#this is a heavy post rip sorry i am Thinking Thoughts today

[zukosdualdao]

i don’t like it when people call zuko stupid/dumb, etc. for many of the same reasons other people don’t (it’s generally ableist to make fun of people for lack of intelligence, but it makes me especially uncomfortable when part of the abuse zuko has suffered is specifically being treated like he is by ozai (and azula, who obviously learned this behavior from her father and seems to delight in being able to manipulate zuko so well when that is, of course, an effect of trauma.)

but i ALSO don’t like it because it doesn’t actually match up with what we see about him in the show. zuko, at multiple points, is able to logically assess information and react accordingly, use his bending and general combat skills and environment creatively, and when he is actively trying to grow and change, gets a lot better at emotional insight with both himself and others.

(moments that come to mind re: some of these abilities are when he’s looking for iroh in the first winter solstice episode, one of his crew members sees the spot where iroh was taken and assumes there was a landslide, and zuko is immediately like “no, land doesn’t slide uphill, he was taken by earthbenders.” also i think about him sliding the table between him and jet before their epic sword fight all the time. LOVE a character who is resourceful in their fight sequences. another is in boiling rock when they escape the prison but still need to get off the island, and zuko stops and deduces that azula must have gotten there somehow and then quickly finds the airship that they use for the rest of their escape.)

i think part of this idea comes from iroh telling zuko he doesn’t think things through and zuko later taking that to heart, and there is an element of truth to this, but i think it’s actually somewhat of an oversimplification on iroh’s part (and therefore in common fandom interpretation of zuko as a character.)

the thing is, some of the things zuko does that people deem ‘stupid’ are actually just showcasing that the tunnel vision he succumbs to when desperate makes him not only cause harm to others, but himself, because he becomes actively careless about his own life and general well-being.

for instance, a scene i see people attribute to zuko not being smart a lot is when he breaks into the nwt by following the turtle seals under frozen pathways. and i disagree! this is simultaneously really clever (zuko is #very good at breaking and entering) and very reckless. (he is very desperate by this point, even moreso than he has been all season, because his resources have pretty much vanished, with zhao having his ship exploded and commandeering his crew.)

and the line he has here shows that he actually is thinking about the logical consequences of this potentially very dangerous course of action: “they have to be coming up for air somewhere.” it’s not that he doesn’t think about what could happen next, it’s that to him, the risk seems worth the reward. and when he gets desperate enough, he decides his options are “figure it out as i go” or “die trying.”

and like. that is, to me, a more interesting trait, and also deeply concerning! i don’t read zuko as actively suicidal in the show canon — the comics are a whole different beast we won’t talk about today — but it is certainly risky, self-destructive behavior that is like… just to the left of passive suicidal ideation.

that’s also why i think iroh probably knows he’s oversimplifying a little in his assessment of zuko not thinking things through. because it’s a lot easier to tell himself that the nephew he loves dearly just isn’t thinking things through than actively devaluing his own safety to this degree. it’s also part of why he becomes so adamantly, deeply concerned (to the point of sounding almost stern) when zuko despairs that “there’s no hope at all” in book two. because once you give up on there being any hope left in the world or in your own life, it becomes a lot easier for those semi-passive self-destructive behaviors to become a lot more active.

#ableism // #suicide // #suicidal ideation // #jic #abuse // #this is a heavy post rip sorry i am Thinking Thoughts today #atla #zuko #meta #iroh #zuko & iroh #it’s also why i don’t like hcs where the dynamic is the gaang also (genuinely; not like the friendly teasing of aang in the firebending #masters) also treat zuko like he is stupid post-him becoming their friend #you mean the group that is a) full of remarkably kind people #and b) directly set up as being a much healthier support network than zuko’s abusive family #would treat their friend like that??? #sorry i don’t but it. also i’m salty. #* buy

[smoochkooks]

—chapter twenty: this hope is treacherous

this is a part of my an ode to a broken heart drabble series.

pairing: jeon jungkook/reader genre: unrequited love, best friends to (?), heavy angst, smut

word count: 2.4k words summary: it is not a sign of maturity, to cling to someone’s drunken words so much. but for a while, you did.

previous || next

Jungkook [Thursday, May 3rd, 05:32 pm]

How did it go? Soojin says everything’s fine between you

Want to grab bulgogi on Saturday? Same place as usual

Jungkook [Saturday, May 5th, 01:05 am]

Is everything alright? You haven’t been answering my texts

Jungkook [Saturday, may 5th, 03:45 pm]

Can I call you?

Two missed calls from: Jungkook

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th, 9:33 am]

Are you sick? Do you need something? I can drop by later today after work

I’m worried

Why are you not responding????

YN?

You [Wednesday, May 9th 06:15 pm]

Jungkook, sorry I have been MIA this past few days. I needed some time to think and I decided I want to keep some distance between us from now on.

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th  06:23 pm]

What are you talking about? I thought we were good.

Did Soojin say something to you?

You  [Wednesday, May 9th  06:25 pm]

No, nothing happened. Soojin accepted my apology and she decided to move on, as I think we all should.

It was solely my decision and I need you to respect it

One missed call from: Jungkook

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th  06:26 pm]

You won’t even answer my calls?

Come on YN, this is ridiculous

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th  08:15 pm]

Fine. I’ll respect your decision. Can I at least talk to you in person about it?

Please

“You’ve been staring at your phone for the past ten minutes, babe. Jungkook’s not going jump out of it, you can calm down for a sec.” Dahyun says from her place on your couch.

It’s Wednesday and Wednesdays for Dahyun are reserved for self-care, which often means trying out new face mask recipes she saw on TikTok. And since, as she stated a long time ago, “You’re my bestest friend, ever, ___” you are obligated to take part in it as well. If you refuse to participate, you should gear up for the Cheong Dahyun’s wrath.

That’s why you’re currently soaking your feet in a mixture of soap, bathing oils and a secret ingredient Dahyun doesn’t want to disclose, with a hydrating sheet mask on your face.

You lock your phone and throw it to the other side of the couch. “I should probably just ignore him completely.”

Dahyun rips off her sheet mask in a way too dramatic manner and turns to look at you. “And let that she-devil win? Fuck, no!” she blurts out.

You snort. “She-devil?”

“I would call her the b-word but I’m trying to cut down on derogatory terms when referring to women, even those who deserve to be called that,” she explains, massaging her neck with the sheet mask’s oily residue. “Anyway, I think you should tell Jungkook the truth. She’s manipulating both you and him!”

“If a say a word to Jungkook, she’s going to write a post on her social media and not only expose me, but also accuse of having an affair with him.” you reason.

“Just tell Jungkook she’s threatening you. He’s going to see right-through her bullshit, leave her alone and be with you,” Dahyun shrugs like your predicament isn’t complex at all, and motions for you to take your feet out of the water. She tosses you a white towel and hands an opaque container. “Now put that onto your feet. Girls on TikTok are saying they will feel like heaven. And smell like lavender too!”

You scoop the cream onto your nail and sigh. “It’s not that easy. She is his wife and he loves her, of course he will take her side. He might not even believe me,” you say. Your eyebrows involuntarily rise, inhaling the cream’s scent. “It does smell like lavender.”

Dahyun makes ‘I told you so’ face before replying, “You’ve got twenty years of friendship on her.”

 “And unrequited crush, and a whole book about it.” you point out.

“I forgot how complicated your life has become these days,” Dahyun says, shaking her head. “So what? You’re just going to give up? Ignore his messages, calls, don’t answer the door when he’s on the other side, hide in the bush when you’ll  randomly see him on the street and only contact him once a year for his birthday?” she asks.

Initially, your plan was to wait a few weeks after your confrontation with Soojin and eventually things would get back to normal, slowly and steadily. You’re used to being on stand-by, after all. But that was before you actually met up with her to talk. Before she’s threatened to reveal your biggest secret to the whole world. Variété would never grant you another book deal after such scandal. You would be ruined for good and blacklisted by every single publishing company in this country. You can’t risk your career like that. Not now, not when you’re already working on your new book and this time you decided to release it under your real name.

You think about your parents. What would they think about their daughter? Surely they would feel disappointed. Lastly, you think about Jungkook. If you let Soojin get away with her threats, you might lose Jungkook for good. And that would slowly kill you.

“Okay, fine. I will try to talk to him about it.” you finally decide.

Dahyun claps her hands. “I knew it! Gosh, You’re down bad for this man, aren’t you?” she asks, grinning.

“Stop teasing me or I’m going to cancel our next self-care Wednesday.”

She gasps. “You wouldn’t. I have gua-sha massages planned for that day.”

“Try me!”

You [Wednesday, May 9th 11:08 pm]

Okay. We can talk in person

Jungkook  [Wednesday, May 9th 11:09 pm]

I’m visiting Busan this weekend. Soojin has a business trip so I’ll be alone

Would you like to go with me?

You [Wednesday, May 9th 11:12 pm]

Busan is fine by me. I missed my parents

I will take the train though.

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th 11:13 pm]

See you there

“There she is! My lovely daughter!”

It’s the first thing you hear after getting off the train at the railway station in Busan. Your mum hugs you tight and plants a kiss on your cheek. “Your dad couldn’t leave work earlier today so I’m picking you up instead,” She puts her hands on your shoulders and eyes you carefully. The smile she was wearing just seconds ago leaves her face. “I can tell you haven’t been eating well! What have I told you? You need to eat or you won’t have any energy!”

There it is. The world could be on fire and your mom would still worry about you not eating enough. Twenty-something years have gone by, and she’s still relentlessly reminding you to do so.

You roll your eyes, as you always do. “What did you make for dinner, then?” you ask, opening the car’s trunk and putting your bag there.

Your mom’s mood instantly lights up. “Chicken soup and jajangmyeon, your favorite,” she answers and starts the engine. “By the way, Jungkookie is also at his parents’, he arrived yesterday. Why haven’t you come with him?”

“I had a meeting at the publishing company that I couldn’t postpone,” you lie. “I’m meeting him later today, though.”

“I can’t believe my daughter is going to be a published author so-hey, you idiot! Who gave you a driving license?!” she yells. The young driver raises his hand in apology and your mom huffs. “It’s always the young ones! Anyway, do you know that Jungkook never visits his parents with that wife of his? I’ve only seen her once, during their engagement party for the whole family. You know which one, they did a big barbecue in the backyard. She seemed nice then, but a bit too standoffish, don’t you think? She comes from money, right?”

“Yeah, her parents own a company in Seoul that distributes vegetables and fruits all over the country. They also export, I think.” you reply, staring at the busy streets of Busan. You would probably rather talk about sex with your mom than discuss Jungkook’s marriage life, but your mom is a busy-body and loves gossip too much to let that slide.

To say the last, Soojin’s father is a big name in the industry. Jungkook told you once that he had to attend a dinner with Soojin and her parents, hosted by the minister of agriculture. You remember how much Jungkook worried he might not fit in the family. Soojin grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth, attending private schools and going on vacations overseas. The summer after they officially had started dating, Jungkook worked two jobs so he could afford to go to Thailand with her. What was a standard for Soojin, was a hard-earned commodity for Jungkook.

Your mom whistles. “No wonder she doesn’t like coming here to Busan. Too posh for that, ha! And especially now, with two extra people in the house. Oh, ___, they are such cute babies! Everyone is head over heels for them.” she says, beaming.

You smile to yourself. Junghyun, Jungkook’s older brother, got married four years before him to his high school sweetheart and few months ago she got birth to twins. Knowing Jungkook, he’s probably spoiling them with presents every time he visits.

And speaking of the devil, you notice his car immediately as your mom pulls up to your driveway. With a heavy sigh, you brace yourself for what’s to come.

Four years ago, Junghyun’s wedding party

“So, my dear brother, when am I going to dance at your wedding?”

Junghyun was clearly drunk, his speech slurred as he wrapped his hands around Jungkook’s shoulders and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek. You giggled, positively buzzed yourself.

“I’m twenty-one and I just got back from the military. Let me live a little.” Jungkook grumbled and shoved his older brother away.

Really, it had been a little over two months now. His hair had grown into a nice length, the buzzcut long gone. He had gotten more buff, his dress shirt holding for dear life in some places. He’s matured, no longer a nineteen-year-old who had just finished high school but a grown adult.

Truth to be told, you missed him terribly.

Junghyun sat next to Jungkook, opened yet another soju bottle and poured a shot for each one of you. “To my beautiful wife Mina. I love you, honey!” he shouted and downed the alcohol. You could see Mina from across the room shaking her head with a soft smile playing on her lips. You grew up watching them fall for each other more and more with every passing day. If soulmates existed, Mina and Junghyun were definitely destined to be together.

“What about that birdie you’re dating now, huh? Sodam or something? Huh?” Junghyun asked, poking Jungkook in the ribs teasingly.

Jungkook’s already flushed cheeks, reddened ever more. “Her name’s Soojin and we are not dating. We went on one date,” he said sternly. “Besides, she’s out of my league. Her parents are super rich. Do you know she’s been to Paris this summer? She probably doesn’t know how cup noodles taste like!”

“She doesn’t know what she’s missing, then.” Junghyun shrugged his shoulders. He poured himself another shot of soju and looked at you, then at his younger brother, his face weirdly serious all of a sudden. “You know what I think?” he asked.

“I haven’t gained the ability to read your thoughts yet, hyung.”

Junghyun smacked Jungkook’s head. “Aish, who taught you to speak like that to your hyung?” You knew that, from the way Jungkook was biting his lips to refrain from laughing, that he wanted so badly to answer: “You did!”, but he decided to let Junghyun continue his drunken monologue. “I think that you and ___ will end up together one day.”

You tried to conceal your surprised expression with a chuckle. “Me and Jungkook? Please, I wouldn’t stand his ass.”

“Hey!”

Junghyun shook his head. “I’m serious. Best relationships, the ones that last years and years, are made out of friendship. Your partner should be your best friend! Look at our parents! Look at me and Mina! We’ve been friends throughout the whole middle school, tiptoeing around each other before one us decided to finally make a move. And now we’re married.” he said, his gaze longingly fixated on his wife. You dared to glance at Jungkook, thinking you’d find him amused by his brother’s drunken speech, but he was looking at Junghyun, not a hint of smile on his lips. “I think that it might take you a while to get there but eventually, I’ll dance at your wedding. And I’ll be really, really happy to do so.”

It is not a sign of maturity, to cling to someone’s drunken words so much. But for a while, you did. You replayed that moment over and over again in your head. You thought about Jungkook, his stoic expression while listening to his older brother. How he did not protest. How maybe, he could too imagine that happening. But then he went on another date with Soojin, and another. Started working extra hours to afford her lifestyle. Years gone by, and for some unknown reason, you still hold that memory close to your broken heart. 

#jungkook smut #jungkook angst #btswritingcafe #networkbangtan #ksmutclub #bangtanarmynet #bts smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #an ode to a broken heart

[enhypia]

JS ; exes

exes answers questions with the choice of drinking instead of answering

pairings: park jongseong x gn!reader

genre: angst, mild fluff

words: roughly 1.7k

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

~guides and warnings~

italics - reader speaking

bold - jay speaking

[enclosed] - interviewer speaking

italicized bold - both reader and jay speaking

[enclosed bold or italics] - question (depends on who's speaking)

heavily inspired by: rec.create lie detector games, cut truth or drink

warning: contains and mentions of !!! drinking, swearing, neglect, breaking up

i don't promote underage drinking, save your livers

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

hello, i'm (y/n)

and i'm jay

we're (awkward eye contact)

uhh we're exes

[you guys were invited here today as exes for a fun little drinking game, you guys were aware of that right?]

yes

yup

*interviewer shuffles awkwardly

sorry it's just, our friends were the ones who signed up for us

yeah, we just found out about it three days ago

[but are you guys still okay with doing this?]

we're okay

just give us a few minutes to get used to environment

*(y/n) chuckles

[okay, for this game, questions will be asked and if you refuse to answer, you drink, it's that simple. are you guys ready? should we start?]

*jay nods

ready as i'll ever be

[how long were you guys together?]

we were together for almost 3 years

[how long have you guys been broken up?]

about a year and a half now

[who broke up with who?]

i did they did

[why did you break up with him?]

so this was all a year and a half ago okay? no coming for jay, he's grown, we've grown

thanks?

you're welcome

*jay laughs

uhh.. it just really reached a point where i felt neglected in a way? and it was just tiring? i kept thinking 'do i deserve this treatment?' and i hated that i was doubting everything, including his feelings. so i just said let's talk about it and then yeah we split up

*jay drinks and (y/n) laughs

sorry sorry

nah i just needed that

[okay, how about we officially start the q&a portion between the of you now?]

*both nod and played rock paper and scissors to determine who gets to ask first, jay wins

*he picks up a card and facepalms after seeing the question

goddamn

should i be scared?

not sure, but you might opt to drink though

[do you blame me for what happened to us?]

oh my god *(y/n) laughs

i know right

so we're unpacking emotions today? okay noted

you can just drink if you're not comfortable with it

i'll drink but i'll still answer, might ease your mind no?

*jay couldn't stop his head from nodding

*(y/n) drinks

i admit that i blamed you at first, but then i got to thinking that it wasn't just you, i was also at fault too since i never really vocalized what i felt? i just let it build up until it reached the point where you couldn't do anything about it anymore, and i couldn't too.

yeah but it's more of my fault since i felt something was wrong but i just brushed it off, i brushed you off.

....

shot?

*jay smiles slightly and both raised their glasses to cheers before drinking

we were both at fault and i don't blame you, jay. i hope you stop blaming yourself

*(y/n) smiles softly then picks up a card to stop any reply they might get from jay

god why are these questions so heavy? it wasn't like this from other episodes

*jay and crew laugh

okay, hit me

[what's your biggest regret about our relationship?]

what the fuck

SEE ?!

*both laugh and jay drinks

okay, next question

no, i'm answering

[we won't stop you but just reminding you both that it's okay not to answer if you drink]

the alcohol releases the unhinged-ness

in other words, this is really just us using the alcohol to actually say what we feel

i think you already the answer, and it's that i didn't do anything about us even if i felt something was wrong. i just kept on focusing on my career that i reached a point where i brushed everything off as nothing. and in the end, while i got the success i wanted, somehow i also feel like i'm on the losing end really.

*(y/n) drinks making jay laugh

what? it's my first time hearing all this !

it was a rough break so

omg is this our closure ???

*jay's eyes widened

and it's filmed ?!?!

*everyone laughs

couple goals *(y/n) does a hashtag

oh wait *(y/n) looks at jay

exes goals *both do a hashtag pose

*they laugh, ignoring the sting in their hearts

okay, okay moving on

*jay laughs again

is it a heavy one again?

nope

[do your friends hate me?]

*(y/n) bursts out laughing

please 😭

we have the same friends

we share a lot of mutual friends

that's why there was like tension for a month in the friend group because no one knew what to do

i'm sorry you had to endure all that friends

remember when they literally made an organized schedule to hang out where we wouldn't see each since the break up was still fresh?

yeah like i got heeseung on tuesdays

and i got him on thursdays

😭😭😭

we love them though, they did their best to console us both

thanks guys <33

*(y/n) picks up a card

goddammit

[do you think we could've actually worked out our problems?]

i think it's unfair that i get a lot of heavy questions

i have the power of god and anime on my side today

i think we could've, if i just had taken the actual time to reflect and sit down and talk, we could've worked it out.

*(y/n) slaps jay's arm

i told you, stop blaming yourself

k

*(y/n) rolls their eyes

*jay picks up a card and

oh

what?

*he is stuttering guys, he is fidgeting

[do you wish we were still together?]

oh

yeah

.....

*both drink

i mean-

*jay has been paralyzed, he did not expect (y/n) to answer

i'm happy where i am right now, maybe there are moments of weakness that the thought crosses my mind but i don't dwell on it too much. i think we're both still learning and growing.

*jay doesn't want to think about the fact that (y/n) never said a clear yes or no

*(y/n) picks up a card and groans

please just drink to this

why?

[what do you think of me now?]

....

drink.

no?

why?

because-

why?

i'm answering

why?

i want to?

no.

right now i'm just really proud of you.

*WORLD PAUSE, (y/n) is malfunctioning

it's a little sad that i didn't get to witness a lot of it but i promise i watched from afar and i'm so proud of you. like it makes me feel lighter in a way? knowing that you're still going and pursuing your dreams. it just made me at ease that -

*(y/n) drinks, looking very much like snow white's apples

are you blushing?

jay i will kick you

*he laughs and pinches (y/n) cheeks making them redder, (y/n) slaps his hands away

i won't hesitate bitch

how about you huh?

[what do you think of me now?]

*jay you should know not to tease too much or else it'll bite you back

i think you're absolutely amazing.

*jay could only blame himself

i am in constant awe and there's this pride that i have in me whenever i see you thriving. it's weird because i thought i'd be bitter about it, but since i knew of your goals and how passionate you were, all i felt was pride. it did hurt a little that i couldn't go "that's my baby!" anymore.

*alert! jay's ears are red and it's spreading to his cheeks and neck

okay next question!

*he quickly picks up a card making (y/n) burst out laughing

everything i said was true though.

hajima. stop. pause. i'm not listening

*(y/n) laughs at flustered jay

this is the last one.

[question for both: if you could tell me anything, what would you say?]

sheesh

same

rock paper scissors? loser goes first

*jay wins

*(y/n) drinks

can you turn around for this one, like don't look at me.

*jay followed

i want to say that,,,, that it's not your fault for putting your future first. it kind of stung since you made me feel like i wasn't a part of it but i know that wasn't your intention. i understand your actions and i don't blame you. if i was in your position i probably would've been the same. i'm sorry that i didn't try harder, like you said we could've made it work but i just got so tired, i hope you can forgive me for that as well.

okay i'm turning around as well, your turn

*(y/n)'s eyes are glassy, but jay doesn't need to see that

i want to say that i'm sorry for neglecting you. i feel like you're tired of me saying sorry but that's really all i could do. i forgive you by the way even if i don't get why you're apologizing to me. i also want to say that, it wasn't you. it sounds cliche but you weren't the reason i became like that, it was me. it was never you. so please don't blame yourself for anything. please don't question your worth because you were more than enough.

yah i didn't want to unpack that

well i still know you and i was given the chance to say it now so

*(y/n) turns around wiping tears, jay is sniffling

i need a drink damn

*(y/n) pours a shot and jay as well, both drink after clinking their glasses

[you guys good?]

*both looks at each other and chuckles

we're good

i can't believe we have to thank our friends for setting this up

*jay groans

[care to answer one last question that is in everyone's minds' right now?]

oh god

is it what i think it is

[will we see you guys be featured again? maybe exes to couples again?]

let's drink!

*both take one last shot and waves to the camera

*(y/n) shrugs and jay winks

bye~

»————-　♡　————-«

bonus: youtube comments (peep last one)

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

a/n: i was planning to post this sooner but my pharma prof suddenly dropped a 6-page activity lmao rip, im scheduling the timestamps i forgot to post last update sorry sorry. my angst skills are subpar forgive me but i tried my best. i hope you like this one too !! jake's will be uploaded next ! please look forward to it <33

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #speak or shot #enhypen series #enhypen fluff #park jongseong #park jongseong imagines #enhypen jay #jay imagines #park jongseong x reader #enhypen park jongseong #enhypen angst #park jay #jay scenarios #enhypen jay imagines #enhypen jay scenarios #enhypen jay angst #enhypen jay x reader

[nctsworld]

reigniting

✩ mark x reader | dance au | enemies to lovers | car s*x | smut | fluff | 1.6k

SUMMARY ⇾ your hate for your dance captain (and ex-best friend) melts and evolves into something more for the night. WARNINGS‌ ‌⇾‌ smut (near the end), car s*x, swearing, angst in backstory RATING ⇾ mature FOR ⇾ @markleesflathead​ 

AUTHOR’S NOTE ⇾ yes i’m bitter that most of my fics in ask form don’t show up in tag so i might have to post them as individual fics hhh || @markleesflathead​ idk how this ended up into car s*x but i’m sorry if it isn’t what you really expected slkfmd also i’m v flattered to be one of your fave writers *_* thanks for the bday wishes!!

“I missed this.”

Mark suddenly says into the air after catching his breath from all the laughing he just did. With the hand that’s been resting on the steering wheel since he parked the car fifteen minutes ago, he swipes his thumb against it.

Your laughter subsides too, turning your head in the passenger seat to get a good look at him.

The closest street lamp isn’t near enough to cast a light to see all his features clearly, but you don’t need much lighting to see the waver behind his bespectacled face, nor the way his Adam’s apple bobs.

“I missed you,” he whispers softly, then matches your eyes with a tilt of his head.

The beginning was simple. You and Mark, best friends since middle school, about to attend the same university and were going to do everything together, including extracurriculars.

Which included the university’s main competitive hip-hop dance team, since both of you were on your high school’s too.

From what you heard from upperclassmen, every year, the team offered at least five spots open. Of course, Mark and you were confident in yourselves and each other to make the team.

But during your first year, only one spot was available on the team.

The straining of your friendship began to slowly occur, since you saw less of each other in order to train more individually for the auditions.

And when the auditions happened, there was a new tension between Mark and you. Still friends, but competitiveness was a prevalent wall between you two.

The wall grew larger, tangled with vines of jealousy and bitterness, when Mark received the spot, not you.

Both parties tried hard to keep the friendship afloat, but it eventually came crashing down.

“You’re just fucking jealous that I got in and you didn’t.”

“Yeah,” you said. “and I should be, because I’m the better dancer.”

“As if.” he scoffed. He spat out the next words venomously—

“If you were better they would’ve chose you, but you’ve just never been as good of a dancer as me.”

That was the last time you spoke to Mark... for a while, at least.  

When second year came by, you decided to prove him wrong and obtain a spot on the team. Successfully, you did, but partway through the term, the captain dropped out and, to your dismay, Mark was given captaincy.

Fast-forward to today, Mark constantly gave you shit during practices and you knew it was personal.

Sure, you could’ve quit, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. However, you always did wonder why he didn’t decide to kick you off the team when he had the power to do so.

Following one practice, Mark ordered you to come by the studio on a separate night for a talk. He claimed it to be extra training, but you were mentally prepared for him to finally remove you from the team.

However, you were wrong and the unexpected happened—the wall between you two began to crumble. The hostile professionalism during the extra session grew into an area of familiarity, remnants of a lost friendship. After the session, Mark swallowed his pride and apologized about what he said back then, even offering to take you out to dinner.

During the meal, both of you caught each other up on the last year or so, and at the end of the night, Mark drove you home.

Laughing, smiling, and talking with you like the last couple of years were a nightmare faded into nothingness.

And you didn’t mind it, because you missed him too.

But instead of telling him that, you nibble on your bottom lip and rock your head forward with a small smile.

Continuing the conversation from where you left off, after Mark agreed to stop giving you such a hard time during practice, you say, “Can I ask you to stop doing one more thing during practice?”

“What’s up?”

“Please, for the love of God,” you say with your hands clasped in a prayer. “Stop rolling your shirt sleeves up, it’s terribly distracting.”

A hearty chuckle escapes from Mark, leaning his head back into the headrest. “Why is it distracting?”

“You know why!” you exclaim, beaming. “I know you do it on purpose!”

He cocks an eyebrow playfully. “And why would I do that?”

Rolling your eyes, you reply, "Because I know the oh-so humble Mark Lee still loves it when he gets attention."

The driver runs his tongue over the bottom of his teeth in a smirk, hand still on the steering wheel.

"And what about you?” he retorts. “You must still have a thing for arms if you think it's distracting."

You gasp inaudibly, unsure of how he could still remember that tidbit after all these years, and you twist your upper body to inch near him, glaring at him accusingly. "Is that why you do it?"

"Maybe, maybe not..." he shrugs nonchalantly. Leaning closer to you, parroting your stance, he adds in a teasing whisper along with a squint of his eyes.

"You'll never know."

There’s a passing beat as your eyes lock, one that carries the weight of the years of loving each other as friends, hating each other as enemies, working together as dancers, and everything in between.

A moment of connection that represents what everything has been working towards to for a long time, even if you never thought you’d have the chance to ever have Mark in your life again.

His look falters for a millisecond, flicking to your lips, then straight back to your eyes as if he shouldn’t have done that.

The corner of your mouth lifts slightly.

"Are you going to kiss me, Mark,” you whisper daringly. “or are you going to keep staring?"

You’re awfully aware of both of your breathing. Yours, heavy and wanting. His, light and barely existent.

"How do you know I wanna kiss you?" he croaks, a small crack in his voice underlying his question.

Because maybe a little part of you always wondered what it’d be like for Mark Lee to want to kiss you since you were kids—for him to send you that anxious starry-eyed yearning that could send your heart into cardiac arrest.

And now, from first-hand experience, you know it really does.  

You hold your breath and question back—

"Am I wrong?”

The tension in the air snaps. He’s fast to cup your cheeks and crash his mouth into yours. Soft lips move in tandem with yours as you rest your hands on his shoulders, lightly tugging at his body.

The first, tender kiss is quickly thrown aside, along with your shirts. The desire escalates immensely and you’re suddenly straddling him in the driver’s seat, now pushed back to give extra room for both individuals.

"Should we slow down?" you ask offhandedly at one point while Mark’s mouth leaves a hot trail down the side of your neck. At the same time, his fingers glide and grip onto your bare waist, making their way to grasp your breasts.

Mark jerks away from your neck and carefully caresses the back of your head. "Do you want to?"

"Mm-mm,” you hurriedly shake your head and drag him into another strong kiss.

The exciting rush continues to run through both bodies present. When you return to the passenger seat momentarily to rid of your pants, Mark shimmies his bottoms and briefs down to his ankles and pulls a condom from his glove compartment.

“How often do you have car sex?” you joke, straddling him once again after he wraps himself.

In his reclined position, Mark looks up and scans your body quickly, both indulging in your natural beauty and in disbelief that you are here with him right now, after all these years.

“Hey, a guy’s gotta be safe—fuck, God.”

All quips and logic are thrown out the window when you sit on his length.

You have one hand pressed against his defined stomach, the other on the car ceiling. Bouncing with no end in sight, you allow the pleasure to enrapture your senses. Muffled whimpers reverberate against the inner side of your wrist as you feel him deeply with every movement.

On the other hand, Mark tries his best to keep his focus on you, but the intensity breaks him down. He groans in pace with your moving body, and he tightens his hold on your waist.

“Mark—” you cry. You rip your hand from the car roof and, without thought, frantically push it against the driver’s window, smudging the frost that all your collective breathing conjured up. You’re surprisingly already coming undone, and so is your lover beneath you.

“I’m close,” he pants thickly. His hazy gaze attempts to meet your half-lidded eyes, but you’re losing control. All you can do is barely nod and as you’re about to bounce more vigorously, Mark releases your waist and raises himself upward, clutching your back and neck to lock lips fiercely with yours.

You barely can thrust against him, but you don’t need to at this point, because the kiss is simply enough to draw out his climax.

You’re pulled back to reality after a few moments, panting with your foreheads tipped against one another.

“And to counter your question from before,” Mark grins, still breathing heavily. “I’ll only stop rolling my sleeves up during practice if you stop tying your shirt up to show off your waist.”

You try to stifle a smirk, but it can’t be helped. You reply to him with a flutter of the tip of your nose against his.

“No deal, captain.”

nctsworld’s birthday week celebration!

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[wkemeup]

Sunrise (4)

summary: After an explosion takes his arm and his only sense of belonging, Bucky is content to live out the rest of his days in the hollow comfort of the dark. This is, until Sam drags him down to the local VA and he meets you. (Modern AU) pairings: bucky x reader chapter word count: 5.2k warnings: symptoms of depression, PTSD, anxiety, some really sweet moments to balance it out, more book recs 🧡 series masterlist / series playlist

“You’re staring at the doors again, sweetie.”

Chin resting on your hands, arms folded out on the countertop of the library’s front desk, you tore your eyes away from the entrance to find Mrs. Jefferson peering over at you from over the bridge of her glasses. She smirked as she returned to her book, knowing she’d caught you in the act.  

“Have patience,” she said simply.

“Book club is tomorrow and—” you sighed, a heaviness returning to your body as you slumped back against the counter, stare drifting back to the doors at the entrance. The sun was beaming outside, reflecting in beautiful rays as it illuminated the walkway and touched over old oak and the colorful bindings of novels. 

You frowned. “I really thought he was going to come.”

“This James Barnes... he’s a soldier, yes? Like my boy?”  

You nodded, disappointment burning like a lump in your throat, though you swallowed it back. “A Sergeant. Sam said he came home a little under a year ago.”  

“Then he’ll come,” Mrs. Jefferson pressed confidently, sliding her glasses up her nose, the chain of purple beads clicking against the gem stones on her sweater. “Boys like that don’t break their word. Even if he is a bit of a hesitant one.”

You knew what she meant by that. Hesitant.  

No one liked to talk about the dangers of a soldier post-war. It was uncomfortable; the idea that they could still be fighting a battle long beyond the absence of a weapon in their hands and the threat of present danger. Heroes weren’t supposed to have chinks in their armor. They weren’t supposed to crumble and break under the weight of what happened beyond borders and the guilt they carried.  

They were supposed to be strong; a symbol of a great country and a willing tribute to place upon a pedestal. It was unacceptable to be a burden, unacceptable to do anything other than seamlessly integrate back into a society that they never really knew to begin with.  

It was all a farce; a rigged game set to line the pockets of the rich and exploit everyone else in its path – sent off to fight for a cause no one really understood or believed in. It left behind good men and women to the rubble; Bucky Barnes among them.  

Sam hadn’t told you much about Bucky before you met him, but you knew enough to tell that it was a struggle to get him to leave the apartment. He was isolated and quiet and hardly recognizable from the man you’d seen in photos. Only, it wasn’t the lack of his left arm that drew your attention when you first saw him, but the lingering sadness in his eyes.  

Sam had a picture hanging in the office that often pulled you in. Bucky stood on his left side, smiling so wide it left lines on his face. He was bright, light as a feather, only weighed down by Steve’s arm slung around his shoulders. You wondered if the man in the photo would have flirted shamelessly with you, if he’d have corny pickup lines or offer to take you dancing. He looked like the sort of man who had girls chasing his tail, a line of heartbreak in his wake. He was beautiful.  

It was strange to see him like that, comparing him to the man he was today. Now, it was like a cloud lingered over his head, draining the color from his skin and chipping away at his soul until it dimmed and crumbled and faded away.  

But you’d seen glimpses of the man in the photo. He was still beautiful; a little hurt and dragging his feet, but beautiful. His smile wasn’t quite as wide and the cloud was still present, but there was a peak of sunshine peering through. A single ray puncturing over stormy skies, but it was something. He’d laughed and teased and it was more than Sam had known him to do in months. You were determined to see the sun touch his skin again. If only he’d let you guide him there.  

“I’m going to go restock on the second level,” you conceded, pushing yourself up from the counter and sauntering over to the cart lined heavy with books.  

“Alright sweetie. I’ll be sure to page you when your Sergeant shows up.”

You felt a heat burning in your face at the very idea of ‘your Sergeant’. Mrs. Jefferson chuckled to herself, eyes still down on her book. She waved you off, not giving you a chance to object, even if you could string together a coherent sentence.  

***

Bucky couldn’t get out of bed.  

He’d been in this predicament hundreds of times before; staring up at the ceiling, wasting the days away as the curtains blocked the light and shielded him from the reminder of another sun daring to rise beyond his window. His energy would be drained and his willingness to so much as brush his teeth was obsolete. He’d known what it felt like to not be able to get out of bed.  

This was different.  

He had somewhere to be. He actually wanted to get up. He really fucking wanted to.

But the pain in his arm had flared to one of the worst episodes he’d had in months and it rendered him useless; the arm that was both there and not there. He could feel his left hand curl to a fist, could feel the itch on his palm, but when he tried to scratch it, he was only met with thin air, his right hand sinking to the mattress in search of the sensation that didn’t exist.  

It was infuriating.  

The nerve endings in his shoulder were going haywire. It felt like his arm was being ripped from his body and it took nearly all the energy he had not to let it consume him. He’d even gone as far to bite off a piece of his cheek in an effort to suppress the lump in his throat.  

Sam would have frowned at that, spewed him some bullshit about how crying can be therapeutic and Steve would nod his head annoyingly in agreement, but Bucky was tougher than that. He had to be tougher than that. If he allowed himself to unlatch that gate, it would consume him whole. He’d drown.  

Hinges squeaked at the front entrance as the door swung open and a pair of heavy footsteps came rushing into the apartment.  

“I’m coming, buddy! Hold on!” Sam called, the plastic swish of the grocery bag handing off his arms dropping to the floor. Bucky tried to concentrate on the sound of running water, the bottle of pills shaking in the small orange bottle, and not on the pain threatening to tear him in half.  

The door to his bedroom flung open and Sam rushed in with a glass of water and his fist closed around two red capsules. He paused in the frame, a frown pushing down at his mouth, and Bucky could only imagine what he looked like; disheveled, sweating, laying in day old clothes and muddled sheets. His right hand was shaking.  

“Alright, help me out, Barnes,” Sam said, setting the glass down on the bedside table. He placed a steady hand on Bucky’s back to help push himself upright. Bucky swung his legs off the side of the bed, finding his balance before Sam placed the pills in his hand.  

Bucky threw them back into his mouth, holding his hand out for the glass of water that would come next. It landed in his grip and he gulped down the medication. There was no instant relief with pain like this, but the knowledge it would soon wear off to something manageable was enough.  

“Thanks,” he mumbled out, voice tense as he struggled to find it.  

“Insurance companies are assholes,” Sam scoffed, shaking his head, though he patted Bucky on the knee. “Cutting off coverage for a fucking vet with no warning like that? Can’t believe you’ve been without this stuff for almost a week. It’s messed up.”  

Bucky had come to expect it. He knew something had to go wrong eventually with how things were starting to turn around. He’d actually been looking forward to seeing you at the library and almost went that next day if it wasn’t for the sudden attack on his own body. He'd tried to deal with it on his own, thinking he might sleep it off, but then it became unbearable. Insurance wouldn’t budge and he didn’t have the energy to argue on the phone with them all day. Thankfully, Sam did.  

Except now it was a day before the next book club meeting and Bucky didn’t know how he was supposed to face you. Part of him wondered if you'd be disappointed, if maybe you’d steal a glance over the doors and hope that it was him walking through, only to be let down as each day passed by. The other half wondered if you’d care at all.  

But he’d seen the way you’d smiled at him, how you’d lit up at the idea of him stopping by.  

You’d care.  

He wasn’t sure if that hurt worse, seeing as he never showed up.  

“You could still go.”

Bucky sighed at Sam’s suggestion. He wasn’t teasing him, wasn’t wearing that shit-eating grin. He was being serious. It was the kind of look that reminded Bucky that under it all, Sam was one of his closest friends, one of the few that stuck around when everything went to shit.

“She’ll want to see you,” Sam continued, nudging Bucky’s side with a soft smile, but Bucky shook his head, unconvinced.

“What am I supposed to say to her, Sam?” Bucky groaned, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “’Sorry I stood you up, but I felt like my hand was being sawed off on an arm I don’t even fucking have?’”

“Why not?” Sam shrugged, earning a glare in response he let roll off his shoulders with ease. “She’d understand, Buck. She knows what comes with the territory here. She’s a lot more familiar with this stuff than you think.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, a pang of jealousy burning hot in his chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Maybe you should ask her why she got involved with the VA in the first place.”

Bucky pressed his lips to a thin line, a silence coming over them. That was an immensely personal question; one akin to someone asking him how he’d lost his arm. He wasn’t sure that was an answer you’d be willing to share.  

Sam exhaled a heavy breath, patting Bucky three times on the knee before he stood up. “Let the meds kick in, but promise you’ll try to go, alright?”

Bucky stared up at Sam for a moment before he conceded with a short nod. The pain in his shoulder was starting to lessen, at least. It didn’t feel like his arm was being torn from his body or a knife was plunging into a part of him that didn’t exist anymore. It would likely get back to a place he could deal with within the hour.

“I promise,” Bucky said. “I’ll go.”

***

A brush of warm air filtered in through the vents as Bucky stepped inside the library. It was bigger than he remembered with large stain glass windows on the outer walls, filtering in a colorful sunlight onto the aisles upon aisles of books. At the center, just ahead of the entrance, was a reception desk. Bucky exhaled a tense breath in an attempt to rid himself from the nerves rattling in his veins and made his way to the woman sitting behind the counter.  

She was reading quietly in her seat, a pair of glasses on a beaded chain perched at the very tip of her nose. She didn’t look up in his direction until he stood at the edge of the desk, and only then, she caught glance of him over the top of her glasses before a smile rose on her lips.  

“Can I help you, young man?”  

Bucky cleared his throat. “I’m supposed to meet someone. She, uh, works here. Y/n.”

The woman nodded. She wore the kind of smile on her face Bucky was familiar with. He’d seen it in Sam about a dozen times in the last week; the kind of smile that said ‘I was right.’

“You must be Sergeant Barnes,” she said as she picked up the radio from the desk.  

Bucky nodded quickly, glancing over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but he felt jittery. He tried not to let the fact that you’d clearly talked to this woman about him throw him completely off his game. If he even had game to begin with…  

“Yes, ma’am,” Bucky replied with an even tone. She smirked.  

“Y/n,” she called into the radio, “you have a guest at the front desk.”

The woman held up a finger to him though it trembled with age, signaling for him to wait a moment. Bucky nodded, tucking his hand into his pocket as he silently made his way over to the series of chairs lined along the wall.  

He gripped his fist tight inside his pocket, trying to ignore the pulsing in his shoulder. It had lessened considerably since Sam brought him his meds, but it hadn’t gone away completely. Showering had taken longer than usual and it took him nearly four minutes just to pull a shirt over his head. His army jacket hung over his shoulders, wrapped in a protective layer, loose sleeve at his side. 

“If you’re pulling my chain, Mrs. Jefferson…”  

Bucky perked up at the sound of your voice. You were crossing the main entrance from the staircase, half jogging to the counter where the woman, Mrs. Jefferson, was grinning to herself from behind her book.  

You draped over the counter, toes barely keeping hold on the tile floors as you attempted to reach for her book, but she snatched it from your grasp just in time. You huffed, sinking back down the floor.  

“It’s not funny!” you whined and Bucky almost felt a little guilty for not making his presence known yet, but you were just so cute the way you slumped your shoulders and glanced back at the entrance.  

Mrs. Jefferson pointed over to where Bucky had slowly begun to make his way towards you, but you folded your arms over your chest. Bucky cleared his throat when he stood a few paces off your shoulder, but you didn’t seem to hear him.  

Mrs. Jefferson caught Bucky’s eye before she turned her attention back to you. “Sweetie, he’s—”

“He’s not coming, okay?” you groaned and Bucky felt a stone drop into his stomach. “I—I thought he would but… I was wrong.”

Bucky parted his lips to speak but suddenly his throat was dry. Mrs. Jefferson’s smile started to fade. Clearly, Bucky wasn’t the only one who heard the disappointment in your voice, the sliver of heartbreak, too. He tried to speak, to call your name, to say something, but he was marbled stone.  

“I’m going back to work.”

There wasn’t time to pull his words together before you slammed head first into Bucky’s chest. He stumbled back a few paces, surprised, and you gasped, hands flying to your mouth.  

“Oh God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t—” You stilled, taking in who was standing in front of you. “Bucky?”

He pressed out a smile, though his ears were burning red. “Sorry I’m late.”

“No! N-no, you’re totally fine! I didn’t—I didn’t think you were—” You blinked a few times before your eyes darted back at Mrs. Jefferson who only smirked from behind her book, adjusting the glasses on the tip of her nose. You turned back to Bucky, brushing out the hem of your skirt and wrapping the thick layer of a lavender colored cardigan tightly around your waist, almost like a blanket.  

You exhaled a nervous breath, a nervous smile lifting into your cheeks. “I’m happy you came.”

“It would have been sooner, I swear,” Bucky replied quickly, watching helplessly as your smile brightened into a laugh. “But, um, my uh—”  

He chewed on the edge of his lip. Was he really going to tell you what kept him held up in his room for days on end? Would it bitter the sweet way you looked at him to know that he was a mess under a poorly constructed surface, tied together with string and scotch tape? But you were looking at him so fondly, he wondered if there was anything he could say that could take that away.

“My arm,” he admitted, waiting for a flash of disgust on your face that never came. You softened a bit, but your eyes never left his. He cleared his throat. “It, um… It was just acting up. I ran out of meds and the pain it—it got bad. The kinda pain that sorta makes me wish I had the arm just so I could saw it off myself.”

Shit. He hadn’t mean to say that much but there was just something about the way you looked at him that made him feel like he couldn’t say a damn wrong thing. You pursed your lips, nodding in as much understanding as you could offer. You gestured to the staircase and Bucky followed you without question.  

“I would have been here last week,” Bucky finished because he needed you to know. He couldn’t stand the idea of you being upset, of that sliver of disappointment in your voice when you’d accepted he wasn’t going to show. He needed you to know he’d tried.  

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you said simply, though he could tell you appreciated it nonetheless. You offered him a smile, one that washed away any feelings of doubt that crept up to the surface. The pain in his shoulder was long forgotten when you looked at him like that.  

“I just wanted you to know.”

I just wanted you to know I’m trying.

He had something to look forward to now, a reason to get out of his bed and open the curtains and look at the fucking sun for once. He had reason to shower and go outside and shove away all the thoughts of self-doubt and paranoia because there was something incredible waiting for him beyond the door.  

I just wanted you to know you’re the reason I’m trying.

“Come on,” you grinned, leading him to the staircase. “I have a few books in mind you might like.”  

Your hand extended in his direction, but you caught yourself when you realized what you were doing. It was seamless enough that you easily played it off as you tugged your sweater tight around your body, but he noticed. It was an intimate gesture, a closeness he hadn’t known in years.  

He hadn’t remembered what it felt like to crave something like that.

***

It didn’t take long for Bucky to settle on The Martian by Andy Weir. It was the first book you pulled from the shelves, one amongst a series of alternatives you had ready in the event this one didn’t appeal to him. All it took was a single glance over the back cover, a slight incline in his brow, and he was sold.

“I trust you,” was all Bucky had said; so simply, as if it didn’t take the breath straight from your chest.   

Bucky didn’t have a library card you realized as you brought him back to the front desk. He’d sheepishly asked to check it out on your account, but you were determined to see more of him and you hoped that by getting him his own card, he might be more inclined to come back. Not that you explained it that way per say, but he didn’t object at least.

It had taken a lot less time than either of you anticipated and you found yourself following him to the exit, both of you dragging your feet.

“So, um…” he started, a nervous chuckle in his voice. “That was easy.”

“Yeah,” you scratched at the back of your neck, glancing to the clock hanging high on the eastern wall. “I hope you like it after all this trust you’re putting in my judgement.”

“I’m sure I will.”

A short silence swept over. Neither of you moving to leave. A couple swerved around you in an effort to get to the doors. The silence wasn’t awkward, but there was a nervous energy in it, like you were both waiting for the other to make the first move. Only, you both did it at once.  

“Would you want to—”

“I’m off at four—”

You bit down on your lips, suppressing a laugh. You gestured for him to go first. His looked so sweet with the pink in his cheeks. A man who had been once rendered as a weapon and he wore a blush in his cheeks. Your stomach held butterflies in its cage.  

“There’s a coffeeshop nearby,” he continued nervously. “I was thinking I could replace that coffee of yours I spilled last week…”

Your cheeks were starting to ache from how wide you were smiling. “Give me five minutes? I just need to wrap things up with Mrs. Jefferson and then I’m yours.”

Bucky’s eyes widened for a second, a flash of something unreadable on his face. He shook it off quickly and nodded, telling you he’d wait by the chairs along the wall until you were ready. It wasn’t until you were halfway to the desk that you’d realized what you’d said.  

I’m yours.

A harmless saying; one people used every day in passing. Still, you felt that same surge of energy at the thought. From the twists in your stomach and the stammer in your heart, you knew that if he’d asked, it would be true.  

***

Bucky watched as you scurried back to the main desk, a few quick glances back over your shoulder in his direction like you were making sure he was still there. You were smiling so wide, he wondered if it ached in your cheeks. He’d never known anyone to smile as much as you did, like you had this limitless supply of joy eager to be tapped into. He couldn’t help but feel a twist in his stomach, knowing he had been able to syphon some of that joy and bring it to the surface. It was him you were smiling at. It felt like a dream.

He glanced down at the book nestled into the sleeve of his bag; a stunning ombre in shades of orange to red to black, a lone astronaut in the center – like he was floating adrift. You’d told him it was a story of survival, of the intricacies of humanity and human connection. It was funny at times and filled with science beyond your pay grade, but it was mesmerizing.  

There was an unspoken hope he could read in your eyes that he might connect to the main character, Mark Watney in his search for connection, in his desperate hope to free himself from the isolation, in his resilience. You’d said Mark was an exceptional character, one with courage and determination to be admired.  

Bucky wasn’t sure he could stand up to the likes of Mark Watney, but he would certainly try.  

The glimmer in your eye as you spoke about the book, almost as if it were an old friend, was enough to convince him. For the first time in years, he felt the urge to read when he got home, just so he could see the look on your face in book club when you realized he’d already started it. He wanted to make you proud, wanted to see more of your smile. It was his new drive.  

A few minutes later, you came jogging back up to him. Your purse hung over your shoulders, a few new books of your own tucked under your arm. You’d done more than finish your shift at the desk though, he realized, because his eyes flickered to a reflective shine on your lips, one that hadn’t been there before. You’d put on lip gloss.

His heart flipped.  

“Ready?” you asked, gesturing to the doors. All bright eyes and sunshine as you looked at him.  

“There’s a café called Luciana’s not too far from here. I’ve heard good things about it. Might be quiet,” Bucky offered and a flash of something unreadable crossed your features. “Do you know it?”

“I go there every Sunday before book club! It’s my favorite,” you replied, nearly skipping in your steps. “Replacing my coffee and getting it right down to the same shop? I’m impressed, Bucky.”

He chuckled, hanging his head as he followed you down the descending staircase and into the heavy flow of pedestrian traffic. He’d forgotten how busy the sidewalks could get at rush hour and the smile quickly drained from his face, though he wouldn’t let you see.  

Bucky tried to focus on you as the strangers circled in around him, how you were laughing at the coincidence of it all, starting on a tangent of your favorite donuts at the shop. Your voice was like a beacon and he did his best use it as a guide.  

But he could feel the quicken pace of his heart inside his chest, how it thumped through his ribs and pulsed into his head the closer strangers got to him. He swerved out of the way of a tourist who was too busy looking down at his phone to notice Bucky in his path. He kept his head down, hand clenched tightly in his jacket pocket, eyes staring at the concrete.  

Teenagers were whispering behind him, snickering under their breath, and Bucky could hear the harsh ‘shhh’ of a father at wit’s end. His lungs felt tight, certain that the boys were mocking the loose sleeve hanging down by his side. He could have taken it if here were on his own. His ears would flush red and a wash of shame and embarrassment would flood his senses, but he could have taken it.  

Not with you by his side. Not when you could be privy to the harsh stares and the cruel voices, the validation to a fear he’d known to be true long before he met you – that he was a broken mess of who he used to be and he would never find that sense of normalcy again. He was kidding himself into thinking that you could ever want someone like—

“Bucky?”

When he looked up at you, your smile had fallen away, replaced with concern. It must not have been the first time you called his name. He didn’t know what to say. He felt small, like a child, embarrassed that even on a good day the influx of people still rendered him to a state of panic.  

“Come on,” you said quietly, glancing around to an alley off your shoulder. “Let’s take the scenic route.”  

He followed gratefully, staring at your shoulder blades as you led him away from the busy hustle of the crowd and along empty side streets and residential neighborhoods. It would take longer this way, but you didn’t seem to mind. You were too busy admiring the architecture of the brownstones and the beautiful array of plants and flowers hanging along the windows. In the open space, you skipped a few paces ahead, arms out wide and twirled around, simply because you could. You laughed and it echoed up along the buildings.  

Bucky could have handed you his heart right then. He could have pulled it straight from his chest and set it into your palms. He wondered if you would handle it with the tender sort of care he hoped you would. His heart was fraying and damaged, after all. It required a gentle touch.  

You fell back in line with him easily and you checked to make sure the next block wasn’t too busy before you led him down another side street. He tried to ignore the voices telling him he was a burden, that his baggage was dragging heavy at your feet, but it crept to the surface no matter how many times you smiled at him.  

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled out, willing his voice to be stronger than it felt. “I don’t know why this is such an issue for me. I was fine on the way over.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Bucky,” you said gently, slowing your pace until you came to a stop.  

Bucky dragged his feet, stopping along a bush of pink hydrangeas planted outside a stunning brick townhome. From the corner of his eye, he watched as your hand reached out to him instinctively, almost in slow motion, and you only paused as you realized what you were doing and pulled back. You cleared your throat.

“I’m not ever someone you have to apologize to about this stuff, okay?” you continued with a kind of sincerity in your voice, Bucky didn’t have a choice but to believe you. The way you looked at him nearly pulled him to pieces. “It comes and goes. Waxes and wanes. There’s no fault. No blame. Just tell me if something’s wrong, so I can help. That’s all I ask.”

Were you speaking from experience? Did you know someone who had been as shattered as he was? Was it the reason Sam wanted him to ask about why you were involved with the VA to begin with?  

It was quiet on the side street; the only sound the distant footsteps from traffic up ahead and the low rumble of car engines in the distance. A bird chirped from a low handing branch above.  

You shoved your hands into your pockets in an effort to keep yourself from reaching for his. He was surprised at the twist in his stomach when he wished you would have tried just one more time. Maybe he could have had some courage to take it.  

“Okay,” Bucky agreed, feeling a weight lift from his chest. When you smiled again it was small— a little heavy— but it touched your eyes. There was a relief in it, maybe an appreciation, too. It swept away some of the anxiety from his veins.  

“Okay.” Your smile widened as you continued to walk down the sidewalk. Bucky found himself feeling a little lighter as he followed behind.  

When the two of you approached the main street again along the block Luciana’s was tucked away in, Bucky didn’t feel as though he was suffocating anymore. He could sense his reflexes picking up, a subtle increase in his heart rate, but he walked a little closer to you, your hip bumping against his every so often and he found that it grounded him. It kept him firm on the surface when he felt like he was floating up into a distant unknown. He wondered if you knew the extent to which you affected him.  

Luciana’s was quiet inside as Bucky jutted out ahead of you to reach for the door. A soft strum of an acoustic guitar and a Spanish speaking singer’s intricate melody hummed over the speakers. He felt a solid breath of air fill his lungs, tasting of coffee beans and fresh pastries.  

“Welcome to—” a voice called from behind the counter before she paused, eyes falling on you. “Y/n!”  

A woman ran out from behind the counter, dressed in a stained apron and a long, bright pink dress, and held her arms out to you. You laughed as she enveloped you to her chest.  

“My darling! It is not Sunday, you know. You’re getting your days mixed up!” she exclaimed, wagging her finger at you. She didn’t even give you time to explain before she turned to Bucky, who suddenly felt a burn of heat on his face. “Ah! You finally brought me one of your boys!”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, turning to you quickly. His stomach dropped.  

“She means at the VA,” you explained, a little embarrassed at her implication as you shuffled your feet, eyes darting at the floor. Bucky raised an eyebrow in realization, eyes flickering back to the woman – who he assumed to be Luciana herself – as she scurried back around the counter. He noticed then that she was wearing slippers on her feet.  

“Come, come!” She called eagerly, waiting with a tapping toe at the register.  

You and Bucky exchanged a glance, a breath of a laugh escaping before you stepped up to the counter. You didn’t hesitate in your order, though you took some extra time in looking over the pastries and donuts after Bucky told you to pick something out for him. You put so much thought into it, it was really quite sweet. He waited until you reached down for your purse to slip his card over the counter to Luciana.  

She wore that same smile he’d seen on Mrs. Jefferson at the library. That smirk. Like they knew something he didn’t.  

You heard the ring of the cash registered and looked up at him, agape. You swatted his arm without thinking twice about it and there was a comfort in that. He laughed, taking his coffee and settling in at a table by the windows as you followed behind.  

As he watched you across the table, your eyes glancing out to the pedestrians as they walked back, nursing the steaming mug of coffee between your hands, that morning suddenly felt like it was a life time ago.  

Had he really been paralyzed with pain, unable to move from his bed, just a few hours earlier? It felt like a century had passed in between. In a rare indulgence, Bucky let himself wonder what it would feel like to spend all his time with you; if maybe time moved so fast it swept him off his feet or if it moved slow enough to allow him to catch every second.  

All he knew was that he wanted more.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic

[errruvande]

One messy night (Drunk!Boromir x Reader)

Summary: A drunk Boromir, asking you to marry him

AN I saw that summary at @xreader-writing and though this is cute. So I changed the plot but saved the drunk buddy ahah Word Count: 1338 TW: well, obviously, alcohol intoxication, uncanonically alive post-war of-the-rings Boromir

Woah! That was the night. Boromir fell into your chambers looking like a text-book picture of a living mess: barefoot, ripped and wet shirt, pants were rolled up to his knees. He hiccuped, taking few gulps out of his cup - some drops ran down his chin and he wiped it with his sleeve.

You were watching him wobbling around the room, stumbling into furniture: twice almost fell, steadying himself by grubbing the back of the chair, or hanging onto the edge of the table. You’d been sitting in your bed, reading, enjoying the first and, probably, the last silent moment of that day. You looked at his approaching figure with the face of the dead seagull, eyes swollen and cheek clamped from the fist that your face was resting on.

“My looove,” Boromir lingered, bursting his hands forward and spitting the beer right on the carpet. Damn, you growled at him, standing up and hurrying to take the cup out of his wet and dirty hands and put it on the table to prevent more destruction. “ooops,” he hiccuped. “I am so sorry, my love, I am --”

“Wasted.” You ended the statement for him, turning round and trotting back to burrow yourself into your comfortable bed.

You wanted to be angry at him at that moment: ruined carpet, ruined clothes, ruined merry evening, - but you couldn’t. That was the loudest party since the Aragorn’s Coronation tonight, though it was way smaller, only a couple of friends. The main man was, what made Boromir even more drunk, Faramir who turned 37 the day before. So you made an excuse for your lover to get that drunk and stepped before you in that state of being.

“Y/n, do you know what I’ve been thinking about today?” Boromir, who previously lost his footing and finally fell flat on the floor, crawled to the bed and pulled himself up to see your face. You made an effort to shook your head, lifted it inches above your pillow and then dropped it back on the warm, smooth material. “Faramir was talking much about him being happy in marriage with Eowyn, and I thought--”

When he stuttered again, losing the train of his thought, you mocked him roughly. “Of going and trying to steal her and then marry her?”

For a minute silence fell between you two and you almost flew into a sleep, when Boromir, already climbed on and sat on the bedside, rubbed his reddish eyes and chuckled. “That was a good one, Y/n.” He licked his lower lip and exhaled, squeezing his eyes and trying his best to keep his head straight, though it was outrageously heavy and was pulling his whole upper body to the ground. “My love, Y/n,” he turned his upper body, pulled his legs on the bed, knees under his chest. Boromir took your hand and you raised your sight on his tired face. “I thought, er, I thought that I want to marry you, Y/n…”

You put your second hand under your back and pushed yourself into a sitting position. Your eyebrows cocked to your hairline. “Ah, really? You want to marry me?” He squeezed your hand he was holding in his and leant forward to kiss you, when you sat him down. “Are you sure you want it? Or are you just under Faramir’s impact?”

Boromir hadn’t followed your thought, he listened to you and his head tilted on the side and brows pulled together. “Wha- what, my love?” He put his hands on the mattress and, lifting his body up, he tugged his feet and sat on them. “Y/n, I love you, don't you want to get married too?” His frightened expression made you breathe out a tiny laugh, looking right into his teared up puppy eyes.

“Well, what about this?” You forced yourself to roll out of the bed, despite your mind, usually, was enjoying the tenth dream at that time of the night. You stood up and went to another room, barely moving your feet. Boromir was looking at your shaded figure, that almost got losted in the darkness of the other room. He was swinging on the soft mattress, craning his neck to be able to see you. A few minutes left and you came back, holding something in your arms. You spoke to Boromir and your voice was deadly serious and at the same time quiet as night itself. “What do you think about this?”

You lended said something to Boromir and he gusped when saw what was that. “Do you have a child, Y/N?!” He shouted out the first words and then turned the volume down. “How did you hide, no, where were you hiding him all this time?”

You slapped your face with your flat hands, flowing down the wall. You had no strength for this man, though, you also had no anger for this man. “Boromi-i-ir,” you moaned, taking a seat next to him and patting the child's head gently, preventing his awakening. “It was hard to keep it a secret from you, cause you was closely, no,” he turned his head on your voice, face still twitching in shock. “directly involved in this child’s making.” You took the child out from his hands and, swinging him in your hands, walked to his room to lay his back in his cradle.

You found Boromir sitting motionless on the bed, eyeing the room restlessly. You sat next to him, wrapping a hand around his torso and pressing your forehead to his shoulder. “Does that mean that I have a bastard son?” Tears were dripping down his face and you growled into his shoulder, making a strong bite, leaving the pattern of your teeth on his skin. He jerked his hand and looked at you with a rather expression of disbelief.

“For the sake of the Kings of Old, Boromir, we are married, you drunk fool!” You rose on your feet and pushed your husband to the lying position. “Get some sleep, and you better be in your lovely sane tomorrow morning, or you definitely would need to steal your brother’s wife.”

That was a bit harsh of you, but you went to the other room and made a bed on the sofa there, near the baby’s cradle.

You woke up in the morning to see the bouquets of your favorite flowers in every possible vase in your chambers, there was a breakfast on your table and your son’s cradle was empty, as well as your husband's ‘cradle’, for his was not better than a child last night. Washed your face you went to the guessed room, where the table with the plates was standing, as Boromir and your son returned from the walk.

Ah, the look on his face… Lowered eyebrows and eyes that were quickly scanning the room and almost rolled to the inner side when stumbled on your figure - then his cheeks became reddish and he finally spoke with the softest raspy voice. “Am I that bad when drunk?” You nodded. “Are you angree at me?”

“Never was.” You said and the honeyed voice of yours melted his heart. “Can you remember me being angry at you, even at your most foolish?” You embrace him, locking the child between Boromir’s and your own chests, then he huffed.

“When I dropped this cub on the bed accidantely…” He chuckled but in the deep of his throat you heared a fear. “You almost killed me with your bare hands then.”

You looked him dead in the eyes, kissing your son’s head. “I will rip you apart if you do this again, Boromir of Gondor.” He cocked his head back and looked at you jsut above his own nose.

“He was inches from the mattress, he didn't even notice!” He wined and pouted.

“I warned you.”

“Well, I won’t do this again,” Boromir tightened the embrace and craned his head over the baby’s nape to knock a kiss on your temple. “I love you, Y/n, and, er, sorry for last night.”

AN That's it, I hope you liked it 💗 if so, reblog and comment would make my day brighter! Love ya'll ✨

Forever tag: @bonjour-rainycity

tag list: @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse

#boromir x reader #boromir x you #boromir x y/n #boromir imagine #boromir fanfiction #boromir fanfic #boromir fic #lotr fanfic #lotr fanfiction #lotr fic #lotr x reader #lotr x you

[thefanficmonster]

Sweet Tooth

Corpse Husband x Asian Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Tooth-rotting (😉) Fluff, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Corpse isn’t one to have a big preference or craving for sweet, sugary treats. In fact, he’d even go as far as to say he’s not at all a fan of candy. Well, much to his yet to be known delight, his partner Y/N takes that as a personal challenge.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your lovely request! So sorry it’s taken me so long to write and post it but here it finally is and I hope you come across it and read it despite the long time that’s passed. If you do, I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤ 

“Hey guys! Welcome back to my channel!“ Y/N gives the camera a wave and blows it a quick kiss with their lips stretched in a delighted grin. They clap their hands together, turning to look at their guest who’s sitting in a chair on their right, his face covered with a sticker in the final cut of the video that their viewers have the opportunity of watching. “Ok, before we address the elephant in the room, I’m gonna ask the elephant himself not to move his head too much cause this is already gonna take a long time to edit, the last thing I need is to animate that sticker over your face to follow your movement.“

“Got it, babe.“ A deep voice replies obediently, earning an approving hum in response. However, just as Y/N’s about to turn to face the camera again, the mysterious - ok, not THAT mysterious - guest leans down and plants a kiss on their cheek.

“Brat!“ They squeal as they turn to glare at the person with narrowed eyes. He doesn’t appear bothered at all, chuckling as he wraps his arms around them in an attempt to soften them up. Sadly, his tries fall through as they proceed to ignore his affection instead of reciprocating it for the sake of being petty, “Everyone, this is my boyfriend Corpse.“

“Hello, I am hand.“ Corpse says, slowly waving his hand at the camera, “I shall be your entertainment tonight.“

“Oh this is no entertainment, I have a point to prove here.“ Y/N argues, breaking free from his arms before they bend down to pick up one of the two boxes that are resting by their feet. “You see, Corpse and I got in a bit of a scrap last night...“ they trail off, distracted by the contents of the box that’s now resting on their lap.

“I didn’t think me admitting to not liking sweet stuff would provoke such a dramatic reaction from Y/N but here we are.“ He interferes, lifting a finger in the air as though that will help him be heard better or would protect him in case his partner decided to go off at him.

Y/N just ignores his input yet again, continuing to address the camera, aka their audience, “So as you guys may or may not know, my mom’s Korean and my dad’s Japanese. Since they live in their respective countries for work purposes, that means I’m always one phone call - and a little bit of a wait - away from Korean and Japanese snacks at all times. I’m a person who constantly has a snack by their side so you can bet I make that phone call often. However, about a week ago, I made that call specifically for candy, the brands I was obsessed with as a kid. I don’t know what came over me but I think it was my fortuneteller sense kicking in because this mister over here decided to CASUALLY bring up the fact that he doesn’t like candy.” They turn to glare at him before continuing, “Anyways, so luckily, the package arrived only recently so I haven’t had the time to tear open all the candy and eat it all by myself as I was planning to. That being said, today I’ll be in introducing Corpse to the world of Japanese and Korean candy - a tighter circle of it, to be specific: the candy I grew up with.” They finally turn to Corpse again, the look on their face significantly different and a lot more pleasant compared to the one they gave him a bit ago. “So, how are you feeling, babe? Are you excited?”

Although the man’s face is blocked to the viewers, Y/N can still see him and they are pretty damn close to bursting out in a fit of laughter.  “I don’t know how to feel, actually. I know you have peculiar taste so it’s either gonna be a fun experience or I’m gonna very displeased with what you’ll have me try.“

Y/N rolls their eyes, “Trust me, you won’t be.” They put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, only half humoring his nervousness, “You’ll only be trying six on camera, but my parents sent a ton more which you’ll be able to try later, ok? It was really hard for me to pick only six favorites by I don’t need this video crossing the twenty minute mark.”

With a heavy-hearted sigh, Corpse finally brings himself to rip the band-aid off and get this adventure started. “Ok cool, but don’t surprise me with anything, please. Show me what you had in mind to have me try so I can, you know, prepare myself.”

Y/N, who was busy taking out packets of candy just a moment ago suddenly stops in their movements to give him a look of disbelief, “You know none of these are poisonous, right? Like, I’m not trying to kill you or anything. There’s no cyanide, no rat poison...”

His laughter cuts them off, wrapping his arm around them and pulling them closer again, “I’m messing with you, babe. What you got for me?” He says, placing a quick kiss to their temple while sneaking a peek at the packaging of the candies they’re holding right now.

Wiggling a little looser in his grip, they first show him the three items before turning them to the camera, “These are from my mom, she sent them from Korea and they are triggering a massive wave of nostalgia right now, not gonna lie.” They giggle, adjusting the brightness a little so the products can be seen properly, “Ok so first we have the long biscuit sticks that come in many flavors but I asked for my favorite - green tea flavored, that is. Then we have Pumpkin Monaca which are probably one of my most favorite sweet treats of all time. I think you’re gonna really like them. And lastly from Korea we have these butter waffles which I used to eat for breakfast when I was running late for school - which happened often.”

Corpse snorts, “That doesn’t surprise me.”

His remark is overlooked as Y/N continues, now taking out three packets from the other package, “Now we’re moving on to my dad’s box. He didn’t disappoint either: we have soda-flavored jelly beans; Black Thunder chocolate bars which you’re only gonna steal one of because the rest are MINE; and last but definitely not least we have some classic milk candies.” Setting those down as well, they turn to Corpse yet again, this time giving his a mischievous smile that’s promising him trouble, “So, Mr. Corpse Husband, after this introduction, are you prepared to have your entire opinion o sweet food changed? And more importantly, are you prepared to develop an addiction to these treats?”

Corpse nods confidently, “Oh, I’m very prepared, thank you. Let’s just get on with it.”

Needless to say: boy, was he not as prepared as he thought he was.

It goes without saying Y/N proved their point and took the win today.

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[scentedcandlesandcookies]

So I was inspired by @mrpenguinpants (go check out their work I'm referring to below this paragraph) and wanted to do another genshin fic. The interactions here can be anything you want it to mean (besides qiqi ofc). Also this is very self indulgent.

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: Self hatred, self loathing, blood, depressing thoughts ig(?), momentary oblivion of you squint.

Also I'm on mobile so I'm so sorry for not being able to add a read more option!

Somehow you knew without knowing. You said things without needing to say it. A vessel of purity and wholeness. You had so much to give.

But how much was too much?

Qiqi called yours name on a rather sunny day. You were just about to head to Bubu Pharmacy when she ran up to them.

"Could you help me pick herbs? We always go together."

You knew what she meant in ways she couldn't convey. You were special to her, to everyone. You weren't aware of it though.

Knowing the worth of others was easier than knowing the worth of yourself.

"Of course, Qiqi, I'll always have time for you."

Qiqi loved your smile. It felt familiar. Qiqi saw you as an older sibling. She loved you in ways she couldn't express.

"I'm only good to be your ladder though! You know I'm not good with naming herbs!"

On a cooler day, Zhongli called you to have some tea with him. The both of you sat at a teashop watching the harbor through the open window.

The gentle breeze touched all uncovered parts of your skin. The smell of the sea dancing underneath your nose. The sunset painting a melancholic picture.

"The ocean looks sad today."

Zhongli looked at you rather confusedly. After promptly sipping his tea he responded.

"How can an ocean look sad? Something so old shouldn't be humanized."

The last sentence was more for himself than anything. You didn't know, but he sometimes loathed himself for all he'd done. He wondered if all the blood spilt was worth it.

You reminded him of Guizhong, so ready to see things in a new light without judgement. He often hears you sing to glaze lilies around Qingce.

"How could we forget what all the ancients did for us?"

A day after some much needed rain, you spotted Ganyu. Busy as ever, she was handling the unending work she often received. You decided to help out.

"Good morning, Ganyu. You seem to be someone who'd appreciate and extra pair of hands."

The joking atmosphere seemed to help lift the weight more than your hands. Ganyu giggled a bit.

"Some help would be much appreciated."

The rest of the day didn't feel like work. Ganyu felt the days of her childhood rushing back to her. Days without worry or work. Everything felt warmer, the sun began peeking its head out of the clouds.

"I'll do my best."

You visited Hu Tao on a gloomy day. The clouds were gray and it looked as if it was about to rain. You entered the doors of the funeral parlor with the permission of the ferrylady.

Unfortunately, Hu Tao wasn't feeling very Hu Tao that day. Walking into her office, she seemed lost in thought.

"Hu Tao?"

The gift of candies laud forgotten on the desk. You moved to place a hand on her shoulder. A gesture of your listening presence.

"They're just pranks, and I'm just trying to get business. Like everyone else, its just...different."

Pulling her in for a hug, just being a strong unbreakable pillar for her sake.

"They don't see all the things you do behind the scenes. That makes them immature, not you. I don't think they know why you do the things you do, and you know what? That's okay. You know what you're doing, and that's the best thing you could do. You're doing so well."

Liyue knew you so so well. An unbreakable pillar. A foundation that so many people needed.

What would happen if you ever crumbled? Well, that could never happen.

You visited Xiao on a rainy day. No heavy downpour, just a normal pitter-patter kind of rain.

You held a new dish in your hands, thinking that Xiao should try a new dish. Not to 'be more human' but to just try a different taste of life.

"Why are you still coming here? Its a long way from the harbor."

You simply smiled at the ground and put down the dish. Too afraid to sit on the railing, you opted for the floor.

"Being lonely isn't fun."

"As I thought, you're still so blind. Loneliness is my only company."

You laughed for a moment.

"Guess I should change my name to loneliness then."

You dared not to look at the mighty yaksha. You were just a pathetic human after all. Letting the dish sit in your lap, you outstretched your arms behind you.

"And you can't go around telling people they're blind! We all see things differently. You might think you need to spend eternity in loneliness, but we all crave to be loved or appreciated. Xiao, you're stuck with me."

You closed your eyes and turned towards Xiao, giving him a smile.

You felt the dish being taken from your lap and heard him sit next to you.

He began eating the warm soup.

Today was a bad day to go out. Heavy rain and a dark atmosphere. But you had commissions knocking against your income. You were preoccupied with something else though.

Everyone's busy. I really need some help but everyone's busy and I don't want to bother them.

You admired Qiqi for braving through her life as best as she could.

You admired Zhongli for his wise and comforting views on life.

You admired Ganyu's persistence in her work, but most importantly in herself.

You admired Hu Tao for being herself even when others shamed her for it.

You admired Xiao for living through such mundane life, day after day.

You wanted to be just like them, but you just couldn't do it on some days.

You wanted to hide. You wanted to bitch about your day. You wanted to give up. You wanted to hide yourself to avoid judgement. You wanted something different. Someone different.

Someone who wasn't you.

You never looked as good as everyone else. Your voice never sounded right. Your never seemed to be mentionable or noteworthy. And on some days you were okay with that.

Am I really going to be another grain of salt?

You trudged through the thick mud, ignoring the blisters on your feet. The rain seemed to taunt you as it settled in your clothes, your bones.

All you could taste was steel. You couldn't remember the last meal you ate. You felt so tired. You wanted to just stop everything.

But how could you? How could you when everyone else went on? It was just one last commission. They all have so much on their plate, you couldn't burden them anymore.

But your lungs burnt, you couldn't feel your fingers on your right hand. Where was your weapon? When did you lose your bag?

Why were your eyes so blurry? Everything sounded so loud. You just wanted to sleep. You were tired. You were trying so hard.

Why was it so fucking hard?

Why couldn't you do it? Why were you always so unsure? Why didn't you work as well as the others? Your feet moved by themselves. They weren't going fast enough. Your body wasn't good enough.

You're not enough.

You think you're at your destination. You don't know. Everything feels so unclear. Everything feels wrong.

Then there was warmth on your back. It was so warm, so comforting. It finally lulled you to sleep.

The millileth pulled the mitachurl's firey axe from the back of your corpse.

You were confused when you woke up. A girl with brown hair and a hat was frantically calling someone. You were in a lobby of sorts. There were others talking about people who left. They didn't look like people. They were see through.

See through just like you.

"Aiya! Why aren't you listening to me you idiot! You scared us! What happened?"

The girl seemed to be the only normal person here. Suddenly you felt like you've been ripped from that foggy place.

People were calling the same person's name again. Over and over. You were just trying to continue sleeping when you were violently shaken.

"Hey! Whats your problem!"

You shook the person off of you. A young man with a green tattoo and dark hair. A taller man with amber eyes and brown hair. A woman with horns and silky looking blue hair. That girl from before who wore the hat. A small girl with light purple hair and had a talisman on her hat.

"You're alive! Thank the archons! We were so worried when we heard the news! " The lady with the horns looked as if she was about to cry. You felt bad but the tension was awkward.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are."

Ty for reading! Leave a like and a comment if you enjoyed it! I hope some of yall picked up the hidden meanings hehehe~

Part two here:

#kei's work #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact xiao #genshin xiao #genshin impact #genshin qiqi #genshin impact qiqi #genshin impact hu tao #xiao #qiqi #hu tao #ganyu #zhongli #genshin zhongli #genshin ganyu #genshin hu tao #hu tao x reader #zhongli x reader #ganyu x reader #xiao x reader #yeet #tw self loathing #tw depression #tw self hatred #tw blood #idk how to do tags-

[hurting-fictional-people]

Betrayal Story - Part 6

Hii look at what I finally finished! sorry for taking so long to post this guys, I don't even have an explanation lol... I have something else already half written for the boys so hopefully I won't take so long to update the story again 🙃 anyways, I hope y'all like it <3

tagging @thelazywitchphotographer @swift-perseides @whump-it-like-its-hot @sunflower1000 @msrandonstuff @fromtheo-withlove @boxofsilence @lionhxartx @sometouchofmadness @paleassprince @livingforthewhump @1becky1 @shameful-indulgence @whatwhumpcomments @tropes-for-my-md-daydreams @starnight-whump @writingbackwards @noodlesandkareokee @mylifeisonthebookshelf @nightwhumpee

CW: forced sedation, manhandling, drugged whumpee, needle mention, aftermath of branding/burning

Part 1 here, continued from here

-

Liam can’t move. Every time he does, his arms do too and the mere brush of burned skin against pristine bandages is enough to get him on the verge of tears.

The room he’s kept in is too barren, too small to provide any kind of distraction from the constant pulse of pain – too much and never abating. No one listens or cares when he begs for medication, for anything to ease the agony. The doctor comes in to see him, give him antibiotics and check if there’s no infection, but barely looks at Liam when he whimpers under gloved hands.

The first time he takes a glance at the twisted skin underneath the wound dressing, a breathy, hysterical laugh slips out, quickly followed by a silent gasp as Chase’s initials weigh on his arms. He was always his, in the end, wasn’t he? Even after being betrayed and stabbed and kidnapped, he could never get the agent off his mind. Now he’ll be on Liam’s body as well.

It takes all of his willpower not to rip the dressings off once the doctor and nurses leave, just to stare at the hideous thing his arms are now.

But in the silent room, with nothing to do but think and despair, Liam can’t stop looking at the bandages.

He doesn’t know how long he spends staring at it – at the white itchy gauze, and the burns that hurt underneath it. At the C and the R he knows are forever burned on his skin. Like fucking cattle, marked with his owner’s name. Like the stupid boy who thought he could give his heart away to the beautiful, mysterious man that smiled at him. If nothing else, it is a good reminder of how big of a fool Liam is. If he lives long enough for it to be useful, that is. If Jonah doesn’t decide he’s had enough of Liam soon.

Horror floods him at the thought, and when his heart speeds up, Liam can’t hold it any longer. He pulls off the bandages in one swift movement, holding his breath when a wave of fire licks his arms. It doesn’t stop him from ripping out the second bandage though.

His hands tremble on his lap as Liam stares at the skin above his wrists, red with blood and raw skin disfigured into letters. It looks just as ugly as it feels.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until a tear drips on his thigh. And then another and one more, until he’s openly sobbing, chest heaving and stomach twisting.

Lost in tears and the sight of burned skin that sinks into his heart and burns everything there too, Liam only realizes there are people in the room when a hand grabs his forearm.

“What did you do? I just bandaged that,” the nurse complains.

This time, this one time, he moves. Liam yanks his arm away from their grasp and stumbles out of the bed, away from the nurse that stares at him with wide eyes and a startled frown.

“D-d-don’t touch me,” he hisses, holding his hands as close to his chest as he can, and hissing again when sore skin rubs against his shirt. “Stay the fuck away!”

But instead of moving back or so much as talking to him, the nurse calls for the guards and starts walking in his direction.

Liam takes a step backward and presses his back against the wall, wild eyes searching for an escape, a weapon, anything, but salvation is nowhere near. “Please, don’t. Leave me alone.”

When the guards open the door and enter the room, Liam slides to the ground, as small as he can make himself, elbows on his knees, arms protecting his head.

“Get off!” he screams when hands grab at him, and thrashes in the hold. His foot connects with soft flesh, his knee with someone’s chin, but there are too many men. Too many hands for too little strength, no matter how desperately Liam fights.

They drag him through the floor as Liam writhes with every last bit of stamina he has, panic driving him to fight like he wishes he could every time he’s hurt.

A different kind of pain blooms as he squirms uselessly in unforgiving grips – one deeper, familiar, warmer. Liam still doesn’t stop.

“Fuck, he reopened the stab wound,” someone shouts over the cacophony of pain and panicked struggling. “Hold him down, now!”

Liam is pushed to the floor, and when someone squeezes both his arms to keep him there, right over the exposed burns, the world turns red, and a scream tears its way out of his throat.

“No, no, no, get off!” he sobs, kicking out even when a needle sinks into his arm. “n-n-nggh off, get, get o-off,” he tries again, but the world is already slipping through his fingers. He kicks out and thrashes as best as he can, but it isn’t enough. There are stronger bodies over him and the movement is barely there at all.

As much as Liam tries to keep his eyes open, they weigh too heavy, the drugs stronger than he is.

What isn’t?

Liam’s body relaxes against his will, slumps under harsh hands and angry stares, and all he can do is whimper when they drag his limp body to the bed.

-

Chase moves through life like a ghost, only a shell of helplessness and worry, and for the first time, his team notices. He hasn’t slept in days, not with Liam’s face twisted in agony ready to wake him up each time he closes his eyes. Has barely eaten, no appetite left when all he can think about is the boy he loves being hurt on his account.

How can he be free when Liam is locked up? How can he be the one who isn’t hurting when he is the only one who ever deserved it?

“Come on, I know that there’s something wrong,” Zoey says, crossing her arms.

If he could simply flee, he would, but with the hacker standing right in front of him, Chase knows it isn’t worth it. Even if he did leave, she wouldn’t stop trying to get the truth out of him. So Chase sighs and looks down at the blond woman who looks ready to commit murder.

“We all know it. You look like shit. What’s going on?”

It takes all of his strength to plaster a smirk on his lips and lean against the wall with a casual tilt of his head. “You guys worry too much. I’m fine, Zo. Probably could do with a little more sleep, but who couldn’t?”

As convincing as he hopes he sounds, Zoey doesn’t seem at all impressed by his acting. If anything, her frown deepens. “I know you, Chase. And you know me, so you know you can trust me. You look even worse than you did after that mission with the newspaper boy.”

Newspaper boy. If that was all Liam meant for him, maybe Chase’s heart wouldn’t be this tattered.

“Zoey. I am okay, I p– I promise.”

I never lied to you, he had said to Liam as he bled out in Chase’s arms. I betrayed you, yes, but not once did I lie. Stay alive and I’ll prove it to you.

But that was just another lie, wasn’t it? Liam is as alive as ever, and all Chase’s done is cause him more pain than any of them ever imagined possible. All he’s proven is his failure to keep Liam safe.

What is another lie when he’s already filled with them? Maybe that’s all he was always meant to be, all he will ever be – a betrayer. A traitor. A liar.

With a casual shrug that makes his stomach twist, Chase sidesteps his teammate. Before he can move farther away though, she grabs his arm and pulls him back.

“You are good at lying, but I can see the way your eyes have gone dull. I’m not going to force you to say it, but when you get tired of pretending to be fine, I’ll be here. Okay?” When Chase doesn’t answer, she takes a deep breath and nods. Zoey leaves him standing there, feeling dirty and raw, something stirring inside his chest and begging him to tell her everything.

Chase opens his mouth, the truth one breath away, and takes a step towards Zoey’s back. And then his phone buzzes, and reality comes crashing back as he looks at the screen and she disappears down the corridor.

Wanna see him?

It’s the first message he’s gotten from Jonah in days, and Chase holds his breath and freezes for a second at the words.

He’s rushing to his car even before his mind has caught up with his legs.

He’s standing in front of Jonah’s building in a matter of minutes, heart racing but mind weirdly quiet. Static silence, fear building up.

Jonah waits for him in the lobby this time, leaning against the open door of the elevator with a smile on his lips.

“Chase! Long time no see.”

“Where is he?”

“Straight to the point, huh. Boring as ever,” Jonah rolls his eyes. “I was feeling generous today, thought you might want to say hello. I’m not sure our dear boy will answer you, but you can try for yourself I guess.”

“What the fuck did you do?” Chase hisses as Jonah nods for him to get inside and presses the button.

“Nothing bad. He was just fussing about the pain, so my nurses gave him have a little something to relax.”

Chase steps into the elevator, two guards close behind, and fears he’ll shatter his jaw from how hard he’s clenching it.

“He also doesn’t really like his new… adornments, I don’t think. Ripped the bandages earlier today, wet the whole bed with tears.”

Jonah’s voice is light as he says it, the tone one would use to talk about something meaningless, something that doesn’t make Chase sink his nails into his palms and hold his breath. The man’s eyes are the telltale, shining with dark glee, and Chase can see the way Jonah follows his every movement like a predator, reveling at the little cracks in his unruffled façade.

“So when I offered him something to calm down, he didn’t even think before accepting,” he continues.

The doors slide open before any of them can say anything else. A small mercy.

The walk to Liam’s room is as quick as it is infinite. They stop in front of the door so incredibly soon, yet so painfully late.

“Be nice to him, I think he’s going through a phase,” Jonah chuckles as he nods for one of his men to unlock the door. “And don’t forget that this is your fault, dear.”

He barely realizes he’s entered the room until the lock clicks behind him. And then Chase’s eyes find Liam, and the world stops on its tracks, just like it always does when they are in the same room together.

He’s lying on his back, arms open and hands hanging off the bed, bandages covering the skin from Liam’s elbows to his wrists. His eyes are open, but unfocused, slow blinks that lead to nowhere even when Chase takes the first step towards him. His chest rises and falls slowly, rhythmically, a shallow blow of air through parted lips, and despite everything, Chase is happy that Liam isn’t in pain.

It is only when he stops beside the bed that Liam’s head lolls on the pillow, a sunflower looking for the sun even though no real light can reach him here. Still, he looks, and half-lidded eyes roam around the room before finally stopping on Chase’s face.

“Hey,” Chase says, curling one hand into a fist while the other clutches the edge of the bed.

“Mmgh,” Liam slurs with a shuddering breath and a crease on his forehead before trying again. “I, mm, I’m not, n-uh not feeling… well.”

“How can I help?” Chase’s voice is hoarse and low, pained, but Liam hears it. He hears it and he whimpers, shaking his head no.

Make it stop, his mouth forms, but doesn’t voice.

I can’t, Chase wants to scream, I’d give anything to make it all stop but I can’t. Instead, he softens his voice and tries to smile. “What if I do something to distract you? I… I was told you are under some strong drugs.”

Green eyes blink at him, and Chase is happy there are only the two of them in the room. He might actually lose it and punch Jonah square in the face if the man was here.

“How about I tell you a story? You’ve always liked them.”

Liam swallows, eyes darting around the room again, and even though Chase knows he isn’t listening, not really, he sits on the edge of the bed and starts talking.

“It’s about a boy who thought he could change the world, but instead changed the person who was sent to stop him.”

“Sou-sounds like a shit story,” Liam mumbles.

“Depends on how you look at it. Or who’s the one telling it, I guess.”

There’s a pause, and Liam sighs softly before talking again.

“Are you… are, are you really… here?”

The words slam into his chest, shattering anything left in there, and though Chase holds himself firmly still and keeps his face carefully free from anything but tenderness, something collapses inside of him. Maybe it’s his heart. It feels like it, and he wants to cry, to grab Liam and leave, but he can’t, and Liam strains to focus on his eyes, so Chase smiles like there isn’t burning agony rippling through him.

“Do you want me to be?”

“I, I don’t, I don’t know.” It is only a murmur, but Chase knows he’ll hear its echo in his nightmares for a long time – the uncertainty, the fear, the sadness. The helplessness.

I’m here. I would be here forever if I could.

But the words are only that – words. He can’t be here forever, nor erase all the pain he’s caused and continues to cause. So Chase picks up the pieces of his heart and pretends it doesn’t hurt to smirk and brush Liam’s hair away from his forehead like he used to do so long ago.

If he can’t take Liam away from this nightmare, the least he can do is pretend it is a dream.

“Then you should stop dreaming about me.”

“Ca-can’t,” Liam frowns, staring at the hand Chase just touched him with. “Will, will you leave? Again?”

“Only if you want me to.”

Liam looks up again, and something is missing in those eyes. A spark of life that was still there the last time they saw each other, but isn’t now. As Chase searches for the hope he always loved in the depths of Liam’s gaze, what he finds instead is sadness.

“Don’t go,” Liam breathes. “I, I, my h-head, it it it feels weird, Chase.”

“I know, love,” Chase says calmly, nothing of the wild desperation that rages inside of him seeping through the words. Not when Liam is this lost, this vulnerable. Not when it is the first time he has called Chase by his name after the betrayal. “It’ll pass.”

“I’m scared,” he murmurs, shifting on the bed. “But, I, I don’t remember… why.”

“You are okay, Liam. I promise. You’ll be okay.”

Liam closes his eyes and shakes his head, and when he speaks, his voice is only a whisper, gone even before he finishes. “I don’t believe you.”

Chase bites on his lip and creases his forehead, but none of it shows when he takes Liam’s hand in his own and gives it a little squeeze.

“I know. That’s okay too.”

But Liam isn’t there anymore to hear it. His body sags on the bed, taken away by the drugs, and Chase is left alone in Liam’s cell, watching the boy he’d kill and die for fall asleep. As he does, all Chase can think about is that he needs to get Liam out of here. Somehow, he needs to get him away, no matter the cost of it.

An hour goes by, and though it is one of the worst hours of Chase’s life, is it the first time he doesn’t feel like a part of his heart is bleeding in days. Not when he can see the bleeding part right in front of him.

He wants to wake Liam up, to hear his voice while he can, before he’s forced to leave again. But there’s peace on his face as he sleeps, and Chase can’t take him back to reality when he looks like he used to, like he could wake up at any moment and kiss Chase with a smile.

And then the door opens, and the memories vanish as Chase reluctantly gets up. As soon as he does though, Liam stirs on the bed, frail hand reaching out and grabbing Chase’s wrist before he can move away.

“You promised me… a… um, a story.”

Liam’s eyes open for a moment before closing again, but he doesn’t let go. Chase shoots one look at the guards waiting by the door and knows that nothing good will happen if he waits. He has to play nice if he wants to get Liam out.

Chase looks down at Liam again, and when he finds half-lidded eyes struggling to stay open, he can’t stop his voice from breaking mid-sentence.

“It’ll have to stay for another time, okay? I’ll see you soon, love.”

Liam’s eyes flutter back closed with a soft sigh. His voice is soft as the tears that sting Chase’s eyes when he speaks. “You al–, you always leave in real life too.”

Chase can’t find an answer before he is dragged out of the room by a firm grip he knows better than to fight. He yanks his arm away as soon as the door locks him and Liam on different sides, and hears the words rattling around his head while he is lead to sit in Jonah’s office to hear what the man wants next. All the way back to his house.

He doesn’t think when he calls Zoey. All he hears is Liam.

All he can see is Liam’s lost gaze, the life fading out of his eyes. All he knows is that if he lets him in Jonah’s claws one more second without doing anything, he might actually, truly, crumble down until he can’t pull himself back up.

He is sitting on his couch, hands over his face and elbows on his knees just like they have been since he got home, when his friend opens the door.

“Oh, Chase,” she breathes as soon as she sees his face and sits beside him. “What happened?”

He doesn’t get to crumble down. Not when it’s Liam the one being hurt. The one branded and tortured and kidnapped and betrayed. Still, when Zoey’s gentle arms wrap around him, he hugs her back.

“It’s Liam,” he says, fighting to get the words out through his heaving breaths, trying to force his mind to put them together long enough for someone else to know it too because he can’t do this on his own. He thought he could, he thought he was enough, but he isn’t and he needs to get Liam out, no matter what, no matter how, he has to, he has to before the light goes out in that beautiful green gaze. “He, I, he’s caught and it’s my fault and I thought I could keep him safe but I can’t and now–“

“Chase, breathe,” she commands, and he answers. It’s all he knows how to do, isn’t it? Answer orders. Look at what happens when he’s left on his own. “Let’s start from the begging.”

So Chase does.

(next)

#whump #whump writing #drug whump #noncon drugging #forced sedation #hostage whump #needle cw #captivity #hostage situation #betrayal story #angst #manhandling #aw look at chase finally doing something :') go on babe stop sitting around and letting your boy be tortured #pity liam is not gonna remember any of this later :) and will continue to think chase left him there :) yeah such a pity :))) #so what do y'all think of zoey? i didn't want to introduce another character because who cares lol but chase really needs the help

[tangledinmdzs]

arms & arms - mdzs characters hcs

a requested continuation of this post here.

this is a second part under the same premise but with more characters!!

Jiang Cheng ❀✿＊*

this is your first time on a boat

and it was quite the sight

you’re standing at the very tip of the moving boat, floating gently down the river to meet the river port

you’re happy that you’ve decided to follow Jiang Wanyin on this expedition and get over your fear of the water

because now, when you look out to the scenery without worries

it’s much more enjoyable

though that thought gets slightly dashed when the boat tilts dangerously from a light current, probably from a large fish/animal passing by

because you’re at the front of the boat, you don’t have anything close to grab onto 

and you’re scared you’re going to fall

but luckily, just as you were teetering

arms wrap themselves around your waist quickly, pulling you back into a broad chest

you’re too startled from your near fall to really realize the close contact that you are engaging in with your sect leader

only when the short yelp finishes 

and you realize that the boat is steady again

do you open your eyes

you’re clutching, a death grip actually, on the arm around your waist

and your breath comes out in slow gasps

and really you don’t even realize who it is that saved you until the voice speaks up from behind you

“are you alright?” 

you let out another surprised yelp at the sound of your esteemed sect leader’s question, nearly flinging yourself into the water (that you had TRIED not to fall into) 

luckily, Jiang Wanyin is quick and once again pulls you back from falling off the boat, for a second time,

he holds you steady, a firm back hug to keep you in place

“you have to be more careful,” Jiang Wanyin reminds you, voice low by your ear

“ i-i am. i usually am, sect leader,” you reassure, though you can’t really think straight with how close he is to you

“hm, i’ll keep a hold on you until we get to the pier. just in case you try to fall again” 

“it wasn’t intentional!” you tell him

you’re happy that that gets a little laugh out of him

Nie Mingjue ❀✿＊*

you’re hanging up the laundry for the day, doing your normal day’s work

the high noon sun is beaming down on you, the optimal time for drying your wet clothes

usually, your pace was pretty fast with these small chores

but today, most of the other maids had left the brunt of work to you, running off early to enjoy the festivities of the town happening in the afternoon

but you don’t mind as much as you do

it’s not as if you would have gone to the festivities anyways

but damn, this sheet for the guest bedroom is so heavy

you huff a bit with the effort of throwing it over the bamboo hanging racks in the court yard

it takes you about a few tries but you manage to get it half on the rack at your fifth try

you take a small breather, beginning to slowly maneuver it well so that it doesn’t fall off the rack again

and perhaps the sunlight had been shining too brightly

because that would be the only explanation for you not realizing someone had come up behind you

you startle as toned black robed arms enter your vision, easily fixing the heavy sheet

in your surprise you stumble back deeper into the person behind you

and with the heavy sheet fixed, an arm holds your waist in a half back hug situation

when you look down at the arm of the robes, you know who it is in an instant

“sect leader,” you jump out of the arms that hold you, immediately

when you turn around you bow deeply

“i’m so sorry for my incompetence,” you apologize for your behavior, for the chores

because if you couldn’t even do this much on your own, how were you to stay in his sect-

“why are you doing so much alone?” Nie Mingjue surprises you by saying

you look up from you bow, staring up at him

“it’s really not much...”

“let me help you”

and you stand, wide eyed as your stoic leader bends down to wring some of the excess water from your wet sheets and helps you 

Meng Yao ❀✿＊*

sunsets were beautiful from the room that you were in, 

well, these were the moments that you looked forward to seeing most 

since you couldn’t really leave the bedchambers you were confided to 

you were used to being alone

which was why

when arms wrap around you from behind

you’re easily scared

but at your fear, Meng Yao just pats a reassuring warm palm at the edge of your waist, before moving to enclose your entire waist 

“you’ve waited long?” he asked you gently

you let out a melancholy huff

“i have...” 

you feel his other hand moving your long locks at the back of your head aside to catch the nape of your neck

a ghost of a kiss lingers there

faster than you can even reminisce

yet,

it almost feels enough to make up for the hours of loneliness you’ve had

Mo Xuanyu ❀✿＊*

you did not expect to be held, at least not as abruptly as you were

you had just stepped into the big manor after all

but suddenly,

arms had reached out and held yours tightly

and even though you hadn’t even turned around

you could tell that the person behind you was shaking

“excuse me-” 

“h-help...” the person behind you manages to stutter out

you furrow your eyebrows in confusion only to hear fast foot steps approaching you

the person behind you cowers

and you hear a very physical whimper as the grip moves from your arm to circling around you entirely

“Xuanyu! you crazy lunatic! that isn’t a way to treat a guest!” a broad, burly looking man shouts running up to you

“let the lady go-”

and you had never been a damsel in distress, not with your abilities

you free one hand from the fearful grip that Xuanyu (you now know) has on you to hold your arm out

your gesture stops the servants from ambushing the poor kid, clinging to you 

“y/n-guniang, forgive this indecent behavior of this child. he’d been dropped when he was a kid, so he’s a little wonky” 

you stare at the burly man approaches you and Xuanyu, cowering even behind your shield

“you...” you hear the man whisper under his breath and in seconds the arms clinging to you release

you turn around, catching sight of the hard way that the man’s big hand digs into the child’s shoulder, forcing him harshly onto his knees before you

“apologize!” the man says, hand leveling to deliver a smack

on his knees, Xuanyu flinches, 

you stop the man’s hand before it makes contact

“y/n-guniang-”

“i will speak to your mother inside, leave me here for a moment,” you tell the burly man that now you figure out is the young master of the manor

a pause passes before he huffs a haughty huff at you, ripping his hand out of your grip and then waving at his servants and maids to follow

they’re quick to disperse,

and you’re soon left with just Xuanyu,

still kneeled, head bowed at your feet

you squat down in front of the young boy, trying to catch his eye

when he looks up at you, you truly get the full sight of him

matted hair, dirty face and sunken eyes

a quick glance over his robes shows how poorly treated he is, and some of the skin by the ripped pieces of his clothes are bruised

you sigh, moving your hand out to him

at the sight he flinches, cowers and lowers his head at your raised hand

your heart aches

when your hand lands, feather soft on the top of his head, it starts Xuanyu more than he could have imagined

he looks up at you right away, this foreign feeling of gentleness

you brush a strand of dry hair away from the child’s face, already thinking of a way of rescuing him from this place

#mdzs headcanons #mdzs #mdzs character headcanons #mdzs reader insert #mdzs reader #mdzs x reader #mdzs x y/n #mdzs reader inserts #mdzs self insert #mdzs self inserts #mdzs imagines #mdzs imagine #mdzs scenarios #mdzs scenario #mdzs reaction #mdzs reactions #mdzs drabble #mdzs jiang cheng x reader #mdzs nie mingjue x reader #mdzs meng yao x reader #mdzs mo xuanyu x reader #mdzs canon au #mdzs au #jiang cheng x reader #nie mingjue x reader #meng yao x reader #mo xuanyu #mo xuanyu x reader #the untamed x reader #cql x reader

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

TOSHIYA AT JOE YOKOMIZO CHANNEL 4th FEB TRANSLATION/NOTES 1/4

Joe Yokomizo Channel

Guest: Toshiya (Dir en grey)

Notes before reading: This is the translation/notes of the first part of the livestream on Joe’s Niconico channel with Toshiya as a guest last 4th February.   The livestream was one hour and fifty min approx. and this part covers the first 45 min approx. before getting into the premium corner. You can watch this at Joe Yokomizo’s channel on Niconico.  Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS are appreciated :) ------- Joe: Thank you for waiting. I’m Joe, the host of this Niconico livestream of the program Music&Talk by Joe Yokomizo’s channel, thank you for watching….Today, well,  I was told that there are many people watching us right now, oh, you all have already started to write comments….thank you….

Joe explains how the program is going to be divided,  the first part will be available for everyone but the premium part will be only available for the members of his channel.

Joe: In the middle of the program, we will get into the premium part. In that part, I’m going to comfortably drink with the guest person here while we have a deep talk. It would be great if you could watch the whole program! Then, without making you wait any longer, I’m going to introduce tonight’s guest…..Would you like to introduce yourself?....tonight’s guest is….this person!....please…

Toshiya: I’m Dir en grey’s bassist, Toshiya… thank you for having me….

Joe: Thank you! *claps* You finally came, Toshiya!

Toshiya: I did!

Joe: You came, thank you!

Toshiya: Yes

Joe: Before starting the program, you told me that you hated appearing in the media…

Toshiya: Yes, I hate it…

Joe: *laughs* Do you hate it?

Toshiya: Yes.

Joe: Do you hate talking (in public)?

Toshiya: Yes

Joe: You hate it….as today there are many people watching, I think that we should go hard at the members section (premium part) …..please, let’s do it…..

Toshiya: Please…

Joe: First of all, about the state of emergency…..*cuts* Oh, comments are already coming……”Toshiya is so cool”….thank you for writing comments…..ah, yes yes….If you have any questions, please write them down because at the premium part the staff is going to hand some to me and we are going to have a question corner…please write many comments!.....so….about the emergency state we are in since last 7th January…..what you have being doing?

Toshiya: Recently…..what was it?....we finished recording “Oboro”…..

Joe: Oh, did you finish the recording?

Toshiya: Yes

Joe: I see…. after that, it’s time for the mixing….

Toshiya: Yes

Joe: Then…for example…. today…. what did you do today?

Toshiya: Today…...mmmm…..well, it’s related….started the pre-production of another (song)….

Joe: I see, you are already into the next pre-production (stage)….

Toshiya: Yes,  it’s one from the album….

Joe: Is that so? I’m sure we are going to be happy with the information coming from Dir en grey from now on….

Toshiya: That’s it.

Joe: By the way, this is not really an important question but, what time do you usually get up in the morning?

Toshiya: What time would it be?....mmm…usually it’s random…

Joe: *laughs* Random…..you don’t have a pattern like, “I’m going to be up at this time”….

Toshiya: I’d say so…that’s it but….I usually wake up at 4-5 in the morning….

Joe: Eh….then you go to sleep early, right?

Toshiya: Yes, I try to go to bed early… Joe: That’s good for your  body…… Toshiya: *Nods* Joe: Like at 10-11 pm, for example? Toshiya: More or less, I'm about to sleep at that time…. Joe: Oh, I see…..”Are you sleeping properly?” , they are asking that (at the comments), are you? Toshiya: I don’t know….I think I do….*laughs* Joe: I… As I’m old, even if I fall sleep, I wake up easily….like 2-3 times during the night I have to go to pee….it’s really annoying…. Toshiya: Ahh… Joe: You still don’t know about that, right? *laughs* Toshiya: That’s right….*Joe laughs* Sometimes I wake up….once or twice…. Joe: You do wake up once or twice…. Toshiya: Then, I’m like…should I sleep again? Or so…it’s like….”what should I do?”…. Joe: I see….*pointing at the comments* it seems that happens to a proportion of the people watching us…..so, now with the corona….how is it called?.....are you doing weight lifting for your upper body? Toshiya: No, I can’t go… Joe: You can’t? Then, are you losing muscle? Toshiya: I think so… Joe: Is that so? Usually, do you do it at home? Toshiya: Usually I go to the gym, but since Corona, I don’t feel like going…. Joe: Certainly…. certainly… Toshiya: Doing it by myself it’s ok but, sometimes I think “I don’t feel like doing it” and I end up not doing it….. Joe: I see. Are you losing chest muscle mass? Toshiya: That’s right, I will do my best ( to get it back)…. I will do my best… Joe: But, it’s amazing your (makes a gesture of wide shoulders)….ah, they are asking if you work out at home… Toshiya: Sometimes I do. Joe: The first time I went to a Dir en grey live and I got into the dressing room, where was it? Was it in Osaka? I think it was Nagoya… Toshiya: Yes Joe remembers that at that performance, before the show, he saw some work out equipment and he thought that those were Toshiya’s. Toshiya replies that it was probably another member’s stuff. Joe: is that so? I totally thought it was yours… Toshiya: Among the members, I’m the first one getting into he dressing room, while I’m getting ready there (changing clothes), I start to work out a bit… Joe: Muscle training? *Toshiya nods* How did you get into muscle training? Toshiya: Well, it’s was mostly because I have a hernia in my neck and lower back/waist. Joe: Ohh, is that so? Toshiya: It’s because of that. At that time….my height is  180-181 cm ….and at that time, about 20 years ago, my weight was about 58 kg…. Joe: Very skinny…*laughs* Toshiya: I was really skinny…. Joe: Being 180 cm tall and that weight….you were really skinny… Toshiya: I felt like trying to gain weight and get over 60…I was really skinny….I couldn’t eat…. Joe: You didn’t have money *laughs*… Toshiya: Yes, I couldn’t eat *laughs* Joe: As you didn’t have money, you couldn’t….*laughs* Toshiya: Then, at that time, at lives we would perform in a rough/violent way…it was like that, so as expected that wasn’t good for me… Joe: That’s right… Toshiya: Yes, then….my neck and my back snapped…. Joe: Ehhhhhhhh that sounds painful…. Toshiya: *Laughs* Joe: They snapped? Toshiya: They did… Joe:   That sound is really unpleasant…. Toshiya: It’s just…. something I can’t forget…that was at Meguro Rockmaykan…. Joe: Oh, that happened there? Toshiya: Yes yes. We played at Yokohama Arena and I think it was the next day? there was a secret live at Rockmaykan. At the end of it,  after shaking my head, my back cracked….*Joe squeals*I couldn’t move, I was like *makes the gesture of holding the bass* my neck and so….I could move my body just this way *moves a little bit*…like paralyzed… Joe: Ahhh, isn’t that hell? Toshiya: Yes, as I couldn’t move… I was just moving my hand *makes the gesture of playing bass, Joe laughs* Then, Rockmaykan’s dressing room is really narrow/small *Joe says he has been there* so I went up the stairs as I could, doing my best….at the dressing there is a long couch, I lied down there…fans were asking for an encore… Joe: As usual… Toshiya: While we were doing it, they called al ambulance for me and they told the fans to not go out and closed the doors while they were taking me in…. Joe: Ouhhh that happened at Rockmaykan?? Toshiya: Yes. I’m scared of Rockmaykan…. Joe: By the way, what’s your current weight? You said you were 58kg at the time of this back incident… Toshiya: I’m around….67kg….yes, 67kg… Joe: How many kilos do you lift? Toshiya: Nothing really heavy…. … Joe: So, I think that everyone wants to hear many things about you today, and they wrote many questions that we are going to discuss in the premium part. Now, Joe wants Toshiya to write a kanji that describes how he is as a person. He hands Toshiya a sheet and a pen and ask viewers to write in the comments what kanji do they think that represents Toshiya.  Joe is reading what people is writing at the comments and Toshiya seems to struggle and laughs softly. Toshiya: So poorly (done)…. It seems that he messed up writing the kanji and uses a new sheet of paper. Joe: Are you ok? Are you ok?....he is rewriting it… Toshiya: I’m sorry… Joe laughs seeing Toshiya still struggling with the pen and says we are going to see the kanji that Toshiya wrote. Toshiya shows the kanji to the camera:  怠け (Lazy) Joe: Lazy…..are you a lazy person? Toshiya: I am a lazy person…. Joe: You don’t look like that at all! Toshiya: I’m lazy. Joe: What are you lazy about? Toshiya: Everything….*They both laugh* Everything…. Joe: Everything? Like, if you have to prepare a meal, you don’t do it…things like that Toshiya: No,no…I do that…. Joe: You do? Then, when are you lazy? Toshiya: Well, I’m just lazy…. Joe: But lazy people usually have a chubby belly and so…. that’s my image of a lazy person… Toshiya: I wouldn’t say so… Joe: I wonder what your lazy side is… Toshiya: What would it be…. Joe: It’s more like, you are a laid-back person? Toshiya: Mmmm, I’m a bit like that too… Joe: Doing muscle training you don’t look like a lazy person at all… Toshiya: Is that so? Then, let’s just keep that image… Joe: *laughs* It’s a way to keep up appearances…but truth is that you are lazy…. Toshiya: I think that I’m lazy…. Joe says that as they are going to drink at the premium part, he is going to rip apart that image and find out about Toshiya’s laziness. Toshiya: That’s it Joe: Please watch it…. well, you talked about that incident that happened to your back at Rockmaykan but soon,  the film screenings of a Dir en grey live at  Meguro Rockmaykan is going to start. Would it be ok to take a survey and ask the viewers? I’m going to ask the staff to make a survey? Joe proceeds to read the dates of the film screening, starting in Kanagawa prefecture on the 16th and ending at Nanba hatch in Osaka on 7th April. Joe: What do you think about these screening? How many are you going to attend? we are going to ask that in the survey. *asking the staff* Is it already on screen? Oh, there it is… The survey appears on the screen. There are five options. Joe asks Toshiya if this is the second time, they do this (film screenings) and how does he feel about fans attending to them. Toshiya says it makes him happy that fans come. Joe: Let’s see the results of the survey…*reads the results* 1. I am going to all of them 1% 2. I am going to multiple screenings 54.1% 3. I’m going to one 19.4% 4. I’m going to buy a ticket after this 6.1% 5. I’m not going 19.4% Joe: Due to Corona, it’s hard for some people to attend this. About the screening, Joe says that they played at Meguro Rockmaykan and recorded the live, which is going to be the content of the screening. He asks Toshiya about how he felt about the performance and Toshiya replies that he couldn’t move at all, which surprises Joe. Toshiya says that it was because they are not playing lives recently, the venue is tiny but also because his body remembers what happened years ago, so he doesn’t have a fond memory of the venue even though he is  thankful that people are looking forward to it and watch the footage. Toshiya: In my head, I see what I want to do, this or that, but it’s like I can’t reach the place that I imagine. There is nothing after that. Joe: I see, you can imagine it in your head but at lives, but at lives, to put the icing on the cake…. Toshiya says that at a live, there is an exchange of energy with the audience as well as among the members, and as there is no audience, that it’s not happening. Joe: It’s feels like you are just gathering and rehearsing with the members, instead of feeling like a concert….*Toshiya nods* Toshiya: This (situation) is really deadly awful…. Joe: Is that so?....they are saying that they feel the same at the comments but, until now, you have done the things that you could do in this situation… Toshiya: That’s true but, all the things we are doing now, it’s like there is no a next step….how could I say it?...it feels like there is nothing ahead… Joe: I see. Of course, if you have an audience, there is a reaction from them… Toshiya: If there is an audience….how could I say it?....it’s an stimulus…it’s feels like….”let’s do this”….when it’s a live without audience…..somehow….it’s like my own fight….I’m just fighting by myself….so what’s the point of it? Joe: I see. Joe says that when they play in front of a audience, they get a reaction back so they know what’s the next step, Toshiya agrees and adds that in that aspect, the fans going to the live screening and being able to see their reaction, makes him feel better about it. Joe says that they can play lives in real time, so fans can only watch a recorded live in a screen, but, on the contrary, they (the band) can see their reaction and think about what’s coming next. Toshiya: In that sense, I think it’s ok… Joe: This is the third time you do something like this right? The first time was last March when you did the live stream, and the second and the third time is in this way, a film screening…. They discuss about the difference between doing it as a live stream instead of a film screening. Toshiya: The feeling of the livestream was really interesting…it’s a bit different than playing live but when it’s something recorded…. Joe: I understand. It’s the same for me at the radio. When I’m broadcasting live the feeling is totally different. Toshiya: I don’t know why….but it feels different….*laughs* In the end, Toshiya says that both options are different and he doesn’t know which one is more interesting but he wants to play live sometimes. They discuss that, a recorded live feels like listening to an album. Joe: You usually make an album and then play it live…but in these circumstances you can’t…. Then, the dates for the screening appear on screen and Joe reads them. Joe: “Toshiya are you coming to Sapporo?”, they are asking that….*Toshiya laughs* Answer them… Toshiya: *cross arms* Huuuummm….. Joe: Huummmm huuummmm…. I don’t understand what do you mean…. .”Come to Shinkiba!”….are you going? Toshiya: *cross arms* Huuuummm…..*Joe and Toshiya laugh* Joe: “Please come!”…. Nanba hatch….”Come to Nanba hatch!” are you going? Toshiya: *cross arms* Huuuummm…..*They laugh again” Joe: Birthday….ohhhh….is it your birthday? Toshiya: On 31st March…. the day of Sapporo screening… Joe: Oh, Sapporo’s date…. This…. You can’t answer that….you can’t answer…. Toshiya: That’s right…somehow, its like…I can’t say it *pouts*… The way that Toshiya said it, makes Joe laughs hard. Joe: So your birthday is on 31st March… Toshiya: That’s right… Joe: At the end of the month…. Toshiya: Right… Toshiya says that when he was little, as his birthday was usually during the spring break, he barely got any memories of celebrating it. When he got older and started playing in a band, he gets many birthday wishes/greetings and he is thankful for that. Joe says that he must feel really happy receiving many birthday wishes from many people. Toshiya nods. They both laugh about being happy when they receive  birthday wishes but getting older doesn’t make them so happy lol. Toshiya: But at this age, birthdays gradually get.... Joe: True. As I’m in my 50s, it feels like a countdown to death....

Toshiya: Yes, it’s like, I’m happy but.... Joe: So your birthday is going to be on a screening day…. Toshiya: Yes.  When there is a live (on my birthday), it raises my mood…. Joe: That’s it. But you don’t know if you are going or not to the Sapporo screening… After encouraging people to go to the film screening, Joe says we are going to watch a music video. Joe: We are going to watch a Dir en grey video….the title of the video….oh we didn’t tell Toshiya which video is….*Toshiya laughs* It’s the latest single music video the one we are going to watch… Toshiya: Is that so? Please, go ahead (to Joe) Joe: Please introduce it…. Toshiya: No,no….please go ahead…. Joe:  Well, this is the video, everyone please watch it… (Ochita koto no aru Sora Promotional video plays) Joe: Well, there are comments saying that in the end we didn’t introduce the song….so please Toshiya, say the name of the song….please…. Toshiya: *laughs* This was Dir en grey “Ochita koto no aru Sora” Joe: They were saying in the comments that we didn’t say the name of the song…. Toshiya: Ahhh….I thought that you were going to say it…. Joe: I’m sorry….there are a lot of comments asking you to take off your sunglasses…you are going to do that at the premium corner, right?  We are going to be drinking and you will take your sunglasses off…. Please watch it… Joe explains that soon the premium part is going to start and they are going to talk about many things such as which music  he has being listening to recently, and also they will be showing a private picture that Toshiya took. So, if we want to watch it, we have to subscribe to the channel. Joe: The number of comments have increased some time ago but the truth is that today what I’m wearing *points at his sweatshirt* it’s from toshiya’s brand…. Toshiya: It’s a bribe… Joe: A bribe….you got me a bribe…. Toshiya: *laughs* I’m sorry… Joe shows a Dirt shirt to the audience and starts touching it. Joe: The fabric feels really good! Toshiya: It’s a fabric that feels really good…. Joe: Do you choose everything,from the fabric? Toshiya: I do, I do… Joe: For those who don’t know about the brand yet…..what’s the concept behind it? Toshiya: There is no  particular concept but, I think it’s good to create things that you can wear everyday… Joe: I see. I’m wearing now a high-neck long sleeve shirt with the logo in the neckline….*stands up to show the back of the shirt* At the back it has…..this is not  just a print right? Toshiya: It’s a foam print… Joe says he is happy wearing it and that it looks really stylish. Joe: Why did you start this brand? Toshiya: As a pastime/hobbie…. Joe: A hobbie… is that so?.... because you like clothes…did you create that saten shirt are wearing right now? Toshiya: *pointing at his shirt* This is a sample… Joe: You didn’t buy it….”a sample?” “it’s a new item?” “I want it”….they are saying that at the comments…. Joe says they are going to put a link on screen so we can click it and go to Dirt’s homepage. They start talking about the production and creation of the items. Joe thinks that choosing fabrics must be hard. Toshiya: It’s hard….cause fabric samples are so small, right? Joe: You cant imagine the whole thing… Toshiya: Besides that, when it becomes a clothes item, the image can be very different…. Joe: You didn’t imagine that it would be that hard… Toshiya: That’s right… Joe: *laughs* isn’t it? Toshiya: It’s too hard…we are five people in the band right? So I don’t have to do everything by myself…as I’m a very lazy person… Joe: *laughs* as you are lazy…. Toshiya: As I have to think everything myself and do it…..it’s very hard… Joe: Do you regret it? Toshiya: Regret…..*laughs*  *whispering* A bit… Joe: *Laughs* You regret it a bit… someone said in the comments “lazy person activation”….he regrets it a bit but he really likes it…please everyone go and check the homepage clicking in the link….”please make smaller sizes”…someone said that in a comment… Toshiya: That’s right… this time the sizes were varied but they were still big…. Joe: Still big….I wonder why….how is that? They started discussing the production and how doing several sizes is hard, cause it affects retail price and stuff. Joe: People who want a smaller size, do the same that Toshiya did and get a bigger body frame…*Toshiya laughs* He went from 58 kg to 67kg…. Toshiya: If you eat more, you will gain weight… Joe: If you eat more….they are comments saying that they like that the brand is unisex…. Toshiya: Ah, thank you so much…. Joe asks Toshiya if he is going to release something for spring season and he replies that around March he thinks they will release the new items, that they are currently working on them. Joe: Now we are going to watch some footage and after than, we are going to talk while having a drink. Toshiya: Yes Joe: The two of us drinking…..it can be something dangerous… Toshiya: I think so Joe remembers Dir en grey’s livestream, last year, in which Toshiya drank. Toshiya says he thought that if he didn’t talk much it wouldn’t be interesting. Joe: Thank you for that. Toshiya: I thought that if everyone had fun, then it’s ok… Joe: I see Toshiya: Like, “let’s get a bit crazy” and so… Joe: That’s it….from here, we are getting into the crazy talk or rather…..from here, the promotional talk is over so, rather it’s going to be a talk with a drunk Toshiya and Yokomizo…. Toshiya: *laughs* That’s not good…. Joe: That’s a bad thing… I wonder if we can show that to you….please everyone be welcome to join us at the premium corner….we are going to watch one more footage of Dir en grey from last year’s March….a footage from the concert at Zepp Yokohama….please watch it…. (Footage of Ningen wo Kaburu from The World You Live in) Joe: We just watched Dir en grey’s Ningen wo Kaburu. There are many comments saying that they want to attend a live, I want you to play a live, Toshiya… Toshiya: Yes, I want to do it… Joe: Besides the screening, there is also information about a new single in spring, right? Toshiya: Yes Joe: You said that you just finished recording it Toshiya: Yes, the recording is over. Joe: Now it’s time for the mixing…and probably it’s going to be soon out….but what kind of song is it? Toshiya: Ahhh…..mmmmmm……*Joe tries to get him to say something*….I won’t say it… Joe: You won’t say anything… Toshiya: I want them to look forward to it…..the coupling song is also really amazing… Joe: Is that so? What’s the name of the coupling song? Toshiya: I won’t say it…. Joe: You won’t say anything… everyone, he is not saying it….so until it is released, we are going to be looking forward to it…. Joe explains that the premium corner is about to start so for those who have not joined yet can click in the link to do so. They have already two beers on the table. Joe: So, two troublesome old men as you haven’t seen before…old men? I shouldn’t say that….two troublesome guys…. Toshiya: No,no…we are really old men…. Joe: You are not an old man… Toshiya: I’m really an old man… Joe: Please everyone subscribe to the channel….is it ok?....we are going to do a five-second countdown….5…4….3….2…1….don! (Premium corner/Members only section starts)

(Second part here)

#dir en grey #toshiya #joe yokomizo channel #Joe Yokomizo #translation #toshiyatranslations

[dangerouslcve]

Drawn Together

Pairing: Julian Albert x reader

Warning: Mature Content. Read at your own risk.

Word Count: 2k

Summary: Julian is trying to get over the feelings he had for you. . . You make it impossible after seeking him out this time.

- - -

It started out as innocent teasing until it changed into something entirely different. Something darker and you couldn’t stop what it was. . . You did not want to. Julian was like a drug; you had a taste and now you wanted more. It was both frustrating and intoxicating, you hated him because of the way he made you feel, and he hated you because in his mind you were stupid enough to be with someone who did not deserve you.

  You both danced around each other, the fire growing bigger and hotter between you two the more time you spent avoiding him. He looked at you now as if he could devour you and he did. Every night when your boyfriend was out of town. It was horrible. You BOTH were horrible. He was with Caitlin and you were with your boyfriend Zane. You knew what you were doing was wrong, but it felt so right at the time. The things he said… The things he did when you were together… It had your legs shaking, even now. When you broke it off, the burn for him never died. It was always their eating at you… Until today. 

When you finally entered the office after weeks of avoiding Julian, your heart was racing, and your hands were shaking. You saw him leaned back in his chair; his mouth set in a hard line as he stared out the window with a distant look. He never noticed you walking in until you spoke his name softly and his gaze snapped over to you, his eyes darkening by a fraction before he clenched his jaw. 

“How are you?” you ask after a long moment and Julian snorts. “Awful. Thanks for asking sweetheart.” You winced. He smirked seeming pleased with himself when you winced, almost as if he were enjoying some private joke. Julian Albert was a selfish man it had to be said. Well, it was said. . . Many times, when you were pressed against a wall begging for more but if you were as selfish as he were, you would not be having the conversation at all.  Julian watched with a guarded expression as you took long careful strides over to his desk. He tensed his eyes flashed with uncertainty as he continued to stand completely still. You clear your throat looking up at him under your lashes, he said nothing. “And how are you doing today?” he asked you finally.

“I’m-“ truthfully you were terrified, you did not know how he would react to what you had to tell him. He mentioned he wanted to get you pregnant but if you held everything a man said during sex to heart you would end up with false hope and unfulfilled desires. That is why this situation was ten times worse, he may have said that as an in the moment thing but the way he truly felt about becoming a father was still unknown. “I shouldn’t have come, I’m sorry.” As you turn away his hand shoots out grabbing your wrist. The first contact in weeks and yet the spark was still there, it shot through you like a bullet and the fire in his eyes had returned.

He felt it too.

“No don’t,” he said firmly pulling you back to his desk making you nearly stumble. “We have not had any sort of contact with each other in weeks. Obviously, you came here because whatever you have to say is important.” He said his thumb brushing over your knuckles as he gets a faraway look in his eyes, the same look he always got when thinking. “Just give it to me straight. Rip the band-aid off the wound, you already hurt me I’m sure whatever you have to say now won’t be as bad.”

You swallow hard looking at him fully. Admiring the way his hair was always brushed back, the light stubble around his jaw and upper lip. The faint glint of hope in his blue eyes, his parted plump pink lips, and his beautiful dirty blonde hair. He cut his hair; you had just noticed that. He looked so handsome with short hair. You take a long deep breath before gripping his hand tighter. 

“I’m pregnant.” You say looking him dead in the eye and you watch him freeze where he stood. His expression unreadable before he drops your hand turning away with a cold expression. “It’s your baby.”

“How could you be sure it is mine?” he questions trying his best to control the rage that was surrounding him. “It’s most likely Zane’s.” he snarls and you look at the ground. ‘Just tell him everything.’ You will yourself and you could feel his icy glare on you.

“Zane and I never- not after you and I-“ why was this so hard to say looking at the ground. It was better than staring up into that intimidating gaze. You look up and he had his arms crossed over his chest with an arched eyebrow. “I never had sex with Zane after you, he wanted to, but I always said I was tired. I never allowed him to touch me after we had sex. I was too scared to moan you name instead of his because you were all I could think about.” You finish explaining and he makes his way around the desk his mask slipping back into place as he looks at you.

“Are you-“

“- We aren’t together anymore if that is what you are wandering.” You tell him and he released a deep chuckle rolling his eyes. “I’m keeping the baby. I want the baby.” You blurt out watching his eyes widen in shock. “If I don’t, I will always wonder whether the baby had your eyes or mine, if they had your hair or mine, if they acted more like me or you.” You tell him and he slowly cups your face with his hands. “I would never forgive myself Julian-“

“- I would never ask you to do that. I want the baby as well. This is our baby, and we will be the best parents.” He reassures you before his lips brush against yours making your breath hitch. Everything was heightened and suddenly his lips were on yours. It was not a sweet and gentle kiss… No. This kiss was different.

 Possessiveness and hunger. 

He backs you up against the table his mouth claiming yours shoving all the paperwork off the desk as it falls to the floor in a thud. He lifts you up by your thighs placing you on the table roughly his lips trailing down to your neck making you gasp as he bites down on your collarbone. This is what Julian was good at, distracting you from what mattered. He did not want to continue the conversation about the baby or about how you felt because the only thing he knew was you were putting yourself on the line for him and that alone drove him wild. You wanted to go in depth about the situation, but you knew, and he knew that you both were gone the minute his lips touched yours. You should tell him to stop but you couldn’t - you didn’t want to. You were both going to burn together. 

 _______  

You both pant holding onto each other as he came with one last thrust groaning into your neck. You saw stars in your vision, you could barely breathe, your legs shook, and your thoughts were clouded by the pleasure of your orgasm which had washed over you just seconds ago. Julian seemed quite pleased with himself after giving you a mind-blowing orgasm. He lifts his head up and rests it against your forehead his grip on your hips loosening and you relax coming down from your high in his grip as he pulled out and away tucking himself back in his trousers.

“I want you to move in with me.” He tells you through his heavy breaths before he lets out a low growl when he watched you bite your lip. “I want to raise this baby together.”

“What about Caitlin?”

“She knew. She is not stupid.” He breathes and you fix your dress as you get off the desk nearly collapsing making him smirk. “She didn’t know you were the one I was cheating on her with don’t worry.”

“Julian, she will know because I am pregnant. They all will.” Panic set in. “Oh god… Barry will know.” This was wrong. What they did was wrong. It was all so wrong; you knew that the moment you both had sex for the first time.

“Fucking Hell.” He mumbles taking his hands through his hair. “I just-“

“-This was a-“

“-Don’t you dare say it was a mistake Y/n. We both enjoyed our time together, we both wanted more.” He said and you felt the anger rising in your chest. How can he be so okay with this? This could and will ruin the friendships you have made working at star labs.

“You don’t get it Julian! That is the thing, you never will, I have just ruined the friendship I had with them all. Barry was like a brother to me; he was so close to Caitlin and now that he will know you have been fucking me while dating his other best friend? Do you have no brain? I shouldn’t have- Julian we can’t- I can’t-“ you felt your chest constrict and Julian’s arms wrapped around you protectively.

“Caitlin and I were never close. We went on a few dates, kissed a couple times but that was it. She will not be angry with you, Allen will most likely be surprised at the news. You overthink when it comes to these things, everything will be alright.” He explains and you pull away narrowing your eyes at him. “I will choose not to take offense to the having no brain comment. I have plenty but when I’m with you it seems all common sense is tossed out the nearest window.” What a lovely post sex talk this was turning out to be.

“Should I not think far into these things? I cheated on Zane, you practically cheated on Caitlin. I am now pregnant with your baby.” You snap and he tightens his grip on you, his heated eyes looking down at you.

“You don’t need to remind me Y/n.” he sneers his mask sliding back into place. “I am aware you are pregnant and as I said before Caitlin and I were hardly dating. You should really ask yourself if you have the no brains in this moment.” His tone was ice and you shove him away, but he was too quick he caught your wrists in his grip.

“You are so frustrating! Do you not care?” you say angrily and his face was becoming red as his anger began to build.

“Of course, I care L/n! I only told you more than six bloody times!” he says raising his voice letting go of your wrists before turning away. You clench your jaw shaking your head. “Listen to me Y/n, now is your chance to tell me how you truly feel.” He says turning around his features hard and unreadable.

“I already told-“

“I want the truth. Do you care for me enough to move in with me?” you scoff at his ridiculous question. Of course, you wanted to be with him, but it was not that simple. You would continue to feel guilt even after telling everyone.

“Of course, I do-“

“-Then move in with me-“

“- Julian It is not that simple –“

“- You are overthinking this far-“

“- I will feel guilty doing that to Caitlin-“

“- Stop. Interrupting me-“

“- You stop interrupting me!” you say, and he rolls his eyes to the back of his head letting out a low growl.

“Interrupt me. One. More. Time.” He threatens and you quickly become silently. Surprising the both of you for obeying his demand. He sighs pinching the bridge of his nose before leaning on his desk looking down. “I am sure Caitlin was seeing other people as well when we were going out. It was more of a test run to see if we would be good together, but I found you and I did not need anyone else. You were all I craved- Bloody hell- if you knew what you did to me coming in here today in that tight little dress with an innocent look on your face.” He says glancing at you. It wasn’t like he just fucked you into oblivion on his work desk. . . Of course you knew what you had did to him.

“I think I had an Idea, but that is beside the point.” You tell him and he laughs looking to his right avoiding your gaze. “My point is-“

“- I know what your point is-“

“- No, you don’t know what my point is.” You snap and he looks over at you standing up straight. “What if she says she is okay with it but really isn’t.”

“That would be her problem not ours.” He rolled his eyes growing bored of this argument that was clearly going nowhere. You click your tongue to the top of your mouth stopping yourself from rolling your eyes at him.

“Fine.” You say after a long beat of silence. His gaze snaps up to yours, confusion written across his face before he pales. “I will move in with you.” His eyes widen and his cheeks flush. “On one condition.”

“Anything my darling. Anything at all.”

“Get your attitude into check. Your mood swings are giving me whiplash.” You say and he chuckles before swooping down pressing his lips to yours feverishly. His hands sliding under your dress pulling you flush against his body.

“You can be my personal therapy.” He whispers against your lips as you gasp feeling a hard smack to your bottom.

“We just-“

“I know.”

“You are insatiable.”

“So I’ve been told.”

#julian albert x reader #julian albert imagine #julian albert #Tom Felton #tom felton imagine #tom felton x reader #Draco Malfoy #draco malfoy smut #draco malfoy imagine #julian albert smut

[ecliptsukki]

a turned spirit ❧ bakugou katsuki / ground zero

navigation | music

➣ genre: angst

➣ warnings: villian!baku, unrequited love

➣ request: bakugou Is fighting the reader and the reader Kiss him to distract him to escape ( Sidenote have you ever watch Jennifers body

➣ a/n: hi, anon! unfortunately, i’ve never watched jennifer’s body but i have seen a few scenes before. if your request is correlated to the movie, i’m so sorry if the fic doesn’t turn out the way you want :((( also! since bakubro’s birthday is today (in the us), i decided to write a fic for him and so i saw this request! i tried to post it yesterday, but i got occupied with homework :/// if the center of the fic sounds like word spew, it probably is because it spaced out in the middle of writing it lmao. i promise i will work on the other requests waiting in my inbox, i just need time. thank you and enjoy!!!

Sirens were going off throughout the city; dark clouds of smoke wafted in the air. Some citizens were being calmly evacuated to a safer location, whereas others were watching the pro heroes fight the villain. 

A loud boom echoed through the streets of the city, attracting everyone’s attention. A flash of orange flames lit up the sky, followed by a hoarse shout. 

You would’ve recognized that voice anywhere, be it in your sleep or in a loud, crowded room. 

Oh how you wished you had Deku with you as of now.

“Happy birthday, Bakugou!” You and your classmates jumped out of their hiding spots, surprising the hot-headed peer.

He gave the group of you an unimpressed stare, hands shoved in the pockets of his low-waisted pants. The blonde gave the decorated room a once over before grunting a quiet thanks of appreciation.

“No need to be such a tsundere, Baku-bro,” Kaminari chirped, nudging Bakugou with his shoulder.

“Fuck off, Pikachu,” the black-clothing-clad boy grumbled.

“Cheer up, Bakugou! It’s your birthday, and everyone here set this up for you!” Kirishima placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

Everyone else in the class had began to roam the snack table or dance with each other to Jirou’s live music. You, on the other hand, held a neatly wrapped gift in your arms, collecting the courage to approach and give Bakugou the gift yourself.

Watching as the blonde sat himself onto the plush cushions of the common room’s couch, your feet carried you over to him, forcing you into one reality.

“What do you want?” His gruff voice spoke, staring at your frozen figure.

Lips trembling, you decided your actions would speak louder than your words, at the moment. Your arm stuck out, handing the gift to Bakugou. He looked at you, then the gift, gently grabbing the box away from you.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

Internally panicking, you simply nod and hum, eyes focused on your feet. You scurry away as soon as you could, attempting to hide the obvious blush on your cheeks.

Unbeknownst to you, Bakugou was watching your frantic figure gather some water to cool yourself down. 

Cute, he thought, looking down at the custom-made, Ground Zero wrapping paper you used for his gift.

The sound of explosions neared you and the other pro heroes. Some heroes were too injured to fight or were helping the police escort the citizens away faster. Coincidentally, you were the only one who could fight. Luckily, unlike the other heroes, you already had experience fighting the inevitable explosion man.

“Go! Take them as far from here as possible. I’ll try to hold him back,” you shouted at the escapees and your fellow heroes.

You ran forward, closing in on the sound of explosions. You caught a glimpse of the smoke and orange flames and moved to get in closer range of them.

Once you could see the muscular man shooting through the sky, you activated your quirk, attracting his attention to you.

“Well if it isn’t my least favorite UA girl,” his voice echoed down the street.

“Bakugou,” you spoke in a low tone.

“How’s it going, L/N? I see you’re one of the top pro heroes now,” he smirks, little sparks lighting from his palms.

“You could’ve been one too,” you responded, ignoring his question.

“Yeah, I could’ve, but why tie myself down to boring rules?” 

The two of you were walking in circles, neither one willing to turn their backs.

“What about your dream of being stronger and better than All Might?” You brought up his childhood dream, hoping to draw out more time.

“Can’t you see? I am better than All Might. My power is unlimited,” he cackled.

You gulped, frowning at the man ahead of you. His appearance didn’t change much in comparison to when he was a high schooler. Now, he was the shell of someone you had fallen for once.

Scoffing, he spoke, “As much as I’d like to let you stall more time, I’ve got some people to show my power to.”

Seeing as he was ready to boost himself away, you ran towards him, grabbing his arm and trying to pin him to the floor. You wrapped your legs around his waist, legs coming down from behind him, knocking his knees down. Since he was on his knees, you swung yourself around him and pushed him onto his chest, cheek squashed against the floor. You pulled both his arms back, trying to pry his grenade gauntlet off of him.

With you straddling his back, you could feel him chuckle from underneath you, “You really think you can take those off? They were designed so that only I could take them off on my own accord.”

You ignored him, straining to pull of the big and heavy items. It was like taking them off would release him from some imaginary spell you thought up in your mind, like it would liberate your chained heart and he would come back.

Bakugou could feel your efforts beginning to weaken and took the opportunity to his advantage. With a slight roll of his shoulder, he managed to use the gauntlet’s weight to escape your grasp.

With you stuck in a heartbroken haze, you were too late to realize the villain overpowering you until you were the one under him. You stared into his scintillating ruby eyes, searching for even a fraction of the classmate you had mourned over losing. Tears pricked your own E/C eyes, spilling down your flushed cheeks.

For a moment, the blonde’s aggressive façade had faltered, his eyes quivering at the sight of your tear-stained cheeks. It was only when he heard the sound of a building collapsing on its weak infrastructure did he warn you once more.

“I suggest you get out of here before I have to hurt you,” he growled lowly, dismissing the bitter taste the words had left in his mouth.

Your mind was telling your body to move, to get up and fight, but your heart was telling you to stay, forcing you to gaze at his complexion much too long.

“No,” you whimpered, unconsciously. Your head shook, hand grabbing onto one of the man’s large wrist that was pinning you down. “Come back. I can- We can help you.” 

You were at your wits end, fighting against a once potential number one pro hero and an unrequited love. 

He harshly ripped himself out of your grasp, spitting out, “I don’t need your help.”

That was enough for you to accept the reality of the situation. Bakugou Katsuki was long gone; Ground Zero was no longer a hero. You must protect this beloved city and its people.

Glancing at the big city hall clock, you realize you’d stalled just about the perfect amount of time for the citizens to escape, meaning all you needed to do was hold Ground Zero back a little longer to ensure he wouldn’t locate the safe house.

Running full speed at the man ahead of you, you dropped to your side, sliding between his legs and flipping up to kick him to the floor. You could hear him elicit a dark chuckle before turning over and firing his blast at you. Fortunately, you were able to hop off of him and put some distance between the two of you.

You knew both close combat and long-range combat wouldn’t work on him. He was fully equipped when it came to his quirk. You, on the other hand, preferred to depend on your combat skills, and unlike Deku, your quirk didn’t increase the amount of force or strength in your attacks.

While you were busy thinking up a plan of escape, you felt your phone vibrate in its compartment in your bodysuit. Bakugou must’ve noticed your relaxed disposition because he began to charge at you, attacking you on all sides, leaving you trapped dodging his explosions.

“I guess some measly pro hero could be a good reward to bring back in replace of their lives,” he shouted, hands bombarding your space.

Your state of mind was panicked. You didn’t know how you were going to beat him, let alone escape. Only one idea popped in your head at that moment, and oh, how you despised it. Your thoughts screamed: “It’s not going to work!” “That only works in cliches!” “Oh my god, are you stupid?” Nevertheless, you had no other plans, no other ideas.

Finding a convenient opening, you leaned in smashing your lips against his, causing him to immediately freeze in his spot. The pink, cracked lips pressed against yours felt like it was out of a fantasy. No, his lips weren’t perfect and soft like a prince in shining armor’s, but his were with meaning: a tragic story made of his life that led to that exact moment.

Pulling away, you spared him one last glance before running out of his sight. He didn’t chase after you. He couldn’t because he knew if he did, he wouldn’t want to leave your side ever again, but he didn’t want the tied down life of a “savior” or a “hero.” Besides, there’s no way he would be accepted as a hero and let roam freely after all the chaos and havoc he’d caused.

Once a villain, always a villain... at least that was what society believed.

The two of you had different destinies with the lines of dark and light. Alas, there was no in between for you to share and no way to turn back the tables called time.

#bakugo katsuki #bakugo #bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugou angst #bakugou imagine #bakugou fluff #Katsuki Bakugō #katsuki #bnha katsuki x reader #bakugo katuski x reader #reader insert #angst #boku no hero academia #boku no hero imagines #bnha #mha #my hero academia #my hero imagines #happy birthday bakugou!!! #i felt like being a bakuhoe today :PPP

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Prompt list!

Below you can find a list of prompts you can send to me to write a fic around when my requests will be open or when I am having a sleepover. 

Prompt categories are;

Fluff prompts

Sarcastic/Fun/Spicy prompts

Angst prompts

Some of the prompts are my own, but most of them are collected from different people. 

I have put the credit on the bottom of the list with their original post and account. 

Fluff prompts:

“You smell really nice.”

“I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

“Would it be all right if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you.”

“Did... did you just kiss me?”

"Isn't the view beautiful?"

A: “Why are you wearing my sweater?” B: “Because it smells like you.”

"Stop looking at me like that!"

“If you steal the blankets, I am going to put my cold feet on you.”

A: “Is that my shirt?” B: “You mean our shirt?”

“You’re quite comfy.”

“Your bed hair is really adorable.”

“Aw, you’re blushing.”

“Uh oh, I know that look. What do you want?”

“I like the way your hand fits in mine.”

“There’s something in the corner of your lips... can I?”

A: “Do I look weird?” B: “No, like... It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”

“I can’t get over how a few months ago I wanted to learn your name and now you’re having breakfast with me in my sweater.”

“You are so beautiful — So fucking beautiful. “

“It’s not a double date. We’re just third and fourth wheeling.”

"Quick, kiss me!"

A: “You should probably go home.” B: “But I’m already home.”

“I just want to see you happy.”

“I couldn’t get you out of my mind.”

“Laughing suits you.”

“I told you to take care of yourself.”

"You look better in my clothes than I do."

“You take the bed you need it more than me.”

“Now I know where half my wardrobe went.”

“You’re not hurting me, you’re not heavy. I’ve got you, love.”

A: “I’m such a mess.” B: “I love it when you’re a mess!”

“I can’t think around you.”

“Stop moving! I’m going to have to start counting all over again!”

“Can you please stop biting your lip…it’s distracting.”

“Why are you naked?”

"How mad would you be if I kissed you?"

“Please stop rolling your shirt sleeves up, it’s terribly distracting”

“Are you going to kiss me or what?”

“Can I hug you? Just for a second.”

“How blind can you be not to see that I have liked you since forever?”

A: “You owe me.” B: “Fine, whatever you’d like.”

“I hate how much I want you.”

“I think… I think I like you.”

“The world could be on fire and I’d still be happy as long as i’m with you.”

"Did I just say that out loud?"

“You are all I can think of and it drives me crazy.”

Sarcastic/Fun/Spicy��prompts:

“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”

“And you wonder why you’re still single.”

“She may seem like lollipops and rainbows, but I bet behind closed doors she’s latex and whips.”

“I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.”

A: “Somebody’s cranky.” B: “Somebody needs to shut up.”

“I’m going to hit/punch you so hard, it’ll make your ancestors dizzy.”

“I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really ‘go big or go home’.”

A: “Why should we date?” B: “Because we are attracted to each other.” A: “I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”

“Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”

A: “You’re questioning my methods.” B: “I’m not questioning it I’m saying it’s stupid.”

“You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

A: “I didn’t do it!” B: “Then why are you laughing?” A: “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”

“I didn’t mean it like that! Stop making everything I say dirty!”

“Darling I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen.”

A: “You make no sense to me.” B: “Welcome to my life.”

“As beautiful as you look, all I want to do is rip that dress off right now.”

“Hold on. You’re telling me that you want to go out to the creepy woods in the middle of the night on a full moon? Really? Really? Think before you answer.”

A: “You come here often?” B: “Well considering I work here, yes.”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“You are so drunk.”

“We only have one room left for the night…”

“Hello Ms./Mr. Grumpy.”

A: “Can we keep him/her?” B: “S/he is not an animal.”

“Do you talk to your mother with that mouth?”

“I’d punch you, but that’d ruin that pretty little face of yours.”

A: “Where have you been all my life?” B: “Hiding from you”

“I will have you know, boobs proved that men can focus on two things at once.”

A: “So, it’s a date?” B: “Nope. not a date”

“If you keep stuttering, I will think that you might like me.”

“I had a dream about you last night. I’d tell you what happened, but it’s way too inappropriate.”

A: “It’s because I’m so attractive isn’t it?” B: “I say this and I cannot stress this enough. I find you completely repulsive.”

“I was just wondering how long it’s going to be before you realise, I like you and admit that you like me back.”

A: “You’re an idiot.” B: “But I’m your idiot.”

“Sorry, is that supposed to impress me?”

“Are you trying to turn me on right now or are you really just that oblivious?”

“That was the prettiest sound I’ve ever heard.”

“I’m never going to finish this if you keep doing that.”

“I’m a little drunk and a little horny.”

“My eyes are up here!”

“Do you find it sexy when girls make the first move, or should I wait for you to do it yourself?”

“I may or may not have left some... marks.”

“I’m going to ruin that pretty makeup.”

“I thought your laugh was the prettiest sound in the world. I was wrong, it’s your moans.”

“Are you planning on kissing me today or we are waiting for something?”

Angst prompts:

“I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“We both know that I should walk away, but I can’t.”

“Don’t ask her out again, please… You’re killing me, every single time you do that.”

“What happened to us?”

“Love isn’t supposed to hurt this badly.”

“You said you needed space. I let you move out, I let you go out with your friends without me, I even met you once a week to give you space and you’re still unsure. I’m starting to think that an entire universe apart wouldn’t be enough space for you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not what you signed up for.”

“Don’t pretend like you’re not happy to see me like this.”

“I don’t think you understand how much you hurt me.”

“Aren’t you even going to cry?”

“Find somebody else to kiss your ass.”

“I don’t know who you are anymore.”

“How long are going to pretend that everything is okay?”

“Just leave me alone.”

“Can we please pretend I never said that?”

“When I said I loved you, I meant it.”

“Is there any part of you, deep down, that might love me back?”

“We agreed this was just physical!”

“I don’t want to feel this. I want to be numb.”

“There’s just no pleasing you, is there?”

“Maybe they were right, you never did change.”

A: “Don’t look at me like that.” B: “Like what?” A: “Like you still love me.”

“Move out of my way before I make you.”

A: “They warned me about this.” B: “About what?” A: “You.”

“I can’t keep playing pretend.”

“Can I at least tell my side of the story?”

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

“I wish I’d never met you.”

“Stop sending me mixed signals.”

“I don’t think you understand how much you hurt me.”

“I thought you liked me.”

“Get out.”

“Can’t you listen for one second?”

“Were you just playing with my feelings?”

“I trusted you. I feel so dumb.”

“What am I in your life? Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been nothing to you.”

“Is she really just a friend?”

“I hope you are happy, you won.”

“I wish I could believe you.”

“Is your image really more important than us?”

“I’m scared.”

“Am I not important to you anymore?”

“How could you let them say that about me?”

“Why didn’t you fight for us?”

“Just leave me alone.”

Credits: 

[x] by @blisfvll 

[x] by @marauder-exe 

[x] by @kaiiton 

[x] by @writings-of-a-hufflepuff 

[x] by @moanlightlust 

[x] by @slytherinsqueen 

#prompts #writing #prompt list #dialogue #conversation #fluff prompt #fluff prompts #angst prompt #angst prompts #sarcastic prompt #sarcastic prompts #fun prompt #funny prompt #fun prompts #funny prompts #smut prompt #smut prompts

[floralseokjin]

Sandeul finds out 

⇢ memoirs of a mistake timeline 

[saga index] [drabble index]

kim seokjin x reader // suggestive // 1,308 words 

“Okay. I need to go home,” you sighed, rolling onto your front to reach over the side of his bed for your underwear. He was pretty sure it was there anyway. He’d ripped it off in such a rush, he couldn’t quite remember. “I have to ace this test tomorrow.” 

“Sorry. Did I keep you?” Sat up now, you glanced over at him as you clipped your bra around your back, catching the smug smirk across his face, only to his surprise today you didn’t feel like chewing him out. Maybe it was those three orgasms he’d given you this afternoon... 

“Trust me. I’d rather spend my time doing this.” 

He watched you stand up, wrestling on your jeans, your boobs jiggling about. If he wasn’t so beat he was sure his dick would start stirring again. He was weak when it came to your body – just you in general actually. 

“Oh yeah?” He was only in his boxers, still laying on his bed. 

He caught you checking out his chest but didn’t say anything. Hoody over your head now, your muffled voice told him off. “Don’t get cocky.” And then he could see you again, grinning his way. He liked it when you grinned. You’d been doing it a lot more around him recently, which he took as a good sign. 

“I’ll see you in a couple days? Recovery time, right?” You asked. Ever since you’d began having sex at his place and not his car, the frequency had tripled – if that was possible. You’d rush over as soon as Sanduel wasn’t home, making the most of the free time. (Although, you liked to call it secret time, but whatever.) 

“Sure. Don’t want him to drop off.” He looked down at his crotch as he spoke. 

Even though he couldn’t see you, he just knew you’d rolled your eyes. “No third person.” It weirded you out but he just found it hilarious. “Sorry,” he apologised quickly. He didn’t want to push his luck. Oddly enough, he thought you two had some sort of friendship developing right now…

He watched you shove your sneakers on and stood up, finding his sweatpants hanging off the bed where he’d yanked them off in a bid to get inside you as quick as possible. “Hey. I’ll walk you out.” 

You turned to look at him, your eyebrows slightly raised in shock. “You don’t have to.” 

Rolling his eyes, he chuckled. “Well, I’m not going to let you see yourself out, am I?” 

Your face lit up as you laughed along and he felt a twang inside his ribcage. He hoped he wasn’t getting heart burn… “Oh, gentleman. Bang me and then bid me goodnight at the doorstep.” 

He carried on chuckling, not bothering to put on a shirt as he walked towards the door.  “Don’t forget dine you too.” Cup ramen and sandwiches went down a treat. 

Walking out of his room and across the short distance of the hallway that opened up into the living room, you following closely behind, the colour from his face drained when he spotted his best friend stood awkwardly between the sofa and the chair. Oh, fuck.

“Hey,” Sanduel greeted, eyes wide when he saw you pop out from behind Seokjin’s back. He felt you freeze, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at you. He was a mass of panic and dread. You hadn’t wanted anyone to know, you’d been very clear on that, and now look… you’d been caught red handed.  

“Sandeul,” he said, voice painfully tight. 

“Hey,” his friend repeated. The air was suddenly stuffy. Seokjin had a horrible feeling the tips of his ears were red. 

“Hi.” He heard you say – to his surprise. 

To Sandeul’s surprise too. His eyes jumped to your figure and he forced himself to smile. “Hi.” 

Seokjin wanted the ground to swallow him whole everything was so awkward. He felt you turn to look at him. “I’m just, uh, gonna go.” 

He forced himself to look at you finally, nodding his head way too hastily. “Yeah, uh…” 

“See you,” you rushed, and off you went, nodding in Sandeul’s direction awkwardly as you passed him. 

“Yup. See you.” The click of the front door as you shut it echoed inside Seokjin’s head, and then his best friend was ogling him – wanting answers. 

“I’m very confused.” 

“Fuck sake,” Jin groaned, running his hand through his hair. This wasn’t good. 

“That wasn’t real,” Sandeul shook his head. “None of this is real.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Suddenly, he was on the defensive. 

“Just how?” Sandeul was baffled. “I imagine she wasn’t in there to help you study considering you don’t share any classes together.” 

“No, you’re wrong. We had to study the anatomy of the naked body,” he smirked. 

“Fucking hell, dude,” Sandeul exclaimed. “She is so out of your league.”  

“Is not.” Now he was really offended. “We’re on par.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Jin.” 

“Hey man, don’t be a dick.” 

His best friend laughed. “I’m not. See?” He paused to clap. “I applaud you. But she did kinda run off when she saw me.” 

“She had to go,” Seokjin mumbled. “just don’t tell anyone about this, okay? We want to keep it quiet.” He sounded obviously desperate. 

“We?” 

“Yeah, we. It’s a thing we have going on.” He shrugged. “It’s going really well.” 

“Huh? You’re together?!” Sandeul’s volume emphasised his shock. 

“No!” How had he jumped to that conclusion? “We’re just hooking up. A lot.” 

Sandeul used his hands to mimic his brain exploding. “Mind. Blown.” 

“Remember, don’t tell anyone.” His eyes were wide. Maybe you wouldn’t mind if only Sandeul knew? The sex was so good, you couldn’t just end things because one person knew about it… Right? He was sure he could convince you it was all okay, because well, it was okay. 

“As if anyone would believe me anyway,” Sandeul laughed. “You’re secret’s safe with me. She seemed to be very into you, so who am I to judge?” 

Seokjin felt his cheeks heat up at his best friend’s insinuation, despite feeling smug about it… Yes, he’d heard you both have sex, which was sort of weird, but it was good to get confirmation that you were into him… 

Walking back into his room, he picked up his phone to call you immediately, only to see you’d already tried the same. 

1 Missed Call (6 minutes ago)

He sighed to himself and hit redial, psyching himself up. He couldn’t let you end things. You just about had enough time to say his name before he was rushing in. “Hey. Before you say anything, Sandeul is keeping it a secret, okay?”

There was silence on the other end. After a moment, you spoke. “Are you sure? How do you know?” You didn’t sound mad, just hesitant. 

“I asked him to.” 

He didn’t like the sound of your small, unsure sigh. “Seokjin, I don’t know about this –”

“He’s my best friend, I trust him.”

Another silence, plus a heavy breath. “Fine.” 

“Really?” He couldn’t hide the shock from his voice. 

“Yeah.” 

He was a little lost for words, not expecting that to have been so easy. He’d been so sure you’d want to stop hooking up… “So, we’re okay?”

“Yes, we’re okay,” you chuckled. “I don’t know him, but I know you and I trust you, so…” 

“You trust me?” Now he sounded smug. 

“Don’t make me regret it.” 

“I won’t.” It was time to behave again. 

He heard you groan. “How long do you think he was there for?” 

He chuckled lightly. “I don’t know but I’m pretty sure he heard us…”

“Noo,” you groaned louder. “I can’t come to your place again.” 

“Hold up, you have too.” He insisted with a whine. “I can’t go back to fucking in that car again. Please.” 

Written 2021.   Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

#seokjin fanfic #bts fanfic #seokjin smut #bts smut #floralseokjin:writings #fic:crystallised

[ezrasarm]

More Than Friends

Pairing: Frankie Morales x demisexual!reader

Word count: 1.9K

Warnings: Some angst, some fluff, discussions of sexuality

A/n: This isn’t my usual spiel and it wound up getting a whole lot angstier than intended but this fic means a lot to me and I would really appreciate it if you took the time to read it and let me know what you think because I am nErVoUs about posting it and in need of validation 😬😂

Just a wee disclaimer: Demisexuality is a pretty broad term and the way people experience it is all across the board so I’d like you to keep in mind that this draws heavily from my own experience with identifying this way (which I am very new to). If you would like to learn more about demisexuality there are some wonderful resources here at demisexuality.org and my inbox is always open if you’re curious.

[ masterlist ]

It was a complicated thing to explain to people who didn’t understand- who didn’t want to understand. “That’s how it is for everyone.” “You just haven’t found the right person yet.” “I can change that”. You’d gotten tired of being told the experience that was very much real to you didn’t exist, that your identity didn’t exist, of being labelled a prude or being told you were just nervous. Feeling that desire and choosing not to act was one thing but it was another thing entirely not being able to.

When you found yourself in a position where you had to explain yourself to him, you needed him of all people to understand that the way you felt had absolutely nothing to do with him. You had tried. You thought there was a chance you might get there with him but the longer you waited for that connection to form, for that feeling to come, the more you realized you were wasting both of your time.

You were terrified as you walked into the cafe to tell him that just like all the other people you had tried to broach this topic with before he wouldn’t believe you. He wouldn’t get it. He’d shrug it off and tell you that you didn’t know what you were talking about. That he’d get offended and take your lack of attraction to him personally. That he’d overreact. That he’d blame you for stringing him along. But you had to rip the bandaid off. He’s a reasonable person right? He won’t do that. You were just psyching yourself out. It would be fine.

Or not.

You were distraught by the time you were supposed to meet the boys at the bar that night. You hadn’t meant to hurt him. Why did he have to look at you that way? Why did he have to say it like that? “Right, I thought as much.” He had frowned down at his coffee. What was that even supposed to mean? Why couldn’t he have taken your word for it? Why couldn’t you have faked it till you made it? Why couldn’t you feel something? You questioned yourself as you got in the door, shuffling around in your purse for your phone before dialling Frankies number. You couldn’t do this tonight, you couldn’t run around pretending everything was fine when you had been lonely for so goddamn long and this fell through too.

You got his voice mail and hoped it wasn’t because he was already on the road. Of all the times for him to decide to be early, you hoped it wasn’t this one. “Hey, Frankie, it’s me. I hope you’re not already on your way here, I just- I’m not feeling up for tonight. I think I might be coming down with something and don’t want to get everyone sick.” You say when you get his voice mail, sniffing back your onslaught of tears before concluding the call with a “Anyway say hi to everyone for me and I’ll see you later.” before hanging up, your voice finally breaks into a sob when you drop your phone onto the couch and collapse into the cushions next to it with an aggravated and teary-eyed sigh.

As though by some cruel joke the universe had decided to play on you today it's hardly five minutes later when a knock sounds at your door and you just about have to suppress an exasperated laugh as you wipe the tears from your eyes with your shirt sleeve and go to get it.

“Hey, you ready to-” Frankie is cut off when his phone buzzes in his pocket and his brows furrow for a brief second when he goes to check it. “Oop, hang on I got a message.” He declares, “Hey look, it’s from you!” He says, throwing a wiggle of his eyebrows in your direction as you fold your arms in front of you and lean against the doorframe waiting for the penny to drop. It takes a second before you watch the grin slowly fall from his face and he finally takes in the puffiness around your eyes and the stray tear which had managed to escape your hurried attempts at wiping them away.

“You don’t look sick.” He notes solemnly after a brief pause and your gaze drops to your feet at the shame of being caught in a lie. Great, now he was looking at you all hurt too.

“That’s ‘cause I’m not.” You sniffle back, finding it even harder to withhold your emotions now that he’s standing right in front of you.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” He asked, trying to usher you inside despite the resistance you give him.

“Nothing really. You should go to the party. I’ll be fine.” You insist but he’s already managed to wiggle you both through the door and drag you back into the living room.

“And leave you here on your own? Not a chance!” He insists as he plops you down on the couch motioning for you to stay put with a warning hand gesture and glare as he dials into his phone. “Hey Pope, somethings come up, we won’t be able to make it tonight but be sure to give Will a punch in the arm from me and a ‘Happy birthday’ from (y/n) and we promise we’ll make up for it next week,” There’s a momentary pause before Frankie nods. “Yup, will do, Hermano. Bye,” he says as he hangs up shoving the phone back in his pocket before taking a seat next to you.

“Frankie, You shouldn’t have done that. I already told you I’m fine.” You sigh.

“And I already told you that I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on.” He replies stubbornly, he’s clearly been hanging out with Santiago too much lately.

“You didn’t, but it’s good to know what I’m in for.” You huff out through a laugh that comes off a lot more bitter than you had hoped.

“I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s wrong, Hermosa,” He says, brushing his thumb up and down across the knuckles you hadn’t even realized he’d taken in his hand until now.

“This isn’t something you can fix Frankie! That’s exactly the problem!” You snap, tears threatening your waterline again.

“What is? What’s the problem?” He exclaims and you realize the situation you’ve placed yourself in for the second time today.

“I broke things off with Andrew today.” You say not expecting him to look quite as shocked as he did.

“Did something happen?” He asked. He could understand you being upset over a breakup but he had never seen you quite like this before.

“No, nothing happened he just- I couldn’t-” You cut yourself off trying to figure out how you can phrase this for it to make sense.

“I really liked him just not in the way he wanted me to.” You say, your gaze falling to where Frankie’s thumb had stopped rubbing circles on your knuckle as he tried to figure out what it was you were saying. “He was dropping some pretty heavy signs that he wanted to…” You sigh trying to decide if you really wanted to get into this with him. “I can’t feel sexually attracted to anyone unless I have a strong emotional connection with them first.” You say probably a bit too abruptly. With the way he’s looking at you now, this clearly wasn’t the direction he had expected this conversation to take and you’re already wondering if you’ve made a mistake by telling him. “And just because I have an emotional connection with them doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll ever get to that point with them.” There’s a beat before he responds and you’ve already braced yourself for the worst when instead-

“And you didn’t have that with him?” He asks. You feel your heart, which you hadn’t realized had been hammering in your chest, settle slightly. He was so understanding that for a second you thought he didn’t understand.

“I wanted to.” You say. “I thought maybe if I got to know him better it might develop- that I might be able to like him that way-” You shake your head hesitantly. “But it didn’t- I couldn’t.” You whispered, your head hung low in disappointment. “He didn’t take it very well.” You tried to say but you could already feel your throat tightening at the thought of the look on his face and the words echoing through your head. “I didn’t want to hurt him I just-“ More tears spilled down your cheeks and Frankie was quick to pull you into his chest, his fingers carding through your hair as you buried your face in his neck. “I didn’t want to be alone anymore and I thought-” A choked sob escapes you and Frankies grip on your waist grows just a little tighter.

“We don’t get to choose who we are and aren’t attracted to.” He whispers into the crown of your head, hating the look of shame he had seen on your face only moments ago. Hating the way you blamed yourself for something you clearly had no control over, hating that he didn’t know what to say. “I’m so sorry he didn’t understand.” He murmured with his lips still pressed to your hair line, his free hand smoothing up and down your arm gently, waiting for your breathing to even out.

There’s a long pause before he speaks again. He knows now probably isn’t the best time to ask this question but it won’t stop nagging at him and he doesn’t know when else he would ever have the courage to. “What about me?” He swallows heavily, after a while, not exactly sure what kind of answer he’s expecting. “Have you ever thought of me that way?” He pries and for a second you’re shocked that his mind even went there. Did he want you to think of him that way? Did he ever think of you that way?

You take a moment to mull over the question, your curiosity for where he was going with it managing to outweigh your fear of giving him an answer when your mind wanders back to the way your heart used to hammer in your chest when he walked into a room and how he was the only one who ever came to mind when you so much as considered the possibility of getting intimate with someone. “I’ve thought about you that way before, yeah.” You admit, lifting your head from his shoulder to look him in the eye.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He asks, eyes softening as he wonders how many awful dates he could have saved you from if he had just known a little sooner that you thought of him as anything more than a friend.

“Because you were married when I realized it and by the time you weren’t I’d come to terms with it and I didn’t want to screw anything up between us.” You explain truthfully. The entire situation had been so complicated when it started that you wrote off the idea before you could even consider it fully and now he was asking you all these questions and you felt like a fool for not having seen it sooner.

“Do you still?...think of me that way?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Would you want to try giving me a chance?” He asks, wearily. “We can take it as slow as you want, there’s no pressure-”

“I’d like that.”

[ masterlist ]

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