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camphalforacle · 1 year
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Ocean for the wolfstar drabbles?
(something not angsty pls 💕)
Remus dips one toe into the water, and frowns.
The ocean is still, a small jut of water that rests without rumbling waves. He’s sitting on a large, protruding rock, digging his fingers into the damp little curves, feeling the harsh rub of sand against his skin. Sirius raises an eyebrow.
“Coming in, Moony?” He lifts himself up by the elbows, and his black hair sticks in fine little strips to his neck. “You look like a gremlin, crouching like that.”
Remus hugs his knees tightly to his chest.
He watches Sirius push himself out further, kicking his long legs elegantly.
“It’s a bit deep, over there,” Remus says, hoping the single ankle he allows to drift through the water is enough to suffice Sirius’ whims.
“It’s not rough,” Sirius says, beckoning Remus forward with one finger, “you’ll be alright.”
Remus looks away quickly, heat flushing over the plains of his dark cheeks.
“It’s not that.”
He supposed there’s no real reason for Sirius to pass judgement. The boy who isn’t phased by his monthly transformations, or James’ incredibly loud voice.
“I can’t swim,” Remus admits, “I never had the chance, growing up.”
Sirius is barely phased.
“Tough draw.” He extends one hand out, slightly pruned, but angular and large, dripping droplets steadily back into the disturbed water below.
“I’ll teach you, Moony,” Sirius says softly, when Remus unravels his legs, pausing to frown at the dark shadows that creep along the deeper depth. He grins brightly. “You hold onto me, okay? I’m quite good at this stroke called the doggy paddle.”
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camphalforacle · 1 year
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american psycho x mean girls
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camphalforacle · 2 years
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bc this is the only platform where no one in my real life follows me on i just need to go on a little rant (don't bother to read, this is for my own catharsis)
So I had such a magical summer and I met a girl that I really fell in love with. I really felt (and feel) like she is the one meant for me, like I had met my soulmate. I liked her in a way I've never liked anyone- it was such an instant connection and everything just went so well. And now we're back at school and things are hard and she's distant and I thought we would be gfs by this point, but were not and I just am sitting here feeling heartbroken, looking back at our texts, the fact we spent a whole month joined at the hip and now we barely talk twice a week. I'm trying to be patient bc she's the only one I want and I really want her, but it's so so hard. I don't know what changed, where she went. She used to screenshot my snaps, call me for bedtime stories, say how much she misses me. And that all has just... stopped. But I still feel the same way. I still want to talk to her all the time, to have her send me snaps of her cute outfits, to text her and say how much I miss her. And we've talked about things and she said she just needs time and that her feelings haven't changed, but if her feelings haven't changed then why has everything else? I never thought I'd find a person that I truly could envision having a life with, who would fit so perfect with me- and I found that in her. I don't want to lose her, but everyday that passes it feels like I'm losing her more. It's not that things are bad, they're just so stagnant. We haven't seen each other in two months now and I just... I miss her everyday. I want to go to bed with her, to wake up next to her, to hold her hand and sit and watch tiktoks together. I just want every moment together. And it sucks bc I know my feelings are stronger than hers and I didn't realize how much that would hurt. I'm just so hoping it's going to work out, that she'll want this as much as me, as much as she once did. I really do feel like I've found my person and I don't want to let her go. I really really don't.
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camphalforacle · 2 years
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Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin Characters: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans Potter, Euphemia Potter, Walburga Black, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Fleamont Potter, Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald Additional Tags: Runaway Sirius Black, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Angst, Hurt/Comfort Summary: 
“It’s never going to stop,” he had barely eked out the words, strained against his teeth and weakened by a pitiful warble in his voice. The urge to cry had hit him, but years of pushing that feeling down kept it at bay, stilted in the back of his eyes. 
“Oh, love,” Euphemia muttered. She was sitting beside his bed– the Potters had been taking shifts in that particular spot, not trusting fate to leave the boy be if he were not under a steady and constant eye. She held her hand out to him in that moment, a voluntary comfort Sirius could take or leave. He took it, surprising himself a little, and didn’t even notice when Euphemia kept quiet as he turned their knuckles white.
“It’ll pass,” she had said, “Everything has to.”
—
It’s sixth year and Sirius comes of age. The pain of adolescence is not absent.
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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hey besties what does it mean when writer in the dark is ur favorite songs and the characters you’ve related to most are nadine from the edge of seventeen and fleabag. asking for a friend <3
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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hey guys! i'm currently writing a wolfstar fic called 'ribs' i have three chapters posted so far and it'd be great if y'all checked it out :)
here's the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31988062/chapters/79229032
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin Characters: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans Potter, Euphemia Potter, Walburga Black, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Fleamont Potter, Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald Additional Tags: Runaway Sirius Black, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter) Summary:
“It’s never going to stop,” he had barely eked out the words, strained against his teeth and weakened by a pitiful warble in his voice. The urge to cry had hit him, but years of pushing that feeling down kept it at bay, stilted in the back of his eyes.
“Oh, love,” Euphemia muttered. She was sitting beside his bed-- the Potters had been taking shifts in that particular spot, not trusting fate to leave the boy be if he were not under a steady and constant eye. She held her hand out to him in that moment, a voluntary comfort Sirius could take or leave. He took it, surprising himself a little, and didn’t even notice when Euphemia kept quiet as he turned their knuckles white.
“It’ll pass,” she had said, “Everything has to.”
---
It's sixth year, Sirius runs away and comes of age. The pain of adolescence is not absent.
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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ok but why did the deja vu music video have so many visual parallels to portrait of a lady on fire 😳😳😳
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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ok we can also talk about the family dynamics of grant, sirius, and remus.
1. ok starting with grant and sirius, they have such parallel stories in their families. both of their family traumas have been caused by activity in that they have both been actively kicked out of their homes due to defying their families’ fundamental beliefs (in grants case his homosexuality as a defiance to his family’s religiousness and in sirius’ case his defiance to blood supremacy). it was the active hostility that caused issues.
2. however, remus’ family trauma stems from passivity in that his parents were never present for him in a way he could remember them. it was this abandonment that caused issue, the willfulness to be outside his life rather than directly influencing it as grant and sirius’ families had done.
3. i think this also lends to the manner in which remus couldn’t comprehend the trauma of sirius or of grant. often remus conflated his and sirius’ familial issues as being the same when they weren’t (sirius may have done this too). and remus hardly ever considered the trauma grant went through. it’s just very interesting examining these different dynamics
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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ok so i lied, here's another mini-rant on atyd, in particular this specific line from the last chapter, 188
"He had scars too, now"
This line is in reference to Remus perceiving Sirius' own scars as a result of his time in Azkaban.
I always thought this line was particularly interesting because from the start Sirius has shown Remus his scars. And it's odd that Remus uses the word "now" 23 years after Sirius showed Remus his scars for the first time.
I think what is going on here is revealing how, like Sirius never understood Remus, neither did Remus understand Sirius.
I think a huge thing about Remus' character is that he has so much trauma that he refuses to address. And in refusing to address this trauma he also refuses to address others. One thing that struck me while reading atyd was the manner in which Remus often dismissed Sirius' trauma.
I think because Remus had so many manners of trauma (being a werewolf, his dad committing suicide, his mother abandoning him, etc, etc), it was hard for him to comprehend that a singular trauma such as abuse could also produce a level of trauma akin to the level Remus went through (not to say it is the same amount of trauma, only that both existed). In addition to this, I think Remus didn't fully comprehend the extent of this trauma also due to the privileges that Sirius had that he didn't (blood status, wealth, etc).
So of course, not taking the time to understand his own trauma, let alone understand Sirius' positioned Remus to never truly consider Sirius' scars as scars. Yet, when Remus has had a life with Grant, who has helped him comprehend his trauma better, and when Sirius has spent 12 years in an absolutely horrible prison, Remus can better understand Sirius' scars for what they are.
I don't know these are just my thoughts on this line. Because the use of "now" is just very very interesting to me.
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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ok so here’s my one post i’ll make about atyd and wolfstar. and it’s why sirius’ eventual distrust of remus makes sense (asides from remus being a werewolf and sirius’ own unconscious prejudices against werewolves)
*please note this is an explanation as to why it makes sense and not a justification for such distrust
1. Sirius’ childhood. We know Sirius was raised in an abusive household in which his mother used an unforgivable curse to torture him and would likely have killed him. Already this is setting up for some deep trust issues down the line. Sirius was raised in an environment in which he could not trust the people he was meant to fundamentally trust- i.e. his family. This issue only becomes exacerbated by the fact it was his mother mostly perpetuating this abuse, and the fact that within the family dynamic mothers are thought to be the most trustworthy and the most protective. 
2. So now we have established the fact that Sirius from the start probably had an unconscious mindset of automatic distrust. Now, in atyd, Sirius often comes to form relationships and trust through openness and also through shared vulnerabilities. This can be seen in the way his relationships with James and Remus were strengthened through nightly talks, in which Sirius could be more candid and could also expect a certain openness from who he was talking to, too. This development of trust through shared vulnerabilities can also be seen in the way Sirius was more willing to open up to Remus about the abuse he suffered and his family life than he was to open up to James, because Remus better understood pain and hardship than James.
3. Understanding the manners in which Sirius establishes trust, we need to take into account the manner in which Sirius most likely always had some degree of distrust (or at least misunderstanding) of Remus on account of Remus’ closed off nature and on account of the multiplicity of the lives Remus lived. Outside of being a werewolf, Remus had an entire muggle life that Sirius could not comprehend. Remus knows Sirius never fully understood him, which was partially deliberate on Remus’ account but also due to confounding factors such as this one. Misunderstanding does not equate good trust in a relationship.
4. Now let’s take into account Sirius’ relationship with James. I believe James was the only person Sirius ever truly trusted, and this largely had to do with the way in which James demonstrated his unconditional love for Sirius. Even when Sirius was being horrible, James always stood by him. Although this came with negative side effects, such as James not really holding Sirius accountable for his actions, it also gave Sirius a safe space he never had before. James was very verbal and demonstrative of this safe space and unconditional love in a manner that Remus could never be.
5. Although Remus may have loved Sirius unconditionally, he did not show this unconditional love in a manner that Sirius could truly understand as unconditional, as James did with Sirius. Remus held Sirius accountable for the wrong things he did (which is good and justified). But he could also be mean and nasty (which can also be justified). Remus did not have the same style of communication (i.e. a style of openness) that James had that Sirius needed to feel secure. This is not to put blame on Remus, only to understand the manner in which unresolved communication issues largely led to Sirius being unable to perceive the unconditional love Remus was giving him. Taking into account the inherent distrust Sirius likely had, not having this openness, and instead having the same volatility that Sirius himself produced and that his family produced, created a relationship that Sirius was likely not to trust from the beginning.
6. This inherent distrust can also be seen in the jealousy Sirius has for Chris and Grant. In both cases there is some distrust towards Remus, in that Remus had been romantic with either Chris or Grant in a way that Sirius would have felt violated his relationship with Remus (whether justified or not)
Anyways that’s my little rant lol 
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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These are not trivial recommendations, Mr. Knightley. ‘Til men do fall in love with well-informed minds instead of handsome faces, a girl with such loveliness as Harriet has a certainty of being admired and sought after wherever she goes. I am very much mistaken if your sex, in general, would not find these qualities the highest claims a woman could possess.
EMMA. (2020) dir. Autumn de Wilde
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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oh wow so she ra really was just everything voltron tried to be lol
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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Ronan: *processing his father’s murder*
Blue: *preemptively grieving Gansey’s death*
Adam: *trying to cope with poverty and abuse*
Noah: *reenacting his own murder*
Gansey:
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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im sorry but the song “paint it, black” jusr radiates sirius black energy after he ranaway from home
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camphalforacle · 3 years
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orpheus this, eurydice that. what about ME
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