abluejaywrites

[abluejaywrites]

‘Children of Shatila’ (Lebanon, 1998) film by Mai Masri. In this scene the youth of the Palestinian refugee camp interview an elder with a video camera.

[abluejaywrites]

ignoring the pain won’t make it hurt less, and neither will pretending it isn’t there. acknowledge it. confront it. listen to it then tell someone what it has to say. sing about it, scream about it, whisper into your pillow about it - whatever you do as long as give life to these words, as long as you release them from inside your head; your voice will be your medicine.

(cc, 2022)

[abluejaywrites]

dusk, dark-robed god, 

no angel I come to the sea and find a thing familiar I bring nothing worth keeping, bundled wheat, witchweed time is silent, not empty

the poised forewing of a distant thought, never quite reached or known from me, a world has been taken, or, it has been left

all is filled with lilies that grow            far from the sea                             and hang in wilted silence

everything, and nothing

[abluejaywrites]

Body-warmed metal

Damp leather cuff

I am just human

I am enough.

4/12/21

Jay

#poetry #my poetry #poem #writing #my writing #leather #excerpts from my diary

[abluejaywrites]

Hell froze over slowly.

The softest brushing of frost atop the lethe

Icy spiderweb hanging down oer the pit of despair

Tartaros shivers and thinks of a new cloak.

Icicles start to form,

Creeping down from jagged rooftops and overhangs of deadly rock.

The wind is an icy chill that

Knocks the breath out of your lungs.

The new souls are chittering as they arrive,

The river man's golden coins freeze his skull.

Hell is freezing, slowly but surely

Hell is going under.

25.06.21

JAY

#poem #writing #poetry #my poetry #my writing #hell mention

[abluejaywrites]

Scars

Some of my scars are silvery white

Faded and sometimes indistinguishable from my skin

Some of them are a dark purple still,

The sun has not yet passed by enough for them to fade

Some are a pale pink,

Too large for the white to hold

Some are raised, and some are like dents in my skin, embedded like carved wood

My scars do not make me, but they are pieces of who I am

Blurred together with freckles, pain and sun.

23.26 9.10.20

#poetry #poem #my poetry #writing #scars #scar mention tw #wildonewrites

[abluejaywrites]

Emily Dickinson, from “To flee from memory”

[abluejaywrites]

I am night-touched consoled by so much dark and only the sea  remembers

[abluejaywrites]

I've got a ticket to the end of the world.

Front row seats, you might say.

Would you hold my hand as we watch the earth collapse?

We could watch the rising flames.

Although it could just as well be icy frost.

We'll know very little either way.

I've got a ticket to the end of the world.

The path to get there might be a bit fucked.

But we could stand hand in hand

As the warmth of the explosions flushes our cheeks.

I'd like to have known who we could've been

But the roads are too murky to see.

I'd like to think that we could have been green

But that all depends on the sea.

So, would you join me at the end of the world

We could watch the last sunset together?

Would you stay even as it all fades away,

So we'd know that we had each other?

.

.

.

written 18th August 2020

.

A poem by Jay Murtagh

#poetry #my poetry #prose poetry #depressed poets of tumblr #poets on tumblr #the end of the world #some say the world will end in fire #some say in ice #writing #august 2020 #fuck #i'm so tired

[abluejaywrites]

Time. A shifting, ever changing infinity, expanding and contracting with the shifts in temperature, timber and balance. Just as the sun inevitably rises, so will it end and begin again. There will be ashes and burnt and rage and destroyed souls. Covered over with sand from the wind that idly roars, quiets and roars. Alone will we be, to sit with the endless nothing and everything, the sheer enormity of it all. The importance of infinitesimal change. All sifted over with sand and carbon and Time

part of me is like “what the fuck do you mean next week is august when last week was mid april” but then the other part of me is like “approximately 7 years have passed since december 2019 and july 2020″ so that’s fun

#prose poetry #original prose #time #sands of time #balance

[abluejaywrites]

it is 5am. And I am awake. I do not feel tired and I do not feel utterly hopeless. The latter is good, the former, not quite as good.

It's funny how time is at a standstill, at 5am. I could be in an airport, a hotel, a plane. Time stands still, the same.

There is an emptiness to 5am. A quiet poetic stillness and softness that lingers in your mind.

An edge of desperation, milling in the edges of the vast empty time and space and everything and Nothing.

5am. I hear the cars pass by on the not so distant road, and remember car journeys at 5am. My mind does not linger on the past.

It is 5.04. I should probably sleep soon.

- Jay.

#jaywrites #5am #tiredpoetry #spilledink #frustratedtiredness #willfullmindlessness #oh,to be alone #mywriting #time

[abluejaywrites]

Tired of the Night.

Tired of the night.

Heavy are my bones in the dead of night,

Tired of the Night.

The dark is a spell, and so I am alive and dying.

Wired on the night

Bursts of writing and joy and memories.

Memories.

Tired of the night.

Touch and sound are all I see

In the endless darkness around me

I'm

Tired of the night.

08.06.20

#writing #my writing #poetry #theyfinallypostagain #iamdepressed #depressedpoetsoftumblr #depressed poets of tumblr

[abluejaywrites]

Does it terrify you? That I exist? The scary queer person you were told about. The radical feminist. The anti racist. Anti fascist. Activist. I am Transgender. I exist. In a blaze of thunderous fury at injustice, shall this moment be remembered. The moment where I existed. I resisted. I stood strong with my siblings, my black siblings, my queer siblings, my disabled and neurodivergent siblings. And we told you that you were wrong. We told you that you were wrong. But you persisted, committed crime after crime. The laws that exist, you have broken them all. But in the end it is you who will fall. Toppled by the unbalanced tower of corruption and greed and willful ignorance. Deliberate hate is not a forgivable crime. You will fall. We will rise. We will rise like our ancestors, like our founders and the ones who carry us forward, in an ever increasing wave. We are powerful. And we will win.

The Trump administration on Friday finalized a regulation that will erase protections for transgender patients against discrimination by doctors, hospitals and health insurance companies, a move announced on the four-year anniversary of the massacre at a gay nightclub in Orlando and in the middle of Pride Month.

The rule, which does not differ much from a proposed version released last year, is part of a broad Trump administration effort across multiple areas of policy — including education, housing, and employment, as well as health care — to narrow the legal definition of sex discrimination so that it does not include explicit protections for transgender people. 

The Affordable Care Act, the 2010 law often known as Obamacare, established broad civil rights protections in health care, barring discrimination on race, color, national origin, sex, age or disability in “any health program or activity” that receives federal financial assistance. 

The Obama administration interpreted the provision about sex discrimination to include discrimination on the basis of “gender identity.” Under the original 2016 rule, health care providers and insurers would have been required to provide and cover medically appropriate treatment for transgender patients. But rolling back the rule has been a cause for social conservatives since its implementation.

“It’s really, really horrendous to not only gut nondiscrimination protections, but to gut nondiscrimination protections in the middle of a pandemic,” said Rodrigo Heng-Lehtinen, the deputy executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. “This is a new low. This rule opens a door for a medical provider to turn someone away for a Covid-19 test just because they happen to be transgender.”

The announcement Friday prompted an outcry from groups devoted to gay and transgender rights, including the Human Rights Campaign, which said it plans to sue the Trump administration.

“We will not let this attack on our basic right to be free from discrimination in health care go unchallenged. We will see them in court, and continue to challenge all of our elected officials to rise up against this blatant attempt to erode critical protections people need and sanction discrimination,” the organization said in a statement.

Another rule issued by the administration last year would have provided additional “conscience” protections for health care workers with religious or moral objections to certain types of care. That rule has been voided by several federal courts.

[abluejaywrites]

4am Pills Feels

Guess the cycle continues

I'm here again with my pills.

Contemplating a friendship

I may have jeopardized.

Sleep seems to ever evade me.

It's been 6 hours since my last dose.

The pills hold me in thrall,

My mind wanders up close.

Myhaps I could sleep now

I hear the cars still driving outside

Theres a lull in the sounds

The birds have yet to sing

Its uncomfortably warm,

And the air is somehow sticky.

I am restless, my mind agitated,

My sense of self conflicted.

I wish I could simply run from everything,

But I always end up over a cliff.

The deceptive sense of safety

Shatters like eager shards of glass.

It's almost 5am

And the sky outside begins to lighten.

I hear the first bird chirp

And sigh as I give in to the inevitable.

#6thDec2019 #poem #prose poetry #poetry #writing #my writing #pillsthoughts #slightlyoutofwack #wildonewrites

[abluejaywrites]

I am

I am a sack full of uncooked beans,

A lump of plasticine thrown at a wall.

I am cardboard that's bent in half,

Unrefrigerated yoghurt cultures.

I am a clump of damp moss,

An icicle just barely clinging to a thawing branch.

I am three blades of grass bent over by a footprint,

A faint smell of longing.

I am the single tear falling from frustrated eyes,

I am fragments of the stars in the skies.

I am here, and I am never.

And I am always, and forever.

#poem #poetry #my writing #writing #whoami #melancholicbuthumerous

[abluejaywrites]

Blanket land

Fields spread out like a patchwork quilt.

The meandering river squiggles off into the horizon.

The buildings are metallic white squares,

And the water a curious green,

Edged with a thin line of white sand.

The trees are in sporadic dark clusters,

And crop circles huddle together.

Clouds mark the border between endless blue, and bluer sky, and this patchwork land.

A pale dam, empty of water, and shaped like a broken seashell.

The aeroplane continues on through the sky, and leaves this land behind.

~ Jay

#poetry #nature #scenery #poets on tumblr #wildlife #poem #prose poetry #spilled ink #spilled words #spilled thoughts #aeroplane journey

[abluejaywrites]

Journey

She walks in emotions.

A frustrating journey

Of holding on yet letting go.

Where thoughts run wild and imagination soars

Like ever reaching trees stretched towards the sky.

Mind is fuzzy, thoughts are muffled, the muzzled demon sings

In the debris of endless rubble, where do the plants grow?

I wish I were a muse

That I might inspire works of ages

That I might see, and create, and be created.

I wish I saw the world

In stark black and white

With shades of grey notwithstanding.

I wish I were a tree

That I may peacefully settle

Among my brethren.

#November23rd2017 #throughthearchives #iamppstingwhatiwastooscaredtopostthen #poetry #my poetry #thelairofthelioness #lioness's lair #writing #2017 #honest