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spittenvibes · 1 year

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Big Surprise in a Small Package || Young Constellations P.3

Word count: 1,621

A/N: I worte this when I was 14 and haven't touched it since so there is alot that I would write differently now. Regardless hope the 3rd chapter of this story is interesting!

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

As soon as the group had gotten off Mars everything somehow became still, the sort of still that makes you want to whisper when there is no reason to, which only put Mira on edge, as she had found that, although in space, the law, “If something can go wrong it will.” still holds every bit as true. The only thing left that could go wrong would be with Quib, so she went to go check on him.

Quib was sitting at a small round metal table by the back of the control room, mindlessly polishing a jar with a small smile on his face. Mira couldn't decide if this was good or bad for him. Mira had not really even meant to bring him with her. But at least her degree in psychology might finally be of some use. Now, don't misinterpret this, a degree in psychology is nothing to laugh at, no, the main thing was that being a fugitive in space doesn't attract very many patients. And in normal circumstances, you shouldn't have any relation to the patient, but this wasn't a normal situation, or at least she hoped it wasn't. so she had to improvise.

“So, how are you?” Mira asked, trying a little too hard to sound friendly.

This got Quib to stop polishing the jar, and sarcastically replied, “Oh you know, I'm doing just fine. I woke up, took a stroll down the city, helped a seemingly innocent stranger find her way, got chased by assassins trying to kill said stranger, and ended up getting kidnapped by her as an attempt to save me. But enough about me, how are you?"

“Right,” Mira was a little rusty and the odd situation did not help her any either “sorry about that.”

“Hmf,” was the only thing Quib said back, before continuing to polish the jar, now slightly more vigorously.

So Mira decided to go a different route and ask about the jar Quib kept going back to, because it could be important for his mental health, and definitely not because Mira was super curious about it.“ So... what's in that jar?”

“ I don't know” Quib said, already annoyed.

“What do you mean you don't know?” Mira asked, persistent.

Quib was almost offended by the idea that he was lying. “I mean, I don't know, it's, just a thing that I picked up,”

Mira leaned in a little to try to get a look at what was inside, the jar in question was full of something that glimmered slightly under the harsh lighting as pinks, purples and blues flowed throughout, but no matter its beauty. A sealed jar full of who knows what, is no longer just comfort, it could be dangerous.“Alright, just, don't open it”

Mira was worn out and needed time to think. whatever is in the jar didn't seem like something that needed to be dealt with at that minute. Mira walked over to the controls at the front of the ship and pressed a couple of buttons putting the ship in level one lockdown, that way Quib wouldn't be able to start driving, and so Mira could keep an eye on what he was doing.“I'll be down in my study, if you need anything ask the ship first”

And with that, Mira headed down the stairs and off to her study to lay down for a bit.

Mira had not only piqued Quibs interest in the jar, he was feeling quite spiteful. The jar had never seemed odd to Quib. there were lots of little knick knacks around when he was in the OST and this had just been another one, but now it could be a tool, or at least take his mind off things for the time being. At first he decided to just watch it, and when it didn't do anything Quib opened the jar, still nothing. he had nothing better to do so he put their finger in it. the goop was almost the same temperature as the air around it, and Quib could feel it swirling around him finger. Quib pulled him finger out of the goop. there was no residue left over. he looked at the jar again and nearly jumped at the sight of a pinky purpley eye staring up at them. the goop started swirling with color. In a panic, Quib closed the jar as fast as he could.

“Umm, ship?” Quib said through heavy breathing, his heart almost in his throat. Nothing happened.

“Uhh ship… hello”

At the front of the ship a holophone flashed on, showing a concerned Mira.“What's up Quib?” Mira asked, in a calm, nonchalant tone, even though she was fearing the worst.

Quib couldn't think of anything to say.“Ummmmm” he said, stalling for an explanation.

Mira had no idea what was happening, but she knew Quib wasn’t going to tell her. she wasn't going to take any chances.“I'm coming up, ok?”

The jar was swirling with all sorts of colors, and Quib was just standing there, as if saying, “What? I didn't do anything.”

“You opened it didn't you,”

Quib really didn't like being accused, whether or not it was justified.“It hasn't done anything, well, other than this that is” Quib gestured towards the now slightly calmer jar.

Mira couldn't understand how her passenger was so calm holding a jar full of whatever that is, it didn't matter, if that thing exploded the only place on the ship that would be safe would be the containment cell.

“Give it to me”

“Why?” Quib still wanted to know what this was and wasn't going to let this stranger ruin his chance at knowing.

“I'm not going to do anything but put it in the containment cell, you can even go in there with it if you want” it was the best thing Mira could do, she couldn't land, it was still too soon after the whole Mars ordeal.

Quib gave in, “Fine.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Mira input the code to open the metal cell door. Quib went in and put the jar on the floor before opening it again, then the two went to the main room to view it. It didn't take long for the eye to appear again. Mira watched in awe as the thing looked around the small metal room. It glanced around one more time before knocking the jar over, sliding out, and taking the shape of… a person? Mira and Quib, were now both standing just inches from the one-way glass of the cell, amazed by what they were seeing. It had a human shape, standing about 4 feet tall, with baby pink skin and even lighter hair, its eyes were the colors of the galaxy, and it was, blushing? Blues and purples flowed across its face as it slid down the wall to sit on the ground.

Mira was the first to say anything.“What, is it?”

Quib replied in awe, but still with their usual snippy attitude

“Once again, I don't know”

Quib had seen a lot of different sentient beings, but nothing like this. Even the lab raids never had this kind of thing.

Mira snapped out of her intrigue, realizing that this was a living thing with thoughts, feelings, and presumably needs.“How long has it been in that jar, Quib?”

“How am I supposed to know, I didn't put it in there.” Quib wasn't even really supposed to have it.

“Then what do we do?” Mira said, trying to stay calm and collected, but obviously flustered.

In the OST it was the psychologists that dealt with this sort of stuff, all Quib did was go out on missions.“No idea, i'm not a phycologist”

Mira knew what right thing to do was.“Fine, but you’re coming with me”

Mira grabbed Quib by the arm and dragged him to the door before he had a chance to answer, that way, Mira wouldn't have time to change her mind. As soon as Mira opened the door to the cell the thing moved to be as far away as possible, it turned an almost gray color, with Pinks, purples, and blues spreading across its face, its form trembling.

“We are not going to hurt you.” Mira said as she took a careful step forward.

“No more experiments?” it questioned in a very soft voice.

Mira could hear fear in its voice but that may be due more to the difficulty it was having keeping its form together. “What is it talking about?” Mira asked Quib with genuine concern.

Quib was annoyed by how much Mira thought he knew, he knew just as much as Mira did.“I don't know”

“Quib, are you sure you don't have any idea what it could be talking about?” Mira pleaded.

Quib realized how desperate Mira was and thought for a minute before saying “well, it could be from a lab raid I guess, but nothing came from jars as far as I know, that's all I can think of”

“What raids? What are you talking about?” Mira questioned

Quib didn't know if he wanted to tell Mira about them. the lab raids had been some of the biggest ones in the OSTs history, and the most recent, there had been smaller ones since then but nothing super noteworthy came out of those. “Before I joined the OST, there had been a huge lab raid, the most experiments ever saved at one time, but like I said there wasn't anything like this”

There was nothing else to do, mira didn't have enough information and wasn't going to put her ship in danger.

“Im going to do some research on this”

#Young Constellations #spitten #Mira #Quib #original fiction #original work #original story

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danses-with-dogmeat · 3 years

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Romanced companions react to an autistic!Sole having a meltdown because of sensory overload?

Romanced!Companions React to Autistic!Sole with Sensory Overload Anxiety

This was a great prompt! I hope I was able to do it justice, I wanted to get it posted, but I also desperately need sleep 😅 But thank you so much for the ask, Anon! I might expand on this more at a later date as well, when my brain decides to function again.

This prompt with FO3 and FONV

Cait:

She understood Sole's reaction more than the specific cause of the overload. It seems like all Cait has ever been around are stressful and overstimulating situations, so it’s difficult for her to differentiate occurrences that will cause Sole distress and those that wont. Once Sole was able to specify what it was that was bothering them, Cait would put an end to it. Preventing whatever it may be from doing her partner any more harm. She’s not a particularly soft person, everyone knows that, but she can’t stand seeing Sole like this. She may not know a whole lot of fancy breathing exercises that are medical journal standard, but she knows enough from her own experience to be able to improvise something in the way of support for her partner.

Curie:

She would be an absolute pro. Like, the perfect combo between health professional, and understanding romantic partner. If their surroundings were secure, she would focus all her energy on helping Sole, doing breathing and grounding exercises to help them through their breakdown in a clinical way. In the aftermath of Sole's overload, Curie would turn back to doting girlfriend as she looks after her love, helping them to come down from their nerves and maybe being just a tad too touchy feely for them in this instance. But she means well!

Danse:

If this were to happen in the midst of combat, Danse would instantly take a more defensive position, and would root himself firmly between Sole and any enemies they may be facing. In other instances, he would use what he had learned in the Brotherhood when it came to PTSD episodes that he would experience for himself. He would remove them from the pressured conditions they found themselves in, taking them for a walk to calm their nerves, engaging in breathing exercises with them, and encouraging speech when it seemed possible. He would try to be supportive in every way he could, but Sole would have to be patient with their partner when it came to more intimate forms of comfort, as Danse tends to turn back to soldier-type tendencies in these situations. As a more preventative measure, Danse would attempt to craft a power armor helmet modification that could aid in depleting noise during combat, and otherwise try and dull the senses to make the outside environment more bearable for Sole.

Deacon:

He would actually be really good at dealing with this situation? Given his own experiences in life, and the many interactions he's had with a variety of types of people (and synths) in stressful situations, he would be able to sympathize with Sole, trying to draw any attention away from them, knowing that'll only make it worse, and helping them recover afterwards. He wouldn't be phased at all by their outburst and would try to help calm them down by making a few jokes here and there, if only to let them know that it wasn't a big deal to him.

Hancock:

His mostly chill demeanor would work wonders on Sole's nerves when they were around him. He was just so easy going, and non-judgmental and he seemed to never strip their energy from them when they spent time with him. Should they get themselves into a situation where sensory overload does occur, he'd do his best to guide Sole to a safe place where they can unwind and focus on returning their breathing to normal. If they think chems will help, he'll be more than happy to oblige, even going so far as to specifically scavenge whatever type of treatment chem that Sole had in mind for these overwhelming instances and would always keep it on his person.

MacCready:

He’s a little panicked himself in these types of situations, but he makes an effort to be the calm one of the two. He finds his way to Sole in whatever way he can, looking into their eyes and trying to ground them with his voice as he desperately tries to keep it from shaking. He’s never had any formal training or anything like that, but when his PTSD episodes flare up, he has a few tricks that he uses to get back to reality; identifying objects around him, breathing in through his nose, sitting down with his head between his knees. He’ll try and suggest a few ways Sole can deal with their overload, going through the motions himself as well, since his partner’s anxiety tends to somehow inject itself into him whenever these meltdowns occur.

Nick:

He’s calm, collected, and used to dealing with people in distress. It’s like he was built for this. Though he isn’t as familiar first-hand with the reactions that the human body has in these types of situations, he knows how to help. He’ll quickly try and get them out of the environment that is causing their meltdown, or eliminate the person or thing responsible for causing their anxiety. Afterwards he will try to help them come out of it easily and on their own terms, trying not to pressure them, but acting as a source of unwavering support for however long it takes for them to settle down.

Piper:

The woman truly tries her best, but it always frightens her when Sole is panicked in this way. She’s just too damn empathetic when it comes to Sole, that she can’t help but dissolve into the same state of discomfort and panic that her partner finds themself in. She would try anything to calm herself down and would frantically gesture for Sole to join her as she works on her breathing, counting, and amateur grounding exercises. As the pair come out of their shared panic, she’ll try to return to her normal self as soon as possible. Once her breathing returned to normal and Sole calmed down as well, she would offer her companion some much needed verbal and physical support, as well as some snack material to replenish their strength in the aftermath of their overload.

Preston:

The man is the definition of “works well under pressure;” he knows what it feels like to let people down, to lose people because of his mistakes, and he doesn’t intend for that to happen again. Ever. Especially when it comes to Sole. When his partner is in a compromised position, feels uncomfortable, or looks like they're about to have a meltdown, Preston is immediately at their side, putting himself in harm's way in order to ensure their safety and comfortability. He tries to use his voice, which for some reason he can keep totally calm even when he's under great stress, to keep them grounded. Counting along with them as they try to stay focused and keep from becoming completely overwhelmed. He is usually able to calm them down before their discomfort can escalate to the point of a meltdown, but if for whatever reason he can’t, he’ll be there to support them through the entire ordeal. Afterwards, he’ll speak softly to them, taking them far away from whatever situation was the cause of their stress, and ask if there was anything more he could have done to help.

X6-88:

X6 tends to notice when Sole is becoming uncomfortable even before they themself know. He’s memorized the types of environments that tend to set them off, and if it’s possible, he tries to usher them away from the cause of their anxiety before it can become an issue. If he is unable to do so, X6 will then take control of the situation as best as he can, eliminating points of stress almost to the point of overdoing it. There may be instances where Sole has to pull him out of his protective frenzy as he relentlessly removes anything that could be causing Sole's distress. In that case, X6 tends to provide enough of a distraction himself to be able to help Sole focus and stay grounded as they try to aid him. Does he do it intentionally? If they ask, he'll insist he doesn't know what they're talking about. He’ll just thank them calmly for assisting him, and begin to tend to their needs in the aftermath of their distress, assessing their physicality and mental state before allowing them to continue their travels.

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oneoftheprettynerds · 3 years

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Fixed: Dark!Steve x Reader (Mob AU)

Chapter 4 in the Lipstick and Crayons Series.

Chapter 3: Love So Soft

Main Masterlist

A/N: It’s shorter than my usual updates but I’m busy so sorry for the delay. My final exam dates have come and all I can do is pray right now lol. Please pray for me if you can, this sis is out here writing fanfics for yall instead of studying so, haha. ANyways, enjoy babies! Shit happens in this chapter.

Warning: Non-Con, Sickening Threats, Mob Themes, Violence, Death, Manipulation, a mild mental breakdown, Cheap Tricks.

Genres + Characters: Mob AU, Single Parents AU, Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: Steve can’t ever repay you for what you did. After meeting you, Steve believes his broken family is the missing piece in the puzzle of your own wrecked one. Indebting the crime lord to you has been the biggest mistake of your life, cause now you can’t get rid of him, no matter what. Loyalty and favours go a long way in the mob.

Word count: 5K

Chapter 4: Fixed

You didn’t sleep that night. Or the next few. Your hands shook every time you got a flashback and even though you were numb to emotions that entire day, tears threatened to spill whenever your mind took to you to that overpriced kitchen again.

Now that he had gone to a dangerous and unnerved assaulter from a Dad trying to take care of his daughter, your mind wouldn’t put anything past him. You knew that in the back of your mind that he was a mobster and your ‘friendship’ was alarming to say the least, but now there was no denying his resources and power and the very obvious threat to your life lingering in the air.

At least before you had the luxury to be oblivious and ignorant, not anymore though. Steve felt even more unhinged and liberal now, even messaging you daily, greeting texts that you obviously ignored. He knew you both were aware that you never handed him your number and he felt no need to hide his pursuit.

You read most of the messages, not bothering with a single reply though. You tried to block him but somehow your phone would still receive messages from his number, even though his contact would always peek back at you from the otherwise empty blacklist.

As if his torment wasn’t ample, another message thread from a different number would forward you alarming images, photos of Grace in her daycare, on a class trip to the park and even her playing in your backyard. You had no doubt that this was another game of his to show you his resources.

You skipped daycare for a few days, your mental health worse than it was after the carnival attack, because now you had a personal tormentor and you cursed yourself for falling into this mess. At times, you believed it wasn’t your fault really, you just helped a kid and this situation spiraled itself but what would pointing fingers now get you? The harsh truth was you were in a calamitous situation now and every step from now on had to be thought out.

So, you let Grace attend her daycare and acted if nothing was amiss or altered, after the few initial breakdown days of course, kept going to your job and earning the bread. You considered your options, you really wanted to go to the cops or a higher fair power but those were few these days, almost non existent in your city. You also vaguely recalled meeting three of the Captains of the PD at Sarah’s birthday, all smiley and doe eyed for Steve. You knew they wouldn’t help, fucking kiss-asses.

Maybe you would have to move somewhere else, perhaps to your hometown, at least till things cooled down or better yet were forgotten? But that trail was very predictable and you didn’t want your parents in this mess.

You also came to know that Steve had inserted himself in the other spheres of your life. You were sure your location was always being sent to him, the knowledge a courtesy of the black car following you while you travelled to home at some late day’s end.

Aiden told you whereabouts were easy to track, when you inquired ambiguously. Another instance was when you went to the bank to deposit cash for your debit card, you came face to face with an enormous amount already there. Somehow, the limit on your credit card was also extended. How, you knew. The clerk told you about an email you must have gotten in regards to it, you dismissed that justification away and told them to not accept the cash. To sum the discussion, they weren’t helpful and had no policy against anonymous donors.

Aiden, your trusted coworker cum pal, sensed the shift in your aura and fidgety form very easily, pestering you with questions and you decided to turn to him, stressed and tired and ready to do something. His questioning eyebrows made you confess vaguely but you refused to tell him the extent of it. Just that his prediction came true and you needed help. Let’s just say, Aiden was a good man.

With time, Steve’s ‘affectionate’ messages became deranged, and you found it harder to act nonchalant in your daily life. You were thankful he didn’t come to visit you, possibly occupied with the rumored war between the mobs. You just prayed for a few more days of ignorance, just enough time to think and do something.

“What do you mean someone collected her?!” You had a hard time controlling your voice, you were about to burst, in tears or with anger, you didn’t know.

“The man was verified in the emergency contacts and we got a letter signed and approved by you to skip the day an hour into the first activity.”

“A man? Emergen-, wait no! What fucking approved letter?”

You had three emergency contacts, your mom in another state, Aiden, and one of the other kid’s mom you had grown close to. Aiden was with you at work all day, so did someone disguise themselves as him? And what was the deal with the letter signed by you? You surely didn’t remember writing and authorizing one.

The boy, Pietro, who had been the receptionist for as long as you could remember, shuffled through the chaotic piles of paper and presented a letter to you, and your blood froze as your eyes skimmed the font.

Your beautiful cursive stared right back at you and you knew that no one would ever be able to distinguish between this penmanship and the one in the pocketbook in your clutch. No one but you. Even though you knew you had not written it, the slightly different ‘f’ and ‘g’ told you everything.

Your signature at the bottom though, was done quite perfectly and that made you even more scared.

“I did-, I didn’t write this! What the-” Your widened eyes met Pietro’s from above the paper but all he offered you was a meek smile. Your hands shook with rage and for the first time in your life, you had the urge to slap someone really bad.

“Maybe your family had an emergency to take he-”

“No, you don’t get it!” You stopped yourself from getting frantic, willing yourself to take deep breaths and think rationally. Today of all days, things had to mess up.

He didn’t know you had no family in this city, that you had a mobster after you or the subtle threats that his hired spy sent to you.

Was going to the police an option? Aiden already told you that the cops were as good as Steve’s men. But this was about your missing kid! You’d never forgive yourself if something happened to her. And you were giving Steve way too much credit, what if he wasn’t behind this all? Come to think of it, what if the other number wasn’t his?

Relax yourself! Thinking of disturbing theories wouldn’t help anyone. You thought you should go to the cops, just in case. No mentioning of Steve, just a woman with a ‘missing child’ report.

‘Missing Child’ left an acrid taste behind and you were too close to a breakdown, but your whole journey of single-parenthood taught you to kick vulnerability aside, well most of the times.

You turned and were about to leave, but Pietro stopped you. “If you are going to the cops Ma’am, they require 8 hours of inactivity or disappearance time for kids under 5.”

Well look who just read your mind.

You huffed and kept the tears at bay, your mind thinking of what to do then? Grace was obviously taken-

“How could you let a toddler leave without informing the parents?” You knew your anger was channeling out at the wrong man but didn’t he all but hand Grace to the stranger?

You beat him answering and inquired, “What did the man look like? Do you have any footage? Anything?” The wrinkles in your forehead and stress creases on your face paired with the eyebags betrayed your age surely. You were sure you had aged more this week than an entire decade, juggling your normal life with the hovering threat.

“You shouldn’t be this worried Ma’am.”

The fucking audacity.

“Your daughter recognized him, she all but ran to him and this other little girl he came with. You should maybe ask your parent-friends around? A blonde family perhaps?”

As all the emotions drained from your face and terror took over, the young lad in front of you looked smug. You wondered as if you imagined the faintest of smirks on his face.

You crumpled the letter in your hands, seething with rage as you stepped in your car. Oh, you were mad, more wrathful than ever. You could take any hits on you, any threat but not on Grace, never on her.

You were stupid, you had already decided you wouldn’t put anything past him but unknowingly, you did put this past him. You thought this man had a shred of decency to not use your kid in this adult war, being a parent himself and all but what a surprise! You were wrong.

You drove to your home, your thoughts a mix of trepidation, anxiety and fury. You were scared of him and his reach and resources but if he put Grace in any type of danger; whether to teach you a lesson or use her as bait or both, there’d be consequences.

Lord knows you killed a man a month ago Grace was threatened.

You had one thing to do before contacting Steve about Grace but you never got to do it because unexpectedly the bastard was in your home. In your home.

The black sports car outside was a huge giveaway but your suspicions were confirmed when you opened the door with your house key. The banter and giggles from inside alarmed yet calmed you; the dread of confrontation and the assurance of Grace’s safety reigned your mind.

As the door opened painfully slow like a horror movie, the sight that met your eyes made you sick with a feeling of failure. It wasn’t gore or blood or grunge, it was Steve bouncing Grace in the air and catching her while Sarah twirled around in the living room.

This man was craftier than you thought, every action of his was calculated, each a refined step. You had been so preoccupied to avoid direct encounters with him in your little family’s life that you didn’t think he had other ways. He was always looming around with Sarah and as Grace began to trust Sarah, she consequently began to trust her blonde guardian too.

As you slammed the door behind you, Steve’s eyes snapped to yours and his smirk made you want to punch him so hard. The smugness on his face while he let Grace down without breaking eye contact told you he had no regret, no remorse. In fact, he was loving every second of this cat and mouse chase between you two.

You were a millimeter close to losing your shit, the only check being the kids in the room. But you were mad and he was going to know it.

“What the hell, Steve? Messing with my kid?” You threw your clutch onto the couch, Steve haughty by the reception of his sent message but still holding back because of the kids. He called Wanda and you didn’t really notice where she came from but you did register Steve asking to take the girls to the park for a ‘private discussion’.

As Grace passed by you, you grabbed her arm lightly, making her look at you with doe eyes resembling yours. You gave her a smile trying to ease her, but you knew she was smart enough to sense the change in the atmosphere.

Apparently, the whining Sarah wasn’t.

You looked back to Steve, your hold still on Grace and continued with a frown and raised eyebrows, “She isn’t going anywhere, not out of my sight and obviously not with you or your goons.”

Wanda had the audacity to look offended and you scoffed at her, eyes staring Steve’s down.

“Honey, I don’t think the kids should hear what I think you have to say right now.” He said nodding to Wanda to take Grace.

“You must be deranged to think I trust Grace near anyone even remotely related to you! Take your people and get out.” You held your hand up to stop Wanda and pointed towards the door with the most menacing glare you could form.

Grace looked incomprehensibly between you two, concern and confusion on her face. That might have been the first time such a tone was used in your household. The grumbling Sarah was close to throwing a tantrum, irritated by the change in the playful air or the lack of attention to her, you didn’t know. She was hanging on Wanda’s forearm, her feet slipping on your printed rug. Wanda was trying to not look hurt still by your previous statement, distracting herself by the blonde kid and you were baffled by her obliviousness to all this.

Steve, the beefy blonde Lucifer, was furious and seething. His white knuckles and ticking jaw were the most obvious giveaways, the fingers just itching to beat the shit out of someone no doubt.

Was he imagining striking you into compliance into his weird playhouse game complex? You wouldn’t be surprised given the extent of his attempt to ‘win’ you over.

The ‘get out’ tone and blatant disrespect was a bruise to his ego for sure, and by you, a middle-class woman nonetheless was a worse injury. Steve was the deadly boss to armored men in the vicinity, the kids’ father figure, according to him, and Wanda’s stern yet kind employer.

People had been killed for less and there you were, standing in all your glory, being the only person alive to reject Steve Rogers and now, the only to raise your voice at him.

You almost scoffed at his impudence to look offended, what did he expect? For you to submit to him after the stunt he pulled? His reach was scary he proved today and that any future with him in your life in any way, was a fearsome possibility to entertain but you’d be damned if you went down without a fight.

“You can’t make me leave; we both know. You don’t have the physical edge nor the mental one. I have no problem drawing out G-U-N-S in front of the kids or to throw the warnings around, although I would prefer not to.”

Your free hand itched to slap him, like how his did minutes ago. It wasn’t a mankind problem about men thinking they were entitled to everything; it was a Steve Rogers’s problem. Of course, with him consent didn’t matter. If he had a ‘housewife, kids and fences’ fixation, he’d make it come true.

“Do you even listen to what I say? Or your own words even? Please, go ahead! Traumatise my kid and also yours in your wooing process! Why are you so obsessed? Leave us alone, you freak! I just ignored few messages!” You had a hard time maintaining your cool, if there was any left. You were sure you were scaring Grace and no matter what happened next, you knew she was already traumatized by this entire ordeal already. You were so sorry, so, so, so sorry to your poor baby caught in this mess.

You knew, no, you hoped, he wouldn’t pull out the gun, his actions at the carnival a proof, you remembered how he hid his gun on finding Sarah. That threat was empty but the next one wasn’t, his words making you freeze in your spot.

“I think you keep on misunderstanding me, sweetheart. I don’t make empty promises,”

Posh word for threats.

“For starters, maybe I should pay my future in-laws a visit in their blue duplex. They might need help with the vast garden they have, it is the season for ‘violets’, isn’t it?”

As you froze with your parents being brought up, he also cooled, albeit differently, smirking once again gaining the upper hand, not that he lost it if you were being honest.

“Isn’t threatening my kid enough for you, Steve?” You hated how your loud voice almost broke, your anger slowly subsiding into helplessness and you hated that. You hated his guts, his entitlement, his claim; everything about him.

“You still don’t see it, do you? Our family of four is the most important thing to me right now and I’m not above doing anything to save it.”

“There is no family of four Steve! I keep explaining and you keep coming back to square one with all this bullshit!” The curse word did tick Steve off but he would correct that later, when bigger things weren’t at ploy.

“Your ignorance makes me a little mad sometimes sweetheart and that is why I have to do all I do. You haven’t realized we need each other yet, but I’m staying until you do and even after that, I promise. You know how much it pissed me off to see your tickets and the packed suitcases after I’ve been nothing but nice? I was so generous to spoil you with my riches but instead I find that in your finances.”

This fucker knew. Of course, he did!

You were wondering in the back of your head what had prompted this visit with so many threats and warnings and anguish. He was pissed even before you ‘acted out’, he tracked the tickets and the plan and that meant he even tracked-

“You have so much to learn, but luckily you interact with quite a few people. I am most tempted to start out with this Aiden guy, trying to be the hero and giving you all the ideas. Maybe I should visit him?” Steve wondered out loud, and you flinched at his suggestion, hating how you were trapped by this man.

You couldn’t live with yourself if anyone got hurt because of you, be it your parents or Aiden or any other possibility Steve would come up with. Of course, Grace was your peak priority but you doubted he would hurt her as he threatened to harm them.

“Steve, please.” The fire was almost out, your hands trembling, Grace worried and Steve smug.

“Let the kids go and I think we can come to a conclusion.”

“Steve this needs to stop.” You said, your breaths heavy and helplessness clawing away at you.

“I won’t repeat myself.” He voiced out with a threatening edge, gesturing to Grace and Wanda, clearly telling you to first get the kids out.

For a deranged fucktard, he sure cared about the kids a lot.

You loosened your hold on Grace, patting her arm softly and nudged her to Wanda. Wanda received her little hand and enticed the kids with the promise of ice-cream. Sarah clapped her hands and as the trio left, Grace did look over her shoulders at you in concern and for permission, majorly in concern though. You nodded and waved, a tear dropping as soon as the door clicked shut.

You were still staring at the door, not wanting to meet Steve’s stormy blue orbs when he began, “Today was a slip up that I won’t tolerate again. Neither the cursing nor the dramatics.”

We aren’t in a fucking play, what the fuck is he labelling as dramatics?

Your eyes slowly flickered to his, and you had a hard time not letting the tears escape except the one traitorous one earlier. The fatigue, the worry of Grace’s disappearance, the threats to your friends and family were all catching up to you. It took all in you to stay strong and not fall down right now.

“Steve this isn’t funny anymore. It’s sick and you know it! I just said no! Was that so inexcusable that you had to follow up with this? You have violated me for that, broken into my home and now kidnapped my daughter! At what extent will you stop?” You broke down finally, arms a flailing mess as fat tears rolled down. Nothing scared more than the helplessness this moment. He won and he knew it. The carnival incident was nothing in comparison to this. The only good thing you could hope in all this was a safe Grace but that too only if you complied, which seemed like what you would do now given your attempts at fighting back and scampering have failed laughably.

“Gosh, I forgot how theatrical women are. You are smart darling; you know what I want from day one, just a happy family. Nothing that horrendous has happened and especially not as badly as put it. I’m just looking out for you and me in the long run.” Steve slowly treaded towards you, his hand extended to pat your arm comfortingly but you involuntarily flinched at contact and stepped back. Steve clearly didn’t like that as he caught your arm in a bruising grip and jerked you towards him. Manhandling you as your wet hands rushed to ease his grip was not a tough task for Steve, a surprise to none.

“Stop trembling like I’ve actually done something to harm you!”

Steve clearly didn’t know how to comfort women and it showed.

You stopped with the cowering away, even though it disgusted you to be this much in close proximity with your assaulter. He clearly had anger issues and no clue how to solve them. You needed to steer the conversation right and get him out. You could see your hands visibly shake as you put them on his chest, just to create some distance and in a way of surrendering to not fight. The tears slowed but you don’t think they stopped; it was hard to tell with a million other things on your mind.

As your eyes made contact, Steve loosened his grip, clearly a bit satisfied by your submission, as he began counting to help you breathe. As much as you hated to admit, it helped you and you got a flashback to the time when you freaked out on him about Grace at that extravagant dinner date. That was a sweet gesture then, not so sweet now. Funny how drastically things change with time.

It wasn’t so much Steve’s help as it was your own mind telling you to be fucking smart about the whole ordeal right now.

“Good. Better. Now let’s talk. Why were you planning to run away? I’ve been busy and coming home to find out that wasn’t joyful, you know.” His smile suggested a better mood than before but his voice, his husky voice always had this daring edge that almost challenged you to defy him but at the same time warned you of unpleasant consequences if you did.

“Steve, I’m scared.” You spoke with utmost honesty. “The part of the world you associate yourself with scares me. You can’t blame me for not wanting that life for Grace, I mean you have a kid of your own. Wasn’t the carnival attack specifically on Sarah?”

The reasoning was right but you knew you triggered him the moment his smile evaporated. He either felt insulted as a parent or disrespected in his profession or probably both.

He was fighting his inner demons already and you pointing it out was a slap to his face, a hit he didn’t want to take.

“That was a slip up, I admit. Never again. I’m only human, okay?” He convinced himself and you, his grip tightening a bit again.

Oh no, not the right direction to take.

You reckoned he still had nightmares about it like you, he really did love Sarah a lot, all things aside.

“Besides, I am looking out for you! Out for you and Grace and Sarah. I remember my promise of never putting either of them in harm’s way ever again.”

You definitely didn’t trust his security or his people because what sort of a mobster let his daughter get targeted and possibly abducted? You definitely didn’t know the whole story or if it was just a bad day but he wasn’t a person that deserved some slack. Despite all this, you knew what all he held above you, above a common man. He might not be ‘Kingpin’ skilled but a threat to you nonetheless.

Before you could stop yourself, you blurted out, “Is that what you call following me around, huh?” which you immediately regretted.

“Trust the process, baby. Everything is just to protect you.”

Is that what he called stalking even Grace around and twistedly enough, sending you proof of that? The anonymous thread of photos was another nightmare of yours, thanks to him. The last being a candid photo inside Grace’s room, her sleeping in her bed this morning and that’s when you decided you needed to get out. Of course, that didn’t go as planned.

“How am I supposed to do that when you have cameras in my house?!” You scoffed and he reeled back at the accusation, having the nerve to look impressed at being uncovered and caught red-handed.

“Oh my fucking God, it was you! You sick pervert!” You jumped out of his grip, your eyes wide and horrified. “I wasn’t aware of what to make of it but of course, it was you! Who else would be sick enough to do that?” You let out a humorless chuckle. You always put things past him even when you keep telling yourself you shouldn’t. When will you ever learn huh?

You were full on panicking yet again, this man was an assaulter, a stalker and a creep too. It would have made a good dark, psychological thriller for you to watch if you weren’t the protagonist about to suffer his obsession.

He reached out to steady you again, but you whipped and stumbled back, realizing too late that you elbowed Steve’s nose so bad that there was a crunch. That, right there, was the look a man real-fucking-furious on Steve’s face and now you could see the feared mobster, the man who was personally terrorizing you under the beautiful, Greek God façade.

Steve reacted so fast even with an injury that in a split second, your view of his face turned into a view of his crotch.

“You do realize that there are others ways for me to teach you obedience? I think it’s fucking time you show me your gratitude for my care and attention and apologize for your misconduct and unkind response.” Steve spoke with a hoarse voice, a voice running out of patience and just about done with defiance.

His hand fisted your hair, maintaining eye contact while he nodded between you and his crotch. You knew what he wanted, what he was expecting as ‘thanks’.

“Steve, please no, you don’t-”

His other hand grabbed your jaw, stopping you from speaking as he warned, “I think you have done just enough talking for today, so why don’t you put that tongue to a better use and show me how sorry you are. Better make it convincing because I’d hate to pay one of your friends a visit and then bitch about a nasty blowjob.” He smirked at the end of his monologue, eyes shining with triumph and amusement.

You wouldn’t let him harm anyone else, you couldn’t. You and your daughter were already knee-deep in a pit and at this point, it’d just be cruel to drag someone else in. With shaky hands opening his pants, you just hoped you could get Grace out before you eventually were buried in it.

“Now that’s a good girl. Submissive is a sexy look on you.” His hands patted your hair, playing with your tresses while yours pulled his pants and then briefs down.

His member jerked out, almost slapping you in the face as you recoiled at his insolence to get hard and erect at your torment. Your disdain must have shown which he took as admiration and derision to take his affluent cock in.

“No need to get shy, I have faith you’ll be able take it just as well in your pretty pussy as you will right now. Open up-”

“Steve, I beg you-”

Just as you had cut him off, he interrupted your pleading. Your gag reflex was probably the most efficient in the world but that turned this narcissist on. It had been years since you had done it, never with a man as beefy as Steve.

His taste was salty and if you had to put it into better words, it was the like overpriced sea salt flakes that you never bought. High and pricey and for the entitled.

Your hands clutched at his thighs as you blacked out multiple times; your jaw aching, uvula swaying and tears escaping. Him forcing himself on you brough a new sense of vulnerability as your body trembled. Steve relished like a sadist, practically rutting into you all by himself as you just sat there with your jaw unnaturally open.

His obscene moans and groans were crass and nauseating and you just prayed for this to be over soon and for no one to walk in on this, especially your kid.

It seemed like it would never end, your body dehydrating with all the spit it produced, the drool dribbling and landing just beside your knees on your printed rug. You would have to throw that out.

The tears stooped after some point, the sobbing an unnecessary action that just tired you out more on this eventful day. You moved your tongue around to prevent your teeth from scratching him when he shifted angles. If this was what he did on slightly mad, you didn’t want to find what he did for a more serious punishment.

Apparently, that action was something that turned him on even more, his breath hitching as neared closure. In broken whispers he demanded that again and you complied, wanting to get done with it.

He growled in the moment of his release and you tried to lean back but his grip didn’t relent. “Swallow.” His grainy, exasperated voice said out loud and you knew better than to defy.

He released you and you fell on to the rug, hip bruising by knocking into some furniture and tears coming back again after being hydrated by his seed. He packed himself, his smile smug and content as his expressions truly resembled ecstasy being personified.

“You be a good fiancée from now on and maybe you’ll have all your friends alive and present at our wedding. No cheeky business from now on, got it?” Steve hummed then and strutted out, not even bothering to listen to your reply.

As soon as the door slammed, your eyes closed and your demons danced again.

There was no right direction to take when you were stuck in a loop.

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deanisridingapolarbear-blog · 3 years

Text

The issue with Teddy’s personality

I’ve come across claims that Teddy especially does not have a personality outside his relationship with Billy and that he’s just portrayed as the boyfriend/hubby. Another claim is that he has lost all his traits in the recent years. I’d like to disagree and you are in for a long post (once again). Starting with little things, in Emperor Hulkling we see the glimpses of Teddy’s ”nerdy” side you know with the console and comics laying around, taking selfies with Spidey, think it’s a bit similar hint as in the Drag Brunch where he stays in eating his cereal and watching cartoons (as the lord intended, which could also be seen as a joke towards his religious school background). He is still being bit snarky and witty too as he always has been.

Then comparing Billy and Teddy, people say that they don’t have personality outside each other or that Teddy just doesn’t have one but I do disagree. He has and it is there just as it has been in the first issues. Teddy has always been pictured as the ultimate kind soft boy with a sharp with right? I’m not going to say the boys are complete opposite as they are not but their traits just come out differently. Billy is just as kind I’d say but more anxious and tends to be a bit self-absorbed. Now I don’t mean he is selfish just that he has tendency to stress and lose the bigger picture while worrying over how his actions affect others or if he can control his powers etc. Teddy is more optimistic he has faced a lot, just as much as Billy I’d say, he just has a different approach to deal with the trauma. He looks for support and help and ways to solve it instead of piling it up. This optimistic personality, kindness and way he approaches problems (inner or outer) is clearly part of him being an emperor. Taking the pacifist and diplomatic approaches.

Another difference between these two is connected with the problem solving part. To me Billy is pretty intuitive and quick on his feet type of person. His approach is bit more impulse based. Going to Doom’s fortress on his own in the middle of the night anyone? Hiding robots under the mattress? Vol. 2.? I’m not saying he can’t follow or come up with well drafted plans he just has more tendency for think plan b after plan a fails. Teddy then is more of a planner and plotter in my eyes. During the first run he disguised twice as someone else first as Ironlad and then as Super-Skrull, both plans probably drafted quite quickly but still they follow maybe a bit more careful and tactical thinking than Billy’s. Similarly ”Don’t keep brain in your head” in New Avengers. He just has a bit more long term planner in him, which is also visible in Death’s Head when he and Kate talk about the wedding. It gives a vibe that Teddy does give a bit more thought to future than Billy does. He does the long term planning for them maybe because with Billy’s mental health it can be hard for him to plan ahead too much without getting anxious. Which is why I think the Vegas wedding is just reflection of Teddy’s nature.

He clearly has had this plan ready probably for a while now, knowing that ”proper” wedding planning might not work with Billy. What he was waiting was the perfect timing to execute the plan, when Billy seems ready and in right state of mind to go through the wedding. When it came he took it and you can see he had thought of Billy and the fact that the situation might be such that it is sudden and not possible for everyone without super-powers to attend -> streaming for Billy’s parents as Billy would want his parents present somehow (as would Teddy). So again it’s not about being complete opposite and not being able to make fast decisions or commit for long term plans just that they have different strengths.

Teddy also shows signs of having a bit more willingness to take upon responsibilities and be responsible for others. He might not been ready to become emperor of two massive alien races or is he yet fully moulded leader but he felt the pressure to take on that responsibility to save lives. Putting others needs before his own a bit, just like he sometimes does a bit with Billy. We also see a bit of his growth to that task. Think it’s natural continuum to Teddy’s story arc as he has faced a lot losing his mother, supporting Billy and having to take responsibility for himself. Like yes Kaplans have surely taken good care of him but Teddy is type that doesn’t want to be a burden and clearly has held back some of his own battles to let Billy get enough support (Vol.2). I’m not saying Billy hasn’t matured or anything just that there is ought to be a small gap on this area between them. It is also reflected in King in Black (yes I disliked the issue just as much as any but hear me out). In Teddy’s part it was done well whereas Billy just had been taken to an extreme length of contrast to make them appear clearly different in nature.

Empyre in general showed great growth of Teddy starting with Emperor Hulkling and going on through-out the run. Like the boy who usually has just been kind of quiet member of a team is standing up to what he believes in and taking his ground when he really believes in what he is doing. Even if it’s against F4 and Avengers that he has fanboyed in the past.

I also think that lot of Teddy’s growth and personality is being skipped by the fandom as Billy tends to be the more popular part of the pair. I admit Teddy’s personality and growth have been shown to us more delicately and with a bit less drama/tragedy at the end of the day that it can go amiss and probably for some his arc can thus be a bit boring even because the telling goes along with Teddy’s calm and pretty stable personality.

All in all his original traits are still there they’ve just grown up with him.

#teddy altman #hulkling #teddy kaplan altman #billy kaplan #billy kaplan altman #wiccan marvel #empyre marvel #emperor hulkling #wiccan x hulkling #wickling #death's head #young avengers #how can i make these analysis my day job?

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grimoireofwritings · 3 years

Note

Hi! Could i get a nsfw scenario where William masturbates for one night thinking about his fem s/o?

.......

So here's me, casually appearing randomly from the void to finally post this months later 0_0

I'm so sorry y'all, mental health has been in the gutter lately and suffering from major heart and brain damage at age 21 is just not a fun gig. Nonetheless, I hope this was worth the wait, you thirsty hoes >.<

Warnings: smut, light femdom ( I headcanon William with a lean towards sub )

Scenario: William's female s/o walks in on him jerking off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guilt.

It was all William could really feel in that moment. Well, aside from a general, looming sensation that had been plaguing the poor gentleman for a while now. It made his stomach all fluttery and nauseous with two completely contradicting urges... Which didn't result in a good state to rest in, as he lay propped up on his simple bedroom mattress. It had even prevented him from getting proper sleep lately. One such part of the equation was his complete and utter shame, which replayed punishing thoughts in his mind on repeat... Mentally battling with himself on how wrong it was to think such filthy things about a woman so pure and angelic. A body like that, he could easily imagine it sculpted from marble like the most honored and beautiful of Goddesses in ancient times. Every curve, and the warmth of that soft skin that he could dream of... How could he ever imagine desecrating it? Dirtying it, and perhaps staining it with his intent?

Apparently he could, and he did... Quite frequently. Such horrendously ungentlemanly thoughts popping into his mind had him mortified with himself.

For this reason, he kept his uncontrollably growing desires a secret from his partner. It seemed to him that she was comfortable with their current level of intimacy in their relationship, therefore.. he would remain quiet and allow her to call the shots. It had always been this way, with him considering himself lucky to have her in his life at all, what with a face like his... As well as his history. So he kept quiet, allowing her to make all the first moves so as to not make her uncomfortable. Despite the longing and craving he had for her, and the shame it brought him, he would suppress every last desire, and would never utter a word or clue about it.

It was getting harder however, every passing day. More and more challenging not to notice the lump in his throat when he had to refrain from staring at certain parts of her in particular outfits, and keep his hands from wandering over the perfectly smooth plains of her thighs, or even passionately gripping on to those breasts that took his breath away.

He gave a slight audible whine, there in his bed, tortured by these thoughts popping up once again.. because once they started, they couldn't stop. This time around for some reason it was particularly agonizing to ignore the growing need in his pajama pants, which was legitimately painful to disregard at this point. He'd end up sweating, palms gripping on to the sheets, as he refused to touch himself to the thought of her. Absolutely not... Never.. he could never be so degrading and perverted towards someone who deserved only the highest respect.

Even as he told himself this for the millionth time, the words had been losing their influence that week, and it was at that moment that he caved, giving a strangled whimper of regret whilst his right hand crept under his waistband. From that point on his vision went blurred and brimmed with red, framing pictures in his mind that could only consist of her.

And goodness was that woman breathtaking. He somehow felt starved for a touch he'd never quite experienced before with her... A deep craving as he could practically feel those lips of hers, divine and smooth like rose petals, grazing over his sensitive neck. Would she perhaps moan his name out softly into his ear, as his hands wrapped around her rear to slip a finger between her wetted and ready slit? Yes... Not only could William picture it, but he could almost feel it, too.

Hands, on her velvet skin, squeezing and caressing here and there.. her labored breaths brushing past his cheeks. By this point William had thoughtlessly worked up the courage to start stroking himself, his movements terrified and shaky, slow but gradual. The tortured man could not help himself.. he really couldn't. Despite the fact that he felt like an atrocious person, that previously sick feeling in his stomach was being replaced by mind splitting pleasure.

Warmth.. so much warmth he was feeling down there, in fact it was warm enough now that it was exactly what he imagined her hot, inviting mouth would feel like. This time he let out a soft but much more discernable moan, a couple of lost syllables and stutters rolling off of his lips as he imagined her tongue massaging in place of where his fingers currently were. He vaguely had a couple of thoughts warning him he should stop soon... She'd be back in their shared room any moment now, after finishing up her nightly chores around the headquarters. But he was way too far gone, and foggy in the brain, to give a damn and have the self control to even do so.

Not to mention, the slightest surfacing of precum wasn't helping, given that it added a slight lubricant to the situation and really solidified the illusion in his mind he'd created for himself. His greatest fantasy would be to have her ride him, perhaps..

Absolutely. Just her, in all of her glory, above him and in her rightful place where he could worship and adore from below. The image alone of her hair framing an expression of ecstacy like a curtain, eyes hazy with pleasure all because of him, whilst he allowed his hands to boundlessly wander over every surface of her divinity.. maybe his lips would latch on to her skin and travel down to a breast, all the while drowning in her sounds.. it was enough to drive him mad in the most beautiful way possible.

By that point, poor William Vangeance was too far gone to even notice the barely audible creaking of the door whilst his girlfriend stepped inside their now shared room. A slur of pathetic, whiney mumblings and moans were leaking out into the air for her to hear in utter shock, as well as her name whispered breathlessly to confirm that he was, in fact, masturbating while thinking of her.

"William? What are you doing?"

It was about as sudden as flipping off a light switch. Light to dark in an instant.. except this time it was his voice and his movements. In the dim room, the only light source being a small candle which cast an orange glow on his face, she could make out a look of complete panic, his entire frame completely paralyzed in his position. Had he gone catatonic?

While she had found the display amusing, she was now distracted, more worried about him than anything else. "Love? Are you alright? This isn't very expected of you.." she trailed off, but before she could finish, William snapped out of his trance, causing her to gasp and glance up at the unexpected tone of his voice.

The poor man could hardly form any coherent words in his next jumbled sentences, sometimes the only noticable parts being things like "I'm so sorry for-" and "I will get my things and go out to the front room couch for the night-" to which his partner was dumbfounded by his amount of panic. In fact, William looked to be on the verge of tears, utterly destraught, much to his partner's worry and dismay. However.. she figured she could easily fix this.

Sauntering over to him, she sat beside him on the bed, placing a finger to his lips in an instant to hush him. Leaning forward to speak directly to him, she could tell he thought he was in for a scolding, but what came next had his jaw practically hanging from its hinges in a gape.

"Touching yourself without me here to take care of your needs? You've got some nerve doing my job for me, Captain William Vangeance. I was surprised you hadn't asked me sooner for favors quite like the ones you were probably just imagining.. but now that I know you've been naughty and doing this in your own time, don't expect any mercy from me tonight. I'll prove to you why I'm far more efficient than your right hand. And I'd better not see this again."

She gave a cheeky smirk, completely digging that expression he was wearing. He 100% never would have guessed such lewd words could ever come out of her, and honestly, it already had his entire body lighting up with heat. That confidence from her.. the domineering and sexy edge to her lips, curled into a dark sneer.. it was all blindingly amplified the moment she straddled over him, looming over his body to speak in a low tone towards his ear. "Are you prepared for me to devour you?" She asked.

This was really doing it for him, and he caved, his pent up desire mixing with his excitement and impatience of the moment... Unable to handle the anticipation. As a result, he resumed, feeling already quite close to an orgasm as he frantically jacked himself off with her weight and presence above him. He just... Couldn't wait anymore. And she was too dazzling, too seductive, much too hypnotizing with those devilish words.

"You have the audacity to continue right after what I just said? Bold move, Captain. Either I underestimated you or you're fucking desperate for me. Which one is it? Care to share with me? If you do, perhaps I will let you off the hook... A bit."

"Y-y/n... P-please! L-let me-"

His begs and pleas were interrupted by a deafening, breathless, gasping cry as he came on the spot, a few whimpers following in a perfect sequence as the white hot pleasure seized violent hold of his body, almost aggressive in nature after having been repressed for so long. Panting, he watched his partner witness his helpless and needy state, almost amplifying the experience to a degree.

She was dead quiet, watching with sharp eyes and an intensity in her stare as he slowly came down from the high, body naturally going limp with exhaustion and his breathing evening out. He chuckled sheepishly then, eyeing her with a noticable hint of anticipation and excitement in his gaze, slightly curious if she'd follow through with her previous promise. "B-better to ask forgiveness than p-permission, right?" He tried meekly, biting his lip at that irresistible smirk returning to her face.

"Incorrect" she stated, which set his nerves aflame yet again.

"See... You're the one who wanted me so bad, aren't you? I honestly had no idea... Especially with how shy you are, I was waiting, but it seems you've made me wait longer than necessary. Not to mention, after directly disobeying me, you owe me a couple rounds. Understood? You'll bear with it like a good boy... And I'll be sure you enjoy it too."

There.. that softer look in her eyes at that last statement, despite how perfectly and wonderfully dominant she was - it made his heart melt. William found it very comforting that he didn't have to take charge right away and that she was naturally the one in charge in such an environment - he spent so much time worrying, being afraid, stressing, overthinking, and telling people what to do... That giving up control to someone he trusted was just a complete relief.

"Yes ma'am," he stated, having gained back some composure. "I'll do my best to endure whatever my goddess intends to give me.. please allow me to touch and praise you."

"Good boy," she cooed, encouraging his words of loyalty, as she slowly lowered herself to gently and sensually take him into her mouth to start off. Almost immediately, a tortured cry of overstimulation escaped him, but at the same time it felt completely euphoric.

It occured to William that one of the best nights of his life was about to take place, so he closed his eyes, and placed a hand down on the head bobbing over him.

~end~

#william vangeance #black clover #golden dawn #request #black clover imagines #black clover scenario #scenario

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supercorp-hosie · 3 years

Text

My thoughts for Legacies 315:

1) for the Star Wars, I have no knowledge about it, I saw some parallels of characters after the episode, it seems accurate, but I still have no idea why Hope’s characters in it didn’t even have a backstory or name lmao. I’m just overall unfazed;

2) the background of the trio and Alaric! There are like so much to address and I don’t know how to fully share my thoughts in-depth organisedly. I’ll try;

3) facts first: so it’s canon that Lizzie’s mental problem is diagnosed at earliest 11, but specific time unknown;

4) Jed activated his curse earliest at 11, since Lizzie had a crush on him for two weeks. I mean who would’ve thought that, common headcannons seem to incline on Josie x Jed tho😂. That just doesn’t randomly cross my mind🤣. Anyway, it doesn’t deny that Jed and Josie could be a thing too, since the twins often have the tendency to crush on the same person? I’m feeling like 60% of the time? I mean they obviously have the same preferences for LI, bad girl or bad boy type, anyone? Rafael, Sebastian, Jed, Jade, Penelope, Hope, Finch. They kind of have this thing with new people to their lives, for Josie, Rafael, Finch, Jade(it’s arguable but I think people tend to have a whole new lens when reconnecting with a disappeared person in your life for years when you’re very young. The perspectives are not the same, like you’re meeting a new person especially you don’t really know them before);

5) especially Lizzie, she definitely has a thing for new people that seems like bad boy/girl. I emphasised on the new people here bc I don’t think ethan is exactly that type, it’s just how Lizzie imagine him to be in that AU. Raf, Sebastian, Ethan....(maybe Jed was new when she crushed on him too, who knows), more specifically, it’s Strangers to Lovers trope for her romance department, so she can imagine as much as she wants and have the wildest dreams (bgm intended). Maybe Josie’s it’s not as much like this considering we don’t know how Posie happened, and with Hope her crush is canon when she was 12, but we don’t know how long exactly the crush was and when did it started, I just have to count that not being new person into her life. But I do get that why Josie said Lizzie always get the boy/girl Josie crushed on too, mostly they have the same type and preferences. Though they can randomly blurt out characters that we all don’t even know as more solid examples.;

6) Alaric and the fact of him being quite an absent father since the twins were 11 is solid canon. I understand the need to care for Hope because the world can’t afford a tribrid went uncared for and went around killing people, but still, the different perspectives of Hope and Lizzie to Alaric are very sad. To think that your father would betray you for another child, is very sad, even for Lizzie, the more dramatic one. So I understand that Caroline wasn’t there for the twins either, another absent parent. About the mother figure being diminished here, I’ll address it in another point. What’s left for Lizzie? Josie.

7) So basically Josie had to handle herself and Lizzie’s all by her own? That’s very hard! My BFF is bipolar, we are not living together, but before, my whole situation [for being in love with her + her situation] had really been hard for me too. I couldn’t imagine what’s it’s really like for Josie. (Another point that I need to address is the real mental problem that Lizzie has) Sure Alaric might not always be absent, but the intensity of Lizzie’s perspective begs to differ. Josie had to understand what is Bipolar at a very young age; had to be there for Lizzie when she had her outburst; had to be the one constantly check on Lizzie whether she had taken her meds; had to digest the emotion impacts from Lizzie after the outburst; had to understand how Lizzie functioned when she was down. None of that are easy, and there’s no one there to ask of what Josie really feels. How Josie pent out? What does she need? Josie might feel the need to be not wanting things and always be good so that she can get the love from Alaric (I remember in season 1, Josie felt the need to lose the game to get on Alaric good side) . So she just started to suppress her voice and her needs, because Lizzie need them the most. Over time or years of suppressing in front of her dearest family, she most likely felt unneeded by her parents, and forgettable to her parents(the girl that’s so quiet that her parents forget about her, the girl that Penelope won’t fight for anymore). She needed to feel needed, so she just let Lizzie take all of her, from whom she felt needed the most. So all of these from Josie’s perspectives, it started a vicious cycle for the twins. And leads to how the twins dynamics and how Josie are in present days. But her problem was never solved, they just accumulated day by day, year by year, leaving the good and dark side from Josie being so separated and unbalanced. The inner turmoil is always there. These lead to the extreme polarity of Josie’s good and bad side. When she’s doing bad, Josie would be especially aggressive than she needed to be because that’s an instinct to compensate the lack of action before. After long suppression, once being released, the instinct would be stronger than usual and harder to get it under control. Under the influence of dark magic, Dark Josie felt like another personality inside Josie here to take over the whole Josie and protect their interests that true Josie are neglecting. Kind of like dissociative identity disorder but not really it?? It’s just an understanding that I’ve been wanting to express, but so hard to organise it, because it’s so complex. By this understanding, I do still think that Josie should still be held accountable for her actions, even when dark magic was influencing her, like even people with mental health illness should be instituted and lost their freedom. I just think that it’s not fair to think she’s straight up very evil and do nothing good for people. It’s not like she’s being dark for no reason at all. This just mean that the dog that doesn’t bark can be more harmful than people think. These doesn’t mean that when Josie goes dark, she doesn’t deserve any leniency at all while holding her accountable. (And it’s not like she’s not beating herself up for most of the things she had done) Oh and sure, Josie should do the healthy way of voicing out these needs and all, to encourage a healthy dynamics between them like she’s the only healthy one between them, but still the problem is, they both lack the environment and guidance to make a healthy working relationship between themselves. How could they know what is healthy when the environment was already lack thereof.

8) Reading Lizzie’s diaries is bad, I understand, because you literally need to understand what leads to what, to gain control when your life is a chaos, but still. It’s even worse when you have that need to confide in another person to get things out wrongly. (I was having a phone call during the diary sharing review, but this is what I vaguely get) a) Josie is confiding the contents very specifically to another person that Hope can somehow reconstruct a sequel to it? b) Josie chose the wrong place to confide it since when she gets emotional, people can probably hear what was shared. At least from what I guess I got, it isn’t stated that she spread it to the whole school nor it was spread to the whole, even if that’s the case, it may not be on purpose, and she chose the wrong person to confide in. Like about the reveal in 112, she made up that Hope talking bad about Lizzie to the whole school, but it doesn’t mean that she spread it nor the whole school actually knows. Another case is, even if the school knows, it could easily be known by any passerby to Lizzie outburst and spread in the school. From what we saw from 101, the kitchen is a public space, the utensils and cutleries breaking should be very alarming, and there are students with intensified senses in the school. By that fact itself, it doesn’t really help Lizzie in being discreet of her illness. Still, sharing your sister’s diaries after reading it is really bad. But I do get that, sometimes you really need to talk to someone that know some of the situation but don’t really know the person in question to recalibrate yourself. But that person have to be like the dead end of all school gossip but not close to Lizzie, so it can do no harm (because he/she/they literally have no use to talk to someone with all these, usually there’s this no name policy, but with Lizzie being her sister, it’s useless hiding, maybe) when you disclose something related to her pertaining your own issues. Josie should apologise for sharing Lizzie diaries, even if Hope was not meant to know that, despite her werewolf hearing. For the reading part, did we get the apology tho? I guess we had? If negative, apologies needed.;

9) From Lizzie perspective, we can see her does Josie wrong but didn’t apologise either. Like Lizzie being princess but Josie being her android, personalised valet? It just showed that during that period of time(specifically from when until when tho, that’s a question), after what Josie had been enduring, taking care of her, Lizzie thought of herself being princess but didn’t actually think Josie as her equal? Like how the Android was programmed to bow to Lizzie? That’s just the habit of the twins dynamic showing, also partly Josie mistake, but Josie does deserves to be perceived as more than that, even when she’s derogatory to herself, Lizzie should uphold that for her. Their dynamics is just sad because it’s not entirely the twins fault, it’s also due to the absent parents in the household, they didn’t know better, they can only depend on each other. They’re orphaned like Hope in a way when their parents are still present. Even though they have privileges as Alaric’s daughters, but that doesn’t help with their real situation. This is just a perfect example of how your family shaped you, but we can still fight to shape ourselves after the power that our parents have over us gradually diminished, like how they’re starting to shape themselves more now as they’re coming to age.

10) What really warms me from the Android situation, despite Josie feeling like she’s being degraded the whole time, a subject to Lizzie, is that from how Josie is the combination of two Androids, also shows that how Lizzie actually looked up to Josie. Maybe it’s not addressed, but I see that. For Lizzie, Josie can really do so much things for her, take care of her so closely that Lizzie can count Josie as her personal valet. Derogatory, yes, but that place is also very important to prince and princess, bc they can literally do nothing to take care of their daily lives themselves well, like Merlin for Arthur (I mean the actions, not the presumably romantic relationship). Without Merlin, Arthur life is a mess! And the knowledge for Android part, it means that in Lizzie’s mind, Josie actually is like the person who knows everything😂 usually that figure should be our parents😭, but for Lizzie, it’s Josie, like she knows the answer to all. It’s sad and warming at the same time. Just more appreciation will do! And the fact that the special sword that they’re finding the whole time was in Josie’s thigh, just show how the trust that Lizzie had in Josie, not even their parents can triumph it, because Josie was the one being there the whole time. So they really deserves each other despite all the shitty things they have done to each other.

11) about Lizzie mental illness, I was recommended a post informing people about how Legacies fucked up Lizzie’s illness. After my own research, I do agree with the OP, I think that Lizzie situation is more like borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar, but that doesn’t make the whole situation easy. I can provide the table I made the next time regarding that.

12) Hope being Lizzie’s villain is really fitting, lmao, the intensity of Alaric care for Hope is so much that even Lizzie thought that Alaric would betray the twins for Hope.

13) I like Hope’s look. Josie being the Android that malfunction sometimes is funny too, especially when Josie is angry the whole time, cuz it’s infuriating too🤣🤣

14) Hope and Josie during Lethan kiss is me. How they’re totally in the same team when Lizzie being like that? Hosie are both wary of their characters and backstory? Hosie rights. Hhhhhh, oh Hope might be jealous of Ethan😂 Hizzie rights.

15) Another Hizzie rights, Hope wrote a sequel to Lizzie fanfic. And..... is Hope officially a nerd too???? I can’t! Hhhhh but maybe not, or else Hope would have known who she was.

16) Lizzie says, maybe deep down I still feel that you’re the chosen one (IN HER OWN STORY)

17) Younger Hope kind of break my heart more. It’s so sad😭😭 how she’s in denial of their parents death, and blame it on herself.....no baby. How Hope just have to tell herself all that again. And about Hope being scavenger, I think it’s fitting too. Her life, like the twins, is in pieces too. She had to pick them up herself, and build a world where her heart and hope can rest safely, and that just make her not mad at Josie burning down her room gayer. She was so closed up to herself that her room is like another world for her. So forgiving Josie just because of her crush, is like Josie and her crush on Hope meant the world to her???? Hosie rights! Anyway, Josie still messed up with that.

18) Having Younger Hope saying those things to Josie, oh my heart! Josie is a protector for Hope! Hosie rights! And Hope knowing the truth to stop Lord Marshall! Malivore, and Josie just stop talking because she doesn’t want to encourage Hope to die😍😍 Younger Hope actually wants to be best friends with the twins!!!!

19) Hope literally just stop growing taller after 12/13 like I did, is fact! And I’m comforted by that, sorry not sorry, lmao!

20) For real I don’t understand why Hope is suddenly full tribrid at the end. When she fights with Malivore.

21) The gun fight and sword fight is so weird! It’s like the gunners don’t know how to shoot at all, like they’re in slow motion, difficultly level easy to the audience, it’s so fake. I’m for Hope being badass, but it seems like the show doesn’t know how to portray a good fight scene. The sword fight is like in slow motion. And if Hope is to combine magic with sword fighting, she should combine them more. I don’t feel she’s badass at all, cuz it’s literally level easy😑

22) Star Wars AU have brought up so many childhood unresolved for the trio to understand each other more and be a better team. I love them ended up being all supportive and the panda promise🤣🤣 I love that the twins just agree not to let Hope die like that. But they’re like promise that a little later than Cleo and Landon? My team Sowanby! Applause to Handon, but please don’t be together again! Strike three, no is no!

23) for MG, Jed, Kaleb, they really need to make up with each other, I’m glad that they finally made it. And Kaleb being jealous of Methan? Lmao! And MG didn’t even say Ethan name? I love Maleb bonding, and MG never left his man behind!! Another things is, what’s wrong with those boys fighting scenes? We saw them throwing valuables to distract the monster again?! What if the keys are damaged? How are you going to go home? Oh and Jed being useful!

24) Jed last name is Tien, 田/填 in Chinese, I’ve shared enough in my other post. But still WE DONT ACTUALLY HAVE JED FIRST NAME! Give us that!

25) Still, I don’t understand how the wendigo is not dead yet. And how come it’s defeated by fire this time??

26) I don’t quite actually know what’s happening with Dorian. Is he okay? I bet he is, so Emma is coming back, right? Based off what the conversation is? We need Emma, really.

27) regarding Emma, is the lack of mother figure that I want to address when stating the twins dynamic. I don’t actually know a lot from TVD or TO, I just happen to know some general things and snippets from edits. But I know Hayley’s words before she dies, like “I’m not going to teach my daughter it’s okay to let people she loves die” and paint art, have at least one epic love? But for real, in legacies, all I get for Hayley is 103, Josie paying her respects, but none other than that. It’s all Klaus. I believe that Hayley is an important figure to Hope too. But she’s not mentioned enough, it’s kind of erasing her impact on Hope?? Like Caroline too, we get her phone calls, the twins trip to Europe to treat their problems off-screen, the letter for Lizzie in 302, the recommendation for Lizzie to go to the witch retreat, but not vetted by Alaric.....yes she get all these and Jo Laughlin being there in 106 (I cried so hard). But still the mother figure is still being minimised. Like in Lizzie’s fanfic there’s never a place for Caroline? How surreal? It doesn’t make sense. (I understand the actress is just not returning). But still these doesn’t change the fact that the show is lacking a mother figure as a whole. Emma should be that.

28) Clarke!!! Like it’s predictable! But what’s unpredictable is that he went straight to shower🤣🤣🤣 I love his snarkiness! Clarke meeting Hope half naked! Holarke! Hhhhhh

I’m too tired, sharing this episodes thoughts is exhausting me. There must be something I left out, please feel free to remind me!

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yelena-bellova · 3 years

Text

Don’t Be Afraid: Poe Dameron x Solo!Reader - Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty: Party on Pasaana

Plot: Poe, Y/n, Finn, Rey and the rest of the gang journey to Pasaana to try and find the Wayfinder.

Series Masterlist

Warnings: none really

Word Count: 6.8k

A/N: I’M BACK! This is by no means my best or favorite chapter but it moves the story along and boy, is there a lot coming...Hopefully you’ve stuck around this long and if not, I’m not offended. Hope you enjoy!

----

Despite the fact that I’d spent my day fixing the Falcon, me and Chewie still ran every diagnostic possible on it before even thinking about taking her up. She was too temperamental to be treated any differently.

“You know I love flying with you, but don’t feel like you’re obligated to come with, Chew,” I said, closing up the last panel on the underside of the ship, “This one isn’t going to be a simple supply run.”

Chewie groaned in protest at my offer to let him stay on base, reminding me of the promise he’d made to Dad. That he’d protect me and he didn’t intend to stop doing that anytime soon.

I conceded to the Wookiee and emerged from underneath the Falcon. I found Rey finishing her repairs as Poe stood nearby, patting her on the arm, “We’re going with you. Chewie, you get that compressor fixed?” “No, I did,” I answered, dusting off my hands on my pants. The two of us still hadn’t spoken since our fight earlier in the day. “What do you mean you’re coming with us?” Poe separated from Rey, revealing Finn and the droids behind him, and led me to the side of the Falcon. He kept space between us, probably because he didn’t know where we stood after our fight.

“Do you honestly think we’d let you guys take this on by yourselves?” he asked.

“Poe,” I shook my head, “Rey and I don’t even know what we’re walking into, I don’t want to throw you guys in the line of danger.” “So it’s too dangerous for me to risk my life but not you?” he asked with raised brows, wedging me between a metaphorical rock and a hard place, “Y/n, we’re a team. If one of us goes, we all go.” I hung my head in frustration, these were the type of situations that I hated the most. I couldn’t protect everyone, that had been made clear, and I certainly couldn’t justify to Poe why it was okay for me to charge headfirst into a fight but not him. Though I’d try every time, even if it was bound to end in failure.

“Fine,” I relented, shrugging and letting my hands fall against my legs, “But I’m flying us there.”

“Understood,” Poe agreed, pulling a corner of his lip up in an almost smile, “I am sorry about today, y’know…It was stupid of me not to think about how much the Falcon means to you.” “Me too,” I sighed, remembering all the harsh words we had flung at one another in contrast to the white flags me were now waving. This wasn’t the first makeup we’d had lately. Not by a long shot. Poe and I had been fighting more than usual, tensions were high with all that was going on and our relationship wasn’t escaping un-scorched. There was never any doubt as to whether or not we still loved each other, but we needed to find better ways of dealing with our stress rather than taking it out on each other. “Chewie told me there was only one escape route and you took it. You guys coming back alive is more important than anything else.”

Where there should have been a kiss or intertwined fingers, there was only silence and our best attempts to smile. There was so much lying underneath the surface that we didn’t ever have time to deal with.

“I wish you’d tell me.” I tried my hardest not to look phased, “Tell you what?” Poe swallowed as he stared into my eyes, “Whatever it is you’re keeping from me.” Every hair on my body stood to attention and fear shot through my veins. I knew he’d become suspicious of me but we hadn’t addressed it out loud before. Once the words of distrust hit the air, it became a true issue. The bottom line of it all was if Poe knew I had been in contact with Ren, he would never trust me with anything ever again.

My tongue peeked out to wet my lips as I nervously shifted my weight to my other foot, “I need you to trust me that what I’m doing, I’m doing for the good of the Resistance.” “We don’t keep secrets from each other, Y/n,” he shook his head and placed his hands on his hips, “That’s not us.” “You wouldn’t understand it, it’s Jedi stuff.” He bit his lip and nodded sarcastically, “Oh, so because I’m not a Jedi, my little average brain couldn’t possibly understand whatever problem you’ve got? Thanks for clearing that up.” “Poe,” I took a step and reached out to grab his forearm, “I didn’t mean it like that. Just please trust me. Everything I do, I do it to keep us safe.” I watched the emotions flicker in his eyes, changing from confusion to anger to desperation to hurt. The thought of confessing to him came through my mind at least ten times a day, but it wasn’t possible. Selfishly, I didn’t want to watch him learn of my betrayal. He would never look at me the same way and I wasn’t ready to lose that.

“I trust you more than anyone,” he finally said, stiffening his voice to hide his emotions, “I just wish you felt the same way about me.” He shrugged out of my hand’s hold and made his way up the ship’s ramp. I chewed on my bottom lip and leaned my forehead against one of the Falcon’s legs. There was nobody on any planet in any galaxy who I trusted more than Poe. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me and the fact that he was beginning to doubt my trust in him was a sucker punch. This time he wasn’t at fault, he only wanted to help me shoulder the burden. But there was nothing he could do to aid in the mental torture I was inflicting on myself.

I turned on my heels to go find my mother but froze at the sight of her and Rey locked in an embrace. I could sense the sadness in Rey that came with leaving her, the only mother figure she could remember having. Watching as she turned away, clipping Uncle Luke’s lightsaber to her belt, I took my cue to say my farewell.

“We’ll check in when we can, if we can,” I stated, partially as a commander but also a daughter to her worried mom, “Who knows, maybe we’ll be back in time for dinner.” A lame attempt at humor, yes, but there was nothing I wouldn’t do to try and make her smile in the most concerning of hours. “Look out for each other, don’t take too many risks,” she instructed, taking my hand in hers, “And come back in one piece.” There was some feeling in the air that I couldn’t put a name to, but it was there nonetheless. I never liked leaving Mom but with the stakes as high as they were, I felt a new sense of dread. I wasn’t immune to fear of losing my life and the reality of something happening to me and leaving her on her own caused a new urgency inside me to come back alive.

“I love you,” I whispered, squeezing her hands tight as tears began to fill my eyes, “So much.” “My darling,” I could hear the emotion in her voice that she was pushing down, “You are the greatest love I could have ever asked for.”

There wasn’t much more that could be said as I bent down to hug her, there was so much meaning inside our few words. We’d survived for a year as a family of two, something we were never meant to do, but we’d somehow done it. Mom’s health had begun to worsen with her age, but the incident on the Raddus had forced what was natural to happen prematurely. She got tired quicker, she required a cane sometimes and needed my help more often, though she always tried to avoid asking. I didn’t think it possible but we’d somehow grown closer in the last year, which made it all the more important that the mission go right and I return safely.

She whispered against my ear, “May the force be with you.” I pulled back with a watery smile, “We’re gonna need it.” With a kiss to her cheek, I forced myself to head back to the ship with a deep pain in my chest. It felt like I was tied to both the Falcon and Mom, the more distance I put between her and I, the more I began to hurt. It lit yet another flame of determination inside me to come back victorious.

Rey had waited for me outside the Falcon, attempting to act like she hadn’t witnessed the tender moment. The two of us shared a hopeful smile before we walked up the ramp together. When we arrived in the cockpit, it was apparent that it was going to be a tight fit. Rey moved to take the empty co-pilot’s chair with Chewie standing in the back, waiting to be called to action. Poe and I didn’t bother to make eye contact choosing instead to bury our pain for a later date. I gave Finn a good natured slap on the shoulder before sinking into the captain’s chair. I’d flown the Falcon hundreds of times by now and yet each time I took the controls, I felt like a child way out of their depth. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, there was no time to waste on fear. All that mattered was the mission.

“Next stop,” I narrated as I readied myself to lift the ship off the ground, “Pasaana…” ————

“You sure this is it?” Poe asked from the front of our group.

“I followed the coordinates perfectly,” I panted, already missing the jungle heat as opposed to Pasaana’s dry kind, “Right, 3PO?”

“Mistress Y/n is correct, these are the exact coordinates that Master Luke left behind.” We rounded the bend of the hill we’d climbed to find the least likely scenario on a planet we’d thought remote; a party.

“What is this?”

“The Aki-Aki Festival of the Ancestors,” 3PO explained, “This celebration occurs only once every 42 years.” “Well, that’s lucky,” Finn commented from beside me.

“Lucky indeed, this festival is known for both its colorful kites and its delectable sweets.” Under normal circumstances, I have had all the patience in the world with the droid I’d spent my whole life around. But now, overlooking the obstacle that would make it harder to find the Wayfinder and ultimately save the galaxy, I joined my friends in staring him down. “3PO, read the room.” “Let’s get down there,” Poe directed with a thumb tucked into his holster, “This is gonna take way longer than it should.” Having spent the better part of my life traveling, I loved getting to immerse myself in different planet’s cultures. It was one of the reasons my diplomatic skills were so highly tuned, I knew how to connect with all different types of people. So there was a small part of me, though stressed, that made a note to take in the sounds of the Aki-Aki’s chants and the array of colors in the crowd. I wasn’t the only one interested in the details either…

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” a wide eyed Rey commented as Finn and Poe passed us by.

“I’ve never seen so few Wayfinders,” Finn retorted.

“Take in what you can, we won’t be back for another 42 years,” I bumped Rey with my hip before following our group.

“There’s always random First Order patrols in crowds like these, so, keep your heads down,” Poe turned to look back at us, zeroing in on the only one tall enough to stick out, “Chewie. Let’s split up, see what the locals know.”

Rey was too taken by her surroundings to fully register what Poe was saying and Finn had gone with my boyfriend, leaving me to follow along with them. As soon as I did, Poe turned to me, “What are you doing?” “…Coming with you?” “We’ve gotta cover as much ground as possible,” he gestured over towards a grouping of tents, “Try talking to some of the traders, see if they know anything.” Thinning my eyes at him in shock that we were on a mission and Poe didn’t want me with him, I decided that now wasn’t the time to fight back. “Fine, Bee,” I called to my boyfriend’s droid hovering near Rey, “You’re with me.” The two of us made our way through a couple vendor’s booths, unsuccessful in getting any information about the location of the Wayfinder. I didn’t even have to do much talking with them, my senses could tell me whether or not my question brought up any memories. Which was good for me because I wasn’t in the mood to do a lot of chit chatting. Bee must have picked up on my silent frustration because he nudged me in my calf, urging me to talk. “He could have said it about ten other ways,” I vented, “But instead he had to make it sound like I was doing something wrong by going with them.” You know how he can be when he’s stressed. “I’m stressed too,” I cried, gesturing to my chest, “And maybe I wanted to go with him because I feel a little less worried when I’m with him. It’s never mattered what’s going on, we’ve always partnered together on missions. Clearly he doesn’t need me this time.” Didn’t you two have a fight before we left? Do you think it has something to do with that? I sighed defeatedly, “Probably…Or the fight we had earlier today, or the one we had just before he left a few days ago…” There was no shortage of examples I could have given as to why Poe didn’t want to be around me. “Things aren’t great between us right now.”

Maybe you should talk to him about it.

“Not right now, Bee. There’s bigger things at hand then Poe and I fighting. Nobody here knows anything, let’s go find the others.” When we made it back, Finn and Poe were engrossed in a conversation with an Aki-Aki. He turned his focus to me, “Got anything?” “I’d probably be a little more enthusiastic if I did, Dameron,” I remarked, taking a spot across from him instead of next to.

He looked between me and Finn, who was trying to remain focused on the Aki-Aki in question, “Whoa, what’s going on?”

The saddest part of why I was angry was the heart of the matter, Poe and I weren’t functioning like the inseparable couple we’d been for the last year. We were functioning like soldiers, ones who bickered at any chance we were given. And while I wanted nothing more than to talk to him about how I felt and ask him when things had gotten like this, not even love could come before war. I looked up at him, the frustration and hurt clearly painted clearly across my face, “Nothing that matters right now, I’m gonna go question some others but don’t worry, I’ll do it by myself.”

Just as Poe was opening his mouth to reply and I was ready to turn away, Rey came running in our direction. “We have to go. Back to the Falcon, now,” she ordered.

“Why?” Finn asked. “It’s Ren.”

Despite the anxiety running through my veins, I took a contradictory step forward. “He’s here?”

“He’s on his way,” Rey answered, her eyes wide and locked with mine.

“Then let’s get the hell out of here,” Poe began tracing our path back to the Falcon with his eyes, “It’s back this way.”

We ran through the festival with our heads on a swivel, until Poe shot his arm out as a barrier when we came face to face with a stormtrooper. “Freeze! Hold it right there. I’ve located the Resistance fugitives, all units report-“ A dart whizzed past us and landed perfectly in the trooper’s eye. We turned to see a figure holding a crossbow standing behind one of the tents, dressed in robes and his face covered with a helmet. “Follow me.”

With no other options in sight, we trusted in our mysterious savior and followed him. We climbed into his vehicle slowly rolling through the festival. “Leia sent me a transmission,” his modulated voice said before speaking in an alien language to the driver. “Okay, how’d you find us?” Finn asked what we were all thinking. The man reached to take his helmet off and I was greeted by a face I hadn’t seen in years. He grinned, “Wookiees stand out in a crowd.” “Lando!”

Chewie moaned his excitement at seeing his old friend and shoved his way past us all to hug him. “It’s good to see you too, old buddy,” he laughed before turning to me, “Look at you, the princess is all grown up.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed for the first time all day, “I can’t believe you’re here.” “This is General Lando Calrissian,” 3PO said from behind us.

“We know who he is, 3PO,” Rey gently admonished.

“It is an honor, General,” Finn said, a big smile gracing his face. “General Calrissian,” Poe spoke up, “We’re looking for Exegol.”

Lando looked between our crew before centering on me, “Of course she’d send you.” I scrunched up my nose and tilted my head, “I didn’t give her much of a choice.” He shook his head with laughter, “You’re her daughter alright…” he flicked his wristlet on and a holo of a Wayfinder appeared, “Only two were made.” “A Sith Wayfinder,” Rey said, “Luke Skywalker came here to find one.” “I know,” Lando chuckled, “I was with him, Luke and I were tailing an old Jedi hunter,” he changed the image on his holo to a creature, “Ochi of Bestoon. He was carrying a clue that could lead to a Wayfinder. We followed his ship halfway across the galaxy here. When we got to his ship, it was abandoned. No clue, no Wayfinder.” “Is the ship still here?” I asked.

“It’s out in the desert where he left it.” “We need to get there, search it again,” Rey suggested.

My posture straightened as the sound of ship engines filled my ears. I peered out a window to see a small bunch of First Order ships flying towards the festival grounds.

“I got a bad feeling about this,” Lando muttered before turning to us, “Ochi’s ship is out past Lurch Canyon. Go!” “Thank you, General,” Poe said before beginning to help each of us out of the crawler.

Chewie moaned his happiness at seeing Lando again, something he reciprocated. Before taking Poe’s extended hand, I quickly embraced my non-biological uncle. “We’re on Ajan Kloss, come join us. We need pilots.” “My flying days are long gone,” he gently declined before taking my hands into his, “But do me a favor, give your mother my love.”

“I will, as long as you consider coming,” I said before kissing his cheek and allowing Poe to help me out. My heart ached to walk away from another member of my family…

“Can’t believe I never put it together that you’re a princess.” Poe said from beside me as we sprinted through the desert. I was hoping no one had noticed Lando’s long standing nickname for me.

“Of a planet that ceased to exist long before I was born,” I panted, “I don’t think that counts for much.” “Doesn’t matter, I’m still going to call you Your Highness,” Finn called from ahead. “There,” Poe pointed, “Those speeders,” he tossed his gloves off, slid beneath the vehicles and began hot-wiring the vehicles. The yelling of a group of Aki-Aki, presumably the owners of the speeders, made him hurry through his work. “We gotta go!”

Finn, Poe and 3PO hopped into one while Rey, Bee, Chewie and I crowded into the other. I didn’t have time to look back as I began steering but I could sense that Poe was surprised that I didn’t come with him. The urge to turn around and yell at him for the exact same thing that had happened moments before was strong, but once again not our highest priority. What was important was the stormtroopers tailing us. Rey took over on offense while I piloted us, it wasn’t until her cry of my name that I turned around. The troopers were flying through the air using jetpacks, something none of us had ever seen.

“I can’t get a clear shot!” Rey yelled.

“Switch with me!”

She continued firing her blaster as she moved to the front of the speeder where I let her take the wheel. I ducked down next to Bee and calculated what angle I needed them to be at for my plan to work.

I’ve got an idea. “Bee, not now,” I shouted over the engine, turning back to the problem at hand. Ignoring my ignoring him, Bee began tapping away at a stray canister in front of us until it shot up into the air. A yellow explosion burst from the canister in front of the stormtroopers. When one emerged from the cloud, his disoriented driving sent him off a ramp like cluster of rocks. Rey turned and took a perfect shot, the trooper’s speeder exploding in the air.

“Never underestimate a droid,” she grinned.

“He’s doing my work for me!” I replied, standing back up and nudging Bee, “Now where’s Poe and Finn?” “Y/n, look,” I joined Rey at the front of the speeder, “Ochi’s ship.”

Parked atop a large structure of rocks was a modest craft that hopefully contained the answers we needed.

Rey’s face turned serious, “I’ve seen that ship before.”

“Y/n! Rey!”

I whipped around to see Poe and Finn’s speeder flying up behind us, “You get all of them?”

As I inhaled to answer triumphantly, the speeder was thrown forward and us with it. We flew through the air before landing roughly in a pile of dark sand, the screams of the rest of our group following directly after. I rolled over with a groan and looked up to see one last trooper whizzing through the air. Finally getting to go through with my original plan, I got to my knees and raised one of my hands, force pushing him into one of the cliffs.

“So they fly now,” I exhaled, falling back on my heels. As soon as my full weight landed in the sand, it began collapsing into itself.

“What the hell is this?” Poe exclaimed, I looked over to see the same sensation happening to him.

“Sinking field,” Rey cried, “Try to grab something!”

I struggled against the pull of the field to try and reach a piece of our smoking speeder, but my torso was already below the surface making it nearly impossible. I had landed somewhat near Poe and tried to wriggle my way to where he was, him already doing the same. I stretched my arm out as far as it could and barely brushed his fingers when his head dipped down below the surface. “Y/n!” he called out just as I lost sight of him. “No!” I yelled, throwing my arm into the pit and fishing around to try and grab him. “Rey, Y/n,” Finn said frantically, “I never told you tha-“ he disappeared into the black sand, lost to us. “What? Finn!” Rey called, it was the last thing I heard below my body was pulled under fully.

What followed was pure darkness, I kept my eyes squeezed shut as to not get anything in my eyes. In a flash of panic, I flailed about and tried to swim upwards back to the surface for a breath of air. All I could do was struggle and pray that I met the bottom, I didn’t want to die in a pit of sand. After a few seconds, I crashed through something hard and my back hit open air. I fell to the ground with a groan, Bee’s beeps and squeals a homing beacon in the dark. “Poe,” I sat up, feeling around the dimly lit cave for him, “Poe…” “I’m here,” he replied, I could barely make out his silhouette as he crawled on his knees to me. His gloved hand wrapped around my arm, making his close presence known, “Are you okay?” In a rare moment of tenderness, something we hadn’t felt in a long time, I reached up and laced my hand through his curls bringing his forehead down to meet mine. “Where’s everybody else?” Poe pulled me to my feet and unsheathed his flashlight, “Rey! Finn!”

“You didn’t say my name, sir, but I’m alright,” 3PO said, coming in from the other side of the cave.

The sand seeping out of the ceiling of the cave followed by loud grunts sent Poe and I bolting towards it just in time for him to catch Rey and ease her down to the ground. “You all right?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, “Where’s Finn?” “Where’s Chewie?” I asked, rotating my head rapidly to try and get a full scope of the cave. On cue, Chewie dropped harshly from the ceiling with a moan, I ran over to him and helped him sit up.

Finn climbed out of a hole behind us, “I’m good. What is this place?” He stumbled towards us, the four of us huddled together for a relieved reunion.

Poe had one hand on Finn’s shoulder and one clutching my waist, he pressed a quick peck to my temple. “I thought we were goners,” he panted, I savored the feeling of being close to him even if it had taken thinking we were going to die to get there.

“Which way out?” Finn asked.

I squinted as I looked at our surroundings, “Can’t see a thing.” One step ahead of me, Rey unclipped her lightsaber from her belt and ignited it, lighting our path. Poe stepped forward as well, clicking his inferior flashlight on as if it would make a difference next to the luminous weapon. Shaking my head at my boyfriend, I ignited my own saber and followed Rey, “We need to hurry if Ren’s on his way. “So what was it?” Rey asked as Finn joined us.

“What?” he replied confusedly.

“What you were gonna tell Y/n and I?” A beat passed, “When?” “When you were sinking in the sand, you said ‘I never told you…’” Rey spelled it out for him.

He inched closer to the two of us and lowered his voice, “I’ll tell you later.” “You mean when Poe’s not here?” the man in question asked from behind us, staring Finn down as he squeezed between the three of us.

“Yeah,” Finn replied confidently.

“We’re gonna die in sand burrows and we’re all keeping secrets?” Poe deliberately turned his head to look at me when he hit the word ‘secrets,’ a wave of guilt washing over me.

“I’ll tell you when you tell us about all that shifty stuff you do,” Finn fired back, referring to to hot-wiring of the speeders and no doubt something else he’d seen Poe do recently.

“I do not wanna know what made these tunnels,” Poe commented as he took the lead at the front of our group.

Ever the helper, 3PO jumped in to give an answer. “Judging by the circumference of the tunnel walls…” Poe turned to the droid, “I said I do not wanna know. Not,” he realigned his focus ahead of us, spotting something in the shadows, “What’s that?” “Is that a speeder?” Finn asked. “An old one,” Rey answered as she got a closer look. “Wonder if it still runs,” I said, running a hand over the dusty vehicle, “We’re gonna need a way out of here.” “Perhaps we will find the driver,” 3PO said hopefully. I think they’d be dead by now.

“Yep, BB-8, I think dead too,” Poe responded to his droid’s astute observation.

“Oh, my,” 3PO pointed towards the symbol on the front of the speeder, “A hex charm.”

“What’s a hex charm?” I asked, shining my saber over the detail and getting a look at it myself.

“A common emblem of Sith loyalists,” 3PO answered. “The Sith…” I mumbled under my breath, running a finger over it and catching the dust in my hand.

“This was Ochi’s?” Finn asked. “Luke sensed it,” Rey stepped forward, “Ochi never left this place.” “And he ended up down here,” Finn continued the train of thought.

“He was headed for his ship,” Poe completed the sentence, “Same thing happened to us, happened to him.” I followed Rey who was hot on the scent of something, the two of us spotting the skeleton at the same time. “So how did Ochi get out?” I took a breath, “He didn’t.” The four of us moved as one to examine the carcass, mangled and broken into pieces but clearly bearing resemblance to a creature. “No he didn’t…” Finn muttered.

“Bones,” Poe said from beside me, turning away for a second to stifle a gag, “I don’t like bones.” “Bones? Never a good sign,” 3PO commented.

My eyes flitted over the scene while Rey searched deeper, spotting a bump in the sand with Bee and helping him to unearth it. She pulled out a unique carved dagger, I could sense the same thing upon seeing it that she could. “Horrible things…have happened with this,” she trembled. “The writing…” I crouched down next to her, running a finger over the weapon and trying to figure out what language the script was written in, “I don’t recognize it, 3PO?”

The loyal droid came forward and took the dagger from my outstretched palm. “The location of the Wayfinder has been inscribed upon this dagger,” he announced, “It’s the clue that Master Luke was looking for.” “And? What does it say?” I asked with a hopeful smile.

3PO turned to our group, “I am afraid I cannot tell you.” “20.3 fazillion languages and you can’t read that?” Poe asked in confusion.

“I have read it, sir, I know exactly where the wayfinder is,” the droid responded, “Unfortunately, it is written in the runic language of the Sith.” “And?” I asked, inklings of impatience seeping out of my voice.

“My programming forbids me from translating it.” “So you’re telling us the one time we need you to talk,” Poe shook his head, “You can’t?”

“Irony, sir,” the droid answered, backing up to face us head on, “I am mechanically incapable of speaking translations from Sith. I believe the rule was passed by the Senate of the Old Republic.” I wasn’t listening, none of us were listening as he went on, instead focusing on the large serpent that had appeared behind 3PO with a growing growl. The four of us took a startled step back and held out our various weapons. It let out a meaning roar followed by a loud hiss, alerting 3PO to its presence. “Serpent! Serpent! Serpent!” Surprisingly, Rey placed a hand on top of Poe’s blaster and lowered it as the serpent showed off its razor sharp teeth once again. Keeping her eye trained on the beast, she blindly handed her lightsaber out for Finn to take. “Rey…” he cautioned, gripping the weapon tight in his grip. I could sense what she was sensing as I watched her approach, the serpent was crying out in pain more than anything else

“I’m gonna blast it,” Poe said quietly, his blaster once again aimed at the snake.

“Don’t,” I whispered, contradicting my words as I kept my saber activated in my hand, ready to fight if necessary. Rey kneeled down next to the snake, her eyes still locked with it as she laid her hand over its body. It snarled at her but she didn’t flinch, shutting her eyes and doing what I suspected she would do. She healed whatever wound the serpent had, receiving a small non-threatening moan in thanks. It snaked away down another pathway of the cave, revealing an exit that lit the cave up with the sunlight of Pasaana.

Bee rolled forward to ask Rey what she had done as she rubbed her hand, “I just transferred a bit of life. Force energy from me to him. You would’ve done the same.” “Luckily, we won’t have that problem again,” I said as I deactivated my lightsaber and clipped it back onto my belt, helping Rey up after, “Nice job.” Our group climbed out of the hole and we got a good look at the rock structure that displayed Ochi’s ship we’d seen during our speeder chase. “Looks like we’ve got our ride,” Poe commented as we walked up the rocks.

“We cannot possibly fly in that old wreck,” 3PO interjected.

“We gotta keep moving, find someone who can translate that dagger,” Poe replied, “Like a helpful droid.” “I suggest we return to the Millennium Falcon at once,” the droid said as forcefully as he was capable of being. “Troopers’ll be waiting at the Falcon,” I said, pausing my steps to try and shove aside the pain I felt at the thought of leaving my beloved ship behind, “We’ll find a way to get it back.”

Not more than two seconds after I spoke did each hair on my body stand up straight and a cold wave run through my body. I twisted to look out upon the miles of sand and rock, sensing the familiar presence of Ren yet not being able to see him. Rey and I shared a look, concern mixed with understanding that someone had to deal with it. I could feel that it was her that needed to confront him, I wasn’t the only one that shared a complicated history with the Supreme Leader. I nodded understandingly to her, the two of us not needing to speak a single word.

“What is it?” Finn asked, approaching the two of us. “I’ll be right behind you,” she said, handing Finn her staff and bag, “It’s okay.”

She passed by both of us, heading back down the way we’d come to go deal with our problem. “Let’s go,” I directed, turning back towards our new ride, “She’s got this.” The rest of us climbed the rest of the rocks until we hit Ochi’s ship, opening the ramp and heading into the heart of it. “Let’s see what we’ve got,” Poe said, switching on the flickering lights, “Let’s get those converters fired up.”

Finn, Poe and I marched to the cockpit, swiping at dusty cobwebs that adorned the ship. Poe flipped open the shutters and started her up proudly while Finn and I were more focused on looking out the windows for Rey. “Where is she?” he asked me.

Poe interrupted before I could form an answer, “Guys, help me out over here.” “Chewie, tell Rey we gotta go,” Finn ordered the Wookiee, who looked to me for confirmation. I gave a short nod and ran off the assist Poe in getting the ship up and running.

“What is she doing?” he grumbled as he sat down in the captain’s chair. “She’s helping us out,” I sat down in the seat next to him, “Trust me.” “That’s all I get?” he asked annoyedly as he flipped various switches, “Another Jedi thing I wouldn’t understand?”

“Are we really doing this right now?” I snapped, pressing a few buttons to help prep the ship.

“We wouldn’t have to if you would just tell me what’s going on,” Poe shot back, his voice raising to match mine. “It’s Ren,” Finn interrupted our fight, anxiety creeping into his tone. He bolted out of the cockpit leaving Poe and I to ourselves. “Finn, wait!” I yelled, taking off after him before he tried to intervene. I caught up to him outside of the ship, “Finn, you’ve gotta let her do th-“ My feet stopped as I spotted what Finn saw as well, Chewie was being loaded into a First order transport along with the dagger. Finn and I dropped to the rocks, crouching down and watching the scene unfold as the Wookiee pushed forward into the ship, hunched over and handcuffed. My natural instinct was to run and free him, but I knew that spelled too much potential danger for us all. And with Finn’s hand tightly gripping my arm, there was no way he’d let me go. It was one of the worst tortures I had to endure.

“We need to find a way to stop the ship,” I said quietly through my unshed tears, “If Poe could get that thing in the air…” “If we fire, the whole thing goes down,” Finn ended the idea as soon as it had been born.

I buried my face in my hands and rubbed furiously, my mind spinning with adrenaline and worry. The sounds on an approaching ship caught my attention, I rose to my feet and followed the noise across the rocks. Yards away from us stood Rey, lightsaber ignited with her back turned to the ship that undoubtably belonged to Ren. She took a running start as the craft advanced toward her and what happened next even I could hardly believe as I watched it. Rey flipped up in the air, letting her arm hang down and slicing off one of the ship’s wings. While she landed gracefully in a cloud of dust, Ren’s ship split violently until it was just the round cockpit rolling across the field of sand before exploding against one of the rocks. My breath caught as the flames engulfed what was left of his ship, I searched for any life left in the wreckage, sensing that he wasn’t dead yet. With my focus momentarily on Ren, I hadn’t noticed Finn had climbed down the rocks and was calling out for Rey.

“They got Chewie! They got him!” he pointed to the skies, I looked up to see the transport containing him had taken off.

“No,” I mumbled to myself, sticking my hand out to stop the ship using the Force. Rey had the same idea and aided me in my efforts. At that moment, a familiar cloaked figure emerged from the flaming wreckage, slowly making his way towards us. I could feel his stony, emotionless stare even with the great gap between us. Even so, I kept my focus on trying to pull the ship out of the sky. Ren extended his hand as well, creating resistance for Rey and I that only made us try harder. The three of us stood locked in our stances, throwing the ship from side to side as we battled for the life inside.

Then suddenly, the fight was over. From Rey’s outstretched hand came thick strands of lightning that wrapped around the ship. It took mere seconds until an explosion ripped the ship apart.

“Chewie!” Rey shrieked in horror. “No!” Finn cried.

I dropped to my knees in shock, watching as the wreckage floated to the ground, Chewie buried somewhere inside. One loud guttural sob escaped my lips and I clutched my stomach, crying out for the loss of another part of my family.

“Guys!” Poe’s voice broke through my grief, “We gotta go! They’re coming!”

Through my tears, I looked above to see Poe standing above me next to the ship and heard the noise of incoming fighters. I had to summon the strength to rise to my feet, my eyes drifting back to Chewie’s fiery grave one last time. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice choked with emotion. I spared a final look to Ren, who I could sense was just as shocked at what had happened as I was. I sensed something in him, the same thing I had sensed when Mom had been thrown out of the Raddus. Sorrow. I wished I could have said I cared, but all I felt towards him was anger. He had contributed to Chewie’s death.

As Rey and Finn approached, I snapped back into action and climbed the rocks, Poe helping me and pulling me up the final foot. We bolted for the ship, racing to the cockpit and taking our assigned seats. He had gotten the thing in flying shape and as soon as we had everybody on board, Poe lifted it off the ground and shot us into the sky and away from the fighters. It was only when I knew he could manage without me that I slipped out of my chair and out of the cockpit.

A distraught Rey was waiting in the hold for me, she stood as I entered, “Y/n, I’m so-“ I breezed past her and Finn, I ignored the droids, I didn’t even think to go to Poe for comfort. Instead, I locked myself in the refresher and let my tears freely fall, mourning the loss of my life long friend.

----

A/N: I promise the next chapter will have little more going on...Let me know what you thought or if you’d like to be tagged ☺️

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#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x solo!reader #poe dameron imagine #star was imagine

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aiden21 · 3 years

Text

Video Games. Spinner x gn!Reader

Word count: 3.5k+

Slow days were a common occurrence for the League. Flashy, grand missions didn’t come by easily and most of the time the bar was empty except for Kurogiri. Most members of the League had homes—or at least places where they could sleep—and so, when Shigaraki dismissed everyone, most people just up and left the place. You were not one of those people.

Having lived under a bridge before joining the team of villains, the bar was the only place you truly had. Your possessions consisted of the clothes on your back and the small bed in one of the rooms upstairs, and that was it. You were thankful, always had been, that Shigaraki had been gracious enough to give you a place to stay, but that didn’t mean you didn’t get bored all by your lonesome from time to time.

You sighed, sinking deeper into the couch. The bar was deserted, Kurogiri having left with Shigaraki to meet with some person of interest, and the silence was pressing down upon you like a weighted blanket. You stared at the door longingly, putting all your mental strength into willing someone to open the door and join you. But if the past hour after returning from the store had taught you anything, your mental powers were absolute shit, and you were doomed to spend the rest of the day by yourself.

You knew a few people had some things strewn around the place, but nothing had truly caught your eye. No one read books that you found interesting, no one was childish enough to leave a board game lying around, and you valued your life enough to know that using the small handheld PSP that belonged to Shigaraki was out of bounds. You changed the channel on the TV once more, huffing in annoyance. God, you were so bored.

You glanced over at the clock on the wall, grunting when you realized it was only 4 in the afternoon.

“Screw it, I’m taking a nap.” You finally told yourself, shutting off the TV and getting up from the couch. You weren’t tired or sleepy, not even a little, but you figured that trying to rest a little was your best option at the moment. You dragged your feet up the stairs, already wrapping your mind around the fact that today would just be a very slow day and cursing yourself for not having a phone or a laptop or something to keep you entertained. But alas, you mourned as you reached for the doorknob of your room, you had no money of your own and you knew nothing about using technology in general.

“Goddammit!”

You stopped, your hand outstretched still. The voice had come from the end of the hallway and you were sure you weren’t imagining it. Was it a voice you recognized? Oh, who cares, you told yourself. You’d take a police officer at this point. You walked all the way to the end of the hall and knocked on the door to the common room the guys sometimes hung out in, fully expecting to get no answer, since the room was usually locked when Shigaraki was out; he valued his game consoles and trusted almost no one with them. Keyword here being almost.

The muffled noise of, well, something, stopped and you heard a hesitant ‘Yes?’. You cracked open the door, narrowing your eyes at the darkness and artificial lights that met you.

There, in the dark and with a game controller in his hand, was Spinner.

“Oh. Hi.” He said awkwardly, his face illuminated only by the glow of the TV in front of him.

“Hi,” You called back, glancing around the room but finding no other forms laying on the couches and chairs that adorned the game room. “I thought I was the only one here.”

“M-me too.” Spinner admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

There was a brief silence, Spinner not unpausing his game and you not quite coming inside the room. You two had never found much common ground to really sit down and talk, even though you both, unknowingly, wished you were closer.

“So… What’cha doing?” You asked, leaning against the door frame.

“I’m… playing video games.” Why did that sound so much like a question?

“What are you playing?”

“Grand Theft Auto.” He said, the name meaning absolutely nothing to you. You blinked once and Spinner sighed in defeat, his shoulders dropping. “It’s a... crime game, I guess.”

It was no big secret that Spinner was a massive game fan, a passion he only shared with Shigaraki. They’d both attempted to, sometimes, engage the other members of the League in conversation about their games (Spinner much more often than Shigaraki) but no one really understood a word of what they were saying. Toga said they weren’t cute, Dabi said they were boring, Magne always had better things to do, and Compress couldn’t use a computer to save his life. Still, Shigaraki loved games and movies and all that jazz, and thus one of the rooms on the second floor of the bar had been deemed the ‘game room’, furnished with comfortable seats, a massive TV, and various gaming consoles that anyone could use if Shigaraki was present, even if no one ever did. No one other than Spinner, Shigaraki’s only trusted teammate that had his own key to the room.

Because yes, villains can also have hobbies, hang out, and also share their gaming stuff with their friends. Or coworkers. Or whatever the League was to one another at any given time.

You hummed, balancing back and forth on your feet. You had no idea what the game was or how it was played, having never played a video game once in your entire life, something that Spinner didn’t actually know. He just believed you found them boring. He looked almost defeated, the way he always did when he asked one of the others if they wanted to play with him before getting rejected, and you hesitated at the door.

“...Can I stay here and watch you?” You asked in a soft tone, your expression hesitant.

It would probably be like watching a foreign movie with no subtitles, but it seemed like a better idea than just locking yourself in your room and staring at the wall for hours.

Spinner blinked once, twice, a bunch of times, his eyebrows going higher and higher up his forehead with each passing second. He fumbled around in his seat, mouth opening and closing, before abruptly speaking in a high voice.

“Sure! I mean it’s a room for everyone, right? Y-you don’t need to ask me or anything. I can go if you-”

You giggled, making his eyes go even wider, “It’s fine. I’m actually kinda curious about this whole ‘video game’ thing.”

You stepped into the room. The couch was big enough for four people to sit side by side comfortably, and you sat down around the middle, a polite distance away from Spinner. He was tightly pressed against the armrest, his once crossed leg now stiffly placed in front of him. You settled down and grabbed a cushion, hugging it to your chest.

It took a few silent seconds, but Spinner eventually unpaused the game. You blinked, your eyes following the tiny man in the middle of the screen as he walked around some unknown city, a few other things popping up on the screen.

“What’s that?” You asked, pointing at one corner of the screen. Spinner followed your finger, looking both amazed and scared.

“My money and health.”

“And that?”

“The map. So I don’t get lost, know where my missions are.”

“Do you have a mission right now?”

“Not right now. It’s an open-world game and you can pretty much choose the pacing of the story and such and…” He stopped himself, surely realizing that he’d already lost you. He cleared his throat and then, slowly, “We can do whatever we want, basically.”

“Anything?”

“Yeah.”

You looked at the screen, watching as the little avatar ran along the sidewalk, people and vehicles all around him. You eventually nodded towards the screen.

“Can you steal that car?”

“Which one?” Spinner chuckled a little, raising a brow.

“That red one, the one at the traffic light.”

Spinner nodded, his eyes far more serious than the situation called for. His avatar approached the vehicle and then opened the door, promptly throwing the driver out onto the street and easily taking the car. You laughed a little as Spinner drove away, curses from the car’s owner growing fainter as he made his escape.

“You fiend,” you teased, earning a proper laugh out of the mutant. “That was way too easy, though!”

“Well, then give me a challenge.” Spinner said, giving you a glance and a small smile.

“Steal a plane.” You said confidently, but Spinner scoffed.

“You’re thinking too small.” He said, relaxing back into his seat. You realized for the first time that he had none of his usual gear on, only a pair of black jeans and a white t-shirt, his hair pulled back in a very messy ponytail. You rarely saw him like this, chill and confident and secure and you found yourself really liking the way all of those things looked on the usually shy mutant.

You spent the next hour watching as Spinner attempted (and usually succeeded) whatever idiotic, ridiculous idea you could conjure up. You had him running from one side of the map to the other, stealing some things, blowing up a few others, spawning things in places where they didn’t belong, and generally just causing absolute chaos wherever he went.

You laughed like an idiot as you watched him play, your dorky laugh making Spinner laugh in turn. You didn’t know it, but every time you had a fit of laughter, his chest would swell with happiness and so he kept the antics coming one after the other, each stunt dumber and flashier than the last.

You were honestly enamored with just how many absurd things you could get away with in the game, and so your eyes stayed mostly on the screen. You pointed and things and made up dumb scenarios for Spinner to somehow accomplish, your smile only fading when you focused on trying to understand what he was doing at any given moment. Spinner’s eyes though? He kept glancing your way, thankful that he was familiar enough with the game to be able to look at you for a second or two without dying.

He was currently driving, having just explained to you how cheat codes worked, an explanation that you listened to with rapt attention even if you didn’t get all of the things he told you. He was excited and you were giddy with laughter and the both of you were honestly having a great time together. You settled back into the comfy couch with a dumb smile on your face, a small giggle escaping your lips.

Spinner paused the game, stretching his arms in a wide arch.

“I’m gonna go get some water, you want anything?” He asked you, already getting up from the couch.

“Water is fine,” You responded, smiling appreciatively up at him. He smiled back, suddenly unable to keep eye contact. He half-ran out of the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You still had the small, soft cushion in between your arms and you started running your fingers through its fluffy, black surface. This cushion had been brought home by Toga after one of her shopping sprees with Magne. It was soft and warm and you and Toga always fought over the damned thing on the rare occasions that you two watched movies together in the game room.

After a minute you stretched like a cat, groaning and readjusting your position on the couch to be more comfortable. Unknowingly, you’d scooted closer and closer to where Spinner had been sitting, and as soon as you noticed, you blushed, thankful that he wasn’t in the room at the moment.

Suddenly very aware of your surroundings, a light sense of anxiety came over you and you grabbed the closest thing you had in an attempt to distract yourself. Sure enough, it was the game controller. It was still a little warm, something that made you blush a tad more, and you turned it in your hands to examine it.

Truly inexperienced when it came to these kinds of things, you watched the object in your hands as if it was an ancient artifact of unknown origin and purpose. The buttons were marked with symbols and there was a light shining in the middle. You gave one of the triggers a try, liking the small clicking that came from it, and then, feeling braver, you pressed one of the buttons at random.

The game immediately unpaused, the scene going right back to where Spinner had left it before he left. You cursed, eyes wide in panic, as you attempted to pause the game again. But you couldn’t manage, and you were left with no other choice‪‬󠀥 than to try and control the car in the game. It was just a game, there was no need to act as if the world was ending, but the car was in the middle of the highway and you honestly didn’t want to look as useless as you felt in front of Spinner.

You guessed, correctly, that the little nub on the left of the controller steered the car, but you weren’t able to figure out how to make the damn vehicle accelerate for the life of you. The car behind yours crashed into your car and you cursed louder, feeling like a total idiot. Then you pressed who knows what and the little man on the game got out of the car and you wanted to throw the controller at the screen. Well, you told yourself, at least you could easily figure out how to walk in the game. This wasn’t that embarrassing a scene, in all honesty. Your confidence lasted all of three seconds before you were brutally reminded that the character had gotten off the car in the middle of a concurred highway, a semi plowing into the little avatar and sending his body flying through the air and into the other side of the road.

The image on the screen slowed and desaturated, the word ‘wasted’ flashing on the screen as, in the background, your character was run over by yet another car. The text was still on the screen when Spinner walked back through the door, his eyes immediately landing on your grand failure.

“What… happened?” He asked carefully, hyper-aware of your panicked expression. He placed two glasses of water down on the coffee table but didn’t sit down just yet.

You pointed at the controller as if the thing had committed murder, your voice getting higher and louder by the word.

“I don’t know! I pressed something and the game started and I couldn’t pause it and then the little guy thought it was a great idea to walk into traffic and he died and-”

Spinner snorted. He couldn’t help it, though he did have the decency to wave his hands in front of himself apologetically when you glared at him.

“Don’t laugh at me! I’ve never played a game before!”

“You never played one of these when you were a kid?” He asked, sitting on the armrest of the couch. He, too, had noticed how much closer to his spot you had gotten and he wasn’t quite confident enough to just sit down by your side.

You paused for a moment, bitterly self-conscious despite not wanting to be. You tapped at the controller with a fingernail, suddenly much quieter than before.

“I’ve… never played a video game before. Like, ever.”

Spinner’s eyes widened a bit, but it was soon replaced by a frown at your change in mood.

“Nothing?”

“We were too poor to afford anything when I was little, and then my parents kicked me out and well… I’ve never really had the chance.” You admitted, your eyes low. You tried not to bring up much about your past with the rest of the League, in part because you were a bit ashamed and in part because you knew most of them had had way worse childhoods than you. You honestly just didn’t like complaining, not now that you had so much to be thankful for. Those things were in the past, after all, and there was no point in being sad anymore, right?

You offered Spinner the controller once more, attempting to shake off your feelings to not ruin the mood. He took the controller from your hands but he didn’t sit back down, instead walking over to the TV. He paused the game again and shut off the PlayStation. You immediately started telling him that it was okay, that you were sorry, but you shut up when he threw a different, much smaller controller at you. The screen was only dark for a few moments before a different console was turned on and Spinner took his seat by your side with only a light blush dusting the skin under his scales.

“Let’s try something we can both play, shall we?” He asked you, already pressing around at the blue controller in his hand.

“You sure? You were having fun with the other game.” You pointed out, a weird feeling growing in your chest at the thought that you’d ruined Spinner’s fun. He chuckled, swallowed, and then looked at you for the briefest of moments.

“Well, I mean, it’s a good game, but… I was having fun with you, not the game, in particular, so yeah...” The last words were said in an embarrassed mumble and the feeling in your chest fell down into your stomach, turning warm and fuzzy. You smiled widely, settling down on the couch and crossing your legs. Your knee was resting on Spinner’s leg and, while you both noticed, neither of you said anything.

“What’s this one about?”

“You’ll see.”

--------------------------------------

Shigaraki and Kurogiri warped back inside the bar, the young leader of the League of Villains wanting nothing more than to lock himself inside his room, play some games, and then fall asleep. He turned towards the stairs but was met with an… odd sight if you will. Toga and Magne were standing at the foot of the stairs, both of them giggling like little girls.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked, frowning as both women shushed him without any regard for who he was. He cursed under his breath and approached them.

“What?” He said, not as loud as before, but the answer presented itself before either woman could say anything.

From some room upstairs, he heard a clear scream of joy, followed by voices and laughter. He narrowed his eyes, glancing over at the two blushing morons at his side.

“We heard them when we got here ten minutes ago.” Toga giggled, her face more flushed than usual.

“Someone’s having a lot of fun up there~” Magne added, no attempt at hiding the implications of her words. Another high-pitched scream came from above and both women squealed.

Shigaraki moved a lot faster than he had in a while. He jumped the steps two at a time, following the loud noises of ecstasy and pointedly ignoring how Toga and Magne cursed him in your name, not quite managing to stop him. He flew down the hall like a demon out of hell, throwing open the door to the game room so hard that it bounced off the wall and left a small dent where the doorknob collided against the plaster. His red eyes were glowing with rage, his hands more than ready to turn whoever was fooling around in there into dust, but the scene that greeted him wasn’t quite the one he expected.

You were jumping on the couch, your arms raised in victory and a Switch controller in your hand. Spinner was sitting next to you, laughing carelessly and looking at you as if you were pure sunshine. On the screen, Yoshi had just won his first star in Super Mario Party.

“Did you see that!?” You asked Spinner, laughing as the mutant nodded, “I just got a star!”

“What the…” Shigaraki said, his stance deflating immediately. You turned towards him, a face-splitting grin adorning your face.

“Oh! Hi, Shigaraki! We’re playing Mario Party!” You pointed out, rather obviously. When Shigaraki didn’t react, you shyly got off the couch, assuming that he was angry at your outburst of energy. Behind him, Toga and Magne peeked into the room and started giggling like idiots.

“You wanna join? We’re almost done with this round.” You offered hopefully, plopping back in your place right next to Spinner, adding an inch of air between you two now that there were other people in the room. Likewise, Spinner removed the arm he’d had on the back of the couch, one that had been rather close to wrapping around your shoulders more than once.

“I wanna play!” Toga said cheerfully, running past Shigaraki and landing on her favorite beanbag, though not before reclaiming her cushion from your hands.

“Oh, me too! I wanna be Rosalina!” Magne said, choosing one of the reclining chairs near the back of the room, giving Toga a knowing look as they both left the couch only for you and Spinner.

“I call Princess Peach!” Toga added childishly, which made you laugh.

Shigaraki sighed like a man with no future, turned around, and promptly locked himself in his room for the remainder of the evening.

------------------------

Thanks for reading! If you liked it, consider supporting me on ko-fi. I do writing commissions and all that jazz!

#bnha x reader #bnha #boku no hero x reader #spinner #shuichi iguchi #league of villains #fanfic #drabble #x reader #just pure fluff #nice things #writing #fanfiction #spinner x reader #commission #illustrators on tumblr

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juliabohemian · 3 years

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the sky is falling

Apparently...

I have been a fan of LOKI since he first appeared on screen. I will admit that I did not seek out other fans on social media until after The Dark World. Mostly because I had a lot of other things going on in my life.

I distinctly remember being filled with hope that LOKI would appear in Age of Ultron, and being filled with hope that Ragnarok would magically resolve everything between LOKI and his family. I remember being disappointed about both. I remember having renewed hope that Infinity War or Endgame would somehow make up for those disappointments, only to be further let down by the kind of mediocre writing that is typical of blockbuster movies. That is a disappointment that many of us have shared, and even bonded over.

And I was so relieved to have a fandom where I could share my disappointment. I was happy to critically analyze what had been problematic about LOKI's story so far, even if most of it was due to poor/inconsistent writing as opposed to a conscious decision on anyone's part (minus Ragnarok, probably, but I digress). I was happy to have a place where I could write meta about problematic themes in fictional media and how they might negatively affect those who digest them.

When I found out the LOKI show was happening, I felt the same lurch in my gut that I'm sure you all felt. Will it suck? Will it just be another cash grab, using Tom Hiddleston as a lure? Even the trailers I was seeing in the months beforehand did nothing to quell my fears. The trailers were carefully edited for the sole purpose of gaining viewers for the show. Which is an almost laughable notion, since people would probably have watched it anyway. But I was still apprehensive, right up until the last minute.

Then, I watched episode one.

And I immediately realized a few things.

The first is that what we are seeing, now, is as close to 100% Tom-Hiddleston-approved as ANYTHING we have seen on screen so far.

Take a minute to let that soak in. What we are seeing is how Tom sees LOKI. It isn't the product of someone else's editing, or someone else's vision. This isn’t a product of LOKI being a side character who they simply don’t have time to develop. This is a show about LOKI.

The second thing I realized is that this show is almost like an AU story that exists separately from everything else. So, LOKI isn't going to be exactly like any other specific version we have seen before. And that's totally fine. Because he has never been in this situation before, we have no idea how he would behave under these circumstances. It is uncharted territory.

Now, I realize that not everyone in the fandom has written fiction, or knows what it's like to construct a long narrative. I can personally attest to throwing in an occasional plot device that made slightly less sense than I would like, simply to put the story where I wanted it to be. I can also attest to completely disregarding minor aspects of canon that would have rendered my story pointless or required me to write an additional 5 chapters, simply to explain them away. That is writing, folks.

What I DO know is that we have only seen episode 1. We don't know what the big picture is yet. And I can tell you that if I had written a story and planned the whole thing out and, after posting chapter 1, people had posted giant rants about how everything I'd done so far was wrong, I would be extremely concerned about the mental health of those people. And I would hope that they would stop reading my story and go find something else to do.

From a purely scientific perspective, we don’t have enough information to draw a conclusion. And yet, I have been inundated with Chicken Little posts about how the sky is falling. I am practically getting whiplash from scrambling to unfollow these people.

This show is not going to be perfect.

There are going to be things about it that you don't like.

It is totally okay not to like the show, or to simply dislike things about it. But PLEASE PLEASE acknowledge that you not liking something does not equate to it being problematic. It doesn't even equate to an objective measurement of the show's value. It just means that YOU don't like it. I feel like a lot of LOKI fans have an image in their heads of who they think LOKI is and they feel so strongly about it, that they would assert their headcanon as being more in character than whatever Tom Hiddleston might choose to do with LOKI. And frankly, that is very sad. It also means that those people will always be disappointed, because you have zero control over what Tom chooses to do with his character.

I think that after so much continued disappointment, many LOKI fans have learned to seek their dopamine reward from criticizing LOKI content, as opposed to actually enjoying it. Because, frankly, that affords them more control over the outcome. If we go into a situation assuming it will be bad, and it turns out to be bad, we get to pat ourselves on the back for our genius. If we go into it hoping that it will be good and it ends up being bad, then we have to cope with that negative feeling. And no one wants to feel disappointed over and over again.

And I’ve realized that all the time I spent ranting about what I didn’t like about the MCU has not been good for me, mentally. It is not healthy to dwell on negative things, unless that dwelling is somehow productive. And this hasn’t been productive. It hasn’t led to anything but more ranting and whining.

I am choosing to have an open mind, not because I think that everything is going to be wonderful, but because it is the most mentally healthy thing for me to do.

I am GRATEFUL to have this show.

Even if it ends up being less than awesome, I am still grateful to have a show that is all about LOKI, that gives us lots of Tom being LOKI on screen without anyone trying to steal the mic from him. I want to do my best to enjoy it. And so far, I am enjoying it.

And if, when the show is all over, I realize that it contained some genuinely problematic scenes or themes, I will explore those OBJECTIVELY. I will analyze them CRITICALLY.

But we're NOT there yet.

#loki show #juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian #loki positivity #loki

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dumpsiteforfics · 3 years

Text

Yearning - Excerpts From a lonely heart : [ Chapter 4]

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Spencer Reid

Rating: Mature

Genre: Angst and fluff

Summary: In a world where Omegas are rare and treasured, Spencer starts to have feelings for his married boss and pack Alpha, Aaron Hotchner! This is a story of Spencer Reid and Aaron Hotchner who are true mates, but probably met eachother at wrong time. Join me on a journey to find out whether the pining ever ends (it does, I know)

Trigger warnings: mentions of death, suicide, A/B/O, Drugs, Kidnapping, spoilers to criminal minds season 1 to season 6. Also, will include mpreg, at the end.

This is my a/b/o universe for Heid. As the name suggests, lots of yearning and angst followed by a fluff and smut eventually. First chapter might be slower but things will pick up soon. I don’t want to make the story longer, but we will see!!

Also, please check trigger warnings and also let me know if you would like me to add more warnings!

English is my third language so expect grammatical mistakes and typos, I don’t have a beta sorry. Also I hope you will give it some love!! I’m looking forward to the feedback.

AO3 links : Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

More about this au: Click here

Chapter summary: Reid struggles with his feelings and Gideon decides to not address some issues which should've been addressed. On the other hand, Haley makes an appearance as Hotch goes back home to his family.

After they took Reid to hospital, everyone except Gideon was allowed inside the ward. The ward was on lockdown as that was the process for admitting any Omega and since Reid's Alpha wasn't known yet, Gideon was the only one allowed as he was the medical proxy. Hotch hadn't liked being kept out of the loop but he knew it was a law and the rules were in place for protection of Omega, so kept quiet and waited for Gideon to come back with an update.

When Gideon came back with information, he explained how the injuries aren't going to leave any lasting effect but he was certainly beaten up alot causing terrible physical as well as mental damage. He said Reid was going to be kept under observation for at least two days to ensure he is healing up without any issues and doctor's have recommended sessions with a psychologist to ensure his mental health.

Hotch really wanted to meet Reid, to confirm once again that he was indeed alive and well, but he controlled his instincts. Reid needed space, after the emotional rollercoaster he had been through the past two days, he needed to be away from his conflicting emotions and his overbearing protective urges. Hotch trusted Gideon to take the right decision for Reid's health and as he anyways won't be allowed inside to see Reid today, he decided to just finish up all the chaos that he has to clear up due to the turnout of this case. He gathered the team, telling Gideon once again to reach out if anything is wrong or if Reid needs anything and then they all left for the police station, wanting to close up everything about the case so they can take Reid home as soon as he is discharged.

***†***

Reid felt it was a blessing in disguise that Gideon wasn't an alpha. That's probably the reason his bag was still in Gideon's car and he wasn't questioned throughout the ride about the smell of drugs. Before getting out of the car, Spencer had used his sleigh of hand to slip those vials into the little scent-blocking pouch he carried which held all the scents he wanted for any emergency purpose inside. The pouch and some small scent-blocking bags were a blessing for omegas who wanted to keep the scents that made them comfortable with them without overwhelming others. His pouch held his mother's handkerchief, Ethan's earring and one little bottle of scandle wood scent. And now those vials made their way inside. He knew it was horrible, it was pathetic and it was disgusting, but he was desperate to make sure no one gets their hands on it, he would probably throw them out later, but right now he just needed to know they were there!!

He knew doctors told Gideon about him having traces of dilaudid in his blood and he was waiting for the confrontation. He was waiting for Gideon to storm in and ask him about why he had those vials with him. But when Gideon did come in, his eyes were empty of any emotions. Reid was unable to even gauge how he was feeling because his instincts have been overused and tired. He just listened as Gideon told him that doctors wanted to keep him under observation to make sure he doesn't go through the withdrawal alone without any medical supervision. Reid felt his eyes welling up with tears and he wanted to admit everything to Gideon but Gideon just wiped those tears for him and said, " I know it's difficult, I know you are conflicted by something, but nothing is accidental. You'll get through it, we all do!"

And Reid felt pathetic. How can Gideon be so empathetic when it came to other victims but now he was saying things that didn't make sense? Was this supposed to make him feel better? Because all he was feeling after listening to it was that he was weak for letting his trauma get him to make bad decisions. He felt Gideon was just trying to brush off his responsibilities and wanted Reid to decide everything on his own. And he didn't like it at all. He wanted guidance, he wanted support, he wanted acknowledgement of his suffering, he wanted understanding but he now knew how pathetic he was for even wishing that. He was all alone through it after all!!

He spent the next two days in hospital waiting to go home. The team had come to visit him after closing the case, and he was expecting them to ask him about his trauma, he wanted them to try to understand what he was going through, but he could see how haunted they still looked after everything that had happened. He could sense the dread of those memories in their minds. So he decided he wouldn't ask anyone for anything more. It was his journey, and he will walk alone. He had troubled them enough anyways.

All through this he had observed how their pack Alpha was too quiet. He was always somewhere close to Reid, never letting him be physically alone, but he never talked. His dark eyes were just observing him, trying to find out what was wrong, but Reid didn't want to think about it anymore. Before this case, he would've enjoyed being the focus of that dark gaze, but now he just felt judged, analysed and he doubled up his efforts in making sure to close off his every instinct so Hotch wouldn't realise what was wrong. He needed to let go of those pathetic feelings he felt for Hotch!

***†***

The night they come back home, Aaron waits long enough to strip off his weapons and take a quick bath before pulling Haley close in his lap and burying his face in her neck. He tightened his arms around her, finally letting the control over his feelings slip. Haley's fingers slowly caressed the back of his neck before moving up in his hair, scratching his scalp the way she knew always made him feel better. He relaxed slowly in her comforting embrace. She was his safe haven, she was always there, waiting for him and giving out comfort without asking questions. He knew as a unit chief his workload had increased and there were times when that made her lash out, but it was because she was all alone to take care of their newborn while he was out saving the world. She deserved better, she deserved a partner that gave her time, that made sure to pamper her, that supported her and Aaron couldn't be that. But no matter how much they fought, she somehow knew when he needed comfort and would never fight when such a moment came, just like tonight.

She slowly made them lay down on bed, Jack already asleep in his room. She laid down and instead of snuggling into Aaron's body, she pulled him close so he could be in her arms instead. He laid his head on her chest, listening to her heartbeats, as a beta she didn't have a distinct smell but her cherry perfume always made him feel like he was home. And as they laid there, tangled together, she slowly asked him what had happened.

He didn't want to say anything, mostly because he always avoided sharing the gory details with her, she didn't need to know what shitty situations he had to go through every day. But this time, it was too close, this time his agent was kidnapped and beaten and taken away from the pack. And so he decides to let it all out. Haley just quietly listens as he pours out his feelings, as he recounted everything he felt from the moment he realised Reid was kidnapped. He told her how scared he was to lose the agent that had unknowingly become his friend, someone he relied upon to break through any case, someone who made their team complete, someone who had become so much more than just Elle's replacement in such a short time.

Once Aaron was done purging his feelings, Haley simply asked about how Reid was doing now. She asked if she needed to visit him as the team would get back to work while he would be on forced vacation. And Aaron felt so grateful once again for her support. He told her he will check with Reid and tell her if it's needed, maybe having Jack around will help him a bit. He knew that Reid adored the few glimpses of Jack he could get whenever Haley visited the beauro.

He kissed her lips, trying to show her how much better she always made him feel. She was his everything, from the moment he laid eyes on her, she was the only one who regarded him with nothing but love, even in the moments she should hate him. Aaron never had a great childhood, the constant abuse has made him bitter, angry and then Haley came into his life. She was the reason he didn't turn out to be like his dad. She reminded him that he can be loved, he deserves kindness and although during the initial stages of their friendship he lashed out on her too many times to count, but slowly her kindness and her love won him over. She gave him a reason to look forward to the coming day, she made him feel loved and she taught him how to love her in turn. And now after all these years, she was still here, loving him despite his flaws and shortcomings. He couldn't help but to think if Reid had anyone by his side now, or was he alone. He hoped that he would have someone, he deserved it. He knew he still needed to analyse the flicker of something that he had felt back then when he held Reid in his arms, but right now all he wanted was to be vulnerable in the arms of the only person he had ever loved.

***†***

Taglist: @ssa-sarahsunshine @brillianthijinx @thaddeusly Please let me know if you'd like to be added/removed from this! ❤️❤️

I already had this chapter written and as I had taken a day off I thought of uploading it! Next chapters will take some time! ❤️❤️

#heid #hotchreid #hotch×reid #tw: a/b/o #tw: kidnapping #tw: mention of death #tw: mentions of violence #tw: drugs #tw: mention of abuse #ray's fics

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bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture · 3 years

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Sorry for the radio silence, had to take a bit of time off to finish coursework and stuff. I would like to get through this arc sooner rather than later, so here’s to hoping nothing else keeps me away.

(Also, just recently read someone’s twitter thread going through the same early content as I did, only with the original japanese printed manga, and I continue to be frustrated at my lack of knowledge of japanese language / culture that keeps me from accessing the root material. VIZ translation is just… not the same. orz)

[No. 19 - All Might]

We start out with an overhead view of All Might being held and the nomu being frozen in place under him (and halfway through the portal itself.) All Might comments on it being frosty, and concludes without looking that the source of said frost must be Todoroki - who is in fact nearby, with the ice trailing along the ground starting from under his right foot.

All Might mentally admires the precise control, and how Todoroki just managed to avoid freezing All Might along with the nomu, and how thanks to that, the nomu’s grip is loosened. While he’s thinking that, All Might yanks himself out of the nomu’s grip and away, his side still trailing a bit of blood.

(Actually, I wonder if this was the moment that All Might was thinking back on when he approached Endeavor during the sports festival to try and get tips for teaching the next generation. After all, Izuku’s main issue at this point in the story is his lack of control over a strong quirk, and All Might isn’t aware of the Todoroki Family Drama™ just yet.)

The next page is a double spread that’s basically a showdown between the hero side and villain side.

I find it interesting that the two ‘leaders’ of the situation are on the opposite page of the spread from their helpers / minions, as well as how Shigaraki is on the opposite page from the heroes. When looking at it in a book proper (and not a scan on a webpage), this would give an even stronger sense of the divide between the sides in more than one way. The whole division between heroes and villains is also highlighted with the hero side all being on top - showing how the advantage has swung their way - while the bottom shows the villains who are all in bad positions now.

Oh man, you can also see the little teeny hero students watching from the top of the stairs - with just enough detail that you can tell the one in the front is supposed to be Ochako!

On the very left side of the spread, we see Shigaraki comment on how the villains’ way out is pinned down, and considers it a problem. Not a huge one, mind you, since he’s not really reacting much.

Katsuki straightens his arm out as he starts mocking the villains for slipping up, and how it was just like he thought - the parts that Kurogiri can turn foggy in the warp gate are limited, and he uses the mist to hide his real body. We get a brief flashback to a few chapters ago, when Katsuki first attacked Kurogiri and the villain commented that ‘that was a close one,’ before present Katsuki continues to explain his observations - if Kurogiri’s whole body was mist and physical attacks, then Kurogiri would never have said something like that.

Friendly reminder that this is not the last time we’re going to see that Katsuki’s just as much a quirk nerd as Izuku is. Probably saw Izuku’s skill at it as a challenge to overcome or something.

Kurogiri groans and turns his head to stare at Katsuki. Katsuki tells him not to move, and that if he decides the villain is doing anything fishy, he’ll blow him straight to kingdom come.

Kirishima has about the right of it. That slasher smile, though, jesus kid, relax.

Shigaraki comments on how not only have the heroes beaten the level, they’re all at full health. Today’s kids are really something - the league of villains should be ashamed! I feel like this is sort of pseudo-thoughtful and pseudo-mocking. Which I mean is basically all of his speech patterns as far as I can tell, so. Anyways, he turns to the nomu and tells it to take out ‘the explosive brat,’ since they need their escape route back.

Shouto is shocked, and it’s not hard to tell why, as the nomu literally pulls itself out of the portal, losing most of its frozen right side as the deep-frozen bits literally crack and crumble away.

...and I just realized that if Shouto had done that to a normal human, that person would likely be dead from intense frostbite from how cold he had to make that ice to literally freeze the limbs deeply enough for them to crumble like that. Or maybe the nomu was designed to reject damaged material and regenerate, and so the damage was only just enough to hinder and not kill? Either way, Shouto is fucking intense, man. Like, jesus kid, calm down a bit.

Izuku comments on how the nomu’s body is falling apart, but still moving. All Might has his arm out as he warns everyone back, before directing a comment to the villains that he thought the nomu’s quirk was shock absorption. As we see the nomu’s right side bulge and warp horrifically, Shigaraki states that he doesn’t remember saying that’s all the nomu can do, and that this (referring to the bulging new muscle and skin forming) is hyper-regeneration. He then states that the nomu is a super-powered living sandbag designed to withstand everything All Might has got, while the nomu charges in with its newly reformed limbs.

And so we get to another pretty awesome double spread:

(I had to pull this from a fan translation site because the site I generally use had this split up into two pages, which was a mess to look at and parse. The dialogue is basically the same though, besides Katsuki calling Izuku an idiot. In the VIZ translation, he just tells Izuku to shut up.)

But yeah, you can see the force of the nomu’s retaliatory punch in how it literally sends All Might flying back and the excess causing a brief windstorm. Truly designed to be All Might’s equal, that. Also, I suppose this is one scene where it’s hard to really convey how fast everything was happening in a manga format - like here, it seems like the nomu was just slow enough that Katsuki was starting to react, but with how fast the nomu and All Might are supposed to be here, I feel like he shouldn’t have had that time? I mean, I know this is just him finishing the reaction to Shigaraki’s words and not the nomu’s movement, but still.

Interesting as well to see how Izuku somehow first assumed Katsuki was fast enough to dodge the nomu, instead of assuming All Might did something the way he did when he was saving Izuku and the others from Shigaraki and the nomu. Izuku’s brain really is just in ‘kacchan sugoi’ mode at almost all times.

We next see the smoke from the damage of the attack clear enough to see All Might at the end, his feet having dug grooves in the ground in order to slow himself down before he hit a wall. His arms are braced for defense, and show the scrapes that he ended up taking from the force of the blow. He coughs up a bit more blood as he comments on how the nomu doesn’t know how to hold back.

Meanwhile, Shigaraki notes that All Might took the hit for the kid. Out loud, he replies ‘anything to save a comrade, right?’ He then points to Izuku and notes how it’s like earlier, when ‘the plain one’ came at him with everything he had. But violence in the name of saving others is admirable, isn’t it?

Shigaraki throws out his hands as he states how that pisses him off. Heroes and villains both thrive on violence, but one is considered good and the other evil. He mocked All Might’s ‘symbol of peace’ title, stating that the hero is just a tool for violence to keep ‘us’ down. (Dunno whether he is referring to villains or just people in general.) He then says that violence only breeds more violence, and he’ll show the world that by killing him.

All Might calls it a load of hooey (I bet he wanted to say bullshit, but was mindful of the kids being there), stating that idealistic criminals have a different sort of fire in their eyes. Shigaraki? He’s just enjoying himself.

Shigaraki doesn’t disagree.

(Man, I continue to be impressed with how well Hori is able to convey emotion just through the eyes. He really does seem gleeful at the situation.)

Anyways, I’m gonna call it here, even if there’s not really a ‘break’ in the action. See y’all next time for (heavy spoilers) All Might kicking the nomu’s ass.

#chapter 19 #USJ Arc #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #readthrough #yagi toshinori #shigaraki tomura #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #nomu #todoroki shouto #I would note that the spoilers thing is a joke #also the start of the ongoing trend of BNHA villains actually having a kernel of a legitimate point #except they're also extremists and murderers so like maybe they need chill pills #like yeah yeah down with the government #but have you all possibly considered therapy #or at leasy yoga or something

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captlok · 3 years

Text

Pacifism Isn’t A Character Trait

Or: MLK Day is Upon Us so Let Me Do You a Learn

Or: As An Aang Stan I Got a Bit Over-Zealous But Lemme Explain Why For A Hot Minute

Plus some History and Tumblr commentary that even non-ATLA fans can chew on

And by ‘hot minute’ I do mean this is going to be a long meta, so strap in. For those of you who just might be tuning into this debacle, I, a person who has not used Tumblr, much at all, except for the last half year, ran into some trouble.

If you wanna skip the whole TLDNR interpersonal stuffs and get straight to Why Aang is the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread, I will embolden the relevant parts, and italicize the crit of Korra, if you want that alongside.

I was excited that ATLA was seeing a resurgence due to the Netflix remake. I wasn’t even trying to apply any steep expectations for it. (learned not to do that the hard way with the last live action adaption, and to a much lesser extent, ATLOK, since it had good . . . elements, *ba dum tsshh*)

So, these are a couple aspects of the issue: (1) Even on the internet, I am extremely introverted and until recently mostly came for content, not socializing. My main online interactions thus far have been in forums and artist-to-artist on DA. Tumblr is still very strange to me because it splits up its ‘threads’ so you can’t see all the replies if a certain pattern of users responds in their own space. I’m not even 100% sure it’s in chronological order, and replies are not nested next to each other so you can look in the comments and someone will be replying to something you can’t see in that window. And also since it is a bizarre hybrid of a blogging system, posts are somehow considered ‘owned by’ or an ‘extension of’ OP in a way forum threads are not. (2) ATLOK was good in a cinematic and musical way, to be sure. It also had some good concepts. I can go into it just appreciating it for the worldbuilding and be somewhat satisfied. But the execution was terrible. I was on AvatarSpirit.Net for years, and If I had maintained my presence on ASN to current day and had gotten around to downloading their archive now that the forum is dead, I would include some links to other peoples’ detailed analyses on just how flawed both the plotting and Korra’s frustratingly flat learning curve was especially in the first two seasons. But, that is a task for another day, and only if people are interested.

No, what I’m addressing today, on the issue of Korra as a writing exercise, is how Mike and Bryan said specifically they wanted to make her ‘as opposite to Aang as possible’ and in so doing, muddied the central theme of the original ATLA series.

Now, again, I was mainly an art consumer for my first major round of ATLA fandom. Tumblr is an alien beast to me. But, after I write my first major Aang meta, talking about how amazing it is that he has the attitude he does, and how being content in the face of this overwhelming pain and suffering is an ONGOING PROCESS and an INTENTIONAL DECISION and not a simple PERSONALITY TRAIT, I start hearing that Aang gets a lot of hate from the fandom. Now this would be bad enough if it were merely people not liking his crowning moment of pacifism because they don’t understand the potential utility (I’ll elaborate on that in another post) or the ethics involved.

Aang is easily the most adult member of the Gaang. But he apparently gets hate for his few moments where he actually acts his age, a preteen, and maybe kisses a girl in a historical timeframe in which ‘consent’ discussions were probably nonexistent. Even in the present day, we are still practically drowned in movies that reinforce this kissing without asking trope. And even some female bodied people complain that asking kills the mood! But somehow he is responsible and reprehensible for this, even though the first time she kissed him back. I’m only going to get into the pacifism discussion today, but that was just another layer of annoyance bouncing around in the back of my head. Other peoples’ crit of Korra that was stewing in my subconscious, plus this Aang bashing, which thankfully I had not directly read much of, made up the backdrop of gasoline for the match that set it off. Even that seems a pretty melodramatic way to phrase what I actually said, which was: Aang, on the other hand, lost dozens of father figures and was being steamrolled by Ozai who was gloating about genocide TO HIS FACE, yet he still reigned in all that quote, ‘unbelievable rage and pain’ (The Southern Raiders). We Stan Aang, the Superior Avatar. No I did not f**king stutter. #AangSupremacy In another meta, someone complained that I was too defensive of Aang as a character and didn’t apply literary analysis enough, which I quickly rectified.

What set this off? Someone was kind of indirectly praising the line from Korra, “When I get out of here, none of you will survive” To them it was emotionally resonant or whatever, and I have to point out that no, it was a martial artist not having control of their state of mind, as is the bedrock of the practice. It was never addressed by the narrative, which is a severe oversight. I had a conversation with someone in the chats, making this distinction between Korra’s character traits and life philosophy. If she were to kill people while enraged and she was fine with that, that’s one thing. But if she regretted it, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. People argue that she comes from a warrior culture, unlike Aang.

Never mind that warrior monks are a thing. That’s what Shaolin monks are. You can be a pacifist and skilled at fighting. Those things are not mutually exclusive, which is the whole point of Bagua, Aang’s style. And also, Katara’s style.

That’s one reason I like Kataang so much- their congruent styles. Both of their real world martial arts are dedicated to pacifism, even though ATLA specifically doesn’t spell that out for Katara and her learning arc.

There was a meta where someone briefly tried to argue that knowing “martial arts” is against pacifism. No. Quite the opposite. I’d argue that you are not a true pacifist unless you know exactly how to handle yourself if someone attacks you. If you are not in a position to make conscious decisions about how much force to use, rather than merely operating on survival instincts, that is not pacifism. Or at least, not any energy or effort towards pacifism as a practical everyday tool. I’ve made a few attempts to learn some tai chi and aikido, and it’s improved my physical and mental health, but some other things have gotten in the way. #lifegoals

I’m not going to tag the unfortunate soul whom I was replying to, because they’re probably tired of all this, but I’ll be sending them a PM to say that I’ve made this into a different post, because as I mentioned before, threads are somehow considered “owned” by OP, so it’s been pointed out to me that I should separate it. I also said, I have basically ZERO respect for Korra uttering violent threats when the writers already minted a far more emotionally devastated and yet still resilient and centered character earlier in their franchise. People always try to excuse away people who genuinely like Aang more. As if it’s just nostalgia or whatever. For me, no, it’s absolutely not. It is respect for a character who stands toe to toe with real people who are kind in the face of overwhelming injustice. (I have another meta on that).

Both OP and people in the chats try to make excuses that she wasn’t raised as a pacifist, and that would be fine if they had addressed it with Tenzin and she had stated outright that she was rejecting pacifism and mind training. As it is, we are left with this nebulous affair where the lines between ideology and personality traits are blurred.

We are told she “has trouble with spirituality” but what does that even mean? Does she have trouble with focus? Does she have trouble relating to the canonically real spirits? And pacifism specifically nor inner peace that it flows from is never even talked about as an extension of spirituality, which is canonically tied to airbending.

“Aang didn't have to deal once with the loss of his autonomy in atla” OP claims.

This was after I had noted that Aang was getting kicked around by Ozai and was most likely going to die. Similarly, someone in the chat rejected the idea that a 12 year old trapped in a stone sphere that is heating up under a cyclone-sized blowtorch feels powerless.

Sorry but that’s flat out ridiculous.

No one wants to admit that both of these people were faced with similar situations, and when push came to shove, one showed his LIFE PHILOSOPHY through conscious effort, and the other was abandoning the basis of martial arts, which is, no matter what the situation, keep thinking. Hold the panic at bay. Non-attachment would have served her well in this situation. Tenzin should have told her this. Before, or afterwards. It should have been addressed in the writing.

People see this as “bashing” Korra, and oh well, can’t help that. If I think the writers didn’t follow through on their themes, that is my concern. OP said I was “offended.” No, not really.

I wasn’t offended by the post itself, or its commentary. Thought I made that pretty clear.

This is not dramatics. Let me be blunt.

As a ideological pacifist, and an actual practitioner of meditation, based on Buddhism, NOT just the fan of some show, I am for calling out writers who write one way from the survivor of genocide, and then stray from that ‘thoughtless aggression is immoral no matter HOW hurt I am’ to ‘let’s not address this character’s aggression in the narrative whatsoever.’ OP attempted to derail by accusing me of being racist or sexist against Korra. Also ridiculous. It honestly should have set me off more, but it didn’t.

Meditation is about reigning in your emotions. Managing your anger when it gets out of hand, and digging down to the roots of it. Being responsible for your own behavoir. Acknowledging ownership of your own actions. Not blaming anything YOU DO on anyone else or any circumstances in your life. Like an adult, or should I say, an enlightened adult.

Or at the very least, that is the ideal ypu strive towards while being imperfect in the present.

. . .

Now.

I’m going to quote a passage in a Google Doc of mine, even though I’d really prefer if you asked to read the whole thing, with context.

“What do humans do when it is necessary to, or greed makes a nation want to recruit?

They go to the army to get trained, right?

Granted, having someone scream and get spittle on your face is, in the grand scheme of things, poor preparation for having bullets whiz past your chest and grenades shatter your ears. And, what do you do to prepare you for the pain of getting your leg blown off? Hopefully, nothing. Like taking a test where you only got half the study guide. But, it’s about the most ethical way to go about it, right?

Not everyone even sees action. So any more more extensive mental preparation for physical pain than that, and you’d have people definitely protesting.

Well, as it turns out, pacifistic protestors themselves, if they were in the right time and place, also very intentionally do this type of mind training. Except, when they did it, they actually did sit still and took turns roughly grabbing each other and throwing each other down and in some cases, even kicking and bruising each other.

Turns out, those pacifists are, in some ways, more hardcore than the army.

Why is this?

Because a pacifist’s aim, unlike a unit, who wants to gain the upper hand in a situation, is to grit their teeth and grind their way through all those survival instincts, and totally submit.

In this, they aim to get the sympathy of the public, who clearly sees they are not aggressive, or a danger, no matter how much the footage is manipulated or suppressed.

In this, they hope to appeal to their attacker’s better nature.

Make them stop and think, wait a second, are these people a threat like we’re told they are? I’m attacking someone who’s letting me beat them up. Or a bunch of people. All forming a line, and letting us peel them off. Or sitting, and bowing their heads. If I’m on the ‘right’ side of things, the law, why am I doing this?

It’s not like a bully, who’s just a kid.” They’re more self-aware.

And might I add the situation influences a pacifist’s actions too. There’s no reason to let a single or a few random attackers beat you up if you can evade or disable without permanent damage.

Pacifism is a dynamic set of responsive actions informed by values. Not a proscribed set or a checklist.

But in terms of organizing against state power, and recording wrongdoing, which unlike during the Civil Rights can happen from all angles from smart phones nowadays, these are the motivations.

“So, the pacifist knows this, and that’s why they go through all that trouble of training themselves to, not only submit, but not turn tail and run, either.”

See, a character trait is something like being a morning person, or ways of handing information, or a given set of emotions a character feels. Once you cross over into actions, you must make the distinction of whether an impulsive character agrees with their own uncontrolled actions, or is embarrassed or remorseful. Those are life philosophy. Now sure, one type of person or character may be more likely to subscribe to pacifism, but there is no gatekeeping on what you have to feel or how you look at things. You can be easygoing, or feel all the rage in the world, but as long as you at least attempt to have a handle on those desires and feelings to where they do not cross into actions, you are still doing the work of metacognition, which is what martial arts and its accompanying mind training are for.

It’s what we see Aang do.

He’s informed us, during the Southern Raiders, on how much rage and pain he feels.

Pain points, TRIGGERS, that were directly struck at when Ozai gloated over him.

He joins with all the past Avatars for several moments, and just like every other time he is in the Avatar State, he is enraged. He wants to exact revenge on the unrepentant grandson of a baby murderer.

We see it when he turns his head away, face still screwed up in anger.

For another example, I could cite my difficulties in being aware and reining in my tongue sometimes. I know the roots of these issues and I seek to let them go.

It’s just that process takes way longer than Guru Pathik would have us assume.

In fact, I would even say that Aang’s portrayal throughout the three seasons is not strictly a realistic representation of at least the sad side of grief. I addressed that a little when I talked about real life figures. But what it IS, is a metaphor that cuts very deep to the heart of pacifism. As I showed in that Doc . . . There is no limit of suffering a pacifist is willing to go through, internal or external, for the preservation of peace.

This was demonstrated during the Civil Rights, and with Gandhi and all his followers beforehand, inspiring them. The pacifists’ method of swaying hearts is probably the reason BLM exists in such numbers as it does today. Will the types of narratives that correspond with their full stories of the way they collectively planned and trained for and approached conflict make it into fantasy media? I’d say, probably not. For a host of reasons.

It could be hoped for, I guess.

But we DO have Aang.

As for myself, whether speaking sharply is an “action,” per se is up for debate- certainly it doesn’t seem to violate the non-aggression principle put forth by the vision of a “stateless society.”

For another example, let’s take my explanation at the beginning. I am examining how circumstances affected my actions, and now am attempting to fix it, if indeed it needs to be fixed.

At least one person said that it not so much what I said, but how and when I said it. I don’t actually think I’ve said anything “wrong” per se. So I have to figure it out.

[I’m considering splitting up this next part into a second post, as it only slightly relates to pacifism itself and is just kinda some more commentary on Tumblr itself- Tumblr discourse, as it were]

[I’ll put more brackets when I’m done in case you want to skip this part as well]

An interesting social difference between Tumblr and other places is this command you often get, “don’t chat/reblog/message me back.”

This is interesting for several reasons. For chats and reblogs, other people may be following the “conversation,” so it’s actually pretty rude and presumptuous to tell a person not to respond to whatever you said, because other people watching still may be interested in your take.

In a forum setting, if someone involved in a conversation doesn’t have anything left to say, usually they just don’t respond.

This method would work perfectly fine for Tumblr, but for some reason, maybe its super odd format, probably due to the “ownership”/“extension of self” I mentioned at the beginning of the essay, people don’t tend to do this.

Now, in comment sections, sometimes you’ll run across an amusing sort of “mutually assured destruction” where two people both say this to each other. You’d better stop responding. Omg just give up. Why are you still arguing. Etc.

But see, no matter where this behavoir pops up, and no matter who starts in on it, those who do this usually want to have the last say on the matter.

Instead of merely not replying, they want to assert verbal control over the conversation.

Tumblr, in its weirdness, is also sort of like a mutant comments section. You can post comment section threads as your own post.

Which is one reason why I’m puzzled when people say ‘don’t read the comment sections’ when Tumblr is so popular.

I’m an oddball in that I browse comment sections for fun.

Probably due to alexithymia, I didn’t really comprehend the emotional toll it takes on many people, so the warnings to “stay out of comment sections” read to me like “hey don’t eat that dessert.” After I’m done with the ‘meal’ of an article or art, I like to see what lots of different people have to say about it. The fluff. Anything vitriolic I either blip over, or extract anything useful, or if I judge the person is reasonable enough, I might engage.

Sometimes I mis-judge on how reasonable someone is, and I shrug and move on after being cussed out or whatever.

In this, I suppose I succeed much of the time in being a verbal pacifist.

[But let’s get back to the more serious stuff.]

We’re talking about what is done in life or death situations, here.

For myself, I may in the near future be working more with dangerously mentally ill people. I’ve had a little exposure to it through various means. Nurses are obligated not to retaliate against patients, and those who have, have been fired in some situations. Again oddly, this is not primarily what triggers my anxiety. Unfortunately enough, this requirement has also resulted in nurses getting seriously injured and violated. I hope to influence whether “no harm” techniques such as tai chi and aikido and arm locks may be allowed. The voluntary philosophy I was luckily already on board with is enforced by bureauacracy, directly relevant to my potential profession.

Were someone to get involved in a dangerous profession, such as a police officer, their moral duty would also be to own up to any spur of the moment anger or fear they acted on.

It’s just that their bureaucracy acts differently, in excusing their actions.

Ideally, they would be taking steps far in advance, to avoid this often-cited fear of death reaction. As training pacifists like Aang do.

And yes, army people are trained differently than police officers because the army, often, even when threatened, is supposed to avoid engagement or deploy deterrents that are non-lethal almost all costs, unless ordered otherwise. Whereas American police are given pretty much complete discretion and often not taught de-escalation techniques. Even police from other nations are better trained in that regard.

Enter the ironically named @avatarfandompolice whose account description should really speak for itself. Combative, dismissive, and their attention-hungry bread and butter is to find people they think it’s acceptable to ridicule. They basically tried to say trauma was a valid excuse to take out your anger on other people, and in this situation, potentially kill.

Now, does this hold up in the real world? Yeah, sometimes. Especially if some law breaker or law keeper has not been given the anger management tools, they perhaps could be excused, or better yet, rehabilitated.

But especially if anyone finds themselves in dangerous situations, or intends to put themselves in such, it falls to them to do this preparation.

As an aphant, I am at a bit of a disadvantage, compared to an average martial artist, being unable to visualize an attacker. But I still attempt it.

As the main “police officer” of the world- the coincidentally blue clad figurehead that is supposed to keep order, it is apparently fine for Korra to not do the work Aang did to keep level. To blow it off as too much trouble: clearing the First Chakra of fear. For herself or others. And its resultant anger. Had she had access to the Avatar State, the authority figure pretty much would have killed people. This is what the “fandom police” and a certain chat goer ultimately support. Maybe they didn’t understand it that way, and since the second had blocked me, they will also never see this explanation. Unless I were to share it in Google Doc form I suppose.

So, I responded. “Remember kids, you are not responsible for your own behavior if you have the excuse that someone else did something bad to you.” A frighteningly common sentiment on this site.

When it’s low stakes like CAPSLOCKING or internet fights, that’s not such a big deal. But what happens if this attitude leaks into the real world? This isn’t even about Korra or Aang anymore, it’s about toxic mindsets. I didn’t know fans taking pro-Korra posts as anti-Aang was a common in the fandom. I’ll say again I’ve only just gotten really active on Tumblr like the past few months. This is about pacifism itself. MLK and his hardworking, training followers (yes some of them sixteen and POC and not super-powered like Korra) facing down firehoses and staging sit-ins long trained for would shake their heads at this defense of reactionism.

Pacifism is not a Personality Trait.

It is deliberate actions and preparation taken over a period of time.

Then the “fandom police” tried more of this, and these two conversations ensued, the comments with another user resulting in the title and main thesis of this essay:

https://captlok.tumblr.com/post/638777472806273024/avatarfandompolice-response-to-my-independent

https://captlok.tumblr.com/post/638806142933467136/the-plight-was-not-what-i-was-getting-at-it-was

#atla #lok #atlok #atla meta #pacifism #martin luther king #civil rights era #history #blm #mlk #mlkday2021

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writseo · 4 years

Text

Messed Up | Pansy Parkinson X Reader

Messed Up By Chloe Adams & Once Monsters

Trigger Warnings: Abusive Relationships

I know my heads not right.

You were met with confusion as you somehow always found yourself wanting to be near Pansy. You switched all of your routes just to be able to pass by her, even if it was for one second. She never tried to pick on you, but you were sure that she knew who you were. In fact, you would always find her staring at you in the middle of class. And despite how she went against every single belief you had, you couldn’t help but feel nothing but admiration for her when would start to boss everyone around to fit her needs.

I think too much overnight.

The confusion began to grow when you couldn’t find yourself not thinking about her as the night grew darker. You’d be wake past 2 AM but never past 4. Pansy would appear in your dreams but when you woke up, you would feel disappointed that nothing was true. That she didn’t actually speak to you nor did she hug you tightly as it was all just in your head. You would hardly get any sleep as days would pass by. Soon after, you were convinced that she deliberately put herself in your head. After the first night, Pansy began to smile at you as you passed down the halls, leaving you confused and even a bit scared. Pansy was an A-grade student. If anyone knew how to go inside someone else’s dreams, it might as well be her.

But in you, I see a light, let’s be more than strangers.

As your friends would complain for how often Pansy would pick on them while calling her horrid names, you found yourself growing more irritated. Of course, they were worried. Is she under a spell? Did Pansy hurt you? Thoughts would rummage through their minds as they tried to piece together why you suddenly had a change of heart towards the girl. However, your closest friend had a thought that was the most accurate to the truth but of course, they pushed it away. Does she actually like Pansy?

But in every action she took, you saw a reason. When she spat back at a second year after they would try to ask her politely to move out of the way, you saw the need for control. After every push she gave to Hermione, you saw jealousy. After every chase she gave for Draco, you saw the need for acceptance. But after every glance and smile she would give you down the halls, you couldn’t quite make out what her reason for that would be.

It wasn’t until you were paired for Potions that you two would actually talk for the first time. Terrified that you were going to screw up and get a bad grade, you were shocked to see her act differently towards you. You felt special as you watched her make her contributions while giving small talk, when you have observed her slacking off with her friends and ordering her partner to just do the work for her so many times. She treated you differently and you loved that.

You say you’re scared, I’ll take you there

As time went on, she grew more inviting to you in the hallways. You were scared, shy at first to speak to her. Draco and Blaise would be around, snickering at your stutter but Pansy would quickly snap at them to shut it down. You could say that you were scared because of her bossy, sassy attitude. But deep down, you knew that the fear was from something more. Something more internal and rooted into you.

If you were my god, I’d believe

She always invited you to everything. Pansy would take you out on trips, even head to the muggle world and explore a small bit. You began to grow more confident, not just with her but in general. Pansy always pushed you to greater extents. You quickly learned that if you ever had fear left in you, she'd be there to hold your hand as you’d try to pass through.

So turn the light's off-

As you stood on the London Bridge, looking at the water underneath as it slowly streamed passed the two of you, you decided to take your courage to a new level.

- and get closer to me

High off of the sudden adrenaline going through your veins, you kissed her. And she did the same.

I want to overdose on the air you breathe.

You two officially became inseparable. Everywhere you went, she was there. Everywhere she went, you were there as well. You loved when Pansy would try to show you off. She loved when you would get flustered i as you would try to be modest while she bragged about you. You brought a side in her that made her more empathetic, happier as she would stop herself from picking on the younger children, knowing how upset you would be if you saw her that way. Especially when her nasty habit would cause a fight where you’d start to consider to leave and she would try to give in herself.

Some days I need to break down.

And as time went, Pansy couldn’t hold in all the annoyance and resentment she had as she felt like she was on a leash, as if you were her controller.

“Where are you going? I am not finished talking!”

She would explode with every single ounce of irritation she had from you and would begin to yell when you would try to stop her from hurting another poor first year. By that point, the headache that was always hidden but there whenever you were near her, would begin to grow from a small ball of tension to a metal clad that would bang it’s way through your skull. You would try to defuse the situation and walk away but she never quit.

Some days, you’re just like me.

Pansy was always too stubborn, but so were you. The both of you would be near tears for a couple of days, breaking down at the thought of each other. You two wanted nothing more than to just ignore what had happened. But neither of you wanted to prove that you were wrong, even though you both weren’t innocent at all.

But you’re like my medicine

By the end of the week, you would still be together. Pansy would instantly try to make you feel better as she would offer you small massages and small treats. She would try her best to make sure that you were in a better mood as you would just stay the whole night, cuddling her in her bed. It didn’t matter if you were in different houses. You always managed to sneak into her dorm and sleep right next to her as she would lay her head on yours.

From good, good to bad, bad to worse, back to good but it works.

That was your cycle. You never cared that it had happened so often up until the very end, when you realized how awful she left you. One minute you two would be smiling, holding each other’s hand as you walked around the grounds, searching for something fun to do. Then you would be slightly annoyed as she would make snide comments about the passing students. And she would be uncomfortable and feel offended as you would try to oppose her comments. In less than an hour, you would be screaming at each other, once she even pushed you as it began a whole fight. By the end of the day, you would be kissing on the couch, trying to savour every moment as you were fueled by your anger for each other.

Our messed up kind of love

Though as that one fight began, so did a whole other bunch of instances. Your eyes began to gain even darker bags under them, your headaches became constant, and you gave up on even using mascara anymore, knowing that it would do nothing but just run down your face by the end of the day. You knew how much endurance your relationship required from the both of you. You knew how awful of toll it took on your mental and physical health. But you knew even more about how much you felt like you needed her. How just by being with her each minute of the day was the only thing that made you feel whole and better again. That was all you could have ever wanted from her. You knew what it was like to be without her but you also knew that it was worse than being with her. At least you thought it was. Pansy was our queen and your enemy, all at once. Your love wasn’t at all like it would be in Disney movies, it was the kind you saw in a Criminal Mind episode before a murder would go down. Then, you would get the fake happy ending that would relax the both of you for the whole day until the night would come, dampening your mood as you would scream and sometimes even throw things at each other. If an outsider saw the way everything went down, they would tell you to leave and run from the toxic relationship that you had brewed with Pansy. But you two would say otherwise. After all, it wasn’t a Disney kind of love. It was a messed up kind of love.

#harry potter #pansy parkinson #harry potter pansy #pansy #parkinson #bisexual #lesbian #lesbian couple #messed up #chloe adams and once monsters #pansy parkinson imagine #pansy parkinson song drabble #song drabble #song prompt

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redeadepression · 3 years

Text

Please Stay | John Marston Fic

I’ve decided to make this a small series. John’s inner monologue of all his failures (set in my Modern AU) and interactions with his friends and family/their reactions to his situation.

Jumbled timeline because I write what I feel like lately. But this is the sequel of Don’t Go and Just Ask.

Not sure if anyone is actually reading them but I am enjoying the journey regardless.

Trigger warning: implied/referenced attempted suicide, depression, anxiety, mental health issues, psychiatric hospitals

Characters: John Marston, Karmen Davis/Karmen Cassady (My OC) Setting: My Modern AU Words: 3582 Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship fluff Summery: John finally having access to his mobile phone brings him some much needed comfort but also extra pain.

PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS!

John wasn’t sure he’d slept at all the night before. His eyes were dry and aching and his nose was red raw from wiping it. The muscles in his neck were sore from trying to keep himself quiet and his breath had been hitching involuntarily since the early hours.

He’d thought the first few days had been rough. But they were nothing compared to what he’d experienced after Arthur had left him.

He’d felt lonely plenty of times in his life. But he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt quite so alone as he had watching Arthur’s back retreat down the hallway.

He’d wanted to scream for him to come back. Cry and beg for him to stay by his side despite years of internalized fear of looking weak in front of the other man.

He’d hated himself for it.

Needing someone.

He had a mandatory physic session after visiting hours had ended and as usual, he had refused to speak at all.

His psychologist was a very patient man. Generally, they would sit in a comfortable silence. Every now and then he would ask a question or make a statement and when John didn’t respond he would scribble something in his note pad.

John wondering what the man could possibly gleam from his silence. But he’d never ask. The scratching of the pen on paper made his skin crawl.

The other man reading him like an open book without him ever having to speak. Seeing into his psyche intimately and writing down his findings to be placed in his file alongside mundane information such as his blood type.

John wasn’t sure what vibe he had given off that prompted the doctor to ask if there was something he could do to make his stay more comfortable.

He had scoffed in reply. Asking if the doctors there had always been in the habit of bribing their patients or if he was just special.

The other man had laughed heartily at the retort before replying that their focus at the hospital was to help their patients get better and go home. He simply wanted to know what it was that would make John feel comfortable enough to talk to him.

John had answered immediately that he wanted his phone.

He hadn’t been able to tell anyone where he’d gone.

Hadn’t left a note.

The Doctor had reminded him calmly that patients weren’t permitted to have their cells and if John wanted to contact a friend or relative he could do so through the landlines they had set up where patients could be monitored during their calls.

John had rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to talk on the phone. He hated phone calls with a passion.

He wanted to text.

He didn’t want to hear the emotion in his friend’s voices as he explained what had happened or more accurately, he was terrified of not hearing any emotion at all.

Realising that they didn’t care.

John’s doctor had been silent for a long while. Tapping the end of his pen against his lips as he stared at the large painting above John’s head and lost himself in thought.

“I might be able to get you some time with your phone. If you participate in today’s session.” He’d said finally, again causing John to scoff.

“So a bribe?” He’d asked again, making the other man smile.

“A reward.” He had replied simply.

The doctor hadn’t probed too much. Keeping things light and making sure John felt safe as they finally got to know one another.

He’d seemed happy with the results and kept up his end of the bargain. Allowing John to use his phone for a few minutes under the watchful eye of one of the other staff members.

John had held his breath as he’d watched the apple symbol fade away and his lock screen had come into view. He stared at baby Jack as he waited, unconsciously clenching his jaw as he waited to see if anyone had missed him.

He’d let out the breath he’d been holding as the phone began to vibrate. Days of texts and missed calls coming through all at once.

Karmen

Arthur

Karmen

Mary-Beth

Karmen

Arthur

He’d mumbled the names as they’d popped up on the screen, feeling a sense of relief but also a great sadness.

“Abigail.” He’d whispered, clicking on the text immediately and ignoring the others. It wasn’t a message from her, but an automated notification to let him know she had called. He started at it, swallowing hard as he read the words:

No voicemail was message left.

He sighed shakily, his heart feeling heavy. He wasn’t sure what he had expected. She knew where he was and more pertinently, she had no reason to miss him.

He swallowed audibly, wiping at his misty eyes as he clicked away and in to Karmen’s messages instead.

23 Missed called. 14 texts.

He felt his heart flutter and for a small moment he felt happy. Every missed call had a voicemail attached and every message asked him where he was.

If he was okay.

His eyes watered as he scrolled through them. He didn’t have time to listen to the voicemails. But the texts were enough to make his heart ache. The desperation he sensed in her messages was palpable.

Guilt bubbled in his chest as he realised he had made her fret.

Are you home?

Please answer me, I’m worried.

Are you okay?

John please let me know you’re alright!

You’re scaring me :(

Please John answer me if you’re okay. xxx

Days’ worth of texts begging him to respond. His lips trembled, eyes spilling over as he reached the end of the thread.

His thumbs moved unconsciously across the keys as he replied without thinking.

I’m okay

He said simply. Staring at the message for a moment before three dots appeared and he knew she was typing back. Surprised by how quick she’d been. Had she really been waiting for him to respond this entire time?

Thank God

She replied. The three dots appearing again almost instantly as she continued to type.

I just spoke to Arthur

She replied again, making John’s breath hitch. There was a moment where nothing happened on the screen and John had to look away. Putting his phone down on the table in front of him and rubbing at his eyes. Unable to get rid of the persistent wetness.

His phone vibrated again, and he looked down at the message with blurry eyes.

Do you want visitors?

The text asked simply, making him choke on a sob as he snatched the cell and replied a quickly.

Yes.

I’ll be there as soon as I can.

She replied, the three dots ever looming.

John typed rapidly, his eyes darting between his phone and the nurse in the corner of the room. He could feel her watching him intently and knew he didn’t have much longer before she took his cell again.

Especially if he couldn’t control his emotions.

They’re going to take my phone again

John typed urgently, shaky thumb pressing send and causing her dots to disappear for a second before reappearing just as fast.

Stay strong honey xx

Karmen replied.

John stared at it, heart somehow feeling lighter and heavier at the same time.

The nurse began to walk towards him and he held his phone closer, protectively as he switched back in to Abigail’s messages.

Please come and visit

He typed hurriedly, feeling sick at the thought of begging. Only just managing to hit send as the nurse held out her hand and told him his time was up.

He handed it over reluctantly. Watching as she turned it off and gestured for him to stand so she could walk him back to his room.

John hadn’t slept again or at least he didn’t think he did. He hadn’t been this tired since Jack was a newborn and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes.

He’d spent the night staring at the ceiling and overanalysing everything that was said in his last text exchange.

He supposed that’s why they weren’t allowed to have their phones. It was so easy to misinterpret a line of text as opposed to a line that came from the lips. Although John thought, if anyone could still misinterpret a line from the lips it was probably him.

A knock on the doorframe caught his attention and he looked over to find Karmen standing there with a sympathetic smile. She entered without being beckoned as he rushed to sit up and greet her.

“You came.” He said softly when he found his voice, earning himself a frown.

“Of course, I did.” She said incredulously, placing her handbag down on the nightstand and moving to sit in the same chair Arthur had occupied the day before. “Did you not want me to?” She asked, her tone light but her words holding weight.

John had been vulnerable in front of her many times before. But whenever he showed his emotions, he seemed to always have one foot out the door. Readying himself to run away from his problems or just shut down completely at any moment. She knew he had trouble with his own weaknesses, especially in front of an audience and if he wanted her to leave, she would.

He’d gotten better at expressing himself over the years. But he’d never quite gotten the hang of truly letting someone else share his burden. There was always something he was keeping to himself and often it weighed him down significantly.

She desperately wished he would share his whole self with her so she could help ease his pain. But despite her hopes she had come to terms with the way he handled himself long ago. Long before Abigail existed in their lives.

She couldn’t believe now in the current state of things that she had once dared to hope he might share his whole self with Abigail.

The rotten bitch didn’t deserve to know what was weighing him down so heavily.

Perhaps he did share with her though.

She thought to herself as she looked to him with compassion. Maybe sharing his burden with her and being rejected had been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Something had snapped between the time he had left her house and when he ended up here.

She didn’t intend to ask him what had happened.

He would tell her when he was ready. He always did.

“Abigail didn’t come.” John said simply after a moment of silence. Ignoring her question but effectively explaining his confusion. Karmen looked at him sympathetically, trying hard to convey that she felt sad for him but she did not pity him.

“Are you surprised?” She asked softly, a genuine question not meant to be sarcastic or mean. John shook his head slowly, biting at the inside of his bottom lip to try and stop it from trembling.

He looked away from his friend, taking in a deep breath and trying his best to ignore the burning behind his eyes.

He jumped slightly as she stood, and he felt her hand slide on top of his. He looked down to their joined hands, turning his to take hers fully and squeezing tightly. Staring at it for a long minute before using it to pull her closer and wrapping his arms around her.

Karmen sat on the edge of the bed to keep her balance. Her free arm coming to wrap around his back and pull him close. He pressed his face into her shoulder, tears wetting the fabric of her shirt as he took a moment to let himself cry.

She shushed him lightly, squeezing his hand back hard and rubbing her thumb along what she could reach of his palm. Her other hand running small circles over his back as she held him firmly to her, doing her best to make him feel secure.

“Is she home?” John asked hoarsely, voice muffled against her collarbone. He heard Karmen swallow and knew he’d already gotten his answer.

She hesitated, unsure if the truth was best in this situation.

“Yes. She’s been home.” She answered eventually, voice soft as if whispering would make it hurt less. John didn’t respond, unsure he would be able to if he tried. His heart thundered in his chest and his body ached all over. His face felt hot and his teeth threatened to crack with how hard he was clenching his jaw. “I’m sorry.” Karmen whispered, her hand coming up to run through his hair.

John had always relished the physical comfort she gave him. She was the first person he ever remembered hugging him at the tender age of eight. He wasn’t sure if his Father had ever hugged him but if he had, he was too young to remember it.

Karmen had been a constant source of comfort throughout his life whether she knew it or not. Being around her made him feel inexplicably safe despite knowing she wasn’t capable of physically protecting him. He towered over her in stature and he had been known to knock out other men as big as Arthur, whereas he wasn’t sure Karmen had ever been involved in a physical altercation in her entire life.

Karmen stroked her fingers through his hair absently and wondered what he was thinking about. He hadn’t responded about Abigail. She doubted he was thinking positive thoughts.

“You scared me.” She said softly after a long moment of silence. John jolted slightly when she spoke, being thrown back roughly into reality.

“I’m sorry.” He said croakily, squeezing her tighter.

“I’ve been texting and calling all week.” She murmured, anger on the edge of her tone but not quite shining through.

John felt himself shiver against her as a new wave of guilt rushed through his chest. Sucking the air from his lungs as he desperately tried to take in another breath. Lungs hitching and failing as Karmen ran a calming hand down his spine and shushed him again lightly.

“Why didn’t…” He tried, finding his voice again through the lump in his throat. “You come earlier?” He finished, choking on his own words as he felt her sigh in his arms.

She was silent for too long.

John convincing himself without her needing to speak that she simply didn’t want to. He was a chore that she’d put off as long as humanely possible. Arriving just in time to throw him a bone and keep him alive.

“I didn’t know where you were.” Karmen finally answered, making John frown at the flatness of her tone.

He had seen her texts and knew she was asking for him.

She lived across the damn road from him for God’s sakes. If she wanted to know where he was how hard was it to walk across the street and ask.

“Didn’t you ask Abigail?” He questioned, pulling away from the hug and looking to her with furrowed brows.

She stared back, sad eyes filled with something he could not discern, looking him over as she contemplated her answer.

Of course, she had asked.

“I didn’t think of it.” She lied, placing a hand on his cheek and wiping at the new tears forming with a gentle thumb.

John swallowed thickly, her answer out of character with everything he knew about her. She was relentless when she wanted answers. Ruthless when it came to things like social media stalking. She could spend twenty minutes on someone’s Facebook and tell you what their Mother had eaten for lunch the day they were born.

But she hadn’t thought to ask his wife where he was when he had stopped responding to her texts…

He didn’t buy it.

“Arthur called me yesterday. I came as soon as I could.” She added, looking into his eyes and spying a sadness so deep she was afraid it would swallow him.

It almost had.

She realised, gritting her teeth and blinking against her own tears.

“She didn’t tell you where I was?” John asked after a long moment, voice small. “What I’d-” He stopped himself, unable to finish the sentence.

Karmen stared at him, biting at her bottom lip as she watched his face crumple.

“She just said you weren’t home.” She explained with a sigh. “I don’t know why she told Arthur the truth.” She whispered earnestly, pulling him back to her and guiding his head to her shoulder with one hand.

He rested against her easily. Craving her touch in the most platonic sense.

“I do.” He answered plainly, the pain in his voice evident as he took in a shaky breath.

“She scared of him like everyone else?” Karmen asked with a chuckle. Surprised when John sniffed out a small laugh.

“No.” He answered. “The opposite.”

“He’s scared of her?” Karmen asked, her voice scandalous, making John smile. She knew what he meant. Abigail’s suspected crush on Arthur had been brought up a few times between their small group of friends. She’d never broached it with John, but she suspected he knew.

He didn’t have to say it if it was too distressing. She decided instead to move on from the topic of Arthur. He’d already guesses she had spoken with Abigail. No point now in omitting the specifics. “Abigail…” She began, feeling him tense at the named. “She was acting real’ weird when I saw her.” She said softly. “Not gonna’ lie I was kinda worried she’d murdered you.” She added with a chuckle. “Glad she didn’t though.”

John pulled away from her again, a small smile on his face as he moved away completely and rolled his eyes. He sat back against the head of his bed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Wouldn’t put it passed her to be honest.” He lamented. “Seems to want me gone bad enough.”

Karmen nodded, clicking her tongue for lack of anything to say. She knew Abigail had purposefully deceived her. But enforcing that with John was not what he needed from her in that moment. He didn’t need her to force him into feeling disdain for his wife while he was so vulnerable.

If he wanted to leave her, he needed to make that decision on his own. Not under her influence. He wouldn’t have him feeling resentful of her or her involvement in their divorce in future.

“I don’t think she’ll come.” John said softly, breaking the long silence as Karmen looked to him sympathetically. “If she doesn’t…” He began, sitting forward and wringing his hands together in his lap. “Could you see if she’ll let you bring Jack?” He asked after a moment, muscles straining under the effort to keep his face neutral.

“Sure.” Karmen nodded with a soft shrug. She wasn’t hopeful but she could certainly try. She’d do anything to make him happy at this point. “Oh.” She exclaimed, making him jump as she reached for her bag on the nightstand. “Here.” She said excitedly, rummaging through her bag and producing something.

She held out her hand and he took the object with a smile.

“I forgot this was coming out.” He said softly, staring at the Pokémon game in his hands before looking to her with watery eyes. “Thank you.” He whispered, feeling emotion rise to the surface once more.

“I just bought them before I came here. So you’ve got Sword and I‘ve got Shield, so we can trade.” Karmen smiled, pulling her console from her bag and placing it on the nightstand. “You can borrow mine until you get home.” She said softly.

“Actually, Arthur brought me mine.” John said quickly, pulling open the nightstand and checking to make sure he hadn’t dreamed it.

Everything was fuzzy at the moment.

“Oh, even better.” Karmen smiled wickedly, taking her console back and placing it in her purse. “You’d better get on that. Make sure to catch extras of all the exclusives for me.” She said, only half joking. But mainly intending to push John into obsessing over something other than the state of his marriage.

John stared at the cover art, excitement flicking in his chest for the first time in a long while. He really had been looking forward to it.

Until…

He closed his eyes, pushing the thought away as he placed the game down next to him. At least now he would have something to keep him occupied during the long nights of no sleep.

“Thanks.” He said again, unable to accurately express how much the small gesture meant to him.

“You’re welcome honey.” Karmen smiled, placing a comforting hand on his knee and petting it gently as he watched on with glazed eyes.

“Do… Do you have to go soon?” John asked, voice hoarse as he kept his emotions at bay for the moment.

“Not if you don’t want me to.” She answered, a question lingering in the air as John shook his head in response.

“Wanna play?” He asked after a moment, watching as her lips quirked at the question.

“Hell yes, I do.” She answered eagerly, reaching for her bag once more as John chuckled at her enthusiasm.

She always seemed to know exactly what he needed to make him feel better.

He was so grateful to have her.

End.

~~~~

John is a Pokémon fan. I don’t take constructive criticism. :’)

Please let me know if you read this and liked it! I love hearing from my awesome readers! Let me know if you want more backstory and what you’re hoping to see! ❤

#john marston #rdr2 modern au #angst #hurt/comfort #original character #karmen cassady #karmen davis #tw suicide attempts #tw suicide #cw suicide #tw depression #cw despression #Psych Hospital #cw suicidal thoughts #tw suicidal thoughts #trigger warning #content warning

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