ow-writing

[ow-writing]

What does it say about me

To love the looking

Love the attention

And hate the advances

A glutton for punishment?

Self harm, inviting an unwanted touch

Just to remind myself

I haven’t made it up

The attention I’ve been taught,

Conditioned, to crave

Leaves my skin crawling.

A sensation I’ve associated

With the desire

I was told I would have

Alarm bells rebranded

As the butterflies in my stomach

#writing #poetry #spilled thoughts #poet #spilled poetry #spilled words #writers #comphet #queer #sapphic #glutton for punishment #confused #anxiety #lesbian #am i gay #lgbtq community #poetry is hard

[ow-writing]

When I said I wanted to write all day I meant articles and stories, not emails.

#i hate emails #emails #office #office jobs #desk job #writing #writer #poet #poetry #spilled thoughts #writing emails #send help

[ow-writing]

Comparison Comparison Comparison

—————

Comparison is a thief of joy.

To compare yourself to others is poison, they say.

I must have a death wish.

The poison sits pretty in a golden goblet

Sparkling with the anger it is prepared to unleash.

And my hands are drawn to it,

Undeniably searching for something to quench my thirst.

It’s easy to compare

When the American dream has a standard outline.

Everyone knows the expected progression of things.

You work hard and you can achieve it too.

I guess I didn’t work hard enough.

But I know that’s not true.

Why else would I have experienced the burnout that forced me to drop out of college?

Why else would I have taken 3 months to recover enough to get a job?

Why else would I have saved every penny to make my dreams come true?

And yet

It’s so easy to compare

My life to the peers I left behind at college.

The life I thought I would be living.

Spring break abroad.

Independence and freedom.

But I know I picked a different route.

Student loans gave me crippling anxiety.

My goals aligned with career experience, not a degree.

I will own a home before any of my peers.

I will have financial freedom before most of my peers.

I feel I’ve made the decision that is best suited for myself.

And yet,

When I see what they experience that I cannot,

I can’t help but start the narrative back over in my head.

I’m twenty and I dropped out of college.

I work full time and cannot afford to move out of my parents house.

I have no rowdy college trip memories.

I’ve never left the country.

And every time,

I have to continue to remind myself that I still have more than most.

I am forging my own path.

And I will make it worth it.

So I continue to drink the poison,

Until I remember I’ve already made the remedy.

And I will do it again and again

Until my hand no longer reaches for the poison,

and I will stop needing to revive myself.

One day I will let the goblet sit

Untouched

- O. Wells

#comparison #comparison is the thief of joy #American dream #poetry #long poem #long poetry #spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #spilled words #writing #burnout #college dropout #poison #anxiety #anxious burnout #emotions #healing #student loans #college #young adult

[ow-writing]

I’m reading Tipping The Velvet and im halfway through and blown away. This book has ripped my heart out and threw it in the gutter. It takes place in 1800s London with a queer girl and follows her journey. Currently taking a disturbing turn but so anxious to see what happens next. 10/10

If you see this, you’re actually required to reblog and tag the book/fanfic you’re currently reading, maybe even give a little description, a rating of the read so far.

Ill start, im currently re-reading Wading in Waist High Waters on ao3 by colgatebluemintygel. 10/10 its a wolfstar fic that takes place in a Great British bake-off AU

#tipping the velvet #reading #writers #current read #book review #sapphic novel #wlw #novel #book talk

[ow-writing]

The only person I follow tagged me so I’m sorry I have nobody to add <\3

LETS GET READYYY TOOOO RRRRRRUMMMMMMBLE

Tag your friends, followers, family, pets.. idk No pressure!! 💋

@manjibunny @nanamikentoseyebags @chronic-claire-universe @softshuji @deskaisers @scaramood @hoeshi4444 @kenuis @k1sakis @ranscutedoll @satocidal @moonartemisia @ask-the-insect-hashira @strawberrystepmom AND EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO

#tag game no friends #my Pinterest reflects me from five years ago #funny enough I have fake flowers in my room

[ow-writing]

Once I factor recovery time from working all day, my creative hours are severely limited and that’s what fuels the dissatisfaction in my life

#audhd #writing memes #writing #writers #writers on tumblr #writing humor #poet #poetry #poetry is hard #work is draining #full time work is killing me #adulting #becoming an adult #recovery #rot time #adhd problems #burnout #creative burnout #anxiety #masking #unmasking

[ow-writing]

#brain is either overflowing or empty

[ow-writing]

The biggest thing I’ve learned to help me enjoy writing is patience.

I will go weeks without writing anything, and then write a poem on my way to work or while waiting for food to reheat. And while I will still sit and feel sad about the days not spent writing, it is because I took those moments in the last year and a half to write when it struck me, I have a collection of poetry.

If I hadn’t spent time not writing, I would not have lived enough to write. The time in between is important.

One day I do still hope to have nothing to do but spend my days writing everything that passes through my brain. But if that day does not come for many more decades, I will cherish the moments when inspiration strikes.

#spilled thoughts #spilled words #writing #writing is hard #patience #one day #we have dreams #writing dreams #writer dreams #poet dreams #poet #poetry #spilled poetry #poetry collection #emotions #poetry is hard #when inspiration strikes #slowly but surely

[ow-writing]

Today I found your letter.

I opened the white envelope

With my name scrawled on the front

Anticipating a forgotten love letter

Instead I found an apologetic confession

Typed and printed

Signed with your name

A laugh of disbelief escaped my lips

As I read with fresh eyes

The words that remind me

That you were just a child

I imagine your mother instructing you

To sit at the keyboard until there is more

Than an “I’m sorry” on the page

- O. Wells

#poetry #poems on tumblr #original poem #poems and poetry #poem #sa survivor #confession #writing #writers and poets #sexualassault #incriminating #SA #sa poem #SA poetry #ptsd #ptsd recovery #ptsd poetry #apology #apology letter #spilled thoughts #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled writing #spilled poem #short poem

[ow-writing]

Trying something new where I believe in myself until I have real confidence. Wish me luck.

My anxiety tells me to keep all my writing ideas to myself. But my ADHD wants me to tell everyone everything all the time

#spilled thoughts #writing #poets on tumblr #trying something new #trying my best #fake it till you make it