#you think this is a romance au but actually what it's about is jyn starting to process her grief over saw in a communal fashion by showing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

andorerso · 5 years

Note

For the prompt list, either 62 (you’re not as quiet as you think you are), or 142 (hold my hand so he gets jealous) please lol I couldn’t pick one

Thanks for the prompts! I chose 62 but I’m considering doing the other one as well. This is a tad bit longer than I planned and it’s a modern friends with benefits AU. Hope you enjoy :)

Jyn is never going to listen toLeia ever again. As far as she’s concerned, her advice is what got her in this awkwardsituation in the first place, noodle soup dripping from her shirt.

Really, Jyn doesn’t know whatshe was thinking.

“You followed me here,” Cassianaccuses her, arms crossed in a way that lets her know he means business. Worseyet, he’s glaring, and not in the playful “Jyn-what-have-you-done-this-time”way. This is a glare she’s not used to receiving from him.

“That’s not true. Why would I dothat when I know you have a date?” She wipes away noodle from her chest, puttingon a show of ignorance. It’s a waste – Cassian sees right through her bullshit.

He usually does but he alsousually finds it amusing. Definitely not this time.

“I’d like to know that too. Jyn.Are you spying on me?”

“No,” she says without pause, pretendingto be offended. It feels a little too fake and when Cassian remains staring ather with eyebrows raised, she concedes. “Maybe. But I swear I tripped on accident.I can explain.”

His sigh is so disappointed,she wishes for the ground to swallow her whole. Yeah, she’s definitely nottaking Leia’s advice again.

Cassian gestures for her tocontinue. “Start talking.”

Jyn swallows.

It all began when they ran intoBodhi’s old friend from college, a tall and witty and gorgeous brunette by thename of Marissa. It was hard to miss the way she flirted with Cassian from the secondthey met and Bodhi decided to play matchmaker. Jyn tried to act like she wasbusy typing on her phone, but well, they were all sitting in a coffee shop and shecouldn’t ignore the conversation around her.

Cassian tried to resist atfirst.

“I’m not sure about this, Bodhi.”

“Why not? She’s pretty, smart, andclearly into you. Also, she’s the only one who was willing to stay up until threea.m. to help me with my thesis. I swear she’s a saint. Just grab a coffee.”

“I don’t know…”

“Cassian, I say this as yourfriend, but you have been moping lately.”

“Moping?”

“Yeah, moping. I didn’t pushbecause you clearly don’t want to talk about it, but I think this would be goodfor you. What do you have to lose?”

Jyn felt Cassian’s eyes on her,a challenge, and she looked up, meeting his gaze without flinching. Bodhi wasstill looking at Cassian, so she gave a tiny shrug of her shoulders, pretendingto be uninterested. Date whoever youwant, she was saying. I don’t care.

That was a lie, of course, butCassian bought it.

He looked away, but not beforeshe caught the bitter look crossing his face in the flash of a second.

“Alright,” he said to Bodhi. “Whynot?”

That was the beginning.

Or maybe it was before that,when she got spooked and ended the secret relationship thing they had going on.

(“We always knew this had anexpiration date. I think it’s time to move on.”)

Or before that, when theydecided to sleep together and ruin a perfectly good friendship. When sherealized she could have all the benefits of hot good sex without the nuisanceof feelings and keeping a relationship alive. No strings attached, that was thedeal.

Only that didn’t turn out sowell. So that was what he was doing now: moving on. She supposed she couldn’t blamehim for that.

But it did bother her. Atfirst, she tried to play it off. It was not a big deal, it wouldn’t last. Noneof Cassian’s relationships did (theirs included) – he just didn’t have thetime. And maybe if she let it run its course, it wouldn’t have lasted. But shedidn’t expect it to get to a sixth date either, and when she heard they weregoing out again on Thursday, she might have lost it a little.

A little as in storming home tothe apartment she shared with Leia and announcing loudly, “I’m in love withCassian.”

Leia paused mid-sentence, phoneagainst her ear, then told the person on the other end, “Dad, I’ll call youback.”

Jyn waited as she hung up,heart pounding in her chest for actually having said it aloud. It felt good.Mostly.

It also felt terrifying and alittle painful. Admitting it meant admitting she might get hurt from this andthere would be no one to blame but herself.

Leia sighed as she put herphone down, giving Jyn an almost pitying look.

“I know.”

Jyn blinked in surprise. “What?”

“Well. I knew you weretogether. Or having sex at least. And once you pay attention to the little detailsand the way you two act around each other, it’s not hard to see that somewherealong the way you fell in love.” Leia shook her head, definitely pitying now. “Really,Jyn, don’t you know that friends with benefits relationships never work?”

Jyn stared in disbelief for asecond. “I – how do you even know?

Leia gave her a meaningful look.“You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

“Oh. Oh,” Jyn said as the meaningdawned on her. She winced, and Leia nodded with a painful grimace. “I’mimpressed you kept it all to yourself.”

“Well” Leia began. “You thoughtyou were being so sneaky – I kind of enjoyed the power of knowing I outsmarted you.”

“Is that all?”

Leia shrugged. “I suppose youalso seemed happy.”

Jyn closed her eyes. Yeah, in hindsight,she really had been.

“So… why are you telling me thisnow?”

She took a deep breath, unsurewhere to begin. “We ended it a couple of weeks ago.”

“We?”

Dammit, Leia knew her too well.

“Alright, so I did.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

Jyn stared at her silently andshe shrugged.

“What? There’s clearly tensionbetween the two of you, everyone can see that. Plus, you’re moody and irritableand Cassian is moody and withdrawn. I also haven’t heard you moaning lately. Anice change, by the way. I do want you to be happy but maybe be happy quietly?”

Jyn shook her head, ignoringall that. She didn’t have time to discuss this.

“He’s going on a date withMarissa.”

“And?

“And it’s their sixth date thismonth alone! Sixth. I’m no datingexpert but that isn’t good for me, is it? They seem to be getting serious.”

“First of all, I doubt it couldpossibly be that serious. Maybe they just have a lot of free time on theirhands. Second, that depends on what you consider to be good for you. You didbreak up with him.”

“But I didn’t want to!” Jyncried out.

Leia raised her eyebrows,expectant, and Jyn let out a defeated sigh. She slumped into a chair, desolatelystaring ahead.

“It’s just… I got scared.”

Leia took a seat in front ofher, hands clasped on the table. Her tone was gentler when she spoke.

“Why don’t you tell him that?”

“Because I can’t!” Jyn exclaimed,gesturing wildly with her hands. “Because he’s dating Marissa,” she paused, gettingquieter, “and because I told him he never meant anything to me.”

She wasn’t proud of that,didn’t enjoy twisting the knife in the wound. At the time, she just panicked.

(“So you’re really just goingto pretend there’s nothing between us?”

“There is nothing between us, Cassian! It never meant anything to me, itwas just sex.”)

“Oh, Jyn,” Leia said, and it was amazing how much disapproval could fitinto two small words.

“I know,” she groaned, buryingher face in her hands. “I don’t need your judgement, I need advice.” She lookedat Leia, desperately trying to find answers in her friend’s eyes. “Should Itell him how I feel, or should I just let him go?”

Leia contemplated that for asecond. She leaned back, crossing her arms across her chest in a veryprofessional manner.

“Do you want to be with him?”

“Well, yes but… For all I know,Marissa could be the love of his life. Do I really begrudge him that? Especiallysince, let’s face it, I’m not exactly wife or girlfriend material. Maybe he’sbetter off. Ow! Leia, what the hell?”

Leia held up a finger as Jynrubbed the spot where she had punched her. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve everheard. You wanna know what you’re going to do? You’re going to go over thereand you’re going to ruin his date.”

Jyn didn’t like where this wasgoing at all.

“What? Leia.”

“Well, I would tell you to waitbut like you said, it’s their sixth date and I honestly think you’ll chickenout if you wait. You have to act now. You really should have talked to me aboutthis sooner,” she added with a chastising look.

Jyn shook her head.

“I can’t just – I don’t thinkCassian would appreciate that. He’s not Han. He won’t get turned on by meacting like a psycho ex-girlfriend.”

“I resent that. He’llappreciate it when you make it up to him with make-up sex. That thing you dowith your tongue? He’s not quiet either.”

Jyn cringed, briefly screwingher eyes shut.

“For the sake of ourfriendship, I’m going to ignore that. You really think I should hijack hisdate?”

“That’s what I would do.” Leia nodded.“Lay it all on the table.”

Jyn mulled it over. It didn’t reallysound like something she would ever do – but neither did being in a committedrelationship with someone and she was seriously considering that too. Maybe Leiawas right. She did know more about romance than Jyn did.

“Okay,” she began slowly,watching a smile spread across Leia’s face. “Let’s say I agree. How would I doit?”

And that’s how she got here. Inthis restaurant, with food on her shirt, and Cassian staring at her like shegrew two heads.

She came with the intention tofollow through on their plan, Leia’s advice ringing in her head, but when she sawCassian laughing with Marissa, she realized she wasn’t this person. She was notLeia; she didn’t make unnecessary scenes or manipulate things to get her way. Shedidn’t know how to approach their table with a straight face and pretend shewas here just by accident. She didn’t know how to fake nonchalance she didn’tfeel.

She’d wait until he got home –or maybe Leia was right, and she’d use this as an excuse to chicken out.

Either way, when she turnedaround to leave before they spotted her, she crashed into a waiter bringing atray of food, and that was it. There was no hiding after that, and Cassian wasless than impressed with her. She really should have listened to her firstinstinct telling her that Cassian was not Han – of course he wouldn’tappreciate stunts like this.

“I’m sorry.” Jyn bites her lip,resisting the urge to fidget. “I was just leaving, I swear.”

“I can’t believe it.” Cassianshakes his head. “This isn’t like you.”

“I know. It isn’t, that’s why Iwas leaving. It was Leia’s idea. She told me I should ruin your date.”

Cassian furrows his eyebrows ather. “Why?”

“Because she’s dramatic?”

He stares at her, unimpressed, andJyn lets out a sigh, sensing that she’s been beaten.

“Because I think I love you,”she mumbles under her breath, squeezing her eyes shut. From the way Cassian’sbreath catches, he heard.

She doesn’t dare look at him untilhe speaks, too afraid to find out what she’d see. There’s a few moments ofsilence, both of them holding their breath – then he says, voice careful, “Ifthis is just the jealousy talking –”

“It’s not.” She shakes herhead, opening her eyes. Cassian is holding himself still, face unreadable. There’sno turning back now so she might as well take the plunge. “I mean it, I want tobe with you. For real. We can… go on cheesy dates like this and hold hands andtell all our friends and gross them out by being adorable in front of them. Allof that. No more sneaking around, no more sex only.”

She pauses and her eyes drifttowards Marissa still sitting at their table. Jyn swallows.

“If you want to,” she adds,quieter.

Cassian looks at her for a longmoment. The seconds seem to stretch on as she waits for him to say something,send her away or take her into his arms. Anything other than this stoicsilence.

When he finally sighs, hisposture softens. The shake of his head is grudgingly fond.

“You’re so complicated.”

“Yeah,” Jyn laughs, covering upthe insecurity with a shrug of her shoulder. “You should probably keep that inmind before agreeing to any of this.”

He lets out a huff of laughter.“Well, you should keep in mind that I don’t come without baggage either.”

“I don’t mind,” Jyn saysimmediately. She takes a deep breath, steeling herself before she dares to askthe question. “Is that a yes?”

He only gives her a smile, but theanswer is written in his eyes. She beams back at him, her heart beating twiceas fast with the force of her happiness.

“I have to go back and tellMarissa,” he says, turning to glance back at the woman in question.

Jyn winces. Yeah, stealing awayCassian while he’s in the middle of a date with another woman isn’t theclassiest thing she’s ever done.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He shrugs but shecan tell he feels bad for what he’s about to do. “We weren’t officiallytogether or anything. Truth is, I think she knew my heart wasn’t in it.”

Jyn looks down, trying not to looktoo pleased at that. Some possessive part of her is perversely glad that hewanted her even when he was with someone else.

“See you at home?” Cassianasks, taking a step backwards.

Jyn glances at her chest,realizing that she’s still wearing someone’s dinner. Home and a hot showersound amazing. Seeing Cassian after that sounds even better.

“Yeah. I’ll be waiting.”

“Good. I’m still mad at you, bythe way,” he calls behind his back as he turns away.

Jyn grins.

“That’s okay. I’ll make it upto you later.”

#rebelcaptain #my fics #dailyrebelcaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #de-temps-en-tempss #replies

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theputterer · 6 years

Text

2017 Writing Round-Up

I had... a bit of a year.

Besides all the writing I did in academia (essays, projects, my actual Thesis to earn my BA from UCLA) and the original writing I did On The Side...

I created my AO3 account mid-January, and things just spiraled from there. It says the current word count of all the stories there is 535,772 words.

And it’s all ROGUE ONE fic. Seriously.

cassian andor nonsense : a 406,499 word series detailing Cassian’s life.

gray areas : the “original Nonsense”, the “Old EU canon” take on his life/backstory (199,381 words)

Gray gives Cassian Andor’s life meaning. It colors it, entirely. / “Are you no longer good, Cassi?”

You Must Remember This : the continuation spawned from my post-project depression (54,024 words)

Some ghosts are not done with the living just yet. / “You know me better than anyone else.”

For Future Reference : foreshadowing the end (8,332 words)

On the one year anniversary of Rogue One, the past collides with the future. / “What happens to you, at the end of the war?”

amor fati : the “finale” (100,661 words)

There is still time to be good, still time to go home, still time to be forgiven. / “We weren’t meant to survive.”

uncurling lifelines : the timestamp that became the “actual” finale (44,101 words)

Jyn is bright. Cassian is melancholic. / “I want you to consider that you don’t have to punish yourself for your melancholia. I want you to forgive yourself for it.”

assorted nonsense timestamps : because i just couldn’t let go.

share with me the sun : What are you supposed to do with all your loss? (8,594 words)

Ersa’s melancholic father speaks a language she can’t understand. / “Ersa, have you noticed how people think you and I are a lot alike?”

Sail To The Moon : Is there a limit to your forgiveness? (10,766 words)

Jyn thought she’d already given everything she had to the cause. / “You think he’s always going to be your baby, and in a way he is, but... He’s also grown now, Jyn.”

Some Like It Hoth : the Battle of Hoth (16,344 words)

Jyn has a bad feeling. / “When you get in touch with the Alliance, tell them it’s Rogue One.”

something you don’t even have a name for : the story underneath the story (40,228 words)

If you fall in love with him, do you stay in love when he becomes someone else? / “What your mother said... Do you want to talk about it?”

the AU to the Nonsense AU : this might as well happen.

Blood Brothers : the bastard child of gray areas. (8,758 words)

Cassian and Jyn run into Cassian’s Imperialist older brother, the Senator from Fest. / “I hope that, one day, you will forgive me.” “For what?” “For all of it. Any of it.”

Parallax : the alternate take on Rogue One (current WIP)

In another universe, they are a family from the start. / “Alliance Command was... Less than thrilled with us. We aren’t the typical team.”

Still to do: finish Parallax, write the Fima & Ersa TLJ story, possibly finish the story bridging the five years between the separation and the start of amor fati, possibly finish the Nonsense story resolving Cassian’s difficult relationship with Zeferino. Oof.

And then, maybe, I can move on.

I learned a lot this year, about the things I write best and the things I find difficult to write. I practiced writing things I NEVER write: mother-son relationships, action scenes, stories from children’s perspectives, romance. I figured out when outlining is essential (when you’re writing the story that anchors the others) and when you can write on the fly (when you’re 200k+ words into a character study, and know your character very well.)

I learned how to build a character off a list of traits, and make them full and multi-dimensional, to imagine a past and a future for them. I learned how to really love a character I write; not only Cassian, but my OCs, too, which was kind of new for me as a writer. I remembered why I used to love to write, and that I could love it again; Cassian dealt with realizing he couldn’t remember why he still did work he no longer loved doing, work he once used to do enthusiastically; and so he learned how to do better work, and move forward.

I wrote about depression, and mental illness, getting pretty horribly personal the whole way. the Cassian Andor Nonsense did become a kind of extended metaphor about depression and the color gray, and how you live with the gray for so long, you forget gray is not all there is; how “bright” people become lifelines, but so do other “gray” people; how you must learn to love the gray, and find the light there. I was always so touched by those who related to Cassian, and me, for these reasons in particular.

I began the Nonsense from a place of grief, dealing with the sudden loss of one of my lifelines: Carrie Fisher. Every single story explored some form of grief: grief brought on by death, by separation, by fear, by loss of self, by horror, by memory, by the belief your children inherit your mistakes, by mental illness, etc. Even the happier stories deal with grief; because you must remember there is always light, even when you’re living in gray. And I like to think, at the end of it, with uncurling lifelines, I have reached a resolution, and have learned what to do with loss, as Cassian also learned.

[Every time I jokingly called Cassian my son, I kind of meant it; if there was any OC author-insert in the Nonsense, it was Serafima, with her quiet, and her grief, and struggle with shame, and her niche art that always started out as bits of gray, and her sadness, and “You are so good, Cassi.” / “You are too, Mama.” / “I have tried to be.” And of course, her desperation to make a better life for someone she loved and saw herself in.]

I am proud of all of these stories. and if I have learned anything about how to process grief, it’s by surrounding yourself in gratitude.

And I’m grateful to the folks who took the time to read my stories, and even more grateful to those who reached out to tell me they enjoyed them. Particularly @callioope @magalis @thenewleeland @i-am-slain @vaderkat @smoke2014 @riceinthechurch @deadpanprincess @roguewrath @castiellover77 @yavemiel @alittlemomentum @sorcie77 @semisweetshadow @gloriouswhisperstyphoon @firefeufuego2 @agentttremors. also grateful to @burnthefirstorder, who put together a photo post based off one of the stories, which is still just insanely cool to me.

there were others, and I’m so grateful for all. I know the Nonsense turned into this niche, very specific beast, and sometimes I felt very closed-off in it. particularly since my most read story has some 3100 hits; so whenever anyone reached out to tell me they were there, and reading; just amazing, and a huge relief. the people who read it all: thank you for your generosity.

The Nonsense was always a Monster of a Love Letter to Cassian, and you all deserve your own Monster of a Love Letter. I hope you get one.

Lastly, I want to shout-out to @anexitlike who was there from the very start, created multiple (!) playlists for me, was down to talk about the Nonsense for HOURS, sat through multiple screenings of ROGUE ONE with me (including that time I annotated my copy of the novelization line-by-line to match to the actual film for gray areas) and was just exceedingly kind and supportive when she didn’t have to be. None of this would have happened without her enthusiasm.

I counted down to the start of 2017 while sitting at her kitchen table writing the Nonsense, and I intend to countdown to the end of 2017, doing the exact same thing. And that, I think, is a hell of a bookend.

Anyway. Just thanks. And Happy New Year. <3

#cassian andor nonsense #my writing #year in review #rogue one #fanfic #star wars #i would apologize for this being long but #that's the story of the Nonsense #so this is fitting

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moonprincess92 · 7 years

Note

Congrats on your follower milestone my dear! You certainly deserve it 😘 For the rebelcaptain prompts, how about fake dating in a modern au?

IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE :D

Thank you so much Jen!!! (and I hope you like havin a laff bc I apparently went straight up comedy/fluff for this hahahahhahahaha)

Fuck.

Fuckity fuck.

That bitch washeading her way and unless she did something stat, Jyn Erso may as well kissher miserable excuse for a life goodbye. She probably (100%) should not have had that second wine earlier, but her day hadrather called for it and naturally, it was hard to resist when you had good-for-nothing best friends in the background yelling over the pounding ofthe bass, “So you got fired! Fucking drink, bitch, and you’ll forget all aboutit!”

“Until I wake uptomorrow with no job,” Jyn had pointed out earlier that evening.

“Tomorrow’stomorrow, this is now!” Bodhi had called out to her, before naturally gettingdistracted by his newest piece of ‘mancake’ (who was admittedly kind of hot atleast this time, in a Californian surfer dude kind of way).

Hence the reasonshe was now well on her way to Trolleyed Town, when JUST HER GODDAMN LUCK,Queen McFuck Your Boyfriend showed up.

Somewhere up there(or down there? She was casting a bit of judgement now) The Big G himself wassplitting a rib laughing at her.

“Quick!” sheslammed her glass down and turned to the first person she could see – a kind ofscruffy, yet not-un-handsome dark-haired bloke sat on the barstool next to her.“We have to do something!”

The bloke ignoredher completely.

“WHY AM I DOOMEDTO DIE OF PURE HUMILIATION?”

“I’m sorry–? Areyou talking to me?” the bloke finally turned.

“Finally! I amgraced with His Majesty’s presence!” Jyn would have curtseyed, if she weren’talready sat down on her own bar stool and too worried about her balance shouldshe get off. “I literally have less than 30 seconds before McBitch shows herface and I’m not at the point of literally running away yet, so you have tohelp me!”

“McBitch?”

“KEEP THE FUCK UP,she slept with my boyfriend!” Jyn yelled.

High and Mighty ScruffyBoi crinkled his nose as he glanced around in confusion. Maia (otherwise known as ‘McBitch’) had almost certainly spotted her at this point,if the little wave was anything to go by. Damn her and her perfectlystraightened hair, deep tan and baby blues that she swore could rope in demonsif she truly put her talents to work. Not that Maia had ever lifted a manicuredfinger for herself in her entire life. Scruffy Boi was eyeing herappreciatively, so Jyn groaned and tugged on his shoulder.

“Do not be takenin by the hotness,” she insisted. “She will roast your insides and eat youalive.”

“How could youstill be alive if she’s already roasted your insides?”

“SCRUFFY BOI, KEEPUP,” she cried. “I cannot let her win!”

“Well, what thehell do you want me to do about it?” Scruffy Boi asked, eyes slightly unfocusedas if this constant back and forth conversion was whooshing straight over hishead, along with her dignity and self-respect, particularly in the wake of whatshe was about to say next. Did she have much choice?

She was alreadyregretting it.

“I want you tokiss me.”

No, she trulydidn’t wake up this morning thinking that she was going to end up here. Believeit or not, but Jyn Erso usually lived a very quiet life! She lived alone, sheloved tea and snuggly blankets and occasionally entertained the odd guest(which basically just meant Bodhi coming over and eating out her entirefridge). She had done the crazy shitalready. She wasn’t 16 and on the streets anymore, drinking until 5am andsleeping with Scott Melshi (now THERE was a mistake). Nopity nope, she was aself-confessed grandma now, and she was totally ok with that! She only wantedwhat everyone else in their late 20s wanted: a stable job and living withoutthe debilitating fear that she was going to die alone and in debt.

Of course McBitchhad to move in.

She honestlywasn’t quite sure what had come over her in asking this very random, verybewildered (albiet very cute) guy to kiss her, but what could she say, she wason a roll here. She knew it sounded ridiculous, even as the words were comingout of her mouth, but she hadn’t stopped them. She knew that she didn’t live ina romance novel like that line seemed to have apparently walked straight outof. In fact, Jyn was 100% certain that he was about two seconds away fromtelling her to fuck off, which would be fair. Honestly, since it was years agoJyn wasn’t really pissed about the whole ‘being cheated on’ thing anymore, itwas more the fact that McBitch seemed to think they were still BFFs for someunholy reason (did ‘you slept with myboyfriend and I hate you’ mean nothing?) so she would honestly just takewhat she could get.

Scruffy boistarted laughing. He was shaking his head and as he drained the last of hisdrink and Jyn sighed in exasperation.

“Fine, go on then.Laugh it up, mate,” she said. “My life is now a sham, thanks to you! I hope yourealise–”

Somewhere inbetween his laughing and her complaining, she had apparently failed to realisethat he had slipped off his bar stool and now stood in front of her. In fact,she didn’t realise anything at all until he was cutting off her words, kissingher with the kind of passion that can only come from third drinks and latehours.

Well, holy shit.

The bar stool shesat on gave her the added height she needed to comfortably reach his lips, and JesusChrist, what a pair of lips they were. She always liked to think that she’dbeen not just kissed, but Kissed™ at least a fair few times throughout herlife, but apparently she was wrong. Scott Melshi had been an opening act. ScruffyBoi was where it was at and she didn’t think, she only felt with a kind ofblind ohmygodohmygodohmygod panic.Where was fucking Bodhi when she was the one finally being the wild one for achange? Scruffy Boi gripped her hips in a way that made her stomach flip andshe separated her knees, drawing him in, dragging him closer –

“Oh my god, Jyn!Haven’t seen you in forever – have I caught you at a bad time?”

Bitch, you can very well see that this is afucking bad time!

Jyn pulled away invery un-fake irritation. She kept an arm slung around Scruffy Boi’s shouldersand she turned to face McBitch. “Oh, Maia. You could not have turned up at aworse time. How’s it going, girl?”

“Oh, so great,thanks for asking,” Maia simpered

“Was there anything you actually wanted? ‘cause I’m kind of busy…”

She felt Scruffy Boi’s lips pressed firmly to her neck, travelling theskin there and quite honestly, it was making it very difficult to think. He wasapparently taking her request to heart and Jyn noticed Maia’s eyes narrowingslightly as she watched. Time to milkthis. “Hey, babe,” she nudged Scruffy’s Boi’s head with her own, making himglance up. “This is Maia, we knew each other back in the day.”

“Oh hey, Cassian,”he introduced himself. He pressed closer to Jyn, occupying her space with hishands at her hips. “I’m the boyfriend.”

Yeah, you are.

“I didn’t evenknow you were dating again!” Maia said in false happiness.

“Yes, this isCASSIAN, my BOYFRIEND,” Jyn practically yelled. Quite frankly, her quota tohold inane conversations had been used up and she made a point to turning backto Scruffy Boi (wait, Cassian, of coursethe guy’s name is Cassian, you never could choose a Peter or a John could you?).She didn’t give him any warning when she kissed him this time, but she hoped togod that he’d just roll with it and he did. They were probably way toooverly-enthusiastic, but there was just enough tongue to make her stomach churnand she found her hands snaking up around his neck, into his hair.

It took severalminutes for Maia to finally get the hint and trill, “Um, byeeeee then!” beforeflouncing off through the club.

Jyn hastily pulledback from him, praying that her face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“Oh good god, thank you,” she breathed with relief.

“I – shit – Imean,” he laughed nervously, stepping back out of her arms. “No problem.”

“I didn’t even say– my name’s Jyn.”

“Cassian,” hereiterated for her. Bizarrely, he held out a hand for her to shake and she tookit. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

“I feel like I’mkind of owed an explanation for… well, whatever all that was,” Cassian pulledback to wave his hand in the general direction that Maia had gone off to. “Idon’t know… did you want a drink or something?”

It only took herabout five seconds to make the decision.

“Sounds great.”

#rebelcaptain #ro fanfic #my fanfiction #ro #rogue one

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thegirlwholied · 6 years

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fic you’ve never seen before because it’s not finished and who knows when it will be!: a RebelCaptain AU Assortment (1/3)

RebelCaptain AU no 1.: Speed. Yes, the 1994 movie; blame the "you didn't leave me" scene which I totally make it nowhere near to in this scene but hey:

Jyn Erso almost dies on an elevator with a bunch of strangers.

She’s one of the last to hop out. One older woman presses herself against the wall, refusing to move; Jyn drags at her hand and only when the elevator plummets further finally gives up, reaches up the gap and has her hands caught and tugged by a dark-eyed SWAT officer.

The same officer talks the woman away from the wall in increasingly urgent, accented tones, gets her to move off the wall where Jyn couldn’t.

The elevator plummets seconds later.

And then, y’know. It explodes.

Jyn would like to tell herself nearly dying on an elevator has nothing to do with losing her license.

She’d like to, but the nerves, the adrenaline, don’t leave her system. She pushes her car over the limit on an open road less than a week later.

Much too far over the limit.

There’s nothing memorable about the cop who pulls her over, aside from being the guy who revokes her license. She’s already had a citation for road rage. And driving on the wrong side of the road, but that could happen to anyone who learned to drive in England - and was hungover.

At least she manages not to smart-talk her way into an arrest. Her criminal record stays clean.

(Her juvie records are sealed, and in another country, anyway.)

Taking the bus every day could be worse. Jyn sits near the front.

“What’s your story, sister?” some guy says, leaning in from behind her. There’s always some guy - this one clearly thinks he’s hot stuff, and he’s certainly hotter than the usual. Doesn’t make her any more likely to tolerate him.

“I make life difficult for assholes,” she tells him, enough warning in her tone that he puts his hands up, mock surrender. To her surprise, he slouches back in his seat, glancing over his shoulder, and leaves her alone.

Her seat neighbor, across the way, smiles to himself, as if he’d seen the whole thing. He hadn’t - Chirrut is blind. He’s also one of three reasons the bus isn’t so bad. The other is the driver - his husband.

Chirrut had told Jyn their story - blind man takes bus every day; finally asks driver out; now gets away with a free ride anywhere - the first time she boarded. She hadn’t asked. But she found she didn’t mind hearing, even if she snorted at Chirrut’s suggestion that buses were a natural place for romance.

The third reason is Bodhi, but he’s frantically studying papers today. He’s heading to the same office she is.

This used to be her father’s route to work, and Bodhi’s been riding long enough to remember her father.

They’re hit the freeway, and when some crazy guy gets out of his car and starts running alongside the bus, hollering to let him on the bus. It sounds like he’s repeating himself in Spanish, though Jyn can’t make any of it out - none of it, she notes, are any of the words for ‘stop’.

He hits the glass with his palm, running. He looks-

He’s holding up a police badge.

“Baze, let him on,” Chirrut says, raising his voice pointedly above the grumblings from some of the riders.

“Baze, don’t,” Jyn says, when she sees him hesitate. “Please.” The gruff driver, who has never heard Jyn say please, half turns around. “Just go.”

They leave the man behind, cursing into the wind.

They haven’t even made it to the next exit sign when a car roars up in front of the bus, cutting dangerously in front of them. Same guy. Different car - he’s commandeered himself a driver. He’s still trying to wave his badge.

There’s a piece of paper involved. Baze, squinting, and narrating events in a mutter for the benefit of Chirrut right behind him, reads it aloud, “Bomb on bus.”

Then he processes, while Jyn’s mind goes back to watching the elevator explode down the shaft she’d just exited. To another explosion, longer ago.

“Wait, what did you say?” Bodhi says, looking up from his papers and tuning in.

Baze opens the bus door, and between the distance, the wind, and the accent, Jyn can’t make out what the guy’s shouting. But Baze keeps the bus at the same speed, and, with surprising grace, the guy manages to leap from the car to the bus and come in without losing his footing.

“Guy’s out of his mind,” hot asshole mutters behind Jyn, “but, still…” He doesn’t say ‘impressive’, but it sounds like he’s thinking it.

The guy takes one steadying breath, gives a quick instruction too near Baze’s ear for Jyn to catch it, and is already turning to the crowd, hands reassuringly in the air, as the door closes.

“Hello, everyone,” he says. He gives them a slight smile, bit of a wave with his non-badge hand. Jyn reads it as an act. There’s nothing of ease about his eyes. “Captain Cassian Andor. We have a slight situation, but if you remain in your seats-”

Some guy from the back of the bus panics and pulls a gun. Jyn hadn’t even spotted him. Green hoodie, mostly shaved head with a mini-mohawk, eyes clearly bugged out on some kind of drug.

“Easy, easy,” Andor says, stepping forward. He sounds very reassuring. So reassuring, it’s almost - almost - overlookable that his hand is drifting for his gun. Green hoodie, hand shaking on the gun he has pointed at the cop, does not looked reassured.

Green hoodie makes to pull the trigger, and Jyn half-lunges out of her seat, her instinct to tackle Andor.

The hot asshole who’s been sitting behind her stands and draws a concealed gun in one smooth rising motion. Without pause, he shoots the gun right out of green hoodie’s hand- right as a second gunshot goes, green hoodie getting one off.

“The gun, get the gun!” Andor shouts, and some teenager ducks down under his seat and comes up with it. Andor disarms hot asshole in a swift, trained move, before heading to cuff green hoodie in the back.

“What?” hot asshole says, half innocent, half annoyed, and now rubbing his wrist. “I helped.”

Jyn looks across the aisle to find Bodhi looking back at her, his hands on his head, expression so incredulous it doesn’t matter that Jyn can’t make out what he’s saying - it’s definitely some variation of ‘Is this actually happening.’

Then she notices Chirrut is not only standing, but has his hand reaching over to Baze’s shoulder. He’s saying his name, urgently.

Jyn wishes, nonsensically, that Baze had been wearing armor.

He’s been shot.

Jyn pushes her way forward, too. “What can I do?” she says to Chirrut.

“Take over driving, seeing as I can’t,” Chirrut says, getting his arms behind Baze to ease him out of his seat. Baze has a bullet wound in his side and seems to be protesting that he can keep driving, that he has to, and also was Chirrut just making a joke about his blindness now - “Bus can’t drop under fifty,” Baze warns, as Jyn wriggles to slide into the place he’s vacating.

Andor’s coming up behind her. She can tell, because he’s saying just about every word she knows in Spanish under his breath. Hola, adios, and gracias excluded.

He and Bodhi help Chirrut move Baze and Jyn -

Jyn should definitely not be driving this bus.

Andor comes back a moment later. Urgently, he says, “Can you handle-” He cuts off as she jerks the bus, trying to get into a faster lane as the one they’re in slows.

“We need Bodhi to drive,” she says, and yells over her shoulder, “Bodhi!” To Andor, she says, “He’s got a commercial driver’s license. Mine got taken.”

She glances away from the road to take in Andor’s expression - another reason why she probably shouldn’t be driving - which suggests he’d rather not know why he lost her license.

Bodhi’s currently busy calling out to see who has medical training.

“I can handle anything for a little while,” Jyn says, grimly clutching the wheel, and Andor looks like he’s about to clap her shoulder comfortably before he remembers himself and just says, “Good answer.”

He pulls out his police radio and reports the gunshot; Jyn’s startled to hear an accent as British as her own say, “I told you I had a bad feeling about this.”

Jyn tries to keep track of the road, what’s going on with Baze behind her, and, too, what Andor’s talking about, who’s behind this, what they want -- she hears the name Helical; her father’s company. Where she’s been working the past couple months.

“Why this bus?” she asks, glancing over at him again.

“It’s random,” he says, automatically. He looks up as he does. Their eyes meet, properly, for the first time on the bus.

She breaks the look, glances back to the road.

“You were on the elevator,” he says.

Jyn doesn’t answer, for a moment. “Andor, isn’t it? Captain?”

“Cassian,” he says. “And you. You’re why this bus.”

“I usually answer to Jyn,” she says, hands clutching the wheel. “But if the bomber you’re talking about is named Krennic, then, yeah. I might be that, too.”

#i say when not if with an asterik of eventually but honestly this one is simpler to finish than the other two so will probably make it #*west side story voice* somehow- someday!#rebelcaptain au #rebelcaptain fic #cassian x jyn #my writing #my fic #so yes just a few of the crazy things I scribbled down this past year #jyn x cassian #rebelcaptain #rogue one #sw fic

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mediumsizedfountain · 7 years

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Rogues Rising: A Star (Wars) Baker Story, chapter 1

by @mediumsizedfountain/jncar

Jyn Erso has been burned by both life and love, but over the past two years she's made efforts to become the best, strongest, most confidant version of herself. The capstone to that project is her run as a contestant on her favorite television program – the Great British Bake Off. When she learns that her surrogate uncle and favorite taste-tester has been going behind her back to taste another baker's wares, she feels a spark of resentment. That spark intensifies when she discovers that very rival baker will be a fellow contestant on the show; his name is Cassian Andor.

Soon, however, the spark of resentment transforms into a very different kind of heat – a smoldering romantic attraction, which Cassian very clearly reciprocates. Can Jyn find the perfect recipe for achieving her Star Baker ambitions while at the same time embracing her burgeoning romance with one of her competitors? There's only one way to find out. On your marks. Get set. Bake!

A Great British Bake Off (Great British Baking Show) crossover AU, featuring Rogue One and original trilogy characters.

Week 1: Cake

“What do you think?” Jyn asked, watching as Chewie finished off his enormous mouthful of her chocolate hazelnut torte.

The tall, bushy-bearded pub owner had been her go-to taste tester for years, and with the competition starting this weekend, she needed the opinion of his excellent palate now more than ever. He smacked his lips a few times. “Very good. But the black forest cake was better. That's the one you ought to go with.”

“Are you certain? Everything depends on this.” She locked eyes with him, refusing to look away. She'd never been more serious about anything in her life.

“I'd stake my right arm on it, lass,” he replied, grinning, the skin around his eyes scrunching into familiar wrinkles. “The black forest might not get you star baker, but it'll keep you in the game.”

She grimaced. “I don't just want to be in the game – I want to win it.”

“Yes, but we both know cake isn't your strongest skill. You'll be sure to knock their socks off with your bread and pastry. Do the black forest. Trust me.” He gave her a sure nod.

Jyn didn't like resigning herself to the middle of the pack, but Chewie was right. She ought to play it safe for this first episode. She nodded. “Alright. I'll do it.”

“Good girl.” Chewie grinned and patted the bar between them. “When you left that black forest with me last week, I gave a bite to my other baker-friend, and he loved it. Said it was the best black forest he'd ever had.”

Jyn narrowed her eyes. “Other baker friend? Who are you talking about? You've never mentioned another baker friend, before.”

“Haven't I? Coulda sworn I had. He's an immigrant – Mexican fellow, if you can believe it. Works in some fancy robotics laboratory or some such. Been coming to the pub for close to a year, now, but I only found out about his baking a couple of months back when I let him try some biscuits you left for me. He's been trying out his own recipes on me ever since. Between the two of you, I think I've gained more than a half a stone.” He patted his round belly with a laugh.

Jyn frowned. She knew Chewie shared her bakes with other regulars, but she had no idea another baker had been using his taste buds for their own trial runs. It shouldn't bother her, but it did – almost like he'd been cheating on her. “You didn't tell him about the show, did you? I don't want it spread around, yet. Not so far in advance of the series being aired.”

“Didn't mention a thing,” Chewie said. “Told him you liked to enter local competitions was all. He said he's planning on doing the same. Surprised you two haven't run into each other, actually. He's not much older than you – man by the name of Cassian.”

Read on Ao3 (x)

Tagging some folks who expressed interest: @operaticspacetrash, @klar425, @polynesianhermione, @sambargestuff, @pythiaspeaks

#rebelcaptain #jyn erso/cassian andor #rebelcaptain au #rogue one au #rebelcaptain fic #my fanfiction #star wars stuff

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rxbxlcaptain · 7 years

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@rapidashpatronus replied to this post: But but but if it's Poe....... Kes and Shara have to die o_O

100% a huge downside. Probably the number one thing that’s pulling me away from it. I’m thinking I’ll be able to work in the Damerons in another way though...

@pythiaspeaks replied to this post: I vote for Rey, because I want Kes and Shara alive! :)

Excellent point!! With Rey in Jyn’s care, I think they’ll be able to make at least a cameo appearance in the story :)

Aaaaannnnd Tumblr has decided to be mean and not let me tag you, so I deeply apologize. I still hope you see this!!

@lustfulpasiphae replied to this post: I'm kind of feeling Rey--I don't know that it lends anything to the story to have Kes and Shara in the background like that. Also, this movie is adorbs and I'm excited for the fic!!

Yeah, I absolutely here what you’re saying. I think everyone has completely pulled me over to Rey! (I was already leaning that way, honestly) Ahhh this movie is one of my favorites (I’m a huge fan of family plotlines as well as the romance, and this story pulls on every one of my heart strings... Just like Rogue One, so I figure they’ll go together well!)

Also, for some reason, Tumblr is being mean and not letting me tag you in this, so I hope you still see this post because I really appreciate your input :)

@ibonekoen replied to this post: I vote for Rey :) Also, this sounds like a great AU and I'm excited to read your story!

Everyone has definitely pulled me into the Rey camp! I think it works better for the concept of the movie, really! I hope I won’t disappoint with this one!! I’m finishing up a mood board for this and then starting on writing! Hopefully I’ll have a snippet out soon :)

@callioope replied to this post: Ooh originally I envisioned Rey, but I actually think your idea of Poe might be better

Ahhh, well I hope you’ll forgive me, but I’m going to go with Rey for this one! Part of me feels like it fits better with the original plot of the movie, and I also just don’t want to kill Kes and Shara lol. I have a feeling the Damerons will show up somewhere in the story though :)

@haylestorming replied to this post: I'm a sucker for Jyn mothering Rey and I think that will suit this fic best!

Oh I absolutely have the same weakness!! It’s been decided... Rey is becoming the pseudo-child of Jyn and Cassian :) (now I just need to create her mother...)

Thank you everyone for your opinions!! I’ll definitely throw some other plot questions out for you guys soon :) Expect a mood board (aka my first official post about this fic) ASAP

#kat replies #rapidashpatronus #pythiaspeaks #lustfulpasiphae #ibonekoen #calliope #haylestorming #no reservations #rey

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kyoulove · 7 years

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40 Questions - Meme for Shippers

So @bethanyactually was doing these yesterday, and I wanted to answer them all, so I am! I’ll do a couple then put the rest under a cut so you all don’t get a wall of text. :D (I’ve actually had this open in a word document for about a week, so it’s way later than I intended to post hahahaha whoops)

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had. OH MAN. My wee shipper heart! I think (think!) the first one I ever had was the couple from Today’s Special? That kids show where the mannequin came to life and they were obviously in love with eachother.

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life. Oooo in my life? Well…. Snape/Hermione was one that I shipped for YEARS as a teen (I still ship them but don’t actively read about them). Bulma/Vegeta from DBZ really got me into fandom as a youngling. Inquisitor/Cullen is so important to me too, because of the impact that Dragon Age Inquisition had on me.

3. What’s your current OTP? But how do I pick just one? Right this second I have tabs open for stories to read with Bellamy/Clarke, from The 100. And also Jyn/Cassian from Rogue One. And a couple random Inquisitor/Cullen stories and Steve/Bucky ones.

4. What’s your current NOTP? Um….. There isn’t a lot I don’t ship, really….. Hm…. Haha - Voldemort/Hermione. I don’t know what was happening in the internet last week but wow. Ooooo wait I thought of one! Ron/Hermione. Nope, don’t like it.

5. Do you have any poly ships? Damn you, Leverage, but you made me ship it. So hard. SO HARD.

6. How do you feel about love triangles? While I’m pretty much over them right now, done right I don’t necessarily dislike them. Sometimes. Really though, at this point in my reading/shipping life, a love triangle seems like such a contrived plot point that I just want it to go away.

7. How do you feel about RPF? It makes me really uncomfortable, and I don’t read it. Fictional characters are wonderful to write about, but real people are actually real people and there is a line there, I think. (Though, when I was but a young teen, a couple friends and I were deep DEEP into writing Hanson RPF – I think we wrote that they moved in next door? It spawned and epic and ultimately weirdly tragic tale.)

8. Have you ever shipped yourself with a character? Have I ever introduced you to my fictional husband, Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford? (Though honestly, I actually ship myself more with the Iron Bull, because I can’t play through his romance in game.)

9. Do you have many ships that never got together at all? Yesssssss so many. Betty/Jughead (I haven’t thought of them in so long, thanks Riverdale), let’s not even get into Stiles/Derek, are Clarke/Bellamy actually together? I don’t know, I think most of my ships are not canon. I tend to like those almost more in fandom, because romances that happen on screen have already happened! It’s a weird feeling.

10. Do you ship any characters that have never met? No, I can’t think of any?

11. Talk about your favorite first kiss. Ooooo Veronica and Logan. They have an A+ first kiss.

12. Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together? Well, most of my ships don’t…

13. Has a ship ever broken your heart? YES. Elizabeth and Will in Pirates of the Caribbean. The ending of the first trilogy, where they can only be together for one day every 10 years was SO UNSATISFYING I can’t actually watch the movies again.

14. How do you feel about will they/won’t they? Uggggg. I don’t mind a bit of tension about the relationship, but if it’s dragged on too long I lose interest, and frankly think the relationship becomes unhealthy. Pining is great, pining for years is awkward. (See: Bones)

15. Have you ever “shipped at first sight”? Yes, pretty much always.

16. Talk about a ship you initially disliked. I would say probably my OT3 from Leverage, just because I didn’t want an OT3 in my life LOL.

17. Talk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically. When I was reading the first Mistborn book, I initially shipped Vin and Kelsier together. However as the book progressed, they fell into more of a father/daughter relationship which suited the characters perfectly.

18. Talk about a moment which made you question an entire ship. I’m sure there is something but I’m drawing a blank, friends. A BLANK. I guess the entire Civil War arc made me question all my Steve/Tony feels?

19. Have you ever shipped something despite yourself? Well, I am normally not into poly relationships, but then ALONG CAME LEVERAGE AND HERE WE ARE. Lordie. The three of them are just so in love. I really didn’t want anything to do with The 100 as a show either, but I slipped and fell in thanks to the fanfiction LOL.

20. Talk about a ship you feel alone in shipping. Lassiter/Shawn from Psych. I mean. Clearly they love eachother. But there just isn’t a whole lot of fanfiction! One day, maybe!

21. Is there a ship you just don’t get, but have nothing against? Scott/Stiles, I think. I really love them as brothers, and have a hard time moving past that!

22. Which of your ships have the best chemistry? Steve/Bucky, probably. Sterek is a close second too!

23. Which of your ships deserve better writing? All have good writing, I think, but I think the Jack/Phryne ship needs more. Much more. Because I love them and I need it :D (Actually, more is basically what I want for all fandoms ever, because I’m just so greedy LOL)

24. Do you mostly ship canon pairings? No, I think I ship the ones that never really happen the most!

25. Have you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs and graphics or similar? I have never had the slightest desire to watch The 100, but I ship Bellamy/Clarke so hard. I also started watching Teen Wolf solely because of the quality Sterek fandom of the time.

26. Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to? I love enemies to lovers, I love “OOOPS I caught a feeling what do I do”, I love an age difference (only in fiction kids, only in fiction), I love sass and pining. I love a long, drawn out story where both of the idiots think the other doesn’t have any romantic feelings. Oh, and coffee shop AUs. Classic.

27. Is there a ship you’ve shipped for most of your life? Not really, though Snape/Hermione is probably the longest running one.

28. Does shipping come easily to you? As easy as breathing. I love love! Show me two people with the slightest degree of feelings and BAM I have probably shipped it.

29. Do you need to ship something to really enjoy a movie/book/tv show/comic? No, but it certainly helps! And frankly, unless it is a piece of entertainment with only one person I am probably going to find the ship hiding in it.

30. Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships. Ahahahahahahahhaha it’s possible that one doesn’t exist but TRY ME INTERNET.

31. Talk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love. It’s not really a headcannon per se, but I’ve read a lot of fanfics where Jyn/Cassian share a bed before they really admit their feelings and I love itttttt.

32. Share five must-read fics. But How to choose??? Tearing Down the Heavens [Inquisitor/Cullen – Dragon Age Inquisition], Champion’s Coffer [Hawke/Varric – Dragon Age 2], let’s give ‘em something to talk about [Jyn/Cassian – Star Wars Rogue One], regardless of warning the future doesn’t scare me at all [Clarke/Bellamy – The 100], This Your Protect [Steve/Bucky – Captain America: The Winter Soldier]

33. Name your favorite fanartist(s). Ummmm….. I don’t have one?

34. Share your favorite fanmix for your OTP. I don’t have one of these either!

35. Recommend 1-5 shipper blogs. Pass – I don’t want to link to people and all the blogs I follow are multi fandom blogs :D

36. Do you create fanmixes/gif sets/fanart/fic/fanvids and so on for you ships? Nope!

37. Do you have a favorite trope and/or AU for your OTP? Coffeeshop AUs are just the best I think. A long slow burn and enemies to lovers is also great.

38. Do you like and use ship names? I think the only one I really use is Sterek, the rest of them are name/name.

39. Is there a fictional relationship you’d really want for yourself? Mmmm nah. I mean, I love my husband a lot, and frankly, we put our favorite characters through some shit!

40. If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be? Hahahah I don’t have an OTP – the closest I can get is sometimes an OTP within a fandom lol. Let’s see. I think across the board I would like to see more producers/writers who love the fandom actually DO something with that information. Less queerbaiting and actually making it canon, for a start (looking at you, Teen Wolf). If there are some unattached people that are loudly and enthusiastically paired together, why not try it out? Sometimes the writers have a different path in mind, and I get that, but so often in shows it’s to draw out the tension or to just ignore it entirely. And please, stop the love triangles.

Well, now that I’ve read and written the word “ship” way to many times, thank you and goodnight. :D

#beth rambles #ships #so many ships!!!!#mine

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todisturbtheuniverse · 7 years

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Fanfic Year in Review - 2016

I was tagged in this by @hollyand-writes; thanks! :)

Total number of completed stories: 8, plus 1 WIP I started that is still in progress.

Total word count: Just about 90K posted to AO3.

Fandoms written in: Dragon Age (2 and Inquisition), Mass Effect, and Strange Magic.

Looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? I expected to write a lot less. That last Inquisitor/Iron Bull story was an abrupt decision, and given that it was 25K words, had a serious impact on my word count. I also didn’t expect These Chains to expand the way it did. Silly me, picking up a project and thinking it’s going to be 20K words or less. Like the dumb slow-burn romance lover living in my head would allow that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What’s your own favorite story of the year? That’s tough. Probably Wall Yourself Away, just because I’ve waited a long time for Bull and Kat to get to the mushy stuff, and it was like finally releasing a sneeze to get it written down.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Sort of? I knew when I started writing it that These Chains was not necessarily going to be popular; it’s a pairing that doesn’t come off looking so good in canon, BDSM is divisive, femdom is not super popular, etc. It was a dynamic I’d never written before, so in that regard, it was definitely a risk. But ultimately, it was something that @argharies had the idea for and that we ended up developing together as a fun creative exercise, and oh what fun it was.

Do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year? I definitely want to wrap up These Chains. I’m getting fairly close to having no more “active” WIPs floating out there in the wild, and I would really like that to happen this year.

Otherwise, I have a few long-ish fics that have been varying stages of development for varying amounts of time, including:

f!Hawke/Isabela fic set during-and-post-Inquisition, getting into what the heck Hawke was thinking to get involved with the Wardens and what happens when she goes to Adamant (let me tell you: Isabela is Not Happy). This was actually a story I was developing for the 2015 Dragon Age Big Bang. I ended up dropping out because, surprise surprise, it got much longer and more complicated than I had planned, and I ran out of time.

f!Hawke/Isabela modern-ish AU featuring Gangs, Fake Dating, and Lots of Panic (about Castillon’s Lingering Grudge); this one was a lot of fun to play with earlier this year.

f!Adaar/Josephine fic set during the “Of Somewhat Fallen Fortune” quest, which is similar in style to Only Pieces/Wall Yourself Away: a flashback fic showing some historical development for both Adaar and Josephine, juxtaposed with the present goings-on. This one is kind of like a sneeze, too.

Jyn Erso/Cassian Andor fic, the premise for which is so full of spoilers that I’m not even going to get into it. If it ever comes to light, you’ll see. Honestly, the most delightful part of even starting this was that Star Wars was really the first fandom I wrote (shitty, self-insert, never-posted) fanfiction for; coming back to it 15-ish years later feels really fun and indulgent.

Just about two dozen one-shots, of various pairings--mostly Shakarian right now, since I’m working on my replay of ME before Andromeda hits, but plenty of Inquisibull & other DA stuff, too.

I have no idea if any of these are going to actually happen this year. If I had to put money on it, I’d say some ficlets and that f!Adaar/Josephine fic, but if I put my head between my ears, I’d hope to really flesh out that f!Hawke/Isabela story. None of those longfics are going to see a post date until the whole damn first draft is written, though. I’ve learned my lesson.

Best story of the year? Probably a toss-up between In Which Tongue Will We Speak and A Little Rehearsal; I personally thought I nailed characterization/atmosphere/humor the best in these two.

Most popular story of the year? By all accounts, it was all the leaves on the trees are falling, though it hardly seems fair; since I started writing it in 2015, of course it has more hits, kudos, comments, subscriptions, bookmarks, etc. than anything I posted in 2016.

Of those that I started posting in 2016:

Most hits: These Chains

Most kudos: Misfire

Most comments: Wall Yourself Away

Most bookmarks: These Chains

Most subscriptions: These Chains

Story of mine most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Eh, I don’t think any of them were underappreciated. Most have a 10% kudos-to-hits ratio, which is about what I expect (the exception is These Chains, which is at about 5%, for very obvious reasons). They’ve all received comments. I think they’ve gotten plenty of appreciation.

Most fun story to write: I loved A Little Rehearsal. There are some characters and pairings whose voices, for whatever reason, really flow for me, and Garrus/Shepard is one of them. In my opinion, I really get their humor/camaraderie (ymmv; these are, after all, my versions of these characters).

Story with the single sexiest moment: Honestly, probably Wall Yourself Away, just because the emotional component has really come in and joined the party; These Chains would have been a contender if Shepard and Vega were in the same spot, but they’ve got a ways to go.

Most sweet story: We All Fall. Quintessential Josephine/Inquisitor fluff.

“Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story: Nothing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I have no shame, or maybe the stuff I’m into/write about is just not niche enough. Plenty of people would probably take issue with both Wall Yourself Away and These Chains for the BDSM aspect, but they’re probably not part of my fandom circle.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I’m continually adjusting my perception of Bull, more than any other character I’ve ever written, so Wall Yourself Away. When a character’s main personality trait is that they’re a good liar, you kind of constantly second-guess everything you think you’ve interpreted about said character. It is exhausting.

Most unintentionally telling story: Probably Ornamented. Why is it unintentionally telling? Because it tells you all that if I sit down with an hour and a vague prompt, I’m going to churn out Hawke/Isabela fluff with creeping character development. That’s it, lol. That’s what’s in my brain.

Hardest story to write: Well, as the year has gone along, These Chains. I just got knocked out of the right mindset and need to dedicate some time to revisit it so I can get going again.

Biggest disappointment: None, really. I write and post fanfic with zero expectations; there’s plenty that doesn’t get posted because I’m just scribbling, it’s unfinished, it’s not ready, etc., but when I do post it--that end product is still what the starting product was. Basically just something I wanted to offload from my brain, or, usually, the fic that I want to read but can’t find. That other people enjoy it delights me, but if they don’t, oh well.

Don’t get me wrong; in general, I do wish that a greater level of feedback was generated for fanfiction. It’s just that I’m content as-is, personally. I’ve been part of a big enough fandom that I once got a ton of increased views and feedback; the super-long Dean/Castiel fic I wrote back in 2013 has more than 23,000 hits, 668 kudos, was part of somewhat popular rec lists, etc. My personal enjoyment of my own writing, however, is just not changed by the level of feedback.

Biggest surprise: The super-lengthy and loving feedback I got on Wall Yourself Away. I anticipated this fic especially to be a labor of love, mostly written for myself; while I am totally interested in other OCs, I usually still assume that most people do not want to hear about someone else’s OC, and this fic was all-Katrina-all-the-time (plus other OCs I pulled in, too). The fact that a fair few people were captivated was really nice. (I said I was content without much feedback, not that I don’t enjoy it when feedback occurs anyway! :))

Tagging: Anyone who wants to, really. I’ve seen it going around, so I’m not sure who’s done it and who hasn’t. Feel free!

#universe writes about writing #a wild meme appears

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captainsongstress-blog · 7 years

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Chocolate Box 2017

Hi! Welcome into my little world. I will love whatever you write or draw for me. :)

General pointers about my taste and some things that are bulletproof likes:

Pointers:

I am a fluff person, not a grimdark person. Homophobia, sexism, racism, etc., are not things I enjoy.

I like porn, and I like handholding and shy kisses, and I like friendly shenanigans and banter. Any and all ratings are great. PWP is not really my thing, though.

Casual, organic worldbuilding is really fun. For example, I’d love to know what date night options are available for couples on a Resistance base, or how Padmé deals with the bureaucracy of being a Senator, or the idiosyncrasies of the Millennium Falcon that Leia slowly learns to navigate.

Bulletproof likes:

Friendship, found family, leisurely kisses, secretly holding hands, sex in semi-public places (but not actually being caught or having someone watching, sorry, I’m finicky), very different personalities appreciating each other and becoming friends, flyboys and flygirls being hotshots, bridging upbringings/countries/planets/etc., sarcastic banter (if in character for that character), awesome hair and hairstyles, cross-generational bonding, stolen peaceful moments in the midst of war, relationships that are full of laughter.

General Note 1: I am not a fan of Kylo Ren, any ships involving Kylo Ren, any heavy angst involving Kylo Ren, or fics set during the period in which he turned. Obviously fic involving Leia or Han can totally mention him, but dwelling on him wouldn’t be great for me. (Baby/toddler/kid Ben Solo is fine.)

General Note 2 – feel free to mix and match ideas and pairings between sections, if they fit your story/artwork. If you want to write a fic in which Chewbacca holes up in the cockpit playing loud Wookie death metal to drown out the sounds of Han & Leia boning all over the rest of the Falcon, and then cut to twenty years later when he comforts Leia after the events on Starkiller Base, go for it. Or a sketch of Rey/Jessika and Poe/Finn on a double date. Etc.

Specifics after the cut.

Fandom sections:

i. Star Wars Prequel Trilogy

Breha Organa & Leia Organa Bail Organa & Leia Organa

Breha, Bail, or both, on the day Leia enters their lives.

Raising Leia and hiding her in plain sight.

What it means to raise Darth Vader’s daughter.

Teaching Leia the things she needs to know, both for now (to keep her safe) and for later (when she takes up her heritage).

The day that Leia demands to be part of the rebellion.

How much of Leia is nature (Padmé and Anakin) and how much is nurture (Breha & Bail)?

Breha Organa & Padmé Amidala Padmé Amidala & Obi-Wan Kenobi Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi

Bail was Padmé’s closest ally in the Senate, but Breha was her friend.

After Padmé is gone and Breha is raising Leia, Breha can sometimes see her departed friend so strongly in the way Leia holds her head, or the way Leia demands justice for small childhood wrongs.

Padmé and Obi-Wan have such chemistry in the movies. Whether you go with friendship or romance, tell me more!

During the clandestine marriage, Padmé struggles with the necessity of deceiving Obi-Wan.

It’s Obi-Wan and Padmé who fall in love, not Anakin and Padmé. How does this change the course of the galaxy?

Padmé survives, and she, Obi-Wan, and the twins go on the run together.

Padmé Amidala & Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker

Padmé survives and goes on the run with the twins.

Padmé survives and goes into hiding with one of the twins, separating the twins to keep them safer, and much later is reunited with the twin she gave up.

Obi-Wan shows up in the Force Afterlife and tells Padmé about Luke and his life on Tatooine. Later he brings her news as his Force ghost goes traipsing around during the Original Trilogy.

ii. Rogue One - A Star Wars Story

Bail Organa & Leia Organa

It’s time at last for Bail to bring Leia out of hiding. He’s not just sending Obi-Wan the plans - he’s sending Obi-Wan Leia.

Saying goodbye to Leia before going to Alderaan, knowing that the next time he sees her she’ll be on the way to becoming a Jedi, and she won’t ever be quite the same woman again.

Seeing Padmé in Leia more strongly with every passing year.

Bringing up a young firebrand and being so proud of her; sparing her what hardship and darkness he can, while knowing that he can’t spare her forever.

Jyn Erso/Leia Organa Jyn Erso & Leia Organa Jyn Erso/Luke Skywalker

The “Jyn meets the twins” ships! Setting it either before the events of Rogue One (a chance meeting while Jyn was on her own after leaving Saw, perhaps?), during the events of Rogue One (while Jyn’s on the rebel base), or afterwards (an AU in which Jyn lives) are all great.

Leia’s an 18-year-old Senator in a galaxy falling more to shreds with every passing year. She meets another young woman somewhere (Coruscant? A fact-finding mission on some planet? Whatever you like), and chats with her/flirts with her/falls into bed with her.

With the Rebellion starting up in earnest, it’s ‘live for today’. Leia kisses Jyn in the hours leading up to the departure of Rogue One, just to establish a human connection and ground all the sick adrenaline racing through her veins. K-2SO observes and does not approve.

After relaying the plans, Jyn is captured by the Empire and taken off-planet before it’s blown up. Later she’s thrown in the same prison block as Leia and rescued at the same time. Cue any of these three relationships while New Hope happenings are happenin’.

Cassian Andor & K-2SO Jyn Erso & K-2SO Jyn Erso/Bodhi Rook Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus

a) I’m equally a fan of the real ending and of AUs where some or all of them live. b) I do not ship Bodhi/Galen, sorry, so please no implication of that. (I read Bodhi more along the lines of Galen’s surrogate son.)

I love Cassian and Jyn’s relationships with K-2SO and am very interested in fic or drawings involving either pair. (Or all three of them.)

Jyn and Bodhi are both exceptionally pretty and I am very shallow and would enjoy stress-relief ‘we’re gonna die’ kisses/sex.

Jyn and Bodhi become an item after the events of Rogue One (obviously a they-live!AU).

Chirrut and Baze are awesome and I would love any romance fic about them. What were their adventures like before the events of Rogue One?

iii. Star Wars Original Trilogy

Leia Organa/Han Solo

Interstitial adventures.

Alllll the banter.

Post-RotJ happiness and adventures and laughter.

Quiet moments when nothing needs to be said.

They have amazing sex, all the time and everywhere. They nearly get caught many times, but somehow they never quite do.

Luke Skywalker/Han Solo

AU in which Han and Luke are the ones to fall in love instead of Han & Leia. What changes?

Luke plays peacemaker between his boyfriend and his sister, because Han & Leia may not be together, but they still spar all the time.

Han coming back to save Luke’s ass in A New Hope because he can’t quite bear to have Luke blown to smithereens.

Han getting teased by old hardened smuggler buddies about his wide-eyed quiet boyfriend, only for Luke to surprise them a bit.

Lando Calrissian/Han Solo

Smugglers who keep running into each other on different worlds, and falling into bed on a kinda regular basis.

What is Chewie’s POV on this?

When the Milennium Falcon’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’.

Lando makes it up to Han for betraying him to Vader.

Han makes it up to Lando for stealing the Falcon.

I’m also interested in a threesome with Leia involved if you like! Or Luke, for that matter, but I think Lando was more interested in Leia. ;)

iv. Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Awakens

Finn & Chewbacca Rey & Chewbacca

Chewbacca bonding with Finn or Rey (or both), either during the movie or afterwards. (Particularly Rey if ‘afterwards’.)

Chewbacca and Rey becoming best buddies in an alternate universe in which she does get to cruise around the galaxy as a Falcon crewmember. Han says they’re ganging up on him.

Chewbacca comforting Rey after Han’s death.

Leia Organa & Rey Finn & Leia Organa

Leia bonding with Finn or Rey (or both), either during the movie or afterwards.

Leia telling Rey what she can about the Force, answering questions about Rey’s powers, etc. (Without a Kylo Ren focus, please.)

Leia telling Rey about Luke and what she can expect from him. Humor is great.

Finn’s heard Imperial stories about Leia. She’s a legend to him. Getting to know a legend is daunting!

Finn & Rey

Finn and Rey, best friends for life.

Finn and Rey have adventures.

Finn gets to come with Chewie once to visit Rey during her training.

Rey and Luke arrive at the Resistance base and the first person she wants to go see is Finn. They share all the stories about what’s been happening to them.

Finn & Rey & Poe Dameron

More of the above! I am totally here for platonic bromances and found family and all the awesome space adventures.

Finn/Rey Jessika Pava/Rey Poe Dameron/Finn & Jessika Pava/Rey Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey

The ships! Tell me a story or draw me a picture of finding love during a time of war.

Having sex in a X-wing doesn’t sound like a good idea but you know Poe’s done it.

Porny threesome fic is always a great choice. Especially if it’s funny as well as hot.

One of them is a matchmaker.

Everybody sleeps with everybody on the Resistance base, because hey, it’s wartime and you’re only young once and you might die tomorrow.

Alternate additional option to the last prompt: and sometimes people catch feelings for each other. :)

Leia Organa/Han Solo Poe Dameron/Leia Organa Poe Dameron/Leia Organa/Han Solo

Please no dubcon power-dynamics with Poe; I love these pairings only when Poe is 100% on board (and not in Leia’s direct line of command).

Leia misses Han, whether during the AWOL years or after Starkiller Base.

Leia and Han meet during the AWOL years.

Please tell me there’s a missing ‘reunited’ scene in Force Awakens.

Han is gone for years at a time. Leia’s never been someone to pine away forlornly. And she’s always had a weak spot for flyboys...

After a long day fighting with the Republic for more funding and worrying over intelligence reports, it’s pretty great to come back to her quarters and lay it all aside. Poe gives great massages.

Poe sings in the shower, hums while he’s making breakfast, and traces poetry on her skin. Leia’s not sure if she likes it or not, but she’s coming around.

Han, Leia, and Poe all in bed together would definitely blow my mind a bit with the sheer hotness level. Anything would be fantastic; one particular image that sticks in my head is Han fucking Poe while Poe goes down on Leia.

v. Star Wars RPF

Carrie Fisher/Mark Hamill Carrie Fisher & Mark Hamill

I read The Princess Diarist, and during her difficult fling with Harrison (in which she was constantly insecure, he never talked to her or seemed to like her very much except one time that she did an impression of him, and she was so young and inexperienced), Carrie explicitly told her diary at one point something along the lines of “why couldn’t it have been Mark?!” So of course I thought - what if it HAD been Mark? I bet that relationship would have worked much better, because Mark seems like a total sweetheart.

Alternatively, Carrie & Mark’s friendship over the years.

Carrie Fisher & Daisy Ridley Harrison Ford/Oscar Isaac Mark Hamill & Daisy Ridley Mark Hamill/Oscar Isaac

Carrie giving Daisy advice about entering the Star Wars universe. Canonically the only advice I’ve heard is that she told her to fight for her haircut and her outfit more generally (e.g. no buns or metal bikinis).

Mark and Daisy bonding during filming and developing a father-daughter or older brother-younger sister type of relationship. (I love that picture of her carrying him on her back like he carried Yoda!)

Oscar and either of his older counterparts have a torrid one-night stand. This is a very shallow request, I admit it. It’d be super hot either way but especially hot if Oscar was topping, for some reason. IDK. (I am not good at giving porny prompts. I get all blushy, lmao.)

John Boyega & Oscar Isaac & Daisy Ridley John Boyega/Oscar Isaac John Boyega/Daisy Ridley

The new trio bonding! Becoming friends during filming and marketing and watching the whole world going apeshit over you.

John Boyega falling in love with either one of his costars. <3 Romance or porn are both great. (Or both.)

Felicity Jones/Daisy Ridley Oscar Isaac/Diego Luna Riz Ahmed/Oscar Isaac

Crossover pairings! Romance, porn, or a combo are all great.

Oscar Isaac is in a lot of these pairings, I’m noticing now. But he is really hot. Sob.

Also, this is of course totally totally optional but I just saw the Golden Globes and damn damn damn I’ve fallen in love with Oscar Isaac/Gael García Bernal, soooo if that appealed to you and you felt like writing them, be my guest.

Riz Ahmed/Diego Luna Riz Ahmed/Diego Luna/Alan Tudyk

And finally, the Rogue One pairings! Whether you go with just Riz & Diego or with the full threesome, I think it’d be really hot. :) You could also go Riz/Diego & Alan if that dynamic appeals to you than Riz/Diego/Alan.

#chocolate box

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rxbxlcaptain · 7 years

Text

Once Upon A Disaster

I wrote this for @therebelcaptainnetwork‘s secret Valentine exchange. They originally required these stories be at least 1,000 words, but, as always, I got carried away with these two, so my story is six times that. The prompt “modern AU or a school/college AU” was given to me by @mamushkababuska. Needless to say, that gave me plenty of room to improvise and take this plot where I wanted it to go. As they say, write what you know, and what I know is the struggles of a pre-med major in college, so I forced poor Cassian to suffer in similar ways to myself.

That being said, I’ve worked plenty of science terms, including CRISPR technology. Like I don’t own Star Wars or any of these characters (or even e.e. cummings), I do not own the ideas behind CRISPR, nor did Galen Erso discover that amazing science. I encourage you all to look up the fascinating topic that is CRISPR and marvel at the truly talented scientists that are changing the way we approach medicine.

Without further ado, here’s the story… Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

Words: 6129

FF.Net / AO3 / Below the Cut!

Cassian Andor didn’t do love or relationships or even one-night stands. Flirting, drawing up romantic dinner plans, enticing a girl to come back to his apartment: the romance process took up way too much money and time. If there was one thing Cassian Andor didn’t have enough of, it was time.

No, he needed to fit the course load of a biochemistry/anthropology double major into his semester. He needed to take a couple more shifts washing dishes at the diner this weekend so that the rent could get paid. (He flatly refused for Kay to insist on covering him again.) He needed to type up the meeting minutes from his pre-med club. He needed to decide on his spring break plans: building homes in an impoverished town outside of New Orleans with Habitat for Humanity or vaccinating children in the Dominican Republic with Doctors Without Borders? He needed to keep up his 4.0 GPA so he could get a coveted summer internship at the cancer hospital in the city. He needed to land that internship so that Johns Hopkins medical school would look at his application.

The number one thing Cassian Andor did not need was a distraction.

And if Cassian had to describe Jyn Erso in two words, that’s what it would be. A Distraction.

She began by distracting their lab supervisor for organic chemistry. Ten minutes after the lab’s scheduled beginning, long after the introductory video for the lab had been shown, Jyn walked into the class.

No, “walked” was far too anticlimactic of a word. Jyn shoved her way into the lab, banging the door against the nearest wall and forcing the instructor to stop his lecture on safety.

The students stared, stunned past the point of mobility, at the latecomer. She wore, not the mandatory white lab coats and safety goggles like the other twenty-four students already sitting at their desks, but a Beatles tank top and flip flops. A half-hearted bun contained most of her hair, but much of it rebelled against its prison, falling into her eyes instead. She at least seemed to recognized that the cup of coffee in her hand violated some form of protocol, if her quiet “oops” and subsequent chugging of the liquid was any indication.

“You must be Miss Erso,” the instructor sighed, sounding resigned to the girl’s rule breaking rather than irritated, as Cassian expected. Longed for any other seat in the room, because next to his was the only unoccupied spot in the entire room.

Jyn gave a sloppy salute before heading towards Cassian, giving him a nod as she sat down.

At the front of the room, the instructor continued his lecture. “If you turn to your left,” Cassian flatly refused to look at the girl, “you’ll see your lab partner for the semester. Spend the next few minutes introducing yourself.”

In lieu of an introduction, Jyn asked, “Do you have a pen I could borrow? I forgot to bring one.” Without waiting for a response, she reached into his bag to find one, emerging with Cassian’s favorite pen, which she promptly dropped on the floor. “Oops.”

Cassian resisted the urge to groan.

As if her entrance to class wasn’t bad enough, she managed to take Cassian’s pen—who doesn’t bring a pen to the first day of class? —and leave her syllabus behind in her exit. Luckily, her flip flops made enough noise down the hallway that Cassian could follow her.

“Hey! Jyn!”

She paused, looking up from her smartphone.

Cassian shoved the syllabus at her. “You forgot this.” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice when he added, “And you took my pen.”

“I knew I was forgetting something.”

For Christ’s sake, was everything about this woman so apathetic? Surely, surely, Cassian thought, she has some kind of drive, some kind of motivation.

“Listen,” Cassian stopped her before she could walk away again, “This class is extremely important to me.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “So you need me to be a good little lab partner for you? So as to not screw you over?”

“Basically.”

She gave him a calculating look. “You’re trying to get into med school, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am.”

She snorted.

“What?” Cassian growled, suddenly defensive. “Why are you taking organic chemistry then?”

She shrugged. “Thought it looked interesting.”

Cassian watched her walk away for a few seconds, his mouth hanging open in confusion. She was two blocks down the street before Cassian realized he hadn’t gotten his pen back from her.

“She’s taking organic chemistry for the hell of it, Kay. What kind of person does that?”

“That increases her chances of being a psychopath by at least thirty-two percent.”

Cassian had first met Kaden Sage Ogden the Second his first night in the dorm. Kay—as he insisted on being called, rather than actually using the “horrid name” his father insisted on passing onto him—had a tremendously high IQ and a tendency to say whatever he wanted around people, especially, it seemed, if the comment was better left unsaid. Cassian hadn’t managed to shed his awkward skin from youth, his impoverished background insisting that he did not belong among the preppy eighteen year olds who came to college equipped with shiny smartphones and daddy’s credit card. Both boys were labeled as “social outcasts” within their life day. Cassian had begun resigning himself to social isolation until Kay approached him and, as was his style, began saying whatever he wanted, starting with, “Bets on how many of these idiots need to get their stomachs pumped tonight?”

Add in that they had the same career plans—turns out Kay wanted to go to med school, as well—and there began the longest, and best, friendship Cassian Andor ever had.

Two years later and the pair now lived together. Where Cassian declared biochemistry as his major, Kay had decided on psychology. Unfortunately, rather than helping him understand how people worked, it only helped Kay prove what was wrong with them. Hence deducing Jyn Erso’s probability of being a psychopath.

“Remind me why you’re attracted to her?” Kay turned the page of his neuroscience book, the question casually curious.

“I’m—what?! Kay, I’m not attracted to her. Christ, why would you even say that?”

Kay stared over the top of his book, one eyebrow cocked high. “Something to do with how approximately sixty-five percent of our conversations now include mentions of Jyn Erso.”

Cassian bristled, defensive. “Because she happens to be my partner in organic chemistry, a class I need an A in to get into med school someday. This is my future she’s fucking with. Of course I’m always thinking about her.”

“You managed to connect a ketchup bottle to Jyn Erso.”

Cassian didn’t have an excuse for that one.

“Personally, I suggest you just sleep with her and get it over with. Then our lives can go back to normal.”

“I’m not attracted to her.” But he sounded petulant, even to his own ears.

“And here I thought of denial as a stage of grief, not of love.”

“Move that beaker farther away from the flame,” Jyn ordered.

Cassian tossed the lab manual at her. “Temperature should be at ninety-five degrees Celsius. That’s what the thermometer says it is, so I think I’m leaving it there.”

“You’ll speed up the metabolic rate too much and we’ll never be able to see the reaction properly.” Her words were confident in the face of the contradictory instructions.

He gave her a long stare. “Are you honestly attempting to tell me that you know better than the Ph.Ds. who wrote this?”

She seemed offended that he would ask. Without waiting for his opinion, Jyn adjusted the height of the beaker and continued with the experiment. Cassian would never admit it out loud, but the change in temperature, less than three degrees Celsius, led to what the lab instructor praised as the best example of hydroboration in the lab.

“Captain,” Jyn announced as they cleaned their station. “I think that’s what I’ll call you, since you’ve got such a hard on for the rules.”

A week later, Jyn marched into lab with what she deemed a compromise. Cassian had never been so suspicious of anything in his life.

“Since you’re such a fan of following the rules, I edited the lab manual.” Indeed, her copy of the book had edits made throughout the text, white out covering the original text and new temperatures and mass amounts written over it in black ink. “This way, I know it’ll work and you’ll feel like you’re following instructions, rather than going rogue with me.”

“I don’t think this counts as following instructions.”

Jyn inclined her head, clearly saying Maybe, maybe not.

Glancing over his shoulder to ensure the lab instructor wouldn’t see their insubordination, Cassian followed her instructions. When, just like last week, their results were better than the rest of the lab, Jyn gave Cassian a significant look, as if expecting praise for her superior ways, which Cassian blatantly ignored.

Labs continued this way: Jyn providing superior instructions, Cassian following reluctantly. Every week, the question of how she always knew a better method danced on his tongue, but he never asked and Jyn never offered the information.

Of their three lectures a week, Jyn always skipped one and attended another. Cassian surmised that she must toss a coin in the air to decide if she the third lecture was worth her attention. Heads I go bother Cassian for an hour. Tails I give him a reprieve.

At the beginning of the semester, Cassian had worried this would mean she would demand his notes on a regular basis. She never once asked, though she must have been getting the information somewhere because she never seemed behind in the next lecture she graced with her presence. If anything, Cassian was forced to admit several weeks into the course, she remained ahead of even the most diligent students. It wasn’t enough for her to know that dienes could be formed from halides under basic conditions and alcohol under acidic conditions; she wanted to debate with the professor about the ideal conditions for the transition.

More times than Cassian cared to admit, she ended up winning those debates.

What he hated to admit even more was how often he turned to her for help in studying for the midterm. If his notes needed clarification, if he just couldn’t understand the difference between enantiomers and diastereomers, Jyn knew the answer. Asking her for help was just as useful as attending the professor’s office hours. The only thing Cassian could never figure out was how she knew all the information so easily. Maybe she had taken the class before and was repeating it; maybe she was secretly a TA infiltrating the class, like on Undercover Boss. Unfortunately for Cassian’s curiosity, Jyn tended to be just as tight lipped about her past as he was with his, so his questions remained unanswered.

The day of the exam, Jyn beat Cassian to class. She gave him half a smile as he sat down, though he barely noticed. Half his mind screamed in a panic while the other half desperately attempted to remember that panic did nothing for his ability to focus. The battle was turning to all out civil war, and Cassian worried that the only loser would be his exam grade.

“I lost at least three nights of sleep for this exam,” Cassian grumbled, unsure if he was talking to Jyn or if he was just lamenting his loss.

“That’s… dedicated,” Jyn said slowly. Somehow, Cassian got the feeling that wasn’t the word she wanted to use.

“How long did you spend studying then, Miss Know-it-all?”

She shrugged, nonchalant. “I flipped through my notes a few times.”

Cassian choked on his coffee. “You what?! Jyn, this exam is worth a third our grade.”

She merely hummed in response, flipping the page in her notebook with one hand. Taking advantage of his shock, she reached out to steal the coffee out of Cassian’s hand. Her face contorted upon tasting it. “Would you like a little coffee to go with your sugar there, Captain?”

“No one said you had to drink it,” Cassian said sullenly, moving the cup further from Jyn.

“Won’t make that mistake again.”

Rather than last second reviewing, as the exams were passed out, Cassian’s brain wondered just how strong Jyn Erso must take her coffee if a singular pack of sugar and a splash of milk counted as more sugar than coffee.

Eighty-five percent. Cassian scored an eighty-five percent on his midterm. Assuming this was before the curve—the main god that pre-med students worshipped—Cassian could finally exhale, letting out a little of his stress.

Until, of course, he saw the blue exam booklet sitting on his lab partner’s desk.

“A ninety-two?” Cassian exclaimed, grabbing the exam away from Jyn’s uninterested face. “You said you barely studied!”

“I didn’t.”

Cassian stared at her, an obvious What the fuck? expression on his face. “I call bull. No one gets a ninety-two on an o-chem exam without studying.”

“Surely you’ve taken a microbiology course, right?”

“Obviously.” What did this have to do with her acing an o-chem exam without studying?

She stared at him for a second, and spoke slowly, how one would speak to a toddler. “My father is Galen Erso.”

A few moments passed before the name clicked into place.

“Galen Erso? As in, the man who invented CRISPR, Galen Erso?”

“That would be the one.”

Only this girl, Cassian thought, would calmly proclaim her father as a world renounced scientist with that air of flippancy. CRISPR could change everything about the world of science, completely rework medical research, by giving people the ability to edit entire genomes.

“That’s amazing,” Cassian breathed, trying to remember more details of her father’s work. “I read one of his papers from a few years ago, the improvements— “

“Listen,” Jyn cut him off, “I’ve heard the whole speech before, okay? Jyn, your father is amazing! Jyn, you must be so proud! I don’t need to hear it again. Just take it as an explanation for the grade.”

Jyn stared him down for a moment as if challenging Cassian to continue his praise of her father’s work. Luckily—or maybe it was unluckily, Cassian wasn’t sure—the instructor called them to attention after a moment and Jyn took the chance to look away. Cassian, however, continued to stare at her, slack-jawed. He began to believe that, no matter what he did, he would never understand Jyn Erso.

A quick Google search that afternoon pulled up more information on Galen Erso for Cassian. As he remembered, Dr. Erso had been the original microbiologist to discover CRISPR’s ability to cut through double stranded DNA. His work had since been taken over by a Dr. Orson Krennic two years previous. The next page told him the reason.

Galen Erso had died of pancreatic cancer.

All at once, Jyn’s harsh reaction to discussing her father made sense.

Cassian Andor had a table in the library. He was there from the time his data analysis lecture let out at 2:30 until his shift at the diner began at 6, every weekday.

Cassian wouldn’t call himself superstitious. He didn’t need to sit at this table, per se, but it was his favorite table. He wanted to sit there. Far enough from the café that the incessant chatter and strong coffee smell were present but kept to a minimum, right by a window so he could see the outside world when his nose stayed in a book for hours: if they gave Academy Awards in the library, “Best Table” would be presented to his table every year.

Luckily, Cassian had only said this out loud once. Kay had been the only one listening, and he thankfully let the whole conversation bury itself and never resurface.

If there was anyone in the universe Cassian did not want to explain his love of this table to, it was Jyn Erso. The woman currently using his favorite seat at his favorite table.

“You are sitting at my table.”

She snorted without looking up from her books. “Are there assigned seats in the library I wasn’t aware of? A signup sheet I missed?”

“I always sit here.”

“Bully for you. I’m sitting here now.”

“Not anymore you’re not. Move.”

“Captain,” she sighed, finally looking up at him. “There are three more seats at this table. For Pete’s sake, sit in one.”

Huffing, Cassian took a seat and pulled out his physics textbook. For the first few minutes of work, Cassian firmly ignored Jyn’s presence at the table, forcing all his energy into three-dimensional vectors. Jyn, however, was not as dedicated to Cassian’s ideal of silence. He knew from lab that Jyn was an external processor: she would repeat measurements to herself or mutter under her breath almost constantly while they wrote observations. If she wasn’t talking, she fidgeted in some way, clicking her pen or doodling in the margins of her notes. What Cassian wasn’t accustomed to was seeing Jyn frustrated, which she definitely was now. She made several angry sounding exhales before Cassian raised his head to question what could possibly frustrate the great Jyn Erso this badly.

Jyn didn’t seem to notice him at all. Her left hand fisted the hair that traditionally fell in her face while her right hand held a pen—was that his pen? —so tightly her knuckles had turned white. In front of her sat a book of poetry and a notebook whose only notes had been harshly scribbled out. Her pen jabbed at the poem a few times, as if Jyn could stab the words away.

Cassian cleared his throat. “Having difficulties?”

Jyn glared at him with the same acidity she gave her book. “This isn’t in English,” she complained, her voice a strange mix between a growl and a whine.

Cassian pulled the book to him. E.E. Cumming’s “a connotation of infinity” stared back at him; no wonder she didn’t understand a lick of what it said. No capitalization, strange punctuation, illogical sentence structure: poetry didn’t have a clear answer like science did. It spoke to the soul, to raw emotions Cassian guessed that Jyn had shoved away years ago.

“I can assure you it’s not in Spanish,” Cassian offered. “Poetry has a language all to itself.”

“It’s a stupid language.” Jyn’s head landed on the table, her arms forming a protective cage around it.

Cassian read the poem she was struggling with:

connotation of infinity

sharpens the temporal splendor of this night

when souls which have forgot frivolity

in lowliness, noting the fatal flight

of world whereto this earth’s a hurled dream

down eager avenues of lifelessness

“Souls which have forgot frivolity…” Cassian murmured, running his fingers along the words. His stomach clenched, an involuntary reflection of his childhood days without food. Visions of his parents, gone when he was just a child, flowed through his mind. These past traumas were etched deep into his soul and, traditionally, Cassian believed them to be indescribable. Apparently his brain and not the English language limited him, because E. E. Cummings understood.

Jyn, Cassian knew, had not spent her life away from tragedy. She knew the deep pain E.E. Cummings described, if only she would let herself feel it.

“Read it out loud,” Cassian urged her. “Maybe it’ll help.”

Jyn glared, but complied.

…When what’s in velvet beyond doomed thought…

“None of this is logical,” Jyn concluded at the end.

“It’s not about logic. It’s about feeling. He’s found a way to bring emotions into words.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you were a biochemistry major, not a lit major,” Jyn quipped.

Cassian shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions.”

She stared at him slowly for a moment, her eyes softening. “Me neither, I suppose.”

Jyn pulled the book back to her half of the table, picking up her pen with more confidence than before. Cassian tried to turn his attention back to his physics textbook, but his eyes wandered to her movements frequently. Notes remained in her notebook without being scratched out and the tension drained out of her face.

Cassian had been in awe of her during organic; the way she floated through one of the most difficult courses at the university gave even the professors, not to mention Cassian, pause. But, in a moment of sheer surprise, Cassian found himself more taken by Jyn Erso in her moment of struggle, watching her fight beyond the difficulty and emerge victorious. As Jyn put her finishing touches on her annotations and smiled, proud of her work, Cassian knew he was in trouble.

like a woman amorous to be known;

and man, whose here is always worse than naught,

feels the tremendous yonder for his own—

Of all the people Cassian expected knocking on his door at 10 o’clock on a Friday night—not that many people frequented his and Kay’s place—Jyn Erso definitely wasn’t one of them.

“I come bearing a peace offering,” she stated when Cassian opened the door, holding a bottle of vodka in her left hand and a Chinese takeout bag in her right.

“There better be orange chicken in there,” Cassian threatened in a way of greeting, leaving the door open as an invitation.

“Kay,” Cassian addressed his lounging roommate, “this is Jyn.”

This piqued Kay’s interest enough to glance away from the crime show on the television. “Ah, the infamous lab partner.”

“Glad to know my reputation precedes me,” Jyn called from the door where she kicked off her shoes.

“Trust me,” Kay snorted, “Cassian has mentioned you.”

“Only bad things I hope.”

God forbid, but she smiled, and Cassian wanted to laugh. He wanted to throw his arm around her shoulder and pull her close, maybe even press his lips to her hairline. She looked at him, her eyes still glowing with the smile, and Cassian thought she might have been the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

He moved himself away from those thoughts quickly, offering to grab glasses and plates instead. Small as the apartment was, he could easily hear Kay’s insensitive “Cassian doesn’t trust you, which means neither do I.”

“Charming,” Jyn replied, apparently unfazed.

Cassian hurried to Jyn’s side before Kay had the chance to throw any other backhanded comments.

Kay didn’t seem too interested in continuing to insult Jyn, however. Instead, he glanced between the Jyn and Cassian quickly, no doubt analyzing their body language and movements. “Think I’ll retire early, kids,” he concluded, getting up from the couch. “Don’t drink that entire bottle tonight, or there’s a good chance you won’t be awake for work in the morning, Cassian.”

Jyn snorted as he walked away. “So is he your roommate or your house mother?”

Cassian shrugged, reaching for the food as a distraction.

Ignoring Kay’s advice, the bottle of vodka neared empty by the time the fried rice was gone and they had finished fighting over the last piece of orange chicken. Turns out the casual drinking, the characters on TV providing background noises, was the key to unlocking the story of how Jyn grew into the laziest, smartest, most standoffish pain in the ass Cassian had ever met.

“The science, well, it was my father’s whole life. He practically lived at the lab, only coming home to sleep and shower and maybe eat. It drove my mother insane for years before she left. But,” Jyn paused, giving a small snort. “She wasn’t much the parenting type herself, so I was shoved off onto my father in the custody hearings. Nothing was important enough to stop his work, though, so I joined him in the lab. I grew up playing with centrifuges and memorizing Hess’s Law. For a fifteenth birthday present, I became a full member of his lab.” Another swig of vodka. “I could have gotten my bachelor’s degree years ago, maybe even my master’s.”

Cassian shook his head. “See, that’s what I don’t understand. You’re wasting your time around us peasants and our poorly calibrated machines. Why? Is this some form of rebellion for you?”

Jyn stayed quiet for a second. “He died. He died and I couldn’t stand to look at the lab. Everything I knew about science, everything I loved about it… All of it was tainted. With memories of him. So I took off, ran away from everything I knew. But, without all of it, I didn’t know who I was.” She turned, smiling at Cassian again. “So I’m here until I figure out.”

Their faces, Cassian’s alcohol fogged brain belatedly noticed, were much closer than he realized. His hand had snaked its way behind her shoulder and hers rested on his knee. His eyes stared into hers, though he tried to ignore quick glances she kept giving his lips.

“You don’t drink much, do you?” Jyn asked, her voice softer than he had ever heard it. Her fingers moved, just as softly, to his lips, lightly outlining them, following as he shook his head.

“I don’t have time to waste on drinking and a hangover.”

“It’s not always a waste, you know.”

“Oh really? What’s the benefit?”

“This.”

And she kissed him.

Her lips were gentle, barely brushing his. She pulled back after a second, but Cassian followed, matching the sweet kiss she had given him. The gesture was too romantic for the setting, the cops on the TV still attempting to solve some bloody murder, empty take out containers littering the coffee table, the lights around them harsh, designed for studying, not romantic trysts on the couch.

But, god, she tasted good. Cassian couldn’t resist meeting her lips with more force, winding his hand into her hair and grabbing hold. He didn’t mind in the slightest when Jyn took charge, the way she did with everything in her life, by swinging one of her legs over his. Cassian bit her bottom lip and, if her answering moan was any indication, she enjoyed it just as much as he did.

After a few minutes of messing up hair and battling tongues, Jyn reached down to the hem of his shirt, toying with the muscles of his abs; her cold fingers snapped Cassian back to the room. He groaned pulling away from her lips, and glanced at the clock. 2:04 AM.

“Jyn?”

She didn’t respond, her lips and teeth occupied against Cassian’s throat.

“Jyn, I have to be at work in six hours. I need to sleep.”

With a sigh, she pulled away, moving off his lap and standing up. With her lips swollen and her hair beautifully disarrayed thanks to Cassian’s wandering hands, the last thing he wanted to do was let her go. As if sensing this, she reached back for him, placing a hand on his face and one last kiss on his lips.

“I’ll see you in lab,” Cassian whispered.

“Not if I see you first.”

She calmly gathered her shoes at his door and left without looking back. Cassian exhaled, a weird mixture of a groan and a sigh. What had he just done?

Two weeks later, Jyn appeared at his door again, armed again with vodka and take out bags.

“Indian this time. Variety is the spice of life and all that.” She didn’t even wait for Cassian to respond before forcing her way through his front door.

“Jyn Erso and the revolting smell of curry? Spare me, please,” Kay called from the kitchen.

“Ah, Kay, too kind for words, as usual.” Considering most people’s reaction to Kay, Jyn’s sarcastic response was nothing.

“No need to worry,” Kay shot back, “I won’t be staying long. In the words of that little wizard boy, ‘I’ll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I don’t exist.’” With that, he closed the door to his room.

Jyn sent a questioning glance towards Cassian.

“He tends to say the first thing that crosses his brain and there was a Harry Potter marathon on this weekend.”

Jyn still looked bewildered, not that Cassian could blame her, but seemed to accept Kay’s behavior. She moved to their spot on the couch—when had it become their spot?—to sit down. Cassian went to the kitchen, returning with two glasses of coke, which he poured a generous portion of vodka into. They ate and drank in silence for a few minutes, their attention on the TV, before Cassian turned to her.

“Did you have more life secrets to share?”

“No,” Jyn answered, fiddling with the various take out boxes out on the coffee table. “I figured we could do you this week. After all, you could fill out an entire dossier on my life.”

He could, he supposed. He could fill out where she was born, her skills and her weaknesses, the labs she had worked in and what experiments she knew best. However, what Cassian wanted to know wouldn’t fit into the cold, hard facts of a dossier. Cassian wanted to know what he looked like before her coffee in the morning, her favorite food to grab when she was still studying at two in the morning, what she remembers of her mother, if she picked up her constant muttering from her father.

He wanted to know her in a way he had never wanted to know anyone before, and that scared him.

Jyn misinterpreted his silence as reluctance to speak about himself, because when she spoke again, it was in a smooth and reassuring tone, her eyes innocent and inviting. “You don’t have to, of course, it’s just… Trust goes both ways, Captain.”

“I trust you.” And he did. Idly, he wondered when that happened. “I just wouldn’t know where to start.”

“Where’s home?”

“Here, I guess,” Cassian shrugged. Naturally she would start with the most complicated question. “First place I ever felt wanted.”

“You didn’t when you were growing up?”

Cassian snorted. “My parents died when I was six, so a cousin took in my older brother and I. We were told to keep out of the way, most of the time.” The place he called home for a little over a decade was deep in the inner city, surrounded by gangs and violence. Memories of all the strange men and women, his cousin’s drug suppliers and dealers, Cassian would learn later in life, that would come and go in their tiny apartment filled his mind. He and his brother would be shoved into a backroom and told to keep quiet.

“The only place I enjoyed was school,” Cassian continued quietly, refusing to look at Jyn even though he could feel her gaze heavy on his face. “I was good at it, you know? Things made sense to me.

“But, I was small, couldn’t pack a very good punch, and the other kids knew it.” How many times had Cassian come home with a black eye or a bloody nose? “My brother would always fix me up, tell me it would be okay, that the other kids were just jealous. A few years later, he got caught in a gang fight. Ended up dead in the middle of the street about a block from home.”

Jyn gave no reaction, but her gaze slid away from his face. He wondered if he had gone too far with the story—he had only ever entrusted Kay with the story of his childhood before—and what her reaction would be. He wouldn’t blame her if she walked away now, deemed him too damaged to deal with, helpless beyond repair. She didn’t get up to leave, as Cassian half expected. She only gently probed further.

“Then how did you get here?”

“Hope.”

“Hope?” She echoed back, clear disbelief in her tone.

“My life’s been built on hope. And time management skills.”

She gave half a laugh, but obviously that explanation was not enough.

“One summer, some idiot from my neighborhood broke my nose and gave me this.” Cassian lifted his shirt to show a three-inch scar running across his abs. Memories of blood and pain broke through long standing barriers in Cassian’s mind. He fought against the onslaught of gruesome recollections, knowing they had the power to drown him. He fished, instead, for the shining beacon of hope that emerge from the wreckage of his childhood. “The doctor who stitched me up understood, said he came from a gang-infected area too. He told me I didn’t have to stay there, that if I worked hard I could get away and live the life I wanted.

“So I did what he said. I worked my ass off to get here.” Two jobs during the school year, three during the summer. Locking himself in his room for hours to study until he fell asleep on his textbooks. Avoiding others at school to prevent bloody noses and a police record. “The only other option was to rot in that hellhole like my cousin. Probably die bloody like my brother. My parents, my brother… they wanted better for me than that. I didn’t want to disappoint them. So I made something of myself.”

“Going to get your name on a Nobel Prize for medicine someday, Captain Andor?”

He shook his head. “I just want to help people.”

“Like that doctor helped you?”

He finally met Jyn’s gaze. “Exactly.”

She sighed and shifted closer to him on the couch. Silence overtook them for a few minutes. Jyn, with tentative fingers, reached out to rub a hand through Cassian’s hair. He relaxed into her touch, allowing her to comfort him in a way no one had ever offered before.

“You must have thought my story was so shallow. No wonder you hated me.”

“I didn’t hate you,” Cassian quickly disagreed, “Nor do I think you’re shallow.”

Their eyes met, both of them vulnerable and open in ways they weren’t accustomed to. Jyn’s hand shifted from his hair to his cheek and he leaned into it. He, in turn, reached forward to brush her hair away from her face as he’d been longing to do for so long. Slowly, he leaned forward to press his lips against hers. Like their last kiss on this couch, it was gentle, filled with emotion that made Cassian’s heart ache. They held each other close as their lips brushed over and over.

Cassian pushed her onto her back, his body hovering over her. He planted his arms on either side of her head, careful to keep his weight off her, until she wrapped her legs around his waist. Their hips met and Cassian groaned. His lips drifted from her lips, down to the column of her neck.

“Cassian,” Jyn breathed as he bit the skin lightly. Her hands roamed his back, reaching under his shirt. She traced around to his abs, reaching for the scar Cassian had showed her earlier. She mapped the skin there, memorizing the physical marks of his life story he had just shared. Looking back into her dark eyes, Cassian left a sense of intimacy he had been missing his whole life.

“Stay with me tonight,” he whispered.

She nodded, pulling his head back to hers for a kiss. After a moment, they shifted around, Cassian spooning behind her, his arms pulling her close to his chest. Their limbs tangled awkwardly in the transition before finally settling comfortably. Cassian reached for her hand, holding it tight.

“Good night, Captain.” The quiet words drifted along with Cassian as he fell asleep.

“Oh, good, she’s still here.”

Surprised by Kay’s booming voice, Cassian jumped up, nearly knocking Jyn off the couch in the process.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I startle you?”

Cassian glared at his roommate through tired eyes. Kay only sighed before throwing up his hands in surrender and walking into the kitchen. Jyn rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, yawning loudly.

“I either need another two hours of sleep or two cups of coffee,” she complained.

“There’s a great breakfast place about two blocks from here,” Cassian offered. “They serve an excellent cup of coffee.”

“Are you asking me on a date, Cassian Andor?”

He couldn’t resist returning the smile she gave him. “Only if you want it to be one, Jyn Erso.”

“I’ll grab my shoes then.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “It’s about time you decided to buy me a meal. I’ve already brought you takeout twice.”

About halfway to the diner, Cassian’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out to reveal a text from Kay.

She’s going to be around a lot, isn’t she?

Yes, Cassian decided, beaming down at their intertwined hands, Jyn Erso was going to be around a lot.

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