#i miss my old self

[skylasepitome]

i wish i could go back to the person i was 2 years ago.

besides a terrible home life still,

i could actually talk to people.

i could handle relationships.

i was skinny.

i could whore around as much as i wanted and no one batted an eye.

granted i shouldn’t have been for my age but who cares.

but still,

besides the endless judgement from trying to be my true self,

i was happier.

i think?

#self h@rm #tw self destruction #self mutalition #shtmblr #self h@te #tw sh related #ed rant #i hate mysef #i hate everything #i hate my brain #i miss my old self

[shiftycatwrites]

Everything I've been writing, I hate.

I'm feeling a little better, at least. No more body aches and can hold more than a sandwich down. Still have some fevers, but eh. And Abby is adjusting to her new diet with no large bumps in that road, so thank goodness for small miracles.

I don't think it helps I write for things that people generally don't like in the fandoms I write for, because I like exploring things less talked about and other dynamics and such, and I like to write plot-heavier things rather than just for a ship's sake, which would make things a hell of a lot shorter--*glares lovingly at The Listening*

I'm sorry, y'all, I'm just ranting and whining at this point while lying in a puddle of my own tears, feeling like Gudetama. Also feeling like the chopsticks that manhandle Gudetama. HURGH.

#shiftycatwrites #uuuuuugh #writing is hard #i miss my old self #the one who used to just be so optimistic and...everything necessary to live a full life #bluh

[2future4past]

“nauseatingly miserable beyond repair” — with kafka’s heart-wrenching yet resonating quote, i once again fell in love with words, after the year long depression which left me in an abyss of hopelessness and misanthropy.

words. purely words. the words that bled through papers, as the heart of the writer bleeds without a momentary pause. the words that put one’s unique story and often, battles into tangible descriptions.

until peace and comfort tape all the shattered pieces of me together, i will, perhaps, continue to tell the world i am not yet defeated while floatation on this constantly storm-strucking ocean is possible.

— 29th january 2024; a monday evening with occasional suffocations.

#nauseatingly miserable beyond repair #franz kafka #literature #wordblr #life #fragments #tw depressive #tw depressing thoughts #I AM NOT YET DEFEATED #back on tumblr again after a while #i miss my old self #quotes #writing #abyss of words #words

[its-a-catventure]

emotions are the real adventures

#lol #crying #i miss my old self #going through my camera roll to get these made me so sad #i was so miserable but so much less lonely #also i was so hot what happened #i miss me #it’s my fault i’m lonely though i don’t answer texts or calls and deleted all my other socials and am always on dnd and working of #*i mean im working od #lesbian

[biillet-doux]

i used to romanticize my life, every detail of it. i used to consistently find love for even the smallest of things. i used to think so highly of every moment. there was vibrancy in everything.

i lost myself, the older i got. the older i got, the less i romanticize my life. the less i find the positives in things. everything became more dull.

i’m now on a journey of rediscovering the beauty in everyday life. i crave that romantic feeling of everything that caught my eye. i crave that vivid vibrancy that everything appeared once before.

i will get there. my gods, i cannot wait.

#xxkywrites #writer #writers #write #my writing #my work #written #my thoughts #my life #deep talks #romanticism #real life #life #i want to be in love with life #i want to be happy #i miss my old self #i lost myself #i’m finding myself again

[rottvnmilk]

#bpd vent #ventcore #trauma vent #god i hate being alive #why can’t I stop having people #why do I dream of people who wronged me #I miss my old self

[prehistoricmancunt]

Just truly put together that I stopped wearing clown adjacent fun makeup and extra fun outfits when my mom died and that made me very sad like to a normie I don’t look like a normie but to old me I look like suuuch a normie now it’s so sad

#it’s mostly bc I gained weight after she died and they don’t make fun stuff in plus sizes for poor people!!!!! #or maybe I’m not looking in the right places #and without fun outfits I’m less inclined to match it with fun weirdo makeup #i miss my old self #and my old life #lol #text post #mom

[zenmom]

How I feel about myself and how messed up this world is.

#zenmom #oswald the lucky rabbit #i miss my old self #toon zen

[mimisdreamland]

i am not crying..

lol its just onions and apples, my eyes are just wet

patchy is gone forever, and so is little me.

all she ever wanted was love and to be treated like she was a child. she grew up to become a disappointment, and that is now me.

#i miss patchy #i miss my old self #she was better #angst #vent

[person4924]

i miss when we would facetime for hours and never get bored. when we should laugh so hard our stomachs hurt and we couldn’t breathe. when we told eachother anything and everything. i miss you and who you used to be. i miss what we used to be. you used to be someone i trusted with everything, now your someone i barely know.

#haha lol #i miss my old self #vent #lol #tw

[strwbrymocha]

I loved another person and it made me insane. It made me crazy. It made me end up hating the one star I loved the most in the sky. It made me hate the clouds. It made me hate the rain. It made me hate myself. It made me hate her. Love. And hate.

#Im sick of feeling so much all the time #please #take it #take me away #i miss pain #i miss my old self #but most of all I miss the one I love #im sorry i cant help it

[quinnallerton]

Damn shame that meds for severe clinical depression make you gain weight.

Severe clinical depression already made me overweight.

Why is it like this?

#depression #clinical depression #mental heath issues #god #I’m a mess #fucking worthless #i refuse antipsychotics #i miss my old self

[xarkey]

Months go away, in a blink of an eye

A few months ago

I was a different kind of girl 

I was trying my best

But now I’m just here in bed

I had quite of a good skin

I had quite of a good dream 

I had what I wanted 

But then I started dying 

I went to a party

And went crazy at night 

I was with this guy

Who kissed me at the end of a song

I didn't care at all

So, I let myself go

I had a boyfriend 

But it was a mistake

Because all that I wanted

Was someone that never leaves me alone

But it took me 4 days

To end that mess

I cheated on him 

And I took the chance

I told him what I did 

And he said something like

Baby girl I would forgive everything 

And I got mad 

Because he wasn't the kind of man

I was looking for

I only took him, cause I felt pity

And some kind of convenience

My bad

My mistake 

That’s why I always say I'm a mess.

January 17 - xarkey

#im a mess #pity #sad #breakup #i miss my old self

[bamsara]

was anyone going to tell me there are fanlore pages about me and my works or did i have to find that out by myself when i tried searching for one of my tumblr posts in a google search bar

edit: i just read through the solar lunacy one and some of the details on there are just kind of....wrong. lmao

edit: there's one for my iz fics??

#im not really sure how to feel about that! #sara shush #for context i was looking for an old solar lunacy art post i made but tumblr search function is god awful #edit: the fanlore page states that sl dca are considered one person when ive stated thats up to interpretation to the readers #and also that moon doesnt regret his killing?? im-sdghklskdhg #i gen miss solar lunacy but man the pressure feels like weights #edit2: fellas i dont really think im comfortable with this sort of perception lmao #IT SAYS IM A MHA ARTIST? #HUH? #you mean the fandom i was in for like. 2 months i think #apologies but i dont care about mha that much huh #edit3: why does the iz page say stitch is my self insert

[zebratimw]

It's a good cause, a great cause even. But I need you to stop.

(old vid)

#scum villains self saving system #svsss #liu qingge #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #yue qingyuan #this is so old hehehee my second ever svsss video! #ah~ I miss qingge

[moonlitself]

Sometimes I miss my old self, how carefree and brave she was about certain things but I also think that she would be proud of how far I've made it and how I've accomplished things she didn't think herself capable of. It's always complicated to look back, makes me reflect upon my flaws and my strengths, missed opportunities and hopeful futures

#i miss my old self #i am more insecure in some aspects #but ive also grown stronger in others #mental health #personal #self care #personal improvement