akaashioppa - Tumblr blog

akaashioppa · 1 year

Text

Not Ready Yet

pairings: oikawa x reader

summary: the reader finally gets her chance with hanging out with her long term crush oikawa who seems to like her back. however things soon take a turn.

warnings: heartbreak

w/c: idk

Masterlist. Haikyuu Masterlist

The sound of soft music flooded your ears, your legs were gently resting on the dashboard of the car. As the tune of the song continued you gently tapped your fingers along to the beat of the song. Your view was of a park, it looked completely abandoned. Toru decided to get dinner with you after your volleyball practice had ended. You wanted to sit down and eat but everything was closing which was weird for a Monday night, it was only 9 pm. He decided on a fast food restaurant where you both sat to eat burgers and fries in his car.

With his phone in his hands, he scrolled his music playlist while nodding his head to the beat. “I can’t believe people hate this album, this is one of my favorite albums.”

Your head was leaned against the back of the headrest, without moving it you looked over to see him ramble about the album. It was called college drop out, he praised the album like no other. Although you had never listened to this album you sat back to listen to him, nothing made you happier than seeing him happy about life.

You two didn’t know that much of one another, you had just met in September but went on your first date in December. Oikawa Toru was your crush, he had been since you first saw in at a college volleyball game. He was walking around with his friends when you both made eye contact. It was like no one else was in the room but him, something told you deep down that he was completely different from the rest.

“College dropout? That’s about to be me.” You both laughed at your cheesy joke, being a comedian was your side job and he knew that.

He clutched the side of his stomach while laughing at your joke. He cried, “Why are you like this?” You shrugged your shoulders, you two were notorious for laughing at the dumb things that both of you said.

He eyed the cup of water that was given to you at the burger place. The waitress only gave you guys one drink which was wrong but Toru was too scared to tell her that.

“Have you drunk your water?”

“Yeah.” A giggle escaped your lips, that was such an odd question to ask. “Do you want it?”

A loud sigh escaped his lips, “I thought you would have never asked.”

“What the fuck Toru!?” You snickered, “You were going to sit here and thirst to death?”

He shook his head vigorously, “Yes, I was going to stop by the store or something.” You both laughed at his actions. Toru continued to drink the cup of water, he even went as far as to offer you the drink.

His laughter died down, and Toru still had the brightest smile on his face as he looked at you. “I have a question?”

The sudden shift in the tone caused you to grow a little tense. You removed your feet from the headboard of his car as a soft hmm escaped your lips.

He looked at you with all purity, that was something that he did a lot. He would look at you as if you were the only girl in the world. It continued to give you butterflies or was that common sense leaving your body?

His fluffy brown hair rested against the back of his chair while he was looking at you. Akaashi's smile widen while he continued to look at you. “What are you trying to get out of this date?”

Confusion wasn’t the word, quicker than you could've stooped yourself you blurted out, “Date? This is a date?” Prior to meeting one another he specifically told you that this would only be as friends. It hurt…a lot but you completely understood. You wanted to respect his boundaries however this didn’t stop you from hanging out with him. He genuinely made you happy, so you pushed your feelings aside to be with him as friends.

He playfully nudged the side of your arm, “You know what I mean”

Internally your brain was set off with complete chaos. He literally had just confused you, one minute he says your friends and the next he’s calling this a date. Without making it awkward you just let out a laugh.

“I just like being around you that’s all.” Things with him were so easy, he understood you without even trying. It was quite hard for you to open up to people but with him, it was smooth sailing. For years you had been struggling with trying to force yourself to be someone who you were not. With Toru you didn’t have to be like that, he made you relax. You didn’t have to try hard, the both of you could understand each other problems like no one else.

“Mhm.” he didn’t bother to say anything else, he continued to look out the window of the car.

Toru’s hand rubbed his upper lips as he thought. He too seemed conflicted with his feelings. While he thought you also did the same thing like always you had to fight with yourself internally. Things with him were so easy to the point that you hated it.

“I want to kiss you right now.”

“Wait what.” Your head snapped away from the window.

Toru was completely serious, there wasn’t a drop of sarcasm in his voice. He didn’t give you any time to register what to do, before you knew it he took your chin in with his hand and brought your lips to his. Toru's lips were on yours, he took control as he slowly moved his lips against yours. Blood rushed throughout your body when you felt his downy lips against yours. The kiss itself wasn’t rough nor forced, it felt like he was taking his time with you.

Your mind was filled with a million thoughts, he had left you in a trance of questions when he pulled apart from you. For the first time in six months, you thought that things were moving in the right direction. He kissed you, which meant he wanted to be in a relationship with you. The brightest smile appears on your face as you thought it. You had finally got the guy of your dreams.

His head rested against yours, his eyes hung low. He continued to rub your cheek with his thumb. “(Y/N), we can’t be together.”

“I know that.”

The muscles in your face that contracted to hold your smile in place began to fall. With every bone in your body, you tried to fight the urge not to frown. Weakness was something that you hated to show, and Vulnerability, was also something you hated to show, but with him you always got vulnerable.

“(Y/N), we can’t be together.”

You laughed, “I know.” Your smile was twice as big as it was before. Internally you were slowly breaking down one by one. At first, you wanted to curse him for leading you on, but how could you curse him for something that you participated in him? You kissed him back, you could have easily told him no but you didn’t.

“It's not you, it’s me. I’m not ready for a relationship right now. Trust and believe me, I want to be with you but I can’t give you all of me right now.”

“I’m not ready for a relationship either.”

His face softened, “Are you just saying that because I said that, or do you really not want a relationship?”

“No, I’m serious it’s all me.” You could feel your heart tightening in your chest, with all the willpower you had you tried to fight the tears that were surfacing. That stupid mind of yours portrayed a future life when he. Friends don’t kiss one another…FRIENDS DON’T KISS ONE ANOTHER!!! He kissed you, he made you believe that the two of you could become something only for him to shut you down. Hurt wasn’t the word, you felt betrayed. This was unfair…so unfair.

“Maybe we should get you home.”

“Yeah.”

On the way home, he kept explaining why he could not be in a relationship with you. You didn’t listen to him, your mind was too busy having a war within itself. Every chance Toru would ask how you feel or what was going through your brain. He kept antagonizing you with questions trying to pick through your heads. Too many emotions were surging through your body to answer any of his questions.

“Do you feel any different?” He quietly asked, you shook your head no. Too afraid to speak, you looked out of the window of his car. Everything that you had ever wanted was shot to the ground by him.

“The reason why I don’t acknowledge you or text you a lot is that I'll get attached. I know I can’t give you all of me right now.”

THEN WHY DID YOU KISS ME!?

“That’s understandable.”

You sighed, you knew you weren’t in your right head space so why try to talk to him when everything in your head was cloudy? Every action doesn’t need a reaction, you know. But that still doesn’t give him a right to play with your emotions. He had no right but then again it was your fault just as much as his…or was it. Who knows, the only thing you knew was that you needed to get out of his car for some fresh air.

“Goodnight Toru, I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

He nodded his head himself, honestly, you both were so conflicted with your emotions that the best thing you could do was leave and talk in the morning. That’s if you wanted to talk to him.

130 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

Cold Feet

pairings: Akaashi x Reader

summary: Akaashi has cold feet the night before the wedding.

warning: angst. NOT FLUFF. mild curse words

w/c: 1.2

a/n: i’m back after 7 months!! :)

Haikyu Masterlist Masterlist

You sat downstairs on the couch of your rented home, your scheduled wedding booklet was placed directly in front of you. The music of your first dance played gently in the background, you hummed along with it while you tapped your feet to the correct dance moves. Tomorrow was your big day, your fiance was on the other side of the house. It was big enough for the 5 families to stay in, you found yourself sneaking into the bridal room to sneak glances at your wedding dress. Everything was perfect, according to the booklet that was in your hands the day was going to go by smoothly. In less than 24 hours you’d be married to the love of your life.

A shuffling of feet distracted you from the admiration of your wedding dress, your best friend stood there in her pajamas watching you watch your dress. “Hey (Y/N), Akaashi-san is at the door.”

“Keiji? Why is he here? He’s not supposed to see me before the wedding day.”

Your friend fiddled with her fingers, she was clearly nervous which made you nervous. She motioned for you to follow her out of the room, you held your booklet close to your chest. Slowly you uncrossed your legs from underneath your bottom, your friend looked just as scared as you. As much as you wanted to ask her what was wrong you didn’t.

She led you to the door where your husband stood against the frame, he was looking down at the Rolex that you brought him as a wedding gift. She eased her way past him notifying him with her shoulder that you were present.

Akaashi stood up straight, his hands went directly into his pockets.“Hey.” You noticed that he was wearing the same clothes from the rehearsal today, it was going on at 12 in the morning and he still wasn’t ready for bed. His hair was sticking in every direction, his fingers were cracking from all the picking he was doing to them.

“Hi.” You know had his full attention or at least you thought. His face was glued to you but his eyes were looking in a direction but yours.“Are you having trouble writing your vows?” Gently you tapped your book against his chest, it was the same book that you had been writing your vows in for the last two months.

He laughed, “ I actually have not started, that’s pretty slack of me.” Your fiance sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. Your smile soon started to fade, deep down you knew something was wrong. Not once since you’ve looked at Keiji as he looked at you back? Not once did he show any joy about the wedding tomorrow. No affections, not even a small wave of acknowledging that his future wife was in his presence.

He soon struck up a conversation about the wedding tomorrow. It was clear as day that he was ignoring the elephant in the room. As he talked he waved his hands around. Each word he said went in one ear and out the other, a shell shock feeling consumed you. He was not the same, something was up but he was hiding it behind the pointless stories about the wedding. The more his hands swayed in the air the more attracted you were to them.

The booklet fell to the floor, and with both hands, you grabbed Keiji’s left hand. His engagement ring was not there. “Where’s your wedding ring?” You blurted out, it wasn’t a secret that you were dramatic. However in this situation, you could care less, you turned his hand over numerous times to make sure your eyes weren’t playing games on you. Slowly he retracted his hand from your grip, his hand found its way into his khakis pants. The dark emerald black ring was pulled out. You brought him that ring. You wanted everyone to know that he was your future husband. On the inside of the ring is where both of your initials were engraved inside.

Keiji grabbed your hand, placing the ring in the center of your palm then closed your fingers to keep it safe. “I don’t deserve this or you. I’m sorry (Y/N), I wish I would’ve felt this way sooner and none of this would’ve happened.”

“No” You shook your head violently. “No Keiji, you’re joking, you love me.” Your body shook from the shock of his words. You knew where this was going but you couldn’t bring yourself to actually acknowledge it. With the ends of your shirt, you wiped the tears away from your cheek. He stood there like a statue with no remorse for his actions. Taking a deep breath you pushed yourself away from him. “I wish you would've never felt this way at all.”

“Marriage is a huge commitment, it should be with someone you truly love. I can’t bring myself to lie to you anymore, I don’t love you the way you love me.” Keji looked away from you, “It truly breaks my heart to say those words because you’re a wonderful woman.”

He brought your head in with his two hands, tenderly he placed a kiss on your forehead. “I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“If I’m so wonderful then why don’t you love me?” Your words were muffled by your hands, everything was starting to become overwhelming. The man that you thought was your everything was now proving to you that love was not real. Everything is complete bullshit, you were too busy living in a fantasy world to realize it.

“I do love you, but I’m not in love with you. I see how in love everyone else is while I look at you and realize that I don’t look at you the same way. Tell me you don’t feel it? Look at how your dad looks at your mom and ask yourself if I look at you the same way” He looked away sighing, Keiji reached out for your hands. Swiftly you moved from far away from you, you actually moved your entire body away from him.

His eyes pleaded with you, the way he moved around the room to get to go was starting to piss you off. Every step you took he took one towards you. “Please don’t be mad at me.” He finally stopped chasing after you once he realized that you were not in the mood or his presence.

Keiji has had this on his mind for months, he would stay up for hours contemplating how he should tell you. He wanted to go through with the wedding, he told himself that he could wait at least a year and then divorce you. However, seeing you walk around with the biggest smile on your face he knew that he could never do such a thing to you.

“I just didn’t want to break your heart (Y/N)”

“Were you ever in love with me?”

“Once but I…I don’t know (Y/N).”

“In your hesitation, I already found my answer.” It was a simple question yet that question drained you more than the conversion itself. Honestly, it was hard to depict what was more heartbreaking. Him admitting that he wasn’t in love with you or him admitting it the night of your wedding. With one final look, you opened the door for your now ex-husband. “You can let yourself out and make sure you tell the guest that the wedding is off.”

He understood with a small head nod. Keiji walked out the door without saying another word. With your back against the closed door, his ring and the booklet stared at you from the floor.

tags:

@hyunsamour @fireworkpanda @ianmoone12345 @ang3lc4k3 @lillilwil @tenkomurasaki @saineysd @sadtrains @tatiquichi @elianetsantana @xstormiii @yoitsseulgi @ghostlyarcanum @srintarou @chscklvr @succulentmom @madsky1222 @cinnamonruts @thezslumpgoddess @xogiaaa @premiyagi @momoinot @psycho-nightrose @aoinanase @tetsusatoru @gabisalabaj @allthat-jasss @izumikunmy @okaerin @cheezitcracker @chokeurmom @taytayy178 @AyeshaSara @knmsapplepi @chokerbaby @pewpewkatelyn @cherrytop05 @smexyair @kail-671 @keijier @inumakisimp27 @masster69 @savantsoulfinder @amisuh @wedontknowwhotfthisis @llamakenma @sabrinakishi @chiiitose @vicolangelo @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @oklolkita @ririakaashi @nununana @embermarie-0 @lcvinkawa @tendotopia @iwasamistake09 @dollfaceartz @courtney-allyson@wolffmaiden @claryshinee

#akaashi imagine #akaashi keiji #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi drabble #akaashi fanfiction #akaashi smut #haikyu imagines #haikyuu reader #haikyu x reader #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x you #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi headcanons #akaashi keiji imagines #akaashi oneshot #akaashi #akaashi keiji fluff #hq akaashi

126 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

Akaashi Oppa turned 1 today! omg not us turning one today. nothing would’ve been possible without you guys. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!🥺🤍

Haikyuu Masterlist

@hyunsamour @fireworkpanda @ianmoone12345 @ang3lc4k3 @lillilwil @tenkomurasaki @saineysd @sadtrains @tatiquichi @elianetsantana @xstormiii @yoitsseulgi @ghostlyarcanum @srintarou @chscklvr @succulentmom @madsky1222 @cinnamonruts @thezslumpgoddess @xogiaaa @premiyagi @momoinot @psycho-nightrose @aoinanase @tetsusatoru @gabisalabaj @allthat-jasss @izumikunmy @okaerin @cheezitcracker @chokeurmom @taytayy178 @AyeshaSara @knmsapplepi @chokerbaby @pewpewkatelyn@cherrytop05 @smexyair @kail-671 @keijier @inumakisimp27 @masster69 @savantsoulfinder @amisuh @wedontknowwhotfthisis @llamakenma @sabrinakishi @chiiitose @vicolangelo @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @oklolkita @ririakaashi @nununana @embermarie-0 @lcvinkawa @tendotopia @iwasamistake09 @dollfaceartz @courtney-allyson @wolffmaiden @claryshinee

#tumblr birthday #tumblr milestone #akaashi imagine #akaashi keiji #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi drabble #akaashi fanfiction #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi keji x reader #akaashi oneshot #akaashi x reader #haikyuu x reader

7 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

this story lives rent free in my head… omg i didn’t realize how good it was until now🤚🏼

Late Nights

pairings: drunk akaashi x reader

summary: Akaashi comes home drunk for the first time after going out with his old teammates.

warnings: a few curse words

w/c: 754

a/n: this is just a short story to put out. i want to get back in the grove of writing for akaashi :)

Haikyuu Masterlist Masterlist :)

“(Y/N)! Your husband is fucked!” Konoha slurred out, it was clear as day that your husband was drunk. Bokuto and Komi were holding him by his arms, his feet dragged against the floor with each step they took. Bokuto was back in town, the old teammates hadn’t seen one another in years. Akaashi hasn’t seen Bokuto in one year and 6 months. He kept in his calendar, Bokuto had a free week so he decided to take the boys out for drinks and clearly, Akaashi had one too many.

Akaashi looked up at you, his cheeks were rosy and his eyes were all out of focus, “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to get drunk.”

You laughed, you could barely make out the words he was saying.“It’s okay, you had fun.”

“Do you want him or do you need us to put him in the bed?” Komi asked, he was struggling to hold your husband’s dead weight up, although he wasn’t muscular like Bokuto, he had some height to him.

“I got him, are you guys okay to drive, or do you need to spend the night?” You fixed your gaze to Konoha, he was the drunkest of them all. Unlike Akaashi he could actually hold himself up, but he couldn’t walk straight. He kept bumping into your wall.

“Komi here is our designated driver.” Konoha gave him a hard slap on the back, he roughly brung the man into a loving hug. Komi pushed him, he apologized for Konhoa’s behavior then kicked out of your front door uttering a few curse words at the blonde-haired man.

Bokuto placed your husband in your arms, you gladly accepted him. He was quite heavy but you somehow managed to hold him up. His arms were around your waist, his face was in your neck. You could practically smell the alcohol on his breath. “Tell Akaashi I’ll come by in the morning to see him before I leave.”

“He’s going to miss you, ya know.”

Bokuto chuckled, “I think I miss him more than he misses me. There’s not a minute where I’m not thinking about him.”

You rubbed your husband’s back hoping that he was hearing this, “ “Thanks Bokuto-san. I’m sure he hears you… Can you lock the door on the way out?”

With the last goodbye, Bokuto left your house. You drug your drunk husband to the best of your ability in your shared room. He flopped down on the bed, his arms out to his side, his eyes closed. You started to undress him, it was already going on 3 in the morning. The quicker you got it done the quicker you could go back to sleep.

“Whoa, Whoa, women,” He shot up in the bed removing your hands away from the button of his pants. He looked at you, his eyebrows clenched with anger. “I have a wife.” He slurred out, he threw your hands away from his pants.

You let out a shaky breath, it was a relieving feeling, you thought you had done something wrong.

“Keiji you’re not at the bar anymore, you’re home. I’m your wife.” He looked around the room, his eyes landing on you. With his shaky hand he turned on your lamp beside your bed, his eyes lit up when he saw you.

He smirked, laying back on his elbows, “Oh, hey sexy.”

You giggled, “You are a lot bolder when you’re drunk.”

He pointed to his mouth, “I can’t control it.”

You shook your head, you helped him out of his jeans and shirt. You stripped him down to his boxers. He was already snoring and you were far from done with him

Forcefully you woke him up, you made him eat bread and drink a little water. He put up a fight but he didn’t win it.

“Go to sleep, Akaashi.”

You were now in bed with your back turned from him. He pulled you by your waist, your back was met with his chest and your butt with his clothed dick, he snuggled into your body getting comfortable.“I love you so much. I wouldn’t trade you for any other woman.” He whispered in your ear, “I can’t wait for us to have a family of our own.”

“Mhmm go to sleep Keiji.”

“Okay baby, I love you.” His face found its way in your neck, his breath tickled you making it hard to go to sleep. Although the last thing you wanted to do was sleep, you were too afraid he might have alcohol poisoning. He was never the one to drink, he never got drunk before at least, not to your knowledge.

“I love you too. Good Night.”

tags list if you want to get tagged in future stories inbox me or comment. :)

@hyunsamour @fireworkpanda @ianmoone12345 @ang3lc4k3 @lillilwil @tenkomurasaki @saineysd @sadtrains @tatiquichi @elianetsantana @xstormiii @yoitsseulgi @ghostlyarcanum @srintarou @chscklvr @succulentmom @madsky1222 @cinnamonruts @thezslumpgoddess @xogiaaa @premiyagi @momoinot @psycho-nightrose @aoinanase @tetsusatoru @gabisalabaj @allthat-jasss @izumikunmy @okaerin @cheezitcracker @chokeurmom @taytayy178 @AyeshaSara @knmsapplepi @chokerbaby @pewpewkatelyn@cherrytop05 @smexyair @kail-671 @keijier @inumakisimp27 @masster69 @savantsoulfinder @amisuh @wedontknowwhotfthisis @llamakenma @sabrinakishi @chiiitose @vicolangelo @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @oklolkita @ririakaashi

701 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

🥺…i guess friendships don’t last

tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

i was tagged by @earthbound-in-doubt (thank you!!!)

favorite color: red!!

currently reading: in the dream house by carmen maria machado

last song: i think we’re alone now (cover by green day)

last series: mythbusters (i watched it all the time as a kid so i’m rewatching it)

last movie: the conjuring 3: the devil made me do it

sweet, savory, or spicy: sweet!

currently working on: my mental health lmao

tagging: @midasinc @pumpkinspice-prouvaire @jaskierstransmascswag @infinity-and-luck @juliensorelisoverparty @courfeyracs-swordcane and because i can’t think of anyone else i’ll say anyone else who wants to do this (seriously you can tag me if you want to do this)

3K notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Note

do you have prompt request rules? like dos and don’ts? bc i’d love to see you write “you know what? fuck you” with atsumu x reader or “please, don’t shut me out.” with bokuto x reader (reader shuts out bokuto?) but idk your rules, also i love all your work ! <3

as for rules no smut lol because i don’t know how to write it 💀 you can be as descriptive as you want but i may change some things depending on how your requests and my writing skills correspond.

btw could you be resubmit it the request so you can be notified when i post it ☺️

2 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

prompt request :)

just send in a request, be as descriptive as you want but i may twist some things around for my liking.

i’ll write for any character.

as for rules the only rule i have no smut (i don’t know how to write it 💀) i may not write your request if I’m not comfortable with it 🙂

prompt list

prompts

1. “i don’t love you anymore.”

2. “if anyone ever tells you they’re interested in you beyond getting laid, they’re a fucking liar.”

3. “i’m not yours. don’t call me yours.”

4.“you know what? fuck you.”

4. “i cheated. many, many times. and i regret absolutely nothing.”

5. “please, don’t shut me out.”

6. “you’re not okay! stop telling me you’re okay!”

7. “are you bleeding?”

8. “just go.” “but-“ “leave, now!”

9. “did you ever realize that you were hurting me? or did you just not care?”

10. “oh my god, what the hell are you doing here?”

11 “you aren’t the person i fell in love with years ago.”

12. “we should take a break.”

13. “how could anyone ever love you?”

14. “i don’t believe you. not one bit.”

15. “you lying piece of shit!”

16. “what happened to us? really, what the fuck happened?”

17. “they’re dead.”

18. “i want you out of my house. right now.”

19. “i’m exhausted.”

20. “you were supposed to be there for me. and you weren’t. you weren’t there.”

21. “i never wanna see you again.”

22. “if you ever think about calling me again, don’t.”

23. “i’m disappointed. really.”

24. “who? ..wait, you’re talking about [name]? honey, they died a couple months ago.”

25“you’re amazing, really. but i love them. not you.”

26“you are the most inconvenient person ever.”

27“frankly, i don’t give a fuck.”

28“do you have to be such a damn nuisance?”

29“don’t look at me like that.” “like what?” “like you care about me.”

30“it was so incredibly easy to manipulate you.”

31“i always wondered why you chose me.. now, i know. it was all a lie.”

32“no, there is no second chance! you lost every single chance with me when you thought of our relationship as a fucking bet!”

33“don’t think for one second that i ever cared about you. you’d be lying to yourself.”

34“please, even if you’re lying, just tell me you love me.”

35“i’d rather die than look at you for another second.”

36“don’t you have somewhere to be? other people to fuck? or do you only do that when you’re in a relationship—“

37“when will you get the hint? i don’t fucking like you!”

38“you aren’t coming back, are you?”

39“it’s been a year since they died, and it still feels the same. like i’m being suffocated.”

40“god, no wonder your ex-partner left you.”

41“i didn’t think you’d be the one to break my heart.”

42“i’m not the type of person you should fall in love with.”

43“if you walk out of that door, i’ll hate you for as long as i live.”

44“i wonder why people care about you when you’re not worth the stress.”

45“don’t come any closer.”

46“i only have a couple days left.”

47“you didn’t mean that, right? right?”

48“how many times do you expect me to forgive you?”

49“ i wish i'd known when you were born that you were going to betray me like this. ”

50“ i never expected this from you. ”

51“ have you hit your head? ”

52“ are you in your senses? ”

53“ are you doing drugs? ”

54“ what have i done to deserve this? ”

55“ i raised you like my own child and this is how you pay me back? ”

56“ why would you betray us like this? ”

57“ you've disgraced me. ”

58“ our reputation will be ruined. ”

59“ we're going to be the next talk of town. ”

60“ you will make a fool out of us. ”

61“ you have made a fool out of us. ”

62“ have you no respect for us? ”

63“ we expressly forbade you . ”

64“ i'm so disgusted i can't even — ”

65“ you will cut all ties with her . ”

66“ no more. you will stop this now, you will stop meeting with her. ”

67“you don’t have to tell me. but if you do decide you want to, i’ll be here.”

68“you’re being way too nice to me.”

69“relax, i won’t hurt you.”

70“i had to clean up your mess. again.”

71"you can't expect me to apologize."

72“Why can’t you just learn to let the fuck go.”

73“Did it over occur to you that I never wanted this to begin with?”

74“Why can’t you just look at me for one god damn second!”

75“Let go of my hand.”

76“I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

77“Why are you — saying all these things —”

78“You know what? I was wrong. You never really meant anything to me. You’re broken, you’re beyond fixing, you’re not something I want to take the time to handle. Simple as that.”

79“You’re a god damn mistake, that’s what you are.”

80“I never wanted anything to do with you to begin with.”

81“This, us, was a fucking mistake and I should have known the second things went further than planned.”

82“I can’t do this anymore.”

83“I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

84“If anything, you were a fucking waste of time.”

85“I just don’t feel anything anymore.”

86“Looking at you I see nothing but something I need to put an end to.”

87“Oh? Really? You thought we had a future? What gave you that idea.”

88“Is this even going anywhere?”

89“Why can’t we just talk about it —”

90“Does it ever occur to you that I am done talking? That I am done with reflecting upon my words and action? Can’t you just take a fucking hint that I’m done with you? I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

91“We’re through. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

92“You were broken to begin with.”

93“I don’t need, or want help, what I want is for you to get the fuck away from me.”

94“You’re damaged goods and I can’t find the patience to take on you as a project.”

95“I just wanted you to love me.”

96“Don’t you dare touch me”

97“You let them do this to me!”

98“You don’t deserve this pain”

99“Why don’t you go crying to them then, huh? That’s what you did last time”

100“I can’t kiss you knowing that they kissed you too”

101. “Leave”

102. “I told you to stay away from me”

103. “I can’t believe you forgot”

104. “All you care about is yourself”

105 “I thought I told you to never come back here”

106 “I can’t even look at you”

107 “This is what your selfishness did!”

108 “You are evil, cruel, foul and you break everything you touch”

109 “It’s okay if you don’t blame yourself because I sure do”

110 “Please don’t leave me here”

111 “Every time I try to fix something I just make it worse”

112“I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

113 “You really don’t get it, do you?”

114 "No! You said you wouldn't do it, and yet here we are!"

115. “tell me, which part of me wasn’t enough?”

116. “their blood’s on your hands, even if you can’t see it. and you can never wash it off.”

117. “i’m sorry i’m not what you signed up for.”

118. “I’m not worth it”

119. "Well done. You've officially pushed away everyone that's ever given a fuck about you."

120. “When did you stop loving me?”

121. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”

122. “How did things go so wrong?”

123. “When did things fall apart?”

124. “Which part of me wasn’t enough?”

125. “How do I make you love me again?”

126. “Please answer me.”

127 “Nothing ever goes right!”

128 “Why do you have to ruin everything?!”

129 “Why do you hate me so much?”

130 “Things will be better this way.”

131. “I swear to god if you jump-”

132 “I trusted you.”

133“I never thought this would happen.”

134 “This is all my fault.”

135. “You’re supposed to be yelling at me! And… and hitting me! Why aren’t you doing that?!”

136. “The body is what gets us caught”

137. “I’m not flipping a coin to decide whether or not I go to jail tonight.”

138. “That’s not on me, it’s on you.”

139. “I’m not the person you think I am. And I can’t tell you what that means or what I’ve done.”

140. “What did you do to him?”

141. “And that makes it okay?”

142. “Are you afraid to die?”

143. “What would you do if I didn’t come back?”

144. “I just wanted a family.”

145. “So pick. Who do you hate more? Me or the man who killed your father?”

146. “Can you really blame me?”

147 “How could you do this?”

148 “Can you be the one to do it?”

149. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

150. “Are you leaving?”

151. “How do we fix this?”

152 “Would you hate me?”

153 “Do you want to die?”

154“How many more innocent people have to die?”

155 “Can you promise me no one else has to get hurt?”

156. “ stop doing that— stop trying to hide your emotions from me. ”

157 “ i can’t make you trust me. but i’m gonna stick around long enough for you to realize you can. ”

158 “Don’t just run off like that, you scared me.”

159 “ not everyone is just gonna become another scar. some people will stay, if you let them. ”

160. “ i feel like i’ve been living in a storm for so long, like i’m just drifting from wave or wave hoping i won’t drown. ”

161 “ what happened to you? what made you so scared to stay still long enough to let someone in? ”

162 “ i don’t wanna be scared anymore. ”

163 “Admitting that I’m right is always a good option.”

164 “ even when you smile, your eyes are still sad. ”

165 “ you’re safe with me. you can let go. breathe. ”

166“ every time i touch you, there’s a moment where you look like you think it will hurt. ”

167 “ why aren’t you scared of me? ”

168. “ you’d accept a caress from the same hands that leave you bruised, just to feel warm. ”

169. “ i’ll kill anyone that makes you hurt like that again. i’d kill them just for taking your smile. ”

170. “ i want to keep you all to myself. i don’t want anyone but us to know the things we do in secret. ”

171. “ yes. i killed them— but i did it for you. ”

172.“ i had to do it. no one gets to make you sad and get away with it. ”

173 “It’s too early to get up. Let’s stay a little longer.”

174"Hey wait a minute, is- is that blood?"

175“i think i’m depressed but who knows.”

176 “I thought you were better than this.”

177 “Please come home.”

178 “I wish I didn’t miss you anymore.”

179 “Did you ever really care for me?”

180 “Was there a time when you weren’t laughing at me on the inside? You lied the whole time..”

181 “Liar! How could do you this do me?”

182. “I spent every day thinking about you..”

183. “Did you really have to do that to me?”

184. “How do you expect me to forget what you’ve done!”

185. “You need a break from all that work. Come lay down.”

#haikyuu akaashi #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi keiji #akaashi imagine #akaashi fanfiction #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa toru #oikawa imagine #oikawa fanfiction #oikawa x reader #hinata shoyo imagine #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata shoyo x y/n

203 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

any requests? i’m quite bored and i need motivation. preferably angst :)

MASTERLIST

#akaashi imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #akaashi keiji imagines #akaashi angst #oikawa fanfiction #hq oikawa #oikawa x reader #akaashi fanfiction

4 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

reblog to send your mutuals a hug. maybe just the thought is enough to cheer them up 🥺

140K notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

🥺

USERNAME CHANGE !!

dearazumane ⇢ tarouken

6 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

im going to punch you dead in your esophagus.

HAIKYUU MEN AS THINGS MY FRIENDS DO

You have to get up early but you don’t trust yourself to not snooze your alarm endlessly? Don’t worry, he’s used to getting up early and doesn’t mind calling and texting you until you can’t ignore your phone anymore. He even stays on the phone with you until he’s sure you got out of bed. And don’t forget the text 15 minutes after you’ve put your phone down, because he knows you sometimes shamelessly slide into bed if you’re really tired.

— iwaizumi, daichi, ushijima, sakusa, oikawa, bokuto

If he knows you have a procrastination problem he will stay on facetime with you, motivating you with just his presence. He might be doing something completely different, working out, reading, watching a movie, cooking, but he will stay on the phone with you as long as you need. He keeps track of the time and makes sure to tell when it’s time to take your break, get something to eat or drink. And if he has some work he has to do as well, he will just join you.

— akaashi, goshiki, ojiro, hinata, koganegawa, aone

He knows how annoyed you get listening to the same music all the time so every new playlist he makes he automatically sends to you. At times he makes customized playlists for you, knowing your music taste and what you’d like best. He just loves giving you a little piece of him :)

— semi, hanamaki, akaashi, tendou, yamaguchi, asahi

There’s no particular reason why he does this, but every once in a while he just wants to come over, not to see you, but to sleep in your bed. He will even steal your (his) hoodies out of your closet to sleep in and if he’s feeling extra at home that day he will ask you to get him a towel so he can take a shower after

— atsumu, kuroo, tanaka, bokuto

It’s a random Wednesday night when you get a call, you pick up and, “do you wanna get food? I’m outside.”

— nishinoya, daichi, kyoutani, matsukawa, koganegawa, sugawara

61 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

my bestie wrote the second one about me. she doesn’t want to tell you guys that she uses me for motivation. she’s a leech🙄

HAIKYUU MEN AS THINGS MY FRIENDS DO

— iwaizumi, daichi, ushijima, sakusa, oikawa, bokuto

— akaashi, goshiki, ojiro, hinata, koganegawa, aone

— semi, hanamaki, akaashi, tendou, yamaguchi, asahi

— atsumu, kuroo, tanaka, bokuto

It’s a random Wednesday night when you get a call, you pick up and, “do you wanna get food? I’m outside.”

— nishinoya, daichi, kyoutani, matsukawa, koganegawa, sugawara

61 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

Come To An End

pairings: Akaashi x reader

summary: The reader has an encounter with Tersuhima who continues to harass her while Akaashi is on the court.

warnings: harassment, a hint of angst

w/c: 1720

Tags Matserlist

Fukurodani always had the best games, people loved to see the iconic Katoru Bokuto play, he was quite the catch. Unlike other people, you didn’t come to see the outrageous Bokuto play, you came to see your quiet, calm, and composed boyfriend, Akaashi Keiji. You both had been dating for over a year now, you both hit it off when the teacher paired you both for a reading assignment. The rest was history.

“Hey, I’m going to get some candy. Would you like something from the concession stand?” You asked your friend, she shook her head no. The bag of uneaten popcorn that she brought was still sitting on her lap.

The game was slowly coming to an end. Fukurodani had won the first set and now they were slowly winning the second set. One more hit and they’d win, so far Bokuto hasn’t gone emo so that’s a good thing. The boys were really working hard out there.

“Hi cutie, what’s your name?” A man asked, his voice sounded so familiar, it was like you heard it a thousand times already. Turning around you were met with a big blob of yellow, it was none other than Terushima Yuji. Just looking at him made you uncomfortable, the catcalling and sudden obsession with you didn’t make it any better. This wasn’t the first time he harassed you, in all honestly you could count it on all ten of your fingers. Countless times you’d tell him that you had a boyfriend but he wouldn’t listen, but he kept pursuing you.

You quickly paid the woman for the bag of Skittles, he stood there hovering over you waiting for you to acknowledge his presence. He followed you foot by foot, calling you all types of names, sweetheart, cutie, babe, baby, sweetcheeks, beautiful, pretty girl, and princess. Your face burned with embarrassment, he wouldn’t stop. Terushima was causing all types of stares from people, they’d point and laugh because he was so damn loud.

“Come on beautiful, I just want to talk.” He reached out grabbing your arm, you stumbled a bit crashing into his solid chest.

“You idiot!” You pushed yourself off of him, throwing your bag of skittles directly in his face. “Stop touching me!” He held his hands up in a defensive way, you didn’t bother to confront him again. You wanted to shrink or maybe even run. All the attention was on the both of you, before he could cause another scene you stormed off.

You felt so many emotions, at first, you were scared by the way he was hovering over you. Then disgusted by the way he was catcalling you now, but when he violated your personal bubble you felt rage. The feeling slowly consumed you, how dare he put his hands on me without my consent!?

When walking back to the gym Fukurodani was celebrating, the crowd was going wild chanting Akaashi’s name. Apparently, he dumped the ball over the net allowing them to win the game. You sat down beside your friend, your leg was bouncy from the amount of adrenaline you were facing. Akaashi looked up in the crowd smiling at you, he waved gently. Forcefully you did the same thing, you weren’t happy. Tersushima ruined your entire day, you couldn’t celebrate your boyfriend winning because you were so irritable with the situation. He even got the game-winning volleyball and you couldn’t be happy with that.

When walking out of the gym you were looking over your shoulder, it was out of habit. It was so uncomfortable for you to walk out in the open, he could be anywhere. All you wanted to do was find Akaashi and go home.

“Hey, baby.” Slender arms snaked around your body from behind. You jumped away thinking it was him again, but it wasn’t it was your boyfriend. Akaashi looked astonished, tilted his head, an eyebrow raised from curiosity. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” You answered quickly, you gave him a quick hug. He tried to hold you there longer but you pride yourself out of his grip.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, I’m just not feeling good.” You said quickly, “Can we go home?”

“Um, Bokuto-san wanted to watch Johzenji High play, they’re playing Nekoma.” He looked back at the entrance of the gym. You followed his gaze, you instantly made eye contact with Terushima, he licked his lips at you making sure you could see his pierced tongue. Frightened from him you coward behind Akaashi, his broad shoulders hid you away from him.

Keiji looked over his shoulder at you. His brows were furrowed, clearly, he was getting agitated with your behavior. “(Y/N), what’s your problem?”

You pointed at Terushima, he wasn’t looking at you anymore but he was now shirtless.

“Him.” Your voice cracked, you wiped a stray tear that fell down your cheek. You were scared of him, you couldn’t even walk out of the gym without looking over your back. Never in a million years has a man made you feel that uncomfortable in your entire life. It was like you were living in his world and he had the controller.

Akaashi turned back around, he pulled you into his embrace cradling you away from him. He pulled you into an empty locker room so you both could talk privately. “What did he do to you?” He held your cheeks in between his hands.

“He keeps harassing me, the catcalling makes me feel uncomfortable.” You explained, a loud sob escaped your lips. Naturally, your hands found their way to your lips to stop you from crying. You couldn’t tell him the rest without breaking down crying. Akaashi held you tighter, your tears soaked his warm-up jacket.

“Did he touch you?” His voice was soft and sincere, he didn’t seem mad or upset by the fact. You nodded your head against his shoulder, you heard him suck in a deep breath, his body stiffened against yours.

“Are you mad at me for not telling you?” You mumbled against his shoulder, he shook his head no. Keiji was always comforting, he would always make sure that you were okay before approaching any situation that dealt with you.

He pushed you away, cupping your cheeks, wiping away your tears, “No I’m not mad I’m more irritated that you didn’t tell me that he was bothering you. If I had known this I would have stopped him before.”

Just looking at him made your eyes fill with tears. He was so kind and gentle towards you to the point where it started to make you emotional. “You’re not the confrontational type, I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m sorry” Keiji was not the conformational type, everyone knows that. It was so hard to open up to him about that.

Yoru boyfriend placed a chase kiss on your trembling lips.“You allow me to say if I’m confrontational or not. Communication is key (Y/N), you can’t keep hiding these things from me.”

Both of your foreheads were pressed against one another, sighing out you mustered up the courage to apologize. “I know and I’m sorry. I was just scared.”

“Understandable.” He mumbled against your lips, you pushed yourself up on your feet helping your lips connect. Akaashi grabbed your waist pulling you in closer, you both sat there hugging one another.

“Come on, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to confront him.”

Akaashi walked out of the double doors with your hand in his. You tried to drag your feet so he wouldn’t actually go, but Akaashi was taller and stronger than you so he just dragged you along with him. Tersuhsima was standing in the corner with his teammates, he was still shirtless with his cocky attitude. There were hundreds of people in the gym but the only thing you could hear was your heart in your ears. The glands in your hands began to produce sweat, the jeans you were wearing weren’t making a good towel for your swelling hands.

Keiji on the other hand didn’t catch the memo, he was determined to speak to him. He walked with pride towards the crowd of boys, he would calmly excuse himself each time he bumped into someone. The closer you two got to him the more you crouched down behind your tall boyfriend.

“Hey, are you Tersushima?” He asked, the blonde hair boy known as Terushima turned around to face your boyfriend. You were hiding behind his back, but your eyes were still on Tersuhima.

“Yes, that would be me.”

“I’m Akaashi, her boyfriend.” He yanked you by your hand so you weren’t behind him anymore. You stood smiling stupidly at both of them. “My girl here has been telling me that you’ve been bothering her even though she’s told you countless times that she has a boyfriend, yet you keep pursuing her.” Keiji made sure to emphasize the fact that you were his girl, it made your whole chest warm. If it weren’t for the fact that you were so nervous you would have melted on the spot.

“Sorry dude I didn’t know your girl was actually telling the truth, it won’t happen again.”

“Even if she were lying, it still does not give you a reason to harass anyone. You should take that as a hint to leave them alone.”

“Okay,” Terushima held up his hands, the cockiest smirk appeared on his face. “I get it dude you don’t have to keep going on and on about it.”

Keji didn’t say anything else, he walked away with you in tow right behind him. He was right, he wasn’t the confrontational type so, of course, he wouldn’t go word for word with him.

“Come on let’s go home, tell me if he ever does that to you again.” You looked up to Keiji slowly nodding your head. The conversation went more smoothly than you expected, your boyfriend wasn’t the explosive type but in all honesty, Terushima looked as if he was that type.

“I’m sorry for not telling you.”

His hand was intertwined with yours, you could feel the small pressure he applied as he guided you both out of the gym. “Don’t worry, we’ll just continue to work on our conversational skills. It’ll help us in the long run.”

tags:@hyunsamour @fireworkpanda @ianmoone12345 @ang3lc4k3 @lillilwil @tenkomurasaki @saineysd @sadtrains @tatiquichi @elianetsantana @xstormiii @yoitsseulgi @ghostlyarcanum @srintarou @chscklvr @succulentmom @madsky1222 @cinnamonruts @thezslumpgoddess @xogiaaa @premiyagi @momoinot @psycho-nightrose @aoinanase @tetsusatoru @gabisalabaj @allthat-jasss @izumikunmy @okaerin @cheezitcracker @chokeurmom @taytayy178 @AyeshaSara @knmsapplepi @chokerbaby @pewpewkatelyn@cherrytop05 @smexyair @kail-671 @keijier @inumakisimp27 @masster69 @savantsoulfinder @amisuh @wedontknowwhotfthisis @llamakenma @sabrinakishi @chiiitose @vicolangelo @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @oklolkita @ririakaashi @nununana @embermarie-0 @lcvinkawa @tendotopia @iwasamistake09 @dollfaceartz @courtney-allyson@wolffmaiden @claryshinee

179 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Text

i had the wrong link posted for fighting for you 3 so here it is for the people looking for it 😭

Fighting for you Part 3

pairings: Akaashi x Reader

summary: read to find out☺️

warning: mentions of smut, period talk, curse words, mention of plan b’s ANGST

w/c: 2.7k

an: As a birthday present to myself i deceived to give you guys FFY part 3!!🥳🎂

Series Masterlist Masterlist

Keep reading

205 notes · View notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Note

bae- i think you linked chap3 of yr oikawa fic on chap3 of yr akaashi. I’m gonna cry i got excited for a second ):

omg i’m so sorry about that 😭 part 3 is updated with the right link 😭

0 notes

akaashioppa · 2 years

Note

they both understand but i’m the only who doesn’t...like It's cold outside, like when you walked out my life? why you walk out my life?🥺

hey it's me again who commented on the unplanned pregnancy fic!

can i request a part 2 where the reader eventually realises that she and iwaizumi isn't ready for a child and they decided to abort the baby, with like the abortion clinic scene and everything? make it emotional bitterswet but everything's gonna be okay type of ending lmao sorry if it's a bit too specific!

BUTT please don't feel pressured to do exactly like my request, it is your writing and art after all. have fun!❤

UNPLANNED PREGNANCY — part two

PAIRING: iwaizumi hajime x afab gender neutral reader

WORD COUNT: 1.5k

SUMMARY: after going through with the abortion, you’re having a hard time coming to terms with it

CONTENT / WARNINGS: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, mentions of an abortion (no descriptions of it), mentions of extreme negative emotions

NOTE: i kinda changed it, because i’m really not used to writing and describing something so intense but i really hope you don’t mind. thank you so much for requesting this by the way, because it made me explore my writing for heavier topics. do i like it? don’t i like it? i don’t know, i felt like if i read it again i might end up hating it so you guys just let me know what you think

PART ONE

It’s so easy to get caught up in a fantasy of a decision that would’ve changed your life.

And it’s always the good things that could’ve come with that decision which keep haunting you. From realizing you’re showing for the first time and seeing the bliss in your partner’s eyes when you hold their hand against your stomach to holding that little bundle of joy and finally getting to bond with them. You thought it was impossible to miss what you never had, but the sharp aching pain at the pit of your stomach reminding you of what could have been changes your mind.

You keep telling yourself that your decision was for the better. Financially you’re just not in a comfortable position to feed another mouth and it would probably end up in taking out loans or depending on family and friends, and that’s not what you want. If you were going through with it, you wanted to give them the life they deserved without having them watch their parents struggle and stress about every bill they came across.

It was a practical decision without any room for feelings and fantasies which definitely would’ve made you reconsider it a million times. But now there are no other possibilities anymore, there’s no point in repressing them.

With every cramp or wave of nausea there is another thought that comes with it and even with the painkillers already circulating in your body, the discomfort that comes with the conflicting feelings is inescapable. Your heart feels heavy and it aches with grief, guilt, sorrow and oddly, relief.

There is no right way to feel, they say, but you don’t like the roller coaster that comes with coming to terms with your emotions.

You get pulled out of your thoughts when the door Iwaizumi pushes open creaks, but you don’t budge when he walks over to your side of the bed where you’re consumed by the covers, your face barely peeking over the sea of warmth. You’re not sure what he puts down on your nightstand, but he does it softly, assuming you’re asleep.

He carefully removes the covers from your face and your eyes narrow despite the dim night lamp on your night stand. “Oh, you’re awake.” He speaks softly as if he’s mindful not to scare you and you nod weakly, looking up at him. “Uhm, I got you something to eat and drink so you can take some more ibuprofen, it’s almost been six hours.”

You smile weakly at his thoughtfulness, pushing yourself to sit up while Iwaizumi grabs the plate from your night stand, waiting until you sit comfortably against the headboard to place the simple sandwich in your lap.

“Thank you.”

“Just call me if you need me.” He nods, his forced smile making his nerves only more evident as he walks back towards the door.

He doesn’t really know what to say or do to make you feel better, not that you blame him, you hadn’t made it any easier for him. Your car ride home from the clinic was dead silent, the radio not even on to cut the tension and when you finally came home you went straight to your bedroom to drown in self pity leaving him to be alone.

But you don’t wanna be alone anymore.

“Haji, can you stay with me?”

He stares at you, blinking a couple of times before agreeing and making it to his side of the bed. He sits next to you against the headboard and you can tell he’s still uncomfortable. He doesn’t know if you’re okay with him touching you, a distance between your bodies as he awkwardly stares down at his hands resting in his lap.

You look down at the messily cut sandwich, your appetite not enough for both halfs. You push your plate towards your boyfriend, silently offering him a part and he takes it.

It’s quiet as you guys eat and despite all the different flavors, the sandwich tastes stale in your mouth. You would’ve stopped eating if you didn’t need to take the ibuprofen, but the lack of taste worsens your appetite and makes it hard to swallow the texture which feels horrible against your tongue.

“I should’ve asked you what you wanted to eat,” your boyfriend suddenly says and you turn your head to see him stare down at your half of the sandwich you didn’t manage to finish, “I just lost track of time and didn’t want you to be in pain before I had time to get back.”

“It’s not the sandwich.” You reassure him. “I’m just not hungry.”

You put the plate down on the nightstand before you settle down again. Anxiously you brush all the crumbs of your blanket, trying to find the words to start a conversation with your boyfriend. It’s suddenly like you’re in high school again, uncertain of what to say, scared you will say something to scare him off, but ultimately you decide to start with, “I’m sorry.”

You feel bad for shutting him out and keeping him in the dark about your feelings when he has been nothing more than supportive and caring, basically being the perfect boyfriend in a situation which wasn’t easy for him either. It was new for the both of you and apart from the tiniest mistakes that didn’t really matter moments after it happened, Hajime somehow did everything right.

“You’re going through a lot.” He counters. “You don’t have to apologize for not knowing what to do, because neither do I.”

Despite the emptiness, conflicted feelings and your aching heart, his words make you feel warm and reassured. You realize how fortunate you are to have such an amazing partner by your side, but can’t help but feel like it highlights your shortcomings.

You move closer to Hajime, your legs now touching as you lie your head down against his shoulder. “Your feelings are valid too, you know.”

Hajime sighs, leaning his head against you and his hands find yours, intertwining your fingers. “Does not knowing what you feel count?”

“Of course.”

“Yeah, I don’t know.” His thumb rubs into the back of your hand. “How do you feel?”

Your heart raises at his question and you take a moment, swallowing the lump in your throat away. “I’m not as nauseous anymore, but the cramps are pretty bad. Wanted to sleep, but couldn’t.”

“Thoughts keeping you awake?”

“That and the cramps.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

You sigh and close your eyes when you feel tears prickling. “I know now wasn’t the time, but I wonder if I would’ve reconsidered it if I actually thought more about having a little one running around.” The handful of tears that escape feel warm as they stream down your face and you sniffle. “A little you or me to wake up to, go to sleep with, to get home to — it sounds nice.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Hajime says and you can hear the smile in his voice. “One day we’ll make it happen then.”

“I didn’t know you wanted to be a dad.”

He leans his head back against the headboard of your bed as he just stares at the ceiling. “I never really thought about being a dad before all of this, but this — I was wondering if I would be good at it, you know? And I actually smiled thinking about having a little person just attached to me at all times, holding them, cradling them while they’re so small. Them getting their own will when they grow up and being all stubborn like me, them making a mess when they get to eat on their own, kissing their scratches when they fall, giving them everything they could want. At this point wearing a tutu for a tea party doesn’t even sound like too much, I want to do it all.”

Even with tears staining your cheeks you smile softly. “You’d be a great dad, Haji.”

He pulls his hands out of your grip, lifting his arm to pull you into his warm embrace, your head now resting against his chest. “You’d be a great parent too.”

There’s no doubt in your mind you would be and it hurts thinking about how unconditionally you’d love them despite all the other circumstances.

“It feels wrong to already think about having a family without them.” Your hand rests against your stomach and there’s your reminder again, another cramp ripping through you and making you whimper softly. Your painkillers are starting to wear off. “In a weird way it feels unfair to them.”

“It’s okay to feel guilty,” Hajime rests his hand on top of yours, “just try to remember we made this decision, because we probably couldn’t have given them the life they deserve and it sounds stupid to say, but I think they’ll understand.”

“They’ll understand.” You repeat as if you’re trying to convince yourself of it. You hold onto your boyfriend tightly who gently rubs your back as you bury your face into his chest and you shudder against him, cries and sobs falling from your lips.

“It’s okay, baby.” He whispers to you, kissing the top of your head. He’s trying to keep it together for you, but ultimately he loses the battle as well, sighing when the tears fall.

FEEDBACK OF ANY KIND IS APPRECIATED

220 notes · View notes