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#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone

ecoterrorist-katara · 2 months

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Zutara, romance novels, and the female gaze

Okay so I’ve been thinking about the female gaze a LOT so I checked out a subreddit about romance novels, despite never having read one. I came across this meme (which was initially a Tumblr post and then got posted to Instagram and then to Reddit and I’m now bringing back to Tumblr — Internet telephone, pls never change):

And…what is The Southern Raiders, if not a platonic grovel? Katara’s pain is central to the episode. It’s central to Zuko. Zuko asks Katara what he can do to make up for his betrayal; she demands the impossible. He reads between the lines, cockblocks her brother to get the necessary information, and then waits outside her door overnight (which he also did for Iroh, the one person we know for sure he loves). He basically makes himself a receptacle for her rage, and he holds space for her by coming with her on her revenge quest and carrying their bags and not saying a damn thing about what she should and should not do beyond like…asking her to rest. And obviously the grovel works! She forgives him and then they’re thick as thieves, bantering and fighting and saving each other’s lives, etc.

On a different note, I’ve been told that enemies to lovers is one of the biggest tropes in romance novels, similar to YA lit and fanfic. Here’s something else I found in the romance novel discourse:

And…yeah. In TSR, Katara really does show Zuko her worst self, because she doesn’t feel the need to perform for him. She doesn’t feel the need to perform moral perfection OR cold blooded vengeance. She bloodbends in front of him and he just goes with it. She doesn’t kill Yon Rha and he just goes with it. He doesn’t treat her any differently afterwards. Maybe they talk about it off screen, but I kind of like the idea that they don’t, because Katara doesn’t need to explain anything. And it’s so interesting, because some people in the ATLA fandom have a totally different read on TSR. They think Zuko was encouraging Katara to get revenge (by what, keeping his mouth shut?), and that Aang is the one who acts as her moral compass. I believe that either Bryan or Mike said in the DVD commentary that Aang is the angel on her shoulder the entire time. And this interpretation does make sense if you see it from the male gaze, where Katara as an object of affection is acting in an angry, irrational, threatening way. But if you see it from the female gaze, you recognize that actually it’s probably the most emotionally taxing experience Katara has to go through, and she doesn’t owe it to be nice or perfect to anybody. Katara’s formative trauma literally comes to a head, and she has to make a decision — no, a discovery — about who she is in relation to the tragedy that defines her life and even her identity (as a waterbender, as a parentified child who becomes the mom friend, as a genocide victim), and she’s accompanied by someone who trusts her judgement and validates her feelings.

I’m not saying TSR is explicitly romantically coded, but when it conforms so well to romance novel tropes…is it any wonder that so many people thought “yes this is her man?” And then he takes lightning in the heart for her and reaches for her when he’s literally dying, I will never be normal about that either

#Zutara #Katara #Zuko #the southern raiders #Pro zutara #anti Bryke #I guess #I swear I’m not a Bryke anti but I feel like they just don’t get #The female gaze #and the fact that Zutara is so female gaze is kind of an accident and I find that fascinating #atla fandom critical #The southern raiders turned me into a Zutara shipper #one ep away from the finale #Zutara meta #My meta

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prettycottonmouthlamia · 1 year

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Every time I see a "Shirou is just a bland harem protagonist and is the worst part of F/SN" takes I've come to realize this is largely a take that's predicated on the anime and not from reading the actual VN. It's really important to note that all the F/SN animes are 3rd person, which means we're observing Shirou and not really getting much if any of his internal monologue, while F/SN is in the 1st person. It's told directly from the experience of Shirou, and we get to see all that Shirou is thinking about it, including the ways his trauma literally shapes who he is and how unhealthy attachment to the ideal of a hero at the expense of the self.

But perhaps the funniest thing that really highlights how kind of clear this becomes is that the prologue of F/SN is told from Rin's perspective, and we actually for the only time in the VN really see Shirou from a 3rd person perspective, and he's described as kind of weird. There's nothing really inherently magnetic about him for some bizarre reason, he's actually described as putting people off. He's the kind of guy who will very quickly agree to help you but would rather go to work or go home than actually do anything particularly social. He's maladjusted enough that his three closest friends are Issei, who grew up in a temple and is largely utterly devoted to it, Shinji, who is more of a legacy friendship and actively uses Shirou, and Taiga, who is basically his mom.

The idea that Shirou is bland should probably be instantly destroyed by the time you get through like 5% of the game, because he's actually kind of a creature.

#fate #fate stay night #shirou

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adventuringblind · 7 months

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Picking at my Sins

Oscar piastri x reader

Genre: Angst, smut?

Summary: Reader comes from a religious background and struggles with self worth. Oscar is there to pick up the pieces.

Warnings: religious trauma, alluded to SH, panic attacks, talks of sex

Notes: mmmmmm definitely not self projecting or anything

Masterlist

The one thing nobody teaches in church is that innocence is simply a construct in the human mind. No one is ever truly innocent. Especially those who you expect to always love and respect you. The ones who preach to always follow the rules.

They turned their back on her. A mistake that wasn't even hers led to her entire church turning their backs on her. She was left to fend with nothing. Her parents were facing the same issue, only they were the ones who started it.

It was for that reason she left.

She wouldn't call herself innocent. Simply inexperienced. She knows what she would like to try but hasn't been able to do so.

She was alone for so long. A new place makes it hard to make friends. Especially since she has a religious background, people tend to immediately think the worst.

She met Oscar in October of 2022. It was cold and rainy that evening. She needed something from the store, and she didn't have a car, so she'd settled for walking in the torrential down pour.

Alcohol. She needed alcohol after a lengthy conversation with her mom that didn't end well and a ten hour shift at a job she gets minimum wage for. Then, to feed her depressed mood, she went to the nearest park with a pretty view, sat on the bench, and drank straight from the bottle.

She's not sure how long she'd been here, but it was long enough that she was shivering and drenched. The liquor barely touched. How had religion touched that, too? Why does she feel sick at the idea of putting her mouth to the bottle?

The park is deserted, and she assumes that it'll remain that way. It doesn't. And at some point, a male comes running towards her. He's probably just out for some kind of workout he can't pause even for the weather.

She assumes he'll run right by her. He doesn't. Imstead he stops to make conversation. Then he sits with her. Then they walk together to somewhere out of the rain.

That is how she found herself talking to the Australian any moment she got. It's how she made a friend who didn't care that she couldn't stomach eating food at times because it could cause imperfections. A friend who let her rant about her ridiculous situation.

Then, a friend became a lover. He asked her out in January. He asked her to that same park which they had met months earlier. He told her they didn't have to do anything quickly. That he was willing to help her figure it out. He truly saw her for who she was and wanted to continue having stupid conversations and finding weird locations to explore.

She worked through things slowly. Many panic attacks were had. The first time she dyed her hair, she cried. Her first time wearing clothes that revealed more than they should have, she also cried. She couldn't even wear them out due to the sheer amount of overwhelming feelings.

Then she left to travel with Oscar. He dragged her around the world with him. Asking nothing in return aside from loving him unconditionally and being his pillar through the stress of a rookie season.

He was so gentle through everything. Honest with her about every misconception she had about life. Reminded her daily that being herself wasn't a sin.

The one thing she hadn't been able to get past was intimacy. It is the most taboo subject to speak about in a church. Aside from hearing that it's bad unless you're married. If it happens any other way, then you'd be punished. Shunned by all. Labeled as wicked and disgusting.

Hand holding was the first step. That came pretty easy while they were friends even. Then he kissed her and she kissed back and even though she was clumsy it was amazing.

The kiss was followed by the first of many panic attacks. A nasty thing that had her wailing and clawing at her skin.

Eventually, she got past that. Though she picked up new habits that probably weren't the best. Oscar made it a point to keep her hands occupied in more productive ways. Even if it felt childish like coloring in a colorbook. They went through three of them in a month. It became a way that they both relax.

She felt herself getting more comfortable with touch after that. Even getting far enough to get clothes off.

And then she wanted to have him completely. He was so gentle through the entire thing. Always asking how she felt. The girl felt utterly clueless and fumbled with everything, but she didn't panic. Maybe it was the overwhelming feeling of love that kept those dark thoughts out of her brain.

It was a month later that it all came crashing down. Her parents had found her. They showed up at her flat while Oscar was there.

She'd never seen the Aussie so defensive. He'd always been so laid back. Until she watched him tell her parents to get out in a horrifyingly stern voice.

It didn't matter, though. The damage had already been done. They'd already yelled about how awful she'd become. The female had just hung her head and listened. It came like muscle memory.

Oscar did get them out eventually. They left in a flurry of shouts as Oscar closed the door and locked it. Then he started from square one again.

That's when the panic attacks during sex started. She couldn't stop the thoughts. They snuck up on her. One second, she was in bliss, and the next, she was trying to claw her skin off her body. The overwhelming disgust with herself seemed to set in after that.

But Oscar was there, every time. He would hold her. Get her cleaned up. Place bandages where her nails had managed to rip skin. Then he’d occupy her mind with anything far away from the topics of intimacy and sex. He’d let her initiate contact so he didn’t scare her.

Sometime, he gets asked by friends (Lando) about his personal life. Why the two aren’t often see going out together. Why she prefers to do a shot then drink mocktails for the rest of the night.

And Oscar always gives the same over used response. “Cause I’d rather see her smiling then picking herself apart over make believe sins.”

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darling-i-read-it · 9 months

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Not Fun Dreams

Dalton Lambert x fem!prophet(esc)!reader

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings: insidious 5 spoilers, some angst, canon level events/violence (descriptions of the readers visions as violence and never being good), shared trauma, a lot of unedited fic lol

Author’s Note: This ended up a LITTLE LONG good lord lol. I just kept going! I hope you enjoy love, it ended up being a little less angst then I wanted to have some sort of preunderstood relationship. ALSO i made up the art school dalton goes too because I couldnt’ find the name or remember if it was mentioned. When will this movie be available to watch whenever i want smh. Anyway, enjoy!

Requested: by anon, your dalton fics were amazing and if you’re still in the mood to write for him i got an idea! dalton with a prophet esque reader. maybe not full out but maybe they have dreams or in certain places they can see what will happen there but doesn’t get the full event ( mostly negative/horrific things because this is the insidious universe and nobody can have nothing). id imagine they’d be more reclusive than dalton because even though they’re both obviously very traumatized reader constantly has to see these horrific things and not know how to stop them. knowing possibly from a young age where you and the people you love will die. the trauma bonding. the protectiveness. imagine the drama if she knew the whole time he could astral project and didn’t tell him, like being childhood friends and going to the same college as you saw something in a dream (one of the dorm scenes) and are trying to prevent it. i’m an angst girlie through and through and this movie made me worst. please don’t feel pressured to write at all, and i hope you have a great day/night!

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

When you were a kid it was much more simple. It made far more sense to you when your imagination was stretched as far as it could go. It was clouded by the guise of childhood, never knowing what was supposed to happen and what wasn’t. You figured that when you went to sleep and pictures flipped in your head piercing like a migraine, everything was normal. Your parents told you it was just dreams, even when the dreams started to get darker. You saw flashes of people’s faces, drenched in fear as they faced something unknown. The nightmares got worse. You insisted they weren’t nightmares. Children dealt with weird things all the time.

It helped when the boy next door flew away in his sleep.

Everyone must have these little gifts then right? All the children had a perk that slightly scared them, one they told their friends about that their parents didn’t pay much attention to.

You’ll never forget the day Dalton moved. He left the house he had grown up in so that his parents could move somewhere bigger, somewhere to raise the new baby. You remember his little face, matching yours. You had never had a friend you cared for so much. It felt like the world could be taken on when you were with Dalton.

“Are you sure you have to go?” you asked, quietly. You knew the answer to the question, even then. You had had an awful nightmare the night before. You had seen flashes of Dalton in bed, tubes surrounding him, IV’s in his arm.

“My mom says so,” he muttered. You were hunched together in the corner of his house. Now empty, it seemed much larger. You didn’t like being in places that seemed to be experiencing change. You saw enough change.

“But I’m worried,” you whispered. “Something might happen to you in the new house.” Your voice was hushed. Even then, you knew it was no use in telling his parents. No one would believe you. But you had to warn him because if anyone trusted you, it was Dalton.

“Maybe it’s just another one of your not fun dreams,” he said quietly. He had gotten used to protecting you from them. You were often shaky when you woke up. He had seen it after a sleepover, cold sweats dripping down your petrified face. “Not one that would come true.”

You had known the lady down the street would trip down the stairs and die three weeks prior. But no one cared to check with the little girl who had silly prophetic dreams.

“But what if it isn’t.” You pouted, a genuine pout. Dalton put his hand on yours, in a way only children could do. The most innocent of gestures. A sign of good faith.

“I’ll be okay.” Even then he didn’t believe his words. He had been wandering further and further out in his dreams. You told him to stop, that it scared you. He insisted they were nothing like your dreams. His weren’t real.

“You ready to go guys?” Josh Lambert asked. He walked up behind you, carrying a book at his side.

“You’ll call right?” you asked quickly, suddenly overcome by emotion. Dalton nodded eagerly.

“We’ve got your number, don’t worry,” Josh assured you. “We won’t be that far, right Dalton? Just down the road.” Dalton wanted to disagree but he didn’t. He just nodded, not ready for you to leave his house. Not ready to leave it himself.

“I’ll call everyday,” Dalton promised.

After a couple weeks he stopped calling. Your parents wouldn’t tell you why. Just that he couldn’t come to the phone. You could see him in your dreams, desperately lost and you had no way of helping him.

You woke up with a start.

As you grew up the dreams started to become less violent. They were always violent in nature but sometimes you could wake up and not feel panicked. You looked at your bedside table, the orange bottles staring back at you. Some were for panic attacks, some were for general anxiety, some to help you sleep. You debated taking one, wondering if you could stick it out for the day. The thought was quickly dismissed.

You had dreamt of Dalton.

You hadn’t dreamt of Dalton since you were a kid, since you lost touch. The memory of it became so blurry over time. There was no way you could have blamed him for it. In hindsight you blame your parents and the cycle of time. You went to different schools and there was no reason to stay in touch because you couldn’t ever see each other.

You grabbed your phone off the side of your bed. You hadn’t seen much.

Dalton. Older, taller, handsomer. A full man now, though you weren’t sure why you were surprised. A school, the name of the school just barely on the tip of your tongue. You wrote down everything you remembered furiously. The feeling of dread. A familiar creeping of darkness that you couldn’t quite place. Your dreams were sporadic. Whatever you had dreamt of could still be months out.

You got out of bed and walked down the hallway. You were packing for school yourself, eager to leave by the end of the week. The car was almost packed with most of your things.

You reached for your parents phone book. They kept it beside the fridge, even though it was ancient and most of the numbers were outdated. You had given them grief about it before. Everyone had numbers saved to their phones now, what was the point of a phone book?

You ate your words as you flipped through the pages, looking for Lambert. Sure enough, both Renai and Josh were separately listed. You reached for your phone, trying Renai first.

It rang for a while, leading you to believe the number might’ve been wrong. Then there was an answer and a kind voice spoke on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Hi! Is this Renai Lambert?”

“This is her. Who is this?”

“Hi Mrs. Lambert! This is kind of weird but my name is Y/N. I used to be friends with Dalton when we were kids?” There was a beat of silence and then a laugh, one you remembered well. You had always liked Renai. She was endlessly kind, always offering you lemonade when you came around. You could still hear her playing songs on the piano while you and Dalton ran around their house.

“Y/N! Oh goodness, it’s been a while hasn’t it? Why are you calling now?” You smiled, happy she remembered you.

“I just randomly dreamt of Dalton last night and hadn’t seen him in years. I was wondering if he still lived with you or if I could talk to him?”

“For sure! Gimme one second.” She moved away. You could hear a muffled call for Dalton. The phone returned to her ear. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good! I’m going to art school at the end of the month,” you offered.

“Really? So is Dalton! Oh, here he is!” There was a moment as the phone was passed along. You cleared your throat.

“Hello?”

“Dalton?” There was another beat of silence. You thought maybe he didn’t remember you, which would be slightly awkward. You would have to re-explain everything before he would even believe a word that came out of your mouth. Then he spoke.

“Y/N?” You let out a breath of relief.

“Yeah.” He scoffed and you could picture him shaking his head in disbelief.

“What’s up? Are you okay?” Still the same protective boy he had been when you were kids.

“I had a dream about you last night and I wanted to call, see if you were okay.” Another moment of silence. You wondered if Renai had left the room.

“A not fun dream?” he asked quietly. You nodded, looking down.

“Yeah.” You could hear Renai in the background.

“She’s going to art school too.”

“Really? Where are you going?”

“Western. Not far from home, at least, where home used to be.”

“Me too,” he breathed. “Who would’ve thought?” You bit the inside of your cheek, wondering what it would be like to be back with Dalton again. You had never felt so understood like when you were with him.

“When do you leave? We should meet up for lunch.”

Dalton Lambert had gotten tall. You noticed that first when you saw him. He stepped right out of your dreams and onto his dorm room flooring. You had just missed Josh who had eagerly scurried away. Your parents had left you too. Now you and Dalton were finally in a place where you could hang out away from adults, which was a weird feeling when you were together.

He had texted you his room number and you knocked on the door. When it opened, he hugged you. It wasn’t awkward or weird. In fact, it felt like you had finally come home.

“How are you?” you asked.

“I’m okay,” he promised. He ushered you in. “I’d be better if you told me what your dream was about.” You shook your head.

“It was just you being here.”

“You have good dreams now?” You shook your head.

“That’s the whole thing.” He gestured for you to sit at his desk or at the empty bed beside his. You sat down on his bed anyway, putting your feet up to your chest like you were a child. “I don’t. But I remember feeling bad when I woke up, like something was coming.” You looked over at him. “How are you? How are your dreams?”

He paused for a moment, like he was glitching or buffering. You tilted your head.

“Dalton?”

“My dreams are fine,” he answered finally. “Not nearly as interesting as yours.” You nodded slowly. That wasn’t exactly the answer you were expecting to get but you trusted him to open up when he was ready. “So do you think somethings gonna happen?”

“I don’t know. I think I’ll know more later,” you promised, though you only half believed it.

“The last time you dreamt about me I went into my coma,” he said quietly, cautiously. He opened up to you quickly, knowing what it was like to be friends with you when you were a kid. There was something so special about being known before you even knew yourself.

“I know. That’s why I found my parents' phonebook and called your mom.”

“At least you’ll be closer this time around,” he suggested. “You’re welcome to hit me in the head if I start drifting off when I’m not supposed to.” You laughed gently.

“Good to know.” You looked up at his wall. He had started to put drawings up. His mom was in the one above his pillow, at her piano. She looked just like you remembered her. “How is she?” you asked. Your eyes scanned the room. “Oh man, how is Foster? Cali?”

“Good, good, they’re all good,” he promised, laughing a bit. “My parents got divorced a couple years ago. My dad is slightly losing it.”

“As all dads do.” Your eyes scanned the wall. There was a picture of his brother. Another of his grandmother, who you only met every once in a while. Above her was a picture you recognized. It was you. You when you were a kid, in a room you no longer remembered. “Is that me?” He cleared his throat.

“Your call had me looking through pictures.” You glanced at him, smiling a bit.

“I loved your house so much. It was like a second home to me.”

“It was a first home to me.” You rolled your eyes.

“We have so much to catch up on. Tell me everything. I have nowhere to be.”

Dalton’s room became a second one to you. It was serendipitous, moving from swapping houses to swapping dorm rooms. The transition felt comfortable and seamless. His roommate Chris moved out because she was a girl so you mostly got the room to yourselves.

A couple weeks in, he started to have nightmares. Nights where you recognized the look on his face when he woke up. It was the same look he had after he had wandered too far, daring you to go with him. When he woke up he looked just like a kid still. Big wide eyes, confused.

You sat on the spare bed. Dalton had fallen asleep half an hour before but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. There was nothing wrong with just falling asleep there. You had done it before and you would do it again, waking up to his alarm for his early class.

You laid your head down on the pillow, scrolling on your phone. The night had fallen, indicating that you should let yourself drift off into sleep. You raised your head a bit, wondering if you could easily find one of Dalton’s shirts to wear to sleep instead of your uncomfortable day one. You should’ve asked him before he fell asleep. You stood up lazily, rubbing your eyes. The room was only illuminated by the nightlight at Dalton’s side. He had fallen asleep with a pencil still in his hand, his sketchbook still out on his side.

You groggily slipped the pencil out of his fingers, putting it on the desk. You grabbed his sketchbook, looking at what he was looking at. It was still just lines on a paper, soon to be something beautiful. You put it aside. You were about to turn around when he woke up with a start.

He lifted his head completely, almost ramming into you. You jumped, startled.

“Woah!” you exclaimed. He was breathing heavily. He looked up at you, eyes wide. You met his gaze, almost positive what had just happened. “Did you wander off?”

“What?”

“In your sleep. Did you project?” He was silent for a moment, still trying to catch up on whatever it was going on in his head. He didn’t say anything for a second, staring at you with bewildered eyes. “Dalton?”

He finally opened his eyes up to speak but was cut off by a loud screeching. You put your hands over your ears, wincing. The fire alarm was going off. Dalton scrambled out of bed, looking at the door. He rushed forward, pushing it open.

Down the hall, all the other students were leaving their beds. Most were still muddled with sleep, wearing nothing but their pajamas. You peeked your head out behind him. He grabbed your arm and started to bring you down the hallway to the stairs. It was too tight for everyone so his grip was iron tight, weaving through the confusion. You pushed through the door to the stairs, moving with the herd down. You glanced back, trying to find the source of the confusion.

You emerged outside into the night. It was freezing. The group dispersed into the courtyard, everyone looking back to the building you had just left. You brushed against Dalton behind you, who had finally let go of your arm. You couldn’t see anything in the building, nothing to indicate a reason everyone was leaving.

“Do you see anything?” you asked him. He shook his head.

“No.” You shivered, suddenly very aware of how cold it was.

“Maybe it was a drill,” you suggested. He nodded slowly, not wanting to argue as his eyes scanned the building.

Someone was yelling something in a megaphone you couldn’t make out. You tried to find the source of the voice to no avail.

“What are they saying?”

“False alarm,” he said, like it wasn’t a question. You furrowed your brows.

“How can you hear that?”

“I pulled it,” he said, finally. You turned around to look at him.

“How? You were right there with me the whole time.”

“I did it in my sleep.”

“If you knew it was a false alarm, why did we come out here?”

“Because I wasn’t sure.” His voice sounded far away. You looked back at the building, completely safe in the backdrop of the night. You turned back to him. His look was dreary and unreadable. “You should probably go back to your room,” he said, voice still far away. You tried not to take that badly. It just seemed random.

“Okay,” you said quietly. “Are you okay Dalton?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” You nodded slowly. People started to pass you, going back inside.

“Want me to walk you back up?” “I’m okay,” he assured you, some of the life returning to his voice.

“Alright…I’ll see you tomorrow?” He nodded quickly and started to walk into the crowd.

The next morning you woke up in a daze. You couldn’t quite remember what happened the night before, all of it glossing over your memory like a blur. You grabbed your phone off the side table, your roommate still snoozing away. You had a text from Dalton and a text from Chris, his old roommate.

Taking Dalton to that frat party tonight. Wanna come?

You opened that one up first. Dalton at a frat party? You almost snorted. You hadn’t been back in his life for very long but it didn’t seem like his vibe. You opened Dalton’s text next.

Sorry about last night. Had a weird dream and woke up weird.

You texted him back immediately.

No worries. Are you really going to the frat party tonight?

Almost immediately a little bubble showed up in the white box. You laid your head back down on the pillow. It felt like you had only taken a nap because of the weird in between moments. A text came from Dalton.

Supposedly. Chris wants me to go. Do you wanna come?

You glanced at your calendar.

I have a test in the morning, I think I’ll pass. Thanks for the invite tho :) Try not to get too drunk!

You opened Chris’s texts back up too to answer her as well. As you were typing out your response, Dalton texted you again.

Are you sure??? I could get lost, drunk and suggestive. Who would protect me from the onslaught of potential girls?

You rolled your eyes harder.

Chris will!

You turned off your phone to get ready for the day.

You sat on your bed in your dorm room. Your eyes were dropping off to sleep, phone down on your comforter, computer open as you looked at reference pictures. Your sketch book was open, though it didn’t have anything except the bare bones of some sort of idea. You hummed to the music coming from your phone, mind wandering from your work.

Your roommate had gone to the same frat party as Dalton. You were by yourself tonight as the sun dropped. It was becoming more clear that you just wanted to go to sleep tonight to wake up rested for the test. You picked up your phone, pursing your lips as you tried to decide if giving up homework was worth it for the night. You had no new texts from Dalton or Chris except a picture from Chris’s phone of the two of them there. You smiled a bit. Dalton looked awkward and out of place. It was good that he was branching out.

Finally you set your things aside. There was no use in trying to do any more work when you were still catching up on sleep from the night before.

As you placed your head on the pillow a simultaneous pierce through your skull erupted. You grabbed your head at the familiar feeling. Usually you only got visions when you were asleep, waking up to some sort of horrific memory.

A bathroom. It felt cold, like ice, like the ground hadn’t been stepped on by humans in years. A boy was there, his face shrouded by the toilet. He gripped the sides but his hands didn’t look real. Something was wrong with him. You couldn’t tell what it was. The sound of the door opening, a creek, a sudden stop.

You dug your nails into the skin on your forehead, willing it to stop. It had been so long since you were awake when this happened.

Before it subsided you could see Dalton in the doorway. The dread returned, the same dread you had when you were a kid and he was moving away where you couldn’t protect him. You let out a breath that you had been holding. Your hands were shaking.

Usually you wrote down what you saw, quickly jotting down things you could remember. Typically nothing would stand out for you to take immediate action. This time you jumped out of bed, quickly putting on slip on shoes. You were wearing shorts and a hoodie, clothes to sleep in, when you ran down the stairs. You had never been to the frat the party was at tonight but there were still fliers everywhere and you assured yourself you would find one.

Thankfully, right on the pole outside of the building was a green poster with the address. You knew where Greek Row was, not more than a five minute walk from your dorm. You turned towards it and started to run.

By the time you got there you were already exhausted. You crashed through the door, entering a chaotic scene. There were people everywhere, ramming into each other, sloshing drinks on people’s clothes, too drunk to care. You scanned the crowd. You pushed through people, to the staircase. There were people hanging out there, leaning against the railing, leaning against each other. You walked upstairs, searching for a bathroom. The doors were mostly locked.

You ran right into Chris, leaving the bathroom. You peeked inside but it wasn’t the one from your vision.

“Woah! You decided to come after all! What are you wearing?”

“Where’s Dalton?” She gestured to a door down the hall. You rushed towards it, almost tripping over yourself. You swung the door open. Dalton was on the ground, half under the bed, face filled with fear. “Dalton!” He snapped his head back up at you and then back in the air. There was nothing there. “Did you..did you see that?”

“No.”

“There was something-” You fell to your knees beside him, helping him out from under the bed.

“What did you see?”

“A kid in the bathroom. There was someone in the bathroom and he was-”

“Dead.” Chris emerged at the door frame.

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Have you been astral projecting lately?” you asked him, voice low and serious. His eyebrows furrowed.

“Have I been what?” You stared at him for a long time, unsure what he meant. Maybe he just didn’t want to say anything in front of Chris.

“Dalton come on.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said and he felt honest. He grabbed your hand, willing you to believe him.

“When we were kids you could walk around in your sleep. Your soul left your body or whatever.” You paused, trying to read his face. “You don’t remember?”

‘No,” he said, honestly.

“What are you guys talking about?” Chris repeated.

“We should go,” you said quickly. “We’ll talk back at the dorms.” You helped Dalton up.

Though she protested, Chris left the two of you alone in Dalton’s dorm. The explanations coming out of his mouth weren’t something she trusted and she trusted you to make sure he went to bed alright. Though she did feel bad for dragging him along, unsure if the drinking had something to do with his abnormal reaction.

“We have to call your parents,” you said as he sat down at his desk. He shook his head.

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can. They know what happened here and why you don’t remember it.” You hadn’t known everything about Dalton being in a coma but you didn’t expect him to remember nothing of it completely. He detailed not even remembering being sick. They moved into the new house and then the rest of the year was nothing but a blur.

“I wouldn’t believe you if I hadn’t just seen it,” he breathed. You grabbed his phone off the table, opening it up. “Wait-”

“No wait. We have to call your mom. She’ll know what to do.”

“But this could just be something completely normal. You said I could do it before I went into my coma.”

“And then you went too far, Dalton. I don’t actually know how far too far is but I know you’re already too close to it.” You held up the phone for him. “Call her.” He looked at you, eyebrows knitted. He looked at the canvas at his desk, completely covered in black, a red door created at the edges. There was something at that door he couldn’t remember anymore. He set his jaw and grabbed his phone.

“I don’t think this is gonna help.”

“Put it on speaker.”

The phone rang for a moment but no longer than that. Renai answered quickly.

“Hello? Dalton?”

“Hey mom.”

“It’s nice of you to call,” she said, half jokingly. “How are things there? Are you settling in nicely?”

“Yeah mom, that’s not really why I called.” He gave you a look as you sat beside him eagerly. “I’ve been having these dreams and Y/N said you might know something about that.”

The line was silent for a moment.

“What kind of dreams?”

“I can see my body when I leave it. Like I’m walking around in this other world.”

“Is Y/N there?”

“Right here Mrs. Lambert.” She paused again. The tension seeped from the phone. You met Dalton’s eyes.

“Mom?”

“Maybe I should just come up there and talk to you in person. Can Y/N stay with you until I get there?”

“What? Mom, you don’t need to come all the way up here.” Shuffling came from the other line.

“It’s too hard to explain over the phone. I’ll be there in the morning.”

“No, mom.” He took a deep breath. “What happened? Tell me now.” His hands were wrapped tightly around the phone. He had grabbed your hand. You couldn’t remember when.

“You and your father don’t know,” she said quietly. “We made it so that those memories were suppressed. I don’t know how it came back.” She shuddered. “When you were in the coma you went somewhere Dalton. For three months, we lost you.”

“Where?”

“A place called The Further.” Her voice was gravely serious. He stared at the ground. The name sent shivers down his spine, like all that repressed childhood fear came back. “You got lost there and things tried to take your body. Your dad went back to find you and…something else came back instead of him.” Dalton looked at the door painting on his desk.

“How do I stop it?”

“I don’t know honey. I’m coming down.”

“What about dad? What if he’s going through this too?”

“I’ll get your father. We’ll come together.” Dalton had nothing to say to that. It must be serious if they were going to stay together for a long period of time like the drive up to school. “Stay with Y/N.” There was a beat. “I love you Dalton.”

“I love you too mom.”

She hung up the phone. For a long time you just sat there in silence. You hadn’t ever gotten those answers before, the ones you had only gotten glimpses of when you were a kid trying to sleep.

“I remember the demon trying to get you,” you whispered. “He was dark…with red,” you said. “I had nightmares about him for months. I kept seeing him get closer and closer but no one believed me.”

Dalton looked over at you, his look unreadable.

“He’s trying to get me again,” Dalton muttered. “I can feel him.”

You shook your head. That was the last thing you wanted to hear. You stood up, letting go of his hand.

“This is bigger than us. There’s this whole other world and you’re going to it and it’s so close-”

“But if I don’t go to it then-”

“Are you gonna stay awake? Forever?” Dalton shut his mouth. “Repressing the ability didn’t work so what else is there to do but enter the place?” You shivered. Just the memory of your visions sent chills down your spine. “I haven’t seen the demon recently. I’ve just seen you.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing.” You nodded. You paced, unsure what to do with all the fear in your body. “We just have to wait till the morning, then my mom will be here.” You both knew that might not solve anything. Still, you nodded. There was nothing else to do but wait.

“I’m staying here with you.”

“I don’t wanna be alone anyway.” He shook his head, voice far away. This dorm had started to become a safe haven, despite the places your brain went when you were asleep. It felt much better than your own dorm with the roommate you hardly knew. You’d likely be getting a text from her in the morning, wondering where you were again.

You sat back down on Dalton’s bed.

“Are we gonna try and stay awake all night?” He shook his head.

“If I wake up I’ll just stay right where I am.”

“That sounds easier than it will be.” It was already late, nearly midnight. You were tired and your heart was starting to slow down now that the problem didn’t seem as pressing. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes but it didn’t do much.

“Are you ready to sleep now?” he asked. You nodded.

“I really thought I was gonna go to bed early tonight. Looks like I’ll be skipping the test in the morning.”

“I don’t want you to do that. I’ll be fine by myself.” You shook your head.

“No way. I’m staying here until your parents show.” You yawned. “But I should probably go to sleep soon.” He glanced at the bed on the other side of the room. He knew you would go there automatically if he didn’t say otherwise. He couldn’t exactly explain it but he would just feel safer if you were closer to him.

He could explain it but suddenly that feeling was scarier then wandering off into The Further.

“I’ll take that b-”

“You could sleep with me.” You raised an eyebrow at the suggestion. Without so much as a beat you answered.

“Okay.” He let out a breath. You got up. “Scoot over then.” He looked up at you and your willingness to be so close to him.

“I’ve gotta change.”

“Then change.” He stood up, walking to his drawer. He shuffled around in there for something acceptable to wear. Usually he just wore his boxers and a shirt but suddenly that felt so revealing. He could see you in the corner of his eye, getting under the covers and getting comfortable.

You tried to pretend it wasn’t a big deal to you that he asked even though your heart was in your throat.

“Don’t look,” he said. You made a dramatic gesture of covering your eyes. He took his shirt, facing away from you. You peaked between your fingers, admiring his back as he quickly slipped the other shirt back on. When he undid his belt you covered your eyes again.

“You can stay awake,” you offered. He turned off the lamp on the desk, leaving only the nightlight. He moved the blankets aside so he could sit beside you.

“I’m exhausted from finding out my memory was erased.”

“It sounds so dramatic that way.”

“What would you say?”

“Hypnotism.” He put his head against the pillow, facing you. It was rare you were at eye level.

“That’s dramatic too.”

You sat there in silence for a moment. You hadn’t seen his face so close to you since you were kids. It was just like the sleepovers you had when you were a kid, just a little less innocent.

“Are you scared to fall asleep?” he asked, voice a whisper now.

“Sometimes. Tonight I am. I don’t wanna dream about you.” He should be feeling awkward, being so close to you. Instead he felt more comfortable than ever.

“Then don’t.”

“I’ll give it my best effort.” Your eyes were so heavy. They closed without you even thinking about it.

“I’m gonna be awake a little longer. I think I’m gonna sketch.”

“Okay Dalton,” you whispered and it sounded so incredibly childlike. He sat up a bit, leaning against the headboard. He grabbed his sketchpad off the table. You nuzzled your head into the pillow. “Do you mind if I use you as a pillow?” you asked quietly.

“No. Not at all.”

You moved forward a bit and then your head was on his lower chest, arm over him. He put his hand over your back and suddenly sketching seemed much less important than making you comfortable.

“Goodnight Y/N.”

Neither of you had set an alarm.

Renai and Josh showed up early at 7 the next morning, the sun still slowly coming up. Renai knocked on the door, antsy to see her son. She had explained everything to Josh on the way over. He was pleased to find he wasn’t crazy.

The knock went unanswered. She took a deep breath and knocked again.

“You don’t think it’s unlocked do you?” she questioned. Josh tried the doorknob. It opened with ease. They shared a look.

The other bed was still unused. Laying in the other bed was you and Dalton. You were on his chest, a pencil lazily in his fingers. He was hugging you with both arms, cheek pressed against your head.

Renai couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

“They’re okay,” she whispered. Josh nodded. He wanted to smile at the sight. It felt right.

“Should we wait for them to wake up?”

Renai couldn’t help but feel unhappy when Dalton slept. Even years later, whenever he slept in, she was checking on him constantly.

“They’ll understand.” She approached him, sitting at the edge and nudging his shoulder. He groaned. He was okay. He was there. You nosed your face further into his chest.

Neither of you had any nightmares that night. Your sleep was as black as it should be, consumed by each other's arms.

#dalton lambert x fem!reader #dalton lambert imagines #insidious the red door spoilers #insidious imagines #dalton lambert fanfiction

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m3nt4llyr4v3d · 1 month

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As much as I have opinions on how Miraculous goes about its writing, damn are the ideas it brings up so juicy

Like I feel like there’s something to be sad about how everyone deals with their problems or their trauma. Like, so many of the characters have issues, and it’s so fascinating to think about the way they respond to them

Marinette has the entire safety of Paris on her shoulders and basically in a constant state of trying to fix things even when it shouldn’t be her problem in the first place

Adrien was raised to be as obedient as possible and doesn’t know jack about how to be a kid, literally has no ambitions at the moment, he’s constantly apologizing for things that feasibly wouldn’t be his fault and trying to fit whatever mold he thinks someone wants of him

Chloe’s mom left her and is verbally abusive and calling her daughter a failure for the entirety of Paris to see, so she lashes out at everyone around her and constantly uses her dad’s power. Also the fact that two fully grown adults manipulate her before she’s sent away, just awful

Nino’s best friend has the worst dad imaginable and he felt powerless about the situation wanting to help Adrien (seriously I hope they bring up Guilttrip sometime in the future it reveals a lot of really concerning things about the characters), so he tries to be the best bro to him and give him every experience he can

No idea what happened to Lila as her backstory is uhhhhhh, but that lying, the disguises (she literally came to school in one), and the fake identities had to have come from somewhere. I remember, before the whole 3-moms-thing, theories about her lying for attention because her mom is never home and she’s genuinely lonely, using a scene where she’s talking with Nino and looks actually upset as evidence, so that’s something to consider

Luka’s dad left, and he basically became everyone’s therapist, which he really really really shouldn’t be. We’re told he’s this chill, go with the flow dude, but when your response when hearing your current girlfriend (or at least the in between friend and gf) still likes someone else and saying “I already know that”, that’s just concerning. Dude’s everyone’s therapist, but is anyone checking on him?

Juleka has anxiety and still has unresolved issues with her dad leaving and coming back and (my memory is fuzzy here) not really interacting with her? She’s quiet and keeps a lot of emotions just bottled up cause she doesn’t express them verbally

This is stuff off the top of my head, but damn. As much flack I like to give to this show, thinking about stuff like this is what keeps that little part of me who loved the show years ago alive. Like, I genuinely don’t care what some of the characters have done, I think all of them need a hug and as much therapy as possible

#miraculous ladybug #ml marinette #ml chloe #ml adrien #ml nino #ml lila #ml juleka #ml luka #ml rant #ml critical #ml criticism #fixing the tags here

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stillfrownyclownlol · 4 months

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Aiden BPD headcanonsssss because my dad is being weird and I feel weird too

(Most of these are based on my experiences living with somebody who has bpd, and maybe myself but we won't talk about that haha)

Tw for all the things bpd tends to cover (self harm, abuse, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation, brief mention of cannabis in a medical context)

-definitely a big source of trauma is his parents basically abandoning him for long stretches of time

-Prone to splitting regarding them. When they're not around its so much easier to be like "Whatever, fuck them, I don't care." But when they *are* around, they're always so affectionate, a lot of "it's not their fault they're busy", "they don't mean it", kind of thoughts...it's okay Aiden, people can still love you even if they treat you badly :/

-y'all know he's self destructive. Yall KNOW. He's been in 7 different go-kart "accidents", once broke his hip trying to impersonate Tony Hawk, and he WILL be crashing his car into a tree after binge drinking.

-Self harms as a form of stimulation sometimes. He just gets SO bored. Usually will slam his head on the nearest hard object or cut himself with his compass.

-has been to a "wellness center" (mental hospital) after an episode where when his parents were on a trip, they returned and found him catatonic on his bed, he hadn't gotten up for almost 8 weeks and his mattress was stained with urine. Not to mention he'd gotten extremely sick after eating only Ramen. Called this a "blip" and hasn't done anything like this again, but only cuz he hated the hospital so much :/

-not really good at managing his anger. He gets pissed off easily (his jaw starts clenching), but has definitely eased off with the yelling and picking a fight with the person. May say some things he may or may not regret later :/ might like kick the wall or smth too-

-his feelings of emptiness and boredom get really exacerbated when he tries to sleep, so he just doesn't sleep until he passes out from exhaustion.

-extremely rare, but if he cries its almost never the appropriate time.

-his favorite person (and I mean this in the bpd way not just the usual way) was Ben, now it's Ashlyn. She asks Ben for advice sometimes on how to understand him better. Is trying to get better, but he just wants all of her attention all the time. He could make a soliloquy of all the things he loves about her. She's the one who pushed him to go back to therapy and told him "hey, I think you have somethinh"

-Weirdly protective but in a hands off way?? Even tho he really doesn't handle himself well? He knows his friends can take care of themselves but it doesn't stop him from running through the worst case scenario. Freaks out if people are late, especially if they're punctual. Also really defensive of them, they do no wrong in his eyes (except when they do :/)

-used to push people away to avoid disappointment or abandonment, especially because they needed to move so much. All his relationships were very superficial. Ghosted people a lot.

-Has chronic pain as an adult because of all the injuries he suffered through as a kid, not to mention his shitty posture. He takes painkillers, but they leave him zoned out and with even worse insomnia so he doesn't take them a lot. Sometimes uses medicinal weed if the pain is really bad. Ash tries to help by rubbing his back, though she says she's not that useful. He always feels better afterwards tho ❤️

-Smokes if he is really stressed, but he's ashamed about it and tries not to do it too much. Picked it up after stealing some of his mom's cigarettes when he was younger.

-his inner voice is extremely negative and he is generally under the impression that everybody hates him. Tries to act like this doesn't bother him and acts like a nuisance because if everybody hates him why even bother filtering his thoughts or actions?

-why were you even born? Who'd love a screw up like you? Your own parents didn't even want you.

-rejection sensitivity and gets really depressed if he's upset one of his friends. Will usually self harm to cope because he think lashing out will make things worse and he just doesn't know what else to do.

-he loves deeply and he's fiercely loyal. He's good with children. He's a wonderful artist. And he is so very incredibly kind. His bpd does not define him as a person.

I don't know if anybody needs to hear this, but, having BPD is not a death sentence. You're not doomed to be a bad person or an abuser, and I say this as somebody who was abused by someone with BPD (my own father). People with BPD are scared, they are struggling, and most of all, they're tired. If you or somebody you care about thinks they're have bpd, try to contact a doctor or specialist and seek professional help.

I'm gonna go cry in the shower now :)

#back with another round of: guess what my dad did!#bonus points if you figure out what *i* did #sbg #school bus graveyard webtoon #sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard #aiden clark #headcanons #ashlyn banner #aidlyn #tw abuse #tw self h@rm #tw substance abuse #is weed still like #controversial in the us?#i have no idea #tw self harm

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rogueddie · 1 year

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oh my god season one steve defender, hello

am i glad to find you because i’ve ben rewatching stranger things and the fanon version of steve before the upside down seems on the harsh side now. and the way the show was comparing him to jonathan who was dealt a shitty hand in life made people a bit biased.

like, he was asshole, not refuting that! but also he was a moody teenager who didn’t know better and peer pressure is a bitch even without people making assumptions about you and your big empty house. (i think a big part of steve being so gone on nancy was because she didn’t treat him like he was an asshole. unlike others who made it seem given.)

also he tried to rectify his mistakes. didn’t try to run from that. went to jonathan to apologize, even when his face was still fucked up from the beating he got and not knowing what jonathan was doing with nancy, exactly. he trusted nancy. he was jealous and lashed out in the worst way possible but he chose to trust her—like she trusted him before he went and hurt her. didn’t want to disappoint her again.

also he made the right choice at the most important time. running back to nancy after she threatened him with a gun and a literal monster jumped out? most teenagers—hell, even adults—would not do that, not even the kind and mature ones.

he wasn’t involved with the interdimensional monster shit, unlike nancy and jonathan who each had a person they lost to it and were in deep. he chose to be involved. like. people seem to think that the upside down and its subsequent trauma was what made steve a good person. he was good to begin with, he just needed a push. the upside down didn’t happen to steve, it was the other way around. that’s a big part of why i love his character: his choice to be involved. a lot of people understate that. like.

steve isn’t connected to anyone in the party. he’s there for them all nonetheless. a rich kid just inserted himself into danger to save people, how come he catches so much heat from others?

he wasn’t bad, is what i’m getting at. he acted bad. he was innately good and just had to practice that goodness outside the influence of mouthbreathers.

Oh, people are definitely too harsh on Steve. But that's entirely the Duffers fault, I'm convinced. Most people won't have watched s1 for a while so things like Robin insisting that Steve used to be an asshole will be informing their perceptions of early Steve, or Steve telling Nancy that he really needed that knock to the head like he was the worst person before that.

He was definitely problematic, majorly so. It was his friends who were the assholes but he didn't try that hard to stop them- we see him trying to scold Tommy for going too far, but it's only after he implies that Jonathan is responsible. He initiates it too, even if his comment isn't necessarily that bad.

And trying to make up for his mistakes? That was almost immediately afterwards as well. With the implication of his father cheating, obviously he's going to be paranoid about that type of thing happening to him just like his mom. It makes sense that he'd overreact and went way too far. He was upset and a kid!

Plus, on the point of him choosing to go back- isn't he the only one who really chooses to keep getting involved in the Upside Down, even though he doesn't really have any personal stakes in it?

Like, s1 he's given an out. Nancy pointed a gun at him and Jonathan isn't exactly a friend, but he goes back anyway. And in s2, he could've told Dustin no. He didn't need to babysit or agree to help him, he had no real reason to and it's heavily implied that the two aren't close at all. Then in s3, he could've turned Dustin away too. Why would Steve want to waste time on translating Russian? He had a job! S4 is the only time he has any personal stakes bc at that point he's good friends with Dustin and it's a clearly dangerous situation.

He's always had a very clear pattern of behavior that is the same now as it was in s1. Considering he's a rich kid, it would make sense that hed get stuck in a certain crowd too and of course theyd be assholes.

#ask #I'm going to brainwash everyone into also loving season 1 steve

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pinkandpurple360 · 4 months

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Octavia suffers more than Jesus… She’s going through so much horrible shit as a kid with nobody giving a damn or being support for her. None of the adults in the show really care. She should bite and kill people she deserves to. Her and Vaggie are the only good characters… Charlie has potential too.

I mean, think about it. The only other person she seems to know and talk to is her own dad. People say she’s immature but I don’t blame her because her two parents have arrested development themselves, both emotionally at the teenage level. Does she have any friends at all? Mentors? Is there a single adult in her life that is transparent with her, has a healthy mindset, and doesn’t want to take advantage? Doesn’t she go to school? Have any aspirations in life? If at almost 18 she has none of these things then her parents clearly failed her. It’s a good thing Stolas taught Octavia to love stars because that’s what she has to do for the rest of her life.

She has to grapple with the idea that her parents are divorcing for *some* reason that she doesn’t know, they apparently won’t tell her, her once reserved shy dad has become a sex maniac with some guy who doesn’t like him, your mom has become openly violent and doesn’t pay attention to you, they never loved each other, never wanted to be together, but apparently told you that they did? Why? They never wanted Via to even exist. But played house for 17 years. Her very conception is a source of trauma and disgust to both her parents and an obligation they both had to go through. No wonder they ignore her and leave at the first chance. (How she sees it)

After this all comes out. She sees herself as the source of her fathers abuse while blitz is the “hero” that will take him away. And that came right from the horses mouth pardon the pun.

“The only reason I have endured your constant insults and cruelty was for that girl to have a normal life”

“The only thing the Goetia family wanted is already seventeen so it’s over, I’m done”

—if she heard these things man it’d be her worst nightmare. Especially the second one. No wonder she thinks he’s ditching and she feels like an obligation. Stolas made two massive mistakes here, it implies he kept Stella around on purpose for one? And he never looked forward (which is part of his job) and planned what he wanted out of this. I think he wanted what he didn’t have which is a mom and dad, but that’s not what Via needed, she needed honesty and safety.

Maybe he was threatened to secrecy, I don’t know, but that wouldn’t stop me. And it also would make no sense because she clearly has no idea about her inheritance.

And the worst part is because her dad, who’s been her guardian, decided to lie to her about it all she had to hear it from her manipulative uncle and by stumbling onto her dads substance abuse problems. Why didn’t he just sit her down and explain things to her? It’s just so cowardly.

#helluva boss #Octavia

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 7 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/goldenfoot/730129219314663424/i-was-considering-recently-how-kataras-necklace thoughts ??

*sighs* Okay, let's do this.

"Katara didn't go into detail about her grief during her bonding moments with the other guys"

1 - The reason Katara brought up her mom during these moments was because she could relate to the pain, say, Aang and Haru were feeling, and wanted to comfort THEM. When you're trying to help someone, you can bring up your experiences, but you don't make it all about you.

2 - Katara first started talking to Zuko about her mom in Ba Sing Se because she felt he was trying to diminish the suffering the war his nation/family started. She literally starts with a "How dare you?" And in the Southern Raiders, she only chose to talk to Zuko about it after a long time of them traveling on a mission specifically to hunt down Kya's killer. Of course it came up and felt like the right moment to discuss it a bit more in depth.

3 - The Southern Raiders was part of Zuko's life-changing field trips with his new friends, with them bonding - it would not make sense to NOT have him bond with them in ways that were different with how they all had bonded with each other before because it'd get boring to watch.

4 - Talking about traumatic events can be VERY difficult. Sokka didn't really discuss his trauma about his mom dying until book 3 - it's not that weird that Katara did the same.

5 - I'd argue that her talk with Haru WAS pretty in depth. It was only focusing more on the bond she had with her mom BEFORE the tragedy, not the tragedy itself.

"Zuko is the only one that 'wore' the necklace as well, symbolizing his in depth understanding of Katara's pain"

Zuko didn't have the necklace in his pocket, but rather on his wrist, because this is a TV series, and the whole point is that we should SEE things that will be significant in the episode.

Zuko had that necklace in the first place because HE STOLE IT. She did not trust him with it, did not allow him to touch, and show frames him getting it as NEGATIVE thing. It could NEVER be a symbol of any kind of trust or friendship (let alone romance) between him and Katara, because it was a way to show HOW ZUKO COULD AND WOULD HURT HER! Him stealing it, taunting her with it is literally another cruel reminder to Katara that even after taking away her mom, the Fire Nation STILL could take away even the little things that gave Katara comfort after all of that - see Zuko trying to capture/kill the boy Katara explicitly called FAMILY.

Even worse, while he did do a good thing by helping Katara confront the man that killed Kya, Zuko did it for all the wrong reasons. He came up with some bullshit theory of how Katara was TOTALLY not mad at him for essentially handing the victory to the Fire Nation and nearly killing Aang in the process, but was in fact "unfairly" shifting blame for her mom's death onto him (like "I lost my mom" wasn't exactly what they were bonding about before he stabbed her in the back).

Sure, by the end he was genuinely thinking of what he thought was justice, but that doesn't change the fact that at start he literally used her trauma to get her forgiveness because he thought he deserved it already (not to mention, having Zuko, the boy who was banished for trying to DEFEND the soldiers of his nation, suddenly be okay with killing one of them because of past horrible actions, like he was not doing the same thing two weeks before, is one of the WORST aspects of an otherwise pretty good episode).

"Zuko is the only one to wear the symbol of Katara's trauma, like she's the only one to touch his scar, showing their connection"

*Dies laughing* My guy, Mai was nuzzling said scar every other episode, which Zuko seemed to like quite a lot. Stop lying.

Also, Katara touched it to try to heal it - after Zuko had just told her he no longer resented it being there as he no longer felt that scar defined him as a person. While Katara's intention was sweet, that kinda shows how, even during a bonding moment, she and Zuko are NOT on the same page.

"Why was Zuko mentioned during the flirty Kataang moment?"

This is what people call a "joke." The show is making fun of the idea of Zuko giving Katara that necklace back and getting a kiss in return because the writers considered the thought that absurd. Hence the sarcastic tone, and hence Katara kissing AANG. The guy that actually gave her the necklace back with good intentions.

(Seriously, IMAGINE using "Sure, the show is actively making fun of the idea of Zuko and Katara bonding because of that necklace, and showing us how she's into Aang, but this is TOTALLY secretly proving how great Zutara is, trust me" as an argument).

#anti zutara #pro kataang

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eyesanddragons · 8 months

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Rambling incoming. People often remember the book 10 vase scene & the epilogue as poorly written (and they are), but I'd argue that what happens after the vase scene is just as badly written, if not worse.

Being told that Darkstalker not only brainwashed one of her friends, but also attempted to kill off his entire tribe with a plague, should have been the final straw for Moon. She had already experienced a SEVERE breach in trust with Darkstalker before he even emerged from the mountain, so much so that it put her into tears (end of book 8). She should have immediately realized that trying to redeem Darkstalker would necessarily put the lives of her friends, Winter's tribe, and the world at risk, as long as he still had his powers. She should have immediately started focusing on how to neutralize DS as soon as possible. Maybe neutralize him in a way where she can safely try to redeem him without gambling the world on it, but not if it requires the sacrifice of her friend's safety. She should have redirected her empathy towards the friends she KNOWS she can trust. This does not happen. Instead, she throws herself a pity-party, like she is the real victim in all of this. She stubbornly insists that he can still be redeemed much to the dismay of Winter and the questioning of Qibli, and then puts the entire world at risk by betting on him willingly eating the strawberry to find redemption. It is ONLY through the serendipitous hubris of Darkstalker that he is defeated. Yet the books do not hold Moon to task on ANY of this completely blind and genuinely selfish crusade of hers. No, it's everyone else's fault for not believing in her.

A few short pages after the vase scene, Moon outright channels suburban mom energy out of nowhere, infantilizes Winter as if he is a toddler throwing a temper tantrum over spilt milk, and basically tells him to go to his room. All because he was upset that, after being told that DS nearly wiped out the IceWings and brainwashed one of her closest friends, she wanted to go talk to the culprit. She refuses to explain why and doesn't even try to understand why Winter is so upset. Yet she calmly explains her reasons to Qibli on the very next page. This scene alone made me almost quit WoF entirely because it straight-up invalidates Winter's trauma while, somehow, framing him as the unreasonable one.

After their conversation with Darkstalker, they realize they have to tell Winter that Queen Glacier, his aunt whom he genuinely cared about and valued so much that he made it a cornerstone of his identity early in the arc, has been killed by Darkstalker's plague. So, since they are such good friends they would feel genuine empathy and sorrow for him, right? Dreading the task of telling him because it will be a genuinely difficult thing to do, to tell a close friend that a loved one of theirs died? Lmao nope. Instead, all Qibli and Moon are worried about is that he might yell at them. Moon's only response to Qibli's worry is "I've heard worse in his head." Not "he's allowed to mourn," or "he's been through a lot recently, cut him some slack." Imagine if your friends, behind your back, learned of your loved ones passing and went "Oh god, alright let's draw straws on who has to tell this guy."

The 2nd half of book 10 is, to this day, probably some of the worst, most mean-spirited writing I've ever seen in... anything really. It systematically destroyed the found family to resolve a love triangle that nobody wanted, because letting Moon and Qilbi just choose each other was apparently *not* an option.

The Vase scene and how the character's react and treat Winter in the 2nd half of Book 10 is one of the reasons why it's my least favorite WoF book. It really is unnecessarily mean spirited. Though I do wanna touch a bit on what you say here. Specifically about Moon since I think her actions her could of actually been handled in an interesting and impactful way.

This isn't to defend the Vase scene or anything...it's really bad and honestly I think it's worse with this context. I just wanna mention this since I think Moon is a really under-utilized character.

Moon's in a horrifically toxic friendship with Darkstalker, he repeatedly makes Moon feel responsible for his actions, he isolates her from her friends, he constantly pleads with her to stay with him because it'll make him better or make him stop acting horrible. It's notable that Moon is the only one Darkstalker didn't enchant because her Behavior is like someone who was enchanted. Darkstalker doesn't need to enchant Moon, he's already got his grubby in her 13 or so year old mind. Moonwatcher also has a surprisingly black-and-white worldview. Moonwatcher sorts thoughts into bad and good and judges people by them. Darkstalker exploited this by showing Moon all the good things he wants and all the good things he thinks.

If we get rid of all the magic from Darkstalker for a second what we have is a horror story where a much older teenager is manipulating a much younger one to Stay With Them so that They don't Kill Anyone. This is Deeply Horrifying and I'm not even going to touch on how he compares her to Clearsight because it becomes even creepier and I don't want to talk about stuff like that at the moment.

This is why I hate the vase scene even more! Because if we divorce it from the rest of book 10 for a bit it's actually a deeply fucking terrifying scene where Moonwatcher's sense of self is so reliant on Fixing Darkstalker that the idea of him doing something so horrible is something she can't accept because if she Does that means she's at fault.

Plus part of the worry in the vase scene is coming from how Moonwatcher trusts Darkstalker still, and how Darkstalker can read her mind. Winter is putting Moon at risk by telling her this. Could you imagine if Darkstalker Did decide to do something to Moon because of what Winter did? Moon is being put in danger by that information.

Of course we live in a world where book 10 sucks and Moonwatcher is barely a character outside of the love triangle so we don't get that. Moonwatcher's personality changes depending on what the love triangle needs to continue. The clearest example of this is Moon Wanting to Abandon waiting for Winter in Escaping Peril when SHE'S the one who wanted to wait for him in the first place!

I think one of my major problems with Book 10 is that, due to the romance plot, a lot of characters feel like there being given a script by Tui herself for the plot to go like this. So, as you mentioned, instead of acting like concerned friends who just learned that there friend's aunt was practically murdered, Qibli and Moon act really dismissive and even cruel. Complaining about being yelled at rather than the fact that Winter's Aunt is Dead. However this scene is supposed to push the romance further, to show how Winter is less attractive to Moon compared to Qibli.

Now, again, really fucked up to use his aunt's death as the backdrop here, but it is the purpose of the scene. This book is so meanspirited and horrible I Hate it god I hate Book 10-

#asks #book 10 I hope you get erased from the universe forever #hmm...feel like I need a cw for this but dont know what #ask to tag

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queer-advice-hotline · 3 months

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Hi 😅 I hope this is okay to ask, I’ll try to be brief but will probably fail at that. Basically I’ve been raised in a Christian household, very conservative too. But I met a far more liberal Christian friend and over time .. sort of am to the point I think I might be left-leaning too (definitely more than my family). This scares me. I don’t want to disappoint my family by being liberal …

She also recently talked to me about evolution which I was never taught about, the most I learned was reading a single textbook that talked about it around college. And … it all makes sense. I even went to the religious science site my dad says proves evolution is false and I can’t find any actual proof evolution is false. Everything is evidence to the contrary and .. I’ve listened to videos about experiments where cells clump together and start getting more complex and it’s honestly so exciting? That’s so cool? But … I can’t help but think of how disappointed my family will be about this, too …

But the worst part .. I’ve been holding off on looking into LGBT stuff because I don’t know what I’ll find. I’ve never had a crush on an actual guy (I’m a girl), even though easily over 20 guys have expressed interest in the past, some just said I was hot and kind of asked me out, others expressed wanting to marry me. I’ve never dated, ever. I only like fictional characters really, and the only strong connection has been literally 12 years of loving a character. My affection for him went into full force when I empathized with him, but I’m also autistic and he’s my special interest, so idk how that factors into it. Some of my friends say I’m demi, but I’ve insisted I’m straight and I’m just picky. I don’t know if I am. I also … have met or been friends with three girls over the years, or presumably girls, that I know I wanted to spend time with or get to know, I’d be nervous around (but I also have anxiety ..) or still think about sometimes. But I don’t think I’d want to have sex with a girl … idk, it’s really confusing because my mom always told me people think they’re LGBT because of wounds, and I definitely have been wounded in the past. But I also … I just don’t feel attracted to most people … but I also can find any person attractive or pretty? I just don’t necessarily want to do anything with them? Like recently I saw a video game character who I felt very Eh about, like he’s pretty I guess, until I learned he has trauma and now he seems more appealing because I empathize with him.

But … I don’t know what to do. My faith is extremely important to me and I know I have to have some sort of spirituality no matter what. But I just … I just can’t be LGBT. It’ll destroy my family and I might not have a place to live if I decide I am. Especially if I got a partner like that. I don’t know … I know I’m already such a disappointment for disagreeing politically and .. probably believing in evolution, and now I need to look into LGBT stuff because I need to know if what I’ve been taught is wrong, but I’m so, so, so scared. I can’t … be this. I just can’t. I don’t know if I am.

I’m sorry, this was kind of a vent and I’m sorry if any language is poorly-worded. I’m living in a constant state of anxiety right now so I am probably saying things wrong and I apologize. I just don’t know what to do. If you read this, thank you - and I hope you have a good day.

I think coming to terms with your identity may help you, even if you don't tell anyone. Your family doesn't have to know until you're ready to tell them, or they never even have to know at all.

It's important to remember that you don't need to rush into anything either. This is a pretty big change from what you described as your lifestyle, so it makes sense that you are having a lot of feelings of anxiety over this. Rushing into a new identity won't help you, especially if you aren't ready for it.

As for you religion, you can be religious and lgbtq, there are plenty of quuer people who are religious, and talking with some of hem might help you. They could give you advice on your family and you identity. Any religious quuer people feel free to reply to this with advice.

#queer advice hotline #1-800-queer #advice calls #sexuality calls #romantic orientation calls #long distance calls #queer #religion

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hay1ock · 8 months

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Episode 4 of Only Friends

Well, that was quite the episode. I’m going to be discussing stuff that happened, so if you’re aware of anything in the episode that upsets you please bear that in mind. I don’t intend to be all in your face about it but people have different limits. I myself was fine with the episode on first watch, but the second time it really hit me how there are certain things about Ray I relate to and I had a bad time for a little while. But *deep breath* it’s all good now and I’m ready to ramble. Also, I feel like my thoughts are going to be bouncing all over the place with all the various moving parts and stuff that happened this episode.

So, might as well get straight to it, the big one, Ray (+ Mew + Sand). Ray, the human version of the Poor Boy t-shirt. His whole breakdown in the bathtub about being unloved, unwanted, how he ruined his mom’s life, man Khaotung delivered. I’m guessing it might be a case of his mom getting pregnant was unplanned/inconvenient - like his mom had to give up her career, or maybe having him trapped her with a man she didn’t love or in a bad relationship, which in turn led to her drinking and ignoring him, and ultimately to her death. Based on the younger version of Ray, he was what? Mid teens maybe. He said high school so maybe 14-16 range. Was his mom like that since his birth or did it start later, she slowly began resenting him?

I’m glad Mew had enough about him to go round and check on Ray. (I know his friends get some crap - Boston rightly so - about not caring about him, but there is only so much they can do if Ray isn’t ready, as he needs to be willing to help himself) Ray’s little face and his voice when he saw Mew had come though… “You’re here?” Surprise/relief that he’d put his faith in the right person. Mew really had answered his cry for help. Ray deserves a big hug. It’s not hard to see why he cares about Mew, why he answered his phone, why he would support Mew’s relationship with Top even though he dislikes Top, and yes, I’m sure jealousy is part of it, but there is genuine concern about the kind of person Top is, and if he’s good enough. But yeah, whether it’s romantic love or something else, I’m not sure. I imagine it’s a bit of a mix. He sees Mew as having saved him so there’s probably a bit of seeing him as his hero, the only person who, up to that point (or that we know of), had shown any affection or concern for him and it might be those feelings warped into a romantic love, or maybe it’s just the desperate need to keep Mew close, keep that one ‘good’ relationship and person at his side and he has mistaken his feelings for love beyond that of friendship. Ray is a whole bag of emotions and trauma, and untangling those for him to explore his feelings about both his past and what’s happening now will be hard and most likely hurt him and people around him (and me!).

I’m glad we got to see what happened regarding the video and the kiss and well, to say I’m disappointed in Boston and Top is an understatement - will talk more about them later. Also, I know Boston is a bad friend, but seriously, knowing everything about Ray and still messing with his head last episode and even calling Ray a burden back in episode 1, Boston you are the absolute worst lol.

But anyway, the kiss, the one in the past. I’m sad Mew couldn’t return Ray’s feelings and it must have been hard to hear that he was perhaps the only thing that was keeping Ray from hurting himself. 2 years ago, so he’s 19/20 yrs old, being told that must have been rough and a lot of responsibility, and then the fear of what Ray might do if Mew rejected him. That change in music seems like a reflection of Mew’s anxiety of the situation. I do like Mew and that from what we’ve seen he is pretty straightforward and honest. He kissed Ray back, but as he’s said, up until Top, no one had been able to make his heart tremble. I wonder how things might have changed if he had felt something. Would Ray have been able to get a handle on his drinking? Despite 2 years passing, he’s still in the same place, maybe worse where his drinking is concerned. Could he have changed? Or would he just have made them both miserable? Guess we might end up finding out as him and Sand get closer.

Skipping back to the present and ahhhh Ray nooooo. I don’t agree with him kissing Mew and am glad he was called out for his behaviour, but I do feel like I understand why he did it, or at least see why he might have. First, we had Boston messing with him, bringing his feelings of ‘love’ back to the surface and also adding fuel to his worries about Top - don’t be a side character, do something before it’s too late, ie save Mew from Top. We also have Mew, he’s told Ray he phoned Top for help first and he’s also trying to push Ray’s feelings towards Sand (I believe Mew was doing so with good intentions, wanting to see Ray happy and have someone now Top has taken a chunk of his time), but I feel like Ray pushed back against that. I believe he has been feeling something for Sand, even if just out of curiosity, but in a way that’s a betrayal to his feelings for Mew, the person he literally owes his life to. I imagine he’s confused and desperate to reaffirm that Mew is the one he loves. Mew is telling him to be with someone who loves and takes care of him and for Ray that person is Mew. So, I get it, but don’t agree with it. Glad he apologised again at the end and I’m glad Mew was able to accept the apology. I feel like he backed down from pressing Ray further about the ‘why’ behind the kiss, maybe not wanting to distress Ray who looked to struggle when Mew asked. I hope they can maintain their friendship. I know Ray can’t change how he feels about Mew overnight. Whether Mew fully knew about Ray still liking him, I’m not sure, but either way, it’s all out there now, so hopefully, Ray can move forward.

And talking of where he should be heading in his attempt to move on, him and Sand. I don’t know if it’s because it’s First and Khaotung, or just the way they are portraying the characters, but they have the most ‘romantic’ chemistry at the moment for me (Nick and Boston has so far been more primal, sexual, and then Mew and Top… I don’t even know what theirs is, it’s mostly anxiety inducing is what. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like my stomach drops and both characters give off vibes of wanting control).

I love seeing Ray and Sand together. I love Ray’s puppy eyes. I love that Sand can’t say no to Ray’s puppy eyes. Sand seems a pretty strong-willed guy so if he really didn’t want to do something I’m sure he would say so. He had no problems communicating to Ray about how he felt at the music store and I’m glad he didn’t actually scold Ray and call him any names. There was just this strange sadness when Ray said ‘Burden on Society’. I don’t know if Sand sensed anything, but I think him discussing his boundaries, like with Ray wanting to buy him things, and that he isn’t something Ray can pick up to play with when he’s lonely to then forget about until the next time, I think Ray needs that. Other than money, we still don’t don’t know what kind of relationship he has with his father, or if he had any positive role models/relationships growing up that would help him learn about things such as boundaries and making real connections with other people, not just by throwing money around. I do believe Ray cares about Sand’s feelings, not necessarily because he sees him as special or for romantic reasons, but Sand is a person in his life now and it feels like Ray doesn’t intend to upset people on purpose, he wants to be cared for but also wants to be able to care for others, even as far as to ‘save’ them. I like that Ray is able to realise when he’s in the wrong and apologise, he did it in episode 1, and a couple of times in this episode. People make mistakes, not everyone can admit to them and apologise.

The record store scenes were lovely. The conversation about music. The suggestion that Ray is stuck in the past with his mother’s music and his trauma, and with his feelings for Mew. That discovering new bands brings Sand happiness and the implication that Ray should do the same, step outside that damn room that he’s surrounded himself with his mom’s records and find something new to explore. To find himself a little bit of happiness. I loved the small smile from Ray as he seemed to be considering Sand’s words. Chronologically, we then have them listening to music and staring and hand touching. The way Sand looks at Ray *dreamy sigh*. It was nice to see Ray in a moment of peace, at least that’s what it felt like. A moment to just pause the world and as Sand said “let music do the work.” And so, after going to Mew’s to apologise, we’re then back in a bath tub, bookending the episode nicely. That flashback though, yet again, can not blame Ray for clinging onto Mew and what feelings he had for him. Ray of sunshine *cries* I interpret the end as him making peace with his feelings, or at the very least, realising that no matter what, nothing more can ever come from them and so it’s time to move on, even if he just takes a tiny step in the direction of the owner of the Poor Boy t-shirt. I really hope that no matter what heartbreak lies ahead, these two find a way to a happy ending together, even if it’s Ray goes to rehab, gets some therapy and we skip ahead however many months, and they meet up again afterwards. So a fresh start and we’re left hopeful they’ll work things out.

Okay, that first part might have been way too long, but I’m bias towards Ray and so… that’s how I roll lol. The next bits might be shorter, or they might not lol. Next the Boston and Nick and Top (+ Sand) mess.

Boston, you are the worst. I mean, I kind of get filming your friends in a ‘haha look at these idiots, I’m so teasing them tomorrow’ kind of way, but still, dick move. And you know what another dick move is? Screwing with your friend’s kinda boyfriend (still confused on how long it’s been - under 3 months based on what Boston said last ep - and what Top and Mew consider themselves to be, as Top kept referring to Mew as his boyfriend last ep and this one and Mew complained about Top not introducing him as his boyfriend to Beam at the silent disco), and then for his ultimate dick move, we have Boston forcing himself on Top. I’m glad Top actively pushed Boston off him this time and told him a few home truths. I said before it feels more about Boston’s pride and some weird one-sided rivalry/jealousy. Like even in the flashback, he seemed to be competing with Ray, but also dragging Mew into the conversation with Cheum. Like ‘I can’t beat Ray, but what about Mew? I’m sexier and a better option than him right?’. Honestly, I feel like, if gmmtv would let us have nice things and let Neo and Khao out of the friends zone for a minute, Boston would be that guy to comfort Ray and maybe makeout/sleep with him just to show he was that little bit better than Mew - ‘at least I fucked ya’. He seems to have no remorse over anything at the moment. Whether he grows as a person or is a dick until the end, I guess we’ll have to wait and see. We got a nice bit of info about his dad if anyone was looking to really mess things up for him. Not looking at anyone in particular… Nick.

So, Nick. Boston really should have changed his passcode after Nick fixed his phone lol. He is walking a dangerous line of obsession and I’m not sure exactly where he’ll fall by the end. He was like a smitten kitten in the first couple of episodes, and he looked at Boston with hope and adoration, but there was a significant difference in how Boston’s words worked (or rather didn’t seem to) this episode when they were together. It currently stands as him wanting to get Boston, for them to be in love, but, depending where both his and Boston’s games take them, I feel like it might just come down to him wanting to ruin Boston in the end. You don’t love me? Well sucks to be you. I am here for Nasty Nick and his obsessive listening to Top and Boston moaning (poor Sand though - he did not need to hear that lol) And then he brings Top into it, and in turn Sand (and we find out Top stole Sand’s ex - gonna assume that person will pop up at some point). Well, everybody will know about Top and Boston but Mew at this point. I have this horrible feeling when stuff comes out Ray will find out Sand already knew and that might be one of many reasons they have problems.

So Top and Mew. Their relationship is the strangest to me. It might be because as the audience we know more of what Top’s been doing behind Mew’s back, see more of his smug smirky face that I want to punch occasionally, whereas we don’t know that much about Mew as an individual, but I don’t know… *stares at them*. I know Top got Mew’s heart all a flutter but sometimes, I’m left questioning what Mew sees in Top and does he actually like him? They can have some ridiculously cute moments, the disco, the Photo Booth, in the shower. Then they have some really off feeling and tense, challenging each other moments, Top coming off as possessive and pulling him away from his friends, the reset scene at laser tag, the scenes at the end of this episode. I like that Mew isn’t a pushover but getting with Top seems exhausting to me.

Another thing I like is that Mew doesn’t judge Top based on his past or who he’s slept with. Like I said Mew seems to be honest and straightforward and he wants Top to be the same with him. And I’m very much a judge you by what you do now not your past kind of person myself (obviously there are some exceptions to that). The plane in Top’s room got me curious. Is there a Boeing? I assume so as even before he told Mew and the only B I could think of at the time was Boston, I was like, surely not. Boston doesn’t seem in the least bit sentimental and not sure what a plane has to do with anything, but I did have second thoughts as the camera lingered and shifted focus from the plane to the model car that looks very much like Boston’s behind it. It might mean nothing, or maybe ‘Boeing’ will show up, the shot is framing two issues that can come between Top and Mew in the future - Boston and this Boeing person.

Top keeps pulling me in and has me thinking, okay maybe he is trying to be a better person, he just keeps fucking up, you know, like people do, and then just as quickly, I’m screaming trash at him. Where as Boston falls on the love to hate him side of villainy, Top keeps sticking his head over the line into just hate him territory. We’ll have to see where things go. I did think he’d called Beam over for sex at first, but not seeing the scene play out I wondered if it was something else - like just hang out, drink and sleep, as Top was clearly feeling guilty thinking back to moments with Mew and Boston, so I thought he might have trouble sleeping. As it was it was drugs. One way to knock yourself out I guess… whether it’s always just been drugs with Beam, looking back at the conversation at the silent disco, who knows, and I would have given him the benefit of the doubt, as I do want to believe he wants to change, but he’d already got arsey over Ray, Mew’s friend, being there and apparently not happy that he got his knickers in a twist over a kiss from 2 years ago, so was doubting Mew when he said it stopped at the kiss, and THEN initiated some weird deal for him stopping drugs. Again, we know more stuff than Mew, but with that music choice too, it felt all kinds of sleazy to me. If I was Mew I would not have been in the mood for sexy shenanigans, but hey, you do you, and hand jobs don’t have to be that deep. Fucking loved it when Mew said no penetration, take it or leave it lol.

OKAY. I think I’m done. There were probably other things I wanted to comment on, but the rambling was strong with this one lol. Looking forward to Episode 5.

#only friends the series #only friends episode 4 #only friends series #firstkhaotung #sandray #forcebook #topmew #bostonnick #firstkhao #neomark #i love a good ramble #crying at mew calling him ray of sunshine #i just want Ray to be happy #i’m biased and I know it lol

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lnc2 · 11 months

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i know this won't sound like a revelation and i mean maybe it's not because of course i've known i've been living it but like

pet death is so fucking painful and real and constant

like losing rory was like losing a part of myself and even when i was at my worst (hospitalized) i still felt guilty for being so distraught and even though it's been nearly six years this december i'm still so easily triggered and can be set off if i'm not expecting certain reminders or anniversaries and like

yeah a bunch of other things happened around that time and the way it happened really cemented the Trauma and deeply embedded it into my body but i don't cry for my pets from childhood the way i do for rory

and i think about losing toby and i just... can't handle it?

and i've finally accepted or believe even though i've always Known it's because they're with me always. like your pets, especially the ones that are v present and interact w you in a v real way and are so smart and have their own personalities, they're yours, they're your kid, they're your best friend

i don't spend time with anyone the way i spend time w my dogs. i told/tell them everything, i schedule my days around them.

good morning toby, how's my boy, are you hungry, did you sleep well? i have a doctor's appt today, i'm anxious about this, can i have a hug? do you want to go to the park? let's watch a movie, i have to go out of town but i love you, are you feeling okay? do i need to take you to the vet? am i just being crazy? is this my trauma or my instincts telling me you're sick?

every year with him is one more year without her and one more year closer to being without him and just

i grieved rory the week she died before the accident even happened just sobbing like i'd lost her even though i had no reason to and didn't even know why i was crying and then i lost her bc no one believed me when i said she was sick and i didn't advocate or fight hard enough for her until it was too late.

so now toby slips when trying to jump on the sofa or sighs too much or his nose is runny or whatever and i'm on the verge of a panic attack and calling my mom to make sure i'm not being crazy before i schedule an emergency vet appt and just how do i know what's my trauma and what's my instincts? i don't know when to trust myself anymore all while knowing i can only trust myself.

i'm neurotic about his health, his environment, who he's with. if i can't have him in a place i can 100% control and guarantee is safe then i want him with people i know will take his safety as seriously as i do because they know if something happens to him i will lose it, catastrophically, wholly, entirely.

there are ways rory is still with me that are good and then there are ways that are very much... not.

idk if it's just because it was her and the how and when of it all but the end result was just complete and total devastation of my entire world. and i know it will be the same with him so even though he's happy and (hopefully please god hopefully) healthy i spend most of my time worrying that i'm not doing enough even though all he wants to do is to lay at my feet and play tug of war.

maybe it's bc i live alone, but idts i was crazy about her even when we lived w roommates, and i know i'd be the same with toby and i don't even know if i could trust someone to live with us anyways because would they see all the potential disasters as naturally as i do and make sure nothing happens? would they care like i do?

idk. rory's birthday was this past week and i was so exhausted from wedding stuff i don't think i was feeling any of it consciously but i'm feeling it tonight bc anniversaries are really hard even the happy ones, even so many years later.

everything with rory was a fight and a challenge (so so worth it, i've never connected w anyone spiritually like i did with that damn dog) and toby for all his size and sometimes annoyingness and for all that i resisted loving him the first year i had him is mostly so easy even when you think he shouldn't be. idk what it says about either of them but i think the universe sent him to me because they knew i needed a hardy dog, one that was sturdy even though he is a giant baby, and one that would take my anxiety and just let it roll off of him because everything after that left me so so fragile.

i'm sad she would have been eight. i'm said she never saw three. toby is five and will be six. numbers like these play through my head always. i've had him longer than i had her and yet and yet and yet

i keep telling myself i shouldn't still be crying this many years gone but it feels so new and so now whenever i think of her so i try not to think of her (my therapist says it's PTSD) but then i only remember the bad and not the many, many good.

it's okay i'm still sad, or something stronger than that. i love her and that's good and it's okay to cry. toby is taking care of me and i'm taking care of him and hopefully in many many many years they'll take care of each other.

i just needed to get this out, somewhere, i know it's disjointed and doesn't have a point but so are my feelings and i just wanted to acknowledge them even if it was only to myself

#not ml #tw pet loss #not toby just memories #and anniversaries even good ones are hard #now everyone knock on the nearest wood surface for me so i don't jinx anything #also why tf doesn't read more work the first time you enter it and you have to go back and edit a post?

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winns-stuff · 1 year

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So in regards to persephones almost non existant trauma and not having female friends - right after the SA she... Calls Hades of all people. A guy she just met. And then immediately after (idk if it was hours or like a day?) She invites Hades into her house (against Artemis' rules and yes Artemis breaks them too which is dumb) and cuddles with him in her bed. The same bed where she was just raped. Like I get not wanting to tell her mom... And Artemis but what about Daphne or literally any of the other nymphs? Why is Persephone so isolated from any female connections so she Has to rely on Hades only (and her male friends like Eros Telling her what happened was assault).

(Also as an aside why is every introduction Persephone have with all men be with her naked or being manipulated and sometimes underage?)

Ares - manipulated her into kissing him by lying and might have done more.

Hades - she was drunk. And their "first" meeting that apparently neither of them remember until RS wrote it into the plot was with Hades being drunk and them both falling into each other naked.

Hermes - met her in demeters sacred pond while Persephone was naked and bathing.

Apollo - creepy + possessive. assaults her.

Eros - got her drunk in the first place (on his mothers orders) and placed her in a strange mans car.

Zeus - manipulates her mom Demeter into taking + hiding his affairs.

Kronos - like many other lo men, lusts after her.

The Only guy who I think hasn't met Persephone under creepy circumstances is ... Hephaestus - and actually wait. He meets her (and actually I think before he met her in person?) Hera gave him access to persephones phone (or apollos phone?) So he Still saw Persephone naked via photos, without her permission or knowledge because his mom, Hera told Persephone she would "make the problem go away".

So yeah actually nearly every man that Persephone interacts with that we see on screen has met her under false pretenses, or is creepy or has seen her naked and again, a lot of drunkenness and questionable age gaps etc.

Yeah this is what I’m talking about Rachel for some reason cannot just write normal romance there’s always some weird predatory underlining with it, and not only that she can’t write male relationships without the guys wanting to get with her which is really sad and off because a lot of men still warrant friendships with women hoping for a relationship with them. And this just furthers it down because that’s literally how she sets up most of Persephone’s “friendships” with guys in LO. It’s just incredibly weird and uncomfortable to watch all of this fold out knowing this information, I can’t believe more people don’t hold her accountable because this has to be one of the worst pieces of media romanticization cases I’ve ever seen.. And I’ve been on the internet a bunch of times and I’ve seen many terrible things get romanticized but this takes the cake. How in the world can fans still support their relationship when it’s so completely inappropriate and just wrong, this goes beyond the height difference.

edit : please read my comment in the thing and tell me what you think, I’m leaning on a trigger warning somewhat but I’m not really sure how to go about it if that makes any sense.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo

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unstableblond · 7 months

Text

story time about how my older sister is a horrible person lol

my sister was always irresponsible and never really cared about anything other than MEN

she literally abandoned her children because of men because her life was destroyed by herself because of this obsession with men, and the funny thing is that all the men she ever dated were all insane and just as broke as she was

her daughter's father took his daughter to live with him because my sister was clearly not a good mother, there was even one time when she went out drinking and trying to k herself while her children were with her, which is completely crazy and disgusting of her!! she literally didn't even care about the trauma it caused her children and all this because of a damn man

i remember the night i took care of my cousin and it broke my heart to see her crying and i spent the whole time trying to calm her down..and it makes me angry how she was taken away from us..she was not only a cousin but also a best friend to me

in the final months of 2021 i found out that my sister's boyfriend hit her and i knew this only because i heard her conversation with my mom, my blood started bubbling when i heard this and i wanted so bad to destroy this guy..she broke up with him later and then one day we had a conversation together and she swore to me that she would never go back with that man but at the same time she said that she missed him ugh i said it's normal to feel attached to a person but no matter what she shouldn't get back together with him, she promised me, but a while after that i found out that she got back together with him AND IT MADE ME SO INSANELY ANGRY i swear!! i never felt so mad as i felt that day.. but she is an adult woman and we cannot control her choices but only advise so there was nothing we could do..i told to mom that if my sister wants to keep that monster then ok but i didn't want her to bring that monster close to our family and she agreed but after a few months my mother and i moved to a new address and guess what 💀 she came to my new house to help and brought that damn man and I literally freaked out and started screaming saying a lot of things to him and her

i screamed loudly that i didn't want him in my house or near my family or i would report him to the police for abusing my sister and this bastard left with my sister who got mad at me for literally making getting mad at her for getting back together with her abuser 💀 she really thought i would be smiling, jumping, and dropping flowers when i see that she was back with her abuser bffr

she has stolen money from my mom many times throughout her life without even asking permission and she always did that with my mom's clothes too

in addition to dating broke and unstable men, she tries to bring them into our lives to become our problem too because she wants to destroy our lives just like she did with her own

we don't want to meet your new boyfriends who literally always have the same pattern among themselves and always end in the worst way possible so stop bringing them to our homes girl

she thinks she's always right and when someone scolds her for her behavior she acts like she's 14 it's funny how pissed off she gets because we're always right and she's wrong but she doesn't accept that

at the beginning of the pandemic, she literally moved to live with us and her damn boyfriend, a different man than the one i mentioned minutes ago, but he was as sh*t as any other man she had ever dated..and it was literally a big hell in our lives having to put up with her and her boyfriend plus she also had her other two children living with us in a house that wasn't even that big 💀 every day i woke up and wished i was de@d because living there was unbearable

this guy was very obese, in addition to being obese he also had problems with his legs and had to walk with the support of something

i was so stressed out that he was always walking around at the speed of a turtle and i couldn't even walk past him because his body was LITERALLY taking up all the space there was

she had to bring her damn man with her to destroy our lives for a whole 1 or 2 years

the craziest thing of all is that my mom had to work and pay for everything for my sister and her useless boyfriend who did nothing but lay around

and in the end even though he could barely move he cheated on her and that makes me laugh every time i remember it

she even dated a guy who destroyed her entire house, tried to str@ngle her and even threatened her and brought him into our house putting us at risk because this guy was literally insane and could k us all because of her

i know that after i'm no longer here she or her children may try to defame me to make me look like a horrible person just to alleviate their mistakes that are being exposed by me rn lol i just want to make it clear that if you say anything bad about me and make up lies i swear i will come back as a vengeful spirit and ruin each and every one of your lives (oops i forgot..her life is already ruined lol but maybe i can make it worse) we all know you are a liar and a terrible person and unfortunately your children are the same, don't try me girl.

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