#which also gives me time to use the lovely student benefits (health insurance) before i drop out...

[pikslasrce]

im going to do it for real this time (drop out and get a job)

#my bro got himself a job at some idk tech startup that works w u.s. moving companies and theyre still hiring so im thinking like #what the hell ill give it a shot id have to get training first anyways so if i dont like it ill just say 'this isnt for me buh bye' #and i mean. i could always quit after a few months etc. but uni?? im quitting that shit for good i am NOT coming back... #ill just wait till october and then just. not enroll for the next year.. #which also gives me time to use the lovely student benefits (health insurance) before i drop out... #ive been putting off making those appointments so like. best to take advantage of it while i still can #and also the plan is to take a graphic design course or sth so i can have at least an online certificate or sth for employability #so if all else fails im going into graphic design and illustration NOT CLICKBAIT. hopefully some ppl i know could even get me into somewher #hashtag networking pays off #piksla.txt

[acoustic-aly]

TW: SA, Spiritual abuse, emotional abuse,

I’ve been going back and forth on whether or not to tell my story with domestic abuse I experienced during the years 2019-2020. In light of domestic awareness month and the release of Maid on Netflix, I want to bring emotional, mental, sexual and spiritual abuse to the forefront of this conversation.

In early 2019, I got out of a year long relationship with someone who was struggling with mental illness and wasn’t using the best coping mechanisms. I left that relationship tapped out on love. A few weeks later, I met my abuser at church. He gave me everything my ex couldn’t in the realms of attention, time, showered me with compliments, it was a whirl wind, otherwise known as Love Bombing. And within a month, we were engaged.

The narcissist and emotional abusive tendencies started small. We both had a passion of going to the gym. One time at the gym, he approached me to tell me something and I had my headphones in. I placed them on pause and looked up at him. He had an outburst, rose his voice at me telling me that he hated that I wore headphones cause I ignored him when I did. I informed him that they were paused whenever I spoke to him. He told me he didn’t want me wearing them any longer when we were working out together. Even if we were in different areas of the gym.

Another time, we were running late to meet friends. He left me waiting on him for roughly 20min. I told him he had bad time management skills and laughed. He gave me the silent treatment all day, even in front of our friends. He wouldn’t speak to me, give me eye contact, wouldn’t sit next to me, nothing. When we got home, I asked him what was wrong and -while in the same room-texted me answering the question saying I hurt him so badly with my time management comment that he couldn’t look me in the eye and he didn’t want to be in the same room with me.

When planning our wedding, I wanted to wait a year to get married since we were still getting to know each other. At the time, he was planning on returning to school, but lived in Springfield with his mother. His job didn’t offer him health insurance, which was needed in order to be a student. He insisted we get married at the start of the school year (3 months after our engagement). My job was salaried, I had health benefits that could help him with school. He insisted we’d never see each other if we waited a year cause Springfield was so far away from Dayton, but if we got married then we could live together and not be living in sin. He also had terrible credit, while mine was good. Again, at his insistence, if we were married he could be added to my credit cards and bank account to help build his credit while he was in school and eventually pay off his $50k+ student loan from previous college programs he didn’t complete. Cause his debt would be our debt. After numerous talks of him laying out how he’d financially benefit from us getting married sooner, I obliged.

As I mentioned before, we met at church. In the beginning of our relationship we decided to be celibate. He told me that if we crossed that threshold before we were married, he’d break up with me-even if he initiated it. He didn’t want us to break our promise to God. At the time, I thought, “Wow, what an amazing man of God who loved me so much that he’s putting Christ first.” One night, we were getting hot and heavy in the sheets. He took off his pants and proceeded to take off mine. I told him we should stop. We had made it that far, we could wait a month more to have sex. He whined, stating we were so close. I reminded him that we promised to stay celibate and we should stop. He then whispered in my ear, “well let me give you a little taste” and thrust himself inside me.

I was shocked. For the next day, I couldn’t comprehend that I had been raped by my fiancé. I focused more on the fact that we had broken our promise to God to stay celibate. I approached him that night and told him how disappointed I was that we didn’t save sex for marriage and that I had told him we should’ve stopped. He looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s okay. God knows we’re getting married and in the Bible, marriage occurred at the bedding ceremony where the couple would consummate the marriage and people would watch them to make sure they were married. God watched us last night, so we’re married in His eyes”. This coming from the guy who threatened to end our relationship if that line was ever crossed.

A few weeks later, my ex who I had dated for a year before I met my fiancé, had committed suicide. I took it hard. Heavy with guilt for not sticking it out with him, not forcing him to go to therapy, for all the arguments we had where I might’ve made him feel less then, etc. all those memories and ‘should haves’ washed over me. I assured my fiancé that I loved him and I was hurt at the future my ex had lost.

A couple days after my ex had passed, I posted a picture of him and I at work on social media with the caption, “Rest Easy”. In the picture, my ex and I had our arms around each other. My fiancé came over after work that day infuriated with me that I would post a picture of myself with another guy when we were getting married the following week cause, “People are going to think you’re marrying him, and not me. You need to get over it.” Two days ago, someone I had loved, I had cried over, fought with, spent holidays and family functions with, someone I gave my all to to help him in every way I could for a year-lost his battle to mental illness. That’s not something I could “get over” in two days. I reminded him that I had my reasons for breaking up with him and that he was dead. No one that we know is going to think I’m marrying a dead guy. He responded with, “Get a therapist cause I don’t want to hear you grieving over another guy”. In that moment, I lost my safe space with him.

We went through with our wedding and I continued grieving alone. From there, the emotional, mental and sexual abuse continued. After a month of being married, he stated he wanted to start to try to have kids. Before we got married, we had agreed to post pone having a child until his school loan was paid off. He began complaining about my birth control saying it bothered him and caused him pain (it was the ring m). He would cry and yell at me about me getting off of it. I told him if I got off birth control, then he would have to use condoms because I didn’t want to get pregnant. That’s when he began pretending to put condoms on (which is classified as statutory rape in some states).

My depression had grown during this time. I was unfulfilled at my job and was still grieving alone. I stopped showing physical affection to him when I was at my lowest. His response to the lessening physical affection escalated from conversations to throwing things at me, pushing me or bumping into me intentionally when he was angry. If he was speaking to me

and I was doing another task while listening to him or if he felt I was ignoring him, he would slam cabinets or throwing our trash bin across the room to get my attention.

We would argue every day about anything and everything. I was constantly reminded that I wasn’t the woman he wanted to marry and I had tricked him into marrying him. (when in actuality, I was depressed). To even escalating to him telling me twice that I was the reason he wanted to kill himself every day because living with me was hell for him. That cut deep.

We were even in a young married couples group that acted as our group therapy second to our couples counseling we had weekly. The group had a rule: you would talk to your spouse first about what you want and didn’t want to be shared with the group. I would list things I didn’t want to be shared, but he made sure to always speak before me in group. He would tell our young married couples group about how he was depressed and felt unloved by me due to me not speaking his love language well, to watching too much TV, to not talking to him enough. I was constantly caught off guard in front of this group. I felt if I spoke after him about my grief or his verbal abuse or how he’d throw things, slam things, scream in my face, that it wouldn’t matter. He painted a beautiful picture of how I was an unsupportive wife who was selfish and apathetic. I remember a wife’s response to his comment one times distinctly. She said, “I could never treat my husband that way, especially if I knew he was hurting.” As soon as she said that, he turned to me and smirked. I stopped speaking up and sharing in group. Something I once found respite in where I felt that I could be understood became something I no longer looked forward to.

In March of 2020, I told him that I wanted to separate and spend 2 weeks with my friend. We had been arguing every day. I had lost my job, which was our primary source of income. I was applying to roughly 10 jobs a day, trying to find something. I was stressed. He said no and that I was disobeying God for even thinking of separation. He said he’s rather be roommates in a disappointing marriage for the rest of his life than disobey God. I told him if we didn’t separate now, we will be divorced by the end of the year. He still refused to let me go to my friends.

Through more manipulation, verbal and mental abuse, we hit our peak. I had had enough and told him I wanted a divorce. He left our home and began telling some of the husbands in our young married group that I was the abusive one. That I gaslit him and had a bad temper. He even went as far to say that my best friend was a bad influence on me and the divorce was my friends idea. In a group message with our young married couples, he informed them that I was the one breaking our covenant to God, not him. That since he wasn’t initiating the divorce, and I quote, “I will remain faithful to Aly and the vow I made to her. I look forward to when we will be reunited in heaven as husband and wife. As the gospel says, come, Jesus, come!”

Even after our divorce, when family asked what happened, I never told the worst of it. I told people the emotional and verbal abuse, how we fought all the time. It wasn’t until Feb. of 2021 when I met my step mom for lunch and I decided to tell her the full truth and as I was telling her the situations I found myself in with him did I realize that I actually experienced rape and sexual assault in my marriage.

Even to this day, not a lot of people know the details of the trauma I experienced. A lot of it was due to me processing it all and doing my best to be a better person. Better at communicating, better at speaking love languages for myself, my future partner and my friends. To be better at noticing triggers and getting to the root of them. Better at setting standards for my dating life and what I wanted to bring to the table. Better at apologizing and taking accountability both in my personal and professional life, instead of making excuses. Better at noticing if I was responsible for gaslighting or selfish tendencies and finding ways to work through them without placing blame on the other party.

Emotional, mental, verbal, spiritual and sexual abuse can be experienced at any capacity. All are damaging like physical abuse is. If you find yourself resonating with my story, you aren’t alone. There are resources out there to help you get out of whatever situation you’re in. You aren’t who your abusers say you are or make you out to be.

#domestic abuse awareness #spritual abuse #love #marriage #MAID #netflix #narcissist

[imaginetonyandbucky]

The Buy In

Chapter 10: Epilogue

by @dracusfyre

"I feel like you're going to try to sell me a time share," Bucky said, studying the bland conference room Tony had reserved. It looked like probably every other conference room Bucky had ever been, as if they were all ordered out of the same catalogue; beige walls, carpeted floor that had the feeling of being beige while actually having flecks of red and blue in it, and the tables and chairs with wheels on them so they could be moved easily. Tony had even pulled down a screen and to all appearances, was setting up for a powerpoint presentation. 

"It's all about presentation, Mr. Barnes," Tony said. He picked up a clicker and a red dot appeared on Bucky's chest, then started moving around in what Bucky eventually recognized as a heart shape. "Gotta know your audience and what they'll respond to. Too fancy, and they'll be scared off. Not fancy enough, and they'll feel like they're being scammed. A hotel conference room fits neatly inside that middle ground."

"You've put a lot of thought into this," Bucky said. He glanced at the clock, saw that they had a few minute before people were supposed to arrive and dipped his head for a quick kiss. 

"Well, yeah," Tony started, but then there was a knock on the door. Tony opened it to see that part of the security detail started bringing in the refreshments for the meeting, coffee and donuts and croissants and other breakfast-style food that people would probably pick at and leave mostly untouched. "Natasha helped," he continued, poking at the refreshments table and rearranging everything slightly. "She's better at that side of things, the headology, as she calls it."

"I can see that." Bucky watched Tony putter. Looked like Tony was nervous, which was kind of adorable. "So you can't even give me a sneak peak at what you're talking about today?"

Tony shook his head. "For right now, you're a potential investor, not my lover."

"Ok, ok," Bucky said. He realized he was following Tony around as he puttered aimlessly and made himself stop. "So I got to see KT today. Brought him his laptop so he could start catching up on homework."

That made Tony stop rearranging the plates and napkins and turn to Bucky with a smile. "Good! So that mean's he is doing well?" 

"Yep. Should be out of there soon. Any update on Rumlow?"

Tony's smile turned evil. "From what I hear, he's had a run of bad luck lately, such a shame. He lost his service pistol, which, you know, big no no. And did you know someone stole his patrol car, spray painted it, and left something unmentionable smeared on the seats?  Then did the same with his personal car, which was found laying upside down in front of his apartment building?"

With a force of effort Bucky kept his face blank. "Strange."

"Very strange," Tony agreed. "Insurance didn't even pay out, mysteriously enough. Apparently they had dropped his coverage the day before and he hadn't gotten the notice yet."

"Crime in this city is getting really out of hand," Bucky said seriously. "He's lucky it wasn't something worse."

"Oh it will be, give it time."

There was that smug look again that Bucky loved, and he started to sneak another kiss when there was another knock. This time the security guard was escorting people inside, a middle-aged Black couple that looked around cautiously, like they were expecting the conference room to contain something nefarious. Bucky straightened immediately, trying to look professional, and smiled at them as Tony welcomed them inside, calling them by name and offering them a warm handshake. There was a steady stream after that, until the conference room was about half full. 

"Hello everyone, let's get started," Tony said, taking a head count and looking at the clock. "All of you are here because you either were recommended by a friend or a family, or I sent you a personal invitation. Thank you for being willing to join me today for this presentation, and please save your questions for the end. As you all know, my name is Tony Stark, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, and in this presentation I'm going to ask you for money." Tony grinned as almost everyone laughed. "Then I'm going to tell you what you're going to get for your money, and then I'm going to explain how you're not even going to notice that your money is gone." 

As interested as Bucky was in the presentation, he kept getting distracted by watching Tony effortlessly charm the room, making eye contact with each person and joking just enough to keep people interested without derailing his speech. It was a warmer, more authentic show than what Bucky had seen at the Policeman's Ball and it made Bucky's heart turn over with affection as he watched. KT had been right when he said that the buy-in speech could make you a believer; not just in the astonishing amount of benefits that Tony offered to people who agreed to the buy-in, but because Tony's enthusiasm for the project was contagious. 

"So why do you need our money?" One guy interrupted. "If you've got so much of it?"

"Good question," Tony said. He leaned against one of the tables, putting his hands in his pocket and crossing his legs at the ankle. "Yeah, the majority of the start-up money came from me. Since this organization is technically a nonprofit, I get to write it all off of my taxes, the way rich people often do. But I ask for your money because if I paid for all of it, then it would belong to me, wouldn't it? The whole point of this enterprise is to build ownership and equity in the community. You own the health clinic and the child care centers, the retirement homes and the apartment complexes. Not only does it mean you get to decide what to do with them, but it means that you start having a place at the same table that all of the billionaire developers and well-connected real estate moguls do."

"But the stuff about the taxes and stuff, where we just hand it all to you, that's tax fraud, isn't it? Which is illegal?"

"Well, yes, in a way," Tony said honestly. "You avoid paying taxes the same way rich people avoid paying taxes, by finding loopholes in the tax code and driving semi-trucks through them. But also, I'm the criminal, not you. If we get caught, I'm the big bad con artist that scammed honest folks like you out of your hard earned savings. There will be a class action lawsuit after the criminal proceedings, my lawyer will fight hard but not too hard to defend my assets, then they will eventually get divided up among all my victims in the kind of feel-good, good guys win story that is made for Hallmark TV. In the mean time, my job is to help the community fund the type of social welfare projects that the government should be doing but isn't, by taking from people who don't deserve it and giving it to the people that do. Which the government should also be doing but isn't."  

"So this is like, socialism," a young woman said in accented English. "Instead of paying the government taxes, we give that money to you, and you like, do all this stuff with it."

"Pretty much. Grassroots socialism with a capitalist veneer. I like to think of it as stone soup, from the kid's story."

"But why?"

"Because it's the right thing to do," Tony said, like it was obvious. Bucky hid his smile in his hand and hoped he didn't look too besotted; he'd sat all the way in the back for a reason. "I don't know else to say it. Why should I have so much when others have so little? I give a lot it away, because there really are so many problems that can be solved by throwing money at them, but some can't. Some need systemic change, which means empowering people, which is what I'm trying to do. That's why it's a buy-in, and not a handout." There was still some obvious reluctance among the group, and Tony's smile turned a little sad. "Look, I get it. You are used to people promising a lot and not delivering. And you think this sounds way too good to be true, right?" No one really answered, but the way they kind of avoided Tony's eyes said a lot. "Let me tell you a story.

"So I've been donating regularly to the free clinic on 17th for a while now. A few years ago, there was a kid volunteering there because he wanted to go to medical school. But he was in a shit position - his parents made too much money to qualify for the grants and needs-based scholarships, but not enough to actually afford tuition or even qualify for good student loans. So the doctor in charge of the clinic emailed me and told me to do something useful with all of the blood money I was getting from Stark Industries, and so I did. I paid for his entire education, and he came back and is currently the head physician at the rehab clinic. So if you want there to be a catch, if you need there to be a catch so that you can believe what I'm telling you, then that's the catch - you have to try to give back at least as much as you were given."

There was a long, thoughtful silence after that, and Tony wisely let it sit for a while instead of trying to fill it with words. "You don't have to answer now," he said after a few moments. "The forms that you would need to fill out for the buy-in are right here," he added, tapping a stack of papers next to him. "Take one with you, and think about it. Any last questions?"

"Yeah, I got one," the young woman said. "I heard you stole Jeff Bezos' car, is that true?"

-------------

A/N: If you enjoyed this story, come find me over at @marveltrumpshate​ where I will be participating in auctioning off TWO fanfics! One auction is a fic with art (with @massivespacewren) as WrenFyre and the other is a solo fic as Dracusfyre. All the money goes to a good cause of your choosing, so I hope to see you there!

#tony stark #bucky barnes #tony x bucky #winteriron #no powers au

[where2next]

How to Save Up Money for Travel

One of the biggest obstacles keeping people from traveling to their dream destinations is not having enough money. You can learn plenty of tips to significantly lower the costs, but the reality is that travel is still not a cheap endeavor.  Getting your finances in order is the only solution to reaching that goal of traveling every year. There are some concrete principles which need to be followed in order to put you on the path to your ultimate travel goals. The good news here is that these principles are not specific to only your travel budget but they can be used for every aspect of your life. You will have to put in the work, but you will be reaping the benefits of it for years to come, complete with being able to call yourself a world traveler!

Get started in financial literacy

For any area of life in which you want to make improvements, learning the important information is key.  Here you will find many of the core principles of budgeting and personal finance, but do not stop there. I fully encourage you to explore the wealth of knowledge freely available in blogs, podcasts, and videos. For our purposes, we highlight some of the basic actions to be taken so that you can start saving money for the purposes of travel.

Pay off high interest debt

The very first thing every person should do no matter what their travel goals are is to assess their debt. If you are buried in debt, your priority should not be traveling anyway until you are free from that burden. A good rule of thumb is to make a plan to pay off any debt above 5% interest. If you have any extra money at all after your expenses it should be put towards this debt. Mathematically, you should try to pay off the highest interest debt first because that will save you the most money. However, we are humans and it can be very unmotivating to try to pay off that debt if it is a large number. The most important thing is getting the debt paid off, not necessarily the order, so a popular tool people use is called the snowball method. With this method, you will pay the smallest balance first. For instance if you have $20,000 in student loans, a $2,000 personal loan and $1,000 in credit card debt, you would pay off the credit cards first. Once that debt is paid, whatever you were paying towards it gets added towards the next smallest debt, in this case the personal loan. You repeat that process until you are out of debt. Getting these small wins initially and seeing some results gives you motivation and will make it more likely that you will stick with it until you finally achieve freedom from debt.

Make a personal budget

It is true that “what gets measured gets fixed.”  To find the weak points in your spending habits, you need to first figure out what you are spending your money on. This can be done very easily these days with free budgeting apps like Mint or with more in depth paid software like YNAB. However, if you want to go fully customized, you can just plug your numbers into a spreadsheet on Excel or Google Sheets. Simply take all of the money you earn in a month and subtract all the money you spend in that month and see what is left over. If you have a negative number at the bottom, you have a problem. Budgeting is not glamorous work, but understanding your own habits can be very powerful and honestly quite surprising. When I started budgeting one thing I believed about myself is that I didn’t eat out very often; hardly at all. Well, after 6 months of tracking all of my expenses, I realized that what I usually spent eating out was roughly double what I had initially estimated. I just had a short memory. Once you have your budget you should get a clear picture of where you may be able to cut some expenses and you can choose what is most important to you. One example that always seems to come up in personal finance is getting rid of your morning coffee run to save money. That can be beneficial if you are motivated to do it but what if you really love that morning coffee? The point is your budget will help you prioritize which areas of your spending are more important to you. To continue with my own example, once I saw what I was spending on eating out I still wasn’t really motivated to change anything AT FIRST. However, things took a drastic turn once I started putting savings into my budget for travel. Afterwards when I would think about stopping to get some Chipotle I would ask myself, “Would I rather get Chipotle right now, or would I rather eat at home and go to Peru this year?” Sometimes I would still get the Chipotle but overwhelmingly I started choosing my travel goals and spent almost nothing on eating out. Putting my goals in the budget made them very real and motivating for me.

 Make a budget for your trip

Now that you have your monthly budget, you have to figure out what your savings goal will be in order to take your trip. This takes a lot of planning, but it can be a very rewarding process. Not only will you know how much money you need to reach your goal and how long that should take, but you will get to experience the trip twice: once while in the planning phase, and then again when you actually go there. Discovering the famous attractions and lesser known areas of a new destination can be very exciting and can help you keep your focus on why you are doing this. Find out what things you most want to do and then search for the deals around them for lodging and transportation. Add up all of those costs plus a little more for unforeseen expenses and you will have a number to set your goal. After that, it is just a matter of discipline and patience until you have saved enough and you can be on your trip!

Have an accountability partner

Anything that requires discipline and willpower is an easier process when you don’t have to do it alone. Have a friend or family member keep you accountable for sticking to your budget. If you plan to travel with friends, you can keep each other accountable and with this shared goal, it is much easier to stick to it until the end. Make sure you check in with each other at least once a week and you must be honest with each other. This is the only way you will learn and grow from mistakes made.

Ways to cut spending

One of the quickest ways to realize your financial goals is to cut any unnecessary spending. Once you start doing this, you will naturally start to prioritize what things are more important to you and what things you truly do not miss. Here are some common ways to cut spending:

Eating Out - Eating out can be an expensive hobby. It is also easy to fall into both from a social standpoint (all of your friends are going out) and from an energy standpoint (I don’t feel like cooking today). The thing is, this is simply not a necessity. Not only is cooking at home healthier for you, but it is going to save you a lot of money and helps you learn a valuable skill. If you are very busy and can’t cook all the time, buying ready-to-go meals at the grocery store is still cheaper than eating out.

Alcohol - This is another category that is not a necessity. Cutting out alcohol can also increase your health as well as your savings. Some people may want to cut it completely for the savings but even if you don’t want to cut it completely, budget to buy some alcohol for home. Don’t go to a bar where you will be paying for expensive drinks.

Coffee - Many people love their coffee. Still, if you want to save, consider making coffee at home rather than going to Starbucks or your local coffee shop. You will be spending pennies on the dollar.

Going to the movies - Going to the movies can be exciting, but more and more technology is letting us have just as good of an experience at home. Not to mention movie theater concessions have a ridiculously high mark up. Opt to make popcorn at home and enjoy a movie in the comfort of your own living room.

Going shopping - Most of us in the U.S. have more clothes than we need. In fact, many people have clothing hanging in their closets that has never been worn. Unless you absolutely need something like a new dress or new pants for a job interview, stop shopping retail.

Negotiating utilities and phone bills - Most people either don’t know or get complacent, but you can negotiate your bills! You should regularly be on the lookout for sales and promotions from your phone company, internet and tv providers, insurance providers, and more. Another good tactic is to switch providers of these services every so often because they will usually give some sort of discount to new customers. This is a great way to lower those bills that you pay every single month.

Ways to increase income and savings

Though this one can be harder to execute, it can also be the most effective. The easiest way to be able to save more money is simply by having more money in the first place. This is obviously much easier said than done but there are a few ways in which you can grow your dollars:

Ask for a raise - One of the quickest ways to get more money is to simply ask for it. Now this must be preceded by good work on your part, but many people could get at least a small pay bump just by asking for it. There are many helpful resources online on how to properly and effectively ask for a raise. If you get one, all of that money that you didn’t have before could be put toward your travel savings.

Avoid lifestyle inflation - Anytime that people do get a raise or get some unexpected income, they tend to adjust their habits to that new income level. However, if you are able to live just fine at your current income, then anything that you make on top of that should be put towards your savings. Do not succumb to lifestyle inflation just because it is easy. You know you can live on less. Do it and reap the benefits of more travel!

Start a side hustle - If you cannot get a raise or have already gotten one but still need more income, you can start something of your own to make money. If you enjoy woodworking, you can make furniture and knick knacks to sell. If you enjoy photography you can advertise to do pictures for people. If you don’t have a very flexible schedule but you have a car, drive Uber when you can. If you work hourly, see where you might be able to pick up an extra shift or two. There is technically no limit to what you can make into a side hustle. It is simply something that you do apart from your primary job that people will pay you for.

Save your tax return for your travel - When it comes time for you to receive your tax returns, plan to put it towards your next trip. If you have a good budget, your tax return isn’t needed in order to live anyway. Depending on the size of your tax return, that right there could fully fund your next adventure!

Open a high yield savings account - A quick and easy way to help your nest egg grow just a little faster is to put it in a high yield savings account. Most banks offer savings accounts that give less than a tenth of a percentage in interest. However, there are several online savings accounts like Ally Bank and CIT Bank that offer much higher interest rates up to 2%. This by no means will make you rich, but it is a good way to have the value of your money keep up with inflation.

Bottom Line

There are always ways to save up for the travel that you want to do. Once you understand how much your trip will cost, how much money you make each month, and how much money you spend each month, you can figure out exactly what you can save for your travel and how long it will take you. With a combination of increasing your income and slashing your spending, you will see positive results and before you know it, you will be on an airplane to your dream destination. Get out there and explore!

#budget travel #worldtravel #travel #budgeting #personal finance

[appreciatethefoolishness]

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3

EVERYTHING IS JUNGKOOK X READER

Do you also laugh a little when you read a badboy!Jungkook fanfic and want some more realistic? Because we all know how humble and kind Jungkook really is, so I'm here to help you! (This is a list parted in two because of the links limit hih)

Jungkook = badboy 

Jungkook = an actually nice and lovely guy ❤️  

⌜(m) = smut, mature

 (f) = fluff, cute shit

 (a) = angst, sad stuff or action

 ✓ = finished

 ** = a favorite    

oneshot = story with only 1 part

series = story with more than 1 part    ⌟

sorted by word count, this is over 90 fics and yes, I know I have no life but I don’t see any problem with that lol

(By the way if you’re wondering why some of the summaries suck it’s because I wrote them due to that some authors don’t write synopses lol)

last updated: 27 May

AND BY THE WAY thank you so much all the writers here for taking your time to write these amazing fics and publish them for our enjoyment! I’m so grateful to be able to read and love them and don’t let anyone tell you different because you all are REALLY good at writing, like damn. Thanks again and have a great Jungkook reading 💙❤️💜 💙💜💚💞💞💞💛💚🖤💜💛💙💜💙💜💚

Animal (m) (a) ✓

[115.9k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 

“As a nursing student you struggled financially but when your best friend suggests a way for you to make some illegal money you can’t say no and that’s when you meet him; Jungkook, an underground fighter who you can’t stand but seems to stay on your mind nevertheless.”

THE WRITER > @cutaepatootie

For science (m) (f) (a) ✓ **

[95.9k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 

"Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science."

THE WRITER > @boymeetsweevil

Falling into you (m) (a) (f) ~ ongoing**

[94.2k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 

"Jungkook’s innocence is like a breath of fresh air in your wild life, and though you know you’re toxic for him, you just can’t seem to stay away."

THE WRITER > @kookingtae​

Charmolypi (f) (a) (m) ✓

[69.3k words] series pt.0 pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9

“Work and pleasure should never be combined — or so the saying goes. But you were never really one to follow the rules in their entirety and neither were the ones around you. Love, lust, interest. Five people. In the workplace. What could go wrong? Everyone just wants to get something, after all.”

THE WRITER > @njssi

The Turning Test (f) (m) (a)~ongoing**

[67.3k words] series masterlist

“’The Turing Test, developed by Alan Turing in 1950, is a test of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human.’ Jungkook fiddled with your hands in his, humming softly, as if deep in thought. You noted the way his eyebrows had furrowed, the sweet way his lips formed a pout, and wondered what could possibly be troubling him so much. What had he learned today? ‘Creator,’ he began, dragging his gaze up to meet your own, ‘you gave me a mind that thinks, hands that feel, and a heart that beats, but did you give me a soul?’“

THE WRITER > @fortunexkookie 

Bandslam (a) (m) (f) ✓

[59.6k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

“Cocky drummer Jeon Jungkook has never been the type to hate on anyone. But when his best friend Taehyung unexpectedly leaves the band and leaves you in his place, he can’t really blame himself when he acts with disdain towards you. Not even when there’s a prize at stake.“

THE WRITER > @ironicarmy​

Ego (f) (m) ~ ongoing **

[59.4k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6

“What’s a girl to do when her sweet, innocent baby lab partner isn’t quite so sweet and innocent? well, he’s a grown-ass man, and you’re about to learn that the hard way.”

THE WRITER > @suga-kookiemonster

Givenchy & gold (m) ✓

[59k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 

“You’re the supervisor of the clothing department with a lot of useless lingerie knowledge, Jungkook is the jewelry department’s defiant hot boy who flirts in wristwatch brands. basically an upscale retail au, but with lots of implied under-the-counter sex. and when an opportunity presents itself to fuck each other in the boss’s office after hours, you’re both too hot for each other to say no.”

THE WRITER > @prolixitae 

Wanted (f) (a) (m)  ✓**

[56k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 

“ You were a deserter, a renegade, a wanted “criminal”. It was never in your plans to crash land on that planet, and it most certainly wasn’t in your plans to fall in love with it’s handsome ruler.”

THE WRITER > @jincherie

One thing right (a) (f) (m) ✓**

[55k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9

“‘i’ve been wrong about a million times, but i’ve got one thing right.’

or, desperate to get your ailing mother into the best care possible, you ask your childhood friend turned enemy to marry you for his health insurance benefits. the only problem is it’s illegal. and he’s the sheriff. and you swore to hate him since the day he broke your best friend’s heart.”

THE WRITER > @hobios

(Y)our name (a) (f) (m) ~ ongoing**

[54k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5

“It's always been the two of you since you were little. People came and went in your lives and Jungkook didn't mind until you turn into grown-ups and he starts to mind a bit too much.“

THE WRITER > @jjkpls

True care (m) (f) (a) ~ ongoing **

[53.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7

“Your (endearingly) shy bodyguard- hired by your father- would do anything for you. Even though you roll your eyes at his persistence and pretend there’s no need for him to follow you to every and any place you go, there might be many more hazards in your life than you let on. And you might end up needing him in more ways than you- or your father- would ever think.”

THE WRITER > @joonsgalaxy

Moonlight melody (f) (a) ✓

[51k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“When your loving best friend playfully pranks you one too many times, you decide that revenge is best served hot, over a period of thirty days, and with a little extra help from the best violinist you know (sorry jimin). or, the one where during your month-long vacation in italy with your youth orchestra, you realize that vengeance is sweet but fake dating jungkook is sweeter.”

THE WRITER > @gukyi

Falling Skies (a) (f) (m)✓ **

[50k words] series masterlist

Jeon Jiyeon was your childhood best friend; her brother, Jungkook, was something else entirely. Once upon a time, she had called you her sun and him her moon; it was fitting, given the constant push-and-pull between you two. You used to consider him a friend, but then he had gone from endearingly frustrating dumb boy to card-carrying fuckboy so fast it had given you whiplash. You often wondered how Jiyeon wasn’t bothered by his behavior. In fact, she often seemed to encourage it. What you failed to see was that she was just trying to show you how he reflected your light. Jiyeon had realized he was in love with you even before he did, but of course she knew. It was a twin thing. So despite the fighting and teasing, you always found yourself drawn back to him. You knew he was one of two constants in your life: the Jeon twins were - and had always been - your one indisputable truth. You were the sun, Jungkook was the moon, and Jiyeon was the sky holding you both up When she died, it ripped a black hole right through you.”

THE WRITER > @fortunexkookie

Bitchin’ (f) (m) (a) ✓

[49.5k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

“The 80s were a time of choices. Which perm was right for you? What color neon would you wear next? None of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with Jeon Jungkook.”

THE WRITER > @kinktae

Paralian (f) (a) (m) ✓**

[48.3k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“Far away, under the sea exists the merfolk Kingdom of Venetus. Y/N is a warrior princess, sworn to protect the nation she loves. Each night she and her unit are tasked with patrolling the ocean, until one night they come across an unmarked ship. The ship carries a dangerous secret which tears Y/N’s ideals apart. In the midst of escaping said danger, Y/N is forced to rely upon a Prince. The Prince of Pirates, whose fate and Y/N’s seem inexplicably entwined. Whether their meeting will end in joy or heartbreak remains to be seen. (A -very- loose retelling of The Little Mermaid).”

THE WRITER > @kpopfanfictrash

Tantalizing (m) (a) ✓

[47.9k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8

“Back in high school, you were nothing more than a nerd Jungkook wanted to deflower, to get a good fuck from. When he sees you at the club, though, things have changed drastically, and his dominance starts to teeter on the edge.”

THE WRITER > @littlemisskookie

Equilibrium; Polyamory (m) (a)  ~ ongoing **

[47.7k words] series pt.0 pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10 pt.11 pt.12 pt.13 pt.14 

“Polyamorous relationships are not as glamorous as they appear in the movies. Granted, the sex is better- tangled limbs and wet kisses on every inch of skin imaginable, but not even the sex is worth the mind-numbing jealousy, the utter despair. Because equilateral triangles do not exist in real life. There is no sense of order in human affections. No balance, no equilibrium. You are in love with Jimin, who loves Jungkook. And Jungkook loves… Has he ever loved anyone but himself? On the outside, you smile widely and pretend that you’re perfectly content with this arrangement. But your façade crumbles, bit by bit, every time Jimin goes to Jungkook instead of you. You’re not sure how much more you can take.”

THE WRITER > @tayegi

Worth fighting for (f) (a) ~ongoing**

[43.7k words] series masterlist

“Fresh out of the perils of war, Jungkook didn't think that his task as the newly appointed general would be to look after you.”

THE WRITER > @joonsdiary​

The Monogamy Monologues (f) (m) (f) ✓

[42.7k words] oneshot here 

“ The year? Some point after college. The occasion? Namjoon is getting married and the Rich Man’s Crochet Club has convened once again. Somewhere between the drinks and the laughter, everyone has the same realization: Jungkook has never been in a serious relationship. In the name of all that is holy (Overwatch and booze), the club’s mission is revived. Now though, their goal is much more perilous. Now, they aim to find Jeon Jungkook a girlfriend.”

THE WRITER > @kpopfanfictrash 

The devil’s change up (m) (f) ✓ **

[41.3k words] oneshot here 

“Majoring in athletic training means you have mandatory observation hours to perform with every single sports team at your school throughout the year, and so far it’s been going pretty great. However, when regrets from your past cause your rotation with the baseball team to become a little rocky, there’s one star pitcher who says that he can make it all better.”

THE WRITER > @jungblue

Frost Impressions (f) (m) (a)  ✓ **

[41.3k words] oneshot here

“Jeongguk is so disgustingly smitten with his new coworker that he ends up making a terrible first impression, and neither of them realize they’ve actually been in love with each other for the better part of a decade. “

THE WRITER > @fortunexkookie

And action (f) (m) ✓ **

[41k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 

“Jungkook likes to film illegal stunts around the globe for his dedicated audience. because of you, his right-hand navigator, he gets to travel to beautiful places he’s only ever seen in textbooks. but in the wake of a mishap involving poisonous shrubbery, now’s a perfect time for him to confess his undying love for more than just videography. or, ‘I know you’re my best friend but I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day we met’ au.”

THE WRITER > @prolixitae

Baby, my baby (m) (f) (a) ✓

[39.6k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

"Raise my child, just for twelve months."

THE WRITER > @pjimims

A well-oiled machine (f) (a) (m) ✓ **

[38.2k words] series pt.1 pt.2

"Your life takes a bit of a turn when you stumble upon an android in pieces, hidden in an alleyway in an area known for its shadows and debauchery. Taking him home to fix him might have been the best decision you’d ever made, but perhaps there was a little more to the android JK01-97 than you’d initially thought."

THE WRITER > @jincherie

The lionheart’s oath (f) (m) (a) ✓ **

[36.7k words] oneshot here

“There was no happy ending, no dragon slayer to save the kingdom and get the princess — there was only him: Jungkook. A simple orphan that was lucky enough to be invited into the castle, a former homeless thief that had found shelter in the form of an elysian heir. Now, after twelve years by your side, he was about to lose you to the world you sought to explore.”

THE WRITER > @sugaxjpg

Employee Perks (m) (a) (f)~ongoing

[34.6k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

“Sure, the employee perks at your job were bonuses, life insurance, sick leave, health benefits etc. etc., but the best employee perk of all was working with a man known as Jeon Jungkook.”

THE WRITER > @chiminiemoans

In Bloom/Lake of Fire (m) (a) (f) ✓

[33k words] pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

“One of the consequences of being a werewolf was the yearly heat that took place for three whole days, Jungkook had warned you not to come near him under that period of time for your own safety but your never-ending worry for him made you disobey his request.”

THE WRITER > @tayegi

New toy (m) (f) (a) ✓

[32.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

“Your new neighbor turns out to be the perfect toy for you.“

THE WRITER > @btsjeonjazz

Ramen (m) ~ongoing 

[32.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 

“‘It has certainly been quite the party,’ you began, taking a stroll around the table to give his friends time to ogle you. ‘But I'm here for someone else on his special day.’ The end of the riding crop snapped suggestively against your open palm and you felt excitement bloom around the large table. “Now, let me see if I can find out which of you is the birthday boy..." 

The charade of finding your fare was one of the oldest tricks in the book. After years of sex work, you knew that as soon as you said, ‘let me see,’ the eyes of the bystanders would point you in the right direction. And sure enough, as you pretended to identify your prey, the men’s line of sight fell on the far corner of the table. The choice of the corner was quite surprising, as you expected the shy wallflower of the group to sit there, not someone who was supposed to be the center of attention.”

THE WRITER > @dark-muse-iris

Gravity (a) (f) ✓

[29.2k words] oneshot here

“The universe works in mysterious ways.“

THE WRITER > @donewithjeon

Not quite strangers (f) (m) (a) ✓ **

[29k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“There are two things that you very much hate in this world; first being woken up in the evening, second being woken up in the morning – and Jeon Jeongguk, the stranger a.k.a the guy who lives across your shitty apartment does just that, every single fucking time.”

THE WRITER > @seokwaves

Rigor Mortis (a) (f) (m) ✓ **

[28.5k words] oneshot here 

“A night out at a bar results in you going home with a young and attractive police officer. But if you think the night was something to remember, that’s nothing compared to waking up to find a zombie outbreak in the city. A chance encounter with Officer Jeon leads to him helping you escape from the plague infested city.”

THE WRITER > @readyplayerhobi

Something in the water (m) (f) ✓

[25.8k words] oneshot here

“Sleeping in is a foreign concept to Kim Taehyung and his awkward, mismatched gang of pals. This is made all the more apparent when they rock up at ____’s doorstep at the ass crack of dawn, as if it is a natural time for any college student to be awake. But when she is informed that it was the youngest of their group who insisted she join them on their spontaneous camping trip, she is suddenly not as reluctant to play along than when she was first awakened by her enigma of a best friend, slamming his fist against her front door.” 

THE WRITER > @vankoya

Roommates (m) ✓ **

[25.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 

“Letting your best friend’s baby brother live with you didn’t seem like a problem until well... you discovered how hot he had become.”

THE WRITER > @tayegi

Snow and Ice (m) (f) (a) ✓

[24.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“ Three thousand athletes from 92 countries from the world meet every four years to show off what they have, the pride of their countries and families weighing down their perfectly sculpted shoulders. This year’s winter Olympics holds something a lot more interesting.”

THE WRITER > @hayjeon

Ace (m) (f) (a) ✓ **

[24k] oneshot here 

“Jungkook only cares about three things: Baseball, painting and his team, but soon he’s adding you to that list when love comes flying at him fast and hard, knocking him right on his ass.”

THE WRITER > @hijoonie

New romantics (f) (a) ✓**

[24k words] oneshot here

“Jeon Jungkook will go down in history as one of the best Quidditch players that ever graced the Hogwarts scene. It seems like he always gets what he wants—his life is very predictable in that sense. What he cannot predict, however, is the newest weekend employee wiping down the tables at the Three Broomsticks.”

THE WRITER > @cupofteaguk

Save Me (m) (a) ✓

[24k words] series pt.1 pt.2

“Jungkook’s a vampire who has an interest in you and you have feelings for him, but he sleeps around with other human girls as well and when you start to get tired of it you cut off communication with him and avoid him so he tries to get you back through sweet gestures and staying with you instead of going around.”

THE WRITER > @baeseoul

Catharsis. (m) (f) ✓

[23.5k words] oneshot here

“No matter what kind of release you need, he’s there.”

THE WRITER > @junghelioseok

Swipe right (f) (a) (m) ~ ongoing

[23k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“Jungkook wasn’t always like this. Or maybe he was and you don’t want to admit that he had you fooled. You quickly discover he has a lot more to offer than exchanging pleasantries and awkward small talk. In fact, he never seems to shut up.For the better part of a year, he’s held your irritation hostage, never passing up an opportunity to deliver savage one-liners at your expense. When he discovers you’re on Tinder, he turns up the brattiness factor and intentionally seeks you out. Who knows? Maybe if you gave him a chance he could charm the pants right off of you. Then again, maybe he’s just a fuckboy.“

THE WRITER > @stutterfly

Hot confusion (m) ~ ongoing

[22.9k words] series (on AO3) here 

“Jungkook thought his body had already matured, turns out he's a late bloomer and goes through puberty hell when he turns 16. And it doesn't end until he's 19, the worse part is that all along the ride he can't stop the constant sexual arousal he gets around his best female friend, Y/N.While he's confused whether it's her just her body that turns him on, or also her personality, he can't help but feel jealous when other boys start to take interest in her. All he knows is that he wishes he'd stop having wet dreams at 4 AM about Y/N, he's running out of excuses to his mom to why he needs to do the laundry.“

THE WRITER > @partyjunkie 

Blue orchids (a) (f) ✓

[22.6k words] series pt.1 pt.2

“Hanahaki & soulmate au.”

THE WRITER > @inktae

If I told you (f) (a) ✓ **

[22k words] oneshot here 

“In order to pay for university, jeon jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. all while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.”

THE WRITER > @gukyi​

➔PART 2 

➔PART 3

(Disclaimer; if you ever find a badboy!jungkook fic here it means he wasn’t a total asshole in it and I didn’t mind his character lol)

#jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #BTS jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook x you #jungkook x oc #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fic rec #bts fanfction #bts #bts x reader #jeon jungkook fanfic

[post-grammatic-stress]

One teacher’s take on reopening

[image description: Tweet from Trump that says in all caps SCHOOLS MUST OPEN IN THE FALL!!!]

[image description: Tweet from Trump that says, In Germany, Denmark, Norway,  Sweden and many other countries, SCHOOLS ARE OPEN WITH NO PROBLEMS. The Dems think it would be bad for them politically if U.S. schools open before the November Election, but is important for the children & families. May cut off funding if not open!]

TLDR for below the cut: Most American schools do not have the funding, resources, or staff to open safely this fall. We will open anyway and do our best given the circumstances. There will be a body count.

Long version:

So this asshole cares about schools now, huh? THIS GUY? who alleged cheated on the SATs and who definitely said that he “loves the poorly educated”?

I want to reopen schools as bad as anyone else. Probably more so. I love teaching. I miss my kids. I miss my classroom. I don’t enjoy teaching online, and I don’t think it’s good for the majority of kids’ educations to be 100% online. I want to be back in school - I just want it to be safe for all involved. I want it to be sustainable.  Rushing back the way we are just means we are going to get shutdown again within weeks.

In order to open safely, this is what the CDC recommends for schools :

[image description: an infographic from the CDC that says, “the more people a student or staff member interacts with, and the longer that interaction, the higher the risk of COVID-19 spread”. An arrow goes fro the left to the right side, starting with green labeled “lower risk” and ending with red labeled “higher risk”. Beneath the arrow are three graphics describing the situations for each risk. On the left under “lower risk” is a person doing work on a laptop labeled “virtual classes, activities, and events. In the middle, the image is of a regular classroom with three children in it sitting in desk spaced apart. It is labeled “small, in-person classes, activities, and events with virtual options when possible”. The image furthest to the right under “higher risk” is of four children sitting in desks touching each other and is labeled “normal sized, in-person classes, activities, and events”.

The high school I teach at doesn’t have any of that currently in place except what is highest risk; we lack funding to get what we need to put anything safer in place. We don’t have the staff needed to put lower risks procedures in place; we lack the funding to hire more. In fact, my district, like many others, has a $31 mil budget shortfall this year.  And we’re in a rich county - in the top 20 richest in the country, in fact. This is what a rich county is facing. 

Due to the $31 MILLION budget shortfall, the district is no longer paying as much for my health insurance, passing that cost on to me, and have included furlough days in teacher contracts, which reduces our salary. 

My school opens in exactly one month. I report back Aug 3. According to the presentation given by the district administration to our school board at the last meeting (if you’re getting my implication that nothing has been directly communicated to teachers or families, good catch! Nothing has!), in addition to my normal work of, you know, teaching and grading, my duties for this year have increased. Here are the requirements the district admin has and the questions I have in return that do not yet have answers:

sanitizing all hard surfaces in my room between each class. We are not reducing class sizes and are doing a regular 5 day schedule. So if we’re just looking at student desks (not any other surfaces or the Chromebooks, which I’m sure we’ll have to use - can they turn in assignments on paper anymore?), I will have to sanitize 33 desks (and their seats) 8 times each day. If each wipe down takes 10 seconds (that’s a very low estimate, yes), that’s 5.5 minutes per cleaning. Our passing periods are 5 minutes. Where are the kids while I’m doing this cleaning? Are they standing in the hallway with the 33 kids who are trying to get into the classroom next to mine? Where are the cleaning supplies coming from? Your guesses are as good as mine because the district didn’t tell us how to do this. Just that we have to.

keeping all students six feet from each other at all times. do they have a plan for what happens during passing periods? not that i’m aware of. they suggested staggering start times, but have no plan for what that looks like. are they going to reduce my class sizes? no. is it physically possible to get the 33 desks needed for my classes spaced so that each kid is six feet from all other kids? no. do they have a solution for that? no. also have they met teenagers? 

eating lunch in my room with an assigned cohort of students who are also eating their lunches. Hopefully an allergy sensitive group due to my own severe allergies that often lead to me eating on my own.  My contract used to guarantee a duty-free lunch time. My contract now includes a clause that states they can reduce my salary at any time during the school year without notice.

simulcasting all lessons for students learning from home (parents are allowed to enroll kids in online school this year without them having to change schools). When asked about what we were supposed to use to record these lessons - cameras, mics, etc - we were told they don’t have those yet, but that they have removed all the desktops from our classrooms because they were “outdated”. Which means the laptop I use to give presentations will be stuck at the back of my classroom where the cords for the projector are, at all times - not very useful for also filming my lessons. How will we get tech needed for this, given the severe budget shortage? They don’t know. How are they assigning elearning students to teachers? am I getting them in addition to the kids i have physically in the classroom? are all teachers teaching in person and online? only some? how do we decide?  they have no answers for any of those questions

following all ieps and other learning plans as written, of course, but without guidance for how the other requirements might interfere. what do i do if i have a student who is deaf or hard of hearing who needs to be able to see my mouth as i’m speaking? do i take off my mask? what about ELL students who also benefit from seeing mouth movements associated with speech? the schools are not providing face masks, though they are required, but said that we might need clear face shields for those scenarios. where is the money coming from for those?

monitoring all students’ physical and mental health. Each of our 2,400 students must have their temperatures taken at the beginning of the day. Am I responsible for doing that for my first hour kids? How do I know they got in only through the doors with temperature monitors? i’ve been yelling for years about the unsecured entrance near my room through which kids let each other into the building in order to bypass security and because it’s closer to the senior parking lot than the secured door - is anyone going to monitor that door? who? how are we paying them? where are we getting the money for thermometers? what software are we using to track their health info that also safeguards their private information? they have no answers for these questions.

all lessons, after being simulcast and taught in person, will also be uploaded to the online learning platform in their entirety. How are they going to make sure everyone, even the teachers that they can’t even get to put their grades in on time or email home regularly, does that? They don’t know. Are they upgrading our internet, which regularly experiences outages, to handle all this streaming?

So until Trump and DeVos have any kind of plans or money to go along with their “pressure” to reopen schools, they can fuck right off.

#education #teaching #school #high school #covid19

[thesecretfandom]

Wanderlust: The Grandest Adventure - Bughead (Epilogue)

Word Count: 1,328

Rated: G

A/N: We have reached the conclusion of Wanderlust. Thank you to those who supported me and this work. It’s been a long time coming... a year and half in fact. I hope you enjoy! (Read on AO3)

(Previous Chapter) Completed Work

Jughead forked out some cash for a taxi when they finally made it through customs and baggage claim. After an eight hour flight all he wanted was to eat an entire pizza by himself and go to bed immediately. Betty's hand in his changed his plan only slightly. He'd give two pieces of pizza to her and make sure to hold her in his arms as they fell asleep.

It took a ridiculous amount of time to get to his apartment. When they'd booked their tickets home, they hadn't realized that they'd land right in the middle of rush hour. Betty was snoozing on his shoulder in the back of the cab when they finally arrived outside the brick building. He nudged her awake.

"We're home."

Betty blinked slowly up at the four story building and then back at Jughead. "Home is wherever I'm with you."

"Please don't tell me that I married a woman who is going to put song lyrics on the walls."

"I'm just teasing, I want to go see my new home."

His third floor apartment was a sight for sore eyes. He kicked open the door and  tossed his bags on the floor and motioned for Betty to do the same. Before she could step inside, Jughead picked her up and carried her through the door.  In the small place it only took a few steps to get to the other side of the room where his queen sized mattress sat on the floor.

He dropped down onto the bed and pulled her close.

"I am never leaving this bed." He sighed.

Betty laughed. "Well you're going to have to, because first thing tomorrow we're buying a real bed."

"What's wrong with this one?"  

"First, it’s just a mattress, not a bed. Second, it feels like something you got at a thrift store… or a dumpster."

"You may be a little bit correct, but it was cheap."

"It's a good thing I'm a professional bargain hunter then."

Jughead smiled and kissed her forehead. He rolled away from her and walked to the kitchen.

"I'm going to head downstairs and get us a pizza. All I have here is stale cereal and a box of granola bars."

"And you're going to leave me here alone?"

"It's your apartment now too. Just… cover the bathroom counter with stuff that I don't recognize and take up all of the closet with your clothes. That's what wives do, right?"

Betty shrugged. "I think I'll pass on the bathroom counter thing, but seeing that you only own four shirts and two pairs of pants… I'll take you up on the offer for the closet."

"I'll be back in half an hour."

-----------------------------------

One Month Later

Betty had been slowly decorating the apartment. Small things here and there to make it feel more homey. She hung sheer curtains along the walls, and placed large cushions on the floor instead of a couch. Jughead complained only a little bit when she bought a new shower curtain with a large floral pattern.

At least the new curtain gave her something nice to look at while she was vomiting in the toilet one morning. Jughead had been working at the pizza place they frequented, delivering during the day shift, so he was often gone by ten thirty. Betty had been doing her best to work from home, writing a blog that would hopefully gain some traction one day.

What she was more worried about at the moment was the fact that she had been locked in the bathroom for the past five mornings. At first she thought it was food poisoning, but now she found herself running to the drug store before Jughead got home.

Buying a pregnancy test at twenty years old was as awkward at she expected it to be. She hurried home and promptly ran to the bathroom. The minutes that followed were the longest of her life. She paced around the apartment, which seemed to be growing smaller and smaller as each second passed. When the two minute timer finally ran out, her heart stopped in her chest.

---------------------------------------------------

Jughead had a busy day at work. Students were coming back to college and Jughead was making bank in the number of tips he received.  He couldn't wait to come home and tell Betty how much he'd made and maybe even take her out for dinner.

Now that they were back in New York, he felt even more lucky to have Betty waiting for him at home every night. Some nights she would have supper ready for them to share when he got home. She hadn't been feeling well for a few days now, so he decided to bring a pizza home that night.

"Honey, I'm home!" Jughead came through the front door, but Betty was nowhere to be seen. "Betts?"

"In the bathroom, Jug."

"I brought pizza, if you're feeling well enough." He dropped the box on the countertop before pulling two plates out of the cupboard.

"I need to tell you something." She shouted from behind the bathroom door. "You might want to sit down."

He poured a hefty glass of milk and took a seat at the bar height counter. "Okay, I'm sitting."

When his lovely wife finally left the bathroom her hair was disheveled, she was wearing unusually baggy clothes. In fact, not only was she wearing one of his T-shirts, but she was also wearing his sweatpants. She held her hands behind her back, and there was a slight redness  in her cheeks.

"Are you okay? You look… worried?"

"I'm not sure exactly how to say this, so I'm just going to show you." She set something on the counter in front of him and sat down in the seat next to him.

"What is…?" He didn't finish the question. It was very clearly a pregnancy test. "This is…I can't… is this a prank? No, you wouldn't prank me… right?"

She set out three more pregnancy tests, all a different brand and all coming up positive.

"How did this happen?" It was a horrible thing to say in that moment, but he was honestly speechless.

"Jug…"

"Okay, I know how it happened, but you're on the pill."

"Well, uh…" She took a deep breath before continuing. "The thing about the pill is that you have to take it every day. And on our wedding night, or rather the next morning, I… I think I forgot to take it."

"So you're saying that this happened…?"

"This baby is a London Honeymoon baby."

He felt like he was going to faint. They didn't have room in their tiny apartment for a crib, car seat, stroller, or high chair. He needed a better job… one with benefits, health insurance, the works. He didn't want to raise a child the same way he was raised.

"Juggie, say something." Her eyes were glistening, like she was on the verge of tears.

"Oh, Betty… Sweetheart." He pulled her into his arms. "Don't cry… I'm happy, I really am."

"You are?"

"Of course!" He pulled back so he could press a kiss to her lips. "We're gonna be parents."

Betty finally melted into his embrace, her arms coming up to wrap around his neck. Her breaths came out in short shudders and she only held on tighter. Jughead's hands came up to comb through her hair, smoothing down the frizzy ends.

"I love you, Betty."

"I love you too, Jug." She pulled away from him this time and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Now can we eat that pizza? I'm starving."

"Of course, as soon as you get your pee sticks off the counter."

"Oh, I'm saving those for the scrapbook."

"Seriously?" Jughead raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well, no… but you could at least get some aesthetically pleasing pictures."

"I like the way you think, Betty Jones." He smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'll title it, The Grandest Adventure."

-----------------------------------

A/N: I didn’t want to leave this on a cliffhanger, but I do plan on writing a coda or two Let me know what you though, and which chapter was your favorite?

#bughead #bughead fanfic #bughead fanfiction #bughead au #betty x jughead #betty cooper #jughead jones #edit #wanderlust fic

[mylesudland]

Some thoughts on youth sports

Baxter Holmes at ESPN has a fascinating story out about the NBA’s concern over injuries in its young players. For anyone who has spent time training — at any level — the concerns outlined will be ones you’ve heard before: a lack of mobility in explosive athletes and a lack of flexibility in strong athletes create ticking time bombs that go off in the form of broken legs, broken ankles, and warped backs. 

The concerns voiced by executives and doctors at the NBA level are also familiar in the modern world of youth sports — by specializing in one sport at a young age, these athletes are set up for disappointment. They will be disappointed by their health and disappointed by their in-competition performance. In 2019, the issues surrounding the culture of youth sports are not new. The parents, the kids, the coaches, the administrators in every part of the country at every level in every sport have heard this story a thousand times. 

And the “answers” end up sounding a lot like what AAU board member Rod Seaford told ESPN. 

“The NCAA and the NBA loves to lay fault for their ills at the feet of youth sports or AAU,” Seaford told ESPN. “That's a pretty common thing. We've approached the NCAA and NBA with various proposals [only] to get lip service. We don't get much serious conversation. I don't doubt that it's a legitimate concern. But it's really easy to lay all those faults of the youth coach.”

The only answer is that there is no answer. Except that as I see it, the current youth-sports-industrial complex has a pretty straightforward incentive structure that perpetuates and accentuates that unathletic athletes that are filtering into the highest levels of American sports. It’s called the NCAA. 

---

For a brief time, I ran cross country in college. My results are not inspiring. But my path to college athletics began during a heated dinner conversation in the winter of 2006 when I told my parents I was going to give up baseball. It was a decision my father didn’t really understand: why did I need to run all year round? 

The previous fall I’d had a decent cross country season for a sophomore. Especially with the limited training I’d done the previous summer. After a string of races that showed promise, I ended up with a hairline fracture in my leg that resulted from running a race on an already stress-fractured leg. I ended up in a hard cast for a month. For me, the injury did not prompt questions about whether running was a viable long-term pursuit — was there, for instance, something anatomically that would disadvantage me as a long distance runner? — but instead convinced me that a tighter focus on running is what would stave off these injuries in the future. 

In the spring of 2006, the first during which I gave up baseball to pursue distance running as a singular pursuit, I ended up with a lingering shin injury and eventually my season ended with torn ankle ligaments after hitting a rock the wrong way on a run. For the second time in six months, I was in a hard cast. 

The next summer’s training led to a fall with a nagging hip injury. My results did not improve from the prior year. I survived the season, however, without a cast. Then the winter and spring of 2007 proved relatively injury free. And the results were just good enough that the opportunity to run in college was realistic. This, of course, had been the point all along. 

---

In March, the public was made aware of something we all sort of knew was happening, we just didn’t know how. Rich parents were buying their way into college. 

And while the FBI explicitly outlined that putting your name on a building and getting your descendants admission to an elite university as a result is not illegal, paying someone to take the SATs for your kid is. So is sending money to a fixer who sends some money to a college coach who then makes a spot for your kid on a team. Even if they’ve never played the sport. But the system that I think was laid most bare in Operation Varsity Blues is found in the name: it’s about the sports. 

If you watch any college sports, you’ve see a version of this commercial before: “There are over 400,000 NCAA student athletes,” we’re told, “and most of them will be going pro in something other than sports.

And so while the NBA is worried about the load borne by kids playing over 100 games a year between AAU and their school-sponsored team, for those kids the NCAA is the finish line. 

And as the FBI’s investigation into college admissions bribery outlined, one of the surest ways to overachieve your academic limitations is to be a good athlete. 

---

My modest success running long distances encouraged both of my brothers — always superior athletes to me — to pursue running both at a younger age and more seriously than myself. Both of them had considerable success. Both of them attended elite universities they would never have been accepted to based on their academic achievements as a result of this athletic success. The specialization that came to the Udland family ultimately worked out. 

Most weekends in the summer now we play golf together. None of us are particularly great. But the thing with golf is that everyone always thinks that if they could just spend more time practicing... So when we get together, the conversation sometimes leads to “what could have beens” about how things might be if we’d focused on, say, the three sports we all played as young kids (football, basketball, baseball) once we got to high school. Or what kind of golfers we could be if we’d played in high school, and so on. 

It’s the idle talk of former athletes re-living a not-lived version of their glory days. But what these conversations usually ignore is that the specialization we might now dream away was the right decision. It opened to each of us a college experience that would have otherwise been impossible. 

And so when we speak of the ills of youth sports, we must remember that the parents are not motivated because of professional sports, but about college sports. And while playing a sport in college is not realistic for most youth athletes, it is way more realistic than playing a professional sport. And the benefits — namely, an education at a university you might otherwise not be qualified to attend — are worth the risks of having more fun as a kid. Or, at least, that’s how many parents see it. 

---

When I sat down to write this piece, I don’t think I meant to apologize for youth sports culture. And I’m not sure I really did. But re-reading this piece it seems that I have a lot of sympathy for a culture that directs money away from families who don’t have a lot to spare and takes time away from kids who won’t ever get their youth back. 

The youth sports industry is fueled by bitter parents who think things should’ve gone a different way and put that anxiety on a child who is not equipped to know they’re but a pawn in an insecure adult’s do-over. Youth sports should be fun. And for many kids, they are not. 

But the incentives that underwrite the youth sports industry are also not hard to decipher. Athletic achievement for many kids unlocks academic — and in turn, professional — doors that otherwise don’t exist. You can be a national level concert pianist and make your pitch to Harvard on that basis, but if you’re a high school boy that breaks 9:00 for the 2 mile, you’re pretty much in. 

This argument is also the one used by NCAA executives who believe that paying college athletes is not justified. “They get an education,” you hear the amateurism defender saying. “That’s the payment.” And for an Olympic sport athlete, this may well be true. For the members of a major football program where television rights and ticket sales bring in tens of millions of dollars a year, this argument is obfuscating bullshit. 

This argument also leaves out the kids who end up at schools they aren’t really qualified to attend. But the lack of investment in public schools in America is beyond the scope of this post. (The demonization of public schools is one of our nation’s most shameful public policy stances.) 

Holmes’ article simply struck a chord for me because the NBA viewing itself as a relevant stakeholder in the culture of youth sports seems to me like an odd position for the league to take.

The league is defined by a dozen or so stars and their backgrounds are highly varied. LeBron James was The Chosen One at age 16 and has, improbably, exceeded that hype. Kevin Durant went to a major university to play college ball, was a star from the beginning of his freshman season, then entered the league and was one of its best players within three years. Kawhi Leonard and Paul George were overlooked high school players, mid-first round picks, and have grown into themselves. Giannis Antetokounmpo’s journey to the NBA from Greece earned the 60 Minutes treatment. 

All of which is to say that the NBA’s worry about youth sports matters little to the league’s players that actually define for the public what the sport really is about. Which is about stars. 

Certainly, some NBA general managers would like the deeper parts of the league’s pool to be more mobile and less injury prone. The freak leg fracture suffered by Julius Randle — a product of the AAU system and the University of Kentucky’s NBA farm system — was certainly a blow to Randle, his family, and the Los Angeles Lakers. 

But the lesser versions of Julius Randle, the kid from Dayton he played in a summer league tournament back in 2011 that ended up getting a scholarship to Kent State, probably doesn’t regret his choice to overextend himself during high school summers. Because while that kid might’ve had his eye on Ohio State, a scholarship came through. The gamble paid off. 

And when you’re at a desk making calls to sell P&C insurance in suburban Cleveland, you don’t worry about your chronically stiff ankle in the morning. 

Instead you wonder what could’ve been with your buddies, knowing it worked out just fine. 

#youthsports #basketball #ESPN #NBA #NCAA #college sports

[sidenotelife]

3 things I learned from 7 years of counseling

One of the major perks to the med school I’ve been at for the past seven years is that they offer free counseling and psychiatry visits for students. I essentially started going to counseling to deal with issues related to depression and anxiety which include but are not limited to: understanding my emotions, anger management, coping with stress, recognizing when I’m stressed, social skills, effective communication. Sidenote - fun fact, 66% of state medical licensing boards require you to disclose if you’ve ever had a mental health diagnosis regardless of whether you are receiving current treatment and if it affects your ability to be a physician. If you are interested, see article here that shows that physicians in states where you have to disclose your mental health history are less likely to seek psychiatric treatment. There’s actually a bunch of online conversation about this topic, but I had never even considered it until I graduated med school. Anyways, over the past seven years I’ve had good and bad counselors, but I’ve managed to learn some useful stuff regarding self-care during these years. Sidenote - I should preface this by saying that many counselors spoke to me about the importance of exercise, taking time to myself, etc. but I feel these ideas are well established and basically common sense, so I’ll address three things that I had never really thought about before going to counseling. 

1. The emotion wheel.

A big problem I had/have... Sidenote - throughout this post I’ll talk about problems that I’ve worked on during counseling and I’ll refer to them either as “had” or “have”, but really these are all problems I still have, hopefully just to a lesser degree than I did seven years ago. Anyways, one problem I had is that I felt angry a lot and whenever Katie would ask me what was going on I would explain it as being tired but in reality I was having trouble putting my finger on the exact emotion I was having. I would just bunch up a lot of emotions under the umbrella of “tired.” So I had one therapist that introduced me to this emotion wheel where you choose your initial emotion which starts in the center, which is a simple one that literally includes the emotion “bad.” Then you branch out from there and progressively specify your emotion. 

For example, a common scenario when I would use the wheel is when I was doing the laundry wrong and Katie would comment on it and I would get upset, but when I broke down the “angry” feeling it branched to humiliation to disrespect. I was feeling disrespected about my laundry-doing skills, and understanding this was the precise emotion I was feeling helped me to troubleshoot it by working on my humility and helping myself see that I wasn’t the king of laundry, this was in fact Katie’s domain because she deals with house stuff all the time and I needed to humble myself to follow her laundry guidance. This feeling angry really had more to do with a resistance to being humble than simple being angry There are other examples of this, but the point is that the emotion wheel has been really useful for me because it helps me to interpret my own emotions at a more specific level, and thus allows me to better figure out how not to get angry. I saved a screenshot of this emotion wheel on my phone and look at it frequently. 

2. Nobody pays as much attention to me as I do. 

Another topic I worked on a lot during counseling is dealing with social anxiety and becoming real paranoid that everyone was judging me for all the awkward things I was doing. Part of this was probably true because I do lots of awkward things but I had several counselors coach me into understanding that the reality, for better or for worse, was that people were not paying that much attention to me. They, like me, were probably obsessing over their own actions and too preoccupied with themselves to pay attention to me. This has really helped me brush off social anxiety and not get so caught up in what I am or am not doing and become more comfortable just being myself. This kind of transitions nicely into my last thing: 

3. Stopping to think through my circumstances as if I were observing someone else. 

Whenever I found myself in a frustrating situation at school, like say I got critiqued for making a mistake in the operating room, I would go down a rabbit hole of worrying and thinking about irrational things which would rapidly deteriorate into meaningless anxiety. A thing that helped me escape these sorts of stress sinkholes was the idea of looking at my problems as if one of my friends were telling me about their problems, and then imagining what sort of advice I would give them. This was really useful because what I would tell someone else to do was usually a lot more rational and well-grounded than what I would do myself. For instance, if my friend was stressed about making a mistake in the operating room and being criticized by an attending I would not tell that person to reconsider medicine as a career, I would not tell that person to avoid that attending for the rest of their life, and I would not tell that person to replay the mistake over and over. Instead I would probably tell that person that it’s extremely normal to make mistakes as a medical student in the operating room, and it’s not really a natural setting for learning, and that they should go back and work with that attending unless they were told otherwise because they probably don’t even remember that you made a mistake nor do they remember your name. I sense that this general principle of minimizing self-bias is really important to introspection and self-improvement. 

So overall I’ve had a good experience with counseling these past seven years, but I wanted to end on this slightly paradoxical caveat. I want to take a second to talk about access to mental health care. If I had to consider paying for counseling, especially if I had to consider paying like $100/hr for it, I’m not sure I would have done it. I hate to say this because I would love to be a stronger advocate for counseling, but it’s just logistically complicated. And it’s not just the price. Over the past seven years I had like ten counselors and I felt really good about one or two? of them. I imagine this is the ratio for just about anyone who goes to counseling because it really does come down to personal fit, and it’s really not like finding a good orthopedic surgeon, it’s a lot more like finding a good spouse. So using some back of the envelope calculations, the cost of all the visits just to find a good counselor, not to mention it takes several visits to establish an initial rapport with a counselor, you could easily rack up $1,000+ to simply FIND a good counselor, and then you have to start paying $100 an hour to do the actual work of counseling. And we haven’t even gotten to the time it would take out of residency. In all the rotations I’ve never seen a resident leave early to make a personal medical appointment. In fact, I’ve rarely even seen a resident call in sick. I’ve much more frequently seen residents come in hacking up a lung. Considering that you would probably have to meet with a counselor semi-regularly to establish some initial rapport, it rapidly becomes impractical from the financial and scheduling perspectives to go see a counselor. Like I said, I hate to say this because I really believe counseling is useful and would be beneficial for basically everybody, but the way mental health services are valued by insurance companies and the greater healthcare community, I have serious questions about the practicalities of counseling. I guess I’ll end by reiterating that I overall recommend going to counseling and I really feel if the connection with a good counselor is there the benefits are quiet impactful, but I can also see the reality and I’m honestly not sure if I will continue going to counseling after medical school. 

see you on the other side,

from ken

[cummunication]

The craziest people I know (don’t go to therapy)

Therapy... I have an appointment today actually. I’ve been going for the last ten years. I first started seeing the school psychologist, going to my YFS center (youth and family services). I started going more regularly after my father died which was perfect since I would go during my lunch period. I had nobody to sit with at lunch so it was a perfect excuse to go. I began receiving outside counseling in eleventh or twelfth grade, once a week. At this point I was a minor so my mom paid. Now as an adult, I am thankful my mom brought me and paid because I see how inconvenient it can be and how it adds up. Even though most therapists accept insurance, some don’t. Even with insurance you can be paying 65$ up every time which is usually once or twice a week. That being said, I truly believe the best and most important thing we can invest in is ourselves and therapy is worth it. Therapy is being brought into the open which I’m very happy with but still, there is a stigma attached to counseling. The first thought most people have when they hear you are in therapy is “what’s wrong with them? Are they mentally unstable? Or, why do they need therapy?” People associate receiving help as something wrong with you or you can’t handle yourself. This is simply not true. The most mentally sane (or emotionally healthy people) are in therapy, receiving help for their issues. This is because they are open minded and willing to admit their flaws. They are ready to be proactive and willing to better themselves. I firmly believe everyone should be in therapy. Therapy isn’t just a useful tool where you receive an honest, outside opinion from a professional, but a time to be truthful with yourself, reflect, and gain useful insight. It’s immensely helpful in learning emotional intelligence and how to deal with feelings. Sometimes, when I suggest therapy to people, they say “I don’t need it, I’m not crazy” and to be completely honest, these are the people who need therapy the most. They are close minded, in denial and not willing or ready to deal with their shit. We all have things we should be willing to face, change and improve in ourselves. It’s not just people who have a diagnosable mental health disorder or went through a trauma that should go to therapy. I also hear therapy is “paying someone to be your friend”. This makes me sad because yes, like any other service, therapy is a business; but people who enter the human services, social work or psychology field are generally empathic people who truly care and want to help you. “If I go to a therapist, does that mean I'm crazy, weak or a failure? What will others think? What if I'm seen coming out of that kind of office? Such concerns are quite natural given our socio-cultural conditioning. Unfortunately, as a result, many people decide not to pursue counseling despite experiencing significant emotional, physical or mental distress. Let's clarify a few things. Most people who initiate counseling do not have a serious mental illness. They have serious life challenges or are going through difficult life-cycle transitions that may be taxing their current ability to cope. This, in turn, may be adversely affecting their well-being and ability to function as well as they would like. Examples of serious life challenges can be dealing with chronic work-related stressors; career issues; financial problems; health issues or a recent health diagnosis; family or parent/child conflict; cultural assimilation; and academic issues. Examples of difficult life-cycle related transitions can be the death of a family member or friend; the ending of a romantic relationship or close friendship; family/couple changes related to the addition of a child; getting married or divorced; care giving for loved ones due to illness or disability; and decision-making challenges related to these life choices. These are just some of the reasons why people decide to go to counseling. So, if you are going through one or more of these challenges at the same time, you're not alone. The effects are often cumulative, which is generally referred to as a 'pile-up' of stressors. Counseling during these times can be quite helpful in providing both the support and skills to better address these life challenges. Ultimately, it is an invaluable investment in your emotional, physical and mental health, an act of courage not weakness, and a gift to those whose lives you touch. But what if you’re not in a moment of “disaster relief?” Surprisingly, the best time to start therapy may be when your life’s going relatively well. Despite the fact that more than 59 million Americans seek the services of a mental health care professional each year, there’s a stigma that therapy is only for people suffering a debilitating mental illness or going through a massive interpersonal issue. The benefits of therapy extend far beyond periods of crisis. Many people want more than to be ‘not depressed.’ They wonder what they can do to be the happiest, most productive, most loving version of themselves. Because achieving your full potential requires a heck of a lot of self-knowledge, self-control, and—let’s be honest—hard work, it’s best done when you’re not in freak-out mode. What’s more, if there’s an issue in your life that’s causing you distress, it’s better to deal with it sooner than later. Over time, minor difficulties can bloom into disasters that have you hitting the tissue box hard. But the earlier you go to therapy and engage in introspection, the better off you are in the long run. The benefit of seeing a mental health professional is that it’s literally their job to reserve judgment and guide you toward what’s best for you. Whatever your decision, keep in mind that people’s resistance to your pursuit of mental health typically comes from their own fears: If you’re in therapy, it must mean they should be too. Or if you’re in therapy, you’ll change in a way that makes you less willing to be friends (or romantic partners) with them. Therapy simply allows it to happen with less trauma. While therapy can help remove the wool from your eyes, it won’t create problems where there were none to begin with. If you (rationally) determine you’re not in the right place—career-wise, romance-wise, or otherwise—congratulations! You’ve just identified a buried source of suffering. And by clarifying the origin(s) of your distress, you’re that much closer to living an authentically happy life. The most common types of therapy include cognitive behavioral, psychodynamic, family, and group. Whether you’re looking for a quick(ish) fix to a bad habit, anxiety issue, or phobia, or you’re just interested in some serious soul-searching (“What’s my life’s purpose?” “Why do I keep doing ____ in romantic relationships?”) there’s a therapy that’s waiting for you. Therapy isn’t supposed to eradicate all sadness, anger, frustration, or other negative emotions (envy, embarrassment, self-doubt, etc.). And thank goodness! Because often those tough emotions serve as an internal cue—if you’re listening. That’s where therapy comes in. It’s there to help you learn how to sit with, accept, and not be debilitated by these feelings—all while cultivating self-awareness. The result? You’ll be able to tune in and make choices that make the most sense for you. Rather than achieving perpetual bliss, the end result of therapy is to confidently navigate your life off the proverbial couch.” Also there are many excuses people will make to avoid or get out of therapy. I don’t have the time or money is a big one. What’s more, there are many free or low-cost support options, from hot lines to help groups. Those interested can visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness’s website for more resources. You can also check with your health care insurer to find a professional in your network, or search for practitioners in your area online. Or, if you’re a student, contact your campus health center. “Keep in mind that it’s important to find a therapist you “click” with. Often, this can mean trying out a few different providers before settling on the one who feels right for you. Therapy isn’t just for moments of earth-shattering personal tragedies. It can also be useful in reorienting yourself toward your true wants and needs, training yourself in the art of self-compassion, and better understanding, respecting, and communicating your feelings. And—surprise—it’s often easier to pursue these goals when you’re not wrestling bigger, darker obstacles. So consider this your permission to give therapy a try, even if your life is going hunky-dory. Your future self may just look back and say, “Thanks!”

#therapy #mentalhealth #blog

[glamrus-puta]

Help I Start School Tomorrow: A Check List

Do you need some sweet ass advice from somebody who’s spent no less than 18 years struggling through the muck of academia? Of course you do! Here’s a handy-ass dandy-ass guide to wtf should be going on in your pre-school prep!

Let’s get started~

1) What should I do with my day before I go back to the hell hole that is school?

I’m glad you asked! Do things that make the start of the semester feel like a fun and luxurious adventure awaits you! Especially for college and university people, the start of the semester loses pizzazz with age (and time).

Hype yourself up with some simple self care, these things don’t have to be expensive or cost anything at all if you can utilize what’s lying around in your kitchen, bathroom, neighbour’s house or wherever.

Wash your damn hair! Shower and take all the time you need, shave if you want to while you’re in there. The goal is to feel fresh and a lil less greasy the next morning.

Are you a lazy ass that doesn’t have time to moisturize? Me too! Get some Nivea in-shower lotion if you can, and before you towel dry douse yourself with baby oil gel (or literally just some olive oil or coconut oil- whatever you got lying around). Show yourself some love!!

Now is a great time to style your hair for tomorrow and protect it with a low pony or a night cap, btw

Do a face mask! Do a hair mask! Do a foot mask! Do whatever tf kind of mask you got handy! Use foods from your kitchen, or try Freeman masks they’re around 4$ each. Dollar store prices, department store quality.

Take an hour to fix your nails, toe nails, wax the stache or do any body maintenance you usually do. Pretend you’re going to a sick ass party and you’re grooming your meat vessel to perfection.

Lay out your sick outfit for tomorrow- pro tip: you want to be comfy and functional on buses/trains/on foot or however you commute. Think hard about the kind of weather you’ll be up against, and the general state of the terrain on your commute. Put your outfit on a hanger so it’s ready for tomorrow, even if you can’t do this every night during the school year it’ll get you in the right mental state to have your first day

Prep your meds! A big part of feeling good is taking our medications on time to reap their maximum benefits. Put them out on your kitchen counter if you think you’ll forget, go through your medicine cabinet: is there anything you need to remember to take with you to have during the day? Set alarms on your phone if (like me) you’ve got pills to take at different times of day- label them something that you’ll understand. (I use the names of the doctors that prescribed them so I know which pills are physical health and which are mental health).

Pack your lunch for tomorrow. Fruits and veggies bitch none of this “I’ll buy it when I get there” nonesense. Remember to stay hydrated! Bring some kind of receptacle to hold water/tea/coffee whatever. This is a solid habit to have year round, but remember the first couple school days can frazzle you pretty good and it’s good to have snacks on hand.

CLEAN YOUR GODDAMN ROOM. You’re gonna be shooketh in a bad way if you wake up on the first day of classes with a messy bathroom and shit strewn all over your sleeping space. Take all the time you need to put things lovingly away, if you’re feeling ambitious update your calendar and spray a little room spray or light a scented candle. Ooh la la

Do something fun. Do something distracting. Go out with a friend, read a book, take a couple hours of ‘me time’. You’ll be ready to die for it during the semester.

Feeling nervous? Call literally anybody you can stand to talk to for more than five minutes. Talk about dogs, talk about boats, ask them to guess how many jelly beans you’re holding right this second (sike b the answer is 0)- take a couple steps away from the whole school thing.

2) What the hell do I put in my backpack??

So this is where I fly into an unGodly rage. I’m so tired of seeing Instagram posts telling people their make up, perfume and breath mints are the most important of their school arsenal. What’s gonna save you when you bleed through your pants at school cause Aunt Flo decides to come chill on campus? Your perfume? Unlikely.

Here’s the real tea on what you should have in your bag, based on years of oopses, dire situations, and general mishap management.

A pencil case. Preferably full of writing implements. I can’t believe I have to tell people this but like......I do.....y’all childish

MEDICAL BAG: A small pouch is all you need! Tuck this away in your bag’s inside pocket, or in your purse, it could save not only your life but somebody else’s too. Get your prescriptions you need throughout the day like inhalers, anti anxiety meds, lactose intolerance pills, Imodium, symethicone etc.

Pack some ginger gravol (or regular drowsy gravol) for motion sickness or for when the flu season hits

Benadryl pills (and your epipen if you have one!) this is one of those things you should always have lying around at home and in your car

Alcohol swabs and band aids of your choice. Most pharmacies will sell 100 swabs for around 3$, look in dollar stores for discreet 1st aids packs and band aids. Stash them in your little pouch, it might not be you who falls down a flight of stairs and needs to bandage up their elbow- but at least you can help. (Based on a true story!!!!)

Panty liners/ tampons/ pads- this is another one of those things that others may benefit from

Get yourself a mini deodorant (3$ at Walmart) and wrap your hair ties around it. Double trouble, double storage capacity!

Tylenol/Advil, hunt around for little plastic pill holders like Pill Pals, they’re not usually more than 2 or 3 bucks and they hold A TON of pills

Vagina Bonus Round: do you take birth control? Have a tube of Canesten/Monistat/Vagisil or whatever for when the yeast season is upon us

Remember to carry your hospital card and/or medical insurance card on you at all times

Pharmacies will give face wipes individually wrapped for free. Usually brands like Cetaphil will dump them off as testers for customers- ask your local pharmacy cashier for stuff like mini hand creams, spf lip balms and face wipes. We’re happy to give them to you and you’ll get some real use out of them!

ASS WIPES. GET SOME. You can wipe down your bag with them, wipe down tables with them, flush them, and do all kinds of damage control. Trust.

Emergency money- the medical bag is a great place to hide emergency money (think bus fare, or 5$ for emergency food) because people are unlikely to rob what looks like a 1st aid kit

3. Friends come and go but portable chargers are forever- you can find cheap key chain ones at dollar stores. If you’re going to spring for one that lasts a few days on one charge I suggest the OKZU from Amazon. It’s HELLA SLIM and I can hold a charge for about 3 days before it reaches even 75% battery capacity. (It’s also the most budget friendly I’ve found to date about 14$ after shipping).

4. Remember make up, gum, little travel items and perfume can have a place in your bag but I would suggest transferring as much as you can into smaller and smaller containers. A whole bottle of perfume is a lot to carry around, imagine a water bottle bouncing around your bag- that’s the kind of space you’re using up. Be mindful of just how many books/ copy books/ textbooks you’ll be toting around and if it gets to be too much- get an actual tote!

5. A little clip on hand sanitizer never hurt anybody...also Kleenex I promise you’ll use it. (And if you don’t I’ll be there to borrow it lmao) ALLERGY SEASON BONUS ROUND: a small bottle of off brand artificial tears are great to stow in your glasses case for all those shitty October mornings where your eyes refuse to act like eyes and not the Sahara Desert 🐫 off brand artificial tears run for between 2-4$ at most Walmarts!

3) I’ve used my last 24 hours to get my shit together- but I have a horrible impending sense of doom! What should I do?

Ah anozzer day in bikini bottom, which means another day of crippling anxiety for 25% of adult Canadian students! (Wow that’s a lot of students!) Boy do I know how tough it is to be thrown back into the pressure cooker of life that we call school. Here are some tips from me to you that I hope help a little bit:

I believe in you! It’s not a tip, but I want you to know that I do. If you’re feeling unsure/ silly/ out of your element/ etc think about me wandering around just as confused as you are! And have a good laugh at my expense! Shoot me a DM, scroll around my nonesense blog- wow check me out I’m a real living person and I made this post for you- because why? I care about your well being! Sometimes it just helps to know that there’s somebody out there thinking about you and wishing for your safe return home at the end of the day~ for the start of your semester I’ll be that person. *smooch*

Arrive early! My therapist once told me that rolling out of bed five minutes before I have to be somewhere limits my chances of having a calm and meaningful experience where I’m going. I hate to admit it but she makes a good point. Wake up early and do something nice for you: have breakfast, just sit on your balcony and breathe some fresh air, pet your cat and gaze upon their stupid face. Take the time.

Arrive early BONUS TIP: get to where you’re going an hour early and just wander! Window shop, roam the building, learn where the fire exit is, sit outside on a bench and watch the students come in and out. The longer you chill at school the homier it’ll feel, and the more you feel at home somewhere the more you feel at ease. Strike up random convos with strangers if you’re feeling brave, or text an understanding friend to meet you there and roam alongside you.

Plan your day! Get an agenda if it’s in your means, or just scribble on some scrap paper. Make your grocery list, write your tasks of the day, your goals of the day, or even just a positive affirmation. Sometimes even when I know exactly what I’m doing that day, or have something trivial to do (like laundry) I’ll write down “do laundry” to feel like I have a clear path to follow.

Embrace your local accessibility Center and school councellor. Don’t live in fear of the resources your school provides. It seems scary/embarrassing/weird to have to have special accommodations to deal with your anxiety or depression but GIRL once you’re all set with the appropriate tools there’s truely nothing that can stop you. This was my experience anyway, but I strongly urge everybody I meet to take advantage of school services and wring them for all they’ve got. They’re there for you boo!

HOT TIP: feeling dizzy and overwhelmed on the bus? Look at the wall or something that isn’t moving. DONT LOOK OUT THE WINDOWS AS THIS MAKES DIZZINESS WORSE. Breathe in 2 beats and out 3 beats- this cuts your fight or flight. If you’re going to drink take small sips out of a straw or without moving your head. My GP gave me this advice and it’s saved my whole ass quite a few times.

Download free apps that are anti anxiety in the form of fun games. I’ve had positive results with Viridii (where you grow a little succulent garden) Tap Tap Fish (basically you’re a sentient coral that decorates the sea floor) and Polytap (you basically count the vertices of spinning polygons). A cursory google search will reveal more fun games for emergency anxiety relief! I also like to go on YouTube and search for positive affirmation anxiety videos, or storm/white noise/ ocean anti anxiety sounds the night before to get me in the right headspace to sleep!

So this has been your lightning round/ crash course for what to do the 24 hours before school! I hope you feel a little more prepared to take on the start of the semester!

A dios hoes!!

#selfhelp #help #tips #backtoschool #school #college #university #studentlife #student #lucifearo #me #mypost