#you absolute dumbass

[soufre-de-paris]

okay if i can polish off this chapter and then get the bones of another chapter down tonight then TOMORROW when we go get coffee i can write the thing i'm scared of writing WITHOUT having the opportunity to run away!

#paris midsummernight #i'm still heartbroken over #the book of the duchess #“…but like what happened to her?” #you absolute dumbass #you total fool #you poor sweet child #geoffrey chaucer #prince of my heart

[nourrris]

you know the thing youre reading is good if it makes you physically face palm

#how could you possibly misinterpate that #you absolute dumbass #(postively)

[transmascissues]

some people will really see elliot page simply existing and feel like it’s their right to say the weirdest shit about him. it’s really incredible (and i mean that in the most literal sense of fucking unbelievable) how openly these people admit that they think we exist solely to benefit them — no lives of our own, no autonomy. as far as they’re concerned, we’re just here to look pretty and have their babies, to decorate and populate their world.

this is why i really just have to laugh when someone tries to argue that transmasculinity is anti-feminist. can’t you see how much our mere existence makes the misogynists short-circuit? how much our transitions go directly against all of the expectations they put on us? transmasc transitions are in such direct opposition to their worldview that they resort to just treating us like we’re dead because our lives simply are not compatible with their version of how the world should be. we make ourselves so egregiously and irrevocably unfuckable to them that they’re actually going around unironically mourning the “loss” of our bodies.

#if you cant tell i havent had it in me lately to make big long posts #but i absolutely do have it in me to laugh at the dumbasses i come across on twitter #examples of transandrophobia #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia #trans men #transmascs

[spkyart]

Specialist

#HELLO KNY PEEPS DID YOU MISS ME #shoutout to me and all the clowns who are still happy about gettin 5 episodes #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demonslayer #demon slayer #digital art #genya shinazugawa #genya #kny genya #ibispaintx #inosuke hashibira #demon slayer inosuke #kny inosuke #inosuke #i laughed in the middle of the street when i got this thing in my mind #yall have to deal with me being a dumbass who think shes funny af #there are absolutely no rules in the ways shadows works in my drawinga

[essektheylyss]

I'm also still laughing that he really showed up, introduced himself as an Archivist of the Cobalt Soul, and then insinuated that they were going to go extrajudicially hunt down, capture, and "interrogate" a Cerberus Assembly Archmage. Sir, archivists do not do that kind of thing, least of all on their own, LEAST OF ALL with a bunch of random hooligans they were just sent to collect for an unrelated excursion. Quite honestly, that was the thing I kept going back to in evidence of, there is absolutely no way this is a legit archivist.

#sir you kNOW how the cobalt soul works #why didn't you use 'expositor' #'trained sorcerer' THE COBALT SOUL IS NOT TRAINING SORCERERS #SORCERERS DON'T GET TRAINED #you lying idiot. you absolute dumbass. you beautiful fugitive who has miraculously stayed alive for seven years. #I love him SO much #but actually his bit about his mother being a barmaid was actually deeply charming and that was the one moment I had a sliver of doubt #the way he delivered that bit was great and I do joke but he is a very good liar when he really needs to be #he's charming! he's got high charisma! he's a delight! he can spin a tale! #also honestly very funny for me personally. for tiefling fic reasons. #cr spoilers #essek thelyss #critical role

[egophiliac]

so on the subject of the "Crowley is secretly Revaan/Laverne/Levin/please Twst give us his name" theory, I think my feelings are best summed up as "I don't really buy it, but it's funny". like, in all seriousness, I'm not opposed to it; I have enjoyed the writing in Twst so far and I'm willing to trust that whatever happens will, you know, make sense and not be terrible. but I'm just not really convinced by the current evidence! maybe that'll change once we learn more, we'll see!

with that said, may I propose a few alternate theories about the possible Crowley/Revaan connection:

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #on this installment of things nobody asked but i'm going to talk about anyway #disclaimer that this is mostly a joke please don't get mad at me #(legit no shade to anyone) (speculation is one of the fun things about an ongoing fandom and you never know what'll turn out to be true!) #more seriously i do think there may be some connection that just isn't clear yet #but the more little breadcrumbs we get about what revaan was like the more i think crowley just doesn't act like him #i adore crowley don't get me wrong #(yes he's a dipshit. this is a feature not a bug.) #but like. #not to harp on the scene about lilia's nrc invitation (i am absolutely going to harp on it) #i do not believe that crowley would go through the trash to fish out the pieces and put them back together and save them #just because it was lilia's. just because lilia might want it again someday. #crowley can ✨yasashii✨ all he wants but we know what he's like #and i REALLY do not believe that lilia wouldn't recognize him. i didn't believe it before and i extra don't believe it now. #then again i do tend to be incredibly off about speculation so! who knows! i will trust the writing for now! #i do 100% believe that meleanor would fall in love with the world's biggest dumbass and then double down super hard. that part tracks. #that said i have decided that ambrose being revaan is actually the funnier option just because it would make crowley SO mad #it wouldn't make sense for him to be mad about it and that would just make him madder

[nightgoodomens]

Just sitting here waiting all pretty ready for my handsome demon to save me so we can have an excuse to go on a date

When he’s finally here

When he looks even hotter than you remember

When you pretend this is a totally serious situation

And a touch of good flirt

Time for lunch!

Mission accomplished.

#I love this scene with my whole being #absolute best quality #top tv #the flirt #so much flirt #I am in love with this #and the fact that it’s canon #ah Michael sheen you beautiful human #ah Aziraphale you absolute genius #I love how much he loves Crowley #good omens #crowley #ineffable fandom #good ineffable omens #ineffable husbands #ineffable boyfriends #ineffable dumbasses #ineffable idiots #ineffable lovers #aziraphale #aziracrow

[krazieka2]

FE Houses Doodles

#carrying over my posts from twitter choo chooooo #fe3h #fire emblem #2024 art #haha its the dummy nobles again #you cannot escape #hubert would absolutely hate being called a dumbass noble so he's included too #everyone else is just a cute gal trapped in a world of stupid uwu

[lesbianjamies]

Making up for lost time 💖

Bonus: Fuyu just a few weeks ago (lying her ass off)

#chaser game w #asianlgbtqdramas #asiandramasource #jdramasource #dailyasiandramas #asiandramaedit #japanese gl #hayashi fuyu #harumoto itsuki #right... fuyu you gay dumbass i love you so much #you are SO lucky itsuki absolutely ADORES YOU #myedit

[dizzybizz]

sleepy gill and gill with the bubbled evil cat

#hi remember when i thought i was in for a really bad bout of hsr fixation. lets see how thats going.. lets just check in and #oh . oh no. oh this was. this wasnt the plan. oh no #just roll with it #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #gill in pjs got to me ok. gill fighting in pjs got to me. the thought of gill sleeping in a barrel of water with pjs on got to me. #wheni tell you this fkn podcast is the only thing ive been thinking abt for the past few days dude what thef uck #theyre all so stupid they get up to so much bs its fkn great i lvoe the three of them so mcuh WHEHhghh >:'O #my art #i keep nearly forgetting that tag help??? #ive slowly been getting used to drawing them jsut you wait til i feel good abt the designs n shit ok its gonna be epic or smth #oop s its 1am soon whoopsies ehehee but like ..... the dumbasses... theyre in my head.. #there are so many stupid scenes i want to draw 😭😭😭😭😭 #im sorry to. my friends. for jsut . yknow. and everyone really #i wasnt ready for this 😭 idk what happened i just started going through eps so quickly all of a sudden and ive gone through like 12 eps in #2-3 days and i feel absolutely insane and i think abt them so much. theyve taken up all my time help

[lumensuperbis]

luffy deciding the only way to get out of the book prison is to rip off both his hands 🤝 zoro deciding that the only way to get out of the wax cake is to cut off both his legs

truly they are meant to be

#personal #one piece #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #zolu #zoro #luffy #they're always on the exact same dumbass page and i love that for them absolutely incredible #and poor nami just has to sit there both times like WHAT ARE YOU DOING that girl deals with so much lmao

[idk-bruh-20]

Irondad fic ideas #102

When Flash first overhears Peter talking about the "Stark Internship," he rolls his eyes and thinks, "Of course he'd go with that excuse at Midtown School of Science and Technology."

Whatever. Flash knows the truth. He's seen the car that Parker gets picked up in, seen the body guard / chauffeur and the absolutely insane amount of discrete safety tech he always has on. Flash is convinced that the whole orphan thing is just a cover story and Peter secretly has parents at least as rich and influential as Flash's own.

Maybe they're politicians or the mob or something, and that's why all the secrecy. Honestly, Flash is doing him a favor by bullying him all the time for being an unimportant orphan. It's the perfect cover. Maybe he'll even drop the ridiculous Stark Industries lie and come up with a more believable backstory soon.

Then, one day Flash and Peter end up in a kidnapping situation.

The kidnappers take Flash's watch, but they leave some of Peter's tech since it's better hidden. As soon as they're alone, Flash expects Peter to hit that panic button and get them the hell out of there.

Only... he doesn't? Did Peter learn nothing from K&R training? Flash reaches over and hits the secret panic button 3 times immediately, no hesitation. Peter is shocked. Flash is like, "Oh come on, I obviously know your secret."

He's kind of curious and excited now to see who Peter's secret parents are, once the cops get them out of there.

He is not at all prepared when Iron Man bursts through the door.

He's even less prepared when Tony Stark steps out of the suit and totally freaks out at Peter, hugging him and checking for injuries.

... maybe he's finally met Peter's secret parent after all.

#flash: honestly this makes the internship lie even WORSE wtf were you thinking? #no one believes you anyway but if they did they'd be so close to the truth. you moron. you absolute dumbass #irondad fic ideas #flash redemption sort of #flash: also if your panic buttons go to iron man WHY did you not hit them I M M E D I A T E L Y ??? #peter: .....I didn't wanna bother him #flash: WE WERE BEING KIDNAPPED???? #tony: I know this is your bully kid but I must say he has some valid points #iron dad #spider son #irondad #spiderson #iron dad and spider son #irondad and spiderson #flash thompson #peter parker #tony stark #fic ideas still postponed but you can send asks if you want i just won't see them for a while #see announcements

[afterartist]

IVE DONE IT!! (not exactly sure what it is in this situation but it sure is done)

Rumble n Frenzy would bully screamer any chance they get

Soundwave on the other hand needs payed vacation because that man has to put up with so much crap

#seekers have talons and I will not change my mind on this #I was one of th people cheering on SW in Skybound because honestly he deserves to snap #as a little treat to himself #decepticons #cassetticons #transformers #transformers g1 #transformers idw #i ship soundstar in an old toxic married couple kind of way #rumble and frenzy #with cassettes like you who needs autobots #I still have absolutely no clue how to tag for the TF fandom yet #art #my art #fanart #animation #animatic #I never know what these count as #my dumbass had to search up how to spell chauffeur correctly 3 times while making this #sorry to all of my followers that know nothing about Transformers #decepticons are my toxic found family and I hold them like precious stones #I also put them in my mouth and crunch them like precious stones

[jadewritesficshere]

Painting

Modern!Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Contains: nudes, mutual masturbation, phone sex

18+ only

Eddie flopped face down onto his mattress with a sigh. After working all day, playing at the Hideout, and then hauling all of the bands' equipment, he was wiped. He wanted nothing more then to smoke and go to sleep. His phone pinged with a notification. A contact under the name "Loser" had messaged him, causing a split second of confusion before a lazy grin spread across his face when he realized it was you (he had forgotten he changed it when high). You had been unable to come see Corroded Coffin play tonight as you had made previous plans.

Loser: How did it go?? Good?? Bad??

Loser: Was that one chick who wants to be a groupie there??

Eddie: went ok. Y u jealous?

Loser: just curious lol

Eddie: sure. Wbu?

Loser: Good! Robin and Nancy came. We had a nice dinner. We did paintings! Robin's looks better then mine. Mine looks like shit 😔 now just taking a bath and relaxing.

Eddie: show me?

Loser: lol no???

Eddie: y not? I'm sure it good

Loser: you sure?

Eddie: yes

Loser: fine

Eddie doubted your painting looked bad. You always tore yourself down, even when you did amazing things. He always wanted to throttle you, but knew he would be a hypocrite if he did. Eddie rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling. He would convince you one day that you were awesome, but until then he would just have to keep reminding you. His phone dinged with a new message from you. He opened it and saw a picture attached and-

Immediately dropped his phone. His heart picked up speed. His eyes widened and face flushed. Eddie dove for the phone as if it were a life preserver and he was drowning. He couldn't believe his eyes. He licked his lips and stared at his phone.

A picture from your neck down. Bubbles in the bath around you. Water was running down your collarbone towards your tits. Your nipples barely covered by the bubbles. One boob having no bubbles around it at all, but your hand flipping him off blocked him from seeing more. He was greedy. He wanted to see more, and had never imagined you would send him this to begin with. Eddie looked down at the tent that had formed in his boxers.

Loser: ask nicely next time 😤

Eddie groaned and his dick twitched. You had totally misunderstood him, he had wanted to see your painting- of course he was more then glad for this outcome. However, he couldn't quite unsee what you had sent, nor would he want to. Eddie reread your text. Next time means more than just this once. Means maybe he could see more. Means maybe he has a better shot with you then he thought. He already overthought things with you many times, and now his brain had just switched to overdrive.

A million thoughts ran through his head as his hand traveled south. He paused briefly," Oh fuck it." He grabbed his dick over his boxers, causing the outline to be very noticeable. He took a pic before sending it to you. He would have felt bad about not sending a message with it, but he would have sat there for ages trying to think of a response. And he couldn't find it in himself to care as he pressed lightly against his dick.

He dropped his phone on his stomach. All Eddie could think about was you as he pulled his dick out of his boxers. Your soap covered tits. How beautiful they looked.. He licked his hand before slowly grasping his dick and squeezing the base, causing the tip to flush more. The pressure causing him to moan. He slowly stroked up and down his length. He picked up the pace, canting his hips up to meet his hand. Part of him wanted to go slow, but the rest of him wanted to get this over with quick so he could do it again and again and again. His chest heaved and sweat started to form on his brow. A sigh fell from his lips that quickly turned to a moan at the thought of it being your hand wrapped around him. How small your hand would look on his dick. How-

His stomach tensed and he jolted as his phone started vibrating and your ringtone played. The vibrations on his lower stomach felt so good, he was tempted to let it keep playing, but the urge to hear your voice was stronger. With his free hand he grabbed the phone and answered. "H-hello?" Eddie asked, panting into the phone. "Oh fuck, Eddie," your voice higher than normal sounded like music to his ears. Eddie moaned and your response was a whimper. "Fuck babe, see what you do to me?" Eddie's voice felt like sandpaper, he was surprised he could even find words. "Uh-huh." The sound of water splashing caught Eddie's attention," holy shit. Are you touching yourself?" "Wish it were you."

Eddie's mind went fuzzy as he picked up speed. The schlick noise picking up, his mind filtering out everything except your moans. "Sound so good. Wish I was there." Eddie mumbled, feeling his tip leaking generously. He was so close. "Fuuuck Eddie I'm gonna-" your sentence was cut off with a moan and he lost it. His hips bucked without rhythm and cum spurted everywhere. He never understood the phrase of people seeing stars behind their eyes until now, but they were more like fireworks. He had never cum this much in his life, not even when he had first found porn.

He slowly came back down, a euphoric feeling enveloping him. A warmth spread in his chest as it heaved, trying to catch a breath. He looked down and saw his shirt covered with his release. Your chuckle pulled him back to earth. "Uh so that happened...so whatcha gonna do about it Munson?" He hummed," Think i should ask you for a date." "You should."

Eddie had the biggest grin when you finally got off the phone, date planned for Friday night. He looked down at your contact name before changing the s to a v. He was going to find that painting you did and make sure it hung over his bed, so he could remember this night forever.

#Eddie eventually tells you about the misunderstanding and you just become more and more embarrassed #You asked him to delete the pic out of embarrassment and he goes on and on about how it is art and how beautiful it is and refuses #He later comes back to you and tells you if you want him to delete it he will and you just laugh and tell him to keep it #He agrees tho that your painting does suck to which you say “yeah I do” and give him a pointed look and he doesn't catch on #Until you huff and grab him and look him in the eyes and flat out tell him what you're offering #Shoutout to my friend who did this to me (it was a clothed pic tho) and I went BRO? and immediately clarified #But it started this thought and it wouldn't shake me loose until I wrote it so here yall go #Idk how to end things and idk how to write smut so take this and do with it as you will #My dumbass over here getting too lost in my own mind to write well fjdjsls #Eddie Munson #Modern!Eddie Munson #Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson/reader #Eddie Munson x y/n #Eddie Munson x you #Eddie Munson/you #Eddie Munson smut #Eddie Munson x female!reader #Stranger Things #Also Eddie absolutely uses only text speech and you get frustrated with it #Jade is Talking

[ghouljams]

I wish to hear more about Murphy the feed store guy who is apparently getting freaked out by König paying full price

Murphy is like 70 years old and owns the feed store. The store has a name but nobody uses it because the sign is so old and the paint is so worn that everyone just calls it by the owner's name. "Murphy's" easy. The only thing that's really of note about Murphy or the store is that Murphy loves to haggle.

See every item in the store is slapped with a hilariously high price tag, so high that any farmer with half a brain would look at it and go, "Now hold on, that don't look right to me." But this is Murphy's design. Everyone in town knows that if you go to the feed store you gotta be prepared to haggle, gotta be prepared to stick to your guns and not wilt under Murphy's overgrown catapillar brows and eager grin. It's Goose's favorite part of shopping, and the rest of the 141 find out on their first trip to Murphy's what is expected and why.

One man in town has not gotten the memo. One man is trying to be polite and just pay Murphy for his wares. One man is 7 feet tall and stares Murphy down in a way that makes his stomach churn when he tells him he is happy to pay full price.

"You're sure I can't interest you in a discount?" Murphy asks hesitantly. König tips his head forward looking at the neatly notated order list and the prices. He looks back at Murphy, eyes boring holes into him, expression unreadable behind the bandana mask.

"Nein, I am sure you are asking what is fair." Murphy feels his stomach drop, is this guy trying to intimidate him? Is he trying to say something about his pricing practices? Murphy dabs his forehead with a handkerchief.

"You're a loyal customer, a discount would be-" König holds up a hand to stop him.

"You are very kind, but I am sure you need the money more than I do." Jesus christ. Murphy is starting to sweat. Is this guy trying to say the store is in disrepair? That he thinks business is bad?

"Hey buddy, you a fuckin' moron or what?" Moon asks behind König. Murphy sweats more watching König turn to face her. His eyes sweeping high and then tipping his head down to look at her. König's eyes narrow.

"Ah, hello sister." König says pleasantly, Moon stares up at him with all the patience of a woman parked next to a fire hydrant, "I did not know nuns were allowed to swear."

Murphy tries to motion for Moon to absolutely not respond to that. She blows a bubble with her gum and snaps it at König. "I'll say a Hail Mary later," she tells him, "Who are you supposed to be? Zorro?"

Murphy says a quick prayer: please dear God do not let your disciple start another fight in his store, not with this giant man.

"König, and you are?" The giant asks, tipping his head to the side, his fingers twitching too close to his holster for Murphy's liking.

"You like moonshine König?" Moon pulls a flip phone from her pocket, ignoring König's question.

"I do not know what that is."

"Fantastic." Murphy motions again, desperately, for Moon to maybe stop with the sales pitch. Just for his own health. König turns to look at him mid gesture.

"This is very rude," he tells him, mimicking the gestures Murphy had made, "we are trying to have a conversation."

"Of course," Murphy tells him, holding his hands up placatingly, "don't mind me." König nods, Moon raises a brow at Murphy. It's weird seeing him like this, he's usually so commanding. She looks up at König who is waiting patiently for her to continue their conversation.

Oh she is going to upcharge the hell out of this dumbass.

#oc: Murphy #oc: Moon #cowboy!König #why did you want this? what do you care about Murphy #König is big and twitchy and doesnt blink a lot it freaks Murphy out #why the fuck are you comfortable paying 200% markup dude? #Moon does absolutely extort this man #texting Goose about the giant weirdo freaking Murphy out and paying full price #goose: lol dumbass how much are you gonna charge him for corn? #moon: sends along upcharged number #goose: that might actually be more illegal than the fact that youre distilling in the woods. dont do that #ghoul speaks

[bumblingbabooshka]

Janeway doesn't need a therapist when she gets back to the alpha quadrant she just needs Tuvok to tell her [in detail] the psychological observations he's made about her over the past 11 years and she can go from there <- Untrue but much more likely for her to agree to

#Janeway #Tuvok #Tuvok is NOT a therapist......he is NOT a doctor WHY is he making 'psychological observations' about her???? #TUVOK. You are already a security head - a scientist (was an science ensign) - a detective an orchid breeder AND a lawyer #Janeway & Tuvok are so 'it be two dumbass girls telling each other exaaaaactlyyyy' #Janeway: And so then he came up to me- #Tuvok: A moment. Where were you sitting? #Janeway: In my captain's chair. #Tuvok: So you weren't engaging with him. You were 'minding your own business' as it were. #Janeway: Absolutely. #I still think it's funny that Tuvok is a lawyer more than once on Voyager. He studied law???? Oh really??? Is that what you're telling me?? #He's head of security so he passed his bar exam??? Kangaroo court. CLOWN SHOES!!!! #Tuvok is going to diagnose you bc he's your bestie <3 [HIS ASS IS NOT QUALIFIED]