#Like fuck off. She never had a redemption. Stop trying to tell me she did 15 years later

[bonefall]

Maybe I'll make a post on this at some point but like, something deeply fucked up about TNP and Po3 that people have totally forgotten about is how badly they try to whine that "Tigerstar Had Good Traits :("

Firestar does it, Brambleclaw does it, and they keep doing this after it becomes this GRAND irony that Firestar almost gets Tiger'd to death in a fox trap because he was too trusting. Bramble gets his pity award of keeping deputyship and then cries to his son about how No One Saw The Good In Tigerstar :(

And it's wiiiiild that no one else in this fandom has done anything with the fact that Leopardstar broke the Warrior Code to appoint Hawkfrost, who had no apprentice, an extremely aggressive and warmongering Tigerclone who says things like "Tigerstar wasn't the worst cat to look up to." ONLY qualifying trait was being kinda like Tigerstar.

And she practically did that the SECOND Mistyfoot went missing. And then Leopardstar continued to be one of the most violent and xenophobic leaders through Po3, joining with WindClan to attack ThunderClan.

What I'm getting at is that like, a few years ago, with books like "Blackfoot's Reckoning" and "Shadow in RiverClan" it's like they suddenly decided to retcon in a bunch of "redemption arcs" in hindsight. They just pretended like there was this grand high reckoning with TigerClan, when there literally wasn't, and if anything that caused SERIOUS problems for the cast that the authors didn't fully acknowledge as such.

And now ppl haven't actually read the main series and are just working with their recent memory of all these retcon books.

But TNP and PO3 are still there, and you can go and see the ACTUAL timeline where Leopardstar is really not apologetic at all, and Blackstar is a useful stooge for the very next wannabe dictator that strolls in, in spite of the new side content that COMPLETELY mischaracterized them for their plots to work.

#I just wish people could be more critical of this #And im not entirely anti-retcon. Mind you #But I am here because i think these retcons make them WORSE characters. It's BAD for a character to GET a book with a redemption arc and-- #Then they don't change at all and act like totally different people later in the timeline #And Leopardstar is the worse one between her and Blackstar BECAUSE she has sooo many active choices here #Im confident in my choice for BB the more I think about it. Leopardstar's dismantling of the bonehill was good #But it works better as a tragedy imo with the rest of the series in mind #That for a brief moment. A fleeting whim. She could have changed. #But she never did. #And Blackstar who was FAR less repentant at the time DID eventually turn around. #At the end of the day one of them appointed Hawkfrost as codebreaking deputy. #And the other did not. #And I think it's fucking bullshit the way that Leopardstar's retcondemption implies that Hawkfrost was just so tricky he mislead her #The old and experienced leader who had been fooled by a tiger before and was soso sorry for it. Just got tricked. #Like fuck off. She never had a redemption. Stop trying to tell me she did 15 years later #She's a girlboss who empires too close to the sun in pursuit of power and drags everyone down with her #Not a sad weepy smolbean #Bone babble #Warrior cats analysis

[showtoonzfan]

I really try to understand and reread the Ken document to see where Viv’s supporters are coming from, but I’m sorry, all I thought when I was done reading it is that Vivienne is just mentally unstable to the point where she can’t carry a normal and steady conversation without either being petty or freaking out. I think that’s why so many of her peeps and fans excuse her because they see her in a vulnerable state and see her say she’s “shaking” and that she can’t handle this, so everyone coddles her and thinks that Ken must have said something to warrant a reaction like this out of Vivzie…….expect….they didn’t.

Ken never harassed or poked Vivzie, they never got angry and forceful, but when they reasonably give Viv VALID constructive criticism about how she should be crediting her artists since she’s leading an INDIE team (and can’t figure that out apparently since she compared herself to fucking Disney) apparently that was enough to send Vivzie off the edge immediately and think that Ken was attacking her, when Ken said it themselves, they were just talking to her. To have fans paint Ken out to be this needy person who demanded credit in unwarranted aspects is disgusting, because what they said in their document was true. They HAD been responsible for writing MAIN plot points, jokes, and ideas that all made their away into the final product, and the fact that they only got an “additional writing” credit rather than having their name up with Viv, Dave, and Raymond is bullshit.

Viv’s point she had made of Ken’s writing only being in the “early stages” is literally a lie because what they wrote ended up in the final product, not only writing main jokes but Alastor being in the pilot and investing in the hotel, Angel being there for free rent and being the first hotel patron, Charlie trying to convince those of redemption ect. And then when the two brushed it aside, good ol’ perfect Vivzie called Ken an abuser to others, saying false things behind their back while ALSO pretending to be nice to them upfront. That’s my biggest issue. Tell me one instance where Ken was “abusing” Vivzie. They weren’t, Viv is just so fucking emotionally sensitive with zero thick skin and sees anyone daring to criticize her as an attack, and she’s STILL like that to this day. I really don’t see how people can read a document of her not only tracing and not crediting someone, but talking lies behind someone’s back while also being nice..and STILL support her, I really can’t. And it’s funny when some of y’all think that we want Hazbin to cease to exist or Helluva to stop running….no….we don’t give a shit about the shows, we want Viv to get the consequences of her actions and her victims to get justice. We want her to own up to what she’s done, especially the recent drama, and yet she never does cause in her eyes she can do no wrong. She always fucking acts like she did nothing wrong, or blames her behavior on everyone but herself. She’s a 30 year old woman, she acts like a child and needs to be kicked down a notch. She never learns from her experiences or gets better and it really is tiring to see people side with her EVERY single time, despite their being countless evidence clear as day that she’s an entitled brat, with even ANOTHER spindle-member coming out and revealing that they were mistreated as well:

All I can say is that I hope more members are inspired to come out, and not afraid, especially since there are ex members who came out that we haven’t heard a word from, like Salem Squidder, the person above, even Ashley Nichols. People need to realize that wether you like Viv or not, people were HURT by her, and she needs to come forward and confront it, not vague tweet and hide behind her fanbase, leaving everyone to fight her battles instead of herself.

#vivziepop critical #spindlehorse critical #helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss criticism #anti vivziepop #helluva critical #spindlehorse criticism #spindlehorse toons #vivienne medrano #Vivziepop #vivziepop rant #vivziepop drama #helluvaverse #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #vivziemind

[ghostykai]

Mi fai schifo but now we're friends

Angel Dust & Kaire (Platonic)

Trans: You disgust me but now we're friends - sounds bad Ik but it's a reference on the text

This is the story of how Angel Dust and Kaire started to become friends, and of how the Hotel found out about Kaire's demon form.

More of Kaire: Kaire info, Kaire pt. 2, Overlord! Kaire: Fortuna

And remember, my Asks are open. Might offer some x reader and maybe some more Kaire stuff

~~~~~~~~

Charlie had called the Residents of the Hotel down to the Lobby again. The activities she set up always varied and attendance wasn't mandatory but almost no one dared not to show up. As much as sometimes it could be a bit ridiculous, Charlie meant well, so no one wanted to let her down.

"So..." She started, sinners sitting all around her, "Today we will share what our main sins and problems are and how we are trying to better ourselves towards redemption. I thought since we have had a couple new faces, this would help everyone get to know each other better."

The tall spider sinner Kaire knew as Angel Dust scoffed dramatically. He took up a whole couch on his own. Kaire sat on the ground opposite to it. Husk, a sinner that looked like a winged cat, who was the bartender of the hotel, shoved Angel's legs off the couch and set down, grumbling something.

Kaire had come to learn those two were somehow close, although they didn't know exactly what their relationship was. In the three weeks of living at the hotel Kaire had often seen them sat at the bar talking about something Kaire didn't care enough to listen to.

The round started with the people that had been here the longest. Getting clean from drug addiction, alcoholism, the works. Other residents spoke, some who Kaire hadn't gotten to know yet. Dread started welling up in Kaire's stomach. Their turn was next. They saw the quick glance Husk and Angel shared, the latter with a little smirk.

"Kaire, it's your turn." Charlie whispered from the couch next to were they were sitting on the ground.

"Oh... Well I don' know," Kaire trailed off, "Not really anything in particular, I guess."

"Aw, c'mon yer in hell, ya must have done somethin'," Angel spoke up, now propping his face on his hand as he looked at Kaire, "Don't worry, we don't judge."

Kaire shrugged, their nails raking against the wood floor.

Charlie butted in quickly, "If Kaire doesn't feel comfortable sharing that yet it's fine as well. They are new to hell after all."

Angel spoke up again, "Lemme guess, ya did drugs. Not hard shit tho, ya don't look like the type." He shot another look to his feline friend.

"Nope. Never got into that shit. Didn't get the hype," Kaire replied simply and shrugged again.

Husks finally spoke up with his gravely voice, "Gambling, then. Or alcohol, that's always the one."

"I don't like to drink, alcohol tastes like ass." Kaire's claws were starting to leave marks on the wooden floor, "I do enjoy a good game of Poker but I don't play with money. Do y'all wanna keep interrogating me? Have you been entertained enough yet?"

Angel basically cut them off, "Oh no I get it, Sex addict. It's always the innocent ones, ya know?" He chuckles.

Kaire stiffened, their close stopped scratching the wooden floors. Their gaze dropping to the floor.

"Oh. My. God. Don't tell me, yer a virgin?" Angel spoke with a smile a bit too big, sitting up slightly.

There was a silence, then a laugh.

"Fuck, man. A virgin? Ya don't drink, don't smoke or anythin, don't gamble, don't even get laid and end up in hell." Angel laughed some more, "Shiiiit. Can't believe it. Ya must have been one boring bitch when ya were alive."

Kaire tried to chuckle with him. The wood creaked as their claws sunk deeper into it.

He didn't stop laughing, "Fucking hell, that's some shit. A fucking virgin bitch in hell, that's a joke."

He kept talking, Kaire's nails kept digging. Charlie had started her attempt at making Angel stop laughing. Kaire's heart was racing, teeth clenched and grinding against each other. They tried to keep it together but his laughter filled their brain like fog. Then something snapped, they stood. They suddenly felt different. A yellow smoke filled the edges of their vision.

"Fuck you! You bitch! You find it funny? Ti fa ridere, heh?" (Trans: Does it make you laugh, huh?)They clenched their fist and stepped closer to Angel.

He stilled, the whole room did. Everyone was looking at them, differently than usual. Even Charlie shut up.

Kaire's heart was pumping, they opened their mouth to say something, then they closed it again, not sure exactly how to express what they were feeling.

"Mi fai schifo!" (Trans: You disgust me!)Was the last thing they said before walking away. Storming towards they stairs they noticed something in the shadows, eyes and whispers, they stepped closer and disappeared. Swallowed by the shadows.

All they wanted was to get back to their room and that's what happened. Kaire popped out of a shadowy corner of their room.

Kaire was not ready for what they saw in the mirror when they turned around. Another set of eyes on their face, Nine eyes floating around their head like a crown, four of which were sown shut, all glowing yellow. A yellow smoke emanating from their hands. It took some deep breaths but the extra eyes and smoke soon disappeared.

They had told them that some sinners have different demonic forms but they couldn't have guess this is what theirs looked like.

Kaire threw themselves on their bed, "Fuck Angel. And fuck Husk too, I'm sure those two must have been talking about me behind my back at some point." Kaire mumbled into their pillow.

~~~

A few days had passed and Kaire refused to go down in the lobby. Charlie came to knock a few times a day to make sure Kaire was doing fine and that if they needed to talk, she was there for them. Sometimes she brought food and left it in front of their door.

Today they heard whispers from outside. Multiple times. Once Kaire was sure it was Charlie and Alastor. All the other times it was harder to tell. It was later into the day that they could tell someone was pacing in the hallway outside of their room. Always stopping near their door, then going again.

Kaire scoffed, letting their pencil clatter onto their desk. "I swear on the nine circles of hell, whoever it is I'll cut their legs off," they sighed, contemplating whether or not they should open the door and see who was causing all this noise.

Then, someone knocked. "Kaire. Can we talk?" The accent gave it away immediately.

"Fuck Off, Angel," Kaire replied.

"C'mon, at least open this fuckin' door. I just wanna talk."

Kaire stood up, "What part of Fuck Off do you not understand?" They swung the door open, "I don't wanna talk to you, Angel." He looked... Oddly miserable. Not in a way that's easy to notice. More in a 'I know what he usually looks like and that's not it' way. "You have one minute," Kaire rolled their eyes.

"I'm sorry, ok? I don' do the whole apologizing shit usually but I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made fun of ya, I was being a jackass." Angel rattled off in one breath.

Kaire raised a brow.

"It's just that... I dunno. We all have shit to work through and then ya just say ya don't really struggle with anything and that's kinda weird too, ya know?" He kept on rambling.

"Just cause y'all didn't guess my shit correctly doesn't mean I'm pure and don't have my reasons to be here." They said flatly. Then they sighed, and stepped to the side to let Angel in.

He hesitated for a second to long.

"Come in, mi sembri un anima in pena così in piedi fuori dalla porta." (Trans: You look like a tortured soul, standing outside of my door like that)

Angel finally stepped inside. He sat down in a bean bag Charlie had gifted to Kaire to liven up their room since they had no possessions. Kaire sat on their bed. There was a long since which Angel broke, "So you speak Italian, what a coincidence."

"I'm Italian so... Kinda my thing."

"How did you know I'd speak Italian too?" Angel tried to keep the ball rolling, sitting stiffly.

"You cussed someone out in Italian, so I guessed," Kaire said, "You don't have to be so stiff, Angel, I don't bite... Unless you like that... Actually on second thought you're very much not my type so don't ask for a bite."

The slightly dirty innuendo seemed to both surprise him and put him at ease.

"Maybe ya don't bite, but those eyes and the weird smokey shit and disappearin into shadows doesn't really help the friendly persona, ya know?" He chuckles a little.

"Did Charlie send you to apologize?" Kaire changed the topic.

"I mean not only Charlie. Husk and Vaggie got on my ass too. Tho mostly Charlie"

Kaire hummed in agreement, looking off to the window.

"Tho I do feel like shit. I didn't just do it for them," Angel added.

"Don't worry you're fine..."

"Kay, but really, Kaire, why?"

"Why what"

"Why in hell, ya seem... Nice enough"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out."

"Ah come on. Yer being mean, toots"

"Toots?"

"I call everyone toots"

Kaire hummed again.

There was a short lived silence between them.

"So is the virginity thing a choice?"

"Angel..." Kaire said in an admonishing tone.

"Just curious, it's not every day we get someone like ye down here."

"Not a choice"

"Then why? Like ya seem... Ok."

"You don't fuck people cause their 'okay', love"

"Love?"

"I call everyone that, sarcastically." Kaire finally looked back from the window to Angel. He was now looking out too.

"Whatever. I mean why not then."

"Just didn't go out much. People like me don't do the partying and the clubbing and the hooking up, I guess."

"Wait wait wait, ya never went to a club?"

"No."

"A bar?"

"Like not to hook up."

"A house party?"

"No." They replied, "Ma che è, 'n intervista?" (What is this, an interview?)

"Nope. We gotta fix this." Angel completely ignored their question.

"Fix?"

"Yes. We're going out. Me, you... Husk and maybe Cherri." Angel stood up from the bean bag.

Kaire's hands raised in front of them, inching backwards on their bed, "Whoa whoa whoa, calm it Spidey. I never said- Hey!"

Angel was much stronger than Keire had anticipated, or maybe it was that he was 8 feet tall. He grabbed their wrist and forced them to stand, walking to the chest Keire was using as a closet.

"Ya comin' and yer gonna have fun. End of discussion." Angel was now rummaging through Kaire's few possessions, "Toots, ya need some clothes, stat. Like what is this? Two shirts, three pants and a pajama? Nah, this won't do."

Kaire didn't know what to say, or even if they should feel offended. They hadn't been here for long, of course they wouldn't have clothes.

Angel slammed the chest closed, "Well, since ya have nothing nice and since ma clothes would neva fit on ya," he sighed, "we'll have to get ya somethin to wear before I bring ya to experience life."

[To be continued?]

BONUS:

(Ik angel is missing a pair of arms but this is a doodle and I'm lazy)

#hazbin fandom #hazbin hotel oc #hellsona #hellaverse #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin fanfic #hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin hotel fandom

[cmyk-anaglyph-honeycomb]

Hazbin Hotel Episode 5 Live Blogging

Spoilers below

Oh god this is kinda long. Again it is past midnight and I wont be editing this.

Three minutes in and I hate everything about Charlie's dad. Dude moves like a pool noodles. Not that big of a fan of his voice, but it matches everything else that's going on with him.

Rubber ducks?

The texture on whatever the edge of that couch looks like frozen static. Why is it like that? is it supposed to be glittering?

Everyone helping to fix up the hotel is nice but that level of support and cooperation kinda feels like it comes out of nowhere. Not a single on of the hotel gang had a comment about showing Satan a beatup hotel or that he's THE GUY in hell and they are perfectly okay and normal about meeting him. NONE of them are nervous about it???

Alastor looks like he's about to go feral, lol

Razzle and Dazzle suddenly showing up with zero introduction, that neat. And there the kitty that I assume is the hotel key and a mich needed plot device at the end of the season.

Wait are R and D pets?? Oop, they're they go. Nice cameos guys.

Acknowledging that Alastor named it the hazbin hotel only raises more questions as to why the named was kept.

Alastor not knowing what lucifer looks like feels wrong. Again he is THE GUY of hell, how does no one, especially an overlord, not at least know what he looks like.

Alastor saying fuck you is jarring, but in a funny way.

Lucifer is so hard to watch. Song time.

Alastor as a nun

Why are they having a dad battle?? what is their beef they've literally never interacted. It's just on sight.

oh god the fiddle.

accordion??

He called him a deas!?!

random woman...? Mimzy, okay.

She did not need to push Pen like that, poor man.

Finally Alastor backstory- hold on that doctor overlord tho.

Alastor being aggressive toward Husk is good development with Ep 4, but this should have happened first or in the same episode. Or the two episodes should've been released as a set. Anyway, see him come off as an antagonist is good considering he's supposed to be one and all.

Vaggie why would you mention Angel's drugs while trying to sell lucifer on your road to redemption plan?

Lucifer's 'wackiness' is getting tiring fast what's his character supposed- THAT FUCKING STATIC IS BACK. Its on the windows too now.

Somebody fucking said it, thank you. I don't doubt that Charlie coukd redeem so sinners, but most of them are used to doing whatever they want. Being in heaven is a hard switch and considered tge extermination are for fun, anyone who might get redeemed is not looking at a good time. Maybe if there was a way for them to be reincarnated thenthat would work better.

Giant Alastor. Welcome back to may favorite character list.

The hotel gang eating popcorn is funny. No notes.

Alastor actually carring about the hotel is interesting. Even if it is just for entertainment, him telling Mimzy to leave like that was neat. Also, is it just me or is Mimzy animated odd. It feels jerky, but not in an intentional way.

Song #2.

He sounds like a country singer trying a new genre for the first time.

He says that he cares about her so much, but he actively doesn't interact with her. Charlie says as much at the beginning of the episode.

Oh cool so they were never close, why?

Lilith is faceless because...? It kinda takes you out of the sad song moment.

Literally what was stopping them from getting to know each other? They lived in the same house. If ut was Lilith, she's been gone for seven years. If Lucifer cared about knowing his daughter that much he should have jumped on the chance, not make rubber ducks, or whatever he was doing. It wasn't like he was ruling hell cuz no one knows what he looked like.

Wait, why could Mimzy guess who he was if Alastor hardly knew him?

Credits are rolling. I did not care about either of the songs. Alastor makes this episode, Lucifer shatters it. He isn't even convinced Charlie's plan could work, he just wants to support her. Like good job as a dad, but support alone isn't going to get the job down.

Hopefully the next episode will answer if redeeming sinners is even a possibility, like physically.

Ep 5 is like my second or third favorite only cuz I don't really feel anything for the first two.

#hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel #vivziepop #mostly possible #i guess #one of mine #2 cents

[theunavenged]

Mommy Dearest

As the president of the Catherine Todd Protection Squad, and Founder of the AK!Jason Needs All of the Hugs organization, I am hereby giving Cathy a small bit of redemption from how she was portrayed in Arkham Knight: Genesis, therefore allowing Jason to get lots and lots of hugs and kisses as a kid ❤️ (Abusive Willis gets no redemption. Sorry bud.)

Also on AO3 (please comment & kudos if you enjoy!)

cw: domestic violence, child neglect, drug use/addiction, swearing

It was crying again. More like shrieking. Cathy rolled over in bed and wrapped a pillow around her head. She could fucking geld Willis for this. How hard was it to just pull his dick out and come on her back for a couple of weeks until she could get back on the pill? Too hard for her imbecile husband, apparently. 

As soon as she realized she was pregnant she wanted to get rid of it but Willis wouldn’t let her. That was when he hatched his idiotic scheme to sell a fucking newborn to a bunch of mobsters to pay off their drug debts. Dumbass. Now they were stuck with this 12 pound nightmare that never, ever shut the fuck up.

Willis kicked her in the side, so hard that she almost tumbled off the bed. He grabbed the pillow off of her head, yanking it out of her hands. “If you don’t shut that goddamn baby up then I will,” he growled before slamming the pillow back down in her face and rolling back over in bed.

He always threatened this. Last time she told him to go for it and he’d backhanded her so hard he knocked her to the floor. “Do I look like a fucking nanny? Deal with it!” She still had that bruise on her cheek.

She sat up on the side of the bed and rubbed her sunken bloodshot eyes, trying to find the willpower to stand up. It was December in Gotham and their gas was shut off because they’d smoked up the last payment (and the payment before that, and the payment before that, etcetera, etcetera…) Now they were making do with a couple of space heaters, but she was still freezing her ass off. The absolute last thing she wanted to do right now was crawl out of the warmth of her blankets to go beg a damn baby to stop crying.

She fantasized once again about taking a pillow and smothering it. But as much as she despised the thing she’d never actually do it. She was a good Catholic girl, and she didn’t want to burn in hell for murdering a baby. What does it want from me?? It wasn’t like she knew anything about raising a kid. She was only 19, practically a kid herself. None of her girlfriends who she could’ve turned to for advice even talked to her anymore—they didn’t want to associate with a junkie. Her sister had a brood, but she was on the other side of the country, wrapped up in some evangelical cult her nutjob husband sucked her into, and Cathy would rather suffer with her screaming kid than hear one more time about how she needed to embrace Jesus to be healed of her sinful addictions. She wished she had her mother to help her, but her parents cut her off when she dropped out of high school to run off with the dreamy Willis Todd, who was a decade older than she was, who’d failed out of high school and was too stupid to pass his GED. Worst mistake of my life, and she’d made a lot of them. She also didn’t have the luxury of delivering the baby in an air-conditioned hospital with a nice nurse to send her home with how-to instructions. Nope. She had the thing on a hot roof on a sweltering mid-August night, with Willis telling her to "push," while all she wanted to do was push him and his brat off the building. 

It was somehow shrieking even louder now. How the hell did it have this much energy? She could barely afford to feed herself, much less a kid. And as if everything else she had to deal with wasn’t enough, the damn thing wouldn’t breastfeed. Maybe it could tell that milk was poisoned. She hadn’t changed her lifestyle when she got knocked up or after it was born—why should I when I didn’t want the thing in the first place? Her drawn face softened, smoothing away her angry scowl. For some reason the thought of the baby going hungry made her sad all of a sudden, and for a moment she actually felt sorry for it. The kid didn’t ask to be born. And it certainly didn’t ask to be born to two dirt-poor fuckups. When she stopped by the kitchen to grab her cigarettes and an ashtray she’d make it a bottle. Maybe that would make it happy.

With a sigh, she finally pushed herself off the bed and stood up. She didn’t want to have to deal with Willis if he woke up again—she already had one whining kid to take care of right now. She wandered like a stoned zombie into their tiny kitchen. Their elderly neighbor had shown her how to swaddle the thing—she said it was like being back in the womb or something—but she’d been tweaked out of her mind then and now she couldn’t figure out what the lady had done. Goddamn kid. She’d told Willis over and over that they could dump it at a fire station and be rid of it once and for all, but the idiot was still convinced he could sell it, and there was no talking him out of something when he made his mind up. She’d thought about crawling back home to her parents and begging for a second chance, but she didn’t think she could give up dope for that. And besides, Willis would track her down and beg her to come back to him, and she’d do it. She hated herself for that, but that was how it was. She wasn’t gonna pretend it would be any different than all the other times he’d dragged her back to this shithole apartment.

She lit up a cigarette while she prepared the formula for the bottle. She’d thought all babies had blonde hair, but this one had a head full of black hair, just like her pig of a husband. And its eyes were baby blue now, but she just knew they’d eventually fade to that empty, soulless blue shade of his. You know, the least it could do after I carried it for 9 miserable months was actually look like me. But all she saw when she looked down at it was Willis. A carbon copy of the man. And it would probably grow up to be just like Willis, with his temper and his drugs and his gambling and his whores—another dumbass deadbeat in this godforsaken city. This poor kid was fucked every which way. He’d have no more hope of escaping Gotham’s gravity than she ever had.

She screwed the nipple back onto the bottle, slid the lit cigarette between her lips, and wandered over to the crib and her wailing baby. But… it wasn’t wailing. It had stopped when she entered the living room. Weird. Did the thing drop dead on her or something? That was all she needed right now. A dead baby. She sat the ashtray down with her cigarette, switched on a lamp, and leaned over the crib. 

The chubby little thing was on his back with his stubby arms and legs in the air like a turtle on its shell, and he was smiling up at her, with two huge robin’s egg blue eyes, and although he’d dragged her out of bed at 4 in the morning, she couldn’t help but smile back.

“Aww,” she said gently. “I’ve never seen you smile before.”

She reached in and touched him on his tiny hand and he laughed, and that little laugh was the cutest thing she’d heard or seen in years. She giggled back at him then picked him up and held him against her heart, cradling his head against her shoulder. “Did you just want to be held? Is that it?”

He burbled at her in response, and something cracked inside of her. She suddenly felt like the worst piece of shit human being to ever walk the planet. This was her son, her baby boy. Hers. And for four goddamn months of his short life she had treated him like an unwanted piece of trash. Yet, here he was smiling at her, reaching for her like he knew she was his mommy, knew that she was supposed to protect him and love him unconditionally. He didn’t give a shit that she was a high school dropout, or that she was married to a loser, or that she was a 19 year old jibhead who looked like she was 40, or even that she’d all but neglected him for his entire life—he still wanted her, when the same couldn’t be said of her girlfriends, or her husband, or even her own family. 

The poor thing didn’t even have clothes on, just a diaper. He was probably freezing to death in here. She tugged a ratty blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped herself and her son in it. Tears suddenly welled up in her eyes and she hugged the tiny body against her chest like a teddy bear. “I’m sorry,” she cried as tears rolled down her sunken cheeks, cheeks that were spotted with angry red sores. She felt like a little girl again, and she desperately wanted her own mother to take her in her arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. She wanted her dad to take her away from this hell, to protect her from Willis’ rage. But that was a different life, a life she chose to walk away from so she could play house with a wannabe gangster. Now it was time for her to grow up and become the parent, the protector, the mama bear. She rubbed away the tears from her dark-ringed eyes with the back of her hand.

Her little Jaybird had drifted off to sleep in her arms, and she could feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest, and the soft yet steady beating of his tiny heart. Her own heart felt warm in her chest, warm enough to chase the frigid chill away. She lay her cheek against his soft head. He was such a fragile, helpless little thing, and he would need his mommy to protect him from everything this godforsaken city would throw at him. 

“Mommy’s gonna take care of you now, little one,” she whispered as she rocked him gently. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

And she meant it. It was a promise, an oath. One she hoped she had the strength to keep. For a moment she forgot who she was, who she was married to, where she was forced to live, or who she had become. Right then all that mattered to her was the little life nestled against her breast. Right then she swore that even if she couldn’t escape Gotham’s gravity, she’d do whatever it took to help her baby boy crawl out from beneath its weight.

She gave his black hair a tender kiss, and soon both mother and son were sound asleep.

#can y'all tell i adore this woman??? 😍 #jason todd #(but he's just a baby) #(literally) #catherine todd #willis todd #baby jay #arkham knight #arkham knight: genesis #arkhamverse #my arkhamverse #relationships #headcanon #fanfic #bubs writes fic about jpt #mine

[ddejavvu]

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm snape anti???? Plleeeeeease I beg of you to explain as I cannot fathom how why what when or where ???

gladly!!

this post contains some pretty intense opinions on snape. i'm not posting this to get into a fight with anyone, i'm posting this to tell you my opinion. if you don't share it, that's okay, you don't have to. i know people like him, and i'm not telling you you can't, i'm telling you why i don't. i don't like snape, and here are the reasons why:

snape was a bully. and before you say james was too, james bullied snape because snape bullied lily. and i would too.

snape sought out lily as a friend because she was a loner when she was little, just like him. not by choice, lily didn't get along with her sister so of course she hung out in the garden or by the lake by herself. she wouldn't have taken petunia with her. but when she got to hogwarts and started flourishing (and severus didn't, distancing them), he got jealous. he let his slytherin friends (all future death eaters) suck him further into his muggle-hating misery, and he called lily a mudblood (which i'll remind you is like a wizard slur. hermione cried the first time she was called it, and hagrid gasped like she'd just insulted his mother when she told him what she'd been called. it's gross. not okay to say to someone in that universe.) which then made her upset (rightfully so), and she stopped hanging out with him. he did that. he chose to call her that, he chose to drive her away. his fault.

so then, when she fell for james instead (who, yes, tormented severus. if someone called the girl i was interested in a slur, i'd fuck with them too. you're allowed to bully people who are terrible with no remorse or hesitation or redemption.) severus saw this and got angry, hateful, and miserable. he spent the rest of his life wallowing in self-pity because lily didn't like him (which, as stated before, was his own damn fault and choice), and when the potters went into hiding, snape was already a double agent for the death eaters/the order. he knew that peter was also a double agent, and he should have warned them all. he didn't.

when she died he ran to the scene of the crime, ignored her sobbing, traumatized infant because he himself wasn't the father, and scooped her dead body off of the ground to cry all over it. he was never in it to protect harry, he was never trying to sympathize with him from afar, he didn't care about harry.

when harry starts his years at hogwarts, everyone knows snape as the mean teacher. he mocks his students, insults them, ridicules them, and makes them feel like shit about themselves. i'm not saying that every single teacher has to be sunshine and rainbows and butterflies, but if you're going to be in a position to teach children and help their minds develop, don't be a children-hating monster asshole. neville, who's anxious about everything, says that his biggest fear is professor snape, and the boggart confirms it. that is not normal. i am typically just about as anxious as neville is, and let me tell you, if i ever felt unsafe enough around my teacher that they were my biggest fear, i would have switched schools. (obviously he couldn't because of the system of schooling in that universe, i'm not saying he should have. what i'm saying is, he had a crippling fear of his professor and that shouldn't be allowed to happen). children should not live in constant, overwhelming fear of their professors. that is not normal, that is not okay, that is disgusting. that is child abuse.

then, we are supposed to believe that just because severus says he loved lily, that from the start, he did everything for her, that he was always a good person? fuck no. fuck no, he was a terrible person, and love is not an excuse for any of that. if i loved someone who died and spent the next 20 years of my life making your life and thousands of childrens' lives a living hell 'out of love', would you forgive me?? the monstrosities that he committed throughout his entire life cannot be redeemed by the last thing he says before he dies. fuck snape, he was a child abuser, he was a bully, he was a blood supremacist, and sick, twisted love for a dead woman who was never his does not excuse that.

#mei the snape hater

[memestockpile]

shawshank redemption (1994) feel free to change as needed.

i really don’t remember. i was upset.

i think mostly i wanted to scare them. 

a revolver holds six bullets, not eight. 

you strike me as a particularly icy and remorseless man. 

it chills my blood just to look at you. 

i’ve learned my lesson. 

cigarettes, a bag of reefer if you’re partial, a bottle of brandy. damn near anything, within reason. i’m the guy that can get it for you.

on your feet before i fuck you up so bad you never walk again. 

never seen such a sorry-looking heap of maggot shit in my life. 

does the pope shit in the woods?  of course i am. 

bullshit. i’ll take that action. 

you’re out some smokes, son. 

looked like a stiff breeze could blow him over. 

you eat when we say you eat. you piss when we say you piss. you shit when we say you shit. you sleep when we say you sleep. 

i believe in two things: discipline and the bible. 

the first night’s the toughest, no doubt about it. 

make you wish your daddies never dicked down your mommies. 

talk to me, boy. i know you’re in there. 

i wanna go home!

i had your mother! she wasn’t that great!

you gonna eat that?

i believe i owe that boy a big sloppy kiss when i see him. 

doesn’t matter what his fucking name was. he’s dead. 

i keep my ear to the ground. 

they say you think your shit smells sweeter than ordinary. that true? 

i understand you’re a man who knows how to get things. 

i’m known to locate certain things from time to time. 

i’d grow eyes in the back of my head if i were you. 

you get this in your eyes, it blinds you.

honey, hush. 

prison is no fairy world. 

may is one damn fine month to be working outdoors. 

a million bucks? jeez louise! 

hey, you nuts?

i miss the joke? what’s so funny?

you better start making sense. 

actually, i feel silly telling you all this. 

the colossal prick even managed to sound magnanimous. 

chess. now there’s the game of kings. 

i guess we’re getting to be friends, aren’t we?

relax. what are you so worried about? she’s just a woman. 

i said fuck off. 

a sudden serious brain injury causes the victim to bite down. hard. in fact, i understand the bite reflex is so strong, the victim’s jaws have to be pried open with a crowbar.

you little fuck. 

what are you, fucking geologist?

i hear you’re good with numbers. 

ain’t that a kick in the ass?

be nice to have some company down here for a change. 

not a dime. my budget’s stretched thin as it is. 

you’re not fooling anybody, so just put the damn knife down and stop scaring the shit out of people. 

goddamn near slit my throat!

ain’t that bad, old hoss. 

old man’s as crazy as a rat in a tin shithouse. 

i do believe you’re talking out of your ass. 

the world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. 

i have trouble sleeping at night. 

guess i’m too old for that sort of nonsense. 

i don’t like it here. i’m tired of being afraid all the time. 

tell [name] i’m sorry i put a knife to his throat. no hard feelings. 

some things are best left unsaid. 

lost my taste for it. 

hope is a dangerous thing. 

it’s very pretty. thank you. 

you be sure and thank her for this fine pie. 

tell them if they over-starch my shirts again, they’re gonna hear about it from me. 

got his fingers in a lot of pies, from what i hear. 

you can’t just make a person up. 

did i say you were good? you’re rembrandt. 

i had to come to prison to be a crook. 

cops caught him sneaking tv sets out the back door of a jc penney. 

young punk. 

movin’ like molassas! makin’ me look bad!

freeze, kid! hands in the air!

you hear what i said, boy?

perhaps it’s time you considered a new profession. 

you don’t seem to be a very good thief. perhaps you should try something else. 

something lit a fire under that boy’s ass. 

i ain’t no goddamn loser. 

i don’t read all that good. 

ass in gear, son! you’re putting us behind!

that’s crap, son.

he’s proud of you. proud as a hen. 

c’mon, boy, back to work. 

talked all the time, too, that’s the other thing. never shut up. places he’d been, jobs he pulled, women he fucked. even people he killed. 

i tell you, son, this really came along and knocked my wind out. 

are you catching my drift?

i didn’t pull the trigger, but i killed her. 

you underestimate yourself. 

pacific ocean? hell, like to scare me to death, something that big. 

get busy living or get busy dying. 

like something out of a robert frost poem. 

every man’s got a breaking point. 

lickety-split. i wanna get home. 

nice having you back. place just wasn’t the same without you. 

alone in the dark with nothing but your thoughts, time can draw out like a blade.

that was the longest night of my life. 

you better be sick or dead in there. 

i shit you not. 

i see you two all the time. you’re thick as thieves, you are. 

in prison, a man’ll do most anything to keep his mind occupied.

i mean, seriously, how often do you really look at a man’s shoes?

oh, my holy god. 

some birds aren’t meant to be caged. 

i guess i just miss my friend. 

not a day goes by i don’t feel regret. 

it’s a politician’s word. 

what do you really want to know?

you don’t need to ask me every time you need to take a piss. 

no way am i gonna make it on the outside. 

they’re calling this the summer of love. 

oughta bust his fucking skull. 

terrible thing, to live in fear. 

hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

i hope the pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. 

#rp meme #rp #roleplay meme #tumblr roleplay #roleplay #sentence meme #sentence starter meme #roleplay sentence meme #rp sentence meme #sentence starters #askbox rp #askbox meme #ask meme #askbox #ask

[dollfaceksj]

because i cannot understand his hypocrisy. He fucks other girls with an intention to try to move on from reader. But still ends up at her door and to some extent its okay, but still even saying I love you to her doesn't seem at all like he is even trying to move on.

Not to offend someone but if I were in reader's place, I would've gladly let him fuck me (cuz why not!) But yeah that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Even if I would still have feelings for him, that doesn't me a I would walk straight into his toxicity.

He really puts blame on the reader even when he knows she broke up with him for his own sake and there was even full conversation of it, so it also doesn't leave the option for any misunderstanding either.

She even told him that she would be there for him while he is learning to improve himself. She is kind. To me what he does is plainly an asshole move and is making no redemption for it and his moves doesn't make sense to me.

Like what does he expect from the reader now? Seriously reader should also fuck with others if he is doing it. It should be from both sides. Only him doing so and still if reader takes him back, would only prove that she is blinded.

They should just break it off for real

dang this is crazyyy

something tells me u didnt really get the story so ill explain it to you again:

as mentioned, jungkook has never been by himself. he comes from a line of short relationships and situationships and his first actual love is y/n. he is extremely, extremely attached to her.

jungkook has never once blamed y/n, he has only stated the fact that she walked out on him which is true, she did choose to break it off with him. he doesn’t blame her for it, not at all, in fact he understands. he only reminds her that she has no right to fuss over what he does when they are not together anymore and he is right.

you say that y/n should just ‘start fucking others too’ and that it should ‘come from both sides’ but that’s where you’ve lost the plot.

again, jungkook has never been by himself. so his attempts at moving on is looking for affection some place else, he can’t imagine living without it because he never had to nor has he experienced it. (until y/n broke up with him.) he is scared of being alone.

y/n on the other hand, has a healthy relationship with herself as stated in pt1, doesnt cling to the past, forgives anyone that has hurt her without a second thought, always trying new things, always looking for change. the thing with her is that she has fallen deeply in love with jungkook but she isn’t terrified of being alone like jungkook is so for her to start sleeping around doesn’t make sense, she doesn’t crave that. you saying that just tells me you read reminder in a very black and white/one dimensional mindset when its much more complex than that.

i do agree that jungkook saying ‘i will never let you forget about me’ is narcissistic however he never once claims ‘i will never let you move on from me’. yes, he doesn’t want her to move on from him but that doesn’t mean that he’ll actively prevent it.

yes, he keeps showing up at her front door. yes, he knows she can’t resist him. that is selfish of him.

but its been made clear that if she tells him to stop, he will stop. jungkook will listen to whatever she says. he couldve thrown a way bigger tantrum when she first broke up with him but all she had to say was ‘stop’ and he stopped. he processed her words. he asked for one more night and he left without another word.

because he trusts her with his life. he loves her too.

every single time he returns to her home he very clearly asks if he can kiss her and if he can have sex with her because she can decline, she can tell him to leave and he’ll obviously respect that. she just cant bring herself to make him leave because she still loves him, still wants him, still craves him.

so that being said i hope i gave u more insight because i wholeheartedly have to disagree with what ur saying. i respect people’s opinions and thoughts nonetheless and i always encourage my readers to share their thoughts and reactions but you completely misunderstood the story and i just wanted to take the time explain it to you.

#clover over #reminder is a much more complex story than ur making it out to be #reread it after uve seen this if u want #love is complicated #inner battles are complicated #reminder jjk

[kaybreezy3000]

The Anti Hero's Pitfall of Arrogance

Five Hargreeves / Female OC

What happens when you disarm an exceptionally arrogant person, one that is a self-absorbed, teleporting, teenaged superhero?

The answer is not great things.

Get ready for a taste of Five like you've never had before...

(Chapters Three and Four Post)

- This AU starts off when the Hargreeves are 16 and but is based off the show. It's going to give you a look inside Five's mind at that time of his life and not all of it is good, but I promise it's not all bad. I always make sure to give our boy his day to shine.

Warnings and Tags: sexually explicit content, flashbacks, teen bad behavior, survival horror, bad decisions, regret, POV Five, aggression issues, suffering, humor and angst and fluff, redemption, sweet Five and mean Five in same story, Dolores is a factor, hurt Number Five, Five makes fun and dirty check lists in this one, Young Five is really something, Plot twists and many tags left off to avoid spoiling the story.

Link to Full Summary and Chapter One and Chapter Two

Chapter Three: House On Fire

I followed her.

I felt like I had no choice.

Or maybe I did it because of her very nice-looking butt that was within my hands reach. She wasn’t even trying to cover it, so how could me looking at it be my fault?

Well…maybe she was covering it, but that towel wasn’t doing a great job. It was way too small, and I could see her flawlessly rounded ass cheeks just fine, not that I hadn’t already seen everything else too, but this was all still blowing my mind and I was hardly thinking with my entire brain. 

Even in the very dim light as she was showering, just seeing those perky tits nearly did me in.

My conduct was normally never so rudimentary. I knew that I was acting out of character and that I was better than this.

In my fucked-up brain, I believed that I was better than her, but it was easier to blame my ill-thought-out decision to come in there on anything but myself.

Just the fact that I met up with a girl, all so I could possibly fool around with her was wrong. Me thinking she went to a respected private school somehow made it easier for me to reconcile, but even as dense as I was, I knew that it was something entirely different if the girl was homeless and not at all who she originally appeared to be.

The second she realized I was following her, she let go of my arm and I could have left, but I still didn’t retreat.

That would have been even worse than the first time I blinked away, so I rationalized that was a good enough reason for blindly following her like I was a lost puppy.

What I should have done right then was apologize for showing up like I'd just done after openly blowing her off on the street, and then I also shouldn’t have gaped at her after that, but no, apologizing for either of those things was far from what I did.

It might have been guilt that made me finally pull my eyes off her cute ass, but it was probably just my training kicking in. I glanced around us making sure it was safe. Again, all I saw was the old, deserted workspace where her things were laid out. It was cold, damp, and dark and it didn’t seem right at all, but there appeared to be no immediate danger here.

I nearly ran into her when she stopped and turned my way, and I could tell she thought that was funny because her eyes crinkled at the corners, and she held a hand over her mouth for a second or two in an effort to hide that she was cracking up over my inability to walk.

“Gosh... I can’t believe you are here. I didn’t really think you would come, and then I saw you-" She paused, her smile getting bigger as she carefully hoisted up her bath towel, which showed me less of her chest but offered a better view of her legs. “I am so excited. I am a huge fan of the Umbrella Academy, but mostly that’s because of you.” Even in the dim light I could see her blushing from saying that and I was eating up. “I mean… Oh, my God, that sounds so dumb, I am sorry.”

She looked so worked up over seeing me; it was helping me feel less uncomfortable, but only a little.

“I know this looks bad,” she said, gesturing around her, “but I can explain. This situation is temporary. I swear I’m not a weirdo or anything.” She laughed again ad this time her laugh came out much more openly and I found that I liked the sound of it. It was delicate and feminine, just like her voice and everything about her. “Not that people living on the streets are weirdos or anything, it’s just that something bad happened and well…” She didn’t finish and I didn’t press her about it, because truthfully, I didn't care about anything other than watching her. 

Being a little less of an ass, I cleared my throat while looking around aimlessly to try and keep my eyes off areas of her that I shouldn’t be looking at, like the drops of water dripping from her hair that then slipped down in-between her breasts.

“Ah, yeah," I mumbled, acting totally unaware of what she was talking about. "Sorry about that. At first, I didn’t realize that was you on the corner.” My eyes continued to dart anywhere but at her as I anxiously rubbed the back of my neck and continued lying. “I mean, I didn't recognize you without that school uniform on,” I clarified, before I stupidity rambled on. “I read your note. It sounded like you had something important you needed to see me about. Being available to help people is sort of what we do. I am here, so...”

She said nothing, so I raised a brow at her, indicating that she needed to lead this.

Going with the ‘Superhero, here at your service’ thing was such a dumb thing to say, because helping your normal average people on the street was not at all what Reginal Hargreeves was about or what we normally did at The Umbrella Academy, but seeing as most my blood wasn’t pumping to my brain, that was all I had.

Her eyes widened with what I assumed was recognition, and her hands tightened around her towel as I did my best to level a hard stare at her again.

“Uhm, wah-w-would you just give me a second,” she stuttered. “I just… I am sorry, I’m so nervous. I still can’t believe it’s really you, like the real live Five Hargreeves, with me, here.”

She bit her lower lip with her upper teeth as her eyes trailed up and down, taking me in like I was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen.

“Ah… I just need to-”

She quickly bent down, frantically digging through a plastic bag with what appeared to be clothing in it.

“I can’t imagine what you think of me,” she said as she waved her hand at all her things, “of all this, and-" She looked up from her crouched position. “You know, with this place and my whole improvised shower thing. Since I thought you changed your mind about meeting me, and it started to rain, I figured I may as well enjoy a rinse, but you are probably thinking all sorts of things about me doing that,” she added, snatching a shirt out of her pile.

“I don’t think anything, and I didn’t see anything," I replied, way too quickly, but I'd already lied once, and she didn’t call me out on it, so I figured that I may as well lie again because she obviously was too rattled to call me out on it. 

“Oh... Okay.” Her lips pulled to the side like something was bothering her. “I only wore that uniform because I wanted to look less…” she looked down at her hands, “-less me, I guess. It's just, when I heard about the press conference today, I jumped at the chance to go and I wanted to look nice, so that’s why I wore that.” Her head very slowly shook side to side, then she looked back up. “I did go to that school, but I don’t anymore.”

“Sure,” I indifferently retorted as I tucked both my hands in my pockets rather that anxiously fiddle with my blazer's lapels.

With a puff of air to blow my hair out of my eyes, I tipped back on the balls of my feet in an effort to look as cool and calm as possible.

“That’s…ah, fine," I added. "I wasn’t trying to make it seem like it matters or anything So, yeah... I am going to just look over this way so you can-” I pulled my hand out of my pocket, gesturing the other way, then I turned, giving her a moment to make herself decent.

Behind me, I could hear more rustling, then a few seconds later, the area we were standing in lit up with a warm glow of light. It totally took me off guard, and despite the fact that the girl was trying to get dressed, I immediately turned back her way.

My mouth gaped as I breathed, “What the-"

Her big blue eyes looked startled as I felt.

“It was so dark in here. Isn’t this better?” she worriedly asked, interrupting me from asking how in the hell she managed to light so many candles that fast.

I nodded an affirmative yes, as I thickly swallowed.

My mouth felt dry, and my hands felt so unbelievably hot.

I could see her much better now. She wasn’t fully naked or in her little towel anymore, but she was only wearing a long white t-shirt and it didn’t appear to be her size because it was falling off one of her shoulders, exposing her slender upper arm and the delicate curve of her collar bone. Behind her, I could see that along the ledge of dirty windows that faced out to the factory floor, she had dozens of candles that I hadn’t noticed before, and each one and many of the others that were strewn about were all lit. There were at least thirty or more, but I never heard a strike of a match or the flick of a lighter.

“How’d you-"

She raised a hand, stopping me because when she did, I got a glimpse of her lacey little red panties. Then I turned red, and she giggled at my gawking wide-eyed reaction to that.

“I’m making you uncomfortable,” she taunted.

“No.”

I knew my fast answer was as unconvincing as all my others, but I couldn’t help it.

The girl inched closer.

“Hey, I promise I won’t bite. Not unless you want me to,” she purred. “I meant it when I said that you are my favorite member of the Umbrella Academy. I really did want to meet you and that was in part because I figured you would be the only one willing to listen to me, but I really like you too, Five.”

She was right in front of me now. I held my ground. Something felt off, but when she reached out and took my wrist, pulling my hand out of my pocket, I didn’t pull away. Instead, I let her pull me closer.

“Why am I your favorite?” I quietly asked.

She smiled. “Because you are extremely smart. You always seem to be a million steps ahead of the rest.”

In the glowing candlelight I could see her cheeks light up from saying that, but it only made her look more beautiful. 

“You are my favorite because you are, well… Because you are so-” She looked down, eyeing my neck or maybe my tie, I wasn't sure. “I feel so silly saying this to you, because you are you, and you are famous, and so incredible and everything, but you are my favorite because you are so charmingly mannered and serious all the time and because you are so uniquely handsome."

With each thing she said, I felt like my brain could not compute. “You think I am handsome?” I asked, sounding like a complete buffoon.

“Yes, I do. I have a huge crush on you. I think you are so hot,” she breathed as her fingers ran across the inside of my palm. She twisted one foot around her opposite ankle and her knee bumped into my leg, brushing against my nerdy knee sock.

She was so close. All I wanted to do was touch her.

Again, my eyes felt drawn to her body, especially to her chest because I could see plain as day that she was chilled from the night air coming in from outside.

When I looked back up, she quirked a brow, confidently holding my hungry stare. Her long lashes fluttered as she leaned in expectantly and one of her hands fell against my chest with a teasing softness.

“It’s pretty clear that you like what you see too,” she said, followed by another giggle. “I don’t mind if you do. I am glad you find me attractive. I may have been dangling an intentional carrot when I promised to make this worth your while. But that's only because I really wanted you to come tonight. I did ask you to meet me because I needed to talk to you about something important, but we can definitely do more than talk if you want that. I really, really like you, Five, like a lot."

Her toes bumped my shoes and my eyes moved down to see there was no space left between us.

“It looks like you want to touch me. Do you?”

“Yes," I said as my voice shook.

My answer was so pathetically soft, but I felt at a loss for words, so I was lucky anything came out. This girl was all I could think about, and she was knocking me off my game big time.

Her smile looked so sincere. “I’m all yours then."

Holy shit. This was it.

This is what I came for, so…

Leaning in, I tilted my head down like I assumed you should do if you’re going to try and kiss someone slightly shorter than you. She silently reciprocated my small overture, clearing the distance between us.

My eyes automatically shut.

Then, as if I was having an outer body experience, I felt my mouth pressing against hers.

Wow.

Her lips were smooth as silk. I could smell her even better now; the flowery scent and heat of her body were pulling my mind out of that dank factory and taking away all my usual anxieties and racing thoughts.

All I felt was her.

Right then, I understand why people did this.

I was finally getting what all the fuss was about and why my brothers were constantly going on and on about it.

Who knew that something as simple as kissing was so awesome?

I am sure that I grazed her mouth too hard at first, but I didn’t know how to do it. That was the point in coming there. I didn’t know how to do any of this, but I found that I was desperately wanting to know, and lucky me, I was getting exactly what I came for.

Thoughts of me being better than her, and her being a homeless teenager, one that obviously wasn’t in the best situation, faded far into the recesses of my mind. Everything that normally bogged me down became just more background noise like the steady thrum coming from the rain.

Feeling the warm pressure of her lips against mine sent a rousing prickling sensation up and down my spine. I felt like every one of my nerve endings ignited, and I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her, but instead, I let up because I didn’t want to scare her off. I didn’t want to pull away from this feeling yet, but thankfully she didn’t want it to end either. As soon as I stopped kissing her, she advanced, pushing her mouth to mine again. 

She still had one of my hands in hers and my other hand felt like it needed to be somewhere other than dangling uselessly at my side, so the next thing I knew, it was resting on her slender waist. The cotton fabric of her shirt slid under my hand as my fingers dug into her hip, latching on. She wasn’t trying to get away, but something in me, something that I didn’t quite understand, wanted her as close as possible and needed to make sure she didn't leave me just yet.

Her lips parted against mine and feeling that, I let my tongue dip inside her mouth like I'd heard you should do. She allowed it and even massaged my tongue back with hers.

It felt unreal and I felt very, very erotically wet and hot.

First time seeing a real naked chick (other than in one of Diego’s Playboys that he kept under the floorboard under his bed): Check

First kiss: Check.

First ‘French’ kiss: Check

This one experience was such a great idea. I would have no shortage of things to lord over my moronic brothers if they were making fun of me and I felt the need to shut them down.

A few minutes later, after more soft tongue twisting, I risked moving my arm around her so that my hand was laying across her lower back and, in doing so, the sexiest sound came out of her. Then to even further prove that she was enjoying this as much as me, she pushed her curvy little body flush with mine, her hip falling even more perfectly between my legs.

My first reaction was to move myself back to a safer distance because I was sure that she could feel my dick and that’s because I sure as hell could feel it. I’d been fighting a hard-on since I first saw her buck naked and I was steadily losing that fight the longer I was in her presence.

Oh, but fuck she felt so good. God help me...

Instead of shying away from my body’s response to her, it seemed that she was loving it. She rubbed her body against my pelvic region and that sealed it. There was no slowing down that not so little physiological reaction I was having.

I could feel my dick getting full hard. Before this, when my hands were in my pockets, I had tried to conceal how turned on I was by tucking it up under the waistband of my briefs in the trusty hide your boner method, but now that was doing little to nothing in hiding the fact that I was very turned on.

When our lips finally parted, I was noticeably breathless, but so was she as she asked, “Do you want me to touch you?”

I didn’t know what she meant. I was touching her, and she was already touching me. As I kissed her, she moved her hands up around my shoulders. Her fingers had been gently moving through the hair at the nap of my neck the entire time and it felt so God damn amazing.

When I didn’t answer her question, she lowered one of her hands, taking one of mine under hers. She took it off her hip, placing it back on her ass in an assertive way that caused a smacking sound on impact. It made me startle at first, but I also couldn't begin to hold in my growing smile over how much I liked that.

She giggled as my fingers splayed across the thin lacy fabric covering her. Trying to make her smile even more, I dipped a finger under the fabric over one of her cheeks as I held my breath in a failed attempt to contain my elation over her letting me do this.

“You can touch me, Five. I want you to,” she assured even though it was already apparent that she was fine with this.

After that open invitation to do more, my other hand joined in the fun, groping her butt cheeks. They were firm yet jiggly and so unbelievably exciting to play with. I cupped them possessively, just enough to lift her off the floor a tiny bit. She seemed to like it and I did too and not just because that caused the weight of her to press into me in the most pleasurable way. She was so easy to lift; it made me feel so powerful and that was not a feeling I was used to. I won nearly every match between me and my siblings during training, but that was not because I was big and strong. My only sibling smaller than me was Vanya, and she and I only had interactions that were in conversation, not combat.

With a smile, I dove back in, kissing her even more confidently. It was sloppy and fucking fantastic, and her reaction to it was great.

There was no mistaking her wiggly hips trying to drive me even more nuts as they rolled against my erection.

This was crazy. I knew that. But I didn’t want to stop.

She felt so perfect. She tasted so damn delicious; like she’d been eating fruity flavored candy. I loved the way her mouth felt as it moved with mine. I loved how her body felt under my hands as I let them explore just a little more freely. Moving up the back of her shirt, my palm slid along her velvety skin, edging upwards.

The girl clearly meant that she liked me and that I could touch her as I wished because when I went for it, tickling my fingers across the side of her breast, she made another one of those amazing little noises.

I broke our heated kiss. “Is this okay?” I asked, wanting to be sure before I did anything else.

“Yes. What you are doing feels so good, Five. Touch me however you want,” she breathlessly assured, her swollen lips parting in a soft gasp as I let my fingers trail over her chest. I let her nipples catch between my fingers, relishing in how hard they were, but I was still too jumpy to stay and play with them more than that even though I was all but salivating as I thought about diving under her shirt and taking her with my mouth.

Feeling up a girl’s warm and so soft and tantalizingly squishy boobs: Big Boner Check!

Her head tipped back, and her eyes closed as I continued to let my fingers explore and I carefully studied her responses.

“Are you cold?” My question came out slightly cocky, but I couldn’t help it. Her tits were so hard! I knew she liked this.

Her eyes slowly opened as a cute smirk pulled her lips to the side. “No. I am far from cold. In fact, I don’t usually get cold like normal people do.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, it’s my magical superpower and it makes it much easier when taking a shower in the rain or when you’re trying to stay warm on particularly cold nights when you are forced to sleep outside. But even with my talents, I am not planning on staying around here for winter,” she replied as I pressed her up against me just a little tighter, letting her hips dance against the bulge in my pants that was dying for as much attention as it could get.

“Where are you going?” I mindlessly asked because I was only a tiny bit focused on our conversation.

The girl’s hand moved under my blazer. I could feel her trying to work up the bottom of my knitted vest as she answered. “I’m not sure yet, but somewhere warmer. After everything, I think that I need a fresh start.”

When she was done running her warm hand under my shirt and over my abs, she pulled it free then dropped it down over the stretched wool fabric of my shorts, and there was no preventing the groan like noise that followed.

“Oh my God, that feels so good. Please don't stop," I breathed as she worked her hand over me.

Getting my boner felt up by a hot chick: Check!

My hair fell over my closed eyes as my body leaned into her touch. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I couldn't help rutting into her hand to increase the sensation.

“Like I said, Five, I really like you,” she whispered alongside my ear, further sending electrifying tingles across my overheated skin.

With each hard pass of her hand over the fabric of my shorts, I felt myself winding tighter. The reality that she could make me come in my pants by simply groping my dick through my clothes was becoming a very real prospect with each second that passed, but to only further add to my inability to back away and my dismay, she started to lower herself.

“What are you doing?” I frantically asked.

I seriously didn’t know, and I urgently felt the need to pull her back up so I could bury my face against her neck and she could continue to touch me like that.

As I gazed down at her in question, her fingers quickly popped the button holding my waistband closed, and no sooner had she done that, then she was examining my fly. As her fingers pulled down the tiny piece of metal holding my zip up, both my hands flung downwards to prevent my dick from springing out in her face, but she smiled up at me with those beautiful sparkling ocean eyes of hers, looking like she was not at all concerned about that happening.

“I want you to like me too, Five. I want to do this for you and for me. I want to make you feel good,” she said.

I didn’t know what to say to that. My mind was spiraling and coming up with zero.

When her hand came up, moving my hands aside, I didn't fight it.

“Oh fuck!” I moaned as she leaned in and pressed her hot lips over the thin fabric cover of my cotton boxers.

Her warm hand pushed aside my pants as she began placing the softest kisses up my entire length.

“Has anyone ever done this for you before?” she asked, letting her words vibrate my aching tip.

The fabric of my underwear was wet from my pre-cum and when she licked at it and then happily smiled up at me afterwards, I croaked out a very embarrassing, “No, never.”

She beamed even more over my answer, then she began working my shorts and my briefs down my trembling legs.

“I’m surprised to hear that,” she mused as her warm hand tenderly ran back up my left leg and then reached over to tug where my pants got stuck on my other thigh.

Her eyes flit up to mine as I watched her shuffling my clothing down as far as she could. Once she had my uniform shorts and underwear down to my knees, I widened my stance in anticipation of her jerking me off because that’s what I figured was going to happen because she was already stroking me.

It felt odd but also so empowering as I stood over her, watching her seemingly taking pleasure in pleasuring me. I was having all sorts of dirty thoughts about doing more to her, but I kept them to myself as I focused on her hand moving where only mine had ever been before.

“Five Hargreeves, you aren’t what I expected.” When our eyes met, her grin told me that she meant that as somewhat of a joke, but in what way exactly, I didn’t understand, and at the moment, I didn’t care. “I figured by how eager and wonderful you are at kissing, that someone with your sexy skills and fame, would have had plenty of opportunities to get sucked off.”

Just hearing her say that made my cock twitch and more liquid slowly drip out of me, but the moment her lips molded around my swollen bulb of flesh, that’s what made me lose it.

I helplessly swayed backwards. The sudden shuffling of my feet and the scuffing sounds of my shoes as I miraculously stopped myself from falling, all mixed with my uncontained squeak of a moan, and it made it sound like something bad was happening to me and I was trying to get away, but that was far from it.

“You really want to do this?” I asked even though she was already sucking on my dick as the words came sputtering out of my mouth.

Her tongue swirled around before she popped her mouth off and she grinned at me with those cherry red lips.

“Yes, I do, but I have only done this two other times and that was with the same guy. I have only been with one person Five, and from what I understand of it, everyone likes it differently, so don’t be scared to help me make this better for you.”

Well, that little piece of information definitely helped ease my worries about STDs, and it also helped ease the lingering thought that maybe she was not only homeless, but maybe that she was also the type to try and earn money by hanging out on dark street corners picking up drunk strangers on their way home from bars.

I nodded that I understood what she meant by helping her even though I didn’t, then she placed her mouth on me again and began really working me over.

On her knees, her face was at the perfect height for this as she bobbed her head, letting her mouth wet my length, inch by inch. Gazing down at her as she performed this act on me, I very gently placed my hand on her head, feeling her damp hair slip under my fingers before I gently tucked it back behind her ears so I could see what she was doing better.

Getting my dick sucked: Ch-Check yeah!

This was turning into way more than I could have ever imagined. I was knocking off sexual millstones at an alarming rate, but I was normally fast and good at everything I did, so excelling at this wasn’t really anything that shocking, and in that glorious moment, I found myself feeling pretty damn pleased with myself about it.

The sight of my dick moving in and out of her mouth was enough to make me feel like I could do anything. My hips very slowly began to push towards her mouth each time she took me in. This got her making tiny moaning noises of her own and I also found that she was taking me deeper with each thrust, so it had to be okay.

“You are so good at this,” I encouraged because saying that seemed like the right thing to do, and that smart move got me rewarded with her free hand falling over mine where it was still gently resting on her head, her fingers lacing with my own.

I was confused at first, but when she applied pressure to the back of my hand, essentially forcing my dick deeper in her mouth, I got it.

“Are you sure?” I breathed as my feet shifted, causing a deep squeaking sound followed by a sharp squeak as one of my shoes slipped on the water that must have dripped from her hair on to the floor. The old floorboards creaked again as I dug in, looking for any kind of traction as I started to pump my hips a little harder even though she hadn't replied yet.

She made a sound that had to mean yes, and that was it. My entire body felt like it was already quivering in anticipation of my release, but that didn’t stop me from taking her by the back of the head like she had shown me so I could fuck her mouth at the very brutal pace I was used to jerking myself.

All at once, the hand she had been using to assist in blowing me was down at my tensely flexed thigh, and it was joined by her other hand on my other leg shortly after my throbbing dick started to slam down what her throat.

I could see and feel her gagging a few times, but she contained that reaction very quickly. Her short nails dug into my skin, but other than that, it didn’t seem like she wanted me to stop, so I didn’t.

The familiar tension was building in my balls, and I knew the inevitable was coming. Breathing in quick shallow puffs of air as I took a few final marvelous feeling diggers at her wonderful mouth, I finally let up on her hair, letting go of her completely.

The pulsing heat was on its way.

I tried to step back, shifting my weight on one foot to back away and pull out, but she held me tight, even moving one of her hands up to cling to the bottom of my academy jacket so I couldn't escape.

My entire body shuddered as her mouth continued to glide over me. She swallowed my waves of pleasure as they tore out of me, and her other hand made sure to help drain every last quivering ounce of seed I was spurting as she milked my shaft.

I could hardly see straight. My eyes kept falling shut as I shook all over. Feeling beyond dizzy, I’d have to force them open again as I held on to her shoulders because I honestly needed the support her small frame was giving me.

It probably took me a full minute to focus my vision. When I did, I saw that she was still on her knees, but I already knew that her mouth wasn’t on me anymore. The girl’s cheeks were very red, and her eyes looked watery. She was even sniffling a little.

As the euphoria faded, my feelings of deep remorse began creeping in. I was way too rough. I forced myself down her throat, gagging her and cutting off her ability to breathe and for some reason she let me do it, but still, I shouldn't have.

Even as she wiped at her eyes and started to stand up, she tried to smile, clearly making an effort to ease my worries.

Her trembling lips looked so beautiful. I didn't understand it, or her, especially her attraction to me. I had just defiled her and treated her like my own personal cum dump, yet she looked like she was in love with me.

Her soft laugh that came out sounding so genuine as she peered up at me and it helped shake off most of the guilt I was struggling very hard to suppress.

“Again, Five Hargreeves, meeting you had been full of surprises, but also not.”

“What do you mean?” I asked as I fumbled with my underwear and my shorts, pulling them up and fastening them as best I could because I was still somewhat hard and again had to adjust myself northwards in accordance with that.

“I mean that you know what you want, and you know how to get it. I like that, so please don’t take it as a bad thing. And for the other thing, about not being surprising... Well, yeah. All guys like their dicks sucked," she said with another laugh that I think wasn't to make fun of me, but I wasn't really sure.

As was the norm in my brief conversation with the girl, I didn’t know how to reply to that.

“That was truly an unforgettable experience. You were so good at-" I started to say, but then stopped because the right words to thank her for blowing me wouldn’t form in my mouth.

“Thank you for the compliment.” She chuckled at my ineloquence as she straightened her baggy shirt, but a second later it slid down her slender shoulder again.

She crossed her arms over her chest as she continued to smile. It was as if she was waiting for something else. She probably had a right to be expecting something else from me after what she just did.

I didn't know what exactly that would be or what I should do. Hardly thinking, but at least realizing that I should say something other than a few muttered words, I began rambling again.

“Phoebe, was it?”

She smirked as she shifted her weight just a little, lifting one of her bare feet so her toes were rubbing over the top of one of my dusty black shoes. Her bare foot left a clean streak on top of the hard leather as it whipped away some of the dirt that had gotten kicked up on me from the filthy floor.

“Yes. It’s Phoebe. But you can call me Fee.” She appeared to be laughing off my only now recalling her name. “Everyone who knows me does.”

I didn't know her, but I said, “Okay, Fee.” I ran my hand back over my hair as I glanced around, feeling like a total idiot. “So, ah…you said that you don’t live here?”

“No. This place is temporary. I used to live on campus with my mom. Like I said," she laughed at me again, "I used to go there. My mom was employed by them as an instructor under a work visa, so I was lucky enough to get a chance to apply on a student visa and I got in.”

“Where’s your mom?”

I realized this was all something she mentioned before, and I also realized it was rude of me not to have asked more about her or her situation earlier, but I didn’t mention that or that I had actually thought she probably stole the uniform or that I thought she was probably making it up that she attended such a prestigious school.

“My mom passed away three months ago. They diagnosed her with stage four cancer and things happened very fast after that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but why are you here in a place like this, hanging out on the streets at night?”

For the first time, the girl looked slightly offended. She pulled her foot back from where she had left it next to mine.

She let out a tired sounding sigh. Her eyes looked unfocused as she looked off at a pile of books on the floor next to her bedding. “The reason I am here in this dump is because I had nowhere else to go. Homeless shelters aren’t great or safe, and right now they aren’t an option for me anyway.”

“Don’t you have family?”

“All we had was each other. Mom was an only child and her parents wanted nothing to do with her after she decided to keep me.”

“Why would they do that?”

She shrugged. “Because she was so young. She was doing her own thing, traveling around the world at the time. They weren’t happy about her choice to delay going to university and then when she came home with a baby and wouldn’t tell them anything about how it happened, that was it. They were stuck up, heartless assholes who cared more about their precious reputation than their own child, so they disowned her.”

“Where are your grandparents now?”

She was giving me a look like she didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting this. “For one, those people who left my mom and I to rot are not my grandparents, and two, the last I knew, they are still in France, living just outside of Paris. When my mom was dying, social services and the kind people from U.S. immigration were ready to ship me off to go live with them but I wasn’t having that. I want nothing to do with them and I know the feeling is mutual. They were only taking me in because the law said that they had to.”

“But how are you going to live here?” I stopped and shook my head back at her in disbelief. “I don’t mean here, but like here, in the states. You can’t be much different in age than me, so you can’t live on the streets. If you were on a student visa that would mean you aren't a citizen, right?”

She all out laughed at that and rolled her eyes. “I am almost seventeen, just like you, and my citizenship in the U.S. is a temporary issue, just like my housing situation. I was born in Albania, so technically I guess that means I could claim citizenship there or in France since my mom was French, but I'm not going to do that. I am no child and I'll figure it out. Just like my mom, I am very resourceful.”

“Okay,” I replied sharply, still not understanding what this was all about. “What did you say you wanted to talk to me about? You did say that didn’t you?”

The girl named Fee unfolded arm arms, looking up at me with so much emotion in her expression that I didn’t understand.

“I wanted to tell you that there are others like you out there.”

“What? What do you mean, others like me?”

She licked her lips as her eyes pulled away from mine, looking across the room at the rusty old desk pushed up against the farthest wall. The candles she had grouped together on top of it suddenly flickered. It must have been a gust of wind that blew in from the hole in the roof on the other side of the wall, but to me, it felt like it was getting hotter in there, not colder as the storm outside got stronger and the rain pelted down harder on the roof.

A sad looking smile appeared in place of her other mysterious expression as she looked back up at me.

“I mean that you and your adoptive siblings aren’t the only ones that were born with special powers.”

Taking a step back, I cocked my chin to the side as I narrowed my eyes at her.

“How would you know that? What is this really about? Why do I get the feeling that you are full of shit and that you are trying to get something out of me with all this?”

I shot off that rapid fire of questions and none of them came out very nice, but I couldn't help myself. I was getting very defensive and anxious all of a sudden.

The heat in the room vanished and I could see my breath and hers.

Something felt very wrong.

There was a small puff of air out of her nose and that pretty smile disappeared. “I want a lot of things, but I don’t like what you are implying. I didn’t ask you to meet me so I could get something from you. And I know that there are others like you because I met one of them.”

“Okay, so you say you’ve met one of these other super powered people out there and I’m just supposed to take your word for it? I don’t even know you, so I have no reason to trust a word you say, and what difference does it make if there are other kids like me and my family out there. Why should I care?”

“You should care because Sir Reginal Hargreeves isn’t telling you guys everything he knows and he is clearly using you, and you are right, you don’t know me, but you did just blow your wad in my mouth, so I think that makes us somewhat friendly, wouldn’t you say? You trusted me enough to do that, so why are you being like this to me now?"

My jaw dropped as I clenched my fists at my sides.

“What, you think that you can shower me with compliments and flirt with me and then give me a blow job and then what, I’m going to ask you to come back to the Academy with me and we are going to live happily ever after or some other crazy delusional shit like that?”

Her laughter would have sounded beautiful if it wasn’t coming out to mock me. “Wow! No, that is not what this was about. I told you that I liked you because I do, or I did. Now I feel very stupid for letting myself feel that way about you.”

The girl’s eyes glossed over as she poked a finger at my chest, pushing me back with it, proving that even though she was smaller than me, she was not scared of me, and I didn't like that one bit.

“I actually looked up to you. Fuck!" she furiously yelled as she threw her hands up. "Stupid me because I even idolized you out of all of them! I thought you were different and that you would care to know that you were being lied to.”

“I don’t get it!” I yelled back. “Nothing you just said matters even if it were true. I already know that my dad is using us! There is nothing to idolize about my life, so you were wrong in thinking anything like that involving me. You don’t know what it’s like to be one of us!”

“Yeah, I don’t. You are right about that, but I didn’t idolize you because of your life. I just thought you were something you weren’t. I do know people and when I saw all your fake smiles, I knew that you weren't happy and that you aren’t being given a choice in how you live. I just wanted to let you know that you have one if you are willing to take it. If anything, I wasn’t trying to shack up with you and all the cool kids at the super powered snob academy. I was actually foolishly thinking you might want to leave that place. You don’t owe that horrible man anything for taking you in. You’d be fine if you left him.”

“And how do you know that, huh? You seem to think you know a lot of things, but I really doubt that. I'm also doubting that anything that comes out of your mouth is true.”

If looks could kill, I would have been dead.

“God damn, Five, you are mean when all the walls come crashing down around you," she spat back hatefully. "I never would have guessed you would have been like this.” She laughed away her tears and straightened her back as she stared me down. “You are right. I don’t know everything, but now I can see that you aren't who I thought. You are a total prick who lashes out at anyone that threatens the bogus reality you built around yourself."

“Oh yeah! And what bogus reality are you referring to?”

“The one where you are so terrified of being rejected that you do everything in your power to make it seem like being loved or accepted doesn’t matter to you. You are scared of making yourself vulnerable but it's the only way you will ever get the thing you really want which is acknowledgement. Even big arrogant assholes like you want to be liked. Actually, people like you want it more than anything and I'm pretty sure that’s part of your problem. I know that you and your family aren’t in that place because you want to be. I just thought that maybe knowing that you weren’t alone with your powers out here in this messed up real world would help you see that you could walk away from all that crap, and it would be okay. Like I said, I really liked you, Five. I was wrong to care, but I did.”

My mind was a torrent of thoughts about what she said. It felt like she was deliberately trying to hurt me, and it made me so fucking mad that she was talking about majorly private things like she could see right through me. It was like she knew just how to push my buttons.

I couldn't let her get the better of me.

I had never felt so weak and exposed, not even when I was younger and dad verbally tore me apart, or when he would leave me broken and sick with blood oozing out of my nose and ears from over exertion after one of our lovely private training sessions. He didn’t care about me at all even though I desperately wanted him to. To make that all even worse, it was Grace that would have to scoop my limp body off the floor. My traitorous tears would stain her cheerfully patterned dresses as she did her best to sooth me in her motherly yet robotically programmed way. It was just another hit, another insult among so many others that slowly closed off my heart to the world around me.

“I am not scared of anything, and you don’t know anything about me!" I screamed. "You are a dirty, homeless, Umbrella Academy obsessed slut that is just disappointed that I am not falling for your manipulative bullshit. You have no fucking clue what you are talking about, not about my family, or about what I want!”

I watched her confidence crumble with each cruel word I said.

I smiled.

The candles flickered again, this time the room became fully dark before the flames calmed and it slowly illuminated again. During that confusing and rage-filled moment, she must have swiftly stepped back away from me because now her back was up against the wall, and she was standing on sparkling shards of glass from one of the broken windows. She looked terrified and it was clear that getting away from me was more important than preventing foot lacerations.

My mind was a mess. Her hands were in front of her, held up in a defensive way. She actually thought I was going to try to hurt her and that and seeing her bleeding feet made me even more mad.

“Sure, whatever, just calm down," she said. Her body was visibly shaking, and her voice quivered in fear even though all I had done was yell sort of crazily at her. “I am sorry I wasted my time telling you that stuff. I thought maybe you would have already started to piece all that stuff together and that it was possible you already knew that you guys weren’t the only ones born this way. If you didn’t know, I thought you’d care and maybe you'd at least want to meet my friend, but I see now that you don’t and that this was a big misconception on my part.”

There was a moment of silence and in it, I thought about telling her that I thought she was a lying piece of trash, but something in me knew that was going too far and that it wasn’t fair to do to her after everything that I had already just said and after everything that had just happened between us.

I had no right to call her a dirty slut. If she was one, then I was worse.

None of this was right or fair, not my life or hers, but I couldn’t wrap my head around the truth of that or the things she said, and I unleashed my hatred and resentment on her with no filter.

“Please just leave,” she whispered as her tear-filled eyes fell to her injured feet.

With a sudden flash of blue and an instinctive blink, I did go, but I couldn’t let go but I couldn't let it go.

~~~~~~~

Then the next evening at dinner with my family, I made an even bigger mistake. After agonizing all day over what happened, I found the silence of my siblings ignoring each other, as dad ignored all of us, too much to take. Not even Vanya’s worried looks were enough to thwart my immense anger.

I hated all of this.

I hated my life.

After starting a useless argument about my abilities with dad and getting his usual nonsense that I wasn’t good enough to time travel, with the smile of a mad man pulling on my lips, I took off out of the dining room as he called out begging me to come back.

For the first time ever, Reginald sounded scared.

And he should have been. I was about to ruin my life.

I was about to walk away from it all and leave them and all my pain behind.

Riding high on adrenaline and defiance, at first, I thought I’d done it.

As I propelled my body forward in time, the atoms crackling and snapping as they repeatedly broke apart and pieced back together, I sent myself years ahead of them. I appeared out of my burst of blue swirling light while sprinting down the block away from our home.

I felt free for the first time ever.

I couldn’t control it, but I foolishly thought I could. I kept pushing forward, thrusting my power out like never before and I felt so fucking superior compared to the world around me while doing it.

They were wrong!

That girl was wrong!

Dad was wrong!

I knew that I was better than them and this proved it.

Then, I stopped in my tracks, looking around me, my mind muddled in sudden confusion.

My entire world was on fire.

Panicking, I tried to go back but my power failed me, again and again.

I ran down the block, dodging burning debris as I raced back to my family.

Stopping at the crumbling gates of what was once my home, I watched with tears streaming down my face as the flames and black smoke rose out of the piles of rubble. 

Everything was gone.

They were all dead, and it was just me on what was left of our burning planet, stuck twelve years in the future.

For the first time, I had no one left to blame but myself.

-----------------------------------------

Chapter Four: Train Wreck Fucking Dumpster Fire

The funny thing about passing out is you don't remember doing it, but as I come to, it's pretty obvious I fainted.

I am extremely disoriented, and my face feels like it slammed straight into the ground. Consequently, I have several loose teeth. I can still taste the coppery taste of blood in my gummy mouth, and I can feel a disgusting layer of dried spittle on my chin.

I roll over on my back with a low, very pained sounding groan crawling out of me.

I am hardly functioning well enough to take stock of my situation, but I know that I need to. It’s still light out and the ruthless heat hasn’t let up. With an even sicker feeling sinking in, I realize I might be paralyzed from the waist down, because when I try to move my legs, I can’t. After a few more tries, I find that I can move them but it’s extremely minimal.

“Dolores?” I weakly cry.

I can see her. She’s trapped in our cart, watching me splayed out on my back, sizzling like I am laying in a huge frying pan.

My heart feels like it’s trying to jump right out of my chest, and that’s because my body is fighting to maintain its required oxygen levels. I am no doctor, but I am aware that I’m dangerously overheating.

I fall over and over and over as I ineffectively try to get up.

I helplessly cry out again.

This pattern goes on for an undetermined amount of time and that’s because I black out several more times. Each attempt only pushes me further past my limit, causing my blood pressure to drop even lower.

It’s not until waking in the darkness that I am able to stay awake long enough to pull the wagon closer.

I know that I am going to die here and it’s from my own foolish mistakes.

I never should have left the city where I at least knew my surroundings and had some idea of what to expect. Again, my inability to question my own flawed reasoning is what has placed me in the hands of yet another cruel and torturous fate.

As I tug the strap that’s still hooked around me, the tires of my cart slowly roll up next to my side. From there I can wrench myself up enough to reach inside and pull out our bag with filled with the minimal food rations we have left.

I have no actual water, but I am literally dying for even the smallest amount of it. If I don’t get some moisture in me, my organs will start to shut down. My blood is already full of toxic levels of sludge.

‘You have to get up, Five. I’m getting really scared.’ 

“I know. I am sorry. I'm trying,” I say in panting gasps for breath.

My head is pounding, and I can hardly bring myself to say that, even though Dolores deserves so much more from me after all I have put her through.

Struggling to open the tin can with my corroded opener takes every bit of focus and strength I have left. After shakily wolfing down the mystery contents, I drop the rest of the way back down to the ground, falling against the sun hardened soil hard enough to give myself whiplash.

I black out again and I don’t wake until the next day when the sun’s rays are beating down on us all over again. Upon first opening my eyes, I am greeted with the evidence of my dinner on the ground next to my bruised face. I only vaguely remember vomiting.

I still can’t move my legs enough to get myself up and stay up, but I do manage to pull my injured foot within reach, and with extreme difficulty, I eventually get my boot off and roll up my pant leg to examine the damage.

I am greeted with the tell-tale signs of advanced inflammation, rash, and intense red lines streaming from the soiled bandages. The markings move all the way up what I can see of my leg, and I know this is very bad news and it’s the reason I am in such bad shape.

Infection is a big mean bitch and she’s clearly out to get me with vengeance because I am a supreme asshole.

I cleaned the laceration as best I could when it happened, and I covered it and taped over the hole in my boot. I took the antibiotics I had with me in my medical kit, but that evidently wasn’t enough. Some kind of nasty bacteria must have gotten inside the wound anyway. The drugs were expired but I had thought they were still good and not rendered useless by the extreme temperatures they have been exposed to, but like so many other things, I was wrong in thinking that. I was also very stupid to wander after dark in what was left of that house that I came past because that’s when the knife-like shard of glass sliced right through my weathered leather boot and dug deeper in when I tripped and fell further on to it.

Ironically, I am going to die next to a gigantic crater made by what I presume had to have been something from outer space and was also probably the same thing that is responsible for killing everyone else. The size of the hole indicates that the piece of space rock that collided here was big enough to end all life on Earth, so that at least explains what happened. For all I know, this may not be the only place of impact. Based on what seems to be complete ecosystem failure in every direction I have gone, I am betting it isn’t.

Up until now, I could only guess it was the fucking moon or a meter or something like that smashing into Earth that ended it all, because the newspapers I found didn’t have any talk of looming nuclear war and he moon was missing. I had found it very suspicious that my childhood home was destroyed right before the rest of the world was left in ruins, but perhaps the two things had nothing to do with each other. The eyeball Luther was holding likely means nothing world saving and has nothing to do with the lack of lunar activity in my sky, but I’ll never know.

The thought of laying here, again all day, slow cooking until I am gone, with the pain I am already in… I just can’t.

As I start to lose it and hot tears distort my vision, I feel a manic smile pulling at my cracked lips.

“Dolores, this is it,” I hoarsely laugh, crazed over the fact that after suffering over these years here, this is how I go. “If I could just get back, I might be able to save them somehow, but I failed them and everyone else.” One single tear tries to escape the corner of my eye, but it doesn’t make it far. The arid air sucks it away, just like it’s going to soon devour me.

Feeling a final burst of panic and desperation mixed with sheer terror that I am clearly having a problem suppressing, I throw everything I have left into sitting up one more time. Reaching for the wagon, I tip the whole thing on its side, dumping our belongings and my beloved onto the ground next to me.

“I’m sorry,” I gasp over and over as I tow Dolores across the dirt into my arms. My body shudders as I fold myself around her rigid frame, looking for the comfort that she is always willing to give. Even she feels like she’s on fire, but I won’t let her go.

At least we can lay here together, burning.

‘I love you so much,’ she whispers in her unconditional, beautifully compassionate way.

“I know. I love you too, sweetheart. I am so fucking sorry.”

Not at all thinking straight, when I open my eyes again, looking over her shoulder, I see the shiny black revolver laying there. My labored breath catches, and I instantaneously reach for it.

‘Don’t,’ Dolores frantically begs.

She knows the real reason I carry this gun with us, and it isn’t for protection or hunting. There is nothing to hunt and no one we need protection from other than me.

My throat makes a thick, sticky sound when I try to swallow. I can feel my hand shaking as I clamp my eyes shut. The barrel of the gun is painfully hot as I drive it inside my mouth.

‘Please, Five. No!’

God damn it!

Yanking the gun back, I scream as I pull the fucking trigger over and over, sending a deafening round after round out into the nothing around us.

Rage and defeat and pain, that’s all there is left as my hand flops down and I drop the weapon so I can hold her. Again, I tell the only person that ever loved me that I am sorry I failed them as I shut my eyes and wait for the hurt to end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometime later, I’m pulled from unconsciousness by something other than the dead silence of our wasteland of death.

Other than the sound of rain, wind, or things that are storm related, there is usually no other background noise in my world. Sometimes the eerie sound of a building collapsing, or even the explosions that were very frequent in those beginning months, could make me look up from whatever pile of rubble I was digging around in, but that is very infrequent these days. There is no reason to look up now.

I stopped hoping to hear real voices a long time ago. This strange sound in the distance isn’t a voice, but it is another human made sound I am familiar with.

The low, echoing bang, bang, bang fills the crater in the vast open space around me, causing the sound to circle back in an impressive refraction of sound.

My breaths are coming so shallow at this point, I know I am not going to make it to nightfall. I feel like I can’t even open my eyes, but my mind is processing this.

Bang, bang, bang....

It happens again in a steady pattern that seems intentional.

I know that sound. I can’t tell what direction it’s coming from, but I know what it is.

It's a powerful gun, one like a rifle and the way sounds when you fire it.

Guns need people to fire them...

But I’m alone. This doesn’t make sense.

Just as I’m drifting off again, it happens again. Three times.

Bang, bang, BANG!

Even though I am hardly thinking, it dawns on me that this is similar to the pattern for Morse code. It’s like someone is sending out a distress signal.

I begin forcing my filmy eyes open, peering out as they burn and blur. Of course, I see nothing other than the heat waves swimming across the ground, creating a mirage effect that makes it look like I’m lying in a river of water, dying by drowning rather than baking like a pathetically skeletal and unsatisfying piece of meat.

Sliding my hand a few inches from where it’s been feebly pressed against Dolores's back, I bump into the revolver.

My stiff fingers wrap around the scorching grip. I am unable to raise my arm, but I twist my wrist enough to fire the weapon out at a small angle from the ground.

The popping sound reverberates in the otherwise motionless air. The sound repeats over and over until it fades away.

I wait because I have nothing else that I can do.

Nothing. Just silence.

I start to think I imagined hearing anything at all.

I shut my eyes again.

I only had one shot left. I left one in the chamber on purpose. That small piece of lead had been my last chance to end my suffering quicker. I had decided I couldn’t do it, but that doesn’t mean that knowing the option was still there wasn't something that was giving me some fucked-up form of solace if I couldn’t take this anymore.

The hope that someone is out there is what circles around and around in what is left of my mind as I drift off into the fiery nothing that makes my parched body rack in waves of fevered chills until even that subsides again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

My mind is gone, lost to the insanity of my thirst. I know this because I swear, I just heard a braaaping, rumbling like sound moving across the landscape somewhere not that far away.

Hearing things that don’t make sense, that’s how the mind of a once admired genius is going out. Figures.

The idea that it might be thunder hits me and that idea isn’t that nuts, but it’s too late anyway. Even if it did rain, I have no way of collecting it in this condition and I still have a raging infection taking hold of me at an alarmingly fast rate, and that’s no doubt because it’s being fueled by extreme dehydration.

In my confused state, it does eventually occur to me that thunder doesn’t sound like this. It stops, then there’s intermittent random intervals between the growls.

This isn’t stopping and it’s getting closer, but I still don’t understand what it is.

Sudden thoughts of getting eaten by a monstrous creature from my childhood nightmares terrorize my mind even though that’s so far out there and doesn’t make any damn sense.

The only thing that gets me to open my eyes at this point is my crazed level of dread over what I perceive to be a very frightening sound. I am sure that a terrifying beast is bounding across the dirt and is about to dig its jagged teeth into me, ripping my body to shreds any second.

Squinting, I don’t understand what I’m seeing even though I am seeing it.

A cloud of dust is blooming out from what looks like a very fast-moving metallic object. My fingernails dig into the hard clay as I try to push up so I can look at it as it shoots past, but I can’t raise my head enough and I lose sight of it.

Holy Shit!

It’s not a huge, green scaly monster!

Panic rips through me when I finally realize that someone or something just drove past me.

Help.

I try to scream but I can’t even do that anymore.

“Help!” My voice cracks. The word comes out so weak, the sound of it feels like it’s sucked up in a vacuum. The effort of my sobs and the thundering vibration sends pain buzzing through my head.

My brain feels like it’s going to rattle out of my skull. If I could cover my ears I would, but my arms are near useless at this point as they remain tangled around Dolores.

The piercing sound abruptly stops but the ringing in my ears doesn’t.

I swear I hear the garbled sounds of a voice behind me. Then all of a sudden, I see legs! I can’t focus my vision enough to see anything other than what has to be a person's shoes.

It’s a real fucking person!

This time when I try to speak, my plea for help comes out as an unintelligible and pathetically pained moan.

“Shit, shit, shit,” the voice curses repeatedly as their figure looms over me.

I feel the strange sense of something touching my neck, pulling down my scarf as what must be cool fingers press just under my jaw, up against my windpipe. Then I hear more cursing and the same fingers traveling along my exposed leg all the way down to my bare foot.

Again, I moan, and I moan even more when Dolores suddenly gets removed from my limp arms.

“No,” I breathe in protest to the blurry face in front of mine.

The sun is setting, I can tell that much. The pink rays from it are reflecting off this person’s reflective goggles.

Even though they are very cautious about it, when they lift just my head up off the ground, it leaves me feeling like I am a piece of petrified gum being pried off the bottom of a table at a greasy dinner.

God…I miss Griddys. I would die for a donut and a coffee.

Not happening, and you ARE dying, you crazy dipshit!

I whimper as my body protests the movement and my head sickly swims as it lays in what I assume is this person's lap.

A distinctly female sounding voice coming from above tenderly hushes my cries. “Hang in there. I am going to help you.”

Her hand brushes across my grimy forehead, sliding back the wrap of my scarf from my head. Then, though it’s impossible, the person’s hand stops in place over my throbbing brain, and both my skin and her hand seem to get remarkably colder. It feels heavenly and I don’t care at all when the icy fingers gently slip over my eyes too.

A divine liquid begins to tickle my split and bloodied lips, making me instantaneously respond by opening them further to accept the glacially cold water being offered.

“There, that’s it,” she encourages, to which I sputter and cough violently on the first swallow. The water stops so I can catch my breath, then I feel the bottle press against my mouth again. “Try to go slow.”

It doesn’t matter that I can see nothing and I’m totally at their mercy. I’d do anything this angel said.

The hand shielding my eyes and making my aching head feel so much better, moves away, only to be replaced a moment later, cooler again. It feels like actual ice, not the palm of someone’s hand.

I can’t help but marvel over the glorious feel of it. It reminds me of when I was just a little boy and I had the flu so bad that Grace had to stay with me all night, repeatedly doing anything and everything she could to ease my pain, including placing dozens of cold clothes against my burning brow.

The water stops when I start coughing again, and the icy feeling moves to my neck again, trying to unfurrow the tight wrapping even more.

“There, that’s better.” It feels like chilly kisses are covering my skin as she touches me. My body shivers. “You are really burning up. You are lucky I had a flat tire moment where I did, because that's the only reason I heard you trying to signal for help. If I'd found you sooner..." She pauses to wipe my face with something. I have no idea what with, but it feels so much better after some of the filth is removed. "I have been looking for you all day. But there’s nothing out here. That’s why I didn’t come out this far until now. When I heard that last shot, I knew you were due west of me, so I knew you had to be somewhere near the crater, which also explains why I was able to hear the shots from that far away. There’s nothing out here to absorb the sound.”

It seems like she's trying to apologize. At first, I don’t know what she’s talking about with the signal thing, but after a minute or so of slowly drinking this stranger’s extremely valuable water, I remember.

Those first shots she’s talking about weren’t a signal for help, at least not in the way she thinks.

The hand on my head moves away and I hear her rummaging through my things. Thanks to having some liberation from the oppressive heat, I am able to find the strength to open my eyes so I can find Dolores. I have to know if she’s okay.

I quickly see that she is, but she’s been discarded in the pile of my other things. I want to reach out to her, but I’m not sure if I can. She tells me it’s okay and to keep drinking, so I do as she says.

I see the woman’s hand snatching up the bottle of antibiotics that I had tried to use. She holds it up above me so she can read it.

“They didn’t work,” I whisper as water runs down my chin.

She seems startled by me talking. “Clearly not,” she mutters before going back to propping my head more so I can drink easier.  She tosses the pills aside and presses her cold hand to my head again. “By the looks of things, you are going to need something that does work as soon as possible, and I don’t have anything with me, or a way to get you back with me to where I do unless you can get up and hold on to me as we ride.”

She says it all so fast, and with the way my brain is working, I don’t get that I’m supposed to respond. All I can think about is how great this feels and how awesome it would have been to have had a working vehicle of any kind over the last two weeks. My mechanical abilities are far from anything even remotely helpful and though at times I have had vehicles started and used them, keeping them working is another story and getting them around in this disaster is a whole different challenge that makes walking much more logical.

But then again, this magical woman did it, so maybe I should have tried harder.

“Well, do you think you can? Hold on to me, I mean?” she asks, interrupting my ridiculously scattered thoughts.

She pulls back the water and after swallowing my thick saliva a few times, and forcing my brain to work somewhat more rationally, I reply very quietly. “I can’t get up.”

The woman sighs but it doesn’t sound like she's mad about my predicament and what she says next proves that she's not.

“That’s okay. I can go back and get medicine. I will come back for you.”

“No,” I moan like a big baby.

“It’s okay, I promise I’ll come back. Driving around out here is not easy on everyday tires but I have an off-road jeep that can make the journey if I am very careful. It’s going to take maybe two hours or more depending on a few factors, but I don’t know how else to do it. If I try to pull you in this wagon, for one you won't fit, and two, I am not sure you’ll make it. It’s too far and it’s going to take too long,” she explains, already shifting my head off her lap.

I have no ability to stop her from leaving. I can only impotently let her position my head on the jacket she just took off and rolled up into a makeshift pillow for me.

As I lay on my side watching her scrambling around, I can see her some better. As I already gathered, my rescuer is a female. Since she took off her protective outer layer, sacrificing it to me, I can see that she’s wearing a rainbow colored, tie-dyed sleeveless top that’s cropped at the bottom. It reminds me of something Klaus would try to get away with wearing under his uniform jacket whenever dad wasn’t around. In my moment of delusion, I find that old memory of him, defiantly strutting around the academy until he got caught and severely punished, very funny for some reason.

The muscles in my face try to pull my mouth in a look to reflect that sentimental yet sad thought but I am not sure I am actually smiling.

Her pants look almost identical to mine in their utilitarian, multi pocket, militaristic style, but hers are forest green, not grunge covered gray. Her arms and her midriff are tanned unlike mine. I almost always stay covered out of necessity. I am like a ghost.

She looks healthy. Contrasting my dreadful condition, she isn’t skin and bones, but she is very thin and couldn’t be more than a hundred pounds, standing at about five-three in her laced-up riding boots. Even from my spot laying on the ground looking up, I can tell she’s petite.

When she pulls my cart over, I can see her muscles straining. She places it behind me where the sun’s setting rays are burning my back. I feel the instant relief from the small shade it provides.

After doing that, she comes around in front of me, looking for a few more things as her lengthy braid swings across her back. Her hair looks reddish or maybe it’s just the light from the setting sun. I can’t tell.

This time when she comes to me, I can see her face because her goggles are pushed up and her own scarf is pulled down, revealing rosy cheek bones and vibrant blue eyes. She is all color and glowing life compared to the muted harsh tones of this barren landscape, but it’s the kind looking and startlingly familiar smile that makes me suddenly stop breathing. It looks so much like the one that’s been haunting me since I saw it over five years ago.

This smile is a shade different. It’s slightly more mature, along with the face wearing it, but…

Holy Hell.

Phoebe?

Quickly running the math in my mind, I conclude that she’d be thirty-three years old now, not twenty-one like I am, and that is because for her, it would have been twelve years before the world abruptly ended and then five years since. For me, my world crashed and burned just one day after I met her. 

This couldn’t be her. That’s crazy.

My heart feels like it could stop even though it’s dangerously racing as my body aggressively refuses to give up in its fight to stay in the world of the living-the world that I just found out I am not the only living member of.

The woman gets down next to me again, her hand coming up to my face to turn my chin to her bottle the way she did before. Her impossibly icy hand presses against my chapped cheek and I lean into it.

“Come on. Let’s get the rest of this in you. I will leave you with more water and if you feel better from drinking that one, maybe you could eat something?” She waves her hand at my last three cans of food that I only now see that she placed within reach. “Don’t worry, I have more.” I can tell that she’s concerned about my hollow looking appearance as her eyes slowly move over my face. She purses her pink lips unhappily. “I won’t take long. Now that I finally found someone, there’s no way in hell I’m going to let them die,” she declares with a breathy chuckle. "The real problem seems to be that you are about as dried out as someone can get before becoming one with the dirt. I don’t think this infection is that bad yet, but I’m sure it feels that way with everything else you have going on. I have strong meds and I know they will work. You are going to make it, I promise.”

Even if I wasn't drinking and I could reply, I wouldn’t know what to say. A thank you would be a start but there’s so much more than that running through my mixed-up head.

Of all the people that could finally find me, it’s her. I know it is. It’s her voice too. I recognize it now. It’s impossible, just like her velvety cold touch in this heat, but it’s her.

After assuring me that I’m going to live, she patiently stays with me utill I finish all her water. And just like she said, she brings back another and it’s equally cold. I can even see the condensation on the outside of the metal canteen.

Crouching down, she reaches for my left wrist, removing my clenched fingers from the ground so she can make me take the bottle from her. My filthy shirt sleeve pulls up from the motion.

“Do you-" Her words abruptly cut off as her eyes land on my tattoo. “No way…” Her lips part and her brows furrow as she stares at the black umbrella branding that I was adorned with as a child. “You can’t be…” She leans in closer, her eyes wide as they look into mine.

All I can do is lay there and stare back, feeling some better but still very much like death and feel equally as floored as she is that this is happening. After a minute of us looking at each other, in utter shock and disbelief, I finally speak up, confirming what I'm sure she's figuring out.

“I am sorry, Fee,” I breathe.  

The line between her brow grows deeper.

“Five?”

“Yeah.”

She shakes her head back and forth as she unscrews the cap and pushes the next bottle closer to my mouth.

“Thank you,” I feebly offer, because I can’t think of anything else to say and I feel like I might throw up the precious water I just guzzled, so I focus on keeping that down and just breathing instead.

My eyes followed her hand as she reaches out and brushes back some of my long hair that’s stuck to various areas of my gritty face. Her amazing fever reducing fingers run along my jawline as she inspects me. I clench the bottle tighter to my chest as I force a few deep breaths in place of my extremely shallow ones.

I know what she is seeing and I’m sure it doesn’t look good. The look of malnourishment mixing with the scruffy, dark, almost black hair growing on my weather-beaten skin, are probably making it very hard to tell that I am the stuck-up jerk that she had so badly wanted to meet when she was just young girl who wanted so desperately to believe that someone like me was actually going to care about someone like her.

“How is this possible?” she asks, her voice coming out in beautifully hushed sounding wonder. “I mean, how did you end up here? They said you disappeared. It was the day right after that night. You look so…”

She doesn’t finish her thought, so I can only guess what she was going to say. Perhaps it's that I look terrible or maybe even that I look weirdly childish. Both would be right because I am basically a heap of useless garbage, and in spite of the way I look, I am a real grown-up like she is, but I am sure I look much younger still because of all the intermittent rounds of starvation I've been through, this moment being one of them.

Also, am not as old at her even though at one time, we were the same age.

I physically changed in the last five years, but definitely not for the better.

I shut my eyes for a second or two before reopening to the slightest traces of tears trying to form anyway. Rather than looking angry that the last man on Earth is probably the last person she’d want it to be, she looks so incredibly troubled.

“Have you been here the entire time?”

I can feel my lips trembling, but I can’t help it. I feel so awful, and that, and the memories of all that has happened since I last saw her, are merging with my current state of mind and it isn’t putting me in a very good place to act better.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to talk.” She leans in, anxiously adjusting her jacket under my head. Then she tries to move my legs in a more comfortable way for me. Everything hurts and I know she can tell because she moves a blanket from my pack, placing it between my knees so my bones don’t rub together so badly.

More tears threaten to spill over that simple, kind act, but what Phoebe does next for me is nothing but extraordinary.

Folding her hands together as if she’s trying to crush something between her cupped palms, she shuts her eyes tightly. Her whole body seems to tremble from the effort of what she's doing. A moment later, she opens her hands, and at the same time, she reveals what looks like small ice chunks. Reaching up and taking her yellow bandana from around her neck, she dumps the sparkling crystals in the fabric and then props the cold pack against my forehead.

Totally thrown by this, I look over at Dolores.

"It’s her, the one you told me about and she’s special, like you. You’re going to make it, Five!’

Even though there’s tears in Dolores’s eyes, she sounds so happy.

“Can you make it till I get back?” Phoebe’s worried eyes run over me again and it reminds me of exactly how Dolores looks at me when she's distressed over something dumb that I'm doing or have already done despite her warnings.

 Jeezus. I am such a dickhead.

“Yes,” I croak.

She nods, then pushes herself up.

“It’s going to be dark soon, but don’t worry, I am coming back no matter what, so don’t die on me or I am going to be super pissed, Hargreeves.” The corner of her mouth quirks up just a bit.  “And I don’t mean pissed like I was the last time I saw your stupidly handsome face.”

Even though she’s rightly concerned about leaving, she is trying to ease my worries by teasing me and it makes my chest hurt even more. The foreign sound of her unrestrained laughter is so nice to hear. Like years ago, when I first heard it, I love how it sounds and makes me feel.

It’s nuts considering how close I am to death, but my chest is moving up and down as air swiftly moves in and out of my lungs and I could almost laugh over that threatening, and insulting, and sort of flattering comment she just gave me.

She had once told me she thought I was so smart and handsome, and hearing her praise made my head even bigger than it already was. I was so pathetically starved for attention; she was right about that and so many other things she said about me. But we both know she was wrong in both those two assessments. 

Something in my expression must amuse her even more because she smiles at me in that full way that I remember her doing that one fateful night.

I still don’t understand it.

She begins to move behind me where I presume her motorbike is, but all of a sudden, she stops. Swiftly bending down, she takes Dolores by the crook of her arm, hoisting her up.

Placing Dolores down next to me, Fee smiles again, but this time it’s at her, not me.

“Please make sure that he drinks that and doesn’t kick the bucket before I get back.”

Fee is talking as if Dolores can understand her, which of course she can, but it’s still throwing me to see her talking to her the same way I do.

Even weirder, Dolores replies that she will, and I'm so confused, I am only halfway certain Fee didn't hear it. Either way, seeming satisfied with how she’s leaving me, my savior moves to go, swiftly heading out of my sight as I drowsily close my eyes.

“I don’t deserve this, Phoebe.”

There were so many things I didn’t see that one night we were together. I was just a stupid teenaged boy that couldn't concern myself with looking at other people and their suffering. She tried to tell me who she was, and what she could do, but I ignored it. I used her and then I viciously put her down for daring to point out the truth that I was too stubborn and arrogant to see. I have had many lonely years to think about that night and I have never forgiven myself for it or for so many other horrible things I did.

Phoebe comes back. She bends down in front of me. Again, she pushes the bottle towards my mouth. “Yes, you do. You deserve what happened to you. Now don’t die.”

Her lips spread in the most curious looking smirk, then she gets up, and this time I know she’s leaving when I hear the loud roar of the two-stroke engine revving a few times before she tears off over the empty landscape.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fee does come back, but I have no idea how long she was gone because after slowly finishing the next canteen, I drifted off in a fit of intense shivers.

Waking to the sight of hazy headlights beaming across the open field couldn’t be a better feeling even though my fever is so much worse again. I’m shaking even more, but it’s not from cold.

I peer out from under my blanket. The wind picked up at some point and it’s whipping across the landscape, covering me in suffocating dust. I can just make her out as she rushes my way from the driver side of the vehicle.

“You still in there, Five?” she anxiously questions the moment she’s on her knees in front of me.

Dolores gets moved back again. A cold hand covers my heated brow.

“Yes,” I cough out, proving that I’m alive.

“Come on,” she says as she starts uncovering me, “we need to get you away from this enormous shit hole you decided to take a dirt nap by.”

My body isn’t working, and I can hardly find the strength to cling to her as she lifts me, but she manages to roll me into a sitting position.

“Alrighty, on three. I am going to pick you up, just hang on. I will try to take as much of your weight as I can, okay?”

“Okay.”

“One, two, thrrr…eeEE!  Shhhh- shhh -IT!”

She gets me up alright, but right after that, my weight proves too much for her when my body limply tumbles into hers. I nearly knock us both back down to the ground. Stumbling backwards, Fee’s knees swiftly lock and the heels of her boots skit and skirt in the dirt before plowing down to prevent our fall.

“I was not expecting you to be so heavy,” she gasps.

She is clearly struggling, and I feel awful about that and just plain awful, especially when I start to dry heave on her. Thankfully nothing comes out or she'd have puke running down her back.

“I am sorry,” I wheeze, holding her as tight as I can. I try to put weight on my good foot and the other but the lightning like jolts of pain shooting up from my feet are making my legs about as useful as mush.

“It’s okay,” she grates out through what sounds like very clenched teeth.

My feet all but drag as she trudges the few yards to the jeep where she smartly left one of the back doors open. I tumble into the back seat, then Fee has to pull me the rest of the way in from the other side.

I feel so sick, more heaves have me hanging my head down to the floor as I start to weakly cry. “Dolores!” I sob just as Fee slams the door shut.

There is no way to explain how relieved I feel when the door opens again and Phoebe has her. The backseat area is cramped but Fee throws the passenger seat forward and places Dolores on the floor in the back behind it so she's easily within my reach.  

If Fee sees me crying, she doesn’t let on. As soon as she saves Dolores, she's off again and all I can do is lay here. My head feels like it’s spinning as I listen to the back hatch open and things banging around. I realize that she must be loading my things, and even maybe my treasured cart, but I can’t help her.

It doesn’t take more than a few minutes before she’s done and back with me. Opening the back door, opposite from where my head is, Phoebe gets back in. The dome light is dim when she flicks it on, but I can see that her bright clothing is now covered in the same silt that I am bathed in. Not stopping, she reaches in front and grabs a bag. Taking things out, she immediately starts cleaning her hands with sanitizing wipes and what smells like rubbing alcohol.

“I know you feel horrible, and this ride isn’t going to help that, but I am going to try to make it as tolerable as I can.”

I silently lay there, watching as she discards her soiled materials on the floor at her feet, and then starts in, working the button on my cuff so she can get my sleeve up on my left arm.

“It's been a long time, but I have done this many times back when my mom was sick, so don’t be scared, I sort of know what I am doing.” She laughs but it sounds nervous despite her assurances and shot at humor over what has to be a very sad and tragic memory.

The chill of the alcohol as she cleans my skin sends a new wave of shudders through my burning body. I shut my eyes as I feel the syringe prick me, then I hear the ripping of tape before she seals the needle down on my arm so it can’t slip out.

“Okay. That part was easier than I thought. Your veins are very easy to see.”

She breathes a sigh of relief as she scrambles around. Peering up at her again, I see her pulling out a clear bag of fluid and more medicines and supplies all in sterile wrappings.

“I found all this stuff at a clinic that was miraculously still mostly standing. The drugs should be good,” she explains as she hangs the bag on the clothing hook above my head and extends the clear plastic tubing down, attaching it to one of the two ports sticking out of my arm. “We are going to pump you full of nutrients and I will inject the Ceftriaxone all one go. It’s great for treating infections that other antibiotics might not be able to fight, so I'm sure it will do the trick.”

With a determined look in her eyes, she lays her fingers against my arm to steady them so she can slowly inject the drug into the other port that isn’t attached to the bag over my head.

“There, two things out of the way.” Fee appears apologetic for leaning on me as she adjusts herself a little, moving her weight off my pelvis, but I hadn’t even noticed her backside was pressed up on me. “I need to watch you for a little while, just to make sure you aren’t having any bad reactions to the meds. Then, if this part goes well, I have something I can give you to help you get through the trip back to where I have safe shelter,” she explained.

Her hand falls on my upper thigh, rubbing softly and I don’t think she realizes that she’s doing it until my eyes move from hers to her hand. She stops, and starts to take it away, but I sluggishly move my arm with the IV in it over enough to place my trembling hand on top of hers to stop her retreat.

“Thank you for saving me.”

She smiles. “You’re welcome.” The wind outside blows hard enough that the jeep gets rocked from one of the harder gusts. She scrunches her mouth in a funny way. “This weather sucks, huh?” 

“Ah-huh.”

Fee lets out a pretty little laugh over my lame answer.

“Yeah,” she says, still giggling, “it usually does out here and pretty much everywhere else I've been, but playing with the extremes of hot and cold are my areas of specialty, so I can tolerate most of this crap climate we have found ourselves in. But, when these nasty winds come with all the sand, I can’t do shit to make it better.”

I want to laugh over that, but I can’t. Instead, I gulp down a sob and look at Dolores again.

“I am sorry for what I did to you.” My words come out broken by the incredible emotion behind them.

She says nothing, so I hesitantly look back at her. Her smile falters for a moment before the quick easy kindness returns to brighten her stunning features.

“I know, Five. It’s okay," she quietly replies as she gently squeezes my leg.

Confused and on the verge of losing it again, I shut my eyes to block the tears.

I feel her moving her hand away again and I reactively increase my hold on it, and she stops again.

“Hey...it's okay," she quickly assures. "That was a long time ago. I may have been very naïve, but even back then I understood enough to realize that you were acting like that and saying that stuff because you were very messed up. We both were. I was young and so romantically inexperienced.”

She chuckles at herself over that, then bends down and starts picking up the trash as she further took the blame from me.

“I was crushing on you big time and I thought maybe I could make you like me too, and you'd happily want to run away with me if I could show that we were the same. That was crazy and I didn’t tell you everything, and I didn't act right either. I was wrong for not being totally honest about my intentions, and you called me out on it, and you were right to be mad, because I was up to something very misguided, but even so, you were an impressively douchey top shelf dick weed.”

Her mouth pulls to the side in a grin that looks exactly the way I remembered it when she was flirting with me, only now, it's even more beautiful.

“True,” I agree, "But I still want you to know how sorry I am for everything."

The hand she has resting on my thigh pulls away and I have to fight the urge not to reach for it again.

“Five, I forgave you a long time ago, but I accept your apology if you accept mine.”

There’s no hiding my tears from her now, so I don’t even try.

Another strong wind blows the side of the jeep making her look out anxiously into the shadows behind the dark glass. “I need to get us out of here before the tires get buried in this shitstorm. As you found out, when you are out this far, things can get very bad, very fast. Why were you here of all places, what happened to you?”

I don’t say anything, so she looks away again and finishes cleaning up, then she starts trying to adjust my legs for me, even reaching in back to grab a clean looking pillow for my head and a blanket to tuck between my legs again. “Never mind. You don’t have to talk. I think it’s safe to say you’re okay with the meds at this point, so just rest. I’ll get us out of here.”

Fee leans over and starts to brush my hair back out of my face again by tucking it behind my ear. A breathy sound of contentment escapes from my parted lips.

Seeing as I can't even begin to hide how nice this feels to me, she babied me even more, running her cold fingers over my temples over and over and the light pressure feels like it's helping push all the pain away.

My throat clenches and my eyes burn as I start to speak. “I thought there might be somewhere better. That’s why I did this.”

Phoebe’s hand stops and she pulls it back even though I wish she wouldn't. “What happened?” she asks.

Again, I feel like she’s asking me about the ‘big what happened,’ not just about why I wandered into a desert of nothingness to die. It’s easier to look at Dolores again, so I roll my head to the side, burying my dirty face in the clean smelling pillow.

“I made a big mistake. Instead of just leaving my life behind like you said I should do if I wasn't happy with it, I ran from it, only I didn’t think it through. When I took off the day after we met, I didn’t mean to jump so far, or to this.”

“You have been here since then, all alone?”

“Yes."

The sound of the sandstorm fills the void as she appears to think about that.

"I couldn’t get back. I tried and tried. I still try. This whole time, I thought I was the only one left. I did this to myself, and I hurt so many people. I know I deserve this, but it’s been so hard,” I whisper as I bite down and swallow the cannon ball sized lump in my throat.

Phoebe shuffles the things in her hands, and I see that she has another vile and syringe at the ready.

“No, you don’t deserve this. No one does. And I didn’t find anyone either, not until you. I never wanted anything bad to happen to you and I am so sorry that it did.”

She sticks the needle in the bottle, pulling the plunger back to fill it. She spurts out some of the liquid to clear the needle before she sticks it in my arm.

“The only reason I survived is because I didn’t burn or get buried when the shock waves hit," she added. "And then the only reason I have persisted after the world fell into a seemingly endless atomic winter for the first two years is because I can regulate my temperature and even the temperatures of other things. I don’t know how you made it this long in these conditions.”

She looks so sad again and I don’t know what to say.

“You can make ice,” I breathe as I verbalize just one of the zillion things running through my head.

She smiles and then looks down at her hands. “I can manipulate water to either very hot or very cold extremes. I can also somewhat control or create fire. Turns out those two things come in very handy in the apocalypse, especially when that includes being able to pull water molecules from the atmosphere, even when it seems there are none, as you saw with the ice thing.”

It’s as I am thinking about that, linking it back to the thousands and thousands of charred bodies I have seen, and the cold feel of her hands, and her dozens of magical candles around us that one night, amazing yet horrible night that I suddenly realize I don’t feel any pain.

“Wha-dd-you-" I start to groggily ask.

“Just sleep, Five. We can talk all you want when you’re better.”

Thinking of the past, my mind and body slip away into a numb bliss, but I know I am not alone anymore.

Link to chapters 5, 6, and 7 to complete the story and also find and extended scene link.

Thanks for reading. If you are enjoying it, let me know. Three more chapters to go and I will be posting them all together very soon.😘

Master Post List to all my Five Centric stories and art

Link to my other Tumblr posts

Link to this and my other works on A03

#number five #umbrella academy smut #number five smut #number five fanfiction #number five female oc #the umbrella academy number five #umbrella academy five hargreeves #the umbrella academy imagine #number five imagine #number 5 #number five x oc #kaybreezy-on-a03 #tua five #number five hargreeves #smut with feelings #smut with plot #whump writing #shocker end #saddness #strength

[nitannichionne]

Ransom's Redemption (Chris Evans Fanfiction), Chapter 24: The Song (Ransom's POV)

I can't get it out of my head. Leave it to Fiona to throw me off.

She sent me a picture of Mimi on Insta with none other than her ex-fiance. The guy cheated on her before the wedding. She was hurt, but she walked away from him though. He was stupid enough to think they could work it out. I held her while she cried, and she only cried about it once. I even called in a favor and had the guy's car towed by the city. He loved that Mustang. But it was years later, and they looked too damn close at the tea shop in the online photo.

She was married to me, carrying my kid, right? So why did this bother me?

It simply. Fucking. Did. I found myself going over shit I did, didn't do.

"These shots are okay," the photographer says. Her name is Raine Phillips and she had a pretty nice portfolio. She was a senior at NYU, and Calida called in a favor to get her on this project. 

I sigh. "They're missing something."

"Yeah, the electricity, the 'X' factor, I dunno," She shook her head. "I can try again-"

"Uh, can you give us a minute?" Calida asks. She gives the young woman's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.  "It's definitely not you. Let me talk to him, okay?" She pulls me aside. "What's wrong?"

"Calida, it's--" I exhale, wanting a woman's advice. "I just saw a pic on Insta of my wife with her ex."

Calida frowns and gasps, "Where?"

"At our tea and coffee shop-It's Tea Time Somewhere?" I tell her. "I guess--"

"He stopped by to say hi?" Calida finishes.

I exhale. "I sound like an idiot, don't I?"

"You sound like a jealous husband," she chuckles. "Let me tell you something," she gives me a small shake. "Your wife has always been in love with you."

I laugh humorlessly. "What, cause we're married?" I swallow hard, and turn away. My mom and dad are married. And a big ew on that little mess.

"I don't know about you, but I know she loves you."

I turn to her. "You--"

"I remember when we were dating in college, and I met her?" Calida looks into my eyes. "Her heart was breaking, Ran. I didn't care back then, I was stupid, but I grew up, and I never forgot it. I never did that to any woman again. And I never dated a man who was too blind to see it without at least pointing it out."

"Calida--" I watched her pull out her phone, and quickly click and drag and everything. "What?"

"Listen to this."

The link popped up on my phone and I clicked:

And then I couldn't get it out of my head. The memories of our conversations, our hugging over the years, and the way we lingered played back in my mind. And, oh, God, our first kiss! Could it be that we always were? That song played in my head over and over as we continued the shoot, and I kept thinking of Mimi every time I looked at Calida. 

"Oh, now this is good!" Raine smiles ear to ear. "Good pep talk!"

"Naah, he just misses his wife," Calida shrugs, making me blush.

"Oh, that is so cute!"

"What the hell is going on?!"

We all turn to see Paul.

"Well, look who's here!" Calida says with forced brightness.

Paul's anger and outrage is plain as day on his face. "Calida?!"

"We knew you couldn't start early, so I got you an assistant."

"Assistant?" Paul repeats, outrage in his features. 

"Yes," Calida smirks. "We are done with shots here, but will you be ready for the next background?"

Paul looks at me, and I only raised my eyebrows to let him know I was not arguing this. I want to go home. "Yeah...yeah."

We skip lunch and power through, but I took time to buy a train ticket home just in case planes were grounded. The shots were actually pretty good. Raine was good, but Paul had experience, and once Paul had a few expressos he was over it, and helping Raine. She admired him and was willing to learn.

"That's it." Paul announces. Raine is happy and excited. 

"Thanks, Paul," I nod, shaking his hand. "You two should work together more often."

Paul rolls his eyes. "It's definitely a thought. I've never had an apprentice-assistant, yes, but this makes me think."

"Merry Christmas, man." 

"Merry Christmas."

I go to Calida and see that she is getting ready to leave. We both had our bags on set. "Thanks for everything."

"No problem, we got people to get home to," She smiles. "So...?"

"What?"

"You listened to the song," she grins. "Your whole behavior changed."

I chuckle. "Yeah."

"And...?" She watches me grin, and giggles. She gives me a kiss on the cheek, turns me around, and pushes me like I'm going on a runway. "Get outta here!"

"Thanks, Calida." I said gratefully. 

"Invitation to the baby shower?" She calls after me.

"You got it!" I call over my shoulder. "Bring that man, I want to meet him!"

"It's a double date!"

I'm going home.  No, really, fuckin' really: I'm going home!

@nuggsmum  @messyinsomnimaniac @jencanbeyouryengeralt  @sweetdreamsofgelato  @@mary-ann84  @omgkatinka  @the-soot-sprite  @viking-raider  @keanureevesisbae  @henryobsessed  @summersong69   @sunshine96love  @michelehansel    @thelastsock   @tumblnewby  @tenaciousneckpartypainter  @rn7rocks  @daydreamin83  @musicartmayheminmyheart @kaatelyynn-blog-blog@forallthebrokenheartedthings @alphacancrii  @liquorlaughslove @designerwriterchic   @tamychm  @nikkilynn303  @circesgirl1   @xoxohannahlee  @pixie88@fckdeusername @maan24  @kaatelyyynn​  @october505​ @absentmindr​ @introvertedmouse​  @sassy-pelican @griscka75 @kebabgirl67 @its-carlerr

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #knives out #ransom drysdale fanfiction #ransom drysdale smut #ransom drysdale fluff #ransom drysdale #Youtube

[tojikai]

He ignored the shame and guilt inside his chest from the accusation that he threw at his friend earlier.

But that doesn't mean that seeing him touch you like that is fine.

It only sunk into Satoru's head that all of the things that he got angry and jealous about are things he never thought he would see the moment he lets go of you.

When reading this, I realized that maybe before they broke up, Y/N had done such a good job loving him that things like jealousy and insecurity didn’t quite exist in their relationship (besides that thing with Suguru *cough). It was so safe that when he cheated and broke up with her, he did it with ease because while he hurt her, he thought that he would never lose her. He thought he could still have her in his life as a friend, and subconsciously, he wanted Y/N to keep loving him no matter what. And then, after this part, when Y/N gave him back the necklace, losing her became so real that he finally acknowledged the depth of his love for her.

A bit off topic but I always hc in JJK, having Six Eyes helps Satoru process information faster but it doesn’t apply with emotions, and as the result, he’s really emotionally constipated and lacking empathy, so it takes quite a while for him to understand what he is feeling, let alone empathize or open himself up to someone. I feel like it’s kind of the case here with PM!Satoru, except he doesn’t even have Six Eyes here lol.

He'd take whatever request you make if it means he'll get closer to getting you back. But first, he had to confess to Rie and tell her all that had happened.

He knows that he'll be breaking her heart, but he'd rather hurt anyone else than break you again.

It's been two weeks, and you never told Shoko and Suguru of what happened that day.

Satoru has been calling and texting you non-stop. He went to your apartment multiple times, saying that he ended things with Rie, but you always told him 'No.'

Oh dear, knowing Kai, we will surely have Rie’s POV on this huh? I really like the way you write this btw. It made me go “Umm.. just like that?”. It feels so… abrupt? But not in an out-of-nowhere way at all. Like I said above, Satoru changes his mind like his clothes, so it even gives both Y/N and I whiplash from how fast it is. No wonder she didn’t take you seriously, Satoru. You dropped Rie like it’s nothing after you dumped Y/N despite having a 5-year relationship with her? YOU FUCKING SUCK, DUDE.

There, your ex's ex stood in an office uniform with papers for your Mom.

Us (me): SATOSUGU FIGHT! SATOSUGU FIGHT!!

You: Here’s Rie vs Y/N instead :)))

Just kidding. But this will probably go so wrong UGHHH!!!! I read your answers to some anons, but it doesn’t matter if Y/N’s mom is not Rie’s boss, Y/N will probably be stuck working with Rie in the same building anyway. THE HORROR!!! I think how Rie will treat Y/N after the breakup will decide whether she will get redemption in the readers’ eyes or not. I noticed how you always try to do your best to humanize your characters and give them the benefit of the doubt, even if they’re an “antagonist”, so I’m really looking forward to how this will play out. I mentioned how I disapproved of Satoru and Y/N cheating on Rie, but I like how things are going. If Rie felt like a sinner for wronging Y/N before, it’s Y/N’s turn for that. This essentially makes them an “equal” because both parties no longer have the “power” over another. Both of them are betrayers and are being played by the same man. So their relationship could either turn into hatred or they will make peace with each other (which I doubt :((). Due to how emotional Rie is, her actions are often unpredictable, so I can’t wait to see what will happen next ;)

All in all, we are almost near the end of this story, so Satoru (and maybe Rie) redemption arc starts now? I remember you mentioned that PM might have multiple endings, so I guess Y/N will either end up with Satoru again or dump his ass for rea. I don’t mind her getting back with Gojo, but please give this man growth. I’m sick of his immature ass already. But whatever I say, I have faith you will be able to deliver each ending in the most logical way possible. And I would support you even if this fic has one ending.

Whewwww…. Man…. This whole review is worth 6 pages, and I feel beat after typing it out. Thank you for another good chapter, Kai. I’ve been really enjoying this journey with you so far, and I can’t wait to see how we will make it to the end of it. Can’t wait for your next chap.

I hope you will have another good week ahead of you <3 P. S. Kai, I think your taglist isn’t working bc I only received Tumblr notification for your updates and not in the tag, so you might want to re-check it again? (2/2)

Yeah you're right about how yn loved Satoru. Like he said, his feelings were nothing but intense and raging. That's how yn loved him too. Both of them are not the best people, with satoru having commitment issues and yn being a headache to her family, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows but they worked. despite her rebellious nature back then, yn was focused on him and he only realized now that he didn't want to lose that. and that hc is great omg if that becomes canon, then that would be what the strongest is lacking :(( as for that break up and Rie and yn's mom situation, all will be unveiled next chap :> and AH, im really glad that you noticed that balance. how it shifted from being tipped to one side (yn's) to equal. yn and rie are now standing on the same step :')) and satoru better get that behavior glow up if he really wants to get yn back 😭that would be a hard fight, really. since it seems like yn doesnt want anything to do w him :(( anyway THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH OMG , YOU NEVER MISS 👀 that was such a great read !! please, take care of yourself as well and have a great week ahead too <33

#🍭—kaitalks #f: permanent mark

[byoldervine]

Enemies To Lovers - My Insight And Preferences With The Trope

So I’ve been working more on the Byoldervine series and there’s an enemies-to-lovers-esque romance in this. As an aroace I’ve been doing a lot of research to ensure I’m getting all the romance stuff right, and this has lead me to study up a bit on this trope. I know this one is shaky ground, you have to make them hate each other enough to warrant them being enemies, but if they do anything too bad then the ship comes off as toxic, so it’s inherently a tough line to walk

I’ve just been watching a video on YouTube dissecting the trope and it’s sub-tropes and getting to the bottom of why it’s all so appealing or unappealing to people, and this raised an interesting point; the biggest divider between loving and hating the trope seems to be how much you can separate fantasy from reality, and what the reader is willing to excuse with ‘it’s not real, it doesn’t have to adhere to realistic dating standards’ in order to keep their disbelief suspended. And it’s got me thinking about where I fall into this

Personally, my experiences with enemies-to-lovers majorly stems from my werewolf obsession as a young teen. I read all the shitty Wattpad stories that all had a tendency to follow the same two patterns; either our female protagonist is horrifically abused her whole life only to escape and learn her mate is the alpha/alpha’s son of another pack, or our female protagonist was bullied her whole life and the alpha/alpha’s son instantly rejects her after discovering they’re mates, only to regret it as they spend more time together. The trope, of course, usually occurs in the latter

I remember this one story like that that really drew me out of the scene because the guy was really toxic, and the story actually acknowledged it; the same day the guy had instantly rejected the girl, on sight and in public around all their peers, he spotted her at the bar and repeatedly stole all her alcoholic drinks (she was old enough to drink) until she eventually gave up and ordered something non-alcoholic like he wanted her to. Only then did he allow her to have the drink she ordered. Guess who paid for all those drinks she didn’t get? The girl. And she snaps at him, telling him that he can’t have it both ways, that he can’t just reject her from his life and then insert himself into it regardless

His response? Something along the lines of ‘I can do what I want’

Aaaaand then we have him forcing her into his car - he doesn’t have any malicious intent, he just drives her home because it’s late, but a lack of intention to do anything worse doesn’t excuse the fact that she was minding her own business and now he’s dictating what she can and can’t drink, how long she’s allowed to stay out for, who she goes home with (she was with her friends celebrating her birthday but I guess fuck them and her plans right?), when and how she leaves, where she goes afterwards, etc. Not to mention this guy just downed like six beers trying to stop the girl from drinking, yet now he’s driving?

This is where I personally draw the line with suspension of realism; if I’m legitimately concerned about one character’s safety when they’re with their enemy, to the point where it’s setting off alarm bells in my brain consistently enough to break my immersion, you better hope there’s a shockingly good redemption coming up which somehow does manage to satisfactorily amend this issue. And there pretty much never is because that’s unrealistic to expect

And I get it, they’re enemies; being assholes and wanting to kill each other is what it’s all about and it wouldn’t be ‘enemies’ if they weren’t crossing lines. But the thing is, in my brain there’s a difference between reckless/toxic behaviours and dangerous/abusive behaviours, and I feel like the level of control exerted in my previous example, as well as forcing her away from her own birthday party into your car so you can drive her off while you’ve just taken spontaneous consecutive shots of whole ass pints, is crossing a line you don’t want to cross if you’re gonna be in a romance by the end of the book

Or if you are going to cross that line, at least let the girl do the same; if both characters are as fucked up as each other, it’s more of a ‘pick on someone your own size’ kind of deal rather than feeling tlike an abuser/victim romance. If it’s just one character repeatedly doing nasty, spiteful shit to a character who just wants to avoid them, eventually loses their patience and snaps at the perpetrator which causes them to finally see the error of their ways, it doesn’t feel like they’re enemies, it feels like one person targeting a chosen victim because they don’t fight back. You need them playing on the same field, because if they’re on the same wavelength it no longer feels like an abuser/victim pairing - you can’t define one as worse than the other. It’s enemy and enemy, with both fighting for the upper hand over the other. It’s not a constant pursuit to hurt someone who just wants to run and hide and has done nothing to warrant that behaviour. At the end of the day, some level of equal participation is key here

But then you also have the opposite end of the spectrum, in which it’s not really enemies at all because they do nothing that bad to each other to warrant enemy status. It’s just… a general dislike handled in the mature way of ‘we don’t really talk, maybe we glare at each other but that’s about it’. It’s natural that you won’t get along with everyone, and sometimes the both of you just can’t click to the point of not being able to stand each other’s company. But avoidance doesn’t make you enemies. Being civil about it doesn’t make you enemies. You might as well be strangers that got off on the wrong foot

I think at the heart of any good salvageable enemy relationship are two things; misunderstandings through differing contexts, and pettiness. The pettiness is obvious; if they’re both handling being enemies maturely and civilly, they’re not really enemies, except on specific occasions where the enemy ship is based more on principle than personal matters (opposing factions being the most obvious means of external conflict driving them to become enemies without their own actions mattering). The way to being enemies has to involve enough pettiness on both sides to continue this rivalry to the point of crossing the line from ‘I can be civil with this guy even if I can’t stand them’ to ‘if you put me in a room with this guy I’m not responsible if they end up with a knife to their throat’. Not to mention that establishing a little pettiness early on can pave the way for a quality they may find endearing in their partner as they start to fall for them, since pettiness can easily be used for banter and other smaller, inconsequential things that may be funny or cute

And as for misunderstandings through differing context, you get an opportunity here to delve into the mindsets of your characters, to explain what brought them to not see eye to eye. Say Character A wanted to do X thing because it would bring them closer to a lost relative who used to be a pro at it, meanwhile Character B has done X thing before and gained some trauma from it. The characters have differing perspectives on the same thing, one being optimistic and eager-eyed while the other is skeptical and disillusioned, but also afraid. Character B might strongly discourage Character A from trying it out, to which Character A may get defensive because how dare this stranger try and stop them from something so important and meaningful to them? And now the defensive reaction is causing Character B to also react defensively out of their trauma, because why is this stranger being so hostile and acting like their experiences don’t matter when all they tried to do was help them? And then the two are forced to interact more and the topic of X keeps coming up, maybe Character A is being all childish and petty about it and getting reckless showing off how they can totally do X, only for Character B to start taking more drastic measures to make them stop, like taking their equipment, and now Character A is furious because that was the equipment their lost relative used, so now this is personal. And of course Character A will lash out emotionally, which prompts revenge from Character B, and-

You see how much more natural that is, without either character being designated as the one at fault? By acting off of the context they have, which presents them with opposing views, we can have good intentions be perceived as challenges or slights and taken more personally than intended, without the other ever understanding why this person has reacted so badly and taking it to mean this is just a person looking for a fight. And when things escalate, grudges can turn to hatred, which can turn to enemies

Not to mention this also gives us trauma responses to overcome and established character flaws to work on. And as the characters work on these flaws and trauma responses that caused the hatred in the first place, there’s suddenly going to be less conflict, so the lovers part can begin slotting in more naturally as the characters evolve from their worst to their best selves

And that leads me to my final note; time. These things take time, and they go in stages. Enemies-to-lovers is a slowburn trope, which requires attention to all the little details and awkward stages in-between. You don’t go from hating each other to loving each other, you go from ‘hating each other’ to ‘begrudgingly tolerating each others’ presence’ to ‘not being phased by their presence’ to ‘being relaxed in their company’ to ‘being able to be civil and polite without insincerity’ to ‘actually being able to get along without it feeling forced or awkward’ to ‘casual maybe-friends’ to ‘definitely friends’ to ‘fuck maybe more than friends?’ to ‘no no way am I crushing on THEM of all people’ to ‘oh fuck I’m crushing on THEM of all people?!’ to ‘fuck it yep this one’s mine’ - bonus points if there are setbacks and regressions and an ungodly amount of denial along the way

Point is, this trope is messy, this trope is confusing and this trope is very very specific; you need to show every moment of change as you go. People are here to enjoy the clusterfuck of emotions that the characters go through as they start to fall for their enemy. It’s a huge switch for them, why are we not delving into it? Quit going from ‘they hate each other and one actively antagonises the other’ to ‘but by the end of the night they made out because they’re just so unexplainably attracted to one another’

I’ll tell you about another story I once read that scared the shit out of me with how the enemies-to-lovers trope was just abuser/victim; the girl had been bullied and harrassed by this boy at her school, including destruction of property, physical violence, setting her things on fire, humiliating her in front of the school, etc. She also lived right next door to him, and from as early as day one he was an absolute asshole to her. The reason? He saw her struggling to lift a heavy box out of a moving van and thought she looked weak. So he said it. And when she didn’t respond favourably to that, he decided that was enough of a reason to warrant constant bullying for years

When the boy leaves over the summer break, she’s able to have her blinds open at home because now he won’t be staring into her bedroom window. Unfortunately he comes home a day earlier than she anticipated and he takes pictures of her changing to use as blackmail against her. For the majority of the book she’s blamed by herself, him and a couple other characters for leaving her blinds open. He uses his blackmail to have her do horrible things, he sets up hate accounts for her on social media and encourages people at school to start sending horrible shit like death threats to her actual accounts and to these fake accounts to the point where she just deletes social media altogether, he even tries to murder her at one point. Most of this stuff he never so much as apologises for, and the stuff he does apologise for, he still blames her for ‘causing’ it

We eventually, at the end of the story, find out that he’s got some kind of mental illness that causes these behaviours, and the girl is torn between ‘I’m the only one who can fix him I have to stay’ and ‘his many doctors are telling me it’s not safe to be around him’. His mother encourages her to stay to be ‘the one constant good thing in his life’ and the guy is begging and then demanding that she stay, but thank god she manages to eventually break things off with him despite loving him for some reason. I deadass can’t remember a single redeeming quality this guy had. He even tried to hurt her again as she left him, all the while claiming he’d never hurt her and that he’d changed and was different now. And by the end she was still wondering if she’d made the right choice or not, with the guy’s mum saying she hadn’t. Like… what?!

That’s not enemies to lovers. That’s abuser/victim the whole way through, just with a surprise reveal that ‘mental illness made him bad so he’s not really abusive, even though he never so much as apologised’. Mental illness is not an excuse. Mental illness should not be the end all, be all of an enemies-to-lovers story. Besides, it’s not like he didn’t have the capacity to apologise, but he didn’t do it regardless! Not even going through the motions without following through! Just ‘nah it’s your fault for existing wrong in my presence’

You can’t expect me to take it seriously if the only redeeming factor for attempted murder is ‘mental illness made him do it’. You can’t expect me to still find this ship even remotely an option. Redemption after attempted murder is a challenge enough as it is, especially since for a lot of people that can easily be considered a point of no return. But the guy doesn’t even pretend to be sorry! And later on in the same day she’s hugging and comforting him over the realisation that he has a mental illness since she feels she misjudged him! And suddenly they’re not enemies, they’ve jumped right to lovers! That’s the most frustrating part; THAT was the catalyst for the switch in mindsets, and it was INSTANT! INSTANT!!

Where’s the legitimate angst?! The payoff?! The satisfaction?! If they go from literal attempted murder to ‘my poor baby it’s okay I’ll always love you’ in the same day, what the hell was the point?! You’ve written two different relationships here, not an evolution over time with work put in by both parties! This isn’t even love! This is a horror story!

Anyway, TL;DR on what I’ve learned so far about the enemies-to-lovers trope and my personal takes on it; you need to hit the sweet spot between ‘will commit irredeemable dealbreaker atrocities’ and ‘I don’t have anything nice to say so I’ll say nothing at all’; you need reciprocation so the enemy factor doesn’t feel one-sided and thus more abuser/victim; you need a little bit of pettiness to ensure the rivalry survives long enough to die in the desired way; differing context on the same situation can be a great way of birthing conflict and enemy-hood without making one individual out to be the aggressor over the other and allowing both sides to act on character flaws that they overcome as the rivalry fades; the story needs to be a slowburn with each stage of the relationship’s evolution experienced in full; and the redemption efforts must be appropriate and satisfactory so the characters aren’t rewarded for problematic behaviour and get the opportunity to grow for and with one another

#writing #bookblr #writers #writeblr #my writing #not Byoldervine series #trope #enemies to lovers #enemies to lovers trope #trope talk #trope dissection #romance #aroace

[archivedbyebye]

Alright, here we have some jumbled thoughts for today’s newest ninjago episode..... yayyyy

So, of course, the episode was in a different language that I do not speak, so there’s definitely not a whole lot to go off of other than the rough english translation provided to us by the youtube gods. What a totally authentic thing for me to judge off of. Obvious sarcasm here, if you couldn’t tell.

So “The Coming of the King” was it? Yeah, interesting episode. To say the least. Spoilers under the cut.

Why don’t we handle the elephant in the room: Harumi’s character devolpment?

I can’t call it redemption yet, I’m not going to go there. 

So I was really surprised when I saw a lot of controversy over Lloyrumi this season. No necessarily that Lloyrumi fans were present, moreso the fact that so many were against it. I mean, I totally get it, it’s not like a real ship because Harumi betrayed him and tried to kill him many times over.... and y’know, general suffering and whatnot. 

There’s something I think that a lot of these fans wanted out of Harumi’s return: redemption. And let’s be honest, there’s no way they could have finished this season without giving Harumi some sort of conclusion, and it’s not very likely they’ll do it the same way they did it in season 9. I love Harumi, she’s easily my favorite character, but I felt a bit conflicted when she showed up on screen after episode 12. 

With the the summaries of the next episodes already released, it’s pretty obvious Harumi’s getting that arc in some shape or form. A lot of fans speculate that this is the beginning of Lloyrumi, and again, did not expect that backlash. Personally, I’ve stopped caring. I like Lloyrumi’s chemistry, but obviously it wasn’t meant to be after season 9. But it’s not like they haven’t been building this up in the past seasons. I would not credit the past few seasons for being that deep, but it’s pretty obvious that Harumi’s had a lasting impact on Lloyd’s life, so I guess it makes sense for her return. I did sort of go off on a tangent with this, but I just wanted to share my opinions on the whole Harumi thing before we get into the logistics of this episode. Told ya’ it’s a bunch of jumbled thoughts. 

Time to ridicule whatever that was. 

Like, right off the bat, Overlord’s back, bitches. Never found him that threatening, most recent season’s doesn’t dispute that. Literally the most he does is corrupt some weapons or something. 

Lloyd’s escape? Hysterical. All that boy did is swing around until shit got fucked up. Seriously, man, why didn’t you do that three hours ago. I guess the temple’s weird floating and rotation thing was pretty cool. I guess.

Also, is it just me, or does Lloyd have some really dumb banter or what? No elaboration on that, I just feel like it really doesn’t fit his character? I know that’s kind of where his character has gone over the past couple of years, but I am actually pretty sick of it. Shut up.

Why do these people keep giving Lloyd the chance to join them? He said no, kill him before he becomes a threat to you. Come on, I thought you people were supposed to be the villains. Get your shit together. 

Why are the golden weapon’s usage guidelines so inconsistent? Remember that bit in season 10 where someone could hold the golden armor without blowing up? Good times! Now you can’t throw the golden weapons together, lest they explode in your face! what.

OKAY BUT THAT ENDING THO- what was thatttttt

Lloyd is on the brink of escape, one step away from freedom, the people trying to kill him at his back. What does green boi do? Grabs nearest solid object (hostile ex-girlfriend) and YEETS THEM BOTH OVER THE SIDE. Okay I get jumping, don’t bring your future murderer with you, okay?? Why. No, really, why?? What do you plan to do with her ONCE SHE’S DONE EMOTIONALLY TORTURING YOU?? CRY INTO HER SHOULDER?? Lloyd, honey, she doesn’t love you. Let it go.

i’m done now, you can all go back to your lives

why am i still in this fandom

#ninjago spoilers #ninjago s16 #ninjago crystallized #i'm tired goodnight

[stormcrow513]

Ya know I'm getting really tired of the uuuww 'their mean cause someone hurt them, the power of your kindness can save them'

Not because it isn't true

Not because people don't deserve redemption

Not because I think it's a bad story to tell

But because it is not being balanced with other true messages

Some people are just bad

For these purposes it doesn't matter why they are cruel,

What matters is they are cruel and will be cruel again

Give my second sister as example, when we were kids she is 5 years older then me

She broke my arm and covered up that she did it at I was 3 so she was 8

I don't know how old either of us were when she began sexual abusing me, though I vividly remember the arm breaking at 3, like I just recently filled in some dots for ma,

She beat me,

Almost killed me a couple times,

It took me years, around now and I'm thirty-one, for me to stop trying to treat her with kindness because that was my default once, kindness

Even now my new default is caution not cruelty

She didn't stop hitting me hard with all her strength, to me shoulders arms breasts, back, stomach, ribs,

Not until I went through one last growth spurt at the beginning of my twenties, and became a mini tank, like I'd always been strong for my side but now I'd grown into it,

Anyway we were walking through the clothes aisle at the intersection she turned and punched my shoulder as hard as she could, wouldn't be surprised if she cracked the bone,

I turned and punched with 20 years pent up pain I was done in her bicep I felt my knuckle hit bone her eyes lit up with tears I probably cracked bone

She never has hit me hard ever again

She's got a small child now and she's never stopped being verbal and physically abusive, she came at me once when I told she to give me back my horse tack (she'd just caused my horse death,) called her a tief, and she threw his boots at me when I was filling a glass of water it was on the counter the glasses, the boot hit it and almost dropped it on my bare feet, also she shoved at me in said kitchen with water sloped on the floor,

Last year she got one of her dogs hurt, see she lets em ride it her truck but

A, does not seat belt them in, this is a safety Hazzard to the dogs herself and her child,

Has never trained em to get out safely, she opens the door they spill out,

I've warned and warned her one day one dog was gonna land on the other, 'they could end up with a broken leg or legs,

Last year it did, big dog jumped down right on to really fucking small dog,

Then instead of keeping small dog cordoned off into kitchen to keep leg safe from other dogs and make sure the little dog doesn't jump up, as she's allowed on furniture,

Little dog jumps up onto bed starts squealing in pain, take to vet, leg ended up so fucked that they had to cut it off,

Sidenote she kicks her dogs when they piss her off which just walking into her way can do,

I bet she's abusing her kid, heard her call her daughter racist names cause the kids dad has a bit of native blood

Here's the thing that I wish I saw growing up at least a little

Some people are just bad,

And they won't ever ever change no matter what,

You don't have to try and save every one,

Being kind to people also means being kind to yourself and sometimes the kindest thing to do for you is to leave that person to their shit,

as much as you can anyway ,like ma and I live with my abusive sperm donor as long as he lives she could come over here to the house, I can't tell her to stay away from me or I'll file a restraining order,

*high Disclaimer*

#high posting

[mayasdeluca]

ACA Here, so I was just albe to watch all the scenes of Carina and Maya (I refuse to watch anything with Grey sorry)

First of all Stefania continues to improve her speech pattern/accent/pronunciation , I’m very impressed, it’s still a tiny bit forced if you pay close attention to it, especially when Stefania talks medical and long sentences, her stops are still a bit too measured and not 100% natural but she improved tons, she has a pretty great dialect coach imo.

It does take time to adjust from a speech pattern technique that you are being using for all your life, but that’s totally normal, I’d love to see Stefania in other projects and see how these modifications she’s working on translate on other projects.

A part from this technical details, she was pretty amazing, the final part where she hides from Maya, holy shit, damn, no words only feelings.

What to say about Danielle!!!

She literally puts all the scenes on her very talented shoulders, I’m in awe with her acting, when she screamed at Carina while obviously try not to lose control and holding as much as possible: “STOP TELLING ME WHAT I NEED” I jumped, I got scared a bit by Maya for the first time, and I think Carina did too, it’s rare to be able to feel such strong physical emotion/response from a scene for me and this did it (I’m not complimenting the writings, cause a part from this, the rest was a fucking mess, cheap childish rookie predictable writing) do not let me start on how most of it becomes about Jack as usual, my hope is that they keep him out of Maya recovery and future reconciliation with Carina, we never really needed him and especially now!

Going back to Danielle, in my personal opinion she’s the most talented actress on S19 and most of GA (I put her very close to Sandra Oh) and she’s wasted there, I really hope for her career, that once she’s out of this shitty show, she can get a real project where she can show off without restrictions and have all the artist freedom she wants while given great writing to work on!

One thing is that some actors, once they played a specific character for years, even doing a great job, have problem adjusting to other shows/characters, they kinda disappoint me on other projects, so I guess what I’m saying I hope she’s not a character actress but a more complete one, only time will tell!

There’s nothing you can do, Stefania and Danielle have this once in a lifetime chemistry connection, that a few couple in acting had, I’m not gonna give you any examples because it could be very subjective, but some are undeniable, like their.

Anyway I’m not going more into it cause I could analyze their scenes for hours, but at the same time these scenes are so potent that I have problem watching them too many times, it took me a while to be able to watch them cause I knew they were way to powerful and indeed they were emotionally draining.

On another note I love how shitty Maya looked even if in a couple of close-up I could see a few brushes of make up.

She looked like death.

And I also love how I’m starting to dislike Maya a bit, I think Danielle did a great job on making us hating her (it’s not just the writing it’s literally her mannerisms and acting choices) I wanna see if they finally can give her a more complete storyline possibly a redemption healing one.

On the other side I won’t mind is Stef and Danielle leave the show, but it’s gonna be hard for them to get a project where they can have leading or even supporting roles especially Stefania, considering her Hollywood age, and her nationality, I know it’s sounds terrible said like this, believe me I know it’s sound horrible even by only writing it, it wanna makes me vomit and cry, but this is how Hollywood works, even if things are getting better, and there are more roles for over 40/50 yrs young actresses, it’s simply the truth for TV, I understand if they decide to do 10 more years of GA or S19, I mean even Ellen is tired of it but she’s economically set for life at this point.

You don’t wanna throw away a good steady job, also if it goes after season seven they prob go on syndication and can ask for a raise, and that’s why I think season 7 will prob be the last.

Anyway as usual I wrote twice as much of what I wanted but half of what I was thinking…

Love your comments and reviews!!

Hi ACA!

Thanks for the great thoughts/insight as always. I totally agree with the assessment on Stefania and Danielle. Danielle is super talented and yes, I hope that once Station 19 is over she's able to branch out and do other projects because her talent deserves to be recognized. I don't think she's just a one character type of talent, I think she'll excel with any kind of material. You can just tell.

The makeup team did a great job with Maya! And yes, Hollywood is definitely a tough business so I would assume they would want to stay at a steady/stable job until they can't anymore. But I hope for both of their sakes they're able to be successful elsewhere when the time comes because they both deserve it. That's an interesting point about what happens with a show after season seven, it does make me wonder if seven will be the last too. I mean it's hard to say because ABC does an awful job at promoting it and have for a while now so who knows. It's still doing better than Grey's though in ratings lol but I guess we'll see!

#asks #anon #acting coach anon

[nicxxx5]

Solitaire - Alice Oseman Book Review Part 5

i just finished reading solitaire and wow, WOW. truly i don’t feel like we explicitly get the gist of tori’s depression until the end. yes, through out the entire book she is pretty melodramatic and melancholy, but i really feel like we don’t really realize how far down that hole she is until the end. michael as well. i feel like their both two perfect examples of two extremes dealing with depression. tori appears outwardly depressed and has people expressing concern for her and telling her to just be happy.

 michael on the other hand hides behind smiles to mask his emotions that come from all the trauma he has probably experience being labeled as the weird kid. they make me have hope to see them as two depressed people getting together because they bring out the better in each other. because i’ve gotten with people that were also depressed before and it never worked out for me so it makes me a little nervous for future instances, but with them as an example maybe their could be a situation for me where it would work out.

 i also like how tori acknowledges that michael doesn’t fix her. he is a source of happiness for her but he doesn’t fix her entire lack of happiness, he doesn’t fix all the problems in her head. and she knows that. i think it is very mature and healthy of her to acknowledge that.

 lucas kinda pisses me off. what he did was stupid. he let solitaire get out of control and instead of trying to stop it earlier, he waited until he had tori yell at him to do so. kinda seemed like a redemption moment and it was a bit annoying imo. becky too. i don’t really care for how becky gets a redemption at the end. she’s still kinda a bitch in my opinion for what she did in relation to the ben and charlie situation. i think she was totally out of line and when she tried to paint herself as the victim that was kinda fucked.

 but overall i loved solitaire. there were so many lines that were beautifully written and hit really hard for me. i 100% recommend this book to anyone who can handle the content. the ending left me wanting more of these characters stories

#solitaire #solitaire alice oseman #solitaire review #solitaire book review #alice oseman #osemanverse #tori spring #michael holden #charlie spring #nick nelson #becky allen #lucas ryan #book review #books #end of solitaire #patience kills #depression #tw discussion of depression #tw depression #heartstopper