#the mortifying ordeal of being known

[the-crooked-library]

the cardinal, #1 rule of hannigram is that while Hannibal is more evil in a traditional sense, Will is 100% objectively more unhinged, leading to a constant push-and-pull between exactly how far Hannibal’s plan reaches vs how far Will is actually ready to go, with jealousy acting as a spontaneity bonus. neither of them is in control and their love is a torrent neither of them expected or could ever have prepared for, largely because both of them were convinced they could never be loved for what they truly are

my point being. the ship endures because we all think the same thing, deep down

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannigram #will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal nbc #the mortifying ordeal of being known #the rewards of being loved

[liesandnights]

The mortifying ordeal of admitting you do want to be loved vs the mortifying ordeal of not wanting people to pity you or feel bad for you vs the mortifying ordeal of wanting to reciprocate affection but being useless vs the mortifying ordeal of being careless with others and actually feeling bad vs the mortifying ordeal of being perceived as vulnerable at all.

#the mortifying ordeal of being known #literature #dark academia #spilled ink #escapism #chaotic academism #light academia #vintage aesthetic #art #tumblr writers #romantic academia #poetry #music #love #life quotes #being loved #chaotic academia #rant post #txt post #late night thoughts #love quotes #writeblr #art history

[tricky-pockets]

yeah yeah the mortifying ordeal of being known, I know. look, sometimes it's not being known that's the problem, it's that generally you do have to be perceived first. which, of course, is a wet ham sandwich of an experience with little to recommend it.

it'd be much more pleasant to just arise in someone's mind like a. a whatsit. an epiphany. no faffing about with perception, skip directly to knowledge.

#the mortifying ordeal of being known #sam tag 🌌

[zorinanana]

cat activation noise

#leona kingscholar #idia shroud #leoide #twisted wonderland #twst #twst comic #twst fanart #fan comic #cat activation noise #this got 500 likes on twitter and im terrified #THE MORTIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN

[sunpdf]

liv ullmann, changing // ocean vuong, on earth we’re briefly gorgeous // hana shafi, gaze // tim kreider, i know what you think of me

#liv ullmann #ocean vuong #hana shafi #tim kreider #changing #on earth we're briefly gorgeous #gaze #i know what you think of me #the mortifying ordeal of being known #perceived

[inkylizard]

#josh ritter #lyrics #comic #Hello Starling #the mortifying ordeal of being known #handwritten #Not me checking notes on this post like 'am I adored yet?'

[kyacchan-comics]

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known

#kyacchan art #drawing #art #illustration #comics #webcomics #comic #webcomic #The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known

[orionsangel86]

The Goncharov thing has now breached containment so much that Martin Scorsese himself has got in on the joke and confirmed he made it years ago.

I don't know whether to be proud of this hellsite or recoil in horror at just how far its come from being a safe little bubble ignored by the rest of the world.

Bit of both I suppose.

#goncharov #martin scorsese #hellsite (affectionate) #the mortifying ordeal of being known

[pebblume]

I never realized how liberating writing fanfiction would be. I hadn’t written creatively in years. It’s been so long that I kind of forgot what it felt like. The childlike rush of pouring your heart out onto a blank page, not caring about the results as long as you were having fun. I’ve tried writing fanfic a couple of times, for different fandoms across the years, but never finished anything I was really happy with, nothing that I felt comfortable sharing with the world. But something just clicked for me this past week. I realized how much fun it was to stretch out my writing muscles, to get inside the heads of my favorite characters. I realized that it didn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of being shared and loved by others. I realized that I had so many stories inside myself - more than I thought possible. 

But perhaps what I’m most in awe of is fanfic readers. The people who read my work and leave kudos and bookmarks and comments - one word comments, sweet comments, silly comments, paragraph-long comments. I love them all. I used to be afraid of leaving comments on AO3, afraid I wouldn’t have enough words, wouldn’t have the right words, to depict how I felt. But when I felt firsthand how much those comments meant to me I started leaving more and more of them, spreading a digital paper trail of love to all my favorite authors. More and more often I recognize the profile names and images in my comment section and think, Hey, I know you! Now I’m not just a guest on AO3, or a passive reader. I belong here. 

I won’t lie and say I don’t miss drawing a bit, my previous creative outlet. There are plenty of drawings inside me too, itching to be realized. I really just don’t have the time for two time extensive hobbies, not when I need to balance school and practicing and little things like sleeping and eating and relaxing. I miss it, but not as much as I thought I would. There’s a level of investment to sharing a story online that feels…special. When I post my art, I get engagement, and it feels nice, but ultimately, most people are only spending about ten seconds looking at the work I spent eight hours on, if that. When someone reads my fics, we’ve now spent time together. You’ve lived inside my head for a bit, made it your home. It’s about feeling seen, I think. Writing makes me feel understood in a way visual art sometimes doesn’t. It makes me feel vulnerable in the same way performing music does, but less exposed too. It’s interesting to me. 

The only downside, if you can call it that, is now that the writing bug has infected me, I’m finding it harder and harder to stop. I’ll have an idea and then suddenly five hours have flown by because I’m on a creative streak and I just want to write one more idea down, which turns into two, and so on and so forth. I dread stopping, because what if I forget something? What if I get into a writing block later? Suddenly I have people who want to read the things I write and I want to provide it, I really do, but I also have responsibilities. I say, as I write this, ignoring my audition tomorrow afternoon. 

I still have a bit of embarrassment attached to fandom works. When I tell acquaintances that I like to draw or write, I rarely tell them I mean fanart and fanfiction. As if loving something that deeply, that sincerely, is inherently shameful in this age of irony and soulless remakes. Especially when my interests usually consist of media marketed towards children, nevermind the fact that it has more emotional maturity than most ‘adult’ works. But I’m trying to get better about it. A lot of my closest friends know about my hobbies, and some I’ve even let see my work. It’s terrifying but also giddying, seeing them like an art post or comment on a fic. After all, to reap the rewards of being loved, one must submit themselves to the mortifying ordeal of being known, or something like that. 

I realized today that I’ve written over 30,000 words in the past two weeks about about two characters who don’t belong to me, but whom I’ve made my own.

And I’ve never felt happier

#some sily thoughts i had today #might delete later #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #archive of our own #ao3 writer #writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #fandom #the mortifying ordeal of being known

[unclewaynemunson]

What if the bats got Eddie so bad that part of his guts were damaged beyond repair and he needed to get a stoma?

TW for body issues and medical content (I guess? Please let me know if I should use another TW for that)

EDIT: I posted an extended version of this post on ao3. Thank you @spectrum-spectre for helping me get there <333

They were in Eddie's bathroom, Eddie on the stool that had been placed there for him before he got home, and Steve standing right in front of him. Eddie was still recovering, but he had finally gotten the green light to leave the hospital. He had spent the day with Wayne, who was now at his night shift, so Steve had arrived to the trailer to keep Eddie company instead. Nobody really liked the thought of Eddie being alone in the trailer, even though Eddie himself pretended like it was all fine – the guy was a terrible liar, and Steve wouldn't mind spending some time with him anyway.

At least, he had thought he wouldn't mind, before he actually got there. He had pictured them spending a couple of hours hanging out together, then helping Eddie get ready for bed, and falling asleep in Eddie's bed together at a reasonable hour because Eddie still needed his rest. What he had certainly not pictured, was Eddie practically begging him to leave him to his own devices behind a locked door in the bathroom.

'I'm not letting you do it alone,' Steve said, getting tired of Eddie's stubbornness. 'Wayne would kill me if he found out, and I only just won his trust – not worth it, man!' He hoped that throwing Wayne in his arguments would be more successful than his concerns about Eddie's health and safety, which did not seem to hit home at all.

'I can take care of myself, alright?'

'Barely,' Steve couldn't help but scoff.

'Wayne can help me with this shit in the morning!'

'I know, but he isn't always here. What if you need help when he is at work?'

'I can teach Nancy how to do it, or Robin.'

Steve wanted to say something along the lines of 'So it’s just me who you don't trust with this?' but he knew it'd be a real dick move to make this about himself, so he decided to go for logic instead.

'Both of them will be off to college after the summer,' he pointed out. 'And I'll be right here. So why don't you teach me how to do it and let me help you?'

Eddie opened his mouth, no doubt to protest some more, but Steve was losing his patience by now.

'Look, you need a backup close to you, man,' he said. 'You want Dustin to do it?'

Eddie chuckled darkly. 'God, no,' he mumbled.

He squeezed his eyes shut – but not before Steve caught a glimpse of the tears Eddie was apparently trying so hard to hold back – and suddenly he understood that this wasn’t just Eddie being an annoying little shit. Eddie was scared. He was vulnerable. And trusting people when you were scared and vulnerable... Well, that was a goddamn scary thing, even Steve knew that.

'Hey,' Steve said, in a much softer voice than before. 'I got you, alright?' He gave a gentle squeeze to Eddie's knee, feeling the soft skin through the rips in his jeans against his fingers. 'It's okay, I really don't mind. I'm happy to help you out. And I’ll be careful, you can trust me.'

'It's not that I don’t trust you, it's...' Eddie took a deep, shaky breath and Steve could sense that something important was coming.

'It's kinda gross, you know. The whole stoma thing. And, like, extremely unsexy.'

And there was something about the combination of Eddie calling it unsexy and him preferring the help of Robin or Nancy over Steve's... Something that Steve very much could not begin to unpack right now, even though it was doing something weird to his stomach.

'It's not gross,' he protested, focusing on the other – the easier – part of Eddie's confession. 'It's just your body, man, it's part of being alive. I like that you're alive.'

'I can barely even look at it,' Eddie whispered, so softly that Steve could barely make out the words. It sounded so small, so un-Eddie-like, so fragile...

'So let me take care of it,' Steve tried. 'I'd be happy to do it for you. And I promise I won't find it gross. I mean, yeah, maybe it's not sexy, but not everything needs to be sexy at all times. Things can be neutral, right?'

'Are you sure?'

'Yeah.' He made sure to not lose eye contact with Eddie as he nodded earnestly.

'Okay. I think I can settle for neutral.'

'Can I take off your shirt?'

And somehow, that got him another chuckle.

'Sure, big boy, you can take off my shirt,' Eddie answered.

Steve felt like there was a joke in there that went over his head, but he helped Eddie pull the black fabric over his face and his curls.

There was so much more to look at than the tiny piece of intestine peeking out of Eddie's belly and the pouch filled with turbid liquid attached to it. There was also a whole maze of wounds and bruises scattered across his torso, some all-too-familiar looking bite marks that would no doubt leave scars in Eddie's sides. But none of it was gross or unsexy. Yes, maybe some of it was neutral – Steve wouldn't wish the bite marks both of them carried onto anyone – but underneath all that, there was something else: it was the fact that this was Eddie's skin, that the half-torn-apart tattoos he saw had once been selected by Eddie, that Eddie's heart was beating in that chest...

Steve quickly let his gaze travel upwards, back to the safety of Eddie’s eyes.

‘Alright, tell me what to do,’ he said.

Eddie finally gave up his protesting and guided Steve through the process of taking off the pouch, cleaning the skin underneath it, and applying a new one.

'Sorry,' Steve mumbled when he was struggling to attach it properly.

'Don’t worry. Takes a while to get the hang of it,' Eddie answered. And Steve tried not to think about how there seemed to be a promise in those words, a promise that Eddie would trust him to take care of him, now. That he'd get to do this often enough to get the hang of it. That he'd get to know all about Eddie's body.

'Thank you,' Eddie said in a soft voice when they were all done.

'You don't need to thank me for that,' Steve protested.

'No, I mean, thank you for... Not, like, flinching or, I dunno, looking disgusted or something, when you...' He stumbled his way through the words, uncharacteristically awkward, as if he felt ashamed of what he was trying to say to Steve.

'No need to thank me for that either,' Steve answered earnestly.

But Eddie still looked at him with those scared wide eyes, so he gently placed both his hands on Eddie's bare shoulders.

'You look...' He swallowed, chickened out right on the verge of saying whatever it was he was going to say. 'It's not disgusting. Not at all. It's... It's just you.'

And there was this shy smile around Eddie's lips, as if he knew exactly what Steve had almost blurted out.

'I think it's kinda metal,’ Steve added in attempt to steer things back to safer territories - and for the first time since they were in that bathroom, Eddie let out a real, actual laugh.

He playfully bumped a fist against Steve's shoulder.

'You really don't know enough about metal to decide that, big boy.'

Steve chuckled. ‘Well, I’m pretty sure Izzy would agree with me on this one.’

‘Ozzy,’ Eddie corrected him, rolling his eyes but still smiling.

Steve's hands were still resting on Eddie's shoulders, and Eddie wrapped his arms around Steve's back, tugging him closer until he could rest his head in the crook of Steve's neck. Steve was sure Eddie would be able to hear how violently his heart was beating right now, but he didn’t pull back, didn’t move; he simply kept holding him, gently tracing his hand over the bare skin of Eddie’s spine.

Eddie wasn't the only one who had been damaged beyond repair, but in this moment, in the trailer's tiny bathroom, they could simply hold each other and pretend like they were both still whole.

#full disclosure: i don't have any personal experience with stomas #so everything in here comes from what my housemate told me and some internet research #please let me know if i should make any changes!!! #tw body issues #tw medical content #the mortifying ordeal of being known #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stoma #stranger things #fruity ficlet #don't mind me rambling about stranger things

[lena-oleanderson]

blood in side wounds and other poems

#poetry #lena's poetry archives #web weaving #poets on tumblr #blood #cw blood mention #quotes #literature #webweaving #words #side wounds #religious themes #on love #on friendship #the mortifying ordeal of being known

[asublimehimbo]

i think hugh dancy understands

#link to the interview is in the comments! #hannibal #hannibal nbc #murder husbands #will graham #hannibal lecter #hannigram #hugh dancy #this piece seriously touched my heart... #like he put into words something i had been trying to decipher since i started watching hannibal #it IS about identity. it's about the condition of being seen #the mortifying ordeal of being known #and how romance intertwines with that #but its also about something bigger because of the toxicity of the relationship will and hannibal have

[blueingsfairy]

i see you vs the mortifying ordeal of being known. i need fic writers to stop sleeping on this angst gold. you’re telling me that “i see you” are not the scariest words to tell a human person? i need more even if they are like funny/crack of human s/o reacting badly to that because have you seen how we seem to be terrified of being seen.

#avatar imagines #avatar 2 #avatar the way of water #lo’ak #lo’ak x reader #neteyam #neteyam x reader #i see you #please don’t #the mortifying ordeal of being known #the only cultural difference that matters is how afraid you are of being known #avatar x human reader #spider socorro

[indigo-a-creeping]

#top surgery #fundraising #the mortifying ordeal of being known

[thebeautifulfantastic]

web weaving, 9.26.23

little women, dir. greta gerwig / frances ha, dir. noah baumbach / “pierre,” ryn weaver / “fear and trembling,” gang of youths

#belle speaks #the mortifying ordeal of being known #and thus is winged cupid painted blind #frances ha #little women #web weaving #belle’s diary #greta gerwig #sylvia plath #gang of youths

[anouri]

pleadingly, all i ask for is one thing: to be seen, to be understood, or to be revered.

brideshead revisited // the affliction // l’amore, la morte, e il sogno // juliet // the picture of dorian gray // gas leak // unloveable // crush // the tale of cupid & psyche // come the slumberless to the land of nod

#to be truly seen #the mortifying ordeal of being known #the very act of my wanting it was an assurance that i would not get it #web weaving #mine #cupid and psyche #traci brimhall #brideshead revisited #the picture of dorian gray #richard siken’s crush has altered my brain chemistry #richard siken #to love despite one’s flaws is to carve away a piece of them and decide that that portion is not worthy