nobodyinpages

[nobodyinpages]

I try to escape these feelings.

Stuck inside my mind,

If only you could see me the way I see you,

If only you had time.

I want to be happy,

But fear I never will.

Dark voices crawl into my brain,

Like an incessant winters chill.

‘Silly boy’ they say to me,

Venom in their words,

‘You are not destined to be loved,

Only to be hurt.’

So I distract myself in daylight,

And weep throughout the night,

I can’t understand these feelings,

But I know they don’t feel right.

I’ll sing a little melody, to get you off my mind,

But every song leads back to you,

If given enough time.

The future is not set in stone,

And hope can still arise.

I only wish that one day when I look into your eyes,

You finally look back in mine.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled poem #spilled writing #spilled pain #spilled emotions #spilled ink #spilled heart #spilled tears #spilled everything

[nobodyinpages]

There are lonelier days,

where I sink back in exhaustion and imagine your arms wrapped around me.

I close my eyes for a moment and it’s real,

your heart beat drumming through my back.

When I open my eyes again I’m met with an icy coldness,

The realization that I am sitting all alone.

My breath stalls,

heart racing.

I haven’t known your touch in so long,

but when the sun is low,

and my mind is foggy,

I can still feel what you left behind.

Ghost touches.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled poem #spilled emotions #spilled pain #spilled poetry #spilled ink #lonliness #spilled heart

[nobodyinpages]

Your breath, against my skin,

Burns like a forest fire.

Tangled up in your web of misconceptions, listening to only your words, with no second guesses.

You feel so good here,

Burning against my neck.

Seeping under my skin, penetrating, you’re poison in my bloodstream.

I can’t seem to get rid of you,

Even on the nights where all I can think of is every lie you’ve ever fed me, every promise you ever broke, I still find myself crossing deserts to meet your lips again.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #artists on tumblr #spilled poem #spilled ink #failed love

[nobodyinpages]

Why haven’t I gotten over you?

I’m my dreams your touches are so gentle and overwhelming,

And when I wake up from them I find myself reaching out for you.

You.

You didn’t want me,

But I still have all these feelings in my chest that tell me we were meant to be together.

What happens to love that doesn’t get to bloom?

Does it leave you aching the way I do?

Do you feel as if you miss me too?

Or do you wake from dreams without my face,

And walk through a day without thoughts of me.

I wish I could do the same,

But our love is still inside of me,

I can’t seem to get it out.

It feels like you’re the only answer.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #artists on tumblr #oldie but goodie #old writing #spilled emotions #spilled poetry #spilled pain #spilled love #spilled ink

[nobodyinpages]

Your hands are faint whispers on my skin,

Far away but still present.

I can feel every place you ever touched me,

As if your hands were meant to be there.

Brushing

Down

My

Side

Sometimes I close my eyes and I lean back into your chest,

You hold me for a moment before I open them again.

For some reason the world feels cold without you.

All I can think is what if, why.

Why can’t I shake the feeling of your hands,

Squeezing my shoulders.

Your fingers leafing through my hair.

God you felt so good.

My hands felt so safe in yours.

I wish I could hold them again.

Is it better to have things that do not last,

Than things that end before they begin?

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #writers block #vent poetry #old memories #pain in words

[nobodyinpages]

I often find myself wondering what life would be without you.

Without me.

I wonder about all the things I cannot see,

All the things I will never do.

Can we have regrets for reality’s we never even lived in?

Who could I have been,

One step in the other direction rips you onto another course.

I wonder if you’d have loved me,

If I had walked closer to your burning sun,

Instead of basking in the cold safety of my own moon.

I wonder of all the thoughts that have yet to cross my mind,

Dreams of you that are yet to come.

Of a universe so wide and vast compared to this small planet,

Jam packed with people who all turn to look the other way.

I wonder of you, of me, of us.

I wonder the life that I will live,

The lives that I missed,

But mostly I think about the lives that I will change.

The people I will come across who feel as though they have walked through my entire life with me.

The people I will love,

And laugh with,

The people who will show me pieces of myself that I didn’t even know existed.

All of these things I wonder about,

All these things I cannot begin to understand,

These things I can’t rid from my mind.

I wonder.

#artist on tumblr #poets on tumblr #poems #writers #spilled poem #existential thoughts #spilled ink #spilled emotions #spilled writing #writers on tumblr #in my head #my poetry #my writing #spilled thoughts #thoughts on paper #vent poetry #vent poem

[nobodyinpages]

What is the point of living,

If you can’t feel anything?

To wake up faced with the same dreadful day,

Over,

And over,

And over again.

There’s no release.

When you spend a whole lifetime running from something that’s always just about to catch up to you.

You learn to see existence for what it truly is,

Torment.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled poem #spilled writing #spilled pain #vent poetry #vent poem #art #poetry is alive #poetry is art #spilled ink

[nobodyinpages]

I grew up when I was young,

And now I’m missing things I can never get back.

Like the warmth of a mother’s hug,

Or a fathers pride.

I lay awake at night searching,

For I know that there’s a hole in my chest.

When will I find something to make up for all the love I never received?

How do I keep walking forward when I know I didn’t spend enough time appreciating the view of past journeys.

Do you ever stop feeling neglect?

Or does it follow you around forever,

Constantly reminding you that you are, in fact missing something.

And that something is one you will never get back.

It is too late for me to turn around,

And I’m not sure things would be different if I did,

I have to live with that fact,

That I grew up before I got to be a kid.

#notthebest #vent poetry #vent poem #vent #in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled ink #spilled poem #spilled pain #spilled poetry

[nobodyinpages]

The sea swells on the shore of my mind.

Seas shells in the sand.

Just when I’ve found a solid place to stand,

the ground twists and I sink in.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled ink

[nobodyinpages]

It’s starting to get unbearable again,

The chatter in my head.

I can hardly breathe with demons on my chest,

And I break my legs trying to walk with cinder blocks tied to my feet.

I am broken.

And I know that broken things can be fixed,

But they’ll never be the same when you’ve lost some of the pieces.

I think I may have lost too many.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled pain #spilled poetry #outlet #vent poetry #vent poem #vent writing #vent #mentally ill #mentally exhausted

[nobodyinpages]

Why can’t I stop dreaming of you breaking my heart?

You keep walking in on a place where you are unwanted.

My unconscious mind yearns for you,

But consciously I know that we don’t work.

And perhaps it’s not even you,

Maybe my heart just keeps reminding myself with your face,

That I was not built for love.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled pain #spilled poem #spilled heart #spilled words #spilled ink #spilled writing #spilled poetry #spilled emotions #pain #broken #broken heart #gay struggles

[nobodyinpages]

I’m scared that one day the only memories I’ll have of you are ones where you make me cry.

I’m scared I’ll only remeber the way your face looked when it was twisted with rage.

I’m scared that no matter how old I get I’ll never stop wishing that I wasn’t your burden.

I try so hard to keep things fixed between us,

But lately it feels like you don’t care wether everything we’ve built crashes and burns.

I wish I didn’t feel like you care about him more than me,

Everyone tells me it’s ridiculous to think that,

How could a mother love anyone more than her own child?

I know she carries around that weight,

Like she did in her belly those 9 months,

I know she carries the weight of my sickness,

My inability,

She carries the weight of every mistake I’ve ever made.

I wish I was never born,

So my mother could have lived the happy life I stole from her.

#vent writing #i know this is bad #my writing #poets on tumblr #poetry #in my head #poem #spilled ink #spilled words #spilled pain #spilled heart #spilled poem

[nobodyinpages]

I lived for the way your sun warmed my skin,

The taste you left on my lips.

As if the planets had crushed together,

And you were composed of the dust they left behind.

Now all that lingers is the bitter echo of how you left.

The emptiness I feel beside me when I wake up in the morning,

The ghost feelings of your fingertips on my skin.

When you left you took me with you,

And you never planned to give me back.

You never did.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled poem #spilled poetry #spilled writing #spilled ink #spilled heart #spilled words #spilled thoughts #old writing #emotions #sad poetry

[nobodyinpages]

Bothersome,

Such a lonely word that is.

You’ve been bothersome,

Your whole life.

With every person that left you they left you with a bitter word stuck to your tongue,

Bothersome.

So you push yourself,

Become less,

But even after all your effort no one gives you any credit.

After everything you did,

It’s still just,

Bothersome.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled poem #spilled writing #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled ink #spilled thoughts

[nobodyinpages]

“One man practicing kindness in the wilderness is worth all the temples this world pulls.”

— Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Burns

[nobodyinpages]

Ripped away.

If you don’t take out the pieces slowly,

They all fall apart.

Torn to shreds.

They say it’s better now but life goes on filled with misery.

Loss of breath.

When I see you there my lungs fall silent,

You never looked good in a casket.

#in my head #my writing #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #spilled poem #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled writing #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #spilled heart

[nobodyinpages]

I don’t really care if you think this photo is too graphic, in my opinion it demands to be seen. The image, taken by journalist Julia Le Duc shows El Salvadorian refugees Óscar Alberto Martínez-Ramírez and his 23 month old daughter, Valeria, deceased and face down on a muddy riverbank near the U.S. border.

Tragically, they had already made it across the river, but as Valeria’s father placed her on the edge and turned to go back to help his wife cross, the panicked two year old, thinking her father was leaving her, jumped back into the rushing water to be with her daddy. Oscar grabbed her, but they were both swept away, and as her horrified mother looked on, Oscar put Valeria inside his shirt in a last ditch effort to at least ensure he wouldn’t lose her. So, now, here they lay, that beautiful little girl’s arm wrapped around the neck of her loving father in a final embrace, mere feet from being able to make their legal and perfectly justifiable claim for asylum.