#I am possibly a bit emotional because of how crappy it was with the whole gregor thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shtern-and-art · 3 years

Note

"Skeppy will probably cry" "Bad will probably cry". Bish, screw, that I am crying!!!

This whole thing was bloody gorgeous and I wasn't expecting that ending. I had no clue what ending to expect but that was definitely better than any I could have hoped for. Forest spirit to soulmate your honour!

I was terrified that you were gonna leave it at the point where he loses the spirit and becomes mortal again. If you had I would be actively sobbing!!!! And oh my god, the art!!! I still can't get over how wonderful your style is.

Imma ask fun things because if I don't I'll sit in a puddle of emotion all night:

What's the first tech thing Bad will buy and how annoying will he be about it? Poor Skeppy trying to answer 101 questions about something he doesn't really use XD.

Is no one concerned that the odd couple from a town they never name has a pet wolf??

Do they immediately go over to a different town or do they wander for a while. Find hidden creeks and befriend bears?

Does Bad still have a connection to nature and animals, like are creatures naturally more trusting of him?

Do they ever visit the og town again?

Does Skeppy still cause absolute chaos in other towns or has he learnt his lesson and only causes minor trouble now?

Does Bad ever try and study again? If he did what would he study and would Skeppy try to study as well?

Does Skeppy steal? I dunno, he just give off the vibe of a naughty lil trickster who'll pocket something if the owner refuses to sell it him.

Immediately after leaving the forest what the first 'argument' they have (not including the car one)?

Would they ever ride horse? If yes, how terrified would Skeppy be?

Skeppy falls outta tree. I don't know why but my mind keeps telling me that this man has great balance until he climbs trees. They are his mortal enemy and Bad finds this both hilarious and terrifying because he is going to hurt himself.

I had waaaaay more questions than I intended to have. My bad '^_^ but this story was way too much fun to read and you are entirely to blame for making it so engaging!

Make sure to take care of yourself and do stretches after and during drawing. You don't wanna hurt yourself <3

AaaaI’m so glad you liked it! :D And, dang, man, I cried while writing that part too :D

And I promised a nice ending for the main story, I did, and this one also makes the most sense narratively! For the story I wanted to tell, at least. Bad can’t really become human again, he’s changed to much. He can only move on, and do something with what he is, and has. And he did! :D That’s really nice and inspiring, this story will always have a place in my heart, heheh <3

Being a guardian spirit connected to a person and all, Bad may be not as strong as before, but he can’t die unless Skeppy dies first. And Skeppy can do that, but he’s pretty sturdy, and his lifespan operates on a whole other scale than human ones. And Bad knowing Skeppy’s real name balances it all out, makes them equal in the power and influence they have over each other.

So hellyeah, soulmates for the win :DDD

I’ll answer all questions under the cut, and this close up from one of the pages!

1) What's the first tech thing Bad will buy and how annoying will he be about it?

Probably a pager! Because it’s a more feasible thing to get than a wholeass computer Bad actually wanted :D An it means Skeppy will have to get one too, and that Bad will be having the time of his life texting him and everyone he can get a number from, even if they’re still in the room with him.

Poor Skeppy indeed, he can learn to appreciate the pagers, and later phones, too, and computers, but he really has 0 idea on how it all works and why Bad is so fascinated by it all.

2) Rat and regular people

Oh, she can shapeshift, just like Bad! If they’re out with people around, she takes form of a puppy, and Bad can pass her off as a weird mix breed rescue doggo.

3) Do they immediately go over to a different town or do they wander for a while?

Oh, since they have no end destination in mind, they can ride around for a bit, go visit some cool places and roadside attractions. Sadly, Skeppy is probably not spiritually or morally ready to full on befriend wild bears yet, and they do need money for gas and snacks. So, at some point they will have to stop somewhere and find work – at least for a bit, to save up. Life’s gonna be a bit complicated with all that, until Skeppy figures out his treasure-finding abilities :DD

4) Bad and nature and animals

He is definitely still in tune with all wildlife! Even more – Bad could become a proper guardian spirit for Skeppy in part because, in a way, Skeppy himself is part of the nature.

So yeah, Bad can understand animals (and plants) and communicate with them; they’re just more free to not take his shit, and Bad’s emotions do not “possess” them unless he makes an effort to do so.

He doesn’t like doing it, tho.

5) Do they ever visit the og town again?

Hm, I think they will completely forget about it for a while, until, like, 30+ years later they will be going somewhere, and find themselves around those parts. And they try to not appear too often in the areas they’ve spent a lot of time in already (they can be pretty recognizable, and also barely show signs of aging). But it’s been a long time, and the town’s really different now… So they make a stop, and spend a day there. They walk the unfamiliar streets between the new buildings, check out the popular hiking trail, the advertisements for hot springs and winter activities. The old cinema is still there, and is hosting an all-night marathon of classic horror movies of the last century.

Bad and Skeppy leave the town after sunset – the day was nice, but they have nothing more to do there. They ride through the forest on a well paved road, with radio playing something barely above the whisper. And in the dark of hot summer night, Bad can see the white stag running between the trees alongside their car. Shadows dance over the shimmering light of it’s fur.

Somewhere after the towns border, the stag disappears back in the forest. But the air in the car stays light and fresh, saving the smell of old pines and dry leaves all though the night.

6) Skeppy and chaos

Well, after the whole mess in the main story, Skeppy definitely learned some lessons, especially about not being a dick :D

But the thing is – he can’t really help the fact that things tend to stir up around him a lot. He naturally brings in chaos into everything, because he is, in part, a personification, or an outlet for it in the world. And so, to feel, well and good, and himself Skeppy gotta do stuff that disrupts balance, and creates some mayhem. And in gave him a lot of trouble in early life, but in the course of the main story he learned that he can chose were he lets that chaos to take hold, learned what can come of that chaos, apart from utter misery.

Like, where it can help dismantle something destructive, and where – bring in the more positive change, that was already brewing, possible, but is stagnant for some reason.

Soooo, I can’t say Skeppy causes only minor chaos in his life, but he sure learns even more about not being a dick :DDDD

7) The studying

I think Bad will want to get a higher education at some point, because he wanted to, and because it’s already new millennia and all that. Bet he’ll go for something very technical and/or literature. Maybe he’ll start by piking up some classes in small time colleges, when they stop in one place for a while, and later get into an online program, because why not.

Skeppy is not a college guy at all. He’ll listen to Bad talk about it, read textbooks if he wants to, can research stuff, buuut going to classes and doing homework is definitely not his thing.

8) Stealing

Well, you’re right, Skeppy can and will steal stuff out of spite! And will be scolded by Bad for it, and will not feel (that) sorry about it. But real stealer between them will be Bad himself :D

It’s just… he has the corvid tendencies, and a hoard (a box) of sentimental mementos from different people and events, and the thrill of stealing something small and harmless is very exciting. Bad is very proud of his little collection. Skeppy finds it very adorable, a bit hypocritical, and kinda creepy. Like, that pretty box he gifted Bad at some point is now full of stuff like:

- pressed flower from the clearing they had a picnic at on their anniversary

- the button the waitress lost that one day the storm caused a black out in the whole town

- some small animal bones

- couple pretty rocks Bad stole from Skeppy’s pockets

- penny that was once glued to the ground

- a handful of teeth people (and not people) lost in fights with Bad

- pen from some fancy hotel

- rainbow dash keychain that belonged to a child

- the list goes on

9) Argument

Oh, that same day they’ll fight over whether they should stay at the really crappy and suspicious looking motel, or go sleep in a perfectly fine forest near the road. Ironically, Bad wanted to try out the motel (because, yay, first time spending the night back in civilization), and Skeppy was the one insisting on sleeping in nature (because the motel looks like it could give you 10 diseases if you even stand near it, and sleeping in the forest is kind of nice, and means they can cuddle).

10) Horses

The guys will probably ride them at some point. Well, Bad will ride, and Skeppy will sit on his horse and hope it knows what to do and where to go, because trying to make this giant thing do something seems dangerous. If they’ll have to actually go somewhere fast, Skeppy will not survive that day, his butt (and legs) will be dead for days to come.

And riding with Bad on one horse may sound romantic and nice, but all romance dies when the gallop starts.

11) Skeppy and climbing

Skeppy is more down to earth kind of guy, more of a “rocks and caves” kind of creature, real-life lizard person or something. Up on the trees and in the air – not really his element, yeah. But it doesn’t mean that Skeppy will accept this fact easy. The embarrassment of never managing to safely make it down a tree is too strong, he just has to do it all over again, and again. And again. Because, clearly, he was distracted this time. And the time before that Bad was teasing him, and it “disrupted his flow”. And, really, maybe these trees here just do not like Skeppy much, and make him slip a lot. Yeah.

So, more often than not, if Skeppy climbs a tree, he will not stop climbing it until he falls, or the tree ends. Bad had to take him off high branches couple times, forcefully, because, of course, Skeppy was sitting there for 2 hours just to properly enjoy the sunset. He can climb down at any point, he just Choses not to. The view is amazing. The bark is literally part of his skin now, not because he holds on tight, no, he’s just Than Much one with the nature )<

---

Don’t apologize for the questions! It’s always so fun to answer them, and it makes me think more about stuff I may have skipped, or didn’t think about before. It’s really nice :3c

Again, thank you for the ask, and for being here for this story! <3

(And I’ll try setting timers for rest breaks while I draw, mb that will help)

---

In The Dark - masterpost

#mcyt #mcyt fanart #badboyhalo #skeppy #skephalo #In The Dark #it's so hot here #my laptop's keyboard is like a stove #=c=#shtern talks

73 notes · View notes

kareniliana · 3 years

Text

Klaus: Oh it’s you

A//N: Happy New Years!! I took a few days off for the holiday and traveling. I was in my hometown for the Holidays. Now I’m back for school to start. I love it here and hopefully now that I'm in my own space I can get more writing now. Okay I hope you enjoy!

xx Karebear 💛🧸

You walked out of the Lockwood Mansion to your car angrily with tears threatening to fall down your face.

“Stupid stupid stupid!” you gritted through your teeth, your emotional state being completely broken. Guests to the party walked past you, giving you the hardest judgmental looks. You rolled your eyes and continued your walk to your vehicle.

Seeing your car in sight, “Go to the party, they said. Tell him how you feel, it’ll be great they said” you muttered to yourself as you fished for your keys in your handbag.

You gave up looking for the keys, sighing deeply you take a long hard look at your reflection. “Stupid stupid stupid! You’re so stupid! Of course he doesn’t want you- stupid stupid” You cover your face with your hands, turning around to lean on your car. You began to feel sorry for yourself, refusing to cry you laugh at yourself. He could’ve just rejected you, he didn’t need to make a whole scene out of it. You slid down to sit on the concrete ground, keeping your legs close tightly. You rarely wore dresses, you dressed to impress. But now here you are sitting outside, in a skin tight blue dress feeling sorry for yourself.

After your laughter had died down, a frown was imprinted on your face. You were feeling humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed, hurt, and scared to ever put yourself out there. You bury your face into your arms, trying to shield yourself form the world.

Suddenly you heard someones footsteps, they stop not too far away from your sitting position. You didn’t want to lift your head and have it possibly be the very man that put you in this position in the first place. You heard the man sigh deeply, come closer and sit with you. He actually unbuttoned his suit jacket and sat with you. He smelled like... dried paint and... you wanna say blood but decided to go with a musky scent.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, love?” The suave British accent of the one and only Klaus Mikaelson comes to your ear. Even his voice is a turn on, this man has zero bad qualities. Not including the murdering tendency’s.

You lifted your head to look at him, “Oh it’s you.” You said almost monotone. If you weren’t feeling shitty about yourself you’d love nothing more than to talk to this handsome chunky man. But you were feeling crappy, so you gave him zero entertainment.

He seemed almost taken aback but your attitude. He’s never personally met you but he’s definitely seen you around with your werewolf friends, your witches, and vampires. You were human, as far as he could tell, he always wondered how you are still alive being in the middle of everything.

“I take it you know who I am!” He grinned widely at you, making you chuckle a little. You softly smile at him, looking out to the trees.

“Of course, psychopathic murdering hybrid maniac.” You chuckled, earning a small laugh from him.

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.” He looked at you as you looked out into the woods. He could see the emotions on your face, you were hurt. “Don’t mind that imbecile love. Life can offer you much more than just one love. Theres epic love...toxic love.. immature love... true love.”

You looked to him, contemplating on getting in your car or to stay with him. Obviously you chose the latter. You reach your hand out to him, “My names Y/n Y/l/n”

He smirked, taking your hand in his to bring it up to his lips. Placing a soft kiss on it, all while he looked you in the eyes. His eye sight never leaving yours. You smiled and felt your checks warm up. Blowing your cover being cool, calm, and collected.

You broke your eye contact, looking to your feet. Smiling like a goof. If you felt shitty before, you don’t now. Klaus had always wanted to bring up a conversation with you, but never thought it was the right time. Until today, he was walking into the mansion as he heard everything go down with he-who-shall-not-be-named. He was angry as you walked by him sad and angry. Looking to the guy talking up a storm with another woman, literally not even a second passed by and he was on the next one. So Klaus did what Klaus does best. He compelled him to jump off the stairs during a slow dance, when the guests capacity is at its peak. Not to kill himself, but to hurt himself.

“What do you say to a dance, Love?” Klaus smirked at you, offering his hand to you. You were a bit surprised he asked, maybe he was just feeling pity for you.

“You don’t have to ask me to dance just because I’m sad.” You shook your head, you never really had great confidence in yourself.

“Okay, then it’s a good thing I’m asking because I think you’re beautiful and I want to say I danced with the most gorgeous human in Mystic Falls.” He was charming, that's for sure. You smiled and nodded.

He stood up first, offering you his hand and helping you up gracefully. He placed your hand on his forearm, escorting you to the building. “You do look quite ravishing in this dress.”

You cheeks glow red, smiling and completely into this feeling. You didn’t know how else to describe it as blooming. Your love for each other blooming. Your relationship blooming open. You felt seen and heard.

Stefan, Damon and Elena saw you and Klaus walk in, totally into each other. Moving in sync perfectly, your eye sights locked with each other. Damon looked to his brother with worry evident on his face.

“What is his plan?” Elena couldn’t help but ask. Stefan observed how you talked and danced, he was convinced that whatever it is with you two, was real.

He shook his head at her, “No, I don’t think this is part of any agenda. Look at him, he looks...”

“Really into her.” Elena finishes, placing a hand on Stefans shoulder.

The trio stared at you and Klaus happily dancing with each other. You swayed with him, following his moves. Not speaking much but just embracing the feeling of the beginning.

#klaus mikaelson #niklaus mikaelson #klaus x reader #klaus mikaelson x reader #the vampire diaries #the vampire diares imagine #the originals #the originals imagine #tvd x reader #tvd imagine #to x reader #to imagine

117 notes · View notes

ferret-not-microwave · 3 years

Text

Les Amis Modern AU: What They Wish Others Believed About Them (Part 5)

[I kind of wrote this in response to some general trends in characterising the Amis. There are some stereotypes which I'm not quite comfortable with.]

[Hey, y'all! I'm so sorry for not posting this series for a long time, I was flattened for the past 12 days by COVID-19. We have Cosette and Marius today, and I'm so glad that I am feeling better enough to write about them. Cheerio!]

Cosette:

• Is fed up of being considered dainty, fragile, weak and excessively nice, a bit of a pushover. She is anything but. Living with crappy foster parents don't really let you do that. She can stand up against bullshit with biting sarcasm if necessary. It's just that Cosette doesn't rise to the bait very easily, because she has trained herself to ignore battles which don't need her attention. But that doesn't mean that she needs to be protected all the time.

�� Is sick of having to relate her childhood traumas in order to not be judged as being a privileged airhead. Cosette likes buying nice things. She likes fashion, and she has some habits from Catholic school, still. She spends a lot of money on her friends and loved ones. She is sunshiney and injects bougie humour and fun into meetings. That doesn't mean that she knows nothing about the shitty world, and that she doesn't actively try to make ethical choices in her consumer behaviour and social commitments. She really dislikes the "Ohhhhh" moment coming from someone judging her for her privilege when someone tells her story to them. Why presume that people are shitty for no reason, damnit?

• Is sick of being mistaken as straight. On one memorable Pride, she was called "straight passing". She dislikes the term immensely. She thinks that people do not have the liberty to immediately assume that she is heterosexual because Marius is her partner. Similarly, people do not get to assume her sexuality because she presents stereotypically femme.

• She feels insecure and uncomfortable when people fix too much attention on her in relation to someone else, as if to scrutinize her. It happened twice amongst the Amis, once when Marius introduced her as his crush for the first time, and once when they came to know that she and Eponine knew each other since childhood, and that Eponine's parents were her abusive foster parents. She likes it better if she were befriended for being herself.

• She feels a little frustrated that people didn't get her conflicting feelings towards Eponine. People immediately assumed that she forgave and forgot everything Eponine had done or said when they were children, in her "characteristically sweet way". Actually, the first time she saw Eponine, her fear reared its ugly head again and she almost ran out of the Musain. There was much dancing around Eponine (who seemed worn out and super uncomfortable as well) and it is only with Marius and Courfeyrac's help that Cosette could start a conversion with Eponine. She did it not be particularly forgiving (though she eventually forgave her anyway), but because she needed to leave her emotional baggage behind and move on.

• A large part of Cosette's forgiveness towards Eponine was fuelled by the knowledge of Eponine's own abuse at her parents' hands. As someone who had faced quite a bit of the same abuse, she needed to put her foot down. Cosette was extremely angry about it, and her anger made sure that Eponine could separate from her parents faster, and eventually get custody of her siblings.

• She hates, hates, hates it when people remind her that she's lucky to get an adoptive father like Valjean particularly after she has a row with him. Just because her foster parents were shitty doesn't mean that she cannot speak against some of Valjeans imperfections! And children often disagree with their parents. She doesn't need to be dampened with the idea that she should basically think Valjean to be perfect because of her past. She is fiercely loyal to Valjean, and doesn't need anyone to test that.

• Cosette is protective of Marius. No one gets to mow Marius over with judgements and snide comments. In fact, Marius found himself being not so much the butt of jokes anymore after Cosette teaches him to stand up for himself. At the same time, Cosette does not helicopter parent Marius. She does tease him within limits, and does not usually interfere when he has disagreements with the Amis. It is a fine balance which does exhaust her sometimes.

• Cosette can be mischievous, even impish. She can land punches (whether they hurt or not doesn't matter), ace paintball/mudslinging matches, play the best pranks on April Fool's Day and curse like a sailor if needed. She is especially proud of the wide-eyed look she still gets from some of the Amis at her antics. She can also get people out of trouble faster than you can say "bail".

Marius:

• Marius feels scared of being judged. It is really, really difficult to understand your own privilege when you come from a super rich, super bigoted family (read grandfather). He has taken lots of embarrassing knocks and call-outs every day till now, but he is learning, and learning fast. The Amis know, and for them he isn't some peripheral person anymore, but an integral part. But sometimes he wakes up with nightmares of being kicked out as a wokeboi and a fraud by the whole group. He often stumbles over his words because he panics that maybe what he is trying to say is problematic. It takes him months to take any initiative in the Amis because he suffers from imposter syndrome all the time.

• Marius hid all information about his favourites (he loves strawberry rosé macarons and silver needle tea, for instance) because he thought that he would be judged as a rich brat. Funnily, it was Ferre who had figured these out and was the first Amis to give him a small tea chest and a box of macarons as a birthday gift (followed closely by Courf and Jehan with a huge birthday party). It took time for Marius to understand that just because he got a bit panned for his political opinions the first time, it doesn't mean that the Amis hate him.

• Quite unlike popular belief, Marius and Ferre do get along very well. They share a lot of niche interests (poring over etymology dictionaries and having a love of museums and trivia nights). They did discuss that first "to be free" moment, and Marius had placed his request to be given more chances to undo his problematic stances. (There was also another "to be free" moment that had left Ferre stunned, but it's a them thing). It hurts Marius when people immediately think that he's probably annoying Ferre when they hang out.

• Marius is not stupid. Please. The whole idea people have that he is stupid because of his awkwardness and shyness is plain mean at times. No, he doesn't need to be talked to slowly, like talking to a child. Whenever he has the courage, he brings up a lot of valid points in Musain meetings. He is extremely resourceful in handling money and talks with boring rich people, and fundraisers have never been better without him. He is juggling a double Masters degree with internships and volunteer services, and picks up languages at the drop of a hat (including Elvish).

• Marius has also had that dangerous phase when, in a bid to be as radical as possible, he fell into trouble way too many times. Even the most even-tempered of them all (read Jehan) has outright cried in exasperation on finding Marius glaring at a policeman in a protest, promising to burn the place down with a flare if they didn't back off from hitting protestors. Marius has similarly taken punches and hits, and there was a time when Joly would hover around him to administer first aid as quickly as possible. It took Enj and R a whole day to explain to him the merits of self-preservation and that revolution today does not necessarily involve a militant loss of life.

• Marius has also that phase when he drove a college sophomore to tears with his radical speech. Aka attacking the heck out of the kid's problematic Facebook post. Cosette had to give him a talk. Marius is learning about how to be a zealous but kind activist every day.

#marius pontmercy #cosette #les miz #les amis #les mis #les miserables #marius and cosette are such sweethearts #marius is an underrated noodle boi #modern au #les mis as #ferret's freshly microwaved post

34 notes · View notes

narrators-journal · 3 years

Text

Life after the fact

CW: mentions of some nasty stuff related to kids.

First part: Here

For the next few days you were a mess. Between the morning sickness and the guilt of having murdered someone, you were throwing up every bit of food or water you tried to digest, every shadow and small noise in your crappy, dirt cheap apartment at night sent you into a break down, sickened more with fear and the force of your sobs when you got overwhelmed. You never felt like you could relax, everything was nerve-wracking, and especially when you went outside. However, as the weeks passed, you got a handle on your fears. You weren't exactly okay, but you forced yourself to adjust and move on as best you could. As if the paranoia wasn't enough, you also had to deal with being pregnant on your own now. Oh god, I should've just stayed with Illumi! What the hell am I supposed to do about this whole thing?! You thought one night as you sat in your windowless bathroom, curled around the toilet, vomitting from the nerves, nausea, and violent sobbing, I wish I could just go back...apologize and just go back to the way things were. you lamented as you sucked in shakey, cold breaths that burnt your throat. It wasn't like you'd planned this far ahead, your escape attempt was a heat of the moment thing, fuelled by the fear of what might happen after you gave birth and the gut feeling that your partner would doom your child to a life akin to his own, which was definitely not a normal, healthy, or happy one. So, now you were left to suffer the last, stubborn thrashes of winter alone, in a crappy little apartment with walls so thin you could feel the last icy wind of winter when it blew, struggling with pregnancy symptoms and relentless paranoia of what will happen if or when Illumi finds you. After that night, you decided it was best to do what you could to lessen your stress, but that was easier said then done. For one, no matter the steps you took to ensure your safety, taking jobs great distances from where you live, whipping up a fake identity to use for work, limiting how often you went out, you could never fully convince yourself that you were safe from the Zoldyck family. Another thing that stopped you was your financial situation. You managed to nab a bit of cash from the car you'd stolen from the butler, using most of it on a cheap car, but, while a reasonable amount still, you still ended up taking up a job as a maid-for-hire of sorts, and usually your employers would tip you terrifically when they figured out you were pregnant, but with the gas bill, food, and the sketchy amount of rent you had to pay, you had little to nothing left to save for a better place or the baby. Finally, you realized after looking into it at one of your employer's homes during your break, that you were too far along in your pregnancy for termination, since at that point you were somewhere in your fourth month, so that left you with almost no other option than to find a way to give birth. After that, you just settled for having the child at home to avoid the paper trail a doctor's office would need and than leaving the baby at a church. They'll take the kid in and put it into foster care, which is a safer gamble than the Zoldycks. You thought, wiping the beginnings of tears from your eyes as you drove to the day's job. For the remainder of the day, you focused on your work, cleaning up toys, doing and folding laundry, making beds, the usual duties for this particular household, and did your best to not think about your past. That is, until you heard someone knock on the door while you were upstairs mopping the bathroom. The sound instantly sent ice down your spine. It felt as if the world skipped a beat in time with your heart, but at another knock, you took a deep breath and inched towards the distant door. Your heart thundered in your chest so hard that it hurt, but you picked your way down, staying away from the windows and doing your best to move stealthily with the slowly growing bump of your stomach until you could look out of the front door's peep hole. Thank the heavens it was simply your employer, a neatly dressed, glasses clad woman who you'd heard was a lawyer or CEO of some sort, not an assassin. So, just as she gave a third, more impatient knock, you opened the door, "I'm so sorry ma'am! I couldn't move too quickly to get to the door sooner," you said, not meaning to sound near hysterics, but at least that made you sound super apologetic as the woman huffed in annoyance, "It's fine, I just had my entire day upheaved." she said, walking in and you swiftly shut the door, not thinking much of the figure you saw standing at the roadside from the corner of your eye, she commonly had other helpers here when you were, it was likely just a gardener or someone to bring in her bags. "First, I burn myself with coffee at 6 am this morning, than I have to drive three damned hours to the airport just to find out my business trip was cancelled because the client decided to cut ties with my work! Ugh, don't get me started on tr-" The woman paused her ranting and hair adjustments suddenly, looking at you with concern and confusion on her dark-skinned face, "Are you alright, dear? Why are you crying?" Her voice was gentle, all annoyance gone when she'd realized you were upset, but it still made you jump and feel a small spark of guilt at the show of vulnerability, something you'd been fighting to repress. But your emotions had been so unpredictable recently, it only made sense that you failed. "I-I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me," you sniffed, scrubbing at your tears as she put a reassuring hand on your back and led you to a chair, letting you sit down, "Don't worry about it, I just thought I was the one to upset you. Are you sure you're alright?" You nodded as she looked you over, looking so parental and compassionate, it made your heart hurt. And just like that, even more tears were falling onto your clothes as a sharp knife of loneliness cut through you. You did your best to at least slow the streams of tears, but seeing this woman you hardly knew be so motherly and understanding reminded you of your own mother, or maybe those times Kikyo had helped you through the beginnings of morning sickness or nausea. Either way, your boss' actions hit a chord and now you were trying not to bawl while she offered you tissues and talked you down from the hormonal extreme. "I see now, must be the pregnancy talking." she laughed a little, "when I was expecting my eldest, the mood swings never really left, and just about anything would set me off. I remember one time, my husband had made me breakfast and I ended up sobbing over it for a good five minutes while he was just mortified." she said, giving you a comforting smile when you weakly laughed. Finally, when you were past the violent sobs, your boss helped you up and led you to the kitchen so you could splash some water on your face and she could get you some tea to help you relax. Once you were settled down at the table, warm cup of tea between your hands, your boss sat at the table with you and let you take a few sips before asking, "So, do you have any plans set for the baby?" she asked, and you felt her warm eyes drawing out all of your issues. You started out pretty vague, admitting you weren't really sure of what to do, but that soon led to you going into detail about how you didn't think you'd be keeping the child and probably putting them up for adoption since you couldn't afford them. You told her that you felt so bad for the decision, but you didn't want to raise your child in poverty or worsen their quality of life in general, which your boss understood, laying her dark hand on yours soothingly as you spoke. For the next hour or so, you sat with the woman and she helped you through all of your options. You told her that the father of the child wasn't the best, so she explained good ways to limit contact and how to keep track of every instance of neglect, abuse, or anything of the sort just in case things required lawyers and courts. By the time you'd left her home for the day, you were feeling much better about your situation, and while your plans to put the baby up for adoption hadn't changed, you were much more confident in the steps to go about it. You kept that job for two or three more trips, telling your boss of your plans to stop after that. She understood perfectly and made sure your pay was doubled, "Pretty soon you'll come up on being six months, you won't be able to do a lot in your third trimester." she pointed out after you refused to accept her money, but that wasn't the only kind thing she did for you. No, on your second to last job with her family she had basically spun you around at the door and herded you out to her car. "I understand you're trying to keep as low a profile as possible, but I can't in good conscious not have that child checked on." she told you as she drove you to a check up, patting your hand and just letting you bawl, but she refused to let you apologize for her helping. In fact, when you thought back on the drive after the appointment, she seemed somewhat sad, but you couldn't exactly place why and on the drive back you didn't want to ask and open an old wound. So, you simply didn't say anything about it and went home that night with knowledge that so far your baby seemed fine, and a tip from your boss to find some time to relax more, "Make sure to destress as best you can, it's good for your mental health and the baby." she advised, as motherly as ever. So, you decided on your drive home to give that advice a shot. At least once. So, after your last job with that family, while spring time was beginning to really settle in outside, leaving a crisp but fresh feeling night in the wake of a lukewarm day, you had borrowed a book from a neighbor and ran yourself a warm bath to hopefully relax in, even if you likely wouldn't be able to get out of it super easily when bedtime rolled around. Despite that fact, sinking into the warm water felt like heaven to your aching back, breasts, and hips. So, you relaxed in the water for a long while, two hours or so, just reading the book and occasionally putting your hand on your belly to feel the baby kick. The only thing that could've made the night better was if you had some scented candles and maybe a shoulder rub, but you were content with settling for this. All around, the night was near perfect, and that was somewhat because you refused to let your anxiety at the little creaks of your floor or the sounds of your neighbors opening their own doors in the ratty old hall destroy your good time. Eventually, you did get out of the cooled water with some work and got dressed in your comfiest clothes before going to bed, feeling rather happy and relaxed, and thus falling asleep rather quickly. That night, you had quite the weird dream. You weren't a stranger to nightmares about Illumi or the Zoldycks, but this dream was much more melancholy. At the start, it was pretty normal, a nonsensical flurry of dream-logic-fuelled, stream of consciousness, but than things got a bit easier to follow, and the dream took a turn from non-sense, to a bittersweet dream of laying in bed with Illumi again, letting him feel your belly and generally being happy with an undertone of 'something's off' to it. When you woke up the next day you were hit with a tsunami of yearning for that scenario, or any scenario that meant you got cuddled and comforted, and didn't feel so crushingly alone. For the twentieth time since the beginning of the month, you thought of returning to the Zoldyck estate, or at least making it easier for your fiance to find you, but than your common sense kicked in to stomp out that fantasy. No! If I go back my life will be more than just miserable boredom and restrictions. It'll become worse than hell! Illumi will be pissed beyond belief and will probably do something extreme to me! Your fearful inner voice had a point, Illumi had already threatened you when you'd asked to go out without him that day, he'd undoubtedly do worse to you for not only trying to run, but staying gone for so long and putting your baby under so much stress. Oh god, what would he do if I miscarry? The mere thought of his reaction was enough to settle the debate. You'd stay gone. You'd put up with the apartment that smelled of wet dogs and smoke, the paper thin walls, the exorbitant rent, you'd leave your baby at a church once they were born, and you'd go off the grid. If you could help it, you'd never go back to face Illumi and his family.

#Illumi x reader #sequel #outrunning obsessions #hxh #hunter x hunter #x reader #sequelette #Illumi zoldyck #fanfiction #quotev

51 notes · View notes

shittylongcatposts · 3 years

Text

A/N: hey guys, i'm sorry that i'm kind of inactive this week... I just don't have the time and the right mood atm especially after this evening. Anyways! I needed to rant about something a little bit and ended up writing more than planned. Mostly because i just want some jumin cuddles.

Ehm ... I'll also hide it under the cut, there are some swear words, and it's... It gets a little bit sad.

For Jumin's three week vacation you both decided to visit your family. You missed them all so dearly that seeing them, after everything that happened in the last months, made you cry rivers. When you first made plans, Jumin told you to book a hotel for the both of you, but when your mother heard that you wanted to spend your vacation in your hometown, she invited you to stay at her home. The guest room she prepared looked lovely and when Jumim opened the door to it for the first time he gasped. It looked like a hotel room, the duvet lay perfectly on the bed, the towels ontop were folded like birds or swans (your mother showed you how to do this once but you always forget how to actually do it).

A few days later, you nearly introduced Jumin to the whole family. He got to know your mother, your grandparents and some of your aunts and uncles and last but not least your father.

He came by your grandparent's home when you all sat on the patio enjoying a cup of the same old Cappuccino that you drank when you visited them after school. The one that your grandmother used to serve exactly at 3pm and always three cups of it, one for you, one for your "Öpimöpi" (grandpops) and one cup for her.

Now, after many years, there was another cup placed in front of Jumin's place, who quietly looked around, enjoying the view into the garden, listening to the silence of the town you once called your home. The birds sang and he could hear cars driving down the main road in the distance. The pigeons on the roof sang their song. It was beautiful! And then he heard steps.

It was your father and your younger brother. Before you could even jump to greet them both of them pulled you into a tight hug, and while you hugged your father, Jumin noticed that tears began to build up in your beautiful pair of eyes. But with a quick dry swallow they were gone again. As if nothing ever happened you started chirping again, playfully joking with your little brother. Dancing around and chasing each other through the garden, oh how lovely you two looked.

But throughout the whole evening the young man noticed that neither you nor your father exchanged a lot of words, only here and there a few sentences, a quick walk through the gardens, but you didn't tell him that much. Only about a few things that happened around here and some small exciting news in his life. (He offered his help a pregnant woman to renovate her house)

Your little brother however talked a lot with him, and with you. That little boy seemed to be quite charmed by the stories his sister shared with him and how you met Jumin.

When you finally slipped under the blanket that night Jumin tried asking you about the situation. However you kissed him good night, trying to please him with a "it's fine, I promise, Jumin. Let's go to bed, ok?". And with that you turned around, pretending to be asleep. Jumin knew it wasn't fine, but he also didn't want to pressure you, so he pulled you closer and tried not to worry too much about it. Only seconds after Jumin fell asleep, tears streamed down your face, you couldn't hold them back anymore.

Another few days later you decided to visit your old gymnastics training, it felt good to see all the familiar faces again. That one little granny you liked a lot, the other one who always forgot your name and especially your trainer. She hadn't changed a bit, and still enjoyed torturing the attendees of this course. When the torture ended you jumped into the car your mom lent you with wobbly knees. You started the car, turned onto the street and drove the way you so often drove down when you still lived here.

Down the long street, onto the main road and past the only ice cream parlor of this small town. You drove further and suddenly you saw two persons out of the corner of your eyes. They walked down the road and one of them looked pretty familiar. It was your father. Next to him stood the young woman with the baby resting in a kind of baby towel. They both ate ice cream and even though you only saw them for a mere second, you felt a sting in your heart. The last thing you saw in the corner of your rear view mirror was your dad, laughing, probably joking around with her. He made that weird step to the right, that thing he always did when he had to laugh while he was walking.

It hurt so bad to see him like this. Because you wished you were the one he just told his crappy joke. You felt your heart breaking into pieces, and wanted to cry so badly, but you could only sob, trying to concentrate on the road.

The minute you opened the door and slipped into your shared bedroom you collapsed on the bed. Jumin, who just watched you come in, quickly put his book aside.

"Darling what happened?" He asked, one hand rubbing over the small of your back, the other trying to put some of the loose strands behind your ear.

"I'm a failure, Jumin, that's what happened. I just… I can't hold it back anymore." you whined, and for the first time Jumin watched you crying, not because of anger or joy, no, because your heart was broken. He didn't know what to do or say, wishing he could tell you that you were the love of his life and not a failure to him, that he loved you no matter what happened. But he couldn't speak, a big lump in his throat silenced him, and stole his voice. Instead he continued to stroke your back, always reassuring you that he was still there. When your sobbing got worse he pulled you into a hug, softly placing kisses on the crown of your hair.

"Mc, i don't know what happened" he whispered, finally finding his voice again "But you are not in the slightest a failure. You are the most precious human being on this earth…"

"Shut up Jumin, I know I am, I fucked up. Look at my father, he can't even spend time with me, but with everybody else. That was the case and it always will be like that. Why doesn't he want to eat a fucking ice cream with me! I just want to be able to talk to him for god's sake."

"Shh… Mc, you're upset I get that, but I'm sure that's not how it is." He tried to calm you. Pulling on his pajama shirt, your eyes red from crying, you looked up at your boyfriend, letting him see how broken you were.

"Jumin, it's always been like that, since I was six, my dad and I lost each other and never found each other again. I love him with all my heart but it hurts so much sometimes."

The young man pulled you tighter to him, cupping your cheeks with both of his smooth hands. His thumbs rubbing away the tears that still streamed down your face.

"It's going to be ok, my princess, I promise." He kissed you again, this time his soft lips brushed the tip of your nose.

"Maybe we should talk to him tomorrow? I can come with you if you want to - I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, darling."

You didn't want to, but you knew Jumin was right. You should talk with him. Tell him how you feel, how much you 'suffered' all these years. Rubbing the last few tears away you nodded. Jumin's fingers brushed over your shoulder wandering further down to squeeze your hand. "Thank you Jumin. And I'm sorry I got so… emotional."

"You know that you can tell me everything, my dear. I want to help you in any way possible and I really wish to stand right beside you at all times." He smiled softly. With a sigh you leaned into his chest, listening to his heartbeat always calmed you down. His breath evened out and while you both enjoyed each other's presence the steady sound of his breath and his beating heart let you finally fall asleep.

#mysme #mystic messenger #jumin han #shitty longcat

15 notes · View notes

little-kat07 · 3 years

Text

The Perfect Cake

[OH MY GOD GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!

A couple days ago, i suddenly remembered that I HAVE AN AO3 ACCOUNT. I completely forgot I had one. So I went back and looked at my works and holy hell guys, I had a ONESHOT BOOK! BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ONESHOTS WERE SO I CALLED THEM ‘Sanders Stories’, BECAUSE THEY WERE SANDERS SIDES. THEY’RE KIND OF CRAPPY BUT ALSO REALLY NOSTALGIC AND I’M SO HAPPY I FOUND THEM!!!!

This one particular one is called “The Perfect Cake,” and i’m actually kind of proud of past me for it, even though it’s not that good. It’s fluffy Logicality with a gallon of Patton angst because that is literally all I’m good at writing.

So I’m going to leave this here, as well as a link to the book! GUYS I’M JUST SO HAPPY!]

[In case you’re confused, the link I send will be to the whole book so the first chapter isn’t the one that I’m pasting here. This chapter, The Perfect Cake, is the second oneshot and the first one is prinxiety]

Link to book

---

Pairings: Logicality

TW: Baking, feelings of worthlessness, crying, birthday, breakdown

Summary: It’s Logan’s birthday tomorrow, and Patton is determined to bake the PERFECT cake for it (Even if he hasn’t baked that much before.) He’s trying his best, but he can’t do it alone.

---

Patton stood in the center of the kitchen.

He often had the same feeling in his stomach before he cooked something big; He had to mentally prepare himself for hours of work.

Logan's Birthday was tomorrow, and Patton had to make it the best possible birthday! This was the anniversary of the first day Thomas went to preschool- the day Logan was formed.

Patton remembered that day like it was yesterday. He remembered a small toddler with an intelligent sparkle in his eye knocking on the door of the commons, he remembered how he swore Patton's hugs might suffocate someone. He remembered growing up with him, and slowly falling in love, and-

Shoot. No. These emotions weren't logical, it was impossible for Logan to like Patton back. He had to stop thinking like that.

Illogical feelings or not, tomorrow was Logan's day to shine, and it had to be perfect. Patton had to bake the most amazing, most beautiful, most delicious cake ever to grace the Mind-scape.

Patton took a deep breath and got to work.

After a few hours, Patton had been worked to death. He had been trying and trying to make the perfect cake, but it was always just wrong, or the product of a mistake. His pink apron was wrinkled and dirty, and he had streaks of batter all over his face. He had started at 6 am, and it was now 8. He sighed and rubbed his face, grateful that he still had his optimism.

"Patton? You ok, Padre?"

Patton turned to find Roman standing in the kitchen doorway, eyes sparking with worry.

Patton smiled. "Oh, I'm alright, kiddo. Just trying to bake a cake for Logan. I can't seem to get it right."

Roman smirked and came in. "Want some help? I've never baked before, but I'll help if it's bothering you."

Patton grinned and gave the Prince a huge hug. "Thank you so much, kiddo! I'm sure you will be a great help!"

Oh, how wrong Patton had been.

Virgil had often joked about how Roman wouldn't stop singing to save his life, and Patton was pretty sure that was true. Every 5 minutes, just as they started to get some work done, the prince would start belting out lyrics to disney songs or dancing around the kitchen. They got as far as perfectly mixing the batter before Patton had to stop him.

"Look, kiddo..." Patton started, rubbing his hands together and trying to find a way to put this nicely. "You helped me make the perfect batter, and I am so proud of you for that, but I think maybe you should clock out? You have been a great help, but you... Um... Sing a lot." Patton winced, afraid Roman was going to be offended.

Roman nodded in understanding and put a hand on patton's shoulder. "Hey, don't worry about it. I know I can be distracting. Do you want me to go see if Virgil will help you?"

Patton nodded, thankful. "That would be great!"

Roman left the kitchen yelling "HOT TOPIC! PAT WANTS YOU!"

Patton watched him go with a proud smile, and then turned to clean up the kitchen.

Just as he was halfway through cleaning, Virgil came into the kitchen with his hood up. "Sup', Pop star?"

Patton grinned and gave Virgil a big hug, which the emo reluctantly returned. "My dark, strange son! I am baking a cake for Logan’s birthday, and I need your help!" Patton pulled away from Virgil, smiling. "Roman already helped me make the batter, but he can be a bit much in the kitchen. Would you mind helping out for the rest of the process?"

Virgil shrugged. "I have nothing better to do."

Patton knew that that was Virgil's way of saying "I would love to."

Virgil was very helpful cleaning up the kitchen. He had a sort of efficient way of doing things, just one after the other, not saying a word. It was kind of satisfying to watch.

It got a bit hectic after that, though. Once they were done cleaning, they had to pour the batter into the pans. It was going to be a big cake, like, "Corpse Bride" big. So they had to use multiple pans and lots of batter. Virgil had violently shaky hands, and had lots of trouble pouring the batter in. In the end, Patton had to pour all the batter himself, and the kitchen ended up very messy.

Virgil's eyeshadow was darker than when he had initially come in. "I-im sorry... I didn't mean to mess up, I just-"

Patton smiled at him and pulled him into a hug. "No no, you didn't do anything wrong, kiddo! You just had a little trouble with steadying your hands. I'm very proud of you for helping me clean up, but maybe we should get someone else to help us here? Maybe Jan?"

Virgil smirked sadly. "I think maybe i'll duck out for now, but I'll tell Janus you want his help."

"Thanks, son!"

Virgil stepped out of the kitchen yelling "HEY SNAKE BOY!"

Patton sighed. This was not going the way he had wanted it to. He did realize that if Janus ended up being bad at this, his last choice was Remus, and he was terrified of going down that road.

He had just cleaned the batter from the stovetop when Janus walked into the kitchen. "Hey Pat, did you need something?"

Pat smiled tiredly. "Hey, Janjan. I was going to bake a cake for Logan, but i'm having some trouble. Roman and Virge weren't so good at it, so I wanted to see if you would help?"

Jan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm tooooootally not disappointed that you worked with Emo and Sir Singalot before you thought about the second smartest person here," He said sarcastically.

"Mm-hm!" Patton managed to say before taking a deep breath to control himself.

Janus helped Patton bake the cake and even out the tops with a bread knife. The next thing they had to do was spread the buttercream filling on the layers so they could be stacked.

Jan looked in the fridge like Patton told him to. "I don't see the buttercream."

Patton walked over and scanned the fridge. It was gone.

He took a few deep breaths and ran a hand through his hair. "Where the heck is it? If I have to make more, I swear I will-"

"Make more of what?" Remus poked his head into the kitchen curiously.

"The buttercream filling for Logan's cake is gone."

Remus cocked his head. "Buttercream? Hmmm... OH! Yeah, I ate that."

Patton's eyes widened. "You did WHAT?" Remus smiled fearfully while Patton yelled. "THE ONE THING YOU EAT THAT IS ACTUAL FOOD, AND IT HAS TO BE THE BUTTERCREAM?"

For once, Janus looked worried. "Patton, are you ok? You aren't acting like yourself..."

The dad side breathed in and out rapidly, his hands running through his hair. He tried to calm himself down- He was the happy side, not the angry side. He could get through this. "I'm fine. I'm calm. I can do this."

"Gee, I'm sorry, Pat," Said Remus. He suddenly grinned. "I can throw it up for you, if you want!"

"NO! No, no. I think we will be ok," Janus said, pushing Remus out of the room. He turned to face Pat. "Patpat, are you ok?"

Janus sometimes called Patton Patpat, mostly as payback for Patton calling him Janjan. But when the two became good friends, they used them as nicknames instead.

"I'm fine, Janjan. I'm just having some feelings. Feelings are okay though! I'm ok."

Janus sighed. "If you say so."

They worked together to make a new batch of buttercream, allowing the cake to cool. The original buttercream had been baby blue, but Patton had no more baby blue dye, so they used indigo instead. They layered and stacked the cake with the buttercream, used support sticks to keep the cake from falling over, and then started to layer it with dark blue fondant.

Patton looked over at Janus. "Would you mind taking off the gloves? Sorry, but this is very delicate and I think you should use your bare hands."

Janus frowned. "I shouldn't. I have scales on my left hand, if I use it, it will leave a scale imprint on the fondant."

Patton blinked sadly at him. "Oh, ok."

Patton handled the fondant, and as he fit it into place, he thought the cake looked beautiful. "Only one thing left to do: DECORATE!!!"

Patton was an amazing decorator.

After years of theming cookies and cupcakes to each side, baking birthday cakes, and writing messages in crofters jelly for a scavenger hunt, Patton had a handle on how to make things look presentable. Right now, It was a giant 3-layer cake with blue fondant covering, but soon, it would be a masterpiece.

Janus coughed uncomfortably behind Patton. "Um... Since i'm not very good at this stuff... Can I go? I have my own present I wanted to work on."

Patton smiled at him. "Sure! Don't spoil anything to Lolo, ok?"

Deceit nodded and almost left the kitchen before turning back and saying, "Uh, hey, Patpat? Don't stress yourself out too much, 'Kay?"

Patton nodded back. "Of course."

Janus smiled, relieved, and left.

---

Patton was SO TIRED.

It was 8 in the morning on Logan's Birthday. Patton had worked all night on that cake and when he had finally finished it, he went right to bed without doing anything in between. He had just woken up, feeling groggy and confused, but he made himself get out of bed because it was Logan's special day.

Logan woke up that day happy. He knew that a birthday was pointless, it was a celebration of one year passing in an entities life, it made no logical sense. But if the other sides wanted to shower him with attention once per fricking year, he did not want to miss this chance.

Patton got out of bed the last out of all the others. Logan had woken up to the other four sides, Janus, Remus, Roman, and Virgil ready for him in the living room with gifts and treats. Logan had thought that Patton would be the first there, energized and grinning, the way he always was. But Patton was nowhere in sight.

When Patton did come out, he put on his best happy face and gave Logan the biggest hug he could muster. Logan smiled a little. "To this day, I swear, your hugs might suffocate someone!"

Patton laughed and grinned at him, just happy he had gotten through yesterday.

First, they made breakfast. Jan made waffles with crofters jelly and eggs, and they all sat around the table reminiscing about the past. They talked about when logan first got his glasses, when he had a stutter, and everything else that Patton could remember. Which was everything, since Patton kept every memory stored in his room.

Next, they had gifts. Roman gave him a lab in the imagination; with chemistry sets, a telescope, and books upon books upon books. It was his own little area in Roman's realm so Logan could enjoy himself every now and then. Virgil gave him a dictionary of every word in the world, in every language. Janus gave him a replica of the Library of Alexandria, with all of the scrolls and books still there. "The original one was burned down with all of it's knowledge," he said, "So here is-" "OH MY GOD I LOVE IT THANK YOU!" Remus gave Logan an animal to dissect. But it wasn't a real animal, it was something Remus had made to give Logan something to do.

Patton promised Logan that his gift would come after dinner. He felt as though his cake paled in comparison to all of the gifts his friends had given. I mean, the Library of Alexandria? Patton sunk lower in his chair.

After gifts, they had lunch in a beautiful field that Roman had created, where the flies ate grass instead of your food, and every bird was adorned with beautiful shimmering colors and tail feathers. They had PB&J sandwiches (with crofters, of course), Goldfish, and apples. They talked for hours about nothing in particular, every now and then asking Roman about the creatures that walked by.

Logan was having a great time, but something seemed off. He looked around at the group and his eyes settled on Patton. The more he looked at him, the more tired he seemed. Logan noticed shadows under Patton's eyes for the first time, and saw that his smile was beginning to look more and more forced. Logan began to worry that one of them had done something wrong. The usual bundle of joy and energy that was Patton looked a lot more docile and tired than before.

Once it started to get dark (because Roman had set a day-night cycle in the imagination just so they would know when to go) they went back to the commons for dinner. Janus cooked some brown sugared ham with peas and rice, while Patton left to get the cake ready.

As Patton walked into the kitchen, he took a look at the cake on the pedestal. Dark fondant with baby blue frosting in swirls, and a little fondant necktie decoration on the second tear to tease about Logan's necktie. The name "Logan" was scribbled in white frosting on top.

He remembered the tall pillars in the Library of Alexandria Jan had made, he remembered the sparkling equipment Roman had conjured. He remembered the giant dictionary, the animal-

Patton looked at the cake and sighed. He honestly didn't know what he was thinking. But this was what he had done. He would just have to work with it, and maybe make up for it with a different gift later.

He picked up the large cake in his arms. It was very heavy, and there was one whole room between the kitchen and the dining room; the living area. Patton just had to bring it over.

He left the kitchen with the cake, and he was doing well with it considering he couldn't see his feet, and then he tripped.

...and then he tripped.

His foot caught against something on the ground and he stumbled, causing the cake to drop out of his arms and onto the floor. It fell sideways, and broke upon impact, and the cake broke up on the floor. Bits and pieces everywhere. Patton had fallen, and he had scraped his elbow, but he didn't care. He didn't care anymore.

He had spent a whole god-forsaken day trying to get this right. He remembered Roman's singing, Virgil's shaky hands, Remus's eating habits, Janus' scales, and he could feel himself sinking into the ground. He just wanted this to be perfect. Logan deserved something perfect.

The cake was broken, and the world was quiet, and Patton wondered for a moment if he had gone deaf. The Mindscape was silent. He felt the tears on his cheeks, but he didn't cry. Patton was the joyful and happy side, so he didn't cry. Water fell from his eyes in waterfalls and rivers across his skin, but he wasn't crying, that's not how he worked. Even when sobs racked his body and made his chest hurt. He wasn't crying.

It was just a god forsaken cake, why the heck was he crying? It was just a cake. It was just a cake.

Shoot, this isn't ABOUT THE CAKE.

Logan and all the other sides sat in the dining room, talking happily about whatever came to mind. Patton had left to get the cake, but he hadn't come back yet. Logan had eaten his dinner and was now staring at the door. He tried to focus on the conversation, but he thought Patton seemed a little late.

"Hey, Nerd, whatcha' looking at?" Roman asked, walking up behind his chair, bending down, and following Logan's line of sight.

Logan didn't turn his gaze from the door. "I feel like Pat should have been back by now. Actually, Roman, maybe you could check on him?"

Behind Logan's back, Roman and Virgil exchanged a glance, and Roman understood immediately.

"Actually, Lo, maybe you should go check on him? It is your cake after all."

Logan stood up from his chair and walked out of the dining room. "I suppose so."

Virgil snickered. "Oh my god, he is so oblivious. I ship them so badly..."

Logan walked out of the dining room and almost choked.

Patton was on the floor, with his hands in his face. Was he crying? Patton didn't cry. He was too happy to cry. He was too fricking perfect to cry. WHO THE HECK MADE PAT CRY?

Then logan saw the floor. The cake, he realized, was broken up and smashed to bits on the ground. The fondant was ripped apart, save for a small black fondant necktie. Patton must have dropped the cake. It looked like it had been big.

Logan didn't hesitate for a second. He kneeled down beside Patton, wrapping his arms around him and quietly letting him sob.

Patton felt someone's arms around him, and they had glasses, he knew, because the glasses were pressed against his temple. But that meant it was Logan. Logan was here, and he can see the cake, and he is probably so mad. Patton wrapped his arms around Logan and cried into his shoulder. He didn't like Logan to be angry. Hugs fixed that. Right?

"Pat? Patton, don't cry, what's wrong?"

Patton could barely find the breath to speak.

"I-I dropped it. The thing... I-I mess-Messed up... It's all g-gone..."

"Shhhh. Shhh, it's not your fault, don't worry. Patton, I love the cake. It's looks like it was beautiful, thank you."

Patton just kept sobbing, his glasses getting foggy. Logan knew the side was emotional, but really, it was just a cake, and Logan wasn't even mad at Patton. In fact, Logan didn't think he was capable of being mad at Patton.

Patton was sad about the cake. Of course, it was horribly destroyed, and he had spent a long, tiresome day making it perfect. And now it was all gone, and Patton had no gift to give.

To Pat, this was bigger than that though. Logan was supposed to have the perfect birthday, but Patton had messed all of that up. He had nothing to give logan. Every day of his life, his goal was to give something, to be helpful, and to care for others. He had messed up today.

"I-i don't know wh-what to do. I just... I just wanted-d to g-give you something. I-It's a-all gone n-now. Th-the d-day is ruined."

Logan frowned. What would someone with a better sense of emotions say? Seeing Patton like this made him so sad, what could he do?

He remembered something Pat had said to him a long time ago, when he was getting used to emotions. 'When someone is feeling down, speak from the heart! The best thing you can do is tell them the truth, and if they don't like it, then they have a right to feel a little sad. But you should still try!'

"Pat, I know you are sad. I understand that you wanted to make this a good day, but it WAS a good day. I enjoyed every moment of today. Sure, the cake is messed up, but it's the thought that counts, and you are already the best gift I could ask for."

Patton looked up in confusion. "Me?"

Logan was usually really bad at emotions, but right now, emotions seemed to be all he could muster. "You are so caring and joyful. And sweet. And kind. And I don't care about the cake, or any gift you give me, the fact that you are so set on making me feel cared for is enough. I'm just happy you're here, ok?"

Logan brushed a tear from Patton's eye and smiled. "I'm just happy you're here."

#sanders sides #logicality #ts logicality #logans sanders #patton sanders #tss #ts patton #ts logan #logan x patton #patton x logan #tw crying #tw baking #tw breakdown

27 notes · View notes

senacal · 4 years

Note

Hey! Would u wanna write one where right after cuba in the hospital charles asks her to sing to him, and all she can remember is an old song from sweden (slightly personalized in that, i hope you dont mind!!) called Flyktsoda by ebba grön, she sings in swedish and he translates lyrics by telepathy. she ends up kinda confessing with the line "dont be scared of me, i am so scared of you" bcz shes a bit scary and mad all the time but shes super weak for charles. then u can decide how it ends 🥺🥺

Request: Requested by Anon

Pairing: Charles Xavier x Fem! Reader

Prompt: Hey! Would u wanna write one where right after Cuba in the hospital Charles asks her to sing to him, and all she can remember is an old song from Sweden (slightly personalized in that, I hope you don’t mind!!) called Flyktsoda by Ebba grön, she sings in Swedish and he translates lyrics by telepathy. she ends up kinda confessing with the line "don’t be scared of me, I am so scared of you" bcz she’s a bit scary and mad all the time but shes super weak for Charles. then u can decide how it ends 🥺🥺

Warnings: self deprecation? Charles isn’t okay and neither is the reader

Author’s Note: I don’t mind at all ^.^ I listened to the song and it was super catchy, even better when I found out what the lyrics translated to (I speak no ounce of Swedish lol 😅) Sorry it took so long btw, I fell into a funk but here I am, forcing myself out 😬

Requests Are Open!

After the events of Cuba, Charles hadn’t been the same. He wasn’t to blame, of course, his whole world had changed with a single bullet. It was heartbreaking to witness the once cheerful man turn into this broken person. He plastered on a smile when he needed to and he pretended to be the same cheeky man, but (Y/N) knew it was an act. Not only had he lost his legs, but he also lost Raven and his best friend Erik that day. Despite Erik being capable of making his own choices, Charles blamed himself for what happened. He blamed himself relentlessly and it annoyed (Y/N) because she knew the turmoil it was giving the man. She hated seeing Charles putting himself through that self-inflicting guilt.

No matter how many times (Y/N) or Hank tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault, Charles still continued to place the blame on himself. Charles did stop communicating that guilt out loud around them when they visited him in the hospital, but (Y/N) was willing to bet that it still resided in the back of his mind. She didn’t have to be a telepath to know that because she could easily see it in his eyes. She liked to think that she knew him well enough through everything they’ve gone through together.

Before Cuba, Charles and Erik had found her working a tireless job to keep herself off of the streets. She was barely scraping by and she lived in a crappy one-bedroom apartment. It was located in the bad part of town and the crime rates were skyrocketing, but the mayor didn’t care to fix that. So she suppressed her powers and forced herself to fight for what little she had. She couldn’t afford for her landlord to figure out that she was a mutant and kick her out. Thankfully her mutation was easy to hide, as long as her emotions were kept intact. The only hint at her mutant powers was the growing life around her wherever she went, meaning, she could manipulate plant life either with a thought or a simple touch. It aggravated her to see people treat the plants in her neighborhood soo poorly.

When Erik and Charles first went to collect her, she couldn't understand what they would want with a girl like her. She was on the verge of homelessness, worked a dead-end job, and had a criminal record. The charges against her weren’t too serious, a couple of shoplifting charges and she might have beat a guy up here and there who tried to attack her. But regardless, she knew she wouldn’t fit in with the others Charles and Erik had recruited. So when she met them, she glared her way through each conversation and ignored the CIA’s requests. But for some reason, Charles managed to worm his way into her heart. Maybe it was his charming smile that should have annoyed her or his eyes that were shockingly blue. Or maybe it was the fact that he understood her even though he was the complete opposite of her. Whatever it was, Charles was the only one who had seen her softer side.

It was almost funny seeing Hank’s shocked face when he witnessed her caring side for the first time. They had both decided to visit Charles in the hospital when Charles had asked for a small favor, some comfortable clothes, and (Y/N) had readily offered to get them. Hank was possibly more surprised than was necessary. (Y/N) did nice things! The other day she helped Erik with his powers, granted that was before he betrayed them and Hank wasn’t there to witness it. Now though, (Y/N) reserved her soft spot for Charles. Hank seemed to understand, he didn’t make any comments about it; but that was probably because when Alex did, (Y/N) manipulated the roots of a tree to keep him stuck for a whole night until Charles turned a disapproving eye on her. He learned his lesson after that though.

But that was all before Cuba. Now it was just (Y/N), Hank, Alex, Banshee, and Charles. But even Banshee and Alex went their own way. (Y/N) couldn’t say where they went, she wasn’t sure. But she did know that their departure had added to Charles’ grief and guilt. She made it her duty to stay by his side while he was in the hospital, a reassurance that she wouldn’t leave him. Charles had turned her into this soft mushy person and it scared her shitless. She couldn’t remember the last time she had loved someone. But the thought of him leaving or being taken away terrified her. Charles terrified her. But she pulled herself together so he wouldn’t realize anything was wrong, he didn’t need any extra guilt.

(Y/N) sat next to Charles's bedside, a book in her hands to keep her busy while Charles slept. She arrived early that day because of the construction happening on the street where the hospital was located and she didn’t want to be late. She wasn’t expecting Charles to be awake which was why she brought the book. She was immersed in the story when Charles woke up, which is why he surprised her.

“You’re here early,” He spoke groggily.

The flowers’ leaves on the other side of Charles’s bedside shot out of their vase and wrapped around Charles’s wrist, forcing it flush against the bed. (Y/N) might have gotten startled since she was distracted. She looked up with a guilty smile and released his wrist when he gave her an unamused look. “Sorry, you scared me,” She grumbled.

“It’s alright, love,” Charles rubbed his wrist. He hadn’t expected the grip to hurt since they were tulip leaves.

“How’d you sleep?” (Y/N) set the book in her hands aside and shifted so she could face Charles.

“Okay, I guess. I’m ready to get out of here,” He shrugged. He adjusted the bed so he could sit up.

“I can ask the doctor when you can be released if you’d like?” (Y/N) offered.

‘No, it’s okay,” Charles waved her off, “I’d much rather keep your company a little longer,” He smiled.

(Y/N) nodded, a faint smile on her lips. “Of course,” She drummed her fingers on her lap. “Did you need anything? The nurse? More medicine? Food?”

“I’m alright for now, thanks though… Can I ask you a question?” Charles hesitated.

“Yeah, anything.”

“Do you mind if, you can say no, but do you mind if I ask you to sing me a song? I’ve been quite bored here and the radio stations are rather crappy and there’s never anything good on the telly,” He rambled.

“Oh, uh,” (Y/N) furrowed her brows, what song would she sing?

“Never mind, it was weird of me to ask, you don’t-”

“No, I’ll sing for you uh, Is it okay if it’s in Sweden? I can’t really remember any songs right now,” (Y/N)’s cheeks flushed and her fingers began to fidget in her lap.

“I don’t mind,” He smiled kindly.

(Y/N) nodded and cleared her throat, here went nothing, “Lyckan kommer, lyckan går. Dom säger tiden läker sår. Jag släcker lampor. Jag öppnar fönster. Letar efter mönster. Jag kommer aldrig. Jag kommer aldrig, kommer. Kommer aldrig komma hem.”

‘Happiness comes, happiness goes. They say that time heals wounds. I turn off lamps, I open windows. Searching after patterns, I will never, I will never, will never come home,’ Charles lay back in his bed, his eyes closing as his mind translated the lyrics for him, one of the better aspects of his telepathy, the ability to understand any language.

“Flyktsoda, ta mig i hand. Sätt mig i brand, ibland ibland ibland. Flyktsoda ta mig i land. Sätt mig i brand, ibland ibland ibland,” (Y/N) could feel her stomach flipping, her chest filling with anxiety. She hadn’t realized how much this song actually meant until now. She hadn’t been happy before Charles came into her life. She was merely going through the motions, living because it was expected of her, but with Charles, hell even Hank, they gave her a reason to keep going. Only Charles was her reason for staying.

‘Escapesoda take my hand. Set me on fire, sometimes sometimes sometimes. Escapesoda bring me to shore. Set me on fire, sometimes sometimes sometimes,’ Charles inhaled deeply, (Y/N)’s voice soothing the ache in his chest. He appreciated everything she has done for him while he was hospitalized. If it weren’t for her, he was sure he wouldn’t have made it out in one piece. He barely made it with her there, but her persistent presence kept him grounded and kept him from falling into despair.

“Var inte rädd för mig. Jag är så rädd för dig,” (Y/N)’s voice stuttered over the words. They pierced her heart when she sang them. They rang true and she was afraid it revealed just how much Charles affected her.

“Don't be afraid of me. I'm so afraid of you,” Charles's eyes opened when he heard the vulnerability in her voice. He looked at her with questioning eyes, he almost felt bad when he read what she was thinking.

“Do you really think that I am afraid of you?” He asked softly.

“I, well, everyone else was, why not you too? I hurt you just a little while ago,” She pointed to his wrist.

Charles's wrist was rubbed raw from the leaf, but it wasn’t too bad, plus he had startled her, “I startled you, it wasn’t your fault.”

“That’s not the point Charles, I’ve done some bad things so why wouldn’t you fear me?”

“You fought to protect yourself. You are so much more than your powers, (Y/N). You’re magnificent, you’re amazing.” Charles wished he could reassure her and comfort her more, but his fucking legs couldn’t move. He shifted as best as he could, “Now why do you fear me?” He wondered.

(Y/N)’s heart was racing, she swore her heartbeat was louder than the heart monitor attached to Charles. “I- you don’t- why-” She ran her hand through her hair. “If I tell you, promise me this won’t change anything between us, okay? You’re all I have and I can’t lose you as a friend.” She spoke softly.

Charles nodded, “You could never lose me.”

(Y/N) bit her lip, wondering how to start. How does one even tell the person they love they fear them because of the hold they have on their heart? Charles managed to shove his way into her life and now she couldn’t picture her life without him in it. “I fear you because how easily you fit into my life,” She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, though she didn’t know why she was crying, shame maybe? “For a long time now it’s been just me, I had nobody, my parents didn’t want me, my landlord was looking for any reason to evict me, my co-workers were all selfish assholes, and I’ve been attacked countless times by men in the streets. I made sure no one could misuse my trust and I made sure no one could hurt me, but here you are,” She wiped a stray tear that ran down her cheek, “You pushed through the walls I’ve built and now I’m afraid to lose you.”

(Y/N) ran her hand through her hair again, she probably looked so pathetic to Charles.

“You could never look pathetic,” Charles reached his hand out to her which (Y/N) hesitantly took, “I know I said this wouldn’t change anything, but perhaps it can change just a little?”

(Y/N)’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“Perhaps once I get out of here we can go on a date?” Charles asked nervously, “You don’t have to agree, and we can continue like normal, but now that I know for sure that you harbor feelings towards me maybe we can-”

(Y/N) stood from her seat to press her lips to Charles’s cutting off his ramblings. She pulled away from the kiss and smiled, “I’d love to go on a date with you.”

Charles grinned, almost looking like his old cheeky self. He might have lost some things in Cuba, but he gained something too. He’d be damned if he let (Y/N) be taken away from him too. “I hope you know you’re stuck with me now.”

“I guess I can live with that,” (Y/N) laughed, “But promise me one thing okay?” At Charles nodded, (Y/N) continued, “Never tell anyone that I sang to you.”

Charles laughed despite her serious look, “I promise not to tell anyone.”

#Charles Xavier #charles xavier x reader #charles xavier x fem reader #x men x reader #X-men #x-men x reader #x-men x fem reader #mutant reader

124 notes · View notes

woah-were-halfway-there · 4 years

Text

Leafs in 5

A/N: I was inspired after game 4 against Columbus, what can I say

Word Count: 4.1k

Going into the NHL’s alternate version of the postseason playoffs that 2020 decided to sprinkle in on top of everything else going on in the world, you knew it was bound to be interesting. There was a plan set in motion to keep all the players and staff safe and strict rules that needed to be followed for everything to work the way it was supposed to. Both of these resulted in your boyfriend, Auston, having to stay in a bubble at the Royal York while you stayed alone in your shared condo in Toronto that was just a few blocks away, for who knew how long.

You were lucky that when the NHL season ended back in March, you were able to travel to Scottsdale with Auston and not be separated. At the beginning of the lockdown, your workplace closed down and moved to a work from home setting until further notice. After clarifying that it’d be at least a month until you could go back, you figured it wasn’t the worst idea to go along with your boyfriend back to Arizona after asking if you’d go with him. Little did you know the two of you would be there for almost four months.

Although it was a relaxing time, it was also weird. All you really did was hang out with Auston, his family and Freddie while waiting to hear literally anything about things going back to normal, but that never happened. Your work decided that going back wouldn’t be an option even as Toronto entered its reopening phases as a safety precaution. Therefore you’d be working from home for the foreseeable future.

It sucked a lot. You liked your job, your co-workers, and having your own way to be independent in a professional setting, but a global pandemic makes things a bit pretty difficult at times, and sometimes sacrifices need to be made. Lucky for you, though, it could have been a lot worse. And Auston played a massive part in you being able to adapt as well as you have.

The time the two of you spent in Arizona together was great. Obviously, during it, you worked, spent time with the boys and the Matthews family, but a lot of new things happened too. You and Auston welcomed Felix, a Bernedoodle puppy home to be part of the fam, and dealt with life as living in a pandemic continued.

Then the NHL announced its return to play action plan, and things got wild all over again.

Auston began skating and practicing intently again. Plans were being made to get back to Toronto for training before having to go to whatever hub city was chosen for the Eastern Conference teams. With all the talk of possible locations for the playoffs to take place, you weren’t expecting Toronto to be one of the cities in deep consideration, let alone for one of the so-called bubbles actually to be there. But, that was exactly how things played out, so you and Auston prepared accordingly.

After some deep consideration and conversations with your boyfriend, you decided that when the time came, you would go back to Toronto when Auston needed to go. However, there was a period where Auston was sick, and that changed things up a bit even more, but eventually, the two of you and Felix were all set and ready to head back to the 6ix without any further delays.

The two of you settled to being back in Ontario without difficulty. You followed the rules of self-isolating for two weeks upon arriving back to the country, and so did Auston. If he wasn’t at the condo with you, he was at the rink practicing alone, since it wasn’t safe for him to be around his teammates, or the public until those 14 days were up. That was fine though, you both just chilled with Felix, watched the entirety of Sons of Anarchy and Schitt’s Creek, and prepared for how things were bound to change again once the playoffs finally started.

“I feel bad,” Auston said loudly from the bedroom as you walked down the hallway towards it with the basket full of clothes you’d just taken out of the dryer.

“Why is that?” You asked once you entered the room, tossing the clothes on the chair, and got ready to fold them. It was his last night in the condo before having to relocate down the street at the Fairmont for the entire Maple Leafs playoff run. He was busy packing, and you were busy making sure everything was organized and ready for this transition. Even Felix was taking part by laying on the bed and demanding attention from both you and Auston every once in a while.

“You know why,” he deadpanned while looking at you pointedly.

At that, you sighed.

“Aus, we talked about this.”

“I know we did, but now that it’s actually time for me to leave, I’m dreading it even more.”

As much as you tried not to let the situation bug you, it still did. Throughout your entire relationship, there were many times when you and Auston would spend time away from each other, so that part was nothing new. However, you’d never been in the same city without being able to see one another or know when you’d be able to talk face-to-face and not through a screen again would be. And although the whole bubble situation was something you and Auston had talked about a lot over the last month or so, what it entailed still hadn’t quite set in until that moment.

“Me too,” you responded quietly and stared down at the pile of clean clothes, knowing that if you looked at your boyfriend, the tears you felt pricking your eyes would undoubtedly spillover. “But it has to happen, Auston. There isn’t much else we can do, unfortunately.”

“But-.”

“No buts,” you cut him off and snapped your teary gaze to him. “This is your career. And the playoffs! Those are no small things. Regardless of how crappy this entire process is, I’m still going to be here, cheering you on as much as possible. It just sucks so bad that things aren’t normal. That I can’t go down to SBA and watch you be the amazing hockey player that you are with our friends and family, or hug you as soon as you’re done your postgame interview and tell you how proud I am. I’m just so over everything right now, and I’m sorry to be taking this out on you, this is the last thing you should have to deal with before going into the bubble. I just-.”

The way your voice cracked at the end of your spiel had your boyfriend next to you and pulling you into his embrace in a second.

You were on an emotional rant, and Auston knew that. He knew that you had been holding in how you really felt about the NHL’s plan to go ahead with the playoffs, and it was time to let it all out. Although you never expressed your frustrations, you did have quite a few, and Auston was determined to get you to talk about them, especially before he had to leave.

“I’m sorry I’m a mess,” you mumbled while wrapping your arms around his waist and leaned against his chest.

“You’re allowed to be a mess,” he replied and squeezed you. “This isn’t an ideal way for the playoffs to happen, believe me, I know, and I’m still not sure how it’s all going to play out. But know I’m sorry you’re feeling the way that you are because of something I have to do.”

“That’s the thing though, Aus, there is literally nowhere else I’d rather be than here for you... but I’m worried. What if you, or another player, or staff get sick? What will the league do then? I get that they’re strict on how things in the bubble will work and everything, but we’re still in a freaking pandemic. I just don’t think it’s necessary. But regardless of what I think about the NHL’s decision to resume, it doesn’t matter. I’m the one who agreed to come back with you, and I’m going to be here still even if you and the team end up in Edmonton for the finals, and I won’t see you until October. Wow, it sucks, even more, talking about it.”

“God, I know,” he responded before pulling away slightly to look down at you. “I’ll never be able to explain how much I appreciate you coming back and being here with me for all of this. I hate that I’m going to be so closeby and not be able to come home to you and Felix and that you’re going to be here alone, but thank you for being willing to do this for me.”

“Of course, I want to kiss your stupid face again as soon as I can after this,” you pouted. “Even if I have to fly to Alberta in order to do so.”

“Wouldn’t exactly be opposed to that idea,” he told you before leaning down and catching your lips in a soft, sweet kiss. It didn’t take long for you to deepen the kiss by wrapping your arms around the back of his neck and pulling him closer. He smiled against your lips, letting his hands linger on your waist a bit as he waited for you to make the next move. But then, you unexpectedly broke the kiss and turned away from him.

“Well, I guess we better get back to packing, yeah?”

You had the goofiest grin on your face as you reached down to grab one of your t-shirts from the laundry pile, but then Auston let out a dramatic groan from where he stood, and you had to cover your mouth so that you wouldn’t burst out laughing.

“Now you’re just being cruel,” he said as he walked up behind you and leaned his head on your shoulder. You bit down hard on your bottom lip to keep yourself from smiling any wider than you already were as he wrapped his arms around your waist, before eventually turning around to look at him again.

“How so?”

“Seriously?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I think I hear Felix getting into something,” you lied as you tried to worm out of his hold, wanting to mess with him a bit more. But he was on to you, which is also why you didn’t put up a fight when he didn’t let go.

“Babe,” Auston whined. “You’re killing me.”

“Well we can’t have that, you have to go into the bubble tomorrow-.”

Before anything else could be said, Auston pressed his lips against yours again, and you let him. You chuckled slightly before reaching up to tangle your hands into the curls forming due to him not getting a haircut. But you didn’t mind, loved it even, and used it as a way to keep him close.

“You’re full of jokes tonight, huh?” He mumbled against your lips as he slowly guided you towards the bed, all while tugging at the bottom of the hoodie you wore.

“Just for you,” you replied before pecking his lips and moving away just enough to pull the sweater off and toss it on the ground before quickly kissing him again. You then came in contact with the mattress and let Auston lay you back on it. It wasn’t long before he was leaning over you and letting his lips roam to that sweet spot along your collarbone that he knew would have you seeing stars. “I thought you needed to pack.”

“I’ll do it in the morning.”

“You’re going to regret that decision once you realize you’ll have to get up early to get ready,” you challenged.

“No, what I’ll regret is not finishing what we’re starting before I have to leave tomorrow,” he quipped and continued brushing his lips against your skin.

“Alright, fair,” you responded, figuring you’d given him a hard enough time and guided his lips back to yours; the night soon fading around you as melted into each other’s touch.

The next morning, you woke up alone in bed. The blinds were still drawn, Felix was asleep on the rug, and the AC was cranked for some reason. The cold air made goosebumps rise on your exposed skin, causing you to shiver as you pulled the bedsheet up higher to cover more of your body. Just as you started wondering where Auston had gone off to, you heard the shower turn on from the ensuite and suddenly knew where he was. Part of you wanted to just lay in bed for the whole day, but the other more logical part knew there was still a lot to be done before Auston’s departure and that you should probably get up.

You grabbed your housecoat from its place in the closet and put it on before sneaking into the washroom to brush your teeth. Auston didn’t know you were in there with him, but that changed as soon as you finished rinsing off your toothbrush and decided to join him in the shower.

Once the two of you were done in there, you eventually did get dressed and ready to start the day.

Leading up to his last day at the condo, you made sure any running around for him was done so that there would be no added stress, and that’s precisely what happened. The two of you shared a chill morning consisting of a homemade breakfast, packing, taking Felix for a walk, and simply enjoying the other’s presence before Auston had to leave.

And that time came up way too fast.

“I’m going to miss you,” Auston said in the parking lot of the Ford Performance Centre before pulling you in for a hug. You were dropping him off for his last team practice before going into the bubble, but you both knew it’d be the last time the two of you would see each other for a while.

“I’m going to miss you too, so much,” you replied and squeezed him a little tighter. “Even though you’ll be only a few blocks away.”

“It sure won’t feel like it.”

“I know.”

Gradually, some of Auston’s teammates started walking by, and you knew one of you would have to pull away sooner or later. Reluctantly, you were the first to do it.

“You’re gonna be late, Matts,” Mitchy stated as he walked by juggling his suitcase and bags he planned on taking into the bubble. “Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey, Mitch,” you smiled as you leaned back against your car, Auston’s hands still on your waist. “Is Steph still here?”

“She’s just about to leave, I think. Are you two still hanging out this week?”

“Yeah, I’ll probably take Felix over to your house to hang out with Zeus while we watch the game and drink some wine.”

“Sounds like a typical night for you two,” he chuckled and adjusted one of the straps of his bags. “Anyways, I gotta get in there. Actually, we both do.”

He gave Auston a pointed look, and your boyfriend just rolled his eyes.

“Get off my back. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Yeah, ok,” Mitch responded and started walking again. “See ya, Y/N!”

“Bye, Mitch, good luck!” You called after him before looking back to Auston and smiling at him sadly. “You really do need to get going.”

“I know,” he sighed and began picking up his bags so he could start heading towards the building. “I’ll call you tonight once I’m settled in?”

“Yes, please do,” you replied as he looked to you and nodded. “Just give me a heads up when. I’m supposed to Facetime your sisters tonight to give them a Felix update and catch up.”

“Fair enough,” he smiled, to which you returned before pulling him in for one last kiss.

“You’re going to do great, Auston. I love you.”

“And I love you,” he pecked your lips again. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Sounds good,” you said as he began walking away. “Good luck, babe.”

At that, he smiled to you over his shoulder before continuing on his way. You stood there for a moment after he disappeared out of sight, clutching onto the little 34 necklace he had gifted you for Christmas two years prior, before sighing and climbing into your car so you could head back home.

~*~

After Auston entered the bubble, the two of you FaceTimed every day, it wasn’t always planned, sometimes just in the spur of the moment when you were both bored and missing each other, and it really did make the whole transition a lot easier.

The first night, Auston gave you a virtual tour of the Leafs floor at the Fairmont. Then, he told you all about the practice and how the guys chirped him for bringing so many clothes. You couldn’t help but laugh, seeing as you knew it was true, before asking you about your day. Your day was much less eventful, so the topic of conversation shifted rather quickly. You somehow ended up playing Mario Kart on the switch from your living room against Tyson, Kerf and Freddie, all while still on FaceTime with Auston. After a few rounds of that, you were more than ready to call it a night.

Once you had said goodbye to Auston, you curled up in bed with Felix and soon passed out.

That quickly became a routine almost every night the Leafs didn’t have a game. You and Auston would catch up about the day’s events before getting into some friendly competition with the guys over something that would sometimes involve other wives or girlfriends trying to keep their men at bay as well.

On the nights the Leafs did play, you always watched the game in some way. You watched their exhibition game against Montreal with Steph at her house, FaceTimed Auston’s family while watching the first game against Columbus from the condo, and so on.

You witnessed Auston’s goal against the Blue Jackets in Game 2 and couldn’t wait to express how proud you were of him once the two of you were able to talk again that night. You also got to see the 3-0 lead the Leafs lost in Game 3 and listened to your boyfriend vent about it, but still made sure to tell him that you were insanely proud, because you were.

And then Game 4 happened.

Going into that game, you didn’t know what to expect, think, or feel. Obviously, you wanted the Leafs to win. You didn’t want their (sort of) playoff run to be over so soon, but also, the selfish part of you couldn’t help but think about how there was a chance Auston might be home that night. The conflict you felt made you anxious for the actual game, which is why you opted to watch it at home alone with Felix.

You sat on the couch, clutching onto a cushion for the entire game. Before the game started, you decided that although you would have loved for Auston to be home, you wanted the Leafs to push a Game 5. You knew they were capable of going much further than just the qualifying round and were rooting hard for them to win. Still, you gradually became a little less hopeful leading into the last four minutes of the game when Columbus was up 3-0.

But then Willy scored. Less than a minute later so did John, and then Zach managed to tie up the game with just 22 seconds left on the clock. To say you were on the edge of your seat would’ve been an understatement because it was so much more intense than that. You didn’t think what was happening was real, but the flood of texts you received from friends and family about what happened proved you wrong.

During the commercial break, you called Ema, Auston’s mom, who was absolutely losing her mind. You stayed on the phone with her, talking with Auston’s family as your heart pounded in your chest while for overtime to begin.

Then Auston scored the game-winning goal, and you literally screamed. You stood up, staring at the TV in complete awe while his teammates engulfed your boyfriend, and all the Columbus players skated off the ice. Felix looked at you oddly, and you wasted no time in picking him up and pointing to the screen, telling him what his dad just did.

After the reality of what just happened settled in, you said your goodbyes to Auston’s family before texting Steph and some other friends, still losing your mind. You watched the postgame interviews, chuckling at how it was undeniable that even Auston still hadn’t entirely accepted what happened and couldn’t wait until you received the call from him you knew was coming.

About half an hour later, your phone rang, and sure enough, it was Auston.

“I am so proud of you,” you stated as soon as the FaceTime call connected. Auston was walking down the hallway of their hotel floor, smiling widely, and you could see some of his teammates in the background on the phone with loved ones as well. “All of you. Holy fuck, you guys did that!”

“It still doesn’t seem real,” Auston responded. “Like this is real, right? I didn’t dream it?”

“It’s real, babe, you’re going to Game 5!”

“Holy shit.”

You could tell he was in his room by that point with the way he flopped on a bed and couldn’t stop smiling.

“How’s the adrenaline?” You asked and patted the space beside you so that Felix would lay beside you and be in the camera frame.

“Hi buddy,” Auston breathed out, before chuckling. “And oh, it’s pumping. I think I’m going to be up for a while after this.”

“Then what are you doing in your room? Go celebrate with the guys.”

“I know, I will. But I wanted to say goodnight to you first.”

You smiled at how soft he was even after such a significant game, and couldn’t help the blush that burned across your cheeks.

“You’re too sweet,” you said while shaking your head.

“Only for you,” he replied and sat up as someone knocked on his door.

“I think you’re being summoned,” you laughed as he rolled his eyes.

“It’s Mitchy telling me to get out of my room.”

“I think you better listen before they barge in.”

“True,” he responded. “I guess I will go. I’ll call you tomorrow? We’re off for the day.”

“I’ll be here,” you answered him softly. “Now, go be with your team, and don’t forget to call your mom.”

“Oh, yes, right, I’ll do that right now. I love you. Thank you for always supporting me.”

“And I love you, babe, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Ok, bye,” he replied and blew you a quick kiss just before the call ended.

You stared at your screen for a minute until it went dark and shook your head. Your heart was bursting with how proud you were and how much you loved your boyfriend, that even you weren’t sure if you’d be able to fall asleep right away. After scrolling through social media for a bit and liking every Maple Leafs post that showed up in your timeline, you eventually called it a night and set your phone down.

Just as you did that, though, your phone buzzed with a goodnight text from Auston.

Auston

Sleep tight. I love you.x

You laid there, smiling at the device for a moment before texting back.

Y/N

I love you more. Goodnight Auston.x

Auston

Not possible

Your heart swelled as you read over his last message multiple times before deciding what to text back.

Y/N

Bet.

Now go, babe. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.

Auston

Love you too <3

After shutting your phone off again, you finally let yourself relax even while being overcome by an emotional wave of just how much you loved your boyfriend. You knew that whether or not Auston came home after Game 5, the two of you would be ok. The distance hadn’t affected anything, and you knew it wouldn’t even if the Leafs did make it to the finals, and you and Auston were separated for a long time. It’d all be worth it in the end, and you couldn’t wait to see how the rest of the Leafs playoff run was bound to play out.

Hello friends! Somehow I managed to write this in a day, anyways, I’d love to hear what you think! And Go Leafs!

#auston matthews imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #nhl writing #auston matthews fanfiction #nhl headcanon #nhl imagines #nhl rpf #toronto maple leafs imagine #auston matthews imagines #nhl fic #hockey fanfiction #hockey rpf #hockey imagine

198 notes · View notes

aahsokaatano · 3 years

Note

King I would love that essay about Changing Channels

Fjdjshjdhdjd thanks for reading my tags Jesse you're the real VIP here.

Okay SO "Changing Channels" is the 8th episode of the 5th season of Supernatural. I give this information bc it's important in looking at the context of the episode - now I've complained a LOT about how SPN is terrible at giving us canonical timeframes within the episodes (y'all i was SHOCKED to discover the first season is supposed to cover a little over a year's worth of time, I thought it was like... 4 or 5 months) so I can't say for sure how long before and after the other episodes happen in-universe around "Changing Channels" BUT

The episode before is "The Curious Case of Dean Winchester" where Dean and Bobby bet years of their lives in a game of poker with a witch. The episode after is "The Real Ghostbusters" where Sam and Dean end up at a fan convention for the in-universe Supernatural novels.

Why am I pointing this out? Because it's important, please, no audience participation, this is like a Brian David Gilbert panel.

[under a cut bc this got...... STUPID long. Who knew I still had this many opinions about SPN in 2020?]

Okay first of all I wanna talk about the cinnamon topography of this episode - I love the way the first 5 seasons are shot because you really feel the americana gothic horror aesthetic they were going for (I have a whole ‘nother rant about the first 5 seasons vs the last 10 but thats for another time). Everything is a little washed out and grey-toned, the camera angles generally serve to make Sam and Dean appear even taller than they actually are (larger than life - again, another post for another time), and there’s honestly a LOT of shots from the ‘monster’s’ perspective, which is really neat! I’ve said it before (on another blog - YES i have a dedicated spn rant blog, don’t @ me hdjfhfjfh) but the episode that really got me hooked on spn back in the day was the second one, about the w*ndigo. Yes, it’s a racist, culturally appropriating shitstorm, but the way its SHOT is fantastic. I’m honestly not a horror fan, but that episode could have easily relied on jumpscares and they DIDN’T and it was scary as all fucking hell and just - fuck okay getting off topic.

In “Changing Channels” we get that distinctive grey-washed tone in the beginning and the very end of the episode, but the middle? When they’re in TV Land? Everything is bright. Almost comically so, I mean - okay look at these two shots of Sam (apologies about the crappy phone pics, netflix won't let me screenshot)

This one is from the start of the episode, in the "real" police station

And this is from a little later in the "TV" hospital

Ignoring that my phone is washing him out a lot in both pics, you can still see the warmer tones in the hospital shot as compared to the cold greyness in the police station one

Okay, now look at this picture

Dean inside the Impala, and those warm tones are back. Why? Because even though Sam and Dean believe that they’re back in the “real” world, they aren’t - so instead of the grey-washed shots that we’re used to, its the bright and warm shots that we see in “TV Land”! So the viewers pick up, even if its just subconsciously, that the boys aren’t out of the woods yet - everything is still too bright to be the in-universe reality we’ve come to expect from SPN by season 5

Which is also why i love this shift so much

These shots are literally SECONDS apart. The first is in "TV Land" and the second is in the "real" world. I have some red strip lights behind my bed, which are reflecting off my laptop screen - notice how much brighter they seem in the second picture? That’s because literally all of the warm colors have been drained out of the shot. As soon as Gabriel snaps them all back into “reality,” things get so much colder.

Okay, so the second thing I want to talk about is some of the very pointed dialogue choices within the “shows” the Winchesters take part in. Not between Sam and Dan and Gabriel, but from the, for lack of a better term, NPCs within the shows.

In the hospital, Dr. Piccolo tells Sam that he is “the finest cerebrovascular neurosurgeon I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your table; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.” Standard cheesy soap opera dialogue - but lemme just swap some words here and -

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your hunt; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.”

Or even -

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So Jessica and Mary died above you; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault [but Azazel’s]. Sometimes people just die.”

Keeping in mind that the NPCs are basically Gabriel’s mouthpieces, its easy to see why so many people ship Sabriel. I’d actually love to see a fic that explores them talking about this moment in particular later on and the kind of gentle forgiveness that Gabriel can give Sam... getting off topic again.

In an abrupt about-face, the herpes commercial (much meme’d within the fandom) is straight up Gabriel shaming Sam. Because if you replace “genital herpes” with “demon blood” it’s.... dark. And very intentional.

So that’s what I did! (I combined all spoken lines to make the message easier to read, rather than splitting them up across 3 speakers as in the episode)

“I’ve drank demon blood. I tried to be responsible... did I try. But now, after being forcibly detoxed, I fight my addiction every day to reduce the chances of passing back into that toxic mindset. Ask your loved ones about a demon blood intervention today. [...] I am doing all I can to slightly lessen the chance of drinking demon blood again. And that’s a good thing.”

Like... the subtext throughout this episode sure is. Something.

Okay this is getting ridiculously long so I wanna wrap up by talking about The Best Scene In The Whole Goddamn Show

I’m talking, of course, about Gabriel’s Confession

“Max,” you might be saying, “there are so many better scenes out there, even within the first five seasons!” and to that i say, again, no audience participation, please. Also, you’re WRONG and here’s why!

Gabriel’s confession hits every goddamn emotional chord that the fandom begged for on this show - fear, rage, grief, pain, guilt, and even, yes, absolution.

Okay, here’s the scene again for those of you who don’t think about it at least once a week like me

youtube

Now this video is missing some of the conversation, but most of it is there, enough for you to see what I’m talking about. Gabriel up to this point has been, essentially, a nameless antagonist - this is the third episode he appeared in, and before this, we didn’t even know he was going by Loki. He was just referred to as ‘The Trickster’. But here, not only do we get a name (a real name at that), but we also get a glimpse of his backstory and a hell of a lot of character development in less than 5 minutes. I mean, Sam didn’t get this much character development throughout the entirety of season 1! There’s a good reason Gabriel has been a fan-favorite for a very long time, and I think a big part of it is this particular scene.

Because here, we get to see Gabriel being vulnerable. And we even see Dean show a little vulnerability, as he can empathize being the third party to explosive arguments between the two people who mean everything to him.

I mean... okay, it will never see the light of day, but I wrote a little bit of a Reverse ‘Verse fic (because I’m a sucker for Reverse ‘Verse) and this was the scene I started with. Not s1e1, not even the resurrection in s4e1, but this scene. Because this scene, more than any other, is critical to the way not only Gabriel’s (first) arc plays out, but also to how Sam and Dean conduct themselves for the rest of the season (and maybe a bit beyond, it’s been a hot minute since I watched s6 and later). Dean is angry but determined, he has a point to make, he is going to save Sammy and if he can’t do that, then he’s going to damn well die trying. But Sam... it’s after this episode that we start really seeing how bone-achingly tired Sam is. It’s after this conversation - where one of the other archangels, one of the few beings who can truly understand how powerful Michael and Lucifer are - says that there’s no other way around this that Sam seems to start inching towards giving in. Saying yes.

Sure, in the actual episode, he seems outraged by the idea, practically scoffs at it - “you want us to say yes to those sons of bitches?” - but it’s after this where Sam really seems run down.

I mean, look at the episodes before and after (HAH you thought I forgot about that first point I made at the very beginning of this post! I did, briefly, but I’ve circled back to it, thanks for being understanding). In “The Curious Case of Dean Winchester,” Sam behaves much as he did since the start of s4, which is to say, ‘annoying little know-it-all brother tossed into the middle of the apocalypse and just trying his best’ and it works well for the mad scramble for any scrap of information that’s happening in s4/early s5.

But in “The Real Ghostbusters” it’s different. This is another funny meta episode - except, while Sam and Dean are technically aware of the joke, they aren’t as amused by it as the audience is. And it’s not because of the ghosts. It’s because they’re just... done. Especially Sam. Dean has that nice little moment with the cosplayers at the end of the episode, but Sam... threatens to shoot Chuck. Sam ‘goes darkside’ more often than pretty much any other character in the show, but that moment is different. It’s a flat promise, not a threat. He’s not being an asshole, like he is after losing his soul. He’s just... done. And it’s obvious to see.

Gabriel’s confession is the turning point for Sam in s5, and it informs a lot of his behavior through the rest of s5, and possibly beyond! Like I said, I haven’t watched past s5 in a very long time, so I don’t feel confident enough to analyze that specific sort of character line, but I feel confident in saying that hearing one of the most powerful beings in the universe basically say “it doesn’t matter what you do - your destiny is unavoidable” and then he’s proven right (Sam says yes to Lucifer, and Dean eventually does say yes to Michael down the line!)... like, that’s really gotta fuck up your world view that was built on free will and throwing off the shackles of fate. Sam managed to avoid his ‘destiny’ in s2... but then it turns out that that wasn’t ever his destiny. Lucifer was his destiny.

Talk about an obscured view of the inner self.

#thebisexualmandalorian #jesse #max answers #spn #naturally super #changing channels #im having some THOUGHTS yall

36 notes · View notes

aboutlouishofmann · 4 years

Text

White Lies Magazine Interview with Louis Hofmann

How long are you in England for? I'm currently staying for six weeks, but I've already been here for five and a half so I'm only here for a couple more days before heading back to Germany for rehearsals for my next film.

Really, or did they kick you out because of Brexit ?

No they didn't (laughs) - and luckily there are no real changes until December so I can get in and out without a problem. I'm not exactly sure what will change for Germans anyway, if there are new regulations or if it will be the same in terms of travelling. It's gonna be really crappy for basically everyone leaving the UK - if you consider that someone who has a band for example and plays a tour around Europe will need to pay or be passport-controlled with their equipment every time they cross borders. It might not matter for a big band like Coldplay but small bands will have a lot of trouble with that.

Actually Coldplay has suspended their tours until they can find a way to make them sustainable.

I know and I think that is amazing!

How are you with environmentalism, are you active?

I wish I was more active to be honest, because I have a platform on Instagram which I could use a bit more - I'm just always quite scared when it comes to posting because I know that so many people then talk about it and judge me for what I have posted. l don't have an issue with taking a political side on an I think fairly easy topic to take sides on when it comes to the environment. But then again it's this general thing of posting something and l know 400.000 people will look at it or make up their mind about it - have an opinion and voice it. It's just something that scares me, so that is holding me back a bit but I'm trying a bit more.

Understood. But isn't it the same with doing a movie or starring in a TV series, you put it out there and everyone is going to judge you ? Even more people than just your followers as a matter of fact.

Of course. But that's my job. That's what I love to do, that's what I've chosen to do. I have not chosen to be someone who is followed by 400.000 people on Instagram, that sort of just happened.

It's a side effect.

It is and I am grateful for it but it also scares me (laughs).

That makes sense. But do you even realise how famous you are? I remember I walked into someone's house in Korea last year and they were watching "Dark" that very moment, all fans of yours.

I don't think I get it. No, I don't quite get it. When I talk to casting directors about my value on the English language market they will eventually tell me that it's not as profound as they want it to be to play a main role in an English language feature film. You have to separate between being known from something and being so known for quality that you have international value - having sort of a critical acclaim and value in different countries. I don't think I'm there yet and would only consider myself famous, which is already weird to discuss and acknowledge out loud. For now, to be fair, I'm just the guy from "Dark".

It did reach a bit of an iconic status though, also your character. Everyone is going to remember you for that yellow raincoat.

I hope they won't only remember me for only that (laughs).

Do you wear a yellow raincoat in private ?

No, there is no opportunity for me anymore to wear a yellow raincoat. It's not possible. But let's get back once more to environmentalism. One thing is stating your opinion on social media but the other thing is when it comes to acting myself, to change my daily life to help the environment. I would say I'm quite conscious about it and avoid flying and consuming local produce. Focus on quality and try to not waste products.

Who is inspiring you?

Leonardo Dicaprio for example. But I don't know if he necessarily acts himself that way, but he does something about speaking out about it - using his figure and position as an activist to talk about it. I quite like that.

He is doing one thing I could personally not do however. Speaking out for something and then doing the opposite in his private life. And that judgement is what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of getting perceived as a hypocrite. But then again being perceived as that in terms of climate change doesn't really help because it needs to be spoken about and maybe you do not do as much as you talk about it. But at least you raise awareness and take even just a small part.

I absolutely agree. I think we need to re-think that whole concept of hypocrisy in this thing because if he reaches a couple of million people and they are changing something about it - even if he is doing the opposite - he is still doing a lot of good with it. Even though he is a hypocrite I think we need to redefine what it means - at the end of the day we will all be hypocrites because no one is really going to be able to live completely sustainably, we can't think in those absolute terms too much. Everyone needs to start with one thing - picking their battles. Focus on plastic for example, we may get better at disposing of it while still being bad in terms of traveling for example, but that is okay, we can only do one thing at a time.

Don't you think it's crazy that in relation to something like the coronavirus pandemic, pressing and tangible as it affects us now - everybody is afraid, everyone acts, the government acts and everyone is doing their part. Then there is climate change which is more intangible because it's still far away and people don't really care about it - I think this is a problem. Why only act about something that only affects yourself? It's quite selfish and stands for a lot more than only this.

That's it. We went really deep pretty quick didn't we? The most pressing question however is - how often do you cry watching movies ?

I do like to cry when I watch films, because I think I'm quite empathetic so I can relate to the characters a lot. I don't often do it but I really do not mind - it means I'm involved in the story. I like crying in movies. Therefore I know it has touched me somehow.

I have a weird relationship to crying in movies, I like doing it but there is a certain place where I cry much more easily - on planes. It's quite strange actually but I get very emotional when I'm up in the air.

That's good, I guess? Have you seen the film "Click"? It's not the greatest film out there, it's with Adam Sandler. But there is a scene in the end where he (spoiler alert) dies. There is a remote with which he can forward his life and he fasts forward to the moment when he dies. It's very dramatic, tragic - almost pathetic and still I started crying because I imagined that happening to me and felt so sad (laughs).

This is going to be the headline: Louis Hofmann, the guy who cries at Adam Sandler movies.

I can imagine you being the guy who would make a head- line like this.

Have you ever died in a movie?

[START OF SPOILER]

Yes, I've died in "Alone in Berlin" and also in "Prélude", where my character hangs himself in the end.

How was that for you?

I was not very attached to myself at that moment. I mean eventually it gets cut out. So the moment I actually die they cut off and it turns black. I still enacted the scenes but it was weird, it was more of a physical thing than an emotional one when I acted it. It's just sometimes with very physical scenes - the dynamic approach and action can be so mentally and intellectually exhausting that there is not much room left for emotional attachment. It didn't feel I was dying myself. It did hurt though, I had the rope around my neck.

[END OF SPOILER]

Good one. Do you believe in fairytales?

No I don't. But I do like "Bojack Horseman" though because it seems so dumb first but turns so philosophical.

In general, what is happiness to you?

I don't know what it means to me but I know when l feel happy - that's when I'm grounded, when I'm self-assured and when I feel like I'm really being myself. When I reach that state I feel happiness. Sharing that happiness with someone is what's most important. Happiness is truly being yourself.

Very profound answer. How is your work- life balance, are you always working?

I think it's quite okay. The only thing I kind of need to improve is that - when I work I work 100% and I tend to think about the year in little phases. I work then I'm free, then I work then I'm free. And I always only take really care of myself in the times when I have spare time. When I work my health and my hobbies - I just do not look at that. It's all about the work. I want to get somewhere where I can balance those things better.

The thing I really wanted to touch base with you on was the future of movies. We are talking about technology, virtual reality, 3D. Would you like to do some work in 3D?

I would only like to do something in 3D if the new technology elevates the film to another level and makes sense story-wise. I'm not a fan of it only if it looks good. If it helps the story to evolve into something bigger then it's okay. I'm an admirer of that old cinema look, of that really organic taste of a film. I don't know if I would like to act in a VR film. What I don't like about new technologies is that the acting itself and the characters and craft are kind-of left behind. In the foreground it's only the technique, the focus is too much on the visual aspects rather than the screencraft.

I totally understand what you're saying - but if you think about it this way now - people probably said the same thing about colour films in times of black/white films because colours took away the attention from the acting. I think it's about what we are used to. If we say in a couple of years it's normal to consume everything in 3D and VR, do we still think about that?

I mean it surely is incredible what they have achieved and still continue to achieve with 3D and VR. Remarkable how they portray an illusion and tell a story in such a unique and involving way. I'm just always afraid that if you want to tell a character based story with that technique, the characters and the acting will be left behind due to the sheer amount of attention the technical stuff needs from the cast and the team. But of course it's fascinating and intriguing. And since we sort of got used to seeing films in 3D, maybe that's also gonna happen to VR.

How do you think we will consume movies and series in 20 years or how does acting actually change? Looking at "Death Stranding", a video game by Hideo Koji-ma that stars an impressive cast with Mads Mikkelsen, Lea Seydoux and Norman Reedus, to name but a few. They are in this game as actors through 3D scanning. Imagine this fast-forwarded 20 years.

I really hope that traditional acting doesn't die. I don't know - in 30 years I'll probably think differently but right now I think you can not replace something natural with something computer-generated. If the technology evolves, maybe it will be possible.

Anyway, how does it feel like to see yourself in a sex scene?

(laughs) I've always said I separate myself from the character when I watch my films. It's the character who gets naked and has sex, it's not me. It's just when you are around people who you know personally, it might get awkward, for example with my mom. You just have to evaluate if nudity and sex is necessary for the story and the character - if it is, it's not tough to watch.

It's a powerful meditation on how to detach yourself from something, isn't it?

For sure, it doesn't always work though.

#Louis Hofmann #dark netflix #louishofmann #darknetflix #jonas kahnwald #jonaskahnwald

83 notes · View notes

samanthalendo · 3 years

Text

Why I Almost Went To UT Austin; And Why I Didn’t

(As a preface: I will be speaking mainly in vague details about my personal life and the college I ended up choosing. This is for my own privacy and comfort. In addition, I am not bashing the UT system or anyone who choose to go there; I have loved ones going there very soon, and I have a lot admiration for the school and all the opportunities it can afford someone. However, these are the reasons I will not be attending and some reasons any school might miss out on students they might have otherwise garnered. As well, all photos are mine unless otherwise stated. Enjoy!)

Let me set the scene.

Choosing a college is hard. It’s freakin hard. It’s even more difficult in the middle of a global pandemic. You can’t actually go anywhere, can’t take tours or go to fairs or get a feel for the city you want to call home. I struggled a lot with really connecting to any of the schools I was interested in. Lots of apathy towards the whole process. Despite all this, I had one school I had been interested in since the end of sophomore year, and I thought that was the only place I wanted to go.

The University of Texas at Austin appealed to me for a few different reasons. In no particular order:

It was close to family.

I have tons, and I mean tons of family in Texas. This would have put me significantly closer to them and meant I had a support system when going to college. Making sure I would have a nice warm dinner and bath to escape to on crappy days seems pretty nice during global pandemics! Notably, however, it was not close to my immediate family.

It was in a big city.

Looking back I can laugh at myself and the idea I had for my college experience. At the time I was much more focused on the social and Instagramable side of the school I chose. Any time my parents suggested a school, the first thing I did was look for photos of it. If it didn’t have the feel I was looking for (young, new, hip, growing) I seldom looked further.

Austin was exactly what I was looking for. A city with a 32.4% growth rate in the last decade (1), it screamed new and exciting. I wanted to be apart of that vibe during college, especially when I thought my boyfriend and I would be going to the same place (we are still happily together and just going to different schools, btw). Anything less didn’t seem worth it or fun enough.

It’s a high ranking journalism school.

Rankings are subjective so it absolutely depends on where you look, but UT Austin consistently ranks within the top ten journalism schools in the nation, which is incredible. I’ve wanted to study journalism since about sophomore year and I was so excited that on top of the aforementioned attributes, this would be a reputable place to study and get a degree from. Truth be told, I didn’t do nearly any research into the actual programs, opportunities, or benefits UTA offered, #foreshadowing.

UTA was the first school I applied to, and as such it established my expectations for how applying to a big name school would work. Let me just say it, the application process sucked. I ended up writing two full-length essays, only one of which I used and extensively edited, and at least five different short answer paragraphs. I believe I also had to submit a resume when I applied for the Journalism Honors program, though that was additional. It was intense, and quite honestly didn’t seem worth it. Up until this point I was pretty much riding the wave of, “Yeah, UT Austin, that’s a school people will respond positively to when they ask where I’m going.” As aforementioned, I hadn’t done any in-depth research into what programs UT had to offer me, but from what little looking I had done, nothing was jumping out at me. With nothing spectacular being shown to me on a silver platter, enticing me to #golonghorns, the arduous application process felt taxing and stressful.

(A little side note on writing college essays: do not force yourself to write about something that doesn’t feel genuine to you. I don’t care if you think you have something that they’re bound to notice or admire; if you’re not passionate about it, you won’t get anywhere. As mentioned, I wrote two different essays when applying to UT. In my first essay, I wrote about leadership experiences in high school and how they shaped me. Important? Yes. Influential for me? Absolutely. But nothing I’m ready to rave about to anyone who walks through the door. That essay felt fake and artificial. I knew I didn’t like it or want it to represent me. So, I sat down and started writing about a situation that happened over the summer at my high school, one that really ground my gears. I couldn’t stop talking about how upset I was. I wrote all about the experience and how it made me want to be a better journalist and to always help to portray the truth. If anyone would like to know more about that story, let me know. The point is, I was passionate about the topic and it made it much easier to write believably. I didn’t just need this piece to represent me, I wanted it to represent me. I wanted the application readers to understand my frustration and feel all the emotions I felt in those moments. Pick something you feel that way about.)

I’m not going to BS and say that the application process will be fun if the school you’re applying to is the right one for you. All I’m saying is it should feel worth it, like all this hard work and effort is really going to culminate into your dream school. I definitely didn’t feel that with UTA, which was one of my first red flags. I felt very disconnected from the school, like I was just another fish in the pond of out of state applicants, hoping they’d like my bright colors over the next.

A little background: I am, for the purposes of Texas schools, an out-of-state applicant. I don’t have residency in TX and I didn’t go to a public high school in TX, and this contributes heavily to UTA admissions. I’ll link a great article going further in-depth on the admissions numbers and percentages, but due to the advantages granted to TX resident applicants, approximately only 9% of UTA students are out of state (2). That number is so low because TX students in the top 6% of their graduating class, no matter their test scores, are automatically accepted. This means that on top of great grades, out-of-state applicants for UTA have ACT scores that are between 3-5 points higher and SAT scores that are about 150 points higher than their average TX counterpart.

If you aren’t stressed out just reading that, teach me your ways because I was sure was.

This was sort of where the perceived animosity started between myself and UTA. I constantly checked my email and mailbox, hoping to get a letter or promotional email or something to indicate they were interested in me as a student. Seldom did they ever come. I got hundreds of emails from other schools and received nearly as much snail mail, but hardly ever from UT, even after I asked to receive their newsletters and an informational packet (which never came, BTW).

I quickly came to realize that all of this was likely due to the fact that I was so far away, out of the UT sphere of control or influence. Most of the emails I received were from schools in my neighboring states or in my state, closer with a higher likelihood of recruiting me. A school in TX, where I did not study or hold residency, would not seek me out.

Here’s my issue. They didn’t have to seek me out. That’s fine, whatever, makes sense. But I sought them out. I signed up for everything. I filled out their long application, sent it in early. I tried to tour the school in the throws of COVID, having to settle for a self-paced walk about an empty campus to satisfy my need to know more about this school, to learn more about what it could offer me. None of my efforts proved fruitful, and it didn’t feel like the school really wanted me there. I wondered whether this was really where I wanted to be.

By mid-November, while I wouldn’t have called myself discouraged, I would definitely have identified with the word antsy. When I sent in my application in September, they notified me that I would get my answer sometime in January or February. I can’t even explain how far away that felt. Especially being out of state, I wanted to know their decision as quickly as possible. The wait felt like an eternity.

My dad has always stressed the importance of not putting all your eggs in one basket. While I had shot my shot with UT and was waiting for the scoreboard to change, he was still exploring other options I had in the world of journalism schools. Without me knowing or really agreeing, he scheduled a tour with a school about two hours away from where we lived. It would be on a Saturday, just the two of us, and we’d make a day trip out of it. Honestly, I was more excited for the trip than the school itself. It had always been one I had turned my nose up at; to be fair, I did that with almost any school that wasn’t UT.

We were about five minutes late to the opening presentation at the school. Quickly shuffling into the only seats we saw, some in the very front row of the socially distanced conference hall, we settled in for a lot of new information coming our way. Though he had planned it, my dad didn’t know that much about the school either. We were both skeptical, a bit frazzled, and tired from having woken up around five o’clock that morning.

But with every slide, every question, every time the presenter opened her mouth, we were drawn further in.

It wasn’t just the feel of the school, or the location, or the looks. The facts didn’t lie. I won’t share too many so as to keep at least some privacy, but to say this school was my diamond in the rough wouldn’t be too much of an overstatement. Despite that, throughout the day and our two guided tours, I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, keeping me from getting too excited about this new school. I couldn’t help but think about UT and all of the emotional commitment I had already made to it. How excited my family was that I was hoping to go there, how happy my grandmother was that I would be closer to her. I thought of the teachers I had complained to about the long essays, the people who had edited those essays for me. I thought about the burnt orange hoodie sitting in my closet, towards the front due to how often I wore it.

The new school won over both my heart and my head. While I really felt at home there, I also would have to have been dead to overlook all of the opportunities it could afford me. I was close to my immediate family and the town I had gone to high school in. I could come home often, visit family and friends more frequently than if I moved states away. Everything seemed right.

In between our tours, due to the nagging I was feeling, I tried to schedule a tour with UTA, to at least give it a fighting chance. I figured, had I not had an in-person tour of this new school, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Maybe a real tour would make me fall in love with UT again. However, when I tried to schedule one, all of the tours for the rest of the semester were completely booked, and the calendar wasn’t yet available for the spring semester. I immediately called to find out more, only to be told that they weren’t sure the state of in-person tours upon return to campus after holidays due to COVID. Looking back, I know it was a sign. UT had, for all intents and purposes, closed its doors on me. It was time I accepted the willing arms of the school I gazed upon with wonder, truly in limbo as to what might happen next.

By the end of December, I was admitted and had committed to the new school. I wouldn’t find out about UT for another month, but honestly, I didn’t really need to. This new school had everything I could ever want, and UT had a fair amount of drawbacks. I didn’t and still don’t feel any remorse for committing without having known UT’s decision on me.

I received an email January 29th, over a month after having committed to the new school, that I needed to check my UT MyStatus page. I never really worried about getting in due to my test scores and grades, but I felt a level of anger towards the school that I thought I had gotten over, and finding out I had gotten in after all would bring up new emotions. I checked the page, and sure enough I had been admitted to the University of Texas at Austin’s class of 2025. I wasn’t elated or jumping up and down with joy or breaking down happy crying in my parent’s arms. I was pretty stoic, thinking about all that could have been had I felt any more like UT really wanted me.

(3)

All things happen for a reason. Because I didn’t feel much reciprocation in my love for UT, I instead found the school of my dreams, one that I know I’ll be much happier at. I wouldn’t change any of my decisions, except maybe stressing over the essays as much as I did.

My final thoughts would have to be this: I don’t blame the UT system for not focusing as much on its out-of-state applicants. I mean, I do, but I understand that it’s often simply not in their best interest. I do think that they should have reached out, sent more newsletters, have actually sent me the information packet I requested, anything to make me feel more connected with this place I was dying to call home. While I know they aren’t very focused on bringing in students from other states, I think they should be, especially for those that are going the extra mile to reach out to them.

The right school will have a lot of different things for every different person. For me, that meant being close to my immediate family, knowing I would have all of the opportunities I wanted, being financially secure, and feeling like the school wanted me, not just the other way around. UT didn’t provide me all of that. Finding the school that will is the most important thing. Your needs and wants may be different, but don’t toss all of your eggs in one basket. Don’t be afraid to change your mind and always keep looking for something better. For all you know, it may be out there.

(Thank you so much for reading! Links are below. This is just meant to be an opinion piece and is the first thing I’ve written for myself in a very long time. I hope you learned something and that this may be helpful on your college journey! Au revoir!)

1. https://www.austinchamber.com/economic-development/austin-profile/population/overview

2. https://magoosh.com/hs/college-admissions/ut-austin-admissions-the-sat-act-scores-and-gpa-you-need-to-get-in/

3. https://news.utexas.edu/2020/09/22/four-year-graduation-rate-tops-70-as-ut-austin-admits-one-of-its-largest-first-year-classes/

#ut austin #university of texas #texas #college #journalism #photography #uta #university of texas at austin #university #admissions #ut2025 #2025 #bell tower #writing #opinion #samanthalendo

7 notes · View notes

phantomato · 3 years

Text

Waterlogged, Ch. 11

Too soon, it was January, and Hermione owled him.

They started small. Tea on the weekends, perhaps breakfast or lunch in the Muggle world. She would touch his hand and laugh as he told stories about his geriatric colleagues. “Lord Slughorn thought the American Muggles were still having a civil war,” he’d say, or, “Lady Flint told me that back in the mid-1800s, when she was new on the Wizengamot, one of the members hit another with his cane over import fees for honeydew melons.” They would talk about the absurdity of these purebloods, so lost in their own world, and wonder if it was possible they would ever live long enough to be so out-of-touch. “No,” Hermione would insist, “we’re too grounded in our Muggle roots,” and she would make a broad gesture at the dingy place where they were eating their ration-impacted fry-ups. Tom would bite back a comment about whose Muggle roots the crappy old café filled with factory workers really reflected, and suggest, instead, “It would happen to anyone if they got as old as Dippet,” and they would marvel that the man was still employed.

Tom would cajole her in an attempt to learn her plans, but Hermione stayed quiet on that front. “Not out in public,” she would deflect, and he would raise an eyebrow as he looked pointedly at their Muggle surroundings. She never caved. She would put her hand on his arm and give it a squeeze, though, and promise him “soon.” “What’s keeping you?” he would ask, and she would just shake her head and give him that sweet, clever little smile that said she was planning something. They would return to compiling notes on the Wizengamot members and Ministry department heads and he would let the topic drop for the day.

Then Hermione started coming over.

[AO3]

What do they do when Hermione comes over??? (they fuck)

Meta below the fold

We’re getting into the meat of this relationship, the parts of Tom/Hermione that inspired the fic title. They’re something waterlogged, bloated and misshapen and unpleasant to the touch, and even if you managed to dry it back out again, it would be warped beyond recognition.

It’s infuriating to me in the way that nearly all relationships in your late teens/early 20s are infuriating, this mess of codependence where two people stagnate together because moving forward would involve risks and that’s impossible to contemplate at an age when so much in life is changing, and you feel compelled to hang on to whatever stability you can find, even if it’s not good stability. Negative values are constants just as much as positive values, y’know? (Forgive me bringing it back to computer science; I am programmed for one thing.)

This is where sticking with Tom’s POV gets itchy. There’s a temptation to flip over to Hermione and give some due to her thoughts, let her emotions and conflicts breathe so that we get to see her in a more sympathetic light. Even if Tom isn’t cursing her or upset with her—and pretty clearly, he’s not, not long-term, not in a serious way—when I read this, I see her as somewhat villainous. And she must not be, she must have feelings about the whole situation that are more complicated than “fuck that guy,” but this is Tom’s story and so: does it really matter? If she’s not vocalizing those feelings, if she keeps him at arm’s length, what does it matter what type of fondness she has for him, if she likes how he smiles, if she thinks he’s irresistible when he moans, whatever.

Switching their typical ship roles is like wearing a jacket where the shoulders are too small. It’s uncomfortable when you move. It doesn’t bend naturally. You want to take it off and put on something familiar, something that fits better, but I think—at least, it works like this for me—I’ll never not notice how shoulders fit again after that experience. every future jacket will be evaluated for the fit of the shoulders, and maybe I’ll realize that some past jackets didn’t fit as well as I’d thought, just not as badly as this one. Is this metaphor too drawn-out?

I had wanted to talk more about the politics in my writeup for this post, to close out. I’m really proud of Hermione’s ideas, here, and I think she’s fucking on target. The wizarding world is nuts and should be ripped apart, brick by brick, and reforged into something more sensible, and there’s no way to do that without getting at least metaphorically violent.

However.

I posted this chapter yesterday morning, and then I turned on the news and watched extremists storm the American Capitol building and suddenly, writing a fic that even vaguely touched on politics made me feel a little ill. The scene where she talks about education reform was written back in October, it’s actually one of the first things that I wrote for this fic, and now I feel like I should be meditating on what I’m covering a little bit more before diving further in. I have one more chapter already written, and I might post just that before taking some space. I’m not totally sure. I just... Hermione, in this story, is meant to be very ideologically radical in a way that is both extremely progressive and also, sometimes, self-aggrandizing. She’s high on her own passion, and it’s meant to occasionally hurt others. That’s the story. I’m not sure how to tell that respectfully in this moment.

#tomione #tom riddle #hermione granger #hermione x tom #tom x hermione #hp fanfic #waterlogged

7 notes · View notes

ghost1643 · 4 years

Text

The disastrous like of a Aromantic psychic

Saiki has never felt romantic attraction ever. Sure, it might seem odd to normal people but, this was Saiki, and Saiki wasn't like normal people. Oh no he was a very power psychic. One who almost always knew when anything happened. Mainly resulting in him knowing he was an anime character. Thus why he knew it was a fan fiction he was currently in.

Yet, even in this fanfic he was 'forced', (as he would word it), to help people and avoid getting attention.

He sighed listening to Nendo go on and on about this girl he saw in the hall with his other classmate, Shun Kēido. Both of which had refused to leave him alone for years now and considered themselves his friends. He usually could put up with them, but not today.

Not after this morning.

Saiki had Nendo fall down the stairs onto of him which hurt and was hard to tell was coming since his mind was told small to be read. Then Shin had spilt his drink all over him this morning. From there things just spiralled. Everyone he hung out with had either done something that could physically hurt him, done something to annoy him or damaged his property.

Yet, he would have ignored it. He would have ignored it all if it wasn't for what was just about to happen.

He was tuning his friends out, just as Teruhashi's thought came into his mind speaking over the rest. He quickly picked up his books just in time to save them as she slammed her hands down on the table but, he had been to distracted by the two males blabbering on to save his desert.

His beloved rice pudding dropped to the floor spilling all over.

Teruhashi jumped back apologizing and cleaning the mess. Then she threw it out like it was nothing. Then she proceeded to try and get him to talk to her. It was like nothing happene.

....and that was the moment Saiki broke. Years of putting up with these people. Years of putting with their stupid thoughts. Years of saving them from themselves and convincing himself that their fates would affect him. Risking possible damage to himself for these people. Heck, even saving a few of them from death and this was how he was relayed.

By losing the one thing that mattered most to him.

He felt the colour leave his face as his mind snapped. He just looked up at Teruhashi who was jus smiling, trying to flirt with him. After all it had been three years of talking to his body without him replying.

"I'm just saying we could totally hang out sometime. I mean all three of us can go to Karoke athis Friday-"

"IM DONE!" Saiki snapped standing up. He didn't seem to notice everyone staring at him. He didn't notice the tears in his eyes. He worked so hard and for what? The one thing he loved the most was being ignored.

"Wha-"

And then he did it before she could say another word. He came out in front of the whole school.

"I can't take the flirting anymore! I've tried to give you every hing I could! I'm aromatic okay?! I don't wanna date anyone! I-I can't do it anymore!" He snapped at god knows who anymore before racing off down the hall. He didn't hear anyone rushing after him.

So he rushed to the bathroom and opening a window in there. Once he opened it, he teleported back him seeming to forget all about his school shoes.

Once he got home he sighed taking off his school clothes. Then slowly he headed upstairs to rest in his room. When he laid back in his bed, he found himself smiling.

He had done it! He had finally freed himself of the chaos!! He had finally freed himself of those dumb asses!

No more teruhashi trying to go out with him! No more moments of Shin pretending he was an anime character! No more moments of Nendo being the dumbest creature alive! No more of Chio trying to flirt with him! No more Moments of Kashi trying to get him to work out so often! No more moments of Reita's stupidness!

How did he know he would be freed from these people? Well to put it simply Japan just wasn't as accepting of a place as people thought. If anything being part of the LGBTQ+, was a social death sentence in any situation. If it wasn't then..well people would start avoiding them.

So it was the perfect way to fix his problems! No more dealing with peoples problems! No more fixing things! From now on it was all about him and his little bubble.

Yet, if that was try then why did he feel so...upset?

He didn't know why but, his chest ached a bit as he buried himself under his sheets. He had no idea why though. It's not like he would miss his so called 'friends'. Instead he was now free from them. Yet, he felt so....so odd.

~time skip~

Two days later and Saiki was in bed every moment of that weekend that he could.He came home on Thursday night after coming out and hid in his room. And that's what he did for the rets of the weekend so far.

He missed school on Friday which had never happened before. Yet, he just felt more numb than usual. He didn't know why though. He didn't even feel good enough to eat rice pudding which definitely wasn't good.

This continued for all the next morning. Heck he even spent time in bed the entire afternoon. Maybe it was because he used so much of his powers Thursday. Like enough to make him feel so crappy. Yet, he knew that wasn't true.

As much as he hated to admit it, he realized he missed his classmates. Their interactions at least gave him something new to expect. They have him something to do other than study. Now he had nothing to do.

Nothing but miss them and eat rice pudding.

The power of rice pudding had motivated him to visit his favourite cafe. The one that served the best rife cakes. It was what he did every Saturday night, usually with one of his classmates as of recently, but today he was all alone. And that would be the way it would stay.

Saiki guessed he shouldn't be so emotional anymore. After all this was what he choose. If he didn't want to be alone, well then he shouldn't have come out. He sighed thinking to himself that it didn't matter anyways. He was graduating in six months. He would have been all alone again in a collage on the other side of town anyways.

He just sighed standing outside the cafe door. His thoughts filled his mind somehow being louder than all the other voices he heard around him. In fact he seemed to just tune out all of reality. Thus resulting in the conclusion he refused to admit.

His classmates were his friends. They had spent years getting to know each other while doing their little cycle of madness. Thus also getting closer together. In fact dare he even imply, sometimes his friends made him happy. He even dared to say he liked hanging out with them at times.

Yet, he had thrown that away over his own selfishness. And now he had nothing and no one. No one except his beloved desert food.

Just as he came to this conclusion h had his hand on the door. His mind seemed to calm down with it's own thoughts at this point as he slowly opened the door. He should have waited thought. Why? Cause the second he opened the door he caught the single thought that should have clued him to turn away.

"I hope I picked the right hiding spot."

The second he heard that thought, he had opened the door. The lights were out playing feeling so nervous. He assumed someone was there to attack him as he walked in. So he began getting ready to defend himself. If only he could focus his mind on relaxing. Maybe then he could hear more thoughts, but now his mind was thinking of his own worries.

However he took a step in the building the lights came back on. As they did his classmates jumped up screaming surprised as confetti and balloons were thrown over the room. He jumped a foot in the air as everyone smiled to him.

Every corner of the cafe was decorated with the A romantic flag colours. Heck there was even a flag over a table. Yet, what he focused more on was his mains group of friends. He moan friends were inches away from him smiling, as if they were seeing him for the first time in years.

"Wh-" he was cut off by Nēndo rushed over hugging him. His eye got bigger as his other friends held him close as well. He blushed before feeling the entire class hugging him which seemed to calm him down to hear all their thoughts. As he did he almost cried.

They were all about him. They were all thinking about him.

"How on earth am I gonna tell Saiki I'm sorry I've been forcing my feelings on him? I mean any way I word it makes it sound like it's all about me but, he's been there for me through so much. How am I gonna avoid hurting him." It was the only time he heard Teruhashi think about anyone other than herself.

"Saiki I'm so sorry I haven't reached out to you for so long. I hope you still wanna be friends even though I haven't been helping you as much as I can be." Reita thought smiling. Being the only one who knew he could do read minds, well, his words seemed more comforting than others.

"I can't believe I push everyone to drive for a happy life when I made Saiki feel bad enough that he ran away. I promise from now on Saiki I'm gonna give you as much as I can." Kineshi Hairo, always thought about how to motivate others. It was normal. Yet, it some how made the world to Saiki.

"You supported me through so much man! How am I gonna support you?!" Shun Kaidō always was full of thoughts about how he must be like a hero. Why on earth would he be thinking about anything else?

"Oh my. What can I do for you?! I mean you already payed for me to go on a school trip and help support my part time job here every week by visiting here. I mean I already got you some pudding for free today but, I suppose I could also offer you some time to just hang out when I get a free moment." Chisato Mera, has so many jobs but, this was her favourite. It was true Saiki came here for rice cakes every week, but something about her thought made him what to come every day.

"Oh gosh I'm gonna cry. I missed Saiki so much. I thought he just gave up. What would I do without a friend like him....No! No Chiyo! This isn't about you. Don't you dare start crying. Instead just focus on how Saiki and how to make him happy." Chiyo Yumehara, usually thought about how to woo men. Somehow this made him more happy than anything anyone else could say to him.

And that would have been it. He was being overwhelmed by his friends thoughts followed by other classmates thoughts about how much he had helped him and how they wanted to repay him. It was enough to touch his heart as he was lead to a table to sit down.

As he was, Nēndo explained it was a coming out party. One where they celebrated how brave Saiki has been for coming out. It was so odd to say the least, but it made him smile. It just made Saiki be overwhelmed by his emotions. So much so that he didn't lie when he was asked about why he didn't go to school.

"Well I figured you guys wouldn't wanna be stuck hanging around a someone like me." He admitted before finally eating his pudding. Just as he did he looked up to see guilty faces and hear guilty thoughts. Ones he was bound to hear again and had heard before.

That is Exocet for the one he heard at the end.

The only thought he ever heard from Nēndo.

"I made him feel like that?...why on earth would I abandon a best buddy like him? I mean what on earth would I do if he never existed."

Something about the guilty look and thought of gratitude finally broke him. Saiki was in tears. Like actual tears as he looked back down, eating a bit of his food. As soon as he did he felt his best friend Nēndo hug him again.

"It's okay. I'm always gonna be here for you." Nēndo smiled.

Without a second thought Saiki hugged him back.

The two just smiled clinging onto each other for support before everyone else slowly joined in. Each hugging and giving their support aloud for him. Each word just made him feel even more better.

Maybe standing out wasn't so bad.

If it meant he had friends like this and could be who he was, then he didn't mind standing out for once.

(The end)

#reblogs welcome #saiki k #anime #saiki kusuo no ψ nan #saiki kusuo #aromantic

53 notes · View notes

anika-ann · 4 years

Text

Hands Too Cold, but Heart of Gold - Pt.5

The Aftermath

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader, Matt Murdock x reader (no SR x MM x r)

Word count: 2800

Summary: Avenger!reader AU, love triangle. Some things get messy and some are cleared out; that tends to happen when you talk things through...and you’re not entirely honest. Or are you?

Warnings: swearing, mentions of violence, injury, medical procedures and seizure, hospitals, tooth-rotting fluff

Story Mastelist

────── ·❆· ──────

The first thing you were sure of was that life sucked. It was truly the very first thought that popped up in your mind.

Before thoughts, there had been only your brain rebooting, already overwhelmed with receiving signals of dull pain from different parts of your body, which had resulted in one messy signal alerting you your whole body ached; hence the original thought.

“Jesus shit,” somehow escaped your lips without you being in control, but the moment you got a hold of them, you were tempted to say it again.

A noise near your head startled you – rustling and an unpleasant squeak, soon followed by a male voice.

“You’re awake. Hey,” he whispered, sounding delighted. Probably. You were still a bit to groggy to recognize that the emotion.

You slowly opened your eyes, figuring out how to turn your head to the source of the voice – as you evaluated before –, a man. You squinted at the figure wearing black sneakers and a light blue shirt with no tie. You finally examined his face and— and realized you had no idea who he was. His brown irises felt a little familiar – a memory (a dream?) of snowy winter hit you, warm brown eyes ensuring you, Gerda, that you would be okay. Other than that, your memory was blank – you had no clue who the brunet was.

“I’m… sorry. Do I— do I know you?” you asked shyly, slightly embarrassed. Did you have amnesia? Was he your fiancée or something? Was this a stupid rom-com?

The stranger smiled inconspicuously and went to help you as you tried to straighten in your bed – and whoa, okay, OUCH, not so great idea.

“You shouldn’t move too much. You have a fair share of stitches,” he announced, seemingly worried about you. His eyes watched you almost absently, focusing somewhere around your chin. Okay, this was getting weird. He didn’t answer the question. “And my name is Matt.”

Your heart stopped until it kicked in again and started sprinting. You couldn’t recall knowing any Matt unless knowing who Matt Damon was counted. Shit.

His brows furrowed. “But you wouldn’t know that. You know me as Daredevil.”

You lips parted, your brain finally catching up with the events.

Mission. Kidnapping. Daredevil. Steve.

“Steve,” you breathed, horrible realization striking you. “Is Steve okay? Where is he? Why am I in a hospital— no forget that one, tell me about Steve.”

The man carefully touched your arm that had found its way from under the covers as you had tried to sit up again. He smiled mildly.

“He’s okay, Gerda. He’s down the hall. He woke up yesterday and apart from being worn to a bone, he seems fine.”

You took a deep breath, your ribs hurting like hell at the action, but the feeling of relief was so overwhelming you didn’t care.

“Oh thank god-“

“Thank you. You saved him,” he corrected you gently and you were very much not ready for the rush of anger into your veins, suddenly remembering very clearly it wasn’t the truth.

Daredevil must have picked up on that, because his smile faltered.

“Really? Good for me, ‘cause I remember someone stopping me,” you hissed like a cat, climbing up into a sitting position, biting your cheek at the pain that shot up from the base of your fucking spine to its tip. Christ. You distantly remembered wanting to stop the person who had pulled you away, but he seemed just fine now, so you didn’t care.

“I didn’t really have another option. Your own body was shutting down. The device under your ribs short-circuited, unable to bare the intensity of your powers. You almost killed yourself.”

You froze at the revelation.

Oh. Oh. Fuck. That was… not what you expected to hear from the guy. The fact he couldn’t even look into your eyes when telling you that was kinda irritating though. He continued.

“I know you’re mad and I’m sorry. But I had to believe he would make it with what you had done so far. I… know it wasn’t my choice to make. Maybe it wasn’t Captain Rogers’ either, but I was sure he wouldn’t wish for you endanger your life for his sake. We both decided to save you – not that anyone else tried to stop me.”

You felt the pools of energy settling in your muscles, your rapidly beating heart quickly waking your body up properly – the fact that with the more he said the more your adrenalin was spiking probably helped. You understood. You understood pretty well.

You stared into his eyes murderously and suddenly realized why he couldn’t reciprocate the gesture. He was blind. You spent about two seconds being overwhelmed by that big revelation before coming to conclusion that it was the last thing that bothered you right now.

“You’re right,” you whispered, clearing your throat so your voice wouldn’t sound so pathetically weak. “You’re goddamn right it wasn’t your choice.” And it sure as hell wasn’t your place to assume what Steve would want.

You clenched your teeth as you swung your legs over the edge of your bed.

“You really shouldn’t get-“

“Yeah, I don’t care,” you shot back, ignoring the pleading and regretful eyes almost watching you. Blind. Duh. Talk about surprises.

“Look-“

“No, you look, Matt. You joining the mission? It was nice. Thanks for the assist. But you were a complete stranger and you had no fucking right to make a decision like that. I don’t care if we were paired or something, I’m sure you understand prioritization. Steve? He’s Captain freaking America. He’s at the top of the priority list. And not that it’s any of your business, but he’s also at the top of my list. And it was not your call to stop me just because your super-senses sniffed I was passing out or whatever,” you paused, catching you breath.

You pushed yourself up with a whimper, hoping your feet would hold you. His arms went to support you, possibly recognizing he had no chance – or right – to stop you. At least he was catching up fast. Not that it mollified you.

You slapped his hands away as soon as you felt at least a little steady on your feet. He quickly retreated, a shadow of hurt in his eyes.

“I’m gonna see him now and when I’m back here, I would really appreciate if you were gone.” Yeah, okay, now he definitely seemed wounded. You tried to shush the voice of sympathy whispering in your head. “It was good to meet you, Devil. But once was enough.”

You gritted your teeth and shuffled to the door, taking as shallow breaths as you could. Everything, fucking everything hurt.

Daredevil was silent, until he wasn’t.

“You love him,” he whispered, his voice heavy with something that made your heart skip a beat.

You turned back to the man who had given up trying to stop you and just stood in the middle of your room, watching you. Once again, you didn’t see how that was any of his business, but you had no reason to lie.

“You bet your ass I do. I told you – he’s family.”

And with those words, you reached for the handle and stumbled out of your hospital room. You looked around, searching for clues. Daredevil had said Steve was down the hall – which way down the hall? You were pretty much in the middle.

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath, half-tempted to turn around and ask him for clarification.

Instead, you closed the door cowardly and started walking where the hall seemed less busy. Steve would be there, right?

A woman that was definitely giving away a nurse vibe noticed you and sized you up in horror. Yeah, okay, you got it, you looked terrible, you had a fucking hospital gown and thank god, some underwear and you were supporting yourself onto a wall. Yeah, you were sure you looked peachy.

“Madam, I don’t-“

“Why don’t you tell me where I can find Captain Rogers?” you offered, attempting your best smile, probably failing epically. “I would really like to see him now.”

“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” she shrieked and you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know. But given how far I’ve got, it would be mean to drag me back without my reward, wouldn’t it?”

The nurse eyed you, her glare saying ‘I am so fired for this’, but she actually approached you, supporting some of your weight and led you to a door guarded by two soldiers. Of course. You should have figured – and noticed them in the first place; you were in a truly crappy shape if you missed them.

She knocked and you gestured at her that you could make the rest of your way alone. The soldiers shot you a strange look, but you were used to that.

You entered the room, your gaze immediately landing on the lying figure. He was squinting at you sleepily, the part of his bed under his torso and head slightly raised.

You smiled widely. He was awake. He was alive.

“Snowflake?” he mumbled and you reached for the nearest chair to support yourself as your knees suddenly felt even weaker.

“Hey, Steve,” you whispered back, your voice too raspy and heavy with emotion.

“What are you-“ He blinked his eyes wide open, straightening on the bed with surprising speed. He seemed perfectly awake now. “Holy hell, Snowflake, what are you doing here?! You should be in bed!”

“Didn’t sit with me well.”

His bright eyes watched you in horror as you shuffled to his bed, falling heavily on the chair next to it with a hiss.

“Also, you cursed, Cap.”

“You-“

You took his hand without permission, resting your forehead against his shoulder, hearing and feeling his sharp intake of breath. His free arm embraced you resignedly, pulling you closer, so you assumed you were doing okay with being affectionate. You barely registered you started crying, too busy with supressing the pain caused by moving around – Steve’s presence helped with that.

“What do I do with you? You’re terrible at following orders lately,” he whispered, his lips in your hair. You snuggled to him completely, as much as your positions allowed you.

“You can ground me. I will happily sit at home for a while.”

His arm caressed your back at the word ‘home’ – wary of touching your spine as if he knew it hurt – and a pool of warmth blossomed around your heart.

“How do you feel, Snowflake?”

“How do you?” you murmured back, soaking his gown wet with your tears.

God, you loved his strong arm around you. His chest rising periodically. His heart beating strongly against your cheek.

“I got my blood cleaned. You spend hours in surgery having your body cut open in several places. I think my question needs to be answered first.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You fried the device. You were lucky Tony had one to replace it,” Steve whispered, his voice shaking inconspicuously. “Two days after the first surgery, Tony added a fail-safe. The doctors implanted a new part into your spine – the next time you’ll reach your limit, it will just shut your powers down.”

Your breath caught in your throat and you retreated quickly. “Are you kidding me? What the hell?!”

What the fuck– how did they dare to do something like that? Something restricting your powers?! Now? Now, when you finally did some good with them? They could have blocked them completely then!

“It’s for your own safety, Snowflake,” he explained gently, seeing you were utterly pissed. His blue eyes were soft, glimmering with sadness. “You almost died. You need to realize that-”

“I don’t care!”

You covered your mouth the second after the words left your lips. Steve’s gaze hardened.

“Well, I do. While I didn’t get a say in that one, the others did and made the right choice. Believe it or not, we all care. I’m— Snowflake, I’m so grateful for what you did. I am. But…” he exhaled shakily, looking away before locking his eyes with yours, not allowing you to escape the intensity of his gaze. “…but when I woke up and you were just finishing your second surgery and I heard about everything what happened… and I imagined what could have happened… Snowflake, you know how much I care about you. I don’t want to lose you. You can’t… you can’t even imagine what it felt like-“

“Oh, you mean my friend being an inch from dying? How could I even imagine what it feels like, almost losing my best friend, huh?” you bit back, your voice more venomous than you intended. But god, you were getting sick of people doing your choices for you and assuming.

“It wouldn’t be the first time I lost someone who was as close to me as my family,” he replied with the same tone and guilt stabbed your insides instantly.

Oh. Oh. Now you were being a bitch. To be fair, he wasn’t being a saint either.

“I’m sorry. That was mean. But I had a point.”

Steve’s baby-blues softened and he reached for your hand again. “I’m sorry too. I’m really glad you’re okay enough to let your stubbornness overdrive your body and drag it here.”

Your lips spread into a smile involuntarily. There was nothing and no one who would have stopped me from getting here. “I’m glad you’re okay too.”

Silence fell for several moments and you didn’t feel like breaking it. You just wanted to snuggle to his side and never leave his warm embrace.

“You know… when you told me I was pushing it and you basically threatened me with freezing my ass off for another seventy years, I thought you were exaggerating,” he noted playfully, the famous spark of mischief lighting up his eyes.

You inhaled sharply, completely at loss of words. Did he just-

Then he squeezed your hand. “Dumb joke, sorry. Thank you, Snowflake. You saved my life.”

“I-“

“And I’m really proud of you for what you managed to do. You controlled yourself perfectly.”

You felt a blush colouring your cheeks in red, lowering your gaze. Steve shifted in his bed, moving to side, patting the newly created space next to him.

“Come here.”

You didn’t hesitate. You two did cuddling; usually, there were more clothes between your bodies, but it wasn’t unusual for you to fall asleep in his embrace during team movie nights. Plus, you couldn’t refuse an offer like that.

You climbed in the bed, his arm around your shoulders to keep you close and you nuzzled your cheek in his chest, throwing your arm around his waist. He kissed your temple tenderly.

“Rest, Snowflake… I love you,” he whispered and you snuggled closer at the words, the warmest feeling settling in your chest.

You… didn’t think he meant romantically. He said you were like family. And you were okay with that as if the near-death experience – both yours and his – finally gave you complete peace. You didn’t think the crush would go away, but… this felt right. This was enough.

“I… never thought I’d have a brother. And here we are,” you murmured, his muscles tensing, before he relaxed completely, burying his face into your hair, his body almost merging with yours. “I love you too, Steve.“

Neither of you said more. His chest was rising and falling slowly under your cheek, his breath warm on your scalp, his free had wrapped around your wrist, his fingertips on your pulse point. His own heart sounded as a lullaby in your ear and at some point, you drifted off to sleep.

Due to that, you nearly missed the team stumbling into Steve’s room. Natasha quickly put her index finger over her lips to shush everyone and pulled out her phone to snap a picture of the cuddling pair.

“Oh-ho, this is precious. This is a perfect blackmail material. Good job, Tasha,” Clint praised her and she winked at him.

“I don’t know, this looks too cute for a blackmail material,” Bruce questioned and Natasha giggled, not trying to disagree. It was the giggle that disturbed your dreamless sleep, your eyelids too heavy and your position too comfortable to make even the smallest movement though.

“These two sweet children. Can we just put them in ice like this?” Tony whispered and you managed to raise a finger at him, causing the team to laugh silently. “Snap a pic of that too. We’ll report her to Cap. This is even worse than swearing, I mean, she’s literally showing-“

Gradually, his voice was trailing off and then you could hear the door close shut.

Steve hummed sleepily and you just ran your fingers over his side soothingly, melting into his sleeping form once more.

────── ·❆· ──────

Part 6

────── ·❆· ──────

Tags: @mermaidxatxheart, @murdermornings, @elisaa-shelby @ask-hellbent-tweek

108 notes · View notes

the-odd-job · 4 years

Text

Ashes of Icarus chapter 12 - Am I Strong to Do What I Must?

Rating: Explicit Warnings: Chose Not to Use Category: Other Fandom: Transformers Characters: Sunstreaker, Sideswipe Relationships: Megatron/Sunstreaker, Sideswipe & Sunstreaker Additional Tags: Dubcon, Unplanned Pregnancy, Mechpreg, Sticky, Talk of Abortion Words: 1726

( Previous )

Fuck.

It didn’t matter how many more times Sideswipe scanned it. Sunstreaker had spent enough time familiarizing himself with Megatron to recognize the remnants of his spark signature in the… Sparklet.

Because there it was, orbiting his own spark, a tiny, tiny little sparkling, small enough to barely even be visible from the glow of his larger spark.

But Sideswipe knew exactly what his spark was supposed to look like. Small as it was, the little oddity jumped right into his face with how not there it was supposed to be.

“You can’t feel it yet.” It wasn’t a question. Sideswipe didn’t need to ask things like that. It was just a statement.

They couldn’t feel it yet. Pits, wouldn’t he have fragging noticed it otherwise? That, combined with its size… They didn’t exactly know much about carrying, but common sense said it meant it was still very, very young.

He wished they would’ve known a bit more about how these things worked, right then. What did it mean if it was so young its emotions weren’t even leaking into him yet? Was it alright despite that?

What the pit were they going to do with it?

If it had been another Autobot’s… The question would have still remained how, but at least… It would have been another Autobot’s. Completely unplanned and unexpected, but slag, they could’ve worked with that.

How the hell were they supposed to work with this?

And how? How the pit had it even come to be when he’d had his inhibitor on the whole–

Sideswipe’s optics flicked up to meet his with a wave of horrid realization when he went to check on his inhibitor. It didn’t report as online.

It didn’t report as offline, either.

It was as if it didn’t even exist.

But that couldn’t be it. He’d had it his whole life like every damn mech out there, and he’d never turned it off. Becoming a parent had never exactly been something he was planning to do. Maybe one day, if the circumstances changed that drastically, but not in the foreseeable future.

The damn thing couldn’t have just disappeared into thin air.

“Let me have a look,” Sideswipe murmured quietly, and Sunstreaker let his spark chamber cycle closed. Sideswipe’s servo dipped into his chest cavity and cautiously pushed aside his internals until he could see the little device nestled to the side of his spark chamber.

Then he grimaced at what they saw.

Charred, black. It had gotten burned so spectacularly that it hadn’t even given a damage report or any manner of errors.

Well. That explained that. What had burned it would’ve also been very nice to know, but for that they would’ve likely needed a medic’s opinion, and–

What? Could they just waltz into the medbay, ‘hey, I just noticed I’m carrying, how does this whole thing work?’ If the sire was an Autobot, then… Sure, what the fuck else could they have done.

But the sire was Megatron. Their whole… Relationship would have come to light if they did that—or else they would have needed to claim Megatron had forced him.

Two problems with that: one, he had too much pride to feel comfortable claiming he’d gotten fragging raped, even if it was by someone who everyone would believe had enough strength to do it, and even if he knew Ratchet would keep that information to as few mecha as possible.

And two, the greater reason… His memory files didn’t support that. He could lie, but if they wanted to have a look in his head to confirm how things had gone… It’d become damn obvious he was full of shit and had all but jumped at the opportunity to frag Megatron. He hadn’t exactly resisted. Hell, he’d very explicitly told Megatron to ‘face him, even if that was in the heat of the moment.

It was all very damning evidence against him. What would the command do if they found out about that dalliance? What would they do to him?

What would they do to the sparklet?

What would they do to the sparklet, him and Sideswipe?

“I could… Snuff it, right?” Sideswipe whispered quietly, barely audible. “It’s so small and so young. Is it even aware enough to notice?”

Kill it and pretend none of this had happened.

Sunstreaker bared his spark again and Sideswipe gently turned it until he could see the sparkling. He brushed his digit against the minuscule ball of light, infinitely gentle with the motion.

The sparklet bobbed slightly in its orbit, but remained unresponsive otherwise.

It would be so easy. Take a hold of it, squeeze.

Crush it.

Everything would go back to normal. Or… As normal as it got after you’d repeatedly had illicit relations with the leader of the enemy faction.

Why did he… Not want that? Oh, undoing all of this, securing the relative normalcy of his life, that he wanted.

But not at the cost of the sparkling.

Why?

Sunstreaker brought his servos to his face and groaned into them. It was his, wasn’t it?

Why did that matter?

He didn’t want to get rid of it. Sideswipe pulsed understanding and acceptance at him for that, even if they didn’t understand.

Didn’t understand why he didn’t want to get rid of it. Doing that, just one small act, it would have solved all of the problems the sparklet brought about.

But no.

He wanted no harm to come to it… From any direction. Not from himself.

Not from the other Autobots.

Would they try to force him to get rid of it? Or would they try to do something to Sunstreaker that would also endanger it?

Would they just let him keep it, even though it was of the enemy?

He had no idea. He had no fucking idea how things like this would be handled by the command, or what the damn Autobot code said to do in situations like these—and would it even be followed in this instance. This wasn’t any small infraction easily paid for with a few punishments, and not just any Decepticon involved in this mess.

The other party was Megatron.

Was there anything worse an Autobot even could do? Straight up defect, maybe.

Ratchet… Medical confidentiality was a thing, but he doubted it would cover everything. Somehow he got the feeling it wouldn’t cover this, if the identity of the sparkling’s sire became known. And it would eventually, wouldn’t it? Even if Ratchet kept it a secret at first… He couldn’t exactly forever pretend he wasn’t carrying. It would become painfully obvious even before he’d need to deliver the sparkling.

And everyone would want to know who the fuck had sired it. What could he answer to that? Refuse to answer until the end of time?

Wouldn’t they find out eventually, one way or another? And then they’d be back at it: what would they do to him, and it.

“We can’t tell anyone,” Sunstreaker muttered into his servos, but it didn’t matter if the words were even audible or understandable when the only one meant to hear them was Sideswipe. “Can we?”

“Even if we don’t…” Sideswipe didn’t need to finish it.

Even if they didn’t, it would announce itself eventually.

But just… Pushing that date even a bit further into the future. Maybe they’d have a better idea of what to do then. Think on it, consider their crappy options…

“What about–” Sideswipe didn’t need to finish that either.

It was Megatron’s sparkling too.

Sunstreaker growled. “He’s the damn reason for this.” Who the fuck had initiated their affair? Wasn’t Sunstreaker! He hadn’t exactly gone out of his way to prevent all of it from happening, but if it wasn’t for Megatron starting it all, he would not have fragged the damn despot.

If it wasn’t for Megatron, this very much would not have had a chance to happen.

“Should we tell him?” his brother asked next, gently brushing the sparkling again. Sunstreaker shivered at the feeling, but his face twisted into a snarl—that wasn’t aimed at Sideswipe, or the little thing.

Tell Megatron? Wouldn’t have to worry about the secrecy of their fucking on that front. Was there any reason not to do that? What would they gain by trying to keep it a secret from the tyrant too?

Oh no, “That fragger will hear a fucking load of this,” Sunstreaker growled. Hear all about how he was at fault and what Sunstreaker thought about this whole thing, get all of the fucking blame he justly deserved dumped on him.

He had no idea where that would get him, but at least it would be satisfying.

“What if he says to get rid of it?” Sideswipe asked carefully. They’d already established they didn’t want that, so…

“He can go slagging frag himself.” Not like it burdened Megatron at all. He wasn’t the one committing treason and desperately trying to keep it a secret. Megatron set the rules for his side. He could do what he wanted, and was there even anyone who could have tried to tell him otherwise? So what if he knocked up one low ranking Autobot. Was there anyone who could have brought him to justice?

“What if he tries to force the matter?” the red twin continued. Megatron was strong enough to do that, for sure.

But really, Sunstreaker had had it up to here by this point. “Then he can fragging well kill me,” he snarled. Sure, maybe he wouldn’t be able to stop Megatron if the mech really set his mind to something. He might even pay for it with his life.

That didn’t mean he’d go down without one goddamned good fight.

How would Megatron react to these news? He had no slagging clue, but it was Sunstreaker’s frame and Sunstreaker’s life, and as little as he expected Megatron to respect that unless he wanted to…

Oh, that bastard would get a fucking earful before he got a chance to send Sunstreaker back to the Well.

So was that it? Tell no Autobot but tell Megatron, and see where that took them?

Sunstreaker let his servos slip from his face and met Sideswipe’s optics. His brother nodded minutely—in for it, come hell or high water.

Their chestplates closed, hiding their newest little secret behind layers of heavy armor.

( Next )

#transformers #maccadams #sunstreaker #sideswipe #fic #2020 #ashes of icarus #ashes

8 notes · View notes