the-cindy-diaries

[the-cindy-diaries]

5:28 am est 5.12.16

i am in love with life & the silly faces we get to make, the time alone we get to ourselves to doodle and draw, dance around in our underwear to our favroite tunes like no one is watching, sing loudly, watch the sunrise at 5am, take random pictures of ourselves, practice guitar, acting and be anything or anyone we want, and pencil in our notebooks and diaries all the great beautiful things we aspire to do… #dontletthebastardsgetyoudown favorite quote today:  “you’re under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago” xoxoxo C follow my insta if you like my feed:  

@CinndySterling

twitter: @CinndySterling     

youtube: Cindy Sterling

[the-cindy-diaries]

what age did you start pursuing acting?

At age 18. I started this year

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what's your ask fm?

Ask.fm/CinndySterling:)

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What's your Ideal first date?

Idk I don't really care what we do, I just care if they're interesting, genuinely nice, and have intellectual depth.

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How did you get your agents? I'm trying to be an actor and you inspire me :)

Go to my ask.fm Ask.fm/cinndysterling

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What tips can you give aspiring actresses?

Go to my ask.fm Ask.fm/cinndysterling

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Where did you go to classes for acting?

Some people don't need acting classes like Blake Lively or Debby Ryan and I have taken that route & taught my self through the method acting technique. That is the technique Jake Gyllenhall uses.

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How did you get feature on those tv shows without an agent?

I have 3 agencies in LA and I am getting more in different countries.

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April 27, 2015

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVwjI24eFnI&list=PLEQDB_UGukoLDT23QcdX-pX8AAki8f2RI&index=2 It’s crazy, we’re about to graduate, fucking graduate!!!!

It feels like it isn’t a big deal but never ever does until the moment passes... then it becomes a moment we wish we could have back or relive again. I’m so happy!!!! I know when I am standing on that stage that I will be freaking out and smiling so insanely hard that a chapter of my life has been gladly, adventurously, beautifully accomplished. Everything on this blog may seem so pointless when I am doing it, but I know at some time in my future when everything is glowing and seems to make sense, I will look back on all these words I’ve written and be so happy that everything is starting to fall together. I’ve never had it all. A perfect family, an abundance of money to fall on, a perfect start to highschool, but I’ve had such beautiful memories and crazy loves I’ll probably always love... and a story that can hopefully help those dealing with depression the way that I have dealt with it, which is why I’m so open about it. If you can be angel in someone’s life of dark and vague... WHY WOULDN’T YOU?

#graduation #my favorite soundtrack #girl thoughts #senior diary #cindy sterling #crazy #happy

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Depression

For a very long long time, I have battled depression. It won’t seem to leave me the fuck alone.

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the lion in a cage, the butterfly in the glass jar.

she held her head against the wind, brown follicles dancing in the gusts that lifted her higher. happy people didn't understand air, the happiness and chill it brings to your soul, lifting you into a greater realm of non existence, free step, and the enchantment of mimicking weightlessness. moving her arms against the currents of oxygen, she was being tossed but by a rhythm, and the crowd ate it up as they followed. she could rely on the wind to carry her higher but hated the ground. staying still loudly killed her, as a wild lion in a cage would so predictably be, or a butterfly in a glass container. sometimes the things and people who wanted to capture her beauty and hold her captive for their enjoyment ruined her. she didn't know herself well enough now, or ever would come to know soon as to what the time was. she needed to roam but she couldn't roam far; her heart always pulled her back to the idea of love and that someone might feel it with the look of her. so she never moved too far. she was never completely gone or lost within herself. her moon eyes and desire anchored her.  she waited on big moments to change her, and it was killing her. diminishing her time is what she was doing, her biggest mistake.. as she waited for an eyelash to batter and a big moment to erupt, changing the moon and the skies and the stars and the way mornings and white sheets tasted on her lips and on her head. the idea of love entranced her. she needed to know if she collapsed a leaf for her to lay would be there as she fell... that you would be that leaf, that safe-haven of a realm, far away from reality. she needed pinnacle, obsessive, wild, addictive affection... someone whose demons played well with hers. nothing ever sufficed, she was a pessimist who looked for the bruise in the fruit and held it so hard, that there become one.

#something I wrote #Alt-J #11pm #I am a butterfly #a lion in a cage #a damsel and a fool

[the-cindy-diaries]

The Diaries, Pg. 8

april 14,2015 10:24 PM in the car I talked to my mother about how my depression is starting to creep up again and my thoughts on suicide are once again surfacing... she said, if I ever did anything and if I were gone she would want to be too... that made me feel better and made me feel horrified. so tomorrow, I will be seeing a specialist in the field to start up therapy again. BUT THIS TIME - I am really looking forward to it. I remember being addressed to it when I was younger but avoiding talking about myself and my problems at every cost and every angle. but, back then I was good at dealing with my problems. I was strong enough to fight them off without the help or comfort of anyone. However, I don't think i'm that strong anymore. In fact I'm weak, and I'm chiseling into cracks deeper and deeper, I can feel myself falling apart and chipping under all the weight; the pressure. we talked about reasons why I could be acting this way...

as I found there were too many. Being soft and delicate and nice to everyone doesn't always mean your pleasant company and warm smiles are something that add to your personal happiness. I believe sometimes, the gentle and sweet get taken apart in this world. people take advantage of it. or they are confused by it and don't believe it to be genuine. so, it confuses them. People with ego will walk all over it. they sense no guilt just the want for power and their happiness if built by themselves for themselves. Soft and delicate flowers may have no place in this world. We are a bit toothless and don't step on others toes. Pressures get to us because we want to delicate forever and never want to change. Life scares me so much so, Adult hood is such a fear. Not growing old, but responsibilities. I am not ready and the pressures to do so much just make me want to find an escape, a way around it, a way to not loose myself. with acting, I know I can accomplish this wild dream, my greatest fantasy. I can escape into something where my personality doesn't have to die or change; it can be kept; I can be kept alive. I don't have to die and accept 9-5 like everyone else eventually must.

#depression #suicide #overthinking #thoughts #parents #dreamer #youth #responsiblity #fears #diary entry #my journey #secrets

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have you ever felt so much pain you looked up how to obtain a firearm in California? ...as your hands were shaking and you looked at them to disappear, the way you seem to when you alter the past have you ever been told to fuck off and go somewhere else because its easy for someone else to not feel guilt? ...I want to disappear regardless of where I place myself now... I can not be happy.

I feel emotionally battered, like the soul and desire has successfully been beaten out of me. more and more I think about that firearm now than ever. nothing is  worth this pain anymore.

[the-cindy-diaries]

The Diaries. Pt. 6

2:09PM April 3rd, 2015 My father and the woman he married// It is so easy for a man to die alone. The egos they carry push away the woman they love, so easily. At some point they stop doing the things they do to keep the woman they pursued and longed for. Smart men do not. Men who are not very smart, let the love die, let their imagination tell them they will be there forever, they believe somewhere in their head that they hold power, a certain dominance that bounds them two together, because somewhere in this mans mind, he is in charge, he is needed to carry the weight of the family. A woman never has fear. She knows her next best heaven, is just around the corner. Husbands should beware, and young boyfriends alike. A smart man knows, never let his honey stray too far, he does not sleep when he knows she can be swept off her feet any second, or targeted by another man of the lust he feels for his girl. A fool, sits, idle... he watches tv on his new big screen while his wife is off somewhere, close to locking lips with someone else. A married man... he will cheat, all the time, in his head, with his eyes, or with his real physical attributes and come home to his wife after being with mistress. When his wife really leaves, the one whom he swears he never will leave and truly loves, its a catastrophe. For some reason, its okay in the eye of our society for a man to cheat on his housecat at home and for a woman scorned who moves forward easily to be called a whore. A woman only leaves if you let her. Fool. A mans ego. A mans ego will never get him far, he will let it destroy him.

#marriage #husbands #wives #lesson on women #idiots #egos #why men will die alone #smart men #idiotic men #the diaries

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#reasons I am excited about the future #love #couples #house #dream apartment #dream condo #hippie luxe #wanderlust #travelers heart #imagination #creation #creativity #comfortable living #cute frienships #bliss #mason jar decorations #scrapbooking

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#reasons I am excited for the future #sea lions #silly faces #sea creatures #sailing #mason jar decorations #lemonade #decorating #sunset #big blue #ocean #starfish #purple starfish #green starfish #red starfish #seashells #lovely world #scrapbooking

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Page 5

2:17pm I feel like absolute shit