#marie simply didn't die when he tried to kill her.

[sleepynegress]

This is the late icon, Dwayne McDuffie, one of the first noted black comic writers.

He has written all kinds of heroes for both Marvel and DC and created Static Shock. The whole thing is good, but I've cued this up to a particular part because I'm looking at the reactions to Marie surviving Homelander, and what he says here is evergreen.

#that psycho did not hold back #marie simply didn't die when he tried to kill her. #gen v #gen v spoilers #dwayne mcduffie #fandom looks like fandom #Youtube #twitter and tumblr smh #spoilers #marie moreau

[lookismstuff]

Highlights of Ep 483

SPOILERS ALERT

"Drowning so much, I'm affected by the ripple. Feeling so low that I can't even see the middle. Dark days, lost ways, made me feel little..." - "Something Beautiful", Tom Walker and Masked Wolf

Cheonliang Fam was basically the kids who were pupils of Yook Seongji's, the King of Cheonliang. They were present at Seongji's house, enjoying tanghulu candies, when Vin came barging in naked and begging to be killed.

Seongji wondered whether Vin really wanted to die, as the boy rambled on and on about how the monster in the mountain turned out to be this candy-eating hobo, to his dismay. To that, Seongji replied that Vin ate so many of his tanghulu candies anyway.

The Cheonliang Fam members, consisting of Park Jewoo, Lim Taebong, Choi Wooseok, and Lee Hyungjae, told Vin that Seongji had been teaching them the truth behind the Child God Cult's manipulations.

To that, Vin told them that it was all a futile crap, and Jewoo stood up to beat him up for being rude at school (Seongji's School of Truth). Vin was stronger than Jewoo, however, and before the other three kids could do anything but rushing at Vin, they were stopped by a girl.

This girl was none other than Mary. Because she was big, Vin mockingly called her The Elephant Monster, to which she replied by throwing him down.

Fainting, Vin realized that she was the strongest person he had ever met so far.

It appears that Taejin was the culprit who called the students to the sacrifice ritual, just so they could watch Vin walking all naked and paraded in the street. Having made this conclusion, Vin was livid when Taejin flippantly said that the other kids were bound to find out sooner or later, anyway.

When one of the kids was about to shame Vin further, Taejin even condescendingly stopped the kid, leaving a grand impression on that kid and the others that he was such a good person.

Vin came rushing at Taejin to punch him but Taejin pulled a Kudo move on him, having learned about the martial art from his father's Japanese bodyguards.

The kids cheered for Taejin, for trampling on the Eye Monster, who is none other than Vin. But Vin defiantly told them that they were the stupid ones for following the Shaman and his entourage and giving up everything for the cult. Yet it was Vin who was called the Eye Monster.

But Vin wasn't completely alone, it seems. Four boys stood up for him: The Cheonliang Fam. And Mary threw Taejin down, announcing that anyone who caused a ruckus at school would be stopped by The Elephant.

Being rescued didn't make Vin grateful. Simply because years of abuse made him believe that the Shaman would be out to get them anyway. But Jewoo told him that Mary's fame as a young, promising judoka shielded him from harm, even though her own parents were neck deep in the cult.

Jewoo welcome Vin in the fold. They were impressed that Vin stood up to Taejin like that, and promised to protect Vin from the shaman. Offended, Vin lunged at him but he was thrown thrice by Jewoo, Taebong and Wooseok. All of them were good at ssireum, the Korean traditional wrestling sport, and it was Seongji the King who taught them. The reason why Vin defeated Jewoo the day before was because Jewoo held back: Seongji had warned them that ssireum was a dangerous sport.

The shaman's bodyguards found the kids. Their leader, a former member of the Yamazaki faction (Gun's) named Kojima Shigeaki, told Vin to get ready for the next sacrifice ritual.

Mary and the other Cheonliang Fam members tried to stop them but failed, since Kojima and his two lackeys were stronger than the kids. As they moved to execute Wooseok, somebody else came to the clearing.

It was Seongji. He came and crushed the ribcages of the two lackey bodyguards... with his six fingered-hands. Yes, he was the original sacrifice boy who ran away.

Kojima taunted whether Seongji wanted to start "another war". Seongji retorted that it was Kojima who started all of this, anyway. And he said that would show Kojima and the other two, why he was called The King of Cheonliang.

Notes:

I'm so glad that Mary's characterization and illustration are very humane. There's even a new sense of purpose and direction in the way she's written: what with her ambition as a young athlete and her conflict with her manipulated family members.

However, I wish PTJ didn't retcon her hair color because originally in the God Dog arc it was implied that Mary didn't color her hair before she came to Seoul, but after. This was why Vin was surprised to see her as a blonde after he removed his tinted glasses for the first time in the arcade, after his duel versus Ivan Park.

I wish we saw Taejin's upbringing from up close. From what I read and watched in cult docuseries and books, children of cult leaders either turned into power hungry figures, dysfunctional individuals, or people who disassociate from such cults or any belief system. But all of these results stemmed from a distorted upbringing. So I think it would be interesting to see how the events in Taejin's formative years led up to his bizarrely wrong choices.

#lookism #lookism webtoon #lookism manhwa #vin jin #jin hobin #cheonliang fam #cheonliang arc #kim miru #mary kim #lookism 483 #yook seongji #king of cheonliang #SoundCloud #lookism spoilers

[jittyjames]

⭐

ok let me talk about john 11:35 for a moment— or jesus wept

this fic is actually more recently written. it originally started as a Valentine's Day fic for the jcs discord server (sun/moon dynamics with jesus/mary/judas) but then it twisted into this big ole fic. you can still see the whispers of the fluff piece it once was, like when jesus compares mary to light and warmth and stares at the stars with judas. so i didn't get to actually join that challenge, but there was an effort!

i think it's quite clear the disciples in this fic were actually a commentary on most modern day religious spaces. like blatantly ignoring the words of jesus to focus on their hate instead? searching for power? having no forgiveness of empathy for even the man they call savior? yeahhhhh. i think the disciples are still sympathetic characters honestly, and they're more traumatized than anything. their perceptions of death are so scattered at the moment. so much so they can't even grasp what it means to die anymore. because jesus came back. he came back after the horrors. he suffered, but yet he's still here. so how bad can death truly be? and they want to ensure their legacies are intact. they want to become legends, just like they always did. but now, two of their own just died at once. they have to scramble to make sure they're leaving something behind. so now, let's talk about the misogyny. we can see it begin to mold. we all know jesus accepted women perfectly well into the group, that it was the apostles and paul who started with the whole "women should sit down and shut up" type thing. but we can see that with mary's treatment. peter is the first person to disregard her when it comes to picking the next apostle. yeah he says it's because she's traumatized, but truly it's because he doesn't think he can handle sharing the spotlight with someone who jesus loves more than him again. (we all know i headcanon judas and peter as jesus' right and left hand). it's not necessarily that he's in love with jesus or anything like that, but he knows how he feels. he thinks he knows what's best at the moment. mary and judas? even jesus to an extent? ruled by their emotions for each other. he sees judas' betrayal as the result of some petty relationship drama. he won't have it coming in again to ruin everything he has planned. but peter is also viewing mary as weak. how can she grieve the man who killed jesus? why is she crying all the time when she should be spitting on his grave like the rest of them? it makes Peter not trust her. and then you just have the period-typical misogyny, too mixing with that. then, we also have matthias not even acknowledging her, even as she stands by jesus' side. she's not important to him or to the story, even if she's jesus' heart. she's already being erased by the narrative. and john making the choice of leaving their relationship as a whole out of his book? rooted in homophobia and misogyny. their version on jesus should be above the likes of mary and judas. i have a lot of disciples thoughts. they're not perfect, but they're not simply evil here either. they have their reasons. like can you imagine watching your friend die bc their boyfriend sold them out to the police, and no one really gives you a good explanation for it? you'd be pissed, too. you'd be hurt.

ONE OF THE THINGS IDK IF ANYONE HAS MENTIONED YET. He had caught sight of him one night, sitting amongst a field of poppies, the darkness encasing the deep red of them, the pale blue of Judas.- POPPIES ARE A SYMBOL OF DEATH. JUDAS WAS SITTING IN A FIELD OF POPPIES NIGHTLY. idk if anyone caught onto it, but i most definitely wrote that with an intention. ALSO i had never utilized feet washing scenes bc i don't want people to think i have a foot fetish but like. there's so much angst potential there, and gerohugerh.

also i tried to sprinkle as much judas imagery as I could (or at least what i find to be imagery) but the more obvious ones like the blue coat and peaches, and the judas tree as the hanging tree. but also birds, spring, and stars. hehe. very sell-indulgent.

my roman empire is mary and jesus moving to kerioth to feel close to judas. i love this idea. i love the picture of it. i headcanon kerioth as just the typical, small southern town. orchards and fields, farms and small schools, everyone knows everyone. i mean is this me projecting my own small town life? yeahhhh.

but something i didn't get to talk about is the issue of simon iscariot. but I think I'll save that one 👀

there's a part of me that want to add to this bc @pinkishflowersilverycoin and i hatched a plot in dms. like judas isn't in hell in this world. he's in heaven. jesus didn't go back, so it's just judas alone up there for the time being. he'll be the one to welcome all the disciples, mary, jesus when they die. (will jesus die?? who is to say?? is it some weird supernatural thing?? maybe.) but we felt like maybe judas would take on peter's supposed role at heaven's gate. he's the first one to get there. they'll all have to deal with him again, so even if the apostles think that he's just rotting somewhere, his will be the first face they see when they die.

also we didn't even get started on jesus and mary's kids (sara and elias of kerioth, respectively). we decided they would be the ones to write some gnostic gospels, wanting to set the record straight about their third hypothetical parent, and tell the actual story of their mourning parents.

and I think this is everything for now!

#director ask game

[milos-journal]

Hello, fellow Mary thinker. Saw your piece of art focusing on Milo's phone call in Milo's tape and it made me realize something. If the planned plot of TribeTwelve was still in mind back then, then that means Mary would've killed Milo before her death. Which means she willingly made the choice to go see him despite everything she'd just done. My question is; why would she do that if at least ONE bit of her wanted to see him. Yes, she could've simply wanted answers BUT notice how she chooses instead to defend herself instead of stubbornly insisting answers like she did with Noah in Phone Call with Mary Asher. It's only at the end when she realizes she's probably going to die that she tries to stall and convince Milo they need to work together. It looks like Mary saw the gun when Milo brought up what he knew and while she did shift around, obviously debating on whether to run or not, she didn't. We'll never know the exact emotions behind those No's, but I just thought it might be a cool idea

TW: TRIBETWELVE

ok, i know this was sent to me a couple days ago, but i want to dig into this because YES YES YES FELLOW MARY ASHER THINKER OKAYYY HIIIII. also for those reading, extra tws for death, abuse, and other tribetwelve/milo's journal typical triggers.

what i find interesting about milo's tapes is that i don't believe that mary actually kills milo before? or, at least, she gets close and pussies out, unless this was changed later in the document and i didn't notice.

i also don't even wanna get INTO what this all implies about robert asher, but that's severely off topic. mary gets close to killing milo, but no dice. although, that asterisk has no visible note attached anywhere i could fine, and could mean this was completely subject to change. however, gonna be real, doesn't change much about how i feel about it. just because she didn't finish the job doesn't mean she didn't nearly kill her fucking son. also i do believe posession still somehow had to be involved or some other whimsical form of fuckery, because how else would milo be able to stay alive with his throat gouged the way it was?

but i have to address the actual topic here rather than beating around the bush: why did mary approach her thought-to-be-dead son rather than running? her whole character is running, it'd make sense for her to just hang up while she can, pack her bags, and get as far from her old place of residence as she could.

what i find my personal answer to be is that she has two mildly contrasting character traits. while she only knows how to burn bridges and run, she also is burning with knowledge on her situation. the fact milo may have information on mr. scars (someone who, according to her notes, had been horrifying and stalking her since childhood). her curiosity, her drive to want to know more, to eradicate as much of the collective as she can, overtook her want to run.

even more interestingly, i think its fascinating the one time she DOESN'T run is the one thing that kills her, the one time she doesn't burn a bridge.

idk, lmk if u have more to say or if this is incomprehensible. fellow mary thinker i am GETTING U I AM GETTING U (/j)

#tw tribetwelve #tribetwelve #mary asher #milomamu

[archangelween]

The Harrowing of Hell

The bookshop attack in s2 is the harrowing of hell. When Jesus was executed and went to hell, all the people who were there only for apple related sins were released to heaven, because Jesus's death paid the price.

Throughout s2, Gabriel and Crowley play the parts of the Christ figure going through the Passion. In GO, god is painted as a horror; when she meddles, people live hell on earth: Job's trial and Jesus's life. Lives are nothing but pawns and playthings to her. This is borne out in the Passion metaphor as Shax bringing hell to earth with Soho choking on the same green gas of hell as the ball starts: the bookshop representing the earth as a prison and humanity as god's criminals and pawns, hell waiting outside to claim all who leave, aka all those who leave the prison of the earth in death--as we see happen to Mr. Brown.

Part of the Passion is when the crowd is allowed to choose between two criminals for execution, one to die and one to be "released": Jesus and Barabbas. These parts are played by Jim and Mr. Brown. Jim tries to leave, and is rejected: sent back to earth, sent back to prison, to die. Mr Brown is also "released", leaving the safety of the bookshop, and is tortured as his reward for trying to help, to save everyone else. It is important that he's calling for help: god does not answer the call. Shax also isn't allowed to attack humans: perhaps the torture part of hell isn't part of the divine plan, and is something the demons thought up themselves, just as falling was something the angels thought up themselves. If people simply started showing up in hell after they died, and demons had been told they were damned by the angels who took heaven for themselves and tortured the demons who lost the war, what else would demons do but apply the same torture given them by the angels?

In the harrowing of hell, Jesus fights Satan/demons and the righteous from before Jesus's death are released from the prison of hell. The bookshop represents both this prison but also stands for all of earth: none of humanity deserve hell, no matter their crimes. The ball plays into this: on earth, people dance to god's demands, unable to make their own choices, unable to hide their true nature from god--dressed in the clothes god gives them, their own emotions and beliefs suppressed before god, as Aziraphale gave everyone different clothes and spelled them to be happy. Because they dance to god's music, because they cannot make their own choices--all of them are there because god deceived them and didn't tell them why they're really there, just as Aziraphale lied and bribed them to come to the ball--they are damned for god's own behavior, not their own. Entrapment, essentially. Just like Job. There is no way they could have passed on the ball and thus avoided being threatened; there is no way humans could avoid hell.

Aziraphale doesn't listen as Crowley tries to tell him something is wrong, just as Crowley had tried to tell god herself her plans were wrong and wasn't heeded.

When Jesus leaves hell, some traditions hold that his body and soul stayed in hell, and only the essence of his divinity goes to heaven: Jim returns to the bookshop after rejection by Shax, and it is Crowley who leads the humans out of the bookshop, past the demons, and goes to heaven. When Crowley returns to earth, Aziraphale is surprised, standing in for Mary Magdalene who was the first to find Christ resurrected: you came back.

Three humans are left behind as Crowley leaves: Mr Brown, Nina and Maggie. This is foreshadowing for the second coming, s3. Mr. Brown represents the humans killed by the apocalypse, and gets resurrected when Crowley returns, after all is put to rights. Nina and Maggie are the humans left on earth after the second coming who will hold off hell and protect the earth, aided by none. Mr. Brown does not remember where he was or what happened, but Nina and Maggie cannot be made to forget, nor can any of the humans who were saved: they will never go back to the innocent state of ignorance of god's games. They have left Eden, left innocence, left ignorance. They've taken the apple: the angels try to smite them as they stand in the shop with heaven and hell around them, but Crowley finally gets them out: even the people who don't deserve salvation (Nina and Maggie, who I still think represent God and Satan this season), and even the people long dead and destroyed in the mines of hell (Mr Brown). Mr Brown need not have been literally killed for this metaphor to work. I think he was, but it doesn't matter to the metaphor.

There's an interesting bit about the harrowing of hell in the bible. Theologians think god's kingdom applies equally to the dead, the damned, as it does to the living, due to the following parallel verses:

"If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. And if Satan has risen up against himself and is divided, he cannot stand, but his end has come. But no one can enter a strong man’s house and plunder his property without first tying up the strong man; then indeed the house can be plundered."

For God to win out, Satan must fall totally. Thus it is believed that even the most damned may reach salvation through Jesus, not only those living after Jesus, because so long as there is hell then Satan has power, and thus God cannot win out. This "house divided" traditionally refers to evil containing the seeds of its own destruction.

We have heard of this in GO: the apocalypse is written, and there are several themes about needing to unite together in order to win out over "the system".

I think the "house divided" applies to heaven itself: divided between heaven and hell, the universe cannot stand and will fall to the apocalypse. To stop the apocalypse, heaven and hell have to lay down their division. Only then will creation be safe. That's why the apocalypse was written from the beginning: this was planned. There were chances to avert it, but none chose to. God tied them up and damned them, literally, then blamed her plans on those she hamstrung.

#good omens #harrowing of hell

[omori-aus-archive]

The Real Me

Heyo. This is a mini-fic based on the Reigen Confession scene from Mob Psycho 100. This is basically an alternate take on the Good and Bad Endings.

Special thanks to @some-mari-thoughts/@ksenya-and-the-artistic-cucumber and @sapgoon for giving me the confidence to do this thing. Enjoy.

------------------------------------------

Mari sat at the edge of Sunny's hospital bed, giving her brother a sad expression, before letting out a shaky sigh.

How did things come to this....? WHY did they turn out like this....?

She tried her damnedest to help her brother and Basil overcome what happened to her, but.... They ended up fighting....! They could have killed themselves or each other!

The dead girl felt like she was failing her brother and their friends.... Again. Just like she almost did when Sunny nearly drowned. Just like she did when she failed to notice that Sunny simply wanted to spend time with her.

Mari let out a quiet sob, whispering apology after apology.

As far as she was concerned, she had no excuses for letting her perfectionism taking control in those days.

God, she hated what she was like back then....

She turned towards Sunny, before holding his hand as she slept beside him.

She tried her damnedest to help her brother. And now....all she could do was wait.

--------------------------------------

Eventually, Mari woke up, only to notice that her brother was missing from the hospital room. Quickly, she got to her feet and rushed out of the room.

In hopes that Sunny decided to tell the truth, she went to Basil's room.... Only to find that the blonde was still unconscious....with only Hero, Aubrey, and Kel by his side.

The dead girl then went back into the hallway in confusion, before turning at the sound of the loud creek of a door.

There, to her shock, she would find Sunny going through a door that lead towards the rooftop.

Shock turned into worry, which then turned to fear as she followed the boy. Mari knew exactly what the boy was planning to do.

And she had strong suspicions that Sunny was not in control.

....

....

Eventually, the dead girl caught up with her brother, witnessing him slowly head towards the edge of the roof.

Mari quickly looked around, before noticing supplies that she assumed were left by the window cleaners.

She immediately took a hold of a squeegee, before standing in front her brother and using it to keep him from going forward.

Judging by the blank look in his eyes, Mari was certain that Omori was in the pilot's seat right now, meaning her attempts to help Sunny would prove to be very challenging.

"Sunny!" Mari called out. "Little brother, please don't do this! Basil and Mom still need you! Our friends need you!"

Much to her surprise, Omori responded, "They won't forgive him. He, his mother, and your friends loved you. And he killed you."

"YOU loved him and he killed you." He said with a steely gaze, slowly pushing the squeegee back. "He should just die."

....

....

Those four words were like a knife stabbing Mari directly in the heart.

The boy pushed again, bringing up memories of the accident....and the argument that she dreaded and regretted for four long years....

An argument that she could have prevented if she didn't let her perfectionism take control that day....or that month. Or year.

Then an idea popped in the dead girl's mind.

It was risky, but there was one last thing she COULD do to save her brother.

"The truth then...." She whispered, catching Omori's attention. He stepped back, before asking, "Truth....?"

Mari nodded, "Please hear me, Sunny.... The truth is....I.... I wasn't...." A lump formed in the throat, which she forced down with a swallow.

Finally with tears forming in her eyes, she desperately shouted, "I am NOT perfect! I wasn't and NEVER will be!"

There was silence as the boy's lone working eye widened in shock, before he froze, arms going limp. Mari dropped the squeegee, before giving a shaky sigh.

Sunny and Omori had been split once more. Unable to control the body as they just looked at Mari and listened.

"I'm not perfect. I was never perfect. Right from the start...." She said, a few tears running down her face.

All she received was a silent stare. Obviously, both Sunny and Omori were not expecting the dead girl to say this.

Mari eventually settled down enough to continue speaking, "You remember what Dad was like. Strict. Demanding. Probably a believer of the tough love shit...."

"He treated me like I was some sort of golden child...." The dead girl explained quietly. "Pressuring you and I to be perfect. For our "own good"...."

She then sighed, "I guess that's how I got my perfectionist attitude when we were younger." "Since then, until I....died....I was trying to be perfect, believing that it'd be for our benefit." She added.

She then lowered her head with a sad expression, "But the truth is....all that attitude has done is cause more harm than good, without me realizing it."

Her brother's expression saddened as well, remembering every rare moment that Mari's perfectionism showed its ugly mug.

"And....that's the real me...." Mari stated, looking up at Sunny in the eye as she gave an apologetic expression. "I'm sorry I had the gull to call myself your sister.... And the gull to make everything perfect...."

She then held her brother's shoulders, "But please listen to me a little longer." "What you're going through doesn't make you different, Sunny. We ALL have another side." The dead girl explained.

The dead girl gave a sad smile, "It'd....be too much to ask you not to worry, but it's natural to be concerned. Everyone feels that way."

"I know it's obvious, but just our secret....I HATE the side of me that desired perfection." She explained.

She then sighed, "Basically, what I'm trying to get at is.... Well...." "You and I are fine. Just as we are." Mari said with an honest smile, gently rubbing the boy's shoulder in reassurance.

"You don't need me or anyone else to help you with accepting yourself, the truth, or anything else." She said with confidence. "You got this! All it takes is the courage to do so. You have that in spades."

"I know you can handle this easily." Mari said, her smile brimming with hope and confidence. "You're my little brother, Sunny. You're the one who helped me in my darkest times."

....

....

In the darkest parts of his mind, Sunny called out to Omori, "You heard what she said.... Are you ready?" "Are you actually going to accept this? This truth?" His doppelganger asked, receiving a hum in return.

"Yeah. But it's....more than just that. I want you and I to accept each other too." The boy explained hesitantly, choosing his words cautiously. "We're....two halves of a whole, essentially. I think it's time....to go back to how we were before."

Omori shook his head in concern, "No.... No! W-We don't know how everything will turn out....!" "You're right. But I have faith that the others will understand...." Sunny said, before giving a sad sigh.

"Even if it takes months or years...." He added somberly.

The black nothingness around the lookalikes slowly transitioned to white as Sunny stood in front of Omori, before holding out his hand. He then gave a hopeful smile, "Let's try it. For Mari."

Omori took a heavy swallow, before reluctantly taking Sunny's hand.

....

....

Mari stared at her brother anxiously. It had been a few minutes now.

Did she screw up again? By being honest with her views on herself?

The boy then blinked, catching the dead girl's attention. "Sunny....?" She whispered, watching the boy look up at her.

Tears formed in Sunny's good eye, before whispering, "I'm sorry...." "I'm so sorry...." He whispered, before Mari hugged him. Well, as best she could as a ghost anyway....

"You know....that I have forgiven you from the get-go, right....?" She asked, receiving a small nod. "Please be honest. Do you forgive me....?"

The boy nodded again, taking deep breaths to calm his tears. He honestly didn't think he should be forgiven.... Though a part of him felt like Mari felt the same about herself.

....

....

A part of him felt like she believed herself to not deserve forgiveness.

Some time passed by quietly as Mari just whispered words of forgiveness and unconditional love to her brother.

Eventually, the boy settled down enough to speak again, wiping his tears with a sniffle. "I missed you...." He whispered. Mari attempted to hug her brother again with a sad expression, "I missed you too, sunshine."

She then pulled back, attempting to hold her brother's hand, "Are you ready? To tell them the truth?" "No." The boy admitted, taking a heavy sigh. "But I....don't have a choice...."

Mari gave a remorseful nod, attempting to give a reassuring smile. "Whatever happens....I'll be by your side. Okay?" Sunny gave a small nod, before asking, "Will you be there for me....? When I tell them?"

"I'll always be here for you." The dead girl whispered with a firm nod.

A few moments of silence passed, before Sunny took a deep breath as he walked back down into the building. Mari guided him to Basil's room, before going into the room.

The blonde was still unconscious, while Hero, Kel, and Aubrey looked at Sunny in shock and concern.

Mari wrapped her arms around her brother, "I'm not going anywhere." The boy gave a shaky breath, before looking at the trio and saying with a sad tone.

"I have something to tell you...."

#mob psycho 100 #based on it actually #omori #mari omori #omori mari #omori sunny #sunny omori #tw hospital setting #omori (character)

[sweetbitterimpossiblecreature]

A Brief And Concise Summary Of Is Wrong With The ACOTAR Series

I think we can agree that a lot of ACOTAR is pretty iffy. Consider this a very brief refresher.

What's Wrong With Feyre/Rhysand (juxtaposed against Feyre/Tamlin)

Rhysand drugs and sexually assaults her in Book 1

This is "for her own good". Because he "has no choice". Despite the fact that, from what we know of the plot, Amarantha thinks that Clare Beddor was the one Rhysand was diddling, and is only interested in Feyre because Rhysand, "her" man male, has taken an interest in her.

If we extrapolate from this we can figure that Rhysand is the one directly putting her into danger.

Now, let's be clear: drugging someone is bad. Sexually assaulting someone is bad. One could argue there were extenuating circumstances. But if, in such a situation, what your mind goes to is "I know, I should assault this person... for their safety" I have questions about your moral qualities. There were a million things he could have done. He could have done whatever he did to Clare - that is, remove her ability to feel any pain - easily. He could have helped her escape. Under The Mountain, he - while still there unwillingly - has a lot of power, as Amarantha's side piece. Maybe this would have resulted in him being punished- however, he is hundreds of years old and a badass motherfucker, and she is a nineteen year old human girl.

Now, onto Tamlin. Obviously not a lot of people really ship F/T anymore after ACOMAF, because compared to F/R, it's boring. I read another person's post about it, which was very enlightening: they said that Feyre's personality is essentially a mirror. When she is with Rhysand, she's snarky and malicious- because she is "bouncing off" his energy. When she's with Mor she's super feminist and "in awe of her strength". On the other hand, Tamlin is kind of an empty character. He's a pretty boy with anger issues, which should be more interesting than it is. SJM manages to make him bland. Because Feyre has nothing to bounce off of, (a lot of this is from the person's post), she and Tamlin together is mainly just him introducing her to his world.

What Tamlin Does: prevents a skinny twenty year old from going on dangerous missions with him and combat-trained soldiers, accidentally blows up a room with her in it, and, at the end, prevents her from leaving the house.

This is not a Tamlin apologist post. Obviously it was really fucking gross of him to do that, and their relationship was toxic. However, a lot of his abuse stems from their inability to communicate, as well as own negligence. He does not knowingly and purposefully sexually assault her or rape her mind. And tbh, leaving a girl without combat training at home while he goes on missions with a bunch of muscled sentries is... kind of reasonable?

Again: not a Tamlin apologist post. It was abuse. However, if Rhysand is "allowed" to sexually assault, mind-rape, and drug Feyre "for her own safety", why is Tamlin demonized for preventing her from leaving his mansion "for her own safety"?

Another pertinent point: Rhys is never punished for sexually assaulting her. It is brushed off as part of his "mask" or that his hand was forced. Jesus Christ my dudes, his hand was not forced under her skirt. If he has to maintain his gross rapist abuser tyrant oppressor mask... why? Who did that benefit beside him? None of his actions remotely helped Prythian. They were done solely for his buddies - five people safe in a rich hidden city - and no one else, which is explicitly stated.

Finally, the power dynamic is fucked up. Feyre is less than twenty five years old. Rhysand is 500. There is a tendency in fantasy romance to romanticize a centuries year old man with a young girl, because the man does not show symptoms of age, and so it is easily ignorable. However, can we just briefly acknowledge how fucked up it is? Rhys is over five times older than Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, and other known predators/abusers. She is twenty. That is really fucking gross. She is in a vulnerable position and he takes rampant advantage of that.

If he had wrinkles, liver problems, and erectile dysfunction, more people would acknowledge it.

Let's be clear: I'm not saying writing a book with an uneven power dynamic is automatically bad. For example, in The Locked Tomb series, which is in my opinion THE BEST FANTASY SERIES THAT HAS GRACED THIS EARTH (lol i'm starting fires), one main character Harrowhark Nonagesimus is in a position of power over Gideon Nav, the other main character. However, this is not glossed over or romanticized. Gideon resents Harrow for this- there is a relationship of mutual antagonism, fraught with unwilling familiarity and intimacy from growing up together. They are roughly the same age. While there is a certain power dynamic (in that world, there is a dynamic of necromancer and cavalier, i.e. sorcerer and sword) the "empowered" character (Harrow) emphatically respects her and does not abuse this power, although both would of course deny this, and she does make a show of threatening and being aloof. In short, while Gideon obeys her, Gideon also has power over Harrow, and the idea of what is essentially slavery is not romanticized.

Feyre Doesn't Face Any Consequences For Her Own Actions

Let me present a radical notion: a guy preventing you from leaving his house does not justify completely fucking ruining his country and harming the people inside it.

In other words: Tamlin does not deserve what she did to him.

I know that sounds iffy. We're conditioned to think that if someone is an abuser, then they are the scum of the earth, they deserve to die, torturing/murdering/doing anything to them is completely A-OK. However, here's another radical notion: someone harming you does not justify you doing worse.

Obviously, the effects of psychological abuse can cause you to hurt other people (see: Nesta), but Feyre deliberately and maliciously (oh, God, that insufferable POV of her in Spring Court; she reads like a cartoonish Disney villain) dismantles his country. She uses sexual manipulation (Lucien), torture (causing the sentry to be whipped), and mind-rape (who didn't she do this to? lol).

A summary of the entire first half of ACOWAR: "It smelled like roses. I hated roses. For this capital offense against my olfactory system, Tamlin and the entire Spring Court deserved to burn in hell. I knew exactly what I was doing. I smiled at him sweetly: no longer a doe, but a wolf. He didn't see my fangs.............." *aesthetic noises*

Man. I'm starting to think SJM had a horrible experience at a Bath & Body Works and took it out on the rest of us. Don't do it, Sarah!! I know Pink Chiffon and Triple Berry Martini are way too strong, but don't take it out on an innocent population!!

She steals from Summer Court (there are, yk, other solutions to theft. Like maybe asking politely) and ruins Spring Court. Her boyfriend - yeesh sorry, MATE - does nothing while a dozen Winter Court children are murdered.

Now: moral ambiguity is not automatically bad. Again using The Locked Tomb as an example, in the second book (spoiler alert), Harrowhark has a sort of moral ambiguity. She was raised from the beginning to worship the King Undying as God, and so she obeys him without question. Because of this, she commits a lot of crimes in His name: she "flips" - i.e. kills - the life force of planets, and she plots murder (albeit the murder of someone who tried to kill her first). There is no attempt to justify this. There is also no attempt to paint her as a virtuous and yet also badass Madonna figure. She is desperate, plagued with the "wreck of herself", and the book clearly displays her moral pitfalls. While her POV is of course colored by her mindset, it also is limited by her lack of information, and we as readers can acknowledge that.

BACK TO ACOTAR: Feyre is seen by everyone as gorgeous, formidable, and essentially perfect. Rhys sees her as flawless, "made for him", wonderful, beautiful, blah blah blah. (THEY ARE SO BAD FOR EACH OTHER; THEY EXCUSE AND GLORIFY EACH OTHER'S CRIMES, IT'S SO BAD, GUYYYS). Tamlin is insanely batshit in love with her, or whatever. To the Night Court she's the High Lady. In this way she personifies the Mary Sue character. (Excerpt from the TV Tropes page on Mary Sues: "She's exotically beautiful, often having an unusual hair or eye color, and has a similarly cool and exotic name. She's exceptionally talented in an implausibly wide variety of areas, and may possess skills that are rare or nonexistent in the canon setting. She also lacks any realistic, or at least story-relevant, character flaws — either that or her "flaws" are obviously meant to be endearing. She has an unusual and dramatic Back Story. The canon protagonists are all overwhelmed with admiration for her beauty, wit, courage and other virtues, and are quick to adopt her as one of their True Companions, even characters who are usually antisocial and untrusting; if any character doesn't love her, that character gets an extremely unsympathetic portrayal." Sound familiar?)

There is the Ourobous scene. And yet, paradoxically, while presented as an acknowledgment of her flaws, it is in fact a rejection of them. She sees her own brutality... and instead of recognizing that she has these deep, deep moral flaws and realizing that she needs to grow and be better, she in fact "accepts" them.

Guys: Self love means: "I'm important to me, so I'm going to get a massage today after work", or "heck, why not splurge on some expensive lotion, you only live once" or "you know what? I had a tough day today. I'm going to get that strawberry cupcake". SELF LOVE DOES NOT MEAN "oh, I accept all the war crimes I have done, I love myself". LOVING YOURSELF DOES NOT MEAN ABSOLVING YOURSELF OF ALL WRONGDOING.

It's this refusal to acknowledge wrongdoing that is so grating about ACOTAR. It's so goddamn one-sided. And you can tell that after Book 1, SJM decided to completely change the trajectory simply because of how jarring Book 2 reads compared to the first one.

Also: Feyre is a very, very young girl (compared to the other ruling fey) who did not know how to read for the majority of her life. She has no experience whatsoever in politics. Her being High Lady is not a win for feminism.

Rhysand: He Sucks

First, he is 500 years old. He should be written as such, not as some 20 year old virile frat boy feminist. Fantasy is all the more compelling for its elements of realism, which is a concept that SJM does not appear to grasp.

Second of all, his morals are absurd. He is written as the Second Coming of Christ, as someone who can do no wrong, ever, and his flaws only serve to make Feyre love him more. Anything shitty he does is written as part of his "mask" and she can See Beneath It and knows that it "hurts" him to maintain this "mask".

Fellas, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAINTAIN THIS MASK???? There is no reason for it. If A) he does not give a shit about Court of Nightmares (we'll get back to that), only about Velaris, and B) Velaris is hidden/protected from the world, what is he pretending for?

It would not hurt him politically to be seen as someone who cares about his country.

"Pretending" to be "Amarantha's whore" does not in any way shape or form benefit the macro-world that is Prythian. In Amarantha's name, he commits atrocities. He commits war crimes; he systemically oppresses entire societies. It doesn't even really benefit Velaris, because Velaris is already hidden.

Let me put this in a real-world perspective. This would be like if Donald Trump was suddenly like: "I know I was a shitty president but IT WAS ALL PART OF MY MASK, WHICH WAS TO PROTECT THIS MICROCOSM OF PRIVILEGED PEOPLE THAT I CARE ABOUT". Like: okay? Sorry, or whatever, but I don't actually give a shit. What about the parents of the children who died? What about Clare Beddor? What about the people who were held in slavery, murdered, tortured?

Rhysand: omg it sucks that my cousin Mor was oppressed by this toxic misogynistic culture from the Court of Nightmares.

Also Rhysand: lol whatever, who gives a shit about Court of Nightmares. They all suck. They meanie. Lol what did you say? That there might be other girls just like Mor who are oppressed by this system? Lol whatever. I can't do anything, I gotta maintain my Mask. I gotta sit on this throne and show the entire Court that not respecting women is completely okay.

In summary: by parading Feyre around as his "whore" (!!) he demonstrates by example that it is completely okay for the Court of Nightmares to abuse their women.

A good ruler cares about all his people. Rhysand cares about a tiny tiny fraction of his people: those who were fortunate enough to be born into Velaris.

God, I'm exhausted. Onto Nesta:

The only character who successfully breaks the Mary Sue effect Feyre exerts on her people is Nesta. Her POV for the first half is a joy to read.

Obviously it sucks that Nesta was a huge bitch to Feyre for the beginning of her childhood. However, it was wrong for Rhysand to threaten her- he is a man male with a huge insane amount of power, and it is not okay for him to threaten to bring the brunt of it down on a young girl because she was a bitch to his girlfriend.

I've seen a lot of discourse on the morality of F/R sending her out of Velaris. Here is my two cents:

It was okay for them to cut her off of their money. If they don't want to enable her self-harm, that is their choice. Again, it's their money, even if it wasn't fairly earned (Rhysand born into an enormous fortune).

It was not okay for them to banish her from Velaris with the implication that she was an embarrassment. Let me explain.

If Rhysand and Feyre are talking to her as sister/brother-in-law, then that is that. They have the complete right to express disapproval and try to help. However, they should not be using their royal privilege against her.

If they are talking to her as ruler to subject, then they have the power to banish her from the city. However, a ruler would not give a shit about a random subject getting drunk and having sex. So, they should not be talking her about her problems as a ruler to subject.

I've heard it compared to her being sent to rehab. However, rehab is a system designed to help people with certain problems. It has specialized medical centers and involves therapy. Nesta gets her life threatened multiple times. It is not rehab.

In summary: why did SJM inflict this upon us. Throne of Glass was actually good! GAHHH! After the first few books she completely whipped around and introduced the idea of males and mates and fey and that C is actually A and the quality took a huge nosedive. Sigh.

Final horrible but unmistakable truth: The entire ACOTAR series reads like a bad A/B/O fic. I hate to say it but it's true. We're lucky there were no heat cycles. OH WAIT

#anti sjm #anti rhysand #anti acotar #anti acofas #anti acomaf #anti everything #anti feyre #to some extent #mentioned: the locked tomb #mentioned: gideon the ninth #mentioned: harrowhark nonagesimus #anti #strongly anti #pan-int #that's my ao3 tag! #meta #my post

[jovnie]

The king's arrogance | Namjoon

Summary

The King had knowledge on everything and one in his castle, however he knew nothing of the kingdom he ruled before him. That was till one day he left and found you a street merchant.

Words 5k

Namjoon king au! Reader civilian!

Warnings: fluff, cocky joon, medium amount of smut, mentions of parent death, creampie, oral ( female ), big-dick Joon, nonconsensual touches, creampie, rough sex, lot of plot. Very quick relationship.

I beg that you listen to The mary go round from the moving castle [ slowed ] when reading. I think you'll enjoy it even more with it in the background.

Namjoon sat on the throne, laid back and legs spread apart as a servant read him his to-do list for today.

"Well sir, today starts the month planning of the ball. We have a few colors I'm sure you'll enjoy, however, I'm sorry to inform you that the family members that shouldn't be named threatened third way onto the guest list" the man spoke in fear, nodding and sighing namjoon dismissed the servant with talks of the guest later.

"Mrs. Pot is the tea almost ready?" He asked kindly as the elder Korean lady nodded with a bright smile. Smiling softly, the older lady pinched his cheeks softly.

"I still remember when you were a baby and your late parents running you from tea session to tea session. Oh, how I'm sure you miss them as much as I " her smile faded, as she poured the tea on the table in front of him.

"I do, it's been 18 years now. Since I was 10 I believe, so right 18 years. I'm sure they would've loved to taste this freshly poured tea once again" he reassured, rubbing her back and once done taking a sip with her.

"I'll make sure to clean the alter table later and pour some tea with them" she smiled delicately, as took a drink of her tea.

That was right this year would make it the 18th anniversary of his parent's passing ever since the flood. It was heartbreaking, as his eyes dimmed in sadness the older lady pinched his cheek as he smiled with a tear down his cheek.

"Now don't go soft on me Namjoon, you have to stay strong for those who can't and I know it all hurts. But they'll be watching you like garden spirits. I know your mother is very proud and your father knowing how much a man and a king you have become. Now I have to go, it's time for me to go tend the gardens. Goodbye joonie" she waved, after collecting the empty teacups snd pots. Watching her wheel everything away, namjoon felt comforted by her words and took a deep breath before getting up and moving on with his day.

He spent the day testing and looking at fabrics, color swatches, and paper samples. The ball, gala, or celebration was very important for the kingdom. They only three one when it was important and this time it was a celebration of life once lived aka his parent's death date. September 4th. This day celebrated life and death, just like fall. He loved the metaphor behind it and hated how true love ended so quickly in his eyes. However he too wishes to be able to die with the one he loved dearly by his side, he hated how romantic it sounded and how bad he wanted it. Love wasn't an easy game and not once could he find someone who commented with him in a deep, if not spiritual way.

Itching the back of his head, he walked on and into his room. He had another busy schedule ahead of him. Sometimes he just wished he could live amongst the people for a day. That's what he'll do. Looking around for his leather satchel, he put together what he called a commoners bag. A bag that contained money, an id, and a diary. Looking around for clothes that seemed passable for a commoner and changed into them. From there he grabbed his stuff and snuck his way out of the Castle through the bag. He made sure Mrs. Pot knew where he was just in case this would get him in trouble. After all, the family would show up unexpectedly most of the time and he had people watch his every move as well.

Making sure his hat covered all of his hair, he walked into the street lights and found a carriage ride who was going home or into the city. He paid the guy and let him into the buggy and the city.

Namjoon did this for a weak till he knew the ropes of running out of the kingdom St night, he tried his best to avoid getting caught with the knight guards and the pesticide workers who showed nd yelled deals in his face. He also learned patience along with that, another valuable lesson needed as a king or so he was taught.

One night he went into a low-lit bar with entertainers. Majory we're female and drove the men in the room wild. He's had his fee share of women, but not when it came to this level. He found it charming and often sent gifts to them for their hard work. From the kingdom's guards and not him personally. Still, he ordered rice wine snd some jerky, before leaving. leaving a lady much shorter than him, bumped into his shoulder.

"Guards there's the thrift!" A younger woman pointed, as the men ran after her. Wanting to know what was up, he walked up to the merchant and simply asked. You explained that the woman was a theft, they would steal all her family food at night to make their profit.

"I'm sure you can be more um what are these?" He asked, picking up the food he's never seen before.

"Fruit?" You questioned grabbing the lemon out of his hand. "Well shops closed sir, come back tomorrow and you can buy our lovely fruit," you said kindly, walking up the stairs in this wooden place. Following you, namjoon closed the door behind and also walked up. Namjoon didn't know much manners, but he had the basics for a king. However, to a common person like you, he was a pest, rude, etc.

"Um, what are you doing?" you asked folding sheets for your bed up.

"It's nighttime aren't you gonna ask me to stay and wait till morning?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I supposed. By the way, there's a futon bed over there. I'll make dinner soon then!" you welcomed, as namjoon looked ok confusion at what the blanket on the floor was trying to imitate. Taking off his shoes, he placed his bag on the 'futon' and hung his jacket and hat on the hanger by the door.

Arriving back you blushed hard, as a beautiful looking man was now clear in your view. Luckily for namjoon, you had no money to spend on papers like everyone else or let alone money to go to the balls either. Therefore you had no clue that this man was a noble, let alone the king. If you did you would've just died at how you just treated him.

"It's beef and seaweed soup, with carrots and onions" you listed off as you placed the bowl on the floor diner table. Placing a spoon and a napkin on the side, you forgot the drink. Walking away you grabbed him a cup and poured lemonade in, before walking back. On your arrival, you saw him going to town on the meal. He slurped and moaned as he complimented your cooking. Chuckling, you sat the glass of lemonade down and took the napkin to wipe his chin and cheek. Placing it down, you watched him continue and enjoy it. Although there was only enough for his, you still had something to eat. You simply had bread and butter with some lemonade as well.

It took him a bit to notice you didn't have a bowl which made him feel a bit guilty but instead handed her 30 ₩ which was a lot during that time. Not wanting to take it, he "accidentally " dropped it down your bra and smiled.

"Well it's late, we should sleep and then go out to shop for food and new clothes" the man spoke.

"I'm sorry but I don't know you, how do I not know you're not trying to kidnap me or steal or worse kill me!" You mentioned as the older man stripped off his shirt.

"You don't have to, just know ill help you and accept the gift" he spoke, pitting his clothes beside him.

"Excuse you, you don't come in someone's house and act like this. Do you even have manners?" You added in frustration.

"I paid you, it wasn't a gift. It was a payment and I can tell you've never gotten one" he snickered, laying on the futon snd taking your cover. Annoyed at the man, you crossed your arm as he mouth "you have a problem?"

"Yes, I do! What's your name to begin with?" You asked, laughing it off he closed his eyes.

"Surprised you don't know and it'll stay like that for a bit darling" he whispered, moving over he patted next to him. "Sleep with me"

"No! I don't sleep with strangers like that, unlike you I have honor " you mentioned, getting up to go change into something appropriate for bed. Once done, you came back and he was still in the same position as before.

"I think I demanded that. besides I can ruin this little shop of yours if you don't. " he threatened, looking at his nails snd then at her. Well dressed and groomed man, you could visibly see the power he likely had. This was your mother's business and you promised her you would take care of it. Saddened you laid down next to him and whispered "please don't, this is all I have left."

"So we're on the same page I believe, no?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yes," he replied. She felt uncomfortable and annoyed at the fact she had to do this for a business. Let alone a man, then again the men weren't always so kind to the women here, most always. She sighed and just accepted it, as he covered the two up.

"Call me Joon, " be whispered in your ear. Nodding, his hands traveled up and down your wist. Coughing, he halted then stopped after finding a comfy place to lay his hand.

"Do you do this with every woman?" You asked, curious.

"Well the last time I had a woman in my arms, she tried to advance me in marriage" he mentioned, putting his neck in-between your shoulder and neck.

"I do however have experience If that's what your aim is?" He said softly.

"Not really, I mean if a stranger just threatened your job and made you do this. Along with inappropriate touching for people who just met, I'd believe you'd be the class below poverty. Not a king not noble" you told, unexpectedly holding his arm between your breast.

Noticing, namjoon's cheeks flushed red. Luckily the lantern. Was behind him and not in front, so she couldn't see. "Toché" he replied.

"However I can see you've had a bad experience with men hmm?" He asked, softly brushing his nose on her neck.

"So you're not around here I see, well yes every guy here is just shit. Rude snd ignorant as you" you huffed, as raised an eyebrow.

"I'll give you that, feminist huh. Cute, haven't met one till you" he smiled, intrigued. "It seems like I've violated it huh, touching you snd acting sloppy" he added, moving your hair out your face.

"Glad you noticed, now turn the candle out!" you demanded, closing your eyes. Doing just that, he then wrapped his leg around you snd kissed your cheek.

"Good night"

Morning came, as the two of you laid there comfortable in each other's embrace. With him being the first to wake up, he tapped your shoulder and you woke up soonly after him. Yawing and stretching, you made sure your hand hit him on purpose.

"Sorry," you said coy, as he rolled his eyes up and shrugged it off.

"So when's breakfast?" He asked, getting up as you realized he had just worn cotton briefs. One's that we're expensive and that added more mystery to him. Why was someone who could've been from a noble family be here and threatened for his stay? Then the thought of maybe it's all stolen.

"The time?" He asked waving his hands over your face as you realized you had zoned out.

"Sorry, we have to go get food and we can buy food at the square." You mentioned.

"Where's the bathroom?" He asked, you pointed to the medium-sized room across from him. The place was small and combined, so you could see the kitchen from the bed area and a mini living room. Nodding off he grabbed his clothes snd began using the pump to pump water into the bath.

"Don't use all the water!" You yelled.

"I can and make you join me" he yelled back, smirking.

"No ill make you get more water from the lake behind here" you replied, itching your hair.

"Don't you have to get more water anyways, less work" he mentioned, leaving the door open and sitting in the tub? This man was quite weird when it came to flirting, it somewhat seemed motherly and innocent. However on the other hand, overly sexual and mysterious.

"Fine" you huffed, striping and walking towards the tub. That's when that harsh look he had softened and turned into a stare. There you were in front of him, naked snd he took every moment to vies your body. He saw how thick your hair was and how curvy your body was. He liked that, he paid attention to how big your breast was and the fact it looked like you haven't trimmed in a week. Which meant you looked old enough for him to do special things with.

"How old are you?" he questioned.

"I love how you did all of this without asking' she rolled her eyes, trying to muster a pony 0tail with the length and thickness of her hair.

"Turning 20 next month!" she replied excitedly.

"28 next month as well" he replied, breathing out the air he had subconsciously kept in. Getting in, she sat in front of him, covering her chest with her knees.

"I can still see you!" he laughed, grabbing the soap from the tray. Washing his body first, he took his hands and spread her legs open and washed below and around her arms and chest.

"Open," he said, waiting. Opening your arms you rolled your eyes and he splashed you with water. "Manners young lady " he mentioned. Knowing he's right, you sighed. Your father once told you the same when he was alive and because of that "Joon" reminded you of your father a bit. He acted mature and young simultaneously.

Washing your arms and your thighs, you washed off the soap on his neck and took the plug out to drain the dirty water. Placing the soap down, he spread his legs open and you accidentally saw something you shouldn't have. Frightened and embraced, you blushed. Taking his hand and pushing your gaze to meet his. He smiled softly.

"It's fine, just don't get too threatened by it. I'm aware of the size," he mentioned, looking you in your eyes. Nodding, you this time pumped the water until it was all out. Cleaning the both of you, you couldn't help but feel shy snd flustered. He felt the same, only he knew how to hide it. But not everything he knew or wanted to hide.

He looked in your eyes, noticing a soft dismal look on you to which he replied with "tell me are you okay?" Thankful for the concern, you told him about your parents passing and the shop's importance to you was. He understood automatically and exchanged his parent's passing in less detail. He didn't think he'd meet with someone with such a familiar background as his, even if they were below Noble.

He took her hand and placed it on her chest. "They're here, I'm sure your mother would be proud of how you came out to be. So leave it at that" he smiles wildly, with his eyes closing shut a bit as he did. You were glad to hear that and he never thought that Mrs.pot's comfort would come in handy, but he's glad to say and share a similar message.

"Speaking of do you have an altar?" He asked gently, unplugging the water and helping you stand up. Nodding you pointed out the door to a small corner. He thanked you and grabbed both of you a towel. Getting dried and dressed you did your hair as he went over to pay the slightest respects. Smiling at how kind the gesture was, you walked over to the rack and tripped over your foot trying to hand him his stuff. You saw a journal fall out and your eyes met his.

"You're a journalist?" You questioned, fixing your dress and hair before getting up and handing his stuff.

"Yeah, not from here tho," he lied, dusting dirt from your shoulder. Nodding you both made your way down the stairs, as he took your hand. Noticing it, you smiled. You wondered why he was being nice to you all of the sudden, however, that all changed when a guard walked past by and he brought you to a kiss. Confused and his eyes waiting for them to go, you kissed back hesitantly. Letting go, you looked at him worried he shrugged it off and you walked him to the square.

Hand in Hand, you brought namjoon to the bakery. Looking around, he pointed out the most expensive bread on hand and paid. Thanking him, he leads your hand to the vendors outside. Lucky for you, he knew about gardening and what was good. He helped and taught you the basics snd you learned you've been scammed for years. Thanking him, you took him to a cart of flowers and smelled the fresh roses, looking up at him. He paid for the golden yellow rose bouquet. Now it was for his favorite part of the day, clothes shopping. But beforehand, he pulled you into a cafe.

"Two bags of your finest coffee," namjoon ordered, by now you shouldn't have been shocked at how much he could spend. But seeing him use more money than you've sent your entire life was a sight to see snd each time you were thankful. You had enough food and supplies to last week if not a month. Holding you close by him, you realized you warmed up to him and small gestures like that felt comforting to you. He noticed and did it more often.

Soon it was night and there was only, one dress store open. In there was a beige dress that sparkled in the shop's lights. Running to the window to look, you smiled. Feeling a hand on your back, he took a step in and pulled your hand in with him.

"Welcome to Gezels tailor and shop" the owner greeted. He was an older man with gray hair a fragile smile.

"Well take that dress in the window snd tailor it to her size. His much is it?" Namjoon asked, pulling his wallet for the last time today.

"₩ 10,000" the man spoke, paying upfront the older man invited you to the back room and told namjoon to stay upfront. Nodding, you walked ahead and namjoon sat in the chair. He had a diary to write about today's and yesterday's adventures. He started up about the bathtub time you shared snd imagined your body once again. If only he knew his to draw, he'd paint a pretty picture in the book. Soon after finishing his entry, you walked out with a note.

Note: the dress will be ready for you miss before dusk, come back tomorrow with your lover -Gezel tailor and shop

You handed it to namjoon and he read it, as the two walked out. Suddenly loud commotions of horses snd guards ran through the city with lights.

"The king's missing!" The horseman yelled into the square. Namjoon in a panic rushed you two into the forest nearby. Confused, but following him. You wondered if he had something to do with it, besides this wasn't the first time he ran away from the guards today.

"They can't find me or ill be in trouble, act like a lover, please. I'll pay you in gold when I can" he begged on his knees with his hat on his chest.

"Don't pay me, think of it as a token of my gratitude. I'll help, but you have to explain everything when we get back," you murmured, taking his hands and helping him out the dirt. Making you drop the food and his bag.

Suddenly, he gripped your body and jumped both of you in a lake as he heard the sounds of horses clamping. A sound you didn't even hear. Holding your head under the water, he waited for the light of the torch to leave the lake area before swimming the two of you up.

Taking deep breaths of air, the two of you swam to the doc snd he helped you up first before himself. Luckily, the food wasn't damaged. Frustrated, you grabbed the food and his bag as you walked home. Walking in, you kept the lights off snd went to the second floor.

Stripping you of your clothes snd placing the bags down, you watched him do the same. Forgetting you had to pump the water, he suggested he'd go do it and you nodded giving him directions snd within 30minutes he was done. Striping once again, he hugged your body to his chest. You soon felt tears on your neck and small crys, you rubbed his back snd just stood there till he let go.

"What's wrong?'" You asked concerned.

"I could've killed you!" he cried, remembering the look his mother gave him before dying in his arm. His father did the same thing to his mother, only on a ship in the middle of the sea. Hugging him, you rubbed his back and placed a kiss on his lips. Holding you to his chest, kissed you back, and laid back so your bare body laid on his.

"Let's wait to shower" he suggested, kissing your neck. Nodding your head no, he flipped you over on your stomach softly and trapped your legs with his. "Please?' He asked, leaning down on your level on the floor snd holding your chest in his hand. Agreeing, knowing what's about to happen you loosened up snd he turned you on your back.

His hands ran around your chest and thighs, leaning down to kiss your naked body as a slight moan came out. From there, he moved his lips to your mouth and softly moved yours to his hair. Taking note, you ran his fingers through his dark brown ones as the two of you danced with each other's tongue. Namjoon removed his lips snd traveled down south, gripping his hair in pleasure you moaned grinding your hips. Meanwhile, he took in a natural aroma, one he found arousing. Moving his tongue around the bud, he softly kissed your thighs leaving bruises.

Looking at your head tilting back snd eyes closed with heavy to light breathing. He took his pointer finger snd rubed softly in circles, moving his body to tower you with one arm. Noticing the shift of best around your neck, you felt his warm breath move down your neck and by your ear.

"Let me tell you something darling, I'm not who I say I am" he kissed around your neck, papering it in kisses. Hearing you moan, made him aroused by the minute. However he knew it was time to go back to the castle, only he wasn't going empty-handed. As your hands rubbed his back, he whispered "I'm Namjoon, they're looking for me, darling. Tonight the last night I can spend here so let's make it count" in a raspy tone.

In shock, he gave you a minute to calm down as he could hear your heart. "I'm sorry" he apologized.

"No need, but for whatever this may be for you. Just know I haven't done anything like this with anyone," you admitted. Humming he moved to the other ear and whispered "I like that, just know it will hurt after a few minutes snd then feel better or the pain could feel good!" he warned. Taking his warning, he gently rubed you as got on his knees and opened your legs wide. Watching as he did, you noticed he was fully erected at this point and ready. You closed your eyes snd tensed your muscles as he began to simply grind his tip into you.

He was right there was pain, which caused you to bleed a bit. However, it was enjoyable without a doubt. Soon he was able to put 6/9 inches in as he trusted slowly. Moaning under him, he moved his in circles biting his lower lip as looked at your fuller lips and leaned over and wrapped your legs around his waist. After a few moments of waiting for you to adjust, you thought about today snd how it was so obvious he was the king snd yet it flee by.

As you moaned loud, his thrusts began to speed up snd the two of you could hear the sounds of his hips banging into yours snd your ass as he went faster.

"Ah, baby!" He grunted, grinding into you deeply as your hands rubed into his hair. Morning louder, his lips conceded back to yours as you held on snd then to your neck where you heard his heavy breathing. Your body was tightening around him, as he went in deeper now putting himself in. Not to mention you began to pool around him which gave him more speed in the end.

"Namjoon!" You moaned in his ear, holding his back tightly as your legs unwrapped snd opened wider for him. Cursing under his breath, he went harder as you began to arch your bag in pleasure. He held onto your back as your head went backs and the build of pleasure built up quickly.

you held onto his muscular shoulders while he moved you closer to him to go deeper. With that sending you over the edge, you screamed his name in pleasure as yours and his breathing began to match in heaviness. Shopping for a second, namjoon looked you in your eyes and thrust slowly as he was too close and it felt too good.

"In close, but I don't wanna cum yet" he grunted, thrusting deeply in and out.

"Then cum when you can't hold it!" You urged, outta breathe enjoying the depends. "I'm fine with children" you explained. Nodding, he continued and went harder this time.

His mouth roamed your chest, sucking and pulling on the bud as your back arched and mouth open in response. You this time, grinded back cgroundhim to jolt forward and start panting.

"Fuck don't do that unless you-" you interrupted doing it again. Pushing your legs back and open wide he started hammering into you as you began screaming in both pleasure and slight pain. You scratched his back and he immediately let go of your thighs snd pushed your hands back. As your body began to shake under him, he went faster as his chest heaved in breathing and yours became flushed with red. He started to let his enjoyment show more and tilted his head back with his eyes close as he went faster. He allowed the sounds of your whimpering snd moans to fulfill his urge as his balls smack your body hard causing a loud moan to come out from him.

Moving his hips to go at a slightly different angle than before, he noticed you started dripping more and more causing your heat to became more and more pleasurable on his end. He leaned down to your chest and held you as he began moaning in ecstasy as a thick load covered your walls in white.

Stoping and catching his breath, he mouthed something so simple but daring and that was simple.

"Don't leave me"

To which you replied softly. "I won't"

Soon the both of you gained the energy to get in the tub. There you two conversate on what it was like for him to be the king and all, what he planned on doing, and where he wanted to do next.

"Please come back to the castle with me tonight?" He begged, holding his hands with yours.

" I don't wanna be a drag" you looked down.

"You won't, I promise you'll enjoy your new life" he stated happily as ever.

"Namjoon don't you think it's too fast, we just met and all." You mentioned.

"Right, that is an undeniable truth. However, I know you felt the same way I did snd I know this isn't a fairy tale. But I truly feel like we could have a life" he spoke, holding your hands to his chest. Yes, that was true, you did believe in fate snd everything. But this was soon and so much.

"I'll go, but you have to let me have the ability to leave, " you said sadly, bring you to his chest he nodded and turned your body around in the tub.

From there you two did what was needed and packed a small bag of hygiene snd the coffee from earlier to go. You two had to walk back to the castle without being seen or heard at all. Which called for a few close times of being caught, from there he showed you a secrete gate entrance that led straight towards his room. From there, he tried his best to pick you up and take you to his room. there which Mrs. Pot sat praying

"I'm home and I brought a guest" he mentioned putting you down. As she recognized Mrs. Pot, she immediately went to hug her.

"It's been a while, my dear, I remember when you were both sized. I see you ran into the king, ah I knew he would've found you. I mean he's always had an eye on elegance and beauty" she mentioned embracing you tightly and pinching her cheek the same way she did with namjoon.

"I'll tell the guards your home" she looked at namjoon winking. Itching his head as he smiled, he turned to you and stripped naked again.

This time he leaned on the top of you again and you immediately kissed back. "It's a yes" you knew immediately as he took off your clothes once again that same night. Only this time, he focused on filling you up till he couldn't anymore.

"Fuck, this is amazing" he cursed, moving his hips harder as you who was behind sensitive began moaning his name louder and louder. Your legs opened wider and pools of arousal soaked the bed, making him lose control once more in you before pulling you close and moaning in your neck. Spilling once more, he simply uttered

"I love you"

"I love you too"

#namjoon smut #bts x reader #bts smut #bts fics #bts fanfction #bts angst #bts #namjoon x reader #kim namjoon #namjoon fanfic #namjoon #namjoon angst #namjoon x you #joonie

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCIX

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Dean is in love.

(13x11/13x12)

Hello my friends!!! We almost arriving to the half of the season!

I will talk mostly about episode 14x12, the episode Dean confesses he's in love, okay. Kind of. 🤣

Let's start this mess ...

Family Love

Episode 13x11 talks about family love to point us the difference with romantic love (Dean in the firsts 5 episodes).

We have Sam depressed, because he thinks they won't be able to find Mary. Now, the one that had lost his faith and hopes is Sam. And Dean will be the one keeping the hopes up, because he just got back his angel back.

The brother go to help Donna. Donna is desperate trying to find her lost niece. Her despair and her seek is a foreshadow how Sam and Mary searching for Dean in the first episode from season 14.

The vamps wear mask, (as symbolic representation of future Dean's possesion).

Another important point here is Doug breaking up with Donna once he discovers Donna hunts monsters.

This fact could be seen as a parallel to Cassie and Dean, but also, as a premonition of Dean and Cas break up.

The parallel of depression between Dean and Sam rests on the fact that Sam wasn't suicidal.

Sam had put all his hopes in Jack and now Jack is gone, so, all the words that come out from his mouth, are examples of how he feels. His speech to Donna after Doug left, it's a recalling of Dean's speech to Patience.

SAM: Let him go. Donna, when you choose this life, anyone who gets too close, eventually they get hurt. Or worse. So let him go. He’ll be safer that way.

And then, when he's alone with Dean...

DEAN: I mean, we save people, Sam.

SAM: Yeah, we also get people killed, Dean. Kaia, for instance. She helped us and she died for it.

DEAN: Hey, look, I know you’re in some sort of a—

SAM: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don’t – don’t… You keep saying I’m in a dark place, but I’m not, Dean. Everything I’m saying is the truth. It’s our lives. And I tried to pretend it didn’t have to be. I tried to pretend we could have Mom back and Cas and – and help Jack. But we can’t. This ends one way for us, Dean. It ends bloody. It ends bad.

Sam is now where Dean had been, but not even bringing Castiel back gives Sam faith and hopes. He had a plan, and the plan failed. So he lost hopes. It points perfectly the difference with Dean. Dean recognized he was in bad shape, he recognized to Billy he wanted to die. Because the pain of loosing the love of his life was unbearable.

"I'm in love"

Episode 13x12 starts with two sister, witches, dressed in red and yellow, (Dean and Sam colors) Jennie and Jamie. Both girls want to bring their mother back from dead just like Sam and Dean want to bring their mother back from the AU.

They use a hammer to kill the first man in the episode. The hammer represents JUSTICE, and it will be seen a lot in the next season related to Dean, trying to make justice for what he lived possesed by Michael. The one killing the man is Jamie, Dean's mirror.

Let's jump now to Sam and Dean scene. And because this is a Yockey episode, we have some books to pay attention to. Don't worry, my friend @emblue-sparks did an excellent work analyzing the books that Yockey put in this episode. You can find that meta here.

All those books played their role as a premonition of AU!Michael possessing Dean experience.

Now, keeping the Family Love vs Romantic Love mirror, we switch places again in this dialogue...

SAM: I’m just saying, Dean, Jack was our way over there, obviously, so with him gone…

DEAN: Okay, well, Jack’s been gone before. We found him once. We can find him again.

Remember when Sam said this to Dean the so many times Cas was gone?

Now, just a piece in what Dean says... Shows us how much he misses his angel...

DEAN: We should probably loop Cas in at some point.

The scene with Cas and Lucifer locked in prison, and trying to escape, is another foreshadow for Dean's inner prison. But, it's interesting how we cut this scene to pass to Dean and witches sisters, with Jennie saying...

JENNIE: Doesn’t a kiss, like, usually wake up your true love?

So Dean kisses Dean's mirror... How symbolic is this? Very much...

Remember when in season 14 I was screaming all my way DEAN NEEDS TO LOVE HIMSELF BEFORE LOVE OTHERS? To ourselves is PIVOTAL for our mental health. Talking about Dean, it's fundamental to release himself from his emotional prison. Dean needs to know HE IS WORTHY. He needs to really love himself, that's the symbolism of this scene.

Now... The scene in which Dean days "I'm in love" has a tiny prelude... We need to see what Sam is doing or thinking before his brother enters joyfully confesses it...

SAM: Hey, uh… I think you might be right. I think maybe it’s time we go ahead and call Cas, because, I mean, if…if…

Why is Cas here again? Preluding Dean's quote? Simply because DEAN IS IN LOVE WITH CAS

SAM: You all right?

DEAN: Am I all right? I’m in love.

SAM: You...Oh, are you?

DEAN: I mean, I am, like, full-on twitterpated here. Seriously, I can’t wait for you to meet her, either (...)

(Gif set credit @inacatastrophicmind )

(Gif set credit @bennylafitte )

And the big SAMMY KNOWS SCENE, poor soul he thought Dean will confess his feeling for the angel to his brother, that's why he wheels enthusiastically to hear him. That's why he asks as if he didn't know. But then Dean goes 'her' and Sam shakes his head puzzled... Why? Because he's sure his brother lives Castiel, and Castiel's is a 'him'. Wrong pronoun.

That's when our insightful moose starts to suspect something is fishy.

Rowena and the fifth base

Another important scene was Rowena talking about the fifth base, which, everybody knows what it means...

ROWENA: (...) Tell me, did they get to fifth base?

DEAN: There’s no such thing as fifth base.

ROWENA: Oh, you poor, sheltered boy. [Dean gives Sam a confused look] Anyway. What’s by is by.

(Gif set credit @whoeveryoulovethemost )

Analyzing Dean's reaction to Rowena's wording in second meaning, we can Conclude he knew what was she exactly talking about. He swallows at the WHAT'S BY IS BY, and blinks flustered. Someone knows his secret hahaahahaha

Also, Rowena deceiving the boys, is Asmodeus playing Cas...

DEAN: Oh, I’m gonna say it. She played you.

SAM: [defensively] She played us.

This is a foreshadow of Dean recognizing in front of Cas that Asmodeus played him and his brother, they should see that coming. Dean will feel guilty and will confess it to his angel.

Another little but interesting scene was Jamie and Jennie killing each other, just the ending Chuck will reveal he wants for Sam and Dean in season 15.

At the end of the episode, we'll see Rowena releasing herself from her chains. As a representation of Dean releasing himself from his inner prison.

To Conclude:

These two episode keep playing with symbolism and foreshadows of season 14.

The scene of Dean kissing Dean's mirror shows us the idea of Healing!Dean in season 14.

Sammy definitely knows Dean is in love with Cas, fight me.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you wanna be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season, here you have the links:

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV, XCVI, XCVII, XCVIII.

Buenos Aires, February 7 2021 1:58 PM

#destiel #destiel chronicles #destiel meta #Supernatural meta #13x11 meta #13x12 meta #season 13 meta #castiel #lucifer #dean winchester #rowena #sam winchester

[the-gentle-art-to-going-insane]

So, normally I NEVER do this but....

Well, I feel I just really need to open up about the actual shit I'm going through right now. Like seriously, Not asking for sympathy, donations, notes or anything. I just NEED to put my story into the world.

So, here it is.

FThis is me.

My name is Soren Riegel. I have ASD, depression, anxiety, and ADHD. All my life, people in my family, aka all of my (large) family have treated me as if I'm nothing more than a nuisance they have to house and feed, while they get nothing in return for their utmost generosity. My Biological mother died shortly after I was born, or even when I was born. I still don't know, however, I was allowed to believe for my entire life that I was simply given away at first sight.

My adoptive mother, well, she died of brain cancer when I was seven. My "father" who drank himself to sleep every night, remarried a woman who not only had two other failed marriages under her belt, but was in fact still married when they began dating. And he thought, somehow she would be an adequate parent for his children, (me - already had been diagnosed with ADHD at the time and was on medication to help me cope, Rick, Marie - the two "normal children", and our brother Ernie, who was adopted at eleven, because his family threatened violence against him if he ever revealed he was gay.

Fast forward to the time I turned roughly ten. I was beaten on a near daily basis by the Stepmother, for things I couldn't understand why they were wrong. I felt hungry, I ate a snack. My other siblings did the exact same thing, I reasoned, why can't I simply have a piece of bread while I wait for dinner? By that point, it had already been determined that my Adderall was "making me worse" - by Stepmother, and now my grades were suffering as a result. I was intelligent, and aced every test. But I just couldn't handle homework.

Fast forward to thirteen. I made a few friends, by some miracle. I was doing well in school, to an extent, however the abuse at home was getting to a boiling point. Beaten daily, if not twice daily, for reasons that were entirely made up. Then Drunk Step would laugh, apologize, and make it seem as if everything would be fine. I couldn't let my friends know how bad it was, but I have a feeling they saw a little.

I would jump every time someone was standing behind me, and touched me without announcing themselves. I was lightyears ahead academically, but only had a small knot of 4-5 friends.

Then, wham, 14 hit. Discovered that Gayness isn't Evil. Discovered Love.

Discovered the Abuse that made me want to Die.

Saw therapists, got diagnosed, then Step decided that the medications weren't "working" for me. That I was "misbehaving more and more". Took me off of the freshly prescribed ADHD medication first, then the antidepressant. Increased the antipsychotics to the point where I had difficulty staying awake in my sophmore year. I fell asleep repeatedly throughout my classes, luckily it was after I'd finished the homework.

Then I Fell in Love.

Abuse worsened to the point I decided if I don't Get Out Immediately, either I was going to wind up killing myself, or Step would put me in a coma. tried running away, was caught with my bags packed. Shipped to a suicide ward, got a bit better, learned a few unhealthy coping mechanisms that made it less agonizing to exist, and was put back on the medications I needed.

Within four months, I was taken off of the ones that actually helped again. Within four months, I was forced to lie through my teeth to CPS under threats of broken bones and cages.

Then I asked out my crush. Never went back to school. Not because I didn't want to, but because they Had Said Yes. The morning after, I woke up, got ready, and went to open my door, only to find it locked from the outside. No matter how hard I begged, I was never allowed to leave that room. Not for anything other than a weekly shower, and twice daily bathroom break. For Three Years.

I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor, with no other furniture, besides a single pillow and a blanket.

Eventually, I was told if I refused to allow my "parents" guardianship, I would be tossed onto the streets. No food no clothes but the ones on my back. I'd be lucky if I was given shoes. So, of course, I acted the part they needed me to play in front of the judge. Then Social Security.

However, the evaluator for Disability said that, undoubtedly, I COULD have a decent job, and earn my own wages. I hadn't lied then.

After a few beatings, and a number of years, I was dragged into a courtroom again, again, I was threatened with homelessness and abuse if I were to refuse my role.

Eight years and several hundreds of thousands of stolen checks later, I'd had enough. I was accepting more and more things about myself that I knew were my truths. Oddly enough, fanfiction helped. I could see that there were others out there who weren't cis het, and they found love from other human beings just as naturally as anyone.

I came out - again- as not straight, and immediately the physical abuse began again. APS was called, of course, that led to nothing. Fuck if the government actually cared about the disabled queer community. It led to me fleeing the house after my "father" had broken my ribs, held me pinned to a wall by my throat, and taken his fists to my head.

Thank the Gods my neighbor was a cop. He called it in, and my sister took me to her house. And because Why Should I Be A Person, I was given the ultimatum of if I didn't allow her to assume full guardianship as a successor to those two, I would be on the streets, sound familiar, eh?

But I was -promised- that things would be different. I was promised that I could get a ged and a job. It took almost a year from me calling the cops to me applying to a job. My ged should have taken about four weeks to acheive, but I was denied the ability to test right away after I had taken the courses. It took three months for me to actually sit down and take a test that I received upper ten percent or better on each subject, first time.

That was after I was forced to wait until my sister could sway the courts to keep my abusers out of prison. Until after she became full guardian over my life. Until after she began to receive the money from SSI. Money which - exactly like before - I saw none of.

I Still see only the legal minimum - $44 a month - of the 835 she receives. The only reason I even get that much is because she was told by a person in the legal system she could get prosecuted for not giving me that.

And then, once I had my ged, was I allowed to apply for nearby jobs, you ask? Of course I wasn't! I had to apply "behind her back" and walk myself in seventy nine degree weather - new dress shirt and all - to the interview. Which I nailed. On my own merit.

And then, was I applauded for taking the initiative and going out to make something of my life? No. I was punished. I was deprived of every "luxury" she gave me, tv, kindle, books, virtually anything that I could do to pass the time while I waited for the background check to clear. And when I attempted to put to use the money she had put into my bank account secretly, since of course I was never allowed to even have the mobile app on my piece of 10 garbage tracfone, I was punished further, for buying myself a bike. A bike i need to get myself to work each morning.

All this leads up to where I am now, fighting for termination of the guardianship, and the right to live where I choose, with who I choose. The right to decide what chemicals I put into my body and what ones I don't. The right to legally change the name and gender I was assigned. The right to be free of abuse in my daily life.

This is what I've gone through, and it probably won't be getting better anytime soon. Thank you for reading to the end of this.

#i have autism here #autism #trans #transgender #lgbtq #lgbt #childhood abuse #childhood trauma #assaulted by father #idk if anyone cares #this has been my ted talk

[sammypompeius]

As I said in this post I just watched the first 3 eps of season 15 and I wanna talk about them ^^ (under the cut)

I REALLY liked Belphegor so I drew them to accompany this. Also this just showed how good of an actor Alex is like HE HAS THE RANGE KSHAJAJW.

I felt so much for Cas in this eps 😭 he just lost Jack and has to deal with this demon walking around in his body. There's not as much focus on Sam and Dean's feelings regarding this, all I can remember is Dean getting uncomfortable with Belfagor flirting with him in his son's body (that's what that scene was right??) but then he did say they needed to get him out of Jack's body. I do think they felt the same as Cas (maybe not as fiercely) but since Belphegor was being helpful and they needed all the help they could get they just went with "it's not Jack, he's dead, it's just his body".

I knew Rowena was going to die and I know she's gonna be the queen of hell but I got so sad about her death anyway... recap reminded that sam would be the one to kill her so we know it's coming, and every time they focus on them both my heart clenched. And then her death scene came and I was sad and I thought it was beautiful and she as a character was being so amazing. Her friendship with Sam came to this moment that, even though Sam tried to deny it, they knew would happen and I really loved it (but I kinda wish the last shot of her death was her jumping and not her falling into hell bc those effects looked weird ngl).

And then the DESTIEL DIVORCE 😭 I kid you not when Dean said "why does that something always seem to be you? " my mom went " *LE GASPPPP* I CANT BELIEVE THE AUDACITY- ". So like yessss I already knew this was going to happen but with the knowledge of exactly what was happening I:

 1: am really frustrated with dean because the amazing gay angel doesn't deserve to hear that

 2: am glad Cas left (he wasn't being treated right) I feel they weren't resolving anything being so physically close, like they are always close because they want to make sure the other is okay/they simply feel drawn to each other, and they need some time away to cool off and think about it (especially Dean)

3: understand Dean and relate to him (what's probably a reason I'm frustrated with him, I normaly have a love/hate relationship with characters I relate to bc "YOU UNDERSTAND ME AND HELP ME UNDERSTAND MYSELF" but also "THOSE ARE THE FLAWS THAT MAKE ME HATE MYSELF WHY DO I ENJOY YOUR CHARACTER YOU LITTLE SHIT???"). Like I too tend to lash out on the people I love most when I'm sad and frustrated and angry, even more when I actually blame myself, that and "I cannot do anything right I MUST apologize for my every breath and distance myself from everyone I love because I can ONLY be bothering these amazing people or will in the future so I gotta go away while they don't hate me yet" are my "coping mechanisms" so y'all can see why destiel feels make me crawl up my walls.

What I mean is THE DIVORCE IS HITTING ME HARD HELP. Like Dean has been letting out all of the anger his recent losses and failures brought up on Cas because he's already on a roll of blaming him for everything he can (because of Mary's death). Then Rowena dies (and it messes up Sam) so Dean doesn't even try to listen to Cas on his reasoning and why he couldn't follow the plan, he immediately blames him like he's been doing with everything else "I've tried to talk to you over and over but you just don't wanna hear it, you don't care" because he feels like he has to blame someone, because he feels so much and he feels so fiercely, especially towards Cas. I understand that but it doesn't excuse it (lmao sorry if I'm projecting too hard), Cas doesn't deserve to hear that, from the MAN HE LOVES no less, doesn't deserve to be blamed for so much when he always has the default setting of blaming himself. And Cas as always just takes it. That's why even though I'm glad Cas left I feel really sad about it because Cas was probably not thinking of all these things when he decided to go, it seemed to be because he felt unwanted or useless there (to the brothers (to Dean)). He just felt he was not needed, much less wanted there. He wasn't thinking "I deserve better than this shit" he didn't go for his own well being, he went because he thought it was for Dean's, AND THAT BREAKS MY STONE COLD HEART.

Dean is suffering because he feels nothing he has is real, while Cas suffers because he believes "we are" but he doesn't have that "we" anymore. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#spn #destiel #supernatural #belphegor supernatural #spnhellfire #deancas #dean winchester #castiel #cas #sam winchester #rowena #supernatural season 15 #spn fanart #art #artists on tumblr #digital art #spn meta #i guess? #destiel meta #spn 15×01 #spn 15×02 #spn 15×03

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, April 12

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Brad Pitt Blindsided by Abuse Bombshell

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- former Vanderpump Rules hunk Jax Taylor hauling trash outside his L.A. home, tennis star Venus Williams had some courtside cuddles with her pet pup in Miami, sitcom star turned pot peddler Jim Belushi during a spin around Santa Monica

Page 3: Chrissy Metz runs errands in L.A., David Hasselhoff with his wife Hayley Roberts in Calabasas, Lena Headey buzzed around in L.A. on an electric bike

Page 4: Toxic TV talker Ellen DeGeneres is trapped in a tragic tailspin, belting back booze while struggling to get a grip on her fading career and rocky marriage -- after losing 1 million viewers this year alone, Ellen's once high-flying show is on thin ice and she's fighting with wife Portia de Rossi amid talks of a $300 million divorce -- her ratings are tanking, and her marriage is coming apart at the seams and she's knocking back the red wine to drown her sorrows -- her strategy is to let the storm about her talk show die down and then pull in some huge guest stars to win back her audience and reestablish herself as top dog on the talk show circuit -- at the same time, her 12-year marriage to Portia has been hanging by a thread and the two had been at loggerheads after serial house-flipper Ellen put the estate she bought from Maroon 5's Adam Levine on the market for $53.5 million and Portia thought it was finally going to be their forever home and it was like pulling the rug out from under her -- then another crisis struck home as Ellen rushed Portia to the hospital after she collapsed and Portia underwent an emergency appendectomy and is now recuperating but her spouse is a mess over Portia's health crisis and she's been drowning her sorrows in booze -- Ellen realizes much more than ever how much she desperately loves Portia and what she's got to lose if they split but she also knows it's be a lot of work to get the relationship back on track once Portia recovers

Page 5: Chevy Chase secretly cheated death after a secret heart condition landed him in the hospital for five long weeks and now he may never be out of the woods -- the 77-year-old, who is now recovering at his Westchester, N.Y. home, recently revealed the heart issue snuck up on him -- Chevy needed valve replacement surgery, and recovering boozer Chevy's long history of swilling alcohol had left him with an enlarged heart and acute cardiomyopathy, a disease that makes it harder for the organ to pump blood to the rest of his body and his heart problems stems from his years of drinking plain and simple and it's affected his heart, weakened it over the years -- however, before risky surgery could be performed, docs needed to make sure the comedian was stable enough for the procedure -- in 2017, Chevy claimed he'd finally gotten sober after one of his daughters said she gave up on him and his wife Jayni threatened to leave him if he didn't clean up his act but it may be too little too late for the comedy legend because valve replacement surgery could affect his activities for the rest of his life and it means his heart was pumping through an ineffective valve, and this damages heart muscles, which never grow back and he could have ongoing chest pains or dangerous heart rhythm disturbances, which could lead to heart attack or death

Page 6: Dr. Dre's estranged wife, Nicole Young, claims the rap mogul knocked her out cold in a drunken rage -- it's the latest bombshell in the couple's brutal divorce war, with Nicole making the explosive charge in an application for a restraining order that was denied by a judge and she also alleges Dre punched her squarely in the face after he felt she disrespected him at a party in 1999 and Nicole claims she woke up in their car with Andre speeding at over 100 miles per hour, drunk and out of control and he was swerving and weaving and she thought she was going to die and she also claims a drunk and angry Dre held a gun to her head during a 2012 dispute, saying she was terrified he was going to kill her -- Dre has denied all of Nicole's abuse claims

* In a desperate bid to save their crumbling romance, Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are seeing a sex therapist to spice up their fizzling bedroom romps -- the duo called off their wedding plans after a stormy four-year affair and are on the brink of the end -- A-Rod staved off a break at the last minute by dashing down to the Dominican Republic, where J.Lo's filming her new flick and patching things up for the moment -- the biggest issue has been Alex's roving eye plus sexting various women on the side, and Jennifer wants to get to the bottom of why she's not enough for him

Page 7: Jeopardy! contestants want celeb medic Dr. Mehmet Oz axed as guest host -- casting the dubious doc celebrates the elevation of talking heads at the expense of academic rigor and consensus, according to a group of the game show's former winners and contestants in a letter -- the letter cites instances in which Dr. Oz used his authority as a doctor to push harmful ideas, and referred to a 2014 letter penned by faculty at Columbia Medical School, where Oz also teaches, calling for his removal from the program and the letter concludes inviting Oz to guest host is a slap in the face to all involved

Page 8: Jeffrey Epstein's accused madam Ghislaine Maxwell's third desperate bid to get out of jail on bail has been nixed by a federal judge -- the 59-year-old British socialite it rotting in a Brooklyn, N.Y. federal slammer denying charges she recruited underage girls to be sex slaves for her late lover Epstein, whose 2019 death in his jail cell is suspected on being a staged murder, despite an official ruling of suicide -- Maxwell's offer to plunk down $22.5 million and give up her citizenships in England and France was nixed by Judge Alison Nathan, who agreed with prosecutors the suspected Israeli intelligence asset was still a flight risk -- meanwhile, Ghislaine's lawyers claim she was abused by a guard and is losing hair and weight due to poor treatment in the slammer, where she's awaiting a July trail date

Page 9: Billionaire Queen Elizabeth is bracing for a big pay cut -- due to the financial crash triggered by the COVID pandemic, the Sovereign Grant, the tax money allowance the royals get, is expected to be slashed by more than 25 percent when it comes up for its five-year renewal in 2022 -- last year, Her Highness raked in $114.2 million from taxpayers, but that bundle was exceptional and cannot expect that to be repeated -- a major cost, besides allowances for the royal family, is a renovation of Buckingham Palace, which prices out at $500 million over 10 years -- one saving is Prince Harry and wife Meghan Markle have been stripped of their titles and public paychecks -- Her Majesty is aware of the current financial situation and is happy to play her part in cutting costs

* Prince Harry has landed a job as a hot-shot exec of a firm providing mental health and life counseling but it sounds like the tech start-up company is really using him as a celebrity showhorse -- Harry, who studied art and geography in college, will be Chief Impact Officer for BetterUp Inc, saying he intends to help create impact in people's lives -- BetterUp CEO Alexi Robichaux refused to say how much he's paying the prince, but noted Harry will have a meaningful and meaty role and will attend all employee meetings at the San Francisco headquarters and Robichaux also hinted at Harry's true value, saying he'll be a special guest at company events; in other words, the company will use him as a celebrity draw and they'll lure potential clients and investors to events by saying they can run shoulders with the prince and Harry has no psychology training; he will be a showpiece -- Harry first hooked up with BetterUp by using its app that gives proactive coaching and provides endless possibilities for personal development, increased awareness and an all-around better life and Harry says he was matched with his coach who is truly awesome and has always given him sound advice and a fresh perspective, which is so valuable

Page 10: Lisa Marie Presley is getting back on track after her son Benjamin Keough's tragic suicide and bitter divorce from Michael Lockwood, but she's still a hopeless addict -- Elvis Presley's 53-year-old daughter smokes like a chimney from morning until night and is struggling for every breath and she goes through a pack or two a day minimum and she simply can't quit and she has cut out triggers like booze and coffee, but she still needs her cigarette fix from the moment she wakes up until she puts her head down at night -- she was snapped having a smoke outside a COVID-19 testing center in L.A.'s San Fernando Valley and it was the only time she was spotted in public since her son died in July -- she started smoking at age 15 and has admitted this is the one thing that got her and bit her in the ass that she can't shake even those she's kicked pain pills, cocaine, booze and opioids and she's tried everything she can think of to quit: patches, nicotine gum, going cold turkey, but nothing works and she did stop for a spell after being hypnotized but a day or two later she was lighting up again -- she's losing weight, exercising more and eating healthier, but her smoking habit is the elephant in the room

Page 11: Following the heart-crushing suicide of her brother, Elvis Presley's granddaughter Riley Keough has become a death doula, a counselor who helps terminal patients and their cope with the devastating trauma -- Riley announced she'd completed her training on social media -- the daughter of Lisa Marie Presley and her first husband Danny Keough, Riley was devastated when her brother Benjamin Keough committed suicide with a shotgun last July -- spurred by the tragedy to become a death doula, Riley says she thinks it's so important to be educated on conscious dying and death the way we educate ourselves on birth and conscious birthing

* Reality TV train wreck Mama June Shannon claims she and her boyfriend Geno Doak spent $900,000 in a year to feed their drug addiction and the couple were spending $2500 a day, if not more, on methamphetamine -- June entered rehab with $1.75 in her pocket and they've been clean 14 months

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- reformed boozer Luann de Lesseps sips a soft drink in Mexico (picture), Real World star Rebecca Blasband believes she had an otherwordly 15-year beyond-the-grave relationship with Beatles legend John Lennon's ghost, in Australia a not so itsy bitsy spider bite turned into a giant wallop of a headache for Melissa McCarthy, Ilana Glazer and husband David Rooklin are happily expecting their first baby ironically right before of her horror movie False Positive, Sarah Silverman says no one ever told her not to use tongue in screen kisses and it got her fired from a show called Pride & Joy

Page 13: Al Pacino gets all gussied up in Italy to play fashion godfather Aldo in the biopic House of Gucci (picture), Justine Bateman (picture), Tom Selleck covers up his signature 'stache with a mask in L.A. (picture), first-time mama Katharine McPhee hit a sour note with composer husband David Foster for blabbing their newborn son's name Rennie David Foster on Today

Page 14: Rihanna plunked down $13.8 million for a new Beverly Hills mountaintop mansion that's literally surrounded by noteworthy neighbors like Paul McCartney and Mariah Carey and Madonna who live in the same exclusive star-studded cul-de-sac, Tom Cruise is on a mission to unload his Rocky Mountain getaway for $39.5 million, Goldie Hawn gushes her life partner Kurt Russell is still hot as heck after turning 70

* Fashion Verdict -- Miranda Lambert 4/10, Taylor Swift 5/10, Phoebe Bridgers 1/10, Giuliana Rancic 7/10, Brandi Carlile 6/10

Page 16: Cover Story -- Angelina Jolie is determined to paint her ex Brad Pitt as an abusive, drunken monster, and now she's got their kids backing her claim that he's the dad from hell -- the mom of six, who's been battling Brad in court over custody and money for five years, filed new bombshell papers saying she and her children want to testify their life was the pits -- while the documents are sealed, Angelina is making sure their kids paint Brad as violent and aggressive and her shocking charges continue earlier accusations by oldest child Maddox, now 19 and in college, who accused a booze-fueled Brad of abusing him on a private flight five years ago and Maddox essentially painted his dad as a demented monster and he went into detail about Brad's terrible temper, the abuse he inflicted on the whole household with his binge drinking and the scars that exist to this day because of the appalling way he alleges Brad treated his mom during the marriage -- Brad has reportedly been sober for years and Angelina's new claims of domestic abuse are basically a rehash of the old accusations -- legal experts also maintain the minor kids can only testify if Brad agrees to it, which is doubtful -- the superstars have spent a combined $10 million in legal fees and are currently battling over visitation rights for their brood and Angelina has refused to compromise, wants full custody and calls it a fight to the death and she doesn't care about Brad or how anybody sees their fight, she just wants what she feels she is entitled to as a mother and will fight with every inch of her body and soul to get it

Page 19: 10 Things You Don't Know About Topher Grace

* Katherine Heigl boasts she's bionic after having two titanium disks inserted into her neck and the actress says the surgery has freed her from the most excruciating pain

* Wendy Williams broke wind in a stunning fart-burp combo while she was live on camera, right in the middle to discussing Kim Kardashian's divorce from Kanye West -- the gassy lassie seemed surprised at her own outburst and apologized to the audience

Page 20: True Crime

Page 23: William Shatner is creating an artificial intelligence-powered version of himself -- in true sci-fi fashion, people in the future will be able to ask him questions about his life and times -- the 90-year-old icon is the first person to be captured by an advanced video and sound system developed by the L.A.-based company StoryFile -- Shatner says with StoryFile, we can now be present for the future; your authentic self, for all time

* Furious perfume mogul William Lauder is battling to kick his former mistress Taylor Stein and their 13-year-old love child out of her home and into the street, because their supposedly secret love affair was revealed -- the big stink exploded after the 60-year-old Estee Lauder heir learned his secret teen daughter wrote on social media that her parents were divorced but actually, Lauder never wed Taylor, but kept her like a queen in a $7 million, 6000-square-foot Bel Air mansion with a $1 million annual allowance for years and the only condition was that she keep their affair and the child under wraps, but the Park Avenue playboy claims she blasted their pact to smithereens when his illicit daughter blabbed about the relationship online -- Lauder hooked up with Taylor in Aspen in 2000 while still wed to wife Karen, mom of three of his daughters -- he knocked Taylor up in 2005, but told her to get an abortion because he was then in the midst of divorcing Karen but three years before the 2009 divorce, Taylor got pregnant again and gave birth to their girl and that's when the moneybags lover boy drew up the hush-hush deal

Page 24: COVID vaccines hidden dangers -- scientists warn shots don't work and have nightmare side effects

Page 27: Gal rock roadie Tana Douglas is snitching on music superstars including George Harrison and Iggy Pop, who she got close to during her wild years traveling with bands -- in her book called Loud, she recalls her job hauling equipment for bands nearly ended at age 21 when Beatle George Harrison was ready to propose, but she blew it; the two were getting close under a kitchen table after George fled his own birthday party, where he was embarrassed by his present: strippers and she ruined the mood by firing up a cigarette and George told her he would marry her tomorrow if she gave up smoking but the first female rock roadie couldn't kick butts -- she has crazy stories about saving AC/DC's frontman Bon Scott when he overdosed, Elton John who did drugs and threw tantrums, The Go-Gos, and doing a line of coke with Iggy Pop intended for David Bowie

Page 28: Health Report

Page 30: Julianne Hough has plumped up her kisser, and her new look falls flat -- the newly single star may have gone overboard with lip fillers to the point where she's almost unrecognizable -- Julianne's had some surgical and nonsurgical things done, but her lips just look wonky and no one can understand why she'd do it because her lips looked fine to her friends and family, but Julianne obviously thought they needed more volume and clearly got carried away -- she's also totally gone overboard with the spray tanning and hair extensions and she ditched the short blond bob that suited her so well and now she's looking like a Kardashian -- her lips look a bit swollen, so it's possible they will settle down and her natural lip proportions appear to have changed, with her upper lip the same size as her lower lip

Page 32: Tori Spelling has got the marriage blues and she's been out and about without her wedding ring -- the 47-year-old mom of five was spotted buying veggies at Underwood Family Farms in California's Moorpark with her kids but minus husband Dean McDermott and her wedding ring -- Tori's fed up with her mate, whining he's not doing his share around the house or paying her enough attention and they've found themselves in a real rut where they spend less and less time together and barely mention one another on social media and they haven't had a date night since goodness knows and Dean is never in the romantic mood and lately, they're more like brother and sister than husband and wife -- Tori wants Dean to step it up and start acting like a hubby instead of a leach and Tori's exhausting herself by taking care of the domestic chores single-handedly at times while Dean has other things on his mind and he hasn't picked up a vacuum or washed the dishes in weeks and sometimes he doesn't seem to be aware she's in the room and it's frustrating her to no end -- ditching her ring is sending Dean a very clear message that he needs to stop taking her for granted and work on the marriage

* Paul McCartney dove deep into his Beatles past and emerged with a children's book inspired by the group's 1966 hit Yellow Submarine -- Grandude's Green Submarine, a sequel to Paul's picture book Hey Grandude, will be released in September and changes the color of the submerged vessel

Page 36: Reality TV momager Kris Jenner is worth an estimated $190 million and masterminded the megabucks careers of her reality star daughters, but she confesses she was clueless about dough when she became divorced -- Kris confesses first husband Robert Kardashian handled everything and she never paid a bill during their 13-year marriage that ended in 1991 -- she said she woke up to responsibilities that she didn't have the day before but she says she's a quick study and she knew she had to get it together and she felt such an enormous sense of accomplishment to be able to figure it all out and pay her own bills and make her own money and do her own taxes and there were times when she didn't have a lot of money, but she was very organized -- now she studies business for new opportunities and she's interested in different businesses and how they evolve and how they become successful and she just enjoys the business world

* Bobby Brown's son Bobby Jr. died after accidentally overdosing on a killer cocktail of alcohol, cocaine and fentanyl, his autopsy reveals, but lawmen say they are now opening a criminal investigation into the 27-year-old's death at his father's home in suburban L.A. -- the autopsy report showed in his final hours Bobby Jr. consumed a deadly mix of tequila, cocaine and the prescription medication Percocet -- he was Brown's second child with former galpal Kim Ward

Page 38: Long-lost letters written by Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler's father, Alois, reveal the freaky Fuhrer grew up to be a cruel, tyrannical, arrogant lout, just like his old man -- the 31 letters were discovered by retiree Anneliese Smigielski in the attic of her house in the Austrian town of Wallern and are the basis of a new book by historian Roman Sandgruber -- penned to Anneliese's great-great-great-grandfather Joseph Radlegger, who sold retired customs official Alois a farm when future Nazi monster Adolf was six in 1895, the letters reveal Hitler's dad was a brutal boozer and boss of the house, but depended on the skills and money of his third wife, Klara, a former servant girl the cheating creep had seduced and wine-guzzling Alois was awfully rough with her and beat little Adolf and the other eight kids -- like his father, Adolf felt superior through the knowledge he had acquired in self-study and he saw himself as a military, technical and artistic genius, not only as a painter, but also as an architect, writer, composer and actor

Page 40: Bethenny Frankel is sporting an engagement ring from fiance Paul Bernon -- the three-stone ring features a huge eight- to ten-carat emerald-shaped center stone and if it's a real, natural diamond, its estimated value is up to $1 million

* Gwyneth Paltrow just babbled something her second husband, Brad Falchuk, probably doesn't want to hear: she never wanted to get divorced from Chris Martin but she wed Brad in 2018 and Gwyneth calls him the most amazing man adding they've built something that she's never had before

* Suzanne Somers brags she and husband Alan Hamel are having sizzling sex three times a day before noon -- she blames doses of hormones for their frisky urges in their golden years

* Klutzy comic Chelsea Handler jokes about her subpar skiing skills online, but later revealed she wrecked her knee and broke two toes after she flew into the trees on a snowy slope in Canada -- Chelsea confesses she took the terrible tumble in British Columbia, where she was training with a personal instructor

Page 41: Vin Diesel's son Vincent is learning it's a good career move to have a movie star dad -- the 10-year-old has landed a $1000-a-day role in his father's new Fast and Furious flick -- the kid plays the younger version of Vin's character Dominic Toretto in the already completed, ninth F&F film -- Vincent's mom is Vin's longtime galpal, Mexican model Paloma Jimenez, who also has two daughters with Vin -- unlike his dad's megabucks salary, Vincent got the basic $1005 daily rate

* The faith-based Duggar family of 19 Kids and Counting fame is still feuding after a sleazy sex scandal ripped them apart -- Jill Duggar Dillard, who's outed herself as one of four sisters molested by big brother Josh Duggar, reveals she hasn't visited her parents' home in years -- Jill and husband Derick Dillard, say they aren't allowed at Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's Big House without her father's permission and Jill reveals there's some restrictions but also they just feel like they have to prioritize their mental and emotional health -- TLC axed the family's show after Josh was exposed as a child molester and in the past, Jill's admitted she's not on the best terms with some of her family

Page 42: Kim Kardashian has been getting back in touch with her body big-time now that she has booted Kanye West from her bedroom and her life and she's been strolling around totally nude -- with the pair's six-year marriage officially kaput, Kim is gleefully letting it all hang out, while indulging in once-forbidden McDonald's french fries -- Kanye made a habit of telling Kim to cover up and picked her to pieces for wearing sexy outfits and he said she needed to class up her act and grow old gracefully but now she's free to express herself and a lot of the time, especially when Kanye's looking after the kids, she's walking around totally in the nude and it's liberating for her to be at one with her body and she's made no secret of her desire to pursue a racy image and right now Kim's priority is to get her mojo back and learn to love herself again physically

* Britney Spears confesses she's been so wrapped up in battling the conservatorship over her estate, she forgot about singing until her mom reminded her -- the singer hasn't cut an album for five years as she's battled dad Jamie Spears for control of her $60 million fortune after a court gave him control when she went bonkers in 2008 -- she now realizes she's neglected her career after mom Lynne Spears sent her a video of her signing You Got It All at a '90s concert in Singapore and Britney tweeted that her mom reminded her that she can sing and she never sings anymore

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Cradle-robbing Scott Disick has struck again, scooping up a new galpal half of his 37 years, who is barely out of high school -- the latest victim is Amelia Hamlin, 19 years old and daughter of Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin

Page 45: Sharon Osbourne is demanding at least $10 million to walk away from The Talk after being accused of racist and sexist attacks on co-hosts -- Sharon is playing hardball, saying she was wrongly vilified for branding lesbian co-star Sara Gilbert a fish eater and calling Chinese-American Julie Chen slanty eyes -- it's going to become a battle royale and Sharon's made her demands clear and will fight tooth and nail and she's a street fighter and is used to playing down and dirty, owing to her years as a hard-nosed rock manager for husband Ozzy Osbourne

#tabloid #grain of salt #tabloid toc #tabloidtoc #brad pitt #angelina jolie #brad and angie's divorce #ellen degeneres #portia de rossi #chevy chase #dr. dre #nicole young #jennifer lopez #alex rodriguez #dr. oz #jeopardy! #ghislaine maxwell #queen elizabeth #sovereign grant #prince harry #betterup #lisa marie presley #riley keough #mama june shannon #topher grace #katherine heigl #william shatner #william lauder #taylor stein #wendy williams

[just-an-assbutt]

This is my "Castiel rant".

Since the beginning we've seen that angels are not socially similar to humans. They don't desire for sexual and/or romantic relationships. Their concept of love it's different than the one humans have. They see love as a concept of family a loyalty. They see love as the need to protect and care for.

There's also this concept of closeness that they relate to siblingship more than romance. They touch and kiss and hug each other. They look up and down, compliment or tear down each other beacuse they trust and love each other.

Imagine living in a world where sex and romance don't exist and when you tell people you love them, when you touch them or when you stand close to them it doesn't mean anything more than family love. That's the world Castiel came out from. Castiel has no gender, no sexual orientation. He's not gay or straight. He's an angel.

When Castiel goes to Dean to "grip him tight and rise him from perdition" he's doing a task. A task that it's compromised by how broken Dean is. Castiel was told, as any other angel, that he HAS to love humans. And he loves them. He loves Dean, he's always has and he's always told him.

This Castiel is different than the others, but it doesn't kill his background. His social awkwardness, his stares, his comments, his touch. He's an angel and Dean and Sam are his family. He has never, ever betrayed Sam and Dean. He's always been doing things for them. Always trying to protect them.

It's seen in the show that, the most time spent on Earth, the most "human-like" an angel can become. Castiel goes through those changes. When he first met the Winchesters he couldn't fall in love romantically. He didn't even understood what it was. He loves the Winchesters because they are family, but he's an angel, he's not a human that can simply connect with others. But he changes, his time on Earth changes him. He even becomes human from some time. He grows a relationship with Claire, cares for her, almost adopts her. He goes back to the Winchesters over and over because family doesn't end with blood. He does everything for his new family. Even if they always fail him. Even if they mess up and he has to run behind them cleaning up. Even if he's never shown actual gratitude for that.

One day Kelly Kline comes into picture and again, Castiel wants to take the burden for his family. He's the one who's going to kill her and her child. He's killed before, but this time, who knows why, he can't. He betrays his new family for the first time. He betrayed Heaven for Dean and now, he betrays Dean for Kelly. He cares for her, he even gets excited about becoming a father. He starts doing something he didn't do before: he closes his eyes when he hugs her. He starts giving forehead kisses, spending nights talking and planning a life. He even uses Jimmy's name to rent the house, he connects with his human side to give Kelly a place where she can be happy. He learns to live like a human, taking care of the furniture and food. He falls in love with the dream of a life with her and Jack, next to a lake, with all tbe green area he wants. He finally ends up giving up his life for them. He dies for that dream. For his happy dream.

Castiel gives his life for Kelly and Jack.

When he's back, when Jack brings him back, he instantly bonds with Jack. He loves Sam and Dean, but Jack, he's another story. Jack is the second REAL connection he's capable of. First Kelly and his need to keep her alive, safe and sound. Now Jack, Kelly's son. Dean taught him that he was capable of loving, but he experimented it with Kelly, he did that himself. Because he loved Kelly he didn't kill her, because he loved Kelly Jack choose him to be his father. Because he loved Kelly he betrayed the Winchesters. Because he loved Kelly, he loved Jack.

Jack becomes the main reason of his existence. Jack becomes his world. The owner of his "eyes-closed hugs". The owner of his time and words. The owner and main reason of every one of his thoughts. The love that Castiel feels for Jack has no limits. When Jack dies (the first time) Castiel refuses to let it like that. He goes to Heaven. He gives Kelly another of his hugs, the ones that he saves just for her and Jack. And...

He gives up his happiness for Jack.

Jack and Kelly are everything to him. Jack lost his soul, killed Mary, worked for Heaven, listened to Lucifer, killed the snake, but Castiel refused to give up. He couldn't give up on his son. He was ready to fight and kill Dean for Jack. And then he had to see his son die for a second time. He had to see Jack's body possesed by a demon. He had to destroy his son's body to kill that demon and all he got from Dean was shit.

He lost everything and the same person who taught him love didn't do anything more than yell at him and make him feel miserable. He became a new person (because yes, he's kinda a person after 12 years on Earth) when he discovered that Jack was alive. He could never be happy with Jack dead, he was never alive himself with Jack dead. His relationship with the Winchesters was never the same once Jack appeared into pucture. Castiel's attention turned entirely to Jack. Jack was his family and he made that clear many, many times.

Castiel's happiness it's not a relationship with Dean, it's a long, peaceful life for Jack. Castiel's only real concern it's Jack, he doesn't really care about anything else. He would (he made that clear too) let the world explode just to not let Jack die. Dean has tried to kill Jack many times out of rage (maybe out of jealousy too), has tried to lock him up, has trated him badly. Dean fucked up Jack so bad that Jack thought that the only way for Dean to love him was dying. Dean is the reason of Jack's massive and deadly depression.

Maybe one day Castiel loved Dean. Maybe in the past they had a chance together. But now, Castiel doesn't love Dean, he just has a terrible, toxic relationship with him. One where Dean bullies his son and he's constantly feeling like he has to make Dean happy.

So no, I can't believe that Castiel's happy moment it's actually related to Dean and not to Jack. Castiel doesn't love anyone more than Jack.

Castiel deserved better. He deserved Heaven with Jack and Kelly, a place where he's finally at peace, with his family, a beautiful green area and his eyes-closed hugs.

#jack kline #castiel #kelly kline #supernatural final season

[6ftslytherin]

Queer OC Questionnaire

Name: Sabine V. E. Lowell

1. What is your oc's identity?

Androgynous lesbian woman

2. When did they realize their identity?

In a way she's always known.

3. How did they feel when they found out?

(Trigger warnings: internalized homophobia and a suicide attempt)

Sabine had always felt like there was something different about her than the other girls. She never really understood how they could dream about getting married to a handsome gentleman. When she finally heard about other girls liking girls it was in a negative connotation. She hadn't thought that what she felt was bad but this was a respected adult saying it.

Her family being the famous Lowells taught her that one of the most important things that she could do was continue the bloodline by marrying a man and having children. When she asked about having children with a woman her grandfather Virgil laughed and told her it was ridiculous. She never brought the question up again.

Over the years the shame would build. It wasn't just her sexuality that made her feel bad. Her weird behavior caused her family to be ridiculed. She had indirectly killed her brother John. She was the cause of the argument that made Jacob leave. She wasn't feminine. Her parents deserved better. Being herself dishonored the Lowell name. She wasn't even sure if her parents actually loved her anymore.

She tried to be the best daughter she could be but she always felt bad about who she was. She couldn't even tell anyone because she didn't feel like her problems mattered compared to other's. Eventually all the shame and guilt built up which is when she decided to end things. She couldn't deal with the pain anymore.

She was fourteen when she stole a bottle of sleeping pills from a muggle pharmacy with the intent to take the entire thing. She decided on a date when the fewest people would be home and made peace with the people in her life. When the day came she wrote a note explaining everything and downed the bottle with a glass of wine. She became light headed and passed out a bit later.

She woke up in a bed at St. Mungo's. She didn't have the strength to argue when she was offered a spot in the pediatric section of Waterhouse Psychiatric Hospital and agreed.

4. How long did it take for them to accept themselves?

It wasn't until she was being treated in the psychiatric hospital that she began to let go of the guilt. Her parents hired a private psychiatrist to help them. The psychiatrist, Dean Garth, would help her and her family come to terms with their feelings.

She still sometimes has moments where she feels less than because of who she is. She now has technics and a stronger support system for those moments.

5. Are they open about their identity? Did they come out subtlety or dramatically?

She came out in her suicide note. She wasn't expecting to live so she didn't feel like it would be a big deal. When she woke up the day after she remembered the note and felt instant regret. When she had her first session with Dean she found out that her parents had read the note and given it to him. She felt deeply embarrassed about it.

After a few sessions with Dean he asked if she would be willing to have a session with her parents. She agreed. Sabine was surprised by how much her family really cared about her. They wanted to help her with her problems and felt like the worst parents in the world that Sabine thought the only way to stop the pain was to die. For the first time in years she cried in front of them. She no longer doubted she was loved.

She would slowly come out to her friends and extended family over the coming months.

She decided to be openly gay starting on September 1 1988.

6. What were the inital reactions of their friends and family?

Overall very positive. They were more concerned with Sabine's mental health at the time.

7. Did anyone know before they came out?

Her mother had an inkling by the time Sabine was 11. She thought she had a crush on Rowan. Her grandmother Colette knew by the time Sabine was 5. When asked to elaborate Colette responded with, "I just knew." Looking back on it, her grandmother had always been pro-LGBT. It turns out that Colette's uncle had been a closeted gay man that lived a double life until his death.

After she got out of the hospital she was hanging out with Rowan and told her. Turns out Rowan already knew. Not only that, but Rowan also liked girls and identified as a demigirl.

When she told Jacob his response was, "Yeah, no shit."

8. Was it a complete shock to some people?

Martinius Lowell, head of The Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, a job that requires the ability to see minute details, had no idea.

Her oldest brother Sef came back from Switzerland to spend time with her. Turns out he wasn't aware either. He was embarrassed about never noticing.

One day when Marie was visiting Sabine in the hospital she told her cousin she liked girls. Marie responded by saying she also liked girls. That was when the girls realized they were both the gay cousin.

9. What has their love life been like?

There was a girl that went to the same ice rink as her when she was eight that made her feel strange. She loved watching her skate and talking to her. She wanted to say something to her. Then she remembered how her fellings were wrong. So she didn't say anything to her. She started avoiding her. Eventually her crush for the girl died off. They went to the beach when she was twelve and she saw an older girl she was unable to stop looking at.

Sabine joined the Slytherin quidditch team in her second year. There she met Skye Parkins. After months of training and playing together Sabine considered her a friend. Sometimes Penny Haywood would talk to Skye and make Sabine feel weird. For some reason she only wanted Skye to talk to her. After awhile she realized she was attracted to Skye. She felt awful for liking a girl again. She started to hang out with Skye less.

In the Summer of 1987 when Sabine was fourteen she met Yvonne Silverpot, a fifteen year old girl. She was doing some modeling work for Sabine's mother at the time and needed a place to stay. Yvonne took an interest in Sabine. She often asked Sabine to spend her free time with her, which she obliged.

Whenever Sabine or Yvonne were free they would be with each other, quickly becoming friends. One day Yvonne asked Sabine if she had ever kissed anyone before. She answered truthfully that no, she hadn't. Yvonne offered to be her first. This surprised Sabine. She tried to explain that girls aren't supposed to kiss other girls.

Yvonne closed her eyes and said, "I'm going to keep my eyes closed for five minutes. Kiss me if you want. I'd like it and I think you would too." Sabine fought against her instincts before she gave in and kissed her. Yvonne left a few days after that. Sabine knew she would probably never see her again.

It was late September when Sabine accidentally outed herself to Merula. She had felt so comfortable in the conversation they were having it had slipped out. It had clearly freaked Merula out. She didn't say anything. She just got up and left. Sabine sat there, marinating in her panic induced nausea. She closed her eyes and started to use deep breathing techniques.

Sabine could tell Merula was avoiding her. She wouldn't even look at her when they had potions class, even though they sat next to each other. In between classes Sabine asked Merula if they could talk in private. Merula agreed. Sabine asked her if she had told anyone, she hadn't. Sabine was relieved. She explained how she didn't want her to tell anyone. Merula agreed but stated it still made her uncomfortable. Sabine didn't like it but was glad she was being agreeable.

Weirdly Sabine and Merula started to get closer. Merula didn't seem capable of the venom she used to spew at Sabine. They even had a private sleepover to celebrate Merula's birthday, Sabine's roomates being gone due to Christmas. Merula had gotten comfortable enough to share a bed with her. Sabine had got to sleep happy that they had finally buried the hatchet.

That morning she woke up to an asleep Merula holding onto her. Sabine almost had a heart attack. That was when she had a thought; hold her back. She almost did. That was when she realized she once again had a crush. She would have to distance herself to keep her from getting hurt. She wasn't able to fall back asleep. When Merula woke up she apologized for holding her. Sabine said she didn't mind, even though she did. The day after she began to distance herself from Merula.

The problem with this being in the same house, having the same classes, and sitting at the same table. Merula often asked if Sabine wanted to hang out or study together. Everytime she would decline Sabine could see the hurt in Merula's eyes, even if she acted like it didn't bother her.

Then one day in spring Merula had enough. She challenged Sabine to a private duel at night. Sabine arrived at the location expecting an angry Merula ready to fight her. Instead Merula was quietly waiting for her. It was almost eerie. Sabine asked what was happening. Merula simply said, "Do you hate me?" Sabine would have been surprised by the boldness if it had been anyone else, she said no.

Merula then demanded to know why she was avoiding her. Sabine couldn't think of anything to say. How could she explain that she had developed feeling for her? Then something shocking happened, Merula hugged her. She said she wanted to be around her again. That it hurt not to be. Merula buried her face in Sabine's chest. She said, "I need you to stay in my life because your the only person that treats me like I'm worth a damn. I think I like you. And that terrifies me."

Sabine was in a daze. She liked her? Sabine was scared. She slowly moved her hand onto Merula's head. Sabine breathed in deep. She said everything she had been holding in her heart. She told her how special she felt Merula was. That was when a thought came to her. Sabine swallowed hard and said, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Merula looked at Sabine. She said yes. The two of them started to cry out of happiness. It was almost bitter when they had to part. They agreed to meet up in Hogsmeade the week after, Sabine would come up with a date plan. They went back to the Slytherin common room while holding hands.

A month later Sabine asked if she could refer to Merula as her girlfriend. She agreed.

Strangely, Sabine's never been romantically attracted to Rowan. That was when Sabine realized she had a type. Tomboys.

How do they feel about their identity now?

Sabine is significantly happier since she was able to get the help she needed. She accepts the fact that she isn't going to magically wake up one day as a feminine heterosexual and she's glad she won't. Her family likes her girlfriend and she wouldn't want it any other way.

Blank questionnaire here:

#hogwarts mystery #hphm #sabine lowell #jacob's sibling #mc #merula snyde #jacob's sibling x merula #mc x merula #sabine x merula #lesbian #pride

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

The Trials of Emi

Pairing: A little Minho. A sprinkle of Frypan. Gally x Emi(OC)

Summary: Emi, her twin brother Thomas, and a small group of gladers had been rescued and taken to a safe haven. Or so it seemed. It doesn't take long for Thomas to realize something is wrong. What happens next is a true trial for all of them but Emi's trials began the moment she was ripped away from a dying Gally. Watching someone you love die right before your eyes truly takes a toll.

Finally meeting the right arm could have been the end but betrayal leads to even more chaos and loss. A new mission to rescue those taken from them leads them to a city. The last city. After Emi finally comes to terms with everything that's happened something unfolds that changes everything again. She will have to not only deal with helping her brother take down WCKD and save their friend but also deal with all the new problems in her head and her heart.

Rating: As of right now it’s at most PG13. Some strong language that’s about it but it could change.

(This is the 2nd part/book to my other story "The Maze trials: A Gally Fanfiction". This will cover the events of the scorch trails and the death cure.)

Chapter Ten

The guards started moving immediately pulling the kids two at a time to put on the aircraft.

"Hey!" Thomas shouted as he stood.

I was quickly on my feet standing next to him. I knew what he was going to do and I needed to be beside him for it to work. Our friends we're on their feet behind us.

"Hello, Thomas" Ava said softly.

Teresa appeared out of the guards behind Ava. She moved to stand right next to the doctor.

"Glad you're safe" Ava told Teresa.

"The hell? Teresa?" Fry asked as he stepped closer to Thomas and me.

"Wait, what's going on?" Newt asked stepping closer as well.

"She's with them," Thomas said bitterly.

"Since when?" Minho asked in shock.

"Oh, Teresa has always had an evolved appreciation of the greater good. Once we restored her memories it was only a matter of time." Janson explained with a smug grin.

My hands balled into fists at my side. I can't believe we trusted her. I can't believe I looked at her as a friend.

"You bitch" I spat at her.

If she wasn’t wedged between Ava and Janson I wouldn’t be hesitating. I knew if I lunged for the traitor’s throat, like I wanted to, I’d be dead before I could even touch her. The thought of her being protected by them. Her being on their side filled me with a rage I’d never felt.

“What about every god damn thing that happened to us!? What the hell is wrong with you?” I shouted as I stepped forward.

Just as I thought, the guards behind her instantly trained their weapons on me. I felt two different hands. One grabbing each of my wrists. My chest was rising and falling rapidly as I starred at the one I want blood from.

"I'm sorry. I had no choice. This is the only way. We have to find a cure." Teresa said like it was a matter of fact.

Bullshit. Absolutely unbelievable bullshit. I gritted my teeth together to keep myself from lashing out at the girl. The hands holding my wrists tugged me backwards until I was firmly standing next to Thomas again.

"She's right. This is all just a means to an end. You use to understand that Thomas. No matter what you think of me I am not a monster. I am a doctor. I swore an oath to find a cure. No matter the cost. I just need more time." Ava said sternly.

"More blood," a woman said from behind us.

I turned to see an older woman with her hands bound standing to her feet.

"Hello Mary, I hoped we'd meet again. I'm sorry it had to be under these circumstances." Ava said softly.

Mary. That's the name of the doctor that saved me. Was this woman that doctor?

"I'm sorry about a lot of things too but not this. At least my conscience is clear." Mary said with her head held high.

"So is mine," Ava said quietly.

A shot rang out making me jump. Mary fell to the ground as the man behind her shouted. He caught her in his arms.

"Mary? Mary!" He shouted trying to wake her.

Her torso was quickly covered in her own blood.

"No!" The man holding her screamed.

I turned back towards Ava to see Janson holding the gun that had killed Mary.

"Come on Janson. Load them up. Let's go. All these people get rid of them. Let's go!" Ava ordered as she turned her back on us.

As Ava started to walk away a guard grabbed Thomas and me. Thomas elbowed him making him stumble back.

"Get back!" Thomas shouted as he pulled the detonator out of his pocket.

I moved to stand next to him again then pulled the actual bomb out of my pocket. I held it in my hand so all of them could see it.

"Everyone stand back! Stand back. Let them go." Thomas ordered Ava.

"Thomas, put it down," Janson ordered.

"Let them go!" Thomas shouted.

"You know I can't do that," Ava said softly as she shook her head.

"Thomas please stop. I made a deal with them. They promised we'd be safe. All of us." Teresa begged.

I glared at her as I tightened my hold around the bomb. My heart was thumping in my chest.

"So I should trust you now?" Thomas asked in disbelief.

"It's true, it was her only condition," Ava confirmed.

"Shut up!" Thomas shouted in fury.

"Everything can go back to the way it was. Thomas, do you really want all of them to die?" Ava asked softly.

"Listen to her Thomas. Think about what you're doing." Janson said reaching a hesitant hand out.

Newt, Fry, and Minho stepped up to stand close behind us. I felt an arm move between mine and Thomas' bodies. I looked down to see Newt's hand grab Thomas' free one.

"We're with you Thomas," Newt said proudly.

"Don't" Ava said looking suddenly panicked.

"Do it Thomas," Minho ordered.

"We're not going back there," Thomas stated.

"Thomas" Ava said hesitantly as she took a step back.

"It's the only way," Thomas said as he raised the detonator.

I held the bomb tighter. My eyes closed as I tried to ready myself for what we were about to do. This was it. This is how it ends. With a bang.

"Thomas!" Ava shouted.

A loud horn blared behind us. We turned to see a jeep speeding through the camp. It drove right past us towards one of the helicopters. It rammed the helicopter off the cliff then spun around and stopped. Instantly the fighting commenced as we ran in different directions. Thomas grabbed the bomb from my hand then tossed it a few feet away.

"Get down!" He shouted.

My body hit the ground a second before the explosion. Thomas had fallen beside me. We both scrambled back to our feet. I grabbed his hand to pull him with me. We ran in the direction of Newt, Fry, and Minho. I watched as Minho grabbed a gun off the ground. Newt and Fry ran past him. He started firing as Thomas and I reached him.

"Get out of here!" Minho shouted at us.

Thomas pushed me forward. We both ran past him up the hill to the other two. We took cover to watch what was happening below us. The scene was total chaos. Minho was firing at three guards coming towards him. I watched as his gun ran out of bullets. The guards raised their guns and all three shot him at once. He fell to the ground convulsing.

"Minho!" I shouted trying to jump to my feet.

I’ll be damned if I let another one of us go down. I scrambled for a gun. For anything to fight back with. Thomas, Newt, and Fry all grabbed me keeping me firmly planted. We watched as Minho was drug away from us and onto the aircraft. The other guards, Ava, Teresa, and Janson were quick to climb aboard. I watched as the aircraft closed its door then flew away. Another glader gone. So many of us were gone.

The people left at the camp slowly started to take in the damage. We worked together to bring all the dead together and gather what salvageable material we could find. By the time most of it was cleared it was mid-morning. I found my brother, friends, and Vince all sitting together on the hill. I was quick to join them.

"What do we do now?" Fry asked as he starred out at what was left of the camp.

"Now we pick up what's left of us. Stick to the plan. We get you kids to the safe haven. Then start over I guess." Vince answered.

Thomas stood up from his seat next to me.

"I'm not going with you." He said simply as he pulled on his backpack.

I was immediately on my feet next to him. I didn't know his plan but no matter what I was with him. He is my brother. My blood. I'll always have his back even if it kills me.

"What?" Vince asked in disbelief.

Thomas glanced at me then back to Vince.

"I made a promise to Minho. I wouldn't leave him behind. I have to go after him." Thomas said.

A rescue mission to save Minho? I'm in. Even though he was the one that killed Gally I understood it. That didn't make it hurt less and Minho wasn't even close to my favorite person but he was still family. If Thomas was going to risk his life to save him I’ll be right there too.

"Hey kid, look around you. WCKD kicked our ass. Think about where you're headed." Vince told him sternly.

Thomas took a moment to readjust the backpack on his shoulder.

"I'm not asking anyone to come with me," Thomas said softly.

"You don't have to ask me Tommy," I told him.

Thomas looked down at me with a soft smile. He knew no matter what he did or said I was going with him.

"Thomas listen to me. I've known Minho for as long as I can remember. So if there is any way we can help him trust me I would be up there standing next to you both. This, what you're talking about, is impossible." Newt explained as he sat on a rock.

"More like suicide," Jorge said from where he leaned against the jeep.

"Maybe, but I know what I'm supposed to do now. It's not just about Minho. It's about all of us. It's about everyone WCKD has ever taken and everyone they will take. They'll never stop. They'll never stop so I'm gonna stop them. I'm gonna kill Ava Paige." Thomas said with determination.

I proudly stood next to him knowing I'd follow him into hell. The look the came over Newt’s face told me that he too would follow Thomas no matter the put come.

"I have to admit I'd like some revenge," Harriet said looking at Vince.

Vince sighed.

"Well, it's a good speech kid. So what's your plan?" Vince asked Thomas.

We all turned to face the boy next to me. He had a ghost of a smile on his face. He knew we were all with him. If WCKD was gonna go down we all wanted a hand in it. Those bitches have taken too much from all of us.

—

#nothingbutfangirlsmut #fanfiction #gally #gally imagine #gally smut #gally x reader #the maze runner #the maze trials #tmr gally #original character #the trials of emi

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

No one' POV

6 days before the wedding

(Y/N) moved back in the survey corps headquarter but, this time she started using the room attached to her office. It wasn't as big as Levi's room as she was of a lower rank, but, it was big enough for her to stay in for a week. Her belongings were brought in the room with the help of her squad members from Levi's room. (Y/N) was worried about how things would go with the landlord of the house she thought of renting, given that she wouldn't need it anymore, but it went quiet well as the landlord was a very understanding person. It all happened the day after Levi came to talk to (Y/N).

"(Y/N)! WAKE UP!" (Y/N) woke up to the shouts of Hanji. "Being commander didn't change her a bit... I'll have to lock my door from tomorrow" (Y/N) thought spitefully as she sat on the bed and glared at Hanji. Starting from talking to that landlord to cleaning this entire room and making it liveable, (Y/N) did all that yesterday and wanted nothing more than some extra hours of sleep, but, of course, Hanji has no regard for privacy.

"Did someone die?" (Y/N) asked Hanji, hoping that she would have a valid explanation for waking her up. "Not yet but I'm pretty sure I would if you don't come with me now?" Hanji replied. "Why?" (Y/N) asked her, irritation never leaving her face. "Well, if I can recall properly, I was given the responsibility to get you a wedding dress. I don't have any idea how long it takes to make those but I'm pretty sure it would take about a week. So, we need to go now." Hanji explained. "Hanji, I'm not planning to have a big wedding anymore. I will talk to Levi about it today. I don't think I'll need a wedding dress as we will just get it done on papers in the Trost court house. After all that tragedy, I don't think I am ready for a big wedding." (Y/N) explained, appreciating the thoughtfulness of Hanji but annoyed that she was woken nonetheless.

"(Y/N), it's your big day. Trust me, you won't regret buying a dress. If you deny it right now, as your commander, I order you to get your ass up and go with me." Hanji told (Y/N), looking serious suddenly. "Okay? Well, I know this shop. The shopkeeper, an old lady, helped me out in a tight spot once. I want to buy the dress from there." (Y/N) demanded, recalling the time when she was chased by the military police. "Yeah sure. No problem. Get dressed now!" Hanji told (Y/N) with a smile, not moving from her spot. "Well, I'm surprised that you didn't try to convince me to have a big wedding..." (Y/N) told Hanji as she got her skirt and shirt out.

"Well, that's true but it doesn't mean you would necessarily have a simple court wedding..." Hanji muttered, her mind in the clouds. (Y/N) looked straight at Hanji with suspicion and asked, "Hanji, what exactly do you mean by that?". "Oh! What? Well, life is tricky right?! You never know what could happen in the future. Never mind what I'm saying, okay?" Hanji babbled with a nervous laugh, thus increasing (Y/N)'s suspicion.

"Okay... " (Y/N) answered, clearly not accepting Hanji's attempt to hide whatever intentions she had. Hanji still didn't move from her place. "Uh, Hanji, could you get out of my room? I need to change clothes." (Y/N) told her. "Oh sure, I'll be in the stable. Be there in 15 minutes." Hanji told before running off. (Y/N) quickly dressed up, ran to the breakfast hall and grabbed a steamed potato and ran off to the stables while eating it, barely making it in 15 minutes.

"There you are! Let's go to that shop you were talking about. I had Diana saddle the horse." Hanji said excitedly. Diana stood there, holding the horses. (Y/N) thanked her and got on the horse. Hanji did the same and she followed her to that old lady's store. The old lady immediately recognised (Y/N) when she entered the store. "Hello Ms (L/N)! I'm so glad you were okay after that day! What brings you here?" the old lady asked (Y/N). "Good to see you ma'am. Without your help I wouldn't be alive to see this day. I am heavily indebted to you for that. You see, I am about to get married soon and I was planning to buy the wedding dress from here." (Y/N) explained with a smile.

"Oh, yes dear, I did hear about the wedding. Congratulations! I've heard that Captain Levi never showed any intention of settling down. Poor man probably lost so many comrades that it must've been hard to fall in love. I'm glad that he is finding solace in life. I am really happy for the two of you. However, I'm afraid that I could not give you much options to choose from in case of wedding dresses. It takes about a month to make a custom made wedding dress and as much as I've heard, your wedding is in a week right? I'm afraid that you have to choose from one of my pre-made wedding dresses. I can certainly alter those for you in a week." the old lady explained.

"Oh, that's not a problem. I'm not having a big wedding. It's just going to be a courthouse wedding. After all the tragedies from the operation to retake wall Maria, it seems unfitting to have a big wedding." (Y/N) sighed. "Very well, take a look at the collection then. Please follow me." the old lady said with a smile.

"Uh... Hanji, isn't it a bit...revealing?" (Y/N) muttered with a blush as she tried on a white wedding dress with a warm pink border on the hands and the hem of the dress. Over the breast, there was a baby pink thin border. The whole back was open in this strapless dress. The simplicity of the dress showed (Y/N)'s beauty perfectly, though the marks on her back had to be removed with makeup, which Hanji knew she could convince Historia to do for (Y/N). (Y/N) however, was concerned about how revealing the dress was because...she was (Y/N). She had never been much keen on fashion. "(Y/N), you only will get married once. This dress suits you better than all the other ones." Hanji tried to convince (Y/N).

After about 30 minutes of Hanji's attempts to convince (Y/N), which later ended with an "I'm your commander (Y/N), you'll buy this dress", Hanji successfully got (Y/N) to order the dress. The old lady promised to alter it to (Y/N)'s size in a week after taking her measurements. "Well, I'll have to let Levi know about my plan for the courthouse wedding.. I guess I'll have to go to his office after going to the survey corps headquarter." (Y/N) thought as she got on her horse.

Meanwhile,

Levi was sitting at his office, getting paperwork done. He didn't talk to (Y/N) since that day but no matter how much she missed her, he knew that she needed some space and he respected that. Suddenly, someone knocked at the door. "State your name and business" Levi said, loud enough for the person outside the door to hear. "Great. The last thing I wanted to deal with was people. As if all these paperwork aren't bad enough." Levi thought to himself, making an irritated expression.

"It's cadet Schwarz. I needed to talk to you, heichou.". "Come in" Levi replied as Marie from (Y/N)'s squad got in the room. Levi didn't approve of the fact that (Y/N) allowed this girl on her squad because she almost got (Y/N)'s whole squad killed on expeditions. At the end, (Y/N) had to save all of them even though she felt sick when she used 3DMG. The amount of titans were less during the night time expeditions, but, there were always those special titans that could move using the moon light. "What is it?" Levi asked her, not looking up from the paperwork.

"Well, heichou, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss. I honestly never thought squad leader (Y/N) would ever do something like this. But yes, I never liked her much anyway. Honestly, when I heard that the special operations squad is taking members, I thought it was your squad. I had no interest in joining some junior's squad. However, if now that I am more experienced, could I join your squad? After all, squad leader (Y/N) doesn't seem to go to any expedition at all nowadays..." she tried to continue but Levi stopped her.

"Hold on, what are you talking about? You really thought that you could say all those shit about (Y/N) and get to join my squad? Even if you had a minimum amount of decency, you aren't qualified enough to join my squad. I saw how you were on expeditions. You nearly got your whole squad killed more than once. If (Y/N) wasn't there, you all would be nothing more than titan shit. Weren't you complaining about not going to expeditions recently? Tell me, cadet, how many people came back from the last expedition? Have you ever seen as less as 9 people coming back from an expedition before? I didn't think so. If you are so eager to be titan fodder, I can get someone to take you and throw you off the wall. By the way, what loss are you talking about?" Levi told her with a stoic expression, still not looking up from the paperwork.

Marie on the other hand was on the verge of crying. "Well, I heard that the wedding is cancelled? That squad leader (Y/N) left you?" Marie choked out. "Levi, I needed to talk to you about the wedding." (Y/N) entered Levi's office just as Marie finished. Levi looked up from the paperwork at (Y/N) and said, "Where did you run off to during breakfast? Oh, and there seems to be a rumour about our wedding getting cancelled. Cadet Schwarz just informed me about it.". " I see. Well, the wedding is happening. Infact, I went to the market with Hanji to order a wedding dress today. That's why I had to leave during breakfast. Oh and Levi, I was wondering if we can get a courthouse wedding. I don't think a big wedding would be fitting after such a big tragedy..." (Y/N) sighed.

"That's fine with me." Levi simply answered. "Marie, tell whoever that started the rumour that the wedding will take place. By the way, Marie, you are violating the dress code. Your shirt has three buttons opened. I'm supposed to report things like that to Hanji but I suppose I will give you a chance. I don't want to see such indiscipline again. Aren't you slacking off from cleaning duties right now? Go get your work done now." (Y/N) ordered Marie firmly. "Hai!" Marie muttered before getting out of Levi's office. "I left you alone for a week and people already are flirting with you." (Y/N) sighed as she sat on a chair in front of Levi.

"If that was flirting, she was doing a horrible job at it." Levi muttered as he looked back at the paperwork. "Why do you insist on keeping her in your squad? She almost killed your squad more than once because she was trying to save her own skin. She just talked bullshit about you moments back. That type of soldier isn't fit for an elite squad." Levi muttered. "She has potential. However, I'm second guessing my decisions now given that she is after you." (Y/N) sighed. "We really are getting married..." (Y/N) muttered with a small smile. "Hmm. We are." Levi muttered, looking up from the paperwork towards (Y/N). "Do you think we will have a happy life?" (Y/N) asked him. "I don't know about that. A happy life in this world sounds unlikely, but, I know that I won't regret a single thing about this decision." Levi answered. "I won't regret anything either" (Y/N) told Levi with a smile.

4 days before the wedding

(Y/N) was at the courthouse. She sat with Hanji, Jean and Historia at the waiting room. Historia was reading a letter that Ymir sent her through Reiner. Hanji arrived there not long ago. Levi was going to bring Eren, Mikasa and Armin. (Y/N) didn't face Armin till and didn't know how she would either. However, she had to do it sooner or later. "Is that all there was?" Historia asked when she was done reading. (Y/N) was distracted by her nervousness when Jean was asking Historia if there was any code. Armin would be here soon. (Y/N) didn't know how to react when she would see him. After all, he was chosen to live over Erwin... Just then, Levi, along with Eren, Mikasa and Armin entered. (Y/N) looked at Armin for a moment before looking away. She wasn't ready to face him yet. Armin got the message and didn't talk to (Y/N) either.

The court made the decision to let everyone inside the walls know about the new threat. That the new enemy was the world. It was time for a little break and after the break, the plans of making Wall Maria safe would be discussed and a decision would be taken. (Y/N) sat with Levi and Hanji, the only higher up members left in the survey corps.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe we should start the operation to make Wall Maria safe as soon as possible when the new recruits come in. Maybe train them for a while too. It would take about four months to get all the titans killed given that the executioner from hell would still be working. It would all be done by winter in that case. The death toll will be high though.." Hanji sighed as she sipped her cup of tea. They were all sitting in the waiting room, having tea and discussing the plans. "Hanji, I have an idea. It's more of a gamble but it might work really well." (Y/N) told Hanji as she sipped her tea.

"Huh? I thought you didn't like gambling." Hanji muttered, quiet surprised. "I usually don't but see it as a tribute to uncle Erwin." (Y/N) replied. "What's the plan?" Levi asked (Y/N). "Well, what if we wait till winter? I will have my delivery by then and can participate in the mission. The executioner from hell could be working before snowfall starts. If the new recruits are given longer training, they will be more efficient as we won't be avoiding titans anymore and instead will be charging towards them. If long term training is given, and I'm in the front line, the four months could be reduced to a month and there would be fewer deaths." (Y/N) explained.

"But.. We never went on expeditions during winter... Snow storms could completely ruin everything..." Hanji muttered. "Yes. There's always that risk but snow storms usually occur during December. The weather is more or less peaceful on Januarys even though that's the coldest month. We will need more insulated uniforms however." (Y/N) explained. "That does make sense... But you're supposed to be on rest for 2 months after childbirth." Hanji stated. "I'll be fine by a month. Trust me." (Y/N) answered to that. "(Y/N), I won't let an injured soldier on the battlefield." Levi stated, glaring at (Y/N). "Levi, I can attend training for a week before the expedition. If I'm performing good enough, I'll go. In both ways, number of deaths will be reduced. If I don't go, it might take a bit more time but that's all about it." (Y/N) answered. "Very well, I'll propose this plan to the supreme Commander." Hanji stated.

2 days before the wedding

(Y/N)'s plan was accepted by the Supreme commander. Hanji was in charge of implementing it as she was the new commander. It was printed in newspapers about the truth behind titans. Today, the nine survivors from the operation to retake wall Maria would be honoured. (Y/N) along with her squad was present there, to see the others get awarded. There, before the awarding ceremony started, she came face to face with Armin. Floch was telling him that he didn't deserve to live and Erwin did. That made (Y/N) remember exactly what her mother told her a few months back. Floch was wrong. Armin deserves to live. They both did.

"Floch" (Y/N) called out as she approached the group. "Don't ever say that someone didn't deserve to live. Both of them deserved to live. Armin just was the lucky one. That's all there is to it." she told him. "Sorry, squad leader (Y/N) but it's just what I think." Floch replied. "Floch is right. If there is anyone who can get us out of this situation.. It's not me." Armin stated with a grim expression. "What makes you say that? Didn't you just hear what (Y/N) said?... " Eren said as he continued about everything outside the wall, about freedom, about how no one knows the outcome. He did learn a lot from Levi. (Y/N) knew that Levi would be proud of him.

"Armin, I wish uncle Erwin was alive and standing here too. However, that doesn't mean I wish you were dead. You got the chance to live, so make it worth uncle Erwin's life. You need to make us all proud now." (Y/N) told Armin. "Hey, you brats. It's time. Line up." Levi told the others as he arrived. He made an eye contact with (Y/N), letting her know that he appreciated what she just did right now. After all, all that was left to do for now was to make things right. At least before the real war breaks.

The wedding day

(Y/N) woke up earlier than usual. No, she just didn't sleep all night. This was it after all. She would get married sooner than ever. Hanji made it clear that (Y/N) wasn't allowed to meet Levi before the wedding. She seemed very keen about maintaining the traditional ways which didn't make any sense to (Y/N) as she will be going to the courthouse with Levi. (Y/N) sat on the bed looking at the wedding dress that was hanging on a hook on the door. It was too revealing. All her scars will be visible...

The sun was just rising when she woke up. Hanji was keen on having a bachelorette party but (Y/N) dismissed the matter completely. She wasn't into social gatherings and she didn't have much friends to begin with. The only people she could've invited were Mikasa, Hanji and probably Sasha. Historia was out of the question as she was the queen. Besides, Levi didn't have any friends either. He probably wouldn't count his squad since they are half his age. Hanji was the type of person who wouldn't bring age between friendship as she was childish by nature. (Y/N) felt nervous, excited, and felt butterflies in her stomach.

"Why the hell am I feeling like a teenager?" (Y/N) thought irritably. She got out of bed, wore her a skirt and shirt and went to the breakfast hall. She knew that Hanji would probably be upset if she met Levi during lunch. After all, Hanji had been getting (Y/N) her food in her room by her new squad members for the last two days. She even made sure to warn (Y/N) not to go to certain places like the courtyard because apparently Levi will be training recruits in the courtyard. (Y/N) picked up a bread and some mashed potatoes and took them back in her room. Just after she was done eating, Hanji entered her room with... Historia? "(Y/N), I have some surprises for you!" Hanji exclaimed.

"Historia? Didn't you leave Trost?" (Y/N) asked surprised. "Ah about that, she didn't leave Trost. I lied to you. She stayed back for your wedding." Hanji explained. "But I'm not having a big wedding... It's just going to be Levi and me... Wait... What the hell did you do Hanji?!" (Y/N) glared at Hanji. "Well, I might have planned a wedding for you. In the headquarter courtyard." Hanji stated with glee. "Hanji, I told you that I don't want a big wedding. Why wouldn't you listen to me?" (Y/N) asked, absolutely frustrated with Hanji.

"(Y/N), what do you think Erwin would've wanted? Would he be happy with the fact that you are giving away this once in a lifetime experience because he passed away? I understand that you needed time to grieve and that's why I decided not to burden you with things like planning a wedding. But (Y/N), trust me, you won't regret having a big wedding. We couldn't delay it because of the social issues as you are pregnant. Please try to understand why I did it." Hanji explained. (Y/N) sighed at it. Hanji was right. Right now, she may not be feeling like having a big wedding but later, she probably would want this to be memorable.

"Does Levi know?" (Y/N) asked Hanji. "Hehehe, I knew you'd come around! Well, I sent Mikasa to tell Levi about it." Hanji said excitedly. "I see..." (Y/N) knew that wouldn't go too well as Levi didn't particularly like Mikasa as she was always going against him when it came to Eren, not to mention that she almost killed him. "Hanji, you're my maid of honour then." (Y/N) blandly stated. She wasn't much into grand gestures anyway. "Yes I know." Hanji said with a smile.

Meanwhile, Levi woke up not too long ago, had breakfast, and was in his room, choosing a coat and shirt for the wedding. He didn't bother to go and buy anything new because he had more than enough formal attire. Levi, surprisingly, didn't feel as calm as he usually feels about stressful situations. Infact, his insomnia was worse than ever last night. He himself was surprised by the amount of nervousness he was suffering from and was feeling irritable ever since he got up from the negligible amount of nap that he took while sitting at his desk. A knock at his office door distracted him from the work at hand.

Not pleased with the distraction, Levi walked into the office and said loud enough for the person on the other side to hear, "State name and business." "It's cadet Ackerman. The commander sent me." said the monotone voice from the other side of the door. "What does shitty glasses want now... If she gets me more paperwork, I'll break her hands. I've been doing her fucking work for the last two days because of her shitty excuse of training recruits." Levi thought irritably before saying, "come in". Mikasa got in the room and without any further explanation, she merely said, "Commander Hanji planned your wedding. She said it's gonna happen in a courthouse over her dead body. I was supposed to inform that to you."

"Wait, what?" Levi asked, completely confused. Mikasa didn't answer to that. "Get shitty glasses here right now. I need some explanation." Levi commanded Mikasa. "Sorry, I can't do that. She is convincing (Y/N) that this was a good idea now." Mikasa answered. "Fine. You're dismissed." Levi told Mikasa before getting out of his office and going straight for (Y/N)'s office.

"Well, it's 6am now. The wedding is at 9am. I've invited all of the survey corps members and their families, the lady from the shop who made the dress, some people from the Garrison and the military police, who had good ties with Erwin. They all will be here by 9. Lunch will take place at 12pm. After that, we can all rest for a while before the party during evening, where dinner will be served. Some people from the press will be here too as Levi is practically a celebrity and you're on your way to the same path too. So, you need to get started on your makeup now. Historia got some really good ones to get rid of those marks on your back." Hanji explained, sounding excited.

"I see. Well, when were you planning to let me know of all these?" Hanji turned to see Levi standing at the door with arms crossed. "Oh, um... Well, it was a surprise. Didn't Mikasa tell you about everything?" Hanji chuckled nervously as Levi continued to glare at her. "Well, Mikasa was informative enough to let me know that you said that a courthouse wedding will take place on your dead body. Infact, that's the only thing she told me except just saying that I'm not having a courthouse wedding." Levi told in a monotone tone before looking at (Y/N) and asking, "Should I make that a dead body?" as he pointed at Hanji.

"It's fine. She can live. She managed to convince me that this is a good idea." (Y/N) sighed before looking at Hanji and asking, "Why aren't you trying to hide me from Levi? Isn't the so called 'tradition' being broken now?". "Oh, you really thought I care about stuff like that? I was trying to keep the two of you away so that you won't find out that I was bluffing about Levi training recruits." Hanji explained to (Y/N) with a smile. "Wait, so, weren't you training the recruits?" Levi asked Hanji. "What? Of course I wasn't. I was busy planning the wedding and I didn't have time for paperwork and I needed you out of the courtyard too, so I made you finish all my paperwork. Oh, by the way, I took the cost of decorations off your salary." Hanji told Levi with a smile.

"I'll kill you someday shitty glasses." Levi stated monotonously. "Relax, I paid for the decorations by myself. Consider that as a wedding gift. I got all the food for free though. The Reeves company supplied all the ingredients for free as a token of appreciation as we took back wall Maria. Jean and Sasha are cooking. Apparantly they both are good at it? I heard from your squad that they had a cooking competition back in their trainee corps days. Oh, and I paid that priest that you booked for your wedding to come here and get you two married." Hanji explained to Levi. "Well, thank you. I need to choose a coat now. " Levi told Hanji before going back to his office. "Well then, Historia, do your best to get (Y/N) ready. I'll go see if all the arrangements are going well." Hanji told Historia before getting out of the room.

Three hours later,

"Yes, its all done." Historia told (Y/N) happily, admiring her own handiwork. Not one scar on her back was visible anymore and (Y/N), as she got in front of the mirror, saw exactly how beautiful she looked. Historia tied her hair in a beautiful bun, gave her a really natural looking makeup and the dress showed off her petite figure perfectly. "Well, you'll be walking the aisle in about 30 minutes. I'll send someone to call the commander. She is supposed to bring the flowers." Historia told (Y/N) before she got out of the room. (Y/N) sat alone and something crossed her mind. Who will walk down the aisle with her? It was supposed to be Erwin but now... "Woahhh! (Y/N)! You look amazing!" Hanji exclaimed as she entered the room. She was wearing a green dress but her hair was as greasy as ever. (Y/N) muttered a "thank you" as Hanji handed her a bouquet of white lilies. "Well, it's time. Let's go." Hanji told (Y/N) as she took her to the door to the courtyard.

Meanwhile, it took Levi an hour to choose his clothes. Everything just had to be perfect. He chose a navy blue coat, pants and tie with a grey shirt. He debated for a while about whether he should close the top button of the shirt but decided to leave it open as that made him look better. He took a shower, brushed his hair perfectly so that not one strand will be out of place, ironed the shirt, coat and pants and wore everything, all in 3 hours. Levi sat down by his desk, feeling fidgety as he never imagined he would be facing something like this before. Just then, he heard a knock. "State your name and business" Levi said as usual. "It's Eren. Hanji-san sent me." The voice outside the door said. "Come in." Levi answered.

"Hanji-san said that the wedding will start soon... Heichou, you look...uh...nervous?" Eren said, his face slightly contorted. "Do I look like shit? You can say it on my face." Levi told him directly. "Uh... Not exactly like shit but you look like... You would call it constipated, sir." Eren said, giving up all his confidence into making the sentence. "I see." Levi sighed. "Heichou, it's not my place to say it but I don't think (Y/N) would want you to be nervous. I mean, you're only getting married to her. She probably would want you to feel at comfort because it's her." Eren chimed in.

"Yes. You're right." Levi stated in his usual monotone voice after giving an intense stare at Eren, which obviously creeped Eren out. Eren was right, he should be comfortable because it's (Y/N) that he's getting married to. He had never been as comfortable to anyone as he had been with (Y/N). "Hanji-san asked me to tell you that you are being called at the aisle. The wedding is about to start." Eren informed, still creeped out. "Very well. Let's go then." Levi told, back into his confident monotone voice as he followed Eren.

(Y/N) stood in front of the door to the aisle. Alone. She never missed Erwin as much as she did now. "The last thing he left me with was a broken promise." (Y/N) thought. "Hello, (Y/N). Congratulations on your wedding." a familiar voice called out from behind her. "Hello, commander Pixis." (Y/N) answered sourly. "I'm sorry for your loss. Erwin spoke of you quiet often. He cared about you a lot." Pixis told (Y/N) as he stood beside her. "Yes. I know. However, it seems like everyone who cares about me is never there when I need them." (Y/N) answered in a stoic voice.

"Hah. A sharp mouth. Just like the mother. I'm glad you're a better person though." Pixis laughed. "I don't remember Gloria (L/N) having a sharp mouth. Thanks for your compliment nonetheless." (Y/N) answered. "Well, let's just get to the reason I'm here. It seems like you don't have anyone to walk down the aisle with you. My second in Command happens to know that you're my daughter and she decided to confiscate my alcohol if I don't act as a responsible father. I was hoping if I could walk down the aisle with you." Pixis stated.

"Well, if I were to be a good daughter, I wouldn't let you walk the aisle with me because drinking that much is bad for your health. If I were to be as bad a daughter as you were a father, I would still not walk the aisle with you as everyone in the military knows how addicted you are to alcohol. This would make a good revenge for abandoning me. However, since I'm neither a good daughter nor a bad, I can say that you are bluffing about the whole thing because if your second in command forced you to come here, she would be around to see if you are trying to convince me to walk the aisle and I don't see any person anywhere in this corridor." (Y/N) answered.

Pixis let out a small laugh at this and said, "You keep proving to me that you really are my daughter. Anyway, I would tell you the truth then. Back when your mother told me about you, I wasn't ready for a child, so, we came to a deal that I would pay her and she would give you a better life. A part of the deal was that when you are grown enough, she would send you up here and I would get you into the military, giving you a good position in the Garrison and taking your responsibility. However, it seemed like your mother couldn't control her greed and sold you off, enjoying all the money I sent her by herself. When the survey corps found you, I decided that I was not good enough to be a father. After all, I never looked after you, I never saw what condition you were being kept into. I decided that you would have a better life with a normal family instead.

When that incident with Jacob happened, if I stepped up as your father, the court would have to deal with further complications as you were getting special treatment ever since you came up aboveground. I had no intention of letting you go to the juvenile detention and thus I talked to my political connections and got Erwin involved. I told him the whole thing and asked him to look after you. Then the tragedy of Wall Maria happened. The (L/N) couple died and I could've told you that I was your real father but I figured that you would hate me for not telling you before and making you suffer so much. That's when I decided that it's best if you never know. That was until you found out. I pretended to be the irresponsible father who wanted nothing to do with you because you were happy enough with this life.

We all know that in the military, there's no guarantee of how life could end up to be. I had my own fears about what the survey corps would find in Jaegar's basement. Fears that came to be true. I, however, expected Erwin to be back alive and you to have a good life. I never expected him to kick the bucket so soon. Nevertheless, I can't pretend to be a good father in any way, but, I had my reasons of doing what I did. Right now, I want to make amends for it, so, let me walk the aisle with you. Please.".

"So you're here for the title of being my father and to play family out of nowhere." (Y/N) answered. "If you put it that way, then yes. That's exactly why I'm here." Pixis said, his voice sounding serious. "I can't ever see you as my father. My father was Thomas (L/N). However, I would give you this chance as it will help us both, you with your redemption and me for not walking down the aisle alone missing uncle Erwin even more." (Y/N) answered in a serious tone before holding Pixis's arm. "Oi (Y/N), it's time. Uh... Why are you here, commander Pixis?" Hanji asked both of them as she came to notify (Y/N) to get out of the door. "He will be walking me down the aisle." (Y/N) simply answered. "Ohhh... Okay?" Hanji muttered, confused with the whole deal and thinking how this possibly happened. "Let's get on with it then." (Y/N) told Hanji, a small smile forming on her face.

[The music from attack on titan's first closing theme begins]

A small (H/C) haired girl was running towards the only opening of the underground city where sunlight comes from the upper cities and it is not guarded by soldiers. (The hole where Isabel left her bird to escape in No Regrets). She hid behind a rock however because a boy, a teenage boy with black hair was sitting on a rock nearby, watching the sunlight enter the place.

Sono yume wa kokoro no ibasho

Your dream is where your heart is

Only both the children didn't know that their dream was the same. To get out of this hell. To find freedom.

Inochi yori kowareyasuki mono

It's something more fragile than life itself

The boy noticed the girl walking away. He looked up at the sunlight, dreaming of the day he will get out of here.

Nando de mo sutete wa mitsuke

Constantly abandoned and constantly found

The small girl was sitting on the floor, hugging her thin bony legs, her face white with fear. The green cloaked men beat up all the bad people just moments ago. She saw a tall blonde man approach her.

Yasukara ni saa nemure

So rest in peace now

She looked at the blond man in green cloak as he held his hand out to her. She was scared but she took his hand. Everything would be alright now, right?

Myakuutsu shoudou ni

My pulsing urges

The small frail girl sat in front of a huge bloodied corpse, a bloodied knife in her hand. She accepted the fact that dreaming was for the foolish. Dreams never came true.

Negai wa okasare

Tramples upon my wishes

The black haired boy, stood in the rain and mud looking at the severed head and bitten off torso of his only friends. He accepted the fact that dreaming was for the weak. That he would never dream again.

Wasurete shimau hodo

As often as I sadly forget

The black haired boy, now the strongest soldier of humanity, walked towards the stable to tend his horse. When he reached, he saw a (H/C) haired girl

Mata omoidasu yo

I remember once again

She looked like the exact reflection of himself, a person weathered by the weight of circumstances. He was surprised to see those dead eyes, that unsmiling face. Who is she?

Kono utsukushiki zankoku na sekai de wa

In this beautiful yet cruel world

The same black haired boy, now a grown man, suddenly, felt a jolt of lightening surge through him as he stood at the end of the aisle. This happened to him a few times before. Everything felt connected.

Mada ikiteiru no koto naze to tou bakari de

I endlessly question the reason of my survival

The small frail girl, now a grown strong woman, approached him from the others end of the aisle with a slight smile on her face. He couldn't explain with words, how beautiful she looked to him. He knew that he had to protect her as long as he lived.

Ah, boku-tachi wa kono tsuyosa yowasa de

Ah, with this strength and weakness

She walked towards the man with slow steps, she noticed his mouth slightly open, eyes widened. She didn't understand why.

Nani wo mamoru no darou

I wonder what it is we'll protect

She lost so much in life that it was natural that she felt living wasn't worth the pain. That was not the case, however. He gave her the strength to go on. So did their child.

Mou risei nado nai naraba

When a reason ceases to exist

The vows were made and the bride and groom kissed. Even when there was little reason to go on, this life with each other meant everything to them. After all, this small world of theirs once again, witnessed an Ackerman’s awakening.

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi x reader #levi aot #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #captain levi #levi ackerman