find a way to keep me under his grip, no matter what I do. I feel completely useless and trapped, I can’t find a good way to escape from this" I spoke in a low tone, sadness filling my voice the more I talked.

I sighed, concerned by the situation I was into. Hana gently rubbed my back to give me some comfort while my head was on her shoulder. We stayed silent for a few minutes, both of us didn’t know what to say because we both knew that there was no way I could escape my fate.

"Excuse me, are you Kim Y/N?"

I turned around to see who had called my name. In front of me stood was a well-dressed man, a bit older than me with a confident look. He wasn't especially handsome, but he wasn't unpleasant to look at. He had this classic Korean vibe one could find everywhere here in Korea.

"Yes? Who are you?" I politely asked.

He took my hand in his own, making me stand up from the bench I was sitting in. Soon after, he put a slight kiss on the back of my hand.

"What the hell?" I shouted and took my hand off his.

It wasn't in our culture to do something like this so I first assumed he had grown up abroad but honestly, from what I knew, even in the USA or Europa no one kissed a perfect stranger met in the street less than ten seconds ago.

"Who the heck are you?" Hana jumped between the man and me.

"I'm Hwang Jinyoung, her future husband" he simply stated, a smirk on his face.

"I never agreed on that." I frowned my eyebrows at his statement.

"What do you mean you never agreed? Your father told us that you were glad to be my future wife" The man seemed truly surprised or at least, he was pretending well to be.

"He lied!" I yelled out, the anger taking over me while I clenched my fists, nails finding their way onto y skin.

I was angry that my father had one more time, talked for me without my consent. My body was shaking from anger while the man laughed at my reaction.

"Move, you're in my way" He suddenly stopped laughing and violently pushed Hana to the ground.

My eyes opened wide from the shock. I was about to check on Hana to be sure she wasn't hurt but Jinyoung grabbed my wrist and pulled me in his chest.

"Why are you so angry? I will take good care of you!" he chuckled.

"Let me go!" I screamed against him, feeling the tears tingling my eyes.

I suddenly felt a strong arm around my waist which encircled me from behind.

"Holy shit." Hana gasped when she saw the handsome man who was protectively hugging me.

I had no need to look back, I already knew who it was. This touch and this warmness were simply unforgettable.

"If you don't let her go in the next five seconds, I'll blow your hands off." the voice behind me growled against Jinyoung.

The beating of my heart quickened. For the past two years I had dreamed about him every night and now, I was finally able to see him again.

"San!" I shouted happily, finally looking to the handsome boy. He smiled back atme but his expression became cold again as he stared at Jinyoung. My so-called husband finally let my wrist go and hardly swallowed his spit.

"Y-you! What are you doing here?" he asked with a shaking voice. I had no doubt about the fact that he knew who San was and that he probably knew him better than I did.

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Edit: Guys, I'm so surprised, I didn't think I would get so many likes for this series, I just uploaded it two days ago after all lol but I'm glad! The next chapter is already done but I'll wait a bit before uploading it, maybe next week? Anyways, thank you again!

Tag list:

@hijirikaww @pinkchampagne2

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justanotherlifeff · 3 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm. DETAILED SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER

(Y/N) POV

It has been a few weeks. Hanji experimented with Eren and pushed him too far which got his face torn off. I have been going to Levi's room every night and he had been teaching me new things about sex. Things he liked to do resembled some things from my past but this time, I enjoyed it because I trusted him and he didn't force me into anything. Last night, he tied me up, gagged me and spanked me because I messed up during our training session about using knives. Yes, he had been training me how to use knives so that I can protect myself with just a pocket knife. I accidentally let him cut me on my hand during our session last day because I was feeling dizzy out of nowhere. I got up this morning and washed my face in Levi's bathroom. He got up as I was wearing my nightgown.

"You look good with those hickeys" he complimented with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at that and went back to my room when I was done dressing. I wore a shirt and a skirt that I owned before joining the survey corps. I went down to make breakfast as usual. No one was awake yet except Levi and myself. I started making tea and peeling some potatoes. Levi came downstairs when the tea was done. I poured some for him and myself. The potatoes were still being steamed when Mikasa, Eren and Armin came down. Eren said "Sasha will be really happy this morning too" with a chuckle when he smelled the steamed potatoes. I've been making steamed potatoes for breakfast for a few days "Well, potato girl deserves some good days" I replied as I was drinking my tea and observing the potatoes.

I listened to Mikasa that day and started trying to care about everyone's feelings and so far, I've been doing pretty well. I even made peace with Jean after apologising for my outburst that day. Surprisingly, he apologised for being too pushy too. Jean, Sasha and Connie came downstairs as Levi went upstairs to get done with some paperwork and when the potatoes were cooked. Sasha looked really happy again and gave me a hug, again which I didn't return, again. "He cut you again didn't he? Why do you give that shorty so many chances to hurt you?" Jean scoffed from the table. Even if he apologised the other day, he still didn't change his mind about Levi. "Well, I'm training myself for the worst situations that I could come across. It's just a small cut." I replied monotonously.

"Hey (Y/N), are you imitating Mikasa?" Eren chimed in. "Why do you think that?" I asked him with a straight face. "You keep wearing a scarf like her all the time" he added. "Well, does it matter if I am imitating her?" I asked him, my expression clearly telling him to drop the topic. I, of course didn't want anyone to try to get my scarf off and see the hickeys that Levi left on me. Thus, intimidating Eren was the only option. "Okay okay calm down! " he muttered to me as I looked away. I ate a steamed potato and went off to my room to take a book.

Suddenly nausea hit me and I had to run to my attached bathroom. This had been happening for a few days but I just assumed that it could be because of food poisoning. After all, Mikasa cooked dinner the other day and it tasted like horse shit. Everything tasted like horse shit after that. Except tea and steamed potatoes ofcourse. That's why I've been making those for breakfast. This puking every morning was getting out of control so I decided to go to Hanji for medicines after I was done reading the book. It was almost evening when I was done reading and I went to Hanji's room which was downstairs. I didn't have to knock as the door was already open.

"Hanji, I need medicine for food poisoning." I said as I walked up to her. She was looking at some files on her table. "Food poisoning? When did you get that? The food supply we get are of good quality." she said curiously. "Well, Mikasa's cooking skills are so good that it made my stomach upset" I told her sarcastically. "But her cooking was pretty good." Hanji said in a matter of fact tone. "You can't be serious. It tasted like horse shit" I told her with wide eyes. "(Y/N), could you elaborate on the symptoms you are having?" Hanji said to me in a serious tone. "Well, I'm puking every morning, everything tastes like shit except tea and steamed potatoes." I stated. Hanji was already noting everything down on a notebook.

"When did you have your periods?" she asked. "Well, it was... last month..." I trailed off. I was late for periods by about one and half week. My periods were never irregular. "When are you supposed to have periods this month?" Hanji asked. "I was supposed to have it a bit more than a week back." I answered. I didn't like where things were going. "Do you usually have irregular periods?" she asked. "No." I answered. I was praying that what I was thinking is wrong.

"Did Levi forget to pull out?" she asked. "Huh? What? " I got jerked back into reality by that. "Relax (Y/N). I figured it out. Levi never calls you 'brat', he actually gives you private self defence lessons, I noticed that he talks to you a lot, you never seem to complain about him like normal people and I got upstairs the other night to borrow a book and didn't find you in your room and you were pretty loud in Levi's room and I could hear you from the hallway upstairs." she explained as I gaped at her. I remembered that day. It basically was the only day when I was actually loud.

One week ago:

I found him sitting by his desk when I entered his room. He noticed me enter and motioned me to go to his bed. I did what he said and sat on the bed. He came to me a few minutes later after arranging the paperwork he was working on. "I taught you everything about the type of sex I like except one. I can't teach you this one because this is something you need to be okay with and learn to enjoy it yourself." he said. "What is it?" I asked with excitement. Everything he taught me so far, including bondage, enjoying any sort of pain he inflicted on me by spanking or slapping or using sex toys, etc, I found them quiet enjoyable.

"What’s your view on roleplaying? I kinda wanted to try that..." with that he explained everything about it to me. I didn't know if this would turn me on or not. "You mean you'll treat me like a cheap whore in bed?" I asked him calmly. "Yes" he answered. "So, you'll treat me like what I was. Even you see me like that don't you?" I barely whispered. I felt betrayed because I trusted that he would treat me right. I never expected this of him. "(Y/N), this is just for sex. When we are done, I'll be back to just Levi. And I'll not do any of these if you don't want me to. If you want, we can keep things as it is now. At the end, everything depends on your decision." he told me as he pulled me into a hug.

"Just, think about it. I think you need to try it out first before making a decision. I'll do it only if you allow me to." he said. I thought hard about it. I remembered that he asked me to trust him and decided to do that. "Let's try it out" I answered with a smile. He didn't waste any time and smashed his mouth onto mine. He fingered me till I almost had an orgasm and then he removed the finger and just walked back to his desk and started working. "Why did you stop?" I whined and he didn't even look at me and said, "Quit whining, brat. Convince me to waste my time on you instead and make yourself useful." "How do I do that, Levi?" I asked him. "It's Heichou to you, brat. Get under the desk and suck me off. I wont be helping you next time." He said monotonously as I did exactly what he asked me to do.

I got him hard pretty fast but that didn't make him budge from his position. After what seemed like an eternity of me sucking his dick, he pulled my hair roughly to remove my head from his dick. "Do you want this dick in you?" he asked. "Yes Heichou." I said eagerly without any hesitation. He removed his hand from my hair and said, "Beg for it". I didn't know what to do so I simply muttered, " I want you Heichou. Please". That got me a slap across my face. "You have too much damn dignity for a whore. Ask properly" he said giving me a look of disapproval. "Please have me Heichou" I tried again. This time, he stared at me for a while and commanded me to go to the bed and lay down.

I did what he said as he got some genital clamps from a drawer on his desk. He used them on my clit and two nipples and said, "If you can't get it right in three chances, you'll go back to your room without getting an orgasm. I'll pull one off you as punishment if you get it wrong." he said. I thought hard and whispered, "Heichou, please fuck me". "Close but, first, I barely heard what you said. That means you don't want it enough. Second, who are you?" he said as he pulled the clamp stuck to my clit roughly making me yelp loudly. He then massaged my clit slowly which reduced the pain and gave me volts of pleasure.

While doing it, he asked "Who are you?". Instead of saying my name, I figured out what he actually wanted me to say. " I'm a whore" I half moaned out. "I can't hear you. Say it loudly" he said as he gave a pinch on my clit which made me shout out "I’m a whore" in a strangled moan. "Good. Whose whore are you?" he asked again while rubbing my clit again. "Yours" I moaned out. "Good. Say, who are you?" he asked me rubbing me harder. "I'm Heichou's whore" I moaned loudly.

"Good girl. That's right. You're my little whore. Now beg me properly" he said with a smirk. "Heichou, please fuck your little whore" I gasped. At that, he pulled the clamp from my right breast and said, "Louder" angrily. To this I shouted, "PLEASE FUCK YOUR LITTLE WHORE, HEICHOUUUUU". He unbuckled his pants and smashed into me before I could finish. And, as he promised, he let me orgasm and made me swallow his cum instead of just spilling it over me. When he was done, he pulled me in a hug and asked, " How did you feel?". "I think we will be doing this a lot in future" I murmured before passing out on his chest.

"Does anyone else know?" I asked her panicking. "Nope. I don't think anyone else will go upstairs at 12 am to knock at your door for a book. They still are scared of you even if you're trying to be nice to them" she chuckled. "He did forget to pull out once... That was weeks ago..." I muttered. To that, she took a small packet from her drawer and opened it and gave me a small weird looking strip of paper that had plastic and some symbols around it.

"Find a cup and pee in it and dip the area of the strip with the small arrow sign on it. You will find some lines form on the middle of the strip. Bring it to me when you're done. I took it, did exactly what she said and brought it to her. I held it in front of her, she looked at the two lines that had appeared on the strip and said, "(Y/N), you're pregnant."

Before I could react to this statement, I heard Connie's surprised voice asking Hanji, "(Y/N) is pregnant?!". My legs gave out and I sat on the ground. This can't be happening. This has to be a bad dream. "Yes she is. What is it? Did Nifa come back after giving news about Nick's death to Erwin?" Hanji asked Connie.

"Yes she came back with a letter. Levi Heichou wants everyone in the dining room." he reported to Hanji before looking at me and asking, "Who's the father?". I didn't look at him and muttered, " I can't say...". I felt tears suddenly flow out of my eyes as I croaked out, "this isn't real. This is a bad dream...". Hanji and Connie looked at me sympathetically and Hanji said, "I'm afraid it is real. I promise I'll help you go through this". "Thanks Hanji". I muttered to her and looked back at Connie and told him, "No one can know about this. Promise me.". "I swear no one will know a thing! I'll help you in any way I can too!" Connie told me nervously.

Hanji helped me up as we went for the dining room. Everyone was standing there as Nifa mentioned how hard it was for her to reach Uncle Erwin as the military police was guarding his hospital room. When she somehow reached and gave Uncle Erwin the news about Nick, Uncle Erwin sent her off with a letter. He was arrested just after that and all of the regiment scouts are on a ban. The military police wouldn't take the ban off until we give up Eren and Historia.

Levi commanded us to gear up and leave the safe house immediately. We did so and then the military police came to raid the place just a while later. "We need to go to a safe place that Erwin mentioned in his letter. We will use our 3D manoeuvre gears for our plan to work. We will hide it with our cloaks. Eren and Historia will have body doubles and the real Eren and Historia will be on a cart, that Erwin has specifically mentioned to rent, away from us." Levi explained us the plan as Hanji interjected by saying, "We need to take some other things into consideration. It's about (Y/N). She's..." I stopped her before she broke the news and said, "It's nothing important Hanji. I can fight with a bit of food poisoning".

Hanji looked at me with caution and let it slide. "Alright, I'll get to Erwin with Moblet. The rest of you, follow Levi." Hanji commanded as she got on her horse. "Wait!" Eren shouted at Hanji before giving her a piece of paper where he wrote about a conversation he remembered from Reiner and Ymir back when he was kidnapped. With that, she left. We rode to Trost that night while I was trying to figure out if I made the right decision by not letting Levi know that his child was growing inside me.

It was afternoon when we reached Trost. A cart was rented from the place Uncle Erwin mentioned and Eren and Historia were in it. Jean and Armin were doubling as Eren and Historia. I didn't get any sleep last night and I was hungry because stopping to buy food would raise suspicions. I felt weak, dizzy and nauseatic but I tried to not let it show. Sasha took out a bread from her bag and started eating it. "You have food in your bag Sasha?" Connie exclaimed. "Yes. I brought some bread. I can't spend so much time without food" she said as she took a bite of the bread".

"Oi Sasha, give that bread to (Y/N)." Connie told her in a pleading voice. "Huh? Why? I'm not giving my food to anyone!" she exclaimed. "Trust me on this Sasha. You'll regret not giving it later. Please" Connie pleaded for me. I looked at Sasha with pleading eyes too because I knew the baby needed it. Acting like that made me feel strange because I never pleaded anyone for sake of someone else. Sasha took my look seriously and handed me her bread. "Thanks" I murmured.

Eating the bread made me feel less weak but more nauseatic. I got close to Connie and told him, "Connie, I gotta puke. Cover for me." "Okay wait." he replied as he went to Levi and talked to him about something. Levi gave me a brief look and answered to him and he came back with a smile. "I told him that we need washroom breaks. He allowed us to go." Connie said. "Okay." I replied shortly because I felt bile flowing up my throat. We hurried to a narrow alley where I threw up while Connie held my hair so that I wont have puke all over it. When I was done, he gave me some water from his flask to wash my mouth. "I don't know how to repay you for all the help. Thank you Connie." I told him earnestly.

"You don't have to repay me (Y/N)! You're like our big sister!" Connie told me with a smile. I smiled back at him, remembering the advice Mikasa gave me weeks back. She was right. Having people to care about you is really nice. I felt slightly better both physically and emotionally than before as we returned to the group. Suddenly, Levi shouted at us to move from the road and a cart rushed at us and picked Jean and Armin up and left. Plan B was put in motion now.

"Mikasa, (Y/N), go after them and see how things are going so far. We need to buy some time for Eren and Historia to get away and we need to ensure their disguises aren't discovered" Levi commanded us and we used our 3DMG to follow them. I noticed that all the movement made me dizzy but I tried my best to focus. They reached a warehouse and took Jean and Armin inside. We looked through the window and after a while, a guy started to touch Armin thinking that’s Historia. "We need to inform this to Heichou. Their disguises will be seen through soon at this rate" I told Mikasa and we flew up on a roof where Levi was sitting.

Mikasa briefed him about everything and asked him how his leg is. I didn't talk to him because I was feeling guilty about lying to him. He told Mikasa and me to take action and told me to give a message to everyone.

We reached that building and infiltrated it. Mikasa and I knocked out the guards with single kicks and waited behind the huge boxes in the Warehouse. A few more people got in after a while and Mikasa and I knocked them out too. I took out the leader and two subordinates and Mikasa took out the others. The leader tried to shoot me with a gun which was in his coat buy Sasha shot an arrow at the gun and stopped him. We tied them up and I told everyone, "Now that we are done here, Heichou gave me a message to give you all..."

Levi POV

I was sitting down behind the bar hiding from Kenny. "So, blowing heads off my team is your new hobby?" I asked him. "Hmm. Adults do things that little runts like you won't understand. Oops, my bad, you're so tiny that it's hard to believe you've grown up. You apparently also got yourself a little lady didn't you?" Kenny laughed. They knew. I felt like my heart stop. They will use her to bait me won't they...

"I don't know what you're talking about" I said calmly. "Oh so a certain (Y/N) (L/N) mean nothing to you? I remember hearing that she even started a bar fight over you" Kenny scoffed. He had more information than I thought. Kenny was talking about how I am as bad as him when I turned a bottle of wine to see his reflection. I took the gun that bar owners have for self defence and used that reflection to shoot him. He had a chair so I was sure it didn't hit him.

I used another chair as distraction, killed a man because he made the mistake of getting caught up by the distraction and used his body to shield the bullets the other two men shot at me and killed them both. I flew towards where the cart could be and found it pretty quickly. I had to warn (Y/N) to stay away from the cart or any threat. I could see the others coming towards me and the cart too. I let them know that three of us were already killed and not to hesitate to kill anyone if they get the chance. No one except (Y/N) and Mikasa said "Roger".

"Jean, Armin go get the cart. Mikasa, assist them. (Y/N), stay away from the cart or any threat. You're a target now too." I told (Y/N) as she looked at me with surprise. Suddenly, another military police member got on the cart along with the driver who pointed her gun towards Jean. The other one was going for Armin. (Y/N), just as I anticipated, didn't follow my order and went to save them. She killed the man with his gun pointing at Armin and Armin shot the woman who had her gun pointed at Jean.

Suddenly, I saw (Y/N) sitting down on the cart with her hands clutching her head. More military police caught up with the cart and I pushed Jean out of the cart while Sasha pushed Armin out. Mikasa was supposed to get (Y/N) out but she missed her because she laid down on the cart suddenly becoming unconscious. Mikasa tried to follow then but I had to stop her and myself. Kenny's plan worked perfectly.

We went back to the abandoned building that Erwin instructed us to go to. The people who were trying to kidnap the doubles of Eren and Historia were tied up there. I was furious and worried about (Y/N). I explained Armin that he wasn't wrong by shooting that woman a while ago. We sat in silence for a while before Mikasa broke the silence by saying, "We could've saved them if you had let me go, Levi Heichou..." I looked at her coldly and said, "No you couldn't save them. They were almost at the gate.".

"My friends were there. We could've saved them if you helped me. But ofcourse, you don't care." Mikasa muttered. Loosing Eren again took a toll on her. "Don't just assume shit" I answered to that. "Now that the military police know about things anyway, there's no reason to hide this anymore. (Y/N) and I are in a relationship. So, Mikasa, you're not the only one who lost someone special to you. Now, stop acting like a child and accept the fact that there was nothing we could've done." I told Mikasa glaring at her. For some reason, everyone looked at Jean after I told them about (Y/N) and myself. "Why are you brats looking at him?" I asked them. "No reason!" Jean shouted out nervously.

"Uh, Heichou?" I heard Connie call me. "What is it?" I asked him. "(Y/N) wanted me to keep this a secret but in this situation, I don't think I should given that you told us about her. (Y/N) was pregnant Heichou." he blurted out. I felt like someone punched me in the guts. Hard. My face clearly showed the shock that I was in and everyone looked at me showing different emotions like being shocked that even I can feel things or being sympathetic about the fact that I couldn't protect her. I buried my face in my palms. I couldn't loose her. I had a child now? I wasn't ready for this but I couldn't loose my child too.

This probably was my only chance I had at having a normal life because I could never build up the courage to start a family by myself. Situation had to force me towards it at some point and it was doing that right when (Y/N) wasn't with me. Suddenly I remembered that she had that pocket knife with her. I made her hide it in her panties so that no one would find it if she's searched. I remembered saying Farlan and Isabelle that I trusted them. I remembered how my trust was broken. However, this time... "I trust her. She will make it out of there" I told everyone. I had no other option than to believe in her.

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi smut #levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi attack on titan #levi x reader #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #captain levi

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