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hiraeth-witch-11 · 1 year

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Bond to Happen Part 7

Part 7: Team Bonding

Warnings: fantastical racism, Billy Russo, thoughts of death?

Word Count: 3600 ish

Billy regularly invited you out to lunch with the team, something you usually said no to. Eating around so many people was overwhelming. You preferred the relative quiet of your office.

“Come on, Blue, it’s good team building to spend some time outside the office with some of the people you work with. You’ll at least like Josie, and you know I’m always good company.” Russo winks at you.

“Hah, you’re funny, Russo.” You continue ignoring his pleas, pretending to work on a report you’d finished yesterday.

“What’s it gonna take to get you to come?” He asks, leaning against the door frame and looking distractingly beautiful as always in his black 3 piece suit.

You pause and sigh. “I’ll come this time if you stop asking me in the future.”

Billy considers it. “Counter offer: I ask you once a week.”

“A month.”

“Once every two weeks and your acknowledgement that it is a standing offer and you are always welcome.”

“Deal.”

He tilts his head, as if waiting for you to say something.

“What?”

“I’m just waiting for you to say it.” He crosses his arms and you roll your eyes.

“I, Blue, do formally acknowledge the standing invitation to lunch.” You roll your eyes.

“And?” He prompts, arching an eyebrow.

“Gods you’re annoying sometimes,” you mutter under your breath. Of course he hears you, the man must have enhanced hearing of some sort.

“I prefer ‘persistent’, and I’m still waiting.” He grins.

“And I am always welcome,” you concede, shaking your head slightly at his antics.

“That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?” He mocks.

“You’re paying for my food, Russo. And I’m sitting by you,” you add as an afterthought. Better to have his calming aura as a safety cushion than to be sandwiched between two normal ones. You stand and make your way around the desk.

“I knew you couldn’t resist my charms.” He smirks.

“You’re just the lesser evil, Russo. Don’t flatter yourself. Now move. You’re taking up the whole doorway.”

The diner was nearby and surprisingly empty for this time of day. It was really on you and the handful of Anvil employees who had been free for lunch hour today.

“What sort of a name is Blue?” A woman- Bethany- you correct yourself, asks.

“I’m not a fan of my legal name so I prefer to go by nicknames. Blame Frank if you don’t like it.” Frank didn’t often come to these sorts of things. He kept himself busy and only came when he truly had nothing else to do. So, in true Frank fashion, he wasn’t here today.

“I’m glad you came out with us, Blue, it’ll be good to get to know you better,” Josie offers kindly. Her hair is a warm brown color and you’ve only ever seen her with it up in a tight bun. She’s a team lead and your favorite new coworker. Besides Russo, but you’d never tell him that.

“I’m just here for the food,” you joke awkwardly. Billy swoops in and starts a conversation about something, a sport, you think. You’re not paying attention. Instead you’re focused on the loud buzz of everyone’s energy. You pull your magic as tightly inward as you can, subconsciously leaning towards Russo. You’re present enough to smile and nod at the right time, and you order a simple burger and fries.

“You don’t like pickles?” Russo asks you as he watches you pick them off your burger and isolate them on your plate away from the other food.

“No,” you say, wrinkling your nose. “Do you?”

“Yup, love ‘em,” he laughs at the face you make and your stomach flips at the noise.

“Help yourself then.” You turn your plate so the pickles are facing him. He doesn’t even put them on his own burger, he eats them plain. “Why anyone would ruin a perfectly good cucumber to make a monstrosity is beyond me.”

He shakes his head at you and the interaction sparks a debate across the table.

“I don’t like them either,” Josie says.

“You’re my new favorite, Jo,” you say.

“I’ve been replaced?” Billy asks, pretending offense.

“You were never in the running, Frank was first. But he eats pickles too, and relish, and literally anything because he has no standards when it comes to food,” you lament.

“My sister always eats my pickles for me whenever we’re together,” Josie shares.

“Mine did too,” you grin at the memory before your face falls.

“I didn’t know you had a sister,” Josie says.

“I, uh, don’t. Anymore.”

The table is uncomfortably quiet. You don’t know what prompts you to share, but you add, “Not everyone is happy to find out their family member is a witch.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Russo offers, sounding sincere. Josie and a couple other people nod in agreement. But Bethany decides to continue on the topic.

“I thought having a witch as a romantic partner was like a status symbol or something. Is it not that way for family?”

You grit your teeth. “A status symbol like having a fancy car or an expensive watch is, sure. It doesn’t do anything to benefit the witch, though. They aren’t some sort of trophy for the elite.”

“Well, yeah, obviously, but I thought the whole ‘guardian’ thing protects witches by making sure they’re taken care of and it only matches people who are compatible. Isn’t that a good thing?” Bethany asks, seemingly genuine in her curiosity.

“If having to essentially be owned and have a ring on your finger or a collar on your neck to be treated like a real person is a good thing, then sure,” you snap. Geez, you usually can keep a hold of your temper better than this. Your magic shifts under your skin restlessly. You roll your shoulders back, trying to shake off the pressure.

Josie’s whispering something into Bethany’s ear, but she keeps going. “But I thought-”

Billy cuts her off. “I think we can all agree that the laws surrounding witchcraft are archaic and the recent legislation being proposed is appalling.” His tone is firm and final, ending the discussion. His aura settles around you almost protectively and you readily accept the distraction from the itch of your power.

“I’m sorry, Blue. I didn’t mean to offend. I’m just not very aware of what things are like for your kind in the world right now,” Bethany offers.

“I accept your apology. I’ve heard worse, it’s okay, really.” You try to smile at her, but it feels hollow. You aren't angry with her, not that much anyway. More the world that has created this reality for you and your kind.

“You know, historically speaking, witches were actually most often healers and scholars,” someone on the other side of the table pipes in. She’s blonde and gorgeous, you think her name is Rose if you remember right. She looks at you and you notice the hazel color of her eyes.

You nod and shoot her a grateful smile.

“I heard that, too,” Josie adds. “Weren’t some of the greatest inventors in history theorized to be witches or at the very least, differentials?”

“Yeah, I mean, differential isn’t a term that was coined until the last century, but I’m pretty sure Da Vinci and Benjamin Franklin were witches,” you share.

The conversation evolved into a friendly and excited banter about which historical figures had to have been witches.

“He came back from the dead after resting in a dark tomb for 3 days, vampire for sure,” Michaelson- his first name, you’ve learned, is John- insists.

“He turned water to wine, walked on water, and isn’t there a story about him feeding a ton of people with a small amount of bread and fish or something?” You ask, waving your hands as you talk. “He has to have been a witch. I don’t know of any other species that could do half that.”

“Fair enough. Is there any truth to the whole immaculate conception thing?” John concedes as he bites into a fry.

“Oh gods, I don’t even know.” You think for a moment. “It’s possible, I guess. If a witch had enough power to create or transport matter. With the assumption that Jesus was a very powerful witch, his dad had to have been off the charts.”

“So an entire religion, like thousands of sub religions, might be based on a witch?” Bethany asks, curiously.

“Yup,” you say, popping the P and leaning back in your seat.

“That’s crazy,” she says to herself. Bethany had been more careful through the conversation, and you think she actually was eager to learn more.

“Especially when you take into account how many witch hunts were started by Christians,” Josie says with a frown.

“Many of the victims of those hunts were actually normal humans, but it was really damaging to witch culture,” you say softly. Sometimes you wondered what it would’ve been like to grow up with a coven, a family that loved you in your entirety, kept you safe and taught you instead of abandoning you. But covens since the height of the witch hunts were hollow mockeries of what they were before.

“That’s awful,” Rose states with a grimace.

“History is full of terrible things that get rewritten to fit the narrative of whoever’s in charge,” you comment.

“Now I’m wishing I paid more attention in school,” Russo says, lightening the mood. He’d kept quiet for the most part, preferring to listen and observe instead.

“Did everyone do those little crafts in elementary school where you’d make your own familiar or broom or hat or something for Witch History Month?” Josie asks.

“I loved those as a kid! I didn’t fully manifest my magic until I was an adult, but I’ve always wanted a familiar!”

“If you could, what type would you pick?” Billy asks, enjoying the way your eyes light up in excitement.

“A dog, 100%. I’ve always wanted some sort of dog, but my mom was allergic so I just collected little figurines and those little crafts we did and lined them up on my dresser,” you admit.

“You’ve never had a dog?” Josie asks in surprise.

You shake your head. “As soon as I was old enough, I started volunteering at a shelter, though. I spent most of my free time walking the dogs and trying to help with training.”

“One of these days, you gotta get a dog, Blue,” Bethany insists.

“And bring them to work so we can all meet them,” Rose adds.

“Now hold on there, I never agreed to dogs in the building,” Billy interjects.

“Come on, Russo,” Josie says. “It can be her emotional support animal and our unofficial mascot.”

You would love to have a dog and bond with it as a familiar, you really would. But you knew that your life expectancy wasn’t great right now. Your health was all over the place and while your conscious control over your magic was increasing in precision, the subconscious connection to auras and futures was all over the place. While you weren’t 100% certain what sort of creature you are, you did know that those who needed to feed to live would eventually waste away and die if they didn’t feed enough. The filter feeding you did was the equivalent of forcing a car to run on fumes every time you drove. You realized in this very moment that you’d come to accept that your death was likely on the horizon.

It wasn’t as painful a thought as you expected, it didn’t shock you. You suppose that you’d never really expected to live a full life after everything that happened since your parents kicked you out.

“I don’t think now is really the right time for me to have a pet,” you confess. “Maybe in a few years.” Odds are you only had one or two birthday’s left in you.

“Bummer,” Rose pouts with full, lightly glossed lips that you weren’t sure why you were paying such close attention to.

“Sometimes I stop by my place and get Dawn, my bloodhound, for lunch if we’re going somewhere dog friendly,” John says.

“Guess you’ll have to come out with us again and meet Dawn then,” Billy smirks.

“We’ll see,” you grumble.

You hadn’t been expecting lunch to be that enjoyable, even with such a rocky start. While some of your coworkers had remained largely silent for it except for the occasional comment usually based on some sort of stereotype, you hoped you could dissuade them of some of their more ignorant witch opinions.

******

Billy was pleased with how lunch had turned out. He knew he’d chosen today’s group wisely, though he was unhappy with how Bethany had behaved initially. He hadn’t realized how delicate of a topic witchcraft would be. Something he had made a mental note of for the future.

You’d come alive for a few moments there, grinning with your eyes their natural color still just as beautiful as they were when they flashed the cold blue of your magic. He’d known you would get along with Josie, but how well you interacted with Rose was a bit of a surprise. While it would’ve been almost unnoticeable to anyone else at the table, Billy was very familiar with what desire looked like. Yours was harder to sense, so much so that he suspected you purposefully repressed it. He’d noticed it a handful of times when you were talking with him, sometimes something as innocent as him leaning against a doorframe, smiling, or laughing would trigger a small amount of lustful energy from you. The first time he felt it, he thought he’d imagined it, but as he observed you more closely, he began to pick up on it more quickly. And he’d picked up on it today when you looked at Rose.

He knew Rose was a lesbian, he didn’t mind that, it would be a bit hypocritical of him considering his own nature. But he hadn’t expected her to be attracted to you. It’s not that you weren’t attractive, you were, in a softer way, something that was more subtle, almost like you hid it. Billy would have to watch the two of you, make sure Rose wasn’t a threat to his plans, make sure you stayed close to him.

******

Billy had been in a mood all week and you were honestly starting to get a little frustrated yourself. You knew that it was over a contract he’d been trying to get and the potential client was being stubborn. That day, you’d noticed he had arrived to work before you, not entirely unusual since he was a very hands on sort of guy who chose to work alongside his employees instead of above them. You’d left work around 5 that afternoon and Billy was still there. It was around 9 pm when you realized you’d left your Sight journal in your office, so you rushed back over, hoping someone was still in and hadn’t fully locked up. There were usually a couple people who worked overnight.

You were in luck, and able to head up the stairs and grab your journal before noticing that Billy’s office light was still on and his door was open a few inches. You peer through the gap and see him still pouring over his work, dark hair tousled like he’d been running his fingers through it in frustration.

“What are you still doing here, Russo?” You ask from the doorway.

He doesn’t look up as he responds. “I'm trying to figure out what I’m missing. I have another meeting with Diaz tomorrow afternoon.”

You hesitate then offer, “You want some help?”

He shakes his head, looking up with a frown. “It’s late, I thought you went home hours ago?”

“I forgot something in my office,” you explain, lifting the hand holding your worn orange journal. He nods and focuses back on his notes. You really should leave it, but he seems so stressed and it’s almost physically uncomfortable to see him this way.

“Come on, Billy, let me help. Walk me through it and maybe that’ll help?” You sit down on the chair across from him and he leans back, assessing.

“There’s a lot that goes into it,” he warns.

“I’ll do my best to keep up,” you assure him. Some of the more technical things you don’t understand, you don’t actually know a whole lot about the inner workings of Anvil, only the parts you so readings for. Much of what Billy says has to do with interpersonal politics, something you’re clueless about without the help of your magic. But you get the gist of what he’s saying, he’s competing with an older private security company named Black Lake for the contract and has yet to secure it. Your magic is branching out around you as you try to get a more magical view of the situation.

With his permission, you reach for his laptop.

“We have a better track record than them in the last 5 years,” you say, mostly to yourself as you look into the company’s public records. Billy nods.

“They’ve had a couple public fumbles and Anvil has only been improving, especially since you started,” Billy adds.

You nod to yourself, continuing to look. “Anvil’s better in just about every area, they only have seniority.” You’re starting to understand his frustration. Your eyes flash blue for a moment and a thought comes to you. Something that might be able to help Anvil secure the contract over Black Lake.

After pulling up Diaz’s profile on social media, you dig through some articles on the Black Lake CEO to see if your hunch is correct. “This guy is an asshole!”

“I certainly think so, but I’m curious why you do?” Billy asks, a small smile on his lips for the first time in days.

“Okay, look,” you show him the articles you’ve pulled up along with some of the social media threads. “You know the whole affirmative action plan that includes certain species of supes, mostly witches and diffs?”

He nods, listening expectantly.

“Grayson Blacklake is anti-witch, specifically female witches. It’s not obvious until you start to see some of his comments on nonhumans and look into some of the complaints. Most of his employees are strictly human, it’s disproportionate especially when you look at who actually ends up trying to go into private security. It looks like he’s toeing the line to keep from being obvious, but he’s got some comments here about the importance of ‘pure blood’ and how magic goes ‘against God’. Here’s one where he’s liking a tweet with a bible quote about killing witches. That in and of itself, isn’t super out of the ordinary for these sorts of people but I know you and Frank were talking the other day and you mentioned Diaz has kids.” You look up at Billy expectantly.

“Yeah, he does, what does that have to do with Black Lake? Grayson has a couple kids and a grandkid on the way, he has us beat with the family angle,” Billy says. You shake your head with a grin.

“Diaz has an instagram account, probably run by his wife and it’s rarely updated, but it has some family pictures and both his daughters follow it. The older daughter, Grace, has her instagram private, but if you look at her profile picture, it’s of her at college graduation. Her younger sister, Zoe, has a public instagram and if you look, she has some pictures of Grace’s graduation along with some video clips. Grace is a witch, potions based it looks like. In all these photos, it looks like Jeffery Diaz is really supportive of his daughters-” you pause for a second, honing in on the photo of Diaz with his family, using a touch of sight to confirm your theory. “And I’m betting he would much rather hire a company that is ahead of the curve in witch affirmative action and hiring practices than a company whose CEO says they should burn.”

Billy looks a bit stunned for a moment. “Your eyes barely flashed blue the entire time you talked, that was all you just figuring it out?” He looks at you with a touch of admiration.

“My sight pointed me in the right direction and then I used it to confirm everything. I wouldn’t’ve known where to start otherwise,” you say with a shrug. “But I think this should give you the advantage tomorrow.”

“You’re brilliant,” he says, with a grin, and the heat of his gaze is almost too much for you. He looks at you like you’re the first growth of spring after a hard winter, like you’re the first bits of light in the sky before dawn, like you’re beautiful. But there’s something else there, something behind the smile and the charm, something you can’t quite name but have noticed before. Something you’ll regret not paying more attention to once you realize the truth.

“Do you need anything before I head out?” You ask, changing the topic.

“I’m good, sweetheart,” he says and you feel the tips of your ears burn at how the pet name sounds coming from him, borderline sinful. But you shove down those thoughts, he was your boss and it wouldn’t do you any good to let yourself think of him that way.

“Goodnight, Russo,” you say as you leave.

*****

Billy never thought you were unintelligent, never thought less of you for the way you were quiet until comfortable, for how you only really chimed into conversations when it was something related to your interests- usually something witch or magic related, or for how you seemed to still be completely fooled by Billy’s carefully cultivated aura. No, he didn’t think less of you for any of that. But he will admit to being surprised by your willingness to help with problems outside the realm of your job description and he definitely was not expecting you to actually be able to help him with the Diaz contract. The more he learned about you, the more certain he was that you would be useful.

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@evyiione

#billy russo x reader #the punisher #angst #fluff #witch!reader #frank castle #magic #yandere!billy russo #slow burn #fantastical racism

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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medusapelagia · 11 months

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Prompt one: I can’t pretend anymore

(I’m posting this from the hospital so please be kind 😅)

This is not happening. It is absolutely not!

It is not.

“Sorry.. what did you say?” Steve asks, looking confused.

“You heard me. It’s over.”

“But… why?”

“Why? Are you really asking me why, Steve? Well if you want to know it’s because I’m fucking tired! I’m tired of lying, I’m tired of hiding and I can’t pretend anymore!”

“But… you told me we were fine.”

Eddie snaps “I devoted two years of my life! I stayed in this fucking town for you! I buried all my dreams because I thought that one day you were gonna to finally wake up and look into my eyes and tell me that you love me! But you didn’t! You never did! And what am I supposed to do? Waiting for you forever?!”

Steve shivers.

He knew that Eddie was waiting for him, that he stayed when the others left, but he never understood how much time had passed. How long they have been dancing around each other. He thought that they had all the time in the world.

But now Eddie is looking at him with angry tears in his eyes and a beaten bag at his feet.

“Are you leaving me?”

What a stupid thing to ask! Of course he is! He just told him so!

Steve doesn’t move, scared that if he moves Eddie will disappear forever.

“Yes Steve. I’m leaving. Wayne found a job for me with him in Oregon, I’m going to take the van and I’m leaving.” He takes a deep breath “I love you. I love you so fucking much but I deserve more than being your dirty little secret.”

Steve nods. He knows that Eddie deserves something better. He knows that he deserves the world, but he is too scared to give it to him.

He looks at him for the last time. Something inside him is screaming, telling him to get on his knees and ask for forgiveness, but he doesn’t.

Eddie sniffs and finally moves, slowly, toward the door.

“I wish you the best, Harrington.”

He nods again, while he feels a lump in the throat.

***

Four fucking months.

Four months of watching the closed door with a homemade sign that says EDDIE.

Four months of pre-made dinner because there is no point in cooking for one.

Four months of sulking, these are Robin’s words.

“Have you tried to call him?”

“For telling him what? That I’m a fucking moron? That I’m a coward? That I can kill monsters but I’m unable to admit my own feelings?!”

“This could be a good start.”

He should call him. Just to know how he is.

But he doesn’t.

He is a coward.

***

Keith gives him some holidays and Robin comes to take him on an adventure.

She doesn’t tell him where they are going and what he has to pack so he brings everything, from the sunscreen to the parka.

They relax on the beach, they hike through the mountains. Robin is driving. Robin is driving her little car that is so full of stuff that Steve is surprised that it can manage to drive to the peak of a stupid mountain.

When they finally stop, they are in front of an old cabin.

“I know we are poor, but I assure you that we can afford a motel. We don’t have to sleep in a creepy house where at least one murdered already happened.

Robin is still in the car.

“What? Are you leaving me here in the middle of nowhere?! It’s not funny Rob!”

He turns toward the car but she is already leaving, his bag is on the floor with some flowers she insisted on buying at the gas station.

The door behind him opens and he is face to face with the man that occupied his dreams for the last four months.

“Harrington? What the fuck?”

“I’m a moron. And a coward. And living with you is hell. And I miss everything! Even your mess! Please forgive me!”

The words come out of his mouth without even giving him the time to think about them, and that is a good thing! He doesn’t have time to analyze every single thing. He just… said it. As he should have all this months ago.

“These are for me?” Eddie asks, looking at the flowers.

“Robin buyed them.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“They are for you.”

He smiles.

Eddie is skinner, even if his arms are still strong and he can still see the blue line of his veins.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He replies “But if you want to go back to how it was…”

Steve shakes his head “You were right. You deserved more and I was a fucking idiot. But if you will give me another possibility I’ll do my best!”

Please, please, please give me another possibility, Steve hopes with all his soul.

“Actually… I’m leaving. I’m not made to leave in Oregon and Garreth and Jeff asked me to move to LA with them. Trying to make it big, you know?”

Steve nods.

He is too late.

He is four months too late.

“What… what’s your opinion on sandy beaches and oceans?”

Steve eyes shine with joy “Are you asking me… Are… are you sure?”

“Have you look at yourself in the mirror lately Harrington? You are a mess! It’s clear that you can’t survive without me!”

He hugs him tight, kissing him on the lips.

It’s just a peck but it’s enough.

“I love beaches…” he replies on his lips.

#myfic #steddie #prompt #angst with happy ending #tumblr ideas #tumblr prompt

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crazy56u · 5 months

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Guess who has two thumbs and only barely got out of bed in time to do this?

"Previously on Quantum Leap: Remember that relationship bullshit?"

And Ben winds up in Yellow Filter Egypt.

And Ben does the smart thing and immediately finds a wallet.

"You see that pyramid? That's how you know we filmed on location."

How much do you want to bet they didn't cut anything, and Raymond Lee actually did walk until the sun started going down?

"1961. You want an actual date. Fuck you."

There's a different world where that man slightly raising his newspaper was supposed to mean he wanted Ben to fuck off.

"When are we meeting?" "1PM" ...yeah, you're kinda late, there...

Ben, you've technically been a spy at least three times by now (fourth if you count undercover cops).

And cut to the life Ben should be living, just to tighten the screws.

And of course Tommy's about to propose. How much do you wanna bet that's getting flushed too?

Ian, you know damn well what she means by "a ring", don't be coy.

"You've never leapt out of the country before. It took Sam four seasons to get to Egypt."

Addison, not for nothing, but leaping is technically the same as espionage, given how you described it.

Yes, keep loudly talking to ghosts in the middle of the trailing mission, that never ends poorly.

["That's right, you sit there for a minute, and you think about how you fucked up, son."]

You got bluffed by a Zippo, Ben, you are bad at this.

Yeah, I'm willing to bet we ain't leaving Egypt this leap, ma'am...

"The traitor from your embassy." ...not to get conspiracy theory-y, but given how Ben's waitress friend returns this episode...

"Nomad's a myth." Confirmed. [Inside joke.]

I swear to God, I keep thinking this guy is played by Christian Slater, even though he isn't.

Sir, that was a shitty-ass fake sneeze, you better hope no one actually noticed that.

"Ben, you're gonna get fucking killed if you fuck up today. Pep talk over."

Annnnnnnd der she is! Not having aged a day since 1947!

[Seriously, I'm still on the "Hannah is a secret leaper" camp, this is the third episode where she got involved on a leap where Ben was some form of government agent doing some form of government agent shit, there's a connection here...]

[If there's nazis in Egypt this time, I swear to God...]

"I waited a long time to see you." ...it's been six years, though. Last time, it took you 8.

"How do you feel?" "Alive. Waiting for renewal."

Ben, I'm willing to bet Hannah is the reason you're here, and not to get conspiracy theory-y, I think we both know what I mean by that...

"...Hannah, my hologram-ex just indirectly gave us the okay to pretend to be married this leap, you in?"

"Darling, are you enjoying our honeymoon, which we are both on?" "Yes, we are definitely married and on our Egypt honeymoon, this is natural conversation."

Well, Ben, maybe you can slip in the backdoor and undo your fuckup...

Ben continues to suck at Metal Gear Solid, so in comes Suddenly Southern Hannah.

I am actually fucking impressed that this gong show worked.

"Okay, kid, you scored." That terminology existed in 1961?

Hannah, there's 34 minutes left, unless this is a multi-leap episode, you ain't done.

"I told you to photograph the meeting. You sent in a Southern woman, and slipped me a recorder. How did you fuck this up?"

...well, ma'am, to be fair, Ben kinda sucks at this spy shit...

I love how Addison left after Hannah's sales pitch.

Oh, that's because Addison's heart broke, I don't wanna laugh, but dear God, this makes me want to so bad...

Imagine if they decided to hard cut from Ben and Hannah kissing to Addison sobbing in the break room, dear God, this plot twist is so damn funny, I'm trying to not be like this, but dear God...

"No, Ben, you are the nomad." And then, Ben was a zombie- wait.

And cut to Addison getting drunk in Magic's office.

"Be true to your present, Addison." It will be doubly funny if it turns out my theory about them undoing the time skip is still in the cards...

...why does this double-break up feel like Addison telling Ben she quits?

"Like I said, she's a pro." "She's gonna make it." Annnnnnnd three... ...two... ...one...

Ben, time to make like a tree, and get the fuck out of here.

"Look, while you were off having a romantic subplot with that Hannah lady, I had to do my goddamn job, even if that meant blowing Layla's cover!"

Oh, don't fucking tell me we're having Layla be killed offscreen, that's dirty fucking pool, episode...

"Annnd... Fade to black. Whelp, that was a sad way to end it, but hey, maybe people won't mind-" "Frank, there's still 20 minutes left in the episode." "But, I- we- where the fuck do we go after killing Layla?!"

"Maybe this is why we kept crossing paths; sooner or later, I was gonna fuck up big time..."

[And it is around this point I am reminded of them discussing the grandfather paradox during the trailer for this entire {chunk of the} season...]

Addison, don't act like the solution isn't having someone leap into Layla to fix this...

...

...I swear to God...

...

...okay, I am actually annoyed, you don't make us think Layla died offscreen, only to pull the "Just foolin'" card, THAT is dirty fucking pool

Oh, hey, they remembered Ben got a phone number at the start...

And so we have a chase scene in a mosque. But at least the bad guys know to take their shoes off.

And so Ben knocks out that Bill Burr looking motherfucker.

...Ben, you are so close to doing the full Kyle Reese, just say the line properly...

Plot twist, Layla was secretly Hannah, was a shock!

Yeah, get fucked Bill Burr, say bye bye to your car!

"Look, we're sorry about lying about Layla getting killed offscreen, how about we have her drive off into the sunset instead, we good?"

Hannah, call me totally nutty, but I think you'll see Ben again this season.

"I spent more than two dozen leaps looking backwards. From now on, I look forwards" Translation: #RenewThisShowForSeason3.

"So, Ben almost fucked up the leap, but turns out he didn't, that's wanna see me propose?"

...goddamn, this is a plot-twist heavy episode.

["Whelp, we ran out of pre-strike episodes! See ya next year!"]

And to think, I almost missed this one.

#nomads #spoilers #quantum leap

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matchayogitea · 2 years

Text

Rainy night in Hawkins - part 2

"Would you like another piece of cake?"

"Thank you, but I'm so full. It was so delicious I ate way too much of everything!"

Your mom smiled at Steve, thanking him for the compliment. He'd been funny and charming all evening - even Jamie, your little brother, had enjoyed listening to him, despite the age gap. And you had kept staring at him till you reminded yourself to stop or he would notice.

"Can I go play in my room now?" Jamie asked, as he snuck some food to Lilly, who was sitting beside his chair.

"Stop that, she still has food in her bowl. And no, you need to help with the dishes." Your dad sounded kind but firm, so you were surprised at what Steve said next.

"Actually, Mr. Y/L/N… I'd like to help with the dishes."

Your mom looked like she was going to have a stroke at somebody offering to help with the task everybody in the house hated, but immediately regained her composure. "Of course not, Steve, that's very nice of you to offer but you're our guest!"

"Oh, I don't mind at all. Y/N will help me and we'll be done in no time. It's the least I can do after you treated me to such a great dinner." Steve winked at you and you half-cursed him for bringing you into it, half-melted at the way he was so attractive.

Once your parents had left you alone in the kitchen, you found that doing dishes with Steve wasn't so bad after all. The two of you made small talk throughout and when you were finally done you had an idea. "We rented a movie yesterday, but ended up not watching it. If you wanna stay a bit longer…" you trailed off, staring at him. Part of you wanted to reach over and kiss him so badly, but you also knew you couldn't ruin your friendship.

"What movie?"

"A Nightmare on Elm Street."

"Sounds cool! Won't your parents mind if I stay?"

"Oh please. You've seen the way my mom treats you, and my dad enjoys your dumb jokes too, for some reason."

"My jokes are great!" He pretended to be offended, but it only lasted a second as Lilly came into the kitchen and started nudging his hand, wanting attention. He knelt down to stroke her fur and Lilly tried to lick his face. Lucky dog, you thought, as you grabbed something to drink for the two of you and headed to the living room.

-------

"Scared yet?"

"No way." You were determined not to let Steve know that the movie was getting to you, but you were definitely getting frightened.

Your parents had had no intention of watching a horror movie, and your brother was too young, so that left the two of you and Lilly on the sofa - she had managed to occupy almost half of it and rested her head on Steve's legs, where it currently was, still. You almost felt offended that she seemed to prefer him to you.

You glanced at Steve out of the corner of your eye. He seemed relaxed, and you felt like an idiot for getting so worked up over a dumb movie. Why did I rent this? I should have picked The Outsiders. Or Karate Kid. Or Footloose. How am I even gonna sleep alone tonight?

Without realizing, you had shifted a bit closer to Steve on the sofa and your shoulders were almost touching. You got distracted for a second by the fragrance of his shampoo, it smelled nice and familiar, you wondered if it was the same one you used but there's no way Steve Harrington would wash his hair with Fabergé Organics…

Suddenly, he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him. "Don't be scared. Compared to what we faced the past couple of years, this is nothing." he said softly.

You could have died.

You tried to say something, but the gruesome scene on the screen was too much and you instinctively hid your face against Steve's chest.

And then you felt like an idiot. He didn't like you the way you liked him; what was the point of making a fool out of yourself in front of him?

"Sorry…" you moved away, almost to the other side of the sofa, and brought your legs close to your chest. Your heart was still pounding.

"For what?" he murmured, turning to look at you.

"For being a child. I know this shouldn't scare me. It's not real. The demogorgons were. Everything we saw was real. Not this."

"You're not a child, Y/N. Before… before all that, I couldn't stand horror movies either, you know. I guess it only changed because after I had to use a spiked bat on some monsters I got a bit braver." he was only half joking, you could tell.

"You are brave."

Steve turned to look at you again. You couldn't tell for sure because the lights were off, but he looked happy. "You think so?"

"Yeah. So don't put yourself down." You watched him grin and you immediately added: "Don't let that go to your head, Harrington. I'm just being a good friend here."

There was silence for a bit, then, and you had gone back to focusing on the movie when Steve spoke up. "We are friends, right?"

"Of course…" you slowly said, glancing at him. He looked pensive, staring at the screen as if he wasn't really taking it in.

"Just friends?"

He slowly turned his head toward you, and you froze. You didn't know what he meant. You couldn't seriously believe Steve liked you back. It would have been too good to be true. You'd never been that lucky. But he was inching closer and closer and his lips looked so kissable, and he was staring at your lips, too, and then-

Before you knew it, he was kissing you. Softly, gently, as if he was worried you would slap him. When he parted, with a slight frown, he obviously couldn't tell what was on your mind because he hastened to apologize. "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have, I thought-"

You cut him off with another kiss, and the two of you quickly deepened it this time. His arms wrapped around you and you mimicked his movements, and you ran a hand through his hair that you loved so much, and didn't part until you both were out of breath.

"Wow." he murmured, looking star-struck. "That was…"

"A really great kiss." you finished for him, smiling.

"I hope your parents don't come to check on us anytime soon," he added, and gently placed his hands on your cheeks, kissing you again.

#steve harrington #steve harrington is a sweetheart #steve harrington needs a hug #steve harrington x reader #stranger things imagine #steve x reader

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amyisherenowitsokay · 1 year

Note

*stares very aggressively , I’m foaming from the mouth.*

Howdy-hey! I’m here to pester you abt your works! So I reread “From your memory” and I was like wowza and then I wondered…

What was your inspiration? That concept was just entirely new to me and in the good old year of 2011 I was practically ascending bc I was so invested in the story and it was actually the first fic I ever read from you. (and I fell in love teehee) So what made you write that or inspired yo to do so? Did you have an original storyline that was scrapped, and or changed ?

You don’t have to answer any of this if you don’t want to btw :)

I answer all my asks (eventually lmao) fish! Especially yours!

Long answer under the cut because I'm incapable of giving a short answer. Information about my own fics are constantly on the tip of my tongue ready to be spilled out at their first opportunity, and I'm incapable of resisting.

From Your Memory was actually genuinely inspired by the song mention in the A/N of the first chapter, which is Paramore's Ignorance. This is also where the title comes from.

"I'm not the same kid from your memory Well now I can fend for myself"

I listened to the original and acoustic version on loop. Basically what happened in teenage me's brain did was have an animatic in my head about how this song could figuratively apply to a fanfiction, developed the premise, and went from there.

This is gonna be really funny to explain because there's like legitimate scenes developed around individual lyrics in this song.

Ignorance sounds and sounded a lot to me like a dialogue. It sounded, to me, like one person was saying some parts, and one person was replying in a sort of escalating argument, but at least one party was 'ignorant' (huehuehuehue) of all the details about why they were even fighting in the first place. Based on that premise, the song will (hopefully) make more sense. I'm going to write the lyrics 'assigning' lyrics between two people, and tag them (1) or (2), depending on who I am is talking/replying, with 1 being Zim, and 2 being Gaz. I vividly imagined two people interrupting one another while fighting, hence a lot of the weird breaks.

This is gonna be so convoluted and I'm sorry ahead of time lmao.

Lyric Breakdown

(1) If I'm a bad person— (2) You don't like me (1) Well, I guess I'll make my own way (1) It's a circle, a mean cycle (1) I can't excite you anymore

Just on that dialogue, it's basically like. Zim starts off the story blaming himself for not being there when Gaz was injured, and wars between doing the easiest thing for Gaz, which is to shut up and pretend not to know her, or what he wants, which is to tell her the truth and re-involve himself in her life. Gaz is meanwhile obviously oblivious to his turmoil and is like "why are you even talking to me, you hate me." Zim of course originally chooses to aid her from the sidelines, but he's not happy about it. He essentially is "not allowed" to involve himself in her life anymore.

(1) Where's your gavel? Your jury? (2) What's my offense this time? (1) You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me (1) Well, sentence me to another life

Zim's resentment about the situation continues, especially with Dib being irritated about Zim choosing to keep secrets and forcing him to go along with it. Gaz is still like "dude what the fuck is your problem??" while Zim continues to be extra pissy, wishing things were different.

(1) Don't wanna hear your sad songs (1) I don't wanna feel your pain (1) When you swear it's all my fault (1) 'Cause you know we're not the same (no) (2) We're not the same (no) (2) Oh, we're not the same (1) Yeah, the friends who stuck together (1) We wrote our names in blood (1) But I guess you can't accept that the change is good (hey) (2) It's good (hey), it's good

At this point, Zim's dealing with being incapable of helping, desperately wanting to help Gaz, but not actually able to do so. He's just constantly watching her suffer without ever being able to help ease her pain.

Mentally, this was also just more arguing, but with Zim being forced to swallow the fact the meaningful friendship and borderline-relationship he and Gaz had developed is gone, and she's not interested in developing a new one the way he is. Things are different now. They simply aren't friends. He's done nothing for weeks but try to save her life, has had her literal blood on his hands, and now it doesn't even matter. He's got to move on, and he's got to continue to convince Dib that their situation has changed, and his idea is for the better. Lacking context, Gaz meanwhile is like dude take your angst and fuck off. She's also trying to convince herself that whatever is clearly happening behind the scenes, it doesn't matter, and she's better off keeping her head down.

(1) Well, you treat me just like another stranger (1) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (1) I guess I'll go (1) I'd best be on my way out (2) You treat me just like another stranger (2) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (2) I guess I'll go (2) I'd best be on my way out

(1) Ignorance is your new best friend (x2)

This is also another parallel back and forth, with Zim still coming to terms with Gaz genuinely not knowing their formerly intense, meaningful relationship. It's more resentment about what he lost. It's meant really sarcastically and snidely. Gaz, for her part, means it really literally. She doesn't have any relationship with Zim aside from 'that guy my brother hates,' and blows him off.

And of course, "ignorance is your new best friend" is pretty straightforward in its meaning. Gaz isn't Zim's best friend anymore, and all she has to keep her company is her new amnesia.

For this next part, queue Membrane (3). The really fun part is after this analysis, if you wanna go back and listen to this song nearly entirely from a Gaz vs Membrane perspective, it also can fit! From a Membrane-centric perspective, if you think of Membrane as he sees himself (aka not in the wrong), needing praise from the public, shrugging off criticism since it's "for the greater good," etc with Gaz (and Dib) shoving back at his preconceptions, it's easy to hear the dialogue. But continuing on, this part was mentally Membrane for me:

(3) This is the best thing that could have happened (3) Any longer and I wouldn't have made it (3) It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture (2) I'm just a person, but you can't take it (2) The same tricks that, that once fooled me (2) They won't get you anywhere (2) I'm not the same kid from your memory (2) Well, now I can fend for myself

This was more later in the story and/or right before Gaz lost her memory during her confrontation with Membrane, where Gaz knows what's going on, and Membrane's trying to convince her to cooperate anyways. Membrane is convinced this isn't something that needs to be difficult, while Gaz is warning him that she's dangerous now, has backup, and isn't going just hand over her independence at his whim.

Further Development

From that context, you can see that the story just kind of happened from there. I filled in the gaps. Why was Zim so mad at Gaz, and why wouldn't she know why he was mad at her? Originally, I wasn't sure who the (3)rd person in the lyrics was that Gaz was fighting with, but to me, it sounded like an authority figure. There's not a lot of those in the IZ universe, let alone one that Gaz would legitimately be threatened by, and eventually, it started to sound like an argument with someone gloating, and then someone who didn't even notice their gloating was actually cruel. They'd also have to be someone who Gaz knew since she was little. Someone she was invested in. Someone exactly like Professor Membrane. But then what would Gaz be arguing with dumb, well-meaning Professor Membrane about?

And thus, a metamorphosis occurred:

This is a meme I made awhile ago for my Discord friends when we discussing From Your Memory. It also makes me laugh every time I see it because it's really spot on to the vibes.

I started to consider the angle that Membrane was actually the bad guy, which, when you consider how many times 'evil mad scientist who think they're in the right' was fed to kids as a trope (and still is, tbh), it was an easy jump. And THAT was when the story really started kicking in.

This was around the time I started to hear the 'Dib is a clone' theories. If Dib was a clone, why couldn't Gaz be? If you were a scientist whose entire life was dedicated to advancement for the betterment of mankind, why would that just be relegated to advancement in technology? Why wouldn't someone just a liiiiiiittle off find themselves stumbling right into advancing the evolution of mankind as a species, too?

So then Gaz and Dib became experiments. And if you were going to make a boy and a girl, you could argue it'd just be the typical white picket fence dream of having a son and a daughter. But if you're me, and grew up in a religious environment, the creation of a man and woman as a pair sound less like siblings and more like Adam and Eve. And that's where the whole 'Gaz is an angel with wings' things came from.

The origin of evil!Professor Membrane was mostly that I thought that no one would ever see that twist coming, but reading back through it, I can definitely see small-me taking digs at my own super-scientist parent lmao.

Evil Membrane is also so incredibly fun just in and of itself. Professor Membrane is the guy above all guys in Invader Zim. He's respected, well-loved, commanding, imperial in so many ways.

I simultaneously started formulating this idea that Gaz had amnesia to keep her from being too OP and dunking on everyone. So the story pretty much fell into place after that. Obviously, the amnesia had to be caused by Membrane, to reset his 'experiment.' Dib and Gaz, as his own form of Adam and Eve, were abominations. Abominations tend to be malformed in some way, meaning they were imperfect creations. Dib was first, and therefore more of a prototype. It'd explain why he lacked Gaz's powers, why she tended to be smarter, stronger, etc in the show.

I also deeply loved the idea of Zim being in love with Gaz, while Gaz is completely indifferent in a way that was atypical than usual ZAGR stories (including MHNY). Zim wasn't fantasizing for a relationship that could be, but pining for a relationship that had been. It made their will-they-won't-they dynamic painful instead of lovey-dovey-ooey-gooey-sentimental, and ya bitch is always down to mix a good dollop of pain into my stories lmao.

Changes Down the Line

This one I'm gonna preface with to anyone reading this: don't go digging through my reviews. I'm too old and my bones are too tired to stir up shit, or incite drama.

I lost focus/desire to finish this story somewhere around I think when Gaz got kidnapped the first time (ch 19ish). I had a whole (now lost to time/deleted) chapter of her being in a warehouse, losing her shit, and breaking free via her powers.

ORIGINALLY, in a world where that version of the story happened instead of what's published, this was going to lead to Gaz being an actual, active threat to humanity incapable of controlling her powers. There was going to be a scene where Dib has to really debate on killing his own sister, or let her destroy the world in a fit of grief. Zim and Dib turned against one another because of it, with Zim fully willing to let her destroy as much of the Earth as he needs to as long as she stays alive.

It was undecided whether or not I was going to make Gaz kill Membrane, or just get really close. Most of the end of From Your Memory was me winging it and losing steam, so I was going back and forth on it.

However, I did know Dib would eventually manage to get close enough for the 'moment of truth,' so to speak, but find himself unable to actually kill his little sister. That moment of humanity would snap her back to cognizance. She'd realize just how much both Zim and Dib care for her in their individual ways, and sort of collapse. They'd eventually disappear, and the rest of story would play out pretty similarly to the published ending (assuming Membrane didn't die).

This all was scrapped legitimately because of one singular review.

Someone, and I genuinely do not remember who but I vaguely remember getting into it in my A/N's with them a few times, wrote this really rude review about how predictable the story was getting, and wrote out basically that it was obvious that Gaz was about to have a power freakout, how played out that was, blah blah blah. In 2011/2012 however, I was like 15, so instead of rolling my eyes and/or patting myself on the back for leaving enough narrative hints that the entirety of my story could be devised from what was already published, I got really mad lmao.

So in an effort to not be 'predictable' and prove that person 'wrong,' I deleted the entire chapter and rewrote it to what's now ch 20. That whole storyline was gone just cause one review really rubbed me the wrong way on the right day lmao. I think there's even an A/N even at the end of 20 that mentions offhand the scrapped rewrite.

As a reminder, this fic was finished over 10 years ago. I am not interested and would in fact be really irritated by anyone digging up the review to go harass someone who probably isn't even active on fanfiction anymore (I mean god, is anyone? Lmao). But that is what happened, and it is relevant to the question, so there.

Additionally, I was debating on writing out a few prequel chapters and inserting them somewhere in the story. Maybe 1 - 3(?) chapters written out, with a beginning, middle, and end of how Zim and Gaz's relationship developed. Like a lot of small, detailed flashbacks of when Zim first started treating Gaz, some middle bits when they stared falling for one another and really began to allow themselves to lean on one another, and then the final kiss scene, just before Gaz lost her memories.

I don't know quite remember where I intended to put that. I had vague ideas of Gaz being knocked out, those 1 - 3 chapters of flashback, and then her 'waking up' right after she slips into a coma, back in the present. These chapters were never written, partially because I couldn't figure out where to put them, and then by the time I got to scenes that could work for that kind of transition, I was really burning out with the story and just wanted to be done with it.

I think that's everything! Hopefully somewhere in this mess was a cohesive answer that answered your question! If I missed anything specific you were looking for, please let me know, and I'll be happy to answer! <3

#ravenfollower13 #zagr #zim #invader zim #iz #fanfiction #amyisherenowansweringyou #gaz #from your memory

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thornescratch · 2 years

Note

But Don't Give Yourself Away for the title meme? (Is that related to the sign stealing fic?)

It is! ...I also just wrote out my full answer to this ask, and then tumblr blipped on me and I lost it so I'm incredibly annoyed and don't really want to write it up again. Eat shit, tumblr.

So, yeah, much more briefly this time around: sequel to Whatever happened to all this season's losers of the year, and since the title is from lyrics from the same song, I figured it made sense. I talked about why it's named what it is a while ago here. I kinda wanted to go back to Burky's thirst for Holtby, and thought it would be funny if multiple teammates were thirsting for Holtby, and how Ovi and Nicky would handle that. Especially if Ovi and Nicky actually were in opposition to each other on how to handle it.

Anyway, yeah: Holtby is in the middle of some kind of bonkers love quadrangle and isn't aware of it; Ovi is far TOO aware of it and drags in Nicky and Brooks Orpik in accordingly out of self-preservation and also spite. Also more signs are stolen. You can read a previously posted excerpt from it here. And here's another bit from further in.

"Guess who's in love?" Alex says, as soon as he has Nicky alone, or as close to alone as they can get on the charter plane.

"Did he talk to you?" Nicky says, eyes narrowed. "I told him that was a bad idea. I told him you would just sabotage it."

Alex blinks. "I'm not gonna sabotage Burky. I'm gonna sit back and watch because it's hilarious."

Nicky's face does something unusual, in that it shows roughly two seconds worth of genuine surprise before it settles down. It's all fractional eyebrow bunching, and a very quick clench of the jaw, subtle and barely noticeable. On anyone else, it would be unremarkable; since it's Nicky and since Alex has been making a habit of watching him as closely as possible for the last decade, it's as good as klaxons blaring and red flags waving. Alex is immediately suspicious.

"You talk about Burky, right," he says to Nicky, watching him closely.

Nicky's face is back to its usual inscrutable setting. "Andre's always in love," he replies, which is a definite dodge.

"But you mean Burky when you say you tell him I'm gonna sabotage love or something?" Alex persists.

"I know you're helping him," Nicky says, and then wrinkles his nose and looks annoyed. "Trying to help him. Probably getting him into more trouble."

Mild insults and slightly more words than necessary, which means Nicky is absolutely hiding something. Alex plays back what Nicky had said, mentally prods it a few times for any hidden English translation meanings, and then applies his Nicky translation filter, and comes up with the answer.

"You don't mean Burky," he says. "You mean someone else on team's in love."

Nicky looks down at his iPad and grunts noncommittally. Alex gasps in delight.

"Who?" he asks.

"I can't say," Nicky says primly. "Anyway, it's not your business."

"I'm captain!" Alex protests. "All team romance and love and hookup is totally my business."

"I'm gonna nap," Nicky says. He puts his iPad down and folds his hands over his stomach, closing his eyes. "I can't talk right now."

"Backy," Alex whines. "Backy, no, Nicky, come on, tell me, come on. You my A, you supposed to share stuff like this."

Nicky glares at Alex without opening his eyes, a uniquely Nicky skill that he produces as effortlessly as he does saucer passes, and which Alex secretly envies more than a little. "I am asleep."

"Backy, come on, if you won't say who in love, at least tell me who's in love with."

"It's nice to be asleep," Nicky says.

"It's me, of course," Alex says, and Nicky takes the bait; he opens his eyes just to narrow them at Alex. "Okay, yeah, not me, because I know you kill them because you love me. So it's not me. Not you, because if it's you, you don't say anything at all and you just pretend it's not there."

Nicky sighs and closes his eyes again.

"Not me, not you, you tell them not to talk to me, you say I sabotage, why I sabotage…" Alex thinks it over. "I only sabotage probably if they love you. Except." He pokes Nicky's arm several times in excitement, and Nicky swats him with unerring accuracy, still with his eyes closed. Alex doesn't even care. "It's Holts! Someone else loves Holts!"

"Everyone loves Holts," Nicky says, but he presses his lips together and wrinkles his nose. Alex is triumphant.

"Who is it?" Alex asks. "I'm not gonna sabotage. Probably I'm not gonna sabotage. Maybe. Unless it's you."

"You'd sabotage me?" Nicky asks, opening one eye. His face is already back to blank tranquility.

"Well, I'm gonna try," Alex says. "Like, if you love Holts, that's not good for me. Unless you let me watch. Or if you wanna watch me and Holts. In both case, cool, okay."

"Hmm," Nicky says, which Alex immediately files away as 'not a definite no' in case such an opportunity ever does come up. He's not made of stone, after all. Though then they'll have to deal with a heartbroken and/or sulking Burky for stealing the goalie sex god of his dreams.

"Anyway, is it Jojo? It's Jojo, isn't it," Alex asks. If someone is asking Nicky for advice on seduction, it's probably one of the younger players, and it's probably one of his countrymen, and Alex already knows about Burky. "Oh my God, Nicky, you playing favorites with the kids?"

He twists around in his seat to see where Marcus is, and Nicky shoots his hand out to yank him back down.

"It's not Mackan," Nicky says. "Christ, you're making a scene. The point is not to tell everyone."

"Ha, when I make scene, you gonna know it," Alex says, and twists his neck to test the strength of Nicky's grip on his shirt collar and the way it's cutting into his throat a bit. It's an interesting sensation. He'll have to remember to have Nicky do it again in a more private setting. "Hmm."

Nicky grimaces. "I'll tell you at the hotel," he says. "Just. Not now."

"Okay, okay. At the hotel," Alex says. He manages to wait thirty seconds. "Is it Vee?"

#meme #writing #hockey RPF #Washington Capitals #Alexander Ovechkin #Nicklas Backstrom #Andre Burakovsky #Anonymous

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superiorjello · 2 years

Text

Jello Watches Not Me The Show

Part 1:

So I went in knowing "BL, main character joins an anarchist gang, it's based off of GOT7 fic" which was surprisingly little considering what I just got wholloped in the face with.

Reaction time. There will be spoilers.

Twins. Okay. Cool. Black and White is a little on the nose when you're coming at it from an English perspective (reminds me of Fuhrer King Bradley) but I'm sure it makes more sense as a Thai naming thing (cause honestly their whole nickname system is awesome and I love it).

What do you mean THEIR HEARTS ARE LINKED is it MAGIC or something?

Splitting the twins up with no contact whatsoever just seems cruel.

Their dad is kind of a dick. Also smarmy party is smarmy.

OF COURSE HE HAS AN ATTACK

How does his dad not instantly recognize it was a twin-heart attack or whatever?

WHO IS THIS GUY AND HOW THE HELL DID HE GET WHITE'S NUMBER?

I wonder if they let Black be so beaten up in that scene so they could just use a body double and didn't have to shoot all the Black shots with the same actor and then edit it. Cause usually they let characters just be "prettily bruised" in this kinda show.

Wow, White just goes all-in on the body modification and I am here for it. I hope he keeps it for pranking opportunities once Black is back too.

How does he expect to live a double life though, being both Black and White does not seem sustainable.

HE IS SO BAD AT PRETENDING TO BE BLACK HOLY SHIT like I will give him an initial pass for not knowing his brother for years but if he's gonna go all in on this plan he kinda needs to sell it after a day or two of studying how people react around him...

2 second long motorcycle lesson

THEY JUST STRAIGHT UP BURN A HOUSE

PAINT VANDAL CINDERELLA AND ANARCHIST PRINCE CHARMING

"I want to quit." "Haha, funny joke dude. Just chill for a day and you'll feel better."

I love the middle-class student rubbing White's nose in his own privilege. He deserves it. YES SEE THE IMBALANCE INHERENT IN THE SYSTEM HAVE A WHOLE "Oh, THIS is why my brother is doing this" MOMENT!

Garage-owner guy: why don't you stay here for a while, I'll train you up some more.

Me: ah, so at least one person here has figured it out

YEAH, YOU TELL YOUR DAD, WHITE!

and they were roommates OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES

Stupidest room search ever. What are you even looking for?

THEYRE HOLDING HANDS

Sean and White can have some cuddles. As a treat.

Okay I honestly just got so engrossed I forgot to react for a while.

His plan for meeting Black's ex was weird tho. Not a great plan. And seriously WHO IS THIS RANDOM FRIEND OF BLACKS? HE OWNS A TOWER? His dad did import/export so that's sketchy as fuck.

Sean keeps reminding White that Black is an asshole and he's like "oh right, gotta be a dick" like, Sean, just suck it up and deal with having an angel around now.

Sean: gotta end capitalism, starting with this guy

White: yeah, but you gotta LIVE THROUGH IT TOO

Manufacturer Heist aka can no one plan anything well in this group?

The complex system of dealing with bad employers but causing loss of income to the most vulnerable of their workers IS A REAL ISSUE AND I LOVE THEM FOR ADDRESSING IT

THE PROTEST SCENES THOUGH

THE GIANT GAY FLAG THOUGH

White: dancing around and so clearly not Black

Sean: heart eyes, motherfucker

THE HAND HOLDING THOUGH

So Cinderella-cop should quit the cop job, honestly, but NFT's? Really?

FOR THE LOVE OF RAMEN WOULD SEAN AND WHITE JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY

Side note is that the same ramen sponsor as KinnPorsche? I feel like it is.

#not me the series #not me the show #thai drama #jello speaks #gotta go sleep before i watch more

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aliengirl-97 · 4 months

Text

bluerayhealing 10h if it's any consolation that at least you had this person you love for 10 years. i would've taken those years with the person i love even if it was abusive. it's 10 years for me since i was with this guy that i fell in love with who would shove me when i didn't want sex and pulled my hair so hard i felt my neck would snap, but he left me and all this time i wish i had been good enough and i wish he would've stayed even if it was abusive, it's better than indifference.

I took a lot of time to digest this message and figure out how to reply to it. Every emotion flickered through my mind.

The short:

A man who abuses you doesnt love you. A man who abuses you is indifferent to your suffering, they just pretend otherwise to keep you around to fulfil the further need they have to abuse and control.

The long:

When I was a teenager, I was extremely unstable - self harm, alcohol use, risky sex behaviour, the works - and very vulnerable to abuse. I met a man online who was there for me, he listened to me, he cared, he assured me my abuse didnt make me unlovable and actually made me better (giant red flag), and I began to see him irl.

I moved in with him after 2 years in my late teens.

Over the course of this relationship, he would hit me, control everything I did - the way I spoke, dressed, acted, who I could talk to - and abuse me physically and sexually, including things like strangling me. He would constantly remind me I wasnt good enough - pretty enough, not funny, not smart, the only good thing about me was that I was useful. And I agreed.

I am in my late 20s now. I have been isolated from anyone but him for so long that I cant function. I have no idea how to do shit like pay rent due to the financial control. I wont trauma dump more details, but I was treated incredibly badly and will be in therapy for the rest of my life.

My diary entries for years were begging him to love me, begging for me to just be better, do better, if I was better he would love me more, oh Im such a bad person to make him put up with this etc. I was groomed and systematically abused until I thought I was the problem against all greater logic. After all, he couldnt be bad, he loved me, right? It's my fault, I am not giving him what he needs, and as he reminded me I could give him what he needed or fuck off. And I had no one but him, so I clung on.

A man who abuses you doesnt love you. A man who abuses you is indifferent to your suffering, they just pretend otherwise to keep you around to fulfil the further need they have to abuse and control.

I would give anything to have no spent 10 years with a monster, to have woken up sooner, I'd trade my left arm to have my teens and 20s back. Im gonna spend til Im 30 just putting my life back together.

What you describe and experience is similar to the trap I was in for 10 years - yearning, desperately, to be enough for someone who doesnt give a shit. Difference is mine kept me around cos I was useful, doesn't mean he cared. And this may sound harsh, but it isnt real love, it's a obsessive bond that forms from trauma. Heightened when someone dangles the idea of being 'good enough' over your head.

I have many, many mentally ill rants in diaries about how I'm not even good enough to abuse, and I can only say that doesn't exist. I'm glad that man isnt in your life cos he's not good enough for you, no one deserves someone who treats them like that. I used to think that treatment was the best I could hope for.

Use me, abuse me, just as long as you stay and love me - I can have the illusion of love for a while, even if deep down I know I'm being used.

I dont know if I am ever gonna escape that mentality and that girl still lives within me, but I am awake enough to know where that path leads. That path leads to 10 years of your life giving things away that no one should, all for a man who doesnt even fucking like you. My ex hated everything about me - my interests, hobbies, humour, appearance - but always gave me 'chances' to improve. They keep you pining so you're too focused on yourself to see the abuse.

I wish I could say something that could stop you ever ending up in that situation as you are at risk for that, but I also know there's shit all anyone could have said to me. People did over the years and planted the seeds of doubt that took years to grow into "oh, this isnt okay".

There is nothing wrong with you. There's not something defective about you that made you not good enough. This is what abusers do. They hurt you, keep you around til they get bored, and throw you away. But non abusive love exists, and so does finding people who think you're absolutely wonderful for who you are.

#trauma vent #abuse vent #cptsdhealing #actually abused #trauma healing

0 notes

punkscowardschampions · 2 years

Text

Casey & Janis Pt.1

Casey: Where are you

Janis: Had to go to my mum’s, see Billie for something

Janis: Is everything alright?

Casey: I need you to be back here

Casey: I need you to help me

Janis: Right, okay, I’ll leave now

Janis: you know how long that takes, do you need me to do anything in the meantime, like

Casey: I dunno

Casey: I just

Casey: I reckoned on you’d already be here and now I dunno

Janis: Do you need someone there quicker

Casey: I’m not bleeding out, if only, like

Casey: her parents would be chuffed to bits if I was

Janis: Did you have a fight

Casey: it’s her own fault, she fucking lied to me

Janis: what about

Casey: everything the bitch said

Janis: from the start

Janis: you must be proper upset

Casey: she ain’t given her place up to stay with me, that were bollocks, she’s going

Casey: and what, I’m meant to chuck her a bottle of [whatever the hot champagne of this era is] and send her on her way buzzing, the fuck am I

Janis: oh

Janis: that’s really tough, especially as it blindsided you

Casey: she had a right laugh about it, thinking I would an’ all

Casey: ‘cause it’s so funny I reckoned she was dead serious

Janis: that’s fucking horrible, Case

Janis: I thought she was at least dreading the conversation, too

Casey: she deserved it, too right she did for all this, you get it

Janis: of course I get why you’re hurt, anyone would be by that

Janis: but do you think you might get in trouble for this, properly, I mean

Casey: it don’t matter, there weren’t nowt else I could do, especially not let her make a massive twat of us then leave

Janis: It does matter, what happens to you

Casey: I did what I had to, she learned the lesson she had to

Janis: It’s true that it’s done now, yeah

Janis: and if they call the police then that’s what we’re dealing with

Casey: Maybe dad’ll come visit, he’ll be dead proud finally when he hears

Janis: I should’ve never have told you this was a good idea, Jesus

Casey: I said, it’s her fault, nobody else’s

Casey: she should never have thought she could get away with treating us like that

Janis: but she can, can’t she

Janis: yes, you’ve hurt her physically, and that isn’t nothing

Janis: but she will still leave and what you didn’t want to happen has and will still happen

Casey: nah, I want her to leave now, fuck her

Janis: I wish that meant you were happy now but we don’t need to pretend

Casey: be a stretch on a day none of this had happened, I ain’t gonna start pretending for you like that

Janis: I’m sorry

Casey: yeah, me too, I’ll never be that dickhead

Janis: If I was a less shit friend, I would’ve known, or told you that you couldn’t keep on in it, anything before this point

Casey: I’d be a shitter mate if I let you know

Janis: No, it shouldn’t work like that, I should’ve been there for you then

Janis: but I can only do it from now on

Casey: it were working how it should, how I promised

Casey: but I could only hack it for [however long it’s been]

Janis: it’s not working if you aren’t happy, that’s not ever what I want

Casey: you heard, I’ll never be, but this was the best I was gonna do, the hardest I’ve tried

Janis: Bollocks

Janis: she was a liar and immature as fuck

Casey: Dad taught us how to sort that, I should be off to his, what the fuck am I here for

Janis: did he now

Janis: or is everyone he ever came into contact with a fucking mess

Janis: Your dad isn’t going to help you, and you know that, he never does

Casey: don’t, alright

Janis: no because you only want to go there to get beaten up a bit yourself

Janis: it’s a terrible idea, just stay, okay

Casey: how’s that any better of an idea

Casey: you coming here to me

Janis: I’m not saying it’s amazing but it’s the best choice you have, alright

Janis: you need to stay here, you’d look like you were doing a runner

Casey: you hit me then, I’ll stay for it

Janis: you’ve been conditioned to think that’s what you deserve, any time you feel bad, that’ll stop it, even it out for whatever you did to make you feel like shit in the first place

Janis: that’s not how it’s gonna work though, that’s not the reality of this situation, if the police are coming, it’s not just to kick your head in for you

Casey: you’d think I deserved it too if you was there

Janis: I ain’t doing it

Janis: I’m not going to witness how you’ve grown up and been raised and then do that

Casey: it’s love, and I know you love me

Janis: it’s how people who haven’t experienced any other kind show it, maybe

Janis: don’t turn it into that, not when I’m still here and I want to do it differently

Casey: I don’t know what the fuck else to do no more

Janis: You can go see Ian, I’m not telling you to but I won’t tell you not to either

Janis: but his kind of love keeps you going how long, before you do something you don’t wanna do because you don’t know what else you can do again

Casey: ours ain’t no different, we just wish it were

Casey: you described it when you did his

Janis: maybe you’re right

Janis: maybe it’s all just a plaster over a fucking gaping hole

Casey: they wanna hurry up and collect me, there’s nowhere else to bother heading towards

Janis: then hand yourself in

Casey: alright, first good idea either one of us has had

Janis: I really hope it teaches you every lesson you need to learn but I don’t have that much faith

Casey: nor do I, girl

Casey: Let us see you first anyway, before, you know what I’m like about goodbyes and all that

Janis: it isn’t a goodbye

Casey: yeah it is

Janis: right

Janis: no one makes you look like a twat again and we’re all fucking stupid for even trying to be anything more than miserable

Casey: What do you want me to tell you, you ain’t built like us no more, you only think how he does and I ain’t never gonna fucking break like that dickhead has done

Janis: only different methods

Casey: different animals, he’s prey and he likes being miserable so there’s no need to act like none of you are trying that hard to change nowt, not deep down

Janis: because you’re really trying hard to go against what you were raised to be right now, aren’t you

Janis: you’re the one that’s giving up, make no mistake

Casey: I ain’t got a single reason, he has every and he still chucks them all every chance he gets

Janis: you said it yourself, clearly no love is enough, if that’s true then he’s got nothing more than you have

Casey: and if I said it, must be true, no bollocks ever coming out of my mouth, is there

Janis: Not going to tell you you’re being hysterical, like

Casey: try it, I’ll show you hysterical, far as a goodbye goes, better than none

Janis: you already know what my answer is gonna be

Casey: I already know you’ve got no answers, yeah

Janis: what are you waiting for, an excuse to kick off

Casey: been and done it, keep up, mate

Casey: waiting for you and the garda, depending who gets here first

Janis: it’ll be them

Casey: probably, but I never stuck about long enough to know if they’d been given a ring or nah

Janis: how disappointing for you if she turns out to be that stupid

Casey: got your top back up plan, no need to be too gutted

Janis: nah, I mean, if it turns out she didn’t, you could’ve really moulded her into what you wanted after-all

Casey: I know what you meant, but it’s not what I want, I did it for you

Janis: yeah

Janis: so blame me

Casey: shut up being a martyr same as him, I’m responsible for myself and what I done, getting out the way of your happy family didn’t mean I had to take it as far as [whatever violent act you committed, I truly don’t wanna speculate because it’s bound to be grim]

Janis: no shit

Janis: we’ve both done things we didn’t need to, shouldn’t have, whatever makes more sense when none of it does

Casey: if I could hate you, blame you, any of it, I would’ve been for a decade, piss off offering it up to us as a solution now

Janis: I’m the last person you need to tell that to

Janis: as if I don’t know

Casey: just tell me what to do

Janis: you hoping the amount of times I get it wrong, you might finally hate me?

Janis: we can try

Casey: I can’t sit here going out of my head til you show up

Janis: okay

Janis: meet me halfway

Janis: put headphones in and keep your head down, it isn’t long before it’s proper country roads and you won’t see nobody

Casey: okay

Janis: just trust me, it works well enough

Casey: I do, and that ain’t bollocks, however much else I’ve said you know is

Janis: and if you get in the car and wanna leg it, I remember how to do that too

Casey: I wanna be with you, give a shit about where

Janis: I need to see you too

Janis: I did stop driving, for a bit

Janis: but I couldn’t turn around

Casey: you can’t, if you don’t wanna help, there ain’t none for me waiting round a different corner

Janis: I really, really want to and I’ll keep trying, even if it makes you think I’m a fucking idiot, it don’t matter as much

Casey: I’d rather you were the twat you are than the bastard I am

Janis: I can’t tell you you’re not a bastard right now with any chance of you believing me about anything ever again

Janis: but you aren’t a total bastard, I’ll stand by that

Casey: and you aren’t a total twat, like your massive twat of a husband, I never meant you was even while I said it

Janis: truth is, I’d rather believe the you saying that now than the you who said all that

Janis: because I can’t hack it, so I will

Casey: truth is, I keep hurting you and I’d rather drive this car into a bloody wall

Janis: sometimes I think that’s all I’ve ever done to you

Casey: me an’ all, and I wish I were more like my mum and then I could piss off and leave you, but that’d only hurt you too

Janis: there isn’t an easy way out

Janis: and for the record, I don’t think there was for your mum, I know we’ll never know but

Casey: she wasn’t one for taking it, hard way or no fucking way, it’s Ian who’s after what’s as easy as he can get hold of

Janis: exactly

Janis: whatever happened, it clearly weren’t happily ever after for her

Casey: it weren’t right either how she loved me but it was different, I know it don’t have to be according to Ian and nowt else

Janis: I really weren’t trying to say you were like that

Janis: I was just talking about him, I know you’ve known different

Casey: Don’t worry, who knows what I’ve been saying or trying to say for most of this convo, state of my head

Janis: we can draw a line under that

Janis: be a real dickhead move to make this about my hurt feelings

Casey: we’re not them, I don’t wanna be and that ain’t how you love me, never has been

Janis: it’s not gonna be

Janis: fuck’s sake, have to stick to at least some of the shit I say, right

Casey: it’s just hard, working out this is my life, what it’s come to

Janis: if I had one to hand I’d drink to that

Janis: you are still young, so am I as well but you know

Janis: isn’t totally fucking hopeless

Casey: I feel knackered, if you said I’m 90 and it’s fucking hopeless that’d be well more believable at the minute

Janis: you ain’t allowed to argue if I tell you what you need is some sleep

Janis: not even taking the piss about blankets, alright

Casey: but I can’t, with it replaying over and over

Janis: that I can knock you out for, if necessary

Janis: what do you think, will talking about it make it less in your head or just keep it there longer and brighter

Casey: I don’t want you having it in yours, us like that

Janis: I understand

Janis: wouldn’t have to give [school therapist] a bell for real to talk to someone though, others about

Casey: we were them, me and her, like I was a kid acting out some shit play he’d never bother to come watch, I can’t even feel how I fucking want to then, when she’s taking it all off me and I’m the only dickhead it effects

Janis: you did it a lot, when I first met you

Janis: it was well rehearsed, when the other person sticks to the script, which, they usually do

Casey: and when lasses stick to that script we can be you and him, when the fuck am I me though

Janis: first, you’ve gotta work out who that is

Casey: be a right laugh that will

Janis: I reckon most people make it up

Janis: working out who you wanna be is slightly easier than starting from no fucking clue, I guess

Casey: right

Janis: I’ll yeah or nah any suggestions, obviously

Casey: tah very much

Janis: it’ll get easier, picking the good bits of yourself that are you

Janis: ignoring the shit you don’t want from him

Casey: bit old to be trying to crack on and make a start with it, kind of shit you’re meant to do when you’re our kid’s age but

Janis: nah, you are a bloke, after-all

Janis: could get to middle age, realise you’ve got no clue and buy yourself a poncey sports car to unimpress 18 year olds with

Janis: anything, you’re slightly ahead realising you’re lost, mate

Casey: long as I’m not marrying a bird and taking her kids on, won’t have got very far away from Ian

Janis: yeah, seems unlikely

Casey: unless it’s you, yeah, but even more unlikely you’ll have let yourself go by then so be alright

Janis: so it’s alright if she’s fit then

Casey: as fit as you, get away with owt

Janis: maybe with you, kid’d fucking hate me though

Casey: nah, be a top mum, especially by the time you’re that old

Janis: ugh, I don’t wanna think about it

Casey: What do you wanna then

Janis: I’d say anything but that but I’ll try and be more specific

Janis: what about you, would you ever have kids

Casey: doubt I’ll work out who I am and that dickhead’ll be someone who could be a top dad

Janis: be on Bob and Libs to have loads so they look after us all and we don’t die in some shit care home

Casey: no chance, we’ll die waiting for him to say or do anything about being in love with her

Janis: I didn’t mean together, for the record

Casey: good job, like

Janis: I just hope they move on at roughly the same time

Janis: or it’s going to be really painful to watch

Casey: can offer him the benefit of all my experience being left in the bloody cold, bound to be chuffed

Janis: you know I’d change it, if I could

Casey: can’t change the fact I were 12, mate, I get it, you’re the one person hanging about me back then who ain’t a massive nonce

Janis: soz, like

Janis: already got called frigid, if I hung about for another 4 years, would’ve been carted off to the convent

Casey: never rid yourself of them gay rumours

Janis: exactly, constantly turning down girls from then ‘til now’d be a full-time job in itself

Casey: why I can’t be bothered, yeah

Janis: is it?

Casey: that and the priesthood don’t sound like it’s for me

Janis: don’t think it’s a step in the right direction for ya, no

Casey: if lasses are that desperate, gotta do some good deeds somewhere, don’t I

Janis: 😏

Janis: just stick to shagging ‘em for a bit, alright, no emotions

Casey: turned on feels like it’d be an emotion but alright

Janis: well I’d LOVE to tell you to save yourself but think you’d be miserable not doing your charity work, like

Casey: I’ll promise to think about if you’re promising to marry us when I’m middle aged

Janis: can’t say you wouldn’t be old enough then

Janis: as long as I’ve not let myself go, yeah?

Casey: might be too old to get turned on if I do take after Ian, but if you’ve not let yourself go, see what I can manage

Janis: you’ve given me loads of time to bulk buy the viagra so can’t say fairer

Casey: 😏 heart attack in one of them moments is loads better than a shit care home, you’ve got a deal

Janis: sounds good to me

Janis: can make you fry-ups every day to help you on your way

Casey: alright, that’s love, forget owt else

Janis: can die happy

Casey: and you, rid of us

Janis: no, shut up

Casey: I weren’t who you signed up for, only on this play pretend marriage certificate anyway

Janis: I never had to have anything to do with you, if I didn’t want

Janis: you know he wouldn’t have made me

Casey: not like he’s chatting to one of your brothers or sisters right now as if he’s a paid don’t jump phone line, nah, but

Janis: so don’t act like you don’t know

Casey: sometimes I feel like I’ve locked you in and kept the key away from you, however much bollocks you’re gonna say you reckon it is

Janis: I chose you too, not ‘cos it’d impress him or so I felt like a top person or any possible shit you could think of to explain it

Janis: and I feel like you’d probably be better off if I hadn’t, had just left you alone

Janis: it’s too late to see if that’s true or not though

Casey: I’d be in prison if you hadn’t, still counting to 10 to see if it’ll stop me kicking someone’s head in, it’s all anyone else has ever given and then left me alone with

Janis: you were more like me than any of my family, anyone I’d met before

Janis: it was terrifying and exciting at the same time

Casey: yeah, I know

Casey: but it ain’t alright how much I put on you ‘cause of that, asking you to sort my head out

Janis: I’d rather you ask and we give it a go than the alternative though so

Janis: is what it is, no cunt said life was fair

Casey: I hate being like Jim for it, that’s the worst one

Janis: like I didn’t ask him to fix my whole life and it didn’t even properly work, I don’t think

Janis: I don’t even know, anymore

Casey: least he’s got the maybe, I only fuck your life up

Janis: maybe none of us have got anything to fuck up, s’the problem

Janis: but that’s not how I feel about you, anyway

Casey: not a challenge I’m after accepting, I already know how piss easy I could ruin everything I love about you and change the whole person you are

Janis: I missed you

Janis: I really thought that’s what you wanted

Casey: I wanted to make things okay for you, I thought by trying hard enough it’d be

Janis: it’s just impossible

Janis: I hate knowing what you’re doing but I hate not knowing more

Casey: I won’t do nothing except go to work and make fucking delicious drinks and come back and tell you about them

Janis: can we be mates again

Casey: we can’t ever stop being mates

Janis: no we can’t

Casey: you’re the only one I give a fuck about now Twix ain’t here

Janis: It’d be a fair 🥈 I’d take it

Casey: bit rude to chat shit about the dead, but it’s obvious she’s 🥈

Janis: I won’t gloat, out of respect, like

Janis: we could stay away, for a bit, if you wanted

Casey: yeah, and get a new dog once we’re back

Janis: let you have a say this time, no offence Twix

Casey: full offense Ian, the massive bellend

Janis: has been weird, not having one in the house, excuse to fuck off out for a bit

Casey: it’s a 🏆 quality idea but you’ll stay 🥇 I’m sure

Janis: if I’m gonna be jealous of a dog I’ll have to off myself, honestly

Casey: I ain’t letting you, I’ll just have to keep on loving you more

Janis: Good, I can keep loving you too

Casey: I’ve missed you too

Casey: so fucking much

Janis: I nearly broke

Casey: when

Janis: so many fucking times, it was ridiculous

Janis: I tried not to be at home, or awake, the times you would be, to stop myself seeing you and talking to you

Casey: you have no clue how chuffed I am it weren’t only me, bit rude to want you headfucked but

Janis: If we were headfucked alone

Janis: good thing my head is massive ‘cos some part of me still didn’t believe it, that you wanted nothing to do with me now

Casey: we’re too good mates, you know what I’m like, and what I want before I even want it loads of the time

Janis: I know you, you know me

Casey: Where we going, for a bit

Janis: wherever we want, I was just going to drive

Janis: can’t exactly leave Ireland but beyond that

Casey: [looking up different peeps and places who have puppies available like a nerd and sending her the deets like let’s go play with puppies actually]

Janis: 😁

Casey: final say’s yours

Janis: goes without saying but it’s proper sweet you did, boy

Casey: sweeter when you’re doing that face at me for real

Janis: yeah?

Casey: ‘course, best smile in all of Dublin and wherever else we’re off, you

Janis: I wanna see yours again

Janis: even if you only manage 🙃

Casey: goes without saying I reckon I can do without being Spiderman about it

Janis: if I have to tip you on your head, I’m not above it

Casey: you’re gonna have to try to now

Janis: won’t drive us into a ditch to achieve it

Janis: have some restraint 🤞

Casey: I’ll drive us, you’ve gotta have a look at the rest of these dog pics I’ve saved

Janis: alright, good distraction tactic

Casey: there’s some really good dogs an’ all, I’ll not lie

Janis: I’d have to draw the line at you lying about such an important topic, boy

Casey: good job I ain’t then, can’t have you start drawing and being even more like that dickhead

Janis: how about you don’t mention him unless you’ve got an idea what I can tell him, yeah

Casey: How about the truth, sod all to go wrong there, not like I could be about to go prison or anything

Janis: yeah, I should warn them

Janis: so they don’t think the garda asking where you are is a whole kidnap murder thing

Casey: there you go, he’ll be chuffed to bits I’m finally going anyway

Janis: he won’t though

Casey: he weren’t ever gonna grow enough of a pair to chuck me out with nowhere else to live, but I’ll have a guaranteed roof over my head and he’ll save loads on bills

Janis: he wouldn’t do that ‘cos he gives a shit, you know that really

Casey: gets off on punishing himself, more like, getting to be the twat who really tried but failed

Janis: too soon to be making the comparisons again, alright

Casey: it ain’t the same, he makes my fuck ups his own, yours too and will our kid’s if he ever bothers to do owt, it’s nothing to do with us and everything to do with him

Casey: you proper wanna help when I fuck up, and I’ll take the punishment I’m owed for it, there’s no comparison

Janis: I think sometimes I just got added to his to-do list

Janis: it weren’t supposed to be like that

Casey: he dunno how to make nobody feel no different, put upon missus before you said your vows and battered wife without you having to throw a punch

Janis: let’s not

Casey: it ain’t your fault he don’t want no help

Janis: so much of it is my fault

Janis: but this isn’t about that, not right now

Casey: alright, I’ll leave it out and just drive for a bit

Janis: if we’re doing one, we may as well ignore it all for as long as we are, yeah

Casey: I’d 👍 but it’s too close for comfort far as no comparisons goes

Janis: so is your entire face but that’s pretty unavoidable

Janis: ‘less you got a paper bag handy

Casey: oi, I manage not to think of your fit nan at least half the time I look at you

Janis: okay fairplay 😏

Casey: 😏

Janis: I suppose I’ll have to look at you 🤏

Casey: you’re alright, challenge accepted to drive with a bag on my head, have done with more distracting shit than that going on

Janis: mhmm

Casey: trying to get us to compare you with Gracie there or what

Janis: literally never, tah

Casey: it’d have to be a plastic bag depriving my brain of oxygen, and still, probably not all that likely

Janis: you like making things awkward, I remember, dickhead

Casey: if I were I’d have said something about how she makes herself look white enough for me to give it a go and she’d turn herself blonde if I asked her to

Janis: that’s not anything to brag about, she’s doing that if she gets a text back in under 2 days

Casey: not doing it for bragging rights, am I

Janis: not at all, even hypothetically

Casey: see if lasses are gonna end up being a garda enforced nah or my own top decision making

Janis: always some guard bird who fancies it

Casey: that your final answer, ‘cause yeah, as top advice but I don’t reckon you actually mean it

Janis: obviously not

Janis: it’s school shrink on steroids

Janis: no sisters, no letchy old women, no nans… who else

Casey: go on, who else

Janis: no exes

Casey: piss easy, only got the 1

Janis: you’re welcome for the lack of challenge

Casey: and she’ll be in [uni town], not gonna drive there

Janis: why would you

Casey: I’m sorry, you know that, yeah

Janis: yeah, but you know that don’t mean you can go tell her and make up, right

Janis: that one is serious, and for your own good

Casey: nah, I mean I’m sorry to you, for making it all worse instead of better

Janis: me too

Casey: I’m so sorry I let you down

Janis: Shh shh

Janis: none of that was what I wanted, or you, so let’s write all of it off as the bad idea it was and try again

Casey: just promise you won’t look at me like that when we both get halfway

Janis: I promise

Janis: all I’m going to do is make sure you’re alright

Casey: I can hack it from anyone else

Janis: I’m not scared of you, and I don’t think you’re a bad person

Casey: I am, but you don’t ever need to be scared of me

Janis: you’re fucked up, not evil

Janis: and I’m not going to make shit worse, or leave you to it on your own, not again

Casey: Why does he get to stop, live happily ever after with his new missus and her lasses he never touches

Janis: he’s not angry he’s miserable

Janis: and you’ve got potential worth wanting to be better

Janis: he gave up a long time ago

Casey: I’m miserable an’ all

Janis: Oh Casey

Janis: not in your bones, not yet

Casey: I have no fucking idea how my mum would feel about what I done, not anymore

Casey: she’s barely a real person now, is she

Janis: they have to talk about her more, with you

Janis: well, Jim, Bobby knows even less

Janis: it isn’t fair

Casey: he’d have sod all nice to say

Janis: at least you were both there

Janis: she’d feel more real still, even if you disagree

Casey: I was, he’s less of person than her, has been for ages longer

Janis: neither of you can go on like this

Casey: I know

Janis: I can’t fix it

Janis: it has to be you lot

Casey: let’s just keep them where they are for now, back there

Janis: we can do that

Casey: tah

Janis: are we leaving my car or what’s the plan

Casey: one of, depends who’s got more petrol in theirs

Janis: be me, seeing as I’m so sensible and boring

Casey: you ain’t insisted I’ve gotta drive mine back home before we both piss off in yours, can’t be that sensible or boring, like

Janis: bit late to make this a master plan

Janis: doing what we have to, doesn’t include a note and keys on the table, clearly

Casey: I will if you want me to, once I’ve seen you

Janis: I don’t know what the fuck I would write

Janis: like you said, got to be the truth, but that’ll be easier on the phone, I think

Janis: I just needed to get you away and keep you safe

Casey: he can’t fault you for it, all he reckons he’s bothered about

Janis: I don’t care

Janis: I know it’s what I have to do, want to

Janis: we’re not saying if the police come back, we won’t, like

Casey: I should’ve pissed off from hers sooner, not put you in this position in the first place

Janis: you were still trying

Janis: shit idea it might’ve been but you were until she dropped that on you

Casey: I don’t even know how bad she’s hurt, not really

Janis: I know

Janis: there’s no way to find out without the police coming to tell you though, really

Janis: it isn’t as if I could phone her parents up or some shit

Casey: it’s too mixed up in my head, what I did and what I’m remembering seeing him do, I can’t make proper sense of it

Janis: a real headfucker

Casey: exactly

Janis: maybe for now, you’ve got to do what you can to not think about it

Janis: clear your head so you can piece it back together after

Janis: maybe I’m a cunt for reckoning that but idk

Casey: I reckoned it first by coming to you, if anyone’s the cunt here, safest to go with it being me

Janis: I’m glad you did

Janis: you always can

Casey: I wish I had done before, when me and her got to know each other and I knew it’d kick off

Janis: we know why you didn’t

Janis: you were trying to be proper selfless and I would’ve made it about fucking me, like an idiot

Casey: I’d rather that row with you than waiting for this one with her how I did like a twat expecting a bus

Janis: we’re like

Janis: it’s like sparring, someone in your weight class, all the gear on, helping each other get better at it all

Janis: it’s never like a fight with anyone else, where I go too far and immediately feel them get further away

Casey: there isn’t a too far with me, I’ll never turn my back on you however much of a massive bitch you wanna behave like, you have to get it out somewhere, some dickhead has to let you without then making you feel shit for it

Janis: I need you

Casey: we know what we really mean and what’s bollocks, I ain’t scared of you neither

Janis: It’s always so obvious to me, when you’re trying to hurt me and when you’re actually trying to say something real

Janis: It never made sense to me, why people won’t tell the difference

Casey: I don’t care if they don’t, you can

Janis: always

Casey: I love you, I don’t need theirs when it’s not even as good

Janis: I’ve let you down before, but I wanna try and love you better

Casey: I’ll try not to keep blocking you every time you give it your best shot

Janis: stuck with me at this point, ain’t you

Casey: I’ve felt stuck before, but it don’t feel that way right now

Janis: agreed

Casey: we can do this

Janis: we have to, what else can we, I’m not going to stop, you’re important to me

Casey: if there’s owt else it’s drive faster

Janis: I will if you promise you’re gonna let me hug you

Casey: when don’t I

Janis: I don’t mean a one-arm job, proper serious, the works

Casey: you can seriously touch us however you want, how’s that

Janis: far as answers go

Casey: I ain’t hurt, I’d have felt it by now

Janis: I’ll give you a proper look-over but I didn’t really think you would be

Casey: Gutted your sister can’t take the car

Janis: I know, she has her own though, s’mad

Janis: mum will, if I ask, I don’t feel like driving in the direction of home right now, that’s all

Casey: I get it, last place I fancy going back towards myself

Janis: should’ve told you to run

Casey: you wouldn’t be after no proper hug if I had done, that’s why not

Janis: 😆 give a fuck

Janis: s’weird when lads smell all flowery, never done a day of work in their life obvs

Casey: steady on, can’t be going about telling everyone you hate gays

Janis: UGH

Janis: whatever happened to the good old days

Casey: ask Ian, he’ll tell you right where it all went wrong

Janis: ‘course, knows it all, him

Janis: but nobody ever listens 💔

Casey: 💔 I listened to you and never went to his, proper laugh a minute every single time

Janis: be pure buzzing to go get you

Janis: you won’t be gutted for long though, he weren’t gonna get you another dog

Casey: have to remember when it’s my birthday first, wouldn’t he

Janis: mm, and god knows his schedules too packed for that 😑

Casey: only end up with flowery perfume meant for one of her kids anyway and it’d be you gutted

Janis: don’t bear thinking about, mate

Casey: too right, what’s next I grow my hair like a lass’, fuck that even if we’re off on the run

Janis: and I’m too pretty to be a lad so, right back to the dyke rumours there

Casey: I might look a bit like your sister, but still

Janis: you’d be a rough girl, soz

Casey: what you sorry for, that’s a compliment

Casey: no lad who isn’t already bent wants to hear he’d be a fit lass

Janis: didn’t have time to bring costumes, you’re safe

Casey: if there are any lass’ clothes in this car I’m not gonna tell you to put them on

Janis: good thinking

Casey: good job we’re taking yours

Janis: I don’t even wanna ask

Casey: I wouldn’t, mate

Janis: I won’t

Janis: and I wouldn’t wear nothing that could’ve possibly been left in your car, that’s for certain

Casey: you heard, I’d not ask, there’s nowt wrong with your own clothes

Janis: main + I know where they’ve been, like

Casey: thing of the past, that

Janis: fucking in cars?

Janis: mr next door would be way too happy if I still did

Casey: dickhead move of you to deprive him, what else has he got

Janis: mrs next door on the phone to the council every time someone parks in her spot, like

Janis: poor bastard

Casey: Should go leave the car there

Janis: that would make it worth going back there, can’t lie

Casey: sorted then

Casey: anything for your 😁

Janis: don’t go away again

Casey: what, you reckon I’m gonna take the car and leg it instead of parking up next door

Janis: you know how I mean it, boy

Janis: missing you is fucking miserable

Casey: you

Janis: don’t

Casey: don’t leave me

Janis: I won’t leave you

Casey: even if you can only see us inside at visiting and it is fucking miserable, don’t, alright

Janis: Never

Janis: to the point it’ll drive you fucking mad when you wish I would when you’re not miserable and wanna get on

Casey: it’ll send you mad first, I can’t get on without you

Janis: it’s mutual, you have to know that

Casey: as much as I ever feel like I know owt, yeah, I do

Janis: yeah

Janis: it’s enough

Casey: needs to be enough to make you 😁 too, I ain’t waiting til we’re doing her next door’s head in

Janis: try not to have no weird emotional outburst then 🤞

Janis: we are gonna have to stop the cars halfway, I ain’t just following you back without seeing you, regardless of how I act

Casey: love a challenge, you

Casey: and you heard me, I’m not bothered how you act, I ain’t either of them, you can behave how you’ve gotta, not how they need

Janis: be here

Janis: please

Casey: I nearly am, it’s okay

Janis: I’m stopping, come find me, yeah

Casey: one sec, girl

Casey: [and do show up after however long cos you wouldn’t have lied about how close you were just to make her feel better]

Janis: [not even waiting for him to be fully parked up to jump off the bonnet of our car and head towards the driver’s side of his because we are hugging you so dramatically the second we can]

Casey: [it’s fine, he will leave this car running and open to hug her back as dramatically, no fuck’s are given]

Janis: [going between are you okay and you’re okay as frantically because both and we can’t differentiate when we’re relying on you to keep us upright because of how hard we’re putting our whole self into this embrace rn]

Casey: [get you a man who can always keep you upright even when he’s feeling all the emotions and frankly shouldn’t even be able to stand himself, could not be holding her tighter atm, she’s going nowhere]

Janis: [eventually giving enough distance between your upper bodies to be able to look at him and give him the smile he wants even though we all know you are THAT close to tears with it too ‘It’s you’]

Casey: [soz not soz that I’ve gotta do his wiping away tears even though she’s not thing he always does in the future for potentially the first time ever and it’s gonna hit different because she almost is ‘It’s okay’ again because emphasis and feels ‘I’m here’]

Janis: [duck your head a little and do a mini laugh as you pull his hand away and keep hold of it because you know that could tip you into full crying so you’re like hey, touch his face in the same place though and look back up ‘come here’ as if you can get any closer than you are and make an attempt to]

Casey: [‘you come here’ and pulling her closer somehow because he is that bitch and the whole point is no, cry if you need to, he’s not Jimothy so you don’t have to worry he’ll cry and you then have to do the comforting]

Janis: [making some attempts at moving but you don’t really know where to go because you’re overwhelmed ‘car’ like you move us because I am unable to but also I don’t wanna be crying on the side of the road when we can have the privacy of the car, despite the fact no one is passing we still feel exposed here]

Casey: [when he just fully carries her, again blatantly for the first time ever]

Janis: [when you’re gonna have to just do loads of quick kisses on his face because you can’t not but it’s as close to composure as you can maintain soz about it]

Casey: [lads we’re not holding you to anything you do right here right now, it’s the same rules as being drunk, you’re both hardcore overwhelmed, putting her in this car more tenderly than he’s ever done anything]

Janis: [as gently pulling you into this car as if you were just going to stand outside awkwardly without our assistance ‘I missed you every day’]

Casey: [‘that’s over now’ cos he thinks it is, does not know about the baby Jac storm coming, just rubbing her back, again as if she’s fully sobbing even though she isn’t]

Janis: [a noise of frustration because your instinct is to hold back your tears and it hurts ‘you’re gonna make me’ pouting at him, stroking his own lips]

Casey: [‘yeah’ soft but insistent like too right I am honey because we know it hurts and you need to ‘do it, there’s only us about’ obvs stroking her hair now as well just because but haven’t stopped rubbing her back with the other]

Janis: [biting our lip and grabbing his legs to steady ourself when the tears start falling fast and hard ‘fuck, Case’]

Casey: [even less than 0 fucks given that he would just pull her into him and hold her like she’s a tiny Clove because she’s crying, letting her face be against his chest]

Janis: [just having a proper sob and making the most indecent noises about it because the relief cannot be overstated ‘I hear your heart’ and tapping out the rhythm on his arm]

Casey: [letting her and doing nothing but holding her through it because nobody ever allows her to properly sob, including herself ‘it’s slowed down’ don’t need to elaborate that it’s because y’all are together, that’s a given]

Janis: [letting us listen to it calm us down once we reach our crying peak, slowing our own breathing back down as well as our heartbeat, doing a big shaky breath ‘I love you’]

Casey: [likewise letting her, only cleaning her up when she’s said ILY because that’s an I love you too and we know he would, he doesn’t care about way more gross things than blood or snot and his t-shirt or whatever he’s wearing rn would be covered in it already because of how her face was]

Janis: [cupping his face after he’s cleaned ours, scanning it with our eyes how we do ‘how are you?’]

Casey: [‘I don’t know’ because true, he’s gone from having the worst day to being with her and having this moment as well as the chat they had before it which has turned it into a much better day ‘you?’]

Janis: [the ‘that’s okay’ coming so naturally because it is and beyond understandable for both of us but you especially boy, doing a little laugh like is it not obvious ‘you made it better’]

Casey: [when you gotta smile because okay everything is shit but she’s said he made something better which is all he ever wants]

Janis: [tracing said smile over and over so it tickles, then pulling his head to your shoulder and stroking the back of his head ‘I’m sorry’ soothingly like I know how fucked of a day you have had]

Casey: [‘Don’t worry, you look right fit, still’ as if that’s why she’s sorry and that’s why she doesn’t cry because she’s the kind of girl who thinks she’s an ugly crier, cos if he doesn’t turn it into bants he’ll simply die at the almost maternal level of comfort that was and that he’s never been given]

Janis: [‘thank fuck, I can do it more often’ with the same bants energy despite not having let you go from our hold, because we know that was something else for you girl]

Casey: [‘you’ll know where I am’ cos not leaving you as we said earlier so any time you wanna sob lol]

Janis: [squeezing you tighter ‘where I am’ said in the jokey tone of never letting you any further than this from me]

Casey: [a nod that’s like yeah 10000% serious but could be a bants get off style gesture also with how y’all are positioned]

Janis: [however we’re making it sound we ain’t going, baby and you know it ‘can go to sleep’]

Casey: [‘might get arrested’ for the pure bants lol lol]

Janis: [giving his hair a little pull but in a comforting pressure sort of way like hey, I’m here ‘and the beds are very uncomfortable, apparently, so use me as a pillow whilst you still can’]

Casey: [the way this boy can’t resist a hot move, shamelessly just pushing her down so they are lying more like that isn’t dangerous]

Janis: [‘get comfortable’ like we aren’t 😳]

Casey: [is and that’s via titty time like I always do, not soz about it]

Janis: [giving you a forehead kiss before settling down fully ‘good’]

Casey: [it’s the pretending the sound he made is only a settling down sleepy vibes happy sigh when it clearly isn’t for me]

Janis: [we all know the energy is this car is intense right now ‘can you hear my heart?’ like it’ll help you like it did me]

Casey: [‘it’s faster than mine was’ not him knowing exactly why that is though because his is beating harder now for the same reason]

Janis: [‘i’m sorry’ when the baby is on the tip of your tongue because that’s the exact tone we’re using]

Casey: [‘are you?’ as if it’s a purely saucy oh I don’t think you’re sorry at all kind of tone and vibe but underneath that we’re always gonna be a bit genuinely scared that you are regretting all of this during this era]

Janis: [shaking our head as smally as we can, so you may feel it, may not because no, we aren’t ‘we’ll both feel better soon’]

Casey: [deliberately vigorously nodding so she can feel it like a nerd as if that’s not dangerously close to motorboating territory in this position haha]

Janis: [‘you’re silly’ like the 😍 isn’t in our amused tone]

Casey: [‘go to sleep’ while he messes around deliberately taking ages to get comfy again, again we see what you’re doing with all that moving sir, as if she’s the one messing about and he’s so annoyed about it]

Janis: [pretending the lil gasp we do is an omg cheek one ‘fussy’ and hooking one of your legs over one of his like you stop moving sir but we’re just pushing against you]

Casey: [‘sorry’ with the same energy she said it not long ago and more because too into it]

Janis: [positioning ourselves between your legs in a half spoon half titty time energy to do the most ‘that’s better, isn’t it’]

Casey: [‘the best, ‘cause that’s the kind of mate you are’ his voice indecent rn cos he’s trying not to moan]

Janis: [‘all I want is to make you happy’ you know we sound the same, making the tiniest movements like this is all so tenuous and we refuse to let it get fucked up]

Casey: [‘it’s mutual’ moving too for emphasis he absolutely does not need to provide]

Janis: [‘you’re the best friend I’ve ever had’ making sure our movement is meeting his instead of matching it for ultimate frustration]

Casey: [‘you’ because it’s the only acceptable response always but also thankfully short cos we all know he can barely say it and have it sound anything like a word]

Janis: [just carry on doing what you’re doing here, humming like you’re getting him to sleep but you’re just doing anything to fully not moan with no pretense]

Casey: [likewise acting like we’re out here stroking her hair in a shh go to sleep manner but we’re actually pulling it because DYING]

Janis: [‘get it all out’ with the energy of his do it, like do what you have to right now]

Casey: [when that’s all you need to hear to just go all in with this so manoeuvring this gal so he can kiss her REALLY hard cos we’re going there this time huns]

Janis: [there is not but a second of hesitation here lads because we knew it could lead here and thus we were ready and willing because you have to be when you’re playing with fire like this and we’ve not lied about a single thing we have said here or ever, this moment is only so overwhelming because of all the things we do feel for you, still, the shock that something this concrete and real is happening would send us in the best way, kissing you like we have wanted to for so long and never have until now]

Casey: [hard same, there’s clearly no hesitation on his part either because y’all don’t use protection and he’s usually paranoid AF about that, literally all the proof we need that we’re as overwhelmed and shocked and in love, at least you can and will moan as much as you want during this makeout instead of trying to do everything you can not to]

Janis: [just out here doing the most to make that happen like it’s magical and we need to]

Casey: [doing the most in every way rn because there’s no pretense anymore that he’s not just actually dry humping the hell out of you during this v intense and neverending makeout sesh, at least until he isn’t gonna be and y’all are blatantly just gonna be hooking up, but for now anyway lol]

Janis: [never been more thrilled your mother lives in the middle of nowhere because there is no stopping this and we’re not getting arrested for this after all our genuinely thinking that’s where he’s going when we eventually do get caught]

Casey: [god imagine, especially because you actually aren’t getting arrested for whatever reason, that gal must’ve talked her parents down from calling the police, don’t literally need a police car cockblock rn when we’ve decided we’re doing this]

Janis: [not saying we’re giving you a goodbye here ‘cos you know damn well we’d visit, even though I bet you wouldn’t get time anyway, but we’re giving this all the energy it deserves]

Casey: [likewise not saying that’s the reason y’all are doing it because we know damn well it isn’t and that it would’ve been this intense regardless cos of how long you’ve both wanted to, but we’re all well aware what he’s like with goodbyes, so yeah, 1000% also giving it all his energy]

Janis: [hence I’m gonna say we’re the one that’s taking down whatever we’ve got on our bottom half right now, like you don’t have to stop at this point, or any point, I know what you wanna do and I wanna do it too]

Casey: [I actually love that for y’all and this moment so much, and again, that’s what he needs to be told to go all in with no hesitation at all so he will, god bless the middle of nowhere, truly, the literal only time he’s gonna have stopped kissing her for a single second is that second when he enters her so they can get the full sound effects of each other’s reaction not at all muffled]

Janis: [and what a reaction it is gonna be, when you need to STARE into his eyes but also yours are trying to roll to the back of your head casually, malfunctioning because you simultaneously have been waiting for this forever but also never thought it would happen for yous ‘fuck!’ with all the feeling in the world, casually so loud in this car but you’re breathing so hard and your heart is thudding out so it doesn’t even feel it]

Casey: [when you take what she said as an instruction and are REALLY going for it just immediately because we’re with you on all of it gal, he’s wanted this for a decade and never thought it would ever actually happen, as well as the fact as we know he’s yet to have unprotected sex before so there’s that heightening everything that would already feel incredible because it’s her and it is finally and genuinely happening, not just him using another girl and thinking about Janis or dreaming this is occurring, which I’m sure you both have, many times by this point, saying her name as loud and with all the feeling for all those reasons when he can get it out with all his extra moaning and breathing]

Janis: [saying your name on every thrust as if it’s all that’s inside us and is being forced out and finally expressed, moving your position now there’s no pretense that you’re keeping any kind of distance so you could not be closer and deeper, pressing your forehead against his]

Casey: [the forehead thing is a signature them move and has gotta be done always, obvs he’s saying ILY before kissing her so intensely again because gotta make sure that cannot be deeper either ofc]

Janis: [just hold onto the handles in this car so you’re pressed up against the window and there’s literal resistance pushing you back into him as hard because the energy is we cannot get enough or be any distance from you right now, opening your eyes when he says ILY despite the fact you’re now making out and that’s somewhat intense because it is and we are so we don’t care]

Casey: [y’all have always been feral and we’ve always loved it about you, me here like what could you do boy to keep up the intense vibes haha]

Janis: [my boo says what’s slightly unhinged, we all know your vibes]

Casey: [trying to remember what you’ve done in what we’ve written before that I can shamelessly steal for now but idk why I can’t remember literally anything that’s ever happened appaz]

Janis: [my boo will have to do a cheeky reread]

Casey: [Winnie says I have to do a throat thing so she in turn can do the biting his adam’s apple thing because he says that was iconic and a fave, so probably holding her by the throat to try and bring her impossibly closer energy, whether he was intending to do a hair pull to do it and that happened instead or it was deliberate from the off, who can say, but regardless, yeah, that and probably also the breathing into each other’s mouths thing y’all love while we’re at it]

Janis: [well done ideas bear, that is exactly the mood, being so insanely into it you’re close to/straight up injuring each other with it because lord knows if you aren’t getting every frustration out you aren’t doing it right and you just aren’t JC]

Casey: [thank god that happened at the hospital when it happened in the au so I didn’t have to skim read literally every bracket we’ve done looking for saucy antics when I know damn well loads of it is bump or breast milk based and thus not for rn, cos yeah, the exact mood, nobody can blame y’all for doing too much all things considered]

Janis: [soz your pregnancy fetish cannot be unleashed right now but just y’all wait honeys lmao, big storm coming]

Casey: [can steal so much stuff then cos I’m still skim reading stuff and it’s blatant how hardcore y’all are into that kink cos it’s all there is lol, how soon is she gonna tell Jimothy about this affair? Like can I bring blatant lovebites into this asap or do I need to bring back the sneaky hip ones first for the secrecy?]

Janis: [my boo says we get it lmao, well done for not having a million kids just ‘cos guys, honestly; as for right now, you can say you’re feral enough it happens because I’d believe it and if that is the case, you’ll just have to won’t you, the fact you run away basically is enough so yeah, whatever happens you’re likely gonna tell him or what do you think you’re doing]

Casey: [can’t just stay away until the bruises fade lads, gotta take sweet Chubby home, at least you can go feral then, starting with a throat one obvs or who is he, but they’ll blatantly then be all over her neck and collarbones too, just everywhere once he starts]

Janis: [exactly, and we’ve fully done it now and we’re just a rip the plaster off type bitch as we all know, so I see no chance of you being like okay anyway love you Jimothy let’s do this baby thing no notes, we could not; even if we are absolutely losing it in the good way over you marking us that hard right now, lowkey playing simon says and copying him on his own skin because can’t not be playful and competitive, thinking up different spots you can reach before he does]

Casey: [that’s what I thought, knowing her as I do, but I thought I’d better check before I was all LOVEBITES, LOVEBITES EVERYWHERE, it do really make me cackle though cos during my skim read so much of it that wasn’t their baby kink was him trying not to leave marks and having to be creative with it and we really said NOPE not this time, y’all love being competitive and copying each other so much though so it’s a big yep, as is some of the positions you’re getting in to do some of them, I’m sure]

Janis: [car sex is already notorious for being ridiculous because of the ways you have to bend your body and lowkey just deal with being uncomfortable but never have two people cared less, just adding to the urgency that we are not remotely trying to get off the side of this road or to anywhere more comfortable, nope, this all needs to happen here and now]

Casey: [it’s too legit and I have no regrets remotely, just like you pair]

Janis: [unrepentant entirely in this moment and I can’t judge y’all, like to think y’all accidentally push/pull the chair so it suddenly reclines all the way down and you lowkey fall, fully laughing/moaning into your mouth rn boy because the way we fell onto you was it tbh]

Casey: [well done boo, that perfectly fits the vibe and now this seat has reclined y’all get to be even more feral than you were, so you’re welcome, sucking and biting her tongue and lips ridiculously because so into the laugh/moan into his mouth there]

Janis: [got more room to sit up fully, pushing him down so he’s laying fully and can look at you properly, if you’ve got your top/bra/both still on, taking them off, lucky for you I’m saying the police do not come by, miss ‘you’ with EYE CONTACT because we have to say it exactly how he did earlier]

Casey: [never gonna say no to even more skin he can do the most with touching, kissing and biting, so fuck the police, he’s doing exactly that and there’s no stopping him ‘you’re so fucking-’ you’re jeans, but like honestly cannot be overstated the effort to even speak at all when he’s going this hard with all that exposed skin, nevermind the trusting and the EYE CONTACT and the like]

Janis: [‘Casey, I love you’ with the urgency and fervor like you haven’t been saying his name and ILY with reckless abandon whenever you could and had to, like you simply must know NOW]

Casey: [saying ILY back + whatever he accidentally called her during the blanket snatching playfight, so deliberately, because she simply MUST know he meant it then and he means it now]

Janis: [going in with how we’ve entirely taken control of the movement right now, alternating between being painfully slow, working round one way, then back, to going so hard that you’re both gonna be bruised and the slapping sound would only be broken up by the noises we’re making because 1. The reminder killed us but 2. It reminded us of this girl and we’re furious about the whole situation and we must without a shadow of a doubt show we’re so much better thank you]

Casey: [the sounds this boy would also be making you ain’t never heard the like of and he’s made sure you’ve overheard some shit in the last decade, be scaring the cows and whatever else is out in the middle of nowhere]

Janis: [like it’s not an insecurity thing, it’s a jealousy, yes, but most importantly and mainly a for your own good boy, don’t ever think about that bitch again thing; ‘cos we been knew it’s mutual how unlike anything else you’ve had before this is and that we’re both living and dying in this moment together]

Casey: [that’s the tea and hence I’m not having him say anything about how much more he wants her or whatever even though he knows you probably did think of this gal and what you’re doing cos we know too it’s not coming from an insecure place and it’s blatant that this is unreal and also that even if it wasn’t happening rn Janis is always gonna be who he wants]

Janis: [simply could never be us, unless you actually genuinely ended up feeling more in love with and or attracted to anyone, which we know hadn’t happened with this girl, we’re not jealous of these girls for who they are, purely ‘cos they got to be with you like this and we could not and that’s on that; anyway, using your own throat hold moment for the first time to pull him closer to you again so you can kiss because it’s been what, 5 minutes, and we can’t have that]

Casey: [no other basic bitch could ever use his fave move back on him like that is why y’all are fated and they’re nothing to him sis, could not be fucking her any harder in response without actually causing you an injury and it’s truly a miracle she has any hair left on her head the way he’s pulling it as he kisses her back despite the fact you can get literally no closer]

Janis: [still holding you by the throat as we are kissing, feeling all the noises that we’re muffling, only breaking apart when we’re cumming so you get to hear every noise that comes with it, holding onto him like you might actually pass away if you don’t keep this tight a grip]

Casey: [soz but you have to also hold her throat for a bit until you wanna hear that for the mirroring and just because it’s iconic and sir you gotta also cum because she does and the effect it would then have on you, I don’t make the rules]

Janis: [the way you’re putting your other hand on top of his to make him press harder, actually going to pass out]

Casey: [you can do it gal, like the crying you’re safe with him]

Janis: [it’s not like you’d be out for long but enough that your 😍 are even realer when you do at least recover from that small fraction of what y’all just did and experienced]

Casey: [there truly isn’t enough recovery time in the world for all that, but while you’re also giving heart eyes just so gently stroking her throat like gotta comfort you now]

Janis: [aftercare is equally as important to y’all, we know you’re both exhausted in every sense now too, so the sleepy heart eyes are MELTING us, lightly pressing on different lovebites, giving the ones in easy reach currently little kisses]

Casey: [likewise, the softest kisses anywhere we can see a mark has been left because it’s so important to him that he only ever hurts you in a way you’ll like, but special attention to that first ever throat love bite, of course, not as little as the other kisses, lingering for longer but obvs still as gentle]

Janis: [doing the smallest but most pure happy sigh because our voice is lowkey recovering too right now but we can’t let that go without reaction literally, really gently rolling back over so you’re laid down too and we can do titty time for you again sir, how we started]

Casey: [before she lays down and they get comfy back how they started, oh so gently cupping her face and scanning her with his heart eyes exactly the way she did earlier when he’d wiped her tears and snot and she asked how he was, cos clearly your voice is lowkey too gone to ask even for the bants, getting a happy sigh from him when you’re in your lying titty time position]

Janis: [you’d get the realest 😁 with 0 pretenses of just doing it because he’s looking like we actually cannot help it right here and now, stroking his hair again once we’re lying side by side]

Casey: [boy, I am gonna need to you kiss her hair/top of her head the way you always do, soz but it’s just necessary]

Janis: [there’s no other logical next step, honestly, is a must ‘kiss it better’ when your voice is hoarse, but happy, like yeah, you were really pulling my hair but we’re in a blissed out bubble remembering this and it’s blatant]

Casey: [so many kisses happening when she says that as if he can kiss each individual hair better]

Janis: [we’re just giggling here but eventually smoothing our hair out of his way and pulling him back down so his face is level with ours again instead of all our hair and pointing at our swollen lips like kiss here please]

Casey: [do obvs and those kisses shall be as soft as the ones earlier were intense and deep]

Janis: [just enjoying this sweet af vibe, somehow almost dying as much from it though because it’s SO loving and intimate but we are trying not to get worked up again that quick so we don’t kill ourselves with it]

Casey: [yeah, like don’t get me wrong the urgency and passion and love of that hookup was undeniably iconic and I’ll never say it wasn’t EVERYTHING but this would be your true undoing, especially his because it is so intimate and loving and he’s never had that with anyone, defs not the random gals and not the gf on the scene for a hot sec, plus there would be very much be a part of him that would be expecting her to be like !! okay we couldn’t help that but it was a mistake and let’s now stop and that isn’t happening so truly dying]

Janis: [we know you were both a little scared the other one would be like lol sike, that was just me wanting to bang you and now I’m out, because how could you not be scared when you’re risking so much that it isn’t actually what you both want it to be and think it is, but thank god neither of you is that cunt so that is happening to neither of you because could not handle it thank you; just know we’re putting our ear to your chest again and listening to your heartbeat, which is probably still insane but slowing by the second and then we’re going to give you a lingering but very gentle kiss over said heart rn]

Casey: [just know if his shit father hadn’t made him incapable of crying he would be at that gesture, blinking so hard because his eyes are burning with how much he would if he could rn, doing a ‘I-’ how I always did in the OG because I can]

Janis: [doing his own tear-wiping gesture to him because we definitely know this about you, and have clearly not seen you cry this whole time ‘I know’ about everything you could ever say there, honestly, laying back down on his chest and looking up at him]

Casey: [when his chest would be hurting too from the not crying but having her there makes it better, I’m fine, not emosh as hell myself rn AT ALL, just trying to let her know that with his eyes cos can’t verbalise it rn]

Janis: [just nodding, and very soothingly rubbing his shoulders and the muscles on his chest, turning away ‘if I don’t look at you, can you?’ quietly and not with any sort of YOU MUST energy but genuine would that help or not vibes]

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

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Prompt: Wei Wuxian has achieved time travel! He's gonna fix so many broken things. Unfortunately, WWX has miscalculated a teensy tiny variable and instead of arriving in his original 15yo body in Lotus Pier, he's crash landed in MXY's tiny 7~8yo body at Mo Manor. But no problem, he can fix this if he can just find his real body. (Meanwhile, Yunmeng Jiang's head disciple is acting the wrong kind of childish, aka, Mo Xuanyu is having the weirdest day of his young life.)

Switcheroo - ao3

Mo Xuanyu thought that this Wei Wuxian person whose body he’d stolen must have been a really interesting person, mostly because he’d been here for three days so far and nobody’d noticed the switch yet.

Possibly it had to do with the fact that Mo Xuanyu still wasn’t exactly sure how he’d stolen the body – he’d just gone to sleep in the shed, same as always, and then he’d woken up in the softest bed he’d ever encountered in his life…no, softer than even his dreams! He’d thought it over and concluded that he must have died from cold out in the shed, turned into a fierce ghost out of resentment, grown powerful (somehow), then stolen some rich young master’s body when they weren’t paying close enough attention and, once he’d possessed the body, promptly lost all his memory of being a ghost.

It seemed like the only logical course of events.

He was very sorry about it, though. Wei Wuxian seemed like a nice, if very unusual person.

The first day, Mo Xuanyu had barely even noticed the body-switch, being quite so enamored of the soft bed he was in – he’d refused to get out of bed at all, declaring that he was going to lie in and sleep for a century or more, and the people who’d come to the door to get him didn’t beat him or anything over it, but rather just laughed or rolled their eyes and then left him to it. Luckily, at the time, he’d just assumed he was dead or something and proceeded to ignore everything in favor of napping.

He only acknowledged that he was alive later in the afternoon, when his stomach started growling – it seemed like a very unlikely thing for a dead man’s stomach to do.

Mo Xuanyu had by that point figured out that he wasn’t himself anymore, which was fine since he didn’t much like himself; he’d also figured out, through looking himself over, that he was old now. At least fifteen or sixteen, which was twice the age he last remembered himself being. That was fine, too, though: being older meant that he was stronger and faster and would be better able to handle it when people wanted to beat him or something. Most importantly, though, it meant he was old enough to enter the kitchen on his own!

Mo Xuanyu already knew that he wasn’t allowed to eat at the main table, being only the bastard son of the younger daughter, and the cook back at home was a fierce woman who didn’t allow anyone under the age of ten into her kitchen; as a result, he had to wait for his mother to bring him back some food, and it was always cold and not quite enough. Now, though, since he was older, he figured he might as well try to go to the kitchen and fill his belly that way.

Luckily, while his current body’s house was much bigger than the Mo house, all houses were generally built along the same lines, so it wasn’t hard to find the kitchen. Everyone there laughed when he showed up, even though he’d tried to be very quiet and sneak in and then screwed it up by tripping over his own feet – it seemed like everyone thought he was doing it on purpose to be funny – and then the cooks gave him a meal of his own that was hot and fresh and wonderful.

He'd wolfed it down.

“Honestly, Wei Wuxian, you eat like a hungry ghost, you’d think the Jiang clan starves you,” one of them scolded him, but with a smile, and from that Mo Xuanyu learned that the rich young master was called Wei Wuxian and that he lived with the Jiang clan. The different surnames confused him a little, but he didn’t dare ask any questions about it, so he just stuffed his mouth and pretended that was the reason he couldn’t answer.

No one questioned it.

No one questioned it when he went wandering all around instead of doing whatever chores or duties he’d been assigned, either. Someone had actually seen him hovering by a door and asked him to bring back a pheasant when he returned, so out of lack of better options he’d headed outside to try to go find one.

He had a pretty good time walking around the forest, then remembered what he’d been asked and chased the pheasants for a while, without success . Fortunately, he then got lucky and stumbled over an old snare that had three pheasants caught inside, so he’d picked up the whole box and carted it back home.

“Three,” one of the boys in purple-blue marveled as he saw Mo Xuanyu walking towards the kitchen. “You know, people say that the birds around the Lotus Pier have gotten too smart to be caught easily, but look at our da-shixiong; he makes it look easy!”

From this, Mo Xuanyu could figure out that Wei Wuxian was (apparently!) part of a cultivator clan, apparently located at a place called the Lotus Pier, and that he was the oldest or at least head disciple, to boot. He knew all about cultivator clans from his mother, since apparently his father had been a sect leader, and that meant he knew enough to call the other boy ‘shidi’ as he passed, making the other boy beam happily.

It also meant that when he chanced a guess and called the young woman in a pretty pink dress who waved at him ‘shijie’, she smiled and nodded, which meant to him that he’d done the right thing.

“I heard you slept even more of the morning away than usual,” she told him, but didn’t seem too upset about it. “I bet that means you’ll be skipping dinner and staying up all night, hmm?”

Mo Xuanyu had no intention of skipping dinner if it was anything like what the kitchens had given him earlier, actually, but while he was still trying to figure out a way to say that, she said, leaning in close to whisper, “It’s probably a good idea, anyway – Mother and Father are fighting again. Just go to the kitchens to grab something…I promise I’ll make it up to you with some soup tomorrow, pork ribs and lotus roots, your favorite. All right?”

“Shijie, you’re the best,” Mo Xuanyu said effusively, willing to die for her at once, and she laughed and tousled his hair.

“I am,” she said, looking happy. “And if my little A-Xian stays good and obedient, I may even feed him.”

She did, too, the next day when he finally tore himself out of the beautiful wonderful soft bed and went to go find her. She’d made him soup, just as he’d promised, and laughed and laughed for some reason: apparently, she interpreted him being quiet and not talking too much as his efforts to be ‘good and obedient’, which was apparently so out of the ordinary as to be a deliberate joke.

From this, Mo Xuanyu concluded that the young master he’d possessed, Wei Wuxian, was a jackass.

Well, perhaps that was a bit harsh. Arrogant and self-centered, talented and brave and probably brilliant, definitely charming and maybe even kind, but also spoiled and inclined to step on other people to get where he wanted to go, if Mo Xuanyu had to guess – why else would everyone constantly react as if him not being obnoxious was the world’s biggest stunt?

No one seemed to expect anything of him at all: he didn’t do any chores, and no one batted an eyelid; he didn’t go where he was told, and everyone just sighed…at one point the sect leader himself came and patted him on the head, scolding him in a joking tone that he hadn’t seen him leading any of the training the way he was supposed to – but when Mo Xuanyu quailed, he’d burst out laughing, telling ‘Wei Wuxian’ to stop pretending to be a scared little rabbit, that it was fine if he’d gotten distracted by some clever new invention or whatever, that someone else would handle it, that he should take as long as he needed.

Mo Xuanyu had pasted a great big smile on his face through force of effort and agreed cheerfully.

The sect leader had accepted it.

Probably a jackass, but clearly a beloved one, Mo Xuanyu thought to himself as he packed up clothing and a few small treasures that no one would miss, a little wistful. The scare of the whole encounter had put things in perspective – he wasn’t going to be able to keep up this sort of façade for long. In fact, he was shocked he’d managed it so long already; surely, no matter how many pranks this Wei Wuxian played, no matter how childishly he behaved, surely someone should’ve noticed that he was actually an eight-year-old masquerading as a sixteen-year-old?

Mo Xuanyu couldn’t decide whether it was sad that no one paid too much attention or something that this Wei Wuxian fellow had brought down on his own head by being so consistently annoying.

Either way, there was nothing for it – he was going to have to leave.

Now that part was really sad: he’d never in his life had such good food, or such a soft bed, or even so many people that just seemed plain old happy to see him as since he’d arrived in this place. But he wasn’t the one all those things were for; he was just a sad ghost possessing a person, and if he stayed, the cultivators would eventually figure out something was wrong and exorcise him.

Probably violently.

Mo Xuanyu probably deserved it, too, but despite that he wasn’t willing.

So he packed up what he could and headed out.

He got all the way to the gate before a new purple-clad disciple – about his age, if he had to guess, and holding a pack like he’d just come back from a trip, with a scowl on his face – called out for Wei Wuxian.

Mo Xuanyu waved a little, hoping that that would be enough.

For the first time, it wasn’t.

The boy’s face settled into an even deeper scowl.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” he demanded. “Wei Wuxian! You’re acting all weird – hey! Where are you going?”

Mo Xuanyu was running away, obviously. He wasn’t about to get tied up and exorcised, no thank you.

He didn’t think he’d make it, but it was still worth trying.

Sure enough, the purple-clad boy who was probably called Jiang Cheng, based on what everyone was calling out as they ran by, got tired of running and jumped on his sword, and there was no way Mo Xuanyu would be able to outrun a sword, not even if he tried as fast as he –

Someone picked him up.

It wasn’t Jiang Cheng.

Mo Xuanyu turned his head and stared.

It must be some sort of yao, he thought. Humans were definitely not that pretty.

“Lan Wangji!” Jiang Cheng howled. “What are you even doing in the Lotus Pier?! Put my shixiong down!”

The rescuer, Lan Wangji, frowned a little at Mo Xuanyu.

Mo Xuanyu didn’t know exactly what expression he ought to be making in return, and was a bit too dazed to even dare to guess. He’d just noticed that they were flying – flying! on a sword! – and he was clutching onto this Lan Wangji’s shoulders for dear life.

“You are not Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said. His voice sounded very definitive.

“Uh,” Mo Xuanyu said. “Sorry? Please don’t drop me.”

“I will not. What is your name?”

“Mo Xuanyu,” Mo Xuanyu admitted, and Lan Wangji’s eyes widened as if that meant something to him – except it couldn’t, of course, because Mo Xuanyu was sure he’d never met anyone even remotely like this Lan Wangji fellow in his life. “I don’t remember taking his body. I’m sorry. Can you not exorcise me? I don’t want to die.”

Lan Wangji was silent for a long moment.

He was still flying very fast, and Jiang Cheng was still following, shouting out curses and demands that he stop, not that Lan Wangji was listening.

“There will be no exorcism,” he finally said, and Mo Xuanyu exhaled in relief. “We will, however, fix this.”

“…we?”

“Wei Ying and myself.”

Mo Xuanyu nodded. That sounded more likely than anyone relying on his participation.

“Where are we going?” he asked. Jiang Cheng was falling further and further behind.

“Mo Village.”

Mo Xuanyu tensed up at once.

“You will not be left there,” Lan Wangji clarified, and – how did he know that Mo Xuanyu didn’t want to be left there? “But we must collect Wei Ying, who I suspect is currently in your body.”

“In my…I’m still alive?”

Lan Wangji was quiet again, and then said, “Yes. And you will remain so.”

That was reassuring, mostly.

“Okay,” Mo Xuanyu said, and found that he mostly felt relieved. He’d be very happy to have his normal body back again, if possible, especially if he didn’t have to stay in Mo Village…“Wait, if I don’t have to stay there, where will I go? I don’t have anywhere else to go, unless my father comes back for me. He's a sect leader –”

“He will not, and even if he did, you should not go with him. Once Wei Ying returns to his body, you will be able to stay at the Lotus Pier. If you do not wish to stay there, I will bring you back to the Cloud Recesses – that is my home – instead.”

“Oh,” Mo Xuanyu said, feeling bewildered. That was an awfully nice offer, even if Lan Wangji was feeling guilty about Wei Wuxian stealing his body by accident – which seemed like what had happened here rather than Mo Xuanyu being the one who did the stealing. Maybe he should go with Lan Wangji instead, he seemed much more responsible than Wei Wuxian was, rushing over to rescue him and explain things instead of throwing him into a body and leaving him all alone in a strange place. But on the other hand… “Is the Cloud Recesses…I mean…no offense, but…does it have…”

“Yes?”

“Does it have soft beds, too? And – and hot food?”

Mo Xuanyu didn’t need much, not really. He looked eagerly at Lan Wangji, who had an odd expression on his face briefly before wiping it back to neutral and nodding in confirmation.

“Okay,” Mo Xuanyu said, and curled up in Lan Wangji’s arms. “Then I’ll stay with you. You can take care of me.”

“I will,” Lan Wangji said, sounding strangely serious. “In return for the gift you last gave me – I will.”

#mdzs #mo xuanyu #jiang cheng #lan wangji #my fic #my fics #switcheroo

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rebeccccccaaa · 3 years

Text

ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛ _____________________

ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ’s!ʙᴇsᴛ!ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ!ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs ᴀᴜ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: You and Buck have always been close growing up but you two soon learn that the line that separates friendly and flirting is a lot thinner than you think.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: fluff, slight angst bc u got a shit bf, big bro vibes from bucky, smut duh [18+ minors dni (slight praise but also slight degradation, marking, belly bulge, squirting, fem!rec oral, unprotected sex, plz be safe irl, slight choking, pet names: darling&princess, i think that’s it lmk plz)]

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: hey assholes i'm back for the time being lol. I have a few ideas and fics I'm currently writing right now so do not fret.

______________________________________

You knew this was a horrible idea.

It’s Saturday night and you and your boyfriend were back in another night club after being kicked out from one just hours before. Daniel had gotten too drunk, as he always does, causing you to kindly ask the bartender to cut him off. Daniel didn’t take that too lightly resulting in a gnarly swing at the poor guy just doing his job.

Security threw you out and Daniel called an Uber to go where you thought was going to be your apartment but twenty minutes later you pulled up to another club practically on the other side of town. You yelled at Daniel but he pushed aside stumbling inside for yet even more drinks and mistakes waiting for him inside.

You sat at the bar simply drinking some water and snacking on some peanuts keeping your eye on your garbage boyfriend. You're constantly checking the time on your phone, annoyed with every passing minute. It was 2 am and you just wanted to go home and sleep. You were even debating texting your brother Steve hoping you could just crash at his place not too far from where you were but it would be incredibly irresponsible to just leave Daniel in the state he’s in.

So you waited and waited and waited. Your eyelids felt heavy and your energy was just completely drained. You were basically a zombie. It wasn’t until a guy approached your half asleep body that you felt a sense of alert. Daniel was shit-faced so you were practically defenseless.

“Hey,” the guy shouted over the music.

“Sorry, I’m not interested. My boyfriend’s-” you quickly said, only to be cut off.

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna hit on you. I’ve got a boyfriend of my own,” he chuckled, making you breathe out in relief.

“Sorry,” you cringed at yourself.

“It’s alright; but uh, I hate to be the one to tell you this. You might want to check with your boyfriend,” he said sympathetically.

You pushed your way through the crowd scanning every face in search of Daniel. What did he do? Is he hurt? Did he get in trouble again? Is he getting arrested? Where is he-

“Daniel?” you said eyes tearing up a bit.

His arms were wrapped around another girl’s waist as he kissed her the way he kissed you. She practically moaned as their tongues slobbered disgustingly with each other. Their hips grinding against each other proactively as if you weren’t even there. Sadness turned to anger, and anger turned to rage, gripping Daniel’s short hairs and pulling his head away from whoever this girl was.

“What the fuck?” the girl complained, her eyes completely bloodshot.

“Did he tell you that he was here with his girlfriend tonight?” you're sad with gritted teeth. Daniel stumbled around still unable to register what the hell was happening.

“Oh my god, you forreal?” she said.

“Who fucking cares? She’s a prude anyway. I got more action with you than I did her in the past, what, six months?” Daniel slurred.

“You know what, you’re a fucking prick, dude. She deserves so much better than you; I bet your dick is small anyway,” the girl said.

“Fuck you too bitch,” Daniel spit.

“I can’t believe you,” you said.

“Oh, whoop-dee-doo, big fucking surprise. Babe, you’re a prude. Can’t you see it? I don’t know why I’m wasting my time with you anymore,” he practically puked out the words without any second thought.

“Fine, then I hope you enjoy the rest of your night, you fucking asshole,” you stormed away holding in the tears; he wasn’t worth it.

Almost three am and you just dumped your cheating lowlife boyfriend on the other side of town. Steve wasn’t answering his phone and you even wanna be near the club anymore. Walking speedily staring at your screen desperate to call an Uber home, you bumped harshly into a hard chest falling to the ground on your bum.

“Fucking hell, I’m so sorry, darling,” the man said helping you up by your elbows.

“It’s ok. I wasn’t looking- Bucky?”

“Oh, hey kid. What are you doing? It’s like three in the morning and you don’t live anywhere near here,” Bucky said, crossing his arms.

“Daniel got himself kicked from the one by our apartment and Ubered here instead.”

“So where’s Daniel?” Bucky scowled; he’s always hated that guy, so did Steve.

“Probably fucking some other chick in the bathroom,” your voice cracked.

“What?”

“It’s nothing; I just want to go home,” you cried.

“Hey, it’s ok; it’s ok. Do you wanna crash at me and Steve’s? He’s gone for the weekend with Peggy; you can stay in his room at least for the night,” Bucky offered; so that’s why Steve’s not answering his phone.

“I don’t wanna intrude on your night. I can just call an Uber, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. Steve’ll kill me if he found out I left his baby sis alone in the streets of New York at three in the morning. It’s not a problem, we were just bar hopping and I stopped drinking ages ago.”

“Are you sure, Buck?”

“Of course,” he smiled warmly at you.

“Hey, Nat!”

“What’s up?” a beautiful redhead approached you both.

“Gonna head home ; don’t do anything stupid,” he chuckled.

“You too,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Catch you Monday?”

“You’re stupid. I’ll see ya,” Bucky laughed before grabbing your hand and headed towards his apartment.

“Thanks again, Buck. For letting me stay here tonight,” you said once you entered his apartment.

It had been a while since you hung out at your brother’s apartment but nothing’s changed. Typical men and their inability to change even a throw pillow. You set your small bag on the couch before Bucky led you to Steve’s room. There were pictures of you and him posing at Steve’s graduation; and later your own. Pictures of Steve and Bucky at a theme park, during a bar-be-que for Steve’s birthday. So many memories that Steve held onto in his room.

“Time really flies doesn’t it?” Bucky said, slightly startling you.

“Sorry,” he chuckled.

“No, you’re fine. But you’re right. Feels all these pictures were taken yesterday,” you reminisced.

“I got you some clothes if you need to change; I’ll give you privacy,” Bucky said, slipping from the room briskly.

You sat on the bed frustrated with everything. Your body was so drained from being up so early in the night, to the fight with Daniel. The past couple months with him were so awful. He was just so mean to you all the time and you didn’t know what you did wrong. Where did it go wrong? When did things shift?

"Is everything ok, darling?" Bucky asked quietly, knocking on the door when you hadn't come out after a while.

"What did I do wrong? I thought he loved me," you choked out.

Bucky sighed as he walked over to the bed sitting beside you before engulfing you in a warm hug. You cried into his shoulder and Bucky couldn't help the anger that bubbled inside him for your excuse of a boyfriend Daniel. He never got along with the guy and now he finally has a reason to knock his teeth in.

"You didn't do anything, I know it. That prick wouldn't know love if it hit him in the face. It's his loss. You deserve so much better than that asshole. Look at me, you're so beautiful and funny and fucking adorable; any guy who can't see how perfect you are, is a dense piece of shit."

"James," you whispered.

His words made your heart skip and your stomach flutter. But Bucky’s always had that effect on you. Even growing up. You weren’t going to sit there and pretend that hearing his words hadn't had a deeper effect than they would’ve coming from Daniel. Sometimes you wondered what being with Bucky would be like. You’re not the first to admit how handsome Bucky was and growing up you did have quite the crush on your brother’s best friend.

You don't know what it was, whether it was the alcohol still swimming through your veins, or just feeling so vulnerable being in Bucky's arms but you wanted him badly. You needed him, needed to feel something again. And you knew he could give it to you. You pressed your lips to his and in an instant his hands dropped to your hips pulling you impossibly close against his body. Your hands went to the back of his head as you kissed him messily. Your noses bumped and teeth clashed but it was the best kiss you’ve ever had.

“Fuck, your brother’s gonna kill me,” Bucky mumbled, almost to himself, as he slowly laid you down on your back.

Bucky’s hands trailed up your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh every now and then as he continued kissing you passionately. Your own hands couldn’t help but tug at his shirt desperately. When he did so, your breath was completely taken away. It had been years since you’d seen Bucky without a shirt.

Not only had he been quite skinny just like your brother back then, but not long after leaving for college with Steve he was in a bike accident that left him with ghastly scars and burns along his left arm and shoulder. Since then, it’s fair to say Bucky never really ever took his shirt off. It had taken years just for him to remove the glove he’d always wear to cover the scars on his hand.

“You’ve gotten so strong, James,” you grinned, reaching out to brush the flexed muscles running down his front.

He simply stared at you with an anticipating and anxious expression on his face, waiting for you to state the obvious. When you didn’t, when you pulled his head down to kiss him once again, he almost cried. Bucky hadn’t been with a woman in so long, afraid of this very moment. He knew at that moment, there was no one quite like you.

Bucky fell in love.

“Let me take care of you, darling. You’ve been so good to me,” Bucky whispered huskily in your ear as he trailed his hand under your own shirt brushing his fingertips along the underside of your breast.

His lips pressed softly against your hot skin along your neck before standing up between your legs at the end of the bed. He pulled your shirt off then played cheekily with the straps of your bra that you still had on. You smiled back at him with the same playful stare, reaching behind you to unclasp the material.

You could see the way Bucky’s eyes darken and his pupils widened as he stared in awe at your naked chest. Your skin bursted into chills under his hungry gaze even though you felt like you were burning up. Bucky leaned forward kissing down the valley of your breasts, nipping once in a while playfully before laying you back down. He shimmied you out of your bottoms easily, kneeling on the ground leaving you completely bare before him.

“You are absolutely stunning, princess,” Bucky whispered, running his hands up your thighs slowly.

“Bucky, please. I need you,” you whimpered.

“Don’t worry, darling. I promise I’m gonna take good care of you,” he smirked devilishly.

He pushed your knees open, eyeing the arousal that glistened between your thighs. He brought his fingers up to you slowly rubbing your slick around before finally pushing a thick and long finger past your folds. Your body shuddered solely at the foreign but pleasurable feeling, already moaning softly.

Bucky’s cock strained through pants upon hearing your beautiful moans; they were like music to his ears. He couldn’t help the way his hips would buck into the mattress in a desperate attempt to relieve some pain from his erection. Soon after he pulled his fingers from you slowly only to thrust them further in you, curling his fingers just right.

He brought his mouth down to you, wrapping his lips around your clit sucking harshly. You gasped and your back arched, overwhelmed with pleasure Bucky was giving you with just his mouth and fingers. All the times that you’d given yourself to your ex, he had never made you feel this good before, feel this full; let alone with his fingers. Bucky was taking his time with you solely for your own pleasure and it made your heart swoon.

Your legs trapped Bucky’s head between your thighs, squeezing as he continued to eat you out like a starved man. Your hands went to his hair pulling on his dark locks causing Bucky to moan deeply against you. You were so close to a release; your legs shaking violently and your stomach tightening.

“Come on, princess. Want you to come all over my face. Can you do that for me, darling?”

“Fuck!”

“Be a good girl and make a mess,” Bucky teased.

His fingers moved faster as he swirled his tongue around and over your clit just as quickly. You were becoming overwhelmed and that coil bursted in the pit of your stomach. You pushed Bucky’s face from you, shrieking with pure pleasure; Bucky’s kept the rapid pace with fingers as you fell over the edge.

“Fucking hell, that was so hot, princess,” Bucky said standing up; his fingers, arm, his chest was covered in your arousal.

“Did I do that?” your voice trembled.

“Because of me,” Bucky winked playfully.

“I didn’t know I could do that,” you let your head fall back on the bed as you briefly caught your breath.

Bucky grabbed his shirt that he discarded not long ago and quickly wiped his chest and arm before discarding his pants and boxers. He nearly moaned at the feeling when he finally freed his dick from the restraining garments. His hand instantly wrapped around the base before pumping himself a few times.

You brought yourself onto your elbows momentarily ogling at the sight of Bucky completely bare before you. Your mouth practically watered at the sight. Bucky crawled over you kissing you deeply and messily; but perfectly. He pulled away and you both had goofy smiles on your faces before bursting into a fit of giggles, Bucky’s head burying into the crook of your neck.

“You’re so goddamn adorable, princess,” Bucky’s voice was muffled.

“Bucky,” you whined.

You couldn’t resist squirming underneath the burly man. Although, you’ve just had what was probably the best orgasm you’ve ever had, you wanted more. You needed more; you needed Bucky.

“I got you, darling. I got you.”

Bucky wanted to tease you more, make you beg, but he was just as desperate to feel you as you were. He propped himself up on his elbows kissing you one last time before reaching between your bodies and lining his dick with your entrance. Both you and Bucky moaned simultaneously as he stretched you out; curses spilling from his lips as incoherent moans fell from yours.

“So fucking tight, princess. Squeezing my cock just right, aren’t ya?” he whispered.

“Fuck, I feel so full,” you whimpered.

Bucky began to slowly move his hips in and out of you deliciously. He quickly picked up the pace, jetting his hips rapidly making your moans louder. Bucky sat up on his knees and gripped your waist surely to leave bruises in your wake. This new angle surprised you and you couldn’t help the squeals and moans that left your mouth. You chanted Bucky's name like a prayer; as if it was the only word you knew.

Bucky watched you carefully, your face contorting with pure euphoric pleasure. He couldn’t help notice the small bump in your lower belly and without a second thought, he grabbed your hands pressing them firmly over your tummy.

“You feel how deep I am, darling? Fucking poking through,” Bucky grunted.

“Shit! Oh, it feels so good,” you moaned.

“That’s right, no one’s ever gonna fuck you this good again. This pussy’s mine now,” Bucky growled.

He took one of his hands and wrapped it around your throat squeezing the sides gently but firm at the same time. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned even louder, confident that the neighbors were sure to complain in the morning. Feeling Bucky’s hand around your neck was so exhilarating; you and Daniel had never ever experimented with anything beyond a pair of handcuffs, and that particular night went horribly.

You like being choked by Bucky.

“Fucking slut; you like this, don’t ya?” he came down to whisper huskily against your lips.

“Mh-hm,” you moaned with a devilish grin, your bottom lip resting between your teeth before your eyes rolled back again.

“Such a fucking beauty you are.”

Bucky hips snapped in and out and he knew it wouldn’t be long until he needed to release.

“God, I’m close, princess,” he growled.

His hand moved to rest on the back of your neck to pull you up so you straddled his thighs and your chest was flushed against his. Your sensitive and hardened nipples brushed against his slightly sweaty skin causing you to shudder in pleasure. Bucky’s lips attached themselves to your skin along your collar bones sucking harshly leaving purple marks all along.

Your legs shook once again as they did before and soon enough with an arched back and shout of Bucky’s name you came all over his cock. Overwhelmed with your sex, Bucky bit harshly on your shoulder in a poor attempt to muffled the loud groans and moans he elicited. Feeling your velvety walls squeeze tightly around him pushed him over the edge, coating your walls with hot ribbons on cum.

He fell forward almost crushing you but you were too tired to complain. Bucky continued to pepper soft kisses all over your skin whispering how good you were to him, how beautiful you looked. Just absolutely showering with compliments. You felt him slowly getting off you, probably afraid he was crushing you, but you didn’t want him to leave just yet.

“Don’t,” you whispered, wrapping your arms tightly around his body.

“I don’t want to crush you, darling.”

“You’re not.”

Bucky chuckled before settling completely above you, careful not to make you uncomfortable. Hardly any time went by when he felt the even and soft puffs of air hitting his skin, sure that you had fallen asleep. He picked himself up and with major guilt for his best friend, picked you up from the bed and walked you to his own room.

After he was sure you stayed sound asleep, Bucky grabbed a clean pair of boxers and hurried himself to Steve’s room again. He collected all the discarded clothes and the dirty sheets and tossed them in the washing machine to clean right away.

He hadn’t meant to fuck his best friend’s little sister, let alone in his own room, on his own bed, but it all happened so fast.

He went back to his room letting the clothes do it’s thing, and quickly grabbed his phone. He messaged Steve, telling him that when he got back for his weekend with Peggy, he really needed to talk to him.

Tonight made Bucky realize how much he loved you. Growing up, you two had always been close. But he doesn’t know when he stopped being friendly and instead began flirting. Bucky wanted to be with you; he knew it now more than ever.

Bucky watched your gorgeous sleeping form on his bed. He smiled to himself before opening the window; the sun already rising and those beautiful golden rays seeped through the glass window, making you look angelic. He crawled into bed cuddling flushed against your naked body. He chuckled softly when you realized he’d returned, wiggling even further into his arms.

“I love you, Bucky,” you mumbled.

“I love you, too, darling.”

And he really, and truly did love you. As did you love him.

=======================

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