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eiraeths · 6 months

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more scrubs quotes as 141 members because im binging the show

———

Ghost: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring. [Points at self]

———

Price: Do you want me to order you a clown?

Ghost: A drunk clown hurt me once

———

Soap: It sounds like you’re asking me out on a man date.

Ghost: Johnny, why are you so afraid of loving me?

———

Ghost: I don’t understand it. This wedding is supposed to be about us - how come I can’t be comfortable?

Soap: And I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that you are not wearing sweats!

———

Ghost: I don’t dislike you. I nothing you.

Soap: That’s special

———

Ghost: Hey idiot

Soap: [Turns around]

Ghost: Heh. I said idiot and you turned around.

———

Soap: [after kissing Ghost] Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you having a good time?

Ghost: Actually, it's a roll of quarters. [takes out roll of quarters] Laundry day.

———

Graves: Ghost!

Ghost: And there you are.

Graves: Huh?

Ghost: I was just wondering if there was anything that could really push my headache into a full blown migraine… and there you are.

———

[Standing next to Soap and Graves]

Ghost: Goodness gracious, suddenly I'm getting the most intense headache. Let me see if this relieves the pain.

[grabs Soap and shoves him in between him and Graves]

Ghost: Better! [pushes Soap away]

Ghost: Worse! [Pulls him back]

Ghost: Better! [and away again]

Ghost: Worse! Oh, I could do this all day.

———

Ghost: Mactavish!

Soap: Mactavish? You only call me Mactavish when you're mad or when we're having sex... Baby, are you mad when we're having sex?

Ghost: Sometimes.

———

Gaz: I am not addicted to Journey

Soap: [singing] She's just a small-town girl…

Gaz: [singing] Livin' in a lonely wor-rld, she took the midnight train, going a-n-y-whe-ere.

———

Ghost: [thinking] Wait, is he into me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if he laughs.

Ghost: You hear about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party? He had noBODY to go with.

Soap: A ha ha ha! That's really funny!

Ghost: [thinking] Oh that's not a fair test, that joke's hilarious.

———

Price: Since you’re not that intelligent, I’m going to speak like a caveman from now on. You bad soldier. Me good soldier. You follow.

———

Price: I’m tired of rookies complaining about being called dummos, tubbos, smokers, and whatever the hell jamokers means.

Soap: I was actually saying jokers, but i had coffee cake in my mouth.

———

Gaz: Hey, Soap, wanna get a beer after work?

Soap: Do chickens wish they can fly?

Gaz: ...I have no idea.

Soap: I like to think they do.

———

Soap: [looks up to the ceiling] Now, I know you say you love us all equally. But you don’t, do ya? I’m onto you, big man.

———

okay that’s it

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kaiyves-backup · 6 months

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EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYY!

Sir! Ernest! Shackleton!

VERSUS!

Captain Scooooott!

BEGIN!

Scott:

Great God! A rap battle with my former friend Can only end with this fool getting sent home again! So go on, run on home, seems that’s what you do best While I’m hanging these medals on my navy vest Your close calls sell books, it’s my science that fills them Dropping that knowledge with my man Doc Wilson! I got a movie! It’s a classic! It’s a work of art! A&E cast you as Professor Lockhart! So take that caveman face back to Ireland, clown Or just like your ship, you’ll be trapped And going down! You may shoot your dogs and eat them for lunch But you’ll never dodge Captain Falcon’s punch! Then I’ll run you over with my tractor treads Scott of the Antarctic, With a century of street cred!

Shackleton:

That’s tough talk from a chap famous for losing a race Are those silver medals? ‘Cause you took second place! All you left’s a pretty diary, from a deadly trip And your movie? Just roll the Monty Python clip! Me, I’m the polar knight and the leader supreme Sailing 800 miles with my boy Tom Crean

The tide has turned and you just can’t stop this Your Terra Nova project was worse than Fox’s! It’s a new century, Con, and I’m bigger than you In the books, on TV, just call it Shack Fu! This battle’s over, go back to One Ton Great Scott, the winner? My name is—

Amundsen:

AMUNDSEN! A century on, you’re still fighting like twits? When the history books show that I beat the Brits? Got respect for you both, glad your stories were told, But no love for the ACTUAL first to the pole? Call me Xanatos, cause I’m a master planner! Amundsen in first with the Nordic banner! I leave nothing to chance and my rhymes are savage After 300 years, found the northwest passage! I’m the Edwardian Viking with the Inuit skill Rolling in my airship with that steampunk chill Haters thought a plane crash was the end of Roald? Stand aside and behold the Napoleon of the POOOOOOLES!

#Please reblog this so I don’t lose it again #epic rap battles of history #ERB parodies #things I make #polarized #The thing is they might actually do this one someday because it’s not *that* obscure

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newwwwusername · 1 year

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Fanfic requests OPEN for the following comics/webcomics!!

I will write : Hurt/comfort, fluff, songfics, sickfics, AUs, canon divergence, any other trope or headcanon (so long as it doesn't go against the list of what I won't write), any ship (so long as it doesn't go against the list of what I won't write)

I won't write : Smut or fetish works, pedophilia (under 18 x over 18), incest (including adopted family and step family), beastiality (sentient/human x non-sentient/animal), necrophilia (alive x dead- not undead), OCs, crossovers, Y/N (character x reader), explicit depictions of suicide or self harm, explicit depictions of rape or noncon, drowning (personal trigger), werewolves (personal trigger)

Notes : I do not guarantee I will write every request I get. Sometimes requests will just not click with me, and sometimes I don’t feel qualified to fulfill it. I will try to write as many as I can, though ; Feel free to specify any headcanons you want. Keep in mind that, unless explicitly stated that you don't want them, other headcanons (usually trans or Autistic headcanons) may be shoved in without you asking

I will write fanfiction (oneshot or multi-chapter) request for the following comic or webcomic fandoms : - Johnny the Homicidal Maniac - Lumberjanes - Dog Man - School Bus Graveyard - Spicy Mints - Castle Swimmer - City of Blank - Boyfriends - With Great Abandon - Bardown (TooManyHockeySticks) - Sacribaro (TooManyHockeySticks) - Screwed Up - HAHA : Sad Clown Stories - Timeless : A Caveman Western

Where to submit requests : - My ask box here on Tumblr - My Google Form - My forum - My prompts collection on AO3

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hostilemuppet · 1 year

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for the sake of postponing the art rb queue for a bit:

cuddles: nb lesbian. he/him pronouns (although i am Dabbling in he/she)

toothy: gay cis man

giggles: bi cis woman

petunia: trans het woman. polyam

handy: trans bi man. polyam

mole: cis bi man. polyam

flaky: bi genderfluid person. he/they/she. will put "hedgehog" if asked for their gender

nutty: mspec (likes the colours of the pan flag more and would probably decide to id as pan just for the aesthetic) agender person. he/they

sniffles: trans woman. probably bi? def likes guys at least

splendid: aroace. his species has hundreds of genders we could not possibly conceive of but for all intents and purposes he is a cis dude

russell: "married to the sea" (bi cis dude)

mime: all clown adjacents are inherently genderfuck. he/they. bi

lifty: cis gay man

shifty: straight trans man

pop: SAYS hes straight but ""experimented in college"". cis man

flippy: aroace cis man

lammy: cishet woman. im so sorry. shes cool about it at least

cro marmot: you dont know how bad i want to make him transmasc itd be SO funny but i cant. hes a caveman

#text #htf

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redrobin-detective · 2 years

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What is the weirdest thing in Doctor Who? (This is a hard question, There are too many options)

We are introduced to our lovable kindly looking old man protagonist, The First Doctor, by him kidnapping school teachers and trying to murder a caveman with a rock.

Jamie, an 18th century highlander and the second Doctor's BFF at the time, got his face taken away and the doctor had to rearrange it and fucked up so badly Jamie had a different actor the rest of the episode.

The stranded on Earth Third Doctor was in a threeway btw his TARDIS and Bessie, the neon yellow car. Also first multidoctor story, he calls his second self a "clown" and they bicker most of the time.

The Fourth Doctor doing whatever this is

The production staff found an abandoned robot in the trash made it into a companion but they were pretty sure the robot, named Kamellion, was haunted. Thing never worked right and Peter Davison, the Fifth Doctor said he had to work at being sad when the robot died. (Five lost a lot of companions, first long term companion death was a boy named Adric who loved maths)

Sixth Doctor got bullied by his companion, Mel, to exercise and drink carrot juice. Also bickered with the Second Doctor

The Seventh Doctor got shot in a gang war and ended up regenerating in the morgue with no memory.

Eight had one (1) TV movie in the 90s wearing a bad wig but has had so many adventures in the Big Finish audios. He has appeared on TV twice since then and fans lose their minds every time.

The Doctor who fought in the time war hated himself so much he didn't consider himself a 'Doctor' and thus isn't given an official number so he's just called War or War Doctor.

The Ninth Doctor decided the great first trip for his 19 year old new companion was the end of the earth. Toxic by Brittney Spears is played as a ceremonial song while the Earth burns.

Ten lost a hand in his first episode, it grew back but he carried the disembodied hand for ages until he siphoned off regeneration energy and it grew into a new Doctor who made out with Rose

Eleven married his married companions' kidnapped, brainwashed adult child atop a pyramid in a disintegrating timeline inside a large robot version of himself.

Twelve discovered that the moon is an egg.

Thirteen watched the Master as Rasputin dance to Rasputin by Boney M surrounded by Dalek and TimeLord/Cybermen with strobe lights and effects before he takes over her body.

#doctor who is weird #i love it

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clueingforbeggs · 6 months

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youtube

Lyrics are in the original description, but in case Tumblr/YouTube doesn't like you clicking on the embed (which it doesn't like me doing), I'll put them below the cut as well.

(opening: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band) It was 60 years ago today Lady Lambert got the show to play And I know it's had its ups and downs But there's a reason why it's still around So let me introduce to you The man who kicked it off in style... Billy Hartnell's Cranky Time Lord Band...

(I Am The Walrus) I am Who and Who are You and where is Sue And take your business elsewhere See how I flick this real specific switch, See how we fly Not lyin'

Prehistoric caveman Fire from the cave of skulls Superstitious witches Never been a hero Funny thing is fear it Makes companions of us all I M not Foreman We're on a tour, man I am the Doctor Hmm? Doctor Who?

Static city, Thals are pretty, Polycarbon mutants run the show See how they talk in adenoidal squawks See how we rise I'm dyin'...

Me and Marco Polo... in the court of Kublai Khan Sacrifical Aztecs, 'nachronistic priestess Open up the door mid-flight And now we're very small

I'm the original (you might say) I am the first one (sort of) I am the Doctor - Hmm? Doctor Who?

Post-apocalyptic London Where a love can bloom One day I'll come back, I really will, Until then have a pleasant time.

Bye Susan Foreman More is in store, man I am the Doctor, Hmm Doctor Who? Hm Doc-

(Eleanor Rigby) Bennett and Vicki Trapped on a planet where no hope for rescue is clear No one comes near 'Cept for Koquillion. He's a big monster who threatens them never to leave Would you believe? They are the same people And Barbara shot your dog

(Tomorrow Never Knows) Relax into the vibe of ancient Rome Such a hot party... fires are starting And float like the Menoptera do at home Flitting smartly... ('no') over Zarbii... The warriors with crosses in their eyes They are crusading... they are crusading So run before the Dalek fleet arrives Evil is scheming... Ian is leaving... Barbara is leaving... someday we'll be memeing

(spoken) 'London 1965!' (someday we'll be memeing) 'London 1965!' (today we are memeing) 'London 1965!'

(Eleanor Rigby) Steven the pilot Stuck on a planet of hostile geodesic domes Heck of a home Hifi the panda His only friend and the only thing helping him deal He's not even real

(paperback writer) Excuse me mister, where did you get that? It's the year 1066 and all that You're gear and fab, but cannot yet fab gears So who brought the watch? well, I doubt it was a Normandic settler it's the time meddler... It's the time of legends, and if we're on course, gonna see a few guys about a horse Vicki's fallen for a boy from Troy She should read a play and that play should be Troilus and Cressida May the gods bless ya... It's the Myth Makers... it's the myth makers...

(Yellow Submarine) Sara Kingdom kept the peace Katarina never saw the like in Greece As companions, they're unmatched But I wouldn't get too attached They won't live through the Dalek's Masterplan The Dalek's Masterplan The Dalek's Masterplan

(I Am The Walrus) Hmm? Doctor Who? Hmm? Doctor Who? Some Caucasian dude with Asian clothes made me play Towers of Hanoi See how they clown, take Billy Bunter down, I'm just a hand... I'm dying...

Where's the nearest dentist? Let's check the OK corral. Steven's going savage, WOTAN in the tower Pleased to meet you, Polly, Ben, won't see this face for long I'm the original (you might say) I am the first one (sort of) I am the Doctor - Hmm what's that who? Hmm what's that who? Quite right... Everybody loves one... everybody loves one... Everybody keep warm... everybody keep warm... Everybody keep warm... everybody keep warm...

(Spoken) 'Oh, Barbara' 'Now you've squashed my favourite Beatles'

#doctor who #the beatles #Youtube

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meeowdrey · 3 years

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In Your Room /Michael Myers x Reader NSFW 18+

Hello! In the spirits of Halloween, and my unquenchable thirst for this hunkalicious bitch, I decided to make an oh so naughty fanfiction of Mikey! This was based off the song “In My Room” by The Insane Clown Posse! Please listen to the song if you want :p

!WARNINGS! Graphic language, 18+ explicit content

Enjoy ^^

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You looked over at the clock, biting the inside of your cheek anxiously. 2:54 AM. That was normally the time Michael would come by and visit. Although your odd and monstrous lover has visited you before multiple times, you still couldn’t help but feel anxious. Well, then again, how could you not? He was an alarmingly tall man which you could never read. You sat up from your bed, it rose from the absence of your body’s weight. Your stomach churned with a mixture of excitement and anxious butterflies. The feeling was almost too overwhelming, it sometimes getting so bad you’d feel the need to vomit. Before turning to look out the window, a sigh escaped your tinted lips.

“Where is he?”, you softly muttered to yourself. As if summoned, you heard the tap, tap, tap you’ve gotten so used to hearing. There he was, your masked hunk of a guy. His pale, expressionless mask looks through the window to stare directly at you. You hurriedly unlocked it before he got the chance to break it open himself. The freakishly tall man squeezed his large stature through the window, setting one of his heavy, dry blood stained boots onto the floor of your room.

“Hi Mikey. I missed you- Oh god, did you get stuck aga- oh no you got it” You couldn’t help but giggle at Michael’s awkward attempt at pushing himself through the small space. He huffed in annoyance once he managed to get his entire body through. “Oh come on, Mikey. You know I’m just playing” You wrapped an arm around one of your masked lover’s, and rubbed small circles on his chest with your other hand. Another grumble was heard from Michael, although this time sounding less annoyed. You could feel his sudden stiffness, but as you continued to rub sensual circles on his chest, he eased into your touch.

“I missed you, Michael..” You disentangled your arm from his to bring one of his freakishly large hands up to your cheek. His calloused and rough palm made contact with the flesh of your soft face. It took a few seconds before he gently began to rub his thumb against your cheek. Michael was still getting used to displaying affection ever since he’s gotten into a relationship with you. It’s been a very slow process, but some progress has been made.

You trailed your affectionate gaze from his hand up to the eyeholes of his mask. He was already staring at you. His stare was intense, and as mentioned earlier, hard to read. You couldn’t tell if he was staring with pure heated lust, or awkward affection. Perhaps both? You reached for his hand again, this time gently putting it down and luring him to your bed. The mattress sunk under the weight of your body, and even more so when Michael carelessly plopped himself beside you, still holding your hand. The two of you were still staring at each other, Michael’s breathing getting noticeably heavier. The animalistic man was battling every damn urge in his body to not lunge at you, to draw blood from the precious skin of your neck, to pound into you like a caveman.

Michael scooted himself closer to you. His body was shaking from the built up sexual frustration. He lifted his mask up just enough so his slightly chapped lips were freed. Instead of brutally attacking your neck, biting down and leaving dark purple marks on it, he gently hovered above your sweet smelling flesh. The masked lover placed careful kisses up and down your neck, sometimes reaching down to your collarbone. His body was still very much shaking, the movement getting more and more violent as he continued to breathe in your intoxicating scent. The peppered, sweet kisses came to a halt. He exhaled hotly on your neck. For fucks sake…

Michael lunged himself at you, a loud gasp escaping your throat. You were pinned down to the bed with your hands now raised above your head thanks to your barbaric boyfriend’s strength. Michael bit down on the delicate skin he was so eager to destroy. The once gentle kisses were replaced with harsh suckling of his mouth. Every time he finished sucking one section of your neck, he’d move over to the next, earning a loud, wet pop noise once your flesh and his mouth separated. The sound was so lewd, so filthy. You couldn’t help but buck your hips into his own. The slasher placed a knee between your legs, as if giving you a warning.

“Mi–chael..” You practically whined for him. Michael exhaled loudly, proceeding to decorate your neck with dark hickeys. He would run his sleek tongue over the bruised flesh before blowing on it. You kicked your legs in a childish manner. Michael suddenly jerked his head back. His upper body now raised and masked eyes studying your current state. Neck littered with his dark purple marks, eyebrows furrowed in painful pleasure, and disgustingly mumbling desperate pleads for him to please continue. Poor baby… Unfortunately for you, you were in a relationship with a sadistic, cruel mother fucker who didn’t give two shits if you cried for more. If you were going to be a brat, you might as well get treated like one. He removed his knee from between your thighs and made his way to the window. Your eyes widened with fear and desperation. Was.. Was he leaving?!

“You can’t just leave me like this, Michael! Please, baby, please! I’m sorry. I won’t do it again!” you hopelessly called out to your sadistic lover. Your pleas were not taken into consideration because Michael was still making his way out your window, one of his legs already hanging out. The heat between your legs was painful and Michael was the only one who had the power to subside it. Hot tears formed in the corners of your eyes and you bawled out loud for him. “Michael! Michael!” You grabbed onto the fabric of his coveralls. He stopped dead in his tracks. Your arms flung around the masked man’s chest and your lips hovered just above his ear.

“Mikey… please. I’m sorry. You-You just made me feel so good, it was overwhelming” He sat there for a couple moments, not moving nor making any noise. Michael looked down at the uncomfortable boner in his pants. He noticed the fabric twitch under the throbbing of his cock. Your potent smell was even stronger than before. The sweet aroma lingering just below his nose.

I can't ignore you.

To your pleasure, Michael brought himself back up. The man was 6’8, his build towering over your frame. He used one of his hands to move a strand of hair behind your ear, a soft gesture you rarely ever got out of him, then resumed kissing your soft, supple lips. The kiss was swiftly deepened by Michael invading the personal space of your mouth. Your tongues intertwined, mouths were perfectly in sync. His hand reached downwards to grab your ass, giving it a firm squeeze before kneading the same flesh. “Mhmm..” A faint moan slipped past your lips. The two of you made your way back to the bed where this time, you were on top of Michael. His back was pressed into the plush mattress behind him while you straddled his hips.

Don’t get any ideas, now. Just because you were on top doesn’t mean you were in charge. Michael made sure you knew that by gripping the back of your head and forcefully jerking it away from him. A long strand of saliva connected to each of your bottom lips, your mouth slightly agape. The firm grasp your boyfriend had on you never loosened up. Your eyes kept contact with his, licking your bottom lip.

“See? I can be good for you, baby” Your silent lover didn’t respond. Instead, he pulled your head even further back. “Augh..” you groaned in pain, a small smirk finding its way on Michael’s lips although quickly disappearing.

He brought his hands up to the zipper of his navy coveralls and slowly brought it down. His chest was exposed. There was no hair on it, but it was nicely built and his pecs were captivating. Next, his abs were deliciously put on display, a visible happy trail leading down his v-line. Finally, and what seemed like took forever, the zipper reached its limit and Michael’s thick, veiny cock sprung out, hitting the inside of your thigh. He was a big man. It wasn’t shocking he had a greatly sized manhood.

His masked face stared deeply into your honeyed eyes. Your gaze was not steadied on his mask, but instead his delicious, precum dripping dick. The tremendous amounts of pleasure Michael put you through with that thing.. just the sight of it knocked the breath out of your lungs. Your brain frantically scattered through multiple ideas of what was to come. Perhaps tonight he’d attempt to break open your skull with that raging boner of his, choking and filling your wet cavern of a mouth with every inch of it. Maybe he would drill you into the bed until your ability to speak was no more.

Bringing you back to reality, Michael gripped the flesh of your thigh. Rustling of the sheets was heard as he shifted his body upwards. The position he settled himself in was very familiar. Upper body slightly slouched forward, muscular legs spread apart, dripping manhood standing erect in the center. God his body was utterly divine. Merely rubbing circles on his toned chest sent vibrations of need throughout your entire body. You swiftly dropped to your knees, positioning yourself in front of Michael’s hunched over figure. His natural musk flooded the nostrils of your nose. God, this man had you salivating.

“Do you want me to start, my love?” A chill sent down Michael’s spine. My love. Your declaration made his heart thump louder, something only you were ever capable of doing to him. His calloused hand nudged your head towards the leaking head of his penis. Your tongue slid across your lips, soon pressing them against the hot skin. For a moment, you slid the soft flesh of his tip teasingly. Much to your liking, his head dipped back, a grunt following.

“I can feel you throbbing” the sleekness of your tongue traced over the length of his member. “I missed your taste” filthy bitch. Michael forced his cock down your throat which resulted in him sharply inhaling.

“Fuck” Your ears perked. That was the first thing he’s said all night. Did your throat really make him feel that way? Your gaze trailed from his crotch to his mask. He was already staring down at you, hand nestled into the locks of your hair. What a gorgeous sight you had, the same could be said for Michael. His bare chest heaved up and down, muscles tightened and a bead of sweat rolled down the scarred skin of his body. Your lips were snuggly wrapped around his width, saliva bubbling at the corners of your mouth and dripping onto the floor. Even while Michael forcefully gagged you, repeatedly stuffing your throat and refusing to let you breathe, you still looked up at him with admiration. Well, whenever they weren’t rolled to the back of your head.

Pop! The sound your mouth made after pulling away. Michael’s cock glistened in the full moon’s luminous light. Saliva caked the surface of his manhood, strands of the sticky fluid dripping onto the bed sheets. Rough skin traced over the softness of your cheek. You deeply and greedily inhaled as much air as you could. Eyes half-lidded, panting like a dog, all while Michael had his cock pressed against your face.

Do anything for you, baby.

—————

The bed creaked loudly. The sound of your soft moans and sudden gasps along with Michael’s grunts filled the room. With every forceful, deep thrust, his hips met with the flesh of your thighs. Your legs were spread open as far as possible, one of his massive fingers rubbing the sweet bud of your clit. Tears formed in the corner of your eyes. The salty liquid slowly ran down the shape of your face. His cock easily slid itself in and out of your cunt, a milky white liquid forming at the hilt of his dick.

Michael was familiar with the substance. He’s made you cream multiple times. He slid the entirety of his member out of your tender hole. You whine, missing the feeling of his impossibly large cock filling and pressing against every sweet spot in your body.

“No.. no, Mikey.. please” You pathetically pleaded. The slasher held his cock in his hand, it hovered just above your aching entrance. Deciding to be the teasing mother fucker he is, he dragged his tip and rubbed it up and down the lips of your pussy. The creamy liquid you left on him provided a great lubricant. The silkiness of his head slid heavenly over your lips and labia, pressing the sensitive button he massaged earlier. Under your breath, you muttered the countless affectionate nicknames you gave your mysterious partner. Normally, he would growl in annoyance, but at this current moment, he seemed to enjoy your display of affection.

“Darling..” You purred. Your tone was a mix of desperation and sickening sweetness. The desire to slam into your heat possessed Michael, and with the sharp snap of his hips, he thrusted his entire length back in the warmth of your walls. You threw your head back into the pillow. Just the reaction Mikey wanted to see. His hips moved in a fast rhythm, one that you couldn’t bear to handle anymore.

“Michael..” you breathily started. Your fingers sunk into the faux locks of his mask. Michael nuzzled himself into the crook of your neck. His pacing became much slower. The rigid walls of your vagina clamped around his cock, contracting from the intense waves of pleasure. “Ah-hngh! I love you!” You didn’t mean to scream your loving words, but your orgasm was so intense, you didn’t have any control over your voice. Your statement sent the huffing man over the edge, a surprising noise escaping from his mask.

I do adore you..

“Aughh-h-HA!” Michael smashed his cock into you as deep as he could go. You could feel the harsh pulsating of him as thick webs of his seed filled your cunt. As a result, you rolled your eyes to the back of your head, curled your toes, and opened your mouth as far as possible to release a moan similar in volume to Michael’s. His heavy body went limp, not caring much that he was practically squishing you. After hearing a squeak of desperation, he decided to roll over to the side, giving you a break to breathe. As you caught your breath, Michael looked over at you. A mischievous smile spread across his lips that were unfortunately hidden under that mask of his. You were a sweaty, panting mess. Your lover’s cum dripped out of your hole and onto the once clean bed sheets. Your legs violently shook, perhaps even more than the last time he came over!

#Michael Myers x reader #reader insert #slashers #slashers x reader #michael myers #smut #fanfiction #halloween

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bloody-oath · 3 years

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what are the slashers allergic to? wrong answers only! or y'know shitposting answers

*achoo!*

Jason Voorhees: Stepping on a crack... to break his mother’s back.

Michael Myers: The thirst that is his fan-base.

Freddy Krueger: Intelligent jokes.

Bubba Sawyer: Being mistaken for Brahms a man-child.

Nubbins Sawyer: Not being an eejit for 5 seconds.

Chop Top: Monochrome.

Drayton Sawyer: Being a decent role model.

Brahms Heelshire: Good hygiene. No, just fair hygiene. Like, eBay-quality fair.

Chucky: ... Fat chicks...

Tiffany Valentine: Serial-killer wannabes.

Hannibal Lecter: Private label food, i.e. sTOrE LabEL.

Norman Bates: Women.

Pennywise: Those bubbles that take a century to pop. You know the ones.

Pinhead: Looking basic. Not Like Other Girls™.

Billy Loomis: Head & Shoulders.

Stu Macher: Resisting to push a button that says Do Not Push.

John Kramer: Looking his age instead of 30+ years older.

Amanda Young: Legal (prescription) drugs.

Hilliker Brothers: Evolving.

Jack Torrance: Non-alcoholic beer.

Candyman: Ignoring to look at his reflection whenever applicable.

Leprechaun: Having his gold replaced with chocolate coins.

Yautja: A caveman lifestyle, such as getting out of bed to turn the lights off.

Ash Williams: Possessing stable emotions.

The Creeper: Solar vehicles.

Art the Clown: Flushing.

Mick Taylor: Losers. Pommy cunts. General foreign vermin. Wait, wrong answers?

Thomas Hewitt: Any band that isn’t Korn.

Asa Emory: A rolled up newspaper.

Billy Lenz: Not butchering the English language.

Alfredo Sawyer: Avoiding to be an unoriginal knockoff.

Tex Sawyer: Getting called something whack, like Aragorn.

Tinker Sawyer: Being remembered.

Jesse Cromeans: Cheap shit. Thrift stores. The homeless.

Cujo: Everything on this list. ✶ Keep your good boys and girls healthy. ✶

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shit-posts-and-fanfictions · 3 years

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Wait yo can I ask for some zomburger x reader where the reader has their own food truck but it's very pastel and cute but they can and will gut a bitch when their buttons are pushed or someone they care for gets threatened kind of personality? I'm separate for each character in headcanons please and gn! Reader if needed to be specified! Please and thank you!

Feelin’ like caveman spongebob like “HUH- Btb request-”. Monkey brain go stupid for Conrad fluff (≖͠ ͜ʖ≖)👌

Fandom: Big Top Burger

Rating: Headcanons

Readers Gender: neautral

Present Characters: Zomburger crew

Trigger Warnings: Cussing,

Notes:

Cesare:

you were more of a pastel goth or pastel punk to catch Cesare's eye.

The bright pinks, baby blues, and lilac purples made him gag when he first saw you and your food truck.

It wasn't until he took a closer look that he noticed the zombie-like gore, blood simply changed to a more glittery and humorous color.

The pastel gore was what got him interested in the first place

how could something so gruesome be drawn so cutely???

He learns to appreciate your sense of style even though he himself would never have anything to do with it.

It's endearing, but he has definitely started arguments about the sheer amount of glitter everywhere from having you around.

Another thing he enjoys about you is how you can hold your own-

He doesn't have to look out or protect how adorable you are.

Sure you can be cute one second, but he's seen how if someone messes with you they get a mouth full of pastel platform boots.

(since I headcanon Cesare as a short king) He definitely gets bitter when you wear platforms because you are so much taller than he is-

you already are

but the platforms make it so much worse and more noticeable-

Doctor:

Doing research on pastel aesthetics, I think Doctor would find Pearly attractive.

Pearly is from roughly the 1990s

Featuring more soft whites, silvers, baby gold, light pink, and blue colors

The difference between your food truck aesthetic and his is what catches his eye.

he's curious

It's a much better alternative to clown themes

Doctor would be more open to trying your style if you wanted to dress him up in it, but wouldn't make it a daily thing

and may the gods forbid that the rest of Zomburger see him dressed up in pastel colors-

So seeing him in your style would be during more private occasions and very rarely would he agree to do so

But he enjoys seeing you in the aesthetic, and would gladly help out with picking your outfit for the day.

I see people in a Pearly aesthetic being more reserved but very intelligent

Doctor enjoys your intelligence over your aesthetic

He trusts you'll be able to defend yourself verbally, but will step in if you clearly need his help.

Conrad

Conrad doesn't care about the different aesthetic between the two of you and rather prefers it!

For some reason, I can see you being Babycore or Lolita, but really he would find any pastel aesthetic cute as long as it's you.

You were so much brighter and wildly more vivid than the rest of the food trucks in the expo, and you were just so cute-

Your kindness to him made him all flustered when you guys first actually talked to each other

I see Conrad going stupid and short-circuiting when talking to someone he finds attractive.

Conrad wouldn't dress up in your aesthetic, mainly because he doesn't see himself looking good in it-

So he happily watches from the side and supports you in whatever you choose to wear.

Compared to the last two in this prompt, Conrad is by far more protective of you and your style

You're so much smaller than him, and cute, and kind, he just doesn't want to leave you to your own devices when defending yourself or your aesthetic.

Just imagine someone trying to bully you for your food truck aesthetic and all they see is this hulking zombie-themed man behind you visibly very pissed off

I seen him work out in the opening-

Conrad could probably pull a watermelon in half if he wanted to.

So just trust that when you two get together no one would even think about trying something against you

Frances:

I heard Frances and immediately thought Bubblegum witch or Pastel academia-

You both likely met outside of your respective food trucks, but boy was Frances happily surprised seeing you!

Frances is definitely going to be more competitive with you but in a playful and loving way-

At the end of the day, she's just happy being with someone as pretty and kind as you.

Frances, I think, would be the most open to trying your style if you wanted to dress her up in it and would be more confidant in being seen in it.

She would get flustered or awkward if others from Zomburger saw her-

but other than them, she would be happy to give it a try!

Like Doctor, it wouldn't be a daily thing and she likely wouldn't adopt the style as her own

But would wear it every once and a while if you insisted

She likes to show you off when you do go in public together

you just look so good, how can she not?

The best hype man 10/10

If someone tried bullying you for the aesthetic of you or your food truck, they'd be getting an ear full from the both of you.

Frances cussing them out herself or hyping you into roasting the poor bastard in question.

#btb conrad #btb cesare #btb Frances #btb doctor #doctor btb #cesare zomburger #Zomburger #bigtop burger #worthikids #pastel #pastel goth #pearly #lolita

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thealmightyemprex · 2 years

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Top 10 DC Villains

10.Two Face

A man split in two,physically, mentally and morally

9.Catwoman

Debated not having her on the list ,because she flip flops so much ,but thats kind of what makes he interesting

8.Brainiac

Convuluted as Hell ,but the core of him is great :An alien AI who is linked to Krypton (Either he stole one of the cities ,is from Krypton or he destoryed ) and has earned the spot as Supermans number two rogue

7.Solomon Grundy

One of my favorite brutish villains,he's all brawn no brain....Most of the time .Grundy can be sympathetic ,funny or scary depending on the situation

6.Mr Mxyzptlk

I love this little imp .One of Supermans funniest villains and yet one of his most powerful

5.Vandal Savage

Dig this backstory: A immortal super intelligent caveman who has been many of the wortst tyrants across history .Will admit I am a fan of this guy mostly due to outside media ,particularly the Justice LEague cartoon ,Justice League Doom and Young Justice (The latter two where he is the main villain ) and my ideal candidate for being the villain of a Justice LEague movie

4.Riddler

Three things define Riddler ,he is really smart,has a compulsion to leave clue to all his crimes and the fact he REALLY wants attention .This guy has a massive ego,almost on par with my number one villain

3.Darkseid

Yeah these last three arent going to surprise people though the order might .DArkseid is litterally an evil god who feedson misery .When he comes around ya know things are serious . Shout out to his main henchmen Granny Goodness and Desaad who are fun villains in their own right

2.Joker

Probably the most popular DC villain,to the point people are kind of sick of him .While I agree he is used way to often , I still love this demented clown ,he's been everything from a cold killer,to a psychological threat to a pure silly foe. My favorite iteration is what I call the "Showman" ,the theatrical yet demented murderer with a sick sense of humor

1.Lex Luthor

The man who wants to kill God and honsestly my absolute favorite supervillain .No secret identity,seldom a costume ,and no powers.What he does have is riches,intellect,ambition and a massive ego .He is the antithesis of Superman ,a man who with his resources COULD be a hero ,but due to jealousy and selfishness he walks the dark path

What are your favorite DC villains?

@ariel-seagull-wings @marquisedemasque @amalthea9 @filmcityworld1 @the-blue-fairie @princesssarisa @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark @personofsinterest

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bisluthq · 2 years

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See okay I’m obviously extremely into boobs but I cannot express how little I want to interact with male nipples personally but I’ve heard they’re very sensitive and I’ve like attempted to do stuff to them but ew. //

This is exactly how I've always felt about mens legs.

… I mean tbh this is kind of how I feel about men in general always minus arms because idk men’s arms elicit a primal thing in me. Penises are funny and I’m down to clown sometimes but only sometimes. A man with big arms is weirdly hot and I genuinely think that’s like caveman biology like I think my genes are like “yes queen he can punch the Sabre tooth tiger that’s what we need.”

Also feeling weirdly real about this particular comment and would like to say to new followers a lot of what I say about male celebs is very performative and like not THAT true FOR ME idk I just find it funny to make jokes like that.

Also I like to idk make jokes.

#nat talks nat

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ambivalent-anarchy · 4 years

Text

You've Got Moves (Part 2)

Masterlist

Part 1

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warning: None

A/N: Better late than never, right?😂😂 (wow 2 fics in one week that's crazyyy) Also I put one of my favorite comedy tiktoks in the dialogue soooooo oops? Also Harry and Ned are wingmen who share one brain cell and I like it that way

I might make one more part to this but idk

---------------------------------------

It took 7 months for Peter to ask you out.

It took the time for MJ and Asher to become a couple, homecoming to go by, MJ and Asher to break up, winter formal, midterm exams, MJ and Asher to get back together, and Christmas to go before Peter Parker gathered the guts to even consider thinking about asking you out.

Scared wasn't even the word for it.

Harry Osborn, the new transfer student, laughed at how nervous Peter was at lunch. "Asking girls out is easy, Peter. I do it all the time!"

"You say it like it's the simplest thing on earth," Peter dreaded, to which Harry shrugged.

"Because it is! You just ask. How is it that I've only been at this school for 2 months and I've had more chicks than both you and Ned combined?"

"Hooking up is not a hobby of mine. That's why," Peter retorted with a pitifully unintimidating glare.

Harry shrugged with his shit-eating grin. "It's not my fault the girls and gays can't resist these lips."

Ned chimed in as he threw a french fry into his mouth. "Peter, this isn't like Liz last year. You and [Y/N] are already really close, dude. I'm sure you can just ask her. Who knows? She might say yes!"

"But what if she says no?," Peter groaned. "Then I'll just be one of those people she avoids and barely talks to out of awkwardness." He shifted in his seat nervously. "I don't want that."

"But if you don't say anything then you'll always regret it," Ned pointed out.

Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. "Peter, pull out your phone."

Peter raised his eyebrows in confusion, but followed Harry's instructions.

"Go to her in messages and say 'hey let's get dinner'." He smiled. "See? Simple."

Peter opened your messages in his phone and stared at your profile picture.

'You can do this, Peter. You can do this.'

He bit his lip. "Okay but should I say, 'let's get dinner' or 'do you want to get dinner'?" Seeing Harry's impatient face, he explained himself. "I just feel like those two sentences have completely different vibes, y'know?"

Harry glared at him. "Are you really about to have us telling you what to tell your crush like a bunch of girls?"

Peter didn't know how to answer that question seriously. "Uh...yes?"

Harry pondered the question for a small bit before simply shrugging and answering. "Hmm, go with 'let's get dinner', so you'll sound all confident and assertive."

"Okay."

Before Peter could press send without thinking twice, Ned stopped him. "Well, actually now you sound a little aggressive, man."

"Really?," Peter asked with a wince, immediately erasing the message.

"Yeah, I mean the last thing you wanna be like is the guy that's all like 'let's get dinner' like you're some kind of caveman."

Peter groaned. "Oh no, definitely not."

Ned ate another fry. "You want to ask her to dinner, not tell her to dinner."

"I'll go with 'do you want to get dinner' then," Peter said with a nod.

That one didn't sit well with Harry. "No Pete. Cuz now you sound like a pussy."

Peter slammed his phone onto the lunch table. "This stuff is tough!"

Ned turned towards Harry. "No but listen. The last thing Peter wants to do is come off as the overly masculine type that's all like 'let's get dinner cuz I'm the breadwinner, bitch', y'know?"

Harry shook his head. "Yeah but women also love assertiveness. You have to know what you want."

Peter stared at the table, desperately wanting the conversation to be over. Why would he even go to these two for relationship advice? Harry was the king of hookups and Ned's relationships never lasted longer than a few weeks. What was he thinking? For a guy with a 4.5 GPA, he sure did feel stupid.

"I got it!," Ned exclaimed. "Okay. Text her this. 'Dinner would be something that I would enjoy taking you on, but only if YOU were also interested in attending the meal'." He held his hands up for praise.

Harry nodded. "Mhm. Perfect balance. And the more words the better."

Peter just stared back at them, wondering where he'd gone wrong in life. "...no.... I'm not gonna send her that."

Harry shrugged. "Welp,' he sighed. "I guess some people just don't want to be helped."

So close to slamming his head into the table in front of him, Peter felt a tsunami of relief hit when he saw Asher walk into the cafeteria.

Asher was your best friend. If anyone knew the proper way you'd want to be asked out, it'd be him.

The second Asher noticed Peter looking at him, he made his way over. "Hey Peter. What's up?," he asked as he found an empty seat.

Harry spoke up before Peter had the chance. "Hey Ash. Pick one. 'Let's get dinner' or 'do you want to get dinner'."

Asher thought for a second. "Depends on the girl," he said before taking a bite into his apple. "-but 'do you want to get dinner' is nicer. Why?"

Harry slammed his fist on the table. "Damn it!"

"Yes!," Ned cheered.

Asher looked around the table. "Okay, by why?"

Harry and Ned went quiet and looked to Peter, who was staring anywhere to avoid eye contact. He began to mumble pitifully."I....I-i wanna.. I wanna-"

Harry and Ned spoke up, already tired of the conversation not getting anywhere. "He wants to ask-"

"-I wanna ask [Y/N] out!," he blurted, feeling his cheeks start to burn when Asher's smirk turned into a wide grin.

"Well it's about time!," he exclaimed. "She's been crazy about you since you met."

"Really? She has?," Peter asked. That wasn't even in the realm of possibility in his mind.

Asher nodded. "She's always going off to me about how-" he mocked your higher pitched voice. "I've been dropping him hints since, like, foreverrrr!"

"Seriously?! She has?"

Ned laughed. "Well Peter. She has been calling you cute since the day she met you..."

"But I just always thought it was the friendly kind of cute, y'know?," he rambled. "Not the boyfriend type cute!"

"How many girls are out here calling you cute for you to make that assumption, dude?," Harry asked.

Asher sighed. "So this is what it's like to have low confidence." He shook his head and gave Peter a disappointed look. "I can't say I like witnessing this, Pete."

"Just-" Peter groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. "Just tell me what will work, okay? I need to ask her out perfectly."

Asher tilted his head in confusion. "She's a simple girl. You just have to straight up ask her out. What's the confusion there?"

"That's what I said!," Harry yelled.

"You know he's got to make it difficult for himself for no reason," Ned pointed out.

"Okay can we all talk about how terrible I am at this after you help me?," Peter begged.

"...yeah."

"Sure."

"Ugh, fine."

Peter sighed. "Alright. So?"

"What are you going for?," Asher asked. "Like a gift or something?"

"I just want whatever's the absolute best way to ask her out."

Asher pinched the bridge of his nose. If he was gonna set you up with your crush, he wanted it to happen right.

"Okay," he said, staring Peter in the eyes with a new sort of intensity. "Think about your best moments with her. Now pick something special from all those moments and voila! You'll have it!"

Peter nodded and stared at the ground as he thought for a while about everything he'd done with you since the beginning of school. You were truly the most extraordinary, most confident girl he'd ever met.

Every time he'd thought you couldn't get more perfect, you'd just show him another side of you that was better than the rest. He always stayed endlessly impressed and most of all, he felt as if he didn't have to try too hard with you. He could be himself and mess up as many times as he could manage and you still stuck around, showing him that there needn't be any worries.

And your style? Fuck, you could make anything work for him. You were the only one who could get him out of his comfort zone and in front of a camera, for something as frivolous as a TikTok. But he'd always do it, and even find the fun in it, because it made you happy.

"Remember how we freaked out that first time when she called you cute, Pete?," Ned said. "She said that you were cute and that you only had to put it use!"

Harry laughed. "This girl is literally giving you the instructions, Peter. Take them."

"Hmm." Peter looked up with a smile and snapped his fingers. "I got it."

You tossed popcorn into your mouth and snuggled yourself further into the blanket. "Ash, how can you even say that? 'It' is a horror movie!"

"Yeah, technically," he retorted. "But there's literally not a single part of the movie that's scary. It's more of a drama than anything else."

"You realize the clown phobia rate skyrocketed when the movie came out right?"

Asher scoffed. "Uh, your point? It's not my fault some pussies couldn't sit through it. Still a drama. The story definitely played with your emotions more than your fears."

"Whateverrrr," you laughed. "I can't deal with you."

"Pennywise literally got up and did this," he said before breaking out into Pennywise's dance. He laughed as he kicked his legs out. "What kind of horror movie has this crap in it?" He stopped when he felt the full force of you throwing a pillow on his face. "Ugh!"

"Sit down and get under the covers, idiot," you hissed. "I wanna keep watching these HORROR films."

"Whateverrrr," he drawled out, mocking you. He sighed and plopped down next to you, grabbing a handful of popcorn after.

When school was getting suffocating, marathoning horror movies with Asher were a must. He had an endless repertoire and all the time in the world for his best friend.

Halfway through 'It: Chapter 2' though, the movie was the least of your focus and instead was TikTok.

What could you say? The app was addictive.

It was a big, entertaining, completely useless collage of everything every no-name had to offer, from stupid debates to cringey POV's to fun dance routines.

You tried to hook every friend you could on it. Asher, of course, already knew about it since it first came out and he, of course, had thousands of followers because most of what he posted was random thirsts traps whenever he was feeling hot, which was always. And thirsts traps are always in high demand for the people on TikTok.

You tried to hook MJ on it, but she'd already decided that she didn't like it before even giving it a chance. Even the messy, political side didn't reel her in.

Of course then there was Peter, who didn't know was TikTok even was before he met you. You made it your sole mission to get him hooked, but you'd since given up on that. It was a lost cause. The only time he probably ever saw TikTok nowadays was when he was doing dances with you before gym started. He let you put the app on his phone but he never used it. You wouldn't even put it past him to have deleted it, but it was whatever. TikTok had started his friendship with you, so needless to say, it'd done an amazing job in your life.

Plus your followers were always asking about him. All of the "omg couple goalssss" and "you guys look so cute together" served as massive confidence boosters. A girl can dream, right?

You shifted over a bit when you felt Ash getting closer and closer to you.

When he moved over again, you scooted away, only for him to get closer again. "Ash, what is your deal?"

"Easy there," he chuckled, backing up a little. "I'm looking at the phone, not you."

"You've been all up in my phone all day, what's up?"

"I can't tell you," he shrugged, a sly smirk stretching across his face. "But," he pointed to your tiny screen. "Some idiot is taking wayyyy too long to shoot his shot."

"Shoot his shot?" You gasped. "Who?"

"I'm not at liberty to say," he said with a smirk.

"Nooooo," you whined. "If someone has a crush on me you gotta spill! C'mon, please?"

He laughed and repeated himself. "I'm sorry, but I am not at liberty to say!"

"Bullshit! Who is it? C'mon! C'monnnnnn!"

He shrugged and this time you knew that he was dead set on not giving up the mystery guy.

"Ugh," you pouted. "Fine. Let's just finish the stupid movie."

"Kids next door, battle stations!!!!"

And now it was sometime after midnight. The popcorn was all gone. The movie was done and now you were watching old cartoons so that the horror movie wouldn't be the last thing on your mind before bed.

Looking over, you saw that Asher didn't need any cartoons like you did. He was already passed out, snoring as loud as ever.

Grumbling in boredom, you stared at the wall, trying to connect the tiny dots in the designs. It was like something was officially keeping you from being able to fall asleep.

*Ding!*

At the sound of your phone receiving a text, you sat up curiously. Who was texting you at this hour?

You smiled when you saw that it was Peter.

Pete: hey y/n

You were about to send him a quick,"why are you up this late" text, but he kept typing.

Pete: pls dont judge me too hard for this

With that completely vague warning, you furrowed your eyebrows, concerned.

Y/n: whats up r u okay

He sent you a link next, which confused you, but not as much as when you actually pressed it.

It led you to TikTok, and the video was waiting to be pressed to start. Peter was standing in the middle of the screen with one of his typical corny sweatshirts on. The caption at the top read: "For [Y/N] Only". Smiling already, you quickly pressed play.

You slapped your hand over your mouth. "Oh my God."

"So he finally got the guts, huh?," Asher mumbled, having woken up from the loud music on your phone but was still half-asleep.

"Oh I'm sorry, did I wake you?," you asked. You turned down your phone.

"Don't worry about me, you just got a boyfriend," he chuckled, moving to lay down so he could get to sleep again. "Text him back for god's sake."

~~~

Y/n: its been almost a whole year and youre still so cute when you make those

Pete: haha thanks

Pete: uh

Pete: i really like you y/n

Pete: do u think you'd wanna go out with me or get dinner sometime?

~~~

"He asked me out," you gasped. "Ash, he asked me out!"

Asher rolled over and groaned. "I thought that was already established? Jesus, you two couldn't possibly be moving any slower."

You rolled your eyes. "Fuck you."

"Nah, you're with Peter now," he laughed. "You're gonna have to fuck him instead!" That comment earned him another pillow to the face.

You looked back at the messages and sent a tiny cute one. You smirked at the new idea of what was about to happen and turned it off before going to sleep.

~~~

Y/n: kiss me at school tomorrow and find out

~~~

Didn't do a third edit cuz I got lazy but I'm pretty happy with the turnout anyway. Thanks for reading!

Tagging: @allegra-writes, @allegra-soleil, @yumings, @hey-its-grey, @spideyyeet, @sunkissedspidey, @tommyunderoos, @chaoticpete, @snarky--starky, @sovereignparker, @thesherlockianavenger, @bubblebucky, @kelieah, @eridanuswave, @ithoughtthiswastwitterbutfr, @kidney9-9, @gwenvrse

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chocolate-parfait · 4 years

Note

Okay, I just got myself a tumblr account to ask for this Ikémen Vampire scenario, because the world needs this. Can you do one where the MC questions Mozart about his song "Leck mich im Arsch" (Ger. for "Kiss my ass" (lit. Lick me in the ass). I just can't imagine IkéVamp Mozart composing something like this so please be creative and do something funny. The song really exists btw. Real Mozart was a savage.

Started off serious, became trashy insults somewhere in the middle

Mozart being asked about his song “Kiss my ass” - ikevamp scenario (TW; mature language)

Thoughts are in italic

Bold AND italic is just me highlighting something

"Ugh, it hasn't even been a week and Sebastian is already burying me with work!" You mentally whined as you stretched your arms over your head. "Collect the sheets, wash the dishes, polish the shoes and wash the tablecloths..." each chore you listed made one of your fingers go up, and as the count reached ten you let out a deep sigh. You weren't even nowhere to be finished. "...ain't mama raise no weak bitch. Better get done with this before Sebastian yeets me into oblivion", you quietly spoke to yourself before going back to your full time slavery.

A lonely figure in the long corridor, you walked slightly bent forward for both the heaviness of the basket you were carrying and the mental and physical tiredness of your untrained body. As you took a turn at the end of the hallway, the lone sound of your footsteps found a companion. A sweet melody, a familiar one you had heard as a child, drifted through the air and waltzed its way to your ears. About ten meters from you there was the music room; you remembered it from Sebastian's tour of the house, but mostly because of the ever-so-friendly white haired composer that threatened you to stay kilometers away from him unless you wanted to be smacked to outer space. You had every intention of listening to him and avoiding any type of unnecessary contact with the man, but right now an irresistible curiosity pushed your feet to the prohibited door.

Was he composing something? Would he let you listen to one piece of his or play a modern-time song if you begged hard enough? somebody come git her she's dancing like a stripper If getting on your knees and throwing the last ounce of dignity you still had out of the window meant getting to witness Mozart's genius with your own two eyes --an impassable opportunity, too taunting to be ignored-- then someone better had to open up their purse and buy you some protective knee pads, 'cause ya girl was ready to crawl all around the mansion to get that P iano performance.

Inhaling some well needed air to get oxygen to your already malfunctioning brain in preparation of what was to come, you left the heavy basket full of dirty laundry and responsibilities behind and gently pushed the door open while peeking in with your head through the opening. As soon as he felt a pair of eyes on his back, Mozart abruptly stopped his magical fingers to turn to you, face contorted in an annoyed grimace.

Mozart: what.

MC: I- uh- uhm,,,, uhhhh- I... um

"Great job, chicken brain. The hero I absolutely didn't need right now"

Mozart: "I- uh- uhm,,,, uhhhh- I... um"...? I understand 15 languages and troglodyte isn't one of them. If you have nothing to say then leave.

MC: wait I-

Mozart: you didn't even knock. Are you really that impolite or did you grow up in a cave or something?

It hadn't even been 30 seconds and you had already been owned so hard not even a burnt Thanksgiving turkey could compare to this level of roasting, but there was no way in hell you were going to give up just for some edgy frail-looking man spouting some insults at you. You could probably smash him to the ground if you wanted, maybe... actually it would probably end with him snapping your neck like a twig, but at least the will to punch him was there.

You were ready to talk back with a savage comeback of your own, but before your mind could send the input to your mouth, his curt tone cut you off.

Mozart: Staring at people is a normal thing for future people? Makes me pity mankind. Get out.

...as kind as ever, the pianist! Kinda makes you want to kick him in the shins but you kept that thought to yourself.

As you were about to leave, two pair of footsteps got nearer to you from the corridor. Turning your head to the side you saw the clown duo making its way to the room, and you knew they were the ones who could provide you with the perfect chance to either succeed in your intent or bring you to a violent death.

Arthur: Oh my, what's happening in here? Is our wolfie making a move on our lovely MC before I can ask her out on a date myself?

Dazai: Good evening, Toshiko-san! Is something the matter?

And if this was your only opportunity, then you were going to use all your cards from the beginning. Mustering the best puppy eyes you could manage, you turned to the couple, and with a slightly whiny tone that resembled a half plea for help, you said:

MC: Ah, Arthur, Dazai-san! I just wanted to ask Mozart if I could listen to him playing the piano but he did nothing but be mean to me the whole time! I didn't even speak a word and he's already told me to leave twice~

Mozart: Which you didn't. So now I'm telling you a third time, leck mich. (=bug off)

Catching your subtle hint and feeling in the right mood to mess with the other fellow vampire, they decided to fan the flames of his annoyance by bringing in the discussion that one thing they knew he abhorred talking about.

Arthur: "Leck mich"? Why, Wolfie, you surprise me! You really haven't changed from your youth days, haven't you? My dear MC, did you know that the genius pianist here wrote a song called "Leck mich im Arsch"? A song about licking bums!

Dazai: Buttholes!

Arthur: Arseholes!

Dazai: Bungholes!

This was NOT the type of conversation you would've expected to have in a house full of historically important figures of such caliber, and foremost you were so close to bursting into a raging fit of laughter that only the scary aura of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was preventing you to do so. Despite the amusement you were worried the vein on his temple would explode and show you something you did not sign up for.

Mozart: Haven't I already told you not to bring that up?

Dazai: My, what a chilling smile, Wolfie-kun! Keep that up and you'll scare all the ladies away~

MC: pft——— what ladies?

Mozart: What are you laughing about, dumbass

Arthur: Woah, woah, woah! That's not the proper way to speak to a lady, Mozie! Bad wolf, bad!

Mozart: Did you take me for a dog, you four eyed caveman?

The more the snow white haired man was filled with rage, the more the situation escalated into something even more ridiculous , so much that in the midst of it you didn't even mind the recent insult.

But something was nagging you at the back of your mind. Why did someone as much as a clean freak as him write a song about licking ass? Though you realized Arthur probably gave you the literal translation just to be more direct about his bullying, you guessed it still was something pretty vulgar for someone like him. although you had to admit that the gracious idea you had of him crumbled away the second he opened his mouth

MC: I would've never expected someone like you to write such a song...

Mozart: What are you talking about?

MC: Uhm, you know, you're pretty neat, you don't let anyone touch your piano because of their 'filthy hands'... a piece about butts is a bit...

Mozart: I was still young at the time. My humor used to be different from now, people change in the span of 100 years, you know?

Arthur: Sense of humor? I wasn't aware you had one!

Mozart: Ahahah, so very funny, you stupid tratschtante (=gossip aunt)

Dazai: Maa maa (=now, now ; ara ara maa maa), I don't think the song is that out of character. After all, "licking butts" still has the idea of cleaning something, doesn't it?

Everyone: ...

Arthur: ...That was a bit too much

MC: Yeah, it was.

Mozart: Disgusting. This is why I dont like you people

MC: Wait, so can I listen to-

Mozart: Scram. All of you.

#my writing #answered #ikemen vampire #ikevamp scenarios #ikevamp headcanons #ikevamp imagines #ikevamp mozart #Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

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mst3kproject · 4 years

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The Equinox

'Aleczilla51297′ appears to have made a tumblr purely for the purpose of telling me I need to review Equinox and Godzilla vs Hedorah. I decided to do Equinox first because I’ve already seen Godzilla vs Hedorah, which is one of the preachier Godzilla movies but does have that hilarious bit where the big guy flies by using his atomic breath as a rocket. If Equinox turns out to be a #fuck this movie entry, then Godzilla can act as a sort of a palate-cleanser. And so, without further ado:

Something blows up, a woman called Susan dies, and a dude gets run down by a driverless car. My Dad would feel vindicated – he finds the whole idea of self-driving cars untrustworthy. The victim, whose name is David Fielding, ends up in a mental hospital, where he tells his story to a psychiatrist. Seems that Dave, his pal Jim, Jim’s girlfriend Vicky, and Vicky’s friend Susan, headed up into the mountains for a picnic with their old teacher Dr. Waterman. These people are all idiots.

The four young people arrive to find Waterman’s cabin destroyed and a creepy old man living in a cave nearby, who gives them a locked book. Because the characters don’t know they’re in a bad movie, they don’t realize that the book is clearly the fucking Necronomicon, and decide to crack it open and read it while they eat their KFC. To nobody’s surprise, they’re soon being chased around the countryside by dumb stop-motion monsters. At the end everybody’s dead but Dave, who’s in the mental hospital waiting for the fulfillment of a prophecy that said he would die a year and a day after the original events, but that’s not a spoiler because it was the opening scene.

Let’s go over the shit that happens when these four clowns arrive at Dr. Waterman’s. The cabin’s destroyed and the park ranger who discusses it with them says his name is Asmodeus. Does that sound like a signal you should get the hell out of there? No? Okay, how about when they find a castle they can’t remember being there before? Still no? Well then, on their way to the castle (which later vanishes behind a wall of invisibility, probably because they couldn’t afford interior sets), they come across a cave with Green Goblin laughter echoing out of it, and weird velociraptor footprints all around. Would you leave, or would you light up some torches and go check it out? What about when you find a partially-mummified corpse in the cave?

The whole first ten minutes of the flashback that comprises most of the narrative is a litany of things I’m pretty sure anybody would flee from in real life. I don’t believe much in the supernatural but if I saw all that I would be sure that multiple crimes had been committed and that I wanted no part of it. The characters of Equinox, however, insist on investigating themselves, and continue to make stupid, stupid decisions for the entire run time. Yes, let’s all go in a group to check and make sure the monster is dead. Let’s hang around and bury the bodies ourselves instead of getting back to civilization for a police report and a good stiff drink. Let’s collect the picnic stuff before we leave because that basket cost at least $15 at Wal-Mart. It’s the kind of movie where you start to get annoyed that the characters aren’t dying fast enough. When we finally get back to the opening shot I mainly felt relief that the movie was almost over.

The MST3K movie Equinox most reminds me of is The Day Time Ended: there are people in the middle of nowhere and, for some reason, a bunch of random stop-motiony things happen that never actually add up to a story. Stuff comes and goes without serving any purpose other than to be creepy. Who was Crazy Cave Guy? I at first assumed he was the missing Dr. Waterman but Waterman turns up later and immediately dies, so what’s going on with this other guy? What’s about the cave mummy… who was that? Was the man who showed up to snatch the book actually Dr. Waterman or just a demon in his form? Why is there a random graveyard in the middle of the woods? Why does the psychiatrist have a creepy monster mask on his wall? What’s up with Asmodeus apparently trying to rape Susan without even unbuttoning his pants, and later possessing her so that she does the same thing to Vicky?

Dialogue specifies that Dr. Waterman was a geologist, which seems an odd choice for somebody to be translating ancient documents. I mean, there’s no reason why a geologist can’t have a side interest in ancient manuscripts, but when a movie takes the trouble to tell you something like that there’s usually a reason why. Geology is never important to the plot, even tangentially.

It must be said that Equinox makes slightly more sense than The Day Time Ended, in that we’re actually given a reason why these events are happening. Dr. Waterman had acquired and translated the Necronomicon and could not control the demons he summoned (I am convinced that Sam Raimi saw Equinox when he was around twelve and thought, shit, I could make a better movie than this!). A huge tentacle creature destroyed his cabin, and then there’s the sabre-toothed ogre, the giant green caveman, and of course, the devil himself. These creatures have a motivation: they are determined to get the book back, whether through force or persuasion. The events could still happen in any order, but it all has a common core, rather than being just a collection of Concepts.

In capable hands this story could be made to work (see previous parentheses), but sadly none of the hands involved in making Equinox were remotely capable. The acting is abysmal, mostly just people standing around awkwardly reciting their lines. All the dialogue was then dubbed over in post-production, which makes it even more stiff and awkward. There’s a bit where a guy reads a letter as if he has to sound out each word. The direction and music are bland. Even the costumes are awful. You’d think it would be hard to fuck up costumes in a movie set in the present, but it looks like everyone just turned up to set in their street clothes and they went with that. Good costuming can tell us a lot about characters but the outfits here say nothing. Also, both Vicky and Susan are blondes in blue shirts, and once Susan’s hair falls out of its bun they’re basically indistinguishable.

The characters have no discernable personalities. How they react to things changes from scene to scene, with nobody’s motives clear. The only thing that remains constant is Jim wanting to leave while Dave always wants to stay and take care of something or other. Stuff happens that could result in character development but none of it is ever followed up. The most notable example is when Dave feels terrible guilt over having apparently killed Dr. Waterman, but this is forgotten a few minutes later and we never even find out if the dead man were really Dr. Waterman.

The effects are uniformly bad, but not usually enough so to be entertaining in themselves. The castle is an obvious matte painting and the stuff on the other side of the portal, whether it’s Hell or the Dark Dimension or I don’t even know, is just the same spot in the woods with an orange filter over it. There’s a stupid spinning thing used to represent Asmodeus exercising assorted dark powers. The devil and the sabre-toothed ogre are both stiff and shitty stop-motion puppets. The animation is surprisingly competent for a movie with the budget of Jr. High drama club, but they’re still not good. The one exception is the giant green caveman, which looks dumb but is quite convincing as occupying space and interacting with the characters.

One might expect that this movie would be about the temptation of evil. The monsters in it are summoned using a book of dark knowledge, and in trying to get the book back Asmodeus offers Jim anything he wants – money, prestige, women, you name it. Problem is, there’s never any sign that the main characters are in fact tempted. The crazy guy in the cave wants nothing from the book except to get rid of it. He passes it on to Dave and Jim with evident glee. Dr. Waterman’s interest in it, according to his notes, was purely scientific. He summoned demons just to see if he could do it, but he doesn’t appear to have gained anything thereby except the knowledge that it works. The main characters never even attempt to use the book, even to get themselves out of this mess, they just run around trying to keep it out of the hands of the monsters. I’d say it’s like if every character in The Lord of the Rings was book-Faramir, but only a colossal nerd would use an example like that.

Honestly, I think this movie was about the wrong characters. Dr. Waterman’s process of discovering the book and learning to use it, only to realize he’s unleashed things he cannot control, would probably have been a much more interesting story. The characters from this film could have shown up at the end to fish the book out of the mess, with the implication that they will be its next victims. This would have been a much better way to explore the ideas of temptation, making a Faust-like character out of Waterman as he is tempted not by riches or fame, but by knowledge and power.

Equinox is not quite #fuck this movie bad. In order to earn that tag, a film has to be unwatchably dull and/or morally repugnant. I didn’t have any trouble sitting through Equinox but I also didn’t really enjoy the experience. As movies about demonic forces go, it’s pretty bland and nothing much really seems to happen. I guess that means I have to forgive Aleczilla51297 for sending it to me, but I’m still looking really forward to a Godzilla film or two.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #equinox #tw: rape #70s

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taewoongfmd · 3 years

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hello! this is peyton (mun of impulse’s hwang daesung) with my second character — unity’s lead vocal, moon taewoong. like this if you’re interested in plotting & i’ll hit you up asap! (btw, i have a discord now; i didn’t drop the tag in dae’s intro bc i hadn’t made it yet, but it’s peyton#2067! feel free to add me there w/o asking).

private profile / idol profile / pinterest

woong is from seoul, which is where he spent the first seven (7) years of his life. but then his parents divorced super suddenly & his dad ~kept the house~ so woong, his mom and his four siblings had to find somewhere else to go. they ended up moving to handong-ri on jeju island and settling in with the mom’s parents on their tangerine farm. so....... yeah he moved from seoul to a fuckin village 😭

really spacious house, really spacious property, really pretty property, but woong was not happy at all. he missed seoul & missed his dad, who made no effort to continue being a father figure after the divorce which was also Really Shocking because he was a great dad before that.

but, life goes on. woong was still really young anyway, so he adjusted to the farm life + to jeju. he ended up finding an activity that got him off the farm and that he actually really, really liked, too — soccer!!! he was a fast learner, naturally athletic so he did well and his coach had a LOT of faith in him. eventually he formed the plan to return to seoul as an athlete / to train in a big sports center there but y’know... life can’t be that easy.

aka he got badly injured during a match in 2013 / when he was 16. managed to tear BOTH his acl and pcl, so his leg was Fucked. had to get surgery and the whole recovery process (including physical therapy) took a year and some change. very bad time. i would even call it a Horrible time. he didn’t feel like he was good at anything other than soccer so he was like damn... how am i gonna get out of here now?

but he had his height and his subjective good looks going for him 🤪 in 2014, he had more or less recovered as well as he was going to, was kinda tentative about trying soccer again but Wanted to. before he could work up the courage, he was street casted by a dimensions rep. his family clowned him hard for thinking it was real so he kinda went to the audition to prove that he’s not THAT dumb, kinda went bc he needed an excuse to get tf back into a city, man. handong was NOT cutting it for him.

long story short he became a trainee from pure luck (and some natural talent ig), moved to seoul which fucked up his family relationships to some extent bc him leaving was VERY sudden, no one except his oldest sister even knew that he had been planning to leave for sports. assumed he’d stay there forever, thought it was fucked up that he was so quick to run away.

i’m gonna jump ahead to 2021... i wouldn’t really say that he hates unity, but he definitely feels like an outsider looking in. doesn’t have a background in music, so being an idol at all still feels really weird, but especially with unity’s ~experimental~ music.

he’s distant. when he was younger (and even in his earlier idol days), he was nice enough. not loud, but would laugh and play along with others if they spoke to him first, would reach out to others first on occasion. but his company-assigned image is a mix between tsundere & the “assa” / outsider type; detached, fine on his own, a bit cold/mean/aggressive. like vixx’s leo earlier on but a little more toned-down. going with the outsider portion, he also has the clueless/living under a rock vibe going for him, so fans call him caveman woong 💀 it used to be JUST an image but ultimately fucked up his ability to connect with other people so now he’s rly like that most of the time (and really doesn’t keep up with the world LOL) you can talk to him but his social skills are so bad now that he’ll ignore you but not on purpose.... mf just doesn’t know what to say ever bc he’s been told Not To Talk so much.

he isn’t.... necessarily... mean. he can be, but i’d personally say that he’s more of a self-focused, no bullshit type. really lonely guy who doesn’t know how to interact with others anymore. i guess he wants to relearn people skills, but he’s not trying at the moment. content to just float around in his bubble.

known for being really strong/athletic, which has become one of his very few defining characteristics as an idol. he cannot count the times that he’s shown off his strength by holding a note while splitting fruit on variety shows or dribbled soccer balls for extended periods of time. He’s Tired.

a lesser-known skill he shows off sometimes is his ability to identify plants. if you don’t know him as the athletic guy or the cold guy, you probably know him as the nature guy. he has most korea-native plants memorized and he’s currently working on learning exotic plants. one unspoken goal he has is to show off on a show like law of the jungle.

he raises a bunch of different fish / water-dwelling creatures. has three different tanks.

talks to his fish like they’re babies. if you ever catch him doing this, no you didn’t <3

he used to be REALLY secretive about his family, only ever said that he used to live in jeju but never shared details or clarified any speculations. his privacy disappeared when his family started promoting the tangerine farm as “a place full of unity’s woong’s charms” and allowing visitors, which pissed him off SO BAD because they were making money off of HIS labor... and then they realized he has a lot of fans & they couldn’t handle it, so they closed off the farm to the public again. somehow, this made him even more angry.

he doesn’t really do any solo activities and idk if i’m ever going to push him as an individual? idk i might but he’s honestly not that interesting/appealing to anyone other than his stans so i don’t see the company pushing him and he doesn’t have much of a desire to do anything on his own in the public eye, either. lowkey so tired that he kinda wishes he’d just stayed in jeju but at the same time..... knows if he had, he’d still be looking for a way out??? idk he’s just here to promote unity’s ~experimental~ songs and pretend like he has a sense of identity.

#fmdintro

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