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log 20180326 #8

okay, i'm gonna be real honest.

i did fast yesterday but today i overate again. and honestly, i should be angry at me for not sticking to anything and messing up on one of my favourite games AND I WILL HAVE TO WORK ON IT FOR 2 DAYS AGAIN but i seriously am so relaxed right now.

eating chocolate ice cream, thinking about tomorrow's work...

ofmf course, i did purge tho just to overeat way worse again but tomorrow's i will probably deal with that. probably by fasting or something.

but i have much faith in her!!

#thinspo #mine #day8 #d8 #8 #eating disorder #weight loss #diet #fasting

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fun fact

listening to songs of troye sivan and looking at pictures of skies/stars/space/the galaxy/art related to it makes me calm down so much.

i’m shit at physics or astrology but i love stars!! the galaxy!!! the universe!!! it’s so pretty!! and there’s so much out there than we’d ever think!!!

the space is such a fascinating concept for me and i’m so in love with it!!

it always let’s me dream and no shitty physics ‘calculate how fast planet a rotates around planet b’ exercise will ever be able to take that away from me!!

space is so pretty♡♡♡

///

on the contrary, i love looking at the sea but i’d never want to actually go diving in there!!

i love swimming!! but being underwater with all the unknown animals, it instantly makes me anxious. i feel like i’m suffocating!!

///

i + space = it’s unknown, i love it!!

i + sea = it’s unknown, i don’t like it!!

this is just me rambling but i only wanted to explain why i always use gifs of the space.

it calms me down♡♡

- xoxo

#mine #rambles #day7 #d7 #7 #space #sea #universe #moon #sky #galaxy

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log 20180325 #7

okay. i overate again yesterday.

i hate myself more than i hate life. and. that's a lot.

so yea. i'll starve for 10 days now.

bling~ bli~ng☆

#mine #log #thinspo #weightloss #weight loss #eating disorder #diet #day7 #d7 #7

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log 20180324 #6, pt. 2

it's in my hands to make the decicions with the most advantageous outcomes so i'm now establishing the 600calories rule.

i'm allowed to eat 600calories a day and i case i can't stick to it (this will happen, 100% sure) the limit really is 1000 calories.

let's do our best!!

#thinspo #mine #day6 #d6 #6 #log #weightloss #weight loss #diet

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log 20180324 #6

not to be a person who constantly makes up excuses to be able to eat something (who i totally am) but i think i'll have to at least eat an apple and an egg a day.

since i've drunk like 8litres (literally) of water today, i'm reasonably scared of suffering from water intoxication (which is probably really unlikely since yesterday's sodium intake should be enough for half a month at least but i've been suffering from a terrible headache all-day long now which could also have something to do with the fact that i've been at the computer for like 6hours straight but anyways).

so i guess 'an apple n' an egg a day keeps water intoxication and possible binge-eating maybe away' it is.

off to eat an apple and an egg now!!

keep being in control, my pals♡♡

#thinspo #mine #day6 #d6 #6 #log #weightloss #weight loss #eating disorder #fasting

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log 20180323 #5

okay, long story short: i overate again. badly.

but i'm not in the mood for purging so that's that. i'm much more in the mood for throwing myself off a cliff but that's no option, i guess.

but since i'm a sad bitch, i won't give up here.

i curse myself to 5 days of fasting starting tomorrow and although i'm sure, i will start whining on day 2, i will once again try my best.

i'm blaming my momma's food this time.

but from monday to wednesday i'll be busy from 8.00am to 5.00pm so the chances of me actually sticking to the plan this time around are kind of good!!

cheering for y'all!!

xoxo

#log #day5 #d5 #5 #mine #thinspo #eating disorder #weightloss #weight loss #losing weight #fasting #food #food plan

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for 20180323, eating plan

i really have to get rid of everything i've eaten these past days, so i should really stick to this plan!!

eating period lasts from 4.00pm to 6.00pm because i know otherwise i'll mess up 100% sure!!

• 2 slices of bread//180calories

• 1 apple//100calories

• 1 more fruit//up to 170calories

don't let yourself get tempted into eating some of momma's food or into baking!!

i really wish to stick to my diet♡

#thinspo #mine #rambles #day4 #d4 #4 #eating disorder #weightloss #weight loss #food #plan #food plan

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log 20180322 #4, pt. 2

after various struggles, i think i found my way.

i should've acted on it sooner, but through several attempts at losing weight, i finally acknowledged that there ought to be a session of binge-eating after some days of fasting. for me at least.

so today, i stepped on the scale and it said '132 pounds' and, yea, of course i'm crazy mad at yesterday's me but i have to make the best out of it now.

so my goal of 110 pounds is kind of still really far away. but i'll try to believe in myself.

today, i've eaten 380 calories and i'm kinda okay with that.

starting now, i'll really try to do my best.

i even withstood baking a cake half an hour ago and i take pride in withstanding these temptations and i hope you all do, too!!

the key is planning so go out there.

be great and be successful!

be weightless!

#mine #log #day4 #4 #d4 #thinspo #diet #eating disorder #fasting #weight loss #weightloss

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log 20180322 #4

lmao i feel so bad for eating so much.

and i feel so gross. my tummy looks so ugly so i took the mirror down.

but i’ll be fasting til monday now and sometime today i’ll have to create an eating plan for next week or else i’ll just be crying and purging next week.

and i just opened up my first own bank account with my mum and seriously. i spaced out so hard. i can’t believe it actually happened.

ah, and i’m buying groceries with my mum right now.

cue unreasonable irritation kicking in.

xoxo

#mine #day4 #d4 #4 #log #thinspo #eating disorder #diet #fasting #weightloss #weight loss

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to you all out there struggling with your weight, too

i just ate way too much again and feel miserable. and i'd like to give up. i feel so mistreated for not having my perfect body and am so desperate.

but remember, even when you seem to lose: you can do better.

we weren't injected some cursed dna that won't let us control what we do.

it sounds rather simple although it isn't.

i allowed myself to eat 600calories again but ended about eating this times 10.

but this wasn't my last chance. let's get back up everytime !! let's begin again ! let's do it over and over again til we succeed.

because really, i think the day will come.

and i will look up at the sky, feeling light, and i'll be at peace and just so content even if just for this moment but it'll be totally worth it.

let's never lose sight of our goal.

i know, we can do it.

we are in control. always.

#mine #rambles #day3 #d3 #3 #thinspo #diet #eating disorder #binge eating #food #bulimia #anorexia #hope

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log 20180321 #3, pt. 4

okay, joke's on me: i didn't actually stop eating but overate again but i didn't purge so: dong! ding! achievement!!

but i'll really fast til monday now. 4days aren't as hard as 7 so let's stay motivated !!

we still are the only ones who have control over what we do.

#thinspo #day3 #d3 #mine #3 #log #diet #eating disorder #binge eating #food

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log 20180321 #3, pt. 3

nothing feels better than purging, right?

i feel better now but i also feel so bad :((

i'll eat something small now to at least give a lil' bit of food to my stomach after purging but that'll be it.

i'll try fasting for at least the end of the week afterwards.

ah, i'm so mad at myself. the way i lose weight really depends on me but i really can't keep my mouth shut. i'll try to do it this time!!

let's never lose hope!

#thinspo #mine #d3 #day3 #log #eating disorder #binge eating #weightloss #weight loss #diet #hope

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log 20180321 #3, pt.2

i was doing so so good!!

i was at 600calories and then i kinda blacked out??

next thing i know, i've made 3 whole dishes, ate them and now i'm sitting here: 6000calories more

which means: my suffering; my fasting, all gone to waste.

i'm so mad.

and i don't wanna purge but seriously: i don't think i can stop myself.

i'm gonna take a shower now and trynna get something out maybe :(((

send me some meanspo if you got the time !!

#mine #day3 #d3 #diet #thinspo #weightloss #weight loss #overeating #eating disorder #log

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log 20180321 #3

i really wanted to fast for a good 7 days but i think i'll actually stop at day 3?

because it's really hard for me to resist right now and i learned out of experience that my thought of 'i can't eat' and my feeling of 'but i'm so hungry' are normally always the worst combination that'll trigger me overeating.

because because of the 'i'm so hungry' thought i'll allow myself to eat one thing but then i've gone against the 'i can't eat' rule so 'just screw everything if i've already done that much'

i'll set myself a maximum of 600calories today and will eat between 12.00pm and 4.00pm so it definitely won't go out of hand.

lots of love for everyone out there who's struggling, too!!

#day3 #d3 #thinspo #diet #weight loss #weightloss #mine #log

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log 20180320 #2, pt. 2

job interview’s over~

for my first one, i think it wasn’t that bad? but anyways, i was almost tempted to buy food and clothes but i didn’t!!

i feel better now ♡

i’ll fast til next monday and i reallyy want to do it and it’s 2pm on day 2 of 7 so i can totally do it, right? thinspo come my way !!

edit: i drank a little glass of freshly pressed orange juice, but i won't mind this time.

#thinspo #weight loss #day2 #d2 #2 #mine #diet

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log 20180320 #2

i hate how i, like, have 2sides to me?

one is like, 'bby, don't strave yourself; you're so pretty' and even makes me binge-eat but i still feel like i can justify my behaviour by saying i earned it for no reason. and the other one hates me so much for everything i eat like, 'didn't you already eat enough, fattie?' and i'm just like, 'damn i feel miserable but you're right!! let's eat nothing!!'.

i want to hear compliments wherever i go, i want to be confident in my body at least if not in my face. i want to feel weightless. totally and utterly weightless.

i'll aim for that 42kg and no one will ever be able to stop me.

i doesn't matter how i feel now because it'll all be worth it in the end.

i hope, i'll manage to keep fasting til next monday.

now i'll be off to my first job interview. i hope i won't embarass myself too much aside from my appearance.

#thinspo #day2 #log #d2 #2 #mine #weightloss #losing weight #fasting

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log 20180319 #1

today, i managed to fast, after like 3days of binge-eating. i gained so much weight. i want to lose it again. i want to be thin soon.

i’ll fast. i’ll fast some. this week i’m not gonna eat anything. i swore it on my hope.

i hope log 20180326 will be a happy me who’s excited to eat again after one week of fasting; and no purging.

please don’t make me hate you even more.

now i’ll try to sleep. tomorrow i have a job interview and i’m not really prepared but i’m trying. i wasn’t able to get out of bed today before 4pm.

#hope #thin #eating disorder #diet #losing weight #weightloss #log #log1 #0gravityweight #mine #thinspo