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#'Seeing this‚ the hero who had suffered for so long was happy.'
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thing I am normal abt #1: the simile Homer chose to describe Odysseus at the end of the 5th rhapsody of the Odyssey
(translation by Emily Wilson)
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c-is-for-circinate · 9 months
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It feels like there's this narrative that fandom keeps wanting to explore, with Steve Harrington, about this very specific type of martyrdom where self-sacrifice is an expression of a lack of self-worth. And, like, yes, write the narrative that's meaningful to you, and yes ok Steve does admittedly get beaten up a lot, but -- legitimately I do not think this narrative is actually Steve's story.
Like, without gendering things too much, there is something in the Steve fanon that I keep seeing that's so reflective of the specific kind of sacrifice and societal pressures exerted on girls, specifically -- this story of 'you make yourself worthy and worthwhile by carving pieces out of yourself', of believing that you must always give and never receive to justify the space you take up in the world. Yes, boys can experience this same pressure (and obviously trans and nb people of all genders run into it as well! sometimes a lot!), but especially in the mid-1980s cultural context where Stranger Things takes place, it's just...really not likely to be a dominant narrative for Steve to be operating under? It doesn't even really match the Steve we see on screen -- who is happy to make sacrifices for the sake of others, yeah, when needed, but who's not particularly kind or giving unless somebody asks first.
And Steve does get hurt a lot on other people's behalf! And this is a problem! It's just a completely different problem than the one fandom keeps writing.
Steve, and I'm going to say this forever, is a story about toxic masculinity, which the show may or may not even know it's writing. The archetypes influencing Steve's character as it shows up on the screen (and the stories and messages that Steve would actually be surrounded by in his actual life) are not deconstructions of suffering heroes who never should have had to fight in the first place and were destroyed by it. That's the Buffy the Vampire Slayer story. Steve's not Buffy. Steve's cultural context is Indiana Jones.
Steve is The Guy! And part of being The Guy is that you're expected to take the hits -- not because Steve is less important than the women-and-children he's supposed to protect, but because, the story says, he will get less hurt. Why should Steve get in between Billy and Lucas? Because Steve is an eighteen-year-old athlete and Lucas is in middle school, and of the two of them, Steve actually stands a chance. (And yes, Steve got badly hurt there, and Max had to save him -- but if Lucas, if Max had taken that beating they would not have been running through those tunnels later.) Was somebody else better-qualified to dive down to the uncertain bottom of a cold lake in the middle of the night? Steve doesn't list his credentials there as a way of justifying some ideal of martyrdom; he is literally the most likely person on the boat not to drown.
And make no mistake: when Steve's pulled into the Upside-Down, he survives the bats long enough for backup to get there. Realistic or not, he's apparently tough enough that he's physically capable of hiking barefoot through hell without much slowing down. Steve is the tank for the same reason as any tank: because he literally has been shown to have the most hit points in the group. You cannot honestly engage with Steve in this context without dealing with the fact that he's right.
AND THIS IS A PROBLEM! This is still a problem! But it's not the same problem that fandom seems to expect. It's not an expression of caretaking or the need for self-sacrifice; it's not an issue with Steve valuing himself less. It's an issue of toxic masculinity so ingrained that Steve doesn't even recognize he's suffering from it, because one of the tenets of toxic masculinity is that Big Strong Guys don't suffer. It's just a concussion, it's fine, he'll walk it off. It's not that Steve thinks he deserves to get hurt, or even that he's less deserving of safety than the others. It's that absolutely nothing in his cultural context allows him to admit that he can be hurt in a significant way.
There's still so much tension that can be gotten out of this situation, I swear. There's so much that can be explored in writing! Hell, the show itself is deconstructing some of this trope, believe it or not, by giving us a Steve who absolutely can take all the hits thrown his direction but still doesn't know what the fuck he's doing with his life. It turns out that doing his job as The Guy is only mildly helpful in horror movie situations (mostly by buying time for smarter, squishier people to do the damage from behind him), and somewhere a little worse than useless in everyday life.
But Steve does not go out of his way to self-sacrifice, he really doesn't. He just does his job. He's The Guy. Of course he's not going to let a kid or a girl or some scared skinny nerd who just learned about monsters yesterday take the hits. Of course Steve's got this.
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toournextadventure · 5 months
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a novel life pt.2
Summary: You're trying to make nice with Sam's little sister, for everyone's sake. Maybe it leads to an interrogation. Maybe it leads to more. And maybe you end up sucked into the unusual events that follow Legacies
Word Count: 4.3k Warnings: swearing, distrust, mentions of past trauma, mentions of blood, mentions of Scream typical violence Pairing: Samantha Carpenter x GN!Reader A/N: Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Yule, and whatever holidays y'all all celebrate 🫶 (pt.1) (pt.2) (pt.3) (pt.4) (pt.5)
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“Are you sure this is okay?” You asked as you nearly tripped over your feet.
Sam gave you a look that was both sweet and condescending. “Yes, because I said so.”
“That doesn’t seem like solid reasoning,” you mumbled, but nonetheless continued following her up the steps to her apartment.
It was nearing Halloween, with the cooling air finally allowing for the use of jackets. Which you had few of, since Sam had decided to keep them for herself. Not that there was anyone to blame but yourself; it was what you deserved for offering her jackets every time she forgot one. She had simply decided it was rather nice to have an unlimited selection of jackets, both too-large and just right.
In all her wisdom, Sam had suggested the two of you, and Tara and her partner have a movie night. Tara got to choose the movie, and no one could object. All in all it should have been a win for the younger Carpenter; she could make you suffer if she truly wanted, and you couldn’t say a word about it. Which was going to cause the night to be very, very long.
Oh, the things you would do for her.
“Is she going to pick something scary?” You asked before you both approached the door. “Because I don’t like scary.”
“I have no doubt it will be scary,” Sam said with a barely-concealed smile. “I’ll hold your hand to keep you safe.”
“You’re my hero,” you said as you leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to her lips. She tasted strongly of the cigarette she had smoked on the way from your apartment to hers.
You tried to pull away, but she quickly followed, keeping her lips pressed against yours. Every sense was enveloped by her. Her smell, her taste, the feel of her body pressed against yours so tightly it was as if you would float away without her. There was nothing you could have ever wanted more than your Sam.
“We shouldn’t give Tara something to be upset about,” you mumbled against Sam’s lips when she finally pulled back just the slightest distance.
“Tara’s always upset,” she answered before sighing, “but you’re right.”
“Baby steps,” you said with a smile.
“For the big baby.”
“Samantha.”
“I’m kidding,” she tried to argue as she grabbed your hand and started finally moving into the apartment.
You both knew she wasn’t kidding.
“My dude!”
You had barely walked through the door when Tara’s partner called out to you, a genuine, toothy grin visible on their face. They had asked you to call them J, which you had happily agreed to. Sam teased that it was short for Joker - you assumed because of the scars - but the look on Tara’s face told you not to ever bring it up. Ever.
It was a rule you could oblige by.
“It’s a pleasure to see you again,” you said as you hung your coat on the back of one of the chairs at the dining table. It had only taken you dropping your coat once before you realised the Carpenters saw no need for a coat rack.
How utterly uncivilised.
“They think it’s a pleasure to see me,” J said to Tara, who rolled her eyes almost instantly. 
You would never say it aloud, but you noticed the small smile she sent their way. So, she wasn’t as heartless as she wanted you to believe. Exactly like her older sister. It would be simple enough to chalk it down to their past experiences with the world; it had taught them nothing but hardness. But maybe they both just needed a safe space to let those walls come down.
“What did you choose?” Sam asked. She very quickly made her way to the couch opposite Tara and J.
“Depends,” they said.
“On?” Sam asked.
J turned to look at you and held something up to their mouth. “What’s your favourite scary movie?” The voice came out almost robotic, sounding similar to… something you possibly recognised? Vaguely?
“That’s not funny,” Sam said quickly.
“Lighten up, Sam,” Tara said even though she pushed J’s hand - and the voice changer - into their lap. “We’re watching Hellraiser.”
“Thought you didn’t like that one,” Sam said. She reached over and grabbed your hand the moment you sat down beside her on the couch.
Tara’s eyes darted to where your hands were joined and lingered. “I don’t.” She looked back up at you with a hard gaze. “I picked it out just for you.”
“Oh,” you said, perking up instantly. “Thank you.”
You turned to look at Sam with a stupid smile on your face, missing the look J sent Tara. Well, this was turning into a lovely evening! Tara had picked out a movie just for you! Surely that was progress to the finest degree, was it not? If all it took was watching a movie with them every month, you were more than happy to do so. This was turning out to be a rather lovely evening.
At least you thought so until the movie started and you realised just exactly why Tara had picked the movie out just for you.
It was… well, it was a movie. Filled with hooks and needles and… blood. Oh gosh, so much blood. There was a singular blessing amongst it all; you hadn’t eaten before coming over. Thankfully the popcorn sat untouched between you and Sam as your stomach twisted and turned and tried its best to embarrass you.
Sam squeezed your hand as you did your best to keep your cool. Not that it was such an easy thing with all the… you couldn’t even think the word without feeling queasy. Surely there was no way they all enjoyed this kind of thing, right? It was grotesque! The creatures on the screen, the inhumanity of it all, how was it an enjoyable movie?
The room started to shrink around you. Oh, that wasn’t good, you didn’t want to feel claustrophobic, you were trying to be tough. You couldn’t let anyone know that you had an, um, aversion to blood. What would they say? They were all horror fans, how could you ever possibly mention that you just… didn’t enjoy it? Quite frankly, it made you sick to your stomach, like all those science experiments you had to do back in grade school.
The credits couldn’t have rolled a moment too soon. If anyone were to ask you what you thought, you wouldn’t have been able to answer. The only thing you were aware of was your heart beating loudly in your ear and the saliva that continued to fill your mouth. Maybe it would actually be better if you didn’t try to answer anyone for a few more moments.
“So, Professor,” Tara asked all too soon. “What did you think?”
“I-”
-You cut yourself short. There was a part, a rather significant part of your mind that said you should lie. Tell Tara it was a wonderful movie, and you would love to see more if it existed. But lying had never gotten you anywhere in the past, had it? It certainly wasn’t going to assist you in winning over Tara, not when she was already sceptical of you. How was a lie going to assist you?
It wasn’t. 
“It’s not my cup of tea,” you finally said before swallowing the remaining saliva in your mouth. “I don’t really enjoy scary movies.” You nodded to yourself. “Or blood.”
“Oh my god,” Tara huffed, “why can’t you just lose your shit about something?”
“Tara,” Sam warned.
“No, this is ridiculous,” she continued as she stood up from the couch, ignoring J reaching for her hand. “Why can’t you lose your shit?” She pointed at you. “Nobody is this level-headed about everything.”
“That’s enough,” Sam said as she followed suit, standing up from the couch. Similarly, you reached out for her hand but she moved just far enough away.
“Get out,” Tara said before promptly looking Sam dead in the eyes.
“Excuse me?” Sam asked.
“Get out,” she repeated.
“Hey, T-”
“-You too,” Tara interrupted J, who froze with a comically shocked expression on their face. “Both of you get out so I can talk to them-” she pointed at you “-alone.”
“Absolutely not-”
“-Sounds reasonable,” you interrupted Sam. She looked at you like you had grown a second head. “I would love to talk.”
“Come on, Baby Ghost,” J said as they stood up. You were starting to feel left out by being the only one still sitting. “I’ll buy you a new pack of cigs.”
Sam looked like she wanted to argue, but both you and Tara gave her a look. Differing looks, of course, but still. While Tara seemed to get her a death stare that was almost permanently etched onto her face, you tried to go the more convincing route. If Tara wanted to talk, who were you to tell her no? Talking was key, that’s what your family had always done and it had never ended poorly.
“Fine,” Sam finally said. She seemed resigned. “But you have 15 minutes and that’s it.”
“Deal,” Tara said. “Now get out.”
You stayed as still as a statue when Sam leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips. A little more forceful than usual, but you wouldn’t complain. Any kiss from her was perfect. A sigh came from behind her, and you both knew who it was from, but she took her time before pulling away and standing back up.
“Don’t let her bully you,” she said.
“Sam,” Tara said forcefully. “Get out.”
“Fine,” Sam said, throwing her hands up. “But I mean it,” she said as she and J walked to the door together. “15 minutes.”
You and Tara both watched your partners leave the apartment, practically abandoning you to the force of nature that was the youngest Carpenter sister. It shamed you to admit you were a little afraid of her. You knew there was something going on deep down that she either wouldn’t or couldn’t accept, and you wouldn’t dare fault her for it. But she let her internal frustrations out in a very external way.
“What’s wrong with you?” Tara asked the moment the door shut behind the two. You stayed silent. “You don’t yell, you don’t scream, you don’t even freak out when I put on a movie I knew you would hate.”
You waited a moment to make sure she was finished. “I was raised by two very… pacifistic parents,” you said, gesturing for her to sit on the couch opposite you. “We talked through our issues, we didn’t yell about them.”
Tara opened her mouth as if she was about to argue, or complain, or something. Slowly, her mouth closed and she pursed her lips. She kept looking at you, but slowly took a seat opposite you. There was something going on behind her eyes, you could see it, but you knew better than to question her just yet. Just like your mom had taught you; let them lead the conversation.
“I don’t trust you,” she said slowly. Her eyes stayed locked with yours. “You’re too understanding and too kind.” You stayed silent. “Sam only ever falls for freaks.”
“Didn’t she date an FBI agent?” You asked. You could vaguely remember what Sam had said about her, but she had seemed nice enough.
“Kirby is cool, I’ve always liked her,” Tara said with a dismissive shake of her head. “But she was attacked by Ghostface twice,” she said, “so she’s a freak by proxy.” She looked back at you. “So what’s your deal?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know,” you said, “ask your questions and maybe you can find out.”
It had initially been your idea, but before Tara could even open her mouth you started to second guess yourself. Perhaps allowing her to ask whatever questions she wanted without any repercussions was… not the smartest idea on your part. You had nothing to hide, but what if she really started to ask unusual questions? What if your answers weren’t what she wanted to hear?
But when you thought of Sam, and being with her, you felt that, without question, it was worth the gamble.
“Have you ever used a knife?” Tara asked quickly. It seemed she wasn’t going to wait.
“Not outside of cooking,” you answered just as quickly.
“How about a gun?” So, it would be a rapid fire interrogation. Game on.
“Never.”
“Ever hurt anybody before?” A tilt of her head.
“Not on purpose.”
“What about animals?”
“No.”
“Not even in science class?”
“I-” you attempted to clear your throat to buy a bit of time “-I fell ill that day.”
Tara paused and narrowed her eyes. “Because of blood.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes,” you said anyway. “It makes me sick to my stomach.”
“You’re pretty pathetic,” Tara said as she leaned back on the couch. For the first time in… well, ever, you thought you almost saw her smile at you. “That’s exactly Sam’s type.”
“I thought you said it was freaks,” you pointed out.
“Pathetic freaks,” she corrected quickly. That quirk near the corner of her mouth rapidly disappeared. “Why did you choose Sam?”
You paused. It was uncertain what exactly Sam had told Tara about you both meeting. Surely she wouldn’t have overdramatised it, but had she told her the truth? The truth was… well, it was pathetic as well, but you weren’t entirely convinced Tara would approve. Not that it was entirely her place, but the two were the only family each other had. They both had a right to be cautious of anyone new coming into their lives.
But perhaps you could answer the question a little differently.
“She’s kind,” you said with a subconscious nod of your head. “And bold, and intelligent - god she’s intelligent - and brave.” You averted Tara’s eyes. “And she’s really pretty too.”
Tara nodded once. “What are your intentions with her?”
Another question that you believed was potentially a trick. You couldn’t very well say you loved Sam just yet; you hadn’t even told Sam that little piece of information. But there were other intentions with her even if you didn’t necessarily use the word “love.” There were other things that were just as important.
“I don’t want to sound overly self-important,” you started off, looking back up to meet Tara’s eyes. “But I would very much like to be the one by Sam’s side as she continues on this path she’s created for herself.”
Tara looked at you; really looked at you. She was so very difficult for you to read. Unlike Sam, Tara did a better job at hiding her emotions. While Sam would give it away with her facial expressions, Tara did not. No, her feelings came out differently, whether in the slight twitch of her fingers or the impatient tapping of her foot on the rug. You hadn’t been around her long enough to know what exactly those feelings were, you simply acknowledged they were feelings.
“I’ll give you a chance,” Tara finally said, her voice far softer than you had ever heard. At least when it was directed at you. “But if you do anything to hurt her, or upset her, or lie to her, I won’t hesitate to kill you.” You gulped. “I’m not afraid to kill again.”
“I forgot you’ve both killed someone before,” you mumbled to yourself before speaking up louder. “Those are acceptable terms.”
“Good,” she said with a single nod of her head. “But don’t think this means I’ll go easy on you.”
You could both hear the other two finally approaching the door, bickering in a way that mimicked biological siblings.
“I would expect nothing less,” you told Tara as the door opened and the moment ended.
—---
The rest of the semester went by without incident. Tara had stayed true to her word and gave you a fair chance to prove that you could be trusted with her sister’s heart, and it wasn’t something you had taken lightly. You knew how important the both of them were to each other, and you had done your best to prove that not only did you care for Sam, but you cared for Tara too.
She had finally eased up during classes, allowing you to properly teach without an ounce of disdain for you personally. In fact, she had even dared to come to office hours on more than one occasion to discuss certain pieces you had offered as optional readings. The Carpenters were immensely intelligent, no matter what the subject matter was.
You and Sam had fallen into a rather comfortable routine, always going for a date night on Thursdays to whatever new place your colleagues had recommended, and movies with Tara and J on Saturdays. You would spend the night at her place Thursday through Monday morning, and she would stay at yours Monday through Thursday morning. It was comfortable, and you were more than content.
But with school finally over for the semester, you could focus on the real gem; Christmas.
Both Carpenters - and J, for that matter - had been nonchalant with their decorations. A minimal Charlie Brown tree that had, at most, four ornaments on it. It was awfully quaint, and if they hadn’t been so blase about it you would have been content to leave it standing. Nevertheless, they had made it clear they didn’t care if there were any decorations, and you had taken that as a cry for help.
Your own apartment had, of course, been decorated since the day after Thanksgiving. It was a wonderful gift from your mother, learning how to decorate for the holidays, and you weren’t keen on squandering the skills and letting them fall off the wagon, so to speak. Sam had made a few comments, though you hadn’t taken her for a non-believer.
“It’s okay, really,” Sam tried to say when you and J finished bringing in what had to have been the seventh box of decorations from your apartment.
“Oh no, I insist,” you said with a smile. “Besides, my mother would be downright dismayed if she knew the decorations were sitting in my apartment unused.”
“Great,” Tara mumbled as she walked by without even offering to help, “we get to live at the North Pole.”
“Isn’t it exciting?” You said with a smile. “These are more neutral, so you shouldn’t feel too out of place, but they still embody the holiday spirit.”
“Well I think it’ll be fun,” J said with their own smile. “Do I get to hang the ornaments?”
“Why-”
“-the ornaments won’t be the only thing hanging this Christmas,” Tara said, tossing a mini marshmallow into the air and catching it in her mouth. “Especially with those blinding lights.”
You looked down at the ones in your hand and frowned. “I thought they were rather tame.”
“And they’re lovely,” Sam tried to cover, even though you could see the fake smile she had on her face. “You’re doing great,” she continued as she left a simple kiss on your cheek.
The decorating ended up being a one person job, you quickly realised when you discovered J could not, for the life of them, listen to instructions. More than once, the lights had been blown and you had to find the faulty one to fix it. Normally you would chalk it down to bad luck, but when it was only the ones that they were installing? You became a little suspicious.
At least they were all eager to help with the snacks and desserts, and that was something you could live with. Surprisingly, Tara was the one who had the most ideas. You knew you weren’t the best cook; you could follow instructions but that didn’t necessarily mean they would turn out nice. But with Tara at the helm? They were almost as good as your mother’s! Though obviously you would never dare to tell her that.
You also rather quickly discovered that they were not gift giving people. Understandable, you supposed, they had much more important things to worry about in life. It was still unacceptable. The moment you had found out, you had called your parents and told them the tragic news.
Gifts for all three of them - plus a gift each for Mindy, Chad, and Anika - had been delivered to your house within the week. Express shipping to be certain they would arrive before Christmas.
Which led to yet another tragedy; they had no stockings.
“It’s really not worth buying,” Sam attempted to persuade you over the phone on one of the rare nights you two weren’t spending together. “Just stay home tonight.”
“It’s no trouble, Sam,” you argued. “I’m heading out for a bit anyway.”
You didn’t admit you were already at the store, trying to decide which one would fit each person best.
“Just stay safe,” she said. You could hear car horns in the background but thought nothing of it. “I mean it.”
“I’ll be safe,” you insisted, “I always am.”
“Call me when you’re back home,” she said.
“Yes ma’am,” you said with a smile that she couldn’t see.
She hung up first, and you continued your search without any second thoughts. In the end, you had decided on a Santa stocking for J, a reindeer for Tara, and a snowman for Sam. They would look lovely hanging underneath the mounted television in their living room. But with the stockings, you needed things to fill them with.
Santa’s work was never finished.
It was dark by the time you finished buying everything you believed you needed. Stockings, fillers, and some snacks to make for a lovely evening. That should surely be enough to give the three of them a very merry Christmas, would it not? Your mother had already sent their Santa presents, and their other presents were underneath the tree, so as far as you were aware of at the moment, everything was taken care of.
You were still going over your mental checklist when you heard a commotion down one of the alleys on the way home. Every cell in your body told you not to bother looking; people got desperate around the holidays and it would do you no good to go poking your head where it didn’t belong. But if someone was getting hurt, then you needed to attempt to help.
Or at least make enough of a scene that someone else would come help.
“Excuse me?” You called out foolishly as you started down the dark alleyway. “Is everyone alright out there?”
You pulled your coat tighter around you as you continued walking. It hadn’t been raining or snowing recently, and yet something started to soak through your shoes and socks. The shocking cold that normally came from liquids in December wasn’t present; it was warm.
There was another noise. It almost sounded like something solid, but it was overshadowed by something metallic. You did your best to see something in the dark, even as your body continued to tell you to move along. But something didn’t feel right; you were feeling queasy again.
Something hissed in front of you, but it wasn’t a snake. No, you knew what those sounded like and this wasn’t even close. This sounded much more human, though that sound would only ever really happen in dire circumstances like if-
-a large white mask faced you. It was the only thing you could see in the dark, thanks to the lights behind you causing just enough radiance to make the mask almost seem luminescent. You weren’t a movie buff, especially not scary movies, but you weren’t stupid. Everyone knew what that mask was.
Ghostface.
All those cells that had been telling you to run? They were silent. Frozen in fear, just like your mind. The killer wasn’t moving toward you, simply facing you, almost as if it was the very reason you were stationary. Which, it was, but not in the typical way that most would be privy to. You felt like a deer in headlights, and if you moved then you died.
You supposed that was how all the movies went.
“Aren’t you going to run?” Ghostface asked, in that same voicebox that J had had during the movie night.
You swallowed the saliva filling your mouth. “No,” you said in a trembling voice.
“Why not?” He continued. “I like when they run.”
“I’m not very fast,” you said. “You’ll catch me before I get to the street.”
He still didn’t move, and your eyes finally adjusted enough to see the silhouette of a body slumped at his feet. Your throat constricted at the sight; you were going to be sick. The very image started to worm its way into your brain; there was a very simple explanation for what was still soaking through your socks. It wasn’t snow.
“You should get home, Professor,” Ghostface said.
You nodded, even though you weren’t sure if he could see you. “Yes I should.”
“Stay on the sidewalk next time,” he said.
“I- I believe that’s sound advice,” you said with more frantic nods of your head. Your palms were starting to get clammy.
Ghostface lifted up a hand - holding a knife - and waved. “Good night, Professor.”
“Good night,” you said with your own shaky wave.
You walked backwards out of the alley, keeping an eye on the figure until it was completely out of sight. Your feet were frozen on the ground once you were under a street light. There were no more sounds coming from the alley, not even the sound of someone leaving. Wherever Ghostface had gone, he hadn’t followed you.
In an incredibly brave moment, you leaned over and vomited directly into a storm grate before going back home. You called Sam the moment you got back into your apartment.
You couldn’t find the courage to inform her of the night’s mystery encounter.
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yandere-daydreams · 11 months
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Title: Distorted.
Pairing: Yandere!Dottore x Reader (Genshin).
A Grab Bag Commission For A Very Lovely Anonymous Commissioner.
Summary: With the help of the Akasha system, Dottore strives to keep you happy and docile and, most importantly, unaware by his side.
Word Count: 1.0k.
TW: Unhealthy Relationships, Unreality, Slight Gore/Blood, Unbalanced Power Dynamics, and Obsessive Behavior.
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“Do you think Ajax is free?”
Dottore hummed thoughtfully, pressing his scalpel downward and severing a measured length of small intestine from the greater mass. With time to spare and the patient he was extracting his materials from long-dead, he took a minute aside to note the patches of scar tissue lining their internal tissue on a blood-spotted journal, to test for unusual viscosity or durability that’d have to be accounted for in his research. It was a minor study, something that would’ve been handed off to a younger branch of himself not yet ready to play a hand in more dire schemes, but due to the intervention of a certain archon, he was forced to carry out more of his own grunt work than he had in decades. Not that he minded getting his hands dirty, of course.
Especially when the same archon’s nation had given him such a lovely lab assistant to keep him company while he worked.
“Planning to replace me, little mouse?”
“Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten. It’s your own dinner party, for the Tsaritsa’s sake.” He heard you sigh in mock exasperation, then again – your frustration more genuine. You were sitting at his desk, working away at whatever little task you’d assigned yourself, the ring of blue light encircling your head pulsing brightly. It was his own handiwork – a version of the Akasha system he’d been able to maintain even after returning to Snezhnaya. He had no idea where you thought you were, what you thought he was doing, what you saw through those clouded eyes, but he knew you couldn’t be here, in his dark, cluttered lab - couldn’t see your beloved husband, the man who you’d crossed half of Teyvat to stay with, elbow-deep in a vat of disembodied organs and viscera. That was what interested him most about your experiment, really. It was one thing to wonder how you’d react if you ever found out the man you loved had such grisly pastimes. It was another, to watch what lengths your mind would go to just to substitute your reality with a more palatable fantasy. When it suited him, he could play a more involved hand in your fabrication, make himself into a hero or a villain or something else altogether, but most days, he was content to let you create your own daydreams. You were the most obedient when you could make him into exactly what you needed, that day.
“To celebrate your return to Snezhnaya,” You went on, as he piled the segmented pieces of a malformed liver onto his scale. “Pierro says that you haven’t been holding up your social obligations. I know it’s not customary, but I thought it’d be nice to invite another Harbinger – so you don’t have to suffer a room full of noblemen and merchants alone.”
So you were aware of his status as a Harbinger, today. More often than not, you treated him like a neighborhood doctor, or a traveling scholar as far from home as you’d found yourself. Sometimes, he was a low-ranking diplomat, or a medic you could welcome home from the battlefield, but you rarely acknowledged him as something so dangerous, something so far above yourself. It must’ve been the occasion. It would’ve been hard to deny who he was when you were sending out the invitations to a Harbinger’s event.
On that note, he abandoned his work, positioning himself on the opposing side of your desk. He was already smiling – it was difficult not to, when you were in his position – but his grin broadened further as he looked over your half-finished guest list, your attempts at calligraphy scribbled across what little scrap paper you could find. “I believe Tartaglia was sent back to his post in Liyue last week.”
You pursed your lips. “Pantalone comes with good company.”
“And he charges market-price for every precious second of his time. You wouldn’t want to bleed me dry, now, would you?” You tilted your head to the side, pretending to consider it, and he let out a breathy laugh, rounding the table and settling behind you, his hands coming to rest on your shoulders. “There must be an alternative.”
“Well,” You tilted your head back, your smile now matching his own. “It has been a while since I’ve heard Columbina sing–”
“Anyone but Columbina.”
“I write Pantalone a letter tonight, then.” You allowed yourself a moment to bask in your own self-satisfaction, leaning back in your seat and allowing your gaze to drift – first to your lap, then to your shoulders, where the blood and viscera coating your hands was beginning to soak into the fine ivory silk of your sleeves. There was a flash of repulsion, a sound not unlike a half-choked scream, and then you were shoving him away, your expression only growing more pained when he refused to move. He felt something tighten in his chest – not quite fear, but pure, zealous excitement. Had you, somehow, managed to break yourself out of your trance? Was there a flaw in the Akasha system he hadn’t accounted for? How much would you force yourself to forget, overwrite, warp and distort into something loving in the coming hours if you saw him for what he was, now?
“Zandik.” The sound of his name on your lips was to die for. He leaned down, pressing nipping at the corner of your jaw, and you groaned, brushing him away. “I’ve told you not to touch me while you’re painting. Look at me – it’s going to take ages to get this out of my clothes.”
Oh. Painting. How adorably quaint.
How adorably wrong.
With a sigh, he leaned down, pressing a fleeting kiss into the corner of your neck. You crossed your arms, sulking, but allowed him to. It wasn’t as if you’d be able to refuse. “Forgive me, darling.”
He straightened his back, watching red seep into white and begin to stain.
“I’m sure you’ll forget all about this in no time at all.”
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Text
Making Porn With The Number One Pro Hero
Pairing: Toshinori Yagi (All Might/Skinny Might) x Fem! Pro-Hero! Reader.
Warnings: NSFW, Smut, Jealous sex (?), Mirror sex, Oral sex (fem receiving), Secret ((established)) relationship, Recording sex (so y'all make porn), Minor hair pulling, Semi-public sex, Intercourse (P in V), Daddy Kink, you two are almost caught in the act, mention of you two previously being caught in the act, I finally used a condom!! (I usually write about creampies but this time I didn't), Some bitch tries to touch our All Might but fails, We accidentally punch her in the face, Toshi is pussy whipped.
Summary: You have a sex dream about your boyfriend which leads to a fantasy, All Might wants to achieve that fantasy with you after you punch another All Might slut in the face. The fantasy doesn't TOTALLY go to planned.
Format: Kinktober Fic, Day 2.
Writing Time: 7 hours (with no breaks, longest amount of time I've ever spent on a fic).
Word Count: 3,308.
A/N:
Day 2 of Kinktober! Enjoy!
The introduction is ridiculously fucking long, idk why but skip to the first —-//— if you're like me and only interested in the sex. I hate the beginning part anyway and it's very obvious my writing has suffered from my hiatus, but oh well. It will get better.Technically you get railed by Skinny All Might in his Silver Age suit, hope that's ok.I have to give this thing a part 2 at some point, this is way too hot and I'm so proud of it.
I kept writing then deleting then rewriting this shit (which is why it took 7 hours) so y'all better let me know if you like it :)
Here is the masterlist for all my Kinktober 2023 works.
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---///---
Being in an secret relationship with the Number 1 Hero was difficult to say the least.
Having to sneak around everyone was fun and slightly erotic at first, but slowly became annoying and a bit painful at times.
You had recently told Toshinori about a sexy fantasy you had of him. To have him fuck you in his dressing room right before an interview, ideally from behind in front of a mirror whilst you record, you two had made porn before (for only you two's eyes, no one else's!!) so recording sex wasn't new to you guys.
Toshinori had giggled like a little schoolboy and covered his growing erection when you told him about your little fantasy, and said it sounded very hot. But after you kissed him and gave him a handy right then and there, he calmed down a bit and explained to you how unlikely it was to happen, he feared someone would walk in and catch you both (one person had before) and possibly tell someone.
Sadly your lover had made it clear countless times before he didn't want a public relationship for the sake of protecting you and others. You understood completely and was happy Toshinori valued protecting you over everything, but that didn't mean you didn't long to hold his hand in public.
Very few knew about you two; Young Midoriya, David Shield, Sir Nighteye (RIP) and Aizawa (Aizawa finding out was an accident, he had caught you two in a compromising position in Toshinori's classroom after school hours). But you both was content with those who knew about you two, you trusted all of them, and didn't plan on adding anyone else to the list.
Early on into your pro-hero career, you were introduced to one journalist and news reporter who you honestly couldn't remember the name of. She was young and very attractive, no doubt becoming the face of her news station because of her pretty face and impressive figure. She was well known to interview pro heroes and flirt with them, and unsurprisingly lot of them would flirt back.
She had interviewed All Might a few times and like usual she would flirt a lot. He'd see straight through her and politely respond in a professional way, so you had no problems with her because you trusted your boyfriend to shut down her advances. She wouldn't be the first girl to throw themselves at the Number 1 Hero and definitely wouldn't be the last, so you were used to seeing Toshinori be placed in uncomfortable situations which made you feel bad for him but due to your relationship being a secret you didn't feel like it was your place to cut in. But Toshinori always handled it well.
One interview you didn't see coming though.
It was a standard scheduled interview on set of a news station, like Good Morning America or something. Several pro heroes were in to be interviewed, including both you and All Might. With All Might becoming weaker and weaker by the day and unable to hold his form for long periods of time, this was his last scheduled interview. And you were so happy you could be there with him.
You were lucky enough to be able to be interviewed with your boyfriend.
"So, Mr All Might, I'd love to go over some of your best fights of your career..." The news anchor smiled and batted her eyelashes at him.
"Of course! I'd love to!" All Might grinned.
For the millionth time? Really? You rolled your eyes.
"BUT before we do that, I'd like to talk about your more personal life first..." She grinned back, moving closer to him on the long couch you were all sharing.
You moved uncomfortably in your seat and looked around, not really knowing what to do with yourself.
"Ok, sadly I can't promise I can all questions about my personal life but you can absolutely ask." All Might smiled.
"Great! So... you have had quite a long career as a pro hero who is very much so in the public eye, I imagine forming and keeping relationships in your personal life can be difficult?" She asked.
All Might moved his head to both sides as if he agreed and disagreed with her assumption, "Well it's definitely not easy forming them, but keeping the ones I have been lucky enough to form is easy. I'm very lucky to be surrounded by friends and family who I know care about me both as All Might and Toshinori."
The reporter nodded, "Right. As you mentioned family, are you planning on starting a family?"
You raised an eyebrow, feeling although the question was a bit strange.
All Might laughed, his laugh boomed loudly in your poor ears, "HA HA! Oh no Dear, I don't so. I am an old man now, I unfortunately missed the opportunity for a family years ago."
You and Toshinori had only briefly discussed children, you desperately wanting a child later on in your career and Toshinori feel although being Number 1 Hero made having kids not an option and that by the time he retired he was too old. It wasn't really a conversation you two had managed to find a conclusion to, so you were a little annoyed All Might was talking as if it had been decided.
"Well a lot of young ladies like older men, Sir. I know I sure do. And a lot of young ladies would be more than willing to bear The All Might's children." The reporter giggled and moved closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
She had never actually touched him before.
All Might chuckled uncomfortably and carefully leaned back to make her hand fall off him, but her hand stayed put. Without really thinking, you leaned over and picked up the foreign hand on your boyfriend's shoulder, and threw it back into the reporter's face. She almost punched herself in the face with her own hand.
You gasped and stood up, "Oh I'm sorry!"
You really didn't mean to do that. You were only trying to get her hands off your man. You hadn't meant you almost punch her.
She quickly fixed her hair and glasses and glared at you for only a split second, before laughing nervously and looking into the camera in front of all of you, "Oh Dear! No worries! We can edit that out, this isn't live."
The cameraman nodded at her and three of you continued your now incredibly awkward interview. All Might breathed a small sigh and grabbed your hand, you couldn't tell what the sigh was for.
—-///—-
Backstage you were sat at your vanity table with your head down on the desk, sighing sadly. You felt so embarrassed, you should of just left Toshinori handle her unnecessary touching. The interview went terribly after that and the reporter remained cold to you until the end.
You were also concerned about people questioning your actions, why were you so concerned about some girl touching All Might? It was such a obvious sign of jealously. Oh Well... at least she didn't touch him again.
A small knock was pressed against your dressing room door and without a response it was opened, "Darling?"
All Might.
He stepped into your room and closer the door behind him as you turned to face him. He immediately deflated in front of you, leaving his skinny scrawny figure in place.
"Hi Love." You sighed and walked over to him.
He quickly wrapped his long arms around you, pulled you close and began kissing your neck.
You blinked in shock, "Toshi?"
"Oh my Love. I never thought I'd ever see you jealous." He whispered against you before biting down on you skin.
You moaned in delight, "S-So you're not mad?"
"Why would I ever be mad Princess?" He laughed a bit, in his Skinny form his laugh sounded so good and didn't burst your eardrum.
Toshinori carefully walked you back over to your vanity table and placed you down in your vanity chair and stared down at you. You looked up at your lover with nothing but love and lust and crossing your legs, feeling yourself get hot down there.
With you sitting down and him standing in front of you, you could see the massive bulge in his pants. Whilst shamelessly staring at his covered dick, you hiked up your legs and pulled everything covering your lower half off and happily showed your lover your wet pussy. You felt no shame (he had seen it all before anyway), only the desire to be fucked. Finally, your filthy fantasy was coming true.
"Oh my Love..." Toshinori sighed again at the completely lewd sight of you and dropped to his knees.
He grabbed your thighs in his massive hands and gave your pussy a sweet kitten lick. You threw your head back and moaned again. He started kissing and licking you slowly before sucking.
God, his tongue felt good. You were going to lose yourself to it.
"Oh baby I want you so much..." Toshinori whispered in between eating you out, whilst pulling you closer and closer to his hungry mouth, scaring you for a brief second into thinking you'd fall out of the chair.
It was dangerous but Toshi wouldn't let you fall, ever.
You pulled his head up from your heat and he whined, "Toshi... I'm so empty now...you need to just fuck me..."
Your lewd expression and hushed tone only made him strain against his suit. Without thinking much, Toshinori stood up and ripped a hole into the crotch area of his Silver Age suit.
You gasped, "Toshi! Your suit!"
"This suit can be fixed, Dear. But later I'll need you to go to my dressing room and bring back something to wear when we're done." He smiled softly while pulling you up and out of the chair.
Toshinori picked up the chair by the armrests and placed it against the door, locking you both in. He turned back to you and smiled again.
You smiled back before turning against and bending over against the vanity table, giving your lover another nice view of your ass and pussycat. You watched him in the mirror grin at your behind and give you a nice loving smack. You bit your lip from the harsh contact and moved your legs further apart for him.
"Fuck..." Toshinori whispered, he was incredibly turned on by the sight of you bent over showing him everything you had to offer.
He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a Trojan, ripping the wrapper off with his teeth and pulling it down his proud length. You could tell by his fast movements, he was just as eager to get inside of you as you was.
Toshinori then rubbed your aching entrance with his great throbbing cock. You whined for him to just put it in and he was happy to appease you.
Toshinori always started with slow gentle strokes only with the tip but that wasn't good enough for you now, he had already worked you up from eating you out just a few seconds earlier and the idea of your fantasy had you too desperate now. So you whined again and tried to fuck yourself on his cock at the pace you need. Toshinori caught on pretty quickly and grabbed your hips and pulled you fully around him.
Both of you groaned from the sudden action. Toshinori began moving again, this time fast and rough. You managed to pick up your phone that you had left on the table, turn on the camera, point it at the mirror in front of you and hit record.
The sight was beyond erotic. The Number 1 Hero drilling his secret lover from behind in dressing room on set of a news station. God, it made you so wet. The grin on your face with your moans made it evident.
Because of the mirror, both of you were able to see each other's faces. Toshinori's brow full of sweat and mouth covered in your cum and his own salvia was godly. Not to mention his look of determination as he continued pounding you brought you closer and closer to edge.
"All Might!" You cried, not really hearing yourself over the sound of his balls slapping your cheeks.
But he heard you (and possibly some others in the building) and he groaned in your ear, "Princess! Oh my good little girl!"
Fuck!
He knew calling you 'little girl' made you crazy.
"Oh All Might please!" You begged.
You knew you sounded like a bad pornstar, but you didn't care. You knew Toshi loved it and was about to give into your begging.
But before he could, the worst thing you could imagine happened next. A loud knock on the door.
"Miss?"
Both you and Toshinori froze and stared at each other in the mirror in fear and shook.
"Y-Yes?!" You answered.
"Miss, your driver is here waiting for you. They are outside." It was likely one of the crew members of the station. They turned the door handle, shooting fear through you so bad you could scream, but it didn't open.
The chair Toshinori had put against the door temporarily saved you two. Realising this, he slowly began moving inside of you again. You moaned softly at the feeling and quickly covered your mouth with your free hand (hand not holding up your phone that was still recording).
The crew member must of wondered why the door wasn't opening, considering none of the dressing room doors had locks on them for safety reasons, but didn't ask why or for you to open the door and instead just let go of the handle.
"Oh o-okay...t-thank you. Out in a miiintue!" You quickly choked out.
"Great. Do you happen to know where Mr. All Might is? His car arrived first but he isn't in his dressing room."
"Nooo!" You whined.
You could see the see the evil smile on your boyfriend's face in the mirror. No question, you were going to (try to) kick his ass after this.
"Ok, no worries. Thank you for coming Miss!"
Footsteps were heard leaving the door, presumably to go find your man. Toshinori laughed slightly and pulled your head back by your hair and started moving at the same fast pace he was before.
You groaned at the small pain and glared up at your soulmate, "You like torturing me, asshole?"
"Maybe a little." He smiled.
"Oh please just make me cum, Toshinori." You sighed, giving him your best doe eyed desperate-for-sex expression.
Your lover was more than happy to fulfil your request. This was definitely by far would be the best sex tape you two ever made.
—///—
Later on the two of you were getting ready for better, you had finally finished your night skin care routine and was headed back to you and Toshinori's shared bedroom. He was still up reading a book in bed like usual, he looked and smiled when you walked into the room.
"Toshi," You began as you got comfortable in the bed, "What changed your mind today?"
"About what, Love?" He asked and put his book away to pull you closer to him.
"When I told you about my sex dream, you said it wouldn't happen." You pouted at him.
Toshinori's cheeks darkened, "Well, you got me all hot and bothered during the interview."
"How?" You raised an eyebrow.
"I like to see you handle touchy women for me." Toshinori smiled shyly now.
"Oh really?" You giggled, "You like having a jealous girlfriend?"
"A bit, yes." He admitted.
"Aw... maybe I should set them straight more often." You grinned and kissed his neck.
Toshinori shivered, both from the idea and the attention you was suddenly showing his neck, "Yes please...good girl."
You felt your heat burn at his words as well as his erection grow under the duvet and you eagerly wanted to head down under the duvet. But you both still had something to say.
"I'm sorry love, I was just a little scared about people finding out about us, and being intimate outside our home has got us caught before...and I feel like we already take a big risk with recording our moments together." Toshinori sighed.
"So you don't want to record anymore?" You looked heartbroken.
"Oh no, Princess! Of course not!" He pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms around your waist (you could feel his lover's boner, which you wonder if he forgot about), "I love have something to remind myself of our best moments."
"We don't have to record anymore if you're worried it could get out." You replied, still looking sad.
"Honey, that's not what I was saying.." Toshinori kissed your head, "I love you and I love how excited you get by the camera. And I love watching our little videos."
You looked up at him, "I love you Toshi. And I just want you to be comfortable."
"I am comfortable, I'm always comfortable when I'm alone with you." Toshinori smiled.
You turned to look at him and kissed one of his sunken cheeks, "Ok... so if I keep your female fans in line... what will you do for me?"
"What do you want love?" Toshinori asked.
"I want a reward, All Might." You grinned and slowly stroked your lover's excited friend.
He shivered again. Mustering up all his strength, Toshinori transformed into All Might. His erection underneath you went from poking you ass to almost straight up penetrating you. A loud moan came from your throat, the ending of it was muffled from All Might gently pushing you off his lap and all the way down till you were face down onto the end of the bed and ass up.
The muscular blonde Silver Fox gently rubbed your ass with one hand whilst the other fought off this sweat pants (that did absolutely nothing to hide his lower reigns). Once his pants were off and his length was fully exposed, All Might picked up his phone from his nightstand, pointed the camera down at you and hit record.
"Little Princess... do you think my cock at full size is a good enough reward for being such a good girl for me?"
The camera got a very lovely shot of your wetness soaking through your sweatpants just from his words. You felt your cunt clench around nothing and you looked back at your lover.
"Yes please Daddy."
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vampyrixdarling · 4 months
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I LOVED YOUR ZOMBIE SONIC WRITING HSHDJF
Okay so Sonic with a reader that he caught feelings for, right ? But the thing was, they were a big bad meanie guy out for BLOOD. They liked Sonic too, but refused to change their villainous ways tehe
IM IN LOVE Q THIS IDEA
HCs or a one shot is fine >:)))
— 「𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨’𝐬 𝐚 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧」
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ MASTERLIST
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╰┈➤ Sonic the Hedgehog x villain!reader
: ̗̀➛ synopsis; Sonic never could’ve predicted that he’d be falling for the same person who would actively endanger his home and his friends. But it happened. Mutual pining with slight rivalry mixed in with playful fighting, who’s to complain?
: ̗̀➛ Type; romantic headcanons
: ̗̀➛ warning(s); brief mentions of fighting (not detailed), swearing.
Likes/Reblogs are always appreciated!! <3
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I’m like honestly SO embarrassed of the quality of this😭 please let this slide Orion I am BEGGING🙏🙏 my writing is normally SO MUCH BETTER I SWEAR
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→ Sonic is someone who prides himself on being able to save his world from any threat that dares try to destroy it or hurt his friends or innocent people. He’s a hero, and he’s proud to call himself one. Sure, the praise and the fame that comes with it is cool and all, but all Sonic really cares about is saving all that he can, and taking down evil. He doesn’t need a reward for just doing what he loves. Hell, he’d even get to hangout with his friends just talking about the fight he had, and try some of Amy’s delicious deserts of course. Except if it was strawberry shortcake. He’d stay far away from that if he could.
→ You, on the other hand, were just another villain. You found a kind of sadistic joy in the misery of other people— a sick satisfaction from watching all those below you suffer a terrible fate at your hands. It’s always been this way for as long as you could remember, really. There wasn’t a moment you truly felt happy. No moment where you truly felt complete. And maybe, just maybe, causing pain and suffering to those undeserving made you feel just a little better about the dull, boring life you had. Something like the phrase, “if I can’t be happy, nobody can”, as much as you hated it.
→ But, nobody could deny the slight excitement you felt when the blue blur himself stood in your path, eyes locked on yours as he got ready to attack. A fight with him was never boring, that much was guaranteed. and perhaps you felt the same way, unfortunately you’d never get to finish your thought before he spin-dashed into you, sending you flying into the nearest wall.
“Ugh, come on, [Name]… haven’t we been over this once before?”
“Three times, actually. Learn to keep track.”
The hedgehog rolled his eyes as he sped towards you again. Meanwhile, with a cocky grin on your face, you shakily got up.
→ Sonic would feel extremely conflicted and confused. On one hand, you were everything he hated. Someone who felt joy in causing terror and harm upon those he cared for. But, on another hand, there was an undeniable chemistry between you guys. None of you would ever admit that, though.
→ He hated how felt this way about you. He shouldn’t feel anything like this for any of his enemies. But, there was also this one flaw about him. The fact that he’s willing to give second chances and hope for the best. He does see the good in you, no doubt about it. It’s just that you’re being so damn difficult, he wish you’d just give up.
→ But you weren’t oblivious to this. You saw how the hedgehog briefly hesitated before landing a punch to you. You saw how his eyes lit up once he realized you weren’t dead from that landing. And, a part of you felt pity for him. You realized how hard this was for him, to hurt someone he’s grown to love, and you really wished you wouldn’t care. But you did.
Because you loved him too.
→ None of you took the realization well. You both hated each other for feeling this way, and while you both tried to separate from each other, you just kept coming back. You both would swear it’s because you’re causing trouble and Sonic’s just trying to save everyone, but you both knew it was different. But one day, during a pretty heated fight..
“Why can’t you just let me do what’s best for you, [Name]?!”
“This isn’t what’s best! You don’t know anything about me!”
“I know that I love you!”
Oh.
Oh..
→ Once the awkwardness was out of the way, and you two were finally able to confront each other… you got it all out. You both had a talk about how you really felt. He expressed his concerns, and you voiced your clear distain towards leaving your villainous ways. Which, he understood. He hated how you refused to stop, but you just wouldn’t listen to him. So after negotiating, you agreed to slightly tone down your attacks. Which wasn’t much, but at least you weren’t killing anybody.
Bonus: He’d LOVE chasing after you and getting into so many playful fights with you while you’re attacking the town. It would be so fun and exciting for the both of you.
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mochroialainn · 2 months
Text
Despite everything
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Title: Despite Everything Fandom: Hogwarts Legacy Characters: Sebastian Sallow x reader Plot: Despite everything he did, despite everything he said to you, the months of pain caused he caused you. Some part of you still saw the good, saw the kind and the caring and the protective. Most of all you still saw the hurt and the pain he suffered, so despite everything you gave him back the one thing he loved most in the world. His sister . Themes: Angst, hurt/comfort Warnings: Asshole Sebastian, mild hurt/comfort, love confessions, fem!reader. Word count: 6,769 Notes: This is based in 7th year, all characters are ages up to 18. I also have yet to finish the game, so please excuse any errors! This also got very out of hand very quickly and I apologise for the length
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Golden light filtered through the windows of the Sallow home in Feldcroft illuminating everything inside in a warm honey glow that gave Anne a feeling of hope as she watched the person who had slowly became her best friend over the past year and a half, fiddle with her wand, twirling it between her fingers and twisting and turning it absentmindedly as her eyes scanned over the piece of parchment in her hands. 
It was an unlikely friendship, but one that was true and ran deep. It was a friendship built on trust and love and seeing every part of the other. For too long all people saw in Anne was her illness, the dreadful curse that had taken over her life too long. They pittied her and feared her at the same time, they didn’t want the same thing to happen to them and even though it wasn’t contagious people tended to stay clear of her. But [name] wasn’t like that, she saw Anne wholly for who she was. She saw her as a person rather than her illness, 
She saw the Anne that many thought was lost the day she was cursed, she saw the daring adventurous girl she once was. [Name] always revelled in reading and hearing the stories of Anne and Sebastian when they were children, their mischieviousness and the trouble they would get into, she proclaimed one day that Anne and Sebastian were probably the reason Solomon had grey hairs, causing the two girls to fall into a fit of giggles. 
And Anne saw [name] as more than the Hero of Hogwarts, she saw past the facade of strength and courage to see the crumbling girl beneath who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. The girl who was suddenly whisked into a world of magic and was the only one with the power to stop it from crumbling. She saw the vulnerability and the fear hidden deep below the mask. But she also saw the kindness and the protectiveness, saw it in the way she spoke of her friends. Of Ominis and Sebastian and how she would have burned the world to the ground if anything were to happen to them, and those two boys were the most important people in her life and as soon as she saw how [name] cared for them she was quickly added to the list. 
Since their initial meeting, the girls had sent each other countless owls back and forth and [Name] would visit Anne any time she could, though her visits became less frequent towards the end of their 5th year. Anne had asked about in her letters, saying she missed [Name] and even tried to sweeten it by saying that even Solomon missed her because he loved the way Anne’s eyes would light up anytime [Name] was around and he was happy she had a friend like her. Something had changed,she just didn’t know what and though [Name] never divulged the information she had a feeling it was to do with her stubborn, hard-headed brother who couldn’t see a good thing if it him in the face with same force as a bludger. 
It was during the summer of their sixth year that Anne finally pulled the information from Ominis who had come to see her and Sebastian. Sebastian and Solomon had gone off to do some shopping, the pair slowly mending bridges together, and Anne had asked Ominis about [Name]. She had noticed the way he fidgeted uncomfortably, pulling on his sleeves and chewing on hislips nervously. After much pestering from Anne’s side, Ominis had finally relented and told her what happened. 
About her working with a goblin and Sebastians reaction, him calling her ignorant and icing her out as if she had never meant anything to him. To how he was treating her like she meant nothing to him, like she didn’t even exist. And Anne swore if she could she was going to beat her brother black and blue because she was simply the best thing to ever happen to him. Ominis had sensed her getting worked up, the tension and heat in the room rising, and he had let her know that Imelda Reyes already landed a punch on Sebastian that landed him in the hospital wing with a broken nose and Gareth Weasley had accidentally spilled a potion on him that made him smell like sour milk for 2 whole weeks. That had got a chuckle out of her and Ominis promised to tell [name] that she should come visit and that was enough for Anne. 
So [Name] did just that, she and Ominis conspired with Anne and Solomon to have her go over when Sebastian wasn’t around so the girls could talk. It was during one of these visits that [Name] revealed she hadn’t stopped looking for something to help Anne, even if she couldn’t find a cure she wanted to find something that could illviate the pain and make it so Anne could return to Hogwarts. Anne was gobsmacked when she said it, not wanting her to loose herself in the dark magic the same way Sebastian had. 
That was when [name] explained to Anne that she wasn’t going anywhere near dark magic ever again, her use of it had left her scarred and broken and she was still putting herself back together with the help of her friends, and she revealed her connection to ancient magic and how she could wield it. She told her of Isidora taking the pain away from her father and how Sebastian had damn near lost her mind when she refused to do it. She explained to Anne she simply didn’t know enough, she had seen what happened to Isidora and those she claimed to help by taking away their pain and she was not prepared to take Anne out of one torment to throw her straight into another. She had to study it more and she didn’t care how long it took but she would find a way to help Anne that didn’t involve dark magic or Isidora’s method. 
[Name] always kept Anne informed of her research, telling her what she had learned and the progress she had made even if she was only half a step closer, she also told her stories of Hogwarts and the spells they were learning how the more she researched healing the more she wanted to become a healer. This continued for over a year, the two becoming best friends and sneaking around Sebastian but never mentioning him, both recognising the pain he had caused [Name], and to now. 
It was two weeks before the end of summer and [name] returning to Hogwarts for the 7th and final year. She had spent most of her summer researching and working and perfection and finally, finally she found the last bit she needed and as soon as she had confirmation from Anne that Sebastian was out of their home and would be gone for a few hours she used floo powder to travel to the Sallow home where had been pacing and re-reading for the last hour as Anne watched on amusedly, hope blooming in her chest. 
Finally [Name] folded the parchment that had been in her hand up and returned it to her pocket and faced Anne with a smile. “Are you ready?”
Anne nodded and whispered a quiet “yes” just loud enough to [Name] to hear, but it was all she needed to hear. If Anne was ready, so was she. She stood beside Anne’s bed, the point of her wand nearly touching her hair line, she spoke a soft encatation the tip of her wand glowing blue, the familiar surge of ancient magic flowing through her and making her feel feather light. 
Moving the wand slowly down Anne’s forehead a trail of light followed from the first point, she stopped at point below between Anne’s eyebrows she repeated the incantation again and another pool of light followed as she repeated the steps again moving her wand down Anne's body, stopping at her throat, the center of her chest just slightly right of her heart, at the base of her strernum, at her belly button, and finally at her feet, the trail of light following the path. 
Once she finished the last incantation, he moved her wand once again, placing it directly above Anne’s heart a repeated another incantation this one different can causing the magic to spread out around Anne until every inch of her body was covered in the brilliant blue of ancient magic. The tip of [Name]’s wand dug into the soft flesh of Anne’s chest, not hard enough to cause pain but enough for it to be felt and for her to control the magic working its way through Anne’s body with a lot more precision and she closed her eyes. 
It was an intense feeling, being able to move and see the magic rolling  through someone's body. Being able to locate the curse that had buried itself deep inside Anne. She found it quite quickly, seeing it as dark, throned vines that had twisted itself around Anne’s nervous system and rooted right in her heart. Slowly, [Name] started untangling the vines using her magic to weaken their grip on Anne’s body, pulling them away and covering them in the light of ancient magic causing them to wither and wilt away, she started with the vines twisted around ther nerves slowly killing them all before moving on to the organs and then the muscles and finally to the root of the dark magic lodged inside her heart. This one was a little trickier and required a lot more care and patience, slowly she pulled at the roots, pulling them out one by one and killing them until only one remained and then until none remained. 
Slowly, she opened her eyes and and removed her wand from Anne’s chest, the light at the end extinguishing as the ancient magic around Anne faded. The golden light that had been shining in the room previously had gone, now the room was illuminated in a silver hue the full moon outside the window shining on the two girls and providing the only light in the room. 
“How do you feel?” [Name]’s voice was soft, exhaustion making its home in her body as her muscles started to feel heavy and her brain started to fog. She knew the magic would take it out of her, knew it would leave her exhausted but she wouldn’t let Anne see that, she would only worry [Name] had done too much at once and fuss over her. 
“I feel… good.” Anne smiled, the pain she usually felt gone, the tension in her muscles easing. Breathing was easier and her chest felt light for the first time in years, she took a deep breath and reveled in the fact that it didn’t hurt. A smile quickly came to her lips as she sat herself up, back leaning against the headboard, tears pricked at her eyes as the joy took over and she couldn’t help but let a few slips past and a joyous laugh feel from her lips. [Name] started tearing up as well, reaching out to take Anne’s hand as she mumbled out ‘thank yous’ between the tears. 
“What are you doing here?” An angry voice cuts through the sobs of Anne and causes both girls to whip their head to the door to see Sebastian standing here his face red and nostrils flared as he glared directly at [Name]. The girls eyes widened as she stood in shock, she knew there was always a risk he would come home but she thought she had enough time to leave before he did but the spell must have took much longer than she thought. She wanted to apperate out there and then, to disappear and not face the angry face of the boy she still cared so deeply for despite everything. Beside him Ominis stood, his hand outstretched across Sebastians chest to stop him from charging forward. 
“Sebastian…” Ominis’ voice was a stern. It was a warning to his friend not to do anything stupid or in anger. Sebastian simply growled in response placing his hand on Ominis’ and pushing his friends hand away as he stalked towards [Name].He was taller than her now, she remember being able to look him in his eyes in 5th year but he had shot up in 6th year and now he towered over her, eyes cold and harsh as he glared. 
“What.are.you.doing.here?” His voice was harsher than his glare, the sound of it actually struck fear into [Name]’s heart as she strugged to come up with a response. The exhaustion had fully sank in now, her muscles were giving in on her and she could feel her legs shaking, barely holding her weight up and her head felt like it had been submerged underwater and everything seemed so far away and so close all at once. Her chest constricted, breathing hard to do as every breath felt like a sharp pain. Her body was starting to shut down, she needed to rest and if she didn’t leave soon she was going to collapse. 
Anne’s hand left hers and instead grabbed Sebastians, drawing his gaze away from [Name] just in time as she tumbled slightly backwards. Anne saw it happened from her periphery, the way [Name] was struggling to standing and seemed to sway from side to side, but she knew she needed to calm Sebastian down before she could help her friend.Sebastian’s glare softened slightly when he turned to his sister and the hand she wasn’t holding closed over the top of hers in comfort. “Sebastian, she was helping me. She found a cure.”
Sebastians eyes widened at her words, the harshness melting away and making room for shock instead as his eyes darted between Anne and [Name]. “What?” His words caught in his throat,a lump forming and stopping any more words from coming out as he eyed his sister up and down and reached out to cup her cheek and rub it gently with his thumb. Anne nodded her head as a confirmation that it was true, “I’m cured Sebastian.” 
That was the last thing [Name] heard before she hit the floor, the exhaustion finally taking over her body and rendering her unconscious. Ominis jumped at the sound, eyes immediately landing on the spot where [Name] had fallen, his hand was in his hand leading him to hear before Sebastian could even mutter a word or get close to her. His hands were gentle as he felt for her arm, fingers moving slowly down until he reached her wrist he pressed into it gently a relieved sigh leaving his lips as he felt the her pulse. “Sebastian, go get Solomon.” 
Sebastian nodded and released Anne’s hand and face, rushing down to get his uncle. Anne slowly moved from her place on the bed, so used to being careful with her body to join Ominis on the floor and placing [Name]’s head in her lap as she ran a hand through her hair gently and placed her forehead against hers as a silent thank you for what she had done through she knew [Name] couldn’t feel it. Sebastian and Solomon quickly returned, Solomon’s shock of seeing Anne up and not in pain quickly being replaced with mild panic at the sight of the unconscious witch in her lab. 
“We need to get her to a healer, now”. 
༺═────────────═༻
When [Name] awoke she was in the hospital wing of Hogwarts, Matron Blainey standing over her with wand in hand as she did some basic checks on her body. “Ah, look who’s awake” 
“Matron Blainey? How did I get here?” Confusion clouded [Name]’s mind, the last thing she remembered was Sebastian towering over her, his icy glare piercing through her entire body. It hurt to try and remember anything else, she tried to sit up but Matron Blainey placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her head gently.
“You’re exhausted dear, you’ve been unconscious for two days. Solomon Sallow brought you in alongside a very healthy looking Anne Sallow who explained you had used ancient magic to cure her.” [Name] lay back down, head hiting the pillow with a soft ‘thump’ as she out an exacerbated sigh, she hated being confined to a bed and not being able to move. More than that she wanted to see Anne and make sure she was still okay. Matron Blainey placed a hand atop her forehead as she continued speaking, “the magic you used exhausted you and caused you to collapse in the middle of Anne’s bedroom. Solomon tried to find a healer in Feldcroft but they were of gathering supplies and so he apperated you here, he was just lucky I was doing some final checks before the new school year started” 
[Name] nodded her head gently, the movement causing immense pain in her head as her body finally registered the aches flowing through it, including the migraine that was now blaring right behind her head. “And Anne?” Matron Blainey took out a wiggenweld potion and gently had [Name] drink it, “For the pain” 
She capped the empty potion bottle before turning back to the station beside the bed and lifting a hot towel and laying it gently against [Name]’s head. “She’s good, I checked her over myself and she seems to be in tip-top shape thanks to you. In fact I believe they are currently speaking to Professor Black about her returning to Hogwarts after the summer.” A smile broke out onto [Name]’s lips which Matron Blainey returned, “Now rest. Your parents have been informed of what has happened but I want to keep you here for observation for a bit longer”
Relief filled [Name]’s body, it had worked and Anne was okay with that, she closed her eyes and feel into a deep slumber. 
༺═────────────═༻
[Name] spent 3 more days in the hospital wing, most of it she spent sleeping and recovering under the careful eye of Matron Blainey who informed she had quite a few visitors, Anne for one was coming almost daily alongside Ominis and they spoke to her as she slept. Talking about how excited Anne was to get back to Hogwarts and how she would have extra assignments to do to catch up, she might have to do an extra year to complete bother her O.W.L.S and her N.E.W.T.S but she didn’t mind as long as she was back. Matron Blainey told her Ominis usually just watched Anne talk but joined in occasionally mostly just to vent about his summer had been terrible with his family and catching up with Anne. She had also said Solomon had visited a few times and when asked about the flower at her bedside, the matron had informed her that Sebastian had left them it was beautiful bouquet of blue hyacinths and daffodils. 
[Name] was shocked Sebastian had came, he hadn’t spoke to her in over a year and a half and openly spoke bad about her to friends, berating her and undermining her skills and efforts and yet here he was visiting her and leaving flowers. When Matron Blainey commented on the blue hyacinths and daffodils being an unusual combination, [Name] had simply replied, “In the language of flowers, blue hyacinths are a symbol of remorse and sincerity and daffodils mean forgiveness and hope” 
The flower choice was deliberated, Sebastian knew [Name] had a small fascination with the language of flowers and had spent time in her 6th year learning it with Professor Garlick, she assumed he had gone to either her or Ominis for advice on the flowers to use. But she appreciated the sentiment all the same. Matron Blainey had simply nodded her head and commented that he must be trying to apologise for something incredibly bad if he was going to such length. Though she didn’t verbalise it, [Name] definitely thought ‘you can say that again’. 
After the 3rd day in the Hostpial Wing, [Name] was allowed to return home and get ready for the upcoming school year, it was only a week and a half away after all. Her parents fussed over her a little, making sure she was okay before scolding her softly for beingso reckless with such a powerful spell and then they told her how proud they were of her for what she did. 
The week and a half leading up to school was uneventful, she got owls from Imelda, Poppy, Garteth and Anne about the upcoming year and she answered them all as quickly as she could. She was excited to start the new year, learning new spells and polishing up all her other spells and skills but yet one thing niggled in the back of her mind, a constant thought that never seemed to disappear no matter how hard she tried to push it away. That thought was simply Sebastian Sallow. 
She didn’t know what to think, didn’t know what to do about the curly haired boy. She had loved him since 5th year, even after he called her ignorant and began ignoring her. Began speaking bad of her to anyone who would listen, he had broke her with that. She thought he had cared about it, at one point thought he loved her like she loved him but that didn’t seem to be the case. And then he goes and sends her a bouquet of forgiveness and turned her mind upside down once again with thoughts of him. Whatever thoughts she had of him and wanting to forgive him though were pushed to the side, she had spoke to Imelda and Poppy in her letters about what happened and they both had the same sentiment that flowers were not enough and an apology and they would want more, well Imelda would want him to beg for forgiveness while Poppy would want more of a show of remorse and though she might not agree with how they want the forgiveness to be asked for, she agreed he need to earn her forgiveness and the flowers were simply not enough for him breaking her heart. So as she boarded the Hogwarts express, she pushed all thoughts of him to the side and joined her friends in a carriage to have a proper catch up of what they did over the summer. 
༺═────────────═༻
It was two weeks into the new term and Sebastian still hadn’t made a move to properly apologise to [Name], instead he just stared longingly at her across the tables in the Great Hall and in classes watching as she laughed and smiled with her other friends, with Gareth Weasley. The sight of the red-head making her laugh filled him with jealousy, jealousy that was undeserved mind you and he knew it. He knew he had no right to be jealous,[Name]  wast his and she never was  no matter how much his heart called out to her . He was the one that pushed her away, he was the one who couldn’t see past his anger and his stubbornness to see she was only trying to help and by the time that word got to him that it was Rockwood who had cursed Anne and not goblins it was too late, the damage was already done. He didn’t think there was anything he could say now that could make her forgive him, even if Matron Blainey had told him she adored the flowers and took them home with her, somewhere deep in his mind told him she would never forgive him and that part of him always won over the side that told him to at least try. 
A ‘smack’ to the back of his head brought him out of reprieve and he turns to his sister in shock, eyes wide and a look of ‘what the fuck was that for’ flitted accross his face. Anne simply huffed and crossed her arms over her chest and she stared at her brother incredously, “You can’t be serious?”  
The look of shock turned to a questioning one as he looked at his sister, “What?” Beside Anne, sat Ominis who rolled his eyes at his friends denseness, the action was almost in synch with Anne’s as she face palmed and rolled her own eyes. “You are such a dumb ass Sebastian Sallow”
“What for?” Sebastian knew he did a lot of stupid things, a lot, but he genuinely did not know what his sister was talking about until she motioned towards [Name] and raised an eyebrow, “You still haven’t talked to her?”
Anne knew he hadn’t, [Name] had told her as much the night before as she, [Name], and Imelda sat in around the fire in their dorm rooms gossipping. Imelda made a comment about how he didn’t deserve forgiveness anyway which caused the other two girls to roll their eyes, Anne knew where Imelda was coming from. She knew [Name] didn’t solely rely on her for female friendship and Sebsatian was her brother so she didn’t want to bring her problems about him to Anne and Imedla had stayed up many nights holding a crying [Name] in her arms as she got through the heartbreak that was loosing Sebastian Sallow, she was the one who helped her pick up the pieces of her broken heart and slowly glue it back together. 
But Anne knew her brother, knew he wanted to apologise. Wanted to fix things. He was just stupid and stubborn and an absolute fool when it came to manners of the heart. Sebastian cast his eyes down to his hands, fingers fiddling together as he avoided Anne’s intense gaze and shook his head. It was strange to see him so demure, so shy, he was usually so confident about everything. Thats when Anne knew he didn’t know what to do. 
She let out a sigh and dropped her hand to his, prompting him to look up at her through his eye lashes, “Just tell her how you feel Sebastian before you loose your chance.” As she said that, his eyes looked up at your again just in time to see Gareth tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and subtly glance down at your lips as if he wanted to kiss you. A pit formed in Sebastians stomach, the jealousy now turning into something tangible and real and dangerous, he couldn’t loose you. Not to Weasley, not to anybody. He stood from his spot at the table quickly, and abruptly stormed out of the room the dramatics of his actions drawing attention from the other slytherins near him. 
“What’s gotten into him?” Imelda asked as she eyed his back, Ominis’ simple response was “he finally grew a pair” causing a chuckle to leave the mouths of the surrounding slytherins, including Anne. 
༺═────────────═༻
A haggard sigh slips through [Name]’s slips as she walked into her dorm room, the light of the lanterns illuminating the space in such a way it feels homely and welcoming, it's a comfort of a home away from home to come back to at thend of a long school day, Imelda sits on her bed, booked surrounding her as she studies and scribbles away on her parchment. It seemed the only time the quidditch captain and prefect had to study as in the early morning dawn before the sun even kissed the sky before quidditch practive  and at dusk as the moons silvery moon starts to illuminate the black lake in an etheral light before she has to attend her prefect duties. She glances up at [Name] briefly offering a small smile and pointing to the other girls bed with her head, “There’s something on your bed”
Confused, [Name] turns towards her bed and walks towards it cautiously afraid one of the other slytherins had got the wrong idea and thought she was an easy target for a prank. Instead of an ill-fated prank on her bed there is a bouquet of flowers, a plain velvet box and a note. Her fingers trail over the bouqert gently, this one is fuller than the one at the hospital wing full of wisteria (her favourite flower), carnations, and tulips. She smiles gently and lifts the bouquet, taking a smell of the flowers and letting out a content smile. The flowers were symbolic once again, wisteria is associated with long life and love, carnations meant deep affectionate love, and the red tuplips were usually conveyed that a person was your one true love. 
Conjuring a vase, she places the flowers inside them as her heart hammers inside her chest, feelings she thought long forgotten bubbling to the surface as she turns back to her bed and lifts the velvet box and opens it. She gasps gently as she pulls out a gold chain with a beautiful moissante heart, she turns it over in her hands admiring the beauty and craftsmanship of the piece and an inscription catches her eye, ‘tuum in aeternum’, her heart beat quickens once again as her latin lessons finally come in handy as she quickly translates the phrase in her mind to ‘yours forever’. 
Tears start forming in her eyes as she places the necklace back in its box and slips it into her pocket before reaching for the note, its simple and reads ‘im sorry. Please meet me in the undercroft tonight at 12 - S.S’. She lets out a shuttering breath and blinks the tears back, she didn’t know what to expect if she went. Didn’t know how she would react to him. To speaking to him again, with the way her heart was beating and how touch she was at the gifts he gave her she didn’t know if she could stop herself from immediately throwing herself into his arms. 
Imelda’s voice pulls her out of her rolling thoughts, “Who’s it from?”
Clearing her throat, she turns to Imelda and looks back down at the card her voice coming out as barely a whisper, “Sebastian…” Imelda doesn’t ask for more information, she knows she doesn’t have to instead she just raises and eyebrow and waits for her friend to continue, “He wants to meet tonight at 12.”
At this Imelda rolls her eyes and placed her quill down, she was going to chastise her friend for breaking curfew and going back to Sebastian when he didn’t deserve it but the look on [Name]’s face as she stared at the small piece of paper has her biting her tongue. She see’s the hope in her eyes that this might be their chance at reconciliation, that they could make up and she sees the love there as well. The love her friend had pushed so far down inside of her Imelda worried she had stopped herself from feeling the motion ever again and she lets out a sigh. “Let me know what corridor you need clear and I’ll keep the other prefects away”
༺═────────────═༻
[Name] would have to thank Imelda a million times over for this, she knew her friend didn’t hold Sebastian in high regard after everything that had happened in 5th year and she still held the memory of Imelda turning round and socking him right in the nose when she heard him speak badly of [Name] for the first time. It shows that Imelda cared, despite how prickly she could be. As Imelda promised, the corridor leading to the UnderCroft was clear, giving her a clear path without the risk of any prefect seeing through her disillusionment charm. Standing before the entryway to the UnderCroft [Name] takes a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves bundling up inside of her and turning her stomach into knots. 
After removing her disillusionment charm, she  takes a few before she feels fully confident in going down and as she descends her hands roughly card through her hair and they start picking at the skin around her nails in nervousness. They let out another shuddering breath as the doors open to the UnderCroft, their heart feels like it's about to beat out of their chest as they take the first step out and the knots in their stomach seems to deepen to the point that they feel nauseous and that feeling only intensifies when she see’s Sebastian leaning against on the pillars with his arms crossed over his chest and his head facing the ceiling, eyes closed in contemplation. 
He looked so handsome, he had always been handsome but something about him was different. She realised she hand’t really looked at him since that day in 5th year, after all she had been avoiding him, but his jawline had gotten sharper and there was an air of maturity around him that she hadn’t seen before. She knew he was taller, he had towered over her in the Sallow home in Feldrcoft after all, but he was broader too. He had well and truly grown into himself and he was so devestaingly handsome it almost killed her. 
His eyes opened and his head snapped towards her, his gaze was piercing but not the way it was in his home. Then it was full of anger and it had scared it. This time, it was different. It was as if he was looking right through her, like he was staring straight into her very being and could see how nervous she was. His eyes also held something else, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on but it was gentle and kind and as his gaze went over her entire body she felt like she was being draped in warmth and comfort, the same kind of feeling she got on a stormy day and she wrapped herself up in blankets with hot chocolate and a good book. 
She takes a step closer to him and he does the same, they stay silent as their eyes take each other in fully for the first time in a year and a half. Sebastian wasn’t the only one who changed, she had too. She had changed her hair style, courtesy of Poppy’s advise, and it shaped her face beautiful and accentuated her features, the shape of her eyes, the slope of nose, the plumpness of her lips and he wanted to reach out and kiss her. And though she didn’t grow quite as tall as he did, she had grown some and with that growth came other changes that he would be ashamed to admit he noticed, the plumpness of her hips and thighs, it made her hip dips more noticeable and made her look even more beautiful. 
He would never admit it to anyone, he barely admitted it to himself but he had spent many nights dreaming of how her body would feel in his hands, her silk skin against his and her bare thighs pressing against his, her bare chest pressing against his. He had spent many sleepless nights fantasising about having her because he believed it would never really happen. 
They take a few more steps towards each other until their standing toe to toe, they stand in silence for a bit the only sound being their breathing and they don’t move, they simply bask in each others presence. Sebastian is the first to move, he takes one of her hands in her own and presses a gentle kiss to knuckles before muttering “You’re absolutely beautiful.” 
Blush quickly seeps over [Name]’s face, dusting her cheeks rosy pink, “And I am an absolute fool.” His other hand comes up to cup at her cheek and he rubs gentle circles into the apple of hit as he continues, “I couldn’t bear the thought of loosing you to goblins. Of falling into their schemes and traps I thought you were abandoning me for them, I thought you had given up on me.” 
A sad smile form on [Name]’s face as she reached her own hand up to cup the one Sebastian has on her cheek, “I never would have abandoned you Sebastian”
“I know. But I’m stubborn and hardheaded and a complete and utter asshole.I felt betrayed and I was hurt and angry and I thought by hurting you I would hurt less. I thought if I could convince you to hate me it would be easier for me to hate you for betraying me. But it wasn’t.”
He lets out a shuttering breath, his words soft as he speaks them. Almost as if someone else will here them and his words are only means for you, “It was the hardest damn thing I ever had to do. Acting like I hate you. Like I hated the ground your walked one, when in actuality I wanted to worship it. I wanted to worship you.” 
[Name] turns her head slightly and kisses the palm of the hand holding her cheek, urgin him to continue, “You are simply amazing, a powerful witch in your own right who could kick my ass in a duel anytime. But you are also sweet, and kind and compassionate, you are the most courageous peson I know and you protect and care for those you love. You are better than I am in every way and I am so undeserving of you and your love. But I love you, I love you so much that it hurts. I have loved you since your first day in Defense Against the Dark Arts when you kicked my ass in your first every duel, that was the day I gladly ripped my heart and placed it in your hands for safekeeping and I thank Merlin every second of every minute of every hour or day that you decided not to crush it. My heart is and always be your eternally”
“Tuum in aeternum” [Name]’s whisper is soft and finally she recognises the look in his eyes, the one that felt like warmth and comfor and home, it was love. Sebastian always kept a mask on, acting cool and collected and calm, his true emotions rarely shining through his carefully built facade to keep people from getting too close, but for her, for her, he dropped the mask and his walls he had built to keep his emotions to himself were crumbling before her very eyes. 
His eyes brightened at the recognition of the phrase and he can’t stop his excitement seeping through, “You got the necklace?”
[Name] nodded her head and pulled the velvet box from her pocket and opened it, the moissonite twinkling below the torches in the UnderCroft. “I did. Will you help me put it on?” He quickly nods and she hands him the box as she turns and pulls her hair out of the way, his hands are gentle as he places the necklac against her chests and clasps it at the back of her neck. She turns back to him and cups his face gently in her hands. 
“Despite everything, despite the pain you put me through this past year and a half, I still and always will love you Sebastian Sallow. My heart has been yours since you took the fall for me with Scribner. I have seen the dark sides of you but I have also seen the light.I have seen the kind and caring person you are, how much you love and care for Anne and Ominis and how you would burn the world down to protect them. You are not wholly bad Sebastian, you are good too and you are deserving of love and more. I am still hurting from what you did to me, but I forgive you”
Shock covers his features and Sebastian is quick to wrap [Name] in a tight embrace,pulling her close against his chest and leaning his head into her shoulder, “I will spend every minute of every day making it up to you, I promise you that.”
Sebastian pulls away from the hug and quickly ducks down to place a chaste kiss on [Name]’s lips, testing the waters for how far he can go. He goes to pull back but she is wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him back for more, their lips crash together in a passionate kiss and as they pull apart again they both whisper the same words “Tuum in aeternum”, their solemn vow to one another to love each other, eternally.
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madwomansapologist · 3 months
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doubt comes in | bg3 companions
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Meet Kind!Druid!Tav | More Weirdos | AO3
synopsis: You knew exactly what would welcome you back to camp. The alluring smell of Gale's cooking, the awful noises of Lae'zel working on a sword that don't need to be sharpened, Wyll practicing his dance moves. You clearly weren't expecting to see yourself. Or to be forced into fighting the companions you swore to never harm in order to prove Orin was playing with their minds. [3.4K]
warnings: orin being orin. well, you, actually. "prove who's the real you" trope. i mean imagine the level of anxiety that scenario induces because you want me to act like me? kitten, mommy don't fucking know who she is. bg3 level of violence. a lot of blood. body horror should be a tag? tav suffers slashing damage, but orin suffers psychic damage. angst. happy ending. shadowheart x tav x halsin. companions (lae'zel, astarion, gale, wyll, karlach, jaheira, minsc). camp followers (yenna, scratch, grub). background (orin, gortash, mizora, shar, cazador, silvanus).
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Reaching Baldur's Gate didn't made life easier, but Gods did it helped. Danger is near, sometimes closer than a kiss, but this city is still your home. They can try, but no one can take that away from any of you.
Mizora can bargain and dissemble, but no lie coming from her burning lips will ever change the fact Wyll would do anything for this city. He had his first kiss in one of those bars. Gortash is a threat, but did he started counting his days? Karlach is coming for him, and he had it coming. She can still remember the vinegar taste on her mouth after her first spree.
Shar had her time to mess with Shadowheart's memories, to turn goodness into fear and desires into guilty. Shadowheart is learning how to swin. Long ago, before Cazador could even think of looking at him, Astarion walked on those streets. Cazador can see him as a walking corpse if he so desire, something that fell into decay, but Astarion is alive and free forever and evermore.
The world is a freaking mess, but so be it. That won't stop you from living. That won't stop any of you.
"Soldier! Over here," Karlach called for you, up on The Blushing Mermaid's balcony. You dodged the drunkards and ran upstairs to their table. They saved a seat for you. They always do. "What took you so long?"
They're always teasing you for being so controlling with their gold. That was an act of survival, to save for what matters, but now that you reached the city... You're still controlling it, Silvanus knows Astarion would waste it all without noticing, but you can allow your party some luxury from time to time.
You put the bags under the table, careful to not let them see what was inside them. "Just lost track of time," you sat between her and Minsc. "Did I miss much?"
You turned around, looking for a waiter, but a glass was dragged from across the table towards you. Halsin, sitting across from you at the round table, had already ordered your favorite drink. He always knows what you want even before you say it.
Your smile was subtle, the glass already rising to hide your mouth. You didn't use words to thank him, but your foot met his under the table. You dragged it along his leg, a hidden affection. A secret between you two.
"Oh, yes, Boo. Minsc agrees, her smile really seens different," Minsc whispered. Boo moved on his shoulder, sniffing around. "What are you hiding, my gentle friend?"
Perfume of night orchids, clothes fit for a vampire or whatever Astarion means by that, a recently released tome of evocation, instruments to improve weapons, a music box for a dancing hero, owlbear cub plush, new whittling knifes, a book about adventures Jaheira wasn't part of but is still somehow the main character, and stone sculpture of a certain miniature giant space hamster. "Nothing," you answered.
Halsin chuckled. "There is nothing you can't do, my heart. Except by lying, I must add."
"I just bought a few presents," it sounded almost defensive. Alright, maybe you really were a bit too controlling of the gold. Just a bit. "I'll give them after dinner."
Karlach chocked on her beer. "Are you feeling well, soldier? Have anyone forced you to waste your precious gold?"
"There is a hero coming through to help you, my friend," Minsc hit the table with closed fists. Your drink almost fell on your lap. "Tell Minsc who forced you and his boot shall find your wrongdoer!"
Karlach and Minsc tried to see what were in the bags during the walk back to camp, and you protected them with your life. They started a game of guessing what you had bought, never realizing you weren't participating on it.
Halsin took the bags from you, and with his free hand caressed yours. He kissed your knuckles, then your forehead. You melted against his touch. "Is it duck related?"
You chuckled, eyes still closed. "Fuck off, Bear."
Finally at camp, Halsin followed you to your tent .You saw when Wyll walking out of his tent, hair dripping wet, and smiled at him. Karlach and Minsc sat by the bonfire, still arguing about the possibility of receiving an ax as a gift.
You told Halsin to close his eyes so you could hide everything. "Alright, done."
You walked towards the bonfire, but Halsin grabbed your hand and pulled you closer. You linked your arms around his neck, ready to stand on tiptoe. "It's on your black chest, isn't it?"
You sighed, walking away from him. He tried to stop you, but you dodged Halsin easily. "Of course not," you lied. And he could tell.
You used a branch to stir the fire. You had the feeling it would be a cold night. Yenna was near it, stroking Grub's fur, and smiled at you. So young, so innocent. So unfair.
Lae'zel and Jaheira carried pans with food to the large table Gale conjured, and nodded on your direction. "Fifteen minutes, cub," said Jaheira. "Weren't you on watch?"
You denied with a movement of your head. Jaheira isn't the one to get confused with watches, neither are you. After all, you both organized all shifts.
"Are you hungry?" You stroke Yenna's hair, ignoring Grub in order to not scare him away. Kneeled in front of her, you threw the branch far away. Scratch ran to catch it. "I have strawberry and hon..."
"What the fuck is that?!"
You turned to Karlach, your sword suddenly so heavy on your side. She looked perfectly fine. Following her gaze, you understood it.
Shadowheart had her spear on hands, back from first watch to supper. And besides her, with a hand on the half-elf's waist, stood you.
One thing you can't deny Orin: that bitch is creative. You admit, it was smart. Half of the party left with you, half stayed at camp. It was only a matter of chosing the right moment to appear, making sure to say only the right words, and everything would work on her favor.
Smart, until she wasn't anymore. Because instead of aiming your companions quietly without raising doubts, you are back now. She is surrounded by the enemy. Cornered by her own actions.
You smiled to Yenna, her scared eyes shone upon you. "I need you to close your eyes. Can you do that for me?" As she put her tiny hands in front of her face, you raised from the floor. The smile was still there. "Orin."
She was behind you, but you knew Karlach made Nyrulna find a way to her hands. He's not on your vision field, but you promise Silvanus you'll kill yourself right then and there if Minsc and Boo aren't ready to fight and die beside you. The golden light on your periphery in theory could be from anything, but you knew it was Halsin waiting for your command to transform and attack.
The things you couldn't see didn't surprised you. Quite the opposite.
Jaheira's eyes shone, and without hesitation she turned into a fire myrmidion. Wyll, before careless, casted an armor on himself. Lae'zel had her sword on her back, but her movements showed she was nothing but ready.
They were looking at you.
As easy as that you understood. You're always thinking on the great scheme of things, careful about every movement and choice so at the end nothing will stop you from defeating the Absolute, but this isn't a game of Go. Orin didn't proposed a bet, one where all moves matter and any choice could change the final outcome. No. This is as simple as tic-tac-toe. The results depends only on doing the right first movement.
Orin isn't surrounded here.
You are.
Shadowheart hesitated, the spear uncomfortable on her hands, her skin paler. She gazed at you, at that thing, and you could almost see the doubt replacing the new found glow in her eyes.
"You finally decided to show up again," Orin said. She could immitate your voice perfectly. Even the words were something that could've been said by you. "Now we don't need to hunt you down."
You kept on staring at Shadowheart, ignoring her stained words. "Lua, you know who I truly am." You drew your sword, the golden glow illuminating your face within the light of the setting sun. "Fight beside me, my love. Like you have always done."
"Don't fall for her theatrics," replied Orin. If you didn't knew better, even you would fall for her tricks. "She is playing with your mind. Trying to control it like many attempt to before. Don't allow it."
In a quick motion, her spear cut through Orin's torso. Orin, you, stumbled back. You stood in front of Shadowheart, protecting her with your body from the changeling's response.
All Orin did was to add pressure to the cut. "Get away from her!" A necrotic energy came from her fingers, the same you are so used to control. You shouldn't have left your shield on your tent. "My love, she'll only hurt you."
Jaheira aimed at you, lava dripping from her transformed hand, but didn't attack because of how close Shadowheart was of you. Karlach got further away, now with a better view of camp. Minsc had his sword in hands, just as Wyll had a cloud of darkness aiming at him. Lae'zel was in front of Orin, eyes filled with determination.
They moved faster than you wanted to. The board getting new possibilities, and you worst problems to deal with. What strategy can overpower hers?
"On sight, soldier," Karlach screamed from distance. You could picture the spear on her hands, ready to be throw right in Orin's eyes. "One word."
"Ckh. Enough," ordered Lae'zel. "Pull yourself together before I pull you apart."
"That changeling is playing tricks with your mind, Lae'zel," said Shadowheart. Light came from her fingers. "Don't let her fool you."
"I know my leader," was her response. "You should know too, cleric."
"Can't any of you see her true goal?" Your voice echoed through the camp. "She isn't just trying to end me. She could've done this before, we all now she had chances. Orin wants you to fight one another, to break our bonds and divide us. Stay still, stay alert, and she won't have a choice but to end her disguise and attack with her own claws. Patience: that's the only thing she does not have."
With the noise, Gale and Astarion came out of the kitchen. "Who is..." Astarion didn't even had time to finish.
"It's me," you yelled. You had even forgot about them. Just more players for a game that should be won alone. "For Silvanus, I even said goodbye to each and every of you befo..."
You swear you saw a smirk on your duel's face. She fooled you too. "You fucking bitch."
You barely had closed your mouth when red strings of energy passed right beside you. Shadowheart's illuminated fingers were surrounded by darkness now. Gale's work, you knew.
"She is right," Lae'zel's words made you breath easier. It was more than just a smart move, it was a great plan, but Orin won't suceed for a very simple reason: her main goal is to hurt, and yours is to prevent it. Lae'zel stepped closer, her longsword in hands and eyes on Orin. "The wizard shouldn't have aimed at the Shadowheart, neither was she supposed to fight."
A sign of trust coming from her of all people could convince them all. Lae'zel cares, deeply, and wouldn't do something without being sure of it. You glared at the others, hoping Lae'zel's words had calmed them down. And it did. Their eyes were softer towards you. But those weren't the eyes you should've been watching closely.
You didn't saw when she moved. Didn't noticed the smell of danger floating on the air so near you. Didn't heard anything that would've warned you to defend yourself.
But you felt as Lae'zel rip your chest apart.
So much blood. You never would've guessed a mortal vessel could carry so much blood. It stained the silver, dripping from the longsword, splashed her face. It ran down your body, penetrated the ground and its roots, fed the plants..
Red. It was all you could see. All you could think about. Your lungs only had space for it. They burned. Your trembling hands moved towards your ripped belly, your insides staining them, and held the sword. It cut your palms.
"Bloodlust won't solve our problems," someone said. You knew that voice. Was it yours? Lae'zel forced the sword down, then pulled it out of you. "The changeling's is all we need to spill."
You were on your knees. Did you fell? Were you kicked? Are you praying? You must be. You probably were. Who do you pray to? Have you ever prayed before?
Kneeled beside you, a woman talked to you. Her mouth moved, a red liquid dripping from her face and hands. Her touch was warm. She felt like home. Shadowheart. Her eyes reflected a golden light, but they dissapeared so quickly.
"Let me go!" She tried to fight Lae'zel's hold, but the warrior was stronger. "She'll die because of you. She'll die and I will never ever forgive you for that, you damned gith!" The screams turned into cries. "She saved me, let me save her!"
"It's me," the doppelgander said. She held Shadowheart by the cheeks, trying to get her to calm down. "Lua, love, it's me. Just me."
"Get out of me," Shadowheart spat on her face. Lae'zel pushed her away, trying to prevent Shadowheart from doing something she would regret. "Why no one here listen to me?!"
"Stop squirming," Lae'zel hissed. "Look into her eyes. Look and tell me you don't see our leader."
Shadowheart eventually stopped fighting, her body exausted from crying. The changeling was in front of her, you were in front of her. She smelled like you. Talked like you. Felt like you.
"Is that really you?"
"Of course it's me," lied Orin. "Please, look into my eyes. We were together all day. You know I haven't left camp. Please, please, trust me."
Spikes grew, surrounding Orin. She hissed, the ivy twining around her legs and tearing the skin open. Halsin were throw to the ground before he could end the healing spell.
"Halsin!" Shadowheart screamed. She almost escaped Lae'zel's hold. "No!"
"She was with us all day, Halsin," Wyll said as he paralised the druid. "We know it's her. Don't fight back."
That didn't stop Karlach from throwing her spear near the Blade's feet. "You fucking idiot!"
Mizora clapped, enjoying the show.
Jaheira burned Mizora before losing her wild shape. She will come back, she always does, but that never stops Jaheira. At least they will have some moments of respect.
She wandered towards Minsc. He kneeled on the floor, and for a moment she feared something happened to him when she wasn't paying attention.
"She told me not open my eyes," cried Yenna. "I can't open they yet. She told me not to."
"Have you ever seen my miniature giant space hamster?" Yenna didn't react to him. "No, Boo, she nee..."
Jaheira kneeled beside him, her hand resting on his shoulder. "You did well, cub," she forced herself to laugh. "You were so brave. Let's get you and your red cat something to eat, alright?"
A dry sound reached their ears, stopping every and each one of them. You fell to the ground, as firm as an empty sack, whimpers leaving your mouth as you slipped into unconsciousness.
No fighting. No yelling. A quiet end. A peaceful one.
So easy.
Astarion grabbed Gale's shoulders, whispering so the others wouldn't notice. "It smells like her," Astarion swallowed hard. "I know it."
"Are you really sure of that?" Gale watched you, saw all your blood spreading through the ground, and looked into his eyes again. "Because if you're not, if your guess is wrong, then it will be our guts on the ground. Do you really trust your nose that much?"
Astarion gave him a smirk, but Gale could see the fear he was trying to hide. "Will you cover me, darling?"
"What's your plan?"
"Please. If you think I have one, then you don't know me at all."
As the spike dissapeared, Orin held Shadowheart's face again. "Think of everything we faced together. The nautiloid, the grove, the shadows. Wasn't I beside you all this time? Have I ever turned my back on you?"
"No." That Shadowheart knew the answer. "Never."
She looked up to the moon, praying for assistance. When her eyes fell down, she saw the body on the floor. And what surrounded it.
Scratch sad down beside you. He nudged your shoulder with his nose, waiting for you to stop with that game. He didn't like it. It wasn't fun like the others. But as he moved your body, she saw something reflecting the sunset. A flask. Concentrating, Shadowheart saw the contour of something. Of Astarion's body.
Gale had blue rays of light coming out of his eyes.
"Exactly, my love," her cheeks were pinched. The long nails digged on them for so long. "I've never turned on you. Not when you tried to kill Lae'zel. Not when you lied to me again and again. Or when you showed us how low you would go for your goddess. Remember the fear on the Nightsong's eyes? Remember how I pretended not to know all you would do to her if I wasn't there? A cleric who doesn't know where to lay her faith, a torturer so easily deceived, a coward unable to make the right decisions. That's why you never turned on me, right? Because I make the decisions you can't. I carry all the guilty for you. Because it's easier when I control everything. Don't you like it? That you don't need to use your brain when I am around? Wouldn't you give your memories to me if I asked? I know you would. I know you will."
Your head fell. The bone cracking, the skin stretching. They could hear as it moved, as it turned into something else. The shoulders falling, elbows breaking in half, the spine bending until it touches the bloody ground. The last snap, deep and long.
And from a thin cloud of dust, Orin appeared.
"Look at it. Crawnling under my fe..."
Nyrulna wasn't near Wyll, deep on the ground, neither did it came back to Karlach's hands. With accurate aim, the trident pierced Orin's ribs. Her blood joined yours, and the pale body fell where yours once lay.
Taking your time, you walked towards her. Stepping on the changeling's stomach, you ripped the trident from her insides. "I will give you a glorious death," you growled. "I'll make Bhaal wish I was his chosen."
You kneeled beside her, pressing the trident against her neck, then lowered your face until her ear. "I'll make him regret ever settling for you," you whispered.
Her eyes shone. "How... you know," she could barely say anything. "My... sib..."
You squeezed her cheeks, shutting her up. Then you caressed it, getting her skin dirty with your blood. "I know shit about you," you replied. "But I can tell you would never be anyone's first choice."
Orin can believe she escaped, if it's that what she desires. That you were too slow to stop her from teleport to wherever she deemed safe. That you were all bark and no bite. The truth is that she was wrong about you from the start.
You like the hunting.
You dropped Nyrulna to the ground, and threw yourself into Shadowheart's arms. “She lies,” you whispered. "She deceives and hurts and maims. Nothing was true. You're nothing that she said."
Quietly, Shadowheart hugged you. She breathed in your scent, felt your touch, heard your voice. You, you, you. She cried against your body. You.
Looking at the rest of your party, you breathed in. "We need a code," you said. "If we ever get into this sort of situation again, we need to say..."
You bite your lips, trying to think of something. Something you wouldn't use in another situation. Something that would be unique, impossible to confuse the meaning.
"Gold," you chose. "Or the rest of us are allowed to go for the kill."
Lae'zel cleared her throat. "Fair enough."
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if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡
BALDUR’S GATE 3 TAGLIST: @citrusbunnies
@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.
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mingus-archives · 1 year
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Saviors, Suffering, and Isolation in Across the Spiderverse
Something that really stuck with me from Spider-Man Across the Spiderverse was the theme of suffering inherent in the hero narrative (and specifically the spiderman narrative) and how we can perpetuate suffering in our justification of it.
In the intro to the movie, Gwen gives background into how she became Spiderwoman. She explains the traumatic experience of inadvertently causing her friend Peter’s death and says that because of this she can’t have friends. We see how this has caused her to further suffer, forcing a wedge between her and her band, her and her father, and her and Miles. She is obsessed with not letting a loved one suffer at her hands in the same way again. Furthermore, she is okay letting herself suffer through isolation as long as her loved ones are safe.
Then, we meet Miguel, Spider Man 2099, who fervently defends his and his organization’s behavior as making sure some suffering occurs in order to prevent larger suffering. Miguel took over a different dimension’s Miguel, allowing him to have a daughter and live a happy life. However, this dimension fell apart because he was an anomaly and caused that dimension’s timeline to not flow as it should. After this, he forms the Spider-society, which is intent on making sure that anomalies are taken care of and, more importantly, that canon events happen.
This is where the main conflict of the plot arises, as a canon event in the timeline is the death of the police captain, who in Miles’s universe happens to be his father. Miguel insists that Miles has to let his father die, and rages that Miles has already helped another Spiderman (Pavitr) avoid that fate. This is not a surprise to Miguel’s character; he is tormented by his attempts to lead a happy life and therefore believes that suffering is necessary. 
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However, what is striking is that all the spider-people seemingly stand by Miguel except Miles. The characters we know, namely Peter B Parker, Jessica Drew (Spiderwoman), and Gwen all support Miguel’s perspective. This seems wildly out of character for these individuals who we’ve seen be insistent on saving people if it is in their power to do so. But it is important to note that, besides Gwen, they’ve already suffered that canon event of the police captain dying. For them, that was a necessary trauma in their lives that allowed them to be who they are today. It is in a sense a passive justification. They did all they could, but the captain had to die. But for Miles (and Gwen), the death of the captain is something they’re being forced to allow or even facilitate. They have to make the active choice to let their captains, both their fathers, die. Miles is insistent that this is wrong, and that there is another way to live.
As a story centered on characters of colors (and minority characters given Gwen is implied to be trans in the movie), this can be seen as a message about how some communities or people of color treat suffering. That is, the belief in many minority communities like mine (Hmong) is that suffering is a necessary evil to endure for the good of everyone. They suffered, so their children must suffer as well. However, this mindset moves from a coping mechanism to harm when, upon finding no or a lack of suffering, we fabricate suffering onto others like us because we believe this is necessary for success. Instead of finding help, lifting one another up, leaning on each other, we lean into the suffering, the pain, and the isolation. We are unduly harsh to our children, or we don’t try to disrupt the unjust systems that harmed us, or we just let bad situations be.
The Spider Society may be a group of spider-people, but there is surprisingly little care being given to one another’s wellbeing. Instead, they all look at each other and empathize rather than offer real care. I understand rather than let’s understand together. The coldness of this community is made clear with how  harshly Jessica treats Gwen when she screws up, with how cruelly Miguel treats Peter (”I’ve had enough of you”), and most humorously with the therapy scene where the therapist spiderman rudely remarks, “Let me guess your Uncle Ben died?” The spider-people are all heavily traumatized individuals, and instead of healing they’ve worked themselves into a web of control and fatalism. By accepting that suffering as inevitable, they create the suffering of Miles.
As a daughter of a refugee, I grew up hearing the message that suffering made us strong, that it allowed them to be successful. Children who didn’t suffer were spoiled and grew up to be ungrateful wastes to society. I heard stories in my LGBTQ+ community about how young queers take things for granted and don’t understand how hard it once was. And when I suffered myself, I felt a similar urge to say that this suffering made me a better person. And this is so hard to fight because if you acknowledge the suffering wasn’t needed, that means you shouldn’t have had to go through it, that it was unjustified, that it was a random cruelty of the universe. And that is a tough truth to accept, because that means it didn’t have to be that way. Uncle Ben didn’t have to die for Spiderman to live.
In order to let our stories continue, instead of repeating the past, as well as help our communities Across the Spiderverse asks us to let go of the suffering and the belief we needed it. It is not what makes us heroes. It is not what makes us good. Instead, like Miles and Gwen (by the end of the movie), our heroism is in our love and our loved ones, and in the belief that there is a better way.
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voltronisanobsession · 8 months
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Hi!! I have some Dad!Miguel content for you >:)
We all know that Miguel is a very busy man, and I don’t think that would change if he had a kid. So what about teen!reader who got bit by a spider and became spider woman? Reader is recruited to the society without Miguel knowing who we are under the mask. BUT PLOT TWIST!!! We get hurt in a fight and our mask is ruined so he finds out just as we’re passing out from injuries :(((
Happy ending? (Or not, your choice >:) )
Miguel finding out His Kid is a Spider Person
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I just wanna let you know I was listening to what was I made for while writing this JUST TO GET THAT EXTRA ANGST
This one is really long so I hope you don’t mind😜‼️
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HAHAHA I LIKE YOUR THINKING
Like I can imagine Miguel having a kid who has seen EVERYTHING he went through
The loss of his youngest daughter, him spiraling down from grief, knowing their father willingly left for a while just to be able to be with their younger sister in another dimension
Like that shit took a lot from you, making teen!reader feel… unwanted by the end of it all
Imagine this scenario with me
Reader ALREADY knows what’s happening in the other dimension, worried out of their mind, wondering if their dad will make it out alive
Hurt that he just up and left them. You’re sitting in silence when a portal opens, Miguel walking through it, along with other spiders, some limping, others being carried out
As relieving as it is to see your dad ok, you can’t help but feel disappointed, angry,betrayed in a way when you look at him
None of you guys talk about what happened which causes a rift in your relationship
And now that he’s suffered the consequences of a collapsed universe, we all know Miguel is digging himself in more work in the Spider society
He’s still bitter and angry, mostly at himself, and now his main goal is to protect all universes from any anomalies
But that comes at a price of neglecting you, his only child
You continue your life, Miguel rarely coming home most days. You cook for yourself, clean around the house by yourself, taking care of yourself
On a rare day you decide to visit the spider society, you notice a weird flickering coming from an alley way (so original I know)
Unknowingly, you venture through it, only to find the thing causing all the glitching was a small spider. Finding a small container thrown to the side, you try to capture the anomaly, but the spider had incredible speed, running up your arm and under your shirt
You start panicking when you feel it bite you, immediately swatting it away from your neck
After that, the rest is basically history. You’re too afraid to tell ANYONE what happened, especially Miguel. You know how he is, what he thinks of anomalies.
So you go through these changes in quiet. By yourself, again. You learn how to use your new abilities and start making yourself known in your city
While Miguel is busy with the society, you busy yourself as the up and coming spider hero
Of course Miguel catches wind of this, obviously confused on the new spider person lurking in his dimension
With a new mask covering your face, your able to convince (clumsily may I add) your father that you managed to get thrown into this world after a portal opened
This man literally tries sending you back to ‘your real world’ but Jess tells him it’s better to have you in the team
So your spider journey begins! You get your own watch, become friends with the other spiders, hell you even start growing closer to Miguel, your father, but you never, ever take off your mask
The spider mask gives you a new identity, a new confidence that helps build up your relationship with Miguel
You both go on missions together, the older man kinda taking you under his wing
You guys work well together when capturing anomalies
You’re able to joke around him more often, him scoffing at the dumb ones while you laugh
Over time, he grows to enjoy your presence. He becomes kinda protective of you, constantly telling you to be careful when out on missions
He feels a sense of familiarity when around you, though he can never place his finger on why
He just knows you remind him of someone, your laughter so familiar yet not at the same time
You cherish every moment you have with Miguel, whether it’s sitting in silence while he files some paperwork or dragging him to the cafeteria to eat something
And at the end of the day, you wave goodbye to your friends and pretend to go through a portal, only to swing away from the society back to your home in Nueva York
I feel like teen!reader would be a little bitter over their growing relationship with their dad under a different alias
Why couldn’t you have a normal family relationship with him? Did he prefer your spider version over the real you? It’s still you under the mask but would he be the same if he knew? How would he even react if he ever found out it was you under the mask the entire time?
You only start truly panicking when you get seriously injured during a particularly hard mission
Cut deep on your side and mask ripping, you collapse in pain as Miguel runs to you
Your heaving as short and shaky breaths escape your mouth
Miguel tries picking you up only for you to cry out from the movement
Everything crumbles around you as your dad tries to remove your ruined mask to let you breathe more easily
You stop him from pulling up your mask with a shaky hand, fear laced in your voice
He would look down in worry, you seemed more scared of him seeing your face than of the wound gushing with blood
“Please. Don’t.”
“You need air. I promise I won’t let anyone see your face.”
You breathing quickens as he takes off the mask, your eyes closed in shame, tears falling down like a waterfall
You blearily blink your eyes to look at him, his shocked face the last thing you see before passing out, whether from the pain or from the intense emotions you felt is anyone’s guess
I think after taking you back to headquarters, Miguel would be super conflicted on how to approach the situation
In fact, he’s at a loss for words on what to do
He hadn’t seen you in a long time, but now knowing you were right in front of him the entire time
He would feel ashamed. How could he not know it was you the entire time? Did he even know his own child at this point? What kind of father was he?
When you wake up, there is only two ways this can go
A LOT of talking gonna happen. Maybe even some yelling from both parties
It might end in tears and regret, or it might end in tears and anger
Miguel doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore, and you don’t know to express yourself without bursting into tears
I’ll leave the rest into interpretation for you guys, it really depends on who starts the conversation
It’s either Miguel’s regret or your anger
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maevelin · 29 days
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Colin Bridgerton needs to suffer meta.
Wait...wait...hear me out first!
I am one of those fans that want to see Colin Bridgerton SUFFER for Penelope yes. BUT with good reason I promise.
Because aside from the book material here in the show Colin had a different path in some stories. He believed himself to be in love and got heartbroken because of it.
He actually needs to feel that burn, that suffering to realize what being truly in love actually means. To actually feel there is no comparison to the real thing. To feel that what he believed being in love meant was not actually real or comparable in any form or way with what he is capable of feeling...for Penelope. (Book reference: This was Penelope...and this was love.)
No one can blame him for seeing Penelope as a friend so far. I think that is understandable but he also is a man who has had privilege in all his life, he has traveled the world from his secure place and is oblivious when it comes to certain things. He is a great guy, loving, devoted, honorable, a flirt and whatnot, but in order to mature he needs to go through some serious introspection. He does need to find his purpose and I would like to see that too in this season (himself as -book spoiler- an aspiring writer too).
I also want him to feel the pain and the struggle that comes with the LW reveal for him to realize that when we speak about a love of the magnitude he feels for Penelope not even what he deems as betrayal can make him give her up. It just does not matter. He will defend her no matter what, he will love her no matter what.
Let me quote Doctor Who for you (yes again):
"You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything I ever stood for. You let me down!.... Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?”
THIS is what and who Colin Bridgerton is for Penelope but to get there he first has to realize it and for that he needs a shock. HE NEEDS THE DRAMA. He is a Bridgerton guys if he is not a messy drama queen who suffers then what is the point? lol... Colin needs to have that maelstrom of emotion. The whirlwind. The pain, the jealousy, the YEARNING, the realization. He needs to be brought down on his knees (I do not oppose to the literal thing btw lol) before he rises again. Stronger than ever. And on the ready to protect his WIFE.
There is just no other way. And I will sure enjoy this because this...is what falling in love is and this season is about romance and Mr. Colin Bridgerton is our MALE LEAD HERO and as SUCH I want him to earn his position which means: HE IS OUR BELOVED IDIOT! YES HE IS GONNA SUFFER. YES I WILL CHEER FOR IT. YES I WILL BE HAPPY FOR MY GIRL PENELOPE AS THIS HAPPENS. YES TO ALL!
IT IS TIME!
I waited long enough! Now bring me season 3!
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autistichalsin · 5 months
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One of the most beautiful and understated parts of Halsin's arc is meaning.
In addition to showing kindness- like I mentioned in an earlier post- Halsin's love of nature symbolizes how he finds meaning in small things. It's why he loves honey; it's his little indulgence. It's why he loves ducks, whittling, and whittling ducks; because ducks are migratory birds, but they remind him of finding home.
In nature, Halsin sees life lessons. He sees meaning. He sees strength and protection and love in bears, he sees journeys and homecomings i ducks, he sees joy and simplicity in dogs. He sees strength and resilience and even beauty in trees, beginnings in roots, and wonder in the sky. It all has a meaning to him.
Even less happy things he acknowledges; he sees death as just as important as life, chaos as a necessary counter to order to keep balance (befitting his Druidic beliefs). He sees those who hate small talk as just as worthy of consideration as those who share his own love of rambling, and he sees monogamy as having just as much of a place in the world as polyamory even if the former will never be for him. Everything has a place, and he sees that.
He sees meaning in both the big and small things. He knows there is an underlying message behind so many actions and thoughts and beliefs, and those are important to him. He sees meaning in everything in the natural world, viewing it as a bounty from his deity.
And that actually reflects in his repeated choices to show kindness. It's his way of seeing the meaning of a child's laugh or a refugee's plight and knowing how to respond. It's part of why he's so flexible, because all of the different perspectives and attitudes matter to him.
I find it very telling that in the cut scenes where the characters would have been taunted in the Morphic Pool by hallucinations sent by the brain to dig in to their insecurities, Halsin's was saying that everything was meaningless. That the world should be allowed to burn while Halsin should give up. The taunt would have shown Halsin's struggles at that point in his life- his fight against cynicism (having given up cynicism around the age of 200), his frustrations with the ways cruelty is allowed to flourish (like his heartbreaking comments if Orin kills Yenna in the camp or his comments on the plight of the orphans in the city), his worries that perhaps his efforts are Archdruid were meaningless because he had few successes to show for his efforts. That image would have shown just who Halsin is- someone who wants so desperately, for better and worse, for everything to mean something.
And in overcoming it, Halsin would have shown one of his most beautiful traits- the ability to enact change in subtle ways, not obvious ones. Not in being a war hero or a folk legend, but in making his own meaning, for himself, and often for others too. When he sees children suffering, he makes a community where he can care for them. When he sees a Shadow Curse blight the land for 100 years while no one cares enough to fight it, he holds hope until he can break it himself. When others mock him for being a bear-man who loves honey, he indulges just as much, reasoning that as long as others are affected, he has a right to enjoy himself. When others sigh that he's talking about nature, again, and maybe he should talk about art instead, he turns it back to nature and saying that a tree is one of the most splendorous things in the world. When Halsin is, in his bad ending, left in the Shadow-Cursed Lands to try and break the curse on his own, he finds hope in his brief memories of traveling with the party, using those to sustain himself.
He makes his own meaning of the world. He refuses to believe that it's all without a purpose, even when he's miserable at the Grove or when he has no idea what his purpose is anymore once he breaks the Shadow Curse. He knows there's an answer- and if he can't find it readily, he will make it himself, and that's exactly why he ends up making a commune for those in need in the end, where he is adored by children and presumably adults alike.
Everything and everyone is important to him. He's a sentimental being at heart in a world that wants more than anything to toughen him up and stamp that out of him, and he refuses., and his devotion to kindness and meaningfulness are why he ends up so happy in his ending.
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I think the only right way for Damian to become Batman is much slower than everyone thinks
Just image: Damian in the future as a veterinary student, slowly distancing himself from the world of vigilantes and Bruce, an old man, with aching and tired bones, who has suffered with chronic pain for years (you'll have to take chronic pain Bruce Wayne and Jason Todd headcanon from my cold dead hands) getting ready to go on patrol once again. There are a series of murders happening and he wants to investigate
And Damian goes into the cave (maybe to take care of Batcow) and see the scene. He feels sorry for his father, Bruce's love for Gotham cursed him and now Gotham was slowly killing him. Then Damian calmly approaches and gently pushes his father into the chair. And in a tired voice Damian says:
“Leave this to me today, father, take your medicine and rest.” "No, Damian. You have to go to college today"
"Gotham is my city too, they're my people too...and they still need Batman"
Damian also knows that Dick has his own city to worry about; that Jason is busy on some mission around the world; that Steph is too tired for this; that Tim is too attached to the Robin mantle for that; that Duke recently had a child with his wife; that Cassandra is now a renowned ballet teacher and Damian doesn't want to get in the way of his siblings' lifes. He knows that if he asked, someone would accept, but everyone is so happy now, it took so long for them to reach that moment... Damian then decides to sacrifice himself that night.
Only that night
He will becomes Batman just that night, so his father can rest, he makes it clear that he will only do it that night
"Don't get used to it, father, it's just for today"
But that news spreads like fire. Even Jon and the other heroes start to inform Damian about things that happen (Batman still is very important in the Justice League) and Damian? Damian ignores
He goes through the messages, emails and claims he only did it once and never again. He forwards everything to Bruce, not wanting to get more involved than is convenient
but then the next month, Bruce has another rough night and Damian takes up the mantle again. This becomes a strange habit between the two of them, slowly and silence, one night a week... two nights a week...
The biggest change happens when Bruce is seriously injured fighting someone much stronger (and younger) in the sewers of Gotham. Damian had an important test at college and Bruce didn't want to call him, it wasn't fair to push that on Damian when the boy made it clear that he didn't want the mantle. So Bruce lies there for hours, in the midst of pain and dirt trying to reorganize his mind until Damian appears, the youngest son noticed that his father hadn't come home yet so he got worried and went after him.
Damian and Bruce open a pact that night, Bruce would stay in the cave supervising and Damian would work in the field
This works very well at first but soon Damian comes home to see his father sleeping, and it becomes a routine. Damian is happy that his father trusts him enough to sleep while his son is on patrol, that's good
the truth only shocks Damian when at a league meeting Jon refers to him as Batman, not Robin or Damian, no. Batman. The Batman.
and even though many people believe that he became Batman out of neopotism, the truth is much more different and sad than that. He became Batman through his own choices and effort, to protect his tired father and also to protect Gotham. Because, in the end, Damian learned to love Gotham the same way Bruce loved it.
Note: I love imagining this old Bruce slowly realizing how unfair he was to Damian his early days, how Bruce only saw Damian as a spoiled brat, a monster covered in blood and mud instead of helping him like Dick, Alfred and Steph did . I love imagining old Bruce kicking himself for not noticing Damian's gentle, compassionate side sooner. Side that was underneath all the anger, dirt and trauma
And also Bruce realizing that Damian is as gentle to people as Talia was in the past Note²: I'm not trying to villainize Bruce and sanctify Damian; Damian did a lot of things, but he was a ten year old child who didn't know how to deal with the world (+brainwashed by a cult) and Bruce was a grown ass man who had been dealing with traumatized people for many years, Bruce should have been more patient with Damian but you still have time now Bruce, you can do it. I believe on you, you can still be a good father
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manias-wordcount · 4 months
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I hope you are doing good! And if requests are open might i request some hc of dabi, bakugo, and spike spiegel (its first boyfriend requester again sorry ;w;) reacting to reader who dresses up like them for halloween (or for spike reader dresses like cowboy andy hahaha)
Dressing Up Like Him HCs (Katsuki Bakugo, Dabi, Spike Spiegel)
𝗔/𝗡: 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗼!
𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗯 𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁: @dogsandrocketsocks @pittbull-enthusiast @asuperconfusedgirl @rendartgrimson
𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩
𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?
𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?
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Dabi/Touya Todoroki
He’s gonna think you’re sooo cute lmaoo
He’ll tell you that too but only once or twice - he doesn't want it to get to your head
Chances are you’re probably wearing his clothes and string bean here long as fuck so it’s likely too big for you in certain ways
But he really likes the look of you in one of his shirts and his jackets (You look ridiculous in his pants because of just how ill-fitted they are on you but that’s beside the point)
The only thing that really throws him off is seeing the staples and skin graft scars on you
It’s a crude emulation of his actual skin grafts made from makeup and face paint, but it served as a weird and startling reminder of just how fragile you compared to him
The pain he suffered as a result of his own flames was hard enough but the idea of going through the same pain and process as him? No thanks 
So in the end, he’s gonna think you look cute and will definitely let you borrow one of his jackets anytime you ask because he likes how you look in them
But don’t show him what you’d look like when you’re hurt okay? 
Because who knows what he’d do if he saw you hurt like that for real
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Katsuki Bakugo
Even since his debut, Halloween costumes of his hero costume have been pretty hard to come by
So you were pretty lucky to be able to snag a more feminine-looking costume a couple of years after his debut
It wasn’t the greatest material and there were definitely some details that they just didn’t get right (And you know he’d have something to say about the costume creators once he finds out later)
But seeing his face when you showed him the costume was more than enough for you to be satisfied
So naturally, he’s going to be super cocky and like grinning ear to ear like a complete dumbass
Like seeing his SO dress up exactly like him in a cuter version of his costume is really gonna make him happy because that ego is still a little unchecked
But he’s also gonna feel extremely proud
He knew of the existence of the halloween costumes and he knew he had fans
But something about seeing the person he loves most dressing up like him in a show of admiration and affection is probably gonna make him feel all soft and squishy and sweet on the inside
Not that he’d ever admit that though
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Spike Spiegel
At first, he’s gonna be mad because the outfit absolutely reminds him of Andy
But then you hit in with the
“I’m a cowboy Spike! I’m just like you!”
And he’s gonna fucking melt
Suddenly all negative feelings he has about cowboys are being washed away by the image of you looking like you walked fresh off the set of Big Shots
Because he’s him, he gonna mess around with your hat and make you pose and say certain things from old western movies with a drawl
He might even sneak a couple of photos here and there (or he’s gonna be completely shameless about it and take candid photos of you looking cute right in front of your face)
And eventually, he’ll probably hit you with his signature snark and tell you that he doesn’t dress anything like that
But he won’t be quick to ruin your fun though - he’s got a lot more compliments to shower you with
Especially since you dress up like all for him
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luveline · 2 years
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hi could you write something with Eddie Munson x reader who has acne and is insecure about it? thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️
tysm for your request! tw body insecurity ♡ fem!reader | 1.5k words
Slurpees. The ultimate treasure of summer. Well, besides Eddie, your reluctant yet doting chauffeur. 
"Do we need to get slurpees every single day?" he asks, shoulder against the door. You skirt around him with a grateful smile, straw between your lips. 
"'We' don't need to to do anything," you say after a refreshing sip. 
"And let you drink alone?" he jokes.  
"My hero," you murmur around your straw. You refuse to get back in his van straight away, worried that the heat will bake you into a crisp. 
You set yourself down on the sidewalk, cold under your naked thighs from the shade. Your cup drips condensation down the valley of your chest and you shiver, dipping your chin down to watch it disappear. 
"It's a nice dress," Eddie says, sitting heavily beside you. He's dressed in a similar fashion, little clothing – or as little as his sense of style allows. A Metallica t-shirt that's tight to his distracting biceps and black jeans. 
You reach your hand out to feel the fabric, find his knee warm beneath your palm. 
"How can you wear these? They steal all the sun." 
"What would you have me wear?" he asks theatrically, lifting his chin like he's dying to know the answer. 
"Shorts." 
"Shorts!" He laughs, and then, "No," much more serious. "I don't think so." 
You shuffle closer across the sidewalk, the curb a bump under your thighs as you peer into his cup. 
"Wanna try it?" he asks. 
Eddie has an obsession with mixing flavours. A rainbow seeping into muddy brown glares at you. You take a sip despite its less than persuasive appearance and wince as you pull back. 
"Sweet," you say, licking your lips. 
"It's mostly cherry," he says. 
"I can tell." 
Eddie's eyes flit to your cup and you hold it up to his lips. Yours is evidently much nicer. His eyes soften, his lashes dark and long and twitching with pleasure. 
"Wanna trade?" 
"Drop dead," you say quickly. 
Eddie stares at you with wide eyes and you stare back until he breaks, laughing his awfully endearing laugh, a peel of boyish giggles wherein he ducks his face into your bare shoulder. His lips are cold as they brush the beginning of the curve of your neck. 
"Good thing I'm a masochist, sweetheart. You're mean."
"I learned it all from you." 
He kisses your shoulder and you shiver with happiness, his hair tickling you lightly as he says, "Yeah, you did. Sometimes I wish I hadn't teased you so badly at first. Maybe you'd be sweeter." 
You pretend that you don't know he's only kidding. "You don't think I'm sweet?" 
His lips part. The tip of his nose glides over your skin as he gives you a short, open-mouthed kiss.  "As sugar." 
You're glad he can't see your face. You smile like an idiot, stirring your slurpee to give the illusion you're more than a lovesick fool. 
He lifts his head. You can feel his gaze on your face and feel suddenly insecure but he doesn't say anything. Not that you were expecting him to be mean, or that he hasn't seen your acne before, but the summer heat makes you sweat and the sweat worsens your skin. You've been flaring up for a week. Angry, sore patches decorate your skin under a thin layer of powder that doesn't do what you want it to do. 
You turn your face away from him. You can't withstand the weight of his gaze, not whilst knowing how bad you look. 
You take a big sip of slurpee and Eddie follows suit, his hand creeping onto your knee. He squeezes. 
"What do you wanna do now you've had your fix?" he asks eventually, his fingers too warm on your leg.
"It's getting pretty late. Maybe I should go home." 
He groans and tips his head back. You can't help but look at him, hungry to see the shape of his throat and his Adam's apple. He's always hot when he sulks though you'd never tell him for fear of increasing his ego, or worse the teasing you'd suffer. 
"Sleep over," he says. 
"I can't," you say. 
He drops his head back down, pouting. "Why?" 
You stab your slurpee, mixing the ice at the top with the flavour pooling at the bottom. "'Cos I'd have to take off my makeup before we go to bed." 
Your admission is met with a small silence and then a very Eddie sigh. Fond, perplexed, slightly exasperated. 
"Why's that matter?" he asks. 
"You know why." 
"I know that I love how you look without make-up," he says. He doesn't miss a beat. 
"It's… It's been really bad. My skin."  
"Can I tell you something? And don't- don't take this for what it isn't, I think you're beautiful, but I've noticed that it's worse lately." 
You feel a little bit like you've been stabbed. Of course he's noticed – it's hard not to, especially when you're always in such close proximity to one another. It still feels awful. 
"I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to say that," he says quickly, his voice high and strung out.
You sound the same. "No, I get it. It's disgusting. Impossible not to notice." 
"Hey," he says, putting his slurpee down between his shoes. "That's not it. It's not disgusting." 
"It is." 
"It isn't. Nothing about you is disgusting." 
You frown at your knees. Eddie's hand chases up your thigh as he turns his body to yours. 
"Here, look at me." 
You worry you'll burst into tears if you talk so you don't as you turn to him again. He dips his head towards his chest and holds eye contact, eyebrows rising. 
"I don't want you to think you have to hide it from me. I see it and it doesn't make you any less pretty." 
You swallow around the lump in your throat, hands damp and squeezing uselessly at your drink.
He grasps your thigh and gives you a good shake. "Do you know what I'm saying? You're beautiful, capital B, and if wearing makeup is making it worse you don't have to do it for my sake." 
"It's not just for you. It's for everybody. I don't-" you roll your eyes at yourself and sniff, infuriated with how emotional you are. "I can't look at myself when I don't have it on." 
"That's a real shame, sweetheart," he says quietly.
"Yeah," you mutter. 
You tap your knees together.
"I could do it." 
You squint at him. "What?" 
"If you're finding it hard to look at yourself, I'll do it. I fucking love looking at you." 
"Eddie." 
"I'm serious." He picks up his slurpee cup and takes a sip for dramatic effect, straw still in his mouth as he says, "I'll work for free." 
"I bet you would." 
He slams the cup down on the ground so hard that brown slushy hits the curved lid. "Is that sarcasm? Are you being sarcastic with me?" 
"Guilty," you say. You smile, endeared with his melodrama. 
He smiles like you've given him everything he's ever wanted and it's awful and you want to rub your wet hand over his cute face to wipe it away. He mistakes your attack for a forthcoming embrace and grins, tucking his head against yours, his arms wrapping around your waist. You can feel the muscle of his bicep flex under your own as you slide it around his neck in reaction, your slurpee haphazardly pushed away.
"You're so pretty," he half-whispers, incredulous. "I don't get how you can't see that." 
You tuck your face in his neck. His curls hide you from view. It's a short relief.
"Stay the night?" he asks, his hand at the nape of your neck. 
You sigh. You really, really want to. 
"You're sure it doesn't gross you out?" 
"Fucking positive, babe." You deliberate. He gives you a light squeeze. "Got a TV dinner with your name on it." 
You're cursing yourself internally as you give in. "What are we having?"
He presses a kiss to your neck, pleased as punch to have his way, and pulls back to see your face. "We're having whatever you want. Swedish meatballs, chicken pot pie," he starts to list your options, dragging, 
"Mac and cheese?" you ask. 
"You want mac and cheese? We'll go to Bradley's right now and get you some mac and cheese." He holds you at arm's length. "I'm a firm believer in pretty girls getting everything they want." 
"I bet." 
"Again with the sarcasm." He gives your face an adoring once over and drops his hold on you in favour of his cup, staggering to his feet. "Awesome. Get in the van. I'm not above manhandling you." 
You stay sitting and grin up at him. He flicks condensation at you. "Get up!" 
"You'll have to manhandle me." 
"Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Sicko. Finish your drink and let's go." 
You don't rush.
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eve-was-framed · 10 months
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okay this is gonna be a bit of a long rant (with some SA and CSA mentions so pls don’t read if that will be too much for you rn) but I’ve been thinking a lot about the “male loneliness epidemic” lately and I have some Thoughts ™
we live in very isolating, depressing and scary times. we live in a hyper-individualistic capitalist hellscape that seems to punish people who need community support. and I truly believe that we as humans should try to help each other out in the ways that we are able to.
but I lose 100% of my empathy for lonely depressed men when they start using their own personal issues as an excuse to peddle ideologies that advocate for rape, pedophilia, child marriage, sexual slavery, and even murder of women and girls. I don’t fucking care how sad you are, if you advocate for other humans beings to be subjected to the cruelest treatment possible then you either need to get serious help or die (and not take anyone with you when you do).
you do not have a fucking paramount on suffering. you are not the only ones who experience loneliness. I know you think women get to just pick and choose whichever romantic partner/friends we want, but that is false, and also being seen as nothing but a sex object by men is so incredibly isolating too. that’s not real love and connection, that’s only being valued for what we can provide for men. so many people feel so alone and it genuinely is a big problem.
I was raised in an extremely misogynistic cult that preaches that grown men are not responsible for anything they do to little girls bc “they’re wired that way.” I had very bad things happen to me before I was even old enough to realize what it meant. and you know what the excuse always is? “well it happened to him when he was younger too so he can’t help that he does it to you.” I learned very early that male suffering is viewed as more important than the suffering they inflict on innocent people. and despite going through this, despite seeing nearly every woman in my life go through something similar, despite all of this, I still would never ever sympathize with any ideology that preaches rape, slavery, sex trafficking, pedophilia, white supremacy, etc. and that doesn’t make me some super hero, it makes me a mildly normal person.
so no, nobody “pushed” you into your evil ideologies, nobody made you do that. if true suffering at the hands of the opposite sex is really the root cause of inceldom then almost every single woman I know would be the most insane incel you’d ever meet in your entire life. but they’re not, even though many of them are lonely and long for true companionship, none of them feel so angry and entitled to it that they want to murder and rape men or little boys. not a single one. the root cause of inceldom is, and always has been, male entitlement. men who were raised to believe the world and every woman in it exists to serve them in some way, but then grew up and realized that actually nobody is owed sex and you don’t get to force women to marry you and have kids, because we are human beings who deserve to be happy too. and this makes them so mad that they start thinking it’s okay to do whatever they want to whoever they want, because after all, nobody on planet earth could ever suffer as much as incels do when a woman tells them no.
I’m fucking sick of it. stop saying “they pushed me to this” and start taking even an ounce of accountability for your deranged, entitled mindset.
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