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justanotherlifeff · 20 days

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Love is meaningless

[True form heian era Sukuna x reader. I may have taken many creative liberties with his backstory alongside certain spoilers so be warned!]

Love is meaningless, this was something Sukuna believed for most of his life. He can proclaim it precisely because he understands it. Being born a wretched curse by his foolish starving mother was not a start to life he had appreciated, but it was what it was. Fate was that he absorbed his twin for nourishment, fate was that he was born monstrous. One can only live with fate and become stronger, after all. Of course, he had to raise himself, of course he had to get stronger to survive. The golden age of Jujutsu meant many other cursed spirits, and of course, humans were no better. Weak people shouldn’t complain about their transgressions after all. That is simply how the world is built, to please the strong.

Yet, unexpected things happen, as it is part of life as well. Some people find it in their stupid, human, hearts to love a monster. And sometimes, something as meaningless as love creeps up in a monster’s heart too if they are weak enough. Sukuna wasn’t born the king of curses after all. It was a meaningless gesture that one might call kindness, something he believed that he didn’t deserve, that started it all. Just like his mother who birthed him, this foolish girl gave him an apple from her basket when he was starving. A foolish act of kindness from a human to a cursed being. He accepted nonetheless, as a starving man would, since this was before the days when he took whatever he wanted.

The days when he was weak enough to be considerate. For some reason, you kept coming back, with food every time, and for some reason, he didn’t leave the outskirts of that village after the first few encounters. He convinced himself that it was because your cooking was amazing, not because he wanted to see that smile on your face again, not because he was getting addicted to that kindness. Why would a human be kind to the likes of him after all? Surely, he was being delusional. However, weeks turned to months, and you wouldn’t stop visiting the small cave where he was living at, since no one would give him shelter or a job due to his monstrous features. Somehow you weren’t afraid of the four arms, the four eyes, the odd markings on his body. Somehow, you made conversation with him at one point as you watched him eagerly eat whatever food you brought him and somehow, he found himself replying. Hope was something that the weak shouldn’t have and yet, he found it in you, he made that mistake.

Looking at water in streams was something he hated, because it showed him his inhumanity and made the struggles he faced his entire life be something that was acceptable. Who would care for a monster after all? And yet, one day, you looked at him and called him beautiful with a blush on your pretty little face. He didn’t know how to reply to that, as someone who never encountered a situation like that before and yet, he couldn’t sleep all night, thinking of those words. He awkwardly called you beautiful too the next day.

Small compliments turned into teasing and at one point, neither you nor he had to say it out loud that you loved each other. It was simply something that happened. However, you had to keep it a secret from the village, and he understood why. Loving something like him had its consequences as they would kill you for being with a curse. He understood the consequences but his hunger for you was far too much to ignore. It started with kisses, and then he wanted more, so much more. And you let him take what he wanted with a smile on your face, that same smile he fell in love with. Even your old kimonos started looking like ones that queens would wear, your simple hairpin was better than the highest quality jade to him. You were beautiful and you were his and that was the best thing that happened in his wretched life at the time. Or at least, he was foolish and weak enough to believe so.

During his days as the king of curses, he saw the women he fucked as no more than pieces of meat that exist for his pleasure. One might think he wasn’t capable of being gentle, of having any other expression than the ruthless and deranged smile that adorns his face. Yet, his first time was so different, as he looked upon your beauty with nothing but wonder in his eyes, not believing his own luck as you were naked underneath him, that beautiful tint of red adorning your face. Perhaps that was when he found himself loving the color red so much, it was never about the blood of the thousands he killed later in life. You looked beautiful even with your old kimonos, but you looked divine without it, and he wasn’t shy enough to keep that opinion to himself, mostly because he wanted to see that blush on your face when he says it out loud. He wanted to hear you call out his name in that affectionate and yet pleasured voice when he was deep inside you. He wanted you, all of you, even if he didn’t deserve you.

The weak gets trampled on, it isn’t something they should complain about as it is the way of life. He almost had you, the day you came to him with a worried expression on your face and told him that you may be expecting his child. For a moment, he dreamed, despite being weak. He asked you to elope with him, that he would protect you. He knew that the child he sired would be cursed too, and that you were unmarried, so of course, overall, you would be killed if he left you alone. He loved you far too much to even consider that. “Come with me, Ill take you far from here and protect you. I’ll make sure nothing hurts you or our child. I’ll get stronger for you.” He told you with that gruff tone of his. To his surprise, you agreed. However, you were a kind little thing full of hope. You wanted to see your parents one last time before leaving with him forever. He didn’t understand it, but he wanted you to be happy, so he suggested making a binding vow. A part of him felt wary as all these felt too good to be true.

The vow was simple, it was to live as long as you can. He was still new to forming binding vows, so he forgot to acknowledge the fact that breaking the vow didn’t mean much if someone else killed you. Only that your death would be far more painful. Things were peaceful, too peaceful. He ate the food you cooked him, talked with you about a future together, looked at the sun set together. Like every day, you left him after that with a kiss on his cheek. Yet, he felt uneasy enough to sneak near the village that night after hearing the commotion.

It didn’t take long to find you, as you were right there, in the middle of the village square, or at least your severed head was. The blood splattered everywhere indicated the effects of the binding vow, your entire body exploded when your head was cut. Perhaps you were weak and ended up telling your parents, perhaps somehow, they found out that you were pregnant with his child, he would never know. That village burned that night and not a single person there survived. As he stood there, watching whatever was left of you burn with the village, it was almost as if he achieved enlightenment. The weak shouldn’t complain, so he wasn’t complaining. He would get stronger so that he would be the one taking, to fill the void that was created this day. His hunger was endless because he would never eat the food you cook again. Love is meaningless, because without you, this world lost its meaning.

#sukuna #sukuna ryomen #ryoumen sukuna #jjk sukuna #jujutsu kaisen sukuna #sukuna smut #sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #sukuna x y/n

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55sturn · 5 months

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ IN ANOTHER DIMENSION

↳ masterlist!

↳ summary: in which y/n and chris have been together for a while but the time for their relationship is coming to an end when they both realize that they were only projecting their feelings for other people onto one another.

↳ pairings: chris sturniolo × female!reader

↳ warnings: angst. angst. angst. ANGSTTTTT. wrong person, right time, swearing, no happy ending in sight, “i’m another life, i would be your girl.” coded.

THIRD PERSON POV

to the untrained eye, chris and y/n looked like another happy couple, watching the world in rose tinted glasses. but in reality, they were two heartbroken and lost people trying to navigate their unrequited love stories by convincing themselves they love each other.

chris had fallen in love with a girl, alyssa, back in boston when he was eighteen, but timing was never on his and her side, so he sought the comfort of other girls that resembled her.

and y/n was the closest to alyssa he had come across.

y/n had fallen in love with a guy in los angeles when she was seventeen, and they had been together for a couple years before josh had shut down the idea of them being together in the future.

so she began searching for him in every guy she met in passing, and she stumbled across chris at a party and the striking resemblance led her back to his house.

they knew from the very start that their relationship should’ve never gone on longer than that night. but they were so desperate for the comfort of the ones their hearts belonged to, that they kept seeking comfort from the people who were close enough to them.

y/n and chris were almost enough for each other, they so close to the ones they loved that they really could’ve fooled themselves if it weren’t for the small details that stuck out like warning signs.

chris really truly thought he could learn to fall in love with y/n, if only her hair was a few shades darker, her eyes were a shade lighter, and if her freckles were in the same place as alyssa’s.

and y/n really would’ve believed that she was in love with chris if he woke up a little earlier to go for a walk, if he drank his coffee with two sugars and a little creamer, and if his eyes were a darker blue.

they told themselves that they did love each other they just needed to stick around a little longer, to bring everything to light so they could have that big revelation, yet it wasn’t coming. the lies had become so natural that they had themselves fooled. they ignored people when they questioned the nature of what sparked their relationship, knowing it wasn’t healthy.

as much as they helped each other in one way or another, they knew they had to end it. they deserved better and they knew they needed to confront their true feelings. so they both silently vowed to end it.

so when chris approached y/n at a party they had attended separately, y/n knew that time had come. so as the two bid their respective friends goodbye, the two of them left side by side, solemnly making their way to the park down the road.

as they sat on the swings, they were both incredibly melancholic as they talked about their days.

“y/n, this isn’t healthy. you deserve someone who can actually love you, someone that can remember the way you take your coffee with four sugars because three isn’t enough and five is too much and two splashes of creamer, or the way you don’t go out of your way to listen to frank ocean because he makes you sad but ivy is the song you sing to calm yourself down. someone who finds those things endearing and doesn’t roll their eyes at it. someone who knows what you like and don’t like and that knowledge comes to them without hesitation.”

“chris-“

“i wanted to love you, i really thought i could learn to, and maybe it’s because you reminded me so much of her but you’re not like her. you’re your own person who is so incredibly interesting and kind and smart and i know for a fact that i would be head over heels in love with you in another life. in another dimension it would make sense for me to love you, but unfortunately, we’re in this dimension and this life, and my heart belongs to someone else.”

“in another life, i would be your girl, and you’d be my guy. in another world, i would’ve loved the way you get so passionate about music and fashion. i would love the way you scrunch your nose when you laugh, or the way you search for your brothers in a crowded room because they’re your safe space. in another life, i would’ve gone to the ends of the earth to make you happy, but you’re just someone to fill the void josh left behind. i think i’ll find my way back to him, so thank you for taking care of me and my heart in the meantime.”

“taking care of you in the meantime was my part of the deal, and i’m always gonna care about you, just not in the way i desperately wanted to.”

“i wish i could’ve fallen in love with you, we would’ve been something great.”

“yeah we would’ve y/n. we would’ve been much taller, much greater in another dimension, we would’ve had something epic, yknow?”

with a sad smile and a gentle nod, y/n rose from her swing, pressing a kiss to chris’ cheek before muttering a soft “yeah.” before walking away, silently wishing that things could’ve been different.

but they were always going to remember each other as their epic, heartbreakingly epic, “wrong person right time” love story. thankful they had each other to rely on for the time they knew each other, for how familiar they had gotten with each other’s heart before they had to part.

and maybe one day, they’d become something epic in this life.

↳ taglist: @dylsdunbar @soursturniolo @4sturns @sturnsclutter @spencerstits @meanttomeet @bluesturniolo333 @graciereid @abbie13sworld @ghostofbrock @l9vesick @mylifeisevenstranger @bethsturn @ifilwtmfc @verosivy

#Spotify #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo oneshot #chris sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #christopher sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo x you #christopher sturniolo imagine #christopher sturniolo oneshot #christopher sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo triplets x reader #sturniolo triplets imagine

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josiesullysblog · 1 year

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Don’t Leave Me. P2

~AGED UP Neteyam x Na’vi reader

~Angst, Fluff

~Proofread?-no

~Summary-[Y/n] grew up in a home with conditional love.

***

Neteyam was a protector. He knew his role at a very young age, it could be something small like a forest animal, or a young child in his clan he understood that if the time came he’d protect.

He took pride in being like his father, he loved protecting his family he wanted them to look for him if they were ever in danger. So, he believed he could justify why he saw red when he saw this mark on you.

Neteyam knew, that you were a sweet girl. You barely stepped out of line and most of the time kept to yourself. Whoever hurt you was going to learn, don’t fuck with Neteyam’s mate.

“I don't like repeating myself.”

You stood silently as Neteyam looked at your cheek, “it was no one,” you said trying to convince yourself more than him. He let a dry laugh, “[Y/n], I understand if you're scared whoever hit you is gonna hurt you again,” he paused.

He forced your eyes to look at him, “But I assure you whoever laid their hands on you will pay.”

Your breath hitched as the boy smiled. How could he smile yet make such threats, what would he do if he found out who it was? You stayed silent not knowing what to say, “[Y/n]!”

A voice called pulling your attention out appeared Kiri, “Your mother was calling for you,” your eyes widen as you thank her, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” you say to Neteyam as you try to leave, “[Y/n], if you won’t tell me I’ll find out.”

You knew he would, you were more scared of your mother than him so you chose silence. “Okay,” you say as you run off. This side of him gave you comfort in a way.

He cared about you, and he’s willing to figure out who hurt you. You smile softly as you see your mother, “yes,” you say softly.

She had never been violent towards you, but you knew she didn't like you. You didn't know why, maybe it's because you had grown up.

Many parents tend to want babies, yet become upset when the babies grow up. You were an only child for many reasons but the main one was, your parents didn't like each other.

They didn't even sleep in the same room so they certainly weren't going to mate.

“Why’d you run away,” she grabbed your ear, “Huh? Do you think this shit funny?” she dragged you as you yelled in pain, “Stop!” she flung you to the floor as your father came into the room, “what’s the meaning of this?”

You lifted your head to look at your mother, “I have never once done anything to deserve,” you sobbed as your father went to you, “honey-,” you cut him off, “GET AWAY FROM ME!”

Your emotions overwhelmed you, “the both of you are terrible people,” you stood up wiping your cheeks your sadness turning to anger.

“I wish I was just as naive as the people you put your act on for.”

Your mother grabbed you by the arm, “That's enough,” you yanked yourself away, “is it? You two act like I don't know, that I don't see that you both don't love each other.” Your mother stopped, “That's not true.”

“YES, IT IS!” you scream, “Honey,” your father tried to speak again, “No, it doesn't make sense. If you loved each other I wouldn't have caught that lady on Dad.”

You looked him in the eye, “Mom wouldn't have a new “special friend” over all the time,” tears fell down your cheeks, “and I’ve noticed this entire time, but I didn't say anything.”

You stopped as you notice tears in your mother's eyes, “I didn't say anything because I thought maybe one-day things would change.”

Your father put his head down, “and you hitting me today even though I did nothing proved something to me.” Your father's head shot up, “you hit her,” his voice raising, “I learned that you aren't staying together for me, you're doing it for them.”

“You aren't even his,” your mother’s voice was soft, “What?” your father steps in front of you, “don't listen.” your mother yanked at you, “YOU AREN’T EVEN HIS, [Y/n].”

You felt your heart in your stomach, “he was just some cover-up because your real dad is a piece of shit,” you sobbed, “tell me she's lying, DAD, TELL ME,” his head hung low, his hand reaching out for you, “I still love you.”

You ripped his hand away, “why do you hate me so much,” you faced your mother, “you ruined my life,” she said smiling, “It's only fair you feel how I’ve felt since the day you’ve been born.”

“Your father left me BECAUSE OF YOU,” your mother said, “he said no one could love me since my body was ruined.” she looked at you as if you were trash, “what woman has a child and no mate? So, this piece of crap agreed to play along.”

You looked at your “father” He looked away, “We had an agreement we would do whatever we want but the minute we leave this house, we were mated.” she smiled, “Guess you're not a dumbass after all.”

You looked at your hands, “fuck you, Mom,” you turned to leave wiping the tears that fell.

You sat on a tree contemplating. Everything you've ever known has been torn into shreds, and tears puddles in your eyes. How could you move on after this?

The man who you thought was your father turned out to be a hoax your mother put on. You sobbed as you thought more about it, and the only question you had was why.

Why did this have to happen to you? Why did your “parents” not love each other? Why did your mother lie about your father? I mean even if he was a piece of shit you still deserved to know who your real father is.

“[Y/n],” a voice calls for you. You knew who it was, the boy who has been stuck in your mind for as long as you can remember, “yes,” you said as he sat down next to you. His hand grabbed yours he sat in silence not saying anything.

Neteyam said he was going to find out who hit you, and he did. “I know who did it,” he said finally breaking the silence. Your eyes widen, “teyem, she didn't mean to,” you don't know why you tried defending her.

She didn't deserve that from you.

“Didn't mean to my ass,” he made you look at him, “You know I love you,” you nodded slowly, “so, you know that I'd do anything to protect you, even from your own parents.”

You looked away, “I just don't get it,” You finally broke down in front of the boy, “I don't know why they are like this,” the boy wrapped his arms around you, “You deserve better [Y/n], I can give you everything you ever dreamed of and more.”

You believed him. You knew he could but your mind stopped you. How did you know he wasn't going to leave you? How do you know that even after you have his child he won't leave? Every bad possible situation to ever happen your mind thought about.

“My parents,” you paused your mind was mushy, “they didn't love each other. They put on this front but I knew they didn't love each other.” you let the truth slip your mouth, “How will I know you’ll love me?” The question came from a place of insecurity and for most, those types of questions were annoying.

But you needed to know. You wanted the reassurance that he wanted you, not because you could give him children. Not because you could cook, clean, or whatever because anybody could do those things. You wanted him to want you for you, and not the things you could do for him.

“I’ve always loved you,” Neteyam kisses your hand, “from the moment we met, till right now my heart has always been yours.” he smiled at you as he saw that blush appear on your cheeks.

“I can never take someone else as long as I live because I’ll always be searching for you in them,” tears puddled in your eyes, “I don't care how long it takes, I’ll wait for you. If you have problems tell me I want to help, I need you to know that i’m right here,” he put his forehead on yours, “I’ll protect you, I’d do anything even kill if it meant I could see you one last time, [Y/n].”

You connected your lips with him, and he grabbed you pulling you into his lap. You grabbed onto his hair deepening the kiss till you both are forced to let go for air. “I love you, Neteyam.”

He smiled big, “You won’t have to worry about your parents, love” You gave a bittersweet smile maybe leaving them was for the best, “Okay, oh dear you have blood on your chest!” the boy simply wiped it away, “I was helping my mother cook!” you nodded before you two started cuddling, “I meant every word I said, I’ll protect you.” you smiled, “I know.”

After you had left, Kiri tried speaking with Neteyam but it was like the boy was gone. He was there but someone else took over his body. Neteyam knew your schedule, who you hung out with, and what you did so for you to have a mark it would need to come from someone close to you.

“Kiri, did you hang out with [Y/n] today?” the girl shook her head, “No, I haven't she was with her family most of the day.” Neteyam nodded before walking off, had only Kiri known what was going to happen next she wouldn't have said that.

He became your shadow, watching as your mother dragged you. His teeth gritted against each other, it was taking a lot from him not to go and kill your mother.

He wanted you to think he was a good boy, who followed the rules and was always nice. He didn't need you to know that he had bad thoughts. Thoughts of killing everybody that came into contact with you, and keeping you locked away from everything.

You’d become dependent on him, your eyes would look for him, and you’d be on your knees for him. He stood outside the makeshift door as he heard you fight with your parents.

“You aren't even his!” Neteyam’s heart broke for you. Finding out the man who raised you isn't your father? That's a lot to deal with, thankfully Neteyam was there to help you.

He heard you cry and all he needed was for you to leave. “Fuck you, Mom,” you said before running out. Neteyam's smile widen as he creeped out heading into the room, “hello,” he said as your mother looked at him, “Neteyam! What brings you here?” what heartless person yells at their child then turns around and smiles?

I mean he has no room to talk, “I heard a little arguing everything alright?” your father nodded, “Just a little family disagreement,” the man went to place a hand on the boy but Neteyam grabbed it quickly, “It didn't sound like that to me.”

“Thats one good grip you have boy,” he tried getting his hand back but Neteyam's grip became harder, “I know what you said to her,” his anger flipping to your mother, “and I think it's just so cruel to keep such a huge secret from your daughter.”

“Good thing she’s coming with me,” he moved quickly taking a knife out and cutting your father's neck, not to kill him just a warning. Your father fell to the floor as your mother backed up.

“Scared now?” he grabbed her and covered her mouth before she could scream, “i’m going to tell you how this is going to work from here on out, or,” he brought his knife to the woman’s neck, “you're not going to like it.”

“You are going to stay away from [Y/n],” he kicked your father who was writhing on the floor, “i’m going to mate with her, and you two will of course give us your blessings or I will kill you two.”

Your mother cried under the boy's tight grip, “You weren't so sad after causing my girl harm,” he cut her high before letting her fall, “tell anyone this was me and I’ll have you wiped from this planet.”

He put his knife back and walked out, “Thank you for the blessings, Mom and Dad.”

***

HEYYY GUYSSS!!! so sorry it took longer to finish this I have so much school work thank God school is almost over!! Hope you enjoy it!!”

Taglist: @cherry-blossom24 , @yourbobaeyestell, @erenjaegerwife, @mashiromochi, @nxptury, @eywaheardyou, @vviolaswrld, @stevesdick , @nana-luvsyu, @liyahsocorro , @coterami, @parrotpeggy, @adaiasafira, @elegantzippercashshoe, @lollife1617, @aracelikara, @bluealiensimp, @hoodiepandaninja16, @ssc7514, @white-girl444, @idaxellqs, @nataliexoxoxo29

#avatar way of water #neteyam #avatar loak #jake sully #avatar #neteyam x y/n #avatar tuk #avatar neytiri #neytiri #neteyam smut #protective neteyam #neteyam x na'vi!reader #neteyam x you #avatar neteyam #neteyam sully #neteyam x oc #neteyam x omaticaya!reader

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adidastain · 5 months

Text

motion and momentum

college matt stone x fem reader (y/n)

warnings: smut (vaginal penetration, fingering, handjobs), body worship (ish?)

notes: first person perspective (I, me, my, etc.), small disclaimer: the physics in this are based off of what i remember (i did not pay attention in that class at all) so bear with me i had to do some extra research

word count: 6921

—

I could have finished these notes nine hours ago. I could have finished studying for this stupid test (which I was going to redo) nine hours ago. But I wasn’t. All ‘cause I couldn’t keep my eyes off of my tutor the entire time he read from the textbook.

It was nearing December, so my physics professor kept giving us these little practice tests in order to prepare for the final exam. I guess all the studying that we had to do would help us in the end, but it fucking sucked. Now that the weather was changing, the Sun set earlier and earlier. The large library that Matt and I usually studied in had large glass windows that let in plenty of golden light in the late afternoon nowadays. It was nice. The only problem was that it had become an enormous distraction from the tutoring and had caused me to pay more than enough attention to my tutor himself.

Now I was stuck in my dorm, damning myself for not paying attention beforehand. The stress of not being prepared for the test was keeping me from falling asleep, though I probably deserved it since it was my fault and my fault alone. It was way past curfew, meaning all major doors to get into the building were locked for the night. It was also storming heavily outside, and there had already been a number of times where the lights flickered on and off.

There was absolutely nothing I hated more than physics, except thunderstorms.

I thought about calling Matt and asking him to come over. He was in the same building as me; I remember that from that one time we studied together in his dorm on the weekend. That was yet another situation where I was desperate for his help at an outrageous time, but that was before I started crushing on him. Before I realized it, at least.

I did want to study; I needed to. But I also didn’t want to be alone. I wasn’t going to tell him that I was scared of the storm and the dark. He didn’t need to know that. So I called him.

“Hello?” a voice answered, deep and exasperated.

“Matt? It’s Y/N,” I said softly.

“I know,” He said. I could hear the grin in his voice. “You alright?”

“I’m fine,” I said. I stood up and started pacing around my room in slow steps. I felt nervous for some reason. “Just, um, stuck on some of these equations for motion.”

I heard Matt laugh slightly over the other line. “You’re studying?” he teased.

“I need your help,” I whined. I started to worry that he was going to turn me down. I’d had a pretty good feeling up until then.

“I can imagine,” He laughed. I felt my cheeks turn red.

“It’s not funny, Matt. I feel stupid,” I said. I rubbed my temples, staring at my feet on the floor.

“Alright, alright. You’re not stupid. Tell me what’s up,” he said, grunting slightly as I assumed he was getting out of bed.

“Can you come over?” I asked meekly, my voice lowering. I bit my lip and stared into space, waiting anxiously for his answer.

After a long pause, I heard him sigh and mumble something that the phone didn’t quite pick up. “I guess,” he said. “It’s kinda late.”

“I’m only downstairs,” I smiled, hoping to convince him. My floor was all girls, and the floor above, where his dorm was, was all boys. “I have snacks.”

I heard another soft sigh, before he obliged. “Okay. But if you don’t pay attention, I’m leaving,” He said. The sound of rustling came through the other line, making me assume that he was packing up his stuff. I loved the way his stern tone made me feel sometimes.

I bit back a grin. “Okay,” I said. “Make sure you bring your textbook.”

The dial tone rang in my ears before I could say “See you,” or anything like that. I felt kinda bad; maybe he was annoyed with me. He had every reason to be. I knew he’d help a few other underclassmen study sometimes too and there was no doubt that I was his most difficult pupil.

Pretty soon, Matt was at my door in a baggy gray T-shirt and some dark blue basketball shorts. Something about the way the fabric hung off his chest and shoulders was so easy on the eyes.

He had his bag with him and he set it down on the floor next to where I was sitting. He huffed as he lowered himself onto the shaggy rug, trying not to let himself crash into the ground. Matt’s eyes scanned me up and down, taking a moment to linger on my legs. I had a pair of short shorts on, so the entirety of both my legs were pretty much exposed for his viewing leisure.

Matt cleared his throat and sighed, pulling his textbook out from his bag. He came in, no “hi,” “hey,” nothing.

“Sorry for waking you up,” I said, setting my notebook in my lap with my legs crossed. My hair sat on my shoulders, still damp from the shower I took an hour earlier. Thinking about it, this was the first time he’d seen my hair down.

Matt looked at me, smiling slightly. I still worried that he was irritated with me, despite his calm, content manner. He looked tired. His short, curly hair was messy and his eyes looked a little puffy.

“It’s fine,” He said. “I wasn’t really sleeping anyway.”

His dainty fingers flipped through the textbook to land on a page with a bunch of different equations for calculated different parts of motion like speed, distance, and acceleration. Matt set the textbook down in front of us and scooted a little closer to me, taking a deep breath in before speaking.

“Are you still having a hard time with the variables?” He asked me, looking into my eyes. He often made eye contact when asking me questions when we studied, but now it felt so much more intense than it usually did. He had a stone cold expression on his face that made me feel small and intimidated.

“Yeah,” I squeaked. I’m struggling with the whole fucking thing.

Matt leaned closer, taking my notebook and turning it towards him. Our shoulders brushed together and our faces were closer than ever before. To keep myself from having a heart attack, I moved so that I was leaning back against the side of my bed, staying a good foot or two away from him.

He took a moment to scan over the work that I already attempted to do based on the practice equations he’d given me earlier in the day. “You have the right idea, you just- Do you have a calculator?” he asked, looking at the drawers behind him.

I nodded, standing up to reach inside my bag on my bed. His fingers brushed mine as I handed him the chunky silver calculator. I swear to this day, I caught his eyes on me for a split second before I turned back around. I totally didn’t turn my back to him on purpose, definitely not. I definitely didn’t mean to put my ass in his face.

“Show me how you put it in the calculator. I think that’s where you might be getting confused,” He told me, leaning close to me again.

“It’s, um…” I mumbled. My hands trembled slightly as I pressed the buttons on the calculator, trying to avoid Matt’s punishing gaze. I felt extremely embarrassed. That is why I hated studying. “Initial velocity times the, um, time.”

“Mhm,” he hummed. I looked up at him, seeing his focused, patient expression as he looked at the calculator, then in my eyes. He smiled slightly, nodding as if to say “Keep going.”

“And then you add the acceleration times time and-”

“You forgot something,” he told me, raising his eyebrows. It felt awfully like he was teasing me somewhat. I had absolutely no fucking idea what he was talking about.

Matt leaned forward and used the tip of his pinky finger to point to a spot in his textbook that showed the equation. There was a ½ that I was supposed to multiply the acceleration by that I completely forgot about.

“Oh, yeah,” I laughed, still fucking humiliated. Matt made me feel so stupid. Not on purpose; he never said anything that made me feel stupid unless he was frustrated, which was rare and even then it wasn’t on purpose. It was just the fact that he was majoring in mathematics, so I knew he was pretty damn smart and could probably spend the time he spent on me doing something else. Something more worthwhile.

I was grateful, obviously. For a number of reasons. Help was better than no help, and to be honest, he was nice to look at. He was pretty handsome in the face and he had a great smile with a little gap between his front teeth, with soft, reddish-brown curls of hair. His eyes were gorgeous; he had those grayish-greenish-blueish eyes that looked more blue on some days and more green than others. He also had muscular arms and dainty, elegant hands that looked strong at the same time. He was completely dorky, but it was quite endearing and kinda adorable sometimes.

I found myself completely distracted from the lecture he was giving me, my eyes lingering on his face and neck as he spoke. I noticed a dark freckle just below his jaw, and another one right behind his ear.

“You’re not paying attention at all, are you?” Matt asked me, sighing deeply. I am now.

“I am,” I said. “You’re very captivating.”

That seemed to catch him off guard. He looked down at his lap, rubbing the back of his neck. I thought I could see him blushing slightly.

I crossed my arms, pulling my knees up towards my chest. I lifted my leg to nudge his arm with my toe. “You’re blushing,” I said, biting my lip.

“It’s hot in here,” He said, lifting his head up. He didn’t look at me, pulling his textbook back into his lap.

“I want you to try to do these three problems at the bottom,” he told me, pointing to the bottom of the page. I nodded, taking the textbook from him and setting it next to me, my notebook in my lap. “If you get stuck, let me know.”

I watched Matt pull his own notebook out of his backpack, beginning to doodle something onto the page while he waited for me to complete the problems. I slowly copied the variables down along with the equations, stalling so that I had a little more time to stare at him. He’d bite his lip or his tongue occasionally while he worked, furrowing his eyebrows when he’d think about something on a deeper level. I peeked over my kneecaps to see what he was working on, seeing just a bunch of words and diagrams all over the page that probably worked for him organizationally. Unfortunately, when I went back to looking at my own notebook (once again, staring at him), his eyes were on me and he looked disappointed.

“If you’re not gonna study, I’m gonna go back to my dorm,” he warned, smiling to soften his demeanor. “Do you need help with something?”

“Yeah,” I said, scooting closer to him. I perched up right next to him, shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee. Matt stared at me, confused, but quickly moved on to seeing what I’d done so far.

I tilted my head up to look at him, giving him wide eyes with a soft gaze to hopefully show him that I wasn’t being difficult on purpose. I also thought that maybe the doe eyes would convince him to let up a little and take it easy on me.

He sighed heavily, listening to me explain how I wasn’t sure what exactly to do after plugging the equation into the calculator and whatnot. They were two-step problems, so the variables moved around. Maybe I really was an idiot. Explaining the trouble I was having really just made me sound dumber and dumber.

Matt didn’t look at me once while I spoke to him. He swallowed harshly a number of times, keeping his eyes fixed on my paper as he listened. Then he started explaining the steps, looking at me once in a while, while I didn’t look down at the paper a single time.

He looked at me again, keeping his eyes locked with mine this time. I felt my stomach flutter as he bored holes into me. Matt sighed heavily through his nose, glancing down at my lips before turning his head away and rolling his eyes.

“I guess I should go,” he huffed, closing the textbook and shoving it back into his back. I snapped out of my trance and panicked, grabbing ahold of his bicep. His skin was warm and I felt the muscle flex at my touch.

“Wait, Matt,” I said, sitting up. He was already standing, my hand sliding down his arm to gently grasp his wrist. “Please stay. Please.”

I swallowed harshly, staring up at him through my lashes. I let go of his wrist and rested my hands in my lap. Matt exhaled, smiling softly as he sat back down and shook his head.

“What do you want?” he asked gently. “Did you really ask me to come over to study? ‘Cause it really seems like you don’t want my help.”

“I do,” I said. “I just… I like having you around.”

Matt bit the inside of his cheek, rubbing his forehead.

“You were in my dream last night,” I continued, pulling my knees to my chest and backing away from him. His head snapped up to look at me, his eyebrows furrowed. “It was… weird. I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

“What happened?” he asked, tilting his head and resting it in his palm.

What had happened was that we had sex in a bathtub, from what I remember. I never usually had dreams like that, but when I did, it was typically only about someone I was severely attracted to. Like Matt.

“I don’t really remember,” I lied. “It was just weird.”

“Hmm. Must have been pretty crazy if it’s been on your mind all day,” he said, raising his eyebrows. Matt looked at me, waiting for my response. I didn’t say anything; I had no idea what to say. He pretty much had me backed into a corner.

He was right. All day, all the time I spent with him, I was just imagining what he would be like in bed. I figured he knew a lot of people, and he was severely attractive, so I couldn’t imagine him having any trouble finding a hookup every so often. I wondered if he’d been in any situations with the other underclassmen that he tutored, like the one he was in with me. Were there other peers of his that were falling behind because of their infatuation too? Or was it actually just me, and this was all uncharted territory for him?

I wondered if he even knew the effect he had on me. I tried not to make it obvious, but based on the fact that I never paid attention to his lecture and rather focused on the way his mouth and throat moved when he spoke and the way his eyes glistened in the light of golden hour, there was no way he couldn’t tell.

My train of thought was cut off when Matt leaned forward, softly caressing my chin with one large hand. I gasped slightly, flinching at the contact. He leaned in close and traced my bottom lip with his thumb, looking deeply into my eyes with dilated pupils. I choked; there was no way he was going to get any words out of me at that moment.

“If you can focus and stick with me to get through this one chapter,” He started, his voice reduced to a deep purr that sent shivers down my spine. “I will stay the night. Okay?”

I nodded, completely willing to obey him and do literally whatever he said. Matt grinned, glancing down at my lips for a brief moment. “Good girl,” he purred. He removed his hand from my jaw, pushing my hair away from my face. He leaned back, dodging me as I leaned forward in an attempt to connect our lips. “Get your notebook.”

My head was spinning and my cheeks turned red. I had to snap out of it if I was going to finish this unit or even get close to crossing the threshold with Matt. I was way more concerned about the latter. He had me wrapped around his finger.

Matt watched me scramble to get my things together, a content smile on his face. I took a deep breath and laughed, trying to compose myself. He giggled softly, which didn’t help me at all. I’m glad you think this is funny.

With some trouble, I managed to overall stay on task and focused for about an hour until we finished the chapter. Matt caught me zoned out a few times, but he kept giving me second chance after second chance, gently trying to steer me back in the right direction. He kept telling me that I was getting there and that I wasn’t stupid and that physics would not be the death of me.

“It’s a one-semester class. It’s almost over,” He told me, before rubbing my shoulder and then proceeding to read from his textbook.

Once we were done, I got up to use the dorm restroom so I could brush my teeth and wash my face. I was mentally exhausted and it was almost 2 AM at that point. I had completely forgotten Matt’s promise, so when I stepped back into my dorm room and saw him getting situated on the floor, I was a little confused. I remembered just as I closed the door behind me and locked it for the night.

“So tell me about your dream last night,” He said, not wasting any time. I sat on the edge of my bed, throwing one of my extra pillows at him as he laid a blanket that he brought down on the floor. So he planned to stay the night. I wondered whether he was actually going to leave when he said he would, or if he just said that to make me beg him to stay.

“Oh, y’know, just…” I mumbled, reluctant to share what I remembered of it. “It was weird.”

“Well, I already know that,” He laughed. “Tell me more.”

I looked him in the eyes, feeling my body start to burn up. “There was a bathtub involved. I remember that much,” I told him, sighing softly.

Matt’s eyes shot wide open, a devilish smirk creeping up his face. He looked me up and down, his gaze softening as he did so, before shying away and looking down at his feet.

“That does sound crazy,” he said, exhaling.

“Mhm,” I hummed, looking at the ceiling.

“Mind if I sit?” he asked, gesturing to the space next to me on my bed. It was then that I became so grateful for the fact that I had my own dorm all to myself. I nodded, scooting over for seemingly no reason as Matt plopped himself right next to me, elbow brushing mine. “Do you remember anything else?”

I shook my head, staring at my wall. I looked at him, seeing if he had anything else to say. Part of me wanted him to be able to tell that I was lying and there was in fact much more to my dream than I was letting up.

“C’mon, you can tell me,” he egged, grinning softly. He nudged me with his elbow. “Are you embarrassed?”

“I just don’t remember,” I stated, shrugging. I pushed his shoulder in response to him pushing me.

“Well, if it’s the kind of dream I’m thinking of…” he started, purring again. “By all means, don’t be embarrassed.”

I rolled my eyes and pushed him again. “Gross,” I mumbled, full of shit. I regretted saying that. I didn’t want him to back off, but I didn’t know what else to say and he was making me nervous. I squirmed next to him and pulled my shorts down slightly.

“You’re blushing~” he teased me.

“Shut up,” I said. I bit my lip, taking a deep breath and turning my head towards him so he could see that, yes, I was in fact blushing. Heavily.

Matt grabbed my chin again, tilting my head up. I leaned in, but he held my face in place, preventing me from getting any closer to him. Let me kiss you, asshole.

“How do you find acceleration?” he asked softly. I rested my hand on his knee, slowly sliding it up under his shorts.

“You… multiply the change in velocity by the change in time,” I said quietly, peering up into his eyes.

“Good girl,” he grinned, leaning forward to press his lips against mine.

Matt’s hand moved to caress the side of my neck, pushing my hair back and pulling me closer. His lips were so warm, moving slowly with mine as they fit together perfectly. I squirmed a little bit, moving my hand without really knowing where I was gonna put it. My fingertips brushed his jaw and I felt him smile into the kiss.

“You’re so timid,” he stated. His large hand moved down to my hip, gripping it slightly and pulling me towards him. Without another thought, I climbed into his lap, placing my hands on either side of his neck and quickly kissing him again.

Matt introduced his tongue into the mix as he pulled my hips closer, pressing them against his hard-on. He groaned into the kiss, his mouth hanging open for a moment while my tongue slid against his. I ran my fingers through his short, curly hair, before sliding my hands down to lay flat on his chest, pulling my lips away from his.

I was hungry for him. Starving, even. I pushed his chest, making him lay down underneath me as I leaned forward and started kissing his neck, specifically the freckle under his ear. Matt groaned again, sliding his hands up my thighs and around my hips. He lightly squeezed the flesh of my ass, his fingertips slipping underneath the hem of my booty shorts so he could trace circles into my skin. Meanwhile, I was busy kissing, nibbling, and sucking on his neck, listening to each strangled breath he held in as I left little marks on his skin.

My own hands explored his body, caressing his small waist overtop his T-shirt. It smelled like fresh laundry and it looked good on him, but I knew it would look better on the floor. I adjusted my hips so that I could reach under the hem of his shirt, lifting it up as my hands slid up his warm body, feeling each of his muscles tense up and flex at my touch.

I pulled my lips away from his neck and sat up, looking at him as I pulled his shirt over his head. His face was bright red and his neck was covered in light bruises, his lips hanging slightly agape as he stared at me, breathing heavily. I tossed the shirt on the floor, letting my eyes trail down his body.

“Fuck,” I whispered. He looked absolutely divine underneath me. He was skinny, but he certainly had some muscle in his arms and chest and even a little bit in his abdomen. Matt’s waist was curvy, his hips protruding outward and up, giving him an almost feminine figure. He had a small patch of hair on his chest and a thicker one trailing from his belly button down below his pants. Everything about his body was perfect. I felt myself almost drooling at the sight.

“You have a staring problem,” he stated, grinning. His hands ran up and down my thighs, gently squeezing them. I blinked, looking at his face. I swallowed harshly and leaned forward to place kisses up his throat, his head tilting as far back as it could to give me more room.

“I just like to look at nice things,” I hummed, gently pinching his skin between my teeth. The area was more sensitive due to how thin the skin there was, his Adam’s apple just underneath my lips. He whimpered softly, hands traveling up my waist underneath my shirt.

My own hands lingered just above his hips, caressing his body as I started to drag my lips and tongue down his neck, over his collarbone, and then his chest. We were sideways on my bed, and if I kissed any lower, I’d have had to get on the floor.

He ran one of his hands through my hair, groaning as I started sucking another bruise into his chest, right below his sternum. “Oh, fuck me…” he purred. I looked up, seeing his head thrown back and all the pretty dark red and purple spots I put on his neck. I giggled into his skin, causing him to laugh as well.

I sat up, rubbing my thumb over the fresh bruise I put on his body while adjusting my hips so that I sat directly on his bulge, which was pressing hard against me. I shivered, spreading my legs a little more until a sharp pain shot up the inside of my thigh.

“Ah, fuck!” I hissed, my body collapsing slightly as I tried not to move my leg any further. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, ow…”

“What’s wrong?” Matt asked, sitting up. He wrapped his arms around my waist, one of his hands gently resting on my leg.

“I pulled a muscle,” I whined, screwing my eyes shut. Matt laughed slightly, shaking his head.

“Jesus,” he mumbled. “Here, lay down.”

He lifted my hips, placing one of my pillows under my ass and tenderly moving my legs so that they were laying straight and not spread. He hovered over me, kissing and massaging my thighs while I tried to let my body relax into my bed. “This leg?” he asked, rubbing circles into my left thigh. I nodded, sitting up slightly so I could move my hair to a more comfortable spot. Not that it really mattered; it was gonna get messed up in about ten minutes anyway.

Matt placed a soft, wet kiss into the skin of my compromised leg, looking up at me through his lashes. I could feel the cold metal of his glasses press into my skin, poking me slightly. I reached down to run my fingers through his curls, pulling them lightly.

“Do you wanna keep going?” he asked me. I nodded frantically.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, laughing softly. “Not the worst thing that’s happened to me during sex.”

He giggled, pressing a few more soft kisses into my thigh before climbing on top of me and straddling my hips.

“I really liked that,” he exhaled, pushing my hair out of my face.

“Liked what?” I asked, my hands resting on his warm, freckled shoulders.

“You kissing all over my body. It was hot,” he grinned. He was such a dork.

Matt gently grabbed my hand, placing it right between his legs onto his bulge. The material of his shorts was slippery, allowing me to rub and squeeze him through the fabric. He felt warm. Warm, hard, and big.

He exhaled, immediately leaning in to kiss me as I caressed him, playing with both his dick and his balls in one hand. He let out a moan, his hips subtly rolling into my hand as he tried to get more friction out of the contact. I squeezed him harder, causing his hips to buck forward.

“Fuck, so good…” he mumbled, laughing slightly.

I let go of him, sitting up for a moment to pull my tank top over my head, leaving my torso completely exposed.

I brought one of his hands to palm my breast (which was almost half the size of his entire hand), and I looked him in the eyes. “Put your knee between my legs. Like, push against me,” I told him. He obliged, applying a good amount of pressure to my core while my hand returned to his crotch. My other hand pulled him back down into a kiss, opening my mouth for his tongue to slide in.

It took him a moment to figure out what to do, but after a few seconds, both he and I were coming undone. I’d reached inside his shorts and boxers to caress his cock, running my thumb along the base gently and squeezing it at the same time. Meanwhile, he alternated between both of my boobs, spending a few seconds on one, massaging it and pinching my nipple, before switching to the other.

Suddenly, he pulled away, his eyelids hanging low with hunger in his eyes. “Can I touch you?” he asked, caressing my waist.

“Please,” I giggled, panting. Matt smiled and brought his hand down to rub over my shorts. I still held him gently, watching his hand manage to pull my shorts off by itself.

Two of his fingers dipped between my legs, prodding the outside of my underwear and likely finding nothing but wetness.

“Oh, you must want me so bad,” he teased me, biting his lip.

“Mmm, I guess,” I teased him back. He rolled his eyes, pushing my underwear to the side so he could run his fingertips between my lips, collecting my slick and rubbing circles into me.

I sighed, closing my eyes and squirming slightly. I thought about how hot it would be for him and I to have sex in the library. That was becoming an increasingly likely possibility as each second passed by.

“Does that feel good?” He asked. I suppose I’d gone quiet for a moment.

“Mhm,” I nodded, grabbing his hand so I could guide it to a better spot. Matt leaned down and over me, his face inches from mine as he watched where my hand was taking his.

“You can put your fingers in,” I told him, whispering. I looked up at him, waiting for him to heed my instructions. It wasn’t long before I felt him push into me, lightly moving in and out inch by inch, deeper and deeper with each thrust.

He started to kiss my neck, softly and slowly to match the pace of his fingers. He nipped at a spot just below my jaw, making me hum slightly in bliss and he licked and sucked on the skin.

He started moving faster, pushing deeper and curling his fingers inside of me to brush against that infamous spot over and over again. “Matt-“ I moaned out, choking slightly as I held my breath.

Matt chuckled softly, pushing his fingers deeper. “I’m right here,” he purred, leaving a wet kiss on my jaw.

“Please fuck me, Matt. I-I want you,” I groaned. He was working magic with his fingers, but I was more interested in what he could do with his dick. I was starting to get desperate.

Suddenly, he removed his fingers, wrapping his lips around them and sucking them clean. He looked kind of silly doing it, but his lips were now covered in my slick and he hummed in pleasure as he swallowed it.

He rubbed my thighs as he pushed himself off the bed, quickly standing up to reach into his back for God knows what. I shimmied out of my underwear, sitting up with my knees together as I watched him pull something shiny out of the front pocket.

“I didn’t realize you came so prepared,” I teased him, crossing my arms over my knees. First the blanket, now a condom. He didn’t even ask me first if I had one in my room (I didn’t).

“Rather be safe than sorry,” Matt shrugged, sitting on his knees in front of me as he grinned and pulled his shorts off. He wasn’t wearing any boxers underneath either.

“And no underwear? Matthew!” I gasped, whacking his arm. I watched as he took himself in his hand, stroking lightly. I moved his hand away and caressed his warmth, moving my hand up and down slowly while pressing into it with my thumb. Matt moaned softly with his mouth closed, bottom lip trapped under his teeth as he rested his forehead against mine.

I pecked his lips, making him look at me as I carefully removed his glasses with my free hand. His eyes had to cross slightly due to how close my face was to his. I giggled, letting go of his cock and setting his glasses down on my nightstand.

I laid down, pulling him close by his neck and into a kiss. The kiss was soft, like the first one we shared. Just passionate and gentle, taking care of each other. It finally hit me that this was really happening. My dream was becoming a reality. Minus the bathtub.

“You okay?” He asked me, his eyes darting nervously around my face. I nodded, kissing him again, harder this time.

I felt his tip brush against my inner thigh, smearing warm precum on my skin. My body tensed up as I gasped into the kiss, pulling away to look down at our hips, inches away from each other.

“Hold on,” Matt grunted, sitting up. His head turned every which way, searching for the unopened condom that he’d prepared and somehow lost. The bed shifted slightly as he leaned over the edge to pick it up off of the floor, tearing it open with his teeth like an animal.

It was hot.

My eyes trailed down his body again, admiring the way his skin wrapped around his muscles while his chest moved at each breath he drew in. His lips hung agape as he slid the condom on, his movements hasty but careful.

I lifted my body up, sitting on my knees in front of him and matching his height. My hands slid onto his waist, caressing his body once again as I kissed him before he could ask any questions.

He stopped, taking in the kiss. His hand gently wrapped around my throat, before grabbing my whole face and pushing me away.

“Quit making me feel girly,” he said, his face red and flushed.

I ran my hands up and down his body, making him shiver. “You like it,” I teased him. I placed my hands flat on each of his pec muscles and squeezed them like they were a pair of tits. Matt rolled his eyes, taking my hands in his.

My body fell backward, crashing into the bed. Matt pinned my hands over my head, looking me dead in the eyes. “You ready?” he asked quietly, stroking my wrist with his thumb.

I nodded.

“Good,” he smiled, giving me a sweet peck on the lips. He let go of my hands and instead grabbed my hips, shifting his body so that his tip was lined up with my entrance. Matt looked at me one more time for approval, seeing me bite my lip and nod.

It hurt way more than I thought it would. I’d noted the fact that he was big when I held him in his shorts and laid eyes on him a few minutes before, but wow. I took a deep breath, gripping the sheet underneath me as he pushed in slowly at first, then rammed in the rest of his length once he got the tip in. Immediately he sent a shockwave of pleasure through my body, the bed shifting slightly from the momentum he created until he bottomed out.

He stretched me out a bit, but God, did it feel like Heaven. “I’m okay,” I laughed, out of breath. Matt smiled at me before laying down on top of me, wrapping my legs around his waist. He didn’t waste much time before beginning to move in and out, already starting to fall apart himself.

“You feel so good,” he exhaled, his hips shuddering slightly with each thrust. His words made me feel hot; my face burned up and my stomach felt warm from both my reaction and the friction between our bodies as his skin rubbed against mine.

I knew that I wasn’t gonna be the best sex he's ever had; there was no way. I’m sure he’d taken multiple peoples’ virginities at this point and there was no way I could compare to that.

“Would you believe me if I told you this was my first time?” Matt grunted, sending a pointed thrust into me. I looked at him, somewhat horrified.

“No,” I answered. “Is it?”

“No,” he grinned, shaking his head. “I’m just messing with you. You got all quiet.”

I hummed, looking at the ceiling. His smile quickly faded and he caressed my cheek, hovering over me.

“Do you want to stop?” he asked, his tone sad, but empathetic. I shook my head.

“Go faster,” I said, taking a deep breath. I pulled his face down, his lips crashing into mine. A smothered moan escaped his throat as I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling his hips in by squeezing my legs around his waist. Matt reached one hand behind my head, grabbing a fistful of my hair as he started to thrust into me, each movement faster than the other.

His free hand moved to start massaging my breast, matching the pace of his thrusts as he squeezed and pinched.

“Hmmn- fuck…” he whimpered. Matt’s voice had gained a higher pitch as he moved faster. “Fuck, I think I’m close…”

“Rub my clit,” I told him, removing his hand from my chest. “Fuck me harder.”

Matt huffed, propping himself up so he could see what his hands were doing. One remained behind my head, while the other traced down my body, stopping at my hips. He spread his hand out so that his palm was pressing down on my lower stomach and his thumb rubbed circles into my aching clit. The movement of his hips had shifted from a smooth roll to a more jagged, harsh thrust as he followed my instructions.

“Perfect,” I moaned, gripping the sheets beneath me. My hips bucked, causing them to land at a new angle that allowed him to hit that spot again and again.

“Fuck,” Matt whined for the 80th time. “I’m so close.”

“Keep going,” I moaned. I could feel the knot in my stomach getting tighter and tighter. Everything he was doing to my body only pushed me closer; he was making me feel so good and I didn’t want the moment to end.

Suddenly, Matt’s moans started to get louder and more frequent as his hips stuttered with each thrust. The sounds he was making were so heavenly; I felt boastfully lucky to be hearing them and being the reason he was making them.

“You’re so pretty, Matt,” I huffed, arching my back. I moaned out loud, feeling my climax approaching like a fucking bullet. Matt was not far behind whatsoever.

He leaned forward, kissing me on the lips and thrusting into me as hard as he could. I yelped, moving my hands to grip his hair as my body started shaking violently. I came in a fit of loud moans and whines, his name lingering in my curses as I caught my breath.

Matt gasped, whining as the rhythm of his thrusts was disrupted. I could practically feel his dick throb as he came, still inside of me. He exhaustedly moaned into my mouth, letting me shove my tongue between his lips and kiss him harshly while he was still catching his breath.

“Can we do that again sometime?” he asked me, panting into my mouth. I looked into his eyes, pushing the curls that were stuck to his sweaty forehead away from his face.

“One-hundred percent,” I giggled, pulling him in for a soft kiss. My legs were trembling alongside his arms.

We laid for a little while, catching our breath and taking in the feeling of our bodies pressed against each other, relaxing. I was sure Matt was very close to falling asleep, and I didn’t blame him. It was late and I too was exhausted.

Eventually, we both got up, and I pulled on his gray T-shirt so I could run to the bathroom and clean up. I brought back a wet rag so he could clean himself up, before he pulled his shorts back on and climbed under the covers with me.

“Promise me something,” he said.

“What’s up?” I asked, snuggling up to his chest while he wrapped his arms around me.

“Promise that you’ll still pay attention to the work during our next session,” He laughed, pulling me closer. His body was still warm and his skin was soft.

“Will you reward me if I do?” I asked, looking up at him.

Matt smirked, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I promise if you promise.”

“I promise,” I whispered, kissing him softly. He smiled in the kiss, softly tracing my jaw with his thumb.

“I promise too,” he said.

#this is okay at best idk. i feel like i can write good stories but the actual smut is just meh #also i rushed it but i hope you like it anyway #matt stone x reader #matt stone #x reader #fem reader #fanfiction #fluff #smut #mattrey #baseketball #cannibal the musical #trey parker

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crash-bump-bring-the-whump · 23 days

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Whumpril 2024 - Day 22 - Stoicism Breaks

I've been threatening to send Mariano to therapy so here we ARE! I reference a little RP I had with @comfy-whumpee that's been swirling in my brain ever since we did it c:<

TWs: self harm mention, suicide mention, anxiety mention, talk of a shooting, talk of captivity, this is real cathartic though I promise it's not bad

Ex-military, spent most of his twenties in foreign federal prison, history of anxiety, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. Stoic, highly traumatized, closed off, slow to open up. Hesitant to talk about intense experiences, needs reassurance. Overly concerned with others' needs.

Mary Barlowe looked over her notes before walking into the latest session with Mariano Cross. He wasn't her most difficult patient to talk to, not by a long shot. She never had to worry about calling security, or convincing him to leave when time was up. He was polite, punctual, and friendly.

But he was challenging in his own way.

He'd had a full decade of people telling him that he was an irredeemable monster, and he'd taken it all very seriously. Discussing anything heavier than everyday troubles was approached with the same caution that stray dogs approached an outstretched hand. He barely seemed to have even a basic connection to his own body or emotions, sounding detached whenever he spoke about them. They were things he needed help with, of course, but it was clear that there were things buried deeper than that.

The small, quick smile he gave her when she entered was a fantastic sign. "Good afternoon, Doctor Barlowe." He was already seated, back straight, both feet flat on the floor, and careful hands folded and resting on his leg.

"Good afternoon, Mariano." She returned the greeting easily, taking her own seat in the comfortable chair opposite his. "You mentioned wanting to talk about something difficult today, did something happen?" She knew the answer to that. He'd missed a few sessions due to being hospitalized from a robbery gone wrong.

He hesitated, dark eyes darting to the table between them. "Yes. I...there was something that happened." He seemed to close in on himself, just so, hands still clasped firmly together. She could feel the tension that crept into his voice. "But I understand if we can't."

There it was, the familiar beginning of withdrawal. "Why wouldn't we be able to talk about it?" She leaned forward, a small smile on her face. She kept her features soft, her posture relaxed. "You're paying to have a space to talk about the difficult things."

"I am, yes." He trailed off, not quite meeting her eye yet. "But it was...graphic. I don't want to overstep. I've accidentally done that before, and I...I don't want to find a new therapist. I like you."

"Oh?" Mary's voice softened. "Mariano, let me reassure you: You are not the first former prisoner I've worked with, or the first soldier. If I need a moment after hearing something then I'll let you know, but you're not going to destroy me by just talking.

"You deserve to feel safe enough to say what's on your mind. I'm sure it gets heavy holding it in, doesn't it?" She saw something in his jaw tense, the hold he had on his own hand growing tighter.

Mariano swallowed, nodding, eyes on the tissue box between them. "...It does. I have dreams about it sometimes."

"I'd imagine so." She said. "What happens in those dreams?"

When Mariano spoke again, his voice was barely louder than a whisper. "I can't call for help after I'm shot, and I wind up dying." He took a deeper breath, the sound just barely trembling. "It always feels...very realistic."

"Were you alone when it happened?" Mariano didn't move. His eyes never left the tissue box. "Mariano?" She had a feeling that he wasn't thinking about whether or not he needed a tissue.

He looked up at her, tension tight around his eyes, jaw set, and shoulders curled in on himself. "I...I don't want to hurt you."

"Have you hurt someone by talking about this before?" She spoke to him like he was backed into a corner, cowering away. He was, in a sense. It was like he was waiting for her to snap at him.

Mariano nodded.

"Can you tell me about it?"

Mariano hesitated, his grip shifting to his own elbows. He looked even smaller in the soft, pale green chair. "One of my friends asked me what happened, and why people weren't applying to the ad we put out for more managers. I said that I got shot during a robbery and almost died, and that it had gotten publicized--I don't think I went into detail, but he said that I...ambushed him?"

Mariano's breath caught. "I don't want to overstep again." He repeated. "He's a therapist and...I tried to keep things civilian friendly. It was why people hadn't been applying, and I tried to keep it brief, I...I don't really know what I did wrong. I didn't want to ask him to explain if I'd already hurt him."

A frown ghosted across Mary's face. "I see. Well, you don't have to worry about that, here. I have my own therapist, and I come to work expecting to hear about hard things."

She pushed the tissues closer, leaning forward to catch Mariano's eye. "And I think that I would've answered similarly, in your shoes. Maybe your friend was just having a hard time himself, and didn't communicate that well.

"But most people wouldn't consider that an ambush, just like you wouldn't consider it one if you asked a friend how they'd been and they said that they'd broken their leg recently, or lost a pet." She smiled softly when Mariano continued looking at her. "I think you'd just consider that surprising and unfortunate."

Mariano's jaw trembled. His eyes shone in the mid-afternoon light that streamed in through the window. "...I would."

"This hour is yours, Mariano. I'm not going to get upset at you." She plucked a few tissues and offered them over. "I've seen you for a while now. You don't have to be vigilant like that with me."

Mariano took them, holding them tight.

"Let me help you set some of that heavy stuff down." Mary offered. "You don't have to hold it all in on your own. You won't hurt me with it. It's safe."

Mariano's shoulders shuddered as he crumbled face-first into the tissues. A sob crawled out of him, escaping into his palms. It sounded agonized, like he'd been holding it in for months.

It was the most emotion he'd shown the entire time she'd known him. "It's okay to let people help you. You don't have to be a one man army anymore."

When Mariano had collected himself again, minutes later, Mary listened as he told her about the night that he almost died.

@whump-captain @whumpr @whumperofworlds @lektricwhump @cyberwhumper @bxtterflystxtches @inscrutable-shadow @honeybees-125

#whumpril2024 #whumprilday22 #day 22 #stoicism breaks #self harm ment #anxiety ment #suicide ment #talk of a shooting #talk of captivity #talk of imprisonment #murder mention #mage of violence #mary barlowe #I love when conflicts happen in rp and it informs how a character interacts with people #it's fascinating!!#mariano is so ready to accept that he's hurt someone and needs to change even if other people's trauma might be informing their reaction #He's so ready for more instruction on how to be better and how to dull any sharp edges

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n0tangeliccc · 10 months

Text

Hiding

Stan x Fem!Reader

(All characters are 18+)

Warning: Cheating, sex mentions, toxic relationships

Prev.

Next.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ✧˖°.

Kenny stared down at his phone in disbelief. Stan had done stupid shit before but this was different. He was going to risk ruining not only his reputation but his relationships with all his friends, especially with one of his friends in specific. Kenny knew he wouldn’t be able to stop it, he knew the moment Stan told him about you but he still kept his secret. He owed him that much after all the times Stan had kept his secrets.

Looking over at his red-headed boyfriend he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Even before dating they wouldn’t really keep secrets so having to be so quiet about this had taken a bit of a toll on him. “Feeling okay Ken?” Kyle asked as he fixed the collar of his shirt. “Mmhm, you ready yet?” Kenny mumbled back “Almost and you know you can’t lie to me what’s wrong?” Kyle turned to him and crossed his arms. “It’s nothing babe, just Stan being Stan you know? Now let’s go, we have to pick that asshole up.” He gave Kyle a toothy grin as he wrapped his arm around his shoulder and walked him out.

So many times Kenny tried to stop Stan, he really did but he knew his friend was too stuck in his little fantasy world to listen. He couldn’t keep saving him from his problems, if Stan fucked his life up that was on him and him alone. He was alone this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ✧˖°.

You smiled as you stared at yourself in the mirror, Bebe and Wendy had helped you get ready, even getting you a nice outfit and helping you with your hair. “Ooo girl you look good!!” Bebe grinned as she walked behind you “Totally getting laid tonight Y/N” she laughed. “Oh come on Bebe you know N/N isn’t like that” Wendy chimed in giving you a sweet smile. A smile that used to calm you down now sent chills up your spine, maybe it was just your paranoia but that smile seemed too sweet…“Y-yeah I’m not really looking for hookups right now Bebs, Wendy should be the one getting all the action she deserves it after that terrible break up.” You joked hoping the nervousness in your voice would go unnoticed. “You’re so right N/N, Wendy let me help you with that makeup girl you look like a mess right now.” You let out a sigh of relief as Bebe walked away from you.

As much as you didn’t want to go the peer pressure was too much. Stan wasn’t the only one you were scared to see there, there was a history between you and his friends. You were sure Wendy and Bebe would have had to do so much to convince the guys to let you go if Clyde wasn’t the one to throw the party. Clyde was an oblivious idiot and this was one of the few times you were thankful for it.

“Are you all ready to go?” You asked turning to the girls. “Yep all done, shall we go?” Wendy laughed as she picked up her keys. “We shall!!” Bebe smiled as she grabbed her bag and you by the arm, “Let’s go!!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ✧˖°.

Stan stood outside waiting for Kyle and Kenny to pick him up. As much as he wanted to walk back in and drown out his feelings with a bottle of vodka he was determined to tell you no tell the world how deep he had fallen in love. He could care less if you felt the same way, he just wanted the weight of keeping it secret off his shoulders.

He knew all the risk, he knew them from the moment Kenny had threatened to tell everyone about you but couldn’t because of the dirt Stan had on him. He wouldn’t say it was blackmail, I mean they both had their secrets they wouldn’t want anyone to know, it was just two friends keeping secrets.

Stan’s thought were interrupted as a loud beep broke him out of his trance. “Are you just gonna stand there or actually get in so we can go??” Kenny yelled out from the car. “Yeah yeah I’m going” Stan rolled his eyes as he got into the back of the car. “So are we pregaming here?” Kenny nodded as he handed him a small bottle of pink whitney. “Seriously dude this?” “Listen I got this from Marj and Bebe, you drink what you can get” and so drink they did, the whole way there. By the time they got to Clyde’s house Stan and Kenny were already drunk enough to be stumbling out the car.

For two people hiding a big secret they sure weren’t smart enough to control the amount they drank.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ✧˖°.

“Well if it isn’t Stan Marsh…already drunk I see” Bebe scoffed as you watched Wendy roll her eyes. You sunk down onto your chair as Kyle helped Kenny and Stan get into the house. As much as you wanted to help him you knew he wouldn’t accept the help, especially from you. You felt so awkward here even with your friends around you but even through the awkwardness you could feel something else, the impending feeling of doom in your chest. “Of course he’s already drunk we all know he can’t resist drinking…” Wendy sighed “But that doesn’t matter, we came here to have fun not watch drunk idiots like them.” She smiled at you and Bebe “Let’s go dance!” Bebe jumped up from her seat excitedly, “Now you’re talking girl! Come on N/N!!” You took a deep breath as the blonde dragged you to dance, this was fine you needed a distraction anyways.

You danced as the music blasted through the room losing yourself in the melody. More people had arrived filling Clyde’s house but even through the crowd you could feel a pair of eyes staring at you. A pair of ocean blue eyes that you had grown oh so fond of.

Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the way you danced but Stan couldn’t help but feel nauseous. All he wanted to do was run over to you and spill his feelings and probably his guts out to you but he was waiting. Waiting for what? Waiting for everyone to be here, everyone to pay attention, everyone to watch him.

It was selfish to do this to you but he needed everyone to know that he wasn’t the only bad one. It wasn’t only his fault. Hell he’d go as far as to say it was your fault you two were in this situation. If you hadn’t been so sweet, if you hadn’t reached out to ask if he was okay, if you hadn’t came over that night none of this would have happened. You started this as far as he was concerned and he was going to make it known.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ✧˖°.

Masterlist

Taglist: @hand-writxen @kenanonsthoughts @quackyfae @thiscrying @sugxryratz @novalforfeb @lacunaanonymoused

#south park x reader #south park fanfiction #south park x y/n #south park x you #stan marsh x you #stan marsh x reader #stan marsh x y/n #Shameless SP series

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writingstoraes · 2 years

Text

Promises to Keep (Jeong Jaehyun)

pairing: jeong jaehyun/fem!reader

warnings: not much really, this is just very angsty as usual :]] not proofread, sorry for any grammatical and typographical errors! reader is a graduating medical student by the way! mark is here too hahahaha

notes: pls feel free to tell me what u think by commenting or messaging!

summary: Though you couldn't celebrate your victories together anymore, you and Jaehyun still found a way to keep your promises to each other.

It's been two months ever since you and Jaehyun walked away from each other. There was no big fight nor were there hurtful words and loud screams thrown at each other. There was no third party, or a trust broken, in which you concluded is the reason why it hurt more than you think it would - because you both realized what you had to do. And no matter how much you convince yourself that it was for your and his best interest, the ache and the pain doesn't really lessen.

You simply had to end it because your careers were consuming most of your time. It seems as if it was a childish reason, a problem that can be fixed by sitting down and talking - but it was more complicated than it seemed. One was a famous idol occupied with touring the world, performing on shows, and spending his time shooting or recording. And the other was a graduating medical student who spent most of her time hunched over in front of her laptop, messy notes and transes, having 2 to 4 hours of sleep every night.

And it's not as if you didn't try to make it work. Both of you poured in rigorous efforts to not let the relationship fall, but both of you knew you were taking on more than you can take.

You were supportive of each other's careers. He sometimes stays up late with you to accompany you while studying, or he drops by the university to bring you lunch because you spend so much time studying you don't eat properly anymore. He sends you goodluck messages, treats you to dinner when you get good marks, and still does the same even when you fail. When you had time, you visit him at the studio, you cook him dinner to eat when he gets home. You drop by the vinyl record store that's two train rides away at least once or twice a month to buy something for him.

You always kept your promises to each other. And though the two of you had your careers consuming your very being, you always promised each other - You would both be there when the other achieves something.

And it was a promise you both kept for 3 years. You were there when they first won a daesang, you attended their first sold-out concert, you were seating at front when they found out they sold 3 million copies of their album, and even present when his first solo album broke records. He was there when you got your first A+ on a difficult exam, he watched when you were awarded the special award that your thesis and dissertation got, and he was there to fetch you when you finished your first clinical rotation.

From the small wins up to the big triumphs, you were both there to witness it.

The thing is, now that you weren't in each other's life anymore, you both assume that promise is dead and null. But it turns out, there was a stronger force propelling the two of you to not break that promise - even if the other didn't know. He wanted to be there for you, to watch you achieve everything you deserved, even if you were unaware he was there. You wanted to be there for every single award he gets, even if he doesn't get to know you were in the audience.

"I know this is a big favor to ask. And I know you guys broke up like two months ago, but I'm asking you as Jaehyun's friend, and well as a member of 127 too. Please, Y/N," In front of you was Mark, asking begging that you attend the biggest award show they have lined up yet.

Where NCT 127 is set to win 2 daesangs - Album of the Year and Artist of the Year. And not only that, but Jaehyun was also set to win a major award himself, for a successful second solo album.

"He may not admit it, but he needs you there. He doesn't even have to see you, I just need to be able to tell him you're there," he continues to sway you. And you knew he was right, though you won't tell him that.

"Mark, I-" you start, and then you get cut off by the eager blonde boy in front of you.

"Please. Look, I'll even handle the ticket and entry myself. You don't have to sit in front. You can still be close, but far enough he doesn't see you in the crowd and you don't have to worry about bumping into him."

"I already have a ticket." you say lowly, looking down to fidget with your fingers. Mark presses his lips into a thin line, honestly not knowing what to say.

"I already bought one the moment the selling period started. We were seperated then - and I wasn't sure if I was going to go. Force of habit, I guess."

"So, you'll go? Please tell me you'll go. I told Taeyong hyung I could surely make you say yes." Mark pleads as you lift your head up to look at him.

You already had an initial answer at the back of your head, and you weren't one to break a promise you vowed to keep. You were going to go either way, maybe all you needed was a push.

"Yeah, I'll go." you give him a small smile, as the look of worry disappears from the boy's face.

"Thank you. I know it's hard, and I know this might set you back because I know you're trying to move on yourself. And yes I know I could lie to him and tell him you went when you didn't - but he'll know. And we're - I'm just afraid that's going to affect him even more." Mark sighs, clearly affected by the state Jaehyun was in.

And you weren't even fully doing this because Mark asked and you grew to have a soft spot for him throughout the course of your relationship with Jaehyun. Partially, maybe. You were attending the event simply because you wanted to. You wanted to keep your promise.

"I have one favor to ask, though." you say unsurely, and Mark raises his brow at you, a signal for you to spew out whatever it is.

"Can you help me make sure I enter the venue without anyone recognizing me? I know it's a hard favor to ask but I just ... rather not have Jaehyun or anyone actually see me there." And there it was, the first time you let his name roll of your tongue after weeks of stopping yourself.

"Of course, I'll pick you up myself. You won't even have to go through the main gates." Mark confidently says with a confused look on his face.

"We weren't really out out in public. And though people knew we were together, I just don't want this break up to be a bigger deal than it is. If fans see me, Jaehyun might see me too and I just can't deal with that yet." you purse your lips.

"The past two months I tried my best to keep myself off his radar. It was for the best. Can't really avoid him though, you guys' faces are all over Korea." you joke, Mark joining on the small chuckle you managed to get out.

"Yeah, don't worry, I'll make sure of it. Thanks again for doing this, Y/N. I owe you so much."

In truth, this isn't really a favor. You willingly wanted to do it. You wanted to see him further take his career to the skies. You wanted to be there.

After a small exchange of stories, Mark stands up to prepare to leave as he stops and looks as if he wanted to say something. He shakes his head, proceeding to wear his coat, still looking ever so bothered.

"You know," he starts, unsure of what he was about to say, but something inside him just wanted to let you know, because he knew you - and it was the least he could do for you.

"Jaehyun kept his promise too."

"What?" you ask as you stop fluffing the cushion and pillows he sat on.

"I honestly shouldn't be telling you this because Jaehyun doesn't even know I know. But he's a terrible liar," he laughs.

"What are you talking about, Mark?"

"He kept his promise just like you kept yours now, I know you both made vows to always celebrate each other's wins or something. And when you said yes to me earlier, I just can't help but to tell you this." The tone of uncertainty still laces his voice, but he just sighs it off.

"He was at your graduation."

You stood there frozen, hand clutching the pillow you were holding earlier. What Mark has said hasn't registered to you yet, and it continues to baffle and break you down the more it does.

"H-how do y-you know?"

"Yeah well we all knew the exact date of your graduation because he kept repeating it the moment you were in the list of honors. The day came and none of us wanted to say anything."

"The same day he said he was going on an errand, and even our managers didn't know where he was going. He was carrying a box? of some sort. The wrapper was very thin and it was clear it was a stethoscope - with the logo of the brand you do not shut up about." Mark lightly narrates, and laughs toward the end.

"We figured he just wanted to clear his mind, you know? But then he got home, still carrying the box. He set it down at the coffee table absentmindedly and I think he forgot that on top of the box, was the invitation to your graduation. The envelope was open so it means he opened it to show at the entrance."

"I didn't see him," you reply, pain embracing you once again.

"Oh and he told Jungwoo he went." he continues, as if the fact was something easy to comprehend and not at all heavy.

"Why are you telling me this?" you ask Mark, as he just gives you a shrug.

"If he gets to know you're there for him tomorrow, you deserve to know he was there for you, too." he gives you a small smile.

And now you were back to square one - not knowing what to do with what you just found out.

He was there and he didn't break his promise.

Your eyes scanned the auditorium to look for him that day, just in case he was there. And once you fail to recognize a familiar face anywhere, you were so sure the promise you intended to keep was voided.

You do not know how long the two of you can keep this set up going, how long the two of you can sit and watch in silence as the other is unaware of your presence. But all you had in your mind was, deep down, he knows you're watching him and you just know he's in the audience, witnessing every point of triumph in your career like you do with him.

Some have things unspoken, but maybe what you and Jaehyun had were promises to keep.

#nct 127 #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun one shot #jeong jaehyun fanfiction #jeong jaehyun imagines #nct

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altheterrible · 7 months

Text

I am worth saving.

A year ago, I was planning on killing myself.

Back then, I was 4 months out of the psych ward, completely unmedicated, stripped of my pharmacist license, and working over 60 hours a week at three part time jobs (Halloween store, library, museum). I was exhausted and suffering constant debilitating migraines and neuropathic pain that I assumed was irrelevant because no one else gave a shit about it. I was back to self-harming because I figured if no one else cared about it, why should I? Oh, and I was bankrupt. Definitely not where I’d planned to be 3 years after getting my doctorate.

Looking at my life, it did not seem to me then that I was bringing anything of value to the world, and in fact, I concluded that my existence was just a burden on others. A burden it was unfair of me to make them continue to bear. Suicide seemed like the kindest thing I could do, for everyone involved. End my pain, and free everyone of my presence.

I’d set a date of November 1st. I picked that day because I thought it would be the least inconvenient day for me to die. I didn’t want my boss at the Halloween store to be short staffed on Halloween, so I figured I should stick around at least until after that. Furthermore, I wanted my last paycheck from each of my three jobs to be enough that my sister could afford Simply Cremation for me, and that meant sticking out the pay period. Logically, I knew that my dying would be inconvenient no matter what, but I thought it was only decent to try to mitigate some of the inconvenience I was causing.

I have always been apologizing for my inconvenience.

Anyway, I had a plan. I know my meds, and my plan was solid. I knew how, where, and when I was going to end my life. I lied to my therapist when she asked if I was suicidal. Honesty is never the best policy in that scenario. I just lied and quietly bided my time, slogged through 60 hour work weeks, and survived on 4-5 hours of sleep a night. Waiting patiently for November 1st to come so I could die.

And yet, a year later, I’m still here. I’m still alive.

It’s hard to pinpoint one big thing that changed in the last year that convinced me to keep going. I think it was actually a combination of small things.

First, in January I started working with an incredible new therapist who doesn’t text or scroll instagram during our sessions. Unlike every other therapist I've had, she has been able to guide me to finally feel empathy for myself instead of just criticism and hatred. Next, I cut my dad and his drama out of my life because he believes I exist only to be the next woman in line to care for him. I found a doctor who believes that both my mental and physical pain matter and is working to help me treat both. Finally, I started forming relationships with people who treat me like an equal, like a person instead of some kind of lesser life form that was created only for servitude and emotional labor.

I think...the change that has kept me here is that I am starting to see myself as a human being. For the first time in my life, I believe that my needs have the same weight as everyone else’s. My pain hurts as much as everyone else’s. My feelings are as important as anyone else's. My life has intrinsic value, just like everyone else’s. I do not need to apologize for being here.

And maybe, I have even left my fingerprints on the souls of others, just like they have left their fingerprints on mine.

Everything isn’t all sunshine and roses these days, but I can see a path forward. I think I am finally ready to make a firm commitment to being alive, to staying alive. I think I’m ready to take suicide off the table. Because I deserve to exist. I am a part of this world. And my life is worth saving.

My life is worth saving.

I am ready to save it.

#whining #suicide #depression #self harm #chronic illness #recovery #mental health #mental illness

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writerdream22 · 2 years

Text

requested by: anonymous, I sincerely hope you like this ✨🌻💛

pairing: Thomas Shelby x reader

warnings: none, except for a few curse words. English is not my first language so there might be some grammatical errors

feedbacks are always appreciated!

Tides thrash inside

Baby, I'm high octane

Fever in a shock wave

My core vibrates in an opium haze

Thomas Shelby was both the best thing and the worst thing that had ever happened to you.

He was just like a pack of cigarettes, the ones he oh-so-loved. Beautiful, entertaining, addicting— but dangerous at the same time.

You never argued, no, but his lifestyle compared to yours was complete madness. You'd met on the front; you, a nurse, had aided him after he'd gotten an injury on his leg which prevented him from walking properly and therefore could compromise his proficiency at work. After that, he would send you letters any time he was able to do so, and even managed to get you a flower once.

Yet you think we're the same

The skyline falls as I try to make sense of it all

You weren't born in Birmingham, but you were from London. Your family wasn't rich, nor it was poor, hence your mother would say you were “lower middle class”. The aforementioned didn't like Small Heath; she had spent a few years of her life there, and she always said that crime was commonplace and you couldn't trust anyone. You never trusted anyone anyways, so you didn't see the problem in visiting the place.

When Thomas had finally told you where he came from, fearful that it might lead you away, you wrote “Yeah, so?”. He was quite surprised by your reaction, but shrugged his thoughts off immediately. He was too enamoured to think about your provenance, and so were you.

I thought I'd uncovered your secrets but turns out there's more

You adored me before

Oh, my good looking boy

After the war ended you decided to start officially courting each other (that's what your family wanted after all), and you both felt happy. You imagined having children, two or three at least, and Tommy promised countless times that he would provide for you and give you the best things he would.

The Peaky Blinders and the whole of Small Heath started feeling more like home, and the women of the family had welcomed you with open arms. Especially Polly.

Unfortunately, you were too enamoured to see that there was something Thomas kept hidden. It was something a handful of people knew, that not even Polly was aware of at first. She suspected that he had an affair, that he was messing around with that blonde-haired bartender at the Garrison; hence, she warned you. “I don't care whether he's my nephew or not, y/n” she'd said “You don't deserve to be treated like this”

You couldn't bear to live in doubt. Therefore, on a rainy day, knowing that the Peaky boys were at the Garrison, you walked there and asked to talk to Thomas. At first, Harry was hesitant to let you in, but your glare and ominous-looking hat that you were wearing convinced him otherwise.

And so you confronted Thomas. You both went outside, in the pouring rain, and you demanded an explanation.

“What's wrong with you, Tommy?”

“What do you mean?”

“You're hiding something from me. Pol told me, and I want to know. Are you fucking around with Grace or not?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Of course not!”

“You really think I would cheat on you with a fuckin' barmaid? You think so lowly of me? You consider me to be a kind of husband that cheats on his wife just because?”

“No, but Polly—”

“It's not about Grace, y/n! There's something hidden— a cargo, something very big, and I don't want you to get hurt! Do you understand?”

“Yes. However, I don't like that you don't tell me things. I decided to be with you, didn't I? I accepted to become part of this. I am aware of the risks that there are in being a Peaky Blinder, and I don't want to think that you're cheating on me when it's just really something harmless”

Play casino holes of my eyeballs

Roll the dice on my thighs

You stop for breath and I sped up

Just to impress you

Thomas loved you more than ever. He did, really. And so did you.

You started going to the Garrison more often, and Thomas chuckled when he saw you talking with Grace. He knew what you were doing— analyzing her, that is— and he could notice that the blonde-haired woman was doing the same to you.

What Thomas found so attractive in you, she couldn't understand. But as much as she tried to, she couldn't get under Thomas's skin.

He was too in love with you, too enthralled by your smile and your beautiful eyes filled with curiosity. Sometimes, he said, it seemed like you were a baby seeing things for the first time.

You're not who you are to anyone, to anyone

You're not who you are to anyone, to anyone these days

I'm not who I am to anyone, no, not me at all

I'm not who I am to anyone these days, not at all

After some time, in late October 1920, Thomas asked you to be his wife and you got married not soon after. You felt like bursting with happiness— you were going to be officially a Shelby, finally!

But what you didn't know that marriage was going to be your downfall. Marrying Thomas was a great deal, and it caught the attention of lots of people— both good and bad. The whole family vowed to protect you, the girl coming from London that got the heart of a Small Heath boy, but there were times in which it was inevitable for you to get hurt.

Thomas was a great man, you were aware of that. And you were also aware of the fact that he was awfully good-looking and the eyes of every woman in the society were on him.

In the bathrooms, when you went to restaurants or pubs of any kind, you heard the voices of those harpies saying that he deserved something more— not a grey Londoner who was surely after his wealth and prestige. Little did they know, you'd met him way before the Blinders became as powerful as they were in that moment.

Nonetheless, it made you feel sick to the stomach. People's words were like a Black Widow's bite— it hurt you deeply. You never told Thomas, in fear that he might have overreacted or something, but be noticed nevertheless.

You were his wife after all. His one and only, his true love.

And he was your husband. The man who'd turned your world upside down. The man who had promised you the world and handed it to you, just like that. He was the love of your life, and you were more than proud to say that you were a Shelby.

The skyline falls as I try to make sense of it all

I thought I'd uncovered your secrets but turns out there's more

You adored me before

Oh, my good looking boy

#writerdream22 #reader insert #gif imagine #requests open #x reader #thomas shelby x you #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby gif #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby #peaky blinders gif #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders #song fic

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bladewarde · 2 years

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from Alasdair: ‘ I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. ’ / @has-opinions

He had begged her with a softness in his voice; where a deep yearning he kept only to himself came through in the gentleness in which he held her by the arms. For a moment, Laera could only stare, taken by the affections of the man she had fallen so deeply in love with, and left all the same. He looked so frail. A towering man in stature, and strong as a bear -- that was the Alasdair she knew, and loved -- yet he looked small in the clothes he wore. Exhaustion was carved deep into his handsome face, and his hair dulled, faded from its rich brown colour.

Her tenderness, though, shifted, as she twisted from his grip in protest. Her anger briefly surfaced, unable to hide the insult she felt: ❝ I didn't ask you to find me! And... And I told you -- the both of you -- I couldn't stay! No matter 'ow much you whinge and beg, I'm not leaving with you! ❞ She screamed at him, the blood pooling in her face, as Alasdair, unwavering and motionless, took it all.

There had been plenty to think about while she was gone, and in the moments she spent polishing silverware, or preparing the food, the desperation to belong, to feel whole, turned her bitter. She vowed to make this life in England work, in spite of what Alasdair or Eilodh believed. Shamefully, though, she hated them for being unburdened with the responsibility of a normal life, where they could live on forever; a freedom of a different sort. It was a luxury she could never have, and her pride would never allow her to be dependent on either of them, yet mixed with her bitterness was longing. A homesickness.

' Please come 'ome, ' He then whispered to her, persistent as the snows that passed over Ben Lomond, and she faltered, then. ' Come 'ome to Eilodh; she misses ye awful. ' And he paused; a long, drawn out silence, as he seemed to stare through her, his thoughts cast elsewhere. Laera watched, expecting more than the calm he gave her. She thought he would have matched her in her fury, but Alasdair was talented at soothing even the wildest of them. She simmered, and when he spoke to her again, she could feel herself softening to his words. ' I miss ye, Laera. I miss ye more than I could ever tell ye, but I want -- I need -- ye 'ome. I need ye 'ome with me, an' can only 'ope ye listen. ' If there had been any fight left in Laera, it wholly left her in that instant; she crumbled, and she could do nothing to stop the tears that poured down her reddened cheeks.

In the days since the MacDonalds' arrived, and the weeks it took for them return, Laera had much time to think. Maybe she was a fool for being convinced so easily, to give up so readily on the plan she had carefully laid out, but in truth, Laera didn't want to be without. It would be worse, she thought -- even with no coin to her name, or work of her own -- to be without the two people who showed her the beauty that her life could be. They had become her family; and only when she was returned to the comfort and familiarity of her simple life, pressed against Alasdair's side, her head on his chest as she listened to the beating of his heart, did she truly feel at peace. It's the sort of peace that comes with knowing this is where she is meant to be.

❝ I shouldn't 'ave said those 'orrible things to you, ❞ Laera mumbles, her mouth pressed into his skin, afraid of admitting the cruelty behind the words she screamed at him. It's all she can say to make it better. ❝ 'M sorry, Alasdair, ❞ She raises her head, staring into his soft gaze, and without expectation of forgiveness; she doesn't deserve it. ❝ 'M sorry, ❞ Her apology is soft, guilty.

He returns her stare, as if attempting to memorise the details of her face should they never see each other again. He holds her a little tighter, and when he speaks, he speaks firmly. ‘ I never wish to be parted from ye from this day on. I cannae bear it, Laera. Never again. Please... ’

She swears he to him he has nothing to fear, and through her holding back tears, Laera kisses him sweetly.

She is meant to be home.

#hasopinions #❛ fad beatha. / i trod with a wild ecstasy; the bright fringe of the living sea.#i have no words!!!!!! other than!!!#i love them ur honour :pensive:#❛ 𝒊𝒄. / ic answers.

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savehishope · 4 months

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I’ve sat on this thought for so long. I’ve kept trying to convince myself that this is what will shape me but it’s not something I deserve to go through just so it can shape me. I can’t keep saying everytime we talk that, well that’s what makes me a man because even a great man has their father. I get it, you want to be proud of me because you didn’t raise me and I raised myself through your absence, but I continue to raise myself as though you are still absent. We talk and I get it, I can come and talk to you about anything and you can give me advice but that’s what friends are for, and I don’t need a friend I need a father. I try not to compare but I see all my friends and their parents, sometimes just their fathers do things for them and I give the same excuse, “well I’m well off so I don’t need the help” but then I remember that because my brother made poor choices, he still gets the help, probably had a good Christmas, because his father knows what it’s like to make a poor choice and feel alone in prison. Something that I wouldn’t understand because I’ve never been to prison. But I think, maybe if I make a poor choice I’ll get my father’s love next. I never ask for much, honestly I don’t ever ask for anything but I think, dang, what if he sent something as helpful as a pack of toilet. Shit I see those funny videos where those parents get their adult children stuff like deodorant, toilet paper, laundry detergent and shit for as a present and they laugh. And I’m like but honestly, as a grown adult, that shit would mean the world. Even though liz gave me hand me down shit, I always held onto it. A damn checkers game from toys for tots and I still held onto it and horde it because I don’t receive gifts much from her. I still have this small little jewelry box she gave me because she didn’t want it. The things you got me, I horde and hold onto because I cherish that. I wear that necklace you got me every time I go out. Those cologne samples, I rotate them to make them last because I appreciate that and I don’t want to run out of the last thing my dad has ever gotten me. I get it, you may be struggling. But you struggle enough to help my brother. you didn’t understand why Liz didn’t struggle to help Jesse and I. Oh she did, she struggled to make sure he was happy. To give him the best. And yet history repeats and you’re doing the same for him. I could be so grateful for Sandra and her motherly love, but I hate that she’d do more for me than my own biological parents so I backed off. She already has kids yet she really counts me as one of her own. There’s nothing more that I want from this conversation than to give you clarification. A family is what you make it, and with action speaking louder than words, I appreciate the love I get from being my own father whereas I don’t want to keep getting hurt by trying to get the love from my own dad.

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ruminate88 · 6 months

Text

Lesson Learned Too Well

There is many hard things I’ve come to face after narcissistic abuse….

one of them is, now, I observe every person I meet or come in contact with. No one gets close to me without I observe them first and even then, I’m afraid they could drop their “mask” at any point and time.

You NEED people and you NEED connections. A person can not survive in this world without love and human connections. You will starve yourself if you isolate yourself too far. You’ll be just as cold as the narcissist and honestly when you hang with a duck, you act like one.

when you’ve been with a narcissist and learn they can only damage you, you then are so hurt that it affects you negatively and you often end up hurting those who have tried to defend you against the narcissist. I know I pushed away friends who kept trying to open my eyes to truth. I was so angry and embarrassed that they were right about my ex and how he was lying/cheating. I found myself not wanting to even acknowledge their friendship because they told me the truth about my relationship with Andrew and I felt they “spoiled” it. I felt they wanted us to break up so bad and believed they were against me when they didn’t deserve me to treat them like that. 😔

I don’t wanna be cold because prior to the narcissist, I was the most loving and giving person to everyone I met. I could lend a helping hand to any stranger before but NOW I don’t wanna meet a stranger hardly. I stick to my small circle of people that I am choosing to trust and let in my door….

I literally have to now push myself to trust those in my life and I push myself to show them love and compassion. I often miss the days when I could show a hand of friendship to anyone BUT the pain of my ex narcissists was so great, I never wanna experience it again.

if I see ANY signs of narcissism from anyone, first I notice that person will be afraid to be around me because I can detect them and I can expose them but also I push them away and don’t even let them near me and I’m angry when they attach with people I love.

I know narcissist are humans too like me and need compassion same as me. I have tried to forgive my exes over and over. I’ve tried to feel sorry for them and I would never hurt them the way they hurt me but my opinions towards them is far from nice. 🥴 The anger my ex, Andrew, put inside me was more than I could handle. Andrew made me hate myself and hate everything around me. I didn’t wanna live after Andrew kept gaslighting me and treating me like I’m crazy.

from what I understand, most narcissists come from a place of “trauma” that’s why they cause you trauma… Being such an empathetic person, I had believed I could love Andrew enough to change him and affect him but nothing I said or did was enough to impact his life. He kept right on lying and cheating towards me. When I confronted his cheating, he put the blame back on me and tried to make me believe I was so stupid and did not know what the truth was. He tried to make believe I was misunderstanding the whole situation and that I didn’t “trust” him enough… wow. 🥺

Since Andrew, I put up a guard toward everyone. I did meet my husband and married him but I’ve battled trusting my husband and letting him 100% into my heart. I’ve almost expected him to lie and cheat. I’ve waited for “the let down” and I’ve waited to be disappointed. I’ve even mentally packed my bags to eventually have to move back home and YET my husband continues to show me he’s trustworthy. I’ve had to force myself to relax and get comfortable. I’ve had to work at convincing myself my marriage is good and will last forever.

I’ve not done all the work on my own!! I’ve prayed to Jesus over and over and over…. I’ve cried out for understanding and for the truth. Nothing has gotten better over night. It’s hard work to make progress daily. Each day is a new day to only grow as a person.

don’t let the narcissist steal your love, hope and dreams… don’t give up!! Don’t shut the whole world out over one or two bad apples. There is still people out there who CAN treat you with respect. No one is perfect!! Remember this, “you get what you give”!!! Maybe you’re scared to try again in love but some people are actually worth the risk!! 🥰 My husband was the nicest guy I ever met and I could literally feel a difference in being around him compared to my ex narcissists!!!

Don’t give up and don’t give in to the coldness brought on by the narcissist! Stay close to the light and continue to let love inside of you. Don’t lose your friends like I did… you can not survive alone!!

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adoringhaikyuu · 3 years

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they reject you and regret it afterwards

CHARACTERS: kuroo + iwaizumi + osamu + (gn!reader)

REQUEST: pspspsps i hope its okay if i drop my request here since i saw that yours are open :D can you maybe do how kuroo, iwaizumi and osamu rejects reader confession ( they are best friend ) because they have feelings for another person but later they regret it when they moved on? i love it when the boys realize it later how much the reader means to them but y/n took the chance to move on and have a sexy glow up ✋😩 yessss i wanna see them suffer at the end >:) • by anonymous

WARNINGS: dumb boys hurting your feelings and you hurting them right back :/

NOTES: i feel like i’m not too good at writing angst lol but i made these blurbs instead of hcs!

kuroo let you down easy, not wanting to hurt your feelings––to be honest he did feel something for you, but he wasn’t sure if it was what you wanted it to be. he felt more certain of the feelings he had for someone else. someone you slowly watched him admire from afar until he worked up the courage to start joking with them, then offering to buy them lunch and so on.

you still remember the awkward smile he gave you when you confessed to him, the smile that absolutely broke you because it showed you how much he didn’t want you the way you wanted him. not enough to give up his efforts with someone else. “i’m flattered y/n, but i’m sorry i just––you know i have a date this week...”

you’d looked down immediately, unable to look him in the eyes longer and swallowed back the lump in your throat that was aching to come up in a sob. “yeah yeah, i’m sorry i just––let’s forget this ever happened, yeah?”

you gave him your most convincing smile and he agreed, wanting everything to be normal between the two of you.

but it wasn’t until he’d gone on a few dates with them to realize that it didn’t feel right. it didn’t feel familiar, the way he thought it would. it wasn’t the same comfort he felt in your presence. when they texted him, he didn’t feel the same burst of happiness he felt when you messaged him. he tried to wait it out, to see if things would change, but they didn’t. they just weren’t you.

it’d been a few weeks since you’d confessed and gotten rejected, but you decided to move on instead of dwelling on his unrequited feelings––it wouldn’t do you any good to wallow and weep over your best friend. you wanted him to be happy, and you deserved to be too. so you knocked yourself out of that sad headspace and changed yourself up a bit. you started to value yourself better than you did before, you dressed the way you wanted to but were always afraid of doing and everything about you just brightened up. and other people noticed as well.

kuroo had kind of been too preoccupied to notice, if he was being honest. he didn’t realize what he had in front of him until he practically sprinted over to your place to surprise you and be honest about his feelings. you opened the door, already dressed up and kuroo took a step back, eyes widening as they took you in. did you always look this breathtaking?

“wow...”

you smiled gratefully, straightening out your clothes. “thanks, that’s what i was going for.” you walked back into your apartment to get your shoes, “not that i mind but what are you doing here?”

he blinked out of his trance and stepped in, closing the door behind him. “oh i just––i brought us some food.” he raised the bag he was holding even though you weren’t facing him. “i was kinda hoping we could spend some time together...” he scratched the back of his head, “maybe talk about a few things...” he trailed off when something clicked in his head as he watched you slip your shoes on. “wait why are you all dressed up?”

you turned and looked at him apologetically, “oh...i’m sorry kuroo,” you paused, “i actually have somewhere to be. can i take a raincheck?”

he opened his mouth for a few seconds as he watched you, but no sound came out. “oh um...well could i just––wait here? until you get back?”

you looked to the side awkwardly bringing one hand up to hold your other arm. “it’s just that...i might not be alone when i come back.”

as soon as you uttered those words, he could feel his heartbeat falter in his chest, a faint ringing noise in his ears.

“...a date?”

you nodded with a smile and though it’s selfish, he felt a part of him dim on the inside when he noticed how excited you were. he didn’t really have a right to stop you now did he, not when you chose his happiness over your own what felt like way long ago. so he wouldn’t.

he nodded as well, “oh” he forced a smile onto his face and stepped back towards the door, “that’s exciting. i’m happy for you, really.” he turned the door knob, “i’ll catch up with you some other time then, yeah? you’ll tell me how it went.” he looked at you one last time, his gaze wavering under the undeterred happiness radiating from you.

when he finally stepped out and closed your door, all the emotions hit him at once. he didn’t know what hurt the most, the fact that he was too late, or the fact that you didn’t stop him, didn’t notice the pleading look in his eyes as he silently begged you to stay with him.

iwaizumi froze when you told him how you felt. it was the smallest reaction you’d ever seen from him before, the calmest––yet it did anything but soothe you. you could see the hesitation in his eyes, the uncertainty of what to say next in the way his mouth opened but produced no sound. you already knew what he was going to say.

he will admit, seeing the tears in your eyes that you barely managed to blink back when he rejected you did strike a blow to his heart. but he just couldn’t tell you what you wanted to hear, he wouldn’t lie to you. “i––i’m sorry y/n i just...don’t feel the same.”

his eyes were apologetic, almost pitiful as he watched you take a step back, “right, right. that’s––that’s okay.” you tried to smile but it felt more like a grimace. “i just didn’t want to keep it to myself, that’s all. i’m sure i’ll get over it soon.” he nodded but wasn’t sure what else to say. so he didn’t say anything.

things were a little awkward for a couple weeks between the two of you, but you didn’t want to lose your friendship, so you eventually moved on.

it wasn’t until one day you were at the café you always went to together that you noticed him taking longer than usual to bring back your drinks. you looked over to see him chatting with the barista, both of them with nervous smiles on their faces. he came back a few minutes later with a note in his pocket that you assumed was the barista’s number and a blush on his cheeks. he placed your drink in front of you, eyes looking down, and didn’t mention anything, probably since he didn’t want to rub it in, so you didn’t bring it up either.

but you did wonder if they were the reason he didn’t feel the same for you––you wondered if they weren’t in the picture, if he would have fallen for you instead.

he didn’t want to hide anything from you, so he told you when he had a date coming up. you wished him luck and told him you hoped he’d have a good time and that was that.

they ended up dating but you didn’t mind. he seemed happy and you truly did want the best for him. you started focusing on yourself and eventually found a boyfriend, one who appreciated you and loved you and you couldn’t ask for more.

iwaizumi was happy for you as well, but he couldn’t ignore this piercing feeling he felt when he first heard the news, then when he would see you two together, on your double dates, at parties, anywhere, really. something just ticked him off. he knew he didn’t have a right to feel this way, but he couldn’t help it, couldn’t make sense of it. he couldn’t even figure out what it meant.

only once he realized the ache he felt in his chest when you smiled at your boyfriend the way you used to smile at him, the pull at his heart when you kissed his cheek, completely enamored. only then did he realize that he was jealous, that he’d made a mistake, that he’d lost the one chance he had of being with his soulmate.

osamu had just gotten his new restaurant, he was achieving his goals, living his life without fear, and you took inspiration from that. you decided to be upfront about your brewing feelings and ask him out just as he put the finishing touches in the establishment.

he was wiping down the counter as you sat at the bar, swallowing your nerves as you watched him. “hey samu?”

he hummed and glanced up at you for a second before looking back to what he was doing.

you took a deep breath, “would you maybe...want to go out to eat tomorrow?”

he didn’t look up, but his brows furrowed, “yeah? why are you even asking?”

you paused, of course he wouldn’t realize what you meant, you guys ate together all the time. you blinked a few times before clearing your throat, “um i just––i meant as a...date?”

this time, he paused, well more like froze. he kept his eyes on the counter, his face blank, but you could tell he was internally processing everything. did he hear you right? “what?”

you considered taking it back, but you had a feeling he did hear you, he just wasn’t sure how to respond. “um...i asked if you wanna go on a date? with me...”

he nodded and straightened up, “right.” he brought a hand up to scratch the back of his head, finally looking at you and the look in his eyes was enough to make your wavering confidence crumble. “i sort of have my eye on someone else right now...” you nodded, trying not to let the tears form in your eyes. he went on, “my new neighbor needed to borrow something and we got to talking...was thinking of asking them out, actually.” that was the final twist of the knife.

“oh...” your voice was small ”thats––that’s great!” you smiled but kept your eyes cast down, “forget what i asked i just...wanted to see what you’d say haha,” you tried to play it off as a joke, “i got you!”

he stared at you silently for a few seconds, clearly contemplating whether or not he believed you, but in the end, he let it go.

you never brought up that night ever again, but you thought about it constantly. it haunted you, in a way. of course the one time you’re finally able to speak up about your feelings, it backfired.

you were in a very upsetting and self deprecating headspace for a while, wondering if this was your sign to never make the first move, if you were the problem. it took you a little while to snap out of it, but once you did, you realized your worth and stopped looking at the world through a grey lens––you felt like you’d bloomed as a person.

things didn’t go very far with osamu and his neighbor, but you didn’t take that as an opportunity to try again with him, you didn’t want to wait around for him, even though you thought about it for a second at first––you learned to respect yourself more.

meanwhile, your best friend was beside himself, going through the process of reflection and realization. it’s not that he was desperate after a failed relationship, it’s more so that he suddenly realized he had someone perfect right by him all these years––it only made sense. but he was too stupid to realize that, to realize that he cared about you as more than a friend. he had foolishly mistaken his feelings for you as caring for a friend––you two had been inseparable since you were kids, he couldn’t even notice when his feelings shifted from caring for a friend to loving his best friend.

he decided to talk to you about it, it’d only been a few months since you’d joked? about going on a date with him, but part of him felt confident that you might have meant it for real. he was sure you’d be open to it still. he called you during his break at work and found himself smiling as soon as he heard your voice.

“hey samu what’s up?”

he started to answer, but he trailed off when he heard you laughing at an unfamiliar voice in the background. “hey...just wanted to talk. what are you uh up to?”

he heard you shush whoever was with you. “nothing much.” he heard you sit down.” i can’t stay for long but what did you want to talk about? i’m all ears.”

he was going to brush it off, maybe it was just a friend, but when he heard a faint ‘babe’ and what sounded like a small kiss on the other end, that was all he needed to confirm his suspicions. “yeah i just...i’ll actually call you back later, okay?”

you paused on the other end, most likely confused, but you let him go nonetheless.

osamu sat there in his office at the back of his restaurant, surrounded by silence, complete disbelief and an indescribable ache running through his body. was he really too late?

#haikyuu #haikyuu angst #haikyuu blurbs #haikyuu drabbles #kuroo #kuroo x reader #kuroo angst #kuroo blurb #kuroo drabble #iwaizumi #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi blurb #iwaizumi angst #iwaizumi drabble #osamu #osamu x reader #osamu angst #osamu blurb #osamu drabble

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natsfirecat · 3 years

Note

Okay! Here’s my request:

Natasha x asexual reader (female),where Natasha confesses her feelings for the reader, but the reader reluctantly rejects her. So after turning down Natasha’s declaration of love, the reader can’t stand seeing Natasha all beaten down and upset, so the reader confesses that she is asexual, telling Natasha that she deserves to be with someone who can give her everything and satisfy her needs. That the reader won’t be enough, no matter how much in love she is with Natasha. But little does the reader know, Natasha doesn’t want those needs, but you.

What do you think? 😃🖤💜🤍

Enough

pairing: Natasha Romanoff x asexual fem reader

word count: 3.5k

summary: much to her dismay, r has to reject her crush, natasha

warnings: swearing, drinking, mentions of sex and sexual attraction, lmk if i need to add any more

A/N: thank you for this request! i love writing for asexual reader sm! i hope you like it, and remember that aces are valid and amazing! :D

also not proofread very well. i'm tired and too lazy rn lmao

You fiddled with your ring, staring blankly at the wall. You had just gotten home from a mission, and needed some time to rest up.

The mission had gone well, you went with Natasha. Your task was to stop a HYDRA attack on civilians. Everything went as planned, and there were no casualties.

Now that you were back, all you wanted to do was rest up and relax.

So, you did just that.

You only woke a few hours later because of Natasha calling you, saying that you had to debrief the mission.

So you reluctantly got out of bed, and made your way to the meeting room.

Fury was there, reading files, and Natasha sat in her usual seat. Her face lit up when you walked in, then she waved and motioned for you to sit down.

As Fury started going over the mission, you just gave short, straight to the point answers to his questions.

It wasn’t until Natasha gave a detailed summary that he let you leave.

While walking out the room, she stopped you.

“Are you going to Tony’s party tonight?”

“Wanda’s making me,”

She laughed, knowing that you most definitely would not be going to a social gathering unless one of your friends forced you.

“Well, I think it’ll be fun. I’ll see you there,”

You were about to shrug and go on a rant about how Tony’s parties were very much overrated, but she simply waved goodbye and made her way down the hallway back to her room.

You were about to do the same before you felt someone tap your arm from behind.

You whipped around, then grinned to see Carol.

“You’ve been back and haven’t seen me yet?”

“Sorry…” you muttered, suddenly feeling guilty.

“You can make it up to me by getting me food,”

You rolled your eyes, then agreed, knowing you would get yourself food too.

She gave you a satisfied smile before beginning to walk down the steps towards the garage of cars.

She stepped into the driver’s seat of course, while you followed behind in the passenger’s seat.

“IHOP?” She asked, despite the fact that it was 3:00 in the afternoon.

“Yes!”

“Great, you’re buying!”

You rolled your eyes, already knowing she would say that.

“So how’d the mission go?” She asked.

“It was fine, nothing exciting happened.

“As soon as we convince Fury to let you come to space with me for missions, things will get a lot more exciting for you,”

You smiled, then chuckled at her statement.

She would talk to you about space all the time, and you had often expressed interest in it. So she took it upon herself to make a slideshow presentation about why you should be allowed to go with her to space. It still needed some work, but she was absolutely planning on presenting it to Fury when it was done.

“Where will you take me?”

“Well we’d start off with something close, maybe not exit the galaxy neighborhood quite yet,”

You laughed again, looking forward to your space adventures with your best friend.

Carol had eaten about a quarter of her food before she broke the silence,

“So I heard you tell Natasha that you’re going tonight,”

“Yeah,” you said with a shrug, choosing to stare at your pancakes instead of making eye contact.

“Well that’s good, maybe you guys can talk and…”

“And what?” You were beginning to get a little irritated.

“Oh come on! We both know how you feel. Why can’t you just talk with her about it?”

“You know why, Carol,” you said as you subconsciously began to fidget with the black ring you always wore on the middle finger of your right hand.

She sighed, not wanting to fight you on this. So she went back to eating her pancakes, and didn’t say another word about it to you.

As you reluctantly promised, you were at the party that night. Not wanting to engage too much, you stood off at the edge of the room, taking a small sip of your drink.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Wanda and Natasha talking. You thought nothing of it, until you saw Wanda wink at her.

You turned your head to the side, then accidentally made eye contact.

Quickly shifting your gaze to the floor, you took another sip of your drink to hide your embarrassment.

You then decided to walk away, not wanting to create any more awkward tension.

You made your way into the next room until you almost bumped into Sam, who gave you a weird look as he stepped away from you.

“You alright, L/N?” He asked.

“I’m good!” You told him, quickly walking away.

When you finally got to the corner of the other room, you took a deep breath. You finally let yourself relax against the wall, away from the person you wanted to avoid tonight.

You closed your eyes for a minute, pretending you weren’t here.

For just a moment, it worked; you weren’t a loud, crowded party. You were just happy in your room watching movies and eating popcorn. No one was bothering you, and you didn’t have to worry about anything.

Unfortunately, your moment didn’t last.

Your eyes opened again when you heard your name called several times. Standing in front of you, was Natasha.

You noticed both Wanda and Carol standing at the door, watching the both of you.

“Hi, Y/N,” she said, her voice shakier than normal. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about, can we talk somewhere more private?”

You nodded, then began to follow her back the way you came until you were in another hallway that didn’t have anyone in it.

“Y/N,” she began. “I’ve always liked you as a person, I think you’re brilliant on the field, and I just love being around you. I feel these things around you, and it’s scary. But there’s something between us, I can feel it, and I think you feel it too. I’d like to explore these feelings, so… would you want to go out together… on a date?”

You let out a sigh as your heart dropped. You felt tears coming to your eyes as you thought about what she was saying to you. As much as it would hurt both of you, you had to do it.

“I’m really sorry, Natasha, but no. I can’t.”

“Oh-” she was taken aback from your response, unable to hide the disappointment in her voice. “This was stupid, you’re right. I’m sorry for even asking in the first place, I-” she couldn’t even finish her sentence before walking off, leaving you alone.

Two days later, Natasha had barely left her room. She stayed under the covers, mostly trying to sleep. Of course, it eventually turned into hours of staring at the ceiling while her stomach was in knots.

So, she took a sip from the bottle of vodka she brought up to her room, and leaned back against the headboard.

As soon as she felt tears forming in her eyes, she grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. She watched the saddest movies and TV shows she could think of, and ended up finishing the entire bottle.

If she was going to be sad and cry, it would be from too much drinking while watching sad stuff. It wouldn’t be from you. Natasha refused to let herself cry over a simple rejection.

But it wasn’t a simple rejection.

She’s had these feelings for you for months.

Your smile has made her heart flutter since your first mission with her. She vividly remembers the way your eyes lit up when you found out you were paired with her.

The two of you ended up working so well together. At the end of the mission, you held both your hands up for a double high five. The gesture confused her at first, but she eventually gave in and placed her hands against yours. That’s when you gave her the same smile that still gives her butterflies.

She didn’t even start to notice it until a few months ago, when Clint called her out on it. He noticed that your name was brought up in their conversations a lot. So he blatantly asked her what her feelings for you were.

Of course, she denied everything at first. You were just a friend who was nice to work with. Nothing more.

She didn’t fully realize it until Wanda called her out on it too.

You were eating breakfast, and Natasha’s eyes never left you. You exchanged smiles a few times, and the butterfly feeling in her stomach kept growing.

Wanda saw, feeling a smile grow on her face as she glanced between the two of you. Of course, her powers made this even more fun for her.

While she didn’t usually like to invade people’s private thoughts, especially her friends’, Natasha’s thoughts were loud. Yours too.

So after you got up, and waved goodbye to the both of them, Wanda immediately cornered Natasha. Normally, she wouldn’t do something like that to the assassin, but she felt okay with it considering that her thoughts of you softened her up a bit.

“So, when are you planning on asking Y/N out?” She asked her.

“What are you talking about?”

“You guys would make such a good couple, you should ask her out!”

“Absolutely not! We’re just friends,”

Wanda let out a huff, then rolled her eyes.

“You seem to forget that I’m a telepath,”

This time, Natasha rolled her eyes at her.

“Stay out of my head, Maximoff,”

And with that, she walked away, not wanting to talk about it any longer.

Of course, Wanda had other plans.

The next week, she made mental notes of how the two of you would interact. No matter how much you both denied it, she knew you had feelings for each other.

While you smiled around everyone, you smiled the most around her. Your eyes would light up, and you’d be grinning from ear to ear. And your smile would usually cause her to reciprocate it. She rarely smiled, but she was okay with you seeing her smile.

On top of that, Wanda noticed all the small gestures you would do for each other.

She would pack your bag for missions often, and you would share your food with her.

While both of those things could be seen as platonic, she knew better. You definitely had feelings for each other.

So when she brought it up to Natasha again, she couldn’t even deny it this time.

“Tell anyone, and I’ll make you feel pain you didn’t even know could be felt,” Natasha threatened her.

Wanda nodded, promising that she only wanted to help her.

Eventually, the assassin gave in and let her plan the whole thing out.

It would work out in the end, it had to.

Now, Natasha let out a growl of frustration as Wanda entered her room.

“Can you at least knock?”

“I’m worried about you, Nat,”

Despite her glares, Wanda continued walking towards her until she sat down on the foot of her bed.

“Why do you even care? You lied to me, you said it would work!”

“I really thought it would, I’m so sorry. But you can’t keep yourself locked in here, we’re all worried about you,”

“I can’t face her after I humiliated myself like that. Why would you tell me she had feelings for me too? You said you could tell from her thoughts, but she clearly doesn’t see me that way. Now I’ve probably ruined my friendship with her too.”

“I don’t know why that happened,”

“Please, just leave me alone.”

Letting out a disappointed sigh, Wanda realized this would get her nowhere. Natasha still needed a bit more time.

As she saw her friend leave the room, she finally allowed the tears to fall again.

She hated herself for it, but maybe she actually was crying over you.

It wasn’t like you were doing any better.

You only left your room to train with Carol, and to bring food back up to your room since you didn’t want to eat with everyone else.

You couldn’t help but notice the way Wanda glared at you when you passed her in the hallway. You ended up glaring right back, surprised by her sudden hostility towards you.

The two of you had been relatively close, but she was especially close with Natasha. You knew you had hurt her with your rejection, but in the end, you were doing her a favor.

She’d understand that eventually, and hopefully, so would Wanda.

For now, you lay in bed. You were clinging tightly onto your pillow, letting a few sobs escape.

Even though you knew the rejection was for the best, for both you and Natasha, it didn’t make it hurt any less.

You were only saving the both of you from future heartbreak. It would be worth it eventually. Soon enough, you’d both get over it and go back to being the friends you once were.

However, now you continued crying into your pillow.

You wished you could just turn feelings on and off with a switch, but you couldn’t. It would make things so much easier if these feelings didn’t exist in the first place.

You had tried to suppress and deny them at first.

You ignored the way you felt yourself smiling more at her. You ignored the way you felt like you were on top of the world when she returned your smile. You ignored the way your stomach turned into a knot of nerves whenever you touched; whether it was a full on hug or just fingers brushing past each other in the hallway.

When she sat next to you on movie night though, closer than she normally did, that’s when you realized you couldn’t ignore the feelings anymore.

You wanted to completely close the distance between the two of you, and snuggle completely into her. You wanted to kiss her, and hold her tight. You wanted everything to do with her.

But you couldn’t have her, and it hurt like hell.

After another two days, Carol came barging into your room.

“Y/N, what the fuck?” She said, getting straight to the point.

Your eyes widened, but you said nothing as she sat down and glared at you.

“You’ve been sulking for days, and haven’t done anything about it,”

You shrugged, sinking back father into the bed.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Talk to her!”

“No! I’m just gonna stay here until my feelings go away,”

“Y/N, I love you, platonically, but sometimes you’re the dumbest person I know,”

“Thanks, Carol,”

“Your feelings aren’t gonna magically go away like that. If you don’t wanna date her, then at least talk to her so you can both have some closure on this!”

“I can’t, she’d never understand and it’d just be a whole thing, and I don’t want that,”

“You explained it to me and I understood,”

“Well yeah, cuz it doesn’t affect you at all. It affects her because it’s the reason I can’t be with her,”

“Have you ever thought to consider that maybe she wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course she’d mind, Carol,”

Sighing, your best friend decided she wasn’t gonna win this battle today.

Despite her anger towards you, she still reached over and hugged you before getting up and leaving.

Once again, you were left alone in your own misery.

You began to fidget with your ring, staring at the flag on your wall. The black, grey, white, and purple colors stood out against the wall, adding a nice touch to your room.

You were obviously proud and unashamed of who you were, but that didn’t change the fact that so many people didn’t understand it. So it was just easier to not bring it up. Maybe one day you could find someone like you, who’d understand.

Tears began to fill your eyes as you thought about Natasha. You hated that you had to do this.

You weren’t even sure if you would be able to salvage your friendship at the end of this. That just made everything worse.

You lay back down again, clinging onto the pillow once more.

You remembered the way you felt when Natasha first smiled at you. You remembered the happiness she made you feel. You remembered just how much you wanted to be around her.

Luckily, your thoughts of misery finally stopped when you managed to fall asleep.

The next day, Carol dragged you out of your room. Literally dragged, she grabbed both your wrists and pulled you out of the bed until you hit the floor.

“Ow! What the fuck?”

“No more sulking, you’re getting up and not coming back to your room until tonight. Let’s go,”

You sighed in defeat, then stood up, following her out of your room.

She dragged you downstairs to the kitchen, where she already had breakfast laying out for you.

As annoyed as you were with her, you definitely thought it was sweet that she was going through all this effort for you.

So you sat down and began eating, forcing a smile. You were still hurting, but for now, you could fake it in front of your friend.

She sat down next to you, and seemed satisfied.

You gave a small smile, then continued eating.

It was progress.

When Natasha finally came down, you were the last person she expected to see. Her bloodshot, puffy eyes widened as she saw you with Carol.

She immediately looked away, not wanting to face you, especially like this.

Unfortunately for her, you had already made eye contact for a moment. You took in her appearance, letting out a deep exhale.

She refused to say anything, then turned around as if she had never been there in the first place.

As soon as she left, you turned back to Carol.

“I really messed up, didn’t I?”

As much as the logical part of your mind tried to convince you not to do this, the other part was currently making you.

So now, you stood outside Natasha’s bedroom, hand hovering over the door, prepared to knock.

You took in a few deep breaths, trying to prepare yourself. Just as you were about to knock, the door swung open before you were ready.

“Y/N?” Natasha didn’t expect to see you after what happened. “What are you doing?”

“Can we please talk?”

She frowned, thinking about what happened the last time you two talked. But, she opened the door wider, letting you in.

You walked over to her bed, waiting for her to nod, giving you permission to sit down.

“I just wanted to start off by saying that I’m really sorry for this, for hurting you like that,”

“You don’t need to apologize. You can’t change how you feel.”

“I know, but here’s the thing; I have feelings for you too,”

Her eyes widened in both shock and confusion.

“Then why’d you say no?”

You took in a few more deep breaths, preparing yourself.

“I’m asexual,” you finally got out. “While I feel romantic attraction to you, and really like you, I’m not sexually attracted to you. I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”

She tilted her head to the side, but continued listening as you went on.

“So as much as I do like you, it’s not fair for us to be together. You deserve someone who can give you everything you want and need in a relationship, and I can’t do that.” You told her, trying to prevent yourself from crying. “No matter how much I love you, I won’t be enough,”

That’s what broke you, causing the tears to stream down your face as they had so many times within the past few days. Telling her everything you had been thinking, and finally getting it out.

You noticed a few tears forming in her eyes as she sat down next to you, wrapping her arm around your shoulder.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said. “I wish you had told me earlier, though,”

“I know, I’m sorry,”

“You’re wrong though,”

“About what?”

“You are enough for me, Y/N. I don’t care about sex, I just want you.”

“Really? You mean it?”

“Of course I do,”

You let out a gasp, then turned and wrapped both your arms around her, leaning in between her chest and neck.

“You’re okay with kisses though, right?”

You smiled, then leaned in and crashed your lips against hers. That certainly answered her question.

It felt like a weight was lifted off the both of you. You loved being like this with her, lips connected and arms wrapped around one another. You never wanted to let go.

When you had to break apart for air, Natasha smirked at you.

“So how about that date now?”

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6lackfiction · 3 years

Text

A Little Jealous

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, Smut, Sex Acts, 18+

Plot: You finally meet Chris’ friends but he doesn’t like it when you start to flirty with one of them, he wants to punish you and he does.

“You’re shaking” he clasped your hands holding them tight “don’t be nervous they’ll love you I promise”

You sighed looking up at him, he kept saying that to you throughout the day and a part of you doubted it, meeting your boyfriend’s friends is terrifying and you were afraid that they wouldn’t like you but you didn’t want to back out now after seeing him so happy when you agreed to join him “Ok you’re right, let’s just get this over with”

“That’s the spirit” he chucked as he climbed out of the car and came round to your side.

He held your hand firmly as you approached the home, you noticed how insanely big it was and before either of you were at the from door you heard the sound of the music booming which eased you a lot and you were secretly grateful for

“God he said it wasn’t a party” he groaned, thumping his fist against the door. After he reached to open the front door which was already unlocked.

“Joe you said a small gathering!” He yelled into the house over the music when his eyes landed on his friend.

“You know me, I can’t help it” he stretched his arms out giving Chris a bear hug, he moved to the living room and gestured with his head for you and Chris to follow him

“CHRIS!” Bellowed the group of people in the living room, Chris took you around the room where there were a chorus of greetings from his friends who then quickly went back to their own conversations.

“She’s a little nervous” Chris pointed to you when he noticed you weren’t making conversation with the last of his friends he was introducing you to.

You tossed him a disapproving look, mortified because you weren’t a conversationalist like Chris and that always made you self conscious.

“I doubt it, it’s probably just because you talk so much and no one can get a word in edgewise” one of the women remarked making the others laughs and you joined in leaning into him teasing.

“Come sit with us” she patted the couch “before he chews your ear off about some sports stuff”

Chris scoffed, rolled his eyes and stormed off leaving you all laughing again and taking the seat that was offered to you.

His friends were nice and funny, they sensed your nerves and instead of asking you questions about your personal life you all talked about the one thing you had in common which was Chris. You occasionally glanced back at him where you saw him eyeing you carefully and giving him a small smile letting him know you were ok.

You sat back for the most part listening to all their childhood stories and you thought about what Chris must have been like when he was younger. They argued after having realised they had different version of the same events, you envied how close they all were and the amount of memories they shared. A few left the couch to get some drinks including the woman who offered you a drink and you were then left alone with his friend Mike.

Mike was hilarious, you got lost in conversation with him, he was so charming and flirtatious something you always liked in people. He had you cracking up most of the night telling you stories about times where Chris’ sister had convinced him to wear a dress and some makeup. You burst out laughing brushing you hand against his as your body shook with laughter.

“What are you guys talking about?” You jumped when you felt Chris sidle up next to you eager to know what you both were laughing at. He pulled you hand back from where it lay on Mike’s knee and held it in his hand firmly.

“You” you said in union, looking at each other and falling back in laughter

“We should probably get going, it’s late” he whispered in your ear squeezing your hand

“No, no we’re having so much fun” you gave him pleading eyes

“Yeah come on Chris, let your girlfriend hang out with me” he flashed his brows at him, smirking.

“We’re going” Chris stated tugging at your hand and pulling you up from the couch.

If you had any amount of strength you would have resisted him but Chris was way stronger than you, he might as well have picked you up. You waved your good-byes to his friends that were scattered all around the house and when you turned to wave good-bye to Mike he had pulled you away so fast you thought you were going to get whiplash.

“Jesus Chris, slow down” you breathed

“What so you can flirt with Mike more”

You almost didn’t hear it but when you did you stood still a few metres away from the car and when he noticed you weren’t moving he turned to you throwing his hands up in the air and furrowing his brows at you.

“Flirting with him?”

“Yeah, I saw the way you were laughing with him!” he spat bitterly, his voice echoing into the night air

You slapped you hand to your mouth but not before a small chuckle escaped

“You think this is funny” he moved to you

“No?” You snorted, a small grin flashing across your face.

He scoffed heading back to the car and you quickly followed him climbing into the passenger seat.

“Chris… honey I’m sorry” you put your hand over his “I’m not laughing I swear”

He started the car, keeping his eyes glued to the road and giving you the cold shoulder. The entire car ride Chris never said a word to you, never glanced at you and really committed to this silent treatment. You just couldn’t believe how jealous and it was a side of him you’d never seen yet and it kind of turned you on. He got possessive and annoyed just at the sight of seeing you getting along with his friend, something he wanted you to do you thought.

As soon as he turned the car into the drive, he still made no attempts to talk to you, just parking the car and getting out of the car.

“Seriously Chris” you narrowed your eyes following him into the house

He headed for the living room throwing himself on the couch and staring up at the couch, he sat up rubbing his head with his hands. You leaned against the door frame watching his movements for a few minutes before moving to pour yourself a glass of scotch and doing the same for him. You set it down on the coffee table in front of him and took a seat beside him, you planted a kiss quickly on his cheek before he could pull his head back.

“You’re really not talking to me” you spoke softly

When he didn’t respond or even look at you, you took that as your clue to leave, finding his behaviour really annoying and slamming your glass to the table you stormed out of the room. Usually you would stay up and wait for him to come to bed before you drifted off to sleep but you were so filled with anger the idea of sleeping next to him almost made you blood boil.

How dare you think you’d flirt with someone else, it’s not like he wasn’t a flirt and hated the attention he got from women. But you never brought it up and felt some type of way about it, you were pacing the bedroom stripping off your clothes and letting them drop to the ground before you crawled into bed. You soon drifted off to sleep despite all the anger and even when you felt the weight shift on his side of the bed.

You woke first groggy then letting your senses come back to you, you sigh a deep breath stretching out any tension as the memory of last night flooded you. You turn to your right remembering how he had the nerve to even sleep in bed with you last night and you yank the covers to your side deliberately depriving him of any warmth before getting out of bed in a fit.

You made as much sound as you possibly could, slamming the bathroom door, opening up the drawers loudly and shutting them again, stomping throughout the bedroom hoping all the noise would annoy him and disrupt his sleep. You watch him stir in his sleep slowly waking up and you left the room but not before slamming the bedroom door.

You roamed around the kitchen, pacing lightly, you tried not to be bothered by his behaviour but it was hard. You never thought of Chris as a jealous man and he never showed any jealousy like that before. You wondered if it was some red flag that you missed over the years you’d been dating, maybe the signs were always there and you never paid any attention to it. Something about it didn’t sit well with you and you leaned on the counter mulling it over, he ignored you from the moment you were in the car till you went to bed. That was so unusual, Chris hated going to bed angry so you knew that this must have really gotten to him.

You felt yourself getting annoyed again, did he really think you were flirty or would even think about cheating on him. What did that say about how he felt about you and how he saw you.

“You should learn to be more quiet” he grumbled brushing past you

You didn’t notice that he was even in the kitchen till his voice pulled you out of your thoughts

“Huh” you turned to him

“It was rude, I was sleeping”

“Oh I’m sorry, am I supposed to care” you were being petty for sure and didn’t care about it, he deserved it.

He glared at you flaring his nostrils “don’t piss me off”

“Or what, you’re gonna stop talking to me again. Oh I’m so scared” you mocked

He set down his cup of coffee and slowly approached you “you don’t wanna see what I’ll do”

The little flash of anger in his eyes let you know he was serious, you had gotten under his skin.

“What if I do?” you glared at him playfully

He took a few more steps to you until he had backed you to the counter and pressed himself against you. He gave you a smirk, bending down to kiss and lick your neck softly, he wrapped his arms around your middle pulling you to him sharply.

“Chris you can’t just-“

“What? Touch you” he dipped his head to you neck again sucking gently “I’ll do what I want” His hands slid to your thigh slowly reaching under your robe. “And what I want…” he trailed kisses along you jawline before capturing your lips “is you”.

He was gentle with you at first which had you thinking he wasn’t angry at you anymore before his hand snaked up to cup your skull, pulling your head back so you locked eyes with him. You gasped at the pressure and watched as that anger flooded his eyes again only for it to be replaced with arousal quickly. His loosened his grip and his hand slid down to your throat, your eyes widened as you waited for him to apply pressure but he never did. Instead he watched and felt you whimper against him nervous but you were also getting restless wanting more from him.

“I don’t like seeing you with other men” he gripped your hips harshly “You’re mine and only mine. Do you understand?”

You moaned your response but it didn’t satisfy him, his grip around your throat tightened

“Do you understand?” He asked again

“Yes…yes” you chocked out

He narrowed his eyes “I don’t believe you” He grabbed your waist quickly bending you over the counter. He pushed his pelvis into you and you let out a soft moan feeling his hard cock against you. He leaned into you , whispering in your ear “I think I need to show you”. You couldn’t see his face, only feel him touch all over you body, his warm breath against your ear and him getting harder the more you twisted your hips against him.

“I need to show you who you belong to” his voice rasped as you heard him unbuckling his belt, your breath hitched when the belt hit the floor and the clang rang through silent kitchen. He hiked up your robe so it fell bundled just above your ass, he ran his hand up from your thigh and soft moan escaped your lips.

“You see how wet you are” he slipped his finger inside you, you jerked arching your back as he crooked his finger hitting that spot you loved so much. You bucked your hips slowly with his pace reaching forward to grasp whatever you could to steady yourself. You were getting restless, desperate but he was having fun teasing you.

You groaned feeling his shaft slide up and down your slit. When he moved away you whimpered and whined at the loss aching for him. He teased your hole making sure to line his cock up nicely with you pussy, he waited moments before slamming into you without warning.

“Oh fuck” you cried out as he pounded into you more and more. His thrusts were rough, violent like he was trying to ravage you right there in the kitchen. While you tried your best to keep up with him, every time the tip of his cock hit your cervix you gasped and winced with both pleasure and pain.

The way he thrust into you told you he wanted you to scream him name loudly, it made it difficult for you to stay upright. He bent over you interlocking his fingers with you keeping you in place as he pushed in and out of you picking up the pace again. You felt his breath near your ear again and it drove you insane hearing him breathing heavily. You squeezed your pussy around his cock making his lightly gasp and then thrust into you harshly as punishment.

“Are you misbehaving again” he rasped against your ear, plunging into you harder. “God, you’re so fucking tight”, his lips latched on to your neck as his hands roamed your body.

Soon his hand went to your throat squeezing harshly, you knees started to buckle and all you fell from your lips were moans.

“I wanna hear you, tell me who you belong to” he panted heavily

“It-it’s you, I-i belong to you” you stuttered

“That’s right” he thrust into you burying himself deep inside you “you” he pulled back out teasing your hole “belong” he slowly pushed into you making you exhale deeply “to me” you let out a quiet low moan nearing your release at his words.

You knew he was close too as he movements became staggered, he was trying his best to hold on but it was growing to be difficult for him. You bucked madly crying out loudly, you wanted your release, you needed it.

“Yes, yes god yes” you chanted as you grew close

He pounded into you violently now grunting heavily with every thrust, he gripped you hips then moved his feet to spread your legs as best as far as you’d let him. You tightened around him, you cries bouncing off the walls. You screwed your eyes shut, reaching you hands back to feel for him, worried he’d move and leave you like this.

“Fuck” he grunted loudly still thrusting into you as you body trembled and shook from your orgasm. You yelled slamming you hands to the counter holding on for dear life as you hit your climax. You legs shook and bent inwards as you tried to close them but he didn’t let you. He held them apart still working towards his orgasm.

“Chris-“ you begged

“I’m not done with you yet” he pounded into you a few more times, giving you long strokes before he bent over you his orgasm building quickly. He was buried deep inside you and he was overcome quickly with pleasure. He let go of your legs letting you close them but still staying inside you. He reached up his head resting in the crook of your neck trialing kisses along your shoulder.

You both panted heavily and you struggled to form a deep breath as his body weighed heavy above you. He reached around giving you clit a flick making gasp beneath him, you were so sensitive to his touch. He slowly moved of you and you dared not move yourself letting him admire the view before you felt him pull you to him.

“I hope you’ve learnt your lesson” he smirked giving you a gentle smack as you walked past him “now get upstairs, I’ll be up soon”

~~~

Hope you enjoyed it, feedback is encouraged and appreciated.

#chris evans #chris evans x black reader #chrisevans #chris evans fanfiction #chris x reader #chris evans smut #chris evans imagine #cevans

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