DAY 19: "you deserve this"
Harrison’s phantom pain had been absolute murder all day. He didn’t know why, but nothing was working to fix it, every step on that leg was agony, like a hot knife twisting in flesh that wasn’t there. He struggled through work, even the complex cases that usually took his mind off it not working anymore. He finally finished, managing to get away on time for once.
He must have sat in his car for close to half an hour, his head resting on the steering wheel, before he felt able to drive. His painkillers had done nothing, not even scratched the surface. It was exhausting. He managed to make it home, just about, glad the drive was short.
He just had to hope the kids were settled, because he really didn’t have the energy to deal with them tonight. He was greeted by the dog as he got in, which managed to make him smile, at least. He fussed him a little, but his heart wasn’t really in it, and he headed down the hall to dump his keys and bag. Tai emerged from the kitchen, having heard the door go but not Hars call out. A hand on his shoulder, he pressed a kiss to his cheek. His boyfriend looked like shit, pale and standing uncomfortably, like he couldn’t take weight through his prosthetic.
“You alright?” He asked gently.
Harrison sighed, forcing a smile. "Just phantoms."
“Been a bad day?”
"That obvious?"
“I know you too well. Food is nearly ready, did you want to get your leg off and go and lie down if it’ll help? I can bring dinner up to you.”
"What about everything else?"
“Don’t worry about it.”
"You can't just do it all."
“I’ve not been at work all day, I can handle it. Go on, go and get some compression on it.”
"Alright. Thank you." He didn't have the strength to fight it.
Tai kissed him again quickly. “Love you.”
"Love you too." He murmured. He took his time heading upstairs, the climb absolute murder.
Tai watched him go up the stairs, then headed back into the kitchen to finish cooking. He explained to the boys that their dad wasn’t feeling well, and that he wanted some quiet and some time to himself. They seemed sad, but Kieran nodded, looking wise beyond his years, and said they’d try and be quiet.
When dinner was ready, Tai took a plate up to Harrison, knocking softly on the door before he pushed it open.
Harrison had settled in bed, wrapped up in the duvet and trying to make himself feel better. It hadn’t worked yet, and his pain meds still hadn’t kicked in.
“I’ve got dinner for you.” Tai said gently.
"Oh. Thanks."
“The boys wanted to say hi but I said you needed a bit of quiet.” Tai sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out for Harrison.
"They deserve better than me."
“Don’t be daft.”
"I'm not."
“You’re an amazing dad to them.”
"I can't be a dad.'
“Why not?”
"Look at me." He murmured, choosing Tai over the food.
“Stunningly handsome doctor who spends all day helping others even when he’s in pain? Disgusting, how horrible.”
"Yeah, leave me for him."
“Except he’s right here in my bed.”
"Where is he?"
“He’s you, idiot.”
He kissed Tai’s cheek. "Idiot is more like it."
“I can forgive the idiot, you are dating me after all.”
Harrison hummed. "I'm glad you'd forgive me."
“Of course I would. Are you gonna eat?”
"You?" He managed to tease. "I'll do that."
“Food first.” Tai said. “Then if you’re feeling better later I’m not going to stop you.”
He laughed. "I'd never say no."
“Have something to eat, then?”
"Have you had something?" He asked, taking a mouthful.
“I need to, mine’s waiting downstairs.” Tai admitted.
"Oh, go get yours."
“Figured you still might want some peace and quiet after a busy ED. The boys are behaving, though.”
"They can come up if you need five minutes?"
“No, it’s okay. Why don’t I leave you to it an’ I’ll come see you in a bit?”
"Don't be forever? I've missed you."
“I won’t be forever. I’ll eat and then try and get the boys to bed.”
"Thank you."
“Love you.” Tai said gently, kissing his cheek before he headed out of the room. He ate, tidied the kitchen, and spent a little bit of time with the boys before it was time to start getting them ready for bed. It was a little like herding cats, and harder without Harrison, but he was used to it by now, given Harrison’s frequent night shifts. All of them trooped in to say goodnight to their dad, and Taidgh managed to get teeth brushed and everyone in bed in reasonable time. He’d even managed to make sure everyone got the right meds, including himself. That was an achievement in of itself.
He finally could join Harrison then, settling on the bed next to him with a happy sigh.
“How’s the pain now? Still just as bad?”
"Better now you're back."
He smiled. “How was dinner?”
"Amazing. Way better than I'd have made."
“Glad you liked it.” Tai murmured. “Can I see if I can help?”
"I'd say chop it off but that's already happened."
“I’m no surgeon.” He said. “But I can try?”
"Chop more of it off, go for it."
“Try and make it better.”
"I'll stop being an arse. If you want to, you can."
Tai hummed, pulling the covers back. “Just shout if you want me to stop.”
Harrison snickered. "Sure."
“You know what I mean.”
"I will."
“Relax back, close your eyes?”
He did as he was told, for all of thirty seconds. He propped himself up on his elbows and narrowed his eyes. "What are you gonna do?"
Tai laughed. “I was gonna try some massage, see if it would help the phantom.”
"Alright." He slowly lay back down. "Just be gentle."
Tai kissed his knee. “Promise.”
"Mm, okay."
Gently, Tai worked over Harrison’s stump, hoping the sensation of his hands would help the phantom pain. He knew things would be sore after a long day at work too, muscles tight and tender.
"God, where have you been all my life?"
He laughed. “Ireland, for most of it.”
Harrison found himself joining in on the laughter, the tension draining from him. It just added to the affection Harrison felt for Tai, and he made a happy noise.
“Helping? Reminding your brain that leg isn’t there anymore?”
"Reminding something that needs to be listening." He mumbled. "Haven't got a brain."
“Careful, talk like that would get you kicked out of clinic.” He teased. “But it feels good, right?”
"Makes me wish I had the rest of my leg." He said, almost starting to drift.
“I’m not that good.” Tai admitted. “But I’m glad I’m helping. You deserve this, you deserve to be out of pain.”
"This is that good." He murmured. "Thank you. Honestly, thank you."
“You know I’d do anything for you.”
"I would for you, too."
“Cute.”
"Don't be patronising!"
“I was teasing!”
"Sounds the same." He laughed.
Tai paused after a moment, his hands stilling. “I’m sorry you’ve had a tough day, though.”
"You've made it better."
“Good. You deserve it.”
"Love you."
“Love you too.”
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