#lmao i could never be a mother the emotional turmoil is too much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mynameisnotsoda · 3 months

Text

Explaining my entire dsmpsona playlist because I can

P.s. every mention of Soda in this post isn't me, i just dont feel like putting c! In front of it every single time LMAO

Also i dont think i ever posted the ref on tumblr!!?!??! Criminal but putting it here is better methinks

I also put this in my studentbur playlist, which feels fitting for both of them. However for Adam its more metaphorical whereas with Soda its more literal.

I have my own shapeshifter lore that's loitering in my brain that i need to write down eventually BUT the basics are essentially that shapeshifters are "born" from the planet. They CAN come from other shapeshifters but only once and most choose not to have a bio kid.

So basically, Soda literally popped out of the ground one day, was found by Sapnap and then adopted by Bad and Skeppy. Soda was maybe physically 9/10 years old and was so curious about the world and excited to experience life. If any creature could possibly be made of pure love, its them.

Growing up Soda got REALLY attached to Bad, they clung onto him a lot and it was to the point where it was probably unhealthy. Of course Bad noticed, which made him actually set some boundaries despite not really wanting to. Skeppy was able to convince him, though, as when it comes to the kids hes the voice of reason.

So, Bad would start off by telling Soda that he was going to be gone, leading up to him just disappearing for maybe a few hours at a time before eventually coming back. Eventually Soda was able to function without Bad, but that ended up backfiring as they just latched onto Sapnap instead.

With Soda's attachment to their brother, they tagged along with him when he went out fairly often but after being weened off of Bad it became more frequent. Soda and Sapnap were practically attached at the hip, regardless of Sapnap's protesting.

With a group of teenagers they were obviously doing some reckless, stupid shit and Soda was just along for the ride! At first Dream and George hated Soda—they were just Sapnap's annoying younger sibling—but eventually they got used to Soda being around. Especially since they may have persuaded Soda to use their shapeshifting for nefarious purposes.

At first everyone found Soda adorable, their cheery optimism, endless energy and amusing naivety was a part of their charm. But then it became...obnoxious.

Sapnap always had a short temper, he tried his best to handle it, but sometimes he'd just snap at Soda when they became too much of a handful. He was always quick to apologize but it affected Soda deeply.

Soda very much struggled with any sort of negative emotions, when they felt it—it hit them hard. One day, it was enough to send them spiraling, having a panic attack alone in their room. This was also the first time memories of their past lives resurfaced. At first it was rather intriguing, though a jumpscare, but then it just got worse.

It seemed like Soda's lives were always filled with turmoil and a constant feeling of dread. The stronger their emotions became the more fragments of memories would appear. Soda didn't tell anyone about this.

Skipping much further ahead, Soda obviously sided with the Dteam during the revolution. They were family, in Soda's eyes at least. Which made it incredibly easy for Dream to use that to his advantage. He used them in every way that he could to win the war, even going as far as to try and make Soda resent Tommy and Tubbo. Soda was a spy, mostly, turning into a cat to effortlessly infiltrate the enemy. They heard and saw everything, but part of them felt bad for it, so they never told Dream everything. He noticed.

The horrors of being a child soldier.

Dream's obsession with power and control was never obvious, not to his friends and certainly not to Soda. They truly believed he had good intentions despite going to war with Wilbur. Then again, Soda doesn't understand what war really is. But the pressure to keep up with Dream's demands and avaid his increasing irritably became exhausting and overwhelming. Yet Soda believed it was their fault.

Tubbo and Tommy weren't safe from the horrors either, they had that much in common with Soda. The three of them went through hell, basically.

Dream.

Aaaand tumblr wont let me add more songs so im cutting this into parts through reblogs. I'll probably continue this later (bc its almost 2am pFF) and might post the second part before i go to sleep like im doing now :P

I am cringe but I am free

#dsmp!soda #dsmpsona #dsmp #dream smp #dsmp oc #dsmp au

28 notes · View notes

chippuyon · 1 year

Note

I think the whole thing is complicated, Miri ended up looking for his father all alone because her mother basically abandoned her. And his father was a terrible person in every sense possible.

And given how there’s not a lot of emphasis on his death on the show, I doubt it’ll be a focus on Miri’s turmoil later on. She never asked for another papa.

She has two dads already, and isn’t looking for another one.

(Besides he did aimed a gun to her HEAD)

Misaki on the other hand…

She was selfish, she said it herself, to the very end. But she did love Miri

In the end, What Miri wanted, was to all of them to live together. Unachievable, but it does suggest the best compromise would have been a split custody.

I doubt they’ll keep the secret for long, they’ll have to tell her Misaki died, and much later on, how she died.

It’ll be a hard pill to shallow, and it’ll change their relationship forever, but I do think the message of them being a family despite it all, how this truly was the best they could do for her, how they CAN make her happy and change, is what matters.

Part of growing up is realizing your parents aren’t perfect, far from it. That they have done shitty things before. And that at some point, they made a grave mistake while raising you.

But I do believe they can pull out of this one

(With a LOT of therapy, kyu can find one who can attend her without ratting out her parents lmao)

Yeah I don't think Miri will be too hung up on her bio dad, but again emotions are complicated. She'll still go through a shock and maybe even grief, even if bio dad's a piece of shit. The more pressing concern would be the reveal that her adoptive parents murdered her bio dad. I can see Miri having trouble processing this, especially once she's older.

Agree about Misaki, she's flawed and has selfish motivations but deep down she does care for Miri, and Miri cares for her. A split custody would've been the ideal outcome.

They're all gonna need therapy in the future 😭 Let's pray and hope for the best 🙏

#can you tell im tired #ughh this school assignment is killing me #chip answers #buddy daddies spoilers

25 notes · View notes

crinkled-emotions · 1 year

Note

I'm so excited you're getting back into writing!!

I love seeing you mix it up with the characters, and I hope you don't mine this request. I was thinking Penny and Rooster? She gives me such adoptive mom vibes. I know your only just back taking requests for Rooster so if you're not into this, no problem at all!

I too love emeto, lol poor Roo, so maybe from the prompts, the one about retching and losing their voice, a deep breath that triggers a cough then a gag, and the one about staying in puke stained clothes (I had an idea about this one that's kinda off from the prompt, but Roo not wanting to change its his comfort sweatershirt, like maybe an old one belong to Mav, Goose, or even Ice. Penny calling Mav frantic about how to fix a stubborn Rooster, because he NEEDS to change, and Mav just being like "he's not being stubborn, he's scared and lonely 🥺)

Ohhhhhhh oKAY, oW! I'm fine, totally... fine... uh. Peel me off the floor, why don'tcha? 😂

I've been thinking about Penny helping Rooster for so long lmao. You read my mind!

We're getting some more teen!Bradley, being his usual angsty self. He's sick, leave him alone.

Warnings: emeto. Rooster is still lil Bradley Bradshaw, good with words when he wants to hurt those around him. He's a little emotional but he's not having a panic attack or anything.

"Hey, Penny, I gotta- there's an emergency on base, I have to go. Bradley should be fine, but would you mind keeping an eye on him?"

Penny glanced over her shoulder at the fifteen year old curled up on their couch, an eyebrow raised.

"What do I know about caring for teenagers, Pete?"

"Just do whatever feels right; except coddle him, whatever you do don't coddle him. Gotta go, love you."

Pete pressed one last kiss to her lips, kneeling in front of Bradley on the couch.

"B," he began softly, "I gotta run to base, but I won't be more than a couple hours. Do you want me to bring something back? Gatorade, pedialyte? Soup?"

Bradley shook his head, rolling on to his side facing the back of the couch. Penny grimaced, watching Pete kiss the top of his godson's forehead anyway before legging it out the door.

Look, I should start at the start.

Bradley had been off all week- he'd been rude, then quiet, and then randomly that morning he'd burst into tears before he had to go to school and Maverick had been scared something was really wrong so he'd let him stay home. It was around the time Pete and Penny were trying to live together for the first time, before she'd met her (now ex) husband and had Amelia. She'd been struggling to bond with Bradley, as much as he was polite he also insisted he didn't want another mother nor did he want her in Pete's life for her own good. For the time being, he was reserved around her. Pete insisted it was just everything that had happened; he didn't want to let anyone else in despite both Goose and Carole knowing Penny years before he was born.

That morning, Maverick had enough of his emotional turmoil and gave in, letting him stay home from school. Sure enough, the fever started twenty minutes later and he was gagging in the bathroom within the hour. Penny felt a little panicked; she'd never had to take care of a sick teenager, she wasn't a parent, and parenting didn't come naturally to her like it seemed to come to Pete (a majority of the time).

For the time being, he was asleep on the couch, unwilling to move to his room because he'd wanted to be close to Pete. Now that Pete was gone, Penny rounded the corner into the living area and knelt by where he was curled up.

"Do you have a fever?"

"Mav already checked it."

"Do you think you could keep some water down?"

"Mav already tried."

"Bradley-"

"-look, I appreciate the gesture, but please, just- leave me alone."

"Pete left you in my care, I have to make sure you see the light of day tomorrow."

Bradley glanced over his shoulder.

"He's gonna be gone that long?"

"Hopefully not, but we both know how it goes with base emergencies."

Bradley sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"You look a little pale-"

"-yeah, well, my stomach hurts."

Penny glanced over, locating the bucket Pete had thankfully left by Bradley's side just in case. She'd been hearing that phrase my stomach hurts all morning, and it was usually followed by a round of vomiting. Sure enough, he sat up and she handed the bucket over, hesitantly rubbing his back. Bradley rested his arms on the rim, wincing as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. Penny cleared her throat.

"It might help if you take a deep breath, sometimes you can breathe through the nausea and you won't get sick," she offered. Brown eyes glanced up at her, and then she heard him try to get a full breath in. The deep breath triggered a cough and Penny winced when he retched, dry heaving into the bucket.

"Oh god, fuck, I hate this," he croaked hoarsely. Penny went to move her hand over his back but realised he'd sweated through his hoodie and slowly retracted, grimacing.

"You're burning up," she murmured. Bradley glanced up from where he'd had his head in the bucket, eyes darting around the room nervously.

"What is it?" Penny asked.

"It hurts," he complained. Penny frowned.

"Your stomach? I thought we'd established that-"

"-no, my throat."

Penny reached for the water bottle Maverick had left with him, offering it to Bradley as she took the bucket from him.

"You weren't actually sick, you need to drink something."

"Don't make me."

"Bradley..."

"Penny, dammit, I'm not drinking anything, okay? Nothing sits right, at least I won't bring anything up."

"It can tear your throat. It already hurts; the pain of tearing it is excruciating. Please, just a couple sips. I'm pretty sure Pete would dump me if he came home and you were worse."

"That's true... fine, hand it over."

Penny passed him the water bottle, watching him take a couple of hesitant sips. It must have clicked how dehydrated he actually was because before she could stop him, he was downing the whole thing.

"Do you think you should change your shirt?"

"No."

Penny knelt by where Bradley had migrated to the toilet bowl, grimacing as he looked up at her. She sent him a sympathetic look, but tried to keep it casual. Pete said not to coddle him, but to be fair she didn't really know how to coddle a teenager... or not coddle him. She reached for the hoodie again but Bradley tightened his hold on it.

"I need it, please leave it."

Penny raised an eyebrow, looking over the older hoodie. She wasn't sure where it was from but it had a familiar cologne on it under the- well. The reason she was trying to get him to take it off.

"Bradley... it's covered in puke."

"I don't care, Penny."

"Okay. Okay, alright."

Penny got up, carefully backing away from the bathroom. Bradley sniffed, shivering on the bathroom floor. Penny made her way through the house, locating her phone sitting on the kitchen counter. Pete was notorious for forgetting his, but she had to hope he'd remembered because she really needed his help.

"Maverick."

"Pete, it's Penny. Uh, how much longer do you think you're going to be?"

"Is Bradley worse?"

Maverick immediately sounded concerned, and she could almost feel him about to leave base against orders. She winced, glancing at the bathroom door that was now closed.

"No, he's- he's in this hoodie, it's covered in puke, and I keep trying to get him to get changed but he won't. His stubbornness is killing me here, Mav, what do I do?"

Maverick was quiet for a moment.

"What colour is the hoodie?"

"Uh- green? Dark green. Why?"

"It's Goose's. When he's really sick or feeling vulnerable, it comes out of his closet. I've been dousing it in Goose's cologne for years. Uh, look, don't worry about it. I should be home soon, we're still trying to get things under wraps here."

"He's just so stubborn."

Maverick chuckled.

"Penny, he's not stubborn, he's scared. This is the first time he's been sick without me or either of his parents there, and as much as he's trying to prove he's an adult he's still just a kid. I know he has his reservations about you being in the house, but he's a teenage boy and he's never adapted well to change so don't take it personally."

"How do I get him to not be scared?"

"You don't. Is he keeping down fluids, is he sleeping, have you been able to get him to eat anything?"

"He can keep water down for a couple hours, but it seems to come back up. He's been sleeping for the most part, and I haven't tried to get him to eat anything, he said even the smell of something solid will make him puke."

"That sounds normal. Okay, alright, look, I'll be home as soon as I can. Please just... be kind to him."

"I will. Thanks, Pete."

"See you soon."

Penny hung up her phone, tucking it into her pocket. She was surprised when she turned around to find Bradley leaning against the kitchen counter, sniffling.

"Sorry," he finally said. She crossed her arms, but she couldn't stay mad at the poor kid.

"It's okay. I'm sorry too."

"It might be gross to you, but I can still smell my dad on it, and I miss him."

“I know that now. That’s Goose’s hoodie, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. How about I get you some paper towel, and we can make it tolerable until you feel well enough to wash it.”

Penny was already rounding the corner into the kitchen, producing a roll of paper towels followed by dish soap from the edge of the sink. Bradley regarded her for a moment.

“Soap?”

“Not going to wash it, I’m just worried about it staining. Can you give me the end of your sleeve? Either side.”

Reluctantly, Bradley stretched his arm out and let Penny dab at the stained fabric, frowning when she reached for the dish soap.

“It’s not going to change the smell, right?”

“Other than the barf smell, no. Mav told me this is the brand your mom used anyway, so if anything you get both parents.”

Bradley’s eyes watered and he reached his other sleeve up to frantically swipe at them. Penny glanced up at him.

“It’s okay to cry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.”

“I miss them,” he choked out hoarsely, voice gone from vomiting and crying. Penny put a hand on his shoulder but didn’t push it, focusing on the puke stains.

“Is Mav mad?”

“What- no! No, Bradley, he’s just really worried about you. He’s coming home as soon as he can.”

He stifled a sob, abruptly getting up and walking away. Penny watched him for a moment, sighed, and suddenly had the urge to call her father and apologise for being so difficult after her mother died.

"Penny? Pen, Bradley?"

Maverick dumped his jacket and duffel bag at the door, kicking off his boots. Penny was asleep under a blanket on the couch, snoring softly, but she looked peaceful. Maverick frowned, rounding the corner to Bradley's room. He too looked asleep at first glance, but Maverick knew he had to check his fever so he carefully navigated the mess on the floor to kneel by him and put a hand to his forehead.

"Hmmm... Mav?"

"Hey, kid. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

"Your stomach is still upset?"

"Not like it was. I think I'm out the other side."

"Your fever's lower, which is a good sign. When was the last time you puked?"

"I think it was around eleven, nothing since. I can't really remember what happened since then; what time is it?"

"Nearly two am."

Bradley hummed, yawning. Rolling on to his side, he reached out and Maverick wrapped him in a hug.

"Wait; where's your hoodie?"

Maverick glanced around the room frantically when he realised Bradley was in a simple black t-shirt, no green hoodie to be found. He gestured toward the bedroom door.

"Penny managed to peel it off me, she said it was going through a recovery process and should be good to go in five to seven business days."

Maverick stifled a snort, pressing a kiss to his godson's temple.

"Alright then, I'll make sure it gets back to you. Go back to sleep, I'm only down the hallway."

"I know Mav, thanks."

Bradley yawned again, before burying himself back under his blanket. Maverick made his way back out of the room, grimacing.

"B? This weekend, if you're feeling a little better, can you pick up a little?"

"Sure thing Mav," Bradley replied drowsily. The way he replied told Maverick he'd have grounds to deny the conversation ever happened.

"Hey, what time did you get home?"

Penny wandered into the kitchen the next morning, stretching as she yawned to herself. Maverick offered her a cup of coffee and a kiss, smiling at her.

"Good morning. I got in around 2 but I went straight in to check on Bradley. I hope he wasn't too much yesterday, I'm sorry for leaving you like that. I could have taken him to Ice and Sarah's, I was just worried-"

"-he's been moved around enough already, Pete. If you ever need me to, I'm happy to watch him. He's a good kid, just fighting his own demons."

Maverick's eyebrows raised, and then he relaxed. He suddenly looked a lot more like the man she knew when she was in her twenties, fun-loving and kind. Ever since Carole died, he'd constantly frowned.

"Thank you," he finally said, "thank you."

"Is there waffles?"

Bradley wandered into the kitchen, but paused in the doorway when he realised Penny and Maverick were kissing.

"Oh, for fuck's sake. I just stopped puking."

"Bradley!"

#Bradley Rooster Bradshaw #Penny Benjamin #Top Gun: Maverick #Top Gun Maverick #TGM #Pete Maverick Mitchell #Pete Mitchell #Maverick #Bradley Bradshaw #Rooster #Callsign: Rooster #Callsign: Maverick #sickfic #hurt/comfort #angst

16 notes · View notes

unearthlydream · 10 months

Text

((this is a long personal rambling feel free to scroll past lmao))

growing up chronically online meant most of my friends were distant people i didn't really know. as we got older we'd discard our fake names and backstories and share our actual life with each other. it was so wonderful to get to know a new version of a person who i already loved once we got so comfortable.

i had one friend in particular who i'll never forget. there are so many-- but d... d and I hurt each other immensely. we were both so traumatized and so broken and desperately trying to glue each others pieces back together, sometimes not even caring if they went into the right spot. as long as it wasn't broken anymore... that's all we cared about. there was so much love and, at the end, so much emotion and turmoil that we ended up never speaking again. as we got older our coping mechanisms became more complex and it just got complicated. i don't blame d for growing apart, even if i did at the time (but i was 14 and fuckin stupid. i couldn't see past my own crafted universe of "how things are supposed to be")

one thing that always troubled me was the constant state of not knowing whether d succumbed to the suicidal ideations. they blocked me on all known profiles and essentially disappeared. i always hoped and dreamed that they found happiness somehow-- that some of the plans we made for our lives would actually come together-- but not knowing has always left me with a haunted feeling whenever i thought of them.

as i scrolled through my archive i found my 2nd oldest account -- the blog where we linked to each others pages just so everyone would know we were best friends. it's been years since i saw the page and i honestly thought the blog had been wiped-- but the reality is that it's just been so long that i forgot the exact URL (back in the day when people hoarded URLs and you had to have a weird variation on something or nothing at all).

as i had done so many times as a teenager, i clicked on my "dee" tag. expecting to find nothing but an empty blog that hadn't been touched since 2011. but this time... i think they were there. the hyperlink worked and I was taken to a blog with a beautiful theme (as d always had), a silly and scrappy bio, and over 4K pages of content going all the way back to 2016. i even saw their name. their real name. the name their shitty mother gave them and that they always hated-- the name that actually inspired them to create a fake name (not just a fear of being abducted, like me lol love 2008 internet safety).

it seems so much like them. they seem so happy. i don't even see a trace of the child who i desperately texted waiting for a response to be sure they didn't drown themselves in the creek behind their house. the child who i loved so much it drove me to harm. the child who, whether they realize it or not, helped shape me into the person i am today.

but because of the time and the distance... because of the fiery way our friendship ended... i can't be sure. i want so badly for it to be them. i've thought for so long that maybe they lost their battle and that i'd never see them smile again or talk with them about werewolves or listen to their stories about their grandparents that loved them so much. but now there is a little hope. and i'm going to hang onto that.

i just wish... i wish i could reach out. it's been so long that i would hope their hate faded. that they could reflect on the simple things that tore us apart, and that they might even be happy to hear from me. to know that i won my battle too and that i'm finally happy.

it hurts to not know. but it would probably hurt more to reach out and hear nothing-- or to reach out just to realize that this person with their blog isn't actually them, but someone who took their URL after they deleted their presence from my life.

god i haven't written anything this long on tumblr since..... ever? lmao but i'm just sitting at work simultaneously aching over these memories and shining over the fact that they might still be breathing. that they're living the life that i always dreamed and hoped that they would. and god-- if it is you, d, you turned into a beautiful person. not that i ever had any doubts.

#personal #god #is this relatable content??? any bitches turning 30 soon lamenting over the friends they've lost over the internet???#i miss them so much and i want to reach out so bad but i just.... i don't think they need me popping up in their life #to remind them of all of our childhood sadness #i hope they're happy and i hope they've forgotten about me #maybe i'll get lucky and they'll find this post and reach out....#lost friendship #i didn't re-read any of this so hopefully it's coherent lmao #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw: mentions of death #i hope they remember me as fondly as i remember them #but i guess if they don't... that is okay too #it has to be #GOD I WANNA CRY WTF LMAO #am i even worth being fondly remembered?

0 notes

supercorp-hosie · 3 years

Text

My thoughts for Legacies 315:

1) for the Star Wars, I have no knowledge about it, I saw some parallels of characters after the episode, it seems accurate, but I still have no idea why Hope’s characters in it didn’t even have a backstory or name lmao. I’m just overall unfazed;

2) the background of the trio and Alaric! There are like so much to address and I don’t know how to fully share my thoughts in-depth organisedly. I’ll try;

3) facts first: so it’s canon that Lizzie’s mental problem is diagnosed at earliest 11, but specific time unknown;

4) Jed activated his curse earliest at 11, since Lizzie had a crush on him for two weeks. I mean who would’ve thought that, common headcannons seem to incline on Josie x Jed tho😂. That just doesn’t randomly cross my mind🤣. Anyway, it doesn’t deny that Jed and Josie could be a thing too, since the twins often have the tendency to crush on the same person? I’m feeling like 60% of the time? I mean they obviously have the same preferences for LI, bad girl or bad boy type, anyone? Rafael, Sebastian, Jed, Jade, Penelope, Hope, Finch. They kind of have this thing with new people to their lives, for Josie, Rafael, Finch, Jade(it’s arguable but I think people tend to have a whole new lens when reconnecting with a disappeared person in your life for years when you’re very young. The perspectives are not the same, like you’re meeting a new person especially you don’t really know them before);

5) especially Lizzie, she definitely has a thing for new people that seems like bad boy/girl. I emphasised on the new people here bc I don’t think ethan is exactly that type, it’s just how Lizzie imagine him to be in that AU. Raf, Sebastian, Ethan....(maybe Jed was new when she crushed on him too, who knows), more specifically, it’s Strangers to Lovers trope for her romance department, so she can imagine as much as she wants and have the wildest dreams (bgm intended). Maybe Josie’s it’s not as much like this considering we don’t know how Posie happened, and with Hope her crush is canon when she was 12, but we don’t know how long exactly the crush was and when did it started, I just have to count that not being new person into her life. But I do get that why Josie said Lizzie always get the boy/girl Josie crushed on too, mostly they have the same type and preferences. Though they can randomly blurt out characters that we all don’t even know as more solid examples.;

6) Alaric and the fact of him being quite an absent father since the twins were 11 is solid canon. I understand the need to care for Hope because the world can’t afford a tribrid went uncared for and went around killing people, but still, the different perspectives of Hope and Lizzie to Alaric are very sad. To think that your father would betray you for another child, is very sad, even for Lizzie, the more dramatic one. So I understand that Caroline wasn’t there for the twins either, another absent parent. About the mother figure being diminished here, I’ll address it in another point. What’s left for Lizzie? Josie.

7) So basically Josie had to handle herself and Lizzie’s all by her own? That’s very hard! My BFF is bipolar, we are not living together, but before, my whole situation [for being in love with her + her situation] had really been hard for me too. I couldn’t imagine what’s it’s really like for Josie. (Another point that I need to address is the real mental problem that Lizzie has) Sure Alaric might not always be absent, but the intensity of Lizzie’s perspective begs to differ. Josie had to understand what is Bipolar at a very young age; had to be there for Lizzie when she had her outburst; had to be the one constantly check on Lizzie whether she had taken her meds; had to digest the emotion impacts from Lizzie after the outburst; had to understand how Lizzie functioned when she was down. None of that are easy, and there’s no one there to ask of what Josie really feels. How Josie pent out? What does she need? Josie might feel the need to be not wanting things and always be good so that she can get the love from Alaric (I remember in season 1, Josie felt the need to lose the game to get on Alaric good side) . So she just started to suppress her voice and her needs, because Lizzie need them the most. Over time or years of suppressing in front of her dearest family, she most likely felt unneeded by her parents, and forgettable to her parents(the girl that’s so quiet that her parents forget about her, the girl that Penelope won’t fight for anymore). She needed to feel needed, so she just let Lizzie take all of her, from whom she felt needed the most. So all of these from Josie’s perspectives, it started a vicious cycle for the twins. And leads to how the twins dynamics and how Josie are in present days. But her problem was never solved, they just accumulated day by day, year by year, leaving the good and dark side from Josie being so separated and unbalanced. The inner turmoil is always there. These lead to the extreme polarity of Josie’s good and bad side. When she’s doing bad, Josie would be especially aggressive than she needed to be because that’s an instinct to compensate the lack of action before. After long suppression, once being released, the instinct would be stronger than usual and harder to get it under control. Under the influence of dark magic, Dark Josie felt like another personality inside Josie here to take over the whole Josie and protect their interests that true Josie are neglecting. Kind of like dissociative identity disorder but not really it?? It’s just an understanding that I’ve been wanting to express, but so hard to organise it, because it’s so complex. By this understanding, I do still think that Josie should still be held accountable for her actions, even when dark magic was influencing her, like even people with mental health illness should be instituted and lost their freedom. I just think that it’s not fair to think she’s straight up very evil and do nothing good for people. It’s not like she’s being dark for no reason at all. This just mean that the dog that doesn’t bark can be more harmful than people think. These doesn’t mean that when Josie goes dark, she doesn’t deserve any leniency at all while holding her accountable. (And it’s not like she’s not beating herself up for most of the things she had done) Oh and sure, Josie should do the healthy way of voicing out these needs and all, to encourage a healthy dynamics between them like she’s the only healthy one between them, but still the problem is, they both lack the environment and guidance to make a healthy working relationship between themselves. How could they know what is healthy when the environment was already lack thereof.

8) Reading Lizzie’s diaries is bad, I understand, because you literally need to understand what leads to what, to gain control when your life is a chaos, but still. It’s even worse when you have that need to confide in another person to get things out wrongly. (I was having a phone call during the diary sharing review, but this is what I vaguely get) a) Josie is confiding the contents very specifically to another person that Hope can somehow reconstruct a sequel to it? b) Josie chose the wrong place to confide it since when she gets emotional, people can probably hear what was shared. At least from what I guess I got, it isn’t stated that she spread it to the whole school nor it was spread to the whole, even if that’s the case, it may not be on purpose, and she chose the wrong person to confide in. Like about the reveal in 112, she made up that Hope talking bad about Lizzie to the whole school, but it doesn’t mean that she spread it nor the whole school actually knows. Another case is, even if the school knows, it could easily be known by any passerby to Lizzie outburst and spread in the school. From what we saw from 101, the kitchen is a public space, the utensils and cutleries breaking should be very alarming, and there are students with intensified senses in the school. By that fact itself, it doesn’t really help Lizzie in being discreet of her illness. Still, sharing your sister’s diaries after reading it is really bad. But I do get that, sometimes you really need to talk to someone that know some of the situation but don’t really know the person in question to recalibrate yourself. But that person have to be like the dead end of all school gossip but not close to Lizzie, so it can do no harm (because he/she/they literally have no use to talk to someone with all these, usually there’s this no name policy, but with Lizzie being her sister, it’s useless hiding, maybe) when you disclose something related to her pertaining your own issues. Josie should apologise for sharing Lizzie diaries, even if Hope was not meant to know that, despite her werewolf hearing. For the reading part, did we get the apology tho? I guess we had? If negative, apologies needed.;

9) From Lizzie perspective, we can see her does Josie wrong but didn’t apologise either. Like Lizzie being princess but Josie being her android, personalised valet? It just showed that during that period of time(specifically from when until when tho, that’s a question), after what Josie had been enduring, taking care of her, Lizzie thought of herself being princess but didn’t actually think Josie as her equal? Like how the Android was programmed to bow to Lizzie? That’s just the habit of the twins dynamic showing, also partly Josie mistake, but Josie does deserves to be perceived as more than that, even when she’s derogatory to herself, Lizzie should uphold that for her. Their dynamics is just sad because it’s not entirely the twins fault, it’s also due to the absent parents in the household, they didn’t know better, they can only depend on each other. They’re orphaned like Hope in a way when their parents are still present. Even though they have privileges as Alaric’s daughters, but that doesn’t help with their real situation. This is just a perfect example of how your family shaped you, but we can still fight to shape ourselves after the power that our parents have over us gradually diminished, like how they’re starting to shape themselves more now as they’re coming to age.

10) What really warms me from the Android situation, despite Josie feeling like she’s being degraded the whole time, a subject to Lizzie, is that from how Josie is the combination of two Androids, also shows that how Lizzie actually looked up to Josie. Maybe it’s not addressed, but I see that. For Lizzie, Josie can really do so much things for her, take care of her so closely that Lizzie can count Josie as her personal valet. Derogatory, yes, but that place is also very important to prince and princess, bc they can literally do nothing to take care of their daily lives themselves well, like Merlin for Arthur (I mean the actions, not the presumably romantic relationship). Without Merlin, Arthur life is a mess! And the knowledge for Android part, it means that in Lizzie’s mind, Josie actually is like the person who knows everything😂 usually that figure should be our parents😭, but for Lizzie, it’s Josie, like she knows the answer to all. It’s sad and warming at the same time. Just more appreciation will do! And the fact that the special sword that they’re finding the whole time was in Josie’s thigh, just show how the trust that Lizzie had in Josie, not even their parents can triumph it, because Josie was the one being there the whole time. So they really deserves each other despite all the shitty things they have done to each other.

11) about Lizzie mental illness, I was recommended a post informing people about how Legacies fucked up Lizzie’s illness. After my own research, I do agree with the OP, I think that Lizzie situation is more like borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar, but that doesn’t make the whole situation easy. I can provide the table I made the next time regarding that.

12) Hope being Lizzie’s villain is really fitting, lmao, the intensity of Alaric care for Hope is so much that even Lizzie thought that Alaric would betray the twins for Hope.

13) I like Hope’s look. Josie being the Android that malfunction sometimes is funny too, especially when Josie is angry the whole time, cuz it’s infuriating too🤣🤣

14) Hope and Josie during Lethan kiss is me. How they’re totally in the same team when Lizzie being like that? Hosie are both wary of their characters and backstory? Hosie rights. Hhhhhh, oh Hope might be jealous of Ethan😂 Hizzie rights.

15) Another Hizzie rights, Hope wrote a sequel to Lizzie fanfic. And..... is Hope officially a nerd too???? I can’t! Hhhhh but maybe not, or else Hope would have known who she was.

16) Lizzie says, maybe deep down I still feel that you’re the chosen one (IN HER OWN STORY)

17) Younger Hope kind of break my heart more. It’s so sad😭😭 how she’s in denial of their parents death, and blame it on herself.....no baby. How Hope just have to tell herself all that again. And about Hope being scavenger, I think it’s fitting too. Her life, like the twins, is in pieces too. She had to pick them up herself, and build a world where her heart and hope can rest safely, and that just make her not mad at Josie burning down her room gayer. She was so closed up to herself that her room is like another world for her. So forgiving Josie just because of her crush, is like Josie and her crush on Hope meant the world to her???? Hosie rights! Anyway, Josie still messed up with that.

18) Having Younger Hope saying those things to Josie, oh my heart! Josie is a protector for Hope! Hosie rights! And Hope knowing the truth to stop Lord Marshall! Malivore, and Josie just stop talking because she doesn’t want to encourage Hope to die😍😍 Younger Hope actually wants to be best friends with the twins!!!!

19) Hope literally just stop growing taller after 12/13 like I did, is fact! And I’m comforted by that, sorry not sorry, lmao!

20) For real I don’t understand why Hope is suddenly full tribrid at the end. When she fights with Malivore.

21) The gun fight and sword fight is so weird! It’s like the gunners don’t know how to shoot at all, like they’re in slow motion, difficultly level easy to the audience, it’s so fake. I’m for Hope being badass, but it seems like the show doesn’t know how to portray a good fight scene. The sword fight is like in slow motion. And if Hope is to combine magic with sword fighting, she should combine them more. I don’t feel she’s badass at all, cuz it’s literally level easy😑

22) Star Wars AU have brought up so many childhood unresolved for the trio to understand each other more and be a better team. I love them ended up being all supportive and the panda promise🤣🤣 I love that the twins just agree not to let Hope die like that. But they’re like promise that a little later than Cleo and Landon? My team Sowanby! Applause to Handon, but please don’t be together again! Strike three, no is no!

23) for MG, Jed, Kaleb, they really need to make up with each other, I’m glad that they finally made it. And Kaleb being jealous of Methan? Lmao! And MG didn’t even say Ethan name? I love Maleb bonding, and MG never left his man behind!! Another things is, what’s wrong with those boys fighting scenes? We saw them throwing valuables to distract the monster again?! What if the keys are damaged? How are you going to go home? Oh and Jed being useful!

24) Jed last name is Tien, 田/填 in Chinese, I’ve shared enough in my other post. But still WE DONT ACTUALLY HAVE JED FIRST NAME! Give us that!

25) Still, I don’t understand how the wendigo is not dead yet. And how come it’s defeated by fire this time??

26) I don’t quite actually know what’s happening with Dorian. Is he okay? I bet he is, so Emma is coming back, right? Based off what the conversation is? We need Emma, really.

27) regarding Emma, is the lack of mother figure that I want to address when stating the twins dynamic. I don’t actually know a lot from TVD or TO, I just happen to know some general things and snippets from edits. But I know Hayley’s words before she dies, like “I’m not going to teach my daughter it’s okay to let people she loves die” and paint art, have at least one epic love? But for real, in legacies, all I get for Hayley is 103, Josie paying her respects, but none other than that. It’s all Klaus. I believe that Hayley is an important figure to Hope too. But she’s not mentioned enough, it’s kind of erasing her impact on Hope?? Like Caroline too, we get her phone calls, the twins trip to Europe to treat their problems off-screen, the letter for Lizzie in 302, the recommendation for Lizzie to go to the witch retreat, but not vetted by Alaric.....yes she get all these and Jo Laughlin being there in 106 (I cried so hard). But still the mother figure is still being minimised. Like in Lizzie’s fanfic there’s never a place for Caroline? How surreal? It doesn’t make sense. (I understand the actress is just not returning). But still these doesn’t change the fact that the show is lacking a mother figure as a whole. Emma should be that.

28) Clarke!!! Like it’s predictable! But what’s unpredictable is that he went straight to shower🤣🤣🤣 I love his snarkiness! Clarke meeting Hope half naked! Holarke! Hhhhhh

I’m too tired, sharing this episodes thoughts is exhausting me. There must be something I left out, please feel free to remind me!

56 notes · View notes

djmarinizelablog · 3 years

Note

hi! read your last ask and you said that you took up creative writing classes so you might have a wider knowledge about this but i was wondering when u mentioned different writing styles (like minimalistic, hightened imagery, linear vilennete and all of that) could you maybe explain the difference and what they really mean and maybe examples in our own levihan nation and writers? this might be asking for too much but i was pretty lost and i'd like to know more about all that. however you are def free to ignore this too!

Did you just ask me to write a comprehensive poetics essay, Anon? (I love writing about writing lmao)

Super long post ahead, and I’ll be citing certain fanfics that I’ve read so far and those that I think somehow exemplifies all the different writing styles I mentioned in the previous post.

First off, the ones I listed beforehand (minimalistic prose, heightened imagery, poetic language, linear narrative, non-linear vignettes) aren’t the only types of writing styles. There are more if you consider the variations of tone (humor/comedy, sentimental, macabre, noir etc), narration/perspective (first person, second person, third person omniscient/limited), and language (dialogue-heavy or action/scene-driven). And the nice thing is that you can actually use of one or two of them in your work---or all of them, if you’re feeling bold.

As Hange always loves to do: “Let’s experiment!”

--------

I’ll start with minimalistic prose. It is what it is: short, clear, and concise. Think less is more. You have an economy with words where you disregard most adverbs and focus more on the context to make way for meaning, thus allowing the readers to create their own interpretations of your writing. I think the method here is to write your intended draft first, and then cut the unnecessary words to flesh out the scene even more.

Notice how @stereobone wrote this paragraph of Black Dog (an Eruri fic):

Isabel's voice wakes him, brother, brother, has him sitting upright in bed and grabbing for the knife under his mattress. He braces himself for the attack before he realizes there isn't one. There is nothing in the darkness but him and his heavy, panicked breathing. Levi's heart feels like it's trying to beat its way out of his chest. He drops the knife on the mattress and shuts his eyes and tries not to think about Farlan's bloody resigned face before he was eaten. He tries not to think about how he left them. How it's his fault.

It’s very simplistic in language; the paragraph lets you focus on Levi’s innermost thoughts while he deals with an external action (ie, having nightmares). The author hasn’t unraveled the rest of the plot yet, but you already know where the tension is coming from.

Next is heightened imagery. If you’re familiar with the different figures of speech (metaphor, simile, personification, hyperbole, etc), then this is where they all come into play. I think the challenge here is being able to balance it well with the text itself and make sure that the imagery actually clarifies the context of the paragraph instead of convoluting the intended meaning.

Here’s an excerpt from A Dangerous Game by just_quintessentially_me:

Hanji watched Levi, standing there, head bent and bloodied handkerchief pressed against his arm, and was reminded, irrationally, of a night years ago. When her parents had taken her to the circus. [. . . .] Holding her parent’s hands, she’d gaped, head craned back as she watched the spectacle, a cacophonous mixture of sound and color. At the center of it all, she’d spied a boy. Among the twisting colors and tricks, he alone, was still. [. . . .] The boy was high above, balancing on a platform atop a long pole. In front of him, stretched an audaciously thin rope. Below, no net waited to catch him.

[. . . .]

When Levi looked up, his expression was set - like the boy before the tightrope. And she knew, with sinking certainty, he was going to take the step. Into thin air.

Gray eyes met her gaze and held it.

“Yeah. I’ll go.”

At the door, Kenny smiled.

See how the powerful imagery of the boy on the tightrope was able to fuel the tension in that moment among Levi, Hange, and Kenny?

I think poetic language is akin to heightened imagery, except that the former is more focused on the actual language. It’s very lyrical, wherein you can actually hear the lulling song of the sentences in a rhythm. One of my favorite works that does this is Deep sea baby by @smallblip. Here she makes use of various setting and scenery to create this entire atmosphere of Levi and Hange’s relationship:

Hanji knows whatever life they've led, this is her favourite.

The one in which her and Levi see the sea for the first time together.

The one in which she’s the Commander, and him, her Captain. And between them, a river of words left unsaid threatening to break the banks.

One day they must cross the ocean, but today they visit the shores again, without the kids this time. And Levi learns why when he watches her peel at her clothes. Her harness comes off first, then her blouse, then everything else, like a little dance for an audience of one. Levi tries not to stare, but he’s already seen her by candlelight in the dead of the night. And yet she never fails to take his breath away.

She makes her way to where the white foams dredge the past up the shores of the present.

"Come on Levi! The water is warm!" she says, and he hears it like a call to come home- where the heavens collide with the sea.

He takes off his clothes and folds them in a neat pile beside Hanji's mess. He swims out to join her.

It’s hauntingly poetic, the way the author is able to connect the metaphor in “a river of words” to the actual body of water right in front of Levi and Hange. Good poetic language is able to tighten up the texts together while keeping the sentence structure flowing with apt figures of speech.

When it comes to narratives, it only comes down to linear or non-linear. See how @lostcauses-noregrets does her opening statement in Trains (also an Eruri fic):

Levi hates trains. To be fair, Levi hates all forms of public transport, but he reserves a particular loathing for trains. They’re dirty, noisy, smelly and worse, filled with people. People who, heaven forbid, might attempt to speak to Levi, engage him in conversation. Levi’s worst nightmare is being stuck on a train with some friendly fuck who wants to pass the time making small talk. Admittedly it’s not a problem he has to deal with too often, his general fuck off demeanour deters all but the most aggressively friendly and hopelessly inebriated. But that doesn’t stop Levi from hating trains.

It’s a short fic and it’s very dependent on the linearity of events happening. But with that banger of a first sentence, the beginning already gives you enough of an idea of Levi’s pet peeve in the story, which in this case, is trains.

Here’s another hot and steamy fic called keep him waiting by keobuns that shows a linear narrative:

He’s sitting with them in the back of the lab, nursing a cup of tea — it’s still pretty full, and even cold now, for he was far too distracted listening to Hanji talk to properly drink — when he sees it. Hanji’s too preoccupied with overexplaining the same Titan experiment they’ve gone over a hundred times to notice his stare. They just continue on and on and on, gesturing with their hands, pointing with their fingers, flexing their wrists…

Ah. Levi has to bring his teacup to his lips to hide the way his lips tremble. Hanji has incredibly nice hands.

The entire story just revolves around Levi simping for Hange’s hands and how it all goes down from there. But you as a reader are kept wanting more with every paragraph and every sentence that the author constructs (and trust me, it’s not just the sexual tension between Levi and Hange that keeps us going).

Now, as much as I love the straightforwardness of linear prose, non-linear writing brings a different round of ideas onto the table. It can create recollections from flashbacks, heighten the perspective or interior turmoil of a character due to trauma or grief, or even just re-invent what-if scenes that the characters have imagined themselves.

Gnossiene by @thatalmondgirl is one of my all-time favorite Rivetra fics. In this excerpt, you will see how she switches between the past and the present, and how it affects Petra’s POV as a conflicted character:

Contrary to popular belief (fuck Auruo) Petra actually didn’t cry easily.

Alright, she could admit that at some times, she was...emotional. It was far from a weakness, but even she could admit that they sometimes got in the way and walled off all rational thought. Anger, frustration, sadness, hell, even happiness. The only one she could easily compartmentalise away was fear, which probably stemmed from her military career. Even so. It was never easy to separate all the others from her actions, think from a clean slate like the Commander could do, like the captain. [. . . ] Petra groaned, splayed out across her bed. She drew her arm across her eyes, willing the tears to go away. She’d already blown through her tissue box.

“Petra, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” Mama sat on the end of her bed, with Petra on the floor between her legs. Even though Petra argued firmly that she was old enough to brush her own hair, Mama had insisted. Unfortunately, Petra wasn’t old enough - and probably never would be - to disagree with her mother.

“I know, Mama.” Petra grumbled.

“I don’t think you do. Else you wouldn’t be crying, would you?”

[. . . .]

“But a man shouldn’t complete you when you complete yourself. Maybe he’s an extension to your house. So you’ll be sad if the extension is compromised or burns down. But you still have the main house. And if it’s strong, the main house can still be standing even after the worst storm.”

Aside from Mama’s crazy metaphors that sometimes didn’t make sense, her message hit home. Even if it hit home years later.

See how it switched in between the before and after?

An off-shoot of non-linear writing are vignettes (a layering of scenes separated by section breaks) wherein this writing style allows writers to curate scenes in terms of fragments, creating some kind of mosaic for the readers once they finally see the big picture. Nakimochiku’s I’m leaving, are you coming with me? stacks up scenes of interactions between Levi and Hange, enough to depict the kind of relationship that they have as young lovers in a school setting. You can string these fragments together, rearrange them in a different order, but in the end, you will still get the author's clear goal of highlighting how Levi and Hange’s relationship develops over time.

Those are the styles that I mentioned in my previous posts, but as I’ve told you, there’s more to writing than those, so I’ll give a short run-through of other methods in writing.

Whether it’s dialogue-heavy works such as from my window to yours, or action-driven scenes like Carnivores (a Levi x Reader fic by CaptainDegenerate) that propel the story forward, we as readers should be able to follow through the actual storyline that the authors intend to take us.

A third-person limited (we listen to Hange’s thoughts in Clockwork by @tundrainafrica) vis-à-vis an all-knowing/omniscient narration (the moon is dark by @sayonarasanity alternates the perspective of Levi and Hange) should be able to make us understand why the author chose this particular kind of point-of-view in order to tell the story.

And lastly, having a solid and consistent tone throughout the work (the macabre of Even Humanity’s Strongest could make mistakes by Rimeko versus the sweet sentimentality of Flowers for You by @fanmoose12) should be able to set the atmosphere that the authors want us to imbibe as we read through their works.

So there’s your crash course on writing and reading. Enjoy? :)

#levihan #writing #fanfic #fanfictions #fanfiction #ao3 #djmarinizela #mine

49 notes · View notes

halsteadpd · 3 years

Text

The Beginning

A/N: Yes, I know. Another new fic lmao. I'm really going to discipline myself with this idea because I really liked it but as I began writing I started losing my confidence. I plan for it to be four chapters and maybe one day there will be a sequel, but we'll just have to wait and see.

XXXXXXXXX

The ambiance of the bar is cozy and inviting—a contrast to the ice cold beer that goes down his throat. The warm lights glow above him and other patrons laugh as they unwind from a long day at work. It’s one of his favourite places to go—the people are always the same and the alcohol is reasonably priced; it's one of the few constants in his life. He’s been here for a couple hours now—he wanted to catch up with a few friends from high school before he was shipped off for deployment again.

His first tour was long; he had been gone for two years in a region of Iraq before he was allowed to return home. There were days where he was sure he would die—so many of his friends had made that ultimate sacrifice so many days he thought he would too. There were countless days where he was lucky to come out of a recon mission with just a few scratches here and there.

However, being away from everyone and everything he knew probably brought him to one of the lowest points in his life. The weekly letters that arrived for him kept his spirits up but it was nothing compared to seeing her in flesh and blood. Jay wouldn’t admit that it scared him knowing that he may never see her again if something were to happen—but it was always a thought in his mind while on base and in the villages. There was no telling when they would be ambushed or shelled; his life could end in a split second. Nonetheless, knowing that he had someone waiting for him when he returned home motivated Jay to fight and survive through everyday. He had to do it for her.

They were high school sweethearts and got engaged a few years after graduating. Jay had started school on a pre-med path—one pushed onto him by his father since it was family tradition for the Halstead men—but after a few years, Jay realized medicine wasn’t for him. Instead, he dropped out of school after getting his bachelor’s degree and enlisted in the army, much to the dismay of both his father and fiancee. She had always joked around with him that they’d get tired of being around each other if they worked in the same hospital—a doctor and a nurse. But they never got to live in that hypothetical and soon Jay was being shipped off for his first tour.

“Alright guys, I’m gonna head home.” Jay said, melancholy in his voice. He knew this tour was only six months—a drastic difference compared to his first tour—but the sadness of being away from home was all the same. Leaving was always the worst. There was no promise of coming back. He gave his friends a hug before slipping on his leather jacket and walking into the cool Chicago night. They had met up at a bar near his place so he had decided to walk instead of bringing his vehicle—something he regretted as he blew into his hands for some semblance of warmth.

By the time he arrived outside his apartment door ten minutes later, his hands shook slightly. The heat of the building was inviting and he couldn’t wait to crawl into bed and wrap his arms around his fiancee—something that he wouldn’t be able to do in a couple days time. After struggling for a few seconds with the key, he was finally able to let himself into the apartment and closed the door behind him.

“Babe?” Jay called out when he didn’t immediately hear or see her. The lights weren’t on and it wasn’t too late in the evening. They were both night owls so the sight in front of him was odd. He knew she was home from work since he saw her car parked outside before he made his way into the building. When she didn’t come to greet him as she usually did, he assumed she had gone to bed early and made his way to the bedroom.

Jay smiled as he turned the corner to the room and noticed his fiancee standing at the dresser. Her back was turned to him and her dirty blonde curls fell evenly across her shoulders as she looked down at whatever was in her hand. She didn’t seem to sense him in the room yet so Jay quietly moved across the space and slid his arms around her waist. He felt her jump in surprise a bit before she realized it was him.

“I missed you.” Jay said as he pressed a kiss on her cheek. When he heard her sniffle in response he instantly knew something was wrong. “Babe, what’s wrong?” He turned her around to face him, noticing the tear tracks on her cheeks. Her mascara was running under her eyes and when she didn’t immediately speak, Jay felt his heart starting to beat faster.

“Jay… I can’t do this anymore.” She wiped her tears away, only for them to be replaced.

“What do you mean? Do what?” Jay asked hastily, his body reacting due to the increase of anxiety. “I don’t understand.”

“I never signed up for this.”

“Sign up for what? Ava I don’t understand what you’re saying.” Jay had no clue what his fiancee was talking about. The last few months while he had been home from his tour had probably been the best of his life. There were a lot of laughs, a lot of fun adventures and experiences, and a lot of great sex. He really felt like their relationship solidified in the last bit. They were planning on the next steps of their life. Had he been blind to the turmoil she was experiencing?

“I can’t sit around here anymore, waiting for you to come home safe all the time.” Ava said, breathing hard to catch her breath. “I never know if I’ll get to see you again or if someone will be knocking on the door to tell me you died.” Ava moved to sit down on the bed, not trusting her legs to hold her weight anymore. “Every time someone knocks and I’m not expecting anyone my heart drops. I can’t do this again.”

Jay stood dumbfounded as he watched his fiancee unravel before him. He hadn’t noticed anything wrong since he returned—but then he realized that he was a different man when he came back. He wasn’t the same—it had been two years since he was gone. He could sometimes see Ava being receptive to his new personality and at times she was careful around him. It was as if she was interacting with a completely different man—not her fiance that had left two years prior. Were the past few months all a dream?

He knew it wasn’t fair to Ava that he decided on a career that would force him away from her. All throughout their relationship she assumed he’d always be around and that they would soon be working together before settling down. They had it all planned out since high school. When he decided on enlisting he did feel a bit guilty—it wasn’t part of the plan. But plans often change and now Jay was realizing Ava wasn’t liking this new path they were on.

He couldn’t find the words to describe what he was feeling. It was all so sudden and shocking and he couldn’t perceive all the emotions at once. When she moved off the bed and made her way towards the duffel bags on the floor, Jay got desperate. She couldn’t leave him; she was his lifeline.

“Ava, please.” He begged, his voice cracking. “We can figure something out. Please don’t do this.” Jay watched as she slid his mother’s ring off her left hand. As a last ditch effort—out of despair—he began to beg. “You’re all I have! Please don’t do this. There’s nobody else in my life!”

“Jay… I have to. I-I can’t stay with you.” After forcing the ring into his hand, Ava softly kissed his tear stained cheek. “Goodbye Jay.”

XXXXXXXXXX

She really left.

Jay couldn’t believe it. How had he not noticed anything?! Was she really that unhappy in their relationship that she would walk out instead of talking it through? Irrationally, he went towards the closet and ensuite, wanting to confirm that she actually took all her stuff. There wasn’t a single article of clothing she left behind; the makeup that was usually littered all over the countertop was spotless; and the only products that remained in the shower were his.

Out of anger, he smashed his hand into the mirror, watching the shards fall into the sink. When he looked back up, the mirror resembled a cobweb more than anything else. His hand pulsated as the cuts on his knuckles began to bleed.

More than anything at the moment, he needed a drink.

As he made his way out of the ensuite, the silence of the apartment encapsulated him. Generally, music would be playing in the background as Jay and Ava cooked or the TV would be turned on as they cuddled on the couch. Memories of the past few months flooded his mind and it was at that moment the gravity of the situation really weighed in on him.

He was truly alone.

Jay’s not sure how long he sits on the couch—the hard liquor burns his throat which brings an onset of tears in his eyes. He’s not sure if he’s crying because of the alcohol or because of what happened—maybe it’s a mixture of both. It’s still quiet around him, and as the night grows old, the city settles and turns dark.

Eventually, he passes out cold on the couch, the half empty bottle forgotten.

Jay was blissfully unaware of the events that transpired the night prior up until he opened his eyes and the Chicago sunlight aggravated his growing headache. Groaning, Jay pushed himself up on the couch into a sitting position and took in the apartment. In the darkness last night, he hadn’t noticed that Ava had also taken her photographs from the mantle and books from the shelves either side of the TV. She left the images of them together from over the years and he couldn’t help but feel like he got punched in the gut—she really didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

Everything looked and felt so foreign.

Slowly, Jay shuffled into the bathroom and made his way into the shower—letting the steaming water rain over his body. His hand stung the second water touched it, reminding him of the mess awaiting him in the sink. The scalding water eased the aches and pain in his muscles and relieved his building headache slightly. He knew he needed to get food and water in him if he wanted to be functional that day so he turned the tap off and tied a towel around his waist.

Taking in the sight of the mirror in the aftermath of his anger, all Jay could do was shake his head. He let his anger get the best of him—he had never acted so rashly. As he cleaned the mirror scraps, he realized that he didn’t have many options as to what he could do. The world wouldn’t stop and wait for him to get his life back on track—he was deploying for his tour in two days. As much as it hurt, he couldn’t dwell about Ava now.

Not if he wanted to make it home alive.

Through the hangover, Jay slowly packed his bag and got his fatigues ready for his flight the next day. He went throughout the apartment and plugged out appliances and electronics before returning to the bedroom. He slowly sat down on the bed after finishing his night time routine. It was early but he wanted to be rested for his flight. He confirmed his alarm on his watch before noticing his wallet on the bedside table.

Grabbing the wallet, he opened it and pulled out the photo he kept from one of the pockets. It’s something he always carried for good luck; it was something he used to get him home safe. Anytime things overseas began to get difficult, he would pull out the photo of Ava and take in her shimmering blue eyes and bright smile. That smile had reassured him for years now but it didn’t bring him any sort of comfort looking at it now.

Defeated, Jay slid the photo back into his wallet before tossing it near the rest of his stuff. He turned off the bedside lamp before climbing into bed—the aftermath of the last 24 hours had exhausted him. Soon enough, he was fast asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The airport was bustling with energy from travellers both domestic and international. It reminds him of when he was coming home after his first tour—how the noise and rapidity of everything slowly squeezed all the air out of his chest. There was too much stimuli back then but he didn’t tell anyone. Surly a man who had just been in a war would find comfort in being home.

He makes his way over to the security line up and patiently waits. His eyes take in as much as they can because soon, he’ll be in an area that isn’t so modern and developed; he’ll be somewhere deep in a desert.

After Jay finishes at the security checkpoint, he makes his way to his gate where he is met with a few others who will also be on deployment with him. Their first stop will be in Germany where their post orders will be confirmed before flying into Afghanistan—the epicentre of the war.

As Jay sits in the seat—mindlessly listening to the conversation of his colleagues—his mind travels to the image in his wallet. His anxiety has been heightened ever since he left his apartment that morning. He was expecting Ava to be there to send him off that morning, but his whole world had come crashing down two days ago. Instead, he took a taxi to the airport and walked alone without anyone by his side like the first time.

He’s staring at the photo again when his group is called to board the plane—nobody said anything to him about it and he was glad. Jay wasn’t prepared to explain that his fiancee had left him right before his tour.

As they stand in line with their passports and boarding passes ready, Jay makes an impulsive decision.

He rips the photo into shreds and discards it into the trash can near the door.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The heat in Afghanistan is a lot different compared to Iraq. During midday—when the sun is at its highest—it’s blistering. Jay knows to appreciate the heat because closer to the end of his six month tour, winter will have arrived and he’ll be craving the heat instead. During the winter months all they have is fire to keep them warm; but for most of the day during missions, they rely on their equipment for heat.

Since he touched down, he’s kept his head down. He does what he’s told and keeps his mind on the job every second. Rarely does his mind travel back to home—and consequently, her. Anytime he sees her face in his mind—her blue eyes shining bright—he silently berates himself and focuses back on his task. He’s been praised and used as an example often by his superiors; if only they knew of the commotion going on inside his head.

Everyday is the same, it's mundane: wake up, get food, get ready for the day’s mission, return to base, food, sleep. Sundays are his off days which he dreads, because when he’s not busy or on a mission, his mind gets time to think about other things.

Today seems like the worst day.

He’s finishing a set on the bench press and sits up to rest. The makeshift gym in a war is nothing compared to what it’s like at home. There’s no luxury of having actual equipment or machines. Instead, much of their equipment is concrete slabs that are moulded into looking like plates and dumbbells. It’s not ideal but it keeps the soldiers fit—it’s all they can ask for.

He’s breathing hard after taxing his chest muscles but he’s not concentrating on the workout well. Instead, his mind is fixed on his ex-fiancee. He still can’t wrap his head around the idea of her leaving him. What did he do wrong? Everything seemed fine while he was home—she was happy.

Maybe it was all a facade and Jay had fooled himself into thinking the last few months had been great.

Huffing out an annoyed and angry breath, he lies back down on the bench and starts his next set.

XXXXXXXXX

Please leave me a review! It definitely helps get the writing gears going. And let me know what you think of the idea!

#linstead #linstead fanfiction #linstead fanfic #linstead ff #linstead for life #jay halstead #Jesse Lee Soffer #erin lindsay #sophia bush #one chicago #chicago pd au #chicago pd #chicago pd ff #chicago pd fanfiction

34 notes · View notes

chillyravenart · 4 years

Note

since people were asking u for ur opinions, what is ur opinion on androw and elissa farman? im so conflicted over them both bc i love rhaena but at the same time, at least in elissas case i kinda see why she did what she did :// grrm is truly great with morally grey characters

Let me start by saying, I ADORE Rhaena Targaryen with every fibre of my being. I love that badass, she never put a foot wrong in her life and oh how I wish her life could have been easier on her... but alas, George loves kicking you when you’re down lmao. If I'm going to be completely honest, the Farmans really f*cked Rhaena over in the long run lmao but I shall try and explore a little bit deeper into Rhaena’s relationships with both of them: Androw the neglected husband and Elissa, the adventurous lover. It’s fairly simple to examine both their motives, they did what they did because of personal ambition as well as revenge, but as we know, it wasn’t as straightforward as that. I shall add a cut below because this post might be long and rambling as usual, so I beg forgiveness in advance!

I will preface this however by saying that I’m really glad Rhaena was able to find love with Elissa Farman after a period of turmoil and unhappiness in her life. Androw unfortunately was just a cover, and younger than Rhaena too so it’s understandable that he may have been entranced and besotted with the idea of marrying a Targaryen princess as reputable as Rhaena. Androw was unassuming and wasn’t the typical martial lord like his father or brother,

at his own father’s court there were those who scorned him as “half a girl” himself, for he was soft of speech and gentle of nature...

We all know the type of person Rhaena was however, she was firm and stern, had lost her brother/husband Aegon to Maegor, been married to Maegor and had her daughters taken from her, had escaped him and had generally endured a great deal up until then.

Later, when asked why she had chosen such an unpromising spouse, Rhaena Targaryen replied, “He was kind to me.”

It’s completely understandable why Rhaena should seek comfort and solace outside of the royal court and King’s Landing in general. Similarly, Rhaena had always found the company of her female companions much more desirable and is largely implied to lesbian-coded. She had enjoyed the company of Melony Piper and Samantha Stokeworth as a girl, and found the same affinity for Elissa.

“The queen found her true love on Fair Isle,” Maester Smike wrote to the Citadel, “not with Androw, but with his sister, Lady Elissa.”

Elissa on the other hand was vivacious and outgoing, fond of dogs, horses, and sailing. She dreamed of sailing beyond the Sunset Sea and had ended both her betrothals too. Rhaena was similar in spirit, she too had been fond of animals and enjoyed flying her dragon Dreamfyre.

In Rhaena Targaryen, however, she found a like-minded companion, and in her the queen found a new confidant.

Going back to Androw, he was never really included amongst Rhaena’s circle, despite being her husband as stated in Fire and Blood

Androw Farman, Rhaena’s new husband, was admitted to their circle from time to time, but never so often as to be taken for a fifth head. Most tellingly, Queen Rhaena never took him flying with her on the back of her dragon, Dreamfyre, an adventure she shared frequently with the ladies Elissa, Alayne, and Sam...

I’m going to try and condense the next few years as concisely as possible for fear of rambling too much, but in the long run, Androw was never taken seriously as Rhaena’s husband and was ridiculed by lords and ladies alike. People doubted the fact that his marriage to Rhaena had been consummated at all. Back on Dragonstone,

His wife was still a queen, but no one mistook Androw for a king, or even a lord consort.

Meanwhile, Rhaena held her court at Dragonstone as the Queen in the East and remained in the company of her own companions, as well as new ones from the surrounding regions. Her cousin Lianna Velaryon soon became a favourite too, and her story soon became intertwined with the fall of Androw Farman (pun intended lmao) but let’s focus on Elissa for a while.

Lady Elissa was no happier on Dragonstone than Aerea herself, however; she missed her wide western seas and spoke often of returning to them.

Elissa, true to spirit, wasn’t going to sit around at court her whole life, and desired adventure and travel as she always had done.

Denied any part of the incomes of Fair Isle by her brother Lord Franklyn, Elissa asked the Dowager Queen for gold sufficient to build a new ship in the shipyards of Driftmark, a large, swift vessel meant to sail the Sunset Sea. Rhaena denied her request. “I could not bear for you to leave me,” she said, but Lady Elissa heard only, “No.”

Already, the cracks were appearing and the discord was sowed. Elissa took her leave of Rhaena,

She had heard the sea calling, she told Queen Rhaena; it was time for her to take her leave. Never one to make a show of her emotions, the Queen in the East received the news stone-faced. “I have asked you to stay,” she said. “I will not beg. If you would go, go.”

Rhaena was proud but I cannot deny that losing her lover would have been an immense blow to her, especially since her life of privacy and companionship was about to be taken apart at the seams in the aftermath of Elissa’s departure. This is when the dragon eggs went missing, and it became very clear that Elissa had made off with them to fund her voyage.

If this betrayal by one she had loved wounded Rhaena Targaryen she hid it well, but there was no hiding her fury...

This would have been a huge betrayal for Rhaena. She had placed her trust and love with someone who had clearly desired a different path, which is fine, but to have that paired with the theft of a priceless and potentially dangerous object would have been an added blow. Dragon eggs were strictly a Targaryen possession, something personal and almost sacred to the them. They had been coveted by Lyman Lannister during her stay with him at Casterly Rock, and despite his support and the refuge he had given her, dragon eggs were off the cards. Notwithstanding the fact that the theft by someone Rhaena had loved and the potential for those eggs to reach the wrong hands... This situation only made the relationship between Rhaena and Androw worse.

She even went so far as to summon her husband, Androw Farman, demanding to know if he had been complicit in his sister’s crime. His denials only goaded her to more rage, until their shouts could be heard echoing through the halls of Dragonstone.

Androw himself was affected by his sister’s departure, not to mention the fact that Rhaena’s fury made him a culprit in her eyes too.

Androw Farman’s discontent on Dragonstone only grew worse after his sister’s departure. Lady Elissa had been his closest friend, mayhaps his only friend, Culiper observed, and despite his tearful denials, Rhaena found it hard to accept that he had played no role in the matter of her dragon eggs.

Their relationship deteriorated further and further at this point. When Rhaena meant to fly to Storm’s End, Androw was excluded from the trip.

As her husband, he said, his place was at Rhaena’s side, to give her comfort. The queen had refused him, however, and not gently. A loud argument had preceded her departure, and Her Grace was heard to say, “The wrong Farman ran away.” Her marriage, never passionate, had become a mummer’s farce by 54 AC. “And not an entertaining one,” Lady Alayne Royce observed.

Again after Elissa’s departure, Rhaena disassociated from Androw further, particularly when it came to dealing with the matter of the stolen eggs. She clearly did not want him around, nor did she care for his input.

When Rhaena flew to King’s Landing to inform King Jaehaerys of the theft, Androw had offered to accompany her. His wife refused him scornfully. “What would that serve? What could you possibly do but fall off the dragon?”

When her mother, Queen Alyssa died in childbed, Rhaena’s fury was famously unleashed upon Rogar Baratheon (it’s what he deserved too lmao).

By the time Rhaena returned from her mother’s deathbed, he was well past any desire to comfort her. Sullen and cold, he sat silent at meals and avoided the queen’s company elsewise. If Rhaena Targaryen was troubled by his sulks, she gave little sign of it. She found consolation in her ladies instead, in old friends like Samantha Stokeworth and Alayne Royce, and newer companions like her cousin Lianna Velaryon, Lord Staunton’s pretty daughter Cassella, and young Septa Maryam.

Androw at this point, began concocting his revenge and the mysterious “sickness” that took Rhaena’s companions proved to be poison. Alayne Royce, Septa Maryam and even Samantha Stokeworth all died in quick succession leaving Rhaena bereft. Lianna Velaryon, Rhaena’s cousin also perished in Rhaena’s arms as she wept bitterly.

“You weep for her,” Androw Farman said when he saw the tears on his wife’s face, “but would you weep for me?” His words woke a fury in the queen. Lashing him across the face, Rhaena commanded him to leave her, declaring that she wanted to be alone. “You shall be,” Androw said. “She was the last of them.”

When it was discovered that poison was the reason behind all the deaths, Rhaena realised who the culprit was and had her men search for Androw.

He made no attempt to deny the poisonings. Instead he boasted. “I brought them cups of wine, and they drank. They thanked me, and they drank. Why not? A cupbearer, a serving man, that’s how they saw me. Androw the sweet. Androw the jape. What could I do, but fall off the dragon? Well, I could have done a lot of things. I could have been a lord. I could have made laws and been wise and given you counsel. I could have killed your enemies, as easily as I killed your friends. I could have given you children.”

His motives were very clear and to a degree, understandable, but seriously, what a PUNK move. tired of being ridiculed and ignored, Androw had taken his fury out on Rhaena’s friend instead of confronting her or dealing with her directly and that, in my eyes, is a bitch move indeed. I can totally see his side in this, but Rhaena had faced so much adversity in her life, the loss of her daughter Aerea, her mother, her lover had just culminated into a deep pit of heartbreak and Androw’s “revenge” was just the cherry on top. When Rhaena commanded his execution, Androw took matters into his own hands one last time.

And so saying, he slashed ineffectually at the nearest man, backed to the window behind him, and leapt out. His flight was a short one: downward, to his death. Afterward Rhaena Targaryen had his body hacked to pieces and fed to her dragons.

I mean, it’s what he deserved.

The remainder of Rhaena’s life ended up being a lonely affair. Losing everyone she loved, particularly Aerea was the last straw for her I guess, and she withdrew from the public eye even further, and left Dragonstone too.

It was a melancholy time. Dragonstone was still hers if she wanted it, Jaehaerys told his sister, but Rhaena refused that as well. “There is nothing there for me now but grief and ghosts.”

It just makes me so heartbroken for her. I’m not going to pull a PooR BaBy a la Tumblr and call her a tragic and downtrodden woman in the conventional sense lol but her life was a very tough one, and would have broken a weaker person. Rhaena Targaryen was STRONG. As she said so herself, she was much like Visenya and doesn’t need our pity, but there’s no denying that Rhaena really got the short end of the stick. She absolutely did not deserve those betrayals. You’re absolutely right in calling Elissa and Androw grey characters, which they are in various degrees. I think they create the conflict and heartbreak very well in the life of Rhaena Targaryen, love, loss blood and betrayal all woven in expertly by George as always. I really wish Rhaena could have found love and peace with Elissa, and lived out her life amongst her beloved friends but alas, that was not to be. Anyway, these were my opinions on both Elissa and Androw, I hope this answer was somewhat helpful!

#anon asks #chillyravenart answers #rhaena targaryen #elissa farman #androw farman

62 notes · View notes

kerra-and-company · 3 years

Note

I’d be very curious to hear about timeline 10 👀 (also don’t worry about sending me one lol, I honestly still have asks from this set I keep forgetting to answer so I’m still working through it myself ^^;)

Gotcha gotcha lol, and thanks so much for the ask! :D @mystery-salad

10. the timeline in which something big to them never happened.

Ooh boy, okay. I have many thoughts on this, so we’re doing it for Kerra and Ari. I was going to do more characters, but this got super long and I have homework, so we’re sticking to those two for now. Under a cut because as mentioned before, this got kinda long lmao. Spoilers for pretty much the entire story, up to and including Icebrood.

Kerra: If we take her as the focal character for this, a major event in her life was the discovery that her Wyld Hunt was “wrong”--the Dream wasn’t telling her to go after Zhaitan, but another dragon (who turned out to be Mordremoth). If that wasn’t true--if her Wyld Hunt was actually Zhaitan--she would have stayed with the Pact after his defeat and continued to help Orr or wherever else the Pact was focused. She might never have met most of Dragon’s Watch, and she probably wouldn’t have participated in the majority of LWS1 unless called on by Logan, Rytlock, or Eir. In that case, she’d have joined as an outsider, clearly known to be the Commander, and it would have taken Braham longer to warm up to her (esp. if she came on Eir’s recommendation).

Additionally, the events in spiral are prompted by Kerra’s realization that she had a different Hunt than she thought, but the majority of the emotions she exhibits there are still tendencies she had prior to that. She felt immensely guilty for every death caused on her watch, and she felt like she had to be perfect. Without that realization, she’d keep trying to be perfect, and she’d push herself to the limit to do so. Her new breaking point would be at the end of LWS2 with the reveal of the Pale Tree and Caithe’s Mordremoth secret, and it would be absolutely terrible timing. She wouldn’t be able to run, so she’d have to keep fighting while desperately needing space to process or, at the very least, someone to tell her why, if she’s been perfect, her Mother and her sister kept lying to her. And, as she is still very much actually with the Pact in this AU, there’s a high chance that she would have been on the Glory of Tyria at Trahearne’s side when the fleet was brought down. And if captured by Mordremoth (likely, since all of the leadership on that ship was), she’d have been stuck in a blighting pod, too.

There’s two ways that could go: one, considering her emotional turmoil at this point, she could be more vulnerable to Mordremoth and therefore be turned Mordrem. She’d be an absolute terror as a dragon minion (or champion), and a lot more lives would be lost, if the dragon was ever defeated at all. Two (the happier version), she could be forced to fight for herself, thereby forcing her to at least slightly accept herself if she doesn’t want to die. She’d make it out of the pod, weak and her physical form slightly altered but still very much her. Funnily enough, it might actually be easier for her to save Trahearne in this AU--she’s been touched by Mordremoth’s corruption and could force her way into his mind on her own. And after the dragon was defeated, whatever form that ended up taking, she’d make her way to Caithe and Tarir and meet still-in-the-egg Aurene. She’d be Champion, but the road would be rougher, and more people would die.

(On a less main-story note, this also would push Kerra getting involved with her partners way farther down the line, probably to PoF at the earliest and the end of LWS4 at the latest (and therefore pushing her sprouts’ birthdays down the line, too). And she’d actually be a lot closer to Caithe here. Having firsthand felt just about the strongest pressure the dragon had to offer and knowing your sister felt it too tends to bond you, and in this AU it also makes Kerra forgive her much more readily.)

Ari: Her biggest event would be Weylon’s betrayal, hands down. Without that, her warband would have stayed together, and her ‘bandmate Pol would still be alive. None of them would have joined any of the Orders for a while, so they’d have kept running missions for Ash against the Flame Legion and the Branded. Ari would have learned to drive tanks, not airships. Pol would eventually have been headhunted by the Priory around the time the Pact was targeting Kralkatorrik, so they all would have gone to Thunderhead Peaks and then Dragonfall. Brook probably would have joined the Crystal Bloom, and Casca would have joined as well, for them.

On one level, it’d be really hard for Ari. On another, at least it would be an amicable parting (unlike in the main canon), which is definitely not nothing. She’d find a new home fighting with Almorra--in this AU, she’d join the Vigil, not Whispers--and she’d keep in touch with her ‘band as much as possible. Weylon and Lifa would fight with Ari until Kralkatorrik’s death and then rejoin the legions. In this version of canon, both of them would be swayed by Bangar’s “one charr” crap, and they’d end up with Dominion. In the main canon, it’s only Lifa who does--Weylon’s firmly Flame Legion. However, both of them are also much more likely to be talked out of it in this AU (probably by Ari and Pol), so there’s a good chance they leave before being turned Frost Legion under Ryland.

Ari would meet Cio in Drizzlewood, the Vigil recruit learning to fly choppers and the Priory engineer who knows how to fix them. It’d be a much different first meeting; here, they’d hit it off right away, though it’d still take them a while to fall for each other.

#gw2 #kerralind #ari stormshield #thanks so much for the ask! :D #kerra's big thing would change the overall timeline #ari's would mainly change her own life and that of her warband #but they're both big shifts for sure #foxholemonster #mystery-salad

2 notes · View notes

coffeeandcalligraphy · 4 years

Text

Good Eyes | Writing Update

Hey People of Earth!

Ya girl is back for another MOTH WORK writing update, and this time we’re talking about chapter eleven, aka GOOD EYES. Just a reminder before we get started that I do have a Moth Work tab if y’all want to binge all the updates/catch up on ones you missed! Check it out HERE.

This chapter is a bit of a special one, as it’s the final chapter in Lonan’s POV!

If y’all have been following the updates since before August-ish, you would know that before this, I covered mostly Harrison’s emotional turmoil lmao, but spontaneously decided to add another POV because this is my guilty pleasures project and I wanted to! This POV is Lonan’s.

I really struggled toward the end of writing Lonan’s chapters, and I felt this was the POV’s fault. After chapter six, I couldn’t really sink my teeth into his head, and really raced to the finish line to get back to Harrison. In reality, this was actually me not understanding that the disconnect was because I wasn’t embracing the style the book wanted to be. HOWEVER, since finishing his POV (and the entire book << as I am editing this post), I am! sad! I do miss his Lonanisms.

GOOD EYES is split into four scenes. They go as follows (cw: drug addiction, alcoholism):

Scene A:

After Lonan’s relapse in the previous chapter, good ol’ Eliza takes him to the hospital she works at so he can finally get some professional help.

Lonan is in the waiting room and all is going well! Until a lady he doesn't know accuses him of wearing her son’s guardian angel chain + jacket and OOP the tea is that he is!

The woman who sees him in the waiting room is Harrison’s mother, Suzanna. I’ve planned her since I was 15 and never had a project to put her in so it was WILD to finally write her! She’s an AA leader.

Scene B:

Direct continuation of the last scene, except this time Lonan is shook

He’s heard many stories about Suzanna and the last place he expects her to be is here!

He pulls a Lonan and attempts to yeet away from that situation lol (does not work)

Scene C:

We start with Lonan recounting a story Harrison once told him about a knife. He’s thinking about this because he’s helping Suzanna chop vegetables. They’ve since moved back to Eliza’s apartment.

(CW: blood, accidental injury) Lonan cuts himself accidentally and Suzanna jumps at the opportunity to mother him. Her motherly disposition shakes him (he ain’t expecting this).

(CW: abuse) This scene is where this chapter gets its title. Suzanna compliments Lonan’s eyes (which he believes are his worst feature as they’re the physical factor that most closely resembles his father) and calls them “good eyes”. This is the first time he’s considered his eyes as anything but reminders of his abusive father, and is one of the gentlest things I’ve written ahhhhh. Though Suz isn’t in this book for very long, I do think her presence has a profound effect on Lonan who has never had a healthy parental relationship. (AKA we need more!!)

Scene D:

A pretty short scene!

Our girl Eliza gets home after work, and is lowkey amazed that Lonan has helped cook dinner (me too lmaooo)

Lonan is really feeling his work--he out here setting tables, folding napkins, feeling like he could be a wedding planner. In the middle of his #MasterChefMoment, the doorbell rings

And in dramatic fashion guess who on the other side of the door lool

It’s Harrison hahahaha the chapter ends on a cliffhanger hahaaha I feel 13 again!

I really like this chapter! It has some really interesting character work particularly between Suz and Lonan as we get to see two sides of both that we never really do--vulnerability. I wrote this chapter over the first weekend I moved back to school after break and it was such a lovely experience. A really nice, meditative chapter that I really needed. It was the perfect way to leave Lonan’s head.

Excerpts:

(CW: The next two excerpts deal with betta fish fighting)

This is a description of the betta fish in the waiting room that Lonan watches that is totally not an explicit metaphor for his relationship with Harrison def not I have 100% not used this metaphor in another story called Fishbowl starring the two of them noooo should this book have been called “it’s all a metaphor for fighter fish” maybeeee:

The waiting room is fluorescent and empty, the only movement the irregular swish of fighter fish across a fish tank. He read somewhere it’s never a good idea to keep two together, but in the tank they circle. One is pale and translucent like diluted bone, its silk tail fluttering with each jag through the water. The next is a shift of blueness that opalizes with each peck at the water’s surface. They synchronize before one flits its tail so the other jitters toward the glass. It’s a mistake they’ve been put together—they will only kill each other in time.

(I’m a real sucker for betta fish as I had many as a child but Meatball was my #1 right hand man [and the reason why I always seem to describe every betta fish as blue] who lived the longest and I miss him to this day I 100% never ever put two males together tho do not do that!!!)

Here’s another I’m including this because my favourite thing Lonan has ever said in response to someone’s *confusion* is “I need to see a doctor” lmao mooooood (tw: some violent imagery here):

“They shouldn’t be in there together,” he says. His head like the impact of a skipping rock. The rings. He raises his hand when she says nothing, and points to the fish. He doesn’t know which one will die, just that one will.

“You’re wearing his things,” she says.

“They’re going to kill each other.”

“The fish?”

The last time he saw him. The rain. The motel. The neon light eating them both slowly. The things Lonan said—purposefully so he could make a clean getaway. Things that made Harrison wince like Lonan had just bitten his wrist and was holding him there to bleed out.

“I think so.”

Suzanna turns to look at the fish, and then turns back to him. The vacancy in her face is gone—she’s swollen with confusion.

The fire. The dark room. How he knows each ridge of Harrison’s teeth, each metacarpal, each vertebra, each rib, like they’re his own, like they were carved out of the same thing.

“I need to see a doctor.”

(^^ also this whole knowing every bone thing was supposed to be romantic but sounds more like necromancyyy hahaaaaaha Lonan’s bone kink EXPOSED)

Here’s another! TW: blood!! Here’s some description of Lonan accidentally cutting his hand + some Lonan x Suzanna relationship development:

(also Suzanna’s story about the first time she cut herself is ACTUALLY just CNF except I left out some of the gruesome details :’)))

“It happens all the time.” He thinks this might be a continuation of a sentence, but he’s missed the first part. By the time she��s telling him about her first time cutting herself in the kitchen—chopping chives in a hurry for a better omelette--she’s touching his hand again, wrapping a paper towel around it to staunch the bleeding.

Lonan glances down at the stain of red eating the white when two fingers tip his chin up, warm and surprisingly callused. “Not there. Look at me.” He only realizes she’s said this because he’s shaking. “So I tell the guy his advertisement is a lie—no accidents in the kitchen, and what happens when I get mine in the mail? An accident.” She continues easily, like she hasn’t been interrupted.

“What?” Something ringing in his ear. He tries to tip it out with his good hand, but nothing comes out. Again, he looks at his finger—she’s switched to a new paper towel. The blood saturates it, and his pupils dilate at the sight of it—something grossly exciting.

“Up here, honey. I’ve heard I have nice eyes.”

Here’s an excerpt that proves Suz is the *biggest* mood! Her dialogue (the vivid bit) is actually direct mirroring of something Harrison says in an earlier memory Lonan recounted (tho I don’t like the writing in that part so :))):

She leans against the sink for a moment and pinches her nose. He hasn’t meant for his eye colour to upset her, but when she recovers, she moves straight past him to the bloody potatoes on the cutting board. Quickly, she removes the unsalvageable ones, dumps the cutting board into the sink. She begins talking about how much rain they’ve gotten, a show she liked downtown. Something about dogs, or doctors—he doesn’t quite hear what she says. He’s distracted looking at her. How she moves, sturdily. Almost too much. The way she picks up where he left off, dicing, chopping, peeling, like she’s been doing it all along.

“I forgot what it felt like to operate.” He doesn’t know if she refers to being a mother or chopping potatoes. Suzanna is pretty like her son. An edge to her that softens as she speaks. Golden hair that glitters like sunrays, even in the fake apartment light. He doesn’t know how it feels to miss a son. How it feels to carry him in your face, like a second skin. “It’s vivid,” she says.

So that’s it for this update! There are a few more to go (tho I may combine a few) so the Moth Work party ain’t over yet!

For now, I hope y’all enjoyed!

--Rachel

#writing #amwriting #writeblr #writingupdates #writerblr #fostered #mothwork

29 notes · View notes

placeebo · 4 years

Text

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻.

repost, don’t reblog

basics !

FULL NAME. Owen James Harper PRONUNCIATION. I don’t think it needs to be spelled out lmao NICKNAME. He doesn’t really have any. He goes by his name, though he dubbed himself King of the Weevils. GENDER. Male HEIGHT. 5′9″ AGE. 27 is his default age, but it varies depending on the verse ZODIAC. Aquarius (he was born on Valentine’s Day!) SPOKEN LANGUAGES. English

physical characteristics !

HAIR COLOR. Brown EYE COLOR. Brown SKIN TONE. Fair BODY TYPE. Wiry, slim ACCENT. English, London VOICE. Not sure what to say here, so here’s a voice clip. DOMINANT HAND. Right. POSTURE. Relaxed and impersonal. He doesn’t slouch, but he does favor putting his weight onto one leg and folding his arms/shoving his hands into his pockets, so nothing prim and proper. SCARS. Gunshot scar (left shoulder), gunshot scar (waist; left side), gunshot wound (chest; not healing; post-“Reset”), slice on left palm (from scalpel; wrapped up; not healing; post-“Reset”), broken left pinky (wrapped up; not healing; post-“Reset”). TATTOOS. None BIRTHMARKS. I imagine a few small birthmarks, like freckles, but nothing noteworthy. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). I’d say his facial structure. People say it’s shaped like a Dorito lmao. Or his mouth being slightly wider and his lips being almost of the same height, like one solid line instead of a noticeable bow.

childhood !

PLACE OF BIRTH. Plaistow, London, England HOMETOWN. Plaistow, London, England BIRTH WEIGHT. On the low end of average BIRTH HEIGHT. Average FIRST WORDS. ?? Who knows. a mystery SIBLINGS. None PARENTS. Unnamed PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT. Lacking. His parents were always at each other’s throats and too busy shredding each other to pieces when they, particularly his mother, were not taking anything out on him. His mother kicked him out at the age of 16 and I could only imagine his father, before his death, was either out of the picture, for the most part, or neglectful, seeing as nothing was done about Owen’s being banished. His relationship with his parents has always been wrought with turmoil and interspersed with very rare moments of a stepping-on-eggshells kind of peace. Owen does make an effort, to an extent, to repair whatever is there, but it never works and often dissuades him from trying again.

adult life !

OCCUPATION. Doctor and chief medical officer of Torchwood Three CURRENT RESIDENCE. Cardiff, Wales CLOSE FRIENDS. Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Suzie Costello (past), Amira Hussein (past) RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Single. He was engaged to Katie Russell before her death and before the events of Torchwood. FINANCIAL STATUS. Average DRIVER’S LICENSE. He has one. CRIMINAL RECORD. None VICES. Drinking, sex, sleeping, ill-tempered

sex and romance !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Bisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION. Biromantic PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. Submissive | dominant | switch PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. Submissive | dominant | switch LIBIDO. High TURN ONS. People who know what they want. A sharp mind, witty, and with a biting, playful personality. Someone who’s strong-willed. Of course, sexiness. Seductive and charming. That said, really, he values kindness, tenderness, brains, and loyalty. He’s always honed in on casual sex before, but he later starts caring about and actively seeking the qualities that make for a good life partner rather than a one-night stand. TURN OFFS. Cutesy, callousness, indecisiveness, someone who is wholly submissive and bends to someone else’s will too easily. LOVE LANGUAGE. Touch and physical affection. Gifts. Remembering details about them. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. Owen, in a relationship, is quite supportive, protective, loyal, devoted, and reliable. He is a full supporter of continually wooing, flirting, and surprising --- it doesn't stop just because you’re in a relationship. He does, however, also have the tendency of keeping things close to his chest. Lack of communication is a terrible weakness of his, and this can often manifest into spats and arguments.

miscellaneous !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. There’s always “Owen’s Theme.” Honestly, though. everything on this blog is comprised of The National lyrics, and I’d think their entire discography fits him. I also named my url after the band Placebo in tandem with, well, a placebo being medical-related. A lot of their songs also fit him. HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. Drinking, sex, sleeping... He also games! MENTAL ILLNESSES. I cannot say for sure, but Owen is not well-adjusted. PHYSICAL ILLNESSES. None. He’s very healthy, minus being dead post-”Reset.” LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. Left-brained, although Owen’s emotions usually control him. FEARS. Abandonment, loneliness. SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. Confident, but on the surface. He hates people doubting him --- he’s aware of it --- and used to chase casual sex due to the fear of being hurt in a relationship. You can’t be wounded if you’re not invested. But what he really wants is a relationship, not meaningless sex, even if he persuades himself that that is what he really wants. When put in a position of power, he can make poor choices, feels the weight of those choices and choices still yet to make, and crumbles. VULNERABILITIES. He’s very emotional. Although Owen puts on a tough front, a lot of who he is manifested out of the need to protect himself from emotional pain. He can additionally make decisions that protect the people he loves rather than the good of all, which can be exploited, though he cares a lot about people. More than he lets on. He’s noted to brood and be too fixated on death --- there’s always someone to save; he thinks his own life is worthwhile if he can save someone else’s --- and he gets riled up easily. His ability to put himself in other people’s shoes is lacking. I’d say he doesn’t critically reflect on himself as much or as long as he should, either. He “moves on,” but with little of the healing.

TAGGED BY: @manaborn (thank you!) TAGGING: @miss-moreno, @lapeirla, @manhattanopus, @pcplarstreet (any!), @onlyliberty, @stardustghost / @memoryfaded, @lostmojave, @hawkshawed, @r-mtyler

#( placeebo: tagged )#[tysm for tagging me this was a nice break from work! :]#owen acts like a jerk but he really does have a heart of gold n he softens a lot in series 2. i love one doctor]#[u guys don't have to do this btw but i'd love to see what you guys write up for your boys and girls!]

8 notes · View notes

purple-verse · 5 years

Text

Extremely detailed character sheet for Randall

Template found here

Character Chart

Character’s full name: Randall Gaspar Purpura

Reason or meaning of name: My characters tend to name themselves. When I first designed Randall the name just kinda echoed in my head.

Character’s nickname: I call him Rand. NEVER RANDY. dont do that please.

Reason for nickname: Randall is a long name lmao

Birth date: 12/13/73

Physical appearance

Age: 23

How old does he/she appear: i think Randall looks a lot younger and could probably be mistaken for 17-19. he definitely gets carded whenever buying anything adult.

Weight: 95-100 pounds

Height: 5′3″

Body build: Emaciated but with wide hip bones

Shape of face: rounded heart shape?

Eye color: brown

Glasses or contacts: he needs to wear glasses, but can’t find them.

Skin tone: pale yellowish tan with lots of freckles

Distinguishing marks: freckles, rope burn scars on neck, wrists and ankles, deep scars all over body. he has a tattoo in the middle of his back of an eye

Predominant features: biiiiig nose and shark teeth

Hair color: black with a purple sheen (mostly because of grease)

Type of hair: super curly and fluffy if clean, straight with slight curls when dirty

Hairstyle: usually shoulder length and choppy, but sometimes cuts it shorter or grows it longer.

Voice: i always wanted him to sound like Danny Elfman, but I do his voice acting.

Overall attractiveness: not very. I’d give him a 4 outta 10 maybe? higher if you like weird looking guys

Physical disabilities: ulcers, anemia, jaundice, chipped teeth, scoliosis, a mild muscle twitch and migraines

Usual fashion of dress: over sized sweaters (usually striped), black skinny cut jeans, black converse, knee high socks.

Favorite outfit: blue striped sweater, acid washed grey/black jeans, black low top converse, periwinkle knee high socks.

Jewelry or accessories: he sometimes wears a black necklace with an eye that matches his tattoo design and he wears a small black hoop earring in his right ear.

Personality

Good personality traits: He’s rather smart and clever, he gives pretty good advice, hes very loyal and will go out of his way to do whatever he can for friends.

Bad personality traits: He has anger issues, night terrors, delusions, gets VERY possessive of people he likes, can get violent, has violent alters he can’t control.

Mood character is most often in: if on meds hes usually in a dissociative calm state. off his meds hes quite irritable unless he’s smoking.

Sense of humor: he’ll tell corny jokes or puns sometimes, but has a hard time picking up when others joke with him.

Character’s greatest joy in life: eating pizza while watching a romcom and listening to his favorite music.

Character’s greatest fear: being yelled at

Why? bad childhood

What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? uuuuh? i guess going off his meds didnt go great coupled with a new friend and having a crush on someone.

Character is most at ease when: listening to his headphones and writing

Most ill at ease when: people are yelling at him or he has a lot to do in a day

Enraged when: woken up badly, when he thinks the people around him hate him or are ignoring him

Depressed or sad when: being ignored or nothings on tv

Priorities: just getting through life

Life philosophy: reincarnation might be real and he hopes itll be better next time

If granted one wish, it would be: not being ill and finding love

Why? it causes most of his turmoil and its really hard for him and he just wants to be loved like he never was

Character’s soft spot: people being nice to him, being asked about his hyper fixations (hes usually too shy at first to talk much, but if he trusts you and you get him going he doesnt shut up)

Is this soft spot obvious to others? YES

Greatest strength: he has a lot of surprising physical strength (it wouldnt look like it), he has a pretty strong will too all things considered

Greatest vulnerability or weakness: his own mind, overthinking, moths (the guy)

Biggest regret: he missed his chance with someone he was really close to before he went to the hospital (Leon)

Minor regret: burning his pizza in fall of 1992

Biggest accomplishment: he used to write and actually wrote some small short stories that were published in magazines

Minor accomplishment: not burning his pizza in the winter of 1993

Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: he was removed from school a lot growing up til he was expelled and “homeschooled” (it was just him reading all the curriculum himself).

Why? because its embarrassing to him

Character’s darkest secret: he keeps clothing and (if theyre killed) body parts of people hes infatuated with

Does anyone else know? mya does now

Past

Hometown: LA, California

Type of childhood: very badly neglected and abused

Pets: he had a cat as a child, but they died in an unfortunate accident and it really affected him. his plushie cat was name after her.

First memory: his mom yelling at him

Most important childhood memory: getting his plushie cat

Why: it was his number one comfort item. he still has it but shes really old and worn so he keeps it under his pillow or in his dresser

Childhood hero: he didnt have one

Dream job: when he was little wanted to be a vet, then when he got older he wanted to be an artist, now he wants to be a writer

Education: in and out of elementary, half of middle school and then self homeschooled on his own.

Religion: agnostic

Finances: very very poor

Present

Current location: [REDACTED FOR FUTURE GAMES]

Currently living with: he lived alone til he died

Pets: n/a

Religion: agnostic

Occupation: n/a

Finances: n/a

Family

Mother: Paloma Purpura

Relationship with her: very bad. She was extremely abusive to him in physical and mental ways. Randall was an accident and she blamed him for “ruining her life”. She was a severe alcoholic and would leave him home alone for days at a time sometimes. She had schizophrenia and would take out delusions on him. Moths waited til she was passed out and set the house on fire, using cigarettes to make it appear as an accident.

Father: Byun Ji-hwan

Relationship with him: He died while Paloma was 7 months pregnant with him. He got in a car accident. Paloma loved him a lot and his death made her spiral into a depression, most likely being a big factor in Randall being born premature and with many health problems.

Siblings: he’s an only child.

Spouse: He was in love with his neighbor and only friend, Leon, but he moved away and he never told him how he felt.

He was also briefly involved with his boss, Mort, at the pizzeria. He stalked him and was obsessed with him, but lost touch after he went to the hospital.

He had a crush on his neighbor, Tom, who Moths murdered and kept in his bathtub til mya stopped him.

Other important family members: He has an aunt and uncle on his mothers side who adopted him when his house burned down. They were mentally abusive to him and would have to tie him to his bed when he had night terrors cause he would hurt himself and others otherwise. thats why he has rope burn scars on his wrists and ankles.

Favorites

Color: Red and Blue

Least favorite color: yellow

Music: he listens to a lot of different genres, anything floaty and dreamy or kind of weird. his favorite band is radiohead, he also loves oingo boingo and the talking heads.

Food: pizza. pizza anything, he loves all pizza stuff. he hates burgers though.

Literature: horror novels

Form of entertainment: he likes to watch infomercials on TV

Mode of transportation: he has a purple Ford Escort. he keeps losing the keys so he tends to walk everywhere. does NOT ride the bus if he can help it

Most prized possession: His plushie cat, Shadow.

Habits

Hobbies: watching tv or doodling/writing

Plays a musical instrument? he cant play any instrument, but he likes to sing

Plays a sport? no one would play sports with him as a kid and he doesnt have the stamina, but he enjoys watching winter sports.

How he/she would spend a rainy day: He’d open the window so he can listen to the rain and just relax or write

Spending habits: he barely has enough money to get by as it is, but he likes to buy gas station pizza or candy when he can. sometimes he’ll treat himself if hes really depressed and by some silly little toy or something

Smokes: started smoking at 14, chain smoked until he worked and was irritable alot because the breaks werent enough and then he quit after staying in the hospital. Moths still smokes and Randall will have one if he gets really stressed.

Drinks: Used to drink when he was 16, doesnt like how it makes him feel. Triggers memories of his mom.

Other drugs: experimented with lots of drugs as a teen. tried pills, speed and weed. Stopped doing drugs after 2 years., never did them to excess, just to deal with PSTD.

What does he/she do too much of? drinks a lot of soda and caffeinated beverages.

What does he/she do too little of? eating anything. he tends to forget or is just not up for it.

Extremely skilled at: is actually a really good shot with a gun, surprisingly even without his glasses. hes also really good at rhythm type things

Extremely unskilled at: anything involving other people

Nervous tics: chews on his shirt, picks at his nails or bites his nails, covers his face with his sleeves

Usual body posture: slouches, puts his hands up to his chest with his sleeves covering them. tends to walk fast when in public to get home as fast as possible. (virgin walk)

Mannerisms: shy, twitchy, sweaty, has a stutter when nervous. tends not to be able to make eye contact and looks down or away mostly

Traits

Optimist or pessimist? very pessimistic

Introvert or extrovert? EXTREME introvert

Daredevil or cautious? cautious (moths is a daredevil with no impulse control)

Logical or emotional? tries to be logical usually, but ends up becoming emotional

Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? it really depends on what. his self care is messy, but his living space is usually kept pretty clean and minimalist, except for maybe some food wrappers but he picks them up weekly.

Prefers working or relaxing? likes relaxing, but working gets his mind off things.

Confident or unsure of himself/herself? very very unsure of himself

Animal lover? yes, loves all animal esp bugs, rabbits and rats or any creature hated by most people (he relates)

Self-perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: hes very self loathing and takes what happened to him personally, feeling like he did something to deserve. that carried on to adulthood and now when something bad happens on accident he thinks he must have done something to deserve it. he finds himself very unattractive and has a hard time looking in the mirror. hates everything about himself.

One word the character would use to describe self: bad

What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? he doesnt think he has any

What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? shyness

What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? eyes

What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? scars

How does the character think others perceive him/her: he thinks people see him as a gross person, someone you wouldnt want to go near. and smelly.

What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: everything

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: scary and would rather be alone, but wants love and friends

Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? absolutely

Person character most hates: his mother, his aunt and uncle and tom

Best friend(s): mya and leon

Love interest(s): leon and sort of tom (it wasnt really reciprocated so hes dead)

Person character goes to for advice: mya

Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: himself

Person character feels shy or awkward around: everyone

Person character openly admires: mya (he likes how outgoing and nice she is)

Person character secretly admires: mya

Most important person in character’s life before story starts: leon

After story starts: mya

#ive been working on this on and off for a very long time #randall purpura #purple game

124 notes · View notes

meimi-haneoka · 5 years

Text

Clear Card chapter 31 - comments

Here we go....here we go ~

SOOOOO FANDOM, HOW DID YOU LIKE CHAPTER 31??? EH? EH??

Want to scream some with me? Beware, this is going to be long because there’s SO MUCH TO SAY!! Below the cut for spoilers!!!

This cover is gorgeous!! Long time no see, Spinel Sun!! You never appeared in-story XD

Kaito’s smug assface

While CLAMP never lose their chance to show us what an arrogant, smartass kid he was, Kaito’s dream allows us to get closer to the moment in which Akiho and Kaito met for real for the first time (which isn’t this time, yet). Kaito saw her from afar when he was a kid and she was a toddler, in a crystal ball, and he was the one ascertaining that she did not have even a drop of magic. Things to note: the Association calls him Yuna D., almost like it was his code name. So the Squid Clan is reduced to basically 5 people including Akiho (EDIT, apparently I mistranslated a part), and they have lost a big part of their magical rituals/formulas. They’re basically a declining clan (and they could all disappear for all I care). We’re told again that Akiho’s parents were tremendously powerful, especially her mother. I wonder why Ohkawa needed to specify that. Hm.

LOOK AT HIM. Fucking Kaito. But also look at this nugget over here....I can’t get enough of baby Akiho...she’s the cutest

So now it’s confirmed: both the Association and the Squid Clan collaborated to do something about her lack of powers, they literally felt entitled to write over her, as if she was a blank book. I AM APPALLED.

Syaoran's confession

And here we are ladies and gentlemen, the moment people were waiting for since...since....since chapter 1 basically???

Man...this panel....jfc kids, you’re only 12 and you already look like on the verge of divorce LMAO so the kids are staying with me and I’ll leave the house to you I AM JOKING! OK? I NEED TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD AFTER THE LAST 2/3 DAYS IN THE FANDOM!

So...we start with most of the big confession already done, with Sakura getting confirmation that she’s actually the one originating all the events with the Clear Cards. Syaoran’s face is already sad and apologetic, but the peak has yet to come. Then, the question everyone had since we started seeing his shady faces: “Why you didn’t tell me?” That’s directly questioning him and the very core of all this mess, so Syaoran starts to falter. If he could, he wanted her to not realize it as long as possible, because in case a person who didn’t train to operate magic comes to realize that their magic is going crazy, the chances this chaos would increase are very high, because they’re too conscious about it.

Try to imagine what could happen from now on. Sakura would watch her thoughts, she would try to conceal her feelings, she would probably try to suppress bad emotions in fear those could cause something dangerous. But this is a snake biting its tail, as this frustration would only make her magic go even more rampant.

Syaoran wanted to delay that as much as possible, until they found a way to stabilize her magic. I’m sure there’s a stabilizing point out there. But Sakura isn’t stupid, and she realized. Syaoran knew this moment would come. And he didn’t lose time. He brought her directly to his home and started his confession, because LORD his burden was too much to bear and I’m sure he was thinking “ok, it’s time, just give me my punishment but let me unload this heavy burden cause I can’t take it anymore”. You think Syaoran had fun, all this time? You think Syaoran had fun, telling Sakura that he had to hide things from her? LIE to her when she asked him an opinion on the Clear Cards? Do you think he had fun, every day, thinking about what the love of his life was walking into?

Syaoran did something shady towards his girlfriend, and he doesn’t try to hide it. Even when it seems like Sakura could justify him because he already knew someone who suffered from strong magic, he jumps in saying “But this doesn’t change the fact that I’ve hidden things from you! One thing more too...” See, he’s not trying to bury his head in the sand, he’s not hiding it. He’s not presenting lame excuses. That’s Syaoran for you. He knows perfectly he’s done something wrong and he expects a punishment from Sakura. But, I’m sure all of you would do the same as him, if you knew your most important person incurred a life threat. Syaoran doesn’t need to mention exactly what that is to know that Sakura’s life would be screwed over. His face screams it enough for him.

Nonetheless, when Sakura says that she’s mad (at him too, soon after), he stands up immediately, as if he was called into question. I think it was a beautiful way to show that his attention was all on her. And when Sakura starts to cry....his hand reaching out to her was really a strong image, for me. He cannot bear the sight of her crying for something he caused. He can only hug her head muttering an apology. I applaude CLAMP for the choice of the position, for 2 reasons: in this way it almost seems like he’s also bowing in apology and...he doesn’t bring himself to hug her completely. He could’ve kneeled down and embraced her, but...knowing Syaoran, he’s probably thinking he doesn’t deserve it yet.

Sakura’s reaction

Sakura is the protagonist of this wonderful story, and yet she always seems to be the last one having character development. Syaoran is often helping that development. This is a very positive thing, because growth is one of the plus sides of having a romantic relationship with someone. You learn about them, yes, but you learn also about you. Today Sakura learned 2 things: that her boyfriend loves her so much that he would throw upside down his own being for her (= Syaoran is known for being honest and straightforward) and that she might have a lot to think about herself once she gets out of Syaoran’s house. But we’ll arrive to that. Sakura cannot look at Syaoran in the eyes, initially. You can feel that she’s got a turmoil going on. Realizing that she’s the cause behind the Clear Cards, there’s a surge of guilt going all over her. And that’s why her stare is well anchored to the ground.

But it’s when Syaoran confesses about the Sakura Cards going blank, and him returning the Bear, that Sakura’s face turns suddenly into fear and shock. Cause at the same time, she’s learning that Syaoran has got something to do with the problem of her Cards and she’s also fearing that something happened to them. After this, the scene with the Sakura Cards reuniting with her and trying to weigh in to make her understand that all of this was done just because they simply love her too much, was really emotional!! And how lively and WARM all of them are...so different from the Clear Cards. Light & Dark say out loud something that we probably realized before: only her own magic can cancel out her magic...because she’s become very strong. That’s why Syaoran had to resort to the Sakura Cards to counterattack the Clear Cards. And now you can also understand why in the anime his spells worked initially, but then it quickly reached a point where nothing worked anymore. Only the Sakura Cards did.

When Mirror asks her “Are you mad?”, Sakura’s eyes are depicted in a cloudy way. Again, bravo CLAMP. Cause in her eyes is reflected the storm that is going on in her heart at the moment. She’s mad, yes. Little Angel Sakura Kinomoto admits being mad. At herself, first. For not realizing anything while everyone else around her was worried this sick. Whether she will learn something from this or not, we will see it in the later part of the story. This is the final result of that scene in which Sakura said “I am the one who understands the least about myself”. And she’s mad at Syaoran, too. Cause realization after realization, she also arrived to think what would’ve happened if he put his own life in danger to protect her. And man, that mere thought ignited a “violent” reaction (violent in a Sakura-scale) from her, bringing her to be mad at him for even thinking of causing her that much pain. Cause she can’t live without him. Yes, her “I would cry forever” is her childish way to say that her happiness would be over if something like that happened. Sakura is still a kid, but she already seems to know the extent of her feelings.

Syaoran hugs her, but she doesn’t respond. I know this caused a bit of uproar in a part of the fandom. Aside from the fact that she could be responding after a while, I think that simply the spiral of painful thoughts is too much for her and got a hold of her completely, to even think about returning Syaoran’s hug. She is angry, after all. Leave her some time to process her emotions, and I’m sure these two will come out of this ordeal stronger and closer together. I look forward to see their relationship from now on, and how she will go about the problem with the Clear Cards too.

Bonus: The British family is back?!

Just a quick thought about the very final scene of the chapter, cause this rant has been going on for too long already, but let me just scream :

AT LAST, ERIOL?? DID YOU BRING YOUR ASS BACK IN JAPAN?

Gdi it was about time!!!! I’m so glad they’re back, so so glad. Will Eriol apologize to Sakura too? Can’t wait for next chapter!!!

#cardcaptor sakura #Card Captor Sakura #clear card arc #ccs spoilers #sakura card captor #ccsakura #clamp #chapter 31 #I promised a long ass rant and here it is #please make it worth it and give it a read #lmao

44 notes · View notes

hujikin · 6 years

Text

How Kubo developed Romance in bleach (IR mostly)

http://www.well-storied.com/blog/the-dos-and-donts-of-crafting-your-storys-love-interest (Here is the link I used to reference for any writers out there.)

Types In Bleach

Enemies to Lovers

Friends to Lovers

Love Triangles

Second Chances at Love

Rags-to-Riches Romances

Star-Crossed Lovers

Opposites Attract

Fated Romances

Pretend Relationships

Love at First Sight

Royal Romances

Arranged or Political Marriages

Isshin’s and Maskai’s love and destiny gets repeated in Ichigo and Rukia (sigh* Kubo o.o)

Here Kubo introduces love tri and displays jealousy in Orihime (I know some I/H is gonna say some ish about how IR isn’t romantic blah blah well look Orihime displayed a jealousy towards Rukia and her effect on Ichigo and this is after Rukia had said (lied ill explain) that she didn’ t like Ichigo so why feel jealous of a close friend? Why would Kubo put this in if it was unnecessary? She wasn’t jealous of Tatsuki, because Rukia is special to Ichigo in a way she is not.

Rukia shows the series signature fake smile as she puts up her actor front and denies feelings for Ichigo but we get a look into her inner thoughts and she mentions “love, companionship and friendship” And how her like or hate for Ichigo is troublesome. She wouldn’t mention love of she wasn’t thinking of it or feeling it. She also separated love and friendship, if all she felt was a simple friendship for Ichigo she wouldn’t need to say love. Then we take into consideration her expression Bleach’s signature fake smile; a smile in the series that shows that you are pretending, lying, holding back emotion and/or putting up a front. Multiple characters have used this smile (below). Why would Rukia use a fake smile while answering about her feelings for Ichigo? She has never been one to beat around the bush this here displays that Kubo wanted Rukia to have feelings for Ichigo different from friendship, something that was growing. He even titled the chapter Needless Emotions.

#1: CHOOSE THE TYPE OF CHEMISTRY YOU’D LIKE TO BUILD.

Chemistry is that potent magnetism that draws two people — or, in our case, characters — together.

• A bond over shared interests or experiences • A broadening of one another's horizons • A grounding balance between dichotomous personalities • A shared admiration for one another’s spirits

Love interests that do not have lives outside of their story's protagonists aren’t characters at all, I’d argue. They are objects, cardboard cutouts, prizes to be won.

Your love interest should exist as a fully-formed individual, with a life outside of the protagonist's story. ( >.> hmmm lol)

Ichigo is stubborn, short-tempered, strong-willed, impulsive, genuinely compassionate and empathetic towards others . outspoken, hot-headed demeanor

Rukia is grim, somber, stoic, straightforward, tactical, compassionate, selfless and had a difficulty making friends.

Before Rukia came along Ichigo did not smile because he blamed himself for his mother death. He was dealt with guilt and what some could say depression (rain in his heart) for years until after saving Rukia where we see his true smile for the first time, and this rain reappears many times to display Ichigo’s inner distress. Rukia is used as the cure to that distress multiple times, like here for example (below). One minute Ichigo is crying and covered in rain then after his powers are given back the rain stops completely and from then on out no one is getting rained on, not ginjou, Urahara, especially Ichigo, and so on, its as if that specific rain storm was related to Ichigo’s emotional turmoil and as soon as Rukia arrived and fixed everything it stopped. Also notice how of everyone Rukia is the only one that isn’ t getting wet by the rain (Kubo all the f-ing symbolism for nothing)

Rukia comes into the first arc as a character that looks defeated and emotionless because she blames her self for Kaien’s death, she is alone and the only family she has doesn’t speak to her. Ichigo teachers her to trust other, to make friends, to smile as well, and gives her a stronger will to live. Everything that Kaien once did for her Ichigo now does for her. She puts her trust in others and now feels joy. If we see Rukia changes in expression from the first chapter to the end of the SS arc you see just how much of a positive impact Ichigo has on her.(look below)

They balance each other out and as Orihime said they have pure chemistry, Rukia brings out a great Ichigo, an Okay Ichigo, and makes Ichigo feel better

chapter 181> chapter 1 (Ichigo and Rukia change in expression

#2: DEFINE YOUR PROTAGONIST’S ROMANTIC INTERESTS.

To choose the best type of chemistry to pursue in your story, you may find it helpful to first understand what your protagonist needs in a relationship. Not what they want or what they think they need, but what will truly bring a little love into their life.

In the throughout the series we see an emotionally conflicted Ichigo constantly battling with his inner demons (literally). In the beginning we see him emotionally conflicted with his mother death, then with his hollow, then with his vasto lorde form (which I/H love to claim as an I/h moment even though that form caused im anguish/ despair lmao *look below*), then when he lost his powers, and so on. Rukia constantly ,not in all these moments but most, play a pivotal part in Ichigo’s emotional stability. Kubo makes her Ichigo’s rock (ray of light, stopper of rain/angish) he makes her someone Ichigo needs to get back to normal for four Arcs (Sub-shingami, SS, HM, and Fullbringer). He makes her the reason why Ichigo can smile again. He makes her what Ichgo needs. Not once has he made Hime that. Throughout the course of the series he made her a friend, a girl in love with Ichigo, a healer and comical relief ; but not once has she made her someone that resolves the main problems Ichigo has emotionally and mentally. Ichigo was literally depressed for a year and a half up and she couldn’t do anything for him and throughout the F.B Arc Ichigo doesn’t smile once... we get one of his fake smiles that makes Yuzu sad but that's about it

GIVE YOUR LOVE INTEREST AUTONOMY.

This trope, which disproportionately affects female love interests, is a form of objectification that's sure to leave a bad taste in many readers' mouths. To counteract this, treat your love interest as the protagonist of their own story, giving them autonomy in the form of their own goals, desires, and needs.

Hime has displayed this trope after the SS arc Kubo makes her a Kurosaki-Kun machine. Her feelings for Ichigo become the largest part of her character or her role as a healer or as a damsel. When they aren’t fighting hime is imagining him in Shojo like scene which is comical in a Shounen ( he went from Ichigo to Usui lol). We understand that she is working but often times when she is in a panel its because she is going to see Ichigo she doesn’t have her own story in the series. Not even some panels showing her working. Just her alone at home thinking about Ichigo, talking about Ichigo (to or not to Tatsuki), Her walking to Ichigo’s Job, Her going to Ichigo’s house, you get the point...

MAKE YOUR LOVE INTEREST IRREPLACEABLE.

Further your love interest's development as a character by giving them a role in your story that is unrelated to their romance with the protagonist.

Rukia place in Ichigo’s life is unique. When Rukia disappears the first time Ichigo speaks on painfully feeling her absence (ch58). Then when he mentions Uryu he says that he’s absent but at least he would remember Rukia (instead of saying “oh yeah Uryu got hurt pretty bad so it makes sense that he’s absent...”) Then gain he mentions this odd feeling about how the world keep going even with out Rukia all in this chapter. This become reiterated in one of Kubo’s signature poems in Vol. 49(below) Ichigo now directly wonders again how can he keep up with the speed of the world without her in it ( It still makes me laugh when I/H deny this...) Then take into consideration that Rukia is the rain stopper (sadness stopper) in Ichigo’s life (another role only she has) Then the chapter where Ichigo gains his fullbringer powers, right before Rukia get a full page dedicated to her as Ichigo thinks of moment that could trigger his power and it is Rukia. Then when he loses his fullbring Rukia brings back his powers again. Rukia being the one who changed his world in general. Kubo again making all these specific decision, put Rukia’ s importance to Ichigo on the forefront.

ENSURE INFLUENCE IS A TWO-WAY STREET.

Relationships are a push-and-pull, a give-and-take. Protagonists are often challenged or transformed by their relationship with the love interest, but don’t forget to allow the relationship to shape your love interest in return.

Throughout the series Rukia is a positive influence to Ichigo. Not once has she ever caused negative development for him. The Ichigo has given Rukia people in her life that she can call her friends. He brings back joy in her life or as Renji says “ a shine in her face” (below) Because of Ichigo, Rukia gains the courage to finally confront Kaien’s family and she too begins to smile again. Because of Ichigo Rukia gets a second chance she can’t protect Kaien but she can protect Ichigo, he brings back her humanity and they give each other balance.

Kubo built all of this up only to go left in the end...

#IchiRuki #pro ichiruki #anti bleach ending #anti bleach 686 #anti kubo #anti ichihime

210 notes · View notes

milkandhoneyoongi · 6 years

Text

turmoil, interrupted (jungkook imagine)

request: Can I request an angsty turned fluffy jungkook imagine where you’re having an argument while you’re making the two of you dinner (maybe about pulling his weight with household chores?) and you cut yourself and immediately he’s not angry anymore Sorry this is so long haha

a/n: i ended up really liking how this turned out. i get really into writing fights but i tried to hold myself back on this and stick to the prompt lmao.

you can always send me a request here and view my old imagines here

genre: angst

word count: 1,224 words

warnings: blood mention, yelling mention, bad words hehehe (the ones that aren’t that bad, though)

“Y/N, I work too hard all day to come home to be attacked.”

“Attacked? You’re the only one here who is raising their voice,” you spoke softly, a grimace on your face.

“Don’t act like you didn’t bring this up just to fight.” You nearly groaned. He was being so dramatic.

You hadn’t anticipated things escalating to this. All you had asked for was for him to maybe consider taking his clothes from the floor and putting them in the hamper so they’d be easier to for you to wash that weekend. You were fine with doing a majority of the housework as you knew how much his job wore him out, but you had an obvious problem with him getting too used to you doing all the work. It held this sort of weight over your head that every day when you got home after working all day you’d have a twenty year old child to take care of.

He wasn’t too happy when you voiced this opinion.

“Jungkook, I’m simply asking that you consider respecting our space a little more.” Throughout most of the argument that to this point had stretched over the course of at least fifteen minutes. The two of you stood in the kitchen, Jungkook leaning against the counter of the island, your back to him as you prepped your dinner on the counter opposite.

“Our space?” He chuckled darkly. “Do you forget who paid for most of this place?”

You would have been hurt by what he was insinuating but you were certain of his idiocy at this point and didn’t let it bother you. “Very sweet, Kookie. Do you forget whose idea it was to have a bigger place? I believe the wise man’s words were ‘If I chipped in a little more, we could have a bigger space to call our own.’ Don’t try that with me.”

“Forgive me for considering the fact that I bring in most of the money in this house!”

He knew you were insecure about the extent to which he provided you. He offered to pay for almost everything when it came to things you shared. Not because you didn’t have money, but because he often insisted on doing so. It was something you always asked about, if he was okay with it all or not, and you were certain at this point he continued to bring it up because you had said something that hurt him and now he just wanted to hurt you back.

“I don’t really understand what was so incredulous about my question,” you muttered. “I do the laundry every week anyway. I sweep and mop the floors after your friends come over. I stop at the grocery store on the way home to restock our cabinets after you’ve practically slept at the studio all week. I make the bed and clean the grout in the bathroom with a damn toothbrush once a week. I’m cooking for you literally right now. And I do all of this in a way to pay you back for all you do for me, and all I ask is that you don’t actively make it any harder.” Your list of things you did for the two of you brought tears to your eyes as you realized how one-sided your relationship really seemed. Words from your mother came to mind of how you could never be the housewife, and yet here you were slaving away for your boyfriend who didn’t even seem to appreciate it. In your upset, you barely realized the form of your chopping had deteriorated until you felt the knife come down on the side of your index finger, hissing and muttering a quick expletive.

“Y/N?” Jungkook visibly stiffened, slumped shoulders now taut in defense. You may have been fighting just moments ago, but the thought of you crying or hurt still sent chills down his spine, no matter how insignificant the wound seemed, emotional or physical. He knew from your hiss and the sudden lack of the rhythmic chopping sound that you had injured yourself. “Jagi, what happened?” He glided to your side, noticing the look on your face as your hand with the knife hovered over the board and you simply stared at the beads of blood that gathered where you had carved a bit out of your finger.

Maybe part of the reason he always got into hyper-protective mode even when it didn’t appear as though you were really hurt was the way you reacted to seeing blood to any extent. There was a time a mosquito landed on your calf, Jungkook smacking it so as to prevent the annoyance in the future, but the sight of your own blood running from the now dead mosquito drained the blood from your face and you nearly passed out in the middle of the hiking trail.

“Y/N.” He spoke softly as he took the knife from your hand and placed it on the board. He looked to the stove quickly, turning off the hob and then taking your injured hand into his own. “Let’s rinse this, okay? I know you hate blood but you’re gonna be okay. Let me take care of you.” You shook your head numbly.

He ushered you over to the sink, turning the tap to warm water and then running your cut under the stream so he could get a better look at what he was working with. He hoisted you onto the counter next to the sink and then reached beneath to grab the first aid kit that you always kept. He handed you a piece of gauze, “Put pressure on it, okay?” You nodded, still a lost look in your eyes as you watched the crimson blood saturate the gauze in vein-like webs.

He prepared a bandage for you with antiseptic and wrapped it tightly around your finger, pressing a firm kiss against the impaired appendage. “Y/N you okay?” Again you nodded, unable to produce words but feeling your discomfort slowly leave your body and be replaced with the same hurt you felt before you cut your finger. Jungkook sighed, bringing you into his chest. “I’m really sorry.”

“I know you are,” you murmured. “And it’s okay. I understand your job wears you out but I simply ask you to understand that mine does the same.”

“I know it does, jagiya, but sometimes I get caught up in my own life and I forget we’re in this together. I’ll try harder to pull my weight around the house, okay? I’m sorry for assuming you did it all because you wanted to.” You nodded, and he extended his arms out, holding you a foot out from him and using two fingers to lift your chin so you two looked into each other’s eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You stood on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips and he melted against your touch. “Can we just order takeout?”

He looked to the mess behind you. “You call and I’ll clean this up, okay?”

“Okay,” you nodded, although part of you laughed at the idea of him cleaning and within a moment he confirmed the comedic nature of your swapped roles when he called out to you.

“Y/N, where do we put dirty dishes?”

#bts #bts scenario #bts imagine #bts reaction #bts fanfic #seokjin #yoongi #hoseok #namjoon #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #jungkook scenario

223 notes · View notes