#we could finally freely talk about how bad it was. i could express how much i hate the man

[jonny-b-meowborn]

I know I don't have to justify my yesterday's breakdown after seeing my mom's ex, but I just want to make it clear how much I hate this man.

When I was ~14 years old one night I heard/witnessed an argument between them so bad, that the next morning I ran away to my sister. Back then she used to live in this small town near mine, but there was no public transport connecting the towns and she doesn't have a driver's license, so she hitchhiked to pick me up, and we walked along the road until someone picked us up. I left a note at home to my mom, saying where I am and that I don't want to come back as long as her partner lives with us. She didn't acknowledge the contents of the note, but she read it. I ignored her texts and calls the whole day, until in the afternoon she texted me that if I don't come back right now to take care of my younger brother (he was ~8 then) I won't be allowed to visit my cousin the entire winter break. So basically she didn't even ask me to come back because she was worried, but because she wanted me to look after my sibling, and she pretty much blackmailed me to come back. And I had to come back that afternoon, but since it was january it was dark already, and really cold, and no one wanted to pick us up for like half the way. The town my sister lived in wasn't too far, it is a walkable distance, but like, we walked for like over two hours in the cold before someone drove us to my town. And mom never acknowledged the whole situation, she was just angry but didn't talk about any of it. So yeah. I think if his presences made me do that I'm absolutely justified in panicking when I see him now.

#my sister always had very delicate skin so she got frostbite on her hands when she was walking me back #her gloves kinda. stuck to her bleeding hands bc it was so cold and dry #i caught a cold #it was awful #at least we watched a fun movie while i was there iirc #and that was the day when i told my sister how bad it is at home #she knew some of it cause they started dating before she moved out #she didnt know how violent it got though. she suspected it but needed me to confirm it #like those years when they were together were some of the worst years of my life #and it's terrifying that mom refuses to acknowledge the abuse and the trauma #she did for a moment after they broke up #we could finally freely talk about how bad it was. i could express how much i hate the man #but now shes seeing him again #idk if theyre dating or just hanging out but even if they literally just talked id still be upset #she deserves better but at some point i cant help being angry at her for doing this to herself #im still angry at her for letting him get so close to our place yesterday. he didnt come inside but just being at the door is enough #im still jumpy and scared that he might come again #i genuinely hope that one day someone will hit him with a car or beat him to a pulp #bee buzz

[perfectsunlight]

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞

𝒌𝒊𝒎 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒋𝒊 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩, 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟒.𝟖𝐤

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞 - 𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚 𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐨

know that i loved you so bad

i let you treat me like that

i was your willing accomplice, honey

you were in the middle of talking about your day on the phone with your girlfriend. the both of you went to the same school, but of course her idol duties put her out of the classroom all the time. you were no idol, naturally leaving you and minji with a bit of estranged distance since you rarely saw her.

“oh, and then one of the fire alarms went off–” “can you just stop talking?”

minji’s sharp voice cut you off mid sentence. the suddenness of her words left you stunned, the hurt hitting you like a swift blow to the chest. the silence that followed was heavy, suffocating, as if the weight of the unspoken emotions hung in the air between you.

your mind raced, desperately trying to comprehend what had just happened. this was supposed to be your moment, a chance to share your day with her, to bridge the ever-widening gap that her job had forged between you. 

and yet, here you were, your heart sinking as her cutting words echoed in your ears.

"i've had a long day, and i just don't really feel like hearing you ramble right now." the idol said monotonously on the other line, her words landing like a cold, heavy stone in the pit of your stomach. each syllable felt like a dagger, twisting and turning in the wound that was already so tender. 

it was as if the person you once knew, the one who used to hang on your every word, had been replaced by someone distant and indifferent.

your voice caught in your throat, the hurt and confusion making it impossible to form a coherent response. you had hoped that your words, your voice, could be a lifeline to bridge the gap between your worlds, but instead, they seemed to have driven the wedge even deeper.

the words hung in the air, the silence stretching out like an eternity. what had you done wrong? was it your fault that you couldn't understand the pressures of her life, the demands of her career? a sinking feeling settled in your chest, a mix of sadness and anger, a complex emotion that was hard to untangle.

you could feel your own heart squeezing in your chest, the vulnerability of the moment leaving you raw and exposed.

the person you loved, the one who used to make your heart skip a beat, had just dismissed you with a single sentence. the sharp contrast between the past and the present was a painful reminder of how much things had changed.

"i understand that you're tired," you managed to say, your voice trembling with a mix of sadness and resignation. "i just thought maybe we could talk, even if it's just for a little while."

the line remained quiet for a moment, the silence heavy with unspoken words. you could almost picture minji on the other end, her expression impassive, her eyes perhaps staring off into the distance, disconnected from the conversation. 

it was a stark reminder that you were now a secondary character in her life, a role you had never anticipated playing.

"i don't know what to say," she finally responded, her voice lacking any warmth or emotion. "i'm just not in the mood for this right now."

those words felt like a final blow, a confirmation that the divide between you had grown too wide to bridge. the tears you had been holding back now spilled freely down your cheeks, each droplet a testament to the pain that was too deep for words.

you wanted to tell her how much you missed her, how much you longed for the connection you once shared. you wanted to ask her if there was a way to mend what was broken, to find a way back to each other. but the weight of her indifference hung heavy in the air, suffocating any words that might have brought solace.

in the end, all you could manage was a whispered, "okay." and with that, you hung up the phone, the silence on the other end echoing the emptiness you now felt inside. 

and i watched as you fled the scene

doe-eyed as you buried me

one heart broke, four hands bloody

the next few weeks were a continuation of that one evening. minji stopped calling you, she left you on read often, and occasionally she wouldn’t even read it until the next day. this was not the kim minji you fell in love with.

no, this was entirely someone different. your minji would never do this to you.

the minji you loved always asked about your day, always called even just to say goodnight. 

the minji you loved always asked about your day, always called even just to say goodnight. she was the one who made you feel like you were the most important person in her world.

but now, that minji seemed like a distant memory, a bittersweet echo of a time that was slipping further and further away. the weight of her absence bore down on you like a heavy cloud, casting a shadow over every aspect of your life. the joy you used to find in the simplest of things now felt hollow, incomplete.

you found yourself constantly checking your phone, hoping for a message, a sign that she was thinking of you. each notification that popped up only brought a pang of disappointment as it turned out to be from someone else. 

you wondered if you were being too needy, too clingy, but deep down, you couldn't help but feel that something was fundamentally wrong.

nights were the hardest. 

the absence of her goodnight messages left a void that was difficult to fill. the empty space beside you in bed seemed to grow colder each night, a physical reminder of the emotional distance that had come between you. you missed the sound of her voice, the way she used to tell you about her day, about the small victories and the challenges she faced.

you began to replay that evening in your mind, searching for clues, for any possible explanation for the sudden change in her behavior. had you said something wrong? was there something you could have done differently? the uncertainty gnawed at you, feeding into your insecurities and amplifying your pain.

those things i did

just so i could call you mine

the things you did

well, i hope i was your favorite crime

one afternoon, you found yourself waiting in line at a fansign for new jeans. you didn’t tell minji you were coming, since you thought it would be a good idea to surprise her with your presence. it had been over a month since you had seen your girlfriend, and you were over the moon to just see her face again.

especially since you had found yourself ditching your last period of class to come to this event.

the atmosphere around you buzzed with excitement, the energy of the fans filling the air. the posters, the merchandise, the anticipation—it was all so overwhelming. as you inched closer to the front of the line, your heart raced with a mixture of nervousness and eagerness.

finally, it was your turn. you stepped up to the table, and there she was, looking every bit as stunning as you remembered. her hair cascaded in waves, her eyes sparkled, and her smile was radiant, lighting up the entire room. for a moment, it felt like time stood still, and all the pain and uncertainty of the past weeks melted away in the warmth of her gaze.

minji looked up from signing the album placed in front of her, her eyes widening in genuine surprise. "you?" she exclaimed softly, a mixture of shock and something else you couldn't quite place in her voice.

"hey," you managed, your own voice a little unsteady. "surprise."

a range of emotions seemed to play across her face—surprise, confusion, and something akin to disgust. but she quickly masked them, putting on a professional smile as she continued to sign your album. the brief interaction felt surreal, like you were strangers meeting for the first time, and the dissonance was almost painful.

"thank you for coming," she said politely as she handed the album back to you. you held onto the album, your fingers trembling slightly as you searched her eyes for a hint of the minji you once knew.

before you could respond, a staff member gently ushered you along, reminding you that there were other fans waiting. 

minji didn’t bother looking back at you, not even once.

and just like that, the fansign moved on, and you were left standing there, clutching the album to your chest. the encounter left you feeling both heartened and heartbroken, a reminder that surprises weren't enough to mend what was broken.

but maybe it was your fault for not understanding? minji was an idol. she was busy with her schedules and promotions. of course she isn’t going to have time to see you. surely you should understand that, right?

however, you couldn’t understand why she acted the way she did towards you. little did you know it would only get worse.

you used me as an alibi

i crossed my heart as you crossed the line

and i defended you to all my friends

“y/n, come on. you can’t keep defending her.” sullyoon said bluntly, pointing a finger in your direction as she glared at you.

your best friend had been present to witness yet another one of you and minji’s arguments. this time, you called your girlfriend asking for a day she’s free to hang out with you, only to be met with an argument with her.

minji blamed you for being late to her photoshoot because you called her at a bad time. she also blamed you for making her stressed out with all of your constant messages.

you sighed and looked down, the weight of sullyoon's words hitting you like a ton of bricks. she wasn't wrong, and deep down, you knew it. you had been trying so hard to defend minji's actions, to justify the distance that had grown between you, but at what cost?

"i know," you replied quietly, your voice tinged with sadness and frustration. "it's just... i love her, sullyoon. i don't want to give up on us."

sullyoon's expression softened, and she stepped closer to you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "i know you love her, y/n. and i'm not telling you to give up. but you deserve someone who treats you with kindness and respect, who values your time and effort."

tears welled up in your eyes as you nodded, your heart aching with the truth of her words. you had been holding onto the memories of the past, the love you once shared, but the reality of the present was becoming harder and harder to ignore.

"it just hurts, you know?" you admitted, your voice quivering. "to feel like i'm not enough, like i'm the one causing her stress and frustration. she’s an idol and i feel like i should understand better."

sullyoon pulled you into a gentle hug, offering you a source of comfort in the midst of your turmoil. "you are enough, y/n. relationships are supposed to be a two-way street. it shouldn't be one-sided, and you shouldn't have to constantly defend yourself." 

as you buried your face in her shoulder, you couldn't help but feel the weight of your emotions crashing over you. the love you had for minji was still there, strong and unwavering, but it was becoming painfully clear that love alone might not be enough to mend what was broken.

“and i’m an idol, too. but i still make time to talk to you more than minji does.” she added, patting your back gently. “she’s just making excuses.”

with a heavy heart, you pulled away from sullyoon's embrace, wiping away your tears. "i need to have a serious conversation with her, don't i?"

sullyoon nodded, her gaze filled with empathy. "yes, y/n. you deserve to be heard, and you deserve honesty. anything less than that is not enough.”

and now, every time a siren sounds

i wonder if you're around

'cause you know that i'd do it all again

after two months of not seeing each other, you and minji finally had arranged a time to see each other. it was actually minji’s idea to meet up and have lunch together. 

after two months of not seeing each other, you and minji finally had arranged a time to see each other. it was actually minji’s idea to meet up and have lunch together. the anticipation and nervousness you felt were palpable as the day approached. a part of you hoped that this would mark a turning point in your relationship, a chance to bridge the gap that had grown between you.

as the day dawned, you found yourself getting ready with a mix of excitement and trepidation. your heart raced as you drove to the restaurant you both had agreed upon. the familiar sights of the city felt almost surreal, like you were stepping into a dream. you couldn't help but replay the upcoming meeting in your mind, wondering how it would unfold.

when you arrived at the restaurant, your heart skipped a beat as you saw minji waiting outside. she looked just as stunning as ever, a mix of nerves and excitement in her eyes. for a moment, it felt like time had stood still, and all the struggles and pain of the past weeks faded into the background. it was just the two of you, like it used to be.

"hey," you called out softly as you approached her, a tentative smile on your lips. minji's face became visible as she turned to you, a half smile tugging at her lips. "hey," she replied, her voice a mixture of nonchalant and monotone.

the awkwardness that had been present in your recent interactions seemed to intensify in that moment. as you sat down at a corner table, there was an unspoken dynamic. minji was acting like an idol, not like your girlfriend.

the conversation started off hesitantly, with small talk about each other's lives. minji talked about her busy schedule, her recent projects, and the demands of her idol career. you sat and listened attentively, unsure if you should say anything yet about a breakup.

when there was a pause in her monologue, you took a deep breath and finally spoke up, your voice soft but determined. "minji, i think we need to talk."

she looked at you, her expression not changing much, but there was a flicker of something in her eyes—maybe surprise, maybe annoyance.

"what's there to talk about?" she replied, her voice tinged with a touch of irritation.

your heart ached at her dismissive response, but you pressed on, knowing that you needed to be honest. "i miss us, minji. i miss the way things used to be between us. but lately, it feels like we're living in two separate worlds. your career, your fame—it's all so overwhelming, and i feel like i'm being left behind."

minji's gaze remained fixed on you, her eyes guarded. "you knew what my life was like when we got together. this isn't something new."

"i know, and i tried to be understanding," you replied, your voice cracking with emotion. "but it's not just about your career. it's about how we've changed, how our relationship has changed. i want us to be partners, to support each other, but it feels like you're closing yourself off from me."

minji's expression hardened, her walls going up even higher. "so, what are you saying?"

your heart ached as you looked into her eyes, searching for the minji you used to know, the one who would have listened and cared deeply. 

"i'm saying that maybe we need to take a break. to figure things out, to find ourselves again. i don't want to keep feeling like i'm fighting for your attention, like i'm the one causing you stress."

the silence that followed felt suffocating, the weight of your words hanging heavily in the air between you. minji's lips tightened, and you could see a storm of emotions brewing beneath the surface. and then, finally, she spoke, her voice laced with anger.

"you're giving up on us just like that?" her tone was sharp, accusatory. "it's not about giving up," you said softly, your voice trembling. "it's about recognizing that we both need to be happy, that we both need space to grow."

minji pushed her chair back abruptly, her face contorted with frustration. "i can't believe you're doing this. after everything."

you reached out for her, your heart aching at her reaction. "minji, please understand. this is tearing us apart. maybe some time apart can help us find our way back to each other."

the restaurant seemed to fade into the background as minji's words pierced through you like a knife. her anger was palpable, her frustration a tangible force. you watched as she stood there, her eyes blazing with hurt and anger, her voice filled with a mixture of disbelief and betrayal.

"i can’t believe i took time out of my busy schedule to come on a date with you for the first time in months and all you’re doing is this?" her voice trembled with a mix of emotions, and you could see tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

you swallowed hard, your own heart breaking at the pain in her voice. "minji, i didn't want it to be like this. i thought a break might give us a chance to work through things, to find a way back to each other."

she shook her head, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "you think this is what i want? you think i'm happy with the way things have been?"

the raw emotion in her voice cut through you, a stark reminder that this wasn't easy for her either. but her anger was so intense, so overwhelming, that it felt like there was no room for understanding or compromise.

"i don't think you're happy either," you said softly, tears welling up in your eyes. "i just thought maybe this break could give us a chance to heal."

minji's gaze bore into yours, her eyes blazing with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. "you think i need healing? you think i need you to tell me what's wrong with my life?"

the accusation in her words stung, and you felt a mixture of guilt and frustration swirling within you. "no, that's not what i meant."

"of course it's not what you meant," she spat back, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "you always know what's best, don't you?"

you closed your eyes, the weight of the situation pressing down on you like a heavy burden. it wasn't supposed to end like this, with anger and accusations. 

but the reality of your relationship had become so tangled, so complex, that finding a way forward felt almost impossible.

“i'm not saying i know what's best," you said, your voice cracking with the effort to hold back tears. "i just thought maybe a break could help us both find some clarity."

she turned away from you, her fists balled as if trying to hold back the flood of emotions and her jaw clenched. "i can't do this right now. i can't talk about this."

you watched as she walked away, her steps hurried and determined. the restaurant felt cold and desolate, the aftermath of the conversation leaving you feeling hollow and defeated. 

it was supposed to be a chance to reconnect, to find a way back to each other, but instead, it had only driven a deeper wedge between you.

all the things i did

just so i could call you mine

the things you did

well, i hope i was your favorite crime

you didn’t really know what to call your relationship with minji after that. even though you were the one who tried to break up with her, you couldn’t help but feel guilty about it.

maybe you were wrong all along? what if it wasn’t minji’s fault, but rather your own? she was still trying, right?

in the days that followed your encounter at the restaurant, you found yourself replaying the conversation over and over in your mind. doubt gnawed at you, and you began to question whether your decision to suggest a break was the right one. 

after all, minji had come to meet you, she had taken time out of her busy schedule, and you had essentially rejected her.

seeing her upset and angry had left a pit in your stomach, a nagging feeling that perhaps you hadn't fully considered the consequences of your actions. the guilt weighed heavily on you, a constant reminder that relationships were complex and messy, and your attempt to address the issues between you had only seemed to exacerbate them.

as the days turned into weeks, you found yourself missing minji more than ever. the silence between you was deafening, and the space that had grown between you felt like an insurmountable chasm. you wondered if you had pushed her away for good, if your efforts to address the issues had only served to drive her further away.

you couldn't help but notice how minji continued to appear in the media, performing with her group, smiling for the cameras, all the while masking the turmoil that had once been so evident between you. it was as if she had moved on effortlessly, while you were left grappling with the remnants of a relationship that felt more shattered than ever.

the clock on your bedroom wall glared at you with the numbers 9:55 pm. minji was still awake, she always was at this time. you memorized her practice schedule during the talking stage with her.

it was a bit ironic that you remembered her daily schedule but you couldn’t seem to remember to eat or sleep.

the past few weeks had been a whirlwind of emotions, and the attempt to repair your relationship with minji had left you emotionally drained. you were trying to rebuild what was broken, and it was proving to be both challenging and rewarding.

but it wasn't easy. the memories of your arguments and the pain you both felt still lingered, and they often invaded your thoughts, especially during these quiet moments when the world seemed to slow down. the disparity between minji's public persona and the reality you both faced weighed heavily on your heart.

as you sat there, staring at the clock, a surge of emotions swept over you. you missed her more than words could express, and you longed for the love you once felt from the girl. 

yet, there was a lingering fear that the cracks in your relationship might be too deep to mend completely. the doubt, the insecurity, and the uncertainty gnawed at you, reminding you that love alone might not be enough to heal the wounds that had formed.

you picked up your phone, your fingers hovering over the screen. maybe you should send her a message, just to let her know that you were thinking of her. 

it's bittersweet to think about the damage that we do

'cause i was going down, but i was doing it with you

your fingers typed and erased over and over again, the indecision evident in your actions. the glow of your phone's screen illuminated the dim room, casting a faint light on your contemplative expression. the cursor blinked in the text box as you struggled to find the right words.

"i miss you,” you typed and then hesitated, your thumb hovering over the send button. it was a simple message, but it held so much weight. would it be welcomed, or would it come across as too needy? you deleted the message and started again.

“how was your day?” you tried, hoping for a more casual approach. but as soon as the words appeared on the screen, they felt inadequate, empty even. minji deserved more than a simple inquiry about her day.

with a frustrated sigh, you locked your phone and placed it on the table. you leaned back in your chair, your thoughts a swirl of emotions. the turmoil within you mirrored the unease you felt about your relationship. it was as if your actions on your phone screen were a microcosm of the larger struggle you were facing.

part of you wanted to reach out, to bridge the gap that had formed, to show minji that you were still here, still committed to trying. 

but the other part of you was afraid—afraid of rejection, afraid of making things worse, afraid of being a burden to her busy life.

yeah, everything we broke, and all the trouble that we made

but i say that i hate you with a smile on my face

as the minutes turned into hours, you found yourself lost in your thoughts, a battle raging within you. the screen of your phone remained dark, untouched, a silent testament to your internal struggle. the clock ticked on, and the night grew deeper, but your heart felt heavy with the weight of indecision.

finally, you gave a resigned sigh, realizing that you couldn't keep grappling with this forever. with a determined exhale, you unlocked your phone once more. your fingers tapped out a message, slower this time, each word chosen carefully.

"hi minji, i've been thinking about us. i miss what we had, and i'm willing to work on things if you are. i don't want to push you, but i just wanted you to know that i'm here, whenever you're ready to talk."

you read and reread the message, the words holding your hopes and vulnerabilities. with a trembling hand, you pressed the send button, watching as the message flew off into the digital void. the anxiety settled in once again, the seconds stretching out.

the room was silent, save for the soft hum of the clock on the wall. the minutes passed, and you felt a mix of anticipation and dread. 

oh, look what we became

somewhere between now and the moment you had sent the text, you couldn’t help but feel like something was off. you picked up your phone again, only to be met with a blank screen of no notifications. 

all the things i did

just so i could call you mine

when you scrolled back to the conversation, you noticed your message didn’t say it had been delivered. confused, you decided to double check her schedule by looking online. was she flying somewhere right now?

as you searched for any information about minji's schedule, you felt a growing sense of unease. it wasn't like her not to respond, even if she was busy. and the fact that your message hadn't even been delivered left you feeling a mix of frustration and concern.

you clicked on various fan sites and social media platforms, hoping to find a clue about her whereabouts. but your search yielded no answers—no mentions of her current activities, no updates on her schedule.

the clock on your wall ticked away, and you found yourself trapped in a cycle of uncertainty. the more you searched, the more your anxiety grew. what if something had happened? what if she was in trouble or facing an emergency?

all the things you did

well, i hope i was your favorite crime

finally, after what felt like an eternity of scrolling, you stumbled upon a tweet from a fan account. it mentioned that minji's group finally had a break in their schedules for the first time in months.

your heart sank as you read those words. minji was still here in seoul. 

but if she was still here in the city, why wasn’t your message going through?

your favorite crime

moving to her contact once again, you about calling her. you missed her, you loved her, and you wanted to let her know that you were sorry for not understanding her.

even though none of it was your fault in the first place. 

your favorite crime

your thumb pressed on the call button and you brought the device to your ear. the sound of your heart pounded in your head and your hands shook.

would she be mad? would she be happy to hear from you? or maybe she would feel just as sorry as you were feeling right now? 

surely she can’t miss you less than you miss her, right?

'cause baby, you were mine

the number you have dialed is not in service at this time…

a/n: this was literally so rushed im sorry LMAOOO

#kim minji #newjeans fic #newjeans #newjeans x reader #angst #kim minji x reader #minji x reader #wlw #kpop #kpop oneshot #newjeans oneshot #perfectsunlight

[deadpool15]

Roomate part 1

This is some dumb fucking shit. How can someone be this bad at their job, while sitting here smiling in my fucking face. "So, explain to me, umm, what was your name again?" Mika said, staring at the realtor with absolute disgust and annoyance. "Just Kim would be fine, sweetheart," he states, staring me up and down with a flirty expression. "Yea, that's amazing. I'm gonna call you bitch ass, you cool with that?" I stated watching his face completely drop. "So, since this very kind women can't talk to you like a fucking adult, I'm just gonna talk to you like the man child you mother obviously failed to raise. Now, would you be a dear and tell me how exactly does someone manages to sell a place to two different people with knowing. We obviously don't fucking look or sounds anything alike. Therefore, that rolls out that pathetic ass excuse. I should whoop your ass bitch-."

As I went to jump on him, the unknown woman that was standing next to me grabbed me. Holding me while apologizing, causing the man to immediately leave in fear. "OK ok you can stop now, Ms." I roughly back away from her casting her to put up her hands in the air as a showcase of surrender. "I know we are in a bit of a predicament here, but the papers have already been finalized. Plus, this place is more than big enough for the both of us, so we can just share it." I stared her down before laughing and shaking my head. "If you fuck up, I'll whoop your ass too."

And well, that's how me and bada met. At first, there was a bit of hostile energy, mainly from my side. I wasn't really sure about her, like I was judging her character before I let the real me out. Then, it all changed one night. She randomly got home from a long ass day of working, saying she needed some self-care immediately. I mean, true enough, I wasn't so sure about her yet, but I'm not a monster, and a girl in need is simply a girl in need. I sat her on the couch while we did face masks and painted each other's nails. She was a little on the rocky side about the nails, but I managed to talk or more so threaten her into it. After a while, we started talking about life. I learned she had a boyfriend named Howl, strange ass name.

"Wait so like when you two fuck, do you moan out howl or just government name. Because u fucking can't right now." I said laughing and hitting the coach, while bada sat there embarrassed and pushing me over. "I mean, I don't know. Like I don't really sit there and think about it." She says shyly. "What about you?" "Oo I don't do relationships, I mean, it's enough me to go around right. Plus, this pussy game is crazy, will have a motherfucker all obsessive and shit." She stares atcthe ground shocked. "Wow, are all Americans like this?" "Like what?"Just open and out there." I chuckle before adjusting myself on the seat. "To be honest, babes, I mean sex is sex. We are adults we should be able to talk about it freely. Plus, Korea is just really hush hush and polite about that stuff."

That night, Bada and i bonded. We became like sisters. Telling each other everything. I even met her man. They were a hot couple. I could see why they would go for each other. But that's pretty much all about Howl. we got to know each other to a certain degree. I mean, at the end of the day, girl code still exists, and it's something i truly ride and believe in, sisters over misters, you know. Like him and Bada would help pick out my outfits and stuff. Like right now. "So, what do you think?" I ask both of them as they are sitting on my bed eating snacks. "Don't you think they are a bit revealing?" Howl said while opening up another bag of the hot fries I had shipped here, while bada shoke her head, agreeing with him. "First of all, I'm a grown ass woman who is everything but insecure so I can show off. Secondly, shawty was fine in that pic she sent me, so she must wanna see all this. So, which one sluty sexy or sluty cute."

Each outfit was revealing yet gave a different vibe. I never questioned why Howl was protective over me, shit I thought he saw me as his little sister like Bada. Boy was I fucking wrong. I started showing then the messages between me and mystery women. She was a hot masc with a long wolf cut. And the entire conversation basically consists of us trying to have phone sex. But why sit in bed and play with myself when I can have her do it for me. "Wow, you two really are going to do this on the first date?" Bada asked while staring at me, looking slightly nervous, yet I couldn't understand why. To be honest, they both had been acting weird lately. They were like my best friends, so I wanted to know what was happening but didn't wanna drag it on. Maybe it's nothing. "Now you know I don't plan on dating that girl. Anyways, I'm sticking with sexy, so I'll be back and you two can do anything you horny fucks can thing of. Except fucking on my bed. Move it along weirdos." I tell them walking out the house.

"What the fuck, this shit is getting out of hand, Bada I thought we agreed to tell her?" Howl said angrily thinking about all the things Mika could be doing right now with that girl, she had been gone for hours. "I know, this is hard for me too. But we can't just tell her out of the blue. Hey, me and my boyfriend are totally in love with you, and I know you don't do relationships, but are you willing to date us, so we can finally call you ours and stop listening to you fuck other people." Bada stated basically yelling at him. "We just need to tell her this is bullshit-"

Before they could finish their conversation, they heard something slam against the door, startling them both. The sounds kept repeating as if someone was trying to get in, causing Howl to immediately grab Bada and place her behind him, thinking someone was trying to break into the apartment. "Are we being robbed?" Bada asks Howl in slight fear, but before he could defend them, both Mika comes crashing through the door, drunk as shit. With what seems to be her date. Both of them kissed and basically dry humping each other with clothes on, paying no mind to the people in the house. Mika moves her hand trying to lock the door before, the unknown woman grabs her neck shoves her knee into pussy, making sure to rub away all the tension. They both moan into each other's mouths and finally lock the door stumbling into her room, still without acknowledging her fellow roommate and boyfriend.

As they bedroom door abruptly closes shut, they are now finally out of the eye sight of Bada and Howl, who are seething in anger. "I thought you said they weren't gonna work out, jackass?" Bada whisper yelled at Howl, hitting him in the shoulder. Though he can't even find the time to register the pain before all they can hear is the sound of the bed creeks against the wall. "They shouldn't have, I mean, they don't have anything in common. What the fuck does she has that we don't?" "We are telling her tomorrow, I don't care what we have to do but she is gonna know. We can't go on like this. It's supposed to be the three of us, ok?" Howl says while grabbing Bada's cheeks, looking into her eyes for reassurance. She nods along.

"Y-yes... shit.... right there.... ughhh... fuck me...". Bada turns to looks at the door with a sour expression, "but let's go, I refuse to listen to this shit any longer. Not when we can obviously make her moan way louder then that." Howl just smiles for a moment and nods, "exactly baby let's not feed into negatively. She will be ours by tomorrow night."

(See, I know yall are waiting on the mommy duties part 2 fic, but I just got sick as fuck and I feel like garbage. But I don't want yall to think I'm one of those writers that's coming up with a new excuse every week, so I will try my best to work on it, babes. Now tell me if yall feel like roommate pt.2 would be a good idea or nah?)

#swf2 #street woman fighter 2 #street woman fighter x reader #bada lee x reader #bada lee

[bowiebond]

Five Years Later | Harringrove | Blind!Steve

“No one told me. That you, uh…”

“Went blind?” Steve chuckled, eyes crinkling as he leaned towards his voice. “My hearings not amazing either, so don’t go getting shy.” He joked.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise.” Billy spoke louder, clearer, and Steve laughed.

“You left.” He stated a fact but it made Billy shifted, uncomfortable at the acknowledgement of his sudden departure. “For years. The only person who could contact you was Max, and she rarely spoke to us about you. We didn’t really ask either, honestly.”

“I was a dick.” Billy shrugged, rubbing at his chest. “While I was in hospital, my mother contacted me. Asked me to live with her while I recovered. I jumped at the chance to get away, talked to Max maybe twice a year. I wasn’t…I’m not as abled as I used to be either. I have to sleep with a tank every night so my body doesn’t forget how to breathe.” He said it in a joking tone, but Steve’s face fell with sympathy.

“God, that must suck.”

“Well, at least I can see.” Billy adjusted his glasses. “With help. I wear glasses now.”

“Really?” Steve grinned, not taking offence to his jab. “God, I wish I could see that. Billy Hargrove, wearing dorky frames.”

“They’re not dorky. They’re cool.” Billy insisted and Steve only laughed.

“Oh, they’re definitely dorky if you’re trying to prove otherwise. Come on, lemme feel.” Steve reached out a hand, missing Billy entirely before he backed it up until he felt Billy’s hand encase his. Billy moved the hand from in front of his nose, taking his thumb gently and guiding it along the rim of his frames, like he would do with Max.

Steve’s lips created a small ‘o’, eyes widened as his brows jumped up.

“They’re sleek. And cold.”

“Wire-frames. On the thicker side to count for the weight of the glass. My eye sight is awful without them.” He chuckled, letting go of his hand and allowing the man to skim his fingers over his features.

In the past, Steve’s face hadn’t hidden much, but now, he was an open book. He expressed himself so freely, unaware of it or perhaps making up for his empty gaze out of habit, and it was a little startling.

“You finally grew out your lame moustache?” He rubbed his finger over his upper lip and snorted.

“Shut up.” Billy knocked his hand away and shook his head. “Dick.”

“No, no, it’s nice. Feels nice.” Steve reassured with a near giggle. “This is nice.”

“What is?”

“Seeing you again. Figuratively.” He added with a chuckle before he sobered. “I know we…weren’t ever close. But I kind of wished we could have been sometimes. That maybe…if you hadn’t been alone, that night you got possessed, you wouldn’t have been. Wouldn’t have left so soon.” Steve pursed his lips and turned his head away, facing forward in his seat as he played with his hands. “You wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

“It’s not so bad. I mean, I have nightmares sometimes still, and recovery sucked, and I can’t have the one night stands I used to because the old girl keeps ‘em up and sleeping next to a guy wearing a hospital mask is kind of…unsettling.” Billy sighed and shrugged. “But that’s life. Weirdly enough, it got better after I left. Despite everything. My mom and I had our arguments, but we’re closer now. Same with Max. We’re all a lot closer. And I’m glad. I’m not what I once was, but the new me at least is happier.”

Steve smiled softly.

“I’m glad too then. That you left.” Steve reached out, catching his bicep and running his hand down his forearm, following the line of it until he found his hand. He squeezed it once, as if to make sure he had it before simply holding his hand with a small smile. “I’m even more glad you came back.”

Billy looked down at his hand, turning his over to hold it back. He squeezed gently, looking back up at Steve’s side profile, his soft dark hair falling into his unfocused brown eyes. His moles and the stubble on his jaw, the faint scar on his cheek.

“Me too.” He said softly and Steve hummed.

“What was that?” He blinked a few times and Billy smirked, leaning in closer.

“I said, ‘me too’.” He clarified and Steve grinned, a soft laugh escaping his lips.

“Shitty hearing.” He excused out of habit.

“I know. I’ll try to remember.” Billy’s eyes sparkled as he grinned. Not like Steve could make fun of him for his dopey expression.

He could stare at Harrington as much as he liked now, he would just have to learn to be a little louder to get his feelings across.

#billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #blind steve harrington #disabled!billy hargrove

[time-travelling-chaos]

There is a nice parallel to be made between the good omens kiss and the in stars and time one. (And also I've you've only seen/played one of them, go have a look at the other, it's worth it, both are really great and with great queer reps)

Ok so first of all, the obvious one (except for the fact that it is a queer kiss), the posture, with one of the characters grabbing the other one to kiss him. And along with it the fact that it wasn't fully consensual for any of these for the character being kissed. (And of course, both of them broke my heart)

The character dynamic here is interesting as well. In this context I find Crowley and Siffrin to be quite similar (while in other circumstances I could find more similarities between Siffrin and Aziraphale). They are both desperate, and lost, and they both struggle to express their feelings.

But also they are both the one to have more freedom than their partner. It is quite obvious between Isabeau and Siffrin. Siffrin is the only one aware of the time loop, Isabeau is... repeating. He has no awarness of the situation and doesn't have any power over it. On the other hand, Aziraphale's situation is not that desperate. He knows what is happening, and he has some power over it (how much, we don't know yet) but je doesn't have a choice either. He cannot tell no to Heaven, not without putting himself and Crowley in danger. So this leaves Crowley and Siffrin the only ones able to (relatively) act freely, even if they don't have much control either.

And both of them are terrified and confused, and sad.

Because of that, the kiss is done for the bad reason, it is not a kiss of love (not that love is not present but it is not the main purpose of the kiss). Here, the kiss is a desperate one, tant is made in a tentative to change thing, to get control over the situation. Siffrin is desperate for a change, to experience something new, and to stop repeating the same things again and again. Crowley is desperate to not lose Aziraphale once more. And none of them have been able to express their feelings fully before, despote trying. So it is an awful kiss, showing despair and the characters losing hope and trying to regain control over circumstances that are starting to escape them.

But also, I think the most important point here, is that whether we are talking about Aziraphale/Crowley or Isabeau/Siffrin, they love each other. And that is not enough at the moment. Love cannot fix everything. And it isn't the good time for any of them. Before they are able to develop their relationship, they need to solve the things going on in the world, because otherwise they won't be able to be together safely (for A/C) or at all (for I/S and maybe A/C as well).

And of course, it doesn't end well. With the 'I forgive you' from Aziraphale and Isabeau pushing Siffrin away (which is a normal reaction here for both of them, even if it hurts them). Then, the characters go their separate way, with Crowley leaving the bookshop and Aziraphale going to Heaven, and Siffrin looping back.

But if love cannot fix everything, this kiss doesn't destroy every chance of a relation either. Isabeau and Siffrin are able to heal, and to end up in a situation where they are safe, and finally able to express their feelings for each other and to forgive each other.

And it will be the same for Aziraphale and Crowley, given a little more time.

#good omens #in stars and time #isat spoilers #good omens kiss #in stars and time kiss #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #siffrin × isabeau #everything will be okay

[loki-is-my-kink-awakening]

I wanted to talk about Extraordinary Things and the Geraskier and Radskier elements in the song.

Forgive me if this has been done or is rather obvious. This is just me musing over the lyrics.

Keep your words on ice

Your gaze lights the fire

How many campfires did this happen? Jaskier doing his best to drag even a few words from Geralt while the witcher glares at the fire as if his eyes are stoking the flame.

But eyes of fire really speak of Radovid, too. He may speak more than Geralt did when Jaskier first met him, but there's a lot he doesn't say in words that he says in his eyes.

They say, "Keep on playing nice"

But I have no desire

Jaskier cannot be contained. It's why I love him. He will not be forced into a box. He contains multitudes.

But these lines speak of struggle. Jaskier could be at court if he wanted to, he's a viscount, but he has no desire to be that person. He needs the freedom of the wild.

And the two people that represent this struggle are Radovid (a life at court) and Geralt (freedom/out in the wild). It's kinda obvious who Jaskier is going to choose even without considering what Joey said in interviews (that Jaskier will have a choice, but it isn't a choice for him, he will always choose his found family).

Jaskier has no desire to stay at court, even for love.

Why waste our words

When lips were made for extraordinary things

Jaskier can talk. He can express himself in his songs and with words. But there's some things that can only be truly communicated through a kiss.

And let's face it, Jaskier has waited so long to communicate his feelings for Geralt. He wouldn't waste words any longer, he'd want to show his feelings.

It also links to the later lyrics of unspoken words between them.

With Radovid, there isn't any need to talk because it becomes clear how he feels about Jaskier through singing his song.

But also there is so much they cannot discuss because Jaskier needs to protect his found family.

Kissing Radovid is safer. Jaskier can communicate his feelings that way and can feel Radovid's feelings for him in deeds, not words.

It's not a want, it's a need

It is paying no heed to what others say to sing

Jaskier has never paid any heed to what others said of his songs or singing. But that is also a mask to protect himself.

Geralt told him not to write any songs about him. Jaskier did it anyway.

There's probably others who have told Jaskier not to write songs about them or Geralt that I've forgotten.

But "it's not a want, it's a need" is just so evocative of his heart the love he gives freely, and of him letting his creativity flow through him.

That creativity is something Radovid greatly admires. And I think Radovid also wants to play no heed to what others want him to do; he just isn't as free as Jaskier (the pretty songbird).

Ultimately, what Jaskier really wants is for someone to see him, like he sees others, and for that person to still have a visceral want for him once seeing him.

People have wanted him, his body, his time, his usefulness. Loved ones have finally accepted him as a friend and family member. No one yet has wanted all of him, the magnitudes he contains, the bad parts and the good, the real him. Mainly because he's never had someone pierce his armour.

And if Radovid is using Jaskier I swear to the gods I will rain merry hell on him.

The greatest songs are made up of unspoken words of love

Of them I have had enough

All of Jaskier’s songs contain some element of his love for Geralt. He is his muse, after all.

We all know Her Sweet Kiss and Burn, Butcher, Burn contain it most obviously.

And it's interesting here that we get Jaskier saying he's had enough of writing his love for Geralt. There's only so much you can continue to pour out and not get anything back.

And so, Jaskier has decided that his love for Geralt is platonic as a way to protect himself. If he's not wanting, he can't be hurt.

But we all know when Jaskier said that his love for Geralt is platonic, that it is a lie he is telling himself. Vespula wasn't fooled.

But it's interesting that we clearly see Jaskier longing for the real love he craves in these lyrics. And I don't want to take away the amazing aromatic headcanon for Jaskier or Geraskier having a queen platonic relationship, but there is a longing that is unfulfilled, whatever way you interpret that to be.

That longing can be fulfilled with Radovid.

With you, I have enough

With you, I am enough

I am enough

Again, I see Jaskier saying he is enough with Geralt just to be his friend. After all his years struggling to be his friend and also wanting more, it's interesting to see this friendship now settled as soon as Jaskier stops seeking more.

And a big part of that change between them has to be down to Geralt becoming a father and learning to open his heart to caring about those around him.

But with Radovid, Jaskier gets to be vulnerable, properly vulnerable with his heart. He does feel enough in Radovid's eyes, and that is truly for the first time.

Vespula knows Jaskier, but he doesn't let himself be truly vulnerable with his heart there. He lies about his feelings for Geralt to her (and himself). He gives his body, but does he give his heart? I would say no. They are close in many ways, but not emotionally, not in vulnerability.

Drop the sweet disguise

Your heart's beating too loud

The fairy tales and little lies can't drown out all the sound

We all know about Geralt's disguise: that witchers don't need no one or that they don't have feelings. In S3, we see this façade lift. Geralt shows his true self to Ciri as her father, Jaskier as his friend, and Yennefer as a partner when he forgives her.

Radovid wears a disguise. He's the drunk fool to those who cannot see it. But Jaskier can, because Jaskier also wears a disguise, something Joey commented on in at least one interview.

And I feel like this disguise is definitely shown on screen when Jaskier is with Vespula. He has feelings for her, obviously strong ones, but they aren't the same as his feelings for Geralt or Radovid.

He definitely tells Vespula more than he tells his other lovers. But Vespula isn't looking for Jaskier to be "the only one" for her. She is still pretty switched on about Jaskier’s heart.

So take this heart

And break this heart

For extraordinary things

Geralt has broken Jaskier's heart already. And now Jaskier seems to be settled into the role of friend with his "platonic" love.

And Geralt is an extraordinary thing to Jaskier. Nothing will take that away, not even heartbreak.

But the thing is, Jaskier isn't ready to give his heart truly to Geralt completely. In pieces, yes. The clear barrier of "He's my friend, that's it" has been set (for now).

But with Radovid we see Jaskier let go of his mask, drop down his armour and allow Radovid in. It could very well break his heart, but that won't stop him from loving Radovid.

He has become an extraordinary thing to Jaskier.

For all the years we have watched Jaskier longing, to finally see him with someone is amazing. I don't want his heart broken, but I know we have to accept that it's going to happen.

And here, for the first time since The Mountain, we have Jaskier willing to have it broken again.

Because without taking a chance on being fulfilled and happy, what are we?

Thanks for reading.

#geraskier #radskier #jaskier #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x radovid #geralt of rivia #radovid #the witcher #the witcher season 3 #the witcher spoilers #extraordinary things #long post #my meta

[sideprince]

I don't know if you have already answered this question: is there something in Snape's life that you wanted to see in The Price's Tale? For example, I think we deserved more information about "the prank".

I haven't yet! Sorry it's taken me so long to get to this ask...

There are definitely moments I wish had been included in The Prince's Tale, but I feel like it's difficult to separate what's in it/what's missing from it from Rowling's own issues as a writer and the way they intersect with Snape's story, or rather, how she tells it. Namely, her issues around writing women and her lack of research and minimal understanding of radicalization and fascist movements. Not to be a downer, because I feel like this is a very fun ask that's probably more about having curiosity around the character of Snape and playing around with what may have been there that we didn't see, but I can't help feeling that those moments are missing often because of what Rowling herself was overlooking or not thinking of.

I wish there were moments between him and Lily that showed us why they were best friends. It can't just be because they were the only magical kids in Cokeworth. There isn't one scene we see between them where Lily is affectionate or their mutual chemistry is apparent, not even a wry smile. The closest scene is when they're laying in the grass by the river as kids and Lily is asking him about the magical world. We understand through Snape's memories that he had a great deal of love for Lily, but it's not really apparent why. Rowling's issues with writing women as fully developed, interesting characters gets in the way, and although we're told they were close friends, we're never shown it. I'd have loved to see a moment or two where we see why they clicked. It could have been woven into the existing story as simply as the two of them exchanging a wordless criticism with just a shared look in the compartment on the Hogwarts Express when James and Sirius were being mean.

But it could also have been something more meaningful - after all, these are Snape's final thoughts, the most important moments of his life that connect to the information he needs to convey to Harry. Maybe a birthday gift Lily gave him, something small, a book she bought that she saved up her allowance for, and the impact on Snape of her putting thought and effort into it. I honestly would have loved something even as simple as just seeing Lily's humor and Snape's - not just him smiling when she says his name, but the two of them laughing freely. The tragedy of that lost friendship would have hit even more if we had seen a mutual affection, an understanding between two best friends, and an innocence that was consumed by a war and their separation into rival houses.

I also wish we had seen any of Snape's home life. We get the impression that he didn't like to talk about it too much and that Lily may not have quite understood how bad it was (given that Rowling has said that Snape's dad beat him with a belt, and the only reference to his home life we see is Lily asking if his parents have stopped arguing, plus the glimpse of them doing just that when Harry breaks into Snape's mind in OOtP). We have a couple of allusions to Snape's relationship with his mother:

He knows a fair bit about the wizarding world, including about dementors and Azkaban, what to expect at Hogwarts, and the Statute of Secrecy. Presumably, as there don't seem to be other wizards in Cokeworth, his mother has told him about these things. Either that or he overheard her talking to someone else/read her letters to someone/found information on it among her things (like wherever she kept her textbooks that he would inherit).

When Lily asks him, “Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?” Snape hesitates before replying no. This implies that he's aware of pureblood bias in the wizarding world, and is making a decision about how much of his knowledge to share with Lily, or perhaps about his own stance on it. (There's something lovely in his perceiving her insecurity and choosing to shield her from knowledge that would exacerbate it.)

On the train platform, Eileen is described as, “thin, sallow-faced, sour-looking” as well as greatly resembling Severus.

This isn't much to go on, but we can reasonably infer a complicated relationship, and a woman who is emotionally closed off and/or judgmental. She's a wizard who dresses her son in hand-me-downs so either she's not very good at transfiguration or she doesn't care about him enough to allow him the basic dignity of clothes that fit and make him comfortable. I would have loved to have seen a moment or two in Snape's memories that show his relationship with his parents, and they could have been a good opportunity to also show his (possibly codependent?) relationship with Lily as he goes to her for comfort after. I don't think she would have consciously offered him any, but rather that she was a way for him to escape his home life and convince himself that he was fine. His closed-off response when Lily asks him if his parents are still fighting implies that the subject has come up before, but also that Lily doesn't understand how bad the situation is and Snape doesn't want her to (which makes sense, most abused children don't realize how abnormal and extreme their experiences are - we accept the norms we're presented with). There could have even been something as simple as Snape showing him mom a new bit of magic he learned to do and her trying to suppress it in him lest his father see and get upset, and him then showing his new skill to Lily who appreciates it and tries to learn it. This is just an example, but it would have shown a tense dynamic at home in which Eileen prioritizes not angering Tobias to protect Severus, who as a child would only perceive a kind of rejection that he seeks Lily out to replace with validation. This would make sense in the dynamic Rowling set up, and is more complex and interesting than his "greedy" looks and Lily's questions about the wizarding world.

(Before I move on from the Snape and Lily childhood moments, I also want to say, I really don't like Rowling's use of the word "greedy" in The Prince's Tale. It feels aggressive and judgmental, and also out of place in describing a child who lives in abject poverty. My assumption is that what she meant was more of a hunger in Snape's face, or perhaps a determined ambition to get to know Lily, which would align with how his personality is otherwise written.)

The other thing I would have loved to see more of is his Death Eater arc. The whole point of Snape giving these memories to Harry is to explain himself, and convince him to listen to Dumbledore's instructions at the end (which, btw, Dumbledore's portrait could have done, but we all love a bit of drama, so fair). The idea that Snape defected from the DEs only because Lily's life was threatened feels like a weak character motivation and is one of the many ways that Rowling illustrates her naivete and lack of understanding of fascist movements, their use of radicalization as a tool to prey on vulnerable people, and their cult-like dynamics (and that's probably why she fell victim to radicalization herself). I've written a little bit about it before (please don't make me find the link), but I think that Voldemort's going after Lily wasn't the catalyst in Snape's defection, but the final thread that snapped.

When he and Lily argue outside Gryffindor Tower after SWM he doesn't deny it when she accuses him of wanting to be a Death Eater, but he also doesn't own it. He doesn't take pride in it and try to convince her that if only she understood what he does, she would get it. By that point he's been established as an ambitious boy who knew what house he wanted to be sorted in even before starting school - when Lily is sorted into Gryffindor, Snape is sorted into Slytherin so quickly that it's clear he hadn't even considered changing his mind in order to follow Lily. He scoffs at James on the train when he says he wants to be a Gryffindor. It can therefore be assumed that Snape isn't refraining from arguing with Lily because he's deferring to her opinion or trying to appease her. While an argument could be made that he lost his confidence through years of bullying by that night outside Gryffindor Tower, I think that, if anything, that would have made him feel an even stronger need to identify with a group like the aspiring DEs in Slytherin. There's also a bit of a disconnect between the way Lily refers to him and his friends wanting to join Voldemort and be DEs, and no one having come to Snape's defense that afternoon, not even from his own house.

And while this has veered off a bit into meta, my point is: Snape's experiences of becoming a Death Eater and eventually defecting seem complex and I would have loved to have been shown more of it. It would have been a useful thing to convey to Harry as well. Was there a moment when he became disillusioned? Was there a moment when he started feeling shame? Maybe he thought, as someone who had been bullied for years and abused at home, that once he was on the other side of that experience and in a position of power over someone else, he would feel confident and secure and safe. Maybe the first time he experienced being in that position, he instead felt pity and shame and it was like having the rug pulled out from under him. Revenge is never as satisfying as you think it will be, and something either happened to Snape, or was maybe always there, to make him choose to treat Sirius humanely at the end of PoA and hand him over to the authorities instead of using the excuse to wreak vengeance on him firsthand. I'd have loved to see moments that show us his growth as a person - profound realizations in volatile circumstances that prompted him to find a way out from Voldemort's ranks, and maybe a glimpse of how dangerous that way out was.

Rowling held so much back about Snape - a complex, grey, nuanced character - in order to drop this big reveal about him and Lily at the end of DH. When she finally told his story, all of it was focused around Lily, a character who wasn't developed and who we only see being reactive. The veil is lifted on Snape but only enough to show that he had a deep love for Lily (who, by the way, I think he would have referred to as Lily Evans even after her death, not Potter, and I will fight Rowling on this but then I'd fight her on a lot of much more important things so that's not saying much). We still don't find out much about Snape's life, background, or experiences, and even less about Lily. I wish there had been a lot more to The Prince's Tale than "sorry kid, I did it all for your mom because of my guilt in failing her as a friend." It's one of those moments that feels exciting when you first read it, but the potential to build it out into something that improves on re-reading the books was kind of lost.

And yes! We absolutely deserved more information about the prank! Could have been great to see Lupin bully Snape actively before it, and compare it to his lack of involvement in SWM. Could have been fascinating to see the dynamic between him and James as the latter tries to pull him back, or even the moment in Dumbledore's office where he's told to keep quiet, and how that moment contributed to his radicalization! Harry spends most of DH processing and questioning his relationship with Dumbledore and learning about him, and seeing Snape have a similar experience from the opposite direction would have been fantastic. Ie. where Harry venerates Dumbledore until DH when he begins to doubt him, Snape doubts Dumbledore and grows to trust and respect him over time. I'm sure there's more that I could think of, but this answer is already incredibly long so I'll leave it here for now.

#asks #long post #yamsi95

[valraelo]

Characters: Lillandlas (thalmor oc), Araelo (oc), (mentioned) Valrandil (oc)

Warnings: Fictional racism

It hadn't been easy for Araelo to get used to thalmor presence in his home but he didn't have any choice on whether they stayed or not, so then his only option was to deal with it.

He had smelled it on one of the two invaders as soon as they had been in the same room as him, he smelled of beast, and, while he did think this would have meant war between him and the justiciar, the little smiles he had been blessed with whenever they had been near each other had told him that perhaps he could find a pack mate in him, rather than a foe.

They never properly spoke, he was always either with his companion or with Valrandil, and he dare not reveal someone else's beast blood to others around him in case they might not be aware of it already, he could not possibly betray one of his own in that manner.

It was on a beautiful sunny day that he finally saw the chance to speak to him, as he saw him lying on the grass outside, near the lake, basking in the sun in his birthday suit. He wasn't sure if he would shoo him away considering the condition he was in, but he thought it was best to give it a shot while he had an opportunity.

His skin was a beautiful golden colour, which of course is the norm for altmer, but his was especially golden; his hair though did not share the same colour, being a white purer than his own hair. His face was shaved but the rest of his body was incredibly hairy, certainly a lot more than Valrandil's. When one looked at him compared to others it was very clear he had beast blood in him.

He approached the altmer carefully and, once he felt he was close enough, he cleared his throat to make his presence known.

The thalmor placed a hand over his eyes, shielding them from the sun, and turned to look at him.

"Ah, the big bad wolf, so nice to get to talk with you. Do sit down."

And with that he closed his eyes again and rested his arm behind his head.

Araelo did as he was told.

"My name is Araelo." He introduced himself.

"Lillandlas, but you must have already heard the others say it."

He had, Lillandlas' name had been said much more than his own, in fact there wasn't a single time that he had been called by his name, always being referred to as “the bosmer”.

“I had no idea Valrandil was friends with the thalmor.”

He tried to be careful with his words, not wanting to sound like he was upset about this.

“He's more friends with my colleague than me, I just tag along.”

His tone was light hearted, he didn't seem bothered.

“How come you're visiting for so long?”

“There aren't many places where we can express ourselves so freely.” “Is this about your beast blood or you being lovers?”

Araelo only realised what he had said after it had slipped from his lips, Lillandlas and his colleague had not spoken openly about anything regarding their love lives, he was being incredibly rude with his question and he just hadn't noticed before it came out of his mouth.

Lillandlas laughed at his question.

“Of course you would know what we are, you can smell my blood and you can smell our sweat and semen, I can't keep any secrets from you.” He smiled fondly at Araelo, squinting as the sun was in his eyes.

“It's about both those things and my nudism, which I'm surprised you didn't mention in your list.”

“I'm sorry for bringing it up--your love life.” He tried to apologise, of course Lillandlas didn't seem upset but it was still in his best interest to not mess things up with him.

“It's okay, everyone essentially knows, we simply can't discuss it openly. It would interfere with our job.”

“Ah, that makes sense.”

“Is there something between you and Valrandil?”

Lillandlas certainly seemed comfortable, asking such questions, though Araelo had asked for it by starting the topic.

“If you asked him, he would say no.”

“And if I asked you?”

He pressed.

“I would have to say no too, I suppose. Valrandil will never show me his love, I am only a pest to him.”

“I didn't think so, he treats you like filth, but it is curious how he allows you to sleep in his home. Are you more of a servant?”

Araelo thought about it, was he a servant? Did he do anything around the house?

“I'm entertainment.”

“It's a shame slavery was abolished, you look like you would be very willing to be owned by him.”

Araelo chucked nervously, he didn't like where the conversation was headed.

He tried thinking of a new topic, he quickly asked the first question that came to mind.

"Do you feel no guilt having to murder people?"

It was a very sudden and bold question to ask, he briefly regretted it, worrying that Lillandlas might have a negative reaction to it.

"It's an execution, I'm simply enforcing the law."

His tone seemed completely calm, there was no trace of anger in it, and so he felt comfortable pressing for more.

"But it must feel bad to some extent, taking someone else's life just like that."

"Do you feel bad when you take a life?"

Araelo was taken aback by the question, it felt like an incredibly disrespectful one, though perhaps his own questions had been no less bad.

"Why are you assuming I have done that?" "You are a beast too, and none of us have gone without taking down prey, I doubt you've starved yourself."

He couldn't possibly be comparing murder to the overwhelming bloodlust one gets in their beast form.

"Well, it is different, I had lost control, I didn't mean to do it."

"Are you from Valenwood?"

Another surprising question, he didn't see what it had to do with anything they had talked about, still he answered it.

"Yes, I was born there." "Was your cannibalism guiltless too, then?"

Araelo furrowed his eyebrows, he didn't like whenever people insinuated he was a cannibal.

"How can you assume I ate people simply because I was born there?" "Is it true?"

Araelo didn't want to dignify such a question with an answer, but he did feel much pressure to do just that, and so he reluctantly answered. "Yes."

It didn't feel good to admit that the stereotype was completely true for him.

"Do you feel guilty for it?" "I always thought it was only food, and that it was what we had to do."

"Then mine were just orders to follow. It is what I have to do.

Lillandlas laid it out right then, clear as day, he was guiltless in his eyes, completely clear of sin, and though Araelo still did not agree with his actions, though he would never openly say so, he felt that that's where the conversation had to end, as the point had been made to him.

There was silence between them for a while until Lillandlas finally broke the silence.

“How well can you control your beast form, Araelo?”

Araelo was surprised at hearing his name coming from Lillandlas' lips, it was a sign of respect he didn't receive on the daily.

“I can turn on command as long as the moon is out, but once I turn I can't go back until morning.”

“Then tonight we are a pack. I will meet you outside the stables when the sun sets, don't make me wait too long.”

Araelo raised his eyebrows. A pack? He had never formed a pack with another person. The thought excited him, the idea seemed wonderful to him.

“I will meet you there.” -Cine

#altmer #bosmer #the elder scrolls #thalmor #skyrim #skyrim oc

[diana-bookfairchild]

@fluffbruary Bonus

Part 1 of 5

Prompt: Yearning

Telling stories of James and Lily was difficult.

Sirius could readily admit that to himself. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was Harry, and the fact that Harry had been denied this part of himself and his heritage for nearly six years now. So it didn’t matter that even saying his best friend’s name made him feel like he was seventeen again and drowning in sadness and memory.

What mattered was Harry sitting in front of him, Lily’s green eyes shining, wanting in a way he never was.

Getting Harry to tell anyone he wanted something was a bigger task than killing Voldemort. He had been so obviously scarred by the Dursleys in so many ways – but the biggest way, in Sirius’ opinion, was just how insignificant he considered himself.

Remus had told him to be patient, and Sirius wasn’t an idiot. He’d known he had to be.

And Harry had blossomed. He was still cautious, still careful not to ever openly state he wanted something, but he’d grown into the confident young man before him, who smiled freely while looking into his eyes.

“I’ll be fine, Sirius, really,” he was saying.

“You have Hedwig?” Sirius fussed anyway. “And the emergency portkey? And the snack bag? And you’re sure Susan is bringing Bambi?”

“Dad!” Harry laughed, and Sirius felt his heart skip a beat, like at every time Harry called him that. It wasn’t often – only casually emotional moments, but Sirius still loved it, he still treasured every time.

“Do you think my parents are haunting us?” Harry’d asked one day, and Sirius hadn’t been able to breathe for a moment through the pain and the memories, knowing his godson wasn’t asking about actual ghosts - that discussion, painful as it had been, had already taken place.

“I think—” he’d started carefully, knowing he was, for all that he was only twenty-nine and fresh out of Azkaban, one of the only true guides and grown-ups in Harry’s life, “That we can never know that for certain. But if you’re asking if that’s a bad thing, I don’t think it is.”

“Why?” Harry had frowned, swinging his legs, “Muggles always talk about ‘haunting’ like it’s a bad thing.”

Sirius had had many years to contemplate the intricacies of grief and how ephemeral life was, but he didn’t know how to express that other than through wildness - sex, alcohol, cigarettes and recklessness. “I don’t think it can be as obvious as good or bad,” he told the quiet boy finally. “But – we carry their love, their memories along with us on our own lives. And if they’re there, they not only see the bad stuff, but they see the good, they see the best.”

He hoped James and Lily hadn’t seen how their boy had been treated by his so-called blood family. He yearned to know if they thought he was doing a good job raising him.

At least he knew James would’ve never had a problem with Sirius taking on the mantle of ‘dad’. James had always, always wanted the people he loved to be happy, and nothing more or less. As long as both Sirius and Harry were happy, he would’ve been fine with it.

God, and Merlin, and everyone, he yearned for James.

“—eleven years old now. I’m all grown up!” Harry was saying importantly.

Sirius smiled and ruffled his hair. “You sure are, bud. Can’t blame an old man for being cautious, though, can you?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I know I call you old, Sirius, but you’re only thirty-one. That’s, like, youth for wizards.” He paused. “Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. Whatever. You’ll take care of Sanju, won’t you?”

“Mooncalves don’t really need caretaking, but yes, you know I will.” Sirius dragged Harry into another hug, telling himself not to cry. Harry wasn’t even on the Express yet, and Sirius already yearned for it to be Christmas.

This type of yearning, though, was much better than others.

“Be careful, okay?” He added quietly. “You know that there are other Noble Houses’ heirs in your year – many children of suspected Death Eaters.”

“I know,” Harry his beloved hooligan of a child was replaced by Harry the rising political and business star for a moment. “I’ll introduce myself to those I haven’t met before. I’ll try to find out the lay of the land before the vote.”

“Don’t forget to have fun, though. Explore the castle. Fly. Make some new friends.  Bask in first-year lessons, they get very hard soon. Just don’t challenge anyone to duels before you’ve gotten used to your wand. Don’t sneak out after curfew alone without telling anyone – someone should always know where you are.”

“I will, promise.” He hesitated, and then in a whisper so faint Sirius could barely catch it, “You’ll write?”

Sirius swallowed, wanting all over again to find and murder the Dursleys. “Of course. Are you kidding? And I want return letters from you at least three times a week. I don’t care what you put in them. Tell me what Ron has been eating, for all I care.”

Harry smirked. “That’d take three parchments at least.” 

The ten-minute warning whistle rang out. Sirius’ heart clenched as he hugged his godson one last time. “I love you, Harry.”

“Love you too, Sirius.” Harry blinked up at him as though he were about to cry. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, but just wait for it. At Christmas, you’ll be begging me to let you stay.”

Harry laughed. “I know I’ll love Hogwarts, but I promise, nothing will make me want to stay there when I can come home.”

Sirius swallowed. It was all he had yearned for, back in the first hard days when Harry had been so wary and so cold, when trust between them had seemed a hopeless thing. For Harry to consider his place home, and for him to be the kind of child James had been and Sirius and Remus had not: who loved Hogwarts, but never preferred it to their own home.

“Go find Ron, Susan and Neville,” he said. “Leave me to my maudlin musings.”

Harry clicked his tongue. “You are going out with Moony and the Weasleys tonight, right? No musing by yourself?”

“Yes, mother.”

“Harry!” They heard Ron’s voice, and turned to see the ginger boy waving enthusiastically through a window next to a hastily backing away Neville. “C’mon, mate! You’ll miss the train!”

“Coming!” Harry called back, and he turned, grinning brightly, to his godfather. “Bye, Sirius!”

“Bye, Harry.” He said softly, watching him climb onto the train, run to his friends’ compartment and collapse on the seat next to Susan, who was trying to get Bambi to behave. The haughty half-kneazle jumped onto its owner’s lap with a loud purr, and he could see Susan throw her hands up in exasperation.

“Sirius!” He heard Arthur call, and turned.

“Hey, Arthur,” he said. “Boys all aboard?” Ginny gave a sniff, peeking out from behind her father’s legs. “Don’t worry, Ginny, the year’ll fly by and you’ll be the one going to Hogwarts soon enough.”

The girl smiled weakly. “I hope so.”

“Are you okay, Sirius?” Arthur asked in an undertone. “The first time can be hard.”

He watched his godson squabble with his friends, punching Susan on the arm as he laughed. So different from the boy he’d been four years ago, when Sirius had first taken him in.

There would be dangers, he knew that, but he’d equipped Harry to the best of his ability to face them. He knew his godson would not shy away from adventure.

He was, after all, his parents’ son.

The train began to chug and move forward, thick smoke pouring out, and Ginny ran beside it, waving frantically to her brothers with tears running down her face.                                                                        

“Fred, get in the train properly! Ginny, come straight back!” He heard Molly scream, and laughed as he waved to Harry, who pressed his face to the window, grinning and waving back, jostling for a place there with Ron and Susan, who were also waving.

“I reckon we’ll be fine,” he replied to Arthur, feeling the yearning and yet the peace he’d made with it wrap around his heart.

#fluffbruary 2023 #fluffbruary #harry potter #sirius black raises harry potter #harry james potter #sirius black #fanfiction #fanfic #my very late submission for fluffbruary #father son relationship

[upwards-descent]

Blasphemy

There was a public park at the city's center next to a lovely pond where ducks frequented. Beside the pond was a large weeping willow and beneath that was a quaint bench. A humble bronze placard claimed the seat as a symbol of love, inscribed with the message "To Sylvia & Morton, who shared this bench every day for 50 wonderful years".

Auriel liked to run his fingertips over the inscription. He could feel their love, humming the soft magic that had been imbued into it. It hadn't been purposeful. Their love in life had been so pure, so eternal, that it could still be felt here. The thought always put a little smile on the angel's face.

Though he had no need to eat or sleep, Auriel enjoyed buying a hot dog from the nearby vendor and eating it on the bench, after which he would close his eyes and pretend to nap for about half an hour. The portly fellow who sold the snack knew his order by heart now and, as soon as he saw the tall slim figure of the angel weaving down the sidewalk, he would have a hot dog smothered in mustard and onions waiting for him. Sometimes he would refuse payment, saying Auriel had a demeanor about him that put him at ease. The angel didn't have to put in much effort to read the man; he was in his early 50's, a native to the city, with a wonderful wife, two children, and three grandchildren. His genetics were unfortunate and he had diabetes and a bad hip. Without his knowing, Auriel had been slowly healing the sweet man and now he could pilot his cart around without any aches or pains.

Auriel sank his teeth into the hot dog and chewed quietly. The air was growing cooler as fall approached. He ate the rest of the sausage then began tearing the bun into little morsels so he could feed them to the ducks. As the pile of crumbs built up in his lap, a shadow blotted out the sun. Auriel looked up and horror shot through his soul.

"Auriel?!" It was Barachiel, one of his angelic siblings. "Oh my stars, I finally found you, you fool!"

"Huh?" Auriel replied, eyes wide.

"You--" Barachiel leaned down and dropped her voice to a whisper. "You slew a god?! You killed Hāmmàr?!"

"Not on purpose," Auriel argued. It was hard to sound confident with such a mournful voice. "I only wanted to talk but he--"

"The situation doesn't matter, Auriel, you killed a GOD. You killed a GOD!"

"He wouldn't listen," Auriel found some confidence and sat up straight after realizing Barachiel's presence had made him shrink back. "I just wanted to talk. Aren't you also upset with how us angels are treated? Demons, mankind, gods, all get to bask in the bounty of the universe while we tend to transcribing history like dutiful little slaves."

"Blasphemy!" Barachiel squealed and flinched as if burned. "Auriel, you speak of blasphemy!"

The other angel gasped, loud and dramatic, while pointing at her younger sibling's face.

"Are those PIERCINGS?!" She hissed. "You've adorned your body-- ah! I see more!"

"Y'know what else?" Auriel paused before shoving a handful of bun crumbs into his mouth, making a show of chewing.

"EATING?!" Barachiel cried shrilly.

"I drink too," Auriel's voice was muffled by the food in his mouth. "Alcohol, I've been drunk! I've had sex--"

"AURIEL!!!" Barachiel moved to clamp a hand over her brother's mouth, only for him to dodge her touch. "Auriel, you need to go back to the heavens, NOW. You're a god-killer! A blasphemer! You need to face justice!"

"No. I love it here," Auriel stood. While Barachiel towered a few inches above him, his newfound confidence improved his posture. He'd hunched for hundreds of thousands of years and Barachiel was shocked to see him straighten up. "I have a group of people who like me, who take care of me, who love being around me. I'm wanted here, respected. What do the heavens hold? Thankless work. Shame. Conservativism. I can express myself freely here! I can be myself! I encourage you--"

"Auriel," The sky seemed to darken as Barachiel's golden eyes burned. Her voice was firm. "You will come with me now. You will answer for your sins and you will--"

"Master Auriel? Are you alright?"

The pair of angels whipped around, Barachiel shrinking back as a trio of humans jogged up. Auriel recognized them instantly, of course, his immortal mind easily memorizing the names and faces of every member of his cult. They looked him up and down, assessing his disposition.

"Who is this woman?" One of them piped up and they moved to stand closer to their beloved angel.

"My... An old acquaintance," Auriel stammered. "She... Dropped by to check in on me but she was just about to leave. Weren't you?"

"I suppose so," Barachiel huffed. While the humans couldn't see them, Auriel took note of how her wings flared like a bird under threat. "I'll be back to... Check in on you again, Auriel. Ta for now."

With that, she turned heel and walked off. Auriel knew that, as soon as she was out of sight, she would vanish from mortal eyes and soar back to the heavens. Miserable cunt. Barachiel had never been especially kind to him. It was a relief to see her go.

"Who was that actually?" Another of the group asked, brow quirked.

"My sister, another angel," Auriel sighed. During the argument, the bun crumbs had falled out of his lap and onto the gravel path. Shame. "She's awful but I get a feeling we'll see her again soon."

"Should we be worried, sir?"

"No," Finally facing the three, Auriel forced a smile. "Let's go home. It doesn't feel right to be here any longer."

As if rehearsed, two of the men intertwined their fingers with Auriel, giving his hands a gentle affectionate squeeze. Love, like that imbued in the bench, warmed the angel's soul. He'd feel better once he was home with people that actually cared about him.

#writings #auriel #my oc

[pxrxmoore]

hello there beth i've come bearing gifts! did some watching of 911 edits as one does and came across a few 5sos/911 edits you'll enjoy: we got a cute want you back buck, bad omens buddie 🥲 and the bi anthem for talk fast buck

also as you remember a few months ago i came to you with a question about schitts creek/5sos question so im here again! if you had to assign each boy to a character in 911 which will you choose and why?

ok hope you have a lovely day 💞 thank you for the endless gifs i saw of this show before i finally caved in <3

maya my darling 💛 welcome to the slowly expanding group of 5sos to 911 stans, it’s so lovely to have u join us 😌🫶 i hope u are well and i’m sorry for sucking u in to this 😌

my love thank you for these gifts they’re so beautiful 😭🫶 not the want u back edit starting w buck getting the kid outta the claw machine that’s the cutest scene 😭 god i am Devastated 😭 BAD OMENS BUDDIE!!!!! because Evan. that fuckin ripped me APART 😫 talk fast !!!!! bisexual anthem !!!!! evan buck buckley !!!!! 🙏💕💞💓💗💖💘💝

ooffff ok ok yes!!!! i love this q!! under a read more u know how it be

ashton - bobby / hen / buck

ashton was a rly hard one to pin down because i see parts of him in a couple of characters. firstly bobby - absolutely the father figure and very much the voice of reason when it comes to his team/band/friends. but also shoulders too much of that weight sometimes until it’s noticeably heavy to others. little stubborn to ask for help. i see those characteristics in hen too. such a strong beautiful person who has a clear mindset in what she wants and how to reach it. but takes on way too much at once and only asks for help when it all crumbles. and lastly i see some of buck there too, maybe not so much now that buck is on his breakdown era 😌 like i think ash has come a long long way to break out of his self destructive habits and of putting others first without even thinking about how it could affect him but i’m sure old habits die hard. but i also see buck as ash in the way he lights up a room and is so charming and thoughtful

luke - buck / ravi

i also see a lot of the same destructive tendencies of buck in luke. passing out the ‘good’ pieces of himself to others, putting on a brave face. putting all of the weight of the world on his own shoulders. but also. youngest brother and all the teasing that comes with that 😌🫶 god and he is just so pretty they’re both devastating. but i also for sure see luke as ravi - again youngest brother (idk if that’s canon but he deff gives those vibes of the younger sibling) and getting ribbed by the others, slightly awkward in new situations and around new people and uses comedy as a way to deflect 🫶

calum - eddie

not because i said ash could be buck i swear 😌 no but strong silent type, takes a while to warm up to people but you have his full trust once he’s got you under his wing. he is so fucking expressive 😭 background eddie in scenes vs calum in any interview when he’s not being asked something directly 🫶 he’s made some fucking tough decisions that altered his entire life path, tho calum’s giving up soccer to play in the band is obv a huge positive force that changed everything for him whereas i think eddie has really had to come to terms with his decisions in maybe a more negative way to begin with. therapised eddie tho giving out that love and positivity freely to his friends reminds me very much of calum

michael - chim

god he is so fucking strong and he loves so deeply and loudly. will drop everything to be there for his friends and give them his full support. when he’s so fucking sure of something he’ll pursue it to the ends of the earth. very much michael putting everything in to the band to give himself and the boys a new start at life and he carries that with him now in every band decision. he’s such a strong force within the band he has so much faith in his friends. also he’s fuckin funny mans got jokes 😌🫶

thank u so much my love!!! i hope u have a wonderful day 🥰💛

#currently on the train so thank u for helping me pass the time 🙏🫶 #no but same i kept seeing gifs and it took so long to finally cave and watch lmfaoooooo #i love this for us all truly #love you!!!! 💛 #lemme know ur thoughts 🥰 #911 #beecosmic #my brain is fuzzy and i feel like i’ve forgotten one of the 118 LOL help

[gayofthefae]

Thinking again about how Mike told El THAT he loved her and WHEN he loved her (the first day, good days, bad days) but never HOW he loved her. And I don't even mean in nature. I mean he never described his feelings like he has before to Will.

And I don't even mean just his feelings FOR Will, I mean any feelings he has described in depth have only been voiced with Will. The things we know to be true deep from his soul we only know because he said them to Will.

Things said to Will by Mike are our most credible source on him as a character. The only things he has described on his love for El in depth this way are how much he misses her, that he sees her when she isn't there sometimes; that he WANTS to love her; and that he feels like he isn't good enough for her in comparison to how heroic and great she is.

But he never told her in all his speech the simple things. He said "I love you everyday, I have for years". And he stated as fact "You can move mountains". He told her loved and he described her. But he never described his love FOR her.

Never "I feel x when I'm around you". Only that he loved her and why she's lovABLE.

One thing about his speech to me is that, unlike when he was ranting in the van about how wonderful she is and how he feels lucky to have met her even if he feels undeserving of it, I didn't feel like he could have gone on. I didn't feel like there was more trapped inside him. It didn't feel like a release of things that had been itching to get out of his mouth. It felt like things he was conjuring up on the spot. However true, it felt like he had to think of them, was saying what she wanted to hear, improvising - as opposed to that true feeling of FINALLY expressing something.

Harbored feelings like what they were supposed to be come out BIG. Not repetitious - something about the pacing too lends itself to this feeling of thinking of new things. Pacing is big in writing and he wasn't ranting like he was before He was *listing*. - Not completely literal or in a sense objective.

Honestly? I want a love confession to feel like word vomit. His felt like brainstorming. Like he was choosing his words. We've HEARD him speak IN THIS CONTEXT and speak more emotionally, like something he's been holding in: a single story with emotional detail I made a separate post about it feeling like he was waiting to share on the tip of his tongue until he spoke in the shed. We've heard him talk freely about HER, to Will in the van.

But to her face he used slightly different words - or, honestly, too similar words. Like he was quoting the good parts of what he had previously said instead of expressing himself. - To her face, he listed things. To her face, he felt *FILTERED*. And a filtered love confession will always be suspicious to me.

Because a *confession* of something hidden implies that it's the deepest truth. And to have a deeper truth and *hide* it implies some level of contradiction or undercutting to the extreme vulnerability. If you're being so vulnerable, go all out. If you've made the choice to sacrifice your own anxieties, which he described to be his barrier before, so the person in front of you knows they're loved, then full commitment to that should be honesty.

If in order to tell someone what they need to hear that you couldn't before, you need to filter yourself rather than throw caution to the wind...something is wrong.

#stranger things #ily speech

[rudeboiricebran]

on being fired

just over a month ago, a meeting appeared on my calendar for the next day, "Performance Review." Invited to the meeting were my boss (the head of my department), the CTO (ostensibly his boss), and our HR person.

Seeing this caused me to panic. I can feel my pulse spiking as I type this right now. I sent a message to the CTO asking if I was being fired. He asked if I could talk at 4PM.

I showed up at the meeting with him, and he said to wait a second, that others would be joining. I asked if they were just moving the firing up to today; he didn't say anything.

They were. My boss read some canned statement, they told me what the severance terms were, and that that was my last day. I was numb; I had been miserable and I didn't see any point of arguing, so I said ok. 5 minutes after the meeting ended, I no longer had an email address or a slack login.

The extreme suddenness of it all caught me off guard. I knew things had been going poorly, but I figured if it were this bad I would have been warned. I thought the frustration was on my side, but it seems they were sick of hearing about the things preventing me from working effectively.

I flatter myself slightly, but I am _Very_ good at what I do. I work closely with folks in creative departments to express their will thru software; more than that, I build them the tools they need to be self sufficient, not constantly needing to come back to engineering for updates.

But at the company, I was stymied at every turn. I met several times with engineers and designers before taking about a month to implement a core combat system; this was met with extreme dismay by one of the other engineers who had wanted to be more involved. The next roughly five months were spent in code review with him on the feature. And all the while, I was told not to work on anything else, because this was critically important.

I expressed to my boss my dismay and frustration, he just said he trusted the other engineer and to work through it. During this period he (my boss) took several weeks-long trips out of the country; if I needed to talk to my manager (which I very much did) I was left with the CTO. There was no other option. We had no managers, no producers, no system of accountability, upwards or downwards.

I wonder if my beginning to speak more freely with the CTO may have contributed to my ouster. Maybe my absentee boss felt that he was being undermined or avoided. Again, this is the person where if a new employee asks how much unlimited PTO they can take off, we would just show them his calendar. C'est la vie.

Within the final few months, my frustrations were visibly growing. The five-month-code-review ended, the feature was committed, and others were finally unblocked to start building against it. I knew of areas where designers still needed help; instead I was moved onto another "mission critical feature" fully unrelated to the last one. In fact, this area of the project had been owned by another lead engineer, but he had been shifted to something else, so it was foisted upon me.

About one week before I was fired, during my regularly scheduled one on one with the CTO, I asked if I was being set up for failure. I pointed out that none of the features I was working on were areas where I had particular expertise, and I had been repeatedly prevented from making improvements elsewhere. I admitted that because things felt so out of my control, maybe I was just being paranoid, but I felt that open communication was important. One week later I was gone.

---

I ask myself: how did this happen? What were the signs, what could have been done to prevent it?

In retrospect, the warnings came early and often. Within the first 6 months after I joined two of the department directors had left the company to find other opportunities. A few months after that the lead producer, who I quite liked, also quit to turn to greener pastures.

Each of these people had all had their individual stories; I remember talking to my boss about this, asking "should I be concerned?" and being told that, no, this stuff just kinda happened sometimes.

Incorrect. People don't join startups at director level roles, then depart well before vertical slice if things are going well. Lead producers don't bounce if they feel they have the attention of the directors and the support they need. Founders leave companies that no longer match their vision for what the company should be.

At a macro studio culture level, these people who left formed a diverse cast. The people who didn't leave, my boss, my cto, the folks who replaced the departed, were all white men. In retrospect, the culture was breaking from the diverse portrayal that had initially enticed me, to be subsumed by overwhelming the same dudes making overwhelmingly the same sort of game they had been making for the past 10+ years together.

Maybe subconsciously I was already recognising that this was not what I had signed up for, and this was cranking up the Bad Brain Thoughts. My frustrations at unable to contribute in even minor ways was boiling over. I tried not to take it out on my teammates, but I was clear exactly how cucked I felt to my boss and the CTO. If anybody had the power to make changes that would allow me to work more freely, it would be them. There were no higher authorities; I was begging to be thrown a life preserver.

But the rescue was never attempted the CTO, after one of my Vent Sessions, asked me what I wanted him to do about it. I told him you could, right now, get rid of the thing that is consistently blocking me. The element of process that is not present at any other successful studio, but which had been the bane of my existence. He could get rid of it, he could make a choice to lighten the burdens on new code, he could speak to the individuals who were always on my nuts and ask them to lighten up a bit for the sake of my sanity.

But no, this was just a "me" problem, not a broader engineering problem. Never mind that our department never delivered any feature within the time estimate window; never mind that a quarter of the features delivered didn't work, half did the wrong thing, and the final quarter were so disperformant as to be unusable.

Never mind that, outside of the engineering department, people extremely liked working with me and thought very highly of the few features I was allowed to deliver. Never mind that, two weeks prior, the CTO had had to speak in an all-hands engineering meeting and announce the list of things that were now so far out of scope that they wouldn't even be attempted, including some very low hanging fruit that had no list being on that sort of list.

The problem with the engineers was me.

Could I have "just shut up and worked?" I was certainly trying. A month before my final ouster, I removed all of the sticky notes around my monitor that reminded me of vector math shit and tiny tasks, replacing them instead with sticky notes that said "BE QUIET!" and "SHUT UP" and "STOP TALKING" and "THEY DON'T CARE." I was trying to keep my mouth shut.

But again, I'm pretty good at what I do. I know the correct ways to do certain things, having executed or witnessed their execution by some extremely talented individuals at previous companies. And we kept doing the wrong shit. Multi-month code reviews, ignoring designers, putting people with low experience in front of critical tasks and then being unwilling to deviate from whatever courses they selected... I am only human.

I think the final nails were when I was being directed to use inappropriate technology for the task that was ostensibly on my plate. This was another system where I knew what success looked like, but I was told that I was wrong. I was directed to use a tool the AI team had been using, which sorta fit some of the purpose if you squint (and refactor), but otherwise would need other drivers in the logic.

I was made to delete the code containing those other drivers, as I gradually lost my mind trying to figure out how the fuck I was supposed to do the engineering equivalent of drilling 1/8th inch holes in plywood with curling iron.

My last public slack message was in getting the feature owner to agree that, yes, the way I was being asked to do it didn't make sense, and that I'd be fine to pursue what I thought the correct course of action was.

An hour later, I had the "Performance Review" on my calendar. Two hours after that I didn't have a job.

---

What next from here? I've been interviewing, but I'm extremely in the "twice shy" period after being once bitten by the enticements of a "new AAA startup founded by industry veterans working on a cool IP."

I just want to work with designers, artists, animators, VFX; the cool people who make cool video games. I want to join a team that isn't being dominated by white guys who were brought up in oldschool studios, and I want to work somewhere that doesn't underserve their team by skipping production, management, and QA.

But maybe I don't want to make games any more. When things are firing on all cylinders, it's absolutely the place for me, but if I'm just going to be pushing my hands into the grindstone, I can do that in another industry and actually make enough money to afford a house. What a concept.

Mostly I just want to find something relatively soon. My dad spent years unemployed, and it messed me up in ways that still hurt me today, so I just want to not have to think about selling my car in order to afford rent.

#fired #gamedev #aaa #horrible bosses

[tdou]

11,12,13th of November - Day 160, 161 & 162

Friday was armistice so no work for baby ! After getting lunch with their fam they came to my place, and my bro was not here !! I kept waiting for these timings and here they were. But boo was tireeddd, sleepy sleepy lill one spent the afternoon napping, by the time we were awake it was night time already. I didn’t feel sleepy, probably napped an hour. We did talk about my little mess up the day before, I felt so fucking guilty it really was eating me alive for days. They finally confessed about how they felt about gender, and their body. And I could cry I really wish we lived in a world where everyone could be who they want to be. And I’d still love them regardless of what they look like because I love them so fucking much already. The hard part for me is that I’ll have to hold myself back from trying to push them towards feminine things, cuz I’ll always kinda want them to express themself freely, as much as they would like. But disphoria isn’t a nice feeling and I don’t want them to feel bad. When they woke up we went to get groceries, veggies as we do. At some point in my room babe told me that their mom kept asking questions about me. I was soooo curious but they forgot ? Wdym forgot ?? I’m still so curious !!! I know she asked regular questions about me, what I study, what I look like, if I looked arab ? How tall I was ect, but I know there are more >:( I asked question during the entire dinner. We didn’t really stay up late because their dad was picking them up at 9:30 in the morning so sleep was sleep. I spent Saturday with my sister of heart then my family then friend and babe was supposed to come back to my place after their movie night with a friend so they met me and M, stayed with us in a bar and then we got back to my place. We had really interresting chats, I think they bonded over the fact that they were both from the same place (but honestly they have a lot of common points) and we had our regular fuck the patriarchy discussions. In the metro going home I learnt that baby is a big marvel fan. I did not know that. I shall look more into marvel but honestly it’s not my world so I also probably won’t. To each their own. When we got home they reheated the food for them and then we went sleep, they still had to leave early in the morning but 11 is better than 9.

Horny was me in the morning. I don’t know what, I don’t know why, I woke up and every inch of my body felt sensitive. At first I was enjoying the lill touches, the cuddles. But the tick tack of time kinda made me hesitant to ask for more. My pants did come off tho, for biting purpose. I honestly could have been fully naked at that point I just wanted to feel but alas time to go. See you soon darling

Btw by message they told me they almost couldn’t stop themself… an other time baby

[bartxnhood]

tasm peter imagine where the reader makes playlists for everything as sort of a hobby and often uses music to convey her emotions rather then words. one day, peter finds one of the playlists, entitled "peter." so naturally, he listens to it.

hiii !! thank you for your request <3 here you go. this was my favorite request to write !! thank you so so much

authors note: so, i kinda inserted myself as the reader since i do struggle with emotions and communication. so i this is a longer request. also thank you for 100 followers !!!!

title: his playlist

warnings: none ;)

you’ve always struggled with openly communicating with people. because of it, you couldn’t keep many friends. of course, you felt bad about it but you couldn’t help it, you wanted friends of course but it was just hard for you to speak how you felt or what you were thinking. you’ve been alone most of your life, you’ve had family troubles, personal troubles but you knew people had it worse than you. so, you never talked about it.

you began picking up hobbies to express yourself, music being your top one. you had a playlist for almost everything. studying, art, reading, feeling sad, doing chores, and lastly. peter.

peter parker.

he was one person you considered your best friend, he knew you struggled and respected that. he’s been with you the longest. you talk to him more than you do to your mom. he’s one person you can actually open up to without feeling ashamed, or anxious that he will judge you. and maybe you’ve had some growing feelings for him the past few years. hence, your playlist titled: peter.

you could express your feelings freely while listening to that playlist, it was the only time you could be honest with yourself. despite all your troubles, you found peace in your music.

most of the songs on his playlist were love songs, slow, or ballads but they all reminded you of him. a few to list were:

happy together - the turtles

gone, gone, gone - phillips phillips

teenage dream- katy perry.

you had over a hundred songs on that playlist, you listened to it pretty frequently since you thought about him a lot.

-

“y/n?” peter waved his hand in front of your face, you finally blinked and looked over at him taking out your earbud. “when did you get here?” you asked, then taking the other one out. “just now, i was talking to you but you were obviously listening to music.” he chuckled, you gave him a half-smile. “right, homework?” you asked and he nodded in return. “I’ll go grab my books,” you said, throwing your phone on the bed and getting up to grab your books from the kitchen when your dad had tried helping you with homework but failed miserably.

peter watched you walk out of your room, he took the bag off his shoulder and sat down on your bed opening his bag to get his books he heard the sound of faint music playing and looked over where your phone was laying. he quickly checked to make sure you weren’t coming and he grabbed your phone just to see what you were listening to. he put one of the earbuds in and opened your phone. you rarely kept your phone locked.

but to his surprise, the playlist you were listening to was his. when peter read his name and the picture he took of you two on your birthday. well, he forced you to take it. he was surprised by all the songs you had listened under it.

“what are you doing?” you asked, coming in and dropping your books on the bed and snatching your phone and earbuds. “you left it playing..” he said looking up at you with those eyes. you sighed, shutting your phone off and sitting next to him. “the playlist” he started, “it’s called peter. why?” you opened your book trying to ignore him. “can we just..get this homework done? you weren’t supposed to see that.” you begged, grabbed for your notebook but peter grabbed your arm. “y/n, please. you have a playlist with my name and our picture. you know better than to keep your secrets from me”

you were started to get anxious, “peter, just please forget about it. it’s nothing. it’s just a playlist.” he didn’t say anything but only stared at you. you couldn’t tell him, not now. what if he thinks your weird? what if he doesn’t like you back? what if he laughs in your face? you closed your eyes and sighed. “i like you, parker” you quickly covered your mouth and looked at him. he stared back at you with wide eyes “you like me?” he whispered. you sighed, looking away. you knew it was a bad idea. he didn’t like you back, he only saw you as a friend. you shouldn’t have told him.

“i don’t want you thinking it’s weird, you just know i have a hard time conveying my emotions and thoughts so i just listen to music-“ you were cut off by peter grabbing your face and making you look at him.

“it’s not weird. i think it’s sweet that you made a playlist. i know you have a hard time with your feelings and communication. and i’m glad that you like me. because i like you too” he smiled.

you stared into his beautiful brown doe eyes, you smiled at him. “i was so scared you were going to laugh in my face” you admitted, peter shook his head. “never”

“now, let’s get this homework done so i can take you on a real date” he smiled.

#tasm x reader #peter parker #peter parker x you #andrew garfield #peter parker x reader #andrew garfield fluff #marvel mcu #spider man: no way home #andrew!peter x reader #no way home #tasm 2 #tasm!peter parker #tasm #tasm fanfiction #andrew!peter parker #andrew!spiderman

[bluecookies02]

When they make you cry

pairings: Hawks x Reader, Dabi x Reader, Bakugou x Reader, Aizawa x Reader, Izuku x Reader, Tamaki x Reader

Tamaki, Bakugou and Hawks are in a female!reader perspective, the rest of them are Gender Neutral

warnings: angst to fluff

masterlist

Hawks will get cocky, laughing in your face when he sees your shocked expression.

Both of you were going at each others throats, spitting insults to one another, just your recent daily routine.

Now Hawks knew you were a tough gal, which in his head made it alright for him to strike a really painful nerve into your chest.

As you remained speechless he turned around, a winning smirk plastered on his lips.

Just as he took a few steps forward, sobs wrecked your body as you hid your face in your hands.

"I d-don't think I can take this anymore Keigo" your broken voice reached his ears.

A pang of guilt pierced his chest once he turned around to face you.

He did this. He made you cry. He completely drained your happiness out. He hurt you.

His teeth dug into his lip, his eyes stinging as tears picked at them.

At that point, he didn't give two shits about who's right and who's wrong, his arms reaching for you and wrapping themselves around your shaking form.

He held you there for a while, listening to your cries that gradually turned into soft sniffles against his chest.

"I-" He opens his mouth but his words remained stuck at his throat.

"I don't want us to end..." you mumbled, your own words throwing you into another sobbing fit.

"We won't end here kid, I've got you...shit...I'm a fucking idiot...of course we won't end sweetheart...c'mon look at me" he raised your chin up gently, looking into your red eyes.

"I'm sorry, fuck I'm sorry...not just for today, for every day before this, I-, God... don't leave kid, p-please"

You stared at his face, tears now streaming down his cheeks as his grip on you tightened.

You swallow the lump in your throat, grabbing his hands in yours.

"Something has to change Keigo...I miss you...we've been distant for months. Sometimes you don't even come home to me, do you know how that feels?"

"I know, I know, I swear... I miss you too. I'll tell you about everything I promise. Let's go home please."

You hesitantly nod, putting your heart on the line for the last time.

And now looking back, you're glad you did.

//quirk: flesh manipulation (the reader can manipulate the molecules in a person's flesh just by touching it, making them useful mid-battle to make the other heroes ready to fight again in a matter of seconds, but also making them a threat to their enemies )

If there was one thing he despised about you, it was your guts.

Hell curse him for falling in love with someone so stubborn.

To live through a relationship with Dabi meant that you had to have though skin. You had to be strong enough to bite your cheeks and endure the issues that people in regular relationships never face.

He enters your home, covered in bruises and cuts, asking for your first aid kit.

You sigh to yourself, your usual nagging and yelling never reaching his ears.

You place the first aid kit onto your bedside table, turning your back to him, tiredly walking out of the room.

"Hey-" his voice calls out to you, quiet and confused.

You close the door behind you, making your way to your couch.

One of these days it'll be the last time he walks into your home, the last time you help him clean his cuts and the last time you hear his voice.

The weight of uncertainty pulls at your chest harder with every passing day.

He chose to continue living like this, he is the one that keeps ruining his own life, it's his ambitions that are making you this miserable.

Once he patches himself up, he sits on your bed for a while. Your silance meaning one thing and one thing only. You finally realized how pointless being with him is, you finally got it through your thick skull that he's nothing special to dwell about.

Time passes by quickly, a few hours already gone yet he's still glued to the same spot, not having the strength to leave your room, too scared to face your rejection once he gets out.

He should be happy for you, you won't be hurting anymore, you'll be able to find someone better.

He slowly twists the knob, taking slow steps through your living room.

You are laying on your couch, tear stains on your face and a tissue crumbled in your hand.

His chest tightenes at the sight. You cried yourself to sleep. He wonders... how many times did you cry over him? How many times would you just lay here as he carelessly roamed the streets?

He should leave...he should spare you the pain he brings. You were the only good thing in his life and by continuing this he'll ruin you, piece by piece.

You showed nothing but kindness to him, you made him realize that some people are worth getting close to, you being a hero also making his resolves shake under his feet.

He stretched his arm out to your cheek, careful not to wake you up.

He left a soft kiss to your temple before leaving your house.

-----

You woke up to a persistent ring of your doorbell.

You felt terrible...your hair was a mess, your nose was all clogged up and your eyes burned from all the crying.

You opened your door with annoyance, mad at whoever decided to burst your sadness bubble.

"Hey doll, I would've let myself in but my hands are kinda busy"

Your boyfriend stood there with a backpack on his shoulder and a carton box in his hands.

"So...do you happen to have a room to spare for a year or two...maybe three?"

You stare in disbelief your hand covering your mouth.

"I know that me being a villain might be a setback but...I got some hair dye? I might even consider letting you fix my jigsaw face."

Your body crashed into his, the box dropping to the ground as you squeezed your arms around him.

Maybe he can make you as happy as you make him.

You knew he was rough around the edges, but you never even imagined that you would be the one his rage would be directed at.

As soon as insults came crashing your way you left the room.

You were just trying to calm him down, placing your hand on his shoulder as you urged him to stop shouting and just let it go.

His rough hands grabbed yours, throwing your hand away like you were a mere fly, his quirk burning your skin.

You tried calling out to him just for him to snap around and scream at you.

Once you reached your dorm tears freely rolled down your cheeks.

You yearned for a normal relationship, longed for some peace and quiet just for a week or two.

Yet you just couldn't let the blonde go, always hoping for some miracle to come your way and take ahold of his ego.

--------

It's around 2 am and he can't fall asleep for the hell of it.

You're not picking up his calls nor answering his texts and you've been inactive on social media for hours.

Kirishima has been urging him to go to your dorm for two hours already, spamming him massages about him not being manly enough to win you back.

It's not like he doesn't want to, he just has no idea how to. Should he get you something? Get you some food and flowers? Where the fuck can he find all these things at 2 am? Isn't that how people in movies apologize or something...

He hates when you're mad at him, he is scared shitless of actually scaring you off and pushing you away.

A knock at your door snaps you out of your thoughts and a small flame of hope warms your heart for a split second as you make your way to your door.

He's holding a gray hoodie and a pair of bento boxes.

"That's not gonna fix it Katsuki."

"I know shitty woman you didn't even give me a chance to speak!"

You're sure that that's the first time Bakugou said the word "sorry" in his whole life.

The way it rolled off his tongue was shaky but somewhat determined, his hand grabbing ahold of yours gently.

Guilt was evident on his face as he stroked the bandages covering your hands.

"It's not that bad Katsu, and I understand that it was an accident." you mumbled trying to pull from his grip so he can focus on something else.

He grabbed ahold of your wrists, bringing your palms to his lips.

"I'll work on it, I promise. It'll never happen again. I mean it." you just give a soft nod, leading him to the table.

"Good. Now let's eat, breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" you cheered, opening the bentos and stuffing your mouth with rice.

"Y/N...it's 4 am."

"Exactly, now eat, you're not gonna let me eat all of this by myself?!"

For this man, it was close to impossible to make his s/o cry.

He cherishes the relationship he has with you, making you feel special every single day at a time.

So when he sees you crying, he's confused and alarmed.

He reaches for you, trying his best to give you the comfort he thinks you need.

When you push his hands away and scream at him...Oh boy...

He's terrified.

Did he do something? Did he forget your anniversary? Your birthday? Did he eat your snack from the fridge??

You're pulling at the strands of your hair, your head buried into your knees as you sob.

He looks around, eyes widening when he sees a photo of himself and some girl kissing on the screen of your phone.

He wasn't there? He has proof! He was in a meeting! All of his colleagues could confirm that, he just needs you to listen! Please listen to him.

He's talking...blabbering...begging for you to just look at him.

As soon as you look up for a split second, he's hugging you, smothering your face in kisses as you weakly try to push him away.

Finally he leans his forehead against yours, letting out a long sigh of relief when he realizes that you're not crying anymore.

"Please Shouta, please, if you even have any respect for me, don't lie to me." you mumble out coldly, turning your head from him.

"Y/N, I would never, ever do that to you! Never! I love you so much, please, you have to know that, you do know that!"

You're too stubborn, but he calls all of his colleges one by one, putting them on speaker for you, asking about the time of the meeting or details of the meeting and they all have the same answer.

So now, your throat is dry and there's a lump in your throat, guilt eating at you as you try to apologize.

He couldn't give two shits about any of that, all he has to know is that you're okay and that you're still his.

He's not letting you go for the rest of the day, you're wrapped under the blankets with him as he makes sure you never believe the bullshit you see online.

"Sweetheart if I ever cheat on you, that's the day I cut my own dick off and bleed to death."

It makes you giggle and then laugh hysterically and he's just looking at you with the biggest heart eyes 🥺

Izuku would never do anything to make you cry.

He pays attention to every single detail in your relationship and he especially pays attention to your feelings.

What he is really bad at, is taking care of himself.

He doesn't take in consideration how you feel when he comes home all stitched up and tired, or how he stays up late to train and push himself further than his body can take.

However one day, he is exhausted from his training and he barely has any strength left. His phone rings and he is rushing out the door, already panting.

You don't reach him in time to stop him, so here you are, hours later next to his hospital bed.

The villain wasn't too powerful, but his state caused him to pass out in the middle of the bettle field.

As soon as he wakes up, you're yelling at him, but at the same time sobbing against his chest.

"I can't just stand here and watch you hurt yourself Zuku... I can't, I can't, I can't....O-one of these days you're just gonna slip away from my hands, I can't. Please" You're grip on him softens as you loose the strength in your hands.

His arms wrap themselves around you, trying his best not to flinch as you rub against his bandages.

His eyes are watering, realization dawning on him as he holds your tired body against him.

You're right...He sees the state of himself after a lowlife villain with a pathetic quirk sent him into the hospital. He doesn't even want to think about what would've happened if there was someone much stronger out there.

"Hey Y/N...I-...I might take a week off, to rest yeah? Does that sound good?"

You nod, wiping away the tears as you sniffle.

"And you won't be training at night anymore. And you won't be staying up late!" you scold as he rubs your cheeks.

"I won't. I promise." he places a kiss at your temple, pulling you onto the hospital bed next to him.

"Let's sleep for a bit yeah? I might owe you a few hours..."

You're crying, he's crying.

He's down on one knee and he's stuttering, his hands shaking as he hears you cry out a happy "Yes".

He barely gets the ring on your finger, burying his head into your neck as soon as he gets to his feet.

You always thought that he was going to propose to you at home, maybe some homecooked dinner with roses and candles. You didn't mind that option either.

You were surprised that he even suggested a walk in the park.

I mean, it was a really small park with little to no people in the area but it was beautiful nonetheless.

You're all giddy and happy as he takes your hand in his, his eyes always glancing at the ring on your finger.

Once you spot an ice cream stand you leap in happiness, rushing to get ice cream for the both of you.

The lady selling it smiles brightly at you.

"Is that the lucky guy?" you nod grabbing your icecream as Tamaki hides behind you.

"Good job sweetheart, you're making this lady very happy, I can feel it in my old bones" you laugh at her remark as you nudge Tamaki forward.

She hands him his ice cream and winks at him.

He's blushing and thanking the lady before running off to an empty bench.

”He’s a lil’ shy but he's got the spirit” you say to the lady as you rush off to get him.

You take the time to really study the ring, the beautiful blue crystal shining in the sun.

”I...I hope you l-like it...Nejire helped me out. Uhm I probably shouldn't have said that...S-she-"

"I like it Tama...I love it actually" you place a gentle kiss just at the corner of his lips, his hands grabbing your cheeks and kissing you deeply in return.

His cheeks are warm and his lips are slow against yours but you melt against him, letting him place you in his lap.

"Oh my God, I have a fiancé, oh my God, I have to call Mirio and tell him you said yes. You said yes, right?"

You laugh as you shake your head at him, playing with his hair as he fumbles with his phone.

All of the pictures are from the original anime/manga (please do correct me if I'm wrong in the comments below)

The Tamaki one has no angst in it because I had to heal from all of the emotional rollercosters.

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