Death is part of life. This is a fact that I'm reasonably comfortable with. And yet, when someone I love dies, I can't bring myself to delete them from my contacts list. It seems too much like a willful act of forgetfulness, a dishonor to their memory.
(Or perhaps it just seems too final. Maybe I'm only comfortable with it as an abstract.)
And the count has just increased by one.
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How can you love someone that hurt you
How can I be so afraid of letting go
but for abuse, there is no true afterglow
these new supports you've built will never hold up
saying it's all in my head, but it crumbles down every time
pretend it's not real time and time again
but I can feel it every time I go to bed and haunting everywhere I've ever been
rage builds out of sorrow and I can't see why I'm the only one who mourns that little girl
the schoolgirl that knew she deserved to be treated like a pearl
that was before she knew, and before your hand on her grew
the rag her mind became was soaked in tears and drains out twisted years
She should have been so, so, much, but I'm collecting evidence for a police report instead
-
On repeat lately -
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But, Lord, you made me feel important
And then you tried to erase us
Taylor Swift - Could've, Would've, Should've
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taylor swift makes music for the girls who let a boy into their life and inadvertently let all of the bad in with them, who have spent months– no, years– cleaning out the hidden parts of their heart and crying as the dust is swept out the door. she writes songs for the girls who could not have possibly predicted the pain that came hidden behind a man who still claims he is good and right and righteous down to the marrow in his bones and the enamel on his teeth. i hate you i scream with taylor i hate you and i hate what you've done to me and i miss who i used to be and i'd like to be my old self again. i rearrange every four letter name i read and search for that same tawdry feeling just to feel something again and i hope you feel sorry for yourself. i hope the squeezing pain in my chest used to wake you up in the middle of the night and i hope you felt the tears web on my eyelashes from a hundred miles away. taylor swift writes songs for the girls who have moved on– but know that the first time someone deliberately hurts you never really goes away, that wounds need to be redressed until they heal. i wish you'd left me wondering.
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The most evil diabolical thing spotify has ever done to me is shuffle Love Story (TV) after Could've Would've Should've
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If you would've blinked then I would've
Looked away at the first glance
If you tasted poison, you could've
Spit me out at the first chance
If I was some paint, did it splatter
On a promising grown man?
And if I was a child, did it matter
If you got to wash your hands?
Ooh, oh
All I used to do was pray
Would've, could've, should've
If you'd never looked my way
I would've stayed on my knees
And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil
At nineteen
And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven
And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts
Memories feel like weapons
And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering
If you never touched me, I would've
Gone along with the righteous
If I never blushed, then they could've
Never whispered about this
And if you never saved me from boredom
I could've gone on as I was
But, Lord, you made me feel important
And then you tried to erase us
Ooh, oh
You're a crisis of my faith
Would've, could've, should've
If I'd only played it safe
I would've stayed on my knees
And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil
At nineteen
And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven
And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts
Memories feel like weapons
And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering
God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be
The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind
I regret you all the time
I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep
The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign
I regret you all the time
If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first
And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil
At nineteen
And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven
And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts
Memories feel like weapons
And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering
God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be
The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind
I regret you all the time
I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep
The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign
I regret you all the time
Oh, God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be
The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind
I regret you all the time
I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep
The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign
I regret you all the time
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for some strange reason I feel the need to apologize for Taylor's decision to mash these two up, as if I had any say in her doing this, so to all the Ivy and WCS stans I give you my condolences
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having many violent thought towards a certain john whose last name sounds like the title of an elected head of a city, town, or other municipality.
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