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#im taking the mental break where i can get it i guess
mieczyhale · 5 months
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thank you @ alice oseman for including the "explanations for american readers" at the end of the nick & charlie novella. truly a god-send bc it covers a few things / phrases i've been lost on and haven't found a simple answer for anywhere else
like no, i didn't need to know these school terms to understand or enjoy heartstopper, but i wanted to know and understand them and now i do
little joys
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samuraisharkie · 1 year
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girl help I’m experiencing that common yet elusive late night motivation to get my life together knowing it will fall apart in the morning </3 girl fucking help me
#I hate ittt#I’m always like ‘I’m gonna start doing this’ or ‘I’m gonna finally try and get myself in a place where I can maybe take college classes’#and ‘I’m really gonna try and fix my sleep schedule and stop getting distracted instead of getting something accomplished’#and then in the morning evil me is back and they hate me and everything else#and would sell the world to hell for five more minutes of sleep#and my executive dysfunction has its claws in me again#man it sucks being so behind. I don’t want to like complain and make it sound like I’m worthless bc I’m not but man it’s hard#it’s hard watching ppl younger than you achieve your dreams of learning and getting better and breaking through that mental fog#they’re not always much younger either just like. two years is enough to make me wonder what would have happened if I was there#I know it’s not all in my control why I’m here either— there’s a lot of factors at play#but one of them IS that growing up I couldn’t never beat that executive dysfunction plus mental fog and procrastination#and then I shot myself in the foot by saying I waited to long and shouldn’t even try#and now I’m realizing I could but the years I spent fighting with myself weigh me down now and then#I can’t let it get to me because if I let myself get weighed down by it all I pull others down with me#but sometimes it does make me sad. and frustrated. when I feel this motivation when im lying in bed tired at some ungodly hour#suddenly struck with wanting to change my life and not having the daylight nor the physical/mental ability to get it done right then#not to mention the privacy. if I chose to get up at the buttcheeks of midnight and morning I would be not only destroying my own schedule#but disturbing a bunch of others too#anyway this wasn’t supposed to turn into a rant sorry#I haven’t talked a lot lately so it’s all bubbling inside I guess
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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Mn. I really wanna leave and go somewhere. If I wasn't terrified of most bugs I probably would instantly. But where?
#gotta do everything i want before i die#diary#personal#hm. i like camping. but theres just so many bugs. hm. where to tho? i dont mind camping around here - but maybe somewhere better is nice#i guess ill look into it. and maybe a therapist to help with my insect phobia thing.#im rly only scared of bees. but bc of how my mom acts with other bugs like tics and bc ive had them in my pants before -#im just generally scared and alert around bugs.#haaaah. not much to be done.#maybe i should go somewhere farther away?#i have one place in mind. but how would i get there?#theres like this stupid family emergency going on round where i wanna go so im sorta hesitent to ask for them to drive me.#hm. well maybe ill talk to my mom and see what we can do? once im camping ill be fine anyways.#all i rly need to eat is granola bars that i like. anything else is a bonus.#and i could take a break from all this *vaguely gestures around everywhere*#i could write and draw and take plenty of pictures. i should have enough room on my camera afterall. maybe i should check tho#i think this would be the cheapest option but also one of the more fun.#i dont have a passport rn so maybe i should start the application process? hm. i think ill go to japan next maybe.#or somewhere else perhaps? theres so much i wanna do suddenly lmao.#i can tell im still quite depressed. but idk what happened - most likely its that mentality#but rly i just wanna go have fun somewhere.#idk. i love to travel and with covid and everything i havent been able to and it makes me feel trapped.#i dont wanna be here forever. i sometimes hate it here... but. i just wanna go. yknow?#haaah. i rly wanna know whats wrong with me. like. not that i feel its something inherently wrong#just... i wanna know whats going on so i can better accommodate it yknow?#either way a short vacation sounds nice. like a 5 day or so one. of course this doesnt mean that ill just jump ship lmao#but hm. where to go? i cant drive so i gotta plan around that in the end. hm hm hmm. well i guess ill browse around.#i think ill research more on my break? or whenever i have free time lmao. even tho its not much. haha.
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von-karmas-a-bitch · 8 months
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you’ve got this!!
girl help i have no context ghskfhskbf thanks for whatever it is you're trying to pep talk me abt
#if i had to guess it's probably abt me rambling in the tags abt how i've been stuck in a mental illness tar pit#that caused me to run out of meds and subsequently get worse and ghost my found family grandparents for like 5 months fhsjhfjsgf#i am indeed on the verge of breaking my failgirl streak so i do got this you're right anon#the plan is to go to the farm and apologise for my disappearing act tomorrow around noon#since i feel like i can finally start volunteering consistently now bc im this close 👌 to getting back on top of shit#i actually did so much today im proud of myself#deep cleaned the degus' cages and gave them fresh bedding and they are very happy now bc making their nests is like their fave activity#especially sam he would honestly rather you give him a piece of toilet paper than a treat one man's trash truly is another man's treasure#and i took my laundry down (will put it away after I've done the other stuff i need to do) and hung my sister's up for her#(she batch cooked a bunch of meals for us and also does the bulk of housework as well as work work bc my ass is unemployed so like#it's older sibling reparations yknow. i gotta do stuff for her sometimes to lighten the load a bit lmao)#and i helped her take the bins out#and bc i have been living in my pajamas for an embarrassingly long while i have no more laundry to do aside from my bedsheets#which i am just abt to change#and THEN im gonna put my laundry away and answer that other ask#then im gonna be all caught up on Stuff I Need To Do and then volunteering at the farm will be the only thing i have to do#which will thus make it doable bc it won't make me too exhausted to do other stuff bc there is no other stuff to do#and then i will resume the usual thing where i don't go in on weekends and get the other stuff done then#i will of course inevitably burn out again but such is life when you have mental illness up the wazoo#honestly if the doctors were open on weekends that would solve a lot of my problems bc i keep forgetting to order my meds#and then i remember on the weekend but then they're closed and im like ok on monday then#and then by the time monday rolls around i forget rinse and repeat#im on the verge of running out again but fuck it we ball#i will figure this out somehow#im on top of literally everything else at least so. here's to hoping i can make it in on monday#apologies to my sister in advance for the 5 million alarms i must set but i am a very heavy sleeper#asks
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latenightdaydreams · 1 month
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OMG HANDMKFUXHAB
reader running away makes me so happy 🥺🥺 if you plan on making a part 4 for the creepy trucker series im on the edge of my seat!!!!
I'm so happy so many people enjoyed the cliffhanger with her running away!! I hope part 4 doesn't disappoint🩷
Trucker!König x Stranded!Reader Part 4 (fem)
MDNI🔞
Part1, Part2, Part3, Part5
Master List✍🏽
Tags: @nachofriess, @blue-spices, @teddy2510, @soosouyoung, @vivasab0tage
🚫As usual this story has HEAVY triggers! Please do not read if you cannot handle them! Ily all and I hope you take care of your body and mind🩷🚫
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>cw: fem/afab, non-con, p in v, being chased, pregnancy, Stockholm syndrome
3.2k word count
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As you run you can hear the booming of footsteps, quickly in your mind you’re trying to figure out where you will go; you can’t just keep running, he will outrun you. You see a woman getting into a car with a man so you run to her, yelling in your native language, “Help me! Please!”
The woman looks at you scared and locks the car doors, hitting the guy to start driving. He does and quickly tries to get away from you and whatever danger you, a foreigner, is causing. Your heart sinks and you begin to cry loudly, clearly very distressed. You don’t stop running.
Across the road you can see a row of small businesses. Without thinking you just run across the road. You hear a car horn and tires screeching.
“MAUS!” König shouts as he sees you almost get hit by a car. He sees the car stopping just before it hits you. He freezes for a second as you do in front of the car. Then you look over at him and keep running. König pursues.
You continue to run, more cars having to stop, honking at you for dashing in front of them. König is right behind you also causing traffic to stop as he runs in front of cars. You make it to the other side.
Running into one of the stores, you run up to a man shopping and begin to ask him to call the cops. The man looks at you confused and backs away. Running pass, him, you go to the woman working behind the register.
“Please help me. There is a man that kidnapped me and is chasing me! Please!” She looks at you with the same look before telling you to go.
“No, no, I need help! Please!”
“Get out!” she shouts at you; she assumes you caused trouble for yourself and wants nothing to do with it.
Then König comes into the store, his eyes looking over the place and you run and hide; ducking behind the shelves in an aisle. You can hear your heart beating in your ears, your breathing shaking as you try to sneak out of the store past König.
König walks up to a man and in German begins to describe you, asking if he saw you.
“My crazy wife is manic and ran out of the car, she isn’t taking her medicine, please I’m trying to help her.” König lied very convincingly to the man. He nodded and pointed to the other side of the store where he saw you run.
You hear his footsteps as you try to guess which way they’re about to go. You take your chance and make a run for it. König’s head snaps and begins to run after you. The lady behind the counter yelling at you and König to take this somewhere else.
Just as you’re about to escape through the door, the man in the shop grabs you. You begin to fight the man, “Let me go!”
“Bitte sei ruhig.” The man says thinking that you’re a mentally ill person.
Then you hear König’s voice, thanking the man for his help. His massive hands grasp your arms tightly and pull you to him. He wraps your arms in an x across your chest and wraps his arms tightly around them, lifting you.
You kick back, trying to hit König and shake your body trying to break free, but nothing works. König thanks the man again and begins to walk you out of the store. You’re crying as he does, making sure to quickly cross the road again.
“You fucked up Maus, you really did.”
“Please just let me go!” You sob still trying to break free but twisting your body.
König squeezes you so hard the air leaves your lungs, “Stop!”
You give up and just sob, “Please, let me go!”
“You’re mine, you have to realize that.”
You sob as he walks back to the truck. A small group of people standing outside and watching this happen. König looks at them, feeling panic but trying to appear as a worried husband. He loudly apologizes to the crowd for your behavior and tells the same lie about you being manic.
One older woman in the crowd didn’t believe König, something in her gut telling her that you’re in trouble and that he is lying. She feels helpless watching this scene play out in front of her. She seems to be the odd man out so she is scared to say something. She just watches with sadness in her eyes.
Once back inside the truck, König slams you down hard on the bed and slaps you. “You stupid bitch! You could have gotten hurt! Gotten me caught! Selfish!”
König grabs your handcuffs and restrains you again. This time also grabbing a rope and tying your ankles. You try to kick him as he reaches for them, but he is stronger than you as he grasps them firmly. He ties them so tightly that it hurts. He grabs an old t-shirt laying on the floor and stuffs it into your mouth so he doesn’t have to hear your screaming anymore.
“I was being nice to you, and you fucked it up.” He grows at you as he quickly gets into the drivers’ seat and begins to drive off.
The woman watches the semi take off as she gets on the bus with her group. A heavy guilty feeling in her stomach because she didn’t do anything. She sits next to her friend on the bus, 40 minutes pass as she sits in silence.
“What is wrong?” Her friend asks.
“I-I feel as if that man was lying. That woman looked terrified.”
Her friend nods her head, “She did.” They both take a deep breath before she speaks again, “Maybe you should report it?”
“I think I will.” She takes out her cell phone and calls the emergency hotline. She describes you and König, giving details about the odd situation that unfolded before you all today. She tells them the address and describes the semi the best she can, but she never got his license plate. The man on the line thanks her and they get off the phone.
Because of the adrenalin that flooded through your body, you ended up crashing hard and falling asleep after an hour. König was relieved, but now paranoid that someone might have called for help. Every few minutes he looks over his shoulder to check if he’s being trailed by a cop. This whole situation made him realize you’re safer at home where you can use the bathroom and eat inside the house instead of interacting with the outside world. You’ve lost those privileges.
Hours pass since the incident; you don’t know exactly how much time though. You open your eyes to very bright sunlight flooding your vision. You try to move your hand in front of your eyes to block the light, but you’re still cuffed. This time though you realize your legs and arms are handcuffed spread apart. You’re on a bed in some house. You lean your head forward and look around. You see a wooden desk, wooden dresser, and a dark blue recliner. Next to the recliner is a tripod and a ring light.
Trying to pull yourself free you realize that you’re completely naked. You begin to shake and pull, letting out an aggravated groan once you can’t pull your limbs free. Heavy footsteps travel down the hall, approaching the door to the room you’re in.
König opens the door and walks forward towards you. He stops near the side of your bed and caresses your stubbly legs. “Finally awake.”
You look at him with fear in your eyes, “Where are we?”
“My house, our house.” He sits beside you on the bed. “Why did you run? I was so nice to you.”
“I- I,” you can’t even think of a way to answer without angering him and making things worse. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” König tilts his head to the side and looks at you with a blank stare.
“Yes.”
“No, you aren’t Maus. You’re just scared. But don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. You’ve just lost your privileges. You’re safe. Don’t worry.”
While he is trying to be comforting, he isn’t. He’s the one keeping you captive. He’s the one hurting you and taking you away from a happy life. You keep your eyes on him and then look back towards the bright light from the windows. You realize the window is open and there’s a light breeze coming in.
“Don’t bother screaming Maus, I live in the country. Just you and me for miles.”
You don’t look back at him, just let those words sink in and look out of the window.
“Welcome home, I’ll show you around soon. It’s a nice place to raise a family.”
Your head snaps in his direction, “A family?”
“Ja, Maus. A family. You’ll make me beautiful babies. Plus men will pay extra for your pregnant body.”
König rubs his hand along your abdomen and smirks.
Meanwhile, police have made their way to the truck stop you were seen at. They talk to the woman that was working the cash register that day.
“They came in, both went to the bathroom, and then next thing I knew she was running and he chased after her. When they came in they looked like maybe boyfriend and girlfriend? They were close.”
“Okay, are there any surveillance cameras I can look at?”
“I’ll have to get my boss.”
“You do that.” The cop puts away his notepad and looks around the store before the boss walks out.
“Right this way, officers.”
You don’t even know how much time has passed and there has been no sign of help. You remain inside of König’s home. Your stomach is growing, swollen with his child. An old medic friend from his military days comes to the house to check on you and the baby, König tries his best to take good care of you.
It’s a warm day and you stand outside in a green summer dress, 6 months pregnant. You’re kneeling in the flower bed and pulling weeds. You stand and begin to walk to the water hose, and then your chain pulls.
König has a metal shackle around your ankle, bolted to the house so you can’t run off. He hears the chain pull as he is behind the house trimming back bushes.
“Need something, Liebling?” He walks over to you wearing jeans and a black shirt, both covered in small green specks from the bush leaves.
“The hose,” You point only a few feet away from you.
He walks over and grabs it for you, “Don’t stress yourself out, you still have to film today.”
“Okay, I won’t.”
König leans in and puckers his thin lips waiting for you to kiss him. You tiptoe to meet him the rest of the way and kiss his lips. He smiles at you before slapping your ass and walking back to what he was doing.
You water the garden, feeling your baby move within you. Resting a hand on your stomach, you begin to caress your belly. You let out a deep sigh and look around, trying to imagine giving birth to your baby here and raising your child here. König as a father…how will that work? Will I eventually fall in love?
“Liebling, are you okay?” König walks up behind you, wrapping one arm around you resting on your stomach as the other takes the water hose from you. “You’re drowning the flowers.” His voice has a light chuckle.
“Oh, sorry. I was thinking about giving birth. Being a mom. I’m scared.”
König drops the hose and wraps his arms around you.
“Don’t be scared. I knew from the moment I saw you that you’d make an amazing mom. Don’t stress you and our baby out, okay? I’ll run to the city tomorrow and get you whatever you’re craving.”
You nod your head, “Thank you König.”
“Of course, now let’s go film, ja?”
Filming was your least favorite thing to do, but it’s how König makes enough money to stay home with you, so you do it. He takes out a key and unlocks the cuff on your ankle. His arm goes around your body tightly so you can’t run away if you try.
Walking back inside, he brings you into the bedroom. “Shouldn’t I shower first?”
“Nein, the sweaty look is hot.” He kisses your forehead.
You sit on the bed as he sets everything up, placing the cameras where they need to be and making sure the lighting in the room is good. Once done he strips down to nothing, his cock soft but still 6 inches. He begins to record on all cameras and walks up to you on the bed.
He gets behind you and begins to massage your swollen breasts. You’ve already started to fill up in preparation for the baby, growing two bra sizes. König does everything he can to stimulate more lactation. He begins to squeeze your breast, forming a small wet patch on your dress. You look away embarrassed, he laughs. He squeezes more, letting the wet patches continue to grow, his erect cock rubbing against your back now.
“Let’s take this dress off Liebling.” He whispers as he helps you stand.
Once standing he slowly takes off your dress, his hand gliding over your pregnant belly. His lips kiss your neck tenderly as he makes his way down to your breast. Squeezing, he squirts a small amount of milk on his face before wrapping his mouth around your breast and suckling, drinking in any milk he can squeeze out of you. You let out soft moans as he licks your nipple before sucking again.
“Your milk is so sweet.” He growls as he seats up on the bed.
Again, he goes behind you and begins to squeeze your breasts for the cameras. Make sure to get good squirts of your milk, rubbing some of the milk all over your breast to make them shine. His head resting on your shoulder watching as he does this. Turning his head he begins to kiss the side of your face and you turn your head to meet his mouth and kiss him back.
He lets out a soft moan as he gently cups your breasts in his large hands. His tongue pushing into your mouth and twirling around, mixing your spit with his. Pulling away from the kiss a line of spit follows.
“Lay back Maus.”
You do as he says and lay back flat on the bed. He comes up and caresses your large stomach, leaving a trail of kisses up to your lips again as he positions himself between your legs. He reaches over and grabs one of the cameras and holds it angles at your pussy. He slaps his heavy cock over your tiny clit, causing you to mewl and move your hips. Disgusted with yourself because you actually want his cock.
“Beg for it.”
“Please fuck me.”
“Be more specific, Liebling.” He slaps your clit with his cock again.
“Please give me your cock. Please.”
“Good girl, that’s what I like to hear.” He begins to slip his cock into you.
You moan out and grasp the bed sheets as you feel his cock push in all the way. His hand pulls one of your legs back, making sure to leave room for your big belly. He holds the camera up to your face and you make sure to act as if you don’t want to be recorded; he said the men like it more when I act like I hate it.
“Moan for me.” He taps your face.
You let out a tiny soft moan while suppressing the enjoyment that you’re feeling. He puts the camera down to rest his hands on your belly as he begins to buck his hips more rapidly into you. It hurts so you genuinely moan in pain and try to scoot back.
“Don’t run for it.” He grabs your hips and pulls you towards him.
“It hurts!” you moan out as you squirm.
König lets go of your hips and leans forward, holding your shoulders, and he begins to fuck you so hard you begin to scream.
“Ja! Scream for me! Hure!” He lightly slaps you but you act like it was worse.
Recording takes hours to complete. König helped you get all cleaned up after and chained you to the bed again, the chain is long enough for you to walk around the room, but bolted to where you can’t get to the door or window.
“I’m going into the city to get you food and treats, what are you craving?”
You shrug and think for a few seconds, “Maybe something cakey? Also, just some stuff to make brownies or cakes to have around the house.”
“I can do that.” He leans down and kisses you gently.
“I love you both, I’ll be back.” He caresses your stomach.
“We love you too…” you watch him leave the house.
Once you hear the car door close you rush to the drawers trying to look for something that you can use to break free from the shackles. As usual, there was nothing. You sit on the bed and cry, hugging your stomach.
“I’m sorry baby, I don’t know what to do.” You whisper to your stomach. You feel torn between wanting to run towards freedom and wanting to stay here with König. A weird part of you beginning to feel for him, but also wanting your old life back. You can’t even recognize yourself anymore.
In the city König goes into a local grocery store. He collects everything you asked for plus just thing for the house. He finds a baby onesie that says “I love Daddy.” König holds the tiny little piece of clothing in his hands, smiling thinking about holding his baby in his arms. He adds the onesie to the cart.
He walks up to the front of the store and begins to bag his items as the older woman working the register scans his items. He looks around the store as he waits for his payment to process and he sees a board of posters.
“Here’s your receipt.”
König’s attention turns back to the nice woman. He smiles and grabs the piece of paper from her, grabbing all of his bags and walking to the poster board.
In big red words he reads the words MISSING. König stays there and reads the details. His heart sinks.
Young woman, your skin tone, hair color, body build. His semi-truck color, build, hair color. The fact you’re foreign and what language you speak is even listed. He can feel his cheeks turn red as he begins to sweat. He reaches up and rips the sign off the board and turns to leave the store.
He sits in his SUV and looks at the poster. He wonders how many there are and how much information the cops actually know.
“FUCK!” He yells in his SUV and he runs his hands down his face. He takes a deep breath before pulling out of the parking spot and beginning to speed home to you.
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Text
.⋆。You’re My To-Do List。⋆.
Clark Kent x plus size reader
A break in the day’s pack schedule means that Clark is going to be in your pants.
Warnings: domestic fluff, mom!reader, implied smut, oral (f receiving), Conner is still Clark’s clone in this, car sex
WC: 598
A/N: I lost the request I'm so sorry!
Minors DNI
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3000 Follower Celebration
With five kids, three of which were just under two, it was almost impossible to have a moment alone with your husband and when you did, there was never enough time for sex. So when there was a 10 minute gap between dropping Jon off at the Wayne’s and picking up the triplets from daycare, Clark wanted to take full advantage. 
You were looking down at your shopping list, mentally going over all the things you would need for the week when suddenly the mini van swerved and you were thrown against the passenger door. “Clark!” But your husband wasn’t listening. Instead he was directing the car down an empty road off of the private lane from Wayne Manor. Once he felt you were far enough from the main road, he shut off the engine and turned to you.
“Take off your pants, get in the back.” 
“Clark no. We have things to do.” He pouted.
“Yeah I know, you’re on my to-do list. See.” He pulled out his phone and showed you his notes app, where at the top it said ‘to-do list’ with a simple ‘eat my wife’s pussy’ right under. You sighed heavily through your nose. Clark was almost glaring at you with a determination you had only seen him use in the most dire of circumstances.
Damn those big blue eyes. You glanced down at your phone and made a note of the time. “You have five minutes.” The click of the seatbelt releasing and his large hands on your wide hips were your only warning before you found yourself in the very back of the car, with your lower half completely naked. 
He nestled his broad shoulder between your plump thighs and pressed his face to your core. You sagged against the seats as he pushed the tip of his nose against your clit like he was trying to breathe you in. You tangled your fingers in his curls as you used your dominant hand to pick up your phone once more. The shopping list was slowly getting longer as Clark took his sweet time lapping at you but not doing much more than that.
“Oh remind me that we need to pick up some more laundry detergent for Conner, I’m pretty sure he’s been using your mom’s. And the girls need glitter from some project the day care wants to do. And Diana mentioned- ow! What the fuck! Did you just bite me!” And sure enough, Clark pulled away from your inner thigh where a nice deep indent of his teeth now lay in your soft skin. A smug grin pulled at his lips, the same grin that resulted in you birthing four big-headed babies.
“Will you just shut up and let me go down on you? I haven’t tasted this perfect little pussy in almost a month and I know that we both need it.” He begged and scooted closer so he could rest his cheek on your mound. “Please just forget all of that shit for five minutes and let me make you feel good.”
Your hand fell from his hair to his jaw, stroking the stubble that he hadn’t had time to get rid of. “Okay okay. I guess you’re right, it has been a while and we’re both a bit pent up.” He smiled at you, kissing the tips of your fingers. 
“Of course I’m right! Now let me get to work.” And then he threw your legs over his shoulder and got down to business. 
Long story short, you were 20 minutes late picking up your toddlers.
Request: Can I please request number 20 with clark kent, pretty please?
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lilac-5ky · 6 months
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The Party (Satoru x Fem!Reader)
Plot: You decide to surprise your boyfriend on his birthday
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Tags: Birthday fluff, Comedy, Hurt/Comfort, Slight Angst, Shibuya incident?What Shibuya incident? (year is 2018), Established Relationship, Gojo Senpai, Satoru being the adorable menace everyone loves, SO. MANY. CHARACTERS. MAKING. APPEARANCES, feels like an actual jjk ep at this point, (fic deteriorates a bit over the latter part as my mental health does, writing until 6 am is exhausting, i know im late but spare me)
Word Count: Slightly under 9k.
A/N: Happy late Birthday, my love 💙💙💙
Masterlist | Requests | AO3
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“Are we there yet?”
“Almost there—watch your step!” You warn, only to lose your footing a second later as you smash head first into your boyfriend’s back.
There is no way Satoru doesn’t know where the two of you are headed. Even with his technique supposedly turned off and your shaky hands concealing his curious eyes, all the things that make Jujutsu Tech into the place that raised generations of sorcerers (yours, included) continue to exist, bearing witness to his intentionally dumb guesses.
“Is it the beach? Are you taking me to see the ocean?” Satoru excites. “Aw, baby! You should have told me so; I would have brought my swimming trunks with! Although, I hafta say swimming in December is probably a bad idea, my nipples will freeze and fall right off. You wouldn’t want that, right?”
A sigh evades your lips, expelled as a little white cloud of frustration. On second thought, his mouth was what needed to be covered. Preferably stitched.
“I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we aren’t going to the beach”—aw, shoot—“and your nipples get to live another day.” Your teeth chatter. Tiptoeing behind him with upstretched arms is already hard on its own. Doing so in the cold is purely exhausting.
You lose count of how many torii gates you cross, the joint click of your shoes switching to an uncoordinated thump as you go from traversing cobblestone paths to climbing an endless uphill of stairs, your stroll, again, feeling like part of a survival show. Curse Master Tengen. They might have only been responsible for the barriers, though in your scare, that doesn’t stop you from holding them accountable.
We are going to die.
Or more like you are going to die, considering Satoru’s already secured himself a life net in the form of your poor broken-to-be bones, and that’s the best case scenario you can hope for, the worst being having to repeat your ascension from the bottom step up.
“Then, are we visiting Himeji Castle?” Satoru continues, the frigid temperature not enough to crack his spirit. “Because I know the single best place for Tama Tsubaki. So fragrant, so elegant, so deliciously sweet! You haven’t been to Himeji before, have you? It’s also known for its excellent leather craftsmanship. Last time I went there, they had these insanely pretty wallets with—”
“N-no!” You yelp, voice as strained as if you’re walking on a tightrope. Shivering, “Wouldn’t you have noticed if I took you on a 4-hour road trip?”
“But time always moves so fast when I’m with you.” He coos in response, his tone serious when he asks, “Wanna take a break? Promise to keep my eyes closed till we reach the top. And after that too, if you want.”
Silky lashes map out the inside of your palms as they flutter against them, sweet little butterfly kisses that convince you to withdraw your hands. After all, you’d hate for his birthday to be stained with blood.
Not yours, at least.
“If you dare open them, I’ll kill you.”
“How scary!” Satoru captures your frozen hand and slips it in his coat’s pocket with far too great precision for someone with impaired vision. You don’t complain. Not even when he makes you bump into every single step on your way up, giggling to himself, until, as promised, you reach the summit and he lets go for you to assume your previous positions.
“I don’t”—pant—“miss”—pant—“walking this w-walk.” You muster in between labored breaths, palms on your knees as you crouch forward like an elderly lady with chronic back pain. “Wh-what are you smiling for?”
“Nooooooothing!” Satoru chirps, soft dimples carving hard into his milky complexion. “Just takes me back to the time when you still called me Gojo Senpai is all.”
Your youth comes playing in your head like an old cassette forced to rewind, bittersweet recollections sending you on a sudden trip down memory lane.
You met Satoru at the peak of spring and fell in love with him over the course of fall—a swirl of autumn leaves coloring the currently naked maple trees red. Muddy soles and uniforms soggy from the rain. Chasing after an umbrella you agreed to share and hopscotching across shallow puddles. Laughing louder than the pending storm.
But before that, bickering. So much bickering that continuously tested the patience of those around you, arguments over video games escorting you to morning assembly, and plans to catch new movie releases sealing your goodbyes.
The bitterness of Shoko’s cigarettes and the promise to never smoke again. Arcades and electronics in Akihabara. Karaoke and conveyor belt sushi in Shibuya. Getting a stranger to buy you your first beer and puking your guts outside a convenience store in Shinjuku. The promise to never drink again.
Moon-viewing festival. The unforgettable sight of him in a yukata, your heart multiplying itself into your eyes. Stolen glances and not-so-accidental nudges. Your first kiss tasting of melon soda, your second burning faster than the wick of his sparkler. Another kind of promise.
The giddiness of first love filters the film pink. Five-minute dates behind the old gym in flash forward. Late-night expeditions to each other’s dorms. Your loss of innocence overshadowed by the sudden loss of Haibara. Tears that threaten to spill out of the sequence. Suguru’s betrayal. The strength to move forward.
You’ve come a long way since the days you cheekily called him Gojo Senpai without a care in the world, and even though tragedy managed to forever sully them, standing here with him now makes it worth the pain. Given the chance, you’d do it all over again.
Rolling the cricks around your neck and shoulders, you walk up to Satoru, a tug at the lowest hanging tuft of hair signaling for him to meet your height. Knees bent. Eyes still closed. Lips still curled. Features so undeniably beautiful at 29 as they were at 17.
“Don’t move.” You mumble, smiling softly as you watch him pucker his lips in anticipation of a kiss. Instead, you fish out a pair of rectangular shades from inside your pocket and place them over the bridge of his nose.
“Let’s go before we get scolded for being late again.” Your hand steals his this time around, ushering him forward. A speckle of heat shooting from your fingers to your cheeks. “I trust you not to spoil your own surprise, Gojo Senpai.”
You are less than thirty steps away from your destination when, without a warning, the man behind you stops moving, forcing you to halt with him.
“What is it?” You ask, your body reeled closer to his from the bind of your fingers. “If you’re gonna ask whether I��m taking you to Laputa, I’m sorry to disappoint, but I’m still figuring out the coordinates.”
“That’s not it.” He huffs a chuckle against your knuckles, tenderly brushing them against his cheek. “But drop a pin when you do. Always wanted to take a nap in that fluffy flower bed. I’m sure it tastes fluffy too, just like whipped cream.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.” You return, a yawn coaxed at the mention of napping. “So, what is it? Why did we stop?”
“I’m cold.”
“Well, so am I, but we really are close this time. If you just—”
“You should kiss me.” Satoru announces with solemnity better befitting a declaration of war. He realizes that himself, bringing his free hand to ruffle the hair on the back of his skull. Awkwardly. Ears tinged red. Cutely. “That would warm me up.”
“Is that your excuse?” You ask, chapped lips rubbing together. Your heartbeat felt in your throat. You shouldn’t be feeling like this. Not when you’ve known each other for the better part of your lives. It’s not normal. You don’t think you are.
“Nope.” He balances things out with a boyish smile that doesn’t make things any better for the lovesick teenage girl residing in your heart. She doesn’t know any better but to fawn over it. “My excuse is that we haven’t kissed here before. We’ve kissed there,” you follow his pointer, first to a bench made of stone and then to a blind spot behind some shrubs, “and there—many times there, heh, but not here. So we should kiss.” He reasons with a simplistic, nearly childish mindset. One you can’t quite argue against.
Until his spell breaks on you rather unceremoniously.
“I thought your eyes were closed!”
“Well, they were, but then I—hah, stop pullin’ like that—started missing your pretty face too much. Can’t deny me the simple joys in life, sweet cheeks.” He grins. “C’mon, just one kiss. Then we can meet with Yuji and the others. Promise I’ll act extra surprised!”
“Y-you knew?” Your eyes widen.
“I’ve known for about a week now? Heard you two talking on the phone, plus the kids asked to be put on cleaning duty when they usually leave everything to Megumi. Then a ton of chairs started to go missing, and—”
You barely bother listening to the rest, too caught up in your thoughts for Satoru’s detailed explanation of where it all went wrong to matter. Every year without exception—from your 16th birthday party-for-two in that tiny storage room you were accidentally locked in together to last year’s all-out murder mystery dinner party—he’s managed to sweep you off your feet, and yet you can’t throw him one party without it being spoiled.
You aren’t a planner. You know that. You know, but somehow you hoped this year would be different. That, twelve years after his insistence to spend his birthday in your company alone took root, (“Why would I want to spend this day with anyone other than you, angel? We have tons of fun together, don’t we? Just me and my special girl. Speaking of, any special requests for your birthday? I have some ideas myself, hehe~”) and one year after he stopped waiting for an apparition to show up and celebrate with him, he’d allow himself to bask in the appreciation of the living.
“Are you mad?”
The buzz of his voice quiets down, the paleness of a winter morning dawning beneath snowy lashes as he peers at you from above the rim of his sunglasses. Snowflakes of wonder stirring in his irises that contain them like two perfect snow globes, trapped in them, an ageless moment of the past.
“I’m relieved.” Satoru whispers, so faintly you almost miss it.
“Re…lieved?”
“You brought everyone here, right?” You nod. “Without blackmailing anyone?”
“Just Nanami.” You admit. “And Ijichi—Shoko promised to take him out for drinks if he came.”
“That’s good.” His lips pull into a smile warm enough to thaw your worries. “Honestly, I’m not the biggest fan of my own birthday.”
“I’ve noticed,” you interrupt. “You aren’t the only one perceptive here, Mister Six-Eyes.”
He gives you a funny look, creases forming over his brow as an imaginary zipper is drawn across the corners of his lips.
You unzip it. “Please continue, Great Gojo Senpai.”
His eyes light up. Satoru isn’t one for honorifics, yet hearing you address him as such makes the lovesick teenage boy in his heart shudder with excitement.
“You know what birthday I got the biggest haul for?” A shake of your head prompts him to continue. “Seventh.” Figures, you add. He nods. “Wanna know what they got me? A Hokusai painting. You know. One of those wavy ones.” Only he would ever refer to a Japanese classic that way. “But seven-year-old kids don’t care about dead people’s paintings or Shinto shrine visits. They want adventure, balloons, and luscious Gâteau au Chocolat. The new Street Fighter game, maybe.” His fingers snap together. “They want Laputa.”
You forget your hand is still in his until it’s given a light squeeze, Satoru nervously fiddling with your fingers while he mulls over what to say next.
“Bottom line is, birthdays with the clan suuuuuucked. And then, as I got older, I grew tall enough to outrun those stupid goons watching over me. So I’d run straight to Suguru’s house, drag him to the station, and from there, we’d go to that one pastry shop in Shinjuku and buy every cake on display. We’d eat till we both got sick—hah, you wouldn’t think his stomach was this sensitive with all those curses he gobbled up, right?—and then a few years later we met Shoko, and she’d put out her cigarette on my share.” He hisses like a distressed cat. “Then we met you”—another squeeze—“and those were the best birthdays of my life. Back when we were all together.”
“Satoru—”
“I didn’t think I could have that again.” He cuts you off. “But you said you got everyone together, and while some of us are no longer here, a lot are. This is good. You did well. I’m relieved, really. I’m happy.”
By the time Satoru finishes talking, you find yourself at a loss for words, blankly staring at his unaffected expression. It’s easy to forget how vulnerable he can be in those rare outbursts of sincerity; easy to forget that the one branded as the strongest is a person who cries and breaks too, and even easier to let yourself be deceived by that happy-go-lucky attitude. But as a smile begins to take shape upon your features, you can see where he’s coming from.
You are relieved.
“What are you smiling for?” Satoru asks in the same manner you did earlier.
“Nooooooothing!” You shamelessly steal his line. “Just thinking about the sorry look on your face when you realize there’s no chocolate cake.”
“You evil witch!” He proclaims, mouth hanging slack and forefinger pointing in accusation. “Next you’re gonna tell me you didn’t buy candles either!”
“Actually…”
You take hold of his finger before he can protest any further. Not that he wants to when both his hands are enveloped in the warmth of your smaller ones, childishly swinging by your sides. Back and forth. Up and down. Round and round. Arms overlapping as you both step closer, chuckling at a joke only your eyes seem to know.
“About that kiss.” You begin, laughing again at the small, exasperated mhm your boyfriend lets out, his Adam’s apple bobbing under the high neck of his sweater. “Are you still feeling cold?”
“So cold.” Satoru wiggles his shoulders as if he’s truly shivering. “Warm me up before the cold hand of death takes me away. Pleaseeeee.”
You aren’t one to deny him. Tiptoeing forward, you crane your neck so you can reach higher, while he bends his knees to shorten himself, meeting you halfway. Heavy breaths are shared as your noses brush together. The subtle notes of bergamot on his clothes blending with the wintry crisp in the atmosphere. Eagerness tugging at his bottom lip.
You might not be one to deny him, but you definitely are the type to tease him.
“Why don’t you do it? Why should I be the one to kiss you?”
“Wha—because I asked you!” Satoru quips.
“And?”
“And I have Senpai rights. Plus you didn’t pay boyfriend tax this morning, and come think of it, you didn’t wish me a Happy Birthday either!” He gasps like he only realized that just now. He builds his entire case around it. “Birthday Boy demands it. You have no choice but to give in or you’ll be cursed for your next seven birthdays!”
“But I thought you didn’t like your own birthday.”
“Baby!” Satoru finally breaks, his voice reduced to a high-pitched whine. “Even so, you can’t be mean to me on my own birthd—”
His lips are warmer than yours when you nullify the distance, conveying the softness and fruitiness of your stolen chapstick. A smirk is written on them, bitten away as you drag his hands closer to your body, foreheads bumping together and sunglasses nearly slipping from his nose. He giggles into your mouth, whispering how hot he finds it when you take the lead—moaning at the way your tongue presses against his, and disregarding the three sets of footsteps that enter the scene.
“Sensei!” A somewhat recognizable, albeit squeaky, voice calls out. “We’ve been waiting for you!”
“Way to ruin the surprise, Itadori!” Another, angrier, squeaky voice scolds.
“Idiot, you just said there was a surprise. And I told you both to go easy on the hellion.” The last of their group tries to deadpan, somehow sounding more ridiculous than his peers.
“Pft—F-Fushiguro!” Nobara and Yuji laugh in sync, too preoccupied with poking fun at their classmate to notice your form erasing itself from existence behind Satoru’s back as he turns around to face them.
“Yuji! Nobara! Megumiiiii!” His tone is colored with a falsetto when he addresses his favorite (target) student, prompting the duo to keep harassing him with countless pokes at his confetti-laced spikes.
Your plan to use poor Megumi’s torture as a decoy to flee the premises goes to waste as your hand is held out in the open, with Satoru showing you off to them like the big prize at the end of a wrestling match.
“Oh, future Mrs. Gojo Sensei!” Yuji is the first to acknowledge your presence; the effects of the gas are all but worn off as he timidly waves at you. “I didn’t know you were here! What brings you to school today?”
“That’s quite the title, Yuji. Told you to just—ugh!—call me by my first name.” You struggle to pull your wrist out of Satoru’s grasp. You lose. “Also, no need to keep playing charades. He knows.”
“You told him? Then what was all of this for?” Nobara comes forth, a pink balloon dramatically deflating in her hands.
“Actually, I figured it out myself! Aren’t you proud to have such a smart teach—”
“No!” Two out of three shout in unison. You almost do so yourself.
After their back and forth escalates into a full-blown debate on who’s more intelligent, Satoru or Megumi’s shikigami (the results to be announced on a future episode of Are You Smarter than a Toad?) and happy birthdays are wished, Yuji asks the one question you feared answering the most.
“Sensei? Miss Y/N? What were you doing out there in the cold?”
Their own curiosity beats Megumi and Nobara to the classroom as they stall their entrance, with Satoru being the first to hit the buzzer.
“You see, Yuji, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they—ahahouch! Love really does hurt! It hurts so badly!” He yelps as you stomp on his foot hard enough to cripple an average man.
“Don’t you dare use me as a test subject for the talk, Satoru!”
“What talk, darlin’?” He smiles coyly, not losing the chance to brag. “Oh, you mean the talk about how you fell victim to my charms and couldn’t wait till we were alone to kiss me? Guess I still got it, despite the extra candle on the cake.”
“Aww!”
“Eww!”
“Gross!”
The reactions vary.
“You’ll get another candle lit up in your memory if you keep spewing shit like this!” Your attempt to step on his shoe is countered by his technique.
“Hey, no cursing in front of my precious students!” Satoru chides. “We’re supposed to set an example for them, not taint their innocent souls!”
“Satoru!” With a tremendous roar, the door flies open, startling the three students to jump behind their teacher and you to follow suit.
Principle Yaga stands by the frame, his authoritative tone coursing through your body as it recalls every punishment he ever subjected you to. The soreness in your calves from running laps around school for being late. The dryness in your eyes after surviving one of his excruciating educational VHS tape sessions for being “cheeky” and the ache in your fingers from scrubbing the gym floors squeaky clean—courtesy of being caught sneaking back into the dorm with tousled hair in the dead of night.
You almost feel sorry for Satoru acting as the wavebreaker for the incoming tsunami, but then you remember how the majority of your crimes were incidentally committed in his name and wish him good luck. He deserves whatever earful he gets, possibly something along the lines of “Sixteen minutes late? Are you trying to break a world record?”
“You think Gojo Sensei will die?” Yuji whispers. “He’s at that age when a lot of celebrities die, right?”
“He’d better not! I didn’t bring any funeral wear with me.” Nobara answers back.
“Can’t you read the room?” Megumi rasps. “Plus, that’s the 27 Club you’re talking about. Gojo Sensei has outlived that.”
“Didn’t take you for a clubgoer, Fushiguro.” The two of them snicker, prompting Megumi to sigh as he again points out their idiocy.
“Principal Yaga!” Satoru bravely puts himself forward, your line of defense falling apart like a house of cards you’re made to support on your own. “Are you here to wish me a happy birthday? How thoughtful! Guess it’s true what they say: People mellow down with age.”
“Sixteen minutes late—”
The man’s mouth twitches furiously as an invisible countdown starts in all your heads, none of you expecting the situation to simmer down before it boils over.
“But I’ll let it slide this once. Happy birthday, Satoru. I’ve stopped hoping that the years bring you wisdom and fix your bad habits. It’s pointless; every year you turn more impudent than the year before,”—is that supposed to be a birthday wish or you getting kicks from throwing shade at me?—“but I wish they bring you happiness. I made this with you in mind. Hope it’s to your liking.”
You watch as Principal Yaga reveals a felt doll from behind his back, handing it to a repulsed Satoru, who makes no effort to conceal his personal feelings, let alone express gratitude.
“Huh? What’s that supposed to be?” He asks, shaking the doll so quickly you only catch a glimpse of its fluffy white tail and stitched black sunglasses—a cat?
“It’s you.” Its maker replies, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “And he has a name. Satoru, say hello to Catoru.”
Four of you share a look among yourselves, too stunned to say a thing until Satoru and his doll counterpart face you, the latter being held up by the scruff of his neck. Just like an actual cat.
“Do I look like this?” Satoru asks, and you all go quiet, with three hands simultaneously nudging you to represent them. Traitors!
“I mean, there are times when you do act like a cat—kinda?” Your voice is pinched up, hands moving frantically to dispute your words as your boyfriend’s face turns sourer than umeboshi. “But you look ten times—no, a hundred times more handsome! I promise! If anything, you resemble a—uh, Turkish Angora? Those are super beautiful!”
“You’d better get along.” Yaga warns. “I designed Catoru with a sweet tooth like you.”
“I don’t want a little mochi thief in my house!”
Yaga marches back into class without waiting to hear Satoru’s concerns about the impending depletion of his secret mochi stash. The kids tail after him, leaving you to comfort Satoru with a gentle pat on his back. “Let’s go inside, mm?”
The atmosphere inside the classroom is significantly more promising than what Yuji showed you on FaceTime this morning. All desks are pulled to the side in a rough T formation, with the spread of food you spent two nights making carefully put in order, from platters full of golden-crusted corn dogs and crispy chicken fingers to dainty cupcakes decorated with Konpeito candy and colorful mochi of every filling you could think of. Inumaki serves bar, and you’re pleased to see people returning for seconds, with Yuji waving his hands while praising your popping candy cake poppers to his taciturn upperclassman.
Balloons hang near the ceiling—a flag garland dangling from one end of the blackboard to the other. A gigantic birthday message spans across the surface, with smaller wishes sprinkled in abundance, some consisting of mere congratulations and others expressed with heartfelt emotion. You can easily guess who wrote what based on handwriting alone; Megumi’s by far the tidiest.
You knew leaving the decorations to Nobara was a smart choice. She knows it too. She doesn’t waste the chance to boast to Maki about it, the older girl twirling a bouquet made of lollipops between her fingers while gazing at the drifting clouds outside the window.
Satoru was right. This is good. You have every reason to be proud, too.
In the far back of the room, the adults have struck up a conversation with Panda, who snaps a picture of your entrance. The two party poopers—Ijichi and Nanami—look up from their quiet exchange.
“Satoru! You came!” Principal Yaga’s pride and joy steps forward with open arms, a party hat pulled taut between his round ears. “Congratulations on your birthday,” says Panda, planting two identical party hats on your heads. “Let me take a picture of the two of you. Couldn’t get an angle from back there.”
Your shoulders get squeezed as Satoru smooshes your faces together, the pointy tip of his hat nearly taking your eye out when he tries to steal a kiss from your cheek. You squint—and snap!
“Hey, can you take another? I think I wasn’t looking straight.”
“No do-overs!” Satoru interferes before Panda can even open his mouth. “Don’t worry! Getting a bad picture of you is impossible when you look perfect at any given time. Right, Panda?”
His former student glances down at the camera, letting out the exact same sound your computer makes when a Windows program crashes, and then rushing to mask it with a hearty chortle.
“Of course, Satoru! You got very lucky; Y/N is as beautiful as she is kind-hearted.” He shows you a grin that’s mostly teeth. “You know, she worked really hard for this party. We barely did anything ourselves.”
Not true; you all did your part…
Your eye is endangered once more, with his lips finding their target this time around. “That’s my vanilla caramel drizzle cupcake muffin baumkuchen pie to ya!”
That’s half your macchiato and half your bakery order, you argue silently.
“Shame Yuta couldn’t make it.” Panda continues. “Heard he’s down with a cold, though he did send you his gift via Maki.” A fuzzy thumb points at the closet-turned-gift-depository, where various bags and packages are stacked into a pyramid. “Anyway. I’ll let the two of you mingle. Come over if ya want more pictures of you taken. Got lots of props too.”
Your eyes follow as he returns to his post, spotting Shoko experimenting with a pair of groucho glasses. Nanami shakes his head disapprovingly, leaning back into his chair while Ijichi’s stutter is visible from where you and Satoru stand.
You glance up at him, a default smile plastered on his lips. Unreadable to others, but painfully obvious to you. The face he’s searching for is not among those present.
“Everyone seems to be having fun.” Satoru points out.
“Y-yeah.” You croak.
“Can’t believe you got everything down. Class looks like it did back then. Even the wobbly pom-pom on the party hats.” He squeezes the one on your head. “That caught me off guard.”
“Well, it would’ve been a greater surprise if you didn’t eavesdrop on my private phone calls.”
“That ain’t on me, sweets.” He whisks your hand into his and drags you onward. “Not my fault I was born with heightened senses. Better get used to it; our kids will probably take after me in that aspect.”
You shrug his comment off, watching as Satoru stows the cat away in the closet and dramatically dusts his hands off. “Another great addition to the world’s creepiest collection.” He grumbles.
“But Catoru is the cutest so far!” You object.
He is about to answer when a sound akin to that of someone choking has you both turning toward the makeshift buffet where Ijichi is downing water straight from the jug, his sunken cheeks a scarlet shade of red.
“Shit! He must’ve discovered the jalapeno poppers.” You bite your lips into a straight line, feeling somewhat responsible.
“Nice job!”
“It wasn’t my intention!”
Your plea of innocence doesn’t resonate with Satoru, who gives you a thumbs up before forming a cone around his mouth and shouting at Ijichi—chuckling at the hurried way the man searches for an escape between chairs and people.
“Ijichi! Oi, Ijichi! I-ji-chi! Over here! Come wish me a happy birthday!” He waves his arms around like Tom Hanks in Cast Away, declaring—unlike Tom Hanks—that he’s coming to him instead.
“Don’t go around terrorizing people, ‘Toru.” Your voice has him stopping his march to peck your lips.
“Promise I’ll be a good boy. You’re free to punish me if I’m not.” He smirks, finger-gunning you all the while stepping backwards in slow motion.
“You never are!”
“Hmm, that’s only because I’m the best. And you’d better prepare a handsome reward for when we get home, ‘cause the best always wins.” A flirtatious wink makes you question how many people listened in on your exchange, praying that the answer is none.
You take advantage of Satoru’s absence to pay a visit to your old friends, mentally counting the days since the last time you all gathered up. It’s been way too long—the beer you’d promised to catch up over turned into a distant fantasy.
“Gonna get yourself nauseous if you keep staring at that whirlpool, Shoko Senpai.” You plop down on the closest vacant chair, the bored brunette humming without lifting her eyes from the lemonade swirling inside her cup.
“If you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss will also gaze into you.” She states, managing to sound both mesmerized and disinterested at the same time.
“And? Seen anything yet?” You lean closer.
She retires with a sigh, dark circles looming below her hazelnut eyes. “Nothing yet.”
“How about now?”
Pulling your trump card—aka one of those miniature vodka bottles you specifically brought with her in mind—from your pocket, you pour a generous amount into her drink, reminiscing about the time she accidentally spiked Satoru’s soda and had him swimming on the floor.
It takes one sip for Shoko to liven up, a sudden jolt of energy coursing through her veins as she reaches out for the bottle.
“You’re a lifesaver, you know that?”
You chuckle. “Big praise coming from someone who actually saves lives.”
“Big words coming from people who openly drink in front of underage students.” The man to your left observes, absentmindedly picking at the tentacles of the octopus sausage on his plate.
“Kento! You made it!” You tip from one side of your chair to the other, arms dangling empty as he dodges your hug. “Having fun?”
“Please stop acting like him. I know the years in his company have caused your twisted personalities to merge, but the world is already wretched enough with one Gojo Satoru around.” He munches on the “good part” of the dissected octopus, discarding the tentacles inside a carefully folded napkin.
“But to answer your question, whether I’d rather spend my Friday afternoon explaining to everyone I know that the man in the picture dancing inappropriately with half-naked models in Ibiza isn’t me but a look-alike or sitting here, chaperoning a bunch of kids and making sure no one kills themselves, then yes. It’s not as horrible as I expected. And you’re as good of a cook as I remembered.” He wipes his mouth. “But I’m still clocking out at 7 sharp.”
“Come on! I did what I had to do to get you here!” You giggle, experiencing a little of the same rush Satoru feels when he’s poking fun at Ijichi. Oh no. “I am glad you’re enjoying the food, at least!”
A sound viler than any curse’s wail pierces through your ears as a TV cart is dragged into the room. You recognize it as Yaga’s old torture device—those five-hour black and white tapes gleaming menacingly on the lower shelves, with an unknown machine piled atop the cassette player. You aren’t sure what its purpose is until Yuji connects a microphone to it.
“Everyone—ah, ah, ah! Can you hear me?” The boy dabs a palm against the microphone, sounding loud and clear across the room. “Fushiguro, can you hear me? Fushiguro—ah, ah, ah!” The last of his ah’s interrupted by Megumi’s calling him out in front of their live audience.
“Everyone, thank you for coming to Gojo Sensei’s birthday party! I’m Itadori Yuji, and I’m happy to have co-hosted this event with Miss Y/N.”
A couple of heads turn in your direction, Satoru’s among them. It’s easy to make out his silhouette when he dwarfs everyone around him—Principle Yaga on his side and an antsy Ijichi lurking behind them.
“I enrolled in this school a little over a semester ago by accident.” Yuji continues undeterred. “Back then, I didn’t know any more about curses than the next person. Not that I do now.” He scratches through his hair. “Honestly, it was a lot to stomach, especially the part where I get to share my body with another. I was told I’d be better off dead, and I did die once. I was supposed to be dead, but then Gojo sensei gave me a choice, and I’m here because of that choice. More than a helping hand, he’s been a guiding light to me, and on behalf of all of us, thank you, and Happy Birthday!”He bows. “I hope you have a good one!”
Yuji holds out the microphone for Satoru, the two of them sharing a high five with an affectionate pat seeing the boy off.
“Thank you, Yuji, for this wonderful speech!” Satoru grins, evidently moved by his student’s words. “Everyoooooooooooone! Give it up for the man of the hour, the one and only, the most incredibly handsome and magnificently strong sorcerer known as Gooooooooooojo Saaaaatoruuuu!” His body twists in a pirouette, peace signs and heart signs flying everywhere as he lands with a finger pointing at where the imaginary camera would be.
Unsurprisingly, no one is impressed. Cricket sounds almost audible.
“Wow, okay. Tough crowd, I guess.” His lips comically jerk to one side of his face, his tone turning nasal before switching back. “I won’t bore you with individual thanks and other useless formality crap.”
He smirks at the way your mouth rounds a silent gasp. Nanami notices too, posing a question you shrug off.
“To cut it short: first-years! You’ve all proved yourselves as worthy sorcerers and worthier humans. As a reward, I’m proud to announce your reward in the form of a—c’mon guys, drum your desks a little!—luxurious, one of a kind, ten outta ten, uniquely planned field trip by moi!”
“Is it Paris? Are you taking us to Paris?” Nobara dreams out loud.
“Sensei! How about Universal Studio? I saw them post their newest churrito flavor on their webpage.”
“Can I sit this one out?” A gloomy murmur begs.
“Great thinking, Yuji! Unfortunately, Nobara, we won’t be going overseas this time, but, Megumi, you’ll definitely want to reconsider once you hear our destination, which iiiiiis—excitement is free, everyone!—Parque Espana!” Satoru claps for his suggestion.
Three dejected faces say pass in unison, with only Megumi daring to complain about Satoru taking him and Tsumiki to the theme park every second Sunday when the two were younger. You remember that. Some times you’d tag along, and you’d all grab ice cream while staring at that humongous roller coaster the kids were too short to ride.
Undefeated, Satoru directs his attention to the second-year students, the three of them loitering by the chip bowl. His tone turning grave, “Second years, I’m honestly very disappointed in all of you. In our two years of knowing each other, you never thought to throw your favorite teacher a party for his birthday. You’re lucky I don’t have the authority to drop you a grade, but still. You fail!”
“Fish Flakes!” Inumaki expresses his supposed disagreement.
“Huh? You never even told us when your birthday was because you didn’t want us knowing your real age, you blindfolded idiot!”
“Maki, not now!” Panda anxiously gets in her way. “Cool it!”
“You should have figured it out yourselves.” Satoru toots. “Moving forward! I’d like to give my special thanks to the moon of my life, my sun, and my stars.”—you knew watching Game of Thrones with him was a very bad idea—“Y/N! Come here, sweetie. Don’t be shy; everyone knows how much we love each other.
It almost feels like you have the limelight shining on you, with every person eagerly awaiting your response. You gulp hard, whispering so that only Nanami can hear. “You were right. Please save me.”
“What is it, Buttercup? You already have my heart, but if there’s anything you’d like for me to do, then now is the moment to say it.” Satoru smiles sweetly, his voice dripping with honey.
“Actually, there is. Can you put me down?” You kick your legs around while he hoists you up in bridal style, your unjust abduction having occurred in the blink of an eye.
“Anything and everything for you!” He kisses the top of your head, holding you close to him even after letting your feet touch the ground. “Alright, that’d be all! I hope everyone gets to have the time of their lives. Now, let’s get this party started!” He throws the microphone up in the air.
Nothing happens.
“I said, let’s get this party star—whatever.” Satoru gives up half-way through raising his arm again. “Yuji, play something fun!”
“On it!” Yuji salutes him, and the two of you walk away from the blackboard.
A faint sigh echoes behind you, its relief cut short as Satoru grabs the microphone once more. “Ah, right. Ijichi, I’ll see you in my office on Monday. I’d wear a headband if I were you.”
“I’ve c-committed a mortal sin, G-Gojo!” Ijichi struggles to say, uncertain of the crime he’s being accused of, yet hopeful for Satoru’s forgiveness.
“You are such a menace!” You throw a playful punch to his chest once he sits you on his lap, away from the eyes of people gathering around the karaoke machine, and close to Nanami, who departs with a disgusted scoff.
“You love me for it.” Satoru’s lips press softly against yours, incapable of hiding his smile when you pull his face in for another kiss, the tight squish of his arms making sure you’re going nowhere.
“I do.” You affirm, rubbing your nose on his. “I love you.”
“How much?” His eyes crinkle fondly.
“Hmm, like, a lot?” You giggle, your fingers absently brushing through the trimmed hair on the back of his skull. “Enough to spend half a lifetime by your side and still find you the most incredible person in all of creation.”
“Wanna spend the other half too?” His breath on your cheek colors your skin red, your eyes momentarily lost between shades of blue.
“Come back with a ring, Shit-toru.”
“That’s not the way you talk to your future husband!”
“He’s here? With us? Right now?” You gasp, frantically looking around, until Satoru forces you to face him with a thumb on your chin, his other hand squeezing an innocent touch around your thigh.
“Satoru!”
“Scared your future husband will see us?” He throws his head back, laughing at your panicked state. “Don’t worry. I’ll fight him for you. And win. After all, I am the strongest.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, he did it! He said the line with only—”you glance at your phone—“six hours left before the day ends, what an amazing record!”
A shrill screech fired from the other side of the room interrupts your banter, the microphone turning into a lethal weapon in Panda’s massive palms. The students appear to have divided themselves into couples, fighting over who gets to go first until Inumaki takes the initiative with a rap song—or, more accurately, sings over a rap song, as the only words in his roster revolve around onigiri ingredients that are mentioned nowhere in the lyrics.
“Stop hogging the mic!” Maki attempts to steal it, backing away as the boy teases to unzip his collar. She knows better than to push her limits while unarmed.
Panda still gets in the middle. For precaution, you assume.
“Reminds you of something?” Satoru comments on your riveted attention. “They’re just like us. How we once were. Young and full of dreams.”
“Nah. You were always a horny bastard.” You slap the inappropriately placed hand away before you get up and sit where Nanami was previously stationed. Poking your tongue at his devastated expression.
Conversation between the two of you is kept to a minimum after a different tune begins blasting from the speakers—Yuji and Megumi take over the stage with Takada-Chan’s most recent success, one of them performing the vocals to perfection while the other merely mumbles yeah’s whenever the song calls for it. Next are Nobara and Maki, the two girls belting out to an anthem of empowerment that has the boys in the room gulping uncomfortably among themselves.
The mood shifts completely when Yaga pours his soul into an 80’s power ballad, his raspy voice transforming into the smoothest velvet, complemented by Panda’s harmonies. Even Satoru praises his old teacher, cheering him on from the bleachers with a makeshift napkin-banner.
You don’t realize your boyfriend’s gone until you see him with the microphone in hand, bending the cable as he makes quick gestures for the floor to empty, performing what is possibly the cheesiest, most romantic love song ever written, and ushering you to join him once he drops to his knees—quite literally at your feet.
You ruffle his hair and shove his goofy expression away. No matter how charming his singing voice may be, he’ll never get you to sing in public. Similar to how he’ll never catch you admitting how loudly your heart beats in your chest, despite the fact that it’s written all over your face.
God, you hate this man. So much that part of you wishes you’d spent his birthday like you did every other year—tangled in his sheets and kissing till you cannot breathe.
As soon as the karaoke session ends, Megumi and Yuji exit the room to bring in the cake, with Satoru jumping them for a thorough inspection. The dessert is inspired by one of his favorite confections. Handmade mochi bites are spread evenly between three layers of fluffy strawberry cake, the entire enterprise covered in fine red bean paste and topped with vanilla buttercream, strawberry cutouts, and, of course, more mochi in a light pink shade to recreate the world’s largest daifuku.
You lost count of how many failed attempts it took to create your own recipe from scratch, but the look on Satoru’s face is better than any payment you could possibly ask. He struggles to find a word that describes his feelings—phenomenal being the one he ends up using. Definitely better than chocolate cake. Perhaps even on par with the legendary Laputa.
Everyone gathers anew for the birthday boy to blow out his candles, awkwardness sweeping through the crowd as, one by one, you come to the conclusion that there is no available lighter.
you search through your pockets for a lighter, finding none. Shoko’s unhealthy (and supposedly cut) habit comes in clutch, with the brunette handing Yuji the keys to her office. The boy sprints outside at full speed, idle chatter put on pause as the TV starts playing on its own, the song selection window traded for a relic of the past.
“Is this even working?” A young Shoko taps the camera, tilting her body at a curious angle. Short skirt rolling up.
“Probably not. That shit’s ancient, but feel free to test it! Maybe try showing it something funnier, like your pant—”
Horny bastard. Right on the money.
“Cut it off, Satoru.” A voice makes both you and present-day Satoru shudder, its owner taking the camera from their friend’s hand to shoot footage around the gym. “Yaga Sensei told us to use this to document the Goodwill Event, not film amateur gravure.” The frame shakes once more. “Looks good to me.”
“Pft, what’s the point?” Satoru flicks a pebble at the camera. “So he can make a quick buck out of me destroying those brats? The outcome’s already decided. Now turn this thing off. I wanna lay under the sun without some junk in my face.”
The camera zooms in on him splaying his limbs on the grass, possibly near the track field, based on the slight hint of red inside the green.
“The only junk in your face is your face itself.” Shoko deadpans, making him chase after her while Suguru continues filming them until they turn into a pair of flickering dots.
“These two.”
The world is turned upside down as a close-up of his bang takes over the screen. Realizing that himself, he pulls the camera further away, cat-like irises shining like pure amber under the sunny sky. You’ve missed their warmth.
“Preparation for the Kyoto Sister-School Goodwill Event, Day 1.” He declares, and the screen goes black in an instant, white noise reigning over the space.
Your hand seeks Satoru’s on its own, the faint sound of his name dangling from your parted lips, both your breaths catching in your throats. He’s left gawking at the screen, reciprocating your touch with shaky fingers that try to anchor him to you. It’s safe to say this was not part of your plan.
“Weird. Thought it’d be one of those old workout tapes.” Nobara reveals herself as the culprit behind the incident, ejecting the tape back into its box and later standing with her hands pinned to her waist. “Gojo Sensei, I recognize you and Ieri, but who was that third person in the video? Bangs Guy.”
Out of everyone in the room, she’s the only one to have absolutely no information on Suguru. Aside from the adults, the second-years were all present during last year’s attack, and Megumi knows whatever has slipped from Satoru during his stay at the Gojo clan’s compound.
Nobody rushes to respond; all of you tuned in on Satoru even though only Shoko, Yaga, and you are directly gazing at him, his face contorted with a pained grimace he tries hard to disguise.
“Geto Suguru was—”
“My best friend.” Satoru grins at Principal Yaga’s attempt to help him, grasping your hand more confidently as he confronts the girl. “Geto Suguru is my best friend.”
“Huh. Guess there’s hope for everyone.” No one’s left with any courage to laugh at Nobara’s poor attempt at a joke. “Where is he now—”
“Senseiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!” A voice gains volume as the door bursts open, Yuji pouring into the classroom with the lighter held over his head like it’s the Olympic flame. “I g-got th-the—” He tries to breathe, ending up only saying, “Fire. Wish. What. Miss?”
“Yuji!” Satoru makes you follow him to the door. “You’re right on time! And no, you didn’t miss anything. Just stories of the past.”
“Stories?” Yuji wipes the sweat off his forehead. Still very much exasperated. “But I…like stories.”
“I know you do.” Satoru’s eyes settle on yours, the clamor in his eyes hushing for the first time in years. “But birthday wishes are meant for a future that’s yet to be written.”
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“Thank you!”
Appreciation falls from your lips as a long-drawn yawn, every second you spend huddled under the kotatsu’s warmth begging to lull you to sleep. Today was a long day. So long, it feels as if it spanned an entire lifetime.
Satoru plops down beside you, the neckline of his sweatshirt diving low over his collarbones as he chugs his share of hot cocoa. Yours remains untouched while you switch between the same two movie options, incapable of picking one over the other.
“What do you have for me?” He asks, running his fingers over the ceramic rim. A melodic string instrument-like sound is induced.
“Okay so. Got the cult classic Sixteen Candles, which we’ve probably watched more times than Molly Ringwald had to practice her lines for the role, and I also have La Boum, in case you’re feeling more adventurous, and I don’t know. Frenchy, maybe.”
“Hmm, I mean. When you phrase it like that…”He acts as if he’s seriously contemplating his choice, only to snatch the remote from your hand and choose La Boum. He smiles slyly, curling near your chest. “It’s what you obviously wanted to watch. And I always choose, so.”
“Forfeiting your birthday boy rights?” You hum, tenderly combing through his freshly washed white strands. He smells just like his cake, you think. “Be careful. There are still nine minutes left before your birthday’s over, and you’re robbed of your rights for an entire year. Think you can make it?”
“Will you be with me during those horrid days?” His voice turns muffled.
“Always. Now, before the movie starts and you ruin the fun with your excessive blabbing, how about you reach under the kotatsu for your gift?” You suggest, chuckling as his head lifts up, cerulean eyes shining with unfeigned surprise.
“Angel! You shouldn’t have!” Satoru beams whole as he drags the heavy box out, shaking it in an attempt to feel out its contents.
“You know that doesn’t work with me. C’mon. I’ll pause for you.”
He wastes no time to untie the light silver bow that ties the box together, taking, however, his sweet time to review each and every object placed within. Carefully, he lays everything out on the table, small gasps evading him at a constant and maturing into a full-on shriek as he spots that one rare Digimon trading card you bust your gut trying to purchase via private online auctions.
“I—um. I know it doesn’t sound too good ‘cause I’m your girlfriend and I’m supposed to know everything about you and what you want, but I really had no idea what to get for your birthday. So I decided to get you a bit of everything from your favorite things. You can blame me for weaponizing nostalgia later.”
You clear your throat with a quick sip of cocoa. Licking your lips, “Anyway. It’s really no biggie as you can see. I just bought off some trading cards, ported a few of your old favorite games to a current generation console—yes, Street Fighter included—and made you this silly beaded charm with our initials for your phone, since they are back in fashion.
“I know it’s not much, and you could buy those things at any given time, but—time is something you cannot buy, right? Your childhood, your youth. The so-called best years of your life. I wanted you to have that back, even if just for a day.”
It’s been minutes, and Satoru remains quizzically silent, to the point where the array of kisses aimed at your neck comes as a true ambush. You’re knocked to the floor, giggling and flailing while he shows you his affection in every way possible, kissing you, praising you, hugging you—loving you.
“H-Happy Birthday, Toru.” You repel his face enough to say. “Y-you know, a thank you would be nice to hear!”
“As if you don’t know what I’m about to say.” Satoru grins, holding your palms to his mouth. Kissing them one by one, repeatedly, and slowly. Multiple times each. “You are my childhood. And my youth. And the best years of my life—they are all you. Everything we’ve been through, and everything we’ll live together.”
“How’s that for a thank you?” He chuckles, quickly breaking the tension with a final kiss on your nose. Perhaps the only part of you that’s not tinged red. “That being said…”
“You want to go for a quickie?” You sniffle against your will.
“See? You do know everything about me.” He reaches for the deck of cards with the swirly brown backside. “It’s time to duel!”
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A/N: sorry for hastily written ending. had no time, oopsie!
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onlyjaeyun · 2 months
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i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.
you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.
the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?
idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.
thank you for the feedback!
i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?
now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright
on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense
now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.
and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.
yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨
if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.
as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"
i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine
do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this
if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr
oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)
and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters
goodbye
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pinazee · 11 days
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Bounty Hunters!
I just find it so adorable when a kid has bright ass food stains on them. Its like the essence of childhood or something more poetic haha also, this might sound insane, but this is the first ep i could feel that shawn and gus had been friends since childhood. Possibly because they’re nearly wearing the exact same shirts and at the same steps so the parallel is a lot more obvious. Like it just clicked in my brain or something.
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I just really liked this shot. That is all.
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Shout out to James and Dulés’ stunt double
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This is one of those times i don’t envy actors. This looks so uncomfortable. Also, i can’t decide if it’s naivety or arrogance that Shawn would think he could go into this bar and be okay?? I guess you can assume that Shawn knew Tancana would stop them before they caused any serious damage but that one guy was about to hit him with a chain, and its one thing to go into this on your own, its another to bring your friend with you.
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A+ scene work from Corbin Bernsen here lol
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This is what I do to get my dog to stop eating her toys. Doesn’t work with her either.
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One of the few times Shawn kind of loses it with Gus and has to recollect himself haha. Like he’s been frustrated sure, but he usually applies some sort of manipulation. But i really like this scene because usually its Gus thats frustrated with Shawns behavior.
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Sidenote: about the super sniffer. I don’t think its that he can smell things others can’t, because Shawn usually points it out and can recognize it, i think the super sniffer is that Gus can break the smell down and put a name to it. Like the gardenias in the perfume, the ginger blossoms in the kangaroo paste. Shawn just knows its kangaroo paste. Idk, i had to think about it at least haha
What a goof. But also, ive started watching Gus while shawns doing his breakdowns and he’s like miming beside him haha if i see it in a later ep i’ll gif it.
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Its kind of insane that Bird hands over Tancana and this supposedly alleviates Juliets guilt? Like i get the line she says we all make mistakes as a way of saying Juliet’s forgiven herself, but um, she didn’t really do anything. I wish instead they would have had Shawn notify the cops where he’d be, have lassie ignore him per usual, but let juliet take off on her own (against orders) and save them from bird that way (possibly at the parking garage). This way we can see that she can still rely on her gut and it isn’t handed to her by shawn, kind of like the If You’re So Smart ep, when he solved her case and its somehow a win for her. Its still a sweet gesture that Shawn was cool semi-risking his life (and gus’s for that matter) so she can “save” them and get her good reputation back, even if it doesn’t quite make sense haha
The near kiss was perfection! I think a full kiss would have been too soon, particularly because Juliet was pretty vulnerable just then and it wouldn’t feel right. But the fact that it made juliet nervous enough to start dismantling her gun like she’d been doing all day- fantastic way to gain insight into to her mind and give us the audience hope that the ship would exist. She seems pretty conflicted about him (i think mainly because she doesn’t date coworkers?). I mean, from her perspective, she only know him as immature, irresponsible to a degree, who relentlessly flirts, BUT at the same time is incredibly kind and fun. I would have some hesitation too. Being kind and fun will only get you so far, in my book at least. I also need someone i can rely on to do the boring grown up stuff so im not solely responsible and Shawn just doesn’t come across as someone who can do that (yet). And not to spoil it, but in the bank robbery ep, we learn Juliet likes them mature.
okay. I don’t think this is going to be a popular opinion (just to prepare you mentally) cause i believe everyone loves this scene, and don’t get me wrong i love it too, i just think it doesn’t quite fit in the ep? Like i know shawn was flirty with jules the whole time, and he’s trying to impress her, but it was always jokey and they didn’t really have a solid heart to heart moment, and it pulls away from what Juliet was going through. I think if he’d consoled her a bit, let her know that a mistake is inevitable and assuming that she wouldn’t make any was setting her up to fail, that she was still the smartest, and bravest cop on the force and she should remember that the next time that voice in her head says differently, then he could maybe go for the kiss. Maybe. I think I would’ve preferred it if he’d just consoled her and she was the one who went to kiss him but changed her mind at the last second and thats how we get close talking. Because she wants to kiss him, but at the end of the day she’s pragmatic.
(I just want to quickly add that i by no means think i can write these better. This is just fun for me to put my own little spin on it. I also know other factors go into making a show (time, budget etc) so there are things writers wanted to include that would have improved their eps but said factors forced them to make changes. I don’t want these little opinionated changes i’d make to come across as mean spirited or arrogant. They’re more like responses to a writing prompt if that makes sense.)
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stonemags · 1 year
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SUGAR BABY AU
Ch.4 Leeway
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Characters in this series: Reader, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers, Darcy Lewis, Maria Hill, Kate Bishop, Pepper Potts, Valkyrie, Shuri
Summary: As a good friend you are responsible for people closest to you, right? But can you handle it all at once? For now, your friends are a priority.
Warnings: age gap relationships, sugar mommy/sugar baby relationships, swearing, aggression, cheating, all story is gonna be +18, you are responsible for your own ass. 
Word count: 6556
A/N: This chapter took a while and im greatfull for all your patience. This story is a proces and i go through it while writing, it growns on me with every sentance and page. Im happy i can share it with you. All ideas, theories, comments are welcome. Dont steal or claim my stuff as yours or im going to bite your ass off. Enjoy!
As always thanks to @charturnus for editing, helping to write and posting this fic. It wouldn't be here without you.
Previous chapter
CHAPTER 4
The next morning. You find Darcy occupied with her phone, laughing at something and scrolling down TikTok. You can tell which side of the platform she is on, and you smile under your breath, hearing the “woooo I’m mentally ill” sound, that both of you love. You gather yourself and enter the living room. You feel guilty, it wasn't right for you to speak to her this way, or say those things. Your opinions should never get between you and your friends, no matter what they do. God, you would help them bury a body without a question, why would you be a bitch about the way they decide to go in their life. That's not your place to say so, and you see it now, after a mostly sleepless night. You need to set things right, you need to apologize. You need to-
“Is this one of your ADHD things, when you just stand in the middle of the room and have a full-on conversation with yourself?” Darcy's voice breaks you out of your reverie, and you look at her with shocked eyes. You get lost sometimes. I guess it was one of those moments. 
“Yeah… I haven't taken my meds yet. Sorry about that.” You hang your head down and move closer to the couch that is occupied by Darcy and at least 5 blankets. Why would anybody need 5 blankets on one couch? It's not even that cold. Yes, it's November, but still, it's pretty warm for this time of the year.
“You are doing it again.” This time she touches your shoulder to bring you out and ground you, in reality a little bit more.
“Shit, sorry.”
“It's okay, what's bothering you?” She knows what, of course, she knows. The whole argument happened not more than 7 hours ago. God, you don't deserve her. 
“Darcy…. About yesterday…” You start fidgeting with your hands. Clearly uncomfortable, you are being eaten up from the inside by guilt. The fuzzy blanket that you are sitting on provides comfort with its texture. 
“About yesterday… I…”
“I know.” And you know she does, but she needs to hear it. You turn to the side to look at her, taking her hand into yours. You two were never touchy with each other. This is the kind of friendship where you would rather die than hug your friend, but you still would die for her in seconds. The older you two got, the closer you were, and the relationship between you two is far more mature now, you both are. 
“Still, even if you do, it wasn't acceptable for me to say those things. I don't have the knowledge of how it looks from your side. I have my own issues, I shouldn’t put that on you or attack you because of them. It wasn't right, and it won't happen again. I'm not going to judge any of you and if I'm going to be confused about anything I'm just going to ask. I was ignorant, angry, tired and rude. Nothing excuses my behaviour. I'm sorry Darcy.” 
She shifts her position and gets really close to you. You feel her arms around your neck and her face hidden in the crook of your neck. She feels warm, like home or fireplace, like the fuzzy blanket under your palm providing you with comfort. It takes you a second, but you practically scoop her up in your arms, hiding her even more in your chest. You stay like that for a little while and once you start pulling away you feel her grabbing you tighter. You don't let go.
“I'm sorry too.” You want to interrupt her, tell her that there is nothing to apologize for, that you were in the wrong, but she speaks again. 
“I said some shitty stuff yesterday. I don't want to talk to you that way. Even if I was a little bit right.” you both laugh at it, and the world gets a little lighter. The heavy feeling on your shoulders, it's always there, it always lingers, but now you don't carry it by yourself. When you finally pull apart, both of your eyes are a little bit glassy, you both notice it, but nobody will say anything. 
“You need to repay me, though. For the things you said.” Of course. You know that she is just using the situation and that you are actually forgiven, but you play the game either way.
“You have one wish. Shoot.”
“And no saying no?”
“No saying no.” 
“I'm going to set you up on a date. And before you interrupt me…”  You were actually going to interrupt her. 
“You have to be there for at least 30 minutes, and then I'm not going to set you up with anyone ever again.”
“Deal.” She looks at you like you’re dumb. This kind of look that tells you she is not done. You take a dramatic breath in.
“What else…?” She smiles and as much as you will never admit it, you want her happy. 
“Today Carol is having a small party with clients, friends, and business partners. It’s Bridgerton themed. You are going to be there, and you are going to like it. And no, you don't have to be there from the start, I know how you feel about all these business conversations. The party starts around 6pm and is going to last till 11pm at least. After that it's just going to be us, Maria, Kate, Pepper, Carol, Natasha and Wanda.” Hearing the last two names pulls a reaction from you. It’s one of the most dramatic eye rolls you've ever done. Darcy is laughing at you at this point, and you can't help but join her. You are not happy about any of that, but at the same time, you owe it to her.
“Yes ma’am.” The blanket beneath your fingers becomes overwhelming, so you start playing with your rings. 
“Good girl, now go because you have classes in half an hour.” She cares, and that's one of the ways she shows you that she does.
“Also, don't worry about your regency outfit! I’ve already taken care of it.” Your best friend tells you, not moving from the couch, as you stand up to take care of breakfast. She really gets on your nerves sometimes, but to be honest, you didn't even think about the outfit. You are grateful, even if it’s her that put you in this situation.
“Actually, I’m not going to uni today.” That's shocking news for her, and you get why she is surprised. 
“I also called off my shift at the bar.” Well that's a double shock, and it's surprising that she can take it. She gets off the couch and walks up to you, checking your temperature.
“Are you sick? Wait, you’re not dying, are you?” You love that dramatic bitch. 
“No, actually, we need to call a family meeting today.” 
‘’Oh,’’ Darcy breathes, realizing that the situation is serious. Only a few times before the meeting was called, this was the day Carol was introduced to all of you, or when Maria finally came out. This is an emergency only situation, and you are pretty sure that this one is justified. 
“Wait, family meeting? Someone died?” Maria’s sleepy voice flows through the room. Her hair is messy. Her silk robe flows nicely around her body. You always admired her confidence, and she is surprisingly kind for such an attractive person. Her hair is freshly cut, shoulder-length is the most comfortable for her, at least that's what she always says when they get too long. You like that about her, the way she knows what she wants, when and how. Even more, you don't understand why she would give control to anyone else. 
“Nobody died. Kate’s home?” You say. 
“Yeah, she came back around 4am.” Darcy's answer is followed by a big yawn. All of you can use a break today, and a little bit more sleep. 
‘’Could you please wake Kate up?’’ You say, turning to Maria. 
‘’I’ll get started on pancakes in the meantime.’’
She moves from her spot by the door and hurries to Kate's room. It's not going to be easy, but the longer you are putting off the conversation, the harder it's going to get. 
Preparing breakfast takes you little to no time, everything always goes by fast when you have Darcy on your side. You two work in perfect harmony, managing to cook, set up the table and even squeeze fresh orange juice for all of you. The scent of sweet citrus filled the whole room, bright sunlight falls aggressively through ajar blinds. Crispy air hits you as you move to close the window, trying to get rid of the burned smell of the last failed pancake. You are still going to eat it, you hate wasting food. 
Darcy is on your right, sitting cross-legged on a high chair with a messy bun and an oversized sweater stolen from Carol. She looks peaceful and warm. Maria sits half naked in front of you. She is always really comfortable in her own skin and it shows. Long pyjama pants and a bra are her go to outfits in the morning. It suits her. When Kate comes out of her room, the first thing that you acknowledge is her wet hair, indicating she just had a shower and dark circles under her eyes. She moves smoothly closer to where you all wait for her and as she moves behind you, she stops in her tracks for a second to wrap her arms around your torso from behind. She hides her head in the crook of your neck, and all you can do is put your hand smoothly through her hair, hugging her closer with one arm. 
“I missed you.” She whispers just for you to hear, and you feel tiredness and pain of the past busy weeks in her voice. It fills you with love, care but also anger for not being able to change it for her, or rather respecting the peace she chooses to live her life on. She needs to learn, and you will be here to catch her if she falls. And that's exactly why family meetings are so needed. 
“I missed you too, hun.” Her smile makes you happy and breaks your heart at the same time. You have been in situations when someone was trying to open your eyes, and you were taking out anger and pain on the messenger. Honestly, there is nothing she could do to push you away, but you know some part of her will hate you after this. 
“So what's the family meeting about? It sounds serious, you even took a day off.” 
“Let's just eat for now. We're gonna talk later.” 
****
You wash the dishes after breakfast while girls talk with each other on the couch. They offered to clean, but you needed a second for yourself to muster up the courage to tell her the truth. Giving yourself time is needed, but also creates moments like this. Wet sponge in your right hand, plate in your left, and your phone laying heavy in your pocket with evidence. You feel it digging into your leg through the material, kind of like pushing you to stop procrastinating the inevitable, so you do. 
You sit down on an ottoman that matches the rest of the couch set and as you sigh heavily, all the attention is drawn to you. Nobody’s rushing you to open up, it's one of the many rules of the meetings. They all wait for you, ready to provide comfort at all times. You lock your eyes with Kate’s, and as you almost always keep your posture and face up, your eyes water up a little, but not enough for them to notice. 
“Go on y/n. Lay it on me.” She is the youngest of all of you, but sometimes she is more mature than all of you combined. 
“Valkyrie is cheating on you.” You can see in her eyes that she thinks it's a joke, another dumb idea of yours to separate the two of them because you don't think her girlfriend deserves her, so you continue. 
“I was at the bar, had my shift with Steve, she was there. There was a whole group of people, God, all of them drunk out of their minds. She came to me and told me that you’re not texting her back. She wasn't too nice about it.” You take a deep breath in and grab anything you have close to you to stop yourself from standing up and pacing around the room. The plastic scrunchie provides some stimulation, so you look at her again. 
“At some point, she started kissing some girl that was in that group. I don't even know if they know each other.” Kate just listens, not taking her eyes off of you. You notice her lips quivering a little, but it's so slight that you’ve almost missed it. 
“Shuri was there, she can vouch for this.” 
“Wait, you saw your ex!?” Darcy jumps in but back off as soon as she can catch herself going off-topic, that's not important right now and she knows it. 
“Show me.” Two words you hoped you wouldn't hear. Speaking about it is one thing, but seeing it with her own eyes will be different. As the last resort, you try to play dumb, pretending not to know what she means.
“This is far too important for you not to have the proof. Just show me y/n, I’m a big girl.” So you do. When you hand her the phone, it’s already opened in your gallery. It's the last thing you recorded. The video starts with Shuri drinking her martini and talking to you about something happening at her university. However, as soon as you zoom into the group, she falls silent. 
‘’Oh fuck,’’ The girls can hear Shuri swearing, combined with your heavy breathing through the speaker in your phone. The scene ends with Valkyrie standing up and dragging the girl behind her into the bathroom area and Shuri’s voice saying “y/n don't do it”. 
“What did you do?” Maria asks what everybody is wondering. You answer her question, but all you say is for Kate and only for her. 
“I didn't do anything. I ended my shift and went home.” She believes you, you are always honest with her, always. 
“I wanted to tell you right after, but this is not something to do over the phone. Maybe I should have just found you at your job, I'm sorry but-” She's interrupting your explanation with the softest voice she has.
“It's okay, I know you are more of a face to face person.” The scrunchie is long forgotten on the floor, and Kate's hands are secured strongly in yours. You caress her palm with your thumb, providing as much comfort through the touch as you can, but she leans back on the couch. You expected anger, sadness, a breakdown or denial, but not this. 
“I mean, she was awful either way, right?” Both Darcy and Maria jump in with copious nodding and approval of that statement. 
“I guess it's for the better, at least I have a good reason to end it now.” With that she…. smiles? Something is wrong, something is very wrong. 
For the next 5 minutes your roommates rumble about how awful Val is, how much better Kate will be without her and how happy they are that she feels that way. Kate jumps in from time to time, smiling and telling them how right they are, and that's when you can't take it anymore. You start laughing, and it takes everybody off guard, to be honest it takes you off guard too. You don't explain anything to anybody as you stand up, take your hurt friend by her hand, and announce that you will be back in a couple of hours for dinner. You are much stronger than Kate, so manhandling her a little into her room is easy. 
“Get dressed, put some training clothes on and take your wallet. I'm taking your car keys, and I'm waiting for you in the car park. Don't make me wait too long.”
“Y/n I’m fine! What are you even doing? I don't understand.” You hug her really close, face buried in your chest, her arms hanging loose on her sides not really knowing what to do with them, but even when she’s not reciprocating you don’t let her go. Your left hand goes all the way around her waist, grabbing her side, while the right hand keeps her head close to you. Your touch feels hungry for closeness with her, while you almost shield her whole body with yours. When you let go, you grab her face into your hands, look deeply into her glassy eyes and smile with the most honest love you ever felt to someone. This kind of love is different from anything else you ever had. You imagine that's the way your brother feels when he looks at you. At least he did when you were younger. 
“You’re not Kate. And it's okay.” You kiss her forehead and tell her once again to get ready before you disappear from her room. 
*** 
The ride to the location takes you around 25 minutes. The whole trip, Kate is trying to get you to tell her where you’re going or what this whole thing is about, but you keep your mouth shut, which makes her more irritated by the minute. It's good, you need her to be irritated, you need her to be mad, and soon enough everything will become clear to why. 
You arrive at a big open space with one building that's in poor condition. Vines have taken over its walls, invading cement and binding everything together with nature. It’s a truly beautiful view if you can just stop for a second and try to understand what's in front of you. It's far, it's quiet, and it's your safe space, one of just the few that you have. You get out of the car, still not answering Kate's questions. She makes it harder for herself and as much as you get why she is doing it, you wish she would stop. 
“What's that place? It looks like a squat.” She comments, and she sounds unnecessarily annoyed.
“This is a place where me and Shuri were meeting for most of the time. It's a safe place and a safe space.”
“Safe for what?”
“To be yourself.” 
Your answer takes her a little bit off guard, you can see by the appearing wrinkles on her forehead that she really thinks about what you just said, and hopefully she will find some truth for herself in your words. She follows you into the building, you take out a bundle of keys, which is definitely too big, you don't even remember what half of them are for, you are pretty sure that some of them were found around here, never finding out their purpose, but the one that you need right now is easy to find. The red band on top of it makes it easy to spot. The word ‘’sanctuary’’ is hand-painted onto the key, and it fills you with warmth and gratitude that your last relationship ended up on good terms. You really appreciate having Shuri in your life, her and her family were nothing but good people to you, and you are glad to reciprocate anytime you can. You open a heavy looking lock and enter the building with Kate on your heels. 
Inside it is really dark and scary looking, dust covers the floors, and various types of glass, wood and all kinds of materials can be found on the side of every wall. Used spray paint cans decorate one corner, making the whole place more alive because of their colours. They also create a nice contrast to the surrounding chaos. All cans are securely stacked in a pyramid shape. A skylight lights up the middle of the room in a theatrical way. You love this place to the bone. 
As Kate looks around with a little disgust on her face she tries to appreciate you getting her out of the house, you collect some things from the locker and close it with a metallic clang. 
“Here,” you say into her direction, getting closer to her with two jumpsuits in hand. She looks surprised, but gets the general idea of what you want from her. She is obliging even if she is not fully sure why you are both here, she’s too shaken up to put it all together. Putting on a brave face is one of her greatest strengths and weaknesses, but you know every little piece of her. At least most of them. 
You start undressing while Kate is half ready with her suit on, you were always impressed with her physique. She’s the one who motivated you to go to the gym, taking you with her a couple of times gave you the kick-start that you needed to go on your own, you are grateful for that, not sure that she is aware of it. As you take off your shirt, you don't notice Kate's eyes lingering on your body. You are muscular it's hard not to be after putting so much work in at the gym, her eyes are tracing the tattoos on your body, from your legs up. You’re  turned away from her, so she has a perfect view of your wide back. She isn’t sure why she’s staring, but it seems natural to do so, so she lets herself. As you turn around to face her, you zip up the suit to your waist, looking for a shirt you took with you. You don't want to ruin your nice clothes, that's why you asked Kate to pack something up herself as well. You look at her. She seems to be stuck for a moment, and her face is red.
“Are you okay?” You reach out to her, worried that she might be on the verge of crying because of her breakup, unaware that the reason for her state is completely different. Kate on the other hand is trying to understand what's happening to her. Nobody was ever as sweet to her as you, so protective and caring. Nobody held her like you do, nobody was interested in her in the way you are. In the beginning she was trying to figure out if that's your way of hitting on her, but after she got to know you a little bit she understood that it's just your nature. It didn't change the fact that she always feels special when you act protective over her or caring in any way. Late night texts telling her to get home safe, to remember about lunch, calling her love. Or just simply sitting down together and letting her talk while you listen. Just the way you let her be with you is enough to get some ideas in her head. She has been questioning for a long time now if she is attracted to you, but even if the answer is yes, your relationship has always been platonic, and she is aware of that. 
“Yes, yes I am. Dress up, or you're going to get sick.” She stops the topic before you can ask her more questions, not wanting to fall into a hot mess in front of you. 
After you both get dressed and leave your stuff secured in the locker, just in case, you take Kate's hand and tell her to follow you. Her palm is soft but cold to the touch, instinctively you start to rub her hand with your thumb to warm it up and comfort her a little, sensing her nervousness. She’s still playing with her hands, grabbing onto her jewellery and loose strands of fabric fraying off of the partially torn jumpsuit. Your touch seems to bring her a little bit more back into the present. You can hear her taking a big breath in when you soothe her hand, and it seems like her arms are starting to relax a little. 
You moved further into the building, which leaves you in front of a massive, heavy looking reinforced door. Something straight out of the teen wolf series. As you open them, you are both hit with too much sunlight coming out of the skylights. Your eyes take a second to adjust and get past the sting of it, Kate tries to blink the pain away too. As soon as her vision is clear, she gets what all of this is about, and she doesn't know how to feel about it. 
“Wha…what? Y/n I don't think it's necessary.” She comments as soon as she sees a table covered in lots of different kinds of mugs, plates, dishes, boxes and bottles. It's warmer here than anywhere else in the building, probably because of the sun coming through the windows. She understands now why the doors are so thick. She waits for your answer, but you leave her in silence. You move to the deep right corner of the room and grab two aluminium bats and two helmets secured in the covered box. Your weapon is strictly for looks, you are not going to participate in breaking today, this day is all about Kate and you need to focus on her. 
“Take it.” She shakes her head, refusing to do so. 
“Kate, take it, please.” She does see that you are being really serious about it. It feels heavy in her hands at first, but her muscle memory is trained on such a good level that it takes her just a minute to get used to the handle and balance of the bat. 
“I don't need it. I know you think I'm sad and heartbroken but I'm not, okay?  It's for the best and we both know it yn.” She pleads with you, it all seems really unnecessary for her. 
“Kate..” you come close to her and put  your free hand on her cheek. “ You are heartbroken, you are tired and you are sad, but most of all you are angry. I can see you holding your fist together every time someone mentions your mother.” Exactly the thing she does as soon as the words leave your mouth. “ I know that you feel betrayed by Val, it doesn't matter if you loved her or not. She abused you for so long, just as your mother. Dont hate me for it but I think you chose her for a reason.” She looks at you not believing your words, and takes a step back. Her eyes ask you what you mean by that and you know she felt a sting because of your assumption. You straighten out your posture and keep going, gambling your friendship in the name of her sanity. 
“You have been controlled since your father died.”
“Stop.” Her voice is low but the tone of it is threatening.
“Your mother uses you as her personal project, to be honest I'm not sure if she was ever a real mother to you.” You continue not letting yourself back up no matter what. She needs this.
“I said stop.” Her voice is louder letting emotions take over a little.
“ Were you saying stop when Val hit you? Or when she was pouring alcohol in your system so she could take advantage of you? You didn’t deserve any of this” She is crying at this point and it pains you to see.
“All those times I was picking you up from her apartment seeing a new bruise on you, all those times when you got hell from your mother or from your girlfriend because you had to choose one and there were no other options in your life. This is not love Kate, it never was.” 
“Nobody asked you to take care of me!!” She is screaming now and you decided to match her energy. 
“BUT I DID! I was cleaning the fucking cuts, i was holding the ice bags and i had to watch you being broken everyday! I had to restrain myself of fucking her up everyday because of your feeling towards her!” Kate never knew about this, so that information is shocking, her head unfortunately for both of you took a defensive state so everything you say is taken personal. !!!
“ If that was such a fucking issue for you you could’ve just told me! I would never ask you for help if I knew!’ The bat in her hand is flying around, she always uses her hands while speaking so it's normal, in this situation though it's a little dangerous. 
“It's not about me ! Its about you Kate, about people fucking you over and over again and you allowing them. It's about the fact that you are angry and you don't let yourself go!”
“I'M NOT ANGRY. I'M IN PAIN! AND THEY’VE PUT ME THERE” With that she delivers a first hit to the stack of plates. It's not in the center so plates end up falling from the table while  breaking a couple of them. It's hard to aim when your face is covered in tears. You grab her arm before she can do a second strike stopping her mid flight. She tries to get out of your hold pushing you away with her other arm but you are one step ahead and you let go of your bat to grab both of her hands. You take her into a strong embrace letting her totally break down in tears. She cries, and it sounds like something she loved, someone she loves has died, maybe a part of her. Her voice is broken and you can hear her asking why, while you drop with her to the floor not letting go for even a second. She is still fighting to get out of your arms but you know that she is not fighting with you. You put your hand on her head closing any space left between you and you try to calm her crying a bit.
“I got you Kate… I'm right here with you, I'm not leaving…. ever. You can let go… just let go, I'm holding you.” And she does. She lets go of all the pain she feels at the moment, lots of memories coming back to her in a big feeling of chaos. It is hard for her to focus on one feeling, one problem, one pain so she grabs on to you tighter trying to ground herself in your touch. She starts paying attention to your fingers tracing patterns on her back, on your breathing being slow and deep and she tries to match it the best she can with her own. She focuses on the vibrations she can feel on her head that are coming from you humming her favorite melody. She finds peace in it and after a little while she slowly lets go of you to take a deep breath in and look at your face. You smile at her with the most genuine smile that she ever saw. 
“Why are you so happy?” She is teasing you, you know she is.
“Because I'm proud of you Katie… so proud.” Your voice is low and soft, like the silence after the storm, like the moment when the rain stops falling abruptly after ripping the sky open with its force. 
You help her stand up and that's the exact moment that she sees blood on your face. Her breath hitches while she points at your cheek. You touch the place and realize that while she hit the plates one piece of them got stuck in your skin. You take it out with almost no force and wipe already dried blood off of you. 
“That's why we wear helmets.” You pick up the gear that was left on the floor, and help her put it safely on her head. After doing the same you hand her a bat and let her have an outlet for all of the forgotten feelings hidden inside of her for so long. Sounds are loud, rapid but so satisfying. Pieces of glass are landing on the walls, the floor and your clothing. At first she was shy with her hits, but you can see that she got more comfortable with the whole idea and actually put some work into it. You hold your cold bat in your left hand, it's only a prop, because today it's about Kate…. today is about Kate yn… You tell yourself trying to suppress any emotions you might have with this whole situation. Stacks of beer glasses seem to have your name written all over them. The bat you are holding gets a little bit heavier in your hand when you tighten your fist around it. Your veins become visible because of the pressure and your eyes are focused on the target, never looking away from it but holding yourself back as much as you can. Just when you start to feel yourself going into emotions, all of the glasses break in front of your eyes. A big hit delivered by Kate crashes them into pieces and powder, and with that she says that it's the last one that she needed. It brings you back out of your head and you nod at her, pointing to the door. 
After leaving the room you give some time for Kate to change into her clothes while you are sweeping the floor to make it nice and tidy, mainly safe. You put down all the equipment and as you move into the room with a locker you can hear Kate humming the same melody you were trying to calm her down with. It warms you from the inside, the fact that you understand her and she trusts you enough to show you the most raw parts of herself. While you change Kate decided to look around some other rooms in the building. Some of them are holding more stuff to break, some of them have camping equipment, making her acknowledge that you probably spend some nights here. As you catch up to her you see that she found one of the most important places for you. The biggest room in this whole building has two chairs in the middle of it and 5 plastic boxes on the right side of it. Chairs are facing one wall, a wall covered in graffiti, with big sentences written in the middle of it. You lean on the entrance while Kate is trying to take it all in. 
“What's that? Ver- Verba Vo…” “Verba Volant Scripta Manent. Spoken words fly away, written words remain.” You explain to her, trying to get her to understand what this place is about. “And what's all over that?” “All the reasons why me and Shuri were coming here. Tony Stark, Loki, work, even when I was arguing with you guys.” You laugh a little at the memory. “Even your mom.” You see her go closer to the wall as she eyes your mothers name written on the wall in the most chaotic way she ever saw. She puts her hand on the cold concrete and touches it lightly, collecting some dirt on her fingers by accident. She doesn't seem to care though. She turns with glossy eyes to look at you and a second later you are holding her in your arms. She is not angry anymore, but sad. Tears flow out while you hold her and allow her to feel all the emotions at once. She doesn't have to pretend with you, she never should. She lets you go and look at your face. Her cold hand lands on your cheek as she is trying to take care of you, leaving some of the dirt on your skin. It throws you off guard for a second because you didn't realize you were crying with her. As soon as you do you whip off the tears that escaped and hand her spray can from one of the plastic boxes.
“Write Katie, everything that's on your shoulders, write it out of you. It will stay here, and you will move on without it.” “Verba Volant Scripta Manent.” She repeats your mantra butchering latin pronunciation, making you laugh. 
“Exactly.” You give her a nod and encourage her to start letting go of all the things that are in her heart. She is a little shy at first but gets a hold of it really quickly. She writes dates, names, words like work, comfort, cheating, fear. With each word she seems to be lighter and you enjoy the view. Carefully she writes everything down avoiding your drawing, your motto, which you really appreciate. As she finishes her work she takes a couple of steps back and enjoys the art of it. You join her, kiss the top of her head and take out of the box the last can, red one to put one last statement. She watches you really carefully as you go to her part of the wall and above everything she has written, you spray a big red word, saying “Rebirth”. As you turn around, a little bit dirty and tired, you feel happiness filling you in as she is smiling at you, in a way you haven't seen in a long time. 
After closing up everything and making sure that the whole place is secured and tidy you make your way to the car. Kate is surprised to see an emotional hangover setup at the back of her car. Bottle of water, her favorite snack and tissues waiting for her, set down with love and care. It always amazes her how you can think in the future. There were countless situations in both your lifes when something unusual, tragic or just really out of nowhere came up and you are always ready for it. At least you seem to be. You are not talking much to each other while going back, no words needed between both of you. Kate can sense that it took a hold on you too so she provides comfort by playing with your hair on the back of your neck while you drive. 
“I texted her.” Kates breaks the silence for a second, her voice barely above whisper. 
“What did you say?” 
“I broke up with her, I officially ended it, and I blocked her.” You put your hand on hers, letting her know you are right next to her. She expected you to be happy but you were always better for her then she anticipated.
“And how do you feel about it?” You ask tenderly. 
“It hurts… I know she wasn't good, she never was, but she meant a lot and it… it just hurts.” You nod your head waiting for her to continue, giving all the space she might need. 
“ But it's going to heal, and as much as it pains me I also feel lighter. I need it. Thank you yn, for everything.” She interviews her fingers with yours and allows silence to take over, leaving you both in each other's comfort. 
Next chapter
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sylviathegreatest · 10 days
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y'all remember that discord rp animatic abt ink and error. guess who worked on it some more ya so a lot's happened! the animatic actually leaves off really early in the rp- a lot of stuff has been happening, its just that a lot less of it is error and ink related lol the story goes as follows: (providing timestamps so u guys know what im talking abt) 0:00 ink and error (alongside many others) are trapped in this safehouse(the multiverse outside it is collapsing) which. as the name depicts. keeps them safe the safehouse has a dome surrounding it that's miles thick with concrete, metal, all that 0:13 error REALLY does not like being trapped here, so he tried breaking through the walls with his blasters 0:26 ink attempts to convince him not to (as it is against the rules to break the walls) but error doesn't listen. they have a big fight and error ends up breaking the dome's outer layer- which is what essentially lights up the entire place, and gives the illusion they're on earth. 0:51 he, alongside ink, are sent to a dungeon as punishment. (they end up making a friend there) and they use the owner of the dome's aunt to bribe him into letting everyone out. 1:17 error and the owner end up having a private discussion, in which error realizes the owner- the guy he DESPISED, was exactly like him. they both killed multiverses. they both killed people for fun. 1:22 he ends up having a fight with his own morals, before deciding he'd change for the better. 1:29 error frees the owner's aunt in exchange for the freedom of the people locked in the dungeon with him. 1:42 while he's walking out of the dungeon, he apologizes to ink for everything he's done 1:45 error walks back to his room and cries. 1:48 ink ends up pushing a chocolate bar with a note on it through the crook at the bottom of error's door the note says he forgives him. error cries again because of it. 1:51 ink and error end up hugging
thats where the story left off previously, buuuuuut its continued :3 1:52 eventually, ink realizes that he's run out of his lil emotion vials due to the corruption of the multiverse, which is an issue ! 1:59 due to ink's rapidly decaying health, error decides to give up half of his soul to save the guy from going kaput! this causes issuesss 2:04 nightmare- who had come to the safehouse, decides to mess with error's mind. he convinces him to get back into his old habits, under the pretense that he's weak and pathetic otherwise. error believes this. (also nightmare was redesigned by a friend of mine- her name is al! she doesnt have tumblr i dont believe though so raghh i cant ping her) 2:17 in what can only be described as a mental breakdown, error attempts to take back the half of his soul he gave to ink 2:30 error hesitates- he doesn't truly want to hurt ink, though he's not too sure why. 2:36 (its not on screen cus i couldn't fit it) error decides to capture and attempt to kill pj and gradient (who are here too!) instead, but this backfires as ink was no longer captured. ink knocks him out with his brush. WAGHH so much word vomit ! this rp is so much fun though i didnt mention it in the other post but i figure id mention it here; this rp is hosted by my good friend @interncontinental! i really suggest you check his work out, he makes amazing artwork and is super creative with worldbuilding and character creation :3
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eulchu · 1 year
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ok guys. let's have a real talk. let's ALL have a real talk and i don't mean just me and my anons . i hope this reaches all of our community even if you think i fucking suck.
fucking october didn't ruin us but i am so worried that this dumb tension just might. this is getting so ridiculous and out of hand -i barely understand what's going on myself. so im gonna need everyone to work together and do a collective reflection exercise.
i am gonna write out a series of points that i need u guys to think about before proceeding in this community:
- active blogs. you're burnt out. you're burnt out and you're so tired of trying to keep this community running that you're denying yourself a moment to feel your own frustrations as your own individual person. i get that . i get being under so much pressure that you can't catch yourself some slack, least you spiral out of control <- this is, however, really damn unhealthy 😭 it's ok to let yourself feel some disappointment!! some anger!! that's fine. it's up to you, however, what you do with it. this brings us to our next point.
- we NEED to acknowledge this if we wanna get better. ifl it's taboo and we're pushing the narrative so hard we're not giving ourselves enough space to breathe. it. is. okay. to. feel. disappointed. over. the. lack. of. dteam. content. i am the first person to shut down any self entilted prick who thinks they can expect something out of them. because they DON'T owe us anything. but truth is we are humans and, accordingly so, feel in consequence of our own expectations. i wanna break this part down in a few points:
it is OKAY to acknowledge that we are disappointed. denying one self's feelings never ended up ok for anyone. it is okay to acknowledge that we are not getting the content we were hoping for.
it is NOT okay to blame the dteam for it. this is where it gets tricky. the dteam are in charge of what type of content they put out. it will never be in our hands. at that point, if you don't like what they're doing. leave. i'm sorry. it's harsh. i'm not trying to be mean about it. i'd understand if you left! it's ok!
- before you leave, though, i want to ask you a question. why do dislike what they're doing so much? seriously, ask yourself that question. is the content that bad, in your eyes? if the answer is yes, i can't help you there. you've grown out of their content. there's no way around it.
- but is it actually bad, or is it just Not What You Expected? In which case, let's talk. Let's put things bluntly:
the dteam have waited years to be together. correct
upon living together, we have discovered that they are not very good at providing content because they put their friendship above content. i'm not sure if anyone had that in their bingo cards - but it's what happened. autumn was really rough on them & they've learnt to exist together off camera. me personally, i think it's sweet.
dteam and traveling: a fall out? :o . no. jesus christ 😭 the fact that this is the new narrative nauseates me. i don't think anyone in their right mind thinks that dteam are less close than they were when they were living apart.
Bringing back our initial point, the failure to meet our expectations can be mentally challenging. it will inevitably make us second guess a lot of associated ideas that we thought were true . if one of our expectations fails to be met, that's a fail in our mental plan. if we were wrong about this, who's to say we are right about anything else?
i'm not sure if there's some sort of denial of feelings here or if people are trying really hard not to think about this possibility because it makes them scared. i am inviting you to take a moment to really think about it and feel the initial dread of the question. it will pass fairly quickly.
the truth is that the dteam is FINE. they're fine, they share a house, they film videos together, and they go on these long ass hiatus when they're together because they would much rather spend uncesored time off-line.
my favorite point: for how parasocial we are, we don't give them nearly enough credit. the dteam are adult men. we have to put faith in their decisions. only they know what they're doing. they know what's best for them. we certainly don't.
- i wanna rescue this last point. their decisions are THEIRS. if we don't put trust in what they're doing, we're already failing the game. that means who they hang out with too. i get not liking someone ok? i get it. i don't like a lot of people either. no one is pointing a gun to any of their heads. if you think that any of them is doing something that you don't see fit you have problems and you need to grow up. it is not our place to dictate their lives and it will never be. that goes for the white-knighting too.
⚠️(this is a completely hypothetical scenario)⚠️
the truth is if tomorrow george decides to go back to the uk, for whatever reason. we would all have to fucking shut it. fan disappointment? yes. acting like george is an awful person for betraying his best friends? you're out of your fucking mind.
dream george and sapnap are grown up people with a strong friendship and communication skills. if you think that george would take the unilateral decision and not tell anyone until the day before you need to seek help. whatever decision the dteam take about their lives it's THEIRS and you need to put some fawking faith in what they're doing. they know what's up.
that goes for the fucking karl problem too okay? i don't like it either. whatever. it's not my place though?? dream isn't a baby who's been abandoned he's a grown ass man who knows what he's doing and if he still considers (if they ALL do) karl his friend that's his decision. if he thinks that karl's friendship management is fine that's his decision. we are not dream's friends nor his fucking therapist.
- the thing about dooming and content. the multishippers: is the dteam all there really is? i firmly believe that we all kove the dteam outside of each other. (mostly tackled in this post)
- dnf and the fandom. jesus christ i can't believe i have to make a point about this. i think it's important to remember that at the end of the day. it's just Not That Serious. it was never meant to be that serious. bringing back the "they're their own people" point, what the Fuck do some people think they're doing 🧍‍♂️
dnf know what they're doing they know the nature of their relationship better than we ever will. if they're just friends it's because they chose to if they . in the biggest plot of the century . come out of this with a s/o it doesn't mean they're cheating on each other, that dream/george was leading anyone on or that they're hurting each other???? are you CRAZY 😭 if they're dating they're dating if they're not they're fucking not but they're. not gonna be sad about it??? they're adult people in an adult relationship they know what tf they're doing. they hold each other's hearts impossibility close to themselves. there's nothing they would ever do that could hurt each other.
to wrap things up: after this reddit worthy post (congrats if you've made it to the end) i have something very important to ask of you guys.
i know it might be unfair but can we all compromise on detoxxing. completely. for like, a week. not posting neg at ALL. we can't enable doomers we can't enable bait anons. neg is only good for one thing: make anxious people paranoid as fuck.
so can we. for like a week. just not post anything /neg at all. can we block the worst of it. the unnecessary dooming. and not acknowledge at ALL. i get it's a huge mental toll on the active blogs - reading so much negativity SUCKS but i do believe that it's a better option than responding and enabling more people to send similar asks.
me personally, i am already saying it here: any dooming will get blocked in my askbox. i won't hate you for it. but this IS a warning that you need to get your shit together if you ever wanna have a chance at speaking in my askbox ever again.
um congrats if you read everything?😭 PLEAAAASE let's all make this place a better place again i know we can do it
U CAN ADD TO THIS POST IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY BTW !!!
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alivingtypo · 14 days
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I take notes when i watch new episodes so may i introduce my completely sane and succinct thoughts while watching 7x09
911 7x09 ashes, ashes 
wheel of fortune is fun 
Starting ahhhh the medal ceremony
Buck sitting between Tommy and Eddie is insane
I’m so proud of them omg 
Bobby’s proud face
Bobby MEDAL OF VALOUR
oh no Bobby 
Oh no Bobby 
Chim and maddie are so sweet
RAVI MY BOY
Tommy and buck are cute tho 
Oh fuck 
Gerard 
Homophobic cunt 
I love when Maddie interacts with others
Bobby freaking out ahh
Oh no the mayor or whatever councilwoman 
Oh my god I’m going to lose it if she fucks with the Wilson family I’m gonna lose it 
Oh my god talk you out of something RESIGNATION FUCK I WAS RIGHT 
BOBBY RETIRING 
IM FREAKING OUT 
WHO IS GOING TO REPLACE HIM 
if they split up the 118 I’m gonna throw up 
For fucks sake Eddie
A rowboat with your dead wife’s doppelgänger
WHAT WHY YOU SEEM SO FAMILIAR
this is wild 
Eddie pull yourself together she is not your wife or your girlfriend (or your husband) 
She’s really digging right to the core of him 
Amir is back 
Athena stop breaking the law 
Athena and Amir friendship feels right 
Is Bobby gonna kill himself bc I can’t handle that 
Bobby I’m going to cry 
He’s looking at his family 
Why is the music making this so much worse
His last call with the team maybe 
Bobby calling her Mother hen then looking at buck and Eddie 
He’s dading Ravi I’m gonna cry 
He’s having a dad moment with everyone one last time 
“What are you making” Not me you” “you’re the chef tonight”
Buck being the new 118 chef I’m gonna throw up
Bobby stop it 
Buck loved Bobby’s approval 
I’m crying 
Buck is so cute god
Father son moment I’m gonna throw up 
“Here’s to seven more” 
DAD SON DATING TALK MOMENT 
IM GONNA THROW UP 
OH NO 
KIM BUCK IS SEEING KIM
BUCK WATCH OUT 
HES LIKE FUCK 
WHO DID YOU SAY YOU WERE
Would you mind giving these to him for me. Bucks gonna go to Eddie’s and it’s gonna end bad 
DIAZ HOUSE 
HES LIKE WHY IS BUCK HERE 
BACK DOOR LMAO
MIRRORING THE SHANNON AT THE FIREHOUSE SCENE FUCK
EDDIE PLS BE SO FUCKING FOR REAL
they’re gonna argue aren’t they
It’s not like we’re having an affair GURL BE REAL RN 
I’m worried about you SAME 
The Wilson’s and Hans are so sweet
I’m gonna cry I love them 
Oh no fucking councilwoman is meddling isn’t she
We’re halfway through and I’m shaking 
Kim is shocked at least he told her I guess 
But I’m not her (pls let this be the end of it) 
Ok at lease he’s apologising 
Pls tell her you have a girlfriend
I want Marisol to walk in 
Eddie pls go to therapy
I think she was (the love of my life) girl rose coloured glasses 
Unfinished business
Omg he’s gonna say everything to her for closure (and then Marisol can walk in) 
Amir at the grant Nash house
I’m sweating 
Amir and councilwoman team up would end the world
Amir getting very angry Bobby is gonna lose it 
Oh no Bobby and Athena fight 
Getting your affairs in order oh my god no 
Bobby therapy pls 
Bobby baby 
Bobby and Athena are so sweet together
Pls communicate losers
Councilwoman I’m gonna fight you 
If councilwoman swoops in and takes Mara I’m gonna throw up 
She’s gonna ruin everything I’m gonna throw up
This is so fucked up
I’m gonna throw up
This is so fucked 
I’m gonna fight the councilwoman
Eddie oh god is that Marisol 
WHAT THE FUCK 
SHES DRESSED UO AS SHANNON WHAT 
OK SO MAYBE FOR CLOSURE BUT THIS IS FUCKED 
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE
he’s going for it 
Ok this is fucked but also kinda sweet
If they end up in bed I’m suing 
Go to therapy 
This is fucked 
I want Marisol to walk in 
YESSS 
CHRIS NO 
Bobby’s fucking house 
Pls 
Why is his dad in the kitchen ok dream ok 
Bobby mental break 
NOT THE BOOK 
ALL THE PEIPLE YOU DIDNT SAVE
YOU WERE A CHILD 
do you smell that
Fuck the poor house 
Not the garden that’s where the family all get together 
Athena oh no
Oh no oh no 
It’s gonna end on this isn’t it 
Oh my god 
Why isn’t Athena waking up
Oh my god 
The poor house 
NOOO NOT A HEART ATTSCK
HIS HEART STOPPED FUCK OFF
NO IF THEY KILL BOBBY IM DEAD 
THATS A CRUEL ENDING 
TRAILER 
Athena waking up and no Bobby
On a ventilator 
THIS IS FUCKED
so yeah i obviously have a very very clear mind while watching my weewoo show
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hero-next-door · 2 months
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Defending Nathan Prescott
(From Every Accusation)
All fact proven & common sense theory
No bullshit.
I suck at grammar. Deal with it.
I've replayed the game far too many times to gather this. I read into everything and even read into and WATCHED people who have suffered the same mental illness and situations Nathan has been in.
What I'll be covering:
Illness, rib breaking, dead animals, bdsm, Chloes pic, Rachel, gun on campus, Kate, Pompidou, Jefferson, wealth and his father.
And dont even THINK about skiping ahead!
Everything here is tied into one another. Read from start to finish. You're on this post to understand right? Or to argue? Im not here to argue so, bye.
Lets start from the top...
Nathans downfall was caused by society and all who failed him. He's driven by hatred of others who don't understand him and the game purposly wrote him off that way. They want players to hate him from what sides of the stories we've experienced. They gave this character controversial hobbies and a cynical bully attitude to really keep you suspecting him and not guessing Jefferson. The game isn't about Nathan. Its about Max. We learn so much about Max and everyone close to her. The tears they shed, the pains they've endorsed. Same with Chloe and Rachel's story. My heart goes out to all of them. We don't get to see that with other characters, therefore we don't care for them...or that's the games intentions. We don't know the ins and outs of Nathan. Only what the game shows us which are all negative. So of course disliking Nathan is only reasonable.
Mental Illness
We start with mental illness. He has Psychosis. Lots of proof, but i'm assuming you've seen it all already. Do people know what Psychosis is? Like do they REALLY know what it is? Because this ALONE changes everything. And not Psychopathy ..Psychosis. Two different things pookie. Psychopathy is the one where part of the brain is missing or disturbed. THEY'RE the ones that don't have empathy. Psychosis is different. Anybody can get it. This illness can take your empathy and awarness away then bring it all back after the harm is done, leaving you to process that. Schizo and Bipolar are also all quite a handful to deal with too. Loud Noises/downgrading voices in your head SO LOUD that people will do anything to calm them. (Dont be shy, youtube: "28- Psychotic Episode" by Collège d'Alma) The feeling of loosing your mind is something I notice a lot of haters dont empathize on especially if they killed or hurt sombody. The brain slips into a state so disconnected that interviews with recovering patients I've seen describe it as confusing and scary and dont recall saying the stories they told and actions they did others. Imagine not being able to remember the hurtful things you've said and done. Imagine being told you killed sombody...with your own hands? And you can hardly remember what happened. Like... how would you react? Think about it. Anybody can get psychosis with enough trauma or a kick in the noggin. Some people that were interviewed that had psychosis said that they found relief when getting high or drunk. Little did they know the symptoms could bounce back up to 5x during withdraw. But they were so desperate to get rid of the voices they abused the drugs. Like....wow the game really did their research to create such a complicated character. Anyway..moving on.
Now lets break down everything else...
Shooting Chloe
Just rewatch it. Aims gun, Chloe pushes him, it tightens grip, ACCIDENTLY shoots her, immediately drops gun and gets really scared of he's done, checking to see if shes alive! If you specifically rewatch the ending of Lis1 when Chloe gets shot, they extend his reaction. He goes back and forth checking her body. If he wanted to kill her, you check pulse then run. Not sticking around crying about it. There's your empathy you're all saying he doesnt have. Other times where he could have showed more empathy ties with his Psychosis. Some people with the illness said that the voices loudly in their head will convince them that everyone around you is your enemy. Everyone is after you. It can twist your brain to feel anger and fear towards others. Nathan is always hung up on how everyone is using him and trying to control him. Which people ..DO use him. So now hes convinced that everyone is. He's not choosing to feel this way. He just needs psychiatric help.
Breaking Ribs
In Before The Storm his entire demeanor is completely different than the Lis 1. He's more cowardly and not loud and aggressive. We'll be mentioning his creepy "pervy" binder, later. Nathan isn't violent until the end IF you let Nathan get bullied and push his life the negative direction. Sure its not Chloe's responsibility but this is the game's way of showing you his downfall. We need to remember the game hides scenes and expect you to make up what happened behind the scenes. He broke Samantha's ribs over ..what? Shes always so desperate to defend Nathan and even gets upset with Chloe when she doesn't help. So if you tell her the wrong option to pressure kindness into Nathan it results in him breaking ribs. How though? Haters immediately hop on and say cause hes a mean and abusive non-empathic nut head. You sure he didnt just push her away and her clumsiness just fell over? This took place after the play...so he possibly...pushed her off... 😰 She did say she was clumsy. You don't think she wouldnt have tried to hug or touch him in anyway. Ok ok...calm down... lets take a step back.. You get this "breaking ribs" ending from letting Nathan get bullied and embarrass himself during the play that his father pressured him about! Adding a little "..fuck you.." to the audience. Showing his start to his villian career and the start of him hating everyone and you tell Samantha to go hug him!? This is the start of his mental spiral if you let things play out this way. But hurting her with intention? No. Lets tie this in with the other endings to their relationship. You get the clumsy ending. She hurts herself differently and Nathan is with her in the hospital. Saying how he feels bad that she got hurt. (empathy bell) And they continue yo talk about her photo or whatever. Tie this with the rib one, tie this with the Chloe getting shot incident and tie this with his mental illness. Come on do i gotta spell it out for you.. Hurting someone is not what he attends to do. Like he quotes in his voice mail. (Speaking of that voice mail, empathy bell.) He does get angry at Samantha and hurts her and we as players dont know the full story. But what was playing in his head seconds before and the entirety of the game that lead up to this IS the reason why he accidentally hurts her. His anger from the entire game waa built up and unfortunately released on her. Whatever happened, breaking her ribs was not on his todo list! And then we have.. The good ending. Him sitting beside her smiling. Oh wait! Hes a little psycho with no human emotion? Psychosis has all parts of the brain attached, pookie. For most cases, It can be cured and helped. I can get it, YOU can get it. He has human emotions when he is at his very rare peaceful moments like with this good ending, when with Victoria ig and other scenes we tend to forget. Because painting him as the villian was the games goal. Jefferson was the plot twist.
Daddy Issues, Smug talk and a Gun on campus
Simple guys. Simple. You represent this school. You represent our name. This is a legacy. You will not embarrass me. This isn't about you or your problems!
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Sure YOU wouldn't crumble under that pressure but Nathan sure did. Sure child abuse isn't an excuse to "kill" people. But is it the child's fault? Sean-beanbag prescott should be arrested for not taking his boy to the asylum. Instead he argues with a doctor!? Goofy bro. But so many people are fueled with anger towards Nathan Instead. Its whatever. Prescott literally being his name was already a red flag to other characters and chose to hate and bully him over it. Drew hated for what his FATHER did. Nathan did ..what again? Notice how that "rich Malfoy talk" wasnt really present in Before The Storm. Sure he tried to burn Drew with a family financial situation insult but the "Im rich, my father owns everything, I got a lawyer, money this and that" wasn't in his character in the Before the Storm. I believe being a prescott wasn't really in his future goals and he wasnt ever really passionate about it. Its all in the annoyance in his tone with his father before the play. Lis1 he uses it so oftenly to show that hes the boss and in control. Hes Influenced by representation for his family/school, wealth, intimidation, and of course hatred and believing everyone hates him. In his mind everyone is against him, after him and wanting to use him. Again, he doesn't choose to think this way. Let me explain my last sentence clearly though. Imagine being surrounded by a ton of people. All their attention is on you. They hate who you are. They talk about you. You have a defensless stomach sinking feeling and scared because all these people surrounding you, are looking at you and all your insecurities and laughing at you. Well..obviously some of that is not going on in reality. But to Nathan, that IS his reality and he has no control over it. Anyways I shouldn't have to keep explaining mental illness and how it stresses the brain. Bottom line is, His status and waving a gun around is what he thinks keep others out of his head. He can barley throw a punch. He had to use his head on warren and did you catch when Max hit him in that scene? Dude was literally holding onto his face like he'd been battered. Like she did NOT hit that hard lmao. He's weak. He's always been the same tiny Nathan from before the storm. Just now he uses masks for intimidation to stop his bullies and anyone he thinks is "after him." He never meant to use a gun on anybody, just a threat. During the second scene where warren reunited a head butt with Nathan.. If you pull off warren, he barley even aims the gun when he ran away towards his room. Cowardly. He feels that he has to, to protect himself. He also uses his father as a threat, but clearly that never worked. Also notice him crying when you let Warren get crazy on him? Dudes apologizing and sobing? Guess thats not his first rodeo, rip.
BDSM and Dead Animals
Ok..so hes a little frisky. Y'all need to remember this is a fictional game first, okay? Lol Anyway, I can't defend him much here but I got something. Firstly, the game WANTS you to suspect Nathan. Can't keep his room pretty and pink, they have to make it freaky and spooky. They paint Nathan as the villian for you to only focus on him as a suspect. So that everyones jaws are dropped with Jefferson twirls in.
Well start with the dead animals so you can skip the BDSM part if you want.
There is no proof he hurt animals. Thats not really like him. He does have a list of illness but Psychopathy isn't one of them. Y'all can keep yappin but its not. Clearly NOT one of them. He could have hurt an animal during an unaware episode, but there will not be any awareness behind it. Anyways, there are plenty of artists that do the same thing. Nathan is very passionate about photography and protraying solitary but not in the same way Jefferson does. Jefferson certainly uses that manipulation but we'll get to that later. There are artists that like to shine on death in positive light and in sorrow. There's also beauty in anatomy. Not my cup of tea but someone close to me can name me all kinds of gross organs and would be down to disect any animal. Yuck. But to them.. its fascinating and they are the greatest person in my life. In love and in empathy. (NOT comparing my pookie to Nathan, PAUSE.) In anatomy theres Education and surprise. Death is also a theme and style too. Skulls and gore, super "rad" fukin "knarly."
BDSM Skip to next part if needed
Finally...defending BDSM? This can bring trauma to those who have experienced it negativly or view it negativly. So skip to the Frank defense or read more if you want.
Bdsm relationships are very controversial. Some people see it as unhealthy, abusive and sick. But if you have talked to or listened to other people within these relationships they state that its completely consensual, safe, harmless, a breach of deep trust with their partners and simply a fetish or kink. The goal is to have fun at your limit..not pass the limit. There are twisted people who have broke that barrier and made it not fun and abusive. Thats were I can't argue. If you feel that way towards the topic, I completly empathize with you.
Nathan has shown in his other photos a black and white theme of solitary. And you can tell that he might have took those bdsm photos himself. As the quality is almost like the Pompidou photo. Everyone blends him taking bdsm photos with is angry behavior and "non empathic" demeanor. But this is where I loop back to Before The Storm hugging-my-binder Nathan. Its shown that in one of his endings he took photos of Samantha. Obviously NOT bdsm photos, his binder was a school project. But Samantha obviously consented and Nathan was passionate enough to show her. He sees them as art. Naked girls have been models for sculptures and paintings. Its beauty. Thats IF she was naked in some way in those photos. Which I still doubt. School project. Im sure the photos were gentle and strange and misunderstood and Drew was just in his bully era. His reaction would have been a lot more eye opening if he had a face full of tits or straps. Nathan begged for his binder back and even nervously reacted showing he had love for his work and 'took time with it' (as he quotes when Drew throws it). I bring this up here to show that the women in his photos were indeed given consent and if hes passionate about depicting his art, hurting them wouldn't be on his agenda. As we all learned today that hurting people was never his intentions, until drugs and illness met with pressure and intimidation clouds his brain.
I read up on other artists that painted things similar. In their paintings they expressed dread, vulnerability, feeling traped and ..feeling used. If Nathan did find the images he took arousing, then why would he hang them up like everything else in his room like art? I believe that they're depicted in an artful way and in its black and white shading brings a sad darkness. If its anything like the painters I mentioned, maybe Nathan has a deep level of empathy we don't understand.
Frank and Pompidou
I didn't even know he took a picture of Franks hurt dog in the road because you little freaks threw his treat in the street!? This will also tie in to chloes pic but we'll get to that. Frank first, as its pretty simple. Nathan runs some system with frank. And its pretty obvious its the same thing Drew was doing in Before the storm. Nathan clearly doesn't like it as he finds it controling but getting his hands on drugs is a great way to forget his flaws and calm his illness symptoms. Which only created a loop of his symptoms worsening, as talked about before. His illness is very active towards the end of Before the Storm. You can tell by his huge character difference that drugs only made it worse.
Pompidou is a good dog but just remember he's not the one who hurt him. This ties in with what we explained in the dead animal phase. The Imagine is black and white. Its a strange art most people don't understand. Man, I don't even understand it. But these people aren't heartless and they're simply expressing pain. Or..he took it for the same reason he took Chloes pic. To feel that hes in control, thinking this will help his mental reality of thinking everyone can use him, as explained earlier. But i doubt it. One is in color and Pompidou is not. One is misguided and one is "art."
Jefferson, Rachel, Kate, Chloes pic
If i see one more person throw him in the same trash bin as Jefferson im going to puke. Anyway I've twisted my head around this story so many times, begging to see the bigger picture. No pun attended. Jefferson was pulling the strings all along ..you know that right? If Nathan was never there, Jefferson would have still done his disgusting projects. He certainly brought Victoria over without Nathan's usage. He didn't need Nathan, Nathan just made it easier cause he can easily be manipulated. Making Nathan do it all so the consequences will fall on him. Jefferson is smart and knows the right words to say. Nathan is missing the kindness of a father figure, all he has to do is play with his feelings. Nathan falls too easily to kindness. He felt the kindness of Samantha during the good ending and He felt the kindness from Victoria..but Victoria toxic bully nature wasn't helping. Bottom line is Jefferson easily manipulated him and understood his mental reality and used that against him. Adding thoughts into Nathans head. Jefferson learned to use Nathan's illness to his advantage. Nathan trusted Jefferson as did everyone in that school did. Why on earth would Jefferson wrong him? He looked up to him so when Jefferson slowly brought him into his plans of drugging girls, Nathan thought that it was all ..moral. In reality you and I know obviously thats not okay but to Nathan (and his severe illness) he trusted Jefferson was doing no wrong. We don't understand the mental strain he was under, manipulation goes a long way. Heres how he did it. He probaby said things like 'We are the same Nathan, this is art just like yours.' It starts small, Nathan gets him the drugs. Then he pulls him in, Nathan start drugging the girls for me. Start driving them here. Start helping me inside the dark room. Start helping me inject my victims. Jefferson had so much power over him. He was connected with his father. He can threaten his grade, his representation and his future in art. He knew all the right things to say and do. He knew how his head worked. Clog him up with drugs, keep him quiet. Heal his missing father needs and demand him for your needs. Does this not make Nathan a victim too?
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Then ...the Rachel incident happened. Nathan was NOT mentally aware of what he's done. The excited "Rachel!" when he saw Max at the diner clearly shows that he truly expected her to pull up. This mixes with the symptoms we've discussed. He only remembers bits and pieces as obviously it was beyond traumatizing. Sending him in an insane spiral and the infamous psychosis drawing. (Don't be afraid, google psychosis drawings. Damn. Just imagine you recovered from psychosis and laying eyes on that and not remembering you drew that..ugh...I'd cry.) Someone with Psychopathy wouldnt feel traumatized from such events, debunking the fact everyone thinks Nathan has Psychopathy. He doesn't have Psychopathy, he has psychosis. Moving on. Jefferson was certainly angry with him and drugged Nathan himself after the incident which really helped Nathan to forget what he's done. But Jefferson's anger and not talking to him tore him apart. His emotional attachment clearly wasn't having it. The note he wrote Jefferson in desperate attempt to bring him back after ruining Jefferson plans goes to show just how much he wants that sense of being cared for. If only it was someone else that wasnt Jefferson ..or his dad can do is fucking job too.
Alcohol was certainly a great method of forgetting what he did. So then comes Chloes interaction with him. We know the story. He did not SA her, I can say that right here and now. Nothing like that was behind this. You can tell by the way Chloe presented the story to Max, there wasn't an uncomfortable tone to her story. She didn't seem traumatized but more shocked and "it was pretty crazy." She also wasn't drugged for that long, she woke up very soon, fully clothed. What obviously happened is that Nathan used this to feel in control like mentioned way above. Drugs and Psychosis is no joke. Who knows what hell is playing in his mind but I unfortunately believe that this was to try to win back Jefferson. He had been angry at him and ignoring him and even tho he hates drugging, his confusion and drunk state led him to this. He's cowardly and his mind is slipping and tries to do what he thinks is right for him. He's misguided and lead down the wrong path.
Nathan did not SA Kate! Kate story breaks my heart into a million pieces but if she was SA-ed, it wasn't Nathan. After everything I said above you can tell that, that isnt in his character. But here I want bring up the voicemail. Nathan claims multiple times that he never wanted to hurt anybody, implying that he felt forced to do harm. Something he DID NOT want to do. Why on earth would anybody have felt forced to SA somebody!? I'm not saying Kate WASN'T SA-ed as I can only assume maybe the boys she was shown with in the video did something or Jefferson. Victoria was Kates bully!!! Nathan wanted to be liked by Victoria and was influenced by her nature. He's desperate for attention and kindness. Victoria did far more to hurt Kate and her reason as to why was shit. You go THAT FAR to one up your photography game. Girl, bye. She spread that video and she still has empathy too? Her regretting everything? Did she reallyy regret? Or she wanted to make herself look good for her representation? She showed regret via text message in Before The Storm too? She doesn't have a mental illness but the game gave her an act of forgiveness and used her as a victim so the audience will sympathize with her. Goes to show you the game controls what they want you to feel. If they were to do that with Nathan..would opinons be different? Taking us into his mind and how he sees the world around him. They could have..but didnt. Well.. We have the voicemail but obviously that didnt stop the haters. It's unfortunate. But the game gave me just enough little clues for me to shine light on in this post. They put so much into his character but never showed the audience the truth.
Conclusion
What we've learned today is that Nathan isn't the villian you think. He's been manipulated, used and needs mental help but im sure my old Nathan-defending friends have said this time and time again. Im here to add something....
Its been PROVEN that he's capable of all human emotions, you just refuse to believe it because you're mistaking his illness and claiming all of this was intentional. Psychosis can be temporary. Its a like a hand that steals your common sense, feelings, empathy, sympathy and you're only left with acting on pure chaos and negative or fearful emotions. After long treatment your sense of reality returns, your feelings, your empathy, your sympathy.. And all you have now is guilt and regret and self blame that you hurt somebody. If you let Nathan kill Chloe, he is arrested. He had doctors aware of his illness and would have been charged with illness in mind. Forcing the treatment he needed ages ago. By the time Lis 2 came out...I wonder how he's taking it all in? What he did to everyone, what he did to Rachel.
He was written off to die, be locked up and blamed. Unfortunately he was caught in the crossfires of the harm of our favorite characters. If he was born in a different family and away from Jeff, he would have never hurt anybody. Matter a fact, he would never have suffered with his listed mental illnesses.
This goes out to all real accidental murder cases. There will always be a great divide in opinions. I hate comparing fictional games with real life but I find it crazy that we call others nonempathtic when they aren't empathic themselves. Its like the word "accidental" is worthless.
Its always a debate..
Do we feel bad for the lives lost and their families
or
Do we feel bad for the mental crumble of the one who never meant to kill and how their familes have to deal with that.
Are they worthy to walk this earth? Are they worthy to see the daylight again? Are they still human too? Should they die too? Is redemption possible?
Who knows. Peoples opinions wont change unless them, themselves fall onto the opposing team. If they were to suffer the chaos of accidentally murdering someone or the greif of loosing someone from an accidental murder.
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mariii1 · 1 year
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░▒▓█ 𝖒𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖋𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊 █▓▒░
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Reupload since Tumblr wants to be a pos. I'm unfortunately going to be taking another break after uploading this but let me know what pac you want to see again.
DM me for paid readings
1 - you may be fighting with the people around you a lot or you might be somebody who's combative. You could have anger issues or you just don't know how to deal with anger as an emotion either from yourself or from other people. I see more conflict and a warning that if you dont deal with issues you have now with other people they will get much worse in the future. I see you potentially embarrassing yourself or coming off as irrational to others. I also see someone trying to stab you in the back or take something from you because it either gives them pleasure to see and know that they made you upset or they feel like it's easy to take things from you because they view you as crazy/don't take you seriously. If you're deciding whether or not you should cut someone off because they make you feel emotionally out of balance, do it. I'm getting it's a trauma response; this person knows how to manipulate you. They are a bully, this could be a family member.
2 - Something about a future partner. You'll be freeing yourself from a capitalistic mentality. If you believe in hustle culture, you'll learn the hard way that it's not gonna help you. I see some of you burning out real quick from that. You're not gonna care about money in the future. For a few of you, this obsession with work and money comes from being financially abused whether by a partner for most or by a family member/guardian. I see you not letting money or work ethic define you or be your entire personality for some. If you feel stuck now, it has to do with money. I was getting more rude messages but I feel this comes from people around (they might not be close to you either) who find your mindset annoying and/or they see right through it.
3 - if you have a partner you might break up worth them. You will realize that they were never that good to you. This reminds me of a tiktok where this girl was saying that (to people watching) "he's not special". "He" does normal things and you make it special when it's not. Its the basics of being human, it's how he should've treated you even if you weren't in a relationship. This could be a groomer or some sort of abuser romantically for a lot of you. This could also be someone you put on a pedestal romantically if you don't have a partner. Maybe your crush actually treats you like a piece of shit. This could also apply to those in talking stages in dating apps and such. You're gonna realize someone isn't shit and you only really put them on a pedestal bc you either didn't like yourself or you were bored.
4 - this is a warning for some and others know its gonna happen. There are a few of you planning this on purpose. You might be veryyyy stressed out and over worked in the future. This could result from you not listening to yourself especially if this relates to some sort of decision. If its life altering you will regret it a lot it's just gonna make things harder. Im getting this could have to do with education. There's something you really should have listened to yourself about and it might be too late. My best guess is that if you know what this is, you might even be trying to get out of it currently. This is specific for some people. If you don't get it, it's not for you. This is for people who have been actively trying to block their thoughts and opinions on something out.
5 - ok so you are stopping a cycle if not you will be. However, when you stop, you're going to be stagnant. For a lot of you it can feel like you're stopping the flow of type life in a way. I see you not making any new moves or decisions which will keep you in one place even though you have ended a cycle. It's like you won't find something new or move on to the next thing. I see you being scared of your old cycle repeating or something worse coming your way. I feel this has to do with career or education. It seems you might've felt heavily overworked and not compensated for your work or you didn't get the right outcome so now you just don't want to do anything. Hmm this would be interesting to do a paid reading on.
6 - you're going to give up on presenting as something. In particular, a certain personality. You might have internalizations you're working on, for some of you this has to do with gender transitioning (we're in this together 😭) I see for most that this has to do with again a workplace or just a hostile environment. Maybe in the past you thought that not saying anything and just ignoring ppl would help you, but you see that's not the case. A lot of you had this idea that you needed to be the bigger person or act like ppl weren't worth your time but it was just you not knowing how else to approach conflict. So i see you finally getting someone in trouble with some sort of plan or just speaking your mind in a way that brings action ig. Yeah you might've really hoped to get along with someone but you'll see its just not possible and they refuse to leave you alone.
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tackycatattack · 4 months
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Oh.... hey... IM BACK!
Sorry for the little disappearance, had to a take a break for my own mental wellness. But, I'm doing better! So much better that... drummin'.... I made a new fic!! Yes yes, I know I still have Grown and Up too work on, and that will continue, I just don't have a lot of motivation for it rn... I also can't really remember where I was going with the story when I left it off. That's what you get for not making an outline I guess lol... BUT! I will get back to it, I just need to flesh it out and make sure it has some kind of direction!! In the meantime, there is my new fic that I mentioned earlier, and it is outlined and ready to be written!! It's very much different than G&U, it's heavily inspired by The Haunting of Hill house if you've ever seen/read it- I highly recommend you do! Anyway, it's horror and pretty dark and deals w some heavy topics, so be sure to read TW before you proceed. The two chapters are out, and down below are scenes from the first chapter, which is in Kyle's perspective! That's right, South Park is still stuck in my crazy little brain!! Go read before you look at them, or you can spoil it for yourself, you do you! All in all, I'm glad to be back, and once again, sorry for the hiatus... Ok ramble over!!
lots of love,
TackyCat
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