#the real joke here is that i don't go to therapy when i definitely should.

[vodika-vibes]

Early Morning

Summary: You can't sleep, your boyfriend has opinions about it.

Pairing: Commander Wolffe x Reader

Word Count: 895

Warnings: Spicy

Tagging: @trixie2023

A/N: I don't know where this came from, but I do know it's short because my husband woke up early and tried to make me think about Christmas presents rather than letting me focus on this.

Divider by Saradika

Sometimes, all the time really, you have a hard time sleeping. Insomnia, your doctor calls it sympathetically. No treatment, he says, maybe therapy will help, he offers.

As if you have the time for that.

But that brings you to this situation. Laying in bed, desperately wanting to fall asleep, your eyes burning with exhaustion, and yet you’re unable to still your mind long enough to actually fall asleep.

And you feel bad about it, because your handsome Wolffe deserves a restful sleep, and you know that if you get out of bed, he’ll wake up and no one will get enough sleep.

You roll onto your side, and press your face against his chest, deeply inhaling the familiar, comforting scent of Wolffe, and you close your eyes. He’s warm and comforting against you, his strong arm slung tightly around your waist and his legs tangled with yours.

Even in sleep, Wolffe wants you close.

It’s adorable.

With how he tends to carry himself, you had expected him to be protective over you. But once your relationship developed to the point where he was spending the night, his clinginess was a surprise.

A surprise, but a pleasant one.

You press a feather light kiss over his heart, and he stirs, his hand ghosts up your back and settles on the back of your neck, “Mm…cyare?” His voice is rough with sleep and you sigh silently and lean up to press a kiss to his throat.

“Go back to sleep, Wolffe.” You murmur against his throat.

“Why are you awake?” he asks, his touches becoming a little more firm, and when you pull back to look up at him, his gaze is surprisingly alert.

“I just can’t sleep,” You reply softly, as you slide up the sheets so you’re able to look Wolffe in the eye, and both of your hands come out to cup his face. “You should, though. I’ll go and watch a holo or something in the living room.”

His grip tightens around you, “You definitely won’t fall asleep if you’re watching a movie, cyare.” He points out his fingers trail from the back of your neck to your throat.

“I know,” You reply, “But better that than laying here and keeping you awake.”

Wolffe rolls onto his back and lightly tugs you so that you’re laying on his chest. 

“You’re very awake for 2 am, Commander,” You tease gently, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his jaw.

“So are you, angel.” He slides his hands up your sides, his touch feather light and gentle. Gentle enough that you shiver, and he rumbles out a quiet laugh.

You try to pout at him, but are unable to keep the smile from crossing your face, and you trail your fingers lightly across his face, tracing over the familiar features with a very gentle touch, “I love you,” you whisper, rather than giving his comment any real answer.

Wolffe catches one of your hands, and presses a firm kiss against the palm of your hand, “I love you too. Even if you never sleep.” He jokes lightly, his eyes closing as your free hand continues lightly trailing across his face.

You watch as Wolffe relaxes under your touch. And you smile at him. His brothers would never believe how soft Wolffe can be with you, how he lets you take the lead in the relationship.

You lean in and kiss him, softly and gently, trying to push all of your feelings out into that one kiss.

He sighs into the kiss, and his hand tangles in your hair, and when you press your forehead against his, he looks up at you so adoringly, “I love you,” He breathes out, as he tries to bring your lips back against his.

“I know, I love you too.” You reply, allowing him to bring you back into another kiss. And then another, and another. Each one more heated than the one before.

One of his hands slides to your hip and then down to your thigh, his grip almost bruising, as he flips the pair of you so you’re pinned to the bed beneath him. 

He breaks the kiss and flashes you a wicked smile, “If you’re not going to sleep on your own, ner cyare,” Wolffe coos, “I’ll just have to wear you out, won’t I?”

Your hands slide up his bare chest, “You don’t have to.”

“Oh, my angel. This is a duty I’m happy to perform,” Wolffe reassures with a growing grin, as he slides his hand from your thigh to just over your ribs, “So, how do you want me?” 

Your breath catches in your throat, something that he notices based on the smug grin crossing his face, “Like this,” You reply, sounding slightly breathless, “Just like this.”

He hums in delight, “I am a fan of the classics,” Wolffe replies easily, “And if you’re not ready for sleep when I’m done, then I’ll just have to get creative, won’t I?” He kisses you sweetly, and then his lips move to your throat, pressing soft, sweet, kisses which quickly turn into hot, open-mouthed kisses. And then he bites down on the junction between your neck and shoulder, and a moan slips from your lips.

“There we go, cyare.” He murmurs against your skin, “Sing for me, angel, and I’ll take care of you.”

#star wars #tcw #commander wolffe x reader #wolffe x reader #clone thirsting #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction

[sophieinwonderland]

I stray onto system TikTok every once in a while, and there's this one series of videos that piqued my interest. It's essentially a short set of jokes about what life would be for a singlet in a world where most people are systems – what fakeclaiming would be for them, how language would change ("singular personality disorder" is one example), how a person would even come to realize they're a singlet, etc! I thought it might be something you would be interested in thinking about. What do you think life would be like, if most of the world was plural and being a singlet was seen as rare?

Ooh! This is such an interesting concept!

I could definitely see some sort of Singular Personality Disorder existing, with most singlets who are observed by psychiatrists being those that need to seek treatment, it might be seen as inherently unhealthy. I think when singlets experience sadness or anger, plurals would become confused about why the singlets' other headmates aren't helping them.

The idea that these biological humans existed without other internal agents to support them would seem alien.

It's likely that doctors would recommend something akin to IFS therapy or tulpamancy to "fix" these singlets and make them normal. Some might not even believe it's possible, and think that they have headmates and just aren't listening to them

Let's go even further though, because the implications for such a world would go so far beyond just how singlets are treated.

Gender May Not Exist

I don't think gender as a concept makes sense anymore in a world where most people have headmates of varying genders. There may still be sexism based on the body, but it wouldn't make sense for stereotypes about how people of different genders should act or dress in this world to exist.

I think all pronouns would be gender neutral, but our needs for pronouns would change. We would need a singular "I" for a headmate to refer to themselves, a system-specific "we" to refer to the collection of headmates, but also a broader "we" to refer to your system and others. Perhaps the system we could be "ve," just because the "v" looks like a lesser W.

"I" = Myself an individual headmate.

"Ve" = Us as a system of headmates.

"We" = Our system along with other systems.

Similar things would need corrected for other pronouns to denote whether they referred to a single headmate, a whole system, or a group of systems.

One idea is to just apply the current gendered pronouns to a completely different concept in this alternate universe, with every individual headmate being referred to by he/him pronouns while the system as a whole is referred to by she/her pronouns. (Just using it that way because "she" is "he" + an extra letter, so it makes sense to be applied to the greater group.)

Polygamy would probably be commonplace

With different headmates having different desires, and being seen as their own people, it would would probably be normalized for bodies to have multiple partners and spouses at once. Monogamy wouldn't make sense in such a world.

Especially when headmates will often have in-system relationships.

What is a family structure?

Okay, so polygamy is normalized, parents switch to different headmates which may have varying levels of attachment to the child born from another headmate. But there are also often more parents for the child to become attached to. In some real cultures, it's normal for the entire extended families to take on parental roles. Perhaps that's what this society would look like.

And this would also have a ripple on affect the architecture of the world. We would see fewer small houses, and more larger homes made to accommodate massive families of 20-or-more people.

So many possibilities...

Honestly, there are so many ways to expand from here. I feel like we've barely scratched the surface. Each of these changes to the world and its history brings with it so many new variables. How even do birthnames work i this culture?

A world like this would be so far removed from our current reality that it's almost impossible to conceptualize how different it would be.

#ask box #system stuff #system things #plural #pluralgang #endogenic #plurality #plural system #endogenic system #actually endogenic #actually plural #tulpa #tulpamancy #tulpas #plural things #system #multiplicity #tulpa system #endo system #endo safe

[davy-zeppeli]

So I don't own a diary so I'm writing my thoughts here because it's my blog, fuck you.

The past month has been absolutely hellish. I've changed teams at work, had immense pressure put on me following this due to other managers in my area feeling the need to hound and scrutinise my team's work, and then I broke up with my partner, essentially throwing away any and all financial and home security I had in my future.

I separated with my partner for my own independence and freedom, to put it bluntly. 4 years together showed me we were perfect for eachother - same music taste, sams interests, many great and fun adventures together - but after 4 years, little things built up. Not being able to take the bus without scrutiny. Not being able to buy things I want in the shop due to it 'wasting money'. Stopping drinking because he didn't like it. Not being able to stay over at a friend's house without giving him dates and times I'd be back, as well as who I'm staying with and where. One of our last discussions was him asking me if I still loved him, which I did and do - but he also asked me if I'd been seeing other people. I didn't know it at the time, but it was a level of insecurity and fear expressed by him that was the primary indicator that something wasn't right.

About a week or so later, I suggested I move out and we try being friends.

This was not easy. Jesus Christ, it was hard. He took it well, and I can say now after a few more weeks we've both made peace with it. We're still best friends. He always will be! But it feels good now knowing that we're classifying our relationship as what it always was - best friends who live together. I've been told on numerous occasions that we really did just seem like roommates who happen to be together, and it only took until now to see it. But, despite it all, I feel a lot happier following my decision.

I have a flat pretty much secured for May - he has a new flat mate lined up for after I leave. I have my freedom, and now it's a case of getting used to it.

Then comes my other crisis: Daniel.

So, I really hope he doesn't ever see this. He won't.

I've worked with Dan for over a year now - occasionally saying hello in the office after bonding at a work's party. Separate teams, never had much reason to interact past that. Until I moved teams - onto his team.

When I say this man has been a crucial anchor for me, I mean in wholeheartedly and with such sincerity that I can't put it into words in a way that would do it justice. He was the one who made me realise, yeah, my situation isn't great at the moment, is it? Yeah, I enjoy going out, don't I? Yeah, the anti-depressants aren't nuking my libido, are they? It's something else. He's one of the most chill, sarcastic, and real people I've met in a long time - and he's got his own trauma to show for it. We've made the joke we're similar - both in therapy, both play instruments, both love music, etc. But as such, we both know how to read eachother too well. And boy, he read me like a book.

After going to his open mic (with his family, might I add. I thought more people would be going, but no - it was me and his family) and one gig with him, I'd realised I like him. A lot. A painful amount, actually. Yes, getting over my failed relationship was definitely contributing to it, but I can say now as well, with the beauty of hindsight, I do still like him. If he asked, I would. If he does ask, I will. He's very important to me. I like him very much.

It then became evident he liked me back.

I won't sugar coat it - we've slept together. At this point in time, about 6 or 7 times. That's more than I did with my partner in 4 years. I should feel like dirt for my quick 'turnaround' but I just can't bring myself to care about it. I thought I was broken, man, and that the anti-depressants had fucked me. Evidently not. He's told me after several heart-to-hearts that he cares about me a lot and trusts me. And I've echoed the same sentiment to him in return. I've stayed at his flat, we commute to work, I've met his family for christ's sake. You'd expect this to lead to us being together.

It has not lead to us being together.

To put it bluntly - he's not looking for a relationship right now. He has his own baggage he's trying to handle from a freshly broken relationship and moving house, so I am understanding. Does it make it hurt any less? Nope. When he told me this, aware I felt different, he put a boundary in place to protect me. No intimacy, just friends. I knew it was for the best, I trusted him and respected his needs. We moved on.

Now, the week following that decision? Torture. I wanted to be near him all the time, but had to make sure I respected him and his limits. It was for the best, in the end, because he was right - I was infatuated with him given my circumstances. So I can say now I'm not as head over heels for him as I was. He said it best himself: "I treat you with a little bit of respect and decency and you think I'm Jesus. You're just not used to having more than one of your needs met at once". Does that mean I don't like him any more in that way?

Absolutely not - but I know that it's something he doesn't want, so I'll put it on the back burner indefinitely. I love him too much as a friend to risk losing him over something like this.

Then comes last night.

The boundary was in place. We went out following a particularly stressful work day. We drank, we listened to live music, we had fun! Near the end of the night, he asked me how I felt towards him. Unprompted, almost. So I answered honestly:

I like him. Can't deny I like him. But I'm able to see that it's not what he wants, and I'm fine with that. I respect his boundaries. It doesn't mean I'm not attracted to him. His reaponse?

He nods. He asks me how I'm getting home. I say I haven't planned it. He asks if I want to go back to his. I agree. Once most people have left the bar and we're two of the few people left, he kisses me. Good fucking god it was like being hit with a bat. I'd missed it. I missed him. Needless to say, we went home, played some Guitar Hero, and then slept together. Our situation is friends with benefits and I'm happy with that.

Now, why am I typing all of this out? Like I said, I have no diary. I haven't been able to articulate these thoughts for a month in a way that would cause significantly reduced collateral damage. My therapy has been cancelled the past two times. I needed somewhere to speak.

If for some reason someone has read all of this - thanks? Feel free to ask questions. I don't mind. It might help me figure stuff out.

Until the next time, adios.

#me #ramblings #long post #read more

[mlobsters]

supernatural s11e7 plush (w. eric charmelo, nicole snyder)

not the most promising start. offbrand donnie darko bunny

DEAN Really? I mean, really? SAM You ever hear of privacy? DEAN Hey, you want privacy, close your door.

as ever, privacy being invaded really hurts my heart. absolutely dean has a point and sam should have closed his door, but dean also had a shitty fucking smirk on his face and that nasty tone and i'm ready to punch him. i don't pray, i've never believed in anything, and i'm horribly hurt and offended that he'd act like this. i know their history and the dumb plot shit makes prayer not the same thing as it is out here in the real world, but come fucking on. he's still being a raging asshole about sam taking the chance on believing even just a tiny bit that it's god behind the visions.

DEAN Thought we talked about this. SAM Yeah, we did, Dean. But why is it so hard to believe that God could be sending me visions about the darkness? DEAN You kidding me? He didn't feel the need to show up for the Apocalypse. Why would he give a crap now? SAM I don't know. Maybe because she's his sister? What do you wanna do? Sit back? Ignore him? Do nothing? DEAN No, that's -- that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, don't count on God. Okay? Count on us.

count on us (so when you gonna tell sam your secret huh DEAN-O)

glad they let donna wear a uniform that vaguely fits and maybe dropping the fat jokes. maybe. (of course not)

BROCK Not much, man. I mean, I was just hammering my bi's, gettin' all swole,

please no and thank you

s11e7 rita / true colors (1990-1992) brigid brannagh as katie davis

whoa okay so i definitely know this person and i think... it's from.... true colors?? which is yet another tv show i haven't thought about since the early 90s. wild

surely couldn't let sam's clown phobia not make an appearance in a killer ghost possessed child entertainer costume episode. was it purely so they could subject sam to a clown :p it's never gonna beat this post-clown interaction though

7x14 plucky pennywhistle's magical menagerie

dean heartily laughing and sam with his arms outstretched absolutely coated in glitter (i wanna paint it some day, so sparkly) will make me smile every time

also, i love this line

from 2x02 DEAN Planes crash! SAM And apparently clowns kill!

okay anyway. rehashing the good clown phobia moments :P (he did say the clown fight in 7x14 was therapeutic, guess he needs more exposure therapy [beating])

taking another moment to appreciate how much better his hair looks this season, especially post-scuffle

she is so very cute

DONNA I don't have time for insubordination. SAM Or is it maybe that you're treating new Doug like old Doug and not even giving him a chance? DONNA You know what I think? You need to mind your own beeswax. We have a case to solve.

saw her line comin a mile away

outsiders with sibling issues are evergreen

*staring into camera*

crack treated seriously vibes

SAM I keep praying to God because if it is God -- and I know you think it isn't, but if it is -- then he's showing me something I don't know what to do with. DEAN What? SAM The cage. DEAN Lucifer's cage? SAM Yeah. What if he's telling me I have to go back? What if he's saying that's where the answer is to beating the Darkness? DEAN Sam, no. No, okay. I don't know if these visions are coming from God or PBS or what. But we've been down that road. Anything having to do with that cage is -- it -- it's suicide. And you of all people know that. So, no. Just…Not gonna happen. SAM Okay. DEAN Okay.

actually okay? they both have a habit of agreeing and doing whatever the fuck they were gonna do anyway. i mean if dean isn't gonna come clean then whatever anyway. bitterness rising again

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 11x07 #hiky #spnhiky #true colors tv show #brigid brannagh #spn and no privacy #eric charmelo #nicole snyder

[ne0nlightzz]

Don't Forget The Sun | Creepypasta X FTM!Reader

Side note/ A/N: this is my story that i have put here for those who don't want to go to Wattpad in this unfortunate time of ao3 being down [mostly a joke] also how does one format a full story part on tumblr? i need some guidance here

story masterlist

PART: TWO

3:14am

That's what the alarm clock next to my bed read when I glanced over to it from where I was sitting at my desk, being back "home" is weird and unsettling but also oddly reassuring and nostalgic.

The way I've been sitting at my desk, listening to music quietly and writing [or drawing] with only my lamp lighting up the small area due to me being unable to sleep is bound to get me in trouble, or at least it would if I was at mother's place.

I looked down at my work, I've been working on a story [or drawing] all night and it's honestly still not the best, could definitely use some tweaking to be better. 

Putting down my pen and taking out an ear bud I spun around in my chair to face the window above my bed, it was nearly pitch black outside my window, only the streetlight a bit past the house illuminating the street and end of the driveway dimly.

I stood up and stretched my arms above my head before I walked to my bed and crawled onto it and over to the window, squinting as I looked out of it, struggling to see but being able to make out...the outline of something standing at the very end of the driveway, it seemed to be a person?...maybe a dog?? 

I don't know but I honestly am not even going to question what it was or why it was there because foe all I know it could be fake and just my mind playing tricks on me, plus I've seen so many weird and creepy things that I never knew if they were real or not.

-

-

-

"Beep beep beep!"

That's all I heard as I laid in my bed haft asleep, assuming it was just my alarm I had lazily grabbed my phone from under my pillow and forced my eyes open so I could see my phone screen too shut off any other obnoxious alarms that might be set.

Once i finally got my phone unlocked and the alarm app was open I was slightly confused when I was met with zero alarms set, but then again i have zero memory of even setting my alarms before I fell asleep last night that I started to move my phone so I could just go back to sleep but when I moved my phone I was met with the face of a 7 year old in my face 

"Ah! What the hell!" I yelled as I sat up and swatted the kid away

"Good mornth'ng!!" The little girl shouted, a lisp present as she did so, then smile widely 

"S-s-screw off ya little freak b-because it's-s-s not a 'Good morning' when you wake s-someone up like that!" I scowled but felt kind of bad when the little girls smile dropped and a sad expression appeared on her face, I sighed and rubbed my eyes

"I'm s-s-sorry s-st-stella, I did mean too s-snap" I apologized to the little blonde girl who stood in front on my bed but stuttering with just about every 's' word.

Maybe I should have actually gone to speech therapy, that might have helped, probably not though. 

Stella stood there for a moment, seemingly lost in her thoughts before a smile made it back on to her face.

"th's oth'ay bubba! Mama t'id to come get t'ou up!" 

I nodded as I forced myself out of bed, standing up and stretching before I put my hand on Stella's shoulder and led her out of my room, closing the door as soon as she was out of the doorway and into the hall.

I quickly changed into black ripped skinny jeans and an old showcase shirt from last year's showcase that I actually didn't part take in like I had planned too. 

I also threw on a pair of socks and then my vans before heading to the kitchen.  [If you don't like this outfit, please change it to something you prefer!] 

Apon walking into the kitchen, I was greeted by Stellas mother, Brooklyn, and Stella in the room.

I sighed, not quite ready to deal with this lady or try to meet Stella's energy so early into my day. 

I walked into 

the connected dining room area and sat down next to Stella at the dining table, she smiled at me then offered me one of her coloring books that sat next to the one she was coloring in

"Stella, let y/n eat, he just woke up so don't go bothering him and trying to get him to play with you!" Stella's mother fussed at her

Brooklyn isn't a horrible mother, she treats stella better than I thought she would when her and my dad had announced they were going to have a crotch goblin, and she also does use my preferred name and pronouns so bonus points for being a haft decent human, i guess. 

though she does tend to fuss at her daughter for dumb things quite often, I guess it's something her and my mother have in common. 

"No n-no it's okay Brooke! She's not bo-othering me at a-all and I w-w-want to color with her" I said before Brooklyn could fuss anymore at the small 7year old girl who sat next to me and was now upset, with that Brooklyn gave me a small smile and nod then walked back to the kitchen.

I turned to Stella and put a soft small smile on my face

"S-So, what coloring books do you have again?" I asked and she immediately perked up and pushed her coloring books back to me, I grabbed a Lisa Frank coloring book and some crayons then started to color with Stella for a bit.

-

-

-

After about ten minutes, Brooklyn came and sat across from us.

"So y/n, do you have any plans for this summer?" She asked, trying to make small talk with me. 

I thought for a second before looking up from the coloring book I had and shrugging.

"Nope, not really. I might s-s-see if maybe some of m-my old friends wanna hang out at s-some point, but bes-sides that nope." I answer. 

Brooklyn nodded and went to say something but quickly stopped herself, I knew what she was about to say but still gave a questioning look, after waiting a moment for her to talk she just shook her head and gave me and Scarlett a small smile before dismissing herself from the table. 

That was weird, I know she wanted to say something that referred to the past and I'm haft thankful she didn't but am also curious on what exactly she was going to say. 

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the suddenness of Stella's shouting. 

"Loo'th I'm done colo'thing!" I looked at her and then the finished coloring sheet she was holding up to show me, I gave her a small smile before speaking. 

"It looks great s-s-stell!!" I said and I swear I didn't think this kid could look any happier than she already did

"Th'ank you!" 

"Wan-n-na go put it on th-he fridge, kiddo?" I asked as I stood up, she was quick to nodding and hand me her coloring page before getting out of her chair and dragging me to the fridge, with that I hung it up as she clapped and jumped around happily.

I guess Dad and Brooke don't hang her stuff up or give her much praise on her work, but I guess that's to be expected from them but it's still kind of shitty.

-

-

-

"H-hey Mrs. Brooklyn, can I as-s-sk a question" I asked as I approached her

"Sure, what is it y/n?" She replied 

"Is-s it okay if I go int-to town for a bit?" Once I asked that she seemed to think for a minute before nodding

"I don't see why not, just make sure to be back before it gets dark, okay?" She said kindly with a small smile, and I nodded and quietly said a 'yes ma'am' before rushing to 'my room' and grabbing my now empty backpack, I threw my camera, notebook, hoodie and my meds and ear buds in it before slinging it over my shoulder and rushing back into the dining room and out the door.

Once outside I quickly made my way around the property and to the 'workshop' also known as the shed, I opened the door to find everything nearly the same as when we left, I quickly spotted what I was looking for, the bike that's been in here for years. I quickly grabbed it, surprised it still had air in the tires when I checked, then made my way to the street, when I got to the street I got onto the bike and made my way into town.

-

-

-

I rode my bike through town until I got to the entrance of a familiar looking neighborhood, I stopped outside the neighborhood entrance, hesitant to keep going.

I stood there for a moment contemplating my decisions and staring blankly at the stop sign across the street before shaking my head slightly and sighing. 

"Fuck it" I mumbled before getting back on my bike and starting into the neighbor.

A/N

Hey Hey!-  1. If you like this story, please check my info book or convos board because I have some important questions on there regarding this story and how yall would like it to play out. I'm also going to put the main two questions here so please do let me know what yall want!

Q-1- When should this stories timeline be set in? I haven't been able to choose in between current time and the early-mid 2010s so let me know what yall want! [I've included alot of stuff from around the 2000s-mid 2010s] [THIS HAS BEEN ANSWERD AND THE TIME IS RUFFLY SET IN 2012!!}

Q-2- Do yall want the reader to have a relationship with a character romantically? If so who? [keep in mind I've written the reader as a 15–16-year-old.] Also, what character should the reader have a close platonic relationships with? [PLZ ANSWER THIS TUMBLR- IM BEGGING YA-]

------- 2. I know this chapter is a bit shorter than the last and I'm sorry it's taken a bit to get out! My older sister is currently moving and I'm playing a big part in helping pack and all and have been super busy lately.

So due to that everything I've been working on has been postponed or moving slow. I currently have a list of requests I still need to do plus my usual stories [this, we are young, etc]and it's just all moving slow. 

Anyway, sorry for the interruption of your program.

I just cringed at myself and I'm sorry for that dorkyness--

-Luv Lee<3] 

!NOT THUROUGHLY PROOFREAD OR EDITED BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE MY LAPTOP!

[12/2/2022]

Edited: [2/16/2023]

Posted to Tumblr on: 7/11/2023. I did not removove the old a/n when posting, i dont know why, i just felt i should leave it.

#trans writers #idk man #wtf am i even doing #writer stuff #creepypasta #creepypasta fanfic #qoutev #wattpad #creepy pasta x malereader #creepypasta x ftm reader #creepypasta x male!reader #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x trans reader #creepypasta x male reader #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta fanfiction

[nedlittle]

me: well, normally i oscillate wildly between 2 & 3 on the Ned Scale™ but i'm currently feeling 6 because i'm terrified out of my mind but boy am i cozy

my therapist: for the last time i have no idea what that means

#the real joke here is that i don't go to therapy when i definitely should. #hashtag bad ned content #there it's an official tag. stay tuned for more #i'm EXCLUSIVELY using this as a way to measure my emotions from now on bc i too am an emotional wreck #the terror #it's MY emotional crisis and I get to choose which emotionally distraught white man to hyperfixate on #ned no. 6 looks cozy ok....turned up collar for Maximum Warmth. want to give him my 8 ft long scarf #sometimes i make stuff #discord memes

[hackedxy0x]

My top 10 favorite shows

It was really hard to pick only 10 because I have so many shows that I adore. Kinda felt guilty for leaving some shows out.

My tastes go from dark to kid friendly. Half of these are animated.

Anyway, let me know how similar our tastes are. And if you think we have a similar taste, this is a top 10 recommendation list.

10. Sex Education

This show is something any teen with questions should watch. I didn't think I'd like this show as much as I did, but here we are. Sex Education handles intimacy and sexuality really well. It answers all of those questions we were too scared to ask when we were teens. And there is 0 shame involved. All of the characters are well developed and the humor is amazing (warning: a lot of sex related jokes). This is also one of those shows that knows what a strong female character means.

9. She-Ra

Power of lesbians, let's go! Jokes aside, She-Ra is great. I'm obsessed. Filled with interesting and diverse characters, a fantasy storyline and a bunch of great ships. I love how the relationships between the characters are handled and of course, the power of love saves the day.

8. Anne with an E

Okay, so I'm a sucker for anything that features fancy dresses, suits and courtships. I loved this show a lot more than I thought I would when I was going in. Anne is such a vivid, interesting and amazing character. She's a bit hot-headed but has such a beautiful view of the world (way ahead of her time). This is based on a book "Anne of Green Gables" (also great), but is a bit different. The show handles a lot of topis that probably would've been a bit controversial for that period of time which is really great to see.

7. Gravity Falls

You can't beat the classics. Gravity Falls may have only two seasons, but they really made the most of it. The show has a great sense of humor, great characters and fantasy world building with a funny twist to it. The Pines twins really give us that realistic sibling bond and their opposite personalities make them a real comedic duo.

6. Rick and Morty

One of the best adult cartoons out there. Rick and Morty shows us what disfuncional family looks like but in the funniest way possible. All of the characters are deeply flawed (I'm looking at you, Rick), but the show doesn't try to hide it from us. They give us characters with flaws we can relate to and it shows us that thing aren't always as simple as we think. Not to mention the fact that this show does dirty jokes in style.

5. Infinity Train

Can someone please explain to me why they had to cancel this amazing show? Infinity train is a mini-series set on a...therapy train? Every season has a new set of characters dealing with their own probles. Pack that in with some great world building. This show made me feel thing and it's the type of show where you'll relate to at least to one of the main characters.

4. Fleabag

This show deserved all of the awards it got. Another mini-series, but it's British with British humor. The main character is Fleabag (no, we don't know her name) and she's another deeply flawed character (I seem to have a thing for those). We see Fleabag dealing with the problems she has and the fact that most of them were made by her. She's an unreliable narrator of her own story. Unique thing about this show is the fact that Fleabag talk directly to the audience which really make you invested in her story.

3. Arcane

Even though it's come out only recently, this show took my breath away. The first thing that gets you is the amazing and detailed art and animation. You can see the hard work in every single frame (pause at any moment and boom, wallpaper). What get's you next is the unpredictable story. The show tells a story in a way that you can't be bored even for a second because there's always something going on. The best part about the show are definitely character, though. Every character is a complicated individual with their own story. There are no black-and-white characters. Morally grey is the theme of the day.

2. Killing Eve

The same person who created Fleabag also created this little masterpiece. Killing Eve is just one of those shows that is literally for everyone. It has great humor, action, murder, spies and romance. Villanelle and Eve have their little game of cat and mouse going on and they're killing it. The humor in this show is so good you legit feel like you're watching a sitcom sometime and not a show about a badass female psychopath assaissin. Villanelle is an amazing character you can't help but love.

1. Hannibal

This was the first show that popped into my mind while making this. I've never seen a more beautifully twisted show in my life. The entire thing is like a work of art (Hannibal would approve). I had to read the script just to make sure I didn't miss out on any hidden meanings (the only other script I've ever read was Fleabag). Like Killing Eve, this show features another cat and mouse story, this time between Will and Hannibal. The obsession they share is displayed in such a beautiful, dark and poetic way that it msles my soul hurt. Will is such a complex character and his character development is one of the best things about this show. We also get to see a lot of different and interesting murders. Every character in the show is well developed and this show has one of the best made episodes I have seen in my life (season 2, that's all I'm saying). It's not all darkness though. If you look at it close enough you'll see a rom com featuring cannibal puns. Beautiful.hannibal

#top 10 #tv show #netflix #Top 10 series #series #animated #fandom culture #sex education #Sex ed #she ra and the princesses of power #She ra #gravity falls #rick and morty #anne with an e #anne of green gables #infinity train #arcane #league of legends #fleabag #killing eve #hannibal

[iwillfightgodandwin]

Acknowledging the Queer Toxicity in the Film Industry.

I have been out for 5 years and I still get excited whenever I see queer stuff in films. However, I'm not talking about a queer character, I'm talking about a character who happens to be queer.

Don't get it? Let me explain.

Recently I've seen a lot of gay movies coming out (pun definitely intended) and they're all about this gay character who despite the fact that they're queer, happens to find love.

Oh? Did the word 'despite' make you uncomfortable? Angry? It should.

Nine times out of ten, when I see a queer movie, it's about coming out and being yourself and finding love. And I hate that. Not that there is anything wrong with movies like that. I think Love, Simon is a beautifully written movie, it inspired a lot of people and it's really important to queer culture.

However, I much more prefer the subtle queer. A woman that lovingly mentions her wife. An anxious man that acknowledges that he finds dating tough, but he'll find a boyfriend someday. I want casual queers. I hate it when movies take two guys and make all their conversations about how "dating is hard for gays" and "I never thought I'd find love" or 'insert a gay joke here'. It's exhausting.

That's one of the reasons I like B99 so much. You've got Holt, who is a stone faced captain that loves jokes. He loves his husband and their dog. A very serious part of his character is that he is a black, gay man who had to work extra hard to get things he should have deserved. Those traits aren't diminished, but they also aren't the focus.

Then there is Rosa, she's a badass motherfucker who always has a knife and rides a motercycle. She's also Bi, and whilst there was a couple of episodes about her coming out to people, it didn't change her character. It just made her happier. She still threatens to stab someone if they ask her too many questions.

Rocketman (2019) is one of my favourite films. Elton and Bernie have made so many songs that have changed our music industry. The movie goes over Elton's life and how his mental health started to decline due to trauma and an abusive relationship that got him into doing drugs. The fact that he's gay only comes up when other people talk about it or force him to. With one exception - when he's in therapy, and even then, he's not saying it with fear or hesitation and it's also brought up by someone else. "And marrying her didn't make you happy?" "Not really, I'm gay." Being gay is apart of Elton's history, but it isn't what he's known for. He's known for being one of the best musicians of our time and we love him so much!

I also recently watched 'Tick, Tick... Boom!' and it was fantastic! I didn't know that Jonathan was so anxious about making a play before 30. I've grown up in a time where a lot of people got their big break after 30 and it's rare to get one before 30. I also vaguely remember that Jonathan was friends with a lot of people during the AIDS crisis that ended up dying to HIV. A crisis which was highly centered around gay communities. His best friend was gay and ended up getting HIV, and it was very sad, I cried.

I love seeing queerness in film, and we need more. What we do not need, however is queer characters. I hate defining characters as queer, because that means we are actively pushing LGBTQA+ people into a bubble. If my brother and I can date the same lady, then I want jokes about how I stole his girl, and not about how she doesn't like men all that much anymore. I want the kind of jokes I experience in real life when people look at me and correct themselves two or three times cause they haven't quite figured out my gender. When my niece was 6, she told us she was going to marry this girl, we laughed and told her to wait untill she was older to marry her.

Putting queerness into films is important, but it's also getting dangerous. Please be aware of the rising toxicity in this.

I'm also sorry if I offended anybody, as it wasn't my intention. Please, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Go on. Do it.

#lgbt representation #lgbtq #queer representation #brooklyn nine nine #rocketman #elton john #tick tick boom #movies #film industry #queer history #toxic traits

[lilywoood]

You’ve got a mail 2/?

And I’m back with Part 2, I’m sorry I took so long to update anything I’m just a bit overwhelmed right now, I also want to thank all of you who’ve been nothing but supportive, I want to thank y’all for the kind words, and for welcoming me in this fandom, I hope part 2 would be good for you that you’ll like it, it’s a bit different than the first one and I changed certain canonical things so please enjoy 😊♥️♥️

Tagging: @felicitous-one @translucent-bisexual @cherishingstydia @comablog2 @justsmilestuffhappens @diazbuckleysworld @chrrlees @gxtop @jb-ap-94 @chioink @peroquenotevean @tk-carlosforlifex @nighting-gale17 @fyeahhipsterdoctor @leslilupe @anthony-e-stark-3000 @haderofthesociety @iamonlyaliveformalex @wearelosersyoudumbfuck @serena040506 @multi-fandom-writing

Word count : 1452

Song : Night Go Slow - Catey Shaw

He was watching them, observing them, witnessing how they were happy, how they laughed, joked, played with each other, watched how they clicked, how they were with all their differences and similarities a perfect family, he watched how bright his father smile was, how relaxed, carefree and younger he seemed, he belonged with them, as they belonged to him, he knew he should be happy and thankful that they got the 126 but somehow as he looked at them, at how they were interacting with one another he couldn’t help but feel like an outsider, couldn’t help but hear the taunting little voice in his head, the one telling him that he didn’t belong there, the one telling him that the 126 and Owen didn’t need him, he was just a leverage, a walking disaster, he was just the “coach son...”

He never saw his father this happy, never heard him laugh so loud, as he was downing yet another glass of iced tea he couldn’t help but envy those who got his attention without even trying, he was talking with Judd and Grace probably congratulating them and bribing them to be the baby cool grandpa Owen, he looked so proud of Judd so happy for him, he’d never looked at him this way, TK couldn’t remember the last time he ever got one of those particular smile, he was hugging Judd now, really and tightly hugging him, hugging him like a proud father would do, the last time he got one of those hug was ages ago and he couldn’t even remember why was it for.

Watching his father being a dad with someone else was taking a toll on him, realizing he wasn’t enough for his own flesh and blood, realizing that he could never give his father the family and grandkids he dreamed to have, seeing him seeking that dream, that chimera in Judd and having to watch him actually and willingly fulfilling it was too much too soon, he wasn’t ready, he would never be ready to see his father blatantly replacing him, so with what little dignity he still had he went, he got out and called an Uber.

He was casually leaning over some strangers car, patiently waiting for his Uber to arrive when he heard the all too familiar ringtone and felt his phone buzz in his back pocket, he retrieved it carefully, and smiled when the “You’ve got a mail’’ notification popped on his screen, with a simple swipe of finger he unlocked his phone and clicked on his therapy app...

>From Buck : Have you ever felt like the biggest failure on earth, like a walking disaster, have you ever felt like whatever you do, whatever you say it’ll never be enough, you’ll never be enough...

He never expected Buck to contact him this fast still he couldn’t help but read his mail over and over again, caressing his phone screen as if he was trying to absorb the words, to absorb Buck’s feelings , he chuckled drily at the message wondering how the Californian firefighter seemed to always be on the same wavelength.

He was starting to type back his answer when he heard his name being called and footsteps coming his way.

-There you are, his father smiled catching his breath, what are you doing here, he frowned when TK didn’t acknowledge his presence, everything’s okay son, he tried.

-I’m fine, TK replied curtly his attention still fixed on his phone.

-TK, he called worry starting to cripple it’s way in his head, you know you can talk to me, he tried pathetically.

-Do you want to know why I became a firefighter, he asked starkly changing the subject, do you want to know the real reason, he asked venom in his voice

-I know why you did, Owen frowned not understanding what he was getting at

-No you don’t, Tk snarled, I told you it was because I wanted to help people, because I wanted to do something that mattered but it was a lie, he chuckled drily, I became a firefighter so that for once I could feel like we were a family you and I, he gestured, so that for once I would matter for you, he gasped, so that you could see me and love me as much as I love and see you dad, he whispered

-What are you....he stuttered, of course I love you and I see you, he frowned, TK you’re my son, he thundered grabbing his arms forcing him to look at him, you’re my world TK why would you think otherwise, he breathed.

-I never felt like it, he retorted darkly getting out of his father grip, go back to them, to your found family, he snarled before rejoining his Uber.

He shouldn’t be there, he knew it, he knew that place smelled trouble and bad news, he remembered how it ended the last time he came down there still he couldn’t help it, he needed to be there, needed to fell the thrill, the rush, he needed something to forget how chaotic his life felt right now.

His eyes were fixed on the amber liquid in his hand, his glass was almost empty but it didn’t fill the whole in his heart no matter how many glass he drank he couldn’t forget his fathers laugh, his teammates proximity, he couldn’t help but feel like an outsider, the word turned black that night, not gray or bland just black as if all hope was definitely gone.

-I knew I would find you here, he heard Carlos call

-Let me guess, he chuckled downing his drink, dad called you, told you I went berserk, he smirked imitating Owen’s voice, you’re the only one who can put some sense in my boy’s head, he laughed

-What’s wrong TK, Carlos frowned sitting next to him, is it...

-Iced tea, he interrupted rolling his eyes at Carlos suggestion, relax I’m not stupid, he sighed

-What’s wrong, Carlos repeated sitting on the stool next to his, you can tell me, he tried taking his hand, caressing it softly, I’m there, he smiled, we’re a team remember, he tried.

-We aren’t, he breathed drawing his hand back, purposely avoiding Carlos hurt expression.

He was looking at him now, for the first time since they decided to be official he was looking at him, seeing him, acknowledging him, acknowledging their differences, finally accepting and understanding what Alex had meant that night...

-What...what do you mean, Carlos sputtered.

-It means I lied, he breathed, passing a hand through Carlos’s hair.

-About what, he breathed dreading the answer.

-I lied when I said we made a good team, TK admitted quietly, I lied when I told you I was ready, he took a deep breath, I lied when I said that life was slowly starting to be colorful again.

-Why did you lie, Carlos croaked not meeting his sight

-Because it made you happy, he smiled stroking the other man cheek, you were smiling and I liked it, I like your smile and I like seeing you happy, he chuckled tiredly, thing is I can’t make you happy without feeling miserable and you don’t deserve this, he stepped back looking one last time at Carlos, I want you to be happy but I can’t give you that happiness and I can’t ask you to wait for me it’s too selfish so I’m freeing you, he breathed tearfully, you’re the best thing that happened to me Carlos Reyes but I would’ve been the worst thing that happened to you, he half shrugged, goodbye officer, he whispered kissing his cheek.

‪His chest was aching, he felt his heart breaking even more after Carlos’s departure, regret and remorse tearing it down, the ache to order a drink or severals getting stronger. ‬

He needed to leave, he needed fresh air because he wasn’t sure he could stay there without causing another ruckus.‬

The night was getting colder, but the weather wasn’t the cause of his numbness, the apathy was caused by the hole he dug in his heart by destroying the only good thing that happened to him, gazing one last time at the horizon he dug his phone from his pocket ready to finally answers Buck’s mail.

>From TK: not a day goes by that I don't feel that way, that I don’t feel like people could do so much better than me, because I know, I know that I would never be enough, I know that fighting is meaningless...

#tv: 911 #911fic #911 crossover fic #tk x buck friendship #carlos x tk #tk x carlos #tk strand #carlos reyes #eddie x buck #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buck x eddie #you’ve got a mail fic #you’ve got a mail #911onfox #lone star on fox

[kemonododo]

Decided to rewatch the whole series after seeing the finale, here's my thoughts as they come along part 3

There was an old He-man reboot that was cancelled after two seasons, season 3 was being set up as the horde conquering Eternia with He-man and his kingdom being forced into hiding as rebels. Apparently She-Ra would also appear, though knowing that show she'd be lucky to be 1/4th as interesting or engaging as our Adora. I'm saying this because, even though that cartoon was cancelled before it could finish it's story, we were lucky enough to see ours to it's end and in a way that story they wanted to tell exists here with us now. Plus I always disliked that they called themselves "The Rebellion" when they weren't really rebelling against anything, but they are now!

Poor Adora, even after all this time she still has that hero complex eating away at her, telling her she's useless unless she's serving others.

Entrapta's ramblings about space this season are very relatable.

Catra's face when she sees Glimmer be manipulated, you can see so much behind her eyes. Fear for her standing, flashbacks to her own manipulation, shock at how unprepared Glimmer is for this. Love how Horde Prime sees right through her afterwards, she has no power over him.

Poor Entrapta, she hasn't been with the other princesses since season 1, they're opinion of her has been soured by her betrayal and appearance to not care. We know she loves her friends and is trying her best, but the wound is still sore.

Horde Prime using Glimmer's dad as a bargaining chip is extra horrible when you remember that this is when she discovers he's alive.

It's great that the show takes a moment to allow Adora to come to grips with no longer having a clear destiny she can follow. She's so used to being told what to do, this is the first time she's truly making her own decisions. Agency that Shadow Weaver begins to take away from her later.

I love Catra's internal struggles in these first few episodes. She's trying to do what she's been doing, working her way up the ladder, but she can't. Not anymore. Her heart isn't in it, she knows this isn't what she wants, she's just going through the motions. Spending time with Glimmer is the only thing she enjoys, she finally slows down for a moment to just enjoy someone's company and really bond. Her turn to good isn't a 180, we see her mind working and how she comes to the decision of sacrificing herself. Seeing that Horde Prime is a complete psychopath helped of course.

I love how Horde Prime's ship has star themed beds.

I don't know how they did it, but they made Hordak recognizable among the other clones. It's like twins, once you get to know them the difference is obvious. You can look at a clone and see he's Hordak, yet he looks identical to the others. It's remarkable.

These flashbacks Catra has, wandering the empty corridors that her decisions have left her in, it's a testimony to how far she's come that they don't reaffirm Adora's betrayal to her anymore. She wants to absolve herself of her sins, and she decides a sacrifice is the best way. She wants to go out on one good grace, redemption by death, but that action and her apology is what makes Adora sure she still has good in her. Catra has shown she is willing to be good, and that alone is enough for Adora to give her another chance.

This is the first time the best friend squad has been together since Glimmer pulled the queen card, a lot of the wounds are still fresh. I definitely think this is the point Bow and her truly realize they love each other, they probably had a schoolyard crush but the realization of where they are without each other and how much they mean to each other, something really deep sparked here.

The Star Siblings are here to show what life under Prime is like, but also as a quick show of the Rebellion's message expanding. That's a little underdeveloped though, which is mostly a product of time.

Adora's little "she's not my friend" bit is adorable but a bit out of place imo, Adora hasn't really been this outwardly lovestruck over Catra before, and while Adora has decided to give her another chance I don't think that reignition of love would have happened yet.

The thought that Entrapta went out to find that LUVD crystal to bring with her in the slightest hope she would find Hordak and that he would recognize it. Plus the noises she makes and the fact she immediately adopts Wrong Hordak and that we get to see her without her mask, ah she is so cute!

Hive Mind Catra is terrifying and tragic, it feels so violating. He talks about how she wanted Adora to save her, how afraid she was when she was assimilated. We see that numbness and how it would seem appealing to her, but under the cracks Catra is still suffering, and Adora promises to bring her back, tells her how much she cares about her, transforms into She-Ra to save her. And finally, they are together again.

I love Adora constantly checking on Catra, this is the first time in years she has been with her, she just wants to be with her. Catra starts falling back into her old ways though, that anger still persistent, and Adora's honeymoon phase is over already and for a second we're all afraid nothing has changed. You can see Catra doesn't want to make that mistake again, and she finally lets Adora help her, and likewise Adora finally steps back and lets Catra help her too. They've both grown so much, and that growth is what allows their relationship to blossom.

It's great that Spinnerella and Netossa get their time to shine this season. Their arc here parallels Catra and Adora's earlier, and I would say it's unfortunate they have to go through this, but I love the angst.

Double Trouble! Back for a five minute appearance where they admittedly don't do much, but hey they're fun to watch and have some great lines so it's worth it.

Catra in a healthy relationship, with friends that don't fear her and people she sees as equals. People she can just joke around with and be teased by. You love to see it.

Melog is a pretty important addition, as he gives Catra someone that she can fully trust without the baggage from before. He's literally her therapy support pet, and he's the one that stops her from running away again.

Shadow Weaver's little speech here is great, she's been told that the First One's made the magic stronger when they did the exact opposite. It's a commentary on colonialism, "we brought you civilization, our conquest was good actually" is a very common lie.

Catra holding Adora's hand, Glitra kiss, Best Friend Squad hug, Catra's smirk when Adora says she's right. You love to see it.

I love how Noelle made a self-insert character and also decided she should be evil. "So the only person I'm fighting here is... My own wife" is a mega ouch.

I love Wrong Hordak so much, he not only shows how the Horde Clones are just regular people without the influence of Prime but he is also ridiculously cute.

Did I mention how much I love the new She-Ra look? I liked the old one but damn this blows it out of the park.

I will admit the Heart having a failsafe a d Mara having a rebellion of her own is a bit out of nowhere, but it was a nice reveal of the origin of Grayskull.

I'm a huge sucker for friendship saving the day messages I admit. Not the rainbow lazer kind, but that love and kindness reaching through Prime's control is beautiful. Plus it's wonderful for Catra to see what real friendship is like.

This is a great little moment with Castaspella and Glimmer, this is the first time they've seen Micah since his death.

I love Shadow Weaver so much, she sees Adora and immediately shifts into child manipulation mode. This is the first time I'm actually getting pissed at her though, obviously because she's starting to drive her chisel between Catradora but also because she's reversing all the development Adora has had up until this point.

Hordak: "Go, then maybe these memories and imperfections will leave me " Entrapta: "Remember, your imperfections are beautiful!" The fuck I'm crying in the club again.

I love this Catradora moment, "what do you want Adora" "I have to do this". Obviously their relationship isn't going to be easy after all these years, and both these girl's flaws and insecurities are flaring up again and driving each other apart.

Adora tells off Shadow Weaver for good, she ruins people. This is a huge moment for this character, SW has convinced herself she is the good guy and that she is making the necessary actions to save the world, but this is the one moment she really looks back at herself.

"Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me. Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her" oof ouch my soul. That with Adora's memories, it's clear they can't just go back to the way it was anymore. They're love is too important to them now.

My headcanon is that Shadow Weaver is drunk here. She's slurring, she's drinking, her daughter is going to sacrifice herself. Maybe her decision to die was one she made totally wasted lol.

Catra promised Adora she'd look out for her, and the soft version of the promise song in the background. Ow ow ow ow my heart.

Glimbow canon!

Mara is here, telling Adora the same thing Razz told her in the 3rd episode of the entire show. Stop looking for what other people tell you to do, you have a choice.

Spinnetossa, Seamista, Entrapdak. It's cliche, but love conquers all is a message I'll never tire from.

I started tearing up with the Glimmer Micah fight, and full on sobbing when Angella appeared. Something that didn't really stop.

I was mixed on SW's sacrifice, but I think it works. Each of them were trying to take the selfish way out, to die for the ones they love. So it's fitting that SW is the one that does it.

Fuck yeah Hordak! What a monumentous but short lived moment.

CATRADORA!!! God, the confession, how Catra whispers it but how Adora hears it as a scream, how it wasn't Catra that made Adora weak but infact the exact opposite, how they're both so surprised and relieved that these feelings they've felt for years are real and strong and true and reciprocated. It's the best conclusion possible for them and it makes me cry so much.

This beautiful moment, where Adora saves Hordak, the ultimate repayal for him saving her all those years ago. He remembers her. Fuck I'm sobbing again.

Scorpia sees Catra again after leaving her, and of course she hugs her.

And it's over. The best show ever made. Netflix automatically resets your watch history and here I am looking at the button to play Season 1 Episode 1 again. This 1 and a half year journey feels like a millenia, it feels so long ago that Adora first picked up that sword. This is a show I will cherish forever, I can see myself binge watching in the retirement home already.

#she ra #spop #analysis

[thedoctor1002]

Idk, I never posted one of my fics here but guess I'll try ~

Also, English is not my first language so feel free to correct me QwQ

Fandom: Psycho-Pass -season 1- (is this still a thing?)

Characters: Kogami Shinya, Sasayama Mitsuru, OC

Prompt (it was in Italian, so I'll translate): write a story using three among these words: cloud, dusk, thunderstorm, storm, hull, bay, shelter, sail, night

Title: Log date: 2110/02/28 (Friday) 22:04

---

The lights of the bay flicker dynamically before your eyes.

They dance hypnotically, of the same cyan colour of your office’s walls, but with a whole different beat. They drink the red and white trails from the traffic, they shatter and multiply in the tears of an inclement rain. I know how much you hate it, you just can’t stand going on recon with an umbrella. On the other hand, I love it.

Rain brings us close together under the waterproof cloth and I manage to observe details that neon lights often hide from me: the precise way you part your hair, the last few drops of the jasmine perfume on your jacket, your long lashes. Shion thinks they’re fake. We always fight over it, can you believe me?

After all, you’ve never been the kind of woman to wear such frills. 

A notification arrives, the acid light of your impalpable PC breaks through the sacred dark from where you pretend you don’t see me. It digs your silhouette and paints you like a ghost on the huge windows of the Public Safety Bureau.

Your jet-black hair lay on your back like varnish pouring over the white silk of your blouse.

“Pulling an all-nighter, Inspector Matou?” I ask casually, exposed. With you, after all, I always am: you’re the only one that can shush my shitty jokes.

But this time you laugh slightly: nothing more than a spike, a trembling breath that shakes your ribs and lips.

“The forecasts say that the storm won’t stop until tomorrow morning,” you tell me, sitting at your desk, “also, I’ve been delaying this paperwork through all week, it's about time I get it done. Might as well do some overtime and get rid of it, don’t you think?”

“You’re such a workaholic.” I label you, realizing how lucky I am being allowed to do it: Ginoza, that prude, would have never let it slide “You should leave some for the rest of the precinct: make 'em earn their wages.”

A tired smile crosses your face as you tap your fingers on the keyboard. It’s so clear you’re trying to avoid my glance.

You used to look for it.

You looked for my eyes at briefings, in that discrete way that eventually shocked everyone. You looked for them among alleys, as soon as you heard a gunshot or the chocked sound of a fight.

And when you found me, it felt like a 7 miles free fall.

“How are the legs going?” I dare to ask. I see the hollow structure of your new shins below the hem of your pencil skirt. They swing a bit underneath the glass of your desk. You didn’t lose your damn tic, your right heel shakes like the needle of a sewing machine even when you seem calm.

You shrug and drink the bottom of an already empty glass of water.

I shouldn’t have asked. It breaks my heart, to see you like this.

You don’t give me an answer and massage the back of your knee with a sigh. Lately, I feel like you’re avoiding me.

You’re turning back into the one you were before: uncompromising, cold and distant. I wonder if the bunch of ingrates downstairs have been calling you Dobermann again. I wonder if you’re still as relentless.

You worry me: your stress level is getting darker and darker. You don’t want old Kasei to take issues with you, not again.

I can imagine how you must have felt, the night when this mess happened.

You most likely got pissed, if I do know you.

I mean, did they really think I got away on my own? I bet you never doubted me: no one knows an Enforcer better than its Inspector.

“Runaway?! Have you lost your minds?” Sasayama?!”

Those were the first words you said when they rescued you. You spoke them way before cleansing your lungs from the rotten water of the river, way before asking Masaoka if you’d have ever got back to feeling your lower legs. They hurt like hell and you had to pull them around like sandbags.

“They got him” you panted, holding tight on your mentor’s coat “They took him away, I tell you!” The one that kidnapped him wasn’t a latent criminal. The Dominator didn’t activate, not even when they shot me. Please, believe me. Check on the log files, please.”

Crime coefficient: 0.

I know that bug still haunts you.

Cause, after all, it’s can’t be anything else: who on earth is that Makishima to fly under the Sibyl Sistem’s radar? Who can fool a network that knows your crimes before you do? And how is it possible that the silhouette that kneecapped you and threw you into a river could possibly be innocent?

You haven’t lost your mind, Inspector: the Dominator betrayed me, too.

Don’t think I don’t know how pitiful must have been, the next three days.

Makishima isn’t real. Forget it, it was just a delirium. You were in shock.

It was the trauma, dear. It was a breakdown. It was burnout syndrome.

You’d use some holiday, darling. Take a week. Take two. Go somewhere far, no, better: just stay at home. Go to therapy. Keep yourself busy, don’t think about it. Work. Also, don’t work: it wears you out!

They put you back on your feet in less than six hours, but nobody allowed you to join search parties. Heaven forbid your stress level getting any darker. Heaven forbid that yet another good Inspector gets demoted among those damn Enforcers. But, still, in the whole IT section, there wasn’t a single nerd that could get that night's logs. That's one funny thing, ain't it?

Woman, sometimes I wish your damn head wasn't that hard. I wish you didn't follow the Forensics to get a lift, so soon after the deed.

At least, you could have listened to Kogami. Shit, didn't you see how pale he was? You didn't even need the Dominator to read him, his stress level was mindblowing!

You should have believed him when he told you you didn't want to enter that alley. First off, it was already full of other detectives and analysts. I have no idea what kind of business you had to do in there. Second thing second, Kogami has an eye for certain matters. Do you think he didn't notice I’ve always been all over you? Not gonna lie, maybe I told him about you, once or twice.

But no, of course, you had to get in.

The software that taught you how to walk on those carbon stilts made you stand your ground and bark a "For fuck's sake, Shinya, move!" worthy of the Dobermann’s reputation. Even those who hadn't been called out made way.

But your new legs didn't hold you, when you saw what they had made of my corpse.

I'm sorry, Katsumi, I never wanted to upset you like that. 

You know how much I would have rather have a more heroic death. I don't know, like, in the middle of a shooting, saving the day. It would have been much classier, less tacky, less trash. I think I deserved it, that's all.

You stop typing and rub your temples. You shelter what’s left of your lipstick behind your hand. I wish I could kiss it off, instead of watching you consume it in a ruby red halo in the notch between your thumb and your index.

You lift your eyes only for Kogami, who’s passing by your office like a nurse in its night shift.

“So?” he asks in a whisper, putting more care in that question than I could have ever done. More than anybody could have ever done, because he’s the only one that gets you, right now. You two seem like the only ones who lost something.

You shake your head slowly, staring at the monitor and the dangerously high Crime Coefficient on the display.

“It's not working” you wail softly, misty-eyed. I can’t believe it, is it still you?

“They’re gonna kick me out anyway, if it doesn’t lower quickly” you continue, with that realism of yours. I used to call you a jinx for that but, at the end of the day, you always got our backs. “It’s for the best if I just resign. I’m gonna keep what's left of my dignity, at least.” 

The dark profile of my best friend looks through me, as he sits on the armchair next to mine. He would like to say something, a word of encouragement maybe, we all know it in this damn room, but numbers shut our mouths. 

“You could become an Enforcer” he proposes.

Goddammit, Shinya, did we work with the same person? Katsumi as an Enforcer?

And there you go, shaking your head. You hold your face in your hands and let your raven hair hide your visage. 

“Can you imagine me, following orders? I do know how to work, I can do it better than three-quarters of our colleagues and I’ve never had problems remarking it. They’d eat me alive if they had the chance. Dogs celebrate on the corpses of lions.”

“But lions remain lions and dogs stay dogs.” Kogami finishes, stealing my lines. 

I notice the slight trembling of your finger, as you tap your touchpad to send that last confirm.

In a few moments, the system will have your resignation registered. Your profile won’t unlock your Dominator anymore and in a few days time, just enough for you to collect your belongings, you won’t even manage to enter the office.

Who’s gonna explain to old Kasei that there's more of your stuff here than in your apartment?

I’d ask you what do you plan on doing with your life, but tonight’s decision seems definitely brave enough to call it a day.

I look at the tabs you open in your browser, they mirror in the windows behind you.

Air travel.

Argentina, Cuba, States, New Zealand, Germany, Kenya. You go around the world in 80 seconds flat, you multiply your chances and spread them all through the air in front of you, in a complex diagram that doesn’t lead anywhere.

I never wanted to take you away from your home, you don’t deserve this. 

You cover your eyes with a hand and use the other one to pick a random selection from your atlas.

Greece.

“Well, at least it’s on the sea.” you wrap up, condensing in a handful of words the only satisfaction you can find in starting a brand new life.

You two stare at the transparent screenshot of your flight, the countdown on the web page seems way too joyful.

“It’s so exciting, Katsumi Matou! Check-in your luggage. Your journey will begin in: 06 days: 17 hours: 34 minutes: 21 seconds”

20.

19.

18.

Seconds pass by, in complete silence.

“Do you think it would be a burden to him?” you ask Shinya, “Do you think he’d understand?”

Who would have guessed that a cynic one like yourself could believe in the afterlife? I wish I were here to ask you. I wish we could have spoken about life, death, sex, about things long gone and things yet to be.

His hand squeezes yours gently, as he looks at you in the eye, hoping to stop the train to Paranoidland from setting off.

“It’s not your fault” he reassures you as he can: the both of you wouldn’t make the average person’s empathy.

But he’s right, though, it really isn’t: I know you’ve done anything you could. It’s always been like that.

“Maybe I owe him” you draft “Even if they don’t believe in Makishima, maybe one day I could have proved he exists.”

The teal of your Psycho-Pass would suit you wonderfully, if it wasn’t a description of your mental health.

What could you possibly do in these conditions? You’d have ended up in a cubicle, filing loss and theft reports. You would have never made it to the dossiers, surely not to those of such a controversial case. Making you end up in a study room would have been my final bullshit. I’m happy with your choice, really. I would have loved visiting Europe someday.

“Don’t talk nonsense.” Kogami rebukes you, externalizing what I’ve been thinking all along: “I’m going to look out for your man: your team has already given way too much. I’m gonna find him, Matou, cold case or not.”

You nod, but it’s clear you don’t believe him. I can read through you, you’re a terrible liar.

I don’t think you don’t trust him, most likely you’ve done the math and figured that working on an independent case is far too difficult for an Inspector, let alone for an Enforcer.

And there it is, my fall. After an exhausting chase, you finally look into my eyes, even though -according to Shinya- you’re most likely staring at the void.

Despite being used to such races, believe me, I’ve missed you.

“I’m just so sorry.” you finally whisper, giving me a bitter smile. 

Try and stop me, Ginoza, tell me once again how inappropriate it is: I don’t mind anymore. I get up and I don’t hesitate while holding you and leaving a kiss on your hair, shamelessly.

“I’m going to grab some coffee” I announce, walking backwards to the door like a shrimp, just to look at my dearest friends a bit longer. “I’d get you one, but I’m short on coins. Maybe next time.”

“See you, Inspector.”, Kogami greets you, leaving alongside me.

“Be good.” you wave back, as we were all to meet again tomorrow.

Walking through the dark alley, I can hear an excerpt from our last conversation through the opaque glass of your office.

“You’re jerk, Sasayama!”

I can hear you laughing out loud, through the crackly recording. You laughed at my gall, with that warm, strong, sweet voice of yours, mocking me. Admit it: mine, after all, were the only compliments that could make you blush.

It’s incredible how we managed to joke even inside a car that was taking us on a crime scene. To an external eye, we might have looked disrespectful. Truth is I’ve always feared death so much I just had to laugh at the reaper.

“Oh, come on, what would it take? Come with me to the Precinct’s New Year’s dinner, the 17th is around the corner!” I kept annoying you, as you were too busy driving to mind my dumb flirt attempts. I still can’t get how we never had an accident. “Be good, Katsumi, give me a joy to live for!”

“You could always ask Shion, you know? You always give her more attention, after all.”

I hear the subtle sound of the wheels stopping, the parking brake cracking and it’s like Ogishima’s outskirts appear before my eyes, in that same January night. That place gave me goosebumps, but I would have hated if you understood it.

“Here we are” you announced, with still a bit of resentment in your voice. You unlocked the passenger’s door and I remember I left your Dominator in the car’s trunk: I didn’t want you to follow me. Not that time.

“You scare me when you pay so much attention” you commented, noticing how serious I got “will you tell me why are you insisting so much to keep on searching? Kogami got the guy. Tomorrow we go, we arrest him and it's thank you, next.”

My answer has been recorded as a distant and muffled noise, but I still can trace it: “He’s not the one, I tell you. I have another suspect, but I need a more solid base. And you’re staying, Inspector.”

“Staying?! You’ve gone crazy!” you laughed, locking the corporate sedan behind you “If something were to happen to you, or worse if you didn’t come back, Kasei would…”

“I said you’re staying: it’s dangerous.”

“Sasayama, our work is dangerous,” you replied, contemptuous, understanding that clearly among the gear I brought I didn’t count yours and going back to the car to get it “One more risk won’t make a difference: if I have to drop dead, it can either be here, at home or god knows where.”

“Will you join me for the precinct’s dinner, though?”

And here is a sequence that the voice recorder surely can’t have grasped, but that I could remember even in a thousand years. You cast an outraged glance over me from above the trunk’s door, panting through a half-smile. You shook your head, tucking your hair behind your ear. And finally, after refusing my invitations since 17th November, during lunch break, you smiled shrugging.

“Deal, come on, just make way” you sighed, as your heels echoed on the wet concrete “Still, you’re a jerk.”

“I recorded it: you have no excu-”

The audio file interrupts.

End of recording.

#anime #manga #fan art #fan work #fan fic #fan fic writing #fanfiction #fanfic #psycho pass #psychopass #OC #original character #oc fanfiction #one shot #oneshot #oneshot fanfic #sasayama #kogami shinya #sibyl system #makishima shogo #first fanfic #translation #anime fanfiction #wattpad #efp fanfiction #fan writing #fanwriter #writer #writing

[smileyoongle]

Masterpiece (A Park Jimin Yandere AU)

Summary: You thought it was just a painting until you bought it. You thought the man in the frame was beautiful until you saw him. You thought it was a masterpiece until you were ruined.

Pairing: Yandere! Jimin×Reader, Taehyung×Reader

Warnings: Contains mentions of smut, deaths, blood, obsessive behaviour and mental health issues. Please read at your own risk.

You stared at the painting on the wall, the mix of colours making you zone out. Taehyung sat beside you on the white couch, rubbing circles on the palm of your hand as you both patiently waited for your therapist. His office was pretty nice with all it's pastel colours and light toned furniture. You remembered when you once wanted to be a psychologist. It was a teen fantasy of yours after you had seen 'The Silence Of The Lambs'. Overtime you grew out of it, figuring that you had too many problems to deal with rather than helping others fix theirs and soon, you found solace in tubes of paint and the smell of new canvases.

The door opened with a subtle click, your head turning around to see your doctor, Kim Namjoon, entering the cabin. 

Taehyung let go of your hand and stood up, shaking hands with Namjoon while you continued to sit nonchalantly. You didn't really wanna be here, anyway. Thankfully, Namjoon knew you too well. He was an acquaintance of yours in high school but he didn't know you enough to not be your therapist. He was the best one in town and happened to be Taehyung's good friend.

His glasses sat on the bridge of his nose, his brown hair was pushed back, revealing his forehead unlike all the other days that he let his hair cover it up. You tilted your head and rested your cheek against your palm, your elbow sitting on the arm of the couch. Namjoon settled down in his chair and opened his diary, writing down what you assumed was today's date and your name. 

He finally looked up at you and smiled, his dimples digging into his cheek.

"Well, look who decided to show up after standing me up last week." Namjoon joked, making you crack a smile. Taehyung chuckled deeply, turning his head to look at you.

You shrugged and leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees instead. "Safe to say, someone actually wanted to see me." You responded, earning Taehyung's disapproving scoff. It was his way of saying that he always wanted to see you but you decided to ignore it. What could you even say?

Namjoon shook his head, a breathy laugh leaving his mouth as he placed his pen on the book. 

"Tell me, how have you been, Y/N? Hopefully, you have been taking your medicines on time." He stated, looking at you with bright eyes. This was definitely a therapist thing. They couldn't really be sad in front of a depressed person right?

"Of course-"

"Liar. Now I know why Nan wanted me to come." 

You tsked when Taehyung interrupted, your eyes rolling in annoyance. Namjoon tilted his head at Taehyung, nodding at him as a sign to continue. Taehyung glanced at me before looking back at his friend.

"I saw the entire bottle sitting untouched in her house." Taehyung confessed, making you sigh and close your eyes. You pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling both their eyes on you.

"I told you last time. I can't take those pills, they make me sleepy and I'd rather stay awake." You snapped, clenching your fists and looking at Namjoon with a firm gaze that said you wouldn't change your decision.

Namjoon pursed his lips, already expecting this. Even after having talked about this a million times, you weren't willing to give the medicine a chance. 

"Why would you rather stay awake, Y/N?" He asked, rubbing his chin with his fingers. Your eyes wandered towards Taehyung, your breathing staggering when he gave you a comforting nod. You gulped, looking at the small painting that you had been admiring since you stepped foot in the office.

"Nightmares. Bad ones that make it seem so real, I-I don't wanna sleep. I think I've started to have those sleep episodes again." You answered as honestly as you could. This was hard for you. Very hard. Just as you thought you were getting better, everything seemed to be relapsing. 

Taehyung's eyebrows furrowed. Not in confusion. Not in surprise. But with concern. He always wondered why you painted at night and slept in the morning. Now he knew that you worked so hard just to tire yourself out so that exhaustion could take over. Because you wouldn't sleep willingly at all.

It was such a shame he didn't figure this out. He just wanted to help you. He really wished you'd let him help you.

"Do you remember any of those dreams?" Asked Namjoon, writing down something in his notebook. Your hand found Taehyung's, begging for him to hold it firmly and tell you it's okay. You had specifically requested for someone to be with you during therapy, afraid that you'd spiral out of control if Taehyung or nan weren't with you.

You tried to recall any nightmares that you had recently, your mind only gathering bits and pieces. You shook your head. "It's all a blur. I just remember being in that dark house and seeing bloody ropes everywhere." You replied, sighing when Taehyung squeezed your hand. You could feel your heartbeat quickening, the fear finding home in you again. And as much as you wanted to just get over it, you knew this session was far from over. 

Namjoon hummed, gliding his pen across the paper before closing the book and looking at you with hesitant eyes. You could feel your hands become clammy, your thoughts catching onto his. He was gonna say something you didn't wanna hear.

"I suggest we try PE once again." 

You immediately shook your head, sitting up straighter and mumbling 'no' again and again. You yanked your hand away from Taehyung, running your fingers through your hair. Namjoon placed the notebook beside him and leaned towards you with his arms stretched forward with caution.

"Y/N, just listen to me. We need to know where you stand in this situation and Prolonged Exposure is the best way to do it." He prompted, earning another firm NO from you. Taehyung decided to step in, his head turning towards Namjoon as he gave him a knowing look. Namjoon nodded in response and stood up, leaving the room without any noise. Even though this should be embarrassing for him, he didn't think much of it. Kim Taehyung was a rock for you besides Nan. At times when Namjoon had failed to convince you, Taehyung had done it. And Namjoon was sure Taehyung would do it now too.

You felt Taehyung's hands on your cheeks as he turned your face towards him. Your eyes were already teary at the thought of reliving that painful memory. Sort of reliving.

You placed your hands on Taehyung's, not paying attention to his words at all.

"Tae, listen to me, I can't do this. I don't- I don't wanna do this, tell him..-"

"Baby, hush. Look at me…"

You stopped talking, your lips quivering as you listened to his attempt at comforting you.

"Breathe. Just breathe." 

You swallowed thickly, focusing your attention on your breathing. You closed your eyes and took in deep breaths, feeling the way your heart calmed down. 

"Y/N. Tell me. Don't you wanna stop worrying about all this?" 

You pursed your lips, not being able to answer him. You didn't need to, anyway. Because who would say no to that question? Certainly not you.

"Don't you wanna just...live?" You looked away from his brown eyes, his hands still firmly cupping your cheeks. After a second of silence, you nodded. Taehyung smiled and brushed your hair away from your forehead.

"Do this. Not for me. Not for Nan but for yourself. Because you wanna live." He said, pulling his hands away and standing up. As much as you wanted to argue, you couldn't. He was right. Taehyung was always right.

"I'll let Namjoon know." Taehyung announced, taking a step forward towards outside the room when your hand held his wrist. You were still hesitant and unprepared. Could you even come out alive?

It's just a recording, you told yourself. 

Taehyung sighed and crouched down to your eye level, bringing your hand up to his lips. He softly kissed your fingers before smiling at you.

"I swear on my life, Y/N. You'll be fine." He assured you, your hand finally letting go of his wrist. You watched him leave, the back of his blue shirt disappearing behind the black door.

You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply, nodding to yourself as an indication that you were ready.

____________________________________________

Namjoon looked at you, his fingers hovering over the play button on the small black recording device. You knew all about the process of prolonged exposure therapy.

You were gonna be made to listen to a recording from the time when you had narrated the whole incident to Namjoon for the first time. The last time you did this, you were screaming after you heard yourself utter four sentences. It was painful, really. And you never wanted to go through it again but you understood that this was important for you.

You glanced at the door once, your heart sinking on the realisation that Taehyung wasn't gonna be here to get you through this. This was a one to one session and Taehyung wasn't allowed inside with you.

You sighed and gave Namjoon a small nod, clenching your fists and leaning back on the plush couch. You heard a faint click before a buzz echoed through the silence of the room.

"It's 11:02 AM and I am at my third session with Y/N Y/L/N."

You huffed, closing your eyes immediately to prevent any further panic. Your heart was slowly picking up its pace. It wasn't full on pounding yet so that was a good sign.

"Y/N, tell me everything from the start. What happened on the evening of 31st December 2014?"

You squirmed in your seat, letting out shaky breaths as memories from that day came back to you.

"Well...I was walking back home from a party that I really wanted to attend. Taehyung had offered to drop me off but I didn't want him to leave the party because of me so I turned him down."

You kept mumbling to yourself that you were okay. Despite the goosebumps rising on your skin, you told yourself that you were okay. Just a little longer and you'd be out soon.

"It was quiet on the streets and my phone was dead. I couldn't call my dad because of it and I had to reach home soon. It was time for my curfew so I decided to take a shortcut."

A soft whimper left your mouth, your fingers fisting around the fabric of your t-shirt. Namjoon's eyes were fixed on you, taking in your body language throughout and drawing conclusions about your mental health. Your eyes were becoming warm, the tears making themselves visible.

"It was a dark alleyway and we were always told to avoid it, considering the number of girls who had been abducted from there. But I didn't have a choice. Dad would have killed me if I came home even a minute late."

You heard the crack in your voice, reminding you how much you had struggled to get the story out. The images of that night began to reopen in your mind, sending your heart into a spiral.

"I walked as fast as I could until I was almost at the end. I saw my house in the distance and that's when I began running. But it wasn't because I was late. It was because I could hear another set of footsteps behind me."

You gasped, shooting your eyes open when you recalled the next moment. Your lungs burned and tears streamed down your cheek.

"Y/N. No one is here to hurt you now. Just a little longer. You're doing great." Namjoon assured, his voice somewhat offering you peace. 

"I was about to scream when a hand clamped down on my mouth. After that, I don't remember anything until I woke up in a dark room-"

"No...Stop it! Not...just stop it right now!" You yelled, your voice shaking as you clawed at your ears. Namjoon immediately pushed the stop button, the door swinging open to reveal a panicked Taehyung. You buried your face in your hands, your ragged breathing filling the room. Taehyung rushed to you, his hands rubbing your back as he sat down beside you.

You forced yourself to look up, your hands shakily reaching out to Taehyung's as you let him hug you. His scent had you calming down, your heart slowly falling back to it's rhythm. 

"You did amazing, Y/N. Last time, you didn't even do half of where you reached today." Namjoon praised, showing you his dimpled smile. Your head rested on Taehyung's chest and you smiled weakly at Namjoon.

You wiped away your tears and sniffled, watching as your doctor sat in his chair and began writing something on a notepad.

"I'm changing your meds. There are three pills this time. You need to take them once daily. Don't forget them at all. And yes, these are to be taken with water, not alcohol." Namjoon stated firmly, giving you a small glare as you hide your face in Taehyung's chest. As if you were gonna listen to him.

The ride home was quiet, seeing as you spent your entire time recalling your therapy session. You somehow got through it for the day. But what were you gonna do next week? 

You turned your eyes to Taehyung who was focused on driving the car. His jaw clenched occasionally, his tongue wetting his lips from time to time. It was a shame that a man like him was here next to you.

Taehyung was everything good whereas you were everything bad. You were broken beyond repair, hopeless, heartless and selfish. There were so many ways to describe you but you didn't have the motivation to put yourself down. 

The car came to a halt and you weakly pushed open the door to get out. You sighed, squinting in the sunlight on seeing your house. The big brick mansion stood out like a sore thumb in the middle of the green expanse of the countryside. Your house wasn't that far from the city but it was a good 45 minutes drive.

You followed Taehyung inside your house, your feet automatically taking you to your bedroom as Taehyung engaged in a conversation with Nan. You were pretty sure it was gonna be about your little incident today. You rolled your eyes, trudging towards your closet. You dug through your clothes, trying to choose the comfiest outfit you owned before settling for an old but big t-shirt with baggy shorts. You turned around after tossing the clothes on your shoulder, your eyes meeting the eyes of the man in your painting. 

He looked so at peace, it made you envious. Maybe you should have been a painting too. You wouldn't have to worry about life's problems at all. 

"You're lucky, you know. All you have to do is sit there while I have to go through fits of existential crisis every day." You complained, throwing him a pointed look before heading to the bathroom.

The hot water was a relief for your aching muscles. You could feel all your worries being washed away as the water cascaded down your body. You spent twenty minutes cleaning yourself up. You loved taking showers but today was just not your day. You just wanted to lay around all day with nothing to think about.

What a treat that would be!

Wrapping the fluffy towel around your body, you stepped out of the stall and stood in front of the mirror after opening the door to your bathroom. The steam had fogged up the mirror, your hand wiping it away to slowly unravel your reflection. But it wasn't just you anymore.

Your eyes widened when they met his, a gasp following soon after.

Park Jimin stood behind you with a smirk on his plump lips and a devious look in his eyes.

Taglist: @csol16 @thanksforthemameries @min-t-posts @xanny91 @silverstitchedsoul @truestrengths @jackgot7lo @jazzytfw @cassiescarlet12

@kpopgirlbtssvt @slut-for-fandoms @kawaiimusiccollection @butwhatsoft @baby-glitch @wickedbutlovely @siphite @vincent-stargogh @sarcasticsmolstiles @khantij @btsarmysvtcarat @pr1nc355y05h1 @sugasheart @yoongass @smolwriterdude @iamcrazyforkdramas @roseofmyst

3 AM and tumblr is being a bitch..... I'm so tired. Anyway, sorry if I forgot to tag someone! Lemme know if you wanna be tagged and tell me if you liked this chapter! Ily 💖

-XX

#bts #bts jimin #bts imagines #yandere jimin×reader #bts×reader #yandere park jimin #park jimin #jimin fanfic #yandere jimin #yandere×reader #yandere au #yandere #yandere bts #bts taehyung #yandere bts imagine #bts angst #smileyoongle #bts au #bts reactions #bts request #bts namjoon #kim taehyung #taehyung×reader #masterpiece yandere jimin au

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Legacies Season 2 Episode 1, I'll Never Give Up Hope -- Review

Here it is, it's official. I've decided to stick it out with another season of Legatrash. Aish...how much of a masochist must I be to put myself through this again. But,we're here. So let's try and enjoy ourselves...as much as we can.

As always, a disclaimer to start us off on this journey? of mine. My reviews are not meant for those who maybe are fans of Legacies. If you are, that's great, I won't judge you. We like what we like, I'm sure I have some favs that others would be asking "why?" I do watch Legacies in a critical sense and I tend to be very critical of the show. I am not dissing on what other people might like, I'm simply stating things I don't like in a review of a show I don't like. If you happen to be like me and are open to contrasting opinions, welcome and let's have fun. If you're like me and are also critical of this show, welcome as well. Let's have some fun and beware that these reviews are not spoiler-free. Definitely do not read this if you haven't watched this episode.

So what happened in the premiere of the second season of Legacies? Hope gets out of Malivore. Rafael's still a wolf. Josie still lacks a personality. And when Landon isn't searching for a cure for Rafael, he's literally drowning himself in the lake which leads to Josie shifting her co-dependency issues towards Landon and so they become romantically involved as Hope watches. MG crushes on Kaleb's sister but because this show is written by a misogynistic woman, of course Kaleb tells MG that's a no-go, thus disrespecting his sister's bodily autonomy and then he decides to help MG gain the affections of a girl that's already turned MG down numerous times, thus disrespecting Lizzie's autonomy. Isn't that nice? This is a great show to help teenagers navigate through the dos and don'ts of relationships, right? But on the bright side, my girl Lizzie is finally getting the therapy I've been wanting her to get since this show started. So that was a plus. Sure we could see this alleged therapy, though. Alaric is a little hurt that he got booted out of the headmaster position which has me confused because wasn't it his idea to have a vote on whether or not he stepped down? And Hope has a really weird conversation with her sub-conscious wherein she's trying to determine if she should go back to the school or not.

Alright, so in this episode I was beginning to wonder if the writers named our miracle baby protagonist Hope simply so they could make as many bad puns on the word "hope" as they possibly could. Because, there sure were a lot of them in this episode. There were also a lot of bad puns being used for the word "meat". If there's one thing I dislike about these types of shows nowadays, it's that their shows revolving around teenagers are really unnecessarily over-sexualized. I'm certainly not saying teenagers should be practicing abstinence and that should be reflected in pop culture, but maybe stop glorifying it in these shows so much; it's kind of creepy thinking that there are probably some sleazeballs watching this show who are getting off on watching a bunch of teenagers being provocative.

But one of the biggest gripes I have with this episode is that it somehow, simultaneously moves too fast but is yet super slow all at the same time. And I say this in the sense that nothing plot related is really happening in this episode but yet things related to characters are moving at plus-ultra speed (kudos if you get the reference). There's this whole romance being built up between Landon and Josie and it's literally done through a montage. I want to know why these two are finding happiness with each other. A few shots of them playing guitar over some cheesy pop song is not going to cut it for me. I don't typically praise Shadowhunters a lot but as bad as they were at developing relationships on that show, at least they never used a montage sequence for relationship development. But at least my girl Lizzie calls it out and literally tells Josie she's become a montage which that line was probably the funniest moment in the entire episode. Forget about all the jokes about meat and naming your "meat". Lizzie saying that Josie is a montage was the best part of the episode to me. But I guess how else were they going to build a relationship between Josie and Landon? Josie has no personality beyond her co-dependency and Landon barely has a personality that goes beyond his usefulness as a plot device. So really, I imagine the writer's room was finding it difficult to write character-building scenes for these two. Montage was probably the only way to go.

And let me tell you, I'm getting real sick of this excuse of Caroline being in Europe and that's why she's not around. Exactly how long is this show going to be milking that excuse? It was already wearing a little bit thin when she didn't show up for her own daughters' birthday party last season and I'm sure we can all recall that parties (specifically birthday parties) are very important to Caroline. So this excuse that she's busy tracking down some miracle cure for the Gemini curse in Europe is already being stretched way too thin. I'm sure Candace is distancing herself from this show so we'll probably never see a re-emergence of Caroline on screen but please, they need to come up with a better excuse of why she's not around.

But just in general, I dislike how little of this episode is actually "showing" me anything. They're telling me about Landon and Rafael, they're telling me about Lizzie's therapy, they're telling me Alaric is doing research, it's just really difficult to get invested in anything when nothing's really happening but yet character stuff is happening all over the place except we don't get to see any of it.

All in all, I'd give this episode a C+. It wasn't anything too terrible but not necessarily something I enjoyed all that much.

#anti legacies #legatrash

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Rio: Hiya babe Rio: what's good? Nancy: I need to like Nancy: ugh idk it's such a bad idea, like I already know Rio: You wanna Thelma and Louise? Nancy: Who wouldn't want that much gay subtext Rio: Susan Saradon is a babe Rio: what's the actual drama then, shitty husbands and creeps at bars assumedly ain't it Nancy: Okay so you know how I have the misfortune of having to share a birthday, well, now he also wants me to do a joint party Nancy: except not Nancy: he wants my share of the guestlist cos he's gone over his own Rio: Seriously Rio: 🙄 Rio: Well that sounds like a nightmare Nancy: Right? Like I don't have to see enough of all his fuckboy friends already Rio: So you've actually got to be there Rio: that's so rude on so many levels Nancy: I might just leave once mum and dad do, it's not like they're gonna stay and chaperone all night Nancy: That's where you come in Nancy: Save my birthday from total ruin, yeah? Rio: They should, last party I went to the house was basically a write-off after Rio: What can I do, obviously I'll do it but catch me up Nancy: Oh Nancy: maybe they will and I will have to stay Nancy: But my original idea was more Thelma & Louise, naturally Nancy: You're the most fun person I know Nancy: and it is Halloween, there's gotta be something else on offer Rio: Yeah, you do live in one of the most exciting places in the world, nbd Rio: of course there's something more fun to do! Rio: I'll start looking now Nancy: You're actually the best ever Rio: N'awh, you're so cute 💖 Rio: see how quick you are with the compliments after I've saved you 😘 Nancy: 😉 Nancy: Who's immune to such blatant heroics? Nancy: If you save me from having to spend a minute at this party you can have anything you want Rio: 😳 Rio: Steady on Rio: I'm good, might not be THAT good Nancy: I was more thinking from my wardrobe Nancy: You're not really my type, cos of the whole related and straight thing Rio: Sure Rio: that whole thing Rio: not gonna turn down a tour of your latest purchases obvs Nancy: That sounds really flirty still but I'll go with the less awkward version of events Nancy: Things are weird enough with this party, like Rio: I can't help being this irresistible, babe Rio: but I won't say it's a date, just a plan Nancy: You're flirting with me but sure, we can both be irresistible, I guess Rio: I am not Rio: Straight and sharing DNA, remember Rio: you only got 1/2 so you're more suss Nancy: A lesbian remember? One convo and you're moving in Rio: 😂 Rio: Won't just do carry on then Rio: tah for the warning Nancy: You're so welcome Rio: Already gonna look so underdressed without being caught without 😱 Nancy: Um with full access to my wardrobe, not for long Nancy: Anything less than utter perfection is not an option if I have to show my face at the party for even half a second Nancy: I'm beyond prepared, and in case you can't tell, beyond STRESSED Rio: I caught that Rio: gurl you're gonna get stress spots if you don't tone it down Rio: you'll look 🔥 Rio: assume it's a costume party? Nancy: God, don't, the girls he invited would love that to happen to me Nancy: especially cos no, it's not Nancy: 🙄 Rio: Honestly, you had one job Rio: such an easy cop-out Nancy: He says no costume could make him look as hot as his labels, that's a paraphrase, I wasn't listening well enough to deliver a direct quote, sadly Rio: 🤢 Rio: Please don't try any harder to remember that was upsetting enough Rio: definitely find something better to do Nancy: Right? I literally get gayer every time he opens his mouth Rio: 😂 Rio: Not a choice but if it was, I get it Nancy: God was like, with him as a brother you've suffered enough Rio: Though it would be funny if you can find a man more unbearable Rio: he'd be fuming Nancy: My dad too Rio: Oh, the male posturing Rio: let me down, if no one else Rio: such a laugh Nancy: Maybe I should have turned this plan on its head and come to you to celebrate Nancy: Get away from it all Nancy: his friends are like clones and nobody thinks that's bizarre Nancy: like the girls are just 😍💘💋 Rio: Match their boys to their bags Rio: weird Rio: we should still do something special for you though Rio: it's your birthday as well, after-all Nancy: Yeah but I'm the weird one, okay then Nancy: It is but I don't feel as if I need to be all 🎉🎂👑 Nancy: He's got that covered Rio: Don't worry, I know your style Rio: and that it ain't his Nancy: He doesn't have any Rio: 🔥 Rio: ice that on the cake, babe Nancy: If ANYTHING was allowed to be homemade I would Rio: Can't imagine your Ma in a pinny, like Nancy: If my dad asked, then maybe Nancy: They are so gross but that's a convo to have in therapy one day Rio: Yeah, that is NOT my present to you Rio: lemme get qualified Nancy: What ARE you getting me though? Rio: No spoilers! Nancy: 😞😞😞 Rio: Surprises are fun Rio: don't be sad Nancy: Never in this house Nancy: But I trust in your gifting abilities Nancy: 🧡 Rio: And I'll bring over all the kids...interesting homemade attempts Rio: what more could you ask for? Nancy: Tell Junior he's so rude for refusing to get on a plane Nancy: It's not a phobia if you just don't want to Rio: Real talk Rio: ride or die until he's scared he'll end up at this party too Rio: bless Nancy: Like, I get it, I don't want to be in Chelsea either but I'd do it for him Rio: I ain't getting in the middle of gay drama Rio: I know better Rio: I could beg on your behalf but we both know, unlikely Nancy: Oh my god, you're not allowed to out him, even to me Nancy: It's a secret that we all know, okay Rio: 🤐 Rio: I do forget he's younger than us, like actually no pressure but also you know NONE of us are gonna be mad so Nancy: So problematic, you'd fit right in at the party actually Nancy: He's an adorable little old man Rio: 😱 Rio: 'Scuse me Rio: don't be starting beef with me, I'm coming Nancy: 😂 Rio: Literally so rude Rio: don't make me flip my hair at you Nancy: Babe please, I can do it better Nancy: Mine's so long now Rio: Alright showoff 😉 Rio: mine would be too if I straightened it Nancy: [sends a show offy hair flip clip but cute like look] Rio: Awh, you look so cute 🧡 Nancy: I look so 🥕 but I make it work Rio: straight 🔥 I swear Nancy: Okay but never use straight to refer to me, thanks Rio: Such a hater Nancy: Of men, exactly Nancy: You would be too if you went to our school though Rio: I can imagine Rio: tory central Nancy: Lord, it's like a timewarp of values but the levels of privilege have kept sky rocketing Nancy: The party's gonna be like Gatsby's except if the green light was shots and nudes Rio: Ahh the irony Rio: How do you stay even slightly sane/normal Nancy: I don't Nancy: They are the 'normal' ones and I'm obviously insane with grief about it Nancy: Oh please let me in your oh so exclusive club so I don't have to hang my head in shame Rio: nah, fuck that Rio: just the lunatics running the asylum Nancy: I hate it here so much Rio: Is there anyone vaguely decent you hang with? Nancy: No Rio: That's so crap Nancy: I'd rather have no friends than fake ones cos there's nobody real around Rio: I feel that too Rio: but its hard having to spend, what, 7 hours a day alone and surrounded by dickheads Rio: hope you're making your weekends worth it, yeah Nancy: I'd love it if they left me alone Nancy: That's what weekends are for, definitely Rio: Enough about those boring bitches anyway Rio: my mum wants to talk to yours, the usual, but they're cool with it so Rio: 👍 Nancy: I'll let her know when she comes in Rio: 🤞 she doesn't talk her ear off so hard she won't let me come like hell no, this fucking family Nancy: I can't even let that be a possibility Nancy: Do you want me to have a birthday breakdown, mum? Nancy: I don't think you have time in the schedule for that Rio: Hit her up with those birthday demands Rio: it's my party and I WILL cry if you don't do what I want, like Nancy: I don't wanna go there but if I have to, I will Rio: 👑 Rio: if there's ever a time to be a tiny bit of a diva Rio: I have to make a fuss or bitches will be tryna skip to Christmas like nah Nancy: That's so rude Nancy: To you and your dad Nancy: Also who in the hell wants to skip to Christmas? It's so stressful oh my god Nancy: Give me all the shopping days, thanks Rio: Seriously Rio: not a grinch or anything, gimme presents then too but come on Rio: attention is the best 🎁 for the eldest of 10, duh Nancy: Do you wanna be the joint guest of honor at this party instead of me? Nancy: As far as attention goes, you wouldn't get more unless you lock Buster in his room or something beforehand Rio: 😂 I know you're not identical but I don't think your ma would appreciate the insinuation that me and him are in any way twinning Nancy: You could wear a costume Nancy: He'd hate that as much as he'd hate sharing the spotlight even a little Rio: No shade but 0 lack of desire to white face Rio: but that's tempting, have I even got time to think of a decent costume though Rio: hmm Nancy: I can't lie, I'd be tempted if I was staying Rio: We so should Rio: maybe we'll need one for wherever we're going once you've made your joint wish or whatever the fuck Nancy: I'm with you on everything except I'm never blowing out candles with him for as long as I live Rio: Jokes, you definitely have enough 💸 for separate wishes Nancy: 🙏 Rio: This will be fun Rio: I'll send you details of anything that sounds good then Nancy: I'll send you any costume ideas I have, obvously Nancy: Thanks Ri Nancy: You seriously are the best Rio: Definitely Rio: and don't mention it, I had nothing good on anyway, this'll be way more fun than whatever lame party I was gonna be at Nancy: I feel like I definitely just complained about my life this entire convo Nancy: Which needs to be mentioned since I didn't even ask how you are or anything Nancy: Like, yeah that's gay culture but you know Rio: Nah, it's your bday, soon Rio: fully in support of that diva ish remember 👑 Rio: and same old same old here Rio: all good Nancy: Yeah? Nancy: Feels like forever since we've had a real life interaction Nancy: I'm glad you're coming Rio: It has been a while Rio: always feels like that since Schools in full swing and sucking the life outta us all like summer never happened Nancy: Unless you're Buster and school's your playground Nancy: I'm honestly surprised he isn't breaking in to have the party there since he loves it so much Rio: When you're gonna peak, gotta make the most, I guess 🤷 Nancy: I wish, you know he's just gonna keep doing better and better Nancy: Failure's not an option, like Rio: Not an option but a reality Rio: all well and good living that mantra and letting it take you as far as it can but I swear, real life is gonna hit him so hard, it won't be good Nancy: Maybe I took his share and mine, that'd be about right Nancy: I'll throw him a party for his mid life crisis though, of course Nancy: What are sister's for Rio: 😂 Can't wait to meet his hilariously age-inappropriate bae and pretend to give a shit about his sports car, like Nancy: I'll show up in mine like hey bro, older, hotter girlfriend in toe Rio: 🙌 Rio: Power moves Nancy: She can drive so I just get to pose even more extra when we turn up Rio: and you just want a driver, lbr 😜 Nancy: You'll thank me for not driving Nancy: The girlfriend who doesn't exist won't when I'm that distracting, though Rio: 😏 Rio: go off boo Nancy: If only that saying was true Nancy: about quiet ones Rio: can be Nancy: I can't even remember how it goes Rio: it's always yous, basically Rio: bit ominous Nancy: Oh Rio: Init Rio: Junie can't be convinced Rio: spent a solid 30 there trying Nancy: He's no longer my best friend, you are Nancy: Next time he wants to know how to let a girl down gently I'm not helping Rio: 💔 Rio: cold, I'll break that news to him gentle tho Rio: old times sake Nancy: My mum's just text me so I'll gently persuade her that you need to like, stay forever Nancy: Easy, obviously Rio: Obviously Rio: with your persuasion skills and her laidback attitude Rio: 😉 Nancy: She's in such a great mood too after another meeting with my form teacher who is himself convinced that Dyslexia only affects working class children Nancy: I tried to tell him that's the stock I'm bred from but he also believes that girls should be seen and not heard, like Rio: Ugh Rio: What a prick Rio: though not that surprised Rio: any issues and the royals hide their kids in asylums so Nancy: They only let girls in during the last century or whatever so he's far to old to have ever interacted with one Rio: Yeah, probs far too invested in the boys if the stereotypes keep ringing true Nancy: Gross but probably true Rio: Someone has to rub 'em down after rugger, babe Rio: 🤷 Nancy: Stop trying to trigger PTSD in me Rio: 😂 soz Rio: jus' sayin' silver lining you don't have to deal with the predatory masters, even if they at best tolerate your existens Nancy: Thank god, since I came out more lads have told me they fancy me than ever before, I'm already inundated and wanna die Rio: Nothing sexier than unavailability Nancy: Nothing sexy about how they show their 'interest' though Nancy: If that's how they approach straight girls I don't know how we've survived as a species Rio: Go on, wow me with their chat Rio: need a laugh Nancy: Most of them don't even bother to speak, their love language is clearly touch Rio: 😬 Rio: Rapey Nancy: It's scary, like Nancy: I thought posh boys were meant to be repressed Rio: Nah, they're THE worst Rio: untouchable in return for all the grabbing they're into Rio: and SO many mommy/daddy issues Nancy: Gross Rio: Fun if you're feeling it for the weekend but yeah Rio: not a mood you wanna marry into really Nancy: If I wasn't gay before I definitely am now you tried to force your tongue down my throat in the middle of the school hallway, thanks so much  🙄 Rio: That's so grim Rio: hope you smacked him Nancy: My brother has essentially one use to me Rio: It's something Rio: don't discount it Nancy: I can't unless I also wanna take up boxing myself Nancy: Not really my thing so Rio: Least you know he gives some shits, yeah Nancy: He likes to hit stuff Nancy: I've always known that Rio: Yeah Nancy: Anyway, I have to go Nancy: If I ignore this deadline it won't Nancy: and the essay won't write itself either Rio: Oh no Rio: lame Rio: but good 🍀 Nancy: Thanks, I need it Nancy: At least until my mum gets back and I can ask her about romantic classicism Rio: I'm too dumb and poor for this shit, sorry xoxo Nancy: I do have the money to buy myself an essay where my brain has failed me Nancy: but I'd have to make it look Dyslexic enough so I might as well just write it Rio: 💔 Rio: Sad times, princess, sad times Nancy: ikr 👑💧 that's my crown of tears not like Nancy: any other liquids Nancy: I'm definitely not putting any sweat into it Rio: 💪 you got this Nancy: I've got 🍀 because of you Nancy: I'll make it work Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Nancy: xxx

[yeahponcho]

i think it was a joke but honestly these jokes are going way too far. I know it's a Hip Cool Relatable thing to joke about suicide and depression all the time but its basically watering down depression and making it so when someone is actually making a cry for help theyre only met with "haha same" instead of any form of real support or help. please don't make jokes like that. it's causing more harm than people think

yyyeah I definitely agree, I mean sometimes I make mental health jokes to cope but never like... suicide stuff. I think it was probably a joke but I mean, just in case I’d honestly look silly and take it seriously than overlook it and someone hurt themselves. 

I do agree it causes more harm than it seems like it does. and like... there’s a lot of posts I see on here where people put themselves down and it’s made out to be like a “haha same #depressionfeels” thing and it’s like... yeah, I’m guilty of putting myself down too, but I TRY my best not to because it makes me feel worse in the end honestly. trying to be positive is a better thing to do even if it’s hard. 

recovery is hard. depression and mental illness is Hard. and it’s not perfect and sometimes you gotta make a few jokes to keep calm or to cope but overall I feel like we should be striving to be more positive instead of negative. since I’ve started going to therapy I’ve learned New ways to dig myself out of the Sad Hole and it’s helping a lot.

#suicide mention - #mental health - #I don't think people that make those jokes are bad people or anything! I just think there's a better Way #Anonymous #answered asks

[drunkme-mories]

Okay, here I go...

Since I’ve met you, I find myself on an eternal repetition compulsion.

“Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats an event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again.”

It’s like I’m on an infinite roller coaster, stuck on the loops. I don’t know why I am unable to get over you. (I mean, it has been almost 2 years that I’m trying to...).

Some days I go to bed, with a feeling that when I wake up the next morning it would all be just the same, just like before, you know? It would be a usual Friday, before the pandemic, and I’m feeling nervous just to imagine if I’d see you later that night and if you would finally notice me.

You’re still in my head (almost 24/7 lately), but I just don’t know why. Sometimes I justify it with the fact that we never talked in person about everything, we have barely texted about it. I even used to believe that what we had was a karmic relationship.

I keep asking myself “why I’m still thinking and caring about her, even after everything that has happened?” We’ve lost the most important thing to me, that was our friendship. And I know I’ve probably lost the sympathy of your friends (but I promise that you didn’t lose my friend’s sympathy, ‘cause every single time I have talked to them about you, I have always emphasized the fact that it had nothing to do with your character, and that you’re a good person with a good heart) and it hurts so much to know that we will never be able to meet up at the bar again, grab some drinks and spend the night laughing and having fun like we used to.

I even miss the nights we spent during this quarantine texting each other, talking about some crazy shit that has happened to us some years ago, to send each other TikTok’s, to know what’s going through your mind, what’s happening in your life, who’s the new girl that you’re breaking the heart, stuffs like this you know?

I was finally getting used to the idea that we would never see each other again, wouldn’t even talk again, but maybe unconsciously I don’t want that, I don’t want to say goodbye, I want you in my life, even if it’s not like a lover but as a friend, and I wish we could make it out without hurting each other again, and without hurting my lover too.

Well, she was always insecure about you, because even she could see how pure and intense my feelings were for you, even when I didn’t want to see it, and didn’t want to assume it (to you, to her, and myself). And I would probably feel the same way if I were in her shoes.

Since the goddamn day I fell in love with you, I live with this guilt, that consumes me more and more every day, the guilt of not being brave enough to tell you at the time what I was feeling for you (even tho you were always really mean to me, but that’s not the point right now), just like Lizzie did to Casey on that episode... Or to just have sent you a drunk message saying “hey bitch I fucking love you can you stop being trash to me and just accept to go on a date with me, to steal me a kiss after some glasses of wine, and tell me that you feel the same way about me?” you know? 😂

But now this guilt is even worse, because I’m with someone else, who I unconditionally love and cherish, but I know that I’ll never love anyone the same way I have loved you and it kills me inside.

Sometimes I think I'm not enough for her, that I wouldn't be enough for you if we ever had become something, that I don't deserve to be loved, and I know that it's probably true...

But anyway, sorry if sending you that previous ask sounded like I was being selfish, or that I was trying to take advantage of you, ‘cause it wasn't my real intention.

I wish I could erase this feeling on us, so we could meet again and laugh about all of this chaos, especially about the stuff we both wrote about each other ‘cause, I mean... I was never a good writer, but I kinda wrote some poems about you, I even wrote you a letter, remember? Not that I'm trying to be cocky but I nailed the poems, they're pretty good, maybe I should try to write some more so I can publish a book, Rupi Kaur style 😂 sorry, I tend to use humor as a coping mechanism.

But anyway, I hope you're doing good, that you have achieved your dream of entering a med school, that you're going to therapy, and I'm still hoping we could still be friends, even grab a coffee someday, and finally talk about everything in person. I will always wish you the best! 🌕

Yeah let me go topic by topic ok.

First of all. It’s good to talk to you again.

Second, yeah I also feel lost in that loop (by the away great taylor song about it the way I loved you check that out). But I don’t thing it’s karma at least no a bad karma. I think we have this weird connection that every time I’m thinking about you a lot, like these lasts days you show up in my life again and I can’t help but think that we’re going to always be in each other’s life bc were supposed to. This weekend my family was talking about other lives and even I don’t believe in that, I thought this may be us.

About lost our friendship I spoke to one of my friends a couple months ago that I was missing you. And I didn’t know why. So I told him “ok I’m going to text her”. He told me to look at our old conversations to see if eventually we’d have those conversations now that you’re dating. And FUCK looking back to that hurt me. But it was good to see how much I’ve change, you know, that last convo when I was saying that I was jealous and i couldn’t just say “I’m jealous of you, you dumb bitch” was especially cringe for me. But yeah, he’s the only friend of me that knows and he’s not our (strange to say our bc that’s no us at all) number 1 supporter. Cause I don’t even now how to explain to people what we had. It’s something that we don’t even know what it was or what it is.

Now let’s get in to the topic that you blocked me. And I know that was important for you relationship and stuff but I was heartbroken. Like unfollow and muted ok, but cut me like that was cruel of you. I understand. But was hard. I also wanted to told you about some big changes up in my life, wanted to know what you’re up to, love life, college, family and everything. You were some weird friend of me after all.

About being friends I’m 0% into that right now. At this point I can’t see myself having anything with you (but I’m up to a illicit affair). Also fuck her. This 6 moths made me hate her so much and I know is jealousy but I don’t care. I know it’s not kind of me and blablabla but fuck it, she’d also hate me to if she took a look in my brain. And she’s right to feel insecure bc if I had a chance I wouldn’t doubt about it (guess me being a trash didn’t change that much lol). And I know she’s good to you, know she treats you like I’ll never be able, but I just think it should be me, you know, even though if we were both single we’d be nothing like that. So yeah that’s another topic. Fuck her.

And yeah Casey and Izzie will always remember me of you, and also will some songs, and some other movies. That was all I had of you in the last 6 moths so I guess that will change eventually.

It’s good to hear that even though she’s having a lot of was once mine, she would never have it all. That’s good. This past moths I’ve seen she take everything that as ours and turning in to yours so it’s good to know that if I show up at your wedding I would still cause some trouble.

Some things never change right?

I’m really sad to see you putting you down like that. So if my opinion has any importance to you, I think you’re too much for her anyway. And I’m sorry to help you feeling that you don’t deserve love in any kind of way. I think having a past, like you like to call me, won’t make you least or not deserving her love.

It’s not you’re fault you had a 10 and she’s a 5. Ok maybe a 9. Ok in 2019 I was definitely a 5 as well.

Don’t be mad at me I’m just joking ok.

In the moment we sat down and talk about this time we’ll have some good laughs. I still got those poems and I’m still waiting to have the box you told me about. And I guess that’s whats keep us here talking in one unofficially social, talking in other language, me writing texts about you. I’ve never lied to you that I love this drama and I think you might like this as well.

Least, I want to tell you again that right now I can’t see myself having a friendship with you cause I still have a lot of feelings going on. I like to imagine us meeting again in the future, both change, both grown, and living all the things we’ve always wanted but we’re both not ready for it. After that being said, I wish the best for you as well. I’m not going to end it that way bc I feel like this is not the end. So I hope you read this and send me a chat on here so we can talk privately. If you feel like that’s not the right thing to do, I’ll be always here fore you and I’ll always have a song to send you for you to remind of me in secret. Missing you.