MY GOD. Iām so desperately in love with him, itās ridiculous.
This boy is my entire life. Itās unhealthy. But I can not stop thinking about him
He is mine. I adore him.
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I compare myself to everyone and anyone. Models on Instagram, my best friends I see everyday, actresses in my favorite movies, people I meet one at parties.
And I always find things I would change about myself, based on them. Anything they can do better, I immediately criticize about myself.
I think about what I donāt have or canāt do and I hate myself for those flaws.
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Whenever I drink, Iām tempted to text people whatever Iām feeling at the moment. Usually pretty deep stuff, like how much I love them, things I regret, or just embarrassing things Iāve done.
But Iāve developed some self control and thank myself every morning for not sending those texts.
I know that ādrunk words are sober thoughtsā but Iām still so grateful that I never send those drunk messages anymore. It has helped me so much because it gives me a chance to reanalyze the situation and then react accordingly.
Never call or text anymore while youāre drunk, unless your in danger, lost, or have your sober friends permission.
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TRIGGER WARNING
Soooo my best friend just told me to kms (I think as a joke) and I donāt know what to do with myself rn.
Context: I posted an āugly picā of her on my spam account (with 6 followers and one other person saw it) and then she commented ākysā. Iāve now deleted the pic and no one else saw the pic except her and a friend of ours and I apologized.
Anyway I really donāt know how to feel about this. She knows a lot about my situation and the fact that she just said that is weird. I really donāt know what to do rn.
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I donāt really know what Iām feeling right now.
Sometimes Iām euphoric and am excited for whatās going to happen. Iām motivated to be healthy and see my friends. Next the thing I know Iām ripped down into a hole of self pity and sadness and start neglecting myself again.
It happens to fast and I canāt keep up with my mind anymore.
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