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xardoth · 2 years

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Battery Zine (1990) | Pelle Ohlin

Hello!! Here's another decently long interview with Pelle (5 pages in the zine) for ya'll. Also: I'm trying to post everyday, whether it's a photo or an interview, however I don't always have time. :-] Again, Pelle's answers are in italics and the questions are in bold.

"Hello Deathmetallunatics! Here's Werner again, presenting you an interview with one of the best Deathmetalbands that exist on earth, the true MAYHEM from Norway! (Huh, that sounds like a big hyper but what I wanted to tell you is that they fucking rule, ok?). Really, the stuff they create is so godly, I have to listen to it again and again and again... every day! Everybody into serious Deathmetal should this + of course the review somewhere else in this zine and of course write to these guys. Let us waste no more space with this stupid intro, just read what dead (voc) answered to my questions...

Has anything been released after "Deathcush"? If not, when can we expect some more stuff from MAYHEM, and what (LP/EP)??

- Not really.. well we've recorded a few rehearsings (which we never released). What we've done is doing new material all the time and dropping them for better songs. We have very different ideas of how we shall sound like and it's hard for us to make songs that we are satisfied with. These shall not sound like anything else and not be bounded to the moment of now. What I mean with that is that we first have to forget of how all the other bands sound like and not to be bounded to any time to avoid trends and to find originality. Yeah, it's now been a time since "Deathcrush" was released and we've got many requests of a new vinyl but it's hard to make new material that doesn't become ordinary or usual after a year. However, in the latest time we have released two songs for a compilation LP that will be released by Chicken Brain Records in this summer. The songs are "The freezing moon" and "Carnage". "The freezing moon" is a new one while "Carnage" is from the first demo. "Pure fucking armageddon" that we did the mistake to limit only to 100 copies and it's not available now. But we thought the song "Carnage" was worth to be picked up again (you're completely right, Dead -W.). We haven't signed anything (of course) for CBR and we'll not get anything of the profits for the selling records later. I don't think we'll let any other label give out something with us in the future cause there's no reason to do that and we'll never sign any contract neither sell our band to fat multi-labels who don't give a fuck about the music. Fat deals ain't no investment as some believe, only a bad try to get rid of the job behind everything that's necessary to do but not impossible to do by one self. We got the idea of that we have to use the so Darkened Black name DE MYSTERIIS DOM. SATHANAS for something a long time ago. That title comes from a story of a book with that name, which is Latin for "Lord Satan's secret rites" and it's thought to exist in only one copy and I won't give up searching for it... we had a finished lyric for that song and the music to it was almost complete also. By then we had to drop all the new songs we were onto making cause of a festival in Poland that was supposed to be then.,, it fucked and we later should pick up those songs, more or less finished, we'd forgot about them but we have to use that song DMDS by all means.,, it'll be the most complicated thing we ever have been involved in. That is also what the LP, that we hope will come out soon, will be entitles.

And then you'll play in Russia. When will this take place and in which part of the country will you play? Only in the European part or also more in the eastern part?

- Yes, but I wonder of when this will be.... their tour agency, that is government owned, want us to wait and that's all we have heard about them. It all begun with that Euronymous asked a pal there of the possibilities to set up about 3-4 gigs there and then answered that thought of put us together with two other band there, ACCENT and SYZORYE, and make a tour containing 20-30 gigs sometimes in the future that for us seems to be far. Later one guy of SUZORYE kind of took over that and now we just don't have any idea of how and when it'll be.

Do you really think you're ready for a Russian tour? I mean, does anyone know you over there?

- Of what we've heard of the people we know there, we are well-known by radiostations and music mags (I don't think there are any zines there) and those guys have arranged for tours before, but only with their own local bands.

I know of Euronymous that he is a communist, so is that one reason why you wanted to tour over Russia?

- He's mentally addicted to countries he finds sicks or as communistic as possible, preferably totally enclosed with iron borders and everything and with a language none else can understand. He wants Norway to be in conspiracy with Albania or Cuba and also that a "Commogrey" wall shall be risen and the borders closed... we other don't share his ideas of that, Necrobutcher is only into crimes and drugs and he's a kinda rightwing, Hellhammer wants to be a dictator and he's seriously into fascism and Nazi stuff. I think everything politically involved is CRAP and I don't think any political involved things mean anything and I keep away from it. The countries and republics and places Euro has "planned" that we shall tour are - Albania, North Korea, China, Kampuchea, Vietnam, Mongolia, South Yemen, Afghanistan, Iran, Angola, Congo, Somalia, Ethiopia, Libya and Cuba. My thoughts of these countries that we can never visit them & especially cannot play there. Out(?) there's a guy in Cuba who tries to set up a gig for us there and also in the (lesser sick) Philippines there might be something as well as Malaysia. I think it all will end with that Euro will tour there by his own.. there will be too music hassles with the stage show I think, and in Iran it's no possibility to bring any instruments. Places like for example Romania that are losing the communistic involvement also lose Euro's interest. But I'm madly into Romania instead and that's cause the main part of Transylvania is there. So that's why Euro wants us to play in Russia, even if they now have "too much" Glasnost and everything. Euro reads books of Mao and he wishes to live in South Yemen or North Korea and go also to Kampuchea to join the Red Khmer.

I heard that in a communistic country, only guys with privileges are allowed to go to gigs of Western bands, and not always the real fans, so will this be the case with you, too? Or won't you have such problems over there?

- At least we think that was the case many years ago but that it has changed pretty much since then. The real problem is that there exists NOTHING of an underground there and they don't even know of what it is. There ARE Deathmetalbands there, even if the're very rare, and the same guys who listen to them also like Hard-Heavy-Speed- Pop. VENOM is really widespreaden and well-known there but they haven't heard of METALLICA (or not many of all know of them) which I think is great...

Do you think that you'll earn money (or at least don't lose it) or are you going to pay for it?

- The reason of why it'll be so easy to set it up and why that agency is into us is that we don't want dollaers. They'll pay by a cheque instead an we can get that money froma Norwegian bank in what currency we wish to have it in. The problem that can appear is to get them into giving such a cheque afterwards but our Russian friends talked them (in the agency) into it.

Talking about live shows, judging from what you have told me about your show (impaled pigheads and such stuff), you seem to have a very brutal stageacting. So aren't you afraid that perhaps some moron takes it too seriously and beats up someone (or hurts him seriously)?

- There's always some fuckheads that do not understand what it's all about and cannot understand others who are there for the music and that problem is at almost every concert not depending of what band is playing I think. If someone's diving or something there's often some asshole who cannot see what that is and then wanna start up a fight of that reason. Idiots that go to concerts only to throw bottles and destroy for both the band and the crowd shouldn't be there. We haven't had many liveshows and that one we could have hose "effects: there were many into Speedmetal and glam-fag-rock and they left as soon as the pigheads begun to fly around in there... but something I do hate indeed is mosh! I can't accept it exist children that think of themselves funny & noisy recording demos demos after a couple weeks after one more trendy band has formed. A kid of 11 years or so has listened to CARCASS and the day after he finds out he shall form a band along with plas from school. It's like that these bands get created and they never care or know of, they only fuck with the scene by their hundreds of demos that are teeming everywhere and it sounds all the same! I REFUSE to listen to that! And especially never laugh at their fun-pix, fun-lyrics or fun-noises they make.. to all those things are supposed to be so childish and non-seriously funny, it's only themselves that manage to alugh but no one else does! I think it was necessary to tell of that, too.

Do you use any other effect than impaled pigheads on stage?

- Pigheads, as well as other heads, is what we try to have at all gigs. But also other things are kind of planned at future shows. It needs sick ideas and also money as well as it gotta suit to the place we're playing at.. for example if we use impaled pigheads in one (of Euro's) Islamic countries we'll surely get killed then. Another thing is that what's the most disgusting thing to do right here to fuck with the wimps might not be the same effectful somewhere else and if we ever come to for example India, the most evil thing that we can do there I have in mind will be to sacrifice a "holy cow" on stage. I wanna have stage equipment at our shows of Transylvanian landscapes, instruments of torture that are from the 12th century, real trees from a dead forest, spotlights that are used to "paint" dark colors of dust and later moonshine... different animalheads and human craniums hanging in meat hooks by chains from the dead trees and the heads have huge screws in their eyes... that's what I think would make the perfect mood. But if we can build such things by ourselves pay for the giant expenses it surely will include and make it portable also, I can't imagine if we will ever be able to make. But to tell of what else we have as the show or effects is when I cut myself up. Something I study is how people react when my blood is streaming everywhere but that's not why I do it. I like to cut, in others preferably, but it's mostly in myself. That I can't do too often which makes me a bit mourning.. the nearest thing is three gigs in Sweden which will probably be in the end of May and I think of if I can take a highly tunes kitchen saw machine that's cutting and sawing faster than it's possible to control it..... that would be a nice thing to have there I think. Another band there, that's the one the guy that'll set this whole thing up by the way, will try to get a goat that they shall sacrifice on stage by a fireman's axe but I just can't remember that bandname. Another Blackmetal band that'll play there is GROTESQUE (from Gothenburg) + some other Deathmetals. If it shall be "gore" then it gotta be REAL effects and only snuff is real!

Is MAYHEM still trying to play as fast as possible, or is that something of the past?

- Hard to say yes or no. Maybe I shall add here I wasn't in the band in the beginning and I didn't join MAYHEM till after "Deathcrush" was recorded, and we got a new drummer straight after that's called Hellhammer. What I can of by my experiences of early MAYHEM is only when I first heard the band. That was when the first released demo "Pure fucking armageddon" that suddenly appeared in five copies in a record shop in Stockholm called heavy sound.. that record shop is really commercial and their prices stink! But anyway that tape was the most brutal, fastest and unbelievably evil than what I had ever heard since VENOM! That first released tape, which was a reh/demo is not available any longer, it was given out in only 100 copies. I could har then, and they told me of it also, that it was a sharp contrast to most of the bands that were in '86 and as for that time it was really something very fast. And as for my experiences in about that time, which was outside of MAYHEM then, when we played most of those who watched thought it sounded chaotic and they simply couldn't understand us... but the speed is not exactly what we think is the view of our sound. It's not necessary to play as fast as it's possible for a band neither the heaviness as some call it in doom shall not make the sound of a band. I fell that it's necessary to add that I'm neither into noise nor techno. When we make something new of material for a song we don't think like "it gotta be 100 times faster" or "no, we can't use such a guitar-riff 'cos it's not doomy enough". When we first make it as well as when we improve it we only are working on what's necessary for that track and try to find out of what makes it that we think we like that one. Then it's not depending on how fast it goes but the rhythms and sound itself. To express brutality and the matter in the lyrics is not not done by breaking the soundwall with drumpounches. What I think the most Doomband can't make so well is that they wanna be Deathmetalbut at the same time they try to get that heaviness of BLACK SABBATH. Nothing wrong with BLACK SABBATH (the early...) but it can't be mixed with Death, then it turns out to be something between these and that's Heavy-Speedmetal and that's not acceptable!

Will you always play Deathmetal, or can we expect a change of the style?

- Maybe we now have learned a bit more of our instruments since the start... of the present time the only we have to compare with of a new recording are the two track that'll be on the Swedish compilation LP. I have no idea of what responses it'll be from it. But yes, we have changed a bit, but not more than what can be expected after almost three years since last recording and two new members. And it is a difference between the first PFA demo and "Deathcrush". I can't tell much more than my own thoughts of how a band shall hopefully sound like. That is to keep the sound and spirit that once existed in the time of what now is "old fashioned Blackmetal: of VENOM and the earliest bands that came by then like POSSESSED, DESTRUCTION, SODOM, POISON (German of course!!), BATHORY, DEATH and so on before they either vanished or wimped out to get big bucks and groupies. What has happened after that is hard o ignore when one got reminded by totally unserious and senseless demos of noise with either vegetarian or anti-everything lyrics or no lyrics at all - can they never realize they;re all fuckheads and should never form those fun-bands that each such dude is in 30 or 50 dofferent crap bands with thousands of half-second songs? But they can eat their fucking (polluted) salad believing they do the scene a big favour while I stick with what I worship and that so many others seem to be indeed scared of - BLACKMETAL! Once there was something illful that ordinary wimps feared and never understood. Something none had heard anything like of ever before. There were less numbered bands and the scene was new and not big but there was a friendship, so limited but strong. In leather and spikes.

What do you think of bigger bands like METALLICA that become more wimpy and slower with every album?

- What happened with METALLICA can never be forgiven, they died after "Kill em all" although I can listen to some of the songs from "Ride the lightning". Their sound of aggressive power is totally lost and there is no reason for such a band to continue. Bands that appear on such crap as MTV (get off the air - W.) and commercial lists should never exist!!!! They're too damn technical with only harmonies and tight rhythms to pose as rutinated superstars.

Do you listen only to Deathmetal, or also to something else? In America it seems as if many people listen to many different musicstyles, not only metal, so what do you think of it?

- Each place seems to me having an own scene. And mostly it can be noticed if a band is American by their sound. I've never been there, only heard lots of strange comments by friends who visited it. I think I better keep these comments untold.... Do you believe me when I say that I don't listen to anything else than Black/Death? (We do believe you lol - me) To me that's what exists and nothing else. I listen to what I find to be evil or black for the evil's sake. That's why I begun listen to it. Satanic sound of pure evil illful brutality that I couldn't get out of my grey matter! I still like it that way and that's why I continue having about the same idea of it. In lyrics I try to express various evil thoughts and the same in for example drawings. That's one reason why I think effects as stage show is of such importance.

On the rehearsal tape you've sent me, it's you who's singing, or am I wrong? Well, Most Deathmetal bands prefer a vocalist with a very deep voice, so why is it different with MAYHEM? Do you do that on purpose to sound different than other bands?

- Yeah, it's me on vocals and Hellhammer on drums 'cos that tape was pretty new. If my voice is different from the most bands I take it as a compliment. Each singer has got an own voice and an own way to use it. But mostly there's only one particular way of singing that suits on singer's voice. I use to sing in that way and how we think fits to the music, too. I have no purpose that I necessary have sound completely different than anything else do or create something new. Neither to copy from anyone. No, it's simply our sound.

Your voice reminds me a bit of Quorthon from BATHORY and that brings me to the next question. I read that you and Quorthon aren't what one could call friends, so could you tell me what's up with that or don't you want me to talk about that?

- Why is Quorthon talked of so often? (I don't mean by you but from so many..). I don't think he invented Occultism or the deathway of singing. I can listen to the early stuff by BATHORY only. Like the first LP and the compilation LPs, but later he lost all the ability to crush and kill. I don't think so many outside of Scandinavia have him but I can tell you it's not worth the try. Some dudes I know more or less know that guy, but I've met him only once. He's one of the worst motherfucking wimps I've had the misfortunate to meet! Do you by the way know it's his dad who's "the boss" and he runs his record label and Quorthon goes nowhere without his daddy.. "Quorthon" has changed his real name now to Ace and he doesn't have have to slightest idea of any Occultism and especially not of the black arts his lyrical stuffs content! I just don't understand who makes the lyrics.. could it be the Boss? The only interest Quorthon has is to fucking around at the London's rockclubs and the so-called Vvornth, the drummer he picked up from a GLAMROCK band!!! How strange how everything he says in interviews is changing completely all the time... in the earliest days of BATHORY he explains how important it is with the darkness in songs and he's writing of the satanic influences he has 'cos that's his greatest possession. He also explained of a gig that fucked in the earliest line-up of BATHORY befre he became an one-man band for two LPS - the reason why that gig wasn't possible to set up was 'cos of the extreme stage-show they were supposed to have then. Things as for example sacrifice a lamb.. that's NOT how he's talking now at all. He became for a while so totally against satanism, black magic and so on to change again to "nothing is wrong with satanism, black art, the evil etc., but what I hate is the satanists"..more amazing than ever I think! He's a fuckhead and he's too much of a superstar and he "can't" talk to normal people 'cos he is far too fucking famous for that! Haven't seen any likely case of wimpism before! WOE! And he didn't like the sacrificed guineapighead impaled on an upside-down cross with nailed eyes that I thought smelled so nice....

Is there a special way to get such a voice or were you born with it?

- In fact I sound different on the demo I sung at with m old band in Sweden - MORBID. Which is the only demo I am on by the way. I've learned some more of how to sing I guess, but I hope people won't thing of it as a negative...? That demo of MORBID "December moon" that we'd recorded in Dec. '87 isn't much of spreaden out so I guess not many have heard it that are reading this interview. We split up about a month after that recording. I can't think of if I have any technic or a special method, I just sing.

Are you "only" a singer, or do you also play and instrument? If not, don't you find it a bit frustrating that you can't write music?

- I'm "only" a singer. I once tried to learn playing guitar but with no success at all so I gave it up after a short time. That was years ago...... I joined for a short moment a very stupid band and we tried without any success to make music but it was too disturbing for all of us so we quit that almost immediately. In that "band" I tried to play bass which went shit and by that short existence I found it did sound kind of better when I tried to sing.. strange, I just thought of if we had done that right now instead of about six years ago we had probably been one of these noise bands of the thousands of inscrutable demos and working on ruining the scene I suppose. I don't think of myself as a musician.

Normally singers have to take care of their voices, like no smoking, no drinking and much sleep, so how do you treat your voice? Is drinking and smoking the best way to get a Deathmetal-voice?

- I guess I should take care of the voice more than I do. But I can tell you that I don't smoke and don't drink very often either, and as for drinking, that's 'cos of lack of money and time...

Why do you have these pseudonyms? Just cause they sound cool?

- I got many nicknames and usually when I visit somewhere they start to call me something strange of a name. We think there's nothing wrong with our names that we have chosen and we think those pseudonyms reflect our personality. If we had used our "real" names, none outside Scandinavia surely couldn't say them. We use these names 'cos they sound best!

How do you react when someone makes fun of you cause he thinks your names are stupid?

- That doesn't happen often, but if some shithead does it's too stupid that I shall care of!

Sweden seems to be a land of Deathmetal, while I can't think of too many good Norwegian Deathmetalbands, so how is the Deathmetalscene in Norway? Which bands are good?

- Firstly, I don't think Sweden is a Deathmetalcountryand the most of the bands there are just shit. Many of them are "into" Deathmetal right now 'cos every one else is. I don't like the scene in Scandinavia at all. It's true there are not many of the Norwegian bands but to say some that I find OK - DARKTHRONE, VALHALL, ISENGARD, AMPUTATION, and CADAVER.

Are there plans to release more stuff on DSP (the label which the guys from MAYHEM founded) in the next future?

- It'll be a couple of released MERCILESS editions before any further band on DSP will come along. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to pay for the studio expenses for the bands. The next band will be IMPERATOR from Poland and then MASACRE from Columbia. They are the only ones that are certain yet. IMPERATOR is ready to go in studio now and it'll be 8-10 songs on their LP (depending on if they will use two old songs or not), they've got a new drummer and they now got lyrics in English. We'll let the next release of our band be on DSP also, which probably will be that "De mysteriis dom. sathanas" LP. But when ever that will be I don't know...

How are the sales of "The Awakening", or is it too early to say something about it?

- The first edition of "the awakening" sold out as fast as we could manage to pack the records. Of an edition of 1000 copies it's hard to be fair to everybody by who shall have the record when the orders are more than what we have records to send out....

Karlen from MERCILESS told me of a tour with MAYHEM, so is it merely a wish, or will something like this happen?

- I don't know about actually a tour, but we thought of having some gigs around somewhere in Scandinavia.. I just can say we hope a such thing will be. A guy told us for a long time ago he wanted us down to Portugal to play there and that he will pay in advance for that trip expenses. We think of that when it'll be we'll bring also MERCILESS there, but when that thing can be done I just don't have an idea of.

When I listen to "Deathcrush", I hear that the guitarsound has not much bass in it, so is this the way you want th guitar to sound or just how it came out in the studio, or are my ears cheating me?

- I guess you're right about th sound might be lighter than ordinary. But in fact it is down-tuned but with a bad speaker, the distortion makes it that way. I don't play guitar by myself and once again I'm not musically talented so I don't know of the particular reason for that sound...

In this interview with F.E.T.U. Euronymous said that in some occasions, he reached up to 50 hits per second...??? Is this really true? It's hard for me to believe it...

- In fact that's not really so fast with 50 hits/second, huh.... with the thought of it's one up and one down. It might sound faster than it is.

Do you think that a distorted bass and doublebassdrums are necessary for Deathmetal?

- Definitely yes and with our sound it fits perfect. As for the distorted bass it makes it possible to tune up the bass, but Necrobutcher doesn't in fact actually play bass, it's like a rhythmguitar played on a bass. And the main reason for having doublebass on the drums is that it ca be to play with the pedaldrums not only doing it faster by them. A bass with no distortion sounds too funky and a single-bassdrumkit is for pop or discobands which I don't give much for!

Compared to Manheim, Hellhammer seems to play much more technical and complicated, so do you think that this drumming style is better for Mayhem?

- You're right about it's more technical on the drums. He may do it too technical sometimes, I think, instead of having aggression and brutality in the sound and I don't think much about techno. Technical playing mostly doesn't give anything at all in the sound, instead it's a risk that the power in it and that the Evil Black sound got wasted by that. Something I HATE by technical styles is when it is to show how good one is at some instruments but it's mostly the guitar players that do that. It ruins only.

Uh, I must come to an end, so instead of another boring "last comment", could you tell which zine you think is the most stupid/shitty one?

- The very worst one ever done that we've seen is the "Shit mag" from Chile that only uses one sentence of each answer of the interviews by all bands, not depending on how long or what the answers are. But it's hard to say exactly what zines are the worst crap when so many of them are... some rite in a totally "impossible" English in both the letters and interviews to us and sometimes not even in English... we really don't know what to do with the 25 or more questions in for example Spanish but mostly their letters are the worst and what do you do with many pages written in Hungarian, Polish, French, Spanish, Portuguese, German (from Eastern Europe) or Italian????? All we can do is to write back in English and if there is any possibility for us to translate their letters so we know of what to answer and we of course do that. Otherwise I use to answer in Swedish or Japanese. (Pelle knew Japanese?? Or am I misunderstanding??? - me) It is really weird how zines can exist in the most strangest places... and once we got a letter in pretty good done Swedish from Hungary. It's hard for me to see how it can be a scene (or a kind of) in places like Cuba, GDR, Malaysia, Bangladesh, Israel and Scandinavia. It sounds really strange to us but it is bands and sometimes zines at such places and we try to contact them. But to give a more proper answer on that question but not to put shit, eh, the place of really many shit-zines and also much of rip-offs is Poland. No place is totally free from rip-offs neither only shit-zines existing. But Chile and Greece also got much of that kind but not as much as Poland. What I really hate of rip-offs is when someone buys a demo and then sell it like bootlegs when it's no even cheaper to buy a such one or when they print t-shirts of our band and never even tell us us of that. It's ok when we receive one shirt-each member and then they can sell and print as much as they want to. It's the same with some zines, they either send interviews and after that we never hear from them again or they don't even write us up at all, only copy other stuff from various zines and later we can receive letters from people telling of our reviews or bio in zines we thought those didn't exist... that's the worst zines I think!

Oh my god, this was a pretty long interview, wasn't it? I hope you enjoyed the questions and especially the answers as much as I did, so you can be sure that I'm deeply proud to have that interview in Battery. If you wanna contact the band, you can write to the following address: MAYHEM, Box 75, 1405 Langhus, NORWAY, but please include an IRC or something like that. You can also ask about the label DEATHLIKE SILENCE PRODUCTIONS and the MERCILESS LP which fucking kills - read my review!! OK, that's it and thanx to Dead for such long answers!"

#pelle ohlin #morbid #mayhem #dead #per yngve ohlin #jørn stubberud #swedish black metal #true norwegian black metal #øystein aarseth #lords of chaos #black metal #metalhead #heavy metal #hellhammer #dsbm #metalmusic

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imdoingwhateverisnext · 1 year

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Preparing myself, as the Nest Becomes More Empty....

I am guilty of coddling my kids too much at times. I realize now that it was something that helped me, not them. In a divided household, I knew they lived with a drill sergeant half of the time. I felt I needed to offset the balance and allow them to be "kids". Which meant I always had a messy house unless I did most of the cleaning.

Somehow in between my full time job, part time job, graduate school program, and 3 kids, I got by without child support. I was afraid to ask for support, and I figured I could support them on my own anyway. I lost a lot of sleep over the years. I probably lost a lot of years as well. Maintaining a home as the only adult is challenging; between the housework, cooking, bills, shopping, laundry, mom's taxi service, sports practices, homework, check-ups, dental, orthodontics, maintaining personal hygiene (yes theirs but also mine). I don't know how I even did it for as long as I did. It was like I was in robot mode with little time for introspection, I had too much to do.

My son is a senior and will be leaving home soon. My oldest son left a couple of years ago. When he did, I spent almost a week in full melt-down mode. I warned everyone ahead of time, I could feel it coming. Please stay away. I am not going to be normal or okay. Landon was my reason for continuing to exist. He was my reason for anything adult-like or responsible I had ever done. He moved out and I went full psycho mode. I warned my youngest kids to stay away for a few days. It was for the best.

Then, he moved back in after a couple of months. By the time he came back, I was already used to him being gone. It felt different. I thought, 'I just got used to you not being here'. He stayed a couple of months and then left for good. He is married now. Yesterday I realized his girlfriend now shares his last name, and is now his wife. It has been 4 months. One might think the realization should have dawned on me before now. I don't always do things in the proper order.

My 'babies' are grown and stretching their wings. When my son moved out the second time, I had no meltdowns. I am getting better, but I am terrified of losing my last two babies. I have to find something that is for me, and gives me reason to look forward to my empty nest. I would love to be able to help my kids pack and be excited for their futures as well as my own.

If I am being honest, it seems that coddling my kids made me feel important. If they needed me to cook, clean, help with homework, and be on call for medical questions, I would remain relevant (or so I thought). Now that much of the hard work of raising my kids is over, I have tried to "find myself" again. Rediscover my likes, my dislikes, and try to figure out what would actually be good for ME. I forgot about my own needs for so long, couldn't even remember what I liked. It is a process that has been frightening, painful, exciting, and fun.

As the time for Jack to leave home looms over my head and the calendar days fly past, my excitement and dread grow exponentially together. I don't like the dread at all. Fear of lack of purpose, death on the horizon, loneliness, and an overall lack of a solid plan for the future are all hanging like a black cloud over me.

I had to start preparing. There are no other realistic options. I know they will not flourish as adults if I "over-help" them and try to keep them with me forever. If I keep doing things for them, things that they should be doing for themselves, I am robbing them of their independence. I am not allowing them to grow up because I want them to stay my 'babies' forever, and I want to stay relevant in their lives. It is actually very selfish. I don't like this part of my personality/ mind. This is not helpful, and the probable outcome (needy adults who can not do anything for themselves) does not look like a future I want for my kids.

So, I have decided that I am going to be a 'lazy' mom (my mom guilt makes me refer to it as such). I have to let them cook, clean, wash their clothes until they no longer need me. They aren't going to love it at first, and I will be tempted to cave in, but I must get them ready for a future in which they are strong, well adjusted, and at least somewhat disciplined. I have to teach more, and do less chores. That doesn't sound too bad really. I should have started this years ago.

#Preparing myself as the nest becomes more empty #Mom guilt #almost empty nest syndrome #coddling my grown kids #lazy mom guilt

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hueningshaped · 2 years

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omg my ult ults me back????🥹🥹 i'm a successful fan😎 nope i will always find a way >:D you are so ☹️☹️ i have the first update already !! i have one (1) uni friend and me and her have pretty much developed separation anxiety so we always try to get into all the same courses but this semester it didn't work in one of our courses so both of us are very much like AND i am very unlucky with my schedule because i have uni every day now and it's so tiring because 4/5 days i only have class for 1.5 hours and i live a little further away so i have to commute for twice as long as i'm actually there😐 i hate it here. HAVE YOU SEEN THE SEULO TEASER!!!! i almost lost my mind i need it her to drop it ASAP (whoo woo 눈앞에 눈앞에 나타나 줘) !! not you researching apple types??😭😭😭 it's literally you as #1 cutest person in the world and then 10 spaces empty😔 AHHHH i'm so happy you like the new theme i am also very much 💗💘💕💓in love💓💕💘💗 with yours!! no bc ur right beomgyu really is just SO beomgyu😣 and AHHHH 2.0 i'm happy you liked the song too :(( i really liked ioi and i only stumbled upon the news of her solo by accident but i'm so happy she finally got it, her and chungha were my biases🥹🫶🏻 omg NOOO i really hope you managed to pass ur exam (pls update me i won't be able to rest otherwise :/) and i hope the closing shift was alright too!! AND !!!!!! i forgot to ask last time (literally so vile and evil) but how is your eye i hope that stye is gone by now because it's literally been like three decades since you mentioned it😟 oooohhh i hope you get to read more literature soon!! (plus get the sleep and rest you deserve😾) i also wanted to read a book over the summer but i procrastinated so much that i only started like two weeks ago but i had to stop again because my exams are coming up and i have to study for them which is another thing i'm procrastinating on😁👍🏻 omg the person i was during my 1d days ..... my actual dark past ..... i stanned them from early 2013 to early 2014 and then i kind of lost interest UNTIL the literal earth-shattering day that march 25, 2015 was and i started stanning them again but only until the start of 2016 because right after i started my kpop phase 🫥🫥 i haven't really been keeping up with them that much i've only listened to a few of their singles and i enjoyed the memes that followed the liam drama this year way too much😭😭 omg that first video literally one of my favorites ever i love seeing them just chilling off camera plus him incorporating head and shoulders knees and toes into his freestyle⁉️🤨 NOOOO the cheering he is so 😣😣😞😿 and omg the song!!!!! this message is already so long ur probably gonna be like bffr once you see this😭 so here is your first your second and your third link I LOVE U ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!!

pleaseee ur my angel but yes hehe we’re mutual ults 🥹💗 how lucky is that 🤯 awww omg an update already yay but aw im sorry also that video is so funny but in the context it’s so 💔💔💔 how disheartening 🥺 omg i hate that !!!! why can’t uni just understand and be more flexible with schedules <///3 commuting being longer than actual class time is so 0/100 would NOT recommend >:(( i hope u find time to rest throughout all this even though ik already that’s it’s difficult to make time btw actual in school and commuting and life 😮‍💨 and omg the seulo mv 😳 “i kiss your brother” SEULGI?!1!1!!3!:!: i really really love songs with a bass line as powerful as that one ~ ive yet to listen to the rest of the album / have you ?? also this is such a random question but do u buy albums or photocards ? :0 hehe anyway (pls ur the absolute cutest to ever exist and to bring meaning to the word ‘cute’) haha….. apparently i failed so terribly…. which is bad bc initially i thought i’d done better… it’s a lot to explain but haha… (you are the furthest thing from evil ARE U KIDDINGNNEME u are the kind of good that gives people hope to keep living to keep dreaming and loving and anyway) my stye went away eventually so yay! there isn’t enough time in the world is there hm 🥺 i hope we both can read books at our own leisure/whenever we want to soon 🤹 best of luck on ur exams !!!! let me know how those go (also plz get ur sleep and eat and be hydrated) omg a directioner too? 🥹 they were dark times…. almost forgot about freaking liam drama ahhh we were so happy then (well sorta hehehe) OH GOODNESS UR LINKS *hand over heart* im… 💔 yeonjun being a lookalike to the short bangs kitty im so in luv ahh and their protocol team :”) it makes me happy to know they’re taken care of and besides that they have fun with each other it warms my heart 😿😿 worlds colliding abby huening is definitely meant to be part of ive idk 😮‍💨 slayyyyy hehe sorry i feel like i didn’t say anything of substance in this reply which is absurd especially after such a pathetically long delay ☹️ during the final week of september my sister came to visit (she lives 1000 miles / 1609 km away) and i had lots of fun and when she left everything went downhill and i haven’t been well and with the little time i have to myself im just exhausted 🥺 im sorry i didn’t mean to mar this response to you not bring u anything but positivity bc u deserve the best 🥺 i withdrew from one of my classes due to how overwhelmed i was and im just trying to take each day at a time at the moment 👍👍 so i hope to be better 💌 HEY WAIT AHH DID YOU SEE UMM UMM TXT NEW HAIR COLOR?2!!2!2!;!/ APPLE, WE GOT BLOND SOOBIN!!!!! PINK TYUN!!!! BROWN 🧸 BEOMGYU!!!!! BLACK HAIRED YJ!!!!! PRINCELIKE BLACK HAIR HYUKA!!!!! at a loss of words……. please update me with ur life and with school and everything! i TRULYYYY hope things are going better and that u at least enjoy the classes u share with ur friend and that ur commutes are safe 🥺 here are ur links 📃~ this impeccable cover of beomgyu, another cover of his hahaha, this tweet, and a song (this song is so sad ive only been listening to sad music lately whoopsies) also sorry my links are lacking :( i’ll do better next time 🫶 i know i only ever give you 2% when u give me 10000% and i apologize i love u and i don’t ever wish to take u for granted 🥺 please take care always ~!! 💗❤️💗❤️💗 (tyssssssm for the pics they’re so cute and beautiful i love them)

#[❤️⭐️]—aquí te amo #ask >3<#apple my love #dream suite

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symphonicmetal101 · 3 years

Text

Welcome To The World Satan

An Obey Me theory/headcanon as to how Satan gradually became accepted by a grief-ridden family

Ok to start, I’ll be referring to a couple hcs that already exist here, It’s not vital to go back and read those first, but it’s a short piece and would help me out a ton if you leave so much as a like! Thank you.

Alright, as I mentioned in the other piece, I hc that Satan was “born” as a small child, about 4 years old in human years. This is because children often do not have a way to communicate exactly how they are feeling, and their frustration is further enhanced by the lack of that ability. Because Satan was the spawn of Lucifer’s wrath, guilt, and regret, I would also like to put a theory out there that Satan is the spitting image of Lilith, seeing as losing Lilith is one of if not Lucifer’s biggest regret. However I want to take that theory a little farther.

Mammon

In those few moments it took for Satan to form, Lilith’s ghost had been nearby, heart-broken to see her brothers fall and crushed with the knowledge knowing they would be in pain in every way possible, thus merging with Satan before he fully came to be, hoping to provide to the newest member to her family, as well as use him as a vessel to aid in calming her family, despite his turbulent origins. When they crashed in the Devildom, someone wrote this much more poetically than me however I cannot remember who, I apologize, Lucifer was quick to throw himself into his work, his grief not aided by Satan’s strikingly similar appearance to Lilith, leaving Satan feeling confused and upset, as well as the pieces of Lilith with in him, who wanted nothing more than to comfort her biggest brother, but continued to be pushed away. With Leviathan under the water, Asmo indulging in his sin, Beel basically stress-eating, and Belphie sleeping the sad away, the only one really available for Satan was Mammon. Mammon of course, was dealing with his own grief, but here he was in the same room as a young crying and screaming kid that looked like his dead sister, all his brothers have kind of separated to deal with things on their own, but...he couldn’t just leave Satan. After a few attempts at calming him down and failing, Mammon started getting distracted by pieces of metal and scraps around the room, temporarily ignoring Satan and subconsciously going back to an old hobby with an alternate motive- inventing a machine that could help make him rich! Though as Mammon started gathering supplies, Satan’s cries slowly started to deescalate into small whimpers and sniffles before he crawled over to Mammon, studying what he was doing and then trying his best to help. It was a bit of a stress-reliever for Mammon, and he helped Satan the way Lucifer had helped him all those years ago, but warned him it might not work. It inevitably fell apart and Satan’s first instinct was to throw a tantrum, but as hot tears of frustration filled his eyes, Mammon simply pulled him into a hug. Lilith also helped calm him down a bit, and for the first time since being created, Satan sighed and felt peace...at least momentarily, but that was all he needed to know he was safe with Mammon, and a piece of Lilith faded, one of her pieces of unfinished business completed.

The Twins

Satan still wasn’t accepted very quickly by the other brothers, and even with Mammon he struggled to be around him all the time, and as mentioned in the other piece, he often wandered. However one time he had had a nightmare and was walking towards Mammon’s room when he heard a pitiful cry from the twins room, daring to peek in and see Beel and Belphie sharing a bed, Beel crying in his sleep, Belphie clearly having a nightmare just like he had just had. A strange urge pushed him forward, though he felt very small in comparison, wondering what he could possibly do until he got stronger instruction from a voice in his head to lay between the two. He did, and slowly but surely the twins and himself calmed down and were able to fall back asleep. The morning after, the twins were surprised, and after listening to Satan’s story as to why he was in their bed, they had the want to protect him as well. As they spent more time with him however, they found that he not only looked like Lilith, but shared many characteristics with her. For Belphie, it was a source of comfort, whereas for Beel it brought his guilt back, and for the time being, he tried to distance himself from Satan, but always treated him kindly whenever they did happen to be in the same room. Whenever Satan couldn’t sleep, Belphie would tell him bed time stories. Eventually Satan wanted to remember all the stories Belphie told him, so he got a paper and a pen to draw what he understood from each story, and would cry and scream at Belphie if he fell asleep in the middle of telling a story. He had his own picture books now, and would review them often.

Levi

Asmo

I have some other stuff on him and Asmo here, regarding his sense of style (and/or lack thereof), but not important. Asmo wasn’t home a lot of the time after the initial fall, spending his time indulging himself, as well as going out and drinking. (May do an angst piece for Asmo in the near future, we shall see-) However as he started to adjust even the smallest bit, he started to actually decorate his room a bit instead of neglecting it. So by the Satan came stumbling down the hallway looking for something to do, his curiousity got the best of him and he walked into Asmo’s bedroom, when the Lust demon happened to be out. He took a look around the room until he found some fashion magazines, the bright colours and big lettering catching his eye. Not wanting to get caught in Asmo’s room without him there, he took one and ran to his room, and slowly looking over the words to try and sound them out, using the pictures to help him understand. As he got better at this, it would become almost a ritual. He would very quietly open the door to make sure that if Asmo was in there sleeping, he wouldn’t wake him up by accident and avoid getting caught. He would steal a few magazines (thanks Mammon for showing him how to do it “right”-), take them to his room and try to read them, but now also adding the words to Belphie’s stories under his pictures in his book. One day he was on his way to return the magazines with his book tucked under his other arm, excited to show the twins and maybe Mammon, but in his excitement he forgot to knock or check quietly first, opening the door and seeing a startled looking Asmo applying make-up at his vanity. Asmo knew about Satan, but hadn’t really seen him yet, wide-eyed at the resemblance between him and Lilith as he slowly put his mascara down and knelt on the floor, beckoning Satan closer by name, reassuring him it was ok. Satan cautiously and somewhat ashamed-looking approached Asmo, trying somewhat to hide the magazines he had, though once he was close enough Asmo could see that there were a few tears in his eyes, from fear, and anger at himself, and embarrassment in getting caught. He gently put his hand on Satan’s shoulder and asked him if he needed a hug, trying not to let on just how much he needed one himself. Satan started crying and apologized for taking the magazines without permission as he hugged Asmo. Asmo reassured him it was ok and held him close until he stopped crying, just rocking him back and forth a bit. When he was done, Asmo had a few tears in his eyes as well as he wiped Satan’s away, explaining he wasn’t upset, but curious as to why Satan wanted to look at the magazines. Satan proudly presented his homemade book to Asmo and explained he had been teaching himself how to read and write using Asmo’s magazines. Asmo was clearly impressed by this, and was the first person to praise Satan for anything he had done, and asked him to read the book to him, sitting on the floor properly and inviting him to sit in his lap. Satan was more than happy to oblige, feeling his little heart swell with joy as he plopped himself down and started reading to Asmo the stories Belphie told him, as Asmo felt love for someone again, almost crying at the amount of comfort Satan had given him, for the first time sense falling, Asmo had found a bit of peace, allowing another piece of Lilith to fade away. As Satan presented his work to his other brothers, they were impressed, Belphie much more touched than he let on., and it was actually him that suggested that one of them take Satan to a library with more age-appropriate books, as the ones in the house were too mature for him. Satan was ecstatic and was finally starting to feel a bit more like a part of the family.

It took a while for Levi to come home, partially because he didn’t even know where “home” was. However by the time Levi got home he was still struggling to control his sin, getting angry and jealous over Satan getting so much attention, inadvertently feeding into Satan’s power. Satan turned into his demon form, a sight that wasn’t new to the other brothers but concerning, as for the first time, he wasn’t crying, and it was just pure anger as Levi snapped at him for “taking his brothers away” and “you’re not a real part of this family, why should you get the love I deserve?!” Beel tried to calm Levi down as Asmo and Belphie tried Satan, but the damage was done and Satan wasn’t backing down this time. He ended up attacking Levi, leaving everyone panicking, not knowing how Levi would react and how far Satan would go. Beel was quick to pick Satan up, leaving a stunned Levi on the floor. He slowly got up, as Satan curled into Beel still in his demon form, crying angrily, not wanting to believe Levi’s words. Levi mumbled something under his breath and went to his room, holing up and relying on Beel to bring him food and water as he continued to pity himself. Satan needed a lot reassurance from his brothers he had connected with to make sure they weren’t going to push him away again, leave him alone again, and not say things like Levi had ever again. It wasn’t until Levi started to set things up for a pet that Satan felt like approaching him again. Levi had learned to control himself a bit better as well as felt bad for having said those things to Satan, and apologizing. Once Satan knew what kind of pet Levi was getting, and also found out that Levi read something called “manga”, he asked one of his brothers to take him to the library so he could grabs some manga as well as pick up food for the animal Levi was getting. Satan also picked up a book about raising the animal Levi was getting. He was adamant about taking it to Levi himself, his arms full of manga as he made his way to Levi’s room trying not to fall over. Levi was pleasantly surprised, and took a moment before realizing he should probably grab the stack before the child did actually fall over- Satan had asked about a certain book, caught off guard by himself as there was no way he should’ve known the title of a book when he didn’t even know that genre existed- Thank you Lilith. He had gotten a book that Levi had been in the middle of reading in the Celestial Realm, making him inexplicably happy. Levi ruffled his hair a bit as thanks and Satan smiled, happy that they had made up and resumed helping Levi set up the habitat. Levi told Satan he would help him find good manga for when he was old enough to read some of them. And with that, another piece of Lilith faded away.

Lucifer

Finally there was Lucifer. It wasn’t for a lack of trying on Satan’s part, since his creation, Lucifer was the one he felt the pull to most, but continuously was pushed away, Lucifer being “too busy”. What he didn’t know, was almost every time he left Lucifer, Lucifer would cry. He felt like a failure for having lost Lilith, and seeing Satan was salt in the wound as we was reminded of her every time. Satan felt unwanted, and started to build resentment for Lucifer, surely if he could get along with Levi he could eventually get along with the person who brought him into this world....right? However even once Lucifer started coming out of his office, whenever Lucifer looked down at Satan, even Satan could tell that there was something in his eyes that didn’t feel right, almost like disgust, when really, it was sadness. Satan stopped trying to get on Lucifer’s good side, despite what he felt was Lilith’s desperation. After a while, Lucifer finally felt ready to try and talk to Satan, to get to know him, but Satan still held that resentment and turned him away, telling him “you should have been the brother you are trying to be now...when I actually needed and wanted you.”

Conclusion

There is a small part of Lilith still with Satan, but he has grown to the point of being his own person. Sometimes when Satan feels alienated for being the only demon-born brother, he gets an inexplicable feeling of comfort wash over him, at least he did before MC came. With MC there to kind of take Lilith’s place, Lilith was finally able to find rest, her unfinished business finally taken care of.

Anyways- thank you for reading, I hope you found this interesting!

Masterlist

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me thoughts #obey me theory #obey me satan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #v talks

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fiveisnumber1 · 3 years

Text

Timeless - Five Hargreeves x Reader

Main story parts:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28

_________________________

Pt 28 - A Family Reunion

Gently you and Five parted from your kiss as you finally took in air again. Dropping your hands from his face you wrapped your arms around his neck and nuzzled your forehead against his. You hadn't opened your eyes yet as you were taking in every bit of this moment. As you did so Five lowered his hands from your face and wrapped his arms around your waist quickly pulling you closer to him.

"Oh!" You let out, surprised at the sudden action

"Didn't mean to scare you there." Five comments as he holds you tightly

He had missed you so much. It had only been about three days but all that time was filled with the worry of if you even existed in this timeline, where you could've been, and if you still loved him after tearing you from the life you re-built. He heard you say it, that you love him, and he felt it in the kiss you just shared but he didn't understand how you could love him after he threw you into time alone, again. Five pressed his forehead back against yours as he tries to just appreciate the solace of having you here with him. As you held your boyfriend for the first time in years you could feel something was off. Pulling your head back, you look at Five. He looks back at you and you can see that something was going on behind his eyes. Gently you stroke his hair as you quietly ask,

"What's going on in that head of yours?"

Five looked at you, your head tilted slightly as your eyes searched his face for some type of answer. He melted at the feeling of you running your fingers through his hair and across the back of his neck. Five closed his eyes and rested his forehead against yours once more. His voice barely a whisper as he said

"I promised no apocalypse and no time travel and I left you in time again. Alone. I just...are you mad at me?"

"I could never be mad at you, I missed you so much." You replied gently

A smile crept to Five's face and a weight fell off his shoulders knowing that you weren't upset with him, but your response also amused him. It was the exact same response he had given you when he returned to the future. It was what he said to ease your worry that he was mad at you all those years ago when he left and got stuck in the apocalypse. Five tilted his head up and places a light kiss on your forehead before replying,

"I missed you too ma chérie."

As the two of you stood embraced under the night sky a voice came from down the alleyway calling,

"Hey (Y/N), you okay? You stopped talking to the universe."

You and Five both turn to look at where the voice came from and you see Charlie standing at the entrance to the alley.

"Oh Charlie, I forgot you were here." You comment

"FORGOT?! What do you mean forgot? Do I matter that little to you?" Charlie exclaims before quickly adding "Don't answer that."

Charlie makes his way over to where you are with Five. Leaving the embrace you grab Five's hand to hold as you gesture with the other one to your friend.

"Charlie, this is my boyfriend Five and Five, this is my friend Charlie." You explain "He's the one who kept me sane while I was stuck in this time."

"That's a pretty bold claim saying I kept you sane..." Charlie states before extending his hand out and exclaiming "But wow! It's great to finally meet you. She never shuts up about you."

"Charlie!" You say using your freehand to hit his arm "Don't make me mute you."

"DoN'T MakE mE mUte YoU" Charlie mocks

With his free hand, Five takes Charlie's and shakes it. A full smile appears on his face as he comments,

"I see she's rubbed off on you."

"Not entirely, but definitely too much." Charlie jokes

"Wow, okay." You say sarcastically

Charlie and Five stop shaking hands and Five let go of yours using that arm to wrap around your waist and pull you into his side. Five looks down and you before back to Charlie and says,

"Thank you for taking care of her while I was gone."

"Thank you for coming back and taking over," Charlie jokes before stating "I'm joking, she's the only friend I've ever had so it's been a great experience so far."

"Never a dull day." You add

"I bet." Five replies

As the three of you stand in the alley, Five catches something move out of his peripheral and looks up to see Diego passing by one of the windows. He doesn't notice any of you down in the alleyway though so, a thought comes to Five's mind. As much as he hated the way his brother had been treating him lately, he knew that his brother loved you too. And Diego definitely loved you more than him. Turning to you, Five comments,

"It's getting a bit chilly out here, why don't we head inside. Anyway, I think there's someone else who wants to see you too."

Five then tilts his head to gesture up to the window where Diego is and you turn your head to look. It was your brother. The smile that you had at being reunited with Five widened as you saw your older brother above you. You turn back to Five excited and Five says,

"Let's go. You too Charlie."

Charlie smiles excitedly and the three of you walk inside and start to head up the staircase. As you do so, Five quietly details a plan to surprise Diego. When you approached the door to the apartment you waited quietly with Charlie outside. Five entered alone and as he did Diego asked him,

"Where did you go?"

"Outside. I needed some air and I had a nice chat." Five replies bluntly

Five then closes the door which is your signal and you go invisible and phase yourself through the wall and quietly walk behind where Diego stood. The anticipation rushed through you and you wanted to just run and hug your brother but you know this would mean so much more.

"You had a chat?" Diego questioned, "With who?"

"With me." You said

Diego turned around to look at where the voice came from and when he did you revealed yourself. You looked up at him with a smile on your face. You can see Diego's face go through a series of emotions as he tries to process the sight of you before him. Shifting from shock to confusion to awe he looks on at his little sister before him. You can see him get misty-eyed as he slowly approaches you.

"(Y- (Y/N)?" He asks voice wavering

"Hi Eggo."

Diego quietly takes a few steps over to you before wrapping you in a tight hug. You could hear sniffles coming from him as he held you.

"Eggo are you crying?"

"What? No...I- it's just d-dust" Diego obviously lies

You looked towards Five and rolled your eyes at Diego's response as you hugged him tighter. You knew that your brother had missed you too and even if he was trying to act tough his true colors always showed through. As you held him a knock came from the door. Diego quickly lets go of you and pulls out a knife. A voice calls,

"Can I come in now?"

Diego poises himself ready to throw but you lower his arm. As he looks at you confused you open the door and let Charlie inside.

"Hi, I'm Charlie," Charlie says extending his hand again

Diego looks on at him confused before slowly taking his hand to shake it and replying,

"Uh...Diego."

As you all stand there looking at each other you can feel the tiredness of your feet from standing in heels so long. Looking over towards the living room you see some couches and decide to sit down. As you walk over there the others follow.

"Som how long have you guys been here?" You question

"Three days." Five replies

"About eighty for me," Diego adds

Diego and Five walk over to the couch across from the two sofa chairs as you sit down on one of them. As Charlie takes the other one Diego asks you,

"So how long have you been here?"

You look off to the side. You knew the number of days but actually realizing how long it had been...You were taken aback a little. You look towards them and bring your eyes to meet their gazes. Taking a small breath you quietly respond,

"one thousand, four hundred and eighteen days..."

Their jaws drop and they simultaneously sit down on the couch across from you. No words are said as they stare at you. Five could barely find words to say as his mind was racing too fast calculating the amount of time. Figuring out the amount, Five's eyes went wide with concern.

"(Y/N)...that's..." Five tries to get out

"Three years, ten months, and eighteen days." You state

"Holy shit," Diego says slumping back into the couch

Five's heart dropped and the weight that he thought had left his shoulders came crashing back in full force. You were here for almost four years? He left you for years on end...again? Five looked down at the floor ashamed, he couldn't dare to look you in the eyes right now. He cursed at himself internally for making the exact same mistake that he did the first time but more so he promised himself to keep you safe and he failed. Even if you had already said you weren't mad for what happened and had forgiven him, Five couldn't forgive himself. He needed to make this up to you. He needed to get you home. As he struggled to cope with what he had done Diego asked,

"So how old are you now then?"

"I turned 22 on October 1st, 1963." You reply

"Which is funny because if you were born in 1989 then technically you're also negative 26 right now." Charlie chimes in

"Yes, I am 33, 22, and negative 26 all at the same time." You reply

"Weirdo." Charlie jabs

"Thank you."

"How does he know that? Your actual birthday." Diego questions

"Well, I ended up mentioning some things about the future to him. I was here for almost four years." You explain

"Which don't forget, you still owe me another fact about it." Charlie reminds

"Yeah, yeah you'll get it in time buckaroo." You wave off

"Wait, so I missed four of your birthdays?" Diego complains

Diego was upset with himself that he wasn't there for you when he should've been. Sensing his change in emotion you try to cheer him up by commenting,

"I'm sure you were doing something really important though!"

You watch as Diego's demeanor rapidly changes. Quickly he sits up from leaning back on the couch and looks towards you with a fire in his eyes. He must be passionate about something then. Leaning over the coffee table he looks between you and Charlie before proudly saying,

"I'm going to save President John F. Kennedy."

"JFK needs to be saved?" Charlie questions concerned

He's going to what? Save JFK? He had to be joking. You knew your brother still suffered from a hero complex but had it really gotten this bad after the apocalypse?

"Diego, you're joking, right? JFK's death is a part of history, you can't just change that!"

"JFK dies?!" Charlie exclaims shooting up from his chair

"Listen (Y/N), I know I can do it. I can save him."

"Get your head out of your ass Diego, he's supposed to get assassinated." Five adds snapping out of his trance

"HE GETS ASSASSINATED?!" Charlie yells "(Y/N) is this true?!"

You finally look over to your frantic friend, there was no way to put this lightly. A grimace appeared on your face as you pointed sad finger guns in Charlie's direction. Weakly you answer,

"...that's your fact from the future buddy..."

"NOOOOO!" Charlie yells before plopping back in his seat and mumbling "But I like JFK..."

You lean over and awkwardly pat your friend's back trying to comfort him. This was going to take some time for him though. As you tried your best to help Charlie, Diego and Five bickered over the plan to save JFK.

"You stay out of this Five. This is between me and my sister. I'm going to save the president, (Y/N) do you want in?"

"Diego, I love you but this plan is irrational."

"Thank you! Finally someone with a sense of reason!" Five exclaims "It's this behavior that got him thrown into a psych ward!"

"You were in a psych ward?" You ask

Diego tries to stutter out a reply to you but before he could say anything Five adds,

"Not only was he in a psych ward but he also decided to get with some overly suspicious crazy lady he met a few days ago in the psych ward."

Get with? What did Five mean get with? You really hoped it wasn't the meaning of "get with" that you were accustomed to. You could feel your blood boil a bit but you try to calm yourself down. Maybe this was all a misunderstanding. In a firm but steady voice, you ask,

"What do you mean get with?"

Five looks you dead in the eyes and in the most serious tone he deadpans his response,

"I mean exactly what you think I mean."

Your jaw drops and you look down at the ground in disbelief. You said no words but your face told the story of how you were feeling at this revelation. Anger, hurt, and disgust flooded your system because you could believe your brother's actions. Eighty days. He could get over a woman he loved for almost a decade in eighty days with some stranger he only met a few days ago. Wow. You whip your head to look at Diego and if looks could kill then he would already be dead with the one you were giving him.

"Did you forget Eudora?" You spat

"What?" Diego asks

"Have you an ounce of regret?" you chastise

Five and Charlie exchange a look with each other as they watch you yell angrily at your beloved brother, both knowing the reason why you would be so angered.

"(Y/N), I can explain-" Diego tries to start

You stand up from your seat and look down at your older brother. Your fists clenched tightly as you reprimanded him,

"Eighty days, huh? That's all it took to get over Eudora? You meet one psychotic harlot and that's it, no more Eudora?"

"I-" Diego tries to interject

"I what, Diego?" You rebuke

You took deep breaths to calm yourself but it was to no use. You began to shake as emotion overtook you. Tiny electric sparks started to fly off of you as your emotional buildup starts to seep out through your powers. Your voice wavered as you continued,

"I have been here for almost four years and I'm still not over her death. I loved her for five years. You loved her for over ten! You went on a tirade to get revenge for her death and yet you sit here now completely fine with throwing her away as if she was no one."

Charlie and Five look on at the scene before them but say no words. They both knew this was not something they should intervene in. Diego looks at you with a sorrowful look, water starting to well in his eyes mirroring yours. He opens his mouth but makes no sound. Summoning a knife you point it at your brother, your hand shaking vigorously as you hold it.

"I should kill you so you can confront her yourself and tell her what you've done." You choke out

You continue to point the knife in Diego's direction as you look him in the eye. You stare at him for a bit but then turn your head to look away from him. Stabbing your knife into the coffee table below you quietly say,

"I'm not going to though. I want you to live with the guilt of desecrating her memory."

You couldn't stand to look at your brother right now. You were disgusted at his actions. Walking away from the three of them you hear Diego stutter from behind,

"We-well if you're going to be m-m-mad at me then be m-mad at Five too."

You turn around and look back at the two Hargreeves boys.

"Oh really? Why is that?" You question harshly

"G-go on, t-tell her."

Five looks at you. He knew you were already upset, he didn't want to make it worse with the news that the apocalypse was happening again. You crossed your arms as sparks continued to fly off of you. Tilting your head slightly, you gave him a look as if to say "go on". Five knew that he had to tell you at some point so he might as well get it over with now. Carefully, he broached the topic, calmly stating,

"The apocalypse followed us here and we have six days to stop it."

The room was silent as you stared blankly at your brother and Five.

"What the fuck!" Charlie exclaims breaking the silence

"Couldn't have put it better myself." You reply bluntly

"(Y/N)-" Five tries to start

"No no no, if you're worried I'm upset at you Five, I'm not. Today has been...a day and I'm ready to stop experiencing this day." You explain calmly "We can talk tomorrow but for right now point me to where I can knock out for a few hours."

"Well, Elliott and Luther are shoved into the darkroom so you can take the bedroom. It's straight down the hall." Five replies

"Thank you. Charlie, you make the phone call, I'm going to bed. Five if you decide to sleep tonight, which I highly doubt given the circumstances and how fresh that pot of coffee smells, feel free to come join me and get eight hours of rest for once."

"Absolu-" Diego starts to exclaim

You turn your attention to him quickly and harshly question,

"I'm sorry but do you have a comment to make about my LOVING boyfriend who spent FORTY-FIVE years in a WASTELAND completely ALONE to try and get back to ME?"

Diego closes his mouth and looks away from you.

"That's what I thought," You state before adding "Goodnight."

With that, you turn around a headed down the hall towards the bedroom to fall asleep. Once you enter the room you kick off your heels and plopped down on the bed. You were too emotionally tired to search for any sort of pajamas so you stayed in your dress. As you sat down on the bed and started to process all that was said you couldn't help but get overwhelmed. Your whole existence had been flipped upside down in a matter of hours and it was just so much. Quietly, you let out tiny sobs unsure of any other way to cope.

The three boys had watched you walk away and once the door to the bedroom closes Charlie quietly gets up from his seat and heads over to the phone to make a call.

"Look what you did. Now she's mad at me." Diego complains to Five

"What I did? You were the one to go and get with that psycho." Five retorts annoyed

"You didn't have to tell (Y/N) and her name is Lila." Diego replies

"I don't care about her name and you shouldn't either. Also, I'm not going to lie to my girlfriend." Five complains standing up from the couch "Now if you need me I'm going to go get eight hours of sleep with my girlfriend."

Diego looks at Five angrily as he walks away and towards the bedroom. As Five walks through the kitchen he sees Charlie hanging up the phone.

"Charlie, you can take the couch for the night." Five states before turning to Diego "Diego get off it so he can sleep."

"You're the worst brother ever," Diego replies standing up and moving to one of the sofa chairs

"The feeling is mutual." Five replies

He then walks down the hall and quietly enters the bedroom. As he opens the door he can hear you quietly sniffling. Carefully, he approaches the side of the bed you were on and sits next to you. Gently, he strokes your hair as he asks,

"Are you okay, my love?"

"No." You quietly reply

"Is it because of Diego or the apocalypse?"

"It's- it's just a lot for one day..."

"I know darling." Five softly replies "And I'm sorry. I never wanted anything like this to happen."

The two of you sat on the bed silently and slowly you leaned over and rested your head on your boyfriend's shoulder. Five wrapped an arm around you and held you against him. He hated seeing you so upset. Five tried to think about a way to make you feel better, something to help ease the distress you were going through. An idea came to his head and he stood up from the bed. Turning to you he extending his hand for you to take it. You looked at him quizzically.

"What are you doing?" You asked

A boyish smile appears on his face as he answers,

"We didn't get a chance to dance at the consulate."

Your eyes start to dry and a smile reappears on your face as you take his hand. Standing up Five holds you against him as the two of you start to sway in the dark room with only the light of the moon to guide you. From outside you can hear the sound of a radio playing Elvis Presley's Can't Help Falling In Love and using your powers you open the bedroom window so the sound is clearer. You and Five locked eyes with each other and the world started to fade away. The apocalypse and all the other worries you two faced were irrelevant at this moment. Five slowly leaned his head down and pressed his lips against yours. Unlike the kiss when you reunited earlier, this one was soft and gentle rather than passionate and needy, but the emotion expressed in it was just as strong. This was all either of you needed, and just like the song, neither of you could help falling in love with the other. Parting from the kiss you rest your head on his chest and as you continue to say you can feel yourself getting tired. Five sensed it and asked,

"Tired love?"

You slowly nodded your head. Guiding you back to the bed, Five helped your tired self get in under the covers. Making his way to the other side of the bed he kicks off his shoes before removing his jacket, vest, and tie, laying them nicely on a nearby chair. As he approaches the bed you lift the covers up so he can slide in next to you. You roll towards him, wrapping your arms around his waist and placing your head on his chest. Five wraps his arms back around you and rests his head on top of yours. As he slowly runs his hand up and down your back he says,

"As long as we have each other everything will turn out fine."

You nod your head lightly and Five places a gentle kiss on the top of it. You had missed all of this more than words could express. The memory of being close to Five had started to fade over your years and you started to forget what it was like to hold your boyfriend, dance with him, and just exist with him. But getting to share this with him once more you knew that there was no need to worry because he wouldn't leave your side. Closing your eyes, you start to listen to the beating of Five's heart, and soon enough you managed to fall asleep. Five watched as you slept holding you tight against him. He was worried he'd lose you again if he let go even for a second. You were so resilient, finding your way in a new world after he had dropped you in it a second time, and yet you still found it in your heart to love him. Five didn't know what he did to deserve you, what he did to get to call you his one and only, but he was going to stop this apocalypse no matter what and he was going to make it up to you for leaving you here so long.

The night went on and Five closed his eyes but when he opened them again light was peering through the blinds of the bedroom. It was morning. He had actually slept. Outside the bedroom, he could hear the sounds of chatter in the kitchen. He blinked a few times trying to get the feeling of sleep to go away to no avail. He needed a coffee but you were still peacefully sleeping on top of him and he didn't want to wake you. He smiled at the sight of you. The rays of sunshine lit up your messy hair giving you a radiant glow. A wave of feeling came over Five and compelled him to kiss you and so just like the night before he placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head. And just like Sleeping Beauty, you started to wake at the feeling of a kiss from your one true love. You let out a yawn as your eyes flutter open halfway. The world was still a blur but you could tell from the amount of light that it was day.

"It's morning," you slur still half asleep

Five chuckles to himself at your groggy response. Adorable. He looks at your tired face and replies,

"Yes, it is. Good morning,"

You did not want to deal with all the revelations from the night before nor did you want to deal with whatever else the world was going to throw at you given that it was being flipped on its head again. You nuzzled your face deeper into Five's chest and you stated muffled,

"I don't want to get up,"

"Neither do I, but if you recall there is an apocalypse to stop."

"Can't we deal with it tomorrow?" you ask

"Unfortunately, that's not really an option."

You let out a huff. Maybe if you refused to get up he would just willingly stay. That was not the case though because Five sat up from laying in bed and looked down towards you. If the impending apocalypse wasn't occurring he'd happily stay with you all morning but the world was going to end and he needed to stop it. You look back up towards him with a grumpy look on your face that your plan didn't work.

"I'm going to get up so I can start figuring out a new plan, but you feel free to stay here as long as you like. Okay?" Five explains calmly

"Okay..." You mumble

Five takes your hand and brings it up to his lips placing a soft kiss on the top of it. Pulling away he looks at you once more, his thumb gently running back and forth across your knuckles.

"I'm going to go now but you come and join whenever you want."

You nod your head and with that Five gets up and puts on his vest, tie, jacket, and shoes. He heads to the door and walks out closing it behind him but not before giving you one last smile. You lay in bed for a few minutes but without Five with you, there was no reason to stay. You get up from the bed and look in the mirror in the corner of the room. Fixing your hair and flattening out your dress you decide to leave the room and walk out to the chattering of the others who were awake. You saw Luther standing by the stove, Five leaned up against a counter, Charlie sitting at the kitchen table and Diego pacing back and forth. You walk past Diego and sit down on the other chair at the kitchen table.

"No, no, no, I don't understand. They keep following me." Diego says, a scowl on his face

"What are they talking about?" You ask Charlie

"I don't know. I've been staring at the number of eggs that Luther has been cooking." Charlie replies

As you look over and see a mountain of scrambled eggs Luther asks,

"Wait, who?"

"Those Dutch sociopaths." Diego states

"They're Swedish, you idiot." Five comments "Hired guns paid to eradicate us before we do any more damage to this timeline."

"Oh. No wonder those guys said she's one of them when I fought them at the consulate. I'm one of the people they want dead." You mention aloud

"You fought them?" Diego and Five ask simultaneously

"Uh, Yeah." You reply bluntly

"We're going to discuss that later," Diego says before turning to Five "Why now? I mean, I'm fine for three months until you showed up."

"Yeah, I was here for a year and no one messed with me." Luther comments

"I had almost four years with no problems." You add

After you finish your statement another man walks into the room. He looks around at the people there before looking towards you and Charlie. Pointing at you two he says,

"I've seen you before."

Diego, Luther, and Five all look towards you confused.

"Oh yeah, four days ago I paid you a hundred dollars so we could. use your phone to make calls."

"You also threatened to gouge his eyes out if he didn't" Charlie adds

"You what?" Luther asks

Ignoring him you reply to Charlie,

"He tried shutting the door on my face and we needed a phone, I had no choice in the matter."

"Sure..." Charlie says sarcastically

"That's true but I feel like I've seen you somewhere else." The man says

Without another word, he walks out of the kitchen and into the living room. Odd. Diego then turns to Five and angrily says,

"I still don't understand how all of can be fine until you show up."

"Listen, even if it was my fault, which it isn't, we only have six days before the end of the world" Five explains "And the closest anyone's gotten to Dad was that driveway at the consulate."

Well...that wasn't exactly true but you weren't going to say anything. This wasn't the time. You think. As you decided to keep quiet you could feel someone looking at you. You look over at Charlie and see him staring at you intently. You knew what he was thinking in his head but you were not going to acknowledge him on it. Instead, you looked away, back towards the conversation at hand.

"Well...That's not exactly true." Luther says looking up from his eggs

"What do you mean?" Five then asks

"I saw him." Luther states

You and the rest of the group look on intrigued as Luther details the events of him seeing Reginald in person. The more he detailed the story though the more you came to a realization. That was your birthday party a year ago. How did you not see him or run into him? Your eyes then go wide as you realize something one more. You look over to Charlie who looks like he's going through the same realization. In sync you both whisper,

"The hobo."

Charlie gets up from his seat and makes his way over to the doorway to the living room. You follow after him and stand close by. The two of you stay facing forward pretending that you are still listening. Slowly as not to cause suspicion, Charlie leans over to you and whispers,

"You need to tell them."

"I'm not telling them shit." You whisper back

"(Y/N) they need to know!" Charlie whispers more aggressively

"This is not the time!" You whisper aggressively back

You and Charlie continue to whisper fight with each other catching the attention of the Hargreeves boys. They look on in confusion trying to figure out what you two were saying. As the two of you continued to quietly bicker, Elliott exclaimed,

"I remember where I know you from! You're Reginald Hargreeves adoptive daughter!"

You immediately retch at his words. You hated people calling you that, being his daughter is the last thing you wanted to be. The Hargreeves boys stare at you with the jaws dropped. They weren't sure if they heard Elliott correctly.

"Elliott, what do you mean Reginald Hargreeves, daughter?" Diego questions

"Well just look at the newspaper," Elliot says holding out the paper for Diego to take

Diego snatches the paper from his hands as Luther and Five move closer to look at it. The three of them look at the giant front-page photo of you smiling, surrounded by a group of people, as you stand between their dad and Grace. The three of them then proceed to read the front-page headline: Blasting America Upward: NASA Reveals Billionaire Reginald Hargreeves' Adoptive Daughter as Originator of Primate Rocket Test Trial Concept

"Elliott, why do you have this?" Five asks

"I kept it because the front-page photo includes Majestic Twelve member Michael Anderson," Elliott explains

"Ew, imagine wanting to keep a photo of my dad." Charlie comments annoyed

"HE'S YOUR DAD?!" Elliott exclaims

"Yeah, regrettably." Charlie replies "I'm Charlie Anderson. His son."

"Oh wow! A Majestic 12 member's son is in MY apartment! I have so many questions!" Elliott excitedly bursts

Elliott takes Charlie by the arm and pulls him over to his desk full of papers and news clippings leaving you to deal with the fallout of the revelation.

"We're you even going to tell us this?" Five asks quietly

"I don't know...Maybe? I wouldn't know where to start..." You try to explain

"Well start explaining then." Diego commands

"Yeah! Why does this say you're his adoptive daughter!" Luther questions angrily

"First of all, I'm not his adoptive daughter. The public always gets that wrong. The only thing I am is the heir to his estate, legally I am not his child nor would I ever choose to be. All of this happened by accident!" You exclaim

"What do you mean by accident?" Five inquires

You start to pace around and make wild gestures with your hands as you try to find the words to explain the circumstances. Everything was really just a series of events. Trying your best you start to ramble to them about what's happened.

"When I was dropped in the alley I passed out, went into a coma for seven days, woke up in the hospital and the first person I saw was Mom. She found me in the alley and constantly visited me while I was in the hospital. After I was released she took me in. We went to some meeting and met Reginald and some of his colleagues. I presented the idea to send a primate into space and everyone agreed with it."

"Pogo," Diego said

"Yeah, Pogo. And then Mom and Reginald started working together, unfortunately, started dating, Mom alone legally adopted, and then we moved in with Reginald and I became a public figure. Literally, everything has been by chance! Hell, even meeting Charlie was by chance!"

"That's true," Charlie comments trying to get away from Elliott

"Wait..." Diego interjects "You were in a coma for seven days?"

"Were you in pain?" Five asks concerned

"Guys, that's not what matters right now!" Luther exclaims

"Of course it matters! She was in a coma!" Five reprimands him

"She was in a coma FOUR YEARS AGO!"

"No Luther, this is important." Diego retorts "So you're okay?"

"I'm here aren't I?" You reply to Diego before turning to Five and saying "Don't worry I wasn't in pain."

"So that's why you were at the consulate yesterday. You attended with him." Five comments

"And mom," Diego adds

"Yup. I was forced to go because Reginald, Mom, and I are apparently an influential unit." You respond

"That man will say anything but the word family." Charlie jokes as he walks over to you, finally escaping Elliott

"Oh, so you've just been galavanting about with our mom and dad while you've been here, huh? That's what you've been doing." Luther accuses

"Luther, who cares what she was doing? That's not what matters. We need to get to dad because he knows something about time travel." Five ridicules

Luther rolls his eyes and lets out a huff before heading back to the kitchen table and plopping down in one of the seats. Grabbing his fork he starts to shovel eggs into his mouth. Elliott approaches the kitchen and asks Five,

"Wait, why don't you just do your thing and, uh, time travel us out?"

Five lets out a huff before walking over to refill his cup with coffee.

"Anyone care to explain?" Five asks annoyed

"First time he tried, he got lost in the apocalypse." Luther states

A pout comes upon Diego's face as he crosses his arms. Angrily mumbling, Diego adds,

"Second time, he regressed in age and started dating my sister,"

You look over at your brother. He was making it sound like the consequence of Five's time-traveling was not his physical age getting messed up but rather the fact that he started dating you. Unsurprising yet still unbelievable. "Last time I tried, I scattered my family, and lovely girlfriend over there, across three years in Dallas, Texas, possibly triggering a doomsday." Five explains

"Damn when you said he fucked up, I didn't think you meant he fucked up fucked up." Charlie leans over and mentions to you

"Charlie," you reprimand lightly, hitting his arm "That's my boyfriend, be a bit more sensitive."

"You said it first."

"I was summarizing..."

Unaware of the conversation you were having with Charlie, Five turns to Elliott. His signature know-it-all look on his face as he asks,

"Any more questions, Elliott?" "Uh, no." Elliott replies

"You're missing the big picture Dad is the ringleader of a sinister cabal that's planning to kill the president." Diego exclaims

Dear God, when was he going to give up on this whole save JFK deal? You knew the answer to that question. It was never. He had to save JFK or JFK had to die for this to be done. You had no clue why he was making these connections though. Granted you didn't associate with Reggie outside of what was necessary but you never got an indication that he was part of a cabal. Sure he had government ties but...a cabal seemed like a stretch to you. You knew wickedness resided inside of him but he would never assassinate the president, especially since Grace admired JFK so much. Would he? "A cabal?" Luther questions, his mouth still full of eggs

"Ignore him, Luther. Look, the way I see it, we only have one option." Five states to the group

"Oh, yeah? And what's that?" Luther questions "It's time to get the Umbrella Academy back together." Five replies "Hell, yeah. Family meeting." Diego says "Okay then, can one of you get Allison, please?" Luther asks "You two still a thing?" Diego inquires

Luther just looks at him without responding. Knowing something was up Diego leans in closer and quietly asks,

"Do we need to talk?"

"No, she's married." Luther replies upset "Whoa. Dude, that's rough." Diego responds "I can handle it." Luther lies "I'll get her. Can you get Vanya without, uh, squeezing her to death?" Five requests "I'll try." Luther retorts

Five starts to walk away and towards the stairs leading down to the ground floor of the building. You turn to Charlie and say,

"I'll be right back."

As you walk away you can see Elliott approaching Charlie out of your peripheral and from behind you, you hear Charlie call,

"(Y/N)!"

You kept moving on though and follow Five down the stairs to the front entrance. When you get to the front door Five stops and turns around to face you.

"Are you coming with me?" He questions, a smile on his face

You were thinking about it but then you heard from upstairs,

"Please stop asking me about my dad! I don't like him!"

You watch as Charlie tries to speed walk away from Elliott upstairs.

"Please I just want to know about him!" Elliott says following him

"I think I'm going to stay to keep Elliott at bay and Charlie from jumping out a window." You reply to Five

"That's reasonable."

"You'll be back soon?" You ask

"As quick as can be mon chérie." Five says before placing a quick peck on your cheek

He pulls back and you give him a smile which he returns before flashing away. Turning around you head back upstairs. Luther had left through the back entrance to go get Vanya so all that was left was Diego, Elliott, you, and Charlie. Elliott continued to push Charlie to talk about his dad and you could tell Charlie was getting frustrated. His dad was the last person he'd want to talk about, especially unwillingly.

"Please I've never even gotten close to anyone whose parent is high up in the majestic 12 before just tell me something!" Elliott begs

You watch as Charlie stops in place and turns on his heel to face Elliott and looks him dead in the eyes. Charlie's face was red and his expression was less than enthused. You hear as Charlie takes a deep breath in before bursting,

"You want to know about my dad? You really want to know? He's an awful person. Never loved me, never loved my mom, he only ever loved himself. Everything he does is for personal gain and status. He could care less about anything that requires emotional labor and has done the barest of bare minimum as a parent. He's an awful man, I want him to die soon and god do I hope he rots in hell once he does. Is that enough for you?"

Elliott nods his head and from the kitchen Diego comments,

"Amen, right there with you bro!"

Charlie walks off to the couch and quietly sits down on it. You knew he was upset, he hated his dad as much as the Hargreeves hated theirs. You had no clue what it was like to despise your father but you did know what it was like to despise theirs. Walking behind the couch you stood directly behind Charlie because you knew there was one way to cheer him up immediately. Extending your arm out above his head you reach your hand out flat before proceeding to aggressively pat him on the head. At first, he tries swatting you away but in time he starts laughing. When you can tell he's all better you stop and he looks up at you.

"So a family meeting, huh?" Charlie says

"Yup. You'll finally get to meet everyone in the flesh." You reply walking around to the front of the couch

"How well do you think it's going to go?" Charlie questions

"About as well as me and Diego talking last night. Probably worse." You reply bluntly as you sit next to him

Charlie gives a small nod of his head. He had this look on his face and you knew he was contemplating saying something.

"Just say it." you command

"What?"

"You're thinking about something, so just say it."

"You can't stay mad at Diego forever. He's your brother." Charlie comments

"I will do what I must." You reply crossing your arms

"You will try." He responds

You stand up and start to pace back and forth in front of the couch. Charlie knew you better than this there was something deeper than just being mad at Diego for meeting someone else. He agreed with all the points you had made before but he could just feel something was missing from your reasoning. As you pace around you complain

"It just doesn't make sense! He knew Eudora for a decade. That's approximately 3650 days plus two leap years so 3652. He knew this floozy for four. You know how much 4 is of 3652?"

"How much?" Charlie asks unenthused

"0.001 percent. It's a fraction of a fraction of A FRACTION!" You exclaim angrily

"Okay, so what's the real issue." Charlie questions

You look at him with a mix of anger and surprise.

"How dare you- I- uh-" You try to respond

You shut your mouth when you realize no response would come. He was right. That wasn't quite the real issue, it was part of it but it wasn't the root cause. You let out a sigh and look down at the ground. There was a far off look in your eyes as you sat on the coffee table across from Charlie. You thought about why you were truly upset, what was really making you tick and it hurt you to think about. You looked up at Charlie as you tried to hold a few tears back. Your voice wavered as you softly spoke,

"Besides my Mom, he and Eudora were the closest things I had to parents after I lost mine...We were a family...and it feels like he's throwing all of that away..."

"And you're losing your family to a stranger." Charlie adds

You nod your head lightly. Charlie stands up and reaches his hand out lightly patting your head. A small smile comes to your face and you look up towards your friend.

"How about we go for a short walk? Clear your head before everyone gets here. You know someone is going to mention you've been living with Reggie, so might as well get in the headspace for whatever reactions might occur." Charlie suggests

You nod your head once more and the two of you head downstairs to get some air before everyone else showed up. As you walked away Diego peeked his head around the doorframe and watched you leave, his face streaked with a few stray tears. In your fit of anger, you had forgotten that Diego was still at the apartment. He had heard what you had said and between last night and now he couldn't help but feel disappointed in himself. He still had complicated feelings in terms of Lila but he needed to figure them out because they really weren't worth you feeling like you were losing him to someone who had barely been around. He knew how awful that feeling was. Diego dried his eyes and put on a strong face as he heard Luther arrive back with Vanya.

Time passed and Five had arrived back with Klaus and Allison. It took forever to get them to come along though since they were both relentlessly drunk. As Five entered the building with his inebriated siblings he saw the other three up on the balcony above. As the sun shined in the room the six living Hargreeves all looked at each other. Breaking the silence, Klaus pulls off his glasses and comments,

"Oh, wow. I know this is impossible, but...did we all get sexier?"

Allison looks up at the balcony above. There stood Vanya in the flesh. She hadn't seen her since the night of the apocalypse. Her voice wavered and she said, "Vanya."

Vanya looked back down at Allison. Pure joy radiated off of her as she excitedly replied, "I can't believe I have a sister."

Vanya makes her way down the stairs towards where the rest of the group is and Luther and Diego follow suit. When Vanya gets to the main floor she stands in front of Allison. The two of them look at each other for a bit before Allison quietly states, "I missed you." "Thank God someone did. " Vanya responds

The two of them stand awkwardly for a second before opening their arms and enveloping each other. The two sisters happily reunited. Klaus attempts to hug Diego but Diego extends his arm keeping him at a distance.

"Oh, you are drunk." Diego states "Yeah. No, just a little... just a few..." Klaus says before noticing the hug going on "Oh, that's so sweet." Slowly Klaus walks over to his sisters and wraps his arms around them.

"Hi" Vanya softly says

"Hey, Vanny." Klaus greets placing a kiss to the top of her head

Five looked around and noticed that you were nowhere to be found. He was about to start asking questions when he heard the door to the building open and the sound of your voice speaking behind him.

"And so that's how I snuck me and my friends into a 21+ club at 16 years old." you explain to Charlie, unaware of the others in the room

"You what?!" Diego exclaims

Your attention snaps to the room filled with Hargreeves. You look around to see Vanya, Allison, and Klaus standing all together on the left side of the room while Luther, Diego, and Five stand on the right side. You then did a double-take as you noticed one more Hargreeves sitting in the corner on an old TV display. Ben. Something was off about seeing him this time but still, you smiled at him and he happily waved back. Turning your attention back to the living group you attempt to divert the topic by saying,

"Hey everyone! Long time, no see!"

"Hey (Y/N)! It's nice to see you again!" Klaus says buying into the diversion

Diego shoots you an upset look that only a protective older brother would give and you shrug your shoulders back. You see Vanya looking at you quizzically. She then asks,

"Are you my sister too?"

You now look back confused. Vanya knew you two weren't related so why was she asking that?

"She has amnesia." Five informs

"Oh." You express before turning to Vanya "No, I'm not related to you. Diego sees me as his little sister but I'm not a Hargreeves."

"Just because you weren't adopted by our dad doesn't mean you're not a Hargreeves. You're family." Ben comments from behind you

You smile at his comment. Five then proceeds to ask,

"Klaus. Is Ben here?" "Oh, uh... no." Klaus fumbles out before lying "No, unfortunately, ghosts can't time travel."

"What?" You say to yourself, a confused look on your face "Are you kidding me?" Ben exclaims annoyed

Seeing that this was going to be everyone, Five decides to move forward with the meeting and states, "All right, then. Let's get down to business."

Everyone starts to make their way upstairs and finds somewhere to sit or stand in the living room. Once everyone is settled Five takes the charge of starting to meeting and says,

"All right. First off, I wanna say I'm sorry. I know I really screwed the pooch on this whole going-back-in-time-and-getting-stuck thing. But the real kick in the pants here is we brought the end of the world back here with us." "Oh, my God, again?" Klaus exclaims as he grabs himself a drink

He looks around at the group and everyone looks back. He didn't know already? Realizing that he was out of the loop Klaus continues,

"All of you knew? Why am I always the last one to find out about the end of the...Oh, my God. My cult is gonna be so pissed. Five! I told them we had until 2019." "We have until Monday. We have six days." Five states "Is it Vanya?" Klaus asks "Klaus." Allison chastises

"What? It's usually Vanya." Klaus retorts "Do you have any leads, Five?" Vanya questions "Yeah, we have one." Five says taking a file from Diego

Five hands the file to Allison and she opens it to see a photo paperclipped to the inside. Her eyes go wide with shock as she comments, "Holy shit, is that Dad?"

"Yeah." Diego replies "That's him?" Vanya inquires

"Standing on the grassy knoll." Diego informs "Diego and I have been trying to talk to Dad about what exactly this means. So far, we've got nothing." Five explains

"Not nothing. He's planning to kill Kennedy." Diego retorts

"Maybe. But we don't know who or what sets doomsday in motion. Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely independent. But if we know something changes the timeline, we have to make it right." Five corrects "Yeah, but how are we supposed to fix it if we don't know what's broken?" Allison asks "Come on. Do the math. We know Dad's having shady-ass meetings with some shady-ass people. We know he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president. So I think we all know what we have to do." Diego describes getting up from his chair "Talk to Dad." Five states

"Kill Dad." Diego says at the same time

Five looks back at Diego and shoots him a look while the others look around in confusion. Even Ben was puzzled by what was going on. He looks your way and you shrug your shoulders mouthing I don't know to him. "None of us are supposed to be here, right? I mean, what if it's us? Has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?" Vanya wonders

Everyone is silent for a second looking at each other with wide eyes. It seems like no one is going to say anything until Luther chimes in, "Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald."

"And you're working for Jack Ruby." Diego yells back "Allison has been very involved in local politics." Klaus slips into the conversation "Okay, you started a cult." Allison retorts

"Thank you!" Ben exclaims finally getting support "I'm... I'm just a... a nanny on a farm. I don't have anything to do with all of that." Vanya stutter "Well, maybe you do, we just don't know it yet." Allison comments back

Diego whistles loudly grabbing everyone's attention. With all eyes on him, he explains, "Listen to yourselves. Everything in our new lives is connected to Kennedy. That can't be a coincidence. Luther works for Ruby, Allison is protesting the government, Dad is on the grassy knoll, (Y/N) has been living with him for 3 years, Klaus is...doing something weird and pervy but probably related. See, clearly, we were all sent back here for one special reason: saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy."

"I'm sorry go back a second. (Y/N) has been living with him?" Allison asks

"If it makes it any better it was completely by accident. A series of unfortunate events." You explain

"Lemon Snickers," Charlie says to himself

"So close buddy. Good try." You reply patting his arm Everyone looks around for a second before starting to argue again with each other. Their voices becoming a cacophony of sound. You and Charlie look on at the mess that is a Hargreeves get together.

"You were right, this is worse than last night." Charlie admits

"Yeah, I told you."

From across the room, Five listens to the sound of his siblings arguing blending together. The loud mixture of noise sent him back into his memories. The awful future of if they don't stop this doomsday. He remembered the fire and destruction. The ash in the air and the bodies on the ground. A bloody mess in the exact same street just outside the building. And his siblings eviscerated by nuclear weapons, reduced to nothing. While everyone continued to argue you saw Five slipping into the recesses of his memory. Walking over to him you pull his hand out of his pocket and take it in yours. Five shakes his head slightly and looks at you after fully coming back to reality. He holds your hand a bit tighter before turning back to his siblings.

"Guys, you all die." Five states, his voice wavering as he spoke

You squeezed his hand, reassuring him that you were there for him. Taking a breath he hesitantly continues,

"I was there. I saw it. And I wanna forget it, but I can't. I saw Russian nukes vaporize the world with all of you in it...in a war that never happened until we brought it here. And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need to shut up and just listen to me. I don't know if the things we've experienced here are all connected. I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But Dad will. We need to talk to him before everyone and everything we know is dead."

Five finishes his thoughts and without a second to pause Luther gets up from his seat and says, "Okay, I'm out." "Did you even hear me, Luther?" Five criticizes "Yeah, I did. I heard a 58-year-old man who still wants his daddy to come and fix everything. Why don't you get your girlfriend to help you out. She's his favorite after all." Luther ridicules

Luther starts to walk away but you could feel your blood boil. Five had been through 45 years of one apocalypse, saved all of you from dying when you were unable to stop it and now was pleading with his siblings to help him stop this new one and Luther was just going to walk out? Unable to contain your anger you shout,

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Everyone turns to look at you, Luther included.

"Minus Vanya we all agreed to travel back in time. We took a gamble to save our lives, ended up here and now we're facing a doomsday. That's the facts of the matter, we fucked up by being here and now we need to stop it and get out. If Five thinks that your dad can help us then we should listen."

"Well, you can still count me out. It's time we all grew the hell up and I'm sure you can run on home to dad and fix it Number Zero." Luther mocks

"You know you're being a real prick Luther! For someone who wants us all to grow up, it's childish of you to still be mad that my number is above yours. A number I didn't want in the FUCKING FIRST PLACE!" You rebuke

Luther shakes his head before stating,

"I'm out of here." "Luther!" Vanya exclaims

"Come back." Allison begs

Diego gets up from his seat and starts following Luther down the stairs. You watch as Luther walks away. Maybe it was better without him here.

"Where are you going?"

"Save it, Diego," Luther says

Letting go of your hand Five spacial jumps down the stairs and in front of Luther. Looking him in his eyes Five commands, "No one leaves until we figure this out."

Luther stares at Five for a second before grabbing him by the shirt and tossing him over the railing. Spacial jumping once more so he didn't hit the ground Five lands outside in the alleyway. Straightening out his uniform he looks back towards the building and asks himself, "Jeez...When did the monkey learn how to fight dirty?"

Five starts walking back to the door to enter the building but hears a clatter coming from the roof above. Looking up he sees Lila standing there. Speaking the only words that come to his mind he comments, "Son of a bitch."

Link to Side Story Here: The Tattoo - “A Family Reunion” Side Story ________________________________

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jimlingss · 4 years

Text

The Art of Benefits

➜ Words: 9.8k

➜ Genres: 50% Fluff, 50% Smut, FWB!AU

➜ Summary: There's only one aspect of your life that's missing: sex. But you know yourself. You catch feelings as quickly as you catch colds. But when your friend arranges a meeting with a certain Park Jimin, you'll become inclined to learn the craft of detachment, aka. the art of benefits.

➜ Warning: sex, sexual discussions, toys, sucking dick, period sex, etc.

cr.

[2nd Year Fall Semester] Life as a sophomore wasn’t shabby. Assignments, papers and midterms came and went with decent grades that you eventually forgot about. Lectures, club meetings, and studying took most of your time too. But Christmas was arriving and that meant it was sweater weather. It also meant that snow was dusting from the sky and you were watching couples cozying up and keeping each other warm from across the dining center. It was unfair really. You were cold too. In fact, most of the time you happen to be cold. And while relationships were too much of a time commitment for you to take on, you deserved a cuddle buddy just as much as the next person. Or a fuck buddy. Either works really. You’ve never been opposed to a friends with benefits relationship. The only problem is, it would never work for you. But if you somehow learnt to detach your emotions, it could be the most efficient thing yet. After all, good sex with another warm body was the only aspect in your life that you were missing. “I mean it’s possible. A lot of people start friends with benefits relationships on campus,” Wendy says as she stuffs her face with her sub sandwich and muses mid-chew, “There’s actually a lot of candidates to choose from.” You’re exasperated at her nonchalance. As if it’s as easy as going to the supermarket and picking someone up. “Who?!” You need someone who would be on the same page as you, with the same priorities, a good sex partner who wouldn’t catch feelings either. But frankly, you don’t know that many people. “Well, what about that guy from your class that you were crushing on? Didn’t you say he was super smart? Might help you on your assignments too.” “Namjoon?” You shake your head. “He’s got a girlfriend.” “Okay. What about that older guy in your board games club?” “No. Seokjin’s graduating next semester.” Wendy hums, eyes flickering around the dining hall center as she contemplates. “How about Yoongi? From what you’ve told me, he seems pretty cool.” You loll your head to one side and stab your sweet and sour chicken. “I’m not going to sleep with someone from work. That sounds like a disaster waiting.” “Jungkook?” “That’s weird. We went to the same elementary school together.” You can still remember his bowl cut hair as clear as day, and not to mention, the two of you share a group of friends. If things go downhill, it would be a complete mess. The epitome of inefficiency. Which is counterproductive to your goal. “Taehyung?” At this point, Wendy’s just listing out random people that you know, but you play along just for amusement. “Nah. Yena has a crush on him.” She takes another clean bite of her sandwich. “What about that guy that works at that McDonalds that you find cute. What’s his name? Hugo? Howard?” “Hoseok,” you correct with a feigned glare that makes her smile. “And that’s a big fat no. He doesn’t even know I exist. What am I supposed to do? Waltz up to him and ask to be fuck buddies?” She grins. “Well, I mean—” “It wouldn’t work,” you deadpan before she laughs and in turn, makes you giggle too. The chatter of the room settles in your ears as background noise. You gaze out the window to the sparkling snow piles that reflect the lampposts soft, white light. The sun has long fallen even though it’s only six p.m. The low lights peeking through the somber clouds covering the horizon does little. You dread the thought of having to venture out into the cold and catch the bus home. You don’t notice how Wendy’s looking at you while she sips on her water. Not until she hums. “You know what? I know someone I could hook you up with.” Your brow cocks and the corner of your mouth twitches. “Is he a fuckboy?” Your long time friend shrugs with a glint in her eyes that makes you unsure if she’s serious or not. Wendy once joked that she had a boyfriend from Northern Canada and convinced you hard enough that you legitimately believed her for a good month. So you can never be quite certain when it comes to her. For all you know, she could just be making it up to entertain you. “Sort of, but he’s a nice one.” Wendy stays vague. “He was my lab partner.” You stare at her and when her expression remains blank, you scoff. “Sure, sure,” you draw out the syllables with a small laugh and bat the air with your hand just to end the conversation. And when it’s never discussed again, Wendy moving on to tell you a story about something she suddenly remembers, you’d one day come to realize that was a terrible, terrible mistake. // That one day is now. 3:50pm. Wendy: hey i set up a meeting what that guy 3:50pm. Wendy: third floor library 3:50pm. Wendy: he’s in a red hat btw The text comes right when you’re leaving your last lecture of the day. 3:51pm. Y/N: what guy 3:53pm. Wendy: your future fwb 3:53pm. Y/N: ?????????????????????????????????/ 3:53pm. Y/N: ???????????????? 3:54pm. Y/N: wtf i wasn’t SERIOUS 3:54pm. Wendy: wat 3:54pm. Y/N: I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING 3:56pm. Wendy: lmao too late 3:56pm. Wendy: at least meet him he’s waiting sis 3:54pm. Y/N: can’t you cancel????????? 3:57pm. Wendy: n a h You nearly burst an artery in your temple at the emojis and memes she spams to you. 3:59pm. Wendy: I already told him the gist btw 4:00pm. Wendy: don’t chicken out With no other choice, you make a u-turn and head towards the library with too many thoughts swirling inside your brain. Chances are this stranger is going to see you, think you’re ugly as shit and try to back out of it. It’s going to be awkward as all hell and you’re not sure you’re ready to have this traumatizing memory for the rest of your life. Then again, you wonder how Wendy even convinced this dude to meet up. If he’s really that easy going. If this is a typical thing people do now. Or maybe Wendy showed a picture of you on your insta and he agreed afterwards — it wouldn’t be the first time she did that, much to your embarrassment. But you hope it’s the latter case. At least that eliminates the possibility of him trying to backpedal his way out of it after seeing your face. You also wonder how the hell you’re going to find him. The library is full of students, the rowdy ones and the studious ones being disturbed by them. You wonder what he looks like, what he’ll be like. Third floor. Male. Red hat. You arrive at the appropriate floor and begin scanning the premise, walking around as your eyes sweep the area. Almost immediately you catch a brunette hunched over and on his phone by the table. He’s wearing a red cap on backwards, purple tee shirt. He has a frat boy aesthetic. Not really the type you go for. Looking over him, you round the computers, bookshelves and tables. But finding no one else with a red hat on the third floor, you sharply inhale and approach the boy with his fluffy cheek rested in his hand, arm propped up on the table lazily. Scrolling through his phone. “Excuse me.” Your voice is light and hesitant as if you were asking help from someone at the front desk and not seeing if this was a potential fuck buddy. It’s mortifying to say the least. His head lifts, brown eyes catching the lights. You clear your throat. “Wendy…” “Oh. You’re her, right?” He smiles and thankfully, doesn’t seem to be disappointed. “Wendy’s friend?” “Yeah. I’m Y/N.” “Jimin.” Now that you get a closer look, he’s kind of cute. But you don’t dwell. Or look him in the eye. It feels like a job interview. But worse. “You were Wendy’s lab partner?” “That’s me.” He pockets his phone. “I’m a kines major. You?” “I’m in the arts faculty. Political science.” “Cool, cool.” Jimin nods and then gets to business without any shame, “So Wendy already told me about it. You’re looking to have a friends with benefits relationship?” “Yeah….about that….” “I’m down if you are.” His hand opens up, gesturing to you. You’re not sure how you feel about how laid-back he is, but he remains upfront which you suppose is the right thing to do. “I have a dorm room in the Sierra building by the engineering faculty building if you know where that is.” “I’ve walked past it before.” “Cool. Anyway, my last f.w.b. ended two months ago and I kind of miss it,” he quickly clarifies, “The sex, I mean.” You’re speechless and contemplating if you really want to do this. You know if it works out, it’ll be fairly efficient. You’ve always gotten off by yourself and while it works, it’s not something you’d call completely satisfying. Having someone’s help— good help — is a change you’ve been considering. But a friends with benefits situation has always been one of those ‘what if’ scenarios. You've just never had an opportunity like this to make it actually happen. Jimin senses your hesitance and leans forward. He lowers his volume. “Are you a virgin? Cause I’m cool with—” You scoff. “No. I’m not. I just...haven’t done something like this before.” “Friends with benefits?” His question is answered by your body language. “It’s not bad. Safer than one night stands and more consistent too. You don’t have to go out and find someone every time you want to have sex. And it’s a low level commitment.” The corner of your mouth pulls and you agree. “It’s efficient. But...I need time to think about it.” “Sure. Tell me when you make up your mind. I’ll give you my number.” He opens his hand again and you pass him your phone. He quickly types it in. “Take your time.” // And you do. You weigh the pros and cons against each other, considering every possibility and all the consequences. Part of you wants to just go for it. The same part that once decided in high school at midnight that bangs would be a hot look on you. (It wasn’t). The part of you that dyed your hair blue that one summer on a whim. The part that doesn’t want to think and wants to jump head first into things. Jimin made a lot of good pointers too and you’re certain this would be a good outlet. An experience. It helps that he’s quite attractive too and seems to be trustworthy and rational. Yet, part of you wonders if it would be a bad decision. There’s a chance that you might catch feelings. For you, it wouldn’t be unheard of either. You have a tendency to catch feelings as fast as you catch colds. And you already know that’s the demise of these kinds of relationships. Once a party gets involved too deep, it’s game over. There’s nothing but heartbreak. The only way it would work is if you minimize your interactions with him. The less attached you are, the less likely you are to develop feelings for him since the only way you would like anyone is if you knew them. So the less you know, the better the outcome. It’s an equation. It’s the art of the benefits. And if that works, if you master the art, it would solve every potential issue. The dorms for sophomores are bigger than the ones for first year freshmen. Instead of a single room with two beds on either side by the walls, there are private bedrooms with just a shared bathroom, a main living space and kitchen. “Bathrooms are over here,” Jimin gestures. There’s one room at the end of the hall and another one beside his. “Both my roommates are out, so you don’t have to worry. They’re pretty nice.” You feel awkward lingering at the entryway with your backpack on. You clear your throat. “Can I get a drink?” “Oh yeah. There’s new water bottles by the sink, I think, and there’s orange juice in the fridge if you’d like.” “No, I mean, do you have anything alcoholic?” you correct and he blinks at you owlishly before smiling. You drop your bag and find it in the fridge, a whole vodka bottle. You fill a shot up with a glass on the drying rack. The clear liquid burns as it travels to the back of your throat. The bitter taste nearly makes you gag, but you feel your face warm and you ease even more, knowing it works. In the meanwhile, Jimin studies you, standing from across the kitchen island. His hands are casually dug into the pockets of his gray sweats. “We won’t have to follow through with this, you know. I’m fine either way.” “No,” you quickly refute, irrationally afraid he’s changed his mind. And the words spill out of you as you cringe, “I’m horny as shit, I’mjustnervous.” The guy smiles, eyes slightly crinkled when he does so. “Of what?” “A lot of things.” You don’t pour a second shot even though you kind of want to. But you have things to do tomorrow, so you can’t nurse a hangover and you most certainly don’t want to be drunk while doing this. “If you didn’t notice, I don’t do this often.” While you’re at it, you tell him, “I don’t know how to suck dick.” He leans against the counter, grinning. “Okay. I don’t mind.” “Also, if you haven’t noticed either, my ass is kind of deflated.” Jimin shrugs. “I’m more of a boob man anyway.” You narrow your eyes, not sure if he’s lying or trying to make you feel better. But there’s no time to dwell when he seriously asks— “Do you still want to do this?” It takes a second for you to muster your courage. And once you do, you know you won’t back down. “All right. Let’s do this!” You walk into his room like you’re about to go fight off a monster. Behind you, Jimin grins and it takes a good moment for him to calm you down. “Are you okay with kissing?” he asks, door shut and distance closed. He’s intimately close and you nod. Finally, your brain stops overthinking and you let yourself feel. Jimin’s lips are full and plush, and they’re good against yours. The soft smacking fills his room. The two of you kiss until your lips part and he begins to lick into your mouth, tongue entering without much hesitation. You fall back onto the mattress, noticing that the bed’s been made sloppily, but better than your own. The pair of you keep kissing and he hovers over you, capturing you against the sheets. Pathetically enough, you already begin to feel your center throbbing and it’s a relief when you both get rid of your clothes. He doesn’t talk much — doesn’t give much commentary or even dirty talk. But you don’t mind. All you’re offering after all is soft sighs and quiet moans. Jimin squeezes your breasts and fingers you for a good minute. He’s surprised to see how wet you are, even letting out an ‘oh shit’, but you make no efforts to come up with an excuse. The stretch feels good from his thick fingers, but you bet it’ll feel good around his girthy cock too. He goes to grab a condom from his drawer, but pauses. “Do...you want me to eat you out?” “I’m good,” you politely decline, afraid it might be too intimate. You’re not sure where the lines are drawn, but it’s something you’ll have to gauge while you go. “Do you want me to suck your dick? You might have to teach me though.” The corner of his mouth tugs. “I’m good too.” As Jimin rips open the condom package, you turn yourself around and get onto all fours. He doesn’t protest and when he enters you, it feels good enough for you to fall forward into the pillows. His cock is of average size, but he’s girthy and your cunt stretches to accommodate him. He groans in his throat when you clench — and the sound gets you off, making you squeeze again. Jimin pounds into you, his pelvis hitting the meat of your ass, cock drawing in and out against your tight, warm walls. You do your best to meet his thrusts halfway, jerking your hips back and you stifle your moans with your teeth sunk into your bottom lip. The sloppy sounds of slapping and the creaking of his bed makes you glad his roommates are gone. And while the sex is not mind-blowing per se, it’s still good. Enough that you climax once he rubs your clit several times and he unloads into the condom too. It’s easier than you thought it would be. Not a big deal whatsoever. It took ten minutes in total and it felt good. It’s just sex — and that’s exactly it. Just sex. The very lesson of the art of benefits. You pick up your clothes off the floor, slipping them back on. “I gotta get going.” There’s no snuggling, no cuddling, no pillow talks. And it doesn’t seem like he minds whatsoever. “‘Kay.” Jimin picks up his phone off his bedside table to check his texts and waves goodbye without even looking at you. You leave, walking yourself out and humming as you stride down the hall. You’re glad you went through with it.

[2nd Year Winter Semester] You run there with your sandwich stuffed in your cheek. By the time Jimin opens the door, you’re still chewing while panting. It’s a comical sight by the way he smiles at you. You’re already winded before anything’s started. “I hadn’t eaten yet and I needed to get my blood sugar up.” Jimin’s lips are quirked. “We can always eat beforehand, you know. There’s food in the fridge.” “Nah, I’m good.” Having meals with your friends with benefits is the last thing on your mind. He shrugs. “Suit yourself.” You use his bathroom, releasing your bladder and rinsing your mouth thoroughly. You know yourself and you’re not a novice on how these relationships work. The less interaction and knowledge you have about him, the more you can keep your distance. “G-God,” he exhales shakingly, hand fisted in your hair. “You’re getting b-better at this….” Jimin watches through heavy lids as you’re slobbering over his cock. He tries his best to watch, but when you run your tongue over the weeping slit at the bulborous head, his eyes shut and his head naturally knocks back. You’ve gotten better at a lot of things in the few months that have passed, namely sucking dick, but your jaw aches and you wonder when he’s going to cum. It’s worth it though. You might be the one kneeling in front of him, but you feel powerful. It’s too easy to make him crumble. To make him moan like that. It makes you wet to hear him and knowing you could bite off his dick or make him lose a load, the sheer power eggs you on. Like you were taught, you inhale, ease your muscles and take Jimin as far as you can. He chokes as his cock hits the back of your throat. Your gag reflexes threaten your endeavour but you keep them at bay and Jimin’s hand in your hair tightens. Especially when you swallow. “Fuck. I-I’m going to cum.” Thank god. Finally! Usually, you let off so he can cum elsewhere (god forbid in your hair) or if he accidentally does it in your mouth, you spit it out on tissue. But this time, you made a commitment to yourself. You came here with a goal. So you inhale again and deep throat him, sucking as much as you can. With his curly pubic hair grazing your nose, Jimin cums. His groans staccato. His cock twitches. And you swallow the bitter, white fluid that comes out in ribbons. After a few seconds, you finally withdraw. Jimin opens his eyes, staring at you in wonderment. There are strands of saliva from between his softened cock to your lips and you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. “Not gonna lie.” You clear your throat and swallow down the remaining taste. “That’s really nasty.” Jimin bursts out laughing. “Thanks.” “It’s the least I can do.” You stand up, shaking your left leg awake. It feels like pins and needles when you step around. “I’ve sat on your face like twice already.” You toss Jimin his pants off the ground and you get your cardigan back on. “You wanna come over on Friday?” “Uh…” You grab your phone from your jacket that’s also been discarded and check your calendar. “Sorry. Can’t. I’m busy on that day.” His brows raise, but he doesn’t question it. “How about Saturday?” you offer. “No. I have a kines exam scheduled.” Your face twists in disgust. “On a Saturday?” “Yep. I know. It sucks.” You sympathize, but you’re also surprised. “I didn’t know you were a kines major.” “What? I thought I told you.” “Guess I forgot.” You put yourself back together and a thought strikes you. Your eyes light up and you turn to your friend with glittering eyes. “Does that mean you can crack bones? I’ve always wanted to go to a chiropractor since my lower back always hurts. You should crack it for me.” Jimin grins. “Sorry, I don’t know how to do that. They don’t really teach you that kind of stuff.” “Oh.” Your eyes dim and you don’t try to hide your disappointment. You almost thought you could get a little more out of him, but you suppose decent sex is enough. As you grab your bag, you notice that his phone lights up. “You got a text from Victoria.” “Thanks.” He reaches over, but the curious expression on your face must be visible, since he says, “Don’t worry. She’s not my girlfriend or anything. She’s just someone I’m kind of into.” “Nice!” The corner of Jimin’s mouth quirks at your genuinely excited response even though he never looks away from the screen. You’re psyched though. If he has an interest in someone else, there’s less chance for anyone to catch feelings. Fewer connections. More distance. “If you ever want to end this, just let me know.” You throw your backpack on that’s heavy with your laptop and textbooks inside. “Yeah.” “I’m going now.” “Bye.” Jimin’s fingers fly across the screen to text the other girl back and neither of you spare each other a glance. The door shuts moments later and the noise echoes through the walls.

[3rd Year Fall Semester] In spite of being a junior now, things have relatively remained the same. According to course outlines, lectures are more in-depth in their content, but there’s still assignments, papers, and midterms. The grading schemes haven’t changed and you know there’s a shit ton of work waiting for you in the coming months. But you find pleasure wherever you can. The door opens, but it’s not Jimin on the other side. “Hey, Y/N.” Taemin, his roommate, is eating chips. “He’s in his room.” “Thanks.” You shuffle inside and after briefly greeting Jongin, the other roommate, who’s busy playing Animal Crossing on the living room couch, you beeline to his room. You find Jimin hunched over his messy desk, rounded spectacles on the bridge of his nose as he’s tapping furiously across his laptop keyboard. He glances at you. “Sorry. I need a second.” “Take your time.” You set down your bag and shed your coat, tossing it aside. You’re not sure what he’s doing, but you don’t ask. Instead, you pull out your phone and run through your usual apps. With no messages to answer or anything to scroll through, you check your email and find the words ‘emergency’ in one of the subject lines. After a minute, Jimin saves his document and closes the lid of his laptop. He stretches above his head with a groan and turns around, only to find you now hunched over your own device. “Sorry,” you mutter once you feel his gaze on you. “My manager needs me to fill out my timesheet and send it to her.” “I didn’t know you worked.” “Just part-time at the admissions office here on campus.” You go quiet as you skim over your email again to ensure it makes sense. “It’s a pretty easy gig.” He hums and you finish, shutting your laptop and sticking it back into your bag. That’s when you finally get a good look at the boy across the room — dark hair, blue shirt and gray sweats — and you notice how tan he’s gotten. It’s a good look. Your mouth tugs. “Did you travel over the summer?” “I went to the Caribbean with my family for like two weeks.” “Fancy.” “It was alright.” He gets up and re-stacks the textbooks on his desk into a single pile. Jimin notices the stack of flyers he was supposed to distribute. “Oh yeah. Do you want to join the crayon club?” Your brow lifts. “The crayon club?” “Yeah, you can come colour every Wednesday night and just hang out with people.” Jimin grins boyishly. “My friend wanted to make a club and he made me the communications executive. I’m supposed to get people to join. You don’t have to, but the first meet and greet is this Friday, and the more people the better. There’s gonna be free food by the way, if that helps.” You’re not sure that's a good idea. The two of you have never really met up outside of his dormitory, aside from the first time you met at the library. “Let me check my calendar.” You grab your phone again and thoughtlessly mumble, “Sometimes I’m busy on Friday. I’m part of the board games club and we meet up every other week…..don’t judge.” “I’m not.” Still, Jimin's smile widens and you feign a pout. You’re free this week. “I’ll come if you make me an executive too,” you quip carelessly while tossing your phone aside. “It’ll look good on my law application.” Jimin quirks his head. He didn’t know you were aiming for law school. “Okay.” “Wait.” You’re taken off guard, eyes as wide as saucers. “Seriously?!” He with a small laugh. Jimin gets up and closes the distance, making you lean against the headboard until he’s completely hovering over you, mere inches away. “We actually need a position filled anyway, so you just saved me some trouble.” “You better keep your promise, Park.” You end up showing with Wendy and Tiffany in tow — the former who wants to raid whatever food there is and the latter genuinely interested in colouring as a means of relaxation. It’s a bit awkward to meet so many new people at once and Jimin’s friends at that, but you can tell they’re nice at heart. Albeit, a bit rambunctious and too friendly. And you’re a bit horrified when one of them tries to eat a crayon to further advertise the club. “So, what’s up with you and Jimin?” Tiffany asks, peering up at you as she colours in the lines carefully. She’s unaware of your arrangement with the boy. It’s not something you’ve told many. You feign ignorance, not wanting to get into the details with strangers around. “What do you mean?” “Are you dating him?” You scoff. “I wish.” Immediately, Wendy’s brows raise to her hairline and the words that fumbled out of you thoughtlessly finally sink in. “I mean, no, we’re not. Not I wish.” Luckily, Tiffany spares you and doesn’t pry. But you’re mortified and you glance at Jimin from across the room laughing noisily with his friend. You turn away from him, trying to create more distance.

[3rd Year Winter Semester] With exam season here, you and Jimin hadn’t seen each other in a while. Luckily, Spring break was approaching, so you at least had something to look forward to. The idea of being able to lay in bed and sleep in automatically puts you in a good mood. Jimin, however, seems less than stoked. You watch from the bed as he runs a hand through his hair, messing it up before you’ve gotten a chance to. He was frowning when he opened the door, greeted you with one word and in general, has been quieter than usual. “Is….everything alright?” You wonder if you did something to piss him off, but then he says— “I flunked my final.” Oh. That explains his bad mood. “The one you took this morning?” you ask. “Yeah.” Jimin deflates with an extended sigh. “I didn’t get the first twenty questions and then I fucking ran out of time….” There’s a pause that lingers. “Well, you’re not sure if you actually failed, right?” You lean closer to him, quirking your head to the side. “The marks haven’t been released and who knows, the prof might curve it.” “Maybe. I don’t know.” Jimin scrubs a hand over his face, uncertain and stressed. “This ruins everything. I’m trying to get an internship at a clinical rehabilitation facility and I want to apply for a masters and now...fuck.” You’re surprised. You didn’t know he had so many goals. “I’m screwed.” Jimin flops back onto his mattress, staring at the ceiling. You loom over him, blocking his view. “Does the internship look at your GPA?” “They want a three point o average or more.” “What do you have now?” “Three point five.” The corner of your mouth pulls and a rush of air leaves your nose in a snort. “Then you’ll make it! Even if you failed one exam, it wouldn’t tank past a three. It can’t be too bad, right?” “Yeah, I guess.” Jimin sighs and absentmindedly tugs on your strand of hair that’s fallen in front of your face and is grazing against his cheek. “I just don’t know anymore.” “It’s going to be fine,” you reassure, slapping your hand on his shoulder. “You’re just overthinking it.” “Maybe,” he hums. A sudden thought comes across your mind and your small smile turns devious. “Let me make you feel better.” You shift to straddle his hips and instantly, his hands lift to your waist. Jimin starts to grin as you pull at his shirt, trying to get him to strip. And you do your best to pleasure him. It doesn’t take much effort considering Jimin’s hand is already tightening in your hair the minute you run your tongue along his shaft. But he doesn’t let you suck him for too long, eager to feel you inside instead and pleasure you just the same. It’s eager and messy sex. You’re on top until your thighs begin to burn and you lose your pace. Then he re-repositions the both of you, so you’re flat on your back and he’s doing most of the work. You end up cumming twice. Once around his covered cock and the other time after he coaxes you around his stiff tongue and eggs you on, even when you’re sobbing from the overstimulation. It feels good. Better than good. Over time, the pair of you have gotten to know each other’s bodies better, what works and what doesn’t. Your relationship with Jimin is an investment that feels worth it. “Hey…” You’re both facing away from each other as you put your clothes back on. Jimin turns his head and you cast him a glance. “I was thinking of maybe starting birth control…” He blinks. “If you go get yourself checked out and make sure you’re clean, we can do it without condoms.” You pull down your sweater over your head and you both stare at each other. He looks surprised and responds in a delayed manner, “Okay. Cool. I’m down. I’ll get myself checked out this weekend. I haven’t really slept with anyone else since this started though.” It’s your turn to be caught off guard. “Really? What...about that girl you were into? Vicky?” “You mean Victoria?” He jumps as he puts on his sweatpants, getting both legs through at once. “Nah. It didn’t end up working out.” “Oh.” He’s entirely nonchalant about it, so you merely nod. Jimin walks you to the door and you notice that he’s in a better mood than earlier. You hide your smile to yourself, glad that it was mutually beneficial. Two weeks later, he gets an email before the two of you get down and dirty, and you’re the first one in his life to know that he got the summer internship. His excitement is infectious and you genuinely feel happy for him.

[4th Year Fall Semester] It’s so close, you can taste it. A whole new semester and cart of overpriced textbooks later meant you were a senior now. It also meant that there was just this year left and you were out of here. Finished at least one degree. A step closer to making the big bucks and being a whole ass adult. The idea is both exhilarating and frightening. 2:20pm. Jimin: Wanna come over? The text mocks you, but the temptation is tangible. Like a carrot tied at the end of a stick that’s attached to a hungry rabbit. You’ve been sexually frustrated since last night, feeling it in your loins since morning, and fidgeting and rubbing your thighs underneath tables and desks. The thought of getting that sweet relief properly is enough for you to want to ditch class altogether, but you can’t. Not for the next few days. 2:22pm. Y/N: can’t. 2:22pm. Y/N: I’m on my period :(( 2:23pm. Jimin: I don’t mind 2:23pm. Y/N: really???? 2:24pm. Y/N: are you sure 2:25pm. Jimin: lmao 2:25pm. Jimin: yes You brace through the rest of the lecture, paying more attention as the anticipation swells. And when it’s all over, you race across campus to the dormitory building you’ve become familiar with. Jimin opens the door before you need to knock and he plants a chaste kiss against your lips in greeting. You’re taken off guard, but don’t pay too much attention to it. “How was class?” “Good. You?” “Same,” he hums. You drop your bag in his room and gesture below your waist. “I’m going to need to wash up. The nether regions are a bit…” He smiles. “Sure. I got spare towels I can set down too.” You self-consciously linger for a moment as he goes to his closet to the upper shelf. The towels are luckily green and not white. “I’m surprised you’re okay with it. Having period sex, I mean.” “Why wouldn’t I be?” Jimin pushes his blanket aside and puts a towel down. “As long as you’re fine with it, then I am too.” “I don’t know. Doesn’t blood gross you out?” “Not really? Most of the time I’m the one making the mess, so it’s actually nice to have someone else make the mess for once. Plus sex is sex. What’s there to complain about?” His brow lifts and he looks at you. You scoff and it makes Jimin grin. You wash yourself up and he fucks you in missionary position on top of the towels. The pair of you have only done so a few times before. Typically, you’re face down, bent over, on all fours or looking away from each other. But the change is welcome. Jimin hovers over you and you can kiss him when you want to. “F-Fuck.” A pitched moan unintentionally spills from you when he hits a spot at your walls that has your toes curling. “Ji...min.” It’s more lubricated than usual, making the strokes easier. He goes softer too. Deeper. Jimin presses your thighs to your chest and makes you feel him all the way to your throat. The boy smiles tenderly at your reaction in spite of panting himself. “Feel good, baby?” “Y-Yeah.” You nod, eyes shut tight. You grip his forearms when he bottoms out again. “Always does.” Your warm walls pulse around his thick cock and you end up cumming soon after. He groans into your neck at how you tighten around him like a vice grip and he thrusts into you one more time before his cum fills you. The pair of you jump in the shower together to get cleaned up and then you’re picking up your clothes while he tosses the towels in the laundry. “What were you working on, on Thursday?” You blink, realizing that you texted him vaguely about being swamped and unable to come over, and that’s enough for you to unload and go on a tangent. “God, don’t remind me. It was my fucking thesis. I barely managed to finish it but I don’t even know if it makes sense and now I have to edit like fifty pages by myself before giving it to my supervisor, so that’s fun.” It feels good to let it off your chest. Jimin smiles subtly at your venting. “I could always edit it for you.” “What? Seriously?” “Sure.” He shrugs. “I’m not in poly sci, but that might make me a bit more unbiased. I’m not doing much these days either.” “Oh my god.” There’s an overpowering urge to bow at his feet or suck his dick until you’re gagging or do both. “You’re a life-saver!” Jimin laughs and it’s the sound of angels singing. “Just send it over. I can get it done by tomorrow. You have my email, right?” “Of course I do. Duh!” Your grin is big enough that your cheeks hurt and he has one that matches it as well. // A few weeks fly by and things calm down enough that you can finally breathe. But that’s when you receive a little text from a certain someone that has you skeptical if you can rest easy. 6:48pm. Jimin: I have a surprise for you 6:48pm. Jimin: I forgot about it You’re not sure what it is, but asking would be like pulling teeth with him. Jimin hates spoilers and he likes surprises all too much. Lately, you’ve both been getting into some freaky shit. Buying toys, blindfolds, handcuffs. As adventurous as college kids with a limited budget can get. It was rather fun for the pair of you, and expectedly, some experiments work out better than others. It sends goosebumps all over your skin every time he talks dirty. You like it when Jimin spanks you too. Although, you’re still unsure about the whole candle wax on your body idea. But there’s one thing for sure — Jimin can most definitely not role play for his life. The whole school girl fantasy lasted a good five minutes before he started bursting into giggles and breaking character every other second. Playing doctor only made you realize how ticklish he was too. And the tickle fight that followed was definitely not something one would call ‘sexy’. Even if it did lead to the deed being done. “Hey.” Jimin greets you with a grin and a chaste peck against your lips. “How was studying?” “Fine.” You brush off the question quickly, too curious of what he has in store. “Jimin, I’m not going to use that twelve inch dildo unless you want to drive me to the ER.” He bursts out laughing. “That’s not it. Good try though.” Instead of going to his room like you usually do, Jimin leads you past the kitchen area to the table. It’s been cleared off and you give an inquisitive expression. He grins and then gestures to it. “Lay down.” “What?” “Just lay down.” He takes your hand, guiding you on it and you obey wordlessly. It doesn’t seem like any of his roommates are home and you hope they don’t come back any time soon lest they find you lying face down on their dinner table. You feel Jimin round the table and pull your ankles together. You tilt yourself up to peek at him, but then he barks— “Down.” With a pout, you return to your position, arms folded underneath your head. You hope he isn’t about to rub spices on you and roast you in his oven like it feels like he’s doing. You feel the gentle pressure of Jimin’s hands against your spine, his thumbs pressing into your skin and he hums, “Relax. Okay. Breathe in for me.” An inhale is taken and his hands suddenly press into the middle of your back. You hear your bones crack loudly. It catches you off guard and you turn yourself with wide eyes. “You know how to do it?!” He boyishly grins. “I might’ve learnt a thing or two during my internship.” “Keep going, keep going.” You flip yourself over again, gesturing to your back and he laughs, going down your body and cracking your bones. You become butter in his fingertips, lower back feeling better already. “Lift your leg for me.” You follow his instructions to a t. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” you ask sleepily, lulled by his care. If he massaged you too, you might just cream your pants. “I got this, I got this,” he reassures with a bit of arrogance. “I’m not a professional, but I know what I’m doing. You trust me, right?” A noise is made at the back of your throat. “If you break a bone on accident, I’ll sue you,” you mumble as he turns you over. “God, feels good.” After a while, Jimin gets you to sit up and continues. He looks nice when he’s concentrating. Expression blank. Lips plump and in a line. Brows only slightly furrowed. “Considering you don’t have any ailments, you don’t need to get your bones cracked often. You should stretch and do some exercise instead.” You scoff. “Having sex with you is enough exercise.” To prove your point, you latch onto his arm and tug him towards you. Jimin smiles and the two of you break a sweat against each other on the table before either of his roommates come home.

[4th Year Winter Semester] It was an invitation that you would’ve called yourself crazy for offering a year ago. But if it wasn’t for him editing your thesis and taking a load off your mind, you would’ve had a harder time. You had him to thank for that. “So?” Jimin’s seated across from you at the restaurant booth. It wasn’t surprisingly difficult to ask him to grab a bite with you. For some reason, you thought he would reject. “What’s the big news?” Instead of answering, you reach into your bag and slide the envelope across the table. He’s curious and takes it, pulling out the letter to read. You sip on your water, watching his expression intently. He mutters the words and it takes him through the first paragraph before he realizes. Then, at once, Jimin’s eyes widen. His mouth drops and he looks at you proudly. “You got into law school?” “Three of them,” you tell with a cheesy grin. “T-That’s….fucking amazing. Holy fuck.” He reaches over and hugs you. It’s awkward considering there’s a whole table in the way, but you appreciate the sentiment. You’re giddy and giggling at how excited he is. It makes you feel like the first time you opened the letter yourself. Jimin presses a kiss against your hair before withdrawing. “When did you find out?” “Two days ago. I really thought I wasn’t going to get in since I got rejection letters last week from the other schools, but then three of them came in rapid succession.” He shakes his head, still in awe. “Congratulations. Seriously. You deserve it, Y/N. God knows how hard you worked.” “Thanks.” You smile to yourself, fiddling with the hem of your blouse. “I was thinking of maybe leaving the city to a different uni, but….I’m going to stay with my parents for as long as I can to save up on loans.” “Yeah, sounds good.” He nods. “Moving out can be expensive.” “What about you? Have you applied to your masters program yet?” Jimin laughs. “Actually, I was planning on telling you that today too. I didn’t bring any fancy letter with me though.” You lean closer, sitting on the edge of your seat. “You got in?” “I did. Yesterday.” His enormous smile causes your own to expand. “I’m gonna do it part-time while working at the same facility I did my internship at.” You’re happy for him and you can tell by his expression that he’s genuinely excited for you too. The pair of you were taking steps forward for your future and while it was a little scary, for now, you enjoy the victory and pig out at the restaurant with little restraints. At the end of the night, you’re both wine drunk when you stumble back to his dorm room and soon, you’re trying to muffle your whimpers with your teeth sunk into your bottom lip. It doesn’t help when he presses the humming vibrator to your clit harder. “J-Jimin,” you sob, fingers twisting into his sheets. You’re slumped against the headboard as he surrounds you. “Louder,” he commands, watching you through heavy lidded eyes. The cold air of his bedroom made your nipples hardened, yet you feel hot all over, under his gaze and ruthlessness. Your hand curls around his wrist. “Your roommates are sleep—” You cry and keen against his chest when he plunges the toy into your swollen cunt that’s leaking down your ass and thighs. “It’s okay,” he murmurs in a low voice against your ear, “Let it go.” You feel the toy nudge against your cervix, the vibrations trembling through your body and you orgasm hard with your forehead pressed against Jimin’s shoulder. Even then, he continues to draw it in and out of you, studying how you’ve creamed around the vibrator, how your slick is dripping to his sheets that are already stained with the scent of your shampoo. “J-Jimin,” you whine loudly, not knowing if you’re trying to lean away from his touch or closer. “T-...too m-much!” “You can take it,” Jimin softly coaxes and you nod. You cum again after a minute and he immediately kisses you with a big smile before peppering pecks down to your neck. It makes you feel ticklish and winded. “Hey...Jimin…” “Hmm?” “Are we still gonna do this after we graduate?” you ask in a quiet voice, laying back in the ruined sheets. “I’m gonna be busy and you are too.” “We’ll figure it out.” He flops beside you and you both face each other. Jimin’s arm is draped over your waist and you stare at one another for a moment before he closes the distance. Jimin nudges you for a languid kiss, your noses brushing as his soft, plush lips press against yours. It’s unhurried. Slow. He urges your mouth to part for him and his tongue slips in as you whimper, giving you a chance to properly taste him. Sloppy, wet noises fill the room while heat rises to your cheeks. But you’re unbothered while swapping spit with Park Jimin. It’s lazy, yet it feels good. So much so that you’ve relaxed entirely. In the back of your mind, you know you should get up and put some clothes on. Any cuddling or post-sex touching has largely been unprecedented before this and it’s not good to make habits you’ll have to eventually break. You should get your sweater off the floor, or at least slip on his purple t-shirt…. But you give into the temptation and shut your eyes for one second. One mere second. That’s enough for you to doze off. When Jimin realizes you’ve accidentally fallen asleep, he smiles to himself and tugs the blankets up to your shoulders, securing you in warmly. // You stifle another yawn with your hand. It’s 9:30 in the goddamn morning and way too early for you. There’s a reason you pick afternoon classes, go to work afterwards and then go see Jimin to end your day off. There’s no situation good enough that warrants your alarm blaring before eight — but you suppose a graduation ceremony could be an exception. “There’s so many people,” your dad gasps in wonderment, looking around the vast hall. “Do you know them all?” “No.” You hold in your sigh. “I don’t.” For the past twenty minutes, you’ve been running around looking for your parents after they’ve wandered off and gotten lost. If they weren’t spamming their cameras on their phone and telling you to smile in front of the odd statue or the meaningless bulletin board that wasn’t even part of your faculty, it was calling your name as loud as they could to find you in the crowds. You’re happy over their enthusiasm but also burdened. It’s a lot of mixed feelings. “Y/N?” Dark hair and brown eyes — a certain someone who you weren’t expecting to run into is staring right at you with a boyish smile. “Jimin?” He looks good, a suit underneath and a black graduation gown over it that falls to his calf. His gown has a golden hood and tassel while yours is white — the colours symbolizing your different faculties and areas of study. “Hey.” His gaze is warm. “You look nice.” “Thanks. You too.” You don’t linger on him for long, not when his parents are right by his side. You divert your vision and greet them politely. Jimin surprisingly looks a lot like his dad and his mom has a kind face. They seem like sweet people and you’re suddenly breaking into a sweat. “Nice to meet you.” Your own parents make themselves known and you feel like your worlds are colliding as they shake hands and exchange names, congratulating each other on their child’s graduation. You’re about to get them moving along when your mom nudges you. “Is this your boyfriend?” Her voice is way too loud and you feel yourself burn in embarrassment. “No. He’s just a friend,” you whisper it sharply but much your dismay, they look unconvinced. You miss the way Jimin smiles to himself. “We should get a picture!” his dad declares and your own dad looks even more elated at the idea of spamming more pictures. You already had to delete a hundred blurry ones, but your mom ignores your groan and pushes you both towards some weird artwork on the wall. “Stand over here! Over here! Smile!” Your parents end up sitting next to each other on the rows and you have no words, forced to sit at the bottom with the rest of your graduating class. It’s a wonder that the Arts Faculty was scheduled right before the Faculty of Kines. Fate or coincidence, you’re not sure yet. But it’s still nice to see Jimin walk the stage and be able to cheer for him. “Congratulations, Mr. Park.” He grins. “Congratulations to you too, Miss L/N.” It’s certain that the numerous celebrations with family, friends and relatives will be chaotic, so you take advantage of the opportunity while you still can. You steal just a little moment for your selfish desires by standing outside before you’re both bombarded by your circle of people. “You know, I couldn’t have done it without you.” “Oh, stop it with the sappiness.” You can’t feign a roll of your eyes when your smile is so big. He swings an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close and laughing. “Why? Don’t like it?” And the little shit slyly leans in to whisper, “You like it when I call you my baby though.” “Jimin!” He laughs and you sigh with a smile. You’re glad you ran into him.

[Post-Graduation] You open the door, welcoming yourself in. “Hey.” Jimin’s on the couch and glances at you, unfazed at how you’ve waltzed right into his apartment with little warning. You’ve always knocked out of courtesy for his roommates, but ever since he moved out of the dormitories, you find little need to make him walk all the way to the door. He’s watching a thriller and you flop down on his couch, leaning over to plant a quick peck against his mouth as a greeting. “How was work?” “It was okay. A bit busy. I met this nice old lady and we chatted for a bit. She called me handsome, so there’s that.” He grins and you scoff lightly, leaning your cheek on his shoulder as you watch the main character venture into an abandoned house on screen. Jimin loves his praises, so you’re not wholly surprised he’s kept a mental note of it. You’re not sure why it’s important though. Anyone with eyes would agree he’s good-looking. “How was class?” “Awful,” you mumble, feeling tired against him. You came over to get rid of some sexual frustration, but you’re not even sure you have the energy to do anything anymore. “Commuting was brutal this morning. Traffic was backed up on the highway and I was late, and yesterday I had to drive back at night. My parents are driving me nuts too. I can’t study properly.” Jimin hums a soothing note and slings an arm at the back of the couch where you’re sitting, letting you lean into him. It goes quiet as the two of you watch the suspenseful scene and then he absentmindedly pipes up after a minute, “You could always move in with me.” He continues, “It’s closer to the university and it’s quiet during the day, so you can study. We could always study together too.” It’s a good idea, but— “I can’t afford that.” “I don’t mind paying rent for a while. It’s the same either way.” It takes a second for the words sink in and then you’re peeling yourself off of him. Your gaze is met with Jimin’s, eyes locking into one another and the movie is left in the background. “As roommates?” He shrugs. “There’s only one bedroom, but sure.” A studio apartment. One bed shared. Two people. Watching movies. Having sex. Eating together. It doesn’t sound bad to you whatsoever, but you contemplate it. It swirls around inside your head and you murmur, “Isn’t that breaking the rules of being friends with benefits?” And you don't know why but Wendy’s words from the other day are echoing inside the caverns of your brain at the worst moment. “You know, your relationship with Jimin isn’t exactly normal.” You weren’t sure what she meant and you still don’t know. Not when she had advertised and encouraged this kind of arrangement all those years ago. When she had told you many people got involved in each other like this. But you’re starting to wonder if something is off. Did you do something wrong? Did your relationship with Jimin spiral out of control? But everything feels normal. After three years, you’d think you would’ve mastered the art of benefits by now. You sigh, getting a headache. Yet, Jimin merely shrugs. As if the definitions and boundaries don’t bother him whatsoever. “Is it?” “Kind of. I mean, living together, being mutually exclusive. It almost sounds like….” “Like what?” His brows lift. “Like we’re dating?” You feel hot in your face, skin toasted like a furnace. Maybe you’re being delusional or silly. Maybe he’s going to laugh at you. “This is what couples who are going to get engaged do.” “Maybe we should date then…?” The pitch of Jimin’s voice raises at the end, not necessarily a question but neither a statement. It’s questionable like he’s unsure how you feel. Like he’s playing a guessing game. And then he smiles at your shocked expression. Jimin turns to face you fully. His gaze is heavy, earnest. “Maybe we should date.” This time, it’s repeated as an assertion. Confident. Unwavering. Sincere. Jimin leans in to kiss you as if he can’t resist anymore. It’s tender, taking you off guard and you lean into him, finally allowing yourself to become surrounded by him. Mind. Body. And soul. When the two of you pull away, he smiles while catching his breath. “I-I’m down if you are. This apartment can be yours and you can study here and sleep here and whatever. We can eat together and I’ll buy you take out or cook. It’s fine if you don’t want to. I’m cool with anything. We can keep being friends with benefits, if that’s what you want….so…......what do you want?” You exhale lightly, feeling warm. “This...is a lot.” “Is it?” Instantly, Jimin appears panicked and you hold back a laugh. “We’ve technically been together for three years and...what we’ve been doing recently is basically dating. In my opinion.” “Did Wendy put you up to this?” “No.” He shakes his head. “Frankly, the person I talk to most these days is you. And I like it that way.” God, you hate him. You pull Jimin in for another kiss, an aggressive and eager one. Enough that you can feel the heat off of his own face. You move to straddle his thighs and when you break apart, you muster a glare at him. “You know, I’ve been trying so hard not to catch feelings. You’re ruining all my efforts, you know that, Park?” He grins. “Is this a yes?” “It is.” This time, he’s the one to kiss you, sealing your lips together as he smiles against your mouth and squeezes giggles out of you. Even if he doesn’t say it, even if he’s saving it for another day, you know from his tender touches that he loves you. And it’s mutual. No longer do you need to worry — leave right after the deed is done or be panicked when you’ve accidentally fallen asleep in his bed. You’re unashamed when he kisses you harder as a greeting, when he holds your hand, when you go out together. You can have pillow talks without needing to guard yourself, cuddle him, call him yours. And when Christmas arrives, meaning sweater weather and snow dusting from the sky, you have someone to keep you warm. Someone who you can come back to and call your home.

#bts fanfic #bts smut #jimin smut #bts scenario #jimin fanfic #jimin scenario #lol I can finally use the smut tag #I know this ain't sfw y'all but I really wasn't kidding when I said I was experimenting a bit more with smut #with that being said I actually really like this fic #IT'S FLUFF AND SOFT AF #I LOVE ME SOME CUTE CHIM DON'T FIGHT ME

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glassartpeasants · 4 years

Text

Distraction

Shigaraki x F!Reader

Warnings: Angst, fluff and death

A/N: For the sake of the story you are from a different country other then Japan. I finaly had the damn inspration to finish this. I’m gonna do another one after this, the only reason im posting this is because it was already 2/3 done. No lie though i kinda hate it :/

~~~

“Tomura.” You said in your annoyed voice. Ever since he got that fucking game, he’s been playing it nonstop and has completely ignored you existence.

“Tomura I love you .” Nothing.

“Tomura I’m pregnant.” Nothing.

“I’m breaking up with you.” Still nothing. You weren’t actually gonna break up with him but you wanted at least for him to look in your direction.

You let out a huff and crossed your arms. You were starting to get angry. And thats fair!

You sit up from your spot on the bed and put on socks and shoes before walking out of his room.

“Miss (y/n), you seem to be frustrated right now. Is it Shigaraki Tomura?” Kurogiri spoke as you sat at the bar contemplating your life choices.

“Ever since he got that dumbass game he’s been ignoring me Kurogiri! He got that game a week ago and has only left his room for food, water and to go to the bathroom. I want to burn the damn thing. He hasn’t even talked to me in 3 days! Not a single peep.” You said anger in your voice but a bit of pain was also noticeable.

“I see. Well in my opinion...get back at him.”

“You mean ignore him like he’s been ignoring me?”

“Preciously.”

“I like the way you think Kurogiri.” And with that you left the hideout.

~~~

You sat on your bed in your own apartment with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in your hand as you watched cooking shows, wishing you could do the same thing.

And then that’s when your phone rang.

You immediately thought it was Shigaraki but only sighed when it was your mother. You put down your sandwich, paused your show and picked up the phone.

“Hey mom, what ya need?”

“I need you to come home.”

“What why?”

“It’s your grandma..” You let out a gasp in shock. Your grandma wasn’t doing well after your grandfather died. She always seemed to be in and out of the hospital. You felt tears prickle the corner of your eyes as you held a hand over your mouth.

“She’s super sick and the doctors think she’s not going to make it much longer. For the sake of seeing her on last time please come home.”

“Of course! I’ll start packing right away!”

“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too.” And with that you hung up the phone and started packing immediately. You grabbed your suitcases off of your closet shelf and begun frantically putting in clothes and other things.

You opened your computer and booked the next flight to (random country). The flight was going to be in 2 days so you had to make sure everything was ready in that amount of time. The agonizing fear of something happening to your grandma made you forget all about Shigaraki.

~~~

The day of the flight

You look at your phone as you sit at the airport, waiting for you plane to be seated.

“All people going to (random country please start boarding the plane.” You shot up from your seat and immediately walked over towards the boarding area.

Still completely forgetting to tell shigaraki.

~~~

4 days after you left

Shigaraki sighed as the screen turned a colorful hue with the words your won on the screen. After 2 and a half weeks of gruesome playing he finally beat the game.

“Hey (y/n) I finally-” He turned around to look for you so he could tell you his achievement, only to find you were no where in sight.

“-beat it?” He shot up from his chair and walked into the bar his head snapping from left to right in hopes of finding you.

“She’s not here Shigaraki Tomura. She hasn’t been here for about a week.” Kurogiri said as he polished his glasses.

“What do you mean she hasn’t been here in a week?”

“Well considering you were ignoring her for that game you got, my best guess is that she’s at home.” Shigaraki felt anxiety creep up and worry also consuming his body. What if you realized you were way out of his league and dumped him. He only sighed as he grabbed his sweatshirt and made his way over to your house.

~~~

The weather was slowly getting worse and worse by the minute. He oh so wished he would have checked it before going outside considering he was now drenched from the pounding rain.

He let out at sigh of relief once he saw your car in the driveway of your home. At least you would be there so he could apologize.

He went up to your door and did the secret knock you both had for each other.

Nothing. He did it again.

Nothing.

Shigaraki started to tremble a bit as he took the key fro under your place mat and opened the door only to see no signs of you being there.

He looked high and low trying to find you with no success. He finally went to your room to find almost all of your clothes gone your bed unmade, and a single piece of paper on your nightstand.

He grabbed said paper with two finger only to feel his heart drop right out of his chest.

‘Leave at 9am tomorrow for (random country)’

So you really did leave him huh? Shigaraki dug his phone out of his pocket and went to call you only to realize that you had shut your phone off. His hands shook as all his fingers touched the phone causing it to crack and decay.

“She’ll be back! It’ll be okay Shigaraki..” Shigaraki told himself as he hugged himself falling to his knees silently prayed you would come back and not leave him all alone.

~~~

The days went by as you sat by your grandma holding her hand as you teared up.

“No need to cry (y/n), I’ll be okay.” Your grandma said to you smiling weakly. You put her hand to your forehead and just held it there.

You couldn’t help the tears streaming down your eyes as you saw them fall to the ground.

“Do you have someone you love (y/n)?” Her question startled you as your tear stained eyes look at her.

“I remember your mother talking to me about a guy you met who you said you were absolutely in love with. But you haven’t spoken a word about him since you came here.” You never told your mother Shigaraki’s name but you did tell her how madly in love with him.

“We’re having some issues right now... but lets not talk about that. Lets try to focus on happy things.”

“Sweetie, things happen. Everything will turn out alright i promise.” You looked at her through tear stained eyes as you held her hand a bit tighter.

Thats when you heard the beeping.

You look up at the heart monitor and saw the flat-line. You started crying profusely as you were taken out of the room while they tried to get her heart back up. But it was too late.

You cried out to your grandma before being taken by the hand by your mother and pulled into a constricting hug causing you to let out more tears.

~~~

You stayed at your home country for another week before setting off to Japan again. You wanted to stay longer but the pain you felt in your chest was too painful to stay there as everything reminded you of her.

~~~

You open you apartment door and close it with a sigh only to see that your apartment was completely trashed.

“WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!” First your grandma died and now your house was robbed?

You were shaking in anger and sadness as you fell to your knees, hugging yourself for comfort as you saw your tears making a little wet spot on the carpet below.

You take out your phone to call your friend only to see a number you haven’t seen in awhile.

Tomu <3

Your eyes widen as you look at his number realizing he had been trying to contact you almost ever since you left a month ago. You slap yourself remembering that you haven’t even texted him that whole time cause you were to focused on your grandma that you completely forgot about him.

You felt terrible.

“Oh my god! I haven’t even tried to text or call him! Oh no my poor Tomu...” Which only gave you another reason to cry.

You picked up the phone and pressed his contact to start a call. Your shaky hands holding the phone to your ear waiting to be cussed out and waiting to be dumped. It was only fair. You left for a month and never even told him where you were going.

Almost in a instant the phone was picked up and on the other side you heard hiccuping and a watery voice.

“(Y/N)...is that you?” His gravely voice asked.

“Im so sorry for not contacting you! I-” Before you could finish a purple warp gate showed up in your apartment right in front of you before shigaraki jumped out and tackled you to the ground. The warp gate closing behind him.

Shigaraki grabbed your face leaving dozens of kisses of your tear stained cheeks before hugging you. Bringing you close to his chest as he snuggled his face in your shoulder crying into it.

“I thought y-you left m-me...” He sobbed into your shoulder. You hug him back running your hand over his shaking figure.

“I’m so sorry baby...I..My grandmother died and i turned off my phone so i could focus on her. I should have told you. I was just so worried and...” You cried, both of you hugging one another as if your life depended on it.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you when i got my game...” He whispered as he peppered your neck in kisses.

“Im sorry for not telling you.” You sighed peacefully as you ran your hands through his hair as you try to calm him.

“Just please don’t leave me again...I don’t think i could handle it...”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

#tomura shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #mha #bnha #shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki x reader #mha tomura #mha shigaraki #mha angst #bnha angst #shigaraki angst

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bush-viper-cutie · 3 years

Text

Messages || Part 1

(Part 4 of The Crystal Ball)

Pairing: Snape x fem!reader

Word count: 9,099

Rating: M for Mature

Plot: Severus experiences a major bump in his relationship that he’s never experienced before. It’s easy to be confident in a working relationship when being together is a daily habit, but when the relationship turns long distance after summer is over, he just doesn’t know how to keep himself afloat.

Warnings: Sex scene :o (mainly at the end), tiny bit angsty

A/N: Hello everyone! :D This is part one of a two part arc within the crystal ball series so I hope I make sense in saying that Messages part 1 and Messages part 2 will both count as part 4 and 5 of the crystal ball XD (this one is long and part 2 might be just as long so I hope that’s ok :D) (also also this is officially the first of the 500 next part request… so 1 down, 499 to go XD) I hope everyone’s holidays went great!

Posted: 12/31/20

Masterlist

~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

Severus stood in front of his shelves of books, looking for new titles to introduce into the curriculum but none caught his eye. He ran his finger along the spines, dust coming off each one in a long streak and collected under his nail. They were all worn, their binding fabric once rich in texture now flush and smooth as the hard cover underneath. Their once-golden names rubbed off from excessive obsessive use from years of studies during and after his time as a Hogwarts student. His eyes followed his finger as he tried reading the titles, hoping one would spark a memory of a passage easy enough for his students to grasp.

I should introduce the Odd-Stir Method to the fifth years after winter holidays. I think Rotus explains it best – though I doubt they’d be able to get over his outdated terminology… I’d have to give them translation sheets though… Perhaps E. K Nimgo uses more appropriate language… even the densest of dunderheads should be able to understand her phrasing.

He’d reached the very last shelf and stood, clutching only two books from his collection and sighed, not entirely certain that his efforts to make brewing easier would even be appreciated. He wiped his finger on the rough fabric of his black vest and sighed, realizing he’d just created a very visible grey streak across his chest.

He heard a soft giggle and looked up, blushing at the beautiful woman leaning on the doorframe to the kitchen, watching him intently. Severus smiled and shook his hair to cover his face. He tapped the books in his hand with his finger, trying to draw her attention away from him in embarrassment. “Should I even try this year?”

She pushed herself from the doorframe and walked over to him slowly with a finger tapping her chin as if in thought. She slid her hands under his arms and pushed her face into his shoulder blade. “No – In fact, maybe take a break from teaching and stay here with me this year.” She’d been begging him for several weeks now as their summer fun was coming to an end.

He wanted so badly to say yes… But Dumbledore won’t allow it. It’s still too soon after… He sighed. He ran his hand along her arm and pulled it away, freeing himself to face her. “Help me pack these?” Her smile dropped and he almost winced. “You know I’ll just throw them in,” he whispered.

She nodded and gave a slight smile. “You’re so awful at packing, Sev.” She took the books from his hands and planted a kiss on his unready lips. Her smile widened at his look of joyous surprise and laughed. “You act like a schoolboy receiving his first ever kiss every time I do that.”

He pressed his palm to his mouth until he felt his stupid smile fade and frowned at her, removing his hand. “I do not. Besides… it’s hardly my fault.” He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her in for a proper kiss. He let his lips linger on hers and made sure to speak low, just how she liked. “I can’t control what you do to me.”

She bit her lip and pulled her chin down, looking up at him with innocent eyes that sparkled wickedly at him. Merlin help me. He slid his hands down her sides and played with the hem of her skirt, loving the invisible sparks of lust and tension popping in the air.

The flames of the candles scattered around the room flickered under the influence of their accidental magic, brought on by their subconscious need to dim the lights and set their favorite evening mood. His living room had never held any romance to it until her. It was the one room in the house whose floors were maintained perfectly clean. It was the one room where they constantly found themselves on the floor of.

A soft tapping from the kitchen pulled his eyes away from hers. Merlin, I didn’t mean literally. He sighed. “I have to answer back.”

She dropped her arms that had snaked their way around his neck and folded them over her chest. “I’ll go pack these into your trunk.”

He watched her march out of the room and listened to her footfall on the stairs, heavy with anger. The door to their room slammed and he headed into the kitchen. A large brown owl sat on the rim of the empty potted plants outside and tapped its beak to the window again.

“Silence already!” Severus swung the window open and took the letter from the owl’s beak. “Tell that man if he wishes to be enraging he’s doing a fine job. Next time he hands you a letter, wait for the next one.”

He tore the envelope open and read the fourth letter sent to him that day. ‘I forgot to remind you the lists will be sent out next week, though if you have the required textbooks ready, the sooner the better this year.’ Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and walked back into the living room, scribbled the title of the textbook his students had been using for the last three years and folded it up, not bothering with a new envelope.

He marched back to the owl and held the note out for it to take. “Try not to come back – or better yet, get lost on the way.”

It hooted and took the note, tapping the window once more for the apparent pure satisfaction of seeing Severus scowl and fluttered away. He closed the window with a tight snap and pulled the curtains closed. He headed out of the kitchen and looked around.

Where is she? It was around this time he’d normally sit down to read at his chair, only to be interrupted and asked to join her on the small couch instead so she could lean on him while she entertained herself with her own books – or on busy days, her work.

Severus crossed the room and headed into the foyer, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. He called out her name and listened. Silence.

He looked down at the long rug covering the center of the staircase. She’d found it on sale a couple of weeks ago and bought it for ‘the house’ claiming she was tired of the loud clomping of shoes on the stairs. Looking at the rug – along with the new matching towels and pillows and cushions for the couch – had made his chest feel unpleasantly tight for the first few days… Now he always felt a slight smile coming on when he noticed them. It was her way of moving in, knowing full well he was too scared to ask her to live with him in his grotty hovel of a house.

He headed up the steps and opened the door to their bedroom. She was laying on his side of the bed, face down on his pillow, with his books left out on his cluttered night stand. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs. He closed the door behind him and stood awkwardly at the end of the bed for a few seconds.

This is all my fault. If I’d never… Merlin. I regret everything but you. “I’m sorry,” Severus whispered.

She pushed herself up onto her forearms and turned to him, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “Oh Sev. Please don’t go… You’ll be gone for so long – ten months! I’m going to miss you so much! It’s going to be so hard not coming home to you every day… Everything’s going to be so much harder without you around.” She closed her eyes and fell back onto his pillow, shaking more violently than before. “Who’s going to make me soup after I finish ranting about how awful my boss is?”

He could barely make out her muffled attempt to lighten the mood and smirked, trying not to feel the growing hurt of seeing her so upset. Severus moved to the side of the bed, holding in tears that mirrored her pain, and kicked the open trunk away. He knelt on the bed and pushed her on to her side, holding her tight the moment she sat up for a hug.

He stroked her hair and bit his lip. “It only seems hard now.” He swallowed thickly. “Trust me, you’ll forget you even want me around.” He forced out a chuckle. “You might even forget I exist.”

Her hands clawed his back, pulling him closer. He let her pull him onto the bed, careful not to crush her with his weight, and allowed her arms to keep him in her sweet embrace. She was still crying into his neck and all he could do was kiss her head and press his hands into her back, pulling himself closer. As much as his heart broke when she cried, a small part of him warmed at the idea of being wanted so bad it hurt.

He was used to his brain turning on him, trying to convince him she didn’t actually care for him, despite checking to make sure he’d eaten when she got back from work, asking how he’d slept every morning, and every other little show of affection. It often times told him the small frown she wore was because of him, something he’d done wrong, despite her whole face brightening at the sight of him. All summer he’d felt like he was sitting on the edge of his seat, dreading the day she’d wake from her trance and leave him. It was hard to accept his luck when all his life he’d had anything but that.

And now here she was under him, crying over the pain she swears she’ll feel not seeing him every day… and he can’t help but want to cry over just being loved so openly and plainly. He felt guilty.

It won’t last. He closed his eyes and held her closer to him, attempting to focus on her rugged breaths of sorrow and not the cruel words ringing in his ears. We’ve only spent three months together, no one could ever feel this way for me in such a small amount of time… Not me… Not Snivellus… Not ever.

She’ll forget about me after the first month apart – less even. I’ll only cause her pain for a handful of weeks and then… then she’ll be perfectly fine without me. He pulled away as her sobs calmed and kissed her smooth salty lips with the same longing he knew he’d feel the whole almost ten long months without her. “Everything will seem normal in a matter of months. I promise you won’t feel this for long.”

She wiped her eyes and gently pushed him off her, curling up to his side and shook her head. “No. It’ll hurt this bad and worse.” She sniffed and draped her arm over his middle, pulling him closer. “Will you go over the plan again?”

He nodded. “We’ll write letters every day. You’ll visit me every weekend at the Three Broomsticks. And twice on as many weekends as I can.”

She lifted her head and kissed his chin. When she pulled away, she was finally smiling up to her eyes behind her glimmering tears. “Promise me?”

The way she looked at him, with love and hope and need, made him want to melt on the spot. I promise you anything. He swallowed. “Of course.”

She pulled away and she was no longer smiling, instead searching his eyes for something. “I really will miss you, Sev.”

He nodded and sat up, feeling the strange tightness in his chest again. He felt goosebumps on his arm despite feeling no chills, and his shirt seemed oddly restricting again. “I’ll make us dinner. Anything you wish.” He kissed her cheek and turned away, swinging his legs over the bed. He stood and crossed the room to the door, opened it, and left, giving her just enough time to mumble ‘something creamy’ before he closed the door with a snap.

~ * ~ * ~

Severus stood over his trunk and started unpacking his things. The chamber was quiet and cold with new shining webs decorating the corners and connecting rows upon rows of glass jars. The fireplace cracked in the corner, vaguely illuminating the cavity he called his office, filling the air with the scents of cherry firewood, thickly sweet.

I should thank her for the new wood. She’ll surely gloat about being right, though just imagining her smiling is enough to be worth it. Severus grinned to himself and took out a folded piece of parchment where he’d been keeping notes on what to send in his letters since he’d left her at Kings Cross station. He jotted down the ‘thank you for the new fire wood’ she’d snuck into his trunk to help him relax and slipped it back into his vest.

“Ah, Severus. Finally here I see,” McGonagall’s voice echoed in. She stood on the threshold with hands on her hips, looking around at the state of things. “You’re normally on the first train back – You will be dusting won’t you? I’d give you my spell, but as you so kindly pointed out last year, it’s inelegant wording might disorganize your… ‘systemized assortment of components’… or as I call it – clutter.”

Severus rolled his eyes and faced her. “I had business.”

She arched her brow. “I see. Well welcome back, and I suggest you get started with Poppy soon, unfortunately several vials went bad over the summer – something about cheap valerian and the Ministry’s fat pockets – she’s been raging about it since she arrived. Afterwards I think Pomona’s having trouble reviving her oleanders.”

Severus nodded and waited until the crisp clacking of her heels could no longer be heard before gathering what he needed and headed out to his usual pre-term duties as the school’s only Potions Master.

After a long night of replenishing the hospital’s stocks, an early morning brewing Come-’Round serum, and an annoying evening spent with Sprout and her plants, dinner rolled around and he hardly noticed the maddening levels of screaming and laughing and talking coming from the house tables full of old and new students.

“Severus,” McGonagall drew his sleepy attention to her. “Albus mentioned you expressed an interest in taking over monitoring the corridors at night.” She took a sip from her goblet.

Severus frowned. “I mentioned the need to double down on dawn and dusk hours. Not – ”

“That is a marvelous idea. I’m sure you will keep plenty of nosy students out of trouble this year.” She sipped her goblet again.

Severus blinked several times at her. “D-did you just hand over the entire position to me?”

She continued drinking as if he hadn’t spoken and turned back to her food, glancing over at him every so often to check if he was still glaring at her.

Severus grumbled to himself and turned back to his food. I miss ONE meeting and suddenly every tedious responsibility is handed off to me. Of course.

Soon the Great Hall was emptied of students as their prefects led them to their houses and Severus prepared himself for a short night’s rest. He spent three hours walking between corridors from one house entrance to the next, catching at least five students out after hours walking about the castle in the dead of night, and two in the early hours before the sun rose.

He sat back at the high table with a groan and stretched out his legs. The morning light filtered through the tessellated windows high above the tables and reflected off the maple-glazed sausages and glittering butter that melted over his toast.

A familiar wood owl soared down and landed on the top rail of his chair, hooting happily with an elegantly ribbon-wrapped note clutched tight in his foot. Severus suppressed a grin, keeping his usual scowl plastered over his face, and took the note, quickly unraveling it from its pink satin bindings.

2 September

My dearest Severus,

You have not replied to the letter I sent yesterday. How was the train ride and our first night apart in months? I missed you more than you could ever imagine. You said I’d be glad to have the bed to myself, but for the second night in a row I have missed your warmth and your embrace. I fear to even wash the sheets and erase your all too alluring scent… Although I will. When did we last wash them? A week ago? Please fake your death and come back to me.

Love,

Your already forgotten girlfriend.

‘Girlfriend’, his heart skipped as his eyes reread the word. He felt a strange forgotten ache deep in his core, of sleepless nights as a student wondering if he’d ever have someone to call his. It was within these very stone walls that he’d muttered curses under his breath at any student that pointed out the fact he was alone and would forever be alone. He’d been wrong, and it was a pain he wished he could go back and relieve from his younger self. He took out his quill, flipped the note over and smoothed it’s curves on the dark oak table.

2 September

My unforgettable girlfriend,

I’ve officially taken over monitoring the corridors at night. It seems McGonagall is trying to remedy my insomnia with hours of walking the halls like a soul-lost mummy in the deep caverns of Khufu’s temple. I caught seven just last night, and apparently my reprimands were deemed ‘unfair’ and ‘dumb’ by these pests we call students.

Severus

He paused.

Also, thank you for the logs. They were nice, but I will switch them out soon for something more menacing.

He folded the note and handed it back to her owl, who had been intently watching his quill feather jitter as he wrote. Her owl took the note in its beak and joined the dozens of other owls leaving through the windows.

Although the letter had suppressed his stress for a few minutes, it soon bubbled back up as the bells rang for the start of lessons. As he’d expected, none of the students had done an ounce of studying over the summer, resulting in the floors being covered in melted stirring rods, the high ceilings dripping with fluorescent watery syrup, and six cracked cauldrons from high-tempered concoctions.

But of course I’M the one writing to the ministry about replacing six cauldrons. If it were up to me, each one of those brats responsible would be writing apology letters begging for new cauldrons themselves. He started writing out the letter towards the Ministry’s Educational Mayhem Funds Committee explaining the need for new ones and how he would supposedly prevent the need for more. Perhaps suggesting teaching dogs instead is not a reasonable approach.

He skipped dinner and by the time it was a quarter to nine, he set out patrolling the corridor and this time checked every broom-closet twice. He slept, and by dawn was up again, pacing floors until the smell of eggs and citrus filled the passageways, wafting in from the kitchen vents.

Breakfast, he sighed. He made his way down and took his usual seat. At some point between his first and second poached egg-topped buttered crumpet the familiar aspen-feathered owl landed on his chair, delivering a newly ribboned note.

3 September

My hardworking boyfriend,

I do not envy those under your authority. I’m sure in the coming week, everyone will remember how strictly you rule the corridors and classrooms and will choose to stop breaking the rules. Perhaps slapping the desk harder while you yell will really make them quiver in their shoes. Speaking of heavy hands… will I see you at the end of this week? I miss visiting Hogsmeade and especially the butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks. This weekend will be a MUCH needed break from work and everything that reminds me of my boss’s red warty face. He’s driving me mad. Come down and hex him for me, won’t you Sev?

Yours always,

A previous pest.

Severus chuckled and replied immediately.

Do not tease, especially since the weekend is two days away – it feels like a lifetime when imprisoned within these walls. I shall see about a room at the Three Broomsticks. Regardless, Saturday for lunch. Noon exactly.

Severus

He handed the owl her note and stuffed the new ribbon in his pocket with the other. ‘Heavy hands’. He pressed his elbows to the table and his fists to his growing grin. He was sure Sprout would let him pick a few of her bluebonnets to take with him. It’d be a lovely surprise he was sure she’d more than appreciate.

He pushed away from the table and made his way out of the Great Hall towards the dungeons. His first lesson of the day was in a few hours. The first years are probably running Pomphrey dry on the Dreamless Sleep elixir. She’ll likely ask me about it this weekend… If I get started on it now –

The library doors opened and a shrill voice called out to him. “Oh! Professor Snape!” The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher came marching up to him with a determined look about her. “I was told to seek your advice – Professor if you have the time.”

Severus kept from rubbing at his temples and breathed out in what almost sounded like a groan. “In what are you seeking council?”

The new professor shook her head, her large bun bobbing from side to side, and placed her hands on her hips. “The library does not stock extra copies of the books I have assigned as required textbooks. I was told you’d had this problem when you first began teaching?”

Do not remind me. “Ah… yes. The library will not stock books outside the Ministry’s recommended reading. You could try convincing… Dumbledore,” the word rolled off his tongue distastefully. “But the Headmaster prefers leaving it up to the professors to figure out.” Severus turned to leave.

The woman laughed. “Is that your advice? Figure it out myself?”

Severus turned back and narrowed his eyes. “If the books you are seeking… are not stocked. Then they are not from the list the Ministry has provided you – as I’m sure you know, as we receive updated lists every summer. That means either your book is considered too dangerous – ”

“It’s not! I would hardly call unicorns and counter-clockwise counting clocks dangerous when – ”

“Or,” Severus interrupted, lowering his voice to a dangerous whisper. “They are too expensive. If some students cannot afford the textbooks, then it is your job to provide them or incorporate them into a learning plan.” Severus turned on his heels and started walking briskly down the dungeon stairs.

“And am I supposed to make a learning plan after term has already begun!”

He kept walking without turning back. “That IS the situation you find yourself in. Yes,” he yelled back. How many more of these incompetent teachers will Hogwarts endure before Dumbledore allows me the position? Talk about maddening ‘bosses’.

Severus hadn’t even sat in his chair for more than a few minutes before his fireplace burned with flames alit with minor Floo powder.

“Severus.” McGonagall’s voice drawled from within the flames.

Severus pinched his eyes closed. “Minerva,” he hissed.

“As much as I enjoy watching new teachers flop around from task to task, it is not me that applies for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position every summer. Perhaps showing some initiative would propel Albus to take you more seriously next year.”

He could hear the amused smile in her voice. He seethed in his chair for a minute. “Last time I ‘showed initiative’ I was given the whole bloody task. I am NOT filling my schedule with her poor attempt at education.” He thought for a moment. “Unless.”

McGonagall sighed. “What do you want, Severus.”

“I will be gone this weekend. Saturday and Sunday… And sometimes other weekends as well.”

The bright green flames flickered over the cherry firewood and a log fell, sparking tinier flames for a few seconds before the larger ones engulfed them.

“Alright.”

The fire cracked and then died down to the normal short flames that he liked. Well that solves that.

~ * ~ * ~

Severus stared at the densely grown purple wildflowers that filled the smallest planter in the greenhouse. The cool blues and purples of the bonnet-shaped petals made his mouth turn up in a smile, mirroring the very same one he knew he’d receive if he showed up to his date with these in hand. He clipped diagonal cuts into the stems and wrapped them in the two ribbons he’d kept from her letters. The pure pink of the ribbons shined brightly among the mellow blues of the flowers. Perfect.

Severus carefully tucked the bouquet in his inner cloak pocket and headed out towards the gate. Not feet from the door of the greenhouse he heard Madam Pomphrey calling his name from the castle doors.

“Ah! Severus! Glad to catch you before you left.” She waited for Severus to approach her. “The first years have just about drained my supplies of Dreamless Sleep. Minerva suggested having some flown in from that new shop across from Zonkos but I refuse to give the students anything I wouldn’t just make myself.”

Then why have ME make it? Severus sighed. “Of course… I’ll have that for you Monday.”

“No sooner?”

Severus refrained from frowning. “No sooner.” He turned – noticing Pomphrey’s eyes glancing down at the purple pollen smudged on his black cloak – and headed towards the gate.

~ * ~ * ~

Hogsmeade was busier now than it was when Hogsmeade trips started for students. He guessed it was because there was only one month during the year where there were no loud and screaming children bumping into people out on the streets or taking up unnecessary room in shops. If he’d realized just how pact the day would be, he’d have suggested meeting in the room he had gotten instead of out on the street.

He sat on one of the benches near the Three Broomsticks and took out his small journal, hunching over to see his small writing. On Mondays and Wednesdays I can help plan defense lessons in the mornings, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays will have to be in the evenings, so those days will have to be plans for the following day which means this Monday or Wednesday I’ll have to help plan two lessons… Sunday I can get back early… I’ll only be able to brew a fourth of the stock… I can catch up on it next Sunday if my visits with her are just Saturdays… at least for only a week or two. He quickly scribbled down his plans.

Two hands pulled his hair up out of his eyes, and he found himself staring at a pair of shiny heels. He trailed his eyes up her legs and looked up, squinting at her smiling face already diving down for a kiss on his forehead.

“Sorry I’m late.”

Severus quickly stood and took out the flowers he’d picked just for her.

She smiled so bright her eyes glowed with delight. “Sev!” She took them and jumped onto him, clinging onto his neck.

He felt his face go red and cleared his throat, acutely aware of just a few stares pointed their way. She didn’t let go of him, however. She held on tight and all he wanted was to breath her in so desperately. To pick her up and twirl her and never let go, but there were so many people. He forced a simple hug and pulled her away. The room! It should be available already.

“What’s that little smile on your face for?” She arched a brow, hugging her flowers tight.

Severus bent down and pushed her silky hair behind her ear, gently tracing his lips on the soft ridges of her ear. “Room? Now?” Am I a barbarian? I haven’t seen her all week and all I can muster are two single-syllable words? He pulled back and watched as her teeth bit down her plump lower lip.

“Take me away, Severus,” she whispered.

His brain had turned into dense fog and all he could think to do was nod and take her hand, leading her inside. He slinked past groups of people thunderously enjoying their early morning drinks and up the stairs, gripping her hand tight, making sure not to lose out on a single second of feeling her skin on his.

He pulled out his key and slipped it in the lock, turning it until it clicked, and opened the door. The room had a single bed and closed curtains, which was really all they would need tonight. What if she was expecting something better? He couldn’t afford any of the nicer, larger rooms available.

He turned and watched her saunter in, paying no attention to the room and only to him as he closed the door with his heel. Her intense sultry eyes eyed him up and down as she bit her lip, taking him in like a cold sweet treat left out for her to have on a hot summer’s day. His face went red again, and he could remember the feel of her hands all over him, begging him to give himself to her to do with at her whim.

Did she lick her lips? He swallowed.

“My Severus,” she whispered.

Mind blank, he lunged for her lips and they both fell onto the bed. His hands roamed over the fabric of her dress, outlining her figure with a yearning need. She moaned and squirmed under him, making his temperature rise with desire. In one swift move, she had him pinned down, her knees straddling his hips. Her lips teased light bruises onto his neck and a deep moan escaped his mouth.

Before the new hour had even struck, they were already under the covers in an embrace deeper than ever before. Physically, the positions were the same, needy and wild; emotionally, his soul couldn’t get enough. Her scent, her touch, every minute sound that escaped her lips, breathy or fierce, sent a fire down his body. He’d missed her so much.

“Severus!” she moaned in his ear, holding him down with a shaky grip. Her body tensed with pleasure and finally relaxed onto him, limp with euphoria.

He shivered and closed his eyes, keeping the same steady rhythm that had undone her. His hands gripped her hips and pushed her down as his heels dug into the mattress and his own hips pressed up. She was huffing in his ear, moaning, whimpering. And with the same sudden flowing energy, he followed in her pleasure. He wrapped his arms around her as the waves washed over him and hugged her tight as their breaths caught and their rhythmic movements ceased, fully satisfied.

He smiled and chuckled, laughing louder as her giggles bubbled out as well. “The room was a good idea.”

“I see you can form sentences once again.” She laughed and pushed herself up to kiss his face.

He blushed, wishing she hadn’t noticed how utterly speechless her presence had left him in only a single week of not seeing her. “Yes – well – ” Merlin, a sentence! Finish a sentence. He cleared his throat. “Lunch? Er – Would you like to send for some lunch to have in here?”

She bit her lip, poorly hiding a wide grin, and nodded. “You can go order for me. I’ll be right back.” She took her clothes and headed into the bathroom, leaving the door ajar like she always did before a shower.

He dressed quickly, headed down to the bar and ordered two meals and a few drinks. It only took a few minutes to receive his order despite the crowd of wizards and witches sitting at tables talking with friends. He flicked his wand and the meal led the way back up the stairs and into the room.

The rest of the day was spent eating and laughing on the bed, talking about mainly her work or things she’d added to his house – or ‘the’ house as they had been ‘sneakily’ calling it. He liked it, maybe this summer it could be ‘our’ house. After several drinks and hours spent in each other’s arms, they got ready for bed.

Severus wrapped his arms around her, squeezing them between the mattress and her back, and rested his head on her chest. He closed his eyes as she played with his long hair, curled it in her fingers, and smoothed it out with her palm. Within seconds sleep seeped into every corner of his mind.

~ * ~ * ~

Although breaking the news that he had to leave early that Sunday had soured their last hours together, Severus felt far more relaxed as the week went on. His memories of her warmth and softness were renewed and he could put more focus into his work, knowing what the ends of the weeks would more or less look like now.

Of course he had told her that the following weekend date would have to be canceled if only to ensure that the rest would remain free. He still had potions to restock in the hospital wing that took several days to brew single batches. And that lesson plan, he grumbled to himself.

The full week that followed had felt like one long trek up a mountain, only to reach the peak and see more mountain to climb. The weekend was spent slumped over one of his brewing tables with an elbow dug into the wood and his head glued to his palm. He stirred and stirred for hours, waited for the potion to turn purple, and then stirred for longer.

He ran his hands through his hair, trying to replicate the feel of her fingers brushing through his greasy tendrils, and sighed, wiping his hand on his trousers. The room was quiet except for the slow pop of bubbles and he knew if she’d been in the room he’d have had to demand she leave, unable to brew under the tight squeeze of her hugs. He lifted his head off his palm and wrapped his arm around his middle, hugging himself close as his other hand stirred.

Once the tall jars were filled and stoppered, he walked them down to Madam Pomphrey’s office and headed to dinner. His eyes narrowed on a group of students suspiciously whispering to each other. Hufflepuffs. It was no coincidence dessert tonight was the Hufflepuff favorite, honey-stuffed bear biscuits. Their house door was only a corridor away from the kitchens and there was always left overs of this particular dessert for some reason. Sprout denied having anything to do with it, Of course.

He waited in his office watching the clock and smiled as the hands marked the start of After Hours. He stood and smoothed out his teaching robe, preparing for an eventful night of patrolling. He started with the other houses first, going from top floors to the bottom, and allowing the Hufflepuffs plenty of time.

He finished his dungeon rounds and headed up to the main corridor. He crossed it with a light stroll, and turned the few corners into the Hufflepuff and kitchen passageway. The kitchen door was left ajar, and a creamy warm light seeped into the shadows. Severus stalked through the dark and pushed the heavy kitchen door wider, observing the chaos in secret.

Six Hufflepuffs stuffed the cookies into sheer golden bags and tied them around their hips by the stings like valued coin. Two were reaching for the jars of deep golden syrup placed high above cabinets while the others overloaded the biscuits with slices of grilled pear chunks.

He stepped into the kitchen and held his hands behind his back, glaring at the back of their heads. He could see their shoulders tense one by one until they all stopped their movements and turned around ever so slowly.

Severus licked his lips and lowered his voice to a growl. “Detentions. Scrubbing cauldrons and boiling devilpods.” Severus flicked his wand and every last treat disappeared from their sticky hands. He marched them to their house door and slammed it hard behind them.

He was half way to his office when it suddenly dawned on him. Six detentions? Where in Merlin’s shiny bald head would he fit six hours of detention supervision in his schedule? His hands fisted at his sides and an angry growl roared out of him into the darkness.

“Shhh!” A portrait hushed from up the nearest stairs.

Potions. Severus stalked down the dungeons stairs. Lesson Plans. He threw his office door open. Detentions! He slammed the door shut and glared as a jar threatened to topple off his shelf. “When does it end!” he snarled.

It was two weeks into the first term and his patience had already run dry. If he wasn’t going to see her this weekend either, then there was no reason to hold out on punishments for misbehaving brats. There was no more scraping the bottom of the barrel for mercy for any student or coworker.

His words dripped with venom, his actions were sharp, and what little restraint he had shriveled and died. Everywhere he went the whispers followed, ‘Careful, Professor Snape is coming this way.’

~ * ~ * ~

20 September

Of course. Next weekend it is then. I miss you, Sev.

Yours Always

Severus sighed and pinched his eyes closed. The guilt in his gut had clawed its way into his veins and was now circulating his whole body, making him cold with worry. This was the second weekend he canceled on her and after expecting anger, she’d delivered a short but loving message showing how much patience she had for him.

20 September

I’m sorry. I miss you too. I’m sorry, truly.

Yours, Severus

He handed his reply to one of the school owls in the owlry and watched it fly off into the greying sky. The wind was chilly as it brushed passed his nose and hair, sending goosebumps down his arms. He stuck his hands in his pockets and squeezed his eyes shut as more guilt shivered up his core. She hadn’t yet mentioned the fact he wasn’t replying every day to her letters anymore, and that made him all the more scared. Was that her way of telling him she had expected he wouldn’t keep up with his promise?

Merlin, I’m an awful boyfriend. He forced a trembling laugh. Couples were supposed to hug and kiss and lay in each other’s arms and talk often weren’t they? He didn’t know anymore. It had seemed so easy over the summer. He’d felt so proud when she called him her boyfriend, especially when he knew he was doing everything right. Bringing her flowers, helping her with work, complimenting her every morning and night before and after work. He’d felt he earned the title.

But I don’t deserve it now. He barely talked to her, had broken all his promises, kept canceling on her, I keep disappointing her. He began walking down the spiraling stairs down the owlry, hardly taking in his surroundings, mind haunted by his past. Words floated in his head, voices that made him tense with rage. ‘Stop lookin’ Snivellus. You’ll never find a girl who’ll ever want you.’ The walk from the owlry to the dungeons was a tormented blur.

His office glowed green as the fireplace flames waved on an old burnt log, an inch high and ready to fizzle out. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and picked up one of the cherry wood cuts. He wrapped his arms around it and carried it into his room, placed it in the fireplace, and shot red sparks from his wand into it.

It caught fire instantly and soon a thick sweet scent filled the air. He wrapped his cloak around himself, still feeling the cold chill from the outside, and fell onto his mattress, pressing his face into his pillow. He welcomed the summer memories, allowing them to fill every crevice of his mind.

He missed the way she looked at him. Missed the way his heart skipped every time she did. He closed his eyes tighter and started to sob into his pillow. I miss her hugs. I miss her warmth. He couldn’t even explain to himself how much he missed just rambling to her about small unimportant things and blushing when she actually paid attention to him. It was hard to experience the fullness of their relationship over letters and two-day visits alone. And even harder now that he couldn’t even keep up with that.

He wiped his face and huffed roughly, turning onto his back. He felt exhausted and depleted and it didn’t take any effort at all to close his eyes. He gave one final sigh and – Fuck. I have essays to grade.

~ * ~ * ~

28 September

I’ll see you soon! Same room, order dinner, bring it up, and close your eyes! No peeking and no barging in! I’ve got a little surprise…

Severus smiled and put the letter in his pocket. He picked up the bronze key that she’d slipped into the envelope and ran his finger over the smooth edges. She’d picked the same room he had gotten them. Either she was as broke as he, Or that room actually meant something to her now. He leaned back in his office chair and crossed his arms, holding the key close to his heart.

There was a knock at the door and he quickly slipped the key in his pocket and sat forward. “Enter.”

McGonagall pushed the door open. She stepped in and sighed happily, looking around at his dusted shelves and turned, quickly erasing her look of satisfaction. “Well, Severus. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I must. Your requests to hold the meetings for week days next month have been denied. There are too many teachers and everyone is busy most class days.”

Severus gave her no response and stared at his hands as they began to tremble. He squeezed them into fists and pressed them to his knees.

She looked him over from across the room and frowned. “However, like always, Hogsmeade visits will be kept free… The meetings will be held on the weekends between Hogsmeade visits, and there are only two…” She stood for a few seconds, still looking at him, as if having expected some note of frustration from him, or any sort of disgruntled response. “You’ll only be missing two weekends…”

“I’ll have missed four in total by next month,” he whispered.

McGonagall crossed the room and waved her hand over the empty space in front of his desk, summoning one of her office chairs to sit in. “Might I ask what it is you’re missing out on?”

Severus leaned away and kept his eyes down, his hair falling over his face like protective curtains. McGonagall and him had never talked about anything other than lessons, Hogwarts, or the Ministry. She hardly knew anything about him and he had never asked a thing about her.

“Does it have something to do with whoever you gave those flowers to?” She smiled when he scowled at her. “Poppy might have mentioned…”

Severus looked away again, deciding to fix his energy on glaring at his burnt fire log and the bit of charred entrails he’d accidently dropped last time he prepared a potion in here.

McGonagall stood up and waved her hand over her chair. “I’ll see to it that after October, you get the weekends free, as you requested.” She looked around at his unswept floor and tisked. “Let me know if you need that spell I mentioned.” She fixed her emerald green hat and left his office.

Severus stared at the door and nodded. He had no doubt she’d keep her word. Some bad news… but mainly good? Maybe I won’t entirely ruin tonight with this.

~ * ~ * ~

The Three Broomsticks was just as crowded as before, except the wizards all looked like they’d stopped bothering to take any sort of sobering tonics. Severus ordered their dinner, sparing no expense. Cheesy onion rings, three types of dips, a lettuce salad, fruit salad, battered fish with onion gravy and mash, toad in the hole, two drinks, and garlic chips to share. It was a feast of everything she loved and anything she could be in the mood for tonight and anything they wouldn’t eat he was sure she’d be glad to take back with her.

He waved his wand and followed the trays up the stairs, hissing at rowdy wizards that almost bumped into the food as he went, and stood outside the door. He closed his eyes and knocked. He heard it open and a surprised gasp.

“Are we dining with the Queen?”

Severus’ lips pulled up into a coy grin. “I’m dining with a queen.”

She giggled and pulled him in by his cloak and shut the door behind him. She slid her arms around him from behind and pressed her chin into his shoulder, holding him close. Her breath fanned over the ridges of his ear as she spoke low and quiet. “Then you are my king.”

Severus bit his lips and opened his eyes. There were a few candles hovering around the room and red sparkling petals on the floor. He could feel himself shaking with anticipation and before he could tempt himself, he moved forward and placed the trays of food on the table by the closed curtains.

“Turn around, Sev.”

He let out a shaky breath. Whatever the surprise. I don’t deserve this. He swallowed and spun on his heel slowly, dragging his sight along the floor and stopped at her silver heels. His eyes trailed up her legs, her curves, her glowing face, and flowing hair. She wore silver lace that sparkled with her eyes and a sheer flowing green night gown with feathers at the cuffs and hem of the wide trail.

A heat started burning at his core, and his face flushed red with color. She was wearing his house colors again and an immediate rush of greed flowed through his veins. Since he was young it had been instilled in him what those colors meant. Silver and green were a Slytherin’s pride, a Slytherin’s territory, it meant it was Slytherin owned.

He trailed his gaze all over her body. “Mine,” he growled.

She bit her lip and slowly let the sheer gown drop and pool at her feet. He crossed to her and let his hands roam over her soft skin and plump curves, squeezing and gripping with need and want. She pressed herself closer, putting pressure on his hardened member and looked up at him. He met her eyes and whimpered; her eyes sparkled with a wildness that sent shivers down his spine.

“I need you,” he huffed, his voice low. He reached down and squeezed her curves, pressing her closer into him, feeling the pressure on him mount and the tense heat between them rise.

“I need you too, my wonderful boyfriend,” she whispered.

His breath caught in his throat. ‘Wonderful boyfriend.’ He looked at the deep red petals on the bed and pulled away. He squeezed his hands together, trying to stop the shaking but all it did was make it spread down his whole body.

She frowned with concern. “Severus?”

His breath came out in huffs and he squeezed his eyes shut, feeling hot stinging tears run down his icy cheeks, cold with dread. I have to tell her now. I can’t wait ‘till after. I can’t… I can’t –

“Severus?” she repeated more urgently and pressed her palms to his jaw. She ran her thumbs over his cheeks and wiped away the river of tears. “Tell me,” she whispered.

He sniffed and sat on the edge of the bed, bending his head low enough for his hair to fall forward, shielding him from the world. “I’m not a good boyfriend,” he sobbed. “I haven’t been responding to your letters… I’ve been canceling our dates… And – I have to cancel two more. I can only see you during Hogsmeade visits next month and – ”

She sat next to him on the bed and pulled him into her, rubbing her hand up and down his back gently. “I know you’re busy, Sev. That doesn’t make you a bad boyfriend. Your job as a professor keeps you in the castle… and that’s ok…”

“It’s not ok…” He wrapped his arm around her waist and pressed his nose into the crook of her neck. “You were crying all summer and I promised you – ”

“I was just scared, Sev. I’m so sorry. I was so upset and I missed you so much already that I made you promise me something you couldn’t keep, just to make myself feel better…”

He nuzzled closer and ran his hand down her arm.

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Sev. I should have asked you to send me notes and messages only when you had time… I shouldn’t have put you in a position to cancel dates we’d planned before the school year even started… You’re everything I want. I promise… Dates on Hogsmeade visits sound wonderful.”

He sobbed once more, taking in her words. He didn’t feel she had any hate or loathing, only understanding and care for him. He wasn’t used to this. I don’t deserve her. And yet here she was, giving herself to him, accepting him, caring for him, even after he’d broken his promise and disappointed her countless times. He let his nose trail up her neck and pressed his lips to her warm skin. She tilted her head in response, exposing more of her neck for him and all he could think to do was kiss her tender skin harder.

She giggled and pushed him away with a wink. She moved herself up the bed and laid back against the pillows, moving her finger to motion him over. He followed her, kicking off his shoes and kissed her lips, exploring her mouth with his tongue. He crouched over her, cornering her, and moaned when her legs wrapped around his waist. Her hands ran up and down his thighs as his own hands tore at the delicate lace she wore, unwrapping her like a gift.

He leaned down and began marking her with needy kisses, leaving red marks all over her chest and replacing the ones that disappeared with newer ones. She held him close, encouraging more as her hands played with his long hair. He let his tongue slide out and licked over sensitive areas with hunger. With every moan she gave he grew harder, finally needing to undo the buttons of his constricting trousers.

Her hands found him, and released him from his pants. He groaned and pressed himself against her while her fingers got to work on the buttons of his jacket, vest, and shirt. He slid himself between her lips only, rocking himself, groaning as their bodies began to grind with eagerness.

He tore his mouth away from hers and shrugged off his clothes quickly, sliding off his trousers and pants and threw everything out of his way, unable to keep from her any longer. He closed his eyes and moaned as he slid in slowly, enjoying himself fully. He looked down and pulled back out just as slow and made sure he was fully slicked and glistening before pushing back in all the way and cuddling into her open arms.

“I love you Sev,” she moaned.

He moved his hips slow as he held her, savoring every sensation. He was warm and secure in her arms, like he often felt when they cuddled in bed after long days. He hugged her close and closed his eyes, moaning into her neck with every push he gave. He felt close to her, confident in their shared affection for each other and he realized there was never anything to fear. He moaned and trembled in her embrace as he built up their pleasure slow and steady, knowing soon the romantic mood would dissolve into pure lust and need. He needed to show her how much he loved her with every pleasurable push he gave.

She’s getting wetter, he couldn’t help but notice. Nor could he help the sudden throb he gave at that thought. I need her. He pushed his hips harder and whimpered at her moan. Her hands tangled in his hair and pulled, sending a jolt of electricity down his spine. The slow give and take of his movements turned into hard pounds sending more vivid waves of pleasure throughout his body and hers.

Severus pressed into her, holding her tighter, pounding faster, making sure every wave was immediately replaced by the next. He groaned and held her locked in place as every ripple of pleasure was followed by his name moaned in his ear. He breathed out shakily as her legs wrapped around his waist squeezed tighter and her back arched. Her nails raked across his back as he pounded harder, faster, until her breath caught and her muscles stiffened.

He throbbed as she tightened around him and pushed harder as she relaxed under his weight, letting him press his body back into her inviting curves that cushioned him so perfectly. His breathing was rugged, gasping, trying hard to hold out longer, feeling the pleasure begin to boil over. He dug his face into her neck as the final tidal wave crashed over him and the perfect rhythm he had going broke with every throb he gave deep inside her.

“You’re made for me,” he gasped, shuddering as the wave washed over every nerve in his body. He relaxed completely and her arms held him tighter as she rubbed slow circles on his back.

She pushed his chin up with her finger and kissed his nose. “We’re made for each other. Soulmates.” She whispered.

The message from fate couldn’t be any clearer as they caught their breathes and breathed each other in. They had thoroughly enjoyed not only each other’s bodies, but their hearts and souls as well in this blissful evening.

~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

Masterlist

(Part 4 of The Crystal Ball)

—–

@wow-life-love4

@x-avantgarde-x

@dandyrua

----

General taglist:

@setsuna-meiou31

@severuslovebot

@bionic-otp

—–

Thank you to those who requested a fourth part and for all the lovely comments on part three and messages in my ask box (which I will answer in the coming days :D )!

#severus snape #pro snape #severus #snape #severus snape x reader #severus snape x you #severus x reader #severus x you #snape x reader #snape x you #snape fanfic #snape one shot #snape x fem!reader #severus snape one shot #snape fanfiction #one shot #fanfic #fan fiction #snapedom

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capituloperdido1 · 3 years

Text

ACOSAS

Chapter 4

Happy Wednesday everyone! i apologize for the following chapter, it might be a little slow because i am trying to move some of the plot forward.

I will make it up to you guys with a Mor and Emerie one-shot that will come up later today or early tomorrow! Let me know if you want to be tagged in that.

As always, enjoy and let me know if you want to be tagged!

Warnings: Mentions of violence, anxiety attacks.

Gwyn had awoken at sunrise; she had dreamt of her sister again, the last two weeks had been a repetition of the dream. After the night she had accidentally made a bargain with Azriel, she had begun to cope with the weight of the dream much better.

She put on her Valkyrie leathers on, ignoring the need in her chest to knock at Azriel's door. The shadowsinger had been practically sleeping at her door each night, waiting for her to scream, talk or run out of the door startled.

Today was different, she had awoken conscious that what she had seen in her dream was not reality. She had decided once her eyes were open that she would not bother Azriel, even if his company helped ease the terror in her guts as she thought of the voice of her sister pleading and screaming.

Today, she had decided to go run at the beach.

Gwyn had grown accustomed to roam in the palace by herself, and even leave without anyone to the coliseum and the gardens. The palace at the top of the Lux city seemed to have no one around at any time; that made her feel comfortable, and safe.

Walking down the sidewalk towards the beach, Gwyn admires the view of the dawn's sky in the reflection of the salt-water. There was such beauty on the Day Court, the waters were clearer, the grass and trees fertile and strong, the animals seemed to have brighter colors in their skins. She did not remember much of her time in Sangravah, but she knew that unlike the Night and the Day court, the temple had lacked brightness and color. Or maybe that was just how her mind remembered, she didn't know.

The beach of Lux was as white as every wall in every corner of the city, the sand was soft, the seashells were pink and purple. She wondered how other courts did not become envious at the sight of such magnificent landscapes. Rhysand had the biggest court and Tarquin the best weather, but there was no doubt that Helion had built the court to be the best at everything else.

As she began stretching for her run, she heard the roaring sound of steps behind her. A spark lit up in her chest, hoping for a certain winged-male to come up behind her.

-I see the shadowsinger finally left your side- Amanecer said.

Disappointed, but happy to have some company, she looked at the female with bright eyes, - i think its the other way around, i finally left his side-

Amanecer took seat besides her, her training clothes were the color aesthetic of the court; white, gold and beige combined in her leathers. Her long locks were tied with a black band in the back of her head. -Do you mind if i train with you?- she said.

-Not at all, i am used to having someone around anyways-.

As they stretched, Gwyn began practicing some breathing exercises for long-distance training. Valkyries had developed different breathing patterns for different types of training; each one of them to control your mind and muscles to sustain whatever work they would be put under.

-When Helion mentioned you were training as a Valkyrie i did not believe him- Amanecer said, -It has been centuries since someone recognized them as warriors. After they were massacred, it was as if everyone forgot about them. I thought no one had any records of them, i see i was wrong-.

-Did you know them?- Gwyn asked.

Amanecer smiled, -my girlfriend was a Valkyrie, her name was Fortis, she was also from Lux; she worked in the court with Helion and my mother. I was able to train with the Valkyries, i studied with them and almost became one. -

-Why didn't you?-

-I tried, but i was not able to pass the final test- Amanecer responded.

Gwyn frowned, -I have not heard of a final test in the Valkyrie records i have-.

-That's because this court has most of the records, Helion was able to save their scrolls after they were massacred. We have them in a special part of this library-.

Gwyn felt her eyes open wide and her mouth gaping, -Can i see them?! I have been searching for more stories about them! I want to be able to honor them in our training back home-.

Amanecer's eyes found hers, her smile spreading as she heard Gwyn -I will take you there after we take our run- She said as she stood, - i will also teach you how to continue to focus on your breathing as you exercise, that will help your organs get stronger. It will help you channel the strength of your movements-. Amanecer began running as she finished her sentence, not looking back.

Gwyn followed her, writing down all the questions she would ask the female later in the morning in her mind.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

-Look at this bastard- someone said. -He believes he has the right to see the light, he should be kept here all day. No one should be able to see him, it would shame our family-.

Male laughter startled him a he opened his eyes.

He was ready to dream about it today, he always was ready.

But as his eyes opened in the dream he did not see himself kneeling in the ground looking up at his brothers; he was standing, looking down at a frail boy with long-curly hair and small broken wings.

The boy looked up, his honey-golden eyes and sharp features revealing the face of his brother.

Cassian was looking up to him, blood on his nose, his hands extended towards Azriel as voices besides him laughed.

Azriel heard a bump, and another body was placed besides Cassian. Long, dirty blonde hair and small female body keeled in front of him.

Mor.

Her brown eyes showed despair, they looked at him pleading. She trembled as she saw him.

Both kids looked at him with fear; their bodies bruised and bloody, their hands extended.

He realized as he moved his hands towards them that he was not in control of his own body. That these were not his actions.

In his right hand he had a lit up torch, in his left he had oil.

One male grabbed Cassians hand's, pullling towards Azriel.

Unable to do or say anything, he dropped oil on top Cassians hands, he neared the torch to his tiny hands...

As Cassian screamed in pain, Azriel tried and failed to stop, move away from his brother.

But he couldn't.

It wasn't long until he did the same to Mor, watching her fall into her knees as the pain of being burnt consumed her.

In his mind, he screamed and tried with all his might to move away from them, to stop inflicting pain.

But as Azriel saw Cassian's and Mor's hands being burnt to open flesh, he realized that he was in the body of one of his brothers. He was finally the monster he always thought himself to be.

Shooting upright Azriel lifted himself from the bed, startled and with tears in his eyes. He moved towards the bathroom, looking for cold water that would confirm this was real.

He remember how vivid and real that dream had been, the smell of the room, the feeling of the torch and the oil in his skin. As if the dream had been a reality.

But looking down to his hands he confirmed that it had been just that. A dream.

As he prepared himself a bath, he began recalling every instance of the dream. It had not been normal, the realistic feel, the fact that he was seeing Cassian and Mor so clearly.

He had met Mor as a teen, never as a child.

Something was wrong.

He had begun to suspected when Gwyn told him that the nightmares with her sister had continued, that they got more and more realistic as each night passed. As if with each passing night, the dreams became more the reality; and one day, neither of them would be able to awake from his nightmares.

Azriel had never dreamt of being the one inflicting pain. Whenever he dreamt about his brothers or his mom being burnt, he was on the sidelines doing nothing. He was never torturing.

Something was wrong, and he would find out. Before the nightmares would make him and Gwyn never sleep again.

-.-.-.-.-.-.

Valkyries lived all across Prythian, they had a temple in every court, and all high lords had been forced to recognized them as warriors. According to the books Amanecer had lent her, Valkyries had been around for millennia; they had fought besides the High King, had endured the first wars and some of them had made it to some of the wars of the last five centuries.

To the world, they had been eradicated after a surprise attack in the war of five hundred years. Some of them had survived the war, going into exile from all societies. A few of the high lords of the time, Autumn, Dawn, Spring, and Night had trashed or burnt every record of their existence. Others, like the Summer and Day court, had taken the scrolls and weapons from certain temples in their courts into safe-houses.

There were theories that the attack had been an inside job from some courts that wanted to stop the females from gaining popularity among women in patriarchal societies.

In the night court, according to the law of 300 years ago, spreading the story of the Valkyries was prohibited and would be punished by death.

Some high lords had fought side by side with the warriors; Helion had been one of them. One of the scrolls revealed that the High Lord had mandated that all young women would have training in at least one form of Valkyrie fighting style. He had even made a female unit just for his safety.

As she read, she realized that all of Prythian had done an excellent job of forgetting the power and influence of the female warriors. Amanecer had explained that everything they owned concerning the Valkyries had to be protected because of certain groups that wanted to erase them from history.

The book she currently read revealed several locations around the country where temples had existed. Each Valkyrie temple specialized in one form of fighting, they trained for different weather conditions, enemies and defense strategies according to where the temple was located.

A symbol marked with silver ink marked the temple Gwyn guessed was the principle one, across borders of the Spring and Summer court:

The temple of Ivor is in a forest thick with trees, slippery leaves, and rough vines; with a hot and humid temperature. The combined scent of vegetation, moisture, soil, and decaying plants and wood will be overbearing as you walk towards it. The location of Ivor had been decided in order to maintain people away from it.

Ivor is a place were only few warriors live at, but all warriors must survive.

There is a creature, deep in this forest that will test your bravery and will. Not many are able to survive it.

Only the worthy will pass to Ivor, only the worthy will become Valkyrie.

Heavy and slow footsteps pulled her out of her reading trance, as she lifted her head, she was welcomed with the sight of a winged male with a face looking towards the floor and hair covering his honey eyes.

-What's wrong?- she asked him

He took a moment to respond, walking closer to her and closing some distance between them. -I had a bad night- he said quietly.

She stood, bringing a chair to her current space of work and tapping it so he would sit next to her. -Do you want to talk about it?-

-No.- He said, quiet and harsh.

-Hmm.... would you like to go relieve some stress?- she said, trying to lighten his mood.

-If you don't mind, i would like to go train right now. Maybe that would help- he answered.

She smiled slightly, and nodded. -Go Azriel, i am sure i can be by myself a little longer.-

Without saying anything else, Azriel turned his back to her and walked out of the library and left.

Gwyn tried to go back to reading, tried to involve herself into the story as much as she could. But she was failing to read more than one sentence without thinking back to Azriel and his sad eyes.

She was worried about him.

He took everything that happened to him too hard.

He thought of himself so low.

Sometimes, she worried that he would not be able to move on. That he was not going to ever be happy.

She stood, putting the books in a pile she would likely not come back to until the next day.

She walks toward the door with one goal in mind: she is going to make Azriel smile, no matter what.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The rock weights are heavy against Azriels sweaty shoulders, he squats low for the fiftieth time, trying to feel the pain as he releases all his emotions through the exercise.

He has been training for two hours, running, lifting, jumping and swimming. Doing everything in his power to stop thinking, stop picturing the nightmare in his mind.

He has not been able to.

-Oi! you're going to break your back if you lift more rocks man- Helion says.

He looks towards the high lord, dressed in his typical white robes and golden accessories. He carries a small envelope, he is coming towards him.

-I have good news my friend- he says, extending the paper towards him.

Azriel grabs the paper, and opens it without responding to Helion.

-It's an invitation to the next big event of Prythian, Cassian and Nesta are finally doing it. - Helion says,

Azriel had guessed that neither Cassian nor Nesta were going to come and give the invitation personally. They were probably too busy to stop by and check on them. Besides, the ceremony would be in less than a month; they were seeing them soon.

Azriel was glad that Cassian was not here, if he saw his brother he would probably fall down to his knees and beg him to forgive him. Forgive him for something he had not yet done.

-Thank you, Helion- Azriel said, going back to his training.

-What's got your wings on a twist now? - Helion asked

He rolled his eyes in response, -nothing, stop being such a busy body-

Helion smiled, getting dangerously close to him, -you use to like it when i was a busy body-.

Azriel couldn't help but to look at him amused, -stop flirting, you can't handle me- he dropped the weights and walked towards the water station. -Actually, i do have a question.... Have you had any unusual dreams, as of late? Anything that seems too real, to be true?-

The male looked at him surprised, -well... yeah. The last few weeks I've had terrible nightmares, I've barely been able to sleep-

-When did they start exactly-

-Well... when Rhys informed me that you guys were coming. At first they were just glimpses during my afternoon nap, but lately is every time i sleep. I feel like i am inside of the dream, actually living it. But, i wonder, why are you asking me?-

Azriel served the High Lord a cup of water, pouring one for himself, - Gwyn and i have been having them as well. She has been dreaming about the same thing nonstop. getting progressively worse. In my case, well, i had a nightmare that was out of the ordinary yesterday-.

-So what's the hunch?- Helion said.

-They are not normal, i think someone.... or something is causing them. And i think it has to do with the trove, the fact that we are looking for it. I think we should be careful, if there something that we should've learned by now is that magic is not subjective to what we know. There is so much that exists, so much we don't know about it. And we also have so much enemies, that we should not be surprised if they are doing something to us for trying to get somewhere we should not.-

Helion nodded, - alright, tell me what to do. I will help in any way i can, you're the spy after all-.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Azriel was stretching when Gwyn arrived.

She had guessed that he needed time by himself, but she was not giving up on talking to him yet.

-It seems as if an earthquake passed through this training field- she said, walking towards him.

He smiles as he looks up towards her, -I had to try out the equipment, before you go ahead and break it-.

Her heart flutters as he sees the half smile he throws her way, she had come all this way to make him smile and she had done it in less than two minutes. -I do not break the equipment, it is simply bad quality and using ti properly destroys it. The Night court is just too cheap to buy it-.

He stood, walking towards her as he used a towel to wipe the sweat off his brow. -I will tell your High Lord and Lady that you just called him cheap-

-You would not dare!- she said.

-Try me.-

She dropped her gaze slightly, feeling the heat rising to her cheeks at his proximity. -Are you... feeling better?- she asks, trying to ignore the filthy thoughts in her mind at the sight of the beautiful sweaty male in front of her.

His smile falters, -a little... I needed to sweat it out.-

-What happened? You were really affected by it- she says.

He stays quiet, looking deeply at her.

A minute passes, he does not answer. Instead, he exhales and says -we are working on our bargain today, there is something i want to show you-.

He does not want you to know, she realizes.

She drops the subject and smiles, -where? are we going today?-

-We are going to a board walk around the city, later tonight. It has some shops open, but it won't be crowded- he explains. -then tomorrow we can try to practice going near my mom. If you are comfortable flying towards the Night Court with me-.

-You know i wont back down, sounds like a deal shadowsinger- she said, leaving him to start getting ready for the night.

She wished she had Nesta besides her to get ready.

Nesta could've told her how in the mother she was to put on the dress she had in front of her.

The deep green gown decorated with white flowers had been a gift from her friend, who had encouraged to wear something other than her training clothes and her priestess robe. The dress was long, and it seem to be loose fitted with a somewhat tight bodice. The trick was to tight it in the back, the straps of the dress were supposed to form a corset like back that would be tight according to the body of the person using it.

She was nervous, freaking out even.

She could not believe she was finally going to a city, walking around with people besides her.

Two months ago this would have not happened, she would've never left the library. But now here she was, getting ready to hang out with the man she loved while also wearing normal clothes.

Gwyn looked at herself in the mirror, looking at the dress falling down to her knees, the long crimson hair that she had brushed so it would fall straight around her face. She looked different, powerful, pretty, happy.

Something is missing, she thought as she went towards her jewelry box.

She had not worn the pendant since it had arrived in her room all those months ago in solstice, it was the first gift she had received in the two years she had been in the library.

It was her most priced possession.

As she placed the flower pendant in her neck, she dreamt of finding whoever had given it to her. She had asked Nesta and Emerie about, both looking confused when she mentioned how it had arrived to her rooms.

The necklace was beautiful, the golden flower had a small amethyst stone as the center of the pendant making it delicate and elegant.

She looked at herself again, and smiled.

She gathered her courage and left the rooms, hoping this night would also bring her courage to get closer to the man waiting for her at the entrance of the palace.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The sky in Lux was rather overwhelming, during the day it was bright and it shined excessively. At night, the stars seemed like another sun came into view, many parts of the city did not need to use oil lamps to light up their streets, the stars bright enough.

Azriel hated seeing something so bright when he was trying to be as broody as possible.

Even with all the hours at the training field, he had not been able to forget or evade the pain in his chest as he thought of the dream that haunted him.

He was such a hypocrite, two weeks ago he followed Gwyn everywhere to make sure she would not suffer from her nightmares. But here he was, burying himself in his feelings and ignoring anyone who wanted to help him.

He knew Helion and Gwyn would not judge him by his dream, but he was too embarrassed and angry at himself to tell anyone what he had seen.

He should be smarter, knowing it was just that... a dream.

But it had felt so real.

He had actually wanted to send a letter to Cassian to ask if he was okay.

Mor... he would evade Mor for a little while more. When he saw her again he would probably not talk about his dream, but they would finally have that talk he had needed for so long.

Azriel ran his fingers through his hair, pulling some strands to make himself distract that feeling in his chest that had been messing with him since the morning.

He would start investigating, the dreams were not normal. There was something wrong and he would find out what, before he could see anyone else being hurt by his hands in his dreams.

He exhaled, letting his mind travel to the flashback of the dream. Drowning himself in the pain of being alive.

The doors at the palace entrance opened, and a gust of wind settling him into reality.

Light, fast step sounded nearer as he lifted his head.

-I am so sorry I'm late, i could not find this damn exit anywhere- Gwyn said.

His eyes widened as he took her in.

His shadows darken and begged him to fly towards her, embrace her.

She had change out of her training outfit into a beautiful green dress, her hair down and flowing as she ran towards him.

But what caught his attention was not the dress, or the shoes.

The priestess wore the pendant he had given her in solstice. The golden chain jumping up and down in her neck as she neared him.

He thought he heard Gwyn say something as she stopped in front of him. But he was not listening, focusing his stare in the neck of the woman in front of him.

Something in his chest fluttered, happiness rising in him for the first time in the day.

His stupid male pride growing, Gwyn was wearing something of his around her neck.

A declaration his mind was not ready to understand but his heart pushed forward.

He finally moved his eyes to see her, chocked with how only three weeks of being in a new court has made Gwyn shine so brightly.

She seems happier, stronger, and even more beautiful.

He feels a smile appearing in his face, broad and full as he takes her deep blue eyes looking at him.

She is so brave.

She catches him smiling, and her eyes shine even brighter. A smile of plump lips and white teeth forming on her angelic face.

Right there, makes a promise to himself to try harder, to follow her example.

To do anything to bring her to smile like that again and again until it sticks forever.

TAGLIST: @imsointobooks , @gwynkyrie , @trashforazriel

#gwyn acotar #gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel #azriel fanfic #fanfic #acotar #post acosf #nesta archeron #nesta and gwyn #acotar fanfiction

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myfearless-love · 3 years

Text

The Wildest Place You Run (3/?) - Pretty Scary Sometimes

If anyone missed Killian in the previous chapters (because who wouldn't miss him, let's be honest) then I have good news: we are getting more Killian now that most of the flashbacks are done! I enjoyed writing this chapter as we dive deeper into the character's backstories and present happenings! I hope you like it too! Let me know :)

Also, check out the amazing and beautiful art that @thejollyroger-writer made for chapter 3 & 4!! I love how she always captures the essence of the chapters!

Summary:

Vampires, Werewolves, Mages, and Elves. For centuries, they kept their existence a secret, but the constant rebellions against the strict laws of the Guild had led to a terrible tragedy. In an open clash, it became apparent to humans just what kind of monsters lived among them. Emma Swan loses the love of her life in the first battle of the war. A few months later, while still trying to process what happened, a mysterious and terrifying figure worms his way into her life. But the man is hiding far more terrible secrets than he reveals to her, pulling them both into a horrible situation...

Chapter: 3/? - Pretty Scary Sometimes

Fandom: Once Upon a Time

Rating: M

Relationships: Killian Jones/Emma Swan

Read on: FF.net or AO3

Words: ~3k

Previous parts:

Ch 1 II Ch 2

TW for this chapter: Implied miscarriage

"Emma! Lock the door behind us! We probably won't be back before morning…"

David's voice snapped her back out of her memories and back into the present, and she stared up at her brother with misty eyes. "What?"

"Lock the door behind us," he repeated, shaking his head slightly in disapproval, and hurried out of the kitchen.

Somewhat dazed, she started walking towards the team of Hunters, but by the time she reached the living room, they were all gone. All except Killian, who was still fumbling with his gun holsters.

Her memories still held her a little captive, she stared wearily at the front door. It had been more than half a year, but she would never forget that night or that horrible half an hour she spent in the morgue…

"It can't be him! It's probably a mistake, Neal certainly isn't…" she shook her head and sobbed hysterically.

If David hadn't been holding her, she would have simply fallen awkwardly to the shiny floor.

"Emma! It pains me too, but if he were alive, he would have come back long ago…"

"No! He's not…" she repeated tirelessly, like a broken record. She couldn't comprehend that she had lost Neal along with the little one…

"Are you sure?" The coroner stared doubtfully at Emma, and there was also a hint of pity and contempt in his gaze.

Of course. To him, he was just a corpse, but to her…

"She won't calm down until then…" David sighed somewhat bitterly and stared at the white-covered body in front of them.

"All right," the coroner shrugged.

He was a short, broad, and severely balding man, with gray hair and several days of white stubble. He reached for the edge of the sheet with his stubby fingers, but before he could pull the fabric aside, a brutally burned hand slid off the autopsy table.

The breath caught in her throat, and she suddenly forgot how to breathe. They were long, thin fingers, just like Neal's. The skin was burned almost black, cartilage showing on the fingers.

"Maybe it was a bad idea..." David whispered, pulling her head to his chest and trying to shield her vision. He tried to soothe her, even though she was no longer sobbing anymore. Her eyes widened in horror, and she gasped for air.

"I think so, too. She's quite neurotic," the doctor grunted.

"Just keep your mouth shut! We didn't ask for your opinion," David snorted.

"Sorry," he muttered in a mocking tone and sauntered off.

He grabbed something from the table and handed Robin a plastic bag containing a sooty, burnt box. "We found this a few feet from the body. Does it look familiar?" The doctor scanned the faces of the Hunters impassively.

"Oh my God…"

"You've got to be kidding me…"

"Shit…"

Emma didn't understand their outburst, she just saw the horror and shock on their faces.

"What's that?" Mary Margaret glanced at the tiny box with watery eyes.

The others, on the other hand, didn't seem to have heard the question at all, staring uncertainly at each other and the box.

"Can we have this?" inquired Robin.

"Of course. We don't need it," replied the doctor.

"How generous," Leo said.

"David, what do you think? Should we give it to her?" Robin stared at her uncertainly.

"What's in it?" Emma asked in a husky voice. "Is it something of Neal's?"

"No. It's yours," Ruby replied gently.

"No, it's not mine," she shook her head. It wasn't at all familiar to her.

"But what's inside is yours," David replied, nodding to Robin, who opened the plastic bag and carefully pulled the box out. "Emma… you probably would've figured it out or guessed, it's better to just rip the band-aid now," he whispered, stroking her hair.

Emma raised her head suspiciously. "What's going on?"

"I'm sure Neal would have been happy to see you wearing it…" he added carefully. "He was going to ask you to marry him that night…"

Robin opened the small box. Inside, her engagement ring remained perfectly intact…

She opened her eyes slowly and raised her hand in front of her face. The ring still glittered on her finger. It was made of white gold, and the most beautiful amber she had ever seen shone upon it. It was terribly painful to realize what a wonderful night it could have been, and instead, it ended with the death of her boyfriend and unborn baby. They could have been a family.

But she wore it, despite the pain it caused when she looked at it. She could still feel him a little close to her. It hurt, but not so much that she couldn't bear it.

"Swan, are you all right?" Killian was already standing on the doorstep, eyeing her anxiously.

"I'm fine," she nodded, but her tone was the slightest bit sharper than she'd intended.

"Apologies." He turned away, but she gently grasped his arm.

"I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you or anything. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"It's alright, love." His lips twisted into a faint, understanding smile.

His good manners were sometimes in stark contrast to his appearance. His dark, almost black hair, disheveled as always, brushed against his forehead now, in need of a haircut. The thick stubble on his face was peppered here and there with a hint of ginger if the light fell on him at the right angle. His right ear was pierced and adorned with a solid black stone earring. There was no room for new tattoos on his left arm, various drawings of a compass, skull and crossbones, symbols, and plants were inked into his skin, likely to hide the age-old scar that ran from his wrist to his bicep. He also accentuated his eyes with black eyeliner, making his arctic blue eyes stand out as prominently as the North Star in the dark sky.

He wore his signature black outfit - jeans, a shirt that was always missing a few buttons at the top to reveal a generous patch of dark hair, leather jacket, and combat boots.

All in all, he looked like a textbook bad boy, which was why Emma preferred to keep her distance from him.

"You better get going," she remarked as the front door closed behind the others.

"They won't leave without me, anyway. Who would look out for them?" he let out a laugh, attaching a pistol holster to his hip. "Take care, ladies," he nodded to her from the other side of the doorstep, then disappeared into the night after the others.

Emma retreated into the apartment and carefully locked the door, padlocking it as a precaution. No one could say she hadn't heeded their warning.

"Are they gone?" Mary Margaret sank down on the couch.

"Yeah," Emma nodded and plopped down next to her friend.

She closed her eyes, leaned against the headrest, and stared up at the ceiling.

"I wonder what they're trying to accomplish with all this," Mary Margaret shook her head. "Rebellions everywhere, in almost every country. They can't defeat us, so what do they want?"

"I don't care what they want. All the damn beasts need to be wiped out," Emma hissed.

Ever since that night, she hated those monsters even more, and honestly, who could blame her?

Mary Margaret only hummed and nodded, and for a long time, neither of them said a word.

After a few minutes, her friend broke the silence: "Don't you miss it? Our old life?"

"What do you mean?" Emma glanced at her.

"When we went to college and this craziness hadn't started yet," Mary Margaret replied, and Emma raised one of her eyebrows.

"I don't miss it. If there's anything I miss, it's...him. But nothing else."

"Maybe you should take the ring off. It always reminds you of him. It's been over seven months. I know you don't want to hear this, but sooner or later, you're going to have to move on. There's life after Neal."

If it wasn't Mary Margaret sitting in front of her, telling her that, she probably would have slapped her or, at the very least, made her leave. But Mary Margaret was different. Emma knew she wanted the best for her, and she had much better insight into her situation than she did.

"I can't," Emma shook her head. "It would be like...I don't know. It would be like I was denying him or something."

"No," Mary Margaret objected vehemently. "It wouldn't be like that. To be honest, I didn't agree with the others when they gave you that damn ring. It was like twisting the knife that was already in your heart. If it had been up to me, I wouldn't have told you he was going to ask you to marry him. Sooner or later, you may have realized it yourself, though. Would it have been easier for you if there had been no ring?"

"Maybe," she breathed, staring blankly at the opposite wall.

Her gaze soon drifted to her ring. Maybe she really did need to take it off. "I don't know yet… Maybe in time," she replied.

"My advice is not to hesitate too long. It will be easier after that, believe me."

"I hope so," she smiled finally.

She was startled awake by the ringing of her phone. The rays of the full moon broke on the dry branches of the trees in the woods behind the house, and the silvery light painted indelible patterns on her bedspread with the shadows.

She forgot to close the blinds.

Her phone buzzed again and, still a little sleepy, she rolled onto her side in the huge double bed. She pulled aside the dark green canopy and reached for the vibrating device on the nightstand.

She glanced at the caller ID.

Of course.

Only David would call her in the middle of the night.

"What happened? Are you okay?" she immediately straightened up in her bed, holding her breath, waiting for her brother's answer.

"You're about to find out. We'll be home in five minutes. In the meantime, open the door and get the couch ready for Ruby." His voice sounded calm and Emma concluded that they couldn't be in too much trouble.

She ended the call, jumped up from the bed, and yanked open the door to her room. She ran down the hall and hopped down the stairs, taking two steps at a time. When she reached the front door, she took off the padlock, pulled out the deadbolt, unlocked the door, and opened it wide.

She ran back to the couch and tossed all the unnecessary things off of it. A couple of remotes, two blankets, and a few pillows landed on the cherry wood floor. Just as she stood up, she could hear the hurried footsteps of David and the others.

"Let me go! I can walk on my own two feet!" Ruby's voice sounded rather irritated, but her statement was immediately followed by a loud thud.

"I can see that," David hissed angrily, with a slight note of mockery in his tone. "Jones, if you will! She already tried to claw my eyes out…"

David marched into the apartment like an angry boar. He dropped his gun on the coffee table and sank into one of the black leather chairs. Leo and Robin nervously scurried into the living room, followed by Killian with Ruby in his arms.

Ruby stubbornly struggled against Killian, trying to break free of his grip, but he held her tight. It didn't matter that she could easily stand up to two guys, she couldn't outmaneuver Killian.

Killian wisely turned his face away from Ruby's tiny but sharp fingernails and carefully laid her on the couch.

"If any of you dare touch me again, I'll castrate you!" she growled, and then hissed, a grimace on her face immediately following.

"What happened?" Emma crouched down beside the brunette in horror.

"Can we go to your room?" Ruby pleaded desperately.

"No. She's been shot," David replied before getting up from the chair and drifting into the bathroom.

"What? Have you lost your minds? Why didn't you take her to a hospital?" Emma snapped, glaring at Leo and Robin.

"It was a miracle that we were even able to carry her here," Robin shrugged.

"I'll live," Ruby growled, but tears were running quietly down her face from the pain and exertion.

"Only if I take the bullet out and tend to the wound," David nodded.

"Ruby, we have to do this," Emma sat down next to her on the couch and took her hand.

She knew full well that she didn't like to be touched when she was injured. Ruby blinked up at David in alarm, disgust written all over her beautiful face. "Only you, David. No one else…" she moaned in a fading voice.

"All right, so be it. Let me over there, Emma. Take a look at Killian's arm until then."

She got up from the couch, grabbed a bottle of disinfectant and a bandage from the pile of medical supplies scattered on the table, and walked purposefully toward Killian, who stood silently by the banister.

"There's really no need," he shook his head with a forced smile when she reached him. "It's just a scratch, love, really not that serious."

"Not you, too."

"I don't—"

"Show me. I really don't have the patience for that right now, Killian," she interrupted him.

She didn't know what to make of the look he gave her. His impossibly blue eyes reflected annoyance, fear, and confusion all at once, but he soon relented and reluctantly peeled off his black leather jacket. The left sleeve of his shirt was completely soaked with blood.

He rolled up his sleeve. At first, she didn't see a wound under his many tattoos, it was hard for her to notice any damage done to his skin other than the scar that was already there. But as she scanned his arm she soon found a cut that seemed far too tiny for the amount of blood that adorned his clothing and skin. There was barely any blood flowing from it now.

"What the…" her eyes widened as she ran her finger over the wound, but Killian didn't even flinch. Right before her eyes, the cut disappeared under the ship wheel — or helm, as he called it — which wrapped around his bicep. "Killian," she stared at him, dumbfounded.

A mere Mage wouldn't be able to do that, even if he had as much power as Killian.

"There were Elves among my ancestors," he shrugged, his face becoming an imperturbable, grim mask. His gaze seemed petrified, expressionless.

That explained some strange things about Killian, Emma thought. He had an abnormally high physical resilience and was almost as fast as a Vampire or Werewolf. That couldn't be possible through mere magic.

"Oh," she couldn't force a more meaningful answer out of herself. "Why didn't you say that before?"

"I didn't think it was important," he shrugged.

"Sorry, but you don't look like an Elf," Leo shook his head with a grin.

Emma only now noticed that the other Hunters had been standing behind her the whole time.

"That's because I'm not one. Some of my ancestors were. I'm just a freak," his voice sounded strangely bitter and he turned his head away.

Instinctively, she took two steps away. Killian's icy magic flared up without warning, along with his rage.

"Hey, calm down, dude. I didn't mean it like that," Leo raised his hands.

"What's going on?" Mary Margaret reached the bottom of the stairs, still in her pajamas.

"Nothing new. Just a bit of bickering, the usual," Robin grinned.

Only now did Mary Margaret notice David at the other end of the room. A broad smile was on her face as she walked over to where he was still crouched by the couch, finishing patching Ruby up.

Emma turned away as they threw themselves into each other's embrace, kissing as if they hadn't seen each other in days. She glanced back at Killian who was watching her face with a coy expression. His gaze positively shone with panic, almost desperate.

"I… I apologize. I think I'd better go," he murmured, lowering his gaze.

He rolled down his sleeve and picked up his jacket, then stormed out of the apartment without further explanation. Emma stared after him, uncomprehending. She had always known he was kind of a weirdo. But this was unusual, even for Killian.

"What the hell was that?" she turned to Robin, confused.

"He's a little cuckoo in the head. You'd better not get any more friendly with him than you already have," Robin shook his head. "Seriously. He can be pretty scary sometimes. He's pretty weird."

She didn't answer, just stared after Killian thoughtfully. She agreed with Robin that there was something up with him. But she immediately ruled out the possibility that he was suffering from some sort of mental illness.

"You knew about this?" Leo turned to Robin.

"That he was part Elf? No, I would never have guessed that. But now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense. He's done things he wouldn't have been able to do otherwise," Robin replied and goosebumps appeared on Emma's arm.

Maybe Robin was right. She shouldn't get close to him.

#cssns21 #cssns 2021 #captain swan #cs ff #cs fanfic #killian jones #emma swan #killian x emma #captain swan supernatural summer #thejollyroger writer #cs fanfiction #ouat #once upon a time #ouat ff #captain hook #TWPYR #captain swan ff

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mymadmedleyw · 3 years

Text

Death

(ao3), belongs under Certain Moment of Time, could be read independently, just as each for the days will be shorts, but all together forming a whole picture

(As this is the last chapter within the 'Going Angst Week 2021', a little reminder about the right order in reading the chapters chronologically (I suggest CMOT link): 4, 6, 2, 5, 3, and 7, 1)

tw: miscarriage

---

Blood. One could say after seeing it many times, sensing its rusty, salty odour within the air might have lost the sensibility to it after a while. But it never ceased on the weight if it was about loss, about death.

Then it always changed to the horrible, suffocating disinfectant scent with the white surrounding and the sound of silent sobs. Just as this time. They didn't even dare to count for how many occasions they ended up here, broken and devastated.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" mumbled for like the thousand times the hollow voice. "It's all my fault, I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have-" the sentence trailed off by another chuckling, squeezing hard on his hand that was holding hers, never letting it go.

Every attempt, every hopeful try led back here and- and it just twisted his heart, seeing, again and again, the slightly greyishly paled skin that years ago was beaming. Years ago…

Suddenly the picture of the small child in her arms came back, like that could have been a mirage. Sadly, he was well aware it wasn't, that happened, but- what he had done wrong?

Vlad pressed his forehead on her, taking the same question that he was asking from himself during the past few years. Why he hadn't told her? It was the same damn question, but with a different meaning this time. Time… yes, that it was.

He clearly could remember the day in the hospital bed, staring at the black and white photograph, bringing for them good news again… and then he couldn't tell what had happened, but he had woken up with years of memories in his mind and- and then as he had sat up, holding his throbbing head someone put a hand on his shoulder, asking with the greatest concern if he was okay.

It had needed hours to understand it wasn't a dream, and by lunch – made by the most amazing woman on the Earth – his mind settled too.

As much weird it was, but this was the truth. Madeline Masters. His wife. Also aware of his state – that they, according to his new-old memories, together tried to keep at bay. He knew he lied to her about its seriousness. That she only was informed about the simply side-effects: floating, invisibility and intangibility, sometimes glowing hands – but she had no conscious about the rest, about the other form… (which learning from a memory surprised Vlad too).

He kept then on with that lie, just as with the other one too, that somehow, he remembered a time when everything was different.

It worked for years. To tell the truth, Vlad forgot everything after their first positive test, even after the second, or the third, but-

Then he didn't dare to count. He couldn't recall anymore the days when she was happy – except in that other life. He slowly was destroying her, breaking the sweet image of his love… He tried to tell her several times to give up, but as much as stubborn she was, like feeling she should have been a mother, she never listened.

Then he eventually had run some tests (surprisingly facing with the result wasn't even his worst day, because his worst day was now…). The accident in the lab, five years ago ruined his biology. It was his fault. Vlad had been on to tell her, several times really, that they- that they wouldn't ever have a child, but- but he had been afraid. He still was afraid. He was a coward, fearing to lose her, so then he never told her, but now…

"Daniel…" a hollow, weak breath was formed into a name. "I thought- I chose- I really thought this time…"

"It's okay…" Vlad whispered, fighting against the suffocating guilt.

Daniel… he almost could imagine a view of a boy with her kindness, smartness and maybe with his steel bright eyes, and-

A soft sniffling broke the silence in the room, he knew it would take days and weeks to calm her down (or months, especially that this time she really had hoped…). But then she would return to her obsessed determines, again, not giving up until she would be able to fight for it…

But Vlad couldn't watch it, not again. This time, it had endangered her life too. He just couldn't let it happen, not anymore… especially as the date slipped into his mind. It was the same as on the letter, containing the black and white picture of their second child… she would have been expecting her second and-

He bit his lips as hard as it drew blood, rusty, salty and sinner. The sound of the woman, the so loved Maddie died away in a faint snuffling, undoubtedly dreaming about a great life he couldn't give her… Even though Vlad was conscious of their reality, he still wished to fulfil her dreams…

Wish… suddenly his eyes snapped open, remembering word-to-word to his half-mumbled sentence before everything had changed and he had woken up in this dream (nightmare…).

Would it be that easy? –Vlad wondered, sceptical about such childish way, but then he grabbed on it, tight, as ridiculous it sounded, and he'd have literally killed to make her happy. So then, he opened his mouth, already putting together what he wanted to say, and then-

"Won't work." stopped him an abrupt voice, then the owner cleared it. "I set the rules with Desiree. She is not allowed to grant any timeline-altering wishes, unless I allow it." Vlad blinked at the sudden presence of someone else, searching with his eyes immediately to catch the person, but there was no sign of anyone, just a quiet ticking sound was telling someone was definitely there.

A moment passed in silence, making Vlad wondering about if he hallucinated the voice, but then it spoke again. "Clockwork, by the way, Master of Time – though it's rather a given title than a name. Theatrical, isn't it?" Vlad scoffed at the unmistakable enjoying waving of the words, whoever this ghost was – because, based on the invisibility it was undoubtedly an unearthly creature from the other realm –, he clearly was amused by this scenario.

"What do you-?" Vlad started, frustrated by the spectre's presence and mocking.

"Want?" was Vlad interrupted. "From you? Nothing… albeit your stubborn wish created a glitch that didn't suppose to exist. A knot, that tangled the flow of events, blinding me. In short," the ghost took a break. "you scarred the time." well, that definitely sounded like a lecture… but then, the title slipped into his mind, along with the accounting for: Master of Time.

"You can make it back…" Vlad pieced together. "You can change on the time, change on this all." he couldn't tell if it scared him or filled with him hope, but definitely that drew out a way – more like an alternative – after the wish-one. For a short time, the ticking skipped a beat, like the ghost would have been stuck on a thought, but then talked again.

"Yes, I can change on this all." was Vlad's sentence, almost exactly repeated. He didn't have to be a genius, to feel it wasn't an admitting. "But I won't." was it added, not even a second later. "I might be responsible to watch over the timelines, and every single outcome, but on this, I am afraid, I can't do anything. You created it, it's your duty to fix it, and decide." Vlad stunned. Decide what exactly? This or- that? It wasn't an actual question, he could give the answer easily, but-

Suddenly he averted his gaze from the space where he suspected the ghost was floating invisibly – getting on his nerves by that – then he looked back to the woman, gazing at his wife, and gently got out a long curly lock of hair that fell into her face. She seemed so calm, pale, yes, shattered by the tired wrinkles under her closed eyes, and…

"I see you already made your decision." Vlad heard the cursed voice again. He didn't have to guess to know his eyes were burning red, clenching his jaw and fighting inside to not lash out at the ghost, transforming to his other outlook and end the ghost, it that was even possible in case of a timeless existence. Was it really counted as entertainment for him? This?!

"It's not a decision." Vlad spitted.

"No, it really isn't." said the ghost sternly, accompanied by a sound that gave an impression like an old clock would have been adjusted, bored by the current discussion as if it had been something obvious, or expected. "But I am seeing no future over this certain moment, neither in this time or your original one. Just imagine, how it could be to be blind after millennia. Curious, I was for centuries to learn what it caused. Well, it turned out it was just a desperate hybrid's wish, fighting against his true nature, cornering himself to endless suffering than accepting the new him… comical, isn't it?"

It felt harder and harder to hold back and stay unmoved listen to the words, but as much as he loathed hearing it, if this Clockwork could mean the solution from this, then-

"Besides, what happens now, how you decide, is beyond me, I can't see through it, until it happens." defined the being, at the same time out of nowhere a swirling green-ness formed in the air. It was similar to the Proto-Portal, which Vlad had seen many years ago, but this was enough big for anyone to walk through it. "It's either this time or the other one, the knot you created still makes the connection available. But it has to end. Only one could remain."

Vlad swallowed, lost in the neon colour, like an unescapable doom that followed him everywhere. He remembered his time, his muscles still could recall the seizures, the endless days in that hospital room, and reading about his friends' perfect life against his… the ghost was right, he had been desperate, now he could control his other side, but it could be only thanked to Maddie, this Maddie… in that other world, he was nothing but- he was literally nothing… here, now, on the other hand, he had the love of his life, but still-

Suddenly, he put together no matter how he'd choose, what path he'd take, it would turn his heart a stone, destroying by the ghost's words the other time. But then, he took a glimpse at the resting woman, at his Maddie, silently sleeping unaware of another being's presence in the room, only lost in a dream-world her mind created. For a moment, he wondered about the possibilities, about the alternatives, but then, hard, Vlad realised it was out of the question.

He never felt his limbs as heavy as he stood up from the chair, earlier placed beside the hospital bed, to mean support Maddie after the loss... And he never felt more hatred towards anyone – even towards Jack – that now took over his entire body about the ghost.

"I really hope, you are able to see your so cherished future now." Vlad cursed, the sourness and hurt suffocated him from inside as he took a step towards the greenness.

"I do." acknowledged the Master of Time, but not spilling anything else, what it would mean or how things would turn out. But Vlad knew even if the ghost was aware of some outcome, he wouldn't be informed about those. As Vlad disappeared behind the gate between the two realities, he took himself a promise, to somehow, when everything had settled, whatever it would take, he would find Clockwork and claim justice.

#going angst week 2021 #going angst week #danny phantom #vlad masters #clockwork

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strangerays · 3 years

Text

Nothing in Particular Update #2

It’s the Nothing and Particular and Everything update part two: the electric booglaloo. This one is long, so strap in.

It’s been a while since I wrote an update for this story. To be honest, this one gave me a lot of stress, but here I am! Writing this story feels like it is going very slow. I keep telling myself I’ve made a lot of progress (which is true, I have) but for some reason it doesn’t feel like I have? This is likely just my own insecurity. To be frank, I can’t believe I’m still writing this story. If you had told me in February that I’d still be writing this when the weather got warm, I would have laughed.

I am SO excited that I will finally be able to focus on writing now that I’m out of school. I’m afraid to speak the rough deadline that I’ve given myself for this story (the end of August-early September) but now that I’ve spoken it into existence, I hope I can finish! (I hope I can stop watching dumb videogame playthroughs and listening to The Magnus Archives and get something done)

Here is a link to the story introduction and previous update!

TAGLIST (ask to be +/-); @wannabeauthorzofija @a-completely-normal-writer @baguettethebooklover @corkytheguar @writeherewaiting

STORY CHANGES/THOUGHTS/IDEAS:

Here is a big one: I’ve been trying to write this story for myself. I started writing Ray’s story from a place that was personal to me, but I feel like, as that part of myself has begun to heal, I’ve started to think about what a reader would want out of the story. I’m realizing that this is my story so it has to be what I want. Drafts are drafts for a reason, so I’m going to try to get better at letting myself explore what is fun to me.

I always thought I was a discovery writer (I still sort of think I am) but as I’ve finished small sections of the story, I am finding that it’s very helpful to do a rough outline of scenes in upcoming chapters. (I also recommend turning to this if something doesn’t work and you need to retrace your steps!) Just helps me feel more organized!

Jude’s character has got to be one of the most difficult personalities I’ve ever written. Putting her beside Ray just makes it harder. Where Ray is secretive and keeps to herself, Jude is ready to unpack her entire life’s story to anyone. I find that I really have to slow down when writing their interactions. I know this is going to be nowhere near perfect in the first draft, but I think it is a main contributor to my slow writing.

I really like this little narrative I’ve created in the background of the main plot with Ray and Lonan. I love writing these scenes because it’s a way for me to use Lonan when he’s not actively with Ray and to show why Ray is predetermined about things at certain points. Also I love their friendship so much <3

CONGRATULATIONS TO ME on starting to read again because I forgot how much of a help reading other people’s stories can be when you’re struggling with your own oml

I now have a set timeline for the story! Takes place ~4-5 months.

I did that thing where you write a letter from the characters’ perspectives and that was kind of fun

Also just for fun I thought I’d add in that I spent an hour and a half last week filling up a page in my sketchbook with diagrams of the plot. It feels good to be a mad scientist

EXCERPTS UNDER THE CUT!

*At this point, I’m only sharing writing that I am really proud of in order not to spoil the story! This is because I am unsure whether I want to publish this story someday. With that said, that does NOT give you permission to steal my ideas!

CHAPTER: NIGHT CRIES

In the last week of summer, I did everything I could to avoid post-vacation blues. I rode my bike along the gravel roads with no destination, wore my dark sunglasses to people-watch, and fed salami to the minnows that floated on the cusps of boulders. Usually, I sat still for so long that my elbows turned a deep shade of red and the blood in my toes buzzed.

New pockets seemed to open up in Point Blink every day. And with them, came new people. Most of them were older – a middle aged woman who caked her lipstick on, an uncle estranged from his brother, a couple who had miscarried. I hadn’t forgotten about the kids at Mothouse. It was impossible not to think about them. It wasn’t just that I’d never seen them before.

The girl’s limp cigarette bled a trail of smoke that seeped into my Vans. My shirt folded like skin over my bed post. Haunted the room – foiled my mauve sheets and teased my locks. Swept the curtains apart and heated the oak floor. Beams of moonlight leapt to my bookcases; highlighted the posters from various podcasts and bands that I listened to. Wind whistled when I was too still. She forced me to look outside, onto the dark cul-de-sac lit by the reflections of forming rain puddles. No matter whether I sat at my desk or burrowed under my sheets, I felt out of place. She made my bedroom louder. She made my bedroom quieter.

I decided it would probably be best if I never saw her again.

To be honest, I don’t remember much about writing this chapter because it was over a month ago (sorry) but I’m still quite happy with the prose! This comes in after Ray sees Jude for the first time at Mothouse. Based on a first impression, decides that she might want be friends with Jude.

CHAPTER: SORRY

If you spend any long amount of time with someone, you’ll become a thief to their behaviors. If I stared long enough, trees began to replace all of the people we’d ever seen. Oaks had roots that serpentined the ground like children splashing in the bay, pines with needles like spindly old hands, maples with hollows like watchful eyes – all things Lonan had taught me to observe.

CHAPTER: GHOSTS

Then there was the sea – violent and knowing as it romped within bays and alcoves. She had eaten me many times before, both my father and Lonan too. Gulped them as if they were shining plastic wrappings left behind after a meal. I spited her for inviting me once again. I reached up again to grapple with the next rung. It twisted and offered a low whistle.

In these two chapters, Ray is on a photography trip with her class. This is the first time she’s been on this annual trip without Lonan. She left that morning with a goal of being independent and learning to get on with one of the only people she has felt close to. I realize now that the Ghost excerpt sort of sounds like her dad and Lonan have drowned?? Which was not my intention??

CHAPTER: A DIVINE INTERVENTION

“Do you believe in ghosts?” A raspy voice teased from behind me. Cigarette smoke tickled the words, like they were stuck together with jelly inside of her. The question wasn’t particularly calming, but it strengthened my grip on reality. As if the foiled leaves, bark, and dandelions had sprung from the ground and begun to float, they came crashing back down.

I was made of stone.

“I’m not a ghost,” Jude said. “If I was, a ladder would be a pretty counteractive way to outrun me. I could just float up there and haunt you.”

“Maybe you’re a ghost,” she asked, her voice distant.

I shifted my grasp up and down the sides of the ladder. “What?”

“Don’t you believe in ghosts?”

I was reading back some of Ray and Jude’s conversation and there are so many snippets of dialogue that make me laugh because I totally forgot I wrote them... but UGhhH I don’t know if I want to share them because I don’t know whether or not I want to try and publish the story someday. Speaking of that, it’s sort of because it’s so personal to me? I don’t know (this is for future me to pursue) Honestly though, reading these back has made me really happy :)

I wanted to shake her by the shoulders. She acted as though Point Blink could breathe – as though corpses in the cemetery might pull the grass away like dead skin, neighbors would draw blades, and blood-salt would stain her clothes rather than that from the sea. “Trust me, they’ll forgive you. But, I’m just saying, most people around here don’t care nearly as much as you think so. Most of them are way older anyways, so they’re tired of us.”

“Is that you complimenting yourself?” Jude asked.

“Not intentionally,” I said, “but I will take it.”

She laughed. “You shouldn’t be so nice to strangers.”

I wasn’t trying to be. I just didn’t think I wanted her to dislike me.

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing or a good thing,” Jude said. “Being good gets you tucked into a thousand different memories. Being good makes you live a lifetime.”

I almost laughed, but then I wondered what I was to her now. “I don’t talk to lots of people.”

“Sometimes there aren’t many people to talk to. But I thought you would have loads of friends.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. “I thought you would too.”

Alarm like grief lit her eyes, but she laughed. I did too.

“You hardly know me,” she said quietly.

Then the girls explore some old newspapers and letters in a fire tower! Spooky fun!

CHAPTER: YOU LET THIS HAPPEN

This isn’t a major spoiler as it’s literally in the blurb I wrote, but Ray and Jude are caught (targeted..??) in a fire. Ray is brought back to a field where she is questioned.

CHAPTER: NOTHING HAPPENS

He was quiet for several moments while he painted a picture with what little details I had given him, then said, “It’s unfair. I think that’s why it hurts.”

“Because we almost got hurt?”

“No. Because it came true.”

His gentle, ragged voice made me think I could tell him anything. Sometimes, I think that, even then, he knew I left something out.

Ray talks to Lonan after the fire... She’s being a bit dishonest about what actually happened.

CHAPTER: WHY NOT

I remember how the barest amount of red light glared across Lonan’s entire scalp and washed his boyish curls magenta from the roots out. When Jude leaned back on the counter, she melded into the darkness.

This chapter is just part of the narrative that I created with Ray and Lonan’s friendship. There isn’t much I want to spoil from it, but I liked this paragraph!

CHAPTER: INEVITABLE

“We didn’t do anything,” I said.

“Someone did. Why won’t you believe me?”

“I think I would remember whether or not someone was there with us,” I said, “even if we didn’t have the picture.”

This was untrue. I hung lots of photos in my room. A long time would pass before I went to a restaurant again, or a specific coven on one of the beaches, or an outfit that I wore, and I would look into one of my pictures and remember it, and then I would be quite angry with myself that I had almost forgotten that thing forever.

“I don’t think you understand what I mean,” Jude said. I didn’t like the way she’d lowered her voice. She sounded different every time I saw her. She reached out her arm so our photos were side by side and our fingers were almost touching. “I don’t think you want to.”

Ray finds herself alone in the school’s dark room with Jude. Based on the contents of one of her photos, she tries to convince Ray that there is more to the fire than what meets the eye.

CHAPTER: (this one is untitled)

I didn’t mind that he followed me everywhere. Even when he was quiet, I didn’t find it strange to be around him. We sat silently through films and went on walks. Once, he had fallen asleep while watching The Iron Giant in my bed. I didn’t know if I should wake him up once it ended. I tried not to stare at him. He’d rolled onto his side and bundled himself in one of my blankets covered in stars up to his shoulders so only his small face poked out like a baby owl’s. His soft breath messed his dirty gold coils. They were at their longest. Except for the ebbing light from a candle on my desk, my house was asleep – Lonan needed to go home.

For the first time, I wondered if anyone cared where he was.

Another small part of the little friendship narrative! (This really is the part of the story where I get nostalgic for my childhood, isn’t it) Ray starts to discover more about Lonan’s home life in this part of the story, but there’s not much that I think I want to reveal about that for now.

CHAPTER: THE CRUX OF IT

Why did I feel so paranoid? I found myself staring out the window, into the film of blue that the late sun shown onto the grass and trying to remember what summer felt like.

My main problem was that I didn’t know how to talk to Jude unless it was about Sugarfell. I ran from the hush of cigarette smoke behind closing doors and heard her loud voice in conversations. Even though there might have still been a part of me that wanted to be friends with her, I didn’t have much to base that feeling off of. I could have spent hours clicking the little pieces of her that I had together, but the crux of it was that I would never know Jude unless I forced myself to.

For some reason, that really scared me.

I spent all week trying to think of what to say to her. By Friday afternoon, I still had nothing.

I left off writing with Ray actively avoiding Jude’s little investigation into the arsonist. Ray doesn’t want to be involved in this because she feels that it will throw her sense of normalcy off course. She really just wants to learn how to adapt to a life without her best friend. (It doesn’t help that she’s got fresh trauma)

What will Ray decide? I don’t know. We shall see. (just kidding I know)

Sorry this update was longer! I think I would like to start updating more often than once a month just because they would be shorter and those of you reading this won’t forget what happened in the last update. There are thousands and thousands of words that didn’t show up in this update because - like I said - I don’t know whether I want to publish this story ever?? I’ll probably talk more about this in a separate update.

Thank you so much to those of you who read about my story! I hope you enjoy it!

p.s. btw I now have a myWriteClub account! You can check it out here and stalk me as I tragically fail my writing goals!

#ffs writing this update was like throwing a boulder into a lake #there was so much I wanted to share #it's really difficult to decide what to share as sometimes a paragraph that I'm really proud of will be really spoilery #I can only imagine this will be more and more difficult as I get further into the story #ANYWAYS #I feel like I'm really beginning to see who my characters are <3 #I feel like a proud mother #To be honest #I kind of hated Jude in the beginning #but now I feel like Ray hates her too so that makes me like her #haha im so mean #tune in next time for a Sapphic spy date

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