aramisphased

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may my soul be dedicated to the grief my loving heart created

#hopefully it never leaves me #i love knowing youre still in my heart #even if we dont talk #i will always love you #in the worst way

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physically i’m here mentally i’m at candy corn acres

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Haunted Mansion concept art print signed by Sam McKim

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things i thought were normal that were, in fact, sapphic coded

dreaming of hermione granger for months on end after seeing a 10-minute clip of harry potter

to only watch the women during affectionate / inappropriate scenes in television (and not understanding why i was getting aroused imagining i was him)

when people began dating in online games (webkinz, movie star planet, fantage) and when i tried to find a boyfriend, i felt like i was doing something “wrong” and leading him on.. so i ended it in 10 minutes and never tried again

being “boy crazy” about the jonas brothers and chOOSING KEVIN?

AGE 6.. AND CHOSE KEVIN? IF YOU DONT GET THIS, LOOK UP “KEVIN JONAS LESBIAN”.

becoming extremely moved by any tv show episodes about accepting someone for who they truly are or loving them regardless

chopped my hair to a bob at age 4 when my mom refused to let me & keeping it short for 14 years

was overly obsessed with mulan to a point of concern. watched mulan multiple times a day for a year and a half straight. started an ifunny fan account dedicated to mulan. where i posted. hourly.

my childhood boy “crush” was troy bolton from HSM, so naturally my parents bought me the barbie version of the couple for christmas— my parents found my troy doll outside in a bush while my gabriella was “going to bed” with a supermodel barbie for the night 2 weeks later

hating physical touch yet always waking up to me cuddling so intimately with a friend (who ALSO went on to be sapphic— shocking!)

feeling EXTREMELY moved & defensive of freddie mercury & elton john ??? at age 8 ??? literally wrote essays for no reason about their impact socially??? (tHE CLOSET IS GLASS)

my sisters telling me i’m the sibling that’s “more likely to marry someone.. different than tradition” and my reaction was to argue with them for 4 YEARS following on what they meant by that.

LITERALLY HAVING DREAMS ABOUT KISSING WOMEN STARTING AT AGE 5, EVEN THOUGH I HAD NO IDEA WHAT BEING GAY OR LESBIAN WAS

my favorite tropes in books being ‘forbidden love’ or ‘secret’ … then refusing to read if it wasn’t one of the two..

never dated in elementary or middle school because the feeling of “butterflies in my stomach” made me physically ill until i threw up, but feeling my blood rush to my face any time my best friend hugged me or we got alone time

i only made this after talking to a friend about our signs as a child LOL

now, i am the walking personification of bisexual woman who still questions their sexuality annually (yes, it is that time of year rn.)

#bisexual #sapphic #the closet is glass #lgbtq #wlw post #wlw blog #gay things #faggot lol #baby gay #baby gay signs #lesbian #coming out #niche lgbt

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adhd is such a hard thing to navigate conversations about. i understand it’s common but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to live with.

i’m sorry my brain isnt organized the way regular people organize it but it’s still organized. i understand that it isn’t nice or pleasant to look at all the time, i just can’t find it in any other place. my night pens need to be in my nightstand because those specifically remind me to drink my tea so i feel tired, and the tea reminds me of my sleeping meds.

i’m sorry my emotions are heightened to small rejections more than other people but i’m still valid in those emotions. it’s not convient, i know, but it’s still important to me. one act of reassurance can last me a year and strengthen me to trust you.

i’m sorry i cry a lot more than regular people do. i connect a more with others on a daily basis than most ppl do in their entire lives, and sometimes i just burst out in tears because of it. that doesn’t make my tears any less real, or my genuine empathy and explosion of emotions any less impactful.

im sorry. i know i am harder to love, but i love more because of it. i dont take it back.

#adhd #actually adhd #adhd struggles #neurodivergent #personal rant #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #journal #on my mind #lana del rey LOL

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Cancer sun // Leo moon // Libra rising

For: @violetxll

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Black Mirror creators be like

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“oh moon, hungry moon, unkissed & silent, I would kiss you.”

— Chen Chen, Race to the Tree

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Ladybird Artists Advent Calendar ~ Window 9. ~ ‘Footprints in the snow’ 

illustrated by C.F. Tunnicliffe

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Marguerite Duras, from The Lover

Text ID: to devour and be devoured,

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within frail trees in thunderstorms,

i would make you a swing and stand in the heavy cold rain

throwing ropes over trees towering over me

if it meant you’d be with me all day

being pushed with my tired arms,

laughing when you go high,

feeling upmost bliss

as my heavy body sways, the scent of you being teased inside my nose

within hurricanes twice my presence,

i would push onward to make it home to you—

yelling at me for the dirty dishes in the sink,

until i take the messes we made out of your soft hands,

filling them in mine,

and finishing calloused, only hoping i eased your mind

within the earthquakes that shake and break

entire home foundations

i would timidly ask for your hand

like you did when we were fifteen,

then sit in with it wrapped in mine

feeling each twitch and occasional graze

counting each one

remembering for later

tracing myself in your spots while alone in my room,

hoping to feel your ghost hand possessing mine while you’re out with friends.

within the frail trees that sway and sink their nails in the dirt

within the hurricanes that scared my ancestors, running for

cover, finding our broken china

within the earthquakes that hold broken homes and

destruction to all,

i can only see you.

#literature #heartbroken #spilled heart #written #liturature

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things i want to do with him as a non-affectionate / romantic girl

* sleeping next to him and feeling his body heat

* doing the dishes together in silence

* reading a book while sitting next to him before bed

* doing puzzles together listening to mozart

* talking to him all night in bed

* painting the side of a house together while our baby sleeps in the nursery

* him telling me about a weird dream he had

* tying my shoe

* us waking up together and feeling his body get behind mine but doesn’t touch me while i’m half asleep

* getting mad at me and me having to formally communicate because he holds his ground n calls my bluffs

* his arm brushing against mine when we walk

* us sharing a pint of ice cream in the car

* he rubs my back, and when squirm out of sensitivity he doesn’t make it sexual

* he gives me a kiss on the cheek before leaving for work and doesn’t object when i pull him back in for five minutes

* looks behind me often to make sure i’m safe

* holding my things gently for me as i fix my hair

* him feeding me french fries while i drive

* sitting behind me in bed as i lay on him and write a report

* walking around in my underwear and him treating it as nothing

* laying on top of him to sleep and having my body fully relax n sleep

* him taking off my shirt gently after a long night out and holding eye contact while doing so

* him chasing me up the stairs until he collapses on me

* us tracing one another’s hand and teasing them rather than keeping them held

* him arguing w me and putting me in my place

* when they carry me places bridal style or like a baby as i lay my cheek on their shoulder— i’m light, i don’t feel too heavy or insecure about my weight, they keep a good grip, i fully relax

* them being away for awhile and the second the door closes i jump into his arms

#reverse icks #romantic scenarios #boyfriend scenarios #crush scenarios #crush imagines #boy crush #man crush

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reasons why i shouldn’t let my commitment issues get in the way this time

him getting into the water at the beach with me and going on a late night adventure so i can take a picture of my dream house at 4 am

him reading books he enjoys and enjoying hiking

beating my ass in every arcade game together then scratching at last minute so i could win

him joking about marrying me all the time

us sitting in his car and keeping the conversation going until he had to drive straight to work, including gently asking me to stay after i already got out of his car

him already having 3 dates planned out with reservations made a month into knowing one another

me walking away dramatically from his car in front of his friends and him audibly saying “no” while standing like a toddler; then me asking him to repeat himself and him not hesitating to tell me to stay because he wants my company

me texting him absolute crackhead/psychotic thoughts throughout the day & him always responding romantically

saying he’d suck the fuck out of my neck if i ever bite him

me walking away from the group to grab something from my car & hearing someone say “wait”, only to turn around and see him JOGGING to me in front of all of his friends to walk with me

him immediately making eye contact with me while speaking to the group, him breaking it, then starting to stumble over his words every time i turned my head to look at him

him sending me song recommendations throughout his week of what reminds him of me

using the cutest pet names & always telling me what he’s up to in detail, even though we’re just “friends”

him shirtless & me in a towel as we tried to fix the broken washer together on the first night of meeting, barely knowing one another but giggling hysterically as we worked together

HIM NOT BEING A DRY TEXTER AND ACTUALLY BEING EXTREMELY FUNNY

#reverse icks