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aphroditelovesu · 6 months

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Yandere Roronoa Zoro Headcanons (General)

''I would sacrifice everything and everyone for you.'' — Roronoa Zoro.

❝ 👒 — lady l: It gave me a burst of energy at 4 am and I wrote this headcanons out of nowhere, but I really like Zoro (both the anime and the live action) and I ended up having fun. I hope you like it and forgive me for any mistakes! 💚🖤

❝tw: obsessive and possessive behavior, mention of stalking, jealousy and mention of murder.

❝👒pairing: yandere!roronoa zoro x gender neutral!reader.

Roronoa Zoro has always been indifferent to many things and people and one of those people was you, at first. When you joined the Straw Hat, he didn't think much, he just accepted you as a member of the crew and thought that his life would continue as it had always been before you. Needless to say, he was wrong.

He warmed to you slowly and gradually, in a way so subtle that even he hadn't noticed. Like sitting next to you to drink, looking at you subtly and helping you with common Going Merry tasks. All these activities became commonplace and he found himself yearning more and more for more time by your side.

The way he became uncomfortable and irritated when another Mugiwara spent too much time by your side, time that he should have spent. His gaze hardened and his grip on his swords became stronger.

Zoro had never felt like this before, this need for protection, the desire to protect what was his. He never felt this way about anyone else. He loves his friends deeply, but he didn't feel the same connection with them that he felt with you. You were more special, he just didn't know why.

He wanted to stay by your side, protect you. It was a need, an instinct that threatened to consume him from the inside out if Zoro didn't do it. You became his friend, his duty and his obsession.

Zoro is always on the lookout, watching you carefully, protecting you from a distance. He has his eye on anyone who breathes too close to you. They can be a threat, hurt you and he would rather be cursed than let that happen to you. And even with his own friends, his own Captain, he was watching.

He defends your honor fiercely and proudly, anyone who dares to say a bad thing about you will have a bad time with him. You're his, there's no way Zoro would let someone talk bad about you and get away with it. He will get into fights to the death if necessary.

You're the only one who really knows Zoro's soft side, so to speak. He comes across as serious and abrasive, often grumpy, even with his crew, but with you he's almost always smiling. He often says that your presence makes him happy when someone questions him and usually curses the person for being so nosy.

He loves you more than he loves sake and that means he really cares about you. Even if you don't like drinking alcohol, Zoro will be drinking next to you, just enjoying your company. He likes to sleep next to you too, even if it's in an innocent way. He feels more comfortable this way.

Zoro is extremely possessive of you and doesn't feel guilty about it. You are his, from his crew, so you must stay away from the others. He will never blame you for something, it's others who are to blame and Zoro is more than willing to cut them to pieces if someone crosses you, if they cross him. He will give you that person's head as a gift later.

It's not uncommon for him to be jealous, but he will never admit it. The deadly looks that are thrown when someone approaches you, the grip on the sword and eventually that person's head rolling can give some clue as to how jealous he is.

Zoro is very overprotective and this combined with his possessiveness means that you have no privacy around him. Although he's not the biggest fan of physical contact, he has no problem holding your hand or even hugging you. He loves his friends, he loves his crew but if he had to choose between you and them, Zoro would choose you without thinking twice. He would sacrifice them if you asked.

He is a pirate, a pirate hunter who has become one of the most wanted pirates in the world. Zoro has important connections and he knows how to fight very well, after all, he wants to become the greatest swordsman in the world. He knows how to get rid of the mess he's made, how to get rid of someone.

Roronoa Zoro is your protector, your friend and your obsessed stalker. Every time you arrive at a new island, he doesn't leave your side and observes the surroundings attentively, while keeping you tied to him. He can't let anything happen to you and that's why he's so overprotective. He won't lose someone he cares about, not again. He's not that bad, just be careful with other people around him and everything will be fine.

#yandere one piece #dark one piece #one piece #yandere roronoa zoro #roronoa zoro #zoro roronoa x reader #yandere roronoa zoro x reader #yandere zoro x reader #zoro x reader #headcanons #yandere headcanons #roronoa zoro x reader #yandere zoro headcanons #yandere zoro #yandere roronoa zoro Headcanons

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vaspider · 28 days

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So I need a more adult persons take on this. Is it wrong to ask people to tag gory/graphic images from gaza? I'm not trying to bury my head in the sand. I don't want to block mention of palastine but god these images are triggering the shit out of me and it isn't making me more aware or more empathetic, I'm already angry and heartbroken and praying and donating what I can.

It is never wrong to ask someone to tag something for any reason. I've asked people to tag animals that I have a phobia of, and mentions of Laika (the first animal in space), because Laika was a good girl and she didn't deserve what happened to her. It was cruel and horrible and it upsets me in a way that I recognize is out of scope for the death of a single dog seventy years ago. That person may decline to tag things for whatever reason, and if that's the case, it isn't wrong for you to unfollow them, block them, add their username to a filter list, whatever you need to do in order to curate your online experience. Without talking directly about the topic you brought up, 'cause it's something I don't do, as I've said about ninety squintillion times -- I used to reblog/post pretty disturbing images of human bodies out of a misguided sense of justice. I have been online for a really long time, and a lot of the stuff that was posted as 'necessary education' Back In The Olden Times were images of police and/or mob brutality visited on Black & brown bodies. Out of a sense of white guilt and a feeling that I should be 'bearing witness' rather than turning away, I perpetuated some of those images, until -- very kindly and gently, I think, for the scope of what was happening -- it was pointed out to me that:

it is unkind to subject the people who have been or might be subject to that sort of racialized terror to images of bodies broken by it, and

it is almost invariably the exact opposite of what the families of those people want, and

it does nothing to actually make me a better person or to advance any sort of real justice, and instead

it simply acts as a grotesque sort of terror tourism or war porn for people who can simply turn off their computer or phone screen and go about their lives.

I am really grateful to the person who took the time to gently shake me. They didn't owe me that, and I'm glad they thought I was a worthwhile investment of time and energy.

Whoever is posting images of bodies or gory images of victims from any injustice like that, especially without appropriately tagging the images so that people don't have to engage with that? They may be motivated by the best of intentions, but as long as they are engaging in that sort of casual, continual terror tourism, they're ... not helping.

There was a great article about this back during Ferguson that really flipped a switch in my head about the subject, where it basically said this is just another way that dominant cultures, Americans especially, seem to treat the bodies of people they view as Other as theirs to consume. There are ways to talk about whatever is going on which do not require people to utilize the bodies and blood of the dead as tools of persuasion (or emotional bludgeoning, tbh), as symbols to show how Righteous we are by "not looking away," and at the cost of those who have been or are more directly affected by the images.

Doing that sort of thing isn't a good idea in the first place, and you're not wrong to ask anybody to tag anything, or to disengage from those people if they find themselves unwilling or unable to tag that content so that you can care for your own mental health.

#gore mention

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dyaz-stories · 6 months

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put your arms around me and i'm home || Cha Hyun-Su x Reader

summary: In the dead of winter, you have to do a run to go get fuel for your generator. Things go wrong, but fortunately, Hyun-Su is here to save you.

word count: 3.7k

warnings & tags: canon-typical violence, gore, monsters, hyun-su and reader get injured, reader briefly thinks hyun-su is dead, monster!hyun-su makes a brief appearance, hyun-su needs a hug and he gets one!, angst, hurt/comfort, season 2 canon compliant.

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A/N: this can be read on its own, but there is another one-shot, if you're interested! for context, this takes place during season 2. reader and hyun-su know each other from high school and reader runs into hyun-su after the events of the first three episodes. reader also doesn't know that he is a monster/neohuman.

You’re not one to get caught off guard, not usually. You’ve always been cautious, measured, far-sighted. It had been an advantage back in high school, and you’re pretty sure it’s what kept you alive thus far.

Yet, in this new world that you never asked to be a part of, unforeseen complications were the norm. You could plan, and plan, and plan ahead, but here you were, freezing in your living room, because the biting cold of the lasting winter meant that you’d run out of fuel for your small generator, and everything else you used to generate electricity wasn’t functioning the way it should.

If you didn’t want to freeze to death, you had to act, and act quick.

You’d already held out a few more days than was reasonable, hoping that the weather would clear and your solar panels would be useful again, or — but you hadn’t dared to voice that thought — that Hyun-Su would come by, and you could ask for his help. He’d offered before, after all, even if he had always kept you at arm’s length whenever you’d returned the favor.

But things were dire now, and you couldn’t wait any longer, so you’re kneeling in your living-room, preparing yourself for a hazardous trip in the outside, shivering as you do. Things are dangerous enough on a good day, but the snow that’s been continuously falling only makes you dread it more. It swallows sounds, means you’ll leave tracks behind you, and you’ll consume twice as much energy just to move around.

The last thing you pack is a map, which you make sure to keep available, though you hope you won’t need it in between breaks.

You’re heading for a four-stories parking lot, where you hope you’ll find fuel in one of the cars, but that’s not the dangerous part. What’s risky is that monsters love these kinds of places, with all their nooks and crannies, all the dark places to hide, and fear already has your heart beating twice as fast as usual before you’ve even opened your door.

Still, you take a steadying breath, haul the backpack over on your shoulders, and exit the house without making a sound.

Everything is quiet outside. Snow is falling gently, and the sight would be heart-warming, if it wasn’t for all the overturned cars, the gaping hole torn into the building opposite from yours by one of those missiles a few months ago, and the worrying fresh footprints going towards the river. The snow also covers the decomposing bodies, and you can only hope that you don’t accidentally step on one as you start walking.

At least it fills your tracks behind you. By the time you’ve reached the other side of the street, which was one once an impossible task due to how bad traffic you used to be, nothing leads back to your door, and you leave with, at least, the reassurance that home will still be here waiting for you when you come back.

If you come back.

There’s comfort in knowing that you’d planned well, this time, to get to the parking lot. You get to your destination with only expected complications. You spot the monsters before they spot you. You have to reroute twice, but that had been accounted for, and you don’t even have to pull out your map. You reach the building right before noon, and after surveying it for a few minutes, you let yourself in before you can chicken out.

In the dark, you make your way to the first floor, where you will be able to have the greyish light of the day, instead of having to use precious batteries for your flashlight.

It’s not long before you’ve picked out the car, a familial minivan with an untouched baby seat in the back. You try not to think about the people it belonged to as you kneel by the side and prepare to siphon the tank. You make quick work of preparing it, with the tanks and hoses you’d brought for that purpose.

Maybe it’s your confidence that’s to blame for what happens next, or maybe it’s another one of these unforeseeable accidents. Either way, you catch movement from the corner of your eye and you jerk your head back as a reflex, but you’re not fast enough and unnaturally long claws dig into your cheek.

You manage not to scream despite the pain, scramble back and away from the van. There, standing on the roof, is a creature. Though it stands on two legs, there is nothing human about it anymore. The side of its face are sagging and drooping like it’s centuries old, covering where you assume its shoulders would be. It brings its claws to its lips, and your realize with horror that your blood is dripping from them.

Bleeding, in this world, might as well be a death sentence. You don’t bother wasting energy in stopping the tears from spilling from your eyes.

“Younnnnng,” the monster screeches. “Give— meeeeee…”

It at least snaps you out of the stupor, and you grab your bat, unwilling to go down without a fight.

But it’s not much of a fight, not when the scent and the noise are waking up all the other creatures hibernating around here.

You swing wildly as the thing, and manage to send it tumbling back. It’s only a short respite though, considering pain is only ever short lived for them, while blood is dripping down your chin and onto the concrete.

You throw your backpack on your shoulders with trembling hands and grab the first cannister that you’ve filled, abandoning the rest behind to start sprinting towards the exit.

You already know you won’t make it. You know you’ll have to run through the pitch dark ground floor, which is no doubt filled with more of those nightmares, and that the chances you’ll make it out on the other side are slim to none.

But you owe it to yourself fight until the very end.

As it stands, you don’t even make it to the downward slope that leads there. There’s the sound of something charging towards you, and then the— the head, it has to be, of a bull-like thing catches you in the ribs, and sends you flying into a car. Your breath is instantly knocked out of you, your vision goes blurry, your head starts reeling. You’re aware of the thing crashing into a concrete pillar. It at least stays there, struggling to pull itself out, but that’s barely any relief, because soon enough the first creature is calling out to you again, stretching out a skeletal arm towards you.

“Younnnnnng… Give meeeee…”

It kicks you in the ribs, and you roll onto your back, only to be met with the horrifying sight of its arm in the air, claws out and ready, preparing to cut your throat open.

You refuse to close your eyes.

And then, just as you think everything lost, someone steps in between you and the monster, blocking its arm with your very own baseball bat. You stare blankly at the large back, the unkept black hair, as the man forces it to step back and kicks it in the chest.

Then Hyun-Su turns around, and holds his hand out towards you.

He looks nothing like what you’re used to. He’s usually so lost, so hesitant, when he comes to you. Now he’s focused, purposeful, and in many ways, he reminds you of the boy you once knew, the captain of the football team who would without fail lead his team to victory.

“Let’s go,” he urges you, and when you weakly take his hand, he pulls you to your feet effortlessly.

You wheeze as the two of you run to hide behind a car. You press your free hand against your ribs, hoping to lessen the pain — it doesn’t work, of course.

“It’s going to find me,” you mumble to Hyun-Su as he keeps an eye on the thing. “It can— It can smell my blood.”

Hyun-Su’s head snaps towards you, and his expression darkens at the sight of the wound on your cheek. He lifts his hand halfway, as if to touch it, then lets it fall down again.

“You should—” Your voice breaks. “You should go. If it can find me… It’s not the only one.”

A strange expression that you can’t quite decipher passes on his face, before he shakes his head firmly.

“I’m not leaving you here.”

The relief you feel when he says those words is immediately overshadowed by embarrassment. You shouldn’t be happy. He needs to go, or he will die here with you, and what would the point be in that?

“What— What are you even doing here? How—”

You don’t know if he doesn’t answer on purpose, or if he hears a sound that takes his attention away from you.

“Can you run?” he asks you, glancing over the car.

Your body’s going to hurt like hell when the adrenaline wears out, but for now you give him a decided nod.

“Do you trust me?”

You should probably take your time to answer him, actually think about the question.

“Yes,” you answer instead, like it’s a reflex.

He exhales quietly, squeezes your hand in his.

“Then run.”

Then he’s pulling with him, running at full speed towards the open wall of the parking lot. Fear spikes through you. Even though you’re only on the first floor, it’s still too high to land comfortably. That fear is completely erased by the sight that greets you, briefly, of monsters stumbling and climbing all over each other to make their way up from the ground floor. There is a whole swarm of them teeming here already, and you can’t think of any other way to make it out alive — frankly, you have a hard time believing that this will work. But you cling to your faith in Hyun-Su like your life depends on it, because it does, and when he yells for you to jump, you do it without question.

While you’re flailing in the air, you feel him pulling you towards him. Strong arms wrap around you, and keep you caged and safe. You hit the ground brutally, rolling on the floor until you land on top of him.

“Fuck,” you mumble, painfully pushing you onto your elbows. “Hyun-Su, are— are you okay?”

The obvious answer to the question is ‘no’, and yet Hyun-Su doesn’t look worse for wear as he sits up, his eyes instead going over your body to make sure you weren’t too badly injured.

If you shiver when his hands run up and down your arms, it isn’t because of the cold.

“Let’s move,” he says, letting go of you all too quickly.

But, by the time you’re both on your feet, monsters attracted by the smell of your blood have started falling from the parking lot. The two of you sprint, but you’re no match for them and you know it. You regain the tiniest hope when you make it past a corner, thinking that maybe, just maybe, the snow will swallow your smell if you hide well enough — and then something wraps around your ankle.

In a second, you’re torn out of Hyun-Su’s grasp, and when you manage to roll onto your back to see who your assailant is, all you can do is let out an inhumane scream.

This particular monster has eight legs, like a spider, and its somewhat human torso and head is completed by two long mandibles instead of a jaw. You manage to grab a knife from your pocket, but by the time you can cut its— web, you suppose, it’s charging towards you at full speed, and it’s close, too close for you to even get on your feet before—

When it attacks you, the first thing you see is what you first identify as a black wing, before you realize that it’s made out of a complex mix of flesh, bone and other materials that you can’t quite recognize, instead of feathers.

The wing pushes the creature back, and then Hyun-Su’s back is in front of you once more.

It’s his, you realize, brain awfully slow all of sudden. The wing. It’s attached to his shoulder, and all you can do is stare in confusion and horror. It flutters as he turns around to look at you.

You’re not fully in control when you scramble back, whole body shaking — because of the second near-death experience in ten minutes or because you’re terrified, you don’t know. What you do know is how hurt he looks, and how he turns his head the other way to face the monsters that are still coming after the two of you.

“You should run,” he says, low enough that you could miss it. He sounds hollow again. “Don’t turn around.”

You shake your head quietly, try to form some words. They all fail you. You don’t— you have no clue what’s happening. All that you know is that Hyun-Su is a monster and that he’s just used that to save your life.

The wave of monsters reach him just a few seconds later, before you’ve managed to decide anything. He pushes them back with practiced ease, one by one. You hate that you’re just sitting here, unable to move, as he fights for your life, yet your body just refuses to answer to you, even if you’re begging it to react.

Soon, the spider is the last one standing — or rather, the last one who hasn’t yet decided that you’d make a fairly meager lunch, considering how hard it is to get to you. It keeps attacking, and Hyun-Su keeps pushing it back, again, and again, until the creature manages to ensnare him in its web. Hyun-Su writhes, manages to pull his wing free, but it’s clear that he’s now at a disadvantage, and the mandibles click threateningly as the monster gets closer and closer to him.

Finally, your body agrees to react.

You run.

You don’t go very far though. You find the cannister you’d dropped and then you’re rushing back to throw the gasoline at the creature, half emptying it. The monster wasn’t paying attention to you, too busy trying to bite Hyun-Su’s head off, but its head snaps towards you when the liquid reaches it. It lets out a threatening hiss, which you ignore.

Instead, you find the lighter in your pocket.

Aim.

And throw.

The screams start right away, but it drops Hyun-Su, at least, as it tries to escape the fire.

For a second, you think you’ve made it — you’ve both made it, that is. Hyun-Su pulls himself to his feet. The wing flutters again, slowly starts to retreat back into his body to go back to a human arm.

He looks at you, expression unreadable.

And then one of the spider’s limb pierces through his chest. It’s not even calculated this time — just a movement it’s making as it tries to free itself from the flames that are consuming it.

You hear yourself scream. You don’t remember asking your body to move, this time, but you know that a second later you’re reaching Hyun-Su as he falls to his knees, and your arms are around him while you cradle him, pulling his head into your lap. Tears fall down your cheeks and onto his, as one of your hands tries, and fails, to apply pressure to the gaping wound, even if you know there is no point.

“No,” you beg. “No, no, no, no… Please, please, someone, please…”

You don’t know how many times you say it, how long you stay there. Snow starts to cover both his body and yours, and you realize you have a decision to make, if you don’t want to freeze to death. You just can’t bring yourself to do it.

Until Hyun-Su’s lifeless body arches in your arms with a gasp.

When his eyes open, they’re a clear, cold, uncanny blue.

You don’t dare to do anything then — not to let go of him, not to move away, not to break eye contact. It makes no sense, but you’re afraid that the slightest movement would have him gone again.

Slowly, his lips curve into a smirk, an expression you’ve never seen on him before. You’ve seen him smile, bright and sincere, and more recently, soft and subdued. But this amused, flirtatious smirk, that is completely new.

“You’re still here,” he comments, casually getting up, like nothing happen, like he can’t feel pain, like there isn’t a hole in his chest.

Even his voice is different. There’s a drawl to it, light and lazy, like he has all the time in the world.

“Hyun-Su?” you say, unsure of what’s happening. He was dead a minute ago. Then again, now that he’s breathing again, your brain is able to form the thought that he is a monster. An abnormal one, sure, and you don’t know enough to draw any conclusion, but it could be an explanation.

The smirk widens.

“Close enough,” he answers. “Are you scared?”

You’re not sure. You think you’re too emotionally exhausted to be scared.

“Should I be?” you ask. Maybe you shouldn’t trust this version of him to tell you the truth, and yet— All your senses are telling you that this is still Hyun-Su. And you don’t think he’d do anything to hurt you. Ever.

“It would break him if you got hurt,” not-Hyun-Su says, tilting his head. He lifts his index finger to tilt your head up. “I don’t want him broken.”

“Is he—” You interrupt yourself, unsure of what even is happening right now. But before you can start asking for answers, there is something you need to know. “Is Hyun-Su okay right now?”

He scoffs.

“He’s taking a break,” he replies. “He’s worked hard.” A beat while he seems to think about it. “Also, he thinks you hate him now.”

“I could never hate him,” you say, too easily, because it’s just the truth.

“Well, he is a monster,” not-Hyun-Su says with a shrug. He doesn’t seem to mean it as an insult, just stating a fact. You suppose he’s not wrong, and yet…

“The people I loved all turned into monsters,” you whisper quietly. Your mother, before you even made it home. Your best friend, who begged for death so she wouldn’t hurt others. Your father, who disappeared to protect you. You miss them all so much it sometimes feel like your heart’s been ripped out of your chest, and you’d give anything to have them back. So, if there is any way that you can still have Hyun-Su… “As long— as long as he’s not trying to kill me, does it really matter?”

The man watches you with interest, tilting his head to the side. It’s interesting. You haven’t been hurt by this world the way others have. Monsters caused death and destruction, but you watched half-monsters doing their very best to avoid hurting others, not unlike what Hyun-Su is doing right now.

The monster in him wonders what it would take, to destroy that ill-placed trust in others around you. The rest of him… is far too intrigued to give in. He grabs your chin between his thumb and his index finger, pulls your face closer to his.

“Doesn’t it?” he echoes your words. “What if I do hurt you?”

You swallow, call back the images of Hyun-Su easily taking out these monsters earlier. But you can’t forget that he’d been doing it to protect you.

“Y–You won’t,” you reply, even if your stutter betrays your lack of confidence.

It’s a leap of faith, but it seems to amuse him.

“For now,” he says, before his eyes roll into his head and Hyun-Su collapses in your arms.

You stumble back, barely manage to keep him up, before he seems to regain some control over his limbs and starts coughing. Even then, you don’t let go of him. You wrap both of your arms around him, head resting against his shoulder, and keep him there, against you.

Hyun-Su remains still for a while, breathing pained and ragged. The snow is still falling, but his body is warm.

“Are you okay?” he whispers with a hoarse voice.

“I am,” you answer. “Thanks to you.”

He lets out a pained sigh.

“Did he— Did he hurt you?”

You shake your head, barely moving away so you can look at him. He doesn’t look at you, keeps his eyes — black again, you note — fixedly in the other direction.

Like he can’t bear to know which emotion is on your face right now.

“I’m so happy you’re alive,” you say quietly. “I thought— I thought I’d lost you forever.”

Silence.

“Don’t leave me,” you beg, voice so low and broken you don’t think he’d hear if he wasn’t inches from you.

Hyun-Su’s body starts shaking against yours. Finally, finally, he wraps an arm around your waist, burying his head in your neck, and wet tears roll down your collarbone. In the freezing cold weather, they feel burning hot.

“Don’t hate me,” he begs in response, crying in your arms, fingers digging to the fabric of your clothes in a desperate attempt to keep you there, against him — even if there is no need for that right now.

You wish you could tell him that he just saved your life, that he’s been a guiding light in your cold, dark life this past few months, that you love him more than words can say. But that would take too long, and the situation calls for something shorter, more direct, and just as meaningful.

“You’re the only good thing about this world,” you say instead, and he sucks in a sharp breath.

Under the snow, for long minutes, Hyun-Su holds you like he never wants to let go.

When the two of you eventually detach from each other, he keeps your hand in his the whole walk home.

i hope you liked this installment! i'm probably going to write something much softer next, still for this couple (but it's hyun-su so it's still going to be angsty). if you're enjoying this, please let me know your thoughts, reblog or send in an ask. hearing from readers is so motivating and makes me want to keep writing!

next part

#hyunsu x reader #cha hyun su x reader #sweet home #sweet home netflix #cha hyun su #sweet home x reader #sweet home season 2 #hyun su x reader #cha hyunsoo #cha hyunsoo x reader #hyunsoo x reader #my writing

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regulusrules · 4 months

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FIC RECS: Tore apart my sanity edition

Missed doing those, especially that the brilliance of this fandom is quite endless. You'd think you've read everything, then a fic comes and makes you stare two ceilings above. I think we all have PhDs in ceiling reading at this point.

1. through storm and hellfire by @prattery.

Look, I know I scream a lot about fics, but this time it's so rightfully, I swear. There is something about this one that just unravels you so fully, so reverently. It was a spiritual experience; reading this fic. Anything written by this author is a spiritual experience. If you're new to my blog, you will soon know that I fall apart for such beautiful prose so easily. And the way Arthur was written here.. holy lord in the sky. I haven't survived this fic as of yet (weeks later). It was not Merlin who got kidnapped here; it's our literal hearts.

2. you hold a knife at my throat (i tell you exactly where to cut) by @nextstopparis.

All I can say is that I found this one on the night of my final MA exam and risked failing because I stayed up till dawn reading it. And guess what? I'd do it a hundred times over. Because this fic killed me 🤩 With a knife knowing exactly where to cut 🤩

Whenever it's Protective!Arthur that is as much consumed by Merlin's safety as Merlin was with his, then know I am absolutely and utterly gone. And everything that comes with Arthur teaching Merlin how to wield weapons and its close proximity trope. Oh boy. I was literally killed, I'm telling you.

3. Of Course Falling in Love is Awful. Why Else Would They Call It a Crush? by watchriverdale.

Respectfully, how does this marvel of a fic have less than a thousand reads?? If I may, it's one of the best AU - Canon Divergence that I've read in so long! Merlin being an actual physician, Arthur making silly excuses to go visit Merlin and it ending up for him falling head over heels, BAMF elements of both, just everything! Absolutely AMAZING. And the full circle at the end; what an icon.

4. The Walls of Camelot by spqr. (@andthepeople)

I'm literally not joking when I say my brain function grew and developed more after reading this fic. It was so fully-fledged in a way you don't find in literal published books. The amount of creativity and research combined in this fic.. WOW! You just literally live the war with them, all emotions entangled, all thoughts experienced. I think I had the hardest time processing that the fic ended more than anything else because of how invested I was in the story. I didn't want it to end. It was a wonderful, wonderful ride.

5. I suppose that I look different (without the robes and crown) by WingedWolf121. (@lancelotofthelake)

You know when fic writers begin to narrate Arthur through Merlin's eyes and describe him as golden? That is what I would say as the overall feel of this fic. I felt it radiating gold and beauty. It was unmatched, truly. From the AU idea to its execution.. I was hooked all 18K. I'd give it 18K kudos of my own alone. And the way it was written !!! Please. Any Arthur who just loves Merlin a tad too much is unparalleled. And when the same energy is returned by Merlin >>>

Oh and lastly: “Ask me who you were there to me, Merlin.” I'll leave you at that.

+ 1: My heart is readily yours by yours truly.

Have I mentioned how much this one tore my own sanity apart while writing it? (yes. yes I already have like a thousand times, tell me to shut up about it already). But it's for good reason. I am a changed human being after this fic. For better or for worse, I'm still not sure about that.

#LJ recs #merlin #fic recs #bbc merlin #merthur #merlin fic #arthur pendragon #ao3 #merthur fic recommendations #if you know the authors' @ on tumblr let me know so that I tag them!#regulusrules recs

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txttletale · 11 months

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Apologies for the dumb question and loads of personal information, but..

I have severe moral ocd, and in the past the exploitation has actually caused me eating issues. I’d get intensely guilty whenever I ate anything bc I couldn’t avoid thinking of the exploitation that occurred to get it here and I honestly started avoided eating.

is that what im supposed to do? I know there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism but my sustained existence is reliant on food from the exploitative world of global “trade”, medicine from the oppressive pseudo jails of the psychiatric system, and technology running on copper and cobalt that people suffered to mine. I claim to be a leftist, but my sustained quality of life, god, my entire life, is dependent on the imperial core continuing to extort the rest of the world. Should I just give up?

nah. ultimately if you're a socialist you have to understand that what you do as an individual is--politically speaking--irrelevant. it's good to be aware of the harms that were done in the process of production, but it's both a political dead end and personally self-destructive to then flagellate about that. (and to be clear, if that awareness is impossible for you to maintain without falling into disordered eating behaviours, you don't need to be that aware--again, this isn't about moral duty. genuine socialist politics are never about individual moral duty, or about being a good person. there is no level of Thought or Awareness or Conscienciousness that can become a lever of meaningful political action.)

the harms have already been done by the time the commodity exists for you to access--you're not participating in or exacerbating them by using the commodity. even if you did find a way to live completely without interfacing with the systems of exploitation, those systems would continue unabated. they don't care about you. the idea that if everyone spontaneously individually decided to stop using the goods that are generated by exploitation then exploitation would end is laughable in both premises and conclusion.

you have to look at this on a material level--the 'harm' is not an abstract quality that gets infused into the fruit or the medicine or the iphone, it's not haunted, you cannot show me an atom of 'harm radiation' emitted by an out-of-season banana--the 'harm' is a series of actual events taking place somewhere in the world. and the way to combat that has nothing to do with the personal consumption of individuals--it has everything to do with organized efforts, with groups of people taking collective action to stop that harm from happening.

you're not god. you're not a dynasty warriors character. you vs. united fruit and foxconn is a losing battle. you alone can't change the world in any way that matters, good or bad. the only thing you can do is join your energy to a group, to participate in class struggle. to unionize or join a party or participate in a mutual aid network. class struggle, the marxist analysis of class struggle, the only meaningful vector of political action across myriad forms, cannot be reached or analysed through the lens of 'do my personal consumer choices make me a good or bad person'. i know it is obviously difficult to do when we live in a society that focuses on consumer choice as the be-all and end-all of personal and political and moral expression, but you have to reject that question outright.

socialism is not catholicism--the aim of left-wing politics is not to live virtuously. it is to unite as members of the working class and improve all of our lives. focus on uniting first--find the people around you who you can form organizational bonds of solidarity with--and then figure out how to participate in the class struggle together. that's the only way forward. everything else is a trap, a dead-end, or in this case, pointless self-abnegation. good luck, comrade.

#ask

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 6 months

Text

Silver Lining 5

Warnings: non/dubcon, speech impediment, bullying and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: silverfox!Bucky Barnes

Summary: You have an unpleasant encounter with an older man.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

Your phone buzzes as your niece bounces dangerously close to the tree. Your sister's in town with her two kids, but neither her or her husband seem to care much about watching them. Somehow, you're tasked with that and unsure what to do about their endless energy. You envy them truly so you just kind of let them go.

You hear your mother and sister chattering in the kitchen, her husband is in the garage with your stepdad, and as always, you're the odd one out. You slide your phone out and check the ID. It's Bucky, technically your new boss. You notice you've missed a few texts from him. Great. Not a good start. You were supposed to tell everyone at dinner about your new gig.

You answer, watching the kids without much thought, play tug of war over a string of tinsel. You should stop them but it'll just snap anyhow. You clear your throat and put your hand to your cheek, feeling the nervousness warm your skin.

"Hello, Mr. B-Barnes," you eke out.

"Bucky, it's fine," he sounds slightly irritated but you don't think you've heard a different tone from him so far, "you're busy?"

"Well, uh, n-not exactly," you shrug, "j-just family s-stuff."

"Family... so you won't be able to go over the script? I just got your edits."

"U-uh, y-yeah, if you want to, I c-can grab my l-laptop," you offer and turn your back to the room.

"I'd prefer it if we could meet. I'm more of a face-to-face person."

"O-old-fashioned," you comment. You regret that he exhales deeply on the other end. "S-sorry, I o-only meant--"

"You're right. I'm old-fashioned. Not a bad thing," he insists, "so, is it too late? Should we find another time?"

"T-tomorrow?"

"I'm going out of town for the weekend," he huffs, "I really want to have this ready to record when I get back."

"R-right," you chew your thumb, a sudden bawling tears through the air as you spin around and find your nephew stuck under the tree. Oh no! "Oh, sh-shoot."

You cover the microphone as you lower the phone. Your sister rushes in, your mother at her heels as they squeal. You watch helpless as she fishes Casey from under the fir branches, "you were supposed to be watching them," she accuses.

"I-I was?"

"Oh, come on, you know, I barely get a minute to myself and you can't just keep an eye on two kids? Ugh, no job and you can't be bothered just to look," she snarls.

They're not your kids. You flutter your lashes as you fight back tears and that smart remark.

"I actually h-have a c-call from m-my new job," you hold out your phone and wiggle it at her, "I d-don't b-babysit f-for free."

She scoffs and your mom tuts as she shakes her head. They don't even care. No congratulations but they can constantly throw your unemployment in your face. You take a breath and roll your eyes.

"S-sorry, I g-got to go," you turn and drag your feet out of the room.

"Well, she didn't say she had a job," your mother mutters as your sister grumbles back, "about time."

You ignore them as you head upstairs. It's better you let your sister bask in her spotlight. You weren't looking forward to dinner anyhow. Not for anything more than the hunger groaning in your stomach. You put the phone back to your ear.

"A-are you there? S-sorry, I g-got distracted."

"Really, if you're busy--"

"N-no, I n-need to get a-away," you say.

You're silent at the confession. You didn't mean to sound so pathetic. You go down the hall to your room and find a sweater.

"Well, uh, how about we meet at the cafe? Middle ground. You like that place?"

"Up t-to you," you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.

"You need a ride?" He asks, to your surprise.

You pause as you grip the bright pink wool in your hand, "N-no, I'll f-find my way." You swallow and lay the sweater on your bed, "uh, b-bye."

You hang up before he can respond. You're embarrassed. He probably heard all of that and more. And now you've gone and betrayed your stupid self to him. Of all people. He doesn't need to know you're a complete failure. You hate to accept it but you have to; you need him more than he needs you. So maybe you'll just change the damn thesis after all.

🩶

You get to the coffee shop with snow caked on your hat and in the collar of your coat. You shake it off just outside and enter, your cheeks and nose kissed with the cold. As much as you love the winter, it's a bit much. You let out a brrr as you pull of your mitts and tuck them inside your hat. You hear your name and glance over. It's him, he's beat you there.

You tramp over to him as the snow melts off your boots and you wave, setting your bag in the chair as you unbutton your coat.

"Didn't m-mean t-to take too l-long," you say.

"Hot chocolate shouldn't be that cold," he assures you. You wince and look at the table. Sure enough, there's a second cup.

"O-oh, you d-didn't have t-to--"

"It's fine, not a big deal," he shakes his head.

You nod and hang your coat over the back of the chair and tuck away your mittens and hat in the sleeve. You sit and bring your bag into your lap. You flip up the flap and pull out your laptop, chilly from the walk there. You sense him watching you. You leave your computer shut as you lay it out and reach for the hot chocolate. You give it a taste and hum, thanking him.

"Sounds like a rough day," he comments.

"Y-yeah, b-but you d-don't have to w-worry about it," you assure him, glancing around evasively. When is he going to start being mean?

"You got kids?" He asks.

You have to hold in your laughter. "Sister's k-kids," you explain, "n-not for m-me."

"Ah," he accepts and reaches for his coffee, "right. Makes sense."

You keep your eyes down. You don't want to get too personal. Feels like he's just being polite, likely because he feels bad for you, not about his previous behavior.

"Don't got any either," he leans forward, his thick fingers hugging his cup, "so, your new draft was... great."

"R-really?" You lift your gaze meekly.

"Yeah, yeah, I just have a few notes," he sits back to bend down to the bag at his feet, "thanks for coming so last minute.”

You open your laptop, trying not to show any emotion. It's kind of him but you just don't believe it's anything other than pity.

#bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #drabbles #series #silver lining #silverfox #au #mcu #marvel #winter soldier #avengers

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aechii · 1 year

Text

₍⁠₍ OF LOVE AND FASHiON ₎⁠₎

A/N ?! last fic for the day booooo 😥 i dont know if i will be able to post any tmrrw, but i hope i can. anyways enjoy my lovelies

p.s. there's a little written part in this but it's abt 500-600 words

[y/n]'s heart's racing. every palpitation hammers against her chest with much force, so much so that her full-upon-entry water has decreased to less than half left in just 30 minutes. the heat still fused with the air, but as the sun begins to sleep, it loses its energy, leaving a cool undercurrent that presses into the skin of all the attendees. she's so glad about the cooler weather, finding it completely unfathomable how she would've coped if the heat joined tham at night as well.

but the man seated beside her crashes all of her composure, and her body begins to feel hot and strangled.

she hasn't seen such a visually blessed male specimen in all the years of her living, and the fact that his body was so close to hers because of the crammed seating made matters worse. she can't think, breathe or concentrate on the influx of dressed models that come and go non-stop.

"you look disgusted."

the voice comes from right beside her, and her head whips around, startled. the man that has enraptured her entire conscience smiles goofily at her, and her heart wavers.

"what? me?"

"yes," he chuckles softly, "you."

his eyes turn back to the show before them, yet he continues speaking before [y/n] can justify herself, "i don't blame you, though. some of the outfits are... questionable."

his facial expressions are priceless, and [y/n] falls into a bout of laughter, "you're sick!"

he looks on seriously, eyes flashing with extreme judgement, "i'm not lying! how does anyone find pairing a skirt and baggy trousers aesthetic?"

the combination, that [y/n] had, most likely, missed from being consumed by her thoughts, makes her grimace, "yeah, that wasn't a good look at all."

he turns back to face her and, god, he stares so intently that she has to look away.

"speaking of outfits, what brand you wearing? 'cause i know it's not lv for sure, i'm not seeing any," he thinks of the right words, "over exposure of the logo."

"that's one way to put it," [y/n] snickers, looking down at her outfit, "i made it all myself... apart from the shoes of course."

the boy is taken aback, mouth agape and eyes wide, "no way!"

she begins to feel flustered by his reaction and just smiles.

"that's so cool, honestly. i would take more pride in that than wearing a slutted out luxury brand."

"slutted out?" [y/n] can't believe her ears; he's going to kill her, she's sure.

"how the hell did you come up that?!"

the boy purses his lips, looking smug, "i'm just that amazing."

"you're delusional."

he pretends to think for a moment, "delusional enough to think i'd get your number?"

[y/n]'s eyebrows shot up, "you want... my number?"

he doesn't hesitate to nod, "i don't think i'll be leaving without it."

jobe, who had been painfully listening in on their conversation, decides to make himself apparent, "don't do it, you'll regret it."

she turns around, coming face to face with a younger boy who looks almost identical to the one she had been speaking with for the past 15 minutes.

"you two brothers?"

the older one responds, "yeah, he's a cockblock though, don't listen to him."

"cockblock? jude, i'm trying to save her life!"

ah, so that's his name.

"clear off, jobe," he rolls his eyes, turning back to the girl sitting beside him, "sorry about that- so, your number?"

"don't do it!"

and much to his dismay, she does.

y/n_l/n

liked by judebellingham and 23,899 others

y/n_l/n paris photo dump !! met some cool ass people there lowkey

view comments...

judebellingham was lovely meeting you, such a vibe 😆

y/n_l/n you too!! <3

yfn__ best time of my life honestly

y/n_l/n paris at night is a sight to see

user1 you look GORGEOUS

user2 i really missed pfw just a day after i left france </3

user3 JUDE????

user4 I'M ACTUALLY SO SHOCKED

user5 😮

user6 WE FOUND HERRRRR

user7 and jude beat me to it already 😐

judebellingham

liked by y/n_l/n and 899,231 others

judebellingham ❤🇫🇷

view comments...

y/n_l/n love the after party candid, send it to me plz xx + tell jobe i'm sorry but not sorry

judebellingham you look so pretty in it ofc + he'll see it anyways xx y/n_l/n @/judebellingham stop plz 😭🛑 jobebellingham @/y/n_l/n buy me croissaints and maybe i'll forgive you

jadonsancho freshh 🔥

user1 who's that girl in the last pic????

user2 someone who he met at the lv show, got her number and everthingggg 😭

user3 AND SHE KNOWS JOBE TOO? that's my chance stripped unrightfully away from me </3

user4 icel, she's gorgeous AAAAA

user5 this is my 13th reason

#work de aechii 🫧#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagines #jude bellingham angst #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham romance #jude bellingham #jude bellingham headcanons #jude bellingham fanfic #borussia dortmund #football imagines #footballer x reader #footballer x you

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sykestarot · 7 months

Text

what's holding you back? how should you move forward?

1-2-3 (left to right)

I do not own any of these images

Hi guys I felt this was the message that needed be heard this week and some of it got very specific. Lmk what you think! Thanks for stopping by ily!!

Pile 1

“it consumes my mind, it consumes my soul, it wants my life, it wants complete control” (8 of cups (rx); 8 of wands (rx; The Emperor; The Hermit; king of wands; The Star) This pile might struggle with mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety. When channeling your energy pile one I had a heavy chest and a hard time breathing. You could be pushing yourself too hard and not taking a break. Or avoiding taking a break because then you’ll see how much pain you’re in. Either way I feel very heavy energies with you. I see you feel stagnant in your life, but this is because you refuse to make changes because you feel comfortable in the routine or cycle you’re in. I’m also seeing for some of you, that you went through something hard recently and you’re keeping yourself hidden due to fears of it happening again. This situation led you to forget how much power you hold and how truly beautiful you are. I think you might expect life to happen for you, even though you’re not really leaving your house. Sometimes we have to make things happen for ourselves, although I do understand not wanting to because of the fear of the unknown. The advice that the cards give you is to remember how you sparkle. I feel like your current energy is the song I channeled but the energy you need to embody is bejeweled by Taylor Swift lol. Two very different energies. Spirit is telling you to lean on them and let go of the past, because holding onto that is only going to make your journey to the top slower. I’m also not sure if this situation involved a betrayal but spirit is also letting you know that two people’s perspectives that may differ on the same situation can both be true at the same time. I also see in this advice that this is a journey you have to go on alone. I understand how daunting this may feel but I promise you have the strength and the resilience to get through this. I keep hearing “I wish you could see the way you shine”. Signs: August; the number 8; 8 mile; Eminem?; blue sapphire; stardust the movie; Aquarius; girl in red?; insomnia; overthinking; stripped socks; dark room lit up by tv; “remember who you are” - lion king

Pile 2

"Je te laisserai des mots" (2 of swords (rx); 3 of swords; The High Priestess; The Empress (rx); Justice (rx); 8 of wands (rx)) Hi Pile 2! I feel like for you guys you recently went through a breakup, possibly with your first love, or someone you thought was your forever. Maybe you guys were on and off for a while and you really believe this person will come back. I see that in terms of what’s holding you back is that you don’t believe that you can live without this person and that’s not true. I see that you would’ve given this person the world. I hear that quote where one person says “you were a wonderful experience” and then the other person says, “you, you were everything.” And I feel like you’re the one saying that the other person was everything. Perhaps you're an artist and this person was your muse and without them you feel like you can’t make your art anymore. I genuinely feel empty channeling your energy. I see that what’s holding you back is the idea that this person was the only reason you were successful, which couldn’t be further from the truth pile 2. You are worth so much more than what you create. I also feel that you only value yourself by how much you create or do and that you punish yourself for not meeting a certain quota. But because of the loss you’re going through right now you’re not meeting quotas because you’re hurt not because you are an unproductive being. If you leave this reading with one thing I hope that it is that you are worth so much more than just what you create. As far as advice goes for you I see that you need to place trust in the mysteries of life. Most times you don’t know what life has in store for you even if you think you do. Place trust in your heart and your gut feelings. Rest when you feel you need to and create when you feel the need to. I also see that your inner monologue could be hurting you, the pessimism in your mind could be keeping you in a cycle of self hatred and unproductivity and they're working hand in hand to keep you stagnant. Try to think more positively and be gentler with yourself and you’ll see progress almost immediately. I’m also seeing that when you step back and see the bigger picture you’ll find that everything happens for a reason, and almost every ending leads to a new beginning. I believe in you pile 2 you can do it!! Signs: 222’; piano; marble; fine arts; french?; museums; pine scent; guitar; the color blue; long distance; wishing on stars; turn back time; Romeo and Juliet; “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” ; paintings; indie

Pile 3

“keeping me from who I need to be, distracting me from what I need to do” Pile 3 I feel like for you what’s holding you back is your inability to admit that you are wrong about something. For you I see you continuing to try to do something that isn’t working and probably hasn’t worked for you either ever or for a long time. I see that for you your destiny holds much more than what you are doing. I see that you are going down a path that is filled with obstacles and you believe that it’s because it’ll give you a better success story when these obstacles are not even obstacles there more like road blocks. I see this pile is more of a career pile. I also feel like I can hear you while reading this immediately going, “pfft this isn’t for me”. If you thought this at all then this pile is exactly for you. I don’t know if someone told you that you wouldn’t make it in the line of work you’re in but I do see that you took that and made it the fire that lit you up. For most of you though this is a job that you can make it in but it won’t fulfill you in the way you think it will because at the end of the day I believe you don’t actually enjoy this job. SO if you feel like your life is stagnant or staying in the same place it’s because this career isn’t meant for you. I feel like you also know what career is meant for you and you’re being super stubborn. I also feel like when you talk to people you’re close to about your job issues they immediately bring up your other option of what you could be doing. Like if you’re a lawyer and it’s draining you and you tell your friend and they immediately go “oh what about the art you used to make you know you were great at that!” I also feel that this irritates you lol. I feel like you know and are aware of it at the very least. The universe has been sending you signs about this for what I believe could be years. But you do what you feel is right for you. As far as advice goes for you pile three I see it’s time to heal. Perhaps the reason you're staying in this job is because you feel the need to get recognition to stick it to the person who told you you couldn’t. That’s not necessarily the healthiest behavior for ourselves. I also see that you need to start thinking of laying something solid down for the rest of your life, so maybe this job is also not letting you provide for yourself or others and on top of all of that you don’t enjoy it? I think spirit wants you to think in long term goals and does this job or cycle let you pursue those? Spirit would also like you to know that you aren’t alone. I really heavily feel that given the opportunity your friends would love to support you in any endeavor and are probably rooting for you to leave this situation. So go ahead and reach out when you’re ready to leave!! Many people love you and only want the best for you, remember that. :) Signs: October 6th; October; June; pumpkins; hammers; carpentry; wood?; post malone; trinkets; working with hands; toxic positivity; hard helmets; hammers; beer; heinekens

#pick a card reading #reading tarot #tarot reading #spiritual #tarot #spotify #pick a card #pac #spirituality #channeling #pick an image #pap #channeled message #channeled song #divination #law of attraction #Spotify

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the-s1lly-corner · 7 months

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A bit of a specific idea, but I had a platonic idea for all of the characters in the Amazing Digital Circus—

Maybe all of them with a Wally Darling-like Reader? An example of such being Reader also speaking in a monotone voice that is both a little unsettling yet friendly at the same time, always making eye contact and never looking away, being able to eat things by blinking, being a lot more aware than they seem, greeting people individually anytime they enter a room, etc etc.

TADC cast x wally darling type! Reader !

Still stuck on mobile so this post may be a little short and whacky <\3 + I'll be relying on this ask for wallys personality since I cant open other tabs without risking deleting my progress on this <\3 + I've never touched welcome home 😭😭

CAINE:

Honestly, I don't know anything about welcome home as stated above, but I think Caine would have a lot of the same habits; namely the eye contact and I can also see him doing the blink eating...

The only difference is that hes way high energy

I think he would think that you're just a silly lil fella, an interesting little thang, wants to study you under a microscope..

Thinks its endearing how you greet everyone personally.. loves when you do it to him since it makes him feel special n appreciated

POMNI:

Overall pomni is going to need a lot of time to get used to the weirdness of the circus, and this applies to getting over the unnerving feeling she gets around you

Probably becomes speechless and does the face when you blink-eat

You know...

Just stares at where the food item once was... how did you do that...? What are you going to consume next? Why are you looking her in the eye like that?

..oh you're just telling her you enjoyed the snack you've brought

JAX:

As per usual I'm writing these all out of order, and I happen to be writing jax after I did zooble

I think jax wouldnt just think you're unsettling, I think he would think you're creepy

Now does he think you're a threat? Personally I don't think he would go as far as to classify you as such

Watches in horror as you blink and consume his sour gummy candies

Okay now this is war

You guys sometimes have unspoken staring contests, you usually tend to win them

Actually now that he thinks about it you dont seem to blink outside of eating...

RAGATHA:

"Oh, you're just a quirky lil fella!" Pretty much

Always thanks you when you greet her, she makes it a habit to greet you back when you enter a room

Tends to give you your favorite snacks, I think, but I think this can pass as a general hc rather than being specific to this post !

Little put off by the eye contact but does not turn away or show any discomfort; is able to push through it pretty well !

KINGER:

Okay so I know I mentioned some other characters being creeped out by the eye contact but I think kinger would be the most put off, asides gangle

But also I can totally see kinger having a staring problem; be it because hes lost in his thought and happens to be staring or some other thing

Accidental staring contests between you two/j

Feels like a real king when you personally greet him, probably bows a little and does a lil gesture with his hands before returning the greeting

Similar reaction as pomni when you blink-eat

Where did the food go??????

ZOOBLE:

I must admit, I think zooble would find you creepy, too <\3, or at least a little unsettling.. like sure they wont be mean to you unlike SOMEONE but they're a little put off by your odd behaviors

Though they would get accustomed to it in time, I think, especially since I have a whole "zooble ultimately doesnt care much about what's going as a means to cope w/ the digital circus as well as that just being their personality"

Does not like the eye contact, though; zooble seems like the type who wouldnt like eye contact... maybe I'm self projecting, though...

The eye contact definitely is what fed into the unsettling factor for them..

GANGLE:

The eye contact makes her so so nervous, she doesnt really have eyes the same way everyone else does but it still... makes her feel off

Similar to Caine she does feel nice when you greet her.. yes she knows out do it for everyone, but that doesnt dismiss the nice feeling she gets that someone is. Well being nice to her...

Shed like your voice, I think, oddly soothing and it's not too bold and out there.. not overwhelming, you know?

Not many ideas for gangle today <\3

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #jax x reader #ragatha x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

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barelytolerabled · 1 year

Text

Lost and Found

Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Summary: Your and Spencer’s son goes missing

Warnings: kidnapping, grief, smut (not explicit)

WC: 0.8

You and Spencer Reid had been happily married for several years when tragedy struck. Your child, a beautiful little boy named Jamie, had been kidnapped from his school. You were devastated, and you couldn't help but blame yourself. You had been running late that day and hadn't been there to pick him up on time.

You had been having a typical day, trying to juggle work and family responsibilities when you got the call that no parent ever wants to receive. It was the principal of Jamie's school, and her voice was strained as she explained that Jamie had been taken.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Panic and fear filled your chest as you frantically searched for your keys and rushed out the door, your heart pounding in your chest.

When you arrived at the school, it was a blur of flashing lights, uniformed officers, and concerned parents. You pushed your way through the crowd, tears streaming down your face as you searched for any sign of your precious little boy.

As time went on, the search for Jamie continued, but the lead seemed to be drying up. You were consumed with guilt, feeling like you had let your son down by not being there for him when he needed you the most. The thought of never seeing him again was unbearable, and you felt like you were living in a nightmare that wouldn't end.

The BAU team had done everything they could to find Jamie, but despite their best efforts, they had been unable to locate him. You and Spencer were beside yourselves with grief, and you clung to each other for comfort.

After Jamie had been missing for several days, Spencer had taken a leave of absence from the BAU to focus all of his energy on finding their son. He spent every waking moment either searching for leads or trying to comfort you, but nothing seemed to help ease the pain.

One evening, as you lay in bed, Spencer sat beside you with a determined look on his face.

"Honey, I promise you that we are going to find Jamie," he said, his voice soft and reassuring.

You didn't respond, just lay there staring at the wall, feeling numb and hopeless. Spencer took your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I know you're hurting, and I am too. But we can't give up. We have to keep fighting for Jamie."

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you still didn't say anything. You felt like there was a heavy weight on your chest, making it hard to breathe. Spencer didn't push you to talk, instead, he lay down beside you, pulling you close to him.

"I love you," he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "And I'm not going to give up until we find Jamie. We'll do whatever it takes."

You closed your eyes, feeling a small glimmer of hope in Spencer's words. You knew he was right, that you couldn't give up on finding Jamie. And as you lay there, wrapped in Spencer's embrace, you felt a sense of comfort and security that you desperately needed in that moment.

Several months after Jamie had gone missing, you were lying in bed with Spencer, tears streaming down your face. You had been reliving every moment of Jamie's abduction, and you couldn't shake the feeling of helplessness.

"My baby, my baby," Spencer whispered, holding you close. "Baby, my baby. Tell your baby that I'm your baby."

You looked up at him, your eyes filled with tears. "I can't," you said, your voice shaking. "I can't do this without him. He was our baby, and now he's gone."

Spencer wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. "I know, I know," he said, his voice full of sorrow. "But you still have me. I'm your baby, too."

You looked up at him, feeling a sense of comfort in his embrace. "You are my baby," you whispered, before pressing your lips to his.

As you and Spencer made love to each other, you both felt a sense of intimacy that went beyond physical pleasure. It was as if you were reminding each other of the depth of your love, the love that had brought you together and sustained you through the hardest of times. You held each other close, kissing each other deeply and exploring each other's bodies, seeking comfort and solace in each other's embrace.

In that moment, nothing else mattered except your love for each other. You forgot about the pain and heartache of Jamie's kidnapping, at least for a little while, and you surrendered to the intense pleasure that you both felt. It was as if you were rediscovering each other, reaffirming your commitment to each other in the face of tragedy.

As you lay there afterwards, wrapped in each other's arms, you knew that you were not alone. You had each other, and you had the love that had sustained you through the darkest of times. It was a powerful reminder that, no matter what happened in the future, you would always have each other's love to rely on.

#criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds x y/n #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid smut #spencer reid imagine

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sarafinamk · 1 month

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Fallen Angel (Smiling Critters Space Riders AU Reader Insert) Part 3

Summary: Without the red smoke to help you through rehab, you begin to experience thoughts and feelings that you never had before. It gets worse before it gets better, but don't worry. It DOES slowly get better.

Check out the other parts here. Also, check out Part 2 to my Incorrect Quotes if you haven't already. The Smiling Critters Space Riders AU belongs to @onyxonline. Enjoy!

TW: Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Injury, Imprisonment, Trauma, Death mentions, Mentions of murder, Religious Trauma, Religious Imagery and Symbolism, Religious Cults, Drug Withdrawal, Drug Addiction, Mentions of Self harm, Mention of Suicide Attempt, Mental Health Issues, Slight cursing, LOTS of negative thoughts, Implied Abuse, Conditioning

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You weren’t sure how long you’ve been imprisoned at the heretics’ main space station for. Based on the lines scribbled in your journal, and what those healers and heretics told you, the closest timeline you could estimate was a month and a half…

Could be more…

In your defense, being in and out of consciousness because of not only healing from your wounds but dealing with your hellish headspace gave you no chance of keeping track. You weren’t sure if you TRULY wanted to know how long it’s been though…

Some of your wounds, at least, have healed. If you weren’t wearing those power mufflers, all your wounds would have disappeared a long time ago. But, no.

Those heretics just HAD to insist you heal the hard way. It is bad enough that those healers and their knights were watching your every move on the cameras. There was no nook or cranny in your accommodation that wasn’t under constant surveillance. They didn’t even try to be discreet about them. What’s worse is that now you had your whole body, head, and face exposed, especially to the people hellbent on killing you. They didn’t even deserve to have a face to associate with the Archangel. It was for your own good, they said. All that did was leave you with voices in your head screaming at you to get out, run, and hide from those prying eyes.

So what if there were a few instances where you tried to scratch yourself until you were satisfied with the red on you? You just needed a way to stop yourself from feeling these weird feelings. It’s leaving you weak. What would the Prototype say if he saw you showing such weakness when you were raised better than this? The scratching never went as far as it did the first time, though and it would never be like that ever again. Not on the heretics’ watch. They would always intervene before the first sign of red.

You spent a lot of time thinking about the perfect escape plan. You would get those power mufflers off, destroy those cameras the first chance you get, create a void, (maybe kill a few heretics along the way to send a message), and make an easy escape back to the prototype. It’s just… you could never muster any energy to go through with your ideas. You hated that you grew so lazy and weak when no prison was able to keep you contained in the past.

What happened to you?

Where was your energy to fight back, to make those heretics pay for what they’ve done to you…?

But…

Why save you?

Probably to interrogate you, torture you for ALL the intel concerning your God, and once they get everything, kill you. They can sure as hell try, but you’d rather die than betray your God and family like this!

You groan, cradling your pounding head with one hand. You slide down against the wall. Even though you've been clean for some time now, but you're still trying to get used to this red smoke free headspace of yours. Now you're just left sitting with thoughts and feelings you never had to sit with before, and you hated how much it consumes you. You wished you had the red smoke to help you through this, to make you forget these feelings, to go back to normal. But the Prototype never came back for you… no rescue parties were made for you as far as you know.

A few healers and knights argued that if he really wanted you back, he would’ve come get you by now, but he didn’t, and none of your “friends or family” did either, so you might as well get used to being here. You reminded them every single time that you don’t have “friends” nor are you selfish enough to need any. The Prototype was all anybody needed. You had that argument about 26 times before you stopped. There was no point in continuing this fight if they just refused to see any sense.

You hated to admit it, but...

Maybe they're right.

Not once, in the entire time since you’ve been separated from the Prototype was he there when you needed him the most. Your chest and the back of your eyes burn. Your vision goes blurry. You clench your blanket draped around your shoulders and take a few deep breaths until the burning sensation is smothered, and your vision clears up. You are NOT going to let weakness consume you.

Not now.

Not ever.

Not as long as you’re at the mercy of the heretics.

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Here you are, three months deep into your rehab program, sitting on the floor, and studying another one of Bubba’s “philosophy books” as he called them. He gave you some so that "you weren’t left pacing back and forth in a cell or being stuck with your thoughts all day." Granted you do try to do a few exercises to build your strength back. You discovered it was the best way to distract your mind from the mere thought of desiring red smoke. At least the books give you more to do in your cell.

To you, it was all heretic propaganda to stray the weak-minded away from the divine truth. It was still intriguing to study about, all the same. Besides, if you're going to be staying with the heretics, then now is a good time to start learning about their world and culture. As much as you hate to admit it, you're beginning to understand why many heretics find these kinds of teachings appealing. Not only does it go against everything the Prototype preaches, but there were so many teachings to choose from. How do the heretics even know which teachings are true? How do they know which teachings they should follow for the rest of their lives?

It was all so strange.

Back home, there is only one absolute truth: everything that happens in the galaxy is thanks to the Prototype. He’s the eternal source of happiness, of wisdom, of strength, of a second chance at life. He is in control of all. He gives his people his gifts, and in turn, they serve him. They devote their lives to him. To not believe in this truth would mean certain death.

In the heretic world, it seems it is up to the individual to shape the world in their image. Apparently, to discover the truth, you have to be willing to question everything. But how do these heretics expect to survive if they're expected to find their own happiness? How can they be trusted to take control of their lives when they don't fully know whether they made the right decision or not? How are they able to peacefully co-exist despite their differing beliefs?

Perhaps it's something you can clarify with the Space Riders when they come in for yet another visit. They've visited you quite frequently, but it was all so strange. They never asked you anything about the Prototype or the cult. In fact, the topic of conversation was always about… you. They would ask what you have been doing in “rehab” as they call it, how you are managing your red smoke cravings, what you have learned, how are the books (in Bubba’s case), and possible arrangements that are to be made once you are back in their custody. When they exhausted those topics, then they would make conversation with you...

Er...

...More like they would TRY to make conversation with you and you would give short answers. Sometimes, you wouldn't say anything at all. They never forced you to speak, nor did they ever punish you for being insubordinate. Instead, they just moved on to a different topic. This was something you never understood, but maybe they just want you to let your guard down long enough before punishing you.

The echoing of footsteps gets louder and closer to your cell, pulling you away from your thoughts. The seven Space Riders greet you, make themselves comfortable in front of your cell, and begin with the usual questions about you. You bite the bullet and decide you might as well entertain them.

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eeldritchblast · 6 months

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Thoughts on Halsin

I want to preface this by saying I don't have anything particularly against Halsin as he is in game. But I do find him lacking in depth, when compared to everyone else.

Even without knowing that he was added as a full companion last minute, I would probably have guessed as much simply because there's not much to him beyond the role he plays in the Shadow-Curse quest of Act 2. This is lampshaded with dialogue about how he himself feels consumed by his determination to end the curse. But to me, that just feels like a cop-out. Imagine any other character looking at the camera and just saying "yeah I know I don't have much character beyond what happens to me in the plot, too bad?"

But I think the worst crime about his lack of development, is the fact that because he doesn't have a lot else going on, he feels a little overly sexualized to me; like he's just there for the player to thirst after because he's this big, bulky man. Now, to be clear, I don't care that he's horny, and I definitely don't care that he's poly. (My GF is a poly lesbian, and honestly I could see myself having more than one romantic relationship , too, if someone else was ever interested in me like that and cool with it.) What I'm trying to say is, because he's lacking in other areas, leaving those traits being of his few you can list, it makes them feel of less value, and makes him feel more like a sex prop. And if you're gonna have a character with rape victim as part of his background like Halsin has, then that's the last thing you want, I think.

So, what more could be done with Halsin?

I once made a joke that someone should draw Halsin in a "Big Auntie Energy" shirt. For those of you who aren't Native, let me try to translate: In most if not all Indigenous Nations, we often call women who are champions of our cultures and communities "Auntie", whether they are actually literally your aunt or not. An Auntie is someone you dearly love, and trust to guide you. Halsin already plays something of a mentor figure to the protagonist—indeed, dev notes even call him "avuncular"—so why not lean into it further by showing what he does for others, too? Pretending that there was more development time allotted, here's what I would've liked to see...

"This place crawls with life, but little of it flourishes. I see refugees, unhoused. The destitute, unwanted. Orphans, unloved. … I wish there was a better way. I wish everyone could see the sun, have a full belly, and know nature as a friend. There is a balance that is yet to be found." —Halsin

After ending the Shadow-Curse, Halsin says he needs to find a new purpose. I feel like his purpose could easily align with his horror of the inequalities of Baldur's Gate. Instead of just talking about how awful it is, why not allow the player to challenge him to try and change things, then? For example, I like to imagine Halsin telling stories to the orphans in Rivington, providing them comfort and someone to look up to. Or another example: Halsin helping out in or maybe starting some kind of charity meal program. It's small, but it's enough to say that he could actually grow a little as a person within the game's story. And it would add at least a little bit of engagement on the player's end as well, instead of feeling like the relationship with Halsin, platonically, is one-sided.

This all doesn't come from nowhere, by the way. If you exclusively romance Halsin, he says goodbye to the player in the end because he is leading a group of people into Thaniel's realm to start a new life. But personally, I feel like this is too great a leap back into an Archdruid role he specifically rejected, because he didn't like it. It also would've been nice to get this kind of dialogue without having to romance him; to know what lies ahead for Halsin as a friend, too.

Now, that's the good ending. But almost all the companions in BG3 have a "good" and "evil" ending. I feel like this really adds a lot of insight into the characters, because they feel real through it; we all have the potential to make good and bad choices, after all. So what could be Halsin's evil-aligned ending? Well, remember when he questions if the Shadow Druids actually have a point? How about giving the player the opportunity to push him further down that path instead... Shadow Druid Halsin, holy shit.

Now, there's one more thing I want to circle back to: Halsin's past. He very casually speaks of his time as a captive in the Underdark. And maybe it was so long ago that he's long dealt with such trauma, but still, I really wish there was a way to say "hey bud, that's really fucked up and I'm sorry that happened to you." But there's not a single dialogue option that allows you to express sympathy, besides just saying "that's awful", which doesn't cut it. Halsin himself says, "sometimes I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt." Not allowing the player to be sensitive to his feelings goes exactly against this message not to judge a person's emotions by physical appearances.

Anyway, Halsin is a character that I think has a lot of potential, but doesn't quite reach it in game. I think it's great that he was given a bigger role due to popularity, but I just wish that role was expanded on to the same degree as the other companions.

#halsin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #meta #rape tw

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myun-saidthoughts · 1 year

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Why 8H/12H/Plutonian Synastry Feels 'Karmic'

In most cases, when someone's inner planets fall in your 8th/12th houses or if someone's Pluto makes harsh aspects (conjunct, square, oppose) to your Sun, Moon, Rising, Mars or Venus; the energy you'll feel from them is intoxicating, it'll be all-consuming, its energy you deep down crave, and energy you don't have within, but wish you'd possessed.

When someone enters your life and they touch these parts of you, any voids your inner self has, disappears. When you're with them; a part of you will feel complete and any upheaval you have within somehow vanishes. Suddenly, the part of you that you avoid, hide, ignore or suppress feels at ease, they are the cushion your soul wishes for.

(This kind of energy is profoundly different when this is dealing with family relations, e.g., your mother's or father's inner planets fall in your 8H/12H and vice versa.)

This is karmic energy because with them you feel your best, but without them, you'll feel your worst. Their presence becomes this necessity that you'll always desire for, once they enter your energy field you'll always need a quick fix, they become this pacifier for your pain and you'll develop a scarcity mindset without them. You'll grow a need for them because without them you can't feel this "high." Without them, you only feel the fear of what it means to be open and vulnerable, without them, you only feel the fear of what it truly means to express suppressed emotions and without them you only feel the fear of letting someone in.

You're terrified of giving a part of yourself to another but with them, that part of you feels healed.

The intensity of this synastry will vary, but for those who are are influenced heavy by Pluto or have natal Scorpio placements with 8H/12H placements with the Moon/Sun making harsh aspects to Neptune/Pluto who may have deep paternal/past partnership wounds (e.g, an absent or un-nurturing parent/s, a chaotic or recluse kind of mother, a bipolar abusive father/past partner; it all depends), will feel this heavy. The absence of the worth you wish you felt from your parents or past partner has now brought this person (who touches the darkest and deepest parts within you) to you.

The fact of the matter is the same. This person came into your life to highlight these neglected needs of yours as a catalyst for you to transform, heal and become a more secure and stable individual.

In some cases, they become this false home in your eyes, a look from them will make you feel warm, and finally for once, you'll start to feel complete. You will feel like it's safe enough to fall for them because they'll make you feel secure within yourself, (the same feeling you wish you could hold onto) their touch will feel like a bandaid from the kind of love you've received from previous relationships/parents, so you'll accept it; even to your own detriment. You'll suddenly feel the care you've always wished you felt and that's why the thought of them leaving or the thought of them choosing someone else feels gut wrenching. They become this savior you deeply wish you had.

The reason this type of energy is so easy to become attached to yet feels so hard to let go is because it's energy that you crave, it pacifies (for the time being) your pain. They are an outside manifestation of what you wish to feel on your own. They're just a reflection of what's 'broken' in you, and it's easier to give your power away, than to give it to yourself.

To look at someone with fear of them leaving will only create situations and scenarios where your self worth is tested over and over again, you'll start to feel the same terror you felt as a child, the same terror you say you try to run from.

You know you will feel this intense loss without them, yet when they're looking into your eyes; that 'feeling' feels okay. That's why this synastry is so transformative and can be life-changing.

Within, there's a desire for someone to erase the hurt that was created by circumstances you couldn't control. And because of this, the universe has planted this individual to enter your life. Naturally the pain you've endured is hard to overcome or accept, only until you have too will the healing really begin, and this person is a catalyst for just that.

You have to choose yourself instead of someone else, and because of constant disappointment, hurt or abandonment you've experienced, that's terrifying.

How can you choose yourself or let yourself receive unconditional love? You're not familiar with that energy so it's feels foreign to you, yet when someone's Pluto make significant aspects to your inner planets or when someone's planets fall in your 8/12 houses, their language and words will feel native and fluent to you.

These questions are the exact reasons why you are experiencing this karmic situation.

Your soul knew what kind of circumstances you were going to deal with, and it wants you to heal. It wants you to accept that pain. The universe does not want you to sit in this pain, it wants you to succeed, accept and overcome any and all challenges that you've dealt with.

You're not alone in this, and you didn't come to this Earth to only experience the same never ending cycles.

This experience is only a pit-stop for you, at the end of it all you will reach your final enlightenment destination.

P.S:

This post is particularly for those who struggle with self-worth/self-love/confidence etc. 8th and 12th house synastry can be beautiful when both partners are healed and accepting of their harsh past. The depths of emotions you two can create together is unworldly and powerful. Therefore I do think 8H/12H can work but it would have to be with two profound open-minded and spiritual people. You both will have to want this in ways you've never could have imagined before. I'm also a Scorpio Moon and 12H native so this energy for me does feel more enticing, but to each their own and it really depends on the natal chart/individual itself.

Side Note: To balance the intensity these synastry aspects/overlays bring, taking on the opposite houses themes would bring more ease and create less intensity.

For example, dealing with 12H (Even Neptune) synastry, the opposite house is the 6H, the house of routine, daily life, mundane affairs, healthcare, helping others/giving etc etc. So if you take on new hobbies/activities by changing your daily routine with adding or taking away something, that will ease the fixation that 12H synastry brings. Often times with this synastry you will find yourself day dreaming or obsessing over someone you desire, you may have this innate need to be their savior or try and fix their wounds, so you will put yourself in situations where your priority is solely them. you could also fantasize and have an escapist attitude with them, (or the idea of them) they can be an escape for you or you might find yourself thinking about them a lot, repeating scenarios in your head or fantasizing about situations happening, or you might feel confused/hazy with where you stand with them so you constantly are thinking of them but keeping yourself busy is key with this synastry, and that will create more control within you.

For 8H/Pluto synastry, the opposite house is the 2H, the house of value, self esteem, possessions, finances and security etc. So to gain more control within, I would say find something that will bring value to you, something that enhances your self esteem. Something you can accomplish on your own or achieve/do that will bring you a higher sense of self. Because their eyes alone bring you that sense of value or sense of wholeness (you wish you felt on your own), focusing or harnessing your energy towards a deep creative project will ease that "need" for them (the planet person). Create something anything; writing, painting, or learn ways to make more income etc, this will bring you the sense of worthiness or value you crave for and these projects/creative outlets will ease the intensity. If you have many outlets that bring you the satisfaction that you yearn for (the sense of value that the 8H planet person brings you) there will be less of a need for them, and you won't develop a scarcity mindset because without them you still feel valuable, whole, and worthy.

I have an eBook, and with it has more precise definitions regarding the placements of the IC, Moon aspects, and the potential manifestations of each inner planet in the 8th or 12th house for individuals. As well as it provides information if the person you're connected to is a karmic connection, it has advice, insights and exact transits/synastry overlays to further understand the connection. You can find more information about it pinned on my page.

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nanaminsmoon · 10 months

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𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 (pt.1)

a/n: i've been writing this on and off for 4 damn days because i wasn't the happiest with it, but i kinda like this one. also, to the anon who requested that girls night v boys night that started this whole thing, i hope you're having an amazing day love!!

previous part

cw: black fem!reader x ony x eren, not much since everything happens in the next part👀, poor ony though:((

wc: 4128 + lazily proofread

balls empty, and thoughts scattered, eren had trudged out of you and ony’s shared apartment alone, physically. but his mind was kept company by his newly multiplied want for you; want he hadn’t sought, but it had clung itself onto him with no intentions of letting go. the look you gave him as your mouth robbed him of his soul was unlike anything else he had ever experienced—looking into your own, it was as if his eyes had been blessed with sight for the very first time. on that day, their sole purpose became to look into yours, and when you weren’t around, their colour had just become a physical manifestation of his envy. ony didn’t know it yet, but those videos and that half an hour spent with you had birthed a monster in eren’s mind. one that yearned for you more than he ever had any woman. one that could only be tamed by a swim into deep brown pools he was forbidden to even dip his toe into. and, one that consumed all his energy; eren didn’t even remember how he got home. all he knew was that he got into his car, started it, then, the next time he blinked, he was facing his ceiling.

but that evening hadn’t just had adverse effects on eren, it had been eating you up too. not only the constant thoughts of him, but seeing him after that day was extremely awkward, for some more than others. for some, it was just a simple case of pretending like it had never happened. and for others, it wasn’t that simple. because how could you forget about eren when you had literally had his dick in your throat?? how were you supposed to pretend your eyes weren’t locked for a beat too long? especially after that beat began drumming its way all over your body, throwing off the rhythm of the organ between your ribcage. a part of you hoped you could just never see him again, so you could just get over it before you found yourself in a situation that could ruin your relationship. but being in the same friendship circle meant that that was next to impossible.

a few weeks after that evening, you would cross paths with eren again. jean was having a pool party, and, even among the large herds of people there, your focus would be on one man. and it wasn’t the one holding your waist, and kissing your cheek. it was the one who had tried to will himself to just forget about you. but that task had become arduous; even when surrounded by pretty women in bikinis, his vision’s sole focal point was you. it got to the point where he didn’t even care to hide his need to scan your body through your outfit. should anyone notice, he would just claim that he was looking at ony. making an excuse was his only option, because looking away was not going to happen. the moment he laid his eyes on you, everything stopped. sound stopped permeating his ear canals, smells refused to enter his nostrils, and his chest longed to be reunited with the organ you held in your pretty brown hands. it was clear now that his need for you was beyond physicality; he needed your affection, he needed your time, and he needed your attention.

and he’d get all of it, when you’d scan the room and almost instantaneously, your eyes would latch onto his emerald green ones. that eye contact would last far too long, before eren would nod his head at a corner, away from everyone else. and you’d shake your head. the emotional results of that day meant talking to him without ony would feel wrong. but eren would persist, mouthing;

”come on”, but you’d just shake your head again. you didn’t know where ony stood with eren after that day. had everything been put to rest, or was he avoiding him on purpose because he knew something you didn’t? whatever the case was, the way you now felt about your boyfriend’s brown haired friend meant that it would feel wrong to even—

”you good?”, ony looked down to you, breaking your chain of thought with his voice, and undoing every bond of said chain with his soft gaze.

”hm?”, you hummed. ony noticed that your response seemed off. the fact that it took you so long to get it out being even weirder. it was obvious that you were lost in something else. and the fact that it could’ve actually been someone else, made ony take it upon himself to just look in the direction you had been shaking your head at. once he did, a part of him wished he hadn’t because he was met with lidded, green panic.

”’s it him?”, he muttered lowly. all your mouth could do was open, then close again. because your mind was still busy trying to shake itself of eren. so busy that it didn’t even notice how you weren’t speaking to ony, just staring up at him in bewilderment. that told him everything he needed to know.

”stay here”, ony went to walk over to eren and, by then, you had regained control of your cognitive processes again, so you could instruct your hand to place itself on ony’s arm to hold him back. shaking your head as you did so.

”let me talk to him”, you spoke out, and ony reluctantly nodded and let you walk off to eren.

wading through the dancing people to find eren was fairly easy because, as soon as he saw you leave ony’s side, he made a beeline straight towards you. you couldn’t see him making his way to you, you just felt a firm pair of hands on your arms. once you looked up, you saw eren and before you could even say anything, you were on your way outside. not a single word said, eren would lead you to some steps, where you’d both sit.

”hey.”, he said softly, a kind smile on his face. fuck, you thought. how were you supposed to suppress the way you felt about this man if he made it so hard for you?

”what’d you wanna talk about?”, you put up a cold front, in hopes that the warm glint in his eyes would freeze over, and stop warming your body from the inside out.

”nothing, i just…just wanted to talk to you”, his voice remained soft. fear of the funny feeling in your chest growing glued your eyes to the ground. but, from beside you, you could hear eren taking a deep sigh. it was as if the temperature of the warm summer breeze had dropped by ten degrees—delicate air chilling into knives stabbing into your skin. and the only man who could protect you from them was still inside, so you got up to go find him.

the hearing he had lost at the sight of you earlier, had returned in full force at your sudden movement, and eren reached his hand out to grab your wrist. the strong desire for you to stay held too much force, hurling you into eren’s lap. with you on them, all the blood in his thighs ran cold. instead rushing to the space in between his legs. before you could even get up, one of his hands was on your waist, firmly holding you close to him. and the index finger of the other was turning your head to face him,

”i miss you.”, eren’s words made you feel dizzy, because how the hell were you meant to respond??

”eren—”, you started, but he cut you off. even eren didn’t know what he was saying, he just knew that he had to get this out before it festered for too long and turned into something unmanageable.

”just hear me out. you ain’t gotta tell me this is fucked up, because i already know. but i can’t stop thinking about you”, as soon as those words left his mouth, your own opened to sigh deeply. that was really the last thing you needed to hear from him. and the piss cherry on the shit cake was that you felt the exact same way. but telling him that would open a sickly can of worms, so you just had to put your head in your hands to figure out how you were going to reason your way out of this.

eren, on the other hand, was far beyond reason. the fact that you hadn’t moved from him told him that you wanted him just like he wanted you, but you didn’t want to say it. whether it was because you cared for ony too much, or you didn’t know how to, he didn’t know. but he would attempt to fill in the confused gaps in your mind with his next words. because eren would pull your hands from your face, taking one of them into one of his own, to say;

“y/n, you’re the first person on my mind when i wake up, and the last thing i think about before i fall asleep. if i could, i’d take you into a room somewhere and fu—”, that end of that sentence wasn’t important to you, because the beginning told you that it would’ve been inappropriate anyways.

”eren.”, just that one word told eren what he already knew, but he would continue playing dumb.

”what?”,

”ony.”, your eyes diverted to the party as you realised that you had left ony. so, any minute now, he could start looking for you and find you on his best friend’s lap. but you wouldn’t have even been able to tell that eren was said best friend with his following words,

”what about him?”,

”he’s your friend.”, you got up from his lap, and he got up with you.

”but you’re…you.”, those words exhausted you as much as they devastated you. if you could, you’d go back to that night at ymir’s house and drink that damn shot so you’d never have to answer the very question that got you into this position. fuck sasha and her big fucking mouth, you thought.

”eren…”, his name sounded beautiful falling from your lips, and that drew eren’s eyes to them. the sight of them hastened the beat of his heart, and he was sure that pressing his lips against yours would slow it down again. so he placed a hand on your cheek and, when you didn’t remove it, he moved closer to you. half of your stillness was due to shock, but the other half came from wanting to kiss him. ony didn’t matter in that moment…until he did. and the thought of doing such a thing to him, with his best friend all of people, rose your hands to pull eren’s from you.

”no, eren. we can’t”, you shook your head, and eren’s heart began falling.

”what, i can put my dick in your mouth, but a kiss is too far?”, he argued, and you began walking off. he wouldn’t let you get far before walking to stand in front of you, and block your way.

”ony knew about that.”, you rebutted.

”okay, we can tell him about this afterwards.”, his hands rose to your face again, but you pulled back before they could make contact.

”eren.”,

”y/n.”,

”i’m not cheating on my boyfriend.”, you said.

”it’s not cheating if we’ve alr—”, eren’s desparate voice was interrupted by a stern one,

”she said no, eren”. hearing those simple four words, all eren could do was close his eyes in frustration, and bow his head. you didn’t even want to think about how much of that interaction ony had seen, but you hoped he didn’t assume the worst.

you had been gone for far too long and, as painful as it was to say, ony had little to no trust in his friend when it came to you. so he went to look for you, and what he found was you sat on eren’s lap with his hand on your chin. to say it didn’t make his blood boil would’ve been an outright lie. but ony had just stood watching you and eren. he could see that eren had obviously upset you with his words, but he couldn’t discern what the context of them was. but once he stood by the door leading to where you and eren were, the steam from his boiling insides nearly made his head explode. he’d beckon for you to come to him and, once you’d scurried over, he’d nod for you to go back inside.

”the fuck are you doin’?”, he asked eren, balled fists in his pockets.

”talking”, eren turned to face ony. ony had never seen his friend this brazen, and it infuriated him. but he kept calm as he walked over to eren.

”don’t give me that bullshit. what do you want, jaegar?”, eren would think for only a few seconds before speaking,

”give me one night with her”, he quickly admitted, and ony just chortled.

”i’m not gonna pimp my girl out to you, eren”, ony began to walk away, waving eren off. but eren just continued.

”that’s not what i’m asking for”, he defended, ”we both know she wants that threesome, so let’s just give it to her”, ony’s steps stilled.

”and what do i get outta that?”, he spoke, his back still to eren.

”you make her happy”, eren shrugged, and ony let out an incredulous laugh.

”d’you hear yourself?”, he finally turned to face his friend again. ony had hoped that once he turned, he’d only need to take one look at eren’s face to see that he was joking. but, looking at eren, no such indicator was present on his face.

”let’s just ask her”, eren suggested, “no pressure, we just let her decide. you love to spoil the girl, so let her have this one thing”,

”she got that one thing a month ago when i was gracious enough to let you fuck her face”, a part of ony hoped that eren was just drunk and unaware of what he was saying. because there was absolutely now way he was being this callous towards someone he called a close friend.

”but i don’t want her face this time”, ony just scoffed again. this nigga has got to be fucking with me, he thought, “what, you think i can’t take it?”. ony’s legs would lead him to a mere step away from eren’s face, fists trying not to punch some sense into the man in front of him.

”i don’t give a fuck what you can or can’t take. that’s my girl, you ain’t fucking her.”, ony’s words were spaced out by his finger poking at eren’s chest—hoping that the physical manifestation of his words would help them go through eren’s thick skull.

there were no words to describe the fury ony felt at what he had just seen and heard. a voice in the back of his head blamed himself for all of this. had he not been so extra, none of this shit would’ve even happened. even if eren had already harboured feelings for you before all this happened, he could’ve tried to talk him out of them. but now, he feared eren was too far gone. and an uneasy feeling brewed in his chest at the sudden realisation that eren might not be only one. he saw eren speak to you so earnestly, meaning he saw the way you weren’t too adamant to stop him. his love for you pleaded for him to give you the benefit of the doubt, but his critical thinking told him otherwise.

and, once he got back inside the party, ony didn’t say anything to you, he just started saying his goodbyes to all his friends. had you not been following him around, you wouldn’t have even noticed what was going on until he was leaving. everyone could tell something was off and seeing as you were just shadowing him, as opposed to attached to his hip as usual, they knew that you had to have argued. guilt twisted all of your internal organs, the salty product of their labour flowing from your eyes. and it didn’t stop, even as ony opened your car door for you. you would mutter a sniffly ‘thank you’, and he’d just nod before walking over to his side of the car. reminiscent of the night that started this whole thing, the atmosphere in the car would be gravely silent. the only sound being quiet music you had played to try and drown out your sniffles and crying.

”that why you wanted to talk to him?”, ony spoke, both to fill the silence and to satiate his curiosity. but you just rolled your teary eyes at him, ”so he can kiss you?”,

”you didn’t see me swerve him?”, you voiced, and the circular steering wheel almost grew misshapen at how hard ony was gripping it.

”yeah, but the fact that you even entertained hi—”, you cut ony off. maybe it was the reprise of the guilt from earlier, but you couldn’t let him finish that sentence.

”entertained him? ony, he’s our friend”, the words ‘our’ and ’friend’ made ony’s ears burn. in his eyes, you were basically siding with eren because there was no way you were that oblivious. he had expected you to validate him, and condemn eren, but it was beginning to sound like you were doing the exact opposite.

”he also has a crush on you, so letting him touch your fucking face, y/n—”, mid sentence, his words were stopped by your own. there was an agreement between you and ony that stated that, no matter the circumstances, arguments between the two of you would always remain respectful. you didn’t always have to agree, but you should at least speak to each other with some semblance of love.

”okay, imma need you to calm down.”, you said and then ony was the one to roll his eyes.

although it should’ve done, ony telling you that eren had a crush on you didn’t bother you. it bothered the part of your heart you were trying to exterminate. that was the part of you that grew just a little bit bigger at hearing eren’s admissions. the part of you that welcomed the penitence that came with knowing you that you were falling for your boyfriend’s best friend. perhaps ‘falling’ was too strong of a word, but what else does one call the joyful twirling in your stomach at the sight of eren. or the feeling of wanting to call him before you go to sleep just so his voice can be the lullaby that walks you into your subconscious mind. the same subconscious mind that keeps you up at night with twisted films of eren holding you, gentle fingertips brushing against you, as promises spill from his lips into yours as the two meet. all before he fades into background noise drowned out by ony waking you up. your love for ony hadn’t disappeared, but your love for eren had just grown in its shadow.

”so what if he does?”, you said, and ony’s head nearly flew off his neck at him as he turned from the road to your face, ”he could never take me from you”, you reassured.

”i know that”, was all he said before his gaze returned to the road. and you wanted to end the conversation right there. no, you should’ve ended the conversation right there, but the actions of your subconscious mind had oozed into the rest of it.

”but…”, your eyes stayed on your fingers playing with your nails, so you didn’t see ony’s dubious eyes studying your body language. the suspicious critical thinking from earlier came back to tell him that whatever it was you wanted to say, he didn’t want to hear it.

”whatever you’re about to say, no.”, ony cut you off, turning the music up louder as a sign for you to stop talking until you had both calmed down. but you just needed a chance to explain yourself, so you would turn the music back down. wearing a mask of innocent comfort to hide the fear of upsetting him, you’d place a hand on ony’s thigh.

”listen to me.”, your voice was quiet, so ony could tell that whatever you were about to say, you weren’t confident in doing so, ”give him a chance”, and ony had to blink several times to confirm that he was living in reality, and not some alternate universe wherein his girlfriend wanted to fuck his best friend.

”y/n.”, the monotony in his voice made it very difficult to figure out just how he felt about this whole thing, but you’d press on anyways.

”hear me out.”, he sighed, but let you carry on, ”let him just…get over this. let him just…fuck this crush out.”, ony had half a mind to just swerve into traffic—his mind telling him there’d be no consequences because he was wrapped in a blanket of subconscious protection. he had to be dreaming—how could all of his worst doubts be realised in such a short span of time? the fact that he knew this was the case, but bypassed it because he loved you made a low scoff leave his mouth.

”so you do wanna fuck him?”, he asked. the honest answer you knew he wanted, was one that soured your mouth to give. so you’d have to mix it in with the smoky flavour of excuses so it’d be, both, easier for him to take, and easier for you to admit.

”not…really. but…”, you paused, ”he’s just hung up on it—”, ony tsked as he shook his head. he could see right through what you were doing; you weren’t oblivious, so if that was the case then you were just lying to him. which he, obviously, wouldn’t take well to.

”you.”, he interrupted, and you looked to him, ”he’s hung up on you”,

”fine, he’s hung up on me because all he knows of me is his imagination. so if we just give him the real thing then he’ll leave this whole thing alone”,

”and if he doesn’t?”, you remained silent for a moment because that’s something you hadn’t thought about; the feelings you and eren had for each other growing stronger. it was possible, but you would fool your brain into thinking you would be able to overcome it.

”then he’ll at least know what it feels like, so he can get over me and find someone else”, the red light illuminating the side of ony’s face, as he looked directly at you, seemed like a gross representation of how he felt. it was like you could finally see his anger painted on his face. yet, giving up on this after having been the one to suggest it, seemed like it would only cause more problems.

”it’s either that or he’ll never stop asking, and things will always be awkward”, was your final argument. there was nothing else you had to say after that—if ony refused then you’d find a way to get over eren without him ever knowing. and if he agreed, then the force from the car turning would pull your body to the passenger door.

”the fuck are you doing?”, you rubbed your arm to sooth the consequences of ony’s abrupt actions.

”you’re so lucky i love you”, was all he said to you, as he began driving in the opposite direction. you’d hum in confusion and the answer your boyfriend would give would both excite, and terrify you.

”you wanna fuck him? you’ll fuck him. i don’t want this shit hanging over my head, so let’s just get it done.”,

#nanaminsmooninc #aot x black reader #aot x black y/n #onyankopon x black reader #ony x black y/n #aot onyankopon #aot eren #eren x black reader #eren x black fem!reader #ony x black reader

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aisclosed · 1 year

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Match Found ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ - 8. night night

Synopsis: Jungwon is sick of his friends' constant teasing over his lack of gaming skills. Determined to secretly improve and prove enha wrong, Jungwon sets out to learn to play, except he has no clue where to begin. Luckily for him, y/n is a girl with too much time on her hands, a desperate need for distraction and is more than happy to indulge him. Only, things are never that simple and Jungwon soon finds it difficult to explain exactly what the pair have become.

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smau + (3.3k) written work (srry lol i have no excuse )

warnings: mentions of death and parental neglect. mentions of injury and blood. cursing.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I gotta go,” Jungwon curses to himself as he hops around the room, pulling on his sneakers and grabbing his hoodie off of his chair. Running his fingers through his hair, Jungwon spins aimlessly in the middle of his room, eyes darting around frantically for a glimpse of his keys and wallet.

Fucking hell. I don't have time for this. I'll just text someone to let me in tomorrow. Jungwon abandons the seemingly impossible task and bursts out of his room, startling Heeseung who looks up at him through a mouthful of ramen.

“Hyung, I need your car. I'll bring it back sometime tomorrow. Where are your keys? Jungwon asks, feet tapping impatiently against the floor.

Heeseung only stares back in wide eyed confusion, swallowing harshly. "Woah Jungwon, you good? Where are you even heading out this late?"

Jungwon groans in exasperation, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look hyung, I need to get to Y/N's right now. It's important and I'm worried. Can we please save the story time for later? Either give me your keys or I'm just gonna run there."

Heeseung' stare softens at Jungwon's anxious demeanor and he pushes away from the table, standing up. "I'll drive you, it's not safe for you to be on the road when you're this worked up. Come on, let's go"

Jungwon doesn't wait for Heeseung to finish his sentence, walking briskly out the door without a second glance. Heeseung gives his half eaten bowl of ramen one last doleful look "I'll be back for you baby girl,” sighing as he follows Jungwon out.

The car ride is tense to say the least. Any attempts of making jokes or small talk are quickly shut down by a sharp glare from the passenger seat. Jungwon knows he's being irrational, that Heeseung is doing him a favor and he should be grateful and much nicer. But the hammering of his heart against his ribs won’t allow him to act rationally and he knows that Heeseung understands, he always does. So Jungwon vows to thank him and apologize properly later but for now, he allows his mind to be consumed by thoughts of you.

As the car finally turns down the familiar street of your place, Jungwon's fingers drum insistently against his bouncing thigh. His energy begging to be expended as he resists the urge to just jump out of the car and run up all 42 flights to your side. A gentle pat on his shoulder brings him back to reality, and Jungwon turns to meet his friend's warm gaze.

"Don't worry Jungwon. Y/N seems like a strong girl. I'm sure she’s fine. And even if she's not, she will be eventually." Heeseung says softly.

Jungwon nods stiffly, willing himself to believe Heeseung's words.You were fine. You had to be. "You can pull over here hyung, it's that building. Thanks for taking me" he mutters quietly, unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Alright Jungwon, do you want me to wait for you out here? Or go up with you?" Heeseung asks as the car rolls to a stop.

"No. Go home hyung. I'll see you tomorrow." Jungwon says firmly and takes off in a brisk jog.

Knowing he was almost at his destination did nothing to calm the jitters that ran down his spine. If anything, it just spurred him to run even faster, ignoring the curious looks he got as he moved through the familiar lobby, dashing into the waiting elevator.

Come on, come on, come on. Y/N why the fuck do you have to live all the way at the top. The numbers on the elevator ascend at a tortuous pace and Jungwon feels as if he might just lose his mind. The chime of the doors opening finally puts him out of his misery and Jungwon sends up a silent prayer that Chenle was right about your code as he punches it into the keypad.

A green flash assures Jungwon that his luck hadn’t run out completely and he walks in, blinking as his eyes adjust to the darkness. Your house is eerily silent, only illuminated by the lights of the metropolis outside your windows.

"Y/N?" Jungwon calls out anxiously, moving towards your room, receiving no answer in return. Jungwon’s ears prick at the faint sobs coming from the opposite direction and he goes to your living room to find you sitting on the floor staring out the large windows. He approaches you cautiously, there's a crunch under the boot of his shoe and Jungwon looks down in confusion to find the marble covered in shards of glass and swirls of red fluid. For a moment, Jungwon’s heart drops to his stomach but he breathes a sigh of relief as the astringent smell hits his nose and he realizes the culprit is wine.

Your head turns away from the cityscape at the sound of crushed glass, brows knitting in confusion when you find Jungwon staring back at you.

"Jungwon? What are you doing here?" You ask breathily, eyes dilating as you take in his appearance.

He rakes his eyes over your figure, scanning for any trace of injury and for a second Jungwon is at a loss for words. Your eyes are rimmed red, cheeks still streaked with the remnants of tears and yet Jungwon can’t help the way his breath hitches at the sight of you under the moonlight. It’s almost hauntingly beautiful and he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to forget how you look up at him that night.

"Chenle told me what happened. ,” Jungwon starts carefully, “Your friends said that you weren't answering their calls. I was- We were worried about you,"Jungwon amends.

Your eyes prick at the reminder of what exactly had gotten you into your current state. You wipe furiously at your eyes, glaring out the window. "He shouldn't have bothered you with this shit. I'm sorry you had to come all this way Jungwon, I was just being stupid and dramatic."

A mix of shame and anger swirls at the pit of your chest at the realization that once again you had troubled and burdened your friends. You know better, you silently reprimand yourself, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

You push yourself up to your feet, ignoring Jungwon's warnings in your haste to get up. "I'll message them. You can go home I'm fine-" you wince, your words halting at the feeling of a sharp sting against your palm.

In a flash, Jungwon is by your side, firmly grabbing your wrist. "I told you to be careful. You are not fine. And I am not going to go home." He says firmly, staring into your eyes with a steely gaze.

Dumbly, you nod back at him and he huffs, looking down and examining the beads of blood that have begun to pool in the crevices of your palm. "It doesn't look that deep but we should still disinfect it and wrap it. Do you have a first aid kit?"

"In my room," you mutter . And Jungwon hums, promptly picking you up bridal style ignoring the startled gasp that escapes your lips. “There's glass on the floor," Jungwon cuts you off before you can protest, carrying you over to your room.

He pushes the door open deftly with his shoulder, setting you down on your bed. You look at him with slight amusement, entertained by how seriously Jungwon was taking his job as your caretaker.

He looks at you expectantly and you smile, “The kit’s in my bedside table, second drawer,” you offer helpfully, to which he nods and begins rummaging through your cabinet.

Unable to resist teasing any longer, you clear your throat and speak up, “You know you could've just gotten me my slippers or something instead of carrying me Jungwon,” you smirk.

You laugh as he visibly pauses mid search, mumbling a "shut up", his ears glowing a faint red. Jungwon brings the first aid kit over to you, batting your hand away as you try to take it from him.

"I can do it," you offer, pursing your lips as Jungwon deadpans at you, pulling your injured hand into his lap. "Your dominant hand is literally cut and bleeding Y/N. How are you going to disinfect and bandage this big ass gash with only one hand?"

"I’ve seen people do it all the time in movies, it can’t possibly be that hard. I’ll be fine,” you whine, trying to yank your hand away from his grasp.

Jungwon scoffs, flicking your forehead, "Stop being stubborn and just let me take care of you."

"I don't know if I can trust you to take care of me if you're assaulting your patients like this," you pout, rubbing your forehead. "At least put on a sexy nurse costume or something, it’ll make you look more reliable.”

Jungwon doesn't dignify your joke with a response, focusing instead on your wound. He carefully wipes away the blood, checking for any stray pieces of glass. With a warning, he gently presses the antiseptic to your cut, whispering an apology when you wince. He diligently bandages your hand, turning it over and tracing the bandage gingerly to make sure it's entirely secure. You watch wordlessly as Jungwon’s fingers graze the curves of your hands and fingers, his touch feather light.

Looking up at your uncharacteristic silence, Jungwon’s not quite sure what to make of the emotions that pool in your eyes. There’s a foreign intensity behind them and his eyes can't help but flicker down to your lips. The air is stifling and Jungwon wants nothing more than to close the distance, to draw the air he so desperately needs from your lips.

Instead, he opts to look away, coughing awkwardly. "All done. You should probably change" he gestures to your wine stained dress. You look at him in contemplation, noting the slight flush on the back of his neck, watching as his Adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows, eyes trained on your wall.

Taking pity on him, you walk towards your dresser, letting the tension dissipate into the stale air. You rifle through your clothes, pulling out a pair of shorts and an oversized tee that either Chenle or Haechan had left behind during your group sleepovers.

“Turn around, I’m gonna change,” you warn half-heartedly, waiting for a beat before starting to tug your dress over your head. Jungwon immediately turns, busying himself with his phone. He shoots both Chenle and Heeseung a text, assuring both of them that everything was alright, desperately trying to block out the sounds of rustling fabric behind him.

Jungwon keeps his head bowed, eyes glued to his screen until he feels the bed dip next to him and a slight tug on the hem of his shirt. “You texted Chenle?” you ask casually, humming when he nods in confirmation.

You try to feign nonchalance but struggle to meet Jungwon’s eyes as you prepare yourself for the conversation ahead. “So, he told you?”

"Yeah." Jungwon admits quietly.

"About what happened today? Or everything.”

"Everything."

"Hm, I see.” you fiddle absentmindedly with Jungwon’s shirt, pulling at the stray threads in the frayed ends.

“I'm sorry that he told me. And I'm sure Chenle's sorry he had to tell me as well. He was just worried about you,” Jungwon prods tentatively, unsure of your reaction.

“No, I know. I get it. It’s my fault for not responding and putting him in that position in the first place.” you let out a puff of frustration. “ I just wish I could've told you everything on my terms, explained properly. This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out.”

Jungwon tucks your hair behind your ear, nudging you encouragingly, “Then do it. Explain it to me how you would’ve if today didn’t happen.”

You take a deep breath, instinctively reaching out to play with Jungwon’s fingers for a sense of comfort and give him a wobbly smile.

“So, like Chenle told you, my mom passed away a few days after giving birth to me. There were some complications during the procedure and she never recovered.

I know that my dad resents me for her death. That if he had the choice he would've chosen her over me. And I can't really blame him. The woman he fell in love with and built a whole life around, gone, and just for a baby he didn't have any attachment to yet.

At first I didn’t really understand the situation, so I did everything I could just to get even a speck of his attention. But as I grew older, I pieced together the truth from the whispers from my nannies and my dad’s staff. And then it became more than just looking for his attention, I felt like I had to prove my worth somehow. I had to prove that I wasn't just useless, that my mom hadn't given up her life for me just to amount to nothing.

I wanted to make him believe that her choice was justified. I don't think I'll ever be able to get my dad to think so. I’ve known that for a long time.” You draw a shaky breath, tears streaming down your cheeks slowly. Jungwon’s heart clenches at the sight and he pulls you into his lap, rubbing your back soothingly as you try to continue.

“But then something like this happens, he gives me the slightest indication that something might change. And it's like I'm 7 years old all over again. On that stage holding a stupid trophy that's bigger than me. Flashing lights and photographers, searching in a sea of faces for the one person that will never be there.”

“And I'm so, so, tired of being disappointed,” your voice cracks with emotion, “Tired of even having any expectations. It happens every time.”

“ He left. He knew that I was waiting for him and he just left. With nothing but a stupid bottle of wine as a gift. Not a note that said happy birthday, or even goodbye.” you mutter bitterly.

Your vision blurs with hot, angry tears, “He's never once wished me happy birthday. That's all I ever wanted from him. But he can’t give me that, he thinks spending money will help us both ignore the reality that he can’t stand to be around me. So I’m left with a bottle of wine that's as old as me and probably costs more than someone’s yearly salary. Another reminder of everything he's given me and everything I will never amount to in his eyes.”

“And I was just so mad, I picked it up and threw it against the wall. I only ended up making a huge mess and getting hurt so I guess my plan backfired,” you laugh sardonically.

“I probably should've sold it or given it to Chenle, so that was stupid of me but I just couldn't look at it anymore,” your voice dies into a soft whisper.

Jungwon tilts your face up to meet his gaze, brushing away the stray tears in the corners of your eyes.

"Happy Birthday Y/N . I'm so glad that you're here and that I’m able to be by your side. Even if that means running across the city in the middle of the night" He says, knocking his forehead against yours affectionately.

You give a watery laugh, eyes welling up at the sincerity in his tone. You lean your forehead onto Jungwon's shoulder "Thanks Yang Jungwon, it means a lot. I'm sorry for getting tears and snot all over your hoodie"

Jungwon snorts in response, smoothing over your hair, “Occupational hazard of being your best friend I guess.”

Best friend. You laugh to yourself at the absurdity of the situation. It was insane how in such a short amount of time Jungwon has carved out a space for himself in your heart. Your smile fades, your mood sobering slightly as doubts begin to creep back into the corners of your mind.

"Hey Jungwon?" you ask hesitantly.

"Yeah Y/N?"

You’re unable to meet Jungwon’s questioning gaze, resolving to play with the strings of his hoodie instead. “You’ll tell me right if I'm being too much? Before you’re sick of me?” you ask softly.

Jungwon leans back to look at your face with furrowed brows, “What the fuck are you on about Y/N, I’m not gonna get sick of you.”

You swat at Jungwon’s arm lightly, “You can't say that for sure. Everyone has limits and boundaries and unfortunately I have a tendency of finding those limits and pushing them unknowingly.”

You gesture to yourself with a wave of your hand. “This whole parental trauma, daddy issues thing, it can be a lot. And I have a bad habit of being overly attached and clingy to people. It's suffocating, I know. So just tell me okay? I’d rather know and dial it back than push you away and lose you entirely.”

Jungwon sighs and pulls you closer, placing a chaste kiss on your temple. “You're being ridiculous Y/N that's not gonna happen. I could never get sick of you. If anything you'll be sick of me.”

“Just promise me? Please?”

He rolls his eyes in exasperation, “Fine. If I wake up one day and decide that I’m suddenly sick of you, I promise you’ll be the first to know”.

“Thanks Wonnie”, you smile in satisfaction, stifling a yawn behind the back of your hand.

"Aww, is my birthday girl tired?” he teases gently, glancing at your clock. 2:14 A.M.

“You should go to sleep now Y/N" Jungwon shifts you so that you’re laying on the bed and you quickly situate yourself under the blankets. Once he’s tucked you into your bed sufficiently, Jungwon stands with a slight stretch, ignoring the way his muscles protest at the movement.

You cock your head in confusion, tugging him back by the sleeve of his hoodie "You're not staying?”

Jungwon blinks at you blankly, “I am, I'll just take the floor. Or the couch.”

You smile sleepily up at him, "Don't be stupid Jungwon." You scoot over, lifting the blanket and patting the empty space next to you in invitation.

Jungwon merely gapes at you in response and you snicker at his vacant expression.

“Jungwon, we literally cuddle in bed all the time, it's no different just because it's nighttime. Look, I'll even stay on my side of the bed okay?” You scoot back further to the edge of your bed, looking at him expectantly.

Wordlessly Jungwon huffs, kicking off his shoes and shedding his hoodie. He clambers into your bed, exhaling lowly as he turns to face you.

From the gap across the bed Jungwon watches as you give him a pleased smile, cheek squishing into the pillow and your hair splaying out behind you. He can't look away from the way your eyes shine in moonlight, staring back at him with a fondness that makes his heart stutter.

“Night night, Wonnie," you whisper playfully, reaching out to lightly pinch at Jungwon's cheek.

His eyes flutter close at the feeling of the pads of your fingers against his cheek and he groans internally.

Fuck it. Jungwon rolls his eyes in surrender, and pulls you closer to him, tucking you into the crook of his neck, a position that's way too familiar to him at this point.

And maybe Jungwon really should reevaluate where he's at because the way his hand slides to rest at the small of your back is all too natural. And the feeling of your breath against his neck should really be unsettling but it’s not.

He really should think about it, but right now it's nearly 3 AM and he doesn't have the energy to question how perfectly you fit against him. How you feel a bit too much like home.

“What happened to me staying on my side of the bed,” you ask slyly in the most innocent tone you can muster. Jungwon can feel your barely concealed smile against his collarbone and punishes your taunt with a swift tug at your hair, enticing a snicker from your lips.

"Shut up and go to sleep" he grumbles, and you laugh freely, burrowing comfortably into his arms. Jungwon can’t help but let his lips lift at the sound, and tightens his hold around you, waiting until he hears the faint puffs of your slumber before letting himself succumb to his dreams.

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a/n: chenle rlly is jungwon's biggest supporter asjks carrying the y/nwon ship.

my longest chapter yet hhh i hope y'all enjoyed . I kinda cringed but :) lmk ur thoughts n feelings . Jett voice: night night!

taglist: open! send me an ask to be added! <3

@woncloudie @itsactuallylina @ifearjwn @fadedluvv @mangowonyo @xiaoderrrr @shinsou-rii @aki1e @makiswrld @jaehaki @criyiy @ilovewonyo @zeraaax @climbingmandevillas @pkjay @flower-lise @koudnd @beomgyusonlywife

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