#cannot emphasis enough- incredibly easy

[daydreamerdrew]

The Avengers (1963) #3

#later on in the 60s there are multiple stories on the Hulk’s Tales to Astonish run #where he gets tricked by a bad guy into helping them #all of which retroactively made the Avengers look bad for failing to keep him on their team #because it is demonstrably not difficult to get 60s Hulk on your side just by being nice for him for like idk just a little bit #of course that’s after they settled on making the Hulk less intelligent #the earliest iteration of the Hulk was not that easy to trick #but the retroactive effect is still here #just because of how easy some villains found it to trick the Hulk into being on their side #cannot emphasis enough- incredibly easy #and how much the Avengers failed to get him to trust them #lol I think they played those stories that way because the Hulk’s main enemy was the military #and they didn’t want to do intense sympathetic character against the military stories #so when he got really destructive towards them it was an actual villain’s fault #marvel #bruce banner #tony stark #my posts #comic panels

[dduane]

i’ve always thought it was really cool how honest you are on this website. i think a lot of the time when writers become established or well known, people who aren’t professional writers, or perhaps are writers but have not published anything or amassed a following tend to think that there’s a point when writing becomes easy. but i think you’ve always been pretty upfront and clear about how that is incredibly not true. writing will still be hard sometimes. i just think that’s neat

Thanks.

I’ve been getting paid for this work for forty years now, and I’m here to tell you that even in previous decades, when there always seemed more than enough energy for whatever needed doing, my work was never something I’d have dared characterize as “easy.” (Not least because I always knew such a description, no matter how jokingly I might have voiced it, would have been tempting fate.) ...And having just turned seventy, while these days I have to manage my energy resources a bit more carefully to get done what needs doing, the work’s still not easy.

Sure, some tasks associated with the Work become less troublesome to manage simply because you’ve met and managed them so many times now. Some problems that you’ve solved repeatedly enough become simpler to untangle... sometimes to the point that you don’t even have to think about how to manage things when they pop up. Some mistakes that you made too many times in previous years have also become easier to avoid over time (the way you learn to avoid riding your bike right at a brick wall after the first few times, no matter how you want to show up the person who dared you to. Pain’s a great teacher...).

But the everlasting search for the perfect word, or exactly the right character voice, or the quintessential viewpoint, or the most satisfying plot twist for this particular story, never gets any easier. Solve one of these challenges, and another will promptly present itself. This work is not meant to get easy, because growth isn’t easy... and the good writer is always growing and learning. The last thing you want to hear is “His/her/their book is just another version of the one before. They’ve gone stagnant. They’ve stopped trying.” And my concern is that the thought or feeling “That was easy” at the end of a project would be a sure sign that something or other was going very wrong.

There’s this, too. When too many things start becoming easy, there’s a risk of losing the one thing about a completed writing project that can’t be taken from you: your (rightful!) sense of accomplishment. At the end of the day, that’s the only prize that really matters. Yeah, you get paid when you turn work in. (Or not, if you’re laboring at the fanfic end of things.) But money (or kudos) cannot replace the intimate personal knowledge of what you did, and how you got it done. Outside rewards are no equal to the memory of how you sized up the task lying before you—the way a mountaineer sizes up a peak—or  the way you plotted out how you were going to tackle it: and how you then, step by step, pitch by pitch and crag by crag, embark on your fic’s or novel’s or screenplay’s conquest. The view from the top, months later, when you’re up there looking down over the way you’ve come, wouldn’t be anything like as satisfying if it had felt easy.

So I’m quite happy to keep a good tight grip on the sense of the Work sometimes being hard. When things fail to go as planned—because of life issues, or executing a batch of material and finding out after the fact that it’s all wrong, or discovering that the emphasis of your project has changed in some way you never expected—then the ways you find to shift and cope and get through to your goal are proof that you’re still growing, still learning new ways to get it done. The sense of difficulty, by this metric, is way more valuable as proof of growing expertise than any sense of things being, or getting, easy.

Anyway: thanks for the kind words. They’re much appreciated.  :)

#writing #It's not easy #and that's fine by me

[the-yuri-librarian]

Bloom into You Analysis: Chapter 2

As many people know, chapter one of Bloom into You ends with Nanami confessing that she is falling in love with Yuu. This is obviously a shock to Yuu, who had the misconception that Nanami was like her -- unable to feel love. Through the use of symbolism and foreshadowing, chapter two pushes this moment from a simple proclamation of love to a situation neither of the main characters, and a few of the side characters, can ignore.

Here's my favorite panel from this chapter (it was an easy pick), followed by the analysis below the cut:

Chapter two starts quietly, with Yuu sitting in the tub wondering what the heck just happened:

This is, for her, a totally natural thing to do given the circumstances of the day. As she reflects on her conversation with Nanami, the audience sees of flashback that shows how the conversation ended: with Nanami realizing that she had done something weird and backtracking it. At first, this seems like an odd choice from a narrative perspective. At the end of the last chapter, the audience sees the inciting incident; Nanami confessing her love to Yuu. Then, at the beginning of this chapter, the narrative seems to be walking that inciting incident back, returning the story to the status quo (somewhat) from before the confession. This is not entirely the case. But, to understand what the narrative is doing, we first have to take a step back and give it a moment to establish what this new pseudo-normal looks like.

So, the next day (or maybe a couple days later, the manga is not really clear on the timeline), Yuu and the rest of the student council meet at the student council room to celebrate a successful year, and the upcoming departure of their president and the current officers of the student council. Then, through dialogue, the soon-to-be former president asks Nanami if she is planning to run for student council president, proclaiming that she will win by a landslide. Nanami confirms that she is running. Then, another member of the student council asks Sayaka if she is running, a question she answers with a resounding no, before saying, "Like always... I'm just happy to stay by [Nanami's] side and support her" (v.1, ch.2, pg 8; emphasis original). Long term yuri fans will immediately flag this comment as suspicious for reasons we will get into a moment. While all this is going down, Nanami has pulled Yuu aside to ask her to be her campaign manager, leading to this moment:

This page is incredibly interesting because it is foreshadowing on several different levels. It is setting up the first major arc of the story, which the next few chapters will on. It is also creating a pretense for Nanami to spend time with Yuu, signaling to the audience that their relationship is likely going to develop. And notice who beside the two leads is on this page: Sayaka. Look at the disappointment on her face. It is incredibly clear that Sayaka expected that she would be Nanami's campaign manager over anyone else. And now, this freshman who Nanami has only known for a few days is getting the job? This is goes beyond foreshadowing, because there is a bit of a twist involved. From the outside, it appears that Sayaka is getting jealous because she is getting ousted as Nanami's best friend. In fact, they even have a brief argument about this later:

But, Sayaka herself, as well as people who have already read the manga, knows the truth. She is in love with Nanami and is afraid Nanami is falling in love with Yuu. It has been long established, in Sayaka's mind, that Nanami cannot fall in love and she therefore has no chance to be with her. So, she has accepted her fate, and has decided to be as close to her as friends as she can, and that will be enough. But now, she is reading between the lines and is starting to worry that Nanami has fallen in love, but with someone else. In the scene prior to this one, Yuu is contemplating why Nanami would pick her over Sayaka, and she comes to a similar conclusion. Regardless, Sayaka acquiesces, telling Nanami that she better not lose and asking Yuu to take care of Nanami. And, with that, Yuu and Nanami walk home together, presumably to strategize, which leads us to the conclusion of this arc.

As the leads girls walk away from the school Yuu gets the courage to ask Nanami about the awkward moment from the other day, leading to my favorite panel, and two incredibly significant pages of the story:

And this moment is why the narrative seems to backtrack away from the confession at the beginning of the chapter, and it is full of symbolism. But, to fully explain the significance of this moment, we have to look at what happens right before the kiss, starting below:

As Yuu and Nanami are walking, they approach some train tracks, which they cross. But, right after they cross, the bars of the train crossing drop. Here:

And here:

Now, this story does not fit the archetype of the hero's journey, but I am going to borrow some terminology from that literary device. In this moment, Yuu and Nanami are crossing a symbolic threshold. Think of the train tracks as a door. Yuu and Nanami are walking through that door, and the train track barriers dropping for an oncoming train signifies that the door is about to close. In the moments that the train arrives, Nanami turns, and as it passes she kisses Yuu, before confessing love to her again.

This moment has a weight to it that Nanami's first confession did not have. Before, they were both standing in one world, where Nanami's confession could disappear and they could both pretend it never happened. Now, they have stepped through a door into another world, one where Nanami's feelings are tangible in a way they weren't before. And, the door to their prior world has shut. There is no going back. From here, the story starts in earnest, and we are left in a very different place than we were in the first chapter. Now, instead of Yuu figuring this out alone, Yuu and Nanami are standing in the aftermath of what happened, together, as they wonder what they should do.

See you on Friday, January 10th, for Chapter 3! ^-^

Here's the bonus image for this chapter, which is about the pre-written speech Sayaka gave Yuu to read:

#spoilers #i guess #bloom into you #yuri #yuri posting #girls love #analysis #manga #I really like the panels where the girls get all in each other's personal space I guess

[hydok]

I posted 6,916 times in 2022

That's 3,995 more posts than 2021!

25 posts created (0%)

6,891 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@trekfaerie

@laora-ryn

@kaen-ace-of-diamonds

@lunar-resonance

@needlekind

I tagged 728 of my posts in 2022

#yeah - 38 posts

#adhd stuff - 26 posts

#ace stuff - 11 posts

#oh - 7 posts

#brb guillotines - 7 posts

#ane - 7 posts

#suddenly a fic - 7 posts

#oh no - 4 posts

#incredible - 4 posts

#im hollering - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i fully accept that given these details i absolutely sound like ta but what she didnt mention is that there was grass on these sandwiches

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

you’ve got to give it to ohkubo the man at least included in his visual dictionary the face people make when they consider his writing choices

7 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

#4

i hate ohkubo i want this man to stop creating anything that might be interpreted as new soul eater content

7 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

#3

"written by matteo jwhj 0715" they say, like it wasn't based off of the play by jára cimrman

smh

8 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

#2

adhd lifehack: roomba

and like i know i know theyre expensive but i hadnt vacuumed for over six months (because adhd) and then i spent $179.99 on black friday last year and in exchage i got a little robot hockey puck (her name is birdy because she chirps) who every tuesday, thursday, and sunday wanders around my studio apartment and bumps into walls and eats all the cat hair and hay and rabbit poop and all i have to do is rescue her if she gets trapped by horrors beyond her comprehension (the bench with mirrored legs) and clean out her compartment (easy it just pops out and i dump it in the trash).

no longer do i get paralyzed by the Cleaning Terrors of "oh my floor is gross im a failure of an adult i have to clean it but in order to clean it i have to move furniture and then deal with the vacuum and go over spots and it takes so long i cant but im a failure of an adult i cant do anything else cleaning because of how bad my floor is"

my floor is clean, it's nice to walk on, all the other adulting cleanliness tasks become so much easier because the elephant in the room has been taken out back and shot by a tiny robot maid with a gun

31 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

thinkin about..... justin law again..... like i have for the past literal decade and counting....

im still mad about the soul eater manga for many reasons but one of them one of the big reasons is justin law

because on the surface yeah it's "the creepy hyperviolent religion obsessed weirdo who is out of touch with social and even religious norms picks a new god and goes off the rails" concept which is fine it fits the soul eater vibe it's even got echos of asura's fall from grace

and yeah "he went insane because he neglected to form the proper weapon-meister social bond" is fitting for soul eater as well and really hammers in the difference between justin (who in the series is presented as someone who could not be saved) and stein (whose bonds are what make him someone the series decides should be saved)

and okay fine "he attacked and decapitated the one friend he had, the only person who tried to reach out to him" does hammer that in. (though tbh tezca is. bad. thats not a friend)

and yes it's a shonen series with a huge emphasis on bonds so it's genre appropriate that the adults stand around and go "this teenager cannot be saved because he failed to form friendships and so no one cares about him enough to go after him"

except

one problem

and that problem is very very simple and very very obvious and very very baked into justin law's entire character

and it's the problem of his weapon form.

because justin law is a guillotine.

because ohkubo made it extremely clear that justin physically cannot have a meister.

because the entire message of "you need to have friends and you need people around you who understand you" falls completely apart when the character used by the author as the example was designed by the author to be physically incapable of forming the bonds every other character has and excuse me ohkubo you're telling me what? he thought this was clever? he thought going "im going to make a character who cannot form a meister-weapon bond and play him up as cool for fighting solo and make him go evil to really bring it home that you need friends" was a clever idea? it's ohkubo so probably

but actually ohkubo just made a character who was physically barred from forming proper relationships with others, and then had every responsible adult in this character's life look at him and by the time he was thirteen go "not only is this good that he's socially isolated and doesn't have a life partner like everyone else does by this age, we should give him a role in our organization where he works solo all the time. this is a good idea. this will not backfire on anyone involved in any way." and by the time he was seventeen the adults went "if only he had made proper social bonds he would have someone who cared enough to save him from getting his soul clownjacked by an incarnation of the god of madness"

and it is almost 2023 and ohkubo stopped writing soul eater in 2013 (and stopped caring about the series in like idk 2010 at the latest) and i am still thinking too much about this asshole teenage sadist who according to the manga got exactly what he deserved but really deserved so much better

64 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#year in review #thats 3995 more posts than 2021 #three of my top five posts were about soul eater #which yeah sorry soul eater is My Brand im ur Soul Eater Friend #87% of my posts were untagged #which is also My Brand sorry #trek u win the Hydok Content Generator Award

[sleepless-crows]

Cactus. Orchid. Sage. Ivy. :)

This will be so confusing if you see this later

i love asks excuse me you are my top priority of course i will see this now

cactus- something you're currently learning (about)?

hmmmm. i sort of cannot focus on one thing at a time. if i tell you i'm learning piano now, i probably would drop it next week. so this has to be a very long-term thing for me. uhm i think mbti maybe? i do know it and i've been learning it for around 2 years now. and i've grown a lot but i still am learning. so if you see me post about mbti and you're an expert, just ignore me, i'm an impostor. and never ever trust my word, with anything really, ever. but if this question is about a life lesson, i think i'm learning how to focus less on others and more on working on myself as a person. i will not go deeper than that.

orchid- what's a song you consider to be perfect?

like as of now, what i am currently feeling. SNOW ON THE BEACH I LOVE IT SO MUCH

sage- what 'medium' of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues, etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

poetry, i think. i love reading poetry and i *try* to write it too. emphasis on try. i think i really connect with words, i think its my forte over drawing, music, etc. plus i love the people who analyze paintings and statues and appreciate them but i can't do that. words feel much more easy to understand over colors and styles and i just love words so much. i think its incredible how we invented words and how complicated they are. i just love words, yeah.

ivy- what are your 'tells' for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you're happy, annoyed, upset, or tired?

oh this is very interesting. i don't know how other people see me and no one's ever observed me enough and told me. but i feel like it would show on how much i talk. when i'm happy, i jump around and rant and rant and rant. even to people i don't usually talk to with those things, i'll talk to them when i'm happy because WHO CARES DID YOU KNOW THAT— when i'm sad, i'm probably very quiet OR if i'm trying to hide it, i'll act extra optimistic and fake. oh oh, also when i'm happy, sometimes i just feel my body heat grow higher. like my whole body is blushing from excitement. and when i'm sad, i'll usually feel very inspired and contemplate a lot (aside from crying?? which is a clear indicator)

#i want you to know that when i post in paragraphs i am basically monologuing like i will not keep any thoughts from you so #THANK YOU FOR THE ASK THIS WAS SO FUN #jordieritzcracker asks #ask game #i want to ask you to dance right there*

[ifyougoillfollow]

Ghost’s Writing Masterpost

Howdy. I’m Ghost. I write fic for BNHA, specifically Rooftop Gang and EraserMic, and I’m a certified Mic stan and proud Midnight simp.

More pertinently, I’ve finally written enough that I feel justified in making one of these for easy access, so without further ado:

Main Series

our little group has always been

My (mostly) canon compliant take on the Rooftop Gang friendship over the years. A collection of one-shots that share a timeline, but can be read independently of each other, and were in fact written as such. Emphasis on EraserMic (platonic and/or romantic, depending on when the fic takes place) and MicNight friendship. Manga spoilers galore. Expect a lot of feelings.

All of the Fic

In reverse chronological order of when they were written/updated (i.e. newest first):

as we sink into the open sea M/F, Gen | QPR MicNight | 1720 words | Complete

On the eve of his nineteenth birthday, Yamada Hizashi walks into the ocean and comes back with a wife. (Selki AU One-Shot)

be my fictional obsession (my newest daydream) M/M - Teen EraserMic | 14396 words | Complete

Yamada Hizashi's Guide to Successfully Fake-Dating Your Homie (Exactly what it says on the tin. Naught but shenanigans.)

a song for a song Gen, M/F, M/M - QPR MicNight, Background EraserMic | ~3000 words | WIP

Fantasy AU featuring Bard Mic and Witch Midnight. Posted here on Tumblr in unconnected snippets as I get them done because I cannot help myself.

take me somewhere nice Gen - Mic & Midnight & Aizawa | 1006 words | Complete

It’s no surprise, really, that they’ve ended up here – with two wayward tykes at their dinner table. (Based on @/black-and-yellow’s Villain!Mic aka Loudspeaker AU. Inspired by this wonderful piece.)

you know i make you wanna scream M/M - EraserMic | 16467 words | Ongoing

Certified Bastard Vampire Slayer Mic vs. Stubborn Bastard Vampire Aizawa. FIGHT! (Inspired by @/tivvtwo’s incredible Vampire AU. Go check it out, it’s literally perfect.)

be still, my indelible friend Gen - Mic & Midnight | 4760 words | Ongoing

After losing Oboro, the Rooftop Gang is down to three. In theory. (MicNight friendship-centric 6+1.)

right face, wrong time (i don’t wanna fall in love) F/F - MidJoke | 10532 words | Ongoing

Despite her best efforts, Nemuri falls in love. (MidJoke meet-cute + shenanigans at Pride.)

like sugar and cyanide M/M - EraserMic | 9259 words | Complete

Shouta has to room with Hizashi for a week. Feelings ensue. (Written for EraserMic Week 2021.)

my only sunshine when skies are grey Gen - Mic & Eri | 2199 words | Complete

Eri misses Mic. He misses her, too. Neither is very good at following rules. (Based on @/black-and-yellow’s Villain!Mic aka Loudspeaker AU. Inspired by this post. Please check out the accompanying fanart!)

like heaving through corrupted lungs M/M - EraserMic | 4014 words | Complete

Aizawa Shouta has terrible timing. (EraserMic confession. Major manga spoilers. Heavy angst.)

stay with me (and be a ghost tonight) Gen - Mic & Kurogiri | 1812 words | Complete

Hizashi finds closure and makes a new (old) friend while he's at it. (Villain!Mic AU one-shot. Inspired by this post.)

a definite sign of what we will be (someday) M/M - EraserMic | 3668 words | Complete

Fellas, is it gay to raise a child with the best friend you've been hopelessly in love with for years? (EraserMic mutual pining. Please check out the wonderful fanart gifted to me by the lovely @/titwarble.)

if we pull away, we’ll keep the shape of each other Gen - Midnight & Mic & Aizawa | 5647 words | Complete

Nemuri’s had a shit week. All she wants to do is catch up on sleep. Yamada has other plans. (Runner-up in @/queenangst’s Gen Contest. Near and dear to my heart.)

we were skipping stones on quiet shores Gen - Mic & Aizawa | 2849 words | Complete

Hizashi and Shouta on a weekend-long fishing trip. If only fishing didn’t suck so hard.

friend make sense of me (come what might) Mostly Gen - Mic & Midnight & Aizawa | 7460 words | Complete

(Major Manga Spoilers. Heavy angst. A personal favorite, but tread lightly.) Nemuri died. Shouta can't talk about it. Hizashi can't not.

just the thought of you (makes me stop) M/M, Gen - EraserMic, Mic & Midnight | 3171 words | Complete

Hizashi’s a bit of a maudlin drunk. A short, inevitably R-rated conversation with Nemuri helps set his head back on straight.

Miscellaneous

I’ve also contributed to a few bits of meta and made some fic rec lists for this blog, so I’ll just go ahead and link those here, because why not?

Mic & Aizawa Coping with Grief Meta + Villain!Mic Concept

Present Mic as a Persona Meta

Even More Meta About Mic & Aizawa Coping with Grief

Mic & Aizawa Fanon vs. Canon Characterization wrt Handling Victims

Rooftop Gang Post-Graduation

Fluffy Mic-centric EraserMic Fic Recs

Fun EraserMic Fic Recs

Angsty EraserMic Fic Recs

More Angsty EraserMic Fic Recs

Feel Good Erasermic Fic Recs

I’m also just a big fan of promoting the wonderful fic writers on this platform, so if you’d like more EraserMic and/or Rooftop Gang recs, feel free to peruse my ‘fic rec’ tag!

Happy reading! <3

#yamada hizashi #present mic #aizawa shouta #kayama nemuri #erasermic #rooftop gang #midjoke #fic masterpost #i wrote a thing #several of them even lol #feels good to finally have one of these up tbh #my inner organization nerd is thriving #i'll be updating this as needed

[agent-absinthe]

foreigner’s god pt. 1

marvel. bucky barnes/reader. canon divergent. heavy fic. 5k+

Blaire Briar gets through the day by telling herself that James Buchanan Barnes and the Winter Soldier are two different people.  It makes knowing he’s been pardoned and walking free easier for her to process.  Only when she’s forced to assist on a mission with him on the team roster her carefully constructed coping begins to crumble.  Forced to finally deal with their shared trauma Blaire and Bucky begin the difficult process of healing.  The process is made more difficult when Bucky realizes that despite everything he has feelings for her.

warnings: assault, rape/non-con, violence, blood, sexual content, language, No Snap AU

“Sir, I can’t take this assignment.”

Director Coulson looked up at the woman from his desk where he had been staring at the phone, currently on hold with Stark, a record 48 minutes now.

“That assignment requires your skill set, I would think after complaining of not feeling useful you’d be happy for the opportunity.”

“Sir,” she tried again- almost pleading, “I cannot take this.  Not with this team.”

He leaned back in the chair and considered the woman in front of him.  Special Agent Blaire Briar, who worked mainly as a grunt in Comms for recon teams.  Except when her special talent of Energy Vampirism brought her out into the field.  Although she wasn’t used often for the skill set, when it was needed she became invaluable.  Briar started out as an intern for Shield brought in by Maria Hill on a Stark recommendation- a series of personal traumas set off by Alexander Pierce led to her current position.

“The team was hand picked and is non negotiable.  Captain Rogers prefers to work with those he trusts and he says he needs you, this isn’t a request.”

“I have trauma with the Winter Soldier. I can’t-”

“Sergeant Barnes,” Coulson corrected feeling guilt at her desperate expression, “he was pardoned so as far as the government and all other agencies are concerned all reparations are paid.  Any personal feelings are just that- personal- and are to be dealt with in your own time.”

“And if I refuse?”

“You’ll be reprimanded and will most likely cost thousands of people their lives if not more.  I know that’s not something you want on your hands Agent, so just take the assignment.  You’ll be back in comms by the end of the weekend if all goes well.”

This was fucking bullshit. 

Blaire couldn’t see straight as she stomped down the hall back to comms, gripping the wall from a sudden bout of nausea that overtook her.  The folder was delivered to her in the afternoon by a security personnel and at first she had been thrilled to receive the assignment.  There were ruins on a small island off the coast of Ireland thought to contain a training base for Hydra recruits.  Files inside the base could provide names of remaining Hydra agents, contracts and agreements that the terrorist organization made, among other intel that could be incredibly useful.  It sounded interesting and she was itching to get out there and live a mission instead of listening in on one.

“Whoa, you ok?  Jesus, Blaire you look like you’re about to throw up.”  Hill’s voice sounded like it came from far away even when she put a concerned hand on her back.

“Tell me this job is worth it.”

“What?”

“I need you to keep me from walking the fuck outta here.  I can’t do this shit anymore, I can’t fucking do it.  I could be at Stark Industries or- or working with Strange or pouring goddamn drinks at Starbucks getting verbally abused by assholes.”

Her hands were on her knees now as she tried to focus on her breathing and stave off the panic attack building in her chest.  She was too young for this kind of stress.  Was any of this worth it?  The manilla folder containing her assignment was tossed to the floor, open on the team roster page so his name glared out at them. 

James Buchanan Barnes

When Maria saw the name she knew what was wrong immediately and knelt in front of Blaire, hands on her cheeks so she had to focus on her.

“Hey, hey, hey breathe for me, Briar.  That’s it.  Listen, they’re two different people- two completely different people.”

“I know that.  I know.”

“You can do this, you’re strong and I know for a fact that you’re too much of a bitch to let something stop you from doing your job, right?”

Briar laughed at that, the laughter dissolving into tears momentarily before she regained her composure, “right.” 

“You are the only one that can help them on that mission, you’re the one that’s gonna be calling the shots.  Now let’s go ahead and go down to development so we can get you measured for your gear.”

~

“Are you listening to me, James?”  Dr. Raynor asked with a forceful tap of her pen against the notepad to get his attention.

“Not really.”

She sighed and started writing waiting until he looked up with irritation before continuing, “I said done correctly this could be an opportunity for you to cross another name off the list.  Emphasis on done correctly.”

Bucky let out a breath he was holding in and turned to the window so he could pretend not to hear what Raynor was saying.  The therapist was right and so was Steve when he approached Bucky last week to let him know about who they needed for the recon.  He’d apologized to people he tried to kill easy enough, but it didn’t feel like there was a proper way to apologize for what he did to her.

“And what am I supposed to do when I see her?  Just walk up and say sorry?  It’s like you and Steve live in this perfect little world where forgiveness is just handed out the minute someone says sorry.”

“Steve and I live in the real world where we face our problems-”

“Oh, here we go.”

“-where we face our problems and hope that we can be forgiven for any harm caused.  You’ll be working with this girl so you will have to face it sooner or later, make sure Rogers is there when you do it if that will make you feel more comfortable.  That’ll be your homework until our next session- try to come to terms with what happened and make an effort to talk to Briar.”  

It was just the same shit Steve told him over and over.  Dr. Raynor sure as hell couldn’t know what he was going through even Steve didn’t understand this part of adjusting.  

Of atonement.  

When he closes his eyes and concentrates he can still see Pierce with a smile telling him about a “special” side mission, a “treat really”, that he wanted The Winter Soldier to complete.

Her apartment was quiet when he entered through the bedroom window to begin the first step of the mission.  Placing a small hidden camera in the framework of her gaming setup tucked in a corner across from the bed.  When he walked into the rest of the home he was stopped by a curious mew and looked down to find a fat, grey cat weaving between his legs.  The cat observed him for the rest of the camera placements and sweep of the apartment, disarming any weapons he found.  A loaded gun under the sink, a taser between couch cushions, and a knife on the bathroom vanity.  

“Your target’s not on her way yet so hang tight.  Fix the camera in the living room while you wait, I want it more focused on the couch and turn on your body camera.”  Pierce’s voice came over the earpiece sounding almost bored as he sat at his desk and looked through the new feeds.

He gravitated back to her bedroom when he wasn’t given another task finding that the room was pleasant to be in.  Warm and dim, smelling like the floral perfume bottle he inspected earlier.  The cat followed and jumped to the bed meowing at the soldier in annoyance when he didn’t pet him.  Something like muscle memory took over and Bucky lifted his flesh hand out to the cat who purred rubbing it’s face into the palm.

“Good cat.” He mumbled earning another meow and purr.

After a few more minutes of radio silence he sat, the mattress and box spring groaned under his weight and the softness felt foreign.  When another minute passed he leaned back in the unmade bed and didn’t move as a purring weight laid on his stomach.  It was all so...comforting.  Only when his eyes began to close did the earpiece screech on.

“Target’s in transit, be ready when she gets there-”

The front door opening interrupted Pierce, “Tikki!  Where is my fat little man?”

Tikki jumped off of him and he could hear the cat meowing to it’s owner as she walked to the kitchen, tossing her bags down on the way.  The woman looked normal enough to him, a little heavy for an agent but nothing he couldn’t handle.

“She’s worn out from training but we still don’t know how long her power can last.  You need to get the implant in her neck to block the absorption if she tries anything.”

Bucky fished in his utility belt for the dime sized, pronged disk and held it in his fist as he stalked closer to the kitchen.  She was singing to herself while stacking up dirty dishes to make room for a take out bag.

“Thank god I got there before they closed and yes they did give me some grilled chicken for you, Tikki.  Such a fat kitty, lucky you’re so cute.  Sure as hell don’t keep you around to pay rent, you’re a freeloader and you don’t even care!”

Pierce was telling him to proceed, but Bucky stood in the doorway and watched her set a small bowl down in front of Tikki who ignored it to eye him and meow louder, suddenly puffing up as if realizing that the strange man was now a threat.  

“What’s the matter you crazy cat?  That’s all you’re getting so deal with it.”  

A low growl and hiss.

“Jesus Christ, what?  Is there a fucking-”  She started and turned around only for her voice to die in her throat as they stared at one another.  

“Ok, Bucky?”  Dr. Raynor repeated.

“Ya ok.” 

~

This was it.  They were getting briefed this morning then they’d be flown out, Blaire could barely stand without shaking so she sat at her small cubicle in comms until it was time.  She should have known that Steve would try to play good guy and come find her.

“Hey, Blaire.”

“What do you want?”  

“Briefing is gonna start soon, thought we could walk down there together.”

“To make you feel better or me?”

The super soldier leaned against her desk and crossed his arms, “you know I wouldn’t put you in this position if I didn’t have to.  There’s no other way for us to get through those doors, trust me we’ve tried.”

“Let’s just get it over with.”  

She wasn’t trying to lash out at Rogers on purpose but it was hard to control her anger when she felt this shitty.  Steve and her used to be good friends, introduced by Tony who thought Blaire could make the soldier blush, they ended up balancing each other out nicely.  After what happened with the winter soldier and Shield they grew apart not talking unless Tony had a gathering they were both obligated to attend.  It was a loss on both ends when they stopped hanging out, the easy back and forth humor between them almost nonexistent now.  It was early enough in the morning that the pair walked in silence without many other agents around until Steve broke it.

“I know I don’t have any room to say this, but Bucky’s a good guy.  Begged me to find another way so you wouldn’t have to see him, tried to back out of the mission, he feels like shit about this and he wants to apologize to you.”

Blaire already knew where this was going, “and you’re the buffer?”

“His therapist suggested it.  Dr. Raynor.”

That wasn’t something she expected.  Therapy was a good sign, taking the therapist’s advice an even better one.  Blaire wasn’t stupid she knew that Barnes was under the influence of years of systematic abuse when he attacked her, practically brainwashed and nearly physically impossible for him to defy an order.  He was a victim too.  That’s what made being angry at him still so hard.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Steve opening the door to the conference room to see Barnes pacing.  The hair was shorter and the arm was new, but his body had the same heavy muscle and wide stance.  She found that she couldn’t look at him when they finally made eye contact, not directly anyway.  Focusing instead on the zipper of his gear or scruff on his chin.

He’s handsome.  Why the fuck does he have to be handsome? It wasn’t fair.  None of this was fair.  The world was playing some kind of fucked up joke for her to still be attracted to him.  That wasn’t new of course; she found him attractive since she first saw the winter soldier in photos and videos from the attack on Fury in Pierce’s office.  She had been standing there staring at the holograms when Pierce made an offhand remark about it, teasing her for her flushed cheeks.  Now that she knew he was the one who ordered the attack the memory made her boil with shame.

“Agent Briar.”  At least he was trying to be polite.

“Sergeant Barnes.”

“I-” he stopped, his adam’s apple bobbing with anxiety as he swallowed. “I am no longer The Winter Soldier, I am James Buchanan Barnes and you’re part of my effort to make amends-”

“Your therapist knows how to write a good script.”  Blaire interrupted.

Steve didn’t make a move to intervene and stayed off to the side sipping a coffee and watching.

“Look, I know that you were not in control of yourself when it happened and because of that you are also a victim in the situation,” she said it slowly trying to sound reasonable, “There isn’t a lot that you can apologize for.  Pierce is the one who owes me that and he’s been dead for a few years now so I doubt I’ll be getting it anytime soon.”

“Thank you for understanding, not a lot of people do, but I still have to tell you how sorry I am for the pain that I caused you.  I want to try to make things right or as right as they can be.”

“If you really want that then you’ll interact with me as little as possible.  Please understand that it’s not personal.  I just can’t fucking look at you.”

Barnes nodded quickly, the words cut him to the core in a way he had never experienced.  Yet he still apologized, still at least tried to make amends with Blaire and despite her blunt reaction he hoped Dr. Raynor would consider it a success.

“Yeah, of course.  I can do that.” 

Bucky thought he was doing a good job with it so far too.  He stayed in the flank of the group during the mission and got to see her work after she was able to duplicate an energy reading and get through to the bunker.  Three Hydra agents crumpled to the floor as soon as they rounded a corner to stop their progress, Briar released the pent up energy she absorbed from them at the next group they came across.  Leaving their bodies broken and bloody in a heap against a wall.  

“Hey, Cap why the hell did you drag me outta bed on a Saturday?  Looks to me like Miss Atom Bomb here’s got it covered.” 

“Miss Atom Bomb sounds like way too pretty of a hero name for me, Sam.”  She laughed tossing a smile back at the Falcon, “guys on the Strike team just used to call me Leech.”

“Those guys were assholes.”

“Ya, they were pretty awful most of the time.  M’not gonna be able to keep it up much longer though, I fill up on too much and I burn out quick.  I got a few more bursts in me before I start seeing doubles.”

The bunker ended up being an intel goldmine opening up several leads for the team to follow in their mission to eradicate Hydra once and for all.  Being part of that kind of adrenaline high in person had made Blaire even more dizzy than her burn out, no wonder field agents dreaded being behind a desk.  It wasn’t until they were strapped back in the plane with the sun rising that she was beginning to feel that same dread.  She was dirty and tired but helped more in this mission than she had almost her entire time in Communications.

“How ya feelin’, Briar?”

“Like shit, Romanoff.  How about you?”

Natasha laughed and handed her a rations bar, “good to see you out in the field.  Started feeling like the boy’s club for awhile.”

“How on Earth will you cope with my loss come Monday?”

“A quick word with Coulson and I won’t have to cope with anything.”  She offered.  Producing another rations bar from her pocket like a bribe.

“Nat, I can’t.  Look at me, I’m not fit for field work-”

“You just obliterated more than 50 guys in that bunker and I’ve seen your hand to hand combat, it’s not bad.”

“Ya but I’m about to fucking pass out now.  I mean- it’s complicated.”

The assassin stretched out and settled in next to Blaire trying to think of a way to talk her into it.  Wanda and Vision were off trying to live the domesticality that Tony now had, leaving their team bare bones.  There was no telling when or if Thor would show back up from trying to fix shit back home, they were missing a super and Blaire seemed the best fit.

“You wanna be in communication so bad then why don’t you be our guardian angel when we don’t absolutely need you in the field?  It would get you out of that cubicle more often anyway, sure we could talk Coulson into a pay raise too.  Plus you’ll get to listen to my voice and boss Steve around, what more could you want?”

“You’ve operated without a guide in HQ for so long.  No one’s gonna buy it.”

“They will if Golden Boy and Wings asks.”

Blaire took the second ration bar and rolled her eyes, “I’ll think about it.”

She ended up taking it of course once Nat wanted something she almost always got it, Blaire sure as shit wasn’t going to tell her no.  For the most part it started out really well with the exception of a few hiccups in finding her place on the field when it came to real action.  Off the field was a different story- Blaire knew how to operate a team in a way that both got the job done safely and felt like borderline workplace violence at the same time.  Bucky tended to be the target for the latter on most missions.

“You don’t listen!  Jesus fucking christ I am going to buy a goddamn adult tether backpack for you!  And ya know who’s gonna have to hold the leash?  Wilson!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa don’t drag me into this.  I’m doin’ my job.”

Bucky wanted to dig out the earpiece and throw it, “I still took care of it, didn’t I?”

“You fight like you have handlers still, Barnes.  News flash, you don’t!  I’m the one who has to file all the paperwork when you go off course on your own and cause mayhem and destruction like its the fucking Winter Soldier Show.”

All Bucky did was ignore her suggestion to not engage with the hostiles ahead until Natasha and Steve followed suit.  There were only three guys from what he could see and a hostage was waiting for them with time running out so he did what he thought was best.  There ended up being six instead of three and the hostage received a minor injury when he wasn’t able to get to them fast enough.

“Well, it’s over and done with now so could you just shut up?”

Everyone on the line went dead silent for a few seconds.

“Quinjet is waiting at the extraction point for pick up.  Good job team, we look forward to your safe return to the hanger.  Briar signing off.”  Came the calm check out.

Sam landed next to Bucky with a satisfied chuckle, “oh you fucked up big time, buddy.”

“I hate you.”

She wasn’t waiting for them like she usually did when they landed, coming in a few minutes later with a small med team in tow to look over injuries.  Barnes waved off the attempts to dab blood off of his brow where he caught a stray punch and focused on getting his gear off.  Blaire wasn’t about to let him off the hook just yet, still too blinded by her rage to consider letting them both cool off before talking.

“That’s the third time you ignored me when I told you not to run blindly into enemy fire.  What’s your problem, Barnes?”

“I’m not the one with a problem.”

“Are you kidding?  It’s like you do this shit on purpose just to piss me off.”

“I do!”  He yelled, turning around to make eye contact with her.  “The only time you ever acknowledge me is when I get you riled up.”

“Oh, you poor baby do I not pay enough attention to you so you feel like you gotta act out?”

Bucky dropped the rest of his gear and started towards her, already feeling his energy dropping with each step from her defense.  He didn’t let it show and only stopped when he was in front of her.

“You’re the one with the problem here.  How am I supposed to fix this when you won’t talk to me?  You won’t even look at me dammit!  I’m the only one making an effort and I can’t let go of it if you won’t.”

Their voices boomed in the near empty hanger as Steve was making his way over to break it up after releasing the rescued hostage over to medical, fearing that he may be too late to salvage their already rocky relationship.

“What do you want, huh?  You wanna hit me?  Go on doll, take a shot and get it out of your system.”  Bucky continued leaning down to her height tauntingly.

“Maybe I do.”

“Great, let’s go.”

“I don’t think this is a good idea-”  Rogers started.

“Stay out of it, Steve!”  They shouted in near unison before Blaire turned on her heel and began speed walking to the exit with Bucky right behind her.

The night air was shockingly cold against their flushed skin and it made Bucky think a little more clearly as the door slammed shut behind him.  Only when he went to say something Blaire caught him by surprise with a haymaker to his cheek.  Her punch held more power than he would have thought, momentarily knocking him off balance enough for Blaire to ram him.  The impact of their bodies knocked both down to the wet grass as they struggled until she was on top raining half pulled punches down that she didn’t follow through with.  Her hits fueled by emotion slowly got weaker and weaker until she slid off of him sobbing. 

“I didn’t get mandated therapy.  I lost my dignity and my job and my will to live in the span of a fucking week.”  She choked out, nails digging into the artificial turf. “Then everyone found out it was Pierce that put out the hit and all that footage was just uploaded to the Hydra file.  Oh don’t worry Blaire it’s classified it’s so classified but no we can’t delete it or anything sorry.  I can get into it, I can see that file and I only have level green clearance.  It’s just sitting there for anyone to look at it.  My coworkers, bosses, the fuckin’ guys in coding.  They can just type in credentials and watch me get raped.”

This must have been what Dr. Raynor meant by coming to terms.  Pulling everything ugly out to the open so they didn’t have to dance around it any longer.

He looked strange without any of the guns and knives strapped to him, but it was still The Winter Soldier.  Blaire knew that in an instant from the face mask strapped to him like a muzzle and the silver arm shining against his black modified jacket.  She was frozen. Never in her life had she experienced Freeze instead of Fight, but then again she couldn’t remember the last time she was this scared.  Thoughts ticked off in rapid fire until Tikki jumped up on the counter with a hiss breaking the spell.  She threw the take out bowl of hot matzo ball soup that he easily dodged and turned around to feel under sink for the gun only to find it gone.  A hand clamped something down on the back of her neck, his metal one coming down around her mouth like a vice when she yelled out for help.

“Any of your neighbors try to help they die.”

No, that wasn’t right. He sounded local, like he was from New York.  That wasn’t possible.  The metal crushing her jaw came off when she threw her elbow back with full force catching his ribs.  It came darting back out immediately and shoved her to the kitchen floor on her stomach, his heavy weight on her lower back and ass was crushing as he straddled her.

“Fuck off!  Better kill me because I’m not saying shit about anything.”  She growled trying to buck him off.

There was no answer only his body going still like he wasn’t sure of the next move himself.  Then the weight was gone and for a second Blaire thought that maybe she could get away or at least get to her phone on the counter and send a message to Shield.  It was when she tried crawling away that she felt his fingers hook into her shorts and jerk them down.

“No!”  More panic now than before.  The prospect of death was always looming over her working where she did, but not this.  Please anything but this.

With the shorts off she was rolled to her back as he straddle her hips, his hands trying to catch her wrists again while she fought.  Nails raked down his face and neck, leaving rivets of red and tearing off his mask as they went.  When Blaire caught sight of his face she knew it was over.  There was no emotion there, just a slack jaw and blown out pupils.  He was going through the motions like someone was telling him what to do, a machine being controlled by someone else.  When the soldier did catch her wrists and pin them down with his metal hand he went still again, staring down at her as blood dripped off his face.

“I don’t wanna do this.”  He suddenly announced maybe to her or to no one.

“You don’t have to!  Just leave, just get up and leave.  It’s not too late.”

She could hear the faint static buzz of someone screaming from his earpiece and then the slack look was back and her thighs were being kneed open.  It was happening so fast and Blaire found herself completely powerless, he had done something to her to stop her energy absorption and without that she was just some intern with a little gun training.  No amount of fight, of pleading, would help her now.  Somehow that was more terrifying than anything else.

“Stop it! Get off me, get off!  I’ll fucking kill you!” 

The threats sizzled out into broken shrieks as he thrust into her hard enough to hurt both of them with no prep.  Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes from the pain and violation, droplets of his blood now falling faster onto her as he moved.  Blaire tried catching his hip with her heel to get him off and keep fighting but the metal squeezed her wrists tighter in warning til they gave way with a crunch, his pace never slowing and only growing sloppier.  The pain was too much for her to even scream for help, not that she’d want to.  Didn’t need poor Miss Hoffman coming in here waving her cane to the rescue only to end up dead.

She looked past his blank face to stare at her kitchen ceiling focusing on the water mark in the corner she kept meaning to paint over.  His flesh hand came up to her face to cover and turn it away as if he didn’t want her looking at him.  The kitchen filled with the scent of soldier’s blood making her mouth taste like pennies.  Droplets of it felt like scalding water as it fell on her check and neck.  How long would it take to scrub his scent off?   Her body couldn’t seem to adjust fast enough to allow her any relief but by the grace of whatever cruel god watched the display his hips stuttered and stopped.  A sob bubbled up from the sensation- too hot and too full, seeping out of her before he even pulled out.

There was always a point in his missions where the targets gave in and stopped fighting.  He watched that happen with this one after he stood.  Watched her curl in on herself as she laid there crying with his cum dripping out of her and down the back of her thighs.  Then he was back to her bedroom window without retrieving his mask or the blocking device, no longer listening to whatever was coming through the earpiece.  Mind going absolutely haywire and telling him he just needed to get out.

“I’m sorry, Blaire.  I didn’t know.”  Bucky sat up with his own chest beginning to tighten at what she was telling him, it made him sick.

She cried harder and shook her head, “it’s not your fault, Barnes.  No matter how much I want it to be so I wouldn’t feel so shitty for hating you.  It’s not your fault.”

Without thinking Bucky leaned over and wrapped an arm around Blaire pulling her to his chest.  She tensed at first but relaxed and returned the hug when she felt him begin to shake too.  So they sat together on the wet turf and cried until Steve managed to herd them back inside thankful they hadn’t killed each other. 

Bucky kept a hand on Briar’s shoulder as they entered, “Are we good?”

“Ya, we’re good.”  She clapped him on the back and then punched his arm as an after thought, “but if you ever tell me to shut up during a mission again I’ll tell your therapist and make sure you have to go to sensitivity training.  This doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

“I’ll only get a rise out of you when I want you to yell at me then.”

He watched her roll her eyes and could have sworn he saw the corner of her mouth turn up into a smile.  That made him smile too and Bucky felt a new sense of ease.  Unsurprisingly at his next session with Dr. Raynor he found it easier to open up.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes/reader #Bucky Barnes #marvel #rape/non-con #assault #fanfiction #ao3 #eventual fluff #smut #trauma #ok so i havent posted anything on tumblr in a long time but I really wanted to post this #kinda way out of my comfort zone as far as topics since i dont usually write so much trauma #next part coming in a few days since it's already written

[nanami-says]

Part III (1/2): chapters 19-25

Vs. Mahito Arc

Chapter 19 (aka why this blog exists)

J:”Yeah, we know that. But we flatter her because she looks easy.”

⇒ ”And the three of them know it as well. But they flatter you exaggeratedly anyway because they think you’ll let them do you”

Actually Junpei’s lines.

J:”I can’t believe people like that go to my school.”

Not incorrect, I just want to point out that Junpei didn’t just say “people”, the word he used is “race” (人種）, which implies he doesn’t see them as the same kind of human he is.

J:”Was it that guy who did it? There’s no way a person could do that! If he did it, he must not be human.”

⇒ “Was it that person just now? No, would such a thing be even possible for a human being? And if it was, would they really be a ‘human being’?”

Overall correct but the flow was different. Mind you, 人 can be translated both as “person” and “human being” (among others) depending on the context. Imo this captures the nuance better but YMMV!

N:”I’m here to identify the truth and uphold the law. There was a time when I thought the society had the same goals”

⇒ ”Adapting to the facts [in front of you] and managing yourself accordingly. That’s who I am. There was a time where I mistakenly believed society operated on the same basis.”

This was really hard to translate, especially since the phrase Nanami uses here is rather formal language. I actually checked the official anime subtitles for this one and they went with “I adhere to the facts and judge on that basis”, which I guess is close enough? I’d probably go with it as well if not for the fact that he doesn’t just say 律する but 己を律する (己/onore = I/me in humble language).

Seems like the exact meaning of the phrase is difficult to understand even for Japanese people - there are whole articles out there breaking down the meaning and giving examples of how to implement it in life 8D Anyway, the simplest explanation is “to control yourself”, with further nuance of “enforcing rules on yourself in order to achieve a goal”, “restricting your desires and impulses by your own will” etc.

Thanks a lot, Gege.

Btw, Ino, who respects Nanami greatly and considers him a mentor, actually uses the same phrase, word for word, in ch. 95! (事実に即し、己を律する) That’s how important it is. Also, continuity!

Y:”Let’s do it!”

N:”There’s no need to get excited”

⇒ Y:“Let’s go all out!!”

 N:”No, if moderate’s enough, let’s just do it moderately”

They both used descriptors for just what kind of intensity they should approach the mission with. Imo, an important distinction because after they learn the full extent of the situation, Nanami takes back his words from this moment and agrees with Yuuji, going as far as to use the same words Yuuji did here.

N:”I wonder what others would think hearing you say that”

⇒ “I’m sure the others wouldn’t want to hear that from you [of all people]”

So not so much “don’t be rude” as “dude, you’re the weirdest of them all”. Emphasis mine.

N:”What I learned at Jujutsu High is that jujutsu sorcerers are idiots” 

& “What I realized while at the office is that work is idiotic”

He actually says “shit” both times lol. If it was just the humour that suffered here, it still wouldn’t be too awful but unfortunately it’s not just that. The “sorcerers are shit” line gets recalled when Nanami’s facing death, trapped in Mahito’s domain, which makes it pretty damn important. It gets translated yet differently by the official release then, too, which further damages continuity I believe Gege intended for this.

”So I took the lesser of two evils. Nothing more, nothing less”

⇒ “If both are shit, then I just chose the one I’m more cut out for. That’s all as far as the reason for my coming back is concerned.”

I mean, if we realllllly insist on watering down everything that Nanami says (as JJK translators apparently did), then the basic meaning was conveyed but the original wording and nuance was closer to what I proposed.

N:”Prove to me that you can be useful in spite of the demon Sukuna inside of you”

⇒ “Give your best to prove that you’re useful despite carrying the bomb that Sukuna is.”

Considering how 2 pages later Nanami tells Yuuji that he’s not the one Yuuji should be proving himself to, it’d have been weird if this is actually what he’d said, wouldn’t it. But Nanami’s nothing if not reasonable, so that wasn’t the case.

Y:”I’m weak and useless. I’ve been hearing a lot of that these days”

⇒ “That I’m weak and useless... I’ve been realising that to a painful extent these days”

“I’ve been hearing it” would imply that someone was actually saying it either to Yuuji himself or to others which he was aware of. (I mean, other than Sukuna.) The original wording doesn’t really hold such connotation.

N:”If you think you’re in trouble, let me know”

Y:”Have some faith in me, will ya? Just a little.”

N:”It’s not about faith.(...)”

Y:”A child? I’d rather be underestimated”.

⇒ N:“If you decide you cannot win, please call me.”

Y:”Aren’t you underestimating me too much?”

N:”This is not about ‘underestimating’ or ‘not underestimating’.(...)

Y:”[Even] being underestimated would’ve been better over being treated like a kid.”

I guess the translators wanted to avoid saying “underestimate” 3 times in a row? Albeit that’s what the original does.

More importantly though!!

N:”I’m an adult and you’re a child. I have the obligation to look after you”

⇒ “(...) It’s my obligation to prioritise you over myself.”

Quite a different nuance, right. Not just “I have to look after you” but “your well-being [life] takes priority over my own”.

N:”Experiencing these little losses is what helps people grow into adults”

⇒ “It’s the accumulation of such small despairs that turns people into adults”

Not that wildly different but despairs (hopelessnesses) >>> losses, y/y. Also “helps” made it sound more positive when it’s both a poignant and at the same time dry statement.

Chapter 20

N:”There are techniques that aren’t affected if revealed to certain enemies”

Those two feel more like separate examples to me. I.e. that there are techniques that aren’t affected if revealed, and there are some enemies that you can afford to reveal your technique to. Could apply simultaneously but don’t necessarily have to, if that makes sense?

“There is a merit to revealing one’s hand and the rules it initiates. You can make your technique even more effective.”

⇒ “It has its merits too. The ‘binding’ of ‘revealing one’s hand’ amplifies the effectiveness of your technique.”

Wild lost “binding” appears! Like I indicated before, it’s the lack of consistency to translating terms that are consistent in the original, that has negatively affected the fans’ ability to understand the basics of jjk techniques and world-building.

[Explaining Yuuji’s divergent fist]

GJ:”But it’s a lot easier said than done for anyone else.”

⇒ “It’s not something that can be easily done on purpose”

N:”His physical strength is superhuman. The impact of his hit doesn’t have incredibly strong energy, but it’s still about 20% more than a normal sorcerer. That means his delayed hit comes from his main source of cursed energy. It must be quite annoying for those on the receiving end. Such potential. If he’s able to go out all and combine his full physical strength with a cursed technique…”

⇒ “(...) The initial impact contains little cursed energy but it still achieves 120% of an average sorcerer. And then the actual cursed energy hits with a delay. For those on the receiving end it must be more unpleasant than one could imagine. And he’s got potential for growth, too. If he becomes able to add 100% of cursed energy to a 100% body…”

Uhh, this was a tricky one because on the first read it doesn’t seem that terribly wrong but when you read the original carefully, you realise this and that got lost in translation. My version should be closer to the original meaning.

I:”We’re going to have to ask the murderer about the technique”

⇒ “That’s just something that you can’t know unless you ask the offender about their technique”

Obviously Ieiri wasn’t suggesting to literally ask the murderer.

“However there’s evidence the brain stems were modified. Their consciousness were also modified to create a state of confusion”

⇒ (...) This was probably done to create a disturbance of consciousness... a state of mental confusion”

Slightly different nuance for this one.

Y:”For me, the gravity of death is the same regardless. This isn’t right!”

First sentence is mostly correct but it should’ve been “the gravity of death of another person” (emphasis mine).

Second sentence sounds too mild for what is actually Yuuji being super mad specifically about the way those people were killed? The phrase he uses means something like "This is just in way too poor taste”, “way too vulgar” etc. I guess if you went for a less literal translation, you could say “just too disgusting”/”revolting”.

N:”This matter won’t be taken care of so easily. Let’s do it”

⇒ “Looks like ‘moderately’ won’t be enough here. Let’s go all out.”

This is the instance of Nanami retracting his words and backing Yuuji up by borrowing his own words that I mentioned earlier!

M:”Jujutsu sorcerers brand such entities as “special grade potential spirits” and fear them as much as powerful curses. The fact that they categorize them as such really shows their shallowness”

⇒ “Jujutsu sorcerers register them as “special grade potential apparitions” and remain on alert against them [on alert for their appearance]. The same applies to powerful unidentified curses. That they categorise them as ‘potential apparitions’ just shows how little they truly see.”

It’s not that sorcerers fear them per se but that they (most likely) monitor them and are on guard against them. When followed up by the “what people truly genuinely fear are natural disasters [forces of nature]” conversation, it becomes clear that what Mahito scorns sorcerers for is their short-sightedness for thinking all powerful curses must be born out of people’s imagination, ~urban legends~ etc.

[Junpei asking what Mahito was born from]

M:”Thanks to the hatred spewed between people I was born”

⇒ “I’m a curse born out of the fear and hatred people harbour towards [other] people"

or even

“I’m a curse born out of people hating and fearing people”

Again a quite different nuance. They really shouldn’t have edited “fear” out.

Chapter 21

J:’Don’t you think that whoever first said, ‘The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference’ must be rotting in hell? There’s no way hating people is better than feeling indifferent towards them.”

⇒ “(...) There’s no way that approaching others with evil intentions is better than not interacting [with them] at all”

The first sentence is mostly fine although the original doesn’t include the “is not hate” bit, it only says “the opposite of love is indifference”. The second part is quite different. After all, hating doesn’t necessarily imply there’s any action taken.

“Complicating simple things for the sake of meaning is such a Japanese thing to do”

⇒ “Japanese sure love it - complicating simple answers and gloating in it”

I didn’t like the “for the sake of meaning” bit, imo it’s over-interpreting.

J:”Indifference. That’s what humans should strive for.”

M:”Sounds more like revenge”

J:“Are you saying that I got it all mixed up?”

Junpei’s first line here is fine although interestingly enough he puts it as “a virtue humans should strive for”. Then it’s

⇒ M:“And yet you wish for revenge”

J:”Are you trying to say I’m contradicting myself?”

M:”In this world, only I understand the soul’s composition. I can even transmogrify living beings. Emotions come from the soul. It’s too simplistic to call it ‘heart’. People overthink the things they can’t see. (...)”

⇒ “In this world I’m the only one who understands the soul’s composition. After all, I change the shape of living beings by touching it. Emotions are products of the metabolism of the soul. It’s altogether too mechanical [of a process] to call it a heart. People assign too much value to things invisible to the eye.(...)”

Last one is literally “consider ‘special’ way too much”, simpler wording than what I went with but I tried to make it more legible.

The “metabolism of the soul” phrase is especially vital because Junpei throws it at Yuuji almost word for word when confronted by him at the school after his mother’s death.

More philosophy lessons from Mahito-sensei \o/

“Don’t limit yourself to just being indifferent. There’s no reason to live by such a restricting philosophy.”

⇒ “Don’t allow yourself to be shackled by the ideal called ‘indifference’. There’s no need for there to be consistency in one’s way of life.”

Mahito actually takes the “is ‘consistency’ necessary” stance a few times in the manga, including when he and Getou squabble about the relationship between the body and the soul in Shibuya. A pity about the mistranslation here.

“I support everything you represent, Junpei”

⇒ “I’ll affirm your everything, Junpei”

Imo the act of supporting and the act of affirming while similar aren’t one and the same, hence the change.

N:”Either come alone, or risk bringing Itadori with me. I chose the former, nothing more. He’s still a child, after all.”

⇒ “The risk of venturing [into the enemy’s territory] alone, or the risk of bringing Itadori-kun with me. I simply chose the former. He’s still a child, after all.”

Idk, I feel like cutting out “the risk” from the first option makes Nanami sound more callous? Like Yuuji’s a liability and going by himself is a sounder option. Whereas, it was actually him weighing two risks against each other and deciding that potentially endangering Yuuji is the one he can afford less.

[After Yuuji asks why he doesn’t know important jujutsu related stuff.]

I:”Because Gojou’s your mentor.” ⇒ “it’s because Gojou’s ...”

He actually uses a lovely adjective to describe Gojou, which can mean a plethora of things, including: irresponsible, sloppy, lazy, unreliable, careless, perfunctory etc. etc.

Ichiji? Not a member of Gojou Satoru Fanclub.

Y:”This feels like a bad plan”

⇒ “This feels so staged, I don’t like it.”

Lit. “play [perform, read] one's own work”. I think what Yuuji might’ve meant here was that the plan felt dishonest? Second sentence could also be “I don’t feel up for it.”

Chapter 22

M:”Was that some kind of cursed technique?”

N:”What do you mean by ‘some kind’? I don’t appreciate questions that are left open to interpretation”

⇒ “(...) I hate abstract questions that put the whole burden on the other person”

Lit. “that leave it to others”. Other than Nanami being more straightforward with “hate”/”dislike”, I think this was him expressing he doesn’t like people who don’t even try to think for themselves and immediately demand answers from others instead.

“It would be silly to not assume a connection(...)”

⇒ “It would be more unnatural not to assume a connection(...)”

Different wording (unnatural instead of silly), which imo affects Nanami’s characterisation.

M:”The shape of the body will always be dependent on the shape of the soul”

This sounds a bit too passive and generic? Closer to “The shape of the body gets pulled along by the shape of the soul”, which is literally what Mahito’s technique does.

I’m heavily paraphrasing but!

magazine raw scans: ”it's 6:30 PM now and I started working at 11 AM, so I'm going to finish by 7PM no matter what”

official English release:”it's 5:30 PM now and I started at 10, gotta finish by 6”

The time change is so random, I wonder if Gege simply changed it themselves for the volume release. Maybe to bring it closer to the common office job times? Typical Japanese work day at the office begins at 9AM and lasts 8h + 1h break (completely unpaid but compulsory). I guess if Nanami skipped the break then working 10AM-6PM would make it exactly 8h?

The biggest mystery of jjk.

Chapter 23

M:”Even if sorcerers can protect their bodies using cursed energy, they can’t protect their souls”

⇒ “Even if sorcerers can protect their bodies using cursed energy, they [just] aren’t used to protecting their souls”.

So it’s not that they “can’t” as in “are incapable of” and more that there’s never been the need, so they never learned how and aren’t used to doing it. As proven by Yuuji later it’s not impossible.

M:”Overtime? He restricts himself based on time! He was limiting his power until now!”

⇒ “Overtime work? A ‘biding’ based on time! He was suppressing his power by himself until now!”

Another instance where “binding” as a term makes its appearance (it even uses quotation marks) but wasn’t properly denoted by the translators.

M:”A large-scale attack, and he doesn’t care if he gets hit while doing it!”

⇒ “A large-scale attack [done] with the resolve of [potentially] getting killed along with me!”.

The phrase Mahito uses here is 相打ち, lit. “killing [hitting] each other at the same time”. Also, “doesn’t care” and “is prepared/has the resolve” are quite different, aren’t they.

Chapter 24

J:”The way a perfectionist is willing to lay everything out there is beautifully portrayed”

⇒ ”The change in emotions [leading up] to a perfectionist abandoning everything is properly portrayed here”

I’m including this because knowing Gege, it’s not just simple movie talk, and it’s actually foreshadowing Yuuji’s future fate or something 8D

I can’t decide if it’s “abandon” (also “throw out of the window”) or “sacrifice” because the word used can mean either. I’m leaving that to everyone’s interpretation.

“Like I thought, that sorcerer’s nuts!”

⇒ “He doesn’t look it but he sure does reckless things, that sorcerer”

How does "he doesn't look it but (...)" even become "like I thought (...)"? He was laughing at and enjoying the contrast between Nanami's appearance/attitude and his actions/fighting.

M:”My cursed energy is also controlled by my will”

⇒ “The spending of cursed energy too is among things I can supply by myself.”

I’m not entirely sure because it’s a tricky one, so take this one with a grain of salt. But the official release is definitely missing “spending/expenditure” and Mahito isn’t talking about using/manipulating his cursed energy in general but “the amount of cursed energy spent”.

“Mr. Irresponsible Gojou” ⇒  “Devil-may-care Gojou-san”

“Mr. Mature Nanami” ⇒ “The adult of [all] adults Nanami-san”/”the adult above all adults”

I just really enjoy Ichiji and his little epithets, I guess.

J:”Have you ever killed anyone?”

⇒ “Have you ever killed a human being/another human?”

Just putting it out there because imo there's a distinction between “anyone” and “a human being”. Especially considering how much of this arc was questioning what being a human means.

Y:”Um… I mean, the choice to kill will definitely find its way to me”

⇒ "How to put it... once I've killed someone, "killing" would become one of the possible options [to take] in my life".

Maybe the nuance was there in the official release too and I just didn't pick up on it but to me the former makes it sound more like he’s saying "I may still have to kill one day". Whereas the original seems to hold the connotation that if you do something once - even if it’s something as horrible as killing another human being - it becomes easier to do it again in the future because it's a choice you've made before, it's not untouchable anymore.

Chapter 25

[Yuuji expressing his regret over Nanami choosing to go fight Mahito alone.]

"Am I in your way, Nanamin?”

⇒ “Am I a burden [to you], Nanamin?”

A different nuance for this line.

“’My friend died but I wasn’t there because I’m a child.’ I wouldn't do that to you. That said"

⇒ "’My comrade died. But I wasn’t there. Why? Because I am a child.’ I would hate something like that" [to be put in such a position]

And this is just pure mistranslation. The whole “my comrade died but I wasn’t there because I’m a child” line is actually Yuuji painting a possible scenario (he does it with short sentences but the speech is overall polite). What they translated as “that said” was actually a follow-up to that scenario and could be translated as “something like that”.

N:”Being a child is not a bad thing”

⇒ “Being a child is in no way a crime”

I wanted to point this out since the original word’s most common meaning is actually “sin”, which is significantly heavier than just “not a bad thing”. Could also go with a milder “is not something to feel guilty about” here I guess.

G:”How’s the curtain coming along?”

M:”Can’t get in, can get out. This only applies to humans with weak cursed energy.”

⇒ G:”What’s the effect of the ‘curtain’?”

M:“Can't get out from the inside, can get in from the outside. (...)”

Literally the opposite for the curtain’s effect. Emphasis is Gege’s, too! Also Getou’s question was actually about how exactly the curtain in question would work, and not just how it was coming along.

M:”We’ll make them fight and force Yuji Itadori to make a binding vow in Sukuna’s favor”

Just to reiterate, whenever “binding vow” appears, it’s actually just “binding”.

[to part iii (2/2)]

[to part iii (2/2)]

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsukaisen #jjktranslation #jjk translation

[c0smicheaux]

Twelfth House In The Signs

Aries-

When the twelfth house is set in the sign of Aries, it is almost always a sign that problems with healthy boundaries will be present in a person’s life. Others will intrude in their world as if they had no membranes to recognize and defend themselves from those who steal their energy. In time, they will have to “remember” what it was like to follow the passion within, fight for their rights , yell at others if that is what the moments asks for, and be true about everything that is on their mind. While Aries would like to have a certain goal and aim all its energy towards it, this energy seems to get bent here only to end up in a strange subconscious state where it is neither manifested nor used. This is a position that speaks of a past life that ended in aggression, in the army or from fire weapons, sharp objects, and most often “before one’s time.”

Taurus-

If the twelfth house is in the sign of Taurus, the mystery of the material world can remain a hidden for years, as well as hedonism and the chase for satisfaction in this material world. This is a position typical for those who have never felt real pleasure, and everyone with secret sexual encounters, or at least those who have the need to eat hidden from everyone else. Spirituality and real talents fall into the sign ruled by Venus, meaning creativity and inspiration come as a given, but only once they are discovered and approached studiously. True intimacy is found in secret bonds, and warmth will have to be built in solitude, realizing at first just how much we are worth and only later starting to search for someone who will recognize this. If one wants to make their dreams come true, this position is perfect, for it brings the Earth into our personal dreamland, making everything we imagine possible.

Gemini-

The twelfth house in Gemini isn’t very easy because of its Piscean nature and everything it has to do with emotion as an entity entirely apart from rational thought. Speech can be impaired, while those with lower self-esteem easily turn to gossip and matters that aren’t theirs to discuss to begin with. This is also a position that could give a wonderful talent for languages, words and writing. It is a shame to use it on other people and spend too much time thinking of their business, abilities and weaknesses. Those born with the twelfth house in Gemini must have ended their past life with a vast desire to speak their mind, share their inner truth, and express their personality in some way. Ties that get created here will manifest through strange friendships and their relationships with children, but most of the time, they will manifest through difficulties in their mind they cannot fully explain.

Cancer-

With the twelfth house in the sign of Cancer, you can see a family secret instantly, as well as the tendency to idealize one or both of the parents. This is a burden of an entire family tree and a mark that debts were left in spheres of the emotional and the fragile within. Strange matters are hiding in the twelfth house and when Cancer is here, you can see these strange matters in one’s home and intimate relationships. Depending on a very personal position of the Moon, we will see how well incorporated this can be in their everyday life and if disappointment is their family story or not. The emphasis on sensitive emotion is also seen here, and we will come to find that the twelfth house cusp in any Water sign gives one the ability to feel what others feel, often being unable to recognize where one person ends and their emotional body begins.

Leo-

When the twelfth house begins in Leo, the personality itself seems to be strange, sensitive, and unknown. These individuals will have to learn about their power and their inner truth, while they remain in the blurry waters hidden from plain sight. This is often a signal that previous life carried a story of success, and image that was maintained and remained important to the person until they died. It can be extremely rewarding if unconscious memories of it are pleasant and bring confidence and peace. However, if there was any dishonesty in their approach once upon a time, this will be the life to rectify it, accept the flaws in others, those we don’t want to see and don’t want to show, and find brothers and sisters in crime finally set free from self-criticism. Since the clear image of one’s Self is blurry, overall good of the mankind will be important to these people, as well as humanitarian efforts they often turn to at some point in their lives.

Virgo-

If the twelfth house is in Virgo, we can almost imagine the mechanism in a person’s mind making them seem stupid when they want to show how smart they are, and incredibly intelligent at the most unpredictable situations. They will rely on their brains while practical matters will keep some of their mystery at all times. Ties created here will have to do with old, used things, those that can or cannot be fixed. That halfway principle of Virgo can be quite difficult when we speak of someone’s twelfth house, for dreams tend to get crushed by reality, sensitivity by common sense, and vice versa. If a person with the twelfth house in Virgo wants to find happiness, they have to realize where their true talent lies, so they can use it and share it with the world. Very often their talents will be found in writing, detailed analysis or communication with the strangest of beings here on planet Earth.

Libra-

With the twelfth house in Libra it seems inevitable to lie or be lied to, and usually both. Still, if we put this aside, we can see the magical story of Libra in this mysterious house and realize that someone we once left behind is there for us to find them again in this life. Things that were lost in our twelfth house have a tendency to show themselves someday. This goes specifically for great loves, and with strongly set Venus, even greater loving relationships. If Venus is not that strong in this kind of horoscope, the obvious debt has to be repaid through emotional sacrifice of some kind. In most cases, this will develop through a romantic relationship in which the trust has been broken, finally liberating the person from unrealistic expectations. This is always someone talented to recognize beauty, often artistic and with a knack for drawing or music. However, they have to be very careful not to disrespect people around them in any way so that their personality has room to grow.

Scorpio-

The twelfth house in Scorpio is an interesting place. Something as taboo and as hidden as Scorpio rarely finds an appropriate secretive hideout, but this position allows them to. The most unfortunate thing here lies in one’s ability to bury their own feelings, doings, or aspirations, finally ending up without any awareness of their true inner light. This is the sign that speaks of our shadows and everything we want to bury and dismiss along the way, and when it is set in such a secretive house, shoving things under the rug becomes a routine. This can make these people explode in numerous ways, ending up in strange circumstances, weird conversations, interventions, institutions or even jail. To see the magic in Scorpio this person has to be truly and deeply open-minded, fully willing to accept the most devastating, darkest and most dangerous emotions they carry within.

Sagittarius- 

When the twelfth house is set in Sagittarius, we usually see someone who has no idea where they are going. Being lost seems to be the congenital disease in these people and they have no way of knowing where they want to end up. Ties were made to the most distant of places, and past life regression could help them discover where they have lived and what makes them lose their place and their hopes. Beliefs have to be examined, as well as their religion views. Blessings will come from the most unexpected people and places, and although there are a lot of secrets to be expected in lives of others, these individuals are able to sense anyone’s goodness of heart from miles away. This is a very strong position for spiritual work and meditation, but if they don’t get enough sleep, they risk their entire life passing them by.

Capricorn-

With the twelfth house in Capricorn, there is no knowing which responsibility falls under whose jurisdiction. The difficulty of this setting hides in the inability to see that a strong foundation makes all the work, and while good ideas can come a long way, they aren’t easily materialized if hard work isn’t put in. Even though it might not seem like it, this is one of the most demanding positions in the twelfth house, for it speaks of karmic ties and our strong, physical connection to past life experiences. Strange things will manifest as circumstances that are hard to avoid or overcome, with many obstacles standing in one’s way towards liberation. If Saturn is strong in a person’s chart, there will be a sense of security, wisdom and unconscious power in doing the right thing, and that will become a wind in their sails and open them up for real inner experience of faith.

Aquarius-

The twelfth house in Aquarius speaks of a stressful death that happened in our past life. This is a place of stress and strange mental orientation, pulling strongly with its humane gravity and the unconscious need to set free, set apart from everyone else, and sink into all natural oppositions as if there was no other way. Mending the differences and finding middle ground seems distant and impossible to these individuals, as if they had a talent for true friendship, but lack of awareness for those who don’t fall into this category. They need to learn to be humane, so charity work will come in handy, especially if they are the secret benefactor nobody knows about. Their eccentricity will make them happy but in secret and in silence, with as little words said as possible. Even though they might be on the mission of solitude, they are often calmed by the peace of their marriage and relationships that represent a good basis for their personality rather than making them feel at home.

Pisces-

If the twelfth house is set in the sign of Pisces, all secrets will be sunk even deeper than in other cases. This practically means that all digging through subconscious matter will have to be thorough and results will seem more distant than those others tend to dig up. Usually, these individuals tend to look forwards, fully unaware of their dependencies and ties to the mysteries of their distant past. They will live their lives unaware of their own inner faith, needing healthy sleeping routine in order to stay in a calm and peaceful state. In many cases, these people will sleep every day for eight hours, avoiding late nights out or losing sleep over any burning issues at hand. They understand that the night is not to be messed with and hide from their own family in plain daylight. With true faith in the background, it would be good to raise awareness about their talents and their true life within, however scary that might seem.

Source;Astrology-Zodiac-Signsdotcom

#Astrology #Astrology Facts #Astrology Posts #Astrology House #house astrology #houses in the signs #twelfth house #astrology post #astrology fact

[luciensfox]

ACOSF Thoughts...

Don’t read unless you wish to be spoiled! Here are some things I can’t get out of my head after finishing the book...

Well first and foremost, I absolutely adore Nessian (as I always have but now it’s even more so) and I’m incredibly pleased with the direction it seems that SJM is leading Nesta’s character development! I’ve always wanted a badass warrior Nesta and I got way more than I figured (short of her growing wings at any time as I think some Valkyrie myths depict, this is amazing/ especially with all of the parallels people drew with her and Enalius). She’s going to make for an interesting character in the coming books and dare I say...commander Nesta. Oh, yes.

Of course I’ve always been obsessed with Lucien and nothing has changed on that front, but I’m even more intrigued now because we still need so many answers. When will it be revealed that he’s the heir of the Day Court? What’s the standings between he and Tamlin? With Vassa and Jurian? With his mother/ brothers? His mate? We literally got only two or three scenes with Luc involved so I knew nothing would be resolved in this novella, however I’m even more excited to see how Eris will play into his character arc come the next story (because you cannot convince me that SJM would put more emphasis on Eris than Lucien in this book and not intend for some brotherly angst in the future). Eris is also an anomaly and maybe it’s because I’m obsessed with the mysterious nature of whatever the hell is happening in the Autumn Court, but I really can’t wait to see what’s up with him and the rest of his family. (Also....the ballroom scene with Nest and Eris dancing to what is supposed to reflect Black Swan was one of my absolute favorite scenes.) Does Eris secretly desire peace and wants to take over Autumn not for power but to make amends and heal/ bring back glory to his home? And what exactly happened with Mor? SJM put so much emphasis on that too and we still have no idea.

I LOVE Gwyneth and Emerie. The triad of Valkyries was honestly the best part of the whole book for me. I know everyone is quick to match up characters with potential romances/ mates etc and it sounds like that’s what will happen with these two...but let’s not forget that they’re incredibly strong characters on their own terms and I hope whatever comes about their arcs isn't entirely placed on their romance status. However, they both seem to want to find someone to be with which leads me to believe that Emerie and Mor will very likely end up together (if only for the fact that we got one sentences indicating Em finds Mor gorgeous....I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens) and that Gwyn is going to be a potential interest for Azriel. 

I love Lucien so much, but my soft fox boy needs to heal and stop forcing himself to find romantic love when all he really needs is some self love. (So perhaps that will be his final journey....Lucien finally coming to terms with his trauma, settling ties with everyone from his past, and taking up his mental as Helion’s son and the future of the Day Court.) 

Elain seemed a bit OOC...and yet not at all? We’ve only got the chance to see the “sweet/ innocent” side of her, but it makes sense that she’s going to be a super complex character (SJM wouldn't have set her up so mysteriously if the intent was to leave her as a mere gardener) and that her journey in following books will show us a side of her we’ve never encountered. The Elriel ship has always been a confusing one for me, not because I don’t ship it but because there’s so much happening all the time that it’s hard to get a proper read on clues when SJM throws characters like Gwyn at us...coupled with the fact that Lucien seems to still be in love with Elain (or at least he’s just lonely and doesn't know how else to react, never mind whatever is happening with Vassa and Jurian), and that Az seems intent on getting with Elain....but Az also seems to be the type of character who falls in love deeply without considering a number of things. He’s driven by his desires and often hurt by them, hence his love for Mor. Notice how shortly after he started drifting from his desire for Mor, he started to desire Elain? Part of me wonders if it’s because he found the person he’s meant to be with...or if he felt attracted to her and she was a distraction to his pain and a means to help him get over Mor. Like I said, I don’t know which way I lean just yet but these are all possibilities!

Then there’s the Gwynriel ship--totally didn’t see that coming but I can’t say I don’t enjoy it. I love how Gwyn teases Az in a way that many others usually don’t dare, and that she’s another character with a history outside of the IC. While there’s a lot to consider, like the fact that Az’s shadows shy away when Elain is around but “dance” and seem to be overjoyed when Gwyn is nearby, I think a truly noticeable parallel to the pairing could be this:

Azriel is no stranger to unrequited love. In fact, that seemed to be his overarching characteristic for the first two books. Now that he’s found Elain and she also reciprocates their shared desire, it would be easy to pair them together. However, Gwyn seems to be interested in Azriel and Az can’t seem to figure out his standings with her other than being enticed and not realizing what’s in front of him because he’s so determined to be with Elain since “she’s the third sister and he the third brother” etc so it must make sense somehow even though Elain is mated. But Gwyn, to that extent, is no stranger to unrequited love either. 

Just imagine: Azriel finally cracks in the following book and shows a rare display of emotions to either Gwyn or the IC (or both) and Gwyn decides to confront him about facing his fears (his past with Mor, his current standings with Elain, his desire to have someone) by claiming that she knows exactly what unrequited love feels like because every day she stares at him and feels precisely as devastated as he did/does whenever he sees Mor or Elain. Az will probably be shocked to all hell and maybe it’ll snap him out of his misery enough to think clearly on the whole matter.

The Rhysand and Nesta friendship was something else I wasn’t expecting, didn’t necessarily think I’d want, but now am excited to see bloom. They definitely do share traits and I can’t help but remember how Rhys once compared Feyre to Cassian and how Nesta and Rhys might be the opposite counterparts since they’re both haughty and respond to things with incredibly heightened emotions because they love fiercely. 

This post is much longer than I’d intended but oh well, some other things for your consideration.....

A Varian/Amren x Nessian double date.

Nesta taking on a similar military role as Cassian and either leading a female unit of Illyrians/ Valkyries or sharing the brunt of Cassian’s job (plus come on... those two training together is essentially their respective version of foreplay and I’m so here for warrior Nessian bonding).

I hope we get to see that mating ceremony scene!

Also....does anyone remember Balthazar--the Illyrian who showed up for one scene and fell asleep on Nesta’s shoulder during the Blood Rite while he helped them find shelter? There’s no way SJM would’ve written in a character like that without intending for him to show up again in the future....

Koschei the deathless? Wonder what will occur there. 

Damn, if you’ve made it this far give yourself a pat on the back. 

#I honestly was going to write one sentence #ONE #but then...this happened #I guess I just felt very strongly about this book and didn't realize it until now #god there are so many unanswered questions #time for fanfic i guess lol #nessian #a court of silver flames #acosf #acosf spoilers #sjm #elriel #gwynriel #lucien vanserra

[peaceoutofthepieces]

Sink Or Swim

tag list: @cleocc @feeling-kinda-so-so @hopelessromanticvirgo @dreamy-slytherin @adora8 @lockerfivethreefive @painfully-oblivious @poeticinemaa @jjustonemorething @sassy-sara @wedarkacademia @coolguyssyndrome @hischbabe @suckerforsobbe @tayspots @starmansander @theah0lt @zoenneforever @invisibleme @chibibanane @odi-et-amo85

~^~

Sunday, 14:07

Song: Sam Smith - How Do You Sleep

Lucas feels a little ridiculous, smiling dopily at his phone while he sits at the kitchen table, but it’s impossible not to. He always smiles at messages from Jens—has done since first meeting him—and now his joy is only doubled.

I think Jana is suspicious

suspicious how?

Lucas scrolls back up to the message Jens had sent him earlier while he waits for him to respond. Lucas had woken up to it—an image of Jens still in bed, pouting into his pillow. The accompanying message had simply read ‘not as comfy as yours’.

He scrolls back down when Jens replies.

she’s giving me that look. the suspicious one. all knowing and smug and shit

Lucas smiles, giving a tiny shake of his head.

maybe you should stop texting me and actually spend time with her then? don’t forget it’s your last chance

why thank you. now I’m sad :(

okay. I’m gonna ignore you now but know that I don’t want to </3

dumbass. you can text me later

Lucas hesitates a moment, and then sends one final message.

<3

“What are you smiling at?”

Lucas looks up at his dad and hastily places his phone on the table. He’d forgotten he wasn’t in the room alone, that his dad is only at the sink, washing the dishes. He’s looking over his shoulder at Lucas in amusement, and Lucas crosses his arms on the table and shrugs him off. “Nothing, just the guys.”

“The guys as in Kes and Jayden, or new guys?” Hugo asks.

It would be very simple. Lucas could just say Kes and let the conversation drop. He wouldn’t have to explain anything. He’d be asked the easy questions; how are they doing, does Lucas miss them. It might be the best segway into organising a trip home soon.

It’s also clear that his dad is trying, and Lucas decides it probably wouldn’t be the worst thing to put in the same effort.

“New.”

Hugo hums approvingly as he leaves the last plate aside and turns off the tap. He grabs a towel before turning around, leaning back against the counter as he dries his hands. “Anybody special?”

Lucas works very hard not to blush and give himself away, because the truthful answer is yes. Jens is incredibly special—the word doesn’t even seem sufficient to describe him.

But Lucas isn’t about to tell anyone else that, much less his father.

“No,” Lucas groans, rubbing a hand over his face for emphasis, hoping that’s enough to get past the subject.

“What? Smiling like that, what am I supposed to think? You know you didn’t even make a single snide comment during lunch?”

“Did you want me to?”

That earns him a withering look. “Lucas, come. Tell me about it. Your friends, at least. I let you out to that Halloween party and you haven’t even told me who you were with.”

“I didn’t know going outside came with terms and conditions,” Lucas mutters.

His father merely raises a brow. “When you were originally grounded, it does, yes.”

Lucas relents by letting his shoulders slump.

“Did you smoke?”

“I didn’t, actually.” Lucas resists the urge to roll his eyes, but he’s disappointed that this seems to have turned into an interrogation. For once, for some reason, he’d thought it would be better. They’ve been more amicable over the past week, casual with each other, with Hugo actually making it home in time to have dinner with him on occasion.

“That’s slightly impressive,” Hugo allows, moving to sit down with him at the table. “And did you have fun?”

Lucas shrugs. “Yeah, it was fine.” It was better than fine. It was the night he and Jens had almost kissed.

But, again, he isn’t about to tell his father that.

“You’re really not gonna give me anything, huh?” Hugo nudges his arm. “What about Saturday then? Where’d you disappear to that night?”

A smile flits on to Lucas’s lips. “Trick-or-treating.”

“Ah, well, now you’re just making fun of me.”

“No, I’m serious,” Lucas protests. “I went trick-or-treating with Jens and his little sister.”

He’s confused for a moment as to why his father brightens, but he quickly lets Lucas know what he’d latched onto. “Is that finally a name?” Lucas’s smile drops as his dad leans towards him, urging him on with a wave of his hand. “Jens, tell me about Jens.”

Lucas absolutely cannot do that. His pulse spikes, but he quickly tamps his fear down. His father has no reason to expect anything beyond friendship. He’s just asking Lucas to tell him about his friends. Lucas can tell him about Jens without giving him any of the...details.

“I don’t know. He’s Jens. I met him at—“ Lucas quickly cuts himself off, remembering that he’d snuck out to that party after his father had gone to his room. “I met him at school at the end of my first week. He kind of got me into his friend group.”

Hugo nods, pleased, but not entirely satisfied. “What’s he like?”

“He’s...cool. He skates, he’s chill. He kind of reminds me of Kes, I guess.”

“I’d like him, then?”

Lucas has to admit that he hasn’t thought about it much, but now that the man has put it out there, he likes the idea. It’s not really something he’d ever looked for, before—his father’s approval. He supposes it’s different, now that they’re on their own. He’s been worrying about what the boys will think, trying to figure out how to tell Isa, wondering what Jens’s friends will say. He has thought about telling his mother.

He hasn’t really considered his dad much, beyond how best to sneak Jens around him.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, “I think so. He’s a good guy.”

Hugo smiles. “I wouldn’t expect you to pick anything less.”

Lucas can’t help but find a deeper meaning in the words, for just a second, and feel his heart warm. Then he crushes the idea and comes back to the matter at hand, and decides he can’t give anything more away. “Should I tell Jayden you think he’s good, then?”

“You’ll do no such thing. I love the kid, but it’s a tough love.”

Lucas snorts, shaking his head slightly, surprised again at how at-ease he feels. Maybe he is misjudging, just slightly. Maybe he should try a little more.

He’s even more surprised when his dad gives his hair a fond ruffle as he rises, standing next to Lucas with a hand on his shoulder. “If you don’t have any plans today, you wanna watch a film with me?”

Lucas’s brows raise slowly. “What film?”

“Your choice.”

It’s a good offer that Lucas doesn’t really have a reason to refuse. Trying, he reminds himself. “Sure.”

Hugo grins and pats his shoulder. “Good. I’ll go set up the TV and you can get us the ice cream.”

“You got ice cream?” Lucas asks, disbelieving, as his dad makes his way out of the room.

“I know my son. Of course I got ice cream.”

Lucas finds himself grinning after him, shaking his head to himself in an attempt to snap out of it. He doesn’t have to, he realises. He should take this treacherous peace and allow himself to enjoy it. Maybe things are simply going right for once.

Maybe the universe is on his side, after all.

He picks his phone back up before getting the dessert, seeing another notification from Jens, but this time in the form of an Instagram post. Lucas clicks into it and finds an image of him and Jana. They’re both pouting, eyes closed, and Jana has her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, pressing their cheeks together. Jens has simply captioned it, ‘miss you already’.

There’s a low thrum of jealousy in Lucas’s stomach, at first, but the longer he looks at it, the easier he finds it. Eventually, it draws a smile onto his face. He remembers what Jens had told him, the night of the Halloween party, and what Jens had told him yesterday, and he merges it all together and reminds himself of how Jens had kissed him, over and over, going so far as to ask Lucas if he could stay forever.

He smiles to himself as he likes the post, then slips his phone back into his pocket before going in search of the ice cream.

#van der stoffels #vds #wtfock #skam nl #sink or swim #vds season fic #sos clip

[ghost-rocker]

Shingeki no Kyojin 139: Final Analysis

There have been many thoughts circulating now that SnK’s final chapter has been released, with drones of negative reviews flooding the ‘net. How satisfied one is with the ending appears to stem from how a number of plot points were interpreted, and how much emphasis one placed on certain events and seeing their fulfillment.

Here’s a brief analysis on why the series’s end is a fitting one, and why some events occurred or did not.

1. The Founding Titan

Many have expressed annoyance and disbelief at not seeing the Founding Titan (the worm-like spinal cord Reiner was subduing) being eliminated. Rather than this being a strange omission, it seems like it disappeared when Eren was killed, freeing Ymir and thus removing the “Eldian curse.”

2. How did Eren remove this curse?

This is one question that stands. Eren appears to have removed the curse by following Ymir’s will. By goading Mikasa into action, he satisfied Ymir’s desires and was able to put her at ease. Her legacy of titanism was then removed from the Eldians.

3. Revival

The reversal of titanism that occurred within a chapter was jolting for many. Why were they brought back? Consider an end where the turned Eldians remained titans. How would that bode for the story’s end? The handful of humans fighting for all of humanity’s freedom shrank further down to seven people. The odds were again stacked against them, and they likely would have died. 

An end where humanity’s hope for freedom dies, where Eren is victorious at genocide of the world outside Paradis, is not at all what the story was routing. Throughout the series, humans cling to hope, life, and dreams of freedom. Eren, the Attack Titan, held these beliefs more strongly than anyone else in the series. An end where the Eldians remain titans is an end without freedom and hope, the story’s main themes. 

In addition, turning all the Eldians into titans cast Eren into an even darker shadow in the eyes of the world. This made the fighters who contested him into even greater, braver heroes. His defeat and the resulting reversal also showed all Eldians reverting into humans. This could serve as evidence that the Eldian race lost their titan-shifting abilities (though clearly this was not immediately believed).

4. Historia’s Child

The parentage of Historia’s child appears to be a huge point of contention and a source of disappointment. Many followed the theory that Eren would be the father, thus providing the child with the royal and Founding genes perfect for controlling titans. However, Historia’s pregnancy and sudden marriage proved to be her aims at freedom, rather than a plot with Eren. This does not invalidate Historia’s choices or her child’s existence.

Historia chose to marry and have a child after discussing her options with Eren. Much of what Eren did when forming the Jaegerists was to ensure Historia the least amount of suffering. He wanted Historia to choose her future freely, not to be turned into a titan or have a child who would become one. In addition to her royal status, her pregnancy further prevented her from becoming a titan. The child not being born yet also ensured that it would not become a titan for quite some time.

Historia’s path was not an easy one. She made difficult decisions as queen, and continues to have a daunting road ahead of her as fascism floods the island. While her pregnancy and sudden marriage did not seem to be celebrated events for her, they were the results of her free choice. The child represents future hope, a youth born into a world where titans will be a memory. While this should be hopeful, as seen from politics on the island, it appears that the younger generation will encounter racism, blame, and many more obstacles ahead.

5. Eren

After the timeskip and his shock at the medal awarding ceremony, Eren became reserved and militant. Many seem to have interpreted Eren and his actions in a way that did not align with the ending. Here’s how the ending really does suit Eren Jaeger.

Eren started off as an angry, idealistic teen who violently sought freedom of choice with his own hands. He wanted to live without fear, in peace with his friends, and to see the world. He longed for vengeance against injustice and strength to deliver killing and protective blows. 

As the series progressed, Eren and all of Paradis were dealt shocking information. They were killing humans, they were not the last of humanity, and they were effectively caged and considered devils by an unknown society. After obtaining the Founding Titan and coming into contact with royal blood, Eren was flooded with an unimaginable amount of information about the world around him. Not only did he learn about Marley and its atrocities toward the Eldian race, he saw and felt the injustices his father suffered, the tragedies, the fear. Through PATHs, Eren experienced all this as if it were firsthand.

After learning all this, plus chilling information that shed a new light on former events (such as Dina’s identity and how he managed to use the Coordinate), Eren changed. He saw the entire future play out  — the rumbling, the death, the titanism... Eren saw what his future held.

PATHs was one confusing, tricky realm that he tried to make sense of, but then came Ymir. Eren pitied Ymir’s plight and chose to help her. Due to PATHs, his actions were essentially predetermined. As Eren said, once he started on that journey of helping Ymir gain her freedom, his thoughts became incoherent.

Eren was overwhelmed with thoughts, knowledge, and sights spanning time and space. As seen from the earlier owner of the Attack Titan, Kruger, PATHs transcends one individual’s will.

To achieve this ultimate goal, Eren made difficult, painful choices. Stirring up militants, becoming a villain, initiating a genocide. These actions are not condoned, but are events Eren saw as necessary and successful toward his end goal. The angry teen became a reserved, overwhelmed adult. The world was not his own, but he would continue to fight for his ultimate goal of freedom — not just for him this time, but truly for all of humanity.

Following Ymir’s will was not a purely destined event for Eren, but a beneficial one as well. By following Ymir’s will, Eren foresaw a future where his friends were safe and the Eldian race was lifted of its curse. This was the ultimate freedom Eren sought — freedom from stigma, from an uncontrollable biological anomaly, from difference. The Eldians would be on equal footing with other races, who would have no cause for immense fear once titan-shifting vanished.

Eren’s death went as he had planned. Mikasa was chosen as humanity’s savior and Ymir’s mirror. Eren died as a villain, his friends lived as heroes. Memories returned from time spent with him in PATHs, revealing his true feelings and goals. 

Eren’s end was truly a selfish one. He ignored his friends’ true desires for a future he saw as beneficial for them. He adopted a route of pain and destruction to ensure this, rather than sitting back and continuing to suffer — to not be free. The poor irony is that in his efforts, Eren himself was not truly free. The Attack Titan fought for humanity’s freedom from oppression, but he himself had his actions clouded by millennia of thoughts and possibilities. Eren did choose to follow this path, but it is important to consider the overload of information that PATHs presented him with. All users existed simultaneously. Was Eren really the one who chose to do X or Y? Or who chose to set Z into motion? It’s difficult to say, but it is certain that Eren did accept this journey, and he truly did follow it and his desire for freedom through.

People have called Eren pathetic. They have said his character growth was chucked aside. But that simply isn’t true. The Eren who whines about desiring Mikasa’s attention, the Eren who ignores his friends’ pleas, the Eren who fought amongst the Scouts, are all incredibly selfish individuals. Even after all his actions and his facades, Eren was still Eren.

6. Mikasa & Ymir

Mikasa’s end has received much pushback. Rather than moving on from Eren, the final scene set three years after his death sees her sitting alone still longing for him. It’s easy to pity Mikasa, and it certainly is bittersweet, but it seems to be a painful reality that Isayama-sensei chose to represent.

In an effort to distance himself, Eren deeply wounded her by calling her a slave through her Ackerman genetics.

Ymir chose Mikasa as her savior, seeing her love for Eren as a mirror for her own unrequited love for King Fritz. Ymir was a slave to her love through what many have noted as Stockholm Syndrome, the mental disorder where a victim falls in love with his/ her captor. Mikasa was different from Ymir in this way. While her love of Eren was her primary motivator in life, she and Eren were on equal ground, and she was capable of making her own decisions. 

But Mikasa was clearly not a slave, as evidenced by her ability to go against him during the Rumbling. Eren’s goading worked toward his goal; his actions caused Mikasa to turn against him, and ultimately, to end him, the person she loved the most.

While Ymir finally was freed, Mikasa has an admittedly unsatisfactory end. Not only does she not end up with the man she loves, but she had to deal his death by her own hands after watching him become a mass-murdering monster. The only satisfaction she appears to receive is knowing Eren cared for her, even loved her in his own way, and that wherever he is, in her beliefs, he is watching over her.

For Mikasa, this appears to be good enough. For readers desiring a strong end, an independent Mikasa who moved on from her love, this sits uneasily. But Mikasa’s situation is not unique; it mirrors a reality where feelings cannot be dismissed, and love never wanes.

7. Final Thoughts

The aforementioned six aspects appear to be the most controversial. For many who were expecting a flashy shonen finish, or certain aspects to carry more weight, I would urge to step back from the trees to see the forest.

First it is Eren who is the victim, then “humanity,” then the nation, race, world... Shingeki no Kyojin follows a story about human nature and the philosophy of freedom. What does it mean to truly be free? How can we all obtain happiness? What is fair, right, just?

Shingeki no Kyojin follows the story of a boy who longs for freedom and strength in a world filled with senseless horrors and injustice. This goal and these obstacles do not waver as the world opens up and the series progresses. The enemy morphs into another entity, meaningless atrocities continue by different hands.

Just like in reality, the series’s end offers no easy answers. Despite our heroes’ efforts, racism and prejudice remain, radicalism flourishes, and efforts for peace are met with resistance. But there is hope. Even faced with all the trials and horrors of the world, a group remain optimistic and unwavering in their belief that things can be better. Even if it’s not perfect, they still strive toward that end goal.

Just like the Scouts, Isayama-sensei urges us forward for betterment and the pursuit of equity.

The old refrain of “Devote your hearts” rings true in our day just as it does throughout the series.

With effort and unyielding spirits, we can press forward. Though the world may not be perfect, it’s the journey getting there and the relentless drive that count.

#spoilers #attack on titan 139 #139 #attack on titan end #shingeki no kyojin 139 #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #aot #snk #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren #mikasa ackerman #mikasa #historia #why'd i say brief this is not brief #i started this days ago and am too tired to keep revising it #surely there are better explanations #i was miffed at some big misunderstandings so at least that's out of my system #will do character posts later #ghostpost

[worldbuildingworkshop]

Worldbuilding Tutorial #11: Example World A

Intro From this point on, I’m putting the example tutorials under a readmore so that they’re not taking up as much space. This will be an example out how to outline history, using World A; specifically, I’ll be using this world to demonstrate the sequential method I outlined in the tutorial portion.

Deciding Priorities: World A is an odd one to start with because it’s not one that lends itself well to history. It’s a world that roots itself quite firmly in the present, and the beings that live in it are by and large not ones to keep records of history. So I’ll likely be doing a bit more outlining than I would have done on my own, for the sake of providing an example. I’ll use this one to demonstrate the sequential development method, since that’ll work best here.

Check Your Notes: One of the other reasons this world lends itself well to sequential building is because it’s a late hunter-gatherer to early agricultural world so far as technological development goes. That’s quite early on in a world’s history. Societies are mostly structured as villages of extended familial bands rather than broader governments (with a couple of exceptions). That said, historical development in any world you’re making doesn’t need to reflect that of the real world - and because of the underlying metaphysical traits of this world, that applies here. Like I said above, it’s a world that roots itself firmly in the present and in terms of internal logic has less need for history than we do; it also has less need to progress the way we think of progress in terms of technological and civic development. These are all things to keep in mind.

That said:

Where To Start As mentioned above, most of the societies in this world are in a late hunter-gatherer to early-agricultural phase of development. What ties these regions together are similar cultural and environmental features rather than any sort of overarching government. There are the Seelie and Unseelie fey in the Misty Moors, who dislike each other; the humans in Region #3, who get along well with the Seelie; the humans in Region #4, who are at the moment largely isolated; and the elves in Region #6, who are hostile to everyone. 

So where does this go? One of the forces that tends to drive people to change is the existence of an outside threat. This can be anything from an outside invading force to severe changes in environmental conditions. Another force that has the potential to drive large changes is significant technological developments: writing, metallurgy, large sailing ships, etc. Often these sorts of development hinge on the discovery of a new resource, or on discovering a new way to use an existing resource - or, at times, a combination of both. 

That gives us options. You can pick one you like most or that feels like the most likely option; or, you can forecast them and pick the one that seems most interesting to you. For sake of example, I’ll demonstrate forecasting.

Natural Changes: As potential for large threats go, sweeping environmental change is quite possible for this world. There are two primary candidates: one is weather, one is geologic. In the case of weather, because this part of the world is at such a low latitude, a Great Freeze of some kind is very likely; this would drive most of the societies at lower latitudes up to warmer pastures - which, in this case, means that humans and elves move up into the Misty Moors. This has a great deal of potential for conflict between the Fey and Mortals, and is a possibility that stands to force some cooperation between the Unseelie and the Seelie.

The other possibility is geologic: a massive earthquake, or perhaps the emergence of a new volcano. Given that, in this world, the core of the planet is made of mana - and thus rocks are incredibly magically powerful - the fallout from such a thing is most likely to be a long-term positive despite short-term destruction. Based on the tectonic plates, either an earthquake or a volcano are most likely to occur along the northernmost side of this region - which is to say, in Unseelie territory. This likely results in an empowering of the Unseelie, who then turn that on the Seelie; who may in turn seek shelter with humans. This has the potential both for conflict and common cause - in that the greater contact with Fey will likely result in humans both fearing and hating them more, and learning from them and intermingling more. 

Invasion: Without the factor of a natural change - as above - the most likely source for any sort of invasion or large-scale conflict rests with the elves. One possible branch of this is looking to wipe nearby fey out as a way of proving themselves; another possible branch of this is expanding into less inhospitable territory, and thus looking to conquer humans. Both would not be out of the question either. 

Technological Changes: Because most of the magic in this world rests in the bedrock, a technological change to do with stone, metal, or gems is the most likely to result in a big change. The most obvious candidate here is metallurgy, because that’s the path we took in the real world: and in this world, that likely develops into the potential for magical weapons. Another less obvious - but perhaps more interesting - candidate is glassmaking. Glass would be inherently magical as well, and paves the way for technology to do with lenses and far seeing. Any of these technologies are likely to develop with mortals rather than fey. The “where” of it becomes more interesting from there: in that humans have the most access to the physical resources in either case, but the elves are more likely to discover how to craft both by dint of being magic-users and because of their emphasis on skill. 

None of these are mutually exclusive, of course - it is possible for more than one of these to happen, either simultaneously or in sequence. One of the things that is important to remember about this particular world is the importance of Fate; and the way that fate drives cycles in the world. As such, “most realistic” has little to do with it - it’s more about what makes sense for the world, and in this case the world is one possibility in a self-aware cosmos trying to understand the nature of life, and in this case the cosmos looking to understand the nature of life from the perspective of emotion.

What Happens Next Given the above, the most likely event to happen first is the invasion of the elves. Their emotions are strong - stronger than humans’ - and they have a great deal of reason to feel anger towards both humans and fey. Most likely, the world gives the elves a prophecy that it is their time to cause hurt in return for the rejection they were dealt; and the elves invade.

In the state that humans are in - so many scattered villages - this does not end well for them. The elves have a more organized society, access to direct magic, and an emphasis on honing skill; the advantages that humans have are numbers and greater physical ability, but those will only do so much without an ability to organize them. Many humans are killed; those who are not are likely colonized by the elves, which may take many forms. Other humans likely flee to the fey woods and the moors, which is likely to instigate another crisis amongst the fey on its own. Some humans are likely killed by the fey in turn; in other places, alliances are formed and lines are drawn against elves. From these alliances are likely to come more elves - born outside of the budding empire - who are in turn possibly either killed, leave to join the empire, or else become their own way of being. The conflict lasts for some years; then, eventually, settles out.

With the new lands that the elves have conquered, they gain access to new resources. Farming, plants, and agriculture is one facet of this; metallurgy and glassworking, as noted above, is another. This technology is likely kept and developed away from humans, who are involved in the labor to acquire these materials but not to craft them; and then used by the elves to enforce any boundaries between themselves and humans in society as whole. Humans are not stupid, and most likely work to steal this technology or else develop it themselves; but not before - 

Because each generation has its own prophecy in this world, it’s time for a new one. This one comes in the form of a volcano that erupts on the borders of Unseelie territory. The Unseelie, empowered, wreak havoc on the Seelie fey on the southern end of the Misty Moors and keep pushing into what are now elven conquered lands. This is a threat that the elves will not suffer, but most likely cannot stand up to; and, with the humans having stolen metallurgy and glasswork with intent to use them, the elven empire likely dissolves both from the inside and the outside at once.

This ends one of two ways. Either the empire crumbles into chaos as elves fight unseelie and humans and seelie, and the Unseelie end up on top; or, the conflict forces Mortals and the Seelie to work together. Touching back on this world as a way to understand life and emotion, the second option seems the way to go. 

Humans and Seelie is an easy alliance to make; and, with elves having lost their hold on humans, humans are able to use that as a great enough threat to the elves to force an alliance with them as well. Most of all, it seems likely that the key here is the elves: not the empire, but the elves born outside of it. By nature of being like but also unlike both sides, they have the potential to become intermediaries in ways that make the whole process work. The Unseelie are pushed back, their access to the source of the problem - the volcano - must be cut away somehow eventually, and life settles back into something that resembles where we started: only, a few steps ahead. This time, we have new resources and technologies; and this time, there is a greater organization and interconnection to it all; and this time, there is a greater understanding between Fey and Elves and Humans - for now.

After That... You’ve seen the process above; from this point, it is essentially rinse and repeat. What are the big factors that are most likely to induce a big change? Which ones are the right ones, and how do they play out - and how does that change the situation? You follow the trail for as long as it leads, until you find a place you want to stop for now and spend a little more time in; and that’s where your story comes from.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So that’s the sequential method. I’ll demonstrate working backwards to construct a history in the next example with World B. 

#worldbuilding #worldbuilding tutorial #worldbuilding tutorial 12 #example world a #history #outlining history #forecasting history #timeline #timelines #world development #history development

[happi-tree]

On The Style and Effectiveness of 1-A Hero Costumes - Part 2/5

Part 2 of this post!

NAVIGATION

Part 1 2 3 4 5

INGENIUM / IIDA TENYA

It’s armor time!!! Behold a man. 

What I don’t like:

The costume seems too bulky for a Quirk and fighting style that optimize speed. And while it’s true that cars are pretty bulky but still go fast, it’s equally true that certain types of cars are designed to go faster. The current design reminds me most of a semi or a big SUV, but if the costume was more streamlined along the lines of racecars or sports cars, it would help take off the extra weight that the bulk provides, leaving Iida lighter and more streamlined - therefore, faster. 

Some examples of slimmer armor include Go Go Tomago’s from Big Hero 6 and Jim Lake Jr.’s from Trollhunters. And while I get that his body type inherently lends itself to being tank-like, lightening up on the bulk would probably be great for him.

The exhaust pipes out of his back confuse me. They bring some car energy, which is entirely welcome, but they likely hinder balance and motion, which is bad. They leave him looking a little unbalanced, and since so much of his strength and his fighting ability focuses on his lower body, having excess superficial material protruding out of the sides like that doesn’t seem to lend him any favors. And even while it looks cool, it just seems like it would be uncomfortable? Especially since a lot of runners - Iida included - like having full range of their arms to help propel them forward. The pipes might get in the way of that.

Here’s what I like:

The overall aesthetic. I love how this look both makes sense with Iida’s Quirk and personality and plays with elements of his older brother’s costume. It simultaneously puts across some knightly vibes - which is genius, considering how chivalrous and rule-following Iida typically is - and also calls to mind Transformers and cars with the emphasis on the engines and some of the more mecha elements.

The support! Armor is such an easy way to protect yourself while also getting some serious style points. His most essential areas are covered - neck, chest, arms, and legs - which is especially important considering that Iida’s legs are integral to his Quirk and his fighting style. The helmet is also a really good choice, considering this boy is essentially a human car. He looks a bit intimidating wearing it, which is good for fighting Villains, I suppose. Class dad is protected.

And a misc. note:

You know how after Iida’s special Recipro Burst move, he has to wait awhile while his engines cool back down? I think it would be really neat if he implemented some cooling technology into his Hero suit (similarly to Todoroki’s temperature-regulating gear). Theoretically, if he could find something that worked a bit like coolant for his engines, he would have a much quicker reaction time - and speed is the main facet of his Quirk, so it would probably help a lot!

Overall: Very good at providing protection while having a bomb-ass aesthetic. Not quite so good at being built for speed.

I CANNOT STOP TWINKLING / AOYAMA YUUGA 

On the other side of the armored spectrum… we have this kid!

What I don’t like:

*Edna Mode voice* NO CAPE! Why do I not like the cape? Capes can snag on stuff very easily and it would be an easy thing for Villains to target and use to unbalance Aoyama. Longer capes are especially susceptible to getting trapped under rubble, torn up, or covered in gunk from the environment (which is not the Look he seems to like). I feel like a shorter cape would get a similar message across while minimizing the potential dangers that a long cape poses. Of course, Aoyama can be trained via experience to utilize his costume effectively with the full-length cape, but when his life and the lives of others are on the line, I’d rather not take that chance.

The shades. I get that they’re iconic, but they’re taking rose colored glasses a bit too seriously. 110% will fall off his face and also messes with the princely Vibe the rest of his costume provides. I do like their Elton John energy, though.

Not a bad thing, but I just want to know how his belt works.

Here’s what I like:

The overall aesthetic. I love how the costume’s obvious “princely knight” vibe reflects so much of Aoyama’s character. 

The support here is also really good! Working the belt into the theme of his costume so seamlessly is very innovative and I love that for him. Getting the knee pads and shoulder pauldrons to match his central laser both adds to the uniqueness of the outfit and also pushes that royalty theme since they look very similar to inset gems. 

The color scheme. Purple, silver, gold, and black look very classy and regal together, and I appreciate how the royal purple ties back into the concept of European royalty, which is very in-character for this boy. His pantaloon-looking things??? Neato.

Overall: Eh, okay. Ditch the glasses and shorten the cape. Superb, you funky lil knight light.

CREATI / YAOYOROZU MOMO

Here we are! I’m finally taking a crack at one of the most highly debated hero costumes in the entire show, and like a good portion of people, I’m gonna be extremely salty about it. Yaomomo doesn’t deserve this - none of the girls deserve this. These are my thoughts:

What I don’t like:

The absolute lack of support. For any aspect of her. Nothing about this costume is protective (other than maybe the partial high collar). Her most vulnerable areas are exposed, and while it makes sense for easy Quirk usage, it does not make sense for a girl who’s fighting homicidal maniacs on the front lines. The most glaring area in need of support is obviously her chest, as nothing substantial is holding her bust in place. However, so much could be done to work with the benefits of Creation and against its weaknesses that is not being done in this costume. I’ve seen quite a few redesigns that include a sports bra with a front zip closure, which is worlds better. With the show being set in the future, having a slightly mechanized costume with the ability to retract certain pieces at the press of a button would be useful and likely doable considering Yuuei’s own Support department. Gloves would probably be a good idea to give Yaoyorozu a better grip on harder-to-handle Created objects, such as heavy metal machinery. 

The over-sexualization is, obviously, disgusting. Nothing about this costume says “Hero.” What it does say, in-universe, is that someone had the absolute gall to approve and send this outfit to a 15-year-old girl about to be thrown headfirst into training for an extremely dangerous profession. It says that giving a person in their freshman year of high school an overly sexualized outfit meant for combat training is okay (it isn’t, for reasons I can’t even begin to explain). This more closely resembles an outfit for a lingerie or swimsuit model than it does for any type of superhero, which alone should be enough to warrant some serious changes - especially, as I have stated, since the girl is only 15!

The overall aesthetic. There is no aesthetic reading for this costume other than “sexy”, which, as I explained above, is very problematic. Sure, the exposed skin makes sense for her Quirk, since she needs access to skin in order to produce items with Creation, but nothing about this outfit denotes anything about her personality. Yaoyorozu Momo is a gentle girl who has been shown to have self-esteem issues from early on in the show, and just knowing that makes me wonder if she feels uncomfortable wearing this. If she’s totally comfortable in this look, good for her! But comfort in our clothing factors so much into our mental states, which translates directly to our physical performance - it’s the same reason why having clothes that fit you and your style well make you feel more confident and more content. And especially if Yaoyorozu wasn’t quite expecting the amount of skin revealed when her costume was given to her, it could likely have added on to her self-esteem issues as seen early in the school year.

The skintight fit of what amounts to a glorified bathing suit is not conducive or acceptable whatsoever. With such a powerful Quirk, Yaoyorozu needs all the protective material she can get - which, as I said in Uraraka’s analysis, is quite simply not possible to fit under that bodycon fabric. Some padding at the very least would work wonders, and bulletproof material would serve her even better. 

Once again, heels are not good for any kind of running or fighting! At least it’s a block heel, which is marginally more stable than, say, a stiletto, but still.

The literal bookshelf on her ass. It makes no sense to put it there - it’s an inconvenient place (what if she needs to sit down?) and it looks incredibly awkward to move around with. Besides, there’s absolutely nothing stopping that book from falling at the slightest jostle. At least give her a proper holster or implement it into a toolbelt like some of the boys have. 

What’s with the belt? Can it hold emergency supplies? Or is it just there to make it seem like she’s wearing more than a deep v one-piece? I’m at a loss here.

Here’s what I like:

The color scheme. Deep red, white, and pale yellow look good on her! The color ratios are also pretty good in my opinion. Unfortunately, this is the only good thing I can say about her getup.

And to round us out, some misc. notes:

I feel like the book could be done away with entirely and replaced with something digital. This universe is set multiple centuries into the future, and I think something like a holographic data set would look slick, enable for faster search time for whatever info Yaoyorozu would need, and eliminate the bulk problem completely. At the very least, there could be a smartwatch-type gauntlet to pull up info with a larger screen to enable easy reading. Really, the lack of support for Yaoyorozu’s look is devastating because she could go so many directions in creating an outfit that works with her Quirk’s strengths and against its weaknesses.

Overall: Awful, a disgrace, and a disservice to one of the coolest, kindest characters in the class. I would kill for her to get the outfit she deserves.

INVISIBLE GIRL / HAGAKURE TOORU

Wow, look! Two travesties in a row! One more and I get a bingo!

Hagakure, I love you so much, and I am so, so sorry that the yahoos over at the Support company thought that this was a good idea.

What I don’t like:

Uh. The fact that there isn’t a costume. There is literally no in-universe rationalization for this. Surely, they have the technology. Just look at Lemillion! Togata Mirio’s Quirk is literally phasing through materials (including his own clothing) and they made him his own non-phaseable costume by weaving his own DNA into the fabric! Even if they don’t have the technology (they do), I know that Hatsume and probably the rest of the Support students would immediately jump on the chance of creating a fabric with the ability to switch between visible and invisible modes. 

Once again, the sexualization of minor Hero students continues to disturb me. Who in their right mind thinks it’s okay to send a naked teenager out into a live battlefield just because she’s less likely to be noticed that way? This line of thought surely doesn’t account for stray bullets or falling debris, nor does it account for this poor girl’s peace of mind. She should be focused on getting the job done and saving people, not worrying about how it’s too cold for her to work properly or how there’s nothing between her body and a loaded gun except for the air between them.

The gloves and shoes seem like they’re kinda. Missing the point of contributing to a stealth Hero costume? Yes, they’re good so that Hagakure can be easily recognized among her allies, but does she just have to stow them wherever when she needs to go fully invisible and hope she can find them once the mission’s over? Plus, Hagakure will always, at the very bare minimum, need something to protect the soles of her feet. Walking barefoot just for everyday civilian stuff would cause a lot of problems, but Heroes likely have a lot of broken glass, broken nails, debris, and other nasty things on the streets where they fight. Tetanus is not fun to have. 

Here’s what I like:

The gloves are a nice color, I guess?

Some misc. notes:

I gotta say, I’ve seen SO many good takes on outfit redesigns for Hagakure (same with Yaoyorozu) and the fandom collectively has some wonderful ideas on how to go about creating a costume for her. Personally, I think it would be cool if she had a full-body suit that could change between visible and invisible modes - that way, she would be easy to identify in head counts and it would likely be easier to see places where she could be injured after a fight. At the very, very least they could pull a Lemillion and have her outfit infused with something from her own DNA so it can disappear as she does while leaving her at least covered.

Overall: So, so bad. Please give this girl a suit. I’m tired. 

TLDR Part 2:

Great Costumes: 

Good: Iida

Okay: Aoyama

Questionable: 

Bad: 

The Absolute Worst: Yaoyorozu, Hagakure

#happi rambles #anime #bnha #walk walk fashion baby #meta #iida tenya #aoyama yuuga #yaoyorozu momo #hagakure tooru #and here's part two! #as I said earlier I'll link everything together once all parts are posted and I'm sorry if I didn't catch some spelling/grammar errors #long post #class 1A costume analysis

[bau-rookie]

a close examination of Hotch and Foyet

in which Hotch’s greatest strength becomes his fatal flaw.

(a/n: super long essay, because i don’t know how else to consume media apparently lol. i’ve been sitting on this since “100″ because it is really sad and I just wanted to make sure I get all my thoughts in order. It is, to my discovery, Aaron Hotchner’s birthday today, so what better way to celebrate than by explaining all the ways the Foyet arc reads like a Greek tragedy and how Hotch is an amazingly well-written character. Sorry the only way I can think about paying tribute is by making myself sad. Oh there’s GIFs too! I made them and that’s neat :D)

I. Ingredients for a Greek tragedy.

Greek tragedies stem from classical plays, usually about the nobility, and is centered around their struggle against the Gods/Fate. The noble character has a hamartia, or a fatal flaw, usually their own arrogance, that brings upon their own downfall.

Technically, Criminal Minds would fall under the category of modern tragedy which focuses more on common people and everyday problems. (Though you could argue that being a BAU profiler isn’t your typical career, which makes our characters noble not by blood, but in spirit.)

In modern tragedy, there is less of an emphasis on the involvement of a higher power or Fate. Every bad thing that happens is of mankind’s own making, and this is something that CM discusses often, that evil isn’t necessarily brought upon by a higher power. It’s brought upon by ordinary people choosing to do terrible things. 

And Foyet is no different. He chose to kill all these people because he wanted to, but his fascination with Hotch and how his plans for him play out, entrap Hotch in a tragedy more Greek in nature.

What Foyet ultimately does is take Hotch’s greatest strength—his stoic resolve to serve justice—and uses it to hold him personally responsible for the death of his ex-wife, all while bending the hand of Fate to his will.

II. Hotch as a noble character.

In “Omnivore” we are introduced to the Reaper and the many ways he tries to exert control and power over his victims. After killing so many times loses its appeal, the Reaper decides to toy with detective Tom Shaunessey by offering him a deal—if you stop hunting me, I will stop hunting them. 

While we sympathize with Shaunessey simply trying to save lives, he does so with the knowledge that he is deliberately letting a serial killer go free. The fear and the guilt eats away at him until his death.

Hotch, on the other hand, quickly establishes himself to be a resolute pursuer of justice. We don’t get to make those decisions. We don’t let them get away with it. He holds onto the idea that they have no right to decide who lives or dies and that the victims that unsubs like the Reaper takes, are not something he, or anyone in his line of work, should feel responsible for. Their sole responsibility is to stop them. 

This isn’t to say that Hotch is unaffected by the increasing number of bodies. When he turns down the deal and the Reaper attacks the bus full of people, he is visibly shaken by this, so much so that we see Hotch cry for the first time. It takes Rossi delivering some tough love to remind him of what’s important.

Look, if you want to end up like Shaunessy, like Gideon, blaming yourself for everything, you go ahead. But that voice in your head—it’s not your conscience. It’s your ego. This isn’t about us, Aaron. It’s about the bad guys. That why we profile them. It’s their fault. We’re just guys doing a job. And when we stop doing it someone else will.

Hotch and the team in general, are faced with constant reminders that they are only human. They are fallible and cannot control every outcome. 

Not everyone can handle the stresses of being a profiler. Despite the horrors, the chance of failing, Hotch’s greatest strength is his stoic resolve. He’s become our beloved Unit Chief, the person on the team who takes on the most pressure, takes it upon himself to, at times, shield the rest of the team from the greater burdens. Personally, he’s arguably also the one who sacrificed the most to have this job, having lost his marriage.

Yet despite the horrors, despite the toll, Hotch shows up for the job anyway. Because he can’t imagine letting the bad guys get away with it.

III. Foyet as a representation of Fate

“The Eye of Providence. A symbol adopted by the U.S. Government with the words: Annuit Coeptis. Latin for “Providence or fate has favored our undertakings.” The Reaper seems to see himself as the personification of Fate.”  — Dr. Spencer Reid, “Omnivore”

From the beginning Foyet is shown to have a flair for theatrics. He leaves markings of the Eye of Providence, writes Fate in blood, calls himself the The Reaper. He has delusions of grandeur and posits himself as a higher power, one who gets to decide the course of other people’s lives. Everyone who has the misfortune of coming into contact with the Reaper, becomes another chess piece in his twisted game of Fate.

In another life, Hotch would never cross paths with Foyet. But because he did, Foyet acts as Fate, bringing down divine intervention in the form of driving Hotch into a tragedy of his own making.

Foyet acting as Fate is, paradoxically, also an argument against the actual existence of Fate. Everything that happens is a result of Foyet’s choices. It is him, a man, and not Fate who is choosing to kill, maim and be cruel.

When it came to Shaunessy, Foyet also emphasized pinning the blame of the death of innocent lives on the failure of law enforcement. It isn’t Fate when there’s something you could do to stop it. Shaunessy took the deal because he felt personally responsible for the possible loss of lives, an outcome that Foyet pretty much predicted, but one that doesn’t really affect him. Shaunessy agrees, he gets off on controlling the police. If he doesn’t, well, he can just keep on killing.

Foyet repeats the deal with Hotch. Offers him the deal, which Hotch refuses then immediately murders 7 people on the bus, setting a chain of cause and effect that makes it seems like Hotch’s actions led to this gruesome outcome. Again, placing the blame personally, on Hotch. And Hotch does blame himself, if momentarily.

Later, once Foyet escapes and corners Hotch in his own apartment, he makes it clear, you should have made a deal. Foyet acts as a vessel for Fate, a vehicle through which the consequences of Hotch’s actions are served. 

Foyet takes it a step further, when he puts Haley and Jack in witness protection. Left all the usual clues, to simply say your wife and child are in danger because you never took the deal. I hold all the cards here, your fate will come for you eventually.

Then Foyet disappears, and waits. Leaving Hotch filled with guilt over endangering his ex-wife and child, at the mercy of Foyet’s arbitration of Fate.

IV. Dominoes and fatal flaws

By the time “100″ rolls around, you’re so captivated by the action happening on screen that it’s easy to overlook how we got there. When I first watched this season, I had assumed that Foyet would be put on the back burner until the end of the season. His quicker-than-expected return seems to be happenstance, the writers behind-the-scenes doing some plot magic, but if you reexamine the events that lead up to “100″ we see Foyet’s greater machinations at play.

On the surface, the preceding episode “Outfoxed” seems to be a straight forward throwback to an earlier case. Faced with a family annihilator, Hotch and Emily visit the original Fox in prison, believing the current unsub might be a copycat. The episode seems to be about the mental toll being a profiler brings, with Emily contending with a sense of disgust at having to get intimate with a serial killer (post-”Lauren” this reads very differently, but I digress). Until right at the end, when they reveal the admirer letters were actually from Foyet, and the one being outfoxed is Hotch.

When the events of “100″ go down, we hear Foyet repeatedly blame Hotch for what happens with Haley, calls out what we see as a noble resolve to instead be Hotch’s fatal flaw. It was the same thing that led Haley to leave him, a failing borne from Hotch’s own ego, the part of him that insists that it be him who catches the bad guys, that it be him who risks it all. And Foyet uses that to his advantage, uses Hotch’s resolve to trick him into thinking that maybe he did cause all of this tragedy to happen.

One small detail that caught my attention, and set me on this Greek tragedy path, is when they try to track down Foyet in “100″, Garcia notes that he had set an internet search alert for the name “Peter Rhea.”

At this point, Foyet was ready to go after Haley and Jack. He already had pictures and surveillance of the U.S. Marshall in charge of them. He could’ve gone and killed them anytime, but that’s not how Foyet operates. He needs Hotch to feel personally responsible for things ending badly. He set the bait with the letters and simply had to wait for Hotch and the team to get close enough, to find Peter Rhea. This is, of course, incredibly risky. The team could catch him before Foyet gets anywhere close to Haley and Jack, but Foyet is sure of himself and is an extensive planner. He made sure he was always two steps ahead.

The irony is that Foyet would never have gone after Haley and Jack if Hotch and the team didn’t get close to tracking him down. There’s an added layer of Spencer figuring out Foyet’s alias using his genius anagram deciphering brain and Garcia’s expert tech analyst skills. Foyet managed to hurt Hotch because this specific BAU team are just too damn good at their jobs.

Foyet set up dominoes that only Aaron Hotchner could tip to fall. He does it so well it almost feels like Fate.

V. The inevitability of fate

“Men heap together the mistakes of their lives and create a monster called destiny.”  — John Hobbes, “Omnivore” closing quote.

A key aspect of Greek tragedy, is that Fate is often the result of divine intervention. They cause certain events to happen in certain ways so as to result in the most tragic outcome, usually death. It’s designed so that the audience is aware of what’s to come, and can see no other way for the story to end. The tragedy is supposed to feel inevitable.

One could argue, that there is no such thing as Fate. Life is simply a sequence of random happenstance, but our need to prescribe meaning to the chaos cobbles up stories of predetermined destinies. Especially when the idea of owning up to our mistakes and their consequences is too much.

All of this was the result of one sick man, George Foyet, choosing to be so cruel. And Hotch was simply a victim of circumstance because if Foyet wasn’t going after Hotch, he’d be going after someone else.

But what are the odds that Hotch’s first case as lead profiler happens to be The Boston Reaper? It was from that moment that Hotch’s fate was really sealed, he and Foyet would be forever intertwined. 

Hotch, being who he is, had inadvertently, made the Reaper personal. Even when his BAU team was sent away, his resolve wouldn’t let the Reaper simply disappear. It led him to build his profile, alone and over many years. Any other person might’ve just let the case go, but not Hotch.

So when Shaunessy died and the Reaper resurfaced, the only person in the world who knows enough about the Reaper to track him down, is Hotch. It’s what leads him to George Foyet, a victim at first glance, and Hotch comes to him unaware that he is promising The Reaper a new, worthy adversary, one a decade in the making. And everything, from his prison escape, to his attack on Hotch in his apartment, plays out exactly as Foyet expects it to, because as much as Hotch can read him, Foyet can read his behavior too.

At the end of 5x03, “Reckoner”, Rossi talks about what could have been when it comes to his childhood sweetheart to Hotch. About how he was too obsessed with his job, with the hunt that he gave up his chance of having a family. Rossi warns Hotch, don’t make my mistakes, kid.

You have a family. When all this is over, what are you gonna do to make sure you’re not a lonely guy wondering why you let the purest thing in your life get away?

My initial reaction was that they were setting up for Hotch to leave the BAU for good. The man who hung on to the job so much that it cost him his marriage, for the first time, actually considers leaving it all behind him. Because what Rossi says to him, driven by the circumstances that Foyet has created, is too profound for him to ignore. Foyet is too big of a thing to just move on from once its over.

Of course, my hopes of Hotch riding off into sunset to live a quieter life and watch his son grow up were optimistic at best. It’s a fantasy that purposely ignores the reality of who Hotch is, simply because I want the alternative to be possible. By the time Haley is buried, and Strauss offers Hotch retirement, we already know what his answer is going to be. Because everything we know about this man can only lead us to one conclusion.

Aaron Hotchner is the man who goes after the bad guys, the man who doesn’t let them get away with it. No matter how much I yell at my screen about how Hotch should just retire and spend all his time with Jack, deep down I knew that was never going to happen. Him losing Haley and still going back to work, seems like the only logical outcome. It’s almost feels inevitable.

VI. Catharsis

The point of tragedy is, according to Aristotle, to achieve catharsis. The purging of emotion through the telling of another person’s suffering. And that’s what “100″ does (unless your heart is made of stone and you somehow did not tear up even once).

Others would say that tragedy is meant to teach us a lesson. Meant to teach us the limits of our mortal abilities, to warn against hubris and arrogance; to remind us that they are higher powers and unseen forces beyond our understanding or control.

Criminal Minds doesn’t try to give us that lesson. Like in so many previous cases, the premise of a crime procedural is really a way of examining human nature. Why do people do bad things? More often than not, though our profilers can figure out how an unsub goes from doing thing A to thing B, they don’t have a satisfying answer for why. 

In Foyet’s case, he does all of this to Hotch because he can, because he enjoys making him suffer. It is evil, unnecessarily cruel. There is no sense to be found in what happened.

But “100″ does not deliver pure tragedy. It ended in the death of Haley but it also provided hope in the survival of Jack. Hotch finally rids the world of Foyet, though the way it went down, you can’t help but wonder about the price of justice, if the cost is too much for this one man to pay. But then the show reminds the audience, that this one man isn’t bearing that cost alone.

Aaron Hotchner has his team, his family, and with their support, a chance to recover from the tragedy that Foyet wrought.

I used to think that, despite being dead, George Foyet still won. He set out to hurt Hotch, and that’s exactly what he did. We’ve only seen Hotch openly cry twice at this point, and they both were directly caused by Foyet. And I suppose that’s still partly true. It’s hard to really tell with our stone-faced unit chief, but it’s hard to see how Foyet wouldn’t linger.

But that victory isn’t absolute. Foyet is gone, and he loses every time Jack gets to spend another day happy and alive. Foyet loses, every time Hotch shows up for the job and doesn’t let another unsub like him get away with it.

And maybe that’s the lesson. That though good doesn’t always triumph over evil, there is a way to move past tragedy. And that path lies not in solitude, in carrying the burden alone, but in the solace of our friends and family who can bear witness to all that we must face.

For all all my waxing poetic about how Hotch is a noble hero, this entire ordeal just shows how human he is. Yet despite his flaws and the tragedy, the core unassailable truth of who he is, the values he represents, remain unchanged.

He is Aaron Hotchner. The guy who hunts down guys like Foyet. The guy who doesn’t let the bad guys get away with it. The guy who, despite everything, managed to save his son. The guy who will keep his promise to the woman he was once married to, to teach their son that love is the most important thing. The guy who makes sure that his son knows that good people do exist.

Aaron Hotchner is the guy who, despite all the hurt, the pain and the loss, chooses to be the hero. And that’s the farthest thing from tragic.

#did i spend all day thinking too much about a fictional character? #hell yes #i don't know how else to be #i just think aaron hotchner is neat ok #and he deserves the happiest of birthdays #maybe i'll write a fic about it tomorrow #but for now i rest #criminal minds #charlie watches criminal minds #aaron hotchner #david rossi #george foyet #mine: gifs #criminal minds gifs

[thisdreamplace]

How do I trust myself? Cause I know this is real, time and time again I’ve seen evidence of the law (although small) there’s still something within me that’s like “no you have still have to work hard or do this and that to prove yourself”, like it’s too good to be true. And I really don’t want to be like that anymore. I really want to get out of my own way? I really want to have a different reality, I just don’t know how to do it. I really want to go within, stay within, and be confident in myself. Even with eiypo, I keep seeing “others” mirroring my questions that I constantly wonder about the law or just things I think about (I’m a very quiet person and I barely speak to others, so I know it’s not a coincidence) and also I’ve thought of a funny story my mom told me when I was really young and then she randomly mentioned it a few weeks ago , so I know everything has to be real but for some reason I’m making it hard for myself, I still have that fear that everything is truly out of my hands, I feel powerless, and still have anxiety about “others” controlling my life cause that was how it was like in my childhood. I wanted to try a different route like how you said about focusing and going within and I want to stay there cause the outside is not ideal at all but I don’t how to go about things. I’m spiralling and I’m all over the place. I’m so confused and lost.

To be real honest, you just do it. Because you have run out of options, really. This is a very on-time post by the way. Because of course, here the law is at work again. Everyone is you pushed out. I have definitely thought such similiar things and as I reply to you, this is basically how I have worked out answering these same questions in my own head for myself as well. Hopefully this makes sense.

So, to hit your first point, needing proof is a trap. I recently realized this. As humans, we love reassurance. How many success stories have we read, how many of our own successes have we had? And yet... it’s like, never good enough. I remember reading something one time when someone was like, would God need to prove this works? Or would God just step into their power and get what they want? I think it’s time we step into our power and stop taking no for an answer. Easier said than done. But that’s where going within comes in. You may have to interact with the outer world and do what you need to there, but there is never anyone stopping you from getting what you want within. Like clockwork, practice choosing your preference. Why are you thinking about what you don’t want when you can be thinking about what you do want? Your mind can be your own Heaven with practice.

As for your fears and anxieties, what if you changed your perspective a bit? So like, I noticed that I am always saying “when your fears and doubts pop up, know they are no longer true for you. That’s your moment to let them be and know they are meaningless.” Well I advised this and I practiced it too. I definitely follow my own word. But... when doubts and fears such as what you listed came up, like not truly being in control or the law not being real, I let them go unchecked. It’s like my brain categorized them as something different, so I didn’t even notice I was doing it. Like, why don’t I just start rejecting those thoughts too? Like, yeah, I used to feel the law might not be real. But not anymore. I know it’s real. It’s always working. I used to think I wasn’t the operant power... but now I know I am and being fearful of such cannot hurt me. Like everything else, an assumption persisted in must harden into fact. So why not try shifting the focus a bit?

Further, to address going within, always do it because it is real. It is when you get to connect with who you truly are, and take back full power as the creator. There’s no need to fight against the 3D anymore. The 3D is faithful to who you are within. Understand this, and it can become a tad bit more easier. Turn your back on the world of shadows and change within. We must be it all within, that’s the thing about it. It’s a lot of responsibility to take. But that’s why you may choose your focus one day at a time. It never needs to be all at once. It’s not a race, it’s truly a journey and you can never do anything wrong.

Like right now, I know the one thing I want more than anything and I have chosen the experience over something specific. So I persist in that. Being so specific can be so heavy. Like, instead of wanting a specific amount of money (and you don’t feel good about it), why not just go to the end of being someone who is incredibly rich? Let the rest handle itself. I am doing the “live in the end - if it’s mine what the hell do I have to worry about anymore” because I am tired of worrying.

As the day goes on, I am careful and try to stay within. I try to choose my preference every chance I get.

Choosing your preference looks like: I ordered food and it was a little cold. That’s fine, because I know I always get perfect meals and on top of that, I always get them for free.

Then you move on. An unwanted thought comes up and you sit with it and know it is not true. Then you focus on what you do want instead. Plant little seeds throughout the day of things you’d like to experience. The sun shining, someone offering you a free meal, an orange cat, and so on and so on. Get used to always doing things how you want to in your mind. Get used to things going your way in your mind. Practice and persist. Take the emphasis off of manifesting for results and for once, just practice changing from within because you deserve to feel better.

I’ll try to put this into words but like, we get so caught up with our specific manifestations we do 20% when we could really be building these beautiful, phenomenal lives simply from retraining our minds. No need to affirm on loops or anything, but simply no longer taking the outer world as the final say. Your mind gets the final say. We think about the outer world so much as the day happens and that keeps us in the same reality. It’s like a loop. Practice going within more often. Choose to focus within more often.

As always, go easy on yourself. It’s okay. Take a step back and feel free to love yourself like you love your favorite character. Yeah, sometimes they do silly stuff or maybe things get heavy for them. But you always cheer them on and want the best for them. Give youself that kind of love and grace, because that is the kind of love that lives within you. That kind of love is the reason the law exists at all.

The funniest thing to me is I read all these types of advice in the beginning of my journey months ago and I really said... “ehh, no thanks.” And now here I am going, “damn... actually let me try that.” lmao This isn’t a manifesting journey for nothing, huh? But my point here is, it’s probably best to just take the advice. To just surrender to it and allow it to be and see what happens. For your own peace of mind. And give it a real good shot. Don’t worry about anyone else or how long it took this or that person. Give yourself a fair chance and persist for at least a month and see what happens. There’s no way you will not begin to see changes in your life. And not just the cute manifestations here and there, but the ones that are literal old stories being flipped into new stories in your life.

Remember, there is no one to change but self. We all got this!! Hopefully this was helpful and made sense. I really tried to be clear but please feel free to ask any questions if you have any. You have so many successes you will be sharing!! Keep persisting!! 💖

#i am