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mittenskittensslay · 2 months

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Hi!

I'm doing a project for school, and I need to have some stories from real people to back up my point. My topic is representation in media and how it affects mental health. I was wondering if you had any stories about a movie/show that has helped your mental health or educated you on something? I know media and representation have really helped me to figure myself out and made me feel seen, so I wanted to do this topic because of that. I really need more stories from real people, so I'm asking people online and hoping some of them reply lol. Thank you!

Wow, thanks for asking me! When is your project due? I don't know when it is but I hope I replied fast enough and I hope this helps you! :D

Well, for me personally, the way The Owl House handles neurodiversity, and LGBTQ2S+, and disability is an eye-opening experience because it was previously unseen to this extent! Notable examples are all how all the characters are shown as no less! They don't have to be "normal" or fit in! What is normal, anyway? They're celebrated and valued for being wholeheartedly, shamelessly, and unapologetically their amazing, authentic selves! No matter who you are, you're valid, there's no normal and it's not frowned upon! The manner in which they're portrayed, they're so well written and that has helped people understand that they're actually neurodiverse, or LGBTQ2S+, has helped them reach out to others and seek for help when needed, myself included!

Luz struggles to fit in on Earth and Eda as well as King, Hooty, and the Collector have a hard time belonging on the Boiling Isles. However, by being open and accepting, they realize that "us weirdos gotta stick together!" to quote the Owl Lady, which is one of the pivotal, if not the main message of this show which is "You gotta be your own witch!" Also how "magic (literally) comes from the heart" it's one of the endless reasons why I love the Owl House so much and my love for it will never die.

The Owl House has allowed me to embrace myself, love myself wholeheartedly and practice more self-care. It's helped me come out of my shell and make friends thanks to the treasure it is that we fans cherish and its beautiful fandom that lets us form profound bonds by sharing this deep love and creating our own fan arts and fan fics. Luz teaches us and helps us, reminds us to be even more vulnerable, and spread sunshine and joy, love, goodness and kindness everywhere we go, to go with all our heart wherever we go! I love myself for being autistic and a genderfluid aroace lesbian even more now thanks to them. This cartoon has even aided me in realzing my sexuality and neurodiversity.

Look, kid, everyone wants to believe they're "chosen". But if we all waited around for a prophecy to make us special, we'd die waiting. And that's why you need to choose yourself." - Eda Clawthorne

"You know, you can't hide from your fears forever, which is why you've gotta get the jump on them. Give 'em a whack right in the face." - Eda Clawthorne

Please, do yourself a favor. Never hide. I've been different than others around me all my life and will proudly continue to do so, wearing it as a badge of honor because if you don't then you insult yourself, you don't live with integrity. Easier said than done but you've got to because if you're not you, then who are you? Never let the haters get you down. I relate to Luz and the others as being a proud outsider who found friends and found family also! Imagine if Luz and the others conformed. I have always found it difficult to be who I am, it doesn't always come out but Luz is so inspiring she's so herself, unique, and spontaneous in everything, makes us accept ourselves and that way I have never been happier to be me, you feel connection to the characters: they represent you, they're others just like you: this is a part of you and I love every part of you. Break free from toxicity and recognize it. Being understood is one of the best feelings. Eda accepting her curse has allowed me to accept every part of myself. It show people that LGBTQ2S+ exists and there's no need to be afraid. Change your life, you're not a tree that's stuck, find your tribe. Keeping things in is self destructive. "Does it have to be perfect?" like the most powerful witch of the Boiling Isles says again. True friendship is also shown, being there for each other. This show also tells us that we make the labels for ourselves, we define. It's how you feel, not trying to fit in the mold, you don't need to meet every single thing on a checklist or match all criteria. The labels are what they are precisely because every beautiful individual adds their own meaning and flavor to it.

Basically, to sum it all up, it portrays neurodiverse and LGBTQ2S+ folks accurately and most importantly in a way that people can relate to and feel good about themselves. For example, for me personally, it helped me open up more, embracing and expressing my true and best self, every day we get better and better. We become more social and actually truly connect with others deeply due to our shared love for the owl house which is usually hard for me to do as a high-functioning, self-advocating, and self-diagnosed autistic (or Aspie, though I don't use this label now since its no longer in use). It shatters stigma and stereotypes. It's simply groundbreaking. With love, and support, found friends, and family both biological and found, you can thrive, not just survive, and be loved, and accepted for exactly who you are nothing lees you're just weird enough to be the awesome you that you are. These and countless others are the feel good messages of this show.

Of course this essay wouldn't be complete if I didn't mention Amity Blight! Almost everyone in the Owl House undergoes key character development and their life as they know it changes in the best possible way, no less than thanks to Luz Noceda, which is an astonishingly beautiful thing but I believe I can safely speak for many, if not all of us (also yours truly), when I say that Amity undergoes the most amazing and impressive character development I've ever seen so far! Goes without saying! She starts off being seen as a bully when in fact it is later revealed she never was. It's never taken for granted that Luz with the sunshine she is and spreads selflessly everywhere, helped Amity rediscover her true self. Amity understands and goes on a journey or self improvement. If that's not inspiring, then I don't know what it and I'm not exaggerating here! Amity does a lot of self work, recognised her mistakes and attempts to become a better friend to Luz pretty quickly.

Hm, I wonder if when Luz said, "I'm not a witch but I'm training hard to be one." and showed Amity the ball of light emerging from the light glyph, she was speaking to her essence and broke through/got through to her!

And then, when Amity said "remember to turn on the light" to Luz and saved her in WAD, she woke her up bc she reminded her that Luz is light, literally!

Luz helps Amity remember who she really is, to return to her true self, who she always has been deep down, not just sb trying to achieve ultimate status and Amity helps Luz remember that she's the light of everyone's life! To continue to be who they really are! They saw through each other! I think they also literally became each other - Amity became Luz's light and Luz was suffering with the same issues as Amity, thinking that she ruined everyone's lives which was definitely not true in both cases! Neither Luz nor Amity ruined everyone's lives, ofc! It was the complete opposite! And they did what one did for the other as I said above but reversed!

Bc Amity and Luz are essentially the same -both so positive, carefree (maybe not always but eventually and unafraid to be themselves), dorky, nerdy goofballs who are so kind and sweet and powerful and so much more and full of love! (But also different in their own unique way)!

Love and kindness always win in the end and we have them inside us! We are love and kindness themselves! We just need to give each other a chance!

Luz, Raine, Masha, The Collector, King, Papa Titan, Amity, Hunter, and basically everyone is probably on the spectrum so hats off to everyone and them. Eda helped me confirm my gayness, something I was already aware of before the Owl House. Same goes for the characters mentioned above: Luz as genderfluid; Raine, Masha and The Collector non-binary; Papa Titan as probably non-binary/agender genderfluid? (Feel free to correct me, sorry if I'm wrong)! Vee also (however, I don't think the creators have canonically confirmed whether she's/they're envy or demigirl or something similar but I'm assuming this headcanon respectfully and again, if I'm wrong, please feel free to correct me and educate me because I believe we're all always stil learning! However, again because people are allowed to be truly themselves - as it should be -and not marginalized and hiding for that, we can thrive. I understood that I can actually be attracted to women (I already knew that before, I believe I even had a type already, Eda basically confirmed that or the feelings around that time just happened to coincidentally appear and feel more real not because necessarily because of their frequency and intensity because you can still be attracted to someone even if the attraction isn't always there and strong (hence my aroace label) whether it's frequent and or not intense. Aroace folks can feel or not feel love and attraction and want or not want a relationship and sometimes I have felt not wanting that but it's always very brief, I do want love, I'm too much of a hopeless romantic at heart not too! I also already knew i was genderfluid. I'm a cis woman, I've always mainly identified as a woman but I'm more than just that "label": its doesn't define me fully. It's broad and vague so I feel it fluctuates. I can be and express myself as any gender: no gender, both genders - its never fixed. Before however I always knew I wasn't straight but I wasn't sure if i was LGBTQ2S+. I used to think I was demi sexual, panromantic but it's exactly why all kinds of representation is vital! It's ok to be a late bloomer but if this cartoon existed earlier it would have helped. Dana Terrace herself claimed to be a late bloomer also. Speaking of which, a huge thank you to her and her crew for creating the Owl House! They changed our lives forever in the best possible way! The connection and love between us fans, whether casual viewers or die hard fans will always be priceless: this show means everything to me and always will!

There's a lot more that can be covered but the essay would go on far too long and I don't know the word limit for your project but I hope this is enough!

This is an awesome post I found Life lessons from TOH

#Helping out a mewtual with school project #You're welcome #hun! 😁🤗💕xo #Coming back to this post a few hours later #I hope I expanded enough on the points I made in the essay #Let me know if it requires more details and/or if you need any further help #Please don't hesitate to ask me 😊#Made some changes and added some further points #Couldn't resist 😜#Got more brain waves and just had to add more stuff!#I'll probably come back with more points later XD but feel free to use this #If you want #As it already is!

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moron-hassaikai-and-more · 11 months

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Character ask: hojo!!

:0 UNDERRATED CRYSTAL BOI!!

Quick heads up: there’s brief overdose mention and suicide right at the end so be wary of that if you think that’ll be triggering to you.

What I like about him: How much he clearly cares for Tabe and Setsuno (blah blah the camaraderie warms my heart, blah blah trauma from having no friends in school blah blah), pretty Crystals, buff man make brain go brrr.

What I dislike about him: that one screenshot where you can see he’s got stubble under his mask. No. Fucking shave your face dude. You already shave your head. Also that he got no screen time outside of getting his ass kicked :’)

Favourite moment: explaining why he and the other 2/3s of the trash trio are so close and that they’re not worth anything without each other (EEEEEEEEEE-)

Least favourite moment:

Cries at that panel

Situations I want to see more: Give me day to day trash trio shenaniganary. I want them doing normal stuff: going grocery shopping, hanging out with the other bullets, pestering overhaul, just slice of life stuff. I’d also love his relationships with Toya and Tabe to be developed more. Like, yeah, they’re trash but with each other they’re trash with meaning (EEEEEEEE-*is knocked out) but I want to know the actual dynamics. Toya is supposed to be the leader, do they actual respect that? (See more on this in the head cannon bit)

Interesting AU: One where he’s in a bizarre interlinked family tree with like, 6 others from the series. This is one me and my bf made, I dubbed it the Sin AU because each person’s quirk is from one of the seven deadly sins: Midnight is Lust, Deidoro is Gluttony, Monoma is Envy, Hojo is Greed, Tiger is Sloth, and there were two more I can’t recall at the current time. It doesn’t really do much other than add another layer of depth to the character, but I think it’s cool none the less. (Also I wanna see how the family reunions would go lol)

Crossover: Give this man a cavern crasher, give this man a rock stomper, we’re going to Berk, Gadies and Lents. I wanna see the entire Hassaikai with dragons from how to train your dragon so bad!! (I actually have headcannons for everyone! If you want to know I’ll elaborate in the notes)

OTP: ok ok ok. It’s weird, I know, but you gotta hear me out on this one: Hojo and Pixie Bob. The reason I say this is linked back to the Sin AU (Ibara must have coded my iPad or something, it won’t let me type sin without autocorrecting to sun a million times) because I Headcannon Deidoro and Ragdoll to be friends/partners/no one can fucking tell, so because Ragdoll and pixie are best friends, and in that au Deidoro and hojo were brothers, plus Hojo and tiger were related, it just kinda fell into place. Plus Pixie is super desperate for a partner and I feel like Hojo gets zero bitches, he’s the human embodiment of the ‘No bitches?’ Meme. Anyways.

Other ships: Overhaul and Chrono (because under no circumstance will I ever split them up). Purely cos I saw a post saying that entire rant about the trash trio being useless without overhaul and them owing everything to him was said by Hojo, not Setsuno, and it sounding like he had a crush on him.

BROTP: the rest of the trash trio. Duh.

NOTP: anyone from the league except now that I think about it I can weirdly see him working with Magne? …hm. And any pro too.

Headcannon time!!!

1. While Setsuno is the ‘leader’ of the trash trio, and he’s good at it, don’t get me wrong, he can definitely strategise and knows what he’s doing, he’s terrible at just…existing day to day life, so Hojo typically has to help him. He’s his common sense, in a way. He’s to Setsuno what Tengai is to Rappa, just both are a lot happier with the arrangement.

2. He and Setsuno actually knew each other before they joined the hassiakai, not well but they attended the same school and had a few classes together.

3. He’s 22 years old and the oldest of the trash trio. He’s also the third tallest in the bullets at 6’1 (only Rappa and Katsukame are taller cos…yeah. Btw this is completely ignoring the canon evidence showing otherwise because Tabe is not allowed to be tall. He is baby and he is no taller than 5’3 and I will bite anyone who says otherwise. I’m only saying this because I want to be taller than at least one person in the hassiakai-)

4. Sad backstory time. He was orphaned: his dad cheated on his mum before Hojo was born and his mum died of a drug overdose when he was around four. He was then moved to live with his aunt who..wasn’t an amazing parent but was better than what he had previously. As he got older, about 16, he found out what actually happened with his parents, and attempted to find his dad. He eventually managed to get in contact with him- however his dad wanted nothing to do with him. This destroyed him and he attempted to end his life, however overhaul found him and took him in. A few months later, Setsuno joined, and then Tabe about half a year after that, and with that, the trash trio was fully formed.

Huh. Didn’t know I had that much to say about him. I really thought I’d have a few sentences for each question…anyways, hope you enjoyed!

#post office #yu hojo #trash trio #shie hassaikai #mha #plague researcher

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blazeoflife · 2 months

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~my makeshift verse page~

i will be rping junpei mainly in the 'main timeline' and will be attempting to tag all future rps with these tags and such. this also lists alternative timelines at the bottom.

Main Timeline :: 001 of 003 :: tagged as [ verse;; as it was ]

-> this timeline follows persona 3 reload. junpei is the same as he is normally and everything is still the same--shinjiro dies, chidori sacrifices her life and then is brought back to life, the same old same old. -> minato arisato is the leader.

Main Timeline :: 002 of 003 :: tagged as [ verse;; time to follow my dreams ]

-> this is a continuation of the previous timeline--occurs post p3r and up to the end of Ultimax. -> junpei is a little league coach, wanting to change lives of younger kids since he never had that person in his life to inspire him and wanted to do that for children. -> he does go to community college and gets an associate's degree in sociology and is able to form many bonds after the fact. -> everything is still the same in arena and ultimax.

Main Timeline :: 003 of 003 :: tagged as [ verse;; watch me change the world for the good ]

-> this is a continuation of the previous timeline--occurs after Ultimax and beyond. -> junpei eventually runs into the phantom thieves, unknown to him, and forms a bond with a couple of them. -> he is eventually brought into the fight, but that's to be brought up for a different time and when it actually happens ;)

However, there are moments where the butterfly effect occurs... leading into the next couple timelines being altered.

Alternative Timeline :: 01 of 06 :: tagged as [ verse;; arcana swap : magician to emperor ]

-> this is a timeline where junpei's arcana is swapped around. instead of him being the magician, he switches with Akihiko Sanada--he has the Emperor arcana. -> junpei loves baseball, but he takes up swimming as his school sport. and he excels at it.

Alternative Timeline :: 02 of 06 :: tagged as [ verse;; it takes two to make a thing go right ]

-> this is a timeline where the twins, Minako and Minato Arisato, are both the leaders of SEES--it leads to one being the main team lead while the other is backup, just in case something happens. -> in this timeline, everyone lives, except for Minato who offers himself to be the great seal.

Alternative Timeline :: 03 of 06 :: tagged as [ verse;; don't you forget about me ]

-> this is a timeline where Minako Arisato is the leader. same as the main timeline, but Minako dies whereas Shinjiro and Chidori both live. yadda yadda, the same stuff a la p3p.

Alternative Timeline :: 04 of 06 :: tagged as [ verse;; i've got your back--trust me ]

-> this is a timeline where Junpei actually becomes the leader of SEES, seeing as the leader (be it minato or minako) didn't want to. it blossoms junpei into a confident and more happier being, but it leads to many different outcomes with chidori, shinjiro, and strega.

Alternative Timeline :: 05 of 06 :: tagged as [ verse;; time to show my true colors ]

-> this persona 4 alternative timeline is one where junpei is a second year at yasoinaba instead of yosuke. -> his parents are together and created junes as a place for a family to meet up if anyone was ever lost. it was like a beacon of sorts lol -> WIP.

Alternative Timeline :: 06 of 06 :: tagged as [ verse;; i do things my own way ]

-> this final alternative timeline is one where junpei is a member of the phantom thieves, replacing ryuji. -> junpei was an avid baseball player and brought the school together when he was bringing home trophies with his friends. however, he received an arm injury, thanks to kamoshida, and cannot raise his left arm up all the way. -> he had to have surgery to fix the torn tendon and he had to eventually leave the baseball team--made him lose his friends and his close connections. even with the surgery and rehab, his arm is still not at 100%, not even at 80%. -> junpei's mom and dad are both together, but it's a strained relationship, almost leading into a separation because of his father drinking and his mom working long hours to pay for junpei's hospital bills.

#ooc #kiki speaks #verses for junpei iori #(I DID IT!#i made up like a couple of these on the spot BUT I DID IT!!#i kinda like my arcana swap one and my p5 one. just cause it sounds fun as shit lol)

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iwaisuke · 3 years

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i like you so much, you'll know it

ft. kageyama tobio, semi eita, iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

genre: fluff (prompts are based off lines of the song)

masterlist

a/n: from the c-drama a love so beautiful :) i wrote this at like 4am so sorry if its crap haha. not proof read either. also, sorry in advance if they're too ooc lol im a mess rn.

» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

i like your eyes, you look away when you pretend not to care i like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear. i like you more the world may know but dont be scared cause im falling deeper baby be prepared.

» today was your first day at karasuno highschool. honestly, you were so scared. that was up until you found out kageyama was going too.

» the two of you had been childhood friends due to each others grandparents knowing the others. you had been with him through his ups and downs. his victories and defeats. almost everything kageyama did, you were there with him.

» actually, you didnt know kageyama was going to karasuno until you walked outside your door to find the raven haired boy in the same school uniform as you

» "tobi? you never told me you were going to karasuno?" giving him a side eyed grin. "i thought you were planning on going to aoba johsai like oikawa senpai and iwaizumi senpai"

» you viewed kageyama as someone who expected others to reach his level in order to be a good match for him. he had a strong head on his shoulders. naturally gifted in volleyball, like everything was given to him on a gold platter. of course, he wasnt perfect and thats where you come in and keep him level headed. helping him understand his faults and weaknesses as well. doing your best to encourage the setter

» he let out a sigh. a slight frown forming on his face. "i didnt get in.." he quietly said. "karasuno has a good volleyball team though and i can feel myself growing here" he stated bodly

» and boy was he right. something about kageyama did changd that day. he usually was so bitter and angry. a very pessimistic look on life if he and others weren't at the top. maybe it was the orange haired boy, hinata, that the setter and you became friends with. and maybe it was his great senpai's who were patient with him and gave him the opportunity to grow

» kageyama started smiling more often. his small unnoticeable dimples showing. he became kinder. softer. and more carefree. he was a growing boy both mentally and physically.

» what you didnt realize was that not only was kageyama changing, you as well, had something changing and growing in your heart.

» but kageyama noticed. oh boy did he really notice, the way you seemed to become happier and livelier by the day. how the stars sparkled in your eyes when you talked about something you enjoyed. the kind of perfume you would wear and how you would tie your hair differently each day. the weird trinkets you just seemed to love that decorated your bag. but most importantly, how much bigger your heart has become, loving everyone and their faults. always encouraging and motivating him and his team.

» was she always like this? he would constantly think to himself. all of a sudden being hyperaware about you... but he would NEVER let you know that, let alone his senpai's. it was just too embarrassing. just thinking about the never ending teasing he'd get from tanaka and noya senpai made him shiver.

» all of these things he felt about you hit kageyama like a truck the day everyone started to wear their winter uniforms.

» picking you up to walk to school together was a normal thing since the two of you lived close, but how was kageyama suppose to do this now when you're standing in front of him. thigh high socks to keep your legs warm, an oversized jacket that you had borrowed from him a while back you forgot to return. white mittens to cover your cold hands and the slight blush on your face from the wind chill.

» "does it look weird?" you shyly asked. kageyama was silent. "ah.. give me a second. I'll go back in and change real qui-"

» kageyama tugged on your hand. "its fine. lets just go to school or we'll be late." refusing to look you in the eyes. heat rising to your cheeks as tobio dragged you along with him.

» your feelings for the setter had blossomed over the past few months. falling deeper and deeper into him, and at this point you felt like you couldnt hide it anymore. you just had to tell him. tell him all the wonderful things he's done. the way he's grown and how much he means to you.

» "tobi..." your soft voice spilling out. eyes closed, the fog of your breath coming out as you exhaled. "i lik-"

» you felt something wrap around your neck. "wait y/n..." kageyama spoke, interrupting what you were about to say. not gonna lie, you felt like your heart was about to be shattered like ice eventhough kageyama continued to wrap his scarf around your neck.

» "dont say it..." he quietly said as he began to walk forward without you.

» ah... is this what rejection feels like? i didnt even get to say it properly... your hands felt colder now that kageyama wasnt holding them anymore.

» he took a quick glance back at you. blush on his cheeks. "be prepared because i want to be the one to tell you first."

i like the way you try so hard when you play ball with your friends. i like the way you hit the notes in every song you're shinnin' i love the little things like when you're unaware, i catch you steal a glance and smile so perfectly

» semi eita, your 3 year heart throb from the moment he first spoke to you.

» at first, you had suppressed these feelings, telling yourself he would never look at you the same way. but something about the blonde tsundere struck a chord in your heart that you just couldn't forget.

» the two of you ended up becoming friends. closer than you had actually imagined within these past 3 years. doing everyday life with you. waking up and saving you a spot at breakfast. helping you with your studies in exchange for being his workout buddy and motivator.

» semi kept his tabs on you. your likes and dislikes. the things that made you smile and the things that made you groan in disgust, but he would never let you know that.

» to semi, you were his breath of fresh air. the song he has on repeat everyday. the kind of person who would keep him on his toes. in a good way of course

» "oi what are you daydreaming of this time?" semi asked as you zoned out while drinking your carton of strawberry milk. "hm? oh nothin. just thinkin about whats in store for us today!" reaching your arms above your head letting out a stretch. "i just know for a fact. today is gonna be a good day." semi chuckled at your optimistic claim. "how do you know for sure?" "i dont know how. i just do" you replied with a smile on your face.

» today, shiratorizawa had a practice match with aoba johsai and today, eita was picked to be in the starting line up. the pure joy that radiated from his body. maybe today was a really good day just like how you had said.

» semi took a quick glance up into the stands, you gave him a thumbs up and wished him good luck. his smile was brighter than you had ever seen it and his eyes shined like stars. he always told you that whatever chance he got on the court, he would be sure to not let his team down no matter what. he was in his zone. playing his best and sure enough, they had won all 3 matches.

» after practice, semi and you would hang out at his dorm afterwards. he liked to show you all the new songs he was working on. whether it was a cover or a song or a song he was writing on his own.

» the two of you leaned against the wall as you sat on semi's bed. his sheet music all sprawled out before him on his bed sheets. guitar in his arms and you beside him.

» "what are you working on semi?" "a song" "well obviously dum dum" you laughed, reaching out for a paper in front.

» "so who's the special lady?" you teased him as you read the lyrics. deep down inside you could only wish these words were meant for you. a blush formed on eita's face. "just... shut up about it... its not ready yet"

» it was getting late and falling asleep at semi's place was a normal occurrence at this point. your eyes became heavy and your head started bobbing.

» "sleepy?" eita asked as he noticed your eyes drooping. "mhm. sing for me semi? please?" his voice was so soft like a mothers touch yet somehow had the power to pierce through your soul sometimes. although, it never failed to help you fall asleep when you needed it.

» hesitantly, semi started humming. softly speaking some lyrics here and there. you didnt know where the tune was from so you listened the best you could.

» "... till the last of snow dissapears ... till a rainy day, becomes clear. never knew a love like this, now i can't let go..."

» your eyes had closed. slumber taking over you as you fell onto semi's shoulder.

» "im in love with you... and now you know..."

» yeah. today was a good day. just like you said it was going to be.

in a world devoid of life, you bring color. in your eyes i see the light, my future. always and forever i know i cant let you go. im in love with you and now you know

» to iwaizumi, unlike volleyball, oikawa, maki, mattsun, school, anything life threw at him; you were the thing in his life that was constant yet at the same time a whirlwind of new beginnings. not in a bad way though.

» ever since you were kids, you showed iwaizumi the beauty in things he would have never guessed had. he was bold and tended to look over things without giving them much thought. his eyes straight ahead to the trials before him. you on the other hand, stopped him and slowed him down from rushing into them blindly.

» "every moment is precious. you should learn to cherish it because you never know when it's gonna be your last" you always said

» your views of the world were beautiful compared to how cruel it actually was. naivety maybe? or maybe it was just because you were blessed with a kind soul.

» iwaizumi always knew he had feelings for you. you had been with him through thick and thin. he could depend on you and you could depend on him. in his eyes, you were the most beautiful person on earth. deep down he had hoped the two of you could stay like that forever. nothing could ever change that.

» or so he thought...

» "iwa chan~ you owe me a meat bun" oikawa whined as the group of friends were walking to the gym for volleyball practice. "shut up crappykawa. i already bought you one last week" "oi isn't that y/n over there?" maki said, shaking iwaizumi's shoulder.

» sure enough it was you. apparently you had told iwaizumi to go ahead of you today because you had something to take care of in the afternoon. telling him you'd meet up with him after practice was over. not thinking much of it, he bid you a farewell and went on in his day.

» "oooou by the looks of it, this is the perfect confession scene" mattsun teased. "oi stop messing around" iwaizumi's voice hoarse. not gonna lie, iwaizumi felt his heart drop when mattsun said that

» the 4 boys crept closer to see what was going on.

» there you were, standing in the middle of a classroom with a black haired boy. "mhm. definitely a confession." oikawa stated. "shut up tooru we cant hear" maki retorted.

» you weren't considered popular in school but that didnt mean people didnt know who you were. iwaizumi knew you were gorgeous and on top of that, smart, kind and one of the sweetest girls, so it was only natural that people would be drawn to you.

» they watched as the boy got closer and closer to you. voices barely being audible to the 4 boys outside. iwaizumi's heart could bear to see this right before his eyes.

» without even thinking, his feet moving on his own, iwaizumi barged into the room. all eyes towards him.

» "iwa what are you-" without letting you finish, iwa dragged you out of the classroom. "iwa where are you taking me" asking him as he took you to who knows where, leading you up the stairs of the school.

» up on the roof, he finally let go. "sorry..." he mumbled.

» "sorry for what iwa?" "for ruining that confession... i just-"

» "you just...-?"

» "i just love you ok?!"

» your heart shook at the resonance of his voice. iwa liked you? he liked you back?! wait no- he loved you.

» you had loved iwaizumi from the moment you met him and as the two of you grew up, your love for him only grew deeper. he was the only one you'd ever look at. the only one who would ever cross your mind. you had hoped he felt the same about you but he was always so busy with other things you only felt like you would be able to support him on the sidelines as he faced the world head on like he always does.

» just being in iwaizumi's presence was enough for you. no need to be greedier, you thought. its good to be content with what you have, but just knowing that he shares the same feelings... its ok to be a little greedy right?

» your silence being louder than it should have been, iwaizumi took it the wrong way. "look I know this isn't the greatest confession. heck it's not even the way I wanted to confess to you, and get it if you like that other guy, you don't have to-"

» shuting him up with a kiss, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. needless to say, he was shocked, but embraced you as well.

» "you're overthinking too much iwa. that's so unlike you" you chuckled. his face bright red at the previous actions.

» "i love you. I've loved you for a long time actually. every single second. every moment we've shared. i cant picture myself with anyone but you hajime."

» iwa let out a sigh of relief. a smile being brought back onto his face. "good because all I know is that i cant let you go. in the past, present and even in the future...."

» the blue sky slowly changing into shades of coral warmed your heart even more on top of his sweet words that you've always longed to hear.

» "im in love with you, and now you know"

-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

enjoy your order! have a great day!

#haikyuu x reader #hq fluff #kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #kageyama fluff #semi eita #semi x reader #semi eita fluff #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi fluff #iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu fluff #yinny!drabbles

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mysinsforbts · 4 years

Text

Be careful what you wish for~

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY Namjoon!~ 💜)

Dom! Namjoon lion hybird x Sub! (female) reader

Semi Hybrid au, Friends to lovers

Rating: 18+

About: Namjoon and you always had been friends because your parents knew each other, you played together in the sand, went to school together, studied together but you had no idea that you also would spend your lives together. As you and Namjoon became roomates, things start to get serious. He noticed his crush on you, while you had to deal with his heat and your hormones. You kept your fellings a secret, while he acts without thinking. Holidays were happening and than Namjoons heat broke out.

Warnings: semi angst, mentioning of death, cursing, Smut, dirty talk, masturbation, vaginal fingering, oral (female), possessive behavior, bareness, ass spanking, hickeys, marking, biting, breeding kink, Dom!Namjoon, Sub!Reader, Daddy kink, begging, teasing, overstimulation, squirting, size kink, window sex, Semi publix sex, rough sex, eye contact, (It's just a lot okay lol) (Let me know when I forgot something~)

(I hope the time-jumps aren't to bad! Sorry for gramma mistakes! Please enjoy~ 💜)

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"Y/N meet Namjoon, today is his birthday so be nice to him okay?", is what your mom told you back than. You saw a boy maybe 8 years old, wachting a tv show. Carefully walking towards him and sitting next to him you said, "Hello, what are you watching?". The birthday boy turned smiling to you, "Friends", he said before mustering you interesterd in who you are and where you came from. His dimples catched your eyes and you decided you liked them. "Do.. do you want to watch with me?", he asked gently, smiling at you. You nodded and turned to the tv. 'I like him!', you thought.

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>> 7 years later <<

You went up the stairs infront of Namjoons house and ringed the bell at the door. A bit later a boy, 15 years old came out, still looking tired, "I couldn't even finish my coffee. Why are you so stressed today Y/N?", joonie, your best friend asked. You laughed and pulled out a book from your bag, giving it to him, "Happy Birthday Joonie. Isn't that the book you always wanted to read?". As he took the book from your hands, you saw him smiling. His dimpels, that you liked so much were showing. Before noticing what's happening, joonie hugged you, "GOSH! Thank you so much! I mean it Y/N! I couldn't find that book anywhere, where did you buy it?? No! Don't tell me! I-", as he rambled on, hugging you tightly a sound of a dump was heard. Than you realised the book had fallen down in the rain, "No! No! Shit!", you heard him curse while letting you go, picking the book up and running, in a hurry, back in his house to dry it.

You stood outside and laughed. 'I like him so much', you thought.

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>> 6 years later <<

You moved out of the car and brought the last bag up the stairs, putting it infront of your door. Thanks to your university you had to move farther away from home. But finding something for you was difficult, everything was expensive. Than your smart best friend, Joonie had the idea to share one apartment as roomates. At the beginning you weren't sure about the idea, after all you had a crush on Namjoon since the last year of highschool. Beeing around him 24/7 would be hard on you. But your parents had other ideas. "Thank you for helping me", you smiled at your parents, who got back in the car. "No problem honey~ Don't worry to much, as long as it's with Namjoon there is nothing wrong with it!", your mum loved Joonie, but is that a suprise? Namjoon is handsome,tall, smart, funny and friendly. No other boy that you had met was like him. "Thats right! Namjoon is smart, he can help you with your studies and he promised me to take good care of you. From man to man!", your dad laughed at his last comment. Your mum just sighed and looked at you, with a nod that you should go. You said goodbye and went up the stairs. As you came to a hold infront of your door, you noticed that your bag was already inside. A shock overcame you and you opened the door to your apartment. In that bag was Joonie's birthday present, what if he breaks it??

You closed the door and walked in the living room, with the small kitchen. So in panic you just ran through the room and bumped into Namjoon's back, who made coffee. He got scared and looked at you confused, catching your shoulders so you didn't fall, "What are you doing?", he asked with a teasing smirk on his face. "Where is the bag? The bag that was infront of the door?", you rambled and looked around for it. Joonie looked at you concerned before answering,"In your room, but why-". Not letting him finish you just ran off in your room, checking on the bag. Well it looked fine.. Namjoon kneed next to you. Looking concered at you, than at your bag, "Why did something got stolen?". Busy opening your bag and taking the 'thing', which was wrapped into paper out. You sighed and shook your head. Carefully opening the paper and looking at the beautiful candle glass that you bought for Joonie. It was exactly his style and would fit perfectly to him."I thought it would break. I was so scared that it would shatter", you looked up at him and laughed, "No offense Joonie".His eyebrow raised as he laughed than too. Shaking his head he stood up and walked back into the kitchen, "I made coffee precious, come here have some~", the birthday boy said. 'Precious' that was your nickname from him since highschool. You loved it, it made your heart beat faster.

Standing up while taking the candle glass and the card you wrote for him with you, you walked back into the kitchen. Joonie put the cups down on the table and sat on one of the chairs. You sat down too and smiled at him, "Happy Birthday Joonie", gently you put the candle glass on the table. "I also wrote something for you, read it later~", you nodded towards the card while taking a sip from the coffee. Enjoying to see his dimples after such a long while. After highschoole ended and the holidays started you hadn't really seen each other, but now you would see each other everyday. Of course you were excited and so happy to have him around, but also very nervous. Joonie walked around the table and hugged you, hiding his face in your neck, "Thank you! This candle glass is so beautiful. How do you always know what I like?". You felt him smelling your neck, it was nothing new. After all he was a lion hybrid, what you forgot sometimes since you never talked about it openly. Namjoon didn't like talking about it. All you knew about him in this subject, you knew from his mother. Namjoon's mother was a kindhearted person. She trusted you and knew you liked his son but she also knew that it was difficult to be together with a hybrid, since they have to find the right partner to be with them forever. So what if you weren't the right one? Would Namjoon be unhappy than?

That is why his mother told you everything. She wasn't his real mum. His parents adopted him as he still was a hybrid baby. Joonie didn't know his real parents. He also never had friends besides you. His mother was thankful for everytime you protected him as he got bullied in school. Namjoons live wasn't easy. It never had been easy. Neither was it easy as his mother got in a bad accident 2 years ago. Since her death he became a lot quieter and more serious. But to you he seems still the same, he hasn't changed much while beeing with you.

Of course he hasn't, you were his light. You made his live happier. But you never saw those looks he gave you, the looks of someone who also liked you.

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>> Today <<

It already has been 1 year since Namjoon and you lived as roomates together and nothing changed. Actually a lot changed. You two were still best friends but closer than ever. Namjoon also met new friends. 6 boys, who did go to the same university as you do. You already met them, they're all nice, funny hybrids. 'Crazy what kind of suprises live throws at you sometimes', you always thought thinking back on how they met.Namjoon wanted to join the music club since he always had a talent for writing lycris and rapping, and so did the other 6 boys. Out of different reasons, but they all had the same goal. Wanting to make music,wanting to do what they love. You also met 'army' your best friend next to Joonie. Army and you went almost to every class together and decided to become friends. Often you all spend time together.

But now we had holidays, everyone had their own time to kill. Army went home to her parents. Some of the boys were here, some of them went home. Namjoon and you spend time together in your apartment. Like now..

It still was before noon but you sat happily chating at the table, eating your breakfast. "Did you read that book already that I gave to you last month?", he asked while slurping on his coffee. You tilted your head, "You mean the one about the 'map of the soul'? Didn't I give that back to you? Saying it was to complicated?", you took another bite from your pancake."Ahh true! You did.. But listen Y/N it isn't that complicated! Look it's just about the shadow,the ego and-", joonie tried to explain but you cut him off with a giggle."What??", he asked now pouting. You leaned over the table and caressed through his hair, "I know you're smart and you love theorys and storylines but I'm very bad at that. You should know Joonie~". Than you stood up and started to clean the kitchen. Namjoon stood up and hugged you from behind, hiding his face in your neck, "You're smart too! Let me help you precious~". You could feel your heart beat faster but tried to sound normal, "Please do~", giggling nervously you continued to wash the dishes. One thing that hasn't changed, was your crush on Namjoon. It got even worse, you were actually so in love with him.

Tomorrow was his birthday. You had to plan something special. So while laying on the couch in the living room you were so lost in your thoughts, that you didn't realise how Joonie cuddled next to you. Laying his head on your chest, hugging you gently he looked at you. Just enjoying your calming nature, your warmth and your whole beeing. You were his safe place, you were always there. You were his home, so it was just normal that he wondered what you could be thinking about. Everytime he looked at you, his heart were going crazy. You were his Love. Opening your eyes, you felt Joonie softly breathing against your neck. You both must have fallen asleep. Laying one hand on his back, you started to caresses over his back muscles. Than all of sudden you heard him growl and grab your hand in his, "Don't tease me!". You laughed in his ear, "Is someone ticklish here?", while caressing over Joonies back with your other hand. He got up on his knees and tried to grab your other hand. Noticing it before he could act, you moved your hand above you. Namjoon tried to grab after it again and started to laugh as he missed. "To slow~", you teased him and pushed his hand away. Trying to get your other hand free in the progess you pushed him slightly off the couch. As Joonie looked at you with his 'death' glare you bursted into giggels and laughs. The wrestle fight between you two continued for a few minutes longer, as like almost everytime something awkward happened.

The two of you had so much fun wrestling, enjoyed the laughs from the other that you didn't notice how close you two had become. Yours were so close to Namjoon's face that you could feel his breath on your cheek. One wrong move and it was done. Joonie finally managed to grab both your hands and grinned like a child that just got sweets, as he noticed the feeling of his lips. They were pressing against something. You stopped to giggel and just layed there, not moving at all. Your brain had left the chat. Your heart was out of control. You two kissed. Without a second thought you closed your eyes, not wanting to meet those of your crush yet. Scared what you would see, scared how he would react. Unsure about what to do you didn't make a move. Than you felt how Joonie's lips continued to kiss yours, it felt gently, soft with a bit of insecurity. Your heart jumped happily and made you kiss him back in the same way. Namjoon still held your hands in his, now pressing them over your head. It didn't hurt, it felt good, dangerously good.

After a few seconds of passionatly making out you heard Namjoons phone go off, that layed on the kitchen table. Both shocked, acting like children they just got caught by their parents doing something forbidden you jumped apart. Joonie stood up, the blush on his face clearly visible, "U-Uh..Sorry Y/N..I..I will look who it is", he said, quickly walking over to take his phone call and to stop the annoying ringtone. As Namjoon was out of the room your brain started to work again. 'WHAT JUST HAPPENED??', you asked yourself,slight panic overcame your body and you stood up. You needed a shower now! You just took your towel with you and went to the bathroom. While opening and closing the door you were so busy thinking how to behave infront of your best friend now, you forgot to lock the door.

'Best Friends huh?', you thought while starting the warm water. 'What are we now? Best friends don't do this kind of stuff! Maybe Best friends with benefits?..No No! We didn't go that far!’, while showering your mind all of sudden started to imagine Namjoon's body infront of your eyes. You saw him a few times walking around without a shirt, he looked so good. Those arm muscles were something else. You often thought about him lifting you up, pressing you against the wall, fucking you against the-.. 'STOP! Get it together Y/N! You can't go crazy just because of one kiss!', you shook your head, trying to forget those thoughts. 'Well it was more like a make out not just a kiss! But his lips felt so soft and the way his strong hand was holding both of mine..', you sighed and almost got teary eyed. You still had no idea how to look in Namjoon's eyes ever again. Lord.. this was so awkward.

After you were done you moved out of the shower door, grabbing the towel. Suddenly the bathroom door opened and a shirtless, just in boxers Joonie was standing there. Mouth agape, eyes almost falling out, blinking a few times and not moving. He just stared at you.

You stared back at him, forgetting you were naked. You couldn't help but to check this fine man out. He was perfect, from his hair to his legs. Namjoon always had a beautiful body. You knew since you saw him back in highschool on the pool. Oh boy, you never would forget this day. The day your crush on Namjoon almost got exposed. Back than you thought it was just a crush, it would go away soon. That was why you behaved openly about it, lucky for you Namjoon was still oblivious back than. He never noticed the looks you gave him, the compliements you made him or the way you got jelaous over other girls. On that pool day you were so excited to see Namjoon shirtless without it beeing weird or awkward. But that feeling was short lived as you saw another girl make out with him in the corner. All your hope got shattered in one second. You didn't know what you had expected, you were just a friend.

Later on you didn't talk to Joonie for 3 days. He always wanted to talk to you, worried what was wrong but you avoided him. After a week you slowly talked again and everything was normal. From him you got to know about his first heat and that he had it with that girl he made out in the pool. You came to the conclusion never to speak about your feelings to him. You weren't a virgin either so you couldn't blame him.

You lost your virginity to one of your friends, Namjoon's friend. Hoseok. He knew about your love towards Namjoon. Everytime you got hurt Hoseok was there. One day, you were so down from seeing Namjoom with this girl that you were crying in a corner were nobody saw you. But someone did. Someone saw you. For someone you were all he could see. To Hoseok you were a Sunshine, beautiful, bright and all he could see. Hoseok found you in that dark, lonely corner and helped you out of it, out of that party. Well, after that Hoseok helped you to make Namjoon jelaous but instead of solving your crush, you slept with Hoseok and had a short realtionship with him. 3 months than it also was over because Namjoon lost his mother. Of course you were at his side, day and night, 24/7, not caring for anyone else at that time. You didn't even care for yourself. You were starving for him. It was unhealthy, Namjoon felt horrible and so did you. All that came to your mind as you saw Joonie standing there shirtless.

Step. Step. Step. You heard Namjoon moving towards you but you didn't move. Paralyzed from the emotions you felt. Frustration,shy, sad but also hot. It was so hot, you could feel how your clit pulsed. "You will catch a cold precious~", joonie said in a soft but deeper voice than usually. He wrapped the towel around you and started to dry your hair gently. Not saying anything else, just helping you calm down, finding your braincells again. "Didn't you bring clothes to change?", he asked looking at you. You shook your head, holding the towel tighter against your body. Joonie laughed, "You're so cute.. I will bring you clothes, wait here~", he said while walking out of the bathroom. Sitting down on the bathtub you waited for him to come back. 'Did I just get horny from him seeing me naked?', you thought, feeling yourself get wet. You couldn't help yourself but to let one hand wander under the towel, caressing over your wet pussy. Playing a bit with your clit, not thinking about Namjoon who could come in any second. You were so turned on. As you heard the door opened you moved your hand quickly back to the towel, looking the most innocent as possible.

"Here, wear that. Its mine.. but I didn't know what to bring you.. all I could find was panties and some socks", joonie stuttered while holding towards you a white shirt and some boxers. "T-They are washed and comfy..", he said while looking at you smiling a bit. You took them and smiled back, "Thank you~". Than you just stared at each other. You didn't wanted him to leave but also didn't wanted to make the situation more weird than it already was. "C-Can I.. Can I help you?", he asked all of sudden while scratching the back of his neck. Looking shy, so adorable. At your confused look he repeated himself more clearly, "Can I help you.. putting your clothes on?". Your mind went blank but you nodded. 'What?', you asked yourself at the same time. 'No! Not now.. I need to go to my room', you bit your lip but your body didn't move a bit. As soon as you felt Namjoon's hands on your shoulders you threw every thought of not wanting this out of the window. You wanted him to touch you. Namjoon carefully started to dry your back with the towel until he reached your ass. Without asking he just grabbed your ass in his big hands and massaged them dry too. "Turn around", he whispered in your ear, his voice gave your chills it sounded so deep. Listening to him you turned around, now your face against his chest. Your eyes looked away to not get caught of beeing horny af.

Namjoon started to dry your shoulders and moved down, grabbing your breasts through the towel and gently rubbing them dry. You tried your best to act normal but failed, as a moan past your lips as he massaged your nippels through the towel. Namjoon didn't stop, he rubbed your stomatch dry and moved down to your thighs, leaving the rest of your body visible.

Biting your lip at the sight you had, Namjoon kneed infront of your thighs, on the same height as your pussy was. The thought alone of him eating you out, almost made you moan again. He rubbed your legs dry and than all off sudden you heard a growl and felt his head pushing between your thighs.

'He is a hybrid! Of course he would smell it!', than it came to you. That's why he was acting like this. Namjoon was about to go in his heat. That all makes sense now. But before you could give it more thought you felt backwards, almost falling into the bathtub. You catched yourself against the wall and couldn't help but to let out another moan. Joonie started to lick against your clit. If you didn't stop him he would eat you out and for sure regret it later. Hybrids in heat tend to lose theirselves in their lust and desire. But that wasn't as easy as you thought, since you were wet as well. Your body screamed for more.

"You taste so good Y/N~ Your smell drives me crazy! Let me have more?", joonie leaned away, looking up at you with blown eyes. Before you could answer you felt one of his fingers gently push into your hole, "You're so wet without me doing anything. You want this too right?". Than he removed his finger and brought it back up to his lips and licked it. "Mhh~", he sucked on it, smirking as he was standing up. Your eyes were now on the perfect height with his crotch. The outline of his semi hard cock was already visible on his boxers. "See? You did this to me Y/N! Since 1 year you tease me and made me wait. But I can't wait anymore! I want to have you as mine~ Please let me have you?", Namjoon asked while rubbing his hand against the outline of his cock. What should you do? You wanted him, like he wanted you. Your hole was clenching now that it had a taste of what it could have. Taking a deep breath you made your descion, "Let's move to the bed first okay Joonie? I'm a bit uncomfortable here~", you said while trying to stand up.

Namjoons ears, that caught your eyes now like how for the first time you saw them, twitched up at your words. Your struggle of standing up ended as his two strong, buff arms lifted you up and carried you out of the bathroom. Your legs moved around his, as you hugged him and enjoyed the touch. You could smell his perfuem, he smelled so good.

Than you felt a spank at your bare ass, "Don't get to comfortable there princess~", he teased, half growled while walking into his room, not closing the door. Namjoon carried you over towards his bed, on the window. He dropped you and leaned over you, starting to kiss you again. This time it felt different, it felt wanted, desired and passionated. You closed your eyes and kissed him back, laying your arms around his back. Caressing through his hair you felt his lips move down your neck, kissing it, sucking it and leaving a few hickeys on it. Than he kissed down your chest, leaving hickeys here and there too, while Joonie's hands gently massaged your breasts, circeling your nippels. The moment you felt a tug on one of your nippels you moaned and qickly bit your lip afterwards. You enjoyed that feeling so much that your nippels got hard, rubbing your thighs together and moaning as he pressed his lips to one of your breasts, sucking on the nippel. You tossed your head from one side to the other. Joonie's lips felt so good on your skin. You loved beeing marked, you loved beeing his.

After all this years, where you made yourself cum over and over again while imagine this situation, you finally could make it reality. You for sure looked fucked out, eyes blown wide, hair messed up, hickeys everywhere, nippels hard and your pussy was dripping wet.

"P-Please more Joonie~", you whined as he still played with your nippels. Namjoon looked up to you and what he saw made his dick just harder. You looked so good under him, he would ruined you more. His dick painfully pressed against his boxers at the thought of finally taking you. Finally you would be his. Not Hoseoks! His! How he hated the thought of seeing you with him. Namjoon liked Hoseok, they're friends. But he never would forgive himself for noticing the love he felt for you not sooner. For leting Hoseok having you first. Now you would be his! His forever. He wanted to breed you one day, but now it was to early. "Be carefull what you wish for princess~", he said while kissing down to your legs, spreading them gently. "Your smell is driving me insane. You're so beautiful!", he growled and started to kissing your thighs, leaving hickeys all over them. Namjoon moved one finger through your slit, to your hole and started circeling it. He loved to see you whine and beg under him. His dominace came out to play, in such times. You loved his dominate side. Or how would army call that? Duality! Yes! You loved his Duality!

"What do you want precious? You have to tell me otherwise Daddy doesn't know~", joonie whispered against your clit, he gave it a gently lick. You moaned, wanting to close your legs. Joonie held them open and did the same thing again. "Is that what you want? Want me to lick your clit? To suck it and flick it with my tongue until you are sore?". He did it again, this time adding more pressure on your clit. Your legs started to shake as you moaned louder, "Please daddy!~ Please put your fingers in me! Play with my clit!", your voice gave out as you begged. Namjoon growled and pushed his head in your cunt. At his limit to control himself any longer, he pushed 2 fingers gently in your hole and let you adjust to them. His tongue sucked your clit and flicked it all few seconds. He loved your moans, the way your legs were shaking and your walls clenched around his fingers. After a few seconds he started to move his fingers in and out at the steady pace, which got faster in minutes. Joonie tried to thrust them as deeply as possible, making the 'come here' gesture. You couldn't help but to moan loudly, your mind was blank, the only thing you could think off was Namjoon and his long fingers. The only thing that you could hear was your moans and the wet, dirty noises from your pussy. Namjoon's fingers fucked you at a insane speed. You were so close, your legs started to shake more. You caressed your hands through his hair. "Are you close princess? You're clenching so much! Cum! Cum on my tongue! Let me taste you~", he whispered as sucked more on your clit, biting it slightly, carefully. Than you just saw white, something in you snapped and you let your head fall into namjoons pillow. You just came, all over namjoons tongue and fingers,even the sheets were wet. You squirted.

"Did my precious girl just squirt for me?", Joonie said while looking up at your hard breathing face. You tried to calm down, to figure out what just happened but you had no chance as Namjoon moved his fingers slowly again. "I wonder if you can do that again? You came so quickly, maybe you can squirt again? Come on! Show me your dirty side precious~", joonie sounded not like himself. It was the lion speaking. The lion that he hold back for all those years finally was free now and it wanted everything you could offer.

Namjoon flicked your clit once again, sucking on it a bit more. His fingers thrusting into you at a faster speed. You didn't know what do to with yourself other than just to moan and push your cunt against his fingers, wanting to feel more. "You want even more? What a naughty girl you are! Are you that needy to be filled? Than come on! Take one finger more~ I will fill your needy hole!", joonie pushed one more finger in your dripping pussy. All three fingers were moving deep inside you, while the flicks on your clit just got more intense. Than your eyes rolled back and you came again. All over his fingers, more wetness dripped down your ass over to the sheets. "What a good girl you are! You deserve to have my cocķ! But let me clean you up first precious", namjoon said as he removed his fingers from your hole and licked them clean. Joonie leaned down and started to lick your hole , "You made such a mess~ Everything is wet because of that needy pussy of yours~", he slightly pushed his tongue in your hole, moved it around a bit. You whined and bit your lip as you felt his tongue inside, moving deeper. It felt so good but also so new to you.

After a few seconds he leaned away and moved away from your cunt, "Are you ready to get owned by daddy? Are you ready to be filled precious?", joonie asked while removing his boxers. His cock jumped out and your eyes grew wide. It was huge. You wanted to have it in your mouth, you wanted to suck him off. Just as you were about lean up, Namjoon pushed you down in the matress again, "Next time princess! I can't wait anymore! I need to feel your thight walls around me! Get ready precious Daddy will push his cock into you now~". You could feel the tip of his dick sliding up and down on your cunt, as he looked at you. "Look at me when I take you! Look into my eyes as my cock spreads you apart! I want to see your face when I pount into you and hit your sweet spot~", joonie moaned and grabbed my chin, to make me look at him. You got fluestered as you saw his eyes, dark and wild but beautiful and full of love.

Soon you felt his tip pushing into you, before with a 'plop' his whole, huge cock was inside. You felt so full, but in a good way. Even if it's burnt a bit in the beginning, after seconds you just felt incredible pleasure. The need to be fucked, to be ruined. "P-please move joonie~", you moaned while he leaned over you. Namjoon grabbed both of your hands and pinned them over your head,he hold them together without even trying. "I told you to be carefull with what you wish for precious~ Now you gonna get it!", he growled and started to move his hips in a hard and deep pace. You throw your head back again and moaned at the feeling. Namjoon hit your g-spot everytime he thrusted deeo into you. Your walls felt so warm and clenched around him. "Do you feel this?", he asked while giving one hard thrust, hitting your g-spot. "Next time I will breed you and fuck my seed deep inside your pretty pussy", he growled while getting faster and leaning down, kissing you. You couldn't help but to scream at his new pace, kissing him back passionatly. You were close, you would cum for the third time today. With him now pounding into you, having his eyes closed and moaning himself you just couldn't control yourself at this sight. You screamed Namjoon's name and came again. With that Namjoon stopped and leaned down to your ear.

"What a needy princess you are~ You came again and you still clenching around my cock~ Are you okay precious? Do you want more?", joonie kissed your ear gently and sucked on it a bit. You were so fucked out but you wanted to feel him cum too, wanted to pleasure him too, "I want you too cum too, Joonie Please use me!~", you whispered in his ear and kissed it too.

Namjoons hand caressed your cheek, pulling out of you, "Turn around than! Kneel over the beed, face to the window". Doing what he said, you had the perfect few out of the glass window. You were high up so there was no chance for someone to actually see you, but you could see people walking by, sitting on their desks and eating food. It made you just more wet. The thought of someone might see you getting fucked against a window turned you on.A spank against your ass made you whine and you forgot all those thoughts you had. "Lean forward! Press your breasts against the window!", he caressed over your back. You followed every word he said, now hissing at the feeling of the cold glass against your hard nippels.

Busy with geting used to the new feeling you weren't ready when Namjoon pushed his cock back into you. He pushed deep inside your cunt, leaning over you. You could feel his breath against your ear, over the back of your neck. "Do you like this precious? Does it turn you on that those people could see you naked, getting fucked by me?", he whispered in your ear while slowly starting to thrust into you. With every thrust your breasts bounced and rubbed against the window. You moaned and glass started to blurr. A few minutes later Joonie was fucking into you faster,you could feel his balls slappinh against your clit everytimd he pushed in. You closed your eyes and moaned louder, not seeing clear anymore. "Open your eyes princess! Look at this women with her child!", he growled while spanking your ass, he loved the way it jiggled everytime. Scared to got caught you opened them and looked down, out of the window to a bit older women than your mum. "What would you do if your mum saw us like this? Would you cum infront of her? Would she still think I'm a good school boy?", with every word joonie thrustes deep into you than pulling almost completly out and thrusting deep into you again. This had you screaming and the thought alone made you cum again. You let yourself fall against the window and tried to catch your breath. "See I knew you would squirt for me again~ What a good girl~ Now let me cum on your ass precious!", namjoon moaned while grabbing my hips and pouding into you like the lion he is. A few minutes later he whispered in your ear, "Happy Birthday to me", than he pulled out and came all over your red ass. You had just enough strenght to lift your gaze out of the window to the clock. It was 1 minute past midnight, Namjoons birthday was today and you had no present.

You were so tired. You hadn't noticed when Joonie stood up and came back with a wet towel and clothes to get you cleaned up. "Are you okay precious? Was I to rough? Let me help you", he caressed through you hair and lifted you up to lay your head on the pillow. You yawned and shook your head, "You were perfect joonie~". Namjoon cleaned you up and smiled at your words, "Everything I said was true. I love you Y/N! I hope you know that!", he sat next to you and wanted to put the clothes on you. As you heard the words you always wanted to hear, the words you already gave up on to hear, you jumped up suddenly wide awake. You craweld on his lap and grabbed his cheeks in both your hands, "WHAT? Say that again!", you thought that you had dreamt he said it and you just looked like a psycho now. But that thought changed as he took your hands in his, "I love you Y/N! I always have. I always wanted to be more than friends. Please be mine?". You jaw dropped not knowing how to react. "Love- I- do- too", came out and than you kissed him. This time the kiss felt complete. Namjoon chuckled and kissed your back,still holding your hands as he pulls you closer. You ended up falling asleep in the same bed, cuddling each other that night. The night on Namjoons birthday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>> 5 years later <<

The last the day of your study live, that was today for you and for your boyfriend Namjoon. He already got your present, the other boys, your friend army and you gave him a huge birthday cake with a song they prepared called, >"Magic shop". It was such a sweet, beautiful song. Namjoon cried on your shoulder as he heard that song, he was so happy and touched. But of course he would get his 'special' present today night from you.

"Now, before we say goodbye and I let you leave this classroom, tell me where do you see yourself in 10 years?", asked our class teacher for the last years. As Namjoon's answer came up he said, "I want to be a dad", while looking at you, smiling before looking at the teacher who laughed. You got fluestered and looked first at your friend army, who smirked and clapped with the rest of the boys and than back at Namjoon who winked at you.

After a while your turn came up, already knowing what you wanted you said, "I want to be a mum", winking back at your boyfriend Joonie. More clapping was heard and army started to laugh. Namjoon was the one blushing now and looked down at his calender. It said September 12th.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

( I hope you enjoyed~💜 )

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little-precious-baby · 3 years

Text

This 2020...

First of all, I know most of the people did this many days ago but I thought today was like the best for me to say goodbye to this year.

Not to mention that this year has been very difficult, not only for me but for everyone. A pandemic that brought us many changes of which many are not yet comfortable and is understandable. In my case, in this year I have been able to understand many things, I have suffered and had to face other problems, and of course, I enjoyed important moments with my friends and family. My first decision this year I remember was cutting off my bangs without my parents' permission. I was scolded for weeks, even months and yes, I accept that seeing that picture from the first day of the school year is going to haunt me for a long time but I don't regret what I did. Is not a secret that for many of my irl friends, I'm like a little child that needs attention because if you give me your back, probably I'll be cutting my hair or even doing something worse.

As for emotional and friendship issues... I have to admit that I broke friendships in a non-gentle way, there were also discussions over totally stupid topics and not to mention love issues that simply ended up being a failure—a waste of time, to be honest.

While it hasn't been such an easy year, there's something I still don't even regret doing: coming here to Tumblr. My previous account has many years to created here —probably in 2017— however, at that time I didn't try to search much as I got to do this year and I'm glad I did because I met great people. Sadly I doubt at some point to meet you in person, but I hope you keep in mind that you make my days happier with your comments or just being you. I hope our friendship continues and that you all don't get sick of me so easily. Also, I wish you all the best as I know each of you is talented and has the ability to succeed in your lives. <3

Uh, the paragraphs 👉🏼👈🏼

Also I want you to know that this isn't in an specific order and that I hope you don't feel bad with my words.

💙 - @latte-fairytaekwoon

How can I start this without you rejecting my love? <3 You were one of the first people I decided to approach. I remember reading one or two of your works and just thinking "Wow, she writes very well... I'm going to follow her; it's going to be fun and interesting." I was planning not to talk to you at the beginning, to be honest. My end in mind was just to read what you updated and since you were the third account with content I had decided to follow, I thought it was a good plan. But one thing led to another and I decided to talk to you —which you probably regret since I bother you a lot lmao— and yeah, that's how we met and still talk to each other. I also need to mention that whenever I tried to talk to you about my problems or things that overwhelmed me, you always knew what to say to me even if that included to scold me. You always made me come to my senses. Many times I mentioned to you that you were like a mother to me as you "gave me those vibes" but how can you not? While you don't usually show so much affection through direct words of "I love you" "I care you," I feel them when you advise me. It's going to sound too idk, but I really don't regret to met you, Kitty. This looks like a bible and words repeating over and over again but how to show you that I appreciate, admire and love you if I always try to let you know? At this point if you still think I don't care of you, you are dumb 💖 By the way, it's worth mentioning that you and I have a long path together and you'll continue to be attacked with my love, support and jokes. I love you, mom 😗💙

💖 @winterviolet1

To be honest, I feel bad for not remembering how we started talking... I don't remember if I followed you first or if it was the other way around but hey, let's look on the bright side, it was fun to have met you and come together to always annoy Sofie with Hongjoong gifs <3 I hope we can still be little demons together and please, PLEASE, stop killing me 💀 I love when you send me gifs of Jongho because wow, that boy is definitely a daddy and more when he dances —I refuse to deviate from the subject but he jdudbd— but yeah, he kills me even when he just smiles. My point is that when I see those gifs, I went into a state where my mind goes to places that is better not to mention and I blush because yeah, we talk about my bias isbdkddj and I also frustrate because I find myself unable to return the same treatment to you dkdnskd. Ps: Let me know when we'll be demons again <3

💖 @teeztheflag

Your reactions are idejdindd art I feel shy as I know I never got to create a bond big enough to make you call my friend or that you consider me your friend but hey, it was great to talk to you. <3

Atte: the Slyffindor Girl 💀

💖 @twancingyunhoe

ALLYSSA 🥺 Okay, okay, just mention your name and I'll get in cute mode. I remember following you, yet I hadn't dared talk to you much. The safest thing I'd ever said to you was "Hello! I walk by giving love and support!" for days later asking if you were going to adopt me to have adopted Gabby as my sister 🥺 You're a beautiful person who has such a big, beautiful heart that makes me soft. I know I haven't exchanged many words with you this past month, but I hope that's not going to affect the fact that you're important to me. Thank you for accepting me, giving me love and always being so pretty. <3 kith kith

💖 @tinkerbellwoo

You are such a gift to me diejsndis. Since the first time I knew you, you were very kind and lovely to me. You won a part of my heart with your kindness and yeah, I do remember going to your asks and just "Hey, here is a bunch of love from me to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Also I hope we can be friends" kejebskssi. That was like my way to ask to be one of your closer moots because you were just so cool and I wanted to be friends with the wonderful person I saw had interactions with some of my moots. I'm sorry because I have time without actually having a large conversation with you and is completely my fault... I hope this new year will change that and I can talk more to you 🥺💖

💖 @yungidreamer

My older sister :( I'm so happy I had the opportunity to talk to you 👉🏼👈🏼 I still don't forget that you once used the dissapointed card with meeee, your little cute princess angel baby sister. I have cero regrets welcome you into my big, not normal, Tumblr family because yeah, probable we aren't the same but at the same time we are the same, if you know what I mean 👀 I hope we can have more conversations between each other because I know is very interesting to talk to you but at the same time I'm so shy :(

💖 @yunderland / @shangri-woo

How can I began this? Ksbsdusbs First, I need ti be honest. I do have my thirst times and well, I read many of your works in ghost mode 👉🏼👈🏼 I was kinda shy to just idk, interact kdidbdkd. Also I began to see you interact with Amelie and was funny and I began to think "What happens if I do try to be friends with her?" but also "What if she doesn't like how I am? I ccan be a bother some times...". And yeah, I was thinking that for maybe two days until I decided to make a move. I followed you and I said "Hi 👉🏼👈🏼 I saw you talking with Amelie... You seem like a kind and lovely person, mind if I try being friends with you?" skdbsudbdks. I. Will. Not. Regret. Talking. To. You. You are such a good person :( Every time we talk, you are just so attentive that makes me soft. Please, keeo being my friend :( even if you don't consider me as your friend :(

💖 @ursaurora

Well, I don't have that much to say because I just said hi while being in hiatus but hey, I really really like the idea of being friends with you. This doesn't stopped me to wish you a good New Year and hey, why not hoping to have a good relationship between each other? <3

💖 @illicit-roses

Rosa xkenskd you sidjdndid are isbddkdj a ksudkdid baby. Such a beautiful, sweet, kind and big hearted baby. I was also the first one to talk to you and I was the one that began being surprised by your words isbwkdz. Not to mention that I also got shy and touched by your words. In this year, I would love to be more close to youuuuuu <3

💖 @inkigayeo / @woo-san

Vivi, I don't know if you will read this so probably if you do, is because I told you in private kxjsksdnsk. I don't feel like remembering you how I began talking to you because you asked and I already told you that but something I for sure need you to know is that... I'm still very touched by your encouraging words to me. I think our first first conversation was about me being depressed and how I was feeling toward myself, then about my admission test that hey, you did amazing with your words. I remember I cried because yeah, I was anxious but you told me a great advice. And when I didn't do well on that an also began saying sorry to you for not doing well, you gave me anither good words that hey... How not be in love with Vivi? Vivi is just a Queen with a big heart and kindness to give to everyone :(( <3

💖 @atinyedits / @atinywrites

My lovely and beautiful Anrose kdbdkzkzd I remember I began to talk to you after I saw a post of Cottons talking about how you were such a fk rat brat and my first thought was "Hey, I want to be her friend" lol. And guess what? That's what I did isbszlxudbzk I went to your asks and I asked you if you wanted to be my friend and you accepted. We began talking and I began having this love to you idbesldjdbs. But something I do need to make clear is that I didn't thought you will be part of my Tumblr family as my mom kdjdsldudhs I still remember reblogging with an "you are married with Allyssa?! She is my mooooom" and yeah, you were welcome to a natural habit of a family who is thirsty 24/7 for Ateez or each other and yeah, such a triangle live attraction and the foughts you still have with my other mom kdisjsnd. But I hope you feel the love I have for you. Because I do love you and I trust you enough. Don't you remember how I send you photos of my body? I do feel insecure about it and still regret to be being called a Queen but yeah, I trust and love you enough, my Anrose <3

💖 @atiny-ahgase

Gabby, my sweetest sister 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I began this? Well... Not to mention that I usually read your interactions with Zad and as I wasn't someone you knew, I was scared to talk to both of you. You because I was mostly shy and for Zad because I thought he was intimidating, funny, right? Well, I'm not sure if I do told you about giving you tons of love and support directly but I do remember adopting Zad as my brother and he telling me he had a sister and my first thought was "Hey, why I can't have a big sister too?" and then I began talking to you and with what I was welcomed? By tons of love and cute gifs of kisses and hugs. You make me feel lovved, Gabby. You are such an angel 🥺 Please, don't stop loving your baby sister Mei <3

💖 @shinyddeonghwa

Omg, omg, omg. I feel bad because I don't even know how I began talking to you T^T I feel bad to admit that I get confused between you and Treasure and ksbsizbdsis I think it was with you that I talked in Portuguese jzusnsks and if not, I'm sorry for the miss understanding ksisjs T^T but something I for sure remember if you trying to dom me and then getting flustered when that didn't worked and it was my time then isnwishsslsns I also need to mention that is always cute everything you do dkdbskzusks even how you talk to me <3 I hope our friendship can last for more time <3

💖 @sansbun & @choisans-dimples

Bun and Cass, the brat in denial 👀😗, the sweetest babies I have met. Two lovely babies that love cats and San. I think my first interaction with the both of you was because of the Tumblr family. Bun, I'm sorry for not talking too much to you. You are such a kind person and I would like to be closer to you in this new year. And for Cass, we talked more in discord but still wasn't that much :( But it was actually funny to see you fighting with Mari, it was cute nsisnslds. I hope both of you know that your auntie loves you so much <3

💖 @galaxteez

ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH <3

Our first conversation was something thirsty, I'm 100% sure about that. And how to forget how I always forgot to turn on to be anon siwnsibddk8dn. But I'm still sure you loved to see my asks while me being anon than when it was actually me because mine was just cute, giving tons of love to you when my anon... Well... My anon 😗 I know I have time without having thisty talks with you so maybe this new year will mark the difference 👀 <3

💖 @ateezstanlove

Ndyensiddhsihssjwj here is when my mind is having problems to remember how I actually met everyone and that's making me feel bad skdbwksjzns but something I can be 100% is that I tried really hard every day to make you feel all the love I can give. I still remember when I saw you were on hiatus and thinking about leaving Tumblr. Being honest, I was really sad but hey, you are here now to receive all my love and have those lustful thoughts about Wooyoung's thighs —I saw that, sis 😗. But yeah sksnqisndks. I love you and I hope we can have more time as sisters this year <3

💖 @ateez-little-star

Jas, the beautiful star in the sky 🥺 You were actually my first sister in my Tumblr Family. I still think is funny how I try really hard to baby you but at the end is in the other way, you end baby me skjssksisns 🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I be more grateful to met you, uh? You always listened to my problems and I do considered a lot your opinions, is very kind to talk to you. I feel always loved when I talk to you. Also not to mention how I felt when during the night you left and when I searched you, you were gone. I was really sad and my first thought was "If she doesn't come back... She will remember me?" ksudisbskd but in days you came back and I was so happy :(( Please don't leave me again, Jas :( You are very soecial to me, my baby sis 🥺💖

💖 @hiatus-kittenmbb

Msisnsiddn MU AUNTIE HERE, EVERYONE. MSIWBSKDJDSBSB I want your love, cuddles, kisses and all the things you can give me and I'll make sure to make you feel the same, with tons of love <3 Not to mention how funny is to talk to you and all the times you told me to bother Kitty mom hahaha such a good and lovely relationship both of you have hahaha. Ps:Don't forget I love you so much, Auntie <3

💖 @hwastreasure

Mia :( I'm sorry because I don't have many things to say but at the same time I don't want you to feel sad about it. I remember I told you I will talk constantly to you and I didn't do it. Please forgive me :(( Can we try again and be closer now? :(

💖 @hongjoong-a-holic

SOFIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-.... Oh, no. My mistake. Let me try again. MY LIL LIOOOOOOOOOOOON GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~. I don't have a lot of words how to describe the love and affection I have for you. You were always paying attention to me and giving me love —not to mention that you told me I needed to hug you just because you wanted nsisns and I say no lol— and that's cute sksnsksis. I also want to say that all those times that I do bother you with Blue about gifs of Ateez dancing sexily and those smuts and all that explication of sexuality... I have cero regrets! :D lmao. If you really thought I will say sorry about that, is a nono. I know you love it at the end lmao. But there is something I for sure need to be sorry... I know you were sad about me leaving ti be on hiatus and I still did but baby, I really needed to do it. I promise I'll be back soon. Very soon, just wait for me <3

💖 @hwaberrykiwi

Cam, Cam, Cam, Cam :(( I began to talking to you thanks to Jas that she asked me if I knew you and I said no and she just make me talk to you and guess what? I'm happy she did that because hey, I met an amazing person. And even if we didn't talked that much, something my heart will not forget are the words you told me when I said Uw as going on hiatus. I was really touched, I cried. I really did at the end but yeah. I would love to be more close to such a person with a big big heart <3

💖 @joongieblue

I don't even know how to began this because I think everything I need you to know, you already know it but at the same time I feel like I still need to say a lot :(( I don't want you to feel less as a person anymore... I know you said that way of thinking is because of your depression but baby, try to look at the amazing people who are with you, that cares about how you are and of course you are very important to them. You are very sweet and amazing as a person, let me tell you that I see in you a soft light. A very pure light that needs to shine bright in the sky but the darkness is making her feel like a insuficient and lonely light. Don't worry, things will get better soon. Trust me <3

💖 @seonghwa-is-babie

How can I began this without this looking awkward? 👉🏼👈🏼 I met you thanks to Zad and what I learned is that you were such a good, kind and shy boy but of course I still think you can be very intimidating if you want to. I'm sorry for not having a lot of conversation with you since I met you but I promise I'll try harder to be close to you. Of course, if you don't mind <3

🧡 - @seacottons

How can I began this?... The first time I talked to you, it was me trying to tease you really bad. I can also remember I told you to cald me kitten or something like that at that moment and the next thing we talked was about how I wanted to be adooted by you so bad isnsldks I don't regret doing all what you wanted me to do so you can adopt me because hey, you are amazing, wonderful as my other mom. Talking to you is like a way to calm my insecurities and stress I had during the day. You always giving love to me and even those cute hugs in the head you give or when you are too much sleepy to even type correctly iwjeneid you are such a baby :(( I'm still sorry for the time I called you a rouch, you aren't a bug... You are a beautiful, sweet, kind Queen I have the posibility to call mom. Not to mention that you are also my sweet, cool pumpkin —favorite— mom. Also, I can remember all those times you told me to bother or kick Kitty just because "she need it" dkbsskdjd the time you also wanted to disown me dibedidnzsj Leaving that topic to say cute things I love about you again is that... I'll be forever happy and gratefull with you. You gave me great advice when I needed them the most. You gave me a shoulder and a soft comfortable place to talk about my deep problems, my insomnia, depression, all of that. Thank you, mom. Thank you so much for letting me be part of your life and of course, youre mine. I will not share with Kitty <3

💖 @jongpleasure

My lovely, sweet and innocent twin ^^ lmao, we know we both are like really really twins. Our birthdays are very close, we both are Cancers, have the same bias that we share with each other because damn, he is really nice. But hey, is still very good to know you because you are talented, really really talented. The videos you create are wonderful and I am not saying that just because I know you, they are very good. The same with your fics, are amazing. You are an amazing writer, why you can't see that, uh? Want me to kiss your cheeks and hug you hard till you learn it? If you do want it, you are free to come to me and I'l give ut to you because msidbwks you are my lovely twin that I love so much. Have a great new year, I hope all your problems get resolved and you can noticed how you are talented enough to succeed and that you have friends in here that love you so bad. Kyra, my sweet twin I love so much <3

🕷️🕸️ - @yunhoshoe / @jonghoshoe

Aw, my baby prince Zad :(( The one I can trully see as a baby even when you are such a year younger than me. I want to protect you every time, even when I know I can't do that much virtually... So everytime I need to make me feel that I gave you all the love I can give and hope you can feel all the love I try to give you every time we talk. I'm still sorry for that time I make you feel uncomfortable with my missunderstanding about spiders and all of that... I'm also sorry for that time I send you gifs about dogs when you were scared of them... I'm really sorry, baby. Your big sister is dumb many times but hey, she is also still learning and want to give all she can to you. I hope this new year, we cab still be closer. Who is my little sweet, cute baby prince? Of course, you <3

💖 @xiuminswifeforever

I know we aren't that close, sadly. I follow you on twitter and here and everytime we talk is probably you being horny and wanting to have sex or somethung with your hmm... Is funny to talk to you and I know you told me that you are mostly in twitter and that was why we don't talk that much but hey, I would love to talk more with you. Want to try in this new year? <3

💜 - @yunhoiseyecandy

My sweet angel Violet :(( HoW I can began this? Kdsndid I don't remember very well how I began talking to you... Like I try really hard to remember how I began talking to you and my mind is in blank siwnsksus I'm sorry because of that but at the same time, is the good memories that are important to remember, right? How can I not be feeling grateful with the angel that with some kind words that came from her heart, made me a crying mess because of how touched I was? :(( There are many things I know I will not forget. That time I was feeling low beecause someone was just being very mean with me and you were protective, your kind words when I was just losing my mind and feeling all that pain inside and you helped me release that... For this year, I hope we can still be friends because you are amazing and I don't want to lose you :( <3

💖 @treasure-hwa

I feel really bad if I began saying this but I do want to say the truth and the truth is that I usually get confused between shinnyddeonhwa because you both had/have Hwa in their profiles and I know you both don't even write in the same way but idk, is easily for me to get confused, I'm sorry T^T Changing the subject, I really loved that time when we began talking in Portuguese and Spanish at the same time. Was really funny to even think how everyone would saw that ksjsnskdd Also I am very touched and happy when you roleplay with me... You are very sweet even while roleplaying and that makes me soft in such a way dksbskdid I would like to roleplay again with you, only if you want to any other time 👉🏼👈🏼 Also in this new year, I hope we can still be talking to each other for a long time, sister <3

💖 @cometoceantrenches

Not me being speechless every time I began writing a paragraph kwusnekdid also not me becoming your friend the second you asked me how was the relationship between Cottons and I 👉🏼👈🏼 But look at the good side, we are sisters now and guess what? I noticed how you have a big BIG heart and all the love you can give is just so cute when I receive it or just read it. I hope in this new year we can make new and memorable conversations together. Don't forget you have an special space in my heart <3

🤍 - @vocalyunho

Amelie, my sweet and lovely wife :(( How can I began this? I remember the first time I talked to you. I said your writing skills were amazing and that you were cute and I wanted to try being your friend. Not to mention that two days later I ask you to be my wife dkebdidbdkd But I don't regret that at all. I'm really happy I met you because every time I talk to you, I feel in a safe space... A place I can say how I really feel without being judged... And what do I receive every time I talk my problems out? Sweet words and advice :(( Amelie you are such a good girl, a good advicer and an amazing friend. Thank you so much for letting me be your friend. I know I won something big with your beautiful friendship. Also I know that you have problems and stress but hey, as you said, things hopefully will get better, we just need to be patient and wait. And don't forget that you can come to me everytime you want. I'll be here for you, Amelie. Anlso in this new year, I hope our friendship can grow bigger and yeah, why not trying to create new memories together? Remember you are Yunho of our 2Ho. Love you <3

💖 @sollyho & @ateezinmymind

Well... Maybe this will look like a very short paragraph but... I felt bad at the same time because I don't have that much to say... For sure, I'm happy I met both of you because during our conversations, I can deduce that I can trust you because you are lovely and all of that. What I regret so bad is that during this 2020, I didn't talked that much and that's why I feel bad for not writing something big but please, don't feel that I don't care about you because I do :(( i hope in this new year, we can talk much and maybe be close friends 👉🏼👈🏼

👑 - @barnesbabee

Queen Trixie 👉🏼👈🏼 Well, what I can say is that first, I love your humor keiwbsnd also that everytime you tive your opinion about something, you have valid points. This will sound stupid but I do really like to read when you post something. As I said some days ago in your dm, I really would like to be close to you but at the same time I do feel like that will not occur or will not happen that easily because I am not that cool and well, I don't know, I feel like I would be that kind of person you would dislike easily. Something I promised this year and will keep till this new year is the tonw of love I give to you and the support you need as a powerful queen. <3

💖 @multidreams-and-desires

My baby sis that I love so much, always taking care of me ane telling me how much you love me :(( this year was amazing. Probably our talks are mostly about problems or just giving each other love. I'm happy that I met you because you are always kind and of course you have also those thirsty moments that all our Tumblr family have —that's why we all get along, we are a bunch of people that have Ateez as their weakness lol. Also, I need to mention that in this new year, you need to know that I'll be giving you more love so just wait for me <3

💖 @msmadness99

Seven, my lovely Seven ^^ First of all I need to mention the iconic moment we both noticed we talked in Spanish after months of always talking on English lol. I know some of your insecurities about your writings and I still want to let you know that when I say that your works are amazing, well written and calls the attention easily, I'm being honest and saying that not as your friend, I say that as a fan of your works. I don't know who tells you or makes you feel insecure about them but hey, is amazing. Even those short things you write and don't get me started with Break Out serie siendjdbdkdys Every time you update, you make me have my heart in my throat kduebwdkd You are very talented, don't let others make you think other way. I love you, Seven <3

I think that is all 👉🏼👈🏼

I hope you all receive this new year with a smile and always being positive ❤️

I’m so grateful for your support and love this year. May you have a prosperous, happy and healthy New Year.

May all your dreams come true in 2021! You got this!❤️

#queue #Happy New Year✨#I’m so proud of all your accomplishments this year — and I just can’t wait to see what you do in the next.#In an extraordinary year I’ve been grateful for your extraordinary friendship…. thank you #You all deserve the best ❤️✨

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weepingvoidpenguin · 4 years

Text

The Gods’ Blessing (Pt. 2)

Part 1 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5

Summary: In your world, everyone had a soulmate. That’s just how things went. Everyone had some sort of Indicator that their other half was out there, be it telepathy or a red string that connected these two strangers. Yours was one unspoken of, in fact, you’d never heard anyone say that they had the same Indicator as you. And because of this rarity, you longed to meet the person who could gift you with what you lacked, maybe not so much so to be with the person but more so to finally see what others took for granted. Yet, you held onto the hope that one of your best friends was your Meant-To-Be but he has his eyes on another girls and the little green monster slowly engulfs you at the deterioration of your hope.

Warnings: Light swearing, some spelling errors or reader insert errors

Word Count: 4,554

Author’s Note: Heya! Thank you all for the love on the first chapter! I love all the comments made, they all warmed my heart! lol. I tagged those that wished to be tagged so if you don’t see your name and would like to be tagged in the next part please let me know! Again, thank you so much!

The rest of the weekend flew by uneventfully. There was lots of studying, lots of waiting, lots of Spider-Man not showing up. You couldn’t say you were surprised, only mildly disappointed. You knew he was busy, of course he was, he stops muggings and villains all the time. So then why couldn’t you shake the feeling of hoping he would make time to see you?

You were being ridiculous, you knew that. But all the logic in the world couldn’t subside the pull in your chest at the thought of seeing him again. It was the same pull you had when you first met Peter. Overtime you’d learned to ignore it, though that didn’t make it any less there or painful.

For the second time that night you looked away from your window, deciding he wasn’t going to show up and locked the escape shut before turning off your light.

Maybe tomorrow, you thought and shook away the silly intrusion before falling asleep with your anticipation hidden cunningly behind your fatigue.

“So how do you think you did on the Bio exam?” Ned asked, following you to the lunch room and taking his normal seat beside you.

“I think I did pretty well, there were only a few instances that I wanted to implode but all the other instances I just wanted to leave so that’s good,” you joked and thanked Ned for helping you study last week.

“So how was the exam?” MJ asked once she sat down at the table and pocketed her phone, no doubt just having gotten off the phone with her soulmate.

“Good,” you simply said, throwing Ned a wink and chuckling amongst yourselves.

“How was your weekend?” Ned asked MJ and she immediately went on a spiel recounting the events that unfolded over the weekend for her.

Peter and Liz soon took their seats at the table together and they greeted everyone but the only thing you could center in on was their intertwined fingers. MJ saw you staring at where their bodies connected and she kicked you under the table, pulling you out of your daze. Your panicked eyes landed on hers and you saw the pity in them. She wanted to comfort you, to tell you that you would eventually meet the person you were destined to meet and all the heartache for Peter would pass like a dream but she couldn’t say anything. Not with them sitting right there.

The lunch period couldn’t pass quickly enough, your twisted heart made the seconds seem like hours and the minutes like decades. It was all you could do to pry yourself away from the table and head to your next class seconds before the dismissal bell rang. As if that would help though, you had the next two classes with Peter.

“(Y/N), wait up!” Peter shouted behind you, getting lost in the crowd of teenagers.

“Go away, Peter,” You whispered to yourself, hating the envy you felt towards Liz and the betrayal you felt from Peter. But he had never betrayed you, he never made any promises to you. It was clear practically from the get-go that his interest lied in Liz and only Liz so you should be happy that he finally landed his dream girl. One that he’d been working so hard towards, almost as hard as you tried with him.

“(Y/N), hold on a second I have to – woah, wait, are you okay?” Peter asked once he caught up with you and saw the red of your eyes.

“Peachy, Parker,” you responded and pulled your sleeve out of Peter’s hold.

“Parker?” He asked, caught off guard by the name you addressed him by. You only called him Parker when you were upset with him. He’d heard that name a handful of times in the past few years and every single time it made his gut wrench. “Why are you mad at me?”

“Mad?” You scoffed, walking through the door of your Math class, “I’m not mad, what gave you that impression?”

Peter took his usual seat next to you and leaned over the rail on the desk, “(Y/N), please just talk to me. I'm sorry for whatever I did, I just hate it when you’re mad at me,” he reached out to grab your hand in his but you stuck it in your backpack to grab a pencil instead.

“You’re not sorry, though.” You shook your head and glued your eyes to the blank whiteboard at the head of the room. You were acting irrationally, you knew that. He didn’t have a clue as to what was upsetting you and rightfully so. He’d been oblivious to your feelings for years now so you didn’t know why you expected him to just randomly figure it out.

You sighed and rested your head on your hand, “It’s nothing, Peter,” you spoke much softer now, “Please, just drop it,”

Peter opened his mouth as if to continue arguing but decided against it and faced the front of the class. Usually, you and Peter filled the classroom with your laughs and jokes but this period passed in silence as did the next one you had with him.

You wanted to ask him how long he and Liz were an item but he’s too smart for his own good and he’d connect the dots. But then again, maybe he wouldn’t. He hasn’t connected them thus far. You figured it had to be over the weekend. They’d been so cuddled up against each other while watching the movie that it made sense that they would come back to school the next week feeling even more comfortable with each other.

You figured you could casually ask Liz later in the day but you didn’t even think you wanted to. You mean, did you really want that answer? Did you want to know when they started dating and how it began and who asked who on the date? No. You didn’t. So you remained quiet the rest of the day, afraid your voice would betray you if you spoke.

“Mr. Stark, why am I here?” Peter asked the billionaire in front of him.

Once the final bell rang signaling the end of the school day, Peter walked out the front of the building as he always did but was shocked to see Happy front and center waiting for him. Apparently, Mr. Stark had wanted Peter to come over and meet the team since everyone was together again for the first time in years.

Normally, Peter would be ecstatic to go. He loved seeing Mr. Stark and he’d been urging to meet the team for so long now but all he wanted to do was swing (no pun intended) over to your place and talk to you. He figured if you wouldn’t talk to him as Peter then maybe you’d talk to him as Spider-Man.

But he knew he couldn’t decline so he hopped in like a good boy and let Happy drive him to the Stark compound.

“Nice to see you too, kid,” Tony shot back, a little offended that Peter wasn’t happier to see him.

“Sorry,” Peter apologized, “I didn’t mean for it to come off that way I just have a lot of homework to do,”

Tony eyed him suspiciously but nodded and threw an arm around Peter, “Usually, I’d leave you in misery on the weekdays but I wanted you to meet the team since everyone is here and I don’t know how long before that happens again. So, we’re taking the opportunity now,”

Peter nodded, a bit of excitement in his step though his mind was elsewhere. Tony opened the door for Peter and everyone’s eyes landed on him, causing Peter to feel smaller than he was. There was a silence as everyone took you in but thankfully someone had the decency to break the ice.

“He’s a kid,” Mr. Banner spoke up after a short while.

Tony scoffed, “You should’ve seen the things I was doing at his age, you could hardly call me a kid,”

Bucky eyed you with sadness in his eyes, Peter was so young, too young, to be exposed to the horrors that they all had to face. But he knew Tony wouldn’t make him do something he didn’t want to do. In fact, you’d heard Tony explicitly order Happy to keep Peter under watch and make sure he wasn’t recklessly throwing himself into danger. Whenever a big fight came up, Tony wanted Peter as far away from the battle as possible. That was about the only thing Bucky could appreciate about Tony.

Once the awkward stillness of the ambiance subsided, Peter actually had a pretty good time with the team. They joked about missions they had and recounted everyday life events. When they weren’t out there fighting for the world, they were almost normal.

It wasn’t until a few hours later that Tony had forced Peter to say his good-byes to the team that Thor had said something that encased his mind for the rest of the night.

“Young Parker!” Thor boomed, his arms outstretched for him, “I cannot wait to see what the world makes of you!”

Peter smiled at Thor, “Thank you!” He beamed at the compliment.

“We spent much time deciding what to do for you and your other half. Your lady and you will do wonderous things!” Thor chuckled with a gleam in his eye.

Peter raised an eyebrow, “Deciding? What do you mean?”

Thor’s happy demeanor changed quickly to one of panic, “Nothing! I speak foolishness,” he tried to cover up but his curiosity got the better of him, “Have you not figured out who your partner is yet?”

Peter shook his head, “Uh, no. Not yet,”

Thor’s head lightly cocked to the side, “How could you not? You’ve been together for so long already,”

“You know who my Soulmate is?” Peter asked, surprise evident in his tone.

“Well, of course! We wouldn’t have spent a millennium creating you just to forget who you are,” Thor boasted, pride on his shoulders.

“Creating?” Peter repeated, his mind not being able to wrap around Thor’s words.

“All right, buddy.” Tony patted Thor’s chest and tried to pull him away, “You’ve screwed up enough as it is,”

Thor’s joyous mood was not dwindled by Tony’s interruption, “You have great things ahead of you, Peter Parker. Great things ahead for both of you,”

“Come on, Thor.” Natasha intercepted, dragging him away from a bewildered Peter.

Peter looked up at Tony with an eyebrow raised, “What was that?” he merely asked, pointing lazily at the thundering God.

“Don’t worry about it, Kid. You’ll understand soon enough,” Tony half explained and called for Happy to come over. “Drop him off, will ya, Happy? And maybe pick him up some food on the way, he’s too skinny,”

Peter shook his head and walked out the door with Happy knowing Tony wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to know.

You had just managed to finish your homework by the time the sun set outside so you grabbed a mug of warm liquid and perched on your fire escape, hoping that a certain someone would join you. An hour had passed and still nothing so you went back inside to grab a blanket and wrapped yourself in it and turned on your favorite show to begin watching it outside, hoping the distraction would make the time go by faster.

You had eventually become so immersed in the characters on your screen that the shaking of the fire escape caught you by surprise and you grabbed your phone from midair to prevent it from crashing onto the floor.

“Jesus!” You said, resting your hand on your heart to calm its pace.

“Nope, just me,” Spider-Man joked and cocked his head to the side, “What are you doing out here?”

You cleared your throat and took a sip from the warm mug in your hand, “Thinking,” you twisted the truth a bit.

“About?” He asked, taking his normal seat next to your window and stretching his hand out to have a drink.

You handed him the mug and wrapped yourself deeper in the thick blanket, “Everything. I’ve just been thinking a lot recently,”

“As opposed to other times?” He asked, pulling his mask up ever so slightly to drink.

You chuckled and elbowed him, “Quit being a jerk,”

He chuckled too and lifted his hands, “Sorry, it’s just kind of sad seeing you out here,” he admitted, setting the cup down in the little space between the both of you.

“So you visit me because you think I’m sad?” You asked, a hint of irritation in your voice.

“No! Not at all!” Spider-Man tried to defend, waving his hands in front of him before sighing, “It’s just, I like spending time with you and knowing that you’re upset makes me want to make you not upset, ya know?”

You eyed him suspiciously but then giggled at his lame explanation, “Yeah, I guess so. I don’t think I’d like to see you upset either,”

“No?” He asked, a visible raise in his eyebrow area through his mask.

“No,” you confirmed and looked away from him, afraid he would see the blush on your cheeks.

“So, then what’s upsetting you?”

You sighed and rested your head against your window, “Remember how I told you that my crush on this guy was unrequited?” You asked, still looking away from him, “Well, I’d always hoped that maybe I had a chance with him but after today I know there isn’t one,”

“How come?” He asked, scooting closer to you so your shoulders were touching despite you being wrapped in the blanket.

“He’s with someone,” you said, resting your head on his shoulder, “Someone I can’t compete with,”

He didn’t say anything for a while, just let you stay there on his shoulder while he tried to connect the dots in his mind but he couldn’t come to a resolution. “Why do you have to compete? Why not just tell him and see what he says?”

You snorted, “Would you tell the person you liked for three years that you had feelings for them?”

Spider-Man sat quietly for a moment, looking straight at you before shaking his head, “No, I guess not. Not if I thought she didn’t like me back,”

“Exactly,” you said, crossing your arms, “I’m hoping I just get over him soon but it’s been three years and everyday it gets harder to keep it a secret from him,”

“Maybe it gets harder because you’re supposed to tell him,” he offered.

“I thought we went through this,” you said, “Besides, I’m not even sure we have the same Indication anyway,”

“I get it. I’ve never met anyone with the same Indicator I have either,” he said.

“You have a weird Indicator too?” You asked, sitting up a little bit straighter.

He nodded, looking up at the sky above you and the little hope you had dwindled as he seemed to be able to see the glistening lights. “Yeah, that’s why I was so curious about yours,”

“Well, what is it?” You asked, tensing around the warm mug in your hands.

He looked down from the sky and faced you, “Yeah right! I asked you first,” he teased and was rewarded with a huff from you.

“So?” You persisted.

“You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine,” he offered.

You grumbled and sat back against the window, “Forget I asked.” You waved your hand as if dismissing the subject then looked over at him, “You cold?” You asked, noting that the air had been chilly tonight.

You opened up the blanket and offered him the available sheet. He looked at you for a moment, not wanting to say that his suit kept him comfortable despite the temperature outside. So he shrugged and scooted closer to you, wrapping the sheet around his shoulder and connecting it back in the middle.

You two stayed like that, mumbling about how your weekend went and you’d let it slip that you’d waited for him both Saturday and Sunday. He teased you for waiting for him but it strangely warmed his heart that you had wanted to see him again so soon. He always thought Peter Parker was never good enough for you but now that you were here, resting your head on his shoulder and falling asleep in the safety he offered, he thought Spider-Man just might be.

Peter picked up your sleeping body and crawled back into your room, placing you gently on the bed before tucking you in. He wanted to do something more, to kiss you goodnight, to lay beside you, anything really. But Peter and Liz had just become a thing and in truth he’d been dating her to attempt to get over you. It wasn’t fair to Liz to have Peter and for you to have Spider-Man. They were one and the same. Or maybe they weren’t?

Peter walked around your room, admiring the pictures you’d had hung up on your wall of all of them. He loved how much you cared for them and for that reason he was too terrified to tell you that for as long as he’s known you, he’s wanted more than a simple friendship. He wanted all of you and everything you had to offer but he didn’t think you wanted him. You didn’t want Peter Parker. But your interest in Spider-Man was something he could work with.

He looked back at your sleeping figure one last time before shutting the window behind him and taking his normal patrol for the night.

You awoke to a panicked tapping at your window and you sat up in your bed, your hair sprawled all over the place. You turned towards the source of the noise and saw the masked boy tapping against the glass, leaving a red liquid in its wake.

Blood.

You shot out of bed, making sure to land softly as your mother had been in the next room over sleeping. You hurried to the window after locking your bedroom door and caught Spider-Man as he fumbled over. You did your best to place him on your bed, not worried about the stains that were bound to show up.

“What happened?” You asked, panic coursing through your veins.

“Robber. Bank. Machete.” He wheezed out, toppling over onto you and your hands were now soaked from the warm liquid.

“We can’t do this here,” you said, afraid your mom would wake up and kick him out. “Let’s get you to the roof.” You grabbed your blanket and rushed to get the emergency kit your mom had in the bathroom. Luckily, she was a doctor so she has almost everything you needed. The only problem was that she was a doctor, not you so your stitching would be a lousy job.

You threw Spider-Man’s arm over your shoulder and fumbled out of the window, closing it behind you and walking up the two flights until you reached the roof. He collapsed on the edge and you sprawled out your, thankfully, red sheets so the gravel wouldn’t dig into his back. You placed him as gently as you could on the blanket and began taking out the supplies you needed, placing them beside his open wound.

You almost threw up at the sight. The gash was deep and went from the front of his torso to the back.

“All right, hold still,” you said, dowsing your hands in rubbing alcohol and soaking the wound with it as well.

He hissed in pain and your shaky hands pressed sterile cloth against the wound to soak up the extra blood. You turned the light on from your phone and rested it on the ledge to hold it in place. You threw the dirty cloth aside and barely managed to get the thread through the hole of the needle as adrenaline ran through you.

“Got it!” you whispered, immediately making a thick knot and placing down the needle. “We have to take this off.” You reached around, looking for the opening of his suit but his weak hands kept yours at bay.

“No! Just work around it,” he ordered, barely managing to get the words out.

“Spidey, I can’t do this without seeing the gash!” You tried to argue, keeping your voice as low as possible.

“No, (Y/N),” he somehow fought back and you internally screamed at him, knowing you had no choice.

“Fine!” You shouted and grabbed the area that was already torn and ripped it apart even more to get a better look at the wound.

“Okay, this’ll hurt a little,” you warned and placed your hand against his ribcage to steady yourself while you stitched him up.

The lights from the city disappeared all at once and you were surrounded by nothing but darkness, even your phone was gone. The only thing you could see was Spider-Man laying in front of you, the pain that was evident through his mask no longer there and he stared up at you in confusion as the place where you pressed against him radiated with a cooling touch. You looked down at your bare skin touching his torso and how it glowed with a yellowish hue.

“What the hell is happening?” You asked, not being able to pry your hand from his body until all the blood had disappeared and the gash had closed. “What the fuck?” You asked incredulously, finally managing to get your hand back.

“What are you doing?” You asked him but he gripped onto your wrist and looked around just as confused as you were.

“This isn’t me,” he defended and stood up immediately to place you behind him in a defensive stance.

Pitch black was all that surrounded you, you couldn’t even see the outline of the building around you nor the streetlights glowing. All you could see was the masked hero in front of you and you clung onto him in fear.

Come find us.

A voice echoed all around you, causing Spider-Man to turn in multiple directions, looking for the source of the noise. Your panic subsided as the voice lulled you, calling you forward. You stepped out behind Spider-Man and walked forward, somehow knowing that whoever was calling out to you meant no harm.

Spider-Man grabbed at your wrist, his fingertips peeking through the tears on his suit and causing the same cooling sensation to erupt from your point of contact. He looked down at where he held onto you then back up to your eyes, realization dawning on him as to what was happening.

“It’s you,” he said, his grip on your wrist tightening ever so slightly, “It’s always been you,”

And your chest burst with emotions galore. That strong pull you’d felt whenever you’d hung out with him intensified by 3000 and it took all your strength not to throw yourself in his arms. Your body called for him, demanded him but you couldn’t just give yourself to him despite how desperately you wanted to.

His grip loosed on your wrist but he pulled on your arm and you did exactly what you were trying to prevent from happening. You pressed your chest against his, loving how firm it felt on your own, and his hands rested on your waist, bringing you as close to him as possible. Your hands went up on their own accord and you found the hem of his mask, bringing it up just enough to expose his lips and he leaned in, holding you as tightly as he was holding on to this moment. A moment he’d waited so long for. And a moment you’d fantasized about over and over again, you just didn’t know it.

His lips pressed against yours and you melted into the feeling. You wrapped your arms around his neck, shifting your head to mold your lips exactly to his and when you say that they fit together perfectly, you meant it. His lips danced against yours, moving in unison as heat radiated through your body to be replaced with the equivalent of a cooling breeze.

Wind whipped violently around you, flailing your hair (unless you have short or curly hair then dismiss this) and smacking you in the face but you didn’t care. You immersed yourself in him, feeling his body flush against yours, his hands pressing your hips against his and then moving one hand up your back to grab your neck, making sure you couldn’t pull away.

Memories flashed before your eyes, memories that weren’t your own. You saw you through his eyes. The affection and call he felt before you’d touched for the first time. You witnessed him get bitten by a radioactive spider and the first time Tony approached him. You lived his most important memories, all without ever seeing a face behind the mask. That was a decision the Gods’ wanted him to make.

Come find us.

The voice called again and both you and Spider-Man pulled away, out of breath from the overflow of magic upon meeting that made you both lunge at each other moments ago.

He scanned your face over and over again, his arms still holding you to him desperately and the smile that sprawled onto his face made you want to see it for the rest of your life. When he finally managed to look away from you, he gasped at the sight above him.

“Look,” he said, twisting you around and holding you from behind.

Your heartrate accelerated as you brought your gaze up at the sky you’d waited so long to see. Your body shook in fear and anticipation and all the other wonderful things building up inside of you. You held your breath and looked up and the sight made your draw drop.

It wasn’t like the stars you’d seen in pictures or movies. They didn’t look how anyone had described. They were so much more. The sky had an abundance of stars, with little empty space between them. You could see hundreds of thousands of balls of light and yet you could differentiate every single one of them. You instinctively knew which balls were planets and which were suns. There was a cloudy streak across the sky illuminated in blue and purple that looked like a vortex into another galaxy. You could see the belt clear as day with no strain or telescope required. Everything was accessible to you. Everything was known to you. You weren’t just seeing the stars you were perfectly and clearly seeing your galaxy. You’d only seen photos like this once or twice in your lifetime and you figured they had to have been created by someone who could see everything that you could because this was magic at its finest. At its most raw and beautiful. And you fell in love with what the Gods had gifted you as it was truly a blessing.

You somehow managed to pry your eyes from the sky and admire the man behind you who hadn’t yet built up the strength to pull his gaze away from the sight above.

Spider-Man was your soulmate. The Spider-Man. Now all you needed to do was find out who the hell he was.

Tags : @wherewecomealive @theolwebshooter @watson-emma @le-yona @alainabooks143 @dark-night-sky-99 @myr5heart @the-ducks-umbrella @shameless-danni @powerstrangerdacre @whutisthus

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dawninlatin · 4 years

Text

Haste

A Feysand Modern AU One Shot

Words: 4433

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Summary: Feyre comes back home after quitting college and breaking up with her boyfriend. During a night out, she starts seeing her friend Rhys in a new light. (Warning: There is some smut by the end)

The title comes from the song “Haste” by RY X, and if you wanna vibe, I suggest you go listen to it:)

A/N: Sorry for how long this note is, guess I had a lot to say, lol. This is actually the first fic I ever wrote, but I wanted to repost it, because I had only posted the AO3 link before, and wasn’t happy with that format. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all my amazing followers and readers!<3

When reading through this fic, there were so many things I wanted to change, (like, why did I think it was a good idea to have every other word written in italics?? And I’m so sorry for the cheesy dialogue and suuuuper long paragraphs...), but I decided to keep it as it was, because it shows how far I’ve come from that day in February where I sat up half the night writing, thinking that no one would ever read this, because my English wasn’t good enough, and my writing wasn’t good enough.

Yet I still posted it, and the response I got was more than I ever expected! This, along with all the other response I’ve gotten on all my other fics, has helped me so much with my writing, but more importantly, has helped me become the person I am today. So thank you so much, to everyone who takes the time to read, to everyone who likes, and reblogs, and leaves comments, and keep encouraging me! Thank you to all you wonderful people I have gotten to know on this app, tumblr has become a second home for me! From the bottom of my heart, I love y’all!<3<3<3

This was not how Feyre had pictured her night. Had she been the one to decide, it would consist of greasy pizza, a bottle of tequila and some crappy rom-com. Feyre had gotten as far as scrolling through Netflix in search for one, when her best friend Mor walked in the door of the apartment and declared that Feyre better get her ass of that couch, take a fucking shower and put on some decent clothing, because they were going out.

Feyre hadn’t felt like she was in the right position to protest; it was Mor’s couch she’d been occupying for the past week after all. Had it been a week already? she wondered. A week since Feyre had finally broken up with her asshole boyfriend Tamlin and then jumped on a bus to California, because the only person in the world she wanted to be with then was Mor. She had felt the need to share this victory with the only person that could always make her feel better. Of course, the high had ended as soon as she stood on Mor’s doorstep, where she had taken one look at her best friend and turned into a sobbing mess. That was about how she had spent the following week as well. She didn’t want to cry over the bastard, but he had been part of her life for the past two years, and she had loved him. Once.

So instead of spending the night on Mor's couch, wallowing in self pity, Feyre now found herself standing in the middle of a dance club crowded with drunk, sweaty people, playing way too loud music - the blinking lights making her dizzy. She had borrowed one of Mor’s dresses - and though this was considered modest in Mor’s eyes - she found herself constantly pulling at the black fabric, not comfortable with how much thigh it showed off.

Feyre scanned the room, trying to find her friend, and as she was about to declare the task impossible, she eyed a red dress and a head of blond curls. Mor was elbowing her way through the crowd, drinks in hand, accompanied by two men Feyre recognized. The tall, muscular one with shoulder-length, dark hair and a cocky smirk was Cassian, and the slightly shorter one with a shy smile was Azriel.

As they approached her, Cassian went in for a one-armed hug. «It’s good to see you Feyre!» He grinned at her, and she found herself grinning back despite her unhappy mood earlier. She really had missed these people.

«Hi Feyre, you look well!» Feyre looked up to see Azriel smiling at her, accompanied by an awkward wave. He was more of the quiet, observing type of guy, but that was exactly what Feyre liked so much about him. He was quiet, yes, but the silence was never uncomfortable.

«You as well, Azriel.» She smiled back at him, then turned towards Mor, who handed her a drink.

«Don’t look so shy Feyre. You look amazing tonight!» Mor winked at her, then gestured to the rest of the club. «You should have seen all the guys eyeing you when we walked in. Actually…if you hadn’t been my best friend, and straight-» she made a disappointed face at that, which made their whole group laugh, including Feyre, «-I totally would have slept with you.» Feyre laughed even more at that, but Mor was right. She felt good tonight. Sexy, even. She felt something she hadn’t felt in a long way. She was excited for what the night - the future - would bring.

«I might not wanna sleep with you, but I think that brunette at the bar wants to.» Feyre nodded her head towards the young woman ogling her friend.

«Hell yes!» Mor exclaimed. She put her arms around Feyre and Azriel’s shoulders. «Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we’re gonna get laid!»

«Cheers to that!» Cassian laughed, lifting his drink. As Feyre sipped hers, she felt light, almost giddy, with excitement and joy. At the same moment, she noticed someone was missing from their small gathering. Rhys.

She couldn’t fathom how she hadn’t noticed before. Mor’s annoying cousin was difficult to ignore whenever he was present. The prick always teased, always came with innuendos, or witty remarks. He had the biggest ego Feyre had ever encountered. Still, Feyre found herself to be missing Rhysand’s snarky comments and their never-ending banter. Before she had time to stop herself, she spoke the sentence: «Hey guys, where’s Rhys?»

Cassian wiggled his eyebrows at her, but she chose to ignore him. «He’s coming later. Had to work overtime» Mor answered. Feyre nodded, before quickly switching the subject over to their plans for the rest of the summer.

As soon as they had some alcohol in their blood, Feyre and her small group of friends moved on to the dance floor. Feyre was jumping around, singing along to whatever song they were blasting, joking and laughing with Mor and Cassian, teasing Azriel for not wanting to join them. They looked like idiots, but they were happy idiots. She could feel the heavy bass in her whole body, along with her beating heart. She was so, so happy . Happier than all of last year combined. Hell, she hadn’t been this happy since high school, when she, Mor, Cassian, Azriel, even Rhys, had been together almost every day. Always laughing, joking. But that had been before Tamlin, and before she had been stupid enough to move halfway across the country for college.

Feyre scolded herself for thinking about Tamlin again. The point of tonight was to forget him. To have fun. And she was having fun, and she was happy. So happy that at any moment she could grow wings and disappear into the night. She had no worries. No worries of the home she had left behind, or college, or her ex-boyfriend, or what tomorrow would bring. She was here, now, and she felt fucking amazing.

Feyre heard Cassian greet someone, and turned just in time to meet a pair of shockingly blue eyes. Rhys. Her breath caught, her heart thundering in her chest, and she found herself not being able to look away. He held her gaze, refusing to be the first to break eye contact. Feyre didn’t know if it was the lights, the music, the alcohol, the warm summer night, still young and full of possibilities, or the feeling of finally being free, but it was as if she was seeing him for the first time.

Had he always been this handsome? she asked herself, taking in his lean, muscular form, his tight-fitting jeans, the white shirt opened just enough to show off the tattoos swirling across his chest. She stared at his sharp jawline, his soft lips, his eyes, so blue they were practically glowing, his dark, messy hair. Oh, how she wanted to run her fingers through his hair.

A cough from Mor made Feyre tear her eyes away at last. I must be drunker than I thought , she mused. This was Rhys she was thinking about. The man who annoyed her to no end. The man who was known for his many hook-ups and one night stands and flirts and just- argh.

«How nice of you to finally show up,» Cassian said as he threw an arm around Rhys’ shoulder and handed him a drink. Rhys made a comment that had Cassian roaring with laughter, but Feyre didn’t hear what it was, because Rhys was looking at her with such an intensity that it made her insides tingle. Stop it, she thought. You had a boyfriend just a week ago.

«Hey Feyre. It’s good to see you again.» Rhys smiled at her, but it wasn’t his usual cocky smirk. It almost looked a little sad. Feyre suddenly found the floor very interesting, not being able to keep herself from blushing or biting her lip. She could feel his eyes on her. Burning. Then Mor shouted «Who wants shots?», and the moment was over.

The night went on. They drank, they danced, they talked about college and hook-ups and high school. Feyre almost wanted to cry at the feeling of how familiar it all was. She had been afraid that her moving to Boston would change everything - and it had, for a little while - but she was back now, and everything was normal. Except for Rhys, maybe. Something had definitely changed between the two of them.

Gone was the teasing and never-ending banter. In its place was something brand new. They hadn’t said anything to one another except for pleasantries for the entirety of the evening, but Feyre caught him staring at her constantly, with this sad, longing look in his eyes. And to be honest, she hadn’t been able to keep her eyes off of him either.

Right now, they were all sitting at the bar, watching Cassian stick his tongue down the throat of some random blonde on the dance floor. Mor suddenly stood up, announcing she was gonna go try her luck with the woman she had been flirting with all night.

«Come on, Azriel. You’re gonna be my wingman.» His protest died on his lips as More pulled him after her.

All there was left, was Feyre and Rhys. Not able to meet each others eyes.

But Feyre was feeling brave this night. It might have been the alcohol, or the still-lingering high of having broken up with the asshole that had made her life miserable for the past year. She muttered a quiet «fuck it», downed her drink, stood up, and looked her friend straight in the eyes. «Do you wanna dance?»

Rhys’s face was lit up by a bright smile. «I thought you’d never ask, Feyre darling.» Her insides warmed at the familiar nickname, and she found herself smiling just as brightly. Rhys took her hand, leading her to the dance floor, where some old EDM shit was playing.

Feyre didn’t care about the bad music, or the bright lights, or the sweat coating her body. She was here with Rhys. His body was so close now, and she could smell his all-familiar scent of citrus and sea.

She lost track of how long they danced. None of them were any good at it, but they were laughing and having fun. Feyre felt 17 again, jumping around, sweaty and drunk, but happy. «God, I missed this!» she exclaimed, grinning at Rhys, just as the fast rhythms and heavy bass switched over to a slow ballad.

Hesitantly, Feyre glanced at Rhys, suddenly feeling shy and unsure. He raised his eyebrows in a silent question. She understood what he meant immediately, and nodded, biting her lip. Rhys stepped closer, and put his arms around her waist. She placed hers around his neck, swaying along with the music.

She looked at the man in front of her. Really looked at him this time. How had she not noticed before, how strikingly beautiful he was? His sharp angles, kissable lips, silky hair, the blue eyes she could get lost in if she stared for too long. Said eyes were taking in her just as intensely at the moment.

«You are so beautiful tonight, Feyre.» His voice was hoarse, laced with restraint. Feyre felt a longing, deep within herself. She wanted to tell him he was beautiful too, wanted to kiss him, wanted to cry, wanted to just leave, wanted to stay in his arms forever. She wanted to be his. She did neither, couldn’t find the courage to do so.

Instead, she stepped closer, and pressed her forehead against his, feeling his strained breath against her lips. Everything around them disappeared. The world narrowing down to the two of them, together, forehead against forehead, in the midst of a warm night in June.

Then the song ended, and the moment was over. Feyre stepped back, but she continued to hold his gaze. Rhys looked towards the exit. «Come, I wanna show you something.» He grabbed her hand, and then he was leading her through the crowd. They walked past Mor, who muttered a «fucking finally!» that made them both chuckle.

Outside, they were surrounded by warm, summer air, a chill breeze running over their exposed skin. Rhys looked at Feyre with mischief in his eyes. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach.

«What exactly was it that you wanted to show me?» she asked, not being able to hide her curiosity.

«You’ll see, just trust me.» Rhys looked giddy with excitement. He was bouncing on his feet now. «Follow me, we don’t wanna miss it.» Then he started walking. Fast.

«Miss what?» Feyre shouted after him, but he didn’t answer. Rhys just kept on walking, and she struggled to keep up with him. «I have shorter legs than you, remember? And I’m currently in heals, which puts me at an unfair disadvantage.» He stopped a few steps ahead, an amused look on his face.

«We have to wait a few minutes now,» he announced, all serious. Feyre looked around where they were standing, a few blocks away from the club. The whole city was sleeping. The sight of the quiet, empty streets bewitching.

Then a bright, yellow bus stopped in front of them. Also empty. She followed Rhys onto it, confusion growing more and more. «The bus? Where exactly are we going?»

The puzzled look on Feyre's face made him chuckle. «I swear, the mystery will be worth it once we get there. Now, we could have walked, but then we would miss it.» He must have seen the question forming on her lips, because he raised a finger. «And no, I still won’t tell you what it is.»

She rolled her eyes and muttered a quiet «prick». The nickname made him laugh, and she laughed with him, because Feyre hadn’t called him that since high school. It had been way too long since they’d been together like this. Still, under all the joking and laughing, there was an unfamiliar tension that hadn’t been there before.

After only five minutes, Rhys announced that they had reached their destination. He stepped out onto the street, and led Feyre towards a beach. The sight in front of her was breathtaking. The dark waves crashing against the sand, the sky - the nearing dawn making it a deep pink - birds flying over their heads, and Rhys, who had taken off his shoes and started walking towards the ocean. Feyre followed him, slipping out of her heels. The moment she felt the familiar California sand under her toes again, she laughed with joy. A rich and warm sound she hadn’t made in forever.

Rhys, who was standing in the water now, looked up at her, the same bright smile on his face. He waved at her to hurry up, and she walked the final steps to him. The sea was warm, and the salty smell of it was amazing. It was home. She looked towards the horizon, where the sun barely had begun to rise. Then she looked up at Rhys again.

«The sunrise. That’s what you wanted to show me.» Rhys only nodded, before looking ahead of them. Feyre took in the sight again, and she felt something she hadn’t felt in a long time. She wanted, no, she needed to paint.

Her thoughts were disturbed by Rhys, who was now sitting in the sand, jeans cuffed up to his knees. «Come sit with me, Feyre.» He patted the spot next to him.

Feyre stepped back and sat down, feeling the waves crash against her legs. She looked to Rhys, and said the only thing that could come to her mind with a playful smirk on her lips. «How did your dad take it when he found out his only son was gonna major in English, and not business?»

Rhys grimaced. «He was pissed at first, even threatened to write me out of his will, but he came around - eventually.» They chuckled at that, both knowing how angry Rhys’ father could get, but also how he always gave in when it came to his children. «How about you? How’s all the art stuff going?» Rhys asked, his eyebrows raised in question.

«Urgh,» Feyre cringed, «I dropped out in March, haven’t touched a paint brush since.» She should have been sad or ashamed when admitting that, but she felt good, knowing she had made the right choice. She had been miserable in Boston.

Rhys looked at her, concern lining his face. «That bad, huh?»

«What can I say? Boston sucked, and I would much rather be here, with you guys.» She grinned at him, and he grinned back.

«So you’re back for good now?» Feyre only nodded, turning back towards the rising sun.

The sight in front of her was hypnotizing. «I didn’t realize how much I’ve really missed home.» The words were out before she managed to think. Rhys only hummed quietly beside her. Seemingly lost in his own thoughts. Feyre turned towards him. His eyes were closed, a small smile on his lips. «What’s on your mind?» she wondered out loud.

Rhys opened his eyes then, and looked at her. «A thought for thought?» he suggested. She smiled at the reminder of the little game they used to play when they were younger. «I can begin,» he continued.

He looked towards the horizon again, taking a deep breath. «I’m thinking that when I walked into the club tonight, I was so happy to see you, because you were so happy. You were dancing and laughing and I thought that finally we had gotten our Feyre back. After you left for Boston, and after you met him, it was as if you disappeared.» Feyre tried to swallow the lump in her throat. He sounded wounded, almost. Did he really care about her that much?

«You visited, of course, but it was like a stranger had replaced you. You were a shell of who you once used to be. You stopped laughing, stopped making inappropriate jokes, and I missed you. God, I missed you so much.» Feyre felt like she might cry at his words, but she didn’t. All she did was stare ahead, and take his hand. She squeezed it, encouraging him to continue. He squeezed back.

«As I said, when I saw you tonight, I was sure we had gotten the old Feyre back. Mor told me what had happened in Boston - why you were back - and I was sure that everything would return to normal between us.» He took a break, clearly anxious of saying what was next.

«But everything isn’t back to normal. Something has changed. I can feel it, and I think you can too.» He looked at her now, that intense longing once again in his eyes. She met his gaze, and suddenly felt brave enough to say:

«I can feel the change too, yes, but I think it’s a good change.» Then she leaned in, and kissed him.

Rhys went completely still at first, and Feyre was afraid that she had misunderstood their conversation. Then he seemed to realize what was happening. He put one arm around her waist, the other tangling in her hair, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss.

His lips tasted salty, she thought, but sweet at the same time. She could get drunk on him alone. Feyre was breathless, and dizzy, but she decided this was the best feeling in the world.

She was kissing Rhys.

He pressed his tongue against her lips, and she opened up for him, moaning at the sensation. She put her hands in his hair, slightly pulling at it. The silky strands feeling soft in her fingers.

Kissing Rhys was everything, but at the same time it was not enough. She needed more. Needed to be closer, needed to feel more of him. She pulled away slightly, breathless, heart thundering, blood rushing in her ears. Rhys looked at her, just as breathless, a hungry gleam in his eyes. «How far is it to your place?» He only smirked in answer.

Rhys stood up, picking Feyre up with him. She laughed as he almost dropped her, then she wrapped her legs around his waist. He didn’t walk far before they reached a small house. Rhys put her down, pulled a pair of keys out of his pocket, and unlocked the door.

Feyre marveled at the place as they stepped inside. It was small, but it was stunning. Large glass windows facing the ocean, green plants covering every available surface, and several over-filled bookshelves. She turned to look at Rhys, who had stopped in the doorway, staring at her taking in his place, surprise clearly written on her face. She took a step towards him. Then another. And another, until their mouths crashed together again.

Rhys moved his lips over her jaw, down her throat, her neck. Feyre moaned, struggling to get his shirt off fast enough, both minds clouded with lust and the haste to be as close together as possible. Skin to skin.

She finally managed to open the last button, pulling off the fabric. Feyre took in his muscled, tan chest and the many tattoos covering it. She leaned forward, and pressed her lips to the spot right above his heart. She could feel it hammering beneath his skin. She moved upwards, ghosting them over his collarbone, his neck, his throat, his jawline, then finally his lip.

Rhys grabbed her face, kissing her with such an intensity it made her dizzy. She was about to start fumbling with his belt when Rhys pulled away. «Are you sure you want this?» he asked, all out of breath, voice cracking, and Feyre would have thought his consideration and worry to be cute, had she not been so desperate to press her naked body against his. So she only nodded, and stepped back to pull her dress over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra.

That seemed to be the end of Rhys' restraint. He took a step towards her, grabbed her under her thighs, and hoisted her up so she was sitting with her legs around his waist. Feyre moaned at the feeling of him pressing against her, hard and ready, and she felt a warm throbbing between her own legs.

Feyre let out a breathy «why the hell do you still have pants on?» that made Rhys chuckle. She felt the sound moving through his whole body. He walked across the room, laid her down on the bed and quickly got rid of his pants. Feyre almost drooled at the sight of his large cock. She reached out a hand and stroked him through the thin fabric of his boxers. Rhys groaned at the feeling, and leaned over her, placing his mouth on one of her nipples.

It felt exquisite. Rhys, his wandering hands, her body tingling with sensation, his hot mouth on her skin. She needed more, more, more. Feyre pulled his cock free, and he kicked of his underwear. One of his hands reached the band of her own panties, a finger dipping into her core, then slowly circling her clit.

It was too much and not enough and she needed more. Rhys slid off her underwear, and all of a sudden there was nothing between them. «Do you have a condom?» Feyre didn’t know how she managed to form words at this point, but he reached behind her and grabbed one. Feyre took it and rolled it on him, while his mouth explored every inch of her breasts, and his hand slowly stroked the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs.

Feyre needed him inside her, now. She lined his cock up with her entrance, then she looked him in the eyes. He took her hint, slowly, oh so slowly, pushing himself in, not breaking eye contact.

Feyre moaned at the feeling of him filling her, widening her. He was thick and warm and it felt amazing. She pulled his mouth to hers, and he pressed his tongue inside her, filling her in two places. He pulled out slightly, then pushed in to the hilt this time. Rhys groaned at the sensation, his hand still drawing circles over her clit.

It felt so good, she was seeing stars. The wave inside her rising and rising with no end as Rhys picked up his pace, slamming to the hilt and hitting that magic spot every. damn. time.

Words like more or faster or deeper filled the warm air around them. Rhys buried his head between her shoulder and neck, moaning her name. Feyre felt her pussy clench around him, nearing that sweet, sweet edge. «Rhys, I need to…»

He seemed to understand what she meant, because he went even faster, fingers pressing down against her clit, and fuck it felt so good! His eyes met her eyes, his forehead pressed against her forehead, and she felt his words as a breath against her lips. «Come, Feyre.»

Those words pushed her over the edge immediately, wave crashing over her like nothing ever had before. It lasted a lifetime. That sweet, unending pleasure. She clenched around him again and again, until he started losing control, losing rhythm, and at last he came with her, groaning.

When it was over, the world around them went quiet. The sun was shining through the curtains, a new day beginning, Rhys collapsed on top of Feyre, stroking her disheveled hair away from her face. «That was…» she didn’t know how to end that sentence. She wanted to stay here with him forever. Just the two of them. Skin to skin.

Rhys looked at her, amusement coloring his face. «Intense?» he suggested. Feyre chuckled, tapping her fingers against his chest. He pulled out, turned on his back, taking her with him, so that she lay on his chest, ear placed right over his heart.

«I was gonna go with best sex of my life, but intense works too I guess.» He laughed at that. A warm, loud laughter that she could feel in her whole body. He kissed the top of her head, and pulled a blanked over them.

As Feyre lay there, feeling Rhys draw slow circles on her back, listening to the waves, letting the steady beat of his heart and the sound of his even breaths lull her to sleep, she knew that nothing would ever be the same after this night. She felt almost electric with excitement over what the rest of the summer would bring. One thing she was sure of, Rhys would be part of it.

#feysand #feyre x rhysand #rhysand x feyre #feyre archeron #rhysand #rhys x feyre #feyre x rhys #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #sarah j maas #acotar fanfic #feysand fanfiction #dawninlatin fanfiction

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sunriseintropicisle · 3 years

Text

Things that makes me happier

I gave up posting number in front of my post title, initially it was to mark whether I reach the goal of posting a writing every week, which made me had to post 52 writings for the year of 2021, and by this point I am pretty sure I am not gonna reach that number so yes, we can forget it.

So I personally feel like recently I am in a better state of being, and have lots of idea coming up in my head. While I still religiously write on my handwritten journal, I feel like writing, in case my nonexistent reader would like to know, or give some inspirations. Lol, like who you are.

No, really, I am just really believe in sharing, and I would love to know if my mundane knowledge or experience be insightful even to only one other person. Because I myself found multiple times that a knowledge/sharing that someone posted online impacted me greatly - hence I am just thinking about the other me who may be seeking the things I am about to say/share.

Things that makes me happier are:

Intermittent Fasting

I have been doing IF for 2 weeks now, and yeah, it makes me feel good. I started initially because, duh, like everyone else, I wanted to lose weight. Some might want to kick me in the ass for saying such thing, and assure me that I have normal body and yada yada. And, as straight forward as it is - I just want to be as skinny as possible. Hahaha. Maybe it is something to do with me very sold into the standard beauty, or maybe it’s got to do with something in the past - I was quite cheeky.

However, even though I always say that I want to lose weight, over the years I have never really made the effort. Some days I took it hard some days it just a normal day, me eating this and that and whatnot. But then I have noted the intention of me wanting to be so skinny, on top of those beauty standard I believe have huge impact in me and a quite hard time in the past for being cheeky is because it simply makes me feel lighter, not holding anything within my body. Because for the context and some TMI, I have a not so good digestion, so yeah. There was a period of the time that I often I feel stuffed and bloated - which felt so uncomfortable, that I can’t stand working while sitting because I felt my stomach is getting on my way.

I tried IF a while back, and it worked for me, so now I decided to try it again now. Intention achieved. I believe it was because the time window for eating that pool all the food I eat in a day to be only consumed for certain times (I do 7 hours, my best convenience). I used to eat on times where, looking back, I was not really hungry, you know. Like breakfast - turned out (I don’t know why I forget about this) that I am not a breakfast person. All through high school I don’t remember myself sitting, eating breakfast in my uniform.

But then I just picked up a habit of eating breakfast while my stomach is actually not really ready for it, which end up making me feel bloated that last long all through lunch and pretty much for the day - and then without me knowing the new day has begin, and the cycle starts all over.

So yeah, IF had helped me to be to schedule my eating time which made my digestion works better I guess, and no more me having a bloated stomach constantly.

Quitting Social Media

Finally I succeed in cutting myself with social media. This, I also had tried in the beginning of the pandemic I guess - went on without social media for weeks and at that time I really felt the benefit and all, until I came back to social media and can not disconnect ever since. Even though I have been wanting to detox myself, but at the same time I felt really dependent on it.

It took me one lows moment of life to finally be able to went cold turkey about disconnecting. It was when I felt frustrated on Twitter news where every day it seems like there were a bad news - people died, people lost jobs, people complaining, the news about our incompetent and corrupt government and so on. Without me realizing, it took a toll on myself. Other than that was me who checking in Linkedin constantly at the time and seeing my friends’ profile whose climbing up the corporate ladder, while I was unsure and questioning whether I am in the right place (sounds like the problem of these days youth who lives in their own bubble, yeah?).

So one Friday where I had one of my breakdown, I went MIA for the weekend to the people who are close to me, as well as to my social media. It’s only been 2 weeks now, but it is safe to say that I can reclaim myself within these times, suddenly lots of thinking came up to me, as if all these times the bad news maybe somewhat oppress it or something. And, I also feel more certain about what is going on my mind/heart.

I believe quitting social media has its downside as well, as like I really am not having an update on the news (90% of my news source is Twitter - how sad yet could not be truer for most of us), I completely blind on our Covid update I even think that Covid is slowing down in the territory. Yeah, as expected you lose win some as well as you lose some, but for now at leas, I decided to win for myself.

Olympic 2020

I have never watched Olympic before, as far as I remember. Nor that I care about it. But this time is different. I believe the fact that we are on privilege to be in the safety of home have a huge part in me having the opportunity to watch the Olympic - thanks for that. For almost two weeks I was hooked to my TV, even one time I was on my TV from 6am to 10pm and watched all the games they aired.

To have the company to watch was a big advantage as well. As now I have my sibling in the house, I teamed up with my sister to watch the Olympic, we both did not know that we enjoyed it so much that we invested in each game we watched. We cheered for athletics, we scream for badminton, we gasped for weightlifting. It was a very fun experience. For almost two weeks I change my work station in front of the TV and so did my sister.

On top of that, what made Olympic special and very intrigued me was the diversity of the athletes. I guess I just did not exposed to such diversity as it was presented in the Olympic. I was presented with some very foreign countries whose name I hardly heard, or the people whose features were different one another.

Questions like why some sports dominated my a certain race while other sports dominated by others also popped out in my head. And not to mention my awed to each of these Olympian athletes when they perform their sports, I always wonder what it takes for them to be there right now - how many years of training, how much tears were sacrificed and relationships had to be let go. There were just so many elements of the Olympics that made me really drawn and invested in it.

Youtube

Surprise, surprise.

Well, my attraction to Youtube recently was different because of the previous para - Olympic. Because of getting really drawn into the Olympic athlete, I was searching lots of reference videos. And as we all know how we are being spied and we are mere a number for these big tech companies, they get to know me better know and present me with more content that I love (or else I had never discovered).

I am not sure what I searched previously, but Youtube chose that I now an avid cultural researcher, jk. Yeah, I watched a lot about something culture-related on Youtube because it is funny, looking back, I was once really attracted to be a global citizen and what not (what a flavor of youth!!), traveling the world, meeting people from other countries, make impact in the NGO (before long I know the NGOs are mostly funded by big corporations as well, heart breaking reality for me).

What I am saying is that the savvy man-made tech of Youtube has made me rediscover my old interest about culture! And I just actually learn that you can learn a lot from Youtube’s comment section, which debates often open up you to things which are (1) people can comment based on data and have every intention to educate other people; and (2) people more often be ignorant, and how much you are on the right stance, with the wrong people, you can still be, yeah wrong.

Somehow the lesson I gained in the Youtube’s comment section was really grounding to me to realize these polar of people, and in the end what you can do is only simply be you because after all, people really will hold on to their own opinion and belief.

Jigsaw Puzzle

RECCOMENDED 100/100. Damn, wasn’t it a good choice when one day I decided to try out jigsaw puzzle to entertained myself while waiting my partner to reply my chat message?

On the one of the breakdown moment I mentioned I believe that I had to have distraction and I thought of either a puzzle or a coloring book. I ended up buying both, but I am positive that I am more drawn to jigsaw puzzle. I first ordered a 1500 piece puzzle and when it first came, I kind of secretly afraid that I will give up. Also my mother being my mother and she was pessimist that I would finish the puzzle.

But one time I was just playing by myself, not expecting anything or even asked anyone to help me (afraid that I put too much task on other people), yet my sister helped me out, and a while after my mom helped we out as well. Resulting in the puzzle finished in 3 days. Soon after I order new puzzle, and so did my sister. Her order came first and it was a 1000 pieces puzzle, which we finished in 2 hours (boo, it turned out to be too easy), and now we are opening up our 3rd puzzle and tried to work on it.

I am just really happy that I discovered it, it is really great way to bond and filling time. And every time I successfully put the pieces together - that just very satisfying feelings! I believe I will have more and more puzzle to come in the near future.

I hope one of the thing above will work out for you and make you happier as well as it had affected me. 🤗

#mentariwrites #mentaridaily #happier #puzzle #lockdown

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #421

“hunted by hundreds and never to be caught / descent to wander, bring terror and take 'em all beyond”

Which do you prefer, donut holes, jelly filled donuts or normal donuts? Normal donuts. When you get old, are you going to make a will? I mean probably. Ever made your own definition for something on Urban Dictionary? No. What do you call your grandparents? "Grammy" and "Grampa." Do you like weddings? Not especially because I'm a bitter fuck. Do you want to live in a dorm in college? I never wanted to, so I never did. Have you ever had your tonsils taken out? No. Are you single/taken/crushing/confused? Single/confused. Is your best friend single? Yes. Is your first real best friend still there for you? I mean we have one another on Facebook, but that's the extent of it. Do you still care for your first love? Very much. I hope he's doing okay since his mother passed. What color is your blanket? Navy with black swirls. Are you listening to music right now? Yes. I am obseeeeeessed with Alissa White-Gluz's cover of Powerwolf's "Demons Are a Girl's Best Friend." Have you ever felt as if you lost your one true love? I feel like that all the time. But I should add that I don't believe there is JUST ONE person designed for you. There are way, way too many people on this earth to have just a single, perfect match. Which do you like better: Bowser, Mario, Luigi, or Princess Peach? Well I mean I always picked Luigi in Mario Kart, so I got a bias, ha ha. How many tattoos do you have? Six. Plenty, PLENTY more to come, though. Would you ever consider getting a mohawk? No. What do you like to do most in your free time? Do random shit on the computer. What’s your work title? Unemployed. Do you pay rent? I don't. What was the reason behind the last time you wore a bandage? I cut my finger opening up a cup of yogurt. Yes, I'm serious. What music artist have you listened to a lot lately? Powerwolf, lately. And Motionless In White. Who is taller, you or your best friend? Me. When was the first time you ever listened to your favorite music artist? Well, as a little kid, Mom would play some Ozzy in the car occasionally, and I actually loved "Perry Mason" so much that I would ask for her to play it. Growing up I'd obviously heard "Crazy Train" through random things, but I never truly listened to him until I got into middle school and went through my mother's CD case, discovering new music as I got into rock and metal. Do/did your siblings cause trouble? Nah, not really. If your siblings are old enough, what do they do for work? I honestly don't remember my half-siblings' positions, but my immediate younger sister is a children's social worker, and my older sis is a mammographer. Have you ever been jealous of your siblings? Jealous, no. Envious, extremely. They know what the hell they're doing with their lives and making shit happen. Do you still live with your parent/s or do you live alone/with a partner? I live with my mother. What feeling do you have the most difficulty in expressing? Jealousy. How do you think you would handle yourself in a crisis situation? Freeze up and probably die lol. Does any particular season make you happier than others? Why/why not? Yes, autumn. It's not hot as fuck, the air always feels so fresh to me, and I love the many colors of fall. It's just... chill. Can you adapt to change easily? Any examples? FUCK. NO. Do you see yourself as worthy of love? Why/why not? This answer can change from "yes, because I'm a good human" to "fuck no because I'm worthless" in 0.5 seconds. Do you think you are competitive? Do you really dislike losing? Not in general, but I can be in some areas. What would you be famous for? Fuck if I know. If you had to, would you rather dye your hair red or black? Red. I loved my hair when it actually took red dye well. What do you typically do on Easter Day? Go to my older sister's house. Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope? No. Do you normally finish one book before starting another? Always. If you were given the chance to be immortal, would you take it? Heeeeeell no. Would you pierce your nipples for $100? Almost certainly yes; I mean that's $100 for something I can just take out if I don't like it. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. Would you ever consider adoption? Even if I wanted a child, no. I know I would need either the blood connection or for the child to be my partner's that I truly love. Do you tend to go for guys/girls with certain eye/hair colors? No, I really don't care how you look on the outside. Do you know anyone who plays guitar? Yes. Do you live within an hour of the ocean? More like two hours. What are you currently sitting/laying on? My bed. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? No. Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? An imaginary wolf, yeah. Which parent do you look most like? My mom, I think. Ever failed a test? Yes. That's all I did in algebra during my last college attempt. Do you have any friends who are famous? No. Your most recent ex breaks down and tells you they love you, what do you do? Well I know she loves me as a friend, but idk if she still does romantically, but either way, I'd tell her I love her too and ask if I can do anything for her. You and your last ex: who should hate who? Neither of us. We have a perfectly fine relationship. Do you believe you pick who you fall in love with? Definitely not. Last thing you ate? I had a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast. Are you obsessed with someone? *discreetly eyes Markiplier* If you had to write a brief message on a dollar bill that many people would eventually see as the currency circulates, what message would you write? I'd have to think longer on this, but definitely something about not putting so much worth into the money and not allowing greed to rule the individual. What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? The hope for a happy, prosperous future. If you were a multimillionaire, what do you believe you would be doing at this very moment? Well, it's morning and this is my prime time to really just chill and do my first scope of the Internet, so I'd probably be in a beautiful house in the woods of the mountains by a beautiful waterfall. I'd have the windows down to listen to nature, make sure via AC if necessary that it's cool... Damn, that sounds nice. If you could have a cookie jar full of anything you wanted, except money or cookies, what would it be full of? Hm. Perhaps a very motivational quote that I'd draw each day, kind of like fortune cookies, but actually good and applicable, ha ha. If someone were looking for you in a bookstore, in what section would they be most likely to find you? YA or fiction. If your ex came up to you and asked you to take them back, what would you say? Anyone but Jason or Sara would be an automatic "no." Jason would have to really prove himself. Sara, I'd be willing, but would ask her if that's what she really wants given our positions right now. Do you think Ke$ha is annoying? I don't know anything about her personally. I actually liked her music back in the day, even when I was all about metal. Last time you were hit on? No idea. Do you ever write in pencil any more? I always do if I have that option. I don't like that you can't erase with a pen. If you HAD to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get? At this current time, my right nostril again. What do you wish you had more knowledge about? Politics. Would you ever get someone's name tattooed on you? Noooo. Do you have a lot of scars? Yes. I scar very easily. Have you ever had stitches? Twice. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting or any kind of abuse at home? Before my parents divorced, there was a lot of fighting. Do you remember the person you first kissed? Of course I do. Have you ever kissed someone you weren’t dating? No. Who was the last person you fell asleep with? Sara. Have you ever listened to music you hated just to fit in? "Hated," no. I just tried to get into bands that I just couldn't, but didn't hate. Ever been called babe? Yeah. What is your favorite Pop-Tart flavor? Chocolate sundae. Have you ever made your parents cry? Yeah, sadly. Do you wear glasses? Yeah. And yet I'm still blind with 'em. Have you ever made out with somebody on a bed? Yeah. Are you tan? Most definitely not. How did you meet the last person you texted? She kinda like, gave birth to me. Next big event? My nephew's fifth birthday. Ugh, how is he getting that old. Do you think you have to be skinny in order to be beautiful? Fuck off, no. There are some gorgeous/attractive plus-sized people. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yes. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Oh god, she witnessed me sob once. Would you ever get gauged ears? I want very small gauges in my bottom earlobe piercings. What is your favorite sushi? Ew. Have you ever been in a school talent show? What for? Noooo sir. What were you like at 17? Oh god... so sad and yet so happily, madly in love at the same time. I both love and hate that era. Tell us about your worst date. Haven't really had a bad one. I had one with Tyler that was an adventure that most would consider awful (flat tire, had to walk in the whipping wind), but I had fun, ha ha. What should be illegal that isn’t already? I dunno. What’s the song you most wish you had written? Probably John Lennon's "Imagine." What is the worst break up you have experienced? Y'ALL KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. Do your parents wish you were more successful? Oh, I am CERTAIN they do. They'd never admit it, I'm sure, but I know I'm disappointing. I had so much promise in school. Has a significant other called you unattractive before? WOW, no. Has a significant other ever called you by the wrong name? omg no Have you ever caught someone doing something bad? Cheating on their bf, yes. Has a dentist ever screwed up on anything when working on you? No, I don't think so. What is the worst birthday you have ever had? My 16th. I felt very, very unloved. I don't even like going into it. Have you ever been spit on by a llama? No. Have you ever locked yourself out of your car/house? The house, yes. With my elderly dog with arthritis, in the middle of winter after a good snow. I was freezing, sitting on the front porch and eventually crying. My phone was inside so I couldn't reach my mom, who was at work. As night came, I finally broke and went down the street knocking on my neighbors' doors, and probably the worst fucking one opened. With a gun in his hand. He was apparently an ex-sheriff, and he clearly didn't trust me. He was kind enough to let Teddy, who was incontinent and marked territory, inside (thank fuck he didn't pee in the guy's house), and he gave me a jacket, but Christ, we played 20 goddamn questions to see if I was legit, I'm assuming. I was beyond thankful when Mom finally got there when I used his phone to call her. And as it turned out? The door wasn't even fucking locked, our old dog just jammed the hell outta it by jumping. I was so, so pissed.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''beast of gévaudan'' by powerwolf

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1085

survey by -egocentricity-

On Myspace, what was in the last bulletin you posted? I haven’t been on Myspace for well over a decade; and even when I was there I didn’t have any friends added nor did I remember ever posting anything. Friendster and Multiply were a lot more popular.

When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? I took a selfie last Saturday in the dining room. It’s of me holding up the vape pen that Andi lent me for the meantime to show Angela, since she wanted to see what it looked like.

Have you ever been scolded by a mall cop? I remember being lightly chided once when I was like, 7 – I was leaning on a glass wall of a store in the mall, so the guard from that store nicely told me to get back up to be safe. Overall, I don’t think I’ve ever exhibited behavior in public that should’ve gotten me into trouble.

How often do you catch yourself daydreaming? Definitely not so much these days. I need to keep being preoccupied with work or other things to do/accomplish since my daydreaming always seems to end with thinking of scenarios that now upset me, like, idk, happier times with my ex. I’m tired of letting that happen and always being upset in the end, so I try to avoid getting lost in my thoughts anymore.

What's your favorite thing to think about as you're falling asleep? Idk about you but thinking in general keeps my mind up and racing lol, so when I’m trying to sleep I do my best to black out my mind so that I can doze off.

Is there anything that you want to do, but won't because you're too afraid? So I went to college with this girl - I believe she’s several batches older - who, as soon as she graduated, set out on a hitchhiking journey across the world. She’s been doing it for four years, and I believe she has finally made it to Europe after being stuck in Kazakhstan for a year due to Covid. She’s amazing and her spirit is so fucking beautiful. She has a Facebook page that I actively follow detailing her experiences; but as great as her journey has been, I don’t know and I highly doubt that I can set out for such a demanding, commitment-heavy challenge myself.

Who was the last person to yell at you? My mom is the only person who does that, but she hasn’t done so in a while.

Who gets up the earliest in your household? The latest? My dad, since his work starts the earliest. I will sometimes hear the car engine purring by 5:45 AM. The latest would be my sister, since she stays up the latest as well. I think she’s up by 8 AM, but she doesn’t show up outside of her bedroom until 10 or 11.

Have you ever had a pet walk across your keyboard while you were typing? No, and I am glad that’s the case because both of my dogs are too big and I fear that they could actually snap my laptop in half.

What political issues do you think deserve less attention/worry? No political issue deserves any less attention than others. Political issues always mean that someone is on the losing end and I don’t think it’s fair to compare and decide which ones can be put on the backseat.

Anyway, I do believe it’s not so much the issues that should be compared, but the people in politics who are given the spotlight. Here in the Philippines especially, a lot of celebrities want to have their own political careers (and usually win a seat) despite their zero experience and the media gobbles that shit up all the time, which is disgusting. Related to this, I hope the media makes a consicous effort to wipe Trump out of the headlines once he’s out of office.

Which political issues are you most passionate about? I dunno if I can measure that since I’m pretty vocal about a lot of things. What I can tell you is that in the political issues I have a say in, I always side with the marginalized and the oppressed. IPs, POC, LGBTQ+, immigrants, factory workers, jeepney drivers, contractualized employees, activists, student-activists...my heart has always been with them and their cause.

You're going to your favorite foreign country; what landmarks do you go see? I’m not sure if I have a favorite country, but I’m very picky about landmarks in general anyway. I’d rather experience the local life and eat at smaller local places and go to lesser-known beaches and stuff.

What is the longest amount of time that you have spent away from your home? A little longer than a week, and this was usually when I traveled abroad.

Did the last movie you watched have any emotional effect on you? Yeah, so much so that I was unable to finish it and I had to show up at dinner while still fresh from crying.

What motivates you to go to school? Not applicable to me anymore, but I suppose this can be easily rephrased to mean work. Honestly, my main motivation is the desire to have a perfect record at work lol. I’m super neurotic about this and I hate the idea of being absent or late. Money comes second; I rarely buy stuff for myself so I mostly don’t even realize the money coming in to my account every two weeks. Then third is the desire to be good at my job because I do want to get promoted and rack up more positions as I go along.

How much caffeine have you consumed in one day? The most cups of coffee I’ve had in one day is 3, and that was not an enjoyable experience ha. Right now, I’m on my first cup of coffee.

Are you more hyper and up-tight, or laid back and relaxed? I guess it depends on the situation. I can definitely exhibit either, but my behavior will vary based on the people I’m with and/or how comfortable I am in a certain situation.

When was the last time you heard someone talking about you? Around a week ago. My parents were having dinner separately and I heard my name being mentioned in a few sentences.

How did you pick out your last outfit? I wanted an outfit that was chill and easy to carry around, but would still make me look like I put some effort into picking it out.

When buying shoes, what do you look for in the product? I admittedly like brand names, so that’s the first thing I look at. I also like to keep up with what’s trending, so I look at items in a brand’s catalog that I see more and more people wearing. If it matches with my own personal style, then I keep an eye on it/purchase it altogether.

What happened to cause the last mess you made? The last and current mess I have on me is my work desk, which I’ve since abandoned in favor of my bed + portable desk as my new workspace. Idk, over the Christmas break I just ended up stacking up so much shit on the desk until it became a little too cluttered. I’ve cleaned it up here and there to make the space look neater, but there’s still a lot of stuff.

Are you embarrassed to bring people into your bedroom? Not embarrassed; I just find it unnecessary. My bedroom is too small to host guests and the only times I’ve let someone in there is when I had a significant other. I prefer people to stay in the living room.

When was the last children's birthday party you attended? It was my third cousin Isabella’s 7th birthday party at a Jollibee. Her family has been living in Australia for a while, but I guess they wanted to host a party with their Filipino family so they flew back here to stay for a few days. Because she is my third cousin and because she’s been living in Australia all her life, I don’t actually have any sort of relationship with her lmao but I still made an effort to greet her and stuff.

Are you good at reading other people's body language? Yes, to the point that it contributes to my overall anxiety.

If you're sick, do you go to school or do you stay home [usually]? I rarely get a fever so when I do it feels like actual death. For that reason, I usually have to skip the day and focus on feeling better.

Does chicken noodle soup really make you feel any better? I never had it whenever I’ve felt like crap in the past. I don’t really like soup though, so on a personal level I doubt it would have any effect on me.

What is one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? I don’t have a go-to meal because again, I rarely get sick.

Think of the last survey you filled out; did you enjoy it? Sure, it was easy to digest and it’s the kind that you can take over and over again.

Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? I’ve fed bread, but to fish in the sea; not ducks or geese since idk if we have either here other than in zoos. In our trip to Mactan in 2010, I remember how we were allowed to pay a certain small amount to get bread from the resort and proceed to feed the fish swimming around in the beach.

Is it hard to imagine you were ever as small as a 1-2 year old? Yeah, I definitely feel that way sometimes.

What set the tone for your mood today? Eh, I wouldn’t say I had an overall mood today, honestly. It was a normal day at work, maybe a little more uneventful than other days; and I was on top of my tasks so there wasn’t anything to dread or worry about. I was just concentrated on getting the day over with and wasn’t strongly attached to any emotion.

Have you ever set out to ruin someone else's day? I don’t think so.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? It happens sometimes.

The name of the last video game you played? Mario Kart 8 probably? It’s been a while but it’s all I play if I do play a video game, so it’s a safe guess.

The name of the last board game that you played? We whipped out my old box of Trivial Pursuit last November when we didn’t have electricity and internet because of the typhoon.

What was the last thing that you told yourself? I don’t remember the last time I talked to myself, but like two minutes ago I was starting to feel sad so I silently reminded myself to think of positive things.

How many times a day do you wash your face? At least once, in the morning before I start work. I’ve learned that cleaning myself up, even if it’s just splashing water on my face, super helps if I want to start working in a good mood.

Do you remember your D.A.R.E. officer's name? I didn’t have one of those, anddd I’m sure we didn’t have that program here.

Someone throws hot coffee on you; how do you react? It’s taken me a whole goddamn week to finish this survey, lels. Anywho... I think out of instinct I would scream out in extreme agony first? And I’d probably spend the first immediate seconds to try and process what just happened. I don’t know if I would fight back because I’m pretty sure the burns would be hurting too badly for me to focus on revenge.

Is there a high school or college that you would rather be attending? I attended one school from kindergarten to college, and I can’t imagine having attended anywhere else. I had one dream university and I ended up attending it.

Have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? Yes, both. My parents lived in an apartment for a few months when I was a newborn. From ages 2-10 I lived in my childhood home, which is actually a duplex. The other house belongs to my grandpa’s late sister and her family.

Has anyone ever commented on your weight? Sure, but I care so little about my weight that they don’t really have an effect on me. The most common one I get is to “eat more.”

Where do you stand when it comes to sexual intercourse? Erm not really lmao. Just do it?? Idk. And just make sure consent is mutual and that you aren’t doing it out of pressure.

Name a show from the 90's that you miss? I guess ‘miss’ is the wrong word since I never watched it while it was ongoing, but I do love Friends. I’m excited to see what they have planned for the reunion episode.

Who provokes your sarcastic side the most? Bad co-workers, but luckily I haven’t had to pull that side of me in a while.

Have you ever thought about joining the military? Never.

When you were little, did you ever stare at disabled or "different" people? Being a kid, I probably did but never thought anything of it during those times. My mom certainly would’ve whooped my ass if I tried to comment anything mean or be a smartass.

Could the contents of your bedroom get you in any trouble? The one thing that would piss my mom off are my vape pens. I still have Gab-related stuff in my room that I’m too lazy to throw out, but I doubt I will get into trouble from those anymore because there has been no relationship to speak of in the last four months.

Do weather patterns sometimes have an effect on your health? Not on my health, but on my mood.

If it snows a lot where you live, do you experience cabin fever? It doesn’t, so idk what this would feel like.

When was the last time someone disapproved of something you were doing? Not entirely sure; this hasn’t happened in a while. Admittedly, as a people pleaser, I thrive on doing what people would want me to do lol.

How good are you at getting along with other people? On a scale of 1 to 10, probably a 9? I’m super nice to everyone and in the end it only really boils down to whether I have chemistry with them or not. If I fail to feel comfortable around someone I’m more likely to stay formal, but I do try to be lively and crack jokes with everyone as much as I can.

Do you consider yourself to be approachable? I want to be and I always try to come off as such, but my resting bitchface hurts that chance sometimes haha.

Do you know anyone that's a little emotionally unstable? Uhm, no one comes to mind.

Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind? Yes.

Has anyone ever suggested that you might need "help"? I don’t recall being told this by anyone before. But with the way I broadcast my anxiety and sadness from time to time, I’m sure people have thought of it.

Do you take offense to things easily? Yeah you can say that. I’ve always been more sensitive than most.

How do you respond to cheesy pick-up lines? As with any pick-up line, I inwardly roll my eyes and move on.

Do you like to give people a taste of their own medicine? It’s such a waste of time and energy for the most part, so no. But if I feel petty, I have no problem doing it.

How was the service at the last restaurant you visited? It was...fine. Nothing to write home about. It was unlimited Korean barbecue and they actually had a system in place where they gave us a link to some internal website they kept, and we could simply order from there to minimize contact with the servers. I will say that I never got the kimchi jjigae I had ordered, but it was fine because I was full by then lmao.

Are you ever jealous of happy couples? No. I mean, I guess I’m reminded of my loneliness when I see couples in public, but I don’t get jealous or angry. I just shake it off and try to focus on myself.

Describe a thought that is sticking with you today? That I can’t wait for Friday.

Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? I’ve been thinking more of my anxieties than certain people, tbh.

In a car: air conditioning, or roll the windows down? Air conditioning. Though sometimes it’s nice to have the windows down, especially when I’m driving within my village or up a mountain.

When was the last time you did anything to your playlist? I made an angst-themed playlist over the weekend.

Is there a new song or band you've discovered? Massive Attack. Hayley Williams did a super great cover of their song Teardrop, so I checked out the original version which I also ended up enjoying. Olivia Rodrigo too, who I found out is part Filipino yay!

Which teacher gives you the most homework? My Journalism Ethics professor will probably rank the highest on this list.

What type of personality do you find most annoying? Idk, condescending ones maybe? There are a million kinds of personalities lol, but yeah I hate those who make you feel dumb, and feel good about doing so.

How did you hear about Bzoink? If my memory serves me correctly, my 10 year old self just wanted empty about me surveys to answer. Bzoink was always one of the first websites to come out if I searched for surveys on Google.

How long did it take you to sign up for an account - if you have one? I don’t think I ever made an account on there since I was too shy to share my answers.

Are you punctual? Yes, very.

Have you ever howled at the full moon? No.

Have you ever seen yourself on camera? Like if I’ve seen photos of myself??? I would be very surprised if anyone can say they haven’t.

Do you give any consideration to what's said in your horoscope? No.

When was the last time you felt like you were being followed? This has never happened before, thankfully.

#survey #surveys

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hueningkoi · 4 years

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Hey I know you did this for being nonbinary but I'm not sure if you've done anything for being aromantic.... I was wondering if you could explain kinda how you found out you were aro? If you don't want to that's totally fine! I've just been questioning myself for a long time now & it's still so confusing

Okay so my aromantic identity is the identity I am the most 100% about. I am full aro. There's no ifs ands or buts about romance for me lol like it's a NO. And I actually have gone into detail about how I know I'm aro before but finding that post would be a nightmare thanks to tumblr lmao so I'll go through it again in a heartbeat if it helps a fellow aro!!!

1. I have never had a crush before. I have had ppl I thought were crushes but it turns out I just really wanted to be their friend!!

2. I used to make up crushes to fit in. All throughout school ppl would talk about crushes and ask me about my crushes and when I'd say I had none ppl took it way worse than if I pretended so I remember going through year books by myself and finding a cute person and telling everyone that was my crush even though I honestly could not give a fuck about them that way 😂

3. I have always hated romance movies and books. Like romance as a genre has always been my least favorite ever

4. The biggest clue for me..... So. I've dated a lot. Like... a lot. And I realize now that it was me overcompensating. Because I didn't know what aromantic was so for years i thought I was... broken. And I forced myself into relationships to fix me. But they never lasted longer than 3 months and every single relationship was ended by me because they made me hate my life. No joke. Being aromantic and forcing yourself to date is a hell I would never wish upon anyone. When I learned what aromantic was I cried because I finally knew I wasn't alone!!! I haven't dated ever since learning about the identity and I am happier than I have ever been 💖

I feel like I have more about this but rn my brain is working at half the capacity it normally does. So pls send asks about this so I can answer more about aromanitism!!!!

#aromanitic #aro #inbox

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bnhablessings · 5 years

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Love

KiriBaku is the 2nd ship that had won and is meant to be my 200 follower special! This one-shot is supposed to be comedy-fluff (there’s like barely any comedy lol) but I ended up putting a smidge of angst oops Anyway, I want to say thank you to everyone who has followed me! I had said before that I tend to be inactive during the holidays because of sad personal reasons so I am surprised that I managed to even hit the 200 mark in such a short time so thank you. You all mean the world to me. <3 I am a total sap

Kirishima Eijirou x Bakugou Katsuki

Warnings: None (Fluff and a smidge of angst for days), Bakugou gets really soft for a hot sec and I don’t regret it

Words: 1,692

“Sorry.”

The word was grunted out and took Kirishima, who is sat on the floor, by surprise. His head snaps up to the bed to see a sleepy Bakugou already staring down at him. The red-head glances towards the clock to see it’s almost midnight, on a school night, so he’s even more taken back. Bakugou never apologizes, so Bakugou doing so, late at night worries the red-head to no ends.

Kirishima pauses the muted game and places the controller on the floor beside him. He is quick to take a spot on the bed beside Bakugou.

“Why are you apologizing?” Kirishima questions, tilting his head like a confused puppy.

The permanent glare that would usually be on Bakugou’s face is non-existent. Instead, an almost sorrowful look is on his face. His eyes waver as he stares at Kirishima. Silence fills the air as Kirishima waits patiently taking the other’s hand gently.

It takes a while before Bakugou speaks. “Well, you wanted to go to that movie this weekend, didn’t you?” Bakugou questions his gaze suddenly narrowing down at the red-head.

The rest of the question is heard through the silence. Bakugou wanted to add ‘With me?’

It hit Kirishima and he forces a smile on his face as his heart begins to ache. He squeezes Bakugou’s hand and answers, “Well yeah but I told you before it is fine since the others are tagging along. You can take however long you need before we come out to the class.”

Silence once again befalls between the two males. It’s been a full month since they’ve been officially dating in secret. A full month of Kirishima pretending that they are just best bros for Bakugou’s sake. Bakugou doesn’t really care who knows now but he wished it to be a secret because he is one for privacy. That and he really wanted to be sure of his feelings for Kirishima. It is his first relationship and one he never dreamed of having.

Now that he is sure of his feelings, he has surprisingly become gentle around Kirishima. Of course, that hasn’t gone unnoticed by the Bakusquad. They already figured out the two were dating but have said nothing out of respect (besides the slight teasing because it’s the Bakusquad).

“Babe, go back to sleep,” Kirishima murmurs as the forced smile turns into a gentle one upon seeing Bakugou’s tiredness.

Bakugou says in a mumble, “Get the fuck over here.”

Kirishima’s smile lights up the room at that demand. The video game is long forgotten as he cuddles into Bakugou and the two sleep rather soundly.

~*~

The school day went by as normal. Bakugou is already headed for the dorms with the squad in tow. They make it halfway when the squad is stopped by the Dekusquad. All of them ignore the agitated Pomeranian as Uraraka starts the conversation between all of them.

“Sorry to bother you but we were wondering if you would like to accompany us to the arcade? Todoroki has never gone and Iida doesn’t quite understand the gist of it so I figured if we invited you all along you can show them how it’s done!” Uraraka says explaining their situation.

Kirishima immediately lights up at this and answers for himself, “I’ll tag along! That sounds fun!”

A lightbulb seems to turn on in Ashido’s, Sero’s, Kaminari’s, and Jirou’s head. Ashido acts fast as she links arms with Kirishima.

“Yes! We’ll join! I know Kirishima is the manliest here to show you how to be a true gamer!” Ashido says too happily.

Kaminari laughs as he asks Bakugou, “Are you coming with us? You should follow Kirishima’s example-“

“Shut the fuck up. Are we going or not?” Bakugou says with a growl.

~*~

“Whoa, what are you guys doing here?” Kaminari asks.

Hagakure, Shoji, and Mineta are at the arcade as well. Hagakure is the one to answer as she says loudly and cheerfully, “I begged Shoji to come since Tsuyu said you all were coming!”

“I overheard that a few of our lady-friends would be here,” Mineta answers.

Ashido is the one that hits him before proceeding with a plan to ensure that everyone has the most fun. It works for everyone there but Bakugou. He remains a bit away from Kirishima at all times. He’s heavily annoyed that the others are getting close to him but for some reason, it feels like he’s watching Kirishima at one of his brightest moments.

The way his lips move to form a smile or how he encourages others to try the best. It warms his heart. Though he is even more annoyed that his attention is on others than him but it’s understandable considering the situation.

“Kaachan-“

Midoriya stops upon receiving the harshest glare from Bakugou. However, Midoriya’s voice was loud enough to gather the attention of Todoroki, Asui, and Ashido.

Todoroki glares at Bakugou as he asks, “What is it Midoriya?”

“Ah- I didn’t want to make Kaachan mad but I was wondering… Do you like Kirishima?”

The question made him freeze. He didn’t know how to respond and it didn’t help that to him, fucking Deku, was the one asking. With a loud ‘tch’ he leaves the arcade without a word. A few minutes pass as Midoriya wonders if he should go after him.

“What made you ask that?” Todoroki questions with curiosity now that the aggressive male is gone.

Midoriya frowns a bit before he responds, “I was just observing everyone and when I saw Bakugou I noticed the way he was looking at Kiri.”

“What about me? Oh, where did Bakubro go?” Kirishima asks as the others show up in tow.

“He um left.” Deku is awkward about not wanting to bring up what drove him away.

Todoroki is ruthless as he doesn’t hold back the information and says, “Midoriya asked him if he likes you.”

“I don’t think Bakugou is capable of feelings of love. Besides, he’s too focused on becoming the Number 1 Pro Hero,” Tsuyu says full of thought.

The painful ache in Kiri grows. It’s almost unbearable as he tries to laugh it off. The poor boy desperately wants to defend his boyfriend but is unable to. If Bakugou really left at that, then there is no way he is near ready to come out to the class.

“Well, this would be a wonderful time to head back to the dorms in order to make it in a timely manner for dinner!” Iida states.

Ashido is the first to speak from the Bakusquad and says, “You guys go ahead. I actually wanted to get a game in with Kiri.”

Midoriya is the only one who gives Kirishima a concerned look from sensing something else. The others bid the Bakusquad goodbye and Midoriya follows behind a bit reluctant.

“Dude, you okay?” Kaminari questions.

He and Sero put a hand on each of Kirishima’s shoulders. Ashido is peering up at the confused boy who is trying desperately to act like everything is fine. Upon seeing his face, she wants to let out a small inhuman cry because there are tears threatening to pour from his eyes.

“I’m about to go kill hi-“

The arcade door slams open and Bakugou walks. His cheeks are a slight red hue and he is blowing into his hands. His eyes scan the arcade only to stop on the group. He takes large strides to them before boldly reaching for Kirishima’s hand.

“Fuck it’s so damn cold outside.”

Indeed, his words ring true as Bakugou’s cold hand makes Kirishima flinch. His mind turns blank as he realizes that Bakugou is actually holding is hand, in front of their friends, and in public.

“Let’s get out of here before it gets more fucking cold and dark. You- damn extras, find a different route,” Bakugou says as a demand.

He pulls a confused but now happy Kirishima out of the arcade and the two start their slow walk back to campus. Their hands don’t part for a single second. However, their walking speed comes to a halt when Kirishima admits something.

“I’m surprised you came back for me,” He says.

His voice is slightly shaky, forcing Bakugou to tense. Bakugou lets out a heavy sigh as he squeezes Kirishima’s hand.

“I never left. I waited outside until fucking Deku and those extras left.”

It’s silent between the two for a moment until Kirishima says, “I know it’s unmanly of me but you had me worried there for a second. When I heard you left I thought you were, I don’t know, ashamed of others even thinking we’re together.”

When more silence follows, Kirishima gets a bit nervous. He lets out a forced chuckle but before he can even utter a word out or make a joke of it, Bakugou wraps his arms around him. The sudden embrace makes all train of thought leave and Kirishima slowly but snugly returns the hug.

“Never, Dumbass. I love you.”

The way Bakugou says this is sort of choked. It shows how emotionally stumped he is from how much energy it took to say it but also proves that he meant it in full. That is all Kirishima needs to know that the love they have is real. That Bakugou is ready to come out to the class and Kirishima couldn’t be happier.

Bonus scene:

“PFFT What do your shirts say?!” Sero asks with a big smile on his face.

Ashido and Kaminari are already howling with laughter. Most of the class that had decided to go to the movies with the Bakusquad watch with amusement and awe. Bakugou growls like a vicious animal as his hold on Kirishima tightens.

“You can fucking read, can’t you?”

Indeed, everyone there reads the shirts in their head once more. Bakugou’s shirt says “I’m With Stupid” while Kirishima’s shirt says “Guess I’m Stupid”. Somehow, Kirishima had managed to get Bakugou to wear this since he agreed to go to the movies last minute.

The condition?

Kirishima wears the “Guess I’m Stupid” shirt and then they will burn the shirts after the movie is over. Love at its finest.

#boko no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha fanfiction #fanfiction #oneshot #kiribaku #kirishima eijirou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x kirishima #fluff #angst #eijirou x katsuki #anime #manga #cute #bakugou katsuki x kirishima eijirou

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lazyfox411 · 4 years

Text

Zombie on the Doorstep

Requested by anon, from an ask meme! Fandom is rvb and it’s tuckington, since you let me choose and i am trash lol. Sort of a modern au, Wash showing up on Tucker’s doorstep with a broken leg and covered in little cuts. Thanks so much for sending in a prompt, I really appreciate it! So sorry it’s taken so long to get out, I’ve had a very busy time having to move out of my dorm because of these coronavirus precautions. If anyone else would like to send in a prompt, feel free!

Length: 1623 words

There’s absolutely nothing on TV.

Tucker sighs, face half smushed into a couch cushion, arm extended to point the remote, and flicks through the channels one last time. Infomercials, the news, a documentary about gazelles or something, and a dumb zombie movie he’s seen about a thousand times. He settles on the zombies and ambles to the fridge for another beer.

Spending Friday night by yourself, he decides, is the fucking worst. Ever since moving to this godawful town, leaving his friends behind and working a dumb nine to five office job, he’s felt like all the life is sucked out of the world. But he didn’t do this for him. This neighborhood is safer, schools here are way better, more expensive, but better, and Junior has made new friends and is happier than he’s ever been.

Okay, so maybe not all the life has been sucked out, Tucker thinks, smiling at the family photos hung on the wall. Junior isn’t here tonight, though, he’s having a sleepover at his new friend’s house, and so Tucker is all alone, with nothing but a shitty beer and a shitty zombie movie to keep him company. He sighs again and turns the volume up, bright screen flashing around the dark living room.

About halfway through the movie, Tucker is bored out of his mind and also debating whether or not to leave the comfort of the couch for a snack. Before he can choose, there’s a knock at the door, or at least something that sounds like a knock. It’s faint and uneven and makes Tucker wonder if it was just the wind, but no, there’s definitely a shadow swaying in the window.

He slowly makes his way to door, a little voice in the back of his skull telling him to grab something to use as a weapon in case it’s a zombie.

What the hell? he asks himself. Get ahold of yourself, man, it’s a movie.

Still. He picks up his empty beer bottle. Grips the neck firmly. Just in case. He is a grown ass man and he is not afraid of zombies, he’s just. Being prepared, is all. He can’t believe he’s letting the dumb zombie movie get into his head.

The man behind the door, though he could be mistaken for someone doing his best impression of one, is not a zombie. Tucker blinks in surprise. “Wash?”

Wash is the only person in this town who hasn’t treated Tucker like a shitty outsider since moving here. It may have something to do with people treating Wash like he is also a shitty outsider. Either way, Wash is about the only person even coming close to the friend territory for Tucker. He is also the last person Tucker expected to find on his doorstep.

Wash staggers forward and makes a strained sort of moaning sound, and Tucker momentarily reconsiders the zombie theory until he gets a good look at Wash, leaning heavily against the doorframe, breathing hard, and bleeding from a gash on his forehead. He’s not the risen undead, he’s just hurt. Pretty badly.

“Jesus, Wash,” Tucker moves to support him and gently lead him inside, out of the cold. “What the hell happened, man? Are you okay?”

He’s obviously very much not okay, but after Tucker gets him seated on the couch and he takes a few deep breaths, some of the colour returns to his face.

“I kind of, um…crashed my car.” Wash rubs a hand sheepishly along the back of his neck, a nervous habit Tucker’s noticed in just the short time they’ve known each other. With the other hand, he gestures outside, though the still-open door.

Tucker looks, and, sure enough, sees Wash’s little grey sedan a little farther down the road, rendered useless with its hood bent around a tree. There is a nasty curve in the road right there, and with the strong wind that makes it hard to even pull the door closed, it isn’t difficult to imagine what happened.

Wash is apologizing, talking too fast and moving his hands, embarrassed, saying, “I just knew that you lived here from that one time I dropped you off and I’m really sorry to bother you but I was just hoping that maybe I could borrow your phone because mine sort of got broken and I just need to call a tow truck and then I’ll be out of your hair—”

“Tow truck?” Tucker stares at Wash incredulously, who is still bleeding from a thousand tiny cuts on his face and is avoiding putting any weight on his visibly swollen left leg. “Tow truck?” he repeats, “are you out of your mind? Wash, you need an ambulance.”

“No!” Wash jumps up to put himself between Tucker and his cell phone sitting on the coffee table. He lands on his bad leg and nearly crumples to the floor.

Even as Tucker helps him back onto the couch, Wash is adamant. “No ambulances. I’m not going to the hospital.”

“Well you’re sure as hell not leaving this house, then, because I know for a fact you aren’t going to look after yourself.”

Wash sighs and crosses his arms. Then he winces and uncrosses them

“You can stay here tonight,” Tucker offers, because he is just a nice person like that and definitely not because of the strange feeling in his gut that says he doesn’t want Wash to leave. For sure, it’s because he’s nice, and not that feeling, at all whatsoever. “Don’t worry about the car, we can deal with that tomorrow.”

Wash looks up at him, dumbfounded. “A-Are you sure? You don’t have to do that, Tucker, really, I’m okay. I don’t want to impose.”

I’m okay is possibly the most blatant lie Tucker’s ever heard in his entire life, but he doesn’t call Wash out on it. Instead, he says, “Dude, don’t use big words, I don’t know what they mean.”

Wash opens his mouth, probably to argue that impose is actually a relatively small word, but Tucker is leaving the room. He returns moments later with a first aid kit and a couple ice packs.

Wash tries to protest at that, too, insisting he’s fine.

“Shut up,” Tucker tells him, “I’m a doctor.”

Tucker is most definitely not a doctor, and Wash knows this, but it amuses him enough to listen and shut his mouth. He audibly holds back a groan as Tucker lifts his leg to prop it up on a throw pillow.

“I know, I know,” Tucker says, surprising even himself with how gentle that sounded. He quickly changes tone to, “But you’re supposed to elevate it so it doesn’t get all, like, swollen and shit.”

“You don’t sound like a doctor,” Wash informs him.

“Well, I don’t normally do broken bones. I specialize in love,” Tucker says, waggling his eyebrows exaggeratedly. That earns an eyeroll and a soft smile from Wash, so he counts it as a win.

He pulls out some band-aids and little antiseptic wipe thingies (okay, yeah, he’s really not a doctor), and gets to work tending the cuts on Wash’s face. The car window must have been smashed. He tries his damnedest not to make awkward eye contact with Wash while staring at his face. Wash does his part by focusing on a very interesting thread coming loose from the couch.

“There.” Tucker leans back and admires his handiwork, and gives Wash the ice packs to distribute them as he pleases. One goes to his leg, and the other, his ribs. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better,” Wash says sincerely. “Thank you Tucker.”

Tucker feels a lot more flustered than he thinks he should feel, and nods, speechless, before retreating to the kitchen.

He roots around the refrigerator for some leftover pizza. He doesn’t have a whole lot of food in the house right now, but it’s better than nothing. He can guess with a fair amount of certainty that Wash hasn’t eaten yet today. Plus, it will be a lot harder for Wash to say things to fluster him when his mouth his pull of pizza.

He snags some pain killers, too. Wash will be too proud to ask for them, but he’ll appreciate them, Tucker is sure.

It occurs to Tucker that maybe Wash is a little farther into friend territory than he thought, since Tucker knows all these things about him. He decides not to dwell on that idea right this second. Or any future seconds.

He returns, hands out the snacks and medicine, and makes himself comfortable next to Wash on the couch. Wash is lying down, tips of his hair brushing against Tucker’s thigh. It tickles, but he doesn’t mind. He reaches over the back of the couch and snags a blanket, pulling it over Wash. Wash freezes, mid-bite of pizza, but doesn’t say anything. Tucker grabs his own slice and turns his attention back to the TV, to the stupid movie.

Wash nitpicks, highlighting details that are left out, and unrealistic stunts the characters are pulling off, tentatively at first, and more enthusiastically when Tucker doesn’t discourage it. Tucker jumps at the jump scare, it is indeed called that for a reason, and he feels Wash chuckle. It’s a nice feeling, even though it’s at his expense, and he thinks maybe the movie isn’t so dumb after all.

By the time it’s over, Tucker doesn’t feel so lonely anymore. He looks down at Wash.

“That,” Wash blinks at the TV as the credits roll past, “that was the worst ending, ever. Of all time.”

Tucker smiles. Wash smiles back. Tucker has seen the movie a thousand times before and hated it, but this time, he thinks the ending seemed pretty good.

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madzilla84 · 4 years

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hi i went through your ace tag and it was rlly comforting in a way. can i ask when u knew or how to deal (if its not to invasive!) thx

Hi anon! I’m glad you liked the posts - I know I can be pretty iffy at tagging so I’ll make sure to keep everything there if I can :)

It’s not invasive at all! The answer’s very long though, lol, because it’s me, so I put it under the read more.

I talked a bit about this in my post last year with the clumsy metaphor for my II denim jacket as sexuality, so if you read that then I might be repeating myself a bit, apologies.

The very short answer is that on some level I’ve always known, and I handled it Extremely Badly lmao. Don’t do what I did. Which was mostly nothing. XD

The longer, proper answer - I knew I was in some way Different when I found myself completely bewildered by the crushes my friends developed when we became tweens/teenagers. Like a lot of queer people, I selected my Pretend Crush and dutifully put up his poster in my locker (Noah Wyle from ER; I thought he had pretty eyes). I thought everyone else was just doing it to be cool, as well, in the same sort of way everyone pretended to love [insert name of popular band here] to save face at school.

But like, we got older, and people started making out and hooking up with Real Boys at parties, and still - I felt nothing. You’re a late bloomer, many people told me. I thought maybe I could be gay, if I had no attraction to men - but then I wasn’t attracted to women, either, so couldn’t be that. So what, then, I wondered? You can’t be nothing.

OR CAN YOU??? XD

I got to university-ish age, and around that time I went online and heard the term ‘asexual’ for the first time, and stumbled across AVEN; read the definition and thought, yep, that sounds very familiar. But the problem is, finding something out about yourself doesn’t mean you accept it, or like it, or even really believe it. I wondered then if it was actually a real thing, and not something someone on the internet had made up to make themselves feel better, because there was actually something wrong with them, and thus, with me?

I came home for Christmas during my first (only. lol whoops) year of college and brought up the subject with a small group of acquaintances at a New Years party (I’d had quite a bit to drink), and the reaction was - depressingly predictable.

That’s not a thing.

I can’t imagine that.

That sounds awful.

God, no sex? I’d rather be dead.

Have you even tried it? You need to try it.

That can’t be natural.

Okay, I get it, I thought, not bringing that up again.

And, the thing was, because I wasn’t in a relationship, or dating, or looking to, it was sort of - a non-subject. I had no prying family members asking about my love life. My true friends were unfazed by whatever I did or didn’t do (and still are, they’re good eggs), so it was just - something I never had to think about. In my mind, it was just another thing about me that made me weird and an outsider and that I didn’t belong anywhere or with anyone. (All not true! But that was then.)

And unfortunately it took me about 15 years to start to properly deal with it. Yikes. Such a long time - it’s not even about missed opportunities for dating because I’m still not looking to do that, but more about - accepting that it’s a real part of me and is okay and *good* actually and not just a peculiarity to avoid thinking about at all costs. Acceptance seemed unattainable, let alone the idea of being *proud* of it? Ha! Unthinkable. The best thing to do was just to - pretend it didn’t exist. Why poke that bruise, I thought?

I was always in this weird kind of limbo with the LGBT community - like, I felt on some level like I should be there? But at the same time, I felt like an outsider. (For many of the same reasons people to this day will tell you aces/aros don’t belong. All wrong.) I got really into queer films etc as a teen, I went to gay bars with friends and joined the uni LGBT society … and felt uncomfortable almost all the time. (I know *now* that’s because I was *still* trying to be something I wasn’t and wasn’t being honest with myself or anyone else, on any level. And a lot of the club nights we went to were basically about hooking up, which is fine and all but absolutely Not what I was looking for, and made me feel even more out of place. Why don’t I want to do that? What’s wrong with me?)

But fortunately, the world is quite a different place now, and I don’t think it’s quite so bad now for younger folks because people are talking about it *so* much more; there’s so much more help and support. And I know everyone bitches about social media but it didn’t exist when I was a teenager and there are so many ace/aro people and resources to connect with now!! We’re still made fun of almost constantly *at best* and excluded a ton and erased etc etc, but it *is* getting better. Even for us older folks still figuring it out. :)

I don’t mind admitting that Dan’s video was a huge help. (Albeit a very painful one. Part of why that video was so tough for me to watch, and still is, is that some of it hit a bit too close to home, you know? I didn’t experience the bullying he did, nor the fame, but many things were deeply recognisable.) That sort of tore the scab off (bit gross, sorry), whether I liked it or not, and made me look at it properly for the first time … well, ever, really. The period of time directly after that was - very raw, for me.

The phandom really helped, too; it’s a very accepting and welcoming community and there are actually lots of ace people! Which is awesome! Maybe I *am* a real person! ;)

So many little things helped too. I met a friend for lunch in January and she got me a glass ace flag pendant as a gift; I couldn’t believe it. I’ve felt able to bring it up with a few people outside my closest friends - eg. a couple of colleagues - and was heartened by their responses. I know they didn’t 100% get it, and that’s okay, but they were interested and open to listening and that meant a lot. I went to Pride last year and had a great time, and the first person who spoke to me there asked me where I got my ace pin. :_) (I’d been once before, in 2015, and I hated it; I felt uncomfortable and disingenuous and like I didn’t belong there, and yet I knew deep down I wasn’t technically just there as an ‘ally’.) Even Dan’s little tiny offhand mention in his mermaids stream! I was like, yeah, we do exist!

It’s all sort of had the fringe benefit of feeling happier and better about being open about it, like joining the LGBT network at work and - you know, just taking little steps. (anyone wanting to start with me that aces/aros don’t belong in LGBT spaces can catch my tiny hands) I saw an ace lanyard at Vidcon and thought ‘yay!’ rather than being uncomfortable to wear it, partly because I thought about how happy I would be to see someone else wearing one.

I don’t know what the rest of this ‘journey’s going to look like, I just know that over the last year I’ve gotten mostly to a place where I can say I *like* being ace, because it’s actually just what I am in the same way I have brown hair or am short, and not some weird deviance from Being Normal that I Must! Hide! At All Costs! That might sound simple but it was a hard place to get to. (thanks Mr Fire, I guess)

I hope this ramble made *some* sense and answered your question in some way! Feel free to send any more questions :)

#anon asks #ace tag #mad.txt #long post #this looks really whack on mobile but should still be readable :/#we love a functional website

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